#and then a regular emotional state over top of that

[seafoam-taide]

actually i think ive unlocked a shrimp emotion. my brain is collapsing

#tide of consciousness #whaaat the fuuuck is happeninggg #what ishappengingggg #what are #wjy #why is #awhtffs #im like. constantly on the verge of tears. but also while on the verge of tears i am experiencing differing emotions in response to stimulus #but also. im like. completely numb #but also angry #like all of those overlapping #and then a regular emotional state over top of that #but then also like. regular emotional state but if you flipped it around and amplified it. ON TOP OF ALL THAT. #shrimp emotions never before seen. get out of my head

[lovelybucky1]

Join Me (Darth Vader x Reader)

warnings: dark themes, gender neutral! reader, unburnt vader (still wears the suit), violence, weapons, mentions of death, corruption, manipulation, sexual tension, 18+ minors dni

masterlist

This is humiliating. A Jedi, a warrior of your status, should not be sprawled across the floor in front of your sworn enemy. The two stormtroopers that brought you to Darth Vader’s chamber stand above you, looking down at where you landed when they threw you. You’re not sure how Vader’s forces managed to capture you so quickly. You have a feeling your fate will be similar to those of the remaining Jedi that have attempted to face Lord Vader: a cruel and brutal death.

Nevertheless, you lay on your stomach, hands cuffed with force-blocking bonds behind your back, and your legs rest uselessly behind you. You strain your neck to keep your head up, not wanting to give your captors to see you in such a state of defeat.

The Dark Lord looms over you from this high-backed throne. The room is dark with a fully black interior, but somehow his suit stands out from the void that seemingly engulfs you.

“Leave us,” Vader commands the storm troopers, his modulated voice bone chilling in the otherwise silent room. The stormtroopers turn and walk out of the chamber, their boots clicking loudly on the smooth tile floor.

As soon as you heard the heavy doors shut, the reality of your situation set in. You’re alone without a weapon or the use of the force with the most brutal Sith lord in the galaxy. You were helpless, and the only thing you can do is pray Vader will be merciful and kill you quickly.

“Your thoughts are loud, Jedi,” he says, sitting motionless on his throne.

You stare back into the black voids of his helmet’s eyes. You know the mask must be to hide some hideous deformity, but even the slightest bit of expression in the dark lord’s face would bring you some comfort.

You refuse to speak to him, but it clearly doesn’t matter since he can hear your thoughts, despite you trying to keep your walls up.

“I can feel your fear.”

Your brows furrow as you continue to look up at him from your position on the ground. You don’t mean to make your fear so obvious, but you can’t help it. You’re at the mercy of a monster who has killed many of your fellow Jedi, wiped out planets, and has disrupted peace in the entire galaxy.

“But it is not just fear, is it, Jedi?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” you spit without thinking, immediately regretting your choice of words.

“Hatred,” he says plainly.

This time you stay silent. You don’t feel hatred. Are you angry with Darth Vader for ruining the lives of you and your friends? Yes. Are you angry at the empire for oppressing beings across the galaxy? Of course. Do you resent this war and wish you could live a regular life? Sure, everyone does. Do you wish the Jedi order wasn’t so restrictive? Occasionally. But none of what you feel is hate.

“You’re wrong,” you hiss.

“You don’t hate me?” Vader has the audacity to ask.

“Hate is not the Jedi way,” you respond.

Silently, Vader rises from his throne and descends the stairs. His black boots echo throughout the chamber as Vader approaches you. The feeling of dread grows even colder in your stomach, and you begin to shake as he nears.

Vader stops an arm’s length in front of you, and from your position, all you can see is the top of his heavy boots and the thick material of his pants. Outside of your vision, Vader reaches for you. He bends to bury his gloved hand in your hair and tugs, pulling you up from the ground. You yelp at the grip on your hair, and you scramble to get your knees underneath you to take some of the tension off of your scalp.

Now you kneel before Darth Vader, and he has just proved that it requires little effort to move you. You look up at him with newfound anger that stems from the humiliation of being manhandled. Your eyes are glassy with tears, not from emotion, but as an involuntary response from the pulling of your hair.

“Cowardice is not the Jedi way, either,” Vader says.

His hand is still tight in your hair, though there is much less pain. You shake your head, trying to get him to let go, but his hold is unwavering.

“I’m not a coward,” you hiss. You wish you could access the force; you would throw this sick bastard across the room and- no, that’s not the Jedi way.

“Yet you tremble before me.”

You narrow your eyes as you look at him, feeling intimidated by the lack of emotion but you keep your gaze steady.

“I don’t hate, Vader.”

The dark helmet tilts to the side, just barely. That is the only sign of emotion, of life, that he has given this whole time.

“No?” he asks. “Even after everyone you hold dear perished at the hands of my army? Can your heart remain pure after suffering so much loss? Pain leads to anger, and anger leads to hate. I feel more pain in you than any of your fellow soldiers combined.”

You wish desperately that you were able to grasp the force to block Vader from your mind, but without it, every aspect of your mind is exposed to him.

“There’s no part of you that wants revenge? To kill me after you heard the symphony of your fellow younglings screaming? To destroy the empire for all of the pain it’s brought you?”

Fresh tears now stream down your face, this time from the painful memories Vader is forcing you to relive. You want to break free from these cuffs, you want to fight back, but you’re trapped. You do the only thing you can think to do to show your defiance, even as you weep on your knees. You tilt your chin up as much as you can and spit, landing it on the cheek of Vader’s helmet.

It feels as if time froze as soon as the wad of spit made contact. Vader stood completely still, not even breathing for unnaturally long, as you were forced to stay just as still as he was.

Slowly, Vader reaches up with his free hand and grasps the underside of his helmet. Your spit has run down the front of the mask and his gloves glisten as he pushes up the helmet. Vader slowly reveals the face underneath, and to your surprise, he is not hideous. In fact, he’s handsome.

Behind the emotionless helmet, Vader is a young man with chestnut hair, smooth skin save for a scar over his eye, and piercing bronze eyes. Your breath catches in your throat as you look at the Sith lord, suddenly feeling conflicting emotions as the face of evil was just humanized.

Vader drops his helmet on the tile floor next to you, and the loud bang echoes through the chamber, making you flinch.

“You’re surprised,” Vader says, now in a non-altered voice. His voice is smooth, completely unlike his deep, robotic voice you knew.

“This is not what I was expecting,” you say, voice sounding weak to your own ears.

“My appearance?” he asks.

“Your mercy.”

Vader raises his eyebrows. “You will not get mercy from me.”

“You haven’t killed me yet,” you respond.

You’re not sure why you’re speaking to him this way. He is the same man who killed millions, some of those your brothers in arms, and many more innocent lives. He is the same ruthless, evil monster as he was with the mask on, yet he seems much less intimidating like this.

“I have no use for a Jedi corpse. I want you alive.”

Your brows furrow as you look up at him, tears slowly stopping.

“Alive for what?”

“You have great power, little one,” he says, gaze intense.

Vader releases his grip on your hair, but remains close. The features of his suit feel out of place without the helmet. The control panel lead you to believe he was more machine than man, but from what you can see, Vader is just as human as you are.

“I was like you once,” Vader says, speaking again after your lack of response.

“We are nothing alike,” you bite.

“Ambitious, emotional, powerful… All things the Jedi order attempts to train out of their young, but a certain few, like you and I, knew better. You didn’t let them crush your spirit and turn you into a docile, supposed peacekeeper like the rest of them.”

Vader started off calm, but as he continued denouncing the Jedi teachings, his tone became more bitter and resentful.

“I have no complaints about my teachings,” you say, lifting your chin in defiance.

“You never had thoughts that your master told you were inappropriate? Things that felt perfectly natural, but somehow were wrong?” This time, Vader’s question is not rhetorical.

“I mean… I guess.”

“And weren’t you just a little bit angry that your feelings were dismissed so quickly without even an ounce of explanation as to why?”

“Because emotions and attachments aren’t the Jedi way.”

“But you were a child. No child can put aside their emotions for some ‘greater good’ that they have never seen nor could begin to understand.”

Vader pauses his sermon to crouch down, now meeting you at your eye level. His gaze is heavy, and you don’t want to show weakness by looking away, but you find it difficult to hold his eyes.

“I lived a life of pain, just as you have. I was born a slave, and only freed to be taken in by the Jedi, where my bonds were even tighter. I led thousands of men to their death in an unwinnable war, my mother was murdered by savage creatures, and my only love died as a result of the Jedi’s foolish restrictions.”

You swallow the thick lump in your throat so you can attempt to speak. Vader being vulnerable with you like this makes you feel uncomfortable, like you need to jump up and run as far as possible. He is a monster, not a grieving man. He’s not like you.

“You’re tired of hurting, aren’t you?” he asks.

You don’t want to respond, you don’t want to give him what he desires, but you can’t help yourself. The pain is suffocating and you desperately wish to escape it.

“Yes,” you confess breathily.

Vader looks at you for a moment. He doesn’t smile thankfully, because you would find that even more unnerving. No, he looks at you with pity like you’re a hurt animal.

“I can make your pain go away.” You perk up at that. You know he must be lying, the Sith are known for their silver tongues that tell you exactly what you want to hear, but the idea of a life free from suffering intrigues you. “I can help you access great power that will rid you of anguish.”

Vader shifts so he is kneeling in front of you, mirroring your position save for the cuffs holding your hands. He places his gloved hands on your shoulders and holds them tightly. You lean into the strong, warm touch, feeling conflicted as you regard his offer.

“I was like you once, little one. Broken, scared, forced into weakness by the Jedi. But then I was shown a new path; one of great power and purpose. Now I hurt no more.”

This all feels too good to be true. You want to believe what Vader says is true, that he can take away your pain and make you as powerful as you have always wanted to be, but your master’s voice rings in the back of your mind. Don’t give into temptation. The Sith lie, manipulate, and go to great lengths to corrupt the light. Evil is stronger than good, but great power leads you down a path of destruction.

“I will not hear these lies any longer, Vader,” you say, finally regaining your compassion.

Vader blinks for a moment, seemingly surprised at your change of tone.

“I tell nothing but the truth. I can save you.”

“I am loyal to the Jedi order.”

Vader sighs, jaw tensing, and he rises to his feet, again looming over you.

“I was being merciful as you requested, and gave you some semblance of a choice, but you will join me.”

“I would rather die than join you!” you yell.

Vader’s chin tilts just slightly. He uses the force to bring the remote that controls your cuffs to him, then unlocks them. You look up at him, confused and hesitant when your bonds fall away.

“You would die for your precious order?” he asks.

“Without question,” you say firmly as you rise to your feet, kicking the cuffs aside.

Vader reaches down to his hip and pushes his cape back, revealing two lightsabers. One is yours, and the other must be his. He tosses your lightsaber to you and you catch it with ease, immediately activating the blade and holding it between you and the Sith lord.

He activates his own lightsaber, the red blade illuminating his face and mixing with the blue of yours, casting a mix of purple light through the dark room.

“What are you waiting for, Jedi?” he asks.

Without further hesitations, you run towards Vader and swing your lightsaber at his torso, but he blocks it with ease. You take a few more swings, each from different angles, but they all are deflected. Surprisingly, Vader does not take any offensive maneuvers and only blocks each of your attacks. You move forward and slowly back Vader against the wall, almost cornering him, and you find yourself growing increasingly frustrated with his lack of engagement in the battle.

“Fight back, you coward!” you yell as you being your saber slashing down.

“Is that truly what you want?” Vader asks, pushing against your lightsaber with his.

“Unlike you,” you grunt, “I don’t take pleasure in an opponent who does not attempt to fight.”

There is a ghost of a smirk on Vader’s lips as he pushes you off of him with his saber. You stumble back, but quickly regain your footing and advance on him again. This time, however, Vader attacks. A whirlwind of red light swings around your head, and you instinctively block his attempted jab.

Vader’s fighting style is fast, acrobatic, and unlike anything you’ve faced in training or battle. His slices come quick, and combined with the distractions of his jumps and spins, it makes it difficult to battle him.

You swing your saber at his neck, but he ducks his head just in time to dodge getting his head cut off. While Vader is low to the ground, he sweeps his saber at your ankles, but you managed to jump, kicking him in the shoulder in the process.

He stumbles back and fails to catch himself. He sits on the ground, legs sprawled in front of him as you run towards him. He is surprisingly skilled at fight from the ground, but he doesn’t expect a kick to the hand instead of a stab with your saber. His lightsaber falls from his hand and clatters across the floor. Before he could get to it, you pick it up.

Now with two sabers and a defenseless Vader, you have the upper hand. He moves to stand, but you trap his head between crossed blades while he’s on his knees. You pause, staring down at the Sith lord as your chest heaves with exertion. Vader does not look afraid, nor angry. He looks pleased.

“You want to kill me,” Vader speaks, showing no signs of the battle that just occurred.

“I sure would like to,” you say between panting breaths.

“Then do it.” You’re shocked. You have the most feared man in the galaxy on his knees in a compromising position, and he’s telling you to kill him. “Kill me, Jedi. I feel your anger, your pain, your hatred. Succumb to your desires; kill me and free the galaxy.”

Your hand twitch. You want to kill Vader, but you cannot bring yourself to do it. You’re frozen in place, paralyzed by the morality that was ingrained into you as a child.

“Kill me!” Vader shouts.

You don’t notice that you’re crying until hot tears drip down amd absorb into the front of your robe. You hate that you’re showing such weakness in front of Vader, but you can’t help yourself.

“You’re weak,” Vader says as he rises to his feet, unfazed by the weapons at his neck. “You’re a coward. A pathetic excuse for a soldier.”

Vader wrenches both sabers out of your hands and throws yours across the room. He stalks towards you, lightsaber at his side while he insults you. You walk backwards as he comes closer, not wanting to let him near to kill you.

“You didn’t even have the strength to do what you knew needed to be done. You could have saved the galaxy, but you were too scared to take a life,” Vader seeths.

You take another step back, but instead of your foot landing on the tile, you trip on Vader’s discarded helmet, rolling your ankle and falling to the floor. You cry out in pain and attempt to get up, but you cannot find the strength as Vader steps closer.

His boot kicks his helmet out of the way with a loud bang what makes you whimper in fear. Your palms scrabble against the floor to slide back, making you look even more pathetic than you surely already do. To your horror, directly behind you is the chamber wall. You have no where to go, no weapon, barely any strength, and Vader has the high ground.

“Look at you, helpless little Jedi,” Vader muses. “Why don’t you call on the force to help you? Or is it not strong enough to beat me?”

Your blood feels ice cold in your veins as Vader stares down at you. You know you should attempt to fight, to die honorary, but you don’t want to suffer.

“Just kill me,” you choke out.

“I told you, I have no use for your corpse. You will join me.”

“I won’t,” you say, voice weak.

With an aggravated grunt, Vader throws his lightsaber across the room, then grips the collar of your robe with both hands to haul you to your feet. He presses your back against the wall and you flinch, preparing for him to hit you. Instead, he places both palms on either side of your head. For a moment, nothing happens. You are just about to aks him what he’s doing to you when you’re hit with a flood of euphoria.

A hot, almost burning sensation fills your body and warms the ice in your veins. Your limbs go limp and you would have collapsed to the floor if Vader wasn’t holding you. A small moan leaves your lips as you feel a sense of newfound strength in your body, something that you have never felt in all of your years training with the force.

“What-” you trail off, finding it difficult to construct a sentence in this state.

“Do you feel the power, little one?” Vader says, voice low since he is so close.

“Yes,” you gasp.

“All of this could be yours. You could feel this all the time. You will never hurt again.”

You want it. This pleasure, this fullness, this contentment you haven’t felt since you were young. In this moment, all reason escapes you as you bask in the warms that Vader is providing.

Then, in a flash, everything is cold once again. Vader lets go of you and you side down the wall in a crumple. You whimper as you try to move, but you’re weak and tired once again.

“Please,” you croak, looking up at Vader.

“That’s the power of the dark side. Too bad you’re too devoted to your code to reach your full potential,” Vader says before turning on his toe, cape swishing through the air as he walks away from you.

You can’t let him leave. You had a taste of what you’ve always wanted and you can’t deny it any longer. You want to be powerful, free, and maybe for the first time in a long time, happy.

“Wait!” Vader pauses mid-step but does not turn to face you. “I… I want it.”

Anxiety builds inside you as Vader remains motionless. Just as you’re about to plead with him, he turns around.

“What do you want?”

“Power,” you whisper like it’s a shameful secret.

Vader begins to walk towards you, the same stalking action, yet you feel less scared this time.

“Will you abandon your affilation with the Jedi?” he asks.

You hesitate to answer. You know it’s wrong, you took a vow, but you had spent your life doing selfless acts. Maybe it’s time to be selfish for once.

“Yes.”

Vader grins. It’s not a kind smile, far from it. It’s sharp, predatory, and makes your skin crawl.

“You shall be my apprentice,” Vader says, extending a hand to help you from the ground. When you reach your feet, Vader holds you close by your waist. It’s almost intimate, the distance between your faces, but you feel as if it’s more of a display of dominance than anything. “I will train you to use the dark side, and I’ll help you break all of those habits the Jedi ingrained in you.”

“I want to feel it again,” you confess.

“And you will, little one, in due time. I can only give you so much; it is your duty to harness it yourself.”

You sigh and nod your head. “I understand… master.”

It feels foreign in your mouth, to call someone else, a Sith lord, master, but the word makes Vader grin again.

“The dark side will give you great strength. It may be frightening at first, to unlock your full potential, but I guarantee you will become just as powerful as I. Together, we will rule the galaxy.”

Your heart skips at that. Thinking that the entire galaxy would be yours to do what you please with, the power that would come with that. It was every shameful dream come true.

“I vow to follow you, Master Vader. I want to learn to be as powerful as you.”

Vader’s grip on your waist tightens and he tugs you just a bit closer. Your chest is pressed against the hard, cold metal of the panel on his chest, and you feel so small in his embrace.

“Why don’t we start with our first lesson,” Vader suggests.

“What is it?” you ask curiously, eager to get even a taste of that heat once again.

“I want you to learn to indulge in all of those desires you have spent your life denying,” he says, voice low and gravely. You furrow your brows, confused. “I sense your lust, little one. I do not think it shameful; Sith must access their passion.”

You nod in understanding, but remain still, uncertain what to do.

“Allow me to show you,” Vader says.

His hands press your body against his and he leans his head down. His eyes are closed and his lips move to cover yours. You whimper in surprise, but you allow yourself to stay pliant. He kisses you, gently at first, but it quickly turns heated. His tongue presses against the seam of your lips and you part them to allow him access. He devours you, kissing you like he’s claiming you as his own and in a way, he is.

You two finally part after what feels like an eternity. You’re breathless, but Vader seams unfazed, except for his eyes, which are more black than amber now. His lips shine with spit, and you’re certain yours look the same.

“I sense great potential in you, my apprentice,” Vader says with a sharp grin.

In the back of your mind, you’re ashamed that you succumbed to the dark, allowed yourself to be corrupted. But at the same time, Lord Vader can show you things you weren’t even permitted to dream of with the Jedi.

“Thank you, Master. I will not disappoint you.”

And with that, your fate was sealed. A former Jedi turned apprentice to the face of evil in the galaxy.

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#star wars #anakin skywalker #darth vader #anakin #anakin skywalker x reader #darth vader x reader #anakin skywalker fanfic #darth vader fanfic #anakin skywalker fanfiction #darth vader fanfiction #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #darth vader x you #darth vader x y/n #star wars fanfic #star wars fanfiction #star wars prequels #star wars x you #star wars x reader

[anika-ann]

Back and Forth - part 6.1

Part 6 - Back-Up 1/2

Type: series; agent!reader, inhuman!reader

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader    Word Count: 7500

Chapter summary:  In which the rescue party arrives for you and Steve... and Steve reflects back to the time in captivity. With you.

Series masterlist

Warnings: mentions of sensory overload, mentions of mental health issues, canon-typical violence, blood, violent thoughts, mentions of death, mentions of pain and unhealthy relationship to pain, mentions of chronic pan and chronic illness, questionable medical procedures, feels, language

A/N: ALWAYS MIND THE WARNINGS; dividers by @firefly-graphics 💕; moodboard is for the vibes and does not necessarily reflect reader’s appearance

A/N2: To the surprise of no one but me, we're getting anotehr two-part chapter. Ah well.... we get Steve's POV in return! Enjoy ✨

Being overwhelmed was far from a foreign state to Steve Rogers.

In fact, given his history, he would have thought he had seen it nearly all – and not only seen.

Earning enhanced senses, after having lived for over two decades with his sight and hearing impaired due to a long list of illnesses, equalled sudden sharp clarity and cacophony of overwhelming noise of all colours, tastes and smells. As welcomed as the change had been, since his body was finally widely regarded as useful enough, the transformation came as a package deal with an occasional sensory overload even after all the years he had had to adjust.

Enhanced memory, too, came with a price; with a crushing amount of detail laced into heart-warming memories as well the terrifying and painful ones, trapping him in his mind at times, during daylight as much as during night-time when he had less control over his own thoughts.

Assuming the title and mantle of Captain America, be in the past century or in the new millennium, was tied to a whole another source of overload, both mental and physical.

So truly, Steve was rather used to being overwhelmed in various senses of the word, handling it better at certain times and worse at others.

And yet – the past few hours were overwhelming in an entirely new sense, indescribable and as corporal as intangible.

Perhaps it was you.

Perhaps it was him being back to a regular human, even if not quite.

Perhaps it was becoming part Inhuman.

Perhaps it was everything hitting him at once on whole new scale he was not used to.

His brain was in a hazy overdrive by now; a strange fog and clarity, thoughts crawling in and dragging painfully and at lightning speed at once. Onslaught of emotions. Body drained from fighting a non-existent gunshot wound as well as a real one, still processing what he had experienced – and what he had learned.

Steve tried to push it all away and think hard how to help instead,despite your agonized scream still echoing in his ears pilling misery on top of his own – but spite could only get him so far.

The rollercoaster of the past hours was taking a true toll on him; and it was almost ironic that while his body had partially regressed to one of a regular human, it was the emotional and mental load that seemed to drain him hundred times more severely than the physical exertion – and overwhelmingly indeed.

Steve wasn’t one to cut himself some slack often, but perhaps he deserved it this time. And perhaps he would grant himself the luxury – once this endless, horrible experience only fool might call an adventure was over.

