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narutakijune · 3 years

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About ATLA Relationship Arcs

So, this is me, finally trying to write some meta after lurking in my little tumblr corner for months! Hi!

Although I’ve tried to tag properly, if you are a Kat*anger and just want to enjoy your favourite couple in peace, this might not be the post for you. I am not trying to bash characters but I do have a lot of critical stuff to say about the writing.

Anyway, you have been warned and here is my story about my personal first Atla experience: I watched the show this year for the first time, and after the end of Book 1 I decided to look up spoilers, because after what happened to Yue, I wanted to make sure that Zuko and Iroh would be ok. So I knew what was going to happen: Kat*ang endgame and absolutely no Zutara at all. Still, by the end of Book 3, I was convinced that I had read wrong - that there would be an epilogue with a different ending or at least that Aang would only get together with Katara post-show- in that Korra series or something - because anything else wouldn’t make sense- right?

….

After I got over my shock and surprise, I went online and found out about that decade-long aggressive passionate ship war and how even the showrunners got involved.

And then I really worried that I might have missed a few points. Apparently ”Aang and Katara were the DNA of the show”, according to the creators themselves, and “Zutara could never have happened”.

Another popular anti-ZK argument I found was: Why do you always go on about Katara and Zuko? Just look at Zuko and Aang! They are the hero/ anti-hero and each other’s foils, their relationship is much more meaningful!”

So I tried to find out what it was that I apparently couldn’t see.

(Another disclaimer: I love analysing stories (like many Zutarians apparently) and this will get long and rambly. If you get bored to tears when people start talking about “narrative structure” you will probably not like this.)

Talking about narrative structure, I do believe that, in order to let your story, your characters and their relationships really shine, a good basic structure is important. There should be a recognizable development and individual parts of the story that build upon each other and lead to consequences and change, until there is a completed arc - because it is all about the journey that takes you to a satisfying ending, right? So that’s what I tried to do, with my personal Kat*ang vs. Zutara take, I tried to look at the structure and development of their relationship arcs.

The argument that threw me off track for a while is that compared to Aang and Zuko, Zuko and Katara’s relationship is not supposed to be that relevant for the plot. After all, Zuko is the foil, the anti-hero, the deuteragonist to Aang, who is the hero protagonist.

This is all true of course. But then why is it that in every finale, Zuko’s main opponent (and later ally) is not Aang but Katara? Why is it that their sun/moon, red/blue, fire/water dichotomy is so obviously highlighted?

I think one reason why Zuko and Katara are paired off so frequently in the story - as opposite elements, as opponents and as allies - is that they BOTH are Aang’s deuteragonists. While Zuko also acts as antagonist and Aang’s foil/mirror, Katara takes over the more traditional deuteragonist role of confidant / best friend/ narrator.

Protagonist Aang is what connects them, although they are on opposite sides: Both need Aang because he represents their hope to save their world. Very simply put, Katara protects him, so he can make the world a safer place again, and Zuko wants to capture him, so he can go home and be safe again. That rivalry between them is already established in the first episode, even before they meet each other: Katara, who hopes that the Avatar will return (as she tells everyone in the intro), and Zuko, who seems to be obsessed with finding him for more sinister reasons.

And just to make sure, I am not talking here about the characters’ feelings and emotions! This is just about the abstract roles they have been assigned within the narrative.

When regarding Zutara’s special connection to Aang and their rivalry with each other, it makes absolute sense to stress their “same but different”ness as well, visually and metaphorically: Red and blue, fire and water, sun and moon, arguably Painted Lady/Blue Spirit, and, when you put into account their story arc, also Oma and Shu.

With this basis, which puts them together and sets them apart simultaneously, their relationship already becomes very dynamic and interesting, even before you consider any romantic potential.

And here’s another thing, Zuko and Katara also have their own story arc within the main plot. Although they don’t have many scenes together before Zuko joins the Gaang, when they do meet there is always a new shift in their relationship and in quite a few cases their interactions are important for the main plot as well. If you just look at their “end fights” at each book’s finale, there is an obvious and consequential build-up, like any decent story arc should have:

Book 1 starts with Zuko as the powered-up enemy and Katara as the weak newbie waterbender. Both are battling over Aang. At the end of Book 1, they are finally established as equally powerful fighters but still fundamentally different (You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun!)

In CoD at the end of Book 2 happens the next step: they realize that they are not different at all! But Aang still doesn’t represent the same for them and they end up on opposing sides of the war again.

In the Book 3 finale, when Zuko has completed his own (anti-) hero's journey and Aang represents the same “hope” for both of them, they do not only join forces: Their “same but different”- traits make them such a uniquely suited match that they are even able to save each other’s lives during their fight with Azula (who in turn happens to be Katara and Zuko’s antagonist/mirror/foil).

And in addition to their own story arc they even get an individual recurring theme, which also appears in every book whenever their relationship status changes: The lost mothers, especially Katara’s mother.

In Book 1, Katara’s necklace (the symbol of Kiya) plays not only a major part in two of Zuko’s capture attempts, it is the reason for their very first one-one one encounter in the story.

Their first friendly connection in COD in Book 2 happens because they start talking about their mothers. And in Book 3, their final reconciliation (sealed with a very cathartic hug) happens after their life-changing trip which is, of course, all about Katara’s mother.

Again, I am not even trying to analyse their characters and motivations within the story - there are many metas that have already done that much better, more detailed and with screenshots. This is just dry structure and tropes and themes. But I think people recognize and connect with a well-structured arc, even subconsciously, which is one of the reasons that makes Zutara such a compelling couple. They complete and contrast each other, their relationship dynamic constantly changes, builds up, falls apart, reconnects. Such a setup is the perfect playground for a lot of creative takes on what-ifs and alternative scenarios and of course, shipping them romantically is extremely tempting - think of all the possibilities! It’s no wonder that the Zutara fandom is still so active decades after the end of the show. And it’s also no wonder that the Zutarians are known for “over-analysing everything”. You can only over-analyse if there is anything that gives you enough food to analyse to begin with. Which brings me to

KAT*ANG

I just go right to the top and take the quote from Br*yke themselves:

Kata*ng was in the DNA of the thing from the start…. [Zutara] was just dark and intriguing.

If you read this quote and then start watching the show, I would (grudgingly) agree that:

Aang and Katara understand and complement each other really well. Aang gives her the chance to have fun and go on adventures and in turn, Katara is his fiercest supporter from the very beginning, something that he really needs after he lost all his people AND has to find out that the world thinks the war is sort of his fault. In turn, the journey to the North Pole is as important to Katara as it is to Aang, because it is her dream to learn waterbending properly. That’s what she literally says when Sokka & Co try to banish Aang: (Sokka: Where do you think you’re going? Katara: To find a waterbender. Aang is taking me to the North Pole.) In that way, they are friends who give and take equally and are equally taken care of. They even have the last Airbender/ last Southern Waterbender status that connects them. The few times they have a fight, Aang does something in the end to redeem himself (perform some heroic feat) and Katara sees that she is right to believe in him.

Aang has this very sweet crush on her and it will be very sweet and wholesome when Katara will return his feelings at the end of their adventure after he has hit puberty. On the other side, there is also some heavy shipbaiting with Zuko: I save you from the pirates. The betrothal necklace. June and her excellent shipping taste. But in the end they are enemies, they barely know each other and, come on, it would be too dark and intriguing! There is no real threat against friends to lovers Kat*ang, the soft heart of the story. It’s very straightforward and there are a lot of simple “the hero saves the day” scenes for Aang but that’s fine! It’s not really my kind of ship but that’s not the point, it works for the story they want to tell.

End of Book 1.

In my - probably harsh- opinion, everything you really need to know about the Kat*ang relationship has been told by this point. If you want to be really mean, already by Book 1, episode 3.

That explains maybe why many (not all! but many) pro-KA arguments sound as if their shippers have not watched Book 2 and 3 at all. The Book 1 synopsis also perfectly sums up Bry*ke’s quote above. But then Book 2 and 3 are still there and I don’t know what happened but it seems as if they somehow decided that the Kat*ang story does not need any new and lasting input. Maybe because they were afraid that too much new development and change would stray too far away from their original Kat*ang vision. But there are still 2 more books and more adventures and Kat*ang somehow has to be kept apart until the finale.

So the tension in their potential romance is based largely on the question whether or not Katara will return Aang’s feelings. In general I don’t have a problem with that will-she-won’t she-technique. It works well in books where the love interest is not a POV or in shows/ movies where the love interest is not one of the main characters. But Katara is not only the female lead but also arguably the narrative voice of the whole story! As a result, this kind of writing makes Katara look as if she doesn’t have any agency in their relationship, which is not surprisingly a very popular anti-KA criticism.

Additionally, since her dream - learning waterbending - has been fulfilled by the end of Book 1, the relationship work becomes a bit one-sided. Of course Aang is the hero and his journey is the heart of the story. But in order to highlight their special connection it would have helped to give Katara another personal agenda, which Aang could have supported in some way. She is still the last Southern Waterbender and he the Last Airbender but this is not really explored in the Kat*ang relationship. And her other personal agenda, her mother, is already reserved for the Zutara arc.

Instead, in Book 2 and 3 the Kat*ang story is somehow all over the place. Of course there is new conflict and a few romantic scenes as well. But obstacles are either introduced too late or just dropped when not needed anymore, conflict is not resolved and their flirty, romantic moments never lead anywhere- and if they do, they lead to more conflict that is not resolved (yes, I am looking at you, EIP Kiss!).

Take for example Katara’s very sudden argument that they cannot be together now because there is a war going on. We hear her saying that for the first time in the very last episode (EIP) before the 4-part finale. That is too late to have any impact! That she has these kinds of thoughts was never even alluded to before. Not once.

Or the pattern Aang runs away/ is flaky - Katara is upset - Aang comes back and does his hero thing - Katara is relieved. In regards to their relationship arc, nothing changes here between Book 1 and the finale, only the stakes for Aang’s heroic performances get higher.

Or Katara being the one who is able to calm Aang down when he cannot control the Avatar state (which, in my personal opinion, is neither romantic nor healthy). This is also connected to the problem with the seventh Chakra, that Aang needs to let go of his attachment for her. I will be angry forever with how they wasted this for a possible relationship development! That Aang has to decide to either do his duty or save his forever girl (because let’s be fair, he did try to let go and only ran when he had the vision of Katara in danger) - that’s a fantastic setup!

But no, it doesn’t have any real consequences for Kat*ang at all. Instead there were only half-baked attempts – Aang does lie about his failed practice with Guru Pathik but the ultimate reason why his chakra is blocked is Azula, not his decision to run. Aang does try to let go of Katara for a little bit but then Azula shoots him. Nothing in Book 3 shows any change in his feelings that could have been a result of his instant let-it-go. If anything, he gets weirdly obsessive - which could have been used as a side effect of his blocked chakra but – again, no, nothing happens.

I suspect the whole thing was just introduced to create temporary drama for poor Aang, but it is never explained why Katara holds him back, what aspect of the attachment is blocking him or what would happen if he did let her go. Maybe they tried to make a statement about how love is more important than Avatar rules – which would have been fine but it’s also never properly explored. Instead, as soon as that plot point becomes inconvenient it’s simply dropped like a random rock™.

Compare all that to the Zutara arc, where both characters’ feelings about each other are always very much in the open, and where every interaction causes lasting effects in their relationship. Yes, it is unfair to compare that to Kat*ang, because up to the end of Book 3, Zuko and Katara almost never meet, while Aang and Katara spend almost every episode together – of course they cannot do meaningful things all the time. But on the other side, with Kat*ang, there would have been a great chance to show a subtle, gradual build-up instead.

It also doesn’t help that the Zutara arc seems hellbent on sabotaging every romantic moment Aang is allowed to enjoy:

There is Kat*angs first maybe-kiss in the dark before the background of the Oma and Shu legend. But it does not lead anywhere. Instead, Zuko and Katara almost reenact the legend itself in the Book 2 finale as two real enemies to almost-friends, including a glowy rocks-backdrop and the right costume colours, just so nobody misses the message.

In Footloose The Headband, Aang and Katara have a really sweet dance together, and everybody can see how they almost intuitively know each other's moves. This could be a great hint on how well they will fight together in the finale. But is it plot-relevant? No, because the final tag team is Katara and Zuko! While Aang gets paired off with random rock™.

Then there is Aang’s riding off to battle- kiss in DotBS, which Katara is not even allowed to enjoy, because keeping her feelings vague is apparently more important than character development at this point. It is the only romantic moment that gets mentioned again, but in a way that sinks the former cute and wholesome ship into the deep ocean, and the reason is - Aang is jealous of Zuko!

If all of this was only done for the sake of shipbaiting, then it really went out of control at some point.

In the end, the showrunners still had their reasons to choose Kat*ang, maybe because that corresponded more to their own vision, and there are still enough people out there who agree with them. Which is absolutely fine! In the end, what matters most is how you personally connect to the characters and nobody needs to defend their personal taste. But the typical anti-ZK claim, that all the Zutarians with their crazy analysis and rambling meta essays are reaching and delusional and that they desperately try to construct something that isn’t there, is not only a very lazy argument but simply not true.

And I’d claim that in spite of the canon choice, Zutara is technically the better written relationship. By far.

#zutara #antikataang #anti kataang #anti-kataang #atla critical #atla writing critical #long post #atla meta

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redhoodssweetheart · 3 years

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Our Growing Family

Series: With All My Love

Pairing: Alpha!Jason Todd x Omega!Fem!Reader

Requested: Yes (Requests for this series are currently open along with a few other series I am working on, all other requests however are CLOSED.)

Word Count: 1.4K

Warnings: Fluff, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, pregnancy.

Description: Jason is away when you find out that you’re pregnant with your first child.

A/N: Please note this series is written out of order as it is a bunch of one-shots. The order they should be read in can be found on my masterlist. Requests for this series and a few others are open, there is a pinned post on my page telling you which ones those are.

Nat had come for a visit when Jason was away for a few days to help Dick with something in Blüdhaven. He called you every night that he was gone making sure you were okay. Being away from one another was hard, but the phone calls helped. It made him feel a little closer when he wasn’t near. Nat knew how hard it was to be away from your alpha and came to stay with you.

Steve was in the city as well, but he promised to let the two of you have girls’ time together. Natasha would spend dinners with him, but the rest of the time was dedicated to you and making sure you were okay. Their two children were currently with another friend of Steve and Natasha’s giving the two of them time away from their duties as parents.

This morning as she was making breakfast you were suddenly turned off by the smell of the food. You weren’t sure what it was, but there was something that had your stomach rolling and you rushed to the bathroom and collapsed in front of the toilet.

Natasha was there in an instant making sure you were okay and you didn’t need anything from her. “Y/N, do you need a doctor? What’s going on?”

You slumped against the wall and fought off another wave of nausea. “I have no idea,” you told her weakly. “That sensation just came out of nowhere.”

Natasha studied you for a moment and then her eyes widened with realization, “Is there anyway that you could be pregnant?”

You sat frozen, your nausea forgotten for the moment. Could you be pregnant? It had been nearly a month since your last heat and you weren’t on birth control. “I… I might be,” you told her, your heart picking up speed. “It’s been a month since my heat and it would make sense.” You scrubbed your face with your hands. “Oh my God, Nat. Am I pregnant?”

The thought scared and excited you at the same time. Were you and Jason ready to become parents? Could you be a good mother to the possible child growing inside you?

Nat saw the nerves written all over your face, “Hey, hey calm down. Let’s panic after we figure out if you’re pregnant. I’ll call Steve and tell him to pick us up a test and we’ll go from there.”

Twenty minutes later Steve was entering your apartment with a bag filled with different tests, “I figured we could try different ones and see what the results are.”

Natasha kissed his cheek and told him what a smart alpha he was, which made Steve preen. It made your heart ache for Jason. He should be here. But then the thought of surprising him once he was home made you feel even more excited.

Snatching the tests out of Steve’s hands you hurried to the bathroom to try the first one. The three of you waited for the results to come in, you paced back and forth nervously. When the timer on Steve’s phone went off you looked at the test, your breath catching in your throat. “Wait is it?” Natasha asked calmly.

“It says I’m pregnant,” you told her.

She squealed, “I knew it!”

Steve patted her shoulder, “She should still take the other tests and see what they say.”

And that was how your day went. Every time you had to pee you would take a test. Out of the seven tests that Steve had picked up only two had been negative. You would still need a doctor to tell you for sure if you were, but at this point it was merely a formality.

Jason called an hour after you had taken your last test. “Hey sweetheart,” he sounded tired.

“Alpha are you taking proper care of yourself?” You questioned, your brows furrowing with concern. “Don’t make me come over there.”

He chuckled, “My tough omega gonna come do my job for me, huh?”

“Yes,” you said sternly. “I need you still so if you get hurt I’m gonna have to hurt Dick for it.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart I’ll be home tomorrow. We finally caught the guy.”

You beamed, “Really?”

“Really,” he said. “Enough about me, tell me about your day.”

You bit your lip as you tried to fight back the smile, “I have a surprise for you when you get home.”

“Oh yeah?” You could hear the curiosity in his voice. “What is it?”

“Now what kind of surprise would it be if I told you?” You questioned. “You’re just gonna have to wait.”

He practically whined at your words, “But sweetheart.”

“No buts, Alpha,” you added the alpha to hopefully placate him some. “You’re just gonna have to wait until you get home.”

You heard shuffling on the other end of the phone, “All right, then I’ll be home in a few hours.”

“Jason! Don’t you dare!” You chastised. “You need sleep.”

“I don’t need sleep, I need answers,” he quoted from The Big Bang Theory.

“Jason--” You were about to tell him not to come when he interrupted by saying, “Gotta go, long drive ahead of me. Get some rest before I get home.”

Then the line went dead and you just stared at your phone. Of course he wasn’t going to wait until tomorrow to get home.

You managed to get a few hours worth of sleep before you felt Jason slip into bed behind you and wrap his arms around you. His comforting scent surrounded you and for a moment you forgot that you were supposed to be mad at him. Then it hit you like a truck that a tired Jason had driven all the way home because he couldn’t wait to find out what his surprise was.

“Jason Peter Todd,” you snapped as you sat up and glared down at your mate and husband. He was giving you a lazy grin and you noticed a few cuts on his face. “You stubborn, stubborn man.”

He sat up and his lips brushed against your neck. He was trying to butter you up so you wouldn’t be as mad at him. “I just had to see you, sweetheart. I was already going crazy being so far away, then you dangled a surprise in front of me? I couldn’t take it anymore.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “You were tired and could have gotten hurt.”

“I was fine,” he said. “I’ve done more dangerous things before.” At your horrified expression he frantically amended, “Before we met!”

You frowned and he wanted to kiss you and try to make it go away, “You have to be careful, Alpha.” You lightly placed your hand against his cheek and stared deeply into his eyes. “For the three of us.”

“Well of course I’ll be careful, sweetheart. You know I only take risks when necessary and I’ll always be there for you.” You wanted to chuckle, your words had gone right over his head. “And you know I’ll always be there--” He paused and his eyes widened, “Wait did you just say the three of us?”

You nodded your head, “I’m pregnant, Jay.”

So many emotions flitted across his face, pride, joy, concern, love. “You’re… you’re pregnant?” You nodded your head again. “We’re gonna have a kid?” Another nod. “I’m gonna be a dad?” This time you laughed and he pulled you into his arms and kissed you soundly. “I’m gonna be a dad!”

