#and I’m going to hate myself for it

[naturecalls111]

#black leg sanji #red leg zeff #one piece #comic #fanart #sanji vinsmoke #< the tag I use more often so just for easy navigation on my blog. #my dog of 17 years passed the other night and god knows I suck at processing things #I wanted a way to distract myself but I couldn’t Really distract myself so. #when I woke up after drawing this comic I hated how I wrote the end part #my brain was muddled so words weren’t coming to me the way I wanted it to #I was going to change it before posting it here but that feels… disingenuous. so I’m keeping it #my puppy’s name was Sunny. it’s silly of me but it makes me feel even closer to one piece now #anyway sorry for rambling #I miss my big baby

[thatmanchris]

Anyone want a taste after today’s workout?

#me #myself #been hating my body lately so it convinced me to go workout today #I’m at the most I’ve weighed ever so it’s been bothering me and yes it’s easy to work angles in photos #but my clothes aren’t fitting and it’s bothering me 😩

[dumbasswithapen]

can we just listen to Disabled people when they say what accommodations they need??? Like it really isn’t that hard to just take someone’s word on what is best for their own body! Whether it’s more or less or different than what you deem they need it really isn’t your place to say!!!

Sometimes, people need more than they show! Especially if they’re used to being in pain all the time, then they won’t always display that discomfort.

Sometimes the accommodations someone needs are different than what you assume. A friend who struggles with noise sensitivity may ask for you to turn on a different type of music, instead of turning it down, and if that is what they express they need you don’t have to say “oh no I can just turn it down!” and ignore them saying that that isn’t necessary because your idea of noise sensitivity is different than their own experiences and needs.

And sometimes people need less than you try to provide! Or simply don’t want that accommodation at the time! And here’s the crazy part: this applies even if what they say to do could hurt them. Obviously this isn’t a rule for every situation*, but for some it absolutely is. If your friend wants to tag along for, say, a hike, and they have joint pain it isn’t your place to add in “oh no but they can’t do [the hike]! They’ll be in pain! We have to do something else to accommodate them!” If that person expressed a desire to go, especially if offered other options prior that wouldn’t hurt them, let them live. Let them do the thing that puts them in pain, because Disabled people don’t always want to be shoved into a little box of safety. Absolutely sometimes they do, and some might always want to, but if they don’t, then let them make their own choices for their body. Just as anyone else does. You go out and get drunk, even if it gives you a hangover. You go skating even if you’re shit at it and scratch up your knees a bunch. Just because someone is Disabled doesn’t mean that they can’t do the same thing and do that fun thing that hurts them.

I don’t know if I’m displaying my point how I want, so here’s my own example: I am allergic to the cold. Anything below 60 degrees (f) I get hives. Any water cooler than a fucking warm shower I get hives. My joints don’t do great when it’s cold out. This does not mean that when I say I want to go swimming, you can say “oh but you can’t you’ll get hives!” Or “no you can’t do that you’ll be in pain!” Because. I know that. I know that. I know my Disability better than anyone else can, and I can ask for accommodations I need. I am not a child to be wrapped in bubble wrap so I don’t get hurt. My body is my body and I can do with it what I want, and face the consequences. Likewise, just because I said I wanted to go swimming doesn’t mean that when I don’t want to go out and muck around in the snow it is anyone’s right to say “oh but you wanted to swim earlier, so obviously it isn’t that bad for you!” Or “oh it’s fine it’s not that cold! Just wear a sweater!” Because at that time I need and want different accommodations and that should be listened to and considered accordingly, as far as it can be in that situation.

Seriously. Just listen to us. We are in our own bodies. We know ourselves. It really isn’t that hard

*a situation where this point would be null is, for example, a situation where the person has been peer pressured into doing something, or one where you know the person well and know that the endurance of pain is a self-harming behavior

#disability #disabled #information #shi rambles #ableism #accommodation #cold urticaria #chronic pain #Like I get that my mom wants the best for me but I really know myself #If I avoided getting hives I’d be avoiding swimming at all. I’d not be having cold drinks or foods. I’d be not going outside #Even if I’m complaining about being in pain it doesnt mean that I don’t want to do the thing. It just means I don’t want to be in pain. #I know that won’t change but it’s not the change that matters it’s the expression of it #idk #actually disabled #ugh I don’t like wiriting that i feel like a fraud cuz im not disabled “enough” #It’s so fucking stupid I hate my brain

