#but i am proud of having achieved a completion of this task

[art-of-mathematics]

Showering the "biological spaceship" (body) is a high energy task of system maintenance.

#it's not een because I am depressed #but because overwhelm... #sensory issues #lava vs liquid nitrogen #no in-between #and the physical exhaustion... #taking a two hour hike is less exhausting to be honest #but i am proud of having achieved a completion of this task #lol #system maintenance #showering is difficult af #but feeling dirty and smelly is worse

[hightowered]

and you know i gotta say. the vast majority of the people losing their shit this weekend made it very clear that they do not understand the difference between "artists who want a measure of comfort in their lives" and "the billionaires actually being targeted by phrases like eat the rich." that is such a weird thing to be so proud to announce to the whole entire internet.

it's also extremely weird to behave as though any individual is entitled to an artist's work for free. or that the audience should be the final say in determining what an artist creates. there is a major difference between the betrayal of an artist who produces art and then banks on their social capital to engage in harmful, violent, bigoted behavior (like jk rowling) and the "betrayal" of an artist who decides that they should be or need to be compensated for their work. the latter isn't actually a betrayal at all. it's just a shift.

the thing is that the watcher boys didn't invent capitalism, they didn't invent the streaming model, they didn't invent youtube or patreon. they aren't getting 100% of the money from either. their merch doesn't magically appear as if made by elves while they sleep. their videos don't happen out of nowhere and without incurring bills. they have a business which employs people, and sure, you can say they employ too many people, but do they actually? a bunch of randos on the internet don't actually know that. they don't know these job titles, or how necessary it is to have everyone there. it's pure speculation. the entire company exists within a system they did not invent and are trying to stay afloat in said system while a bunch of assholes on the internet berate them for not acquiescing to their every whim at the expense of their artistic integrity, their ability to compensate their staff fairly, and their ability to keep making art.

and jumping from "i want to continue enjoying this artist's work for free" to "i think people should be fired and the remaining employees should be given greater responsibilities and more tasks to complete" is wild to me. there's nothing leftist in that and so trying to leverage leftist jargon to prove some sort of moral superiority is fucking wild, it's disingenuous, and it's sketchy as hell. you're allowed to be disappointed. you're not magically exempt from being told you're being an asshole if you decide your disappointment entitles you to take part in asshole behavior.

"but we don't want something heavily produced and we don't want these shows" then don't watch! that's it! don't watch! you are not being held hostage and forced to engage with this content. you have the choice not to. throwing a tantrum and launching racist vitriol at steven lim and demanding he step down as CEO shows a level of entitlement and childishness that, frankly, i wish they could have ignored, but they're both kinder & more patient than i am.

anyway congratulations to watcher on their new streaming service and their gorgeous new website, congratulations to the boys on a new step in their careers and on achieving something they've made clear they've wanted for ages, thank you to the boys for all their hard work and for sharing their creativity with us. thank you too for taking such a big and genuinely brave step to no longer be beholden to major corporations and advertisers so you can make the art you want to make. thank you to steven lim for taking so many steps back to keep the company running and for doing your best in a shit economy and while being targeted by this kind of nastiness online. and thank you to the entire team at @wearewatcher for continuing to do amazing work despite being treated like shit by the fan community at large on the internet while you're trying to make a living and create art. you all deserve better than you've been shown of late and i hate that such an exciting moment got overshadowed by so many temper tantrums.

because the whole fucking point, the dream, is getting to make the art that matters to them, without being held back. i'm sorry y'all don't want the heavily produced and high quality shit but your preferences as a member of an audience are not the law by which artists should abide. they are artists and they are free to, and deserve to, make the art they want to make.

#watcher #watcher entertainment #could this rollout have been handled better? sure! but for the love of god the way y'all have been reaching to demonize them #steven in particular #it's frankly pretty horrifying #like y'all actually behave that way? and are proud to have a record of it?

[earthgangs]

TODAY I RODE THE FUCKING BUS ALL BY MYSELF AND NOW I AM HOME

#dear diary #yes i am now that bitch please hold your applause #im so proud of myself!!!!! #after so many years of being dependent on my abuser and feeling incapable of even basic tasks i accomplished something completely on my own #and im so happy!!!! #this is such a huge achievement for me!! #especially because i have so much anxiety when going in public spaces #i am growing !! and slowly becoming more independent !!! and im so happy!!! #i could go anywhere now!!! #the sky is the limit!!! #im so happy

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Sebek Zigvolt - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Sebek: That pedestal there is a reproduction from the King of Beasts' bedchamber, and that teacup yonder is ceramic wear with a Queen of Hearts motif.

Sebek: Heheh… That's right, my preparatory research is completely perfect. With this, there shall be no opportunity for me to embarrass myself due to a lack of artistic knowledge.

Sebek: There is no way I can allow myself to appear unsightly now that I've been appointed a supporter of the Land of Dawning National Museum of Art.

???: Hm? What's with this green light in the middle of the painting…? Oh, it's just a bonfire flame.

???: Those fairies look like they're having a blast partyin' like that, I wonder if something good happened.

Sebek: How dare you claim them to be "partying." This is a painting depicting the Thorn Fairy's men extolling her grand exploits!

Ace: Ack, Sebek… Looks like I got caught by an annoying one. So what, you're tellin' me this painting's got something to do with the Thorn Fairy?

Sebek: Exactly. It is often said that these men were as proud of the Thorn Fairy's achievements as if it were their own, and would express their joy with their whole body and soul.

Sebek: Anyone should be able to infer how magnificent the Thorn Fairy was just from witnessing these men's unwavering loyalty.

Ace: Uh-huh, okay. Kinda just looks to me like they're just partyin', maybe masking it as a celebration for the Thorn Fairy.

Sebek: Don't you dare liken them to superficial humans like yourself. Each one of those fae that appear in this tale are all diligent folk.

Sebek: Back in my hometown there are many stories of the Thorn Fairy and other fae passed down for generations. We even have special functions held to emulate their greatness.

Ace: Sure. Can't see those functions as being anything other than boring, though, if it's attended by lame, "diligent" faes～

Sebek: Heh, curious, are you? One such event that has been around for a long while now is a dress color changing competition. Whosoever is able to magically dye the dress to the color closest to the provided example is the victor.

Ace: Ugh, that pisses me off that it's actually kinda cool-soundin'…

Ace: But I guess the whole having to use magic for it just shows it really is an event in the fae-rich lands of Briar Valley.

Sebek: …In my youth, my elder brother and sister took me to witness one such competition and I was struck with amazement.

Sebek: I was completely taken in by everyone's astounding magical prowess to turn a dress vivid blue or pink in the blink of an eye…

Sebek: I remember how excited I was to learn magic as soon as possible so I may also take part in this contest.

Ace: Guess even you have adorable moments. So, what place in the competition did you get once your long-awaited magic finally manifested?

Sebek: Don't be absurd. Color changing magic is a course of study that human mages only learn in their courses at an arcane academy.

Sebek: This was merely something I found enchanting as a mere child. Obviously I would not take part in such a contest now.

Ace: You suuure? Sounds pretty fun to me. Oh hey, then how about you and me have our own little contest with color changing magic back at my dorm sometime.

Sebek: Why would I set foot in Heartslabyul…? Wait.

Sebek: Surely I am mistaken, but… Were you intending on shoving your rose-dying tasks onto my shoulders?

Ace: No way, I wasn't saying that at all! C'mon, don't you think it'd be a great little competition to have with a fellow freshman?

Sebek: Your excuses will not work on me! I know for a fact that you constantly complain over having to paint the roses.

Sebek: The only contest I had any interest in attempting was the dress color changing competition in Briary Valley. Do the tasks assigned to you on your own!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Ace: Oh hey, I know this one. It's a painting of a girl and some talking flowers.

Sebek: According to the legends, the flowers native to the country the Queen of Hearts' presided over had the ability to speak.

Sebek: Who would have thought that the flowers cultivated there would be able to speak or sing as such. I'm sure it was disturbingly loud in the Queen's country.

Ace: Sure, probably. But hey, probably a lot less loud than your voice can get.

Sebek: …Perhaps if you were to cease your own impudent retorts, I wouldn't have a need to raise my voice.

Ace: Reeeaaally, you think? 'Cause to me it feels like you're always angry about something.

Sebek: Of course not. I simply find the uncouth antics of you humans to be utterly aggravating.

