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blackasmyhangryfurrybrokensoul · 9 months

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Childhood. The best time of a person' life. Right?

Childhood. The days where I could (not) play outside with other kids. Childhood. The days where everything was (not) fun and you were responsible for nothing (but the welfare of myself and my whole family). Childhood. The days I could go up to strangers and pet their dogs (and get yelled at for it).

The days I could not even make eye contact with the neighbors daughter because I wasn't allowed to play with her because she wasn't muslim. The days I'd tell my mom I'm starving and she couldn't do anything about it because my dad wanted her to pay attention to him instead. The days where I parrotted my parents' beliefs to my grandmother, criticizing her beliefs. The days I was told to avoid people in stores and parks. The days my mom would sob for hours and all I could do was watch or pat her on the back. The long afternoons I spent in an empty apartment, making a game out of the bare floor tiles. The days I would watch the cars come and go from my apartment window. The days where I spent more time in my head than outside. The days where I didn't understand why no one would stay my friend. The days where I would get forgotten at school. The days when crying made me oversensitive. The days when my anger wasn't taken seriously. The days when my mom was too busy with my sisters. The days when my parents were always angry. The days I would pray to god in the backseat that they calm down. The days when any car ride with them felt terrifying. The days when I would write notes to my dad telling him i was upset about stuff, and he wouldn't even read it. The days where I had no idea what any of my peers were talking about. The days where I was the only one who didn't have the cool TV channels. The days where I couldn't afford to buy books when I wanted. The days where I had to teach myself because nobody could be bothered to hire a tutor. The days that I went over to my aunt's house to snack on her food because we didn't have anything. The days when my family bothered me about my low weight when I could do nothing about it. The days when I wasn't allowed to hang out with any friends. The days when I only left my house for school and the doctor. The days when I'd get yelled at for wearing lipstick. The days I'd get yelled at if my aunts took me out and we came back past 9. The days I'd be scared to death of missing my bedtime. The days I became a therapist to my mom, then my sisters, then my dad. The days I became the family moderator. The days no one noticed or understood my harmful stim because no one would actually ask me what's going on and no one would listen, not even the doctors. The days when bleeding and open wounds felt good. The days when I would only get seen as a struggling child when I would explode on others. The days I'd only get taken seriously if I yelled. The days I had to act like I didn't care for love or cute stuff or soft feelings because they seemed taboo and "pointless" in my household. The days I felt really really lonely. The days I was felt so confused by the people at school, not understanding how they all seemed able to interact with others so well. The days I did creepy art in hopes they'd disturb the people around me. The days I craved shock because that was attention without friendly commitment. The days I wasn't allowed to really dress like a girl. The later days where I didn't know how to dress like a girl. The day I got slapped for asking for comfort. The days I had no internet.

I can't wait to get older. "But you'll wish you were young again". Not at all. Maybe I might wish for a DIFFERENT childhood. But i would never want to relive the childhood I had. I would barely stand reliving my teenage years, and only if I could know what I do now. Getting older is one of the best things to happen to me, and I don't wanna look back too much.

I had to be so alone and independent and responsible then. Now I feel like a child having to catch up to a bunch of more emotionally developed people.

I walked out of my house yesterday needing space, with this newfound freedom that really only came with guts and age. I was a kid, now finally able to run away from people asking too much of me. Finally able to tell my family that I've had enough of their bullshit. There's so much anger I can't express. So much that I just wanna drop it all and walk away. Never mention it, just disappear. I had o tire myself out, so I powerwalked, sometimes ran, through my neighbourhood. It felt like the child I was was running in my place, running from something more than a creepy car in the parking lot. It felt like a memory I never got to have. It felt like defeat. It felt like fear. It felt like sorrow, sorrow that I could put somewhere besides myself. It felt like "fuck it all". It felt like not caring if I upset people anymore. It felt like knowing that my dad's reaction to me wandering the streets at 10pm can't be worse than how my sister and mom have been acting.

I'm exhausted

My misery is not just my dad. Or just my mom. Or just my sister. It's the collective experience. Each one alone might be okay. Just not together. My mom says that we'd be fine just without him. He thinks so too. I still don't think that would fix everything. I cannot be their therapist. I cannot be the only reasonable person in this house. When I say I wanna run away from my family, I mean them all. I don't mind having to deal with them from a respectful distance. I don't mind dealing with them as long as they don't hold me closer than they hold the voices in their own heads. I don't mind, if they actually improve on the things they say they will. As long as I don't always have to be the one raising them and walking them step by step through life. I'd rather not be so close to them if this is how they're gonna deal with me.

#rant #vent post #childhood #idk #feelinng things

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artsymyargentavislove · 2 years

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Guys, Boom!Shadow is the local cryptid...

Ok, if the Boom Universe is it's own thing separated from canon, there are no humans and no GUN...

Where did Shadow came from then?

At this point I can totally see Sonic saying: 'Idk, he just goes whenever he pleases and destroys shit up because he feels like it and it's not like anyone but us can stop him'

Imagine if Boom!Shadow is an experiment gone horribly wrong just like the original but we are left completely on the dark about it. That's the only explanation I can find for his absolutely nonsensical behavior, nonexistent social skills, his 'Angry, FIGHT ME' attitude and how eggman can easily deceive him with a shitty edited video when the original was a fucking menace that played with everyone he met like chess pieces on a board to the point he almost succeeded in his plan to destroy earth and everything in it.

Like, he's the same Shadow but there's no Gerald, no Maria and no greater purpose like curing illnesses and protecting humanity, just a creature given intelligence and thrown into the world to figure it out alone, like Frankenstein's monster but this one's half two different aliens and way too much power.

Imagine that for some reason animals don't fear him, he's an asshole to everyone else but then he has pretty birds eating from his hand, absolutely calm and quiet when around an animal he finds cute, imagine he simply can't bear to see caged animals and gets in a specially bad mood if he sees one making tricks in exchange for food (Even if they are completely healthy, happy pets), he criptically comments 'Feeling superior, aren't you? Having lesser creatures humilliate themselves for your own entertainment'.

Then the next scene have Eggman annoying him visiting his cave only to find him with a bunch of birds and a pair of squirrels all over him and the dark hedgehog absolutely unbothered, one silent glare and Eggman magically takes out a big bag of bird seeds as a peace offering, Shadow scoffs and only then he listens to whatever he has to say (QUIETLY) while feeding the birds. Eggman may know something we don't here given the a bit too familiar way he acts with Shadow through the show. (He just nonchalantly invited himself in what is meant to be someone else's house, regardles if there is no door to keep him out)

Imagine him eventually trusting Knuckles or Sonic enough to teach them how to win a bird's trust and it's the only time he doesn't immediately pick a fist fight with Sonic because he doesn't wanna disturb the animal since it's his favorite, if he gets questioned about the animal's name (As if implying it's his pet) he says his own version of 'Animals don't have names because they know themselves' (From Coraline)

(Original: Now, you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.” There was something irritatingly self-centered about the cat, Coraline decided.)

Then who named Shadow? Himself? Or someone else?

Imagine him treated like a wild animal, chained in a cage and poked with so many needles and scalpels without anesthesia you point at him with something remotely sharp and he goes ballistic and hissing bloody murder. Taught to obey commands like a parrot and rewarding him with 'treats' he doesn't even like but absolutely refusing to acknowledge he can talk in full, comprehensible sentences and may be equally, if not even more intelligent than you want to accept because this creature exists for my own amusement, I created him so I can do whatever I please with it, Right?

Take Stick's whole conspiration theories, (Haven't seen the series in quite some time, but as far as I'm concerned she more often than not turns out to be RIGHT) Shadow-the-fucking-Hedgehog is a living, breathing goverment conspiracy, I can absolutely see her chasing the poor guy down enough to corner him to the point he becomes absolutely paranoid and terrified of her until he has enough and yells 'I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT CAGE, OVER MY DEAD BODY!' and everyone is like: 'What did you just say now?'

Or someone says something specifically triggering for Shadow and he just freezes like he saw a fucking ghost and makes him lose composture and even Sonic is worried about him only for him to run away as fast as he can before he spirals into a panic attack. (He does, but in the safety and comfort of his cave)

Whoever has watched the series and has better memory than me feel free to add whatever you want. I'm just like, ok, make Shadow the villain but make it made sense, give him a valid reason to hate the world and the people in it other than just tape glue the word edgy on his forehead, but again, I'm not even able to make him an actual villain, guess the anti-hero status remains...

#shadow the hedgehog #sonic boom #sticks the jungle badger #sticks the badger #chaotic ideas #fanfiction ideas #inspiration #fanfic dumpster #free prompts #knuckles the echidna #boom!shadow #boom knuckles

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villainsandvictimsalliance · 3 years

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Omg do you have more cute hcs with the lov and class1a/1b

I dont care how long or short it is, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE READING THEM 💕💕💕💕💖 😊😊

Theyre so comforting <333

YES I HAVE A BUNCH. COME TAKE IT ALL.

Tomura is an expert in video games, right? Well, he's currently working from afar with Hatsume and Melissa to create a VR system to help the kids at UA train.

Everything because the first thing he did when meeting Nezu was telling him the UA system sucked.

No more public exposure, no more simple barriers keeping away the villains from the kids, no more pushing them to dangerous places with no proper supervision.

The new job of the League when it comes to working is the UA is keeping the place as safe as possible and helping the kids recover from the trauma of the war.

Dabi doesn't like working directly with the kids, so his job consist on patrolling around the UA. In case a crisis is reported, he's the first at the place and his job is to keep the crisis on minimum 'til the teachers arrive.

The funniest part is the type of crisis he has solved so far. They include:

Helping people with their crushes because they tried to confess and caused an accident. (Dabi has the fun of his life with it, being honest).

Accidents in the kitchen. (No much he can do except using Shoto as a way of taking down the flames).

Stupid fights (He is banned from helping in those since he cheered for Shoto when he was fistfighting Iida for saying something to Midoriya).

And his favorite: keeping Mineta at bay. Dabi is not the type of gentleman that defends women constantly, because he just doesn't care about helping anyone. But Mineta is a type of gross he would have incinerate in the streets if he was a man and not a kid. So instead, he just walks from a safe distance and keeps scaring the kid when he's about to annoy one of the girls.

Tomura always find Dabi is the halls complaining about the no smoking rule

They make fun of each other a little until they realize they should be working and there are kids staring at them.

Class 1-A talks about Dabi like the older brother who was in jail.

Oh, but Dabi told me...

They are actually well informed about a bunch of stuff and they know how to take care of street criminals better now.

Ah, but they're also the ones who check if he is not drinking too much, if he's having proper rest, if his burns and staples are taken care of, if he's not too anxious or depressed, if hes' taking his meds...

If he's not following one of those, they call Natsuo. Oh man, Natsuo has become the emergency contact of half the League somehow. Maybe because he has a golden heart or maybe because they all are scared of Fuyumi by some weird reason.

Shoto is the other emergency contact when it comes to Dabi, hmmm, but sometimes he just follows Dabi bad example and well.

Dabi is the anti-Santa. He's gonna give you that one gift you wanted but everyone said no because it's dangerous.

"Dabi, I'm trying to make a safer space for the kids" , "Tomura, I'm trying to make them relax".

After getting fired twice by Aizawa, Dabi is finally behaving.

This has nothing to do with the fact that he's finally dating Tomura tho.

WHICH TAKE US TO: SPINNER, THE BROTHER WHO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES HIS RESPONSIBILITIES.

Spinner works in the same thing as Dabi, but he's the reliable one.

Getting Uraraka down when she starts floating on her sleep, calming people down when they're having anxiety attacks, noting when someone is having a bad day and requesting the teachers to let the person rest...

Spinner is the one actually helping them with their ptsd. He makes everything so easy and pleasant. It's like they're just kids taking classes and having fun.

Besides, class 1-B knows he is amazing at cuddling and people love his hugs. Just by seeing Spinner, they cheer up.

He and Shinso are responsible for the purple hair tendency among the kids of General Studies. Their heroes.

He's also the one who helps the kids with their training sessions when they need a partner but there's no one else to help them.

He became one of the official bus drivers of the school after taking some lessons and requesting a license.

He sings with them while they travel, he always has snacks in case someone is hungry and he has pills in case someone is motion sick. Well, a bunch of pills since Dabi is always motion sick.

He had a crush on Tomura but he realized it was more platonic than anything.

Now now, Tomura and Spinner have matching gamer tattoos that said Player #1 and Player #2. Dumbasses in action.

If Dabi is the problematic uncle and Spinner is the responsible uncle...

That leave us with: Compress the artistic dad and Kurogiri the dad who's always working far away but you can totally rely on.

THE VIDEO CALLS WITH KUROGIRI AND COMPRESS ARE SO CUTE.

101 Flirting with Compress.

All the kids in all courses have a personalized mask. Compress is addicted to creating them.

His beautiful, mischievous kids that once, trying to distract him, stole his prosthesis and kept it going around the school from room to room.

Turns out it was a surprise party, but man if it was fun because Compress pretended the whole time he was a pirate looking for his long buried treasure.

HE GOT A PARROT AND HE NAMED HIM RED BEAK.

Bakugo almost exploded the whole place after hearing such a ridiculous name.

Well, Red Beak loves making fun of Bakugo, repeating everything he says.

RED BEAK AND KIRISHIMA ARE BESTIES. YES YES.

The Bakusquad would kill for Red Beak.

Sero is teaching him Spanish, Mina is teaching him to dance, Denki is teaching him bad jokes and Jirou is teaching him to sing.

Tokoyami is the official protector of Red Beak. Koda is the translator.

On the other hand, Kurogiri always gives them some honey and other things when he visits the school.

He congratulates them on their achievements, he hears them for hours talking about their adventures and he is the old friend you call when it's 3am, you're feeling bad but you don't want to worry no one else.

If you want to solve a problem, call Kurogiri. He's gonna give you the clues but let you solve it yourself.

The award for the dad with more patience goes to: KUROGIRI.

If you really really need to run away from some hours, he can use his quirk to rescue you and he would prepare some tea for you, wrap you in a soft sweater and walk with you through his yard. You can pick flowers or fruit with him until you calm down. Or you can watch old movies with him. Or bake. Being with him is like floating around in the sky, no worries, just clouds and stars and soft noises and lights.

The school always knows when it happens and they are okay with it. Mostly. Just don't do it too much.

Toga is another good option if you need to talk but you don't know with who.

She's actually a great listener and an expert on making things look less stressing than they are. You see, she pays attention at your triggers and moods and if she sees something is bothering the students, she finds a way to distract them immediately, while letting the teachers deal with the problem.

Ah, the queen of gossip.

If you want to know something about someone you need to pay the prize, tho. And she won't even tell you if she considers the secret must be guarded 'til the grave.

She's the one who takes the messages to the parents because she's fast, can hide at plain sight and doesn't put them in danger.

You never know where Toga is. She someone studies like the rest of them, but she's like, selected to secret missions. She has a lot of info but they all trust her somehow.

Maybe is the fact that she would kill and take a stab for you. And that she would never put Deku or Ochaco in danger. Or her family.

She's also Mineta's biggest nightmare.

Try sexualizing the girl and win a terrifying week, courtesy of Toga Himiko.

She won't let you sleep, she won't let you eat, you're gonna wish you were never born. She can make you feel as sexualized, observed and stalked as you make the girls feel. Oh, she's gonna show you exactly how it feels to be a girl.

Also don't sexualize the boys around her either. Stabby queen is not gentle to those who are not gentle with her friends. Period.

Friendly reminder: 0 stabbing accidents since she started studying at UA.

BECAUSE THEY GAVE HER A RUBBER KNIFE.

And finally, the Tomura headcanons.

He's always falling asleep on odd places. The kids have a new name called "let's put a blanket on Tomura".

And then they call Dabi or Spinner to take him somewhere more comfortable.

He's working so hard. He's really working so hard on redeeming himself, even when everyone has already forgiven him. But he has this fear of being a failure or being too much...

The kids are also well trained on how to help him through his anxiety or panic attacks. Even more, some of them have always a pair of gloves in them just in case.

Momo is more than happy to make him more.

It's kinda sad how much he's suffering even now. That's way they all do their best to let him know his doing great.

Kisses in the cheek, compliments on how he's looking, new products to his hair and skin, playing the games he recommends, telling how badass he is when he trains them...

Somehow being around Tomura has help them realize how important is communicating stuff. They all are way healthier now.

Tomura is just... So sincere. He's been instructed to share his thoughts, because he had a problem before with communicating properly. That means he used to forget saying certain information because it was obvious to him, but not to others.

