#bc he wants to *tell steve*!! and steve wants to listen!! and finally that vulnerability between them shifts and ugh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ohsofoxyclocks · 4 years

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‪So, I have many thoughts about the finale ending that I haven’t even sorted out my feelings about yet BUT posts on here have helped me see the positives in the ending...Yes I’m still bothered by some of the beach conversation and the TIMING of Steve’s temporary leave and the fact of what we see last on the screen despite knowing Steve will of course return, but I’m going to put that aside to focus on OMG WE JUST GOT AN ALMOST WHOLE EPISODE STRAIGHT FROM A FANFIC THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVED. I know much of this has been discussed so I apologize if it’s repetitive, but a bunch of my favorite McDanno fanfiction tropes just actually happened in canon and I just...still can’t believe we actually got all of it? So I wanted to make my own list, and feel free to add on or expand or share your thoughts about any of these!! Let’s take stock (warning, this is long!): ‬

‪-Danny calling Steve in distress, Steve immediately leaving his important cipher mystery meeting to get to him. Can already see Steve starting to freak out before the gunshots ring out when he looks out the window and stutters. ‬

‪-Gunshots ringing out OVER THE LINE, and Steve very obviously starting to panic. Drives like a maniac (still confused on how going INTO oncoming traffic was supposed to help but I digress). Steve yelling Danny’s name repeatedly desperate to hear his voice‬

‪-arriving at a burning camaro, screaming Danny’s name (fun tip: play this bit in slow motion!), and STICKING HIS ARM IN A BURNING CAR/catching himself on fire when he thinks Danny could be inside‬

‪-You can hear the creeping desperation/emotion in Steve’s voice as he’s giving orders to HPD (“Detective Danny Williams-MY PARTNER-you know who he is”)‬

-Steve actually mobilizing the whole island to find his Danno. (Again, something I never really expected to see outside of a fanfic). “I want every person on this island with a badge looking for Danny Williams”‬

-Steve’s face when he walks into HQ with Cole and the tears in his eyes when Tani is showing him the kidnapping footage ‬

‪-Just the whole “An enemy of Steve’s uses Danny to get to him”!!!! I always wanted it but never expected it so explicitly ‬

‪-“I HAVE THE PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT MOST IN THE WORLD.” GUYS—IT DOESNT MATTER WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS BECAUSE THIS IS CANON BABY. We knew it, everybody knows it, but now it’s confirmed. When rewatching the series, remember this<3 also part of me is like, will all the other criminals hear about this and try to do the same when Steve comes back since Steve put up no fight in giving in to Dayui Mei’s demands? Isthiswhyheleftsoquickly‬.

-video footage of Danny strung up and bloodied...fanfic come to life. Steve’s face when he sees this....‬

‪-Steve looking like he’s gonna simultaneously collapse, panic, and murder someone when Dayiu Mei is asking him what he will do‬

‪-Steve not hesitating to give into Mrs. Wo Fat’s demands bc any risk is too risky when Danno is involved‬

‪-The team trying to get Steve to give a flying fart about the cipher when Danny’s life is on the line and Steve still not giving a flying fart. ‬

-Steve finding Danny lying helpless on the floor. His whispered “Danny” when he first sees him (you have to listen close for this because the dramatic background music is super loud at this point).‬

‪-His little stream of soft, comforting reassurances as he’s getting Danno to the car. Danny holding onto him‬

‪-CRADLING BLOODIED, STRUGGLING TO-BREATHE-DANNO TO HIS CHEST IN HIS ARMS. My mom, who doesn’t ship McDanno romantically but loves their friendship, when this happened: “whoa! That’s a little much (gay), don’t you think?” Hehe, no, it’s perfect. ‬

-More tears from Steve as he’s holding Danny on the way to the hospital.‬

-Steve’s comforting reassurances and refusing to let go of Danny on the gurney until he’s absolutely forced to. DANNY REACHING FOR HIM, Steve’s reassuring pat. Steve’s face as he looks down at him fearing how dire this is.‬

‪-Steve’s face as he collapses against the wall when they roll Danny through the double doors, closing his eyes, trying to calm his breathing as he tries to avoid thinking about the unthinkable.‬

-STEVE BARGAINING WITH GOD FOR DANNY’S LIFE. After not seeing him pray before I don’t think? His face...that emotion...omg. He very obviously can’t imagine living in a world without Danny in it, and would rather die than do so. ‬

-Side note: Imo, Steve seemed closed off to the team—physically and emotionally—when he wasn’t sure Danny would make it. Almost as if we got a glimpse of the Steve he’d be without his Danno, if that makes sense. Notice how he’s turned away from them in the waiting room/chapel, how he didn’t even look at them when Danny was wheeled away through the double doors. How he didn’t give an eff about the cipher they were trying to get him to care about. Not that he doesn’t have beautiful Ohana bonds with the other team members because of course he does, but...it’s just different with Danny and I don’t know how he would’ve made it through this one, especially considering his already struggling state at the time. I think we kind of saw a glimpse of that, is my point. They both helped each other grow since first meeting, and it was almost like that part Danny helped bring out in Steve went away with Danny when Steve thought he might lose him. If that makes sense? More on this later? ‪

‪-Steve holding unconscious Danny’s hand❤️❤️❤️ Closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath right after taking his hand (anyone want to gif this moment? ;) )-side camera view of this moment so was hard to see but it’s there. Seeming to look at the machines for reassurances that Danny is alive, healthy. Scanning him over and likely feeling guilty for the marks on his body. Holding his head in his hands by Danny’s bedside.‬

‪-the whole conversation when Danny wakes up! Danny, probably a little doped up, all sweet and reassuring and cuddly and funny. “Why’d you stop holding my hand?” and Steve immediately taking his hand back and rubbing his forearm I think (this was out of the camera angle tho so idk for sure). Steve’s voice tinged with so much emotion when he says “Buddy.” And, Steve being emotionally vulnerable/open again bc his Danno is back!! This whole scene I just fhdisksml. ‬

‪-Steve’s smiling and squeezing and wrapping his arms around Danno like an octopus when he hugs him (I wish we had some additional slightly different camera angles of this hug-as was shown in the promo for example-but I digress again). Danny closing his eyes for a moment, seeming to savor it. Steve getting Danny to look him in the eyes to tell him he loves him. To me, this scene had a very “see you again soon” rather than “goodbye” vibe even though I wish there were parts of the dialogue that were different. ‬

‪-Steve slowing down, looking unsure, and turning back to look at Danny before he leaves. Anyone wanna analyze this? Maybe just a “I know I need to do this so I can come back and be the person I need to be for both of us but fuqqit imma miss you while I’m gone” or “I need to leave so no one can use/hurt him to get to me again right now.” Or just “hey maybe this isn’t the most genius plan.” Idk, but I would LOVE to hear Scott and Alex’s take on this scene. Also they filmed this scene before the show was ended by CBS so who knows how that factored into it. If they thought there would be a possible reunion later?

