#anyway I paid £15 for my ticket and that felt right to me. I will see literally any show for £15.

[laundrybiscuits]

Eddie’s doing some dumb trick with a couple of wooden spoons, clever hands making them move through the air in improbable ways, and Steve’s about to bite his whisk in half. 

He’d thought for sure that Eddie would be going home the first week; Edward Munson, 29, bartender/musician from Brighton with mismatched tattoos and wild hair, seemed like exactly the kind of pretentious asshole who would flame out early with some ill-advised hipster experimentation. If Steve (28, social worker from Indiana, USA) had been a complete asshole, he’d have said that Eddie didn’t have the fundamentals. That he was all sizzle, no steak. 

It’s a good thing Steve’s not a complete asshole, because Eddie’s been blowing the technicals out of the water so consistently it’s actually pretty fucking embarrassing. His signatures and showstoppers are making a very respectable showing too, except for the time he tried to incorporate some fresh pandan extract and fucked up the liquid ratio, leaving him with a dripping mess that Mary’d declined to even try. 

Afterwards, Steve had seen him leaning against a tree and struggling to light a cigarette. Steve went over for no particular reason, flicking on his lighter and holding it out like a peace offering. Eddie looked at him warily, but bent over the offered flame. 

“Can’t believe I made it through this one,” Eddie said after a moment, white smoke curling out of his mouth.

“Yeah, I feel like that every week.” Steve leaned against the tree next to Eddie. It was a big tree, the kind that’s probably been growing in this field since before England was even England. 

“Nah, but—c’mon, you know what I mean.”

“You had some bad luck with your showstopper. Happens to the best of us, man. Your signature hand pies looked sick as hell.” Steve’s own hand pies had turned out pretty well, so he was feeling generous. It had only been the third week; plenty of time for Steve to snag Star Baker, though even by that point, Steve had been getting the creeping feeling that he was being a little too American about the whole thing. Everyone else seemed to think competitiveness was some kind of deadly sin. It was—actually kind of nice, to get the same kind of nerves he’d always gotten before high school basketball games, but know that he wasn’t really fighting against anyone except himself in the tent.

Anyway, the very next week, Eddie had done some kind of kickass gothic castle with a shiny chocolate dragon and gotten Star Baker for the second time. Steve had clapped him on the back, appropriately manly. Eddie had pulled Steve into a real hug, arms tight around Steve’s shoulders and his whole lean body pressed up close and warm. It had only lasted a moment, and then Eddie had bounded over to Mel and Sue, both of whom he’s been thoroughly charming since the get-go. 

Steve thinks that when this season—or, uh, series—airs, no matter where Eddie places, the entire country is going to be just as charmed. Eddie’s going to get whatever kind of cookbook deal or streaming show he wants. Sponsors will take one look at that handsome face and charismatic grin, and a whole world of possibilities is going to open up for Eddie. 

Steve’s not in it for any of that, of course. He’s here kind of by accident, because Robin pushed him to apply, and it’s a goddamn miracle he’s been holding his own. Hell, it’s a miracle he’s in this country at all. When Robin had started looking at the Cambridge MPhil program in linguistics, she’d said wouldn’t it be great if and he’d snorted, yeah right, like I could ever get whatever job I’d need to move to another freaking country, but then—well. Things had happened the way they’d happened, and now Robin’s almost finished with her degree and Steve is taking time off from the London charity he works at in order to be on Bake Off. 

He’s told all this to the cameras, plus the stuff about how baking started as a way for him to connect with the kids he used to babysit in Indiana, blah blah blah. He thinks it’s probably too boring for them to air, but he gets that they have to try to get a story anyway. 

Eddie Munson, on the other hand, is probably going to be featured in all the series promos. Steve is rabidly curious about what Eddie’s story is, but he hasn’t worked up the nerve to just ask. It should be the easiest thing in the world. They’ve got kind of a camaraderie going, the two of them; a bit of a bromance, as Mel’s put it more than once. 

It’s true they get along pretty well, and the cameras have been picking up on it: on the way Eddie’ll wander over to Steve’s bench like a stray cat whenever they get some downtime, how they wind up horsing around sometimes, working off leftover adrenaline from the frantic rush of caramelization or whatever. There’s the time Eddie had hopped up on a stool to deliver some kind of speech from Macbeth, of all things, and overbalanced right onto Steve, who had barely managed to keep them both from careening into a stand mixer. Sue had patted Eddie on the shoulder and said, “Well, boys, that’ll be going in the episode for sure.”

They both get along with the other contestants just fine, of course, but they’re two guys of about the same age with no wife and kids waiting at home. It’s only natural that they’re gravitating together, becoming something like friends, Steve figures. It’s pretty great that he’s getting at least one real friend out of this whole thing.

It would be even greater if Steve could stop thinking about Eddie’s hands in decidedly non-friendly ways. With all the paperwork he’s signed, he can’t even complain to Robin about how Eddie looks with his sleeves pushed up to show off the tattoos on his forearms, kneading dough and grunting a little under his breath with effort. Steve had almost forgotten to pre-heat his oven that day. 

Two benches away, Eddie fumbles the spoons he’s been juggling with a clatter, and he bursts out laughing, glancing over at Steve like Steve’s in on the joke. Steve grins back, heart twanging painfully in his chest, and thinks: well, fuck. Guess this is happening.

#this is a TRULY bonkers AU like wtf even is the venn diagram of steddie fans and people who exclusively like the BBC GBBO #I know nothing about the process of creating reality tv so I most likely will not be continuing this #(plus ST is just so intrinsically American to me) #but I saw the GBBO musical last week and that's what prompted this little abomination #steddie #GBBO AU #ETA: ftr I rated the GBBO musical 2.5/5. I have a colour-coded spreadsheet. #decent songwriting & solid performances but the emotional beats/pacing were all over the place and it did some weird revisionist callbacks #plus the level of assumed thirst for not!Paul Hollywood was wildly off-putting to me #a person who finds neither his personality nor his appearance in any way attractive #anyway I paid £15 for my ticket and that felt right to me. I will see literally any show for £15.

[dausy]

I didn't upload my disney trip because I felt guilty I was at Disney and my husband is overseas and miserable doing army stuff and I just felt like such a bad spouse. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the spectrum because I just do not comprehend social cues. However, he's on a neat Christmas trip right now in Rome and seemingly doing some cool once-in-a-lifetime Christmas stuff right now. So I think its ok. I don't know how much I'm typing so Ill put it under a keep-reading tag. But my in-laws didn't want me to be alone for Christmas so they paid for my Disneyland ticket..I mean I went and bought the tickets because I get a discount but they paid me back. I drove to their house 8 hours away and we all shuttled in a car and drove the 6 more hours to Disney. I honestly think in many ways Disneyland is superior to Disneyworld. The primary reason I'd ever want to go back to DW would be for the food/wine festivals in Epcot. I think its like a great woo-girl-girls-trip and I'd like to go with my sisters one day.

anyway.

We visited a food-hall in LA the day we got there. Me and my husband took my MIL to a couple food halls in Atlanta and she thought it was a neat idea and found one in LA and wanted to show her family. I forgot what it was called already but I got a pastry and a creme brulee coffee that got actually torched like a creme brulee. They also had a southern food restaurant and I got shrimp and grits just so I can judge it as I lived in Georgia for long. It was pretty good. Bit greasy but the food hall itself was really cute. I just honestly with these food halls, I need more kitschy shopping.

We then went to the Disney shopping district and you can judge but I did spend a lot of money on starwars earrings and all the simba merch I could find. Which was not that much but still very expensive. A lot of stuff is under construction. I really just wanted some Christmas themed cocktails and their main bar was down.

we spent the next couple days at CA and DL. We had park hoppers. I wanted to do the Festival of the Holidays which I thought was a bit disappointing compared to the food and wine I've had in epcot in the past.

I took a lot of clips rather than pictures because I thought about posting to youtube but I don't think I will. I did upload them all to facebook though.

The festival alcohol I swear didn't have alcohol in it. For the record I rarely ever drink alcohol ever. But for this trip I kinda just wanted to relax and not rush ride to ride and just browse and sip something that tasted like Christmas.

There is an interesting food dynamic with my in-laws that I can't explain the entire situation here but I did have to wander off a bit in search of the food. I got a turkey thanksgiving empanada which was pretty good and I think my favorite thing I had was the tamales and there were some little chicken bites that were good too. But these sandwiches were a bit of a disappointment and I found hair in the coleslaw.

random photos. We accidentally found Tiana by herself and we got a photo and she was absolutely lovely. I really wanted to buy some sort of a spirit jersey and I just couldn't find one that I thought was worth it. They did have a red The Lion King one but it was kind of too-red for me. I did find this green lion king hoody though which was nice. I got a lot of compliments on my everything..I swear to god this random guy came up to me like a cartoon character and he yells "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT SIMBA" the one I have hooked onto my shoulder. As he screams it about 15 of his own little magnitized character clip ons and pins pop off of him. It reminded me of the witch from the bugs bunny cartoons where her hair pins would fall out.

I did get to see the Festival of the Lion King show. I've never seen this one. I've seen the one at Disneyworld years ago which was really cool. I didn't know DL had one and I guess this is one of its last performances so I teared up a little.

Primarily me and my SIL who I absolutely love spent a lot of time in Star Wars. I had forgotten until we were wandering around that DL is the one place that has the Cal Kestis lightsaber so I went on a hunt to find it. I'm not gonna buy it but I did find it! I also was not fast enough to get a photo with kylo ren but I didn't realize they had little R2D2s walking the park either. I don't think they have R2 at DW.

I also am a bad planner. I'm not one of those disney adults that can plan out an entire day. I was afraid to try and reserve any sort of dining because again the odd food situation. But I did manage to sneak into Ogas Cantina which was imo, a much better experience then the one in orlando by far. It seemed bigger, more spacious and the food was actual food and these were the strongest drinks I'd had in the park.

They tell you you have 45 mins and you have to get out but we stayed a bit later than that and nobody harassed us. If I went back to DL again I'd hundred percent try and get a reservation here and at the Blue Bayou again. I was also trying to refresh the app to look for an opening in lamplight lounge but alas, it did not open.

the new Marvel version of Tower of Terror I thought was also a lot of fun. And the Haunted Mansion! I feel like like they should leave it Nightmare Before Christmas all the time! I've never been on it this time of year at DW but it was wonderful here at DL. My first time seeing the Jack Skellington stuff. Also! Jack was out as a character wandering the park which I'd never seen before either.

I have to say I was really impressed with the handicap accessibility of some rides. My FiL is blind and utilizes a wheelchair most times and we managed to take him on Mickeys Runaway Rail and I was very impressed with the transfer lane for that. Very impressed with the cast members.

but I think my favorite rides are still Rise of the Resistance and lowkey, Smugglers Run. I feel like everybody hates on Smugglers Run but my stomach and chest hurt so bad from laughing. This ride was hilarious with the right group of people. 6 of us went in and I swear my MILs elderly sister was coming out of her seatbelt rolling around on the floor because my piloting skills were so bad. The funniest experience I've had on a ride.

Before RotR came out though I was a huge Universal Studios fan because their Harry Potter world was just so immersive (I'm aware in recent days HP is controversial) that disney just didn't compare. But they caught on with the StarWars real fast. It is super impressive and they just need to roll out more star wars add-ons. Especially to compete with Universals nintendo and how to train your dragon thats coming out soon in orlando.

The trackless rides are just so clever and I'm excited to see where that technology goes.

oh and the weather! I don't know how to dress for California and I dont understand it. Last couple years we went to Knotts Berry Farm and I froze to death every time. November and December I'm freezing. I keep expecting it to be like Florida weather I guess and it isn't. I keep bringing warm weather clothes and freezing. We were in LA back in June/July to visit the beach and it was 70 and I was freezing. Not beach weather. This year, I bring all winter clothes. Fleece leggings and tights to wear under jeans and coats and hoodies....it got up to 80 one of the days we were there and I got really hot. I brought a tank top and that was it. Everything else was winter. California you killing me.

but thats about it for now I think. That I can think of anyway. Overall both of my Disneyland trips I've had have been better than my Disneyworld trips.

#illustration #sketchbook #simba #disneyland #disneyworld #tiana #disneychristmas #disneylandchristmas #festivaloftheholidays #DLfoodfestival #disneylandfood #disneylandfoodfestival #hauntedmansion #ogascantina #starwars #disneystarwars #calkestis #riseoftheresistance #jackskellington #smugglersrun

[moonlit-flowerfield]

How Reckless (Intruality) ═SOULMATE AU═ || Sanders Sides Big Bang 2022

By Artist_Hope; beta read by @edupunkn00b and @kaythegay2022; art by @dystopiagnome and @im-an-anxious-wreck

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

AO3 Link!!

Chapter word count: 1341

Chapter: 2/4

:')

Remus wasn't sure why someone getting a ticket felt the need to pull a pocket knife and slice at his arm. It was just a parking ticket. And the man clearly could spare $15.00 for the fine.

Nevertheless, he arrested the guy for assaulting a police officer and got the car towed, then went back to the station. Once at the station, he went to the first aid room to wrap his arm up. "Doesn't wanna pay 15 bucks so he cuts my arm," he told the substitute nurse's aide helping him. "He didn't wanna pay 15 bucks when he had the latest iPhone in his hand, the latest model AirPods and at least a $110.00 pocket knife."

The nurse's aide, Gin, sighed. "Officer Duke, this is the fourth time this week that you've come in. It's only Monday," she said. "You really must be more careful."

Remus looked at Gin and frowned. She was the temporary nurse's aide for his station and apparently had read his file, learning all about his little luck issue. "You don't think I'm trying to? It's not my fault this time." He winced and sighed. "Besides… My Soulmate probably wrapped their mirror wound up. Five minutes out from the station it stopped bleeding and hurting."

"Hm," Gin said, putting the kit away. "You said you haven't taken your paid vacation time for this year yet, right? You should take it! Go look around for your soulmate," she said, smiling. "You said you were able to find someone who went to a hospital in St Louis who had exact matching wounds, right?"

Remus frowned more. "St Louis, Missouri, isn't exactly a small town, Gin. Besides, that's hours away. By the time I get to St Louis and find the area where they live, I'll have to come back."

"You forget, dear Remus! I'm on loan from the hospital till your normal aide is off maternity leave," she said, almost a little too proudly. "It'll be risky, but I can probably get some more in-depth details for you. Like, what hospital they went to, name, age and that sort of stuff." Remus really couldn't believe Gin sometimes.

"First of all, can't that get you fired? I know personal use of the database can get us suspended without pay. Second of all," Remus sighed. "You're probably gonna do it anyway even if I say no, so just the name and hospital location will work. Maybe gender, not that I care, but it’ll make it easier to find them. And third of all.” He paused and eyed her with a stern look. “Did you really just tell a police officer that you plan to illegally access a medical database?" He snorted when Gin's face changed a little to a look of panic. "You're a dumbass and crazy. I admire that." He laughed. "I'll set up the vacation thing. Maybe Roman and Janus can tag along." Gin smiled and sat at her computer.

"I'll get that info for you, Remus! Probably by the end of the day, no later than tomorrow," she said, typing away.

"Yeah, yeah, just don't tell me stuff that can incriminate you even more," he said, leaving the first aid room.

"Remus, there's a database for your soulmate connection stuff. Did you—and he's gone."

Remus made his way to the lieutenant's office and knocked on the door. Once allowed in, he greeted his boss. "Lt Beckett, sir."

Beckett looked up from her work, smiling and setting it aside temporarily. "Officer Duke. What can I do for you?" The lieutenant offered Remus one of the chairs in front of her desk with a hand, nodding to the left one a little.

He took the seat, taking a deep breath. "Uh, well, I was wondering if I could cash in my vacation time. I think it's time I went looking for my soulmate," he explained. Much to his surprise, Lt Beckett didn't seem too shocked at his decision.

"I'll admit, I was beginning to think you liked running through the department's first aid budget," she joked. "Remus, have you heard of the Physical Danger Soulmate Department?"

He shook his head, the group name not ringing any bells. "Not to my knowledge, sir."

"It's a worldwide program that is dedicated to helping soulmates with the connection you have safely find their soulmate. That includes a government-paid break from work and a medical database to log matching wounds to other people with similar timings and symptoms." Beckett explained a little more, before getting in touch with an agent for Remus.

It took a while, but eventually, he was set up with a 3-month vacation since they couldn't give him more at the current moment. Then he went back to work.

At the end of his shift, Gin walked up with a piece of paper. "Your possible soulmate. Any information you didn't want is blacked out and I've highlighted the important things you do need to know," she said, smiling. "Have a good vacation."

"Thanks, Gin. Don't be too bored without me," he chuckled, packing his stuff, locking his work weapon up in his locker and leaving. He pulled his cell out and called Janus and Roman.

Given the time, he wasn't too sure he'd catch Janus, so he was thankful when his friend picked up. "So, guess who talked to his supervisor and got his Soulmate Danger… Something, something rights invoked?"

"What?" Said a voice through his phone. "Remus, are you okay? Did someone hit your head?"

"No, it's a thing for people who have the connection I have so they can find their soulmate. I can't remember the name but it's some sort of department, Jan," Remus sighed, arriving at his truck.

He heard a laugh across the line as he climbed into his truck. "No way, you're finally doing it?" Sometimes his twin was the absolute worst.

"Yeah, I am," Remus groaned. "Only because it's worth it to get the stupid connection gone. I'm way too dangerous to their health."

"So, you're using a hero excuse?" asked the first voice. "Sounds to me like you just finally caved to what you have desired to do for years." Remus rolled his eyes, now putting most of his attention on driving safely.

"And so what if I am, Jan? Doesn't make me the worst police officer."

Janus laughed. "I'm not upset. So, where are you planning on going?"

Remus sighed. "Haven't taken a good look at the paper Gin gave me, but overall? St Louis, Missouri. About a 5-hour drive." He sighed a little. "The, uh, the temp nurses aide helped me out a little by giving me a paper with info on my possible soulmate. Some stuff I wanna learn on my own is blacked out, but the important shit is there."

He heard Roman almost drop something, snorting at Roman’s clumsiness at the moment. Karma was very nice to him. "St Louis?! Broadway Across America is there right now! I'm coming!"

"Suppose someone will have to bail you two out of trouble," Janus hummed. "I'll make time to go as well. I assume you'll want help to keep things smooth with your potential partner." Remus huffed.

"Rude but yeah. Thanks, you two," he said. "It's nice to know I got people in my court." Sighing a little, he pulled into a McDonald's. He was fucking starving. Come to think of it… Had he taken a lunch break? "Ro, I'll see you at home. Just stopping for a snack then I'll be there."

