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#but idk if I’m even getting vacation pay when I’m gone yet :( I’ll see if my manager can find out for me
shatterthefragments · 15 days
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FUCK ME
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ambymyself · 1 year
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laties and gentlement he’s back (unfortunately)
friday december 2, 2022
so i’ve been going through a lil something about my mom lately. just some more of her disliking me type of shit. idk whenever i tell somebody about it, i feel like i’m exaggerating. i feel like i’m the only one who sees it, and everyone else - those who i DO tell - either doesn’t believe me or is just denying it. i’ll just say it and make it quick.
so on thanksgiving, my family got together as usual. it was fine i guess, thanksgiving is never a good holiday for me for some reason. i always feel alone and pitiful after coming home, but not this year for once. anyway, during the dinner my mom was telling everyone how she was going to vegas again. i was like “oh i’m 21 now why didn’t you tell me !?” she straight up said nope! and i was like how come and she said it was for work, and only her and my stepdad are going. i was like fine and let it slide, and brought up my birthday. i want to go to san diego again for my birthday and she immediately shut that down and said “I’M (emphasis) going to mew mexico.” in a not-with-you tone. i was like damn ok! so i just let that all go even though i kinda felt like shit after it. so a few days go by and i’m pondering, thinking i’ll be fine at home on my birthday, since no one ever really celebrated my birthday before. until i get a text from my brother....
“basically got a loan for mom to take [stepdad], [stepbrother], and [stepbrother’s girlfriend] to vegas” .......... i was like wait. my mom told me she was going to ask him for a loan to pay for “christmas presents.” and i didn’t warn him in time because i did that for her last year. and she’s taking THEM along????? mind you that girl and my stepbrother have been seeing each other for less than a year, maybe only six months. so it was a hard NO to me but them-
i got so fucking mad when i found out. and i know why they get to go too, it’s because they are chronic alcoholics just like my mom and stepdad. my mom doesn’t like that i don’t drink anymore for some reason, she’s always mocking me about it. and that’s that right. WOW. i already felt like shit before but this just sent me over the edge. and i didn’t even tell her how i felt because she never fucking listens to me and it’s already too late anyway. she keeps trying to perpetuate this idea that i hate her in front of my family all the time yet she does this to me and my brother. i don’t even really care about going to vegas anyway but WOWWWWW. if i was a parent, i would NEVER. so she just gets to make me feel like shit and guilty in front of my family, and then pack up her things and go on vacation afterward while i’m at home, working. when i read this, i look jealous but i promise i am not. it’s her actions that are getting to me. just why? that’s what i have been dealing with, and i only told a few people. my brother even feels bad though he’s the one who is paying for them. he even offered to help me pay for my christmas present but i think i will just pay for it all myself. i don’t need help
OK OK OK OK OK so let me tell you what inspired me to write this today. after a few days has gone by, SHE APOLOGIZED!!!!!!!!! and she so conveniently forgot about me asking her to join. she apologizes........after she already left. huh..... after all i was going through, she just apologizes and moves with their lil work vacation...... i will give her the silent treatment because....... fuck it. what’s the point.
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forabeatofadrum · 2 years
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I’d cry a river just for you (16/24)
AO3
CHANCE - Once On This Island
2011
Four months is nothing compared to eight years, but four months feels so fucking long. Before this, the longest Kurt and Blaine have gone without speaking was two weeks. Blaine and his family went on a vacation to the Philippines when they were twelve and they didn’t have a mobile phone yet.
Well, Blaine did send a card, so maybe they didn’t go without speaking for two weeks.
It sucks. Some big things have happened in these four months, like Kurt’s NYADA audition, and Blaine isn’t there. After four months, Kurt’s gotten used to it. He went from checking Blaine’s profile picture on a daily basis to a weekly basis and now he only checks if he’s still blocked when he feels like it.
One day he realises that he’s no longer blocked, but Kurt doesn’t send anything. He doesn’t know what to do.
--
Kurt can’t sleep. He’s lying underneath the covers with his earbuds in, so that he won’t wake the others. He knows that he has to get up early, but it’s past midnight and he’s listening to Once On This Island because he feels like it.
But when Forever Yours (reprise) starts playing, his chest feels heavy.
You gave him love Love he would soon betray! You gave him life I am the price you’ll pay!
Sure as the grave You must accept what is... Now your life is Forever mine...
By the end of the song, Kurt’s in tears. He isn’t crying over Ti Moune and Daniel’s story, but about his and Blaine’s story.
Kurt loves Blaine. He loves Blaine so damn much it hurts. After two years of being in love, it’s become something he’s gotten used to. He doesn’t think much about it. The grass is green. Water is wet. Kurt’s in love with Blaine. The sky is blue.
But now that Blaine’s gone, it hurts even more. And sure, Blaine doesn’t know that Kurt’s in love with him, or so Kurt thinks, and Blaine’s straight so he’s definitely not in love with Kurt, but they have another kind of love. Their friendship is everything to them, or so it used to be.
And honestly, Kurt cannot hold on to this. Blaine’s the one who turned his back on this. Kurt’s still crying when he opens WhatsApp.
Me: I cant do this
Me: I cant fucking do this anymore
Me: ive been waitying for a sign of life
Me: but I think I’m nt getting it
Me: idk why you did this
Me: but fick I need to end this for myself
Me: I deserve closure and ive been waiting for this for too long
Me: but im not gonna get it
Me: if this is what you want then have it
Me: I cant do this
Me: I miss you like crazy and yoj don’t seem to care
There are many more thoughts, but Kurt locks his phone, turns off the music, and tries to sleep. He’s giving Blaine a last chance. Now Kurt waits.
--
Blaine replies the next day. Kurt almost laughs at the desperation. Blaine writes how much he fucked up and how he regrets everything and how Kurt can kick him, slap him, shake him whatever, because Kurt’s the most important person in his life and Blaine needed these sleep-deprived messages to see what’s in front of him. Blaine wants to fix it and he’ll do whatever he can.
Kurt shows the messages to Mercedes. After all, Blaine sent them while Kurt, Mercedes and some others are at the Lima Bean. Kurt wanted to check something on his phone when he saw all the new messages.
“What will do you?” Mercedes asks.
Kurt doesn’t know. He’s been waiting for this moment for four months, but now that it’s actually here, he’s angrier than before. At first he was sad, but now he can’t help but feel annoyed. Blaine’s acting as if he’s suffered so much.
“I’ll see.”
--
Me: No.
Me: No, you don’t get to do this.
Me: You don’t get to ignore me for 4 fuciking months only to crawl back like it’s nothing big
Me: I cried. I cried so damn much. I was hurt
Me: Don’t act like you’ve been hurt the same way when you seemed to be doing fine without me
Me: So we’re not going to meet up now
Me: Here’s what you’ll do Blaine
Me: You’re going to take a fucking step back and think about what you’ve done
Me: Because right now you’re only coming back, begging for forgiveness, because I was done
Me: If it hadn’t been for that, you would’ve been fine with this
Me: Text me again when you’ve fucking thought about it
Me: No worries. I’ll be waiting
--
“You did the right thing,” Kurt’s dad says proudly.
“Yeah?” Kurt asks nervously. He was so certain of himself, but now he’s wondering if he’s being too harsh. Mercedes and Rachel also complimented Kurt, but his dad’s opinion matters the most.
“Yes,” his dad says, “I think it’s proper that you’re giving him a chance while also pointing out that he can’t get away with this.”
“I agree,” Finn says.
“Finn, don’t speak with food in your mouth,” Carole chastises him. Then she turns to Kurt. “But I also agree, honey. I think it’s good that Blaine takes some time to think about what happened.”
“So I wasn’t too mean or-”
“Dude, even if you were, it’s nothing compared to the shit that Blaine pulled,” Finn cuts him off.
Kurt’s dad and Carole both hum in agreement.
--
Blaine: can I come over?
Blaine: I’ve been thinking a lot this week
Blaine: or maybe I can come to McKinley, since we’re both busy
Me: I’d like that
--
Blaine’s loitering outside the choir room. Santana taps Kurt’s shoulder to tell him that Blaine’s here. Kurt turns to the door and it’s true. Blaine’s wearing his Dalton blazer, which means that he’s indeed cutting class for this.
Kurt asks Mr. Schue if he can be excused and he leaves the choir room before Mr. Schue can answer.
“Hi,” Kurt says awkwardly. He’s face to face with Blaine for the first time in months and he hates that his heart skips a beat. Blaine hasn’t changed at all.
“Hey.”
“Should we go outside?”
The two of them walk in silence and the tension is almost unbearable. Kurt can almost feel Blaine’s guilt. Good. Once they’ve left the building, Kurt gestures to Blaine to talk.
“I’m sorry, Kurt. I truly am,” Blaine says, “I meant what I wrote. I never should’ve let this happen. You mean the world to me!”
“Then why… did this happen?” Kurt asks. He’s been wondering this for four months. He’s thought it over so many times. He’s discussed it with Mercedes, with his dad, with Carole, with Finn, but no one understood it.
Blaine stares at the ground.
“Was it…” Kurt trails off. It can’t be. “The discussion about weed canvas?”
And to Kurt’s utter horror, Blaine nods.
“What. The. Fuck.”
“It’s stupid-”
“It sure as hell is!” Kurt yells angrily. He had made a plan. If Blaine wasn’t going to express any remorse, then Kurt would be angry. If Blaine was going to express guilt, then Kurt would try to be forgiving. But that plan was created before all of this.
“Sorry.”
“Really?” Kurt says, indignantly. He puts his face in his hands and he takes a deep breath. “Really?”
Knowing that Blaine willingly threw away an eight year old friendship over something so small and insignificant hurts more than all the pain and loneliness of the past four months.
“I know!” Blaine says desperately, “Which is why I never- I was so ashamed of ruining it over something so small!”
“So you just let it go altogether?”
“I couldn’t face you after that!”
“And now you can?”
“I really needed that wake-up slap,” Blaine sounds even more desperate, “Because my embarrassment is nothing compared to losing you. God, you’re always so right. You’re… always right.”
Kurt kicks the ground, since he doesn’t know what else to do.
“Now what?” he asks.
“Let’s just pretend this never happened!” Blaine suggests.
And a part of Kurt knows that this is a bad idea. He knows what they should talk it out. He knows that this isn’t something they can ignore.
But a bigger part of Kurt is just so happy to have the possibility to be friends again. He nods.
--
“Hey, what a surprise,” Mr. Schue says when Kurt re-enters the choir room with Blaine in tow.
“No worries, sir, I’m not a spy. We’ve lost.”
Mr. Schue nods. “Sorry to hear that.”
He doesn’t sound sorry at all, but no one in this room is. The New Directions still make a chance!
“Blaine’s just visiting,” Kurt says quickly.
“Well, have a seat. The more the merrier,” Mr. Schue says.
Kurt and Blaine sit down and Mercedes throws an arm around Blaine. They lean closer and Kurt sees that Mercedes has something to say, but Kurt doesn’t want to impose. After a while, both Blaine and Mercedes smile at each other.
Santana also nods with a smile. Rachel waves. Sam holds out his fist for a fist bump. And so on. Everyone seems to have accepted that things are okay again.
Only Finn’s seething.
Kurt ignores him.
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fallinnflower · 4 years
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keep the sunshine (in my heart)
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minghao x reader (university!au, trip!au, fluff)
wc: 7k
a/n: this has been in the works for far too long. everyone pokes fun at mingyu but out of love. title based on the song “summer’s gone” by ashmute which i highly recommend. i once again attempted not to gender the reader but they do have long hair idk. this was posted twice before but tags didn’t work so it’s being posted again and hopefully it works now lol
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The first time you meet Minghao, you're getting a piggyback ride from Mingyu because your walk on the beach ended with one of your sandals breaking irreparably. Thankfully, there are plenty of shops ready to sell you a new pair — once they open for the day. You'd forced Mingyu out to see the sunrise with you on this first day of vacation before the gaggle of friends you'd both invited showed up and made the house party central. He said this was just karma.
Your tall friend is walking with an exaggerated sway, and you squeeze your arms around his neck tighter.
"Yah, Kim Mingyu!" You snap, blowing at a strand of hair that fell in front of your eye. "Walk normally, I'm getting motion sick, you punk."
"You don't get motion sick, Y/N," Mingyu replies, and you huff in annoyance because he's right. Leave it to Mingyu to remember the stupidest things about you. As you're about to tell him to put you down, you'll just walk with one foot bare, he comes to an abrupt stop. You peer over the top of his head, eyebrows furrowed, but can't see anything notable. More people are on the beach, but you don't see anyone important.
You lift one arm to poke at Mingyu's cheek—
Suddenly, your friend starts running back towards the coast, leaving you to redouble your grip. You let out an awful screeching sound, cursing directly into his ear, but he pays you no mind.
"Minghao!" he yells. A lanky guy in a denim jacket who's squatting in the sand with a camera pointed at the horizon turns towards you both. His expression remains decidedly nonplussed as Mingyu continues barreling down the beach towards him like an excited puppy. As soon as Mingyu stops, you start pounding on his chest.
"Put me down, you maniac!" He lets go of your legs and stoops a bit to let you off his back. You grumble and begin tying your hair back into a ponytail, barely sparing his friend a glance.
"You're early," Mingyu says, totally delighted at the sight of his friend. Minghao lets his camera fall against his chest as he stands, nodding.
"Yeah, I decided I wanted to take some photos. I haven't gone to the house yet." His sharp gaze travels over to you, squinting slightly against the early morning sunlight.
"You must be Y/N."
"The one and only," you reply, ducking your head. "I hear you're Mingyu's smartest friend. Well, aside from me."
The Chinese boy smirks, snorting slightly at your comment.
"Well, if you're headed to the house then we'll just go with you. Then Y/N can change into some different shoes," Mingyu snickers, and you swat at his arm.
You take off your sandals, following the boys as they start up to the beach towards the house.
"Wasn't Jun coming with you?" Mingyu asks.
"He decided to drive himself. He wasn't done packing yet."
"Sounds like him," he laughs. "I'll just test my cooking on the two of you tonight then."
"And what's on the menu, Chef Mingyu?" You ask, poking him in the ribs. Minghao chuckles as Mingyu swats your hand away.
"If you keep acting like this, then all you'll get is ramen."
"You say that like it's a punishment," you retort.
"Depends on how much he's making," Minghao chimes in, leaning forward to look around Mingyu at you.
"Maybe I won't make you dinner at all!" Mingyu huffs, though his pout dissipates quickly when confronted with both yours and Minghao's laughter. As the Chinese boy shoots you a conspiratorial smile, you can't help but think that you like having someone like him around.
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The three of you spend the evening together, preparing the house for the others to come tomorrow. You turn in relatively early, all sufficiently exhausted from the previous day.
After how yesterday morning had gone, you opted to go out to the beach on your own in the morning. Over the course of your years working and going to school you'd gotten into the habit of waking up early, especially when in unfamiliar places, so you were up shortly before the dawn.
You're putting on your spare shoes by the door when suddenly someone else starts down the stairs.
"Morning," you call, not looking up. The voice that replies surprises you into looking back, startled when you find Minghao grinning down at you.
"You're up early," you say, standing up and running a hand through your hair. Minghao looks exceptionally stylish, especially in comparison to you in your tank top and ratty shorts. His camera is still slung around his neck, and he motions to it as he replies.
"I wanted more photos of the sunrise. The forecast for today looked promising."
"Well," you reply, watching as he puts on his own shoes. "I'm not much of a photographer, but we could always go for breakfast after. If you don't mind me tagging along, that is."
"Sure." His response is cool, but his eyes seem to light up a bit at your offer. With that, the two of you head out the door.
The walk to the beach isn't far, and it's spent in surprisingly comfortable silence. You had expected Minghao to be more intimidating, but he seems relaxed as you make your way down the sandy sidewalk to the shore. The breeze is almost chilly, the coastline quiet with all the seabirds still sleeping. You can't help but cast glances at the boy beside you as you walk, noticing once again how attractive he looks. Even in such a casual setting, he's gorgeous, practically a work of art, his brown bangs gently ruffling in the wind. Catching a glimpse of his camera, you think that if you were any kind of photographer you would rather take photos of Minghao instead of the sunrise. He seems like a rarer kind of beauty in your eyes.
As the two of you walk, you're content to follow his lead. The sunrise is pretty from anywhere to you, but Minghao seems to have an artist's vision — so you decide to trust his judgement, especially since the window for his work is so briefly open.
He pauses for a moment when you both step into the sand, and you halt a few steps later. His brows are furrowed as he looks off into the distance, and you cock your head to the side.
"What's up?"
"I think we should head to the pier," he says.
"Fine by me," you shrug. "There's a restaurant over there." Minghao rolls his eyes at the playful grin you give him before nodding and leading the way once more.
The tide is gentle, the waves rolling in slow and short. Once you near the pier and Minghao finally settles into a place to take photos, you find yourself wandering towards the water. You may not have an eye for photography, but you've always loved collecting seashells.
As the waves continue rolling in, you find yourself wishing your sandals hadn't broken, trying to dodge the water so as not to ruin your sneakers.
You find a small handful of shells as you wander, none that are particularly extraordinary but a couple that look very similar with holes in them. You make your way back up the beach to Minghao, dropping into a squat beside him and holding one of those two similar looking shells out in each of your palms.
"Which do you like more?" you ask, and Minghao turns his gaze to you, though he keeps his camera pointed at the horizon. His brows furrow in concentration, and you find yourself amused by how seriously he's taking it. It's actually a bit heartwarming.
"The one in your left hand." You hum and place the shell atop his knee nearest to you, smiling.
"A token of our newfound friendship," you explain, turning your body to look out where his camera is pointed. "They'd make good necklaces."
"How fashion-forward of you," he says drily, but you catch him putting the shell in his pocket with a smile nonetheless.
After getting what he seems to deem a sufficient number of photos, he puts the lens cap back on his camera and stands, offering you a hand to help you.
"You said there was a restaurant by the pier?" he asks as you brush the sand off your shorts. His hand lingers in yours for a moment too long, but you try not to think too much of it — maybe he's still just tired.
"Yep," you jerk your chin towards the point where the wood of the pier meets the asphalt. "It's on the base of the pier."
"Lead the way."
You do. Soon enough the two of you are seated on the pier, overlooking the ocean with two steaming mugs of coffee between you and waiting on breakfast platters. The restaurant is otherwise pretty empty; you imagine it isn't exactly prime time, but it makes it all the better for you. Minghao has set his camera on the table and is leaning back in his chair, both of you looking out across the ocean.
"I think the view is better from here," you muse, chin propped in your hand. Minghao responds with a hum, then, lowly,
"Yeah, I agree." You turn and find him staring at you, a small smile curling at the corners of his lips, but before you can say anything your food suddenly arrives.
The moment you can see and smell it in front of you, you realize just how hungry you are. Forgetting any possible pretense of manners, you dig in hurriedly, shoveling a forkful of French toast eagerly into your mouth. Minghao chuckles, though he looks away in mock surrender when you shoot him a pointed look.
The two of you finish breakfast just in time for some of the shops to open, and so you resolve to buy yourself a new pair of sandals. Although you told Minghao he didn't have to accompany you, he decides to do so nonetheless, holding the door open for you as you enter one of the many shops on the main road.
You're in the middle of perusing sandals when suddenly you feel a slight pressure on your head. You turn in confusion only to find Minghao laughing under his breath, fixing a bucket hat onto his head. It's a faux denim number, ridiculous but not awful, and yet you can tell he hasn't been so kind to you. You glare at him as you pull your own bucket hat off, though even you can't hold back a snort of laughter when you see the ridiculous design. You reach up and pull Minghao's hat off his head, replacing it with the green frog hat, giggling as you look at the tiny little eyes sticking off the top.
"Mm, that's more like it," you say. "I think you should get it."
Minghao laughs and turns towards a small mirror near the sunglasses display messing with his bangs under the brim of the hat.
"Maybe I will." You laugh and turn back to the shoes. You finally find a plain black pair in your size, though when you turn you find Minghao laughing at something once more, with his back to you.
"What?" You ask, peering around him curiously. He shuffles off to the side, pointing out a bucket hat with ramen printed all over it.
"We have to get it," you say, looking over at him. Minghao shakes his head, turning the corners of his mouth down in an attempt to hide his obvious smile. You nudge him with your elbow until he finally breaks into an open-mouthed grin.
"If we don't get him a hat, he'll feel left out," you continue, and he sighs.
"Fine, fine."
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By the time the two of you make it back to the house, Mingyu has woken up and is on his second cup of coffee. He offers a relatively lazy greeting when you enter, sprawled across the couch. You walk over and shove his feet off, making a space for yourself as Mingyu grumbles under his breath. Minghao rounds the couch and places the hat on Mingyu’s head, only for the taller boy to immediately pull it off and take a look. He laughs and places it back on his head, and Minghao takes a seat.
"Any word from Jun?" you ask, reaching for the television remote. Mingyu shrugs, gulping down more coffee before responding,
"He texted a few minutes ago that he’s on the road, but that's it. Anything from the girls?"
"Yeri had a final this morning, but I think it's finishing up around ten or something."
"So we're on our own for lunch, is what I'm hearing," Minghao says, and both you and Mingyu nod. After a moment of watching TV mindlessly, you suddenly turn to Mingyu again.