‪-Telling Eddie to look after Danno, which definitely means Danny will be keeping his house/bed warm til his hubby returns.‬

‪-fleeting thought I have that I might expore later: possible acting choices in the difference in hand holding/smiles between with Danny vs. Catherine?Notthepointofthispostthosoweskipfornow‬

‪-I might post thoughts on other things later but I mainly just wanted to compile this list of straight-out-of-fanfic moments that 100% confirms Danny IS the most important person in Steve’s life and OF COURSE he will return and text/call him everyday til then. Regardless of the end, which is really so open that we can do so many beautiful things with now, most of the episode served as a beautiful culmination of what Steve and Danny have come to mean to each other throughout the last 10 years, and we can rest peaceful and happy in that. ❤️‬ (this is also me still trying to convince myself to be okay with the way things were left on the beach/the conversation, etc)

I would love to hear y’all’s thoughts about any of this!!‬ if you made it this far—I apologize again for the length but lovey boys call for lovey rambles

#h50 #hawaii five 0 #mcdanno #theboysloveeachothersomuch

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peterporkerpeter · 6 years

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Code Red P.VII [Peter Parker x Avenger!Reader]

SUMMARY: When the Avengers are given the mission to acquire a deadly weapon in the possession of a suspicious professor, Y/N must attend a gala in order to charm the professor’s quite dangerous son. Her date to the gala? None other than her crush: Peter Parker himself. That’s bound to make for an interesting evening

CONTAINS: mention of sexual harrassment (for like only a hot sec), blood, swearing, ANGST, FLUFF, peter parker crying oof

WC: 4.000

A/N: i’m so proud of this chapter, it is my favorite one yet and i really hope that you guys like this one. i was listening to some good tunes when i was writing and it got me really in the zone lol. this chapter is extra long bc i was feeling like a generous bitch so i hope yall like it. im literally screaming. hope you have a great day/night! :) Also, some people have mentioned that the tag list isn’t working for them! I’m so sorry about that, and if i’m being honest i have no idea how to fix it lol

| ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | EIGHT |

Y/N SLAMMED HER DOOR shut, violently throwing her heels onto the mattress. There were several things she needed to do, the first being to find a new, fresh pair of clothes to change into. Breathing heavily, Y/N shimmied out of her red dress, now stained with dark crimson splotches. She ferreted through her closet, ignoring the bursts of pain from her worn wrists.

She settled on a comfortable cream sweater and a pair of gray sweat pants, feeling better already. She rolled up the sleeves and headed for the bathroom, where she dunked her head down towards the sink, flipping on the faucet. It took a century and a half to get majority of the makeup off her face without irritating her fresh wounds too badly, the water turning a mixture of red, black, and brown.

Y/N patted her face dry, relieved that her skin could finally breathe. The cuts still stung like a bitch, but she couldn't care less. She was home in her room, clothed in something comfortable and no longer in imminent danger for the rest of the night. It was a breath of fresh air to her, not just her skin.

She tried not to think about the way she had treated her team earlier. She knew she was acting mean and impulsive, but the words kept spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them. She just couldn't bare standing in that living room after brushing close with death a handful of times. And her head—God, her head. It would not stop pounding, like someone was driving an ice pick straight into her skull.

The mere thought of Axel's face caused a tremor to spike in her heart. She glanced in the mirror, eyeing the injuries he'd given her as some sick present. The coldness in his eyes still left her afraid. She felt like an idiot, too. She knew something was off, but she still insisted with continuing with the mission regardless of her countering intuition. In some twisted way, she felt like part of it was her own fault. Maybe that's why she acted out—because she was ashamed.

She felt a chill run down her spine, Axel's ghosting touch still grazing along her leg, his hot breath nipping at her ear. It felt like he was on top of her, smothering he beneath him until she couldn't breath. She felt like she was drowning. She didn't want to think of what else a sadistic asshole like him was capable of. She just hoped her team would deal with him.

Warm tears poured down her cheeks, and she buried her face in her hands, wishing she could just stop thinking for a minute.

Y/N swallowed, shaking her head. She sniffled, then started to tend to her wounds.

THE TEAM ARRIVED HOME fourty-five later, completely drained and exhausted from the demanding evening. It didn't take long for Fury to send in a clean up crew and detain Axel. His father still remained in the wind, but there was no knowing if he was going to be charged for anything or not—at least not by S.H.I.E.L.D. considering the weapon was nowhere to be found. Peter had managed to create a pretty accurate cover story for the gem, not wanting Y/N to get punished for dealing with it on her own accord. He trusted that she knew what she was doing, and he would ask her about it later, just not when she was so vulnerable and upset.

Everyone was concerned for Y/N. She hadn't sent a message or any word at all regarding whether or not she was doing all right. Then again, they didn't really expect to hear from her. They knew she was in a quite sensitive state of mind, and they understood. They've all been where she is at some point in their lives. Pain was inevitable. Only time could tell when Y/N would finally realize that.

"Can we not come in tomorrow?" Clint grumbled rhetorically.

"Is Y/N asleep?" Wanda asked. "Someone needs to make sure she's patched up after the beating she took. And we need to make sure those wrists aren't infected."

"I got it," Peter muttered.

"The other guy looked worse," Natasha grinned sheepishly. "That broken coffee table in there? She slammed him down on top of it with her hands tied. She is a badass, and she'll get through this."

"She shouldn't have to," Tony murmured. His guilty conscience continued to give him a difficult time throughout the night. He knew he wouldn't sleep tonight—not with where his thoughts were. Not with the image of her wrists rubbed raw and bleeding engraved in his mind like a tattoo.

Tony turned towards Peter, whose eyes were beginning to droop. The poor kid looked utterly broken down, but he pushed through. All he wanted to do was see Y/N. The older man clasped a hand on his trainee's shoulder. "You did good today, kiddo. Honestly, the teens saved the whole day with this one. You both kicked some major ass. Props to you."

Peter shrugged, fingers tightening around the bag of Chick-Fil-A absentmindedly dangling from his grip. "Doesn't matter. Thanks, but . . . it doesn't matter. I-I don't know why she was so upset with you guys, if anything when I got there she just seemed sad—"

"And that's a normal response to a traumatizing situation," Natasha shook her head. "It's expected to lash out, especially out of shame or embarrassment. And she's still just a kid, Peter. She didn't have her powers, just what she knew from what we taught her. She was scared."

"She will come around tomorrow," Steve added. "Let her rest. Let her eat. It's best to leave her be. Someone will go in and check out her—"

"I can," Peter interjected. "She'll talk to me."

The elevator dinged, the doors sliding open to reveal the living room of the main floor. The kitchen was untouched, the cold granite countertops wiped clean the precise way they were before the team dispatched. Darkness embodied the room, silence enveloping the homey premises. Peter noticed the familiar outline of a girl standing outside on the balcony, her elbows resting upon the cement wall, eyes looking out amongst the humming city illuminated below.

"There she is," Wanda smiled fondly.