"I have a late night. Pulling a few extra hours for extra cash. But I actually have a vacation I could bump up…" Janus chuckled and Remus loudly gagged when he heard the smack of his brother’s goodbye kiss over the phone. "I'll be home before sunrise."

The three gave goodbyes before hanging up the call, leaving Remus to his thoughts. He'd be in the same area as his soulmate by this time next week. He just hoped the visit would be worth it.

#Sanders Side Big Bang 2022 #sanders sides #patton sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #intruality #prinxiety #loceit #remile #sanders sides au #sanders sides writing

[c1nnamons1ck]

July 15, 2022

Dear Diary,

Today I took risks, and they paid off.

Calorie count: 420

Not to be corny, but i’ve never understood what people meant when they talked about the one they loved, talked about loving their imperfections. “There’s no such thing,” i always thought. But then I realized it’s been right in front of my face the whole time.

I met Aya when I was 17. She was 22. She didn’t know I was 17 for a long time. I remember when she found out she was so shocked that I thought she was joking.

“You didn’t know?” I asked, laughing and astonished at her genuine dismay over the whole ordeal.

“What?! I thought you were at least 20.”

It took her a while to get over the whole age thing, but with much assurance from me that I had lived enough and seen enough to know what I wanted, and know what I deserved, she gave in to my love.

Honestly, I don’t even remember how we met. All I remember is that I have loved her as long as I’ve known her, and I’ll love her still when I don’t know her anymore at all.

But she lives far from me, hundreds of miles away. It is a doomed, but fated, love.

Not to be corny.

Anyways, I saw a video tonight of her doing self tapes for auditions and all I could think about was how she still feels like mine, and I hers. Seeing her beautiful, perfect, smile still gives me butterflies. Remembering her scent the day, years after falling for her, we finally met. I hadn’t talked to her in probably months, but when I booked my last minute plane ticket to stay with some friends I knew I needed to call her.

I woke her, she always went to bed earlier than I did despite being behind me in our time zones. She picked up.

“Im coming to California,” I whispered excitedly.

“What? No you’re not. Tell me when, I have to see you.”

We arranged to meet for the first time. When she found out I was planning on calling a cab she insisted on picking me up at LAX. Everyone else I had asked refused, “LAX is a nightmare.”

She stayed on the phone with me for an hour while I was lost in the airport. It really was a nightmare. But when I finally stepped outside and saw her there, when she got out of the car, smiling that perfect fucking smile at me, I dropped my bags and ran into her arms. I can still feel her.

She hesitated, surprised, before hugging me back.

“Your sunglasses,” she said, letting me go and picking them up off the sidewalk behind me.

I hadn’t even noticed dropping them.

The entire car ride to dinner I was shaking. I was beyond nervous, feeling shy. I decided to show her my music, cranking the sound up so there wasn’t much room for conversation.

But after a while, we fell into a comfortable joy together. Everything was funny, everything was bright. I’d never been to the west coast.

Anyways, that night she took me to the beach upon my request. We sat together in a field of grass and there were bunnies everywhere- probably used to being fed by the tourists. I was so happy I cried.

We talked for hours until there was no one there, just us and the sounds of the ocean.

Finally, I kissed her.

“Mmm guess what?” I toyed.

“What?” She replied, flashing a smile.

And then I just kissed her.

We made out as warm rain fell, smiling into the kiss.

When she dropped me off she kissed me goodbye.

The next day I was violently sick.

I couldn’t hold anything down, couldn’t speak, could only try and smile and be somewhat pleasant.

The day after I felt I had recovered somewhat. Aya asked me to get breakfast and I of course said yes.

It was rainy and I was freezing cold. She took me to a cafe by the ocean where we watched the wetsuit clad surfers crash in and out of the stormy waves, looking like sea lions.

“Do you want to come stay with me? I could take you to the airport.” She asked nervously.

I was so terrified of the idea of possibly throwing up in front of her that after much consideration, I said no. I was scared she wouldn’t ever see me the same, or maybe that I’d be too embarrassed to ever go on.

Thinking about it now, I’ve never stopped regretting it.

The time we could have had that I lost because I was too nervous.

I could have slept on her chest. We could have done so many things in the night that we had been dreaming of for years.

So tonight, over a year after our romance novel fantasy night at the beach, I texted her honestly.

sometimes i think i’ll never feel about anyone the way i felt about you

“Can I call you?”

Aya and I had never really stopped talking, even when we were dating other people. Even when we were “just friends” there was never a time when it felt that way.

Maybe nothing will happen, maybe something will, maybe we won’t speak for another 6 months or maybe she’ll find someone else. Aya and I talked for almost a year after we met. I confessed my love for her early on, when she was angry at me for something I had said or done with another girl, one of my friends I think.

“I love you.” I was scared to say the words, holding the speaker of my phone close to my mouth as I sat in my car alone outside my house.

She never said it back, not in the same way that I did.

So now, years later, when there’s every possibility that she will find someone else, I’m still waiting to hear it back.

But I know I can’t give up.

Because I do love her imperfections. All the things about her that drive me crazy are the reason I love her. The reason I know, that I know her.

And that I’ll never stop wanting her.

I took a risk and it paid off.

[kelieah]

an unexpected gift (tom holland x reader)

summary: tom gets an unforgettable and a long-awaited birthday gift

word count: 2.9k

 warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive content, a TRIGGERING TOPIC struggling fertility! please don’t read if it’s a sensitive topic for you ❤️ (also i am here if anyone needs to talk, you’re not alone love)

edited: so this fic took me forever, and here i am posting two fking days after his bday 😭 with everything going on i hope this takes your mind off it for a milisecond, ily all. stay strong 🥺

a/n: i knowwww i know it’s his bday but i couldn’t help but add some angst jdsabfk anyways HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY THOMAS STANLEY HOLLAND we all love you so much hehe

masterlist

-

[05/29/20]

Your mind swirls with emotion as you wait patiently for what felt like the millionth time.

Please. Please. Please.

You thought to yourself as you pace around your bathroom. You inhale deeply and look down at the fifth pregnancy test you took in your trembling hands. Your eyes begin to blur with tears when you notice the two bright pink lines slowly appear in the little box. You let out a shaky sob, “O-Oh my god. Oh my god, thank you. Holy shit. T-Thank you,” you whimper happily.

You place the test aside, feeling as if a weight was lifted off your shoulders. You run your hands through your hair and back up against the bathroom door, sliding down to the floor. You feel your tears stream down your cheeks while a smile makes its way onto your face.

You and Tom have been married for about two years and been trying to have a baby for the past year. It’s been a rocky road of trial and error, medicines and doctors visits. Now, you both finally just received the most precious and priceless gift anyone could ask for.

You stand up taking a deep breath and close your eyes. This is what you and Tom have been waiting for, what you both have been hoping for. You finally got pregnant, after countless attempts. You didn’t expect it to happen so soon but you couldn’t be more grateful.

You breathe out, your lips quivering as you pick up the test once again. You think for a moment and add up the weeks in your mind. You’re about a week pregnant. You assumed the symptoms you were having were just PMS, but look where you are now. Pregnant. Unbelievable. It truly is a dream came true.

Tom wasn’t home yet because he’s been gone for press the whole day. You wanted to burst into some random interview Tom is in right now and tell him the news, but you’d rather plan something out for him. Especially since his birthday is coming up.

You walk over to your bedroom and pick up your phone, immediately calling your parents to tell them the news. Emotions were all over the place once you told them, their reactions similar to you finding out for the first time.

“I know. I know Dad,” you laugh weakly, wiping away some tears. “I love you, okay bye. I’m going to call Nikki.”

You feel yourself grow more excited, “Hi Mom,” you say as she picks up.

“Hello, sweetheart! I love it when you call. I hope Tom isn’t being a hassle,” she teases.

You giggle at her joke and pause for a moment before springing the big news on her. “Nikki, I’m p-pregnant,” you spill out, still in disbelief even though you already told your own parents.

“Bloody hell! Seriously!?” she cries out in joy, “Dom!” she yells, walking off with her phone.

You giggle, sniffing and swipe away tears that fell once again, “Yes, darling? What’s with the shouting,” Dominic comes into view.

“She’s pregnant, oh my she’s- they’re pregnant honey,” she hugs his arm. 

His eyes widen as he gasps, “Congratulations Y/n! We know how long you and Tom have been trying, this is wonderful!”

“T-Thank you, I know,” you chuckle softly, “S-Speaking of Tom, I’ve been planning a lot for his birthday. So I was thinking you all should fly over from London, I may have already bought some tickets.”

“Y/n,” Nikki covers her mouth, “You didn’t have to.”

“Oh but I wanted to, I emailed you the tickets. Your flights leave tomorrow, I hope that gives you enough time.”

Before you found out you were pregnant, you already had a couple of plans for Tom’s birthday. To fly over his family, including Tess of course, and set up a surprise birthday party. 

You debated if you should’ve invited any of his celebrity friends, but with the big news you know he would want to keep things more secluded. Which you completely understood. Memories of you and Tom getting together for the first time yet being outed to the media within weeks flooded your mind. Great times.

Tom hasn’t seen his family in a couple of months because he’s been recording and doing press here in America. Though you both live in LA, you two made sure to visit London frequently. Not only because you loved spending time there, but seeing his family was always so heartwarming and uplifting. His family is so kind and fun to be around just like him, you always felt right at home with them.

But to kill time, you thought why not mess with him a bit. You’re now waiting for Tom to come home from press, dinner time nearing. You sprawl out, stomach flat on the bed you share with Tom, scrolling through your phone mindlessly.

You let out a quiet gasp as you feel a weight on top of your body, “Hi my love,” he chuckles, lying on you.

“Hello, Tommy,” you hum, “Get off though, you’re squishing us,” you pout, shrugging him off.

He tilts his head and quickly gets off of you, sitting next to you, “Us?”

You cup your breasts, winking at him, “These girlies,” you joke.

“Oh woman,” he tackles you gently back on the bed.

“Excuse me?” you gasp dramatically, looking up at him as he pinned you down to the bed.

“You heard me, my woman. My beautiful, beautiful woman,” he teases. You give him a look and he leaves kisses along your jaw, “You know I’m only joking, my wife.”

“That’s better, Daddy,” you grin at the name, feeling like a giddy teenager for knowing something he doesn’t.

“Love, we haven’t even had dinner yet. You know what that name does to me,” he grumbles.

“Don’t be a big baby, I’m just teasing,” you peck his nose.

“Better be pretty girl, I missed you,” he sits up and lifts you onto his lap, “How are you doing?”

“Much better now that you’re here,” you rest your arms lazily on his shoulders, “I’ve already prepped dinner, do you want to help make it?”

“That would be lovely,” he presses his lips against yours which you kindly accept and kiss back.

[05/31/20]

“Thank you again, sweetie, you truly didn’t have to. We could’ve paid,” Nikki says pulling away from hugging you.

“Nonsense, it’s the least I could do for everything you all have done for us. Tom’s actually staying overnight at a hotel with the cast, so it’s perfect for us to get things ready,” you beam, smiling at the rest of Hollands.

After reuniting with his beautiful family and helping them settle into a nearby hotel, you all began to set up for his birthday.

“Hi Tessa,” you squeal, playing with her as she jumps around on you, “I know, you miss daddy? I miss him too,” you ruffle her head.

“Should this go over here?” Harry asks, lifting up a decoration to the wall.

“Yep, a little bit more to the side. Perfect,” you give him a thumbs up.

“Thanks, Mom,” he teases. 

You roll your eyes, fanning him off, “Oh shush, Uncle,” you retort playfully.

You walk around helping everyone out and make sure things are in place. You walk over to the balcony to see Paddy leaning over the railings, “Hey Pads, everything okay?”

He smiles and looks back at you, “Oh yeah, it’s nothing,” he mutters quietly. You immediately catch him wiping away a tear and walk over, opening your arms up. He quickly hugs you, placing his head on your chest.

“Sweetheart,” you pout, rubbing his head, “What’s wrong?”

“I-I can’t believe I’m going to become an uncle,” he sniffles. 

Your eyes soften and you run your hands through his hair, “An amazing uncle.”

“I’m only 15,” he huffs.

“Almost 16,” you remind him, shrugging. “I’ve seen younger uncles,” you reassure playfully making him chuckle.

“I’m so happy for you two, I know how much you both have been waiting for this,” he pulls away, wiping away more tears. “You know,” he sighs, looking back out at the city.

“Hm?” you lean on the railing with him.

“I know you know this already but, Tom really does love you. I remember how heartbroken he’d be after you both failed to become pregnant over and over again, he used to call us each time. His voice was almost gone, his eyes red and puffy. He felt so bad, he felt like it was his fault at times. Telling us how helpless and disappointed he felt,” he mumbles softly.

You look over at Paddy in bewilderment. Tom never told you that, and you assumed he tells you everything. “I didn’t,” you trail off your heart tightening at the thought of Tom in such a vulnerable state, “I didn’t know that Paddy, thank you for telling me that.”

“I think he might pass out when you tell him, no joke,” he smiles sadly. 

You both look at each other for a moment and begin to giggle, “I’d actually love to see that.”

“Me too,” he snorts. 

Both of your laughter dies down, you ruffle his hair for the last time, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Y/n?”

“Yep?”

“You two are going to be amazing parents.”

[06/01/2020]

“How was your night?” you smile, leaning against your bedrest looking at your tired husband through the screen.

“It was really fun, they wanted to celebrate for my birthday of course. So we drank a bit, got to know each other more and just messed around, it was a nice way to get close to the cast,” he yawns.

“That’s great, I’m glad you got to. My birthday boy must be exhausted, huh?” 

He chuckles softly, “Sure am, one more recording today, and then I’ll be home before you know it,” he reassures. “All good babe, it’s just me and,” you look around your room, “Oh right, it’s just me,” you sigh dramatically. “Darling,” he whines, hugging a pillow to his chest, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be Tommy, I’m only joking around of course. I love you. I can’t wait for you to come home, so we can have our own little celebration,” you wink.

He giggles and looks back at the camera, “I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you, seriously,” he mutters, watching you.

You blush underneath his gaze, “I could say the same.”

“No seriously princess, you’re so understanding and compassionate. Unbelievably amazing, an actual angel. I don’t even think you belong on earth, let alone with an earthling like me,” he bubbles happily.

You snicker quietly, “Okay, Peter Parker,” you tease making him roll his eyes, “Thank you though Tommy, I love you more. You’re such a sap.”

“Only for you. I have to go, see you later?”

“Yup. Forever and?”

“Ever.”

You end the call, tossing your phone aside and hop off the bed. You freshen up a bit and change into more suitable clothes.

You walk around your apartment, smiling softly at all the decorations you and his family had recently put up. 

You call Sam and let him know that Tom’s coming home soon. He tells you they’re all on their way.

You tidy up a bit more and heat up some food. You open the door to the Hollands and smile, “Hello hello, again,” you let them inside.

They greet you once more and place presents in the living room. Dom pulls you aside, “How are you feeling, are you ready to tell him?” he asks.

You smile warmly and nod excitedly, “Definitely. I can’t imagine what his reaction is going to be like.”

“We can’t either,” he laughs, “So where do you want us to hide?”

About half an hour later Tom says he’s on his way home, so you look around doing a final check and smile in content.

You walk out to the balcony and check the corner to see them all bunched up together, “You all okay?” you ask.

“Yep,” Harry gives you a thumbs up, everyone else agrees.

“Are you gonna be quiet Tess?” you scratch underneath her chin as she walks up to you. She looks at you with curious eyes and you accept that as her response, “Good girl,” you kiss her forehead.

You check your phone and look up back up at them, “He says he’s five minutes away,” you chirp. They nod and you close the sliding door, walking back inside.

You feel your heart begin to race as you play out every reaction Tom could have. He could actually pass out, or maybe think it’s a joke? You have no idea, but nonetheless you were excited.

You jump at the sound of the door unlocking and opening, “Darling?” he calls out. You rush over to him before he comes inside, and tackle him into a hug.

He stumbles out into the hallway and holds you close, “Happy Birthday again,” you grin, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Thank you again,” he kisses your cheek and squeezes your waist, “I have a feeling you’re hiding something my love,” he hums, trying to push past you.

“Well, it’s nothing big,” you move out of the way, letting him inside. You swear you see his eyes twinkle when he looks around the apartment.

“Nothing big? Babe,” he pouts and places down his baggage, “I love this so much, you’re adorable,” he opens his arms.

You bite your lip and close the door behind him, hugging him tightly, “Why don’t you freshen up a bit and meet on the balcony? You smell like hotel,” you joke, kissing at his earlobe.

“Alright alright, meet you out there,” he grabs his bags and walks over to your bedroom. You grin grabbing your camera and hide in the kitchen.

You wait about ten minutes and text Harry some quick updates. You hear Tom walk over to the balcony, sliding the door open. You instantly pop up and stealthily follow him while recording.

“Love?” he steps outside, looking around.

“Surprise!” his family shouts out.

He lets out a scream and holds out his fists in defensive. You all burst out in laughter and Tom immediately looks over at you, “Jesus, you guys!” he cries out.

He trips on the rug but makes his way over to them, hugging them tightly, “Happy Birthday sweetheart,” Nikki chirps, squeezing his arm.

“Thanks, Mum,” he smiles warmly, “Tessa! You’re here too?” he bends down, hugging her as she jumps into his arms, “How?” he pretends to sob happily.

“Your wonderful wife of course,” Sam motions over to you, while you smile proudly.

“Thank you all, seriously,” he stands up, hugging them all again.

“When you all are done reuniting, I think lunch is ready,” you hum, winking at Paddy who helped you prepare the meals beforehand.

Shortly after you all ate together and caught up, it was finally present time. You recorded as he opened up his family’s gifts for him.

“Alright alright, it’s my turn,” you pipe up, handing the camera to Paddy. Paddy grins happily and takes a step back to get you and Tom in the shot.

“I thought you bringing them here was my gift from you already?” Tom tilts his head.

“Of course not, there’s always more,” you roll your eyes playfully, calling Tessa over, “You should know me by now, c’mon.”

Tessa walks over with a gift bag in her mouth, sitting in front of Tom, “Tess! What a good girl, look at you,” he gently takes the bag and pets her admiringly. 

He smiles at you and opens up the gift, he pulls out a little folded spider-man onesie. He assumes its for Tessa and laughs, “Don’t we already have one for Tess?”

“Oh yeah, true.”

He raises an eyebrow and opens it up more, examining it. His eyes widen and quickly darts over to you, “N-No.”

You feel your eyes gloss and you nod slowly, “Y-Yep.”

“Y-You’re not joking?” he walks over to you, falling to his knees.

You stifle a cry and cups his face, “D-Definitely not, look in the bag.”

He reaches over and pulls out another wrapped gift. He opens it up to see your pregnancy test in a bag, “Fucking hell,” he places it aside and hugs you close as you kneel down.

