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#asexuality and kink

tavyliasin · 4 months

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Raphael - Archduke of Asexuals

Welcome to another essay from Tavylia! We need some words about the handsome devil himself now, darlings, do we not? Because there's something very Ace about him - and I don't just mean "what a nifty guy", strap in (but not on) because we're going on a deep dive on...

Why Is Raphael the King of Asexuals and What Is It About Him That Draws So Many Of Us To Him Like He Is Made Of Garlic Bread: Another "Short" Essay by TavyliaSin (Who Frankly Rebels Against The Idea Of A Concise Title) ((Because This Is More Fun)) (((I Might Have Some Volo In My Family Tree)))

((Side Note - Ended up discussing more of Asexuality in fandom in general, but that's cool, right?...Right, well, the sections are marked, read as you so wish~)) Alright, this time we're not going to go too heavy into any darker topics, but there will be a deep examination of character, lore, asexuality, and a large heap of headcanons. There will also be a lot of microlabels, so I'll pop a short glossary at the end and some resources.

Also, please remember that no headcanon of mine is ever intended to override canon, or anyone else's HC - each HC is true and valid to the head it lives within~ that's the beauty of them, they are ours, and even when shared they remain our own to enjoy too.

What in the Hells is Asexuality Anyway? Aka, is Lia really trying to say the man she writes so much smut for is not sexual at all? (A brief overview of Asexuality)

Asexuality, in the most basic definition, means quite simply: "Experiencing limited or no sexual attraction." Now, look very closely. Some Asexuals, or Aces as we are sometimes called (and will be in this essay) experience absolute 0 sexual attraction. Some experience a very limited amount, or only under specific circumstances. It's also about Sexual Attraction and does not necessarily include feelings towards Action. I find this is best explained by the Split Attraction Model: Sexual Attraction - Attraction with a sexual component. Romantic Attraction - Attraction with a romantic component. Libido - Arousal, physical desire to act on arousal whether alone or partnered. Sex Drive - The desire to engage in partnered sexual activity, with or without arousal. A lot of people might look at those criteria and think "but those are the same thing", and for many that would be a fair assumption if they tend to be experienced simultaneously. But many among us only experience some parts, or they're not connected. The key is that whilst some Asexuals may experience little or none of any of those four, the only one relevant is the first, and an asexual with high libido or sex drive is no less asexual than any other, there's just no person attached to that libido or drive. So there are asexuals who enjoy sex, who have sexual relationships, and there are also asexuals who have no interest in any of that - the best part is, we're all valid!

Alright, But What Does This Have To Do With Raphael? The Devil Who Seduces In Every Other Sentence?

Right, see, here's the thing. He does flirt, but it never goes further. Seduction is just another tool that he uses, the same way he uses intimidation, promises, and bargains. It would be foolish of him to ignore the potential to bend someone to his schemes when he notices the colour rise to their cheeks when he talks, his goals need a lot of pieces to fall into place. None of it feels genuine. Raphael simply needs people to agree to his terms, and if the promise of sex secures a signature then so be it - besides, he has a hungry incubus at home who can fulfil that side of the deal without him ever having to lift a finger~ It isn't uncommon either for asexual people to make innuendo, lewd jokes, or to flirt without intention - some may even find that it's very easy to do this when there's no attraction or expectation. So for that... He reads as very Ace to me, it's all a part of the manipulation and the grand scheme. There's no actual attraction there. Interest? Certainly, the player character can be a very useful tool in his needs.

What About Haarlep? How Do They Fit In If Raphael Is Asexual?

Haarlep is an extremely sexual being, by their very nature they feed on sex and sexual energy, and we know by what they say that Raphael does indeed sleep with them. The canon would lead one to a logical microlabel when looking at Raphael and Haarlep together: Autosexual - This means experiencing more sexual attraction to yourself than to anyone else. This is a rarer microlabel, but still under the Ace umbrella as "limited sexual attraction" which can mean "attraction is very infrequent" and/or "attraction is only experienced under specific circumstances". And, of course, the HC territory can veer into Haarlep feeling like a safe enough option to deal with Libido and Sex Drive without having to find another partner or worry about attraction. You can also, if you really want to, bring in the canon that so many Anti-Raphael people love to scream about, "Haarlep says Raphael is bad in bed". Perhaps he is, perhaps he's just not into it beyond the simple release of tension and need. I'm not judging him for that, even if my HC is wildly different.

