#but I miss having someone who genuinely made an effort to understand me. who made that effort because they WANTED to understand me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lixiepixiedust · 4 months

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"You work just as hard as me"

pairing — idolbf!jeongin x fem!reader; established relationship

word count — 3.2k

warnings — she/her reader, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, lots of kissing and cuddling, mild cussing, insecurity themes, reader is depicted as being really smart

summary — jeongin has always been insecure about his academics. ever since he met you, he knew you were the smartest girl he's ever met. you also always made it feel like he learned more from you than from school itself and he admired you for it. he never really attended high school and barely ever had good grades. due to this, jeongin always told himself he was just stupid and never deserved someone like you.

As you anxiously logged into your student portal to check your midterm results, your heart raced. Jeongin, being the supportive boyfriend he is, sat beside you, his eyes filled with anticipation. You both knew how much effort you had put into your studies, and the results would finally unveil the fruits of your hard work.

As the grade appeared on the screen, your eyes widened with disbelief. You had not only passed but had excelled beyond your own expectations. A brilliant smile broke across your face as you turned to Jeongin, who was watching you with eager eyes.

"Jeongin, look!" you exclaimed, pointing at the screen. "I got a 96! Can you believe it?"

Jeongin's face lit up with genuine joy as he took in the fantastic news. "Wow, that's amazing, Y/n! I knew you could do it!" He enveloped you in a warm hug, radiating pride. "I'm so proud of you."

You couldn't contain your happiness. You leaned back, gazing into Jeongin's eyes. With a beaming smile, Jeongin cupped your face in his hands and planted a sweet kiss on your lips. The excited bubbled up within you, and without thinking, you jumped onto him in sheer joy.

Jeongin, caught by surprise, chuckled at your joy. He playfully tickled you, his fingers dancing along your sides as you giggled uncontrollably. The room echoed with the sound of your laughter. Jeongin's laughter mingling with yours made the celebration even more special. As the tickling subsided, you found yourselves catching your breath, still enveloped in each other's warmth.

"I'm so, so happy, Jeongin!" you exclaimed, your eyes shining with delight.

Jeongin grinned, his eyes reflecting the shared happiness. "Oh, Y/n, I can tell! I'm thrilled for you. I love seeing you this happy."

Suddenly, your phone rang, and you quickly grabbed it, excitement still coursing through your veins. It was your best friend, and as soon as you answered, both of you screamed into your phones simultaneously. Jeongin watched with amusement as you and your best friend shared your excitement.

"I got above 95!" your best friend exclaimed.

"Stop it right now, same. I knew you'd do good, I literally told you," you shouted back, a wide grin on your face.

Jeongin smiled fondly as you and your best friend screamed at each other over the phone.

After the call, you turned to Jeongin, still beaming. "Can you believe it, Jeongin? We both did so well!"

Jeongin's eyes softened with pride. "I never doubted you for a second."

"Oh yea and she wants to go get food together tonight. Wanna come? It's just gonna be a few friends."

Jeongin thought about it for a moment, his expression shifting between contemplating the invitation and the commitments he had. He had literally rushed over to your apartment from practice earlier to be in time to see the results with you.

"I'd love to, Y/N," he said with a warm smile. "But I might need to head back soon. Practice and all."

You nodded in understanding, "No worries, Jeongin. Thanks for being here with me though. You really didn't have to,"

Jeongin gently cupped your face, placing a tender kiss on your forehead. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Go enjoy dinner with your friends, and we'll celebrate properly after, just the two of us."

A grin played on your lips as you asked, "So, you're coming back after practice?"

Jeongin's eyes sparkled with affection, and he replied, "Of course. When you come home, I'll be waiting right here for you."

You couldn't help but break into a wide smile, and you wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. "I can't wait, Jeongin."

As you pulled away, Jeongin's phone buzzed with messages from his fellow members. He chuckled as he read the texts, realizing that he had overstayed his initially planned break.

"Looks like they want me back," Jeongin said, showing you the messages. "I told them I'd be away for only half an hour, but turns out I went over time."

You playfully shooed him away, "Go, go! They need you. We'll have plenty of time together later."

Jeongin grinned, giving you one last kiss before standing up from the couch. "I'll see you soon, Y/N. Save some of that happiness for me."

As he made his way towards the door, he slipped on his shoes. Opening the door, Jeongin turned to look at you, his eyes filled with fondness.

In a soft tone he said a little "Bye," with a smile. With that, he stepped out into the hallway, closing the door gently behind him.

Once Jeongin was out of your view, the smile that had adorned his face began to fade, replaced by a subtle expression of sadness. He had known all along that you were going to get a good grade, it didn't surprise him one bit.

His mind wandered to the times you rambled about your college experiences—the late nights filled with assignments, the tiring study sessions, and the challenges of balancing academics and life. Those were moments when he wished he could have experienced the college life, as difficult as you made it sound.

Yet, deep down, Jeongin knew that he willingly chose the path of an idol. The wide stage, the love of fans, and the thrill of performing were what he aspired to. It was a choice he made with full awareness, and yet, he sometimes longed for a different path.

What has always troubled him the most, however, was his insecurity about his academics. Ever since he met you, he could tell instantly how bright and insightful you were. When you'd explain concepts, like the intricacies of human behavior or the subtleties of psychology, he admired you. You had a way of teaching him that made it feel like he learned more from you than from school.

Jeongin always believed you were smarter than him, and that thought weighed on him heavily. He didn't really attend high school and barely ever had good grades. Due to this, Jeongin always told himself he was just stupid. But the truth was, he had been a trainee since he was only 13 so it wouldn't have been easy to leave room for school.

In his mind, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was lacking compared to you. Your achievements made him question his own worth. The occasional longing for the academic experiences he missed out on only fueled his insecurities.

However, he never dared to share any of these feelings with you. Jeongin kept this internal struggle hidden, not wanting you to bear the weight or feel like you're the reason he's insecure. He valued your successes and happiness and didn't want them tainted by his own self-doubt. Instead, he chose to navigate these emotions privately, wanting to be the supportive boyfriend you deserved.

Jeongin arrived at the JYP building, the familiar surroundings enveloping him as he scanned his keycard to gain access. The glass doors slid open, and he made his way through the lobby, swiftly heading for the elevators.

As the elevator ascended, Jeongin's thoughts lingered. The elevator doors opened on the designated floor, and Jeongin walked down the corridor, passing by various studios and offices. Finally, he reached the door of the dance studio where he was practicing initially. He could feel the bass of the music from outside.

Jeongin opened the door and as he stepped inside, he found the members taking a break, scattered around the room, catching their breaths.

Lee Know, catching sight of Jeongin, approached him with a stern expression. "Jeongin, please don't stay out too long next time. You know it's bad habit," he said, a hint of frustration in his voice.

Jeongin, feeling a pang of guilt, quickly apologized, "I'm sorry, hyung."

Lee Know's stern expression softened, and he patted Jeongin on the shoulder, saying, "You're fine. Just try to be on time, okay?"

As the conversation shifted, Minho asked, "How did it go?"

"She did good, as always."

However, despite his words, Lee Know noticed Jeongin expression. "Aren't you happy for her?"

Jeongin immediately forced a smile. "No, I am. I guess I kinda zoned out."

Lee Know's expression remained uncertain, but he decided not to press further. "Alright, if you say so. Just remember, we're here for you if you need anything."

Jeongin nodded gratefully, appreciating Lee Know's understanding. He reached for his hoodie, pulling it off and revealing his practice attire underneath.

"Okay, we should wrap up. It's been like five hours, that's enough." Chan declared.

Jeongin, too caught up in dancing for the past few hours, checked the time and was surprised to see it was already 10 PM. His eyes widened.

He quickly grabbed his belongings and bid a quick farewell to the members. "See you guys tomorrow," he said with a tired smile.

Exiting the building, Jeongin was met with a sudden realization as he saw that it was pouring rain outside. He hadn't anticipated the weather, and the absence of an umbrella made the situation less than ideal. However, with your apartment only a few blocks away, he figured it could be worse.

Pulling his hood over his head, Jeongin braced himself for the rain and started to briskly walk along the sidewalk. The sound of raindrops hitting the pavement filled his ears, and with every step, he could feel himself getting more and more soaked.

The once dry sidewalk turned into a glistening path as the rain danced around him. Jeongin's clothes clung to his body, and his hair became a mess of damp strands.

Upon reaching your apartment building, he tried his best to dry himself off but he made his way inside. He quickly climbed the stairs, his wet footsteps echoing in the quiet hallway. Unlocking the door with the spare keys you had given him, he stepped inside the familiar space.

In the entrance, Jeongin wasted no time. He removed his wet shoes, placing them on a rack to dry. His clothes clung uncomfortably, and he surveyed the living room, noticing the warm glow of lights.

As he made his way into the living room, he saw you. There you were, perhaps caught up in a book or lost in thought, unaware of his drenched arrival. He wanted to get home earlier than you and he cursed to himself knowing you beat him to it.

"Hey," he greeted.

Still absorbed in your book, you didn't look up immediately. "I assumed you weren't gonna show up after all. With the rain and everything."

Jeongin felt a pang of guilt. "Sorry, we got too caught up, and time flew," he explained.

"No, no, it's okay," you responded with a smile. Then, finally looking up, you noticed Jeongin. "Oh my god, you're soaking wet!"

A sheepish grin spread across Jeongin's face as he nodded. "Yeah, the rain got me good. Surprise, I guess?"

You couldn't help but chuckle at his unexpected entrance. "Surprise indeed! Let's get you out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold." The concern in your voice was evident as you motioned for him to follow you, warmth in your eyes. "Go to the bathroom, Jeongin. Change out of those and take a warm shower. I'll get some dry clothes out for you."

Jeongin nodded appreciatively. "Thanks, Y/N."

As he went into the bathroom, you headed to your wardrobe to retrieve some clothes for him. It wasn't unusual for Jeongin to stay over, so he had accumulated a fair share of his clothes at your place. You selected a comfortable set and laid them out on the bed, making sure everything was ready for him.

While Jeongin was in the shower, you went to the kitchen, deciding to prepare some tea to help him feel warmer. The comforting aroma of the tea filled the air as you carefully brewed it. Once ready, you carried the mug upstairs, hearing the shower turn off as you reached the top.

Setting the tea down on the nightstand, you took a seat on the bed. Moments later, Jeongin emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. His wet hair clung to his forehead, and droplets of water glistened on his skin.

You motioned for him to sit down beside you on the bed. Reaching for a bottle of moisturizer, you squeezed some onto your hands and gently started rubbing it onto his face. The subtle scent filled the room as you continued, your touch a soothing gesture.

Jeongin closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax under your care. As you worked on his shoulders, you couldn't help but smile at his tranquility.

"Thank you for taking care of me," Jeongin said with a sincere smile on his face.

Setting the moisturizer aside, you picked up the mug of warm tea and handed it to Jeongin. He took a sip, the comforting warmth spreading through him as he enjoyed the soothing effects of both the tea and your touch.

You then handed him the pile of dry clothes and Jeongin nodded appreciatively, proceeding to change. As he did, you subtly looked away, giving him the privacy he needed.

When he was done, Jeongin sat back down next to you. "I'm 100% sure I won't get a cold now," he declared with a satisfied grin.

"I hope so," you replied, returning his smile. Then, with a playful twinkle in your eye, you added, "Also, did you know that the rain itself can't actually make you sick? But if you stay wet and cold for a long time, it can lower your body temperature and weaken your immune system, making you more likely to catch a cold or flu."