"Do we need to do anything before they get here? Like, grocery shopping or anything?" The mere mention of errands causes Mingyu to slump further into the couch, as you reach over to swat his arm, rolling your eyes.
"Not now, you're no use without enough caffeine in you. Once you've entered the land of the living, I mean." Mingyu huffs at your comment, taking another sip of his coffee before responding. He also takes the opportunity to drape his legs across your lap, and you roll your eyes and pinch his calves in an effort to get him to move.
"Yah," he says, pulling his legs away with a whine. "What do you guys want for dinner?"
"We should get seafood while we're here," you say, then fix your gaze on Minghao. "What's a seafood dish you like?" The Chinese boy looks startled for a moment, but quickly settles into a more thoughtful expression.
"Maeuntang?"
"Ohh, I love stew," you say, turning your gaze to Mingyu. You give him your best puppy dog eyes, but are met with his hand extended in front of your face.
"Stop looking at me like that, it's creepy."
"It's supposed to be cute!" you pout, moving his hand. "If I stop, will you make the stew?"
"Yes," he sighs, putting his hand down.
"Thank you!" you squeal, upping the cuteness to a level you know your friend will hate. He quickly pulls his legs off of you as he wedges himself into the far corner of the couch.
"Stop," he whines. "Did you have too much sugar or something? Minghao, help me!"
"You're on your own," Minghao responds drily, and you finally relent, using the opportunity to bring your legs up onto the couch instead. Mingyu shoots you a scandalized, hurt look.
"You're mean."
"Only to my bestest friends," you coo, reaching over to pinch Mingyu's cheek. The boy huffs in annoyance, slumping against the arm of the couch and bringing his mug back up to his lips.
"How long have you two known each other, again?" Minghao asks, raising an eyebrow in amusement.
"Too long—"
"Our whole lives," you say at the same time, cutting Mingyu off. "He's like the brother I never had."
"You're annoying," he grumbles, and you laugh, pinching his cheeks again and forcing him to smile.
"Says the one who followed me to college." Mingyu's ears begin turning red, and you ruffle his hair with an ever-widening grin.
"Just because you got your acceptance letter first doesn't mean I followed you."
"I don't know," Minghao chimes in, leaning forward in his seat. "Y/N makes a pretty convincing case."
"I thought you were supposed to be my friend," Mingyu grumbles, giving Minghao an accusatory look as he squirms out of your arms. There's a resounding thump as he slips off the couch and lands on the floor. He picks up his mug off the coffee table and downs the rest of its contents in one swig before sighing and getting up,
"I'm going to the grocery store."
"Want help?" Minghao asks, starting to rise from his seat, and Mingyu hurriedly shakes his head.
"No! Just stay here and then help me carry the bags in when I'm back."
"Fine," you say, as you cross the room to sit beside Minghao on the loveseat. You sling an arm around the Chinese boy's shoulders,
"I'll just stay here and hang out with my new best friend."
"You're so mean!" Mingyu calls, then slips out the front door, leaving you and Minghao to chuckle in his wake. You retract your arm and lean into the corner of the seat, stretching your neck slightly. Minghao fixes you with his sharp, inquisitive gaze, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
"Do you always give him such a hard time?" You immediately laugh at his question.
"Always," you confirm. "Unless it's really serious, you know? I mean it when I say he's like the brother I've never had. I give him a hard time but, like, I'd fuck someone up for him."
Minghao laughs again, leaning into the opposite corner of the loveseat. He runs one graceful hand through his hair, the strands falling back into his eyes immediately.
"Yeah," he says. Then, in a softer tone of voice, gaze drifting out the window. You find yourself smiling as you look at Minghao, studying his profile for a moment. After a beat of silence he speaks up again.  
"He's lucky to have you in his life." Your grin immediately widens,
"Damn right he is."
Later, when you've both settled into your own little routines to pass the time, you find yourself thinking — he hadn't said someone like you. He'd just said you. And you may be overthinking it, but it makes your heart flutter, nonetheless.
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Jun arrives in the early afternoon having stopped for lunch along the way, and by the time he’s exiting the car Joy and Yeri are pulling into the driveway behind him. You throw your phone down onto the couch and run to the door to greet everyone, waving excitedly. Jun, despite not knowing you very well, is the first to run up and accept your hug, the girls quickly joining in to make it a group endeavor. With a sigh you let go of them all, ushering them into the house.
"Mingyu, be a man and carry the bags in," you say, linking arms with Joy and Jun, Yeri clinging to the former. Mingyu takes a step back to avoid the chain of people flooding through the door.
"I'm not the only man here!"
"Then be the manliest man," Jun jokes. Minghao waves from the stairs, laughing as he watches the four of you trying to maintain your chain as you take your shoes off.
"Where's Mingyu?" Minghao asks.
"Proving his worth," you reply, earning a laugh from him.
"Who am I sharing a room with?" Jun asks, and you shrug.
"Don't know, but it's not me. I paid for that master room!" you say.
"I'm calling dibs on Joy as my roommate!" Yeri chimes in, and you roll your eyes.
"That was the plan anyways, Yeri—"
"I know, I just needed to make sure everyone else knew it!"
As the four of you make your way into the living room, laughing and chattering, Minghao makes the rest of his way down the stairs.
"Need help?"
"Yes!" Mingyu cries, dragging the luggage through the doorway. Minghao chuckles and takes a suitcase in each hand, making his way back into the house.
"Alright, baggage claim is in the dining room," Minghao calls, and as he comes into the living room you watch the others leave. You flop onto the carpeted floor, staring at the ceiling as you listen to their footsteps eventually making their way upstairs.
"Resting after a hard day's work, I see."
"Shh." You press a finger to your lips, closing your eyes as you hear Minghao take a seat beside you. "I took care of the booking and planning, Mingyu does the manual labor. Fair trade."
"Mm. A match made in heaven." You scrunch your nose up in disgust, opening your eyes to fix the lanky boy with an accusatory glare,
"That makes it sound romantic. Try again." Minghao raises an eyebrow, letting out a laugh,
"Teamwork makes the dream work?"
"Better," you say with a nod. It seems as though Minghao is about to say something else, but suddenly Joy calls down the stairs,
"Are you guys going swimming with us?" You look over at Minghao as you sit up, offering a shrug.
"When in Rome," you say, more to him than to Joy. You stand up from your seat on the floor and shoot Joy a thumbs up; she flashes you a broad smile before running back up the stairs. Although Minghao hadn't done more than smile amusedly at your statement, you hear him behind you as you leave the living room — although you simply head down the hallways to your room while he goes upstairs.
After changing into your swimsuit you make your way out onto the porch to slather on sunscreen. Given your prime location and the fact that you've already unpacked all your things, you manage to be the first one out, followed shortly by Minghao and Mingyu.
"Get my back?" you ask, holding the tube out to the first person on the porch. Mingyu eyes it.
"Only if you get mine."
"Deal." Minghao lingers by the door, and you wave him over in front of you, squeezing sunscreen into your palm before passing the tube to Mingyu.
Although you had waved him over like it was nothing, you felt almost immediately embarrassed touching Minghao so casually. It isn't exactly a regular occurrence for you, putting sunscreen on a boy's back.
A cute boy's back.
You try not to think about it too much as you rub the sunscreen in, but when Minghao curls his shoulders forward slightly to make the plane of his back more flat and even for you, you find yourself mesmerized by the way his skin glistens under the bright sunshine. His skin is a warm but light tone, like honey in color and just as smooth. You hesitate for a moment, hands lingering near his shoulder blades, only shaken from your stupor when Mingyu announces that he's done and needs someone to do his back. Hurriedly, you clear your throat, rubbing the last of the sunscreen into Minghao's back in quick circles.
"Done," you announce, softer than you meant to. You barely see Minghao's grateful smile before turning around to Mingyu, trying desperately to hide the blush rising on your cheeks. Maybe you can just blame it on the sun…
Thankfully, the porch is soon crowded with the rest of your friends, all laughing and talking. Joy pulls her hair up into a bun and turns her back to you expectantly almost as soon as you finish with Mingyu's back, and although you roll your eyes you oblige.
Once all of you are properly covered with sunscreen — a fact which Mingyu is sure to double check before letting you all off the porch — you make your way down the beach.
The back porch leads off directly into the sand, although the path to the beach itself is too narrow for you all to walk in anything other than a single file line. That, of course, doesn't stop the conversation from flowing between you all as you follow Mingyu's lead down to the beach. You find yourself acutely aware of Minghao directly behind you, suddenly conscious even of the way you walked, wondering what his sharp gaze might notice about you.
You're snapped out of these thoughts once again by Mingyu — although this time it's out of reflex. Being his friend so long has made you finely attuned to his clumsy ways, and you register him tripping over his own flip flops almost before it even happens, quickly reaching out to grab his elbow. At first, you're so focused on saving your friend from falling flat on his face that you don't notice someone has taken hold of you as well, helping to provide a counterweight for you and your much taller friend.
Mingyu rights himself and chuckles awkwardly under the teasing remarks, flashing you a grateful smile. You glance back at Minghao just as he pulls his hand away.
"Thanks," you say, feeling oddly bashful. Minghao sweeps his windswept bangs out of his eyes, smiling.
"No problem." You stare for a moment too long before nodding and scrambling to catch up with Mingyu just a few steps away, trying to convince yourself that your heart is racing because Mingyu almost broke his nose and not because of a sudden, stupid crush.
It doesn't quite work, but your splashing match with Joy and Yeri takes your mind off of it at least.
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The first afternoon with everyone at the beach house is spent in a relaxed state; after returning from the beach, almost everyone took showers and then naps. Unable to sleep, you simply sprawled out on the couch in the living room with a glass of tea and your laptop in your lap. With your earbuds in, just in case anyone decided they wanted to use the television, you caught up on some recent videos you had missed in the bustle of the past couple of days.
It isn’t until you’ve exhausted your YouTube subscription tab that you find yourself becoming restless, eager for something to do. You go into your room for your wallet, thinking it might be nice to get some ice cream and just walk along the beach, and then you spot the shell from earlier sitting on the top of the dresser beside it. You examine the hole in it once more, smiling as you remember your morning with Minghao. On a moment of impulse, you start digging through your bag until you finally find the necklaces you had packed — or, well, left in the bag from your last trip and hadn’t bothered to put away. You unclasp them both and let the pendants slip off the chains, replacing one with the shell and clasping the other closed again; the other chain you let pool atop the dresser, fully intending to give it to Minghao later.
Only to find said boy standing outside the door to your bedroom, one fist raised in preparation to knock. The two of you jump slightly at the sight of the other, but you quickly dissolve into laughter with Minghao following shortly behind.
“Hey,” you say. “I thought you were napping.” He shakes his head.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he replies. “So I was hoping you’d want to go for a walk.”
“Perfect timing,” you chirp. “I was about to go get some ice cream, care to tag along?” Minghao’s expression slips into a grin, and he chuckles,
“Sure, why not.”
He’s already turned and started towards the front door when you remember the chain on your dresser, and you quickly duck back into your room to retrieve it.
“Wait!” you call, and Minghao does so, looking back at you with a puzzled expression. “Do you still have the shell from earlier?” An amused smile once again makes its way across his face as he notices the chain in your hands.
“Yeah, I think so.” After fishing around in the pocket of his jeans, he brandishes the shell. You eagerly hold out your hands for it, passing him the new jewelry item with pride.
“There, now we can match!” You hook your thumb under your own shell to show Minghao, who only chuckles and shakes his head. However, you think you see a faint wash of pink across his cheeks, even though his hair hides some of his face from you as he looks around for his shoes. You watch him for a moment longer, unable to keep from smiling, before finding your own sandals and slipping them on — only to realize you left your phone in your room.
“I’ll be right back!”
As you dart back to your bedroom, Minghao takes the chain and wraps it twice around his wrist, fashioning it into a bracelet. After pulling the shell around to rest atop his wrist, he pulls out his own phone and snaps a picture of it in front of the window, smiling fondly at the image once he’s cropped it and adjusted the coloring. By the time he’s pocketed his phone, you’ve re-emerged with your own. You slip on your shoes again and offer him a breathless grin,
“Ready?”
“Yeah, my treat,” he says, grinning to himself in amusement as he listens to you whine as you follow him out the door.
“Good morning!” you hear from behind you as you’re putting on your shoes. Just the sound of Minghao’s voice is enough to bring a smile to your face as you stand back up fully.
“Do you ever sleep?” Minghao asks teasingly as he makes the rest of his way down the stairs. You shrug,
“What’s the point of a beach-house if you’re not taking walks on the beach?”
“Or photos,” he adds. You step aside to give Minghao room to put his shoes on, shoving your hands in your pockets. While you wait, you lean back and peer out the windows bordering the front door, smiling when you see that the skies are still relatively dark. The two of you will make it out to the coast just in time to see the sunrise. You rock back on your heels as Minghao stands up, opening the door and motioning for him to lead the way.
It’s quiet as you stroll down the driveway of the house, with even the birds remaining quiet prior to the dawn. Minghao’s camera thumps gently against his chest in tandem with his feet falling on the pavement. As the two of you make your way onto the sand towards the water, you let out a sigh and let your gaze fall on the waves.
“You know, it’s kinda nice to have someone to walk with,” you say.
“Is that your way of saying you like my company, Y/N?” Minghao’s grin is annoyingly smug, and you elbow him slightly, rolling your eyes.
“Don’t get too excited,” you say. “Mingyu still has years over you.” He laughs into the wind, and you watch as he begins to slow his steps, looking for a good place to sit down and take photos. You follow him halfway down the coast before he finally stops in his tracks, squinting out at the sea before finally dropping into a squat. You stand beside him, trying to pick out exactly what he’s taking photos of like a game.
However, after barely becoming settled, your hair starts getting in your face, with the wind seeming to change directions every few seconds rendering it impossible for you to keep it out of your eyes. The only sound to disrupt that of the natural seaside is the shutter of Minghao's camera. As your hair once again whips against your eyes, blocking your view, you let out a frustrated grumble and stoop down behind the Chinese boy. He turns curiously to look at you as you bow your head, and you nudge him,
"Stay put and block the wind for me." You rake your fingers down through the strands, twirling them up into a haphazard bun. With a contented sigh you drop back off your heels to sit in the sand beside Minghao. He grins crookedly at you, eyes curved up into amused crescents.
"What?" You ask, noticing his gaze.
"Your hair's a mess," he says. You open your mouth to respond, but before you can manage to form a word Minghao has let his camera fall back against his chest. His long, slender fingers suddenly reach towards your face, gently tucking some hair behind your ears. As his fingertips skim against your jaw you find yourself falling breathless. Minghao leans back, dipping his chin in a nod of satisfaction at his work. You clear your throat and look back out towards the sea, hoping the light of the rising sun masks your blush.
"It was because of the wind," you grumble. Then, after hearing Minghao's shutter go off once again you mutter, "Thanks."
Out of the corner of your eye you see Minghao smiling smugly, and so you shove him with your elbow — though you yourself can't keep a smile off your face. You draw your knees to your chest and cross your arms atop them, dropping your chin atop them.
With a long breath you close your eyes, the backs of your eyelids burning redder than the sunlight on the sea—
And with them closed you don't see where Minghao's camera is suddenly pointed when the shutter goes off, leaving him smiling to himself as he looks at the image.
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"We should order a pizza," Joy says, lying back on the living room floor. The half-open window lets the evening breeze into the house, and you watch the fan spinning in lazy circles above your heads.
"Ooh, and beer! Do we have beer?" Yeri chimes in, looking towards you. You shrug and jerk your chin towards Mingyu.
"Ask the chef," you say, earning a playful glare from him.
“Fine by me!” Mingyu pipes up, “You all have bottomless pits for stomachs anyways, feeding you is a hassle.”
“But you still love us, right?” Jun asks, and you bat your lashes exaggeratedly at Mingyu,
“Yeah, you still love us, right, mom?”
“Shut up, no child of mine would behave like you do. Or be as ugly,” Mingyu whines, throwing a pillow in your direction. You catch it with a laugh, wrinkling your nose in amusement.
“Mm, you’re right — with your genetics, they’d be even uglier.” Joy and Yeri break into giggles at your words, Jun following suit and Minghao snickering alongside them. Your best friend glares at everyone in the room, folding his arms across his chest with a huff.
“You guys are gonna have to order pizza every night from now on! Such ungrateful children.”
“Alright, someone find a local place that delivers!” Yeri demands, clapping her hands together as everyone continues to laugh at Mingyu’s expense. Minghao pats his shoulder, still chuckling however, as Joy lifts her phone above her face announcing,
“On it!”
The next few minutes pass in a whirlwind of chatter, everyone pitching in their ideas about what pizzas should be ordered until finally your group settles on three — and play through multiple rounds of rock-paper-scissors to determine who’s going to get the beer.
“Here, Mingyu, here’s the money — remember, at least four packs, okay?”
“I hate you all!” he grumbles, but he shoves the money in his pocket regardless as all of you swarm around him, forcing him out the door.
It’s only once you’re all at least a few drinks deep, reclining in the living room full with your stomachs full of pizza, that Yeri suddenly sits up from where she’d been leaning against Joy’s shoulder and makes the animated suggestion:
“We should play truth or dare!” When nobody disagrees with her, she picks up her half-empty bottle of beer and downs the rest before setting it down on its side in front of her. The rest of you shuffle into an approximation of a circle, lopsided and elliptical at best, watching intently as Yeri spins the bottle for the first time.
It lands on Mingyu, who’s still sober enough to take one look at Yeri’s devious grin and choose truth. The game goes on for what seems like forever, and by the time it’s Yeri’s turn to spin again your cheeks and stomach hurt from laughing so much. Breathlessly, you lean against Minghao’s side and watch the bottle spin around, ooh-ing dramatically with the rest of your friends when it lands on Joy.
“Dare,” Joy says without even being asked, looking confidently at Yeri. The youngest grins with the same degree of confidence, smugly announcing,
“I dare you to stare into the eyes of the most attractive person here for as long as possible without reacting!” Your drunken selves all lean in to see Joy’s reaction, which is in exaggerated pout.
“How am I supposed to compete with myself?”
“Yah!” Yeri cries, swatting at the tall girl’s shoulder as Joy dissolves into laughter.
“Okay, okay!” Joy finally says, pushing at Yeri’s hands. “Since you came up with it, why don’t we compete?” Yeri tips her chin up confidently, and you scramble for your phone as the two girls shift so they’re facing one another.
“I have the timer,” you say, before counting down for the competition to start. Barely fifteen seconds pass before Joy begins to slip into a smile, causing your small group to break into disappointed groans.
“Come on, did you even try?” Mingyu laments, and Joy narrows her eyes at him,
“Are you saying you could do better?”
“Anyone could do better!” you chime in, and both Joy and Mingyu turn to you.
“Then let’s all try it,” Yeri suggests, eyes glimmering with mischief. “Everyone find a partner, and we’ll each have a timer. Losers have to clean up!”
You turn to look at Minghao who’s seated beside you, and he offers you a smile as the both of you reposition yourselves. Joy demands a rematch against Yeri, leaving Jun and Mingyu as partners. Once everyone has their stopwatches at the ready and poker faces on, the competition begins, the only sound in the room is the faint music you’d almost forgotten was playing off the smart TV. A new music video starts up as you stare into Minghao’s eyes, and you find yourself lost in the swirls of color reflected there, the bright reflections from the television making his eyes kaleidoscopic.
It’s Jun and Mingyu who end up losing, with Jun taking advantage of Mingyu’s obvious embarrassment by leaning in closer and closer to the tall boy until he falls onto his back on the floor.
“Yah, why were you so close to me?” Your best friend cries, and you bite the inside of your cheek in an attempt to keep from smiling. It proves futile, however, once Jun begins laughing, and you find yourself giggling. You catch a glimpse of Minghao’s smile as you lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, closing your eyes for a moment. He shifts his opposite arm to tap the stop button on the stopwatch app, and silence falls over the room once more for a few seconds. With your eyes closed, you focus on the rhythm of Minghao’s breathing, all other sounds slipping away.
Joy’s victorious cries eventually cause you to lift your head, and you turn to watch her as she excitedly announces the new time — just over one minute. Yeri pouts as Jun affectionately pats her head, and you notice Mingyu is still lying down, one arm laid over his eyes. You lie down on your side, snickering when you see through the gap that his eyes are closed; he’d managed to fall asleep. Of course, being his best friend, you’re quick to point out to everyone that he’s totally passed out, prompting Jun to sneak towards the kitchen in search of a marker. Joy and Yeri follow in search of more beer from the fridge, and you roll onto your back, watching the shadows play across the ceiling for a moment as Minghao stands up to stretch his back and legs. You hear the gentle fluttering of the curtains and feel overcome with a sudden desire to see the ocean once again. Looking up at the Chinese boy, you can’t help but smile, and make the decision to take him along on your little field trip.
"I need fresh air," you declare before rolling onto your stomach and pushing yourself up onto your knees. You hear Minghao huff out a laugh under his breath as he reaches a hand down to help you up, which you accept. The room tilts slightly, and you let out a short laugh as you lean into him, forcing him to bear your weight as he leads you out the back door. Although you’re sure he expects you to stay on the porch, you move immediately towards the stairs. You jump down into the sand, laughing as the grains seem to spring up around your feet. Minghao follows behind you, less energetically. Eventually, you both sit down a few yards from the house, in view of the waves.
