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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

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VegasPete and Stockholm syndrome (part 2)

…

This episode helped me realize what Pete’s exact relationship to pain is.

Really funny to me that Vegas was right when he said that Pete likes it when he’s moody. Because it’s true. (Saw a post on this earlier which I’ll try and link once my comp is back in working order;; But the the way it highlighted how Pete’s fascination with Vegas is a kind of “tragic lust.”)

Pete likes seeing Vegas be pathetic. When the torture first started I don’t doubt the pleasure or motivation Pete had for being defiant specifically relates to the feeling of rebellion against that abusive trauma from his past.

“You can’t break me. I’m not pathetic YOU are.” <- Pete’s thoughts/motives on some subconscious level.

But then of course there’s a shift from the moment he witnesses the dynamic between Vegas and his father. Yeah he’s still defiant but there’s more to it than that.

It isn’t just “you are pathetic” now it’s “You’re pathetic because you’ve been hurt the same way I have.”

I’m not really gonna touch on it because I’ve already read a lot of amazingly written analyses on it — but when they’re at the safe house, Pete is subtle but he’s trying to convince Vegas that’s there’s a third option, and that he doesn’t have to be stuck in this cycle of abused and abuser. All the way up to his conversation with Vegas about fathers’ —Pete’s doing this. The conversation fully bringing around Vegas’ whole shift in viewpoint.

Which set great groundwork for episode 12. And more specifically how this shared empathy also became a shared fascination.

Vegas is fascinated with Pete’s defiance in the face of pain, and Pete’s fascinated with Vegas’ pain and how he weaponizes it against himself and others.

Getting more into the specifics rather than just “Pete’s into Vegas’ being pathetic”

It gets more layered when you consider that Pete specifically likes giving control / being dominated by someone pathetic.

(Lol why they are both so fked up <333. Lemme study you two under microscopes.)

Anyways,,,

Can’t help but think this is all about projection.

Like the reason why Vegas has a hedgehog 🦔 and why he wanted to take Pete with him to the safe house is because he’s projecting just how little freedom he actually has in his life. He’s trapped in a closed cage (chained up, in Pete’s case).

Except Vegas has been trapped his entire life. Just someone for his father to take his pain out on. Someone set up to always lose, someone that’s never enough. So taking Pete isn’t just an act of defying his father (who told him to kill Pete and doesn’t know Vegas took him with), but it’s also so he can take back an illusion of control in his own life by taking out his own pain on Pete (similar to what his father is doing to him) — that and Vegas is lonely. He would be isolated at the safe house. He would have no one to talk to. Just him and his books and the silence before his father visits.

…..I’ll be honest y’all I don’t think this safe house HAS guards? In my mind he dismissed them once he got to the safe house cause he had Pete to keep him company. He literally says “it’s fine I have someone to keep me company.” In the episode to men in black suits. And then we don’t see a single guard after that. Not on the safe house premises. Just Vegas, Pete, and isolation.

(Lol back to the hedgehog 🦔 projection….this projection is especially fked up when you realize that Vegas having to watch as all his hedgehogs died one after another is just a visual representation to him of his life—given something by his father, but it dies and he fails and loses love and gets hurt. The love —for clarification— being the hedgehogs.

Him projecting himself and his situation on the hedgehog is just all the more poignant when you realize that since his father gave him these hedgehogs it just makes it all the more a reminder that he’ll be trapped in this cage of a life until he, himself, dies. Hence the vulnerability when he asks Porsche not to torture him if he has to kill him one day. He states it like an eventuality. I guess Vegas on some level knows that it is. That no matter how many times he fails, the door of the cage will open, only to put another hedgehog in. His father gives him something — only for Vegas to be immediately placed back into his cage. Rinse. Repeat. Until he “succeeds” or dies trying.

Side note: Lemme also state here that it’s obvious to me that a lot of time has passed. Or at least a good couple of days. Why do I think this? Because when Vegas comes in that second time after being beaten by his father (at the end of the ep/just before the noodle scene), Pete asks if his father did it again and Vegas responded:

“Aren’t you used to it by now?”

(Or smthn similar along these lines I don’t have the episode pulled up rn LOL)

Now, it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for Vegas to say this to Pete

(as they’ve only had one conversation about his dad, and the warehouse scene before that — this would be like the third time total seeing Vegas come back from being hurt by his father— I wouldn’t be used to that kind of situation having only experienced or gotten wind of it 3 times, and I doubt Pete would’ve either)

While watching the episode I understood immediately what Vegas was implying when he said that. “Aren’t you used to it” means that more than a couple of days have passed, and during that time Vegas’ father has come to the safe house more than once to take his anger out on Vegas. Pete being locked up there with Vegas would then be seeing this toxic cycle of Vegas getting beat for no reason.

Which is why Vegas thought Pete had gotten used to it. Used to seeing him come in with new bruises.

Honestly a really heartbreaking implication. The moment Vegas said “aren’t you used to it by now” my heart dropped to my feet.

But I haven’t seen anyone else comment on this line LOL!!! Anyways this means Pete’s been holed up with Vegas for at least a week, maybe longer. So although it’s unseen, the implied passage of time does at least give Pete breathing space to rewire the way he thinks about and interacts with Vegas. Enough for him to be at the point of asking if Vegas was hurt. [End of sidenote LOL]

Then when you add in Pete relating with Vegas via his own abusive past with HIS father?

(Except Pete realizes and knows why his father hurt him —Because he was hurt himself)

Pete’s story not only helped Vegas realize that it wasn’t Vegas that sucked (but his b*tch father >:OOO ) and this rlly impacts Vegas. And yet, when Vegas sees his Hedgehog die, he leaves the key Pete needs to escape right next to Pete, pretending it to be an accident, because everything he likes or loves end up leaving him in the end anyway, right?

But Pete is SO drawn in and captivated by Vegas’ pain. Yes he wants to comfort him —

…. but I wonder if his strong attraction is relating to the comfort Or control Pete wished he had when he was a kid in an abusive situation.

So it’s like he’s living vicariously through Vegas when he *LET’S* Vegas chain him up, when he chooses to let Vegas have that kind of power over him.

At the same time it’s all kinds of fked up cuz Vegas isn’t really in control? Pete is obv still in such control of the entire situation, *he’s* the one giving Vegas permission. (Which is probably why, of the two of them) it’s VEGAS that ends up on his knees in the end…..(God help me)

Hmmm. Anyways I don’t have a lot of intelligent things to say rn. I just think the two of them have an interesting relationship to pain, and therefore an interesting relationship with each other 🤷🤤.

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noriaki-kak · 6 months

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Ahhh ok I’m excited. Can I ask what your inspirations for Penelope and Leo were?

Ooh! They're some of my older ocs so this might get a little long but lemme see what I can put together.

Leo was one of the first characters I came up with in this whole extended world thing I've got going on. Funny enough this entire thing started as non-serious kinda jokey "I should come up with a dating sim concept and create all the different characters you could date." Leo predates my other characters even further by being a character in one of my earlier concept groups before I scrapped that, took him, and decided on a whole dating sim around the concept of dating demons in hell lol.

It's funny to think back on bc it rlly all did start as something not that serious. I was thinking about different dating sim archetypal character traits with the five characters I was creating, and when I got to Leo I pulled from various tropes.

He was the goofy jokey himbo type, kinda stupid but also more down to earth. But then it’d be a twist where, despite seeming straight forward, you'd get into his tragic sad backstory and a deeper side of his character would be revealed.

To be completely honest, while not the only inspiration or example, at the time mystic messenger was still mildly relevant in the dating sim world. So, while they couldn't be MORE different, 707 kind of was what made me want to go for creating a "Funny silly guy who's actually got some sad stuff going on." character sdfghj.

He was made to be a foppish Prince Charming that was cursed to become a demon. His backstory was supposed to be storybook fairytale stuff, resulting in a beauty and the beast sort of situation. It was tragic but not as fleshed out.

It stayed that way for a while but eventually when I started getting more serious and sharing this stuff with Thea, I began to go through and develop a lot of my different characters backstories. Lightly moving away from the dating sim elements to expand the broader world.

This is where Penelope would come in (and not long after Giselle and Caspian would follow hehe @dapper-comedy) I ended up really ironing out his story. I wanted to make Leo more sympathetic while still being at fault. Straying from prince charming to a more general, almost arthurian, hero prince type. Less arrogant, more well meaning, but still ultimately flawed in his desire to be an "ideal" prince.

Penelope on the other hand used to play a much smaller role in the story! Initially the story simply went that Leo was cursed by a witch as retribution for a wrong he committed, the curse stipulated that if his loved ones shunned his demonic form, then he’d stay a demon. And when he showed up as a demon, his fiancé rejected him.

But as I started going back, I thought it was a bit unfair to his fiancé that she existed more as a plot device for his initial story. So I went about giving her more complex motivations/wants and fears/etc and Penelope was born! She’s inspired by my wholly self indulgent desire to make female characters who are allowed to be awful and make horrible mistakes, while also being not entirely unjustified. (Penelope takes up so much brain real estate nowadays, it's almost surprising that I came up with Leo first sdfghj)

It feels pretentious to say but the groundwork being inspired by storybook fairy tales led the overall feeling to be inspired by classic tragedies. It all really came together when Caspian and Giselle came into the picture, leading to an overarching story of these four young friends not realizing the joy of their youth together until they slowly lose not just that youth, but each other.

#I HOPE THIS IS BOTH ENOUGH AND ALSO NOT TOO MEANDERING SDFGHJK #i have a hard time organizing my thoughts and staying on topic #im very quiet online so when i do Post im like 'bwuh? huh?' fully forget how to type like a person #oc tag #<- i should remember to use that tag heh

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wingletblackbird · 1 year

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The fact is that the writers of Merlin had to make Morgana over-the-top-evil, because if they didn’t Merlin would look bad and we’d be on her side.

A not cartoonishly evil Morgana would have gotten rid of Uther. She would have lifted the ban on magic. She could have used magic to benefit her subjects even. She’s doing something. She’s freeing her people. Sure, maybe she’s a bit self-cantered in parts, a bit too entitled, a bit to the ends justify the means perhaps, but, hey, she’s doing something!

Oh, no, you might say, Merlin’s way was still better because no potential civil war, no bloody coup, fewer innocents caught in the middle, no instability. Not to mention the children born around the Purge, like Arthur, now grown up, don’t know magic isn’t just a choice. They really think people choose to do something illegal and go evil as a result. They think magic is dangerous. They weren’t a part of the purge. They don’t know the truth. It’s wrong for them to have to die.

Yes, I agree up to a point, but when has Merlin ever done anything to change Arthur’s mind? Off the top of my head, once with Dragoon and once as the Dolma.

Did Merlin use his disguises to talk to Arthur meaningfully? To use magic and show how it can be good? To do anything to ensure a peaceful coup is even possible? To create a symbol, maybe the ball of light, when he uses magic to help? And if Arthur was never, in all those years together, someone Merlin felt he could trust…why is he supporting him?

Merlin’s barely done anything, and even then he keeps secrets, that have nothing to do with his magic, which Arthur ought to know and which his not knowing might harm his kingdom. Why?

By doing next to nothing, or worse things he just shouldn’t that make no sense, Merlin is simply complicit in propping up another oppressor of his people. Someone who might even banish and/or kill him at that! Why should we root for this again? Why should we care?

So the writers have to make Morgana kill innocent people in the square. They have to make her relish killing. They have to make her unbearably hard to side with or we would.