"Way to go, Smarty," he responded with a teasing smile.

Your laughter filled the room as you playfully pulled him down, laying next to you. Leaning on him, you enjoyed the closeness, reveling in the comfort of the moment. Jeongin, not one to miss an opportunity, gently brought your chin up, and with a tender kiss, your lips met.

The initial softness of the kiss soon deepened into a passionate moment. Jeongin loved the sensation of being close to you, and the intimate connection sparked a desire for more. As the kiss continued, he gently teased, parting your lips. With a bold move, he inserted his tongue.

His hands, fuelled by a growing intensity, moved to your waist, feeling the warmth of your skin beneath his fingertips. In response, you reached under his shirt, your fingers tracing the contours of the milky skin on his chest and abs.

The moment, charged with desire, took an unexpected turn as Jeongin pulled away. His eyes, reflecting a mixture of emotions, met yours. "Y/N, you're so, so beautiful," he began, his voice filled with sincerity. "You're smart, you're caring—you're literally perfect. I'll never deserve you."

You looked back at him, a soft smile playing on your lips. "Jeongin, you're all those things too," you reassured him. "Smart, caring, and incredibly beautiful. What do you mean you don't deserve me? I feel like most people would think it's the other way around."

Jeongin's frustration and insecurities tugged at him, and he began to ramble, his words stumbling over each other. "It's just... I see you, and I see everything you are, and it's like you're this amazing person, and I'm just me. You're achieving so much more than I ever will. And I'm sorry that I can't measure up to what you deserve. That I'll never be enough for someone as perfect as you."

"Jeongin," you interrupted gently, reaching out to hold his hands. "I'm not perfect, so stop thinking that. And you've achieved so much. You're well known worldwide, you get to travel to these wonderful places. Sometimes, I wish I could do that too."

"But," he interjected, his frustration evident, "I feel bad when I can't help you with studying like your other friends do. I went into high school late, never even attended it much even after and you literally skipped a whole grade. I feel so stupid compared to you."

You squeezed his hands gently, "You do help me study, Jeongin. Just having you next to me while I'm studying helps me. That's why I always drag you to the library with me because you're my support. Your presence is more than enough."

Jeongin smiled slightly at the comment, his frustration easing a bit.

"And you know," you continued, "I learn a lot from you too. About different cultures from the countries you've visited, how you manage to sing trot, how to act, how to dance, how to get your perfect skin, and most importantly, how to tolerate seven guys who are constantly trying to baby us. You bring so much into my life, Jeongin. It's not about who's better or smarter. It's about how we make each other happy."

Jeongin looked at you, a hint of doubt still lingering. "But what about what other people think? Everyone will think you're so impressive, and I'm just a guy who wasn't smart enough to do anything else but music."

"Don't beat yourself up about what others think," you asserted. "Plus, nowadays, who cares about how well people do in college? They all know idols work their asses off to be what they are. Everyone admires you, Jeongin."

"But, Y/N," Jeongin began, "you work just as hard as me."

"And that's exactly my point," you replied, a warm smile on your face. "We both work hard in our own ways, and that's what matters. It's about the effort we put in, not some standard of success. You're amazing just the way you are, Jeongin."

Feeling the sincerity in your words, Jeongin buried his face in your neck, his arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace. "I love you so much, Y/N," he mumbled against your skin.

Smiling, you ran your fingers through his hair. "I love you too, Jeongin," you replied, causing him to hum contently against your skin. The two of you stayed in that comforting embrace for a while, the world outside seemingly fading away. However, a practical thought crossed your mind. "Wait, let me put your wet clothes in the washer," you suggested.

Jeongin, with his eyes closed, murmured, "Baby, no, stay. I was about to fall asleep."

You couldn't help but chuckle at his half-asleep endearment. "What did you just call me?" you teased. A soft, content smile graced Jeongin's face as he kept his eyes closed. "Okay, Innie, I'm staying," you replied, using the playful nickname his members often used.

In response, Jeongin shifted, scooting up to become the big spoon. His arms wrapped around you, squeezing you gently as if you were his favorite teddy bear. A chuckle escaped your lips as your legs tangled together, finding a comfortable position. He rested his head on yours, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest creating a soothing lullaby.

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cinnamostar · 5 months

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01: self-fulfilling prophecy

part two.

pairing : jisung x gn!reader

summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.

wc : 8.5k

cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, alcohol/drinking, sadness, angst, arguing, cursing, some cute stuff. plz let me know if i missed anything.

a/n : likes, reblogs, and feedback is much appreciated!! not too confident on this one because idk, i feel like the dialogue isn’t well executed, but let me know what you think. please enjoy!

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Jisung didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to romance. He never did anything exceedingly horrendous, he always remained faithful in each relationship he had, but they never lasted long. He simply didn’t know how to be a good partner, always too focused on his own needs to the point that his selfishness turned into emotional neglect for the other.

It’s not that he didn’t like the people he dated. He genuinely adored them for who they were, yet he always found himself heartbroken and confused at the end of each relationship when they would all voice the same exact reasonings on why they were ending it.

“I just don’t feel like you care about my feelings.”

“It feels like you don’t even like me enough to put in the effort to make this work.”

“I don’t feel like a priority in your life.”

“I swear you forget we’re even in a relationship.”

“You’re too focused on yourself and everything else to even make time for me.”

Like clockwork, a few months would pass by and his partner would sit him down for the break up talk. It was exhausting. He was clueless, not having any idea what he was doing so wrong even though he would always receive a list of reasons each time. In his eyes, he was doing the best he could, but perhaps his best was not enough.

Of course he cared for their feelings! Of course he liked them, he could’ve sworn he was doing his damnedest. Not a priority? That was ridiculous, he always made time to spend with his partner during the week despite his busy schedule. Forget? Nonsense! Too focused on himself? Well, of course he was focused on pursuing his music career which required long hours at the studio, why would he want to be with someone who didn’t support his endeavors? They knew what they were getting into when they met him!

It made zero sense to Jisung. At some point, he had given up on love altogether. Maybe he just wasn’t meant for it, maybe relationships were just not his thing. Clearly, he was doing something wrong and he decided that maybe hook up culture was just where he belonged.

What Jisung failed to realize was that he was forcing his own ideals of a relationship onto his partners. The idea that people had different needs and perceptions on how relationships should function never dawned on him. He never thought to consider what the other person wanted and had simply assumed they would be content with whatever he had to offer.

He forgot that some people needed more reassurance. He forgot some people wanted to go on actual dates, not everyone considered a night in a date, especially if every date was a night in. He forgot that some people didn’t just want to sit in a room with him while he was on his phone or working on his next project. Sometimes people wanted his undivided attention. Sometimes people wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him. Sometimes people needed more communication because quite frankly, three texts a day didn’t quite cut it for most people.

Yet, Jisung was too absorbed in his own world and his passions to even begin to understand that concept. He absolutely refused to believe he was doing something wrong and that he was just dating the wrong people this whole time. He just hadn’t found the one, right?

Despite that foolish belief he stubbornly held onto, it didn’t mean each instance didn’t take a hit on his ego. After the many failed relationships he had been through, the fear of inadequacy and insecurity began to creep into his mind. Was he not worthy of love? Was he incapable of forming a healthy relationship? Was something wrong with him?

He felt that he had so much love to offer in his heart, but he had no idea what it took to be a good partner. He was too tunnel visioned on producing and music to realize that sometimes, love and relationships required a bit of sacrifice, and that was something he refused to do.

Yet, Jisung wanted to fall in love. Like any other human on earth, he craved to love and be loved, to be understood wordlessly by someone else, but it seemed like love didn’t welcome him with open arms. He desperately wanted to feel like he was needed and wanted, to feel the bubbling shyness and giddiness that only love could give him, but somehow, it seemed that he was the victim of a paradox. Love hated him.

However, Jisung had resigned and accepted defeat. He wasn’t cut out for it. Besides, it’s not like anyone would even bother to give him a chance anymore. After a few failed relationships, people were quick to label him as ‘trash’ and a terrible boyfriend, only good for fun, but definitely nothing more. It was almost as if he had a permanent warning label above his head that scared off anyone who had any remote interest in him.

People talked. And if anyone so much expressed any interest in him, someone would leap in to rescue them from a foreseeable heartbreak, telling them he was no good and a waste of time. Oh, but if you wanted a few nights of fun and to just fool around, he was perfect for that, but never, and absolutely under no circumstances, was he someone to settle down with.

He was the only one to blame for his infamy in the dating scene, but Jisung was suffering from a case of extreme delusion and oblivion. Maybe one day he would lose that self-centered immaturity and have a much needed epiphany, but that day seemed far off in the future.

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For the past week, Jisung had holed himself in his studio, insistent on perfecting his latest track by some arbitrary deadline he had set for himself. This was a regular occurrence that his friends had gotten used to. They would be more surprised if this didn’t happen, but this also meant that they had to pay a visit to his studio every few days and force him to take a break for the sake of his mental and physical health.

Today was one of those days in which Minho came knocking at his door after unlocking the door with the passcode Jisung had given him long ago, reminding him to come by his place later that night for a small party to celebrate his dance troop’s recent competition win. While Jisung was proud of this achievement, part of him felt a tad bit annoyed that he had to interrupt his work schedule for someone else, but Minho was one of his best friends, he at the very least should show up for a bit. He could stay for an hour or two, and hopefully by then everyone would be a little too drunk to notice he had escaped back to his studio.

Jisung sighed as he begrudgingly made his way to Minho’s apartment, dreading the amount of people he would have to socialize with tonight. He was relieved to know that a few familiar faces would be there, such as Hyunjin and Felix, who were also part of the troop, but the team had also gone through auditions recently, meaning there would be people he would have to meet for the first time.

He wasn’t one for befriending strangers, as oftentimes, many of them had a negative impression of him due to his dating history. He hated how every time he introduced himself, as soon as the words “Han Jisung” left his mouth, people’s faces would drop into an unreadable expression, almost as if they were disappointed to finally meet the man who was rumored to be complete and utter trash. It was anxiety-inducing and turned him off from seeking out new friendships because everyone would always say “Oh! Did you used to date my friend?” And at that moment, he knew it was over. They hated him before they even got to know him. As a result, Jisung always felt apprehensive when it came to meeting new people and he much preferred sticking with his small circle of friends.

As Jisung arrived at the front steps of Minho’s apartment, he felt his shoulders tense up with trepidation as he subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek. The party had already started with the music blaring throughout the building, the lights dimmed with colorful LEDs visible from the window. A chorus of joyful cheers followed by the clinking of shot glasses and laughter could be heard from outside, signaling that the party was already in full swing. Jisung let out an uneasy groan, unprepared for what the night would bring, but reassured himself knowing that he only needed to stay for at least an hour before he could retreat back to the safe haven known as his studio.

After a sharp inhale, Jisung put on a fake smile as he opened the door, instantly greeted by a drunken Changbin who was double fisting two beers, wearing a toothy smile.

“Jisung! You made it!”

The last thing Jisung wanted tonight was to be put in the spotlight, which Changbin just unknowingly thrust him into with no warning. Others nearby turned their attention to the front door, some choosing to ignore Jisung’s presence to continue their conversations while others politely waved or called out a quick hello.

Minho shortly appeared in Jisung’s vision, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “Glad you showed up, I was worried you forgot!” An airy chuckle escaped Minho as Jisung gasped, feigning a look of betrayal while playfully shoving Minho’s shoulder, “How dare you think I’d forget my best friend’s party? I would never!”

