#Kill or Cure

[checkoutmybookshelf]

He's Just a Herald and He's On Fire!

So, if there is one consistent theme with protagonists in Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar universe, it's that there is a STARTLING number of them who are misfits in their families, misunderstood, and a little anxious and melancholic about the whole thing. You'd think that this would get boring fast, but Lackey manages to mix up the details enough that they don't meld together in my head, and in point of fact, I have actual favorites. One of whom we are talking about today. That's what this post is for. Lan Chitward is one of my favorite herald protagonists. Let's talk Brightly Burning.

Hi, hello, welcome. If this is your first time on my blog, please be warned that this is A SPOILERIFIC ZONE. I will SPOIL THE CRAP OUT OF THIS BOOK. Consider yourself warned.

Y'all, I am a Shakespeare scholar, so if I ever post anything along the lines of "Tragedies suck and I hate them," please send help, I've been kidnapped. Your girl LOVES a good tragedy, and that's really what this book is: An Amazing Tragedy. But that's just the end for Herald Lavan Firestorm and his Companion Kalira.

At the beginning of this book, we meet Lavan "Lan" Chitward, ugly ducking son of a pair of extremely prosperous merchants who feels ignored, misunderstood, and transplanted from the place that made him happiest. Kiddo has zero desire to follow either of his parents into their trades, so when they hit their wits' ends, said parents send Lan to a merchant-run school so Lan can find himself a direction in life that he feels will suit him.

Lan's parents might not be able to empathize or communicate with their son, but they did try to set him up for success. They tried. They get a couple of points for that. Not a lot. But a couple.

Unfortunately for Lan, he gets to discover the downsides of private school firsthand when he is relentlessly and cruelly bullied by older students. Lan's anxiety and very real, rational fear of bodily and social harm get so bad that to save his life, his Firestarting Gift explodes out of his control. By the time the smoke clears, four boys are dead and Lan is being carted up to the palace to explain to Herald Pol what on earth had been happening in his school and how the fire started. Stress from being questioned makes Lan lose control again, but before he can start a second killer fire, Kalira chooses Lan. Handily, Kalira is the daughter of Pol's companion, Satiran, so Pol is aware from the jump that Lan is more than just Kalira's Choice: The two are lifebonded.

Go nuts, Ao3.

However, this is about when the members of the heraldic circle start looking at each other sideways and going, "oh no. Firestarting Gifts usually only pop up when we're going to need them..." So while Lan is getting tutored by Pol, Kalira, his new best friend Tuck, and Pol's daughter Eleanor, Karse is causing trouble at the border--like preparing to invade and burn all the heralds to death trouble. Karse is not your friend, and their sun priests tend to target heralds and healers, and the only thing worse than being killed by Karsite troops is being taken alive to be burned at the stake or--for healers--be forced to use your gift until you burn out and die. So: Bad Situation.

Ultimately, the command decision is made to send Lan to the front. Lan at this point is an emotionally unstable, half-trained at best trainee herald. The poor kid is getting yeeted into a situation he is absolutely unprepared to handle. Before he and Pol even MAKE it to the front, they're attacked by a scout group and Pol is blinded--put a pin in that, we're going to come back to it. So Lan gets to the front already traumatized and somewhat sans his trusted mentor. It's not good.

Ultimately, the title of this book comes back to haunt Lan and Kalira: they burn, too brightly. Kalira takes an arrow in battle to save Lan, and in his grief and rage, Lan unleashes his final strike, taking out the Karsite army, an entire pine forest, and even some of his own soldiers--firestorms are hard to aim. Lan is posthumously raised to full Herald rank, and losing their entire army puts Karse on the shelf. It's the very definition of a pyrrhic victory, however. Lan burned himself out at age sixteen. He was a half-trained child doing his level best, and he was put in a situation that he was objectively unready for. It's heartbreaking, it's tragic...it's WONDERFULLY done.

The entire time you're reading this book and falling in love with Lan and Kalira, you're thinking "they'll be alright, won't they? They have to be alright." But you have enough other beloved characters that you get to know well enough that you also get to mourn with them once Lan and Kalira are gone. You get pulled into this story and you just want to hug Lan and stick him somewhere safe. This is one of my favorite Valdemar books, no question.

This is where I want to just briefly come back to Herald Pol and the attack that costs him his sight. I have no objection about the context in which this occurs. Shit happens in war. It's tragic, it's traumatic, it COMPLETELY SUCKS, but there aren't any red flags in terms of how Pol is disabled. There is also a fairly realistic period in which Pol is trying to adjust to not having sight. He also can see through Satiran's eyes for short periods of time because magic, but since this comes with a cost in energy and magic and doesn't inherently negate the disability, we're still fine. It's an emergency stopgap measure, not a functional cure. So far, so fine.