“You’re gonna be a great dad, Alpha,” you purred as you placed a kiss on his mating gland. “I still need to confirm it with a doctor, but Steve bought a ton of tests and only two of them were negative so I’m ninety-nine point nine-nine percent sure I’m pregnant.”

One of his hands moved to cover the area where your baby was currently growing and you could see his eyes shining with unshed tears, “I love you, Y/N.” He bent forward and kissed your stomach, “And I love you too, little one.”

“We love you too, Jason,” you whispered before kissing him again.

The two of you spent the rest of the night curled up together thinking over names and how to tell his friends and family. You knew Bruce was gonna get emotional, this was his first grandkid after all. The boys were gonna spoil this kid rotten and you would never have to worry if you’d have someone to babysit. You fell asleep still wrapped in Jason’s arms as he continued to talk about all the things he couldn’t wait to do with your future child.

#Jason Todd x Reader #Alpha!Jason Todd x Omega!Reader #Jason Todd x Fem!Reader #Jason Todd x Reader fluff #Jason Todd #Jason Todd fanfic #Jason Todd fanfiction #Jason Todd fluff #Requested

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9worldstales · 3 years

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MCU “Thor: Ragnarok” - The elevator scene

So I’ve heard that Tom Hiddleston’s interview “Tom Hiddleston Looks Back at 10 Years of Loki | Entertainment Weekly” has sparked some discussion…

…because, when talking of the elevator scene Tom said Thor had been honest in it, sparking the joy of who enjoyed that scene which is one of the few emotional moments of the movie between the two in which Thor says something ‘nice’ to Loki (I think that scene is actually one of the most well known and popular about the movie) and the disagreement of who remembered that Thor used that moment to place an obedience disk on Loki’s back, an obedience disk that basically tortures who wear it once it’s activated… and Thor later activated it when Loki attempted to betray him, and left it activated, abandoning him in that hangar where the grandmaster, which he knows has no qualms to melt people who disappoint him, could find Loki. The fact that Korg finds Loki first and free him from that torture is mere luck on Loki and on Thor’s part as Loki will then bring Asgard a ship large enough to save all the Asgardians.

Long story short, a part of the fandom felt that Thor said such words to cause Loki to lower his guard so that he could place the obedience disk.

So I wanted to share my two cents about it.

But first let’s look at the full script for it.

Thor: Hey, so listen, we should talk. Loki: I disagree. Open communication was never our family's forte. Thor: You have no idea. I've had quite the revelation since we spoke last. [The door opens, revealing a bunch of guards. Thor and Loki heft up two Sakaarian guns.] Thor: Hello! Loki: Hi! [Thor and Loki BLAST all the guards, moving to another door.] Loki: Odin brought us together, it's almost poetic that his death should split us apart. We might as well be strangers now. "Two sons of the crown" set adrift. [A guard tries to ambush Loki through the door. Thor TAKES OUT the guard.] Thor: Thought you didn't want to talk about it? Loki: Here's the thing.

[ELEVATOR. Thor and Loki are going up.] Loki: I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar. Thor: That's exactly what I was thinking. Loki: ...Did you just agree with me? Thor: This place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother, you're going to do GREAT here. Loki: Do you truly think so little of me? [Thor pauses, considers his brother. Then:] Thor: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me... I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago. [Loki is wounded by Thor's willingness to discard him. Masks his feelings with:] Loki: It's probably for the best that we never see one another again. [Beat. Thor pats Loki affectionately on the shoulder. Hold on Loki. Did Thor just get through to him?] Thor: That's what you always wanted.

Yeah, I included the bit prior to it because it kind of introduced the scene. And as the obedience disk scene is also part of the discussion, let’s look at it as well.

Loki: I know I've betrayed you many times before, but this time it's truly nothing personal. The reward for your capture will set me up nicely. He triggers the alarm. Thor: Never one for sentiment, were you? Loki: Easier to let it burn. [But then Loki sees Thor holding up a fob device. Loki realizes that Thor affixed an Obedience Disk on him in that heart-to-heart moment.] Thor: I agree. [BZZZT! Thor ZAPS Loki and HOLDS DOWN the button. Loki HITS the ground, WRITHING in pain. Thor approaches. Pause.] Thor: Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. [Thor continues to "think about it" for a beat while Loki convulses in agony on the floor. Finally, Thor kneels down:] Thor: See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change. But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more. I'll just put this over here for you. [Thor places the fob on top of the security panel, so close but so far from Loki's paralyzed reach.] Thor: Anyway, I got places to be so good luck.

Okay, now with these scenes in mind, let’s go and see how Tom comments the elevator scene.

The elevator scene, in “Ragnarok.” The dialogue was… was scattered across these different… places as they were trying to escape and find their way through. Taika said: “Guys, do you know the rest of the scene?” and we both said: “Yeah.” He said: “Maybe we should just do... do one where we just do all of the dialogue here in the elevator and you haven't really had a chance to catch up and maybe you should just talk to each other,” and Thor… is quite honest with him. And I think it really affects Loki, he thinks ‘oh actually maybe… maybe I got this wrong, maybe I did have a place in that family. Maybe… maybe this guy is my brother,’ but it was a really enjoyable scene because it was just a very quiet moment with Chris in a very calm space in a big colourful spectacular film. [“Tom Hiddleston Looks Back at 10 Years of Loki | Entertainment Weekly”]

So… is Thor being sincere? Or just being manipulative?

When one look at Thor’s sentence there’s a thing that hit me:

Thor: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me... I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.

At Loki’s question ‘Do you truly think so little of me?’ Thor doesn’t say ‘No, I think the world of you.’ He says he THOUGHT the world of him. As in previously he thought the world of him and we can speculate this previously refers to before he stopped considering him a ‘brother’ something that happened likely in “The Avengers” according to “Thor: The Dark World”, probably when Thor told him they could stop the Chitauri together and Loki stabbed him.

Thor: I don't. Mother did. You should know that when we fought each other in the past, I did so with a glimmer of hope that my brother was still in there somewhere. That hope no longer exists to protect you. You betray me and I will kill you.

And I can believe Thor used to love Loki before all that, so he’s sincere in saying that, back then, he thought the world of him.

Now, I know there’s people who think Thor didn’t properly appreciate Loki in “Thor”, especially when he used the pretty unlucky sentence ‘Know your place, Brother’ but also when, in a cut scene, he waved away Loki’s contribute to the victory saying ‘Some do battle, others just do tricks’ but this is exactly the point.

Thor’s ‘sin’ in that moment is his vanity, his arc in the movie centred on him learning humility.

Thor loved Loki, same as Kevin Lomax, in “The Devil’s Advocate” loved Mary Ann. There’s quite a good quote in that movie.

John Milton: I rest my case. Vanity is definitely my favorite sin. Self-love, the all-natural opiate. It's not like you didn't care for Mary Ann, Kevin. You were just a little more involved with someone else: yourself.

Thor also in the first half of the movie was more involved in himself than he was in his brother. Or his friends. Let’s remember Fandral got hurt and it was Loki and Volstagg which helped him, while the Thor is described by the script as busy fighting the Frost Giants, his bloodlust rising, with Loki and Sif both telling Thor they’ve to leave instead.

Loki: Thor, we must go! [Thor, still without his hammer, fights his Jotun foes mercilessly, a man consumed by blood lust. Loki sees the look on his brother's face -- the savage thrill of the heat of battle.] Thor: Then go! Sif: There are too many of them! Thor: I can stop them! [The others hesitate. Jotuns break up through the ice all around them.] Sif: Thor! [But Thor ignores his comrades, continues fighting.]

When they’ll be back to Asgard it’ll be Odin who’ll say Fandral has to be taken to the healing room, not Thor, something that the movie will technically address when it’ll show that Thor, once back to Asgard after he learnt humility on Midgard, will be the one to tell his friends to bring Heimdall to the healing room.

in “Thor”, Thor had to be a bad brother due to his vanity… but this doesn’t mean he was an unloving one, just one who might have thought the world about Loki… but thought the whole universe about himself and thought more about himself than he ever did at Loki… because he was vain.

Sadly although most of the second half of the movie is set up to prove Thor is the opposite of how he was before, they never quite manage to prove he would have an opposite dynamic with Loki. He tries to save him twice, and clearly didn’t want him to let go, he tells his brother not to let go, he’s the one who screams when Loki does anyway, while Odin merely says a quiet no which wasn’t even in the original old script, but, unless we consider the fact he accepted Loki to be the king to exist to be the opposite of ‘Know your place, Brother’, this is maybe the only aspect in which the movie doesn’t prove Thor now has a reverse mentality (I’ve listed all the scenes the movie had or was meant to have that proved how Thor made a 180° turn in another meta if someone is interested).

But whatever, Thor’s ‘Loki, I thought the world of you’ was clearly meant to be the truth, Thor used to think so of Loki, the movie is just skipping on the part he wasn’t so good at showing it because in “Thor” Thor was a vain boy.

And it’s likely also the truth how Thor said ‘I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever.’

In “The Avengers” Thor not only insisted for Loki to come back home but also for them to fight together against the Chitauri.

Thor: Look at this! Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule? Loki: (tries to look away) It's too late. It's too late to stop it. Thor: No. We can. Together.

And the fact they used to fight together is implied in the already mentioned cut scene of “Thor” as well as again, in “The Avengers”.

Thor: We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?

So yes, Thor for a while thought they were gonna fight side by side forever, then things in “The Avengers” went downhill and by the time “Thor: The Dark World” comes around he refuses to acknowledge Loki as his brother… even though he still needs him.

There’s no lies in Thor’s words, he said something he thought before Loki’s fall, that he and Loki would always fight together, on the same side and, all considered, he had no reason to think otherwise. He had no idea things would take a turn for worse so of course he would think Loki would continue to fight at his side. The old script and the novel implied the original plan prior to the coronation was for Thor to rule and for Loki to be at his side, offering him counsel.

Odin: Do you think he's ready? Frigga: He thinks he is. He has his father's confidence. Odin: He'll need his father's wisdom. Frigga: And his humility? [Odin reacts.] Frigga: (cont’d) Thor won't be alone. Loki will be at his side to give him counsel. Have faith in your sons. Odin: Yes, but Thor's still a boy. He could be a great King...

So yes, in this too Thor is sincere. He assumed Loki would stay at his side. He had no reason to think otherwise.

The last bit though, ‘But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me... I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago’ is just Thor basically letting go of Loki. Loki is not him, maybe there’s good in Loki, maybe he’s just evil but anyway he isn’t going to be a hero like Thor. As he said before, for Thor, place like Saakar, savage, chaotic, lawless, is perfect for someone like Loki.

Is he being manipulative here? He’s rejecting Loki knowing Loki actually needs Thor to tell him he needs him?

Well this is what Hemsworth said Thor was thinking about Loki:

One of the more fascinating parts of the franchise has been the relationship between Thor and Loki… How do you continue that relationship without repeating what you’ve already done before? Hemsworth: Without giving too much away, I didn't want to repeat that relationship either. And Tom felt the same. All of us were like, ‘What can we do again here?’ There’s a bit of reversal as far as... In the first films, a lot of the time you’re seeing Thor going, 'Come back Loki, and da-da-da-da.' [But now] there’s a feeling from Thor that’s just like, 'You know what, kid? Do what you want. You’re a screw up. So whatever. Do your thing.' [Chris Hemsworth ‘Thor Ragnarok’, Embracing the Comedy, the Thor-Loki Relationship and More]

Loki is a ‘screw up’. He’s no more someone he thought the world of. He doesn’t think anymore they would keep on fighting together. He doesn’t care.

And this is what Waititi said.

Hewitt: For Loki, he might actually be the most emotionally independent of the movie, and I love that the big emotional epiphany comes when one brother is essentially electrocuting the other? Ah- Waititi: *chuckles* Hewitt: *chuckling* Yeah. But there’s a speech to Loki that Thor gives about change and about how you should change, that’s the first time I think Loki’s ever really listened. Waititi: Mm-hmm. Hewitt: From what we’ve seen, you know, there are moments in this movie where, you know, the betrayal takes place as you might expect, and then you begin to move it on beyond that and the character actually begins to change. Ah, can you talk about... progressing Loki, I guess, as a character? Waititi: Yeah. Yeah, well I feel like we were- You know, we didn’t want to change him too much because he was so popular and the fans love that version of him. We wanted to keep- we needed to retain who he is, because when you start changing all of the characters and just doing it for the sake of change, you know, people can’t handle that and definitely fans can’t handle that. So you know he was one of the few characters that we, you know, that we changed and so I made sure that- *pause* -that the main changes that were gonna happen there were to do with the brothers, and to do with their relationship, because I think people wanted to see that arc end on a satisfying way and culmination of all these films and all of the events being that Thor and Loki finally found some sort of way of co-existing without Thor always saying, “Loki, stop this madness! Come hooome! Oh, you can do better!” Instead of pleading with him, just, you know, I feel that’s the most mature version of these guys, you know, is to say to him, “Man, it’s cool. You keep doing what you’re doing, I’m- You know, I don’t need to change you. I’ve all the other stuff to concentrate on, that change thing is up to you, I’m not gonna- I’m sick of, like, pleading with you to, you know, to change your ways.” And I feel like giving that decision to Loki and letting him make that decision for himself was actually the most satisfying version of those have been. [“Empire Podcast Spoiler Special Thor Ragnarok with Taika Waititi”]

To be honest most of the discussion more than about the elevator scene is about the electrocution scene and the first part is Hewitt’s interpretation but Waititi does not disagree. Anyway the root of the discussion is that, according to Waititi, Thor isn’t trying to get Loki to change his mind, Thor is just done with Loki, which fits not just with the electrocution scene but also with the elevator scene. It’s not a very loving message.

If I were to question Hiddleston’s interpretation, I wouldn’t disagree on Thor being honest, I would just find weird that Loki had reacted to such words thinking ‘oh actually maybe… maybe I got this wrong, maybe I did have a place in that family. Maybe… maybe this guy is my brother,’ for two good reasons. One is that Thor spoke not in present simple but in past simple, so maybe that guy WAS his brother, now he doesn’t care about him anymore. As he said in “Thor: The Dark World” Thor has again renounced him. The second is… the electrocution scene, which starts with Loki betraying Thor.

Yeah, I know there are fans who interpret it as Loki not wanting Thor to die fighting Hela which I TRULY love because sometimes fans have better interpretations than the authors on why the character do what they do, but, skipping that the idea of handing him to the Grandmaster who could very well melt him wasn’t that bright (but whatever, Loki could still think he’ll manage to persuade the Grandmaster to let him alive and use him to replace the Hulk), this clearly wasn’t Waititi’s intent.

Waititi didn’t correct Hewitt when he talks about the scene and how that’s the first time Loki’s ever really listened. In Waititi’s intent the elevator’s scene is just an addition, something in which Thor and Loki talk to each other because they hadn’t had the chance to catch up before the electrocution scene that would remark how Loki is again betraying Thor but how Thor this time has grown and can predict Loki’s betrayal and be ready to strike back and even give him the speech that will cause Loki’s change of heart. Long story short, the elevator scene was an afterthought, what was meant to be included was the electrocution scene because on that scene was supposed to be rooted the idea Loki would change.

And of course this is a HUGE problem, because if you, up until a moment before, were willing to sell your brother to someone like the Grandmaster for money, the fact that he electrocute you and leave you writhing in pain on the floor, KNOWING if the Grandmaster finds you empty handed he will melt you… well, this normally wouldn’t inspire you to have brotherly feelings, speech about having the potential for being more or not.

Long story short, the idea that Loki would go to save Thor and the Asgardians DESPITE that, merely due to Thor’s pretty speech, doesn’t really feel that logic at all, never mentioning that something that gives you enough pain to cause you to crumble on the floor and be unable to move might not help you to be an attentive listener.

I’m not even sure why there’s this idea that Thor was always ‘come back, brother’ since in “Thor: The Dark World” Thor definitely wasn’t asking him to come back, he was actually giving up on him in an even more drastic way than he did in “Thor: Ragnarok”…

Loki: You must be truly desperate to come to me for help. What makes you think you can trust me? Thor: I don't. Mother did. You should know that when we fought each other in the past, I did so with a glimmer of hope that my brother was still in there somewhere. That hope no longer exists to protect you. You betray me and I will kill you. [Loki smiles]

It’s not said solely in the script, this is what Hiddleston said about Loki in “Thor: The Dark World” as well:

…and in a way reverse the arc of the character. Because he’s always defined himself in opposition. Thor has always been offering an olive branch. ‘Come back. We forgive you. Come back.’ And it’s Loki’s kind of arrogant privilege to say ‘No. I still hate you.’ And…in this film I think…nobody’s offering the olive branch. He’s in prison, condemned to be written out of history, forgotten, unseen, unheard, and haunted by his demons. You have to change at that point. So that surprised me. How far further down does he go before he hits rock bottom? Is there one for him? And…could he come back up? [“Nov 2013 Hiddleston Interview: Commentary on the Commentary (and much more)“]

…and yet, in “Thor: The Dark World”, despite his brother saying he previously held back when fighting because he hoped his brother was still there (a clear hint he loved such brother) and that now he no longer believes in such hope, Loki didn’t sell him to the Dark Elves and even stopped the Kurse from killing him, which lead him to be stabbed… and mind you, originally the wound was meant to be fatal… but whatever, this is a discussion for another post.

Anyway basically what Thor told him back then… is more or less the same he told him in the elevator scene so Tom Hiddleston’s explanation about how this would AGAIN affect Loki would make sense if it wasn’t for the electrocution scene that gets in the way.

On another note the Junior novel is apparently based on an older script for “Thor: Ragnarok” and in it things work a lot more better.

There’s no elevator scene or electrocution scene. The two brother had a talk in which Thor bares his soul to Loki and encourages him to change as well.

“You’ll help us free Asgard from Hela’s grip when we arrive? I can count on you?” Thor asked. “Of course. After all, I’m sure you blame me for her resurgence. It’s at least I can do.” Loki appeared contrite. “Although, I am curious, why the sudden change of heart to become Odinson and assume the throne?” “It is what is needed to defeat Hela. Therefore it is my duty,” Thor said plainly. He let out a small sigh, his voice almost apologetic. “In the past I demanded the throne when I hadn’t earned it, and then refused the throne when Asgard needed me most. You stole it. Twice.” “Yet you are always forgiven,” Loki said, trying not to sneer. “My point is that our self-centered conflict over Asgard has ruined our kingdom. We have been so focused on fighting for the top we’ve forgotten there’s a middle and a bottom. If I’m to be king, then I want to be a custodian, not a conqueror.” “Why the sudden baring of your soul to me?” Loki asked. Thor turned to his brother. “Because I want to change. I want to be better. And I think you can, too. Helping us escape has shown you can take strides toward that.” He looked at Loki earnestly. “Make a fresh start, brother. It’s time.” [“Thor: Ragnarok - The Junior Novel”]

While this bit is clearly not perfect (especially since there are some canon mistakes) it contains the same idea that Loki should change and be more that is also in the electrocution speech, but it’s way more love inspiring than having your brother leaving you wriggling in pain on the floor.

Thor doesn’t try to pass himself for a perfect hero but admits his faults as well as the wish to be better. This dialogue continues with the theme of “Thor” in which Thor tries to be worthy and, in opening his heart to Loki and saying they can both improve could have reminded him again they used to be brothers who loved each other and their own country.

But, okay, I’m digressing.