You pull your knees up to your chest, resting your chin on your crossed arms. The night air is humid as it rolls off the sea, but not quite warm, leaving your skin feeling sticky yet covered in goosebumps. Out of the corner of your eye you see Minghao pulling out his phone and aiming the camera towards the moon where it shines into the water. You find your gaze drawn to him like the tides to that silvery orb, unable to keep from smiling as you tilt your head to the side. With your cheek pressed against your folded arms you watch him snap photo after photo. After a moment you close your eyes, trying to breathe in time with the waves as they crash along the shore, the only other sound that of Minghao’s phone camera going off intermittently.
"You like taking photos of the beach, don't you?" you say without thinking, cracking one eye open and watching as he pushes his bangs back out of his eyes. Minghao lets out a laugh that's more of a breath than anything,
"I like taking photos of anything beautiful." You giggle, the laughter fading into a sigh as you sprawl out onto your back in the sand. With less alcohol you know that you would be annoyed by the feeling of it sticking to your skin, tangling in your hair — but that's a problem for sober you, morning you. For now, you find yourself content with looking up at the sky. It's cloudless, probably the best view of the stars you've had in years. You can see when Minghao turns his phone off again, plunging you both into darkness.
"Minghao," you say, drawing out the last syllable as far as possible. You like the feeling of saying his name, the openness of it, the smoothness as it rolls off your tongue. The stars above look like they're moving, spinning in lazy circles.
"Hm?"
You watch the spinning stars, laughing a little to yourself. With a sigh, you pull your gaze back down to earth, focusing on Minghao's face. Even with the alcohol in your system, his features are sharp, distinct, attractive.
"I think you're the coolest person I know."
He might be smiling. But before you can say anything more about it, a breeze blows off the water, spewing sand onto your face. You let out a squeal and scramble onto your feet. The sand seems to give way beneath them the moment you stand, but as you dip sideways you find yourself in Minghao's ready arms. He holds onto you for a moment, looking you over for any sign of injuries, and you lock your gaze onto his face. Center yourself. Once he's confident you're not going to keel over, he loosens his grip on you.
"Come on," he says, finally, sighing. "Let's go inside."
Without a word, Minghao takes your hand. Your fingers lace together naturally, and you focus on the warmth of his palm compared to the cool night wind, smiling broadly and unabashedly as you follow him back up onto the porch.
“By the way,” he says, pausing before pulling the sliding door open to let you back in. “I think you’re pretty cool too.” You giggle.
“Is that your way of saying you like me?”
Minghao holds your gaze, and you feel your breath catch in your throat for a moment. But he doesn’t say a word, just gives your hand a squeeze and offers you a playful, mysterious smile before opening the door and pulling you back into the room where Jun is drawing what he calls catstronauts on Mingyu’s arms. As you take a seat, trying not to laugh too loud, Minghao leaves his hand in yours, and the smile remains on your face for the rest of the night.
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yeeharley · 3 years
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day four: when you’re lonely by lovelytheband / no-power au / long distance
Peter stares down at the glowing screen of his phone, clutched tight in his hands, and chokes back a tired sigh.
Harry’s little message box has been filled with the bouncing ‘he’s texting you back don’t freak out’ dots for the last three minutes. He doesn’t understand why it’s taking him so long to get back to him- after all, he’d just asked what he was having for dinner. 
Is that really so complicated?
Harry’s been in France for the last month, he reasons, trying to ignore how desperately he’s reaching. French food is hard to spell and he’d never paid attention in English. Maybe he’s just trying to figure out how to spell something.
God. He’s such a lovesick idiot.
It’s only been a month. One month. A twelfth of the year. That’s not that long, and Harry will come home soon, right? Even it’s just to visit for a little while.
Peter knows this is what Harry wants. Studying abroad in France, a chance to get away from his angry father- what more could he want? He needs space. A chance to adjust and make more friends.
Nothing wrong with him wanting to make more friends. Peter is his boyfriend, and a few more people in his corner couldn’t hurt. Right?
Right.
So why does he feel so damn jealous?
That’s the overly attached, clingy, relationship-addicted clown inside of you, he thinks. He’s being stupid. Just because Harry isn’t constantly paying attention to him doesn’t mean he’s going to leave him.
Space is healthy in relationships.
But Peter is frustrating, and Harry is busy, and he’s just so lonely.
As if it knows how he’s been spiraling, his phone buzzes, dinging with Harry’s special text tone (they’d spent an hour going through their options before landing on an obnoxious klaxon that neither of them would be able to miss). Peter isn’t proud of the way he scrambles to unlock it and read through the text, and when he sees it, he practically deflates.
“idk. hby?”
Five minutes of texting for that.
God.
Wilting, Peter types out pizza before turning his phone off and shoving it into his pocket. He looks out the window at the New York skyline, taking comfort at the fact that Harry’s probably looking at the same stars as he is- but, wait, he isn’t.
Different timezones. It’s got to be at least midnight now, so Harry’s stars are in entirely different spots.
Peter bites his lip, trying to hold back the tears, and leans his elbows on the windowsill before burying his face in his hands. 
May isn’t home yet. Won’t be for a while.
He’s going to be alone for a long time.
Feels like forever, sometimes.
Peter sits there for what seems like forever, forehead sat firmly in his palms, and just. Thinks. Sits. Tries not to cry for hours and hours and May’s still not home, because she’s working the late shift, and his phone is silent because MJ has a girlfriend and Ned is on vacation in Samoa and Flash is out with Abraham and Cindy and God.
He doesn’t think he’s ever felt as empty as this.
The moon travels slowly across the sky in a graceful arc. Peter traces its every move, clinging to the hope that even though Harry’s moon is a little bit ahead of his, he’s looking up at it and thinking about him.
But if he’s thinking about him, why hasn’t he-
Peter’s phone rings, then, piercing the silence like a blade through butter. He fumbles it out of his pocket and flips it so that he can see the name on his screen and nearly sobs when he realizes.
Har-bear.
Numb, careless fingers swipe across the take call button. Peter turns it to speakerphone, stares down at the screen, waits. Waits.
“Babe?”
“Harry,” Peter breathes, holding the phone closer to his face as if it will bring him closer. “Hey.”
“Hi, Peter!” Harry says, and he sounds so happy even though their connection is bad that Peter can’t stop a single traitorous tear from leaking down the side of his nose.
“What’s up, honey?” He asks, trying to keep his voice as level as he can. “You need something?”
“Nah. Just wanted to hear your voice.”
Oh. 
Peter smiles, then, breaking out into an ear-to-ear grin like an absolute dumbass in love, before placing his phone on the windowsill and leaning forward to look up at the stars.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I miss you,” he murmurs, at risk of sounding like a lovesick moron.
But Harry just laughs. There’s a bit of static clouding the line, but nothing could ever drown out the beautiful sound he makes when he laughs- all bells and happy cackling. 
He cackles. Peter giggles.
It works for them.
“I miss you, too, Pete,” Harry says. “Been busy lately, but I still miss you.”
“You do?”
“Of course I do, stupid. I’ll always miss you when I’m gone.”
God. He really loves him.
“How’s France?” Peter asks. A bird- a pigeon, he thinks- coos outside of his window. A gentle breeze wafts through the apartment with the smell of pastries from the bakery across the street.
He’s still alone. But, in the end, he isn’t lonely.
They talk for another hour or so. Harry tells Peter about how weird it is to drive on the other side of the road and how the driver’s seat is on the wrong side of the car and how he nearly crashed into a cement truck the first time he tried. He tells him about a girl he’s met- Gwen, who he thinks MJ would enjoy hanging out with- and a cat that lives in his apartment building rent-free and eats his food. 
Peter tells Harry about how he’s finally going to try to learn how to drive. About how May’s been working nights almost every day so he gets the apartment all to himself. About the haircut he got last week- it’s shorter, with more curls on top than the sides, and Harry says that he’s going to run his hands through it the minute they see each other in the most stupidly flirtatious voice, and Peter laughs and tries to ignore the hot flush in his cheeks.
And then Harry has to go. Before he hangs up, he takes a deep breath- audible even over the thousands of miles between them- and says, “I love you.”
Peter’s voice catches. “Look up at the moon,” he whispers, before doing it himself once Harry’s given an affirmative.
“I’m looking at the same moon,” he says fondly, blowing a kiss up at the bright orb in the sky. “And I love you.”
It’s their first time, and even though they can’t say it face to face, Peter doesn’t think he would change a thing.
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fratboyvivimatthews · 4 years
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say sike right now - trevor zegras 
request: This ones kinda stupid but idk I could see trevor doing something like this: being in a private relationship & randomly deciding to make & post a TikTok w/ u to make it public?
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“y/n, i’m bored,” trevor whined from his place in your lap. his blue eyes looking up at you with a pout on his face. “and you’re not even paying attention to me,” he huffed with an eye roll, head turning so he was looking over at the tv and not up at you. 
sighing you ran your hands through his hair before smiling down at him, “and what do you suggest we do tz? because i hate to break it to you bubs but i’m all cuddled out for now.” a grumble fell past your boyfriend of eight months lips before he looked back up at you while the two of you lounged around around the couch in his parents home “so what do you wanna do trev?” you asked once more. leaning over and pressing a kiss against his forehead. 
“let’s make a tik tok,” he smiled before sitting up straight and leaning his head down on to your shoulder. “i have nothing on my tik tok, and we need a way to go public because i think it’s time,” he explained with a cheeky smile, his blue eyes looking to your lips then up to your eyes. 
your eyes went wide as soon as you processed what he had just said, “you want to go public trev?” immediately your hands were cupping his cheeks, thumbs running over his cheek bones. “like for real?” 
he nodded his head before breaking into a wider smile, “only if you want to y/n/n.” when you nodded your head trevor turned his head to press a kiss to the inside of your palms. “i just feel like it’s time, and doing it on tik tok would be hilarious since everyone would be expecting a post on instagram.” 
“do you have a tik tok in mind?” you questioned with a small giggle as he rested his forehead down against yours. part of you had been waiting for trevor to say this since you had started dating, but the other part of you was so happy he wanted to keep it private for a small amount of time before the whole hockey world found out. not to mention you just wanted to be able to post all of the cute pictures you had of him and together. likes ones after his games, pre game naps, random snapchat selfies, the one vacation you went on, and most importantly the one of him kissing you under the mistletoe from christmas. 
“i have just the one,” trevor smirked before reaching over to press a kiss against your lips. “hand me my phone and i’ll show you it.” 
and that’s how you ended up sitting across from trevor, eating take out from chipotle while he started filming his tik tok. “trev, i don’t really think this part needs to be redone so many times. one clip will work perfectly fine,” you commented before a fork full of your bowl into your mouth. “i’m sure i look super cute and that’s what you’re worried about because you want to show me off, so let’s just finish eating lunch and we can go flim us kissing, yeah?” 
“no because i have to make it last a couple seconds for when i add the captions to it, that’s why i had it on my face for so long before i turned it on to you,” he pointed out, eyes staring down at his phone to make sure it was long enough. “okay it’s good, so now we can enough lunch together.” you couldn’t help but laugh as you rolled your eyes over at him. 
“and here i thought we were already enjoying lunch together z,” you teased, finally being able to reaching over and grab his hands since the camera was no longer rolling. 
looking down at his bowl of food he gave a shy smile to himself, “i can’t enjoy it unless i’m holding your hand now.” an awe slipped past your lips as your grabbed trevor’s hand to press a kiss against it. 
“who are you and what have you done with the real trevor zegras because he would never be this sweet,” you taunted before setting your interlaced hands back down on the table. trevor shot you a glare before you leaned back in your chair with a smile, “there’s my boy.” you smiled before taking the last couple bites of your food. “so are we going to go kiss now?” 
trevor’s blue eyes went wide as he stared over at you, “somebody’s eagar to make out.” shrugging your shoulders you stood up from the table and grabbed your garbage to throw it away. before walking into the living room. you sat yourself down across from the tv, making sure that there was something on the coffee table trevor could use to prop his phone up for the tik tok. 
when he finally walked into the living room you already had an old recorded hockey game on tv to make it seem like the two of you were just chilling and hanging out. “okay trev we can’t laugh when we do this or we’re screwed,” you said while he sat down a couple feet away from you but still in the camera frame. 
“i should be telling you that y/n, but get ready i’m about to start the timer.” everything started off good, until you saw trevor move from the corner of your eye and you couldn’t help but start laughing at how staged all of this was. “y/n!” trevor whined before leaning on top of you, “you’re ruining this.” 
you pressed a kiss against his jutted out bottom lip before pulling away, “just roll it again, i’ll be serious this time, i promise.” huffing out a small ‘hmp’ trevor pulled away from your body and back to delete the clip before restarting the timer. this time you did as promised, keeping up a serious act and when trevor finally leaned into kiss you, you acted surprised before kissing him back. and when he started to pull away from you, your right hand grabbed his chain, your left going through his hair as you stared at each other and you smiled up at him, before pulling his lips back down to yours. 
you were almost positive that the video had ended, but trevor’s lips hadn’t left yours, and your weren’t complaining one bit about it. instead you moaned into the kiss as he laid you down flat on the couch. when his lips left yours to start kissing down your neck you had to bite your lip in order to prevent any moans from slipping out. “tz, you’re forgetting about your tik tok,” you whispered, not trusting your voice fully and having no idea where any of his family was in the house. 
“okay fine,” he grumbled before sitting up so his legs were on either side of yours. “but don’t think i’m letting you off the hook that easily. i’m finishing what i started, got it?” 
“got it.” 
trevor got off the couch completely before grabbing his own and sitting on the rug, going right to work on making his tik tok perfect. sitting up you leaned over to watch as was just about done, all that was left was for him to type the caption, which he put ‘happy eight months sweetheart:)’. and almost as soon as he posted it the comments and likes were flooding the video. not to mention the fact your friends that didn’t know you guys were dating yet were blowing up your phones. 
“are you kidding me, you guys?” ava asked while walking into the room, the tik tok pulled up on her phone. “that’s a real mature way to go public. what are you five?” 
“i’m nineteen actually ava, thank you very much,” trevor sassed, before leaning his back in between your legs. “and plus it’s an original way to go public.” 
shaking her head she walked away, “it’s something that’s for sure.” 
once she was gone trevor’s eyes looked up at you with a mischievous look in them, “now that the tik tok’s posted where were we?”
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purplesurveys · 3 years
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1127
1. What is one thing you will never do again? Watch The Hours. Film itself is great, but is way too triggering.
2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? I’d take happiness easily. It’s not bad for the most part to make mistakes and I’d rather be too clumsy than be altogether miserable.
3. What happened the last time you cried? It was the day of what would’ve been our anniversary and at that moment I was alone in my car at a parking lot (waiting for the office to open) on a gloomy day. I just had to cry and let my feelings out for like 5 minutes to accept everything but I was immediately fine afterwards, haha. Grief can be funny.
4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? My first job interview. It was my first adult thing ever. They never got back to me - very professional of them - but I was still grateful for the experience nonetheless.
5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? That I was in a whole ass relationship for technically 6 1/2 years. They probably have an inkling by now, but only about me being in a relationship. I’m sure they would be very surprised if they ever found out how long it had actually gone for.
6. What’s your worst habit? I pick at my toenails when I’m nervous or stressed. I tend to do this when I’m doing a work task that I particularly dread, and sometimes I’ll end up being fixated on the habit for like 10 minutes straight and not get anything done.
7. What superpower would you have for one day? Time travel, just to take quick trips to multiple decades and see how life was like during those times.
8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? Matty from 13 Going on 30 would be one of them. Albert Finney’s character in Two for the Road is also charming as fuck.
9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? If money wasn’t an issue, probably somewhere cozy in like Switzerland or Canada.
10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve? Not necessarily a pet peeve but I get extremely uncomfortable when someone hands me a gift then they insult the gift while in front of me, saying it’s not a great gift or that I probably don’t need it, etc. Filipinos also have this habit of saying something along the lines of, “You earn way more than me so you’d probably think this gift sucks” like how do you want me to react :(((((( I love receiving gifts and the idea of being thought about already means a lot to me, so it just makes me wince a little bit when I hear statements like the above.
11. Who knows you the best? Gabie, probably. I’ve changed a lot since then, though.
12. What after school activities did you do in high school? Clubs were mandatory extracurricular activities in my high school; in my time, I joined the table tennis and yearbook clubs.
13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive? Idk, we didn’t have those in school. I probably would have been honored to get a journalism-themed one though; something like Most Likely To Write for NYT or Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer or something like that. Obviously that’s changed now and I’ve long let go of journalism as a passion.
14. What’s the last book you really loved? I haven’t read in a long, long while.
15. What was the greatest television show of all time? I don’t watch a lot of TV so I’m not the most credible decision-making body for this lol, but out of all the shows I’ve watched the best one would easily be Breaking Bad.
16. What’s been your favorite age so far? 16. Life was insanely easygoing back then and everything fell into place for me at the time.
17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self? Know when it’s enough. Be kind to yourself.
18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Have kids.
19. Apologize or ask permission? I don’t understand the relationship between the two.
20. Unlimited love or money? I would love to never have to worry about finances ever again.
21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do? Take a week-long leave for work, spend all my money, bond with my dogs, throw a party for my closest friends, and honestly, make my peace with her.
22. What’s your most listened to song? Spotify doesn’t show that feature, but I bet it’s from Paramore or Hayley anyway. It would be impossible to know my most-listened to song of all time, like if we took into account my Spotify, iTunes, etc.
23. Beach vacation or European vacation? I need a beach vacation badly, but a European vacation would be a new and different experience. I’d take the latter.
24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Playing the piano.
25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Depends on how much I won lmao. I’d probably retire this early if the money was big enough since I’m pretty stingy anyway. But generally, I would like to pay off whatever bills my parents are currently paying for, get back the car that we had to sell because of the pandemic, and maybe go for a solo vacation or five heheh.
26. What celebrity would you trade lives with? Kylie Jenner, for a day. Just so I can briefly have a taste of how being that rich is like.
27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? Nope.
28. What story do your friends still give you crap about? Staying with Gab despite the red flags that glared for four whole years is one of them. Angela will also never let go of that one time I tried some kind of fruit juice in high school and I described it as ‘packs a punch.’ It’s understood as a super Westernized idiom where I live and literally no one uses it in a casual sentence, so it was a hit with her and now we use ‘packs a punch’ whenever we want to describe something awesome or surprising.
29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Mayonnaise and I will die on this mayonnaise-coated hill.
30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night? Ideally? At this point? Like 20. I would love for that to be the case on the first Friday we can consider the Philippines COVID-free.
31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far? Sorry for yet another incoming Paramore reference but they literally have a lyric that goes, “22 is like, the worst idea that I have ever had.” Before turning 22 I used to think it was a weird line, like how could 22 possibly be unenjoyable? Now I’m 22 in a pandemic going through a rough breakup and I can’t even see my friends nor work in my first workplace ever.
32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? If they wanted only cats as pets. I can deal with a dog and a cat, I guess; but cats were never fond of me so I feel like I’d struggle with this situation lol.
33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Mr. Peanutbutterrrrrrr. Has a lot of love to give, doesn’t always use it on the right people. Also lives on pleasing others.
34. Do you believe in karma? Just to a tiny extent, in how I would want people’s awful actions to come bite them in the ass one day. It’s not a philosophy that controls my life and the things I do whatsoever.
35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? My absolute favorite was Hi-5, with the original cast. As I got older my interests shifted to Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents.
36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person? I don’t think it’s weird, but I don’t hear thighs too often when people list down their favorite physical traits. It’s certainly one of mine.
37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem? A Friends-themed one, obviously. This reminds me of the Jeopardy night I had with some friends a few nights ago! That was so much fun, and Andi makes really great and fun questions hahaha.
38. What is something you’re superstitious about? I don’t think I am about anything.
39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? Maybe that night my grandpa went into a drunk rampage. I was 9, right in his line of sight, frozen and scared shitless, and I didn’t know who he was going to strike next.
40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? I never really think about this. If someone’s a non-politician then there must be a reason they aren’t, lol.
41. What cheesey song do you have memorized? Little Things by One Direction is very cheesy and it’s one of my least favorite songs of theirs, but I still have it memorized out of habit.
42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible? My great-grandpa died all the way back in the 70s, even before some of my aunts and uncles could meet him. It would be cool to spend time with him.
43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? Yeah, absolutely. I have the stomach for it lol, so I always monitor what’s happening locally and globally. Skipping the news from time to time is fine because I get how anxiety-inducing and depressing some events can be, but there’s a huge difference between ignoring the news for your mental health and being indifferent altogether. I’d immediately judge anyone who’s the latter, and would assume you are incredibly privileged.
44. What is the best present you could ever receive? My money refunded -____________- I had food delivered to my director, Bea’s house as a surprise earlier today, but apparently I ran into a scammer driver and the fucker drove away with the meal I had bought for Bea. I reported the driver and the situation, and thankfully the customer service rep of the food delivery app quickly responded and said they’d return the full amount I paid for; but I still haven’t received it.
45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? No. Mobile data exists for a reason.
46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Check out my voice.
47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? I’d love to surprise Angela with an overseas trip that would last for like a month. Traveling is one thing we have yet to do as best friends.
48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you? Nothing particular, but it makes me happy when people call me strong and when they validate the shit I’ve gone through over the years.
49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? I would take the giant house. When it comes to my own place, I would want to have a lot of space to roam around.
50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? Nothing is coming to mind.
