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bitchinbarzal · 8 months

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What you left behind | A Fantilli

based on this ask

You’d heard them talking about you at the Hobey award ceremony.

“I feel bad acting like everything’s ok! Y/N has no idea”

“Adam should’ve told her before she flew all the way out here”

“I can’t believe he’s breaking up with her”

Your heart dropped and you walked away before you heard anymore. You sat throughout the whole ceremony with a wary smile.

By the end of it you had excused yourself on account of not feeling well. You were so ill and knew fine well why but now this was making you feel worse.

When Adam did return to your hotel room that night, bustling around while you faced the wall in the darkness you were deciding if you wanted to address the situation or not.

It wasn’t until he got into bed that you spoke

“I know you want to break up with me”

Adam sighed and turned on the bedside light “Babe it’s not you-“

“Do not say it’s not you, it’s me! God, Adam I thought we were better than this!”

“I don’t want to hold you down while I’m away!”

You were now stood up from the bed “You want to go to Columbus! It’s like four hours from Ann Arbor!”

He groans “I could end up literally anywhere and I don’t, I don’t want to drag this relationship with me while I’m starting off in the NHL!”

You gasp lowly “You think this relationship is a drag? Adam there’s something-“

You were crying now, getting yourself upset thinking about how your entire world was crumbling around you.

“Listen let’s just call it ok? You’re clearly getting upset and-“

You laugh ironically “I am getting upset because my boyfriend is breaking up with me and I’m trying to tell him I’m p-“

“I get it, you’re pissed but I think this is for the best I’m going to stay in Luca’s room for the night” Adam finishes, almost infuriating you as he picks up his hoodie and phone before kissing your forehead and leaving the room.

When the door clicked shut you sat down on the bed and let out a shaky breath and placed your hand over your belly “It’s just me and you kid, eh?”

You were packed up and gone before Adam got back to the room the next morning, leaving him feeling somewhat disappointed.

He had tried to call but you’d blocked his number. Eventually he gave in and stop trying to contact you to apologize for how it all went down.

You on the other hand were too busy in the summer break preparing for the baby’s arrival in november.

It felt weird being home all summer. Typically you’d be spending your time split between vacations, lake houses and this year was supposed to be spent by Adam’s side as he was drafted.

Now you were knee deep in baby sleep suits, stuffed animals and diapers all needing to be organized into boxes.

The summer was hard, you’d been contemplating not going back to college now you would ultimately be single parenting and how difficult that was going to be.

It had taken a lot of thinking but you knew you couldn’t give up on school, not now you were all your daughter had.

The new school year looked a lot different. You’d moved out of dorms with your best friend and into your own apartment, you’d dropped out of your position as social admin of the hockey and lacrosse teams and even changed some of your classes to better align with better paid positions post graduate.

It only took the boys a day to notice your absence from the team.

“Where’s y/n? There’s no way she left us because Adam broke up with her!” Dylan whined as the team got changed after their first practice.

Luca just shrugged “I haven’t seen her, I don’t even know if she’s back this year”

“She wasn’t in our sports management class this morning” Mark adds “And her best friend has a new roommate”

Luca then became a little concerned. He’d gone from seeing you all day, everyday to not even knowing where you were.

That was until that evening at Tony’s, the pizza place you, Adam and Luca would go every Tuesday. It seemed as though you guys were keeping to the tradition as you both stood in line to order your pizza.

“Y/N?” You froze hearing his voice, slowly turning around with a coy smile

“Hey Luca” You reply sweetly, not missing how his eyes were now glued on your now seven month pregnant belly.

“Hey so-“

“You’re pregnant?”

You tut “Yeah it looks like it” you joke “so don’t judge when I tank a whole pizza alone I’m technically eating for two”

He softly laughs before he asks “Is it Adam’s?”

You can’t hide it and you know it so you nod “Yeah, it is”

You expect Luca to yell at you but he doesn’t. Instead he grumbles “and you didn’t tell him?!”

His anger takes you back a little and you sigh sadly “I tried Luca”

“Not very hard!”

The tears started the gather in your eyes as you thought back to that night you and Adam broke up and you tried to tell him about your little baby girl.

“Luca You don’t know anything ok? I tried to tell him but he was too busy breaking up with me! You know what Lu, pretend this interaction never happened!” You scoffed, taking off out of the restaurant.

Only five minutes after you got in your apartment the doorbell rang and you waddled to the front door, very unamused and hungry.

On the other side of the door stood Luca holding your order from Tony’s.

“I’ve got pizza?” He smiled and you gestured him in.

The two of you ate the pizza and garlic knots in silence until Luca asked

“Is It a boy or girl?”

You wiped your hands with a napkin before you said “A little girl”

He smiles “and you’re due?”

“November, middle of November”

He nods before he reaches across the table to squeeze your hand “I’m really sorry you’ve done this alone, but I’m sure Adam would want to know he has a daughter”

You retracted your hand from his and scoffed “He didn’t want to be ‘held down’ Luca! His words! So no, I’m not telling him because when I tried, he shut me down so this is his loss!”

Luca wanted to fight you, to stick up for his little brother but he knew better so he gave in. He knew which battle he wanted to pick

“Can I… can I be in her life? She is my niece after all I want to be in her life”

You softened “Of course you can Luca, you can be as involved with her as you want as long as you don’t tell your brother”

Luca reluctantly agrees and so he begins a part in this secret.

Over the following weeks he spent nights over at your house, helped you set up the nursery and was helping you study in your new classes.

He’d slowly stopped speaking to Adam as the secret was getting harder to keep and Adam had noticed.

When Luca didn’t go to Columbus with the rest of his family for Adam’s birthday, Adam knew something was wrong.

So when I’m November the blue jackets played Detroit, Adam, Nick and Kent took the trip to Ann Arbor to watch their old team play.

You wouldn’t have gone to the game that night had you known he would be there but it was too late. You saw him in the crowd. You’d been sitting in a seat, wearing Luca’s jersey so nobody else on the team could see your bump when you spotted Kent closely followed by Adam.

After that you made a mad dash out of Yost, but not before Adam saw you.

He watched you leave, watched you walk out and never said a thing. He had conflicted feelings about seeing you again. He knew it was a possibility but he didn’t know for sure not after his friends told him you’d basically distanced yourself so far from the team, what caught his eye though was his brothers name and number on the back of your jersey.

After the game Adam found his brother outside the locker room

Luca looked surprised to see him, looking around cautiously for someone else by the looks of it “Adam, what’re you doing here?”

“Dropping by to see the team, what’s wrong? You seem on edge? Looking for someone?” Adam wasn’t sly with his questions.

“No I just-“

“Not my ex girlfriend? Not Y/N? Who left by the way”

Luca looked panicked “you saw her?!”

“Yeah i saw her leaving, wearing your jersey! Dude are you fucking y/n? How could-“

Luca scoffs “I’m not fucking her!”

“Well what’s going on? You haven’t come to visit, we hardly talk, she’s walking around here in your jersey and you seem really agitated about her right now so cmon dude spill it! I’d rather you just told me straight but I’m gonna be mad you know I’m still in love with her!!”

Before Luca can even defend himself and you, his phone starts ringing. It’s you.

As soon as he picks up the phone he can hear you crying “what’s going on? Talk me y/n”

That peaks Adam’s interest.

“I fell Luca! I fell and I need to go to the hospital I’m bleeding-“

“I’m coming, I’m coming just hang in there you guys are gonna be ok is the ambulance there? Ok just go and I’ll meet you at the hospital”

Adam is traipsing behind him still demanding answers when Luca shouts “Just get in the car Adam! I don’t have time to deal with you right now”

Adam can feel Luca’s stress and it’s confusing him, a lot.

When they arrive at the hospital he finally asks “Why are we here? What is going on? Who’s hurt?”

Luca sighs, pinching his nose and just praying you’ll understand why he did it

“Y/N is pregnant” he states as if it was the simplest thing while Adam’s entire world just exploded.

He was still in love with you and you were having a baby.

“Is It yours?” Adam asked “Because if it is I’m gonna let you call mom before I fucking kill-“

Luca holds his hand up to his little brother “The baby is yours”

Adam is going through every emotion possible at the moment, stuttering out “Why didn’t you tell me? She didn’t-“

“She tried Adam, the day you broke up with her”

He feels horrible, he feels heartbroken.

“And Why are we at the hospital? Do we need to go in? Is she ok?”

“She said there’s been bleeding, that she fell after the game. That could be bad Adam so just don’t go in there guns blazing when she could have lost her baby”

Adam’s heart breaks even further for his baby; who’s existence he’s only known of for a minute who might now be dead.

The brothers make their way up to the ward and ask for you to which the nurse smiles sympathetically “It’s family only, sorry boys”

Luca hurries “He’s the babies dad, she’s pregnant-“

“Actually, miss y/l/n had a turn in the ambulance after she was picked up by paramedics and she is no longer pregnant” Adam and Luca both gasped lowly, heartbroken when the nurse continued “She delivered her babygirl in the ambulance on route here. Congratulations dad, head on down its room 103”

The two shared glances before Luca patted his little brother on the back “You’re a dad, man!”

“I’m a dad…” he repeats, almost in disbelief.

When Adam got to your room and walked in you were laying in the hospital bed holding your little girl in your arms mumbling something to her. When you looked up and saw Adam the smile on your face dropped

“What’re you-“

“Is she ok? Are you ok?” He interrupted, walking over to you both.

You looked surprised “Luca told you?”

He nods “the cliff notes, we were in a rush”

You nodded understandingly “She’s perfect, all eight pounds of perfection”

You watch Adam step closer and closer to you both when you say “Adam, do you want to hold her?”

He nods, sitting down in the chair next to your bed and taking her into his arms. You watch them as Adam whispers sweet words to her.

“Hi babygirl, I’m your daddy”

When he finally puts her in her bassinet, Adam turns to you “I’m so sorry you went through this all alone, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you that night and I’m sorry I just abandoned us… I regret it everyday”

You smile softly “Do you miss me?” It was a lighthearted jab but Adam grabs your hands, seriously and says “So much, everyday I’ve thought about what an idiot I was to let you go. The love of my life”

“Adam you really broke my heart, I’m not sure how I would’ve survived if it wasn’t for her” you say gesturing to the baby asleep next to you.

He squeezes your hands “I know and I can only apologise and beg you to understand I acted on stupid judgement. We could always make long distance work and you have never held me down ever, you make me a better person y/n, I guess now you both do”

Eventually around eleven your nurse manages to sneak Luca into your room. He fully expected you two at each others throats when he entered but instead he found you both sitting on your bed holding your daughter in your hands just adoring her.

“Hey guys, she’s beautiful y/n congratulations”

You smile “thanks uncle Lu”

“So what’s princess called?”

Adam looks at you to tell him and you take pleasure when you say “This is Lucia, her name is inspired by our role model. Both of us”

Luca crouches down by Lucia’s sleeping body and brushes his thumb over her cheek “Hi Lu, I’m your uncle Luca. I love You so much already and I don’t even know you yet”

Your head absentmindedly rested on Adams’s shoulder and he kissed the crown of your head and mumbled “My girls, my whole world”

#adam fantilli x reader #adam fantilli imagine #umich x reader #umich imagine

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callsign-relic · 8 months

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hi! Figured I’d throw out a request, can I request a GN!Human reader x TFP! Ratchet

maybe reader has arthritis in their knees and when the weather gets gross they have a hard time being mobile? Maybe just some comfort fluff for those of us who shouldn’t have arthritis early in life but do.

Hi!! I did my best to portray it as accurately as I could, but as I personally don’t have arthritis I do apologize if anything is inaccurate. If anything, I hope the hurt/comfort is enough :) and thank you for being my first TFP Ratchet request!! I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: SFW, GN!Human!Reader

Much to your displeasure, the gloomy weather outside looked as though it wasn’t going to let up anytime soon.

You enjoyed the arid conditions of Jasper, Nevada for the express reasons of the ease of your mobility. While you would always have your uncomfortable moments, you at least took comfort in the fact that they were lesser now that you lived in such a warm, dry environment.

That was, until it began to rain.

And it kept on raining.

And it persisted for almost a week now.

The humidity caused a constant ache within you, spreading all over your body. At first you thought you could tolerate it— power through until the weather started to clear and you could feel more like yourself again. But days passed, and the throbbing pain only got worse.

You sat carefully upon the couch within the Autobot base, trying to find any position that would at least somewhat alleviate your discomfort— unsuccessfully, might you add. The kids were all out at school and the Autobots were out on their rounds scouting for energon, so there was little you could find entertainment in in no one’s company.

Well, except for Ratchet, of course.

You had opted to stay behind on most Autobot missions, so you had grown fond of the grumpy old bot. While there were some days that you felt he wanted nothing to do with you— or any of the humans, for that matter— you could tell from his soft eyes and stifled smile the very next moment he laid his optics on you that he never really meant any harm from his outbursts. He had seen plenty of pain in his life, and you knew more than anyone that sometimes you can let your pain get the better of you.

Thus why you sit quietly up on the couch upon the catwalk, sucking air in through your teeth as you shift in your seat— trying to get into a more comfortable position but immediately regretting the decision. You can hear the soft sound of Ratchet shift in his spot before the main computer module as well, and as you raise your head to see if he was looking at you, you inadvertently end up instantly locking eyes with him.

Nervously, you chuckle and turn your gaze away. “Oops,” you mumble, hoping the medic brushes it off as easily as you were trying to in that moment.

However, the doctor is not so easily swayed. “Is something the matter?” His aged voice echoes throughout the otherwise silent base.

“Hm? Oh, nothing, Ratchet,” you did your best to act as nonchalantly as possible. “We just looked at each other at the same— ack—“ you cut yourself off as another stinging pain decides to run through you— aimed at your leg, this time. Near instantly, you can hear the sound of heavy footsteps make their way closer towards you, only further evidenced by the little quakes in the earth that quickly fall in time with them. You look up from the offending pained spot to lock eyes with Ratchet once more— faceplate right up against the balcony with optical ridges furrowed in concern.

“Is it happening again?”

The Autobots were indeed aware of your condition— varying levels of their understanding of it aside. It would’ve been unfair to them to not explain it to them. But as the medic of the group, Ratchet always seemed to pay closer attention than most whenever you expressed your discomfort. You always tried to brush it off, you knew they had much bigger things to worry about than a simple human condition, why did you have to impose upon them trivial issues like that? But Ratchet always paid close attention, and soon came to learn more about your condition than anyone on the base.

First, you opened your mouth to argue. But under the gentle blue light of his optics— optics which gazed down at you with a softness you never thought you would see from the mech— you slowly closed your mouth and slumped in your seat in defeat. “…yeah,” was all you could muster up to say.

Darkness casts itself over you for just a moment, and you barely have time to process your quickly changing surroundings as you’re lifted from your seat. Ratchet had reached over the yellow railings of the catwalk and scooped you up into a hand, pulling you closer towards him. “You should have told me sooner. I can’t believe you were in such pain for so long without saying anything about it.” His tone almost sounded like he was scolding you, but in your experience in speaking with him, you know that slight frustration was just his way of showing he truly cared.

You chuckle lightly to yourself, leaning into the well-formed crooks of his palm. Natural warmth emitted itself from the metal beneath you, and already you could feel your joints alleviating themselves from their previously tight, icky feeling. “Sorry,” You shrug, and Ratchet only offers a scoff. Slowly, you’re pulled further into his frame, and you have no choice but to spread your arms wide against the mech’s chassis. Warmth surrounds you at all sides, and you melt into this unorthodox embrace. His idly running engine rumbles against you in the best way.

“You’re sure this is okay?” You ask, “I know you’re busy. I don’t want to get in the way while you work…”

“I have two servos for a reason,” Ratchet’s voice grumbles above you as he starts back towards his work station. “And no team member will ever be below top working condition, as long as I have anything to say about it.”

#relic writes #Transformers #Transformers x reader #reader insert #Transformers Prime #TFP #Transformers Prime x reader #TFP x reader #ratchet x reader #TFP Ratchet x reader #TFP Ratchet

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tmagpposting · 3 months

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Alice’s Attitude

and why I don’t think it’s going to save her.

I haven’t seen a lot of people talking about the implication of Alice's attitude towards the incidents and horror elements so far, so I’m going to. Someone else may have already made a post about this, but I haven’t found anything yet, and I couldn’t find a way to get this out of my mind without writing it down. Naturally, I’m also going to inflict this long-winded and potentially needless analysis on all of you, since I spent 2 hours typing it out (sorry in advance). TW for blatant overuse of parentheticals and politics towards the end. This draws on content from TMAGP episodes 1-3 and TMA overall, particularly the series finale.

I feel like a lot of us going into TMAGP and having listened to TMA already were probably pleasantly surprised by Alice’s attitude of “The Horrors? Just say no!” since a lot of TMA revolved around the idea that curiosity and investigation of the fears usually doomed people to be consumed by one of them, as we saw with a lot of the Archive staff, particularly Jon. I certainly was. Though her ideas about how to deal with the incident reports are definitely somewhat callous, in the context of TMA, they feel very pragmatic, and I found myself thinking, “finally, a character who knows what genre she’s in and refuses to surrender to it.” I’ve been seeing a couple people agree with this, and say that her approach might even help her stay afloat when things start to escalate as the conflicts of TMAGP develop in the coming episodes. I thought that too, at least for a while.

After thinking about it for several days, I don’t think this is the case. Given TMA’s themes and propensity for tragedy, and Jonny’s approach to tackling social issues, I don’t think Alice’s apathy is going to save her. In fact, I think it’s potentially going to be the character flaw that will doom her in the first place.

1. Alice already cares (not about the horrors, but about people)

To start with, I’d like to point out that Alice will only be able to maintain her apathy to a limited extent, and when people she cares about start being harmed, she is going to get involved. In fact, we can already see this happening. Ep 3 notably starts and ends with Alice making a plan to get Central IT involved in looking into their computers, when she tries to mention them to Colin in the first scene, and when she asks Sam to call them on her behalf in the final scene. I’d argue that the issue comes up because she’s concerned about Colin more than fixing the OIAR’s computers. She tells Sam it’s because Colin may not be able to handle FR3-D1 as well as he thinks he can since he’s been working on it forever with very little positive progress, but given the additional context of the starting scene, I think it’s reasonable to assume she also wants to meddle for Colin’s sake. In the first scene of ep 3, she seemingly talks more softly/slowly than usual (to me, it sounds like she’s trying to be soothing when compared to how she normally talks, even outside of the times she’s actually soothing FR3-D1), she doesn’t make too many digs at Colin as he sounds increasingly stressed, and she asks gently and subtly about calling Central IT for help when she is generally pretty direct when she seriously wants something (like all the times she repeatedly shuts down Sam’s questions because she wants him to stay out of danger). It sounds like she’s trying to slip it in as a half-joke, but Colin treats it as a genuine suggestion when he usually either brushes off her jokes or plays into them instead, so I think it was her actual intent to involve Central IT even at that point. Furthermore, Gwen tells Sam something along the lines of “Alice is the only one [Colin] tolerates” in a previous episode, they have good banter throughout so far, and Colin’s explosive reaction to Sam mentioning the app completely deflates when he learns it was Alice’s idea. All of this seemingly demonstrates a bond that goes pretty far beyond what I’d think of as a basic work relationship with no actual friendship involved. Colin is already pretty deep into investigating FR3-D1 to the point that it’s probably going to be detrimental for him based on him threatening/ranting at the computers in the first episode, and Alice is already trying to intervene on his behalf. Simply put, she is doing a pretty bad job of pretending not to care and staying out of it so far, and we’re only 3 episodes in.

With that in mind, I don’t even think Colin will be the primary reason she’ll get involved as the series goes on, and I actually think Sam is being set up to be the one to draw her into much of the conflict. She cares enough about Sam to find him a job when he’s having a rough time, based on their conversation in the bar, and she tells him not to care about the incidents precisely because she cares about him, and doesn’t want him to get sucked in and hurt by them. With Sam’s propensity for curiosity established and likely being set up to be one of his fatal flaws, Alice will probably get drawn into the conflict whether she likes it or not if/when Sam goes digging and actually stumbles on something dangerous later on. As a side note, I really do think Sam’s curiosity is being set up to be something big here, since he repeatedly wants to look into the Magnus Institute and says it’s a “blast from the past,” he wonders about how the code system works and how it could be improved, and he’s generally shown to ask a lot of questions about the OIAR, Gwen’s backstory, etc. He asks about things more often than I think he would if his questions were purely an expositional device for the audience and not actual characterization (I could make a post just about this, but I think other people have definitely already done that). Finally, our very first introduction to Alice as a character in TMAGP shows her trying and failing to be glib and uncaring about Teddy leaving, where she jokes with him casually before admitting, sincerely and somewhat hesitantly, “I’m gonna miss you.” If her failing to not care about something in the opening scene of the entire series isn’t going to turn out to be important, if not Jonny Sims style foreshadowing of some kind, I’ll eat my hat.

2. Apathy kind of sucks, actually (thematically and otherwise)

Alice being saved by her refusal to care, assuming she manages to maintain it, feels too much like an easy out for the kinds of stories TMA was trying to tell, and clashes with its sensibilities in my opinion. A lot of people fall into the trap of nihilistic apathy when thinking about the state of the world right now, and TMA even acknowledged this in the series with the Extinction beginning to emerge as a new entity/fear. Between worsening climate change, the gradual rise of bigotry and the increasing trend toward fascism in the western world (especially america, it sucks here), escalating international conflict, poverty and the worsening cost/standard of living, like the fact that a majority of people my age will probably never own a house and our college debt is going to eat us alive, etc., it feels like we’re all circling the drain and no one with the power to help is interested in doing anything other than making it worse to make themselves money. A lot of people think the only way to cope with that is to decide to not give a shit, which is a pretty natural response to being constantly confronted with worse and worse news every year that shows no sign of stopping. This has also naturally inspired a lot of doomerism and a rise in insincerity/irony poisoning and cynicism in popular culture that’s really hard to escape even if you avoid the news entirely.

