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stxrvel · 4 months

Text

i don't wanna live forever (5)

summary: the time had come to destroy HYDRA and collect for all that had been taken from them...

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: 6k

warnings: descriptions of: blood, wounds, fights and weapons. probably gonna wake a lot of sadness since the begining. mentiones of suicide thoughts. heartbreak. stubborn characters. mentions of character deaths (canon). remember i'm not that good at writing action scenes and that English is not my first language!

note: hi guys! i didn't rest today at work. instead, i wrote 6k words for my actual hyperfixation and i'm actually exhausted. sometimes i write first in spanish and then in english, when my head is not up for the double translate, and leave the conversion to future me. this is future me talking and i hate myself for that. but i'm kind of proud how this one came out, so i hope you guys like it the same! feedback and reactions are always appreciated! see u guys next time <3

part 1

It was already getting dark when the small cellar you were in with your friends filled with applause and singing, a joy bouncing off the walls as you walked in Steve's direction with a grin from ear to ear. Your blond friend watched the small cake Peggy had gotten him that afternoon head towards him between your hands, setting it down on an upturned wooden barrel, a little damp, that they would use as a table.

Peggy and Bucky were off to the side, their faces matching your excitement as Steve reached down and shook his head.

“I don't even want to imagine how you got that cake in,” was the first thing Steve said when the happy birthday song ended, shooting you a grateful look. His eyes sparkled like you hadn't seen in many days and you felt Peggy's squeeze on your forearm as she came over to form a little circle just like Bucky.

“Trust me, you don't want to know,” Peggy shook her head, her smile matching the blond's.

You watched Steve split a piece of the cake with a spoon you had no idea where Peggy had gotten it from, your friend bursting out laughing when Steve raised his head and she smeared white cream all over his nose. At that moment you felt Bucky's body heat behind you, all your senses turning on at once.

“No candle, but you can make a wish before you take the first bite.”

Steve shared a look with his friend, still with that twinkle in his eye and the most relaxed expression he'd had in days. He was still wearing his uniform, having caught him by surprise to bring him into the warehouse after a long day of planning strategies for the next mission against HYDRA. You and Peggy had been thinking for several days about doing something, and being that it was rather difficult to throw a small party in the camp you were in, you decided to opt for something a little more ordinary and familiar. You couldn't say, however, that Steve didn't like it, not when you saw him smiling at everyone so openly, shoulders down and spreading laughter to everyone around him.

With the spoon halfway to his mouth, Steve closed his eyes and made a wish.

You smiled indulgently, watching two of your friends share a small moment as Steve took some more cake to give Peggy. With your hands behind your back, you suddenly felt Bucky's left hand make its way through your fingers, intertwining your hands very carefully.

“How's the taste?”

Steve shook his head nodding at your words, his brow furrowing in pleasure as he enjoyed the large bites he was taking of the cake. At that moment, all you could think about was how much you would sacrifice to stay in that bubble forever, even without knowing what was coming next.

“Are you okay?”

You heard his footsteps before you saw him, his body leaning against the second to last step where you had sat and turned away from the others. The routine you had had to get used to over the past few months, after believing you were going to change the world, had become a constant burden that was hard to shake off. Still, you took and cherished moments like those when you could go out and sit and just watch the vast sky stretching for miles. The stars shone so brightly there, in the middle of the forest, that they seemed like little beacons seeking to guide you to a better future; perhaps to a future that you did deserve. Steve also sometimes accompanied you in silence, having learned that he couldn't always argue with you about the meaning of life and the purpose for which you two had to carry out the unjust orders of superiors. You once saw one of his drawings, a woman sitting at the top of a flight of stairs and a starry night giving her a message of hope. Maybe he saw it the same way too after a while.

“Yeah,” you replied to Bucky with a tight-lipped little smile.

Bucky didn't know much about you now. As the weeks went by you realized it was true what he had once told you, when the America's couple shows and his platoon's stay coincided for the first time in months. You had changed a lot since the serum injection. And, well, who wouldn't, after all? That's why when you were together after so long he spent time very close to you, very aware of you, checking with his excellent senses that nothing was out of place. That you were okay.

You didn't know if he had believed you, by the way his face remained expressionless, barely a slight twitch of his eyebrows, but he didn't repeat the question.

“Do you think there's anything else for us, besides this?”

Bucky turned his gaze to look at the sky and you watched his profile, the curve of his eyelashes and his half-opened lips. Situations like that had become commonplace, too. Since you no longer spent so much time together and you had changed so much because somehow you had to adapt to the harsh reality against which you had crashed, Bucky constantly wondered many things about life that ended up being his own fears materialized in existential crises. For him his world was shaking. Since you told him that you had been invited to the Super Soldier project with Steve, everything had become uncertainty for him. Uncertainty about his life, about your life, about the life you wanted to have together, uncertainty about the future, uncertainty about life.

You had the conception that Bucky could never fully adapt to the abrupt change that meant his two best friends were involved in a private experiment that gave them heightened senses and more strength and speed than an average human. Now he seemed to looked at himself like the mere mortal who walked shoulder to shoulder with two gods. He seemed to feel that death would knock faster at his door and it drove him mad.

“Yeah, I don't think this is it,” you shook your head in assent, watching out of the corner of your eye as Bucky rested his forearms on his knees and leaned forward a bit. His hands interlocked and parted, his fingertips met and parted, his fists opened and closed.

“But you'll outlive me,” Bucky looked down, his blue eyes glittering focused on yours under the moonlight. You could barely hear movement in the back of the hold where Peggy and Steve were still talking. Your heart flipped at the vulnerability you saw through his eyes, lately more common than you'd like. You didn't like not being able to quell those thoughts that dominated his head; the insecurities and fears that made him doubt so many things in the middle of the night.

“We'd live the same amount of time,” you assured him shaking your head, your own mind refusing to accept that Bucky's fears could take more power over him. Whatever you could do to calm him, you would do, always.

“You have the serum. You and Steve will live for many more years. Hell, maybe you'll even be immortals,” Bucky tried to smile, but a grimace settled on his face and made his words bitter. He was subtly trying to untwist his shoulders, barely moving to your side trying not to show too much that he was kind of nervous.

“Why are you telling me that now?” you shifted on the wooden step, moving a little closer towards him. Bucky tensed visibly, not because of the closeness, but because he knew the moment was coming when you would stop following his lead and start asking him what was really plaguing his mind. For some reason, Bucky couldn't approach those topics of conversation naturally, letting his mind and words wander a bit before daring to take his fears by the horns.

“I don't know… I guess. It's a truth I have to accept,” he confessed, his voice so fragile and soft that had it not been for the extreme hearing the serum had granted you, you surely wouldn't have understood him. You felt your heart crumple and moved your hand from your lap to cradle his hands that he still could not let still.

“But it is a truth that is still a long way from being fulfilled.”

“And first we have to get through the war,” Bucky turned his hands to lace them with yours, his fingers intertwining with yours and giving them a squeeze.

“We will. I have no doubt about it. In fact, I have a plan to persuade Phillips,” you smiled at him trying to lighten the weight on his shoulders a bit.

Little surprised, Bucky let out a laugh, his free shoulders shaking in sync with his chest. A beautiful smile spread across his face, and you would've enjoyed it except you could still notice his tired eyes and the dark traces beneath them. It seemed that the moonlight intensified the reality of his emotions.

“You always have a plan for everything.”

“What can I say? I'm an optimist,” you lifted your shoulders, leaning against Bucky's side. His head dropped to rest on the crown of your head, his breathing synchronizing with yours for a moment.

“Between the two of us, you definitely are,” he murmured, taking a deep breath, enjoying the moment for several seconds. “Sorry for… coming to bring up those topics of conversation.”

“No, it's okay. I like to listen. And you tend to do that sometimes,” you shook your head over his shoulder trying to dispel the topic, Bucky's hands tightening around yours.

“What?”

“You suddenly talk about things you don't want to tell me too much about and then put a little light-hearted attitude on it so it doesn't sound so serious.”

Bucky lifted his head, causing you to move in time to meet his surprised expression as well. His lips were trying to twitch into a smile, but he didn't seem to know if he wanted to laugh or frown.

“Do I really do it that often?”

“A little, yes.”

“Ah, I'm pretty bad at dissembling I guess,” Bucky looked up, finally succumbing to the smile. The gesture satisfied you enough to delve into the emotion with him, taking a moment to further enjoy that scenario you could no longer be a part of lately; to enjoy those everyday moments where you could feel love materially spark around you, as if it was a novel written solely to satisfy human romantic desires and whims.

You shook your head, returning to the subject.

“But you don't have to worry about my supposed immortality. I know we'll live the same,” you assured him once more, your arms wrapping around his right arm and squeezing it securely, hugging him, trying to send him some of the confidence you felt inside.

“How are you so sure?”

The truth was, you weren't, but you couldn't let him know that, much less let him know that you didn't expect his life expectancy to be as extensive as yours was now either. But how were you going to tell him that? He must've been martyred enough by his own thoughts during every moment of the day when they drowned him, and it wasn't as if you expected too much of a life after him either. You could have immortality served on a silver platter, but what would be the point if you had to spend it on your own? Bucky was thinking about not wanting to leave you alone, and you were thinking about the impossibility of finding a reason to live after him.

“Because I know I don't want to live forever if I'm not with you.”

Bucky stopped his light, ghost-like caresses on your fingers. He turned his face to look at you, his nostalgic expression disappearing in a matter of seconds. His blue eyes looked contrite, as if there was a storm inside them. You had never hesitated in your answer, no matter when he had asked. And yet you seemed to have taken him by surprise; it seemed that such a thing would never have crossed his mind even by accident.

“Y/N…”

“I'd be living in vain. Stolen time,” you shook your head, averting your gaze from the depths of his, an unknown kind of longing or fear furrowing across his features that you couldn't bear to see a second longer. You were there at that moment and you would see each other again later, why did you have to think about it too much?

Bucky sighed. Only when you felt his body relax against your side did you know he understood that it would do no good for him to try to antagonize you.

“Still, you deserve a life like this. After all you've been through,” his voice was barely a whisper that tore through the silent chill that surrounded you, but the implication of his words furrowed against your chest like a dagger. You shook your head before the memories could reach you.

“We all deserve it, especially in this world consumed by the greed of power and hatred.”

You saw him nod out of the corner of your eye, his hands wrapping around one of your hands, the one closest to his side and bringing it up to his lips to kiss your knuckles. His eyes were fixed on your profile, you could feel it, but you were afraid to turn to look at him and allow your emotions to come out. You were too sweet to succumb to strong feelings when you were with Bucky.

“Hey!” was Steve's voice, like a beacon in the middle of the ocean, making you both turn at the same time. “Peggy's just leaving.”

“Want a ride, Barnes?”

“Ah, it would be my pleasure, Agent Carter.”

Peggy moved, after saying goodbye to Steve and you, and walked in the direction of the huge forest that stretched into the distance where she had parked her car. Or Howard's car, you couldn't quite make out through the darkness.

“See you later, Miss I-don't-want-to-live-forever,” Bucky approached you with a half smile, having said goodbye to Steve, meeting him halfway to melt you in his arms. The tension in your shoulders eased considerably, a sigh making its way into your chest.

“Take care, Bucky,” you squeezed his waist, because you weren't tall enough to reach his shoulders in a hug, and he squeezed you back in response.

“Sure thing. I got to see my girl again, after all.”

You laughed between the hollow of his neck and shoulder, feeling your cheeks burn. Bucky broke away just barely to look at you with his own huge grin.

“Don't overdo it, Barnes.”

“Come on!” Peggy insisted, glancing at the watch on her wrist.