Minho rolled his eyes at Jisung’s gesture before dragging him by his wrist. “Whatever you say, but c’mon! I want you to meet our new members. Plus, you look a little too stiff for my liking,so let's get some drinks in ya first.”

Suddenly, shot glasses filled with tequila were shoved into Jisung’s hand as people egged him on to down them, chasing the two shots with lime and salt to cut through the harshness of the alcohol. A familiar buzz took over his senses, his head feeling lighter than usual as a lopsided smile appeared on his face while the nervousness he felt earlier quickly dissipated.

The bit of liquid courage energized Jisung enough to forget all the now seemingly silly concerns he had earlier as he jumped through the bunches of people, excitedly yapping away as he caught up with friends and introduced himself to new people. Each time he noticed someone cringing at the sound of his name or giving him a dirty look, he would promptly take another shot to rid himself of the anxiety he was feeling, hoping the alcohol would make him just unaware enough of any other glares he would receive from people that night.

Eventually, Jisung made his way to the loft upstairs to take a break from the hectic party below, already feeling a headache coming on. He stumbled his way to the couch, not paying much mind to his surroundings as he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately throwing his head back while shutting his eyes.

“Oh, he definitely overdid it again,” laughed Felix from the left of him, “How many shots did you take?”

Jisung waved his hand as if he was shooing Felix away while mumbling, “Don’t even ask.”

He heard an unfamiliar giggle erupt from the right side of him, causing him to sit straight up with his eyes wide, hastily snapping his head to see who the laugh belonged to, not expecting anyone other than his friends here.

He found himself staring into your eyes that were crinkled from laughing, a lax smile adorning your face as you brought up a hand to hide behind. Your laugh was rich and decadent, almost as sweet as chocolate, and your smile was so refreshing that it instantly roused him from his drunken state the moment his eyes landed on you.

Oh, shit, they’re cute.

Jisung’s inebriated state had caused him to lose all self-awareness because all he could do was gawk at you with enamored eyes, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to find the words to introduce himself. He felt his face flush from embarrassment when you returned his gaze while wearing an expectant expression, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“I- Oh, uhm, I…”

You had instantly captured his heart with the most saccharine smile he has ever seen and within a few seconds, Jisung was undeniably smitten, but he was also completely making a fool of himself within those same few seconds.

“Jesus christ, Jisung, how drunk are you?” howled Hyunjin, who had gotten up to lightly poke Jisung’s cheek, “Helloooo, earth to Jisung? Anyone home?”

“Dude… Close your mouth before you start drooling over there. I don’t think that’s an image you want Y/N to have during your first meeting,” Seungmin, who was sitting on the floor, mischievously sneered, quickly recognizing Jisung’s speechless state was caused by something more than just alcohol. Jisung shook his head side to side to wake himself from his lovestruck daze, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up Seungmin’s comment.

“Mm, sorry! I just-,”

Oh, this is bad, he really is making this so much worse for himself. He was now regretting all the shots from earlier as he tripped over his words, his nerves not being of any help. He desperately was trying to say something sensible, but instead, all he could blurt out was,

“Jisung! I’m Jisung… yeah!”

Now it is a lot worse as Jisung cringed at how loud and annoying his voice was, everyone else also seemingly cowering from second hand embarrassment as they watched the scene unfold, but no one was able to peel their eyes away.

Like an angel sent from heaven, Felix decided to have mercy on the brown haired boy, peeking out from behind Jisung to meet your eyes at the other side of the couch. “Y/N, this is our friend Jisung! He makes music with Changbin and Chan. Jisung, this is Y/N. They’re one of our newest members on the team.” God, Jisung could kiss Felix right now from how relieved he was to have alleviated the awkward tension he had just created moments earlier.

You nodded, smiling at Jisung as your eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, Jisung? I’ve heard about you before.”

Ah, there it is. Of course! Of course you have and how stupid of him to think he’d be able to have an untarnished first impression with you and-

“Minho says so many good things about you! He even showed me some of your songs. You’re really talented at what you do, I definitely added a few to my playlist.”

Someone pinch Jisung right now because he must be dreaming, there’s absolutely no way. Is luck finally on his side? Has God finally decided to be oh-so-merciful today? He was on cloud nine as he relished in your compliments, savoring this moment because this may never happen again.

Jisung clicked his teeth as he waved both his hands in front of him with a flustered smile, “Oh, no, no, no, I am not that good! But thank you!” The alcohol was really doing a number on him as he slurred over each syllable, but thankfully he was coherent enough for everyone to understand what he said.

You let out a breathy laugh at his antics while standing from your seat, “Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name, but I do have to go now, I have to be up early.”

Jisung deflated as everyone wished you good night, feeling disappointed how quickly your first meeting with him ended. Hyunjin stood up, offering to walk you out and once you were out of earshot, Jisung whipped his head to Felix.

“Felix… Who was that? How long have you been hiding them from me?”

Seungmin struggled to contain his laugh, earning a confused look from Jisung, “What are you laughing at?”

“Dude, you. You looked so stupid trying to talk to them.”

Jisung threw himself back into the couch, sinking into the cushions with an embarrassed groan, “Shut up, I know.”

Felix laughed, shooting Jisung a pitiful smile, “You’ve done worse, it’s fine. And no one was hiding them from you, you just never show up when we invite you anywhere. That is your own fault, not ours!” Jisung pouted, cursing himself mentally for rejecting all those plans.

“They’re cool, they’ve been on our team for a few months. Crazy good at dancing too, we are super lucky to have them.”

“Are they dating anyone?”

The room grew quiet at Jisung’s question as Seungmin and Felix looked at each other with uneasiness, unsure how to respond. Hyunjin had come back up the stairs after walking you to your car, just in time to hear Jisung. He let out a heavy sigh, alerting everyone of his presence.

“I… I think it's best if you just leave them alone, Jisung. They’re a really sweet person and you, well…”

“Me what? What do you mean?” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Hyunjin as the taller boy struggled to finish his thought.

“Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Seriously, Jisung? I know you’re wasted right now, but don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

And he did, he knew that Hyunjin was referring to his dating history, but Jisung felt himself growing angry hearing his friend allude to him being a bad partner, suggesting he would hurt you.

“No, I want to hear you say it,” Jisung spat out, a scowl painted all over his face as he stared down Hyunjin with his arms crossed, who was still standing by the stairs. He felt himself become warm in frustration as all the insecurities he held close to his heart started to bubble up. Did his own friend’s think so poorly of him too?

Felix reached out to put a reassuring hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping to defuse the situation, “Let’s not do this right now. You’re still drunk, Jisung.” Jisung shook Felix’s hand off his shoulders, standing up while still glaring at Hyunjin with clenched fists.

“Say it.”

“Jisung-” warned Felix, but he was cut off by Seungmin.

“You’re a shit boyfriend, Jisung. We don’t need you hurting someone we’re friends with again.”

The room was silent as everyone now stared at Seungmin with wide eyes, startled at how blunt he was being. Jisung didn’t know what he was feeling as a flash of rage took over his body, but at the same time, he felt his heart drop hearing those words come out of his own friend’s mouth. It was now Hyunjin’s turn to butt in,

“Seungmin, stop-”

“No, he needs to hear it straight up. He fucking sucks and you all know I’m right. I’m tired of him acting like he isn’t the problem. Leave Y/N alone. They’re better off without you.”

Jisung felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he took in every one of Seungmin’s words, each casting daggers into his heart. His worst nightmares were coming true as he realized that it wasn’t just strangers and ex-lovers who viewed in such a negative light, but the people he trusted so much, his own friends, also thought the same of him. The fury laced in Seungmin’s voice cut Jisung deep as every syllable pushed him over the edge til Jisungfound himself falling into a pit of sadness and hurt, his stomach flipping onto itself on his way down.

Was he really that bad? Wait, no! How dare Seungmin say such a thing to him? What does Seungmin even know about Jisung’s past relationship? He was stepping out of line! The sadness instantly subsided, soon being replaced with a familiar feeling of denial and anger as Jisung stomped towards Seungmin, crouching down to meet him on the floor. Jisung sloppily grabbed Seungmin by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.

“What the fuck did you just say? Take it back right fucking now,” growled Jisung, venom dropping down from each word.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, pushing the drunken boy off him who stumbled backwards, “See, this right here is your problem. You can’t even begin to accept that you’re in the wrong.” Seungmin stood up, now looking down at Jisung who still hadn’t regained his balance. He took in an exasperated inhale, a subdued smile replacing the vexed look he just had as he softened his tone, “Look, Jisung. I love and care for you, but I cannot turn a blind eye and let you hurt someone else. I mean it. Leave them alone.” With that, Seungmin made his way to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from Jisung at that moment before he said something he’d later regret.

Jisung remained seated on the floor as he was processing the words and emotions that were rushing in all at once, his drunken brain unsure how to handle all the information he was just fed. He laid his head into his hands as his brain echoed Seungmin’s words again and again.

Jisung felt his breath get caught in his throat as he hiccuped a quiet sob, his body starting to tremble as the tears he was holding back for so long finally fell. His body collapsed onto itself as his heart stuttered in his chest, his lungs burning from the lack of air as he continued to inconsolably weep, struggling to breathe between his cries.

Maybe he is as bad as everyone said he was.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

A few weeks had gone by since Jisung and Seungmin’s argument at the party, but the tension between the two boys didn’t last long as Seungmin showed up to Jisung’s apartment the very next day with a bowl of soup for his hangover and an apology, which Jisung graciously accepted, neither wanting to be upset at each other any longer.

Despite that, the words Seungmin had said never left Jisung, leaving a permanent scar on his brain as he constantly recalled the moment. The words painfully rang through his ears as a ball of shame and misery formed in his stomach while he reminisced about his past relationships, trying to figure out what he did so wrong.

Jisung felt horrible as he carried this weight of guilt on his shoulders as he wondered how his actions had hurt others and how he had remained oblivious for so long. All the insecurities and fears he had about himself were true at the end. Everyone around him was in agreement that he was the issue and he was the one behaving so selfishly in every relationship. He could understand that and he knew if his friend’s felt that way, it had to be the truth, but he was still struggling to identify what exactly about him and his behavior was so bad.

Sure, he could reach out and ask his friends to help see what he was missing, but he was too afraid to face the reality of the situation, not ready to take another brutal beating of words. He was terrified to hear the truth, but he knew the same conclusion he came to long ago remained true. Love was just not for him, it didn’t want him the same way he did.

Everyone had taken note of Jisung’s downtrodden mood and thought he had just needed a few days to collect himself, but once everyone realized more time had passed and that he didn’t even have the will to attend a recording session with Chan and Changbin, everyone went into crisis mode. So, over the last few weeks, someone would show up to Jisung’s house to check in on him and either spend a few hours with him at home, or forcefully drag him out the house to spend time with the group, insisting it would help him feel better.

Each time someone had forced him out, he would be huffing and sulking like a grumpy toddler throwing a tantrum, but as soon as he got there, he would be as cheery as ever and would end the day feeling a lot better. He hated how right his friends were, but he was always thankful for every time they dragged him out despite his whiny and bratty attitude.

However, there was another mental battle Jisung was fighting that everyone was unaware of, or so he thought, and he was definitely not coming out of it as a winner. Unfortunately for Jisung, since the time you joined Minho’s dance team, you had hit it off so well with the rest of the group that you were there almost every time Jisung joined you guys on an outing. And each day he spent with you, he found himself falling more and more for you.