[tnnrrdchclt]

#gets me very far. i’m just going through it and annoyed at myself when i shouldn’t be because i can’t anticipate everything — #no matter how intuitive i am or regardless of how much discernment i have. #i hate being here. i feel like i made excuses in hopes of not being here and still ended up here. #i wouldn’t even call them excuses because i thought i was giving grace and clearly looks like grace at my expense is a betrayal. #i’m getting better at choosing myself. at the moment it might feel like a loss and everything feels pointless and all i want to do is cry - #i never want to feel like this again. #anyone who wants to hate me can hate me. i do not care. #i will say that since i’ve posted this - it’s nice to see other folks and their take on self awareness. almost comforting i’d say.

[shortcakelils]

felt a bit sad so I made them miserable

#cddwtd #cddwtd lily #cddwtd cuphead #my art #Lily rossianna #cuphead #yeah no I actually felt like dogshit #currently hating life but it’s not the end of the world so I’m not gonna sweat it #anyways I’m going to sleep it’s almost 6am #honestly tho the night is the only time of day that I can get time to myself and feel good about it #COUGH ANYWAY BYE GOODNIGHT

[saturdaynightfrightclub]

As a DP X DC fanfic author…

Was anyone going to tell me that Damian Wayne has a CANONICAL biological brother (basically the same age!!) with WHITE HAIR and GREEN EYES who was tortured by Ras, or was I just supposed to find that out myself????

(He’s from the Robin (2021) comic run and first (?) showed up during the Lazarus games. He’s the clone-baby of Talia and Slade Wilson (death stroke). The Al-Ghuls never gave him a name, and basically only kept him around as spare parts for Dami :(. He calls himself Respawn and I already love him.)

Dont think about how Damian and Respawn never got to be brothers :) don’t think about how Mara was pitted against her cousin from birth and neither her nor Damian could just be kids :)) Dont think about how Talia kept a son from both Bruce and Slade, who are known to love their children to the point of destruction :))) Don’t think about how Mara only ever wanted to be recognized as being worth something, how Damian only wanted to belong, or how Respawn only wanted to be loved. :)))) Don’t think about how this means that Ra’s Al-Ghul had three children he broke like they were nothing at all. :)))))

#I’m going to isekai myself into the DCU for the sole purpose of beating Ra’s Al-Ghul’s ass #this is a Ra’s Al-Ghul hate post #all my homies hate Ra’s Al Ghul #it’s on sight #batman #batfam #damian wayne #danny phantom #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #dc #DCU Respawn #DCU Mara Al-Ghul #slade wilson #bruce wayne is a good dad #Slade Wilson is a good dad #talia al ghul

[smoak-luthor]

I’m finally watching The 100 ~yes it’s a bit late I know but when Clexa was a thing I still thought I was straight so I kinda didn’t care about them. But a few weeks ago I was talking to a friend and she said I should watch it cause it’s part of the “sapphic culture” .. 😅

I have to admit overall the show is way better than I thought it would be but today I watched the episode that Lexa died. GOD IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING. Of course I knew she would die but the way they decided to kill her was so stupid. A stray bullet?! Really?!? I thought she was going to die in battle or something!!! Lexa had so much potential and she’s more interesting than like 90% of the characters! And I love her relationship with Clarke. It made me so upset that they didn’t have more scenes together.. Did they really killed her just for shock value? Is that one of the reasons why people were so mad when it happened?

ANYWAYS

I have so much to talk about this show but it’s 2024 and I’m pretty sure no one gives a fuck anymore.. 😅

#Clexa #The 100 #can’t believe I’m actually invested in this show #why am I doing that to myself?!?! #the show is stil interesting now but I know it’s going to get worse #and I hate most of the main characters I was hoping they would get better #why the ‘sky people’ are so fucking dumb??? #also #the AI/City of lights plot reallyyy annoys me #no one is going to read this but I really needed to rant 😅

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[ibtisams]

I don’t want to sound like those who complain of “boycott fatigue” or “activism burnout” because what I’m feeling is not even close to that, and I am always aware that those currently in Gaza experience everyday is incomparable to anything I can and will ever feel. With all of that being said, I have also lost so much during these 2 months and not had a chance to process or grieve and my mental health has suffered tremendously because of it. I am so beyond exhausted and in a horrible place mentally so I am going to take a small break from being online while I focus on my mental health and getting my life together after these nonstop 2 months