He doesn't mean to hurt people. He's just saying what he thinks. Which also means he offends a bunch of people not by accident. And he doesn't apologize because he is just doing what he's been told.

Midoriya and Shigaraki's discussions are epic. And so are their fights. Yes, they fight like siblings. Which is crazy funny because they are like "friendly reminder you tried to KILL ME" and "WELL YOU DESERVED THAT FOR BEING A DICK".

They've finally found out that you can complain to him or get a little violent and he's not gonna even blink, just hear you out.

It was because Bakugo got a little violent with him and yeah, he just stared back waiting.

You can't imagine Dabi's anger when Tomura told him about Kotaro. He was frustrated because at least Tomura did step on Endeavor and humiliated him for life, but him? He is angry with a man that's dead and gone.

Okay no, the whole League is angry about the things that has happened to the whole League. That's the thing with finally being able to relax and feel. It all comes back in a flood.

They have prohibited being around school when the parents visit. Specially because they are no very civil to shitty parents.

And if a kid confess about having shitty parents, oh boy. The League is gonna BE PISSED.

The UA is still a total chaos, but now in the right ways. They have more normal problems, they don't have to win war and kill evil lords, they complain about not having money to go out and forgetting their homework. And the ex-villians can complain about life being boring a needing more action.

That's a good thing. That means they all are healing, together.

They're gonna be fine.

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elsanna-shenanigans · 3 years

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August Contest Submission #15: Jupiter’s Moon

Words: ca. 2,000 Setting: Takes place in one of Jupiter’s Moon Lemon: No CW: Hunting, implied character death, reincarnation

Anna’s POV

There was a very noticeable tint of magenta in the plants today, it might have rained methane last night as per usual. Around this time, she usually comes out. The woman of winter, she is said to attack warriors after rain.

But I have to go out to hunt. I have duty to my mother, Iduna, and my younger brother, Kristof.

They depend on me to bring back food. I looked up and saw Jupiter and prayed to him. May he give me strength for my hunt tonight.

I scoured the forest for signs of life. There was a faint smell of meat and I saw a dear Elfien. It’s ears twitched at the slightest of sounds. I gentled my steps, moving barely louder than an intake of breath. It moves, I freeze in my position. Unseen as I blend into the purple leaves of the Bashens.

I was about to attack when it suddenly walked towards something, it walks into its nest, full of its masenowa. I was stricken with such empathy for this endearing creature that I decided to leave it alone.

But it is when the most unexpected happened. A Frucknigh leapt in to attack the poor Elfien. It was luckily alert, protecting its masenowa and was able to dodge the early attack.

This was my only opportunity to both take a kill and protect the Elfien and its bunch so I took out my spear, aimed and threw.

Luckily, the spear fatally wounded the Frucknigh and I was able to easily wrestle it to the ground, where it bled out. The Elfien had long moved its masenowas away, so I went to work and carried the Frucknigh home.

It was just my luck that I met her.

It’s her.

Third POV

Before her is the woman from my dreams. She had the same hair, the same shape, the same face. She wore a weird expression, perhaps she was just as shocked, terrified and horrified as Anna was. Afterall, who would look for a kill around this time?

“This is…” the strange woman started. “Very peculiar, you look just like her.”

“Are you the woman of winter?” she asked.

With that the woman let out a hearty laugh. “So you know who I am?” she said.

“Of course.” Anna smiled knowingly. “You’re not here to kill me are you?”

“No, don’t worry,” the woman of winter replied, and she joined Anna on her way back home.

As they were deep in the journey, the woman started to talk to Anna. “How do you talk to me like I’m just another?”

“Me, your Aetherness? This wasn’t my first meeting with a spirit. I have in fact already met an oracle.”

“Oh, an Oracle,” the woman parroted, holding such expressive curious eyes. “And who might this be?”

“Your Aetherness, her name is Yelena.” Anna reveals.

“Oh, so she is here?” Elsa asked again to which Anna replied with “You two have met in the scape?”

“We go a long way back, yes.”

“Well this is Jupiter’s moon after all,” Anna said. Her house came into view, they were close. “The harborer of dreams.”

They talked for more while inside while Anna went about preserving the meat for whole winter, and checked the stockpile to gauge if it would last them until the Yelsian Circle.

When Anna was making her way to the Phosian’s trickles, used to keep the recently killed frucknigh fresh within their house inventory. The woman had already disappeared, it’s unclear to her how long she has been talking all by herself.

Elsa’s POV

But it couldn’t be! Elsa thought again and again… This just couldn’t be. If it was then everything I knew as a reality isn’t as real as I once believed.

There was no way her own eyes were lying to her though, so she went and looked for Yelena, she had asked the hunter woman where Yelena was and she had pointed the way.

Yelena lived in a very dense forest-like place in this new planet. Unsurprising.

“Before you say anything,” Yelena said as she saw her approach. “I knew you were coming here. You would sooner or later. Sit down, I will answer your questions.”

And so Elsa asked why this woman looked like Anna, her Anna.

Yelena gave her simple yet vague answer “Yes, it is her. This is Jupiter’s moon. The harborer of dreams.”

Frustrated, Elsa went back to see Anna again, but her projection to the planet got weaker and she was pulled back to Earth. Her heart ached.

“Was it lies?” Elsa asked herself for a hundredth time since she had seen the woman who looked like Anna. “Or was I just too dumb to see it for myself.”

Anna waited the next day, hoping she might see the winter woman again, but she reckoned that the winter woman can only travel after a methane rain when the dreams are the strongest. Anna waited for its next pouring.

“Do you know?” Elsa asked her friend, “when it rains here, it also rains in Earth.”

Anna stared incredulously to her. “Do you mean Nirim, your Aetherness?” she asked the woman.

“Please, call me Elsa.” The woman gave her name.

“Elsa.” Anna repeated, testing the name on her tongue. “I didn’t know Aethers named themselves. They had always only held titles in the gathered tongues.”

“Names are important from where I came from and I had one before I became the fifth spirit,” Elsa replied. “Why do they call you Anna?”

“It means Redhaired woman.” Anna answered which shocked Elsa a bit.

It was eons before it rained methane again and this time Elsa came back with Jupiter’s moonflower. It is a very important flower that meant a lot on the moon. This one was for courtships.

“Are those for me? Do you know what that flower means?” Anna asked Elsa, and she received a smile as an answer.

“This is Jupiter’s moon? The harborer of dreams?”

Earlier, Elsa has Yelena again to ask for advice.

“How do I get her back?” she asked Yelena, “How do I get my Anna back?”

“Do what you were too cowardly to do before.”

“This isn’t fair!” Elsa yelled. “Ahtohallan was… I had a great responsibility.”

“You had something more important, Elsa, and you let it slip because you were tempted by power or by a delusion that you must shoulder everything. Thus the need to push your sister away. A bridge with its sides apart is a useless bridge, Fifth Spirit.”

Elsa threw away a stash of something at Yelena’s table. Was it important? She can’t seem to care, already on the brink of breaking down. “How will I do it?”

“Take this.”

“This? What is…this?” Elsa stared at the flower in her hand. It looked the same as the crocus flower that used to symbolize their kingdom… and her Anna. She hated seeing it now that Anna was gone. When she looked closer there were notable differences.

“It’s a very important flower here. Source of life in the great dark when there’s no sun in view of the sky. When given to someone, it’s a sign of courtship.”

Elsa blushed but she took it anyway, resolving to finally give it to Anna.

Whenever it rained, the woman of winter visited anna as usual as the Licors narling, always a Jupiter’s moon in tow. This clued Anna in with the woman’s motivation.

“If I may ask, Elsa.” Elsa looked at her and Anna posed the question: “Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“You can’t just join with someone you just met.” Anna pointed out.

“Our time together is too short to be asking questions.”

“That’s very hypocritical of you Elsa, ever since we met you’ve been asking me questions. I want answers too.” Anna spat out, annoyed.

“You remind me of someone very important to me.”

“There, it isn’t hard, is it?” Anna said. Elsa grumbled but Anna continued her questioning. “This someone, what happened between you too. Why aren’t you together?”

“She…” Elsa started, “We were in predicament.”

“Did you love her?” Anna asked.

“Yes, I did but at that time…” Elsa sighs, clearly thinking about something important. “She recovered something, a letter of mine from when I was still a young, naive woman. She took it to heart and ran off despite warnings of an incoming Blizzard.”

“Must have been an important letter,” Anna remarked.

“She was in a hurry, to leave. Some says she had a letter in hand but no one found her. This story is very hard for me to tell. Let’s not…speak about it anymore.”

“You were of winter, if anyone could have found her even if she was…you would have if you really loved her. You must have seen the letter. You did, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t” Elsa told Anna.

“I don’t believe it.” Anna replied.

“It doesn’t matter to me. Why are you so hang up about MY past.” Elsa pointed out, emphasizing the words.

“There must be a reason you brought this up. It’s important and I want to know about it.” Anna prodded at Elsa. “Please Elsa I’m so confused. I need to know something.”

“That’s enough, we’re not talking about this anymore.” Elsa remarked, her tone absolute.

“Why are you shutting me out. You’re like this whenever it’s about your past. Tell me, what are you so afraid of?” Anna said, as what she does when she’s panicked and quite fed up about being kept in the dark.

“I said enough!” Elsa exclaimed, the methane around them turned into hard crystals. “I’m leaving.”

“Were you like this to her too? You care for people, you want to be closer to them, yet you push them away? And you leave them? Are you going to abandon me too?” Anna stood her ground and glared. Elsa remained silent. The great dark is on its way and she couldn’t just stand here and wait.

There were only three rains left before the great darkening of the sky when there would be less living things in the planet, less food to it and silver to drink, the oracle informed Anna as she approached. If Elsa does not visit her before this, then she may never see her again for spirits cannot come here when life is barren.

Two rains passed and Elsa didn’t show and Anna was heartbroken until she saw her brother playing with a Jupiter’s moon. The flower was hard to get around this time and he was fairly young to have gotten it himself.

“Where did you get this flower Kris?”

“The silver haired woman gave it to me.”

“When?”

“After the oracle trip?”

This gave Anna some semblance of hope, she just hoped it didn’t break her further.

Elsa appeared in the last rain, the strongest. When Anna saw her, she was soaked in silver and dazzling under the gaze of the other moon, like it was her witness.

“You’re right,” Elsa admitted. “I saw what was in the letter.”

Anna was surprised that Elsa admitted it and she waited for her to say more.

“She was returning my feelings and I…I was so scared to face her so I didn’t show myself until it was too late.”

Elsa started crying and Anna hugs her, shedding a tear too.

“It’s okay, Elsa,” Anna whispered softly as she lightly rubbed Elsa’s back.

Elsa soon recovered.

“I fucked up and I don’t want to fuck it up again anymore. Anna I…I love you,” Elsa confessed.

“Is your love for her the same as your love for me?” Anna asked Elsa, her face serious.

“I think my love for her was real, as is my love for you right now. If you’ll accept it.”

“Of course I do!” Anna jumped up and down. “My love for you is real too.”

“I’m happy.” Elsa smiled at her, this was the brightest one yet. “I have one final question.”

Anna looked at her wondering what it was, “I’ve been wondering, do you remember?” Elsa fidgeted. “Are you her?”

Anna’s POV

Jupiter’s Moon, the harborer of dreams. The flower shines in the dark to give light to other creatures, to the extent of using all its lifeforce to provide sufficient light, especially if it’s winter. It was a wonder how such species of a flower survived, the nature of its existence is so counter-productive to its chances of survival but it withstood and remained in its harsh environment.

It’s said that consuming the plant in the time of the great lunar cycle will provide memories, from another life or another plane.

The Oracle, as she calls herself, told me of my previous life. How I was a princess of a great kingdom and that I saved all the people I loved but that it was what killed me too.

I didn’t understand it at first, but I held onto those memories until I met her.

In that moment, I knew I was her.

#elsanna #submission #august 2021 contest #prompt: flowers #cw: hunting #CW: implied character death

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missnoodliness · 5 years

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Emergency Externship

I had an amazing three week experience at a practice about 90 miles away from where I rent. This place is a 24/7 privately owned emergency clinic that sees companion animals, exotics, and wildlife! I learned a lot and for the 12 shifts I worked, I saw 121 patients. As a student, I'm proud of myself for that. I also got loads of surgical experience! I did 2 splenectomies, a spay, a canine forelimb amputation, a GDV surgery, unblocked an obstructed cat, and did lots of wound care!

I had an incredible opportunity to work with rabbits (you know they're my favorite thing) and was delighted when the staff trusted my handling skills. I got to discuss husbandry with clients. I interpreted a bunch of bunny x-rays!

Guinea pigs are great, but the whole squealing might shatter glass while injections are being given

Guinea pigs and rabbits who are not eating and come in hypothermic have a poorer prognosis. It was hard to watch people who couldn't afford inpatient treatment take them home.

Chinchilla fur is so thick it shows up on x-rays.

I had a kingsnake who was literally ingesting about 1/3 of its own body who was just stuck. Recurved teeth don't allow you to leave! Tongue depressors were necessary.

Boa constrictors are no joke! My patient tried to wrap my arm and I only started sweating when I realized this snake could break my humerus if I stressed it out.

Snakes are like cows for blood draws: tail vein, midline, hit vertebrae, pull back, get that blood. These just have scales to navigate in-between.

Reptile blood cells are so beautiful and I can make good blood smears apparently.

Leopard geckos are so cute? I never knew and loved this lady showing me the huge terrarium with hides, heat spots, humidity monitors, temp gauges, and branches to climb.

I think mice and rats have wonderful personalities, but I don't know how owners can commit knowing they're so short-lived. It was heartbreaking.

Wild rabbit kits are just impossible to save sometimes

Do not ever bring me a wild goose ever again. Satan lives within them and they're just hissing dinosaurs in a rage who have no qualms about fucking up your day or pooping all over everything you love. NO GEESE ever again

I really enjoyed working with small birds but regret that many of them are too small to spare me any blood for tests.

I did not enjoy a parrot trying to attack me.

The fun thing about parrots is that they can literally tell you to fuck off. I've never seen a wife so embarrassed while the other wife laughed her ass off.

In emergency clinics, we prioritize the actively dying patients. If you as a client do not like this, sorry you feel that way. Not changing.

If you own a cat, no poinsettias or lillies! Even the pollen is toxic and causes kidney injury!

Please, for the love of dog, do not leave out food that's toxic to dogs: anything with chocolate, raisins, grapes, medications.

Put your recreational drugs AWAY. Seriously. In the cupboard where your pet cannot get it.

Also, stop leaving edibles and pot cookies/brownies out.

If your pet has unsupervised time in the yard, then you are NOT certain they didn't eat something they shouldn't have. I've got 5 rocks to back me up on this.

Dogs should be in fences or on a leash. I'm sick of Hit by Car cases.

Keep your cats on a leash or in your house. No unsupervised time outdoors: period. I'm not bending on this one. Cats destroy native wildlife, spread disease to other cats, and get traumatized by automobiles/other animals. Provide enrichment instead. It's safer and costs less than a vet bill.

Emergency can be emotionally challenging. I only got to see clients at their worst and that's not easy, often times when they are tight financially.

In conclusion, I am now very tired, but happy for the experience. I'm now switching gears to my primary care rotation. I already called dibs on a rabbit spay next week (not that anyone was fighting me because my rotationmates are terrified of that). Coriander will probably appreciate me having a more consistent schedule.

#future dvm #vet student #vetblr #vet school #vet med #rabbit #guinea pig #snake #ball python #boa constrictor #herps #reptiles #birds #geese are evil #emergency #spring 5 2019

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steve0discusses · 5 years

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Yugioh Season Zero: All Your Friends are Cursed

You know what? It’s been a while, lets revisit Zero.

For those new here, I’ve been also very slowly going through Season Zero alongside the show we are more familiar with, which is not at all the same as the other seasons. If you want to read just the recaps of Zero from the beginning you can do that by clicking on this link right here. I think I’ve only done like 3 or 4 so far.

OK. It’s been...a time since we ventured here to this very weird place, where were we?

So, first off you may have noticed there was a wee gap in updating, this is mostly because I burned up all my backlog when I got sick for two weeks (and I’m still hella tired) so...I’m playing catch up and this is a hobby, so it takes a back seat. But also, it’s partially because I was like suuuper conflicted with what I should do about that logo. Like, I did feel like I had to blur it just because I don’t want there to be confusion if the images ever get pulled away from this post, but I was seriously considering just repainting every cap because it sure bothered me a whole lot.