Unfortunately, there are a couple of things I don't love about how Pol's blinding is handled. The first thing is a bit "your mileage may vary" rather than a genuinely harmful negative representation, but it threw up a faint red flag when I was reading, so I'm talking about it. Traumatic injuries are so described for a reason; people have very very valid feelings and reactions to being suddenly and violently disabled, and part of adjusting is having the time and space to work through those feelings. Now. Pol and Lan are literally in a war zone, they are indispensably important figures, so they can't just be sent home. There also kind of isn't time and space to deal with the emotions in a war zone. All of that is fair enough. It would suck to have to just swallow the feels and keep functioning, and that could even lead to some good narrative tension.

That's not what happens though.

I'll just give you the text from the book for this bit:

Some time during the ride to headquarters, Pol had made up his mind on several points; it had given him relief from the pain to work things logically through in that way. Losing his eyesight was not going to be a tragedy, and if Ilea could not Heal him, then he would simply accept that. The events of the evening only confirmed that belief. He worked through everything as logically as he could during the ride, and during that night and the day and night that followed, in his dreams he was able to employ a technique called directed dreaming to work through things emotionally. It wasn't easy; he exhausted himself all over again, weeping for what he had lost and raging against everyone involved, including himself. But it had to be done, and quickly, and dreams were the best and least harmful place to do so.

I'm not going to say that his experience as a Herald and soldier don't give this some credibility, and I'm not going to say that narrative compression isn't a thing that writers can and do use to get characters from emotional point a to point b, but this stretched my credibility just a skooch and made me go, "They're going to keep him blind, right?"

Reader, they healed him at the end of the book. Can we PLEASE let him live a full herald life while blind??? He was no less effective without his sight than with it, and A LITTLE PHYSICAL DISABILITY REP AMONG THE ACTIVE-DUTY HERALDS WOULD BE LOVELY. Plenty of them live with anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, or other mental health challenges, but heaven forbid a herald have a physical disability.

This is a pattern I'm noticing more and more in books. Soldiers and soldier-adjacent characters can experience mental illness and disability, but not physical. It's that really annoying mind-body split looming large, and I don't have a good solution for this other than letting active duty characters also have physical disabilities, rather than having them be cured, retired, or in roles that never require them to be in the field. And I do get that like...if you are physically disabled, your best bet is not to be in a fight, but that's not how LIFE works. Sometimes the fight comes to you, or your expertise is needed in the field. It happens. LET IT.

Other than my growing frustration with disability rep in military, military-adjacent, and martial-esque organizations in fiction, I love this book to little tiny pieces. It's a beautifully executed tragedy without being self-indulgent or unnecessarily maudlin.

#mercedes lackey #valdemar #heralds of valdemar #herald mages #burning brightly #lan chitward #lavan firestorm #heralds and companions #adult fantasy #fantasy novel #books and reading #books & libraries #books and novels #books #book recommendations #disability representation #kill or cure

[mitjalovse]

I am quite sure my attempts at understanding the previous decade musically brought me to a state close to aporia. The thought expressed here might be connected with the lack of optimism I currently feel about the world, which the records that the musicians did as the introductions of the era contain. To give you an example – Big Music by Simple Minds does possess a going-back-to-what-we-are-good-at nostalgic ethos, yet there's a feeling they rejuvenated themselves this way. To be honest, Simple Minds' latest LPs get ignored thanks to them being always severely underappreciated, those who have them for their idols caused us to realize what a great group they are. Thus, Big Music does, ha, big stuff for them, but I still feel like they can find more space for improvements.

#simple minds #big music #kill or cure #jim kerr #charlie burchill #mel gaynor #andy gillespie #ged grimes #andy wright #gavin goldberg #10's music #synthpop

[coulsonlives]

This has been a reminder

#don't trust miracle cures #critical thinking #health #medicine #cancer #cancer ment cw #misinformation #supplements #xkcd #if anyone still doesn't quite get it because i didn't for a hot second lol: you could literally dump a bucket of 'miracle cure' on cells #in a petri dish but if that amount of 'miracle cure' gets into human tissue it might kill em #in other words 'in a petri dish' means nothing because all the rules doses etc that would apply to actual human administration are out #fave

[girlbogg]

hey has anyone else noticed that totk looks a lot like princess mononoke sometinms (<- guy who has never had an original thought)

#loz totk #zelda #ganondorf #tloz fanart #tears of the kingdom #tloz crossover #tloz au #i drew this back before i got very far in totk and i was convinced that the zonai would turn out to be dragons somehow #which wouldve made the game 150% cooler #i imagine eboshidorf would be kinda windwaker-esque #more like. reserved and genteel than totk dorf #trying to make a better life for his people but willing to kill gods and destroy the world to do it #meanwhile zelda lives in the forest and was raised by the gods (zonai) #and she meets link when he leaves his home village to find a cure for the gloom that is sapping everyone's health and nearly killed him #do you see my vision #my art