#I hate to sound like I am complaining and diminishing what those in Gaza go through without having a break at all #it is a luxury to be able to take a break but I don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to take a break #Gaza is on my mind every second of the day I close my eyes and see those images and I dream of those images and I am as vocal as I can be #but I need to step back and put myself first and prioritise my mental health because I am really not doing well #I’m so sorry I know how this all looks and sounds but I think I am closer than most to the situation I hope you can see that #I have a queue and of course I will never fully be able to be offline so I’ll still check messages or mutuals can reach me on discord #🦢

[garfield-milk]

heyyyy @ssreeder guess what <3

#I promised you something so here it is #it’s just a sketch #(because I can’t bring myself to actually draw anything) #but I think you deserve something after such a beautiful chapter #also #while doing this I realized that it’s been i year since my first fanart for you fic #(which happens to also be cuddling zukka lmao) #I’m not sure if this is 100% a curated because I just remembered a line in which zuko touches sokkas face and went with it #accurate* #atla #avatar the last airbender #zukka #zuko #sokka #atla fanart #fanart #ngl i hate this but its good enough for the huuuuuge artblock im going through #my art

[crybaby-bkg]

I wanna write something about terrorizing an old man bc you want him to fuck you, but he keeps holding back bc he’s scared of breaking you :(

#miguel if I knew who you were personally I would write this about you #sadly no one will take me to the movies 😔 ABSKFHFKDJF #and I’m keeping this idea until I finally see atsv so nobody look at it funny >_> #I wish I had a car and a license and no anxiety bc I would go by myself #but alas. everyone hates me I fear. #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[theswedishpajas]

[Mii Maker Music]

!!Find the palette in this thread!!

#my art stuff #beetlejuice #cartoon #toonjuice #digital art #bugs #emoji #I made my own brush for the bugs so I can use them in the future #I’m trying to make art more enjoyable for myself and that means making it much less complicated and take less time #so I’m hoping to use this brush more in the future when drawing beej #or things in general #I’m getting better at lightning the weight I put on myself with my art #but it’s an upphills battle and I am STRUGGLING #I’ve been using this eene inker randomly for a while now and it’s making art so much easier to do for me somehow #but it looks so disgusting in my art. not cus it’s an ugly brush. I think it’s really nice-looking actually #but I have such a strong need for all my art to look clean and for every line to be intentionally put where it is #I have a tendancy to go in and fix singular pixels in EVERYTHING when I draw. even if just to make it intentionally look unintentional #but this brush does it on it’s own and I haven’t felt this relaxed while making digital art in MANY years and it’s STRESSING ME OUT #but it’s good that I can relax. That’s the goal. I want to be able to rnjoy drawing again. #The biggest hurdle is my autism hating change but once I’m past that I know I’ll be right as rain #in the meantime I hope people can still enjoy what little stuff I mannage to crank out randomly #also don’t ask me what the style is. my hand just went off with the “whatever just get it down real quick” mentality #I really need to draw the sweetheart more… I say when he is all I draw besides myself anymore-

[atopvisenyashill]

If Jaehaerys was all about minimizing the power of Targaryen daughters but marrying them off to less-than-ideal suitors (love that idea), how do you think that applies to the match of Rhaenys and Corlys? Does it, even? Or does it need to, given expected Rhaenys's station at the time? He says she couldn't have picked a better man.

And, also, do you think this can be applied to Daemon's match with Rhea?

LETS DIG INNNN okay this got so longgggg but i was trying to be fair while also discussing like, so much sex crime-

So like the post said re: Alyssa & Baelon’s marriage, I think there's some interference from Alysanne here. Especially early on in their marriage, before she's made it clear that she can in fact live without his ass, I think we have several cases where he's ~indulging~ Alysanne's more romantic ideas about what ruling should look like and what being a targaryen should be about. Giving her wins that ultimately don’t cost him much (before she starts asking for things he doesn’t approve of).

