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jgmartin · 10 months

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OPERATION EDENFALL

The sail was classified.

Whatever we were doing out there, they didn’t want anybody to know– not the Russians, not the Chinese, not the public and certainly not us, the crew. They kept us in the dark, fed us the lie that we were heading out on a routine patrol.

Up and down the coast, they said.

Back in no time.

But that was before the storm. It was before the sea turned into a maelstrom and the night swallowed the sun. It was before the captain slit his throat on the bridge, and before the crew tossed themselves overboard.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’m a retired navy veteran, and I’m going to tell you something I shouldn’t. It’s the sort of thing that might get me killed, but I’m long past caring. I’ve got one foot in the grave anyway. Doctor says it's terminal. That means I can tell you whatever the hell I want, and short of conscripting ghosts to arrest me in the afterlife, the Powers That Be can go fuck themselves.

My name is Walter. This is the story of Operation EDENFALL, and how our world ends.

The sail began like any other. Our destroyer sat tied up alongside, our crew formed up in neat lines running from the jetty to the lower decks. We were storing ship. Food. Supplies. We brought on anything the next mission might need. It was a normal, run-of-the-mill evolution– all the way up until the moment they arrived.

The Secret Ones.

Nobody on board seemed to know who they were. Government? Civilian? It was anybody’s guess, but what we did know is they were weird fucks. They wore masks of crimson, tight balaclavas without holes for their eyes or mouths. When they arrived, they shoved past our line on the brow and ordered the quartermaster to fetch our captain.

“We need to speak,” they said.

And that’s just what they did.

I watched from the edge of my vision as all six Secret Ones surrounded the captain, the group mumbling words too quietly for me to make out. Their conversation lasted twenty minutes. By the end of it, the captain was frowning– he quickly stepped into the quartermaster shack to make a call ashore, and he looked nervous.

Terrified.

When the call finished, he muttered something dismissively to the Secret Ones before vanishing below decks. The rest of us were left scratching our heads. We had no idea what we’d just witnessed, but by the end of the day, we’d come up with more than a few theories.

Some said the Secret Ones were actually elite special forces, something beyond even SEAL Team 6. That’s why they wore the masks. That way, nobody could see their faces, or what they were looking at, or read their lips.

Others said they were intelligence operators. That they had access to such sensitive intel that they could only learn a fraction of it each, just in case one of them got captured by the enemy. Only together could they divulge their secrets in their entirety.

Briggs, a stoker from down in the engine rooms joked that they were illuminati. Lizards from mars.

Me?

I didn’t know what they were. To be honest, I didn’t really care either. All I wanted was to get the damn sail over with so I could get back home and see my wife. Abby and I had just had our first child, a beautiful baby girl named Alice. That’s all the navy was to me. A way to give Alice the life I never had– a happy life.

And when we set sail that day, I still believed that.

What a naive idiot I was.

About an hour after leaving the wall, the ship dropped anchor. A pipe blared through the intercom system, mustering the crew in the hangar. When I arrived, I found the captain standing at the front of all 200 of us, three of the Secret Ones on either side of him. They looked just as creepy as ever. Silent. Unmoving.

The captain cleared his throat. He told us this was difficult for him to do, but prior to our departure he received word that our mission had changed. Murmurs erupted across the crew. He raised his voice, cutting through the chatter.

“The sail is no longer expected to be routine, and I’m telling you now that you’d do well to expect the unexpected.”

He nodded to our medical officer, who looked deeply uncomfortable. She began moving through our ranks, dropping a pill into each of our hands, instructing us to keep it on our person at all times. Whatever you do, she said, don’t eat it.

“What is it?” Briggs asked loudly.

“Cyanide,” the captain replied.

I swallowed. Thankfully, the crew erupted into laughter, and so I joined them. It had to be a joke. What an absurd thing to say…

“Honestly, sir,” somebody called from the back, “Is this a malaria pill? Are we deploying? Cause I should let my wife know–”

“It’s cyanide, sailor. If you know what’s good for you, you won’t lose it.” The captain sighed, looking at the Secret Ones who stood like gargoyles on either side of him, and then shook his head. He stormed off, and the Secret Ones followed.

That night, Briggs died.

He tried the capsule. He swore up and down that the whole thing was a dumb joke, some government psyop to see if we were all gullible idiots. “There’s no fucking shot this is real,” he proclaimed loudly in the mess, holding it aloft with a smirk. “The officers don’t even trust us to clean toilets unsupervised, you think they’d let us carry around cyanide?” He popped the pill into his mouth. Washed it down with some orange juice.

His last words?

“Tastes like Smarties.”

Briggs died quick.

He died in a seizing, sputtering mess of shit and piss, but once his organs gave out it was only a matter of seconds. Carrying his corpse to the medical bay, though? That took minutes. It took minutes that felt like hours, like years. Once we dropped him on the doc’s slab, she did what she could to resuscitate him, but you could tell in her face that she knew it was a lost cause.

By then, Briggs was already gone. Long gone.

After that, we all assumed we’d turn the ship around and head back. We thought we’d at least drop off Briggs’ body, pay our respects, and take a day to grieve before resuming the mission. But the captain informed us there would be no funeral. There would be no grieving process.

In his words, “The show must go on.”

The ship entered into a state of lockdown. No outgoing communication. No incoming. River City. That meant we had no way to call home, and no way for home to call us. We were isolated. Alone. And then, if you can believe it, the captain had the nerve to get on the PA system and tell us that things were going to get worse.

“Briggs’ death,” he began, “while tragic, is just the tip of our iceberg. I wish I could share more details of what’s to come, but the truth is we’re going into uncharted territory. There are no certainties. All I can say is that by the end of this Briggs’ won’t have died for nothing. Where we go, history will follow.”

The crew became furious.

It seemed insulting, dismissive to treat the death of a crewmate like just another day at work, particularly in peacetime. At sea, there’s always a sailor that does the heavy lifting when it comes to morale. They bring a smile to every face they pass. Their jokes turn bad days into hilarious memories. That was Briggs. He wasn’t just a talented engineer, but a fantastic friend. His loss was a hit to the crew. A big one.

After that, many of us threw our cyanide caps overboard. We hated the memory they represented– the loss of somebody so important.

It’s something many of us would later come to regret.

In the days following Briggs’ death, the ship never held an official funeral, but the crew mourned in our own ways. We swapped stories over soup. We decked his rack out in old photos of him, the more embarrassing the better– just the way Briggs would have wanted it. It became a sort of memorial, a place where we could make peace with his passing.

But as the days ticked on, things became darker. The crew’s morale dipped further and further, and soon, it seemed as though we were all coming undone. We no longer traded our favorite memories of Briggs. Now we were trading conspiracy theories, our best guesswork of just what the hell our ship was doing out here.

It’s China. They’ve got a secret weapon and we’re gonna dismantle it. I saw this YouTube video about it. If they catch us though, they’re gonna torture the fuck outta us, so that’s why Skipper gave us the cyanide.

Fuck that. Are you listening to yourself? You sound nuts. It’s Russia, gotta be. They’re going nuclear and we got early word so now we’re out to sink their subs. What do you mean why? They can’t second strike us after we glass ‘em, can they? It ain’t genocide if we got no choice.