Seconds had felt like hours. Hours had felt like days. And every soul on Earth had better believe that Steve had been counting, trying to scramble for any resemblance of control, even as he had none.

Counting seconds, in thousands, hoping you hadn’t been taken too; then, that if you had been taken, that you were close to him somewhere. Then, praying that you were at least still alive, anywhere.

Yet, to have his second and third wish fulfilled brought no real joy and only a speckle of relief, because he had been taking stock; and while he knew you were nearby, he had no idea where you two actually were.

What he had known for quite a while was that something was wrong. He had known the moment when he first woken up, tied and chained – but that wasn’t exactly a new, let alone useful piece of information.

Helplessness and uncharacteristic weakness were everything but a good feeling too. Those didn’t look on anyone; but for a man of his past, feeling like having regressed to the weak body he used to own – and to have that happen in the least convenient moment possible, in the moment where he needed to be stronger than ever – forged the heaviest chain of all. One wrapped around his neck and tightening with every second ticking off.

And the crushing waves of emotion wouldn’t cease coming. Not to you; clearly, understandably.

And most definitely not to him.

Your panicked frustrated voice when you couldn’t project, cutting right through anger and frustration he himself felt but for entirely different reasons. A creeping suspicion he didn't dare to speak of, even as ‘impossible’ was a word Steve barely bothered to keep in his vernacular these days.

Then, your shared shock when the impossible turned out to be true; the briefest feeling of belonging and connection. He gripped onto that and used that to stomp on his doubts, anger and fears – because he had to. For your benefit. For the benefit of you both.

He slipped into the role of a leader because you deserved that.

You needed reassurance and guidance so you could rediscover that incredibly brave and capable person he knew; only to have the rug pulled right under your feet as soon as you found your footing, sending you literally to the ground – and sending Steve down a rapid spiral of chocking panic when he heard not one but two gunshots from your cell.

A heavy thud.

Complete, terrifying silence, interrupted only by his own deafeningly pounding heart before he managed to find his voice at least to defend you with words.

If there was anything to defend still.

The confident leader façade he had put on despite feeling lost cracked like an empty eggshell. A suffocating weight found seat on his chest instead, rage smouldering. His own thundering shouts contrasted starkly to the silent promise he made, to whoever was able to listen – that if Hydra had---  if you were-- he'd tear them apart with his bare fucking hands and it didn’t matter he couldn’t do that now, even if the fire in his veins burned all the hotter for that. He couldn’t do a single damn thing; trapped like a pathetic little human quivering and jerking his body in laughable attempt to free himself from bounds some cruel god had trapped him in.

He barely felt the jolt of sharp pain aside from the initial tug, as something in his shoulder snapped along with one of the many chains, but he did feel a stab of that pain with every other yank, exhausting and fuelling him at once.

You still made no sound; no scream, no whimper, nothing to latch his hopes onto. Had he had the capacity, he would blame the burning of tears in his eyes on the physical pain as not to let Hydra see he cared.

But he was beyond that. That was the damn least important of his problems at the moment. You were at the forefront and if he had thought seconds had felt like hours before, they felt like days at that moment.

And you were still silent.

Steve way beyond caring what information regarding his rather complicated relationship to you he’d give away. But he wasn’t above begging. Not when it was his responsibility to protect. To save. Not when it was you. Not when he hadn’t even had the chance to-

Please.

Please.

The suffocating relief at hearing your voice diluted his panic a fraction, but only accentuated the utter helplessness of his position; his hands literally tied, while you were stuck hanging with your life on a thread and having to help yourself, just so you wouldn’t bleed out in a cell right next to him.

God, the love and hate he had for your spite, for all the fight left in you, even if directed against him as you verbally snapped back. Fuck, so be it, he thought, even as his voice didn’t listen to him at all, barking orders he had wished he could have executed himself. So be it, just hold onto that fight in you.

And then, the most heartbreaking crack in your voice when you begged him.

Begged him not to make you do what you had to in order to survive.

You couldn’t have had the slightest clue about the firm grip you took on his heart that moment, how hard you squeezed and how violently you tugged – and it wasn't important. Nor was Steve’s acute need to grab you, hold you tight and somehow save you, sweep you away, to do the impossible task for you, to take away even the littlest fraction of your burden, somehow.

Projecting to you, as surreal as it was, was ironically the first thing that felt right in the past hours; even as the image of you, frail despite having just proven immense strength, was all kinds of wrong.

Steve hated fighting with you but seeing you there in a pool of blood, he would have taken hundreds of fights. It was almost funny that you hadn’t fought him about going to the gala, only protested in front of Tony – because Steve would love to take on that fight now, travel back in time and for all the sweet moments of holding you and talking to you, he'd let you win that fight and would have never gone to that damn place. Not if this was the outcome. The gorgeous image you had been only few hours prior kept flickering in Steve’s mind like a firefly teasing him to follow, to try to catch it, only for its light to die out and show dark crimson soaking the remnants of your dress instead.

The reason for trying his hardest to be soft when he treated you wasn’t guilt, even as he knew that this, all this wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for him and it laid heavy on his conscience.

He'd treat you with utmost care possible in the conditions anyway; but his conscience made for his shaky hands. His conscience and the sight of you so ashen, a ghost of the stunning woman he had shared a dance with, the stubborn brave woman he worked with. He hoped his damnest that you didn't notice the tremble: he couldn’t afford that. You needed his support. You needed a rock to lean your weight onto even as he felt like a pebble that would fall apart to sand if someone squeezed it in their palm.

And he was so damn proud of what you had accomplished – proud and relieved – his respect for you growing tenfold. Grateful when you brushed over the slip of his tongue, smiling even, showing your humour even when he had let the endearments slip from his lips.

The tug on his heart at that was gentler this time, but no less insistent. The sheer trust in your eyes, the careful nuzzle into his touch when he crossed ever boundary possible because he needed to touch you, was a balm to his soul and acid at once, because maybe this was the only moment he’d get to touch you like this. Maybe that effort was fruitless and you two wouldn’t make it out. Maybe you would, but you’d quit, rushing back to Coulson’s team. Maybe you’d stay, but the wall that seemed to always be between you, preventing you from understanding each other, from listening, from growing closer, would only grow higher.

And yet; Steve revelled at the brief sensations, because he viscerally needed to feel that you were still there, not slipping away.

And then you did.

And so did he, the gaping hole in his chest burning and suffocating even as his flesh seemed unharmed, even if within seconds, his arm wasn't.

Bewilderment. Pain. And then that goddamn hope that this was just him – this was him feeling the pain, a little extra revenge from the artifact that had switched your powers for the effects of his serum. The faint hope slowly cracking as his mind filled with images of you wincing, hunching, grimacing in moments when you had probably thought no one was looking, barely visible but always there after having been hurt in your spectral form.

Then, all worry and wondering briefly forgotten as he preened, bewildered all over again but no less pleased of how high you regarded him, much higher than he deserved and certainly higher than he had ever thought. The threads of connection to you he had felt before solidifying and hardening in a difficult moment.

Understanding, a warm one – and then another, ice cold, turning below freezing. Your barely audible voice responding to questions charged with emotions Steve could barely contain with a battle raging within him. Because you had kept a painful secret. More than one.

Not where I come from.

Determination.

Admiration.

Compassion and affectionate sense of belonging, born anew; the understanding of one achy heart of another.

A promise he wasn’t sure he'd be able to keep when they barged into his cell and yours – and made him slip back into desperation and rage and self-hatred for his inability to project again and protect at least if not save. Steve hated himself for the swirl of pride in his chest when you refused to give up, trying to stall, to make them talk... until you couldn’t be brave anymore. Until you were begging him to stop trying to help, scared for yourself no doubt; but the fear for him, the stubborn conviction that it was your duty to protect the paradigm of perfection and virtue with speckless of recklessness and stubbornness you apparently thought he was, dripped from your quiet breathy voice.

A breathless I'm sorry, Steve, tearing a fresh gaping hole of panic in Steve’s stomach at the resignation in your voice speaking so painstakingly clearly of how you thought these were your final words to him.

“I’m sorry, Steve.”

Fuck everything.

Not in this damn life, not on his damn watch.

Steve squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to goddamn at least try to block the pulsing pain and project again, heedless of your request, not caring if it tempted the Hydra agents in his cell to shoot him again – because there no universe in which he'd just stare into Hydra’s face and listened to your end and did nothing.

And then, at least, overwhelming relief flooding his veins; faster than his actual thoughts, since he was at his wits end.

The realization that it wasabout to be over was dull and intense, sudden as much as unexpected.

He registered the ground shaking under his feet barely seconds before two Avengers blasted through the door of his cell, only having just connected the dots as to what a sudden earthquake could mean besides a movement of tectonic plates.

Agent Daisy Johnson. Quake. The Inhuman with ability to feel and control vibrations, natural frequency of particles in every living and non-living thing. It flashed through Steve mind like a lightning; he hoped she’d quake Hydra agents’ bones apart.

But she wasn’t the one to appear in front of him as the sounds of repulsors hit his ears instead, a deadly shadow of enraged Winter Soldier knocking the two Hydra agents down as they still clutched on their fresh wounds caused by the Ironman himself.

Steve had never been so relieved to see a man in a metallic suit to leisurely walk into the room, his mask clicking open as the dust settled, revealing a half-smile, half-smirk.

The pressure in Steve’s chest, however, barely eased. Sharp pain still radiated from his non-existent and yet very real gunshot wound, as well as the one on his arm, and from the shoulder he had likely dislocated during his most intense fight against the maddeningly unyielding chains; his ribcage felt all the tighter not only for all that, but for the lingering anger and feeling of utter helplessness as he had been stuck and stunned while you had been tortured in ways he didn’t want to imagine but would haunt his nightmares anyway.

It crashed into his mind anew even as it had never left, a wake-up call snapping his from his haze.

Steve was overwhelmed to death and tired just as much, but it was still nothing compared to how injured you were.

And that was why the first thing he choked out through the tightness in his chest and throat, gaze burning into Tony’s irritatingly calm face was:

“She needs immediate med evac!”

“Hello to you too,” Tony hummed with what almost seemed as amusement, eyeing the chains with raised brows, and made his way to him.

Series of cries and crashes sounded from behind the wall, making Steve wince, head snapping the direction just as the ground shook again, a thud and something that distinctly sounded like breaking of a bone amplified tenfold causing his heart to stumble in his chest in fear. He knew sounds of a fight when he heard it; and while he knew that was a good thing – the recue party being able to what you couldn’t at the moment, exactly what he had wished for barely five seconds ago – it didn’t mean his body wasn’t vibrating with need to move to join that very fight.

And Tony was still walking to him calmly, without care in the world but seemingly with all the time there was in it, as if you hadn’t been shot twice, bleeding out, the only thing disturbing Tony from his walk of fame being a stray bullet from a Hydra agent who got punched to his face for the trouble, and that was distinctly your voice whimpering and Tony was just-

Steve yanked at the cuffs stubbornly, gritting his teeth when the action made his shoulder throb, little spots dancing at the edge of his vision – fresh wave of dread and rage pooled in his gut and made his vision laser sharp, much like his voice.

“Goddammit Tony, I’m serious! She’s-”

“We know Steve,” Bucky said evenly, worried gaze trailing over Steve’s body as he himself was twisting one of the goon’s arm behind his back in what Steve knew was a very painful angle. Good, he thought fleetingly, these bastards deserved to suffer. “Johnson managed to hack the cameras with Friday’s help as soon as we located you. The emergency team is ready...”

Almost pointed brief silence followed Bucky’s words, the noise of battle dying out, followed by gentler sounds; shuffling, gasps, voices speaking quietly; worried and disturbed, but firm.

Bucky smiled a bit. “And I'm sure Spectre’s getting medical attention as we speak.”

Steve’s eyes slipped shut as he took a wavering, agonized breath as his own wound cried for attention – but the violence in him, having been brewing for hours now, didn’t subdue. Your screams still echoed in his skull, even with his momentary memory working as one of an almost ordinary human.

He’d never forget that sound – not when you screamed the first time when they had shot you.  Not when you screamed just a few moments ago when they had done god-only-knows-what to bring you more pain.

He felt the curse roll off his tongue, acute desire to swear on Bucky and Tony and others for having wasted time hacking secured feed and watching as the wicked voices from behind the wall hurt you more, instead of rushing to the rescue faster – but in the back of his mind, he knew all too well they had done their best. Because they always did – especiallywhen not one, but two of them had fallen into Hydra’s clutches.

Steve knew that; but a lot of good that had done, hadn’t it?

Couldn’t they have just— if they had only arrived at least a few moments earlier, flown in faster, infiltrated the base more effectively, if Steve had pulled harder, if he had been able to focus a little further and project again, shield you, because apparently, he wasn’t about to bleed out or suffocate upon being shot to his damn chest in the spectral form even if it felt that way-- and had he had set himself on the death road by catching another, very real bullet, it wouldn’t have mattered because at least he’d be able to do something, goddammit, instead of being a sitting goddamn duck.

“Didn’t anyone tell you sleeveless shirts got out of fashion and were never actually fashionable, Cap?” Tony noted, seemingly unbothered and completely blind and deaf to Steve’s inner turmoil.

As Steve snapped his eyes open and shot him a murderous glare, he saw a flash of worry and anger in his friend’s face.

Distantly, Steve remembered that this was how Tony coped when he was overwhelmed himself.

Responding would have been a waste of breath and would have blocked the precious noise from behind the wall, telling Steve that you were indeed being taken care of, probably having already carried away while others took care of Doctor Barret and other excuses for human beings that had been in the cell with you.

You were being treated. You had the serum – or some version of it anyway. You’d be fine.

Even as ‘fine’ was the last word he’d use to describe the utter shitshow that had taken place in this base. Nothing about what had happened here was fine, even as there were fractions of it that Steve would now always cherish; too bad they were overweighted by the ton of things he’d rather never think of again but stuck to his memories like molasses to his fingers.

The pain from your spectral wounds lingered? You had always felt like this, even if no one could see a scratch? Could you still feel the wound from two weeks ago when you had been retrieving the data Hydra had planted now, as you had two actual gunshot wounds to your thighs, so poorly taken care of, wrapped in the missing sleeves Tony was mocking? Was it like that? As if it wasn’t enough that blood was no doubt seeping through the fabric still, and maybe they had pushed against those, poking-

Jesus Christ.

“This might hurt a bit,” Tony warned him, kneeling next to him and frowning at the chains again, clearly wondering about the safest and fastest way to remove them.

Steve automatically sighed a thank you as Tony’s metal-clad hands moved to break the metal with sheer strength, before Steve turned his gaze to Bucky again, the question nudging insistently on his brain; a phantom image of you, dressed in what had been a breathtaking gown soaked in blood, torn and dusty, pristine white cloth coloured crimson around your thighs, face distorted in agony even when he had tried his best to work in the gentlest way possible. God, the undiluted innocent trust in your eyes-

“How long you’ve been watching? What did they— they hurt her further. How?”

Bucky met Steve’s intense gaze, his own disapproving and resigned at once – a silent conversation not longer than two second took place. Bucky clearly didn’t want Steve to know, aware it would only twist the figurative knife in his gut, the knowledge of whatever had happened in the other room torturing him, feeding his blame for simply having sat there while you had suffered.

He was right. But Bucky was just as well-aware of the fact Steve would find out anyway; hell, Bucky probably thought Steve would watch the footage just to learn.

And he was damn right.

So he came to the correct conclusion that it was better to just tell. And Steve was grateful, even as he braced himself for a figurative punch to his stomach.

“Long enough to know not to mess with the artifact. Johson cursed like a sailor when she saw it,” Bucky said slowly, pausing as he cuffed the other Hydra agent. Steve’s eyes kept burning a hole into his head as Bucky glanced at him again, no doubt hoping Steve would change his mind. Vainly – but he hadn’t expected as much. His weary sigh told Steve that. “They restrained her so she couldn’t escape the touch of the artifact, even though they never got to that part. They forced her on her knees. She had to put her weight on her legs-“

Steve gritted his teeth as inferno of pure fury exploded inside him, flooding his strained muscles with power; his hands curled into fists, his left hand, still trapped, breaking the last remaining string on metal on him with ease when he pushed his whole body into a single tug.

He was going to smash their faces.

He was going to break every little bone in the sleazy Hydra bastard who sounded like he was revelling in your cries and he was going to enjoy it-

“Cool it, Rambo,” Tony said flatly, the thinnest thread of satisfaction lacing his voice nevertheless. “We get it, you’re mad as hell, but we need to take care of you too. You can go all John Wick on them later. You don’t have your usual strength, you’ve been shot, have about a thousand cuts, those shoulders of yours don’t look as hot as usual either and you breathe like you have at least five broken ribs,” he listed, surprisingly accurate. Not that Steve cared. He didn’t need to be enhanced nor in full strength to release the violence he was now brimming with; he had seen ordinary humans commit unspeakable crimes with their bare hands. He could do the same if he pleased. And it would – please him, that was. They had hurt you; and then they hurt you further, just because they could, when you couldn’t even defend yourself, when he was right fucking there- “Come on, Cap. Let’s leave this shitshow behind.”

Two of Coulson’s agents whom Steve vaguely recalled by name – Agent Mackenzie and Agent May – strode in, taking the two Hydra agents off Bucky’s hands. Bucky was by Steve’s side in a blink of an eye, helping him up; it honestly surprised Steve how much he had to appreciate that, his legs wobbly, the world a little hazy at the edges of his vision causing him to grip on Bucky’s arm, the pressure transferring to the centre of Steve’s chest and causing him to wheeze silently at the fresh burst of pain.

Okay, shit, maybe giving Hydra hell could be postponed a bit-

“Easy, pal. You’ll be okay, but you really look like hell now,” Bucky said, Steve involuntarily proving his point when his left knee gave out momentarily, the only thing saving him from falling being Tony’s swift reaction as he supported him from other side. When had he got so light-headed? “Yeah okay, maybe walking isn’t the best idea-“

“I’m fine.”

He was. Definitely in an infinitely better state than you.

“Sure you are, pal, and I’m the President-“

“Stark, don’t, the situation is horror-like enough as it is,” Bucky huffed, helping Steve hobble. “You stumble again, I’m carrying you bridal style, punk. Then we figure out how to reverse the effect of that damn thing and-“

“No!” Steve cried out on instinct, energized at once – and earning glances shocked enough to elaborate. “I mean… there’s enough time for that. I’m… not fine, but I’m alright enough. We need to make sure the change is safe first. We… we don’t know how exactly it works. And trial and error is not an option.”  

It was not. There was no chance in hell Steve was going to test whether you’d be able to hold on without the serum with the injuries you had even in a controlled medical environment, and that was just one of his concerns. There were several others.

Where Tony was satisfied with his explanation, Bucky’s gaze lingered on him, a silent question he didn’t have to voice, because he already knew the answer; a fond and exasperated faint smile formed on his face.

You want the healing factor to do its work before you switch it again, don’t you?

Damn right Steve wanted that.

His feet might feel heavy, blood-flow restoring only now as he had moved the stiff muscle, but his brain was still working – and there was no way he’d touch that damn artifact with a ten-feet pole until he knew you were stabilized at least. Preferably later, because God knew Bucky was right; Steve might be aching all over, but you most definitely needed his healing factor a lot more at the moment.

And if there was the slightest chance that artifact might mess with either of you and your powers further, that was just more reason – one Steve would gladly share and point out at the reason – to wait.

The switch would be attempted – for sure.

The chance was probably never going to be a clean zero and the mere idea of staying this way – without an essential part of him, the part of him that enabled him to fight for what he believed in – was paralysing, no matter that he would have had a different and very useful power in return. He imagined that beside the healing factor which you could immensely benefit from, you might appreciate the other quirks too, but would prefer having your powers back still. Even as you were an excellent fighter and could hold your own more than well, with your true power, one that had nothing to do with mutations, being in your mind and heart. But your Inhuman power was a part of you as much as the serum was part of him.

The switch would be attempted – but in the right time.Steve was not going to take another risk, nor approve of anyone else taking it. But for sure - both of you would definitely welcome the return to the norm; at least where abilities were concerned.

If you’d revert to your old ways in your interaction as well remained to be seen – but unlike with the power switch, no amount of prior research or stalling would help Steve predict the outcome.

“Is Agent Campbell with you?” Steve panted, forcing himself to stay focused on the puzzle he could actually help solving. “He’s-“

“-not, he’s already diving into archives and all the retrieved records from the cute little cult-like community of Inhumans they had, researching the artifact,” Tony interjected, a brief smirk audible in his voice. “If anyone can make sense of Jiaying’s notes, it’s him. We know. We might not have not had our head strategist but we can do okay when it comes to it, Cap.”

A tired smile curled Steve’s lips upward.

“Thank you. I know you’re just fine without me,” Steve noted, smile slowly slipping when he remembered another piece of intel they needed to explore. “Can you-- we need to check up on Spectre’s mother.”

Bucky frowned at him in confusion. “They took her too? No other prisoner has been reported in this facility yet.”

Stev took a wavering breath as they exited the building, fresh air feeling like heaven despite the burning in his lungs – and the sight of multiple quinjets as well – and only then explained.

“Not sure. They just mentioned her in passing. Could be that she’s working with them. Could be they used her Inhumans research. Could be she’s in danger or hurt. I’m not sure, maybe they just mentioned her to get a rise out of Spectre. Either way, we need to know.”

“We’ll get right on that, pal,” Bucky assured him, grabbing his arm firmer to help him hop on the jet. “Now let’s get you home.”

A whole medical team was on Steve the second he stepped into the plane. However, as Tony started the quinjet, the ramp rising however, Steve was deaf to the questions asked; something much more important caught his attention.

One of Tony’s brilliant inventions, a modification of his suits, a stretcher designed for the field where wheels were a real inconvenience.

Two field medics; and you.

He only got a glimpse as the group headed towards the quinjet, but he had seen enough.

Unconscious. Ashen. Bloodied. Improvised bandages soaked through with crimson as you had been apparently forced to your knees. Remnants of your beautiful evening gown, one that made his heart beat its way out of his chest and sear, a precious sight to behold, a memory to cherish; the sight and all other senses full of you as you had smiled mildly, as you chuckled, as he held you in his arms, having moved almost effortlessly across the dancefloor.

And this was the price you paid; your punishment for Steve’s and others’ insistence that it would be fine to go to the auction.

God, he was such an idiot.

