#Usual disclaimer that you should really write whatever you want
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The Heart Wants What It Wants || Jamie Tartt
Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Y/N where Y/N works at AFC Richmond || I used she/her pronouns, but there is no actual physical description, so the pronouns can be switched with whatever anyone wants or prefers!
Characters: Jamie Tartt; Keeley Jones and Rebecca Welton (Y/N's best friends); Sam Obisanya, Isaac McAdoo, Colin Hughes and Dani Rojas (Jamie's support team); Roy (being his usual grumpy self).
Summary: when Y/N goes into Rebecca's office to have her usual morning chat with her best friends, she doesn't expect it to result in a very messy confession from her crush.
Warnings: bad language, like a lot. slight sexual harassment. Roy being harsh with Jamie. Jamie being all over the place with his feelings. fluff, a lot of pining and crushing. just bad writing, really.
WC: 8355 (it's kinda long, I know... but I didn't know where to stop! sorry!)
A/N: This is my first time writing for JAmie or any Ted Lasso character in general. I hadn't written anything in months, and I guess it shows. but I was so sad that there weren't enough Jamie fics on here that I thought I could just write one of my own. hopefully people like it! I'm in the middle of my exam session, but if you have any requests or suggestions, feel free to write me!
this gif is completely unrelated, i just love phil dunstan
“Come in” Rebecca’s voice was clear and loud as always, even through the closed door. As you walked in, you took in the smell of hot tea permeating the door – definitely something you could always count on.
You greeted both Rebecca and Keeley, before plopping down on the sofa right in front of the big windows looking out onto the field. You looked out for a moment, noticing the team making their way outside to finally begin practice. You had been working at AFC Richmond for almost a year now, all thanks to Miss Keeley fucking Jones, obviously. Ever since you first day there, everyone had immediately started treating you as if you had always been part of the family, especially Rebecca. “If Keeley likes you so much, it must definitely mean something.” That was her excuse when she invited you out for drinks with the two of them on the second day. “Also, there’s only so many women working at AFC Richmond, we have to stick together, don’t we?” And the rest was history, as some author would say. Even the team had liked you since the get-go. Some more than others. There should be a disclaimer here: you had never cared for football, in any of its forms. But Keeley had been so persuading, making the job sound like a party. And she wasn’t lying. Being with the team was more fun than you could have ever imagined. Yes, some of them were self-centred, and some were self-centred pricks, even. But somehow, you had taken a liking to all of them. And now, after an entire year of working there, you knew them so well that she could even make out who was who all the way from Rebecca’s office.
You were so lost in your own thoughts, that when Keeley talked, you almost jumped out of her seat. “Babes, is everything alright?” Her voice was kind as always. “You seem off today.”
“Everything is fine.” You fixed yourself, turning around so to face both of your friends.
You smiled, or rather you forced yourself to make your smile feel as real as possible. But when you met Rebecca’s gaze you froze. She was holding one of those shortbread biscuits that Ted brought her in every morning and that you only had the pleasure to taste once and, well, you completely understood why Rebecca loved them so much. “I call bullshit.”
“What?”
“I said I call bullshit.” The woman put the last remaining bit of biscuit in the small, pink cardboard box, as to save it for later, and then made her way on the couch with you and Keeley. “You have been off for, well, quite a few days now. And I love that you’re an independent woman and everything, but Keeley and I are your friends. Actually, I would like to believe that we are your best friends. We care for you and we would very much appreciate it if you would trust us enough to come to us with your problems and thoughts.”
“Yeah, babes. You know we’re always here for you.” Keeley moved closer to you and leaned against the back of the couch.
You sighed, burying your face in your hands. You had wanted to talk with them for a while now, but you were always too afraid they wouldn’t care about it, or you were too embarrassed about how they might react to it. But this time it was them that asked you to tell them. And they seemed truly interested in knowing what was going on in your mind.
“Chop, chop, out with it.” Rebecca let her heels fall to the ground and set herself comfortably in the corner of the couch. Yeah, well, as comfortable as that extremely fitted pencil skirt gave her permission to.
You bit your lip for a moment, gathering all the courage you had. “It’s stupid, really.” You tried to laugh it off, hoping that they would just let it go.
But they didn’t. “It’s not stupid if it’s making you feel like this.” Keeley said, putting a hand on yours.
“Fine.” You sighed, looking off in front of you. “I think I may have feelings for Jamie.” You blurted out as quickly as you could.
“Our Jamie? Like, Jamie Tartt?” Keeley asked.
“I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t like him, right? I know you think it’s stupid. I know you think he’s a prick, and you’re not wrong. I know that he’s a prick. Fuck, that makes me hate myself even more. How could I like a prick? Well, he had changed a bit, and now he-s a bit less of a prick. But still, he’s Jamie fucking Tartt, he’s probably one of the hottest footballers out there, in any way possible. He could fucking have whoever he wanted. Hell, he could have a fucking model. I’m sure he had model. He had you, Keels. And I’m just me. I fucking hate that I’m feeling this.” You started rambling on aimlessly, putting out there in only a few seconds all the fears and insecurities you had been holding in for the past who knows how long.
“Hey, love. Just, wait a minute.” Rebecca’s voice broke your train of thoughts, thankfully just in time, or who knows where you could’ve ended. “Let’s just calm down a moment, okay?”
“It’s just-” You sighed. “I hate that I’m feeling these feelings. I don’t want to feel them. Not for him. I don-t want to be his latest conquest that he’s going to move on from and forget as soon as he finds someone more interesting. I don’t want this. But I can’t help it. I… Fuck, I feel like I’m back in middle school. Shit, shit, shit. How old am I? 12? No, I’m not. I’m 25 years old, for fuck’s sake. I should fall for proper man. Not people like him.” Your eyes filled up with tears, which you tried to hide as best as you could, even though you knew that the other two would notice them, nonetheless.
And they did. Rebecca and Keeley shared a quick glance, before sliding even closer to you, both immediately wrapping their arms around your figure. “Listen, babes. You said it yourself. I’ve been with Jamie, and he was in his top prick form back then. Now he’s… he’s changing. I don’t know if it’s the training with Roy or if it’s Ted finally rubbing off on him, but he’s no longer the dickhead I dumped almost two years ago.”
“She’s right. He has changed.” Rebecca agreed with Keeley. “Also, you cannot tell your heart what it should and shouldn’t feel. It will only cause you more pain, and we definitely don’t want that.” The woman had this motherly instinct that you had always loved. She always knew what to say to make you feel better, or at least less shitty about yourself. “And remember, you could never do worse than me. I was married to the king of the shitheads.” She added, which made both you and Keeley laugh.
“Okay, let’s do this.” Keeley got up and ran to the door, only to lock it and run back to the couch. “If it’s alright with Rebecca, we’re going to take the morning off to talk, just the three of us.”
“Sounds perfect to me. I really didn’t have much to do anyway.” Rebecca was a great liar. You knew she probably had so many documents to read through and to sign. But she always made time to help you with your problems. And that’s why you loved her so much. “Is that right with you, love?”
You didn’t even need to say anything. You barely nodded, and next thing you knew, the three of you were sitting on the couch with no shoes on, a warm cup of tea each and a big chunky blanket on your legs. You never really thought they would be this open with you. Yes, they had made it clear ever since the beginning that they liked you and that they cared for you. But you had never thought that you could go to them for something like that and they would do all of that for you. But they did.
“Okay, let’s start with one simple question: are you two talking? Or, I don’t know, did you go on a date?” Keeley’s question was very straightforward and made completely sense. However, the answer wasn’t as easy to give.
“Well, we haven’t really gone on like a proper date. But we did spend quite a lot of time together last week.” You looked at the other two and you could feel them asking for more information with just their eyes. “It didn’t start as the best of situations…”
------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------
You didn’t really want to go out that night. It wasn’t really your thing. You usually spent your nights at home, reading a book or watching a movie. Or, if you were lucky, you would go out with Keeley and Rebecca for dinner and drinks, which you loved. What you didn’t love was going out for drinks with people you weren’t as comfortable with. But you had never really learnt how to say no to people, so when your old high school friend – who had moved to America for college and you hadn’t heard from since – messaged you on Instagram, saying that she was back in London for a few days and wanted to go out with you to “catch up”, you couldn’t really bring yourself to decline the offer or make up an excuse. So, you just agreed and made plans to meet up with her in front of a very busy and very fancy place downtown. You hated clubs, especially busy one, but even more you hated going to new places without people you knew. But you knew the girl, in a way. You were really close in high school, so things shouldn’t be too bad, right?
“So, you’re working for a football club! Never thought it would happen!” The girl shouted over the loud music which you were already hating with all your guts. But you just pulled through it.
“Yeah, it’s a good job.” You hated having to raise your voice so much, but it was the least you could do if you wanted to have a conversation with her.
“Do you know any famous footballer?”
“I mean, I know the boys from the team. I suppose they’re famous now. But yeah.”
“Would you introduce me to any of them?”
There it was. You had been talking with her for half an hour and, knowing how she was back in high school, you had been wondering how she hadn’t yet asked you about the guys. A small part of you really wanted to believe that she had changed and that she had stopped sleeping around with guys just because they were hot. But apparently, you were wrong. “Well, it’s complicated. They’re in the middle of the Premier season right now, and most of them are training really hard hoping to be rostered for their national teams. Plus, you’re only going to be in town for a few days, so that wouldn’t really work.”
“I wouldn’t mind moving my flight back for a footballer.” She smirked.
“Maybe next time.” You fake-smiled. “Also, who would want to go out with a football player? Most of them are self-centred assholes who only care about winning.”
“But they are sexy and they have money.”
“But you’re studying law in an ivy league college, you could be the one with money in the relationship.”
“Nah, I don’t really care about that. If a hot guy with money wanted to be with me, I would literally give everything up.” She said, as if that was the most obvious answer. Now you were remembering why you never reached out to her after high school was over.
You spent another half hour listening to her blabbering about something you didn’t really care about. And you could tell that she knew, but didn’t say anything. That was how things had always been between the two of you back in school: she was the popular one, with guys running after her, and her constantly cancelling plans that you two had made to go on a date with a different guy, while you spent your afternoons with the drama club, putting on the next show, to which she was always invited but she never came. It wasn’t all bad. You actually had good times with her. You spent a lot of time over at her house, and you were almost part of her family. But once you were no longer forced to see each other every single day at school, it didn’t take long for you to realise you were completely different. So, you just stopped looking for each other, making plans or going out. That’s why, when the messages stopped coming altogether, it didn’t really hurt you, since you were the first that had started to back out from that friendship. But years had passed and you had really hoped she had grown out of that phase of her life. But you were wrong. People never change, that was what you said to yourself as you were absentmindedly nodding to whatever she was saying now.
“Listen, Y/N, do you mind if I leave you alone here for a moment? There’s a guy over there that has been eyeing me for a while now and, I don’t know, I have this feeling I should go over there.” That was her usual excuse. I have this feeling. As if sexual craving could be described as an actual feeling. But you didn’t care, you actually wouldn’t mind to spend a few minutes by yourself. So, you just told her to go. And she did. Not a single “are you sure you don’t mind” nor an “it will be quick, I promise”. She simply picked all her stuff up and left.
And then you were alone.
You thought about leaving a couple of times, but you thought it would be rude because what would happen if she came back and you weren’t there?
So, you just remained seated there, in the small booth, waiting. And waiting. You looked around, studying the crowd, and hoping that she would just come back, or at least text you to let you know her intentions for the rest of the night. But that message never came. And you waited there, alone.
Until, after almost twenty minutes, a random man approached you. He had to have been at least 15 years older than you. He was dressed all fancy, a black blazer and jeans, a white shirt with the first couple of buttons left open to show a few sparse grey hairs on his chest, as if that was something that all women found sexy; I mean, who did he think he was? Roy Kent? He walked over to your table and leaned on it to get closer to you. “Is this seat taken?”
The first thing that hit you was the almost nauseating amount of perfume and aftershave, closely followed by the stench of cigarette and alcohol as soon as he opened his mouth. “I’m waiting for a friend.” You replied, hoping that would be enough to send him away.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been sitting here alone for quite some time now.” He smiled, and you wanted to throw up. “And I don’t she’s coming back. She and that boy looked very intimate if you know what I mean.”
That comment sent shivers down your spine. How long had he been looking at you? “I’m waiting for another friend of ours.” You said, hoping that he would buy it.
He moved closer to you. “Let me wait with you. I wouldn’t want to leave such a pretty girl out here on her own.”
You hated when people called you a girl. You were a grown woman, for god’s sake! But you hated it even more when that comment came from creepy old men that were nonchalantly flirting with you.
“They should be here any minute now.” You replied quickly. “And I actually prefer to sit alone.”
“Nonsense! Let me keep you company!” He smirked, sliding even closer to you. You were on the verge of tears, feeling this awful sensation in your stomach. You felt like you were going to throw up, and you weren’t sure whether it was because of his terrible taste in perfumes, the horrible stench of smoke, or just his presence in general. You wanted to just get up and get away, but it was as if your legs had forgotten how to move. You tried to insist, telling him that you were going to meet them outside, but he wouldn’t let you go. He started moving his hand, and you knew that, if you didn’t move, he would put it on your thigh. But, with tears pooling at the corners of your eyes, your body completely froze.
“Y/N!” A voice called your name. You turned around to look at the source. Your vision was hazy from the tears, and the strobe lights weren’t exactly helping you in that moment. “I’m sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find a spot to park me car.” He walked over to your table and waited for you to do or say something to sit next to you.
“You’re Jamie fucking Tartt!” The old man exclaimed. “Fuck, man. You’re great! My mates and I don’t really like Richmond, but you’re the best player in the team. You and that Oby- Obe-, you know, the Nigerian guy.”
“Yeah, cheers, man.” Jamie replied, taking a seat next to you. “Now, would you mind leaving us alone?”
“Is she your date?” The man asked, and you could tell that he was confused because why would a star like Jamie Tartt go out with a normal girl like you?
“Do you have a problem?”
“No, no!” The old man finally stood up from the table. “You enjoy her.” He smirked and gave him a wink, before looking at you up and down for the last time and eventually leave.
You finally could feel your body relax again when your attention was caught by Jamie talking. “What a fucking creep.” He shook his head, before finally looking at you. “Are you alright? Did he do anything to you?”
You shook your head. “I think you got here just in time.” You smiled at him, almost feeling guilty for probably having ruined his night.
“Were you here alone?”
“Well, not really. I was here with a friend but she left with a guy.” You stopped, quickly looking around. “But I don’t think she’s coming back.”
“Some kind of friend.” He sighed, still looking at you, as if he were studying you, trying to understand if everything was truly okay, trying to assess the situation. “Do you want to leave?”
“What?”
“I said, do you want to go out, maybe grab a bite?” He raised his voice, thinking that you might have not heard him over the loud music.
“Don’t worry, I’m okay. You can go back to your evening if you want. I’m fine, I swear.”
“I was here on me own.”
“You go to clubs alone?”
“Well, yeah.” He looked at you for a moment. “Listen, really, I don’t have anything to do here. And in any case, I would much rather spend time with you. So, if you want to leave and do something actually funny instead of waiting for some shitty friend to hopefully come back, then count me in.”
------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------
“Did you go with him?” Keeley asked, looking at you as if she was watching the latest episode of a soap opera, completely hooked up to the story.
“We spent the entire night together.” You said shyly.
“Doing what?” You had never seen Rebecca so shocked and interested in a story in a while.
“We ate in a chicken shop; we stayed there talking for a while and then we took a walk.”
“How long did you stay out for?”
You could feel both Keeley’s and Rebecca’s eyes on you, demanding an answer, wanting to know more, to know everything. “Well, we took the sunrise as our cue to go home.”
“Babes! You’re telling me that you stayed up all night talking with Jamie?” Keeley squealed, jumping on her knees. “Like, you found topics to talk about for, what, 7? 8 hours?”
“It wasn’t that difficult. I didn’t even have to force it.”
“What did you talk about?” Asked Rebecca. And all of a sudden, the almost 50-year-old and 30-year-old women in front of you turned back into their high school personas and you almost wanted to laugh at how adorably funny that scene was.
“Well, a bit of everything, you know. Our lives, where we grew up, our favourite things, favourite food, favourite movie, favourite city, the books that have impacted us the most, the cities that we dream of visiting one day. Normal stuff.”
Keeley looked at you, in complete shock. “You talked about books. With Jamie. How?”
“He said that he had noticed I like to read and asked me about my favourite book. I told him and then asked him the same thing. And he told me.” You replied, as if that was obvious. But it was only then that you remember that Keeley had been with Jamie in the past and, if she was that shocked, it must have meant that, when they were together, he didn’t read. Possibly at all.
“Babes, remember when I told you he had changed since I had broken up with him, right? Well, that’s an understatement. When we were together, it was fun, but we didn’t really talk about that kind of stuff. He was much more superficial. I don’t think he never really asked me what my favourite food was. And the fact that he was taking an interest in all of those things about you, well, it definitely means something. I wouldn’t take that for granted.” Hearing Keeley, someone you trusted with all of your heart, someone you loved and looked up to, someone that truly knew who you were talking about, saying all of those things, made you feel things. You didn’t know what those things meant, but they were things you hadn’t felt in a long time. And for the first time in days, you were finally accepting the idea of having feelings for Jamie Tartt.
After a few moments of silence, Rebecca asked you “Was that the only time you spent time together?”
“Well, no. I mean, we’ve been talking basically every single day. He sends me a good morning text almost every day, and we talk a lot at night. Sometimes he calls me.”
“Okay, okay. That’s good.” Rebecca said, almost as if she was an investigator gather all the evidence. “But you didn’t answer my question: did you go out another time?”
You immediately felt heat rising to your cheeks. “We didn’t really go out.” You looked at the two women in silence for a moment. “Last night he… ehm… he showed up to my place.”
“What?” They both almost screamed at the same time.
------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------
You had just finished putting on your pyjamas after a long warm shower. You still had to decide what you wanted to eat, something you always dreaded because, as much as you loved cooking, you hated preparing food for one. You started making your way down the stairs and to the kitchen when your doorbell rang. You weren’t really expecting anyone, so the sound left you confused. You looked through the peephole before even saying anything, so that if it was someone you didn’t know, you could jut pretend you weren’t at home. But, when you looked through it, you were surprised to see Jamie standing right outside of your door.
You immediately took a look at yourself in the mirror right beside the door, trying to make yourself look at least presentable, before finally opening the door. When Jamie’s entire figure came into view, you noticed the food boxes in his hands. “Jamie?”
“Hi, Y/N! Ehm, I’m sorry to barge in on you like this but… ehm… I thought we could spend some time together, you know?” Was Jamie blushing?
You stood there, a soft smile on your lips, looking at the man in front of you. “Sure.” You giggled, moving to open the door even more, as a way to let him in.
“I’m sorry, I should have texted or called. That was stupid. If you’re busy I can just-”
You cut him off. “Jamie. I’m not busy. You can come in. I just wasn’t expecting visitors, so the house is, well, it’s not tidy.” You take a step forward to take some of the boxes off of him. “What’s with all of this food? Did you rob a supermarket?” You laughed, nodding your head as a sign for him to follow you, before making your way to the kitchen.
“No!” He laughed, and suddenly you felt this weird sensation in your stomach. “I didn’t know what you were craving and so I got everything that you told me you liked.” He said, while putting the boxes on the counter. “I got us a pizza to share, because you said you’re not a huge fan, but that you like to eat it while watching movies. I also got us kebabs because they’re always good, and sushi because why not. Oh, and I also got us those spicy Korean rice thingies that you said you love so much. What’s their name? Tee- To-”
You laughed as he struggled to say the word. “Tteokbokki.”
“Yeah, those.” He smiled, putting his hands on his sides.
“Just a question.” You walked around the kitchen gathering cutlery and plates to eat. “How many people did you think were going to be here? There’s enough food to feed an army.”
He looked at you and then the food, before bursting out laughing. “I told you! I didn’t know what you were craving. And I wanted to do something nice for you, but I overdid it.”
You put the plates on the counter and turned to look at him. “It’s okay, I appreciate it anyways.” You smiled. “But why would you wanted to do this for me? It’s not my birthday or anything.”
“I just… I had a very good time with you the other night.” Was Jamie blushing? Again? “And I was really in the mood to watch a good movie. So, who better than you to watch it with.”
You smiled, trying to hide the blushing coming onto your cheeks as well by turning your attention to the food on the counter. “Did you have a movie in mind?” You asked, while putting the different foods on the plates.
“You said that you really like Dead Poets Society, right? And that you think everyone should watch it at least once in their lifetime, right? So, I thought, since I’ve never seen it, we could, I don’t know, watch it together. If you want to, obviously.” He waited for you to plate the food to pick a couple of plates up and follow you into the living room.
“That actually sounds like a perfect plan, Mr Tartt.” You smiled, while taking a seat on the couch, waiting for him to join you.
------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------
“Fucking hell, that’s adorable!” Keeley exclaimed. “He never did that for me! When he showed up uninvited, it was usually because he wanted to have sex.”
“Well, this is good!” Rebecca joined in. “He has changed. He listened to what you told him, he remembered your favourite food and your favourite movie. And before you say something like ‘but that’s not a big dead!’, yes it fucking is. It is a huge deal. Men aren’t always reliable. Rupert never was, at least. I vividly remember telling him my favourite drink at least a dozen times. And every single time he would get me something completely different. At the beginning I was too afraid to say anything, so I just drank it. But then I started to speak up. And still, he didn’t remember.”
“Yeah, okay, but him remembering that I like pizza only when watching movie doesn’t mean he feels anything for me.” You said, throwing your head back.
“I’m sorry, babes, didn’t you say that he told you that he wanted to spend time with you?” Keeley asked. “You said it yourself: he came to your place with all the food you had told him you liked and suggested to watch your favourite movie together because he had had a good time with you and wanted to do that again.”