He was really trying to stop himself, as he took Seungmin’s words to heart and imagined that sentiment was shared with everyone else, but this task was becoming an impossible one for Jisung to tackle!

It was weird. Every time he’d get invited out, Jisung would dread seeing you because he knew he was doomed to a hopeless, unrequited love with you, but if you weren’t there, he would be so disappointed and would find himself wanting to go home sooner. He wanted to stay as far away from you as possible, but something about you drew him in and he couldn’t resist and now here he is, finding himself in a friendship with you that he could not escape.

It’s not that he didn't want to be friends with you, if anything he loved the friendship you two had grown in such a short time and how quickly he became fond of you. You were incredibly sweet to Jisung, constantly showing your consideration for him everyday in new ways. If he ever felt anxious or out of place, you were the first to take notice and offer to get him out of whatever stuffy social situation he was in and stay with him til he was ready to join the others again. If he had decided to stay in that day, you’d send him a message letting know he was missed and hoped to see him the next time. There was even a time where he was too sick to leave the house, and much to his surprise, he found you and Minho at his front door steps with food and medicine.

Somehow, unlike everyone else before you, you had shown him a special kind of unwavering kindness and didn’t judge him for his past. For the first time in years, he finally felt safe and unconditionally loved in a friendship that wasn’t one of the boys. That was enough for Jisung to know that you were someone he wanted to keep in his life for as long as possible, even if it meant he had to confront eventual heartbreak and only stay by your side as nothing more than a friend.

But, that was okay. That was more than enough for him because as long as you were there, he would give you his all and support you endlessly. He would do anything to see you smile, anything to ensure your happiness, and if that meant he couldn’t be your lover, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Besides, no one has ever been happy with him in a relationship. This was how it had to be, this is how he could protect you from himself.

Regardless of how Jisung felt towards you, he had seriously doubted you had any interest in him in the first place. How could someone as angelic as you want to be with, well, trash? There was no way you hadn’t heard about his disastrous dating history, and if you were as smart as he thought you were, that alone would turn you off from him. Not only that, he was pretty sure you had heard about the fight he had with Seungmin and if that fight said anything about him, it showed that he was a mess of insecurities and arrogance. Why on Earth would you ever like someone like that? And if you heard about the fight, he was positive that Seungmin and everyone else had warned you about him and dissuaded you from even considering anything romantic with him.

It was doomed!

And although Jisung had earnestly vowed to himself he would not engage in anything romantic with you, he was failing miserably. His affection towards you was something everyone picked up on. He always, no matter what, had his undivided attention on you as you ranted to him about whatever bothered you that day or how you were struggling to nail a part of your dance routine. It was obvious. He loved hearing you talk and could listen to you for hours as if you were his own personal podcast, always mirroring your emotion and blindly agreeing with you during your rants, always asking you questions whenever you rambled on about your own hobbies and interests.

If someone ever talked over you, he’d make sure to ask you what you were going to say. If you were upset that day, he’d always offer to buy you ice cream and insist to the group that they all needed to stop by the local ice cream shop. If you ever showed him a video of your latest dance routine, he’d shower you with a ridiculous amount of compliments until you were a flustered mess asking him to stop. And every time he noticed you were wearing a new outfit, changed your hair, or wore different jewelry, he would be quick to notice and let you know how wonderful you looked. He was shamelessly flirting with you, and he hadn’t even realized how far he had let it go.

On the other side of the pond, you were well aware of every horrible thing that was said about Jisung, even long before you had become a member of Minho’s team, and to be quite frank, you thought he was a complete asshole from what you’ve heard. But once you realized that he was one of Minho’s lifelong best friends, you knew you had to push your personal feelings aside, especially when you realized some of the music Minho had you perform with was Jisung’s original work. You hated to admit it, but he was an absolute genius when it came to music production and you were slowly becoming a fan of his work.

All you could tell yourself was that he couldn’t have been that bad if everyone was still his friend and reminded yourself people change, it’s not like you were going to end up liking the guy anyway.

Oh, but you were so wrong.

The first time you saw him at Minho’s party, you thought he was so irresistibly adorable during his drunken babbling, and you were honestly taken aback that the cute man who sat in front of you was none other than Han Jisung. Although, it did help soften your initial thoughts of him, making you think maybe he wasn’t that bad, especially after seeing him become a blushing mess at the mere sight of you, but those thoughts were quickly pushed away while Hyunjin walked you to your car after you left.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Jisung from other people, right?”

“Oh, I’ve heard plenty, but he doesn’t seem so bad though.”

“Well, he isn’t if you’re just friends with him, but… He definitely seemed into you when he saw you and as your friend, I feel like it is my responsibility to let you know that he isn’t someone you should pursue. I love him, but you deserve someone better than that… I would hate to see him hurt another one of my friends.”

“Ah, no worries, Hyunjin. I’ve made dumb dating choices in the past, but I’m not that stupid.”

Except, you were that stupid. So, so, so incredibly stupid and you were terrified that anyone would uncover your growing crush on the boy. You could already imagine both Hyunjin and Seungmin’s disappointed looks, and you promised yourself you were taking this little secret to the grave. You had every reason in the world to not be attracted to Jisung, especially after hearing how he put his hands on Seungmin during their argument! Drunk or not, there’s no excuse for that and his denial of his actions said so much about him.

Yet, here you are, sitting next to Jisung on the couch in the living room of Minho’s place, excitedly talking to him about the latest episode of the drama you were currently watching, gossiping to him as if the actors were real people you knew in your personal life. He sat on the couch with his legs crossed, facing you while nodding along to every word you said, his eyes trained on you and you alone.

“And-, oh my god, I almost forgot, but the lead then told her to shut up! Can you believe that?!”

Jisung would then gasp, theatrically putting his hand on his chest, “No fucking way… What is his problem?”

“Right! And then-,” you paused for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure that you were forcing Jisung to listen about something he probably didn’t care for. You sighed and gave him an apologetic smile as you anxiously twiddled your fingers, “I’m sorry, I got carried away, you probably don’t wanna listen to me talk about some stupid drama.”

This time, Jisung did look genuinely surprised as his eyebrows furrowed upward with panicked eyes, “What? No, I love hearing you talk about this, you’re always so excited that it’s adorable.” He hated how fast your mood changed and started to worry if he had done something to make you feel that way. Did he look uninterested? Was he not responsive enough?

“Did I do something to make you think I didn’t want to listen?”

You felt your cheeks grow warm at Jisung calling you adorable, and then felt your heart start beating loudly in your chest when he asked you that question with all the concern and worry in the world filling his eyes. You shot straight up in your seat, returning his gaze with astonishment, not expecting him to be so considerate. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just…” You paused for a moment, trying to find the words without revealing too much on how you were feeling, “I just got nervous for a moment, I don’t know.”

Jisung nodded as you spoke, taking your hands in his as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Y/N, I promise there’s nothing more I’d love than to hear you talk. You could be explaining the most boring thing ever, and I would still listen to you happily.”

In the kitchen stood Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho who were watching the scene unfold before them as they prepared food for everyone, while the others were upstairs playing whatever video game upstairs. Seungmin narrowed his eyes as he watched Jisung reach for your hands, taking note of the flustered look on your face.

“I think Y/N likes him.”

Hyunjin and Minho turned to Seungmin for a moment, then looked back at you and Jisung, unsure what exactly Seungmin saw other than Jisung’s flirtations.

Hyunjin let out an annoyed exhale as he continued to fry the eggs on the pan, then muttering, “There’s no way that’s possible. Y/N knows better.”

“I don’t know. Just look at them, they act like there’s no one else in the room when they’re together,” whispered Seungmin.

“I guess,” murmured Hyunjin, clearly upset about Seungmin’s hunch, “This is going to end terribly, isn’t it?”

Minho silently stood as he separated the ramen noodles that were boiling in the pot, humming along as he listened to the two younger boys angrily whisper. “I think it will be okay. I think our Jisungie has learned his lessons.”

The other two looked at him with disbelief, neither believing Jisung was capable of ever growing from the immature mindset he had for as long as they’ve known him. Hyunjin scoffed, “No, you don’t really think that, do you?”

Minho kept his eyes on the stove as the other two stared down at the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I could be wrong, I can’t exactly predict the future, but…” He then glanced back at the couch, smiling as Jisung made you laugh, “He treats them differently. I don’t know why, but he does. Don’t you two think so?”

Seungmin and Hyunjin stayed silent, not being able to deny Minho’s statement because they fully knew he wasn’t wrong. Everyone knew something in Jisung had changed when he had met you, and everyone saw how gently he treated you, almost as if he was scared he could scare you away with one little misstep.

“Whatever, I still don’t trust him,” Hyunjin grumbled, putting the last of the eggs on a plate.

Minho chuckled at both of the boy’s protectiveness, “That’s okay, no one is forcing you to, but remember, they’re both adults. They can do what they want, no matter how stupid we all think it is.”

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

Months had gone by and there was no denying the small romance that had flourished between you and Jisung. You both were hopelessly head-over-heels for the other, to the point that everyone around you two had grown sick of it and was praying for the day where one of you would finally confess your feelings to the other.

You had long given up on hiding your feelings for the boy from your friends, especially after one day Seungmin had confronted you and told you it was the most obvious thing in the world. Part of you had prepared yourself for Seungmin to berate you for your poor taste in men, especially after the plethora of warnings you had been given about Jisung, but instead, he was very supportive and wanted you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it, even if he thought you could do better.

Jisung had become a part of your daily life, spending nearly everyday with each other or at the very least, you both had become accustomed to texting one another throughout the day. You’d start your day either sending or receiving a ‘good morning’ text from him and you’d end your day the same way, except it was a ‘good night’ text.

You’d often pay him a visit at his studio on days he had lost track of time, always letting yourself in after he had given you the passcode to the door, which he had only given to you, Minho, Chan, and Changbin. It came to you as a surprise when he gave you the code to his studio, insisting that you needed it so you could drop in whenever you wanted, telling you that you were always a welcomed guest at his studio. In reality, Jisung just wanted an excuse to see you more, and you had taken the bait as you would often show up with an iced americano in hand and whatever takeout food you were in the mood for that day.

If you ever had a long day of dance practice, Jisung would make sure to stop by to drop off a snack and drink as well, often receiving complaints from Minho over his blatant favoritism, accusing him of neglecting his best friend, which would cause Jisung to grow red from embarrassment. Despite his relentless teasing, Minho was more than proud to see how much Jisung had grown and how naturally caring for you had come to him. It was a side of Jisung no one had ever seen, and it was a very much welcomed change.

Today, you were sitting on the couch at Jisung’s apartment as he washed the dishes from the dinner you both had attempted to make, humming along as he put them in the drying rack. For some reason, you and Jisung had thought it would be a great idea to recreate a steak dish you both saw online and while it did not go terribly, the steaks ended up being a little too burnt for either of your liking. You were a bit disappointed, part of you feeling embarrassed you couldn’t even cook a proper meal in front of your crush, but he had lifted your spirits up by telling you it was an ‘excellent culinary choice’ to serve the steaks charred, shushing you each time you said the word burnt.

Soon after, he took a seat next to you on the couch, flicking through the TV as he tried to find something to watch, but soon gave up as he turned to you, “Is there anything you wanna watch?”

You scrunch up your face as you take a few seconds to think, clapping your hands excitedly once the idea hits you, “Have you ever watched Love is Blind? It’s kinda a dumb reality show, but I still haven’t seen the new season and it’s always a fun watch!”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, “Love is Blind? I’ve never heard of it, what's it about?”