On another note… it’s clear they expected Tom Hiddleston to say something nice about “Thor: Ragnarok”. I know there’s a huge part of the fandom who would just love if it were to respectfully disrespected but, for start, I don’t think that’s Hiddleson’s style and, anyway, he wouldn’t be allowed to do so. Not only “Thor: Ragnarok” was successful but Waititi is now directing “Thor: Love and Thunder”. Marvel clearly counts on it to ride the success of “Thor: Ragnarok” and be successful as well so it’s not like they’ll want us to forget it or allow Hiddleston to speak poorly of it.

Still there are some interesting things to point out.

The first is that Hiddleston spoke about the other movies a lot more than about this one. It’s around 1 minute commenting versus the 1 minute and a half of the other 3 movies and he mentions just that one scene while in the others we see more than 1 (I’m obviously skipping “Avengers: Infinity War” and “Avengers: Endgame” because Loki’s role in the was way too small to discuss it at length).

Long story short, while Hiddleston doesn’t say anything against “Thor: Ragnarok” he clearly didn’t have much he wanted to say. He focused on what to the audience felt a nice moment about Thor and Loki and then moved on.

The second scene is that in the montage of the video they cut part of Thor’s sentence so that all the viewers hear is “I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me... I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.”

Basically they left out the “Loki, I thought the world of you.”

Maybe it’s a coincidence but still it’s interesting they didn’t realize they were cutting the most emotional line of that bit.

Whatever, it happens.

Anyway, for what’s worth, those are my two cents on the whole thing.

#thor #thor odinson #loki #loki odinson #tom hiddleston #interview #9 worlds study #mcu thor #mcu the avengers #mcu thor the dark world #mcu thor ragnarok #mcu avengers infinity war #mcu avengers endgame #odin borson #frigga

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felassan · 3 years

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Dragon Age Library Edition Volume 1 annotations & additional pages/art compilation

Dragon Age Library Edition Volume 1 is a hardcover collection of some pre-existing Dragon Age comics that was released in 2014. It comprises of all issues of The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak and Until We Sleep. In places, it includes additional annotations/commentaries by the illustrators and authors, as well as a few additional pages with additional art. iirc these additional annotations and pages/art aren’t featured or available anywhere else (in the franchise I mean; other people have probably put them online at some point I’m sure).

From what I can see at least, Library Edition Volume 1 is no longer in print, and as such listings for it on resale sites etc are.. price-inflated & prohibitively expensive (~£100+, which I’m sure we can all agree is just not reasonable or accessible to most people). Due to this, I’ve compiled the additional annotations and pages here in this post. Thank you and credit to @artevalentinapaz, who kindly shared the material with me. This post has been made with their permission. The rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

These commentaries are in the context of The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak and Until We Sleep. If you notice any errors or annotations missing, or need anything clarified, just let me know. I think the annotations are in chronological order. In places I elaborated in square brackets to help explain which part of the comics an annotation is referring to. A note before you proceed further: some of the topics referenced in the annotations/additional pages are heavy or uncomfortable. The quotes here are word-for-word transcriptions of dev/creator commentaries, not my personal opinions or phrasings.

(Also, I do recommend always supporting comic creators by purchasing their comics legitimately. I own each issue of these comics having bought other editions of them all legitimately. The reason I put this post together is because this specific Library Edition volume has been discontinued and the consequently-inflated cost is so high, rendering the additional material inaccessible to most.)

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The Silent Grove annotations

Illustrator Chad Hardin: “I used to be an environmental artist for video games, so I built a 3-D model of Antiva City using the program Silo. Many of the buildings are simple cubes, but a few are more detailed. Overall, I spent the better part of a day building it, but I used it again and again throughout The Silent Grove to maintain continuity in the backgrounds.”

Script Writer Alexander Freed: “Even working with David Gaider, it took me several drafts to find Alistair’s voice. His narrative had to convey his humor and self-doubt from Dragon Age: Origins while suggesting a newfound weariness earned during his years on the throne. For readers familiar with the character, he needed to seem like a changed Alistair - but Alistair nonetheless.”

Chad Hardin: “If you read a lot of comics, you might wonder why the majority of the heroes wear skin-tight suits. Well, I can tell you: they are easy and quick to draw. In video games, you build the model once and then animate it, so details don’t slow you down. In comics, everything has to be rendered by hand. Varric and Alistair’s outfits were quite detailed. It took me a long time to get used to them, and even longer to memorize the designs until drawing them was second nature - Varric’s knee armor in particular! Oy vey!”

David Gaider: “One of my favorite scenes in the entire series [when Varric and Isabela are disarming traps and picking locks together while Alistair looks on]. Isabela and Varric, doing what rogues do. I had a suggestion for how to put it together, but Alex managed to make it fit and did a great job with it.”

Chad Hardin: “I never used to keep any of the artwork I created for comics. I would just hand the pages over to my agent to sell. This page [when Alistair, Varric and Isabela are in a tavern together, with hookah in the foreground] I kept for myself. I love the hookah-smoking elves in the second panel and Isabela’s face in the last panel. I rendered the first four chapters of The Silent Grove in grayscale using ink washes, gouache and Copie markers.”

David Gaider: “For a little while, Varric [in these comic stories] was supposed to be Zevran from Dragon Age: Origins, which would have made sense, Zevran being Antivan and all. I know that some fans would have loved to see him, but the dynamics of the group just didn’t work as well. Then a planned cameo later had to be cut for space. Ah well, Zev, another time.”

Alexander Freed: “Isabela at her most dangerous [climbing up the side of the cliff]. This scene - featuring a scantily clad, dripping-wet woman who tends to flaunt her sexuality - could easily have come across as exploitative, but Chad did a lovely drop portraying Isabela as purely focused and deadly.”

Chad Hardin: “Isabela rising out of the water and scaling the cliff with the knife in her mouth is one of my favorite parts of The Silent Grove. It is one of those moments where the writing really inspired the art. Hats off to Alex and David. This is another page I kept for myself.”

Colorist Michael Atiyeh: “This is one of my favorite Dragon Age pages. Chad is such an amazing artist; I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with him.”

Chad Hardin: “I love that this page [when a guard spots Varric and shouts ‘Intruder!’] made it in uncensored. So many times in comics, I draw something and some stuffy lawyers come out of the woodwork and tell me to tone it down. Dark Horse and BioWare always let me have fun, and this turned out to be one of my favorite pages with Varric and Bianca. Any guesses to which word he is mouthing in the second panel?”

Alexander Freed: “Note the simple decency of Alistair as he gives his cloak, without comment, to Isabela. For all his flaws, he’s genuinely kind at heart - a rare enough trait in Isabela’s world that I think it’s much of what she values in him.”

Chad Hardin: “I love the opening panel to this chapter [the opening panels to Chapter 3, when the team are on a ship at sea]. It’s the image I use on the homepage of my website. This page was a gift to my cousin Wendy, who loves pirates. Seascapes with sailing ships might be clichéd in fine art, but for me it was a first.”

David Gaider: “I wanted to have this story center on the group travelling to a Witch of the Wilds other than Flemeth, and originally I had set it somewhere else - until I remembered a Codex entry from Dragon: Age Origins that offhandedly mentioned a witch in the Tellari Swamps. Brilliant! It’d look like I planned it all along. I didn’t.”

Michael Atiyeh: “I love opportunities where I can show a change in the time of day as you move from panel to panel [when the ship heads towards and the team arrive in the Tellari Swamps]. I feel the palette of each panel is very distinct and beautiful.”

Alexander Freed: “Why did Alistair choose two people he barely knows to be his companions on this quest? We never make this explicit, but of course Varric is on the right track. Alistair wants to surround himself with people who don’t know him and won’t judge him, yet it’s Alistair’s idealism that Isabela and Varric work to preserve.”

Chad Hardin: “Another page where the writing inspired the art [when the group suddenly encounter a dragon]. I love the dragon bursting onto the scene and Isabela’s stare. Some writers will try to cram six or seven panels on a page like this and the pacing just doesn’t allow the artist to give each moment the right punch. Can you imagine if the first panel was crammed into a single square inch?”

Chad Hardin: “Yavana was one of the only characters that we did no preliminary sketches for. I don’t know how that happened, but thankfully it worked out.”

David Gaider: “I love how Yavana looks like a cross between Flemeth and Morrigan. Flemmigan? She’s totally Chad’s design, and it’s great. Typical for these witches, she never says things straight. In my mind, this Alistair is the one who did the Dark Ritual in Dragon Age: Origins - and I was half-tempted to have him lose his cool in this first scene [opening panels of Chapter 4] with her. Too early, though.”

Alexander Freed: “Through this whole sequence [the page when Varric aims Bianca at Yavana], Yavana is dropping cryptic hints and Alistair is refusing to play along. He’s met Flemeth and Morrigan - he knows Yavana won’t give him a straight answer, and he won’t give her the satisfaction of asking needlessly.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Sometimes it’s the little things on a page that spark my interest. Here [when the team navigate vines and mud to get to the temple], the sunset panel came out great and the mud looks really thick and gooey. It’s fun to focus on these details and make them stand out.”

Chad Hardin: “I hated drawing this scene [when Isabela gets kicked] where Isabela gets the boot to the face. Call me old fashioned, but I was raised to believe that only a coward would ever hit a woman (even a battle-hardened pirate adventurer). I draw at home, and my girls often watch me work in my studio. This was a page I didn’t want them watching me draw. I do like, though, that Isabela gets up, yanks the arrow out, and then soldiers on (and later extracts brutal revenge).”

Michael Atiyeh: “Poor Isabela. It seems I gave her more bruises and black eyes than any of the other characters. [when Isabela is yanking the arrow out]”

Chad Hardin: “It’s always interesting to go back and look at artwork because it reminds me of what was going on in my life at the time. I inked this page [opening panels of Chapter 5] at a ‘draw night’ session at an anime convention in St. George, Utah. I was one of the special guests, but I missed the first day because I was at my grandfather’s funeral in Las Vegas, Nevada. Seeing this page brought back those memories.”

David Gaider: “‘Bianca says hello.’ [quoting the panels being referenced] I adore Varric. I was tempted to have him narrate the entire series [in reference to these three comics], but then again I liked the idea of having each series center on one of the trio’s viewpoints. This book belongs to Alistair, but that doesn’t stop Varric from getting all the best lines.”

Alexander Freed: “Claudio, of course, is not a terribly sympathetic figure. But I wanted to emphasize that he takes this fight as personally as Isabela - he sincerely loved Luis and blames Isabela for the man’s death. I think it’s important to give every character, even the most loathsome, some dignity. [when Isabela and Claudio are fighting]”

Chad Hardin: “Payback! Here is where Isabela extracts her revenge on Claudio [when Isabela stabs Claudio]. I never enjoyed killing off a character so much. I particularly enjoyed putting the look of shock in his eyes. He had it coming. There is something satisfying about killing a ‘made man’.”

Chad Hardin: “Every now and then when drawing comics, I wish I could animate some panels and watch them as a cartoon. It would be great to see this sequence [when Yavana catches Claudio’s soul] in full motion as Yavana snatches Claudio’s soul, makes it reenter his corpse and then extracts information from him until he bursts into flame. It was a very Hellboy-ish moment. I enjoyed the movie that played in my mind while drawing this scene. Hope everyone liked the result.”

Chad Hardin: “As I mentioned on page 17, I rendered the first four chapters in grayscale, which made the black-and-white art look great, but had a neutralizing effect when it came to colors. By the time I drew chapter 4, I had seen the effect it was having and decided to stop using the grayscale so the colors would pop. When I saw this page [when Alistair says to Yavana ‘And we helped you find it’] in print, it confirmed to me that I made the right decision. I honestly feel this art was the best of The Silent Grove.”

Chad Hardin: “I practically painted these pages [when Yavana says ‘It is permitted. Tonight and only tonight’] in thumbnails hoping it would help me choose how to render them in ink. It is so hard trying to figure out how to get a full range of value out of just black and white. There are some artists and inkers that make this look easy. Mark Schultz comes to mind. Michael saved my bacon. Colorists really do so much work when it comes to rendering; this page came out awesome because of him.”

David Gaider: “Here we reveal the existence of Great Dragons (as opposed to High Dragons), and also that Yavana was the source of the return of dragons to Thedas after their departure for so many centuries. But why? There’s the rub, and not even Alistair can trust that she’s telling him the truth.”

David Gaider: “Here’s the controversial scene [Alistair killing Yavana]. I think some fans don’t like that Alistair did this, and have said they consider it out of character. I don’t. From his perspective, Flemeth and her daughters have been toying with the world for reasons that can’t be trusted. They dragged Maric away from his family, from him. One might think his judgement foolish, but considering what Alistair was capable of deciding even back in Dragon Age: Origins, it’s certainly not out of character.”

Chad Hardin: “[same scene as above] This was a controversial page, and there were a lot of people who thought it was out of character for Alistair to kill Yavana (I didn’t see it coming - I mean, you just don’t kill a Witch of the Wild), but here is the thing: this page is Alistair acting as a king. Yavana has been manipulating him, trying to play him like a pawn, and he just can’t allow that. There’s too much at stake, for himself and for his subjects.”

Alexander Freed: “The end? An end, at least [the trio walking off into the distance]. The series needed a note of closure while leading into Those Who Speak (which wouldn’t arrive until many months later). David tweaked the ending in the outline several times, and I did my best to balance resolving Alistair’s emotional journey without resolving the quest. It’s not as clean as I’d have liked, but fortunately, now it’s all in one volume...”

Those Who Speak annotations

Alexander Freed: “Capturing Isabela’s narrative voice was much easier for me than capturing Alistair’s - partly because I’d already written The Silent Grove, and partly because of my own writing proclivities. Rereading now, I wonder if I laid on the (mild) profanity a bit too thick. I’ll leave you to judge.”

David Gaider: “I like the additional detail Alex and Chad put in, letting us see more of Qarinus and more of Isabela’s crew. Alex wanted to give her crew more of a presence, and let her first mate have some face time, so they weren’t just parts of the scenery. Good call on his part.”

David Gaider: “I’m really fond of the formal getups Chad made for the party. Isabela’s actually comes from a concept we didn’t use from the cancelled Dragon Age 2 expansion, if I remember right. And Maevaris came from me asking for ‘someone who looks like Mae West’ - with the wonderful outfit all Chad’s doing.

Chad Hardin: “Maevaris. I love Mae. When David and Dragon Age art director Matthew Goldman spoke to me about designing Mae, they wanted her to be fully female with the exception of her biology. They told me to think ‘Mae West’. Well, when I think of Mae West, I think of her... womanly shape. So, drawing Maevaris was always walking a fine line between portraying Mae’s identity and her biology. The process endeared her to me.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Just like in The Silent Grove, we are introduced to another gentleman from Isabela’s past [when the team meet Lord Devon and Isabela threatens him]. As was the case with Claudio, he will meet his fate at her hands.”

Chad Hardin: “When I was drawing Titus, my kids asked me why I was drawing ‘angry Jesus’ or ‘evil Jesus’. I can’t remember which term they used exactly, but it made me chuckle. I was going for a mix of Rapustin and Joe Stalin, but ‘evil Jesus’ would do.”

David Gaider: “I’m not sure it’s apparent here [when Alistair says ‘I’d really rather not’], but Alistair was supposed to be using one of his Templar powers on Titus (that’s why Titus recognizes what he is on the next page) and disrupting his magic.”

Alexander Freed: “Isabela is witty and charming enough that it can be easy to forget that she’s not, in fact, a nice person. Even after finishing the outline, David was concerned about making her too unsympathetic - but I loved his approach in this series. The dark deeds Isabela commits - this murder included [Isabela killing Lord Devon] - are what make her guilt tangible and no easy matter to overcome.”

Alexander Freed: “I thought the notions of Isabela’s pride in her captaincy and dedication to her crew were some of the most interesting aspects of her character in David’s story. In scenes here [when Isabela is on her ship saying ‘Keep them focused and keep them sober’] and elsewhere, I did my best to emphasize their place at the core of Isabela’s world.”

Chad Hardin: “Most of the time I draw from imagination, but because of the complexity of this page [Qunari trying to board Isabela’s ship] I decided it would work better if I had photo reference. On this page are my nephews Jared (Varric) and Adam, my niece Melissa, my kids Erica, Tasey Michaela (Isabela) and Chad (Alistair), my friend’s daughter Amy, my wife Joy, and the neighborhood kids as Isabela’s pirate crew. (The crew member mooning the Qunari is out of my ol’ noodle.) I paid their modelling fee in pizza and root beer. Also, I had originally drawn cannons on Isabela’s ship, so if there are parts of it that look slightly wonky, chances are there was a cannon there.”

David Gaider: “Ever since the BioWare artists finally did a concept for female Qunari, I’ve been itching to include one in the game. It’s always slipped through my fingers, so I was going to be damned if I’d have a Qunari plot in a comic - without the same technical limitations - and not have one present.

Chad Hardin: “I had no idea this was the first time anyone outside of BioWare had seen a female Qunari.”

Michael Atiyeh: “I really like the lighting in this sequence [Isabela in her cell thinking ‘I haven’t eaten in days’], especially the strong white light and the characters in shadow.”

David Gaider: “The entire sequence of Rasaan interrogating Isabela was something I plotted out in detail when this series began. Here they discuss names - something treated in a manner peculiar to the Qunari, considering how much importance they apply to what things are called (and not called), because it forms the core of their identity. Isabela brushes it off, but as we find out later it’s also at the core of her identity. I liked that parallel.”

Alexander Freed: “To balance out the relatively static talking pages elsewhere in the issue, I hoped to make the interrogation and flashback sequences beautiful and full of information. I proposed an approach to Chad, and he wisely reshaped it into what you see here [the page with the scene where Isabela says ‘I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes’]. Anything that succeeds on these pages should be credited to him; anything that fails is my fault.”

Chad Hardin: “Probably the most challenging spread I have ever done. My friend Stacie Pitt was the model for Isabela on this page, and my wife Joy was Rasaan. I saved these pages [around the scene when Rasaan says ‘Mistakes can be corrected’] for myself.”

David Gaider: “Sten from Dragon Age: Origins becoming the new Arishok of the Qunari was something we'd planned even during Dragon Age 2. This was a great opportunity to show that, and also to show that Sten didn’t acquire horns even despite the makeover the Qunari received in DA2. Hornless Qunari are considered special, and Sten is no exception.”

Michael Atiyeh: “I think that David, Alex and Chad handled Isabela’s flashback [to when she was sold by her mother] in an interesting way, and it created a nice flow to the story.”

David Gaider: “This was a controversial scene [what happened to the slaves Isabela was transporting], the end result of a lot of discussions between me and Isabela’s original writer on the team, and it went through a lot of revisions over that time. It needed to fit with the story Isabela told the player in DA2, but fill in the blanks of what she didn’t tell. We didn’t want Isabela to be someone who became who she is because she was ‘broken’ but instead as a result of her own actions - yet also not be completely beyond redemption.”

Chad Hardin: “These were hard pages [as above] to draw. It was difficult knowing that events such as this are part of human history, such as the Zong massacre in 1781, where the British courts ordered the insurers to reimburse the crew of the Zong for financial losses caused by throwing slaves overboard when faced with a lack of water. Horrifying beyond words.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Here, Isabela visits here crew, and I wanted to play up that she was in the light and they were in a dark cell. The light streaming through the bars gave me the opportunity to highlight Brand, who also had dialogue in the scene.”

Alexander Freed: “I struggled to find a way for Varric to contribute to victory without distracting from Alistair and Sten’s big fight. I’m happy with the solution: a brazen lie seemed appropriate to the character without taking away from the main show.”