Sebek: I know there is a time and place for everything. I myself would never do something as rude as to throw a damper on enthusiastic festivities.

Sebek: In fact, I attended a performance at a live music club just the other day and I did not chide the audience for their overjoyed shouting one bit.

Ace: …Eh. What did you just say? YOU WENT TO SEE A LIVE MUSIC PERFORMANCE!!!???

Sebek: Why would you react as such?

Ace: I mean, come on, didn't strike you as someone who'd go to something like that. So, like, what was the live show you went to go see?

Sebek: My latest venture brought me to attend a small show that showcased a collaboration between bands that primarily performed heavy metal music.

Sebek: This was all due to Lilia-sama, who imparted on me that this was the best way to train my imagination, and that listening to live music is an important part of life.

Ace: Aaah, that makes sense now. But hey, do you even listen to heavy metal?

Ace: I mean sure, you can kinda get into it once you're at the concert even if you don't know the songs, but if you don't even like that kinda stuff in the first place, ain't it tough to actually take in?

Sebek: "Get into it once you're at the concert"? Don't liken me to someone like you. Of course I went to the show after doing my due diligence in research.

Sebek: If I were to attend the show without a full understand of what I am to partake in, it would be an absolute disservice to Lilia-sama's recommendation.

Sebek: I studied everything from the exact times the music club opened their doors and how the audience would be filed into the venue, to the established rules on refreshments, to the proper cheering behavior utilized by the crowd near the front of the house…

Sebek: I believe it is called a "mosh pit." Prior to attending the performance, I made sure to carve into my body and soul the different techniques and proper etiquette as well.

Sebek: On that day, I purport that I banged my head back and forth much harder than anyone else there, shouting and cheering alongside them.

Ace: Don't think I've ever heard of someone practicing to mosh before. But I guess it sounds like you had a pretty fun time, though.

Sebek: Indeed. Although, I did run into slight trouble.

Ace: Huh, what kind of trouble? Cause some mischief, did ya?

Sebek: Absolutely not! I'm not sure if they lost their footing during the show or what, but the performer fell forward towards the audience.

Sebek: I immediately caught the performer and returned them to the stage. After that, the show continued smoothly until the end.

Ace: PFFT! You seriously returned the performer to the stage!?

Sebek: Obviously. I could not allow this concert that Lilia-sama had recommended to me be cancelled merely because the performer had become injured!

Ace: Bwahahaha! Looks like all that prepping you went through didn't help at all. All they wanted to do was stage dive, too.

Sebek: A stage dive…? Hold on now, don't tell me that was part of the performance!?

Sebek: I suppose the performer did look rather stunned when I returned them to the stage… Ghurk, what a blunder…!

Ace: Oh man, that's so hilarious. Wish I was there to see it. Hey, let's hit up a show together next time.

Sebek: SHUT IT! WHO WOULD EVER GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU!?

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Sebek: This is a painting of the hyenas who served the King of Beasts, I see. Their countenance depicts an atmosphere overflowing with trust from their liege and confidence in their own abilities.

Ace: Yeah? To me it just looks like they're up to something.

Sebek: Isn't that due to your own wily tendencies?

Sebek: I have seen you multiple times in locations outside the gymnasium during what should be basketball club hours.

Ace: Hey, it's not like I'm slacking off or anything. C'mon, I'm a freshman, right? Sometimes I get saddled with odd jobs from the upperclassmen.

Ace: But, man… Sometimes I do want to skip morning lessons on cold days. Hey, aren't there times you don't want to get out of bed when it's way too cold out, too?

Sebek: It's true that back home it has happened that I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. However, that was not because I wished to skip my training!

Ace: W-Woah, really? I thought you woulda hit me back with another "Don't liken me to you!" or something.

Sebek: I could not help it. I was thoroughly chilled to the bone that morning. It was so cold that there were numerous icicles dangling from our roof, as well.

Sebek: I did not even wish to fathom the temperature outside, but… I somehow forced myself out of bed to begin my morning training.

Sebek: Perhaps it was due to not having slept well, but I could feel my eyelids start to droop. So I decided then to attempt to wake myself up further with the bitter taste of coffee.

Sebek: I swallowed down the strong black coffee and believed myself ready to go. But that was the last thing I remembered.

Sebek: I ended up falling back asleep on the couch and when I finally woke up, it was past noon… An absolute blunder. This is a blot that I will carry with me forever.

Ace: Hey now, that's pretty normal, c'mon. Pretty steep to say you'll carry that forever.

Sebek: No, you are just weak-willed. I, however, strived through trials and tribulations to overcome the bitter cold of mornings and finally found "that" thing.

Ace: What're you acting so pompous about now?

Sebek: Heh, of course you'd be curious. I suppose I can tell you. The thing I am talking about is… A HOT WATER BOTTLE!

Ace: A hot water bottle…? You're seriously using a hot water bottle? Even in this day and age when we have air conditioners and heaters!?

Sebek: Do you seriously not understand? That thing is a fantastic item that warms your entire body without fear of causing a fire or desiccation.

Sebek: Cold winter nights not only diminishes my ability to fall asleep, but also affects the quality of sleep I am able to get. In turn, that makes it difficult to rise from bed…

Sebek: However, a simple hot water bottle prepared at bedtime can warm my body and lull me to sleep even in the coldest winters!

Sebek: The temperature can even be easily adjusted by wrapping it in a towel, or adding water to the bottle. A very convenient item.

Ace: Huh, interesting. I mean, sure, it might not use electricity, but I'm surprised you're using a "human" item.

Sebek: I received this hot water bottle from my father. Back when he had just arrived in Briar Valley, it apparently was very useful in keeping him warm even without magic.

Ace: Oh, so it's a hand-me-down, huh. And here I thought I'd get to hear another hilarious story or something～

Ace: Since it sounds like there ain't gonna be a punchline anymore, I think I'll go check out the shop. Byeee―

Sebek: YOU ASKED THE QUESTION, HEAR ME OUT UNTIL THE END! Good grief, I can't stand that human. …Hm?

Sebek: This is… A painting depicting a the human chattering along with animals. I've read this story in a book my grandfather gifted me.

Sebek: This young lady speaks of her dreams to these critters… Does she truly believe that her wish will come true without any effort on her part? What a lazy creature.

Requested by Anonymous.

#twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #ace trappola #twst sebek #twst ace #twst translation #twst birthday #mention: lilia #mention: baur

[shoosiopao]

🍞 lately ...

recently, i've been trying to avoid digitally keeping track of my productivity. it's quite a difficult thing for me to tackle, as i've been heavily relying on my devices for pretty much everything! gradually, i will be moving more towards non-digital methods, such as traditional journals and planners.

the most distracting thing that i am aiming to tackle is my reliance on my phone. my screentime has been crazy and i'm not proud of it, considering that most of that time was social media. due to this, i am going to start using my phone as a tool; to transform its purpose from just being a distraction to being used to make productivity an easier process. it will be a difficult transition, so i don't expect myself to achieve this goal overnight. instead, i will take specific steps towards this goal. as of lately, i've been deleting instagram when i find myself getting looped up in the algorithm. i am aiming to get to a point where i can delete the app and only download it once a day to check any messages, then delete it again. i still use it for communication with friends and family, so i don't see myself deleting it permanently any time soon.

in general, i've also just been trying to avoid digital methods of productivity! it's not as big of a priority as avoiding my phone, but so far, i think i'm doing well! i have learned that if you write your goals down on paper, you will feel more inclined to work towards it, so i've been using my planner and journal recently! i used to use todomate for my daily todos, but i found that i am more successful when i actually write my tasks down on paper. i still use notion and google sheets on my laptop, but not as much as i used to. setting my goals on notion didn't help me much since i would rarely ever read them again. so now, i use notion as a kind of a database (?) for my ideas. i might explain more about it in a future post! as for google sheets, i've been using it to make trackers for myself. for example, i used to use yeolpumta to keep track of my study time but i eventually found it to be inconvenient because of how frequently i would have to unlock my phone to start and stop the timer. now, i just keep track of how many pomodoro sessions i complete, then record it on my google sheet tracker at the end of the day. this way, i am able to put my phone out of sight and out of mind!

lastly, i have been using google calendar for time blocking. but i have realized that i often don't commit to my schedule, so i am wondering if time blocking in my planner might be better. i might try it out soon! i want to make a big post before the start of the next quarter about some productivity tips, so i'll be testing different methods and report on what works for me!