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creampuffqueen · 4 years
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The Most Magical Place- Chapter One
a/n: alright everyone, here it is! A random pet project that just popped into my brain one day. This is a TLC modern au, plus gen 2, where they all go to Disney World together. Chaos. If this isn’t your thing, sorry? Idk don’t read it then. But I’m excited that I was able to finish the first chapter! Now, the characters mention a lake house a few times, and basically there’s another fic in the same universe I’m working on, but haven’t been as successful at writing full chapters. So hopefully that will come out one day as well! For now, I hope you enjoy this!
~~~~
“Hey, sorry we’re late.” Cinder laughed as she entered the virtual meeting, the faces of all her friends loading up. 
“Badar’s teething right now, and with all his crying Peony couldn’t sleep.” Kai explained further.
“It’s no problem, guys.” Scarlet’s red hair was loose as she laid on her bed, Wolf resting his head on her shoulder. In another frame, Winter was doing the same to Jacin, while in the third Thorne had an arm wrapped around Cress while she nursed their newest little one.
“Speaking of babies, can I say hi to Cassie?” Kai grinned.
Thorne chuckled and tipped the camera, while Cress smiled and covered herself up so all they could see was the baby.
Cassiopeia Autumn Thorne, they called her. A big name for such a tiny baby. Everything about her screamed Cress, except for her hair being the same light brown as her father’s.
“Cress, she’s so precious.” Cinder cooed, as if the infant could hear her through the camera. Little Cassie was obviously nearly asleep, her eyes closed as she suckled.
Thorne tilted the camera away again, and the conversation dissolved into laughter as the friends recounted stories of the day, or the week, or the month.
“I swear, I have never seen a child with less self-preservation skills!” Scarlet said, though her tone was teasing and she rolled her eyes. “It’s like I turn around for one second and suddenly Baylor’s dancing on the roof.”
“Yesterday she started a tree-climbing contest and got both of her brothers stuck in a tree.” Wolf sighed. Scarlet hummed softly, combing her fingers gently through her husband’s hair.
“Well last week Peony tried to slide down the banister while holding Badar. If I hadn’t walked out of my room when I did I could have had two kids in the hospital!” Kai said. 
Winter nodded from her perch, which had become Jacin’s lap. “The kids are restless. It’s getting into the springtime and all they want to do is play outside. It’s a miracle if I can get Evret to focus on his schoolwork.”
“Spring break is coming up for us in about a month, luckily.” Scarlet told the group. “But we don’t have anything big planned, so hopefully the kids aren’t too upset.”
“What dates are your spring break?” Cress asked. “Maybe we can drive over to your place for a day or two.”
“Does that mean I get to hold that baby?” Scarlet chuckled.
As if she knew she was being talked about, Cassie gurgled over the camera, causing both Scarlet and Wolf to start cooing at her.
“Hold that thought, Scarlet. I’m going to go put her down.” Cress stood and walked out of the room, rocking her daughter gently in her arms. 
“You have spring break next month, too?” Winter said, brow furrowing. “We don’t all usually have the same spring break.”
“Ours is next month as well.” Cinder added. She pulled out her phone and opened the calendar app, showing the week that was highlighted in green. 
“Yeah, those are our break dates.” Scarlet’s voice was almost confused as she continued. “We’ve never all had spring break at the same time before.”
Before she could finish her thought, Cress came back in the room, arms no longer full of baby. 
“All three of us have spring break the same week.” Winter informed her. “That never happens.”
“So, are you saying you want to do something all together?” Thorne asked. “Because that’s kind of what it sounds like you’re saying.”
“Do you not want to do something together?” Jacin snorted. 
“You are putting words into my mouth.” Thorne stated, crossing his arms playfully. “That is not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?” 
“I’m saying,” Thorne continued, “That we might have had some plans for that week.”
“But Cress, didn’t you say you could come drive up and see us?” Wolf questioned.
“Well, the plans aren’t solid ones.” Cress shrugged. “But, we thought that me might take the kids to Disney this spring before it got too full with the summer crowd.”
“Oh, I love Disney World!” Winter laughed. “Cinder and I took the big kids a few years back, and we had so much fun!”
“Yeah, fun.” Jacin retorted. “Veda had a meltdown every single day because she wanted to buy all of the toys. That park is just a giant Disney advertisement.”
“Okay, but Veda was also five years old.” Kai said to the computer screen. “If we went again it would probably be a lot more fun.”
“We’ve never been to Disney World.” Wolf stated thoughtfully. “It’s just always so busy on the farm.”
“Couldn’t you just get Émelie and Iko to watch it for a week?” Winter said helpfully. 
“Well, we could, but what are we even talking about anymore?” Scarlet asked. 
“All of us going to Disney World together!”
There was a long pause in the conversation. All of the friends on the group call nervously glanced at each other, as if gauging their reactions. 
But finally, Scarlet spoke up again.
“We can’t. Paying for seven people going to Disney- it’s just not possible.”
“Hey, resident rich guy here.” Kai said. He normally hated bringing it up, just how well-off he and Cinder were. But now-
“Kai, you don’t have to do that.” Wolf sighed. “Besides, the triplets are little right now, it would probably be overwhelming.”
“Well, I don’t think that Disney is ready for Baylor, personally.” Scarlet joked, trying to lighten the mood.
“No, I’m serious.” Kai told them. Glancing over at Cress and Thorne, he repeated himself. “And I’d pay for your family, too, if you needed it.”
“Why Disney, though?” Cinder snorted. 
“Because I love Disney!” Her husband protested. Cinder laughed and leaned into him, smiling when Kai automatically kissed her head. “And besides, we haven’t all done something together since last year. I mean, Cress and Thorne had time to have a baby before we got all of our families together.”
“Okay, the whole having-a-baby thing wasn’t planned.” Thorne chuckled. “Buy Kai’s right. We haven’t all been together with the kids since the lake house last year.”
“As fun as that was,” Jacin added, while Winter curled around his back to start braiding his blond hair, “I could do with not sharing a house with a dozen children.”
“Same.” Cinder agreed. “I swear, every morning there were at least three kids knocking down our door.”
Cress had a thoughtful look on her face, her blue eyes suddenly distant. Cinder opened her mouth to ask what she was thinking, but Cress’s husband beat her to it.
“Are you planning something?”
“Maybe.” Cress said, almost dreamily. Thorne glanced back at his camera.
“I’m gonna put Cress to bed so she can at least get some sleep while she’s planning.”
“I’m going to be up in a few hours anyway to feed Cassie.” Cress argued, pulling away suddenly and stepping out of the room. She was only gone for a second before she was back, this time with her laptop.
“Ok Cress.” Kai spoke. “You let us know what you’re thinking in the morning, okay?”
The small woman nodded, typing furiously at speeds that made her hands seem like a blur. Thorne said his own goodnight and logged off.
“Well, for the record, I would love to do another vacation with all of our families.” Kai said. “Even if it’s not to Disney World.”
~~~~
Cress called them all three days later, a group video chat from her phone while she walked around her RV, Cassie strapped to her chest and Sage on her hip. 
“Okay, so I did some research- Astra, feet off the couch!- and I managed to find a way for all of us to take a Disney trip together!”
“We’re going to Disney?” Carson cheered from the background.
Cress ignored his question, instead walking over to the cupboard and pulling out a box of crackers, somehow balancing a little kid, a phone, and a snack at the same time, all with a baby on her chest. 
“Cress, that’s great!” Winter grinned. Kai had a similar reaction, and both Wolf and Scarlet looked fairly excited. For Cinder and Jacin, however, they were going to need some more convincing. 
“I got a trip planner to do some calculations and make some suggestions, and it turns out that we can make it a six day trip, and still have three days to spend time at home during the break!”
“So I’d have to take a week off of work, basically?” Jacin asked. Cinder couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. 
“Jacin, don’t be a party pooper!” Winter protested. “You were already going to take spring break off so we could do something fun as a family!”
“Mommy!” The loud voice came from Scarlet’s end, and the redheaded woman turned around just in time to have her triplets come crashing into her. 
“Okay, I’ve gotta go.” She said to everyone. “I think that it would be fun for us all to go to Disney World together. Just text or email us the details so we know what everyone else is doing.”
“We’re going to Disney World?” Alix asked, just before the call ended. 
“Here, I’ll email everyone what I found out, and we can decide what to do.” Cress told them. She set Sage down on the couch with Astra, handing them both the box of crackers she’d procured. 
And before Cinder could add anything else, Cress had ended the call and plunged her screen into darkness. 
~~~~
“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this.” Cinder muttered, yet again, as she and Kai wrapped up two small presents. 
“C’mon, it’s going to be fun!” Kai insisted, yet again.
Cinder tied the bow on Badar’s present and rolled her eyes. “Badar won’t remember a single thing that goes on the entire trip.”
“But Peony will. And we’ll take tons of pictures so he can look back on it when he’s older.”
Cinder just sighed and put the present on top of Peony’s. 
Somehow, in the last month, all of their plans had fallen into place and everything had been confirmed. They were going to Disney World for spring break, and taking all of their kids with them. 
Cress, Kai, and Winter had been by far the most enthusiastic, Scarlet, Wolf, and Thorne admitting they were excited. Cinder and Jacin, however, were insistent that it was going to be terrible, trying to wrangle 14 children of varying ages around Disney’s various parks. 
Jacin and Cinder had been mostly ignored in their protests. 
And the day before, Cress had mailed them all a few things. Their Magic Bands, mainly, so they didn’t have to carry money around the park and could access their Fast Passes more easily. 
But also included in the package: shirts.
Light blue t-shirts that read on the front “Rampion Crew Disney Trip” and said the person’s name on the back. When Cress had told her about making matching shirts, Cinder had thought it was a joke. 
The shirts were sort of cute, at least. The light blue color would go well with everyone’s complexion. 
Years ago, when they’d all met in college, it was Thorne who had dubbed their friend group “The Rampion Crew”. The Rampion was an old RV he’d bought, and during the summer they would travel around in it, drinking and laughing and having an absolute blast. 
Thorne and Cress had fixed up the Rampion when they got married and now lived in it, somehow managing to fit four children comfortably inside. They traveled all over, homeschooling their kids on the road. 
The Rampion Crew was a bit of an inside joke now. All of their children owned a shirt that said “Member of the Rampion Crew since-” and then their birthdays. So Cinder supposed it was only fitting that the Rampion Crew made a reappearance for their Disney trip. 
“Mom, what’s for breakfast?” Peony popped her head inside their bedroom, and Cinder could see that she held Badar on her hip. 
“Fix yourselves some oatmeal real quick and we’ll be out in a minute.” Kai told her, hiding the presents behind his back.
Peony nodded and walked away, talking to Badar as she brought him to the kitchen. 
Kai fussed at the wrapping for a moment longer, making sure everything was perfect, before he and Cinder walked out into the kitchen, joining their children.
Badar was in his high chair, sucking on a spoon as Peony put the bowls of oatmeal in the microwave. Cinder put the two boxes down on the table and got out her phone, pulling up the camera.
Peony sang to herself, her little brother banging his spoon on his high chair in anticipation. When the microwave beeped and the oatmeal was taken out, Peony turned around to stir in some butter and cream when she noticed the presents.
“Who are those for? Is it someone’s birthday?”
“Nope.” Kai grinned. “They’re for you and your brother.”
Peony stopped stirring the oatmeal. She picked up the larger box, seeing the tag with her name on it. Glancing up at her parents one last time, as if making sure she wasn’t doing anything wrong, she pulled off the bow and the wrapping paper. 
Badar peeked over shoulder, still sucking on the spoon while Peony opened up the box.
Inside, the white Magic Band with Mickey Mouse decals was on top of the neatly folded blue shirt. Peony lifted both out, looking them over curiously.
Cinder could see the exact moment her daughter realized what was going on. Her brown eyes widened, her mouth falling open into a little ‘o’ shape.
“Are we going to Disney?”
“We are!” Kai cheered, and Peony’s surprise dissolved instantly into excitement. Cinder was able to snap a few photos of her daughter jumping around, shouting happily. 
Badar, though he didn’t understand what was going on, was still excited by his sister, and he banged the spoon on his chair and screamed with her. 
“BoBo! We’re going to Disney World!” Peony said, using her nickname for her brother. Badar cooed at her, and she pulled him up to kiss his little cheeks. 
It took a few more minutes for everyone to calm down and eat, and Cinder sent the photos to the group chat, with ‘looks like someone’s excited’.
Minutes later, other pictures and videos flooded the chat. The funniest was Scarlet’s text, who sent a video of Baylor and Alix fighting over the Merida dress Scarlet had bought for the triplets.
Seeing the excitement of all the kids, from the biggest to the littlest, was making Cinder reconsider her standpoint, just a bit.
Maybe taking 14 kids to Disney World wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
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Stayed single almost the whole year? 2015: You fucking know it
2016: Same
2017: Almost
2018: Almost, no official relationships or anything
2019: I was taken for most of the year!
2020: Nope! I had a boyfriend the whole year :)
Were involved In something you’ll never forget? 2015: Yeah
2016: Yeah, band
2017: My film class
2018: Yeah, Macy’s and the film stuff I did and my house
2019: The B Flat
2020: My relationship, other than that this year was uneventful
Tripped over a coffee table? 2015: Most likely
2016: I can’t recall but probably
2017: There’s like a 98% chance I did
2018: Definitely
2019: Yup, and all the tables at work
2020: Hit my toe on a table leg and it hurt for weeks
Dyed your hair? 2015: No
2016: No
2017: No
2018: No but planning on it
2019: Kinda but it didn’t really take
2020: No
Came close to losing your life? 2015: No
2016: A car cut me off at a crosswalk so maybe
2017: Probably not
2018: No
2019: No
2020: Not unless I was exposed to covid
Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? 2015: No
2016: No
2017: No
2018: No
2019: I saw some musicals live
2020: No
2015/16/17/18/19/20: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…
Did you meet any new friends this year? 2015: Yeah I did, and I got closer to old friends
2016: Yeah
2017: Yeah
2018: Yeah
2019: A couple
2020: I met some friends online in an Among Us group
Did you hate anyone? 2015: Not really hate, but dislike
2016: Same
2017: Yeah kinda
2018: I really didn’t like a coworker (but now we are friends) and a friend’s girlfriend (who I still don’t like)
2019: Not actively
2020: I hate Trump and Mitch McConnell
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? 2015: I wish I could have found roommates
2016: I wish I had gotten closer to people on my study abroad. But my roommate was nice and I still talk to her every so often, so that’s cool. A note on last year, I’m glad I didn’t end up living with the friends I was thinking about living with because their apartment got condemned and they had to move to a suburb and commute to school, then one got a girlfriend and moved out and the other one is with her boyfriend a lot so I would have been stuck all by myself out in the middle of nowhere
2017: I kind of regret not getting closer to my roommates
2018: I regret that I don’t value some of them as much as I should
2019: Not spending more time with them once I got a boyfriend. I swore I wouldn’t be that person who ditches their friends once they get into a relationship
2020: I wish it hadn’t gone to shit in my house because of covid
Did you miss any friends? 2015: A little
2016: A little
2017: A little
2018: A little
2019: Yes but it turned out she was just out of the country
2020: I miss all my friends
2015/16/17/18/19/20: YOUR BIRTHDAY…
Did you have a cake? 2015: It had a piece of cake
2016: No, I had IHOP
2017: No, I had pancakes
2018: No, I had chocolate mousse
2019: Yes
2020: Bundt cake
Did you have a party? 2015: No, I went to Vegas
2016: No, I went to brunch with my parents then played in my last home football game as part of the band
2017: Kinda, we did an escape room and then went to dinner
2018: No, just a couple of friends out to dinner
2019: We went to an escape room a couple weeks later because my actual birthday got snowed out
2020: No because of covid
Did you get any presents? 2015: Yeah
2016: Yeah, and a win
2017: Yeah
2018: Yeah a few
2019: Yeah
2020: Yeah
2015/16/17/18/19/20: ALL ABOUT YOU…
Did you change at all this year? 2015: I believe so
2016: I’m sure I did
2017: I’m sure I will always change
2018: Yes but not as much as I had hoped or in the ways I wanted
2019: Probably a little
2020: I got worse
Were you in school? 2015: Yes
2016: Yes
2017: For part of the year but then I gruaduated
2018: No
2019: No
2020: No
Did you own a car? 2015: No
2016: No
2017: No
2018: No
2019: No
2020: I bought a car in September!
Did anyone close to you give birth? 2015: No
2016: Not really close, but my mom’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter did
2017: No
2018: No but I’m starting to be friends with people who have kids
2019: No
2020: No
Did you go on any vacations? 2015: Yeah, I went on 2 road trips and I think a couple others
2016: I studied abroad in Italy and went on 2 away trips with the band, and about to go on a third
2017: I went to London, New Orleans, and Wyoming for the eclipse
2018: I went to Las Vegas for a film shoot
2019: I went to Israel and a few smaller trips
2020: I went to Harry Potter World with my boyfriend 
2015/16/17/18/1920: WRAP UP…
Was 2015/16/17/18/19/20 a good year? 2015: It was better than 2014
2016: Not as good as I hoped, but some things were good. The football team had a really good year
2017: It was pretty good. The football team did not have as good a year
2018: Overall I think so
2019: It was alright
2020: No
Do you think 2016/17/18/19/20/21 will top 2015/16/17/18/19/20? 2015: I hope so
2016: I hope so
2017: I’m not sure, but I hope so
2018: I hope so, I kind of have a good feeling about it
2019: I hope so
2020: God I fucking hope so
IN THE YEAR 2015/16/17/18/19/20 I CONFESS THAT I…
Kissed in the snow? 2015: No
2016: Still no
2017: No, but there’s still time
2018: No
2019: Yep!
2020: I can’t remember
Done something you’ve regretted? 2015: Slightly
2016: Some things, but nothing big
2017: Probably
2018: Yes
2019: Probably
2020: Nothing major
Painted a picture? 2015: Yes, with watercolors with some girls in my hall
2016: I can’t recall
2017: No
2018: No
2019: Yes, with wax
2020: Don’t think so
Wrote a poem? 2015: Yes
2016: Yes. Only one or two though, not nearly as much as I used to
2017: I don’t think so actually
2018: I don’t think so
2019: No
2020: Don’t think so
Ran a mile? 2015: Nope
2016: I probably did cumulatively, in all of 2016, run a total of at least a mile. But not on its own, no
2017: Maybe on the elliptical
2018: On the elliptical
2019: On the elliptical probably
2020: No
Visited a foreign country? 2015: No
2016: Yes, Italy
2017: Yes, England and France
2018: No
2019: Yes, Israel
2020: No
Cut in a line of waiting people? 2015: Probably by accident
2016: Probably
2017: Probably
2018: Probably
2019: Maybe
2020: Don’t think so
IN 2015/16/17/18/19/20 I…
Broke a promise? 2015: Probably
2016: Probably
2017: Probably
2018: Probably
2019: Probably
2020: I’m sure I did
Lied? 2015: Probably
2016: Probably
2017: Yes
2018: Yes, but just little white lies
2019: Yes
2020: Maybe just little white lies
Disappointed someone close? 2015: Probably, I know I disappointed my parents a couple times
2016: Probably
2017: I know I disappointed my parents a couple times
2018: Probably
2019: Probably my boyfriend a few times
2020: I’m sure I did
Had a secret? 2015: Not really
2016: A couple
2017: Not really
2018: Maybe kinda
2019: Not anything big reallyy
2020: Not really
Pretended to be happy? 2015: Yes
2016: Sometimes
2017: Sometimes
2018: Yes, when I needed to
2019: Sometimes
2020: Occasionally, but didn’t really try
Slept under the stars? 2015: In a tent
2016: Don’t think so
2017: In a tent
2018: No
2019: In a tent community
2020: No
Kept your new year’s resolution? 2015: Some of them
2016: Probably a few of them
2017: Probably some
2018: I don’t even remember what they were
2019: Some of them
2020: A few of them
Forgot your new year’s resolution? 2015: I wrote them down
2016: Yes
2017: Yep
2018: Did I even make one?
2019: I wrote them down
2020: I wrote them down
Met someone who changed your life? 2015: Yes
2016: Probably
2017: Yes
2018: I’m sure I did
2019: Didn’t meet him this year but he has
2020: Not that I know of
Changed your outlook on life? 2015: I believe so
2016: Maybe for the worse. Hopefully I’ll get over that
2017: Maybe
2018: Idk
2019: Not really
2020: I think I got disenfranchised with capitalism and feared death more
Sat home all day doing nothing? 2015: Yup
2016: Yup
2017: I’m sure I did
2018: Probably but not enough
2019: Yup
2020: Like most days
Learned something new about yourself? 2015: Yes
2016: Probably
2017: Maybe
2018: Maybe
2019: I learned what I’m like in a relationship
2020: Probably
Met great people? 2015: Yeah!
2016: Yep!
2017: Yep!
2018: Yep!
2019: I think so, I honestly can’t remember who I met when
2020: Didn’t meet a ton of people
Kissed someone that means a lot to you? 2015: Yes, unfortunately I don’t mean a lot to him anymore. Not even sure if I did then
2016: No. I mean, I kissed one of my friends drunkenly, an she means a lot to me as a friend, but no one romantically
2017: I’m not sure yet how much he means to me. But we are dating
2018: Yes, but so far I’m not sure whether he means a lot to me as a friend or as a romantic interest
2019: Yes!