However, the idea that not giving a shit about the problems in the world can somehow spare you from them is a) ludicrous, since they won’t go away if you decide to ignore them (a majority of the TMA statement givers didn’t previously know or care about the fears, and they got screwed over regardless), and b) definitely not supported by TMA’s cannon or themes. Surrendering to the idea of your own helplessness is precisely what TMA ends by specifically not doing. Jon sunk into a hopeless state of mind throughout S5, with the culmination of this process being his proposal to let the world end and allow the End to consume everything, including the rest of the fears. It wasn’t necessarily that Jon didn’t care or was apathetic, especially since one of his primary motivation was to avoid inflicting the fears on another universe, rather, he didn’t think anything could be done to stop the fears from destroying his world or whatever world they ended up in, which is the same deterministic mindset that Alice’s style of apathy stems from (“I can’t change or fix it, so I don’t care”). The other characters refusing this course of action and banishing the fears is what ultimately spares TMA’s universe from the sort of extinction it would’ve had if they’d accepted that it was hopeless and Jon had gone through with what he wanted. TMA ends with the central takeaway that you can’t give in to the idea you won’t be able to fix things because then you won’t try, and shows the characters subverting their helplessness and actually solving the problem of the fears by getting rid of it at the source (the ethics of sending the fears somewhere else are definitely debatable, but that’s a totally different post). The idea that Alice could be saved from the consequences of the problems in TMAGP’s world by choosing not to care flies in the face of the conclusion to the previous series. Alice’s refusal to care won’t save her from whatever TMAGP has in store, and judging by the events of TMA, fatalism and apathy might even seal her fate.

Some of these points of evidence might be a little bit basic “water is wet” types of statements and I probably could’ve explained this in half the time, but I really do think that Alice’s apathy isn’t going to turn out to be very useful to her and I wanted to include everything I could think of that led me to believe that.

TLDR, Alice is just as screwed as the rest of the cast, if not more so, and her attitude is not going to get her out of it.

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soobpricity · 5 months

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this love - kang taehyun

letter 1 ; in which you took my breath away , my future princess

synopsis: what happens when soccer player!kang taehyun, who isn’t focused on school but is smart enough to pass, sees yn walk in the hallways nearly everyday after homecoming. taehyun’s new hallway crush begins to grow into something bigger, but what happens when he has to make a choice between yn or continuing to fail school ? will taehyun be able to focus on sports, classes, and trying to win yn over ?

taehyun carried his lunch tray, slightly icky looking food. but taehyun was quite hungry, he was sure he could devour the meal that sat on his plate even if it didn’t look or maybe even taste all that appetizing. he walked behind his friends, following yeonjun to their circular lunch table, chatter filling the large room.

you, on the other hand, were surrounded by your lovely friends. just getting in the lunch line, wide smiles written down on your face. excited to get closer and closer to the rather lovely smell of the food. while most seemed to either like or dislike the food, you had a somewhat biased opinion due to your hungry nature especially as you lacked any kind of food in the morning. you did eat breakfast… but it wasn’t the typical eggs and bacon with a side of stacked pancakes and fruits that your classmates seemed to consume nearly every morning. to be fair, you didn’t mind, as long as you had some kind of nutrition in your body for the morning.

you walked with your friends, waiting patiently and observing the way that sunghoon tried to sneak his way further into the line, until he noticed that you weren’t following behind him, returning back to you.

“oh yn ! how do you think you did on the econ test ?” ning ning sneakily questioned, trying to keep an ear out to hear if you’d give off any answers.

“ooh ! actually i was pretty nervous for it, but it was pretty good. she even gave my class an extra credit opportunity !” you grinned, talking to your friends about all the class work that you had achieved throughout the morning, claiming to have had a rather productive morning.

taehyun had a small smile on his face, taking a seat in between yeonjun and hueningkai, across from him sat soobin who stayed silent. it was a normal day for taehyun, feeling a bit more positive than other days as he felt quite excited for a game night that he had in a few days.

“oh! taehyun, coach said that he wanted to talk to you.” kai broke the silence, looking over at taehyun as he began to eat his food. “he didn’t say what for, but i think it was pretty important because he seemed kind of upset.”

“hmm..? that’s weird, i haven’t done anything wrong recently..” taehyun pondered, mindlessly going back to the food tray that was right in front of him.

taehyun continued to chat with his friends, ignoring the slight worry that rested on his mind. he might’ve seemed like he truly had no idea what was happening or what his coach wanted to talk to him about, but in reality, he had a slight knowing feeling in his gut…

the bell rang, notifying the students to return to their respective classrooms. a few more hours left before everyone would be graced with the news that they were allowed to go back home. taehyun kept a brave face on, making his way to the gym, catching the attention of his coach, who was supervising his own students.

“taehyun, huening kai told you to come ?” he asked, not making any sort of eye contact with him. keeping his eyes on the game of dodgeball that his students were keeping him entertained with, slight anger detected in each throw of a ball.

“yes, coach, you needed to see me ?” taehyun questioned, a bit of nervousness in his voice. looking over at where his coach looked off towards.

“y’know you’re failing all your classes ?”

“uhmm-“

“and you’re graduating this year, aren’t you ?”

“yes-“

“how are you going to graduate this year if you’re not trying at all in your classes taehyun ? i’m supposed to encourage you to study, and you should.. because taehyun, if you don’t get your grades up as soon as possible.. i won’t hesitate to put you on the bench for the rest of the season.”

“but-“

“no buts, taehyun, get your grades improved, and if you need help then great because i have the person just for you.”

©️soobpricity

this love taglist : @run2seob @soobadooba @soobnuuy @pockychuwu @crazynyctophilia @rencarnationofangel @esther-kpopstan @mrsyawnzzn @matcha-binz

an : heheh this love has officially started !! 🤭🤭

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projectionistwrites · 1 year

Text

EQUIFINALITY | SPRING

PART TWO, sequel to GESTALT

Joel Miller x afab!reader (6.2k+)

RATING: EXPLICIT (18+, mdni) WARNINGS: angst, grief, graphic depictions of injury & medical treatment, discussions about murder & death, age gap (not mentioned), allusions to smut DISCLAIMER: although this is a continuation of my series titled GESTALT, it could potentially be read as a standalone. however, i strongly suggest reading the first series to provide context for the reunion and background on the relationships between the characters. this part is genuinely upsetting, i’m sorry in advance. NOTES: this part takes place after the finale episode, when ellie and joel return to jackson.

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He slept for almost 36 hours straight when they finally arrived back in Jackson.

He at least had the mind to shower before he collapsed into the mattress—scrubbing away the accumulation of filth and grime that his body had collected throughout the course of the past few months with Ellie. He spent an unreasonable amount of time picking at the dried blood beneath his fingernails—mostly because he wasn’t sure if it was his own, or someone else’s.

He nearly pissed himself when something smacked him on the backside of the head, startling him awake with a jolt and immediately forcing him into a sitting position.

When he regained his bearings, he saw Ellie standing next to the bed with a cheeky grin on her face, the pillow she’d hit him with clutched tightly in her hands. Joel reached a hand to cradle the back of his head, still reeling from the sudden and abrupt intrusion on his rest.

“Now why the hell would you go and do a thing like that?”

He tried to sound angry, intimidating, but his grogginess created a more bewildered tone than anything. Ellie snickered wickedly, her eyes lit up with mischief.

“I was making sure you weren’t fuckin’ dead. You’ve been asleep for more than a day.”

Joel’s eyes darted from her figure out towards the window, where the afternoon sun was just beginning to fall, the horizon line painted with fiery shades of crimson and gold. His brow furrowed.

“We got in early this mornin’, what are you even talking about?”

He laid back down with a grunt, making a move to roll over and get some more shut-eye, but Ellie grabbed his shoulder and forced him to stay facing her.

“No, genius. We got in early yesterday morning.”

He slowly pulled himself upright in bed, again, face pinched together in confusion.

“No, that’s not—no.”

He insisted, although he forced himself to shimmy from beneath the covers and onto his feet, walking towards the window to gaze outside more closely.

Ellie watched his movements with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

“Seems like you really needed the sleep, huh, Joel?”

His brain felt foggy, muddied with exhaustion. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d allowed himself to sleep freely—but in the comfort of a home, with four walls and a roof, an inviting mattress with somewhat intact blankets, he finally succumbed to the fatigue that consumed him.

Joel startled when Ellie lightly smacked the pillow against his back in an effort to regain his attention.

“Your brother’s waiting for you outside. I would’ve let you sleep forever, but he told me to come wake you up.”

He ran a tired hand down his face before he settled both hands on his hips, looking down at Ellie just as her lips curled into a teasing grin.

“Besides, your girlfriend is worried about you.”

Joel blinked, his brows lowering into a glare that he aimed towards the girl.

“Knock it off. Go tell Tommy I’ll be there in five minutes.”

When she finally left him in peace, her footsteps fading down the staircase with heavy stomps, Joel sat back down on the edge of the bed, trying to quell the headache that was already forming behind his eyes. Christ, he’d really slept that long?

His mind flickered to you. He hadn’t seen you since he'd returned—of course, you were the first thing on his mind when he’d passed through the gates of Jackson, but he was too ashamed to face you. Your most recent interaction hadn’t been particularly friendly, and he wasn’t quite sure how you’d react to seeing him, even several months later.

But Ellie had already stopped in to see you—he caught sight of the butterfly bandages placed atop the gouge in her forehead, holding the wound closed with precision. He imagined the gentleness in your fingers as you’d treated the wound, the fondness in your eyes that undoubtedly sparked when you spoke with the girl—the same look you’d once held for Sarah.

With a grunt, he pushed himself to his feet again, slipping a flannel over his black t-shirt and lacing up his boots. Much to his surprise, he found himself pausing in the entrance of the bathroom to check his appearance. There was a toothbrush, and toothpaste, and he allowed himself to indulge in the amenities the quaint household provided—rinsing his face with cool water, putting on deodorant, combing through his grown-out hair with his fingers. God, when was the last time he’d actually thought about how he looked? You always brought out the strangest parts of him.

Tommy lifted a brow when his brother finally exited the front door, closing it shut behind him.

“Mornin’, sunshine.”

He teased, smirking lightly at Joel. The man rolled his shoulders back, feeling his joints pop and his bones creak in protest. He cracked his neck before fixing his eyes on Tommy.

“Why’d you let me sleep so long?”

Tommy chuckled, beginning to trek towards the town square with Joel trailing closely behind.

“I know how you are about keepin’ watch while you’re out there. When’s the last time you got more than a few hours of shut-eye?”

Joel didn’t reply, which was enough of a response for Tommy to know his assumptions had been correct.

“Where’s Ellie?”

He asked finally, immediately noticing the lack of the girl’s presence—especially considering that they hadn’t been apart for practically a year.

“At the stables. She likes helpin’ out there, gets along with the horses.”

Joel hummed in response.

They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence, interrupted only by the crackling of gravel beneath their uniformed footfalls.

Tommy walked him right to the entrance to the MEDICAL facility.

“She don’t wanna see me.”

Joel grumbled, and although his eyes were cast to the ground, they quickly shot up to stare at his brother at the sound of his incredulous laughter. Tommy shook his head at him.

“Oh, please. She’s been worryin’ herself sick over your sorry ass.”

Joel’s expression softened a bit at Tommy’s admission, and the nerves that were clinging to his insides were briefly replaced with a pang of guilt. His brother sighed, leaning in a bit closer and lowering his voice.

“Look, you didn’t hear this from me, alright? But—about three days after you took off, she tried to follow you.”

Joel felt his jaw go slack at the information, his fingers clenching into fists at his sides.

Tommy took notice of his reaction, but continued nonetheless.

“Tried to sneak out between guard shifts. Luckily Maria and I caught her in time—I had a feelin’ she'd pull somethin’ like that, but—she was a wreck, Joel. Haven’t seen her so upset since her momma’s funeral.”

Joel’s eyes fell to the ground once more, his throat feeling hoarse with emotion. He didn’t deserve that. You shouldn’t have been willing to risk your life for him. Not after everything he’d done.

Tommy clapped a hand onto Joel shoulder.

“Go on, man. She’ll be glad to see you’re still kickin’—and she’ll be able to help you with all your...”

Tommy gestured to Joel’s face with a vague wave of his hand, referencing the various nicks and bruises he’d acquired along his journey.

Joel watched his brother walk away from him, hands sitting heavy in his pockets.

Someone exiting the clinic brought his attention back to the building in front of him—he watched a teenage girl with ginger hair shuffle out of the door, a plastic baggy of feminine products clutched tightly in her hands.

Joel reached to hold the door open for her, and she offered him a brief grateful smile before departing, leaving the man to enter the waiting room with his stomach churning with nerves.

There were people in there, this time. An older gentleman in a rocking chair, a dated magazine held in front of his face, and a young Asian man sitting behind the makeshift reception counter. The boy smiled meekly as Joel cautiously walked further into the place.

“Welcome in. You’re... Joel, right?”

He asked, brows raised knowingly. Joel nodded, a bit surprised that his name was already known to someone outside of his immediate circle.

The boy turned to the other occupant of the room.

“Hey, Ron? Do you mind coming back in tomorrow morning? Doc said that him and the girl get priority treatment.”

The boy jutted his thumb towards Joel in reference, and he stuttered.

“Wha—no, I don’t need—”

“No problem, Ian. Let ‘er know I stopped by, okay? Just wanted her to check on my bum shoulder.”

Ron accepted the news graciously, a bit overzealous for what the situation called for. He stood to take his leave, offering a crooked smile to the two other men.

“Tell Y/N I said to have a good night.”

He winked playfully, and Joel’s nose crinkled slightly, although Ian just laughed it off.

“You got it, sir.”

The bell chimed when the door shut behind Ron, and Ian turned back to Joel.

“She’ll just be another minute.”

He assured, subtly hinting that Joel could take a seat somewhere in the waiting room. The man awkwardly nodded in thanks before slowly making his way over to the nearest piece of furniture. Just as he went to sit himself down on the worn leather sofa, the door to the office pushed open.

“—and just let me know if you’re feeling any more discomfort, okay? Hopefully those meds will help, but if not, we can try something a little stronger.”

Your voice spilled from the open doorway, your figure following closely behind a middle-aged woman whose arm was in a sling.

“Thanks, doc, I appreciate it.”

The woman smiled, and Joel watched your eyes crinkle as you grinned in return.

“Hey, it’s no problem, really. Can’t wait to hear more about the harvest yields for this Spring.”

You sounded sincere, but Joel knew you well enough to recognize the slight sarcastic lilt to your tone, and he felt the corner of his lip twitch upward at your feigned enthusiasm.

The woman nodded gratefully, opening her mouth as if to continue the aforementioned conversation, but then your eyes flitted to Joel’s awaiting figure and you lifted a hand to cut her off.

“Sorry, Opal, but I’ve got another patient to get to. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

You were gentle but firm, and the woman nodded in understanding, eyes passing over Joel briefly before she offered a modest farewell and exited the facility.

The air stagnated between the two of you, eyes simply drinking each other in without words being spoken. After a few tense moments of silence, your face turned towards Ian, although your eyes were still trained on Joel’s face.

“Hey, kid, thanks for your help today. Why don’t you head out early and enjoy the nice weather?”

Ian’s head perked up at your suggestion.

“Really? You sure?”

You glanced at him finally, smiling softly.

“Of course. This’ll be my last client for the day, anyhow. And don’t worry, I’ll still mark you off for the full shift.”

You offered, and the boy thanked you once more before grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair and following in Opal’s steps as he pushed through the door.

You were alone.

Joel didn’t know what to say, but luckily, you offered him some reprieve by breaking the silence yourself.

“So. I see you’re out of hibernation.”

Your right brow quirked upward slightly, the scar on your face creasing as you smirked teasingly at him. He felt himself grow bashful.

“Yeah, I—I guess I didn’t realize how tired I was ‘til I woke up a day and a half later.”

The angelic sound of your laughter was divine as you regarded him softly, a warm smile lighting up your features.

“Hey, your body obviously needed the sleep. Heard you’ve been through Hell and back since the last time I saw you.”

His face darkened slightly, his features turning stony. He shifted his gaze away from your face, knowing that you were the only person capable of cracking him open with just a single glance.

“What all did she tell you?”

He asked quietly, referring to Ellie. You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back against the doorframe.

“Most of it, I think.”

Joel rolled his eyes, a low groan of annoyance escaping him.

“Can never keep her fuckin’ mouth shut.”

He mumbled to himself, but you obviously heard.

“Hey, don’t be mad at her. Like I told you before, I’m easy to talk to. That’s part of my job, anyway—70 percent doctor, 20 percent therapist.”

Your smile was lopsided as you joked with him.

“What about the other ten?”

He questioned, feeding into your playful banter. You laughed.

“Ten percent is me pretending to know what the fuck I’m doing.”

A small smile invaded his face before he could stop it, and you reciprocated the gesture, your eyes twinkling with triumph at your ability to make the seemingly unbreakable man surrender his defenses, even if just for a second.

You gestured with a slight nod of your head for him to join you in the examination room—you were a bit embarrassed with yourself when you felt your heart rate pick up when Joel started walking towards you, your face flushing when he briefly towered over you while brushing past through the door.

Without any prompting, he found his place on the steel exam table without complaint. You let the door click shut behind you as you walked towards your desk, grabbing a pair of latex gloves.

“Heard someone tried to use you for batting practice.”

You started, making your way towards him on the table. He shook his head slightly at your joke, his hand instinctually reaching up to rest over where the wound was still healing.

“Yeah. It—well, wasn’t great. Got infected, too. Told Ellie she shoulda come back here and left me, but she’s too damn stubborn for her own good.”

“Hmm. Sounds a lot like someone else I know.”

You teased, stopping a few feet in front of him. He rolled his eyes.

“Can you take of your shirt?”

Your question startled him, his body tensing as he lips parted slightly, brows furrowed as he studied your face. Your inquiry was serious, he realized.

“What—I don’t—”

You genuinely hadn’t comprehended the implications of your statement—it was just standard protocol; you needed to examine his injury. But you saw a blush creeping up his cheeks beneath his patchy beard, and your body mimicked the response.

“Sorry. I mean—you don’t have to, but I need to see how everything’s healing up. You can just lift it up if that’d make you more comfortable.”

A wicked retort sprang to his mind and rolled over his tongue—he didn’t even realize he’d said it out loud until he watched your eyes widen at his words.

“If you wanted to see me naked, all you had to do was ask.”

Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Joel’s own eyes widened as his inhale turned sharp, surprised and somewhat appalled with himself. Your expression mirrored his own, heat pooling in your cheeks as you froze, paralyzed.

“Shit, Y/N, I’m sorry, that just—dunno why I said that, just reminded me of that time you—”

“I remember.”

You cut him off curtly, face and neck stinging with embarrassment. It was a call back to one of your prior shameless flirtation attempts when you were young—the same night your mother died, the same night he kissed you for the very first time.

“I’m… surprised, that you do.”

His brows furrowed at that. An ache settled somewhere within his ribcage, squeezing around his heart.

“Darlin’—I remember everythin’. All of it.”

You looked away, trying to keep yourself in the present moment—you could feel yourself slipping back into your memories, the night he’d left you, cold and alone on your living room floor. The things he’d said. The truth he’d spilled.

Joel squeezed his eyes shut, taking a slow deep breath to combat his own humiliation. Before he could wallow in anticipation any longer, he shouldered off his red flannel and lifted the black undershirt over his head, setting it at his side.

Oh, God, you felt faint. Nauseous, even. How many times had you thought about this? Sure, you’d seen Joel shirtless on a couple occasions—at the pool a few times, when he just rolled out of bed in the morning, when the Texas heat was too unbearable. But that was years ago. And now—it felt different, now. More intimate.

You took in a deep breath, walking towards him with purpose. Focus, damnit. This is your job.

But you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the newly exposed skin of his torso. His chest was smattered with faint salt-and-pepper curls, his skin peppered with white scars and abrasions that contrasted the tan of his skin. The muscles of his pectorals flexed, and your eyes wandered over the soft expanse of his stomach, before settling in on the wound on his lower right side.

“Can you lie back for me?”

Your words sounded somewhat breathless, and you cleared your throat, tearing your gaze away from his chest to meet his eyes. There was doubt swirling behind them, insecurity, and your heart yearned to comfort him, to press your lips to every inch of skin and assure him that he’s still as beautiful as he was twenty years ago, your feelings hadn’t changed, Joel, I still love—

Joel heeded your request, turning to the side and cautiously lowering himself down onto his back, the cold steel like ice against his skin, causing him to hiss.

You inhaled through your nose when you finally approached him, closing the gap and leaning in to inspect the area more closely.

It was healing up well, all things considered. The skin surrounding the wound was inflamed, but it certainly could be worse. However, the crude blue thread that had been used to stitch his skin closed was mildly concerning to you.

Joel felt your hair tickle against the skin of his abdomen, the light brush of your gloved fingers tracing over the afflicted area.

He stared up at the ceiling, trying not to focus on the way your hot breath felt against his lower stomach. The last time you’d been this close to him, you were on your knees between his legs the night before his birthday.

“You know,”

He started softly, mulling the words over in his mind before speaking.

“you seem to remember more than I thought you did, too.”