Peter's eyes softened, sparkling faintly in the darkness. A familiar warmth ignited within his chest, his lips parting slightly, curving up to form the faintest smile. It was soft like stardust. He was awestricken and intrigued and nervous. He noticed she was wearing a casual sweater and sweatpants, and she looked just as beautiful as she did earlier in her long, silk gown.

Y/N was nonchalantly manipulating a glowing line of orange tinted energy, watching cathartically as the color twisted to follow the smooth, fluid movements of her fingertips. She seemed at ease for the first time this evening since her and Peter shared their dance; he would give anything just to have her that close to him again.

He could still vaguely feel her lips pressed against his. He remembered the warmth that had curled around him like a cozy blanket afterward. The brokenness in her eyes when he last saw her hurt him more than he anticipated it would. He never wanted to see her like that again—bleeding, crying, fighting for her life. Never. He would do anything to protect her, even if that meant his own demise in the process.

Y/N glanced over her shoulder, exhausted eyes falling upon the crowd of people pouring in from the elevator. Her team looked entirely worn out from the intense mission, their bodies hunched and feet dragging wherever they wandered. Clint caught her gaze, the smallest of smiles creeping onto his face. He raised his hand into the air, offering the girl a wave. Y/N waved back with pursed lips and glittering eyes, then turned back around to face the open.

It was always a miraculous sight—the city. In the morning it was buzzing with light and intensity. Sunlight bored down on the cracked streets, cars lulling through frustrating traffic, people honking at their neighbors. The hues were of red and gray variety, shades of beige and powder blue adorning the graffitied walls and painted freight trains. Time was consistent during the day. It was never ending. It went on forever, and so did the people living within it. They got up at the same time every morning and hustled to work, took their lunch break at the bodega or crammed in their office, then went home and repeated the same damn routine all over again the very next day.

And then there was the nighttime, when blackness ascended over the city, and the tangerine sun slipped beneath the horizon. At night the city came alive. It was unpredictable and adventurous. You never knew what the city would do when the lights went out in the sky. Overbearing neon shades illuminated the large, glowing signs of theaters and cinemas, hotels and twenty-four hour diners. The streets were clearer, still littered with cars full of tired adults, hoping to get home to their beds for a few hours of sleep before they had to awake early the following morning.

Y/N could see herself in the city at nighttime, waltzing into unprecedented territories with nothing but a high adrenaline and a desire to see beyond vibrancy of its core.

But it was the transition from day to night that really got her—the part of the day when the stars were hardly out and the sun still managed to remain a glowing orb of glistening orange light in the sky. The stars were distant, like they were gently dusted across a canvas of baby blue, powdered on by a paintbrush like a Monet. There was so much going on in this hour, but the transition made so much sense to her. The more she watched and scrutinized the switch, the more she understood how much night and day were alike. As quickly as time moved during this period, it slowed. Time stopped here. Right on the skyline, the moment always stretching out to form a thousand more.

"Hey," Peter's voice broke her from the impenetrable wall of thoughts towering in her head. "I uh, I brought you food."

Y/N turned to face her friend, ignited eyes falling onto the bag of Chick-Fil-A dangling by his leg. A soft chuckle emitted from her scratchy throat.

"Thanks," the girl whispered. She grabbed the bag from his hands and set it on the nearby table. "How's the team?"

"Worried about you," Peter replied honestly. "And I am too."

"I'm just trying to not think about it at the moment. I've been trying to clear my mind," Y/N sighed. "I kicked that guy's ass, didn't I? Stupid Axel fucking Klein. Lucky you came when you did. I would've managed to kill him someway."

Peter shook his head. "No, you wouldn't have."

She cocked her head, furrowing her brows. "Yeah, you're right, I wouldn't have. But I wish I could. I wish I could kill him." A pause followed. The tension between them was thick—thicker than it ever had been before. She could taste it on her tongue. "So, what? The team send you out here because they know I'm a softy for you?"

Peter shrugged. "I-I volunteered. Tony bought the food, but I . . . I wanted to see you. I needed to."

Y/N stared into his eyes for a moment. They were soft and gentle, glistening like fragments of crystals. He somehow reminded her of the soft strum of an acoustic guitar. She found herself reaching forward for him, wanting to touch him during a circumstance that wasn't as vile and as graphic as the last. She wanted to touch him when she wasn't just about to immerse herself into a dangerous mission. She wanted to touch him when they were alone together with the unpredictable, haphazard rosy aura of the city during night.

"Peter," she whispered. She loved his name so much. She loved saying it. She loved hearing it. She loved hearing Peter.

Her hand caressed his jaw, the pad of her thumb gently grazing across the irritated cut on his cheekbone like the leaf of a swaying plant. She heard him release a shallow breath, his eyes flickering between the fragile placement of her hand and the bandages looped tightly around her damaged wrists.

"I thought I was going to die tonight," Y/N drew her hand away, feeling colder. Peter felt the same way. Peter always felt the same way. "I thought I was going to die in the hands of that . . . psychopath. You should've see the look on his face when he caught me in the car with his hands all over me. He looked so smug, so—"

"His hands were what?" Peter interrupted, anger flaring in his stomach. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip, red pooling in his eyes. He hated the guy. He hated him with every fiber in his body, and he wished he'd done a lot more to him than punch him a mere few times. No, he should've throttled him. He should've made him suffer longer, just the same way he did to Y/N. He should've—

"Peter," Y/N could sense his rage. She reached out to touch his hand, hoping to soothe the whirlwind of impulsive thoughts plaguing his mind. "He didn't do anything else. Not anything like you're thinking. He just had to get close so he could sedate me."

"I'm sorry. I-I wish I could've done more, Y/N, I—"

Peter's heart was racing. It was driving him insane, he had to tell her that he loved her. He couldn't wait any longer. He couldn't keep holding off for the right time—there was never a right time in the world to tell someone that you loved them, at least not in his world. In his world, death followed like a shadow with every risky move you made. In his world, witches were real and there was a living, breathing one standing right in front of him. There was never a right time for anything when he was Spider-Man, and there was never a right time for anything when he was Peter Parker because time always seemed to fade more quickly than it came.

Was now a right time to tell her? On the balcony of a tower overlooking the prospering, stagnant city below, right after her run in with death at the hands of some lunatic? He didn't want to take advantage of her, and he didn't want to scare her away. He would have to wait another day. He'd have to wait for the sun come up, then go back down again. Another day, another time, until finally it was the right time. Until finally he no longer had to wait.

"Peter, what are you thinking?" Y/N questioned.

"I-I—" the words were fading from his tongue. It was never the right time. "I don't . . . know."

Y/N tilted her head, perplexed by Peter's odd behavior. It wasn't like the boy didn't normally act odd, but now he was acting strange. He wasn't looking at her like a crippled, wounded animal or a damsel in distress desperate for a strong rescuer. He was just looking. His eyes were glazing over, but she didn't know with what. Was he sad? Angry? Frustrated with her? Tears leaked from his melancholy brown irises, slipping down his flushed cheeks. They glimmered like scattered fragments of moonlights.