You broke away from Bucky, trying to push him to get into the car with his affianced friend, but he had other plans. In the midst of your struggle to push him away, he grabbed one of your wrists, using very little force to pull you close to his chest, his lips crashing against yours in a fleeting action, but not at all rough, barely a brush. Before you knew what happened he had already pulled away from you.

“When I get back, we have a lot to talk about.”

He never came back. He left in the next couple of days for the mission on the train and all you got back was a shattered Steve, his face dirty and sticky from all the tears he'd shed, his pleading eyes crystallizing on you the moment he had to tell you that Bucky had died. You could still remember how his voice cracked as he begged your forgiveness, repeating it over and over as if it would ease the burden he felt on his shoulders, the guilt for not being able to get him in time. You never blamed Steve for what happened, but it seemed like he did for a long time.

Reliving those memories was always a constant martyrdom. After Bucky's funeral you didn't think you could move on, but carrying all his pain in a sack of rocks, Steve assured you that they would avenge the reason Bucky had died. HYDRA. So you did and were able to carry on for a while until Steve was also declared KIA.

Peggy and Howard were a great help when you realized that you couldn't die on your own, because you healed faster than normal and could spend more time than humanly possible underwater. To say that you didn't try to leave the earthly world would be a lie, but your friends tried to help you in every way they could until you had to leave the United States. When you thought you would have to spend years hiding in Europe, Howard told you that wasn't necessary. Just staying under the radar and out of the feds' jurisdiction would be fine and he would take care of it. And one day, after spending a week in the apartment you were renting without getting out of bed for almost any reason, a knock on the door startled you.

“Correspondence,” rang through the silence of the apartment.

You only got up because you knew the mailman was wrong. You had given your address to absolutely no one and there was no way any person knew of your existence in that country. You thought you took pity on the man, when he handed you the letter and it did indeed have your name on it.

It was an acceptance letter from some university. Apparently you had enrolled to study mathematics.

You had a suspicion of what was going on, but something in your chest asked you to ignore it. The letter asked for an interview before classes started in exactly three days, and after that interview you received a letter from Peggy.

When Howard died you knew you couldn't go back to Europe. Largely because you had to find out who his killer was, but also because you wanted to watch over Peggy's life as you couldn't do for your other three friends. You were often terrified for your friend's life, especially having the job she had and dealing with all those powerful people who wouldn't hesitate for the blink of an eye to order her death.

Steve was right. You stayed with Peggy to investigate Howard's death. But you also stayed because she was the only thing you had left and you had to take care of her; you had to preserve her, to do everything you could to prevent another tragic and unnecessary death. You would've sacrificed anything in life just to allow Peggy to have the life she deserved. And so you did. You cared for her for many years, you were so attentive to her that her children called you aunt and then her grandchildren called you grandma; you were at all her family gatherings, giving gifts to her children at Christmas and celebrating each new year as you watched time pass through her eyes. Every January 1st you saw it as a win, a whole year in which so much sacrifice had been worth it.

Now… well, now everything was a bit more complicated.

Natasha had left the abandoned dam first after going over the plan one last time. You were supposed to go with Steve and Sam, even though Steve was reluctant to have you near the Winter Soldier again, as if you didn't have the same strength and agility as he did. Of course, his fear was rooted in something completely different than that, something he and Natasha had discovered with Zola.

“HYDRA spent years searching for you to recreate the super-soldier serum after the war. If not for the excellent work Peggy and Howard did, they probably would've found you more easily.”

Now, having such a palpable possibility of destroying HYDRA, you didn't think there was the slightest chance that they were still thinking about it, although Natasha stressed that it seemed to be that the soldier had two different missions when he found them in the middle of the city, one of them being that he was to keep you alive. Zhivoy, you recalled bitterly. Alive.

Steve didn't want to risk finding something else waiting for them when they reached the helicarriers, something that might lead you away from him. And yes, you understood his concern because it was the same one you'd felt for years and was more latent recently since Steve returned. But you weren't going to stand by like a fucking statue while they did all the work. You would take it upon yourself to destroy HYDRA completely and deprive them of any chance they might have to get close to Steve, you or Bucky again. Whatever you had to do, you'd do it.

“He's not the same,” you had told Steve, as you walked to the Triskelion in the company of Sam and Maria.

“But he'll remember us,” Steve assured, his hand tightly gripping the strap with which he held the shield. Steve had been repeating that to himself all day, even in front of Sam. You couldn't believe you were the one trying to maintain an objective demeanor in that situation.

“Yeah, maybe at some point. But right now it's not him, Steve,” you turned to look at him, his face fixed on the expanse of water surrounding the large building he used to work for. “He's not the Bucky we knew.”

Steve looked back at you, pausing for a moment. You knew he was mindful of it, you knew Steve was aware of how dangerous he was now; that there was a good chance he really didn't remember them and you wanted to make sure that wouldn't cloud his judgment; that he would still fight for his life.

But the resolve in his eyes didn't convince you. His lack of response fanned a hollow in your chest, your hands breaking out in a cold sweat as you stared at the empty space he left in front of you.

Steve was willing to bring him back and you were afraid of losing him.

For some reason, you felt it had to be different.

You heard Steve's voice over the speakers, running so you could find the helicarriers exit before they took off. Steve and Sam were supposed to meet you halfway, but you were already halfway there, fighting off a few agents, and you still didn't hear them nearby. Your breath caught in your throat as one of the STRIKE agents grabbed you by the throat while another plunged an electric baton into your side, the sensation of volts coursing through your entire nervous system sending you into a momentary state of shock.

You dropped your hands to stop struggling with the agent behind you and grabbed the wrist holding the baton with an overly strong grip, snapping the bone in place and jerking your head to strike the face of the man behind you as his grip wobbled for a second. Both agents fell to the ground, two bones broken in less than a minute. You grabbed the baton before departing, hitting them both in the head barely using half your strength, knocking them unconscious instantly.

As you exited the Triskelion facility to meet the gap you would have to jump over to intercept the first helicarrier, you heard Steve and Sam's voices closer. Oh, right, you forgot to use the communicator.

“Where were you?” Steve exclaimed, running alongside Sam closer to the chasm.

“You've got blood on your neck,” Sam pointed out, before spreading his metal wings and flying off into the sky.

“Put on your communicator,” Steve asked you just before you both jumped at the same time, a feeling of emptiness planting itself in the pit of your stomach.

You landed with your legs bent and leaned forward for a spin before getting up and continuing to run alongside Steve. You rummaged in one of your pants pockets, praying that the small devices hadn't been shattered during the fights you had inside the Triskelion.

Only one was spared.

Steve barely sent you a reproachful glance, shaking his head, as you approached a horde of HYDRA agents. You barely finished putting the small communicator to your ear when the hail of bullets came in their direction. Steve grabbed your arm to pull you behind his shield until he managed to hide behind two large containers. The fight was immediate.

The group of agents split up and you jumped right in front of two of them, sliding on the ground to use the baton from below to disarm them. You knocked one of them out with the high volts of the baton and the other tried to stab you from behind, but you stopped his hand midway and flipped his arm over, a shriek of pain escaping him as his shoulder dislocated. The man fell to his knees and, lifting one leg, you half-turned to strike his face with your full tibia.

“Cap, I found the bad guys you were talking about,” you heard Sam's voice, noting that, although that communicator was working, the voice you perceived sounded distant.

“Are you okay?” you heard Steve, as he came closer and you stepped on the handle of the staff, lifting it in a single stroke so that it landed in your hand.

“Not dead yet.”

Steve nodded, though he knew Sam couldn't see him and gave you a questioning look.

“Works?” he pointed to your ear, starting to pace.

“A little bruised, but does the job.”

Your friend shook his head, starting to run inside the helicarrier.

“Cap?” you smirked.

“Don't start,” the blond spoke through his teeth, moving toward his target. “Report location.”

You nodded in his direction, heading for the first agents who appeared to obstruct his path, clearing Steve's way in the direction of the helicarrier hub.

When you were done with the agents and Steve was finally able to enter the control center, you turned your attention to the voices ringing through the communicator.

“Ah, shit,” was Sam's voice, and the next thing you heard was gunfire around the helicarrier next to it.

“Fine, but you're going with me. I don't want to let you out of my sight,” Steve had said a few hours before they left the dam, leaving no room for argument in his haughty voice.

“That's unnecessary, Steve. We'd waste too much time,” you shook your head, trying to match his stoic, stern expression.

“She's right,” Maria nodded in your direction. “There are three helicarriers and three of you.”

“No,” Steve began to rise, your eyes following the movement of his body and his blue eyes fixed on yours. “Fury delegated orders to me, and that's an order.”

You indulged Steve until you lost sight of him, understanding he had said that out of pent-up fear. You grabbed one of the weapons that had been left on the ground and passed the strap over your head. The third helicarrier was a considerable distance away at a jump. You had to pick up too much speed to even make it to the tip, but you weren't going to stand there waiting for Steve when you could be doing something more; something necessary.

So that's what you did. Steve still hadn't reported state when you started running from tip to tip, your steps getting bigger with every second until you reached the gap and picked up momentum at the tip. That was insane. You felt the emptiness in your stomach again and out of the corner of your eye you could see a couple of explosions occurring in the harbor where the helicarriers had departed from. You stretched your arms out, counting on having propelled your body far enough, fearing a deadly fall as the other edge began to look higher and higher.

“Y/N, status,” you heard Hill, your heart in your mouth.

Your mind went blank for a second, when in the midst of the adrenaline you almost didn't even feel the moment when your left hand gripped the edge of the helicarrier tightly, the aircraft moving a little farther with each passing second. You had jumped at just the right moment.

Breathing hard, you propelled yourself upward until you could plant your feet back on the runway floor and replied to Maria, “Waiting.”

Steve must've thought you were still on the helicarrier with him.

As you ran, Sam reported that he had intercepted the second helicarrier after Steve, barely recognizing their voices amidst the tussle you were having with the agents who had appeared before you could reach the control room door.

“Y/N, where are you?” the voice of Steve came over the comm, a few minutes after you took down the last agent, moving in the direction of the metal door. You felt heavily for the programming card you had taken from Steve when he had pulled you close to get behind his shield, as you heard him ask Sam if he could see you.

You were about to reach the door when the scenery abruptly changed, a body appearing out of nowhere colliding into your left side sending you crashing to the ground hard.

“Shit.”

“Y/N?”

You ignored Steve's voice, moving to push off the heavy body on top of yours. Amidst the struggle you crawled away across the floor, a hand clutching at your ankle before you could move any further.

You recognized him by the coldness that ran through your body at the contact. You could almost be sure it had burned you.

This time he wasn't wearing the mask, those blue eyes boring deep into your head, the angry expression very different from how you had seen him last time. Although you would've liked to stay longer just watching, after spending so many years suffering his death, you pulled the leg he had held captive and tried to hit him in the face, his metal arm moving faster neutralizing the hit.

At that moment you stood up arching your back, planting your feet hard and running towards the soldier before he could catch you off guard.

You tried to strike his face, but he nimbly dodged every blow, just as you dodged his. He let out a grunt of frustration as you sent him to the ground with a kick to the chest, pulling a weapon from his side that he didn't hesitate a second to point in your direction. Feeling the air caught in your throat, you moved quickly on the ground, trying to escape his bullets while managing to find a place to hide.

You heard his footsteps approaching, as you hid behind a container, stopping just on the other side, and you moved to the right side of the container when you knew he was going to jump out and surprise you from above.

His body froze for a second, which you took advantage of to jump over the dumpster and grab him from behind, the baton you had on your belt wrapped around his neck, cutting off his breathing. You tried to hold him tight as he tried to push away your grip with his metal arm, almost as strong as your push to keep him in place.