Why Is It Asexuals Like Him So Much? Is It Just Because He's Ace Too?

Well here come the deeper theories, based more on my own personal angle than anyone else's, so please do not assume this is the "only correct interpretation" nor the only way an ace may adore him. Plenty of aces don't feel any sexual or romantic attraction to Raphael, they're simply very fond of him as a character. He's interesting, oddly non-threatening because that flirtation is never pushed too far, never acted on, it's just there, a part of his clear interest in the player character (and he is obsessed, in his way, those diaries read like self-insert fan-fiction Raphael, my love, I see you). There's depth, intrigue, and the same things I've talked about before with villain fandom. So we can look deeper. Flirtation can be nice for anyone to feel, and oddly enough as an Ace I have often preferred characters who are open and overt in their attempts to seduce. This isn't necessarily true in life, real people and fiction are very different (hello, fellow FictoSexuals, good to have you here darlings~) but there is something appealing in the casual manner and clear tone. We also might have more of a draw to villains in general, but I've covered some of that in my last little ramble~ Reciprosexuals may also feel more for Raphael as he's initiating the flirtation, expressing potential attraction. Demisexuals are also likely to find that getting to know him is what draws them in. There's an element of "Forbidden Fruit" at play here too, in the way there isn't a romance for him (Haarlep does not count, they are their own being, a different personality). Then, of course we have kink.

Aces In Kinky Spaces

Here's the controversial one, loves, but I do ask that you approach this with understanding and compassion~ Not all aces are kinky. But there are a good portion who are. Kink is not always sexual, although it very much can be there are some people who enjoy, for example, "subspace" in BDSM - this is where a submissive reaches a kind of blissful inner peace as a result of being made to submit, their senses brought to focus on bondage, pain, or following orders. It varies from person to person, but it often described as a floaty feeling, freeing, relaxing, deeply satisfying without necessarily including anything sexual at all. Of course, kink can be sexual too, which you will find in a whole lot of my writing, don't think about it too hard darling let me have this one~ This can be helpful for someone not experiencing sexual attraction, but instead finding sex drive and libido from kink instead, allowing them to engage in sexual relationships and activity in a manner they are comfortable with and enjoy. There is also the safety of trust and rules with kink play. So the obvious reminder goes here: Consent is key Safe words and signals are binding and must be instantly respected when used Nobody should be shamed for safe word/signal use Aftercare is important and not optional Negotiation needs to happen before a scenario, not during/after When I write with Raphael, there's almost always the kink angle because he so naturally falls into D/s and Power Play tropes. On the surface you have a very Dominant personality, so it's easy to see him continuing that role in the bedroom. But then there's the other side, Raphael as a sub, not only because of what Haarlep says (and do remember "sub" and "bottom" are not the same thing), but because people who are often in control and making decisions in their daily life find freedom and enjoyment in giving over that control to someone else, not having to worry about anything but enjoying the situation while another takes on all those decisions. So he fits very well with plenty of kinky ace themes, and I quite like that feeling of "he's not just going to get into bed with someone who is pretty, there's going to be a genuine interest and desire there that's beyond the surface, a deeper need and longing for who they are". That's rather nice, honestly.