Your breath caught in your throat, your fingers stilling over his skin at his statement. You knew exactly what he was referring to—the confession you’d regrettably included in the farewell letter you’d given him before he left Jackson with Ellie. You probably shouldn’t have remembered, but it was hard not to—the rest of that night was a blur, sure, your memory clouded over from the mixture of liquor and drugs in your bloodstream, but you couldn’t forget the way he’d laid beside you, his lips brushing over your fingers, your hands tracing the outline of his face so you could commit it to memory, keep it close to you. The promise he’d made.

“S’all I’ve ever wanted, Joel. All I think I’ll ever want—to be with you.”

You’d confessed with bleary eyes.

“Will you kiss me, Joel?”

The tenderness in his eyes suffocated you, smothering you with the uncharacteristic softness of his gaze.

“Tell you what,”

he’d said.

“You close your eyes, and keep ‘em closed for five minutes, and I’ll kiss you.”

“I’m gonna have to remove the stitches.”

You stated, tone suddenly cold and matter-of-fact as you pulled yourself out of your recollection.

His head lifted to look at you just as you turned towards the shelf on the wall, retrieving some supplies and setting them on a metal surgical tray.

“Why? S’healin’ fine.”

He insisted, and you pursed your lips, sliding the cart closer to you so you’d have the supplies at the ready.

“We can keep them in, if you really want, but that could lead to some serious complications down the road. This is sewing thread, Joel, it won’t dissolve on it’s own. If your skin heals over it, it could lead to more infection and a nasty looking scar.”

He grunted in acknowledgement, not particularly excited about the prospect of reopening an old wound, picking at the scab. If only he knew that’s exactly what he was forcing you to do...

“Joel? Is that okay? I’ll numb it first.”

You slid your office chair up towards his face, leaning over him slightly to catch his eyes. Your silhouette was framed by the harsh light behind your head, creating a fuzzy halo of glow around you. He nodded dumbly, somewhat hypnotized by your proximity—shit, he’d let you do just about anything to him if you looked at him like that.

He watched you slide back down towards his waist, your hand dipping into the half-empty tub of lidocaine ointment and swiping a generous amount on your index finger. Joel hissed when the cooling sensation hit his skin, your touch smoothing it over his tender flesh carefully.

“Sorry.”

You whispered absentmindedly, reaching for your forceps and a pair of small medical scissors.

“Let me know if it hurts, okay? The internal abrasion seems to be healed, it’s just the entrance wound left. It shouldn’t bleed too much and you shouldn’t be able to feel it, but there might be a slight pinching sensation. Okay?”

“Jesus, you sound like a real doctor.”

He chuckled quietly to himself, folding his hands atop his chest and trying to relax as he felt you move towards the wound. You let out a breath of a laugh.

“Yeah, well, maybe not officially licensed, but by apocalypse standards…”

Your forceps tucked beneath the loop of the first suture, gently coaxing it out from beneath the scar tissue. His abdominal muscles rippled, but you forced yourself to focus.

“I’m about as qualified as they come.”

He let you work in silence for the most part, teeth gritted and jaw clenched tightly as you pulled each stitch out cautiously. He definitely wasn’t gonna admit to you that he could feel each pull of string beneath his skin, tugging against the tender flesh of his insides.

“Ellie didn’t do half bad.”

You chuckled slightly, discarding another removed stitch on your tray.

“Might be givin’ me a run for my money.”

You heard Joel huff.

“Yeah, well, lemme tell you—you’ve certainly got a gentler touch, that’s for sure.”

That earned a giggle from you, although you immediately quieted when Joel grunted in pain as the stitch you were working on got caught on the edge of his torn skin.

“Shit, sorry.”

You whispered, one hand reaching to soothingly rub across the healthy, untarnished skin just above the wound, on his lower stomach. Joel squeezed his eyes shut tightly at the feeling of your fingers brushing across his navel, his brows pinched with pain. Or, at least, you thought it was pain. He knew differently.

When you got down to the final two sutures, your eyes grew soft.

“You’re lucky to be alive, cowboy.”

Your breathy laugh was humorless, more an expression of disbelief than humor. He shook his head in acknowledgement, humming.

“Believe me. Say that to myself that every damn day.”

“No, Joel.”

His head lifted at the sincerity in your tone as you removed the final stitch. You reached for a sterile piece of gauze, soaking it in antiseptic solution before carefully wiping away the blood that had begun to seep from the site of the removed suture.

“This... this should’ve killed you.”

His features softened just slightly as the severity of your remark dawned on him. He knew you were probably right. He’d felt himself slipping several times when he was fighting for his life on that dingy mattress in that musty basement—but he always pulled himself back.

“Couldn’t let that happen.”

He admitted quietly, letting his muscles final relax as you finished cleaning up his injury.

“Ellie... she needed me.”

You were silent as you moved to dispose of the used supplies, putting the rest back in the rightful spots on the shelf.

Joel watched your movements carefully, the contortion of your shoulder blades beneath your deep purple scrubs as you reached up on your tiptoes to put something on a high shelf. When you’d finished, you paused for a moment with your back facing him. He saw your fists clenching and unclenching rhythmically at your sides.

“M’sorry, Joel.”

You finally spoke, voice quiet.

“About everything I said. I shouldn’t have—”

“You were right.”

Joel Miller wasn’t sure he’d ever said those words aloud before—he was never one to admit he was wrong or own up to his mistakes, too prideful and headstrong for his own good. You turned to face him, your eyes cloudy as they scanned his face, scrutinizing his features carefully. He propped himself up on his elbows.

“About Ellie. About—about me. Wouldn’t’ve been able to live with myself if somethin’ had happened to her, if I hadn’t been there. I almost—”

He felt tears spring to his eyes as he thought back on the moment Ellie had rushed into his arms, face speckled with blood.

“—almost lost her, and I couldn’t—”

“—I know.”

You cut him off softly, taking a few steps towards him to sit back down in your chair and roll closer to him. He was grateful that you’d granted him a reprieve from speaking. He rapidly blinked back the tears flooding him.

“She told me. About—about David.”

Joel’s brows lifted, his eyes on yours.

“She did?”

He asked, slightly breathless and entirely surprised.

“She never—I still don’t know everythin’ that happened, she didn’t wanna talk—”

“I think that’s probably for the best.”

You nodded sadly, and Joel watched the movement of your arm as it lifted and reached for his hand, fingers wrapping around his comfortingly. The feeling of your soft skin against the callousness of his palm made his pulse jump.

“I’m—I’m glad she told you.”

He started slowly, eyes still fixated on your intertwined fingers.

“Glad she has someone to talk to.”

Your grin was small, but genuine, and you lifted your other hand to clasp his between both of your own.

“It’s good to get that stuff of your chest.”

You agreed, and Joel nodded quietly, letting his head fall back against the steel table as he stared up at the ceiling. Your next words made him falter.

“Speaking of… you ever gonna tell anyone what really happened in Salt Lake City?”

Joel’s neck almost snapped with how quickly he turned to stare at you. His mouth fell open, and you quickly backtracked at his abrupt reaction, pulling your hands away.

“I mean—it doesn’t have to be me, I’m just sayin’—it’s not good for you, to carry that all by yourself. That shit’s gonna eat you alive.”

His mind was racing, thoughts stumbling over each other at a mile per minute. You must’ve interpreted his silence as disapproval, because you sighed as you rolled your chair across the room towards your desk, busying yourself with the papers that were scattered about.

Joel pushed himself upward into a sitting position, his legs dangling off the side and his back leaning against the wall. He watched you carefully, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth as he reeled.

You cautiously breached the silence that permeated the room, although you still pretended to be preoccupied with another task.

“Ellie told me what you’d said—about what happened. They stopped lookin’ for a cure, there were others who were immune. Who knows, maybe that really is the truth, but I feel like I know you better than that, and I—”

“I killed them.”

It was barely above a whisper, his confession, but you heard it loud and clear. The statement rang through your ears like a church bell, vibrating within your skull. You froze, slowly turning to face Joel once again. He seemed to be staring straight through you, his face set in resolution and jaw rippling as he continued.

“All of ‘em. They—they were gonna kill ’er. The fungus, it’s—s’in her brain, they said the only way to get a sample was to... to—”

You nodded knowingly, standing up from your chair to approach him slowly, your eyes soft and sympathetic. He felt gross, disgusting, repulsive, your gaze far too tender for the atrocities he was admitting to. His breath hitched caught in his throat when he tried to speak again, the tears he had been rapidly blinking away gathering back in his waterline.

“I couldn’t—I couldn’t let them do that, I couldn’t. I mean—she’s just a kid, they didn’t understand, and—they wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I had—had to go through them, it was the only way—only way to save ‘er."

A tear fell from his left eye, overflowing until it slipped down the side of his cheek. He reached up to swipe it away as you finally reached him. You were paused in front of him, standing between his widely spread legs. Your eyes never wandered from his.

You knew what he meant—knew deep down why he did what he did, even if he wouldn’t or couldn’t admit it. He’d lost Sarah. He couldn’t lose another daughter. Not on his watch.

He flinched away when your hand reached up to cradle his face, your thumb swiping over his tear-stained cheek as your fingers slipped behind his ear, threading into his hair. No, you shouldn’t be touching him, he didn’t deserve your pity—

“You can’t tell her.”

He suddenly begged, his hand reaching up to grab your wrist desperately, his eyes wide and pleading.

“She can never know, Y/N, she’d never forgive me, I need you to—“

“It’s alright, cowboy. You have my word. Okay?”

The self-hatred he felt was sickening him, festering deeply in the pit of his stomach even as your thumb rubbed soothingly against his cheek, over his graying beard.

Why didn’t you hate him? Why were you still here? He was a monster, he was evil, sick, twisted—

“Stop.”

He finally came to his senses, using his grip on your wrist to pull your hand away from him and gently urge you to step backwards.

“Stop, don’t—don’t go feelin’ sorry for me, don’t go and—and—you don’t know all the things I’ve done, you don’t—”

“I know you, Joel.”

Even though it was gentle, your tone was firm and insistent.

“I know you. I might not know all the things you’ve done, but that doesn’t change who you are, deep down.”

He shook his head. You didn’t understand, couldn’t understand—

“We’re like trees.”

His brows furrowed at that, confusion evident on his face at your sudden and seemingly random shift in conversation.

“Tree trunks, they—they have rings. The innermost ring of the tree is the oldest, and as the trees grow, as time passes, new rings are added, but the core of it always stays the same.”

You pressed yourself closer again, meeting his resistance with ample willpower.

“It doesn’t matter if the outer layers wither, if they decay, if they’re ugly—it’s still the same tree on the inside.”

He shook his head. You and your stupid fucking analogies.

“You don’t get it. ’M not who I was. I’m—everythin’ about me is bad, Y/N, I’m—I’ve rotted straight through to my core.”

To his surprise, you smiled at him, sad but reassuring, shaking your head.

“No. You’re still here. You’re still standing. If the badness had reached all the way to your middle, you’d just be a stump.”

“Can we stop with this damn metaphor? M’not a fuckin’ tree.”

He grumbled, but then you were moving closer against him, standing between his splayed legs with your hips flush against the metal edge of the table as you pushed your chest against his bare torso. His breath hitched.

“No, you’re not. But you’re still Joel. Yeah, things are different. But I still see him in there, the person I knew, the person I—I loved. See it when you look at Ellie, and Tommy. See it when you laugh. See it in your eyes.”

No, no, no—what was he doing? You were so good, so painfully kind, and good, and his poison was going to seep into your fingertips and taint your perfect disposition.

“Don’t think I’ve ever been the person you thought I was.”

His eyes met yours, and he could see your face fall slightly before you recovered, helplessly trying to change his mind.

“Maybe not. But you already said it today—you remember. You remember the way things were, the person you used to be. Those memories, those reminders—they’re proof. Your now can’t erase the then.”

You felt dizzy, lightheaded—every fiber of your being was screaming at you to stop, back off, you’re gonna hurt yourself all over again, slam the door and walk away—but the despondency in his eyes was simply devastating. It was always his damn eyes.

His entire body seized up tight when you slowly lowered your head down towards his stomach, maintaining eye contact as your warm breath passed over his navel. He watched on silently as your lips brushed over the wound you’d just tended to, featherlight and barely-there, but the touch was searingly hot.

“The same Joel who had magic kisses.”

You raised your head again, lifting your arms to wrap loosely around his neck, coaxing him forward towards you. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. He let you guide him closer into your embrace.

“The same Joel who can’t wrap a damn Christmas gift."

His lip slightly quirked up at the corner as your fingers toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“The same Joel who’s never been to a college party.”

His eyelids fluttered as your nose brushed against his. You were gazing at him from beneath your lashes, tempting and so damn sweet. He felt your warm exhale across his cheeks.

“The same Joel who still owes me that kiss.”

For a brief moment, he lost himself, his mind emptying until all that was left was you, everywhere, overwhelming and all-consuming. But as you leaned forward to close the gap, he knew he couldn’t do this to you. Not again. Couldn’t let you give yourself away to someone so unworthy.

“Your dad.”

He said suddenly, his words loud and intruding in the small distance between you. You felt the vibrations on your lips when he spoke, and you drew back quickly, the haze of desire in your eyes replaced with a puzzled look.

“What?”

Joel stared you down, arming himself against your targeted attacks on his protective barriers.

“Your—your old man. He was one of the doctors at the Firefly hospital.”

His words rammed into you like a fucking semitruck, the wind momentarily knocked out of you. You stumbled back slightly, your shoulders bracing with tension as a new emotion flickered over your face—fear.

“You’re—you’re lying.”

“I’m sorry, darlin’.”

Joel's brief apathy corroded at the sight of such horror on your face, his eyes flooding with tears yet again as he squeezed them shut. He had the sudden uncontrollable urge to wrap you in his arms and shield you from the world, to protect you—but how could he? How could he possibly protect you from himself?

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—by the time I’d realized, it was already too late, and I—”

“I didn’t even think he was still alive.”

His lids snapped open to look at you once more where the initial shock on your face had worn off, replaced with a frigid sort of acceptance, a jarring finality. Joel felt like he was suffering from whiplash at your abrupt change in demeanor.

“Never got close enough to see him in California. At least now I know.”

You couldn’t be fucking serious. You were just... content with this? Forgiving Joel so easily, so readily? What the fuck was wrong with you?

But then he saw the way your posture shifted, suddenly on the defensive, your stare now pierced with suspicion and criticism. The tenderness in your eyes had shifted to communicate your wariness, your distrust. For the first time, it was like you were looking into the face of a stranger.

Somehow, he felt more comfortable with this than the love you’d so shamelessly displayed for him just moments prior. This, he deserved. This, he could handle.

“Y/N—”

“I think you should go.”

You declared curtly, shutting him out completely as your turned away. You felt your heart begin to split in two all over again—you hated the sudden animosity you felt towards the man you cared so deeply for, but it was threatening to overwhelm you as you listened to him sigh heavily, his feet thumping against the ground as he slid off of the table.

You heard the rustling of his clothes as he slipped his shirt back over his head, his posture sagging lowly as he stared at your back, the distance between you two only widening with each shaky rise and fall of your shoulders.

It was better this way, Joel convinced himself. Better for you to hate him than to love him. Better for him to push you away than to let you back in. Better for both of you to keep moving forward without looking back—better to hurt you a little now before he hurt you a lot later.

He left without another word.

TAGLIST: @spiidergirlsworld @canpillowscry @str84pedro @daddy-din @pedropascal-whore @canpillowscry @pppmitt @thirdoffive @lovekk2plus @elliescumsl0t @kagajgajaguwbeidheubqk @cookielovesbook-akie @kamcrazy123 @ohnosy @dayrdreaming @notsosecretspy @arquiiva (please comment to be added/removed)

#tlou #the last of us #tlou series #joel miller smut #joel miller #joel x reader #tlou smut #tlou imagine #the last of us smut #the last of us fanfic #joel and ellie #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #projectionistwrites

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dumborangecat · 7 months

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VAGUE FIONNA AND CAKE FINALE SPOILERS

(but it’s mostly me ranting about betty)

I’m actually never gonna get over betty constantly being sidelined by the writers, like ever

I love simon, he’s amazing, 10/10 babygirl, But god i wish we got more of Betty, She’s such a good complex character with so much potential to be used for more then she is.

She’s got serious character character flaws with the possibility for her to work on them, she has a great personality that would mesh well and create great interactions with other characters, she has interesting relationships (platonic or not) with seveveral characters and the potential for more, and she has such an interesting position in OOO.

Like simon she was thrust into this magical world and out of her normal mundane one, but unlike simon she didn’t have a magic crown that made her forget her whole life, or magic powers to blend in with everyone else (at the beginning) She was litterally just a normal gal, and then she became magic, but she didn’t lose herself to the magic (like simon did)! she’s completely concious and aware of all her actions and thoughts and memories, she’s just a bit crazier/more intense. She’s just as crazy and ‘weird’ as all the other Ooo residents, but she isn’t an ‘ooo resident’ she could have such an interesting character arc with feeling as though she doesn’t truly belong in ooo, and how she doesn’t want to instead only wanting to go back to her time, but being forced to stay in ooo anyway. But unlike simon she wouldn’t be (somewhat) complacent in her life, she wouldn’t be a miserable old woman, she would be mad! and angry! and try whatever she has too to go back! (just like she does for simon!)

but we don’t get that. We explore her character, and her motivations, and personality, but solely (with the exception of maybe ONE episode) through the lense of her relationship with simon. We don’t see what she’s like in her other platonic relationships. For all we know she could be just as a much of a mother-character as simon is a dad one, but we can’t be sure, because we’re never shown that. Throughout the entire show Betty is almost always only important as ‘Simon’s fiance’ ‘Someone trying to save Simon’ ‘A tormented gal mourning her fiance’ Never ‘Magic woman’ ‘THE ONE TO SUMMON GOLB??’ or even just ‘betty’.

Pretty much the only person to really see her as Betty is Simon, adding to the fact that she is only ever seen through petrigrof’s relationship. And of course simon is the only one to see her! She has 0 deep relationships with other characters! Finn and Jake see her as someone who once betrayed them, but also needs help, and thats cool and interesting to possibly explore, but there’s more to betty then that! Marceline sees her as Simon’s super cool fiance who she’s never met but still thinks is great (and is implied she could imagine her as a mother-figure) But betty is more then that!

Betty gets maybe 2 episodes where it’s just her and not Simon aswell (‘You forgot your floaties’, and the mars one i forgot the name of sorry) And both of those are still to do with simon (her working to save simon, and her looking back on her relationship with simon)

And i understand why it’s like this, because while Betty is her own person, with her own personality and interests, she focuses on Simon so much that to everyone else she really isn’t anything other then Simon’s fiance. I love petrigrof and how obsessed they are with eachother, it’s poetic, and romantic, and self destructive and i love it; but Simon is just as obsessed with Betty as she is with him, yet he gets his own character arcs, his own deep and meaningful relationships (Marceline, Finn, even Fionna maybe) while betty doesn’t.

Magic woman could have been a great character, who in her quest to save simon ends up making similar connections with people, she could have tried getting marceline to help her with simon, and they could have a great complicated relationship (Wirh marceline wanting to save him too, but also being able to accept that for now he’s the ice king, and betty being completely unable to do that, too determined to save him to realise that she is somewhat hurting ice king, which would piss off marceline) She could have kidnapped or forced other (probably background) characters to help her save simon (JUST LIKE SIMON KIDNAPS AND KILLS CHOOSE GOOSE TO SAVE BETTY!) But we don’t get that.

Even if all her other connections revolve around or have something to do with simon, it would have been great for her to actually have other connections. for her to have like 1 friend atleast. Even if she doesn’t get any of that, and remains as ‘simons fiance’ it would have been great to atleast see her more! Even as just a teeny tiny apearance in episodes, as just a background character with like 1 scene.

I quite liked the Fionna and cake finale, but more golbetty focus was something i was left really wanting. We get more about the litch then we do golbetty! I get that a lot of the vagueness/mystery around golbetty could be leaving stuff unknown to be explored in potential sequals but still, i wanted to see more of her

I don’t think any of this is betty’s fault, or a flaw of hers, nor do i fully blame the writers, writing stuff is hard! writing a 10 season series with like a bajillion characters and the potential for later spin offs? even harder! Not including Betty as much is understandable. I just wish it wasn’t what happened.

Sorry this was disorganised and super rambly, i just love betty and want to see more of her. She deserves to be seen as the epic girlfailure magic woman she is!!!

#adventure time #fionna and cake #betty grof #simon petrikov #petrigrof #bettys such a great character just wish they did more with her #this post sounds like i don’t like petrigrof much #i love petrigrof #it is the air i breathe #the grass i walk on #it is every thought i think ever #i just wish betty had atleast 1 thing outside it

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navnae · 1 year

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Steddie Soulmate Au Part 4

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Prompt: a clock counts down until you meet your soulmate

Prompt from @phantypurple !!! ❤️

Additional tags: @mightbeasleep @lifealwayslearning @rhaenyyras @im-sam-fucking-winchester @gregre369 @fruitandbubbles @beckkthewreck @cherixxx69 @iwouldsail (I hope it’s okay that I tagged y’all 😖)

Read on AO3

“Sure!” Steve said excitedly with a huge smile on his face. In another universe Eddie never would’ve thought of asking Steve for any kind of help especially when it came to anything that involved romance. Then again everything that’s happened in Eddie’s life so far hasn’t been normal in the slightest so he’ll take this over the past events that’s happened so far.