Arrogant idiot who had thought that if something had gone awry a bit, he’d handle it, especially with you by his side. He had seen the golden opportunity to apologize, to smoothen the rough relationship between you two at least a bit, to make a nice memory with you, so desperate to take a chance to show himself in a better light that for once he hadn’t minded Tony meddling.

This was Steve’s punishment for that arrogance and focusing on his own agenda; and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair, because you were taking the brunt of the impact of the consequences of his actions – and the lack of it. You were paying the price for his irresponsibility, for his incompetence.

God, how he wished he could turn the clock back.

Like so many times before.

He was sure his lips were moving, automatically responding to the questions of the meticulous medical team eventually. But that image of you remained in his mind, even when he closed his eyes, hazy due to pain medication he didn’t remember receiving.

The fact that it had done nothing to relieve the pain from the wound he had suffered when in his spectral form only made his stomach turn further.

Your pain lingered. And unless his brain was more messed up than he had thought, not only that your pain lingered for days, weeks even, but you also had no relief for it.

Steve just wanted to scream and punch and tear something apart.

“You won’t believe me, but it needs to be said,” a mild voice sounded next to him, causing his eyes to snap open in fright; he hadn’t noticed people moving around. Hadn’t noticed another of his friends arriving. Did you have someone close nearby? They might be operating on you already, despite the risks, so probably not. “Steve, look at me.”

It was hard to resist Natasha’s gentle command, but Steve had been through a lot harder trials today. Yesterday? Both? It had been light outside…

He kept staring ahead, her face, the flash of red hair, appearing on his vision even as his gaze wouldn’t focus on her.

He knew what she was going to say. It was clear as day – and she was right about one thing. He wouldn’t believe her. He couldn’t.

“This isn’t your fault.”

If Steve’s chest didn’t hurt so much and if he wasn’t trying to pretend like he was listening, he’d scoff.

“Listen to the lady, punk,” Bucky added. “She knows her shit. We all… pushed you a little bit to go. No one could have known.”

“We should have.” I should have.

Both of his friends’ faces came into focus as Steve spoke up, uncannily similar concerned expression on their features.

“Maybe. But we can’t change that now – and you know I hate trying to look at the bright side of things just to cover up for the hard dark facts, but we did discover a large base of operations and eliminated it thanks to you two,” Natasha noted and Steve gritted his teeth as he inhaled sharply, his lungs crying out in consequence. “That might have not been the plan, but it still counts. What you two have been through there – and we don’t know half of it, I’m sure – wasn’t for nothing.”

Steve gulped, averting her gaze. He couldn’t say she didn’t have valid arguments; there were good things that came out it indeed, the truth about how your powers worked among them, because at least now Steve would be able to take that into account after you hopefully managed to switch powers back. But that didn’t mean the horrible experience was lessened for it.

It didn’t mean it had been worth it.

“And you did a damn good job patching her up in that situation,” Bucky argued further, only making Steve’s stomach churn. Because that wasn’t true. He hadn’t been fast enough. You did the hardest work. You- “We know enough to understand you managed to project? I mean-“

“She dug out the bullets herself,” Steve said dully, despite the images his mind had conjured about that flaring up inside his head again being impossibly vivid and nauseating.

Bucky’s voice fell silent and Steve took satisfaction – a sick one, one knew – in the horror casting shadows over both Natasha’s and Bucky faces. Good. He needed them to understand. He needed them to understand that despite the state they found you in – precisely for that, perhaps – you were a goddamn fighter.

And he had failed you. 

“She dug out the bullets herself while coaching me through projecting to the hallway so we could get out. Only when that didn’t work, I projected to her and found her barely conscious, but with two damn bullets out and her hands and legs soaking in her own blood. Don’t tell me-“

“She’s one tough agent, Steve, we get the message,” Natasha interrupted his sombre speech flatly, face strict when he snapped his gaze to her; but her voice still spoke of warmth. “We know that and my respect to her only grows with every mission, but that doesn’t diminish your merit. Controlling a power which you had an entirety of few hours – of which most you spent unconscious, I assume – enough to get to her, taking care of her after that, was still hard work. You were both without your usual powers. Clearly, you both pushed beyond your limits. And survived, thanks to each other. But you alone did a good job.”

Steve averted her gaze, his face and the burn of angry exhausted tears probably saying it all: Did I?

I did nothing.

I didn’t do enough.

When she said it like that, it sounded like he had managed quite the feat, but it still didn’t feel like enough. It still felt like a failure on his part; but God, was she right when she said you had outdone yourself, fighting tooth and nail and pushing yourself to do the unthinkable and succeeding.

Steve cleared his throat, hoping to swallow the lump having grown there.

“How did you find us?” he asked, aware his friends would recognize that as clear evasion of digging deeper into the topic.

And hopefully, they’d take it.

Even with that sigh on their part.

The corners of Steve’s lips twitched up a bit at the ridiculously coordinated sound of exasperation and exhaustion from Bucky and Natasha; they were good for each other. Absurdly so.

���Barret was on the shortlist of my suspects,” Natasha explained simply. “For all the sophisticated manipulations and tricks, trying to get our scientists do their dirty work, no one thought of the possibility of us tracking him once we knew he could be the mole.”

“Cocky bastards,” Bucky hummed. “Luckily.”

Steve couldn’t but agree; he might have been pissed at the universe for the team not having appeared earlier, but he didn’t want to imagine what they would have found had they come later.

“How did Coulson’s team get involved?”

Bucky’s sudden grin seemed out of place, but warmed Steve’s heart anyway.

“You’ll like this one. Johnson was keeping tabs on the mission – the gala, that is. She actually recovered a draft of Spectre’s message about the artifact as soon as she found out about the ambush, came barging into the Tower with a few friends at her heels. She still had a cut on her forehead from their own mission. Speaking of tough women…”

Natasha smirked; and Steve’s smile widened, the sign of joy feeling genuine for the first time.

You did have someone by your bedside, even as most of your current team fussed over him, maybe even for that exact reason. Coulson’s team – your friends – were in your corner. Likely in every sense of the world. Good.

His stomach dropped to his feet only when the idea occurred to him that it might be enough for you to draw you back to Coulson. Away from the Avengers. Him included.

Gritting his teeth, he forbade himself to worry about that now. Even if that was the case, he would have to accept it; he’d have to be happy for you. He’d have to. He wouldn’t have a word to say against that decision. He hadn’t exactly done the stellar job of making you feel welcome, and as for keeping you safe-

“That’s good,” Steve said weakly at least, stomping on the unpleasant thoughts, latching onto the bright side – if it wasn’t for Agent Johnson, the rescue party could have been smaller. And slower. He was beyond grateful for the friends you had. “She’s a good friend… and I hope she’s been treated by now?”

“She was. As much as was possible during the flight anyway. And she does seem like a good friend... one who drives Tony crazy.”

Steve couldn’t but grin at Natasha’s sidenote, especially since he heard someone approaching from behind, probably the man in question himself. “Even better.”

“I heard that, Cap! How’s he doing, doc?”

Doctor Shaw glanced at Steve briefly, waiting for his approval, before he secured another butterfly band-aid over the cut on his forearm. Steve just nodded.

“Well, I’ll be able to tell more once we’re at the Tower, but for now, I’m confident enough to say that the patient will eventually make a full recovery.”

“Especially after he gets his mojo back, right?” Tony added, earning a slightly amused raised brow from the man.

“If you are referring to regaining the effects of the serum, particularly the increased accelerated healing factor, then yes, Mr. Stark. I’m hopeful.”

“There’s no rush with that-“ Steve protested instinctively, only for Natasha to carefully wrap her fingers around his left wrist – the least injured non-intimate part of a body she could find.

“We’ll figure it out, Steve. Together.”

And she’ll be fine too, the look in her eyes said, causing Steve’s shoulders to slump and making him internally wince in pain.

“Alright, Captain Rogers. Are you comfortable with me reporting-“

“Yes, Doctor Shaw. Proceed,” Steve said before the doctor could finish asking about sharing his medical information with three other people present, causing the man to smile briefly.

“Right. Your dislocated shoulder is stabilized for now, as is the gunshot wound. I would advise rest, bedrest preferably, and I’d recommend you to respect it this time as the effects of the serum, particularly the healing factor, do not seem to be present.”

Steve pointedly ignored the two piercing gazes and one snort from his friends at the note about him respecting doctor’s orders. He did respect all medical personnel immensely, both as people and professionals – there were simply times at which he couldn’t entirely follow their recommendations.

Doctor Shaw cleared his throat before he continued.

“The cut on your forehead was minor, as the majority of the cuts on your arms, apart from three of them with about two stitches each, they should heal within a few days. We disinfected it thoroughly, but we will monitor the progress regularly, especially for signs of infection. Again, if you could limit straining your muscles by let’s say lifting heavy objects, it would certainly help. As for the injury under your eye and over your cheek, there is no fracture and the swelling is going to disperse within hours. Do expect a bruise, however. Again, my recommendation is to rest. And do not hesitate to report if you feel that you should receive a higher dose of pain medication – I admit we do have slight trouble calculating the dose as we are in the process of determining the metabolization of various medication in the current state of your body.”

He made another pause, frowning, first at his notes in the chart and then at Steve.

“Now, before I leave you to it, I detected no injuries to your ribs or sternum, no swelling or bruising or worse, yet you are clearly in pain, having difficulty breathing. We can talk about fresh higher dose of fentanyl once we get to the base to relieve you, but as of now, do you have any idea what could be the cause for-“

“I’m fine. It’s… my pain is about two on the scale-“ of three “of ten, the breathing it probably just the adrenalin still wearing off. That is possible, no?” Steve suggested, hoping his lie sounded at least a fraction more convincing to the doctor and his friends than to himself.

Now that the pain from other injuries subdued, it felt like someone was drilling a hole not his chest and then poked around once he broke through the bone to the insides; or as if someone shot him. But he couldn’t say that without casting suspicion on you. He couldn’t do that until he had a plan of approaching the issue, preferably with you even if he felt like benching you forever for the stunt you had been pulling at him and the whole team – and possibly you previous team. What were you even thinking?

The doctor eyed him curiously, but nodded at last, clearly satisfied for the moment.

“I’m simply going to take some rest and then I’ll be as good as new,” Steve added, an innocent – but honestly grateful to all the care the medical provided – smile on his lips.  

He would swear Bucky mumbled ‘little shit’ under his breath. Doctor Shaw dared to raise a questioning eyebrow, clearly seeing Steve was trying to butter him up, but didn’t protest and took his leave.

Steve felt three slightly suspicious glares remain, but no one asked. For now.

They were about to land anyway.

Next chapter

Series masterlist // S.R. masterlist

Sorry it took so long, loves, life - eh🥲

As always, any feedback and thoughts shared are insanely appreciated 💗

I hope April has been treating you well - and if not, it's about to change 💕

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x you #captain america #captain america x you #captan america imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #agent reader #shield agens reader #avenger reader #inhuman reader #anika ann #back and forth

[lambtotheslaughterr]

When The Bough Breaks : Part One

A Rafe Cameron Mini Series

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 4.7k

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

MASTERLIST | PART TWO

SUMMARY: Reader is a content housewife to her wealthy husband who she somewhat loves. After a tragedy shakes both their lives, reader & her husband move to the island of Kildare to start over, but an all too interested young man next door will make their new home anything but pleasant…

            The mornings weren’t any easier just because your husband decided to move the two of you to the North Carolina coast. You still woke up late in the morning, your head foggy from the previous nights’ cocktail of wine & anti-depressant. You of all people knew better than to mix your medication with alcohol, especially with your husband being a pain management physician, but even he couldn’t take away the pain you felt in the deepest darkest parts of your heart.

Moses McFarlane, your husband, meant well. He was suffering as much as you were, but you two never spoke about it. The loss forced you into a constant zombie-like state, & it forced your husband to spend more time at work. But with the recent move to another environment, one that was warmer & prettier, your husband was home more often. Back in the city he was working 60+ hours a week, five days a week. Now, having lived on the island of Kildare for less than a month, he worked at a smaller hospital an hour & a half inland. So he was only working three days a week now, staying in a small apartment inland so he didn’t have to commute every day.

The three days he was gone never made much a difference to you. Even during the days he was home he was still absent. He was always nearby, but never close. You knew he wanted to support you as best as he could, it’s why he followed the advice of the counselor & moved you to somewhere with more sun. But he struggled with wanting to talk about it. You refused to talk about it. There was no point in it.

On this particular morning, it was 10:30 when you finally rolled out of bed. The house you two moved into was impressively large for a beach home. Three stories, six bedrooms, direct beach access. A year ago you would’ve loved the home, excited to fill it with family & happy memories. But it was just you in it. And sometimes your husband. You had never felt more alone.

You freshened up in the bathroom, splashing your face with water. The reflection in the mirror looked nothing like the vibrant woman from a year ago. Your skin was ashen, splotchy from the regular amounts of wine consumed. Your hair was dry, the ends splitting. The skin under your eyes was baggy & gray. Your mouth tasted bad. Lazily, you leaned against the counter with your back to the mirror, brushing your teeth.

It was Wednesday. Moses left for his three day long stay inland Monday evening. He wouldn’t be back until Friday morning. When you left the bedroom, you noted his side of the bed was unslept in. It normally was. You often found him having fallen asleep on a lounger in the screened in sunroom off the kitchen. Though you saw how much he still loved you, you often wondered if he blamed you.

Shaking the thoughts from your head, you emerged from the master bedroom on the top floor, trudging down the hallway. The rest of the third floor was a living room, dining room, & kitchen. Entering the kitchen, you noticed an empty liter & a half bottle of wine stood in the kitchen sink, a wine glass next to it. The bad taste returned to your mouth.

Tossing the bottle in a nearby recycling bin & the glass in the dishwasher, you started a pot of coffee. As your coffee brewed, you reached into a cabinet on the left side of the sink. You pulled out over-the-counter painkillers to kill the growing headache. Washing two of them down with a glass of water, you rinsed the glass, staring mindlessly through the window.

It was another beautiful day out, as typical with North Carolina weather you realized. You contemplated if you would finally go out & enjoy it. The hiss of your coffee pot interrupted your thoughts.

Pouring yourself a mug, you sat at the counter on one of the stools, allowing yourself to be enveloped by the silence of the house. It was too early to take your medication. Though you recklessly mixed your medication with alcohol, you didn’t want to abuse it further by taking too much. That’s what the wine was for. And that was usually in the evening when you needed to sleep. But it was day time. You needed to find something to distract yourself. Or else his laughter would begin echoing through the empty home.

Inhaling sharply, you grabbed your mug & went out onto the back patio that overlooked a spacious yard with a pool, the beach only a couple yards from the edge of your property. Other homes were nearby but not enough for you to feel part of a neighborhood. Sitting at the patio table, you recalled how you were once a social butterfly.

In the first years of your relationship with Moses, you two were very sociable. Though Moses was 20 years your senior, he still enjoyed hosting dinners with friends, taking small cruises along the Eastern Coast, & even attending his charity fundraisers. You two were a well-known & popular couple amongst your friends & colleagues. A small smile appeared on your face at the memory of your wedding & how wild it had gotten.

You had never imagined yourself getting married, let alone being in a long-term relationship. After all, you were 30 when your friend had set you up on a blind date with Moses. She had informed you that he was 51 & a doctor, recently divorced & looking for something casual & low maintenance. So, you were a shoe-in. Relationships had never been of great interest or importance to you. You were much too busy juggling your myriad of jobs. If a job couldn’t tie you down, a man surely never could.

But something about Moses kept you coming back for more. He had said the same about you. Your chemistry with one another was magnetic. He was handsome for his age; his hair dark with graying on the sides, his five-o-clock shadow was salt & pepper, but over the years it had become more salt. He had these soft, gentle dark blue eyes that paired well with his tanned skin. Honestly, you couldn’t believe that he was even in his 50s. And as you two spent the next seven years together, he only grew to be more handsome.

The memory of your love for one another made your stomach whirl with anxiety. Swallowing down the anxious feelings, you finished off your mug of coffee. You needed to get out of the house. After you placed the mug in the sink to be cleaned you later, you walked around the kitchen, writing down a list for groceries. Moses had groceries delivered when the two of you lived in the city but had yet to set an alternative up here. You didn’t mind though. It gave you something to do, somewhere to go.

Getting dressed for the day in your bedroom, you reluctantly decided to pop some make-up onto your face, liven it up a bit. From what little you knew about Kildare, it was one of those places where everyone knew everyone, & with it being your first appearance out in the world since moving to the island, you didn’t want the gossip to be about how wretched you looked. You imagined they were already discussing how you were an alcoholic, medicated recluse anyway.

Taking one final look in the mirror, you frowned at your middle. You had gained twenty or so pounds. The silk tank top you wore thankfully hid it enough, but you knew, you saw plenty. Disgusted with who you saw in the mirror, no matter what they wore or how much make-up they used to hide, you saw right through her. And she made you sick.

A grocery store on a tiny island was nothing like a grocery store in the city. There was no underground parking or two-three story level buildings that held everything a household could possibly need. On Kildare, the grocery store consisted of a small market & deli, along with a handful of produce stalls along a boardwalk.

You wore your shades under the sun, but did enjoy the feel of the rays against your skin as you meandered up to a vegetable stall. An older man stood behind it, taking animatedly on the phone. He nodded towards you in acknowledgment but carried on with his conversation. As you fingered & gripped tomatoes, looking for the ripest ones, you subtly observed your surroundings. There were not a ton of people out this morning, but considering it was the middle of the week it was no surprise. However, you were aware of a few stares from passerby’s as they shopped amongst themselves. No one approached you though, for that you were thankful.

You handed three tomatoes to the man to bag. He did as much then placed them on a scale, writing down on a piece of paper the weight then did some math, all while still on the phone deep in conversation. You were mildly impressed by the old school standards of the island thus far. He returned the bag to you, trading it with your card. He swiped it then gave it back. You went on your merry way.

The market & deli was closest to where you parked. You wanted to walk along the boardwalk, taking your time getting back to avoid returning to that large, empty house that was now your home. You placed the bag of tomatoes in the trunk of your car, knowing they wouldn’t be in there for long while you shopped inside really quick. You were just opening the door to the royal blue building when a woman around your age was coming out of it.

Her eyes met your own through the sunglasses you wore. Then a warm pearly white smile appeared across her lips.

“Mrs. McFarlane!” The woman greeted, stepping off to the side so she wasn’t blocking the entrance to the building. You felt your lips part in confused discomfort. You didn’t know this woman…

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” She offered her hand, a black leather Prada handbag dangling from the crevice of her curved elbow. Forcing down your blatant awkwardness, you gripped her hand weakly, shaking it once.

“Oh, you as well.” You muttered behind an unsure smile.

“Oh, sweetie, you don’t have to pretend to know who I am.” Her smile grew brighter, you were grateful to be wearing shades otherwise you might’ve gone blind.

“My name is Rose Cameron. I’m a realtor in Kildare. Your husband worked with my colleague Jack Shaeffer. He sold you the house on Three Weathers Lane.”

“Oh.” The name didn’t sound at all familiar. It was your husband who worked directly with the realtor, “Of course, yes.” You lied, the conversation quickly draining you. It was hard to believe that you spent your whole life thriving from conversations like so.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Jack had a lot of great things to say about your husband. We’re lucky to have another doctor on the island.”

“Barely.” You responded without a filter. Rose’s perfectly plucked eyebrows frowned slightly. You rebutted, “I mean, he works inland three days a week, so he’s not really a doctor for Kildare.”

“I see.” Rose scrunched her nose cutely, “Well, still. It’s nice to meet you. I imagine we’ll be seeing each other often.”

Oh? The unspoken word must’ve been evident across your features. Rose laughed a light-hearted airy sound. You imagined if Kildare had a laugh to match it’s feel, it would be hers.

“We live down the road from you.” Rose informed, “My husband & I & his three children.”

“Oh, yes.” You started, “I imagine we’ll see each other enough.” You hadn’t intended for the comment to sound as unenthusiastic as it had but it couldn’t be helped. Rose’s wide smile had reduced to a close-lipped one at that point.

“I’ll get out of your way, then.” She shuffled to the side, her heels clacking proudly against the pavement as she began to walk away.

“And, Mrs. McFarlane, if you need anything, anything at all. Please don’t hesitate to give me a ring. Or to show up on our doorstep. Oh!” She approached you a second time, pulling out her phone, “Actually, while I have you. I would love to have you & your husband over for dinner. Since we’re going to be neighbors it would be nice for us all to get to know one another. This is Kildare, after all. Everyone looks out for everyone.”

Her final comment left you feeling unsettled. In a blur, you found yourself entering your number on her phone. She rang you once so you could log hers. After trading was completed, Rose grabbed your hand, “I’m so excited to get to know you, Mrs. McFarlane.”

You had actually kept your maiden name in your marriage to Moses, so hearing her call you by his last name was different. “Call me _____.” You told her, “I much prefer my name.”

“Of course.” She grinned, “I’ll call you soon to arrange dinner. Have a good day, _____.”

You barely uttered out a ‘you too’ before she strolled away.

You stood outside the market for a few moments in a daze, feeling as if you were recovering from whiplash in a car accident. When you left your house this morning, you certainly hadn’t expected to befriend—if you could call it that—a stranger & be invited to dinner in the same breath. You only hoped that she was the type to offer a gesture to be polite, not to actually follow through.

Putting the encounter behind you, you entered the market & carried on with your shopping. On the drive back home, you were relieved you didn’t meet any other Kildare residents that were kind enough to approach you. The social butterfly you used to be had long since flown away. Pulling into the driveway, you sat in the car peering up at the house. It wasn’t particularly your taste but you knew Moses was only trying what he thought would be best for you, for the both of you.

The bright blue three story beach-house was the exact opposite of your 18th floor condo in the city. You had to admit that the fresh air that North Carolina offered was nice, as well as the view from every single window in your new home. You allowed yourself to smile up at the house, even if it fell a few seconds later.

Once all the groceries were put away, you noted that it was only 3 in the afternoon. You found it hard to believe that four hours had passed so quickly. But you knew it was a side effect of the medication. It made you sigh internally as you recalled the ridiculous amount of time you spent in an aisle at a time for 15 minutes, having trouble deciding between two different pasta sauce brands simply because you couldn’t focus your mind. You considered telling your doctor about it, but decided against it.

In the butler’s kitchen near the dining room, you pulled out a bottle of red by the neck. It was earlier than typical for you to begin drinking, but the abrupt meeting with your overly friendly neighbor had pushed you to seek comfort inside a bottle.