2020: Yes :)
Stayed up till sunrise? 2015: Yes
2016: Yes
2017: Yes, on my film project. I couldn’t even see the sunrise, I just walked outside and it was daytime
2018: Yes on a film shoot
2019: Probably
2020: Yes
Cried over the silliest thing? 2015: I’m sure I did when I was PMSing
2016: Yes
2017: Yes
2018: Yes
2019: Too often
2020: Yes
Had friends who were drifting away from you? 2015: Yes
2016: Yes
2017: Yes
2018: Yeah Kylie kind of did
2019: Kylie and Shaina
2020: Yes, especially my roommates
Had a high cell phone bill? 2015: Not too bad
2016: It increased a bit, but my parents pay most of it
2017: It decreased because the phone itself got paid off
2018: Lol I still have to pay that
2019: I think it’s the same
2020: No, I don’t remember if I even paid my dad
Spent most of your money on food? 2015: Quite a bit
2016: That and clothes I don’t need
2017: No, rent
2018: No, rent and shit from Macy’s
2019: Not most of it
2020: Mostly rent
Had a fist fight? 2015: No
2016: No
2017: No
2018: No
2019: No
2020: No
Gotten sick? 2015: Yeah for like half this entire semester. Also got shingles over the summer
2016: Still dealing with my immune system’s decision to just fucking walk out
2017: yes, but not so much now that I’m not in school
2018: Yes, I had a cough that lasted 2 months
2019: I had the stomach flu
2020: I think I had a cold once, it was kind of nice not getting sick every month this year
Liked more than 5 people at the same time? 2015: Not seriously. I had brief little interests that overlapped but I don’t think more than 3 at a time that I really liked
2016: Yeah I think so
2017: Not sure
2018: Probably
2019: Not really other than fleeting attractions
2020: No
Became closer with a lot of people? 2015: A few
2016: Not really
2017: A couple
2018: A few
2019: With a couple people
2020: With my boyfriend
Song that reminds you of summer 2015/16/17/18/19/20? 2015: Can’t Help Falling In Love
2016: Bring Him Home
2017: In A Crowd of Thousands
2018: Moving Out
2019: Some jewish song?
2020: Epiphany
Lost any friends this year? 2015: Yes. One because she was a bitch
2016: A friend died in April, and I found out about it in June. I don’t know how he died, we had not been close in awhile
2017: Temporarily
2018: My last roommates
2019: Not really
2020: Probably my roommates
When people say, “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked shit about anyone” do you think it’s possible? 2015: Possibly but probably not likely. For awhile I used to think I wasn’t judgmental before I realized I actually am
2016: Unlikely. I’m petty af now
2017: Probably not
2018: Probably not, they probably do even if they don’t mean to
2019: Probably not
2020: Probably not
How do you feel about gay marriage? 2015: So glad it’s legal!
2016: Same
2017: Same
2018: It’s great!
2019: Great!
2020: Great!
Give me a random lyric from the song you’re listening to: 2015: I can’t really make out lyrics
2016: I’m not listening to anything
2017: I’m not listening to anything
2018: I’m not listening to anything
2019: Not listening to anything
2020: If the shoe fits, walk in it Til your high heels break
Do you think you’re approachable? 2015: Not as much as I would like to be
2016: Haven’t solved this problem yet
2017: Not as much as I would like to be
2018: Not as much as I would like to be
2019: Only by customers
2020: Not lately, I would like it if people did not approach me
Do you make sexual innuendos about everything? 2015: Kinda
2016: Not as much as I used to
2017: Only on occasion
2018: Sometimes
2019: Not as much as I used to
2020: Not as much as I used to
Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? 2015: Not unless it’s like my parents or something
2016: No
2017: Not really
2018: Not really
2019: No
2020: No
Who is the last person you texted? 2015: My friend Kylie
2016: My mom
2017: Guacamole
2018: My friend Sara
2019: The art director from the shoot last year
2020: My boyfriend
Song playing right now? 2015: Because We can
2016: Nothing
2017: Nothing
2018: Nothing, but She Used to be Mine is paused on Spotify
2019: Nothing
2020: Epiphany (but the song that was playing when I answered the lyrics question was Long Story Short)
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inspired by @honeybabydichotomy​ some time back / me wildly needing a series of small brain breaks from trying to plan this remote lesson while sleep deprived because i simply could not fall back asleep after 3:15 this morning and my brain is feeling A Wee Bit Totally Deranged, here is my vague/wishy-washy to-write list!
things you can more or less properly call WIPs:
*the story i am actively working on right now, in which eliot & quentin take a miserable vacation together and i attempt to set a world record for number of words devoted to cultivating the precise emotion of Agonized Horniness. i thought that this was going to be short and it is definitely going to be well over 20k, big lol @ me for wildly underestimating the quantity of feelings i had about eliot waugh! but actually i am having extreme amounts of fun with this deeply self-indulgent project, which has both let me try out some things that feel new for me and also unexpectedly become very personal but not at all in the way i usually mean when i say that a story is very personal, to the extent that not only am i not (as i usually am by this point in a fic) incredibly impatient to finish it, but also i am a little sad at the prospect of no longer living with it in my head all the time! i have superstitiously grounded myself from posting any more snippets of it but taken as a set i think these do capture the vibe.
*a quick & slightly goofy resurrection fic set as a kind of episode tag for 5x03 set in an alternate universe where the “plot” of season 5 is not really happening but alice and eliot still wind up on the top of grief mountain. my motivation for this one decreased as season 5 continued to be Like That to the point of erasing any desire to keep anything from it in my personal magicians canon, but i like the central conceit which involves rewriting alice’s golem spell as a collaborative spell because i’m a sucker for any and all pieces coming together imagery, and also i feel like for me personally actually succeeding in writing something light and breezy would be a really instructive and cool learning experience!
*i am too bashful to publicly describe the last item on this list and may yet prove to be too bashful to ever finish it but it started out as me trying to imagine a conversation in which quentin tells eliot about Ye Olde Sex Magic Escapade and has sort of evolved into like me thinking a lot about eliot’s ability to trust himself? trying to find the right tone/voice for this one has been a beast largely because quentin turning 800 shades of red while he explains to eliot that a stranger had to give him advice about how to give his girlfriend the orgasms he didn’t know she wasn’t having is the funniest thing in the entire world to both me and eliot, but then every other Concept i have for it is, you know, not so much. i would like to persevere though for precisely the reason i am so bashful about it, which is that i am interested in trying to do what like 80% of people into fic do several times a year, namely write a story that moves through characterization & emotional beats mostly through the mechanism of Doing It.
wisps of half-assed notions floating idly in my brain which may or may not ever result in any actual writing:
*i have two vague epilogue/coda notions for wild geese. one is that i’d like to just check in on that version of quentin a few months later and get to see him feeling like a functional person and enjoying & reflecting on the novelty of that, learning to lean in a little more to who he is and what he wants, possibly via [redacted for reasons of bashfulness], possibly just further toying with the hugely entertaining to me notion that one lingering side effect of his death/undeath is that he suddenly becomes a foodie. or he gets into, i dunno, kickboxing. just very Wow I Have A Body times. the other idea is that i am charmed by the notion of quentin and julia getting a brakebills grant to do summer fieldwork at a hedge coven/hippie commune in like maine or something, both because i like the idea of q & j getting to have a fun low-stakes magic adventure together (they deserve it!!!) and because i’m amused by the extent to which julia would be like “this is an extremely fun way to spend exactly 2 months of my life after which i would fully go out of my mind” while quentin is like “idk maybe i do want to join a hedge commune? i wonder if eliot would be into it.” also q & e writing interdimensionally transmitted letters!
*some.... thing... about julia and eliot becoming friends, either like a snapshot of them bonding while trying to resurrect q, or else a post-resurrection fic where the process was very quick so they never really bonded but now that eliot and quentin are dating julia just shows up one day like “hello eliot who is dating my best friend and therefore also my best friend now! :D” and eliot’s like “wait what now” because he’s so used to imperiously friend-seducing people in the weirdest way possible that julia texting him a link to showing of john waters shorts at metrograph is not something he knows how to process
*some... thing... about alice figuring out how to Be Okay after quentin undeads and they break up. she gets really into some niche hobby or takes herself to some scenic location and hates it or finally tries pot. shit, maybe i am accidentally talking myself into casually shipping alice/josh. but also maybe she doesn’t hook up with anyone? maybe she gets to just have... a... friend? (kady?)
*the night of the s5 finale what i really wanted more than anything was some kind of wildly, exuberantly happy ending for eliot and the mechanism for that which popped into my head was an old school kinda 5-times-ish fic centered around a series of new year’s eves. (1) yes i have written this exact conceit before (2) yes this was partly influenced by the fact that new year’s day by taylor swift REMAINS the eliot love song of all time and “i want your midnights / but i’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year’s day” is still the most infuriatingly perfect description of eliot in love humanly conceivable. the heart wants what it wants.
*something exploring my vague headcanon that quentin and julia absolutely accidentally did magic as kids but it was always in the structure of being dreamy kids playing at magic and half-convincing themselves in that dreamy-kid way it was real, so that when later they outgrew that they also mentally filed those experiences away as playing pretend with great intensity.
*some............... thing........... involving present day post-s4 (alive) quentin and arielle’s... grave? great-grandchild? i dunno man, like, teddy never existed without quentin going back in time, but arielle was presumably a real person and not some weird quest-generated cipher, and i just can’t imagine that a version of quentin who remembers even as much as her name and that they were married has access to fillory and some free time and doesn’t try to figure out what did happen to her. or, like, eliot comes across someone in a familiar town with familiar eyes and is like, q i think there is someone you maybe have to see. for most of my half-assed notions i would probably be almost as happy to read a fic that already exists instead of writing it myself but for this one in particular if anyone has read one please do send it my way. it just feels like an odd gap to read so many fics where quentin and eliot are thinking about The Mosaic and Their Family and not at all interested in the branch of that family that like, concretely in this timeline lived. in my brain this is NOT a depressing story but it is admittedly hard to see how that would work out in practice.
*as you can tell from this list i am not generally a big AU person in terms of writing, because by the time i’ve exhausted the things poking at me from canon to resolve or play around with i have historically lost my stamina for that fandom. BUT, the one gratuitously self-indulgent non-magic AU i want in the world is one where quentin and alice were college sweethearts who got married at 23 and divorced six months later and quentin reacted to this by deciding that love/joy/hope/happiness/dreams are for children and stupid people, and now it’s like... 6-10 years later idk and quentin is “fine” in that he shows up to work on time and pays his bills on time and doesn’t often feel sad but lives a very small life in which he doesn’t often feel much of anything or have much of a connection to himself or other people, enter of course eliot having gone through some Rough Times but eventually turned a corner towards getting his shit together and whose joie de vivre / general hotness / open-hearted affection shakes things up in ways that are both thrilling and totally horrifying!
uncategorizable by the headings listed above:
*on december 28, 2019, i started a google doc titled “magicians underworld breakout fic” which i have sporadically been adding notes towards ever since, inspired mostly by how much i think it was a missed opportunity to never have quentin and penny come to any kind of mutual understanding of each other (or even of their own reactions to each other!) except via fake pod person underworld nonsense, and how potentially fun it would be for them to team up to make it back to life. it currently contains just under 3600 words, but they are exclusively things such as:
hades and the underworld library? hades and the whole library? what’s cool about god motivations is they are almost definitionally stupid
or:
They have been taught certain things and those things are lies - connecting to how Margo got her axes
similar to #3 on the WIP list above, the reason i may never write this is the same as the reason i very much want to actually write this, which is that it is by necessity very plotty, something i have never, ever, ever done. i started brainstorming in the last few days i was wrapping up wild geese partly because i was so excited to have written a story where like magic events happened and only like 96% of the plot could be described as “and then a person has a feeling” as opposed to my usual 100%. i have generated a lot more ideas than i really expected to (some of which i like a lot!) but also am still extremely far from having a workable story, although i also have not dedicated any purposeful time to it really, just kind of let it percolate. also it is tough because every version of how it might be told i come up with definitely involves multiple POVs and so far seems to involve more than 2 partly because like a bunch of my other magicians grudges/missed opportunity wishlist items keep sort of working their way in, which is... a lot. i feel like a sensible thing to do would be to come up with at least one (1) kind of mid-tier plottiness concept, somewhere between “50k words of And Then A Person Has A Feeling with a couple thousand spent on Magic Things Happen, Which Are Also Feelings, But Whatever” and like “5 strands of plot drawing together for me to work out every single one of the 700 beefs i have with this show at once” but AS YOU CAN SEE i literally do not have any ideas that fall into that category at the moment, so. we shall see!
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shaekingshitup · 5 years
Text
Stay Grounded (Grindin Pt 2)
A/N: Writing this was a battle but I learned some things so it’s cool. Definitely don’t plan on anymore stories with these two. I don’t think I like Reader Inserts rn. But hey, he came back! If I told you I’d tag you and I didn’t I’m sorry. Idk a good method of actually keeping a taglist yet. D: This has been chillin in my drafts. Hopefully, you like it. Honestly, just thanks for reading! 💕
Word Count: 3.8k-ish but I swear it feels like 500 plot wise
Part 1
“Thanks Paul. I’ll see you next week,” you said as you placed one of your favorite regular’s drink on the counter.
“Bye Y/N” he called out on his way towards the exit. You checked in with your staff to make sure that they were doing okay. You weren’t an overbearing owner. You trained employees whom were competent and that you trusted to carry on your business when you weren’t there. But, you did your best to make yourself available to stop in when you knew your crew would be busiest. Plus, Grindin was your baby. You could never stay away for too long.
GRINDIN chimed out as another patron came in. You looked up to greet whomever it was with a smile.
“Michaela! Hey girl. Long time no see.” you greeted
“I know. I was honeymooning with my baaa-by,” she sang moving her goddess braids so that they were behind her back and making sure her diamond ring was on full display.
“YAS! Girl, I am so happy for you and Jon. I hope you two had a wonderful time. I see you over there Mrs. Kirk. Are you getting your usual today?” you asked.
“Girl, you don’t know the HALF of it. My boss paid for da baby and me to go on an all expenses trip to Bahamas,” you widened your eyes at this. You can’t even remember your last real vacation.  “Originally we were just going to spend a weekend away in San Diego. But, he surprised us with a week long paid vacation to the one place Jon and I truly wanted to visit. I can’t quit smiling.” she sighed with one of the brightest smiles you’d ever seen on someone. You couldn’t help but smile back. “But anywho, I’m not here for the usual actually. My boss just got back to the country from some away business as well and I guess his time away switched up his tastebuds. He’s going to take a large Brew Thang and I’ll stick with my usual small, hot Bad n Brewjie with whipped cream.”
“Absolutely girl. Comin’ right up,” Michaela handed over the business card to pay and afterwards you transitioned over to the bar to start on the drinks.It was clear that Michaela had more to say. You could see it in her body language that she was holding on to something that she needed to spill.
“Somethin’ on your mind sis? Gone ahead and spit it out.” you assured her.
“What’re you doing tonight?” she asked out of the blue.
“I’ve got a lil date tonight. Why do you ask?”
“Wait. Sis, you got a nigga?” Michaela whispered quite loudly as she raised her left eyebrow. That got you a few glances from some people working at the countertop. You were certain that the one with headphones in had heard her loud ass too. She could be really nosey sometimes but you still appreciated her presence and her business whenever she stopped in.
“Hahaha. Not at the moment.  It’s a date with myself because I deserve to eat well and be treated right -even if I’m the only one treating. Why? What’s happening tonight?” you asked trying not to reveal too much of your intrigue. Sure you had plans but if the offer was right, you could bend em.
“ Okay. So, my boss actually asked me to invite you to dinner tonight at The Liftoff because-“
“The Liftoff? Wait, who the hell is your boss? fucking President Barack Obama?” you damn near yelped as you stared at her with your eyebrows reaching the ceiling. In order to get into The Liftoff you had to have money. Not just a lil cheddar. But BIG BANK! More than that you had to have clout.  If you didn’t have someone invite you, you were never getting in. Many people hadn’t even heard of it- you happened to have a few wealthy and loyal customers stop in every now and then and had overheard them discussing it once.
“His name is Erik. I’m not sure if you remember him but I guess he was in here a few weeks ago,”
2 weeks and 3 days ago sis. But hey, who’s counting? You thought.
“That was when I was out for my wedding. I guess it was a good thing too.”
Aloud, you feigned delayed recognition “Oh yeaahhh. Yeah, I remember him stopping in”
“He was planning on picking you up tonight at six to go to dinner and finish up where y’all left off..” she trailed and left the floor for you. She was not so subtly implying that you two had started something and she was all ears.
“Well, sis. You can let Mr. Erik know that I’m unavailable for the evening. And if he wants to see me, Imma need him to come in here and ask me himself,” you said placing both drinks on the countertop.
“You playing hard to get sis?” she countered.
“I’m not playing anything. I have standards and I know my worth through and through. If he can’t come ask me face to face himself, then the answer will forever be no.”  
Michaela was shocked by your response but managed to get out “I’ll be certain to relay the message.” As she made her exit, she turned back to you. “I respect you sis. A lot of females see a nigga like him and are ready to hop over the counter at one of his slick ass lines. You’re bout to give him a run for his money- and he got plenty!” she cackled.  With that she left and left you alone with your thoughts.
————————
When you made it back to your place, it was time for a shower. The smell of coffee was one of your personal tell-tales signs of how long you’d spent at your shop to make sure everything was in order. Right now, the scent was permeating around you. It had been stated on more than one occasion that you were a workaholic. You simply cared about your baby and wanted to make sure that you gave the best back to the city that raised you. So, it was always hard to establish boundaries for when you had to tend to yourself rather than Grindin. But today was your day.
The second you opened the door, you started shedding your clothes as if they were contaminated. You loved walking around your condo bare ass naked- without a care in the world as to who did or did not see you in all your glory. You adjusted your A/C to a crisp 68 degrees and headed to your bathroom to start your water. Grabbing your phone, you put on a fun playlist to dance to a little. Kiana Ledé’s “Bouncin” started playing out of your waterproof speaker and you hopped in to wash the morning away and bounce a little yourself. The rest of the day was going to be a self-care day. You had it all planned out. First, shower. Next, nap. Then, you planned on putting on a little makeup, serving looks with your latest fit, doing some shopping and then you’d take yourself to dinner. You made sure to do this at least once a month with yourself. Sometimes people would see you dressed to impressed and they’d take pity on you for being alone. But that wasn’t how you saw it at all and you let them know it. Whenever anyone gave you sad eyes or took it upon themselves to join you on your night out, you let them know that this was your intended personal time and that you weren’t crumbled or broken by not having someone to sit across from you.
Obviously, there were times you really wished that someone would take it upon themselves to treat you so you didn’t have to do it yourself. But, on these nights you made sure to be appreciative of who you were whether there was an admirer to acknowledge this or not. Your mind drifted over these things as you hopped out the shower and moisturized your body from head to toe.
Shower ✅
You re-entered your room and buried yourself beneath your covers. The silk sheets had been calling out your name since you’d step foot inside and you were done denying them their request. It was time for that nap. 💤💤😴
——————————————
FRESH OUT THE BOX
STOP, LOCK AND WATCH
READY YET, GET SET
IT’S AALL THAT!
called out from your bedside dresser as you stretched out your limbs and tried to reach out for the phone.
OHHHHHH, OH, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THIS IS ALL THAT!
THIS IS ALLL THAT!
“Fuck it,” you said as you hopped out the bed and began your performance. You grabbed your phone and used it as your mic as your bedroom became your stage.
Check it, check it, check it
Now this is just an introduction
Before I blow your mind
The show is All of That and yes we do it all the time
So sit your booty on the floor or in a chair
Ground or in the air
Just don’t go no-where!
You gave it all you had for the full 1 minute and 6 seconds only ceasing when the alarm tune was starting over from the top. Dancing was one of your favorite ways to wake up. It made you feel more alive and ready to conquer the rest of your day.
Nap ✅
You meander over to the kitchen to grab a banana and some cranberry juice before tossing on an oversized t-shirt and sitting in front of your vanity. Next on your list was makeup. You synched your phone’s bluetooth to your mirror and played your Self Love playlist to sing along to. You planned on applying a light beat and wanted to make sure you did so without getting any makeup on your body.  Makeup was not your forté by any means but you loved to play a little and were able to copy all the simple tutorials. Today that mean browns all around. You dabbed on some foundation and two brown eye shadows, one that was subtle and another with more shimmer to compliment your natural glow. A little black eyeliner, mascara and nude lip gloss to bring it all together.
Makeup ✅
The fit for the evening was on point if you did say so yourself. A little casual but alluring nevertheless. 
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Jade green bottoms which accentuated your curves with a cream colored long sleeve shirt that had a very deep v cut. You were really playin into your sexy side for the evening and it made you feel bold and dangerous.
You went with rose gold accessories to compliment your brown skin and eyes. Your watch and lock necklace were simple but altogether the look had you feelin like you were an 11/10 and that was the goal. You always wanted to remember that you were desired-even if only by yourself. You removed your phone from the charger, responding to a quick text from Lu about your plans for the evening and when you’d be available, disconnected your music from the bluetooth mirror and headed to your front door to put on your heels.