Eddie started smiling wide when heard what Steve had said. He didn’t expect him to have such a positive reaction to what he was asking for. Eddie reached his arm out to give Steve a pat on his shoulder making him shiver slightly, for a split second Eddie saw Steve’s smile fade a little before it returned to the big bright one that he had on his face previously. Eddie smiled softly at him then looked over to where Robin was standing, she was talking to Dustin and Max about something and Eddie thought she looked so pretty when she waved her hands around when we talked about something, the way her eyes lit up when she was excited, he couldn’t put it into words but she drew him in like a moth to a flame. He didn’t realize he was staring until Steve cleared his throat rather aggressively making Eddie snap out of his thoughts. He looked at Steve who was now standing with his arms crossed and he looked annoyed, the smile from before was completely gone now.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer, Munson.” Steve said bitterly as he rolled his eyes. The change in Steve’s attitude caught Eddie off guard. He genuinely looked pissed but Eddie couldn’t put a finger on what could’ve ticked him off in the middle of their conversation. He brushed it off since it was common for Steve get bitchy for no reason, he had several of those moments at school. So Eddie didn’t pay it any mind.

“My bad it’s just… she’s breathtaking. I kind of feel stupid for not realizing that.” Eddie admitted. He should’ve paid more attention to her throughout their school years together.

“I think stupid would be putting it lightly.” Steve mumbled under his breath. Obviously that wasn’t something Eddie was supposed to hear but he heard it anyways. He furrowed his brows as he looked at Steve, the guy was just fuming at this point.

“What did you say?” Eddie asked with a little bass in his voice. The only reason he was getting mad was because Steve started getting snappy out of no where. Steve kept his arms crossed and shook his head.

“Nothing.“ Steve said waving his hand to dismiss the topic. As much as Eddie wanted to slap that attitude out of Steve he couldn’t, that wouldn’t make him look good in front of Robin so he just bit his tongue. Eddie also had to realize that he’d have to deal with Steve for a little bit just so could make his move on Robin, for now he’ll be nice until otherwise. He smiled brightly at Steve hoping that they could be somewhat friendly towards each other.

Before Eddie could say anything the sound of police cars got everybody’s attention making them turn towards the window that was the back of the boathouse. While the four of them ran to the window Eddie scurried towards the boat that he was laying in for majority of the time he stayed there. Once he got into the boat he threw the tarp over himself and he laid there. So many thoughts ran through his head as he tried to make himself comfortable in the boat, now he had to keep in mind that what was happening outside of this building was attached to him. Eddie couldn’t handle the idea that the reason why everyone in Hawkins was going insane because they believed that there was a murderer running around and all of their fingers pointed to him. In some way, Eddie focusing on Robin made it easier to forget about the chaos that had occurred and that kind of made him want to keep fighting even if there’s a possibility that he may not win in the end. When all of this was over he thought about telling her that she was the light that guided him through the darkness and he imagined both of them laughing at how cheesy that sounded but nonetheless it was true. Even with that in his mind, something kept nagging him.

Eddie truly couldn’t live that dream unless Steve kept his word which Eddie had his doubts about. Maybe it was nothing but Eddie had this feeling that the only reason why Steve was upset all of a sudden was because he started talking about how beautiful Robin was, then again anything could’ve made Steve act the way he did. Eddie stopped thinking about all of that when he heard the sirens die down a little bit and heavy footsteps started making their way towards the boat he was in. The tarp that was on top of him was folded back revealing the four familiar faces that he was used to and not someone who would hurt him.

“Eddie, we’re going to leave for a little bit but we’ll come back here soon okay?” Dustin said in a hurry. Eddie knew that they would come back tomorrow and the likely hood of them coming back later that night while Hawkins was in a frenzy was very far fetched. Eddie nodded his head still despite knowing that he’ll be alone again for several hours.

“Make sure to keep these with you just in case.” Max chimed in quickly as she ran to the other side of the boathouse then running back to place the snacks that they got for him in the little space between him and the boat. He laughed softly before holding the snacks close to him.

“Thank you.” Eddie said softly. His gaze focused on Robin and she smiled at him. Eddie’s heart felt like it was going to explode, he smiled back at her while he started blushing. He had so much that he wanted to say to her but there wasn’t enough time for him to form the right words.

“Like Dustin said we’ll come back for you. Just hang in there until we get back.” Robin reassured him before placing her hand on his and giving it a squeeze. Eddie knew this was her way of telling him everything was going to be alright but the butterflies in his stomach kept fluttering around. He felt like a kid talking to his crush, a feeling that he’s never felt before.

“Robin-“ Eddie tried to talk to her but the sound of more police sirens alerted them and they started moving towards the door. Eddie didn’t have much time to think as he grabbed Steve’s wrist before he could run with the others.

“Steve!” Eddie blurted out while he pulled Steve close. Their faces were inches apart from each other and the blush on Steve was face became noticeable when Eddie started to observe his face. For a second it was almost like he was holding his breath but Eddie could’ve been imagining all of it.

“Y-yeah?” Steve said in a panicked tone but he managed to keep his composure for his own sake. Eddie leaned in close enough to Steve’s ear so he could hear him.

“Make sure that Robin stays safe okay? I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.” Eddie whispered. When he pulled away he expected to have a mutual understanding with Steve or at least show some type of reassurance that he would make sure to do that for Eddie. Instead he got a look from Steve that was way different from the look he saw earlier, almost like he was hurt. Steve opened his mouth to say something but he bit his lip. After a few seconds Steve finally settled on something to say.

“Okay. I will.” Steve said softly then giving a half smile. This would be the first time that Eddie has ever seen Steve genuinely smile and he had to admit that a smile suited him a lot more than the angry look. Eddie smiled at him and now both of them seemed to be on the same page when it came to the situation at hand.

Steve gave him a nod before he ran with the others and Eddie was left alone with his thoughts. He rubbed his hands over his face after as he let out a groan. Eddie had no idea how life turned into this for him but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Eddie went over all the things that’s happened in the past few days and he couldn’t process it all at once. He didn’t know what was going to be next for him if somehow he could avoid the narratives that were being put on him and now he had to focus on getting his soulmate to fall in love with him with the help of her best friend who was most definitely going to be a pain in the ass. The longer Eddie had all of this stuff in his mind the more he kept overthinking every possible outcome, taking him to a place he hasn’t been in awhile. He shook his head to get out of his own mind and he took advantage of the snake that were by his side. When midnight hit Eddie laid still under the tarp while his back was getting indents from the hard surface of the boat, not to mention how extremely cold the boathouse was and the tarp was in no way shape or form a blanket that could warm him up. Eddie closed his eyes trying to ignore the rustling of the tree branches that would hit the boathouse every once in awhile and he had to stop himself from jumping after every sound he heard. He was absolutely terrified when it came down to it but he would never admit it, the only thing he could do was try to keep going.

Eddie just hoped that the one he was meant to be with would be there waiting for him on the other side.

Part 5

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lorelite333 · 3 months

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thank you to @sclairereject for the inspiration for the post, because i never have anything to post about half the time. however as someone who does do tarot (i'm spiritual), i wanna put my own twist to this. (ppl have their own interpretations, but the cards still have definitions)

Redacted Boys (includes Alexis) Major Arcana Tarot Cards:

I'd also like to say that these are just my takes, and things that I've noticed and felt. I don't have everyone on here, as I got tired writing this halfway through, so I don't have everyone on here.

SHAW PACK:

David Shaw is the Magician, specifically because he was trying to find his power and voice as leader, in which he did.

Milo Greer is the Chariot, because of sense of direction and will power. He tries his best to do what's right, even if it hurts him in the process.

Asher Talbot is the Strength card, due to his overcoming self-doubt, his compassion, and his bravery in situations. In reverse, this card represents self-doubt, lack of confidence, and vulnerability.

SOLAIRE CLAN

Vincent is the Lovers card, standing by his personality alone, resembling unity, balance, partnerships, and choices.

Sam is the Justice card, associated with fairness, truth, balance, and legal matters. I feel like Sam genuinely cares about what's right, and wants to help no matter what, even if he says he wants to stay out of things. He has this sense to try to make things right, even if things may get rocky. He's a healer by heart, and tries his best to do what's best for everyone in a situation.

William is the Hierophant, it is associated with education, knowledge, traditions, and institutions. I dont really have a reason for this one other than vibes.

Alexis the Judgement card, due to her past actions as well as her personality. This card represents reflection, rebirth, transition, and decision-making. In reverse, this card represents self-doubt, poor choices, stubbornness, blame, and confusion.

Porter is the Tower card. It represents trauma, destruction, unexpected change, revelation, chaos, awakening, and warning. We know that Porter is in fact "The Blade" of the Solaire Clan, and we know that he somewhat regrets it in some way, as well as him having trauma from this and his maker.

DAMN SQUAD

Gavin is The World, as it symbolizes success, fulfilment, and an end of a cycle. I feel like this represents him due to his change with the Freelancer, him being able to open up and enjoy his life with them and his friends. Gavin never really considered Aria his home, but more so just a place he lived at. In his SBW, he talks about how Dhalia has become his home, as Freelancer and the DAMN squad had helped him change his view on it (as well as change him).

Damien is the Sun, mostly in reverse, this academic over-achiever has a little bit of an ego. He's also quite pessimistic and has unrealistic expectations that were set on him by other people. However, the Sun is also associated with positivity, happiness, freedom and vitality. Which I think Damien has learned throughout his years of being friends with the Freelancer, that it's okay to take a break sometimes and just have fun.

Huxley is the Star, as he tries to maintain his happy and positive self for everyone else, turning to inspire others and give them hope with their problems. However Huxley also experiences negativity, hopelessness, failure. I think Huxley somewhat feels like the things in life get too repetitive, and he sometimes loses interest in certain things or just becomes bored with them from a tedious routine.

And finally Lasko, is the Fool, mostly from vibes, however The Fool is an air element card, which represents new beginnings, a leap of faith, and loyalty. Lasko sees the DAMN squad as family, in which he's very loyal to. I feel like during his time at DAMN, he's experienced time after time a new beginning, from Damien and him becoming friends to him and Coworker having a relationship.

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farmerlarrry · 6 months

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Orange Slices (Joel Miller x f!reader)

masterlist | chapter twelve | chapter eleven | read on ao3 | playlist

story summary: A story about finding companionship and love in the midst of chaos.

a/n: I read a few books and remembered how to write again :) Sorry for being gone for so long. I will be doing a huge revise of the whole story, just because I had planned on doing that all along… and of course I kept putting it off and before I knew it I was almost 15 chapters in, so between the time of posting this updated and chapter 14 and writing chapter 15, just keep in mind that I did not go MIA again, I am working on updates. I'm going to try to get chapter 14 up tomorrow!

**I wrote this at work so if there’s typos, I’m sorry. I tried my best to catch as many I could and I get so eager to post**

word count: 9005

if you want to be notified when I post new chapters, follow @farmerlarrrylibrary and put on notifications! If you'd rather be tagged, just let me know.

Chapter Thirteen

Fuck, fu–ck, you incoherently hear. The distant sound of someone’s voice draws you out of your state of sleep. Your eyes gently flutter open, eyelashes brushing up against your under eyes as you take a deep breath in and tensing your body up as a way to somewhat stretch your limbs due to the limited space offered by the couch. Must’ve been a part of a dream, you think as the silence makes your ears ring, your eyes darting around at different spots on the ceiling.

A fleeting feeling of intense nausea comes over you, as it does most mornings after you drink. You let a small moan escape past your lips as you run your hand over your stomach; you hate the feeling that you’re about to vomit more than anything. Rolling over onto your side, you nuzzle your face against the back cushion and pull the thick woven blanket further up your body to bask in the remaining warmth. The cold weather arrived early this year, leaving you shivering throughout the nights.

The longer you stay cuddled into the cushions of the couch, the comfier and more relaxed you become, your limbs now feeling like puddles of liquid. I’ll get up in a few minutes, you think to yourself, allowing your eyes to become heavy, not fighting your tiredness any longer. The swirling colors that the dim lighting of the room curated behind your eyelids begin to hypnotize you back to sleep.

That is until a loud thud comes from somewhere inside your house, causing you to shoot up from your lying position, still clutching on tightly to the blanket. Panic washes over you and your heart is beating faster than it has in a long time. You have your eyes locked on the staircase, straining your hearing for any indication where the noise may have come from.

God damnit, the quiet but gruff voice of a man causes you to quickly turn around toward the kitchen, more muttering follows, but you can’t quite make out what they’re saying. Just as you begin to take a small step forward, Joel pops up from behind the counter, tossing the paper bag filled with coffee grounds on the surface. He is very visibly frustrated, letting out a soft sigh. You find yourself to be somewhat confused, shifting your eyes just past him; the cabinet door is slightly ajar and two mugs sit side by side on the counter.

As his head comes past the edge of the counter, the two of you immediately lock eyes, widening at your presence as if he were surprised. You’re in my house, you think. You toss the blanket onto the couch, only breaking eye contact for a few short moments. Joel’s mouth opens slightly, however nothing comes out.

“You scared me,” You say quietly, yet relieved. Your heart still feels as if it were beating outside of your chest.

“Shit, sorry,” His words came out as mumbled, resting his palms flat against the edge of the countertop and leaning his weight into his hands. He looks down for a moment, letting out a breath of air as you come around the back of the couch, situating yourself across from him. “I was tryin’ not to wake you.”

Joel appears to be slightly embarrassed by the current situation, his cheeks very subtly stained pink and he’s rubbing his thumb over the laminate countertop. As the two of you continue to stand there, you can’t help but feel confused; confused as to why he’s in your house, not that you’re upset by the fact– just confused. Although, who knows what you potentially said to him, after James left, the last thing you remember is finishing off the bottle of alcohol while Joel quietly sat at the table across from you, babying the small glass he ended up pouring himself. You cringe at the thought.

“When did you become so… domesticated,” You say dryly, meaning it as a joke, jutting your chin towards the mugs, going up on your tiptoes to see the coffee ground that laid messily in a pile in the ground. It was hard imagining Joel as anyone other than who he’s shown you; a man who will kill to survive– do anything to survive– not someone who brews coffee in the morning for himself and his… whatever.

Joel follows your gesture, bringing his hand up to his chin, rubbing it gently with his thumb and forefinger. You cock your head waiting for his response. Although you intended it as a joke, you were still curious. This wasn’t typical Joel, not the one you knew, or at least not the one you thought you knew.

“Was tryin’ to make some coffee before we head out, but I hit my head on the cabinet door and dropped the grounds,” He followed up, gesturing first to the cabinet and then to the loose coffee grounds that were still scattered on the ground. Joel drew some air before continuing. “I changed your kitchen light by the way, the one that kept flickerin’, nearly gave me a damn headache last night.”

“Last night?” You furrow your brows, the mention of it brings you a sense of impending doom, your stomach twisting up in knots. Closing your eyes, you let out a huff of air. “Right, last night.”

Your voice sounds muffled.

With your eyes closed, all you can see is tJames’ face and the way it changed from his sweet smile to a look of utter dismay. You feel guilty for lying to him and you thought that by drinking you could drown out that guilt, but now it’s the next day, you feel even guiltier and you feel like shit. This time, you’ve dug yourself into a hole you weren’t quite sure how you were going to get yourself out of. What do you even tell James? Sorry, the sudden return of a man who, for some reason, I cannot get off my mind and makes my heart flutter like it never has before, caught me off guard so for the time being I’m just going to tell you to fuck off. Please just give me some time and space while I figure things out. No, absolutely not. If it had been anyone else besides James, maybe.

“Take these,” Joel breaks you out of your thoughts. He’s sliding two pills across the counter and then fills a glass up with water from the sink. “Maybe a shower will help too, you were pretty messed up when I left last night.”

You let out a small hum, picking up the pills from the counter and throwing your head back, swallowing them at once. Joel continues to watch you carefully, running his eyes all over you. You raise your eyebrows at him, which seems to snap him out of some sort of daze. He clears his throat, turning to the now boiling percolator.

“I got our assignment today,” Joel says. The realization he is returning to patrol makes you happy, something you had been secretly hoping would be the case.

“The hunting sheds,” the two of you say in unison. Joel gives you a single nod, pursing his lips. You simply stare back at him.

The hunting shed was one of your least favorite assignments. It’s fairly easy other than the fact you’re out all day, climbing up and down steep hills. It’s more so tiring than hard, but it’s something that obviously must be done to keep the security of Jackson up to par.

“Yeah, hope you’re ready for a full day of fun,” His tone is sarcastic. You can tell he is definitely not looking forward to it either.

You give him a very obvious fake smile, letting your palms drag along the counter as you turn to head for the stairs, desperately hoping this shower will be your saving grace from how horrible you feel.

–

You take the steps downward slowly as you dry your hair with the already damp towel, only stopping for a brief moment on the bottom step when you see Joel sitting at the table. He has one of his ankles propped up on the other leg’s knee, a mug in one hand and the other is holding up one of the old newspapers you always leave on the table. He seems to be engulfed in whatever he’s reading, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes dart across the page, reading it line by line. The massive stack of newspapers that were once neatly stacked on one end of the table are now messily strewn about.

Quietly, you come up from behind him, glancing down at the paper and running your eyes along the bolded article titles. This one you know particularly well after the many rereads you’ve done. September 13, 2003; Community Development Plan Completed, building is to start November of this year!; Jackson Men To Complete 2,350 Mile Kayak Trip, 2,050 Miles down with 300 Miles to go! A part of you wondered if they ever did complete their trip, and did they come back into town to the infected, or how exactly that all went down.

As you pass Joel, your elbow grazes his bicep, causing him to jump, likely startled by your sudden presence; neither of you say anything. The chair he’s sitting quietly squeaks as he shifts his weight, while you make a beeline directly for the stove. As you reach for the mug Joel set out for you, he clears his throat, causing you to glance at him over your shoulder.

You let out a small hm, prompting him to spill whatever is currently on his mind before turning back around.

“You read these often?” he says, the paper crinkling as he folds it back up.

“Most mornings… gives me something to do,” you respond dryly as you slowly fill your mug, stream rolling off the top and the moist warmth hitting the bottom side of your chin.

“Seems like a lifetime ago.” He says in a small voice. The statement is so simple, yet seems loaded.

“No kidding.” You say softly, you’re not even sure if he heard you.

You turn around to face him with your mug in hand, giving him a tired look while you run your fingers across the tattered edge of the countertop with your free hand. There is no denying that you feel like shit. The shower didn’t help and you are almost positive the coffee isn’t going to do anything either. Your exhaustion must be obvious because Joel is looking at you sympathetically, carefully watching you as you stand leaning against the edge of the countertop. Taking a sip of your coffee, you look at him through the rim of your mug, the two of you meet each other's eyes. Joel quickly looks away, sitting up straighter in his chair and setting the newspaper down on the table. He lets out a deep sigh, using the wooden surface to push himself upright.

“I’m gonna go get the horses ready to go,” He says while walking over to the sink and setting his empty upside down, then pulling a thermos out from the side of his bag. “Meet me at the stables in 15 or so… will that be enough time for you?”

You nod your head, pulling your lip in between your teeth as he turns and walks toward you.

Placing his hand just above one of your hips, you take a few steps to the side, to which he steps where you were once standing. The feeling on his fingertips against your side makes your stomach jump and you have to fight against your instinct to shiver. He fills his thermos with coffee, you staring at him, watching his face. He glances at you, you can see his throat bob as he prevents the percolator from dripping down the side of his container. The air is still. Your eyes dart down to his bottom lip which he is toying at with his teeth. Your heart begins to thump loudly in your ears, he’s making it hard not to imagine what it’d be like to be the one toying with it for him.

“I’ll see you in a few,” he says awkwardly, and you give him a shy nod.

The moment Joel leaves, you can feel your body relax, letting out a small huff of air. You mindlessly gather different supplies, making sure you have a lunch packed. As you’re doing so, you let your mind wander, how you were going to handle things with James, now that Joel is back. It feels wrong to continue things with James, especially when he’s not who you want– he was never who you wanted.

Whether Joel feels the same way, doesn’t factor into your decision.

–

The air is quite a bit chillier than you expected. This year the cold weather has come early, something that sort of threw the community for a loop. The town square is always already filled with people by 6am due to the increased workload in the gardens, making sure everything can be harvested before the cold gets to it. Today was no different, you could hear the bustling of the townspeople the moment you took a step out from your house. The murmurs make your ears buzz.

You’re messing with the floppy straps of your backpack that always find a way to twist, not quite paying attention as you come out of the side pathway that separates your part of the community and the townsquare. When you finally look up, you immediately notice James and Joel and they are very obviously arguing. People start to slow down as they pass by them, confused as to what could possibly be going on between the two men. You are wondering the same. Did James say something to Joel? Would Joel really be that upset about something like that? You think, slowing your pace. You can feel your eyebrows draw together, your teeth clenching down hard.

As people pass by, leaving an opening for you to look through, you then notice Nessa standing a few feet behind James as well as Tommy engaged in what seems to be a pretty intense conversation based on his active nodding and hardened facial expression with Maria. You feel your heart sink into your stomach. Continuing your slow pace, you observe the loosely formed group.

Nessa and you catch eyes, a fire is burning behind her eyes, before walking over to Tommy, tapping his shoulder, and gesturing in your direction. In unison, the four all stop their conversations, turning to look at you. They each hold a different facial expression. Joel appears to be heavily annoyed but his look softens when the two of you make eye contact, James looks nervous and mildly perturbed, Tommy’s usually cheery expression has been exchanged for an outright stressed one, and Maria looks concerned yet confident as always. The range of emotions make your stomach churn.

As soon as you and Tommy make eye contact, he lurches forward, quickly approaching you with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his worn jeans. You stop in your tracks, hoping he can give you the run down of exactly what the fuck is going on.

“You’ve been doin’ your patrol alone?” He doesn’t waste time asking, his voice is hushed not wanting the other around to hear. He places his hands on your shoulder and blocks you out of the view of the others. His usual kind, soft eyes are now intense and dark.

Fuck, you think to yourself, parting your lips ever so slightly, not quite sure what to say. You kept Tommy in the dark about this, not wanting him to worry and honestly, it was better if he didn’t know. You explicitly lied when he would ask you about patrol or when you’d tell him peculiar stories about the events that happened out on patro, usually pulling someone’s name out of thin air whoever was your partner for that day.