"Peter, what's wrong?" she asked, her tone urgent and thick with worry. Her hands quickly moved to grab his arms, grounding him, letting him know she was there with him—as she would always be.

She waited patiently for him to respond, his sniffles filling the air. Peter didn't know why he was crying; he felt like complete idiot for doing so, but he just couldn't stop himself. The tears kept falling, streaming down his skin until they dropped from the bottom of his chin onto the ground. All he had to do was just feel her touching him, and suddenly he was an emotional kid. He wasn't Spider-Man or an Avenger. He was just Peter Parker. And Peter Parker had lost so much that the mere thought of losing someone else so important to him—he couldn't bare it. Not on top of the countless years of repressed pain and emotional baggage still anchored deep within his roots. Then to come too close to losing Y/N tonight . . . It was all too much to handle.

"Hey, Pete. You're okay. We're okay," Y/N's voice was soft like silk. Her hands ran soothingly up and down the length of his arms, almost as if she was warming him up after a long snowy day. "Talk to me, Pete."

"I-I just—I almost lost you tonight," he professed, and the words began to tumble out at the same rate as his tears. "And when I saw you in there, I just couldn't stop thinking . . . about what I would do if you . . . I just couldn't stop thinking. And-and thinking and thinking. And then I knew right then and there that I would never let myself lose you ever because I need you, Y/N. I need you more than anything."

Y/N's face melted, her eyes shimmering at his trembling words. They fell so seamlessly from his lips. Her stomach churned, empathy burning bright within her core. She felt the same way. She felt the same way about Peter Parker as he did her, and she felt the same way yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. She always felt the same way. She always would.

"I need you too, Peter," Y/N assured him strongly.

She grabbed his face, pulling him down so she could press her lips firmly against his damp cheeks. She peppered them along his skin, electrifying him with every touch, anchoring him further and further towards the ground, onto the winding road leading towards the glamorous city buoyant with tranquil life. She held him tight, and she would never let him go. Not now, not ever.

"No, Y/N! You don't get it!" he sobbed, pulling away. "You don't understand why I need you!"

"Then just tell me! Peter, tell me. Why do you need me?" Y/N cried.

"I-I'm in love with you," he proclaimed, standing in a pool of his tears. "I'm in love with you, and I almost couldn't save you."

Y/N was rendered utterly and profoundly speechless by Peter Parker.

The nighttime is unpredictable.

"W-what happens when I can't save you anymore?" he whispered, like if he spoke those words they would magically come true. Almost like a spell.

Her forehead wrinkled, desperation contorted onto her features. She didn't really care about what the city would feel like during the nighttime anymore, not when the transition of day to night was still fresh in her bones. Not when Peter Parker was telling her he was in love with her. He wasn't infatuated. He was in love. And that felt like time wrapped up in a perfect little bow.

Y/N placed her palm against his chest, feeling the rapid pace of his beating heart. She ran her hand up the back of his neck, Peter's eyes shining with her every liquid-like movement. He let his lids drop, wet lashes gluing together. She closed her eyes, gently pushing his neck down for his lips to meet hers. Time stops here. Her lips ghosted over his, her breaths quick and hot. Falling in love with Peter felt so painless, but suddenly she felt like she was on fire. Everything felt too real, too raw. Love seemed to operate quite frequently in the gray area of life.

"But you did. You can't think about the 'what-if's, Peter. There's always going to be 'what-if's." She whispered against his mouth.

Y/N closed the gap between their lips, the kiss soft and slow, her breath hitching dead in her throat. She couldn't grasp a hold on any of her thoughts as Peter gently reciprocated the kiss. She no longer felt any pain. She should've told Peter she loved him long before tonight. She should've told him she loved him before they left for the mission. She should've, but it just didn't feel like the right time. When did it ever feel like the right time? Time was more unpredictable than the city.

The kiss grew deeper, Peter's hand trailing up her body to hold her face delicately his calloused palm. He could feel her hands shaking like leaves on the back of his neck, her pants growing hasty as their lips entwined and tangled together. He could taste her so clearly now—something minty and reminiscent of cherries. It soon became his favorite flavor.

She pulled away, eyes still closed. She savored the moment for all of its worth. "Peter . . ." swift drawls of breath, "I love you too."

Relief and happiness fell from his lips in the form of unearthly laughter. A smile brighter than any sun or any hue covered both their faces before their lips collided once again. Peter's hands gently stroked down the length of her hair, taming the frizzy strands and smoothening the tousled pieces. Fits of laughter were muffled by the showering of intimate, fervent kisses. Peter basked blissfully in her ethereal beauty and slipped into a state of tranquility, knowing for certain that he did save Y/N, and she was here in front of him. Now. And it was the right time. He dropped his hands to her waist, allowing her to caress his angular jaw, her thumbs pressing affectionately into his cheekbones. The tears once wet on his face dried beneath the gasps of hot breath, and everything in the world seemed to succumb to the tenderness of their love for each other.

And even the city, as rambunctious as it was during the day, and as somberly alive as it was in the dead of night, seemed to sink into the earth, leaving time behind. Because when there was no time, there was no need to wait for the right moment. Not when the right moment could be every single one in a thousand.

Clint found himself walking across the living room at such a prime time. Somehow, he was always the one to walk in on Peter and Y/N, but this time, he did not interfere. He merely looked for a moment with a smile tugging at his lips, then proceeded towards the kitchen to fix himself a cup of coffee.

Tony soon joined him, hoping to find some leftover pizza crammed in the refrigerator. After all, he was going to be up all night—might as well not work on an empty stomach.

At first, he walked straight past the window, eyes casually glazing over the two figures passionately kissing on the balcony behind the sliding glass doors. As soon as the man hit the fridge, he had to backtrack, mentally rewinding what he actually saw. He relapsed his steps, Clint nonchalantly sipping on his mug, checking to see if the sugar-cream ratio sufficed.

"What?" That was the only word Tony could seem to coherently speak for the moment. He tilted his head to the side, pinching his eyes shut before reopening them again. Definitely not dreaming. "A-are they—?"

"Yep," Clint replied, pleased with his hot drink. He walked around the counter to join Tony staring at the balcony from the island.

"On the—?"

"Yep."

"Should I—?"

"Nope."

"Gross."

MASTERLIST.

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#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker blurb #peter parker one shot #peter parker fic #peter parker series #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x avenger!reader #spiderman #spider man: homecoming #spiderman x reader #tom holland #tom holland x reader #avengers x reader #avengers #peter parker masterlist

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zeroconnectionn · 5 years

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Some ppl might not like this and thats perfectly fair and u can totally ignore this but um,, Wintershieldshock in a The Handmaid's Tale au, anyone? Also no powers/superhumans in this AU.

Darcy is June, Bucky is Nick, and Steve is Luke. Not sure who from the MCU could be the Waterfords tho

more plot and who-would-be-who under the cut (edited bc the tags were limited)

I see Jane as Emily/Ofglen and Nat as Moira. And like Moira, Nat escapes and lives with Steve in Canada, hopefully cooking up plans to get Darcy back and destroy Gilead with the information she has. I also see Wanda as Erin?