Aces and Spicy FanWorks

Alright going to draw this in to a close now loves we are running long with this one! FictoSexuals will be more aware of this than most, but fictional characters and works often have more draw because there's a layer of disconnection to it. There's no actual partner with expectations or needs, you can step away from fiction at any moment. You can close the app/browser, scroll past the art, stop reading, save and exit the game - there is complete control in how and when you engage with the content, whether consuming it or making it. So there are a fair few of us, playing around with those fantasies in art and writing, things that are fun and comfortable in our own ways, and I'm grateful that we have this space to do so~ I've met more than one fellow ace in the creative side of fandom and I'm simply never surprised by it. We aren't defined by our attractions, and we are collectively rather talented at this little hobby of ours~ The fun theory there is that when we don't experience much (or any) sexual attraction, we are looking that much closer when writing about it. We don't tend to skip it, we analyse what is attractive, where it comes from, how it might feel, why it feels that way, and that can present itself as deeper and more detailed fictional works. Whether that's in the posing and expressions of visual arts, or in the narration and dialogue of writing, we are paying attention to trying to get it right, whether it's an experience we can ever relate to personally or not.

Alright, Is This Thing Ever Ending?

It really should, you're so right~ Raphael Fandom, and other more niche characters, do have a fair amount of Asexuals for all the reasons above and likely a whole lot more too. I love that for us, and I love talking about it because there is so little Asexual visibility sometimes that people take many many years to even know they're ace because it's simply not an option they're aware of. So hello to all of you who slid down the OverCompensating Bisexual/Pansexual -> Asexual pipeline because you thought "feeling the same way towards any gender" was all that meant and didn't realise "feeling nothing towards any gender" is actually different and its own thing, oops. We're here now, and that's just fine~ Take care, beloved Aces, regardless where you are under the Asexual Umbrella, or what microlabels you wear.

You are valid, seen, heard, and loved.

^ Raphael realising he's not Bi/Pan, he's Ace and owning it, like the king he is. Or perhaps not king... Archduke of Asexuality~

---------------------------------- ---------------------------------- ASEXUAL RESOURCES AND MICROLABEL DEFINITIONS ---------------------------------- ----------------------------------

Asexual - Experiences little to no sexual attraction Greysexual/Grey Asexual - Experiences limited sexual attraction Demisexual - Only experiences attraction after an emotional bond has formed or knowing the individual well on a personal level Fraysexual - Sexual attraction is brief and does not last once an emotional bond is formed Fictosexual - Experiences sexual attraction towards fictional characters (art, writing, film, games, other media, but not real people) Autosexual - Attraction is towards the self more than to other people Reciprosexual - Only experiences attraction after attraction towards them has been clearly expressed --- This is not a full or comprehensive list of microlabels! Nor should people feel a need to use them. They are there to help us understand ourselves and to relate to others in the community. None have to be strict, and it is perfectly valid for your sexuality to shift during your lifetime for any reason. --- For more information and resources on Asexuality, I strongly recommend seeking out Ace communities, even on places like Reddit, and this website:

Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) Website

#baldurs gate 3 #fanfic #bg3 raphael #haarlep #asexuality #asexuality in fiction #asexuality in fanfiction #raphael the archduke of asexuality #aces in kink spaces #asexuality and kink #asexual #acespec #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #let's talk about asexuality because it's damn near invisible sometimes #asexual microlabels #aven #please feel free to discuss this in comments etc #we are all valid

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ace-bard · 3 months

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I briefly mentioned before how online kink communities are one of the few places I feel safe a trans person (I follow far far left subreddits and still feel twinge of fear whenever trans topics are brought up), but now that I've been to a few irl kink events the sad thing is,, they're also more inclusive of asexuals then queer communities are.

You have to pull teeth to get queers to admit aces even exist, much less include us, MUCH LESS actually know anything asexuality or the ace community. If you mention aces in kink queers hound you like "Wait I thought aces where evil sex negative puritans who hated sexuality?" "How could an ace ever possibly enjoy kink? How how how?

But multiple hosts/educators unprompted were like, yeah, aces are kinky sometimes and are welcome here :")

#asexual #kinky asexual #kinky ace #asexuality and kink #pro kink #tw acephobia mention #tw kink #tw kink mention #ask to tw #*at least my local community is (ymmv unfortunately)

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angled-aroace · 1 year

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Am I actually one of those cool kinky aces or is it just a special interest

#safeforace #ace #actually asexual #asexual #aspec #kink positive #kink posi #kinky ace #asexuality and kink #tw kink mention #autistic aces #maybe both!