“James came to Maria this mornin’ with some concerns about you,” Tommy adds, anticipating your response, desperately hoping that James’ accusations aren’t the truth, or at least not the whole truth. His expression is pleading, darting from one part of your face to another.

As soon as James’ name rolls past Tommy’s lips, you dart your eyes over to him, who quickly tips his head down toward the ground, completely avoiding you. You can feel your face feel with heat which only makes the throbbing in your head to worsen, and chaos begins to brew in your chest. Fucking James.

“Tommy,” you say, sounding outright guilty and round your posture. Sweat begins to pool in your palms, soaking into the strap of your bag that you were still tightly holding onto. He lets out a disappointed sigh, shifting his eyes past you.

“Jesus Christ,” He says breathily, slightly shaking his head. He begins to knead his fingertips into your shoulder blade, taking a moment longer to think. You stare at him blankly. “Okay… we’ll figure this out, just tell Maria the truth, I’ll see what I can do after that… but she is not going to like hearing this.”

“Yeah,” you say quietly in defeat, looking down at your feet before looking back up at Tommy. “I’m sorry Tommy.”

When he finally looks back at you, he gives you a pitiful smile, one that quickly fades. Sliding his hand back between your shoulder blades, he guides you over to the rest of the ground. Nessa is still giving you a deathly stare, which annoys you because a few days ago the two of you were fine, you were laughing together over some old memory from your time as school girls. What changed so suddenly?

You can see her mouth move, saying something just quiet enough to where you couldn't hear her with you still being a few yards away. Joel’s face twists up, twisting his upper body toward her. Don’t fucking say that, his voice is unmistakable, and so is the harsh intent behind his words. She’s very clearly biting her tongue, fighting the urge to shoot something back at him, but before she can make the decision to respond, Joel turns away from her, chewing on his bottom lip. You can see the anger boiling inside her as she sticks her tongue in her cheek, shaking her head.

As you come up to the group, she scoffs, storming off into the opposite direction.

“What’s going on,” you ask. Your body is facing Maria, but you keep your eyes fixated on James who still won’t look at you.

“James’ had some… concerns regarding your patrols, would you be able to talk in my office? Me, you, Tommy?” Maria responds cooly, her tone seems hesitant yet confident. You’re sure this must be an awkward thing to do, the whole he said, she said situation. You force yourself to swallow against the lump of anger in your throat.

“Of course,” The annoyance you feel hangs heavy onto your words as they come out of your mouth.

You glance between James over to Joel and you begin to follow Tommy and Maria. His eyes are intense and you notice the quick rise and fall of his chest.

“I’m coming too,” Joel’s voice is loud as he tightens his grip around the bottom of his pack straps, taking a step forward towards you. A few community members who remained to watch, exchanged looks between each other.

Maria lets out a heavy sigh before turning around.

“If he’s going, then I am too,” James quickly adds. You know he doesn’t actually want to be there, but if Joel is going then he must too. You roll your eyes.

“Neither of you will be joining us,” She says firmly. “James, you already told us your concerns, I will speak to her, get her side of things and then I will handle it from there. And Joel… you haven’t been here, so I’m not quite sure why you are concerning yourself with things that you would have no idea about.”

You slowly shift your attention from Maria over to Joel, who is clenching his jaw. He’s looking at Tommy who refuses to look back, kicking at the dirt and rocks with his hands back in his pockets. When Joel realizes he won’t be getting a response, he quickly turns on his heel, giving you an emotionless look, and heading towards the entrance of the community. James is quick to follow, tailing closely behind Joel.

“C’mon,” Tommy juts his chin in the direction of the main building, reaching his arm out towards you.

–

It’s been a while since you’ve last been here. Everything remains the same, even the old dried flowers that still sit on the table between the two chairs in the center of the room. The morning glow illuminates the room with a warm glow, however the air is chilly. You have your palms resting on the rounded ends of the arms of the chair, slowly rubbing the back and forth. Maria and Tommy are standing in front of you; Maria is upright, her hands clasped together in front of her while Tommy is leaning against the edge of the desk with his arms crossed and shoulder slightly slouched. Even though you know both of them quite well at this point, it doesn’t stop you from feeling inferior, especially in the given situation.

“So, what’d he say,” You impatiently ask, your tone portraying your emotions very clearly. You already knew, but you wanted to know exactly what he told Maria.

Maria glances over to Tommy who returns with an awkward smile, unfolding his arms and pointing at himself. She gives him a single nod before he pushes himself upright, clearing his throat.

“Well, he came to Maria this morning, while we were talkin’,” He starts, “said he’s concerned– you haven’t been following the protocol or proper guard etiquette…”

He trails off, looking at Maria through his peripheral view who is waiting for him to continue. Her eyes are focused solely on him as if she were urging him to go on, silently supporting him through this tough conversation.

“He said something about you goin’ out, doing patrol by yourself,” Tommy finally finishes, a wheeze of air escaping past his lips before continuing, “‘n that he was concerned for your safety.”

You let out an amused scoff, shifting your weight in the chair. Concerned with my safety, his excuse was laughable. You knew exactly why he was doing this and it wasn’t his concern.

“I didn’t call in yesterday, I’ll admit to that, because I get it… it’s my responsibility to do that, and it slipped my mind,” you say, your throat burning as you speak. “But he’s known what I've been doing for months.”

Maria purses her lips and nods, walking over to the chair next to you and taking a seat. You turn your body towards her, waiting for her to say something.

“And that’s concerning for me, knowing that I've put him in charge and he’s allowing that,” she simply says. It was hard to read her calm demeanor, something that made you feel anxious.

You look at Tommy through your peripheral vision, he appears to be somewhat confused, staring at Maria.

“He also said you’ve been staying out late, sometimes the entire day,” she continues.

You can feel your nose twitch at the mention of you staying out past your patrol, you force yourself to slightly smile, although you know nothing will cover up your initial reaction. Your breathing becomes shallow. You’re completely done for. There’s nothing Tommy can do that will save you from being taken off patrol. You knew the chances, but you never thought James would be the reason you were caught. Your brain is racing with thoughts, trying to come up with something in response that may cover your ass.

Maria cocks her head and raises her eyebrows slightly, encouraging you to say something. Your mouth has gone dry. Time’s up, you think, letting out a small shaky breath.

“There’s an outlook I go to somedays– well, actually, most days,” Your voice is small. “I go there after I’m done with patrol, after I call in, and I just… think, I don’t know, I just do whatever.”

A feeling of embarrassment comes over you as you admit to your whereabouts. Telling them about the outlook feels shameful, and not for the reason that you aren’t supposed to be doing stuff like that. Them now being aware of a place that you connected with Joel through in absence made you feel sick, even if they don’t know that’s the reason why you went.

Tommy and Maria exchange looks again, this time her eyes softening.

“I know I’m not supposed to be doing that, I know it’s dangerous going out by myself, I just…” You say with your head hanging low. “When I’m out there, it’s the only time I feel like myself.”

Mmm, Maria quietly hums.

“About what happened at the dam–” She starts to say.

“Maria…” You abruptly cut her off, something you normally wouldn’t do, but you couldn’t listen any longer.“I don’t know what James told you, but I do my job. I do it exactly how I was taught and doing it by myself does not change that. I promise you I did not see anything out of the ordinary yesterday, otherwise I would have reported it the moment I saw it.”

You stare intensely into Maria’s eyes as you speak. It was the truth. You were good at what you did, whether you were alone or with someone else. Always being ready to go, ready to defend, ready to fight, to give your life if need be– it was all you knew in this new world, and you were good at it. You hadn’t made it this far on pure luck, anyone with a brain would know that. A one time mistake does not make that statement untrue and James all of a sudden coming forward with his concerns also does not make that untrue.

You can feel the anger creep its way up your throat as you think of James’ pettiness, how all of this was because Joel was at your house last night. Sure, you can agree that lying to James about having plans was wrong, but it didn’t make it right that he did this in response. How childish, you think.

The sound of Tommy clearing his throat pulls you out of your deep state of thought. Both you and Maria shift your attention to him.

“Maria, if you don’t mind, I was just thinkin’... with Joel being back,” Tommy says with a slight hesitation. He knew he shouldn’t be making any sort of suggestions without discussing with her first, but then again he promised he’d do everything he could to keep you out of trouble. This is him risking that to keep his promise to you. “There’s really no reason to punish her, ‘specially if James was the one allowing this, she took it as permission– him knowing, ya know… at least that’s what I assume. Her and Joel can just continue patrol together, then we take the rest up with James.”

You can feel yourself exhale in relief at his suggestion, a part of you slightly surprised by him throwing James under the bus. Regardless of Maria’s decision, you were grateful for Tommy having your back, proof that the two of you really are as close as you thought. The two of you carefully watch Maria as she contemplates his suggestion, her eyes glaze over as she thinks.

She gives a slight nod to Tommy, who glances over to you, giving you a short lived smile before you turn your attention back to Maria.

“You and Joel, never just you and never just Joel, is that clear?” She says, giving you a serious look. “Make sure you call in after every patrol, I do not want to hear any of this it slipped my mind nonsense again.”

“Yes ma’am,” You respond affirmingly, sitting up straighter in the chair. “I promise.”

“And you’ll be sure to pass that onto Joel?” Maria directs to Tommy as she rises from her sitting position.

“Yes, of course,” He says.

–

Tommy stayed back to have a few more words with Maria, telling you that he would be just behind you to talk to Joel. Don’t let him leave without talking to me first, he requested. You’re moving your legs as fast and they will allow you to move them, knowing your already long day has become even longer due to heading out so late now. On top of that, the animosity you now felt did not help with your headache and queasy stomach.

With the stables now in view, you see James standing out front by the wooden gate with Nora and a couple of the other guards. He’s using one of his arms to prop himself up as he leans against one of the wooden posts. Since you saw him earlier this morning, he’s had a complete mood shift; he’s laughing, his cheeks rosy with glee, his eyes soften as he jokes around with the others, lighting hitting the back on his hand against one of the men standing to his side. Seeing him like this, thinking he succeeded in his plan to get you in trouble, makes your heart skip a beat, a feeling of rage quickly taking over your rational thought. You begin to charge toward him, taking bigger and longer strides.

The moment he sees you, the blood drains from his face as if he has just seen a ghost. His jaw tenses up. Perfect, you think. The closer you got to him, the more you struggled to keep the newfound deep hatred for him from exploding out of you..

“What?” You yell out to him, charging straight for him with blurred tunnel vision. “You surprised to see me?”

Typically, you are not the confrontational type, but James crossed the line by going to Maria; putting the one thing you had that kept you sane on the line. Your anger hit a boiling point seeing him act as if nothing had happened and you didn’t care who heard what or who would be caught in the crossfire of it all.

“Get ready to head out, I’ll be right behind you guys,” He quickly says. Nora and the others give you a conflicting look almost as if they were confused by your brashness towards James.

“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” You say to them, shifting your attention onto James when you are finished. There’s a bite in your tone that has made everyone in hearing distance stop in their tracks. “I didn’t get taken off of patrol duty like he wanted.”

James’ face drops at your announcement, his face twisting up. He’s shocked– shocked that his plan did not work. Seeing him like this was priceless, though the only thing you wanted to do was shove that confused and wide eyed face of his into the horse manure that was scattered around the stable grounds.

“You didn’t?” He says quietly, staring at you with furrowed brows. You couldn’t miss the surprise in his tone.

Your anger cools for a second and you take a step in closer, crossing your arms and looking up at him through your browline darkly.

“What the fuck was that about?” your words come out shakily as you try to act calm and collected. Your breath feels like it's coming out in flames. This was just meant for him to hear, you hushened your tone so no one, not even the shadows of his companions, could hear.

“I was concerned,” His tone is monotonous, not breaking eye contact with you. His chest was heaving at this point as he struggled to control it.

“Bullshit, James,” You practically hiss through your teeth. “You’re telling me this has nothing to do with Joel last night?”

His eye twitches at the mention of him showing up at your house. You can see his throat bob as he struggles to remain apparently unaffected.

“You lied to me,” he says slowly. “Lied about you and Nessa, lied about you and–”

“What’s goin’ on?” Joel calls out, coming out of the stable with Callus in hand. He gives you a look of concern before handing off the horses’ lead to one of the stable workers. James scoffs, gesturing towards Joel with one of his hands, giving you a sarcastic smile. His eyebrows are raised halfway up his forehead to tell you that he didn’t even need to say exactly who he was referring to.

Just as you open your mouth to speak, you feel someone rest their hands on your shoulders, lightly squeezing them, almost an nonverbal way of telling you to stand down. It’s Tommy, and he’s shaking his head, urging everyone to drop this. You chew on the inner flesh of your bottom lip, contemplating your choices. Narrowing your eyes, you take one step forward, Tommy’s hands now slipping away from you.

“Fuck you,” You whisper to James as you brush up past him, your shoulder firmly knocking into his. One of the stable workers opens the gate for you, giving you a firm nod as you pass by.

“Yeah? Fuck me?” he responds, now raising his voice in a way you’ve never heard from him before. “After everything I’ve done for you, for being there for you– now he’s back you’re just going to pretend we–”

Just as you begin to turn on your heel, Tommy cuts in and takes complete control over the situation.

“Hey,” Tommy shouts in a stern tone, cutting James off before he can finish. “Drop it, now. Maria would like to speak to you, tell your friends to go to the North tower, see if they need any help there today.”

James looks dumbfounded by Tommy, almost offended by him obviously choosing sides. He remains standing at the post for a moment longer, staring at the ground with his hands kneading at his hips, before turning to face his friends. You could hear the unmistakable sound of his voice, unable to make out what he was saying to them with the distance you created.

You watch as Nora starts walking back towards the main part of the community while the rest aren’t shy to hide their dirty looks from you. Initially, you didn’t care that much, not entirely bothered by their hateful stares, but it still somewhat hurt deep down inside of you. As angry as you were at James, it hurt you that this was how he thought to get back at you; how intental the damage that would have been caused if it hadn’t been for Tommy. Not being able to take the group’s lingering looks any longer, you drop your head to stare at the ground anticipating their departure.

“By the way, Charles has been wondering where you’ve been– Dot and Henry too,” James calls out from the other side of the gate. Now he’s the one who doesn’t care about who overhears. “Never quite sure what to tell them.”

“James,” Joel growls.

James head shoots in his direction, his reaction directly influencing Joel to take large strides over to the where James stood, the only thing separating the two is the rotting wooden fencing, something that could easily be bypassed. Tommy immediately comes between the two serving as another barrier, placing his hand on James’ chest. James swipes at Tommy’s arm.

“I’m leaving, damn,” He says quietly, giving a deathly glare as Joel and then you.

Callus nudges at one of your shoulders from behind causing you to turn, James’ look burned into your mind. You’re doing everything you can to stop your lip from quivering, running your hand down the smooth snout of the horse which has come to comfort you. Joel returns from the fence, quickly fixing your twisted strap on your backpack. You can feel him staring at you from your side, but you keep your eyes forward, avoiding his gaze– afraid of what might come out of you if you were to look at him. Last thing I need is for everyone, especially him to see me cry, you soothe yourself, desperately holding onto what's left of your ego.

Tommy has now joined the two of you by the entrance of the main stable building, forcing you to face the two men now. Joel takes a step closer to you, your arms brushing up against each other.

“You know this already,” He says to you before fixing his eyes on Joel. “You two stay together, no one does patrol alone… I mean that, Joel.”

Tommy glares at him until Joel acknowledges what he says. Joel gives a simple, single nod which causes Tommy to finally release a long breath of air, his chest very visibly falling.

“Okay,” He says in relief, returning back to his normal self. “We’re still doing dinner tonight right?”

Mhm, Joel hums along with a nod, his hands are stuffed deep in his pockets.

“I’ll meet you there, ‘round 7,” Tommy replies. “Be safe.”

He gives your arm a reassuring squeeze before exiting through the stable’s fence gate and returning to the main part of town. Joel and you are left standing there for a moment. You aren’t quite sure what to say and by Joel’s expression he isn’t quite sure either.

“Everything okay?” Joel is the first to speak, his tone somewhat dry.

Is everything okay? You mock him in your own thoughts. You want to roll your eyes, instead opting for a blake stare. You pass him, heading into the stables to start helping the others where were in the process of readying Lucky.

–

Without exchanging any deciding words, you took the lead for today’s assignment. As per usual, leaving the horses at the old worn down barn that was treated as a halfway point between the community and the treeline that led to the dense forested area. The anger from the events of this morning clung onto you fiercely and no matter how much you tried to push it away, it clung on tighter.

Joel was caught in the crossfire of these events. You weren’t mad at him, but that didn’t stop you from taking it out on him no matter how badly you didn’t want to. Between leaving the front gates to now, Joel tried to talk to you, tried making conversation. You're going to be warm enough with just that, he asked, gesturing to your hoodie tied around your waist. All you could get yourself to do in response was shrug your shoulders, not caring enough to even give him a second look.

“I came over last night to talk to you about somethin’” Joel says, the words coming out weak through his tired breathing. Initially his words piqued an interest with you, but that faded just as quick as it came. “But-uh, didn’t seem like the right time once I was there.”

“And right now is?” You responded just as breathily. The never ending steep hill seems to have taken a toll on you– both of you.

“I’d rather get it over with, good time as any, I suppose,” he says, pausing as if he were waiting for you to give him the go ahead to continue. You felt like you had already given him your answer, letting him decide whether he wanted to go on or not. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “About what happened the day I left…”

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter under your breath, quickening your pace, trying to let Joel fall behind to avoid talking about that. Perhaps on any other day, as uncomfortable as it would have been, you’d be willing to talk about it, but not today… not in the state of mind you're currently in. “There’s nothing to talk about, Joel, I misread your intentions and… and it's been a year. We have a job to do, so let’s just get it done.”

“That’s not–” He takes a deep breath, letting it out forcibly as if he were annoyed. “I tried stopping by your place before I left.”

“Stop,” you say with a bit more bite than you intended.

“I don’t want you to think–” Joel pressed on, truly determined to say whatever he wanted to say.

“Stop it,” you spit. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does now that I’m back,” he raises his voice to talk over you. “I want to make sure–”

“Make sure we’re good?” you interrupt him. “We are, so drop it.”

The two of you come to a stand still. Joel’s chest is quickly rising and falling, his cheeks stained pink by the energy required to climb up the steep hill. A breeze picks up, sweeping Joel’s longish hair over his eyes; he pushes the strands out of way, still holding eye contact with you.

Taking a deep breath as a way to cleanse your mind, an attempt to shake off this anger you feel, you begin to head up the hill again. This time slowing your pace to allow Joel to keep up without exerting himself too much. You both still had a long day ahead of you whether you wanted to be there or not.

As silence ensued, Joel finally accepted that no matter how hard he tried, you did not want to talk to him that night. Although you didn’t want to talk about it, it didn’t stop random thoughts from popping up in your mind. You couldn’t build up the courage to make one particular thought known, to ask him the burning question that haunted you since he left.

Joel managed to make his way to your side, his presence startling you from your deep state of thought. He didn’t say anything, just tightening his grip on his shoulder straps and giving you a quick glance. His jaw clamped shut.

“Were you planning on leaving before…” You stop prematurely as the words rushed out of your mouth, the burning in your chest disappearing the moment you let the words enter reality. A shaky exhale escaped past your lips. Why does it matter, you questioned your own words, if he says no, then what? What does it change?

A nasty feeling overcomes you when he doesn't react, not even looking up from his focused stare at the ground. Nothing? You think, your throat begins to close in on itself.

“Let’s just get this done, I’m tired and my head hurts,” you say, your heart feeling like it shattered into a million pieces.

–

After your little spat with Joel neither of you speak for a long while. A few task related words had been exchanged, but nothing beyond that. As the day ran longer and your mind returned to a neutral state, you felt bad for how you treated Joel. You felt bad for taking out your problem with James on him.

“Sorry I was mean earlier,” you say quietly, picking at the sandwich you brought for lunch today. “Just the whole thing with James, you know?”

“You’re okay, darlin’” Joel says, the words coming out of his mouth smoothly, sending a blanket of warmth over your entire body. “James does that to people, I would know.”

You force yourself to smile, although the guilt of how you treated him earlier when you were still seething with anger continued to eat at you.

“Take this,” Joel added, causing you to look up from your food which you had balanced on one of your knees. He pulled out a neatly folded flannel from his backpack. It turns out that the hoodie you brought was in fact not warm enough, and between your shivering body and your chattering teeth, it must’ve been obvious. “You’re makin’ me cold just watchin’ you.”

You mutter a small thanks to him as you meet him in the middle, taking it from him without any rebuttal or hesitation. As you slip your arms through the baggy sleeve, Joel’s smell engulfs you. Your heart flutters, quickening its pace, and your stomach twists into a knot. A smell that you couldn’t quite describe beyond comforting and one that warmed to the core, more warmth than any jacket could offer you.

“You said you had some stuff to wrap up in Boston” you ask, trying to continue the conversation from earlier and receive some sort of answer from him. Your mouth became dry as you chewed slowly on a small piece of stale bread. “What’d you have to do?”

“A friend, her name’s Tess,” he begins, his words coming out slowly. You remember Joel mentioning Tess once before, a long time ago. “I’ve known her for a while– met her on the road with Tommy after the outbreak happened.”

“I remember you mentioning her,” you say, carefully watching his expression for any changes.

“Yeah, she’s-uh badass… real badass,” he responds, his eyes lighting up. Not good, you tell yourself as a feeling of jealousy washes over you. “I wasn’t planning on being gone so long, but she needed help finishing up some deals, tried convincin’ her to come out with me, but she wanted to stay, so…”

You could see a hint of smile as he spoke about her and then a bit of sorrow at the end.