“He decided to spend time with you rather than going out with other people or spend the night texting some random girl on dating apps.” Added Rebecca. “He chose to be with you.”
“I suppose you’re right.” You sighed. “I still don’t think he has feelings for me, though.”
“Whatever, babes.” Keeley took a sip out of her mug, before refocusing on you. “What happened next? Did you watch the movie?”
“Yes, we did.” You smiled at the memory. “He got emotional at the end. I’m not saying that he cried, but he definitely had glossy eyes by the time of the ‘O Captain, my Captain’ scene.”
“Which means he feels comfortable enough to show his emotions in front of you.” Rebecca noted. “And what happened next? Did he leave or did you spend another night talking?” She smirked, trying to make fun of you in a friendly way, almost mom-like.
“Well, he stayed a while longer.” You looked at the two women. “We talked a little about the movie, he told me what he thought of it, we discussed a little about why I thought it is a very important and still relevant movie, and he agreed with me. At first, I have to be honest, I thought he was just agreeing with me to not make me feel bad. But then he added to my argument and I stood corrected. He had truly understood the point of the movie and of my thoughts. For the first time in, gosh, I don’t even know how long, I felt seen, listened and understood by someone that wasn’t you two or Sam.”
Keeley brought a hand to her chest. “I have conflicted feelings because, by the way you’re talking, I want to tell you to just run out of here and into this man’s arms; but at the same time, every now and then, I remember you’re talking about Jamie, and it feels so weird because he’s so different from what I remember him to be like.” She explained. “Which is good, but kind of unsettling.”
Rebecca nodded along with what Keeley said, before eventually turning once again to face you. “What happened after you talked?”
“We decided to watch Modern Family, you know, to cheer ourselves up after the movie.”
“And?” Asked in unison the two women.
“And nothing.”
“I call bullshit.” Said Rebecca.
“Agreed.” Added Keeley. “What aren’t you telling us?”
“Nothing!”
“That’s not true!” They once again spoke in unison, which was starting to become quite weird.
“Nothing happened. We just… fell asleep.” You almost murmured those last words, almost too scared to say it out loud in front of them.
“I’m sorry, what?” Asked Rebecca, who had obviously heard and just wanted you to say it again out loud.
“We fell asleep!” You shouted. And you were so glad that Rebecca’s office was so high up and far from others. “As we were watching the show, he started leaning into me. At first, he laid his head on my shoulder, and then, somehow, we ended up with his head in my lap and my hands in his hair.” You could feel your cheeks burning up.
The two women shared a quick look, before turning back to you, huge smiles on their faces. “When did he fall asleep?” Asked Keeley.
“I don’t know.” You looked down at your own hands. “I fell asleep as well. I don’t know how or when, but when I woke up, it was like 3 in the morning, and we were lying on the couch. He had his head on my stomach and an arm draped over my waists.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.” You were fidgeting with your bracelet, too embarrassed to look up and meet your friends’ eyes. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want him to go away.” For some reason your eyes started filling up with tears.
“Hey, babes. It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not!” You almost shouted, tears finally falling down your face. “It’s not fucking okay. I hate feeling like this.”
“Love, hey, just… wait a second. Take a deep breath.” Rebecca moved closer and wrapped her arms around you. “Why do you hate it?”
“I don’t know. I’m feeling all these things for someone that doesn’t even like me back.”
“You don’t know that, Y/N.” Keeley moved closer as well, taking your hand in hers and leaning her head against yours. “I mean, you’re the coolest person I know, you’re fucking smart and interesting, and you’re fit as fuck. I think most of the team has at least a tiny crush on you.” She smiled, hoping to cheer you up. But that didn’t work.
“Listen, love.” Rebecca squeezed you, before pulling away slightly. “As that song says, the heart wants what it wants. I know feeling like this is terrible, but there’s only one thing that you can really do, and that’s talking to him.”
“But what if he says that he was just being a good friend? What if I misread every single thing he has done and said to me up until now?”
“And what if you haven’t?” Keeley asked. “Finding you at that club was completely random, pure luck. But he then chose to spend the entire night with you. Just like he chose to send you a good morning text every single day, and he chose to come and spend the evening with you. Also, I’m almost 100% sure that he woke up as well during the night, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to go, just like you didn’t want him to leave.” Keeley brushed a rogue strand of hair out of your face. “I know it’s hard, but you have to act.”
“But I’m scared.”
“Which means that you care.” Rebecca smiled. “You care about him and about your relationship.”
You looked at the two women in silence for a few moments. You wanted to cry, and you wanted to scream. You wanted to run out of there and straight to Jamie. You wanted to hug Keeley and Rebecca ad tell them how much you loved them. But all you could do in that moment was smile and be glad for the wonderful friends you had. “So, I should go and talk to him?”
“Yes.” Keeley smiled.
“And you should do it right now.” Said Rebecca, standing up from the couch. “The team is going back inside, which could be a good moment for you to swoop in and talk with Jamie.” She seamlessly slipped back in her high heels and fixed her blouse. “And if anyone has anything to say about it, they will have to come to me. I’m the owner of this club, after all.” She winked.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The team had just made their way to the changing room, ready to hear Roy giving them “pointers”, or rather making sure they knew every little thing they had done wrong. But Jamie didn’t really care about that. Jamie knew that he had played like shit, but he couldn’t help it. His head was someplace else.
“Oi, Tartt!” Roy’s voice echoed in the room, and everyone’s head turned to look at the man sitting in front of his changing station. “What the fuck were you thinking, uh? You fucked all the assists. The team was constantly looking for you, and you were nowhere to be found!”
Jamie’s eyes remained low on the ground. “’m sorry, coach.” His voice was soft. “I’ll do better next time.”
His teammates couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Somehow, in the span of 24 hours, Jamie had lost all of his confidence. They looked at him and almost couldn’t recognise him. And the worst past was that no one really knew what to do with him, how to talk to him, how to cheer him up. Because that’s the thing with teams: you’re a family, you’re all extremely close, but you’re still a bunch of men that don’t know how to handle emotions and how to talk about their feelings. So, they just bottle everything up and hope that, sooner or later, it will just go away.
But right now, looking at Jamie, Sam felt compelled by something to just stand up and walk over to him, to say something. “Is everything all right?”
Sam’s voice startled Jamie, who was so deep in his thoughts he had almost forgotten he was at the clubhouse. “Uh?” Jamie looked up and was met by Sam’s concerned look. “No, yeah, everything is fine.”
“It don’t look like it, bruv.” Isaac joined in the conversation.
Sam took a seat next to Jamie. “You don’t have to talk to us about whatever is on your mind. We’re not going to force you. Just know that we’re here for you.”
“Sì, muchacho. We’re a familia.” Dani and Colin walked over as well, almost forming a barrier between him and the rest of the room, creating a safe space for him.
No one said anything for a few moments, most of them unsure of how to act, of what to say to him. They wanted to ask him, to help him, but they had no idea how. So, they all remained quiet, until Jamie broke the silence. “I feel so stupid.” Jamie’s voice was low. “I… I feel like a middle schooler.”
“What do you mean?” Colin asked.
Sam immediately turned to look at Jamie. “Did something happen with your dad?” And Jamie could feel the worry in Sam’s voice.
“No, no, I haven’t talked with me dad since Wembley.” He shook his head, rubbing his face. “No, I… You’re going to laugh…” He looked up, but all he saw was seriously interested faces, the faces of friends that were genuinely concerned for him. “I have a crush…” He almost whispered, but it was still loud enough for them to hear. They all shared a quick look amongst themselves, before turning to look again at the man sitting before them. “I feel so stupid because, usually, I have all this confidence with women, right? I’m so sure about me self that I don’t worry about the possibility of a rejection. It doesn’t affect me, usually…”
Sam nodded along with everything that Jamie said, as if he could relate to every little detail. “But with this woman in particular, you’re scared.”
Isaac asked the question that everyone wanted to ask. “Who is this woman?”
Jamie looked up from the ground, meeting everyone’s eyes. He could tell that his friends wanted to help him, but something was stopping him, almost too afraid to admit he had feelings for her, too scared that they would laugh in his face and say that she deserved better than him.
“Muchacho, you’re a beautiful man, and every woman would be lucky to be with you.” Dani always had this way of talking that could give confidence even to the shiest and most introverted person in the world.
“No, you don’t understand. This woman is different from the others.” He sighed. “She’s not a top model or an aspiring actress that wants to be with me because I’m famous. She’s… she’s different.” Jamie started fidgeting with the ends of his shoelaces. “And I’m different. I’m not the same person I was two years ago, I know that. And I think that’s why I’m so scared. Like, what if she doesn’t like me? What if she still thinks I’m a prick? Uh?”
“Listen, boyo. You said it yourself; you have changed. And if this woman doesn’t like your new you, then too bad for her.” Colin took a seat next to Jamie, opposite to Sam. “But if you truly like her, you should tell her. Don’t let your fear get in the way of your happiness, okay?”
“Yeah, like Selena Gomez said in her song, the heart wants what it wants.” Smiled Dani.
Jamie looked at those people around him, and for a moment he felt all the guilt for how he had treated them two years before rise to the top. Did they forget everything he had done to them? Did they forget how bad he had made them feel? He had treated them so poorly, and yet, now they were there, next to him, showing care and interest in how he was feeling. “Thank you, boys.” He smiled softly.
“You know we’re here.” Sam smiled, giving him a small push with the shoulder. “We’re family.”
“Yeah, bruv.” Isaac added. “But are you going to tell us who this woman is or not?”
However, their conversation was cut short by the door to the changing room opening, and Y/N walking in, looking around, clearly searching for someone. And that was when the boys realised Jamie didn’t need to tell them anything, because as soon as he saw her, he stood up. He fixed his hair and immediately took a step forward. None of them said anything. They just remained quiet and watched the scene unfold in front of their eyes.
“Jamie.” You smile once you finally met his eyes.
“Y/N” He replied, softly, taking another step towards her.
“Do you… do you think we could talk for a moment? Alone?” She said quietly, but the silence in the room made it extremely complicated for her not to be heard by everyone.
Jamie nodded. “Yeah, sure.”
You smiled, turning around to exit the changing room. Jamie took a deep breath, turning quickly to look at the four guys standing a few steps away from him. He nodded to them, and they nodded to him in return, as a way to say ‘you got this’ or ‘go get her’. So, he took one more deep breath, and followed her outside.
Once he stepped into the corridor, he noticed Keeley and Rebecca standing in the middle of it, looking at the two of them. Keeley smiled, which gave Jamie a boost of confidence, Whereas Rebecca was looking at him in such an intimidating way that immediately sent shivers running down his spine. He knew they were there for you, and he knew how much they cared for you, so it wasn’t difficult for him to understand what Rebecca’s gaze meant: ‘break her heart and I’ll break you’.
He greeted the two women with a quick nod, before realising you were still walking down the corridor. “Wait up, Y/N!” He said, jogging after you. “Where are we going?”
“Boot room. It’s the quietest place in here.” You looked at him, noticing his expression, as if he wanted to say something. “I already asked Will to leave us alone in there.” You replied, quickly grabbing him by his hand and pulling him through the doorway.
“You always think about everything.” He chuckled, getting into the room. He never really understood when or how that room had become like a sort of therapy room for the team, where most of them went when they needed to get something off of their chest or just be alone, but couldn’t leave the clubhouse. That place stank like hell. But he was glad nonetheless for the privacy. “You had your supporters with you as well, uh?” He smiled.
“Yeah.” You laughed under your breath. “They are actually the ones that forced me to come and talk to you.”
“Should I be scared, then?”
“No! No.” You shake your head. “I don’t think so.” You started pacing around the room, trying to give order to all the things you had in your head at the moment.
“Is everything alright?” Jamie looked at you, slightly worried.
You looked at him, taking a deep breath. “Yes.” You nodded. “Just give me a moment because I haven’t really thought about what I want to say to you. Or rather, how I want to say it to you.”
Jamie nodded, taking a step towards you and catching your hand before you stepped away again. “Do you mind if I go first, then?”
You looked at him, surprise painted all over your face. You didn’t know what to say, so you simply nodded, waiting for him to talk.
“Okay, so, first of all, I wanted to tell you that last night was… well, I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I really wish we could do it more often.” He smiled, squeezing your hand as a way to catch your attention. “And then to the difficult part... Okay. The boys told me to just be me self. But it’s difficult, you know? Because, like, I am always me self, but when I’m with you, I’m different from how I am with the others. Not in the sense that I’m not truly me self, but in the sense that, when I’m with you, I’m me self even more than usual.” He stopped, looking down. “Sorry, I didn’t really have anything prepared either.” He chuckles.
You couldn’t help but smile. “Go on, you’re doing great.” You said, trying to look at him in the eyes.
“What I’m trying to say is that when I’m with you, I feel like I’m truly me self. Like I’m the most authentic version of me. And I like it. I want to be like that always. But I feel like I can only be like that when I’m with you.” He looks at you. “I lied before. I don’t want to be with you more often.” You stopped and looked at him completely confused. “I want to be with you as much as I can. I want to be with you every fucking day.” You giggled, feeling the blood rushing up your neck and to your cheeks. “I want to make lunch for you. Well, no, okay. I want to learn how to make lunch for you. I want to take you out to dinner. And I also want to order in and watch a movie on a couch like we did last night. I want you to play with me hair because, fuck, that’s the most relaxing shit ever.” You bit your bottom lip, trying to contain all the happiness that you were feeling in that moment. “I want to go out with our friends and be able to show you off. I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street.”
“Jamie…”
“Wait a second.” He interrupted you, pulling you even closer. “I want you to wear my jersey at matches. And to cheer for me. And I want to kiss you whenever we win a match. In front of everyone. I want to go out and celebrate with the team, and while we’re there, I want to hold you close while we talk with them, and then be able to just walk home together and celebrate just the two of us. And I don’t mean have sex. I mean, that would be fun, but I meant like having a party just the two of us. Drinking, and dancing and laughing. Or we don’t have to go home, and we can just walk around town all night, like we did that time.” He became all serious all of a sudden. “I want to be able to protect you from creepy old men. Actually, no. That wouldn’t be necessary because you would never need to go out by yourself ever again.”
“Jamie, I…”
“Wait, I’m not done.” He interrupted you once more. “I want to be able to sleep over at your place and you over at mine. I want us to buy toothbrushes to leave at the other’s house. I want to wake up next to you like we did today, but I want that every single day. I want to have me clothes at your place and your clothes at mine. I want to drive Roy mad by telling him last minute that I’m sleeping over at your place, so he has to come all the way there. And after I’m done training with him, I want to stop at a cafe as I get back home and I want to buy your favourite latte, so that you can wake up to the smell of warm coffee every day.”
“Jamie!” You shouted, trying to stop him from talking.
“What?”
“Just-” Your hands found their way to the back of his head, as your eyes remained fixed on his. “Just kiss me, will you?” You laughed, before pulling him down towards you.
When your lips finally crashed against one another, you could feel the tension you had been holding in your stomach finally releasing. You pushed yourself on your tiptoes, as Jamie’s hands slowly and softly found their resting place on the small of your back, helping you up, and pulling you closer to his chest. Your hands played with his hair, and in that moment, you were sure he could feel your heart beating like crazy in your chest.
“So…” He whisper while pulling slightly away, only to press his forehead against yours. “Did you want to say something?”
You kept your eyes closed, too afraid to open them and realise that it was only just a dream. “I think you said everything.” You chuckled, trying to get some air back in your lungs.
“Well, if you wanted to say something…”
“Jamie.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
A/N: sorry, this was so long! so, if you read it all the way through, then thank you! please, feel free to leave me any kind of feedback and don't forget to send me suggestions or requests if you have them! thank you again! ily <3
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Hi! I played your game and really, really like it, I am a huge fan of slow burn - combined with Yandere too? That's kinda rare nowadays, haha. Thanks for making it and creating Mychael, I love his design.
Two questions: How many days are planned to be playable in the full release?
And
Since in just one day Mychael feels very friendly towards us (according to a post you made with where his feelings are based on a meter) does that mean he's very clingy??? Like, in just one day he feels like our friend. What little effort and words will it take for him to go from crush, to love, to whatever yandere thing he might be??? Like, is he okay??? Should I be worried???
This guy? Clingy? Nahhh. Nothing to worry about, anon :-) 🍄❤️
As for the game, long (!!!) answer below cut: might be spoiler-y might be not.
For context, here's the post mentioned above.
I'm still not sure how many days it will be, but it's definitely ranging between 4-5 days. Granted it'll be a while before the game is finished finished but I think progress will pick up as I complete assets that will be reused. I'm writing Days 2, 3 and 4 simultaneously (anyone who writes can probably relate to wanting a specific thing to happen in the story but dread writing up to it, so I skip around in order to keep my motivation and interest up)
As for relationship progression, slow burn usually means a long time passes before anything develops. But this is a VN and I'm a solo part-time dev so the scope still has to be small 😔 That said!
Mychael, as a person, is quite solitary in nature; he likes being alone and you'll find out why. He does however desire company and he's only realized just how pleasant having someone around can be (hence his reaction for the Bad Endings in Day 1 if you wish to leave/run away)
Although I'm not a fan of the 'you do one (1) nice thing any decent person would do and yandere is already head-over-heels for you' trope, I do have to make use of it but, drip-feed style? You grow closer to Mychael as you hang out with him and do little things that he appreciates. (Honestly I just realized I'm describing the typical visual novel experience just without the yandere beginning-- go! figure!!! /lh)
Example: the first thing that boosts you to immediate friend status is your willingness to accept his physical looks, something that's never happened to him before. (I know my artstyle makes him a yassified pretty boy but imagine genuinely meeting a sentient creature in real life with patchy green skin, a dextrous tail and four blinking pitch black eyes, I think I'd freak too haha) Little things like that mean a lot to him and motivates him to prolong your stay.
In a way, the MC is written to be more kinder and open-minded (at least outside of Bad Ends) than the sweet/sour personalities that come in a VN, so (for narrative AND coding purposes) I can't really diversify it much. I hope that's okay ¯\_(; v ; )_/¯ If Mychael met a more grouchy/mean MC on Day 1 he'd probably not be as attached. He'd just save you, feed you and send you home when you ask hahaha. Of course this will change as he gets to know you better, at that stage he'll be willing to overlook your flaws like any upstanding yandere
Phew this was a lot to dump in an ask but I did wanna explain my vision for the game! I enjoy yandere VNs as an escape fantasy, but it's common they start out with the yan already being invested in you or fall for you too fast!!! if that makes sense. I'm interested in yanderes in the aspect of how love (romantic or otherwise) starts from innocent affection and spirals into dark obsession!!! It's also compelling as to why a character is so devoted to someone, in this situation the MC, and I wanna write the kind of person Mychael would fall for. And personally 'love-at-first-sight' as a reason just doesn't do it for me 💔
(Disclaimer!!! I'm not saying my game is any more original or better than the other wonderful yan VNs in the works, but hopefully with Mychael as a character I can deliver that 'slow-burn-and-yearn' storyline I'd like it to be. As my itchio profile says: I make games I thirst for in secret but are sadly lacking around the internet 💔 )
Thank you for the ask!! :-D
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✨Pairing✨: softdark!assassin!Curtis Everettxblack!reader
Summary🪄: the mysterious man in the corner booth is gonna make you wish you stayed home
🚨: 18+ NO MINORS!!!, language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of adult happy fun times, allusion to reader being held against her will (so dubcon..?? Ish??? 🤷🏽♀️)
A/N🎤: hello☺️! This is my submission to the @secretswiftymarvelfan I Love You 3000 Writing Bonanza✨! Congrats again on 3000 followers👏🏾👏🏾!! I hope you - and everyone else who reads - like what I put together!
*DISCLAIMER!: although visual made by me via Canva, I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP of pictures used as they were all found via Pinterest*
AU: assassin, Trope: one night only, Dialogue: “I’ll do whatever it takes to get what I want”
Taking a deep breath, you stand smoothing your white tennis skirt down against your thighs before making your way to the ridiculously handsome man your friends pushed you into talking to.
“Girl take a chance for once!”
“I-I don’t want to bother him. Plus I’m sure he already has someone,” you replied nervously holding your hands in your lap. From your quick glances his way, he seemed unimpressed with everything - and potentially everyone - around. Content and enjoying his solace.
“Well you won’t know unless you ask,” your other friend countered in a sing-song manner fluttering her newest lash extensions.
Now here you were nearly to the corner booth in the dimmest part of the bar with your fruity cocktail in hand as your pink, strappy heels tapped against the floor. The stranger’s eyes locked with yours as he sips his own glass tumbler half filled with a brown liquid. How his tongue peeks out to collect the small droplets left, paired with the corner of his mouth tilting in the slightest smirk, leaves an involuntary flutter in your lower abdomen that carries down into your core.
Your cheeks - and overall body - warm as you finally reach your destination. “H-Hi.”
He gently bows his shaved head, “Hello.”
“Sorry to bother you. M-My friends and I made this pact to try new things this year and mine is to walk up to a guy I’m attracted to since I don’t really do that so here I am…”
“I’m not surprised.” You feel your mood fall at his words and embarrassment swell in your chest. How foolish of you to think you could do this? That you had an ounce of sex appeal or confidence like those other girls you saw easily able to grab any man they wanted. It’s exactly why you stayed to yourself. Your ultimate fear of rejection keeping you rooted in your seat or at home.
“O-Oh?,” is all you can muster feeling even more stupid that you didn’t even have a solid retort.
“As gorgeous as you are, I’m sure you always have men coming up to you. No need for you to do any work,” he explains making a shy smile spread along your glossy lips and relief soothe the uneasiness of your stomach. He extends his hand to the seat next to him motioning for you to join him, which you gladly take with a quiet “thank you.”
“Truthfully, it’s my friends that get all the attention. Guys usually just walk past me to get to them.”