#☁️ shoosiopao archive #☁️ shoosiopao studies #productivity #student life #aesthetic #studyblr #studying #college life #college student #college #student #study #studies #library #study room #study space #study spot #academia #academics #study aesthetic #why is it so hard to edit the text on mobile #maybe i will also start using tumblr on my laptop only🤣

[genshin-impact-writings]

The Abyss Prince: Ch.3

(Kaeya x gn!KOF!reader)

Synopsis: Kaeya and you have been dating for a while now and you both honestly couldn't be happier with each other - until Jean sends you on a mission that reveals Kaeya's deepest secret. And you learn that a dark past and your unwavering sense of duty could be enough to destroy a relationship that has always been too good to be true.

Chapter summary: Jean has a mission for both of you. The premise doesn’t seem too complicated, so Kaeya and you take over the task without hesitation.

Word count: ~3.6k

The masterlist for the series can be found in the navigation post on my blog.

Ch.3 - Fading Light

Times were quiet in Mondstadt these days. No unusual activities from the Abyss Order, no incidents with the Treasure Hoarders or the Hilichurl camps that had sprung up like mushrooms in the past. Everything was so peaceful that some of the Knights had already started to joke about being completely useless.

You, on the other hand, enjoyed the unexpected reprieve. In the past, when the Abyss Order had still been active around Mondstadt, you barely had any time to catch a break, and it was a nice change to finally have enough time for everything that didn’t involve work. (And getting to spend more time with Kaeya really was the icing on the cake.)

Unfortunately, the shortage of missions and tasks also meant that you couldn’t use them as an excuse to avoid meeting up with your mother.

“Celestia above, I can’t believe I actually forgot how exhausting meetings with your darling mother can be,” Kaeya sighed as soon as you left Good Hunter where you had met your mother for breakfast this morning. Your father, albeit invited too, had stayed at home due to his health, and so you got your breakfast and your morning coffee served with tons of unsolicited advice and annoying questions about your career plans.

“You say that when we both know that she was actually trying to be nice today,” you said, “which was only thanks to you, by the way. If it had been only me and her on that table you can bet she would’ve told me to finally get a grip and ask Eula for a promotion.”

“I just don’t understand why she refuses to acknowledge everything you achieved so far. You already are second in command after Eula. What else does your mother expect?”

You shrugged. “I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t even be satisfied if I were the Captain of my own company. You know her standards are ridiculously high when it comes to me. Nothing I do will ever be good enough for her.”

“Don’t let her bring you down,” Kaeya said, stopping in his tracks to pull you in for a kiss that lasted just a second longer than others would have deemed appropriate. “We both know how skilled and capable you are. And, just for the record, I am incredibly proud of you. You’re doing a great job.”

Almost immediately, you felt heat rising to your cheeks, just like always when Kaeya praised you or your work. You were so used to getting constantly criticized by your mother that receiving compliments always overwhelmed you to a point where you had absolutely no idea how to react.

You turned your head away in a miserable attempt to hide how self-conscious his words made you feel, only for him to place his hand under your chin, gently forcing you to look at him. “Hey,” he said softly, “I really mean that.”

“Thank you,” you mumbled sheepishly.

It wasn’t that you didn’t believe that you did a great job as a Knight. No, you knew exactly how valuable your work was for both the Knights and Mondstadt – but hearing that from others would always make you feel awkward. Maybe that would be different if your parents had told you that they were proud of you when you grew up – but they hadn’t, not even once. Instead, they just had urged you to work harder because “stagnation is nothing but a waste of time”, as your father had told you a couple of years ago. Funny how his words still stuck with you after all this time.

Kaeya leaned in to press his lips to your cheek. “You know I’m only telling the truth, sweetheart.”

By the Archons, he really knew how to make you melt on the spot.

“It’s rare that we get the same days off,” Kaeya continued, not bothering to wait for your reply – probably because he knew that you were still at loss for words. “We should do something fun, no?”

“Do you have something in mind?”

“No. But the weather is nice and the day only started, so why sit around at home all day?” With a smile, Kaeya offered you his arm. “We haven’t been at Windrise in a while now.”

Windrise. The place where it all had started.

You smiled back at him, linking your arm with his. “Let’s go, then.”

Neither of you paid attention to the clouds that had started to gather at the horizon and the thunder rumbling in the distance.

---

Near the end of the day, Jean called you and Kaeya into her office. Right before you entered the headquarters of the Knights of Favonius, a raindrop landed on the tip of your nose. You looked up at the dark and heavy storm clouds looming over Mondstadt like an ominous celestial being, ready to swallow the city and its people entirely in just the blink of an eye.

A shiver ran down your spine.

This wasn’t a good sign, was it?

Next to you, Kaeya’s attention had shifted to the sky, too. “Looks like a storm is brewing,” he said, reaching out to open the door to the building, “come on, let’s get inside before it starts pouring down.”

Little did you know that the gloomy atmosphere somehow made him nervous, too.

---

“We received news that a couple of merchants have disappeared under mysterious circumstances over the past few days,” Jean said and motioned waved you nearer, so you were able to get a better look at the map in front of her. “Reports said that they were last seen here, here and here,” she pointed at the path through Stone Gate that connected Mondstadt’s and Liyue’s most popular trade route, then at the road between Dawn Winery and Springvale and finally at Windrise, “but unfortunately, we don’t have any eyewitnesses at this point. So, we can’t say for certain what happened to them.”

“Could the Abyss Order be behind this?” you asked. It wouldn’t be the first time that they pulled a stunt like this to distract the Knight’s attention from their other schemes and plans. But Jean shook her head. “So far we have no reason to believe that this is their doing. In fact, the Abyss Order has been pretty quiet recently. I assume they are currently cursing turmoil in one of the other seven nations.”

Kaeya frowned, a pensive expression on his face. “It’s rather unusual for the Abyss Order to give up like that, don’t you think? Just a few months ago we constantly had to deal with their shenanigans. I actually find it hard to believe that all of a sudden they just stop bothering us.”

“I understand where you’re coming from, Kaeya,” Jean replied, “but right now, we don’t have any hints that point towards the Abyss Order. If you ask me, it’s more likely that the Treasure Hoarders are involved in the matter, given the fact that the main targets are merchants from all over Teyvat. Their cargo surely was worth a significant amount of Mora.”

Kaeya had to admit that the Acting Grand Master had a point there. The Abyss Order had no reason to attack and kidnap merchants. But at the same time, he couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that had been building up in him ever since he stepped into Jean’s office today. Something was off about the entire situation, he knew it – he just couldn’t figure out what. Not yet, at least.

“I need you both to investigate this issue further,” Jean continued, snapping Kaeya out of his thoughts. “I know you two are capable of defending yourself, should it be necessary. But right now, your orders are investigating, not interfering. I have already informed Eula about your new mission, (Y/N). She agreed that you’re well-suited for the job.”

“We won’t disappoint you, Acting Grand Master,” you replied formally. “Leave this to us.”

“Thank you. Please inform me as soon as you get new information on this matter.”

“Of course,” Kaeya said. Then, he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the office. “This is the first time Jean assigns a mission to both of us,” he said with a grin as soon as he had closed the door behind you. “And such an easy one, too.”

“People are disappearing, Kaeya. This is serious.”

“Ah, I know. But if this is really the Treasure Hoarders’ doing, we should be able to solve this case pretty quickly. They’re not overly skilled when it comes to covering their tracks.”

You sighed. “That much is true. But we still shouldn’t be so casual about it… there might be something more to all of this that we don’t know about yet. We need to come up with a plan.”

“The ever so dutiful field officer,” Kaeya said but the smile that played around the corners of his mouth took the edge off his words completely. “Alright, here’s my proposal, then: We can discuss the plan over a drink at Angel’s Share – my treat, of course – and maybe ask Diluc if he’s heard something about the disappearing merchants. And once we’re done with that, we’ll go home and don’t talk about work until tomorrow morning,” he continued and when he noticed you were about to open your mouth to contradict him, quickly added, “we can’t be on duty 24/7, sweetheart. That’s not healthy.”

“But we need to figure out what happened to these merchants as soon as possible.”

Kaeya stopped in his tracks, turning around to face you. With a serious expression on his face, he placed his hands on your shoulders. “And we will do just that. But no matter what we do, we won’t be able to solve this issue today. We can only figure out a way to gather more information, then decide what to do next. It won’t help the merchants if we rush things and overwork ourselves. No talking back, (Y/N), you know I’m right.”