Just a few subtle changes could have kept the overall narrative of the show without making me lose my mind. For instance, Merlin should have helped Arthur realize the truth, but Morgana, understandably given she knows he’s raided Druid camps and doesn’t see his growing maturity with Merlin, leaves before this and fights against them. The writing could make it hard for us to pick whose side were on. Maybe Morgana should have tried talking to Arthur first, but maybe Merlin is also just taking too long and being too complicit.

Eventually, of course, Camelot is attacked and Merlin will stop Morgana, but he knows she’s not really his enemy. He gets her motivations. He explains this to Arthur after the magic reveal: Change the laws and your sister doesn’t hate you, far fewer people will care about overthrowing you. Now we don’t have to choose sides, because we’re all on the same one.

Because unless Arthur is willing to wait for his father to die, causing many innocent lives to be lost, he’s going to need to stage a coup of his own. (Which we know he’s willing to do in Sins of the Father). Hence, he can ally with Morgana. This means things go about more peacefully, with more legitimacy and stability thereafter, far fewer lives get lost. We get a proper golden age this time, and The Diamond of the Day would have Morgana helping Arthur after his fatal wound, like in the legends.

The fact is you cannot use brute force to make people trust magic. Trust is earned so people need to see magic being used for good, and within certain bounds. Morgana can be so focussed on the goal, getting what she wants now, she can miss that. You do need to lay the groundwork. However, you also can’t just wait around for Uther to die, Merlin. An alliance would be the sweet spot.

I wouldn’t even necessarily call this a redemption arc for Morgana. Is the above a redemption or just a reconciliation? After all, Merlin, Morgana, and Arthur are all human beings doing their best in the above scenario. None of them have done anything evil per se. They’ve all just made mistakes or been misguided. Then, they reconciled and got rid of the real villain at the heart of it: Uther

As I see it, you need both Morgana and Merlin working together, preferably backing Arthur, to get true peace in Camelot, but instead we got the garbage we got.

You know, the one where Arthur never brings back magic like he was prophesied to do? Where he never becomes High King? His reign is certainly no Golden Age if there are magicians still being executed, I say.

What is the moral of this story? Because they frame it as a tragedy for the wrong reasons, I find. It’s tragic because not much was accomplished in the series that results in significant change that we get to see. Arthur was better than Uther, sure, but that’s a low bar. His death is sad for Merlin, but morally speaking, you could argue he reaped what he sowed. The fall of Camelot can only be tragic if something truly good was lost.

I sympathize with Mordred in the series-as-it-was-written, because I too want to give Arthur a chance. He seems stable; he seems to care; he seems to want to be good, but also he hasn’t changed the horrible laws. He won’t go all the way. How long are you going to wait around while people die? Oh, you’ve reached your breaking point? Guess I’m stuck with Morgana now. 🤷‍♀️

#bbc Merlin #Morgana #criticism #I’m so salty #sorry #I needed to vent #lol

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erinfulmerwrites · 2 years

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Over the next thirty days, thousands of ambitious writers will churn out 50,000 words apiece to earn nothing but bragging rights, a hearty case of sleep deprivation, and hopefully part of a messy first draft.

I’ve attempted the challenge nine times and met the 50k goal six times. The event has a special energy that inspires me. There’s something about knowing that so many writers are pushing for this goal alongside me, sharing the experience of highs and lows, prioritizing their creative process.

Note that I also thrive under the urgency of a short timeline—not everyone’s best case scenario. Your mileage may vary. If NaNoWriMo isn’t for you, that is completely valid and doesn’t make you less of a serious writer. In fact it probably makes you more sane and healthy than some (i.e. me).

But! Since tomorrow is Nov. 1 and those who enjoy a good arbitrary deadline will be off to the races (also me), it seems like a good time to talk about how to “win” at NaNoWriMo without losing your mind or your motivation.

Make time for your writing.

Tell your spouse, tell your kids, tell your cats (as if they’ll listen): your priorities will be different this month. Set aside blocks of time where you can. Clear your schedule as much as possible.

NaNoWriMo is a great time to establish or experiment with a writing routine. Ask yourself when you get the most out of your writing time. When do you feel the strongest sense of creative flow?

Do the words flow more easily the morning, before everyone wakes up? Or do they come easier in the evening, when the concerns of the day have been put to bed? If you’re short on time, can you fit in small sessions to “sprint” throughout the day? Stay curious about your experience throughout and be open to trying new methods when the tried and true falls short.

Make every word count.

Can’t figure out how to start a scene? Brainstorm in your document. Ask yourself on the page what should happen next.

Start with “I am having trouble writing this scene because…” and just free write for a while. List possibilities, lines that pop into your head, ideas for future scenes you want to lay groundwork for. Do a brain dump of your doubts and hopes for the story.

If you find an interesting hook, start following it. Before long, you’ll probably have a nice chunk of words on the page, even if some of it is angst or lists or seven different ways to start a scene. Don’t delete anything—they all count as words you wrote in November.

Accept the mess.

You can edit out the brain dumps and angst later. You’re going to revise this manuscript anyway. There is no perfect first draft. There is definitely no perfect 50k words written in 30 days.

Also, unless you are writing a novella or a middle grade book, 50k is not a full length book. It’s embryonic, a skeleton, a homunculus, a mock-up. It’s incomplete and that’s the way it should be. It’s what it needs to be at this stage.

I think of this draft as the roughed-out shape of wood or stone on a sculptor’s table before the artist does the real detail work with chisel and knife that exposes the grace of her vision. It’s the first layer of a painting with blocky shapes, a few colors, sketched lines. It’s laying a foundation that you will build on later.

It might help to call it a zero draft or an in depth outline—whatever gets you out of perfectionist mode. The perfect is the enemy of the done. It has no place in NaNoWriMo.

Keep it interesting.

If you’re not enjoying what you’re working on during a given session, if you’re not excited about some aspect of it, use this feeling as a cue. Ask yourself what would have to happen to make it interesting to you. Now write that instead.

A more specific variant of this technique: ask “what’s the worst thing that could happen to my character right now?” Whatever you come up with is also probably the most interesting thing that could happen to them. Character torture is legal, even encouraged, in NaNoWriMo.

NaNoWriMo is a good time to take risks with your writing. Don’t be afraid to go off outline, to try out new voices, tenses, or techniques, or to introduce brand new characters that derail the plot in exciting ways. Sometimes you have to blow up your plot to get through it.

If you have to skip some stuff, skip it. You can literally write that “somehow, they got from point A to B.” Do whatever it takes. You don’t have to write the boring parts. You don’t want your eventual readers to have to read the boring parts, either.

You don’t have to write every day.

I’m not a fan of any writing advice that preaches the gospel of daily writing, because that’s not possible for everyone and is frankly ableist. If you don’t get your words in or you don’t hit “par” for the day, don’t stress. In fact, a break may be just what you need to get your creative mojo back.

Don’t give up because you miss a couple of days or a week or even more. Although the number of words you need for the month may seem overwhelming, a few good days can go a long way. Focus on meeting incremental goals rather than the amount you’re ahead or behind on a daily basis.

You can always stage a late game comeback. Hell, I’ve made it a NaNo tradition. (I am REALLY motivated by urgency. *waves in ADHD*) However…

A few words are better than zero.

If you’re feeling unmotivated and you’re not sure if you should try to push yourself on a given day or not, make a deal with yourself to write 50 words. Just 50. When you get those 50 words, if you still don’t want to write any more that day, you can stop and do whatever you want instead.

Odds are that by the time you get those 50 words in you will have found your flow again. If not, you still have more words than you started. And that is a win.

Be kind to yourself in this and keep your promise if it’s a real chore to get out 50 words, if you can’t stand to stare at the page for a moment more. Let yourself be done. Creativity takes energy, and sometimes that energy just isn’t there. Honor that and take time to fill your creative well, rest, and recalibrate.

Find your easy mode.

Writing is already hard. Engaging your creativity is a workout for your brain meat. In that light, look for ways to make the act of writing easier and more comfortable. You don’t have to write on hard mode!

Focus apps or browser extensions can eliminate distractions like social media. The StayFocusd Chrome extension, which is free to install for desktop, will let you “go nuclear” and block the whole internet. It annoys me how well this works!

Having trouble getting to the computer? Try writing in your notes app on your phone or sitting on the couch with a laptop or tablet. I recently dug out my old Surface notebook so I could write on the couch and it’s so much comfier than my desk.

Curate your physical environment as well. Noise canceling headphones are a blessing if you’re easily distracted. Experiment with what kind of noise keeps your energy up without interrupting your flow. White noise or instrumentals are usually my go-to, but lately dance music has been giving me an energy and mood boost while writing.

Dictation to text apps can help if you have physical pain or vision problems. I haven’t tried this myself but I sometimes use my voice memos for notes if I can’t get to a keyboard. I might test out dictation more this year, though, because my eyestrain issues have been killing me.

Sprint to the finish line!

Finally, there is the classic NaNoWriMo tradition of word sprints. A sprint is a short burst of writing time in which you try to get as many words out as possible, perhaps in friendly competition with fellow writers. Most Discord writing servers I’m in have automated sprint bots now, so that’s how I usually do this, but you can also use a regular timer.

I don’t always use sprints because they can stress me out. They are effective, though, so I will use them during NaNoWriMo if I need to do some catch up. Once I’m warmed up, I can write around 300 words in a 15 minute sprint, so four sprints or an hour of writing can net me more than 1k words—and I’m a relatively slow sprinter.

Do it because you want to.

If short deadlines and fast drafting don’t work for you, if you hate every minute of NaNoWriMo, if reading this stresses you out, don’t do it. It doesn’t make you a better writer to write 50k words in a month. It’s an arbitrary goal and for many writers, it’s a hard stretch goal.

Not everyone wants to run a marathon. I don’t! Plenty of runners don’t do marathons, either. It’s not worth doing unless you get something out of it, and it is very taxing.

You will need recovery time. You will feel exhausted. You will wonder why you decided to do this.

Know why you are doing it. Don’t pressure yourself if it doesn’t sound like something you want. Also, if you want to quit midway, you can quit without penalty. You will still have more words than you started with, and that is a win in itself.

Make the challenge work for you.

The NaNo events have loosened up over time. You can work on more than one project at a time during November if you like. You can work on revisions, continue a draft you already started (this is what I’m doing) or write something that is not a novel at all.

So be a NaNo rebel if that’s what works for you! They’ll even give you a badge for it. Again, if you’re writing words in November, you’re winning.

If you want the community writing experience but don’t want the pressure of committing to 50k, you can set your own goal. You won’t get the badges and rewards if you don’t go for 50k, but you’re not missing out on anything major. The real magic of NaNoWriMo is making a commitment to writing with community support.

There are no NaNo police. Even the 50k is verified on an honor system. I am sure people lie about it but literally no one cares. (There are some discount codes available if you win, but that’s really just icing, and there are offers for participants as well.)

Celebrate the power of “no.”

Last year, some friends and I decided to celebrate NoNoNoMo – the month of saying NO. Saying no is powerful—and it doesn’t have to be negative. It’s all about setting and honoring our boundaries.

Say no to guilt and obligations that get in the way of writing. Say no to self-doubt and self-rejection. Say no to Twitter, fuck that place. Say no to distractions that steal your time and don’t replenish your energy in return.

Say no to the rules of writing—use all the adverbs and filler words you want. Say no to whatever sucks the joy out. Say no to other people’s ways of doing things.

Hell, say no to every piece of advice in this post! Say no to NaNoWriMo, if you want. It’s really there to get you hyped up for writing—if you find it does the opposite, definitely say no to that.