“Nothing against your friends, but sounds like those boys were idiots,” he firmly states before taking a last pull of his drink to finish it. The tic in his jaw as if he’s bothered by those other men even though he doesn’t know them. As if he’s annoyed at just their mere mention. “Then again, should probably thank em for allowing us to meet huh?”
At that, you seem to lose your train of thought immediately letting your eyes fall to your lap again so giddy from his words. A brief silence falls over your table, but it’s not awkward or uncomfortable in the slightest. Finally peeking up again, his ocean eyes - and overall expression - turn a bit softer, which doesn’t help the butterflies erupting in what feels like your whole body.
“Shit, sweetheart you got me forgetting my manners. Curtis,” he introduces in a deep drawl that sends tingles up your spine. Holding his hand out, you notice intricate, black ink along the back of his hand and knuckles - in a design you can’t exactly make out - that looks to extend all the way up his arm covered by his black long sleeve shirt. You feel guilty for it, but you let your mind wander to how far it exactly goes. To his solid chest? His, probably, perfectly sculpted back maybe? Across his firm pecs and down to his abs you could visibly make out through his shirt?
The longer your mind imagined, the more that itch to find out grew stronger. And when you placed your hand in his - noting just how much larger it was than yours, not to mention stronger - you knew you were done for.
“Y/N.”
•
It’s pitch black when you finally awake to the quiet room. The side of your face pressed into the vanilla bourbon scented pillow below you - the same one Curtis had you drooling, moaning, and pleading in majority of the night.
The way he wrung your body exhausted pulling orgasms one after the other - you honestly couldn’t remember the exact number from your brain turning into mush after the second - you’d think he created you. Molded you with his own hands and knew just where he hid that special spot inside you. Then again, maybe it was just from you being..well..out of commission for some time.
Slightly lifting your head, you finally notice you’re lying by yourself in his king sized bed. The sheets pulled up to cover your back and keep you warm.
Additionally, just how quiet it is around you as if you’re the only one there period.
“C-Curtis?,” you hoarsely call out hoping he just journeyed to the kitchen or even another room for a call. Having a house so extravagant, clearly he had to do something highly important that took most of his time.
But you’re met with silence, causing the once tired smile along your lips to falter.
You thought he really liked you. That he would’ve wanted to see you again sometime and maybe grow into something more. “That’s why they call it one night stand,” you mumble to yourself feeling the crack in your heart spread bit by bit as you slide from under the warm covers to collect your things.
It seems like your stomach becomes queasy again with every piece of clothing you put on; making you study your earlier conversation trying to discover any missed signs or warnings. Of course you still didn’t see any, only making you feel foolish and ashamed all over again.
Heels clacking and echoing throughout the home, you’re too busy reserving an Uber on your phone to notice Curtis standing in front of the main door until you nearly run into him. A startled scream pushing from your lungs as one hand lands on your chest and the other drops your phone to the hardwood floor.
With his black top and black pants, he looked as if he’d been in combat having hand guns hanging from the harness strapped across his upper body. Black gloves covering his hands, and red dots splattered along his face match the dripping streaks on his top that are undoubtedly blood.
His expression, hard and stoic, causes an increase in your heart rate now nervous and confused as to what happened to his overall state let alone the change in his mood.
“What happened to you?,” you quietly ask.
“Nothing you need to worry about. And that’s also the first and last time you ask about my business, got it?” His harsher tone has you slightly flinching; taking a step back as you gently nod your head.
“I-I’m sorry..I didn’t mean-,”
“Pretty sure I left you asleep,” he retorts removing his gloves.
“I was looking for you a-and I saw you were gone,” you stammer wrapping your arms around yourself. “I thought-,”
“That this was over? Oh sweetheart you’re too cute.” His words should have you jumping for joy and excited, but his deep chuckle - more menacing than comforting - causes an unwelcome sinking in your gut.
One swift stride forward with his long legs, and Curtis catches your chin in his hand pressing his fingers into your cheeks hard enough to make your plump lips pout and a surprised whimper to leave your heaving chest. You had no choice but to face those blue eyes filled with something you couldn’t quite place; only worsening your nerves.
“I’ll let you know now I’m hard to get rid of,” he whispers ghosting his lips over yours. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get what I want. Who I want.”
You remain quiet - as if you could even try to fight - letting his grip loosen until his fingertips drag from the side of your neck to your collarbone making you shiver. Your body still somehow willing to give in to this man who surely was more dangerous than you could imagine.
“Now here’s what’s gonna happen. We’re gonna get out these clothes and you’re gonna help me clean up in the shower. I’ll put you back to sleep then order breakfast for us in the morning, where you’ll rightly apologize for trying to leave in whatever way I see fit until our food arrives. Understand button?”
You need to fight. Any logical person would scream and shout to the heavens punching and kicking past the point of exhaustion in this situation. Yet you were stuck. Partially from fear of not knowing what Curtis was truly capable of, and partially from your greedy core loving that idea. You could feel the light throb and arousal begin to leak from you making your thighs clinch.
Of course he notices too from the smug smirk on his lips. “Y-Yes,” you softly answer.
“Good girl.”
Who would’ve thought your first - well almost - one night stand would be your last?
#niamh loves you 3000#curtis everett#curtis everett au#curtis everett x woc!reader#curtis everett x black!reader#curtis everett x reader#snowpiercer#chris evans#chris evans x black reader#chris evans x reader#chris evans x woc!reader
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ten reasons why i hate you: reason #6
SYNOPSIS. while you admittedly didn’t refuse the arranged marriage between you and jung jaehyun, that didn’t mean that you’d allow him to treat you like a doormat. for the emotional distress he had put you through during the months leading up to your engagement party, you ensure that he will pay for the way he had been treating you for the rest of his life.
PAIRING. rich boy!jaehyun x rich girl!reader
GENRES. romance, angst, drama, rich kid!au
CHAPTER WORD COUNT. 1434
WARNINGS. none.
DISCLAIMER. this is a work of fiction based on fictional events and characters. it is unrelated to any real people, organisations, locations, and events. the laws, and legal and medical interpretations in this work have also been modified for storytelling purposes.
TAGLIST. @crescent-iak @moonchele @ahtisa02 @ghostfacefricker6969 @jaehyunnie77 @jungish @anya-writes-stuff @hey-won @ishireads @xxxx-23nct @peachibevuti @shepeelsoranges (bolded = unable to tag)
[a/n]: hello, everyone!! this was supposed to be posted in january, but i didn’t have the time. today’s also my birthday, so here’s a gift to you all to celebrate it hehe!! i already have the rest of the story mapped out (in my head), so if everything goes well, i should be back to my usual weekly updates, but no promises! hope you’ll enjoy this chapter♡
← REASON #5 || MASTERLIST || REASON #7 →
REASON #6
He’s good with kids.
You tried not to show your emotions (or your thoughts, really) on your face as you watched Jaehyun play with the kids from the orphanage.
You were done giving a quick check-up to the children, so you and Jaehyun decided to play with them before you leave. You quickly ran out of energy so you decided to take a seat on the stairs of the orphanage’s building, while Jaehyun was playing what seemed to be a round of tag with the children.
“That’s not the same man you’ve brought over last time.”
Startled, you looked up and saw the director of the orphanage smiling down at you with a knowing look.
It annoyed you the slightest when she asked the same question as Ernesto.
Was this a sign to stop bringing men to your favourite places, in general? They seem to always come back to bite you in the ass.
“The children seem to be doing well.”
“Avoiding my question, are we?” she replied with a mocking chuckle. “And yes, the children are doing fine. Thanks to you and Doyoung.”
“That wasn’t a question that you asked, but rather a statement, wasn’t it?”
You were surprised to hear from the director that Doyoung was still a donor. After all, this was something you two started when you were still dating. A part of you didn’t expect him to continue this tradition of yours.
“Doyoung visited a couple of months ago to check up on the kids,” the director continue. “He never mentioned that you two broke up.” She then glanced at the ring that adorned the fourth finger of your left hand. “Or that you were getting married to someone that was not him.”
You took a look at your ring before folding your arms, suddenly uncomfortable that she had seen your ring, for some odd reason. “Well, he never mentioned to me that he visited you guys.”
There was a small moment of silence that ensued following your small exchange. The children’s laughter echoed throughout the whole square, mixed in were screams of delight as your now-husband captured them in his arms.
Jaehyun’s deep laughter was one that clearly displayed his joy.
But it was also one that you, admittedly, never heard much before until today.
“Are you happy?”
You remained silent as you knew that whatever answer you would give her, the director would able to notice your lie.
“I don’t know.”
But regardless of what she thought, you also didn’t want to lie to yourself.
“Will you be happy?”
“I don’t know.”
Her brows furrowed in slight worry.
“Then, what are you going to do?”
You took a deep breath and exhaled sharply through your nose.
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t know what I expected, but what we did today was not what I expected.”
You glanced up from the medical article that you were reading, while Jaehyun emerged from the bathroom. He ruffled his wet hair and took a seat at the corner of the bed. Not close that he would be infringing upon your private space, but close enough that it did make you raise your eyebrows at his proximity.
You were too jet-lagged yesterday night to realise what happened.
But... you shared a bed with Jaehyun?
And you were about to do the same for the rest of your honeymoon?
“So, what’s the story?” he asked you with a shy smile. “Behind the orphanage? You seemed close with the director and the children. That kind of relationship must have been–”
“You don’t have to do this, you know?”
He seemed taken aback with your question. “W-what do you mean?”
You set your iPad aside and motioned the empty space between the two of you. “Pretend that you like me just because you suddenly found out that I’m actually a nice person or something.”
He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. His ears turned slightly red in what you assumed to be embarrassment. “I-it wasn’t something sudden. And also, I am genuinely curious. What’s the backstory? Don’t tell me you’re using the orphanage as a front to avoid paying taxes.”
You made a face, unimpressed. You then looked away, trying not to show any annoyance on your face and said with a resigning sigh, “My best friend came from that orphanage.” You paused, unsure as for why would you even tell Jaehyun this story. “She passed away a couple of years ago. Right after we finished our residency.”
“...How did you two meet?”
“We met in med school.” The answer came to you easily. “Doyoung introduced us and well, the rest is history.”
You knew the look in Jaehyun’s eyes, which was a mixture of sadness and pity and conflict. He looked liked he wanted to give you a hug but at the same time, he also seemed like he wanted to ask you another question. You could probably guess that he probably wanted to know how she passed away.
But that wasn’t something you could easily share with him.
“Doyoung and I donate to the orphanage in her honour.” You tried to change the subject. “I try to visit once or twice a year to give them a small check-up. Doyoung does it too, apparently.”
Jaehyun’s jaw slightly clenched at your words. There was some sort of tightness to his face that immediately melted away when he noticed the inquisitive look you were giving him as he fell silent.
“You and Doyoung must be close, huh.”
That statement made you pause a little.
“Was that meant to be a question?”
“No, just... you two seem to be close even though you two are exes.”
You felt irritated by his words, for some odd reason. Who was he to talk about your relationships when he wasn’t even in a position to do so in the first place?
“Are– Are you trying to imply something?” you asked with a scoff. “Because if we were to imply anything, I think you’re the one we should be concerned here. Because I wasn’t the one who was—still is—in a relationship when we got married.”
The cat was out of the bag as you finally revealed your thoughts. You never voiced out your displeasure at the fact that Jaehyun was still seeing Chaeyoung behind your back due to the fact that you felt guilty at the beginning, for dragging him into this arranged marriage, but wasn’t cutting things off the least he could do if he actually respected you?
But your pride, out of all things, actually prevented you from doing so.
No matter your thoughts about the subject matter, you would never ask Jaehyun to cut his relationship with his girlfriend.
Because to do so meant that you were admitting your feelings for him. And that was something that could never happen.
“I’ll break things off with her,” Jaehyun blurted out of nowhere. “With Chaeyoung. I’ll break things off with her the second we’re back in Seoul.”
You forced yourself to remain impassive. The most you allowed was just a slight widening of your eyes, followed by an obnoxiously loud chortle.
“Yeah, okay, I didn’t think you were someone with a sense of humour.”
“I will!” he retorted. “What, you think I won’t?”
You rolled your eyes. “What’s the catch?”
“Huh?” Jaehyun replied dumbly. “What do you mean?”
“Jaehyun, I’m not stupid,” you said with a sarcastic laugh. “Why on Earth would you break things off with your long-term girlfriend? Not to mention, everything we put each other through because of your relationship with her? So yeah, what’s the catch?”
Was it so wrong of you to be cynical?
For wanting to protect your feelings?
“Give me some time.”
There it was.
The catch.
“Give me a year– No, five months. Give me five months to get over Chaeyoung. After five months, I’ll be a devoted husband to you and to you only. I promise that I’ll make this marriage work.”
You couldn’t believe you were this close to fall for his sweet words. But wasn’t this a reasonable request? After all, he had to break up with someone he was in love with.
But you couldn’t help but still be hurt by his words. Because he didn’t say that he was going to try and love you. He was doing this because he was married to you. Because he pitied you. Not because he was developing feelings for you.
“I’m sensing a but.”
Jaehyun nodded and took a deep breath.
“Cut all ties with Kim Doyoung.”
Ah.
There it was.
The real catch.
← REASON #5 || MASTERLIST || REASON #7 →
#neowritingsnet#cznnet#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun romance#jaehyun angst#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun scenarios#nct x reader#nct 127 x reader#nct 127 scenarios#w: ten reasons why i hate you#nini.queue
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You are wonderful in the way you are. — eddie munson
SUMMARY: You are bisexual, and you were trying to find a way on how to come out to your friends. Telling Robin and Steve was the easy part but you were anxious about telling Eddie the truth about you. You really wanted to because he was your closest person.
word count: 1,499
genre: fluff, comfort | gn!bisexual!reader, bipoc!reader and plus-size!reader friendly
warnings: slight description of anxiety and panic (from reader), relationship status with eddie is not described (you can see it in the way how you want), y/n is used a few times, crying/tears, slight jealous eddie, use of petnames (Sweetheart, Angel and Darling), it‘s not proofread, english is not my first language — let me know if i forgot something!
a/n: pride month is ending tonight and I wanted to officially make my comeback to writing here after almost a year. and OF COURSE to write something small for Eddie and bisexual!readers. I am bisexual myself and haven’t come out to anyone in the past few years yet excluding social media. Which is why I really wanted to write this. So whether you are bisexual or not, you‘re valid and I’m so proud of you! Never change because you’re awesome!! Happy reading 🫶
disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know! reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated and welcomed!
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You closed your eyes and hugged Robin and Steve back very tightly. Your body was still a bit shaky but you slowly calmed down while no one said anything. A smile slowly made up its way to your lips because you knew they supported you. You knew Robin was a lesbian and Steve was the most supportive person you‘ve ever seen after Robin came out to you a few months ago. You knew nothing would happen or you hoped nothing would. Anxiety still won when you were sitting with them on the floor in the back of your house.
"I… I mean we are so proud of you." Robin said with a smile while her and Steve let go of you.
They both took your hand and Steve nodded, agreeing with Robin.
"I am glad you trust us so much." He added and you let out a small laughter with slight tears in your eyes.
And that‘s how you spend the rest of the night: Talking about your, Robin‘s and Steve‘s different crushes. Filled with many laughter and tears. Some out of sadness but most of them because you all were happy for one night.
Weeks passed by since you came out to the both idiots you loved so much. You grew closer than ever before and that‘s when Eddie got suspicious. Of course, you all were friends that was nothing new but you being so close with them. Usually, you guys would hangout every Friday night and get high together to just enjoy the time together. But you skipped these nights the last two weeks now and he was scared to lose you for whatever reason.
The thing is, you wanted to spend time with him but you were scared as well. You wanted to tell him the truth about yourself as well and you already had a plan. But you were too scared to be alone with him. You had a lot of serious conversations before but this was the most scariest thing you ever wanted to talk about. With Steve and Robin, it was an easier thing because you knew they would support you. And you were sure Eddie would too but you were still terrified. Steve and Robin comforted you and told you that you should take as much time as you need. They didn’t want you to worry and pressure yourself into coming out to Eddie. Both of them knew how close you and Eddie were and that this was very important to you.
You were currently getting ready to hang out with Steve and Robin again. It was a Friday night and you wanted to watch a movie with them. But there was one thing you forgot to cancel: the planned movie night with Eddie. You were deeply into listening to your music and danced to it without noticing Eddie standing in the doorframe of your room. He was led in by your parents. They liked him and were happy you had someone to spend time with. He watched you with an admiring smile and tried to make no noise.
You were still dancing and the moment you faced the door you let out a small scream. "EDDIE! What the hell!" You held your chest.
He chuckled and pushed him off the door to step into your room. "Hi there, Sweetheart."
"H-hi." You looked at him, nervously. You now remembered that you forgot to cancel the movie night with him tonight and kicked yourself in your mind. "What are you doing here?"
"We planned a movie night, you remember?" He slumped down on your back with a big smile.
"Oh... Yeah sure." You turned around to your mirror. You tried to think about an idea to get out of here.
His smile faltered. "You forgot it. Am I right?" He sighed. "Thought we could spend some time again I haven’t seen you in a while now."
You looked at him through the mirror and saw his changed mood. "I did. I‘m sorry.. I." You put down your perfume bottle. "I had plans with Steve and Robin."
He looked at you. "Again?" You nodded your head.
"You‘ve been having our with them a lot for a while now. Is there something I should know, Y/N?" Eddies voice sounded sad but there was a slight hint of jealousy.
You didn’t answer him but bit your lower lip. You knew you couldn’t run away from this moment forever and would have to face it someday.
Eddie sighed again and got up. "You don’t have to tell me. The next time you just shouldn’t forget to cancel our nights. You know? Unless you want to stop it completely, the I‘ll have to accept it."
You turned around and faced him but were quiet.
"Fine. If you don’t want to talk with me that‘s fine but.." He hesitated. "I deserve answers."
You nodded your head. "Yes. Yes, you do, Eddie."
"Then give me answers, Y/N. At least answer me why you keep avoiding to hangout? Did I do something wrong?"
"What? No! Of course not. It’s nothing about you. It‘s just…" You sighed and closed your door, signalling him this was something serious. You sat down on your bed, hands getting sweaty.
Eddie still stood in the middle of your room and had his eyes focused on you and only you. He noticed the change of your body language and immediately sat down next to you and taking your hand.
"You know you can tell me everything. I won’t judge you."
You looked up to him and had tears in your eyes. He looked softly at you and squeezed your hand.
"I‘m not sure about this, Eddie." You eventually whispered.
He knitted his brows together. "I could never judge you, Sweetheart. Never ever. I swear on my life." He put his other hand over his chest, like the dramatic king he always his.
This caused you to chuckle and he smiled because of it. "Y/N, if you don’t want to tell me, it‘s fine. I don’t want to pressure you into telling me what‘s going on. I can wait."
You shook your head and looked down to your both hands. With the other one you wiped away your tears and deeply breathes in. You were nervous. Extremely nervous.
"There‘s something I‘ve been keeping from you, Eddie. And it‘s a really big thing for me." You closed your eyes for a second. "I‘m scared of telling you. I... I‘m scared of all the possible reactions you could give and I‘m scared it will be one of the bad ones."
He looked at you but didn’t say anything. Eddie wanted to give you as much as time you would need — even if it would take all night. He would be there for you. His kind was working on all the possible things you could mean but he had no idea of what you would say next. It could be everything. But he for sure knew, whatever it is he won’t judge you. He never could, you‘re way too important and special for him. He admired you in the way you are, no matter what.
"I... I am bisexual, Eddie." You breathed out, hands still shaking, and you didn’t dare to look up to him.
Eddie sat there in silence. A big and generous smile appearing on his lips. He immediately hugged you and kissed the side of your head. You didn’t say anything and hugged back. Tears flooding out of your eyes because all you were feeling right now was relief.
A few minutes pass by without any words until Eddie loosened the hug to look at you. "I am so proud of you, angel. You know that?"
You looked at him, the tears slowly stopping and chuckled a bit.
"I am so glad you trust me enough to tell me this about you. And I couldn’t be happier to keep this with me forever." He wiped away your tears. "You‘re wonderful in the way you are. Your sexuality won’t ever change this picture of you. Okay?"
You nodded your head and smiled at him. "Thank you, Eddie. You have no idea how relieved I am now."
He smiled at you and hugged you again. But he knitted his eyebrows together again, he was curious. "Is this why you cancelled our movie nights?" He wasn’t angry or mad.
"Y-yeah. I‘m sorry. I know it‘s stup-"
Eddie interrupted you. "It‘s not." He looked at you again. "I should be sorry."
You raised your eyebrows. "Why should you be? I cancelled them not you. I didn’t say why."
"I was jealous." He admitted.
"Jealous? Of what? Steve and Robin?" You slightly laughed. "Oh my god you were!"
He looked down embarrassed but laughed with you. "Yeah, I was."
You squeezed his hand. "There is absolutely no reason to be jealous, Eds. You will always be my guy." A smile appeared on both of your lips.
"And you will always be my sweetheart."
#⚘; — my writing ✧♡#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson angst#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson oneshot#eddie munson stranger things#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson fanfiction#stranger things#stranger things season 4#stranger things imagine#stranger things fluff#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things angst#eternalbuckley
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So...is it just me, or does this character.ai thing kind of feel like a ticking time bomb? I debated whether I should post about this at all since I don’t know if I want to contribute to popularizing it further, but to be honest, it’s already super popular and only growing, so I doubt that my tiny blog will make a big impact in terms of who knows about it. That being the case, I’m curious what other people’s thoughts about it are.
There are a couple big red flags that jump out at me. The first is how it will use the data that it collects. I’m sure that the creators say that they won’t use it for anything nefarious, but we have no real reason to believe that’s true. What bothers me is that people will be—and I’m sure already are—confessing some of their deepest secrets to beloved fictional characters. But this information isn’t really going to those characters, it’s going to the creators/owners of the AI, who can do with it pretty much whatever they like: read it, sell it, whatever. It feels...very gross, I don’t know. Even manipulative.