I didn’t know what to think.

I’d never experienced anything like this, and so I just woke up, did my watches, and went to bed. Rinse. Repeat. I tried not to talk about what was going on because every time I did, Briggs inevitably came up and the memory hurt like a knife to the gut. He and I had gone through basic together. We’d sailed up and down the Pacific Northwest and made a game of finding old coins in every port. So I just kept my head down. Did my work.

I was doing that work when the captain’s warning came true. When things got worse.

It was a night watch and I’d been steering the ship on helm. One moment, we were sailing through smooth waters in a bright, cloudless night, and the next moment it all vanished. Darkness stole the evening like a lightswitch set to off.

I recall the watch officer moving onto the bridge wings and staring up at the sky, trying to determine if the moon had slipped behind a cloud. When he came back, he looked confused. Shaken. It was odd to me because we had radars so it wasn’t like we were navigating blind. He called the captain and reported that the moon was missing. Gone.

“Stay the course,” the captain commanded.

“But sir–”

Click.

The watch officer looked at me, shook his head. “He hung up,” he said.

The next morning the sun never rose. The sky remained as black and haunting as the night before. Around this time, the Secret Ones began acting more bizarre. Whereas before they more or less stayed put in their cabins, now they wandered the ship aimlessly. They’d mumble nonsense under their breaths as you passed them in the flats. They’d run their hands over surfaces, stare blankly at bulkheads.

Every so often, you’d catch a couple of them heading to the upper decks with a small ham radio and a portable antenna. They’d set it up and sit there for hours. Mostly they didn’t speak into the microphone, just sat and listened to the static buzz of the speaker. Sometimes you’d hear them screech into the mic. Once, I even saw one crying. He sat there, silently sobbing into the microphone while rocking back and forth.

Events like these transformed the crew’s theories. Talks of Russian or Chinese super weapons mostly vanished, and now the prevailing theory was that we’d been dispatched to make contact with aliens. According to Reynolds, he overheard some officers whispering about a downed spacecraft. We were on our way to investigate their SOS signal.

That’s why the sky’s gone all fucky. It’s alien cloaking technology designed to keep their craft hidden. If we get it first then we’ll be able to travel to different planets and shit. The guys in red work for NASA. Space Force. Whaddya mean how do I know? I asked one.

No way. I told you the Russians were gonna nuke us and now they did. Why do you think it’s so fucking dark, man? Nuclear winter. Duh. All the ash and soot blotted out the sun. Read a book someday and you might learn something.

Neither theory was close to the truth.

None of us had any idea just how bad things were, or how bad they were going to get. If we had, then we’d have staged a mutiny right then and there. We’d have turned the ship around and gone back the way we came, blown the whistle and made damn sure the people who orchestrated this thing ended up behind bars.

But we didn’t.

Instead, we trusted the captain, and we trusted the navy.

Instead, we sailed into the night.

The following week passed in confusion and despair. The crew became irate. Shipmates who were usually chipper began snapping at one another, fighting over the tiniest things. Small comments became loud meltdowns in the space of seconds. Cold coffee led to fist fights. Missing toilet paper left a sailor with a black eye and a bloody nose.

But those were manageable problems. not so far out of the ordinary that we weren’t equipped to understand them, to deal with them. But what happened in the gym between Myers and Ashely? That was something none of us were equipped to deal with.

It started with Ashely spotting Myers on the bench press. I don’t know what was said. I wasn’t there. All my information is second-hand but according to witnesses, an argument started when Ashely accused Myers of sabotaging her marriage. Words flew. Myers went to rack his bar, but Ashely kicked the bar back down on his neck.

Two hundred and fifteen pounds. It nearly decapitated him.

From what I hear, it’d have been better if it had.

Myers was still alive when the doc arrived. His limbs were twitching weakly, his body suffering periodic spasms as it lay in a pool of its own blood. His neck had been partially severed, his head hanging on by a thick strip of flesh.

His eyes though, his eyes were still moving.

Ashley sat in the corner, screaming that she didn’t mean to, that she never wanted to hurt him but something forced her. “I couldn’t stop myself,” she said over and over. “I’m sorry,” she bawled as they dragged her away, locking her up until they could sort out just what the hell happened.

Myers didn’t live much longer. Mercifully, the doc put him out of his misery the fastest way she could think of– by finishing the job. The rest of us got to work at cleaning up the blood in the weight room. As for Ashley? She died an hour later. Turns out she’d held onto her cyanide capsule, and lucky for her, she got a chance to use it.

At the time, I felt for both of them. I hated the idea that Myers was made to suffer the way that he did, but I also felt awful for Ashley because I knew, deep down, what she meant. I think all of us did. She never wanted to hurt Myers. Something had brought a shadow out of her, a monster that should never have existed.

A dark miasma had infected our ship, it’d seeped into our hearts and minds, making us angry, desperate things.

That night, I thought of Ashley. I thought of what she must have looked like after she’d swallowed her cyanide cap, of how easy it could have been to escape this nightmare if I’d never flushed mine. But then my thoughts turned to my wife, my daughter. Guilt filled my stomach like a pit of vipers, snapping at me for daring to think of leaving them behind.

It took time, but eventually I drifted off. My dreams that night were messy things. Hopeless. I dreamt of Briggs’ spirit wandering the ship, unable to find peace so far from home, trapped in this steel cage drifting through endless night. I dreamt of him going through the mess, from bunk to bunk, killing all of us. “It’s for your own good,” he’d say, before reaching into our chests and stopping our hearts. “Somebodys gotta look out for you, right?”

I awoke in a cold sweat. My mind felt like mush, and I hastily brushed my teeth before stumbling through the flats like a zombie. I had to get to my watch on the bridge. With each step I took, my ears rang, and my vision seemed to stutter like television static. I half wondered if I’d been drugged, if maybe there’d been a carbon monoxide leak from the diesel pump below our mess, but then something caught my eye.

The Secret Ones’ cabin. Its door was cracked open, barely an inch.

It was never open.

I crept forward, peeking inside to see that the lights were out. It took a second for my eyes to adjust, but once they did I saw one of them sitting at a desk with their back to me. A low sound played throughout the room. It resembled music, but it was decidedly off-tune and uncomfortable, like a violin’s strings being stripped and sanded. Grimacing, I stepped inside, using the ‘music’ to cover my footsteps as I eyed the Secret One sitting rigid in his seat.

My jaw dropped.

He wasn’t wearing his mask. At least, not properly. It was lifted up just above his eyes– except he had none. No eyes. No nose. He only had a tiny hole where there should have been a mouth. My heart hammered, suddenly understanding why these creeps were running their hands over everything on the ship, why they’d stand they were in utter silence staring at bulkheads. They were navigating. Scouting.

Listening.

The Secret One lifted a finger to his face, traced it along a series of wounds, some still fresh with blood. I brought a hand to my mouth, stifling a gag. He plunged his fingernail into his cheek, whimpering as he slowly dragged it through his skin. Slowly, he began to peel back a strip of flesh. Then another.