“Never heard of it!? No way!” You gasped, a hand clasping over your mouth dramatically as he smiled adoringly at your antics, “It’s such a crazy show! Basically, a bunch of singles are trying to find the love of their lives, but they’re meeting people without ever seeing what they look like!”

“Oh, so they only get to talk to each other?”

“Yeah! And then they have to get engaged, and once that happens, they can finally meet face to face. They’re supposed to get married at the end of the series, but there’s always juicy drama going on before then!”

Jisung hummed, taking interest in the show's concept, “That’s cool, so they’re trying to see if love is truly blind?”

“Exactly!” You chirped, nodding with enthusiasm as you beamed at Jisung, waiting for his response.

“Sure, let’s watch it!” How could he ever say no to you when you’re smiling at him that way? He swore he felt his heart flutter the moment you smiled at him, the jubilation in your eyes making him become putty in your hands. “Do you really believe in that though? Like, unconditional love?”

You turned to him as you grabbed the remote from his hands, a bit taken aback from his question, “Well, I’ve already seen the other seasons and some couples have definitely proven that love can be blind, but love differs for everyone. I think that’s the beauty of this show though, loving someone despite their flaws and loving them for who they truly are.”

He leaned back on the couch, returning your gaze as he lost himself deep in thought, “Right, but do you think you could love someone unconditionally? Even if they’ve made mistakes in the past?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand where Jisung was coming from, a gentle smile gracing your features as you reached a comforting hand over his wrist, “Well, as long as those past mistakes aren’t murder or something, I don’t see why not. I’d like to think people are able to grow from their past.”

Jisung smiled as he sighed in relief, his other hand resting on top of yours, “Even me?”

“Especially you.”

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

It was a quiet and cold night as you curled up into Jisung’s side, your head resting on his chest with a leg thrown over his as his arms swaddled you into a tight embrace. It was peaceful and serene, the only sounds filling the room was the light pitter patter of rain against his bedroom window and the comforting beat of his heart. You tilted your head upwards and caught Jisung’s gaze, a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure what you and Jisung were, as neither of you had ever officially discussed labels, but you both were very aware of each other’s feelings for one another. There was no doubt that you both were more than just friends, but the label of partners or dating was something Jisung nervously tiptoed around.

After a few weeks of these shared tender moments, you figured Jisung would soon ask you to be his, but the question never came and it filled you with nervousness. You didn’t want to pressure him, as you could sympathize with his concerns since he was very transparent with you about his hesitance from the very start.

Jisung was irrevocably in love with you and wanted nothing more than to make you his partner, but he would be lying to you if he wasn’t also terrified of the weight of that label. For so long, Jisung had convinced himself he was incapable of loving someone the way they deserved to be and never thought anyone would have ever fallen for him, especially someone as perfect as you. Perhaps it was your sheer kindness and undying belief in him, but he felt like a complete fraud, as if you had imagined him to be this amazing man that he could never be and has never been. He wasn’t ready to fall short of your expectations, he wasn’t ready to face the disappointed and heartbroken look on your face once you realized the rumors about him were complete truth.

He felt as if he was truly undeserving of someone as pure as you, someone so selfless and caring who approached their own feelings with so much confidence, while he was just a shamefully selfish man who didn’t know how to trust himself, who didn’t believe in his own ability to make his own partner happy, a man who was painfully insecure and unsure of who he was.

He wanted you with every fiber of his being and desperately wanted to be the very reason behind your smiles, laughter, and happiness. He so greedily desired to see his own reflection in your eyes for the rest of his life, a sight that he wanted to treasure for the rest of life and the thought of you looking at someone else that way physically pained him.

Yet, his fear of hurting you and disappointing everyone else around him held him back from chasing those feelings and Seungmin’s words from months ago ruminated in his mind as a constant reminder of his past failures. He would not be able to shoulder the burden of hurting you, the guilt would completely eat him up because at the end of the day, it would be his fault for fooling you into the idea that he was capable of giving you that movie perfect love story. For crying out loud, he’s Han Jisung, the guy everyone hated and criticized for his ineptitude of romantic relations. He knew what you wanted, he knew you were growing impatient and scared over his inaction, but his anxieties held him captive in a standstill, and he was not strong enough to challenge it.

All he could tell you was that he needed more time, that he was afraid and needed the chance to grow that confidence in himself once more, but he knew time was finite and he was running out of it.

As he kissed your forehead, he felt his heart flinch as a pang of sadness flooded his body, forcefully fighting the overwhelming adoration and affection he had for you. He was petrified at the way his body slowly began to reject the feelings of love he had for you, fear and insecurities consuming it as if everything you had to offer nothing. All rational thinking had left him in that moment as panic took over his thoughts, angrily yelling at him for being such an idiot to think anything would ever change. How stupid he was to lead on another innocent person and how he was only going to hurt them, just like all the others before him. How idiotic he was for thinking he was ever deserving of love, as love does not wish to know him.

He just couldn’t be your love.

God, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole, maybe then he could’ve saved you from his own carelessness. If he had only heeded the warnings of his friends, but once again, he has fallen into the trap of self-centered needs outweighing the feelings of others. If he had only stayed your friend and nothing more, if he had only not-

“Y/N, I don’t think this is going to work.”

Did he really say that out loud? He held his breath as he cursed himself for acting so quickly out of fear, his heart stopped as he watched you stiffen in his own arm. You silently sat yourself up, his arms falling to the mattress as you turned to him with tears filling your eyes, your lips trembling as you tried to contain a sob.

Oh, how Jisung just wished the world would swallow him whole in that moment, his heart completely shattering at the sight of your crestfallen face. He looked into your watery eyes to only realize that this time, the reflection of your eyes showed the source of your sorrow, an expression he had wished he never had the misfortune to witness.

“I… I’m sorry, I just-”

You shook your head, raising a hand to signal him to stop talking, refusing to take an explanation from him, “It’s okay. I was afraid this would happen.”

You forced a tightlipped smile, taking a deep breath through your nose as you tried to keep yourself together, faintly whispering a broken “Please don’t text or call me.”

Jisung shot up as he watched you get up from his bed, trying to scramble after you as you made your way to his front door, grabbing your belongings on the way. He didn’t realize how much he was already crying until he tried to speak to you, but it all came out in a blubbering sob. “Y/N, please, listen to me…” He begged you to listen to him, pleaded for you to try to understand where this was all coming from and to understand that he still loved you so much despite how selfish his actions are, yet you never gave him a chance.

“Jisung, please. I don’t care why, I don’t want to know,” you croaked between sobs, doing your best to maintain your composure as you faced the front door, refusing to look at him. “I just feel like an idiot. I should’ve listened to what people said about you.”

There you went, leaving his apartment and shutting the door in his face with force, leaving Jisung to confront nothing, but his own cowardice.

Once again, Jisung fell into the trap of his own self-centered thinking, getting lost in his own immaturity as he became the victim of the circumstances he created. If he had only realized that he wasn't alone in this battle of his own conscience, if he had only realized you would've fought each insecurity and fear with him.

Oh, woe is me, Han Jisung. Only a fool would be afraid of love.

#skz x reader #skz fanfic #skz angst #skz #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #stray kids #stray kids angst #han jisung #skz jisung #skz jisung x reader #han x reader #skz han #skz han x reader #jisung x reader #han jisung x reader #cinnamostar writes

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reasonsforhope · 9 months

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Is it true some parts will be under water in 2025? I'm kinda of worried cause someone told me about it bc it was on the news

Eh, not really. Like, technically, but that's a very dramatic way to put it.

What that person told you about was probably this prediction, which says that some roads on some of the Florida Keys might be underwater by 2025.

Does that suck? Yes. But it's also pretty limited in scope.

(And by the way, that's probably not "underwater all the time." There will probably be a number of years of "the roads will be underwater at high tide specifically." I can't currently find a source on this, but that's how tides work, and the Florida Keys article does specifically mention them as a main problem.)

The areas in danger first are pretty universally small, very low islands. Actually, a dozen or so small islands have already gone underwater in the Pacific Ocean, but very importantly, none of those islands were inhabited.

They were mostly small reef islands (that is, the entire island is exposed coral reef detritus) and other uninhabited shoals. Mostly, they were so small scientists had to check old satellite images to even figure out that they disappeared. Literally, we're talking about chunks of land that are just 100 square meters/300 square feet. Again, not great, but still very limited in scope.

As this Live Science article thankfully explains, it's pretty unlikely that any countries at all will disappear before 2100.

Also, just because land is below sea level doesn't mean it will be underwater, and there are very real steps we can take to defend a lot of endangered cities/islands.

For example:

Much of the Netherlands is already below sea level, but the country isn't disappearing, because the Dutch have put a lot of work into building and maintaining coastal defenses.

Multiple surveys (including the one that found the missing islands in Micronesia) also found that not all low-lying islands are vulnerable to erosion and flooding. This is because many islands are protected by mangrove forests, lagoons, or both

Mangrove reforestation in particular is genuinely a super effective anti-flooding strategy that is being deployed pretty widely, and is expected to increase a lot in the coming years. Mangroves are effective at not only preventing short-term flooding, but also mitigating sea-level increases (in part by preventing erosion)

Some islands, esp Pacific Islands, have actually grown during the past couple decades, not shrunk. It really depends on what the island is made up of. Not all land is automatically doomed

You can read more about how sinking countries are fighting back here, and the lessons we can learn from them:

-via Time, June 13, 2019

And finally, and this is good news for reasons I'll explain in a second:

Some of the largest and wealthiest cities in the world are at the top of the danger list. (Note: the predictions at that link are based on some fairly severe warming predictions. They do NOT necessarily reflect what's going to happen or when.)

The cities that are going to be in danger the soonest (still away btw) include New York, London, San Francisco, Tokyo, and Dubai. Lots of very rich people in those cities! Who would really like to not have to move (any of their ten different homes lol)

So, flooding aside, we're going to (by necessity) get a lot better at figuring out the quickest, cheapest, most scalable, and most effective types of coastal defenses real fast.

Are rich countries going to be way more able to get strong coastal defense systems up quickly? Yes. Does that suck? Sure fucking does!! But these solutions don't all require a lot of money or tech to implement, even at a large scale, especially when it's local communities driving the effort.

And, importantly, when rich countries pour a ton of money into figuring this out, that will hugely expand our understanding of what techniques work best, why, and how best to deploy them in different situations. Unlike physical structures, that's valuable knowledge that can be shared very, very widely.

And any technology that comes out of this is going to work like solar panels and other green energy: as more people use it, it will get cheaper and cheaper. Probably really quickly.

So, all told, no one's going to be swallowed up in the next few years. We have time to work on this and a lot of people are already doing so.

Mostly, experts predict that the first wave of large-scale issues will be happening around 2050.

Three decades doesn't sound like enough time, in the face of something like this. But you know what? Responses to climate change are speeding up exponentially, and different types of responses are multiplying and magnifying each other.

We went from inventing flight to landing on the moon in just 66 years.

I wouldn't count us out of the climate change fight yet.

(...I wouldn't count on retiring to Florida either, though)

#Anonymous #sea level rise #ocean #micronesia #pacific islander #mangrove #flood #flood mitigation #ask #me #hope #it does suck but I also really do think there is hope #this post was supposed to be like 2-3 paragraphs how did it turn into an entire essay #I have too many words disease #too much nuance #hope yall appreciate the extra context lol

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hazbinfallinginaspiral · 8 days

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Hello fellow Vox Simp!

Have you ever considered Vox with a gamer partner? Or a Hacker partner?