You feel him begin to tremble against you and your heart swells, “Tommy,” you sniffle, running your hands through his hair.

“You’re p-pregnant? W-We’re pregnant?” his voice wavers, tears spilling from his eyes.

You nod again, wiping away his tears, “Y-Yes we are,” you utter.

He holds you close and sobs into your neck. You look up at his family for a moment, chuckling in between cries noticing they’re crying with the both of you.

You whisper sweet nothings in his ear and rub his back, “You okay, bubby?” you sniff. 

He nods and pulls away looking up at you, “M-More than okay,” he hiccups, smiling cheekily. “It’s the best bloody gift I could ever ask for,” he cups your cheek, wiping your tears away as well.

“It truly is,” you murmur softly. He stands you up and kneels down, placing his hands on your sides, “Tom?”

“Let me talk to my other b-baby girl or boy o-of course,” he blubbers, pressing a warm kiss against your stomach. 

Everyone laughs including you, “I’m glad you didn’t faint, Paddy was betting you would,” you thread your fingers through his hair.

He glares at Paddy playfully as he places his face onto your stomach, “Of course he would.”

Paddy whines behind the camera making you both chuckle, “Tom, I’ve only been pregnant for a week,” you hum, looking back down at Tom.

“It’s my birthday, let me have my moment,” he replies sassily, hugging your waist closer.

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[oikawaplssteponme]

PART 4 | previously: part 3 | masterlist

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: swearing, mention of violence but there isn’t any

synopsis: When UA’s hot heads, Katsuki Bakugou and you, are forced to put your hatred for each other aside and plan the third year Prom, things end up getting a little heated...

a/n: hi friends!! okay so this part is a little longer but it’s important for what’s to come ;) because i just couldn’t help myself, there’s a little song reference in there, hopefully you catch it,, maybe it’s important *wink wink* anyways, taglist is open so just lmk if you’d like to be added 🖤 enjoy xx

•

Four: it’s what’s on the inside that counts

It’s been over 2 weeks since your fight with Bakugou. The two of you haven’t spoken since, leaving your classmates a bit nervous. You were stubborn and so was he. The only problem was, neither of you really remembered why you were fighting in the first place. You two fought often, that was obvious, but something about this last fight felt different. As if you and Bakugou genuinely wanted to hurt each other. In the past, it was mainly for your own satisfaction just to fight someone. You and Bakugou had disliked each other for so long that you couldn’t even think of a solid reason for why you hated him. You soon came to realize that you barely knew anything about Katsuki Bakugou...and that bothered you.

~

“LISTEN UP! Prom tickets will be on sale after school today in the common area. You can also buy them at the door but just know they’ll cost more. So I recommend you have your money ready and get in line early because I only have a certain amount for presale. Thank you that’s all!” You announced to your class. “Oh and pass this information onto the other classes please!”

You hopped down from the desk where you were standing and brushed your skirt down.

“Do you need help setting up?” asked Deku. You looked over at Bakugou, who was supposed to be helping you but since the two of you weren’t on speaking terms, that wasn’t really an option.

“Uh sure that’d be great,” you said.

“I’ll lend a hand as well,” chimed in Iida. You laughed.

“Guys all I need help with is moving a table and a few boxes,” you explained.

“We are happy to help!”

You, Deku, and Iida set up the ticket selling table. You placed the poster of the dance in front of the table. Izuku grabbed the box of tickets and looked through them.

“Y/N did you make these?” He asked. Your face got warm.

“Uh yeah, it’s not a big deal though,” you insisted.

“It’s excellent artistic work Y/N! You should be proud!” smiled Iida.

“Yeah it’s super cool!”

“Thanks guys,” you gushed. You sat down at the table and pulled out your notebook and pen.

“Alright! Who wants the honor of buying the first ticket?”

“You should, after all you planned the dance,” said Deku. You smiled.

“I guess you’re right.” You picked up the first ticket, wrote your name next to the #1 spot in your notebook, and put your money in the cash box.

“Okay. Who’s next?”

~

The line of people never seemed to end. You got in the groove of writing down their name, number, and putting away the money pretty quickly.

“Hey Momo! Uh you’re number 35,” you said to your classmate.

“Thanks, here you go!” She smiled, handing you the money.

“Y/N!!” cheered Mina, “wait is this the theme?” Mina pointed to the design on the tickets.

“Uh yeah it is,” you smiled.

“‘My Emotions Feel Like Explosions When You’re Around’,” read aloud Deku.

“I LOVE IT!! It’s super cute and honestly I would expect nothing less from you and Bakugou!”

Right. Bakugou.

“Uh yeah. I'm excited to see how it turns out once we get all the decorations.”

“Do any of you have dates yet?” asked Denki as he paid.

“Wow Denki is that your only concern?” laughed Jirou.

“I haven’t even thought about that,” said Iida.

“Planning on asking anyone?” You asked aloud.

“I am…” mumbled Deku.

“Wow Izuku wonder who?” said Kirishima sarcastically.

“Who are you gonna ask, Deku?” You asked. No one said anything. You turned around and saw all your friends staring at you.

“What…it was just a question…”

“Wait, you're like genuinely asking?” laughed Denki, “I thought it was obvious.” Deku hit Denki’s arm.

“It’s fine, it will be better if it’s a surprise anyway,” said Deku.

“Do you want someone to ask you, Y/N?” asked Sero, handing you his money. You put the cash in a box.

“I honestly don’t care. I wasn’t even planning on going to Prom before Aizawa forced me to plan it,” you admitted.

“Well we are all glad you’ll be there,” smiled Iida.

~

Your friends had all gone back to their dorms after a bit. There were still about 20 people in line for tickets and you were exhausted.

“Cafeteria closes soon dumbass,” said someone. You whipped around. You groaned.

“Well Katsuki, I’m kinda busy if you can’t tell,” you huffed.

“Go eat. I’ll finish up here,” he said. Your eyes grew.

“Wait what-”

“Go on, you only have 15 minutes before they close dinner. I've got this,” he insisted. You got up from your chair.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“It can’t be that hard if you figured it out.”

You rolled your eyes

“Whatever. Just pick up when you’re done.” You began to walk down to the cafeteria.

Two weeks of not talking to me and that’s all he has to say?

“Grabbing some dinner?” called Iida behind you. You smiled.

“Yeah , Bakugou is finishing up the ticket sale.”

“Nice. I’ll join you.”

“Thanks Iida.”

~

“Cold soba?” questioned Iida, “You never get your soba cold.” You looked down at your tray of food.

“I guess Todoroki converted me,” you joked. Iida raised a brow.

“Alright Y/N, what is it? We both know you hate cold food,” he said. You picked at your soba.

“I’m fine honestly,” you mumbled.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Bakugou, would it?” You whipped your head to look at Iida.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

“That’s more like it!” He smiled. You chuckled.

“Well would it?” He asked. You shrugged.

“I guess this whole dance is stressing me out. Bakugou and I haven’t been very productive lately ,” you admitted. Iida sighed.

“Well this might be a stretch but you could try to make peace with him.” You groaned.

“I’m not making peace with that angry pomeranian until he apologizes.”

“Why can’t you just apologize?”

“BECAUSE I-I, I don’t know. My own stupid pride I guess.”

“You two need to overcome your differences eventually. Who knows, you guys might have more in common than you think,” smiled Iida.

“You’re the worst, you know that,” you joked.

“Wait really?”

“Iida…”

~

After dinner, you laid in your dorm room, staring up at the ceiling. You knew you should get some of the planning done but you also would rather just forget about the stupid dance. After about 10 minutes of contemplating, you headed down to the basement.

As you walked down the stairs, you remembered that Bakugou still had your notebook. You went down anyway, hoping to get some work done on your laptop instead. Much to your surprise, the door was propped open. You took a deep breath and prepared yourself for what could be behind the door.

“Hey Bakugou…” your voice trailed off as you saw that no one else was in the room.

He must’ve left the door open so I wouldn’t ask him for the keys.

You set down your things and sat down on one of the tables. You pulled out your laptop.

“I figured I’d find you here,” A raspy voice said. You looked up to see none other than Katsuki Bakugou, holding your notebook.

“Oh hi. I just thought I’d get some work done,” you explained.

“How’d you get in?”

“Uh you left the door open,” you explained. Bakugou huffed. He took a seat at the same table as you, setting down your notebook.

“Here dumbass.” Bakugou threw something on you and it landed on your head.

“What the-” You grabbed the soft material off of your head. Your eyes grew.

“Katsuki-”

“You said I owed you a new shirt, so here it is,” he said. You looked at the brand new t-shirt, a smile on your face.

“Yeah well I didn’t think you’d actually buy me one…”

“I mean I did rip your other shirt pretty badly. I-uh-I’m sorry about that.” Your eyes widened.

“Did you just say you’re sorry?”

“Yeah and I’m not saying it again.” he huffed.

“Bakugou I’m sorry too,” you said. Bakugou tilted his head.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I guess for everything. Well, maybe not everything because I don’t regret kicking your ass for 3 years one bit but I am sorry for that fight the other day. I almost killed you,” you explained nervously.

“Key word ‘almost’. I guess I almost did too,” he joked. You let out a nervous chuckle.

“Here’s the thing Bakugou, I don’t know anything about you yet I hate you with every ounce of my body. I guess I want to hate you for a reason.”

“What the hell does that mean, nerd?” He questioned. Your face got warm.

“You know how they say, ‘it’s what’s on the inside that counts’? Well,I want to hate you for what’s on the inside,” you laughed. Bakugou raised a brow.

“And what about you? The only thing I know about you is that you’ve got a short temper and your shirts rip easily. I barely know you either…”

He was right. Probably the only person who knew anything remotely deep about you was Iida, and even that was still somewhat surface level. You didn’t pick UA to get too comfortable with your classmates, even if you were friends, since in the real world you would be competing for the number one Hero spot. Maybe that’s why most of them were intimidated by you.

You patted on the top of the table, hinting for Bakugou to sit with you. He groaned and joined you on the table.

“This is stupid,” he mumbled. You rolled your eyes.

“Come on just try. And just to clarify, we are doing this for research purposes only. I’m convinced by the end of this I’ll still want to rip your head off 24/7,” you said. Bakugou nodded.

“Yeah I mean not like that could change.”

“Exactly. Okay so you first. What is it that makes Katsuki Bakugou a horrible pain in my ass?” You smiled sarcastically. Bakugou chuckled quietly.

“What do you want to know, dumbass?”

•

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#willow.🌸 #bakugou x you #katsuki bakugō #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bnha bakugou #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki x y/n #mha katsuki #bakugou katuski x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha katsuki x reader #katsuki x you #my hero academia #hot heads.🌸

[shadowdianne]

A friend who is actually starting to write her own book sent me a little thing back at instagram which was a cute version of inktober. For each day of august a prompt of word. She asked me to do it with her, as a way of making her write even a short paragraph each day and motivate her. I said yes, but since I'm quite the overachiever I did all previous days plus today and my plan is to do them all now that I'm up to date with the ones I was "supposed" to have done. Anyway, the rules we set for this were no tailoring afterward, no editing, and a max of 15 lines. It's not fanfic but if anyone wants to read them...

1.- Circle

The grass was dry beneath their feet as they moved, the nighttime air filled with the chants of those who hold the candles as they moved, shadows undulating, changing, as they rose their arms. However, If anyone would have dared to peek from beyond the trees that surrounded the clearing, they would have only seen the blue formations of the will-o-wisps as they moved and created the never-ending circle and yet, however, if any bystander clever enough, magical enough, interested enough, would have kept on watching, battling against the feeling of being watched that would have crept out on their back, they would have seen the figures, the lights, form and change and transform until the will-o-wisps were gone and, on their wake, the circle would have led to the wings of those departed, waiting for their time to come so they could traverse to the place beyond.

2.- Changeling

Their eyes are never the right color, their mouths form words no-one should speak outload, they teach us to never share our meals, our names with them, for they do not belong to us anymore that they do belong to what lies beyond the veil that permeates magic and secrets. Their souls were sold, way beyond they were formed, even if they wear lead and silver like any mortal would. They can touch salt, and eat it as well, but their redemption lies beyond the crosses and symbols of the religion that they were brought up into. You can make deals with them, they teach us, you can peer into those eyes and try not to lose yourself if you are willing, but remember that their bodies are borrowings, copies of imperfect molds. They exist and they can bring gifts, for they can step into said veil, but there’s nothing that will make them human, or mortal, even if they think of themselves as such.

3.-Lottery

The numbers bled ink onto her palm as she brought it closer to her eyes, the rain around her turning ice-cold as she tried to peer beyond it. The air freezing as she rose her free hand and moved a few stray hairs out of her eyes. She could feel the chill on her back and neck, the razor sting of the water turning to hail. “Is someone there?” She wanted to ask, the silhouette she had seen -she had thought she had seen- walking down the road now nowhere to be found. The lottery ticket kept flapping against the wind, the numbers beginning to smear as she brought it closer to her chest. Numbers, she would soon find out when she entered into one of the few shops down her street that would take it, that changed with notable pace. There was never a wrong one, she would realize, for each number would always be the correct one, would always give the answer that would need to be given in order to win. Then, she would ask, why the ticket was also stained with blood?

4.-Officiate

The bold man rose his arms and looked at us with a grave look, the shadows within the chapel seeming to grow and wreathe as we all stood, waiting. There was very little to do, beyond keeping up with his stare as he repeated the old mantra I’ve known by heart for longer than my years would have said. I let my mind wander when he didn’t stare at me, trying to catch the sins off our memories, the reason why we have been brought up here. I looked at the stained glass at his back, at the stories that were told with jaded crystals that our memories had conjured. With each night, the stained glass seemed brighter, our souls, according to him, purer. And yet, I felt light-headed, weak, as my eyes were captured once more, distant screams scurrying through the floor as we fell, knees first. Again, and again, and again.

5.-Enchant

He eyed the pendant that hung from between their intertwined fingers, the jewel encased in the middle of the brass and silver lines glinting under the electric light that hung above them. He was still able to taste the wine he had consumed a few minutes prior, the tanginess of it, the way it had stained his teeth. The light within the pendant glowed stronger as it beckoned them, their breath halting and then speeding up as their feet rose from carpeted floors, the wood panels that covered the room’s walls seemingly to throb as they kept on grabbing the pendant, the magic, scribbled beyond the details the artisan had created for them both. “A promise trapped in glass” The old man has whispered as he had given it to him. “A secret written within it.” He had replied, the words strange but expected, such was the way of the saying. He now was able to fear the heat radiating from the pendant, the magic, and he knew he had been lied to.

6.-Science

Beakers tinkled as she looked around the room, the papers, scattered around the body, the last strength of the dead man’s hand thrown over one small portion of white paper that was now marred with words she wasn’t able to understand. The inspector knelt next to the body, not bothering to check the man’s pulse as she knew him dead; the trail of blood pooling on his back enough proof of that, alongside with the scalpel, the broken pieces, of what could have been his latest experiment. Outside, beyond the sea of voices so normal in an investigation site, she could almost listen to the crows she had seen upon entering the building, their beaks open in a sempiternal smirk. She frowned and stood, fingers ironing her clothing reflexively as she took into the laboratory, the slight stench of fluids that had been spilled. And then she winced as her finger opened, sliced by one of the speckles of glass that covered her pants. Stupid, noob, she could listen to the scornful remarks others would tell her, if only the heat that now seemed to burn from her insides would end.

7.- Basket

It was sturdy, the old woman would often say when trying to sell the ones she made in front of her home, the porch worn and slanted but still giving her enough shade for her hands to work without breaking a sweat. It was sturdy and practical and all new-commers should buy one. What would you do, she would say with eyes so clouded they looked like the sky in a stormy day, with the things one was supposed to carry for long travels? What would you do with your food and waterskins? Where would you carry them? She would scoff at the words of those who politely told her that they had their backpacks. “They are not as reliable” She would reply, but she would shoo them away nevertheless, her interest depleted the moment they told her that they were supposed to go for the distant mountains, the ones that seemed blue from where they stood. She would insist more, sometimes, if they seemed hesitant to say not to her, toothless smile and quick tongue quickly lifting a few coins from their purses. It was sturdy, she would say to them, as she gave them the promised basket, the sigils woven into it blinking once, twice, beyond their eyes. She would smile then, promising them good travels, safe travels. She was rarely wrong.

8.- Ensnare

The gardener looked at yet another vine, sweat rolling down his brow, he could feel the dirt slowly resettling itself as he watched, the steps of the poor unfortunate who had ended up being trapped, ensnared, by the vines already beginning to disappear. There was very little he was able to do now, the body mangled beyond recognition, and so he brought a clean cloth and his sears and began the process of recollecting what little he was able to get, at least for the ones who had lost another family member, for the dead to be tolled, he didn’t quite hate his job, it paid well, as long as he himself kept away from the vines covering the mausoleum’s door. But there were days like this one, days in where the heat bothered and the vines were more playful than usual and their teeth nipped at his fingers, that he wondered about taking that final step, devoid of the protections the pendant around his neck gave him. If only to see if there was actually a way of getting lose from them all.

9.-Sky

Their wings fluttered, moved by the breeze that only they could see, and as the night covered everything in velvety black, the wings of the creatures grew in size, changing the sun with the moon, their eyes black holes that blossomed into galaxies only those keen eyed, where able to distinguish on the earth below. They danced around each other, the aurora borealis a stamp of colors their tails created their flight erratic for every night is different and every sky varies, even with the matted imperfections of their plumage -the constellations, those mortals would call them- The planets aligned as the sun disappeared, one last bite of fire hanging low on the horizon, and they kept on dancing, on transforming day to night, and then back and back again.

10.-Box

The box was engraved, numbers of family members so old it was difficult to remember them any longer. It was also covered in dirt, from the grave they had dug it up, their secrets locked away with a lock as well crafted as it was gorgeous; rust not seeming able to corrode the details of the metal parts that surrounded the names. Cold to the touch, permanently, it seemed to leave a thin layer of frost no matter what object it touched, and she bit down her bottom lip as she tried to remember the old nursery rhymes her grandmother used to sing to her, about the secrets she was supposed to inherit, the clues she was supposed to recall. Nothing, however, came forth, her own fingers felt cold and detached and her vision blurred and gone, the will-o-wisp lights that had seemed to grow stronger the last time she checked into the forest that surrounded the home coming closer and closer to her now, asking for a permission they didn’t need as her own soul had granted such.