“You love Tess?” You remember asking him before if they were together, a part of you wondered if that had changed between then and now.

The question catches him off guard.

“No,” He immediately shoots back, his face twisting into a complex expression you couldn’t quite read. “No, no… it’s not like that. We’ve been through a lot together though, and– and I guess sometimes that has blurs the lines a bit.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that so you let the conversation come to an end. The faint song of birds soon fills the air giving you something to listen to as you think over his words over and over again. He doesn’t love her but he feels something for her, you think, the jealousy stabbing into your stomach repeatedly.

“I don’t mean this in a…” He starts, stopping a moment to think, “are you sure Nessa’s your friend?”

The mention of Nessa amidst all of the mess Joel witnessed this morning provokes a laugh from you. You have to bite your lip in order for you to stop and answer his inquiry.

“After this morning, I have no idea,” You tell him nothing but the truth. “We were friends a few days ago. What’d she say?”

Joel shook his head, his eyes lowering to his hand which had been fumbling with the edge of a paper bag that held the jerky he brought along.

“C’mon,” you egg him on. By his reaction, you knew it had to have been nasty and knowing Nessa, you weren’t surprised. You knew how she could get, the things she came up in her mind to say about people who crossed her the wrong way. Though, you never thought you’d be in her line of fire.

“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head again.

“Why are you protecting me?” His resistance causes you to become annoyed. “First with James, now this.”

“James?” He says almost as if he had no idea what you’d been talking about.

“At the stables,” You try to cool your tone, now trying to come off nonchalant. “When he tried to provoke me about Charles and his kids, and even before….”

Joel scoffs, a sense of embarrassment hidden behind it.

“I’m not protectin’ you, I– I–” he stammers and throws the half filled paper bag onto the base of his bad. “It doesn’t matter what she said because it wasn’t true.”

You force down the rest of the food you brought along, not necessarily because you wanted to but more so because it gave you something to do while Joel sulked. The usual Joel that you knew too well returned, and he became standoffish. You didn’t pay much mind to it because something told you that his little mood swing wouldn’t last, so all you could do was wait it out. He put up with my mood earlier, I guess it's only fair if I do the same, you told yourself, stealing glances of the slouching man sitting adjacent from you.

Joel suddenly his throat, catching your attention.

“What do you do when you aren’t on patrol?” His words came out dry, but seemed genuinely curious.

You let out a puff of air. A whole lot of nothing, you thought and what you wanted to tell him. Nothing important or worth talking about.

“I drink with some friend,” you state simply, letting your voice falter on the last word. Joel picked up on your intonation of friends, narrowing his eyes.

“Friends?” He nearly mocked you perfectly. “Who?”

You have to bite your tongue from letting out a small giggle. He should get a kick out of this, you think.

“Don’t laugh,” you say, looking at him through your browline, a small smile appearing on your face. “I spent quite a bit of my evening with Heather and Aimee, Drew too… and Nessa of course, that whole group.”

You very specifically left James out of that out of spite, but you were sure Joel would include him as he was a part of that group. Joel, of course, laughed, nearly choking on his water that he just took in from his canteen.

“I told you not to laugh,” You broke out into a smile as Joel wiped his mouth clean from water and saliva. “Besides, there’s not that many people to choose from.”

“There’s enough people to not choose them,” he quickly rebuttal in a joking tone. You just shrug, mainly because he wasn’t wrong. “I’m assumin’ James is apart of that mix too.”

“Yeah, James is there too,” Your face drops. At least he was, you added just to yourself, Or at least I was, you corrected yourself knowing that the gang would choose him over you in any instance, including Nessa.

“What happened between you two?” He asked genuinely, cocking his head to the side as he studied you. “Is he your–”

“Friend I suppose,” You cut him off desperately wanting him to disassociate you and James as being that. “Just a friend.” You weren’t sure if you clarified for him or more for yourself. “Just some petty drama, hopefully it’s over now.”

That seemed to satisfy Joel’s curiosity because he didn’t press any further or ask more questions regarding your friends.

As you pack up your things, now in a much merrier and less hangry mood than before lunch, you catch Joel watching you. Not watching you in a way that he had in the past. It was almost as if he were stuck on you, unable to peel his eyes off of you even if he wanted to. The shift in the air made butterflies form in your stomach at his consistent attention, you tried to ignore it until you couldn't. The two of you lock eyes as you meet him at the base of a rocky ledge.

“What?” you softly ask as you unbunch your many layers of clothes under the straps of your bag.

“Hm,” he half-consciously responds as if he didn’t entirely grasp onto what you just said.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you expand your question further, causing him to blink quickly a few times as if it were bringing him back to the present moment.

“Like what?” he frantically darts his eyes along the ground, furrowing his brows.

“Like–” you begin to say, but the words are stuck in your throat, unwilling to be heard. With your heart fluttering, you continue. “Nevermind.”

But regardless, you saw it in his eyes.

You saw it.

–

By the time the two of you make it back, the sun has nearly fully set for the day. Your legs hurt, you’re tired, and you’re hungry. The staff who had been there when you left had now all gone home leaving you and Joel to put all the equipment and horses away for the night.

“You hungry?” Joel asks, grunting as he picks up one of the saddles to be put away.

“Very” you drag out the word, letting the exhaustion fill the word entirely.

“Why don’t you join Tommy ‘n I for dinner,” His voice is quiet, slightly nervous sounding. “Goin’ to Jackson BBQ, best BBQ in town.”

“It’s the only…” You begin to say, your exhaustion not allowing yourself to pick up on his joke, only stopping once you realize.

He gives you a slight smile which causes you to stop for a moment and take in his offer.

“I– I don’t want to intrude,” You say quietly, though you want to say yes a million times over. “I know how much he’s missed you, so…”

“He admitted that?” Joel asks with a smirk, wiping his hands off on his already dirty jeans and taking a step in front of you.

“Not in those words, but…” You smile, lowering your head to hide your face. Joel lets out a hearty laugh.

“Well, I want you to come,” He follows up with a laugh still lingering in his voice. His emphasis on want made you flinch, not in a bad way, but his directness catches you off guard. When you finally look up from the ground to look at him, he’s eyeing you nearly identical to when you had packed up after lunch. Your breathing hitches. “He won’t mind.”

Joel adds the last part after a few moments of silence between the two you, the soft neighs of the horses and rustle of the wind fill in the spaces.

You draw in a deep, slow breath; the cool air burning your lungs.

“Okay,” You finally agreed.

read chapter fourteen here!

painting divider | credit: @cottage-writings

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skynapple · 2 months

Text

Budding Romance | Ch. 5

Love and Deepspace | Jeremiah x MC / slow-burn / friends-to-lovers

warnings: none

Multi-chapter | A03 link

Beginning | <;- Prev | Next ->

A long time ago, a leader encourages her commander. At present, a florist deals with customers who just won't leave.

It was a long, long time ago. The early morning air of Philos was crisp, cool, but not quiet. Birds and creatures rang in unison with the sound of metal clamor as soldiers readied throughout their tasks, sharpening swords, tending to each other, organizing supplies, and readying breakfast. A rosy glow had settled onto the horizon over the mountains in the distance. Jeremiah sat on a makeshift bench of stacked crates, sharpening his sword with a special tool. Dew began to settle into his clothing, making him shiver a little. In spite of his efforts, the edge of his blade wasn't cooperating. He grumbled and tried not to be frustrated. Nothing but precision and patience would fix it faster.

The tent behind him rustled and out emerged their leader, her. The war skirt and thick coat she wore that matched his caught the early morning's first rays, glittering like stars. He glanced up at her, ready to spring up if necessary, but didn't move from his position. While he respected her as her second-in-command, deep down, she was still only his friend.

"Ah, she emerges from her slumber." He started, tone dripping with humor and sarcasm.

"Jeremiah." She greeted, somewhat coldly.

"You look…well rested, my lady. One might wonder what you dreamed of."

Half a smirk curved up one side of her lips, disappearing as soon as it appeared.

"In my dream…" She took a step closer to him. For a brief moment, he felt mildly threatened and felt his shoulders tense.

"…Xavier returned," She finished, her gaze softening, causing him to make a face.

"Allow me a guess, my lady," he rolled his eyes, "He took you ever-so-gracefully in his arms and-" Now he made a kissing face in mockery causing her to blush a deep red.

Pain struck his shoulder where her fist connected with it. "Stay your tongue! It was nothing of that kind. I refuse to be trifled with so early in the morning." After clearing her throat, she placed some distance between them and crossed her arms.

"Fine, fine." He stood now, setting his sword to the side knowing he wouldn't finish his sharpening anytime soon. "Any new orders, ma'am?"

She stared at the horizon, tiredly. A light breeze caught her bangs and ruffled the fronds of her war skirt. It glittered even more now. If he thought about it, she looked breathtaking. But he didn't, only being concerned with what she said next. "We move out westward back towards Starfall forest. I sense fluctuations growing stronger there."

"How can you be sure?"

She flashed a smile at him. "It came to me in a dream."

He almost rolled his eyes. "Very well. Perhaps that bastard's spirit comes with the light then." He gave the rosy dawn one last look. "These wanderers are relentless." He sighed. "No matter how far we press them back, they return. Are we even doing any good?"

She reached over to grab the hilt of his sword that he'd settled beside them. "I understand your frustration, but we're in this together." She said, handing it over to him. "I need your resolve."

Despite her weariness, there was clarity in her eyes that he hadn't seen lately.

"Sharpen your sword, Jeremiah. Our fight is not yet through."

Nodding at her words, he settled it into its hilt. While it was more or less a direct command, the much needed encouragement struck his heart. She had a way of making him feel just a little less wise when he spoke his mind too thoughtlessly. Not that he minded. It was better this way.

"I shall prepare the troops, ma'am." Bowing his head, he went away to carry off orders."

---

Jeremiah brought himself back to the present. It was a distant time, different circumstances. He tried to remind himself not to think about it too much. Up until now, many of the memories hadn't resurfaced often, and when they did it was brief and fuzzy. It wasn't that he didn't care to remember, just that in the past there wasn't much benefit to dwell. Normally, when his memories had gone her way, it had been to wonder if she was alive, and how she was faring as a leader of their forlorn nation. Now, this other version of her was right in front of him. He found himself struggling with how much of what resurfaced was true memory, and how much of it was what he wanted to be a memory. He wondered if Xavier was going through much of the same.

Right now, he decided to focus on the task in front of him, which at the time was coordinating florals for a customer who just couldn't make up their mind. Despite the many, many suggestions and attempts to narrow their vision, they just wouldn't decide.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her standing outside his shop. She'd been there for the better part of an hour, more concerned about whatever was on her phone screen than anything else in the world. For the time being, he'd made no attempt to catch her attention, or poke his head out to see what she was up to, or why there. At first he had half a mind to wonder if there were Wanderers outside, despite not having sensed any protofield fluctuations in the area. Although, it had been long enough now where he assumed that wasn't the case. He continued to be busy helping customers for a while, unable to pay her much attention, just observing now and then that she remained unmoved outside.

Eventually she stepped inside. By then, the sky had darkened outside, setting a soft glow through the glass walls of the shop. He barely noticed, only looking up to notice her now and then until finally the customer he'd been long tending to finally finished their transaction and left. Even then, he didn't have time to greet her. He spent time on the phone, placing a few orders and absent-mindedly arranging a new bouquet. When finally he hung up, he looked up to see she was walking towards him and waving.

"Xavier's not here today." He said, tiredly. Ignoring his words, she crouched below the counter in front of him, hands on the glass, peering up expectantly like a puppy.

"You free?"

In confusion, he rose a brow. "I'm literally at work."

"All your customers are gone now."

"Well, first of all, we don't close until 5."

"I know!" She held up her phone. "It's 4:30. How long does it take you to close up?"

Was she… waiting?

Ignoring that question in his mind, he refocused on the arrangement in front of him, "Was that you outside the whole time?"

"Yeah, I was going to come in sooner, but I was trying to beat this level. Have you heard of Amor and High Earth?" She began to give the details of a game he had never heard of, and the more she talked about it, the more he realized he would never have an interest in playing. The topic shifted then to shows that were interesting lately, and her voice then occupied the quiet minutes of the next half hour.

It was nice to just hear her voice again, despite the casual tone that he still wasn't quite used to hearing. While Philos-her had always been less formal with him than Xavier, she definitely hadn't used the slang that this. The words tickled his brain, making him laugh for no reason occasionally. She seemed to think it was because he thought she was entertaining. So on and on she went.

This version of her likes to talk. A lot. Cute.

A short time later, he stood locking the doorfront and turning to her, pausing with a quizzical expression. "You, uh, really aren't looking for Xavier?"

She shook her head with a smile. "No, I try not to bother him outside of work. He's always really busy, and then basically goes home and sleeps. I'm pretty sure he was just getting back when I left."

Jeremiah still couldn't imagine why she'd possibly need him, but, he didn't mind in the slightest that she felt comfortable enough coming to him. "Well, if there's something you need, I'm at your service. No charge. My supplies are in the greenhouse, so we can head back that way." Right when he was turning away from her, she reached out to tap his arm. "Actually-" The expression on her face said she had something else entirely in mind, making him rise an eyebrow.

"-The summer night market is back downtown! I wanted to play this game but you need two people."

It was a pitiful excuse, but he couldn't possibly have know that.

She looked so genuine to him about it, that he couldn't help but smile a little compassionately, now feeling bad that she had to wait for him so long. "Is that all? You didn't need to wait for 2 hours like a stalker! You should have called!"

"I… don't have your number." She responded, looking a little sheepishly away.

"Oh. Surely Xavier could have given it to you if you asked!"

"I wasn't sure if that would be ok…"

Right after he said it, he realized she probably wouldn't have gotten it from him had she asked anyhow. The thought of his friends pointless jealousy creeped up again, making him think some naturally devious thoughts. Only, Xavier wouldn't be around tonight if he did hang out with her, and knowing that made him a little cautious. There wasn't much point to fake-flirting if the party he was trying to make jealous wasn't present. Then again, if it was a good time maybe she'd talk about it to him. He could almost see the man's expression now.

Casually he leaned over, now resolved in his mischief. "If you just wanted my number this badly…You definitely should have asked him. No worries though. I'm flattered."

After exchanging contacts, he winked. "So where's this game? I'll give it my all since you were so keen on my partnership. Unlike someone else, I promise to be reliable tonight."

He wasn't sure where the tone shift came from. Force of habit. She tended to bring up things in him he'd long forgotten.

You have to do better. She's not the same person. Forget it. Just pretend she's… any other new friend.

Thankfully, she found it amusing but nevertheless was quick to defend her embarrassment. "It's not that. Just.. none of my other friends were available either. They're all on duty. That's all! Come on!"

Saying this, she grabbed his arm and indeed dragged him away.

#madi writes #jeremiah x mc #love and deepspace jeremiah #love and deepspace #love and deepspace mc #lnds jeremiah #lnds mc #l&ds jeremiah #lnd jeremiah #jeremiah x skylar #madi plays lnds

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idkagoodname · 2 months

Text

My Voice, My Mind, Me

My Hero Academia Reader Insert

What would happen if a young kid was shoved into a life of criminal activities because of their unique abilities. What would happen if they had an opportunity to change.

a/n: this is a series about a kid who has the ability to control people through his voice.

Prologue ~ 1

The projects- Kamagasaki, Osaka, is where you were born. Ultimately, forgotten about and uncared for by police and rarely ever patrolled by hero's- and if there was, you would consider them D rank, probably more like E rank. Which meant the area was riddled with gangs, thugs, theives, the average person, was what you would believe.

You were born into this environment, your family belonged to a small gang on the west side of town. And despite the infamy, life here wasn't that bad, you basically knew everyone by the age of five. Or more accurately everyone knew who you were. When your quirk manifested it was a spectacle, a miracle even. Your mother was quirkless, and your father had a simple projection quirk that made his voice louder. So when you had fought with a kid in the middle of class, it was more of a glorified homeschool (also considered a glorified daycare) with kids from all over the neighborhood.

Anyways, some kid had poured the remaining paint you had all over the portrait you had spent two whole days on, and begged your mom for hours to buy you paints for it. So when you yelled at him for ruining your drawing and screaming at him " if you wanted the paint so badly you should just eat it!" and to the 'teachers' horror when she walked back into the room to see everyone fighting to swallow paint, and your crying face because everyone was now ruining your portrait and for some reason your throat was killing you.

From then on, your life was changed, not that you would really remember. You were forced out of school and introduced to the new life of a gang at the very young age of 4. Your parents had tried to leave the city with you, but were ultimately found, and sadly killed. And since you could barely withstand the use of your powerful voice, the people who took you slowly started to implement their work into your daily life.

"where's mommy?" you would ask to the men who came and go throughout the new place you stayed at.

"She's in a better place"

"like somewhere it don't smell?"

"Haha! Somewhere like that"

"is she coming back?"

"Mm I don't think so."

"I want my mommy!"

"Calm down kid, calm down" people rushed past you "someone get the boss!"

"I WANT MY MOM!" You continued to scream and now thrash about as some members had tried to contain you and cover your mouth causing you to bite the hands of these men.

"G!-" you were cut off by a wave of calm and your body went somewhat slack as you felt a hand rub the top of your head.

"whats wrong with you now?" the voice said, and you looked up to see Makato, he was closer with the gang leader, and hence had a higher up position within the small West Side gang. He was also ordered to be your personal caretaker, aka make sure you don't freak out and use your quirk on accident. His quirk allowed him to influence a person's emotions through physical contact. Very effective for keeping you in line.

"I...miss my mom"

"but she left you. She left you here why would you want her back?" The voice sympathized, and grabbed both sides of your head. You felt the slow creep of anger through your chest, but not anger, sadness? Disgust?..Betrayal.

"She's not coming back, but we're here for you. We'll teach you how to survive, because yer mommy left you but we'll stay for you. Pinky promise?"

The bad feelings you felt were suddenly replaced by feelings of trust, trust toward the man in front of you, and the trust for the people around you. You rubbed eyes tired from the onslaught of emotions thrusted upon you and brought up your pinky to meet Makotos.

"..kay".

#mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #x reader #reader insert #anime #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #kirishima eijirou #snipe #kamui woods #ochako uraraka #inumaki toge #toge

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josefavomjaaga · 1 year

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Hello! I was wondering if you’ve ever come across anything regarding Eugène’s relationship with Fouché? I was just browsing Hortense’s memoirs and she off-handedly mentions that Fouché disliked Eugène. It’s the first time I’ve seen either mentioned in regard to the other so now I’m curious. Here’s the excerpt; the “attempt” in question was when Friedrich Staps tried to murder Napoleon in 1809:

“The generals and other officers, shocked that such an attempt should have been made and alarmed at the idea of what might have happened, had considered seriously the situation arising from the absence of any direct heir to the imperial throne. They debated who might have been chosen as the Emperor’s successor had the attempt succeeded, and unanimously voted for the Viceroy. Public opinion throughout France indorsed the verdict. Rumors of this reached the Emperor and displeased him. They revived all his ideas concerning a divorce and later caused him to say to me during one of our conversations: “It became a necessity; public opinion demanded it.” I believe also that Fouché, with his skill for intrigue and dislike for my brother, took advantage of the episode to bring the matter of a divorce again to the Emperor’s attention. He perhaps even mentioned that my mother and I were deliberately engaged in promoting Eugène’s popularity.”

Hi, and thank you for the Ask! 💖

Of the top of my head, I could not point my finger to any particular interaction between the two, neither negative nor positive. Once Eugène was in Milan, while Fouché stayed in Paris, there was barely a chance for them to be at odds with each other, at least directly. And before that, Eugène simply had not had a high enough rank (officially) to be of much importance.

That Eugène was not fond of Fouché, especially after Fouché had tried to talk Josephine into a divorce in 1807, that I will believe. Josephine wrote to Eugène in detail about it. When Fouché in 1813/4 went on his mission to Italy, he not only saw Murat but also Eugène, and in his memoirs he (or whoever wrote in his name) claims that only after Fouché had explained it to him did Eugène understand that his future, too, was in jeopardy should Napoleon fall (which, I believe, is somewhat contradicted by Eugène's own correspondence with Auguste and their constant worries about the future of their children).

And then, during the second Restauration, Fouché, on the run and kicked out of France, asked Eugène for protection and an asylum in Bavaria. Which Eugène politely but very firmly declined. And that's rather unusual, for him.

As to the events Hortense relates in her memoirs, being the malicious person that I am I always read that a little differently 😊:

First of all, I assume it to be blown somewhat out of proportion, with Hortense trying to give Eugène more importance than he truly had. Though, in fairness, there are Austrian sources that point in the same direction, so something may really have gone on in the army (Napoleon's main base of support!). That there was a huge portion of dissatisfied men and officers ever since the Polish campaign, that much at least seems to be clear (the "Roi Nicolas" affair in Portugal, with several high-ranking officers either conspiring with the enemy or at least revolting against Soult, happens almost at the same time). It's possible that they (or some of them) picked Eugène as a rallying figure, as somebody who might bring some calm and restraint for the future.

And secondly, I always understood this to mean that Josephine and Hortense of course really had intrigued on Eugène's behalf and tried to win public support for the idea of Eugène as Napoleon's successor. Fouché had reported to Napoleon about it - as was his job! -, Napoleon had not taken it well (as was to be expected), and now Fouché was an enemy of Eugène's in the eyes of Josephine and Hortense 😁. (Napoleon did react badly to all signs of Eugène gaining a reputation of his own at this time, there's also Eugène's panicked reaction about a book someone had written about his campaign and that he had not managed to seize in time before it reached Paris. And as to Hortense and Josephine pushing Eugène into the limelight, there is another incident during the Russian campaign, when an account of the Battle of Malojaroslavetz praising Eugène and the Army of Italy to the sky "accidentally" found its way into a French newspaper...)