[lmanburs]

I'm a huge fan of how they framed Joel's hospital fight. The gunshots are muted and the music is somber. Yeah, Joel saved Ellie, but he's not framed as the good guy as he continued to run through that hospital and kill everyone in sight. He may have saved his world but he screwed over everyone else. Joel isn't a hero. He's a parent who didn't want to lose another kid

#also this doesnt account for whether the fireflies wouldve been able to make a cure or not #joel didnt take ellie out of the hospital because he believed in their cause. he did it solely because it wouldve killed her #the last of us #tlou #tlou spoilers #laurel.txt

[rotruff]

hii. your uncaring or cold f/o does in fact care quite a lot. especially in moments of weakness.

yes they care whenever you feel tired, burnt out and maybe they won't say anything. maybe it comes off like they don't care, but that would be ignoring how they find themselves taking up whatever work there might've been to do so you can rest a while longer without complaint. any 'oh you don't have to-'s get brushed off with a little 'go lay back down' or something similar. the shortness isn't because they're irritated, no, it's just because it's a little silly to them- yes, obviously they don't have to, but they're going to because they love you. maybe that's a little too sappy for them to voice, maybe they do reveal that, either way they'll find their way back to you whenever everything's set away and done. whether they're laying down with you or just sitting nearby and working on their own thing, they keep themself within arm's reach should you need anything.

yes they care whenever you're feeling sick or riding out any nasty symptoms. they'll go make any trips out for things you want or need without question, maybe making a quick promise that they'll be right back. maybe it's a little silly to think you're going to keel over in the handful of minutes they're at the store for, but they just don't want you to feel like you're suffering alone. they might not be feeling out whatever it is you are, but they still want to keep you company through it. maybe they hover just a little, if only just to monitor your symptoms, but rest assured they really don't mind doing whatever it is that makes you feel better. if you want a specific food or drink they'll be running through the rain if they have to to get it to you. if you wanna shower or take a bath but don't have the energy to set it all up or to really take care of yourself they're meticulous with it, setting out whatever they can remember you liking and what might help you feel better and keeping any touches gentle and delicate. if you just wanna lay down and have them nearby, they're happy to just stick around, so long as you can spare them the glances they're sneaking at you every now and then while you rest, relishing in the comfort and safety of the moment.

proship / adj dni

#self shipping #self ship #self ship community #f/o imagines #imagine your f/o #f/o prompts #self ship imagine #romantic f/o #f/o community #self shipper #self shipping community #selfship #selfshipping #my period is KILLING MEEEEE. full body aches + sore throat what if i died. what then #ibuprofen .... ibuprofen and water save me #save me water and ibuprofen #so. um. sorry if this is poorly written im so tired i just woke up from a nap i thought would cure me and it DIDNT #im like jesus christ on the cross im suffering everything ever

[callmedylan]

EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!! He’s trying to flirt.

#securitywaiter #ness the waiter #mike schmidt #fnaf au #fnaf movie #2000s #2000s aesthetic #90s #2000s artstyle #When your sister is about to get killed by some possessed animatronics but you gotta get the cute waiters number #God not Mike being real #Mike listens to the cure #Scott told me himself #I love them sm #silly little guys #Art

[fuitgummybat]

Friends, as a massive new wave fan, I have developed a theory: Every new wave song is somewhere between punk, goth, and disco.

My proof:

Big thanks to @dartheritis for their help

#I'd love to see folks add bands I may have forgotten #or argue about positioning #new wave #punk #goth #disco #music #the runaways #the b 52s #billy idol #talking heads #culture club #roxette #the police #oingo boingo #killing joke #the stranglers #the smiths #the cure #wire #joy division #siouxsie and the banshees #the buggles #DEVO

[cosmosnout]

Fuck it we ball, golden route were they all team up and rule over Fódlan together. Canon won’t let them be happy and alive together so I have to do it (+ soldier,poet,king reference since it’s literally them)

#dimitri and claude figure out that twsitd are behind all the bads things that have happened in their country and seek out eidie to kick ass #they propably dismantle the chruch or at least seperate the church from state while they’re at it lol #Hanneman cures edie of her crests so shes able to live a long life #or not idk i made two versions bc of that #together they open up fodlans boarders and start building relations with their neighboring countries #they form and alliens between their nations and become the high lords of fodlan #byleth is there #note to self: draw byleth next #yeah idk power of friendship or something #my mental health is relain to their well being #fuck edelgard and dimitri having to kill eachother #art #digital art #my art #fanart #digital illustration #fe3h #fire emblem 3 houses #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h dimitri #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fe3h edelgard #edelgard von fresberg #fe3h claude #claude von reigan #fe3h au #fe3h golden route au