I can explain why Bucky would be part of Gilead/Sons of Jacob. I wanna say that maybe Bucky and Steve were in the army together and were discharged from service pre-Gilead. War hardened them both, Bucky lost an arm, Steve can’t forgive himself for it, and things just weren’t the same after they got back. While Steve tried to get better, Bucky was getting worse, mentally and financially. This leads to him getting recruited by SoJ (which is, if you think about it, HYDRA), a terrorist organization that has no qualms targeting angry and vulnerable war vets like Bucky who lost their sense of purpose. They offer him benefits he can’t refuse, namely a new arm that works just as good as his old one, if not better (It’s God’s gift to him, they said) and a new direction in life. He starts working for Commander Pierce as a spy.

Steve goes for therapy to cope with his trauma. One day, he meets Darcy, they fall in love, get married, and later have a daughter named Sarah. Steve tells Darcy about Bucky and everything they’ve been through. Every year, they invite him for holiday celebrations with the Rogers but he seldom attends them. Since his first visit, Darcy decides she doesn’t really like Bucky but she can see how much Steve and Bucky care about each other, and Bucky is Sarah’s favourite uncle who spoils her rotten, so she plays nice when he’s around. Steve thinks the ice between them is funny, his best pal and his best girl at odds with each other despite being eerily similar.

The two men eventually reconnect and catch up on the years spent apart, sharing their personal and very different struggles coping with life after the war. Everything was going well until Bucky confides in Steve about his association with SoJ. Steve begs him to leave but Bucky’s stubborn, firmly believing that SoJ could make the world better. It’s the final nail in the coffin of their childhood friendship. But even then, it’s Bucky’s name that Steve still cries out in his nightmares at night. As she holds him, Darcy finds herself hating Bucky, hating him for hurting Steve like this, hating him for ever leaving them, his family.

Then shit goes down in the US. Bucky warns Steve about Gilead going military, about the coup in the white house, he tells Steve to get his ass to Canada with Darcy and Sarah ASAP. But Steve doesn’t listen, not at first, still blinded by his disgust that Bucky is working for the SoJ but also because he stubbornly believes America can win this fight, that things will get better. They don’t. After that, it’s a race to get past the border. Unbeknownst to the Rogers, Bucky tries to help,and while he’s not there to do it himself, he calls in for a few favours. The plan goes sideways when they’re intercepted by a group of Guardians. Steve gets separated from his wife and kid (who are taken elsewhere) during the chase, gets heavily injured, but manages to cross the border with the help of a few friendlies. Meanwhile, Darcy gets sent to the Red Centre for handmaid training, thinking Steve died and that Sarah is gone forever. (So basically what happened to Luke, June, and Hannah in the flashbacks.)

During the training, she reunites with Jane and Nat. When she gets assigned to the Waterfords, she’s surprised to see Bucky as their Guardian and driver. Their reunion is not sweet, Darcy can barely look at him and has to restrain herself from lashing out at him in the presence of the resident Martha and the Waterfords. Bucky’s equally stunned, all this time he thought Steve and his family made it to Canada. He feels heavy with guilt but puts that aside, understanding now what he’s meant to do, what he was supposed to do. He vows to protect Darcy, to find Sarah, and to get them both to safety, even if she hates him along the way.

(And it’s true. She can’t stand him. How detached he is from this fucking nightmare. How obedient he is to Mr. and Mrs. Waterford. How he guards himself and his secrets, she doesn’t even recognize anymore. But mostly, how tender and gentle he is around her when they’re alone, how apologetic he is, how he smiles at her and cracks jokes to cheer her up like Gilead never happened, like he never had a fucking hand in what transpired, the fact that Steve was right, they were very alike and it was still so easy to banter with him despite all these years, despite everything, but the thing she can’t stand the most is how much he really, really reminds her of Steve.)

But things aren’t as simple in Gilead, even when you’re an Eye. It gets more complicated with Mr. Waterford being sterile. Mrs. Waterford eventually takes things into her own hands and asks Bucky to impregnate Darcy. Unfortunately, he can’t say no. When it’s done, he stays away from the Commander’s home and avoids her, unable to talk to her, look at her. Steve’s girl. Sarah’s ma. What has he done? What did he get them into?

A few nights later, Bucky wakes up to Darcy knocking on his door. It’s the first they’ve seen each other since that night, like properly seen each other and it’s her 2nd time in his room. She doesn’t say anything as she steps in, just closes the door and starts undressing. He’s calculating the risks in his head, the punishment for a handmaid caught with a guardian, but he’s too distracted by what’s happening to stop this. He can’t stop looking at her. He can’t stop wanting her. And Bucky would admit, he’s always been captivated by her beauty and strength, always wondered how Steve could get a dame like her. Fuck, he really shouldn’t be thinking of Steve right now.

When she moves forward to press her lips against his, he stops thinking and allows him to only feel. In the dark of the night, they’re given a choice, one they both offer to each other, and they take it.

A few weeks later, Bucky escorts the Waterfords on their diplomatic trip to Canada. He meets Steve and they have a very, very long conversation.

Cue angsty romantic triangle, depictions of trauma and survival, coping with grief and loss, and finding happiness in a fucked up world! And an OT3 I normally wouldn’t ship

#Wintershieldshock #shieldshock #wintershock #darcy lewis #wanna clarify that i have no intentions on writing this bc i cant write lol #i just can't stop thinking about it and wanted to share #been a way for me to cope w my own trauma lol #can u imagine the fluffy pre-gilead shieldshock flashbacks #just an excuse to make steve and darcy domestic only to rip it away from them in the worst way possible #because i am a glutton for angst #also darcy would have really funny one liners as a handmaid #snarking aunt lydia constantly #im tryna figure out who would be janine #OK BUT MARIA HILL AS A MARTHA AMIRITE #SHE'D TOTALLY LEAD THE MARTHA RESISTANCE

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rainbowkosmos · 6 years

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Thoughts on Love Yourself: Tear

i’ve been listening to this album nonstop for over a week now, but I really want to organize some of my thoughts so Here We Go

(this is very long and i’m sorry)

Singularity:

This one has been out for a while and it was slow to grow on me, but now I really like it. it’s dark, sort of haunting, the kind of song that’s good for playing low at 3 am.

“감싸 보려하지만” especially sounds really good.

god this style of music suits taehyung so well. i also think this is definitely a song that is enhanced by it’s music video.

I just wanna talk for a sec about how Namjoon has had a hand in writing all three LY intros so far and how they’re all fuckin amazing

Fake Love:

I love the descending eerie “ding ding ding ding” in the background of this song. It just adds so much character.

whenever i sing this I try to sing “fake love” and then the fanchant “fake love” in the same verse lmao

“love you so bad, love you so bad, 널 위해 예쁜 거짓을 빚어내” is probably my favourite part of the song, it sound so good

also shoutout to namjoon who has two verses in this song and kills them both

jin sounds fantastic on the chorus. he really shines on this song- the way he sings “fake love” is just so pleasing to the ear.

the structure of this song is really weird. like, I don’t hate it, i actually kind of like it, but I wish they had pulled back for an instrumental break after “I just know why, it’s all fake love” and maybe built the song back up again with the “ding ding ding ding”s. it could have used the break in vocals imo.