Kicking off your heels by the backdoor, you threw an accent blanket over your shoulder & went into the sunroom off the kitchen. Moses slept out here often so you wanted to see why he preferred this over the comfort & warmth of your bed, though you knew it likely had nothing to do with the bed. Settling into a lounger, you corked open the bottle & poured yourself a glass. You rested against the back of the lounger, taking a sip of the wine. The light flavors of rose & cherry coated your tongue deliciously. The sounds of the ocean calmed your nerves. You set an alarm on your phone for 4’o’clock to take your medication in case you fell asleep.

Taking another sip of wine, you pulled the blanket up to your shoulders, tucking your bare feet under yourself. Fluttering your eyes closed, you fought back the images of a two year old smiling at you. A tear escaped. And then sleep came for you, just in time to take the pain away.

“Sarah!”

A man’s voice in the distance woke you. You groaned, opening your eyes slowly. Your body ached in protest with your sluggish movement. The first thing you noted was that it was completely dark out. Your head was pounding. On the side table to your right, the bottle of wine had been half drunk. You frowned. You didn’t remember drinking it that much. Further, your phone was lit up with notifications.

Picking it up, you had 3 missed calls & 2 text messages. All from Moses. You would call him in the morning. It was too late now. The time on your phone read 9:00 p.m. You shot forward at the realization. Hissing to yourself, you clumsily moved inside to the kitchen where your pills were kept in a cabinet by the fridge. You had slept right through your alarm. It wasn’t too detrimental to be late on taking your medication but you tried to be regular with it. A morbid part of you laughed internally at your attempt to be ‘good’ with the medication. The bottle of red, & the many others in the recycling bin would argue otherwise.

Swallowing the chalky pink pill dry, you winced past the taste. The wine would chase away the taste. Returning to the sunroom, you finished off what was left in your glass, about ready to pour yourself another one before going up to bed when a man yelled again. This time closer.

“Sarah! Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.” He sounded angry, beyond angry.

The patio lights were off so you wouldn’t be seen when you stepped out onto the patio from the sunroom.

“Leave me alone, Rafe. You’re a mess.” A woman’s voice sounded next.

It took you a moment to find the pair, not used to the landscape outside your house just yet. In the dark, just at the edge of your property line, you could make out a young man & woman as they faced each other.

Whatever they were saying now you were unable to hear since they weren’t shouting. But you watched on, curious. From what you could see, the man appeared upset, talking fast & animatedly as he got in the woman’s face. She had her arms crossed in front of her, shaking her head, but she wasn’t submitting to him. You took another sip of your wine, watching them as if they were a trash reality show on the TV.

But then it escalated. Badly.

The woman, who you noted couldn’t be yet in her 20’s, turned her back on the man. Swiftly, he spun her around & slapped her.

“Fuck off, Rafe!” She screamed at him, ripping her arm out of his grip & taking off across your backyard. The man looked as if he was about to follow when you yelled out.

“Hey! Get outta here before I call the cops!” You hollered. The young man paused in his steps to glare up in your direction, but you knew he likely had a hard time even making you out against the darkness of your unlit house.

“I’m serious, kid. I’m calling them right now.” He lowered his eyes, glaring in the direction the woman had taken off in before turning on his heel & stomping off in the opposite direction. Leaving your wine on the patio, you went inside, speed-walking to the stairs. When you got to the second floor, you opened your front door, hoping you’d see where the girl disappeared to if she indeed went to the front side of your home.

Sure enough, you saw her sitting at the end of your driveway, a phone in her hand.

Grabbing a cardigan in the nearby closet, you stepped out, calling out her.

“Are you okay?”

The tanned blonde spun around, her eyes narrowing in your direction.

“Do you need me to call the cops?”

When she finally spotted you, she began walking towards you. You descended the stairs to the ground level, meeting her at the bottom. Once you saw her up close, your heart hurt for her. She absolutely couldn’t be any older than 20, she still looked like she could be in high school.

“No, I’m okay, thank you, though.”

You frowned, “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t know that asshole was but any man who puts his hand on a woman deserves a night in jail.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled in agreement, “Unfortunately he wouldn’t even make it to the backseat of the police car.”

When she saw the look of confusion on your face she continued, “My dad wouldn’t let a cuff touch his skin.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, leaning against the railing to your stairs, “that was my darling brother who slapped me.”

Your stomach flipped at her information. A father that allows his son to hit his sister? You presumed that it wasn’t a man at all who raised these kids.

“I’m sorry.” You said, “Would you like to come inside? I can order you an Uber or if you have someone coming to get you…”

“That’s okay.” She shrugged, but smiled weakly nonetheless, “I live down the road a ways. I was just gonna walk back after he cooled off.”

You nodded, not entirely liking the idea that this young girl you had just met would have to return to a home where her own brother feels hitting her is okay.

“Well, come in anyway. No point in standing out here.”

She hesitated for a moment but nodded, “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Once inside, you led her up the stairs & to the kitchen. Your bottle of anti-depressants sat on the counter. Before she could spot them, you swiped them quickly & deposited them in the closest drawer.

“Are you hungry at all? Thirsty?” You offered, knowing damn well that you really didn’t have any prepared to eat despite having gone grocery shopping.

She shook her head, admiring the interior of your home, “I’ve always wondered what it looked like inside here.” She commented, “The last owners were an old couple who let their family stay here throughout the years. None of them were half as nice as you.”

You chuckled lightly at that, “I wouldn’t say I’m much nice either.”

“Sure, you are.” She returned, “You’re letting a random girl into your house in the middle of night from right off the street.”

You pondered this, nodding in agreement, “You are right. I wouldn’t have done that in the city.”

“Thank you, though. I do appreciate it.” She grinned at you, “I’m Sarah, by the way.”

“_____.” You shared.

Sarah slid into a stool at the counter, drumming her fingers on the granite.

“So,” you started, “your brother hits you & your dad doesn’t care.”

Her eyes widened, “Oh, I wouldn’t say he doesn’t care. Not at all. If he knew Rafe has hit me before he’d hit him back harder. He just wouldn’t let Rafe go to jail for it. For his own good.”

“Your brothers own good?” You questioned, not understanding the logic.

“No, my dad’s own good.” She corrected.

“Oh.” You felt your face fall. You had met plenty of people like that back in the city. Who cared more about the reputation with their name then the well-being of their kids & loved ones. It didn’t surprise you though that such people existed on an exquisite & upper class island.

“Yeah.” Sarah pursed her lips, “Anyway, how do you like Kildare so far?”

It was your turn to shrug, “I haven’t explored it much. Today was the first time I left the house, to be honest.”

“That’s fair. I’ve lived here my whole life & I can assure you that it’s not nearly as impeccable as people make it out to be. You’re probably better off staying at home like you have been.”

“How old are you?” You asked.

“18.”

“Oh, wow.” You furrowed your brows, “At least you’re old enough now to leave your home. Get away from your prick brother.”

“Ha, yeah.” She nodded but it was solemn, “If he or my dad would ever let me. That’s what he was chasing me down about.”

“Because you want to leave?”

“Kind of.” She shook her head, “There’s this guy I’ve been seeing, & he comes from the other side of the island. My dad wouldn’t like it if he found that out but my brother knows already & he’s always barking at me to dump him.”

“Gross.” You commented, “It’s the 21st century. The men in your family don’t control who you date.”

Sarah smiled at that, “You should tell em as much.”

“What’s your address? I’ll do it now.” You joked. Sarah giggled but soon the smile disappeared, “I’ll get out. One day. Hopefully sooner than later.”

“If you need anything,” you began, recalling Rose Cameron’s offer earlier in the day, “You can always come here. My husband is gone during the week so it’s just me here. I won’t shut you out if you need a place to escape to.”

Sarah’s brown eyes sparkled at that, “Really? I mean, I don’t wanna bother you. I’d give anything to be alone.”

You sighed heavily, “I think being alone is probably the last thing I need these days.”

You & Sarah traded smiles, “Okay. I might take you up on that. Especially if Rafe is being a dick again.”

“Especially.” You enunciated.

An hour later, Sarah went home. You had offered one of the many guest bedrooms but she insisted on going home, that if she didn’t then her brother & his cronies would scour the entire island for her & the first place they’d look is her boyfriend’s. You waved her off from the patio as she parted through your backyard where you first saw her. Once she was out of sight, you gathered the half empty wine bottle & glass of wine, going into the kitchen. Without a thought in mind, you emptied the remnants of wine in the glass into the sink, re-corking the wine & putting it back on a shelf in the butler’s kitchen.

Speaking with Sarah for an hour had made you feel really good. More so, it made you forget about your grief. Sarah had clued you in on all the Kildare island need-to-know. The most important being that there were two classes of people on the island: kooks & pogues, the latter of which Sarah’s boyfriend was, which is why her brother & dad wouldn’t approve of the relationship. They were proud kooks, as she said.

Listening to her talk about her life & all that she & her friends get up to made you smile for the first time in a long time. You listened intently, paralleling your own teenage experiences with her own. Even the memory of being a teenager felt like it was hundreds of years ago. Sarah had been sweet enough though to escape you for much younger than you were. She was shocked to discover you were 37, commenting that she wouldn’t have guessed anywhere north of 30. For that you were relieved, feeling much better about yourself than you had in the last year.

Turning off the lights in your house, you crossed the third floor to your bedroom. Undressing, you slipped into one of Moses’ old college sweaters before climbing into bed. It would be the first night since moving here that you didn’t depend on wine to fall asleep. Sarah & her youth had made you forget all about your pain.

You would allow yourself this one night to feel painless, knowing well-enough that the pain would undoubtedly return in the morning.

First part to my new Rafe Cameron series! I am so so excited to begin this new venture. I already know every detail about this story & can't wait to share it with you guys. Rafe will make an appearance in the next part so be sure to follow me or ask to be on the taglist for this series, or Rafe in general, to not miss it.

In the meantime, share your thoughts with me! Any & all feedback in the form of a reblog with tags, a thoughtful comment, or dropping an ask are huge motivators to post sooner. I really would love to hear your thoughts so far. So, let me know!

Thanks for reading.

beau<3

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[radiant-reid]

hey cate ima very big fan of you’re work !! i was wondering if you could do a smutty fluffy spencer blurb, im allergic to latex condoms and lubricant, so i was thinking reader being embarrassed having to tell him about her allergie while foreplay when things start getting super steamy and before they go any further in the sexual act.

damn bestie that's a rough life to be living

You always thought Spencer would be shyer about kissing you, but things between you two have gotten heated more than once and Spencer doesn't hold back.

Every time before now, you had been in public or semi-public, and can't give in to the burning desire inside you. In his apartment, it's just the two of you. He had asked you over under the premise of cooking you dinner, but the oven isn't even turned on, and you're sitting on the couch making out.

It can't get much steamier on the two-seater, and you don't exactly want to have your first time with him in his living room.

He's thinking the same thing, pulling his lips back from yours and breathing heavily. "Want to go to the bedroom?" He offers, voice deeper than usual.

You notice how big his pupils are, lust written all over his features. You're sure you look the same. "Yes." You agree, moving off his lap so he can get up.

He pulls you up from the couch, dragging you towards the bedroom with renewed desire. You barely even make it past the door before your craving for him gets too strong and you grab his shirt to pull him closer to you and slam your lips against his.

He tugs his top off quickly, and your hands move to his hair. He pushes you onto the bed, crawling between your legs as you take off your clothes quickly.

When he finishes stripping you of your clothes and goes to take his pants off, you quickly pull away from the kiss, which has devolved into teeth rather than lips.

"Wait, stop." You say urgency.

He pulls away at the same pace, incredibly worried he's hurt you. "Are you okay?" He asks calmly. "We don't have to do anything tonight. No pressure."

You shake your head. "No. No, Spence, I want to." You assure him. The explaining is the bit you hate, wishing you could just use a regular condom and forgo the annoying interruption. All you're hoping is that it doesn't ruin the mood. "I just... I'm allergic to latex."

"Oh." He says. "That's rare. Less than 1% of people are."

"Thanks." You say like it's a question. "The problem is sex, like itching."

Spencer's brain connects to the emotional side after stating the facts. "I'll go get some latex-free condoms." He says quickly, grabbing his shirt from the ground.

You feel your heart swell with tenderness. Obviously, he wants to have sex with you, his hard cock in his pants tells you that, but he's genuinely concerned about making sure he doesn't hurt you, and that's sweet.

You stop him with a hand on his arm. "There's some in my purse." You tell him, jumping off the bed and walking to the living room where you left it. You're grateful he had the sense to close the curtains.

When you get back to his bedroom, he's smirking cockily, and you know he's thinking something smug. "Do you bring latex-free condoms everywhere?" He asks. "Or just to my place when you know we're going to be alone."

You laugh at him, throwing all four condoms at him. "Whenever I'm around you." You tell him. "Now you've got to use them all."

"Oh, I plan to." He assures you.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid blurb #criminal minds

[peanutpinet]

Gorgeous Company - DJ (idol) Johnny Suh x Shy Fem Reader

A/N: is it just me or May was a very long yet rollercoaster of emotions month? But anyways, there was already a spoiler that Johnny would be a DJ for a club here in my country, I just instantly thought of this fic and ofc, me being me, I had just to write something about it

Warnings: sexual comment, sexual theme, near sexual assault, pet name (kitten)

[02:09 am] - were you nervous and anxious about going to a club for the first time in your whole life which was both exciting yet nerve-wrecking. Honestly, if it wasn’t because of Johnny being the DJ and your other nctzen friends going, you would most definitely not want to go to a club. Ever.

Because you can’t seem to obvious that you were going to a club, you decided to just wear a slightly cropped grey top with long wide black pants. You took your “sleeping-over” back and bid goodbye to your parents as you went over to your friend's house to drop over your bag and pick them up.

After picking your friend up, the two of you drove off to the club. Arriving at the club, you and your friend were both amazed at how big the place was. After parking, you and your friend showed the security your IDs and ticket entry before being allowed into the club.

Inside the club, you were more than amazed that you were actually there. Being taught to be reserved ever since you were young definitely shielded you from lots of bad things out there. But because of your curious nature, you have always wondered what it would be like to just go out and have fun. To just enjoy life and explore.

You and your friend took several pictures before making your way to the dance floor. Luckily enough, you and your friend managed to get quite close to the stage. Meaning that you would be able to see Johnny up close.

Exactly at midnight, the event started and everyone started to gather around at the dance floor. For the first hour, it was someone else that opened the event and while your friend seemed to enjoy it so much, you were still nervous but tried to enjoy along. Surprisingly, 1 hour passed quickly and the announcer announced Johnny as the DJ which made the entire crowd shout with excitement.

Johnny thanked the announcer and went over to the DJ station and opened his session with a remix of Kick It, the song that introduced you to the NCT and K-pop world. Seeing Johnny up close and with the remix of the first NCT song you’ve heard really brought back memories of how you managed to find NCT during a tough time in your life.

Maybe it was because of the atmosphere or the song remix that Johnny did but you started to enjoy your time and the whole event. You started to slowly dance to the rhythm of the song which once again caught Johnny’s attention.

Johnny was just glancing at the crowd, making sure that everyone was having a good time when he caught you starting to dance which brought a smile to his face. Maybe it was because he first saw you originally being shy and awkward but when you started to enjoy yourself, pride slowly washed over Johnny as he felt happy that he could make even those shy and awkward ones actually enjoy themselves even if he didn’t do it through talking.

Unfortunately, Johnny’s time was almost up and he ended things on a lighter note by playing Regular. After the song ended, Johnny took the mic and thanked everyone, especially his fans for coming all the way to the club to support him.

“I know that not everyone here might be a club person nor have ever been out this late at night which is why I want to personally thank you all, especially my fans who came all the way here, this late at night and probably had to sneak behind your parents. It was a pleasure to be able to DJ for you tonight and see you all have fun. Stay safe everyone and good night!” Johnny stated, waving to the crowd and bowing before he headed back. Not forgetting to eye your figure as he left

Once Johnny left the stage, the announcer continued to announce other DJs that would continue the event. You asked your friend if they wanted to head back now which they were more than alright with it but they mentioned that they had to go to the bathroom real quick which you nodded and told them that you would wait for them at the corner of the bar because it was the most secluded, quiet area of the club.

As you were waiting for your friend, you scrolled through your phone and find some of pictures and videos during Johnny’s DJ session and can’t help but smile at the recent memory of meeting your bias and enjoying his DJ session and seeing him upclose.

“It was well worth the lie” you chuckled at your rebel behaviour for “lying” to your parents

“Damn. Didn’t think you were one to go to a club. But oh well, makes my heart flutter that you’re here. Even in that more modest clothing” your slightly crazy high school guy friend stated

Before you could even complained or fight back, the guy pushed you to the far corner, away from where most of the crowd and everyone’s sight. Tears were starting to build up in your eyes as you felt that this was your punishment for lying to your parents. But when you nearly felt the guy’s hand near your private area, the hand was immediately gone and suddenly, there was a tall figure in between you and the guy.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Don’t fucking tell me that you were going to touch her without her consent or worse, trying to rape her?! I don’t fucking think so” the soft lighthearted voice of Johnny turned into a strict dominated growl as he gripped the guy’s hand, nearly crushing it as you heard a bone crack

Seeing the guy in pain, you softly yanked Johnny’s shirt, just hard enough so that he would look back at you. Noticing your worried gaze, Johnny understood what you were implying and pushed the guy back until he stumbled to stand his ground. “Say a word out there and your broken hand would be the least of your problem” Johnny threatened. “Now scram” Johnny growled as the guy stumbles to leave the club

“T-thank you. For helping me. I, I thought you’ve left already” you stuttered, fiddling with your fingers

“Did he touch you at all? I can help you sue him if he did” Johnny stated, his voice was firm

“W-what?! N-no. He almost did but you came and helped me first. Don’t go after him. It’s not worth your time or energy” you replied

“You’re a fan, right? I saw you looking a bit awkward so I just assumed…” Johnny replied, his voice much softer compared to before

“Y-yeah. I am. Y-you’re actually my first and ultimate bias” you stated shyly, Johnny’s inner self was shrieking when knowing this information

“Fuck. I’m sorry that you had to see my angry self. I didn’t mean to. I hope that you’re not traumatised by it” Johnny apologised

“It was a bit scary but I know that you were helping me so I’m grateful for it. Really” you replied, slightly bowing, making Johnny smile

“You sure you’re alright, right? Also, is this your first time going to a club?” Johnny asked, leaning by the wall, hoping that his tall figure is covering you from the crowd so no one can see the two of you

“Yeah. I’m good. Still a bit shaken up but better now. And yea, it’s actually my first time. My friend accompanied me even though she’s not a fan but yeah, I came here because I wanted to support you. It’s one of your first times actually being a DJ in front of your fans, right?” you replied back, now Johnny knows that his little heart is warming up

“Yeah. It’s my first. Thank you. For coming all the way here to support me even though you might seem anxious and uncomfortable. I really appreciate it” Johnny mentioned, giving you his sweetest smile

“Oh, please, I should be the one appreciating you coming all the way to our country and being the DJ. I also actually somewhat lied to my parents about coming tonight” you admitted, slightly chuckling

“Oooh, you sneaky little one. Well, I have a sneaky information that would make everyone go nuts but I’ll just let you know since I feel that I can trust you. I can trust you, right?” Johnny asked, his gaze showcasing his more dominating aura, making you nod shyly

“Good” Johnny smiled. “Do you have a pen and paper with you?” Johnny asked again and you immediately rummaged in your bag and pulled out your little pocket notebook and pen

“Is this a sticker of us?” Johnny asked, amazed at the size difference between your pocket notebook and his hand while you just nodded. “Cute” Johnny complimented, leaning closer, making your face heat up. “My members are actually here, back in the VIP room. I’ll be back. I’m going to ask them for their sign, alright?” Johnny stated, leaving your stunned self

Leaving for a good 5 minutes, Johnny came back and gave you back your little notebook and pen whilst giving you his soft smile. “Here you go”. You took the notebook and were about to take a peek when Johnny stopped you. “Why don’t you look at it when you get home. I have a personal message for you” Johnny uttered, his bigger hands on top of yours, preventing you from opening the notebook

“Oh? You didn’t have to but sure, I’ll see it when I get back. Which reminds me. My friend just texted me that she’s waiting near the exit” you replied, keeping your pocket notebook

“Right this way then. There’s a backdoor exit that you can use to avoid any unwanted situations since I wouldn’t be able to help you much if you head out” Johnny insisted, directing you towards the backdoor exit that was exclusive for staff and VIP guests

“Here you are. You got everything you need?” Johnny asked as you slowly nodded. “Great. Take care of yourself, alright?” Johnny mentioned

“I will. And Johnny, is it alright to do one more thing?” you contemplated but asked anyways

“As long as it doesn’t involve anything illegal, sure” Johnny replied, anticipating what you were going to ask him but was caught off-guard when you suddenly went on your tip-toe and pecked his cheek whilst holding onto his bicep. “Thank you for today” you thanked Johnny, about to leave when he held you back

Everything happened both in fast and slow motion. Right after you pecked Johnny, you were ready to just leave but Johnny’s reflexes were quicker than your legs could take you. Johnny gently pulled you back and trapped you between his tall figure and the door.

“You really are a sneaky little kitty, aren’t you? Acting all innocent but you’re even more sly than a fox” Johnny commented, holding your chin between his fingers as he made you look up at him, making you feel small and nervous as he looked at you with that dark gaze

Worried that you pushed your luck too much tonight, you kept still and awaited his next words or move. As Johnny leaned closer to your face, you felt your whole body heat up and right when you feel his breath by your neck, you just called out to Johnny’s name which sounded almost like a moan.

Closing your eyes, you could feel Johnny’s thumb caressing the bottom part of your lip as he leaned even closer. But suddenly, you felt a soft wet stain on top of your forehead and when you opened your eyes, you saw Johnny kissing your forehead. Right then and there, your legs nearly give out if it weren’t for Johnny quickly grabbing you and holding you up.

“Looks like I also caught you off guard, didn’t I?” Johnny chuckled, holding you in his arms but slowly let you go once he was sure you could stand on your own. “You should go now. Your friend must be waiting long” Johnny stated, slowly letting you go

“D-did you just??” you questioned, still shocked from what just happened

“How about you just hit me up when you get home? Take care alright?” Johnny mentioned, winking at you as you left the club, still stunned

When you met up with your friend, they questioned where have you been, you told them that you met with another friend of yours who was a fan of Johnny as well. Without questioning you further, you and your friend headed back to your staying place.