The soldier began to slow his movements, but if you hadn't been so torn between he's the Winter Soldier and he's Bucky, you would've noticed one of his hands move over his vest, grabbing the handle of a knife and burying it in your right leg hard, all the way in, causing you to gasp.

Clearly your grip wobbled, the soldier taking possession of your staff and turning around as he pulled the blade out of your leg to direct his foot towards your chest, pushing you back to the ground where you fell with a loud thud.

The wound was deep. You could feel and hear the blood pouring out of it, but you didn't just stand there as you saw him leap down from the container, raising his arms to parry his attack as he directed the knife towards your face. His face contorted and scrunched up in concentration was all you could focus on, remembering that you couldn't let him win, but you also couldn't hurt him like he wanted to hurt you. You had to be objective, yes, but the thought of hurting him once more was heartbreaking.

You struggled with his hand until he let go of the knife, using your strength and trying to ignore the sharp pain in your leg from the effort to push him to the ground beside you with your hand on his neck and your leg around his waist, lying on top of him with one leg on each side.

At that moment, as you tried to keep your arm over his neck and he tried to weaken you by hitting your sides, you heard Steve and Sam's voices again. A small panic ran through your body which was enough for the soldier to push your arm away, grabbing you by the neck with his metal arm and bringing a gun close to your face as he rose up, taking you with him, until he slammed you into a wall with great force.

You raised your hand between your bodies to move the tip of the gun, the shot falling a short distance above your head, your exorbitant eyes watching his furious expression. His metal hand closed tighter and tighter around your neck, your breath hitching, but you didn't relinquish your grip on the hand still holding the gun.

In the midst of the struggle, you brought your knee up to strike his crotch. The soldier jerked away, a whimper dying in his mouth as you moved toward him again, pushing his arm away as he pointed the gun at you again and the shot landed somewhere behind you again.

You hit him in the face with your own head, one of your hands holding his right arm with the gun and the other trying to keep his metal arm that held the knife dripping with your blood at bay. You hit him full in the nose again, but even though the blood was starting to drip down, the soldier didn't budge one bit.

“Go!” you shouted to Steve and Sam, the soldier averting his attention for a tiny moment before struggling against your grip again.

You had to break free somehow to get the card to Steve. Your body began to give way with the soldier's thrust, your boots sliding on the floor like it was marble. The soldier began to close his arms and you tried to match his strength, but the blood leaking from the wound in your leg was slowly weakening you. And it was a vibranium knife again.

Suddenly you noticed Steve running towards you, the fleeting glance costing you restraint, as the soldier raised your arms and turned you roughly, his back crashing against your chest and his metal hand burying in your chest the knife hard, moving it from side to side as he did that cold night in Siberia.

In the midst of the pain and weakness from the blood loss, you laid your head on his shoulder, the adrenaline slowly draining from your body.

“Bucky,” you whispered like a prayer, your strangled voice barely making its way out of your mouth and the soldier tensing behind you. The struggling stopped for a second.

Then his body heat disappeared. Steve must've reached and tackled the soldier without missing a beat.

“Hey, hey,” you heard Sam approaching you, kneeling beside you and taking your hand that wanted to pull the knife out of your chest. Right through the center, near the heart. That pain was no match for the disappointment that was tearing you apart inside. Maybe that time you could actually die. “Don't touch that.”

“Give the card to Steve…” you barely muttered breathlessly, one of your hands moving to pull the card out of one of your lower pants pockets. “Run.”

Sam hesitated for a few seconds, looking between your knife and the fight that was still picking up steam in the background, until he clicked his tongue and stood up.

“Don't take that knife out!”

You saw him run in the direction of Steve and the soldier, his metal wings rising in the midst of the struggle. Steve and Sam began to get the upper hand, and at some point, Steve took off in the direction of the helicarrier control center.

You dropped to the ground, watching helplessly as the soldier overpowered Sam, dislodging his wings with the force of his metal arm. The pain was too much, but Sam was completely helpless. No matter how much training he might've had, fighting the Winter Soldier was disproportionate.

So in a matter of seconds you stood up, grasping between gasps the handle of the knife and pulling it out of your chest without a second thought.

The electric current of pain that coursed through your body was unbearable, feeling as if the hollowness you constantly felt in your chest from emotions had suddenly materialized, a constant pang that coursed through you from head to toe at every microsecond, with every movement. Sam didn't even have time to react when you grabbed the soldier by the throat, burying the knife in his leg and trying to wave him off.

You could consider yourself well served if at that moment that was your death.

The soldier grabbed the arm around your neck and leaned forward, lifting you up and flipping you over onto your back, falling hard and painfully to the ground. You looked at the knife in his leg before looking at his face again. He had a couple of cuts, his expression still angry, but he seemed to hesitate as he pulled the knife out like it was nothing and watched you lying on the ground, completely at his mercy.

His hesitation brought unease to your chest.

“Bucky,” you called again, tears welling in your eyes.

The soldier only frowned, his anger momentarily fading until he seemed to remember something.

He turned to look at the control center. Before running off, he sent you another disgruntled look, just like that time on the road.

Whatever had happened after that, death or not, was extremely painful.

tag: @samodivaa @rubyxx16

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aniesvision · 1 month

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𝘯𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘥 (𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰 𝘹 𝘧! 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳)

warnings: suggestive, implied sex, that's all I guess (tell me if I'm missing something)

a/n: hi! I'm posting this again because I wanted a new account just to post my fics and not just another blog with my main account (I don't know how to explain it but yeah) also, english is NOT my first language so if anything's wrong please correct me!!

synopsis: Chris accidentally sees his best friend naked.

🪻🪻🪻

One thing I hate about getting ready at the Sturniolo's house is how bad they are in keeping things organized. And I don't mean clothes or anything like that, I mean they just don't say what they're gonna do next and that leads to me being naked on Chris's bathroom without knowing that he has no idea that I am here.

And, of course, he just opened the door.

-Shit, I'm sorry. -He apologizes, quickly closing the door and leaving me alone, paralyzed and speechless.

I close my eyes, trying to forget the embarrassing moment, putting on my outfit. It takes me a few minutes to get over it and finally leave the bathroom, the sound of the door being opened making Chris look up at me.

His cheeks were red, and probably so were mine. My first action was to adjust my skirt and giggle out of nervousness, my eyes now glued to my shoes.

-You can use the bathroom now. -I say, cutting the silence.

He just nods, making his way to his bathroom and locking himself inside. I sigh, annoyed with the situation, making my way to Nick's room to do my makeup and finish the final touches.

After making sure I was ready, I decided on waiting for them on the living room. We have a birthday party to attend, all of us being friends with the person for a long time, witch is why we decided on getting ready and going together.

I was mindlessly scrolling through TikTok when I feel someone sitting next to me. I look to my side, seeing a guilty Chris.

-I'm really sorry for earlier. -He runs a hand through his hair nervously and I give him a small understanding smile.

Even though I was nervous and embarrassed too, I didn't want to make things weirder, and it was so fast he'll probably forget about it by tomorrow anyways.

-It's fine. -I breath out, turning my head back to my phone.

We stay a few more seconds in silence, my brain just now processing that one of my closest friends saw me naked, and I couldn't help myself from joking about it.

-Hey, at least you've finally got the chance to see a girl naked, right? -I tease, nudging his shoulder playfully.

Chris rolls his eyes with a smirk on his lips, my laughter making him laugh as well.

-Shut up, whatever. -He mumbles, resting his head on the headboard of the couch.

Nick and Matt finally got ready and we all get into the car, hearing Chris yap all the way to the party. It doesn't take long for us to get there, and it was even faster for us to separate and move different ways. I walk to the bar, ordering a drink and taking a few sips before exploring the party.

I find my friends after a while, sticking with them and hearing them gossip about random people. When I feel the alcohol kicking in and making me less shy, I drag them to the dance floor with me, moving my body along the beat.

Unfortunately, I didn't have much time to enjoy it, since I've been dragged out of the saloon where the party was happening and trapped by a wall nearby, my eyes slowly recognizing Chris.

-What the fuck, I almost had a heart attack. -I raise one hand to my chest, taking deep breaths and looking around, confused on why we were here and why he wasn't saying anything at all.

-Okay, are you gonna explain or...? -I ask, looking at him.

He looked like he was fighting a battle in his head, not knowing exactly what to say, probably dragging me here with him by some sort of impulse.

-I... I don't know, I just... -He shakes his head, taking one step back.

-Are you okay? -I ask, tilting my head slightly, trying to figure out what was happening.

-I'm fine, I just... I think... -He hesitates, sighning and looking around nervously before making eye contact again. -You look pretty.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, giggling with his random compliment.

-Thanks, you look good too. -I smile, messing with his hair a little bit.

-No, I mean, I think you're really pretty. -He tries to explain, but it only makes me even more confused.

Chris notices my confusion and he starts tapping his feet rapidly, a bit anxious with what he was going to confess.

-I mean, I think your body looks great. -He says, making me laugh.

-Oh, so you think I'm hot? -I tease, his cheeks blushing.

-Alright, yeah, sure, you're hot.

We stay in silence for a few seconds, my smile never dropping as I studied him.

-You dragged me out of the party just to say that you think I'm hot? -I ask, crossing my arms over my chest, the cool breeze making me shiver.

-Not exactly. -He steps closer again, gently rubbing his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm.

-What else then? -I ask, seeing a small smirk on his lips.

-I think I want to kiss you. -He whispers, his eyes immediately dropping to my lips.

-What's stopping you from doing it? -I wrap my arms around his neck, his hands moving to my waist and squeezing it lightly.

-I don't want you to think I only want this because of what happened. I've been craving to kiss you for so long.

His words caught me by surprise, I've never noticed he wanted to kiss me. My only response was pulling him closer, showing him it was alright to do it. And he did. Our lips meet in a sweet kiss, that turns quickly into a heated and passionate one. His hands exploring my sides before stopping by my ass and squeezing it.

We were now just fully making out, but sadly we heard the door cracking open, making us separate. It wasn't the best place or moment to even think about anything that happened, so we walk into the party again.

Me and Chris didn't stop flirting with each other all night, but we didn't want to tell anyone about it, so it stayed in between us.

And now, a few months later, it's still our secret, but since that night we do a lot more than just kissing.

#sturniolo imagine #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #fanfic #romance #youtube

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tiredfuxkingboy · 2 months

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i never told anyone about this, i just want to vent, sorry for the spelling mistakes cuz english isn't my first language..

can someone tell me what they think about this please?? idk

when i turned 13, my older sister started to cut herself. We were on quarantine, 2021, so we were home all day everyday.

so, in 2021 she started to cut herself, and she made me know it. I always saw the cuts in her legs because her shorts were too short or things like that..

She used to put her razon inside her phone case, and sometimes i threw to the trash other razors she had, trying to make her stop or something, but then she would go to me and look at me badly and complain to me without saying what it was but telling me things like "you did it" or things like that.

That year i started cutting myself too, I really wanted to die. The second or third time I did it with a cutter that I found somewhere. When I came out of the bathroom after cutting myself, my older sister said "welcome" to me smiling, like making fun of me or i don't know.. it was so surreal. I guess she saw that the cutter wasn't where it always was, so she assumed i was cutting myself and she was right. But I don't understand why she would tell me that, I would never do something like that, especially if I had a younger sibling, , it just doesn't makes sense

One time she took a new cutter from a box somewhere in my house, she put it in his pocket and started telling me that she was going to swallow one of the razors of the cutter, that she was going to kill herself with the other, and I don't know what else, she said that to me jokingly as if it was funny. it was so horrible.. one time she called me to bring her a shampoo upstairs and when i opened the door she grabbed the shampoo from my hand with her uncovered arm full of cuts. Showing them to me.. then she closed the door and i went downstairs to cry and whatever. So much more things like that happened.