But you say no to everything else here, please don’t forget to sleep, hydrate, and eat—your brain will use more fuel than you think while writing. Say no to running on empty. It is just electric, amazing, creative meat in there, after all.

Experiment with what works for you, get curious about your process, and don’t forget to connect with your fellow writers who are running this marathon with you. Community commiseration will carry you through a lot of rough spots. Writing can feel solitary and isolating, but NaNoWriMo provides an opportunity to remember that you’re not alone in your struggles or your triumphs.

However you decide to spend it, NaNo or no NaNo (or just NoNoNoMo), have a great November and happy writing!

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healthylivingwithjess · 3 months

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Everything you need to know about healthy eating (well not everything but some helpful tips)

Almost everyone has attempted to live a healthy life. The reason varies from person to person. Some people want to lose weight, maybe put on muscle, or for some, they just want to feel better. These all seem like great motivators to stick to a healthier way of living... right? I think so, you probably think so... so why do people rarely stick to a healthy diet?

There are so many reasons dieters give up on their diets. Busy lifestyle, too expensive, lack of willpower, not seeing results quick enough, hunger, cravings. See, I told you there were alot. And I’m sure there's hundreds more, because at the end of the day, everyone has their own struggles in life that can get in the way of eating healthy.

Here's a little background into my battle with eating healthy. My 8 year struggle to be exact. The first time I remember even thinking about the food I ate was when I was roughly 10 years old. I remember thinking my arms looked bigger than my best friends. So what better thing to do than go on a diet. How I even knew what a diet was at that age is a mystery to me. Should my mind have been more focused on recess rather than what was going to be in my lunch box? Ya, probably. But unfortunately I was just one of those girls that became self conscious WAY too early. I wasn’t aware of “calories”, just healthy and unhealthy foods. My favorite sea salt & vinegar chips were unhealthy, but carrots dipped in a cup of ranch was going to make me the next Bella Hadid. This “diet” lasted maybe a week or two, but it laid the groundwork of years spent trying to change my body through strict food rules. It wasn’t until I was 17 that my relationship with food finally started to improve. I realized how years of restricting food and not being properly informed about nutrition was what was holding me back from living a healthy life. Now it is my goal to help educate other people who are feeling confused on how to actually start and maintain a healthy diet.

Alright now that the trauma dump is out of the way let's get into the good stuff. Like I said, there are a ton of reasons diets fail. I want to talk about the three main ones that got in the way for me: Too much restriction, being uninformed about calories and macronutrients, and not finding what works best for my body.

It is very common for people to go all or nothing when starting a new diet. Want to do keto? Say bye bye to all carbs. Maybe you're trying to drop a few pounds? Don’t even think about eating more than 1200 calories. See what I mean. So many diets restrict this or restrict that. A simple way to look at a restrictive diet is like this: Telling a little kid that he can’t play on a new gaming system. Is the kid going to go read a book or is he going to think about the game all day. Humans respond to a diet in the exact same way. If you tell yourself you can’t eat food x,y,z, most likely you will think about eating food x,y,z. If you want ice cream after dinner but have a protein shake instead, I promise you, that will not be the last time you think about the ice cream before bed. Trust me, I was the person that ate the protein shake instead of the ice cream.

Now you might be thinking, “But Jess, you can’t eat unhealthy food while having a healthy diet”. And this is where I’d like to introduce to you the 80/20 diet. In the words of a nationally known nutrition expert, Elizabeth Shaw, “Those who follow an 80/20 diet approach enjoy more nutrient-dense foods (think: fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, dairy, etc.) 80% of the time while allowing 20% of their diet (or a few eating occasions) to include less nutrient-dense choices” (Shaw, 2024) https://www.eatingwell.com/what-is-the-80-20-diet-is-it-healthy-8417695

The point of eating in a 80/20 manner is to avoid the burn out so many people face after eating healthy for a few months, weeks, and sometimes days (who hasn’t had a several day long diet). As mentioned earlier, most people who eat 100% healthy all the time will experience the all or nothing mindset. They will have one cookie or an “off limits food” and decide to have an all out stuff-your-face day since they already messed up their perfect diet. Or they might eat healthy for the 5 weekdays then feel like they earned the right to eat unhealthy all weekend.

I used to be an all or nothing dieter. I would try to fit all of my “off limit" foods in one day after eating one unhealthy food which only made me feel guilty several days later. Since implementing the 80/20 rule, I have not felt an urge to have an all out cheat day. I allow myself fun foods a couple times a week so I know that I will eat one of my 20% foods again in the near future. This eliminates the “get it all in while you still can” mindset. (https://virtua.org/articles/the-80-20-rule-eat-healthy-and-have-your-cake-too#:~:text=If%20you%27re%20aiming%20for,300%20calories%20for%20your%20treat.)

Now this might sound crazy, but I didn’t start losing fat and gaining muscle mass until I increased my calories from 1200 a day to 2600. My body was able to get out of starvation mode and use the calories to build muscle mass (which increases your metabolic rate... we’ll get to that in a later blog).

Once I got my calorie intake under control, I started researching macronutrients. For the longest time I thought all calories were equal. Although it’s true that when trying to lose weight it comes down to calories in, calories out, all calories are not the same. If you're like younger me and don’t know anything about protein, carbs, or fats, here's all three explained in simplest terms to help you get started on your health journey.

Have you ever heard of people eating rice cakes or a granola bar before a workout? That is because carbs give you the fastest energy out of all the macros. After learning this I planned my carbs around times I would need the most energy; like before practice or a weightlifting session. And lastly, let's talk about fats. I was scared of fats for the longest time. I thought because of the name they would make me, you know, fat. But then I learned how critical they are for hormone health. As I increased my fats, I noticed my mood was so much better, I didn't have as much acne, and I was able to sleep straight through the night.

The last tip for healthy eating that I want to talk about today is finding out what works best for you. I used to watch countless “What I eat in a Day” videos on tiktok and instagram. These videos showed what fit influencers were eating and snacking on throughout the day and I would try to model my diet after theirs. But I realized this didn't work for two main reasons. Firstly, my stomach couldn’t digest some of the stuff I was seeing in these videos. A lot of them were eating salads and veggies 10 times a day and my stomach could not digest all that fiber (aka I was bloated 24 hours out of the day). So I ate less raw veggies and started cooking them to make it easier on my digestion, which made me feel so much better. The second reason copying other people's diets doesn't work for me is because I simply didn’t like some of the foods they claimed were “staples” in a healthy diet. I either found replacements, or made tweeks to their recipes. An example of this is eating avocado toast with turkey instead of avocado toast with salmon, because salmon is probably one of the grossest foods in my opinion and belongs nowhere near me or my avocado toast!

How to develop healthy eating habits can not be summed up in a blog post. However, everything I wrote about is based on 8 years of trying to improve my health, failing a lot, and hours upon hours of research. Although I have nowhere near a perfect relationship with food now, it has improved drastically from what it was at its worst, and I am striving to make it better and better every day. I hope this has helped anyone who’s looking to improve their health but have no idea where to start to avoid the mistakes I made for years.

Sources

The 80 20 rule eat healthy and have your cake too. Virtua. (n.d.). https://virtua.org/articles/the-80-20-rule-eat-healthy-and-have-your-cake-too#:~:text=If%20you%27re%20aiming%20for,300%20calories%20for%20your%20treat.

(2019, May 22). The Nutrition Source. Harvard SChool of Public Health. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/carbohydrates/#:~:text=The%20most%20co%20mmon%20and%20abundant,bodily%20functions%20and%20physical%20activity.

Elizabeth Shaw, M. S. (2024, January 6). What is the 80/20 diet-and is it healthy?. EatingWell. https://www.eatingwell.com/what-is-the-80-20-diet-is-it-healthy-8417695

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hellenhighwater · 3 years

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Do you have any tips for negotiating prices? I honestly have no idea how to do it at all not even what to say to imply you want a lower price

Well, you can always flat out ask, but that’s not the best way to go about it. The general script I usually recommend (first made for my brother, who is too nice for confrontation but who was spending WAY too much on secondhand car parts) goes like this. Please keep in mind that it’s only really fair to do this when someone has not already said that the price is firm. (Though, if something is listed weeks ago, I will occasionally ask if they’re still firm on price just to see if that’s changed):

1. Is this item still available? (If it has been for sale for a while, you can probably ask for a lower price--seller may want it gone.)

2. General question about the item--size, condition, how old it is, etc. Anything not already covered in the description.

3. Appreciation for answer to the question + reason why this may not be perfect for you at the current price. This could be “Oh, it’s way bigger than I thought, I’m not sure if it’ll work for what I have in mind!” (True of the windows I just bought; they’re hella long!) or “Man, I really love this but it’s super far for me to drive!” You are trying to convey some hesitation over buying so that the seller will be motivated to entice you into buying, and to lay groundwork for this:

4. Would you consider...(amount of money). The amount I offer is typically about half to a third less than asking price, or, if I think I can get away with it, what I would consider the Crazy Good Deal price. (Offering $25 for an item priced at $100 is a Crazy Good Deal; normally I don’t try that low, because it’s almost an insult. In this case, I knew the seller had had them listed for a while, wanted to get rid of them by tomorrow, was flexible on price, and had to admit to some damage to the items.) Before you get to this point, try to avoid committing to buying or sounding like you Must Have This Thing--you want the seller to know you could still walk away.

Also, don’t put this number on the table right away--you want to get in your explanation and questions (if in person, try to establish a rapport first!) before you put the number down, because from here out it’s just talking money, and that’s all people will pay attention to.

At this point, the seller may say:

Yes, I’d take that.

No, I’m firm at the listing price

No, but I would take (amount of money).

If it’s 1., congrats! Be appropriately grateful, arrange pickup, and be punctual and polite. If 2., you say either: “Okay, thank you! I can make that work,” or “Okay, thank you for considering that! I can’t make this work at the current price, but please let me know if you change your mind later. I really appreciate your time on this,” or something else like that. Personally, I rarely even ask on an item if I’m not willing to pay full price; negotiating down is nice, but usually I’ve already decided to get the thing. I don’t like to feel like I’ve wasted the seller’s time.

If they respond with 3., you can either counteroffer with an amount in the middle of your first number and theirs, or you can just take them up on what they said.

Keep in mind that both of you can walk away from the sale, but that you’re not likely to lose anything by just asking. Be polite, respectful of other people’s time, and read the listing (everybody hates being asked questions they already gave answers to). This, of course, also applies at yard sales or other situations where price is negotiable. My brother really likes the “would you consider...” line because they can always respond with “No, I won’t.” And that’s totally fair!

Personally, I enjoy doing this from both sides! When I sell stuff secondhand, I always start by listing at what I would consider The Most This Thing Is Worth, and usually I let myself be talked down from that.

#Anonymous

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recurring-polynya · 2 years

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hi! i love reading all of your writing advice. i was wondering if you had any advice to offer about finishing pieces? i find myself starting so many and losing the thread.

I wanted to answer this a lot earlier, but I couldn't, because when I got it, I was literally in the agonies of trying to end a fanfic, and I couldn't, in good conscience, give advice on a topic while I was weeping and gnashing and rolling around on the ground over it.

However, the fanfic is done, and I am happy to say that the thing I was going to tell you anyway worked decently well, it is now tested.

What you need to do is ask yourself: what needs to happen for this story to be done? What is it that your story needs to do? I am an engineer by training, and in engineering, whenever you are making something, you define (or are handed) some specs or requirements. Make me a nozzle that sprays 1 gallon per minute in a 60 degree fan. Design me some software that takes a user input and securely adds it to a database. A story is an object that you design that fulfills a function, you just need to decide what it is.