11.- Catapult

He run, almost slipping over a pool of oil as the noise of the fighters and soldiers below reached him, the sweat on his brow getting heavier with every passing second. He had been tasked with one thing and one thing only: being a novice there was only so much he could do with a sword after all. And so, he run, run towards the catapults waiting outside the castle, beyond the riverbank. All the careful planning had been for naught as they had found a way into the place using the old catacombs, the ones in where numbers appeared written in blood, passages of a bible so cursed there were only a few that could remember the name of the book itself. He hadn’t dared to ask how the enemies had found a way in; the eyes full of fear of his sergeant had been telling enough. And so, he willed his legs to carry him further as he kept on descending the stairs, moving between bodies, and propelling himself in-between those who fought. He had one job and one job only and he needed to reach the riverbank. Or else.

12.-Ladder

The wood of the ladder splintered beneath her fingertips, but she didn’t pay any mind to the pain on her flesh. There was no point to it, after all, for everything she had tried lied dead at her feet, the eyes of the multitude stuck on her as she felt stricken by fear. She had been propped up the unlit bonfire, read her sins, what she had been accused off, and called forth a blessing from the mute skies. She had looked up then, narrowing her eyes as she searched for the birds that changed as the seasons did; she had been taught, instructed, to find those in the case she was found. Yet, nothing came forth on that starless night, not even when she began to feel the stench of fog and fire about to reach her feet. For that, for fear, she transported herself as far as her powers allowed her; to the silo next to the old road; the one in where Old Granny used to sell her baskets to those stupid enough to transverse to the mountains. The silo was closed now, rot settling in of what had been a small hut back when she had been a child, and so she had waited and waited for the screams outside to disappear, her legs around the end of the ladder, her arms, and hands clutching the top of it. A mere second longer, she thought, she prayed, and she would be able to escape, to flee, to those blue mountains she still could see on her mind’s eye.

13.-Carnivorous

The wolf is not evil, despite its large smile and piercing teeth, its tongue as red as the blood it consumes. The wolf is not evil but a warning, one created by the path that moves and curls around the forest, a way of keeping you focused and not dead. The wolf is not evil, it eats what you eat, it grows from what you learn. The wolf is not evil but a companion, one to listen to when you are traveling, hoping for the next curve of the trail to show the shadows of a town nearby. The wolf is not evil, but a guide, a mortal one, that can travel between what you know and what you definitely shouldn’t pry about. The wolf is not evil. Merely carnivorous.

#yes #they are connected #in a way #I'm creating a time line on the go but I plan to have something done by the end of the month that you can follow through if you read them #aughost

[desiraypark]

Stuck in the Mud

Characters: (Late) 60s!AdamSackler x Joyce (Black/Female OC) x Baby 

Content: New parent blues. Growing pains. Woodstock ‘69.  Y’all know what this picture does to me. 

August 15, 1969

“This is such fucking bullshit...” Adam mumbled. He pounded his fist against the steering wheel. “This is SUCH fucking bullshit!”

Her shirt lifted so that air could hit her belly, Joyce held her hand out the passenger window, letting the smothering air float through her fingers. All afternoon, she listened to Adam complain about everything. While everyone abandoned their cars to join the chaotic fun, Adam and Joyce sat in their borrowed car, bickering like the married couple they were. 

“Look at those fucking idiots still jumping the barricade. The festival is shit, just walk through. Fuckin’ assholes...”

Joyce released an exasperated sigh.

“Say it,” Adam said. “Fuckin’ say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say what’s on your mind.”

“There’s nothing on my mind, Adam.”

Adam scoffed and chewed his lip. “I hate when you fuckin’ do that.”

“Hate when I do what, Adam?”

“Pretend like you’re not mad about shit and then call me by name after every fucking sentence.”

“You know what I am about to get mad about?” Joyce asked.

“What?”

“You fuckin’ cursing at me like I fuckin’ did something to you!”

“I’m not fuckin’ cursing at you!” Adam argued.

“Yes, you fuckin’ are!”

“I’m fuckin’ NOT!!!”

Joyce rolled her eyes and reached behind Adam’s seat. She lifted the lid of the Thermaster cooler and pulled out a sandwich. “You want your sandwich?”

“No.”

Joyce huffed and pulled out a sandwich, a bottle opener, and a bottle of 7Up. First, she opened the soda and took a sip. Then, she pulled the foil away from a lake trout sandwich she’d made the night before. 

“Is that fucking fish?” Adam asked, face contorted.

“Yes, Adam. Yes, it’s fucking fish. You watched my fry the fucking fish last night.”

“I can’t take Ray’s car back smelling like fish!”

Joyce chewed on the inside of her mouth. Then, she grabbed the door handle and climbed out of the car with her food and drink in hand. Suddenly, she appeared in front of the car, and Adam watched her walk down the road. 

“Joyce? Where the fuck are you going?” he called out of the window. Without turning around, Joyce stuck her middle finger up and continued down the road.

ONE MONTH EARLIER

Joyce unlocked the door and stepped into the apartment, contemplative. Adam followed her inside, holding a box of pizza. He kicked the door closed, and Joyce jumped as if a lightbulb had gone off in her head. She rushed to Boots’ bedroom and looked inside the crib. Yes, she did pack Teddy.

“You didn’t fuckin’ forget anything, Joyce!” Adam shouted from the kitchen.

Joyce sighed. “I know.”

Just as she’d turned around, Adam was gliding into the bedroom--a singular step of his equated to two of hers. She wrapped his arms around Joyce’s waist and pulled her close.

“We’re going to go into this kitchen, we’re going to eat this fucking pizza, then we’re going to fuck all night.”

Joyce laughed. “I know the itinerary, Adam.”

“The baby’s fine,” he said.

Joyce looked down, but Adam lifted her face by the chin. “Say it.”

“The baby’s fine,” Joyce repeated. 

“Your sister has two fucking kids, she knows what she’s doing.”

“I know, I know,” Joyce said. She pulled away from Adam’s grip and paced the bedroom. “But what if something happens? What if she gets sick? What if she eats something she’s allergic to and we don’t know she’s allergic to it?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Smalls,” Adam said. He took Joyce’s hand. “Come the fuck on before the food gets cold.”

Adam pulled Joyce through the living room and suddenly, the phone rang.

“Don’t answer it!” he said, tugging on her hand. Joyce pressed her nails into Adam’s wrist.

“Ah! Fuck!”

As she turned on her heels to grab the phone, he smacked her ass. 

“Hello?” Joyce answered. “Hey, Ma.”

Adam rolled his eyes and faked pain--hunching his shoulders and touching his chest.

“I’m doing alright, and you?” Joyce asked, biting down a smile. Adam fell to the floor slowly and dramatically. “Oh, that’s good to hear...”

Joyce covered her mouth as Adam stretched out on the floor, panting and panting until he let his head fall to the side. He closed his eyes and let his tongue hang out like roadkill. 

“We’re doing alright. Laurie is actually over at Jessica’s for the evening...just to give us a little time off...”

Adam opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Suddenly, he lifted his hands and pressed his fingers against an invisible waist. 

“...well, Ma, I surely don’t want to drive from New York to Philly just to bring my newborn baby for a weekend, and I sure wouldn’t have you and Dad drive all the way up here for it...” Joyce said. Her eyebrows furrowed at the sight before her. 

“Uhhh...” Adam moaned. “Your pussy is still so tight...”

Joyce kicked the coffee table to get Adam’s attention, but he only chuckled. “Well, she’s still a newborn to me...”

Adam began to thrust in the air. “Fuckkkk...am I fucking you good baby?” He increased the pitch of his voice, imitating Joyce. “Yes, baby, yes!”

He lowered his pitch to imitate himself. “How good?”

“I can feel your dick in my belly!” he moaned, imitating Joyce again.

Joyce covered the phone’s mouthpiece and turned her back to Adam. “I don’t know, something weird on TV...well, how about this, how about you two come up here and stay for a weekend, some day?”

Suddenly, Joyce felt the sofa cushion dip behind her. Adam placed soft kisses against her shoulder--bare under the spaghetti straps of her striped tank-top.

“Well, look, Ma--me and Adam are about to eat dinner, I’ll call you back in about an hour?”

“You’ll call her back tomorrow,” Adam whispered. He cleared his throat and leaned over Joyce’s shoulder. “Hi, Mrs. Martin!”

“She said, “Hey, baby”,” Joyce said. She wiggled her shoulder to relieve herself of the pressure of Adam’s chin. “Alright, Ma. Love you. Tell Daddy I said “hey.””

Joyce hung up the phone, turned around, and poked Adam in the chest. “You’re disgusting!”

“Grrrr,” Adam growled. He leaned in to take nibbles at her neck, making her chuckle and squeal. Then, she waved him away.

Just as the two of them rose from the sofa, the phone rang again. 

“Don’t answer it!” Adam shouted.

“It could be Jessica!” Joyce exclaimed. She picked up the phone and Adam scoffed and walked toward the kitchen. “Hello? Hi, Ms. Fran!”

Adam flew out of the kitchen and shook his head from left to right. “Yes, he’s here.”

Adam’s fingers curled, forming the shape of an invisible neck between them. Joyce smiled and held out the phone to her husband. 

DAYS LATER

“You know that arts festival they’ve been talking about?” Adam asked, walking into the kitchen with Boots in his arm. True to her nickname, Laurie “Boots” Sackler began wiggling her toes and kicking her foot, anxious to prove to her parents that she didn’t need them to carry her around anymore. But Adam paid her no mind--he only pulled her closer. 

“Good evening,” Joyce said, flashing Adam a smile as she stirred sauce in a pot. 

Adam leaned in to kiss her on the lips. “Good evening. How was your day?”

“My day was fine. And yours?”

Adam sat at the kitchen table, moving Boots onto the opposite side of him as she tugged at his shirt. “It was great. You know that music festival they’ve been talking about? Music and art?”

“Nope,” Joyce responded. She turned off the stove burner. 

“Well, there’s this arts and music festival coming to White Lake next month...”

“I have no clue where White Lake is...” Joyce responded. She walked to the cupboard and pulled out two ceramic bowls.

“It’s further north. Well, anyway. I got us tickets.”

“Oh, okay. Sounds fun. When is it, what time?” Joyce asked unenthusiastically. “What kind of art, what kind of music?”

“Janis Joplin’s gonna be there. Santana. Creedence Clearwater. Sly and the Family Stone...”

Joyce whirled around with big, bright eyes. “Sly and the Family Stone? Why didn’t you just say that in the beginning?!”

Adam grinned. “Well, it’s a three-day festival...”

“When will Sly and ‘em be there?” Joyce asked, dumping penne noodles into one of the bowls. Then the second.

“The second day I think. But I wanted us to go for all three days...” Adam added carefully. 

Joyce shook her head “no” and placed the pot of strained noodles back on the stove. “I’m not leaving my baby for three days.”

“We can take her with us,” Adam suggested, placing a kiss on Boots’ forehead. 

Joyce sighed and looked at Adam. “How far away is White Lake?”

“Joyce...”

“Yes?” she responded.

Adam stood up and walked over to Joyce, towering over her and staring into her eyes. “Let me take care of everything. I want us to start having fuckin’ fun again.”

Joyce’s neck snapped backward. “We always have fun! What do you mean?”

“We don’t really go out anymore, babe,” Adam said. He paced the kitchen floor with the baby as Joyce finished making their bowls. “We’re still fucking young and we don’t do young shit anymore. 

Joyce carried the bowls of pasta to the table. “Do I make you feel old, Adam?”

Adam’s shoulders fell. “No, honey...it’s just...we got married and had a baby, and now we’re just...stuck. Doing the same shit over and over again. And this wasn’t us before. We were always doing some new, crazy shit...”

Boots grabbed her father’s hair--dark and full like hers. “Now, the craziest shit we do is eat pizza and watch fuckin’ Bonanza with our fuckin’ pants off.” Adam gently pulled Boots’ hand away. 

“I don’t know, Adam. Let me think about it. Okay?”

____________________

August 15, 1969 

“We’re not moving anymore,” a bearded man had shouted down the road with his arms up. He and three other people had climbed out of their car, and he walked the road to warn the people behind him. He paced back toward his own car. “We’re done. We’re stuck.”

People had parked on the side of the road and walked toward the festival. Not Adam. He parked the car and pouted like a child. Hotels and motels were booked, so Boots stayed home. There were no vacancies anywhere near the farm in White Lake. Or Bethel. “Wherever the fuck we are,” Adam had said.

It was hot and sticky--and there had long been calls for rain. The land was already muddy from previous rains. What was supposed to be a two-hour drive felt like an eternity--it seemed that everyone in New York City was headed to the same place at the very same time. This wasn’t what Adam had in mind. This was supposed to be fun--not a fucking headache.

“So, what are we gonna do? Just sit here?” Joyce asked. 

“We were supposed to have a motel room. We’re supposed to be out there with everybody else. We might as well be back in Brooklyn watching the fuckin’ show,” Adam complained. 

Joyce grabbed Adam’s face and kissed him on the lips. “We’re here now. Aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we’re fucking here.”

“Let’s see what all the fuss is about,” Joyce said.

Adam nodded. “Okay. But we’ve got tickets. We’re not gonna be assholes and jump the fuckin’ fences.”

“Okay, baby.” Adam and Joyce walked around for about thirty minutes before irritation took over again. The place was muddy and there was barely room to move. No shelter from the setting sun. They’d barely checked out the art vendors before they made their way back to the car. 

____________________

“Joyce!” Adam called from the window. He hopped out of the car and called down the road again. “Where the fuck are you going?!”

Joyce turned around and walked backwards. “Stop making a scene, Adam!”

Suddenly, the ground under Joyce disappeared. She fell backward--ass first into a pile of mud. 

“Oh, shit,” Adam mumbled. Festival attendees scattered about at their cars covered their chuckles, while others were prepared to step away and help Joyce up. But Adam made it in time. 

“Fucking, shit, Smalls,” he said. Joyce pouted at her lost sandwich and soda and took Adam’s hand. She was halfway up when Adam suddenly broke out into laughter. Unable to control himself, he accidentally let Joyce’s hand go, letting her fall back into the mud.

“Adam!” she cried. 

“Shit, I’m sorry!” 

Adam held out his hand again, but as Joyce grabbed it, she tugged hard to pull him down on the ground with her. Of course, “Smalls” wasn’t big or strong enough to pull him down, but he’d lost his footing and fell forward beside her. This time, making all the onlookers burst into joyous laughter. 

“That’s right, get him!” a woman shouted in the distance. 

“Good old payback!” another said with a laugh. 

Adam and Joyce sat up--two 30-something year-olds--giggling in a pile of mud. 

Hours Later

Adam and Joyce walked the festival grounds with muddy backsides for a couple of hours. They met new people, bought a few pieces of art and jewelry, then made their way back to their car before the expected rain came down. They placed a blanket along the front seat and sat inside with the windows partially rolled down. Rain poured from the clouds and Ravi Shankar’s sitar filled the country night air. 

“I’m sorry,” Adam said after a seemingly never-ending silence.  “I just wanted to do something for you. For us.”

“And I’m enjoying myself, Adam,” Joyce responded. “It’s not ideal. But we said we wanted to do something fun and crazy right?”

“Forty dollars to come to this shit and we can’t even enjoy it. We can’t even see who’s on stage. Smells like fuckin’ piss and balls all over the place. We’ve got mud all over our asses.”

“You’ve put worse things on my ass,” Joyce interrupted. She bit her lip, then released a chuckle. Adam laughed, too. 

“Fuck. Maybe we’re not as young as I thought,” he resigned. 

Joyce sighed and rested her head on Adam’s chest. “Or maybe we’re just comfortable around each other. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with watching Bonanza with no pants on.”

Adam laughed. “Maybe we can spice shit up and fuck on each other every time Hoss gets into a fuckin’ fight.”

“We can watch the show, but if Hoss gets into a bar fight, you have to take your dick out.”

“YES!” Adam agreed excitedly. “And you have to suck it.”

Joyce burst into laughter again. “Blowjobs for Hoss fights, pussy-eating for Little Joe fights.” 

“Fuckin’ deal,” Adam agreed. They laughed together once more, then fell into a comforting silence.

“I’ve got an idea...” Joyce said, breaking the serenity. 

“What?”

She turned Adam’s face toward hers by his chin and kissed him on the lips. Then, she let the tip of her finger trail down his chest. “Let’s do somethin’ crazy right now...”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah...”

“We can’t take Ray’s car back smelling like--”

“You’d better not say smelling like fish!”

Adam laughed. “No, you smell more like sweaty...”

“Don’t you fuckin’ finish that sentence,” Joyce said.

He laughed again--like a mischievous and troublesome kid. Joyce bit her lip and ran her hand along Adam’s thigh. He let his hand slide under her shirt and over her belly. Then, he pulled his hand away, and used both hands to unbutton her top.

#i had no goal no outline no mission lol

[keroujack]

Omgosh hi ☺️ #25 from the prompt list if that's ok, thank you!! 💗

absolutely 🥰 hope you like it!!

25. “Why aren’t you dating him again?”

billy: hey

billy: you busy?

Snapchat: from hargrovebills

billy: im bored

Instagram: @bhargrove sent you a post

Instagram: @bhargrove sent you a post

billy: that new star wars is still playing at the regal

billy: you wanna go

Snapchat: from hargrovebills

billy: hey dickhead

billy: are you kidding

billy: whatever

billy: im blocking u

13 new notifications. Steve got out of the shower to 13 new notifications.

He’d left his phone on the kitchen counter to charge. Left the bathroom to find it, found Robin standing in front of the stove, mindlessly stirring a pot of pasta while he swiped across the screen and unlocked it, looked through all 13 of the notifications.

Held in a snort at all the texts, laughed at the Instagram posts, rolled his eyes a little at the pouty Snapchat selfies, maybe smiled a little more.

“What are you smiling at?”

Busted.

He locked his phone and turned it face down before he could answer any of the messages back. Said, “Nothing,” but the word just made Robin snort.

“Is that what you’re calling him now?” she asked. “Nothing?”

He felt a flush crawl up his neck, swallowed hard and hoped his cheeks were already a little red from a hot shower so that it could hide the blush.  

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh really?” Her eyes left the pot then, looked at him with her eyebrows raised, a smile on her lips. Too wide. Too bright. “So Billy didn’t blow up your phone when you were in the shower then.”

The way she said it gave away that she already knew. She knew exactly who all those notifications were from and Steve’s face was. Hot. His face was definitely hot now.

“He was just bored.”

“You were only gone for like, 15 minutes, Steve. Are you two that fuckin’ codependent that he can’t go 15 minutes without talking to you?”

“Would you cool it with that shit already?” He spoke around a huff, a short puff of air that left his lungs with a rush. “We’re not codependent. He just-”

He stopped talking when his phone vibrated under his hand, loud against the counter. Made his face twist. Made her smile widen.

“You were saying?”

“Shut up. I was telling you to shut up.”

“Tell me something else,” and she didn’t wait for him to say yes or no before she kept going, “and I want an honest answer this time.”