That whole year I tried to have the courage to tell my parents that my older sister was self-harming, but I never could, I never had the courage. All year I saw how she went into the bathroom for a long time, cutting herself, and then she came out looking depressed. I almost always knew when she cut herself and i couldn't do anything, i didn't know what to do, i literally couldn't do anything, i didn't know how to do it. How to help, nothing. I wanted to do something and i never could.

That year i tried to kill myself many times, and none of them worked. Other mental problems appeared that year, such as DID and others, and I had hallucinations almost every day. i used to cry every day, i cried when I woke up because I didn't want to live, i used to overdose with pills a lot, i felt anxious every day without stopping for a single second. Also in 2022, less than a year later, I couldn't remember when it had happened or how much time it happened, everything had been blocked due to the trauma and it was so horrible. To this day I still have those problems

My older sister stopped cutting herself at the end of 2021 because my mom found out she self-harmed, so she had to stop. When my mom found of she was doing that, she made everyone worry about her and told me that we had to help her, but she never cared about me in the same way, but whatever

I'm really happy that she stopped cutting herself, but I still can't stop self-harming and I'm covered with scars over both my arms and legs, scars way much worse than the only ones my older sister has. and no one cares to make me stop, everyone knows and it's like no one cares.

But whatever, I hate myself too much for this and I will never forgive myself for what i did. I hate myself so much and I hate my 13 year old self so much for being so fucking stupid and useless, i can't get this out of my head

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lu-lus-duckies · 3 months

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Hi, here's about me and some questions you might have!

Updated: april 26th 2024

MINORS DNI please

Important!! Please don't use real money to do things for me in any capacity. It makes me uneasy, uncomfortable and puts a lot of pressure on me. Thank you for your understanding <3 also Important: I can not and will not take anything seriously, if you want to say something serious to me, send me a DM, I'm more likely to respond seriously there

Who are you?

@ nunalastor's emotional support white boy™

People just call me lulu on here. I'm 20 and go by any pronouns. AFAB (and cis). my gender is whatever makes you gay. somewhere on the ace spectrum.

Also CEO of forcing people to get some fucking sleep!

important note: I respond in the horniest ways to @ nunalastorscursedkitten, but they have explicitly stated they don't want sexual stuff directed towards them without their consent. I have confirmed that they are okay with me responding in a horny way and you should make sure before doing it too

tags (will not sort these out at all):

lulu is delulu - my posts babygirl anon fest - asks specifically from babygirl revoke lulu's art license - my art stuff nunwhiskers - the ship of nunalastor x huskers-bar lulu is feral - reblogs where I am feral lulus nun reblogs - I just tend to reblog everything of nunalastors so it's a tag now lulu reblogs - art/theories/incorrect quotes ect lulu convos - me interracting with peeps here lulu crooks - going into detail about things i shouldn't be going into detail of. (maybe infodumping) cursed polycule - me and the 100+ husbands/wives interracting (xxx-angie list in their pinned) lulu asks - me answering asks this is a nunalastor simp blog - anytime I openly bark for nunalastor lulu lore - me accidentally dropping irl lulu lore lulu fun facts - exactly what it says lulu polls - polls lulu is a boomer - me not knowing basic pop culture things cuz I live under a rock lulu loves nunalastorscursedkitten / and paincaat too / lulu loves paincaat / and nunalastorscursedkitten too - my interractions with @ paincaat / @ nunalastorscursedkitten lulu loves getting called slurs - me getting called the f-word lulu infodumps - infodumps about stuff that might not always be hazbin hotel fools being sexy - @ the-aprilfools-bitch tag

who is safe here?

everyone except minors. I don't judge. This is a safe space regardless of race, gender, sexuality or anything else. Be as cringe/not cringe as you want

What is this blog?

Used to be a hazbin blog, now turned to me simping for daddy nunalastor and interracting with the cursed polycule

What can I ask or share with you?

Literally anything you want to share, no limits. I respond to everything, even hate so if I haven't responded I'm either asleep or the message didn't appear in my inbox.

One thing I don't respond to is chain sends cuz I can't be bothered with that shit. Anything else is a yes

What's with the bad English?

English is my second language. I pride myself on being able to read it fluently, but I might have problems with talking in a way that flows naturally to native speakers. So sorry bout that

What time are you active?

Honestly, all over the place. Don't look too much into it, but I'm from the country of Georgia if that helps

Can I use your ideas?

Absolutely! You don't even need to ask. I won't say this is a necessity, but If you decide to use them, I'd love it if you'd tag me. I love seeing all kinds of things people make and I'd love to see yours too!

Why are you so unhinged and sexual? Aren't you ace?

Asexuals aren't all sex-repulssed and can enjoy it too. I am uncomfy with the act of sex but I love joking and shitting about it. Me saying something is hot/sexy/makes my dick hard is just me saying "I love this and i think it's cool" when that isn't enough to express my love. (I think I'm being funny)

Is the art on nunalastor's blog you sometimes repost yours?

Yes, the art posted on their asks by mylz-flick is by me. It's my primary blog and i don't use it for anything so all my asks are submitted through there

Why don't you post as often anymore?

Because all my posts go straight to nunalastor's blog. Go check them out, it's great

By nunalastor s request:

Who hurt you?

Nunalastor did when they rizzed up my mom

What's with the worms? That's disgusting

Well, nunalastor made this post and it turned me on a little ngl

What is the cursed polycule?

Well, I spontaneously decided that my go to funny (not funny) joke would be to start asking everyone who agreed with me or had similar tastes to kiss me. Long story short, now I'm a whore™ with 100+ husbands that I can't keep track of and that's the cursed polycule

Why do you keep calling nunalastor daddy?

Many reasons. First, Nunalastor saying they would fuck my mom in the DMs when I told them about her. So naturally, if my mom and nunalastor got married they would be the dad hence, daddy. Also, nunalastor is unapologetically my favourite blog on here and the title "daddy" is reserved for them. Also their word is law to me and they deserve the respectful title

The way you interract with minors is disgusting

I have minors please don't interract in my bio for a reason. I expect a decent human being to see that and kindly leave my blog. I don't check who I'm responding to most of the time so I probably didn't even notice it was a minor. I'm just trying to be fun.

If you are a minor and I responded/reblogged your art or post with some batshit crazy shenanigans like I do with everyone, send me a DM and I'll delete it. I'd rather it be in the DMs instead of out in public because out here I have people acting like they hate me and I don't want to accidentally take something that's meant to be a serious request to stop like a joke.

What's with that one pregnant anon stuff at nunalastors blog?

Listen, I don't care what shit people send me, but if you even dare harm, harass or just in general be an asshole to the ones I consider nice people, I will not take that lightly.

To everyone: if you get haters, tag me so I can draw them pregnant.

Is the cursed polycule an actual relationship or just a joke?

It's just a joke between us.

Can I join the polycule?

Daddy has revoked my marriage license so you'll have to consult with the other members. I take what daddy demands very seriously

You can however, talk to the other members of the polycule and join. We could also have a platonic relationship going on in the polycule if you want

What is up with you and pronouns?

Sorry, in my native language there are no gendered pronouns. We just have a singular he/she/they for everyone. I use he/him for me (despite being a woman) because it's what rolls off the tongue easier for me. For everyone else I use they/them because you can never go wrong with neutral.

Are you actually attracted to nunalastor?

Honestly, the only time I've experienced attraction (i think? Still unsure if it was that) was with one girl at my uni and the feeling I have for nunalastor is very similar. It's not the exact kinda feeling but I have a very strong desire to make them proud. Not sure exactly what it is but no, I don't want to actually fuck them and I don't want to kiss them either. That seems gross. I do however wanna hold their hand and recieve headpats from them. Idk just know me as the nunalastor simp, that's easier to explain.

(and yes both mods)

Why do you keep mentioning nunalastor calling you the f-word?

Because I genuinely /gen /srs loved it. This isn't a joke. It made me overstimmed and honestly was a little overwhelmed with giddiness. keep in mind though, that while I enjoy getting called the slur, I will not be calling anyone that because that makes me uncomfy.

why haven't you responded to my reblog/comment/ask?

I generally respond to everyone I can. but either it was

lost in my notifs

was posted by a minor and I don't want to attract minors here

If it was on a reblog of something, I assumed it was meant for op

I just couldn't think of anything to respond with (which is rare)

feel free to let me know if it was either 1 or 3 but I won't respond to minors

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wonderland-smile-stories · 4 months

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~ Chapter 6. 04 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

I can't really remember when I fell asleep. Hyun-su and I talked for a long time, but I guess I was too tired to stay awake.

Maybe it was because the couch I was sitting on was soft and comfortable, which is totally the opposite of sleeping on the ground.

Usually, I would fight to stay awake because of the nightmares I had.

However, I didn't have one this time. For the first time in the few months I have lived here I had a peaceful sleep. I don't know how long I have slept, but when I woke up I felt less tired than before.

My eyes scanned the room seeing that we were still in the backroom. I almost jumped up when I felt something move underneath my head. I turned around quickly realizing I was lying on Hyun-su's lap with my head. I definitely don't remember falling asleep like this.

My eyes snapped to my waist when I felt some weight on it. A burning sensation quickly rises to my cheek when I notice Hyun-su's hand lying on it securely. Biting the inside of my cheek I look back up at him.

I was debating whether to wake him up, but then I remembered that he was exhausted and needed a good sleep. It looked like he was getting it.

His chest was rising up and down peacefully, while he lay with his head against the wall. It surprised me that nobody had come looking for me or to take over guard duty.

They either don't care or it hasn't been a long time since I was here. Maybe it was best to get up and go outside. I just know that they would react crazy if they saw me here inside.

Carefully I took Hyun-su's hand placing it on the seat before slowly lifting myself up from his lap. Finally standing up, I turned around to look at the sleeping boy.

A small smile came to my lips when I saw how peaceful and relaxed he was right now. I took the first aid kit from the ground before silently walking to the door. It was a hasel to open it without making a lot of noise, but I succeeded in not waking him while doing so.

Taking the lock and key I pause for a second looking at it. This still felt wrong. I should be in there as well. I hate that Eun-hyuk makes me keep it a secret.

Shaking my head I put the lock on it clicking it shut before walking away. This can't go on forever. What if more people turned and there were too many people to be locked up? For a moment I stop in my tracks when I hear people arguing behind the door.

It sounded like Eun-yu and Ji-su. Oh no this can only end badly. Swing the metal door open I saw Eun-hyuk was there as well. Maybe he can calm them down if I can't.

"You aren't even my real brother."

Ubruptly is stopped moving hearing her say that, but I didn't have time to fully think about it when a slapping sound echoed through the room.

Totally surprised and in shock I looked at the back Eun-hyuk after he just had slapped her. Quickly I shook the shock away and ran up to the two.

"Eun-hyuk!" I hist coming to a halt next to them.

A look of shame came on his face while trying to look at anything but his sister. Eun-yu looked right at him with so much hatred before speaking up.

"You're fucking unbelievable."

After that, she walked away not sparing any glance at us. I shook my head walking in front of him.

"For someone smart like you it surprises me that you stoop so low. You two should be happy that you still have each other. Some of us aren't as lucky as you two." A look of guilt washes over his face, but he doesn't speak.

Without looking at him again I turned around hoping to find Eun-yu somewhere. It honestly surprised me that he slapped her.

You would think Eun-yu would have done it a long time ago, but she has never laid her hands on him. Even if she was extremely angry.

It took me a while to find her, but when I did she was sitting against a wall at the entrance of the stairwell outside. Angrily she puffs out some smoke before angrily putting her cigarette back in her mouth and repeating the cycle.

Not saying a thing I took a seat on the opposite wall of her. I know if I would talk to her now she would just snap at me and build up those walls again, so it was better to let her calm down before I would open my mouth.