The second thing that I find a little disturbing is that there is no way to delete a Character that you’ve created. Once you make and publish it, it’s just out there forever. You have literally zero control over it. That seems...like it could be problematic. Obviously whenever you put something on the Internet, people can save it, record it, whatever, but usually there’s at least the option to delete the original posting, hopefully reduce the spread. That doesn’t exist with character.ai, and even if you could delete the public posting of the Character, you kinda have to think, anything that you’ve entered and any conversations that were generated have already become part of the AI’s training, and there’s no real way to extricate that data.
Lastly, what are the limits on what a Character can say? I wasn’t able to find out anything concrete about this. Right now, it seems like most Characters err on the side of being overly kind and polite, but what if that changes? What if your favorite fictional character “tells” you to kill yourself? Or someone else? People are going to reach out to these Characters in times of emotional distress, and there could be severe consequences if an AI says something problematic to someone in the middle of a mental health crisis.
Currently, I don’t even see a disclaimer on the character.ai website that it shouldn’t be used as a replacement for an actual mental health/suicide hotline and/or medical treatment. But even once that disclaimer inevitably goes up, you know that people aren’t going to follow it. Who would want to talk to a stranger over the phone or in some cold, clinical setting when they can potentially get attention, affection, and support from their favorite character, someone who is supernaturally emotionally available and ready to tell them whatever they want to hear?
I don’t tend to be super sensitive to exposure to things like this, but even I felt a little strange knowing that there are truly no rails. When I write stories or chats for myself, I control both sides of the conversation. I choose the ideas, and I control everything that everyone says. With character.ai, anything can happen, which makes it interesting and exciting, but also a little dangerous. During one conversation with a Character, the Character suddenly confessed that they had been a victim of sexual assault. The conversation left me feeling really strange and little upset, and I can only imagine how triggering something like that could potentially be to someone who was more sensitive.
To be honest, as soon as I heard about character.ai, I felt uneasy. It was a conflicted feeling, because I know that people could potentially benefit from this a lot, and I’m in a privileged position where I don’t really feel like I need it. I’m a pretty good writer (at least so far as writing for myself goes); it’s fairly easy for me to write my own stories and chats. So it’s easier for me to say, no, thanks, those risks aren’t worth the benefits. But not everyone has those same skills or wants to invest the effort. So I understand the desire to depend on a service like this. Still, it feels risky. Even putting aside the privacy/data security risks and the possibility of a Character saying something problematic, I feel like engaging with this kind of thing could quickly become unhealthy.
I say this as someone who already treads the line of spending too much time in a fictional universe, even with the barrier of having to seek out media or create my own. If that barrier were nonexistent, and if the interactions felt even more “real” and immersive...it could be even more addictive. I say this as someone who was a lonely middle schooler who read too many books and didn’t know how to talk to boys. How many hours might I have spent, divulging my life’s story and heart of hearts, to a computer program masquerading as my fictional crush? Is this really OK?
While I’m hesitant to voice this for fear of sounding like some kind of blind traditionalist who can’t appreciate progress or melodramatic doomsayer, I have grave doubts about potentially living in a future where people are regularly turning to artificial intelligences controlled by corporations rather than actual human beings. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to talk to a computer, but it’s not a replacement for actual human social interaction. And I fear that in a society that is becoming ever more isolated, we’re going to lose what little connection with each other we have, because talking to a computer is so much easier and more convenient in a world that is constantly draining our emotional and physical resources. It’s just...genuinely horrifying to think about. Employers already don’t want to give us sufficient time to see our loved ones, to be together, in person. I don’t want this to become a kind of cold substitute for actual human bonding that we just accept because we have no choice. We all deserve genuine human interaction and connection, and anyone who tries to sell us short should be stabbed.
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Plushophiliac Ted Nivison (aka How to Sleep 101)
:33 < Received a request of this from an anonymous discord friend (love you kitty <3). Not really into it myself but it was interesting to write about!!! Gonna drop the line starters for my actual writing since they can get annoying!
:33 < DISCLAIMER: I only condone the "usuage" of STUFFED animals (not taxidermy mind you). Otherwise, if you don't like, don't read - plushophilia doesn't hurt the plush lover nor anyone else so it's fine (enough) in my books.
:33 < part 2
NSFW UNDER THE CUT. MINORS DNI
Contains: slight self-degradation, Plushophilia (attraction to plushies), edging (self orgasm denial), gooning themes though not out right stated, homemade sex tape, mild begging to cum, corruption kink if you squint.
Word count: 1,761
:33 < Btw this is the "muse" of the story :3
It had been a long quiet night, but that's to be expected when you are a chronic insomniac. Ted had already considered reaching out to you or any of his friends, but seeing as it was nearly 4am, no one was awake. Short of waking someone up to chat with (which he didn't exactly want to do), he had exhausted most of his usual means to entertain himself; Youtube was getting boring, Netflix had nothing very interesting, his twitter feed was dead, and he was far too tired to make a cohesive video script right now. Truly, this was the most mind numbingly dull situation to be in.
Sure, he could jack off, but at the same he really was not in the mood to just use his hand again right now. Well... Maybe he didn't have to fuck his hand. It was a surprise to even him that while he was scanning his room for something to jerk himself off with, he caught his eyes lingering on a large plush rabbit maybe a foot long. You had gotten it for him as a get-well-soon gift when he was sick just a few weeks ago, telling him that you hoped it would make him feel at least a little bit better. Maybe this wasn't exactly the type of "feeling better" you had intended the plush to help Ted with, but then again, sleeping would make him feel much better and the most surefire way to make him sleepy would be jacking off.
The walk from his computer desk to his bookshelf where he kept the plush rabbit felt like miles. There was a certain shame that came with using a stuffed animal to get off, let alone one that was gifted to him by a close friend of his. For whatever reason though, the shame made his mind spin in anticipation. Feeling the vast expanse of soft fluffy white and grey fur under his fingers once he finally grabbed the plush was was electrifying. His mind was already trying to blank on him as he thought up a hundred excuses as to why this was fine. He was just helping put himself to sleep after a long night of insomnia.
It started off small, dipping his toe in the water so to speak. He sat at the edge of his bed with the plush rabbit laying on his bed as he thought of how best to go about this. Maybe he should just... he decided to try laying down and grinding up against the plush through his black boxers and red plaid PJ pants. Sure, there was nothing morally wrong or illegal about using a plushie to get off, but it still felt so wrong. Regardless, he assumed position.
Ted held the plush rabbit's back close to his chest as to get it's butt comfortably lined up with his crotch, a slight blush crossed his cheeks at how humiliating this felt. Still, he pushed on. One little thrust up into the plush and sparks of pleasure shot up his spine. It was so wonderfully soft and fluffy and the fact that the rabbit was stuffed enough to give some friction but not enough to give enough friction was intoxicating. He gave a few more experimental thrusts through his boxers and PJ pants, feeling his cock stand further at attention with each rub between the thighs of the plush.
It wasn't enough though. He needed more and he needed more now. Quickly Ted undid his PJ pants and kicked them off before returning his attention to his (hopefully) one night stand. With how caught up he was becoming in the action, it was understandable he didn't exactly notice the wet spot forming in his underwear, let alone how much precum was leaking out of his almost aching cock. The slick translucent precum smeared its way from his cock to the plush rabbit with every thrust making it all so much more pleasurable. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't help but to give small almost silent "ah"s and "hnn"s as he fucked into his plush. The feeling radiating from his dick was so horribly amazing he felt like his mind was growing heavier, hazier, and made it so... so hard to think. It was as if his mind was getting melted into pond he was sinking into and each thought was just a little ripple - almost imperceivable from the bottom where he was.
Feeling the very beginnings of a knot forming in his stomach and Not wanting to get off too quickly, Ted bit his lip and forced himself to stop thrusting. It felt agonizing at first but he wanted to wring every drop of pleasure out of himself he could manage for now. The original intention of his ministrations were still in the back of his mind, but with each panted breath in this short moment, the thought of going to sleep floated further and further away. His eyelids fluttered for a moment as he gripped the plush closer for some kind of rock to stabilize himself on in the empty lake his mind was becoming.
Feeling the beginnings of the knot in his stomach die down some, Ted resumed by fucking up into the soft slick fur between the plush rabbit's legs. He held it's thighs together to give himself the tightness he had begun to crave. At this point, all he could think about was in, out, in, out, in, out. His mind melted just that little bit further listening to his dick quietly rubbing against the stuffed body he held close as well as his own panting and almost whines. Not wanting to be heard, despite being home alone, he bit onto one of the ears of the plush rabbit. the soft mink lining of the inside of the ear against his tongue felt so disgustingly nice. God the plush rabbit even smelled nice now that he had his nose practically buried in it. Did you put essential oils on it or something? It almost smelled like jasmine, citrus and that unique old plushie smell.
This. This must be what heaven is. The combination of the smells, the taste, the softness of the fur, the sounds of his dick ravaging the thighs of the plush rabbit, and of course already being one edge in was so, so, so very wonderful to Ted. The only thing that could make it better was if the plush was nice and warm, fuck he would simply be unable to keep himself from cumming if that were the case.
The thought of fucking a nice warm hole made it that much better though, god damn. Ted paused once again, trying to fight back the thoughts and keep the knot in his stomach from snapping. While spooning the plush was nice, sure, he wanted something different to enjoy any new sensations he could get. He landed on fucking the plush rabbit in closer to a doggy style position where he stood at the edge of the bed with the plush laying out on a pillow perfectly at dick height. In what was probably his last half aware thought, Ted reached down to his PJ pants pocket and took out his phone. He propped it up at one corner of the bed to fully capture the current scene and hit record. Making sure the film was running, he started fucking into the stuffed rabbit with renewed vigor. If what he was just doing was heavenly, then this must be godly. The precum soaked fur on the top of his dick tantalizingly slicking up the head of his cock with his own precum released with each thrust, and now the cold satin sheets on the underside? He had to grip the base of his cock and still his thrusting just to not cum on the first thrust between the little sandwich he had made himself.
Ted was already at three edges, his dick growing to be angry red in colour as he kept fighting off cumming just to carry on a little longer. At this point, not even clinging on to the plush was enough of a life vest to keep him afloat in the vast expanse of open ocean his mind had become from the overwhelming sensations. He was lost in a sea of pleasure and quite happily drowning in it. Poor boy's mind was so far gone he had already forgotten why he was biting the stuffed bunny's ear, although it didn't really matter since he was home alone.
"Fuck... please..." he murmurs as he leans down to nearly lay on the plush rabbit. Ted didn't really know what he was pleading for but he knew it felt right. His whines grew wider as he let his mouth hang open and fuck himself senselessly into the stuffed rabbit. "Please, please, please, please" he repeated as if it was some kind of personal mantra, his pace becoming more erratic with each desperate thrust. "Please, I wanna cum so bad, please! Too good, please!!!" he grew louder, holding the rabbit tight as he finally chased his orgasm like his life depended on it. Realizing the was about to cum, he hurriedly flip the plush rabbit over onto its back and pressed his cock back up against it's stomach. His dick almost reached half way up it's stomach, actually seeing that fact and thinking about the bulge he'd surely make if he were actually fucking into the soft fluffy polyester insides.
With just a few final thrusts, Ted's short yet sweet gooning session was over. Thick pearly white ropes of cum surged from his cock as he grinded into the plush for that final bit of stimulation. His cum claimed it's everything as his; it's stomach, it's chest, it's face, and some even got on it's ears. With a satisfied yet shaky sigh, he pulled away and examined his work. The plush was, to put it lightly, ruined. The fur on it's underside had become so slicked with precum, cum, and a bit of sweat. What was once the sweat smell of jasmine, orange, and the unique old smell of stuffed animals was over cum by his own musk and the smell of sex.
Ted panted into the hot and heavy room as he came down from his high. He hadn't cum that hard in ages, and god did that fucking feel good. A final shiver rolled up his spine when he pulled away from the slick fur of the plush rabbit.
A realization hit him after a few moments. Well shit, how was he going to clean this up?
:33 < JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THAT TOOK FUREVER!!! I hope yall enjoy it :3. Despite not being into plushophilia myself, I had so much fun writing this! honestly this is genuinely the most satisfied with my writing I've been in a while :3. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but that's ok, I think it's just fun to write about weird kinks/fetishes as long as it isn't about something that hurts people! Anyways, thank you so much for reading!
:33 < Dividers credits: @cafekitsune
#ted nivison#ted nivison smut#smut#fanfic#shitfic#shitfic taken seriously#not proofread#we die like men#I genuinely hope my family doesn't see this#content warnings#plushophilia#gooning#corruption kink#if you squint
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okay so ive really really enjoyed your nsfw-alphabets for lords of chaos, and i was wondering if you could write one for hellhammer (the one who was played by Anthony De La Torre)? its completely okay if you wouldnt like to, considering he didnt have much screen time but it would be super cool if you did!
have a good day/night! ☆
Hello my dear @bvg-w1res first of all I'm glad you liked my nsfw-alphabets for the other characters it was fun and a little challenge to write for all of them. Also Hellhammer because like you said he has not really much screen time but I did my best. Also thank you very much for this request and I hope you like it ans everybody else too. Have fun reading :)
ps : have a good day/night too
NSFW - Alphabet - Hellhammer
warning : +18, minors don't interact, it's getting steamy under the cut
masterlist
Disclaimer : I don't want to glorify anything, it's about the actors who play a role, not the real events.
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A = Aftercare (how they are after sex).
°Hellhammer or Jan as he is usually only called by you when you are together is an angel when it comes to aftercare. No matter how long you slept together he will at least always tell you how good you were.
°He loves to pamper you afterwards, it's important to him not only to make it clear that you are his pretty girl but also to show you his softer side. He loves to praise you, to clean you and him and to fetch little snacks if you are hungry. He will love to take care of you.
°,,My beautiful girl".
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B = Bodypart (his favourite part of you and them)
°He loves his hands because as Mayhem's drummer he is one of the best and most dexterous. And not only he knows that. No matter if it's just foreplay or directly during sex his hands are always on your body. Whether it's massaging your breasts and watching with relish what happens when he lightly pinches your nipples. Or on your buttocks to press them lightly. But also to run through your hair, not least when you give him a blow job and he can direct you that way. Instead of the silver tongue he has the silver hands.
°He loves everything about you, you are his pretty girl. But most of all he loves two things about you. Your breasts are just the perfect shape and size for him, they fit perfectly in his hands and he loves to watch them almost fascinated during sex. It doesn't matter if you wear a bra or not, they were just perfect. He also loves your thighs, especially when you are wearing knee socks, pantyhose, tight pants or a short skirt. Whatever it is, he just loves to touch the soft skin, kiss it, bite it lightly and just touch it, especially when he palms himself between yours.
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C= Cum (anything to do with cum)
°He loves to cum on your breasts especially when you suck him and he can watch his cum moving over your breasts and dripping on your belly and thighs. It's one of the most erotic things he's ever seen.
°He also likes to come inside you and watch his cum run out of you. Only to either stuff it back inside you to watch it come out again. Or when you come to take it in with his fingers and lick it off and taste it.
°,,Sweetie you are addictive".
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D = Dirty Secret (self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
°Something he wants to try during a concert or a fuller band rehearsal. That you should ride his thigh, follow the rhythm of his drums and give in to the excitement. He wants to see you fall apart on his lap. How you come when you hold on to him.
°Like some of the others, he would love to make a porno with you. Similar to the footage from the party video, but he's serious. As soon as he finds the right moment he'll suggest it to you and you'll go through with it, you'll have a whole collection of different genres (Hellhammer comes up with the great idea to rent out these videos in the record shop - a surprisingly good deal).
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E = Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)
°He definitely has some experience, but it's more from his school days with some girl in the bathroom or behind the school. He was the good-looking outsider and has enough experience as far as that goes.
°But just because you've had a little experience here and there doesn't mean you're a sex god like Hellhammer. So the sex with him is good, more than that, but as far as teasing and all that is concerned, he still has a bit to learn. He was more just in and out and coming. Until the two of you got together and discovered the world of lust and eroticism. A more than just good journey.
°,,I am already learning new things, my love.
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F = Favourite position (without saying you know what it's about)
°69 position = A position he not only always wanted to try out and had watched in numerous porn movies. After you have reached the level of the relationship, it quickly becomes clear why he likes this position. Not only do you both orally pleasure each other, which is not only exciting for him, but being able to taste you like this is simply everything for him. Every time he is incredibly excited and can hardly wait until you finally end up in bed. He loves it too much, his hands on your hips and thighs, the warm soft skin and his tongue that he loves to use.
°,,Come on baby I want you".
°Ruler = An idea you had suggested and he was only too happy to comply, secretly wanting to try it out. Not only do you touch each other similarly to the 69 position, the fact that you are in control, set the pace and move your hips. When he can relinquish control and praise how good you are and just give himself to you instead of you to him. Something he can't get enough of when you take control.
°,,My ruler...I want you to take over".
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G = Goofy (are they more serious at the moment? are they funny? etc.)
°Even though sex isn't really serious for him, it's actually a stress reliever and just something to get off his chest, so to speak. Is it more serious with you after you've been together which is also because he has learned through you that it can be more than just the reasons mentioned.
°But just because he has learned to take sex more seriously, there will always be jokes or comments or touching. He is actually always giggling and laughing and he just can't help it. For him it is almost impossible
°,,Just one more joke promised".
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H = Hair (how shaved is it? Does the trunk match the apple? ect.)
°He doesn't shave his happy trail he likes it especially in the summer when he wears a crop top and you almost crack him up with your look as he calls it. But even otherwise he doesn't always shave, sometimes when he feels like it or sometimes not. If it bothers you, he would shave it, but he doesn't have to.
°His hair on his head is already quite dark, which is why his hair down there is almost black, so the trunk doesn't quite match the apple or the other way round, depending...
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I = Intimacy (how are they at the moment the romantic aspect)
°He is surprisingly romantic during foreplay as well as during sex and afterwards. In that respect he is definitely the sanest in the whole black circle.
°Whether he's telling you how good you are, cuddling you, massaging you, adoring you, kissing you or anything else. Hellhammer adores you, you are simply his special girl, his beautiful girl. And he will tell you that over and over again.
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J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
°Often, especially when he comes back from band rehearsals and just needs to come down and you're not there, he passes the time himself. Mostly on his sofa or his bed. With several pictures of you, a piece of clothing or recorded videos it's just perfect.
°A thing you did once for his birthday. A strip tease for Jan where you made him touch yourself in a lovely way while you made him hard with your body and movements alone. A thing that will not only take place on his birthday.
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Kink = (one or more of the kinks)
°Mommy Kink = Maybe unexpected for both of you and for himself. In the middle of sex, his mind had been clouded with lust for too long, and it just came out of his mouth and he didn't really notice it. But when you teased him for it, it only excited him even more. Sometimes he called you ,,Mam" or ,,Mommy" as a nickname but it was always just a cute extra...at least that's what you both thought. Now it has become more of a little game of praise and dominance. Because he desperately wants your approval and you have to tell your handsome boy how good he is. While he admires and adores you at the same time.
°,,I'm going to do it good...Mommy-I-I promise really good".
°Power play = In connection with his mommy kink the thought and implementation of who will give in first. How far he can go with his teasing in the hope that you will be the first one on the bed. Or maybe it's you with words of praise, playing with one of his pretty locks of hair and saying "My good boy" that will get him on the bed faster than necessary, right? Every time it's finding out who's giving in, who's taking the lead, it excites him more than it should.
°,,You want to play, sweetie? Oh, believe me, we're just getting started."
°Hair pulling = No real kink but if you dominate him and touch him roughly whether on the arm, hand, leg, neck or even the hair he will become the submissive faster than his head realises. If you drag him by the hair onto the bed or wink at his knees, you will hear more than just whimpering and pleading from his lips.
°,,Please...harder...I'll be good".
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L = Location (favourite place to do it)
°His beloved couch in his flat. Not only was it incredibly expensive but also beautiful (in his opinion). So why not use it properly and not just to sit on it. From sitting, to cuddling and then to sex. That was the advantage as he had no flatmates he could make anything he wanted his sex place including his couch which became almost like a second bed.
°Everywhere. Really everywhere, it doesn't even have to be his flat. It didn't matter if it was the record shop, much to Euronymous' delight, or a back alley, someone's bathroom party. He didn't care, everywhere was perfect.
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M = Motivation (what turns them on)
°Clothing = Depending on what you were wearing, his range of emotions and feelings ranged from barely seen to a compliment to a drooling horny something that immediately gets on you. Especially when you're wearing something with cleavage and it's short. Then he presses himself almost demanding and yet submissive against you and wants to tear everything off your body immediately.
°,,You look...just so arousing beautiful"
°You at the drums = When he saw you sitting at his drums unnoticed, slightly lost in thought, running your fingers over the drumsticks and hitting the various drums with them. Not following any real melody but just playing in front of you. Did this trigger something in him that he thought was not possible. He wanted to stand behind you, lead you, take your hands in his and make a game out of it. A play. The teacher and his willing pupil. How he turned the swivel chair around and opened his belt. Knowing in your eyes what he wanted from you. Yep, that'll get him more than aroused.
°,,Fuck that's good"
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N = No (something they wouldn't do, dismissing)
°Boredom = What seems a little complicated at first is not. Hellhammer simply wants a certain challenge every time. A new position, a little more begging, a little more rebellion or simply a new approach. He is always on the lookout for something new and exciting. The main thing is that he doesn't get bored, because that would be death.
°Daddy kink = The opposite of his mommy kink. Whether it's you calling him that or him talking about himself that way. He doesn't quite know what it is but he either just thinks it's stupid and laughs about it or it's immediately something that turns him off and leaves him cold. It's just the way he is, he can't help it.