“But-“

He cut you off with a quick peck to your lips. “No.”

---

Angel’s Share was as busy as ever at this time of the day. Familiar faces had gathered around the tables, chattering and laughing while they enjoyed their drinks, while others were standing awkwardly near the entrance, probably because they had only entered to seek shelter from the storm.

Even over all the noise that surrounded you in the tavern, Kaeya could hear the howling of the wind outside, mixed in with the pattering of the rain and the rolling thunder. It was rare that Mondstadt experienced weather like this. But at the end of the day, even the worst storm would pass, Kaeya knew that from experience. Still, the room was buzzing with a wild mixture of emotions, from uneasiness through to annoyance and even straight up fear.

“We should try to find Diluc,” you said, interrupting Kaeya’s thoughts, “and then hurry to get back home. I don’t feel too comfortable here when it’s crowded like that.”

“You can hold my hand, so that you don’t get lost,” Kaeya offered, only half-joking. He would never brush off your concerns, especially not when you voiced them as clearly as you just had. Without waiting for your answer, he intertwined your fingers with his, gently squeezing your hand. “Don’t worry,” he reassured you softly. “I’m here.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his actions. “Thank you. You’re the sweetest.”

“Oh, trust me, sweetheart, I know.”

You stayed close to Kaeya as he dug his way through the crowd, apologizing every time he had to squeeze past someone, until you finally reached the bar. With a sigh of relief, you leaned against the wooden frame. “Finally.”

“Good evening, Charles,” Kaeya greeted the bartender. “This might be an unusual request coming from me but is there any chance Master Diluc is here tonight? We need to see him on an urgent matter.”

Charles raised his eyebrows. “He’s busy with clearing the tables. But I can fetch him if it’s so important.”

“No need,” a voice behind you replied. “I’m here.”

“Well, hello there,” Kaeya replied, darting a glance at the fully laden tray in Diluc’s hands, “I see you’re busy, and I really hate to disturb you on a busy evening like this but do you think you could still spare a minute for us?”

“Depends. If you’re just here to annoy me, then the answer is no.”

“You hurt me, Master Diluc,” Kaeya replied, voice dripping with fake offense, “do you really think that lowly of me?”

Diluc rolled his eyes. “Just get to the point.”

“Stop arguing, both of you,” you scolded them, softly. You really didn’t understand why they couldn’t act more civilized around each other. Albeit being friends with Diluc for years now, you had never asked him what had led to their estrangement, partly because you knew him well enough to realize that he didn’t want to talk about it, partly because you didn’t want to know – even more so since you had started dating Kaeya. What had happened between them was their business, not yours. But still you wished they would stop bickering every time they met each other.

“This is neither the right time nor the right place to raise a quarrel,” you added. “There are far more important matters we should focus on right now. Diluc, we actually came here to ask you something.”

“Although I doubt you’ll be able to help us with that, Master Diluc,” Kaeya chimed in, smiling innocently. You darted a glance at your boyfriend and nudged him with your elbow. “What did I just say? Be nice.”

Kaeya sighed dramatically. “Fine. For you, I’ll try.”

Diluc huffed. “You know, it usually doesn’t surprise me when the Knights come to me for help when they can’t solve their problems on their own. But I have to admit that I haven’t expected both of you to do that, too.”

“The Acting Grandmaster assigned a mission to us and I honestly don’t know where to start the investigation on the matter,” you explained vaguely, ignoring the subtle shade against the Knights. Though Jean hadn’t exactly told you not to talk about the missing merchants, you didn’t want to go into detail here, not with that many people around who were always curious about the Knights’ doings.

“Perhaps we should discuss this in private,” Diluc suggested.

You nodded. So, he had noticed too how the people around you were trying to eavesdrop on your conversation. “Yes, I think that would be a good idea.”

“Second floor,” Diluc said. “I’ll prepare your drinks and meet you there. What would you like?”

“Apple Cider for me,” you said.

Kaeya shrugged. “Since this is kind of an official matter and I probably should remain sober for the duration of our conversation, I’ll just have a cup of coffee, if you’d be so kind, Master Diluc.”

Diluc remained silent, although you were pretty sure he was just biting back another remark for your sake. “Go on, take a seat. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Obediently, you made your way to the stairs, leaving behind the noisy crowd as you reached the second floor that was completely empty, even on a busy night like this. Probably because the bar was too far away, you mused while picking a table that was as far away from the stairs as possible, just in case someone wanted to eavesdrop.

Only a few minutes passed until Diluc joined you. He placed the tray on the table and took a seat across from you. “Now, enlighten me. What is all of this about?”

“I’m sure you already know that a couple of merchants have disappeared under mysterious circumstances,” you said after taking a sip from your drink. “And it’s our job to figure out what happened to them. So, we – or rather, Kaeya – figured we’d ask if you have any more information about this.”

“Yes, I heard about that,” Diluc said with a frown. “But what is going on here doesn’t seem to be connected to the Abyss Order in any way, so I have to admit I didn’t investigate this further. I also assumed it would fall under the Knights’ responsibilities.”

You sighed. “What a pity. I really hoped you could give us some clues because I have no idea where to start the investigation. Everything is just really vague at this point.”

“It is, indeed. I checked the spots where the merchants went missing but there weren’t many traces, except a faint elemental trail at Windrise. I assume that either one of the merchants or whoever attacked them used a vision during that encounter. I know it’s not much of a hint but perhaps you would like to investigate the area yourself.”

“I just hope the rain won’t wash away all of the traces and evidence that might still be there,” Kaeya said and shook his head when another clap of thunder cut through the noise that echoed from the ground and first floor of the tavern, “this weather truly is unfortunate.”

“But thank you anyway, Diluc,” you added.

Diluc nodded and pushed his chair back. “If that’s all, please excuse me. I should get back downstairs to help Charles. He’s a good bartender but not even he can deal with that amount of customers on his own,” he said, and with an apologetic expression, he added, “I’m sorry I can’t provide more information. But if there’s anything I can do to help you with that matter, let me know. I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you. Really.”

“Don’t mention it. Let’s just hope you’ll find these merchants soon – and alive, at best.”

---

That night, a familiar nightmare haunted Kaeya’s sleep. He saw a dark creature, only vaguely resembling a human being, hovering over a basin filled with blood while a choir of inhuman sounding voices repeated a chant in a foreign language over and over again. There were no stars in the sky and no moon, and yet, a cold light illuminated the scene, giving everything an almost icy and menacing glow. The chants grew louder, more impatient, and then, all of a sudden, they stopped.

And Kaeya awoke covered in cold sweat. His heart was racing, as well as his thoughts, as he stared into the darkness of his bedroom, trying to steady his breathing. Goodness, he didn’t experience that nightmare in years now, and he had forgotten how scary and creepy it was. As a child, and even as a teenager later, he had believed that the dream was the result of researching too much about Khaen’riah and the things that had ultimately led to the kingdom’s destruction but now, years later, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Maybe it was some kind of sign, a warning of an approaching disaster, much like the storm Mondstadt that was still howling outside.

And maybe Kaeya was just an idiot who still had a tendency to overanalyze things that had nothing to do with each other.

Seriously, though. He had no reason to believe that his nightmare was related to any real life events, especially since it had changed and evolved over the years. The chanting, for example, was new, as well as the blood-filled basin. And as far as he knew, he hadn’t been blessed (or cursed) with the gift of foresight, so there was absolutely no way that this was more than just a really creepy dream, something his troubled subconsciousness had made up to process the recent events as well as the thoughts and worries that usually kept him awake at night.

With a quiet sigh, he lay back down, although he knew very well that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.

---

“This was nothing but a waste of time,” you sighed as you left Jean’s office after reporting back to the Acting Grand Master. Kaeya and you had spent the majority of the day investigating the areas where the merchants had disappeared but as Kaeya had feared the evening before, the rain had destroyed all evidence that had still been there.

“I’m sorry,” Kaeya said, “I know you really hoped to find something.”

“It’s so frustrating that we’re back to square one. For all we know, these merchants could be dead already. I just hate being so helpless.”

Kaeya stopped in his tracks, grabbing you by the wrist to hold you back. His gaze was soft as he cupped your cheek with his other hand, brushing his thumb against your skin. “We will figure out what happened. And then we will stop whoever is behind all of this.”