David Gaider: “I believe my original plan had Isabela’s and Alistair’s fight scenes happening separately, but I like how Alex intertwined them in the script and I especially like how this ends up highlighting the differences between their characters when their fights are resolved. Isabela is defiant, revealing her name not because Rasaan demands it but because it’s her choice. In both cases, mercy is strength.”

Michael Atiyeh: “The brush I created for the clouds really gave them a nice watercolor effect here [on the deck of the ship, Sten calling Alistair ‘kadan’]. That brush has become a staple in my toolbox.”

Alexander Freed: “With the strong theme of names running through these issues, I liked the notion that Isabela had outgrown being, well, ‘Isabela’. When her name comes up in Until We Sleep, it’s largely played with ambiguity.”

Until We Sleep annotations

Alexander Freed: “The story of ‘Arthur’ is one of my favorite minor sequences [Varric infiltrating and fighting his way into the fortress]. It tells us something about Varric and it delivers plot information - and it’s also a reminder that our heroes kill an awful lot of people during these series and cope with it in their own ways. In general, writing Varric let me skirt the edge of metacommentary, which I greatly enjoyed.”

David Gaider: “Varric, as always, is my ‘voice of the narrator’. Here he’s expressing some of my own amusement at Alistair’s growing list of peculiarities [‘Your majesty is quite the special snowflake’]. To think, back at the beginning of Dragon Age: Origins he was just the player’s goofy sidekick who grew up in a barn.”

Michael Atiyeh: “By the third series, Until We Sleep, I really started to have a complete feel for what I wanted the final art to look like. As an artist, it’s important to continue to evolve and grow. The close-up of Sten’s face [same page as above] is a perfect example of how I wanted the rendering on the characters to look.”

Alexander Freed: “David’s outline called for a short, somber reveal of the Calenhad story by Sten. Fueled by my desire to avoid ‘talking heads’ sequences, I scripted it as a full-on storytelling flashback. David made sure the history worked (at least from the Qunari point of view), and Chad did a beautiful job handling it in a mere two pages.”

David Gaider: “Blood is important in Dragon Age, as a theme. Here we tie in the dragon blood that was mentioned all the way back in The Silent Grove and explain what it means at last. I was a bit hesitant to tarnish the legend of Calenhad the Great in this way, but I comfort myself with the knowledge this tale is but a viewpoint and not necessarily the entire truth.”

Michael Atiyeh: “Titus melting the attacker is a great example of classic comicbook storytelling and exactly what made me fall in love with the medium.”

David Gaider: “I was really happy with how Chad handled the reveal of Mae as transgender [the scene with Mae in the cell]. My worry was that Varric finding her disrobed might be potentially titillating, but I think he handled it nicely. I only wish there was more time to have Mae properly respond to being exposed in this manner, even to a friend.”

Chad Hardin: “I originally drew Mae as female [same scene as above], then changed her anatomy, so the psychological violation and humiliation she felt would be the focus. Hope that came across.”

Chad Hardin: “When in doubt, have Bianca shoot it [Varric shooting the artifact].”

David Gaider: “This scene [Varric and Bianca the dwarf] with Varric was one I wanted to do for a very long time. We’ve hinted that Varric’s crossbow was named after a real person, someone he never wants to talk about. Now I finally had the chance to show why.”

Chad Hardin: “Of all my Dragon Age pages, this scene was hands down my favorite, because Varric is my favorite. It was awesome to get to draw Bianca in her dwarven form. These scenes give you a glimpse of the love Varric and Bianca shared. It doesn’t tell you the whole story, but you can assume plenty from what is shown. You get to see Varric mostly naked (you’re welcome), but most of all you witness Varric’s heartbreak. I felt privileged to draw it. I got so obsessed with drawing this page I did an entire watercolor painting based on the last panel [Varric gets up to leave, ‘This isn’t right’ - ? or perhaps the scene where he opens the door to leave].”

Alexander Freed: “Unreliable narrators are always tricky - done wrong, they can just confuse the reader. But I’m fairly happy with Varric’s lies throughout this series, most of which are used to downplay the emotional cost of events rather than whitewash the events themselves.”

Michael Atiyeh: “This palette worked perfectly [Varric standing in front of the doorway/portal in the Fade proper], but I can’t take all the credit because BioWare provided reference for the Fade. I added the hot orange energy for the doorway, which looks great with the sickly green sky.”

David Gaider: “This scene [Isabela’s Fade nightmare] was actually inspired by a fan named Allegra who did a cosplay as a Qunari version of Isabela. I knew I wanted something like this for Isabela’s Fade section of the comic, but it didn’t really solidify until I saw the cosplay.”

Chad Hardin: “Isabela is more affected by her encounter with Rasaan than we were led to believe. A portent of things to come?”

Michael Atiyeh: “I love this shot of Mae in the fourth panel [on the page where Isabela is affected by vines]. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention what a great character she is in the series, and Chad captures her beautifully in this shot.”

Alexander Freed: “I saw this issue as a sort of downbeat victory lap. Over the course of the previous series, our protagonists largely came to terms with the inner demons the Fade confronts them with here. The fact they’ve come so far lets them win this last battle... but they still have scars that will never completely disappear.”

David Gaider: “Maric was in the first two novels I wrote for Dragon Age. Seeing Chad’s rendering of him as a regal, grown-up version of Alistair made me incredibly nostalgic. Some characters you just never let go of.”

Alexander Freed: “I feel Varric’s lines (‘tell yourself the stories you need to tell’ but ‘never live your own lies’) are the natural endpoint of all the exchanges he’s had with Alistair, starting from the end of Chapter 1 of The Silent Grove. And of course it plays off the story of ‘Arthur’, as well.’’

Chad Hardin: “I’m happy with the way Titus came off in these pages [Titus attacking and saying ‘The last magisters of Tevinter were so close’]. He looks threatening and powerful when fighting Alistair, Isabela and Varric, but genuinely confused by his inability to defeat Maric. Bye-bye, evil Jesus.”

Alexander Freed: “I can’t help but feel for Titus. He was unthinkably corrupt, but I see him as genuinely motivated by Tevinter’s glory. (The fact Alistair reads zealous ideology as a lust for power says a lot about both characters.)”

Michael Atiyeh: “I love the seamless transition of color from Titus’ magic to the dragon breath and then back into the orange remnants of his magic in the smoke. This was a really fun panel to color [Titus saying ‘Die by what wrought you’].”

David Gaider: “‘You are not the dreamer here. I am.’ I always have a scene or a line that’s in my head when I begin a tale, and this line of Maric’s was one I wanted all the way back when I started working on The Silent Grove.”

Chad Hardin: “I love this page [Maric and Alistair clasping hands]; Mike’s colors are spot on. We get to see all our heroes in an ideal state for the last time. This is the last Dragon Age page I saved for myself.”

David Gaider: “This scene kills me [Alistair destroying the Magrallen]. I knew it needed to happen; I knew I wanted it to happen even back when I began the story. Alistair lets Maric remain in the Fade rather than dragging him back to a world which has moved on. Alistair’s ready to move on, but forcing him to give up that hope... it makes me feel like a bad person.”

Chad Hardin: “Heartbreak for Alistair as he realizes that once again, as a king, he must kill: this time, his own father (granted, the Magrallen did most of the work). I really like how Maric crumbles away in the end. This was my last page, and the emotions on the page and in my studio were very final. Altogether, this was a year of my life in the making. On my last page, I wrote a thank you to everyone involved, the crew at Dark Horse and the crew at BioWare. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank them again. It was a thrill. Finally, a huge thank-you to the Dragon Age fan community, whose support was overwhelmingly awesome.”

Michael Atiyeh: “As the story came to an end, I knew I was going to miss these characters. Writing these annotations reinforces the fact that I hope to work with this great creative team again one day. Many thanks to Dark Horse and BioWare for the opportunity to work on Dragon Age.”

Alexander Freed: “The tension between the art and the narration on this page [the one with Alistair sitting on his throne while nobles argue] is something you can only pull off in comics. Neither tells the full, bittersweet story alone. Similarly, these issues wouldn’t have been possible without everyone on the team; thanks to David, Chad, Michael, and everyone I lack space to list!”

Additional pages / art

Library Edition Volume 1 also came with some additional pages, with additional art and commentary. These are as follows (I’m including them for the sake of completion, click the links to see):

1. Alistair and dragon concepts

2. Rasaan and Maevaris concepts

3. Sten, Titus and Yavana concepts

4. A series of cover pages 1

5. A series of cover pages 2

In case anyone has trouble reading the notes that accompany these images, I’ve transcribed them below:

1. Dragon Age Sketch Book

Alistair Concept

Dragon Age / Dark Horse

Chad Hardin: “The headshot of Alistair is from a finished sketch with a rejected armor design. In order to save time, the redrawing was completed on the computer, where tweaks and changes are quick and easy, if somewhat less glorious.”

[Dragon] Head #1 / Head #2

Chad Hardin: “Everyone liked this dragon sketch so much that Dark Horse printed it for signings at conventions. You can see I did multiple proposals for the dragon’s head. It was more effective than drawing the body over and over.”

2. [arrow pointing to Mae’s sleeve] concealed [I think that’s what it says anyway] daggers / shurikens?

Chad Hardin: “When designing Rasaan and Maevaris, I wasn’t exactly sure how their roles would play out in the series. Maevaris’ outfit was inspired by brothel madams of the Wild West. I thought it would be cool to have some weapons concealed in the formal wear. These never came into play in the series, but they were there in my mind.”

3. Chad Hardin: “Although we only see Titus in his battle garb in one issue, I really liked the design of his armor. The sketch of Yavana was done on the fly and served as both a rough preliminary sketch and as a panel layout. You have to work hard and smart in comics to keep up with the deadlines.”

4. Cover Artist Anthony Palumbo: “This was my first assignment for Dark Horse, and I was both excited and nervous. I drew pencil sketches of the main characters, scanned them and played with different arrangements, poses and color schemes in Photoshop.”

5. Anthony Palumbo: “Fellow illustrator Winona Nelson helped me by sitting for photo reference. I created the mock-jewelry with gold-painted Sculpey. That’s a quick photo of my own gaping maw, to help with the image of Varric.”

#dragon age #bioware #video games #artevalentinapaz #alistair theirin #fav warden #morrigan #queen of my heart #long post #longpost

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everything-laito · 3 years

Text

Hypersexuality and Laito Sakamaki (UPDATED)

Hiya guys! Been a long ass time since I’ve made a post like this, I’ve been getting so much ask box activity + had school so I haven’t had the time to make an original post! This has been something I wanted to write for a while, and not only was I busy with school, but this one hits home hard to me personally, so I was going back and forth for a bit writing it. But I think I’m ready :)

I know there’s kind of a general consensus that anything DL related comes along with a trigger warning whether stated or not, but just a TW considering I’ll be talking about some real life experiences; not in depth or detail of course, but just mentions of it :) Not only is this a Laito analysis but it’s also an educational tool to help other people know about this!

So, without further ado, rant under the cut!

Hypersexuality is something that many sexual assault/harassment and rape survivors experience after the abuse. People associate asexuality or sexual repulsion as the only (or common) psychological affect after experiencing those situations. However, there is another affect that can happen, and it is more common than people think, and aforementioned, it’s hypersexuality. It’s basically having more sexual feeling and urges after the experience, in order to cope with the nonconsensual one. And it’s exactly what Laito experienced after Cordelia’s abuse.

I’ve also experienced something like this. I don’t believe I’ve experienced it in full swing, but definitely something like it. I haven’t been raped thankfully, but I have been sexually harassed/assaulted before a handful of times. I know I’ve briefly mentioned that in other analyses, but I’m just explicitly stating it here.

I first learned about hypersexuality this year actually, and my Laito nerd brain was like “holy shit that’s the name of what Laito is going through.” Then I was like “oh fuck I’ve gone through that a little bit too.” I thought going along with would help me “heal” myself, and it really was doing the opposite. (UPDATE: realized that what I thought was a lot of sexual trauma/hypersexuality was mostly compulsory heterosexuality (but still with those dabbled in too—quite a terrible combo) because last month I realized I’m not attracted to men! Although those experiences I mentioned did mess me up a bit, realizing this is a huge step in the right direction for my own mental well being. Just had to make this correction on my part, since the original post had more emotional investment than I would have liked it to :))

Like I have said in my little update, I realized I was going through mostly compulsory heterosexuality while also going through some minor sexual trauma/hypersexuality. Although again, I have not had it as bad as Laito has or other sexual assault survivors (which I am grateful for that), I still have a personal grasp of coping mechanisms with traumatic experiences or experiences I did not particularly enjoy. (If you are interested in learning more about compulsory heterosexuality, feel free to send me an ask! I just don’t feel that it’s appropriate to talk about it in regards to Laito or make a post about it, since it doesn’t relate to him)

And that’s probably also why I can resonate with Laito so much, at least on that scale, and even if I experienced a grain of what he’s going through. I know he’s fictional but these are definitely real experiences and real feelings.

Laito’s case is a bit different than just feeling overtly sexual. Although he’s trying to heal himself through sex and other intimate actions, he’s also doing it as a type of revenge. He doesn’t like purity, and in fact, he’s quite jealous of it. I’ve heard this is also a pretty human way of coping with this type of abuse, and it is why I love Yui as a character. She’s incredibly strong and sets an example for Laito. This makes Laito jealous yet entertained by her, and that’s also a reason why he probably keeps her around. He also attempts to use Yui as a vessel to avenge his own feelings (even not knowing about Cordelia being in her at first). I personally wasn’t like that, but given the circumstances, there’s definitely people who are. Laito’s character can be so human to me sometimes, its astonishing, despite him being a character, a vampire, and just generally does some wacky or terrible shit.

You could say his hypersexuality could also be similar to typical Pavlovian Conditioning. You’ve probably heard of the whole experiment of training (conditioning) a dog to expect food when they hear a certain sound and thus, his mouth waters. We’re conditioned by a lot of things in our lives, from triggering a “flight or fight” response from this specific ringtone or high school bell. It’s just a built in “routine” our minds utilize to process pattern recognition. I know I say this a lot, but we don’t know how vampire brains in the DL universe compare to human brains (and quite frank, I don’t think we will), so I will just do my typical human brain picking.

In Laito’s case, he was conditioned to “love” Cordelia in a fashion that was incredibly gross. No, I won’t sugar coat it. In my Cordelia/Laito analysis, I talk about how Laito was probably groomed. Grooming is another type of conditioning. Although I don’t believe his grooming was sexual, it definitely “prepares” the victim to be exploited in that fashion later on. It’s to build a false sense of trust to be betrayed. Later on, when Cordelia started having sex with Laito, he became used to it in a “conditioned” fashion. When someone said that Cordelia was calling him, he knew what it was. He also thought it’s what he wanted, even though he knew that he didn’t. I believe I have referenced his MB Dark Prologue monologue before, but not this part of it. Here’s the monologue:

――Who is it that I give my love to? Throwing myself away, I caught the sight of someone Someone I didn’t recognize, Suddenly, I realized I was looking into a mirror. The mirror reflected myself within it. I couldn’t see anything else. I am disgraceful for this greed. I was wearing a visage. What I wanted, certainly was love. It’s not that easy. Because of these words, I suffer. No matter how many times love is said, The only thing that will be important to me, Is only the physical contact and body.

I know I've said it in the Laito/Cordelia analysis, but Laito is visibly confused in his flashbacks. He’s trying to grasp what love is, but then convinces himself that love is physical contact, and not emotional connection, especially near the end. He knows he’s suffering but he is still conditioned to think like this. Same case for people who suffer from hypersexuality.

Although many people do not know why it occurs, it can be a symptom or “side effect” from disorders, medication, and the like. In the sexual trauma case, I believe a main reason is that the person utilizes sex to cope with trauma, or because they are used to sexual acts being forced upon them. That’s where conditioning still comes in. He’s treated as one of her suitors, lovers, or the like. Even as a stand-in for Richter and Karlheinz. He doesn’t consider Cordelia to be his mom until the DF Vampire ending. On top of him not receiving emotional gratification which leads to all sorts of just awful stuff for him, sexual attention is the only type that he receives until Yui comes along. He is used to not having emotional support or connections, which is why physical contact is what he is more “comfortable” with, while at the end of the day it still does not satisfy him.

It creates a positive feedback loop of him being unsatisfied, while being confused about where he’s unsatisfied in, leading to him trying to “fix” himself or avoid his own personal, emotional problems through lust and sex, but then still finding himself not “healing.” Then the cycle continues, enthusing his hyper sexual behavior even more.

I was sent some great articles from @souchiika on the DL discord (thank you so much!) and one of the articles stood out to me, since I did not talk about this type of topic on this blog yet. Here’s the link to the article, and here’s the quote that stood out to me!

Furthermore, indirect effects were also statistically significant, providing support to the hypothesis that depression and guilt would be serial mediators of trauma-hypersexual behavior relations. The paths through depression and guilt have been found to be the most significant with moderate and high indirect effects on hypersexuality. Moreover, male gender, as covariate variable, is a relevant risk factor for hypersexual behavior.

Hypersexuality is something that is still being researched like I mentioned earlier, but since these findings came out, it definitely makes sense in Laito’s case (and in general). Like I said, Laito does feel unsatisfied and even shameful of his actions, which is more apparent in the beginning of his and Cordelia’s “relationship.” In those flashbacks, he asks himself if this is what he really wants, and although he attempts to force himself to like these actions as a coping mechanism, there is still a relative degree of shame and guilt he has. It is also apparent nearing his DF Ecstacy ending when he finds out that Karlheinz foresaw Cordelia having sex with him, and even wanted it to happen. All that shame and guilt came bellowing out while he was in a fit of distress. In initial attempts to mediate this guilt and shame, he projected his feelings onto other women through sexual acts, leading to more of this hypersexual loop. I know I talk about Laito projecting a lot, but it is frequent in his character. Like I’ve always said, it’s typical “bully” power dynamic manipulation. If Laito can bring a victim of his down to his level, then he feels better about himself (but it satisfies him for only a short while, until Yui in MB+).

Also, note that this is no excuse or justification for him to rape or sexually assault others. It is merely an explanation as to why he does it (as for my posts in general, it’s not a justification, it’s an explanation).

Another reminder that rape and sexual assault isn’t about the sexual urges, but about power. That’s why anybody with any background can do it, given the circumstances.

This post was a bit hard for me to write, so I apologize if I got too overtly personal for your liking. Like I’ve said in the past, I’m not writing this to gain sympathy too, and sure that sounds superficial of me to say now (although I truly mean it), I just want to use my platform as an educational tool. Sorry about the change in my typical tone :)

Sorry if this was too much of a doozy, I really wanted to talk about it and to educate people, despite it being a bit personal. I just felt like the most effective way was to convey how real this topic is, despite this fandom knowing about it in a fictional setting.

I hope you have a great day! -Corn

#analysis #laito sakamaki #sakamaki laito #corn gets personal #sakamaki raito #raito sakamaki #diabolik lovers #dialover #dialovers #dl

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veliseraptor · 4 years

Note

top 5 Xue Yang quotes

I mean pretty much every time he opens his mouth I love it. But I guess if I had to pick single lines...I am going to put screencaps here. This is also all CQL because that’s what I’m more familiar with.

Under a read more because it got long. Surprising no one familiar with me and how this sort of thing goes. Featuring my new blog subtitle: A Whole Lotta Feelings About Xue Yang, and links to a bunch of my own older meta.

1. “You shouldn’t have gotten involved in other people’s business. Who’s right, who’s wrong? How much kindness, how many grudges. Can an outsider be clear about it? Maybe you shouldn’t have left the mountain.”