He shifted in his seat, braced for impact. “What?”

“Why aren’t you dating him again?”

He knew that was coming. He did. She brought it up at least once a week. Three or four times if she was feeling particularly interested in toying with his life.

But like he did once a week, or three or four times, Steve just lifted his shoulders. Said, “He’s not interested.”

“Jesus.” She shook her head as she looked back down at the pot and stirred. “You know, you’re an idiot if you actually believe that.”

“I don’t believe anything,” he argued. “I know he’s not.”

But right on cue, his phone went off again under his hand.

And again.

And again.

Three times in rapid succession.

There was something like pain in her eyes when she shot him another look.

“Oh yeah. Because that sounds not interested.” Another buzz. “And maybe you should answer him back before he develops some sort of stress ulcer.”

Steve didn’t justify any of that with a response. Just rolled his eyes for show and looked down at his phone, unlocked it, opened up the five new iMessages that were sitting there waiting for him and ignored the butterflies swirling in the pit of his stomach.

billy: did you die

billy: youre not allowed to die when im bored

billy: do you think theyll let me talk at your funeral

billy: here lies pretty boy

billy: id miss him if he wasnt a piece of shit that didnt answer my texts

                                               youre ridiculous

billy: and youre an asshole

                                              does that mean u dont wanna go to the

                                              movies anymore or

billy: depends

                                              on

billy: whether or not you pay for the tickets

                                              i paid for them last time

billy: u also stopped answering me

                                             drama queen

billy: dickhead

                                            fine

                                            but i don’t feel like driving

billy: figured you didnt

billy: pick you up at 7:30?

                                            perf

Robin’s voice was all too chipper from her spot in front of the stove.

“You going to the movies?”

His heart sank.

“Yeah.”

“He picking you up?”

Sank a little further.

“Yeah.”

“And it’s still not a date?”

Maybe she had a point.

He said, “Shut up,” anyway, but maybe she was onto something.

Just maybe.

#harringrove #harringrove fic #my fic #steve harrington #billy hargrove

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Dino Watches Anime (Nov 15)

BOI, I HAVE A MIDTERM ON TUESDAY AND TEST ON WEDNESDAY. SCREW THAT. I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE ANIME I’VE BEEN WATCHING IN BETWEEN STUDY SESSIONS! Yeah, the studying is like 2% while the anime and games are like 98%... I’m working on that, okay? Anyway, I’m going to cover mostly seasonal stuff with some other stuff.

Let’s go over the seasonal stuff first. Summer had so few anime coming out whereas Autumn/Fall came in like, “OPEN THE FLOODGATES! LET’S GO!!!” I haven’t even gotten around to all the anime airing this season that I want to like Yuukoku no Moriarty, Majo no Tabitabi, and Adachi to Shimamura. I missed some last season too like Deca-Dance which I just didn’t want to commit to if it was only for the good animation.

Taisou Samurai (DROPPED) 

I dropped it after two episodes. MAPPA has two major series this season, but they clearly gave more time and attention to the one that was actually going to make money here (which I’ll talk about later). This one seems like a passion project without the passion in it anymore. It’s like opening a bag of chips and finding out they went stale long before you even reached into the bag.

Taisou Samurai, at its core, has a premise that I found really promising. I happen to like watching gymnastics sometimes, and the idea of an athlete who doesn’t want to retire is interesting. They went wrong with the execution. I don’t know what they were trying to pull here, but with unlikeable characters and a terrible run at it, it’s like they weren’t playing with a full deck of cards here.

Also, if you don’t know what a gyaru is, one of the supporting characters will look like a racist caricature. Also, this bird has no other point than to try to make up for this show’s lack of usable humour by using Kappei Yamaguchi’s range and going, “Please, save this show. I beg you.” 

I didn’t even bother giving this show three episodes to drag me in because I just couldn’t see myself wasting another 20 minutes here. Maybe I’ll have a change of heart, but for now, I should be having better things to do.

Munou na Nana (WOULDN’T RECOMMEND)

I know everyone has made this joke already, but this is really just My Hero Academia x Among Us. I feel like if there was some more... budget put into this anime, they could’ve made it a lot better. The manga had a lot more detail, so a lot of the gruesome scenes with zombies or killings, etc. were muted and toned down beyond belief. Not to mention, I guess watching it after I read the manga just made me feel stupid. This is such a junkie show that pulls tricks that everyone knows is coming. Nonetheless, I can’t find some big reason to say “do not watch this” because it’s still a very mediocre show. It has its good points, but its presentation devalues it, the voice acting is meh (especially since Yuuichi Nakamura is playing THREE overpowered main cast characters this season), and the jig is up after the first episode, so the twists are just to make you sympathize more with the imposter. I haven’t seen a show like this for a while though, so I guess you can watch it if you want something refreshing like that. I don’t think you’re supposed to like this cast of characters, so I won’t say anything against not liking this cast. 

Kamisama ni Natta Hi (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

Jun Maeda... the man who manages to incorporate baseball into every anime he does... seriously, every anime I’ve watched by him has it from Angel Beats to Charlotte to that unfinished Little Busters I just left on hold. Anyway, Kamisama is no exception. Jun Maeda has a reputation for building touching stories that start off strong then really lose their footing once he realizes that he’s not going to get 24 episodes and needs to squeeze all of those 16 episodes of story left into 4 episodes or so. It also doesn’t help that sometimes he goes off on useless storylines that pay no use to the story. 

Hina is really funny sometimes (but can be annoying). Narukami is funny. Really, everyone has some valid point about them that makes the show better compared to the previous entries. 

Seriously, some little kid comes up to you and goes, “The world is ending, I am God, and I’m going to stick by you.” Meanwhile, you’re just a simp that’s trying to get your childhood friend to fall for you.

Honestly, I’m still having a blast watching this. As much as Maeda’s writing can really suffer from tonal shifts (mostly in the end), I still wanted to watch this anime simply because I always like his storytelling in the beginning, and the laughs it brings can sometimes still muddle out the bitter taste that’s left in your mouth when the series finishes. I can already feel this train going down a slide and off a cliff. I already paid for my ticket though, so I’m obligated to stay on this shootshow until the end.

Seriously, I do not like where some of these relationships are heading. 

Maoujou de Oyasumi (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

This anime is relatable. It can get stale fast for a lot of people, but every time I think I’m going to get sick of it, it pulls one of the same gags that makes me go, “This. This is why I’m sticking with this.” I’m not sure how much more there is to say. It’s just an abducted princess who couldn’t care less that she’s a hostage and instead, takes this newfound time to take some good ZZZs. What a life.

Oh yeah, this princess is also willing to commit murder, mutilation, theft, and assault to get the sleep she wants. 

Tonikaku Kawaii (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

I’m not dropping this show... even if it makes no sense. The premise is astoundingly stupid, but it pulled a Zombieland Saga on me. It sounded so stupid, but once I gave it one episode, I found myself being entertained and almost rooting for the characters and their relationships. 

Imagine this: You are about to get into the high school of your dreams when you see the girl of your dreams cross your path. You want to ask her out so you jump over the barricade and get hit by a truck. You’re on the brink of death when you realize you can’t die there without confessing your love. You chase her down with blood coming out of your head and confess. She says that she’ll only go out with you if you marry her. You then... somehow survive, drop out of school, then get a job to search for her. I kid you not. This is the setup. It’s as stupid as it sounds, and the anime knows this. It doesn’t try to fool you into thinking that this series is supposed to be anything but some highway fast-track way to convince you into watching a married couple. I think what irked me the most is that the character designs didn’t change from when they were in middle school to when they were adults. It wasn’t the being hit by a truck and not being sent to another world, it wasn’t this girl who stopped the truck without ruining her hair, it wasn’t anything else but their character designs staying the same. 

Anyway, this anime is cute as long as you can jump some hurdles. It’s basically puppy-love marriage with anime stupidity through and through. I don’t know what about this series people, including myself, find charming. 

Jujutsu Kaisen (RECOMMENDED - BUT DON’T COMPARE TO DEMON SLAYER TOO MUCH!)

It’s Shonen Jump. “Will it be the next Kimetsu no Yaiba? The next big Shonen Jump series? One of the next big three? Five?” No, I don’t think so. I’m not enjoying this nearly as much as I did binging KNY. The cast isn’t nearly as likeable, but I’m still having a good time. It’s not all that fair to make that comparison anyway. The cast for Jujutsu Kaisen is passable. I like some of the main cast, but I feel like they lack the same kind of depth with its main heroine. I know she gets more stuff done in the future chapters, but her backstory so far is, “I had a friend once... No, she’s not dead. She just left our small town.”

The fight scenes are actually so much fun to watch. MAPPA gave this series a lot more time and budget than say that first anime I mentioned. It’s fluid, the camerawork is amazing, the choreography is on-point. 

The voice acting for this anime is spectacular among the main cast... when character dialogue allows it.

I feel a bit of imbalance, but Yuuji does offer a good protagonist template. Junya Enoki makes his lines so funny and gives this nonchalant approach that is the polar opposite of his performance in Tonikawa. This is definitely his season.

Junichi Suwabe voicing the main demon thing is amazing too. It fits so well, and he sounds so cool and evil. It’s great.

Gojou is also one badass mentor played by Yuuichi Nakamura. Overpowered, part of the main cast, etc. Insert your reverse Kakashi joke here. Just give him more Sharingan genjutsu, I dare you. 

Yuuma Uchida is back playing another tragic character that’s serious and uptight. I can’t say much more about him.

The opening and ending are both worth listening to even if you don’t want to watch the anime. Lost in Paradise by ALI has been on repeat for me.

Besides that, I’m going to go over some other anime that I’ve been watching.

Hunter x Hunter (AS IF THIS HASN’T BEEN RECOMMENDED ENOUGH)

Slowly. Slowly but surely. 11/148.

I know this is going to be amazing... I just want to be in the right mood to full savour it. I don’t want to be consumed by stress and not pay attention. The reason why I like a lot of those seasonal anime is because I don’t pay the same kind of attention. 

If you told me these characters’ ages, I probably would’ve believed everyone... except Leorio. The guy looks like a middle-aged money-hungry gangster.

What I would give to have the energy and serotonin of a Shonen Jump protagonist. 

Haikyuu (YEAH, IT’S GOOD)

I’m watching this one with my mom and sister as they go “OMG OMG OMG” as we watch while I’m sitting there like -_-

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good show, but sports anime are made like shounen battle anime (because they are in a way) with different stakes. I’ve felt more “nervous” about some of the Haikyuu matches than I did with some of the Hunter Exam. Worst case scenario in Haikyuu, you lose the match. Worst case scenario in Hunter x Hunter? You die. 

I knew what I was going to get into when I was watching Haikyuu, and it’s given me what I remembered (since I did watch 10 episodes of it a few years ago) and expected.

SKET Dance (HIGHLY RECOMMEND)

Unfollow me. Unfollow me right now. This is what I’m going to be talking about for the next month. I can feel it. I’ve had this show for like 3 days and watched around 33 episodes along with some of these other titles. I have a problem. I know that, but I don’t feel like fixing it. This show is just too good.

I get why people call this a poor man’s Gintama, but it’s not quite that. I can get the similarities, but it’s like eating an empanada and saying that it’s just like that dumpling you tasted last week. It looks alike on the surface... if you’re not that great at... telling the difference between things... but once you get to the meat of it (PUN HAHA), you realize that they are completely different, and you were a fool for thinking otherwise. 

That’s our main heroine! Go go go!

Dude, episode 25 hit me out of nowhere, AND I READ THE SPOILERS! I won’t say any more than that.

The cast is one of the best that I’ve seen in a while. Their chemistry is basically the entire show. Without one of the main three, you wouldn’t have the show anymore. It handles its female characters better than some of its fellow competitors at the time, and it may have what some may call a “token fat character”, but the character never makes fun of her for being fat. They make fun of her for saying “Yabasu” every single sentence. It hurts that the manga ended with some loose ends, and this anime isn’t getting a season 2.

But at its weird and mushy core, this show is about three people with heavy and complex pasts who simply want to help people work out their issues in their own... unique ways. 

I don’t want to say much else, but I wish more people would watch/read it and create/post most content for it even if it’s a bit old because it deserves it. I’m almost a decade late, and this anime still holds up.

I gave Mairimashita Iruma-kun its own post.

#dino watches anime #seasonal anime #sket dance #haikyuu #hxh #hunter x hunter #tonikaku kawaii #tonikawa #kamisama ni natta hi #Jujutsu Kaisen

[daisukitty]

29.12.2020

Hey y’all ! Just a recap on my 2020.

So, for the past few years I’ve been busy with my job and other shenanigans. I finally decided to begin my journey in working abroad, I’m looking at you IRELAND. Why Ireland? I have two aunts who work in Hospitals abroad (Ireland and America), they always share stories about their job and life abroad, I find Ireland more enticing because I think the weather and the mood in Ireland would suit me better than the US, I am a person who enjoys cool cold weather after all. Anyways, I sat and took the IELTS exam twice on 2019 but sadly I did not reach a passing mark in my writing test in both of them. Luckily, a close friend of mine invited me to take the OET exam, albeit it was rather expensive I gave it a go and thankfully passed the exam. Passing the exam was my ticket to apply in Ireland as a Non-EU applicant.

The NMBI process was easy once you have all the available documents at hand, the waiting part is tough but it’s over within 6 months or less. The part where I had a hard time was procuring my PRC documents, I had to go to Davao City since it needs to be sent by a Regional office. So, amidst the pandemic and the threat to visiting a covid-19 hotspot, I really needed those documents so I had to force my mom to let me go even if I travel alone. It was the first time I drove to Davao by myself, and what do you know my tire exploded, I wasn’t hurt (THANK GOD!) and I had a spare tire, a bystander helped me find a car mechanic to change the tire. It was a 4 hour ride, time was ticking, by the way I cried when I got back on the road thinking ‘I could have died back there.’ So I arrived at PRC and I find out that they were about to stop accepting applicants because they’re only open in the Morning and I got there at 10:30am. Close call but I got in. I started processing and then I was informed that there were no stamps left, the stamps are needed for processing documents. My heart sank, I asked them where I might be able to buy the stamps, but they said even the ones selling outside has none left, and they don’t know when the stamps will be available. My heart sank even deeper, I came there with only one goal and I almost got into an accident and I won’t even get what I came for. The NMBI deadline was nearing its end and the PRC documents is the only requirement left. If I don’t get this now, I will have to reschedule my appointment and the next available date is past my NMBI deadline. I was teary eyed, thinking of just leaving and accepting my destiny, I went to the gate and talked to the guard eating his lunch. He told me to go back inside and wait for him, so I did. After a few minutes he approached me together with an applicant, the guy gave me 2 stamps, he said he brought four earlier, so he gave it to me. I paid him, and I paid the guard. I felt so blessed, I was being helped by strangers whenever I encountered problems. I finished processing and went home directly.

After a month of waiting, I received my Decision Letter from NMBI (October 25), that day I began sending my CVs to various Hospitals and Agencies who are advertising for Theatre Nurse vacancies. November 09, I was chilling at home drawing on my pen tablet when my phone suddenly rang, my eyes widened and my heart beat fast after reading [IRELAND] on my phone screen, I picked up my phone and frantically paced around the house, it was from an agency called CCM recruitment. The call went like this:

agent: Hello? Is this [my name] ?

Nina: Yes, yes maam, speaking.

agent: Okay. I am from CCM Recruitment, are you available for a pre-screening interview right now?

Nina: (right now? I’m not prepared...I need to prepare!) uhm, I’m actually at work today maam (LIES!)

agent: oh, is that so, sorry for calling at this hour.

Nina: No, no, i’ts fine maam. I’m off duty tomorrow.

agent: Okay, can we have the interview tomorrow?

Nina: Sure maam, at what time would that be?

agent: same time. okay? talk to you tomorrow nina.

Nina: thank you very much for calling maam.

And that’s how I escaped because I got scared of not knowing what questions she’ll throw me. I researched some examples on pre-screening interviews and asked a group of nurses with the same experience on what I should be expecting. The day finally came, her first words were ‘sorry ha, natagalan.’ so I thought, ohhh a filipina? My agent was a filipina, I felt a bit relieved knowing that. She just clarified things about my experiences and background, most of her questions were about what I have written on my CV. When I heard the words ‘Okay nina, I’ll help you land a job here in Ireland.’ I was screaming internally! I reviewed my CV after the interview and found a mistake on the year when I started in the OR, I was scared I thought that I would loose my credibility as an applicant and that they would be disappointed and reject my application. I emailed Maam Beth (agent) about the mistake and she replied ‘noted.’ I got my confidence back, I felt blessed to have a kind and understanding agent like her. 

December 2, I received a call from Maam Beth, she was bearing good news:

Beth: Hello nina, sorry medyo natagalan tayo, ilang weeks din tayo na tengga.

Nina: Hello maam beth, no worries po maam.

Beth: soo, my good news ako, may interested na employer sayo no, 2 hospitals and scheduled for interview next week. (SHOOKT) yung CHI and yung isa naman Blackrock, bale may webinar so mag attend ka ha.

Nina: wow, thank you po maam beth.

We discussed about the schedule of the interview and what to do to prepare for an interview. I attended the webinar but it focused only on CHI, I found out later that I was not short-listed for CHI so I focused on Blackrock Clinic Hospital. December 9, the interview schedule was later at 11pm which is 3pm in Ireland, I was told that the interviewer will be the Matron of BRC (Carmel). I was super nervous, I just left the window open, she was late for 30 minutes, I got scared coz I thought she skipped my file or something. When I saw her on the screen I said “oh Hi maam, I saw you on youtube.” A bit unprofessional but she chuckled and I gained a  bit of confidence. The interview lasted for 15-18 minutes, she asked about my experiences in OR and some situational questions inside the theatre, she asked if I would be able to handle their hospital since my current hospital is not as busy and stuff like that, she asked if I’ll be able to pass the RCSI exam, and many more. The interview ended, I did not really know if I did well or if my answers were enough to pass but I lighted a  candle in the Church and prayed to pass. December 10, I received a call from maam beth, at first she asked if we discussed the salary and I said no she didn’t tell me. I thought, the salary wsnt discussed by her because maybe I didn’t pass the interview...I felt sad, but then maam beth broke the silence with a “congratulations”. I was overjoyed, I PASSED!? I PASSED!! She told me about the salary and the RCSI exam and about the next steps. The next day I signed the contract.

I’m still currently processing the papers that were sent by Ate beth (she wants me to call her that and not maam) and some requirements that I need to secure like GP check-up and vaccination status, I’m still employed in the Philippines right now, the next RCSI exam is  on March 2021, I’m not sure if i’ll be able to sit that one with the current pandemic but I’m hoping for the best! I AM FAVORED AND BLESSED IN SO MANY WAYS! I guess my next post will be when I arrive in Ireland.