It was Illustrator OCD Problems that in the end don’t matter, but you can see my quandary of the right corner in the rest of these. Anyways, thanks Team Millennium for the fandubs so I don’t have to cap over subs. Y’all did a good job, and I get why they need to watermark since like...it’s Youtube so every random bot channel is stealing any other video getting clicks.

Also, this took a while because it’s like over 60 caps long. These Season Zero episodes are just...so much content. They’re so much. And I thought this one handles some interesting themes, so grab yourself a snack, because this is gonna be a little bit of a marathon. I could split it into two but like...I don’t know where to split it, so enjoy. This post is basically a 2 for 1.

Anyway, Shadi’s back. I didn’t really expect for him to be back so soon, but he’s here with a vengeance. He spooks up on Grandpa’s old Egyptologist friend (who’s name I have forgotten) and this guy kind of already knows what’s next.

In this episode, as you can see from the title, everyone is gonna get cursed. Except Miho, but like, I tend to forget she exists. We start off with Yuugi’s Grandfather’s friend getting tossed out a window, which is sort of strange because you figure that this guy wouldn’t let a girl drown down a well for a rare coin (which was the Shadi metric for if you deserve to be eaten by a chair). But apparently we were wrong and Grandpa’s friend has actually been a jackass this entire time.

"Your friend has actually been a jackass this entire time” is another underlying theme of this episode. What’s wild is that Yuugi and his Grandpa are not at all surprised by this revelation, nor do they seem to mind.

Shadi says something cryptic, decides he wants a rematch with the alter ego of Yuugi Muto, and then has the weirdest plan of how to do it. The rest of this recap is basically all of Shadi’s master plan and it’s...pretty...something.

(read more under the cut)

Since we haven’t gotten a Miho episode, I haven’t really gotten a chance to learn what she...is. Right now she just seems like a G rated Cheryl Tunt. Which is probably incorrect, I dunno maybe this girl will end up being their savior but for right now she just kind of uses Tristan for favors and enjoys spooky stuff maybe a little too much. I’m not sure she’s even aware what planet she’s on.

Shadi’s also looking more and more like a bird this episode with the artistic choice to join the brow to the nose with a deep shadow like this. If there’s deeper historical meaning to that, I have no idea. Went on a little deep dive through Google to see if it matches from art and sarcophagi from Egypt and Greece but like...nah. You do get a strong thin nose on golden sarcophagi that can give it a really cut look since it’s usually covered in reflective gold, so that could be it. But overall, joining the nose to brow is something more modern, I think. Just our own touch to make him a spook.

And honestly Yugioh really does enjoy putting a very heavy shadow between the eyebrows, but usually in the form of lots of lines and not a solid black shape.

Youknow we’ve never had the chance to enter anyone’s mind space before. I kind of assumed that no one other than Yuugi even had one. So Anzu’s mind, shouldn’t be too ba- oh

Just take this whole sequence, put some generic lo-fi on it, and you have yourself a youtube channel. It’s amazing how, since the 90′s anime style is back into fashion, this bizarre sequence just hit so many good notes. Those pink and blue flowers matched with a silver metallic tree with weird purple fruit? Not gonna lie, that’s some good inspo material. Maye not the weird bird and terrifying 90′s sun--I don’t know why he’s here--but everything else? Shoot.

This hasn’t come up before and the only guy with G in his name that I can think of is Gozoboro and he cannot be this guy. Maybe just a reference to some comic book stuff because he does have a Superman shape to that G, but I don’t know comics well enough to know if this was a manga Superman parody.

PS now that we know that Tea’s mind is just a lo-fi channel, we now know that Bakura and Marik have just been hanging out next to a weird silver fruit tree, staring at a horrifying green sun and avoiding eye contact with one single green bird for basically this entire Noah arc. Assuming of course that a piece of Bakura is still in there in Tea’s mind, which he may have decided to vacate at this point because what’s he supposed to do in there? Do barre?

Maybe they both just do barre workouts in the tea mindfort while a parrot awkwardly watches.

So Shadi has been just hanging out in Tea’s head for how long? Like half a day now?

She really has always been the ghost uber. From the very beginning. Wow.

Also, speaking of vaporwave, the pink to yellow tint on the irises? A+. That could be your lo-fi thumbnail, easy.

Anyway we are blessed with another tiny Yuugi this episode. I think I’ve mentioned it before but I’ll mention it again, I love it when artists have to draw their characters as small as ants because then the characters are given their rawest, purest form. Which in his case is just being very squat and having hair with spikes.

And then Anzu somehow hides in this closet and tips over a bunch of beams at him. Are these cross country beams? What are these? I did water polo and swim team so I just have no idea what you land people did.

When beams don’t work out, Shadi sets in play the next step of his super evil and sinister plan. Please remember that this guy is a 5000 year old very scary ghost with crazy OP powers.

So then Shadi starts his third phase. So far we’ve had a bunch of poles and a basketball, what will be next? Will Anzu come up with two chalkboard erasers and start pounding them together to make a sick chalk cloud? Will Anzu step on the back of Yuugi’s shoe so his foot falls out? Will Anzu unzip his backpack when he’s not looking so all his books fall out? What dick move will Anzu do?

SOOOOOO

This is a thing that canonically happened in Yugioh.

It’s like finding out that Big Bird once violently choked out Elmo in Season One but now they’re good and they don’t want to talk about it.

Like...this is a lot and it’s not even discussed in this very episode!

The one time.

The one time they should have just ditched.

This is the one time you should just find a boat/blimp, smuggle yourself on board, and then play cards for a straight week with an evil psychopath. The one time.

No wonder they go out of their way to avoid this school for the rest of this show. They ditch just to survive their 1st year of High School.

So they decided to split up which...they’ve made worse choices, and only Yugi finds Tea. What would Shadi’s plan have been if anyone else was up here first?

Reminder that in the second or third episode of Season 1, Joey and Yugi came up here to reminisce the good ol days. I had no idea at the time that the “good ol days” involved being dangled on the edge of whatever this weird contraption is called.

Eat your heart out Jeffree Star and Rituel de Fille, Shadi here did black highlighter first. In 1999. And that nose is snatched.

Appropriately, Honda is still embracing his janitorial duties. Maybe that’s why he’s not a janitor anymore? Because he was getting tooooo into being a janitor? Like if you go janitor while being a zombie that’s toooooo much janitorial.

Another thing Season Zero does that may either be a limitation of their budget or just a limitation of their experience is that, unlike most foreign films, the pacing of the cuts are really quick. Like REALLY frantic. (And yeah I’m generalizing a lot when I say that Western shows and movies have quicker cuts, but lets just say that it’s true about 90% of the time. Not better or worse, just different.)

And like, this was the 90′s, a time period I don’t really remember, but back then we were into bizarre editing. It was a very experimental time in film because suddenly there were a lot of computer and filming tools available for a decent price and people kind of lost their minds. They were getting into doing tons of dutch angles and tons of filters and it was just a real...interesting time in film. It’s gauche by our standards but like...art kind of lives in the time period it’s from and you shouldn’t pull it out and compare it to our current standards too much because--welcome to 90′s Xtreme cuts. Docking something for being too 90′s is like saying that medieval art sucks balls because they didn’t want to use perspective and all their cats look weird. This was the time.

It’s just interesting to me that they decided to attempt to copy this frantic editing style into a cartoon when it’s normally done splicing together live action shots that were done with three+ different cameras. They planned out each cut in a storyboard and drew every frame. It was a lot of work. And it didn’t age well, which is a shame.

And it could have been that because this is a horror show, they decided to experiment. It’s a pretty edge show based on a pretty intense manga. But, it’s...interesting. Can’t exactly cap it, you’ll have to watch it for itself but it’s...interesting. And overall, I honestly feel like I can’t come to any conclusions about the direction that Season Zero editing has taken since I’ve only seen four episodes, so these are just my five cents, don’t quote me on it. I may take back this opinion a few episodes from now.

Y’all this was never told to us until like Season 2. Season Zero told us this in like episode 4. Would have been really nice to have this information a little earlier.

So then we introduce the mummy mechanic of this “game.” Anzu’s plank contraption is tied to these baby mummies. Kind of looks like they’re chocolate mummies you get from the Egyptian museum store. In fact, They might actually be museum gift shop chocolate mummies that Shadi shoplifted up after he killed that fat guy.

Not sure how he set any of this up, especially when he totally botched it with the beams and the basketball and the strangling, but somehow, Shadi got this complicated knot system all ready to go. Weird how Marik was the one on the boat when Shadi has like a degree in knots.

So I said this in the last episode but we get this reoccurring theme in Season Zero where Yugioh is a little boy learning to grow up and be a man, and yet every guy he meets has just a pile of toxic misinformation about how to be a powerful adult. In Shadi’s case, he believes that weakness stems from caring about other people and relying on them for support, hallmarks of mortality. Which is easy for Shadi to say because he’s some 5000 yo undead (I think?) with no friends, unless you count Chair Barney. But Shadi’s pretty sure that attachment to living people will only ultimately hurt you, especially when they’re complete assholes, which most of Yuugi’s friends are. They’re good assholes, though.

It’s a pretty common anime trope and I’m surprised it took us this long to get to the power of friendship. Freakin finally. And there’s nothing wrong with tropes. It’s how stories are made.

Anyways, in case you thought this episode would not address the teachers, they actually did for about 3 seconds.

Neat that this is the most unsafe school in all of Japan.

I am a fan of the combo of blue, purple, green, and very large teeth. I will give Chair Barney that much. Anyway, lets see what game Shadi made.

Oh cool, it’s the game I made to go in my babysitting kit when I was like 11.

Granted, so were playing cards.

Wow everyone is just assaulting each other this episode, damn!

Back on the roof, Yugi calmly wins the game without ever flipping a tile.

Now for some reason I missed the part where he says “two feet” and so I was missing a pair of things and so I listened to this part again and either my sick brain missed it three times (cuz y’all I have had the plague and my recovery has been so sloooow) there were these shapes on the tiles that looked like kidneys and I thought--but it’s not two kidneys, right? and I was like what else is a pair and round and lobby shaped? and then I didn’t really want to go there, and assumed--FEET.

Knowing full well feet are not kidney shaped, but I’m gonna assume he said feet. If he actually said weird monster testicles, you’ll be sure let me know.

And then this happened and it’s pretty legit.

We have never actually addressed the fact that Yuugi forced his friends to like him. Like it’s a pretty effed up origin story that Jounouchi was like like “I feel like very strongly I should be his friend” but doesn’t really know it’s because he got cursed. Kinda figured the show would just breeze by it, but no, here we are, and Yuugi has to face the fact that maybe the only reason he’s not a loner anymore is because he won Jounouchi as a prize for finishing an accessory.

And whether or not Jounouchi would have been his friend no matter what isn’t really what’s being tested, it’s whether or not Yuugi believes that this friendship is actually real, or a curse. Like Jounouchi did try to defend Yuugi before Yuugi finished the puzzle, but does Yuugi know that? He was passing out at the time. It’s a real insecure spot for Yuugi since before Jounouchi he was just a little punching bag playing board games alone in the homeroom. Jounouchi was introduced as someone who was legitimately bullying Yuugi and tossing that puzzle out a window. There’s going to be the underlying fear that Jounouchi would go back.

In the S1 anime, they basically wrote that plot point out of the show or decided that because this was done in Season Zero they don’t need to retread on old territory. Joey, Tristan, and Tea aren’t cursed to be Yugi’s friends, as far as I know.

But this test between the friendship of Yugi and Joey is recreated again in S2 with Marik when they were both tied to an anchor and one had to choose to kill the other or live. But there’s some pretty major differences. This time, instead of Joey being possessed by Marik and being forced to kill his friend, he’s just Jounouchi sans curse.

Although Jounouchi is still somewhat mind controlled as he is just an illusion. He’s just...not as badly mind controlled as the whole Marik thing. This Jounouchi has more motor control and doesn’t seem to have any inner conflict at all. Because again, this isn’t so much Yuugi vs Jounouchi, this is Yuugi vs Yuugi’s fear of being alone again.

That’s a realllllly different takeaway. And honestly, it’s pretty interesting.

Also, instead of Tea with a shipping container over her head, this time Anzu is walking a plank. Really didn’t expect that Shadi would basically turn into Marik but without the cards. And without the underground bunker lifestyle where he kills his own Dad.

The game is kind of hard to show in caps but they have to drop the puzzle in the direction they want the other to walk. Mostly it’s just another reason for Jounouchi to steal Yuugi’s puzzle again and relive the trauma.

Remember that time that Jounouchi tried to get Yuugi to punch him and Yuugi broke out in tears because he didn’t like violence? I mean honestly, out of everyone Yuugi knows. Jounouchi was probably the nicest bully he had. Doesn’t mean Yuugi isn’t incredibly insecure about it.

Instead of fighting back, Yuugi decides to skip his turn. It’s a contrast to the other Joey/Yugi fight because instead of just throwing a fireball in his own face until Joey snaps out of it, Yuugi has decided to rely on trust.

And, much like Grandpa’s Blue Eyed Dragon that would not perform under Kaiba’s reign to kill Yuugi, neither would Jounouchi under Shadi. They even disappear into the aether with the same smoke effect.

And what I think is the most interesting part of this is that the question of “so would they have been friends without the puzzle?” is mostly left open ended.

And if the friendship were solid as a rock, then this whole debate Yuugi has with Shadi wouldn’t even be a debate. Shadi is certain that people will betray you because they can, Yuugi is confident that, even though they do walk you to that ledge, they can change although there is a history of hurt. Shadi was convinced Yuugi couldn’t overcome his lonely past, and Yuugi had to prove that the past can’t hurt him anymore, the past being also his best friend.

Like it’s just something never mentioned in the S1-3, that Yuugi has a lot of issues because all of his friends have been his bully at one point. And like, not to get too PSA, but every friendship has to be looked at by a case by case basis. You can’t generalize and say “everyone who betrays you can change.” But the message here isn’t about keeping any relationship that is toxic, it’s about overcoming the pain of the past.

Also Jounouchi is hella cursed so he won’t be back to his old ways anytime soon.

Kind of hard to tell, but Honda got covered in a layer of white fire extinguisher juice and it’s a look that uhhhh we would never illustrate this way in 2019. Times were more innocent in the 90′s.

Just kidding, they absolutely weren’t, I have no idea who allowed Honda to be drawn this way.

Reminder that Kaiba is just sitting pretty in one of these classrooms, maybe watching Joey’s ass scrape up against the window while Honda completely covered in mysterious white stuff screams bloody mercy. As the teacher teaching this particular class ignores all of this, Kaiba would just be thinking to himself “Aw. that’s fun.”

And so ends this really long but honestly, pretty interesting episode. Season Zero has a lot of rough patches, like I’m probably not going to do every episode of it, but when it connects to what we’re watching its neat to compare and contrast the two. Kind of wish we had more of Yugi facing his past in the current anime but instead it’s Kaiba facing his past. So we...kind of get it? Just with a different character?

Shadi picks up his key and walks away unscathed. Mostly because Yuugi does not currently know how to mind-wipe. Seems that that is mostly a Pharaoh thing and as far as I can tell Yuugi is still just one person with an alternate personality.

Off he goes, that bastard.

Amazing that everyone’s pretty much on good terms with Shadi by the end of S1. Like he’s just kind of a pal that shows up and “accidentally” leads you directly to kill your own Dad when in Season Zero he is...really outwardly evil.

Anyway, that was a hellton of content haha, next week it’s back to Joey dueling a lawyer while Kaiba gets lost in the woods.

#yugioh #yugioh recap #season zero #photo recap #yuugi mutou #jounoushi #anzu #honda #shadi #genuinely shocked that none of them had to go to the hospital at the end of this one.#Despite being strangled like 10 minutes ago #yuugi muto

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inthesummerswelter · 5 years

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recipe for disaster: chapter seventeen

He's late.

Literally, if he doesn't get himself out the door in seven minutes, all the shops are going to be closed, and he’s going to have to try and live off convenience store quick-meals until he’s out of finals preparation.

Which is a fucking terrifying thought, considering that he practically barricades himself in his flat for two weeks while he does his revising, and he has absolutely no desire to eat canned, microwaved anything for such a long period of time.

So, with t-minus seven minutes until gastric doom, Ashton peels himself up from the spread of textbooks and notebooks and pens that cover all available inches of his floor and slips on a pair of shoes.