He placed them down upon the desk, humming in tune with the distorted music. The flesh began to writhe. It began to twist, reshape itself. The Secret One touched it, felt it in his hands as he moaned in low ecstacy. Reaching down, he opened a drawer. Took a file folder out of it and opened it, placing it upon the desk. He scribbled something on the paper, then closed the file and replaced it in the drawer.

What the fuck…

The cabin door creaked. I froze, watching as the thin beam of light from the flats grew, widening as I watched in abject horror as another Secret One entered the room. It stood, staring in my direction through its crimson mask. It cocked its head sideways. Took a step forward. My body rippled with goosebumps, flushed itself with adrenaline as I wondered if this Secret One was different. Perhaps it still had its eyes. Its nose. Perhaps it could see me.

It mumbled something incoherent. The Secret One that had been sitting mumbled something back, and then turned its seat, looking toward me. It rose from its chair. My skull pounded. Like a freak storm, a pulsing headache rose from nowhere, growing in pain until I wanted to scream.

But I couldn’t. If I made a sound, then they’d know I was here.

If they didn’t already.

The first Secret One stepped toward me, and I took a step back in concert with its own. I hoped I could use the sound of its footsteps to mask mine. It reached toward me. I clenched my teeth, shuttered my eyes and prepared myself for whatever nightmare was coming, but instead I heard the soft click of a locker opening. To my side, a locker door opened with a screech, and the Secret One reached into it to remove a ham radio and a… machete. My heart hit my rib cage once. Twice.

I felt faint.

Then they left. Both of them turned, walked away and left me in their cabin alone. Alone with the dossier.

I took a sharp breath and moved to the desk drawer, opening it and removing the folder. I thumbed through the documents inside, but they were incomprehensible. They appeared to be written inside a fever dream. Strange symbols. Meaningless numbers. Nothing about what I was looking at even approached the realm of sensibility, but it occurred to me that maybe that was the point. Perhaps this was a code.

I didn’t have time to decipher it, so I stuffed the folder into my shirt for later analysis. Right now, I was late. I hurried to the bridge, breathless by the time I made it for my shift on helm. I gave a hasty turnover report to Sandhu, the watch officer, and sat down in my seat. I took over steering, and my mind spun with what I’d just seen.

Were these Secret Ones some kind of cultists?

Was Briggs right all along? Were we sailing with the goddamn Illuminati?

Were any of them even human?

Before I could think it through, the captain interrupted my thoughts. He stumbled onto the bridge, looking halfway between drunk and dead. I’d heard rumors throughout the ship that he was in poor health, but this was the first time I’d actually seen him out of the cabin in… weeks. His face was emaciated. His cheeks were so sunken that the bones looked liable to pierce his skin, and I idly wondered if he’d eaten anything since we’d set sail.

“Evening sir,” Sandhu said, sounding uncomfortable. “Err, how are you feeling?”

The captain mumbled something unintelligible in response, brushing past her and practically collapsing into his chair. He buckled the seat belt.

Sandhu and I exchanged a look. She cleared her throat. “Is everything… is everything alright, sir? Should we be expecting heavy seas?”

The captain looked at her, but he didn’t seem to see her. His skeletal fingers gripped the armrests, and his lips began to move as though he were trying to speak but had no voice.

“I’m sorry sir, I can’t quite hear you. Could you speak a little louder?” she leaned forward, holding her ear toward the captain’s mouth.

“Goodbye,” he rasped.

“I’m sorry?”

“Goodbye.”

“Sir,” Sandhu began, but the captain cut her off.

Goodbye.

Tears leaked from the captain's eyes, and his body shook with tremors with each farewell he spoke.

“I’m calling the doc,” Sandhu announced, moving toward the phone. She picked it up, but before she managed to punch in the number, an orange glow appeared beneath the dark of the windows.

“What the…” she muttered, stepping toward it.

“Ma,am!” called Ramirez who had been standing lookout on the bridge wings. He rushed inside, his eyes wide. “Those… Those Secret types just lit a bonfire on our gun deck!”

“Come again?” Sandu rushed to the window, looked straight down and shock and rage filled her features. She ran to the bridge wings, shouted down to the Secret Ones to put the fire out this instant. A moment later, she screamed.

Ramirez, who had been gazing out the window, suddenly turned and vomited onto the deck. He stumbled, holding himself up against a radar console. “Oh my god…”

“Ramirez!” I snapped, shooting up from my seat. “What’s going on out there?”

“It’s Ashley,” Ramirez said, wiping his mouth with a sleeve. “It’s Ashely and Briggs… They’re chopping up their corpses on the deck.”

Sandhu stormed back inside, a fire in her voice. “Captain! Permission to mobilize an ERT to put those red-masked assholes in confinement! They’re desecrating our shipmates out there!”

The captain tilted his head, gazed straight through her.

Goodbye.

Sandhu cursed. She practically ripped the radio off the desk, punching in the number for the Executive Officer. “Ma’am?” she said. “It’s Lieutenant Sandhu on the bridge. Listen, we’ve got a situation up here. Those Secret types are cutting up the bodies of Briggs and Ashely on the gun deck, and they’ve got a fire too… Yes, you heard me right… Roger. Make sure the ERT is armed, at least one of those assholes has a machete… That’s just it ma’am. The captain’s well aware, he’s up here with me now, but he’s out of his mind. Keeps saying goodbye over and over… Thank you.”

She hung up the phone, grit her teeth. After a moment, she took a deep breath and looked at me and Ramirez. “We’ve got an ERT being deployed to lock those red-masks up. The XO is assuming command. We’re turning this ship around.”

Ramirez pumped his fist. “Finally!”

But somehow, even then, I knew it was too little too late. Whatever those Secret Ones had set out to do with Briggs and Ashley’s bodies, they’d already succeeded. The wind began to howl. Then it began to scream.

A wave struck us broadside. Then another. Ramirez stopped celebrating long enough to grab hold of the radar console, but then another wave hit us. A big one.

The impact twisted the destroyer like a rubber duck in the bath. It knocked Ramirez sideways, tumbled Sandhu across the deck. I managed to steady myself against the helm console long enough to get my seatbelt strapped in.

“Jesus Christ,” I heard Sandhu breathe. “Is everybody alright?”

“What was that?” I asked.

“Rogue wave,” Sandhu muttered, getting to her feet. “It’s been three weeks of glassy seas, and then that comes out of nowhere. I’m telling you, this sail is cursed. It was cursed from the second we pushed off the wall.” She picked up the radio and began a shipwide announcement to commence an immediate rapid survey, but before she could finish another wave struck us.

Then another.

And another.

Sandu’s head slammed against the center console with a sickening crack. Her body collapsed to the deck motionless. I shouted out to her, but I couldn’t do a thing to help. I was at the mercy of the waves. I braced against the helm, my seatbelt squeezing painfully into my waist as more and more of the ocean crashed into our hull. Nearby, Ramirez was gripping a hand-hold and shrieking.

No, not shrieking. Praying.

The captain, sitting buckled into his seat, swung limply side to side as he continued his refrain.

Goodbye.

Lightning flashed.