The best time to make this decision, I am sorry to say, is before you start writing, but the next best time is right now. I think a lot of times people start a story based on an AU or some sort of scenario, and they have a whole bunch of thoughts about it and they start writing, but they don't actually have a direction in mind, and all of a sudden, it's like, where do I go with this?

Some stories are simple narratives: you have put your characters into a scrape and you just need to get them out. Other times, the story is a mood piece, your goal is to show that your main character loves his son, even though he appears closed off and grumpy. In the story I was working on, which was fairly short, the things I decided I need to do were: 1) have the characters part ways at the end, and 2) end on a tense note (it was a downer of a story, and it was important that they tried and failed to resolve the emotional conflict they were experiencing).

If you're having trouble with this, ask yourself this question: what is my story about? It might be helpful to try to write out something like an ao3 story blurb (I know these are hard to write, but a lot of time they are hard to write because you don't know what your story is about). It doesn't need to be zingy or zippy, though, it can just be something like "this is a story about two people who fall in love but they can't get together because they are from warring factions." You look at that and you can see the various endings: either they end up together, or they don't, those are the choices.

Once you have that defined, then look where you are, and figure out how to get from here to there. In the example above, maybe you decide you want them to live. How can that happen? Do they have to end the whole war? That sounds hard. Can one of them defect? Can they escape to another place? That sounds good! They need a shuttlecraft. Can they steal one? Oh, Character B is a space mechanic, maybe they can cobble some junk together! See how that works?

For a story where the end condition is "learn the meaning of friendship," you may have to sit down and say, well, what is the scenario that would show the two characters are friends now? Can I just do that right now, or do I need to lay more groundwork? What is that groundwork? Have them begrudgingly work together on a project? Have one witness the other being kind to a mutual acquaintance? Have the other learn an important piece of contextual backstory about the first? Repeat until you can draw a dotted line from where you are to where you need to be.

Anytime I write a story that's more than ~10k words, I keep a ancillary Google doc of notes for it (if it's less than 10k, I just keep notes down at the bottom). Here are the sorts of things I keep in my notes:

- Character goals/motivations. Whenever I don't know where to go with my story, I look these notes and say to myself, what can happen to move them further along this path? What would have to happen in this story to make it complete for this character? Keeping this in mind also helps me to know what the character is going to do in any given situation, so it also very helpful for keeping your characters consistent, or if they have character growth, to make sure it progresses the way you intend.

- A lot of the time, I will set time constraints on a story. Let's say it takes place over a week. I'll write out the days of the week and what happens each day (even if it's "nothing"). This is probably my #1 "finishing a fanfic" trick, simply deciding what time frame you're gonna have, and then forcing yourself to deal with it.

- A chapter-by-chapter breakdown, with just a short summary of the important events that happen each chapter. I usually make this after I have been working on the fic for a while, because I usually let chapter length emerge naturally. If you're trying to wrap up a multichapter fanfic, you might just say "I want to end this in three chapters" and then try to figure out what can happen into those three chapters to get you to a satisfactory resolution.

- This has nothing to do with ending a fanfic, but whenever I delete a scene I don't like, I paste it into the bottom of the notes doc, so I can cannibalize it later (sometimes for another story even), or just read it years later for lolz.

I hope this is helpful! Ending things is really hard! I'm sorry I don't have a more fun answer than "planning", because I hate planning more than anyone, but sometimes it just be like that!

Note: I have written all of this under the assumption that what you are asking is "how to I steer an undirected plotline to a resolution?" and not "how do I come up with a last line for a story?" because if it's the second, that is my absolute worst weakness as a writer and you are just going to have to ask someone else. 😂

#writing advice

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chosonore · 3 years

Text

part one | oblivion

oblivion [noun. the state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening around one]

pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader

summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.

wordcount: 3.9k

content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, noritoshi is kind of a dick but i promise it gets better so please don’t lose faith in him, we’re not strictly following the manga timeline bc while i am reading it, i do have a goldfish brain, lowercase intended

a/n: hello, here’s the first installment of my sanguine series! it’s the prequel of this drabble (nsfw) i wrote the other week while i was working on the outline of the fic. it’s a little slow burn because i wanted to spend some more time exploring their relationship and the groundwork for it, so yeah. i’ll try to update it regularly, but since i’ve only planned five parts for sanguine, it might take a while bc i want to take my time with it. if you want to stay updated with the series, i’ll post the masterlist to it shortly! i do hope you enjoy it though :) and stay safe, everybody! [tagging @sukirichi the sukuna to my yuuji, who just gets spammed when i start rambling about my aus but always screams with me (´• ω •`)]

masterlist - next

"y/n!" you look up to see miwa storming towards you, thrusting a book in your direction. "could you- could you please give this to noritoshi? i borrowed this book from him like a week ago and if i don't return this anytime soon, i think he's gonna kill me."

scowling at her, you look at the book in disdain. you wanted to avoid crossing paths with noritoshi as much as possible and miwa was well aware that you didn't like hi-

"please," miwa pleaded again, taking your hands and placing the book in it. "i'm really scared of him. he always looks like he's going to shoot me soon. even todo is pretty nice if you don't interrupt his takada-chan time!"

you sighed in annoyance, you just couldn't say no. ever since coming to the kyoto metropolitan curse tech, miwa and you had been pretty close because you strongly disliked the other students. most of them were arrogant and stuck-up, thinking they were better than the other; the two that belonged to the three clans were even worse. on your first day here you'd promptly gotten into a fight with mai, disliking how haughty she was and trying to prove everyone that she was better than them. much to your chagrin, the fight ended in a tie.

"fine, but you owe me some mango," miwa's face lit up in relief and she gave you a thumbs up before dashing to her room, most likely to escape noritoshi's wrath. you inspected the book. was it even worth returning it? maybe you could just throw it in the trash. if noritoshi ever found out, he'd kill miwa first and then you. you let out another sigh before making your way towards the training grounds. he most likely was outside to practice, either with one of the guys or alone. as you were nearing the training grounds, you could already hear the sound of arrows whistling and the dull thuds of them hitting the target. it was hard to spot him through all the trees; you weren't entirely sure where he was. your ears perked up when you heard him release another arrow until you realized that it was heading your way. this bastard. fortunately, you were able to slash the arrow clean in the middle, angrily pointing your sword in his direction. you still couldn't see him anywhere.

"you fucking idiot! you could've killed me," you snarled, stomping deeper into the forest. an amused laugh echoed through the trees.

"you're acting like i can't control my arrows. it's not my fault you let your guard down," noritoshi retorted smugly, lowering his bow as he saw you approaching. you were fuming, hurling the book at him. how dare he? you watched with satisfaction as it hit him square in the chest - who was caught off guard now, huh? he deserved it anyways.

"miwa asked me to return your book," you curtly explained and turned back around to leave but apparently, noritoshi had other plans. instead of saying anything else, he just followed you which unsettled you even more.

"stop following me."

"who said i was following you? i'm just going back to the dorms. i'm sorry you can't handle me being near you."

you whirled around, sword pointing dangerously close to his neck. he smirked at you triumphantly, it was just too easy to get a rouse out of you. "another word and i'll cut you, seriously. you're pissing me off," you gritted your teeth, hating that you always fell for his stupid games. he knew you all to well, what made you angry, what made you happy, what motivated you. once upon a time, you'd thought the same about him; until he changed so rapidly, so unlike your expectations. you were worlds apart and yet you'd reserved an ounce of hope that he wouldn't turn out to be as arrogant as the clan heads. swift as the wind, noritoshi grabbed your wrist, dragging it upwards and towards him until he could lean down to you. your heartbeat sped up - holy shit why was he so close to you - and you froze in shock.

"i'd like to see you try, princess," he whispered in your ear, the grip on your wrist tightening. "you wouldn't dare to."

the first time you met noritoshi, he was sitting outside in the garden with his mum. both seemed to have a good time. noritoshi's hair was tousled from the soft summer breeze and he had a soft smile on his face, happily munching away on the snacks that were displayed on the table. while he looked friendly enough, you were wary of meeting and talking to him because you felt kind of queasy around the kamo family. you couldn’t quite place a finger on the feeling, the older members of the family intimidating you to no end. much to your dismay, you felt like you had to be watchful - your parents worked for the kamo family, so naturally the apartment you lived in was close to the estate. you avoided any run ins with the adults, they weren’t exactly friendly to you. noritoshi’s mum had befriended your mum and they spent a lot of time together when possible. and yet you’d never met noritoshi before, seeing how busy he was with his various classes.

the fit that you threw, not wanting to tag along with your mum, was long forgotten when you’d spotted the jar of cookies on the table. before your mum could react, you pulled your hand away from hers and quickly ran towards it. “hello miss!” you greeted enthusiastically, your eyes shining at the sight of the sweets. “my name is y/n! i’m here with my mum and i uhm… could i have some of the cookies? please?” when your mum finally caught up to you, she scolded you quietly and greeted the other two, taking a seat beside noritoshi’s mum. you pouted, immediately climbing on her lap as you refused to sit next to the boy. his mum handed you a cookie which you happily took and thanked her politely. noritoshi was curiously eyeing you; it wasn’t often that he saw other children around his age and he didn’t have any friends to play with. his everyday life revolved around reading books, studying, taking archery classes and sometimes spending time with his mum. noritoshi barely even knew what fun was - he’d only ever felt at peace when he was around his mum.

“y/n, sweetie, why don’t you go and play with noritoshi?” your mum prompted but you immediately shook your head, hiding your face in her chest. she simply laughed and shook her head, brushing your hair back softly. “come on, noritoshi is really nice. you can be his friend one day, right? didn’t i tell you that friends are important?”

you frowned. then huffed. when she worded it like this, there was no way you could refuse. the cartoon that you religiously watched featured a group of friends that went on adventures and helped each other out. you’d told your mum that you wanted to be like that too! begrudgingly, you slid off her lap and trudged towards noritoshi who looked at you with big eyes. you held your hand out, waiting for him to shake it. “my name is y/n. uhm… nice to meet you,” you shyly whispered, eyes darting away from him.

it took a while until noritoshi reacted, shaking your hand gently and answering: “hello y/n, i’m noritoshi.”

much to your surprise, noritoshi was actually fun to be around with. he showed you his collection of books, the bow that he was practicing with and you often played the card game you’d received for your birthday together. he was smart and witty, often explaining you things that he’d read in a book but he was also attentive when he listened to you ramble about the other kids in school or when you told him about the cartoon that you were watching. for you, noritoshi was becoming your best friend - for noritoshi, you were his first friend. he cherished you and how unabashedly true to yourself you were. spending time with you was something he looked forward to; you always made him laugh and you didn’t care whether he lived up to the kamo family name or not. to you, he was simply noritoshi. you were like a fresh breeze of air in his life.

noritoshi didn't quite understand why the elders were always so hard on him, so strict and unrelenting. they expected only the best results from him and didn't show any understanding when he exhausted. he didn't enjoy practice anymore, the lessons becoming a chore and burden on his mind. but whenever he saw your face light up at his newly acquired skills, he thought it was worth the trouble. you came to visit him everyday after school, never skipping a day. sometimes he questioned why you weren't visiting your friends from school but you shook your head, poking his chest indignantly. "you're my best friend, 'toshi. of course i'd want to spend more time with you." noritoshi was glad you always chose him, without fail.

even though your parents had always warned you to be careful around noritoshi because his family was strict and didn't like outside influences distracting the heir, you never really strayed from his side. noritoshi didn't have any other friends, who would keep him company or listen to his troubles then? you didn't understand why your parents were suddenly going back on their word. they'd always told you that family and friends were important. you couldn't pinpoint your feelings for him - but your parents saw it. it was obvious; the stars in your eyes when you looked at him, the slight blush on your cheeks when he complimented you and how happy you were when you got to spend time with him. the more time you spent with him, the more they were worried for you.