Serve these fuckin looks ✅
———
You were on your fourth store and your Gummy Bear smoothie was all but gone. Thus far nothing was really speaking to you. You’d purchased some accessories and  saw a lot of cute clothing items but nothing that was significant enough to bring home. Your shopping rule was : “If you don’t love it in the store, you won’t love it at home,”. You exited the boutique and made your way to the escalator ascending to the second level where you parked your car. You reached for your phone as it vibrated in your back pocket. Glancing at the screen you saw that it was Ray who was reaching out.
“Hey Ray J!” you laughed at the nickname he despised. His one wish was that you would stop calling him that.
“Y/N where are you?” he sounded concerned. He hadn’t even yelled at you for using the nickname that he couldn’t stand.
“I’m leaving the mall. What’s wrong?”
“Jaime had a family emergency and can’t close tonight. Eve is there but she’s still new you know. He had to leave and no one else is available to come in for him and close,” he said.
“Really? No Sherell, Chris or Rico?”
“No. None of them can make it. I would go in but I’m in Frisco right now. I know it’s your date night and I hate to do this. But, do you think you can close up?”
“Yeah.” you sighed, “Yeah, I can make it. It’s almost quitting time anyways. Plus I’m hella closer than you are. But just know you owe me! If you took your ass across the bridge on a whim, the dick better be good! ”
“Trust me boo it will be and I got you next time!”
“Yeah, whatever.” You hung up and wondered why the hell Ray decided to go to San Francisco on a whim when he was scheduled to be back up in case anything went awry for the evening. That was the whole purpose of the schedule that the two of you created. This was a perfect example of something unexpected occurring and yet he was M.I.A. You pondered these thoughts as you headed to your car and headed back towards your shop. You made sure to call and cancel your dinner reservation because that definitely wasn’t happening anymore.
Thank God I always keep a change of clothes at work you thought, cringing about how awkward it would be to slang coffee with your titties on full display considering you’d forgone a bra for the evening.
When you pulled up it was 6:30. The shop closed at 8 tonight so you had half an hour before you began pre-close. You walked in and scurried to the back to change into a merch sweater which read “Stay Grounded and some black leggings.
Eve was holding it down as best as she could. But it was evident that she was stressed.
“Hey, I’ll take the bar. You go ahead and ring em up, okay?” you offered.
She sighed and released a lot of the tension in her shoulders. “Okay.”
There were already 4 drinks waiting to be made. So, you got to work.
“Sorry your first night shift has been a bit of a whirlwind,” you told her once it had slowed down a bit. It was 6:58 and you didn’t anticipate there being too much of a let up. “Do you have your pre-close list with you?”
“Yeah. I was going to do the final bathroom check.”
“Great! Go ahead and get started. I’ll do most of the behind the counter stuff tonight. You focus on the customer areas. I may call you if orders get crazy,”
“Sounds like a plan boss!”
“Y/N!” you corrected.
Customers trickled in throughout the last hour. But when 7:45 came around and they saw that you were already cleaning up shop, most of them started to pack up their things and go. By 7:56 you were ecstatic. Everyone was gone. You just had to lock the door and then you could count money and tips, do a final sweep and mop and head out the shop. At least that was the plan, until you heard GRINDIN chime throughout the store at 7:58 P.M. You rolled your eyes. Unfortunately, this was no new occurrence to you. Customers were notorious for getting their final fix in the last few minutes before you closed up. Most of the time it didn’t bother you. But tonight, you were hungry and jaded that your plans for the evening had changed.
“Welcome! I just want to let you know that we will be closing in just a couple minutes here,” you called out without looking up as you wiped down the counter, “Let me know if you have any questions.”
“Yeah I got one.” the timber of his voice compelled you to stop and give him your full attention. You looked up to see Erik, dressed in a slightly less formal ensemble than when you’d first met. 
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He adorned a pair of dark trousers, a white button up shirt with polka dots and suede loafers. But, he still looked so..
“Delicious?” he asked.
Hol’ up. First he’s Barack and now he reads minds too?
“I’m sorry” you say trying and failing to hide your flustered nature. “What was that?”
He smirked. “It’s okay baby girl. I’m sure you got a lot to take in with your day and all,” he stated as he took a few steps forward which didn’t help to alleviate your confused state at all. “I said since you took the time to introduce me to something new. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. How about tonight it’s my turn to show you something delicious?”
Your reaction came as if you were on auto-pilot.
“I would love to but I’m barely closing up shop. By the time I count the drawer and we find a restaurant and actually place an order it’ll be pretty late. You shouldn’t hold off on dinner on account of me,” you said.
Erik kissed his teeth. “Yo workaholic ass don’t know how to say ‘no’ to anyone who wanna show you a good time, do you?” It must have been a rhetorical question because he went on, “Gone ahead and finish up closing your shop. When you done, meet me in the back.”
“Hold on. I
“Aht- aht- aht. This is no longer an option. This is the game plan. Close up, freshen up into some non-coffee gear and meet me out back. I’ll be there.” he said sternly and with that, he left.
Eve came out from the back of the shop with a broom in hand. You stood there frozen for a moment.
Did this negro just boss me around? In my own damn shop?? You thought.
Yes. Yes. He did sis. And you liked it so shut up and close up!
You locked the front door to bar anyone else from coming in and started counting the drawer. By the time you were done, Eve had swept, mopped the front and turned on the fans to help the floor dry quickly.
“Great job tonight Eve! I’m sure in the future it won’t be as.. disruptive. Either way, you killed it.”
“Thanks Y/N did you need me to stay or-?”
“Uh-uh. Go ahead sis!”. The second you locked the door behind her. You dashed to the restroom to freshen up and put on your clothes from earlier in the day. You rolled on some perfume and reapplied your gloss before you hit all the lights, locked the door, set the alarm and circled around the back of the shop.
When you got there, you came to a full stop and your jaw dropped. It was gorgeous. The back lot of the shop was decorated in lights throughout the trees. In the center there was a table for two, a whole ass waiter and was that music? You glanced around to find that tucked away in the corner there was indeed a harpist playing beautiful melodies.
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“Damn girl and I thought I was going to surprise you with my view,” Erik said as you turned around to face him. He was holding a single purple daisy- which just happened to be your favorite flower. He placed it in your hands and pulled out your chair for you to have a seat.
“How? How did you do all of this and how did you know this was my favorite flower?” you asked with an expression of bewilderment taking over your features.
“I promise I’ll explain alldat baby girl. But first, I need to say I’m sorry”. This surprised you. You’d spent less than an hour in this man’s presence but he already didn’t strike you as the apologetic type.You placed your flower on the table and gave a nod of your head for him to go on. “When I met you a few weeks back. I meant to ask yo fine ass out right then and there. Unfortunately, that call that I got was urgent and it needed me to leave the country immediately,”. He finished.
“Oh my. Is everything alright?” you asked
“It is now. I handled it as I always do,” he stated with a conceited grin, “That’s why I came back to ask you out. I don’t leave anything unfinished.”
“Last time I checked this wasn’t an option. You didn’t ask nothin” He chuckled at that. The waiter came over at that moment to introduce himself, present the menu and fill up your water. He didn’t need to explain anything because there weren’t options on it. It was simply an itinerary for what your palette could expect. Appetizer, Entree, Dessert. They were all your favorites with a subtle twist. You were impresed. The menu was elegantly done and it looked fly as hell. You might have to keep a copy to give to Lu for inspiration.
“Well, actually I did,” Erik began when Duke, the waiter made his exit, “I was in earlier to ask yo stubborn ass-”
“You got one more time to talk about my ass before this becomes a solo event,” you interjected.
“Aight, bet. We can take a pause on that ass for now,” he smirked, “I was in earlier to ask you to dinner face to face, but yo people told me that you were unavailable for the evening. So, we made a few changes to make you available.”
“You what?”
“I paid ya mans Jaime a few bills to take the night off. Ray and Lulu was already on board,” you glanced down at the menu of our favorite foods again, “yup. That was them. They told me what you like. I just got the chef and made sure that Michaela hired the right people to make this vision come together. We all agree that it’s time for you to take a break, ma”
“Wait a minute. You bribed my staff? Plus, Lulu and Ray were in cahoots with you on this?! You barely even know me.”
“And? I’m tryna know you”
“I’m just sayin that’s a hole lotta trouble for a virtual stranger.”
“But you not a stranger. You the one that left me satisfied. Now just enjoy the rest of the evening and let me do the same for you,” he said as he picked up your hand and caressed it all the while never breaking eye contact with you.
“Okay.” you got out meekly. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Okay, Imma let you finish what you started,” you said
He smiled one of the most genuine and naturally alluring smiles you’d ever seen.
“ I can already tell you ain’t used to letting others take control. But don’t worry ma. I got this and I got you,” you were all the way blushing at this point, “Tell me about your day. Was it as brewtiful as you are?”
You laughed out loud as Duke placed your appetizers in front of you. “You corny.”
“And you like it,” You could already tell that he was going to do good on his word. You were leaving satisfied tonight one way or another.
Tag List: @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @shewrites02 @shewritestheblues @ghostfacekill-monger @sarcastic-sunshines @fd-writes @eyeknowmywrites @twistedcharismaaa @thadelightfulone @raysunshine78
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moldy-mold · 5 years
Text
Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!
Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.
It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.
I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.
Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted.  At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.
NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.
The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.
Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.
But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.
I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.
I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.
She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan.  My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?
I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…
I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.
Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…
Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.
Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…
Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.
Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!
The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…
I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.
NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.
My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.
The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.
I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.
I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.
I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.
Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(
There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.” 
Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.
I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!
 https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.
I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.
The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”
Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!
I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.
I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.
I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!
Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.
I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T
I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.
I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.
I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.
Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?
I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.
So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.
I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.
I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.
At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:
I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.
In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.
Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.
I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.
I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.
I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?
I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…
The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…
I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.
When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.
I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3
We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…
For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!
I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.
I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.
I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.
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aliciameade · 5 years
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Fade Into You - Ch. 1
Title: Fade Into You (Chapter 1 of 5) Author: aliciameade Rating: T Pairing: Beca/Chloe Summary: Tip for newlyweds: send a wedding invite to every billionaire whose address you can find because it's a 50/50 chance their assistants just send you a perfunctory gift without ever wondering who the hell you are. Or: Beca had a really bad terrible idea when she got tired of being broke in New York. 
Also on AO3 and FFnet, but I probably can’t link there idk.
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Beca wasn’t prepared for how expensive it was to live in New York City. Sure, she’d done her research; she knew it would be costly, but just how costly it was was wreaking havoc on her bank account. Rent, transportation, groceries, household necessities and the very rare luxuries like a concert or theater ticket here or there to keep her sanity had her living paycheck to paycheck. Even bringing two roommates with her to cram into the tiny Brooklyn studio didn’t help her live any more comfortably (considering only one of them chipped in for rent).
Of course, it probably helped her afford to eat.
Whatever. The point was that it was not quite the life she envisioned for herself once she landed what she thought was a Big Job.
But at least she had her friends.
“Why do I have so many cousins? And why are they all getting married?”
Beca watched Chloe sitting at their tiny dining table on Sunday afternoon (if you could even call it that) as she tossed aside a just-opened fancy envelope and what Beca assumed to be a wedding invitation. As far as she could remember, it was the fourth Chloe had received so far that year. “How many cousins do you have?”
“Sixteen. And I’m the baby of the family so they’re all either married or about to be. And here I am.” She gestured at nothing specific and sighed. “I can barely pay my share of the groceries. I can’t afford to go to all these weddings so I need to send something off their registry, but I can’t afford that, either.”
“Weddings feel like a ploy to get free shit from everyone you met once in your life,” Beca said as she watched Chloe stress out. “Like, congratulations on deciding to spend your life with one person. Why do I have to reward that?”
“It’s like an expectation. You either have to go to the wedding or send a gift. Or both!” Chloe slid her chair back from the table and took the two steps needed to get to their bed which she threw herself on a bit dramatically. “I’m just going to elope.”
She liked being on the same page as Chloe. “And miss out on all the free swag?” Beca said as she nudged Chloe’s foot with her own.
“I don’t want to be part of the problem!”
“Okay, okay!” Beca laughed. “So elope. Must be nice, though: send out a bunch of invitations to people you know won’t come and get a bunch of free stuff in return.”
“I know,” Chloe mumbled into her pillow. “It’s so messed up.”
A devious thought slid through Beca’s mind and she paused the music she’d been playing. “I need a new Keurig; ours is going to die any day now. I can feel it.”
Chloe turned onto her side to look up at Beca. “What does that have to do with anything?”
She closed her laptop and slid down to lie next to Chloe, eye-to-eye. “I have an idea. But before I tell you, I blame it entirely on Amy’s influence.”
“Why Amy?”
“You’ll see. Now hear me out. What if we sent out wedding invitations saying we’re getting married in, like, Fiji where no one we know can afford to go, and set up a wedding registry somewhere.”
“Beca, that’s, like, fraud. No wonder you blamed it on Amy.” Chloe frowned at her. “And no one would believe we’re getting married anyway.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re not even dating!” Chloe said with a laugh. “And you don’t even like girls!”
Oh. Right. There were those little details that the people who would make sense to invite to their wedding would know she and Chloe weren’t together. Not to mention the giant elephant in Beca’s mental room that she was actually very into girls and very, very into Chloe.
Except literally no one in her new adult life knew either of those facts about her. The bisexual thing was weird to bring up unprompted at this point, and when she started dating Jesse in college, everyone just assumed she was straight and made it even weirder to try to correct.
And the Chloe thing, well...that was all sorts of messy and complicated.
“Okay, first of all, a person can fall in love with someone who’s not their usual...type, so anyone who says shit about that can fuck right off.”
Chloe seemed a bit surprised by her declaration but waved for her to continue. “And the fact that it’s me?”
She had to stop herself from saying, “It’s everything.” Instead, she said, “We’ve basically been living together for six years. I don’t think it’s that far-fetched.”
Chloe was quiet for a moment, thinking, and then a slow smile spread across her face. “Beca Mitchell, you devious little devil. You actually think this could work.”
“Well, why wouldn’t it? If Aubrey was getting married in, like, Fiji and you couldn’t afford to go, you’d send her something off her registry, right? That’s what you just said.”
“I would never miss Aubrey’s wedding,” Chloe said earnestly. “She’s my best friend. And she wouldn’t miss mine, either.”
“Okaaaaaay,” Beca drawled. “So we don’t invite our current friends. Or immediate family. Cousins, old coworkers, and friends from high school.”
“Can I invite Mrs. Higgins, my 8th grade choir teacher? She was my favorite teacher.”
“Yeah, I mean as long as she won’t try to show up—wait. You’d actually do this?”
“You’ve had worse ideas.”
“Have I though?” Beca shook her head. “This is dumb. Forget it.” She put away her computer and rolled out of bed. “I’m going to Target if you need anything. I’m out of conditioner.”
“I don’t think I do, but I’ll come with you.”
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
When Beca came home from work late on Monday, Chloe was laying in bed, laptop propped on her thighs. She was intently focused on whatever it was she was doing and didn’t look up at Beca’s entrance.
“Hey, weirdo,” Beca said as she kicked out of her shoes and pulled her own computer out of her bag to toss it onto the bed while she changed into comfy lounging clothes. “What are you doing?”
Chloe ignored her for a few more seconds before tapping the trackpad with particularly notable resolution and sitting up. “Hey!”
“Yeah, hey,” Beca laughed. “Seriously, what are you doing? Caught up in an intense Pinterest spiral?”
Chloe shook her head. “Come here; I want to show you something.”
“Is this going to be puppies or something dirty?” Beca knelt on their bed and walked her way up until she was sitting next to Chloe. There was no telling what Chloe had up her sleeve whenever she told Beca she wanted to show her something.
“Neither. Look.” She turned her screen toward Beca.
“What am I looking at?” she asked after a few seconds. “Because that looks like a wedding invitation with our names on it.”
“That’s what it is.”
She looked at the invitation on Chloe’s screen again and then looked at her. Chloe was biting her lip and almost buzzing with excitement. “And why is that a thing that exists?”
“I made it!”
Beca rolled her eyes. “And why did you make it?”
“We need invitations if we’re going to invite people to our wedding.”
“That idea was terrible! I told you to forget it; how much time did you spend on this?” She grabbed the computer away from Chloe so she could zoom in on it. The stationery had been painted with watercolors. It was quite pretty and one Beca wouldn’t be opposed to choosing for her actual wedding.
“A couple hours. I went with a silver and sage palette. I don’t think we’re a couple who has pink in their wedding.”
“Yeah, no,” Beca said, only half-listening because her brain was pretty hung up at the moment seeing the words ‘The Wedding of Beca and Chloe’ in script. “No pink.”
“I just put Fiji because you mentioned it yesterday but we can pick something else. And a date. Oh, and we’re registered at Amazon and IKEA.”
Picking a wedding locale and date with Chloe? Sure. Cool. “Wait. You already registered us?”
“Well, no, not yet,” Chloe scoffed as if Beca’s question was absurd. “That’s what’s on the registry cards that go with the invitations. We need to make our registries together next weekend.”
“I’m not sure if I should be concerned or proud that you’re so willing to go along with my terrible idea.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?” Chloe said with a shrug.
Beca was pretty sure a lot of bad things could happen like someone showing up to a non-existent wedding. Then again, all they’d really have to do is apologize and explain that the wedding was called off last-minute and point out their would-be guests would now have a vacation in Fiji without wedding activities to inconvenience them.
“Several things come to mind,” she said as she returned the computer.
Chloe elbowed her. “Okay. We need this to be far enough in advance that it doesn’t feel shotgun, but not too far that everyone can rearrange their schedules for it.”
“So it’s like I forgot to send out the invitations like I said I would and you found them in a box two months after they were supposed to have gone out?”
Chloe looked at her, holding her gaze. “That sounds exactly like something you would do.”
“And we should have it on, like, a Wednesday so it’s super inconvenient. With no holidays around it that people can use to save vacation days.”
“I feel like you’re a secret evil genius,” Chloe said as she flipped through the calendar on her computer. “How about October 2?”
“Perfect.”
They then spent more than an hour Googling Fiji and wedding location options. It took so long because they kept bickering about the venues; Chloe loved one but Beca hated it. Then Beca loved one and Chloe hated it. Every fifteen minutes or so, one of them would remind the other this was all fake and it didn’t matter, and the other would argue that it still had to seem real. They’d finally settled on a resort located on the edge of a rainforest that had more than enough amenities for a destination wedding.
“Well?” Chloe asked when she finished entering the details on the invitation. “Good?”
Beca stared at the screen and what they’d created inviting recipients to their wedding. It made her a little queasy so she swallowed hard. “Perfect.”
They ordered a set of one hundred invitations, response cards, registry cards, and envelopes for it all and agreed to split the expense equally.
“Did we seriously just do that?” Beca asked as she put away her credit card. “That shit is nonrefundable. We just burned five hundred dollars.”
“Think of it as a down payment on my new dinette set.”
“Your new dinette? Pretty sure that’s going to be ours, babe.”
Chloe cocked an eyebrow at her. “Babe?”
Beca blushed. “Wedding fever. Shut up.”
“You’re adorable,” Chloe said with a laugh as she grabbed Beca by the chin to give her a shake. “Careful, or I might marry you for real.”
She blushed even harder, her heart getting lodged in her throat. “Yeah, right, dude.”
“We’ll see,” Chloe said with a wink before hopping off the bed to leave Beca behind, heart still pounding. “It’s my turn to make dinner. What do you want?”
~~~
~~~
“How many names do you have so far?” Chloe asked from her lounging spot lying backward on their bed, feet rocking back and forth next to Beca.
Beca looked at the spreadsheet on her computer; she hated spreadsheets. Loathed them. But Chloe created one for their wedding invitation list so she could have Staples print the addresses on the envelopes once they arrived. Had they planned ahead like actual would-be brides, they’d have had the list ready to import when they ordered the invitations to let the printer do that. But alas. “Thirty-six. It’s hard to figure out who makes sense to invite to my wedding but wouldn’t actually come.”
“If you can get to forty, I can make up the difference.”
“I should invite the CEO of BFD; it’s not like he’d ever come. I’ve never even met him. He’d probably pick one of the expensive gifts, too.”
Chloe sat up quickly and Beca tried not to think about how strong her abs must be to do that. “Beca.”
“What?”
“You’re a genius.” She sat forward so suddenly Beca had a fleeting [stupid] thought that Chloe was about to kiss her but all she did was turn around to sit next to her and look at the list on Beca’s screen. “But don’t add him; I don’t want to put your career at risk. Put your douche boss from Residual Heat instead; there’s no way he’d come.”
“O...kay,” Beca said as she typed his name. She’d have to look up her old studio’s mailing address later. “But why am I a genius?”
“We can invite a handful of CEOs and tech bigwigs who won’t know whether or not we work for them. We send it to their office and their assistant will just buy something off our registry without bothering to look us up.”
“Should I be concerned that your mind is this twisted?” Beca asked as Chloe commandeered her laptop to open Google and start searching.
“Did you forget this was your idea to begin with?”
She watched Chloe pull up the address for the headquarters of Apple. “A little ambitious, don’t you think?”
“Are you kidding? The bigger the company the bigger the chance we get a ‘declines with regret’ and you get that Ableton Push you think I didn’t see you add to our Amazon registry.”
Beca grumbled under her breath to hide her guilt. She’d gotten a little click-happy the other night after a couple beers and added a few non-traditional items to their list like high-end mixing equipment and the new Xbox.