For the first time in weeks, I glimpsed the pitch-black sky. Dark clouds spun around us, swirling as though caught up in a whirlwind, and within those clouds swam shadows. Faces. They gazed down at us, anguished. I saw Ashley. Briggs. I heard them whimper and howl, as though they were suffering a great agony.

Ramirez’s body arched, it twisted. He began to scream and holler, writhing in a way that made it seem as if he were being picked apart from the inside out. I wanted to leap from my seat. I wanted to help, but I knew I had to keep control of the ship. Right now, the only thing stopping us from capsizing was me keeping a steady course into the waves. Abandoning the helm in a storm like this would mean certain death.

“Heavenly father…” Ramirez groaned. Tears streamed from his eyes as he gazed up at the haunting faces of the dead, swirling in the clouds above us. “Forgive me… For what I do…” His hands gripped the guardrails that ran the length of the bridge, and he pulled himself against the violent movements of the ship. Slowly. Inch by inch. I watched helplessly as he reached the hatch leading outside to the bridgewings, knowing exactly what he intended to do.

After all, Ramirez and I had flushed our cyanide capsules together.

“Don’t…!” I called out, but I couldn’t think of a reason not to. Why shouldn’t he? Why shouldn’t I join him? Ramirez paused at the hatch, looked at me, and mouthed something I think might have been sorry.

Then he flung the door open. The bridge erupted with the deafening cacophony of the storm, and through the wind and the spray, I watched Ramirez throw himself into the sea.

I sat there, knowing sooner or later I’d follow him. Right now, I was dying in slow motion. The waves, already vicious, worsened. The swells now threatened to rise up and swallow the ship itself, reaching heights that resembled skyscrapers, or mountains. The ship’s hull groaned. It sounded as though the whole vessel was moments away from splitting in two.

Please, I thought to myself. Please let me make it out of here, if not for me, then for my daughter. My wife.

And then, cast in the flickering light of the storm, I saw my death. A wave. Larger than any before it– a goliath. The wall of water practically ate the sky, and when it came down upon us, I knew it was over.

My neck snapped sideways. My seatbelt tore into my waist. Suddenly, up was down and down was up. The ship tumbled in the rage of the sea, frigid water shattering the bridge windows as the captain and I drowned in darkness.

In retrospect, I don't know why I held my breath. After all that had happened, drowning would have been easy, preferable. But I did. I think I held it for Abby and Alice, gurgling as I desperately attempted to get my bearings. And then, as though by some miracle the water began to drain.

I gazed in disoriented shock as the ocean poured out of the broken bridge windows, Sandhu’s lifeless body following suit. It occurred to me that I was hanging upside down. That my seatbelt was digging into my waist, stealing my breath. Ahead of me, the captain was suffering the same dilemma, and this time he wasn’t repeating Goodbye. No, that brief moment of capsizing must have shocked him back into lucidity.

But if we didn’t capsize, why were we upside down?

I followed the captain’s gaze out past the broken windows, out into the black of night and there I saw something more awful than anything I’ve ever seen. I saw something staring back at us.

It was colossal. It watched us through the broken window, its eyes like three orbs of swirling obsidian. The captain reached into his pocket, pulled out his ship’s knife usually reserved for cutting lines. I wondered if he meant to fight that thing. To go out swinging. To get revenge on this monster for turning him into a mindless zombie and dragging his crew to their deaths–

And then he pressed the knife into the side of his throat. With a gurgling groan, he gripped it with both hands, and tore it across his neck.

Blood burst from him like a faucet.

The creature appeared satisfied. It turned its gaze to me then, and in its eyes I saw an abyss. A void. It was as though something had bottled all the pain of humanity and compressed it into a single point, like a collapsing star, before igniting it. What I saw was a new big bang. An entire universe built of our despair.

I twisted in my seat, panicking. It felt like somebody had poured napalm into my skull, and it was only then that I realized this monster was inside of my mind. It was tasting my thoughts. My memories. I clenched my fists, my fingernails digging into the bone of my palm and I set my jaw as I screamed my throat raw.

None of it lessened the agony.

The cyanide. Why did I throw out the cyanide? It would’ve been so easy.

Abby, I thought. That was why I threw out the cyanide.

Abby and Alice, my little angel, who would grow up with her father. Alone. Confused. No– I couldn’t punch my ticket. Not if it meant leaving him behind.

My thoughts rebounded against the monster. The love I had for my daughter, for my wife, seemed to grow and expand, filling the vast emptiness this being had left inside of me. Slowly, the napalm in my skull began to fade. The screams echoing from my mouth became gasping breaths. A voice reached me, a voice from somewhere distant and endless, and it told me to never return. To always hold onto what I have. Never let go.

Then, from beyond the shattered windows, the monster’s abyssal eyes closed.

And so did mine.

I awoke to the sun. I found myself floating on a piece of debris in a place I’d later discover was off the coast of Guam. The waves gently sloshed at my feet. There was no sign of my ship, my crew, or the monster that we’d discovered in the sea. It was quiet here. Peaceful.

Gulls squawked overhead and a bell rang. It drew my attention. Some distance away I saw a small fishing vessel, one that appeared to have diverted course to sail in my direction. Its crew members were tiny dots on the deck. They were shouting at me. Waving.

They saved my life.

But they weren’t the only ones I had to thank. No, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also thank the monster in the sea. A creature I came to know as Eden. Those documents I’d stolen from the Secret Ones, the papers I’d stuffed into my jacket, well they were badly damaged and waterlogged– but not unreadable. It took me time to translate them. I had to enlist the help of several individuals who I won’t name here for obvious reasons, but I will say that what we discovered was haunting.

We learned that we’d been fed a lie.

Or, at the very least, a partial lie. It turns out that the theory of evolution is missing components, that it’s only telling part of a broader story. See, the way we know things is that life originated from the primordial soup. We’re taught that this all began with basic organisms crawling out of the sea, but what we aren’t taught is that those organisms weren’t miracles. They weren’t a happy coincidence.

They were births.

A billion years ago, something came to our planet. It was a creature, one of unfathomable power from a distant galaxy. It settled deep in the ocean. There, it began to create life, learning as it went. These iterations would one day lead to the creation apes, then to humanity. What we discovered is that this creature was intelligent, but also lonely. It desired connection. In an effort to assuage this void in itself, it did something that it had never done: it imparted fragments of its own consciousness upon a lifeform. It linked itself to human beings.

But it backfired.

The link to this creature’s mind proved unbreakable. Even as it attempted to instill virtues within humanity, to inspire us toward love and compassion and peace, we fought against it. Rebelled. Our baser, primal instincts eventually won out. We fell again and again into cycles of violence and war, of rape and murder. We poisoned this creature– this Eden with our corruption, but still it persisted. It knew that to break its link to us would mean the end of humanity as we knew it, and that whatever empathy we had would become more violence. More rage.

Like a mother, it couldn’t let go of its child. It believed in us, trusted that we could do better, become better– if not then, then eventually.

But now, it’s been too long. This mental wound has festered, it’s gone untreated and Eden is paying the price. She’s dying. Withering away. All our hatred and greed, our thirst for destruction and division has reached a critical mass inside of her and she’s beginning to collapse. She’s filling up with our madness. The mother that once birthed us is now gone, and a monster has taken her place.