A smile flashed over your face, and you turned your head to press a kiss to his palm. “I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

Your reply died on your tongue when the door to Jean’s office flung open behind you. The Acting Grand Master who had been so composed and calm just a few minutes ago now seemed to be completely distraught. In her hands, she held a letter. “Another person has disappeared,” she explained, her voice shaking ever so slightly, “on the road that leads to Springvale. And this time, they found blood.”

Kaeya and you exchanged a look.

“Let’s go.”

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it please consider giving me some feedback and/or reblogging this chapter. I'd really appreciate the support!

Taglist: @kaeyas-beloved @the-gayest-sky-kid @justrandomselfships @the-fifteen @caesars-bubbles @ajaxstar @quixoticmirror (If you want to be added to the taglist send me an ask. Same if you want to be removed. <3)

#kaeya alberich x reader #kaeya alberich x you #genshin impact x reader #kaeya x reader #the abyss prince #jj's series #genshin impact imagine #gn!reader #gender neutral reader #reader insert

[kittykittyhunter]

The Close

On Friday 12 March 2004, I made an account on fanfiction.net and used the nickname kittykittyhunter for the very first time.

ff.net was the first place where I ‘existed’ online.  I uploaded a fanfic the same day I joined – a poem about Dark Magician Girl from Yu-Gi-Oh! – but later deleted it out of embarrassment.  Over the years, I went on to upload and delete a fair few works for similar reasons: a sense of awkwardness over my earnestness, recognising too many gaping holes in my writing and just… pruning my account when I failed to finish multi-chap stories.  I made some wonderful friends through the site, one of whom remains a precious presence in my life.

Now, my ff.net is an archive my stories for The Prince of Tennis (the ones featuring the Echizen family, anuway). I’m happy with it staying like that. Then, sometime in 2006, I joined deviantART:

dA taught me a lot about writing.  Suddenly, I was exposed to extremely talented and versatile writers; I understood what it meant to be part of writing communities and give meaningful feedback.  (I utilised these skills during writing workshops at university several years later – by that point, it was natural for me to pinpoint, celebrate and help to refine aspects of a piece.) Only one of my deviations is still visible; I placed the others in storage mostly, once again, due to feeling embarrassed by my earnestness and skill level.  Nevertheless, I am proud of what I achieved on the site – I received through two Daily Deviations, features that were largely coveted in the writing community (I know that I wanted one for years!), and the attention that those works got gave me the confidence to think that yes, perhaps I was a decent writer, perhaps it was not a mistake to think that I might publish books someday. I certainly fell short on some fronts on dA... however, I think it may be time to forgive myself and perhaps, one day, I can make amends. The most important habit that deviantART inspired in me was this:

A few people I looked up to had a saying: “Comments over faves.”  Written feedback meant much, much more than simply pressing the little star-shaped 'Favourite' button – and that’s something I carried across to tumblr, to some extent.  I use replies pretty liberally here, talking to people who may not want to hear from a complete stranger.  Even so, I definitely want to get better at tagging the artwork I reblog – I know there’s nothing like reading an explosion of feelings under your work. Once again, I met some incredible friends through deviantART.  I’ve had the wonderful privilege of being able to meet some of my online friends in real life.  It’s a very special feeling to be able to embrace someone you’ve lovingly sent texts, emails and letters to.

Then, on Sunday 30 January 2011, my friend succeeded in persuading me to make a tumblr account.  I suppose that I didn’t really know what to expect from tumblr; however, I fell for the site quickly and now, I can’t imagine having an online presence on any other social media platform, even with the various issues tumblr has had during recent months. I accidentally deleted my original blog in 2020.  I lost approximately 36,000 posts.  I oscillated between feeling distraught and relieved; I despaired at losing a lot of memories and work but, at the same time, was grateful that this meant I wouldn’t subject myself to the laborious task of going through the entirety of my archive and re-tagging my posts for uniformity.  I can be ridiculously pedantic about things like that – so it was good that the option was taken from me. I still haven’t quite connected with the writing communities on tumblr – but I know that there are a lot of skilled writers here. There are a few authors I deeply admire; I would love to get to know them.

Bizarrely, I joined AO3 on Thursday 12 March 2020 – exactly 16 years after I’d joined ff.net. AO3… I had a lot of plans for this site (including a fanfic list as long as my arm) but, somehow, I could never really warm to the layout… I’m a real elitist and have issues with using/joining sites that are ‘ugly’.  And, while I’ve received some comments on AO3, it is largely a pretty quiet and passive experience – readers come and go and leave a fly-by kudos and, as a writer, that’s not so satisfying. I'm not inspired to upload work there. I might still post the occasional fic (though I’d prefer to spend my time writing original works, sometimes, the allure of fanfiction is pretty powerful), but it won’t be through AO3 – and it won’t be under the moniker of kittykittyhunter. It’s been 20 years.  20 years of brilliant memories and friendships – 20 years where I’ve learnt a lot about myself, others and the world at large.  But I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve decided that it is time to retire kittykittyhunter.  Ultimately, I think want people to associate KKH with the writing that I’ve shared online up until now, so this blog, too, will be an archive of my poetry and prose. It feels strange.  Surreal.  I’ve associated myself with the name kittykittyhunter for so long that it seems as though I’m losing something momentous – like the process of reinventing myself, this time, will be far more arduous than it has been in the past.  I don’t know what kind of reception I will get.  Yet, over the years, I’ve also come to align myself with the phoenix – one who reemerges, again and again, stronger and brighter. My blog icon comes from the Yu-Gi-Oh! card ‘A Feather of the Phoenix’. Isn't it funny that these things are so cyclical? I pray that a good path is meant for me. Thank you to everyone who has been with me up until now: your love and generosity has meant the world.

#kitana talks #blog summary #kkh: 2004-2024

[nymph-at-versailles]

My Experience as a Prom Planner: "Last night was like the ending of Carrie, if instead of pigs blood, Carrie just got to be prom queen." - What will she do with all the doubt she still carries after the party end?

July 2024

I had my prom yesterday, what made it special is that I was in charge of planning the event myself. A quick side-note: ever since my break up last year I’ve convinced myself that I hate people and don’t need them. Yet despite this initial angst, I find that I try with all my might to make the people around me happy and I still give so much love to those I adore. Showing this mentality was utterly false and naïve.

Prom was a conflicting event for me, there was no glitz and glam, pre-prom or post-prom for me, this was my last chance to prove myself to a tiny world of mostly privileged teenagers I've known since i was 7. For me the success of this event was life or death (spiritually), the happiness of proms participants was a quantitative measure of my own worth. How...terrifyingly insignificant the stakes were.

Prom came and I could finally reap the benefits of my hard labour.

...The most absurd night occurred:

People who’ve bullied me over the course of my school career gave me hugs, telling me how beautiful I was. Boys who broke my heart looked at me as if Aphrodite blessed me. People who were too pretty for me told me how much they appreciate me. A perfect end to a coming of age film.

Yet the credits haven’t rolled and I’m still going.

Still breathing.

I didn’t think I’d make it to 18, I thought this was the end of the frontier. My teenage Magnum Opus <3. Yet I wake up and slowly come to the realisation that life continues another day. I don’t know if I’m happy about that yet, like Sisyphus I have to start again.

My reflection 7 Months later

Reflecting upon that experience almost 7 months since my Prom in July I see a very broken girl. She feared her life purpose was fulfilled before she'd even properly lived. I am proud of what that broken girl achieved, but I look down upon her mindset. A self-fulfilling prophecy of "woe is me" and a heavy reliance of the "I'm not like other girls" mindset. I had forcibly isolated myself emotionally with my peers, but true admiration and love for some of them shone through that persona and I couldn't help but to care for all these people I had grown up with. I derived enjoyment from planning the prom, from the praise, but it took everything I had. It took reinvention in order to complete a task I saw as monumental, but look back and see as menial.

I was told that at university no one will care about who you were or what you did, just who you are now presently. That is painfully true. As much as I would love to gloat to my new peers that I have proved my worthiness before getting a degree, it is unbecoming and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. In the mindset of Robert Greene, I have mastered the art of planning a prom, great...time to move onto the next task.

I have been forced to adopt the task of Sisyphus, I will continue to push this boulder up the mountain to prove my worth, to master something that has more meaning to the world around me. I do not know how that will manifest, but I look optimistically to the top of this unforgiving mountain. all the obstacles I will face, all the times I will want to give up, but the chance of success is too sweet not to reach.