The Gamer would have to be a soft Vox, picture them just hiding out in his penthouse waiting to give Vox attention whenever he's around. They would try cooking food from games but hey it's the thought that counts right. Maybe they have game related powers. Could happily aid Vox with getting VoxTech into the gaming market.

Hacker could be any kinda Vox. Vox struggles with code, Hacker can handle it. Someone trying to compete in the tech market, give the Hacker ten minutes and Voxtech owns that company.

Anything you write from these ideas I'm sure would be amazing!

Thanks! 🦈

I’m gonna be honest… this threw me off for a moment lol. I love it, my brain just isn’t working! You know how finals season can be. Anyway, sorry for the late reply but here’s what I’ve got! (Feel free to request again or clarify if I misunderstood anything!)

Game Over (Vox x Hacker!Reader)

-You knew coding better than most- not that it was hard, considering it wasn’t a particularly common skill. What was a surprise was your understanding of Vocode, a coding language Vox made up specifically for Voxtek. It’s indecipherable to most, and even himself sometimes, yet you’ve managed to get a perfect understanding of it.

-You didn’t really use your knowledge for good. You were in Hell for a reason, after all.

-Maybe you were hired for your proficiency in coding. Maybe you tried to hack into Voxtek systems. Either way, Vox had you on lock and key.

-You found that you didn’t mind too much. He used your skills for his own gain and supplied you with high quality tech, something you’d never have gotten otherwise.

-Of course, you’re more than ‘business’ partners now. Your relationship goes beyond that.

-He was nice enough, when it came to you. You weren’t exempt from his bad moods or anything, but he was kinder towards you. He made an effort, and that’s what counts.

-He often overworked himself, lashing out when he was frustrated. You could recognize these moods easily, and always went through the Voxtek systems to see who had fucked up to get him in a bad mood this time. You took care of it for him.

-Vox struggled with Vocode sometimes, and often called you in to help him. He’d be in a huff and demand you show him how you did it, explaining every step. And so you did.

-He sat in your lap as you worked, insisting it was because he didn’t want to miss a single thing. You noticed his system ran a bit hotter when this happened. Not overheating, but he seemed to like it.

-So he sat there like a cat, stubborn. You explained the ins and outs as best you could, but he seemed distracted as you moved. You shifted him a little to reach what you needed to better. He seemed less interested in actually learning and more interested in just being near you.

-Sometimes you suspected he wasn’t having a problem with the code and that he just wanted to spend time with you. You didn’t mind. It was endearing.

Bonus!

As I sat at my desk, immersed in lines of code, Vox's loomed over me like a comforting shadow. He leaned against my chair, his screen resting on my shoulder as he watched me work with keen interest.

"What are you working on?" he asked, his voice soft and curious.

I glanced up at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "Just some maintenance on the Vocode compiler," I said, gesturing to the screen filled with lines of complex code.

Vox had previously seemed to be admiring something- and it wasn’t the code. Now his gaze shifted to the screen as he studied the intricate patterns of code on the screen. "You never cease to amaze me," he murmured, his voice filled with genuine awe.

I felt a warm flush of pride spread through me at his words. He didn’t hand out compliments, usually he didn’t like to acknowledge that he had any attachment to anyone- he saw that as weakness. The fact he’d be so open with me was nice, something I was still getting used to.

"Thank you," I said, quieter than before. I had a small, sort of happy and content smile on my face.

Without another word, Vox pulled me into his lap, his arms wrapping around me in a tight embrace. I leaned back against his chest, reveling in the warmth of his presence as I continued to work. The soft hum of his screen head was comforting, as was the white noise that accompanied it when I took a break to give him a kiss or compliment him.

Together, we made the perfect team, in my opinion. Absolute power couple. As the hours passed we switched positions a little so I could work easier.

As the soft glow of the computer screen illuminated the dimly lit room, I sat cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by a tangle of wires and circuit boards. Vox sat comfortably in my lap, his head resting against my chest as he watched me work with a mixture of fascination and admiration.

"So, let me get this straight," Vox said, his voice tinged with awe. "You're telling me that by bypassing this firewall and rerouting the encrypted data through this server, we can access their entire database?"

I nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of my lips. "That's right," I said lightly. I gave him a quick kiss,” my fingers flying across the keyboard with practiced ease. "With a little bit of my coding magic, we'll have everything we need to give Voxtek the upper hand."

Vox leaned back against me, his body relaxed against mine as he watched the code scroll across the screen. "You're incredible," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

I felt a warmth spread through me at his words, a sense of pride swelling in my chest. "I just do what I can to help," I said with a grin, though secretly pleased by his praise.

And as the night wore on and the lines of code blurred together in a whirlwind of binary, I knew that there was nowhere else I'd rather be than right here, with Vox in my arms, making magic happen one line of code at a time.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #vox #ao3 writer #my writing #vox x reader #writing #reader insert #reqs open #asks open #thanks anon!

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deckofcookiez · 2 months

Text

The Alex Kister Situation

Alright; I've been more of a lurker on here for awhile, but for months now--almost a year--I've been a massive fan of the Mandela Catalogue, and this fandom has been a major form of escapism and safety for me. So, I feel the need to say something about the current situation.

To start, I'm putting a link to the document with all of the information about what happened, as it's important to read it and learn about this whole situation in depth:

With that out of the way, I just wanted to share my own personal opinion; personally, Mandela Catalogue has legitimately become my special interest. I have pretty much obsessed over it ever since I first found it, and everything I've written or drawn since then has been to do with it. It's been very important to me, especially due to the community here on tumblr, as this fandom is probably the most supportive and open places on the internet I've found. I feel a lot more connected because of it, and it made me feel comfortable and safe.

I was in a bad mental space today, and when I found out about this, I had a pretty bad breakdown--some might call it an overreaction, but you don't know just how dependent my mental health had become on this series and fandom. (I will be working on avoiding this habit in the future, as it isn't healthy to depend so heavily on one interest)

After reading through the document, and just seeing so many opinions and contributions from others, I am almost certain that these allegations are true. But I always, always listen to all perspectives before making judgement, so I will not be going full "I hate Alex, he's a despicable person!!" before Alex gives his own point of view.

That being said, I do believe Alex has serious issues that he needs to get handled. I am hesitant to call this pedophilia, as from what I've gathered, he didn't seem to have active malicious intent towards minors(correct me if I missed something that said otherwise)--rather, I get the impression that Alex simply doesn't understand boundaries, and genuinely saw his fans as mutuals. He seems to be a person who's manipulative--whether intentionally or not--and his personal relationships, platonic, romantic, or sexual, turn very toxic because of this. So, trying to have personal relationships with fans, people who look up to him and see him in a very different light, results in inevitable toxicity as well.

I get the sense that Alex simply is a young person, struggling with mental health and gender dysphoria, who was thrust into extreme popularity very suddenly, and doesn't have the maturity level to handle it properly. Overall, I do not support him, if he continues to act like this--if he makes genuine, real efforts to deal with his mental health and his unhealthy behaviours, I would respect him for that. I wouldn't look at him quite the same, but as long as someone makes genuine efforts to better themself after doing something wrong, I appreciate and respect that, and may eventually give forgiveness. But, if he doesn't make those efforts, if he continues his patterns and refuses to try and get better, then that is on him and at that point I have lost any and all respect for him. At that point, you are not a good or reasonable person, in my eyes.

Regardless of how things go with Alex himself, though, I want to say...

You do not have to support a creator to enjoy their work!!

I am a huge fan of Danny Phantom, and that show's creator is a genuine piece of shit. Like, a truly despicable human being. That fandom successfully has, just... completely ripped the show and characters from their creator. They have cut him out entirely, nothing he says holds any impact or meaning to them and it hasn't for years. He's seriously fallen off. And it's still a fun, active fandom! The people in there are super neat!!

And, hell, look at the whole mess with J. K. Rowling!! She is an absolutely disgusting person. But so many people grew up with Harry Potter, and still like her stories, without actively supporting her--lots of creators turn out to be really awful people, but that doesn't mean that what they made is automatically awful as well. They still have some kind of creative ability, that happened to produce something that garnered a significant amount of attention.

We don't need Alex to still enjoy the concept, characters, and overall story he's created. We can still make fanworks, still appreciate what it is that drew us to the series in the first place.

Honestly, out of everything that the fallout of this would bring, I was most terrified of the fandom itself dying, as that is what truly matters the most to me. This place, these people are so important to me, and I am so scared of this community falling apart. I've already seen plenty of people stating that they will no longer be associating with TMC, and are just completely distancing themselves from it. It feels like things are already dying and disappearing and it really, really fucking hurts.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that... if that is your choice, if you truly do not want to associate with TMC anymore whatsoever, then I don't blame you for it. I understand if you can't look at the series the same way after this, and I respect that choice.

But you don't have to, if it still means anything to you. Fandoms are more than just their creators--they're the community that has been built around the work, and this community is possibly the best one I've ever been in. I don't want to see it die. So, just know, that you can still love this fandom, this story, these characters, without supporting Alex. You can still draw the characters, make OCs, write fanfiction, etc. He won't get money from that--only from directly watching his content or buying his merch.

Finally, I'd like to say to go support the victims. They didn't deserve this--no matter what Alex's intentions were. Please support them, and regardless of how this turns out, do not continue actively supporting Alex Kister. I am sure that, whatever his intentions were, he did still harm people and that is not okay.

Also, this is all just my own opinion, based on what I know; I was not in the discord, I don't have Twitter, I don't personally know anyone involved and I have not seen everything regarding the situation as a whole. I simply felt I should state my current opinion, as I'm seeing a lot of people freaking out and spiraling and just leaving the fandom entirely. I wanted to remind people that it's okay to still enjoy this fandom and be a part of it, without Alex. My opinion may change some with new information I find, but overall, I am of the opinion that Alex should not be supported, while the Mandela Catalogue itself can be separated from him and still be enjoyed and appreciated.

And, whatever happens... Adam Murray, Jonah Marshall and Thatcher Davis are officially honorary characters in my stash of little guys. If he's not fit to keep them then they will become my creative outlet instead (and others who love them, obviously). They're very special characters to me, I can't express just how many things I have written and drawn to do with them, and I refuse to give them up.

(another addition, regarding the apparent 'alter egos' Alex apparently had: Possibly consider DID? I know a lot of people with DID will often mistake it for other things, including simply being gender non-conforming, when in actuality they really have alters that just identify differently. Not diagnosing, I don't know enough about him to make any real claims--it was just a thought.)