#theatre nurse #nurse #blackrock clinic

[argylemnwrites]

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment - Chapter 21

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (Canon Divergent from Book 2, Chapter 15)

Word Count: ~4600

Rating: R (language)

Summary: Riley and Drake settle in for the next chapter of their lives.

Author’s Note: Wow. Just the epilogue is left. I can’t believe this story is basically complete.

This series diverges from TRR canon, where instead of waiting to discuss his relationship with Riley until their last night in NYC, leaving her a note while Liam is proposing to her, Drake tackles this topic as soon as possible after Tariq makes his statement and Riley’s name is cleared. To catch up on this series, you can find the previous chapters in my masterlist (link is located in my bio).

Drake heard the locks on the apartment door clicking open and the squeak of the hinges, pulling him awake. He had no idea what time it was. With the time zone changes and his numerous flights over the past couple of days, any traces of an internal clock were blown to hell completely.

He heard Riley, clearly trying to move through the small space quietly. He figured it couldn’t be too late, otherwise she probably wouldn’t be making that much of an effort to stay relatively silent. Of course, given the number of times he’d woken up last night, his body clearly having no idea what time of day it was, maybe she was just being nice and letting him sleep in. He was contemplating keeping his eyes closed and seeing if he could fall back asleep, but when she turned on the faucet, any possibility of him drifting off again went out the window.

“What time is it?” he asked, clearing his throat and cracking his eyes open. Riley was in the little kitchen area of her apartment, in front of the coffee maker which Drake heard gurgling to life. She was still in her glasses and her hair was thrown into a messy sort of braid over her shoulder. She was wearing a blue t-shirt with a red “ny” printed across the front, but oddly enough, was wiggling out of the jeans she was wearing. She glanced up at his question, giving him a warm smile.

“A little before 10,” she said as she continued to peel off her pants.

Alright, well he’d slept in a lot, but at least it was still morning. Maybe he’d be able to correct his sleep schedule in the next night or two. He stretched slightly and sat up in bed. “Not that I mind,” he said as he let out a yawn, “but why are you getting undressed?”

She laughed, stepping out of her jeans and turning to the radiator that was on the side wall, crouching down and turning it on. “It’s brick out today, so I’m gonna have to turn on the heat, but this radiator has two settings, off and insanely boiling. ”

“So your radiator works… too well?”

“Yeah, living here in the winter means a very minimalistic dress code. And don’t ever put anything on it to dry or you’ll definitely burn down the building.”

“Noted. Where’d you go this morning?”

She grabbed a little white bag off the counter and flopped back down on the bed, handing it to him as she propped her pillows up against the wall and settled in. “Grabbing breakfast,” she finally replied, nodding at the bag she’d handed to him.

“I would have made us breakfast. You could have woken me up if you were hungry.”

Riley smiled, but she shook her head slightly before she dropped it to his shoulder, “I want you to be happy here.”

Her statement caught Drake off guard. “I don’t mind cooking, Liu.”

“And while I intend to keep reaping the benefits of that fact, I want you to actually experience some of the fun things about New York.”

“And that means… bagels?” Drake asked as he peeked inside the bag.

“New York City bagels are special. Nowhere else in the world gets them right.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m serious, Drake! Bagels in Cordonia are just not the same.”

“I’ll keep an open mind,” he said with an eye roll. “What kind did you get?”

“Sesame and everything,” she replied. Drake held the bag open for her to pick first, but she shook her head. “I like them both; you should pick.”

“What about ladies first?”

“Well, good thing I not a fucking lady,” she said raising an eyebrow. Drake just laughed and pulled out the sesame bagel before he passed the bag to Riley. She watched him expectantly as he took a bite. It was a damn good bagel, but he didn’t know if it was as life-changing as she made it out to be.

“So?” she asked once he swallowed down his first bite.

“It’s good, Liu.”

“Just good?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s a good bagel.”

“Whatever, you just don’t get it,” she said, shaking her head and pulling the other bagel out of the bag. Drake smiled before he took another bite.

“Eating these in bed was a terrible idea,” he said as he watched crumbs and sesame seeds tumble onto the sheets.

Riley shrugged, “We’ll just do laundry later. I have to go through and clean some stuff out of the closet and dresser anyway.”

“Why?”

“So you can finally get some space for your stuff and stop living out of a suitcase.”

Drake turned his head to look at her fully. She was happily enjoying her bagel, checking something on her phone with her other hand. After a few seconds, she glanced up to look at him. “What?” she asked between bites of her bagel.

“Thank you, Riley.”

“You’re welcome, Drake.”

He leaned forward, dropping a quick kiss on her lips before he climbed out of bed, sliding on his boxers and heading over to the coffee maker, figuring the pot must be ready at this point. He poured two mugs of coffee and added cream to Riley’s before he came back to bed, handing her mug to her before he slid back under the sheets. Riley shifted slightly as he settled in, draping her legs over his knees.

“So, I wanted to get your opinion on something,” he said after he took a sip of his coffee.

“What is it?”

“When I was in Texas, my mom invited me to come down for Christmas. Or rather, she invited us, I guess.”

“Okay…”

“Well, what do you think about that?”

Riley took a second before she answered, “I think what I think doesn’t matter as much as what you think.”

She was right, of course. It wasn’t fair to put this decision on her. Drake was just really torn. He got the sense that his mom was trying to reach out with the invite. But at the same time, it felt like doing this all at the holidays was just a way to pretend things were totally normal. Like they were some happy, perfect family who got together at Christmas and drank eggnog and sang carols. And Drake just wasn’t at that point yet, he didn’t think.

“I think… I think I’m not ready to do a big family holiday with her again. Not this year. Not so soon.”

Riley nodded slowly, “Okay,” she said, “We can do Christmas here. Just you and me. New York is a pretty fun city around the holidays, even if the tourists are a bit much on New Year’s Eve.”

“Sounds good, Liu. I do want to take a trip back to Texas at some point, though. With you, I mean.”

She gave him a little smile, “I think that can probably be arranged.”

Drake ran his free hand over her legs as he brought his coffee back towards his lips, but before he could take another sip, Riley spoke.

“I have to tell you something, too.”

“Okay,” Drake replied, pausing and glancing at her. The statement sounded like it was something bad, but she only looked slightly nervous, and she was still drinking her coffee. He knew how she got when she had something to talk about that made her truly uncomfortable or upset, and it certainly wasn’t like this. So whatever she wanted to talk about, it must not be a massive deal.

“You know how we flew out to Cordonia and got that hotel for Constantine’s funeral?”

Drake held his coffee out in front of him as he carefully shifted slightly to face her a little better, “Yeah, Liu. I was there.”

She kicked her heel back lightly against his knee and rolled her eyes, “Anyway, I didn’t exactly pay for either or those things.”

Drake was sure he looked almost comically confused. He felt his brow furrowing as he shook his head slightly. “Then how-”

“Olivia paid for them.”

“Huh.”

“And I know you don’t like accepting favors from her, but I couldn’t see maxing out my credit cards when she was offering, you know?”

Drake nodded slowly, “So, you’re telling me that the hotel that we had for four nights, but only used for one, and the plane tickets that I only used one way - Olivia was the one who ate that cost?”

Riley smirked a little and dipped her head, “I didn’t know it was going to pan out that way.”

Drake just threw his head back and laughed, “This is great! Here I was feeling guilty that I wasted a bunch of your money, but instead I wasted hers.”

“Drake!”

“Oh, come on. You’ve been in her wine cellar, Liu. She’s not even gonna notice the difference.”

Riley shook her head, but she was smiling, so Drake figured she wasn’t too upset with his glee that Olivia had been the one to finance the travel plans that had ended up going completely sideways. “So, I take it you aren’t mad?”

“Not even slightly,” said Drake, sliding his hand down to her calf and squeezing it gently in reassurance. As they both continued to enjoy their coffee, they just talked, not about the serious, or the stressful, or the emotional. After last night, they’d both had enough of that for the moment. Instead, they talked about the mundane, the stupid, the silly, the bland, getting each other caught up on their days apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been just about a month since Drake last set foot in George’s diner. He cringed, thinking back on how he’d left things back then. How he’d been a sullen ass, consumed with guilt, angry at himself and the world. He hoped George didn’t fully remember the person he’d been, the way he’d behaved. 

He pushed open the door and entered, walking up to the counter. George was over serving an older man at the far end of the counter, but nodded at Drake in greeting, his eyebrows climbing his forehead just slightly. As soon as he’d taken care of the other customer, he strolled over to the register, reaching out to shake Drake’s hand.

“It’s been awhile, son. How are you?”

Drake paused for a moment before answering, “Better.”

George nodded at him slowly, wiping his hands on his apron. “Glad to hear it. You still looking for work?”

Drake shook his head, “No… well, not exactly. I signed with a temp agency last week. I started a few days ago with an insurance company, doing some data entry for the next couple of weeks.”

“Nothing wrong with that, son.”

Drake nodded. “I know” he said, “a paycheck’s a paycheck.”

He knew that most people wouldn’t view working as a temp at his age as a great thing, but Drake had been relieved after his first meeting at the agency. When Riley and him had talked about what he might want to do for a job, she’d suggested checking out temp work when he expressed frustration that he didn’t really know what he wanted as a career. It felt like something he should have a better idea of at this point in his life, but Riley had seemed utterly unphased by it. She’d mentioned temp agencies as a way to gain some actual work experience and make some money while he figured things out. Interviewing with the agency had been much lower stress than any of the other interviews he’d gone on last time, probably because, as Riley had told him, the agency wanted as many potential employees as possible since they got paid when their clients found work.

“I assume you’re here for some food and not just to chat.”

Drake chuckled, “I am. I actually called in a carry out order for Walker.”

So Drake paid up, chatting with George about Sam and the baby and how things were in his life as he got the order all bagged up. He waved goodbye and headed back to the subway, making his way back to the apartment.

He was getting better at navigating the city, or at least navigating Manhattan. Riley was right, the whole thing was a giant grid, so that much made sense. And he could appreciate that people here were blunt and direct. It was a nice contrast to the social games and doublespeak of court.

He didn’t know that New York felt like home at this point, but being here this time didn’t feel anywhere near as overwhelming as it did the first time. Part of it, he figured, was because he knew what he was getting into now. He also appreciated how much of an effort Riley was making to help him find aspects of New York he’d like. Every Monday night, when Riley was off, they’d gone out to some restaurant and bar. Riley assured him she was picking out places that she thought he’d like when he’d balked at some of types of cuisine she’d suggested, and she’d been right every time thus far. Besides, she’d told him there was little point living somewhere with every type of cuisine on the planet if he didn’t at least try some of them.

Their weekends had been a bit more variable, based on whether or not Riley was working. But this weekend she was off, and tonight was going to be a lazy night in. He knew Riley wasn’t really the type who liked to spend a Friday night lounging around in pajamas, but he appreciated that she understood him well enough to not push him to go out every night they could. Besides, tomorrow they were going to check out one of the city’s Christmas markets, something they were both actually looking forward to, it turns out.

The amount he and Riley were actually planning things was a little bit weird, considering she always talked about how impulsive she was and he knew he didn’t put much thought into the future or whatnot. But Drake realized that their combined efforts to not just roll along, with Riley getting up to eat breakfast with him a couple of mornings a week, with him going out for happy hour with a couple of his coworkers at the insurance company where he was posted, with both of them stepping out of their comfort zones just a little bit when it came to date nights, actually was making things a lot better. For him, at least. He hoped Riley felt the same way. He was pretty sure she did.

Drake exited the subway at the stop by the apartment and walked the couple of blocks quickly. It was December now, and the temperatures had really plummeted. Riley consistently referred to cold days as “brick,” which he’d found odd, but Luke at the office did the same thing, so he figured maybe it was a New York thing. He checked the mail and then climbed the stairs up to the fourth floor. He went to unlock the door, but paused for a moment. It almost sounded like the power drill he could hear running was coming from her unit.

He unlocked and opened the door, taking in what was going on. The first thing he noticed was, as always, the sweltering heat. Riley hadn’t been kidding when she told him the radiator ran very hot. He’d taken a peek at it to see if there was some obvious fix, but he was nervous to mess with too much, because Riley warned him the landlord would definitely assess them damages if it stopped working all together. Besides, he didn’t really mind the fact that both of them ended up wearing very little around the apartment these days.

The next thing that caught his attention, though, was Riley. She was indeed using a drill. It was a strange sight, watching her stand over by the window, dressed only in some gym shorts and a little tank top, attaching the legs to a chair. Drake wasn’t sure if he was more turned on or confused.

As soon as the whir of the drill stopped, Drake called out to her, “Liu, what the hell-” but she shrieked in surprise, letting the drill drop to the ground.

“Drake, you scared the shit out of me,” she chastised as she reached down to pick up the drill. Anderson abandoned his post on the armchair, trotting over to greet Drake.

“Sorry,” Drake said, crouching down to give the dog a couple of scritches, “Does he need to go out?”

“Nah, I took him out maybe an hour ago,” she replied, before she turned back to her project and turned on the drill again. Now that he knew he didn’t immediately need to go back outside, Drake started stripping off his clothing, getting down to his t-shirt and boxers and placing their dinner on the counter before he went and sat on Riley’s side of the bed, watching her work.

“As I was saying,” he continued the next time the drill stopped, “what the hell are you doing?”

Riley looked at him like he was stupid. “I’m putting together a table and chairs.”

“I see that.”

“Then why’d you ask?”

“Where’s your desk?”

“I sold it online,” she replied before moving to turn the drill back on, but Drake reached out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

“You gotta give me more than that, Liu.”

“The desk worked fine when it was just me, but you sitting on the side of the bed and me sitting at the desk to eat was not sustainable. So, I decided enough was enough. Uskea was running a promotion, so I bought us a table.”

“Riley…”

“Now,  I picked a really small one, but does stick out a bit more than the desk did, so it’ll be a bit of a tight fit when you pull the chair back, but-”

Drake stood, grabbing her shoulders and kissing her roughly. After a few seconds, he pulled back, glancing down at the table and chair set she’d selected. A table and chairs that were meant for the two of them. It was such a tangible representation of a future with them together.

“I take it you like it?” she asked. He looked up and saw her smirking at him.

“Yeah, Liu. I do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Riley felt some faint butterflies in her stomach as she entered the restaurant, scanning the waiting area to see if he had arrived already, but she couldn’t find him anywhere. She checked the time on her phone. For once in her life, she was early. She could probably chalk that up to nerves.

Liam was in New York. He had let Drake know that he would be in town for three nights surrounding the UN Holiday Gala about a week ago, and had asked if the two of them would like to join him for dinner one night. The thought of hanging out with her live-in boyfriend and his best friend who happened to be her sort-of ex was a bit on the weird side already, but Drake had texted her this afternoon that his boss was making everyone stay late for some “bullshit,” so he would be coming straight from work and would probably be a bit late for the reservation. It meant that it would be just her and Liam, at least to start the night.

Deciding that a drink might help take the edge off a little bit, Riley made her way over to the bar and ordered herself a whiskey sour. She was taking her first sip when she saw a couple of men in crisp black suits enter and station themselves near the door. Sure enough, Liam was a few seconds behind them. Riley raised her hand, signaling her location. After a couple of seconds, Liam made eye contact and gave her a warm smile before he made his way over to join her at the bar.

She stood up from her stool, giving him a loose hug in greeting when he reached her. “Hey, Liam.”

“Hello, Riley. It’s good to see you.”

“You too. I was just grabbing a drink since we’ve got a little time before our reservation. Would you like one?”

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” he said, before sitting down on the stool next to the one she’d been using. He flagged down the bartender and ordered himself an Old Fashioned.

“I’ve never seen you drink one of those before,” said Riley as she climbed back onto her stool, mainly trying to find some innocent topic of conversation to carry them through until Drake arrived. Not that Drake’s arrival was going to lessen the dredges of awkwardness, but at least there would be three people to fumble through conversation instead of just two, so there would probably be fewer moments of uncomfortable silence.

“Yes, well… I’ve been having them on occasion since my father passed. They were his drink of choice, you see.”

“Oh,” Riley replied, taking a sip of her own drink. So much for an innocent topic of conversation. “Do you find them… therapeutic?”

Liam tilted his head to the side slightly, “I guess they’re a safe way to remember him.”

“That makes sense.”

The bartender returned with his drink at that point. Liam accepted it with a smile and nod, taking a sip of it before he continued.

“I know my father wasn’t a saint, and in some ways I’ve come to terms with the man he was. The choices he made, both as a father and a king, that I cannot stand behind were a part of him, but they weren’t all of him. But sometimes I just want to think about him as the man I loved, the man I looked up to, without worrying about the harsher realities. Drinking something that always made him smile is an easy way to do that.”

“Well, I get that,” said Riley, taking a sip of her own drink.

“Is there something you do like that to reminisce about your mother?”

“Oh sure, I just shoot up a little heroin,” she quipped, taking another sip of her drink.

Liam didn’t say anything, so Riley turned her head and looked at him fully. He was staring at her, his drink clutched tightly in his hand. “I’m fairly certain you’re joking, but I don’t want to say anything insensitive.”

Riley laughed at that, “Of course I’m joking, Liam.”

He let out a sigh before he smiled and gave a little chuckle, “I just wanted to make sure. You see, it’s come to my attention that I may not have gotten to fully understand your sense of humor.”

She frowned at that, “What are you talking about?”

Liam gave her a little shrug, “Drake and I often seemed to have somewhat different perceptions of you, your attitudes, your opinions, that sort of thing. Given everything that transpired, I think it’s safe to say that Drake’s understanding of you is significantly more accurate than mine.”

Riley winced at that. He said it all so matter-of-factly, but it was so fricking uncomfortable to remember that time and how she treated him. “Liam, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not looking for an apology. I’m just looking to actually get to know you. The real you, not the version of yourself you felt the need to present to me before.”

Riley didn’t exactly know how to respond to that. Everything he’d said was painfully true. She’d been intimidated by him initially. She’d been so careful to not swear, to not be too sarcastic or judgemental in front of him. He was royalty, and she was a brash, potty-mouthed waitress. It’s part of the reason she’d started spending more and more time with Drake, even when he was still a rude asshole to her. She’d never had to pretend around him.

Even as time went on, she never felt comfortable enough around Liam to fully drop the act. I mean, he got flustered if she flirted overtly, he never teased her, always just finding little ways to agree with her when she teased him, and he pursued her like he was some cheesy romance novel character. It had always just felt like she had to keep playing a part with him. She just didn’t know how to tell him that without hurting him more than she undoubtedly already had. It wasn’t that his way of doing things was bad; it just was never right for her.