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bloggingboutburgers · 11 months

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Quick reminder since apparently it bears reminding in both directions: if bigoted people, closed-minded people overall, or your own internalized insecurities misinterpret a queer person’s message in a way that hurts/endangers you, yeah, it sucks, but it’s not the fault of the queer person in question, nor should it be a reason for them to silence themselves. They’re probably as hurt/pissed as you are that someone misinterpreted and misused their message to do harm.

Of course sadly there’ll still be queer people that actually DO mean harm and dismissal to other queer people – I ain’t speaking for those and it’s not the best way to ensure their and others’ wellbeing imo. I’m just saying – not all people will be like that. That’s what I want to believe. So hopefully let’s not put everyone in the same bag, keep supporting each other, WHILE allowing each other to advocate for our own visibility, without having to self-erase or self-censor to accomodate to what haters might say.

It’ll be tougher this way, maybe, because humans seem to like to draw extreme conclusions very quick, but I don’t believe there’s any better way for us all to be alright and stay alright on the long run.

#no one can know i don't like sex #queer solidarity #asexual #kink at pride #tw queerphobia #bleh i'm rambling but i hope this'll come across OK #this has been on my mind a lot lately #my art #nonburger

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beeg-bark · 5 months

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Being chased through the forest by two malicious doms, them just working as a unit, hunting you, saving their energy, that way they’re both still full of strength while you get weaker and weaker, more and more exhausted. What happens when they finally catch you, when you have no strength left to fight back or run? Slammed down into the forest floor, pinned against the foliage while they discuss how to ruin their freshly caught prey.

#dogbone #asexual kink #primal kink #predator prey #wolf pack dynamic type shit #they’re so much smarter than you #puppy space #fear kink #prey kink #predator kink #puppy sub #I didn’t know this was a kink I had #but #FUCK IT I GUESS???

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uhitsum · 25 days

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this paunch has thickened up so nicely, i had a good night in with an encourager too 🥴 had me chugging shakes and snacking for the past 2 hours, i feel sooo bloated. if i wasn't so damn fat, this belly would've been taut as a drum for the video lol.

^ proof of being taut as a drum, i recorded the video like half an hour after the shake so it had settled a bit

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one-time-i-dreamt · 10 months

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My cousin, who is ace, was in an arranged marriage, so my family and I did the only logical thing: roast the man so hard he cancels the wedding. The plan backfired because he had a humiliation kink.

#dream #cousin #ace #family #arranged marriage #marriage #asexuality #asexual #humiliation kink #what

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psychiatricwarfare · 4 months

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hey btw everyone- people with mental disabilities can and, very often do, experience sexual attraction, get horny, have kinks/fetishes/paraphilias, masturbate, have sex, etc. this includes people with intellectual disabilities and/or any kind of developmental disabilities.

please stop acting like mentally disabled people Never have Any sexual wants/needs when that is so unbelievably untrue that by saying that, youre just admitting that you have obviously never interacted with more than a handful of mentally disabled people, if any at all.

i see it all the time (particularly irl when i talk about my job) where people will try to say that mentally disabled people cant have sex because they're basically children or because they dont understand it or because they cant make their own choices or it would always be coercion or they never ever want it themselves and that just isnt fucking true????

mentally disabled people can make their own choices, they know what feels good to them and what doesnt, they understand when they want to do something and when they don't. mentally disabled adults are not "like children". mentally disabled people are capable of being sexual. sure, some mentally disabled ppl are asexual, just like some able minded people are asexual. because mentally disabled people are human beings, just like everyone else

#fungal spores #this was inspired by some of my coworkers & i privately discussing the various different kinks/fetishes of some of our clients #and it got brought up how so many people genuinely believe that disabled people are all universally asexual/sex repulsed #and we were just laughing about it bc its literally Visibly untrue #disabled #actually disabled #mentally disabled #mental disability #intellectual disability #developmental disability #autism #actually autistic

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tummysmoocher · 11 months

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I wanna just. Feed someone. And sit in their lap and feel as they get fuller and hear them whimper and shift around as they won’t stop eating regardless. See them push past their limit just because it tastes so good and they can’t help themself. Soft tummy getting fuller and firmer as they beg me to rub it and help them feel better. And I want them to be so aware of how turned on it’s making me to watch them and feel them and feed them.