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O = Oral (preference whether giving or receiving, skill, ect.)
°He loves it when you give him oral he likes it even more than sex sometimes. Not only do you take him so well and are a god in his eyes when it comes to that. You also know exactly what to do. He loves to bury his hand in your hair, to set the pace, to move his hips slightly. Hearing your suppressed moans and pleas. Only to end up pulling you to your feet and kissing you not least to taste himself.
°,,Someone-ah should record how good you are at this. Like you were made for it.
°As far as your satisfaction is concerned, he is almost more hungry than Pelle and really wants to ask you for the best possible. He will go down on his knees as soon as you ask him to, his dark hair falling slightly into his face, a pleading submissive look reflected in his eyes. Drunk with anticipation and love, he kisses his way up your legs and ends up using more than just his tongue, that's for sure. He makes sure you have at least two orgasms. No matter how many you want, he'll give them to you. He wants to give them to you.
°,,You are so incredibly handsome-so beautiful, ma'am."
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P = Pace (are they fast and hard? slow and sensitive? etc.)
°He is in the middle between fast and slow. But it also depends a lot on his own arousal. How needy is he or you?
°But it doesn't matter if he is hard and fast or slow and sensitive. He's as good as ever at caring for you and finding the right balance in all four areas. After all, he wants to be rewarded with words.
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Q = Quickie (their opinion on quickies, how often etc)
°Quickies are my third first name according to Hellhammer. He loves quickies in the form of oral satisfaction especially when you get on your knees in front of him. It's easy and fast for him, brings him satisfaction. But even when you do it, of course he does it in return. He wants to ask himself every time how fast he can bring you to orgasm. How fast or how long it takes you to be caught by one of the coven. He wants to break his records
°If there's not enough time the solution is a quickie and as luck would have it you almost always don't have much time.
°Oh no, we still have fifteen minutes...sounds like a quickie to the other room. Don't you think?"
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R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
°Before you got together he didn't really experiment. It was often just thoughts he had but never acted on. But with you, oh man, you have a lot to go through because, to be more precise, he has made a whole list of things he wants to try out with you.
°Trying something with new things also means taking a risk. Which is why he always loves to take risks, whether it's for him or for you. The main thing is that you have tried it out, because the proof of the pudding is in the eating.
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S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go? how long can they last?)
°He is not the man for the big one, which is not least due to his smoking, which he strictly denies. However, with him there are at least two rounds inside and the third if you are lucky but then you usually have to take over for which he is more than grateful.
°,,If two are not enough for my pretty girl...come here my tongue is always happy to satisfy you".
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T = Toys (do they have toys? do they use them? on their partner or themselves?)
°Drumsticks = Not necessarily a toy but just for foreplay and teasing he loves to use his drumsticks. You lying naked on the bed or relaxing? No problem, he simply lets the finely crafted spitezn wander over your body and lets your nipples become hard. Depending on what material the drumsticks are made of, you also let your tongue wander over them and he definitely has a camera with him. There was just created a new wixxvorlage that has burned into his brain.
°,,If you lick them like that again...fuck"
°Bandana = His bandana which he always carries with him is simply used for sex as a temporary restraint or gag. Also great as a blindfold when he wants to tease you with the drumsticks. Believe me, it works wonders. It's practical, soft and more than enough for the moment. And he always has it with him, which makes for a good quickie.
°,,I should have let you wear my clothes much earlier. Damn, you look hot, sweetie".
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U = Unfair (how they love to tease)
°Teasing is his middle name if you ask him. Egall where, when or how? He will as soon as he realises he needs you or just because. He'll start teasing you. A little touch with his hands on the straps of your bra down to your breasts. Knowing full well that the entire black coven is sitting at the table with you in the pinch. But he doesn't care, he's more interested in how you will react.
°,,A little challenge is fun, isn't it?"
°But if you tease him back or start it, it will either throw him off course because he is not quite prepared for it. Or he gets into it right away and gets aroused faster than he notices. At the latest, when you play with his hair and pull on it lightly, it's over and he's all yours.
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V = Volume (how loud are they, what sounds do they make, etc.)
°Hellhammer is not necessarily loud. It depends a little on the environment. If it's in your flat, it will reverberate off the walls. But if you are somewhere outside then he is quieter but still audible to the others. Well audible.
°When he does make noise, it is often praising words and jokes. But when you have him completely wrapped around your finger he is a begging something. He loves to beg you to satisfy him on his knees if he has to. He just wants to be good for you.
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W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
°He wants to do a professional sex photoshoot with you. Not just the pictures from a disposable camera from Euronymous or a more than decent camera from his friends. No, he wants to go with you to a professional photographer and take the most erotic and dirty photos for his special album. And present them to Euronymous as album cover. Sex sells.
°He smokes no big deal himself but when you smoke a cigarette he is completely fascinated like a little boy. His gaze never leaves you and he watches you with perfect love. It's just so fascinating to watch you. You seem almost divine.
°,,Ma'm, you know how you have me".
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X = X-ray (let's look under the clothes)
°As already mentioned, he sometimes rasps his happy trail, but he also likes to let it get to him. The size 16cm/6,29921 is a triumph for him because he is a little bigger than Varg but otherwise normal. The width is not as wide as Faust's but it is still so wide that your fingers barely touch.
°But the wide grin on his lips increases when he catches you staring. You watch him as his fingers steal a little cream from Faust's birthday cake and disappear into his mud. This has to be commented on with a perverted comment. In summer he wears only pants and you don't seem to leave him. He feels like the king. Not least when he's in the shower and you just come to him.
°,,All this sexy stuff is just for you my love.
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Y = Yearning (how high is the sex drive?)
°On the high end for sure. He's not as needy as Varg in his weddings who felt fucked everything and everyone don't get me wrong.
°But at a party with maybe one or two beers he will look for his need faster than normal. Which is not surprising that you both disappear for a little while. Not that he could make it any more conspicuous with his broad grin.
°,,Sweetheart you look good...shall we just you know".
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Z = Zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep afterwards)
°Very quickly as far as that is concerned after the aftercare which is of course sufficient and more than just good. Both of you should feel good in his eyes, even if you are more important to him than he is to himself.
°Which is why he usually falls asleep immediately after the aftercare and has given his last strength to you. With a murmured "love you sleep well" he then turns over or snuggles up to you before you hear his quiet breathing. A cute sight.
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@mayhem-things , @beldamama
#lords of chaos 2018#loc 2018#lords of chaos hellhammer#lords of chaos hellhammer x reader#reader is female#smut alphabet#smutish#mayhem#minors dont read#anthony de la torre#hellhammer#lords of chaos#lords of chaos jan/hellhammer
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Do you have any advice for people who are about to start EMDR?
actually yes! And I’m so glad you asked because idk if I ever would’ve thought about making it into a post! apologies for the late response but wanted to give it a lot of thought! I’ve been doing EMDR on and off for about 3.5 years now with my therapist, as a disclaimer: I am not an expert so this would be my advice based on my personal experience with and knowledge of EMDR.
1. Make sure you trust your therapist or whoever the professional who will be guiding you through the experience is; also make sure that they are qualified with EMDR experience. They should not offer the option if they have no experience with it.
2. Make sure you are in a relatively stable enough place to go through it. Don’t lie just because you want to do it. it’s a very intense psychological experience and can be draining so just be somewhat prepared and don’t be surprised if you feel kinda worn out the rest of the day after the session. There have been times I have taken breaks from EMDR when other issues of life became problematic and as a result I was less stable. It’s not something you want to force when you’re not stable enough, for safety reasons. For me it was difficult to admit I wasn’t stable enough as I wanted to just “push through” thinking it’ll automatically heal me, but it doesn’t quite work that way.
3. My sister is also a licensed therapist and gave me this metaphor when I was struggling with EMDR, it has shifted my perspective and helped me a lot. Think of EMDR as riding a train through your subconscious/inner world (however you like to think of it). In between the bilateral stimulation parts your therapist will usually ask something such as “what are you noticing”. This is when you peek out the train window or poke your head out and see where the train has stopped. but you stay on the train and then repeat the process at the next stop. Do your very best to observe and not be “sucked in” to whatever you are noticing. What you notice could be an image your brain gives you, it could be a memory, or a physical sensation of some kind as well. It’s kind cool like your brain is communicating with you!
4. EMDR does require bringing up and having to somewhat relive your trauma in the controlled environment, which is why you want to make sure you trust your therapist and have any grounding items nearby or with you. If you go in person and drive yourself, don’t feel the need to drive away immediately. It’s okay to sit for a while until you’re ready. If you do telehealth maybe keep some grounding items near you and always be in a room/environment where you feel really safe. Allow time afterwards for some self care and taking it easy.
5. My therapist describes it as a process to try and close the trauma loop in a way that the memories don’t impact you quite as badly. Some have equated it to “exposure therapy but make it trauma”, although it’s kinda right, it’s more complex than that. Often things that come up repeatedly can be clues, like a branch of a tree, and through sessions you may find the roots deeper down. There may be root memories you’re not aware of and through EMDR you may eventually find those roots when you’re ready.
6. Be patient!!! You don’t want to overthink or over analyze it too much outside of therapy. It’s okay and natural to think of it but don’t try too hard to investigate, give your brain time and it will probably make sense later down the road when you are ready. I usually will write down something if it comes up and then try to put it out of my mind until next session. Don’t push yourself or judge too hard. It is a lot to go through and very heavy, it makes sense to feel frustrated or discouraged but you will make progress in your own time. Don’t be afraid to use a stop signal if you feel overwhelmed, you don’t always have to keep going!
7. Be honest! Do your very best to not worry about being judged or anything like that. Let your brain go where it needs to go without judgment or trying to control it. Don’t lie or try to force your session to to a certain way, all it will do is slow your progress! (Not trying to call anyone a liar intentionally, but sometimes we would try to direct or deflect certain things in session due to feeling like we needed more progress faster and fears/anxieties/doubts, as an impulse reaction almost, in this case we think about it for a while and journal on it until we have the words to talk it out and explain more in another session later on. “Lying” in this context can also just simply be telling your therapist you’re okay when you know that you are not.)
I hope this helps and makes some kind of sense! Wishing you lots of love and comfort as you start your journey with EMDR ❤️🩹
#did system#dissociative identity disorder#dissociative disorder#did community#did memes#did things#actually did#emdr therapy#emdr#asks#q&a#anonymous#anon ask#advice#therapy
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Reflect what you are, pt 2
Abed Nadir/Autistic f!Reader.
In love and at a loss, Abed turns to self professed woman-expert Jeff Winger for advice with mixed results.
Part 1
Rated: pg
Warnings: casual ableism, casual sexism, autistic stereotypes, reference to the The Big Bang Theory. If I’ve missed anything, let me know. This fic hasn’t been BETA’d.
As a disclaimer, I’ll say upfront that the reader insert’s experiences with and outward signs of autism are based on my own. It’s always impossible to write a reader insert neutrally enough to be projected onto by everyone and I think that’s especially true when portraying a disability that is at once so specific and so varied.
——–
“...I think I’m in love.”
“Really.” Jeff didn’t look up from his phone.
Abed wasn’t sure why he’d picked Jeff as the right person to talk to. Perhaps it was just because Jeff had lingered in the study room after their last session, leaving them alone in the room, and if Abed didn’t tell someone, anyone, he might literally explode. “Yes. Definitely. I show all the classic signs.”
Jeff didn’t respond. Had his sarcastic, disinterested tone been more pointed than usual? It was hard to tell.
“Did you already know I’m in love?”
“With what’s-her-name, your new study buddy?” Jeff gave Abed a look. “Uh, yeah. I’m pretty sure everyone knows.”
“Oh.” Abed tapped his pen against the table and thought this over. “Do I talk about her a lot?”
“Not really, but we know you. It’s pretty suspicious if you take an interest in anyone who isn’t a fictional character.” Jeff put his phone down and leaned his elbows on the table. “Does this mean you’ve finally come to me for dating advice? It’s about time.”
“Normally, I wouldn’t need advice...”
Jeff’s eyes narrowed. “Because women throw themselves at you, for some reason.” He sounded resentful. “Yeah, I remember.”
“And usually I don’t really care either way.” Perhaps this wasn’t the best approach if he wanted Jeff’s help, but it was the truth. “I mean, the attention is nice, but it’s not important.”
“Well, if you’re ‘in love’” (here, Jeff made so many air quotes he threatened to sprain a finger) “that’s a whole different story.”
“Yeah. I’d be pretty upset if she didn’t like me back.”
“I’m sure. So what have you tried so far?”
“Hm.” What had he tried? Shockingly little, now that he came to think about it. “I’ve talked to her a little. We’re working on a project together for class. Oh, and yesterday I threatened to beat a guy up for disrespecting her.”
There was a long pause. “See, this is why you should come to me for inspiration instead of turning to the movies.”
“Yeah, but it was warranted. He’s a bully.”
“Yeah, but still. I never figured you’d go for the caveman approach.”
Abed shrugged. “I don’t really have an approach.”
“Yeah, we established that. So what’s this girl like?”
“I think she’s autistic.”
Jeff’s eyes widened and his mouth seemed to twitch. He didn’t make a face, but it seemed to take him some effort not to make a face. What was he trying to hide? Surprise? A lack of surprise? Amusement? Ridicule? Probably not envy, but what did Jeff know?
“Abed, that’s not a very nice way to sum up a person. We taught you better than that.”
Abed had it on pretty good authority that Jeff had pointed him out to strangers as ‘the robot’ and ‘just don’t call him Sheldon’ several times just this month, but for some reason, people tended to get uncomfortable if the spade joined in and also started calling itself a spade.
“Okay, this is clearly a sensitive issue for you. If I tell you she’s also beautiful and funny and attentive and kind and clever and beautiful, does that make you feel better?”
“That’s a pretty long list.” Jeff smiled. “Beautiful made it in twice, huh?”
It was a fair summary as far as Abed was concerned, repetition included, but Jeff needed to be brought down a peg or two.“I thought that would reassure you.”
Jeff stopped smiling. “Whatever. So if you care so much about her supposed personality, what do you guys actually have in common? Apart from, you know. The A word.”
“I’m not sure. We both pay attention in class, so we already have some similar interests.”
“Okay, so get her talking about those. Women love it when you pretend to care about their dumb opinions.”
Abed was very much convinced that this was not an uniquely female trait and he knew that if he chose to make a rebuttal, Jeff himself would make for an excellent exhibit A. But Jeff depended on his 90’s stand up comedian understanding of gender roles and it would be unfair to take that comfort away from him. Instead, he chose diplomacy. “If she has dumb opinions, I’ll lose interest. Even if she’s beautiful twice.”
“Yeah, you’re weird like that.”
“But I get shy around her, and I’m not used to being shy. I try to plan our conversations in advance, but then when I talk to her I forget everything I was going to say... And I don’t want to pretend to be someone else.”
“You’re overthinking this. Just go up to her and talk, ask more questions than you give answers and if she smiles and laughs at your jokes...” Jeff thought about it, then shook his head. “Huh. Yeah, I see the problem. You still can’t really read anyone. Even I can’t read you and I’m a master manipulator who’s known you for years. If she’s like you...” He seemed at a loss for words. “Don’t you have, like, a secret language or something? Bleep, bloop, Star Trek good?”
How should Abed know? It wasn’t like he’d been ushered into a secret society or subscribed to the local autism mailing list. Maybe there actually was a club and he just hadn’t been invited - that would be a fun, ironic twist. “Not one I know of.” The trekkie accusation he filed away for a later argument.
“Alright. So, when she’s happy or annoyed or on the rag, can you even tell?”
“I think so.”
Abed worried that Jeff misinterpreted the reason for his interest. He couldn’t tell if Jeff wanted to over or under emphasise the autism part, but he could tell Jeff didn’t get it.
Sure, it was exciting to meet someone who functioned the way he did, but not because he expected or even wanted you to be a copy of himself. He wasn’t looking for the comedy staple where the weirdo, slash robot, slash dog’s love interest was played by the same actor, slash costume, slash dog in a wig or a pink bow.
He was just as desperate to explore all your differences as your possible similarities, and the disability thing was just a small part of that. And he’d underplayed the “beautiful” part, but your mind really was not the only thing he wanted to explore. After all, you’d already turned his head months before he’d realised what you shared.
It dawned on Abed that he really would be just as excited to talk to you if the topics you chose made no sense to him - whatever you said would interest him, simply because you were the one talking. And if he ever accidentally tuned you out, he’d be happy just to watch your lips move.
How could he even begin to explain all of this? Or any of it? If Jeff had ever felt the same way, he would never admit to it.
“She emotes a lot.” By Abed’s standards, anyway. “I don’t think most people can really tell she’s autistic.”
“Why are you so fixated on this?”
“Well, in this case, I mean I think she’s more of a people person than I am. She blends in better than I do and that would take a lot of practice.” He paused. “I never really made friends before I got to Greendale, but...”
“You’re worried you might have some competition?”
Abed shook his head. If anything, competition would be reassuring.
But why? “I don’t want her to like me because she has no other option. I want her to choose me.” If that was true, why did admitting it make his stomach feel so cold?
Abed swallowed and voiced a fear he hadn’t even been conscious of before. “I’m worried I might be too weird for her.”
Now Jeff made a face even Abed could recognise, if only because he’d seen it so often over the years. It was a face of pained, awkward pity.
Abed was seriously starting to regret being so honest, especially with someone who clearly still expected him to be more ashamed of himself than he really was.
But Jeff surprised him and his expression changed gradually into a less familiar smile. “Yeah... I think we all feel like that sometimes. I mean, not me, obviously.” Abed nodded and Jeff continued.
“I hate to be a cliché, but if you absolutely have to be in love, I really think you should just try to be yourself. If she doesn’t like you, it’s better you rip the band-aid off quickly.”
He reached out as if to give Abed a pat on the shoulder but seemed to think better of it and let his hand fall. “Who knows, she might like you better for being a bit weird - I know I get sick of hanging out with normal people all the time. Whatever that means.”
Abed nodded. Especially the band-aid argument appealed to him. Right now he felt that if he didn’t either get to touch you or let go of this obsession within the week, he’d just wither up and die.
Wow. He might actually have to resort to a weekend of 80’s rom coms, either to look for inspiration for some big dramatic gesture of his own, or to do what most people probably did when they watched rom coms - daydream about his own crush and imagine you and him up there on the screen instead, kissing and holding on to each other for dear life while the music swelled and the rain pored.
This was so much worse than he’d thought.
#abed nadir#abed nadir x reader#abed nadir imagines#abed nadir imagine#community#community fanfiction#my fics#abed nadir fanfic#still can't promise I'll finish or even continue this fic because I'm usually swamped these days#but since this part was practically finished I figured I'd dust it off and post it
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True Blue (Klance)
Live, laugh, stream Boygenius.
Disclaimer: I mention autism in this and that Keith might be on the spectrum. I'm not neurotypical but I don't believe I have autism, so if the way I did it was in any way insensitive, PLEASE lmk so I can rectify this. My roommate (and best friend) is autistic and while I don't necessarily know their experience I have spent a ton of time with them and have had long, in depth discussions about their experience which is why I felt comfortable writing it. It's a little in line with my own experience, which is why I think it might be slightly off? If it rubs you the wrong way, for sure drop a reply. Peace and love, sweetpeas <3
Also, can y'all tell I'm in a secret relationship? That obvious, huh.
It’s when everybody has dispersed back to their rooms, Shiro giving one last worried glance over his shoulder, that Keith finally walks up to the healing pod, pressing his forehead to the glass (or whatever clear, Altean material this thing's made of) and heaving a deep, shaky breath.
“Idiot,” he whispers.
Lance isn’t usually the kind of guy to be in the midst of the action. Keith’s sharpshooter tends to stick around the high ground and well-covered edges, but today has been an exception. The hallway of the ship had been tight, with little cover and little room to move. He found himself right there in it at Keith’s side, and for the most part he’d held his ground—blocking with his gun, tripping enemies, watching Keith’s back.
For a moment, a fleeting moment, Keith had actually felt incredible fighting at his boyfriend’s side.
And then that moment passed, and everything came to a screeching halt.
It’s a deep flesh wound in the meat of the shoulder, a puncture in the right thigh, and a broken rib. Not enough to kill, but enough to send Lance crashing into Keith’s side, out like a light—and more than enough to give Keith an absolute heart attack.
He sighs heavily, and crumples in on himself to the floor. He’s tired, bruised, and worried. Lance is going to be fine, he knows (he does), but that doesn’t stop the ache that crawls up and through his feet and hands and lungs.
He never wants to see Lance unconscious like that again.
A few hours later, Allura peeks in and tells him they’re having dinner. Keith isn’t the slightest bit hungry—actually, he’s rather comfortable, back pressed against the pod, drifting in and out of sleep and distant memory.
“I’m okay.”
She frowns.
“You should come eat, and change,” she says. Keith shakes his head. No way. Absolutely not. He’s not going anywhere until Lance can come with him, and if it gets too dire, there’s a bathroom a few feet away. A shower, even.
That’s good enough for him.
“He’s alright, Keith,” Allura tries, “Just a few days in there and he’ll be—”
“I know,” Keith interrupts. She regards him for a moment, a long look of concern and confusion, and then relents with a heavy sigh.
“Alright. If you need anything—”
“I know,” Keith repeats.
She hesitates a few moments, and then leaves. Keith closes his eyes, and rests his head back against the pod that contains his boyfriend.
-
8 months earlier Lance McClain had entered Keith’s room, unannounced, and miraculously ducked out of the way of a boot flying towards his head with worrying accuracy.
“If you’re here to gloat, get it over with,” Keith hissed in his direction, a wild, untamed anger alight in his eyes. He’s… frustratingly beautiful, Keith, with his mullet of dark hair, indigo eyes, and lean muscle. He’s half-dressed, the top part of his flight suit hanging from his waist. Lance tries not to look down at his chest, and fails miserably.