Liam shook his head at her prolonged silence. “Riley, I can understand why you felt the need to censor yourself around me. I had hoped I had made you comfortable enough to be your genuine self with me, but that obviously wasn’t the case. But at this point, I really just want to get to know the woman who’s dating my best friend, okay? If you’re going to be in his life, I want us to have an authentic friendship of our own.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“How about cursing?”

“What?”

“Drake tells me you have a rather colorful vocabulary. Well, I’d like to hear it.”

“I don’t know, Liam….”

“Trust me, Riley. I’m friends with Drake. I don’t think there is anything you could say that would scandalize me.”

She let out a rough breath and closed her eyes, not sure if his idea was mad brilliant or mad stupid, “Liam, do you really fucking think that hearing me call some of the fucking bitches at court annoying, petty motherfucking assholes with no goddamn common sense is going to help you get to know me? Because it feels like it might be a bunch of bullshit.”

She opened her eyes slowly, but Liam was just giving her a gentle smile. “Good. I think that’s a start at least.”

Riley smiled back at him, “Okay then. You asked for it. You get all the fucking profanities from here on out. Just remember, it was all your idea.”

He laughed at that, “No need to worry. I’ll remember.”

Riley was about to suggest going up to see if their table was ready, but she saw Drake dart through the door, scanning the waiting area, clearly looking for one or both of them, and then approaching the hostess stand when he couldn’t find them.

“Ah, shall we go join him?” asked Liam as he followed her gaze.

“Yeah, sounds good,” said Riley, hopping off her stool and falling into step beside Liam as they walked over. As they approached the entrance, she caught the tail end of what the hostess was telling Drake.

“- first from your party to arrive, but your table is ready if you want to follow me.”

Drake shook his head, “That can’t be right. I-” but he stopped talking when he caught sight of the two of them. “Oh, there you guys are.”

“Hello, Drake,” said Liam, walking over with his arms extended, exchanging a brief hug with him before stepping back.

“Hey, man. How are you?”

“I’m doing well. Did I hear our table’s ready?”

“Yes, sir. If you three could follow me,” the hostess chimed in.

As Liam fell in behind the hostess, Riley stepped up, squeezing Drake’s arm in greeting and sliding her hand down to his as she moved to follow Liam and the hostess to their table. But Drake tugged her back, so she spun to face him.

“What’s up?”

“I’m sorry I’m late for this. Was it… are you guys okay?”

She just gave him a smile and nodded, “Yeah. I think everything’s going to be fine.” She squeezed his hand to reassure him, then tugged him forward. “Come on, let’s go enjoy a fancy ass dinner with our friend.”

Permatag: @speedyoperarascalparty​​​ @mfackenthal​​​  @lilyofchoices​​​  @thequeenofcronuts​​​  @jamesashtonisbae​​​

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @kingliam2019​​​   @sirbeepsalot​​​  @texaskitten30​​​   @princessleac1​​​  @ladyangel70​​​  @dcbbw​​​  @yaushie​​​ @octobereighth​​​

Drake x MC only:  @jovialyouthmusic  @iplaydrake  @gibbles82  @drakewalkerisreal  @riley--walker​ @notoriouscs​  @butindeed​  @addictedtodrakefanfic​  

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment: @wickedgypsymoon  @thesumofmychoices​​​  @cosigottahavefaith​​​   @thequeenchoices​​​  @katedrakeohd​​​  @feartheendlesssummer​​​  @ao719​​​  @ooo-barff-ooo​​​   @sunnyxdazed​​​

#drake walker #drake x mc #trr fanfic #the royal romance #trr #choices trr #trr liam #king liam #choices fanfiction #choices #playchoices #choices stories you play

[therealawkwardstarfish]

Anyone else feeling like this?

So it’s been almost a week since the rise of skywalker and I’ve been a mess. Also, anti’s do not come at me. All of this is just my opinion. I’m allowed to have one.

Like don’t get me wrong, I thought the movie was okay but it didn’t really satisfy me. During half of the movie, I was literally asking myself if I was satisfied that this was going to be the last of the sequel trilogy and the ending for the skywalker saga. I really wasn’t and tbh. I actually felt more satisfied when I watched the last Jedi then when I was watching this movie. I even tried to avoid leaks about this movie, I even bought my tickets in advance to see it in theaters because I thought the theater would be packed, paid more to watch it in a bigger theater with surround sound. I avoided the reviews in case it would be negative. I basically wanted to judge the movie for myself before I hear anyone's opinion on it.

Which I why I saw it the Monday after the came out, so I can be able to fully avoid all social media in case if spoilers and because I was too excited to see it.

Boy I had my hopes up too high XD

Well for one there was barely anyone in the theater there was at least 20-25 people in a big theater, My friend I and were the only ones in our row. I was surprised cause usually for Star Wars, the movies are packed or have more than what I saw.

I came out of the theater kinda dazed. Both my friend and I were talking about the movie and how we were sad about Ben’s death but we were kinda happy that he at least got to save Rey in the end, but we were both confused and sad that we didn’t see him as a Force ghost in the end. We both understood the meaning of why Rey called herself a Skywalker was in honor of the people that cared for her regardless if she was a Palpatine and was in a way honoring Ben a little bit. At the time my only problem with the movie was the fact that Leia’s Cgi weirded me out XD. The rest was either meh, okay or  YESSSSSS. 

I was not expecting a Reylo kiss at all.

I heard about it before the movie came out but, it was confirmed that there wasn’t going to be a kiss. So I accepted it and kinda was okay with it cause I kinda like how subtle their interactions were but in a way it meant more. Also, they’ve been cannon through the novelizations, so I felt like I didn’t need a kissing scene. ( btw anti’s don’t come at me, this is just my opinion from what I know) I was happy for the kiss though, so much to where I didn't notice Ben smiling (i was happy dancing XD). I had a weird feeling though that he did so I asked my friend and she said yeah he did.

Then as the days went I realized I had some problems with this movie  The more I looked into this movie, read some opinions on Twitter, Instagram and on here, the more I realized that I agree with most of the negatives and that wasn’t really as good as I expected

Well for one the scene when Ben dies always felt like something was off about that scene but I couldn’t figure out what it was. After doing some digging I was happy I wasn’t the only one and was surprised by the explanation that people had about the scene was most likely done the last minute. It actually really made sense to me cause the editing to me looked a little off. It’s like one minute you see her with her hand around his face and her other hand somewhere on his upper body and then as he starts to drop to the floor, placement of one of her hands is already holding one of his. There’s even a theory that they reversed the scene to make it look like he died after reviving Rey and wasn’t revived by Leia.

 Leia disappearing right after he dies looked off. And Rey’s reaction to his death didn’t make any sense to me either, it felt as if she didn’t just watch her other half die before her eyes. I kinda understand that she might've been in shock or was trying to hold back tears, but it just felt off.

I didn't even know about them being dyads until I found out on twitter. When I did I ended up with more questions with answers.

Why build Rey and Ben’s bond as if they are stronger together and that their bond can go “through space and time”, basically make it seem like their bond as “powerful like life itself” and then kill off one half of the bond, in the end? 

Where is Ben?  cause he wasn’t a force ghost in the end and he became one with the force so that just somehow makes me wanna believe we're not done seeing him just yet story wise

What was the other ending for the movie? cause I am curious what the other endings were and what made them pick the one that’s in the movie

If Palpatine created Snoke, was he also controlling him? and if it was him this whole time does that mean he basically lied about creating the bond because he didn’t know about Ben and Rey being a dyad?

Anyone got Endgame vibes watching the battle with Palpatine?

I am all of the Jedi XD idk maybe since I grew up with Marvel and started watching star wars when I was 15, made me feel kinda off when I heard that and I didn't feel that the line was epic.

Also the more I think of it, the more I realize that I didn’t really like the fact that they killed Ben off

The dude’s redemption arc was a little too quick. I really think he should’ve lived to make amends, right the wrongs or better yet lived in exile or something. At first, I was okay with him dying like this cause it seemed okay to me. But after finding out that there was more to his backstory and read it, I realized that the whole entire Skywalker bloodline has been through pain and death. In a way, I kinda wished Ben was the one to put an end to that. I understand the counter-argument for Anakin’s death but the difference there from my understanding:

1) He knew was gonna die anyway. I rewatched the original scene and from my understanding, he said that nothing was going to stop him from dying regardless if Luke took his mask off.

2) At least Anakin got to say something. Ben had no lines

Not every redemption arc has to end up with the person dying.

The one agreement,  I can kinda get behind on is that at least he died saving the woman he loves, unlike his grandfather who tried but failed.

From a marketing standpoint though I don't understand why they would kill him off when they would’ve made a lot of money off of him with this movie. The fact alone that people are upset that he died and made a GoFundMe and petitions just for him to come back says something. Even on the Star Wars website for the poll, he’s #1 at 88%. I understand not everything is about money, but it’s like they sacrificed a chance to get a lot of money.

More importantly, I feel like they did Rey dirty

We first see her start her journey in a desert planet alone with a droid and it ends with her in a desert with a droid. Her other half is dead. Her parents are dead, Her grandfather is Palpatine. I honestly feel like she deserved better. The fact that they didn’t even give her a moment to mourn and how she's been through so much and for her to not really get a happy ending kinda sucked. Like I felt like I was mourning for her. That alone made me depressed.       

This whole movie just ended up making me feel like I didn’t really found any closer. Like I can’t So I’m just gonna wait till the novelization so I can understand it better and get answers about Ben’s death. 

Is he really dead?

 Is it true that if one dies the bond will still be there and the person that is living will feel empty like something is missing?

 Is it true that one person can’t fully die without the other in a dyad and they stay in the world between worlds until the other half dies?

 Are we going to have a comic or novel where Rey comes to get him back if that's the case? 

but for the time being, I’m going to just have hope and rely on fanfiction I know this the end for movie Ben and Rey unless Adam and Daisy say otherwise. But I will say this their scenes together and Ben Solo’s were the highlight of this movie for me.  

THIS LOOKS SO SICKKKKKKK AHHH

Overall I still think the movie was okay. I just think some things could've been explained more But that's how I feel.

#rey x ben #reylo #the rise of skywalker #tros spoilers #rey #ben solo #can anyone relate? #i am sad #palpatine #ben and rey #world between worlds #reylo is canon #reylo fam

[thosequeenboys]

Put a Little Love on Me (Joe Mazzello x Reader)

Summary & A/N: This fic was written for @acdeaky​ for the Secret Santa event, based on her request for a ‘homecoming, friends-to-lovers’ story.’  I selected our lovely lovelorn Joe.  The event was expertly planned and organized by @sohoneyspreadyourwings​ - Sabrina, Darling: so appreciate your clever idea and caring efforts to help us celebrate the holiday season!  And, MANY thanks and props to the amazingly creative – and supportive -- @warriorteam1924​ for providing story and title song ideas!  Happy holidays to you all!  

Warnings:  Here at The Fluff and Angst…

There’s no place like home…Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz was right, you mused, as you pulled your suitcase, clutching your purse through Heathrow Airport with one goal in mind:  curling up in your own warm bed in your tiny apartment and falling into a deep sleep tonight.  A museum fundraising consultant, you just wrapped an exciting gig at Tate Modern, rushing out of your last meeting to get to the airport on time.  Security took forever, and once you grabbed your bags and put on your shoes, you felt panicked upon hearing your flight was boarding--you had to go to the bathroom-and of course, the gate was the last one at the end of a long corridor.

As you glanced at your phone to check the time, you saw a message on your screen from your oldest and dearest childhood friend, Joe, an actor, who was taping a new show in LA.  You and Joe had been through all of life’s benchmarks and vicissitudes together: graduations, career ebbs and flows, romantic ups and downs, friend drama -- and every emotion under the sun.  You socialized with each other’s families and knew them all intimately.  As kids you set up intricate stories playing Pirate Ship and House.  Joe always added humor and mischievousness into the pretend games.  As college students, you travelled cross country.  Joe and you could always pick up where you left off, though these days, you often weren’t in the same place for very long.  It had been months since you had seen each other.  Nevertheless, you trusted each other implicitly.  You knew each other’s phone passcodes.  You served as each other’s emergency contacts. You had exchanged home keys in case of emergencies.  

You glanced at Joe’s message:

CHANGE OF PLANS

CHANGE OF PLANS.  You were dying to stop and read more, but you had two literal streams of urgency to address. You tossed your phone into your bag and moved your uncomfortable self as quickly as you could.  After ducking into a bathroom and accomplishing mission one, you tore out of the doorway and resumed your quick clip, eyeing yellow gate signs in your peripheral vision. 

Upon hearing ‘Final boarding, British Airways Flight 1907 to JFK New York’ you sprinted down the corridor and arrived at the gate panting, lining up behind the last few stragglers.  The agent welcomed you and you smiled, handing him your ticket.  You inched your fingers into your purse to grab your phone as you stepped forward down the boarding plank.

Your heart started to flutter as you read the rest of Joe’s messages:

Taping postponed, long story  

Headed back to NY

Catch up when you get back.  

HOT DATE TONITE!!!

You threw your phone back into your bag.

As you proceeded onto the plane, you felt your heart pounding, as those last three words kept repeating in your brain like an uncontrollable tick. HOT. DATE. TONITE.  As you walked down the aisle, you felt tears well up in your eyes. Sad and jealous feelings were kicked up like the autumn leaves that fluttered skyward when you and Joe jumped into the big pile his dad raked up every Autumn.  The emotions cascading through you overtook any rational thought, but you tried.  Of course he has a date. Why wouldn’t he have a date.  He should have a date….you tried to convince yourself.   But the problem was, you admitted as your vision became blurry through your tears, it wasn’t a date…with you.  It never was.  You didn’t let yourself think about it often, but when your guard was down and the thoughts crept in, you rationalized it was for the best, adding all the usual platitudes: you wouldn’t want to risk ruining the friendship; you probably weren’t the best match for each other anyway; you knew each other too well and would drive each other crazy; your careers were too complicated; it just wouldn’t work.  

With shaky hands, you hoisted your suitcase to the overhead bin and crawled into your window seat on the 777. You wiped your eyes and took a deep breath, which hitched as you fought your emotions. The Captain came on, “Uh…sorry folks, we have a bit of a delay.  Looks like we’re about 15th for take-off.”

The entire plane groaned.  Good thing you had an engaging novel to keep you entertained-and distracted.  You read, but your concentration didn’t last.  You finally let yourself think about the offer presented to you in the middle of your trip-a full-time job at The Getty Museum in LA.  You’d be able to settle down and not have to run from gig to gig-and through airports with a full bladder.   You needed to make the decision in the next few days – a scary, fork-in-the-road decision that would shape your career, your future and your home. You closed your eyes and conjured images of a possible West Coast future: I’d be safe and warm if I was in LA. California Dreamin’… (1)

Your thoughts of LA led to images of Joe who had been living there the last few months.  You retrieved your phone and started to type your response to his texts:

On the plane at Heathrow

Due to land JFK 6:00 EST

Let me know when you’re free so we can catch up

Your finger swayed over the phone keyboard.  You would wish any other friend a fun-and successful-date.  Here you were hesitating. Your conflicting feelings were out in full force.  You decided to don your Big Girl Pants.  Seriously though: you were over adulting at the moment.  You quickly typed the final line.

Have Fun!!

You sent the text and shut off your phone just as the plane turned the corner to the take-off runway and picked up speed, sinking you back into the seat. Feeling drowsy as the plane lifted through the clouds, you let sleep take over. You woke several hours later to a neck ache and a meal.   You ordered a glass of wine and settled in with your book.  

Once the wheels touched down in The Big Apple, on the other coast, you turned on your phone.  A few texts from friends and news updates appeared. Nothing from Joe.   Of course not, he must be on his date, you sighed. Perhaps, finally, your separate lives would prevent you from maintaining the relationship and the easiness - and comfort - you always found with each other. 

Your warm bed feeling more tangible, you got yourself through customs and out to a cab, which whisked you toward home as the skyline’s lights flickered outside your window.  Suddenly out of the corner of your eye, you saw a light beaming in your purse. You pulled out your lit phone and saw the message from Joe:

Wrong date.  Sigh.

Wrong lots of things, but now I realize what’s right.

Welcome home. Talk soon.

Wrong date? What the heck did that mean? Did he mix up the day for his date? What else is wrong?  Did something happen with his show?  And what is right? Thinking about it all made you more tired and emotionally overwrought.  You put your phone away and vowed to keep it away for the rest of the night.

The cab stopped with a sudden halt in front of your apartment building. You paid, gathered your bags and walked slowly toward the wrought iron lantern fixtures that adorned the front door and gave off a welcoming glow.  It was after midnight London time, and your body felt ready to fall into bed, the weighty duvet-covered comforter lulling you to sleep.

You dug into your bag for your keys as climbed the steps.  You opened your front door and saw the small light on your entry foyer table on.  That was strange.   But before your tired brain could slip into worry, you heard a familiar voice bellow ‘Hello, Madam’ in a British accent.   And you breathed.   Your face lit up instantly.  Your body relaxed and felt energized all at once, because you realized:  that voice, in your apartment tonight, unexpected, has always, always been the voice to ground you, warm you, soothe you, entertain you….love you. The voice of home.

Joe emerged through the kitchen, with a wide grin, carrying a wood tray with Hunan Delight take-out containers and a few lit votive candles.  You were entranced, but also a bit perplexed.    

“Um, Hi, uh, wow, this is a pleasant surprise.”  You uttered, truly shocked.

He walked past you a few steps into the living-dining area and put the tray down on the dining table, which he had set with placemats, dishes, cloth napkins, wine glasses and silverware. A low bouquet of freesia and tulips in yellows, pinks and purples dipped gracefully over a small glass vase. A bottle of Moscato was breathing.   After unloading the tray and flashing you a wink, he moved over to the stereo, and you followed him.  He pressed the button and the familiar strains of one of your favorite songs filled the air and Joe, ever the showman, able to emote and entertain in any setting, moved his hands in grand gestures as he sang along…

“Put a little love on me, put a little love on me. When the lights come up and there’s no shadows dancing I look around as my heart is collapsing ‘cause you’re the only one I need…to put a little love on me.” (2)

You sank into a chair watching him sing, enjoying his performance and letting the words sink in.  His playfulness and grandiosity turned serious and a bit sullen as the song progressed, and you could tell he was getting emotional.  By the last chorus, he had trouble getting the words out and he stopped singing. The song ended with Niall’s voice framing the moment.

When the track finished, he stared at you and started to speak:

“So, finally, for once, I ended the date tonight- such a bad date - before we finished our drinks. It was just so wrong. And then, afterwards, I had an entire conversation with myself, quite engaging actually, complete with jokes, historical and pop culture references, and a dollop of self-pity, followed by a kick in the ass – the Uber driver must have thought I was high.   And I realized, I admitted, finally – it’s you I was really having the conversation with. I knew just what you’d say.  And it’s you, I wanted the date with.  It’s always been you.  You’ve always been what’s right.  Always.”