Arriving back, you showered first whilst your friend waited for you. Once you were done, you changed as your friend went into the shower. As you dried your hair, your thoughts went back to Johnny’s words back in the club. How he told you to just open your notebook at home and to text him when you’ve gone back.

Taking out your pocket notebook, you started to peek through what kind of message did Johnny write. What amazed you was that Johnny was being honest about his members being at the club because every single of the other 127 members sign your notebook but once you got to Johnny’s signature, you noticed his long note right next to it.

“I know that we’ve only just met and that you might think that you’re just a fan but I must say that you caught my attention from the moment I stepped onto the stage. I was a bit worried that you wouldn’t enjoy yourself but am glad that you eventually did. I know that what happened was probably not the way you wanted to meet me but I’m partially glad that we met because you’re a genuinely sweet person. Since I’ll be in town for a bit. Hit me up if you’d like to meet again since having you as my gorgeous company whilst being here would make me ecstatic. Text me 0XX-XXXXXXX” - with love, Johnny Suh

Feeling your cheeks burn as you read his message, you hesitantly took your phone and tried to text his number which turned into a long chat throughout the night while your friend passed out and became the beginning of something more between the two of you.

A/N: gosh, I really want to see DJ Johnny, especially after seeing his talk with Eric Nam makes me want to go and support him but I'm not even sure if I would be able to get the tickets also will most probably have to sneak behind my parents if I do end up getting the tickets. We'll see. Cause I'm like so sure that the fans are going are mainly Johnfams and they're are all gorgeous, smart, independent alpha boss lady whereas I'm just a lost potato :') ahahaha, hope you enjoyed this fanfic and see you in the next one xoxo Vinet

#nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct x reader #nct 127 #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 imagines #nct johnny #nct johnny suh #nct johnny scenarios #nct johnny imagines #johnny suh #johnny seo #johnny scenarios #johnny imagines #johnny x reader #johnny suh scenarios #johnny suh imagines #johnny suh fluff

[fallenpetalau]

i got a little distracted with making these little gems and backstories that go with them 😭 I'm back on the comic! I promise!

I kept the circus/clown theme i felt our Spinel had, so Yellow is a Sword Swallower, Blue is a Juggler and White is a Pierrot. All of these Spinels are part of troupes - having at least 10-20 of their same gems alongside them while our Pink Spinel is a one-of-a-kind.

Yellow Spinel snaps just like in canon. Except she attacks the colony where her Olivine resides and destroys stuff. Blue Spinel runs away and lets herself corrupt and disappears in the wilderness of a planet near a colony. And White Spinel gets shattered the instant that the fun moment is over. She gets harvested and recycled into remaking new White Spinels

ETA Image Description

[Image Description: Three pictures, each depicting a different circus themed character in the style of Steven Universe.

Image 1 is of a Yellow Spinel proudly holding a sword. She has twin vertical pigtails tied at the end, a yellow court jester themed outfit and a large white Ruff collar that leads to pants that poof out with diamonds on her thigh and solid color to her shoes. Surrounding her is different depictions of herself in various poses, bowing, a size comparison to her diamond, Yellow, and on of her in a state of anger, large black drops overtake much of her outfit and her collar is tattered and stained. Instead of her usual outfit, her goofy pants were replaced with a too-tall alternative that rose past her stomach and only ended at the start of her shirt. Her hair is messed up and her gem is upside down.

Image 2 is of a cat themed Blue Spinel, she acts as a juggler and is noticeably taller than a regular Spinel. Her two-pointed hat moves to her emotions like it were actually a cat's ears. Her arms are made of bicolor streams of ribbon, blue and white alternating and look like baggy sleeves but can be used outside of being as an arm. She has a black upper lip and white lower lip with white upside down drops on her eyelid acting as face makeup. The collar of her outfit and the decoration around her hip is sharper looking than Yellow Spinel's, jutting out and up in multiple points. Also surrounding her is other depictions of her, one holding her juggling pins, one of her crying due to Blue Diamond's oppressive power and three of her corrupted form as a Panther-like creature. It's blue with dark blue teeth, white under the eyes and like a tiger- has two fake eyes imaged on the fur of the back of its ears- it has two sets of ears and two extra limbs on it's shoulders that act similar to the destructive claws of the Mantis Shrimp and is aggressively solitary.

Image 3 is of a White Spinel , much smaller than the other two, both in gem size and in body size and almost completely white in front of a slightly-lit black background. Her gem is the size of a pupil and lacks pigmentation - being almost solid white itself. Her gem is in place of her pupil on her eyeball and she would be only half of Steven's height if lined up next to him with her hat making up the difference. She is an old-fashioned mime themed with a tall cap with black pompoms, a soft two-layered Ruff draping around her neck and a baggy jumper with a simple cord tying the loose fabric close to her form. There are triangles on top and bottom lid that fit together to make black diamonds on her face and each have a small black dot at the outer point of it. ]

I've never written an image description for my art before, I hope it's understandable haha😄

#digital art #fallen petal au #fallen petal su au #suau #fpau #behind the comic #steven universe au #spinel su #spinel #other spinels #gem oc #gem

[tredawakandan]

Love we got the Zoro vs Mr.7 fight. Loved how they made him the stoic badass. Alvida actress actually made me like the character 💯😅

Loved the Spooky vibe Kurozu gave. Buggy was amazing 🤩.. Jacob really has the best mannerisms to me out of the strawhats 😅. Mihawk was a boss. Was worried how they would do strong attacks but loved how they did Mihawk slash and Shanks CoC. I liked the Arlong Pirates.Wonder why Hachi wasn't apart of it but besides that they were cool. I'm 100% ok with Don Krieg not being a villain of Luffy. We all know that was a zoro and Sanji arc.. But why did they keep Gin 😅.

Inaki grew on me especially within Syrup village. Jacob did Usopp amazing. Mackenyu and Taz did amazing as zoro and sanji. Sanji especially was great in love action. I feel since he's really emotional in the manga I didn't feel it would translate in live action. But it was pulled off 👌. I loved Buggy actor since Agents of Shield so it was a no brainer I would like him😅

It was smart to include Koby and Garp in the main story. Sadly since cover stories aren't adapted casual fans would definitely lose interest over Koby

The best thing about this show so far is I like that it feels like a regular show. It being one piece is just the cherry on top. As a Netflix fantasy show this is an easy 7/10 or 8/10. If a majority of people feel this way then I say mission accomplished for a good anime adaptation 💯

The best part is then putting respect on One Piece name by stating it is in fact the Most sold Graphic Novel/Comic of all time 😤

#one piece #mackenyu #inaki godoy #usopp #monkey d. luffy #pirate king #one piece live action #one piece 1091 #one piece 1092 #eiichiro oda #monkey d luffy #Koby #arlong #garp #roronoa zoro #nami #sanji #anime #manga #Netflix

[somnefarious]

In your PROFESSIONAL opinion, what are the major types of hypnosis itself? Perhaps that’s too broad, but I believe I mean how the hypnosis interacts and affects the target? (Confusion, corruption, etc). Sorry if this is pretty general, but I’ve really loved the breakdowns on certain tropes and aspects involving the topic!

Oh, that is pretty broad. Well, if we're not going into specifics and going with the broadest types (and I'm going to be limiting this to fictional depictions of hypnosis that are often seen in media):

Confusion - often mixed with smooth/fast-talking, 'convinces' the person to be or stay in a brainwashed state. Starts off saying something that the person agrees with, but gradually changes and guides the hypnotized person's dazed thoughts and opinions in the conversation until they're agreeable. They eventually can't grasp their own thoughts or fully understand what they're doing or why, so they blindly follow what their hypnotist tells them to do. I thought about including focused based hypnosis (eyes, pendulums, etc) as it's own category, but I think it falls into Confusion style nicely.

Surprise/Immediate - without introduction or preamble, this type of hypnosis takes hold of the person immediately. Can be met with or without struggle or resistance. Often this is a style that comes with the soulless/emotionless/mindless hypnosis aesthetic, though not exclusive to this depiction.

Conditioning - typically includes a change over time, sometimes through long-time exposure to a hypnotic power, other times through gradual small changes or tweaks to one's personality or day to day life. Sometimes done without their notice, other times done through 'training' sessions.

Corruption - Pretty straight forward but definitely unique enough to set it apart from the rest. Corrupts someone so it seems like they still have their personality in tact, but it's a darker and often more violent and callous version of their personality. Acts as a groupie to the villain.

Emotional - most frequent example of this forcing someone to fall in love with another, making them do whatever the hypnotist say out of a newfound obsessive affection. Can also be done with emotions of anger or hatred, maybe feelings of inadequacy, targeted towards their friends/families/rivals in a moment of weakness - latter ties together well with 'confusion' style hypnosis.

Torment - mind control reinforced with pain or mental trauma (ex. bad memories of a traumatic past or relationships used to weaken a person's mental defenses). Can be harder to break out of due to the trauma from the induction, where the person hypnotized is desperate to stay in trance to avoid it. This one can be a little hard for some as a hypnosis trope.

Possession/Infection - An outside force takes control of someone, overlaying their own physical personality/instincts over the hypnotized person in order to achieve a personal goal

Conscious - this is the type where their body is being controlled but they are fully conscious. Not my brand of hypnosis, I wouldn't always consider it as a category myself, but it is often included in line with regular hypnosis so I'll include it as it's own group.

I'm sure that there's more than that, I'm far from an actual professional haha, but that's just what I could think of off the top of my head. And I didn't go much into other ways to transfer hypnosis to the hypnotized (signals, technology, telepathy, scents, potions, etc), cause if I did I think we'd be here for ages

#somn reply #hypnosis #man every time I talk about hypnosis I remember how much I like it #so much potential

[hexpea]

Ch. 15 - A Father's Retribution AN: Just a chapter warning as there is a brief discussion of child abuse and a bit of an argument, no graphic violence.

The weeks went by. You and Toji went out on regular outings with Megumi, making sure to shove Megumi in Toji's lap whenever possible. When you would go to visit Tsumiki, Toji would also tag along, continuing to play the role of "Matteo." It was almost like the two of you had a transactional relationship: you'd let him see Megumi without argument, he'd cover for you as a boyfriend figure in an attempt to humiliate your ex-husband. You were grateful to have him around, he made a good partner in crime. 

Before you knew it, autumn had arrived. Megumi had gotten much bigger and was nearing his first birthday. Tsumiki was well into two years old at this point as well. The two of them were growing at the speed of light!

You hadn't really noticed it right away, but things were slowly changing at home. When you would visit, things were a bit darker than the last visit. Counters were dirty, toys and un-laundered clothes left on the floor, flies would accumulate at the kitchen sink when the windows were left open, and you began to notice empty pill bottles left in the trash can. You tried your best to think nothing of it, that perhaps your ex-husband was going through a bit of depression from the divorce. You knew you had some of those emotions, too. For some reason, you were still trying your best to see Masaru in a good light.

"Ready?" You looked over at Toji as the two of you left the train station for another visit to see Tsumiki.

"Ready as always," Toji sighed and began to follow you as the two of you headed toward your former apartment. 

At the current moment, the Zenin estate was your full-time residence. Your room there had overflowed a bit with the things you had moved out of your old home. You figured that you'd be able to start looking at flats in Tokyo soon, your ultimate goal -- saving enough to last until Tsumiki started preschool and then getting a job to continue your lifestyle in the city.

The two of you continued on, knocking on the front door and waiting for an answer. It took longer than usual for your ex-husband to get to the door. When he finally did, he looked rough -- as he had been for the past few visits. He had dark circles under his eyes and wore his work slacks and a white, stained tank top. To top it all off, the man wreaked. He smelled like garbage mixed with cheap, feminine perfume.

"God, Masaru," you furrowed your brow immediately and shoved past him, "you're disgusting."

"Hello to you, too," he rolled his eyes and followed the two of you in. The place was dirty, as usual at this point.

"Where's Tsumiki?" You looked around, usually able to find her playing in the living area.

"She's...in her room," Masaru answered, yawning in the middle of his statement.

"Ugh," you scoffed at him and made your way to the back of the apartment where Tsumiki's room was. It was just as much of a mess as the rest of the house, but luckily there only appeared to be a mess of Tsumiki's toys and none of the other garbage you knew about.

Toji had followed behind, something within him boiling as he saw the state of the place. The boiling had been brewing for some time after a few of these visits. He hated seeing what Masaru was doing to the place, letting your daughter live in squalor with random women coming in and out. He admitted to himself that he wasn't much different, but he at least made the smart decision to protect his son from that kind of lifestyle. It was weird to think that someone else could stoop somehow lower than him, killing aside.

"Hey, baby," you happily greeted when you found her happily playing with her toys...alone. You wondered just how much time she spent alone.

You knelt down beside her to begin playing with her as Toji leaned in the threshold. Your ex-husband was nowhere to be seen, likely back lounging around on the couch as he usually had been.

As soon as you began to play, you began to notice something. Tsumiki wasn't smiling up at you. And she wasn't giggling or being the little troublemaker you once knew her to be. You looked up at Toji with a desperate look on your face as a way to tell him that something was wrong. When you looked back down, that's when you saw them. Tsumiki was wearing a cute tank top, one that you had bought her, with a watermelon patterning at the collar. Her exposed arms had small splotches of purple and green, clearly bruises.

"No way," you whispered to yourself. You felt something inside of you snap, rage began to bubble in your throat and you could see nothing but red.

You quickly stood and grabbed Tsumiki up at the same time. You rushed past Toji and into the living area. Toji watched you carefully, a furrowed brow as you pushed him aside, wondering what exactly you saw to suddenly storm out. On the other hand, he really enjoyed seeing you so fiery, fighting for what you wanted.

"Masaru," your voice easily gave the signal of your anger. Masaru was completely zoned out on the couch, almost zombie-like. "Can you explain these marks on our daughter?!"

He lazily looked up at you as Toji slowly came into the room, listening carefully. He looked down at Tsumiki in your arms who bashfully hid herself in your hair.

"She fell," Masaru muttered before turning his attention back to the television.

"You think I'm going to believe that?" You scoffed, your voice a bit high-pitched as you tried to contain your anger. "I know my daughter. She falls all the time, but nothing comes back looking like this!"

Masaru sighed and stood up to better address you, realizing this fight was about to become bigger. "She fell, Y/N. I don't know what you want me to say. She's two now, she's stumbling all over the place."

You weren't going to take that as an answer, but you also didn't want to waste your time arguing with him. "I'm taking her. I'm taking her back to the Zenin's where I'll care for her and Megumi, both." You sped toward the front door, but Masaru was quick to stop you.

"Hell you are!" He shouted at you suddenly, his back pressed against the metal door. "She's my daughter, she belongs here! You abandoned us!"

"You gave me no choice!" You shouted back. "You were unfaithful and I don't want that around our daughter. I wanted to work to make for a better life, for the two of us. A life that doesn't involve you!"

Meanwhile, Toji was losing his patience. He didn't want to get mixed up in your family affairs per your personal wish, but he couldn't stand seeing what was displayed in front of him. Sure, he wouldn't have cared if it was another floozy that he had randomly slept with. But this was you. You were the caretaker of his son, and you were damned good at it. Damn near as good as his late wife, but admitting it? He...couldn't...shouldn't...

"Like I'd let you, I'll take you back to court," Masaru shouted again, spit landing on your face as close as the two of you were. "You think they'll let our daughter go live at your weird workplace with a bunch of violent...sorcerers?!" He had to think of what they were called. He was aware of the whole "curse" thing but he wasn't someone who could see them. If he could, he'd see that the apartment had become littered with them; little, tiny monsters that crept around in dark corners feeding off of the negative energy.

"It's better than here! Anyone with eyes could see that!" You countered. "Your lawyers can't do shit." You took a few deep breaths, finding yourself in complete disbelief in the situation. "I can't believe the courts even allowed you to continue caring for her to begin with! Now, let me leave!"

"No!" He growled loudly, making it a point to shove you backward to get you away from the door.

Luckily, you were able to stay on your feet while holding Tsumiki who was now beginning to cry from the loud arguing and sudden, jarring movement.

Within the same split second of Masaru shoving you, Toji was in motion to defend. Without any sort of hesitance, Toji's knuckles found their way around Masaru's throat, pressing him against the wall next to the door. The image of Masaru was a bit familiar to when you had first met Toji. He clawed at Toji's wrists, no match for such a bulky man, eyes bulging outward and tearing up from the sudden lack of oxygen. Toji's expression was one of pure animal instinct, his pupils dark and the veins in his forearm protruding as he put all of his force in holding Masaru down. You could tell that he was born for a job like this.

You quickly covered Tsumiki's eyes and darted from the apartment. This type of violence was not something that you wanted her to see, let alone yourself. You had instructed Toji to do nothing to Masaru, no matter what. You still felt that way, still desperate to find the man you once loved in there. You thought that deep down the man you first fell for was still present, that he had a chance to grow and change. But with this kind of downfall, you found yourself questioning it. But there was still no justification in his death. But you'd rather get Tsumiki to safety than stick around and argue with Toji about morals and still watch your husband die.

#toji fushiguro x y/n #fushiguro toji x y/n #toji fushiguro x you #fushiguro toji x you #toji fushiguro x reader #fushiguro toji x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji

[freesia-writes]

Chapter 25: Repentance

During the Clone Wars, the Bad Batch is tasked with a variety of missions across the galaxy. An unexpected addition to their team throws a wrench in the mix, particularly for Tech, who finds a particular connection with this disillusioned Padawan-turned-mechanic named Vel throughout the events in this action-adventure romance. COVER ART BY @zaana!!

Master List of Chapters

The surface of the dark water bubbled lazily as Vel relaxed back in the spring. The moonlight filtered through the glass roof, bathing the room in a peaceful glow. Stately vines wrapped around the pillars that were peppered throughout the recovery wing, and although that was its official title, it felt more like a garden retreat than any sort of medical structure. 

"I didn't think you meant right away, and I didn't think you meant to come along, but I'm glad we got that all sorted out," Vel said, smiling blearily at Tech, who was perched on a bench across from her, his helmet at his feet. They had been chatting for what felt like a few minutes, but judging by the moon's journey across the sky, it had been significantly longer. 

"I intend to ensure your safety and comfort for the duration of our stay," Tech responded. "And for the duration of any future endeavors we may share. Romantically or otherwise."

Vel laughed, feeling the delight wash over her as she grew reaccustomed to his mannerisms. "Look at you, a regular Lasa Nova all of a sudden. What happened?"

"I assume you refer to the infamous literary figure of Ryloth, with whom I share very little in common, but if your intent is to question my more forward nature since our reunion, it is simply because I realized, after time away filled with deep thought, that every potential scenario I can envision for my future appears more desirable with you in it. My only option was to pursue you, in the hopes of your agreement."

"And what am I agreeing to?"

"Rejoining our crew as the ship's assigned mechanic, employed by the Machinist's Guild of the Galactic Republic, for as long as you consent. And... considering my attempts at affection."

Vel sat up, nearly forgetting her nakedness, concealed only by the dark green waters of the hot springs. She dipped back down, still processing the offer. "But I still have to complete my service here to pay for all the treatment I received," she said. 

"Actually, that has been taken care of by Senator Bail Organa," Tech informed her, "After we shared about your involvement in some of our missions together."

"Everything is changing so fast," Vel said, head spinning. Her hair was piled messily on top of her head, tied up with a spare strap, and she brought a hand to it as if to calm the storm within. 

"Indeed. It has been a tumultuous evening for you," he agreed, rising to his feet with a large towel in his hands. He stood at the end of the steps, holding the towel open invitingly, and turned his head as far away as he could, "You may be assured of your privacy."

Vel smiled, taking a moment to be grateful for his respect and kindness, and got up out of the hot spring with only a few jerky movements. She wrapped herself in the towel he held, tucking it snugly under her armpits, before turning around to him. "I'll see you at the door?"

But Tech remained in front of her, arms moving from his sides to loosely clasp together in front of him. He looked at her intently, with his signature head tilt, his eyes dark pools of emotion and warmth in the soft light. "Yes, but... May I try something?" he asked.

Her stomach lurched and her chest tingled, and Vel couldn't remember a time that she had felt safer or more comfortable. How was she back here so suddenly? She thought the months apart had buried it all deeply, but all of it had erupted back to the surface in a mere week. "Yes," she said, almost breathlessly. 

Tech took a step closer, unclasping his hands to reach for hers. He gave them both a gentle squeeze, moving to leave only a few inches between them, before gliding his hands up the outsides of her arms, coming to rest on her shoulders. One hand remained there while the other moved toward her face, caressing her cheek with the backs of two fingers and tracing their tips down the side of her neck. 

She closed her eyes, taking a slow, deep breath in, savoring the moment fully. His fingers traveled across the top of her shoulder and came to the end, dropping off her arm as light as a feather but meaningfully enough that she wanted to preserve that sensation forever.

"Thank you," Tech said quietly, and Vel could swear she heard a husky tone to his voice. "I shall see you at the door," he finished, picking up his helmet and quietly walking to the exit, leaving her there in a blazing wildfire of tingly bliss.

* * * 

Vel couldn't believe her eyes as she lowered her bag onto the cot in the corner of the hold of the Marauder. It was if she had been here yesterday, both in its appearance and in the way it made her feel. The only reminder of the whole ordeal on Alderaan was the tingly weakness that surfaced occasionally.

She had reveled in the reunion with the squad, arm still smarting from where Wrecker squeezed her too hard in a massive hug, and remained overwhelmed with gratitude and excitement as she pondered what lay ahead for them. Tech's injection into the unconscious Arthen apparently served as some sort of selective short term memory loss; Vel had been surprised at the repertoire of tricks up his sleeve and had also made a mental note to look into the legality of it.

She had always been the type to want to have a solid plan for her life, reaching far into the future, but if the last few years had taught her anything, it was the total unpredictability of it all, especially around this team. She took a deep breath, aligning her shoulders with a new sense of resolve, and turned to the lift, to see what the Force had in store.

***

A couple months' worth of missions had been punctuated by Tech's absolutely adorable attempts at romance, and Vel's heart had truly found its home in his. They had fitted various opportunities into their free time, ranging from blurrg jousting on Ryloth to the reenactment of the civil war of Florrum. The latest had been an art class on Bimmisaari, where she had been thoroughly embarrassed to turn her canvas around at the end, revealing a primitive rendition of the sunset, while Tech had produced a breathtakingly detailed portrait of her. She gasped as he showed it to her, his lips pursed as he continued to scrutinize the finished product.