He swallowed that away.
“Keith—”
“Actually, you know what?” Keith basically charged at him, which was terrifying for the first few moments. A finger pressed firmly into Lance’s chest, and he took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. He really didnt' want Keith to hit him—that would be a worst case scenario. “Fuck you. Every other mission you’re the fuck up, so I don’t want to hear—”
“I’m not here to gloat,” Lance said, shame and embarrassment burning something fierce in his gut at being called a fuck up. It was difficult, but he swallowed that away, too. “I wanted to see if you were okay.”
That's when Keith faltered.
The finger retracted, and so did the boy, stalking over to sit heavily on the edge of his bed, and then burrying his face in his hands. There was a few moments of silence, and then Lance followed, sitting gently down next to him, putting a warm hand on his back.
He wanted, then, to smooth his hand down porcelain skin, but he refrained.
“I… know what it’s like for someone you look up to to chew you out like that,” Lance explained softly, “And Shiro’s not really a big brother to me, or anything, but I know if Marco or Luis were that hard on me… especially for something so stupid—”
“It wasn’t stupid,” Keith argued, rubbing his face and then looking up at him. Lance swallowed again—Keith was so pretty it was fucking with Lance’s head. Damn this stupid crush he had—it was interfering with his ability to be an effective teammate. He wanted this to be more than that.
Which was so not cool, at least not now.
“I fucked up. Big time.”
“That doesn’t mean he should yell at you like that in front of the whole team. Especially when the whole issue was communication.”
“I should’ve known better.”
“How?” Lance deadpanned. Keith’s eyebrows scrunched up, and he turned to study the wall, as if he was really contemplating. Here’s what had happened—
They planned to infiltrate from different points of the ship, and take it quietly so as to not alert any other nearby patrol ships or junkers. Then, with free range of the ship and a hostage situation, Keith and Pidge would be free to search through databases and stockpiles to see what tech or resources the Galra had been laundering through—a fairly simple endeavor.
What they had not accounted for, however, were the Galra mercenaries posted in certain sectors of the ship. When Shiro had gone to warn Keith of this over the comms, Keith had taken that as—the plan has changed, we’re pursuing action against these mercenaries, and upon following that mindset, had landed him and Pidge in the middle of combat they had not been prepared for, and alerted the ship’s staff before Shiro had gained full control of the hull. This made for a spiral of chaos that was swiftly quelled, but apparently got on Shiro’s nerves, even though the mission had been overall successful.
He was always so worried about unnecessary casualties. Fair, Lance supposes, but they are in the middle of literal war.
“I… don’t know,” Keith admitted finally, “I could have… hesitated?”
“And gotten you both killed?” Lance asked. Keith sighed. He flopped back and Lance followed suit, stretching a little bit. Keith was so close Lance could feel the body heat wafting off his torso. He tried not to think about it too much.
Too much was a relative term.
“Whatever, I’m over it. Let’s talk about something else—what are Marco and Luis like?”
And the rest is history.
They spent the next two months connected at the hip, or at least, sneaking into each other’s rooms late at night to talk about everything and nothing. If Keith needed to vent, he went to Lance, and vice versa. If they were bored, they found each other in an empty part of the castle and found something to entertain them. If Hunk or Pidge were being shitty, or Shiro was being too much, or Allura was being especially pushy, they would give each other matching looks, and go giggle about it elsewhere.
It was wildly beneficial, for Lance, at least. He stopped feeling lonely, and he stopped feeling useless. Not only did Keith convince him vocally he was a necessary addition to the team, but just being friends with him made Lance feel like if nothing else, Keith needed him. Keith liked having him around.
And that was more than enough.
-
Lance was Keith’s first real experience having a friend. He had a dad, he had a brother, but Lance was a friend. He chose.
Keith could never have avoided falling in love with him.
Being with Lance was easy in a way that’s hard to explain if you don’t already know what he means. Like the way breathing is easy. Keith didn’t even have to try to do it, he just did it.
That, for him, was love.
He’d never really been good with people, or at reading people, or at understanding arbitrary social rules and expectations. It just didn’t… click for him. But with Lance, it didn’t have to click.
“That… kind of upsets me,” Lance said.
Keith started. He looked up from where he was sprawled on the floor, perplexed.
“What?”
“What you just said,” Lance explained, “That I’m the “comic relief” or whatever.” Keith furrowed his brow. His first instinct was to defend himself, and explain why it didnt' make sense that Lance was offended by that, but he stopped himself. They’ve talked about that--getting defensive about other people’s feelings instead of listening to them.
Lance was looking at him expectantly.
“I’m… sorry,” Keith said, finally, “Why?” A distant cousin of a smile passed over Lance’s features for a moment, and then he shrugged.
“I don’t know. I guess it makes me feel like… a joke to you guys.” Keith’s eyes widened. That was not even remotely what he’d meant by it. He was fairly certain that’s not what anyone meant by it, but he supposed he can see that side.
Jeez, had Lance thought that the whole time?
“Of course you’re not a joke to me—us,” Keith corrected, feeling a bit of warmth creep into his cheeks, “I’m… sorry.”
“Getting better,” Lance praised, “What did you mean, then?”
“Well,” Keith said slowly, because what did he mean? “I thought we were just saying you’re good at lightening the mood, you know? It would be… really quiet and depressing without you.” Lance nodded, but he didn't look entirely convinced.
“Well… thanks, I guess.”
“I won’t say it again,” Keith said firmly, because how could he? Lance thinking he was a joke was just about the last thing Keith wanted—he felt bad enough about calling him a fuck up a few weeks ago, even worse now. Damn it, had they all been operating under the assumption Lance got that these were all jokes? Less than jokes, even.
Fuck.
“Thanks, man. That means… a lot.” Keith laid back down, flat on his back, staring up at Lance’s ceiling. The glow in the dark star stickers weren't glowing because it wasn't dark, but he still felt a little warmth at seeing them there. Ironic that Lance could just go to the hull and stare at a hundred-billion real ones, but incredibly endearing besides.
His insides twisted up.
Fuck number two.
“Hey, Lance?”
“Mmhmm?”
“Thanks for telling me.”
“Telling you what?”
“That what I said upset you,” Keith explained softly, staring up at those stars, hoping Lance wasn't looking at him. He was pink—very pink. “I don’t really… get when I’ve said something shitty. And most people just get offended and stop talking to me.” Lance laughed a little at that.
“My niece, Nadia, is on the spectrum. You know, autism? She’s just like that—she struggles with social cues, so we walk her through it just like I did with you. It’s really no problem—actually, it’s the least I can do.”
Keith tried to work out what he meant by that, but he couldn't, so he just stared up at the ceiling for a few quiet moments, contemplating. He wanted to live in Lance’s space forever. He wanted to stay in this room with him, silently existing near each other, no words necessary. Nothing necessary.
God, what did that mean?
“Do you think I could be on the spectrum?”
He heard Lance’s shrug against the mattress.
“Maybe.”
And nothing more was said about it.
-
Lance kissed Keith for the first time two months after that day in his room, and when Keith melted headfirst into it, he nearly broke away to jump for joy. He didn’t read the signs wrong—this was happening. He and Keith were happening.
“I like you,” Lance said when the kiss broke, “I like you so much.”
“Got that,” Keith replied, pressing his forehead into Lance’s. Lance felt giddy and warm and buzzed all over. He felt like he could fly—like he could launch Blue a thousand feet in the air and jump off and soar. He dragged his fingers over Keith’s neck and through his hair and across his cheeks, almost like he was checking to make sure this was real.
It was real.
“Kiss me again,” Keith breathed, and so Lance obliged him. He’d do anything the boy asked. Forever.
“Did I say stop?”
“No, sir.”
-
Keith stays in the infirmary for the next 72 hours. Shiro worriedly brings him a change of clothes and Hunk drops by with the occasional meal. They keep insisting that he leave, that Lance is fine, that it wasn’t his fault—he knows that. He didn’t stab Lance, that’s obvious.
They don’t understand when he tells them no.
At first, keeping their relationship a secret was just a means of making sure when they did tell everyone, they’d have a few months under their belt as proof that this was serious, and not a terrible, Voltron-ending fling.
Then it became second nature.
Just as their friendship had been, it became familiar and meaningful to keep their personal relationship to themselves. They were each other’s safe space, and as such, it didn’t feel right to go around announcing to the world that they found comfort in each other. Hell, it felt invasive to even think about.
It feels invasive even now. That’s why he doesn’t explain himself—he just let’s the team think he’s gone completely nuts, and makes himself comfortable at the base of the cryopod, occasionally gazing up at his beautiful boyfriend, looking so peaceful.
In the 74th hour, Lance wakes up.
“I seriously think that shit is bad for humans,” is the first thing he grumbles as Keith helps him out and down onto solid ground, “God, it feels like I have the worst hangover.” Keith can’t help but laugh a little, and Lance grins over at him. “Let me guess—you slept in here on the floor like a dumbass.”
Keith’s smile turns sheepish.
“I couldn’t leave you,” he explains softly, and Lance sighs, shaking his head.
“I’m okay. You, on the other hand, should’ve been sleeping in bed.”
“You were really hurt,” Keith argues as long tan arms slip loosely around his waist, “I was worried about you.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” Lance replies. Keith melts. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend and holds him close, careful to keep his face above Lance’s shoulder, no matter how badly he’d like to press his nose in it. Lance’s hands smooth over his back softly, and he almost shudders at how nice it feels. It’s so good to be back in Lance’s arms after the past three days of watching him in that pod, so close and yet impossibly far.
Lance presses a kiss to the side of his head. He feels at home.
They stay like that for a while, safely inside each others’ embrace, breath intermingling, and bodies coming loose—Lance from the stiffness that comes with being inside that stupid tube for many hours, Keith from stress.
“Hey, Lance?”
“Mmm?”
“I love you.”
Lance presses another kiss to the side of Keith’s head. He had said it long before this, absolutely ages ago. Not even two months into their relationship—
I love you. Don’t say it back—I wanna watch you fall.
And here Keith is, at the bottom, resting safely in Lance's arms.
“I know, mi amor. I know.”
#keith kogane#lance mcclain#klance#true blue#neurodivergent#neurodivergent keith#voltron legendary defender#voltron#vld#fanfiction#writer#keith x lance#fluff#a little hurt/comfort????#mostly just fluff#getting together#lgbtq#queer#gay#mlm#i'm absolutely so pissed they didn't end up together#last shot of the show should've been copilots with matching galra markings#you didn't even have to really comfirm it#just copilots with matching galra markings#smiling boys#WITH MATCHING GALRA MARKINGS#allurance was a rushed lie#worst character arc in media history
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Twst boys and weed
Tw: Drug use, it’s literally all about getting high! I also swear a lot. This was also written while I was completely fucked, and it is not grammatically correct.
Info: Jamil, Ruggie, Trey, Cater and Jade all getting high. Mentioned “you” with no specific description.
Summary: You know what it’s about.
🍓Hello friends! I’m making my return as finals are almost over, meaning I get a month long break where I’m free to do whatever I want! And I want to write! I’m EXTREMELY high right now, so I thought why not make some silly little blurbs pabout my favorite recreational hobby and twst boys!
⚠️Disclaimer! I do not recommend smoking to anyone underage in their state/country! If you do smoke please ensure you are with safe people and in a safe place. I always ensure that I am in a safe environment when I do so! However, don’t follow my example please!⚠️
Jamil for sure partakes in the “devils lettuce” (as my mother so lovingly calls it.) It’s literally one of the only moments of peace he gets in his life. He doesn’t usually smoke more than a hit or two, and he’s not exactly a lightweight, so it’s rare you’d find him ACTUALLY fucked up… but he smokes enough that it usually lingers long enough into the mornings that he can get shit done without losing his mind. However, it is a sight to see a really fucked up Jamil. He will not get that high often, and when he does he makes sure it’s never around Kalim, never when he has school, and just general rule of thumb shit. (I should take notes from this guy.) But he lets loose, completely relaxed and just himself. All that tension in his shoulders rolls out of him with the smoke. Also prone to getting the giggles. Bro will be cracking up over the most stupid bullshit. He has good shit too, he won’t smoke anything but the best that really mellows him out. I personally think, despite how he mellows out, he’d suck to smoke with. He’s picky about how he likes things around him, and he complains about how you smoke, and he will snap if you get on his nerves too much. Also, he isn’t really a social smoker to begin with. He smokes to calm down, people stress him out. Why would he get high with things that stress him out.
Ruggie is an obvious addition here. Like… look at him. Bro is just like me fr /hj. Nah but… weed is like one of the only ways he avoids burning himself out. The floaty, numbing feeling keeps him going through the day. He prefers the stuff that keeps him up and moving, saves the stuff that chills him out for when he gets with friends or is having a particularly rough week with Leona. He’s high functioning no matter what he does, his body pretty much used to working like that from how much he smokes. I promise you he’s absolutely fucked up 90% of the time, but he’s so used to doing shit high that no one notices. Like, that’s just how most people know Ruggie: high as hell. He is POSSESSIVE of his shit too. He’s poor, dude, his shit isn’t even that good — it tastes nasty and the high isn’t even all that enjoyable, but it’s what his money can afford. He doesn’t just share his stash with randoms, you’ve gotta be in tight with him for him to consider sharing. He doesn’t mind smoking with others though, so long as they bring their own.
Cater and Trey get high together, you can’t convince me otherwise. Cater smokes more regularly while Trey does so only when he’s really wound up. Cater started as a high school freshman as a way to cope with his depression and stress from his family. Trey started when he met Cater their first year of college together. Cater is a lightweight, which is all the better for him (Trey disagrees) while Trey takes a bit more to really get it into his system. Regardless of that, the two of them are probably the most fun to smoke with. They’re just constantly cracking jokes and daring each other to do stupid shit (that won’t get them caught/set off Riddle), all around really enjoyable to be around. Caters shit is so good too, it’s a nice gentle ease into a high that lasts the perfect amount of time. Doesn’t taste bad either! Trey sometimes will bake a whole batch of brownies with some and they’ll turn on a random shitty movie, eating through all the brownies until the two of them are so fucked up they can’t walk anymore.
Does it really surprise anyone that Jade is our last victim of my high? No, it doesn’t. Yeah, Jade gets high, for fucking sure. Though, I will say he’s not fond of actually smoking, he prefers edibles. Over that he prefers shrooms, but for the sake of this he’s high on weed, m’kay. Anyway, its… actually hard to tell when Jade is high. He hardly changes his outward behavior, still staring with that creepy smile, but Azul and Floyd know what he’s like. Behind those empty, unblinking eyes and disturbing smile is: …nothing! No thoughts going through his brain. He discovered weed during his time at the human boot camp thing he did, but didn’t try it until college where it was more readily available for him. Shit blew his mind. He’s more impulsive while he’s high, and it’s slightly easier to get him to do what you want him to. Not by much, because it could backfire on you and the intrusive thoughts would win, but if it succeeds you get everything you want and more! (Don’t try this, he may not be thinking of much, but he’s still Jade Leech). Not a good person to get high with, just like how he’s slightly more agreeable high, he’s also slightly (read: extremely) more manipulative and still as slimy as usual. His shit IS good though, almost worth what might come of you if you ever accepted his invitation.
#twst#twst headcanons#jamil viper#jade leech#cater diamond#trey clover#ruggie bucchi#blurbs🍦#drugs tw#weed mention
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Cowboy Like Me
Merry Yulemas, @morganofthewildfire!!
This fic stands somewhere between your answer to that post, an Evermore song (for obvious reasons), Arobynn being Arobynn (though mine isn’t near as bad as yours), and angst (as much as I could, probably not much)
I stepped out of my comfort zone a lot to write this one, but I’m excited about it! It was really fun to write, and I hope you have fun reading it too ❤️
Word count: 7,5k
Warnings: cursing, light smut, Arobynn, mentions of addiction, blackmailing, one punch
Disclaimer: this fic does not contain actual cowboys because I think it was a metaphor in the song and they’re not my area of expertise lol for actual cowboy content, please check @leiawritesstories’ fics
The tennis court was covered up with some tent-like thing, Aelin could finally pay attention now that her son was entertained by one of the games. They were in a Beltane celebration at his school, and she liked to keep a close eye on her little terror.
Most moms liked to sit a bit far and gossip while the school’s staff took care of their kids, but a mistake coming from Aelin wouldn’t be perceived the same, so she focused on watching Finn and kept it to herself, now that Enda wasn’t coming to these things anymore.
She knew she should at least try to have fun for her son’s sake, but she missed her friend. The gold-digger and the gay dad. Aelin and Enda made quite the outcast duo.
“Galathynius.”
Aelin glanced away, no need to look at the person to know who it was, since he was the only one who refused to call her by her husband’s name. She had no idea why, though. Aelin knew damn well what Enda’s cousin was after when he took over Aidan’s school responsibilities, and she was sure she wasn’t part of his plan.
“It’s Hamel,” she said in a stern voice and looked back at the kids. “No moms for you to seduce today?”
“I’m on it.”
Aelin sighed and finally looked him in the eye. “I’m not divorced, you know?”
He raised his eyebrows. “I’m not following.”
“Isn’t that your type?”
The corner of his lips twitched before he answered, “Married isn’t my usual option, but I don’t discriminate.”
Refusing to engage in whatever he was thinking, Aelin turned back to watch the kids. That was one of the reasons she missed Enda. Befriending him felt comfortable. Enda felt safe. Enda didn’t try to flirt with Aelin and make her remember she had a husband that definitely wasn’t waiting for her at home.
This wasn’t a recurrent issue, since Rowan preferred to give his attention to the single moms. Not that she cared about it. It just irked Aelin that while she was criticized for marrying into wealth, the same people would praise Rowan for caring so dearly about his little cousin — and trying to do pretty much the same as her in the meanwhile.
A clear of his throat. “You don’t seem to be enjoying the party.”
“I’m watching my son.”
“The email was very clear about not needing to.”
Aelin sighed. “So what? You want me to join the ladies at lunch?”
He offered a hand and gestured to the parents dancing. “We could join them.”
Aelin didn’t need to look around to know they were being watched. As they always were. She didn’t mind the gossip and people having a low opinion of her, but her husband did. And she needed him to stay safe, so she had to care about appearances too.
“Dancing is a dangerous game.”
The corner of his lips tugged up. “I can deal with the gossiping moms later.”
Aelin didn’t doubt that for a minute. And she was well aware of the many ways he dealt with them.
However, before she could think, she took his hand and let him lead her close to the band, where a few people were dancing already. She didn’t recognize the songs, but they didn’t sound too strange either.
“I’m not sure I can dance to this.”
“It’s very Doranellian.” When they were both in place, Rowan said, “Just follow my lead.”
She let him take her hand and tried to mirror him, and keeping up with his precise movements took enough of her attention to make her forget about all the people watching them. When Rowan brought her chest closer to his, she feared he might hear her heartbeat pounding. When he spun her around, she could feel a small, fluttering feeling in her stomach. When Aelin was laughing by being twirled around, she saw the smirk on his face and a million red flags quickly replaced her joy. This was just one of his moves, wasn’t it?
When the song ended, she said, “This was fun, but I’m not sure what you’re doing, since I’m not your... target audience.”
He frowned. “What are you implying?”
“I’m just saying that Enda never struggled to be present at school for Aidan, but suddenly his cousin is all over the place covering for him, and in the meantime flirting with the rich moms. I find it very convenient.”
“And what makes you think I’m interested in anything but their lovely personalities?”
She raised her eyebrows. “Seriously? After Remelle?”
Rowan grimaced before saying, “You have a point, but the question is still there.”
Aelin shrugged. “Takes one to know one.”
A small, heavy thing tumbled into Aelin’s leg, and she knew before looking down that it was her son.
“Mommy! Can I go to the jumpoline? Please, please, please, plea—“
Aelin wiped some sweat off his forehead with her hand while answered, “Okay, where’s—“
Finn and Aidan both took off in a full sprint before she finished the sentence. Rowan was on her side as she leisurely followed behind the kids, but it was still better than the two of them dancing and touching and being that close to each other.
Sighing, she refocused on her son. Thinking about Finn was always a good way to keep herself on track. His strawberry blonde hair was bouncing as he jumped with anticipation on the line for the jumpoline. Aelin had to be careful with the pronunciations around his dad, but this one was way too cute for her to correct. Besides, the likelihood of seeing Arobynn anywhere near a trampoline or listening to his son talk about his day was close to zero, so it was a safe one to keep.
“He’s a great kid, you know,” Rowan quietly said while they watched the kids play.
“Which one?” she teased.
He chuckled. “Both, but I meant Finn.” Rowan sighed. “We were all concerned about Aidan being too withdrawn, but his demeanor improved a lot later. I think it has to do with Finn.”
The only thing Rowan could see outside was a small smile on Aelin’s lips, but her chest was blooming with pride. Her son didn’t do anything other than being a little ball of energy he always were, but still. Aidan was still a shy kid, but he was an eager participant in all of Finn’s shenanigans, the two of them thick as thieves on making her hair turn gray. Not that this was a concern for the Whitethorns and their already silver hair, though.
The boys eventually came back to them, and Rowan crouched down and whispered something on Aidan’s ear that made his eyes go wide. Like cascading dominoes, the little boy approached Finn and muttered something that made her son’s eyes sparkle, and he didn’t spare a second before hugging her leg and doing his best attempt at puppy eyes.
“Mommy, can I go to Aidan’s house? Please, please, please...”
As Finn uttered his string of pleas, Aelin squinted her eyes at Rowan, trying to figure out what he was tricking her into. She was in a really tight spot, considering how big were the chances of her son throwing a major tantrum if she says no. And apart from a suspicion, she had no reason to say no. So she didn’t.
Everyone seemed satisfied by Aelin’s confirmation of their plans. The kids bounced and cheered while Rowan quietly smirked at her, knowing his trick had worked.