You covered your mouth, feeling tears welling again.  “Oh Joe…..I’m so happy.  I…I can’t believe it,” you said as you stood up.  You felt that time and reality were suspended.  You stopped for a moment and replayed the last few minutes over in your mind, testing reality.  Finally, you spoke:  “I have to admit, when you wrote me you had a hot date, I felt really upset …..i finally admitted that I wanted your date to be me.”

“I’m so glad you felt that way. And, hey, thanks for jinxing my date,” Joe huffed, jokingly.  You both laughed.  “I felt it was time to just be honest.  I worried if you’d feel the same, but…I…felt it was better to know. And, I figured wooing you with your favorite song by your favorite celebrity crush, would hopefully seal the deal.” 

You laughed.  “It most certainly did.”

“It was the perfect song, though, I gotta hand it to that dude,” Joe smirked.  “So…will you…will you…put a little love on me?”

 “A lot of love” You smiled, and then more tears started to drip from your eyes.

“Babe…what’s wrong?” Joe touched your arm with concern.

“It’s good actually…I have this job offer from The Getty and…”

“OhmyGod! That’s fantastic!” Joe leaned into you and gave you a hug.  “Are you interested??”

“I am, but it’s hard to picture my life changing so much. Not travelling.  Leaving my family, my home…it’s a lot of change to imagine. And, that California sun will wrinkle me like a raisin.”  You smirked.

“True on all counts.  It’s an adjustment.  Well, LA’s felt like my second home for a while now….so we can create a new home together on ‘the OTHER coast’…. Home could be the Pennsylvania Turnpike, Indiana’s early morning dew, high up in the hills of California.  Home is just another word for you. (3) Let’s celebrate your new job – and our journey - with some Hunan Delight.” Joe kissed you gently on your cheek and pulled the chair out for you, before taking his own seat.  

You sat and poured the wine.  Raising your glass, you said, “Here’s to us-past us, present us, future us.”

Joe raised his glass and clinked yours, “Here’s to love.” (4)

Song Notes

 1.       California Dreamin’ by The Mamas and The Papas

2.       Put a Little Love on Me, by Niall Horan

3.       You’re my Home, by Billy Joel

4.       Here’s to Us, by Halestorm

#joe mazzello #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello x you #joe mazzello fanfic #secret santa #bohemian rhapsody #borhap fanfic #borhap fandom #bohemian rhapsody fan fiction #queen fanfiction #queen band #queen #friends to lovers #homecoming

[jeonsduck]

Smoke and Mirrors Pt 3

warnings: san says fuck

summary: *bad day by daniel powter plays* 

“Mrow.”

You groaned, cracking your eyes open. Your cat was squatting on your chest, meowing in your ear to wake you up.

“Ugh, Noodles, my alarm hasn’t even gone off, leave me alone.” you whine, trying to push your cat away. 

But he’s persistent, not letting you go back to sleep. He prods at your face with his paw and continues to yowl until you decide to get up. You huff and kick your legs before sitting up and throwing your covers off.

“Fine! Fine! I’m up! I’ll feed you, you monster!” you gripe, and as you get up from bed you catch sight of the little clock on your bedside table. 9:15 AM. Fuck. You’re over an hour late for work already. You hadn’t bothered to set your alarm when you got in from being interrogated last night, and you’d overslept.

The panic you feel is palpable as you turn your phone over and see it’s dead. Your supervisor is going to kill you.

You rush through getting ready at lightning speed and manage to get out the door in twenty-five minutes. You put your phone on charge in the car, and you speed to work as quickly as you dare, getting a ticket would only make you later than you already were. When your phone restarted, it began buzzing with a flurry of text messages and calls, angry from your supervisor, and worried from Jacob. Oh, you’re so dead.

You manage to rush into the office before half past ten, huffing a sigh of almost relief as you set your things down at your desk. Jacob shot you a worried look at your frazzled state and your supervisor was standing in the door of her office. 

“Y/N, let’s have a little chat?” she called, disappearing into her office.

You sighed and Jacob winced for you. You straightened your hair and outfit and said a little prayer before walking into the office, closing the door behind you.

“So, had an emergency this morning, did you?” she asked, sipping a cup of coffee.

“No, ma’am, I didn’t set my alarm the night before and I overslept…. I was up very late with FBI being cross-examined-” you began to explain and she slammed the mug down on her desk.

“So, it’s Agent Heejin’s fault you were two hours late for work this morning?” she asked.

You shook your head quickly.

“No, that’s my responsibility.” You responded and she nodded.

“Yes it is. It was also your responsibility to record yesterday’s meeting with Mr. Choi, but you failed to do that too. Which is why I’ve had administration shouting me down since this morning about the incompetence of my employees.” she seethes. 

“Coming in a few minutes late? It’s fine. Messing up a couple of details on a case? No big deal. But this is two hours late, while you’re working one of the most important cases this office has ever seen. You look like an incompetent fool. Not to mention letting Mr. Choi pay for your lunch.” she said, matter-of-factly.

“What’s wrong with letting San buy me lunch?” you asked.

“Letting ‘San’ buy you lunch is wrong because if his clients are found guilty, that could be seen as a bribe, and then we’ll be investigated as well. You thought last night with the FBI was rough? I hope you enjoy sleep deprivation. And I trust I don’t have to remind you to refer to your contact as Mr. Choi?” she was obviously more furious that you had asked that question. 

Maybe you should have just waited and asked Jacob.

“Sadly for me, fourtunately for you, the higher-ups still want you on this case, but if it were up to me, I wouldn’t just pull up from this job, I’d fire you on the spot. As it is, I’ll dock your pay for half a day and you’ll lose some paid leave as well. And maybe if you stay on your best behavior for the remainder of this job, I might not terminate you once you’re done.” 

She shooed you away after that, letting you know that San was trying to contact you about the files you’d asked for the day before. You went back to your desk, where you started going over your notes of San’s clients to distract yourself. You had messed up, and yes, you deserved to be disciplined. You weren’t even that hurt about it. 

Regardless, your notes ended up with a spattering of angry teardrops on the pages of your notes. God, what were you crying for? Jacob offered you his tissue box and a sad look.

“Shut up, Jacob, I’m not in the mood.” you griped and he held his hands up in surrender.

Ugh, you hadn’t meant to snap at him too. Maybe if you hadn’t showed up for work two hours late, you could have gone and hid in the bathroom until you felt better. Sadly, you had to stick it out in your cubicle while your coworkers walked around like the office floor was a minefield. When your phone rang suddenly, you jumped at the noise and sniffled, quickly answering it.

“Hello, this is Y/N.”

“Y/N! Hey, it’s San!” San said, sounding way more cheerful than you felt he had the right to be. 

“Oh, hello Mr. Choi.” you greeted, remembering to talk more formally.

“Y/N, we went over this yesterday at lunch. Please, call me San, Mr. Choi is my father.” he sighed.

“My supervisor has reminded me its unprofessional to call you by your first name while I’m working your case.” you replied. 

Thank God her office door was closed.

“Well, your supervisor can get fucked. Call me, San.” he said, and you barely held in your snort.

“Fine, San. You got my files?” you asked. 

“Yes, I do! A whole box of them. The electronic ones are all on a USB, but you wanted original documents and well, as you know, my clients have no small amount of assets.” He said.

“Oh, I’m quite aware. I can come by and pick them up-”

“Oh no need for that! I was already leaving the office today so we’ll swing by your place and drop them off. You wouldn’t happen to be free for a late lunch today would you?” San asked.

You sighed. Lunch with San sounded kind of nice. Way better than the lunch break your were expecting to have today.

“Sorry. My supervisor has also alerted me that you buying me lunch qualifies as a bribe.” you rejected.

“Seriously? Why’s your boss such a buzzkill?” San sounded reasonably upset.

“Anyway, I’m almost there, so come on down, I’ll see you in a minute.” he said and hung up.

You made your way over to the elevators, too caught up in your own head to realize that San had called you on your cell phone, not your work line. You didn’t remember giving him the number, but you suppose you could have done it and forgotten about it. Your supervisor would probably blow her top if she found out. 

You also couldn’t recall telling San the address of your office, or that you worked on an upper floor, but he could have found that from Google. Maybe. Or maybe you mentioned that at lunch or in a phone call or in an email. You were too stressed out to really care, you probably just forgot a few details of your conversations. “Y/N, over here.” 

You looked over to where San was standing, a printer paper box in his arms and a hard shell backpack on his back. He was dressed less wildly than he had been the day before, but his shirt was still purple and leopard print, as were his pants, but they were grey in color. He set the box down when he saw you, taking in your red eyes and slightly dishevelled appearance.

“Are you okay? You look upset.” he asks.

“S’nothing. I overslept and ended up being super late for work and I was supposed to record the meeting we had yesterday, and my boss ,like, just got done ripping me a new one.” you said with a shrug.

“Did you cry?” he asked.

You flushed, hands coming up to cover your face.

“Is it that obvious?” 

“No, but if you overslept your eyes wouldn’t be that red unless you cried.” he said.

“Yeah well, its whatever. Thanks for dropping these off.” you said, reaching for the box.

“Wait!” San said, handing the box back to one of his guards.

He walked over to a bench and sat down, beckoning you over. He carefully slid his backpack off and into his lap. The backpack had a bubble window and inside you could see a Siamese cat looking out.

“This is Byul. We’re going to the vet for a check up.” he says, unzipping the backpack and taking the cat out. 

In the middle of the lobby of your place of work. But Byul meows cutely, obviously confused because this is NOT her home, but it’s also not the vet. San hands her to you and you cradle her in your arms for a second, letting some of your stress melt away. 

“Take a break. Pet the cat. You can go back up there and tackle that box of paperwork after you’ve destressed for a second, yeah?” he says, patting Byul on the head.

She meows, but in a good way.

“She’s so sweet.” You commented as San watched you pet his cat. 

You sat on the bench until it looked like Byul was getting a bit too comfortable. San put her back in the backpack, which was met with some protests.

“My guys went ahead and took the box upstairs. If you need anything else, just call me. Good luck.” he said, heading out the door. 

“Oh, and by the way, your boss sucks.” he added. 

You watched as one of the guards opened the car door for him, standing in the lobby until they drove away. Then you took a deep breath and headed back upstairs. 

Two hours into the financial records of Kim Hongjoong and you felt like you were going to tear your hair out. You could see why he looked so suspicious. He owned 51% of growing fashion houses, meaning he effectively owned the entire business. But as soon as the brand started to get some recognition and traction he jumped ship and sold all his stocks. Which often times meant he profited from the growth and bailed before taxes were due to be paid, taking huge profits and leaving other investors to handle any hits the brand might take. Not to mention his investments were routed through an investment firm that he also owned and it’s clothing company subsidiary. Basically, it was just shell company after shell company. That wasn’t all. He had money squirreled away in the Cayman Islands and Swiss bank accounts. He had tax exemptions donations, farming, industry. He even claimed Jongho as a dependent! Hongjoong had utilized tax loopholes to the full extent of the law. And while everything you’d reviewed so far was legal, it was highly suspicious. It was interesting how criminals and the bourgeoisie utilized the same methods to protect their empires. 

And even with the documents you’d asked San for, there were still holes. Not just for hundreds or thousands, but millions of dollars. You couldn’t even move on to the others until you could paint a full picture of how Honjoong’s money moved. 

Ugh, even thinking about the other six made your head ache. Their assets were so intertwined with each other, you felt like you were watching yourself walk around in circles.  

When you finished for the day, you felt no closer to understanding the big picture than when you started. You shot San an email about some more information on Hongjoong and left the office.

The next morning, your supervisor didn’t show up for work. Not good for you, because San was asking you over to his offices instead of having the both of you running back and forth across town to exchange notes.

“Just let your FBI contact know and go. If she comes in I’ll tell her I told you to go.” Jacob said, nudging you towards the door.

Heejin didn’t ask you to record, but she did ask you to report anything that seemed suspicious, and she’d follow up with you every other day with questions. It sounded like a plan to you. You gathered your thick binder of notes and your box of files and headed over to San’s offices.

The place was… different than you had expected. You had been looking for a sleek and modern corporate building, but San’s office was in a commercial suite. He didn’t run a firm, he was the sole accountant for all of his clients. That was insane.

  His secretary sat in the front room, a woman with short blue hair and an intricate tattoo winding up her arm.

“Are you Y/N?” she asked.

“Yes, you’re Jasmine?” you confirmed, but she shook her head.

“No, I’m Keran. Jasmine got transferred last week.” she said. 

Before you could ask what transferred meant, San came out the back door, Byul weaving between his feet. He brought his cat to work?

“Y/N! Great you’re here. We don’t have a lot of space here, but I had the guys set you up a desk in the file room, so everything is there is you need any forms or anything. But if you get too claustrophobic in there, we can move you to the breakroom or something.

“Oh, I be fine in the file room. Thanks again for letting me set up here.” you said as San lead you down a narrow hallway.

“Oh don’t mention it! The bathroom is the second door on the left and feel free to call if you need anything, or Byul won’t move off of your laptop.” he said with a smile.

At the sound of her name, Byul meowed. You and San both chuckled and you leaned down to scratch her on the head. She headbutted your leg and San happily watched you play with his cat.

Working in the file room was way easier. If you were missing a form you could get it yourself, San was extremely organized. He was also nice enough to bring you coffee from time to time. Really, he was such an angel.

The next day your boss wasn’t back, and after checking in with Heejin and Jacob you went back to San’s to continue working. And she still wasn’t back the day after that. On the fourth day her family reported here missing. After her leave ran out, the administration appointed a new supervisor for your department. He confirmed you to work from San’s offices for the duration of the case, meaning you didn’t have to check in at the office everyday before heading over to his building. 

You never did see that first supervisor again. No one did. You wondered what had happened to her, and you still didn’t know, even now. But something told you you didn’t want to know where she was.

#san #choi san #ateez san #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #san x reader #choi san x reader #san fanfic #san scenarios #san imagines

[miserybegins]

i use my blog like a diary and today i realized i never talked about what happened in my life while i was blog-less from april to august so:

so my blog was suspended right before my 10 year tumblr anniversary with that blog which was april 5th i believe.

on april 6th i flew to san diego to do the 6 california dates of the frank/tbs tour. the tour was so much fun!!! we went to disney for two or three days that we had off from the tour which was a lot of fun. 

the highlight of the tour was the second night in LA because I MET RAY!!!! while tbs was on i saw ray hanging back in the crowd and i couldn’t help myself i had to go say hi so i introduced myself and told him how much the music meant to me, it was really brief cause the show was going on and it was super loud and he was with his wife but he was like the gentlest and nicest man ever....however i had to go chug a 20 dollar beer right afterwards to cope.

we figured gerard and mikey were there as well since they all always go to frank LA shows but im glad i didnt see gerard cause that would just cause a breakdown im a simple man and gerard way makes me cry!

but frank did come talk to us that night, it was the only opportunity i really got on that tour to talk to frank and i hadnt talked to him since last summer when i got really bombed at a tribute show and talked to him while black out drunk which i dont remember. so i had a really good talk with him and i was like i dont know WHY im telling you this but i reminded him how i told him about my alopecia a while back and how mcr had helped me cope with that well while i was in california i tested not wearing a hat to cover my alopecia for the first time and even though it was super scary everyone treated me the same and i did itt! i survived!! so i reminded him how i told him about that and then told him how i had been combatting that on the trip and he seemed so genuinely happy for me he was like that is so awesome and he hi fived me. and it was good i really love frank. oh also i told him we were going to get tattoos in san fransisco and he told us to go to idle hand so

in san fransisco we did go to idle hand to get tattooed! i got a heart on my middle finger and my broken armed boozey that frank drew up for me after i had broken my arm at his show and frank had warned us that they might not be the friendliest people but they were great tattoo artists so we were like scared?? but my guy was so fucking nice and literally hugged me when i tipped him and he thought it was so cool that we were following the tour so idk...good experience.

when i got home from the tour though it was a few weeks until my 25th birthday and i didnt want to live so i went inpatient for almost 2 weeks :( but then i got out and had my birthday and lived i guess lmao

when i went back to work i had like nO MONEY because i spent all of it in california but frank had east coast shows coming up and the release of barriers and i was just like if i dont go i am gonna lose my fucking mind! and my friend convinced me to go to harrisburg and she bought my ticket so i was like yay! amen! this friend is always so good to me i cant explain.

anyway this is my favorite thing. im standing outside the venue talking to my friends before doors and the band walks out the front cause theres only one entrance and theyre going to the bus but frank seens me and walks the other way to come over and shake my hand and tell me it was good to see me ;____; literally rerouted himself to say hi to ME specifically i was like...wah. im baby. i LOVE HIM.

i ended up getting stupid drunk at the show and woke up in the back seat of my car the next morning still parked across from the venue..dont recommend. but im saying this because it is a plot point!

i got in a lot of trouble for going to pennsylvania without telling anyone and not answering any texts or calls when everynoe was still really worried about me but then a couple weekends later there were more shows....the show frank played on a boat and a signing the next day.

so my friends again paid for me to go because they thought it was important for me. which it was. the boat show was fun but i felt so sick because it was on a literal moving boat and i hadnt eaten or slept but i was extremely overcaffeinated....so when we got to the hotel that night i fell asleep for 15 hours straight i was asleep before my friend even got out of the shower and i did NOT wake up.

the signing the next day was really weird for me. they played a few songs which was fine but then to ‘meet’ frank at a signing was super weird cause he and evan were at this table and i just didnt knwo what to say and i felt really awkward and it was a weird shift in dynamic from how i usually talk to them so i feel like i came off as super nervous and then i was liek frank htates me now cause he thinks i am nervous to talk to him...but then my friend was talking to me about it and we realized that it had been a really long time since id talked to frank sober. and it was sad to realize that but also cool that i could make that realization and move forward from it.

so the NEXT weekend i went to the last show which was asbury lanes. saw a lot of pals there. i could have drank but i didnt drink at all and i had the best time....i was amazed by the lighting idk if it was just really good that night or if i hadnt paid any attention cause id always been drunk but it felt really good and i told frank about it after the show!!

but the whole time that all was happening i was like really fucking depressed and i didnt think i was going to even make it home that time. i did make it home but a few days later i tried to kill myself and ended up in inpatient for the whole month of july. :/

when i got out though i made some changes like leavig chipotle and getting a job at hot topic before anyone expected me to go back to work and i also started taking a bio class which is hopefully now going to turn into me doing a surgical tech program starting in the fall!

im still very depressed but im doing better, even i can admit.

if you read this whole thing you are a champ...

#trigger warning for suicide attempt #its not all bad!!!! #i met ray! #mack.txt