The Secret Ones knew all of this. According to their documents, they believed that she intended to finally cauterize her wound, to put an end to humanity before we could put an end to her. Their intention was to strike first. That’s what we were– my ship, my crew– a first strike against our mother. Our creator.

But the most terrifying thing?

The Secret Ones had no idea what would even happen if we succeeded. If Eden died. Theories posited were that she might simply sink to the bottom of the sea, rot away across decades until her bones washed ashore. Another theory posited that perhaps the madness we’d filled her with would leak out of her, like a nuclear core in meltdown, infecting the world in a miasma of insanity.

There were so many variables. Too many to account for. The only thing the Secret Ones appeared absolutely certain of is that we would lose our connection to her. We would lose our love. Our empathy. We would lose our very souls, and to them, survival was worth it.

But I didn’t think so then. I don’t think so now.

My empathy, my love is the only reason I’m writing this today. It was my wife, my daughter who saved me that night. When Eden looked into my eyes, when she expected to see the madness of human corruption she instead saw a piece of that dream she had so long ago. A dream of harmony. A dream of peace.

I believe that’s why she let me go. She recognized that there are still those among us who try to carry her torch, who live with love in our hearts. And it’s for just that reason that I know there’s still love in hers.

But that was all many years ago now. Times have changed. As a species, we’ve grown more divided, more angry and more vile and we rejoice in the failures of one another and criticize our triumphs. All around us, love is drying up. It’s smoldering in the embers of selfishness and narcissism, and when I see that, I can't help but wonder whether the Secret Ones eventually succeeded in their mission.

I can’t help but wonder if Eden is finally dead.

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illusioninfnty · 1 year

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Outlast: Chapter Five (Sam Giddings x Reader)

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 3.7K

1:03 ; Six hours until dawn

“Well that doesn’t look fucking creepy.”

Blackwood Sanitorium stands tall and proud in the distance. Although your vision is slightly skewed by the current weather, it was nearly impossible to miss its imposing presence.

You roll your eyes at Mike’s comment. “I really don’t think anyone’s going to be renovating a building like that.”

You were acutely aware of the long history behind Blackwood Sanitorium–it was something drilled into you when you had revealed to your parents where exactly the Washington’s vacation home had been. Mike was none the wiser, but you knew that it was probably for the better that no one went near that place to fix it up.

He shoves your shoulder. “You know what I mean. Besides, it makes sense that a dude like him is probably hiding out there.”

A rather strong gust of wind reminds you of your current predicament, and the time that the two of you are currently wasting with your petty arguments as the snow piles on.

“Come on. It’s just going to get harder to walk if we keep dilly dallying.”

“Dilly dallying? What are you, my mom?” Mike retorts.

“No, but I’ll be your stepmom when I’m done with her.” A moment of silence passes between the two of you until you both begin to laugh.

“It feels like forever since we’ve had a conversation like this.”

Knowing it’s partially your fault, you can’t help but feel guilty, especially hearing the glee in Mike’s voice. “Yeah,” you respond glumly.

You focus on lifting your legs up to navigate through the increased height of snow before speaking up again.

“So how have you been?” Mike gives you a surprised look. You realize that you haven’t actually asked Mike about himself, with your angsty grudge against him and all. But if the two of you were going to face the Sanitorium together, it was probably better to build up your relationship again. You did also really miss your friend, and you knew that Sam would chastise you if you kept your feelings to yourself once again.

“Oh, so now you want to know?” He raises an eyebrow at you, a smirk ghosting his face. You can tell by the tone that he’s being lighthearted about it, but it still stings. You bite the inside of your cheek and look down, not responding.

You can hear Mike sigh next to you. “I’ve been alright. I kind of distracted myself from everything by surrounding myself with people. Em and I weren’t doing too well, and it led to me getting closer to Jess. You know how the rest goes.”

“Huh. I wouldn’t have pegged you as a friendship destroyer.” You snort at your own quip.

Mike shakes his head. “Things were already tense between them, I think I was just another factor.” You nod in understanding before he changes the subject. “Okay, enough about my shit. What about you? Seems like you and Sam are getting really serious.”

You smile, never giving up the opportunity to talk about your girlfriend. “Hell yeah. We moved in together and all that shit. We’re super serious.”

“Damn.” Mike whistles. “And she’s okay with you drinking all the time?”

You freeze. “I mean, I don’t drink all the time.”

Mike deadpans. “Most of it.”

“Some of it.”

“Most.”

“Okay, okay, most of the time.” You concede. “It was getting better, you know. Just me and Sam in our cozy little apartment really eased my anxiety. But then we just got back here and it all came flooding back. And you’ve seen how this night’s been turning out.” you try to argue.

Mike isn’t buying it. “If you were literally any other person, I would not blame you for trying to get shitfaced tonight. But you’ve got to stop doing this to yourself.” He turns to you, his face serious. “Have you tried getting some actual help?”

You shift your gaze, avoiding eye contact with him. “Sam’s been trying to get me to do it but…I don’t know. I just don’t think it’ll do much. No one’s going to understand all of my baggage.” You’re pretty sure if you mention your upbringing and your newfound belief in what your parents have been warning you about you’d be hauled off to a mental institution without second thought.

“That’s because you need to let them.” Mike shifts the rifle in his hand so he can squeeze your shoulder. “You don’t let anyone in. I’ve known you forever and I still feel like you're a mystery. And I’m sure you didn’t tell Sam much more about it either.”

Your silence confirms his belief.

“You won’t get any better if you don’t let anyone understand.”

He was right, you knew that. But you also knew that none of your friends would believe you about the horrors that existed unless they saw for themselves. By the looks of it, that was most certainly happening tonight. You needed to focus on being prepared for whatever was to come, not your personal woes.

“Maybe.” You dismiss Mike’s comment and cross your arms around your upper body. “Let’s keep going.”

The two of you talk about mindless things for the rest of the walk, occasionally struggling with the heavy winds and snow. The thought of the night ahead lingers in the back of your mind as you finally approach the entrance of the sanatorium. Once you reach the entrance where you saw the stranger go through, the two of you peek in an opening of the door. You watch as the stranger throws food to the wolves and walk around a bit until he’s out of your limited view. The slam of a door only seconds later alerts you to his exit. At that point, Mike grabs the door handle before turning towards you.

“You ready?” He asks, preparing his rifle in his free hand.

“No need to be dramatic, Mr. Macho.” You roll your eyes and grab the handle from him. “Just stay quiet and don’t touch shit that looks like it shouldn’t be touched.”

You reach to open the door, anticipating the vulnerability you’ll face to whatever it was that was waiting for you inside.

1:11

Sam lets out a contented sigh as she sinks deeper into the warm bath water. It definitely felt great with the current weather, but Sam would’ve preferred if you were able to join her.

She tries to forget how long it’s been since you initially left, instead trying to soak up all the worries through the classical music blasting in her ears, an orchestral piece that the both of you enjoyed listening to during quiet afternoons at your apartment.

Suddenly, the snuff of the candles that line the bathtub alert her to another present, causing her to pause the music and pull out an earbud.