One jacket and a wallet in his pocket later, and he’s locking up his front door and heading out at a fast jog down the hallway towards the stairs.

But Ashton still finds himself slowing down as he approaches Penn's door, the brass numbers tarnished within the chipped paint covering the wood.

He takes it in, knowing that just inside will be her bicycle, propped up on the back wheel and leaning on the wall, just brushing the curtains that she threw together out of a bunch of old floral patterns she found in a sale bin and whipstitched on her gran's Singer. And, beyond that is the melon-coloured sofa, replete with mismatching cushions and worn patches from the dogs rubbing up against it, the upholstery gone all nubby in places.

Ashton draws back from the image with the horrified realization that he knows, can picture in full vivid detail, the entirety of Penn's flat right down to the light on the left side of her medicine cabinet that flickers whenever you open the door.

It's a scary thought. Because now he understands just how far gone he is.

Shaking his head - he's now eight minutes late and counting - he walks straight into a person as he attempts to pass the door to her flat. Partially because the person in question has just exited the aforementioned flat and had situated themselves directly in the center of the hallway.

"Oof!"

"Shit!"

Nobody falls, but it's a hard, teeth-jarring impact nonetheless.

"You okay there -- wait, Calum?"

It’s undeniably Calum, dark brown eyes crinkling up at the edges in pleasant surprise.

"Ashton? Mate, you're supposed to be revising now, aren't you?"

He’s about to respond when there’s a creak behind them.

To his astonishment, the door, her door Penn’s door, opens suddenly, a dark head popping out with eyes wide in confusion.

"Calum? I heard something thud just now, are you -- oh." Penn's eyes grow even wider at the sight of him standing before her, and it looks like a thousand emotions cross her face before she finally settles on supreme embarrassment.

Her face flushes as dark as the beets she plants in the greenhouse, crimson rushing up into her cheeks, covering up the faint freckles that dust the bridge of her nose. And, before his mouth can even form the first letters of her name - to tell her something, anything -the door just as suddenly slams back shut. A thunk is heard as the deadbolt slides into place.

"Fuck," he spits out.

There’s a pause as Calum shuffles his feet.

“So, um, I suppose you’re wondering why…?”

“Yeah. Yeah.”

Another pause. More feet-shuffling.

“Let’s walk and talk. You’re going to the shops, right? I needed some things anyway.”

Her heart is racing, her face feels like it’s on fire, and Penn finally thinks she might have a vague idea of what this is how you know means.

After sitting a few minutes on the floor, slumped with her back to the now-locked door - she doesn’t even know why she did that, locking the door like he’s going to burst in on her - it’s all she can do to pull herself up enough to make her way over to the sofa. Which she promptly flops down upon, face pressed deep into the depths of the cushions.

Penn’s taken back to her conversation with Calum which, although highly unexpected, ended up being ridiculously informative, and tries to reconcile his words with the look in Ashton’s hazel-green eyes when she had opened the door.

Blowing the cup of hot tea she’s just placed in front of him - because he’s a guest and guests always have tea when they visit - Calum grips it with both hands and brings it up in front of him in a way that Penn associates with crotchety old aunts.

He doesn’t sip it though, just lets it sit there between his tanned fingers as he watches her putter about the kitchen, shifting things to and fro in a bout of nervous energy.

She’s restacking a set of plates when he says it, seconds later, easy as you please.

“He’s wrecked, you know. About all this.”

And just like that, there’s her heart up in her throat.

The plates clatter around dangerously, her hands trembling, and she doesn’t trust that her voice would come out steady.

But it’s no matter, because Calum continues without any prompting.

“You know, we’re mates. Or you might not know that, I don’t know. But, sometimes when we just chill, you know, you can sort of see it, in his eyes and all. When he thinks you’re not looking, he just looks like really distracted and wrecked.”

“He can’t though!” It bursts out of her mouth before she can stop it. “He can’t. He’s got someone.”

(Someone who’s not her. Better than her.)

He’s got one eyebrow raised, vague bemusement crossing his face. “Ashton’s got many someones. He’s a people person. You should know that. But I don’t think I’m talking about a someone like you are.”

Flapping her hands distractedly, trying to cast off the nerves building up underneath her skin, Penn brings herself to sit down in front of him and tucks her legs underneath her as she curls up into her chair.

“It’s not -- we’re not a someone. I mean, I’m not a someone to him. Like, he doesn’t --”

“Care about you?” He says back.

And the words that she’s been too scared to say are there now, out into the world, and she wants nothing more than to snatch them back, tuck them into a pocket and sew up the top so they don’t fly out again.

And they’re not even her words.

So instead, she whispers them back. “Yeah. He doesn’t care about me. Not like that.”

Calum takes a sip of his tea, and replies, “How do you know?,” unconsciously parroting her words to Zayn right back at her.

She thinks of the photographs, the this is how you know.

This is how you know.

That’s it.

Calum must know. He’s got to know.

And as he flips through the photos, just as Niall did, his face scrunches up.

“Penn,” he starts, voice hesitant. “It’s not my place to tell you what this is. You need to talk to him, like truly talk to him.”

Setting the folder back down on the table, he makes to get up and head for the door.

“Wait!” she calls, grabbing for his wrist. “But, why can’t you just --”

“What is the one word you’re too afraid to say?”

Those are the last words he utters before he leaves her flat, the door clicking quietly behind him. She doesn’t even try to stop him.

Getting called into the office only twenty minutes after you’ve arrived at work is never a good sign. Even less so when a major promotion is on the line.

“I hate this,” Delacroix mutters, scrubbing his hands over his face tiredly as she perches on the chair across from his desk. “Fucking hate this, every single time.”

“Sir…” She’s not sure what to follow that up with, though, so the sentiment trails off.

Laying back in his chair, he tilts his head to the side, examining the girl before him as closely as he would a plate laid in front of him for a final inspection.

“Tomlinson told me, you know, about your problems after your grandmere’s passing. Criss, Penn, why couldn’t you have just -- I can’t, I can’t, not with this. Louis is getting the promotion.”

Someone’s just taken a railroad spike and hammered it through her middle. She’s transfixed and numb, stuck in that chair like a butterfly speared in a collection.

He continues, attempting to explain away the dull ache building in her chest.

“The main reason - one of the only reasons, in fact - comes down to how much you have been through. Are going through. I know that now, and I have no desire to add to that stress, because then your work would suffer and where would I, a businessman, be with that? No, I have decided that Louis takes over Basiatio as executive chef, effective immediately, and you will run Farrago, starting five months from now. That should be enough time to have yourself in order.”

Penn doesn’t think she heard clearly. “Wait, what?”

“Five months’ time, trial time almost, then executive here, Penn. I expect flawless performance throughout, though. No slips, you hear me?”

She nods emphatically, thanking him profusely and dashing out of the office before he’s got the opportunity to change his mind.

She’s going to do it. She’s going to make it, live her dream, become as fucking successful as she can and soar to unfathomable heights.

She’s going to make Gran and Pop proud.

A whirlwind of emotions swirl around in her gut for the rest of the day, and Louis grabs her by the arm just as she’s about to trip down the stairs with her bicycle on the way out.

“Did you hear?” he starts solemnly, a blank look on his face, and, for all of her previous frustrations with this boy, this person, she really can’t be arsed to care about it anymore.

Patting his cheek, Penn smiles. “Yes, I did. Congratulations, chef. You earned it, Louis.”

“And you’re okay with doing the whole waiting thing?”

“You know, it really doesn’t matter that much even more. I’m confident that I can make the five months and get the position. And I’ve got other things to worry about now, before then. Everything will be sorted out, and it’ll be fine.”

Louis doesn’t look convinced, cocking one eyebrow with a smirk. “Other things? You mean, your Ashton?”

Penn absolutely hates him now, mentally revoking her congratulations. Her mouth opens, to tell him just as such, but those aren’t the words that end up pouring out.

"He’s not my Ashton. I don't know anything with him anymore! I honestly have no idea what we are, it’s not like we've been talking recently, and way too much has happened to just out and ask him what the hell we are. And he pretty much hates me, so there’s that as well."

Finally, a serious look crosses Louis' face as he simultaneously folds his arms. "Then I'll ask the hard-hitting questions. Do you like him? Are you attracted to him? What is he to you, just to you? Don’t try to define a relationship if you’re not even sure what your feelings are towards him."

A flush rises in her cheeks as she remembers all those honey-tinged mornings in her kitchen, and her heart begins to pound.

Throwing one leg over the saddle, Penn turns to leave, fussing with the straps of her backpack. "You know, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I don't have to listen to this, I mean, I should really get going..."

She misses the way Louis glances quickly over her shoulders before he steps in closer.

"Two birds, one stone," he mumbles, the hint of a grin appearing at the corner of his mouth.

Cupping her face deliberately, he leans over the handlebars towards her face, stopping millimetres away. He's so close that Penn can feel the warmth of his breath glide across her cheekbones, and, just as she's about to ask what the fuck he thinks he's doing, he whispers, "Just go with this. I want to try something."

And he kisses her, presses his mouth to hers solidly, determinedly.

She's so shocked that she rocks back on her heels, enough that he wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her in until the ends of the handles press into her middle.

(It's a good thing that he warned her, otherwise her hand would be on its way to making a painful acquaintance with the side of his tanned face.)

But it's not a bad kiss, by any standard. A nice kiss. A passable, almost friendly kiss.

Her heart isn't thumping in her chest, her pulse isn't racing.

And, when he pulls away, she tells him. "That was...nice."

Laughing, Louis wiggles his eyebrows. "A little bit more practice and it'll be a bit more than nice, love."

He goes to lean back in before an arm catches around Penn's shoulders, throwing her wildly off balance and causing her to clutch at her handlebars and stretch her toes to the ground to keep her planted.

"I think that's enough of that, actually." Ashton's voice comes from somewhere above her head and, for a second, she thinks she's hallucinating. He can't be here, touching her, right now.

He hates her.

He despises her.

He...hasn't let go yet, even though Louis has stepped back, hands raised up defensively.

"Ashton?" she stammers out, still unwilling to believe that this isn't some elaborate hoax Louis has pulled on her.

If anything, her voice startles him, and he lets go suddenly, throwing her into another battle to stay on her feet.

Arms windmilling ferociously, she's seconds away from imminent collapse when Louis lunges towards her and grabs onto her arm.

It's like an instant replay though, as a sour look crosses Ashton's face when he starts towards her again, and Penn decides that it might just be prudent to dismount from the bicycle altogether.

Tossing her leg back over until she stands on solid ground, she takes in the picture: Ashton, bags of groceries in hand and clad in a jumper and black denims, glaring down at Louis, who's got enough nerve to risk a cheeky grin to go along with his pristine white chef's coat.

There's a tug at her sleeve and a third boy materializes by her side. It's Niall, who's probably functioning as Louis' best and only sort of back up in this endeavor.

"We can leave now, if you want. Nip up to m' da's place in Mullingar, get away from this." He mumbles jokingly, as he gestures at the scene before them, a bad move as it brings the other pair's attention back to their corner.

“You? Are you here for her too?”

“Here for me?” Penn’s tone is incredulous, temper momentarily taking over and stomping out her embarrassment. “I am not a thing!”

Ashton immediately back-pedals, hands raising up defensively, placatingly. “No, no, no, Penn, no - I just wanted to know if I could walk you home.”

And that’s it. She’s done, melted on the ground from the look in his eye and the sweetness in his voice.

“I...I -- no,” she stammers. Everything is too, too much now, so she backs away from it, stepping on the pedals and speeding away from everything that hurts.

It’s not until she’s sorting through the photos one last time, setting certain ones aside to hang up on the walls above her bed that her heart gives one hard thump as she thumbs the corner of the Polaroid.

It’s one of her and Ashton, the one where they’re on the sofa together.

Her heart gives another thud against her ribcage and that’s when she realizes: oh, Ashton.

I’m in love with Ashton.

And this is how you know.

#fic: recipe for disaster #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sosff #updates

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metalandmagi · 7 years

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Hogwarts House Anime Recommendations: Slytherin

Hello again!

It’s time for some more Hogwarts house anime recommendations! I was going to wait to work on this, but since it’s the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s stone, I thought it would be a good time to post this one.

Hufflepuff recs

Ravenclaw recs

Gryffindor recs

This time it’s going to be some Slytherin anime recommendations! I tried to keep it varied in terms of genre, but a few are a bit similar in their descriptions. Anyway I think some of the most important traits that embody the Slytherin house are ambition, cunning, deceptiveness, and determination to reach one’s goals. So here we go!

1. Neuro: Supernatural Detective, aka Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro

This anime focuses on a high school detective named Yako Katsuragi who is famous for solving every single case that is brought to her attention. However, it is actually her “assistant” Neuro Nougami who solves the cases and has her take the credit for them. Why? Because he is a literal parrot demon from another dimension who actually physically eats mysteries. Since he’s already eaten every mystery in the demon world, he’s moved on to Earth’s mysteries and has promised that he will help Yako solve the mystery of her father’s death.

This anime seems like the retro, more colorful, not British relative of Black Butler….even though Neuro came out only about a year earlier. It’s both hilarious and dramatic at the right moments, and I recommend watching only a little at a time as most of it is very episodic. But Neuro himself is a great example of a Slytherin, never really doing something out of the goodness of his heart, but willing to make bargains and then turn on someone as soon as he needs to. He’s extremely entertaining to watch, and my dream crossover anime would be Neuro and Sebastian with their respective charges teaming up to solve a mystery despite the time period differences….either that or competing against each other to see who can solve a mystery first.

2. Girlish Number

This anime follows the voice acting career of the young newcomer Chitose Karasuma and her various co-workers and her quest to become famous without actually having any acting talent and not working to get better. It’s mainly a slice of life story about a very conceited, annoying girl trying to become a “famous voice actor” (as if that’s not an oxymoron). And it’s hilarious!

This show proves that you don’t need to have a traditionally likeable or perfect main character to actually be entertained and want to watch her go about her business. Chitose is very frustrating because she is a total asshole, but that’s why she’s so interesting to watch. She deserves all the bad things that happen to her, and even though she does grow somewhat throughout the series, she’s still the same person deep down by the end of the show. Furthermore, not only is she a total Slytherin, but several of her co-workers appear to be as well! This anime showcases many different kinds of Slytherins that steer away from the traditional “villainous asshole” stereotype. All of the girls have their own goals and personalities, but at their core their ambition is what drives them as characters. They can be standoffish or put on a fake personality in front of others, but overall they are not bad people. It’s a very different type of show to recommend for Slytherins, but it’s a good one nonetheless.

3. Monster

This is another anime that is a bit difficult to describe briefly and vaguely because it is so complex and detailed. Essentially, it is about a surgeon named Kenzou Tenma, who one night chooses to save the life of a young boy named “Johan” rather than operate on the town’s mayor. This decision ends up haunting him for years to come, because that boy basically turns out to be the Antichrist he is suddenly surrounded by mysterious murder cases with all signs pointing to Johan.

I’m going to be honest here; I have not finished this anime, like not even close. BUT I really want to, and even less than 20 episodes in, I can see it is a great Slytherin anime. I feel like Tenma can sometimes toe the line between Gryffindor and Slytherin, but Johan is very much a Slytherin. While Tenma is the embodiment of determination, Johan is cunning and that dark sort of cleverness personified. This show is amazing at creating a psychological thriller vibe that makes you want to know what happens around every turn. Johan himself is one of the best anime villains I’ve ever seen, both utterly terrifying and eerily calm at all times with no real motivation other than to watch the world burn from above. At least, that’s the motivation from my point in the series. This anime is a classic that I am surprised isn’t talked about more with its masterful use of build up and detailed plot that takes place over many years. It reminds me a lot of Death Note, but with older characters that have less concrete motivations. And speaking of Death Note….

4. Death Note

I HAD TO! THIS IS THE MOST SLYTHERIN ANIME OF ALL TIME! HOW COULD I NOT INCLUDE IT? I DON’T CARE IF IT’S POPULAR, I DON’T CARE IF EVERYONE HAS ALREADY WATCHED IT! IT’S JUST THAT APPROPRIATE!

This is my favorite anime of all time, and it’s been that way for about 10 years since I first saw it. Yes it’s very flawed, but I could not make a Slytherin recommendation list without putting in this freaking anime. In case anyone is newer to anime, lives under a rock, or just hasn’t watched it for whatever reason, (stop what you’re doing and go watch it right now) this anime is about a highschool boy named Light Yagami who finds a notebook that was dropped by a shinigami. He eventually finds out that this notebook can kill people 40 seconds after writing a person’s name. Essentially, he starts off wanting to use the death note to make the world a better place, killing off dangerous criminals and so forth. But it is clear from episode one that this kid is not right in the head, and really wants to use it to basically become a god and control the world. He is pursued by the greatest detective in the world, who goes solely by the name of L. An epic psychological mystery thriller ensues.