So, from the little evidence we have, I'd argue Fouché was rather Josephine's enemy, and only in extension that of Eugène (Eugène being designated as Napoleon's successor would of course have resolved the question of a divorce forever). If he acted in opposition to Eugène, it surely was in accordance with Napoleon's plans (which may or may not have coincided with Fouché's own).

As usual, I wish I had a better answer. But I'll pay attention from now on, maybe I come across some more actual interaction between the two in the future. Thanks again for the Ask!

#napoleon's family #eugene de beauharnais #joseph fouché

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warden-melli · 7 months

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❤️⬛▼★

Melli, please ? (And more preferably about his biological parents for the family headcanon).

Sure ^^ Sorry I took so long to get to your ask. My headcanons for his family and backstory are pretty extensive, so feel free to ask more headcanon stuff if you’re interested. I’ve developed a pretty detailed headcanon verse for the PLA world/characters, I’ve just never really had much of an opportunity to share them.

♥ - family headcanon

Melli’s mother’s name is Fiana, and she works as a jewellery/charm maker. She has a particular passion for memento mori, and assists her mother (Melli’s grandmother) in her role as the Diamond Clans funeral celebrant, death doula, and herbalist. While jewellery making is where she earns the majority of her income, her true passion is Kalosian literature, and cuisine, something she’s sadly only experienced sparingly, and solely vicariously through the rare Kalosian traveler that would occasionally visit the village in her youth. Equally as known for her beauty as she is her rebellious and often opinionated personality, she has developed quite the reputation as a trouble maker. Her hair is long and dark, and her eyes are the same shade of blue as her sons. Her partner is Dustox, whom she was raised with as a sister. Her childhood best friend is Adaman’s mother, Minette.

Melli’s father is a rather plain, shortish man with warm brown skin, thin dark hair, a sharp wit and a lax demeanour named Haru. He is a brewer by trade, though is often caught slacking off with his fishing pole in the water ways near the Diamond Clans village. His partner pokemon is (a particularly plump) Raichu who is far happier snoozing in the village than facing any form of battle. While Melli’s mothers side of the family has been living in Hisui for generations, Melli’s father’s family only made the journey from the Johto region to join the Diamond Clan village in Hisui when Haru was only a few years old. He quickly adapted to the Hisui lifestyle, befriending several other children including his future wife Fiana, as well as meeting his lifelong best friend, Nok (Adman’s father).

From their youth Melli’s parents and Adman’s parents were inseparable, often pushing the boundaries of the villages rules, and adventuring throughout the Hisui region, and even secretly making friends with some members of the Pearl Clan. They all developed reputations as slackers and troublemakers, with Melli’s parents seen as bad influences, especially to Nok, the son of the Diamond Clans then leader leader, who was expected to follow in his fathers footsteps. When Nok came of age and publicly declined the position of leader, it was Haru who was blamed for his decision, especially when the two teamed up to start their own brewery shortly after. Despite the controversy Noks father, Leader Solitaire, begrudgingly accepted his sons decision, choosing to stay Leader until Nok either changed his mind, or another candidate for Leader would put themselves forward for the position.

His parents became closer in their teens, before falling in love and marrying in their early 20’s, causing quite the stir in the village. Despite her reputation, her beauty, her brothers respected title as Warden, and her families long history with the Diamond Clan ensured that Melli’s mother was seen as an incredibly desirable marriage candidate, having turned down many suitors before announcing her engagement. Haru was the victim of jealous rumours and mean spirited remarks from many in the village, with some loudly declaring that he was “not good enough” to be Fiana’s husband. To many he was not considered handsome enough, or to have a high enough status to marry somebody like Fiana, and because of his families somewhat recent history in the Hisui region many considered him to be “barely not an outsider”. The two responded to this treatment as they always did. They ignored it and did what they wanted to do anyway.

They tried for children almost straight away, yet failed to receive “Sinnoh’s blessings”. Minette, who was pregnant with her son at the time, assured Fiana that Sinnoh would bless her “when it’s time”, with Nok insisting that the true cause of their troubles probably originated from a well placed Wydeer kick that Haru had taken during an adventure in their teens. Despite being incredibly overjoyed for their friends blessing, the couple couldn’t help but feel a little jealous when Minette gave birth to a baby boy, Adaman.

While they remained best friends, after Adaman’s arrival the two couples had less time to spend in each others company, as Nok and Minette were busy with their newborn. Adaman was only a week or so old when a mysterious traveller from the Kalos region made contact with their village. He was looking for guidance and a safe place to stay while he was in the region. The villagers, wary of outsiders, hesitantly allowed him to enter. This was not out of the goodness of their hearts, but because he was travelling with a trusted group of merchants with whom their Clan had traded with for years, when their ships would dock on Hisuain shores as they made their way to more populated lands.

The traveller was like no one that any of them had ever seen before. Toweringly tall, with intense eyes and and a frightening air of mystery about him, Fiana and Haru were intrigued, and with their friends busy, they volunteered to be his guide. Many in the village, but especially the Warden in the Fieldlands warned them to be careful travelling with the man, yet they saw it as a chance to have another adventure. The warden personally confronted the couple, warning of outsiders and their wicked ways, yet they ignored him taking on the role anyway.

The man was quiet at first, secretive and vague about what it was exactly he was after, yet regardless was eager to learn about the region and the pokemon that resided in it. Over the first few weeks after his arrival the traveler mostly stayed silent, listening to the couple banter as they traveled the region, before returning to the village at night and hiding away until it was time to venture out again in the morning. Slowly, as they adventured day after day, he slowly began joining in on their jokes, asking questions about them and their lives and slowly opening up tiny facts about himself. Pretty soon they had explored all that they could in a single day. The group then started taking trips that would last days away from the village. On these trips, alone in the Hisui wilds, the traveller and the young couple would bond quickly, the man apologising for his coldness towards them, and opening up about his true purpose in visiting the region. He was looking for a certain pokemon, one that he had heard rumours of being sighted in the area, as told to him by the very merchants that he had traveled to the region with in the first place. They reported seeing a small, mysterious flower pokemon, and the traveller desired to find it. Fiana and Haru were intrigued by the possibility, and after quickly ruling out the local Roselia’s as the pokemon in question, the group set out to find it.

What began as a cold, reserved and almost sorrowful man quickly turned to a charming, well spoken, and intensely interesting person who seemed to delight in telling the pair tales of his travels, bits about his home region of Kalos and who equally seemed just as interested by their stories of the almighty Sinnoh, the noble pokemon and of the land in which they called home. Over the months they grew closer, the man becoming more trusting of the Diamond Clan, and in turn, the Clan becoming more accepting of his presence among them. Their bond continued to grown until one night, when camping over night in the Fieldlands during one of their expeditions, all three of them decided to escalate their relationship, and they decided to sleep together. This was of course forbidden, as the two were married and this traveller was an outsider to their clan, and yet Fiana and Haru did what they always did. Whatever it is they wanted. And they had the best night.

Their bond only grew after that night, and the next few months were spent with many more nights like it as they continued their adventure to try and find the mysterious pokemon. Secretly, the couple wished the man would never find his prize so that he might stay with them in Hisui forever, yet one afternoon, in the Fieldlands not too far from where they all spent their first night together, they finally found what they were looking for. A field of previously dead flowers came to life as they watched a small green and white pokemon with flowers on it’s back frolic in the newly formed flower meadow. They looked to the man expecting him to be excited upon finally sighting the pokemon he had traveled all the way there to just to catch a glimpse of, yet he looked defeated instead. Tearfully he told them that that wasn’t the pokemon that he was hoping to find, and that that meant that it was time for him to leave Hisui, as he couldn’t rest until he found it. They tried to change his mind, urging him to join their clan, yet he refused to agree. Finally, they managed to get him to agree to at least return to the Clan overnight, but as the trio entered the village they were confronted by the then Warden of the fieldlands, the Diamond Clan leader and much of the village who seemed to be waiting for their return. It was then that the Warden revealed that as he had been mistrustful of the outsider had been trailing them, and that he had sighted the trio during one of their adventures engaging in forbidden behaviour. He had informed the entire Clan of the outsiders disrespect in leading two members of their clan astray.

Fiana and Haru tried to defend themselves, yet refused to deny the accusation. The traveller just stood, with a blank stare as the village turned on him, hurling insults and judgments before the leader silenced them so that he may talk. Leader Solitaire looked almost remorseful as he explained that his hands were tied, and as the rules were clear he had no choice to expel the man from the Clan immediately, banishing him from the village and forbidding any member of their Clan to speak to him from that moment on. The man told Haru and Fiana to cease their objections, and addressed the entire Clan. He confirmed that the fault was all his, that he had in fact lead the clan members astray, and that he would gladly leave this land. Fiana and Haru tired to argue, yet he would hear nothing of it as he left them there, his final words a bitter reflection about the state of humanity, and of what a fool he had been to think the Diamond Clan were any different. He left the pair with one final smile as he disappeared into the wilds.

Their reputation was in tatters after that, but their good relationship with the Clan leader, and his son ensured that the pair weren’t thrown from the village. Nok and Minette, who were well aware of the nature of their relationship, mourned their loss with them in private, passing no judgment on them and continuing to work and be seen with them in public. It was a few weeks later, approaching Adaman’s first birthday, that Fiana realised that she had fallen pregnant. The couples initial wave of joy was short lived, as when they shared the news with the rest of the Clan rampant speculation had begun about who the true father of the unborn child was. The two had considered this themselves, deciding that it didn’t matter to them who the “true” father had been, as despite being caught they didn’t regret the time they had spent with the traveller at all, and they welcomed any blessing that Sinnoh would grace them with.

When the baby was born it was clear immediately that the traveller had been the one, yet true to their word Haru and Fiana didn’t love the child any less, and were so proud and overjoyed by “her” birth. They named the baby “girl”, Camellia, after the flowers that grew in Haru’s homeland of Johto, the imagery of which Fiana had adopted and would often incorporate into her jewellery designs, and as an homage to the traveller and his quest to find his flower pokemon.

The Clan members could instantly tell that Camellia was the child of the traveller, yet due to the interference of the leader kept their judgments mostly to themselves, partially to avoid the Pearl Clan getting wind of the embarrassing scandal, and to shield the child from the truth. The families connection with the Leader also helped, and in time their reputation recovered slightly, although never recovered fully, to this day with the couple being the subjects of much speculations and gossip. Melli is their only child.

■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

Melli for much of the year lives away from the rest of the Diamond Clan, up on Mt Coronet in the highlands near Moonview Arena. It’s a small wooden cabin that has served generations of Wardens, having previously been the home of his uncle before inheriting it after his death. While he ventures down to the rest if the Clan often during the warmer months, staying with his parents whenever he’s in the village, he spends much of the winter completely isolated up on the mountain to care for Lord Electrode during the harsh icy weather. Grass types and ice don’t mix.

For the most part he likes living alone. He can eat whenever he wants to, can sing as pound as he wants, and there’s no concerned Clan aunties to yell at him for staying up late. He does get extremely lonely though, and always looks forward to mail (as delivered by lord Braviary) or visits from friends when the weather is agreeable.

▼ - childhood headcanon

Gender non-conforming trans masc. Realised he was a boy extremely young, but was too shy to tell anyone but Adaman at first, who he bonded to after Adaman accepted him as a boy straight away. He and Adaman kept it as a secret for a few years, until, with much coaching from Adaman, Melli was finally ready to tell his parents, who accepted him straight away. I headcanon that being trans in this time period/universe is generally understood and accepted, yet still comes with its own sets of expectations and problems with expectations of trans peoples roles in society, and with transition having it’s own barriers due to the technology of the time.

As they were best friends, (and before Melli came out) Melli and Adaman’s parents had pipe dreams that one day the two may be husband and wife.

Melli made friends with Stunky after Adaman’s dad offered to take both kids out to befriend an eevee. Melli instantly thought he was adorable, but was emboldened to make friends with him after adults in the village insisted that “a stunky wasn’t a suitable partner for a little girl” encouraging him to befriend a eevee like Adaman. This awoke his stubborn streak, and he insisted on keeping the stunky around. His Grandmother with a Skuntank partner of her own, came to his defence, and with her blessing, he was allowed to keep the stunky around.

★ - sad headcanon

Melli, as a teenager, found his uncle dead up on the mountain when going to visit him while he was the Warden to Lord Electrode.

He could always tell that members of the Clan treated him differently, and that contributed to his shyness initially, but then also boosted his desire to prove himself. He often feels like the harder he tries to make people respect or like him, the more people pull away. Has developed his overly confident personality as a shield to both cover his shyness, and to try and emulate Adaman and be the type of person/friend who’s confident and capable enough to help Adaman become a great leader.

Due to some expectations placed on him as a child, and the response from certain members of the village, and changes to his relationships that occurred after he came out as trans, he often wonders if it would have been easier to “stay in the closet”, despite knowing he’d be absolutely miserable.

(This ended up being extremely long, and is likely very rough, so please excuse any mistakes lol, I’ve stayed up all night writing this and I need sleep. I’m always happy to elaborate/answer headcanon questions, both for my personal canon headcanons, and for more general canon stuff too. I love Melli so much, I could talk about him forever)

#long post #pokemon legends arceus #pokemon #warden melli #melli #ask melli #Head canon #melliverse #adaman

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sterlingxlevin · 18 days

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[cis woman, she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [STERLING LEVIN]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [MADELYN CLINE]. You must be the [TWENTY-THREE] year old [ATTENDANT AT SEASIDE ANIMAL RESCUE]. Word is you’re [SWEET] but can also be a bit [STUBBORN] and your favorite song is [HERE COMES THE SUN BY THE BEATLES]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [AURORA BAY DRIVE]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

Family:

Father: James Levin (NPC, owner of 5 star restaraunt, Neptune)

Mother: Agnes Levin (deceased)

Sister: Elizabeth Levin

Daughter: Sunny Elizabeth Levin

Aunt: Noelle Driscoll

Cousins: Lucy Driscoll, Nora Levin

Sunny:

Named after Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles, a song Agnes would sing to Liza and Sterling when they were little.

Age: 4 (will be 5 this month)

Birthday: April 15

Appearance: A mini Sterling. Same hair, eye color, etc.

Personality: sweet, sassy, has an attitude like her mama.

trigger warnings: car accident, pregnancy, PPD, mentions of labor

When you’re born into money, everyone thinks you have everything you could ever want or need. Sure, Sterling and her sister had the best clothes, one of the biggest houses on Aurora Bay Drive, a vacation home, and nearly everything two young girls could dream of, but there’s more of a need than what money can buy.

Sterling was really little when she lost her mother in a car accident, and while she can’t remember everything about her mother, she certainly recalls how different life was with Agnes Levin in it. And Sterling recalled how her mother’s absence changed everything. She remembered how sad her father was, she remembered how her sister took on the motherly role of taking care of everything, and Sterling remembered how angry she became. It was as though the only emotion she could possibly express about any of it was anger. She became hot-headed, rude, and she was mean to her sister because she felt as though she were trying to replace their mom. Sterling didn’t like to talk about their mom, though, especially when she got older because she couldn’t remember much about her and it only made her feel worse.

To help her with these big emotions, James tried to help by being there when he could. He tried talking to Sterling about it, tried getting her into therapy, but what really seemed to help was getting Sterling active in things she enjoyed. One summer James enrolled Sterling in a camp where she became a certified lifeguard, and that girl basically living on the beach was happier than she’d been in years. James encouraged this and was happy when Sterling started surfing and swimming more and she was in the ocean 24/7.

When Sterling got to high school, not much changed. She still loved the ocean and that was where she found her peace, but she was still struggling with being angry and she was still upset with Liza for “replacing their mom”. It was stupid to think that way and Sterling knew it, but even as a teenager, her feelings were still so big she didn’t know how to navigate them. Because of this and the stress of school on top of it, Sterling became somewhat of a wild child. She would skip classes to go surfing, she’d sneak out and party with her friends, and it drove James crazy with worry.

However, Sterling calmed down a bit when she met the boy that she believed would be her high school sweetheart. They started dating Sophomore year and they stayed together throughout the rest of school. Sterling and all of her friends were convinced that he was the one- that he and Sterling would truly be together forever, but that didn’t happen.

The summer after Sterling had turned eighteen, all her friends were talking about which colleges they were going to and what their plans were, Sterling learned something that would change her life forever. After realizing her period was abnormally late, she felt a bit panicked and came to her older sister and told her about it. Liza went with Sterling to get a pregnancy test and it was positive. Sterling was terrified and she had no idea what to do but she trusted her older sister to help her through it. And when Sterling told her boyfriend, he broke up with her and left to continue his plans for his future without her… without them.

Sterling was scared and made Liza promise she wouldn’t tell their father just yet. It wasn’t until Sterling went to her first doctor’s appointment and saw her ultrasound that she decided she was going to keep her baby. It was then that Sterling, with the support of her sister, told their father. To Sterling’s relief, James was willing to support her through it too.

All of Sterling’s friends went on to fulfill their dreams by going to college or moving out to LA to pursue their careers, and while Sterling had been dreaming of a million things before she graduated high school– things that would take her far from Aurora Bay– that’s now where she stayed.

Sterling’s pregnancy wasn’t terribly difficult. In fact, she enjoyed being pregnant. She was still so scared but she thought it was cool to see the changes in herself and to feel the baby moving around in her belly. It made her so excited, especially when she found out she was having a girl. One night, she and her sister were looking through baby names online while listening to the Beatles (their mother’s favorite band), when Here Comes the Sun began to play. The name Sunny popped into Sterling’s head and she knew that’s what was going to stick.

Sterling gave birth on April 15th, 2019, to a beautiful little girl she named Sunny Elizabeth Levin. And while Sterling’s pregnancy wasn’t that difficult, the labor and pretty much everything else was. Sterling spent over twenty-four hours in labor with Liza by her side the whole time, then after they were finally allowed to go home, Sterling found herself feeling really down. It was so difficult and Liza and James helped as much as they could, but Sterling eventually hired a nanny to help them out. Sterling didn’t know the first thing about being a mother and there were so many times she cried in Liza’s arms, telling her how badly she wished Agnes was there to help her figure out what to do. If she couldn’t have her own mother there, she figured a nanny who was a mother of her own children, could help.

The nanny would come over every day and help out as much as possible, giving Sterling tips and allowing her time to herself. Sterling did try therapy during this time and it definitely helped her this time around. During all of this, Sterling had an incredible support system and two of those people in that support system were some of her friends from high school that either didn’t move or did and came back. One was a girl she’d been best friends with since she was little and the other was a boy she soon developed feelings for during this time but since she had a newborn, she never pursued anything with him.

It’s been nearly five years now since Sunny was born, and while Sterling is still navigating motherhood, she has come a long way. She adores her daughter so much and would do anything for her. And since Sunny is now a bit older, Sterling has been doing a few more things for herself as of late, like getting back into the dating scene and even working on her own surfing line with one of her best friends.

Wanted connections:

Nanny that helped Sterling with Sunny

Sterling's best friend who stayed behind

Sterling's love interest after she'd had Sunny

Exes

Baby daddy

Hookups

Friends

#tw car accident mention #tw pregnancy #tw ppd mention

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coolcattime · 9 months

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Hi hi hi!

So since there was some interest in Mianite Your Turn to Die, and I know that it'll be a while before I actually write it (since I want to play at least most of the alternative route I haven't before deciding how the deaths are going to pan out in the AU), so I thought I'd share my planning description document for what is Chapter One, Part One of the game or Volume One of the manga.

As a little bit of a warning this is kinda long, as in this is 5000 words because in a fic I'd split this into at least 2 or 3 chapters and it's mostly just all together because of the game structure. I'm not sure how much sense it all makes because, well it's written for me to remember what's going to happen and to make sure I don't miss events or foreshadowing (or even just little details I found cute or funny).

For more general warnings, this will contain spoilers for Your Turn to Die. It's a bit of a mix of the game and the manga, just because I think there are moments I prefer in the manga so I wanted to include them when possible.

Within this there will be major character death and a somewhat graphic description of violence. This is kind of unavoidable for this story, but still please read at your own caution. These warnings only really apply under the heading 'The Practice Vote' however, there will be discussion of death throughout.

But with all that cleared up, this is my way too descriptive planning document for Mianite YTTD!

Prologue

Tom wakes up in a darkened study room realising he fell asleep without meaning to and that he's now going to have to walk home in the dark. This puts him more than a little on edge as he has been being stalked recently, which is actually why he'd been so tired in the first place (as it turns out being on edge isn't the best way to get to sleep). But as much as he might not want too, he does need to get home.

As he's leaving, he runs into Jordan, who he certainly didn't expect to see but he definitely is a welcome sight. Jordan says he remembered that he was studying and thought he'd meet him and walk him home, but jokes that he never expected Tom to stay so late studying. Tom laughs this off and happily accepts company on the way home.

On the journey back, they discuss Tom's stalker which puts him on edge. They swiftly change topic to the fact that Jordan is apparently planning on asking someone out soon but won't tell Tom who, and Tom is trying to get more details so he can guess.

"Come on, you've got to tell me. What if he's a jerk?"

"I promise you he isn't a jerk."

But before the conversation can reach any sort of realisation Tom spots a figure watching them. Not just a figure, it's his stalker he's sure, and they're attempting to approach them, practically yelling as they do so.

Seeing this they both take off running, not stopping until they're inside of Tom's house which they quickly realise is less safe than they thought as the whole place is a mess. Clearly someone has been inside, and that just makes Tom panic more. Tom is so panicked and Jordan is so preoccupied with trying to calm him down that neither notice the people still in the house until they're already being grabbed and knocked unconscious.