"I didn't know you could paint!" Vel said breathlessly, a million other things fighting to be said next.

"I simply applied a variety of artistic principles common in dramatic realism," Tech said matter-of-factly, as if anyone could have done it.

"Naturally," Vel replied, laughing quietly, "But how did you choose that moment to capture?" She was flattered by his creation, but she found a part of herself wishing it had been an image of her in some heroic pose during one of her few but notable accomplishments on a mission. Instead, he had opted to recreate their exploration on Kashyyyk, specifically her rather dorky-looking delight in a close inspection of a tree trunk.

The image was as colorful as it was moving: wisps of her brown hair fluttered in a light breeze as she bent close to examine a tree trunk with no bark. Tech had preserved the exact pattern that she remembered marveling at: lines swirling around knots, sprinkled with reddish brown dogs that looked like an entire galaxy. She was enthralled by the expression on her face, which she didn't think she'd ever worn before: it was unbridled curiosity and childlike fascination, and it made her feel a need to smile as she looked at it.

"My mind seems to return to that experience more frequently than any other," Tech replied, eyes moving from his painting to her, "And upon further reflection, I believe that may have been the moment that I first..." He drifted off without finishing, tilting his head, eyes flitting back and forth as if searching for the answer in the air. Vel waited patiently, for what seemed like an agonizingly long time, before he finished: "I am unable to accurately put it into words. I will ponder this further."

She laughed again, reaching up to tenderly touch his cheek. She yearned to embrace him, to show him how deeply she had come to feel for him, but while he had been clear in taking the lead in his pursuit of her, he had been notably reserved in physical affection. She didn't want to push him further than he was comfortable, still enjoying the waves of ecstasy that washed over her at a single touch and trusting him to explore at his own pace. He was receptive to her touch, although it always caught him off guard, and his surprised reactions always brought a smile to her face. 

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[soulntes]

3. SEYKXEL'S PATH

CHAPTER 4 : A MOTHER'S MISSION SOON

the dream consumed her.

ingyen worries of her mother's words, as the tsahik and who interprets eywa, to seek and follow what she planned for her yet again. it was as if the great mother herself wants her to prove herself again after the events when she was against the idea of neytiri with a dream walker.

she lost her sister, sylwanin, to the sky demon's violence. the trees of souls demolished like it was nothing to them by their technology. the attack on her and her people's home destroyed from it's natural roots and the death of her father all in the same day. it was too much emotion to bear when they kept taking everything because they wanted what they couldn't have and destroyed everything they touched.

by the time she lost tsu'tey, her long dear friend and potential mate over their years of bonding, her entire world collapsed witnessing his slow death and claiming jake sully the new olo'eyktan. his last words imprint in her mind for the remaining days and the bow he gifted her to live on.

she is desperate to know what her dreams meant for her family.

ingyen enters her slumber and what appeared her home but only hers. she recognized it by her and her son's bow inside the hut, she has no clue what was occuring but l rather feel the peace this dream had to offer.

the warm rays of sunlight wrapping her entire body around her blue body. the chirps of the creatures around her and the bristle sounds of plants and trees the animals roam in. her mind in a blank peaceful state that consumed her entire being. this is what it felt like before she was born.

before anything that destroyed everything.

seeing clearly what there's a regular home for one family. there were weapons lined up near the hut, next to it were prey hanging by it's legs ready to prepare to be eaten, tools scattered around and herbs, like a normal life of a family by their mess.

next thing ingyen saw in front of her is seykxel crafting a toy from scratch out of thin bark and thread along some paints he made to decorate it.

but for whom?

watching her son focused on the details and whenever he messed up, seykxel becomes frustrated and starts over to perfect it. his tongue sticking out and his eyes brows furrowed with his fingers shaking out the achiness. she quietly giggles at his adorable expressions that she didn't notice a hand placing around her shoulder and the other over her.. round stomach?

next thing she knows somebody rests their chin on her opposite shoulder and leans into her face, purring. for all she could do is flip him on his back with the arm on her shoulder and threaten on slitting his throat... instead leans her head, face flushed on their intimacy, against them to her surprise resting her hand on top of his on her swollen stomach.

there this euphoric sensation in her body that prevents her on guard. "seykxel begun on creating toys for the baby when they are not born yet. too excited for a new sibling. i told him whatever he did as much as he could was enough for the baby." she murmurs ears pinned against her head in her relaxed state.

"you know sweetheart, he always desired for a family and now that he has it, spider can't hold back on his brotherly instincts to care for them once they come," they peck light kisses her cheek continuing to rub her belly in circles, "if we want to give him the whole world then we gotta keep making babies after this one, yawne." ingyen playfully slaps at his foul mouth but her ears betray her twitching every time his words spew inappropriate stuff. he chuckles all kissing her some more going down her neck, "watch your foul mouth skxawng, our son is present and i rather you not explain what you mean."

"you weren't complaining before. i don't see an issue on breeding you again until we have a big family, my love," he presumes teasing her with his charisma laughing at the flushed state she displayed for him to cherish. caging her in his strong arms preventing her from leaving embarrassed while ingyen tells him how insufferable he is as a mate.

even when she couldn't see his face, her worries disappeared that maybe this is the man's capable of being a worthy mate and father for her two children.

refusing to give in, miles careful lifts her, her squeals grabbing the attention of the young boy finishing his first toy he constructed.

the boy saw how happy his mother showed and what he wanted became true. truly her smile and laugh radiating like a flower blooming in the beginning of it's first life. spider hopes whoever this man is, is the one for his mother and show he can become the father he wants.

they all dreamt the same dream.

a woman who lost everything continues on living for an orphaned boy born in between the wars of na'vi and sky people. a boy who wanted a family, a father, and his mother's husband who she'll love and he the same. a man lost in his dreams and identity, felt what was a burden.. a heavy weight but in the hand of eywa, he felt easiness in a long time that his soul torn in two place and mind corrupted by someone.

they all didn't want this to end but once they awake, it's back to their lives they were destined to be but their paths can clash any moment.

as soon as spider woke up, he changed the batteries of his exo-pack for a new day ahead he remembered the gift he was given. he got the bow from the wall of their hut, reshaped with his height and designed as the mighty warrior's colors, he is so going to flaunt it to lo'ak and kiri but another day, he didn't want to ruin his gift barely given to him.

admiring the bow sinks in of the efforts his mother put for him, she couldn't wait in giving it to him and thinking about his mother.

the dream.. she really looked happy and majority of it were her playing and be teased by this man.

sadly his vision wasn't precisely clear that he couldn't outline the man's face to recognize only the tattoo on his left arm of a bird but he knows is someone from the avatars that he saw five fingers and very short hair. some do have tattoos and don't. short hair?

thoughts were cut short when his mother stirred awake seeing her son up before her, a routine they've done for years. the perks of raising such a strong boy, seykxel in his first days being in the hut his sleeping pattern were odd when the scientist inform her that normally human babies were from hungriness, scared of a nightmare, or just wanted to feel their mother.

for seykxel, he made it into a game as he grew that whoever wakes up first would choose desert for later and activities to do to spend with each other.

but ever since the rda showed up, their family time were reduced to at least two to keep everyone safe. he didn't mind as long as they spent their time with one activity and enjoy their dinner and desert.

"sa'nok, i know what we should have for desert later. " spider crawls towards his mother as she stretches her limbs. ingyen sees her beautiful child's smile already has in mind what he wanted. his favorite dish and edible just by studying his physical structure.

she makes a curious face, pretending that she didn't know and spider holds her hands with a playful tug continuing to speak, "sa'nok! you already know, i woke up first so i choose what our desert for today."

"mawey seykxel i just was joking. i'll be with the hunting group to gather more food for the people so after that i'll look for cycad seeds." ingyen hums and he nods agreeing.

spider asked for her permission to go with lo'ak, kiri, and tuk on an adventure. she hesitates wanting to keep him at base because they don't know if the rda has a tactical plan on ground. at last she gives it to him only if he carries his throat comm in any case of emergency and she'll fly where he is at while attaching it on his neck and putting the ear piece in his right ear.

she wanted to ask him if he been dreaming something unfamiliar about a man again but rather save that conversation for dinner.

"remember if they ever ask of your name, go with spider always, i guess will guarantee your safety and i'll come for you always." his mom pecks his head tightly embracing his small frame, whispers a few prayers to eywa before sending him off. spider takes his old bow waving goodbye and a shout to see each other at dinner.

ingyen smiles refining to show frown in her face, hoping the safety of her child and the children of her sister's.

she gathers her stuff getting ready to join the hunt. today jake, neytiri, and neteyam are going on a search for any potential cargo near the mountains, this puts her at ease if her son ever contacts her.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

miles awakes with an intolerant headache starting the same dream showing a different time as if days passed but gets ready early to meet with the general frances ardmore, commander of the expeditionary force, on his and his squad's new mission as the first rda's recombinants.

upon his arrival, the majority of people working in bridgehead city were giving him stares or recognition by his rebirth that are and are not pleasant. he didn't mind at all only that his tasks to be completed.

seeing machines, weapons, and buildings made his heart and body churn but he didn't know why. his body becomes more adaptable on height, endurance, and a chance to doing this operation. the bonus of it is he can finally breath the pandora air.

everything has its own perks when he can't feel anything for human quaritch despite having his memories and personality. like a split identity crisis.

that explains his dreams suddenly disappearing in the middle of a heart warming moment to focus back on remembering his past self's wishes. his memories consist a major amount of hatred and spiked determination his navi body can barely handle.

awoken unfamiliar of the situation only to be brought back from the dead as the enemy but installed everything that made colonel miles quaritch he.

miles didn't see himself as that man. that's a problem for later.

he met the general of the operation to make pandora the new home for humanity since earth's dying year after year. over the year they've done more improvement on their technology and assembled buildings than the previous.

and that's where he and his team of recombinants come in to pacify the hostiles of jake sully's raids becoming bold and frequent of important cargo at outline sites.

given the information, miles inspects each video footage of their past raids being well executed on ground and air since he was an ex-marine back on earth which makes him all more dangerous for their mission.

seeing one video of two days before the navi taking down airships and taking any kind of weapon he thought of their base, "any intel of sully's base of operations."

general ardmore brings up a visual on hallelujah mountains where they can search through the caves but each time they send out a rogue their hardware spazzes and attack by banshees.

"colonel, we believe your blue team will be perceived as indigenous and will not trigger their immune response." miles quirks an eyebrow and his tails flicks curiously, "how might we test that hypothesis, general?"

she's continued, "the hard way." he smirks devilishly of her response, ready for this new mission, "outstanding. lyle, let's begin preparations and head out into the forest immediately. we got a traitor to find."

it was starting to become thrilling to set out in the forest to test if what was general's statement is proven true then it'll become easier to find a way to capture jake.

maybe it's the way his system was responding when he and his team are sent to test if their new selves pass through the eye of pandora.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

the kids were running wild on the vines connecting the rocks for path ways and cheering on their adventure where the battle took place. they know they aren't suppose to go near there without supervision or circumstance of curiosity but that didn't matter at the moment.

lo'ak lead the pack constantly urging his little sister keeping up with them and she repeats 'i'm coming' getting distracted again by the plants sticking to her hand.

"bro, why did you bring her anyway?" spider questioned his decision on bringing tuk through the depths of the woods.

"she's such a crybaby. she's all 'i'm telling. you're not suppose to go to battlefield. i'll tell mom if you don't let me come.'" he imitates her with a high pitched voice to them and in response tuk sticks her tongue out at him behind spider.

kiri defends her little sister, "don't pick on her. tuk's got a point when dad grounded you from the raid the other day and he finds out about today, your going to be in a deeper ditch you're digging yourself, lo'ak."

all kiri got in response is 'what our parents don't know, won't hurt them' is what lo'ak bluntly says that'll get them in serious trouble but there they are following where trouble takes them.

where trouble crosses their paths in the same forest.

the recombinants were flown out within the area where the battle took place and each of them take in pandora's view and beauty like it was there first time visiting.

miles's soul and mind were at ease flying above the wilderness, taking in what it offers him of her richness. his mind is blank. no.... human quaritch repeating his words over and over again like a broken record into testing his patience.

the airship lowered for the recoms to quickly get down and search their surrounding of any potential threat.

at the same time, spider didn't feel all too well. his head hurt a bit with minor ringing noise in his ears like prickly thorns stabbing inside. his breathing accelerating slowly and he didn't know the reason. his best guess is he didn't let his mother know where he'd be heading with the sully kids. to ease himself, he'll call in on his mom so it'd go away for a bit.

in the mean time, spider's going to prepare for a lecture later that'll earn him a mother signature, menacing glare.

then he noticed that kiri wasn't near them and went to search for her knowing she is probably doing that thing again where she lays down on the soft grass to listen what she describes as the sound of a heartbeat.

he called out for her multiple times in a regular tone in case of humans around. finally he spotted her doing it and asks if she were okay so she tells him about her repeated actions were a regular occurrence. their conversation was interrupted by lo'ak telling them to head home as quickly as possible.

making their way back lo'ak spots a fresh footprint in the mud, "this is way too big for a human."

"avatars?" spider suggests.

"maybe. they're for sure not ours." the second son decides on his instincts and follow where it lead to.

kiri asks what he was doing but lo'ak interrupted her by shushing her whether there's something up ahead that he was tracking.

...

the forest is a new environment for these recoms.

yes, they do have their memories of the people before them. it's just their rebirth opened something inside when entering pandora's environment. each ear twitch and tails swishing helped them discover more about themselves.

walking carefully watching every blind spot a navi and avatars can ambush them if they were near by, lead by miles pointing his gun slowly when all of them heard a twig snap.

they immediately pointed their weapons towards two small thanators curiously inspecting what were navi to them deciding to ignore them. miles saw how their expressions changed realizing their appearances that helped them confirm of passing as indigenous without triggering an immune response.

a few minutes pass where they're walking to anything they can find that'll be valuable to them as miles's head began to hurt and his vision a bit blurry. he shook it off to continue on his way when in sight is an abandoned lab with vines and busted windows.

he commands them to watch for potential threat and keep guard. miles stumbles on a destroyed amp suit that turned out to be human quaritch's suit from the battle years ago when he removed vines and dirt to seeing the name.

looking at the old suit in front of him, inside was his human skeleton. it gets him uneasy of the old quaritch's body left there meant nobody bothered in destroying anything. this is what he did to them. left all these years to rot after the suffering he inflicted everyone around him. chills ran up his spin as his tail stays still and ears pointing upwards with a frightened expression at the cause of death. two green arrows struck into his chest.

touching them felt awfully real that he never noticed his lack of breathing. truly this was his destiny's ending but now he's back wondering what'll be his next.

...

lo'ak peeks his head over the leaves signalling the others to keep quite while he walks closer quietly. in the distance were indeed avatars, several of them inspecting the old shack.

"we are never supposed to come here. dad is going to ground you, for life." kiri taunts her little brother reminding him what their dad has told him millions of times not to do.

lo'ak shushes her and turns to spider, "bro, we have to go check it out." spider follows him with the girls behind to get a closer look at what these avatars are doing.

the closer they sneak up on these strangers, the more spider's headache keep getting worse with his ears ringing nonstop.

they stop a few feet away from them watching as they are investigating, "bro that's where your dad and my dad fought."

lo'ak's ears perk interested on the topic, "and that's your dad's actual suit." spider curse in amazement of seeing it in person.

spider heard one of them asked another named lyle to find data on a dashcam. his voice, he heard it somewhere but his stupid head ache wasn't cooperating much.

"better call this in." "no bro, we're gonna get in trouble." spider pleads but lo'ak ignores him backing away before they're discovered. "you better call auntie ingyen because if she hears this from mom then you're deeper in this as i am." the sully boy insists about their situation in case things don't go as plan.

spider had no choice but to call on his mother.

"sa'nok. this is seykxel." he whispers waiting on her response.

"seykxel what is wrong? did anything happen? are you okay?" ingyen picks up immediately her voice sounded worried and hoarse from hunting, hearing that she made it home by the people talking in the background.

he bites his bottom lip wanting to lie but he can't when she been honest with him about his entire life.

"i'm okay just a little head ache. um.. we're at the old shack and we're seeing a bunch of avatars that aren't ours.." his mother interrupted by her gasp over the call, "seykxel you know you're not suppose to be there and now there are enemies near by. are the kids okay? have you called in jake?!"

she's panicking over the safety of her child and neytiri's children, ready to get her weapons and call for reinforcements of other navi and avatars to help her.

spider's headache keeps getting worse at the same time ingyen started hers earlier and now it was stronger.

what was going on?

"seykxel answer me!" she grunts at the point of breaking down when other overheard keeping her from going. at this point lo'ak already let his father their location and situation which he got an order to not bring any attention and get themselves out of there.

he signals everyone to follow him, spider struggled to get out his words, "we're getting out of here, lo'ak already got orders from him so we're abandoning the place."

he hears her desperate cries telling everyone to let her go get her child, "ma seykxel! oh great mother keep my child safe until i get there! let me go i need to save him! seykxel!" his heart and head hurt trying to calm her.

"momma you need to calm down-" before he could finish a tall avatar popped out of the plants grabbing ahold of tuk causing her to scream that ingyen overheard.

"seykxel! lo'ak! kiri! tuk! run!" her screams were cut off when spider pulls out his arrows aiming at more avatars coming out of hiding, aiming their guns.

the yelling alerted miles that his team found someone and their demanding orders to drop their weapons as he commanded who were with him to follow.

the children created a circle to watch each others back, spider hissing showing no fear in shooting his arrows at them and lo'ak influencs him into dropping his weapon like he did.

he hesitates not knowing what will happen next but he trusted lo'ak and did what he wanted. the recombinants grab each child pulling on their braids and shoulders waiting on their colonel's orders.

tuk was scared desperately wanting to be with her sister and kiri tells her to keep calm as spider's head ache grew worse until it stopped when their leader appeared at the situation.

miles inspects each child hostage. three were na'vi under the age of a teenager until it landed on a human child.

why a human child?

spider looks at the avatar feeling deep in his chest about him until his eyes landed on his tattoo. the same tattoo from...

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

ingyen kept pushing past everyone who was trying to keep her from going. norm, in his avatar, stood in front of her urging she stays until they get a call back but she tackles him pressing her knife on his neck, "my son and my sister's children are in danger when i could be on my way to rescue them!"

max ran toward the angry mother's threat at everyone and calm the situation, "ingyen, you should call in neytiri where they are. you don't know if there are more rda searching the forest. it is dangerous for any of us leave if they got the kids."

ingyen slowly turns her head in his direction with this killer look in her red eyes, breathing heavily that she hisses and gets off of norm.

immediately pressing in her throat com, "tsmuke. please tell me you are heading for the children. they're not letting me leave to get seykxel!"

neytiri is too worried to rescue hers that she didn't answer with tears forming in her eyes so jake decided to answer her.

"don't worry ingyen. we're rescuing those kids and be back as soon as possible. i promise seykxel will be brought back to you " jake swears to her hearing her cries.

"please jake i'm begging you to bring my son home, i don't know what i'll do without him." ingyen pleads one last time before ending the call and goes into her hut to be alone for the moment.

she prays the great mother for this rescue mission to be successful and bring the children safely home and be reunited again.

ingyen grabs the bow she gifted seykxel and holds it dearly near her heart remembering the memories they have until he comes through their hut and hugs her.

a mother's love is undeniably strong.

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@skinmittensgoblin @eternallyvenus @winxschester @perseny @cleverzonkwombatsludge @reallysparklychaos @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @liyahsocorro @violet-19999 @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed

#miles quaritch #colonel miles quaritch #colonel quaritch #quaritch x oc #na'vi quaritch #recom quaritch #avatar quaritch #spider soccoro #spider avatar #navi oc #avatar #avatar 2009 #avatar 2022 #quaritch avatar #quaritch smut #atwow quaritch #avatar angst #angst #romance #slow burn #avatar smut #omatikaya #pandora #eywa #blog post #miles quaritch x reader #miles quaritch x oc

[m-u-g-i]

I'm Sorry, Beautiful

Pro-Hero Shinsou x Quirkless Chubby Fem Reader

| Masterlist |

Genre: Angst to Fluff

Summary: Being married to the amazing mind-controlling hero, you've been receiving vulgar comments due to your size and the fact with you being quirkless. Therefore, your mental health began to disintegrate and your physical health wasn't too far behind. Being ignorant of your health, your husband comes home after having a horrible day at work, unleashing his emotion into you, not realizing the kind of result that would occur later.

NOTE: The following consists of vulgar language, potential harm, emotional and verbal abuse, mental health problems, and medical acknowledgment. Please keep in mind there is no expertise in any medical events and the circumstances taking place are pure fiction for entertainment purposes. The author will hold no liability of offense, so please feel free to exit if you're sensitive to any of the said topics.

Y/N P.O.V.

"Why of all people did he get with that fat chick?"