The Truth Untold

I cried the first time I heard this song and it was 99% because of the rawness of these vocals.

god listen to jin on his first verse.

Jimin sounds beautiful on this song. jimin sounds beautiful always tbh but it’s especially noticeable here, and a lot of my favourite jimin moments from this album are on this track

“you know that I can’t show you me, give you me” i haven’t been fine since i first heard these lyrics

the connection between the first three songs (talk of masks, blooming flowers, hiding oneself) is pretty incredible tbh.

can you believe this is a steve aoki song? i can’t. well done to him for stepping outside the box.

“and i still want you” did????? i ask??????

134340

ngl this is probably my least favourite song on the album, but I can still appreciate it for it’s lyrical cleverness and the frankly amazing flute.

“Us is the plural form of U” i just. really fuckin love namjoon.

I will say, i really like the pre-chorus on this song, the “난 맴돌고만 있어“ bit. it sounds so... adventurous? idk when i first heard this song I was driving through really heavy fog at 3:30 in the morning and i honestly felt like i’d been transported back to the dawn of the dinosaurs and was about to run into a triceratops. anyway, moving on.

Paradise

Okay lyrically, this song is one of my favourites on the album, but instrumentally, it just can’t hold my attention. there’s nothing about it that grabs me except for the “Stop running for nothing, my friend” near the end. as it is, i really love the lyrics, and it has a message that i’m clinging to right now.

“We deserve a life, 뭐가 크건 작건 그냥 너는 너잖어” (whether big or small, you are just you) namjoon is like dr seuss for 20 year olds i love it

“꿈이 없어도 괜찮아” thank u bts this is a message i need rn

yoongi often raps like he’s pulled his verses straight out of my own thoughts and this one is no different. it’s kind of comforting, honestly.

why are he and hoseok turning into the same person though. like on this song and a few others, they trade verses seamlessly and it’s frankly kind of eerie.

this entire album is so cohesive though.

너를 이루는 모든 언어는 이미 낙원에 i kind of really love this line. it’s gorgeous. “every language that makes you is already in paradise”.

Love Maze

I feel like I haven’t explored this song lyrically enough, but I do like it. I especially like how defiant it sounds. Where it’s placed on the album feels very fitting.

“Love ain't a business, rather like a fitness” “Love is a maze damn, but you is amaze” goddamnit namjoon why do i love these lyrics so much

“baby, just don’t give a damn” seokjin.

tbh that’s all i have to say

that really warped sound that becomes prominent in yoongi’s verse is so cool and adds so much character and atmosphere to the song

also the reference to paradise after the last song was actually called paradise is a nice touch and again, makes this album feel like a story with a beginning, a middle and an end.

i’m really sorry. I know the actual lyrics in hoseok’s verse are “와 있고” but it 100% sounds like “white girl” and that’s all I ever hear when i listen to the song.

it’s interesting to me that some people say this song is romantic, whereas others say it’s about the relationship between bts and their fans. what i love about bts’s lyrics is they often leave a lot of things up for interpretation, and i don’t think they’d be bothered by either viewpoint.

Magic Shop

alright this is one of my favourite songs on the album and i have a Lot to say

i have the lyrics to this song saved on my phone so that i can go and look at them whenever i’m feeling down

also if a song is ‘atmospheric’ enough, i associate colours/images with them in my head, and magic shop is one of the most beautiful songs i’ve ever “seen”.

“So show me (I’ll show you)” is gonna be so fuckin powerful at concerts i can just tell

isn’t hoseok’s verse from his thank you in HYYH pt 1? ugh their minds

also hoseok sounds gorgeous here

the little “ey ey“s in yoongi’s verse please i love

and then there’s a reference to The Last here, but it’s written in a much gentler way and with a flip to it. god i love this song.

and then it goes back to hoseok rly quickly before the chorus again and have i mentioned how much i adore the way sope just fits together on this album

there’s something so calming about this song that just quiets my head for a few minutes

“you gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you” these are my favourite lyrics on the entire goddamn album, they’re just so impactful. a: a throwback to best of me, and b: a reminder to their fans that they should love themselves as much as they love bts (i’m trying, okay).

before we move on, I want to mention that Magic Shop marks a very obvious tonal shift in the album, the previous songs have all been sad, bitter, defiant, dark. there’s a consistent theme of hiding yourself behind a mask and worrying you won’t be loved (by others or yourself) if you take that mask off. in Magic Shop, the tone finally grows vulnerable, they talk of past fears, of using the “magic shop” to trade worries for happiness, and the rest of the album (until the outro) is going to be tonally more upbeat. this is not a coincidence.

Airplane Part 2

i’m not gonna lie, airplane was my least favourite song on hope world, but this? this is a fucking Jam.

the first time i heard this my mouth genuinely dropped open when jk started singing lmao

kings of singing latin pop in korean

okay jin and namjoon trading off lines is one of the most iconic parts of this entire album

EL MARIACHI

and then yoongi and jimin trading lines? also iconic. the rap and vocal lines worked so well on this album and it truly shows on songs like this.

this song ends on what feels like an unfinished note. like the structure here is weird too. is there a bridge?? i don’t feel like there is???

Anpanman

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH

i remember listening to this for the first time and just laughing through the whole thing bc i was so delighted

this is a song where taehyung sounds very much in his element, but in a different way from singularity

this just feels like classic bangtan to me and it makes me so happy

“keep ballin ballin, still bangtan” there is something about this line that makes me smile so much.

“눈 뜨니 hero but still in 미로” interesting. “still in a maze”- is this a reference to love maze or am i overthinking things.

also this song seems all light and fluffy on the outside until u remember that anpanman was a hero made of bread who gave parts of himself to others to make them happy and then the rapline all get a turn singing “i’m a new generation anpanman”.... i see. pls don’t do what the old generation anpanman did.

even though things have gotten tonally lighter there are still dark undertones here and that comes to a head later in the outro

i fucking love jk’s verse in this song, it might be my favourite of his on the entire album

i stan a band of Nerds

So What

this is a very surface song that i enjoy jamming to in my car, but have no thoughts on it beyond that haha

i laugh every time one of them uses “bae” in a song bc it just sounds... off

“고민보다 Go Go” god i love it when they reference their older songs

this may not have been as surface as i thought it was upon closer examination of the lyrics. idk what i was expecting tbh like, this is bts.