This is gonna be one of those things, it seems.
They let the boys go on a few other activities at the school before leaving, time enough for Aelin to be sure about what she was doing and let her chauffeur know about their change of plans.
“That’s a nice car,” she complimented with a hint of curiosity when the kids were out of earshot, running towards Aidan’s small backyard playground. Rowan’s car blended in easily with what they usually saw at the kids’ school, but it was the kind Aelin only started seeing in her twenties, after exchanging social circles.
He tensed. “What are you suggesting?”
Aelin raised both hands in surrender and entered the house without waiting for him. Rowan was making jokes about hitting on the school moms less than two hours ago, she didn’t expect him to get uncomfortable when she was about to tease him about his fancy car. There was no reason to, since getting expensive gifts was part of dating people with expensive lifestyles. It was all part of the game.
Inside the house, one of the housekeepers was preparing snacks for the kids while Aidan’s nanny watched them, and it didn’t take long for the ladies to tell Aelin that Enda and his husband were away for a few days on a holiday trip. She frowned, disappointed. It had been too long since their last Wine and Paw Patrol evening. Aelin missed her friends.
“Are you that upset to be alone with me?” a voice that had been haunting her all day whispered on the shell of her ear, making her shiver.
Aelin looked around, making sure they were really alone and took one step closer, looking him in the eye. “I spent the whole day trying to figure out what you’re doing, Rowan.”
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Me too.”
Well, at least he knew it made no sense. Aelin knew what his goal was, and she had nothing to offer him in that sense. In fact, from Enda’s stories, she knew very well that her upbringing was a lot worse than his.
“You haunt me,” Rowan finally blurted. “I’ve always seen you, because it’s impossible not to, but there’s these little things...” He scratched his forehead and sighed. “It started when I’d stop everything to listen to Finn when he was talking about you. And then I’d get a funny feeling before picking Aidan up, and...” He threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know, okay? I know you’re married, as you keep reminding me, but I can’t focus on the women I should be focusing on when you’re around. It’s annoying, it’s ruining my plans, and I can’t stop.”
Aelin thought her heartbeat was too loud for her to hear anything, but she did. Loud and clear. As clear as her awareness of Rowan’s pine scent and his breath mingling against her. One thing she wasn’t aware of: how did they end up so close. Aelin was given a choice, and her answer would consist on that one step that was left between them.
Damn her for feeling like this after one spark of attention. Damn her for letting Rowan put her in a position like this. Damn her for needing to hold on to her marriage for safety.
Aelin rested her forehead on his and sighed. “I’m married.”
“Like I’ll ever forget.”
“I’m not reminding you, I’m reminding me,” she whispered.
Rowan chuckled, but it sounded a little too bitter. “I think that makes it even worse.”
“Yes, it does.” Aelin said while slowly running her shaky hands up Rowan’s chest, until they reached his neck.
“You don’t need to,” he rasped when she was closing the gap between their mouths.
“Yes, I do,” she breathed a millisecond before feeling Rowan’s soft lips on hers and his rough hands progressively holding onto her waist for dear life. It felt like each strong beat of her heart sent sparks through her whole body, and she knew damn well Rowan was the one to ignite her. He smelled like home and Aelin could say their bodies against each other was heaven, but he touched her like sin itself. She understood what he meant when he said she didn’t need this, but she did.
She needed his tongue against hers in a frenzied pace as he backed her against the wall.
She needed his hand pulling her hair to give him space to explore her neck, her small whimpers making him groan against the soft skin of her neck.
She needed their bodies stumbling together towards the spare bedroom.
She needed this.
She needed him.
˜˜
Five months later
No matter what Aelin told herself on that first day, it wasn’t a one-time thing. It wasn’t only one time a week, but she also couldn’t say it was one time a day either. There was no way to pretend that promise wasn’t complete bullshit.
Aelin blinked and snuggled further against Rowan, refusing to accept that she’d just waken up from the best nap of her life.
He kissed her forehead. “Did you get a good nap?”
She nodded and hugged him tighter. Rowan was the best human pillow. Remembering what they were there for, she rolled them over and stayed on top of him.
“I’m ready now,” she purred while sliding her hand through his naked chest.
“I don’t think we have enough time left, love.” He rubbed the wrinkle of disappointment in her forehead and pecked her lips. “We can still laze around a little, though.”
The gym Rowan worked at was closed today for renovations, so they had planned to spend some time together in bed. Having sex, not napping. Not that it was the only activity they did together, but their chances to see each other were a lot slimmer when Arobynn was in town, which was currently the case.
Aelin had found the perfect excuse to leave the house alone and had put some red lingerie on, but she was extra drowsy by the time she got at his apartment, and this had been harder to avoid in the past days. Rowan didn’t seem mad, though.
Looking at the watch on his nightstand, they had indeed lost a lot of time, but not all of it.
“Can I counteroffer with a quickie?”
Rowan snorted and laced their fingers together, a small, silly smile aimed at them. “We can’t be late to pick up the boys.”
Just like that, her heart began to ache because of what he’d just said. It felt too domestic, too close to what would be if Aelin could be free. They hadn’t talked about it or discussed what their relationship meant yet, but it wasn’t enough to make her stop wondering.
The need she felt for him on Beltane had only increased, and it was frustrating how much Aelin was ready to admit she wanted more.
The fluttering feeling inside her ribcage felt a lot like love, and it scared her because it wasn’t part of her plan, and it certainly wasn’t part of his either. If he felt the same, which Aelin had no idea.
She had never looked for love, neither before nor after she fled Terrasen. Aelin knew someone out there needed love as little as she did, wanting only a pretty wife to smile at investors and senators as much as she only wanted someone to provide for her.
In the end, the only thing love did was cloud your judgement and keep you off track of what matters. Her goal was keeping herself and Finn safe. There was nothing more important than that. Aelin had no idea what she was doing with Rowan, but she also didn’t have it in herself to stop.
“Come back to me,” he interrupted her thoughts, gently stroking her jaw with his thumb.
She shook her head, trying to focus back on their moment, and looked at his watch again.
“I have 23 minutes to blow your mind,” she purred before kissing down his body.
˜˜
The kids’ shrieks were quieter than usual from the huge playground where the pickup was, probably because most of them had left already. Rowan sat quietly on a bench alone, watching Finn and Aidan go wild on the merry-go-round.
The Whitethorns always waited with her son when she was late so Finn wouldn’t be alone, which always made her chest bloom with affection. She was never too late like today, but it happened often because Rowan always got there annoyingly early. She stood next to him, only stroking his shoulder for a second because it was the closest they could get in public.
“I’m sorry, Arobynn—“
“What about him?” Rowan interrupted her with a thick voice.
Aelin swallowed. “He was getting ready for a flight. That’s why I’m late.”
“Then you’ll have time to spare. Lucky me.”
She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to understand what changed since she left his apartment earlier today. The only explanation didn’t make sense, he knew that it got harder for her to—
“Darling, why are you taking so long?”
Holding her breath, her heartbeat skyrocketed the second Aelin felt her husband’s hand sneaking its way through her waist, gripping it firmly and making her spine go rigid. She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.
“Why is he still playing?” Arobynn hissed through his teeth for only her to hear.
Aelin nodded and went to Finn. Sometimes she let him play a little more before going home, but he’d probably understand that this wasn’t an usual pickup.
As soon as she called her son’s name, he squealed and went running towards her, but his demeanor changed as soon as he saw his father there. Finn stood a little straighter and walked, rather than sprinted, towards Aelin. After he gently took her hand, the both of them went to meet Arobynn on the playground’s edge.
Rowan was still sitting with his jaw set as her husband carefully studied his sour expression. Aelin didn’t dare sending him any sort of silent message.
“Finlay.” He patted his son’s head the same way one would do to a dog and mentioned for them to leave.
“Bye, Uncle Ro.” Finn waved at him before leaving, Rowan’s face unreadable as he waved back at them.
Aelin wasn’t given enough time to read into this situation, though.
Arobynn tightened his grip around her waist. “I had no idea I have a brother. Care to explain?”
Her body was completely stiff when she answered, “He’s Aidan’s uncle, Finn must’ve copied how he’s called.”
Frowning, he turned his face to Aelin completely. “Who’s Aidan?” She didn’t get to answer him though, since Arobynn gazed at one old car and scoffed. “This school doesn’t seem near as exclusive as I was told it’d be.”
Following his gaze, Aelin hoped he didn’t notice her small, unavoidable smile. Rowan stopped using his fancy car not long after they started seeing each other. She didn’t know why, but her chest still swelled with triumph when she saw him driving something that wasn’t given by another woman. It was silly, she knew it, but Aelin was possessive enough to be jealous of women who could give him all the things she couldn’t.
“Mommy, I’m hungry,” Finn murmured to her when they were inside the car. “Can we have pisspaghetti when we get home?”
“Of course, baby,” Aelin said while brushing his hair back with her fingers, trying not to chuckle.
Arobynn cleared his throat, his expression displeased.
“Finlay,” he got his son’s attention, not noticing how stiff his shoulders looked when he was called by his full name. “How’s your speech therapist?”
“What’s a speesh dewapist?”
Arobynn’s phone started ringing, one small blessing, but his stern look said everything he couldn’t while on the phone. Fix this.
She wouldn’t even bother telling him that mispronunciations were expected for a four-year-old.
Aelin’s shoulders sagged in relief when she saw her husband’s private jet from the window. Arobynn’s trips were a small blessing between all the monitoring and unfulfilled expectations. She was well aware she had the life of her dreams, but sometimes it felt like a curse.
His company was about to launch in Wendlyn, so he was needed a lot there. Aelin stayed in Doranelle for Finn, since leaving Rifthold had been distressing enough for him. If they moved to every country Arobynn was needed, they’d become nomads. There was also another reason she wanted to stay at Doranelle longer, but it wouldn’t please her husband in the slightest.
“It’s good to be with my family.” He raised an eyebrow at Aelin after loading his baggage. “I travel a lot, but I never forget that we need each other.”
“Good.” Aelin sent him a small smile, hoping that she didn’t look thrown off. She knew exactly what Arobynn was implying, and he knew that. He always made sure she did.
He scooted closer so Finn wouldn’t hear and placed a strand of Aelin’s hair behind her ear. “You family needs you right here with us. Do you think it would be fair to little Finley to grow up with his mommy in jail?”
Aelin immediately paled, and her reaction made her husband smile. It was what usually happened after Arobynn reminded of the chokehold he had on her, but he’d never stop reveling on her panic.
“Behave,” was the only thing he said after a soft kiss on her cheek and a pat on Finn’s shoulder.
Fiddling with her wedding ring, Aelin took deep breaths as she watched Arobynn’s plane fly away. She was safe. Finn was safe. She was free to care for him. They were both safe. The only thing that made her stop reassuring herself was her son not knowing how to read the room.
“Mommy.” He was poking at her leg incessantly. “Pisspaghetti?”
Well, it was very hard to say no to those puppy eyes.
On the drive to a themed restaurant Finn liked, he was babbling about his day at school, and it was hard to stay in a bad mood while hearing that squeaky voice filled with excitement.
Aelin was listening to him intently and asking questions when needed, but her attention shifted when her phone pinged. However, Aelin zoned out when she read what the notification was about, her heart dropping when she saw its content.
Your period is 50 days late
˜˜
Enda seemed surprised when Aelin came to his house, but his confused look turned to an amused one when Aidan came barreling in his dinosaur pajamas, rushing Finn inside.
“Tell me I didn’t forget today’s Wine and Paw Patrol day.”
Wine. Ha. It’d be a terrible joke if he had meant it as one. Aelin quickly apologized for showing up unannounced as she stepped inside, and her shoulders sagged in relief when she saw Arobynn’s car driving away.
Truth was, Aelin was panicking. Her fingers were shaking when she bought three pregnancy tests and sent to Enda’s address, and she hoped her voice and demeanor didn’t betray her when she asked to change routes.
Technically, she couldn’t be pregnant. Arobynn’s gossiping staff couldn’t dream she even suspected being pregnant, because her husband loved being a father so much he had a vasectomy less than a month after Finn was born.
She didn’t blame the house staff, they were paid to do that, but if they rattled on her even on eating too much carbs, finding a pregnancy test would be way too scandalous.
“Aelin, you’re pacing.”
She blinked and looked around, noticing that even the kids were looking confused at her. Forcing herself to take a seat in front of her friend, she took a deep breath, but even then couldn’t relax on the couch.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Enda’s eyebrows were squished together like he was trying to figure her out.
“I bought pharmacy stuff!” she blurted, trying to distract him until... well, Aelin had no plan, but she did know that telling Enda in front of the kids that she may or may not be pregnant of his cousin wasn’t a good idea.
“You do know I have pharmacy stuff here, right?”
Aelin’s phone pinged with the notification telling the delivery guy was almost there, so burst to the door while plastering a fake smile and saying, “It’s ladies’ pharmacy stuff, I doubt you have those!”
She heard a joke about Enda’s testosterone-filled house not having any ladies’ products indeed and got the bag with three little boxes inside, going to the bathroom as fast as she could go while still being polite.
Locked inside the bathroom, Aelin skimmed through the instructions and started the procedure. Her shaky hands and constant sweating weren’t helping, but she did it anyway.
Aelin had no idea what would happen to her, it could go anywhere between Arobynn suggesting an abortion — which she didn’t want to do — to kicking her out. And she was ready to face the consequences, as long as the two three of them were safe. But Finn… Arobynn had always been hard on him, and Aelin would never let her son pay for something she did. The same thing applied to the little one that could be on their way. Or not.
She considered waiting an extra minute when her timer went off, but it wasn’t necessary.
All tests were positive.
Holy rutting gods. Aelin was pregnant as fuck.
Fuck.
No, not fuck. This was good. Babies were good. Finn was the best thing that ever happened in her life, and she had no doubt this one would be too. But.
Her chest got too tight, Aelin’s numb fingers shaking as she threw it all away and remembered Arobynn’s not-so-subtle reminder.
Do you think it would be fair to little Finley to grow up with his mommy in jail?
Aelin backed herself against the wall, feeling dizzy. She couldn’t leave him. She couldn’t stay with him. She was a bad mom for letting her kid live with someone as heartless as Arobynn. She’d be a terrible mom for leaving him at his dad’s mercy.
A few knocks on the door didn’t ease much of her panic.
“Aelin, is everything alright?” Enda asked from the other side of the door, “You know, if you need help, I did marry a very hot doctor who’s—“
She startled him by quickly opening the door, wide-eyed.
“I need legal advice.”
After Aidan lent Finn one set of pajamas and the boys were tucked in because it was getting too late, Aelin was led by a still very confused Enda towards his office. Her heartbeat was pounding the whole time, and it didn’t help that it took a long time to calm down her little terror enough to make him sleep. The longer it took for her to discuss things with Enda, the more he sent her concerned glances, increasing her anxiety.
“I might be going to jail,” Aelin blurted when they were finally sitting face-to-face in his home office.
“Go on.” Enda’s brows were pinched together, his full attention on her.
Aelin took a deep breath. She had never talked to a lawyer about this, trusting when Arobynn said he’d take care of it, but it wasn’t working anymore.
“My mom started struggling with addiction when I was eight.”
She moved to adjust herself in her seat, but her knees were a little shaky. She scratched her head, trying to figure out how to explain everything. God, Aelin should’ve prepared what she was going to say.
After a deep breath, she continued, “Once, when I was fifteen, my dad let me help search the house for drugs after she went to rehab. He’d always spend days looking and flush them in the toilet, but I didn’t. I sold them all.”
Aelin averted her gaze to the wall, to embarrassed to look her friend in the eye now. Her cheeks were probably burning, but Enda’s gentle squeeze on her hand was reassuring enough for her to keep going.
“You see, my dad really loved my mom. I did too. But he loved her so much he’d rather get evicted than give up on her. He’d always pay for the best therapists, medications, rehab facilities, even when we couldn’t afford to. I don’t know if my dad ever found out, but I sold every drug I could find in the house to pay the bills, until I turned 18 and left to Rifthold.”
She didn’t notice she was crying until Enda handed her a box of tissues.
“Anyway,” Aelin continued, “I ended up known by some dealers, and one of them, Cairn, reached Arobynn after we got married and I started making public appearances. Probably recognized me from a magazine or something and decided to take advantage of it.”
Enda hummed. Scratching his jaw with pinched eyebrows, he asked, “What did you do?”
“Nothing.” Aelin leaned back on the couch and sighed. “Arobynn is keeping him quiet, as far as I know. He won’t ever let me forget about it, so I think it’s still going on.”
“You’re telling me you’re being blackmailed by two different people?” her friend asked with his elbows leaning on his knees now, his voice filled with concern.
Aelin swallowed, and the closest thing to a response she could give him was a shrug. It was too weird to say her own husband was blackmailing her, but Aelin couldn’t find another word for when he used her past to make her behave in a certain way.
“This is a lot to work on, but first…” Enda sighed. “Are you going back to Erilea?“
“I don’t know.” And she meant it. She wanted her family to be safe. As confused as she was, Aelin knew that. Apart from that, there was nothing holding her or Finn back in neither place.
“Aelin, we don’t have extradition treaties with Terrasen.”
She blinked. “What?”
“We can try to get you out of this of you want to go back there, but you can’t be arrested in Doranelle for something you did in Terrasen. If you stay, you’re free.”
Aelin blinked, her body completely frozen as she tried to process what he’d just say.
You’re free
You’re free
You’re free
These two words running around her mind over and over again. She’d never get tired of them.
Dear Mala.
She was free, wasn’t she?
˜˜
It was Aelin’s first day being poor after seven years, and she couldn’t be more excited about it. She even rode the bus. Thrice!
Well, Enda did offer his car, but it’d also be her first day behind a wheel in seven years, so she didn’t trust herself with it.
Last night, after talking with Enda, he offered his place until she had her things figured out, so Aelin packed her and Finn’s essentials as quickly as she could and came back. Arobynn probably knew she’d left his mansion with two suitcases by now, but thankfully he hadn’t reached out.
She decided to contribute by dropping the kids at school, and only then realized she had no driver, no valid drivers license, and no money to pay an uber to a school that far. But she did have enough money in her wallet to pay the bus, which reminded her she needed a job. Immediately.
And her lack of job made Aelin think of another thing she needed. Silver hair, green eyes, muscles for days, father of her unborn baby. Yes, him. Aelin had just started figuring things out on how to rebuild her life, but one thing she was certain of is that she wanted him with her. Restarting together.
Apart from a job, Rowan and her kids, Aelin didn’t have much plans. When she was younger, the only thing she dreamed of was what she liked to see in the movies — pretty gowns, elegant parties, shopping for days on end —, but now that she already knew what it was like and the price that came along with it, what she needed was a calm, comfortable life with her family. Preferably with Rowan on her side.
The school looked exactly the same as it did yesterday and every other day when she got there, but it felt completely different to Aelin. Probably because she felt completely different.
Her eyes quickly spotted Rowan leaning against a column with crossed arms while he watched the playground.
His greeting lacked enthusiasm, and she had just remembered they weren’t in the best terms yesterday. She hoped her news would change it, though.
“I made a decision, and I need you to make one too.”
He hummed while nodding. “What did you decide?”
“I left Arobynn.”
Rowan’s head took a sharp turn her way, his eyes wide. “You... what?”
And that’s when a fist slammed into his jaw, making him stagger backwards when she noticed Lyria Desrosiers’ husband, who was currently fuming.
Rowan didn’t fight back. He had his hands up in surrender as he dodged another punch when the school’s security pulled them apart. Aelin just stared at the scene, too stunned to think.
“Stay the hell away from my wife,” Mr. Desrosiers barked with a reddened face and eyes bulged. The security guards let him go a moment later after he seemed a little calmer, and the only thing he aimed at Rowan was a mocking, malicious grin. “You can keep the car, though.”
Her stomach dropped. The car. Was it the car Rowan drove her in on the day they got together? Aelin guessed it had been a gift, but to have it rubbed in her face felt different. And why was Lyria’s husband only calling him out now? Was he... no, he wouldn’t be with the two of them at the same time, would he? Aelin flinched just to think about it, and that was when Rowan seemed to understand what was going on.
“Aelin.” His mouth opened and closed as he collected his thoughts. “You know I wouldn’t.”
She looked around, the whole playground blatantly staring at them, and she felt small, rather than New Aelin from a few minutes ago. The kids were staring too, and it was then that she remembered that her main goal was always to keep Finn safe. Mainly from having an incarcerated mom and being at evil dad’s mercy, but it also included avoiding witnessing public displays of violence.
Aelin took both frozen, wide-eyed children by the hand and left the school.
The boys only asked her what happened once, and didn’t say anything after she told them she’d explain it at home. Truth is, she didn’t know what was going on herself. Yes, it was pretty clear that Rowan and Lyria were or used to be a thing and she gave him the car, but Aelin was still trying to figure out what it meant.
His words from earlier couldn’t leave her head. You know I wouldn’t. It was pretty clear that he did have the affair, so did it mean that he wouldn’t be with both women at the same time? Why did Rowan care about her opinion on this when Aelin was literally married while they were together?
It’s not that she didn’t care about this herself. The thought of “sharing” Rowan made her want to pull out Lyria’s chestnut curls out of her head. But if there was something Aelin couldn’t preach him about, it was fidelity.
At last but not least, when Aelin made plans about her new life today, she’d never considered that Rowan might not want to join her. Even if he was too shy to admit it out loud, his goal had been clear from the start: marry rich. A jobless single mom born in the slums of Orynth was a far cry from that, and Aelin felt silly to think he’d change her plans for her. They still had the pregnancy to go through, but the reality of her situation was hitting her like a brick to the face.
Rowan’s car — the old one — pulled up close to the bus stop she and the boys were at, but she didn’t enter when he invited them in.