"He's a fucking idiot." She mutters out looking outside.

"I can't argue you with that," I said pulling my knees to my chest and leaning on it with my arms and chin.

"I hate him." I poke the inside of my cheek knowing she now hates him, but deep down she doesn't.

"I know," I whisper looking down.

A scoft left her lips at my answer.

"You're not going to tell me I'm wrong?"

I look up meeting her gaze shaking my head.

"Why would I? If you feel like that now. I can't tell you what you should be feeling."

Through squint eyes, she stared at me before shaking her head.

"I hate it! I hate everything that has happened in the past! Why did I have to beg and whine so that they would come to my ballet?! Why did they have to facking die?! Why did they have to adopt me!? I'm a horrible person! Ugh, why?!" She yelled out in frustration putting her hands in her hair after tosing her cigarette out.

"Eun-yu, you're not. You are just being you. The honest, not afraid to put people in their place, sarcastically, caring you. There is nothing horrible about that. If you were a horrible person you wouldn't have talked to me on the rooftop the first day we met. You were the first person in my life who treated me normally when we met." She pulled her hands away looking at me curiously.

I let out a sigh contemplating if I should tell this or not to her.

Fuck it.

"You're the first friend I have ever had in my life."

A shocked expression washes over her face.

"My upbringing wasn't like everyone else normally has."

I press my lips together looking down at the ground before continuing.

"I'm an orphan."

I was afraid to look up and see her reaction. She told me she was one, but I have never told her that I was one too. What if she is made that I kept it a secret?

Mustering up all my courage I moved my eyes up meeting hers eventually. She had her eyes focused on me, but I couldn't see if she was mad or anything really.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She eventually asks not taking her eyes off me.

I shrug my shoulders letting out a sigh.

"I didn't want you to be burdened with my problems when you had yours." Her eyes scanned me up and down before she leaned forward slapping one of my legs.

"Ow! What was that for!?" I asked her rubbing the spot she had hit.

"For thinking like that! God Mi-na! You can be so stubborn sometimes!" She rolled her eyes shaking her head.

"Sorry," I whisper with a small smile.

We were silent for a sec think about what we just had said before she spoke up again.

"But that's not all, isn't it?"

Pressing my lips together I shook my head.

"They weren't really the nicest people who ran the orphanage. I have seen a lot of bad and dark stuff in that place. I knew that at one point they wanted to get rid of me, so they sold me off to some man to get married. It came to a point that I just wanted out, so I ran when I was eighteen and could be free. I wanted to be as far as possible from that place. Just in case they would look for me"

"So you came here?" I nodded my head.

"I was so scared they would fine me even if I moved to a whole other continent." To be honest, I'm still scared, well I was until the whole ending of the world started.

They would be crazy if they still wanted to find me in this mess.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that stuff." I shrug my shoulders.

"It's fine. It's not like I knew something else than that life. I have been living there since I was a baby. Not having a memory of my parents may have helped having less pain. I have seen kids suffer while still remembering their birth parents. It wasn't pretty and I don't know if they would ever get over that." There were a lot of nights were new kids would cry for their parents. It was awful to hear to pain in their cries.

"You don't have anything from your parents?" She asked curious.

"My name and a book. When I was found I was wrapped in a blanket with a book. It was Bram Stoker's Dracula. One of the characters' names was Mina and in that book, the name was underlined or circled a bunch of times, so they guessed my name was that. But they just gave me a first name. I only got a last name when they made sure I wasn't claimed afterward and was sent to the orphanage, but the moment it ran away from there I changed my last name to Yun seeing I would come here. I almost changed my first name too, but I just kept it. Seeing it was the only thing I got from my birth parents." I lost that book a few years ago. Well, Miss Ward had taken it and I hadn't seen it sens then.

"Besides the horrible stuff that happened to you, I'm happy you moved here. It made living here more bearable." She put her hand out for me to take it with a small smile on her face.

"I'm happy too," I answer before grabbing it.

The moment my skin touched her a shock of pain shot through me. Somehow I knew that it was her pain.

"You're in pain," I mumble out looking her up and down trying to see if she was hurt.

She pulled her hand from mine looking shocked before her cold face came back.

"No, how would you even know that?" I shook my head trying to grab her hand again, but she pulled away out of my reach.

If I couldn't see an injury on her then it had to be her ankle. Before she could do something I grabbed her ankle and pulled her sock down. Her already injured ankle looked worse than it normally does.

"When did this happen?" I asked holding her back from pulling away from me.

She let out a groan when she saw that I wasn't going to let her go.

"It doesn't matter." I press my lips tightly together before carefully putting my fingers on the injured ankle.

'Take it.'

What?

'Take it, take the pain.'

I was so confused about what the voice meant, but for some reason, I knew what I needed to do.

I just thought about Eun-yu's injured ankle and the pain she was also in. Second later black veins appeared on the hand that was lying on her injury. I watch as it grows bigger quickly crawling up my arm underneath my sleeves.

The first thing I felt was cold, but it quickly changed to warmth the higher it got in my body. I could feel it spread through my veins, making my whole body warm.

I noticed that it gave me more energy. The feeling of tiredness and the ache of the headache I had been experiencing slowly went away.

"What the...." I snapped out of the trance when I heard Eun-yu mutter out loud.

Quickly I pulled my hand away scared she would run away or be scared of me.

"How.." She started but was cut off when Ji-su came running around the corner.

"Mi-na, we need you!"

I gave her a look of confusion, but that quickly vanished when she said the next words.

"It's Hyun-su. He's in trouble."

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

-------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I'm back. The issue with not being able to edit my draft from my phone is still not fixed, so I'm updating from my dad's computer. I have contacted Tumblr and they told me that they are still working on the problem, so from now on I'm going to post from a computer if I can get my hands on one ^^. Let's all hope everything will go smooth when I post this. Thanks for you guys patience!

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telomeke · 3 days

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TAG GAME – THIS OR THAT (BOOKS)

I was tagged by @colourme-feral (at this post here) and @neuroticbookworm (at this post here). Thank you sweeties! 🤗💖

I really should be doing something for work (deadlines are crashing all around me) so of course I'm going to do this tag game. 🤣 Helps that it's a short one.

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THIS OR THAT (BOOKS)

hardcover or paperback // PAPERBACK – they're just easier to handle. But I do try to get my cookbooks all in hardcover, because they last longer.

bookstore or library // BOTH. I love losing myself in a bookstore (one of my favorite memories is curling up in an armchair one chilly fall day in a secondhand bookstore in Ithaca, buried in an American-Chinese cookbook from the 60s that had very credible recipes). But libraries have great reference sections on all sorts of things (I found 100-year old Tamil-French and Tamil-English dictionaries in one, that were much better than the modern one Tamil-English one I’d bought).

bookmark or receipt // RECEIPT – I never seem to have bookmarks handy and I'm not going to make a special trip to buy one just because I'm reading a book. Especially not if a scrap of paper (envelopes, notepaper, receipts) conveniently at hand will do the job (and allow me to jot down notes too).

standalone or series // BOTH – I'll read anything and everything if it takes my fancy.

nonfiction or fiction // NONFICTION most of the time, but the odd work of fiction will also work its way in every now and then.

thriller or fantasy // FANTASY has the edge here, but I wouldn't turn down a good thriller if I was recommended one.

under 300 pages or over 300 pages // BOTH – I can do a long tome if the subject interests me. That said, Lord of the Rings was a trying read but I finished it anyway, if only to be able to say that I'd read it through.

children's or ya // Um, CHILDREN'S? This is an odd one for a grown-ass adult to answer. But as I said before I'll read anything if it piques my interest, so I wouldn't turn down a young adult novel if it was good. But I tend to think children's books are actually quite hard to craft and make interesting, and have a lot of respect for them. And a lot of my favorite works are children's books, so I'll lean toward the younger end on this one.

friends to lovers or enemies to lovers // I don't have a strong preference on this one. But I like enemies to lovers in BL, so maybe that…

read in bed or read on the couch // READ ON THE COUCH. Please. And I mean this as an injunction as well as a statement of my personal preference. The bed is only for sleep and… bed things. NOT reading for hours on end (a few pages at bedtime to wind down doesn't count; that's my second nightcap). Nor is the bed for food; crumbs and spillage, ugh. Any wonder I hate the idea of breakfast in bed? I repeat – for extended reading, go read on the couch.

read at night or read in the morning // BOTH – why restrict your reading time?

keep pristine or markup // KEEP PRISTINE – if I like a book I'll want to keep it enshrined and unbesmirched in the bookcase. I've bought new copies of favorite cookbooks that had started to look worse for wear, just because I wanted them looking unsullied on the shelf (but I didn't throw out the old working copies though; the stains and rips are evidence of how much they're loved and they have pride of place on my kitchen counter).

cracked spine or dog ear // NEITHER – I used to leave my books spine up and flat out, but stopped doing that years ago. And no to dog ears as well. Both go against the preceding guideline of keeping things pristine – if you liked the books, treat them well and you'll have the pleasure of their company for a long, long time.

Currently reading: Nothing in particular (unless you count a foreign language kid's book that I've been reading off and on, as part of language study with the English language counterpart by my side for reference). Most of my reading is done online nowadays, and it's focused on news articles and current affairs.

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I always tag too many people – it makes me feel so guilty leaving anyone out. I know only too well what it's like not to be invited to a party! And then I tag all and sundry even if it means making a nuisance of myself, if only to spare people that feeling of being on the outside looking in (that still haunts me way after my teen years). 😬

Anyway, sorry for unloading my teenage/young adult trauma on you! My last tag game post had dozens of tags, so I'm going to grit my teeth and tag only a few people in this one (whom I didn't tag the last time around). No pressure to play if you don't want to; and if you do want to play but I didn't tag you, please know that I would love to read your responses so do play along if you wish, and tag me so that I can read your post! 😍

Tagging:

@imminentinertia @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle @wen-kexing-apologist @ranchthoughts @ranchtastic

@starryalpacasstuff @7nessasaryevils @relativelydimensional @blogiamgoingmad

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Here's a clean-slate version if you'd like to play:

hardcover or paperback // bookstore or library // bookmark or receipt // standalone or series // nonfiction or fiction // thriller or fantasy // under 300 pages or over 300 pages // children's or ya // friends to lovers or enemies to lovers // read in bed or read on the couch // read at night or read in the morning // keep pristine or markup // cracked spine or dog ear

Currently reading:

#tag game #this or that #this or that (books)

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slvtrlv · 2 years

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~ SAY IT AGAIN ~

Summary: It was another useless quarrel, which did not end as usual.

Relationship: Rafael Barba x Female Reader.

Warning: NSFW, 18+ , English is not my native language (if you notice any mistake pls tell me), also idk Spanish (thanks google translate).

Words: 1064

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Perhaps I was no longer angry at him, but at the pressure from the bosses from work, and he had to bear it on himself every time.

But this time everything was much more complicated, besides problems at work, there was a problem that concerns him as well.

He is constantly working, and I no longer know what to do and how to make him pay attention to me.

It's the same thing every day: he comes home tired, and if he has enough strength, he has dinner and goes to bed, but there is another way of development - he falls into the home office and sits there all night, working on a new case.

- I'm already tired of the fact that you spend all your free time at work - trying to suppress anger, I say.

He walks around the kitchen table and comes at me like a predator at its prey.

- You know that this case is very important, and I can't just put it aside - trying to mitigate the situation, he replies.

But it's too late, I'm tired of it. The only thing I asked him to do was not to spend all his time at work. But who did I ask for it from? Of course, the most important jerk of the lawyer's organization - Rafael Barba.

He wasn't a jerk at all, but sometimes I wanted to hit him hard for his behavior.

But I couldn't, I fell too much in love with this hombre listo cubano.