“hope world, let’s go” that’s fantastic

tbh this might be one of my favourite hoseok verses on the album

wait so namjoon’s not saying “i wanna die right now”? i just now figured that out.

the last minute and a half of this song simply did not need to be there

Outro: Tear

i saw someone say that the instrumental for this belongs in a movie score and i 100% agree

namjoon goes the fuck off in this song like holy shit it’s been a while

and then he repeats “you’re my tear” three times, which alone isn’t interesting but is made interesting by the fact that when rapline comes together later, this bit is changed

okay this is my favourite hoseok verse on the album

and then again with the seamless transition to yoongi! god i’m curious as to why they decided to structure their verses like that, as far as I can remember they haven’t done this before and i really like this stylistic choice because they compliment each other so well.

“we thought we dreamed the same dream, but that dream has finally become a dream“ goddamn

this song sounds so raw, like the truth untold sounded raw too, but I really liked that this album had a vocal and a rap line track to showcase how music can sound vulnerable in different ways.

OKAY here it is, one of my absolute favourite pieces of wordplay (that i can understand) on the album

namjoon says “you’re my tear,” just like he did earlier. yoongi follows that up with “you’re my tear” but he uses the other pronunciation, changing the meaning to “you’re my tear (as in, tearing something).” then hoseok comes in and rhymes “fear” with namjoon’s pronunciation of tear. these are god tier (lmao i can wordplay too) lyrics my friends.

god i love yoongi’s verse so much. first the autotune, then the layering of autotune and his lower register (which he’s used so much more on this album and i adore it) like he switches things up so well and he’s such a versatile rapper i’m literally constantly floored by him.

and then there’s another really nice transition from namjoon to yoongi. what i like about bts’s rapline is that hoseok and yoongi sound really good together, but their higher rapping styles compliment namjoon’s deeper voice so well.

i just need you all to know that the first time i listened to this song i was driving at four am and it’s a good thing i was alone bc when yoongi started singing on the bridge i literally shrieked ‘fUCK’ and clapped a hand over my mouth

hoseok was a fuckin brilliant way to finish this album off, he gives this last verse the emotion and speed it needs and i love it. they’re all good at rapping over instrumental pieces like this but there’s something about hoseok (he did it in boy meets evil too) that just drives home the emotion.

and breathe.

Standout Things:

The cohesive storyline within a larger storyline

Love Yourself: Tear is almost what I would call a concept album, which is classified as an album that is "unified by a theme, which can be instrumental, compositional, narrative, or lyrical.” (yes i got that from wikipedia, but the point stands because there’s definitely a concept here.) Love Yourself: Her also falls within the larger storyline of the Love Yourself era (the rise, fall and resolution of love) but I wouldn’t classify that as a concept album in the same way. Sure, a few of it’s songs dealt with the same sort of ideas, a love that was destined by fate, but a few others veered wildly off of that course. Love Yourself Tear remains steady on it’s concept of masks, pain, self love, giving too much to other people and how to be an idol and still love and be loved for your true self. There’s truly a story being told here and I love it.

The metaphors

Kpop love songs usually do nothing for me, but BTS has been getting a lot better at writing them lately, and what I really liked about the romantic songs on this album is that they were explored using metaphors and references to old stories. 134340 refers to both Pluto and Hades to make it’s point. Love Maze weaves a picture of a dark maze with no way out. The Truth Untold references the smeraldo flower. Even the non romantic songs tell a story in a roundabout way- Anpanman and Magic Shop are both for the fans, one is built around a superhero, the other a psychological technique used in therapy to change one’s way of thinking. The writing on this album has matured greatly and it really makes you think about what they’re saying.

Yoongi’s style experimentation

There were a couple times while listening to this album that I had to take a moment to go “wait, is that Yoongi?” I’m rather used to Yoongi rapping in a certain way. his style- occasionally cocky, occasionally bitter, usually high toned, fast and emotional- is pretty distinct, and for the most part, he ditched that on this album in favour of a style that’s more mellowed out and lower pitched. he experimented with autotune, sound effects and even singing and i think his experimentation paid off, because he was one of the most memorable parts about this album for me.

Namjoon’s writing

Namjoon is a phenomenal lyricist, we all know that, but every single verse of his on this album stood out to me in some way or another. he had a hand in writing/producing every single song on this album, and i could really see his influence all over it. I just love words and well written lines, and there are so many lines on this album, particularly in Namjoon’s verses that just make me stop for a moment so I can just appreciate the beauty.

Magic Shop’s themes

This. Song.

First of all, the concept of the “magic shop” is such a cool idea for a song, and the way they incorporated it is actually really clever? It’s literally a therapeutic song, because it is a real psychological technique and they’re saying ‘we’ll be your happiness, just come to the “magic shop” and trade in your worries, you’ll be okay’. but, it goes further than “we’ll fix you!!!” with the line “You gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you”. Here, they encourage their fans to find the “best of themselves”. Basically, saying “love yourself as much as you’ve loved me”. god this is so good.

I have to mention that this song just sounds magical. There’s a calming, celestial vibe to it that A: fits with the rest of the album up until that point and B: acts as a bridge between the rather sad first half of the album and the more upbeat second half.

Bangtan’s chemistry

A minor problem I had with a few of BTS’s older albums was the disconnect between members. (not in person, just in their music). They were all singing on the same tracks, but it didn’t always feel very cohesive. Wings especially (although it remains my favourite Bangtan album) felt like a bunch of separate artists got together and decided to make an album (an amazing album and that style really worked for them at the time, but i digress). On this album, BTS finally feels like a band. Sure, I praise both the rap and vocal line separately for the truth untold and outro tear, but I’ve never heard BTS sound so strong as a group. The rapping and the vocals felt seamless- there were so many times where they rapidly went back and forth between members, or shared lines, or harmonized beautifully. It rarely, if ever, felt like the vocal line ft: rapline, or the other way around. They blend the two so well these days, from Jungkook and Namjoon’s bit in Fake Love to Yoongi and Jimin during Airplane Part 2. I’m honestly delighted at how well this album works as a whole. Those eight years of living and working together have really paid off for them.

Overall: Love Yourself Tear is a beautiful piece of music that shows a more mature side of BTS. It’s flaws- lack of energy in the middle of the album, more autotune than their previous works, occasionally hard to follow song structure- are not even so much flaws as they are stylistic choices that I can respect. It is a phenomenal 2nd part of a 3 part act, and I eagerly await Love Yourself: Answer for the conclusion of this story, and to see where BTS will take their ever-evolving sound next.

Rating: 9/10.

#bts #bangtan #love yourself tear #rapline #min yoongi #kim namjoon #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook #park jimin #kim taehyung #kim seokjin #me? unable to shut up about bts? it's more likely than you think

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imaginativemarvel · 7 years

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Lost Sanity - Bucky Barnes x Reader ((ANGST))

Summary: In which (Y/N) has lost her memory and her first love, Bucky Barnes, watches her fall in love with his best friend, Steve Rogers.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader / Steve x Reader

Word count: 1.5K

Warning: SAD BUCKY! SAD BUCKY! I REPEAT, SAD BUCKY!