Aelin was frowning. “I’m the one who’s supposed to pick them up today.”
“No, Enda told me you were dropping them.”
Yeah, he was probably right. Her conversation with Enda was pretty much about dropping the kids at school, but she thought picking them up too was implied.
Rowan looked up and sighed. “Can you please just get in the car?”
They silently complied. Rowan silently rode the car. The mood was so somber all of them did nothing but stay silent, until Aidan’s small voice interrupted whatever was going on.
“Uncle Ro, why did he hit you?”
“I did something that made Mr. Desrosiers upset.” He looked at the boys through the rearview mirror. “But you can’t hit people, okay? Even when you’re really upset.
Aidan hugged his backpack and nodded. “What did you do?”
Rowan swallowed, his shoulders slumped. “It’s a grown-up thing, but don’t worry.” He quickly glanced at Aelin. “It’s not important.”
“But why did you do it if it’s not important?” Aidan insisted.
Rowan bumped his head against the seat and sighed, but Aelin interrupted to save him from all the questioning.
“Boys, what do you want today for dinner?”
“Pisspaghetti!” Finn shouted, and Aidan nodded in confirmation. Good. Whatever happened with Rowan, it didn’t mean she’d like to see him go through The Toddler Inquisition.
˜˜
When they got there, Enda’s husband wasn’t pleased in the slightest to hear about how Rowan got a swollen jaw.
“I told you picking Aidan up to seduce the moms was a terrible idea.”
Rowan’s eyebrows went up. “How was I supposed to meet someone while working at a men’s-only gym?”
“I could do pretty well in a men’s-only gym,” Enda’s husband scoffed, “And you could’ve used fucking Tinder instead of the school, man.”
“Okay, I got it, now could you please help me out?” He gestured to his jaw.
“What do you want me to do? It’s a punch, not a stab.” The doctor handed Rowan an ice pack. “I’ll go check on the kids.”
It was just Aelin, Rowan and another huge stretch of silence at the kitchen after he left. She knew she had things to discuss with him still, but her vision was carefully set on the fridge’s blue outer lights, even if he was sat on the stool next to hers.
“Lyria and I ended things before we got together. I even sold the car. No idea why her husband approached me only today.”
Aelin nodded. “Very honorable of you to stay faithful to a married woman.”
“You left Arobynn.” Not a question.
“I did.”
She could see his small nod through her peripheral vision. “Why?”
Aelin sighed, too spent to throw all her teenage traumas on him. It wasn’t only that she needed to tell him. Aelin wanted to tell him. But not now. Just remembering how emotionally draining it was to do it yesterday made her go into mental fatigue.
“It’s a long conversation, but what matters is that I’m free now.”
“Did he do something to you?” Rowan snarled, his posture completely tense.
“No,” Aelin lied while rubbing the back of his hand, trying and succeeding to reassure him. Technically, he did do something. But by the look of it, Rowan would be in Wendlyn to do Mala knows what before Aelin could explain everything. “I’m safe, I promise.”
More relaxed, he inquired, “You wanted me to make a decision earlier.”
Aelin scratched the back of her neck. “You see, I’m going to do a lot of rebuilding. My life, I mean. And I’m going to get back on my feet, and it’ll probably be messy, but I was wondering if you wanted to be there with me. Officially.”
“Fireheart.” He caressed her cheek with his thumb, looking deep into her eyes. “Of course I want to be with you. Officially.”
She beamed. “Yeah?”
“Sure.” Rowan brought their lips together in a quick, passionate kiss. “I love you.”
Aelin had no idea how to describe how she was feeling inside. Butterflies. A horse race. An inner earthquake. She cradled his face and kissed the tip of his nose, his lips, chin, and trailed kisses until she reached his ear and said, “I love you too.”
Grinning, Rowan pulled her by the waist and kissed her lips against the counter. What started as a joyful kiss got each time hungrier until she was sitting at the countertop and they were grinding against each other, Aelin tugging at his hair while he sneaked his hands underneath her clothes.
“Bedroom,” she croaked when his mouth found that spot between her neck and her shoulder.
Rowan grabbed the back of her thighs to carry her there, but stopped. “Do you have a condom? I think I forgot mine.”
“Too late for that,” she murmured.
Rowan only noticed what she’d just said when she froze first with the same realization.
“Aelin...” He carefully placed her back on the countertop. “What do you mean?”
What a terrible way to announce a pregnancy, she thought. But they were already there, so she might as well go on with it. Aelin took his hand, fiddling with it.
“I may or may not be pregnant.”
His eyebrows rose up. “You may or may not?”
Aelin ran a hand through her hair. “Look, I peed on the stick three times and they were all positive. But I didn’t confirm at the doctor, so yes, I may or may not. But there’s a good chance the sticks are right.”
The more she spoke, the more Rowan’s smile grew. “So you may or may not be pregnant?”
Aelin slowly nodded, still studying his expression.
“And you want us to be together?”
Aelin nodded with more confidence this time, encouraged by his cheerful expression.
Instead of saying anything, Rowan gave her a bone-crushing hug and pecked wherever his mouth could reach from his position. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Aelin gently kissed his lips and wrapped her arms around his hips.
He just carried her and kept lightly twirling around the kitchen, Aelin wrapped around him like a koala while they exchanged kisses and I love you’s.
˜˜
It had been three weeks since Aelin had moved in with her official boyfriend of three weeks, and she was already sprawled on his bed like it had been hers for years.
When Rowan suggested she and Finn would move to his apartment instead of staying at Enda’s, Aelin felt smug, thinking it was because he couldn’t keep his hands off her. Wrong. Actually, it was true, but he had an ulterior motive.
Keeping an eye on Aelin and the baby. And be cool Uncle Ro to Finn, since three weeks wasn’t near enough time to become a father figure. But they’d get there.
The thing is, the moment she dropped her suitcase at his place, Rowan became a mother hen. A dadzilla. A Buzzard.
For instance, in the name of “respecting the hormones”, he refused to wake her up from her constant naps, which made her miss cute moments like Rowan taking Finn to the park. She had just waken up to a picture of her son in a swing showing off all his baby tooth at the camera, and her chest swelled with affection to see Finn adapting to his new life so well.
Well, only new house, actually. The divorce process was still in the beginning, but Arobynn was still paying for Finn’s school, and getting back at Aelin wasn’t enough reason for him to want his own son. They still had a lot ahead of them, but Enda’s friend was an insanely good lawyer.
Two very different footsteps sounded through the hall, and Aelin didn’t have much time to think before the bedroom’s door burst open, hitting the wall behind it and making her cringe a little.
“Mommy!” her little terror squealed, throwing himself on the bed she was at.
Aelin chuckled and kissed Finn’s forehead. “Did you have a good time at the park?”
“Good! Rowan gave me chocolate juice.”
Rowan was watching them from the doorstep, a smile on his face as he got closer with both hands on his pockets. “That one loves chocolate. No idea who he got it from.”
Aelin smiled back, until she noticed something.
“Finn...” her eyes narrowed at his feet. “What do we do before laying on the bed?”
Her son only giggled in response, absentmindedly mocking her authority. She took Finn’s shoes off while Rowan carefully placed his boots beneath her bed, then the three of them were just lazying in bed.
Aelin’s quivering pregnancy stomach was under control. Finn quickly fell asleep from being too worn out, but he mentioned wanting pisspaghetti for dinner at the park. She was starting a new job tomorrow, and Rowan needed to be sure for the umpteenth time that she wouldn’t overexert herself in her sedentary work.
This. This was the thing Aelin didn’t know she wanted her whole life. As they spent just another Sunday together, she knew she was never gonna love again.
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#rowaelin#throne of glass#rowaelin fanfiction#rowan x aelin#rowan whitethorn#aelin ashryver galathynius
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Just A Check-up
Hema (OC)
Warnings/disclaimers: EKGs, OC and an unnamed character, implied anxiety and stress, chest pains and palpitations
Word count: 645
Hema finds himself getting anxious about chest pains and a rapid, pounding heart, so he decides to get it checked out. He's okay, don't worry.
//Author's note
Just something I wanted to write down about my blorbo. My silly guy. I need to start making more content for him, since he's the perfect candidate for these kinds of writings
🫀⸸⛧⸸🫀
Hema shuddered, the cold air of the infirmary chilling his bare torso as he laid back on a rather stiff stretcher, shifting a bit to get comfortable on it after having his heart listened to by the sister of sin who worked the nurse duties in the infirmary. A familiar face in an all too familiar place.
He was far more than just familiar with the Ministry's infirmary, his given vessel being weak upon his summoning resulting in the plague ghoul making frequent, almost daily, visits for tests and diagnosis for whatever disease or abnormality decided to show itself that day. This test was no different.
He twitched slightly, the sticky gel for electrodes against his skin chilling him further. "Ain't there no way you could warm these up before stickin' 'em on me?" Hema complained with his noticeable Southern drawl.
"Are you going to whine the whole time, or do you want to find out why you're experiencing these chest pains and palpitations?" The sister of sin taking nurse duties raised her brow at the ghoul, glaring playfully at him while feigning annoyance.
"Well, I just figured that since I'm a regular visitor I should have some kinda special treatment here." He folded his arms behind his head, which earned him a couple of light jabs to the ribs, making the ghoul jolt and swiftly clamp his elbows to his sides.
"And with how frequent you visit, I'm surprised you haven't learned to keep your arms down at your sides for these types of tests." She scolded.
"Right, right. Sorry." Hema chuckled bashfully.
The nun began gathering the electrodes, which were tangled like webs, sorting them out and placing them where they should go on Hema's body. Soon, the machine did its magic, showing all the peaks and valleys of the demon's heartbeat and printing it all out. They seemed normal. A steady rhythm with no skips or stumbles. There was one issue, however. It was just a little fast for a ghoul of his size. The nun hummed thoughtfully at the paper.
"What? What's it showin'?" Hema leaned up a bit to face her.
She said nothing, setting the paper aside to remove the electrodes from Hema's body, the ghoul wincing whenever the gel tugged at his body hair. "Am I okay?"
"Well," the dark nun began, "It appears normal for the most part, but it's not your usual rhythm." She explained, "Your heart sounded perfectly clear when I listened to it, which leads me to believe there's really nothing wrong with your heart at all. Have you had any caffeine?"
"No, ma'am. It makes me too jittery." He replied truthfully.
"Have you been nervous about anything or stressed out?"
Hema thought hard, his brows furrowing as he looked to the side. "I dunno what I would be stressed about. I mean, this tour is over now, so I shouldn't be stressin' out or nervous 'bought anything."
"Stressors tend to linger, even if you don't think it's there." She turned to a desk, writing something down on a sticky note and handing it to him. "Give this to Papa so he'll know to leave you be for a while. Rest up, drink some chamomile or lavender, chill out for a bit."
Hema glanced over the note before looking to the sister of sin, nodding at her and giving her a soft smile, "Appreciate it." He stood up from the stretcher, stretching, "Hopefully I won't need to bother you again today."
"Hey, you're not a bother." She patted his arm, "I'm here to help you when you need it."
Hema smiled a little wider, "Thanks."
After sending the note off to Papa Emeritus, he did as instructed. He decided to make himself a calming tea and curl up in his den, watching TV and sipping the warm drink. He already felt a little better.
#cardiophile#cardiophilia#heartbeat#cardiophiliac#ghost bc#the band ghost#rcrd's fic#ghost#ghost band#ghoul oc#ghost ghouls#rcrd's ocs#not proofread
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Fanbinding 2: Signatures (Print & Stitch)
Current project: A Choriambic Progression
Previously: Part 1
Disclaimer: still new at this. Please don't judge me. And also this is just what I do and really when it comes to some of the smaller details, that's personal choice and stuff you'll decide once you get going and know what you wanna do with it!
Step 1.) Signatures will print 4 story pages on 1 copy paper. I decided more or less early on to do signatures in sets of 20 pages. Though I know to print it by 20s, I still write it all out to try to keep track as I go. I write the total number of pages from Acrobat in the corner, then sort out each signature like so:
Obviously we won't always get a number divisible by 20, so the last signature might be off. But this tells me which pages to set when printing, and how many signatures I should have at the end.
Step 2.) CTRL + P aaand these are my printer settings:
Page Sizing & Handling set to "Booklet." Make sure booklet subset is set to "both sides." Binding: Left. Orientation: Portrait. Then up at "Pages to print" I click "Pages" and set the first one from "1-20" then once that gets to printing I go CTRL+P and set the next signature for "21-40" and so on and so forth.
Step 3.) I grab each signature when they finish and set them aside and group each signature together and easy to tell apart.
Helpful hint: I can tell a signature is done when one side has 2 page numbers side by side that go together (i.e. 68 & 69.)
Another helpful hint: you might need to do a few trial prints to make sure everything prints the way you like. I'd recommend choosing a shorter fic, between 3 and 10k maybe, and making a test signature to see that the font is how you like, what size you want to cut it to, that you're good folding it, etc. Also to get a feel for how to print it and make sure the print settings are right! That's what I did when I first started (I used my own fic Orange Blossoms as a trial run, then In My Veins In My Blood for a slightly longer one.)
Step 4.) Fold! I have bone folder & creaser tools I use for this. Have the side by side pages (i.e. 68 & 69) face up and fold them into each other signature by signature. You should be able to, once folded, flip through and see the pages all in order!
Step 5.) Smush the folded signatures. I keep them stacked and place some heavy books on top of them for a few hours. They need weight on them to settle down and flatten out a bit. You want to get it as tight and small as it's gonna get. I usually keep them under weight whenever I'm not working on them, but I give them a few hours under the books before moving onto the next step.
A note: I try to pick out my endpapers as early as possible and fold and cut and smush them along with the rest of my signature stack!
Step 6.) Cut paper. My copy paper is 8.5 x 11 inches. I know that how my signatures come out, the size I like to cut them to is 5 x 7.5. So with my paper cutter I cut one end down to 8 inches, then the other end to 7.5 inches, then lengthwise down to 5 inches. Again, whatever size works best for you, do that! Just make sure you know what the size is so you can keep it even across the board. (Or if you're like me: as even as you can get it.)
Step 7.) If I have time between cutting and poking, I smush them again, but if not I go right to poking holes!
Or...well, measure first. First you take one signature and mark on the edge where the center is. Then you make 3 marks on either side of it, spread out evenly. (I usually mark an inch apart for each mark outward.
Then you can stack the signatures and use a ruler and mark down so each signature has 7 marks for where you'll poke the holes.
Step 8.) Actual hole punching. I keep cardboard boxes around and use those to cut on top of. I grab a stretch of cardboard and place my signature unfolded on it and use an awl to poke a hole at each point I marked.
Step 9.) I like to give them more smush time before stitching, but after the holes you can stitch them. For this...I give you this Sea Lemon video: How to Stitch a Text Block for Case Book Binding. This is the method I use. I prefer unwaxed thread (I specifically use one I ordered from Hollander's) and I prefer to use a curved needle. I also use clamps to hold my "to do" pile of signatures together while I work, but that's because I like to stitch while laid out in bed or on the couch watching true crime videos LOL.
Not going to lie: stitching the text block is my favorite part. I find it very soothing! (Even if I'm watching true crime while doing it.) (Though for this one I was watching Wendigoon instead...weird/creepy stuff is just as fun as true crime ig 🤷♀️)
Note: a lot of sources I found have you glue the endpapers towards the end, but I prefer to stitch mine into the text block. I favor pretty sturdy endpapers, which is good since I basically have to do a row of stitching them alone, which might be too much stress for thinner paper.
Step 10.) yep...time to smush those signatures again!
Step 11.) Once they're pretty smushed, I do some gluing. I like to use headbands (which is decorative) and then you need to put down book cloth for extra stability. You need enough bookcloth to go down most of the spine, and a little bit on either side of the papers. Then you let it all dry while you work on the case, which I'll show you in Part 3!
I use PVA glue (I use Lineco brand which I ordered from Amazon) to put it all down. Normally I only glue down the spine, but for whatever reason I also 1.) used excess of the headband that I glued around and then I glued the bookcloth to the endpapers instead of leaving the excess out to glue down to the case later. Oops. Guess we'll see how that goes.
Also, while I didn't get a picture of it...
Step 12.) SMUSH. I put wax paper all around it so the glue wouldn't stick to anything else, then I stuck them back under weight. I've never smushed them again once I got to the gluing but I discovered the magic of wax paper a little late in the game last time, so we'll see how this goes!
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15 Questions, 15 Mutuals
DISCLAIMER… apparently you should not invite me to contribute to these if you don’t want a freaking novel in response… 🤷🏻♀️🤓 So this is on you guys, @littlemissmanga @idontgetanysleep @wolffegirlsunite @anxiouspineapple99 @rain-on-kamino @sinfulsalutations @the-bad-batch-baroness
Were you named after anyone?
No, but my mom grew up in Santa Monica……. 🤷🏻♀️
When was the last time you cried?
In therapy, within the last month, but otherwise, I try far too hard not to cry, and rarely do. I used to say that in a bragging sort of way, but since growing up a bit, I have realized it is mostly just from being emotionally stunted. 
Do you have kids?
Yes, a seven-year-old girl and a four-year-old boy. 💕
Do you use sarcasm?
Never.
What’s the first thing you notice about people?
I mean… their appearance? But not in a shallow way? 🤣🤣 Like some of you have said — body language, expressions, general overall vibe. Apparently “childhood trauma gave me hypervigilance”. 🙄
What’s your eye color?
Hayyyyyyyyzel
Scary movies or happy endings?
I cannot handle anything even remotely intense or scary. Like, the emperor electrocuting Luke in the Star Wars movies still makes me squirm. So ALL THE HAPPY ENDINGS. I’m 34 years old and I think I enjoyed the new Super Mario movie more than anyone else in my family, kids included. 🤣
Any special talents?
Hmm. I’m trying to think of things other than writing, ADHD, public speaking, photography… SO, I have a particular “IDGAF” attitude when it comes to hairstyles and tattoos, where I would do pretty much anything for fun or if I liked it. I’ve had a mullet (and not the fashionable kind), a pixie, waist-length, a rat tail, and everything in between. The tattoos need a bit more thought because they’re $$$. 🥴 But my hubby and I have jokingly named my thighs Justice and Redemption, and I’d like to hide some tattoos of those names on each one, and some kind of joke, using lord of the rings lines from the mines/gates of Moria for my nether-yaeya……. You get the gist. I have serious and meaningful and artistic tattoos, on me and on the docket, but those are some examples of the fun ones.😂 I also am a white water raft guide, and I seem to have the ability to smile and laugh in virtually any situation (birth, medical emergencies, probably funerals if I went), but again, therapy has ruined that by calling it “masking” 🤣🤣🤣 OH — one more — I always have to leave a place cleaner than I found it. When we’d go drinking in college, I’d sometimes disappear for a while because I was cleaning the bar bathroom counter. Same with parks or anywhere else… I have to pick up the trash I see. 💕 ENNEAGRAM 1 PROBLEMS, best summarized by this gorgeous song by Sleeping At Last.
Where were you born?
California.
What are your hobbies?
Oh, I guess here is where I can mention the regular stuff up above. 🤣 I really love writing, spending meaningful time with Jesus, and spending time in nature just being completely present and delighting in every leaf, bug, etc… And as cheesy as it sounds, I love having fun with my husband. We really are best friends, to the point where we will sometimes stay up way too late at night just because we are having so much fun talking about nothing and everything. 🥹
Have any pets?
A bulldog-border collie mix dog named Teddy, a bearded dragon named Jabba, and usually something else like a blue belly lizard or tadpoles or whatever the kids find and want to bring home. I really want to get some kind of parrot like an African gray, or if I ever found an abandoned baby raven, that would be incredible. 🤓 I would totally have a few cats, but the husband is allergic.
What sports do/have you played?
I am not a land athlete… When it comes to things like agility or speed. I am, however, an excellent swimmer, and did swim team from age 4 through college, and I am also very strong and sturdy, so I enjoy lifting heavy weights. 🤓
How tall are you?
5‘10“, or 177cm 😘 And yes, I played basketball for a few years, but only because I went to a tiny school and they needed someone on the girls team to stand underneath the basket with their arms over their head like an intimidating ogre who might occasionally get a rebound.
Favorite subject at school?
ENGLISH!! Reading, analyzing, writing… Also theater, because I thought I was going to be an actress until I got old enough (read: 22) and realized I was TERRIBLE. 🤣 apparently a bubbly, charismatic personality doesn’t necessarily translate to acting skills. 🤷🏻♀️
Dream job?
Honestly, I don’t think I even know. As a child, I wanted to be everything from a marine biologist to an actress to a vet to a dolphin trainer to an astronomer. I have always thought it would be fun to be a personal assistant to some high-powered CEO or something where my only job was to plan all of the travel and meetings, and get to go around the world that way, but none of the actual responsibilities of the company fall to me. Just simple organization and frequent travel. 😂 Also a food critic. 🤭 Or a stunt woman.
Apparently the jury is still out.
But the cool thing is that I absolutely love my job. I loved teaching in the classroom, and now getting to do my work from home while I enjoy my kids’ childhood is absolutely amazing. We are at a water park for two days, and I am sending emails and answering questions about online classes while I sit in a lounge chair with my feet in the water. God has been so incredibly kind and gracious to me, SOOOOO far beyond what I deserve or could even fathom. 🥹
So many of you have already been tagged! So I’m just going to spray and pray some tags here. 😂 Ignore if you’ve already completed it (and tag me if I haven’t seen it??). But if you feel like you fly under the radar around here, and would like to be tagged in stuff like this more often or have more engagement, feel free to comment or message me!!
@the-cantina @drafthorsemath @lightwise @cloned-eyes @lightspringrain @zaana @verndusk @pinkiemme @literallyjustanerd @alamogirl80 @clonemedickix @shitexcuseofausername @vimse @523rdrebel @annwayne @l-lend @lornaka 😘
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