"'toshi!" you yelled in excitement as you ran towards him, waving wildly. he dropped his bow and turned to you, a soft smile gracing his lips as he opened his arms to hug you. you squeezed him tightly. two weeks you hadn't seen him due to a school trip after which you got sick and weren't able to leave the house. you'd missed him a lot and you were excited to show him the souvenirs you brought him.

"look, i bought you an omamori!" you handed him the small object, then pointing on your bag to show him the one you'd bought for yourself. "i got myself a matching one too! my teacher said it wards off evil spirits and brings you luck." noritoshi's smile was bright, so bright. he was happy you thought of him and were always kind to him. your eyes widened as he leaned in to kiss your cheek before thanking you. the two of you were blushing, neither saying a word but not minding what had just happened.

the day noritoshi's mother left the estate was the day you were slowly starting to lose him. noritoshi grew more forlorn and didn't seem to easily find joy in anything anymore. the departure left a deep, deep gap in his heart. it had shocked him deep to the core when she left him. him. why couldn't she stay? why did she leave him when she was the only person who protected him, loved him? she did say that she was hindering his growth but who was she to decide that? he didn't want to become stronger, didn't want to protect other people like she'd told him to. he wanted to stay with her. "'toshi? 'toshi!" a concerned voice broke through his trance, pulling him back into reality. "i asked you a question! you weren't even listening to me."

you were pouting at him, tugging at his sleeve impatiently. noritoshi apologized, patting your head to soothe your temper. "what do you want to do in the future? mum said it's important to work towards your dreams!" you asked him curiously, grasping his hand to hold it. the gesture filled him with indescribable warmth, drawing him in like a moth to the flames. "my mum said i have a special power, i can heal people! i want to become a doctor in the future, so i can help everyone that got hurt," you explained to him so earnestly that he felt bad for the lie he was about to tell. noritoshi didn't have big dreams or ambitions just yet. he didn't even know what would be suitable to him - he was strictly following orders, never allowed to think for himself.

but when he looked at you, he only had one wish. "i think… i think i want to help people, protect them. especially those that i love."

with each year passing, you noticed that noritoshi was putting more and more distance between the two of you. at first you'd brushed it off as the stress of his training and number of classes he was attending. but as you spent less and less time together, the weight of the situation didn’t escape you. he was easily irritable, cold and arrogant, often rude towards employees of the kamo estate. every now and then when you’d scold him for being an asshole, he’d simply scoff at you and haughtily ask you how it was any of your business. you sighed, tossing and turning in your bed as you thought about how much noritoshi had changed. it kept you up at night, just thinking about how he wasn’t your ‘toshi anymore. you didn’t know this person. ‘toshi was always gentle and kind, he tended to overthink many things and sometimes he was a little bit of a crybaby but you still loved him regardless. you sneaked out of your room, finally mustering up enough courage to ask your mother for advice. the thought of her discovering your blooming crush on noritoshi was scaring you. your parents were wary around the kamos despite working from them - even more so ever since noritoshi’s mother left and the elders had free reign over her son.

“noritoshi! noritoshi, stop walking away from me! hey, i’m talking to you!” you yelled frustrated as you were trying to keep up with him. noritoshi was crossing the garden in long strides, it was nearly impossible to stop him as you couldn’t catch up to him. you lunged forward, getting hold of his sleeve and tugged him back harshly. noritoshi yanked his arm out of your grip, glaring at you annoyed.

“what do you want from me? i have better things to do than to quibble with you,” he hissed irritated. you couldn’t believe him, he had the nerve to dismiss you like this when he was in the wrong?

“you know exactly what i want from you! you can’t just go around and talk to people like you did before just because they’re not from a reputable family! noritoshi, you’re not any better than them just because your last name is kamo.”

as much as noritoshi scared you, you stood your ground. you knew he didn’t take you serious, not with the amused look he gave you. in the past month or two, noritoshi was suddenly hit by a growth spurt - you barely reached his shoulder now and he took advantage of that to mock you, often treating you like an armrest. he pat your head condescendingly, pouting at you in fake regret. “aw, did i hurt your feelings? did i make itty bitty little y/n sad?” he mocked you, before abruptly grabbing your cheeks to make you look at him. “i don’t care what you think of me, cry all you want. i strongly suggest you hold that sharp tongue of yours if you know what’s good. know your place.”

tears filled your eyes; noritoshi had never talked to you this way. what has gotten into him? your heart broke in pieces, unable to take the pain any longer. you were no longer his equal but below him, much like everyone else.

“mum?” you cautiously knocked at the door of her study, waiting for her response. your mother was most likely still awake and dealing with paperwork like she usually did. upon hearing the affirmative noise she made, you flitted inside, closing the door behind you so your father didn’t catch any wind of this. it was already embarrassing enough and you were sure your mother could offer you better advice. you gingerly took a seat on the armchair, grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to your body. how were you going to approach this? hey mum, i have a crush on noritoshi and he’s weird to me now and i don’t know why? uh yeah mum, i caught feelings for the guy you warned me about and now i look like a fool crawling up to you like this?

“it’s about noritoshi, isn’t it?” your mother interrupted your stream of thought, spinning her swivel chair towards you.

“huh? oh no it isn’t, why would it be? i have-”

“y/n.”

“ugh okay fine, maybe it is about him,” you sighed defeated, of course she would look right through you. she always seemed to know what you were thinking, even when you hadn’t confided in her before. “but promise me you won’t judge me!” the look in your mother’s eyes told you that she was going to judge you regardless but you knew she meant well - she simply wanted the best for you.

“i- i just don’t understand why he’s been such a pain in the ass lately. and he’s been treating everyone like dirt too, including me! mum, he’s becoming someone else and i… i don’t know what to do,” you sniffled inconsolably, wiping at your eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. she wasn’t supposed to see you getting emotional. “he’s always busy and when we do get to see each other, he doesn’t want to spend time with me. what if he doesn’t like me anymore? and i don’t like how he’s treating you! it’s the same issue with the elders, they don’t know any human decency at all!”

your mother motioned you to scoot over a little and sat next to you, wrapping her arms around you and patting your back to console you. while she meant well, it accomplished the opposite - you broke down in tears, unable to stop your sobs. “i just want my ‘toshi back,” you whimpered upset, burying your face in the pillow to muffle the sound of you crying. “i know you didn’t like that i became good friends with him but i couldn’t help it and i just really like him and- you weren’t supposed to find that out.”

“sweetheart, i know you love noritoshi,” she handed you a tissue. “you let a lot more on than you were aware of; dad and me always knew you were in love with him.” as if on cue, your sobbing stopped and you just looked at her in disbelief. she knew. she knew. you wanted the earth to swallow you whole. “i think it was always pretty obvious, to be honest. you always looked at him as if he was your entire world and no matter what happened, you were always by his side. i know it’s hard to accept when a dear friend is changing but sometimes you just have to, right? both of you are still growing, there’s no way of telling how your personalities change.”

“but i don’t want him to change like this,” you protested stubbornly, glaring at her. she was talking about it as if it was a matter of simply discarding a bad apple in the trash. it wasn’t easy and it made you anxious. you grew up together, shared secrets and memories. he was the person you’d always looked up to.

“y/n.” your mother sounded stern but you didn’t back down, not yet. “is it really worth it? if a person is changing so rapidly and you’re not getting through to them, you’ll have to let it go. there’s only so much you can do. people grow apart sometimes, it’s only natural. you have to let go of them, temporarily, so you both can heal and grow. y/n, i know you’re being stubborn about this but you’ll have to let him figure things out on his own. fate has curious ways to bring people back together.”

when the time came, noritoshi left to attend the kyoto metropolitan curse tech school without telling you a word. you were disappointed, apparently you weren’t worth saying goodbye to. whatever his reason was, it must’ve been pretty important. important enough to forget the promise that you’d always stay in contact. you wondered whether he'd change again, for the better maybe? maybe you would reconcile when you could finally attend the school as well and train together. you were excited to show him your sword skills, having received your family's heirloom, an elegant steel blue sword. though your skills probably weren’t up to par with the other students, you still wanted to show them off, show him what you’d learned in the year that you spent apart.

noritoshi had changed but not for the better. holy shit, did he get on your nerves. the first time he'd practiced with you, you realized that he had mutated into an insufferable know-it-all. he would give you backhanded compliments or make snide remarks about your posture, how you were supposed to hold your sword, how inefficient your fighting style was. sometimes you wished you could just beat him for once and have him shut up. there was no denying though, noritoshi was way too strong and you had a long way to go. judging from the reactions of the others, barely anyone had beat him either.

and just like that, your feelings for him were buried. you’d taken your mother’s advice to heart, keeping conversations and interactions with him to a minimum but somehow noritoshi always found his way to you. he was everywhere and a quarrel was inevitable. noritoshi got under your skin and he knew how to push your buttons. why he chose to pick on you was beyond your comprehension; he didn’t pay much attention to the other students nor was he particularly liked by them. just how much was he going to get on everyone else’s nerves? out of all the second years, todo aoi was the most amicable; you had the (dis)pleasure to run into him on your first day and for some reason, he took a liking to you. while he was loud and boisterous, mostly doing whatever he wanted, you couldn’t deny that he was a good friend. even though he didn’t care about anyone as much as he cared about takada-chan. at one point, he’d looked at you in sympathy when he caught you staring at noritoshi, patting your shoulder (too forceful): “i’m sorry, y/n, i’m so sorry.”

you still didn’t know what he meant by that.

ps.: todo knows and he’s kinda judging you for your taste in men

#jujutsu kaisen #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi kamo x reader #noritoshi x you #kamo noritoshi x you #noritoshi kamo x you #noritoshi kamo imagines #kamo noritoshi imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #noritoshi imagines #fic: sanguine #writing #my writing has gotten SO incredibly rusty i literally only know how to write academic papers anymore bc that's all i do in my everyday life #it makes me speechless to see all the love on my previous sukuna fic and i'm so glad people are enjoying it #hey if you're lurking in the tags thank you for reading i really appreciate it! pls stay hydrated

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years

Text

Variants. Time Keepers. Apocalypses. Alligators. Jet Skis. Over the course of Season 1 of Marvel Studios’ Loki, the God of Mischief has seen and done it all across the Sacred Timeline. But now at the end of time — literally, Loki has arrived at the Citadel at the End of Time, accompanied by Sylvie — only one question remains: Has this journey changed Loki? It’s even a question He Who Remains poses, reminding the duo that they can’t reach the end until they’ve seen a change: “It needs to happen, to get us all in the right mindset to finish the quest.”

For a trickster who has always been so focused on his wants and needs, it’s safe to say that Loki’s time working for the Time Variance Authority (and then trying to take down the TVA) has certainly shaped him in ways we haven’t seen before. Gone is the Asgardian who commanded people to kneel before him; now, for the first time, we’re seeing a softer side to Loki as he realizes that his choices have consequences and he’s in charge of his own destiny — no one else. Going all the way back to the very beginning of Episode 1, as Loki stands before Judge Renslayer at the TVA, he yells that no one else will dictate how his story ends, and he’s finally doing just that.