I wrote a whole meta post about this! I mean, I’ve written a whole lot of meta posts about Xue Yang generally, the amount of digital ink I’ve spilled over this character is, hm. Well.

But I just find this line fascinating for the ways in which it is, like many of the things that Xue Yang says in this scene, such a blend of emotions: anger, frustration, misery, disappointment.

There’s the “how dare you judge me” of it all, the “you’re so goddamn clueless you just don’t get it” of it, and then also the thing that I talked about in the linked meta - the “you would’ve been better served staying away from this stupid world, where you would’ve been safe and where you would’ve been safe from me.”

I have a lot of...thoughts, about the way that Xue Yang bounces back and forth between finding it hilarious that Xiao Xingchen is so nice to him while having no idea who he really is, finding it maddening that he is (he’s so stupid! how does he get away with being so stupid!), and finding it...something that he likes, and sort of wants him to keep (in a similar way, actually, to the way that I think Jin Guangyao wants Lan Xichen to keep his relative innocence).

And also the arc words/recurring sentiment of those questions of right and wrong, black and white. And the idea that that’s not a question Xue Yang has historically concerned himself with, but perhaps right now it might actually matter.

And right now he wants Xiao Xingchen to be on the same page, and at least for a half a second genuinely thought he might be.

2. “The finger is mine, while the lives are theirs.”

Obviously this is like. Peak Xue Yang line: pure solipsism, pure self-centered self-interest: my finger is mine and therefore it’s worth more than the lives of other people.

And there’s a lot to be said about that as a manifesto for Xue Yang - on one level I do think it’s just about how he thinks and perceives others: they just aren’t quite real to him, not in the way he himself is. Like, yes! They exist! Nominally they have “feelings” and “wants” or whatever, but conceptualizing that in any concrete way, or internalizing it, is...hard. It doesn’t seem quite real to him. They don’t seem quite real, not in the way that he is, himself.

And on the other hand I think there’s something about the way that Xue Yang weights his own value so heavily because he’s the only one who will. Nobody else is going to put any value on his hand or his finger. Xue Yang’s approach to life is very much “nobody’s going to give me anything, so I will get mine and fuck everyone else, if I don’t look out for me above all then it’s a short road to death.” And I think there’s elements of that here.

Or maybe a question: why should their lives be worth more than my body? Why should they be more valuable than me? And the answer, of course, is that they shouldn’t.

While I do think that Xue Yang has his insecurities and uncertainties, one thing that he refuses to doubt is that he has a right to exist and a right to get what’s his - even if that comes at the expense of others.

And I think, too, on some level he figures this is how everyone works. They probably think their fingers are worth his life. They’re wrong, obviously, and the fact that he won proves that. But they still believed it.

3. “Cultivator friend, I’ll plead guilty. But to submit to punishment...that depends if you’re able to catch me.”

Flirting is playing murder tag with a cute boy!

This is a less serious one but I love it because it is just...it’s not his intro intro (see below) but it also sort of is, in another way. And it is definitely an intro to his relationship with Xiao Xingchen, and I love it for that - for the way he shows up, perching on a house over an enormous massacre, and is just having the time of his life.

It’s so cheerfully playful, so bright, the way that he doesn’t even hesitate to be like “yes! I did kill all those people! what’re you gonna do about it :D”

(”does my gay little crime spree piss you off?”)

It sets up this dynamic between a Xiao Xingchen who is taking this all very seriously and a Xue Yang who is having a fantastic time and I just love it. New standard for your OTP meeting: if it doesn’t happen at the scene of a massacre for which one of them is responsible then what’s even the point.

4. “I don’t fear death, only boredom/living without a purpose.”

I wish!!! I knew whether this translation (”having no purpose in living” or the Netflix one (”boredom”) was more “””accurate””” - or if it doesn’t matter and the meaning is pretty close. If someone can tell me that’d be amazing. But either way - this is the moment where I was like “oh I’m screwed” when it came to adopting a new terrible character for my very own.

I have a huge glaring weak spot for characters who are very “death before boredom” about their lives - who look at their existence as sort of “here for a good time not a long time” and recognize that they’re not one for a long life but they’re going to make it one they can enjoy. That almost indifference to their own end weighed against the prospect of dullness - or, with the Viki translation, purposelessness.

And it does fit with how I think of Xue Yang as someone who sort of needs to have a drive or a goal, most of the time; who needs to be engaged and is easily bored. (This is one of the things that I think he has in common with Wei Wuxian! Sorry, buddy, you’re more alike than you’d like to acknowledge.)

But it also demands such a contrast with the fact that he does, later on, settle down into domestic relative tranquility - into something that would look, to a lot of people, and maybe even to his past self, like boredom.

And yet it doesn’t bore him.

And I just. You know. Have a lot of feelings about that.

5. “Very well. Would I be afraid of people’s disgust? However, are you qualified to feel disgusted by me?”

tfw you see your great fake life starting to go to pieces and decide you’re going to detonate your nuclear weapon in it because hey, might as well take everyone down with you, right?

I love this because it’s one of those things where it’s true and it’s not - I do not think, generally, that Xue Yang really cares about people’s disgust. He sometimes even relishes it! I mean, I think a certain kind of dehumanization sets him off, but in general - yes, I’m’s horrible, yes, I’m disgusting, yes, sure, do I care? Nope.

But it is pretty clear here, both in terms of facial expression and reactions, that Xiao Xingchen’s judgment does hit home. That his anger and dismissal of Xue Yang’s story, of his exposure of a vulnerability he doesn’t usually allow, hits pretty hard. From Xue Yang’s perspective, he’s taken a risk, and Xiao Xingchen answered it with a slap in the face. (Wrote a bunch about this here.)

And in that hurt he responds, immediately, by lashing out - by using the weapon he’s held in reserve. I’ve written before about how I think Xue Yang prior to this point was in sort of “the fierce corpses thing can stay between me and the fierce corpses now” mode about his extracurricular activities with Xiao Xingchen, but it’s still there, and he knows exactly what he’s doing here. After all, that revenge was always tailored: it was always about bringing Xiao Xingchen down to his level and proving that he’s no better, and never has been any better.

But I will never get over the look on his face over that first line, where he’s saying “would I be afraid of people’s disgust” and while the words imply no his face is definitely saying yes, at least when it’s you.

BONUSES:

Most of his conversation with Wei Wuxian but especially the bit about slowly and intimately doing experimental necromancy, but also Xue Yang inviting Song Lan in for lunch.

Come on, Song Lan! Just take the free meal! It’ll be fine.

#blackteaaddict #conversating #xue yang #the sad queer cultivators show #lise does meta #you can see why these take me so long perhaps

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cloveroctobers · 3 years

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• TALIA NASCIMENTO•

IG info/bio: @/callmetalia333 | 524k followers | Journalist | TALIA. but u may have formerly known me as user: brdf0rdsvasquiff—rip!!!1! so don’t even think about it 😌

(23) 25 going on (26) years of age

I’ve read a canon that her name is just Talia and not short for anything & I agree with that + she’s always quick to correct someone if they get it wrong too

Her hometown is Watford, England

but she was originally born in Maidenhead in the backseat of a car during a severe rainstorm

Nonetheless watford taught her all she needed to know when it came to music

She found her first love when she heard the sound of music soundtrack for the v first time as a young girl but is often nervous to admit that?

her father is Brazilian and is a firefighter

her mother is Bulgarian and works as a secretary in a elementary school

her mother is more traditional than her father when it comes to their cultures

I originally felt like she gave only child vibes but I can deff see her giving off big sis energy since she did mention she has a younger brother

V protective over her little brother

there’s a three year age difference

her parents have separated multiple times before which caused a riff in the family dynamic

The constant coming and going from her dad became quite irritating

And Talia was the most vocal by wanting them to figure it out and NOT get a divorce

Which led to talia’s commitment issues when it came to relationships herself

was born with blue eyes yet they shifted to brown once she grew

“Tom-boy” growing up & still is

netball was her sport and man was it something to see her play?! She was quick on her feet and can definitely shoot far-range with ease

Always down for contact sports too

She lost count how many bruises and scrapes she would come home with much to her mother’s horror but she would always brush it off—it was never that big of a deal to her

yet she takes time in healing her scars with homemade treatments or purchases from beauty stores when she wants to show her legs off

she didn’t get into “girly” wear until recently, she never thought too much of her body or when she started to get curves...she always hid that behind big tee’s, fitted jeans, and kicks—that’s what she was used to

she’s got broad shoulders and toned arms

had thick bushy brows that almost formed a uni brow growing up

her mother used to have her hair always plaited since she is very superstitious, believing that “the devil lives in the woman’s hair”

yet talia’s hair texture was much different than her mother’s, maybe due to the fact that her mother always had her hair up and out of the way? Talia’s hair is much bigger, heavier, and naturally curly

+ her mother used to say some harsh things in Bulgarian about her hair — that says a lot when you’re taught to hate your hair trust!!!

when she got a little older and able to manage her own hair + afford it, She learned how to love it herself and that’s all that mattered. Her hair became v important to her, it was her source of comfort

that’s the only thing she’s high maintenance about tbh

she spends a lot of money on her hair but devacurl can still piss off

diffusing is one of her fav things to do to her hair—besides washing it, and deep conditioning, after a night of letting her hair air-dry

loves rose jam

has a embroidery machine, along with a collection of her work but only one piece is showcased in her flat. She didn’t want her place to look completely like her bába’s (Bulgarian: grandmother)

her closet is filled with many Havaianas, they’re all piled up in a wicker basket and ready to tumble over on her top shelf... if she moves one of the ceramic pots her mother left in her flat for luck, that whole shelf might come crashing down

Swears drinking guaraná the next morning cures any hangover you may have

commonly sleeps in big t-shirts and panties or not or booty shorts depending on her time of the month—it’s freeing to her

Has torn her achilles due to whatever contact sport she decided to join in on during a beach vacation with her mates

has a touch of arthritis in her shoulder

this is where her love for massages came from due to injuries she’s faced

+ It’s always a good sign when you can make someone else feel better ya know?

She’s been told she’s great with her hands ;) it all takes practice

bi mami *cringe* but she likes what she likes, and feels what she feels

she kinda has a type but doesn’t want to admit that

her mother doesn’t understand this but her father easily accepted her preference/orientation

her little brother was the first she came out to, “alright!...you still suck”

always wants to fix situations WHEN it comes to HER friends but is oblivious when it’s come to her own issues whether its in relationships/friendships +

was called out by one of her friends who she often argues/butts heads with from time to time “you’re always sticking your nose in people’s business but can’t solve your own shit!”

maybe it’s the journalist in her? she’s not afraid to ask questions or look at things from a outside perspective

her group of friends are all from different ethnic backgrounds to Indian to Ethiopian

has been in and out of relationships...maybe had one stable relationship? Outside of mc but that relationship failed after a year and she feels it has something to do with her parents and how she watched their relationship unfold but won’t openly admit that

Doesn’t like to argue in relationships and often is a little undermining with how she responses to her partner’s feelings...she’s trying to be better at being understanding and listening, her mother is like this with her father

Aquarius girl + Scorpio moon + Taurus rising

loves the water + watching water sports rather than playing them since she almost drowned once by letting her confidence get the best of her

used to be a directioner and isn’t ashamed to admit that!

take me home album stan 100% bitch there’s no point in arguing!!! Buh bye!!!

She is ashamed however to admit that she used to write for them, mostly ziam fics with a touch of Harry thrown in the mix as well...take that how u will

has a few merch pieces as well, they’re mostly loungewear + that powdery perfume they dropped. YES she still has it, no she won’t sell it to u

still supports them on the low since you know, she’s a music journalist and reviewing songs is what she makes a living for so why the hell not? They will always hold a special place in her heart. She grew with those boys

she’s not in denial like Hannah that they’re get back together

If someone wants her to film a reaction vid to zayn’s new album or release a written review? She WILL. Her top 3? 1. When loves around ft Syd 2. Outside 3. Unfuckwitable

If someone wants to hear her thoughts on Harry’s mv’s + breaking down his lyrics, she’ll tell you what you NEED to know whether U agree or not she don’t give a damn lol

Can throw hands and stomp a bitch out if she needs too. Has gotten kicked out of clubs/bars for defending her friends mainly not because someone chatted shit to her, that’s whatever but once you cross her friends? It’s on

Allegra got lucky 🦶🏼☕️ and Lucy

remained super close with jake and tim as expected...Rohan’s cool too ofc! but she’s not here for their rapping shit sorry. She’ll hit them both with a quick side eye and snarl if they start or if jake wants to recite some poetry. She’s outta here

Talia hardly had issues making friends easily with the boys it was always harder with the girls :/

they hang out all the time!

she actually became close with sammi as well, which was nice to have another girl friend around even tho they weren’t together in the house long like the others. She’s spontaneous, cute, resourceful, and kind so talia had no issue reaching out to her first to see what she was about outside of the show

don’t even ask her about what she thinks of the new seasons, she’s not here to chat shit and have her words twisted like she’s watched many of the cast deal with. If you want to talk about the over kill use of pop as the soundtrack for each season, then yeah she’ll talk to you about that

doesn’t use social media much, she finds it funny how whenever she does pop back in people are begging her to post SOMETHING so that they know that she’s alive

Pretty private

she also can’t grasp why they want her to do the bussit challenge? Lmao like hey don’t get her wrong, some of them were pretty great but she’s barely got a bum to bounce and little booties matter ofc!!! but she can’t see herself doing it unless she’s drunk off her arse!!!

maybe mc can convince her...for the fans duh!!! “Give the ppl what they want! Talia! It’s not like you won’t be around music!” “I’ll think about it...nah.”

she’s been busier since the show, able to tour more and WRITE which is what she loves to do

Her secret pleasure is watching those nurse shows and firefighting shows in her free time and those singing shows you already know that’s a given

Wanted to be some form of a nurse growing up but knew she could help people in another way

*inserts* “music Is The best Medicine” overused but true quote here!!

I feel like she’s a r&b lover

listens to those hour long rain sounds on YouTube to help herself fall asleep

she‘s not the best cook but she’s a foodie and she’s down to try new food always

occasionally her and Tim are jake’s Guinea pigs when he’s whipping something up for his menu

and hates eating the same things all the time unless it’s breakfast! There’s not too much more you can do with that

that’s also her specialty, making breakfast for u in bed

Morning afters with her are intimate but humorous. She’ll poke fun if you’re both looking crazy, always joking and in the best mood whether things got physical or not she’s just happy to have you here 🥲

I think her love language is quality time

if you’re playing her route and Lucy is the ex, and you’ve decided to fully commit to each other I deff see Lucy still trying to pull some shit outside of the show just because she feels like she can but once Talia see’s that it’s really starting to get to you despite how much you try to brush it off or snap at Lucy or even Talia!!! Talia is on Lucy’s ass in seconds! She doesn’t need a ex to ruin her possible future , “you’re not gonna fuck up this good thing I’ve got just cause you’re flimsy at relationships babe, so go be a cunt somewhere else or you’ll be sorry. I promise.”

anthem: Snow Tha Product — Shut up

#litg #litg talia #litg jake #litg Tim #litg Rohan #litg mc #litg oc #litg Hannah #litg3 #litg2 #litg moodboard #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #she’s my fav along with sammi and this is my first time getting to know sammi since I’m in talias route #I’m going to try and reduce these to not making them as lengthy lol #this has also sat in my draft for about a week now #litg sammi #litg Allegra #litg Lucy

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mortallydeliciouschaos · 3 years

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Highlights of 2020

I was tagged by @maddiesup, thank you so much! I’m so glad you though of me! Quickly before it’s 00:00 where I live lol

list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)

tag at least 10 people you appreciated this year

tag 10 more people to continue the tag

Let’s do this y’all!

Top 10 shows

1. #GayaSaPelikula (Like in the movies)

Ngl, it’s one of the best shows I’ve watched this year. The struggle of coming out and ofcourse the struggle of finding yourself was beautifully displayed. Also, Gav breaking down had me in tears, I compare to him in quite some aspects so it hit close to home. The music is amazing and I listen to the playlist almost daily. BUT THE QUOTES! The ending quotes, they are one of my favourite quotes ever.

TOP 3 QUOTES:

1. Let’s make room for those who’ve lost their sense of home.

2. You are entitled to a love that lets you dance without fear or shame.

3. You own the rights to your own truth.

I can’t wait for season two!

2. Where your eyes linger

It was the first Korean BL I watched and I’m sad that the full show was only 80 min in total! To be honest I wanted to see so much more of both of them and I’ll rewatch it so many times in 2021 too, I already know. The bestfriend but also master-servant dynamic and just all of them as a cast hold my heart. I hope to see many more good bl’s from Korea in 2021!

3. Cherry Magic

I kind of finished the year with Cherry Magic! And if that wasn’t an amazing ride! The characters, the setting the fact that it wasn’t just another teenager love story but actually a bit more mature. Also seeing ‘older’ characters still struggle with insecurities and anxiety is such a refreshing thing to view. This had made me much more excited for other Japanese BL’s that are still on my watching list! ALSO Kurosawa being a cutie and just wanting Adachi to be happy and Adachi trying to get out of his comfort zone it’s just- amazing. The show was truly magical. (I’d share my watching list but it’s 100+ shows so maybe some other time y’all)

4. TharnType: 7 years of love

I love the first season of TT a lot so I was low-key counting down the days until the second season came for all of us. (as a fan I of course do see the toxic parts but that’s also for maybe another post sometime, probably not lol) But I was excited to see how they unfold the rest of the show in 2021 and I love what we’ve had so far. I mean I do get annoyed quite a few (Fiat ngl) but the sweetness (and hotness, I mean who are we kidding) from Tharn and Type I love it a lot!! I can’t wait to rewatch it a million times when it’s finally ended. Can’t wait!

5. My Engineer

As much as I started watching for Bohn and Duen, I stayed for Ram and King. Their dynamic is amazing and even though they’re not the main couple they have way more depth to their relationship that I had expected there to be. I truly fell in love with King as a person (got so obsessed that I bought a bag similar to his). Ram doesn’t deserve the struggles he has to go through. I can’t wait to see how all of their stories (not only RamKing’s) will unfold in the new year. I hope so see so much more of all of their faces and I’ll keep an eye out for their other projects in this upcoming year.

6. Strong Woman Bong Soon

Not a BL but what a show, I actually started this show in 2019 once and a few minutes in I lost all attention and couldn’t find a motivation to continue watching but when I started this year the pilot had me wanting to know what would happen and I also didn’t expect to fall face first for our one and only In Kook-Doo (Ji Soo). If you haven’t watched it yet, I hope it will come on your watch list because it only took me 2 to 3 days to finish it because it’s so good. Do not start watching it if you have more important things to do (test, deadlines, etc) cuz you might not actually finish.

7. The Prince of Tennis

I watched it earlier this year and then rewatched it at the end of the year and I still loved it so much. I tend to like sport anime’s quite a bit, and this is actually a ‘live-action’ version of an anime and I fell in love with all of it. The characters, their quirks and all of their ‘powers’ and ‘moves’, I always go quicker through the show than I think and then it’s over so quickly :( Still, if you like sports anime (free, haikyuu, etc) check it out!