“I’m just going to pick ten companies from the Forbes 500. Let’s see what happens. And now you don’t have to come up with the rest of your list!”
“Sounds great,” she said with a tight-lipped smile.
Something in her gut was telling her they were taking this much too far. But that new Ableton was so, so pretty…
~~~
~~~
“Becs, honey,” Chloe said when Beca opened the door to head to work.
Beca turned, patting herself down to make sure she had her keys and phone. “What’s up?”
“Don’t forget to mail the invitations.” She smiled at Beca and pointed at the shoe box on the table containing their pretty little scams. Amy had stuffed the envelopes for them last night and was naturally agreeable to their little business venture. They’d obliged her request to add an absurd inflatable bounce house to their list as payment for her help as long as she promised to never try to set it up in the apartment.
Beca was pretty sure Amy had her fingers crossed behind her back when she agreed.
She picked it up and rapped her fingernails on it. “Are you sure we should do this? I feel kind of guilty.”
“We got our list down to eighty-nine people we barely know—or don’t know at all. It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry.”
“Yeah, okay,” Beca said with a nod, though being told not to worry didn’t magically erase her concerns. “You’re right. I’ll see you after work. It’s my turn to cook, so text me what you want and I’ll pick it up on my way home.”
“I’m totes going to be the one who actually cooks in this marriage, aren’t I?”
“Trust me; it’s for the best. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, sweetie!”
~~~
~~~
Beca dropped the stack of thick, fancy envelopes into the outgoing mail drop on the corner by her subway stop on her way to work, and that was it.
The deed was done.
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
Three days later...
When Beca came home from work she found Chloe at the table but she wasn’t sipping her usual tea and wearing a smile at Beca’s return.
Instead, she was visibly nervous, her arms crossed and eyes fixed on her untouched tea.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Beca asked and moved to sit across from her. “Are you okay?”
“Promise you won’t get mad?” Chloe said in a small voice, eyes refusing to meet Beca’s.
“It’s hard to promise that when I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’ll try. What’s going on?”
Chloe closed her eyes and sighed. “My parents got one of our invitations.”
“What?!” Beca almost launched from her chair; she gripped the edge of the table to stay put and she saw Chloe flinch at her outburst. She tried to lower voice when she demanded, “How?”
“I checked the spreadsheet because I know I didn’t put them on it.” She sounded on the verge of tears. “But it looks like it got corrupted, like it combined with my Christmas card list.”
Beca’s blood ran cold. “My dad’s on your Christmas card list, too.” She’d barely finished the sentence when her phone started ringing in her pocket. She could hear Chloe’s text alerts almost non-stop from where her phone sat on her bedside table. “Who else ended up on the list?”
Chloe closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Beca pulled her phone from her pocket; she already knew. She didn’t even bother looking at the screen as she swiped the screen to answer it. “Hey, Dad.”
“You and Chloe are getting married?!” he crowed into the phone. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Oh, Beca I’m so happy for you both; you’re perfect together!”
“We’re not—wait.” She straightened. “Huh?”
“I knew it was only a matter of time.”
She looked at Chloe across the table who was oblivious to what her father was saying. She seemed to assume it to be terrible the way she was hiding half her face behind her hand. She looked miserable.
“Yeah…” Beca replied. She felt bad; this was all her doing and now Chloe’s going to be humiliated having to tell everyone in her life that she tried to do something dumb. Or that her fake relationship failed. And all her cousins were getting married… “We’re...really happy.”
Chloe’s hand fell and her eyes went wide. “What are you doing?” she whispered.
“And I’m so happy for you. The date is going to be tough for me to get away in the middle of the semester, but there’s no way I’m going to miss my little girl’s big day. Is there a block of rooms reserved for guests? Should I just give your name when I call?”
“Um, no. Sorry. We...we splurged on the trip so we couldn’t lock down rooms for everyone.”
“Don’t you worry; I’ll take care of the rooms. It’s the least I can do. I’ll call the resort and give them my information.” It was Beca’s turn to cover her eyes. “Thanks, Dad. That’s so generous.”
“Anything for you and my soon-to-be daughter-in-law.”
“Thanks. Listen, I just got home and Chloe and I have a lot to talk about. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Sure, pumpkin.”
Beca ended the call and set down her phone with a long exhale. “Shit.”
“What happened?” Chloe asked sounding as sheepish as she did excited.
“He’s...going to pay for everyone’s rooms at the resort for our wedding.”
Chloe blinked hard and sat back. “What?”
“He thinks we’re perfect together. And he wasn’t surprised at all. Well, he was surprised by the wedding. Not about us being together.” Which we’re not. “What did your parents say?”
Chloe cleared her throat. “They offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner and the reception.”
“What?” Beca said with a barked laugh.
“They’re over the moon for us. Asked what took us so long.” She looked like she wanted to disappear into her chair, which was a unique state for Chloe to be in.
“But you didn’t tell them it’s fake.”
“Did you tell your dad it’s fake?” Chloe countered. “No, you didn’t. You just went along with it.”
Beca sank into her chair, too. “And now our parents are ecstatic we’re getting married.” There was a lot to unpack with that fact and all that came with it. Chloe’s texts were still chiming and a minute later, Beca’s started up, too. “Seriously, who else got invited?”
With a sigh, Chloe slid a piece of paper across the table. Printed on it was a spreadsheet set up just like what they’d made to send to Staples, except it was a mish-mash of their distant cousins, millionaire executives, and people they actually knew. Their parents. The owner of the vet clinic Chloe was interning at.
Aubrey, Emily, and the rest of the Bellas.
“Oh, my God, how did this happen?” Beca said with a groan as she crumpled the paper and tossed it toward the trash can. (She missed.)
“I told you: I don’t know! All I can think is that my files were named List1 and List2 and somehow they got combined or maybe I didn’t delete everything from one of them before I saved it.” She reached across the table and grabbed Beca’s hands. “Beca, I’m so, so sorry. I’ll take care of everything. I’ll let everyone know it was just a prank gone wrong.”
Beca was about to agree when she remembered how excited her father sounded. “Your parents were really happy?”
Chloe managed a sad laugh; she still looked on the verge of tears and Beca couldn’t blame her. She felt like she might cry herself. “My mom said she was starting to get worried you were never going to propose.”
“Oh, my God,” Beca said, blushing hard. “She didn’t even know that we were dating. Or, that we weren’t dating. Whatever. What did you say?”
“I told her I asked you.”
“You proposed to me?!” Beca scoffed. “As if you would! I would totally ask you to marry me before you even had a chance!”
Chloe blinked at her, her worry and sadness starting to fade into a soft smile. “You would?”
Beca realized what she’d said and shook her head. “Nevermind. I should have looked at the envelopes before I dropped them off.”
“You didn’t have a reason to. This isn’t your fault.”
“Except that it was all my idea?” Beca said with a crooked smile. “You’d think Amy would have realized they were wrong when she was stuffing them. She knew the plan.”
Chloe sighed and let go of Beca’s hands to run her own through her hair. “Something tells me she knew they got messed up.”
“Why would you think that?”
Chloe shot her a look.
“Because it’s Amy. Right.” She sighed, too. “I need a drink.” Beca stood up and headed for the fridge, the top of which held their liquor collection. “What do you want?”
“Whiskey, neat,” Chloe answered as she pushed aside her tea.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
~~~
~~~
They waited until they were both two whiskeys in before they agreed to get on Skype with Aubrey.
“This is how you tell me you two are a thing?” Aubrey said as she waved the invitation in front of her camera. “A little warning would have been nice.”
“It all happened so fast, Bree,” Chloe said. “I guess living together in such close quarters...well, it brought some things to light.”
It was so convincing that Beca almost believed her. Except she didn’t know why they were lying to Aubrey. Not wanting to immediately disappoint their excited parents was one thing, but going along with it with Aubrey… She nudged Chloe from her spot next to her where they sat closely in bed so they could both be mostly in frame and threw her a look she hoped read, What the hell are you doing?
Chloe just winked at her and slipped her arm behind her to wrap around her waist and pull her closer.
“Well, as disappointed as I am that you didn’t think to tell me, I’m thrilled for you both.”
“You are?” Beca scoffed.
“Why wouldn’t I be? You two are good for each other. And I know you’ll take care of my best friend.”
Beca had to fight hard to not blush. “Yeah. Well...that’s the plan.”
“So, Fiji? I’ve always wanted to go! Do you have a wedding planner? And Chloe, I can’t believe you haven’t asked me to be your Maid of Honor yet! We made a pact!”
Chloe cleared her throat. “Right! I was getting to that! I’d love it if you’d be my Maid of Honor.”
“What are you doing?” Beca muttered from the side of her mouth.
“Asking my bestie to be in our wedding,” Chloe muttered in return.
“I’d be honored!” Aubrey said with a bright grin. “Now you have to let me take over the planning. You can’t do this all by yourselves. Put me in touch with your contact at the resort and I’ll take it over. What have you arranged so far?”
“Well, we could barely get the invitations out without trouble…” Chloe started and Beca elbowed her. “So we haven’t really had a chance to get going yet. We haven’t even put down the deposit to reserve the space yet—”
“Don’t say another word,” Aubrey said with her hand up. “I’m going to take care of that as my gift to you both.”
“Thanks, Bree. That means so much.” Chloe grasped Beca’s hand and pulled it up to kiss it.
Beca just stared at her in shock.
“Right, Becs?”
“Uh, yeah. Right. Thanks, Aubrey,” Beca offered. “We gotta go, though,” she added, desperate to end the torture.
“Okay. Remember to send me that info and I’ll send you the confirmations once I get it taken care of this week.”
“Totes. I’ll text you later.”
“Perfect. Have a good night, you two!”
“Bye!” Chloe chirped and Beca offered a weak wave as Chloe disconnected the call.
“Oh, my God, Chloe, we can’t keep this up!” she said as soon as the screen was blank. “What are we doing?!”
“Everyone’s so excited for us; I don’t want to disappoint them.” Chloe turned a little to look at her and she was so close Beca could see the different specks of light and dark in Chloe’s eyes. “We’ll tell them soon.”
“Aubrey’s going to spend money on this. We can’t let her do that.”
“I’ll wait a few days to send her the info and then we’ll just tell it’s off.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
~~~
~~~
Not two hours had passed when both their phones chimed with a group text from Aubrey to the two of them. Chloe was taking a bath when it came in so Beca opened it and read it aloud so she could hear it.
“Was too excited! Looked up the resort info and got it booked. Oh, my God. They said they didn’t have any record of your interest—gee, I wonder why—and the day was already booked for some corporate retreat but I got them to move it for the wedding. Of course she did. Good thing you let me take care of it! You might not have had a venue. Damn it, Chloe!”
“Well, it’s not my fault!”
“Then whose fault is it?!”
Nothing but silence followed from behind the shower curtain.
(Chapter 2)
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a-spoopy-bird · 6 years
Text
Non-Voltron au continued
YOU ASKED I DELIVERED HERE IS MORE FROM THE BRIDGE LANGST (lmao idk how to link shit)
The phone rang over and over. A click. Voicemail again. “Uh, hey Lance, it’s Keith again. Are- are you okay? You never showed up to physics today… I’m kinda worried. Uh, text me. Call me. Anything to let me know you’re alive. Actually, I’m coming over. So, if you’re even hearing my voice right now, then get ready.” Keith hang up. He was more than kinda worried. Lance has tried to kill himself before. Sometimes, Keith didn’t know if the one bridge accident was a blessing or not. Having Lance as a friend, while mildly annoying, was better than Keith expected. Lance did his best to hide his problems, hiding behind jokes and horrible flirting attempts. It’s been a few months since the Bridge Accident, and Lance has only shown his true colors when he was alone. Keith just happened to find Lance a few times. Keith shuddered at the memory.
He had been walking home later than usual. He was cautious. This was the time the druggies and the gangs came out. He’d have to be careful. He glanced down an alley and stopped flat. “Lance?” Leaning against a wall, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was uncoordinated.
“Keith, wussup?” Lance stumbled over. He was obviously higher than an airplane.
“Lance, come on, I’m taking you home.”
“No, no, don’t do that, please Keith.” Lance stumbled and leaned against the wall again.
“Why not?” Keith had little patience for high people. They were slow and clumsy, and usually said stuff that made no sense.
“I kinda came here to escape them, ya know?”
“Lance,” Keith sighed and shook his head. “Fine, then come on.”
“Not back home.” It was a statement, but it also felt like a question.
“No, you’re coming to my place so that you don’t do something stupid.”
“’Ight.” Lance walked with Keith, steps dragging slightly, teetering on every step. Keith did his best to support Lance, but he was a lot taller than Keith, which presented a problem. Lance couldn’t walk straight, and he seemed to want to just fall over.
Finally, finally they made it to Keith’s small studio apartment. Keith helped Lance up the stairs, with a lot of Heys, That’s my foots, and Stop it, come ons. Lance was settling down on Keith’s couch, and Keith was getting some blankets from a closet.
“Why do they hate me?” Keith froze. Lance was looking down at his hands, limp on his lap.
“Lance?”
“Like, I didn’t even do anything, ya know? They just don’t really understand. They get it that I’m into dick, that was mostly fine. My gram hates it, but whatever. I just- why don’t they see mental health kids, like, people with depression, as people who need help? Since when was that a thing?”
Keith put down the blanket. “Well, sometimes people, especially older generations, don’t see depression as a real thing. They mislead themselves by telling people they’re just a little sad.”
“Don’t they, like, care, though? Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do? Care?”
Keith sighed, getting the blanket. “I don’t know Lance. My dad left when I was a kid, and my mom was a drug addict. I don’t have much experience with real parents.” Keith brought the blanket over.
Lance sighed. “Keith, I didn’t do something wrong, did I?”
“No, you didn’t. Stop stressing it. Depression is very real, and they don’t seem to know that.”
“But- but they also just never has- have time for me, like? I might as well be invisible. Betcha they won’t notice I’m gone.” He laughed without humor at that.
“Give me your phone.”
“Wha- why?”
“I need to message Hunk, and I don’t have his number.” It was a lie. Keith felt spiteful. Lance’s parents should pay more attention to their kids, especially with all the sadness in that household.
“Ight, the password’s Shakira Shakira, with both s’s capitil- capitalized.”
“Go to bed,” Keith said, unfolding the blanket. “It’s late, and you’re high as hell.”
“So I’m low?”
“You know damn well what I mean, Lance.”
“Yeah, yeah, g’night, Keith.”
“Night Lance.” Keith turned towards Lance’s phone. He pulled up his mom’s number and punched it into his phone.
Keith Kogane: Hey, im keith, one of lances friends. I just wanted to let you know he was staying with me tonight.
Rosetta McClain: thank you. May I ask how you got this number?
Keith Kogane: Lance gave it too me. If you want, I can delete it
Rosetta McClain: no its fine. Thanks for looking after my boy
Keith Kogane: no problem
Rosetta didn’t answer after that. Keith wondered if she was just playing nice. Keith looked over at Lance. He had tears on his cheeks. Keith wondered if he even felt them.
“Lance?” Keith asked gently. “What’s wrong?”
“Why does everything hurt so much?” He whispered. “Why doesn’t she care? Why does he-” Lance’s voice broke. “Why doesn’t he give a rat’s ass? Do I- is this what I get? For being suicidal? For being a- a screw up?”
“Lance,” Keith said firmly, cupping Lance’s face between his hands. “You are not, I repeat, are not, a screw up.” Keith felt like someone was twisting his heart. “I don’t know why they don’t care, but look. You have Shiro, you have Hunk, Pidge, Allura, and Coran. And you have me. We will always, always be there for you.”
Lance’s pink eyes stared up at Keith, full of sadness and hope. “Really?”
Keith nodded.
But that was back in November. About two months after he had stopped Lance at the bridge. Then, back in January, he had heard Lance, thinking no one was around, talking to himself. About his family. About his thoughts. About how he feared himself. About how the darkness of his room terrified him, the way he could go months with his mask on, about how he was never enough. Keith didn’t intervene that time.
It was March. Lance has been drawing back. Only Keith has noticed.
He was at Lance’s house. How did that happen? The family minivan wasn’t there; the McClain family had gone on a vacation to their grandparent’s house. Lance had college, so he didn’t go. Besides, he had said, I don’t particularly like my grandparents. Keith knocked on the door. Loudly. Keith checked his phone. 3:27 AM. Lance was hopefully asleep. But the bags that have been under his eyes for the past week said otherwise.
“Lance, come on, open up.” Keith would never admit how scared he was. “Lance, if you don’t open this door, I’ll open it and hunt you down.” Thirty seconds passed. Forty-five. A minute. “Fine. I’m coming in.” Keith opened the door and walked into the empty house.
“Lance?�� He called, walking through the halls of the house. “Come on, Lance, I’m taking you to McDonald’s.”
No answer.
“Lance?” Fear crept into Keith’s voice. “Come on, I don’t want to breach your privacy like this.” He continued to walk around the house, checking everywhere.
Keith stopped at a closed door. The light was on. He knocked. “Lance? You in there?”
One second. Two. Four. Twelve.
“Lance?” No answer. Keith sighed. “Fine. I’m going to open the door now.” Keith slowly opened it, tentatively looking in.
Lance was on the floor, not moving. Some pill bottles were spilled around him. His forearms were a mess from new and old wounds. Blood was pooled on the brown bathroom tiles. A bloodied kitchen knife lay next to him.
“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.” Keith mumbled. “Lance, co- come on.” His breath hitched. He carefully picked his way through the mess. “You- you idiot.” He reached out to feel his pulse.
There was a weak fluttering beat. Momentary relief flew through Keith. He had to get him to a hospital. But in this city, would it just be faster to call an uber or an ambulance? Or just drive himself? Keith didn’t know. He had to stanch the bleeding. He looked around the small bathroom. He found two towels.
Lance’s arms looked worse when they were cleaned up. Long, deep cuts ran from wrist to elbow. He had lost so much blood. Keith taped the towels around his arms. He picked him up bridal style. Jesus, he was so pale. His usual tan skin was pale and clammy and cold. Keith carefully made his way to his red Honda Civic. Carefully buckling lance into the front seat, Keith took off, going as fast as legally possible.
The hospital’s lights glared down at him. He picked up Lance after unbuckling him. He walked as fast as he could. The secretary glance up when the doors opened, then did a double take. She called for a doctor to come and take him back. Keith sat in the waiting room. He pulled out his phone.
Keith Kogane: I have some bad news
Keith Kogane: Lance is in the hospital.
Keith Kogane: he cut himself up and took a bunch of pills
Keith Kogane: i rushed him to the er but he was really pale and cold
Keith Kogane: I don’t know what to do know besides just sit here
Shiro: Do you want me to come down?
Keith Kogane: if you want to
Shiro: I’ll be down in a bit
Keith Kogane: ok
Hunk Garrett: oh no! do you know if he’s going to be okay?
Keith Kogane: No they haven’t told me anything yet. I assume they’re going to flush his stomach, clean his cuts, and tr to get more blood into him.
Hunk Garrett: im coming down give me a sec
Pidge Holt: wait whats happening
Pidge Holt: oh fuck ok im coming down
Shiro: you cant drive
Pidge Holt: yeah I live close to the hospital be right there
END PART TWO
TO BE CONTINUED
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lankydoodlelukey · 6 years
Text
the soul tattoo - fourteen
pairing: Luke/Reader (Y/N)
rating: PG-13: cursing, mentions of sex, etc etc 
word count:  a nice long 3k to apologize for taking two years to give you the next part of this story...
summary: If one day you woke up with a random tattoo on your body, you were destined to meet your soulmate soon. When (Y/N) finally gets her soul tattoo, she’s in for a shock when she finds out who her soulmate is.
masterlist // the soul tattoo season 1 recap
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Luke’s POV
I expected my life were to get better the second (Y/N) was out of the picture. But I was wrong. I thought that if I made her feel the hurt I felt every time I saw her and Michael together, things would feel “even” between us. But as I lay in my bed, alone and staring at the ceiling, I wondered why I even felt this way. (Y/N) was not my soulmate, yet it almost felt like she was. I debated with this back and forth for hours. Before I knew it, it was four in the morning. We were to leave for the last leg of the North American tour in a few hours. I sighed. Why was (Y/N) the only thing running through my head?
--
Once the plane took off into the sky, I really thought that I would be in a better head space. Being on stage was where I was happiest. Seeing all the fans in the audience singing along to our songs and having a great time made each day of being in this band so much more worth it. I was excited to get away from all the soulmate drama. But when we hit the first city, I was distracted. I was missing my cues, forgetting lyrics, tripping over myself and completely forgetting the choreography we had during some of the songs.
 At first, I thought I was just having an off day, but it soon became a frequent occurrence at the following shows. I was off my game just because I couldn’t get a girl out of my damn head. It didn’t help that every time I tried to hang with the boys during our free time, they would all be on the phone facetiming with (Y/N). A few times, I even heard her ask for me, but I refused to see/talk to her. I couldn’t bear it. People were starting to notice that something was up. I had to dissuade everyone and just tell them that tour life was getting to me, but deep down I’m sure everyone knew that wasn’t it.  
The tour continued on for a month and a half. My soulmate had asked to come and visit me on tour, but I declined. I told her that I would see her when I got back. I still couldn’t understand why I was being pulled in (Y/N)’s direction and away from my soulmate. None of this made any sense. I felt like I was losing it. I found myself having dreams about (Y/N). In the dreams, she was my soulmate. We spoke about music and our dreams. With her I didn’t feel empty. I didn’t feel like an object. I felt whole.