I stretch my whole body, crack my neck, I do a few jumps to make myself limber and I look towards the sky where the mountain lies. I prepare to push the boulder once more, I smile, as I have been given another opportunity to prove myself.

#prom #prom planning #teenage angst #hell is a teenage girl #myth of sisyphus #albert camus #I decided to have a sisyphus lens by the end of this #think piece #carrie #event planning #what is my purpose #I hope this does not come across as self-gratifying or ungrateful #I am thankful for the opportunities I had planning this event #but it does not stop feelings of inadequacy #thank you for coming to my ted talk #sisyphus #robert greene #mastery #I like to think i mastered the art of party planning #you may laugh but i take my clowning very seriously #philosophy #meaning #growth #reflection #coquette #hyper feminine

[louisesloveletters]

Letter #8: Sit back, relax, and let God do the rest.

“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”‭‭ -Jeremiah‬ ‭31‬:‭25‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The world we live in today has led us to believe that tasting success requires relentless hard work and aggressive pursuit of our dreams. While this formula works for some, it doesn’t always bring fulfillment and joy.

Many people face burnout, anxiety, stress, and depression despite their achievements. Why? Because they struggle to rest and let go of things beyond their control. Humans are often obsessed with maintaining control over their lives.

For instance, when I worked as a freelance copywriter, I’d finish assignments early, driven by a desire to get things done. Despite loving writing, my dream became a source of burnout and stress. It no longer brought happiness and motivation; it became just a job. I lost touch with myself and the initial dream.

God extended His mercy, saying, “Take a rest, my child.” I had forgotten to be gentle with myself and grateful for what I had. Focused on completing tasks and earning, I lost sight of the original vision – to be a good writer and enjoy what I am doing.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” -John‬ ‭14‬:‭27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

God is so good that He always reminds us to take care of ourselves and to live the life He has given us to the fullest. His definition of living life is far different from what our world teaches us. He doesn’t scold us, yell at us, pressure us or shame us for not doing everything. He just wants us to do what we can do and trust Him to cover the rest of what we can’t do. His love for us is so unconditional that it gives us peace we cannot fathom. The kind of peace this world can never provide us.

I hope you have this confidence that no matter how stressful your day gets or how hard your work life is, God’s got you. You don’t have to work your ass off every time, because He will provide everything you need. You just have to trust Him.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” -Isaiah‬ ‭40‬:‭28‬-‭31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

If you have a tough week, don’t worry, God will give you rest. Take this sweet time to appreciate your wins this week, no matter how big or small it is. God is proud of you for not giving up. Get a good nights sleep and give all your worries to God.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” -Isaiah‬ ‭26‬:‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

P.S. God loves you.🤍

P.P.S. Have a nice weekend ahead. I’m proud of you. :)

#bible verse #healing #mental health #inspirational #pep talk #work life #burnout #successquotes #rest day #weekend #writers on tumblr #dreams

[rianafying]

was away from my phone for a day and it feels like i haven’t been on tumblr in ages.

it’s 2am rn, raining heavily, im enjoying this a lot. but i can’t help but feel overwhelmed by all the tasks that await me. just always, generally, in life. they’re not difficult to people, but they’re near impossible to me. i feel very scared very often. stability feels foreign and instability feels awful. cried a lot at the protest today, i can’t do protests they’re emotionally just too much for me. i’ve been daydreaming about falling in love. nobody in my mind, just generally, the idea of love. which is good i guess? it’s healthy to want it. i’m not as damaged as i had feared. but i really need to get a little more control over my life. drinking tea really helps with the nerves. gives me clarity. shuts down most of the chaos in my head makes it so that i can follow and complete one train of thought at a time. feels like a miracle drug but it’s just plain black tea, the cheapest most generic one i could find. crazy i know. i’ve been rewatching bridgerton. i really do love the show. and i have the fattest crush on jonathan bailey. embarrassing i know. it’s my guilty pleasure show. found some good music lately. new stuff. on repeat. added to my coming of age summer playlist. the age being 24. i can’t believe im going to be 24 soon and im so proud of myself not for anything i’ve achieved but instead for starting to let go of my obsession with achievement. there’s no good reason to torture oneself over never finding enough success under the horrible system that is capitalism. nothing is ever enough. makes me think of dc, when he said if you can, take my hand, i promise you’ll find love again, love again. very unrelated but also extremely related to my current situation. not soon though. i really hope it’s not soon. i’m enjoying my solitude. i swear the next time i do this whole love thing it’s going to be so different from anything i have ever experienced before. if there even is a next time. only time shall tell. i think time is the only thing can can be told and do the telling. i might be wrong, there might be a hundred other things. but. back to life as i know it today, i should sleep. i should shower then i should apply my medicine then i should sleep. i should also drink water. very very important. crazy how so much work is essential for the body to keep on living. and how it lets you know very aggressively when it has not had enough. food, sleep, movement, sun, medicine, and the list goes on. there’s so much stuff i need to throw out. so many people whose messages i have to reply to. i often forget because 90% of texting is just formality and roughly 10% is actual information exchange. i don’t think i’ve ever truly been missed by someone. my friends always say they miss me. i miss them dearly, but i can’t imagine being missed. like to think that they felt my absence and “missed” “me”. what a crazy world and what a lucky girl i am. at least in this regard. i wonder why hank and john have not spoken up about palestine. i wonder how anyone i have ever respected could stay silent while witnessing cruelty of this level. i’m not even a sjw or a particularly passionate activist. i don’t normally feel like everyone needs to care about something. but this? this is just. beyond. just beyond. everything. i worshipped hank and john. they taught me almost everything i know and i never thought i could ever be let down by them. yet here i am. learned my lesson about worshipping people. but what about god? god is so much worse, like asfsgshdjdkdldlflkkkl. it’s nearly 3am. i always do this. i always stay up too late the night before an important gig. it’s the over thinking that keeps me from peace. i’ll take some stevia w me to the studio so i can make my tea when im there! my brain.

i hope i don’t have to move back to bangladesh, because it is terrible over there. especially now that im seeing all the election season atrocities. i dont know what will happen in my life but i know that im trying my best. i’m always trying to prove myself, but to whom? who am i trying to answer to? pobody’s nerfect, i need to take it easy. goodnight for now.

#personal #journal entry

[sarhanne]

Strengths and Weaknesses

When it comes to my personal strengths, I believe that creativity is one of my strongest attributes. I find that exploring new and innovative ideas helps me to continuously improve upon my work and stay ahead of the curve. I am always looking for ways to push the boundaries and think outside of the box.

In addition to my creativity, my positive attitude is also a key factor in my success. I am fortunate to have a supportive network of friends and family who help me stay motivated and focused on my goals. I believe that having a positive outlook on life can make all the difference in achieving success and happiness.

Lastly, I take great pride in my willingness to work hard and fast. Whether it is at my job or in school, I am always striving to give my best effort. I believe that hard work and dedication are essential to achieving success in any field.

However, like everyone else, I also have certain weaknesses that I am actively working on. One of my biggest obstacles is my tendency to procrastinate. While I am not one to completely avoid tasks, I do find myself getting sidetracked easily. For example, if I have an important project to work on, I may end up getting distracted by something else during the allotted time I set aside for the activity. This is something that I am actively working to overcome, as I understand the importance of staying focused and on track.

Another weakness of mine is that I can be risk-prone. I struggle to take that initial leap of faith in pursuing something that I know I want to do. While it is important to be cautious and considerate of potential risks, I understand that taking calculated risks can often lead to great rewards. Therefore, I am committed to overcoming this weakness and becoming more confident in my decision-making abilities.

Overall, I am constantly striving to improve myself and become the best version of myself. While I recognize my weaknesses, I am also proud of my strengths and will continue to build upon them in order to achieve my goals and make a positive impact in the world.

[poiseandprogress]

Poise & Progress: Taking baby steps

I don’t know if this is an ADHD thing or if I’m simply just having a hard time getting started with the creation of the new me. I’m not lacking motivation or anything but I am a terrible procrastinator. So that needs to be one of the first things that I change starting today. And like I said, this blog is meant to hold myself accountable. I tend to get “stuck” physically and mentally when I am taking on too many tasks at once but at the same time, I’m entirely convinced that I can complete everything. Since posting my game plan, I've been simultaneously trying to tackle every aspect of my life that I want to change. I'm sure it's stemming from me wanting to get to the new version of me sooner but instead, it's slowing me down. So let’s try some baby steps.