“Loki, as a show, has introduced so many complex ideas, and themes, and conversations,” Tom Hiddleston tells Marvel.com. “One of the things I've been so pleased and thrilled to see with the show is how deeply the audience is engaged with the big ideas, the ideas of fate versus free will, agency versus determinism. Do we have the capacity to genuinely choose our path through our lives? And in those choices, where do we derive meaning? To what extent are any of us free? To what extent are these characters free to choose their route through the universe and self-realize and determine the course of their lives?”

Loki didn’t change completely on his own, though, as everyone he encounters throughout all six episodes influences him in ways he never could have predicted, from his surprising friendship with Mobius to Classic Loki reclaiming his “glorious purpose.”

“People latched onto the relationship between Loki and Mobius, and understood that there was a mirror in the two of them,” Hiddleston says. “Both Mobius and Loki had a lot to teach each other. Mobius opens up Loki’s sense of his own identity and that this might be something that's malleable. And then Sylvie opens up something in Loki about the nature of identity. And that Loki is able to then reflect back to Mobius.”

“In Episode 5, suddenly, the conversations the three of them have had [cause] an effect on the variant Lokis — on Classic Loki, on Kid Loki, on Boastful Loki. I like to think on Alligator Loki, too. Maybe he starts to think about free will.”

This all comes to a head when Loki and Sylvie have the most important conversation of all, with He Who Remains. Standing before this man behind the curtain, He Who Remains lays out his entire philosophy, the reason behind the TVA and all the smoke and mirrors. It’s to protect the Sacred Timeline from his own variants.

“This conversation between the three of them about the nature of reality, about the nature of time, about the nature of the multiverse, and the question about whether the TVA organization has any moral authority to determine reality as we see it,” Hiddleston continues. “There's an enormous amount to unpack, an enormous amount to think about, and it provokes as many questions as it provides answers.”

Loki, having gained a new perspective, wants to stop and think about what he’s just learned since it’s heavy. Sylvie, on the other hand, believes “he’s stalling for time and that it’s another manipulation. She feels is on the precipice of some catharsis,” adds Hiddleston. The two come to a disagreement where they both believe they’re the one in the right. Loki wants to weigh the options of He Who Remains’ proposal, and Sylvie just wants this puppet-master dead.

“It’s incredibly distressing for both of them that they disagree in this moment,” Hiddleston says. “It was quite an intense scene for us. We knew we had to be quite precise about the way the scene unfolded.”

Not only are they verbally arguing, but soon both have their weapons at the ready and are trading blows back and forth. (Something He Who Remains giddily watches from the sidelines.)

This finale was the last thing shot for the season, with Jonathan Majors joining the cast, as He Who Remains, for the last week they were in production. From there, it was time to dive into the trio’s conversation and how it caps off all the themes leading up to this point — identity, free will, and accepting yourself, to name a few.

“Right up to the time of the few days in which we filmed it, we were refining the dialogue between Loki and Sylvie because we needed to make sure that there was a balance,” Hiddleston recalls. “Both their positions [needed to be] articulated, and the audience could see the struggle. We worked all weekend to make sure we integrated the scene with the choreography so that it was completely seamless. The disagreement was at the center of all of it, and every word and every move.”

Unfortunately, the two just can’t see eye to eye on the situation — as He Who Remains points out, Sylvie can’t trust and Loki can’t be trusted. Hiddleston even notes, “At the center of Loki’s identity, certainly for as long as I’ve played him, is untrustworthiness. He’s unpredictable and spontaneous.”

But now, with a tearful confession to Sylvie, Loki’s newly changed outlook shines through as he takes everything he’s learned over the course of the series and tries to reason with her. But, “it’s heartbreaking pain because she’s not on the same page.”

“The confession in Episode 6 reveals how much he’s evolved. Sylvie believes Loki’s position comes from the same old motivation to sit on a throne. But it doesn’t. It comes from genuine care for another being outside of himself. It speaks to a theme that was very close to all of our hearts as filmmakers, which was about self-confrontation, and self-awareness, and self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance in some way. That the only way of moving forward is to acknowledge who you are. And then change can begin.”

Making matters worse, Sylvie isn’t the only familiar face Loki loses in the end. Though he ends up back within the halls of the TVA, this isn’t the TVA he left. The choices Loki and Sylvie made at the Citadel at the End of Time are already breeding consequences, one of which is that “his friend Mobius doesn’t recognize him and doesn’t know who he is. His destabilization in that moment is profound.”

Loki and Mobius’ friendship has been a touchstone for the series, and according to Hiddleston, as the show was being developed, their relationship was “one of the things I was drawn to.”

“I’m very moved by the idea of their friendship,” he continues. “I don’t think Loki has allowed himself to have many friends. Because to have friends, you have to be vulnerable, and you have to trust. Loki’s so defensive, vulnerability and trust, those two things don’t come easily to him. Mobius is perhaps the first figure in Loki’s life to sit across from him and reflect him back to himself without judgment, but somehow with compassion.”

“Mobius is able to contain Loki and say, ‘This is who you are. And I understand.’ That feeling of compassion or lack of judgment is new for Loki, and allows him to open up in a way that facilitates the genesis of this unique friendship. Mobius also is surprised by his affection for Loki. And then it’s Loki who teaches Mobius about life outside the TVA, life before the TVA. Maybe he had a life. Maybe he had a family. Maybe he had a jet ski. They mean a lot to each other, and they’ve done a lot for each other.”

With a new Mobius now in the mix, this means that the pair’s parting goodbye in Episode 5 was their final farewell, when “Mobius offers his hand; Loki chooses to hug him and he says, ‘Thank you, my friend.’ That’s very sincere and very meaningful.”

What’s a trickster to do when he finds himself in an unfamiliar place surrounded by people he used to know? That remains to be seen, as the season ends before those questions are answered, laying the complex groundwork for Season 2 and the lingering unanswered TVA questions.

“What’s been fascinating for me making it, and continues to be one of the most interesting questions of our story, is the moral complexity of the TVA,” Hiddleston concludes. “The idea that an organization that claims to govern the order of time with benevolence and precision is actually something much more ambiguous. And there's a question: On what authority does the TVA, or anyone who has set it up or runs it, decide who gets to live and who doesn't, who gets to participate in reality as we know it?”

#Loki #Tom Hiddleston #interview

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 3 years

Note

hey :/ i started to realize that i was a trans man around the same time my ex realized he was, too. we came out to each other and he thinks i’m copying him. advice??

Lee says:

We’ve gotten versions of this question from folks on both sides in the past. People have said things like “I came out and then my little sister came out, I think she’s copying my gender/identity and I don’t like it!” and folks who say stuff like “My friend came out and then I came out, and now she thinks I’m copying her gender/identity and I don’t like it!”

Indeed, it’s common for one person to come out and then another person follows suit! But this doesn't mean that the second person is “faking” their identity and copying the first person because they were jealous of the attention the first person got for coming out.

It’s common for LGBTQ folks to be friends with each other before any of them realize that they’re LGBTQ. Somehow, we just seem to attract each other! And a lot of trans people only start identifying as trans once they learn more about the trans community and spend time interacting with trans people, whether it’s online or IRl, so someone spending time with a trans person and then identifying as trans doesn’t mean that being trans is contagious, or that the person is faking it- it means they just learned more about being trans and realized it fits them too.

Using myself as an example- I had a friend who came out as non-binary, and the next year I came out as non-binary too. I wasn’t “copying” my friend per se. But I wasn’t really aware of being non-binary before that, so them coming out made it something on my radar. It made me realize that being non-binary is something that exists and something that a person can be and choose to identify as.

Seeing them take that path planted that little seed in my mind and eventually (after having folks as me if I was trans) I realized that yeah I’m non-binary too. I came out after they did because they helped me question my own gender which made me realize that I’m also non-binary, so they did influence me in a way, and seeing them come out gave me the courage/inspiration/motivation to come out myself.

Now of course it’s been several years... and I’m still non-binary! And so is my friend! Just because they came out first and I didn’t know I was trans for a while, it didn’t make their gender “realer” than mine is now, or any more valid.

That’s why friends, family members, and partners tend to come out around the same time. The first person comes out, and that makes the second person question their gender because they didn’t know as much about being trans before, and then they come out too. Or maybe both people knew they were trans already, but one person came out which helped lay down the groundwork for the other person to feel comfortable coming out too because they had a better idea of how someone would react. Or both people realized they were trans and came out at the same time independently- that happens too!

Regardless of how things happened, you both identify as trans and that’s something that needs to be respected. Even if someone was “faking” for some reason and copying someone’s gender, using a different name and pronouns for them until they get tired of it isn’t really going to hurt anyone- and you don’t know if they’re faking, so you should give them the benefit of doubt. Nobody can peer into someone’s head and figure out their gender for them- if someone says that they’re trans, you have to take them at their word because there’s no “Trans Test” that you can take to determine if they’re truly trans.

You can talk more about why you identify as trans if you want, but you shouldn’t ever feel like you have to “defend” and justify your identity; you don’t need to share more than you feel comfortable sharing. And even if him realizing he was trans had any influence or impact on your realization, it doesn’t mean that you’re copying or any less trans- there’s no shame in that, and it shouldn’t be something you have to hide or pretend isn’t true.

If you feel like he’s a good friend to you otherwise and you want to invest your emotional energy into trying to maintain a friendship with him, you can tell him you need to have a serious conversation with him and then explain that you genuinely feel that you are a man and you were hurt that he’s accused you of pretending to be trans/faking your gender/copying his gender, and remind him that it’s never okay to misgender you or say something that invalidates your gender identity.

If he keep saying shitty things after you’ve had a talk with him, then you need to just move on! Stop wasting your time and emotional energy engaging with this guy. Tell him that you can’t be friends with someone who won’t respect your identity and you won’t be spending any more time with him until and unless he changes his behavior.

Then actually do it! Block and unfollow him on social media and block his phone number and delete his contact if you have to. Hang out with different friends instead!

If you have a shared group of friends, make it clear to them that you’re uncomfortable when people misgender and disrespect you. Make sure you tell them what this guy has said to you and how it’s hurt you, then explain that you don’t want them to hold any group get-togethers with this guy because he’s creating a hostile environment for you (or at least tell them not to invite him to events you’ll be at too unless they’re going to take the responsibility of actively calling him out and correcting him).

Personally, I’d advise just blocking/ignoring him and moving on. While some people can be friends with ex-partners, I have the feeling things aren’t going great between the two of you from the connotation of you calling him your “ex” and not your friend. It can be hard to move on (trust me! I know! I never get over things or move on from anything, ever!) but sometimes you have to remind yourself that this person isn’t actually making your life better and you need to take care of yourself and disengage from them.

Breakups and ending relationships/friendships:

How should I end a relationship?

Ending unhealthy relationships

6 steps to ending a toxic relationship with a friend or partner

How to break up gracefully

wikiHow to Break Up

How To Break Up Like a Grown Up

How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps

How To Dump Someone (Like An Actual Adult)

Fire Your Friends: Drop The Negative People In Your Life

6 Ways To Cut A Toxic Friend Out Of Your Life For Good

3 ways to end a toxic friendship

What to do when one of the friends in your friend group is bad to you

After a breakup:

10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation

5 ways to beat loneliness

Coping with a relationship breakup

7 phrases to help you get over a breakup

Dealing with a breakup

Help for when a relationship ends

Beyond codependency

It’s okay to be alone

5 things to remember when you still love the emotionally abusive partner you left

5 helpful things when you end a relationship

How the 7 stages of grief apply to breakups

7 ways to cope with post-split stress

How to deal with losing a friend

Letting go of someone who’s not good for you

What if my ex starts outing me as trans?

Followers, any advice for an anon whose ex-partner accuses them of “copying” their gender identity?