I think by the time Rhaenys marries Corlys, Jaehaerys has already written her off as a potential heir, but if he denies her marriage to Corlys, that risks not only pissing off Corlys - who imo already has A Whole Thing about being Just As Valyrian As The Targaryens, so he will take offense - but also tips Alysanne off to the fact that he has no intention of letting the crown pass to Rhaenys or her sons. He knows this is a sore spot for her because she insisted that little Daenerys be considered crown princess and heir over Aemon, and Jaehaerys already brushed her off about that. So if he tries to marry Rhaenys off to like, a Tully who already has three heirs or some random Darry, Alysanne is going to argue that Rhaenys deserves a much loftier match given her status, and get really paranoid about why Rhaenys is getting a shitty match. I think he's trying to put off naming Baelon as his/Aemon’s heir for as long as possible because he knows it's going to be a fight, especially given that Alysanne is usually the one in charge of marriages, and this has precedent (that marriages are the Queen's domain - Visenya and Rhaenys made marriage matches as well).

But also. I think (and I can't believe I'm gonna do my man Ned dirty like this) that like Ned (bleh), Jaehaerys learns the "wrong lesson" from his sister. Rhaena married extremely beneath her and that caused major problems for her, so Jaehaerys is making sure that Rhaenys doesn't marry far beneath her as well. Because see, Rhaena spends much of her life miserable, without a direction in life, without even a castle to her name that she can hide out in. Everything that is hers is actually Jaehaerys' and it eats away at her until the day she dies. Beyond that, keeping Rhaena on as a guest is expensive because people want to see her, because she comes with her own household, and because she has a whole ass dragon that needs to be fed. So even if she wanted to live off the goodwill of others, that goodwill runs out quick due to logistics. She only gets Harrenhal because Maegor Towers is sickly and the last of his line, and even then, it's not really hers - it belongs to the crown.

I think Jaehaerys looked at how unhappy she was and what a huge pain in the ass it was, and figures he needs to give Rhaenys a consolation prize in a way he doesn’t need to give to the younger daughters, bc they never had a chance to inherit. Rhaenys has assumed the crown will pass if not to her then to her son, as has Alysanne, and I think its likely Aemon and Jocelyn also assumed that the crown would pass to Rhaenys' eventual son. Jaehaerys can’t just deny her all the trappings of being crown princess/mother to a king and expect her to take it lying down. And to be clear, I do think there’s some emotional aspect to this - I think he did feel guilty over stealing Rhaena’s crown and throne even if he felt he was doing it ~for the good of the realm bc Aegon had died. When Rhaena makes her “you are rhaenys i am visenya i have always known this” comment, she nails the dynamic, but I think Rhaena being the ~rejected bride~ does hurt Jaehaerys - she deserved, in his eyes, to grow old with their brother and have the power of a queen consort. BUT. At the same time, he’s a raging violent misogynist who believes Alysanne is the only exception to her gender, that it is simply right and natural that a woman only derives power from her husband. It’s why Baelon gets to claim Balerion when he’s young, but Alyssa is barred until her wedding. A dragon is a responsibility, a realm is a burden, and in his eyes Alyssa Velaryon, Rhaena, and Visenya all failed to live up to the challenge. So yes, he wants something good for Rhaenys - he wants her to have a happier life than Rhaena did, and he’s willing to gamble just like he did with the Baelon/Alyssa marriage, and indulge Rhaenys and Alysanne in giving her a dragon and a husband who could back her claim because she needs something to keep her calm when he inevitably usurps her, in contrast to the way Rhaena had absolutely nothing to distract her from her misery. And his gamble pays off is the thing - he neutralizes her dragon and her husband bc Corlys is off fighting still when the announcement is made, and Rhaenys is heavily pregnant and probably not really riding Meleys. He figured - bc of his love for Alyssa, Alysanne, and Rhaenys, however goddamn deranged and ultimately meaningless that love is - that he could move the pieces enough to get the outcome he thought was best and he was right!

For Daemon's part, I do think this is part of why Alysanne ships him off to the Vale yes. Notable to me that every marriage match does have a seat of their own, even if it's not an important one, unlike second son Androw Farman - Daella would have gotten the Eyrie, Viserra would have gotten White Harbor, and while none of Saera's matches were lofty they were all heirs with nice enough seats. But Daemon would run into a similar problem where it would be too expensive to keep him around if he marries some random noble lady living with her dad, but if he marries too high up that’s just as bad, so giving him an heiress and then kicking him the fuck out is a good way to deal with him.