The First Trial

Tom wakes up looking at a bright light on the ceiling, lost as to what just happened. He's momentarily confused as to what happened, but upon remembering he panics, tries moving only to realise he's strapped down, aside from one free arm. In his attempts to escape, he realises Jordan is in the same position as him. They briefly discuss the situation, the likelihood of being kidnapped by the stalker, but are distracted by Jordan's phone ringing. Answering it, hoping to god that whoever is on the other end can help them, they're instead met with an automated voice.

"Beginning voiced guidance. The First Trial will now begin. Tom, and Jordan. Find the key hidden in the room, then remove your restraints. If you cannot do so before the time limit expires, the device on the beds will activate... and your bodies will be crushed with a thud. By all means, please enjoy the thrill with all your body and soul. The time limit is a healthy 5 minutes. And please note there is only one key, so please discuss who will use it."

They both panic, because this can't be real, but Tom realises they just don't have time to think like that. He starts checking his pockets with his free hand, prompting Jordan to do the same. Jordan finds a key in the same pocket that he found the phone. He offers it to Tom, but he insists that he unlock himself first despite what the message said about there only being one key. He does so and is released from his bed, but quickly finds that the key doesn't fit the lock on Tom's bed. Though more than a little panicked, Jordan manages to work out the trick, needing to remove the outer coating of the key in order to be able to unlock Tom. Pulling him off the death trap, the two spend a few moments attempting to process what the hell kind of situation they're in.

Agreeing that they shouldn't stay in the room with the death traps, they head out of the room into a dark corridor. They barely walk for a minute before Tom senses a presence behind him. However, before he can turn around and confront whoever it might be, the floor gives out from under them, leaving them with one message before they fall, both physically and into unconsciousness.

"You have survived the First Trial. Suffer and die."

Introductions

Tom wakes up in a large room to an absolute mess of noise coming from the group of mostly strangers. Looking around he sees mostly people confused and yelling among themselves. A couple different people are demanding answers as to where they are, one woman in punk clothing being particularly abrasive in demanding to know where her stuff is. Some people are quieter, either seeming to just observe or two young teens who seem terrified, one much more than the other.

*Wait, seriously there's kids here?*

After a short amount of time observing, Tom notices that Jordan is in the room with him, and approaches him, jokingly chastising him for leaving. Jordan at first asks if he knows Tom before then revealing this to be a joke. As they joke around a little, kind of forgetting the situation before they're approached by an man (older than them but certainly not old) who greets them in a way that comes across as creepy, and as if he may be the kidnapper, but they have very little time to process that before another man grabs him from behind.

The new man establishes himself as a detective, but while attempting to restrain the other man, one the two teenagers starts attacking him, telling him to get off her dad. After a few moments of getting everyone to calm down, the apparent kidnapper introduces himself as Mot Screziato and the teenager as his daughter Alyssa. He apologises for scaring them and notes that they are all in the same position given that they're all wearing a collar, which is when Tom realises everyone including him is wearing an identical collar. Given that there doesn't actually seem to be any reasons to fear each other, and since it seems like a good way to get the teenager to stop attacking him, the Detective suggests they all introduce themselves.

The Detective introduces himself as Spark Conway, as well as one of the older adults (a woman in a scarf) as his daughter Martha and the other teenager (who seems barely responsive) as Andor, his grandson. Jordan properly introduces himself and Tom, mentioning Tom's stalker, but doubting this was the work of just one person. Next, the punk woman introduces herself as Capsize, to which Jordan recognises her as Capsize Dunbar, that he's heard of her band and seen her in magazines. Capsize confirms this, but notes that it isn't really the time to be discussing that. The other people introduce themselves as Sonja, Tucker, and Waglington. Tom asks if he’s met Wag before as he feels very familiar, however the other man doesn’t appear to know him, so he writes the feeling off.

They begin to discuss how they got there and what's happened since they arrived, though very few actually discuss the trials they've been through up to this point. Spark was captured when working on a case; Sonja and Wag were in their own homes; Mot and Alyssa were stopped in a car by a traffic checkpoint; Martha was walking to a hotel she had been staying in; Tucker had been on a night out; and Capsize was heading to meet her bandmates after finishing a track. Tom attempts to talk with Andor again, asking what he was doing before. He manages to get him to talk about being taken alongside his sister, but then begins screaming and crying that he killed his sister, continuing to panic worse until he collapses.

The fact that death clearly has happened puts the whole group on edge, with Spark and Martha obviously quite disturbed. It also causes Tucker to panic as on his First Trial he'd found a box that he was meant to find three keys to open and he doesn't particularly want to die. Jordan heads over the key from his and Tom's first trial, which fits the box, prompting Alyssa to hand over the key from her and Mot's Trial. Acting on his own suspicions, Tom searches Andor's pockets and finds the final key, still covered with its original coating but thankfully it still fits the lock. Given the danger of the situation, Spark volunteers to open it. He advises everyone to stay back, which very few people actually do, so he opens the box, revealing a head. Thankfully the head turns out to be a fake, a doll's head, though highly detailed enough to be mistaken for a real human head. Alongside it is a note.

Find my body. Bring me back. For I don't have legs or arms.

None of them exactly understand what the note means, though it doesn't seem all that threatening. It does however point to the idea of exploring the area. Given that they don't have much else to go on, they decide to split up and explore the area. Jordan suggests splitting into pairs with someone they don't know to better bond as a group, which is agreed to (though Tom feels a little weird about splitting from Jordan in this situation).

The pairs end up being Spark and Jordan, Martha and Tom, Mot and Sonja, Tucker and Wag, and Capsize and Alyssa. Capsize is asked to stay with the unconscious Andor while the rest of the group split off, which she gladly does, but tells them to yell if they need help. So they wander off, hoping they won't run into any new dangers.

Exploration

Before setting off exploring, Tom stays to talk with Capsize and Alyssa. With Alyssa he talks about Mot and also the plushie she has with her. Meanwhile with Capsize they talk a little, partly about Tom's excitement about meeting a famous person, and also about the stuff that Capsize was so annoyed about losing.

"You must've had something really precious with the way you were yelling."

"’Precious’ is exactly the word. I mean, my phone and even my stage clothes and wig I could replace, but my bongos?"

*Bongos?*

Tom and Martha then proceed to begin their own exploration. Most of the rooms are labelled, or have coloured doors making them easy to nickname for identification's sake.

(Central Hall: Capsize, Alyssa, & Andor.

Bar: Mot & Sonja.

Blue Room: Spark, Jordan, Wag, & Tucker)

Firstly exploring the Cafeteria, Tom starts trying to get to know Martha. She tells him about her travels, that this is the first time she's seen any of her family in well over a year. She seems more than a little terse, which Tom understands but finds it frustrating. At the very least she isn't being openly hostile, he just can’t feel all that relaxed around her.

Throughout exploring Tom and Martha find the following items in the following locations:

Cafeteria: A dart and a lighter

Pink Room: 6 blanks

Smoking Area Hall: Cigar (within the collection slot of a brown vending machine)

Blue Room: A gun, and 3 bullets

Tom and Martha explore around all the rooms they can. In the darkened area at the back of the Cafeteria they find the door to the Pink Room, in which they find the body of the doll. Neither can manage to lift it, so they decide to leave it where they find it and instead bring any doll parts they find to the Pink Room.

In the bar, Tom gets the cigar taken off him by Mot.

“You shouldn’t pick up smoking, it’s a bad habit.”

“I wasn’t planning on--”

“Then you’ll have no problem handing it over.”

He does, but suspects Mot might have a different motive when he also takes the lighter off him.

The Bar doesn’t have much in it, though it is very well stocked. On the wall is a board that lists who can and cannot drink, much to Tom’s annoyance as he’s just too young to drink. Otherwise there’s nothing really in plain sight, but there is what seemed to be an open cupboard on the front of the bar that none of them can open. Given that it feels stiff rather than locked, Mot suggests that they go and find Spark or Tucker to help open it. Sonja says that she bets Capsize could get it open too, though Tom doubts that she’ll leave the kids at least until Andor’s awake.

They proceed to the Games Room in order to find one of the others to open the cupboard. Before entering the Blue Room, they notice that, beyond a large gap in the floor, is a dartboard. Both know that it's likely if they can hit the board with the dart they found that’ll do something, but they don’t want to risk the throw when they will almost certainly only have the one chance.

They enter the Blue Room where everyone else seems to be. Jordan greets Tom happily, discussing the weird stuff in the room, namely the dolls in 5 of the 9 chairs in the room. Wag has been examining them, and notes that they appear to have some sort of liquid inside their heads. Tom decides to give the room a once over given the amount of items he’s found in other rooms. Martha talks to Spark about opening the cupboard door, but he’s reluctant to leave the room before it’s thoroughly looked over as he’s found 3 bullets, which unlike the blanks found earlier are live ammo.

Martha understands this, and gives a glance towards Tucker, who is standing by the wall not doing anything. After mulling to herself for a few moments, she says she’ll go and ask Capsize. As she turns to leave the room, Tom spots something between the cushions of one of the chairs. He pulls it out, revealing a gun just as Martha room. Then--

“Ahh!”

“Tom--!”

*Clang*

Russian Roulette

Bars drop down from the top of the doorway, sealing Martha out of the room and the five guys on the inside. Everyone panics, especially as the painting on the wall starts talking and presents that they’ll be playing Russian Roulette, four of them becoming targets and one of them being the shooter. Martha yells that she’ll go and try to find something to help pry the bars open. Meanwhile inside the room everything devolves into chaos as Tucker tries to wrestle the gun from Tom, noting that he’s shot a gun before and therefore will be able to shoot better than any of the others, and in response Tom kicks him away and points the (admittedly unloaded) gun at him. Spark and Wag manage to calm the situation down, though they’re still stuck in a deadly game.

Jordan takes a breath, and then asks the painting if the person shooting will be safe. The painting notes that yes, only those acting as targets will be in danger in this game. Jordan immediately voices his opinion that Tom should be the shooter. However, Tucker still insists that an experienced shooter should be the one with the gun. Wag points out that surely as a detective Spark would be the one with the most experience, however Spark rebuffs the idea and says he would prefer Tom to have the gun. When Tom questions why, Spark seems avoidant of the question.

Tucker again insists that someone with experience should be the shooter, however Tom notes that with the 6 blanks he found, this is likely about figuring out a solution where no one dies rather than sharpshooting. And as Tom considers that, he begins to cite his own solution, before Spark shushes him and questions if Tucker has a solution. Tucker panics and notes that he didn’t even know about the blanks until Tom mentions them. Spark says that he can’t figure out a solution because he’s only focused on saving himself, while Tom wants to save Jordan.

Tom once again questions why Spark believes he should have the gun, hesitant to take it when he has experience and a level head. To which Spark darkly admits that since an incident where he shot someone on the job, he can’t pull the trigger on a gun, much less point one at a person and shoot. He looks towards both Tom and Tucker and asks both of them if they are going to be able to point the gun at each person in the room and pull the trigger, which causes both of them to hesitate. But Tom looks towards Jordan, who seemed so confident in his belief that Tom could do the task, and he declares that he can do it, that he’ll make sure everyone survives.

Jordan suggests a vote, just to make sure that everyone is confident in who they want to be the shooter. As everyone points to vote, it’s 4 votes for Tom and with Wag voting for Tucker, Tucker happily concedes to Tom’s confidence. As those who have agreed to be targets sit down, Jordan teases Tucker about not realising that it’s a puzzle. The moment they sit down, the painting talks again, presenting the full rules for Tom.

Tom will take the 9 bullets (3 live, 6 blanks) that he has and load them into the revolver chamber in any order. Once he does this, the chamber will automatically spin, leaving the bullets in a random order. He then needs to shoot each target once in the head, and each target can only be shot once. Tom breathes a sigh of relief knowing that it is a puzzle like he suspected, and puts the solution he came up with into action. Thankfully it works, leaving the three bullets in the doll’s heads rather than living people.

“That’s some sharp shooting there, let me give you a hand.”

With those words, the painting stops talking, the bars in the doorway lift, and a Right Arm drops from the ceiling. Thankfully the Right Arm is a doll’s arm, though it certainly scares Jordan as it drops into his lap. Tom tells them all about the doll’s body in the Pink Room, and suggests taking the two doll parts they’ve already found there while they look for the others. Spark volunteers to do this, suggesting that Jordan explore with Tom for a little while as Martha never returned and no one should be exploring by themselves.

“Wait! But won’t you be left alone then?”

“Ah, don’t worry, I can handle myself, but I wouldn’t want you two running into trouble.”

As they all exit the Blue Room, Wag congratulates Tom on holding his nerve throughout the game. At this moment, Tom realises where he recognises him from. Wag, the seemingly friendly man in front of him, is his stalker. He freezes, unable to communicate this fact with the others as he internally panics, and before he says anything Wag is dragged away by Tucker to investigate other areas.

Jordan asks Tom if he's okay, which he affirms, shaking off his uneasiness as he doesn't want to cause distrust in the group. Instead he decides to focus on the dart board, having noticed when loading the gun that the chamber could be fully removed and notes that in that set up it seems like it may be able to fire the dart. Obviously he's a little hesitant to do so with the possibility of losing the dart, but he's encouraged by Jordan.

"I'm sure you can do it, you're a sharpshooting master now!"

"Point blank is a lot different to shooting at a distance."

"Yeah, but it's better than throwing it, and I've never held a gun so…"

"I've only had ten more minutes of experience than you!"

Despite the joking bickering, Tom does load the dart into the gun and fire it at the target. As he aims, he swears for a moment that he sees the door to the Red Room open just a crack. However, the moment the dart hits the target, a noise you'd expect from winning an arcade game plays and once again a doll's limb drops down onto Jordan, this time the Left Leg, distracting him. By the time he turns back and checks, the door is firmly closed and most definitely still locked. He decides to write this off as himself being paranoid and they exit and head back to the Central Hall.

Lying to Kanna

As they re-enter the Central Hall, they see Mot and Sonja talking with Capsize and Alyssa. They head over and join the conversation, and realise that Mot and Sonja had come looking for Tom after retrieving someone to open the cupboard was taking quite a while. He apologises and explains about the Russian Roulette game, which causes a lot of concern from the others, though Tom wonders to himself how they could've missed Martha, who surely must've been panicked and looking for help.

However, before he can ask, Andor wakes up. He looks around, asking for his sister before remembering the situation. Capsize immediately goes to comfort him, asking if he wants them to find his grandfather or his aunt, however, he ends up locked onto the others in the room. He looks to Tom, and Jordan, noting that he doesn't remember much of the introductions, but he heard that they did the first trial as him, with the beds and the keys, and asks if he could've saved his sister.

Tom hesitates to answer. If the trials were identical, then it stands to reason that he could've saved her, but how could he possibly say that to a kid? He tries to think of anyway to sugar-coat the truth, but Mot speaks first.

"You were just unlucky, kid. That trial, it was one of brute strength."

Mot lies, says that he and Jordan had had to rip the restraints away in order to free their loved one. Andor objects, insisting that Alva was trying to tell him how to solve the puzzle but that he was too stupid to understand. Jordan objects to this, affirming Mot's lie that he had to free Tom by force. He continues that he is sure his sister wouldn't be angry at him.

"I know it, if she was here right now, she'd tell you: Don't blame yourself because beyond anything, I'm happy that you're still alive."

Andor begins crying, clinging to Jordan as he lets out all his tears. When he pulls back, he smiles a little for the first time and asks about Spark. Tom says he should be in the Pink Room, giving him and Alyssa directions (the latter volunteering to take him to make sure they're still travelling in groups, and leaving before Mot can get an adult to join them).

After they leave, Tom turns to Mot and Jordan.

"I didn't realise you were both such great liars."

Mot and Jordan become a little skittish while Capsize and Sonja are a little shocked that the two were lying. Mot ask if they think less of him, which they all deny. Sonja notes that a lie might be better than the truth if it brings hope rather than crushing reality.

They then remember that they still need to open the cupboard and go back to the Bar. Capsize quickly gets the sliding door open, and immediately stumbles back as it contains the doll’s Right Leg. As she pulls it out, she complains about the place being filled with creepy stuff. The only other thing in the cupboard is a cigar cutter which Mot quickly takes, though he insists that he doesn’t want to smoke. Tom decides to goad Mot a little about the cigar.

“Must be hard to get time to relax as a single dad.”

“Well, yeah, obviously.”

“And that’s a pretty nice looking cigar.”

“I-- I guess it is.”

Mot still denies wanting to smoke the cigar, but does decide to “investigate” it due to Tom’s prompting. He cuts it, doing so in a way that Tom can only describe as experienced, and is visibly dejected when it turns out to not be a real cigar and instead they find a coupon for a free drink inside. Far too disappointed, he hands the coupon and the unused lighter to Tom, clearly trying to hide disappointment. Tom remembers a vending machine selling drinks in the passage just outside the Bar, so goes to try the coupon in it. It does work, but instead of a drink, he gets the doll’s Left Arm. He’s unsure if he should be relieved or disappointed, but that is the last doll part they’re going to need.

He quickly leans back into the bar to tell the others that they should probably all head to the Pink Room, finding Sonja, Jordan, and Capsize all looking at the bar board.

“There’s twenty names on there, do you think that the nine we don’t recognise are all… you know?”

“Dead?”

“Urg, it feels wrong to say it so casually.”

“...”

“Capsize are you--”

“I’m fine, I just can’t believe so many people could already have been killed.”

Tom pulls their attention to himself, showing the last doll part and saying they should probably head to the Pink Room, which they all do. However, before they leave, he sees Capsize staring back at the bar board again.

The "Practice Vote"

Arriving in the Pink Room, they find everyone else already gathered. Most surprising is Martha, who notes she got distracted when she found a secret room with no further elaboration. Spark is happy to see the last two doll parts, and makes sure everyone is ready before he fixes the last two onto the doll. Everyone affirm that they are, Capsize saying she’s got the door fixed open to make sure there’s a route out if this turns out to be a trap. With as much confidence they can have given the situation they’re in, Spark puts the last two parts onto the doll body.

The room starts filling with a thick white gas. Panic spreads throughout the room as quickly as the gas does. Everyone tries to rush for the exit when an unfamiliar voice cuts through the noise in the room.

“Please relax, the gas isn’t poisonous. Ahaha good day.”

As the gas clears, the doll that was previously on the ground lifeless is now standing before them seemingly as alive as any of them. Everyone panics more at the sight, their own emotions juxtapositioned against the calm of the doll. However, once Tom and Spark more calmly ask for information, she introduces herself as Sue Miley, the Laughing Doll.

“My Master has instructed me to guide you brave souls, who have already overcome several trials, to the Main Game.”

Everyone quickly puts together that this means she’s working with the kidnappers, which gets everyone riled up. After quite a few people begin yelling, Miley seems quite bored of them all, and a sharp beeping pierces through the noise. A beeping coming from Sonja’s collar. Obviously Sonja panics, and demands to know what’s happening, only to panic more at Miley’s answer.

“I’m making your collar explode of course!”

“Huh? What! No-- no-- this can’t-- Someone get this off!”

“I’ll stay away from her if I was the rest of you, that thing is pretty dangerous.”

The beeping stops suddenly, Sonja collapsing to her knees, distinctly not exploded. Miley laughs that of course that collar can’t explode. Capsize yells at the doll and is barely held back from attacking by Tom, instead moving to calm Sonja when she’s let go. The doll laughs that she of course will not be picking and choosing who should die herself, as that will be up to the group.

“Yes, the least wanted, the most hated, the one who will die, will be decided by you all via majority vote!”

Everyone stands in stunted silence, unsure what to say or do, as Miley rolls out a cart containing a pile of tablets, handing one to everyone in the room, notably leaving one uncollected, though she doesn’t take it herself. She says that, in order to understand the concept, they will have a practice vote. However, for this vote there will be no discussion.

“But, please, all enjoy yourselves and vote for whomever you’d like.”

Tom stares down at the tablet, seeing a photo of each person in the room. He wonders who he should vote for, if he should even take the idea of voting to kill someone seriously. He thinks of Wag, his stalker, someone he’s sure has something to do with him being her. He reaches out to press his face, only to feel Jordan’s hand on his back. And realises that if he votes, he’ll just be playing into the trap, giving it.

“I abstain!”

Everyone stares at him as he makes an impassioned plea for no one to vote, to show they aren’t going to give into this situation, that if they vote it just gives the kidnappers votes to tamper with and sew discourse. And he’s sure it works, that his words get through, however when the timer ticks down to zero and the results are displayed.

1 Vote: Tom Syndicate, James Waglington, Tucker Jericho, Martha Conway

2 Votes: Mot Screziato

He stands in shock, staring at his own face. Who voted for him? No one in the room will make eye contact with each other, just looking away with darkened faces. Miley laughs at him for believing he could get everyone to not vote, even telling him to just ask the room if there was any tempering. Mot cuts through with a slightly uneasy laugh, to which Miley asks if he’s scared.

“Of course not. Though I think you should end this joke, not that you have a heart to want to.”

“Ah no fear! Well, let those be your final words!”

Again, shocked, uneasy silence.

“This collar, you’re not going to convince me that it explodes.”

“That’s right it doesn’t explode.”

*Beeeeep*

A groan and then a much sharper grunt of pain emerge from Mot as the collar begins to heat up. Becoming red hot. Alyssa screams, trying to get close to her Dad, only for him to push her back as she tries to grab the collar from his neck. Tom doesn’t know what’s worse, watching him stumble and cough up more blood than Tom’s ever seen in his life, or the smell and sound of cooking flesh and blood filling the room. With the collar as hot as it is, all anyone can do is watch as it burns through Mot’s throat and the man falls to the ground dead.

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