8. 2gether (& Still2gether)

2gether is the epitome of fluff and even though it holds a dash of angst and a lot of amazing character development. I had a smile on my face the most of the time I was watching this show. And Still2gether was one of the best surprises for me this year, extra episodes in the same year? More of my fluffly bois? My angry-I-stab-you-boi and puppy-boi facing challenges and overcoming them? The KISSES? Yes. I don’t have much to say other than, it was good and I do hope to see more of both Win and Bright, I hope as a couple in the show ngl, soon but I’ll support them either way. I wish them so much succes and love.

9. Ingredients

Ingredients was a show I saw quite a bit of on tumblr, and we all know, if your mutuals watch it, put it on you list! So it got on my list the beginning of 2020 but I actually started watching it more towards the end and I fell in love with both of the characters and all of the support characters too, I hope to see much more cuteness from both of them and I can’t wait for other episodes. Also why are the episodes only so short? I want more of my bois :D

10. I’m Tee, Me Too

Not a BL, but I love the characters and they are THE pillars of GMMTV so I had high hopes. And my hopes were met. A great show and even though the actors didn’t play the others romantic interest you could still see the amazing dynamic all of them had together. If you want to laugh (with a dash of angst for character development) then this is such a good show for you to watch!

People I appreciated this year!

so many people, I love you all so much! (sorry if I forget you :()

@the-speediest-boi @sarawatism @negrowhat @incorrect-tharntype @kindaanartblog @leeairisu @lovelysunshine96 @zaintseeme @cu-tine @mewsuppasit

Thank you guys for making this year amazing and bringing so much joy to me <3

It’s been floating around tumblr for awhile so consider yourself tagged if either I already tagged you as a person I appreciated or if you want to fill it in anyway!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope all of you stay safe and healthy this new year! Let’s all work together so we can do much more later :) I love all of you and I hope all of your loved ones also stay safe <3

#iloveyou #y'all are the best #happy new year #tagggggg #hit me up if you want to talk about any show ;)

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mikauzoran · 4 years

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Adrienette: Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses: Kiss Eighteen

Read it on AO3: Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses: ...as encouragement.

“What did I miss?” Adrien called as he trotted up to his friends waiting at the bottom of the school’s front steps.

“Marinette’s going to win this contest Hermès is holding,” Alya announced with a smirk. “You know. No big.”

“Alya,” Marinette sighed in exasperation. “I haven’t entered yet. I haven’t even come up with a design.”

Adrien gave Nino a fist bump in greeting before turning to beam at Marinette. “Yeah, but you’re going to win once you do.”

“I don’t know about that,” Marinette mumbled, looking back down at her sketchbook.

“I do,” Alya snickered. “Listen to the boy. He knows what he’s talking about. He’s a fashion thoroughbred.”

Adrien blushed, finger going to tug at his collar. “Uh, technically, I think I’m more of a nouveau riche upstart, but I definitely know a thing or two about fashion, and you’ve got talent, Marinette. What kind of contest is it?”

“Ties,” she sighed, trying to hide how red her cheeks had become at his praise. “The artistic director for the men’s line, Véronique Nichanian, is going to be judging the finals herself, so I really want something that’s going to stand out.”

Nino gave Adrien a nudge. “Didn’t you do some modeling for Hermès a year or so ago when your father was pimping you out to other fashion houses to quote-unquote ‘expand your resume and build up the foundations of your career’?”

Adrien sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Yeah. That happened.”

“Well, hook a girl up,” Alya chuckled, giving Adrien a teasing shove. “Not that I don’t think Marinette can win on her own merits, but having an edge never hurt anyone. What kind of insider knowledge do you have?”

“Nothing really,” Adrien admitted shamefacedly. “I wish I could be more helpful, but the only piece of advice I can think of is to do a fun, quirky pattern, but camouflage it so that it doesn’t look tacky. Like, Hermès does have some silly patterns. For example, there’s this one with horses and jockeys up in the clouds, and then on the reverse side it has the horses and jockeys with parachutes.”

Nino cracked up. “Seriously? And let me guess…they want, like, two hundred euros for it, yeah?”

Adrien shrugged helplessly. “It’s hand-sewn silk?”

Nino shook his head sadly. “Mec…no. Two hundred euros for a silly tie? That’s criminal.”

“Okay,” Adrien admitted. “That one’s a little…less sleek, in my opinion, but then they have this one tie I actually really like.”

“Also probably for two hundred euros,” Nino chuckled, elbowing his best friend playfully.

“It’s got a bunch of little blue fish on it,” Adrien explained, giving Nino a light shove. “From afar, it just looks like a normal tie with a small geometric pattern repeating, but when you get up close, you can tell that they’re fish, and it’s kind of funny. It looks professional at a distance, but up close it’s a quirky tie. I think that’s the kind of design the judges will be looking for.”

Marinette, who had been hanging on Adrien’s every word, nodded, making mental notes.

As if coming to an important realization, Adrien gave a start and hurriedly added, “Only if that’s what you’re inspired to do. I don’t want you thinking you have to limit yourself based on what I said. I don’t really know what I’m talking about, and you have such a sharp instinct for this kind of thing, so…just do whatever you think is best.”

“No, I really appreciate your input,” Marinette assured, stepping in across the little circle their group had formed to rest a hand on his forearm. “In the end, I’ll go with my gut, but what you said gave me some ideas, so I think I’m off in the right direction. Do you think there’s anything I should avoid doing? Any colours or patterns or subjects?”

Adrien bit his lip as he considered briefly. “A lot of their products have the H logo all over them. I think they’ve done the H in all the ways it’s possible to turn an H into a design element. I know you’re super innovative, but I think that, since it’s their signature thing, they’ve probably seen pretty much everything and have higher standards for what they want in that kind of design, so it might be really hit or miss. I’m not saying to play it safe, but maybe save tackling a new take on one of the signature elements of their branding for later.”

“Noted,” Marinette affirmed.

“Also, maybe avoid horses,” Adrien added with a grimace. “It’s another one of their things. I’m sure plenty of other people do horses, so if you do horses, you might not stand out unless your design is over and above amazing—which I’m sure it will be anyway, but—and, besides, they already have a lot of merchandise with horses on it, so I don’t know that that’s what they’d be looking for.”

“Why horses?” Nino couldn’t help but wonder aloud…though, he wasn’t sure he actually wanted to know.

“If I remember correctly, the company founder originally made luxury leather goods like saddles and stuff for English nobles for horseback riding. So, yeah. Lots of horses,” Adrien explained with a smile and a shrug.

Nino frowned. “I mean…I guess that’s legit.”

“So, do you have any ideas now?” Alya excitedly inquired of Marinette…who didn’t respond because she was already absorbed in her sketchpad, quickly drafting the beginnings of a handful of possible designs.

The squad watched in awed silence as Marinette’s pencil moved frenetically across the page.

Less than five minutes later, she had three rough sketches and half a dozen other fledgling ideas in the works.

“What do you think?” She flipped the sketchbook so that the others could see the page with her quick sketches and notes on colour.

Adrien’s eyes went wide as he observed that the designs were all Chat Noir-inspired.

The first featured green paw prints on a black ground, spaced close together and turned around anticlockwise on their axis so as to give the impression of cohesive dynamism.

The second was black cat heads on a rose-pink background that had the same effect as Adrien’s fish tie. From a distance, it would look like a respectable, grownup tie, but up close you could see the fun in the design.

The third had miniature Chat Noir batons arranged in staggered, downward diagonal lines that, again, looked like a normal tie design from farther away.

“That’s amazing,” Adrien breathed, looking up at Marinette as she stowed the sketchbook back in her satchel. “Did you seriously just come up with all these right now, in, like, five minutes?”

Marinette smiled shyly, tucking a bang behind her ear as she shrugged. “What can I say? You really inspired me.”

A surge of joy and pride and love welled up in his chest.

His girlfriend was the most talented, incredible woman, and he wanted to put her up on a pedestal so that everyone could see how awesome she was. And yet, she was so humble about her gift and her achievements, going so far as to pretend that he had anything to do with her genius.

He took her by the hands and watched as her eyes went wide, locking with his.

“You are so amazing, Princess,” he cooed, overwhelmed by her greatness and the miracle that a girl so out of his league could be interested in him. “You’re going to win this contest. I know you are. Do you even know how epic you are?”

She opened her mouth to reply but was cut off as Adrien leaned in, catching her lips in a short, sweet, bolstering kiss.

Marinette froze as her brain tried to reboot.

Alya gasped even as she mentally lamented the fact that she hadn’t been recording this momentous occasion.

Nino cursed under his breath, preparing to build his bro back up after Adrien inevitably got shot down.

“I am so proud of you,” Adrien continued obliviously as he pulled out of the kiss. “You’re going to have your own label before you graduate.”

“Adrien!” Marinette hissed as her system came back online, pulling back and turning away.

Adrien blinked, shrinking slightly at her sharp tone. “What? I think it’s true.”

“Adrien, you can’t kiss me like that,” she groaned.

“…Oh, crap,” he breathed, covering his face with his hands. “I did it again. I am so sorry, Marinette. I don’t—”

“—Back up,” Alya interrupted. “‘Again’? As in, this has happened before?”

“Al,” Nino growled warningly.

Alya didn’t seem to hear him. “How many times have you guys kissed behind my back?”

“Three now?” Adrien mumbled miserably.

“Alya, this is serious,” Marinette chided. “I have a boyfriend—a serious boyfriend.”

Alya rolled her eyes. “Who I’ve never met and don’t even know the name of. Girl, you may have given up on Adrienette, but I haven’t. If my ship is sailing, I deserve to know.”

“Alya,” Nino snapped even as he put one arm around Adrien’s shoulders and rested the other hand on Adrien’s forearm. “Situational awareness much?”

To Adrien, he directed a soft, comforting, “Hey, it’s okay, Mec. It’s going to be okay.”

“This is kind of a big deal,” Alya huffed. “My bestie could easily have the man of her dreams, but, instead, she’s insisting on pretending to have some fake boyfriend she made up because she’s afraid to accept happiness and the good things the universe has sent to her. Clearly, an intervention is necessary for the good of both of our best friends.”

“He’s not fake!” Marinette retorted vehemently. “I told you, I met him online. We game together, and I only know his username, but he’s a real guy, and we’re really dating, so I can’t be making out with other blondes behind his back.”

“The good of our best friends?” Nino snorted crossly. “Right now, I think the best thing for our best friends is to keep them from getting akumatized.”

“I am so sorry,” Adrien repeated powerlessly, unsure of what else he even could say.

Nino gave him a squeeze. “It’s okay, Mec. Why don’t we head down by the river and try to calm down, yeah?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Marinette huffed, making a break for it and striding off towards the bakery. “I’m going home.”

“Marinette!” Alya called and started to chase after her.

Nino sighed, briefly watching them go before getting back on task.

“Come on, Adrien,” he gently coaxed, leading Adrien down onto the walkway along the river.

They found an empty bench and sank onto it, Adrien snuggling up against Nino’s side and dropping his head onto Nino’s shoulder while Nino wrapped an arm around his friend and gave another supportive squeeze.

“It’s okay,” he repeated like a mantra, keeping an eye out for purple butterflies. “It’s okay.”

“I think I just ruined things with the person I’m desperately in love with,” Adrien responded blandly. “I don’t think it’s okay.”

Nino was silent, contemplating for a moment before he amended, “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to make this okay for you, all right? Marinette’s still going to be friends with you, and everything’s going to be fine, yeah?”

Adrien didn’t have the energy to engage in optimism. “I royally screwed up, Nino.”

“Yeah, but what you did wasn’t unforgivable,” Nino tried to comfort. “Things can be patched up. You’ll see. Just hang in there for me right now, okay? Try to think happy thoughts.”

Adrien managed an affirmative grunt.

And then his phone chimed with an incoming text.

There on the screen was a short message that restored his strength.

Marinette had written: “I’m not mad at you. <3 Everything’s fine between us.”

Adrien tipped the screen so that Nino could see and then smiled up giddily at his friend.

“There you go,” Nino chuckled. “Everything’s fine.”

Adrien sighed, sinking back into Nino. “No, it’s not. Wanna hear a secret?”

Nino shrugged. “Sure.”

“I’m Marinette’s boyfriend.”

It felt really good to finally get it out into the air.

Nino took a deep breath, schooling his expression into a cautious neutral before responding. “…The one she plays online games with?”

“Yep. She doesn’t know it’s me, and you can’t tell her. She has her reasons, but she won’t let me reveal my identity to her, so…I keep accidentally kissing her because she’s my girlfriend, but she doesn’t know she’s my girlfriend, so…we end up having scenes like the one you just witnessed,” Adrien wearily informed.

“…Dude,” Nino replied poignantly.

“Yeah,” Adrien sighed.

“You have to tell her,” Nino insisted. “No joke.”

“Yeah,” Adrien repeated. “It’s complicated. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Nino pursed his lips, trying to process. He wanted to tell Adrien that nothing too bad had happened when Nino and Alya found out about Rena Rouge and Carapace’s secret identities. (In fact, Alya had seen through Carapace right away, so…) And nothing bad had come of Nino being ninety-nine-point-nine-repeating percent sure that Adrien was Chat Noir, so…

Nino took a deep breath and let it out, giving Adrien’s hair a distracted tussle. “Well…if…when you do want to talk about it, I’ll be here. You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Anything.”

“Yeah,” Adrien breathed, snuggling in closer, resting his head under Nino’s chin. “Yeah, I know. I want to, and I know I can trust you with anything, but…I can’t talk about it right now.”

“Okay,” Nino agreed, letting his chin rest on top of Adrien’s head. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” Adrien hummed, closing his eyes and letting himself relax.

#Adrinette #Adrienette #Marichat #Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Chat Noir #Nino Lahiffe #Alya Césaire #Kissing #Writing Prompt #Mikau's Writings #Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses

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lligkv · 3 years

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a starting point, not the sum total

The magazine Harper’s recently published a feature in which a bunch of writers talk about “life after Trump.” They cover various topics: reality, tabloids, movies, relationships, manners, imagination, gold, conversation, punctuation, apologies, golf, literature, and Trump himself. Some of the writers are covering their usual beats: “literature” is covered by the book critic Christian Lorentzen, “movies” by film critic A. S. Hamrah. And some writers cover topics that I know from Twitter they’re already interested in: I’ve seen a number of tweets from Jane Hu, for instance, with quotes on Adorno’s thoughts on punctuation, which also opens her Harper’s piece. Other writers speak to subjects that seem more random, like Liane Carlson’s examination of the decline of the public apology that we saw so often in the early 21st century (with Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner, and their like) or Yinka Elujoba on gold: the color, the substance, why it appeals to a certain brand of aristocrat in a certain type of declining empire.

A few of the pieces are inane—showing what can happen when you assemble a piece by giving a bunch of writers a topic to just do whatever they want; different people take mandates differently, and they won’t always be deep—they won’t always be hits. For instance, there’s not much to “Golf” by David Owen. Basically: golf was staid and boring when he first took it up in the early 90s, then it became kind of cool with Tiger Woods’s fame in the late 90s, or at least something people knew about and many people watched, and then all that was undone by Trump’s love of golf the last four years. And that’s well and good, but who cares. Ultimately, Owen’s contribution registers as a marginal blip in the midst of more robust discussions.

But the most inane entry might be Eileen Myles’s contribution to the feature. It’s ostensibly about “relationships.” What it’s actually about is Myles’s feelings. We’ve established before how much I’ve come to distrust writing about how we feel about major developments in politics or about disasters like climate change, rather than the developments and disasters themselves. And at least Elisa Gabbert’s The Unreality of Memory is a genuine attempt to explore something, even if there are moments when the essays in it drift into ponderousness or sentimentality. In fact, I’ve come to feel less harshly about Gabbert’s book as I’ve thought about the pandemic the last few weeks—how unreal a number like 400,000 deaths feels to me, and how I struggle to know whether this is a natural response. Is a pandemic, with its enormous scale of death, a hyperobject, a phenomenon so vast it can’t really be countenanced by a single human mind? Do large-scale tragedies ever feel real and not abstract to those living through them, when they’re this diffuse? Or is this flatness I feel unique, a sign of some special psychic damage in those of us who are alive today, from social media or the ubiquity of news in the times we live in? I’m more willing to grant that this, how to countenance disaster, is Gabbert’s question; she certainly engages it thoughtfully.

Myles is not thoughtful. It’s striking to read their contribution after you read, say, Hamrah’s brief, potent account of the streaming services’ ascendance in the COVID era, now that we’re all stuck at home and at the mercy of whatever pricing schemes the streaming giants want to set for the movies they release if we want any (legal) entertainment, and how this reflects similar moves last century by studios to force theaters and theater-goers to pay for shit movies as well as better ones. Or Mike Jaccarino’s recent history of tabloids: how Trump depended on them to inflate his image in the 90s and aughts, and how the dynamic reversed over the course of his presidential race and term, with the task of tracking changes in Trump’s image now sustaining them—revealing again the inversion of structures like the media over the course of neoliberalism’s evolution and aftermath. Myles’s piece, so focused on them and how they felt about Joe Biden winning the presidency in 2020, is just so narrow by comparison. Even Charles Yu’s account of the damaging effect the Trump presidency has had on (consensus) “reality” is more interesting. It’s flawed, to my eye, because it so often presents what Trump supporters or QAnoners believe as merely an inferior narrative, a fiction they’ve subscribed to at least somewhat consciously and don’t want disturbed, as though they were all ostriches sticking their heads in the sand rather than people inhabiting the same physical space as Yu himself. And you’re never going to succeed at changing someone’s mind if you’re just convinced they’ve subscribed to a false and inferior narrative—because, as Lauren Oyler notes in her contribution to “Life After Trump,” differences in opinion often come down to different interpretations of the same facts. But even Yu’s contribution is interesting, because it’s not just Yu talking about himself as though his own experience is ours.

Myles’s piece, on the other hand, is just “I, I, I, I, I.” “I was crossing lower Broadway to look at a show,” they write: “I’m a fan…of the work of the artist named Sky Hopinka,” “I had allowed that monster”—Trump—“into my body,” “I went inside the gallery,” “I could hear [the spoken parts of the Hopinka exhibition] pretty well,” “I was in Texas during the earliest parts of COVID and I stayed there for a while and I was keenly aware that this was the first true crisis I had missed in New York”—and on it goes.

And Myles is so irritatingly convinced that their “I” is heroic, or part of a heroic “we,” standing in opposition to Trumpists and to the people in Chelsea, bourgeois and apolitical, who aren’t happy when they see a friend of Myles’s, Joe, pumping up the crowd at the election celebration:

He put his Biden-Harris T-shirt on which was brilliant. Everyone cheers when they see him. He’s like a sign. He starts acting like a sign, saying yay to everyone. Women always say yay, some couples won’t. Or they say a little. Not everyone in Chelsea is happy. They’re doing their Chelsea thing. Shopping, getting some food. This is a disruption. It’s like they didn’t even know there was an election.

I’m not on the side of the Chelsea shoppers here. I’m not on the side of anyone who’s indifferent to their environment, or who sniffs at a public display of any kind of emotion, enforcing some arbitrary idea of seemliness. But how radical is an election, really? How much does this one ultimately change? It’s a minor fluctuation in a long interregnum. I see these lines of Myles’s and I think, If you were really radical, you’d know that. You’d know that, and you wouldn’t devote this piece that professes to be about relationships to celebrating yourself and your milieu as though it speaks for the Chelsea shoppers’ or for mine. You’d think about the world you were in. The whole world, not just your part of it.