- I hate you - I throw words at him caustically, without even having time to think about it before.

Standing very close to each other, I can feel his heated breath on my face.

- Say it again? - for a second I noticed how the fire in his eyes burned, but closing them and opening them again, his gaze dropped to my lips, I wanted to start talking, but his lips were falling on mine and I was drowning in his dominating again.

One hand holds my neck while the other slides around my waist. He deepens the kiss, tilting his head to the side, I let his tongue penetrate my mouth without holding back a moan of pleasure.

My hands slide over his big shoulders, while one of his hands lifts my leg, wrapping it around his hips. And now I can fully feel his arousal through the thin fabric of classic dark trousers.

Damn pants, too many clothes between us.

His thoughts were about the same thing, so unceremoniously removing his hand from my neck, he began to make his way to the place where I wanted him the most.

The last bite of my swollen lips, and now he attacks my neck, naturally leaving hickeys.

- Damn, you have no idea how much you la mierda mi cerebro - he exhales into my neck and runs his long fingers under my panties, starting immediately to drive circles around my clitor.

- Don't stop - bursts out of me.

I hear him chuckle, but before I can do anything, he penetrates me with his fingers and teasingly leads them inside and back.

- Did you think that I would allow myself to stop at the most beautiful moment? - grinning with his stupid lips that have driven me crazy more than once - Now that you've calmed down, let me show you how much I want to give you all my time.

He touched the most needed spot inside my pussy, and I can no longer restrain my moans, moving my hips in rhythm with his fingers. My hands go down to his belt and without any unnecessary words, I abruptly take it off and unbutton the fly on his trousers.

I stroke him through his boxers, and a growl escapes from his lips, which have already moved to my collarbones.

- Don't play with fire if you can't put it out, cariño - he breathes.

And now we both rub against each other's hands, giving not enough pleasure for both of us.

He takes his hand out of my pussy and licks me off his fingers.

This is the most teasing moment when he does this.

I look into his eyes, which show only excitement and the need to be inside me.

Picking me up with his strong hands to his lower back, he doesn't even worry about pushing my panties away, pulls down his boxers with pants to his knees and kissing me on the lips, he bursts into me.

A strong moan from the feeling of fullness escapes from me, which is why I cling to his back like a cat.

- Tan bueno, eres tan bueno para mí- he growls into my lips and his voice is much lower than usual.

- Rafi, please...- I beg him, and my lips attacks his vein on his neck.

His deep and sharp thrusts give me the opportunity to plunge into the pool of bliss.

And he is the only one who can give me such pleasure.

Just him.

He knows every part of my body, he knows at what moment his hands should massage my breasts and twist my nipples with his strong venous hands.

He knows at what angle his cock cuts into the g-spot delivering me in full ecstasy to the point of trembling in my body.

- Cum para mí- a barely audible voice echoes in my ear - I know that you are close, I feel it - my walls are squeezing his penis and I feel every vein on his dick.

- Oh, my God, Daddy, yes... - I shout, shaking from the wave of orgasm, at me.

- Eso es todo, baby - he exhales in a rough voice as his own orgasm covers him.

He shivers as much as I do, and leans his body against me, pressing me harder against the wall.

I run my fingers along his back, trying to relax his muscles. He is breathing heavily, trying to regain his breath.

Moving away from the wall and coming out of me, a squeak breaks from my lips.

His hands support my waist so that I don't fall.

I snuggle up to his strong chest and hug him even more tightly, burying my face in his neck.

- Did i hear you call me 'daddy'? - I don't even have to look up, I already know that a smirk is playing on his face.

- Who knows - I answer him, kissing his neck - Papí.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #Rafael barba x reader smut #rafael barba x female reader #svu fanfiction

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ashwhowrites · 2 years

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Hello! Could I request a Billy x f! reader that's mixed race with Mexican who looks white yet is curvy and curly haired? (I myself have green eyes yet; I'm Mexican) I don't really see much of my specific representation; so feel free to take this in whatever direction you want to :) Thank you so much!

- I am going to give this my best shot. If it's not what you wanted, please let me know so I can rewrite it. It's kinda short so I am sorry about that.

Billy Hargrove x mixed race reader!

Billy Hargrove didn't warm up to people. He hated everyone in Hawkins. The second he was old enough, he left that boy behind. He went back to the one place he had ever felt free—California.

The smell of the beach, the sand in his toes, the wind blowing through his curls He feels free. California was where he needed to be.

But old habits die slowly, and he still hates people, glaring at anyone who tried to walk up to him.

He only talks to girls for a quick fuck, then he's gone, back to his apartment where he gets to be alone.

So to his surprise, a girl with sparkling green eyes and curly hair—even more than his own—came up. He felt the need to introduce himself. Never once as Billy Hargrove wanted to introduce himself, but something about her had him intrigued.

After that day, the rest was history. They started talking every day, meeting at the same spot on the beach. He felt weird admitting to himself that he had made an actual friend. even more shocked that it was a girl friend. He can't deny that he finds her extremely attractive. Something about her green eyes had him in a trance. But he felt like this girl was more special than a one-night stand, so he wanted to try not to ruin it.

As months went by, they began to get closer. He liked that she didn't know Billy's past. She doesn't expect certain things from him since she never knew who he used to be. He liked that she was able to start falling for this new Billy.

Because old Billy would run the second he felt real feelings for a girl, he would hide, but this new Billy had his feet planted in the sand and a real smile pasted on his lips. And before he knew, that girl became his girlfriend.

They have been together for a year, and today they plan to celebrate their anniversary with a home cooked meal. Billy wasn't used to being loved so he awkwardly followed her around the store, a blush on his cheeks ever since she brought up cooking dinner for him.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a small lady. She was speaking another language and very fast.

"I'm sorry, I only speak English." He tried to say but the lady kept talking. Eddie huffed and tried again.

"she's telling you that you are a very handsome young man." Billy looked over to his girlfriend in shock.

"wait you speak whatever she's speaking?" She laughed.

"it's Spanish and yes. I come from a Mexican family."

The older lady left the couple and Billy was still confused.

"but you're white." He cringed at how that came out but she laughed it off again.

"I look white but I'm not. Now come on lover boy. It's time to make dinner."

He smirked as he walked behind her, leaning closer up to her ear, "that explains the curves."

#billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove #billy hargrove request

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neptunes09 · 2 years

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Fool for You -> Stephen Strange

-> Ch 1. My hatred towards you Pairing: Stephen Strange x Fem!Reader

Word count: idk

Warining : Blood core, Jealousy, Hatred, Strong Languages are used.

a/n : This is a sad story yet there will be a part 2 somehow? ENJOY Ps. I love drama so my series wil be very dramatic ;) I'm pretty new in these kind of stuff. Tips are always welcome and please be kind. I'm not fluent in English so something might not like be right or smth

Summary : After you witnessed Stephen's confession to Christine in the other universe you couldn't help but feel angry and hurt ,blinded by angry. You're anger turned into hatred and started hating him.

___________________________________

You sat outside meditating trying you're best to calm down but that scene kept on playing over and over until you know every line, You bit your bottom lip trying your best not to start crying but failed. Before you were floating and now you were on the cold floor crying.

I Love you...

I love you in every universe

You groaned loudly at that thought and without a thought, you slammed your fist to the cold floor over and over again while blood started to drip from your knuckles, You hoped no one was there to witness the scene but unlucky you someone did see and you wished it wasn't that person.

" Y/n! Y/n! Stop" His voice ringed through your eyes making things worse, His arms wrapped around you're body stopping you from hitting the floor again "Let me go!" You yelled " Y/n, You're bleeding," He said, You finally escaped his embrace staring at his beautiful Green-Blue-ish eyes, You're breathing was a mess, You just looked a mess.

"I don't care" You slightly yelled, You were angry cause why did he choose Christine over you. You were always there, even when he was sad over Christine and you comforted him, You and him were close until you heard his confession.

He sightly flinched, you never yell at him nor were ever angry at him " I just want help-" "I don't NEED help, I can take care of myself. Thank you very much but I would recommend you leave." you said honestly, Maybe you turned to mean and didn't give a reason. But what gives.

You couldn't care. It was a bad way to cope but it worked, Instead of loving him, you hated him, Toxic but worked? You were just blinded by anger and hurt like you never felt that kind of hurt when Loki died, Your first-ever lover. All you could was be angry get hurt or be the second choice or be an alcoholic like you're dad but you refuse that thought. There are so many ways to handle this heartbreak but you decide to be angry instead and let sadness turn into anger.

Stephen stared at you not wanting to believe what you said: " Are you mad at me?" he asked, and you scoffed "No" Lair.

" Then let me take care of you're knuckles, it could get infected," he said stepping closer but you just backed up "No"

"What"

"I said no."

You were being stubborn and you know he just cared about you and he's just doing what a friend would do.

" Y/n, Don't be stubborn," He said sternly " I'm being Stubborn, yeah right says the guy who's more stubborn than me" You huffed before you could turn around he grabbed your wrist " What's wrong with you? Did I do something wrong?" He asked, You felt guilty but you were too blinded " Let me go." you growled " not till you tell me why, did I do something wrong? Did I upset you?" You groaned " Just let me go!"

"Tell me"

" FINE! You upset me! I hate you! I cannot stand being around and worst of all, you make me feel like shit." You snapped, this upset him, he let go of you're wrist " You wanted the truth, you get the truth." and with that you left.

#doctor strange #sinister strange #wanda maximoff #stephen strange x reader #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #dr strange imagine #fanfic #fanfic problems #fanfiction #stephen strange #doctor #multiverse of madness #drstrange

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groundzero-v · 8 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thank you @gracelesslady23 for tagging me! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 8 (one is still waiting to be revealed in the prongsfoot fest!)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

121,775 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter, and then mostly barely known fandoms haha (I have a soft spot for rareships), I'm thinking about writing for svss or mdzs too though

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

I don't wanna listen anymore - prongsfoot, multi-chapter, misunderstandings

Ad Infinitum - cyberpunk game, one-shot

Rising over dying flames - bnha gen fic, percy jackson au, two shot

Kintsugi - prongsfoot, multi-chapter

Marauder's Guide to Saving the Wizarding World - prongsfoot longfic, current wip, Marauders fight Voldemort AU, Triwizard Tournament arc, overload of pining, Marauder banter

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! I really treasure nice comments and re-read them often. They are very special to me. I try to always reply, even when the comment is only a word, but sometimes responding takes me some time

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angty endings haha. I'm a very happy ending oriented person, I like my angst only before the very end. So angstiest? Probably nothing

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them! But so far probably the unrevealed prongsfoot festa fic

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got some slightly weird comments but so far (thankfully) not any outright hate. I'm very lucky that people in the prongsfoot fandom are so incredibly nice

9. Do you write smut?

Ah, not really. I do like to read spicy fics sometimes but it depends

10. Do you write cross-overs?

It depends on the definition, I like to put characters into different universes, but the original characters of that work don't exist when I do. So it's more of an Alternate universe!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hopefully not? I'm afraid to know, but I don't think my fics are popular enough to be stolen haha. (Whoever steals fics should be deeply ashamed though!)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Once so far, to russian

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't, I imagine it's really difficult, but it could be a lot of fun as well

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Prongsfoot!

I fell in love with them a long time ago and I really love writing or reading about them. The characters feel so comforting to me and I love the intensity and devotion they have for each other.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I currently have only one real WIP published, the Marauder's Guide. For me its really easy for self-doubt to set in when writing long fics so it becomes harder and harder to push myself to write next chapter after not picking it up for a while. But I really want to finish it. I think it will take a long time but I will do it! Hopefully?