"Useless little twerp"

"He deserved better"

"At least have a quirk, you stupid cow"

These are just the "nicer" comments and messages I've received today.

~~~~~~~~~~

With my husband being the one and only Hitoshi Shinsou, it came to no surprise to see everyone murmuring about our marriage. Majority of the time, the gossip consisted of insults and judgmental statements made by his fans toward my weight or quirklessness.

And well, they were right.

I mean, Shinsou became part of the top 10 heroes, adored by the entirety of Japan, and the man's definitely one of the most attractive beings anyone could lay their eyes on. Plus, being an alumni of the infamous UA Academy, one of the most prestigious schools in producing a few of the first class heroes, his credibility increased rapidly. Someone of my stature would have been the last thing society would have thought to be his spouse.

What about me?

While being a quirkless yet simple woman who wanted to live a simple life away with from spotlight, I've aspired to become a music teacher. Growing up, constant degradation and bullying had me develop a concerning immunity from it and despite it all, my work ethic played as a distraction to push myself forward.

The original plan was to graduate high school, rent out an apartment, attend college, major in music and teaching and earn my Bachelor's Degree to become a music teacher, yet things quickly took a drastic turn.

First meeting at his favorite cat café, I was fresh out of high school, working to save up for college while he continued his training to gain his legitimate Hero's License. Being a regular at the café, it piqued his interest seeing a new employee and never did he think he'd gush over something other than kittens or a good cup of coffee.

With every good and bad day at training, when he wanted to de-stress at the café, I would be there, always working overtime and there have been numerous occasions when we were alone in the café and making comfortable conversations about each other's interests, hobbies, daily lives, friends, families, so on and so forth. Though completely petrified of his possible reaction, I decided to reveal my quirklessness. Instead of being disgusted, he simply smiled and embraced me, grateful I was able to confess such a secret to him.

From them on, our relationship became quite tight and proceeded years later. Right then, he finally earned his Hero License with me becoming his first and Number 1 supporter of his soon-to-be successful career.

Even after a while of tiresome days and gruesome villains, he told me the ability to muster up the courage ask me to become his girlfriend had to be the most difficult task he had fulfilled. I had become so eager to decline, afraid of the possible disappointment I'd cause him because of my size or quirklessness, however, he was quick to reassure my doubts, stating how my physical being does not affect the emotions he feels when being around me.

As he began to climb the charts, he had become more busy with patrols, meetings, fan greetings, villains, and so on. His face became known to the public eye incredibly quick, so it didn't take long for people to discover our marriage. Though he was ecstatic of the life he had achieved, I felt alone and insecure with my thoughts and those brutal statements being sent to me. Already being at the breaking point, who knows how long it'd take for me to shatter.

Though I was hesitant, I accepted his offer with our marriage being an end result. Moving in together, our financial status had been considerably stable considering my husband's occupation and by the coercion of said man, I have resigned from my job and been able to attend college.

Key word: coercion, not consensual.

Afraid to argue or anger--and with 2 months of convincing--I let him do what he wanted.

Life was amazing. Well, at least for him.

Author P.O.V.

Today is your birthday and every year on your birthday, you both would bake and decorate a cake of your choice before going out to the arcade to hang, the mall to shop or wherever you felt like going. Later, you both get something to eat and then, finish the day with a night stroll in the park with the cherry blossoms decorating nearly all the trees in the area. Cherry blossoms have always been your favorite flowers and well, your beloved husband always kept that locked in his mind.

Due to drowning yourself in work, it had been a week or so since your last genuine meal, yet you were ready to discuss matters with Shinsou and hopefully, have an amazing time with your spouse. Although, he hasn't been picking up your calls or answering your texts. With it already past 5 pm, the usual time he'd return home, he wasn't there, so with a melancholic heart, you began to bake a simple vanilla cake and decorated it with pure white frosting and coconut shavings. You then topped it with red lettering stating "Happy Birthday" before refrigerating it. Finally finished at 6:45pm, you waited a bit longer until your beloved husband returned.

You waited....

And waited....

And waited....

But, nothing.

The clock struck 8 pm and with a disappointed sigh and tears threatening to fall from your eyes, you decided to whip up Shinsou's favorite, fried rice with beef.

'Maybe he's busy. The least I can do is make him a homemade meal' you contemplated, attempting to remain optimistic.

After an hour or so, you set up only his plate, ready to dine, but you decided to wait once more, in case the man of violet locks came back to your humble abode. Yet, your hopes were left in vain as 2 more hours passed.

Tears finally escaping, you've given up on being patient for your lover and decided to contain your husband's plate in plastic wrap, placing it next to your cake in the refrigerator. Almost striking 11pm, your front door flew open as the man you've long awaited for finally arrived with his boots dragging and stomping with every step. Wiping away your tears, you gleefully forget your recent sorrow.

"Toshi!"

You run into his arms, only for him to weakly push you away, obviously exhausted.

Confused and concerned, you make eye contact with Shinsou, noticing the sticky sweat dripping from his forehead, dirt and debris decorating his face and costume, his eye bags in a darker shade, the slump in his posture, and just over all burnt out. Understanding of his condition, you remained silent of the special occasion and decided to tend to your beloved husband. Well, at least try.

"W-Welcome back, love. How was w--?"

He held up his hand in motion to silence you, to which you obliged.

"Not right now, Y/N. It's been a long day and I just want to sleep."

"Well, I-I made dinner. It's your favorite. You should eat before you sle--"

"No, Y/N. Again, I've had a long day and I just want. To. Sleep," he clarifies in a much rougher tone. Refusing to allow your husband to starve, you grab his plate and place it in his hands.

"I understand, babe. B-But, it's late and I don't want to go to bed without a proper mea--"

He then throws the plate to ground, completely shattering the dish and wasting the very delicacy you've worked so hard in making for him. You jumped and almost sobbed at the action.

"SHUT UP, Y/N!" He exclaims, anger visibly breaking his patience.

You flinch at the sudden burst.

"WHAT BY 'I JUST WANT TO SLEEP' DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!"

"T-Toshi, I just wanted t-"

"I'VE HAD TO WORK ALMOST 6 MORE HOURS BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID VILLAIN WHO WANTED TO RAMPAGE THE AGENCY BUILDING!! NOW, MY SIDEKICKS ARE HAVING A PAY-CUT TO PAY FOR DAMAGES AND MY OFFICE IS F***ING DESTROYED!! THE LAST THING I NEEDED TODAY WAS TO COME HOME TO YOUR FAT*SS TALKING ABOUT FOOD!!"

"I pay our bills, I give you a nice house to live in, provided you with all the designer clothing and accessories women would envy for, and most of all, I made you my wife! I made a quirkless, fat chick my wife. Out of so many better options, I chose you, yet you can't fulfill a simple wish of leaving me alone?! Now, you can either shut up and let me go or I can kick you out right now and you can find some other hero to whore off to! What is it going to be?!"

You remained silent.

"That's what I thought," he remarked before storming off. However, he mumbled under his breath, not realizing you could hear the very words that would soon crush your spirit.

"Useless fat*ss. Why did I marry such a fat bitch?"

As if it were glass, you could hear and feel the core of your heart shatter as your eyes dulled blankly with tears streaming similarly to rivers. The excruciating pain numbed your entire being as you knelt in weakness and cleaned the shards of glass and the dirty food, not attentive on the various cuts and wounds on your knees, palms and feet. The amount of redness escaping your body would've made the kitchen resemble a crime scene, so you made sure to tend to those wounds before clearing out the entire kitchen, leaving it absolutely spotless.

You brought out the cake, placed the candles on top and lit them before singing 'Happy Birthday' with a weak, cracked voice, unable to contain the emotions conjuring inside you.

"Happy Birthday to me," you whispered. Wiping your tears and taking a deep breath, you blew out your candies before you got up, carefully, feeling the stinging from your feet and hands as you carrying the slightly heavy cake back in the refrigerator.

'Guess I'll sleep in my office today' you thought before finding clothing that would hide your wounds.

Time Skip

With almost a week passing since the incident, Shinsou had been way too busy and exhausted to truly process everything that had occurred and had been currently taking place.

He doesn't realize that you've gone almost 2 weeks straight without proper nutrition, leaving you in and out of consciousness constantly.

He doesn't realize you've been drowning yourself in work, a toxic habit you've picked up in high school when you're overly emotional.

He doesn't realize your wounds haven't been properly treated by the necessary medical attention you needed and have been infected, yet you kept them under thick wraps.

He doesn't realize his wife hadn't been at her actual work office in a week, concerning her boss and co-workers.

He doesn't realize his wife is literally physically, emotionally and mentally destroyed and is on her last thread.

In the meantime, he's simply trying to get things over with at his agency.

Today, he's patrolling along with Number 1 Hero, Deku, and his old friend, Chargebolt. All three specializing in speed and long-distance attacks. As they made their way around the city, they began to catch up with each other, being the fact they were close back in high school. Turns out, despite being much older with families and spouses of their own, their personalities haven't changed much.

Everyone knew about Shinsou's agency building, so the electric blonde tried to crack a few jokes to lighten his mood, though it didn't really do much work.

"Get it? 'Cus he made his own lunch," Denki laughed.

"Uhh, Kaminari? Are you okay?" Deku asked, slightly concerned with a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah, why?"

"Dude, you literally made a joke of 3 students committing suicide because their moms made the wrong lunch again, twice," Shinsou added.

"But, the last guy made his own! That's the joke!" Denki whines, seeing his friends refusing to laugh. The other two look at each other, chuckling.

"Glad to see you still the same, Kaminari," Shinsou commented.

Denki remained pouty, but had a cracked smile at the comment. As they strolled throughout the tops of the buildings, Deku grabs their attention with a little 'oh'.

"Hey, Shinsou. I've been meaning to ask, where did you and Y/N go this week? Since you guys probably had to cancel things that day," the green-haired asked. Confused, the purple haired man just shrugged.

"Uhh, we didn't go anywhere. We stayed home this past week."

"Aww, so it was a domestic date? Did you guys still go to the park to see cherry blossoms?" Denki added.

"Cherry blossoms? No, we only go when it's her bir--"

The violet head's eyes widened almost triple the size of his normal sleepy expression.

"Wait, what's the date today?!"

Deku pulled out the date on his phone, only to have the purple haired man's heart drop to his stomach. Cursing under his breath, the man disappeared, ignoring the two males calling out for him in worry. The only thing on his mind was getting to you immediately. Swinging through the city buildings, he spotted his parked Mercedes and without hesitation, he grabbed his keys from his pockets and swung into his car, completely speeding to The 2Y Corporation, the supporting business building to which you worked at.

Disregarding the various honks and curses given to him on the road, his desperation of apologizing and compensating blinded his mannerism and decency. Finally arriving at your workplace, he sprinted to your office, ignoring the desk receptionists yelling at him to stop. The man booked it up the stairs, though it was illogical knowing your office is at the 17th floor of a 20-floor building. Once reaching your office, he swings the door open and sees you're not there. Worried, he looks around, hoping you were getting files or using the bathroom. Gaining the attention of everyone near your office, a voice called out to him.

"Shinsou?"

He turns to find Momo Yaoyorozu, another old classmate and your boss. The woman stands there, worried, seeing the dismay in your husband's expression and his lack of breath, giving her the indication he probably took the stairs.

"Yaoyorozu! Have you seen--?"

"Your wife? I've been wanting to ask you that. She hasn't been at work this past week."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah," she responds. "Y/N was calling in sick, but she said she'd be doing the work at home. I told her to rest to better herself, but you know how stubborn she can be."

Guilt ingesting him further, he bows to the woman, thanking her and dashed out the building faster than when he entered. On the road once more, he pulled a Dom Toretto in the streets wanting to see the lovely figure of his wife. He was making sharp turns in the urban neighborhood to which your shared house was located. Pulling up in the driveway of the house, the man sprinted into the house, going straight for the bedroom. Greeted with emptiness, he goes into your office. Emptiness once more. However, the scent of coffee and the unorganized mess of files and folders flooded your desk.

Hearing the bathroom toilet flush, he hid in the shared bedroom behind the door, peeping to see you come out the bathroom. The sight that came out of the said room, oh, did this man's world come crumbling down.

You had vomit decorating your lips as you struggled to even stand, let alone exit the bathroom.

Your skin had become pale, emphasizing the dark eye bags under your eyes, which seemed to be much darker than his.

Your muscles had depleted into a sickly figure, leaving your posture slumped and your body looking frail.

Your hands, knees and feet where thickly wrapped, yet he can see red and bits of yellow seeping through the white bandages.

With every step you took, you limped, trembled and winced, struggling to even get to your office.

His heart shattered at the sight as he wanted to scoop you up, bridal style, and care to your every need. However, he needed to compensate for his wrong doings before you can even allow him to be near you, let alone touch you. Once you finally entered your office and closed the door, an idea popped in his head.

Cake.

'I'll make her a cake and sing 'Happy Birthday' and we can talk things out,' he thought to himself. Trying to remain optimistic, he stealthily left the shared bedroom.

Quietly yet quickly, Shinsou went into the kitchen to ready the ingredients and supplies. Going for the butter and eggs first, he opens the refrigerator, only to be greeted by an already-made cake, not even touched. There were used candles on the cake with the tips burnt out and the wax slightly melted. Rethinking of the past week, there haven't been visitors at the house and he knew you wouldn't invite anyone without letting him know first. Checking his texts, you didn't say anything about anyone coming over so, the only explanations he could think of was you either invited a friend over and forgot to tell him or....

....you lit them yourself and celebrated alone.

Your husband prayed it wasn't the latter, but that didn't refrain the regret and guilt from further consuming him. Tears finally fell down his beautiful lavender eyes as Shinsou decided to man up and just talk to you, straight up. Though he paused in front of your office door, hesitant to enter, Shinsou silently opened the door to keep you unaware of his presence, to which he succeeded in.

You remained embraced by the numerous sheets and folders on your desk as your head motioned up and down from the files to your computer screen in a constant movement. Opening his mouth to say something, he was interrupted by the constant flashing of your phone as it was blowing up on the stand behind you, yet it was on silent. Seeing you distracted with your work, he took the opportunity to look through your phone. It never had a password since you both agreed to never keep secrets and you've always hated the fact that he often forgets your password.

Sliding to unlock, he sees various messages and DM's from anonymous and identified people. Scrolling through, he sees a variation of death threats, insults of your quirklessness, and body comparisons of yours with other Heroes, calling you 'fat' and 'ugly'. Shinsou sees that many of these comments and texts date back to 3 months and the most agonizing part....

.....it's shown that you read ALL of them.

Anger clouded his head as tears continued to flow down his handsome face. Unable to withstand such emotions, he turns your chair around, causing you to yelp. Though slower than usual, you processed his presence, causing your eyes to widen.

"Toshi? Why are yo--?"

Without letting you finish your question, he shows you your phone, causing shame to overtake you almost immediately.

"I can e-explai--"

Suddenly, he fell to his knees and hugged your waist, sobbing into your lap, but making sure he wasn't hurting you, especially your knees. Still in an emotional wreck yourself, it didn't take much for you break down as well.

"You were b-busy and I didn't want to bother you," you cried.

"Why d-didn't you tell me? You were holding up with this this whole time?!" He cried.

Looking up at your tear-soaked face, he caressed your cheeks with such gentleness and grace, as if you were fragile to touch.

"No. I don't care. If it involves you getting hurt by random people, shove the phone in my face, understood? I c-can't ha--"

He chokes on his tears as he takes a deep breath to recollect himself.

"I can't have you enduring all of that hatred alone. Especially, as your husband."

The lavender head strokes your cheek, shocked feeling more bone than normal fat.

"Baby, look at you. You're exhausted. Have you been eating?"

Through your sobs and sniffles, you shook your head 'no'.

"Wha-- Babe! Why not?! Have you at least been getting proper rest?!"

You shook your head once more.

"I-I'm sorry, Toshi."

From your point of view, you could see the very soul inside of your husband just wither. That alone made you break as you couldn't hold in the pain you felt inside, resulting into hard and louder sobs. Recalling that night where it was designated for your special day, your husband trembles in regret as he probably turned the special occasion into the worst birthday given to his beloved wife. Shinsou wipes your tears as they began to fall frequently.

"Toshi, it's fi--"

"My love, what have I done to you?" He stated, as his voice cracked.

"I am so, so, so sorry, beautiful. I've insulted you, I've degraded you, I've blamed you for something that you had no control over, I've taken your kind heart for granted, and most of all, I left you alone on your special day."

"Don't you dare tell me that 'it's fine'! It's not, Y/N! You know that!"

With such a broken smile, you hold his face in your bandaged hands, kissing his lips, nose and forehead before connecting your forehead with his.

"It's okay, Toshi. I'm okay. I just missed you, is all, okay? I'm sorry for troubling you."

Sobbing in your hands, he shook his head, refusing to believe the words that came from your mouth.

You paused as you diverted your eyes away from the man in front of you, refusing to answer. He, however, caressed your cheek, guiding your attention to go back to him and remain on him.

"No, baby. Stop apologizing. I am the sorry one. I became one of those monsters online. I was inconsiderate of you. And look," he states, placing your bandaged hands in his while looking at your knees and feet as well.

"I left you alone to deal with these injuries alone. I don't even know how you got them. Baby, tell me the truth. What caused these?"

"Darling, please don't ignore me yet. You can after this, but please. I-I can't see you wrapped up and not know what happened to my wife. Please, love."

Looking down, you exposed the truth about the plate as you hated to see your husband in such a state. As much as he hurt you, you couldn't bring yourself to hurt him back. All you wanted was to make up and go back to how things were back then. But you knew it was going to take a bit of time for things to genuinely heal and go back to normal.

Hearing the truth had Shinsou's sorrow turned to self-loathing.

'What the hell is wrong with me? I did that to her? For what?!'

Frustrated, he bit his lip and looked at up at you as he remained on his knees.

"Hit me."

Shocked, you made eye contact with him to reassure yourself if you've heard that correctly. Unfortunately, you did.

"W-What?"

"You heard me, hit me," he repeated.

"Why would I--?"

"I hurt you, I angered you, I neglected you, I did all this stupid sh*t to you and you still apologize to me, when it wasn't your fault to begin with! Baby, please hit me. I can't withstand pulling such stunts on you without being punished!"

"I-I...I can't, Toshi. I don't want to."

"How else can I compensate, Y/N?! I....I don't want to leave unpunished," he begs.

You kiss his forehead once more.

"You have already apologized, my love. Plus, you've come back to me and you finally let me in your arms again. Baby, you've compensated enough already."

"No, it's not enough," he remarks. He looked around in slight anger before standing.

Shutting off your computer and filing away your worksheets and folders, he then picks you up and takes you straight to the car outside. He almost sobs again, feeling that you're weight dropped significantly. You're much lighter than he remembered.

"P-Put me down, Toshi! Where are we going?"

Without answering your question, he places you gently in the passenger seat before carefully buckling you up and entering through the driver's side.

"Toshi, what are you doing?"

"We're going to the hospital. We're getting those wounds treated. They're infected and the pus is seeping through. After, we're going to eat at your favorite restaurant and you're going to eat everything you order, understood?" He orders.

Feeling the dominance radiating off of him, you nodded in silence.

"Good, now, hand," he commands. Giving him one of your bandaged hands, he holds it gently and gives loving pecks on the bandages. "From now, I'm going to keep track of how much you eat and how long you work. I do not want history to repeat itself."

Almost as fast as when he came back home, your lover sped to the nearest hospital to get you the necessary medical attention and a check-up of your overall health. Once arriving to the hospital, Shinsou discussed matters with the desk receptionists and was able to get a doctor within the next hour to get you treated and checked up.

You were placed to stay at the hospital for about 2 days, so the doctors would be able to keep track of your condition and though it was an uncomfortable and awkward situation for you, Shinsou refused to leave your side. He informed his agency of the current situation and with understanding hearts, they kept the agency going like normal. You, of course, opposed the idea, but Shinsou can be just as stubborn, especially if it involves your well-being. The man will move into the hospital if it meant being there for his wife; there's just no changing his mind.

After numerous tests, stitches, bandages and medicinal treatments, the doctor was able to confirm your condition as malnourished. The lack of nutrition and proper rest resulted into the infection in your wounds, yet fortunately, you were "healthy enough" get the treatment right in time. Any later would've resulted into decapitation of all your limbs or permanent paralysis.

Once you were finally able to leave, the doctor prescribed medication for your hunger and sleep and ordered you to take 2 weeks off to recover properly, mainly with rest and genuine meals. Almost as if the doctor was talking to him, Shinsou did everything you were ordered to do. He called off from work for 2 weeks to tend to you, he made sure to give you light and decent meals (heavy meals from the get-go may take a negative toll during the recovery) before evolving into slightly heavier dishes, he made sure you took your medicine everyday and he always cleaned your stitches before bandaging them up again.

You always felt helpless when your husband literally did everything himself, feeling guilty at the amount of labor he did just to make sure you were okay. The house chores, the medical treatment, bathing, changing clothes, feeding you; you felt similar to an infant being cared by their parent and you've tried doing things yourself (showering, changing, cleaning, etc.), but Shinsou would constantly catch you and scold you to rest before assisting you or doing them himself.

Eventually, you gave in and decided to enjoy the attention you got from your beloved.

Right now, you're both cuddling in the bedroom, watching anime on Netflix with your husband cuddled next you as if he were a toddler laughing unto his mother. You played with his wet hair since he finished showering after doing his usual routine of caring for you. Kissing his forehead, he looked up to you with eyes round and soft, love literally pouring out from them. You smiled at the man before you.

"Thank you, my love. You worked so hard to take care of me," you almost whispered with a smile. Reciprocating with a smile himself, he kissed your lips.

"It's the least I can do for acting like such a horrible husband."

You were about to defend him, but he quickly placed his finger on your lips.

"Don't try to defend my case. Exhausted or not, long day or not, that's no excuse to lash one's anger and frustration out onto their partner. I have no excuse, bub. I have so much to make up for and I swear this isn't a sliver of it."

He towers over you as you lay beneath him.

"I'm going to spoil my beautiful, curvaceous, thick goddess rotten. I don't care what those bastards think about us, but no one ever insults the very beauty I eloped with," he seductively whispers as he gently runs his fingers on your cheeks and arms. He takes your bandaged hand and places a gentle kiss on it, displaying the passion radiating off the man above you.

"That includes the beauty herself."

Looking at you attentively and intensely, he kissed your lips lovingly and he joined his forehead with yours.

"Don't underestimate the amount of ravishing gorgeousness contained in this masterpiece of a body you have, my love. If I ever do again, God forbid, slap me back into consciousness. I am a man who is undeserving of such a woman, so put me back in my place if I ever degrade it agai-- mmph!"

You interrupt my smashing your lips with his. Though caught off guard, he melts into the contact as he sigh in content. Momentarily, you pulled away with adoration sparkling in your beautiful eyes.

"Don't EVER say that about my husband again. If I'm not allowed to degrade myself of anything, that rule applies to you as well. We're married, Toshi. Therefore, we're now one whole. If one is not allowed to belittle their existence and being, the other shouldn't as well. We're going to argue, we're going to make mistakes, things will get rocky, but if we talk it out and not let our intrusive thoughts win..."

You peck his lips once more.

"...we'll be fine."

Smiling in complete relief, both of you embraced each other, happy that things are beginning to heal.

"Thank you, my love. I love you, bubs."