Followers say:

lesbean-on-ice said: I don’t really have any advice, but i can really relate to this post. my best friend, who I’ve known since kindergarten, and I started to question our genders around the same time, and we both went through multiple labels to find the right fit for us. she ended up landing on agender, and I thought I was girlflux at the time, but after reading up on the agender label, I realized that was my gender (or lack thereof, lol) as well!

am-anyone said: It can also be gained confidence that causes people to come out at the same time. I knew I was trans and when my friend came out to our friend group it gave me enough confidence to also come out in short succession afterwards. It wasn’t cause of copying but simply I felt less nervous knowing someone had successfully come out already.

#Lee says #faking #copying #trans #friends #Anonymous #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #lgbt #transgender teen survival guide #transgenderteensurvivalguide #TTSG

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twstarchives · 4 years

Text

Silver・Voice Lines

Additional voice lines:

NRC Master Chef event card

School Uniform - R

Unlock Card “What’s your next class?”

Groovy “I want to learn what a servant should be like.”

Home Setting “Oh, it’s you.”

Home Transitions “Are you done getting ready for class? Being ready is oftentimes more important than jumping right in.”

“The weather on days like this makes me wanna sleep...”

“I don’t really pay attention to my clothes. You think I look good in this? Oh, really?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’m leaving if you don’t need anything. ...Why’re you looking at me like that?”

Home Taps “I’m going to study my hardest, as to not embarrass Lord Malleus.”

“It’s good to exert yourself. Hard work always pays off; it’s easy to do, and the outcome is obvious since it relies on you.” ¹

“I’m fine with any kind of clothes, as long as it’s not rude to wear them.”

“Have you gotten used to this school yet? ...Oh. Well, there’s no need to rush.”

“Mm, thanks for waking me up.”

PE Uniform - R

Unlock Card “Physical training is the groundwork for everything. Wanna train together?”

Groovy “My greatest enemy really is myself.”

Home Setting “I’m looking forward to seeing how far I can go.”

Home Transitions “Whether or not I act on my own doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else. You shouldn’t get too caught up about your surroundings either.”

“I think you might have some potential with using a sword. I’d like to see you take a serious try at it sometime.”

“Are you interested in horse riding? Come take a look at the Horse Riding Club sometime. It’d make Riddle happy too.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “What are you going to go do right now? If you don’t have any plans, it’d be great if you could come work out with me.”

Home Taps “Whenever I’m practicing, Sebek always comes over to try challenging me. It’s part of our normal.”

“Training your body in turn trains your mind. You should take it seriously.”

“I go through all of this training so that I can protect Lord Malleus and the others.”

“It’s faster to take a hands-on approach than just learning about something.”

“You don’t need to hit me so hard; I’m already up.”

Lab Coat - SR

Unlock Card “Relax. Your results will suffer if you’re so tense.”

Groovy “I have no choice but to train to overcome my weaknesses.”

Home Setting “You want to study together? You really work hard.”

Home Transitions “You can’t protect the ones you love with power alone. Situations will always come up that require knowledge and wit.”

“Have you been to the greenhouse yet? Be careful in there. It’s warm and puts you to sleep if you don’t watch out.”

“‘Tips for doing labs’? Follow what’s written in the textbook. That’s it.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’ve been trying to incorporate prep and review for my classes into my routine, but... I accidentally fell asleep last night. I’ll do it now.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “The one thing that stays the same between magic and your studies is the need to work your hardest.”

Home Taps “Kalim from my class often fails all his experiments, but he never loses his motivation. That’s an important quality to have.”

“Aren’t you in the same grade as Sebek? What do you think about him? Isn’t his voice the most annoying you’ve ever heard?”

“Fath—Lilia has a ‘creative’ way of cooking. First he finds a recipe, and then he cooks without ever looking at it.”

“Everyone has a certain amount of hours they need to sleep each night, but exactly how many hours short am I...?”

“Rush like that all you want, but you’re not going to finish all of your learning in just one day.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I cook sometimes. I’m not that good at it, but at least I can sort of imagine how I want it to taste when I make things myself.”

Ceremony Robes - SR

Unlock Card “Zz... Ah! Were you calling for me?”

Groovy “The little birds are singing so joyously. I think it’ll be a nice day today.”

Home Setting “I tried fixing up my appearance so I didn’t look like I put in zero effort.”

Home Transitions “I’m really not used to seeing myself look so dressed-up.”

“When I first enrolled here, I was nervous too... Oh, looking back, I guess I wasn’t.”

“I’m still barely a rookie compared to Lilia. Someday I want to make it to his level.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Night Raven College has so much history behind it. I’m so grateful I’m able to attend this school.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Mm... Zzz... Ah! S-Sorry. I got too comfortable and fell asleep.”

Home Taps “It’s a little hard to move in these, but I won’t let something like this stop me from getting in my daily training.”

“They say that silence is golden. But in my case I just don’t have anything worth talking about...”

“I got tired and accidentally rubbed my eye. Did my makeup get smudged?”

“Academies are for nothing but learning. I’m glad I have the opportunity to develop myself. Yes.”

“I don’t know much about clothes, but... these robes would be considered unusual, right?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Someday I want to appear at a Night Raven College ceremony next to Lord Malleus.”

Tutorial “Let’s go.”

Lv Up “I’m glad I’ve expanded my capabilities.”

“Alright, I’m feeling confident.”

“The only way is to keep on training.”

Lv Up Max “With every swing of my sword, I can feel the power rising in my hands. It makes me feel like I’m dreaming.”

Episode Lv Up “It’s not really any fun being with me. And yet you’re always next to me... You’re so weird.”

Magic Lv Up “My magic is hardly anything compared to Lord Malleus, but I’m going to hone my skill as much as I can, at least.”

Limit Break “If I get stronger, I’ll be able to protect Lord Malleus even more. That’s why you can never have enough power.”

Groovy “I’m happy. ‘I don’t look like it’? Understood. Next time I’ll try harder.”

Select Lesson “Any one of your classes is going to be worthwhile.”

“You’re going with that one? I think that’s a good choice.”

“Go ahead and pick anything.”

Lesson Start “I need to be careful not to fall asleep.”

Lesson End “It’s over? Time to move on to our next training.”

Battle Start “If you’re prepared, then draw your weapon.”

Battle Win “Thank you. I’ve gotten a little stronger now.”

Other

Profile Quote “Malleus, my lord, enough dawdling.”

January 2020 Trailer “It’s strange... I feel like I’ve met you somewhere before.”

Countdown Poster “No matter what enemies come for him, I will protect Lord Malleus.”

Player Birthday Wish “Sorry. I remembered it was your birthday, but I couldn’t get everything ready in time. …No. An excuse isn’t good enough. Instead of a present, I’ll come with you to do anything you’d like.”

Magic History

Good ★

“We’re at school, so let’s learn.”

“It’s just memorizing.”

“Strategies? I want to learn them.”

“It’s not good to just be sitting down.”

“Studying is training too.”

“Lilia is good at history.”

“A sleeping curse, huh?”

“I have horse-riding training after school.”

“Even lost kingdoms... still have history.”

Great ★★

“That was so easy.”

“I won against my drowsiness.”

“I’ll get by without Father scolding me.”

Perfect ★★★

“It’s just as I was taught.”

“Someday Lord Malleus will be in these textbooks.”

“Father taught me this.”

Special Lesson Perfect ★★★

“Just do it like I always do.”

“Psyche yourself up.”

“Don’t lose your momentum.”

Flying

Good ★

“I’m on the right track.”

“Straighten you back.”

“I’m good at moving around.”

“Zz... Ah!”

“It’s just like riding a horse.”

“Did you warm up?”

“I bit my tongue.”

“I almost fell asleep in the air...”

“Always stay calm.”

Great ★★

“I have a lot of endurance.”

“No problems with this.”

“So this is it.”

Perfect ★★★

“I want to fly faster.”

“Lilia wouldn’t need a broom.”

“Horses are harder to get along with.”

Special Lesson Perfect ★★★

“I want to watch the Headmaster give an example.”

“He’s watching me.”

“I don’t really mind.”

Alchemy

Good ★

“Focus.”

“Careful.”

“The recipe... is...”

“That egg smells rotten.”

“No issues.”

“Wish I could solve this with a sword.”

“The chemicals sparked...!”

“I have no interest in gold.”

“There’s no easy way out.”

“You need to listen to the teacher.”

“I’m going to rest a little.”

“Eternal life...”

“Let’s keep at it.”

“I’m used to making concoctions.”

“This also trains your ability to focus.”

Great ★★

“It worked.”

“Father taught me this.”

“I can do it even if I’m half-awake.”

“Could be... worse...”

“Follow the textbook.”

Perfect ★★★

“I made jewels. Want one?”

“It’s just like cooking.”

“You can do it if you try. Don’t think about it.”

“I want to show this to Lilia.”

“Let’s try the next one.”

Special Lesson Perfect ★★★

“I feel calm when the Headmaster’s here.”

“Do it just like always... Stay calm.”

“Getting careless will make you mess up.”

“I’m not going to bring shame to Lord Malleus.”

#twisted wonderland #silver #voice lines

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legionofpotatoes · 3 years

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alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned

we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐

but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants

I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses

why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision

the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas

yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move

what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;

but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of

to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted

I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course

[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure

tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”

tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee

why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie

a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever

quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n

the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this

that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone

the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that

also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane

I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out

plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude

total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex

the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks

anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill

#text #long post #aotd spoilers #aotd critical

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quicksandblock · 3 years

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I'm curious to hear your thoughts as to whether Wilbur did originally start off with good intentions with L'Manburg that got corrupted through trauma and whatnot, or if he was always "corrupt" and we just didn't see it until now. Mainly because Tommy seems firmly in the first camp but other characters not so much

oh man, that is a complicated question and I think the answer really depends on your thoughts about Wilbur’s backstory. That is where his motivations come from, after all.

For starters, I don’t think it’s such a clear binary between “good intentions” and “always corrupt.” I’m pretty sure that the potential for that madness was always in Wilbur and even if things had gone differently and he hadn’t gone off the deep end, it still would have been there. Wilbur was a complicated person. His motivations were both selfless and selfish. At the end of his life the worst was brought out in him and eventually that led to his self-destruction. In another universe maybe life and the people around him brought out the best in him instead and he lived up to the best of his potential.

(Edit: just realized how long this is so I’m moving the rest under a cut.)

I’ve written a bit about this before, but I think that Wilbur’s character is driven by his fear of loss. You could explain this in any number of ways. Philza’s parenting is certainly a factor - there is no way that Wilbur grew up secure in the knowledge that his home and family would always be there for him. (I have more to say about Phil’s parenting and the SBI but that is a topic for another post.)

Personally I think that Schlatt was also a big part of why Wilbur became the person he was. Not just Schlatt at the end of his life, but Schlatt when they were young (see: the water rising/lava rising videos). For me, Wilbur’s character is inextricably tied to Schlatt. They were childhood best friends the same way Tommy and Tubbo are: they loved each other, they were inseparable, and they were eventually torn apart by differences in their ideals that couldn’t be reconciled. (Hopefully Tommy and Tubbo have a happier ending.)

Schlatt taught Wilbur that love isn’t enough. You can’t trust that the people who care about you won’t betray you if they decide they need something else more. If you want the people you love to stay with you you have to keep them there. You have to make sure they don’t just love you, they need you, your love is more important to them than the other things they need.