Today’s goal is to complete the following to do list:

Clearly write out my fitness goals

Create a meal plan to help me accomplish these goals 

Create a workout routine to help achieve this as well.

I’m hoping that by taking my time and picking apart all of my larger goals and by focusing on certain things at a single time, I can have more success achieving it. 

 I have to be at work for 8:30 am and it’s currently 7:12. By 6pm when I return home, I would like to have completed these three things and have it uploaded here. 

Wish me luck!

UPDATE:

It's 6:30pm and although I have not completed all 3 items that were on the list, I managed to complete two and post them and I've decided to change the way I create my routine. So that one will be posted either later this evening or tomorrow morning. But I'm still happy with the goals I've listed out and the meal plan I have to achieve these goals. (Also keep in mind that at the moment, I work from 8:30am - 5:30 pm. Finding the time throughout the day to do this was a bit of a challenge which is also why I'm proud)

I'll link the posts below so that you can check them out:

Poise & Progress: My Fitness Goals

Poise & Progress: Formulating my Meal Plan

#leveling up #level up journey #level up #high value woman #black woman in luxury #black girl moodboard #soft life #luxury lifestyle #luxury aesthetic #hypergamy #feminine energy

[good-girls-edge]

Good Girl Edging Task

(Reminder: If there is part of a task that is a limit for you, you can always replace that part of the task with a soft edge. Let us know how the task went! That is what anonymous is for. Your participation keeps me motivated. For good girls who need someone to report to, DMs are always welcome and always private.)

Good morning, I am releasing a special high heel edging task for today. This task is a favorite among many of our good girls. You can do all of the edges at one time or spread them out thru the day.

Draw a hot bath to soak in. (Light some candles around you if you have them.) While you soak, just mindlessly rub your pussy in a slow, teasing manor. Relax, close your eyes, and think about your favorite fantasies as you do.

After your bath is finished, take the time to doll yourself up. Get your hair just the way you like it and your makeup too. Now select your jewelry. If you are dressing for me, I like delicate and pretty things. Delicate bracelets, necklace, and of a choker or collar if you have one. Now slip into your sexiest heels. Wear nothing else for each of these edges.

(All will be hard edges. With each edge complete, clean your fingers like a good girl.)

Always start with the standing position first. Keep your feet shoulder width apart. As you edge, I want you to picture me there. You are for display, my visual pleasure. I want to see my good girl entice me. I want to see you play with your breasts. Pinch your nipples hard and make them stand out and proud. Look at my cock as you lick your lips. Suck on your finger while looking into my eyes, then reach down and coat each of your nipples so that they shine in the light.

For your next edge, you will need your dildo. You will be squatting down with your legs spread wide. Your knees are not to touch the floor. Always keep your pussy in my view. Never hide yourself. This time as you edge, I want you to show me how a good girl makes love with her mouth. Keep your eyes always on mine as you do. I want to hear every moan and every whimper. Run your tongue all over the shaft, lick the balls, and flicker your tongue over the tip. Show me how deep you can take me into your throat.

The next edge, you will be very close to me. If you have nipple clamps, put them on. I want you to picture me sitting there, and you are standing over my lap. One high heel on the floor, the other on the arm of the chair. Your pussy just inches from my face. I want an up close view as my beautiful good girl plays with her pussy. Spread your pussy lips wide, so I can see everything, see how wet you are, and see the drips running down your thigh. Show me how desperate your pussy is for my attention. Let me see up close how your fingers dance on your clit.

Your final edge, I want you bent over the bed. But first we need to get your ass the right shade. So spank it good. I want to see a bright red. When the perfect color is achieved, bend over the bed and edge. Keep your head looking over your shoulder, so I can see all of you. Reach underneath you as you edge. Continue to lick your lips as you look at me. With your other hand, show me what else can be used. Slip your finger into that tight hole. Let me see the look of ecstasy in your eyes as you think about me filling you.

And as always... do not cum without permission.

#gget #ggt

[dany36]

i did it!!! after 62 hours (162 in total), i completed new game+ in ultra hard!! wow, i didn't think I was going to be able to do it cus of what I had been hearing about it (plus i thought the game in normal was way harder than zero dawn in normal), but well, it's been done!!! and i'm really proud that i did it without using any of the legendary weapons. i didn't really wanna use them cus upgrading them was gonna be such a hassle (ESPECIALLY in ultra hard are you kidding me) and it uses so many sludges that i would rather keep for my new favorite weapon which got me through this ultra hard mode...the spike thrower!!! <3

i don't ever bother with "ultra hard" modes or 100%ing achievements, but i love the horizon games so much that i just can't help myself. overall i enjoyed this second playthrough just as much as the first one. knowing what was coming and being able to appreciate the cutscenes while recognizing the songs that would play from the OST (LIKE HELLO TILDA SAYING "YES, A SECOND CHANCE TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT" TO ALOY TWICE AND--OMG--THAT'S THE NAME OF THE SONG FOR THE FINAL BATTLE ALSDKJFLASDJFSDF) just made me love the game even more.

anyway, more random junk thoughts below

first time through i really didn't see the whole tilda-being-evil coming. i mean the game hints at it right before leaving to the zenith base but i really liked her character (plus carrie-anne moss plays her, hello) and i was really wishing that she was helping aloy and her friends because she really wanted to make up for her past. PLUS when aloy tells her that lis regretted how things ended between them, how tilda reacts is so LASKJDFLASKJDFLASKJDF like IMAGINE tilda regretting for 1000 years how their last conversation ended and then aloy's like "yeah lis was sad about it too" like i would personally just go insane (well i guess tilda did actually lol). so in the end when she reveals she actually just wants aloy i was like damn...why are u like this. oh well...thanks for saving aloy from the zeniths even if it was for a super selfish purpose i guess. ;(

THEN AGAIN i also totally missed the implied relationship between tilda and lis until aloy spelled it out for me. i was seriously like WAIT WHAT, I thought they were just seriously gals being pals!!!! so i mean i am not the brightest at picking up hints, so i certainly wasn't gonna pick up on the fact that tilda was going to be, in fact, evil and not doing it out of the pure goodness of her heart.

why did they make erend's dialogue to the zenith base so whiny. i was like omg erend plz stop. especially the part where he's like "you know, there's one thing i'm gonna regret about all of this" and i was like oh crap something deep is coming and even aloy's "what is it" sounded annoyed, so when erend says "all this climbing we had to do" i was like sir....please. you're not helping.

i love sylens's character so much. i swear every cutscene he was in i would just have the goofiest grin on my face. the way he expresses himself is just so damn entertaining to listen to. the banter and remarks between him and aloy are just the best. when sylens finally arrives at the base and teases aloy about the company she keeps, "are you going to actually ask a question or are you still playing catch-up", "stop waxing useless nostalgia and get back to the task at hand", like oh my god i think next time i play (once i FINALLY get a ps5) i'm going to have to record my favorite cutscenes/lines of him. i loved how aloy actually ASKS him to stay since they could really use his help against nemesis and then HE DOES STAY ALKDSJFLASKJDFLJAS hell yes!!! no i do NOT ship them like some people do but i REALLY love their....weird-ass-friendship-or-whatever-the-hell-they-got-going-on and i'm so glad we'll get to see more of sylens!!!

alva is hands down my favorite character from the second game (silga is close but alas she's just a sidequest character ;( ). like holy crap her voice actress really did such a fantastic job at making her so damn adorable, charming, and relatable. i would always look forward to any new interactions with her back at the base, and it's so cute how protective aloy is of her whenever you're on a mission with alva since she knows alva is not exactly a fighter. if alva didn't already have a gf i'd definitely be on the aloyxalva ship.

also i realized alva's theme song is "The Eye that Reveals" and just ugh that just made me love her character even more because that's one of my favorite songs from the OST even though it's so short alsdkjflsdkjflaskjdf 😭

although i'm extremely sad that talanah and petra didn't have more involvement in the main plot, i'm glad they at least didn't get the nil treatment. i honestly didn't even know he was in hfw until i finished the game and i started browsing the tag and saw people mentioning him. i was like WHAT the hell?? i avoided the racing game like the plague since i had zero interest in it so then there i went, racing with machines so i could watch the cutscene. i'm not a nil fan by any means but i was really curious as to how he would explain his change in career lol.

ultra hard mode in hfw was definitely harder than hzd ultra hard mode. despite this, i definitely died way less than when i played it in normal mode (i like to think i improved lol). the purple-level spike thrower became a must against any big machine cus i mean, that thing can knock down ANYTHING, even specter prime!! plus the explosive ones do some incredible damage. really glad i discovered its usefulness cus otherwise with just a normal bow+arrow i would have been done for, especially since they nerfed the ropecaster so much in this game.

i was doing most of the sidequests+errands in new game+ cus i thought there was going to be more use for the campion's tokens but...i got all the weapons, dyes, and face paints and still have like 30+ tokens with me PLUS i didn't do like 5 or so sidequests+errands so there's still definitely more i could get but...it looks like they give you more than you really need...

anyway, enough babbling about hfw for now. time to put this game to rest until dlc comes out. i'm kind of anxious at how the third game will wrap things up--for the second game i was really looking forward to it, but for this one i'm scared that they'll screw it up. oh well, hopefully the dlc for forbidden west will be just as amazing and fulfilling as frozen wilds was!!