"I love you more, my Toshi. You still need to fulfill your promise of taking me to my favorite restaurant though."

You both laugh in unison as you shared one last kiss.

"I will, darling. I'm sorry, beautiful."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed!

Good night, my loves ❤

#anime and manga #boku no hero academia #bnha fanfiction #bnha x chubby reader #bnha x reader #my hero academia shinsou #shinsou fluff #shinsou angst #mha hitoshi #mha fanfiction #mha shinso hitoshi #mha shinsou #mha shinso x reader

[fractiflos]

Hey for the ask thing, got any general headcanons on En?

SO MANY! I put 20 the last time I answered a question like this, but then I remembered I forgot to expand on some of my reasons. So, I'll do that and give some new headcanons too.

Because there is no "6" in his name anywhere, I give him everything in sixes. Like making him the youngest of six children. Having six different jackets in six different colors. His favorite book series has six books. His favorite TV brand is Roku. Anywhere I can put a six in, I do, for no reason other than spite. (Which is why I like to headcanon him as a little spiteful too. I'd be spited if everyone else got a number pun but me. Maybe he, Kudou, and Bruce can make a club if the latter two don't get number pun names later)

Wearing that thick jacket over his mouth, he's either always really cold or constantly overheating. I went with the latter so he likes to eat ice cream, even in the winter.

I like to think he uses a bunch of ninja style weapons and stuff (and fans, like the ones Midnight had). But I once had a dream where he was hammering something down, slipped and hurt his thumb. Banjo laughed at him and he started threatening to bash his head in with the hammer. Ever since then, I haven't been able to get the idea of En with a hammer out of my head, so along with ninja stars and smoke bombs, that's what he uses.

He's also a fan of Naruto.

I like to think he likes reptiles because he's afraid of bugs and they eat bugs. And I don't blame him after seeing the type of bugs Japan has. Never googling that again.

Since Tayutai apparently means something along the lines of shaking, he tends to tremble when he's nervous. And also enjoys milkshakes.

Even when he's not in costume he always has something covering his face.

He really likes the cold. Partly due to that thick jacket but also because he just likes it.

There was a time in his life where he tried those really thick soled shoes for extra height but didn't change anything else about his style (which is just your regular pants and long-sleeved shirt). He stopped wearing those after a kid told him he looked like a boring, sad clown.

I can't believe I forgot the very obvious one that I still want to state. Smoke pours out of his ears when he gets angry. BUT! Depending on the emotion, smoke pours out elsewhere. Like it comes out of his eyes when he's sad (which makes him cry if he's not crying already) and from the top of his head if he's overwhelmed/tired.

I like to think the default smoke color is purple, but if he happens to eat a lot of things of one color, it'll come out that color. Like if he ate a lot of kiwis his smoke would turn green.

And that's it for this list since the last one had so many.

#middle may ask game #en tayutai #man I gotta edit so many posts now

[slippinmickeys]

More North of Zero

Joy rolled over in the bed feeling expansive and slow, pendulous as an oversized bell. It was bright outside their window, sun dappled light flickering through the dusty pane. She ran her hand along the rumpled sheets, stretched. The spot next to her in the bed was cold; William must have gotten up hours ago.

She was contemplating going back to sleep when there was a light knock on the door. She looked up to see Scully poking her head through the doorway, a soft smile on her face.

“Good morning,” the older woman said gently. Her hair, having taken on the faded peachy blond of an aging redhead, was swept up into a loose mass on the top of her head, held back by a bright red bandanna.

“Morning,” yawned Joy, pushing herself up to lean against the headboard. “The boys at the new house?”

“They were at it early,” Scully said, pushing her way through the door. In her hands she was carrying a mug of steaming tisane, which Joy received gratefully. “How are you feeling?”

“Mm,” hummed Joy, taking a sip of the hot drink. “Good, I think. My hips hurt. But that’s nothing new.”

Scully lowered herself to sit on the edge of the bed. “I remember that well,” she smiled. “Everything is moving around. You up for an exam today?” She went on. “It’s been a few weeks.”

“No time like the present,” Joy said, hiking up the sweep of her nightgown. At this point she was so used to Scully’s poking and prodding that she barely gave it any thought. That said, Scully always opted for the cervical exam right off the bat, just to get the awkward part over first.

It lasted only a few moments. Scully leaned back from her and peeled off the nitrile glove, a large box of which Mulder had liberated from Zero the last time they’d visited.

“Dilated?” Joy asked, feeling a little nervous. She was well into her third trimester now, and nervous about nearly every aspect of their impending blessing. Scully had been as good to her as she imagined her mother would have been—better, in fact, as she was a doctor—walking Joy through everything she’d be going through, from the scientific to the emotional. She was, Joy had to admit, a fantastic mother-in-law.

“Not yet,” Scully said with a smile, reaching down to pull an old cloth measuring tape out of the pocket of her oversized sweater. “But please let me know if you lose your mucus plug, okay?”

Joy nodded. She lifted up her back so that Scully could get the tape measure around her middle. The older woman smiled at her after a moment’s measurement.

“Coming along nicely,” she said. Joy exhaled. She tried to imagine life before the aliens had come. Regular exams in a medical practice, blood tests, technology. All the things that could put a worried mind at ease. She could have that, though, she thought. If they went back to Zero, they could have that. It was her and William’s choice to have a baby the backcountry way. It had been their decision.

As if sensing her train of thought, Scully, now feeling her way around the tight drum of Joy’s abdomen, said: “Have you given any more thought to heading back to Zero?”

Joy thought she could sense a little tension in her voice, and Scully, who was still prodding at Joy’s stomach with warm, gentle hands, had a small chevron of worry on her brow.

“Is everything all right?” Joy asked, trying to keep her own worries at bay.

Scully’s face relaxed and she smiled at her.

“Perfectly normal for this stage of pregnancy,” she said, leaning back. “Amongst some of my other, previously stated concerns,” she went on, not belaboring a point. “I can speak as a woman who gave birth without an epidural. If you can avoid having to do that, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that you should.”

The thought had crossed her mind more than once. She reached down and rubbed her hand over her belly, trying to remind herself about all the reasons they’d made the decisions they had. The baby chose that moment to press a foot to the confines of its current home, and Joy and Scully both laughed as the skin of Joy’s stomach rolled.

Joy felt a protective surge of love.

“We’re going to stick with our plan,” she said, and took a deep, steadying breath.

XxXxXxXxXxX

“Hey,” Mulder said, ducking into the kitchen of the cabin. The air outside was getting colder, and a gust of it had blown in, pushing against Scully’s back before he closed the door behind him.

“Hey,” she called back over her shoulder. She was stirring a pot of venison chili over the stove, its warm, bubbling spice swirling in the air around her face.

Behind her, Mulder toed off his boots and shucked off the husk of his coat, turning to hang it on the rack by the door. A moment later he came up behind her and leaned in to kiss her neck, carrying the smell of sawdust and fresh air.

“Smells good,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning over her shoulder to let the steam purl into his face.

“So do you,” Scully said, tapping the spoon clean and turning in his arms.

He loosened his grip on her only enough to let her complete the turn before pulling her to him and leaning in to press his lips to hers. She let him give her a few lingering kisses before she leaned back a little to catch his eye.

“How is it going over there?” she asked.

He twisted his neck until it popped, still holding her.

“Will’s determined to get the roof finished before the first snow,” he said, wincing. “Or he’s going to kill us both trying.”

William and Mulder had been busy building a little cabin in the lot next to Mulder and Scully’s ever since he and Joy had discovered they were expecting their first child. Will had been working like a man possessed, and Mulder had thrown in his lot and helped his son as much as he could, much to the detriment of the family’s meat stores.

Scully frowned at the expression.

“I don’t like the idea of you up on that roof,” she said, “at your age.”

Mulder gave her a look and disengaged his arms from around her person.

“I don’t particularly love it myself,” he said, leaning down to place a quick peck to the end of her nose. “Nor do I love you casting aspersions on my virility. And though Will can use his powers to lift the trusses and hold them in place, he still needs someone up there to hammer in the damn nails.”

Mulder gave her nose one more kiss before making his way to the sink and washing his hands.

Scully walked up behind him. It was her turn to wrap her arms around his middle.

“I would never cast aspersions on your virility,” she said, gently bumping her hips into his backside while he toweled off his wet hands. “But your balance isn’t what it once was, and I don’t want you falling and breaking your back.”

Mulder squeezed her arms where they met around his belly, the skin of his hands still damp.

“Relax, Scully,” he said. “I’m still a rugged outdoorsman. Fit as a fiddle. Plus, there’s a doctor living right next door. And two super-powered healers at my beck and call.”

Scully made a derisive sound and released her grip on him.

“Will and Joy can heal wounds and mend bones, Mulder,” she said, crossing her arms and looking at him frankly. “But their powers don’t extend to restoring the power to walk to the paralyzed. And neither do mine.”

Mulder’s face softened and he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder.

“I’ll be careful,” he said gently.

“See that you do.”

He squeezed her and she decided that was enough scolding for one day.

“Will still next door?” she asked.

Mulder nodded. “He had a few things he wanted to get done. Where’s Joy?”

“Napping,” Scully answered, crossing her arms to lean against the countertop.

“How did today go?” Mulder asked. There was a hedging quality to his voice; he knew her too well, knew she was worried about something.

“The baby hasn’t turned yet,” she said, sighing.

Mulder nodded sagely and lowered himself into one of the kitchen chairs.

“There’s still time though, right?”

“Yes,” she answered. “There’s still time.”

“And even if there isn’t,” he went on. “Couldn’t one of them… I don’t know… help?”

It was something Scully had thought about herself. Being that the baby and the womb were already inclined to want the baby to move head-down when gestation was nearing an end, it wasn’t outside the realm of their potential that either William or Joy herself could help move things in the right direction if necessary.

“Possibly,” Scully said, then finally gave voice to a worry she’d been experiencing for some time. “But… I’ve been thinking. Maybe it isn’t such a bad idea for us to head back to Zero for the birth.”

Mulder’s eyes went a little round.

“Even though they’re both adamantly against it?”

Both kids (she couldn’t really call them kids anymore, but it was a hard habit to break), had been against the idea from the start. They worried their child might be a target of some kind, wanted for its admittedly incredible potential. A feeling Scully remembered all too well. The family—all of them—trusted the people of Zero, had fought beside them—but kooks, religious and otherwise, were still out there, even if the aliens who had roused their ire were not.

Joy and Will wanted Scully to deliver her grandchild, and they didn’t want anyone to know about the baby until well after it was born. Scully didn’t blame them and she had respected their wishes. But all the things that could go wrong during a birth were running on a continuous loop through her mind, and many of them, she knew, were conditions her son and his wife—despite their great power—could do nothing about. She would feel better, at least as their doctor, having the backup of the best medical technology this new world had to offer.

“I obviously can’t force them,” she said. “And you know I wouldn’t try, but… it’s our…” She trailed off. Our grandchild, she thought. Mulder stood and moved to her side, leaned down and pressed a long kiss to her forehead.

“I know,” he said. “I know.”

#the x-files #fanfic #my fic #msr #prompt #asks #north of zero

[regarding-stories]

Inertia Itself: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

TL; DR: I'm gonna bash the series somewhat. (Sorry, folks.)

After it coming with a lot of praise and kept being recommended, the series itself didn't end up being what I expected, especially given the omission in Crunchyroll's synopsis blurb. I still watched it, and all the fan praise is... a bit over the top. (I'd say the movie deserves it, though.) Depending on your tastes and sensitivities, this can be a decent or good series. It has flaws - but it definitely is not just more of the same when compared to others.

This first part of the series aired in 2006, so you can expect spoilers.

The Setup

Initially we learn about a rather peculiar teenager named Haruhi who makes her entrance to high school by stating she's not interested in anyone who isn't an alien, a time traveler, or someone with PSI powers (also called ESPer after "extra-sensory perception").

Our actual protagonist-narrator, a regular guy we will soon know only by his nickname "Kyon," takes an interest in her and eventually befriends her. Little does he know that by doing so he unleashes a series of events that leads to Haruhi forming a club that does her bidding which she dubs the "SOS Brigade" which will look into the phenomena she's interested in.

The catch in the setup is that Haruhi is a being with god-like powers that is not aware of them. She can alter reality, but this happens unconsciously. It plays out mostly like a genie's wish: Whatever she wishes for has quite a bit of self-sabotage baked in. This is not apparent to her at all, and to some, I guess, the source of show's humor.

This leads to the following cast:

Haruhi Suzumiya: The universe centers around her, and she has the personality to match. She bosses others around to the point of bullying, becomes pouty and stubborn like a five-year-old when she doesn't get her way, and is often quite unreasonable. She's also a big tsundere which has a hidden crush on Kyon which she'd never admit, so she instead she treats him like a doormat. Her inner life is never revealed to us, except when others comment on how regular reality is after all, hinting that Haruhi's eccentricity is mostly on the surface. Beyond being a tsundere she's also a genki girl, being very lively, animated, and has endless motivation and stamina when it comes to put her plans to fruition. She's also kind to kids if not her friends.

Kyon: The everyman. Kyon is cynic and sarcastic, but almost never opposes Haruhi openly, instead playing an inner voice narrator commenting on everything. Most of the time he's a passive character, resenting being pushed around, but if put on the spot, he'd be forced to admit that he would never truly opt out. The show never makes it clear whether Kyon has some romantic attraction to Haruhi, even though at least Koizumi comments about it regularly. If he has, he's so put off by her antics that it never gets to surface throughout the run of the series.

Yuki Nagato: The resident alien, sent out by a near-omnipotent AI-like entity. As such, she's basically a robot, can conjure nano-machines, and whisper formulas that alter reality. Yuki is a "cold" character with no emotional response, and her supposed motivation is "to be an observer" because Haruhi seems to be an original factor that actually originates new things (which also suggests the universe would be kinda boring without her). Yuki is also the story's source of magic solutions to problems Haruhi causes and can be relied on to provide exposition when needed. And... she was recruited to the brigade to get Haruhi the former literature club's room.

Mikuru Asahina: A time traveler, and recruited to the brigade mostly to have a hot member. Investigates why no past exists before Haruhi entered middle school, but frankly, she really does nothing of her own through almost the entire series. Haruhi does whatever she wants to Mikuru, including dressing her in various embarrassing ways as the brigade's mascot, and in general Mikuru mostly sobs and goes along. Kyon also has a crush on her.

Itsuki Koizumi: This one is the PSI guy. He cannot do anything, however, except when a particular sort of crisis ensues: Apparently Haruhi's mood swings create destructive "closed spaces" in which giants start to destroy the world. The organization Koizumi is part of fears that if they are left to grow this would destroy the world, so he is the one pushing the most for keeping Haruhi in the dark about her own effect on the world and her powers, reiterating many times how he likes the world as is. Koizumi gets roped into the brigade because he's an exchange student and there must be something up with that, according to Haruhi, which she promptly forgets afterward. Koizumi's personality is rather manipulative and he can't drop it, and I can readily understand why Kyon is not especially keen on him.

But that's just the cast and their motivations, if any. What really matters is...

The Dynamic

What keeps the show going are the manifestations of Haruhi's powers based on her conscious and unconscious desires and the pushback from the other brigade members to keep those in check and preserve reality.

The roles in this are clear:

Koizumi will provide the rationale and some of the exposition, always arguing for preserving the status quo. (And also manipulate others.)

Mikuru will be comic relief and part of Kyon's motivation to get involved.

Nagato will provide solutions when the group cannot solve problems with regular means. She'll also at times provide information dumps, but mostly say very little.

Kyon will provide a reaction to it all, his narration provides an ironic take on the events, but his involvement will be crucial in driving the plot - where there is a non-magical solution, it will fall on Kyon to derive it and put it in place.

What I personally dislike about the show is this dynamic because it's focused on keeping things in place and preventing change. This is embodied especially in Koizumi, whose manipulations often leave a bitter aftertaste (and then he laughes them off).

But it's also present in Kyon's character. He will disagree internally with Haruhi but go along like a doormat. This then builds until a resolution of sorts or until one of the few instances where Kyon actually loses his shit after things have gone way too far and he's complicit in it for doing nothing and saying nothing. Most of Kyon's interactions with the world are internally, and whenever he's called to action, he often acts very late and when it's clear that nothing else will do.

Taken from another but similar angle, a lot of the story is about denying Haruhi satisfaction, and watching Kyon being basically an unhappy character who cannot enjoy things for what they are by constantly judging people around him. At least Haruhi tries to do things. Koizumi especially wants to prevent things, and Kyon mostly lacks impulses of his own.

Without Haruhi, Kyon would have fewer friends and lead a boring, ordinary life. With Haruhi, Kyon gripes about the hassle of having more than an ordinary life. What is his aspiration in life? Would he ever do anything?

Endless Eight

There's a special punishment hidden in this show, its absolute low point. A series of episodes titled "Endless Eight I - VIII". It reminds me of a quote by Douglas Adams: It is by eating sandwiches in pubs on Saturday lunchtimes that the British seek to atone for whatever their national sins have been. They're not altogether clear what those sins are, and don't want to know either. Sins are not the sort of things one wants to know about. But whatever their sins are they are amply atoned for by the sandwiches they make themselves eat. If there is anything worse than the sandwiches, it is the sausages which sit next to them. [...] The sausages are for the ones who know what their sins are and wish to atone for something specific.

(From "So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish".)

Leaving aside that the British should know what their national sins are, this encapsulates how I feel about having watched these eight episodes. It must have been some sort of atonement. Because they suck worse than the sausages.

"Endless Eight" itself is your garden variety time loop triggered by Haruhi's unconscious wish to have a never-ending summer break that she enjoys to her fullest. So they end up going through Haruhi's list of summer activities, only they end up doing it over and over again. The show suggests that the they do this more than 16,000 times and well over 300 years in total (repeating the same two weeks of August).

The characters react to this situation according to their dynamic:

Nagato actually knows but as an observer, she does nothing.

Mikuru notices the absence of a future beyond the end of August, but only falls apart, triggering a higher level of involvement by Kyon.

Koizumi drops exposition but does nothing to change the situation itself, except dragging Kyon into it and suggesting that if Kyon simply played the part of Haruhi's boyfriend, the situation would resolve (= he manipulates him).

Kyon does nothing with the information given to him and hesitates except for the one time he breaks the loop.

Frankly, seeing the group being dragged through this summer break makes me sorry for Haruhi for a change. She strives hard to make a fun summer in her bossy way, and everybody else looks like they've been run ragged. What would the summer have been like without her? Kyon on his couch, watching boring baseball games?

Endless Eight, ignoring the execution for now, itself exposes some depth in regards how it sees the situation. It plays with the concept of lucidity and a certain kind of probabilistic determinism. The characters will react to similar stimuli within a given range of variation, meaning the situation repeats almost entirely the same in the end. The only thing that can break such a situation is lucidity, and this lucidity is highlighted by slow motion moments in Kyon's awareness. In all other moments, everybody is sleepwalking through the same motions of their lives.

This view of human consciousness may be, depending how you see it, somewhat realistic and/or depressing, but there's nothing wrong with it - and it's one of the most compelling points the show puts forward in its run. However, the how is... horrible.

You see, the show repeats the same episode eight times with no real variation in plot - except for episode I and VIII. (Because August is the 8th month and an 8 laid flat is infinite and... pure lack of imagination.) Given the length of an anime episode this means you sit through about 160 minutes of repetition. The show does no montage of the events, it repeats the same key bits out. It basically makes you live, yourself, through part of the time loop in probably the least imaginative way - or at least the least narratively artful.

Now, while the story is roughly told identically beat by beat eight times, it is animated differently eight times. Camera perspectives change, meaning they each had to be animated individually. Same for the voice acting, lots of minor variation. (So they all did their job, I guess.) The eight realities subtly differ - what clothes everybody wears. Unimportant choices they make. Like what popsicle to get or what mask to buy on a Bon festival. Many people in the comments expressed their appreciation of the love of detail.

There's something wrong with these people. What they're saying is that they don't mind being served up the same story eight times if only the trappings change slightly. I guess this got us Episode VII of Star Wars...

To spoil it further: This run of episodes is a trap. There are no real hints to the resolution. You start seeing patterns where there are none. I even thought for a short while that the iterations might be counting backwards. They are not. And while this might get you to ask some questions, it's a really horrible, in-your-face, unskilled way of doing so. And in that it's the low point of the show.

The resolution is to make summer end by doing homework together. Does this somehow imprint the end of summer on Haruhi's brain? Does this mean she gets to spend more time with her friends on their instigation? Does it mean she was secretly hiding she didn't do her homework after all?

Whatever. The lame ending would have been excusable if they hadn't set the bar so high by walking us through an overlong movie version of this. This is the kind of stuff people walk out of a cinema for.

What makes up for it

Now, the way I describe Haruhi and Koizumi suggests I don't like them very much, but especially in case of Haruhi that's not true - not to the extent it might seem. She has definite character flaws, and they're probably quite intentional - but Haruhi, unlike other characters (looking at you, Koizumi) gets things going. And her inner motivation is relatable. Have we not all looked at the world at some point and thought "What if this place was less mundane and boring?" If not - why watch anime?

Nothing makes this more clear than the follow-up movie "The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya"!

This movie does its characters and premise more justice than the series did. Kyon ends up in an alternate reality/timeline where Haruhi isn't in his class, there's no SOS Brigade, and his friends are not his friends. And he doesn't like it one bit!

In a late twist reminiscent of Data from "Star Trek: TNG" we see a reality where Yuki Nagato is not a near-ominiscient robot, but a shy and adorable girl. Kyon fights to get his reality back. Mikuru, even though it's her future self, actually does something effective. Koizumi still is dragging things down, but can be tolerated. And Haruhi isn't actually gone after all.

The story has heart, and it contains some cruel choices. It lets us also sit through some parallel world "nobody shares my memory" shenanigans, but not for so long that you inwardly opt out. It's well-paced, and it's focused on moving things forward - even if forward means "back to the future." But I can't help but feel that Kyon has changed inwardly in response, realizing at long last that what a world without Haruhi actually means.

And that's just brilliant. It has a bit of heartbreak, it has tension and suspense, it has making choices. By taking the dynamic of the original and inverting it in parts, I actually like it a lot. (I still doubt I would rewatch the series, though.)

To be fair, the anime makers may have drawn out the original material - a lot. The movie is essentially one volume of the series, and that works. But the original 24 episode series (plus bonus material) just encompasses 3 and a half volumes, and that seems awfully little. (The manga adaptation apparently sliced the salami quite differently.)

Anyway, you might find something for yourself in this series. It has had a certain staying power and a fanbase, and not many shows would manage to still be talked about ten years after their reissue. The art is... nothing to write home about, but the premise is unique enough to be worth your time once.

Just skip Endless Eight II to VII... Unless you have a yukata/swimsuit fetish.

#the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya #anime series #high school anime #the disappearance of haruhi suzumiya #endless eight