“Hello? Guys?” With no response, Sam pulls herself out of the tub and wraps herself in a white towel, looking around for her clothes but finding nothing but a single sock that she picks up with her index and thumb.

She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. This was really not the time where she wanted to be pranked by her friends. “Seriously not cool, guys. Not cool,” she shouts out, hoping they can hear her from wherever they’re hiding.

She heads downstairs to look for everyone—for anyone, at this point—uneasy about how quiet that lodge felt at that moment. “Chris? Mike? Emily?” She hesitates before calling out your name as well.

God, Sam really hoped you weren’t back and pulling shit like this on her. She would’ve much rather have been surprised by you sneaking in the bath with her, not stealing her clothes and leaving her feeling uncomfortable in the seemingly empty cabin.

But Sam knew you, and you wouldn’t pull something like this.

Sam’s forehead creases with worry as she makes her way down the stairs in search of whoever it was behind her clothes’ disappearing act. She heads to the cinema room, grabbing a flashlight before entering.

As she yells for her friends again, the doors to the cinema room slam shut, causing her to scream and spin around in a feeble attempt at locating the source of the disruption.

“Hello, Samantha. Looking for me? I don’t think you’ll have much luck by looking, Samantha.”

A modulated voice rings out in the cinema room through its speakers. Sam’s breath hitches as she stills in fear, unsure of what this person was doing. She attempts to shout in protest before they continue.

“You’re only going to see what I want you to see…and I have quite a lot to show you.”

“What’s going on?” Sam sputters, equally confused and petrified.

The screen turns on, and Sam sees herself—just moments ago—as she relaxes in the bathtub. Her hand holding the flashlight quivers as she can barely find the words to speak, horrified at some random stranger recording her without her knowledge. “Why are you showing this to me…?” she manages to get out, looking behind her to find this person once again.

“Why are you watching?”

As Sam turns back to the screen, the video flickers to Josh who was bound by his hands and screaming, a circular saw cutting him in half, innards spilling everywhere as he cries in agony.

“Josh!” Sam was absolutely horrified at the scene, tears forming in her eyes as her hands trembled. “What did you do?” she shouts, despite knowing it was hopeless.

“I’m going to give you ten seconds…nine…”

“No, no, no…” Sam panics, unsure what she should do.

“Seven.”

The man—the psycho bursts into the room, a hulking figure covered up by a menacing skull-like mask.

“Sam…” he draws out her name teasingly, mockingly.

By instinct, Sam grasps around for the first thing she can use as a defense. Her hand finds the touch of a ceramic vase and without hesitation she throws it at the psycho. It shatters against his arm as she runs towards the guest room.

Not wanting him to catch up, she jumps over the bed and out of the room just as he busts the door of the guest room open behind her.

She’s met with the basement stairs, hurriedly stepping down them as she remembers the broken step Josh mentioned earlier and avoids stepping on it.

She’s breathing heavily at this point, one hand holding the flashlight up and the other across her chest to ensure her towel doesn’t fall down. She briefly thinks about how impressed you’d be to hear her outrun this psycho in just her towel before hiding behind a nearby pillar and covering the flashlight.

As she hears the psycho enter, she takes a deep breath and tries to remember what you’d taught her about self defense.

“Sam? Why are you hiding?”

Your comforting voice in her head drowns out the cold, sinister one of the psycho. “When faced with an opponent who’s much larger and stronger than you, always use your surroundings to your advantage.”

Sam looks around frantically for anything to defend herself with to no avail. With no choice but to run, she tries to dodge the psycho but he grabs her from behind in a chokehold, lifting her off the ground as she kicks her feet against his legs, seeming to do little to free her.

As your words come back to her, she remembers Josh’s baseball bat that he had placed in this area from when they came down here to turn the boiler back on.

When the psycho forces a mask on her nose and mouth to gas her, Sam feels around for the bat, the cool wooden handle meeting her hand and she grips it tightly, whacking him upside the head and running away.

Sam approaches the next door only to be met with a roadblock. “Are you kidding me? No handle?” she shrieks in disbelief as she searches the ground for it.

In an attempt to buy herself more time, she pulls the wine storage down and the handle miraculously rolls out of it. She picks it up with haste and opens the door, slamming it just as the psycho reaches it.

As she turns towards the new room she’s in, quickly realizing it’s the laundry room, Sam keeps on going ahead, slamming her shoulder into the old door. She tumbles through the entranceway, the musty smell of this new place indicating that she’s in the old and abandoned Blackwood Pines Hotel.

Knowing that she won’t be able to outrun him for much longer, Sam drops down in an old elevator shaft and ducks down, hiding from the psycho’s view.

“Here, little kitty. Here, pussy pussy.”

Sam can hear his footsteps approaching her hiding place, and she frantically goes to hide the light shining from her flashlight. However, her trembling hands drop the flashlight and she curses at the loud noise.

In an instant, the psycho snatches her by her hair, tugging her head back to force the mask back onto her face.

“Little birdie unhappy in her cage?”

Sam makes hopeless attempts to grab at him as she feels her consciousness fading out, and her last thoughts are only about you and your own safety, all alone in the desolate woods.

1:48

The door was locked.

You were starting to get deja vu.

Your presence in front of yet another locked door leads your thoughts to shift to Sam, slightly bummed out that you definitely weren’t going to be able to join that bath with her. You hoped that she wasn’t too upset about how long it was taking you to return to the lodge.

Mike’s eyes shift towards your pouting face, a quizzical expression plastered on his own. But he knew not to question your peculiar actions by now, and he ignored your antics in search of another way in, walking back the way you two came.

You follow him, keeping your eyes peeled for anything dangerous. This place was incredibly run down, and no doubt was a safety hazard especially with you and him coming along and moving things around.

“This place is falling apart,” Mike comments as some ash crumbles above the two of you. “The fuck happened here?”

“Mining accident,” you respond as you pass him. “Whole lotta shit went down after that.” You kick around some gravel with the toe of your boot.

He raises an eyebrow, turning to you. “And you know that how?”

You roll your eyes. “You asked, bud. I just answered.” You walk back the way you came, looking for another entrance you could go through. A doorway labeled Admin catches your attention, and you nudge Mike as you head towards it. “Let’s try here.”

He follows behind you, holding the lamp out to give better lighting in the dim corridor. The room is barren like you anticipated, dirty books and notes strewn about. You and Mike walk through, finding all sorts of documents from years ago detailing all the shit that went down at Blackwood Mountain. All the same details that you’ve gotten from your parents.

“Shit,” you mutter under your breath, low enough that Mike doesn’t notice your concern. Your parents being right about this meant they were probably right about everything else you were told about Blackwood Mountain. A threat you weren’t sure you could defeat.

“Hey, come look at this.” Mike calls out, and you realize that you didn’t even notice him leaving the room. As you approach, you see he’s pointing out a sign for a morgue.

You crinkle your nose. “Ugh. I bet it stinks in there.”

Mike ignores you as he carries on. You sigh, more prepared now for what you may find. Mike picks up a medical report, and when you peek over his shoulder you see it’s for the mining accident.