#mandela catalogue #the mandela catalogue #tmc #tw grooming #tw pedophila mention #This is not meant to spark any sort of controversy.#I just wanted to get my opinion out there bc I feel like I'm gonna explode right now #Will still probably post my art of the characters as I'm proud of it and my art has improved significantly since discovering TMC

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vigilskeep · 1 year

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oh, anders sounds pretty angry when saying the irving line. it's one of those few that sounds esp kind of sincerely hurt, i suppose, you know, the same way he gets riled up in some of his dialogue where he drops the jokey demeanor fpr a moment. which is interesting in general considering how irving described to treat him in thedas info book, like asking the templars to go easier on the boy but then regretting going soft him. and all anders has to say in return is that he hated him, and means it

i think it makes sense to me that anders would genuinely hate irving and it also makes me want to eat drywall so here’s some thoughts on that

being a first enchanter is probably the most privileged position in a circle and it’s also the worst job you could ever have. you’re leader and advocate of the mages. to the templars, you’re the voice of opposition and discord. to the mages, you’re the guy who works closest to the templars, deciding to make compromises, agreeing to make certain mages tranquil, overseeing harrowings, and placating the rebellious. and if you don’t balance this, all those people under your care are going to die

in many ways, irving and greagoir are the intended ideal of a first enchanter and knight-commander. world of thedas vol2 says: “it is a surprise to many that irving often credits knight-commander greagoir for his success as first enchanter. [...] though their friendship was never entirely without conflict, mutual respect and understanding resulted in a working partnership rarely seen in the circle leadership.” (i consider the first part a veiled joke at greagoir’s expense but that’s my very specific irving characterisation lmao.) in the mage origin, irving and greagoir are constantly arguing, but the very fact that irving can do that on the regular while visibly appearing on a fairly even footing is a mark of the respect he holds. it’s a rlly different energy to, say, meredith and orsino’s arguments. likewise, greagoir’s trust in irving during broken circle is phenomenal: he straight up will not annul his demon-infested circle if his first enchanter says it’s alright.

so the trust irving holds with the templars saves the circle. it also makes kinloch hold one of the most lenient circles in southern thedas—yes, it’s still a circle, it’s horrible, but the freedoms that some of the senior enchanters have are insane. you do not win that kind of trust from the templars without concessions. you do not win it, for example, without being the kind of first enchanter who does things like lure apprentices into blood magic and then hand over anyone willing to try it to the templars. it doesn’t surprise me that every part of irving’s behaviour reads as treachery to anders, the guy who said, “i will not stand by and watch while you treat all mages as criminals while those who would lead us bow to their templar jailers!” (emphasis mine, directed at orsino during the last straw.) it’s not in anders’ nature to be particularly charitable to those who collaborate with the circle. the trust irving holds with greagoir puts them visibly on the same team

irving cared about anders. he “took pity on the tearful boy”, he was “endeared” by his friendliness and charm, he “looked upon anders with sympathy”. he told the templars to be kinder to him, and he even made efforts to arrange time outdoors for him and the other apprentices. he worries about anders after karl is taken to the gallows, telling him that even a first enchanter might no longer be able to protect him if he tries anything, implying he has been protecting him all this time, and overall it’s heavily heavily implied that if it hadn’t been for irving’s influence anders would be tranquil or dead. so where’s “i hated that bastard” coming from? because from anders’ perspective, i think even all this still reads like cowardice and treachery. when you’re twelve years old and crying and missing home and you get dragged to someone’s office after your escape attempt, it looks like they have all the power, and all irving ever did with it was cave to the templars to get his meagre little liberties and tell everyone there was no other way. i also don’t doubt that anders deeply resents the idea that he should have to be grateful to anyone for the above. grateful for the privilege of his life? for being allowed not to have his very emotions stolen from him? for a supervised day under the sun if he’s well-behaved? perhaps next he can write them all thank you letters for his hands, since they didn’t cut them off. maybe after that he can pay the rent he owes for the cell he was in solitary confinement in

to anders, i think even everything good irving managed to do for the mages under his care, they’re all placating measures, designed to keep them just comfortable enough in their cages not to break the bars. that’s not necessarily a kindness to the mages, not in the eyes of the guy who came to the conclusion that there can be no compromise, there can be no peace. i don’t think those thoughts are as ummm coherent during awakening—you’re getting them in the simplistic rebellious form of “i hated that bastard” for a reason, it reads like a leftover from a teenage grudge against a teacher (which it also is!), and oversll i think it’s more personal and complicated than all this political reading because irving was so much a part of his life—but they’re there. as a last point on real hatred from anders, i think it’s worth saying that irving was probably aware of and somewhat complicit in things like karl being transferred and anders’ solitary confinement, not to mention presiding over their harrowings and being involved in the making tranquil of surely many people that anders knew. like those are compromises irving made and was probably present for, regardless of whether you think he had any real choices

this is so long but i love thinking abt both characters so much. i’ll leave it there. as usual just thinking out loud, open to discussion etc

#anders #irving #zevsurana academics

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cordeliawhohung · 5 days

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I saw a reblog of the anonymous ask someone sent you about using character ai, and someone responded saying something about how it’s disgusting to even ask that, which is a liiiitle harsh, but I digress.

The issue here, is that there are more people who don’t understand what AI is doing than people who do understand.

ChatGPT, Open AI, Character AI, Gemini, etc ALL steal from published works on the internet. It cannot be prevented, no one can stop it from happening.

I’m not an artist & I don’t publish my writing, but I do genuinely care about the artists and writers who are having their work stolen and receiving absolutely zero credit.

Please, please, please, do not put someone’s work into AI.

If you want to create a character, or a storyline & use character ai, by all means, go for it. But PLEASE, don’t disrespect or disregard these artists by feeding their work into an AI. It completely diminishes all of the hard work they put into their art.

oh boy, nothing like having a post you made in fucking january suddenly gain a fuck ton of attention lmao.

while i understand where you're coming from, i think you completely missed the main point of my response to that anon.

1: i literally explained that ai steals work to that anon. i said it's a pale imitation of what a real human would write. that it takes works that people put so much effort into and regurgitates it out. i told them not to put stuff into ai. i informed them, and i wasn't rude about it either. emotional, maybe, but i wasn't being rude.

2: the main issue i had with that anon, besides the ai grossness, was the insinuation that i'm not "creating enough content" for them. "the readers can interact more with the characters" comment from them really grinds my gears. even if ai didn't steal from creators, and it wasn't a godawful abomination, them wanting me to put my ideas and works into something that they can interact with that isn't through me completely disregards the entire purpose of me having this blog in the first place. which i ALSO explained to them. why would i want to put my work into a 3rd party source and not interact with my followers when that's literally my favorite part of creating? bonding and talking about the shit i put effort into? i had every right to be upset about that, and so does every other writer.

3: i have no control how people reblog my posts. so idk why you're coming in my inbox about what someone else reblogged, really, just to tell me everything that i've already explained to that anon. i know who you're talking about too, because they're a mutual of mine, and honestly, i agree with them. it's disgusting to suggest someone should put something into a third party source so they don't have to wait for me to "churn out works" or whatever. i know people aren't well informed. which is why i informed them on that post and left it at that. i also explained why it's frustrating to receive asks like that, to hopefully prevent them from doing that again.

also, while i have whoever is reading this, i'd also like to mention that the anon who sent that ai ask sent a response back (that i didn't bother to respond to because i wasn't trying to make this a thing) somewhat apologizing and said they asked me that because other blogs on tumblr were doing it too. don't do that. don't assume that just because some people are doing x thing, that means you can suggest it to someone else. it's rude, and comparing blogs is just frustrating in itself.

anyway. i will not be making this a thing. do not come into my inbox debating the ethics of ai or whatever, as i will simply not entertain it. (:

#core responds #fuck ai everything #fuck holding writers and artists to impossible standards #people have every right to be mad about it #and if they're a little rude about it i #really don't care

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tubbytarchia · 1 month

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want to hear your thoughts on jimmy and joel. all your thoughts. all of them. across universes.

You ask you shall receive. I love them a lot

I can see them as a ship (and no Joel white knight can come at me when those two frequently engage in questionable exchanges) but mostly I see them as best friends with a brotherly bond. Joel is kinda similar to Martyn to me when thinking of Jimmy, where he's always been there and taken him for who he is and just fucked around, carefree. He's a mean bean but his banter doesn't give off maliciousness, to me he hasn't ever seemed as overstepping and making Jimmy genuinely upset

Unfortunately ESMP2 happened and it really pains me how much Joel drove the "toy Jimmy" bit into the ground, resulting in all the seriousness that Jimmy wasn't ever offered. Maybe Jimmy wouldn't have become as much of a joke as he was were it not for Joel. Maybe it would have all hurt a bit less if Joel hadn't built massive walls around Tumble Town. This does pain me always, but you know what, at least "bullying Jimmy" is not his shtick that he needs to rely on throughout various SMPs as much as it feels like certain other people do. He decided to lean into it this once wirh some thought that wasn't just "haha Jimmy sux!!" but unfortunately it devolved and absolutely everyone went along with his bit. But as far as Joel goes, from a brotherly sort of friendship perspective especially, this kind of teasing and banter is more excusable than it would be within a romantic ship etc, but regardless it still pains me lol

Aside from that though, they're buds... Joel I don't think could ever comfort Jimmy in any decent way just because of being the rabid creature that he is, even if he were to know of and understand Jimmy's horrors (to the best of his ability). But what matters is that he cares... He doesn't ever express this outwardly but he cares and that makes me happy and enjoy them as a duo. Things like how in Limited Life he really wanted to help Jimmy get some time to stay in the game longer and his downward red life spiral pretty much beginning with Jimmy's death. How in Secret Life he expresses confidence in Jimmy having his back, and how in spite of his anguish after Lizzie's death, he doesn't say anything to ruin Jimmy's fun upon him not being the first one out. Even when Jimmy's not there, all he says is "Jimmy's gloating about it, which is a weird thing to gloat about? But we have to give him every little win, don't we"

Also in 3rd Life, Jimmy kind of jokingly (I guess??) left a sign on Joel's property that just said "I miss you - Love from Solidarity" and I never stop thinking about it. It pains me a lot, especially when that came before the FH ordeal kicked into proper gear. It honestly reads like one last effort to get away from something awful that he's anticipating, for someone to help? Something something canary, he's sensing the danger. But Joel is stupid lol and I can't blame him for not paying that sign any mind. Anyway this is a stretch I just. I never stop thinking about it.........this reads like a cry for help..........

It genuinely surprises me when I think back to the traffic series' and realize how little Joel has made fun of Jimmy. Sure he laughs, with him it's more excusable because of their friendship, and yet somehow he doesn't make a fool of or comment on Jimmy's reputation as much as some others do. He doesn't seem to think Jimmy to be notably incompetent like some of the others do. Can't say too much on other SMPs because I've seen very little of them but the vibes seem to be more or less same. I love them a lot anon, I love them a lot... Joel, for a change, is someone Jimmy deserves (because he deserves someone who cares) and is fortunate to have, if only it weren't for all the unrelenting horrors that Joel can't really help with in any case. Pensive

#blabber

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cacoetheswriting · 1 year

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Hello! I hope all is well. I had a fluffy request if that’s ok? Eddie x fem!reader where reader is an art nerd that likes to draw for their campaigns. One day, they’re hanging out preparing for the campaign and maybe Eddie had a run in with Jason earlier and was feeling a little down that day so then reader just starts aggressivley complimenting him out if nowhere. I really love your work! ❤️

thank youuu for this request & for your sweet words, makes my heart happy that you like my little fics ❤️ hope i did your vision justice!

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 2.6k content warnings: adult language, use of pet names, a little mutual pining, insecurities / self-doubt, mentions of bullying, mainly just fluff - very much unedited - pls let me know if i missed anything!

Your friendship with Eddie was an odd one — if you could even call it that. More colleagues than friends, to be honest. Or better yet, acquaintances by association.

Freaks. Geeks. Social outcasts.

There was however, one big difference.

Your status at Hawkins High was by design. A strategic decision you put into play long before you even stepped through the building doors. Growing up in a busy house with a younger brother too loud for his own good, solitude was your best friend. Art was your escape. Often you only found time for both at school. So no, you didn’t wanna socialise or try out for the cheerleading team. You were quite content being left alone.

Being neighbours with Nancy Wheeler, and your younger brothers being practically attached at the hip, helped with staying invisible ‘cause who’s gonna bully the girl that sometimes hung out with Nancy and King Steve.