#HELLO PEOPLE OF MY KINK BLOG. I AM MENSTRUATING. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.#my uterus breaking through the layers of both my antidepressants AND my asexuality to bring hornyposting to you all.#anyway.#soft feedism #wg text

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ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity · 3 months

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Credit: insta @/acedadadvice

[there was no image description on Instagram or Facebook, I would welcome if someone wrote one into a reblog]

Obviously these terms aren’t set in stone, these definitions aren’t gospel, use whatever definition/ term you are most comfortable with!

I’m sharing this because I went “oh hey, it me!” when I saw this.

I have made it a point to call myself averse to sex consistently and I will keep using sex-aversion to describe my views. It’s nice to see this info-graphic mention aegosexuality in context of that :)

Because yea, I’m a sex-averse aego-ace

EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION: Aegosexual as a sub- / micro-label for asexuality is not inherently connected to being sex-averse. The mention of aegosexuality in this context refers to an aego-ace being comfortable with the fantasy/ idea/ imagination of sex without necessarily wanting to participate in those sexual acts. Many aegosexuals use the label because we prefer sexual fantasies and things we can remove ourselves from (aego literally meaning “without self”). Not all aego-aces are sex-averse. Which is precisely why I said “mentioned in the context of that” since aegosexuality is not inherent to being sex-averse and sex-aversion is not inherent to aegosexuality.

Also, please keep in mind this is about personal feelings towards sex and towards participating in sex. Most asexuals are sex-positive which means we support that everyone has the right to have as much or as little sex, as vanilla or as kinky, as they want to have.

Sex is not shameful, sex is simply something people can do with their bodies. Sex is exactly as meaningful/ intimate as the people participating want it to be. A bodily activity or the most intimate act to share with your chosen partner – it’s as important as you make it out to be, nothing more, nothing less.

#about me #about the mod #sex averse #sex repulsion #sex repulsed #sex aversion #sex positive asexual #sex positivity #sex positive #we are kink positive here sir #kink mention #kink positive #kink ment #acedadadvice #aegosexual #id in alt text #id included #image described #image description in alt

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idiopathicsmile · 2 years

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gonna just dip my toe into some fairly toxic discourse

to say that when people hold up asexuals like me as a reason to ban any expression of kink from pride parades and the like, i am reminded of an experience i had in kindergarten, where a fellow five-year-old completely misunderstood how my dairy allergies worked and thought he could make me pass out by waving a piece of cheese at me.

like, okay, i don't experience sexual attraction to anybody; that doesn't mean i'm gonna melt like the wicked witch of the west if i see someone else wearing bondage gear. i'm a grown adult and frankly, straight allo culture throws more explicit portrayals of sexuality at me every day. trust me, i can handle it. don't project your puritan ideals onto me.

for the record, speaking only for this asexual, the actual things that make me uncomfortable at pride are cops, crowds, and (as someone very susceptible to burning and heat exhaustion) the sun. one of those things should be banned while the other two are basically inevitable. kink doesn't even begin to factor into it.

#anyway uh happy pride #if we could ban the sun from pride THEN we'd be talkin #let's not even get into the fact that asexuality is a spectrum and plenty of ace folks are into kink we will be here all damn day #if you're wondering about the kid with the cheese yes he was an asshole #food cw

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angled-aroace · 1 year

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the idea that we see you just as you are, don't care a single fuck, but think you're still amazing enough to be besties who hang out for forever and have sex still, is honestly not nearly as evil as people who villainize kink/sex positive aroace folx think it is.

They're mad no one's ever loved them past their looks or wanted to get to know them deeper for non-romantic or sexual reasons. That's not for me to have to unpack, that's between them and their therapist.