“You were right,” he says, sensing your presence above him.

“Course I was,” you respond curtly. Your searching leads to a staircase, way too dark for you to see down. “Come on, Mike, I need your light.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The building gets even mustier as you walk downstairs, a good sign you were getting closer to the morgue. Next to you, Mike opens a door that wasn’t fully closed due to a table blocking it. A machete is lodged into the top of the wood. He pulls it out, brandishing it as you take a step back. “Nice,” he hisses.

“Careful with that thing.” You push the sharp blade away from your face with a finger, noticing the dried blood on it. “Let’s keep going. We need to get back to the lodge.”

Nothing catches your eye in the rest of the dingy rooms except for a single scrap paper—another incident report, listing twelve survivors received at the sanatorium.

You bite your lip, the paper slightly crumbling in your hand as your grip tightens. Twelve was a lot. You silently hoped that there weren’t that many still…around.

You hear Mike faintly from another room, probably talking to himself as he likes to do quite often.

“What are you doing over there?” you exclaim, following his voice.

“Check this thing out.” He points to an odd contraption in the middle of the room. A fake hand moves back and forth mechanically. He goes to grab the tag that’s attached to it, but your mind is on high alert. You snatch his wrist, pulling him back

“What the fuck was that for?” he shouts at you, rubbing his wrist once you let go. “That thing is clearly a trap, doofus.” You throw a random syringe from a nearby cart at it and Mike jumps as a bear trap comes from below, snapping shut furiously.

“...Thanks, for that.” You hear Mike say, though your mind is all scattered now, on high alert of any other dangers that could be around.

He calls out your name softly, bringing your attention back to him. “You good?” he asks.

You give him a halfhearted smile. “Yeah. Just really want to get back to the lodge.”

“Well you don’t have to worry about that for too much longer.” Mike pulls a security card out of his pocket. “This’ll get us in that Chapel.”

You look at him quizzically. “When did you snatch that up?”

“Just before.” He shrugs. “It was with one of the corpses.”

You glance over your shoulder at the body drawers, noticing one slightly ajar. “You went through the bodies? Gross,” you remark. You grab the pass from him and make your way over to the Chapel door. The pass works, and the two of you continue up the stairs until one of the wolves that was with the stranger intercepts you.

It releases a deafening bark, and begins to chase you.

“Oh shit!” Mike calls out, and two of you book it. The wolf is close on your heels, but the two of you are miraculously faster. You're able to shut a door right before he reaches you, Mike in front of you bending over and letting out heaving breaths.

“God damn…” he wheezes out, hands on his hips. You grab the lamp he set down and continue ahead. “How the fuck are you not about the puke your guts out right now?” Mike asks you, perplexed.

You shrug. “Probably the adrenaline.” You turn, seeing that Mike hasn’t moved from his spot. You nod your head towards the way of the Chapel entrance. “Come on, we’ve got shit to do.”

“You’re insane.”

“Thank you.”

Once you reach the original door, you’re happy to see that the security pass worked. “In and out, Mike, got it?” You aren’t able to get a response because the wolf, the same one from just a few minutes ago, jumps out again in front of you.

“Where the fuck do you keep coming from?” you shout, exasperated, as Mike gets into a defensive stance.

“Easy there, bud,” he coaxes gently. The two of you shuffle slowly into the room as the wolf backs down. While Mike tries to approach it again and be friendly, you search the room for any kind of food so that it wouldn’t attack you guys. You find a bone in a chest, throwing it over to Mike and the wolf, with which it happily snatches it, tail wagging furiously.

“There we go,” you smirk. Mike rubs its head affectionately, you mimicking his movement after.

Mike finds a pistol and some ammo among piles of junk that the Chapel holds, causing you to sigh as he pockets yet another weapon that he’ll probably be careless about.

“Wow, leaving me defenseless here. What a gentleman.”

Mike glares at you and reluctantly pulls the machete from where it was resting against his jeans holding it out to you. “I’m sure you can handle this shit on your own, though.”

“Totally. But I’m not letting you keep all of the cool shit.” You grab the machete from him, making sure not to hold it out in front of your face like Mike did earlier.

Nothing else catches your attention as the two of you continue through the sanitorium, going down more flights of stairs until you and Mike reach a standstill with a locked gate in your path.

Mike doesn’t hesitate as he shoots the lock off, just as he’d done with other doors before, knocking a barrel out of the way as he does so as to not hit it.

You think to look at the barrel that he just knocked over, breath hitching as you spot the flammable liquid label as the barrel rolls around. Your eyes widen and you reach your arm out to stop your friend from entering through the gate.

Sparks from the shot hit the ground, and you're now aware of the many, many barrels that surround the two of you.

“Wait, fuck, Mike, no—!” You only manage to utter out a few words before Mike opens the gate, and within seconds you’re thrown back and your vision is encased in black.

Character Traits:

Honest: 5/10 ↓

Charitable: 9/10

Funny: 4/10 ↑

Brave: 10/10 ↑

Romantic: 5/10

Curious: 5/10 ��

Relationship Status:

Ashley: 6/10

Chris: 8/10

Emily: 5/10

Jess: 3/10

Josh: 9/10

Matt: 7/10

Mike: 6/10 ↑

Sam: 10/10

Chapter Four || Chapter Six

#sam giddings x reader #samantha giddings x reader #until dawn x reader #until dawn #sam giddings #samantha giddings #mike monroe #wlw

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wouldntyou-liketoknow · 7 months

Text

Day 1: Impalement

(Disclaimer: the main character of this story, as well as the concept this story is based on, does not belong to me. That honor goes to the amazing @sammys-magical-au, who wrote an intriguing snippet inspired by Lixian’s latest game, Sinking Iron. I highly recommend you take a look at Sammy’s story before reading this one; not only is Sammy just an awesome writer, but it’ll help the plot elements here make more sense.)

(As for the characters that DO belong to me: while I don’t see them as complete fan-egos, I still took inspiration from what Sammy did with the character that Lixian voiced in the game. They named him Lucas, and seeing how similar that name is to Luis—Lixian’s actual name—it shouldn’t be difficult to figure out who the other characters here are based off of.)

(Trigger Warnings: water/the ocean/thalassophobia, pain/suffering, panic, violence, torture, death, drowning, gore, blood, tentacles, scopophobia, feelings of survivor's guilt, nightmares, flashbacks, strong language. Please let me know if I missed anything.)

Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10 Day 11 Day 12 Day 13

Could’a, should’a, would’a. . .

Lucas hadn’t been superstitious enough.

Very ironic, considering the career he’d chosen.

He couldn’t have been blamed for assuming that his crewmates wouldn’t believe him.

There was a chance that he was right, that mentioning what he’d heard would’ve been answered with laughter, or teasing questions about how much time he’d spent in the sun earlier, or creepy anecdotes and short ghost stories being narrated by sarcastic voices.

But. . .there was no way they couldn’t have heard what he’d heard.

Which meant there was also a chance that he would’ve been taken somewhat seriously, that his crewmates would’ve glanced at the dark clouds through the sleeping quarter’s windows, that they all might’ve even attempted to convince Fletcher to briefly start the ship’s engine back up and sail at least a little closer to land.