[noikaido309]

blinkies dump that i made for my spacehey profile bc i couldn't found any of the ones i wanted, they’re not really good bc its my first time doing blinkies but i might as well make the post public for anyone else that might want them or smth idk! ( i dont take full credit bc i just re-edited gifs or blinkies that other ppl already made )

#blinkies #crystal castles #the cure #tears for fears #wardruna #alvvays #aphex twin #Bôa #boards of canada #cl #el huervo #fatboy slim #grimes #groove armada #lady gaga #mgmt #my life with the thrill kill kult #mystery skulls #opus iii #saint pepsi #scatman john #sewerslvt #the klf #vangelis #susumu hirasawa #m.i.a. #the prodigy #jungle #lorn #machine girl

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

[cherriiramen]

hhhhhh but what if everything was fixed and Joker was fixed and he was no longer Joker but Jack Napier instead after Bruce talked with him an actual meaningful emotional conversation (after Alfred sat him down and lectured him about his complicated bottled up feelings towards him) and made sure he gets regularly doses of therapy afterwards (with him accompanying him) and he tried another go at being a stand-up comedian and he was extremely successful and everyone laughed at his jokes and he laughed with them because he was genuinely happy and sometimes he’d end up having to pause mid-stage to wipe his eyes from tears of joy and then when everyone claps Bruce would be in the crowd somewhere and claps the loudest and they got married and shared custody of Robin together and Alfred slayed as a father in law and and wasnwjkwo

(whispers) it’s canon now.

#Adding the rings to their fingers added 20 years to my life #You should try it it’s like therapy #OH AND #this is sort of an au I thought up reaaaal late at night #Joker is cured but the chemical effects still very slightly remain #leaving his skin pale but not to the point of being canvas-white #And his hair black with a very very tiny leaning towards green #His other eye stays purple because I think it looks pretty on him #He’s no longer psycho but he’s still got his sense of humour and passion for pranks (not ones that kill you) #Bruce Wayne #Joker #Jack Napier #Bruce x Jack #Bruce x Joker #Batjokes #art #my art #headcanons (??) #Somewhat yeah! #Batjokes headcanons #Batjokes fanart #dc #superheroes #batman

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

can we stop the trend of putting traumatized and mentally unstable characters into romantic relationships as their “happy endings”?

#this is about catra but it’s also about hunter #THIS IS NOT WHAT THEY NEED. #they don’t need a badass girlfriend they need ✨THERAPY✨ #stop acting like romance is a cure to mental health issues #it’s such a harmful message to send to kids #again props to steven universe future for being one of the only children’s shows that actually promote therapy #steven gets with connie ofc but he also takes the necessary steps to actual healing like seeing a therapist and moving out of his hometown #anyway yeah #as a psych major this trope kills me every time #i just had to rant #spop critical #toh critical

[lazycranberrydoodles]

i've been wanting to show off my crown prince design since november of last year lmao / follow for more xianle epic fail compilations

#i started drawing taizi dianxia and this meme popped into my head #the second panel is based off of the time the trio spent in the quarantine zone before xianle fell #when xl was trying to figure out the cure for the human face disease and bringing rain to yong’an #lemme find my favorite quotes from this book #its either #Your Highness #why do you think you can achieve anything you want to do? Rather than putting my fate in your hands #I choose to put it in my own. #… Throughout all their past meetings #this was the very first time Xie Lian had steeled his heart to kill Lang Ying. #orrrr #You don’t have a third path amd there is no second cup of water. Wake up #Your Highness! You’re running out of time. #tgcf #heaven official’s blessing #tian guan ci fu #tgcf meme #xie lian #hob #lmao #art #digital art #my art #doodle #tgcf spoilers #blood

[arthursfuckinghat]

"And anyway, my family weren't even English!"

#sean's laugh fucking kills me #hua ha her 👹 #ARTHUR ISN'T ENGLISH GOINF CRAZY WELSH ARTHUR REAL??? #👈 is projecting #but seriously he's welsh to me #I drank pirate rum instead of a health cure and charles was sitting next to me #he was like “drinking again arthur?” and giggled #Im so normal about them #mick squeaks #arthur morgan #sean macguire #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #liveblogging

[piebank]

thehotsummenights

#norage #miroah #noah diaz #rotb #hometeam #hot summer night sleeoy time #think i have insomnia now and will die soon #but heres some hometeam cuz the depression is killing me #didnt turn how i wanted but dont care. #noah x mirage #i guess still techincally a wip still #idk how to draw cars #pls cure of my wierd ass condition primus