Some of the frustration of reading “Relationships” in the larger context of “Life After Trump” is the frustration of watching someone practice a mode that’s been outmoded as though it were still revolutionary. It’s part of Myles’s project as a poet to write from their own perspective. And it was likely groundbreaking or at least interesting when they first began writing: a way to speak to the experience and subjectivity of artists and creatives in late 20th-century America and make that real to those who did not know that world. Or a way to speak to those who wanted to join that world. It’s a poor mode now, in this time. Artists have long been integrated into the mainstream and the market—they’re no longer a vanguard. They’re not even people whom the mass media organs of the culture consciously turn to for a reflection of what life looks like now and what it could look like in the future. (Here, I’m thinking Sontag, Mailer, Dwight Macdonald, whoever—a small and biased set of examples, but the ones that come to mind.) The work of artists now feels like just another kind of content you might prefer to consume, just another piece of fodder for an identity (say, “literary person”) that you can espouse—and the presence of even critical artists and creatives is a marginal one that you, again as an individual consumer, can pay attention to if you like or just as easily ignore.

What’s more, in a time marked by widespread use of social media, everyone’s a poet of Myles’s type today. Everyone’s a relentless “I,” broadcasting their feelings and impressions of situations and history, talking about what everything and anything that happens feels like for them and what it means for them. I’m doing it right now! And I read magazines like Harper’s and Bookforum and the London Review of Books and more for a break from that mode—or a practice of it in which the “I” is a starting point, not the sum total. That is, when it comes to writing about the culture, I’m looking for writing that goes beyond the “I” to say something genuine about the world we’re in. Something that helps me understand that world better and then to change it.

#harper's magazine #eileen myles #a. s. hamrah #christian lorentzen #jane hu #charles yu #lauren oyler #elisa gabbert

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polandspringz · 4 years

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Director’s Cut of My Fic “I’d Rather Be Dry” Part 2 (Chapter 3)

Chapter 3 was probably the most painful chapter of a fic I’ve ever had to write, and not because I was sad writing the sad scenes. No, this fic was physically painful to write because it took 3 days and I was struggling to sit down and write it the entire time because even though I had the whole thing planned out, I just felt like I was dragging through it and eventually had to change some things to speed it up a bit. Still, it ended up being the longest chapter because I had to tie up so many loose ends! Luckily for me, my beta-reader @primal-shitposts read it through for me again, so I didn’t have to suffer again!!! If you want to support not only me but my beta-reader who makes sure my fic lacks grammar errors (and also gives you this great commentary on these types of posts), please go to their art blog @primal-interstellar and give their artwork some love!!! They deserve it after slogging through this mess of a fic for a game they don’t even play.

Since there are a lot of funny quotes from this proof-read, I’ll post them all under read more. Beta-reader (Primal) is in pink. If you see blue text, that’s me typing stuff in frantically before she skipped to the next line:

I actually originally wrote the opening scene with Satan in a lot more detail. It dropped us in the present where he was in the office, and Diavolo and everyone was just looking on as he slowly ran out of energy. But, I got about 3 pages in and realized it was dragging and so I cut it and swapped it for a flashback on the walk home.

While I intended for this to be a much more dramatic anime scene of Satan just silent as he ran out of steam and could barely move his arms save for slapping the guy, I love this interpretation.

I CAN’T EXPLAIN WHY BUT THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST COMMENT IN THE DOCUMENT. NOTHING TOPPED THIS. I DON’T UNDERSTAND BUT IT’S SO OUT OF LEFT FIELD IT HAD ME DYING

Primal knows about Lucifer birthing Satan because the moment I started playing the game I made her watch a crack video with me that mentioned it. Although I know she likes Leviathan cause sea monsters, I’m convinced Satan might be one of her favorites. On a side note, writing dialogue for Satan is very hard because he is very proper but when he snaps, I always feel unsure of whether it sounds believable or just like a string of curses that a twelve year old would think sounds cool. 😎 I do like the father/son dynamic Lucifer and Satan hint at though (and from what I hear the new lessons might be adding on to that? oWO)

I honestly don’t know how the demons who attacked MC aren’t dead yet. They’re basically disfigured and then Satan just doubled the damage and then tripled it in the council room this chapter. Somehow they’re not dead though! I wonder what MC will have to say about their punishment...

QUICK, SOMEONE DRAW SATAN WITH THE CRAFTING TABLE STARING AT THE DOOR WHILE THE EQUATIONS FLY BY HIS HEAD

I did choose the “yes” option when Beel asked to eat me in the animal event. It was not because of vore though, but I do make many vore jokes. I could imagine MC being forced to explain vore to Lucifer (or all the brothers) after making a joke and them being confused. Writing Beel’s breakdown this chapter wasn’t initially planned, and it was sort of what really started to make writing this fic slow down because as you might notice throughout the fic, I suddenly felt the need to give every brother an equal amount of screen time which sort of led to me RUNNING OUT OF VERBS for how to make each breakdown unique.

Okay, so the next part. I was actively seeing the comments as they popped up, but there was a delay with the comment box on the side appearing before the actual comments in the text. So, I saw this:

And had two seconds to go “Oh no” before this was added:

From here on it was chaos.

Listen, the boys are idiots. They’re all concerned, Mammon just doesn’t want MC to get upset again. In reality, this sort of dialogue stemmed more from me still lingering on the original idea of the fic. The original concept of this fic (when it was just a one-shot) was MC still getting attacked by a demon in the locker-room showers (for their soul) but because I was originally thinking about a female reader, I knew that it could have more of an undertone for sexual assault. I actually first discussed the fic idea with Primal months back when I first got into Obey Me, because I wanted to write a snippet of each brother helping MC after the event (it wasn’t going to be extreme, I was thinking more accidental scratches during the scuffle closer to the chest and such and maybe the assailants having more dialogue demeaning MC for being around the 7 brothers all the time) but I realized I didn’t have much experience with that and it would make writing scenes that I thought about (such as Asmo wanting to give MC a bath as aftercare) difficult as I could see someone after an attack like that not wanting to be in a bathroom with someone else or be vulnerable to them. I ended up playing with that idea in my previous Mammon fic with more different comfort aspects and touching on that kind of assault briefly, so this fic ended up just being focused on the brothers’ being upset over what happened to MC.

As much as writing Satan’s angry dialogue is a pain, I have fun making him talk with a more formal tone, it’s closer to how I normally talk, and prefer to write my characters talking. I have no problem writing contractions or more casual speech, but for one of my fantasy stories, where I’m writing in English but trying to differentiate different languages through italics or just whether they use certain contractions or not, I tend to really stress the characters that use absolutely zero and more complicated synonyms.

I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS IF MC JUST ASKED FOR SOUP OUT OF THE BLUE I’M IMAGINING ASMO BEING LIKE “BITCH I TOOK ALL THIS TIME DEBATING OVER HOT OR COLD TEA AND NOW YOU’RE SAYING YOU’RE FINE WITH HOT SOUP???”

I know the shower idea may have been really corny or cringey. I know a lot of people write things like the water in Devildom as being much hotter (cause their near hell and their demons! It makes sense, also I think Asmo might have mentioned in a text chat he would make the water cooler for MC? But I could be wrong) but I imagine their is some demons who aren’t powerful enough to handle a lot of the settings. Of course though, our demon bros are 7 of the highest demons in Devildom, so they’re immune.

*Slaps this comment* Congrats, Primal. You just summarized the entire chapter.

I find Leviachan to be such a funny nickname, mainly because writing any dialogue for Levi makes me cringe because while I was a VERY big weeaboo in elementary and middle school, I was so lucky I never hit his stage of acting like an otaku. While it’s charming, having to type him in more modern fic is even more painful because it’s like “oh god he actually goes into the real world and talks like this). Sidenote, I always mispronounce Levi’s name when I’m talking about him, mainly because I have to remember so many anime characters where their name is pronounced Lee-Vai or I just think of the brand of jeans (fashion major brain). So, whenever I’m talking out loud about him to someone, I have to stop and be like, “Levi... Leviachan...Leviathan...” because that “a” sound corrects my brain to how it’s supposed to be.

*throws confetti again* Believe I felt the pain of this fic dragging through every boy going back on their character development I had given them but I felt it was only fair that each of them got time with MC. As the tag on archive says, “everybody gets time to shine with MC”. (I really just want to write Barbatos’ scene for chapter 4 though)

This scene was hard to write because I wanted Levi to get closure on the scene with MC, but I couldn’t have him straight up kabedon them because then he would be cornering them and I thought that would be too much like what MC went through in the shower. Although I didn’t write anyone in explicitly summarizing what happened to MC, and Levi saw the least of it, I think he’s seen enough series depicting it to know that cornering them would be bad, but he still wants to show that he loves them and cares about them. Also, when I was writing this, I remember just going through a counter of who got the most smooches in chapter 3. Originally only Mammon was going to get 2, putting him in the lead above everyone who got 1, but then I felt back for giving Levi the least screen time and just gave him 3.

Honestly, chapter 3 really took a turn for a more intimate chapter??? Especially with Asmo’s one-on-one scene with MC, it was all downhill from there. I have noticed with quarantine, my writing has become more focused on touch (if you read any of my Balance:Unlimited fics or even my Mammon fic, you would definitely die if you tried to do a drinking game with the number of times someone TOUCHES the other gently). It’s just an unfortunate projection issue that comes with writing.

And here is complete chaos. I had blocked this game from my memory and then I was forced to remember it right here.

Removing these meme images from the fic text will be tedious, and painful. But, I am preserving them here. (I type up these directors’ cuts before publishing the final version of the fic, so I don’t lose the comments)

I’m not even at lesson 16 yet, but based on all the spoilers I read, watched, and scene for research purposes, I’m pretty sure it was more of a-

This is what writing 11k+ words for one chapter worth it. The final read through I get to enjoy things like this.

I wish Belphie was 7′2″. 😳 I like Beel but Belphie is one of my favs. Ironically enough he was the one who skipped this fic. (I’ll make it up to you one day, Belphie fans.... will we ever know what they talked about and what made Belphie cry? Personally, I think it’s like the iceberg effect Hemingway talked about, and says more under the surface... it’s totally not because I got burned out, lolololol.... 🤭)

I WAS ACCIDENTALLY FEEDING DIALUCI STANS but again, if you’ve read my Mammon fic, you probably know my true thoughts on Diavolo and Lucifer’s relationship. This fic is so MC focused, I wasn’t intending to write it in so much, Diavolo was just supposed to order Lucifer to go home, that’s it. But, I got rejuvenated when I hit Lucifer’s scene, because I knew it was the homestretch for the chapter! I really played up a Hamilton reference accidentally, having the “Go home” line repeated, because it just felt like the vibe the scene was getting at. I am hoping to explore Diavolo and Lucifer’s relationship more in my modern au fic, Siberia.

I hate tumblr because if I attach a link in the initial post, this won’t appear in the tag, but Primal’s comment here made me think of this art I saw of Lucifer and Satan the other day by ObsessiveAlice (I don’t want to tag them because they’ll be so confused by this long unrelated post! But I’ll put the link to their art in the notes/replies on this post, so check them out!!!)

I know it wasn’t the most romantic kiss but again I WAS RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO MAKE THE BROTHERS HAVE UNIQUE SCENES SO I GOT DESPERATE.

And that’s the end!!! Again, if you liked the fic, more than giving me a like or reblog, please go check out Primal’s wonderful artwork @primal-interstellar !!! She does a lot of great oc work and it needs more recognition!!! Almost all of my fics would never get posted without her help, so please, please, please show her support! (She has an animatic she just made which I will also link in the replies!!! Please give that love too!!!)

Anyway, if you made it to the end, I don’t know if you got a laugh out of this, but I hope you enjoyed the fic commentary somewhat! I was going to post chapter 3+4 at the same time like I did the prior chapters, but chapter 3 took so long I had to just lay on my floor for 3 hours earlier today to take a break from it, lol. Luckily, I’m very excited for chapter 4, so it shouldn’t take as long!!!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me masters #writing #my writing #fanfic #fic #obey me fic #directors cut

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curioussubjects · 4 years

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come be a season 12 truther, baby, with me

In honor of tonight’s Berens/Glynn episode (!!!!), I’d like to take y’all on a magical journey in which I share why I think Dean and Cas got together in season 12.

Keep in mind that this post takes for granted that Dean and Cas are in love with each other and that their relationship has been increasingly coded as romantic with each passing season. Consequently, what this post does is point out some key moments in their relationship and argue why they don't get together before 12. I'll also go briefly over 13 and 14 for reasons I'll explain later in the post. First, though, let me go over seasons 4 through 11, with some pit stops along the way:

Seasons 4 & 5: this isn’t the destiel you are looking for. the ust is delicious, yes, and i, too, got sucked in posthaste immediately groped by an angel lj community style. At this point Cas is still too alien for anything beyond the development we see on screen happen. HOWEVER, season 5 is the first time we get to see Cas being human (The End) and Cas being less connected to heaven and how that affects his behavior. This will matter.

Seasons 6 & 7: the pining omg the pining. The notable things I want to point out with these seasons is a. this is the beginning of Cas doing things to spare Dean and it not ending well (Cas dies #1, soulless!Sam); b. Dean is v. sad; and c. we also start noticing the emotional toll of Cas’s divided loyalties and how human he has actually become since s4. Hurty feels all around.

Season 8: purgaytory babes aw yeah! Still lots of terrible awful pining. This is a turning point with the addition of the bunker as tfw hq: we have a home in play now, a static emotional center. Cas is still off doing his own thing, Dean still wishes Cas would just let him (+ Sam) help out. Cas going off on his own leads to disaster #2 (Angels fall, Cas loses his Grace). For all deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much of a gap between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 & slaughtering angels & leviathan. On the other hand, we do see Dean being more emotionally open, but to no avail. Bad timing. This is a trend. [oop also worth noting we get Dean being kinda done with the one night stand thing because always with the adios and ahem also hint hint Cas refusing to stay put]

Seasons 9 & 10: aka Dean and Cas make bad decisions, but mostly Dean. The biggest turning point here is Cas being human for an extended period of time. There is still plenty of spec over the effects of being human on Cas’s Grace and his Soul. What we can say for sure, though, is that Cas is much more human once he becomes an angel again. In contrast to s8, s9 sees Cas being vulnerable and Dean pushing him away (first because of Gadreel, which he didn’t want to do really and that’s even sadder kdjfgksdfj & later because he was pushing everyone away due to the mark).

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait: there’s been so much amazing fic and spec about this episode with its fanfiction gap, but I can’t see a deancas get together here, folks. I know, it’s terrible. The lying from Dean and the hurt from Cas, imo, make the distance between them quite insurmountable at this point. While the episode is amazing (Bobo’s debut, too! So ♥) and has some notorious subtext throughout, I just can’t see the character bridging that gap into anything physical, much less emotional. Nevertheless, this episode does show perhaps the first intentional romantic tableaux with Dean and Cas, and that’s not nothing.

10.16 Paint it Black: from the point Dean gets the mark of cain until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible. But one of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. For one, it’s a rare bit of emotional honesty from Dean and for two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the thing between them, it’s still uncharted waters. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6. Anyway, he’s the full confession, so we can put a pin on it:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. [...] Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. [...] Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more, which all culminates in season 11, so...

Season 11: The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Luci (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems and by the end of the season we’re getting a clean slate. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. What this season does that is also super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible.

11.04 Baby: Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? The convo between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development in on of the things Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more? DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

Compare this exchange with what we get from 11.11 and 11.19:

11.11 Into the Mystic: I’m bringing this episode as a crossreference to 10.16 and to show again that for all the closeness between Dean and Cas there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin'...If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else. [...] Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters: Continuing our trek regarding Dean wanting certain things we have this gift of an episode with Jesse and Cesar, and this exchange:

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13.

Alright, now having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point in retrospect, after getting smacked by the domesticity of 13 and 14. Under the cut because I can’t shut up, and things are long enough as is.

Season 12: Finally, the promise land, y’all. So, what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. Important to keep in mind that until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala.

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim).

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You): Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it.

Offscreen happenings: Mixtape, how Cas knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow. This is hella suspicious.

12.19 The Future: This episode changes everything, y’all (bobo and meredith, folks, bobo and meredith ksjdhfakjshlfksd). Consider watching this episode again and pay attention to some weird things: 1. Dean’s reaction to Cas going awol. Compare it to Sam’s, who is like whoa Dean chill. Now, thought experiment, imagine something happened between Dean and Cas, and then just radio silence from Cas. Imagine how Dean would react with getting ghosted by Cas specifically after something happened between them. 2. Cas comes back to the bunker with the specific goal of stealing the Colt, which he already knew was under Dean’s pillow -- something Sam didn’t even know. 3. “He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But Cas clearly knew where the Colt was already, which means something happened before Cas came back to the bunker. Cas played Dean in seeming to have reconsidered not working with Sam and Dean wrt Kelly. This is still a point of drama, but it leads somewhere else (see s13 & s15). 4. WHEN DID DEAN GIVE CAS THAT MIXTAPE OMG 5. Dean and Cas’s brief convo in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together -- because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth.

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him -- Dean is clearly shook by it -- Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) -- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow -- ???? -- Cas goes awol -- Dean acts like he got ghosted by his partner.

Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But ymmv, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication.

Ok, maybe the narrative is still too subtle (?????), but as I said before, looking at 12 with the knowledge of 13 and 14 does offer a new perspective because of the difference in dynamic between Dean and Cas. I know lots of people look at 14, mainly, as having dialed back on the destiel side of things, but I always thought that was a strange take. Largely because they’re so domestic and their dynamic, ie, the lack of tension, reads like an established relationship. It’s a different kind of beast than we have been used to so far, so it does look alien on screen, especially since we “skipped” the conventional getting together cue that would let us change gears. Let’s take a look at 13 and 14, then.

Season 13: Ah, yes, the season of shit gets domestic. The pining? Gone? What? Deancas now reading like an established couple? It’s more likely than you think.

13.1-13.5: Dean’s grief mini-arc. Dude’s acting like a widower. We all know this. I want to gesture towards the reunion moment though with “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying.

13.6 Tombstone: hi this episode is pure love and Dean is so happy his sweetheart is back from the dead? He’s even ok being Jack’s third dad now? What a time to be alive. Also? apparently Dean and Cas were just having movie night together? Dates? Mutual Pining dates prior to shit going to hell in 12? Do you ever cry? What else are they getting up to offscreen? What else will they get up to off screen? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT.

Season 14: MORE DOMESTICITY. With some pining because Michael. But...heart eyes when Dean comes back? Watch that scene again with Dean going off to shower. Suspicious. But then shit hits the fan and we’re all sad again. boo.

14.15 Peace of Mind: Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t coupley asf.

14.18-14.20: Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established issue between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here; he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? Divorce arc was entirely too literal.

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will they or won’t they because they already have. The tension is instead will they or won’t they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. There’s a crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned TWELVE FRIGGIN’ EPISODES. Y’all. Y’all that’s half a season. And we’re not even entirely done with it yet because Dean was cut short in purgatory, and they haven’t dealt with Cas’s side of blame in this mess yet either -- that Cas keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. And, you know, that’s a whole lot more exciting than witnessing their for realsies first kiss. I’m also confident Dabb & co will deliver the conclusion to this emotional arc and it will be a whole mess of feelings on all our parts.

For the moment, though, it’s looking a lot like Dean and Cas had a rocky start to their ~involvement, then DEATH, then they got together feat. sweet sweet domestic fluff, then DIVORCE. So, yeah. Season 12, guys; it’s where it’s at.