(Again, this definitely built on the groundwork Wilbur’s childhood laid. Phil, I love you, but you fucked up in some kind of way :/)

So there’s Wilbur as a young adult, after he and Schlatt parted ways. He hadn’t necessarily articulated these thoughts to himself - if he knew in so many words that this is how he thought of his relationships, he probably would have been kind of unsettled. But it’s the lesson that life had taught him, so it’s how he lived. To be clear, he wasn’t a bad person. He was just... messed up.

I think Wilbur spent his whole life searching for permanence and control. Those are the two things he was hoping to find in L’Manburg. He saw an unclaimed land full of people without a purpose, and he knew that he could build them into a protective shell around himself. And this is making him sound much more selfish than it should - he honestly did believe in L’Manburg! He loved and believed in its people! But love isn’t enough.

So he made sure they needed him. Tommy and Tubbo especially - out of everyone there they needed purpose and guidance the most. (I’m not touching on Fundy here bc I’m still not sure of my headcanons about him but he falls into that category as well.) He became the brave leader of their new land, standing between them and the brutality and the tyranny of their rulers. Standing behind them and inspiring them to greatness. Making them love him and L’Manburg as much as he loved them, far too much to ever betray or leave him.

It could have been good. He built something truly beautiful on the dubious foundations of the stupid drug van. Maybe he was motivated by fear as much as love, but everyone has flaws. It doesn’t keep them from doing incredible good in the world. If it hadn’t been for Dream, for the return of Schlatt, it would have been good.

The thing about Wilbur’s fear of loss is that when he realizes that he is going to lose something, there’s no way around it, he gives it up. Immediately. He rejects it before it can reject him. He’ll still have lost it, but at least it won’t have power over him. It won’t hurt him as much as it could. You can see this in how he dealt with Fundy’s betrayal - he did a 180 from heartbroken shock to “I despise you.” But something like L’Manburg was too big for him to pretend to himself that it didn’t matter.

He’d finally built something bigger than himself, the way he’d always wanted to, but it hadn’t worked. It hadn’t kept him safe from loss. It had made him lose more than ever before. He’d made a terrible mistake. His L’Manburg didn’t need him.

The fight to get it back didn’t come naturally. Tommy, Tommy inspired him, Tommy was the reason he lasted as long as he did - but ultimately Wilbur only knew how to do one thing, and that was give up. And just leaving and pretending not to care anymore wasn’t enough this time. In order to exorcise L’Manburg from his soul, he needed to hurt it as much as it had hurt him.

From there, well. We all know how it went. To say that Wilbur wasn’t thinking straight during the last months of his life would be an understatement. The Wilbur who built L’Manburg would have been horrified, would have done anything to stop himself, would rather have died. But a lot had happened to him between then and now. So he ended a shell of himself, embodying all his worst qualities, killed by the man who had planted the first seeds of those flaws in him.

There’s a lot more to say about how the various people in Wilbur’s life influenced him to become the person he died as - Dream, Technoblade, Tommy and the rest of the citizens of L’Manburg, and of course Phil and Schlatt. There’s a lot more to say about the SBI family and how they damaged each other. But anon, I have written you an essay today, so I think I’ll save that for now. I need to let my thoughts percolate a little more anyway :P

If you want more of my thoughts on Wilbur you should check out that post I linked at the top about how Ghostbur is dealing with his loss and trauma!! And please, please feel free to ask me more things, because this ask helped me articulate a lot of things I’ve been thinking about Wilbur and his arc :D

#wilbur soot #dream smp #meta #my meta #my writing #ask #anon #talk #THANK YOU for this ask anon you made my whole afternoon #Wilbur has got to be my favorite character on the SMP right now next to Dream #I really want to make that post about the SBI because my thoughts about Phil's family have been going so many places recently #Anonymous #askbox

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fantastic-rambles · 3 years

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Hi! I see that you appreciate ADAM’s characterization, so I wanted to talk to you about my theories for how the series could end for him if that’s okay.

Obviously there’s the semi-dropped plot line around him going to jail for political reasons. Tbh I hope that they’ll just bring that up at the very end of the tournament/ep 12 so that it doesn’t have much bearing on the characters developments until then.

My best scenario, is that Reki does skate against ADAM because he’s surpassed his own fears to have fun. Like the first time where he wasn’t afraid to lose because it was more about trying.

But now that Renga has reunited, the tournament isn’t nearly as exciting for ADAM because the friend group is over his antics and Langa doesn’t particularly care about him anymore. (I totally think Reki represents the Apple in all of this biblical reference stuff. Wisdom that love and fun cannot be gained simply by being the best or being dangerous when skating. Especially since Tadashi [SNAKE] is literally bringing him into the Eden tournament)

That would leave Langa and Tadashi. I honestly think that if a fair match between them goes on without any interruptions, SNAKE can win. Then with the final matchup between Tadashi and Ainosuke, it can go 2 ways.

1. Tadashi tries to take ADAM down. He fails or succeeds solely on technique. Either way probably ends in a dramatic end to S.

2. Tadashi also recognizes the value of love and fun that he has rejected/suppressed all these years. He is able to better understand the root of ADAM’s searching for an Eve (filling Tadashi’s void) and why Ainosuke is so hurt by him/angry at him (Tadashi pulling away from their relationship). Reki planted the seed in the love hotel, and if Tadashi accepts it, his participation becomes more about embracing love that was squashed years ago when he prioritized Ainosuke’s image over their relationship. Tadashi sees his value outside of his class standing as a person and companion. He stands up for Ainosuke instead of against him, and they can skate/move forward together.

I think that the 2nd option is far more interesting and gratifying. Especially since it’s more likely to lead to ADAM recognizing the flaws in his way and turning towards redemption/help by the end of the season. It would also be a really good ending to their arcs together since I really think that they’ve been set up as a queer allegory. I’ve read super interesting analyses on Twitter that show their character choices as being two different ways of coping with being closeted. Ainosuke lusting dangerously after those he doesn’t really care about and acting out violently against those who love him. Distracting himself the feelings he is not allowed to deal with in daylight. And Tadashi repressing his feeelings for the sake of the man most important to him. To have a hopeful/positive conclusion to their struggles as a central plot line would be nice.

Also don’t feel pressured to answer this. I’m just obsessed with their stories and a sucker for first loves + requited mutual unrequited pining lol

Heyyyy fellow non-Adam-hater!

I do think that Reki will end up skating against Adam (though I currently can’t imagine why he would possibly agree to do so--the best guess I have is Tadashi asking him to based on the argument of “skating should be fun” and that Adam isn’t having fun), getting fucked with since Adam wants to prove to Langa that he’s better than Reki (because Adam doesn’t understand that “love” doesn’t work that way, since his “love” is all about finding someone who can skate on his level), and losing, but without getting depressed (and possibly injured) like before.

I know there’s a huge fandom wish that Tadashi will train Reki and Reki will beat Adam, but... if the producers are going to be somewhat “realistic,” that’s not going to happen. It’s been firmly established that Reki isn’t on the level of the top skaters (both his own realization and his talk with his manager), and a sudden crash course in a day or two isn’t going to change that.

But I do think that Adam will still have fun during the tournament since he’s wildly delusional and thinks that he can win Langa’s “love,” and for the longest time, it did appear that way (“love” in terms of thinking of it as looking for/finding a skating equal, not “love” as in love), with how eager/excited Langa was to skate against him, to the extent that it even fractured his relationship with Reki (though I blame Reki more for that).

I feel like the Langa/Tadashi match is more of a tossup. I’d like Tadashi to win, but I believe that Langa will (unless he gets outraged by Reki’s treatment and forfeits/abandons the race--tasting the forbidden fruit and leaving Eden). If it was a straight skating race, then, yeah, Tadashi would win, but I think that Langa’s spontaneous improvisations will turn it in his favor even though he lacks Tadashi’s level of skill. I mean, he can cut across half the course by going off the cliff at high speed, so..... *laughs*

If it did come down to Adam/Tadashi, though, I feel like Adam wouldn’t be motivated, just like when he was racing Cherry. He wouldn’t do rough play or hit Tadashi in the face with his skateboard because they wouldn’t work on Tadashi, and he would be trying to win since winning races is how he proves that he loves skating more than anyone else (and also because if he loses, he has to quit skating). But I don’t think he’d enjoy it. I would love for them to have a reconciliation and for Tadashi to become Adam’s “Eve,” but I feel like that bridge has been well and truly burnt by years of misunderstandings/resentment (resentment from Adam to Tadashi, but not the other way around). I don’t see how a realistic full reconciliation can be made in one episode (though the groundwork for a reconciliation could possibly be laid). :(

The queer allegory is really interesting and definitely fits. Especially since Adam has been raised to always consider his appearance and how it’ll affect his family, and physically abused when he doesn’t meet expectations. And then he also admits that the only time he’s free is when he’s skating, which is when he’s openly proclaiming his love for just about everyone, lol.

Though if Reki is the apple/forbidden fruit (which I do agree), I think that means that Reki is the one who’s going to spark a change in Adam, not Tadashi. By not giving up and still having fun even when he’s losing or being thrown around by a violent psychopath, it could remind Adam of when he was younger, when he was skating with Tadashi and just having fun (or possibly serve as a parallel to when he got his board burned). If it does turn out that way, then I can see a path for Tadashi being his final opponent to bring both of them back to that time. Though I still feel like the final race will end up being Adam/Langa since that’s what the show has been driving towards ever since their first race was interrupted.

Adam’s arrest will definitely come at the end of the show, though. I don’t see the producers leaving the main plot line without a conclusion before they tie up the subplot which has basically only appeared once, lol.

So yeah, I absolutely realize I’m being self-contradictory in this post, but that’s why I’m fantastic-rambles. I just spew whatever bs and random thoughts come to my mind. xD

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #skate the infinity #sk8 adam #shindo ainosuke #ainosuke shindo #sk8 snake #kikuchi tadashi #tadashi kikuchi #sk8 snow #sk8 langa #hasegawa langa #langa hasegawa #sk8 reki #kyan reki #reki kyan #analysis #long post #mine

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healthylivingwithjess · 3 months

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Everything you need to know about healthy eating. (Well not everything but some helpful tips)

Everything you need to know about healthy eating.

(Well not everything but some helpful tips)

Protein, who doesn't love protein. It is an essential building block for muscle, the most filling macro out of the three, and is found in some of the best foods like chipotle’s chicken or yogurt (I love a good yogurt bowl with granola)! Now let's talk about carbs. “Carbohydrates provide the body with glucose, which is converted to energy used to support bodily functions and physical activity” (Harvard School of Public Health, 2019). Have you ever heard of people eating rice cakes or a granola bar before a workout? That is because carbs give you the fastest energy out of all the macros. After learning this I planned my carbs around times I would need the most energy; like before practice or a weightlifting session. And lastly, let's talk about fats. I was scared of fats for the longest time. I thought because of the name they would make me, you know, fat. But then I learned how critical they are for hormone health. As I increased my fats, I noticed my mood was so much better, I didn't have as much acne, and I was able to sleep straight through the night.

Sources

The 80 20 rule eat healthy and have your cake too. Virtua. (n.d.). https://www.virtua.org/articles/the-80-20-rule-eat-healthy-and-have-your-cake-too#:~:text =But%20following%20the%2080%2F20,healthy%20at%20the%20same%20time.

Carbohydrates. The Nutrition Source. (2019, May 22). https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/carbohydrates/#:~:text=The%20most%20co mmon%20and%20abundant,bodily%20functions%20and%20physical%20activity.

Elizabeth Shaw, M. S. (2024, January 6). What is the 80/20 diet-and is it healthy?. EatingWell. https://www.eatingwell.com/what-is-the-80-20-diet-is-it-healthy-8417695

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