So I suppose the answer is my wip for the Sirius Black fest. I have this great idea in my head, but when I try to put it to page it sounds so bad it makes me lose motivation. We will see if I can push through haha (It's prongsfoot by the way because of course it is).

16. What are your writing strenghts?

I saw banter mentioned a lot in comments so probably that! I really like writing dialogues between the Marauders and especially James and Sirius. I also really like adding in tiny character or worldbuilding details

17. What are you writing weaknesses?

Description definitely. Pacing too, especially in the first drafts. Actions during dialogues maybe? I sometimes struggle to describe who is doing what to show exactly what I have in my head. The biggest problem is definitely endings though. I always rush them :(

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Overall I don't add another language to my fics. I never know how much to translate, how much time spend with it and so on, so I use it very very little.

Technically though, English is my second language, so I'm always writing in a different language haha.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter! I think it was Prongsfoot as well

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I think I tend to like my newer works because the older ones make me embarrassed by their writing haha. So probably Marauder's Guide! It's an idea very dear to my heart, even if it's not perfect in the slightest

Tagging @plecotusauritus @padfootastic @roalinda (no pressure!)

#ask game #my writing #prongsfoot #bambibelle

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solarishashernoseinabook · 22 days

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Solaris reviews Murder as a Second Language, by Joan Hess (2013)

Me: I should've turned this book into a drinking game. Take a shot every time it's racist. Take two every time Claire's a bitch. etc etc Angel: You'd be dead. You'd be in an ambulance and Claire would be withholding your insurance card

Content: I thought the first eleven pages were bad and rage-inducing. Folks i had no idea what I was getting myself into, oh my god.

Who I think would like it: Someone who likes cosy murder mysteries, who feels like turning their brain off for a bit to read something low-stakes.

Things it does well: On a purely technical level, the writing was competent. No major plot holes, unless you count Claire flip-flopping about her motivation to volunteer. Red herrings are successfully set up and disposed of, and clues were laid effectively.

Things that could be improved: The dialogue was a major weak point. Exposition was shoved into sentences without any thought to how difficult that would make them to read, and Caron didn't talk like a seventeen year old. Keiko's grasp of English (as well as Jiang's, frankly) got better or worse depending on the paragraph. The racism, of course, was bad, but Claire was by far the weakest point in the novel. I've read trashy books, but never have I read a character so unintentionally unlikable. Not all protagonists have to be good, upstanding people, but they should at least be compelling - think Fight Club, or The Godfather. Claire was neither likeable nor compelling, I can't see any interest she and her husband have in each other besides wanting to bang, and Caron is an insufferable brat. I'm glad my time with them is over.

My review: The last book I reviewed that was anywhere near this terrible was The Great Zoo of China. As I vented about this book on Discord with Angel, I couldn't help but compare them. The Great Zoo of China is objectively worse on a writing level. Riley's writing was repetitive, basic, and kept defining words for us (you'll recall the line, "The hole was already four storeys - or forty feet - deep."). And, while Claire and Caron were unbearable characters, at least they were characters - no one in TGZoC had any identifiable personality. Initially, I was firm in my conviction that TGZoC was more racist, but by the endpoint of MAASL I was starting to rethink that. Riley's racism was very targeted, specifically calling negative attention at the Chinese characters in his book. Hess's racism is equal-opportunity: everyone who's not a White US American is a fair target for stereotyping and hate. Riley's racism was extreme enough that I don't see most people openly agreeing with it - remember, Riley openly stated that Chinese people are inherently uncreative and only useful as manual labourers to help white people. Hess's racism is banal, common, the sort of thing your apparently decent co-worker might let slip one day without realising they said anything off while you're left scrambling at how to explain that it's not okay. Both are damaging and hurtful in their own ways, but Hess's is so much more normalised that many of her readers are likely to laugh it off as a joke, or try to forgive it by saying Hess is a product of her time. Look, I like cosy murder mysteries. Sure, a lot of them are the equivalent of literary potato chips, but I still read them. But there are much better ones than Murder as a Second Language, so don't waste your time on this one.

Does this book have…: ✅= yes ❓= not sure ⭕= possibly/mixed ❌= no Romance? ✅ Claire is (supposedly) happily married, and keeps going on about her dream husband. Miao and Jiang are engaged, Caron and Inez are boy obsessed, and dating features heavily in the background of the book. Sex? ✅ No on-screen sex or masturbation, but there are frequent references to it. The only thing Claire and Peter seem to like about each other is the possibility of sex, and references to their escapades are frequent in the novel. There's also a perverted old man in a senior's centre who sexually harasses Claire (all in good fun, apparently (sarcasm)) and also tries to grope her. Racism? ✅ So, so, so much. The best I can say for this book is that, unlike TGZaC, it didn't drop any quasi-slurs. I've covered the racism against Asian characters, but Hess is no better towards anyone else - one the book's two Black character is very large and physically intimidating to every white woman who meets him, and Claire automatically assumes any Arabic men she encounters are violent and misogynistic. Sexism? ✅ Yes, with a racial element. All three of the East Asian women in the book are small, demure, and youthful. It's considered a twist that Keiko, the program co-ordinator, is old enough to be married with kids. Miao exists only to be a sexual object for the men around her. On the other hand, the Eastern European women who feature in the book - Ludmila, a Polish woman, and Yelena, from Russia - were both written with sexist, unflattering stereotypes of loud, overbearing, tough European grandmothers. LGBTQIA-phobia? ⭕ Remember in the 2000s, when "metrosexual" was used to insult any man who brushed his teeth and wore clean clothes? Yeah, Hess unironically uses that term on page 20. Other than that, no mentions of queer characters at all. Ableism? ✅ ⭕ One off-hand use of the term "psychopath" at some point, but that's about it Swearing? ❌ Drug/Alcohol references? ✅ References to marijuana with the sort of gravity typical of the early 2010s, and a lot of drinking - as well as the implication that various characters drove tipsy References to or actual violence or suicide? ✅ Well, it is a murder mystery, after all. In addition, Greg's former wife died by suicide before the story starts, which is referenced in detail later on. References to or actual animal death or cruelty? ✅ ⭕ There's references early on to a dead bird left for someone to find as a threat, but nothing on-screen

Recommended: Hells no

#solaris reads murder as a second language #murder as a second language by joan hess #solaris reviews books sometimes

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liz-allyn · 1 year

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how can I get my fics to get attention like yours do? working your ass off and then getting 20 notes sucks. and I’m trying to become a better writer and honestly crave the validation like you get from your followers. hopefully you’ll see this! Obsessed with S&V

Hi my fellow 🖋️!

Thank you so much for your comment, and thank you for thinking so highly of me!

answers for fic writers after the cut

So honestly? I don't know how to get followers. This blog has been running since 2021, and I only started writing fic < 1 year ago. I've become so much more well known (ha) in the TASM fandom because I've hung out here a long time. I don't have a secret to engagement or understand how tumblr 'works' that well (ie the algorithm that social media sites use to decide what to put in front of you). There are still people I freakin' worship on this site who don't interact with my fics at all, haha. AND flip side, some of the best writers I've ever seen are on here and their fics have less than 100 notes. I have learned that persistently I'll look over into other peoples' yards and be like "fuck. how did they get 4K followers?" or like "wow, she just posted this yesterday and it has over 1k notes."

as for working your ass off and getting 20 notes—CAN CONFIRM: that sucks. some fics I wrote for fun. some fics I wrote for the creative challenge. but pretty much on all of them I've left a little piece of me, of my soul and the lessons i've learned in my meandering partial journey. blood on the keyboard. and those fics? the really great ones (or ones just as good as sugar and vice)? they still don't have many notes.

But I will acknowledge that my following dramatically increased when I started posting S&V. I think I had ~900 and that blew up to 1.5k. There are a few factors in this:

Always post fics with fic art (with gifs! if possible) - This is the number one thing that draws me to read fic. I like art that looks cool. I also have been playing around with Canva Pro for 3-4 years (it's my fav) and I'm animation-adjacent as a day job, so pushing myself to think about graphic design has been really good for me. I find it fun to come up with a whole aesthetic for your story, whether it's a mood board or a color scheme (I usually have 'branding' on the brain). If you don't want to play with fic art, at least find an appropriate gif. Use the actor's face. I also think the gif search on Tumblr sucks balls but it's really worth it to have the right gif.

Pay attention to the hashtags of other popular fics in your fandom - when I started paying attention to notes, this was the best advice. I was using all kinds of tags that made sense to me, but weren't effective. In the web version of Tumblr, I can search for a tag and see how many followers it has. It's significant if #peter parker x reader has way more followers than #tasm!peter x reader. Also trends come and go, tumblr has their hotboy of the month and it rotates. there have been months were TASM Peter was non-existent in the last year, and months where we're getting *fed*. Pro tip with tags: I have a separate Google Doc with a list of hashtags that I copy and paste to save time. After a while, you should try reblogging with different hashtags

Use a spelling or grammar checker - I'm not a grammar fac*st but if I open a fic and everything is misspelled, almost no punctuation is used, and I have to work really hard to understand your story, then it's not going to go far. (With respect to writers who post work in English, and it's their second language). I never pay much attention to the occasional misspelling or grammar mistake, but when it looks like you sent your fic via text message or tinder chat, I just can't. I personally use Grammarly, but I also hate it and think it's buggy and overpriced. If anyone else has a better option that works with Google Docs, let me know!

Never write your fics in Tumblr's post editor. That has nothing to do with engagement but that shit is buggy as hell.

Avoid putting too much text up front before the fic. I put author's notes at the end. I try to keep summaries short. I try to focus on what someone absolutely needs to know to understand this fic, and I *mostly* try to avoid apologizing to the reader ahead of time for what they're about to read, for it being too long, for it being weird, bleh bleh bleh

If you're writing a series, make people reblog to be tagged. I've seen lots of people do taglists and then they give up because it's a pain to manage (and it is), plus you have a bunch of people that go "add me to the taglist!" or "next part, when?" and they didn't even reblog what you've already written. I think that's been one of the really big factors behind S&V's success

Make navigation as easy as possible - this is web design 101 (which I flunked repeatedly), but a masterlist is good to have. If you're in a series, a link back to the previous chapter + next chapter is good to have, I've also recently started putting a link back to the masterlist. people that know more things about stuff than me told me that you want to make things as simple as possible for viewers to get from one page to another. (that's why youtube links are shit on tumblr, even videos are meh, but GIFs work so well and attract so much attention). this is a visual site, so big images or headings or links with color help to draw the eye's attention.

Write what you want to write. Because you really need to gain enjoyment from writing, and it should never feel like you're a content factory. Do this 9 out of 10 times. The 10th time, write what people want to read. My first mob fic was These Violet Delights which I thought was so smart, and I was so proud of, and I planned this whole series out for. But also I tag things accurately, and some people (even my moots) are uncomfortable reading about those topics. Then when I started S&V I was extremely self-critical because I didn't want to write something filled with tropes and cliches. And then I sort of got off my soapbox and let S&V be its own thing, full of tropes and cliches, because they're popular for a reason, and they're fun to read, and it's okay to have candy for dinner every once in a while. And I've been able to pivot my plans and create something I'm pretty proud of.

It does help to stay consistent in the fandom you're writing for. Either by writing or reblogging other writers. Just don't make yourself feel like you're a slave to Tumblr and you must stay active at all times f o r e n g a g e m e n t. Everyone should take breaks when they need to.

Don't listen to my advice because no one knows how to hack tumblr. There are some posts that have sooooo many notes and I'm like 'why?' Meanwhile, my heart's been ripped open in LED pixels on screen and sometimes it passes by.

I hope that this was useful! And if not, I'm sorry for the long post. I look forward to reading your fic (whoever you are), and feel free to tag me when you write your next thing!