I believe this is the most Slytherin anime to ever Slytherin. I might be throwing myself under the bus here, but I strongly believe that all three of the main characters, meaning L, Light, and Misa are hard core Slytherins. Light is the most obvious, but I can also make an argument for L and Misa. L is revealed several times to not be a really “good” person. He constantly lies about everything, from the percents he spits out to the gravity of certain situations and their possible repercussions. And Misa can also be cunning and very deceptive when she wants to be and is extremely determined to aid Light in any way possible because it helps her overall goal of being with him. Even going beyond episode 25- which seriously people you have to watch the whole freaking series if you want a good grasp of the anime and it’s overall conclusion- I even think Mello and Near are Slytherins. Yes, I’m in the minority and actually like the entire series (not just the first 25 episodes), but the way the story unfolds and all the characters interact is just dripping with deceptiveness and cunning plans that will keep you glued to the screen. I believe it’s the ultimate Slytherin anime.

5. Baccano!... And Durarara!!

What’s this? Another double recommendation? Yes, because I figured these two fit pretty well together considering they apparently take place in the same universe. Again both of these are very detailed and heavy plot oriented anime, so they’re a bit difficult to describe vaguely. These are also two shows in which I much prefer the dub over the subbed version. They’re both great, but I like having it dubbed for the sake of keeping character voices and narration sorted out.

With Baccano! I like the way it comes up when you google it: “A fantasy caper involving alchemists, gangsters and immortality is spread over several decades” except that I’d say it takes place in America over several timelines rather than just decades. Overall this anime tells the story in a very circular fashion, and it definitely is not something you’ll just want to have on in the background. In my own words...it’s about a bunch of wacky characters, some of whom are immortal, who do a bunch of stuff in the 1930s. It involves a train, gangsters, and multiple costume changes. But seriously it’s a great anime, and if you need to be convinced to watch it, just check out the opening song.

Durarara!! is very similar, in the sense of it’s style of storytelling being very circular, focusing on the POVs of multiple characters and being overall very confusing to watch the first time through. However, this anime takes place in modern day Ikebukuro and the timelines generally do not go between several years. Durarara!! is about….well a lot of people...but mainly about a mysterious “biker” named Celty who spends the series looking for her head. Yes her literal head. She is headless. And she’s awesome. Again, it involves many wacky characters, gang fights, otakus, mythical creatures, and urban legends of the big city life. Both of these shows are great examples of Slytherin ideals, not necessarily because of the characters’ houses (although there are definitely a few good Slytherins in there) but because of the actual atmosphere and deceptiveness laced throughout the stories. The characters are cunning, suave, villainous and heroic alike. Overall, they simply show that people are flawed. There can be some really screwed up characters out there, but at the end of the day, everyone has their own motivations and ambitions, and some people are not afraid to step on others to get what they want while also trying to be good friends.

+6 Bonus Tokyo Babylon

I also wanted to mention Tokyo Babylon, in case anyone hasn’t seen it. It’s sort of cheating, because this is actually a series of OVAs based on the CLAMP manga, but I thought I should put it in here anyway. It is another supernatural mystery/detective story that will rip your heart out in the end. The characters are very gay and also very Slytherin-esque. Against popular opinion, I would wager that the main character Subaru is an interesting example of a Slytherin, especially in the manga, in which he will flat out lie to people in incredibly emotional situations in order to do what he believes is the right thing. I wanted to include it because I thought that it shows how even sweet cinnamon rolls like Subaru can be cold and calculating when they need to be.

So those are just a few Slytherin house anime recommendations. I hope those are interesting for some people, and happy 20th anniversary of the book that started it all.

#hogwarts houses #anime recommendation #slytherin #tokyo babylon #baccano #durarara #death note #monster #neuro: supernatural detective #girlish number #harry potter

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jewishaxelwalker · 7 years

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Axel Walker, as a character, is a real mess. As he was pretty much only written by one person prior to 2011, and that one person was Geoff Johns, it’s no real wonder why. My complaints regarding every book Geoff Johns has ever worked on could fill a book roughly the size of the bible, but that’s neither here nor there right now.

Of all the new villains Johns created during his underwhelming run on the Flash, Axel is the one that’s lasted longest. Hunter Zoloman’s Zoom is a close second, but all bets were off with that guy once Johns was given the go-ahead to bring back Eobard Thawne, who hasn’t gone the hell away since 2009. But despite showing up regularly throughout his Flash run, making an appearance in his Teen Titans run, and just generally existing in Rogues’ Revenge, Blackest Night: The Flash, and the Brightest Day Flash series, Geoff Johns never actually bothered to give this kid a personality. No, really.

Axel has personality traits, most prevalent among them being annoying and young, but seeing as Johns was pushing 30 when he created Axel...the “youth” aspect of the character seemed overly exaggerated. For instance, here’s the panel that gives us the best guess as to how old he is:

“Dropped out of high school a few years ago” is a real shitty timeline. How many years is a few? Did he drop out as a freshman, a junior? Between how damn small he is (DC Encyclopedia cites him as being 5′7″, but I’ll eat my hat if he’s over 5′2″), the rest of the Rogues referring to him as “kid” all the time, and the way he kept being set up as one of Bart’s villains in the short time he was Kid Flash, I feel like we’re supposed to think of Axel as 16 or 17. However, Axel is shown being sent to Iron Heights on multiple occasions. That’s big boy prison, not a juvenile detention facility. So it’s entirely possible he’s 18 or 19. But we will never know.

So okay, back to those character traits. Early on, it was established that in addition to being young and annoying, Axel was also highly inventive, having created a bunch of tricks and gags that James Jesse, his predecessor, hadn’t used. He also utilized modern technology in a way that only someone written by a 30+ year old in 2005 could:

Is this even possible? I know about as much about computers as the next Amish person, that is to say, next to nothing, so I can’t tell you. But it’s possible according to Comic Book Hacking!

Anyway, when he first hit the scene, Axel was working with Blacksmith’s new Rogues. That didn’t last long, and he eventually jumped ship with Mark and Evan, who vouched for him with Len for whatever reason, and then Axel was a true and proper Rogue.

And here’s where it all goes a bit hinky.

During Crossfire (183-188 if you want exact issues), Axel had a glossy sheen of “golly, gee whiz!” about him. He was new to this whole villainy thing, eager to prove himself, and ready and willing to cause some chaos. Chaotic Neutral, if you will. The Identity Crisis tie-in issues (214-217) and Rogue War (220-225) introduced a weird little quirk that hadn’t been present before: sadism, and a need for said sadism to be corrected.

In 214, Axel obliviously offers to whip up some poison gas to lace the flowers Len wants to send in sympathy to Ralph Dibny. Not knockout gas, or some other harmless gag, poison. We’d already seen that the other Rogues had a habit of insulting Axel in previous issues, but in 216, Len one-punches him to the floor for making fun of Digger when news of his death was reported.

The next panel shows that he is deadass unconscious. 220 gives us another fun panel of weird sadism that comes out of left field:

Now, where did this come from? I like to trace it back to a couple of panels from 188:

-words of advice from Weather Wizard, which are later parroted back in 221:

Again, it has previously been shown that of all the older Rogues, the one Axel is closest to, sees as a sort of mentor even, is Weather Wizard. Which brings me to Rogues’ Revenge.

Final Crisis: Rogues’ Revenge is possibly my least favorite comic of all time. It’s the one that paved the way for the return of Eobard Thawne (my least favorite villain) and killed off Thad Thawne (my absolute favorite villain)...but it was also the place where my favorite version of Axel was born.

Axel’s part in Rogue War ended when James beat the hell out of him, stole his mask and shoes, and tossed him in a dumpster. Between Rogue War and Rogues’ Revenge, Axel showed up in all of one comic, where he murdered a quartet of college students in the Detective Chimp: Helmet of Fate issue:

It’s one of those comics that really doesn’t make a ton of sense out of Axel’s characterization, what little there was to begin with. When we next see Axel in Rogues’ Revenge #1, he’s put together his own little gang. While his Trickster gang dresses like him, Axel is the only one who actually uses tricks, the other guys use guns. They’re disposed of, and Axel is folded back in with the Rogues. After Len beats him up a bit, of course:

But what else is new, right? After a whole rigamarole about the Rogues going to Gambi’s workshop to give their costumes back, but they find him beat all to hell by a group calling themselves the New Rogues, who’d also kidnapped Len’s father. The Rogues find them. There’s a fight. And then, this:

Followed very closely by this:

And quite literally immediately after, this:

And this is it. This is my favorite version of Axel, born from what might be the shittiest comic of all time. My favorite version of Axel is the underutilized “scared rabbit covering it all up with false bravado” version, which we would now see in everything following this issue, up until the New 52. After Rogues’ Revenge, Axel’s speaking panels were cut to practically nothing. He lurked in the background of scenes, helped out, had a one-liner or two, but did Johns ever again attempt to give him any kind of depth? Nope. All his character development from this point on would come from Scott Kolins:

This page baffled me for the longest time, when it came out. Len has just had Mick kill his father for him. Third panel, Axel’s expression is very neutral, not giving away anything. Fifth panel, peeking out from behind Len, his expression borders on worry, but by panel six right next to it, he’s schooled himself back to neutrality. Then we get this page:

“Us”, Axel says. As if he actually did any murdering of his own. That’s why the past sadistic streak and the Detective Chimp issue never sat well with me. Where did these traits spring from? I know I said earlier that the whole “no conscience” thing might be to blame, but it was never consistent.

Scroll back up. Look at those facial expressions. Kolins might draw Len craggier than a mountain peak, but his Axel is definitely the most expressive. Look at the page with Mark causing faux-Abra Kadabra to explode. Look at that bottom-right panel. You can literally see him being terrified of the people he’s with, finally understanding exactly what they’re capable of, and realizing that he’s in too deep to get out unharmed. But at the same time…he doesn’t want out, because these guys are all Dad now. He idolizes them and he fears them. So he digs deep for the set of balls that got him into Blacksmith’s circuit, and uses the fact that none of the others have really tried to get to know him to his advantage. Bad jokes, ignorance, bratting it up…hiding his fear. After the page above, Axel spends the rest of Rogues’ Revenge making some of the silliest expressions he ever has in a comic when he’s in focus, but out of focus, he’s all frowns and neutral faces. He does end up aiding in Inertia’s murder...somehow

Seriously, what the hell is he shooting at him, a spring? It’s coiled too loosely to choke him, and though the shot of Thad’s corpse shows it still wrapped around his throat, there’s no bruising there like on his face and body.

The next place Axel, or the Rogues for that matter, show up is in Blackest Night: Flash, another Johns disaster. There, he’s the comedic relief from start to finish. He’s not particularly interested in fighting zombies, so his expressions tend to range from a very fake-looking full-face grin to straight up terror:

And of course, the pit. I’ve got a whole other laundry list of ways comics failed Owen Mercer, but that’s not for here. When the horribly out of character Captain Cold confronts the even more horribly out of character Owen about his actions in trying to bring back his father, it’s bad. But is it “copying every line and forehead wrinkle from Mark’s face onto Axel’s face” bad?

Bam. After Blackest Night, the Rogues would show up only once more before Flashpoint, in a couple of issues of the Brightest Day Flash series. Here, he actually has a few panels of dialogue and is actually shown to be doing things for a change.

One of his only panels worth mentioning, though, is this one from issue 6:

So...if Axel is a millennial, then that means he was born between 1981 and 1997, making him at most 29 and at least 13 back in 2010. Release this kid’s age, DC. The world wants to know.

So. You’d think a character study on a Trickster would end with a bang, but I don’t really think it can. Axel is honestly a pretty weak character, whose goals and motivations are either bland or entirely nonexistent. We never got a real backstory for him other than a few thoughtboxes in the Flash 1/2 issue, we never got to see how he’d blossom under a competent writer pre-New 52, his entire existence seemed to be one of those famous Johns dropped plots. He feels like he should have a bigger role than he does, and is in fact the legacy Rogue with the least number of pre-New 52 appearances. Which is ironic, because he’s the only legacy Rogue that escaped erasure with the rest of the old universe. His few appearances in the New 52 Flash title, the Rebirth Flash title, and non-canon books like Injustice have given him more of a character than all of his time under Johns, and he’s better off for it. Except for the Injustice universe, where he’s dead.

I guess all I can say is, the kid was interesting enough to deserve better, but it took his old universe being wiped out and replaced for him to get it. Bummer.

#Axel Walker #Trickster #Flash Rogues #long post #image heavy

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hmsindecision · 7 years

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Submitted to me, and presented without my commentary:

hi. I just saw your message to hmsindecision and though I know you’ve seen her reply, I feel like she was..not too nice about it, but she didn’t really drive the point home about how hurtful and harmful your statement was. I think she was trying to not start a fight, but I don’t feel like you understand just how fucked up what you said was.

particularly “And duh a person with female anatomy will probably want penetration at some point. Things go INTO a vagina…it has nothing to do with being a lesbian or not.”

though I am a lesbian, I spent my entire life terrified of piv. I was told from the moment I could understand that girls find husbands and have their children. that that’s just what girls do, and anyone who doesn’t has something wrong with them, is a drain on society, a crazy person (or not a person at all, as a girl’s only worth is producing sons), and not someone “proper people” want to associate with.

and thing is, that was only referring to the “crazy cat lady”-type people, not lesbians, because they knew if they even mentioned lesbianism being a thing it would give us ideas, so we’re only told to make sure we find good husbands so we don’t become spinsters and crazy ladies who’s only companionship is 30 cats who will inevitably eat her corpse when she dies alone in her home where no one else cares about her. (literally things neighbors of mine said to me when I was between 5-7, and tbh, with it being the deep bible belt, that wasn’t even close to the worst thing I was told)

so I spent my entire life up to 17 believing that there was no other option. I was ether to be trapped in a marriage with a man who raped me on a regular basis, somehow find a guy who would be ok with basically not ever having sex with me (because they only teach us about piv and oral, both things that make me physically ill to think about), or become a crazy cat lady and spend my life alone and die alone.

and I honestly had to think about what was worse, having companionship, not only someone who would love me, but an entire family and society who would accept me, but be repeatedly raped, or being completely abandoned by society and quite possibly my family, but not having to endure being raped repeatedly for however many years I could stand it. in the end, I chose to be alone, and I did my absolute best to romanticize the hell out of that, believing that I could be ok, even if the only love and warmth I ever got was from a bunch of cats and if my only redeeming qualities being that I’d have the best house every Halloween, dressed as a witch with all my black cats and a cauldron full of full-sized candy.

I had to believe that was enough, because I had tried penetrating myself, with my fingers or my mother’s tampons or just things I’d found around the house and thought might be ok, and it was awful

it felt awful, it felt alien, and only my fingers ever fit, and only to a point. it seems there’s a ring right at the opening that is too small for even a tampon (which I also can’t stand) to fit, and from there I was absolutely terrified. still am tbh, only without the anxiety about feeling forced to.

cause I knew it’d be incredibly painful to have piv (as that was the common belief, even for women who are into men, everyone was told it’d hurt at least the first time if not every once in a while), and I never ever wanted it or anything like it, but I didn’t believe I’d ever truly get the option not to. my mom loves kids and put pressure on my as a child to give her grandchildren, all of society had been grooming me into becoming a proper wife to a man, and as I got older I started to believe that I could never escape escape it, that all that romanticizing being a crazy cat lady was for nothing because the reality was so much worse than I’d ever thought possible, and there were many times I thought about and actually set myself up to attempt suicide, because I didn’t think I could handle adulthood and everything that was going to be required of me.

I also believed (and had for years) that I was broken. there was something inherently wrong with me, because the one thing I existed for is something I can’t handle doing, and so I didn’t believe myself worthy of living in this world, taking resources from those who deserved them more, and would be far happier living this life than I was.

that may sound over-dramatic and guilt-trippy to you and you may want to ignore it, thinking I’m being manipulative and trying to make you feel guilty by exaggerating my experiences, but it’s honestly what I thought of myself from about 11-17. it wasn’t until I happened to be in a book store looking over the manga and an Utena book caught my eye, and I read the words “her girlfriend” that I finally stopped thinking that, and it was the one thing that stopped me from ever trying to hurt myself again.

of course I fought it at first, insisting that no, that must be a misprint, there’s no way this girl has a girlfriend, that’s not how the world works! girls are supposed to get boyfriends and boys are supposed to get girlfriends and they get married and have children and that’s that! that’s the only option there is! but as I read the full description I realized it wasn’t, and it prompted me to finally find out that homosexuality isn’t only a thing, but that there was an entire community of women who felt the exact same way I did.