As for the more performative aspect of Dean and Cas’s relationship…that’s a whole other thing and all I can say is they got the green light for something, but I don’t know what it is and it’s driving me bananas, but it’s definitely something and we can talk about that, too. Place your bets, etc. I’m clowning on the “I love you” pay off because it’s a glaring missing piece in this whole story. See also: holding hands? Carving Cas’s initials on the table? Saileen endgame parallels? All supported by the narrative. Like a lot. So. *finger guns*

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #spn #spn meta #my writing #one day i'll title my posts after things that aren't questionable songs #but today is not that day #this post has strong ship manifesto from the late 00's vibes #i miss those things they were handy

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dailyaudiobible · 3 years

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12/23/2020 DAB Transcript

Zechariah 4:1-5:11, Revelation 14:1-20, Psalms 142:1-7, Proverbs 30:21-23

Today is the 23rd day of December welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it's great to be here with you on Christmas eve eve. Man, this is it and the Christmas holiday is upon us. We are reaching the end of the Advent season. Of course, Advent is the season of…of…of longing, basically of longing, of putting…putting ourselves in the position of those before Jesus came, before the Savior came who were longing for His arrival, which is what Advent means. And, so, we continue with that in our hearts, a longing, a longing for God, a longing for Christ's return, His second Advent. And we get this point in the season where maybe we’ve been thinking about it, maybe we have an Advent calendar or whatever to focus us, to remember, to put ourselves in that position and…and…and contemplate it as we move through the season, or maybe you just don't even know what or pay attention to Advent, then that's fine too. It’s just that the season is coming to an end, which means that the wait is almost over and then we get to midnight tomorrow night and it’s like joy around the world. And, so, I am overjoyed that we can be here together around the Global Campfire just kind of all snuggled up and longing and waiting and excited. And since we’re here let's take the next step forward in the Scriptures. We've been reading from the New English Translation this week, which is what we’ll continue to do. Zechariah chapters 4 and 5.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’re reading in the Old Testament from the book of Zechariah. We’re reading in the New Testament from the book of Revelation. They are far spread out in time, at least at the time of the writing and yet they sound, they sound familiar. There…there's an incredible amount of symbolism involved in these texts. They come from the same genre, apocalyptic literature. And we've talked about apocalyptic literature in the past. It's highly symbolic. So, it's interesting when we read some of these visions that are happening in Zechariah or continuing forward with the book of Revelation. It's interesting to just observe ourselves in a number of ways. One, we can be like, “what? What does that mean? Like, how…how…how is that supposed to go” because of all the different symbolism and creatures and this doing that. So, it's interesting to look at ourselves and go, “what am taking literally? What do I understand is a symbol? Do I understand the symbolism? Where is this leading me?” And that's good and that's fine. And yeah, we can…we can get on the Internet or we can just look back into history and understand that interpretations of this literature are wide and varying and have been for thousands of years because other brothers and sisters have wrestled with the same thing in their time wondering what it means for them in their time. But when we hear the word apocalyptic or apocalypse, you know, it just sounds ominous, it's an ominous word. And yeah, I mean an apocalypse, is a…it's a…it’s a destruction, it's a cat…it’s a catastrophe. But the word of apocalypses in Greek at its core means Revelation. In other words, although this may be highly symbolic it was written down to reveal something that has yet to be revealed. And out of that literature today from the book of Zechariah we read something very famous, “it's not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven's armies.” Or maybe more famously quoted, “not by power, not by might, but by my Spirit's says the Lord of hosts.” If there were something that we should carry forward into the future into the next few days as we observe and celebrate Christmas but the next week as we move to the end of the year and all of the days of our lives it would be this, “it is not by our might. It is not by our power. It will be by the Spirit that we are led forward.” So, we can just apply that to the next like…just…just the Christmas celebrations that we will be involved in. We talked about that yesterday, how quickly things can go into interesting directions as the family dynamics of our childhoods like reassert themselves and we become little kids again even though we may have families of our own. I mean, we can take this, “it's not by might and put in our back pocket and reach in our back pocket any time we feel that anxiety or whatever rising up with…within and just remind ourselves, “it's not by might, it’s not by power, it's by the Spirit of the living God” that I can move forward. Or from the Psalms today, “even when my strength leaves me you watch my footsteps. I cry out to you oh Lord, I say you are my shelter, my security in the land of the living.” So, I mean we’re gonna receive gifts probably, we’re going to give gifts probably. No matter what is under that tree. No matter how beautifully wrapped it is it's not gonna be able to shelter your very soul. And, so, maybe his cheesy, you know, restate the clichés, “Jesus is the reason for the season, etc. etc.” but we should understand that there is a gift given to us, a Savior who is a shelter for our sole. And again, we’re out in front of us so we’re not tearing paper and figuring out what…how many garbage bags its gonna take to fill up all this paper. We’re out in front of it. Let's remember this gift. Like, you know, I don't know how to say it without sounding kind of cliché because we have all these little sayings to say, but if we would understand, like slowdown and understand what we’re saying it could be profoundly meaningful to us. A gift was given to us by God and all are welcome to have this gift. And this gift was that God came in person to inaugurate, to institute a personal relationship with us. That is a…that is a gift that there is no way to really adequately describe, that the most-high, the most-high God, the Creator of all things would like to give himself to you if you would give yourself back.

Prayer:

Father we…we meditate on that today, we contemplate that, we invite Your Holy Spirit to allow us to be reminded to consider this today as we run around trying to get all the little things done and keep ourselves safe and keep our family safe and all of the things that are going on. Help us to remember that You gave Yourself as a gift to us. There is no gift like that. And, so, come Holy Spirit, as we meditate upon it today. May we feel the joy of our salvation we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it's the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. It's Christmas Eve Eve so that's kind of what's going on around you. Can you guys believe tomorrow is Christmas eve? That is…that is amazing. We have made it this far and I'm gonna…I’m gonna celebrate in my heart, with all my heart, the arrival of the Savior this season. We need the arrival of the Savior more than anything and this year has made us more aware of it than anything. So, let's…let’s just enjoy where we are.

There’s a couple of Christmas things that you could get involved in, the Family Christmas album that is sort of our Global Campfire soundtrack to the season, you can stream that wherever you stream music, or download it wherever you download music as well as the Christmas single that we released this year, O, Holy Night with Jill singing beautifully. So, you can do the same. You can stream that wherever you stream music or download that wherever you download music. So, check those out as we move right into the heart of…I mean this is the whole purpose of the season is to arrive at these days where we really, really, rejoice - joy to the world, the Lord has come. So, yeah, those resources are available. Tomorrow Jill will be virtually performing O Holy Night at a candlelight service. We will post up the links to that tomorrow in case like if you can’t I mean there's just a lot of things that have been switched around and switched up this year. A lot of us can't go to candlelight services while others of us can. So, if you have to attend a virtual candlelight service then we’ll post a link to where we will be virtually. So, we’ll post a link for that on social media tomorrow.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible in these remaining days of this unforgettable year that we have been navigating together in community day by day step-by-step then thank you. If what's been going on around here bringing the spoken word of God read fresh every day for anybody to listen to it anywhere any time and to keep building community around that rhythm, if that makes a difference then thank you for your partnership. There's a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the…which is the Hotline button in the app, the little red button up at the top that looks like a hotline button. You can press that or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

…and you’re wanting to be with Jesus, you’re wanting to die. I get that. I mean we probably all do, we probably all know that feeling, the pain of this world and then the goodness of God, the serenity we can feel in worship and the anguish we feel in struggles in life and the wickedness and sin of life. I want to encourage you, do not kill yourself. That is schemes and attacks of the evil one. Paul felt it in Scripture I’ve felt it, we’ve all felt it in different ways. Do not kill yourself. But yeah, like you are doing, give it to the Lord. If He wants to take you, have you die in some way and be with Him in life forever, Amen. If He has you here for a purpose, you know, what’s our purpose as a Christian? To share who He is, to evangelize so the rest of the world of people we know and love and see all the time when they die too they will not die forever in hell, they will live with Christ, with Yahweh. So, I want to encourage you. Don’t kill yourself. Don’t do it. But surrender your life to Him and evangelize. Don’t be some crazy old lady. I mean, you can be. The prophets were crazy. But, you know, just be a lady of love and a daughter of love and a wife of love. Alright, love you. Bye. Mike from New York.

Hello good morning, I just listened to your prayer request from my sister quiet confidence from Virginia and I’m so touched I have to call him right now. And the song and the prayer I said because your soul is overwhelmed the father will lead you to the rock that is __ than you right now. Even though you are asking for the Lord to take you home may the father that knows what is best for the children I pray that He will step into you matter and do what is best for you. This I ask in Jesus name, that the Lord will touch your body, your spirit and your soul and do what is best for you for his name’s sake in Jesus’ name. And I pray for as many of our brethren, brothers and sisters suffering one thing or the other that the spirit of the Lord will touch them, the balm of Gilead will heal you, and the hand of the Lord will touch you wherever you are in Jesus’ name. For skis the Lord that He led us, He sent His word and His __. Shalom __ this is your sister Addie from London. Bye.

I’m calling in for Quiet Confidence in Virginia. Sister I just want you to know that God is with you and He has never left you. He’s promised never to leave us or forsake us. And I won’t begin to say that I understand why and how it is that His children can suffer like you are. I know that in my life there’ve been times I’ve asked the Lord to go ahead and take me and remove me from whatever pain I was going through but I want to encourage you to lean on the Lord, to let Him love on you and…and also want to tell you that that is a lie of the accuser of our soul, that we are not saved. God has promised that He will hear the cry of repentance and that He will forgive you and He said that He sent Christ into this world so that we could be saved. That is his greatest joy, for you to call on Him as your heavenly Gather. So, Lord I pray across these miles for my sister who is tormented today, and I ask You by the Holy Spirit to strengthen her mind soul body and spirit and to raise her up and give her new joy and new peace in the midst of her pain Lord, to work a miracle in her life as only You can do and give her joy in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Good morning everyone this is Danny from Southern Oregon. Brian I just listened to Jill’s O Holy Night song and…O…was brought to tears. O my gosh she did such an absolutely phenomenal job. So, definitely gonna listen to that one over and over and over. And I just got my Klean Kanteen in the mail. I’m so excited to give that to my husband for Christmas. So, just wanted to say thank you for all…everything you do Brian just to enrich our lives every single day not only with the word but all these other things that you bring into the mix. So, thank you and God bless you and your family.

Dear Quiet Confidence this is Susan from Canada God’s Yellow Flower calling and I just want to encourage you my dear, sweetheart that God is not finished with you yet. I have been in that pit where there’s no sunlight, there’s only darkness. I have been suicidal and it’s only by the grace of God that it didn’t work out. And I just persevered with medication, with counseling and in prayer. Sometimes I would just lay on my bed and just pray the Lord’s prayer because I just did not know what to do. But He’s not finished with you yet my sweet. And once you rise out of this and into the light you will have an awesome testimony where you can encourage and help others as I hope I am doing for you. God will use you in this situation to help others. And, you know, I’ve been so blessed. And, oh my, I can’t even explain it. I’ve been so blessed with…with work at God has wanted me to do that I would have missed if He would have answered my prayer to end my life and take me home. Don’t forget, God is always with you. He’s walking you through this and you will be victorious as I have been victorious. It’s difficult…so hard. It’s not easy but hang in there, sweetheart. I’m praying for you and I love you. God bless.

Yes this is Lady T from Tennessee I would love to pray for the young lady that called in. She go by the name of Quiet Confidence from Virginia. I just lift her up. Father I pray for a sound mind over her. She’s asking God day take…take her home. Father I just pray that You restore the joy back in her in the name of Jesus, that she is made whole in Jesus’ holy name.

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srwestvikwrites · 4 years

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Privilege is the Haven of Thorns

I wrote this post the week George Floyd was murdered. I was angry, and tired, and confused, and increasingly more apprehensive in my capacity as a person and as a writer as I was drawn in to the immense whirlpool of the zeitgeist gripping the internet and society.

It was such a complicated and emotional time. I was wracked with guilt at not going to the BLM protest in Madrid because we had just opened up into Phase 2 of the desescalada and I was scared of COVID. I was furious at the denial of individuals in my home country of Singapore who refused to believe that just because our race riots were in 1964 and not 2020 that it meant we had no more issues of systemic discrimination or privilege to challenge. I was exasperated and uneasy and inspired at having been drawn into a massive shitshow about race that rocked the Tolkien fandom within the same timeframe.

All of this made me question my place and my purpose as an author writing a story like Haven of Thorns. It doesn’t dwell on these issues, but it draws on them, in the same way that my life doesn’t linger on the colonisation of my home country or the country of my ancestors (India) and yet is irrevocably shaped by this history.

Haven of Thorns was always going to be a story taking place in the strange rivers of colonial legacy. It is a story of drowned histories and ghosts that reside in the very stones of a city and demons that linger inside people who were happy enough to let them back in. All of it is pushed along by the current of time, where history is not stagnant but forces change. It is about war, and it is about subtle discrimination, and it is about what we choose to do when we’re so hung up on our independence story that we refuse to acknowledge the rot in our roots.

I’m reproducing the post as I wrote it all those weeks ago, even though there are better ways I could have expressed my thoughts, and indeed some of these thoughts have new nuances now as I have drafted pivotal scenes in the story. There are other things I’d rather have focused on. The haven of thorns is more than mere privilege now. And perhaps one day I’ll expand on that.

But for now, this is a historical record of what I was thinking as it was all going down and I was trying to decide what sort of story I wanted to tell in the world I lived in as the person I am.

_________________________________________________

I’m not going to be coy about the metaphor anymore. This book was always going to be highly political. It has just become even more political. I cannot begin to describe how apt and how heartbreaking it is to be drafting my novel right now.

Some context should perhaps be given as to the kinds of politics that are informing this story. I began outlining the earliest iterations of Haven of Thorns at the height of the European migration crisis. While migration itself is not a main theme of the story – and where it does feature, it’s from a rather inverted historical power dynamic – the backlash against it was always present in the telling of the tale. The rise of the European right terrified me. I had never experienced open racism before until one incident when I moved to Norway in late 2015, where I was lucky enough to have an ally at the time, though I never learned her name. I have seen far too many swastikas misappropriated from their holiness to represent hatred, spraypainted on neighbourhood walls in Trondheim, London, and Madrid.

For many years, I likened racism and xenophobia and white supremacy to a contagion, even to possession (which may have been down to the title of this book I read during high school). My view on this has changed, now. For those raised into these ideas, sure, the demon metaphor may still apply. But for many, these corrupted values take root and fester because we allow them to.

The old first draft of Haven of Thorns was begun in the first week of November, 2016. I feel I have no need to elaborate on why this timing is significant. Globally, the sense of the triumph of ignorance and vitriol was palpable. Over the next few years, partially because I became more active on social media and partially because of the degree I was studying for, every day required exposure to injustices very often predicated on culture, ethnicity, language, and/or race.

Then in 2019 Singapore commemorated the bicentennial – our 200 year anniversary of being colonised. And once again I was confronted with the bizarre lack of acknowledgment of how blatantly race relations had been directed and segmented by the British, and how whatever the government line says, we have not bounced back from the wounds that gouged in our society. I interned at an NGO dealing with race relations, and it only illuminated what we’d rather cover up – the value judgements we make of people based off their skin colour, the god(s) the pray to, or the language they speak. When COVID-19 reared its head Singapore was lauded for their response, until it hit the migrant worker dormitories. That was a powder keg waiting to explode. And it is false and unjust to pretend that the conditions they are living in do not have their own origins in the petulant protests of those who unfairly profiled and characterised the workers and robbed them of better conditions, resulting in the tragedy that has taken place now.

Even climate justice and its link to ethnicity began to seep into the story, particularly during the early 2020 fires in Australia and how severely the Aboriginal peoples were affected.

As I write this post Minneapolis is up in arms, and Americans are out in the thousands across the country protesting for justice for George Floyd and the countless other black Americans who have been victims of the system and of police violence.

Growing from childhood to adulthood in the 2000s-2010s has meant growing up in a time when discussions about race, ethnicity, culture, and the legacies of our most backward perceptions and prejudiced notions have come to the forefront, both of activism and of violent action taken against others. How could I not be impacted, for example, by the horror of the massacre in Norway on 22 July? How could I not have felt the shadow of the War on Terror through the rampant Islamophobia in the media and in society?

The extent to which all these disparate ideas of politics and power and race and xenophobia and colonialism actually manifest in Haven of Thorns isn’t perhaps measurable in the amount I’ve discussed them here. But the core of this book is that the haven is privilege, and thorns are both the barrier of our ignorance and the spears upon which we sacrifice those who challenge it. White privilege in the West. Chinese privilege in Singapore. Yes I fucking said it. To refuse to see that is privilege, in and of itself. One can feel hurt, to be associated with the violent ways these ideas manifest. Or, one can choose to acknowledge that feeling implicated by despicable acts is perhaps the spark to challenge one’s own biases.

This story is about breaking that thorn barrier and letting in the light, in all its unbridled blinding glory, to burn away the festering hatred we’ve allowed to take root in our flesh.

In the end an important theme in Haven of Thorns – perhaps the most important – is the power structures and prejudices that prevail when colonisation has ended, along with its associated forms of exploitation, and a state becomes self-governing. It’s about who remains in power, why they remain there, and what it means for those who do not have an equal share in that power. I’m not just talking about physical force. I’m talking about value judgments that disenfranchise people based on their inherent qualities. Things like language, religion, or skin colour. Having a voice and having the power to exercise and sustain what you advocate for are all very different things, and this is why these stories cannot be apolitical. A person’s life, their right to life, and their rights to liberty and equality should not be a matter of politics – and yet they are. Because politics is about power. And power is far too often exercised unjustly.

Blaming the old oppressor only works up to a point. At some stage, a country has to face what it has done and continues to do to itself, and whether they are going to choose to make collective, powerful, and perhaps jarring value changes for the sake of basic human rights and justice. After all, prejudice is learned. It can be unlearned.

While this tale focuses on the legacy of colonisation, these same principles lie behind the abuse of authority and the untended wounds of what has happened to the black community in America for centuries, itself founded upon ideas of racial superiority. The police brutality coupled with endorsement from the highest offices in the land is a horrific ugliness – but worse, is those who choose not to see it for what it is. Those who tweet #alllivesmatter. Those who say they don’t see colour. Those who question why race has to be dragged into everything. To quote Moses in Dreamworks’s The Prince of Egypt: “I did not see because I did not wish to see.” This is privilege. This is us inviting contagion into our societies and refusing to mask up and letting it kill us from the inside out. But unlike a contagion, this is discriminatory. That is the essence of it. The differential treatment is the point. If you question why people are burning and looting, why they aren’t being “peaceful”, why they don’t comply (they do – it doesn’t work, as anyone who watched the clip of the CNN reporter would know), why they are so angry – then you are in the haven of thorns. You just refuse to acknowledge it, because the only light seeping into your little puddle is filtered, screened, and you’d rather ignore the shadows cast by the thorns.

So many of the choices in Haven of Thorns hinge upon deciding whether to preserve or whether to overturn these vicious cycles of hatred. It’s so painful to see these struggles continue to be mirrored in the real world, happening to real communities at this very moment. Part of me wants to stop writing this, because I cannot begin to capture the true agony of what is happening, no matter how much I empathise. But another part of me knows that I am in a position of great privilege, and perhaps it is time I put my voice to something that truly matters. Add another line to the anthem that advocates for these deep-set value changes that we need to make on a domestic and an international scale.

In the first very first chapter of this story, the royal palace burns. It may just as well have been a police station.

#work:hot #irdiverse #privilege #race #fantasy #social justice #my writing

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