A/N: Requests are open and I absolutely am open to anything (as long as it isn't morally wrong)! I love speaking to you guys and receiving any type of feed back so please don't hesitate to send an ask or message (:

- UPLOADING TWICE TODAY BECAUSE I COULDN'T YESTERDAY -

Masterlist - part 2 (finale)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The constant beeping noise from the monitor above the unconscious girl continued to repeat, minute after minute, second after second.

He found his hands wrapping into hers, then wrapping into his hair, only to let out a loud groan of frustration. If it weren't for his foolishness, she wouldn't be in this position right now. The amazing memories they both shared together were all he could think about. He would be nothing without her.

It had been 5 days since the attack, 5 days of constant worries and non-stop tears. She was one of his best friends, the only human from the new world that he was able to connect with besides his childhood pal. And yet here she is, hanging on by a thread.

Stark had concluded, along with Banner, that she is in fact alive. That she would indeed wake up soon. So why did he fear on losing her? One reason was that it was specifically his fault that she was in this predicament, another being the state she is in. By that he meant how vulnerable, weak, fragile she looked. How just one touch could crumble her whole life.

She looked absolutely horrible, but yet still remained beautiful in his eyes. And as days went on, the more he fell in love with her. He was too busy focusing on the small details of her facial features when he noticed a movement in her cheekbone, as if for a split second it twitched. His body quickly straightened and inched closer, looking at the one place on her face that had moved moments earlier.

Her lips slowly parted, letting out a loud gasp for air. He slowly rose, grabbing her hand and staring at her with large eyes. "(Y/N)?" His breath was shaky, crackling, awaiting the respond of the maiden below him.

She coughed, and after a moment, she slowly opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows.

"Holy shit- ow, that hurts." Her arms straightened once again after pain was sent through her body, resting on her back once again.

A smile was shown across his face, looking at the conscious girl and staring at her features, this time while she was awake. She took a deep breath and attempted to pull her body up once again, sitting straight and staring at the blue eyed man before her.

"I'm so sorry for what happened out there, (Y/N). It was all my fault, I should have been more aware and-" Hints of confusion crossed her face as he explained to her his apologies, stopping him in his tracks. "Everything okay, (Y/N)?"

"Wha-" She whispered before observing the area around her. "What am I doing here?"

"You were hit head on by the enemy, it knocked you out completely. You've been in this bed for five days." He watched her as she squinted her eyes and tried to remember the moments before she was hit.

"Five days? What was I doing out there with you? Who was the enemy? And who-" Her eyes were different, cold, staring at Bucky, begging for answers.

"You have no idea who I am, do you?" He felt his whole body drop, as if every ounce inside him was lost in a black abyss.

"Am I suppose to?"

Her attention was soon brought to the door knob, it jiggled up and down before opening slowly.

"Hey Buck, I brought some food for you, you haven't ate all- Oh, you're awake? How are you feeling?" He handed a tray to Bucky before sitting in a chair on the other side of her bed.

"Confused, um, can you please tell me why I was on this mission in the first place? How did you find me? Why in the fuck did I agree?" Her legs crossed before her arms leaned on her thighs, grabbing the sides of her head, trying to remember anything.

"What do you mean? Fury directed it towards Stark, who then gave it to you two because you are the best duo we have in this building." The blonde super soldier laid his hand onto hers, pulling it down to look at her face. Her eyebrows were furrowed, looking at him in terror. She hadn't remembered a thing, or so that's what it looked like.

"She doesn't remember us, Steve." Bucky stood up before running his hands through his hair and pacing around the room. "(Y/N). What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was in New York, I was hiding out but something happened, it looked like aliens invaded. I was suppose to stay put, pretend I was a normal human being but I couldn't watch everyone getting hurt, dying, when I could save them. I risked my identity and joined in the war, trying to save as many people as I could. Then there was this man, he had some sort of staff. He pointed it towards me and.... well, that's all." The whole time she looked at Steve, not one moment was spent looking at Bucky.

Steve had something warm about him, something she was familiar with. It made her feel complete, loved and welcomed. So naturally, she gravitated towards him.

"So the last thing you remember was Loki's invasion. Roughly 11 months ago."

As time went on, (Y/N) learned what she had forgotten. She learned about what missions she had taken, who her teammates were and how she changed as a human during the time she had forgotten.

She learned how she was really close to Bucky, Steve and Clint. How she was always disagreeing with Sam, but in the end always laughed about it. How she always went to Wanda for advice and Tony for financial problems. Most importantly, she learned the past of her friends, listening deeply to the details once again as they explain to her what she once knew.

How Loki was presumably dead, and how it tore apart Thor but he never showed it. How Tony was having issues with Pepper, How Bucky will never get over his nightmares. She learned a lot, but there was one thing she had no idea about.

Right before she was hit in her latest mission, Bucky had ran to her. He held her in his arms and wept, expecting the worse of the outcome. He confessed his love to her, and in her last words she accepted his love and gave him hers. He was happy that she loved him, but sad she was gone. He though she had died, and the moment he realized she wasn't, his life gained meaning again.

He had never told her about that moment, and as much as he wanted to, he kept quiet about it. Only Bucky knew what happened before she was unconscious, and it was a secret for himself. He loved her, he truly did, but after days of pumping himself up to admit his love to her again, he noticed that the love she once gave to him belonged to another man. His best friend.

He'd wake up every morning and hear them both laughing with each other, making breakfast and inches apart. As much as he wanted to scream, he didn't. It was as if he set the opinions in his head where she loved him and died, or she loved someone else and lived. Easily, he would want her to be alive and happy, but he didn't really have a choice.

She was in love with Steve, and he couldn't do anything about it. She was in love with his best friend, and he was force to watch the love of his life grow old with someone else. Steve didn't know about Buckys former relationship with (Y/N), so he didn't see it as a boundary he crossed.

Steve expected Bucky to support him, be there for him, laugh and live with him, but he couldn't. Bucky allowed her to love him, he accepted it, but he could never be around it, for he would lose his mind more than he already has. He grew distant, cold and sad. Nobody knew why. They would never know. He wouldn't let his emotions ruin everything.

The nightmares he used to have soon changed to nightmares of him losing her, a memory that would never leave his mind. He'd wake up in sweats, crying over the feeling of never being loved by you. He'd walk past Steve's room at night to reach the kitchen and could hear the laughs and moans shared between the two, as if he could never escape it. He wanted her to be happy, but in the process he was torturing himself. What he had with her was a secret, what she has with Steve wasn't. It's nothing anyone could do, and if anything was done about it, it would have to be him who spoke up. He would never.

He spent nights laying in bed, crying, spent it in despair. He couldn't do anything. She was happy and that's all that mattered to him.

Her happiness was more important than his sanity,

And nobody knew.

If you want a part 2 of Bucky confessing and everything please comment bc I'm actually considering (I made a part 2, itll be linked above!) ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Tags: @ginger-wayward-assbutt @gallifreyansass @bellastellaluna @walkingtravesty97 @crazy4thewinbros @iamwarrenspeace @itbeganlongago @nadtandy @feelmyroarrrr @xabeautifultragedyx @g0back2bed @patzammit

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