#horizon forbidden west #hfw #horizon #junk #i'm on horizon-thoughts-only mode

[fluxofthemouth]

 the devil  :  is your muse addicted to any substances ? is there anything that could possibly make them quit?

&&

judgement : is your muse forgiving of themselves ? how about of others who wrong them ?

the devil

From canon, Piter is implied to be addicted to 'sapho juice,' a drug that boosts quick thinking by a lot. It's a highly addictive substance that will permanently stain your mouth red over time, & that's an ordinary tool of the trade for a Mentat. Seems pretty dystopian to me, honestly?? That something so invasive and personal is a normal requirement of showing up to work? I'm reading between the lines of Dune! I'm reading that neurodivergence is like a prized trait for a servant class that supplies intellectual workhorses for the ultra-rich! Like, the meritocracy aspirations of today's world are maybe just not there (bc feudalism) & if you're super smart or something it's like Oh! A Resource! Don't get me wrong, the Atreides main character family of nobles & their inner circle is pretty awesomely brain-weird too (they've got movie quote guy, compulsively moral guy, teenager who's so dang observant, woman who mysteriously fails repeatedly to get on peoples' good side even tho she means well, etc), so it's not like there are bold lines dividing classes by neurotype or anything. But dang, I just read a lot of thanklessnes into the Mentat role. (I'm imagining the more bitter folks have the inside joke that 'Mentat' stands for Managing Eminent Neurotypicals' Tasks, Albeit Thanklessly)

Piter is also heavily addicted to 'spice,' the setting's famous miracle drug that extends lifespans, lets you see into the future a little, and makes safe space travel possible. Rather than being an expectation, this is a very intentional choice, and a sign of his commitment to hmmm greed and hedonism. Like, this little man saw moderation and ran straight past it with his hands reaching out.

Lastly, in one of the scenes in the book where Piter shows up, he's being annoying & the Baron sarcastically asks him something along the lines of, "Are you high?" and mentions a third, completely unrelated drug. So I interpret that Piter is just really open to experimenting with drugs & that there are a few he's quite heavily addicted to. He already lives in a world that wants him to be addicted to drugs because it makes him useful, so I wonder if the rest is like, he might as well act like it was his idea. He's very evil & I don't write that as good (he is some sort of meow meow, i am microwaving him, etc etc), but like oh shit there's some righteous rage there.

judgement

Piter is hard on himself for making big mistakes, especially when it comes to not predicting or calculating things accurately. Part of it is the huge pressure to be useful, and the fact that everything from his basic safety to his absurd wealth is conditional on not only being useful but being extraordinary. Another part of it's pride; as much as he doesn't like the thought of being used, he truly takes pride in doing good work. Like, I bet he can play an instrument, I hc that he owns a racehorse, he has other shit going on that he might conceivably be proud of. But getting Results for his House is like the one singular situation where it's not just him patting himself on the back, he's really made an Achievement as defined by culture.

In many contexts though, he's got everything he needs to see failures as a natural part of the road to success. Like, okay! There's a problem or a goal & i am going to do a while loop about it.

I feel like Piter isn't one to get revenge against every specific person who wrongs him. In the book, the Baron laughs at him and tells him about a bet he made with someone else about what Piter would do in a situation. So he's not scaring people away from gossiping about him. In another part in the book, he says he'd really get a kick out of seeing the Baron's castle sacked and destroyed. I think his big grudge is against the Empire and the nobility, for all of the scary and personal ways he was shaped to be a tool for their use; and he'll never forgive that. I think he might be so obsessed with the specific wound and anger that minor shit still hurts but seems trivial.

#drugs tw #fluxofthemouth || headcanons #thx for sending!

[just-a-dumb-gay]

I think I just found out why i crave validation online from strangers (like comments on fanfics). And why praise and compliments on something I done always make me so happy.

I rarely got rewards as a kid for doing good things. And Ive gotten even less as I've grown up.

TL;DR (because there's explanation and tangenting below the cut): I pretty much never get or have gotten praise or rewards or anything similar because I was doing things that I should be doing anyways because society perceives it all as normal and easy and it's only gotten worse as Ive gotten older. So now my achievements and cool stuff being acknowledged with genuine enthusiasm means the world.

SO GO GIVE POSITIVE VIBES TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, ESPECIALLY ANY KIDS IN YOUR LIFE, EVEN JUST A REALLY COOL STRANGER ONLINE!! IT MAKES SO MUCH MORE OF A DIFFERENCE THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE REALIZE!

Actual accomplishments? Nope. Perfect report cards (minus attendance because I'm not superhuman, I got sick like 99% of other kids. And just gym ew it was so boring) and endless praise during parents night (because gifted kid plus a pile of anxiety and autism that was scared to get in trouble).

Now I wanna specify I did get little things like some sweets or like a couple pounds as pocket money but that was 9/10 times for helping with chores or something that I didn't HAVE to help with. Those things I done because I wanted to help, and ngl a few of the tasks were fun so I wanted to do them without expecting anything in return. So just a quick side note but still somewhat relevant.

I should also specify since the adult Im closest to is my dad, his opinion and everything means way more tor me than it should.

I never even got a simple "I'm proud of you" from my dad (who has seen me every day minus like a month in total in my entire 18 years of living). And he taught me A LOT outside of school. Life skills, creative skills, problem solving skills. Even when I do good with all of that honestly I don't think he's ever said that to me even Once. Now I don't have it as bad as many many others because I would still get things like "Good job" or "Well done" but they were kinda half hearted and its still taken its toll on me. (Because even though others have something worse doesn't mean we're not allowed to have strong feelings about our personal situation)

I have an abundance of health issues and doing so many things has became extremely challenging for me. Yesterday, I went to my first medical appointment completely alone, and it was a dentist appointment and I have deppresso teeth so dentists are terrifying. When my dad got home from work I was telling him about it and everything and how happy I was it went well despite now having a temporary filling in a tooth Im most likely gonna lose. Yknow what his reaction was after I had tangented for like 10 minutes out of happiness then had to stop and take a breath? "Okay I'm gonna finish eating my dinner now" in his 'im pretending to joke yet I'm being serious' tone (which is a whole other issue). Like... dude... I managed to do my first bus journey, medical appointment and mild medical procedure completely 100% alone, 3 things that absolutely terrify me, AND YOU CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR FOOD?!

My partner said they were proud of me multiple times yesterday. My friend hyped me up and offered enthusiastic and entertaining support. Those 2 and 2 other friends (one I dont speak to quite as regular and another who ive been friends with for roughly 9 years and am super close to but we talk like 1 or 2 times a month) are always super supportive in their own individual ways and Im still not used to it, and I don't think I ever will be.

So I guess long tangent short. My accomplishments were always just treated as average things that were expected of me similar to just simply being at school on time. And anything I created usually had a flaw pointed out (not in a constructive criticism way, Im always open to constructive criticism) and the most that'd be said is "Looks good" or "Thats nice". So now praise and/or enthusiastic support (both are equal to me) for accomplishments mean the absolute world. And comments on fanfics or any other sort of positive acknowledgement of something I created makes me feel like what I done was actually a good use of my time.

I could say a lot more but I just need to rant for a bit, and this is probably gonna get like 3 notes max.

#neurodivergent #gifted kid burnout