I wasn’t actually broken. in fact, there’s a name for it, a name with meaning and history so many people within it. I hadn’t felt relief like that since I learned of my learning disabilities, that though I also am not alone there, it’s not that I’m just dumber than the other students or just not trying as hard as everyone else like they kept insisting I was, I’m working on hard mode while most everyone else in my class is on normal.

and in all my years of being out, I’ve yet to meet a fellow lesbian who has any interest at all in penetration. every single one I’ve met and talked to about this has all ether been like me, wanting nothing to do with it and never would have done it had it not been for society’s unending pressure and grooming, or completely indifferent about it, preferring not to but being willing to if her partner really really wanted to for some reason.

so no, it’s not a “duh” that someone will want to be penetrated “at some point”, as if that’s inherent to having a vagina, and you should really think about why it is you think “duh, of course things go in the vagina, that’s what it’s for” when you also think that it isn’t weird for anal sex to be a thing, since things are only meant to come out of the anus, and especially since we are all told our entire lives that that’s all we’re good for/why we exist, to be a fuck toy for men and an incubator for their sons. this thought process you have doesn’t exist in a vacuum and you need to think about why you believe it enough to parrot it back at us, not only as if we haven’t already heard it a million times but in a conversation about us having heard it so often and how much that hurts us

if it makes sense for people to want things to go in their ass, where things aren’t meant to go, then it also makes sense that not everyone thinks of their vagina as somewhere things are supposed to go, and not everyone wants things to go in them.

and an extra point: the actual vaginal canal is not sensitive at all. if it was, child birth would be even more painful than it is now, which is why all our sensitive parts are outside it, and yet an organ (the prostate) that gives men intense pleasure can only be reached from inside the anus, so the whole idea that we will inherently want to be penetrated but not men makes even less sense.

(and fun fact, I didn’t learn that until 2015 when That Sex Show aired on LOGO and an actual doctor explained that. I continued to think I was broken for not enjoying penetration, I just thought I was lucky to be a lesbian and so whatever was wrong with me wasn’t going to be an issue)

and as hms said, you also need to think about why you felt the need to tell a bunch of lesbians who were talking about how hurtful it is hearing all our lives that we’ll eventually want piv/penetrative sex (which btw, is almost always followed by the belief that we’ll just grow out of our lesbianism and eventually find a man to settle down with) that not only are we wrong, but it’s so obvious how wrong we are, “duh”, of course all of us will want it eventually, why would we not? as if you’re an authority on how it feels to have a vagina or what it is/how it feels to be a lesbian.

I don’t believe you intended to hurt anyone, but you need to be aware of just how dangerous that mindset is. especially if you’re becoming a doctor, because beliefs like that have very real lasting and damaging affects on the patients. but regardless of your intent, your comment seriously hurt, and reinforced years of abuse.

please don’t say things like that again.

#rape #lesbophobia #penetration critical #medical abuse

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hazzilyeverafter-onepiece · 7 years

Text

It’s Not That Simple (Chapter 11)

Hello again everyone! Enjoy Chapter 11.

Summary:

Zoro and Sanji are fighting.And that’s not really a surprise, exactly, because Zoro and Sanji are always fighting. But it’s different, this time.This time, it’s not physical, and Sanji isn’t up in Zoro’s face yelling and screaming and calling him names. There’s no swiping of polished katanas against the lithe swing of powerful legs. It’s not physical combat.This time, Sanji’s fighting with silent avoidance and quiet resignation. This time, their entire nakamaship may be on the line.And this time, Zoro doesn’t know how to fight back.ORThere’s something wrong with Sanji, but Zoro doesn’t know what it is or why it’s happened – why they’ve suddenly stopped brawling and hating each other left, right and centre. All he knows is that he has to fix it, or this Sanji – the Sanji that’s sunken and tired and so, so sad - may never go away.

Read it on AO3!

Now, the Straw Hats have a pretty intimidating reputation in the New World – Zoro knows.

He also knows that the name Roronoa Zoro has terrifying connotations – that it isn’t a name to be uttered freely or taken lightly, that the man behind it should never be underestimated, that the words following his name generally include ‘aggressive’, ‘ruthless’, ‘feared’, ‘killer’, ‘demon’ and sometimes even ‘devilishly handsome’, if he’s lucky.

…Okay, so he made one of those up.

But still, his point still stands.

To the wider public, he’s fierce, an unstoppable force with a mind of steel and a heart that’s missing. He’s unbreakable, an anchor for the rest of the crew, a rock to lean on in a sea that rages on, and on, and on.

And for the most part, they’re not wrong. He is strong. He is merciless. He is somebody who should never be taken lightly.

He is devilishly handsome. (He’s read it in the papers. All the girls say so. Too bad he’s not into girls, and instead has a strange fascination for complexity in life and giving himself thought-migraines and non-symmetrical eyebrows and men who fancy padded suits. He might be broken.)

So, they’re not wrong at all. But he also has a ridiculously soft side that only those on board the Sunny ever have the privilege of seeing and interacting with; a side of lounging on deck snoring loudly enough to be heard from the crow’s nest, of walking in circles for a good twenty minutes around a ship he should be long familiarised with but somehow isn’t, of petting reindeer and catching fish and wearing Hawaiian shirts on warm, sunny days. Of giving his captain piggy back rides when he wants them and striking ‘team attack poses’ with Franky not dissimilar to his ‘Pirate Docking’ stunt and getting harassed and punched repeatedly by a woman he could easily beat to a pulp if he wanted to.

Of spending valuable time in the galley watching Sanji cook, after sneakily peeking his head around the corner of the doorframe to find he has already been forgiven by the lack of a slammed door and a broken nose.

So yeah, he has a softer, more human side – but only when he’s surrounded by the people he knows he can trust with his life, who he knows he can let his guard down around and who really, when everything trivial is stripped away, are not so different from him.

Not so different at all.

And so, he’s sitting at the island separating the kitchen from the galley, thinking it all through – when this all happened and how strange it is that he hadn’t really noticed before now, hadn’t noticed himself slipping into this more peaceful and content persona, but he finds he doesn’t really care.

If he lets himself be honest, it’s actually quite nice.

“Hey, mossy.”

“Hmm?” He lifts his head out of his arms, and rubs his cheek that’s no doubt red and full of fold-lines from being pressed to his sleeve for so long.

When his eyes finally focus on the man leaning on the counter in front of him, he finds that Sanji’s wearing a gentle, amused smile that lifts the corners of his lips just enough to be noticeable, and his eyes are exuding an exasperated yet endeared expression that Zoro finds he can’t look at for too long. It blinds him, a little.

He averts his gaze, and sees that Sanji’s wearing his signature ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron, spotted with a few dots of water from the sink, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and top two buttons of his dress shirt undone.

Dressed in his usual attire, he looks magical.

“How do you feel about helping me out for once, instead of just sitting here snoozing and drooling all over my counter?”

Zoro snaps his gaze away from the collarbones he can see peeking out from under Sanji’s shirt, indignant and slightly offended because he doesn’t drool, thank-you-very-much, he’s a perfectly dignified sleeper with perfectly dignified habits.

He opens his mouth to tell Sanji exactly this, but Sanji interrupts him with an eyeroll before he can get a word in sideways. “Yeah, yeah, you don’t drool. Keep telling yourself that, and who knows, maybe one day it’ll come true.”

Zoro pretends to be offended, very much a lot, thanks, because how rude of him to say such a thing, but secretly he’s quite pleased that their relationship has developed to the point where they can practically read each other’s minds.

He parrots back at Sanji, “yeah yeah, keep rolling your eyes, curly-brow, maybe you’ll find a brain back there!”

He’s not sure if Sanji recognises where Zoro copied that comeback from, but the outraged squawk Sanji lets out and the shove that sends Zoro falling off his chair is a satisfying reaction all the same.

He lets out a startled laugh when his butt comes into contact with the floor, before quickly picking himself up and sending an exaggeratedly betrayed expression in Sanji’s direction, who’s pointing at him in delight as he cackles rather madly. “God, your face-“

Zoro huffs, tries to push his lips down where they’re rebelliously tilting up at the corners, and turns his back on the cook in what he refuses to admit is a flounce, making to exit the galley with his dignity still very-much-intact, because he’s being the bigger man here, dammit, when Sanji reaches over the island and bunches the back of his shirt firmly in his grasp.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that,” he placates innocently, mirth still evident in his voice, “you started it.”

Actually, Zoro wants to point out, I didn’t start it, I haven’t touched a hair on your silky blonde head – it’s not my fault that you have violent tendencies, geez, but he doesn’t because Sanji’s still grinning at him with eyes that twinkle like stars, and Zoro wants to stay.

So he does, settling into the seat again with a small shake of his head, and thinks that the pleased grin Sanji sends him is enough to convince him to stay for a long time coming; for as long as Sanji wants.

“Now, about that help,” Sanji starts, and suddenly his voice carries an edge of mania; Zoro thinks not for the first time that Nami is not a good influence. “How do you feel about peeling potatoes?”

Zoro doesn’t really understand why that would be even remotely horrible, so he shrugs and follows Sanji to the storage room. It’s not until Sanji starts hauling a bag of potatoes the size of a small mountain back to the kitchen that Zoro realises, with no small amount of horror, that he may have made a grave mistake.

(Sometimes he momentarily forgets that their crew of nine can consume the food of a rather large army in a third of the time, but alas, he does not have the luxury of forgetting for long.)

Sanji, noticing Zoro’s reluctance, raises an eyebrow. “Still coming?”

Zoro grunts, and sees the challenge for what it is. He grins exaggeratedly wide, and wonders if some of the mania is in his eyes, too. He thinks his molars are showing. “Of course, shit-cook. Nothing pleases me more than peeling potatoes.”

He then proceeds to shoulder past Sanji and into the kitchen, and if he stumbles over Sanji’s conveniently placed foot on the way, well. He probably deserves it.

xxx

“How’re you going with the potatoes, mosshead?”

“Fine,” Zoro grits out, adding another peeled potato to the ever-growing pile.

Sanji laughs breezily from where he’s standing over the pots and pans on the stove. It’s a laugh that positively radiated I’m-calling-bullshit, but Zoro refuses to be cowered by some spuds. That would certainly be a new low.

“Still enjoying yourself?”

He slams the next potato down with a little more force than perhaps necessary, and plasters the most genuine grin on his face that he can manage. He’s not sure it turns out all that well. “Of course.”

If Sanji’s unsettled by his expression, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he just smirks and moves closer with even more unpeeled potatoes. “Good,” he says, dumping them all at Zoro’s feet. “I’m doing you a favour, then.”

He has the audacity to wink as he turns away, and Zoro seriously considers lobbing the next potato at the back of his stupid attractive head.

He doesn’t, though. He tries to tamper down the heat rising to his cheeks and the smile rising to his lips, instead.

xxx

Lunch is full of potato-centred dishes that Zoro suspects Sanji only makes to explain why he put Zoro through all of his earlier suffering, despite Sanji’s adamant denial when Zoro probes. Lies. Zoro knows that when Sanji flutters his eyelashes and softens his voice to say of course all 100 potatoes were necessary, mossball, don’t be silly and eat your food like a good boy, hm? he’s being patronised, but Zoro finds it hard to remain angry when Sanji immediately follows his words up by running his fingers gently through Zoro’s hair as he walks away, long fingers catching softly in slight tangles, dropping his hand to squeeze his shoulder lightly before he moves into the kitchen to bring out the rest of the food.

Zoro ignores the curious glances the rest of the crew send him, and thankfully, they don’t ask. He focusses his attention on the food, and finds that as usual, it’s delicious.

He appreciates it on a whole new level now, after his own fiasco in the kitchen. He knew cooking was a talent beforehand, obviously, but he never truly understood the difficulty of it until he tried it himself.

Being a chef is hard. And being a successful one is definitely something to be proud of.

“Sanji, these curly fries are so good!” comes Chopper’s squeal of delight as Sanji finally sets down the last few plates on the table.

“Hmmm,” Zoro mumbles in agreement, throwing a few more into his mouth while there’s still some left, “they remind me of your eyebrows.”

The feeling of his foot being crushed into the ground under the table is worth it for the groan that tears its way almost painfully from Sanji’s throat. “God, I hate you.”

Zoro grins, and kicks Sanji lightly under the table with his other foot. “No, you don’t.”

Sanji looks up at him, and shakes his head slowly. Smiles, eyes soft.

“No, I don’t.”

xxx

After lunch, Chopper pleads with them all to play something with him. It’s Luffy that suggests Limbo, probably because he makes the miscalculation that being made of rubber is enough for him to win.

Zoro thinks Luffy may have forgotten that they have a reindeer literally a foot tall and a cook who can bend in half on the crew.

He snorts, but helps tie the rope from the mast to the railing anyway, and settles against the mast ready to watch some live entertainment.

“What, Zoro, you’re not playing??” Chopper pouts, and Zoro shakes his head.

He’s not going to win, he may as well admit it, so what’s the point of making himself look stupid?

He lets out a surprised oof when he feels something soft and furry collide with his chest, and looks down to see Chopper clinging to him with huge moist eyes. “Pleaseee?”

Zoro, as usual, relents.

He needs to learn how to say no to cute things.

Sighing, he gets up, and begins to untie his three katana from his waist.

Chopper cheers, before running back over to stand with Luffy and Usopp, who are contorting into strange and rather alarming shapes with serious expressions on their faces.

Franky and Brook are no better, standing a little further away and stretching rather obscenely if Zoro does say so himself, and he can hear the occasional “Yohohoho!” and “Yeow! SUPER!” drifting over from whatever disturbing conversation they’re probably having.

He doesn’t notice Sanji sidling up to him until he’s nudged by a bony elbow. He turns to face him, and notices Sanji’s taken off his suit jacket and rolled his sleeves back up again. “Can’t believe you agreed to play, marimo,” he teases. “Chopper really is your soft spot, huh?”

Zoro wonders whether it would be appropriate to mention that Chopper’s not as much Zoro’s soft spot as Sanji is. Probably not. He keeps his mouth shut, and chooses to hum non-committedly instead.

“Is there a prize, or am I playing for nothing?” Robin inquires calmly from his other side. Zoro shrugs.

Surprisingly, it’s Nami who answers her question.

“Since I’m feeling especially generous today,” she smirks, teeth turning pointy, “the winner will receive 10,000 Beri from me.”

Zoro grunts. How pointless. He’s never going to win, so the prize money will never be his. Not that he could have kept it anyway – he’s still got that ridiculous debt he owes her, that he swears she increases the amount of every time he asks.

Still. The deal is too good to be true – Nami never gives away money, so he wonders what the catch is.

“But,” she continues, and ah, there it is, “the one who comes last has to double the debt they owe me!” Her eyes turn to Beri signs, and drool starts to pool in her open mouth. Zoro would mention the irony of the drool to Sanji, but the feeling of betrayal reaches him first.

Why, that witch! She knows he’s horribly inflexible and probably going to lose, and he also owes the second largest debt to her after Luffy, so she no doubt set the rules just to spite him!

He’s just about to march over there and tell her to take it back, dammit, and stop being so cruel when a steady hand circles around his upper arm and prevents him from moving.

“You are going to stay here and agree with Nami-san, mosshead,” Sanji breathes calmly into his ear, “or I swear I will kick your sorry ass all the way back to Skypeia.”

Sanji sounds serious, and this more than anything is what sets Zoro off. He swallows back the bitter hurt that surfaces, because what exactly is surprising? He’s always known that Sanji adores Nami – that’s just common knowledge, long accepted as truth, and he shouldn’t challenge it. But he wants to, wants to scream in Sanji’s face it’s me or her, it’s not fair that you get both, but what’s the point? He knows who Sanji would choose already. So he clings to the anger, instead.

“Oh, fuck off,” he snaps back, and wrenches his arm out of Sanji’s grip. “You know her second rule is targeted at me, you just don’t give a shit because she’s always been your favourite!”