The only person that knew about what I was going through on tour was Ashton. A couple of years ago, Ashton had thought he found his soulmate, but the job made it hard for him and his soulmate to be together. It was one of those rare cases, but both of their soul tattoos faded. They fell out of love quicker than they could fall back in love and restore everything. It was a hard time for Ash. There was a moment when he just wanted to leave the band because the pain was unbearable. We all convinced him that leaving the band wouldn’t help him. The boys and I were there for him during that hard time.
A week into the last leg of the tour, Ashton came up to me and asked what’s wrong.
“I don’t know, mate. My head is all over the place. I can’t get her out of my mind,” I said with a sigh. Ashton laughed.
“Luke, it’s perfectly okay to miss your soulmate!” He said, patting me on the back. I shook my head.
“That’s the thing, Ash. I wasn’t talking about my soulmate. I was talking about (Y/N),” I whispered. Ashton became quiet. He sat down next to me. We were in our hotel rooms, a couple of hours before our show in Atlanta. Calum and Michael were out exploring the city.
“Did you and (Y/N)…?” Ashton inquired. I scoffed.
“No, nothing happened. I would never do something like that, especially to Michael, or my soulmate, for that matter,” I said. “But, Ash. I’m telling you, the first time I met her, I just knew. I thought I knew when I first met my soulmate. But when I met (Y/N), I never felt anything like it before. It actually physically hurt me to see Michael with her.” I put my head in my hands and rubbed my forehead in frustration. “But I just can’t seem to find a reason why I feel this way. I feel like I’m going crazy.”
Ashton laughed. I looked up from my hands and gave him an agitated look. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just that… that explains everything. It explains why you’ve been such a dick to her and why you refuse to see or talk to her. And why you decided to turn into a rabbit before tour and fuck your soulmate so obnoxiously,” Ashton said with a hint of a tease.
“Will you shut up about that?” I groan, slumping in my seat.
“So what does this mean?” Ashton asked. “Is (Y/N) your real soulmate?”
“You’re just as lost as I am, mate,” I said.
“Well, we have about less than a month and a half till tour is over. We leave for Bali a week after that and Mikey just told me (Y/N) is coming with. Can you get your feelings in check by then?”
“Oh, for fucks sake. (Y/N) is coming to Bali too?”
“I would be surprised if she didn’t…” Ashton said, trailing off.
“Great. This is just great. How do you just forget your feelings for someone you feel so strongly about?” I ask aloud. Ashton sighs as he stands. He puts a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. If not, write a song,” he says with a shrug and walks towards his room.
I sigh. This is going to be harder than I thought.
---
(Y/N)’s POV
The boys are almost back! It’s crazy to think that almost two months has gone by. To getting my soul tattoo, to being Michael’s girlfriend, it’s clearly been an intense two months. Now the boys are days from leaving tour and we’re set to leave for Bali in less than a week.
I was nervous. A few weeks ago, Michael had asked me to join him and the boys and all their friends. We were facetiming one night and he just blurted it out. At first, I was skeptical of the idea, but since graduating university, I hardly took days off for myself. I worked my ass off every day. I told Michael I would love to go, but I had to find out from my boss if I could go before I committed to anything.
I first brought it up to (Y/F/N) and her reaction was different than I expected. I figured she was gonna dissuade me from going.
“YES! Oh my god! Yes, you should go. Bali is gorgeous and you’ll have so much fun. You deserve a vacation, dude. I’m so jealous,” she said excitedly.
“Why don’t you come with us?” I asked. “You’ve already met Michael and you guys seem to have gotten along. Plus, it’ll be fun if we went on this trip together. It is a friendcation after all!” If (Y/F/N) came with me, I would ultimately feel so much better. She would help put me at ease having to see Luke and his soulmate together. I knew that I really needed to decide what I wanted to do with Luke. Tell him the truth or let it be? Despite me trying to deny it, I knew I still liked Luke. Having (Y/F/N) there with me would also help stop me from doing anything stupid, especially when there was a 100 percent chance tequila would be involved.
“I dunno, dude. I’d have to call off a whole week from work.” I saw her mind working as she tried to mull over the idea of going to Bali. “I wish Michael had asked you a month before and not a few weeks before they leave.”
I grabbed her shoulders and shook them. “(Y/F/N), PLEASE! There’s no way I can go on this trip without you! The hotel will be free because the boys are paying. I’ll pay for your plane ticket! C’MON!!!!!” I exclaimed.
“I’ll think about it…” she trailed off. I collapsed into my pillows and groaned in frustration.
“UGH. Why are you like this?” I sighed.
---
I eventually convinced (Y/F/N) to come on this trip with me. Her now fiancé wasn’t too happy about the fact that we were going on a vacation with a bunch of dudes, so he decided to tag along too. I was a little peeved, but at the same time, this entire trip was basically a couple’s trip. Me and Mikey, (Y/F/N) and her fiancé, Luke and his soulmate, Ashton and Cal with girls they met on tour, and a few of their band buddies and their girls. It was going to either be a giant party or a huge orgy... I was hoping it was the former instead of the latter.
When I told Mikey of our plans, he was so excited. I had called him the second I got the okay from my boss.
“Wait, really!? You can come?” He asked, excitedly. I laughed.
“Yes, Mikey! I can come with you to Bali!” I squealed. I could hear him jumping up and down in excitement. I had already started Pinteresting pics of Bali and things we could do and outfits I needed to buy for the trip. Michael was already sweet enough to cover my flight tickets and hotel rooms.
Now two weeks later, the boys were finally back. I was physically and emotionally prepping for this moment since Mikey had asked me to join them on their Bali trip. I had decided that after this trip, I was going to tell him the truth about my tattoo. I was scared, but he deserved to know. It gave me a lot of anxiety not knowing how he was going to react. I went too long not telling anyone and that is a mistake I regret making. If this backfires and he’s ends being upset, then I’m just going to have to face the consequences. I deserve that.
I was at work when I got a text from Michael.
HELLO, I AM BACK IN LA. WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY AREN’T YOU NEXT TO ME, the message read. I giggled.
I’m at work u idiot. I’m off at five pick me up for dinner? I responded.
LOL MY BAD YEAH I’LL COME GET YOU THEN
WHY ARE YOU YELLING I replied.
IDK IM REALLY EXCITED IM SORRY AJJDNEFAOIJDOAIH
I laughed. My little goofball. The laughter was soon gone the second I remembered what I planned to tell him after Bali. God, I couldn’t do this to him. How could I let myself be so stupid and drag this along? I shook it off. It’s fine. Less than a week till Bali, I can do this.
---
Luke’s POV
We were back in LA. We leave for Bali next week. I was excited to be back, but I was a wreck. The entire last days of tour, I thought I was going to be able to get (Y/N) off my mind, but the closer the date came to getting back to LA, the more I had dreams about her. She was taking up my entire brain and I hated it.
The second we landed I called up my soulmate. We got in a good fuck. She thought I just missed her, but deep down we both knew that this relationship had become purely sexual. If anything, she was a distraction. I felt awful for using her, but I felt worse thinking about (Y/N) with Michael. My life had suddenly turned into a live version of Jesse’s Girl. But since (Y/N’s) coming with us to Bali, I had to have something or someone to get her off my mind. We all know I do stupid shit, especially when there’s alcohol involved.
I tried to convince the guys to just make this a boy’s trip, but they all complained that they had already invited their girls to come with us. It was too late and I had to suck it up. As much as my soulmate and I had nothing to talk about anymore, at least we had something we could do with each other. Each day I spend with her, I realize how much we aren’t meant to be for each other. Coming back from tour and seeing her again in person confirmed that, even if the sex was great.
After my soulmate fell asleep, I put on a pair of sweatpants and walked to my balcony. I closed the door behind me and called my mum.
“Hey mum.”
“Hi sweetie! How was the flight?” She asked.
“Just fine, mum. We’re back in our LA house right now,” I said.
“Oh, that’s great! How are you? You sound down, baby.”
I sighed. My mum always knew something was up without me having to say anything about it. “I’m okay. Things could be better. I’m still so conflicted about my soulmate. She just doesn’t seem like the right girl.” I look through the glass doors to see my soulmate fast asleep on my bed, her bright red hair sprawled out around her, a huge contrast against the pearly white pillows I had. She seemed so quiet and innocent when she was asleep – completely opposite to how she was when she was awake.
“Honestly, Luke, the second you told me about her, I knew something was wrong. I know you wanted to give her a chance, but you sound miserable.”
“I know. I feel miserable. Do you remember that other girl I was telling you about?”
“Oh, yes! (Y/N)! The one dating Michael?” She asked.
“Yes, that’s her. I still think she may be my real soulmate, mum.”
“Luke, sweetheart, I’m only going to say this once because I’m your mum. Get your shit together. If you’re unhappy with your soulmate, then break up with her. Just because she may be your soulmate, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be with her. I want you to be happy, baby. But you can’t do that if you force yourself to love someone we all know you do not love.”
“What… Mum!?” I was shocked, my mum was never forward like this.
“I’m sorry, love. You’ve been calling me about this situation for weeks now. It’s been two months since you got your soul tattoo. I know you think that you’re going to have this great big love like your father and I - I’m more than sure you’ll have it soon, but clearly this woman who’s claiming to be your soulmate, isn’t making you happy and that’s fine. That just means she isn’t the one for you. Tell her how you feel. In the long run, you’ll both feel better about it.”
I was quiet for a moment. I hated that she was right. But all of what she said was true. I was too afraid to face how I really felt. I denied everything wrong with my soulmate because I thought it was right, because some unwritten rule somewhere said that I had to fall in love with my soulmate. It’s very rare, but sometimes these things just don’t work out. I had to face the facts one way or another.
Once I got off the phone with my mum, I went back to bed. I was so caught up with jet lag when we landed, but once in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, just thinking. My soulmate was fast asleep next to me. I looked at her for a moment. She was beautiful and she was fun to be around sometimes, but deep down I knew she wasn’t my girl.
Hours later, I decided that after our trip to Bali, I was going to end things with her. I knew that that wasn’t how this whole soulmate shit is supposed to work, but I couldn’t bear another day being with her. I could tell that even the boys were starting to get irritated with her. They were just too scared or too nice to say anything to me about it. So that was the plan. Bali is in a few days. I just had to figure out how I was going to tell her and if I was going to confess my true feelings to (Y/N) after that.
---
yeeeeeet I finally gave you guys another part! I have to admit, I’m so freaking nervous about this. My heart is beating and my hands are shaking as I type this. I have written and edited and re-edited and re-re-edited this part and the following parts so many times. I knew that I couldn’t hold onto them anymore, so here it is. The only explanation I have for taking so long is this: life gets in the way and there’s nothing you can really do about it. Once time passed and I figured it was time to get back to this, a year had come and gone. I simply lost the inspiration to write. But here we are, two years later and I finally have the next 13 or so chapters ready for your eyes to read. 
I hope you love it. 
{r.h.} 
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Text
Survey #146
“peace sells, but who’s buying?”
Have you ever been arrested? For what?  No. Do you like Pres. Obama? Why?  Don't even fight me, dude was funny.  From a political position, I can't answer.  I didn't pay enough attention to form a well-supported opinion. Do you know how to change the oil in your car?  Nope. At what age did you obtain your driver license?  I don't have it yet, but I do expect to probably get it this year. Do you like Slim Jim’s?  g i m m e What are you favorite kind of chips?  Spicy Cheetos. Are there any plants in your house?  I think there's none... How important is it for you and your partner or friends to share a similar taste in music, movies, shows, etc?  Not very important at all. What sort of compliments make you feel the best?  Because I'm a self-conscious piece of shit, calling me pretty or something of the sort and actually sounding sincere can brighten my whole day.  Also just a compliment on my behavior means a lot. If you have a pet, do they sleep with you at night?  Roman does. <3  He sleeps on my hip, arm, or curled beside me. What is the climate and geography like where you live?  Usually warm, humid as fuck in the summer...  We live in a pretty flat area.  Farming terrain. Do you have a Facebook? If no, then why not?  Yeah. Has there ever been a murder in your town?  Yeah. Are you someone who has to analyze everything?  AAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Are you too sensitive for your own good? YUP. Do you still have pictures of you and your ex best friend?  I'm sure in old photo albums Mom keeps. Where does your grandma live?  My only living one technically lives in Florida, but she stays in NY with her son's family a lot.  Probably doesn't much now that she's married, though. Is there a mirror in your room?  We have one we need to put up on my door. Have you ever done hard drugs before?  No. Have you ever lived with a roommate before? Jacob and Amanda when I was in the apartment with Jason. What's the littlest you have slept in?  Naked accidentally lmao. What is your favorite juice? Mixed ones.  Particularly mango ones. Do you love one parent better than the other?  Yeah, admittedly.  But I adore them both. What’s the best club you’ve ever been to? Never been. Do you prefer hardly toasted at all or burnt toast?  You will never see me eat burnt toast. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless?  I will never in my entire life understand why scribbles a two-year-old could make sometimes sell for thousands.  But for the artist themselves, if it's therapeutic, then, *shrugs* Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way?  YUP and my mom would always try to fix it.  I still do it. Who were the last two girls you texted?  Sara and Mom. When was the last time you completely broke down?  Uhhhh I'm unsure. Have you ever gone to court?  Yeah, but only to explain to a judge why I felt I should be released from the mental hospital sooner.  Won.  They wanted to keep me for a whole month and I was like um fuck no, especially when your facility sucks. When was the last time you felt left out?  *shrugs* Do you know if women in your family tend to get gray hair early? Have you yourself ever had a gray hair?  Idk, and no. Who in your family has the longest hair? How long is yours? Nicole easily has the longest.  The longer side of my hair just barely passes my ear. What professional teams do you and/or your family root for? Dad's for the Carolina Hurricanes and Cleveland Browns. How many people have you truly fallen IN love with? Two. What’s your favorite bird?  Barn owls. Does your car have an alarm?  I don't have my own car.  Mom's doesn't. What about your house?  No, but Teddy and Bentley suffice well. Have you ever seen your siblings naked?  As kids, sure, and then Nicole has like zero shame walking around the house naked after a shower to get clothes. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy?  Lol yeah. Would you ever get your legs waxed? No, sounds painful as fuck.  Especially when your hair's as thick as mine. @_@ Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? HELL NO.  It looks n o t h i n g like me. Have you ever had surgery or stitches? Both. Are you unemployed?  Yeah. Do you think the govt has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? Tbh maybe.  Like, have you not heard the billion ideas that could cure cancer, but these ideas are never pursued?  And even those that have been, I would not at all be surprised if one way or even multiple have been found but kept silent because the world runs on money.  Might as well let people stay sick and milk millions out of them, right?  I don't trust the government for shit. Do you have a Mexican friend?  Yeah. Are both of your parents still alive?  Thankfully. Was your ex born in America?  All but one, although I really don't even consider us as ever dating. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on?  I don't have a personal Instagram, no Snapchat, and I literally only have a blank Twitter to like Mark's shit get on my level. What was the last thing you were stressed about? Uhhh how am I blanking on this. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool?  Pool.  I could never handle a trampoline again with my knees, plus it just doesn't entertain me as it did as a kid. Do you have the same favorite colors you had when you were a kid?  Yeah.  My favorite color has always been hues of red. What do you like to put in your tea? I hate tea. Who have you been told you look like? My sisters, at least somewhat.  And Mom and Dad. What color are your doorknobs?  Gold. Do you own a bobblehead?  No. What do you make wishes on?  Nothing. What is your city known for? "You mean Tennessee?" What is your state known for? Mountain Dew, Pepsi, Bojangle's, probably half of all country bands... What’s your favorite Paramore song?  "That's What You Get." What was the subject of your last photo shoot? I couldn't tell you the last time I was in what I'd call a "photo shoot," not since I was a kid...  The most recent one I did was of Colleen and her son. What are some of your favorite sounds?  Wind chimes, waves, fire crackling, the breeze through leaves, sARA'S SINGING YOU GO AMY LEE... lots of things. When two family members are fighting, what do you usually do?  There's a chance I'll be dumb and butt in if I think I could defuse the situation, but I'll sometimes just awkwardly stay silent. What’s your all time FAVORITE freezer food? Do you eat that a lot?  I dunno, that's broad as hell... If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or pothead?  The latter. What are you listening to?  A Jeffree Star video oops I've fallen in love with him tbh. What if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them?  I'm already happily in one so the answer would be no. What will your next piercing be?  It's probs gonna be my collarbones. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say?  Well I know none of my ex's numbers but Girt's, but I'll just say I knew them.  Aaron, I'd be very confused considering we haven't talked since like freshman year, but greet him like I would any old friend.  Juan or Tyler, wouldn't answer.  Girt, answer like normal.  Jason, tbh I'd answer and do whatever I could to show how much better my life is without him.  Bitchy but idc.  After the shit he shoved me into, I want him to know I came out better than ever. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?  Quite a few times but still not enough weeps. Will you kiss that person again?  YEAH. Do you like champagne?  Never tried it. Do you like cinnamon on your apple pie?  I hate pie. Do you clap or cheer when at a concert?  Only been to one, but yeah. Do you use a comb or brush?  Mostly a comb now that my hair's short. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches?  It's the part I eat first. Have you ever had a vacation where you stayed in a cabin?  No, I wish. Would you rather call or text?  Omfg do not call me. What color would you dye your hair right now if you could, and it was guaranteed to look good?  Okay so currently I'm dying (hawhaw) to get this mostly peach color, but have it fade to fiery, reddish-orange on the longer side.  It's based on a picture and would cost over $100, so.  Guess who's not doing it anytime soon lmao. Do you like the way you look naked? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Have you ever dissected an animal?  In high school. Do you believe that humankind has a future in space (will we live there some day)? Maybe.  Probably, actually. What (not who) do you care about?  Gay rights, animal rights (no, not to PETA degree), equal human rights in general, the first amendment, maintaining peace/pacifism, conservation efforts... I'unno, lots of stuff, if you want the answer to be like, big topics. Who or what is really the absolute root and source of all evil?  Discontent.  Now this itself doesn't always lead to evil actions, but just about any malevolence I can think up stems from that. Has anyone ever led you on? No. Would you rather date someone 4 feet tall or 9 feet tall? The former. What is the one thing you do that your friends wish you didn’t? I've heard "don't be afraid to reach out first" a billion times. Do you believe you have a soul?  Yes. Would you rather have a child that is more confident or more curious? Curious.  Ask questions, learn things. Who influences you to be the way you are?  LOTS of people! What is one idea that you live by?  Yikes, that's hard.  But I suppose one of the biggest is that caring about the world and what's within it does wonders. How can people act to make you want to get to know them? Be super open, honest, and shameless of yourself.  See the positives, SHOW you clearly care about others, have passion... and if you're funny, that's a bonus. When are you at a loss for words?  It's honestly rare I seriously am.  If I in person was to witness something like abused dogs screaming at being pet for the first time, that'd almost definitely get me. What is the worst time to be alone? When suicidal.  You.  Need.  To.  Talk. What do your parents do that you will try never to do?  I'll never smoke like Dad.  And I'm never having kids, but if I did, I would never, ever spank them like Mom did me and my sisters. Who is your favorite visual artist?  Some folks on deviantART.  The three probably in a tie are NukeRooster (I prefer lots of her older stuff, though; also got permission to tattoo one of her paintings one day yeets loudly), sandara, and Culpeo-Fox. What is the most magical thing that has ever happened to you?  I'm fucking pathetic that time Mark reblogged my gif lmao my soul evacuated my body and left me for dead for like three days & nothing felt real.  Whenever that gif comes up in my activity now, a single tear falls. Do you have high blood pressure? No, it's usually kinda low. Have you ever pumped gas?  No.  I'm 22.  Weeps. Do you have any appointments this month?  I have a therapy and psychiatry appointment monthly, so yes. Do you like bras that have removable straps? h u n n y I ain't in the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee so it makes no difference to me, me wearing bras without straps is a danger to society. What are you the most sensitive about? Can we like never comment on my weight.  Actually, scratch that, that's not the worst.  I would probably rip someone's eyes out and sob for a week if someone claimed I did Jason wrong.  I'd fucking lose it. Have you ever left a mean unsigned note? No, I don't think I've ever left a mean note. What are three things that you try not to think about?  Perhaps more than anything is the fact one day, I may become immune to the medications that played a big role in saving my life.  I try really, really hard to never think about that.  I do pretty well at that, thankfully...  Two others are hazards of me driving and the possibility of getting another job that only flops. Is casual sex acceptable for you? Abso-fucking-lutely not. What form of sexual protection do you use? Being in a gay relationship lmao.  Okay but seriously I take birth control, but for my period. Do you believe in the need for political correctness? It's gone way too goddamn far jfc. Does anyone have a video tape of you doing something embarrassing?  Mom probably lmao. What is the worst fault a person can have?  Abusive. Who have you read a biography about?  Ozzy Osbourne. What do you find yourself encouraging others to try?  BELIEVE IN YOUR CAPABILITIES!!! Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch?  Maggots, slugs, some spiders and insects, centipedes... If it were legal would you own a human slave (race unimportant)?  Nope. Do/did you always say goodnight to your parents before bed?  No. Are there any holidays you don’t celebrate?  It'd be easier to tell you what we do celebrate.
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