💜

#on writing #writing advice #fanfiction #fanfic advice #peter parker fanfiction #tasm fanfiction #writing #writers on tumblr

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neowinestainedress · 1 year

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rebs!! within europe, which country would you say have many polyglots?

i personally think it's italy bc i think people there understand 2/3 other languages beyond intermediate level? do you think italy provides solid language-learning system in schools (compared to your european counterparts)?

This is longer than I expected, I had many complaints to do lmao

Honestly, I have no idea... I think Italy sucks when it comes to teaching languages. I learned English by myself because in elementary school the English teacher was never the same and every year we basically did the same things over and over again. In middle school I had better teachers but I didn't have a base so I struggled a lot and one direction and tv series saved my ass. In high school we do grammar for the first two years and then the other three are just literature, so if you're fluent, you're fine, but if you're not, it's going to be hell. (Probably it depends on the professor too, mine was pretty strict and I found her funny and iconic only because I was good, but some of my friends that weren't fluent hated her a lot, and they were right)

We only do another language in middle school (either French or Spanish). I learned French but yeah... The professors were terrible, I only had a good one in the second year but it wasn't enough. I mean, I was better at French than English back then, but I hated it so much I almost completely lost all my knowledge after.

After middle school, if you want to study languages there's the "linguistic high school" but from what I know it's not like it's much better, especially for languages like German or Chinese.

In Italy there are some regions that have other official languages like French, German, and Albanian (don't know if it's official, but a lot of small countries in the east-south speak it).

I just think Italians are slick and most of the time speak with their bodies, and when it comes to understanding others we are not like French (sorry not sorry) and even if the pronunciation is not perfect we just think about getting to the point. Also, quoting that tweet that was popular saying "Portuguese, Spanish and Italian speakers understanding each other without speaking the same language" it's true. We have the same roots so for survival needs I think we can communicate pretty well, and at least understand what we're saying. Still, I don't think many of us are fluent in more than another language. But probably I'm thinking too much about the older generation, idk the younger ones seem to be more interested in languages, I think the Universities that involve languages are the most popular rn, so this could change in the next few years? But we are also a very old country (many old people and no newborns) so I don't think I'm wrong for now.

I would say Switzerland is the most polyglot because they speak Italian, French and German but it's based on the cantons, so I'm not sure they speak more languages in a single one. The other one is probably Germany. They seem like the most open-minded and also very global, but I don't know much about the school system.

In conclusion, I think that the Italian school system is just really hard and puts students under a lot of stress without making them accomplish a lot, and that involves languages too. I wish I was the only one, but if you ask young people where they learned English, 80% of them will answer like I did, on their own, with music, movies, and fanfictions... that tells you everything about how the system teaches languages. Also, I think that the ones speaking more languages are the mixed couples children (I'm one, but for reasons, my Spanish is hanging on a thin line) and the second generations' children that speak Italian, their parent's language, and one or two that they learn later on. But white Italians? Either they're passionate about it or they don't care. This is also why I talked about being open-minded, unfortunately, Italy is going through a very bad fascist turn of events again and foreign languages are seen as threats, the prime minister wants to fine people for using English words when they speak, and that's all from 1925. Not saying that if you don't speak other languages you're fascist, but that's another factor to consider when you analyze the way people act when it comes to the topic, you simply might not be good at that (just like some people are not good at math, or art and so on) but that doesn't give you the right to push foreign languages down or mock them, or treat people that spend time learning a new one as if they're stupid.

So what I'm thinking is, in the new generation there's a lot of us speaking more than 2/3 languages but I think at least 70% is because those are already the mother tongues (so Italian because they were born and raised here and then the one they speak with the family) the rest is taught at school but only if you want to learn them. Considering the oldest generation makes up most of this country, I still think we're losing compared to other places in Europe.

This turned into a rant, and you just learned to never ask me anything ever again I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Also, can you explain why you think we're almost fluent in 2/3 languages? I'm curious to know why it looks like this on the outside.

#answered #everloving-avenue #never make me speak on anything ever again #wrote a fucking drabble on languages somebody lock me up #me: i have no idea #also me: writes the bible

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attheexactlyrighttimeandplace · 2 years

Text

More thoughts on episode 5 Partings (part 1).

My first reaction is here (it contains more thoughts that i didn't used in this post because it's already too long, and i didn't want to repeat myself).

Because a troll has commented on my last post about The Rings of Power negatively, i feel obligated to add some warnings to avoid to attract more of them (sorry for the length):

Indeed I'm not a native english speaker. Actually, english is my third language and i'm not even living in a english-speaking country. Thus i can't deny that i'm far from being fluent, having learnt to write it mostly through very old high school lessons, films/series and articles read on line. But thankfully, my bad english doesn't seem to stop people from reading my posts, understanding them and even interacting with me politely. So i don't think, the quality of my expression is an issue, except for the trolls.

More importantly, my language skills have nothing to do with the fact that i enjoy so much The Rings of Power. I'm raving about it because it's the best tv show that i've seen in years. It's a 10/10 (for people who like to rank things), which means season 1 will be probably in my top 10 of the best shows of all the time (next to The Wire, Twin Peaks, Chernobyl, The Terror, Hannibal, Battlestar Galactica etc.)

Now that we have established that i know enough english to express myself at least clearly in this language; and that i have good taste in tv series (and literature, poetry and non fiction too by the way), and thus if i see no flaws in this series, it's probably because it's way better than the limited taste of the trolls, and their too limited capacity of criticism (that enjoying to much low quality content has lead them to form) allow them to admit - let get's back to episode 5!

This is the most epic episode since episode 1 and the narration of the war of Wrath against Morgoth by Galadriel and boy did i love it! Glorfinder (is he the elf warrior?) and the Balrog were something unexpected because the Tolkien Estate has established (last time i checked) that the First and Third Age were off limit for the show. So every time the producers managed to negociate more, it feels like a very special gift. An art gift in this case because the representation of the battle between the heroic elf and the evil creature looked like a painting by a great master.

And let's be honest, who didn't scream Gandalf too when watching it?! Who didn't think of the LOTR films? The call back to the fight between Gandalf and the Balrog in Moria in The Fellowship of the Ring was obvious, in an episode where the dwarves and the Mithril they found in their mines were essential to the resolution of Elrond's arc.

Loved too the scale of the final scene in Nùmenor where the ships left the harbour, which propelled the series on the level of epicness of the films. Everyone looked so pretty in the armors. I hate war and colonization as much as Eärien and Kemen (loved his courage, yes destroying the ship was brave), and yet i still swooned over the perfect looks of Elendil, Galadriel, Halbrand and queen regent Miriel, and totally got why the crowd wanted to applaud them.

But it's the plot (characters development and theories) that i really want to discuss. Going through this commentary character by character and their relationships (it's only the part 1 because i have too many thoughts and the episode was so dense).

Starting by Nori and The Stranger:

I'm convinced that he's Sauron since his spectacular entrance in episode 1 for many reasons (developed in a another post to come), but the most important is how much essential it would be for Nori and Poppy 's characters development to experience this level of betrayal and corruption. Corruption of every living being (including plants and animals) during the Second Age, by Sauron who helped spread evil in Middle Earth by tempting, deceiving and manipulating while his armies of Orcs are invading every region, being the main theme of the show in my view.

Nori has been firmly established as a young naive hobbit who wants to expand on her world geographically, but also on what she learnt from her community about surviving. Since she couldn't leave her family, she decided that the novelty and mystery should come from this old man who has fallen from the sky like an angel, and put all her trust in him to the point where she made him a part of her family.

In the process, she ignored Marigold and Poppy's advices ("there's common sense and nonsense"). It's because she's deeply connected to those two very wise characters and because their first strong impression was that the Stranger was dangerous and should be left where he was and they argued about it with Nori a lot, that realizing that she carried the true evil with her all along (just like Frodo did with the One Ring but without knowing it), and brought chaos in the all world by trusting a stranger rather than her close friend and relatives (unlike Sam and Frodo who knew what lies Gollum was spreading), seems in my view a necessary lesson for her.

All those elements once assembled, can make a consistent arc and are compatible with the fact that it would be the best option for Sauron to cross the Middle Earth unidentified and without unwanted attention. And who except the Hartfoots that are the species the most hard to detect can provide this level of quasi invisibility?

Meanwhile, their relationship is something as intense, ambiguous and sometimes manipulative than the one between Galadriel and Hallbrand: he saves her and then hurts her badly. Though i believe he was indeed just this time healing himself, and hurting her was an accident (she came too close) contrary to what he did to the Fireflies, which was a real killing. I'm not sure if this last incident will open her eyes to the danger he could represent or if she will ignore it like Galadriel does with Hallbrand. Will she rather follow with her initial choice because she can't stop either (she can only share doubts with Poppy), not now that they are so far in their travel and they still need him so much to push the cart?

However, despite my attachement to this theory, for the first time, this week i had doubts about the Stranger being Sauron. And it's all because of what happened in Lindon with the Tree.

On The Elves

There's one fan theory that places Sauron in Lindon, already deceiving the elves as a fake ally of Celebrimbor but existing off screen. I don't like it because it would mean that all the clues collected that designated The Stranger or Halbrand (since Adar is not Sauron as proved in this episode) would have been just a way to midslead us, until a final cheap twist that would break the continuity of the character development for shock value (which wasn't the way Tolkien used to write). But the Tree was literally dying, and i wonder if it could have been poisoning. It seems like an opportunity Sauron wouldn't miss: destroying the entire community of elves of Lindon (which is also the most powerful of Middle Earth) with one stone.

I'm on the side who isn't sure Gil Galad and Celebrimbor weren't lying about the Mithril. I don't see how it can heal the Tree or share its power with all the elves, no matter the intensity of its light. it didn't seem to have this specificity when Elrond was holding it. Howewer we know because of Bilbo (hundred years later) that it can be transformed into very solid armors and swords for a potential coming war. It would thus explain why Celebrimbor needed a massive forge so quickly. Not (only) to make some artistic artefact to gain fame but to arm an entire nation of elves warriors (my speculations are all based on the appendices of LOTR just like the show, not the Silmarillion so there's plenty of my ideas that are partially spoilers free speculations).

I'm satisfied that Elrond got the same treatment that he inflicted on Durin last week. He learnt at least the lesson: that you don't try to manipulate friends, you tell them the truth and work with them to find a solution. I don't think he deserved their reconciliation scene: as beautifully shot as it was (a autumn decor with big rocks for Durin to sit on and think, and a forest of trees to quickly and softly heal his pain and bitterness and rekindle the trust), it's hard to forget that Durin did all the hard work (forgiving and helping). Elrond is lucky that Durin has such a good heart and still cares a lot about him. No matter how much he tries, and what he said to Gil-Galad about his dedication to his friends, i think that he will never be to Durin the real friend that Legolas was to Gimli.

That doesn't mean the elves are irredeemable. Even Gil-Galad, between two "fashion shows" where he looked like a superstar in his magnificent silk dresses, managed to share some really wise view of the world on hope (actually a central belief in Tolkien's work), that proved that he knows the real power isn't in a rare ore, no matter how magical it is, but in the moral quality of the people they use it and the relationship they can build. His presence during Durin/Elrond reconciliation scene and what he watched seemed to have satisfied him, and not only because of Durin's acceptation to help. He enjoyed the friendly way in which they both have lead this "negociation".

The scenes he shared with Durin were pure gold! I would watch without question a show in which in every episode Durin would find a new thing to "stole" from him, for Disa, until he finishes to refurnish their entire home. The dinner scene was a very nice light comedy moment (Gil Galad's face was the best thing! I hope Disa will enjoy her table), a rare moment of pure humor in the show.

#the rings of power #episode 5: partings #elanor nori brandyfoot #the stranger #durin iv #the elves #elrond #gil galad #my trop reviews

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