Then he’s storming towards her, angry beyond words not just because of her proposal but also because he hates that she doesn’t appreciate Sanji anywhere near enough, but is also still everything Sanji wants. He hates it, and he wishes that it didn’t hurt as much as it does knowing Sanji will always take her side, will always like her more, will always choose her over Zoro.

It’s bullshit, and Zoro knows it’s not her fault, not really, but he doesn’t really care either because right now he just needs to yell at somebody. He wants somebody to blame, because if he doesn’t blame somebody then he’ll be forced to admit that nobody’s to blame, that it’s just life, that it’s just the hand of cards he was dealt and he’ll have to deal with it, no matter how shit the cards are.

Because they’re pretty shit, aren’t they?

He’s almost reached her, hands clenched into fists and breathing too fast, when he feels a dress shoe connect heavily with his back. He’s sent sprawling across deck, and it’s not really a super hard kick, exactly, nowhere near hard enough to send him back to Skypeia, but it makes him so bitter and shaken and furious that in a split second he’s jumped back up and is charging at Sanji.

It’s probably the fact that he doesn’t have his swords that throws Sanji off, because he doesn’t move out of the way quick enough before Zoro’s shoulder comes into contact with his chest and they’re both sent tackling to the floor.

Zoro lands more or less on top of him, and he doesn’t waste time before grabbing Sanji by the collar and shaking him, shaking and shaking and shaking so that Sanji’s head is lolling about, but then Sanji’s rolling them around so that he’s the one on top and when did Zoro become the one who was shaking?

“What is wrong with you?” Sanji hisses, but he sounds rather concerned. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you today, but you’re acting strange.” He grips Zoro’s shoulders, frowning when he notices the trembling. “Why are you shaking? Are you sick? Maybe you should lie down for a bit-“

“No,” Zoro swallows around the growing lump in his throat, and tries to calm his breathing. “I’m fine.”

He clears his throat, letting go of Sanji’s shirt and ignoring the fact he’s wrinkled it rather badly before shoving Sanji off. Confused, Sanji lets him, and Zoro stands and moves away quickly before Sanji can catalogue too much of his expression. He’s confident that he’s showing too much on his face, and he’s so scared, terrified beyond belief, that Sanji will get one good long look at his face and know.

And Zoro can’t afford that, so he walks back to the rest of the group who are standing stock still as they gape at him. It’s a small mercy that they weren’t close enough to hear his conversation with Sanji.

He shrugs, as nonchalantly as possible, raising what he hopes is a carefree eyebrow. “Limbo?”

“Um,” Nami hesitates, glancing at him with a slightly guilty expression, “sure. And because I’m feeling very incredibly generous today,” smiles, and Zoro notes the lack of Beri signs in her eyes, “I’ve decided whoever loses only has to increase their debt to me by 50%!”

Zoro sends a ghost of a smile back, appreciating her effort, and feels a little bad that he made her feel responsible for his outburst. If only it were as simple as a debt, though. If only.

He feels Sanji saunter up to his side again, but neither of them say a word.

Robin watches them with a calculating gaze, and it makes Zoro feel slightly nauseous because what if she knows?

“Would you still like to play, swordsman-san?”

He shrugs, and tries to act natural. “Sure, why not?”

Robin tilts her head slightly but drops it, and so it’s in this tense sort of limbo (hah) that the game begins. They line up, Luffy and Chopper at the front, and one by one they make their way under the rope. It’s not difficult at all yet – the rope is set at around Zoro’s shoulder height, and he finds the first few rounds a relative breeze. As the rope is moved lower and lower, the tension that’s suffocating them like a smothering fog starts to dissipate – because despite Zoro’s mood being slightly off, the occurrence of Zoro losing his temper and getting into a scuffle with Sanji isn’t news.

Soon enough the stoic atmosphere is replaced by Chopper’s giggles at being able to just walk under the rope every time, bastards, and it doesn’t make him happy at all, and Brook’s cries of “yohohoho, how this is putting a strain on my muscles – except I don’t have any! Skull joke! Yohohoho!” and just like that, the crew is once more at ease.

Zoro finds himself smiling faintly at each of their antics, but his heart still isn’t really in it and he can feel Sanji’s eyes on him, gaze prickling the back of his neck. He doesn’t turn to meet his gaze, but every time it’s Sanji’s turn to make it past the rope he finds himself staring at the elegant bend of his back, how he makes it look so graceful and easy and how it accentuates the length of his legs. How his hair flops downwards and exposes parts of his face that are usually obscured by blonde bangs, how his lips curl around his cigarette, how he smiles with his teeth showing, and Zoro’s seen enough.

It makes him feel queasy, knowing how gone he is for somebody who’s so clearly off limits, out of reach, untouchable. It makes him feel sick, because hadn’t he promised himself he wouldn’t let it come to this? Hadn’t he sworn that he’d keep himself under control, to keep his distance, to first and foremost make Sanji happy? To put Sanji first?

He has nobody to blame but himself, really. He’d known not to get carried away; known that he shouldn’t keep giving out pieces of himself to a person who clearly doesn’t want them.

“Hey, you sure you’re alright?”

Zoro blinks, and when he zones back in it’s to see Sanji gazing at him in concern, blue eyes swimming with warmth that Zoro suddenly doesn’t want directed at him. It gives him hope that Sanji cares about him, but what good is that hope when he knows he’ll never care enough, never care in the way Zoro wants him to?

Sometimes, Zoro thinks it’d almost be better if he didn’t care at all. It’d be easier to keep away, then.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” He shrugs off the careful hand on his arm, and makes his way under the rope. It’s getting quite low, and Zoro knows he won’t make it past more than another few rounds. He doesn’t really care, anymore – let Nami increase his debt, he just wants to be left alone.

A few minutes later, Franky falls backwards as he’s going under the rope, and he blames it on the fact that his arms are too heavy and they’re upsetting his centre of gravity. Zoro has a sneaking suspicion Franky could have made a few more rounds if he’d put in a tad more effort, but he decides not to look a gift horse in the mouth and doesn’t say anything when Nami adds 50% onto Franky’s rather small – compared to Zoro’s at least – debt, failing the next round himself and gratefully sitting off to the side to watch the rest of them.

He watches Luffy’s ridiculous backbends as he passes under the rope, Nami and Robin’s smooth glide, Brook’s flexible arch, Chopper’s delighted walk, and Usopp’s flailing limbs, but time and time again he finds his attention drawn to Sanji. He’s confident as he passes under the rope, knows he’ll make it, and there’s no tremble or teeter as he bends backwards as easily as if it were forwards instead.

It’s fascinating, and Zoro can’t stop staring. But it’s not good for him, he knows that – knows he needs to stop and get a grip on himself, needs to move on, so he heaves himself up off of the floor with a groan.

“I think I might go and take a nap,” he tells Franky, and pretends he can’t feel Sanji’s gaze following him as he makes his way to the men’s quarters.

He doesn’t do much napping. Instead, he lies on his bed, hands behind his head as he wonders about the correlation between golden boys and the stars, both so beautiful and so unbearably out of reach.

xxx

Zoro stays like that until he hears the distinct sound of dress shoes on floorboards, and then stays like that some more.

Sanji pushes open the door with an armful of bandages, and doesn’t look too surprised at Zoro being there.

Franky probably told him.

Or perhaps he’d asked.

(But why would that matter? It doesn’t. Zoro needs to stop fooling himself.)

Sanji dumps the bandages on his bed, and isn’t that lovely, doesn’t this scene just give him a wonderful sense of déjà vu?

“Limbo over, then?” he asks, more to break the silence than anything.

Sanji looks over. “Yeah.” He doesn’t look away again, just gazes steadily at Zoro as if he’s an enigma and Sanji wants to solve him. Zoro clenches his jaw, torn between offering to help reapply the bandages, and saving himself while he still has enough pieces left.

He’s always been a little bit reckless though, hasn’t he? Sacrificial. That’s part of who he is, deeply engraved in his bones, to put his favourite people before himself. It’s etched in the scars at his ankles, permanent. He can’t really see himself changing, doesn’t even truly know how, because if he’s not the Roronoa Zoro everyone knows then who even is he?

He meets Sanji’s eyes, and holds them with his golden ones. Sits up, leans his elbows on his knees. Hesitates, and then thinks to hell with it, pushes himself up off the bed, picking up a roll of gauze. Tugs on Sanji’s shirt. Drops his gaze.

“Take this off.”

Sanji obeys silently, and the similarity between this day and that one so many weeks ago now has Zoro’s fingers trembling slightly.

The same people, the same event, but a different time.

As Zoro wraps the bandages around Sanji’s shoulder, well on its way to healing now, he finds his mind drifting to whether things would have turned out differently if he had met Sanji at a different time. Perhaps they’d be different people, perhaps they’d be together.

Perhaps, they’d both be golden.

xxx

Zoro finds out at dinner that Sanji won Limbo.

It’s Usopp who tells him later that Sanji gave the money he won back to Nami, and told her to deduct it from Zoro’s debt. He didn’t need it, he’d said. Such a kind man, learnt it all from Captain Usopp…

Zoro walks out then, and makes his way up to the crow’s nest where he tells Brook to get some sleep, relieving him of watch duty. Zoro may as well do it, if he’s going to be up all night.

xxx

It’s around midnight when Sanji joins him in the crow’s nest, climbing in silently with two mugs of steaming coffee and a tired smile on his face. He hands one of the mugs to Zoro, before sitting down so close that the two of them are touching from shoulder to knee.

Zoro thinks about moving away, but it’s late enough for honesty and Zoro doesn’t want to, so he doesn’t.

They don’t say anything, for a while. Zoro gets lost in the feeling of Sanji so close, and wonders why he has to make this so hard for Zoro, why he has to ruin him.

It’s not until their coffees are just dregs in their mugs and their mugs have long gone cold that Sanji breaks the silence.

“Do you ever feel like,” he whispers into the darkness, words weaving into the breeze, “your world has tilted on its axis and spun out of control?”

Zoro runs a hand over his face. “Yeah,” he sighs back. “Yeah.”

Sanji nods to himself. “Without your permission, without you even realising, until it’s too late.” He huffs out a breath, melancholy. Almost bittersweet. “It’s so strange.”

“It’s so shit, more like.”

Sanji’s lips twist into a wry grin. “Yeah, I suppose it is.”

Zoro wonders why they’re whispering like a breath too hard will break them, like everything they say is a secret, but maybe it will, and maybe it is.

“You know, I’ve always wondered why I’m never good enough for people to consider a serious relationship with.” Sanji shifts, taps his fingers against his knee. “Why am I not good enough?”

Zoro wants to tell him that he is good enough, he is he is he is, he’s good enough for Zoro, but he doesn’t because that’s not what Sanji wants to hear. He ducks his head instead, chewing on the inside of his cheek until he’s sure it bleeds.

“Nami said we’re arriving at an island tomorrow. You can go on your nice date with a nice girl, then,” Zoro promises, “and I’m sure there’ll be plenty of willing women to choose from.”

Before he’s even finished speaking, Sanji’s shaking his head. Laughs quietly, a melody broken but no less beautiful, and then a little louder. He’s still shaking his head, and there’s a touch of despair to his voice when he next speaks.

“Goodnight, Zoro.”

And then he’s tilting his head back to get one last look at the sky splattered with stars, before standing up, backlit by the moon and shoulders slumped, defeated.

The next second he’s gone, silent as he came, and alone and confused Zoro wonders whether he and Sanji are on the same page; whether they’re even reading the same goddamn book.

#roronoa zoro #sanji vinsmoke #zosan #zosan fanfic #one piece #One Piece Fanfiction #HazzilyEverAfter

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maedarakat · 7 years

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RTTE Short Fic Series: “The Book of Birbs”

Notes: Since the dragon raids, hardly a bird besides a turkey or chicken was seen on Berk. Sometimes Trader Johann would bring by canaries in cages, or brightly colored parrots, tame doves – but those would have been rare days.

Even now there was peace and friendship between Dragon and Viking, the constant presence of dragons would have made it very difficult for birds to find food. Terrible Terrors would have given seagulls and spoonbills no chance to scavenge, and they’d have hunted quail and pheasant. Berk’s famous Raven’s Point was likely named in honor of Odin’s own raven messengers – Huginn and Munnin - not because ravens hung out there frequently.

But the dragon-riders, who have the ability to travel to islands and continents with varied wildlife, have probably come across a variety of awesome (and possibly terrifying) birbs. I figured it would be fun to do a mini series of short fics, all describing the rider’s experiences with seeing a winged creature they’ve only heard about in myths and seen in illustrated manuals. Or never even heard of at all. :)

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1. Dragon-Fairy

Ruff hummed under her breath as she braided her hair, having just finished combing it out thoroughly. She’d missed her usual nightly routine, just flopping down on her sleeping roll out of sheer exhaustion.

Thank the Gods they were finished rescuing everyone out of that collapsing quarry. Viggo was repulsive – using the kids of the villagers as both slaves and hostages.

Very few things could anger her as much as the state those poor children had been in. After they were all rescued, she and Tuff had spent most of the night cutting iron manacles off chafed, bloody ankles. She knew she’d cried more than once. Her brother had fared no better, trying his best to keep it hidden.

The kids had been reunited with their weeping parents. In thanks, the villagers fed the riders and let them sleep in their Chief’s hall as guests of honor. Tuff was still curled on the floor next to her, snoring gently, hair all tangled around his face and pillow. He’d stolen her pillow early on, needing something to cuddle without his Chicken around.

She shook her head in exasperation, but resisted the urge to snatch it back and wake him. It was a nice quiet morning compared to last night, and Ruff wanted it all to herself.

A small bouquet of red and orange honeysuckle had been put in a cup of water in the window, a gift from an admiring young man. He’d been pretty cute too, with his dark hair and dimpled smile. Ruff sighed blissfully and tied up the end of her braid. She was almost about to stand up and dress for the cold when a small sparkling being fluttered into view.

Ruffnut froze, jaw dropping slightly as the tiny creature, its wings a blur, shimmering dragon-scale green and red in the sun. Whatever it was, it was tiny and graceful and beautiful. She wanted to catch it and look closer, but she also dreaded scaring it away.

Was it a new type of dragon? She’d never seen one so tiny – what on earth would it eat? Maybe it hunted down mosquitos and insects? Ruff gasped in delight as it came near her flowers, sticking its long snout into the center of the honeysuckle.

Oh, it was so adorable. She loved everything about it, especially the humming noise it made as it moved about.

“Hey there, little dragon-fairy!” Ruff whispered, as softly as she could. “You like sweet flowers, huh? You better stay away from the blue ones. They aren’t good for dragons. Awww, you’re so pretty, I just wish -“

“Nnnn, I know, I’m the pretty one. Thanks, but shut up,” Tuff mumbled, dragging the pillow in his arms over his head.

“I wasn’t talking to YOU, idiot!” Ruff snapped, whacking his shoulder.

At their raised voices and movement, the “dragon-fairy” zipped out of sight.

“Ugh, thanks a lot! Now it’s gone, probably forever!” she lamented, flopping on her back. She kicked her brother again for good measure, because he’d already started falling back asleep.

“Owww, what?!”

“You scared off my dragon-fairy, yak-butt!”

“I did what?” Tuff sat up. “Tell me everything, it sounds like I did something awesome.”

“Yeah, you awesomely ruined everything, as usual!” she fumed, crossing her arms. “I discovered a new species of dragon, and it was cute and pretty and it eats flowers – and YOU scared it away!”

“While getting violently beaten in my sleep? Impressive,” Tuff said blithely, and earned himself a glower. Before she could kick him again, he held up a hand.

“Easy sis,” her twin sighed. Ruff paused as she heard exhaustion overtake his penchant for squabbling. Last night had taken a toll on all of them. “I’ll help you find it if you want. Not like we’ve got a whole lot to do while H and A talk to the Chief.”

“Huh.” Ruffnut reached out and felt his forehead for a fever. It was all part of the silly banter they did, pretending everything was fine and normal and like they hadn’t just rescued a bunch of kids that were starved and beaten half to death.

“You’re not burning up, so I guess you’re up to traipsing around the place with me. Just don’t make a racket.”

“A racket? Sis, in an hour’s time you’ll be begging me to teach you how to sneak up on a dragon-fairy. Let’s not forget who the Changewing Champion of Dragon’s Edge is.”

“Ugh.” She got up and dumped all her blankets on top of him.

As much as she hated it, Tuff was right. Although it was two hours later, she gave up and clung to his waist, using her weight to drag him down as he attempted to break free. “Pleeeeeaaase!!! Come on, I hate begging!” she wailed.