Eddie unfortunately was not as lucky. His label wasn’t his choice — not at first anyway. It followed him through the years from an age arguably too young. No kid deserved to be treated the way he was simply ‘cause of how/where he was brought up. The curly-haired boy couldn’t escape the names, the teasing, the dirty looks. He couldn’t change his fate. So eventually he stopped trying. The Freak.

And perhaps that’s why he’s never fully warmed up to you. You were a fraud, not actually understanding what it’s like to be an outcast.

But it’s not like you cared what Eddie Munson thought of you or if the metalhead liked you in any way. Hanging around him was simply a means to an end. He needed someone to immortalise his D&D campaigns and you needed continuous inspiration as well as material for your portfolio.

Most of your meet-ups were surrounded by quiet.

Thinking back, that was the first mistake since it was in that congenial silence, you noticed how he sucked his lip between his teeth whenever he was deep in thought, and how he’d scrunch his brows together if what he came up with didn’t quite make sense. He was undoubtedly pretty. The faded freckles on his face are reminiscent of a million stars. The dips in his cheeks, appearing whenever he smiled, comparable to picturesque valleys. Those big brown of his eyes were like chocolate buttons and the more time you spent together, the more you thought you caught him glancing in your direction with that cocoa gaze, but that would be insane. Right?

It was also in those moments, as you drew the monsters he described in grave detail, you got to see the Eddie he so desperately tried to hide away from the rest of the world. The real Eddie. He was ridiculously smart. Not many people in Hawkins, if any at all aside from your silly little brother with his band of friends, could come up with such intricate ideas. Funny too, making you snort a laugh one too many times with practically zero effort. And he was kind. Asking you how your day was, seeming genuinely interested in your answer.

The small talk was kept to a minimum in the hours you two spent working on the campaigns, but whenever you did have a short conversation, Eddie always made sure his attention was focused solely on you. The second mistake was letting him, because being his priority, if only in the moment, made your stomach flutter.

But today Eddie hasn't uttered a single word aside from a measly hello when you opened your front door earlier that afternoon to let him in.

Normally the silence doesn’t bother you. If anything, you welcome it as it helps you concentrate on the details of any piece you’re currently working on. There was just something about the way Eddie was sitting that made you feel uneasy. He didn’t seem present. Leaning against your dresser, legs sprawled out in front of him, gaze focused on something out the window as he fidgeted with the pencil in his hand.

At first you thought maybe he was planning the next move in his new campaign and just needed a minute, but then fifteen minutes passed and the metalhead still hadn’t moved. If you didn’t know any better, you’d doubt he was even breathing. As still as a rock.

A sudden wave of concern rushes through you and without taking a second to consider what you were doing, you grab one of the pillows from your bed and throw it in his direction.

“Shit, what the—”

“Are you okay?”

Eddie’s not sure how to answer that question, especially when he looks at you. Eyes wider than normal, accompanied by delicate worry lines that he's never really been on the receiving end of — aside from Wayne's constant frown. Eddie first thinks you're clearly faking the concern 'cause why would you actually care? But the longer his gaze remains connected with yours, the more he wants to believe your sincerity is genuine. And that's fucking scary.

“Yeah,” he says eventually. “Just a lot on my mind. Nothin' you need to worry about.”

But you don't give up as easily as he hoped you would.

“Wanna talk about it?”

His lips twitch though he never actually smiles and you are certain then something definitely happened because it's as if he really wants to offer you a glimpse of happiness, but his body is refusing.

Dropping his gaze to the pencil in his hands, Eddie sighs. “You don't have to do that.”

“Do what?” You ask, stringing your brows together.

“Pretend like you actually give a shit,” he replies with a little more disdain than intended while once again catching your eyes with his own.

You don't mean to scoff, but you do. “Look, Eddie, I know we're not like best of friends or anything,” you begin, hopping off the bed with an elegant bounce. “But considering lately I spend more time with you than Nancy or Steve, I feel like we can at least talk about shit, no? Like when something is bothering us, we can talk about that.”

He's slightly surprised at your words. The admission that you hang out with him more than your actual friends didn't seem right to him. In his mind, you and Wheeler are inseparable. He sees you two together all the time, sharing a ride to school, having lunch at the same table. And in the evenings or at the weekends, you're always around Harrington and that other girl, Buckley. Not like Eddie seeks you wherever he goes... He's just... observant.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Eddie rolls his eyes, tone full of disbelief. “You don't gotta lie to make me feel better.”

“I'm not,” you defend and sit cross-legged at his feet, knees brushing against the soles of his dirty Converse in the process. You know you don't owe him an explanation or reasoning, but it seems Eddie won't let up about what's on his mind without one.

“Nancy and I have drifted apart since I kinda took Steve's side in their breakup. Sure we carpool and sit at the same table in the cafeteria, and our idiotic brothers are good friends, but that's pretty much it.”

Eddie starts to feel like a jerk for assuming shit when he clearly had no clue, but you don't give him a chance to interject.

“And yeah, I see Steve often, but it's not like we're all buddy-buddy. He likes it when I stop by the video store to literally sit on the counter and draw his stupid head of hair just so he can make other girls jealous.”

“Jesus, that's shitty.”

You shrug, a small smile circling your lips. “I don't mind. Free film rental and peaceful sketching time.”

The lighthearted tone of your voice makes the corners of Eddie's mouth curl upwards, matching the expression currently present on your face. There's a semi-second of quiet. He's no longer feeling bad 'cause you've taken those worries away with one simple look. And when you knock your knee against his shoe again, Eddie's completely relaxed.

Lost in the way the sun reflects in your eyes, the metalhead doesn't really think when he asks, “So how come you've never invited me over for movie night, huh?”

You smirk. “Horrors aren't really my thing. I actually like to enjoy what I'm watching,” you tease, “Even if the shit is free. Don't wanna see any decapitations, thank you very much.”

Eddie huffs a laugh. He pulls his legs up before sliding along the carpeted floor of your bedroom until he's about a reach away from you. Closer than he's ever been. His arms make way around his legs, ring-clad fingers hanging low, poking at your calf.

Surprisingly, you don't flinch at Eddie's sudden proximity or the delicate touch.

“Quite presumptuous of you, sweetheart.” He affirms, gaze focused on where his skin brushes against the denim of your jeans.

“So you don't only watch gruesome things?” You challenge, your own fingers hesitantly reaching towards him, stopping before you can actually graze him in any way.

Eddie's smirking. “Not the point.”

“Sounds like I'm right,” you muse, your smile growing wider. “But I'll make you a deal.”

He looks up to meet your eyes then, hiking a brow. “Oh, yeah?”

You nod. “If you tell me what you were thinking about earlier, I'll let you pick a movie we can watch together. Even something horrific.”

This was uncharted territory — (and also your third mistake). The two of you have never hung out outside of working on D&D campaigns, but since Eddie asked a mere minute ago, even if he was just teasing, you figured why the fuck not. What's the worst that could happen? Plus this seemed the only way to get him to open up.

Eddie tugs his bottom lip between his teeth as he mewls over your proposal. On the one hand, talking about feelings or problems isn't something he's necessarily into. And when it comes to spending time with you, part of the allure is congenial silence, unless he's the one fishing for information. On the other hand, his heart rate has increased tenfold at the thought of you hiding in his embrace during a particularly gross scene or before any jump scare.

In the end, the physical urge to be close to you, an unmistakable desire he's been experiencing for far longer than Eddie would care to admit out loud, wins.

“Carver just got in my head.”

The instant frown on your face, and how your fingers are suddenly reaching for his, looping together, make Eddie want to elaborate.

“Called me talentless. Usually the shit that douche and his gang of imbeciles spewer doesn't bother me 'cause I've been called many things throughout my life and whatever they come up with is more idiotic than hurtful, but I dunno, that comment just rubbed me the wrong way.”

He drops his gaze, focusing instead on your hands now perfectly intertwined. He began to rub gentle circles into your soft flesh and although this was completely odd behaviour for the two of you, it felt more than right.

“Because it's not true, Eddie.”

The metalhead's heart flips at your words and the encouraging tone behind them. Although he didn’t let it show, focusing instead on the dips between your knuckles and every single crease in your skin as he squeezed your hand just a little tighter.

“You're not talentless,” you affirm, dipping your head lower in hopes of catching his brown eyes. “If anything, you're one of the most talented people I've ever met.”

“Bullshit,” he mutters, still refusing to look up.

“Eddie, you can't let those idiots make you feel worthless. You've got more talent in your left pinky than Carver and his band of bullies have put together.” You declare, rather passionately at that. “These campaigns you come up with, do you know the imagination that takes? I-I also know you play the guitar a-and sing too. Plus those extra curricular activities of yours require a mathematical brain. That's already also more talent than I have.”

He glances up at you then. “Shut up. As if you actually think I'm more talented than you?” he disputes and jerks his head towards some of the drawings covering the walls. “No one I know could do that and I know I never told you, but my campaigns would be nothin' without your art, sweetheart.”

Although heat rushes to your face at the unexpected compliment, you don't let Eddie's kind words steer you off course. This wasn't about what he thought of you, this was about what you thought of him and, as it turns out, how badly you wanted him to know.

“My stupid brother won't shut up about how fucking cool you are,” you reveal, chewing briefly on the inside of your cheek. “He's never said anything remotely as nice about me.”

Eddie lets out an airy chuckle. He drops his hold on you, but he doesn't give you a moment to even register how you instantly miss his touch, how your hands are burning with invisible imprints of where his skin brushed yours. No, because he's pushing your legs apart with little to no effort and sliding in-between them.

“Well, I happen to think you're cooler than me.”

It's your turn to laugh while again choosing not to comment on his closeness and ignoring how it made you feel. Ignoring how your stomach fluttered as he pressed his legs to your sides, hands hovering near your face as if he debated whether he was crossing some sort of line.

“Right. Don't fuck with me, Munson.”

“Cross my heart,” the metalhead promises. “Why do you think I asked you to help me out in the first place? Why do you think I willingly spend most of my afternoons with you? Like, there's no need for us to do this together. I can come up with the campaigns on my own then share the concepts so you can draw them out.”

You swallow 'cause the thought has never crossed your mind.

Before Eddie approached you with the offer, your knowledge of Dungeons and Dragons was definitely limited, only privy to whatever your brother and his friends shared. When Eddie asked you to draw something that very first time, and every time after that, you didn't stop and think if it was really necessary for you two to sit together for hours on end, crafting and creating on opposite ends of the room. Now that he's mentioned it, you really didn't need to.

“I-I don't—”

“There's no cooler chick than you, sweetheart.” Eddie interrupts, hands now cupping your face, no longer hesitant, and you're left wondering when the topic shifted from a conversation about his talents to whatever this was shaping up to be.

“Eddie...”

“How Harrington can use you to make other girls jealous instead of realising he should just ask you out, I-I don't understand.” The sentence fades with each word until his voice is a low muffle and you're not entirely sure you heard him correctly.

But every fibre of your being is screaming, so you know he definitely said it. And the way his doe-eyes are glimmering, your own reflection prominent in the pretty brown, only cinches that feeling.

Your final mistake is not asking then and there what Eddie meant.

He stands shortly after and extends a hand to also help you up.

“Speaking of, is the King of Hawkins working right now?” Eddie asks and when you nod slowly, still recovering from the small bomb he's after dropping, he claps his hands together. “Let's go then. I'm thinking we can start with My Bloody Valentine and because you're providing the entertainment, I'll get us some snacks.”

thank you for reading!

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