BUT. I actually do have a conspiracy theory here that something happened at KL that caused a huge stir within the family and Alysanne dealt with it by shipping Daemon off. What happened? Well...obviously I think Viserys and Daemon got caught fucking lmao, I call myself a Visaemon truther for a reason. I do also think there's a chance that Alysanne suspected Daemon was fucking around with Gael as well - they're only a year apart, they grew up in King’s Landing together, Gael & Alysanne have been back at court a few years, Targaryens love to do that stuff, etc. I’m not saying he IS the father, the timeline is close enough that they could have fucked around but not close enough to have gotten her pregnant - he marries Rhea in 97 and Gael disappears from court in 99. But my other conspiracy about Jaehaerys being the father does kinda fit this too - that Alysanne noticed something was up but suspected the wrong man. I don't think Alysanne would ever want to even entertain the thought that Jaehaerys was raping one of her daughters, even if she realized what he had done to Alysanne herself was rape. Much easier to blame it on/suspect eternal Problem Child Daemon, especially if he's also being groomed by fucking Viserys; he's already an oversexed lecher who seduced gentle, married Viserys away from sweet Aemma, what else isn't he capable of? (and the double tap there of like, hypersexualization of bisexuality + Alysanne’s complete refusal to deal with how unhappy she is with Jaehaerys equals, to me, her constantly punishing her children and grandchildren because she can’t punish Jaehaerys, and proving this point to herself that she couldn’t have been manipulated into marrying him because look, her daughters are marrying the same way as well. And if she suspects even subconsciously that Jaehaerys is raping Gael? And punishes Daemon for ~seducing~ her poor sweet innocent Gael and stealing away Viserys from his sweet innocent wife Aemma? yeah that tracks with how she treats Saera and Viserra).

um tldr i think jaehaerys simply gambled that he could still control the situation when it came to defanging rhaenys, but also knew he couldn’t just give her nothing, if not for sentiment sake, then at least for logistics sake and to avoid a small rebellion, so when rhaenys & alysanne float the match, he can’t say no to it, so he just controls it. and i do think alysanne sent daemon off to the vale in part to defang him as well, yes, in addition to my not insane i’m right conspiracies about exactly what was cookin in king’s landing circa 97-99 ac (it was a lot of sex crimes, that’s what was cookin).

#anti jaehaerys i targaryen #i gotta stop myself here before i go down a rabbit hole akskdkdjjd #anyways once again i fucking hate jaehaerys i think he is the worst targ king and i’m including maegor and aerys ii i don’t give a fuck #just bc he wasn’t as flashy abiut abusing his family & had oodles of dumb luck doesn’t make him a good king #he sucks and he’s not even fun on top of it. once again at least aegon iv aerys ii and maegor have pizzaz. #ummmm #anti alysanne targaryen #idk jic. do i tag gael. do i tag rhaenys. #asks #backjustforberena

[snowflake-sage]

Had to get this off my chest

#you just don’t understand #how could you understand #you didn’t go through those horrible things #you weren’t the one who got treated like that #you didn’t go through that turmoil #you didn’t go through the same trauma I did #I hate that #no matter how I explain myself #some people will NEVER #understand #it makes me feel so misunderstood when I have a response to something and people just get confused #if you just KNEW how it felt back then maybe you would understand why I’m reacting this way #no amount of empathy can really make anyone get it #vent #tw vent #anxiety #tw anxiety #tw panic attack #panic attack #art #doodle #drawing #furry #furryart #fursona #digital art #furry fandom #furry art #furry anthro

[px-px-pc]

And i always wake up with the worst neck pain too

#girlblogging #hell is a teenage girl #girlhood #this is a girlblog #just girly things #this is what makes us girls #manic pixie dream girl #tumblr girls #girlblog #im just a girl #i’m just screaming into the void #hate school #falling asleep #im going insane #im just silly like that #im just talking to myself #i hate waking up early #going insane #girl things #pink aesthetic #my silly little posts #pink blog #pinkcore #i’m just a little guy #lana del rey #localy hated #pinterest #soft pink #girl blogger #blogging

[strawberrybyers]

yes i know they don’t film everything in order but lowkey stressed because what are they filming in episode 8 aka the final episode without finn wolfhard

#i know he’s not going to be in every scene but like i hate not knowing what’s going on 😭😭 #i knew finn hasn’t been filming! #and i’m going to tell myself that’s why there’s been no byler bts pics 🤪 #byler #finn wolfhard #stranger things