“Then stop! I’m bored, I’m hungry, it’s probably lunch time, and these villagers seriously know how to cook. I am not missing out on that for your dumb “dragon-fairy”!”

“I would stop if you’d teach me how to stalk more efficiently! Come on, you even impressed Astrid, even though she didn’t say so. She was totally gushing to Heather about it.”

That gave Tuffnut pause. “Seriously? She did? And what did Heather say? Was Hiccup impressed too?”

She grinned slyly. “Gee, I don’t really remember. How about I tell you after you teach me?”

Tuff growled and changed direction, trudging back toward the forest fringe of the island.

“Yaaay!”

“Don’t ‘yaay’ at me, missy, I’m just going back to that bramble patch to see if I can scrape you off,” Tuff growled.

He didn’t though, and soon the two of them were crouched in a bush full of the same red flowers Ruff’s dragon-fairy had visited earlier. She matched her breathing with Tuff’s – slow and quiet. After an excruciatingly cramped fifteen minutes, their patience was rewarded.

The green and scarlet being was back, exploring flower after flower. Ruff heard her brother gasp slightly and smirked. She wanted to turn her head to see his expression, but not at the risk of scaring it away.

It shimmered in the sunlight as it visited flower after flower, and there was a strange sort of peace in listening to its thrumming wings.

Abruptly, the foliage behind them parted as someone stuck their head in. The dragon-fairy zipped off and Ruff turned to snap at the intruder. She nearly bit her tongue as she recognized the same young man who’d given her those flowers. “Hello! There you are – you are missing lunch, friends.”

Tuffnut moved out of his crouched spot without hesitation, stomach already growling. The villager offered his hand to Ruff, who took it gladly and let herself be helped to her feet.

“Hey, uh –“

“Halvar,” the young man said, flashing a smile. She glanced at Tuff to see if he’d take the hint and leave. Her brother ignored the look and stayed put, watching Halvar coolly.

“So, Halvar, what kind of dragons do you have on this island anyway?”

Thankfully, Halvar took no offense. “None, friend. That’s why your amazing dragons have caused such a stir. Why did you ask? Have you seen one that is not yours?”

“Yeah, it was tiny, and green and red, and it eats flowers. Weird, but totally awesome,” Tuffnut answered. "And as much as I hate to say my sister was right, totally worth the hunger pains."

Halvar laughed fondly. “That was no dragon, it was a hummingbird. But I can see why you’d think so. Its shining feathers are very much like the vibrant scales of your dragons.”

Ruff wrinkled her nose in confusion. “A humming – wait, that was a bird? I have never seen a bird like that, not even in pictures.” She was disappointed; bringing the other riders news of a bird wasn’t impressive at all.

“Do not be sad, lady. They only thrive where it is always warm, like this island. My people believe seeing a hummingbird is a sign of good luck, and more. For it to drink a flower’s nectar so close to you means that you are trustworthy and kind.”

She blushed and smiled, eyes sparkling as she looked up at Halvar.

“Huh. Does it mean we get first pick of the lamb chops?” Tuff asked, completely unimpressed. Ruff could honestly hit him.

Again, Halvar laughed. “Of course, but we’d better head there quick before your friends eat them all.”

Tuff’s eyes widened. He pointed at Ruff. “Make good choices,” he told her sternly, and then raced back to the village as fast as he could.

“Ugh, sorry about my brother.”

“Don’t be. Thanks to you, my little sister came home alive last night. I will not want to leave her side again, after you dragon-riders leave.”

Ruff put a hand on his arm. “You can call on us anytime you need, Halvar. We’ll completely wreck anyone who tries that again. And I’m just speaking for myself and my brother.”

“We thank you for that, truly. I hope no-one does, but I do hope I see you again.”

Ruffnut grinned as they walked toward the village, looping her arm through Halvar’s. She was never going to forget that it had been her he’d brought flowers to, walking right past Astrid and Heather. (The looks on their faces had been priceless.)

Dragon-fairy or no, she was definitely going to sketch a hummingbird in one of her notebooks tonight. After all, each adventure had driven the riders further and further west.

Maybe it was time to start keeping track of other winged beings for a change.

#ruffnut #tuffnut #rtte #httyd #fanfiction

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innovativeencounters-blog · 7 years

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Waitabu Village, Taveuni ~ Vanua: Land & People

First and foremost this past week was the most life changing, eventful week I have ever experienced in a long time.

Let me start off by saying that the ferry ride to Taveuni was the longest ride I have ever been on in my life. I felt like I was traveling forever, not to mention I did not even really sleep. I just kept waking up looking around at everyone else around me sound asleep and looked out the window at the waves crashing around causing the boat to rock. Felt like I was on some never ending boat ride but the water was so beautiful. Once we arrived the car ride to the village wasn't so bad, getting to see the little town of shops and all the beautiful green life around; despite the rain and cloudy weather. You can see how much climate change has been affecting their island because there were parts of the road that the water was basically right on the edge and under trees. When we arrived at the village there was a welcome ceremony and everyone in the village was so humble and loving. All the children were running around trying to play with us and giving high fives or asking our names. After eating we were introduced to our host families and moved into our new homes for the week. To finish off the night the villagers had a Kava ceremony where everyone introduced themselves then had a great time listening to the band and of course drinking Kava. By the end of the night I was so tired that I finally crashed and got a somewhat decent sleep though it was short lived because I woke up.

The next day was such a scary day for me because I had an allergic reaction to one of my favorite foods to eat, “roro” which is similar to spinach. My throat started to swell and close up causing me to not be able to breathe properly and it was such a terrifying experience. It hurt so much to swallow and to maintain my breathing, thank goodness my sister was there and was able to give me an allergy medication to help me. I was disappointed that I was not able to go snorkeling though but my sister and friend stayed with me the whole time to make sure I was alright. A bunch of people in the village came to check on me and make sure I was feeling better or to help assist with anything that I needed, as well as spend some time with me while I recovered. I felt so loved like I was a part of the village by the concern and care that was shown by everyone, especially the next day. Everyone heard what had happened to me and just wanted to make sure I was feeling better as well as constantly made sure that I was good; it was greatly appreciated.

Lavena Costal Walk & Boat Trip

Despite the fact that I was soaking wet the whole time because it was raining since we started our coastal walk, there was an abundance of events that occurred. The beginning of the walk was against the shoreline where I saw washed up corals, colorful seashells, these flowers the only bloom at night, rocks, tree branches and leaves. As I walked along the shoreline I looked out at the horizon and all I could see was miles of blue water and waves crashing loudly against the shore. We started to hike up these narrow hilly trails where I saw these lava rocks that looks so cool because you normally wouldn't see that on a beach.We came up to a raging river that we had to cross in order to see one of the waterfalls, I was afraid to even cross because I am short and the water looked pretty deep, not to mention I cannot swim. I am a mermaid out of water that cannot swim, I found out I can float though. (: Anyway, as I started to cross this raging river I slipped on a rock and the current was super strong which made it worse while trying to hold onto the rope. I was falling into the water and saw my life flash before my eyes, I was about to slam into a huge rock head first. Thank goodness one of the guys grabbed me before that could happen so I just ended up falling onto my butt in the river. First thing I did after I got up was run back to the land and handed him my bag because I thought my phones got soaked along with a few other important things in my bag, but luckily it did not. When I continued to try crossing this river again the current was so powerful that I could barely hold onto the rope and kept slipping on the rocks, by the end there was a huge drop and I felt like I was about get pulled away by the current. If it wasn't for the guys helping pull everyone across to land I probably would of been gone with the current all the way to a whole new destination and banged up on rocks. On the trail there were these little leaves that when you touched them, they got scared and closed up which was the coolest thing I have ever seen. Who would of known a plant can do something like that then they are touched, I know I didn’t. There were tons of plants and life around the trails, a fresh water eel was in a little stream along the path and I was also lucky to see an orange bird that is only in Taveuni. The bird was so bright and gorgeous as it sit so peacefully on the tree branch until it flew away. Once we arrived at the waterfall it was so beautiful, at first I didn't want to get inside since I cannot swim but I ended up putting on a life vest and getting in with help from everyone. The current of the water was extremely powerful that it felt like it did not want us to even get in to explore all that it had to offer. I tried to swim and I was surprised that I was actually moving a little though it was not much. It was a struggle trying to get close enough to the area where you could stand on rocks that by the time we got there everyone decided to go back after awhile since the current was that strong. Along with my friend not being able to breathe properly so I was worried about him, considering that was a similar feeling i experienced the day before. It was so strong that it made it difficult for everyone to swim and truly get to enjoy the waterfall. Once we all walked back we had lunch and took a boat to another waterfall, must I say that I was terrified to be in such a small boat with all the waves making the boat tilt. I felt like I was physically going to fall over into the water because it was tilting so much into the water, my whole sleeve of my jacket was wet since I kept holding onto the boat with all my might so I would not fall off. This waterfall was calmer compared to the first one we went to, only issue was that the tide raised causing the water in the waterfall to rise. I remember looking at this rock that I was standing on completely dry being covered by water in less than 20 minutes, it was pretty intense. As we left the boat ride was scary again since it was a higher tide and we were going into the waves, but the water was so warm and felt wonderful. This trip overall was quite an experience that I am happy to have made it through safely despite the minor incidents that occurred.

Tavoro Walk

Our walk in Tavoro was a calm simple easy walk to a lovely waterfall. As we walked in silence I was able to get in tune with my senses as I did in the rainforest the week prior. I saw and heard the parrots in the trees singing, saw something called a floating island in the stream. I learned that no matter how much the water rises the floating island does not get covered with water, instead it always stays above the water. Looking out seeing the mountains touching the sky and being surrounded by all these colorful plants/ trees/ flowers. The working of moss climbing its ways up the roots and stumps of trees creating such an amazing aesthetic, hearing the sound of the water crashing into the pool of the waterfall and smelling that crisp scent of earth. We found out that there was a way to get to the second waterfall without having to cross another raging river. As we started our silent journey to the second waterfall we stopped at a rest stop that overlooked the whole area of Tavoro. It was spectacular looking out and seeing the ocean shoreline meeting with the trees in the forest/park and connecting to the mountains. The sky so blue and filled with clouds, it was definitely a sight to see considering the walk to that point was steep steps that were extremely tiring. Inclines have to be my biggest downfall when it comes to physical activities like hiking or walking, I really need to pace myself more and learn that I do not have to rush myself or push myself harder than I am. As we sit and discussed everything that we saw and how we felt it made me reflect on life. That though it is challenging with all of its obstacles it can be overcome with a little hard work and silence. Considering that the whole time in Fiji that was one of the main thing that we learned, how silence speaks so much volumes that we do not always realize. When it was time to continue walking to the waterfall I did not want to go because I could not physically make it anymore for another 30 minutes going up steep incline stairs, but I decided to try and see how much I can take. Surprisingly, I made it all the way to the second waterfall which had a raging stream of water falling and crashing down into the pool. There were tons of rocks that were super slippery, so I decided to just stay on this big one and watch everyone else have a wonderful time in the water. After awhile I took a head start on the way back down to the first waterfall since I know that I wanted to take my time. It was a smart decision because going down was just as hard as it was going up considering going down and not falling on the rocks that were slippery. By the end of the walk I truly enjoyed it and felt proud of myself once again for completing this trip along with pushing myself a little more.

Rainbow Reef

As we sailed on the boat to the Cabbage Patch reef the sight of the whole Taveuni was spectacular. Seeing it from a whole new lens with all the mountains, green life to the villages and various blue shades of water. When we arrived at the Cabbage Patch reef I was the last to get into the water because I have never been snorkeling this way before, out in the middle of the ocean with all the gear on; I was terrified as usual. Once I hoped into the water and finally put my face into the water it was breath taking literally. It was a whole new world except it was underwater, with all of its life. From seeing all kinds of coral, fish, plants and how it was all formed made me think how similar it is to life above water. Everything has a job to do or contributes something into their underwater life and ecosystem. I wish I could of taken pictures of all the amazing things that I saw underwater to always remember and reflect on what was seen, but I will be okay because it is a mental image that is illustrated in my head. In the Cabbage Patch reef, I saw trumpet fish, eels, clown fish, puffer fishes basically that was seen in the Finding Nemo movie which was amazing. Looking at the coral that was destroyed in the cyclone and how some of it was repaired, to the cabbage like coral that looked more like green bunches of roses. We took a mini break on a nearby beach where we learned more about the life on the rainbow reef and the various forms of life forms that we might encounter. I also learned that Fiji has more forms of coral and fish than the Caribbean does which was completely shocking to me. At the Rainbow Reef, I was more excited about getting into the water compared to the first time I go in. The water was so cool and refreshing from being in the heat on the boat. As I looked down into the ocean I saw more of the colorful life forms that lived there. There was coral that when you touched it changed from a bright pink color to a bright bluish purplish color and this huge brain coral that had various forms of life living on it that it was multicolored. It was great getting to swim in schools of different fishes and seeing how they ride a current along with glide through the water. I was lucky enough to see a sea snake that was really cool and one of those huge fish that was just swimming around looking for food. My favorite was thing about this whole trip was overcoming my fear of water and getting into the water with a life vest to get a chance to see this amazing ecosystem and life forms underwater. This trip was probably my favorite trip of the whole entire week because how many people can say that they went snorkeling in Fiji, I am sure not that many.

Connection to the readings

Reflecting back on the week and the readings that I had to do I found various connections and things that stood out to me. In the Hao-Li reading it talked about how Vanua is a home, a community, land, and people in the land. The physical, social and cultural dimensions of land and the life surrounding it. It is the language that is spoken and used by indigenous Fijians in various forms and contexts like historical, social, investigative and dynamic ways. Vanua allows people to love one another, be considerate, creates ways for them to share and help one another. It was not just the physical aspect of the land and its connection with people but more of the spiritual connection that it had between the land and its people. I realized that throughout my week here in Waitabu how true that this reading was in the sense of connections that people had with the land around them. Knowing that all of the men in the village uses the land as a form of income and prosperous way of survival in their everyday lives for those around them. Without the land there would not be a place or home for the people to live and plant crops, to survive. By being in this environment, seeing all the various forms of ecosystems that I was surrounded by and have encountered, it allowed me to see how special the land was to the villages. That it did not matter what they had, they were truly and genuinely happy because they had one another and the land as their home. As their mother that provides for all, it gave themas identity and fulfillment that words and materialistic things cannot. The land is something that is sacred to the people on it, they are dependent on it to survive. From seeing the grey space between the land and all that connects it to the shoreline connecting to the land of trees, it is all helping one another. Everything that I saw this week and all the trips that was taken made me think of everything as one large ecosystem working hand in hand to create this sacred land that mother nature has provided. With us as humans being a part of that ecosystem as well, helping and sharing all that we have to offer to build, grow, and make the land, our land flourish. In the reading by Nainoca, it discussed the influence that bula vakavanua has on the lifestyle of Fijians and focus on social capital along with ecological knowledge. What I took out of this reading was that urban Fijians are starting to distance themselves from the vanua because it is not benefiting them other than as a place to live, they want more out of the land that they live on. The desensitization of people from the world around us and the disconnect that most people are feeling with the land. It made me question myself on each of the trips about how I have become desensitized or disconnects from the land that I live on and everything that creates that land. How do you embrace the disorientation or at what age do you embrace it? Even at this age I do not know how to embrace the disorientation of me and the connection to the land. By the information and knowledge that has been accumulated over the years, the experiences that I have encountered and the situations that I have encountered. How do I embrace that disorientation of my position in the world? Me being someone that is Caribbean and fortunate enough to see various cultures and travel. Knowing that there are people who live in their mother land and have yet to explore their lands. Part of me embraces the confusion of everything around me and my ability to question all that I am curious about. Along with honoring the learning journey, the journey of living in the land and being present in the place or position in life that I am in.

Hao-Li, L. (2015). Vanua as Environment: Conservation, Farming and development in Waitabu, Fiji (pp. 23-33; extract). Unpublished Thesis, Doctor of Philosophy, University of Pittsburgh, USA. Nainoca, W. U. (2012). The influence of the Fijian way of life (bula vakavanua) on community-based marine conservation (CBMC) in Fiji, with a focus on social capital and traditional ecological knowledge (TEK) (pp. 7-12; extract). Unpublished Thesis, Doctor of Philosophy, Massey University, New Zealand.

#studyAbroad #study #Aesthetic #fiji #asiapacific #travel #traveler #traveling #reef #coral #fish #ecosystem #snorkeling #hiking #nature #exploring #innovative

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