Would any of those routes have made a difference?

Lucas wasn’t sure—he’d never be sure.

And that was torture.

He should’ve talked about what he’d heard in the rain.

It was impossible for his crewmates to have not heard what he’d heard.

Life at sea required Morse Code, after all.

It didn’t matter how one went about living at sea; whether they were heading off to war on a destroyer, bringing scraps of wreckage up to a salvaging ship, or collecting samples for study on a research vessel like this one. . .Morse Code was important and efficient enough to be the thing that all types of ocean work had in common.

So, Lucas had obviously learned the language during those months of training and studying. It hadn’t been easy, but he’d still managed to become as fluent in it as he was in Portuguese and English.

He still hadn’t really needed to use it. Much time had passed since he’d officially been welcomed into Nori’s crew, and of course it’d been a bit of a bumpy ride, but there just hadn’t been any emergency situations onboard.

That didn’t mean Lucas hadn’t found himself subconsciously using Morse Code. Whenever he heard rhythmic tapping or clicking, whenever he saw flashes of light, a little voice in the back of his head would translate. In those cases, what he gleaned was typically just gibberish, considering the language wasn’t actually being used. He’d occasionally decipher a random, coherent word or two, but that was also just a rare, amusing coincidence.

(Now, Lucas wouldn’t put it past Mars to silently tell Matteo to GO SUCK AN EGG! via drumming his fingernails, but Mars also wasn’t shy about speaking with his whole chest.)

That fateful case had been. . .

Different. Foreboding. Unnatural.

It’d been the very first time Lucas had experienced a storm on the ship. The storm in question hadn’t been strong enough to evolve into a hurricane; even so, oceanic weather was always more violent than weather that occurred on land. He’d watched the sky become dark while the waves grew larger and choppier than usual. He’d felt the wind tugging at his hair as the air got colder and heavier.

Adrenaline had been charging through Lucas’ brain as he and the rest of the crew raced to secure the ship’s more fragile equipment. They’d been halfway through the last-minute routine when the rain started falling; hell, they’d all been half-soaked by the time they were finally able to retire to the bunks.

But as they all laughed and threw towels at one another. . .sooner or later, Lucas found himself focusing on the way the rain had been pounding against one of Nori’s windows.

The instinctual translation had almost been automatic.

Due to the constant noise, the translation was insistent.

And the rain had been telling Lucas to RUN.

The rain had kept repeating that word.

RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN. . .

The fact that he’d eventually managed to drift off, even as the inhuman message kept echoing, had been nothing short of miraculous.

He should’ve told the others about this.

That would’ve at least been some kind of warning.

It could’ve given them all a better chance.

Could’a, should’a, would’a. . .

___

Lucas doesn’t remember leaving his bunk. He doesn’t remember glancing around at his crewmates as they rose from their beds, one by one.

He can just barely hear them somewhere behind him, their muffled voices slithering up from the sleeping quarters and into the air. He should remember the morning routine (it definitely would’ve been hard to miss the usual lighthearted squabbling over who got to use the showers first), but he doesn’t.

Instead, the vast waters surrounding Nori are the first things he sees when he opens his eyes.

Lucas knows that he couldn’t have sleepwalked. Or, sleepwalking couldn’t have been the entire case. If it was, then he certainly wouldn’t have woken up in a standing position. It doesn’t matter that he’s developed his sea-legs by now: sleepwalking while onboard a ship would be embarrassing at best and outright deadly at worst.

No, something else is responsible for this.

Something else has called him out and onto the deck, all without waking him until now.

His instincts insist on that, and he isn’t in the mind to look for logic.

His focus is being consumed by the environment around him.

The air isn’t cold, but he still feels a chill race down his spine, as well as goosebumps prickling all over his arms.

There is no wind, but he still feels some kind of force rushing past him, pushing against him.

Sunlight is obviously trying (and failing) to shine down from above, but the waves are dark; not the deep sapphire hue they usually are, but almost as murky as oil.

In fact, the only reason the water isn’t completely pitch-black is simply because. . .it’s tinged with red.

For the few long, slow minutes that have passed since he awoke, Lucas’ hands have been coiled around the railing in a white-knuckled grip. A twitch runs through his fingers, and as he finally releases his hold, Lucas immediately cranes his neck up toward the sky.

Fog has swallowed up the sky as far as the eye can see. It glows with a grotesque shade of crimson. It resembles the clouds of blood that spill out and spread just below the surface during a feeding-frenzy.

“Rookie?” Calls a familiar voice, set in a Portuguese accent so similar to the one Lucas speaks with. “Wake-up call isn’t for another hour. What’re you doing out so early?”

Lucas startles badly as he turns his head to face Fletcher, who is leaning through the crack in the door to the Captain’s quarters.

For a moment, Lucas’ mouth opens and closes with no words coming out.

And as soon as he’s finally able to stutter, “Captain, we’re in danger. . !”

THRRRUUM-KRAAAUUGH

Nori’s stern is violently shoved out of the water, only to come crashing right back down with an enormous splash. Both Lucas and Fletcher are thrown off-balance, hitting the deck with dull thuds and twin screams. Neither of them have to see what just happened to know that the ship’s engines and propulsion systems are now beyond repair. More shouts of panic echo up from elsewhere, accompanied by a chorus of frantic, stampeding footsteps.

As he and Fletcher pick themselves up, Lucas immediately looks over the railing.

Despite the water’s new darkness, he can see something.

It’s circular, wider than he is tall, surrounded by layers of scarred, fleshy membrane—

An eye.

Lucas is being stared at by a gigantic eye with a shuddering pinprick pupil adorned by an iris the color of blood.

Aforementioned pupil slightly dilates as it stares at him, and Lucas feels his stomach start to churn and roil in response.

This dread isn’t newfound; he’s been feeling it since he woke up. But then, it was only prodding at the back of his mind. Now it’s flooding through each and every one of his veins, coiling around his bones, starting to rip his brain apart from the inside.

Lucas can’t know what the owner of that hideous eye actually is.

And yet, somehow, he’s acutely aware that it wants to kill him.

He staggers back, trying to get as far away from it as possible, but it still manages to keep watching him. The eye is only obscured when a blurry shape erupts from the water in a fountain of white spray.

By some miracle, Lucas is able to duck-and-roll off to the side. The shape slams into the lower half of Nori’s funnel with enough force to make the entire ship quake. Had he moved even a second slower, he would’ve been reduced to a splatter on the main deck.

Lucas crawls further away, trembling violently. As the shape pries itself free from the new chasm it’s just created, he realizes just how sinuous it is, how it’s covered in oily-looking gray flesh, how it comes to an almost whip-thin end.

The tentacle reels back into the water. Lucas can’t stop gaping at it, not even as he hears a chorus of more splashing and hissing from further below and around Nori. He can only tear his own eyes away from it when the screams all around him suddenly become louder, longer, less-human. Like the sounds are transforming into solid matter as they flow through the air.

Lucas is suddenly on his feet again, turning around just in time to watch another huge tentacle materialize by the stern. It coils around the ship’s crane—the same one that’s been used countless times to either haul heavier samples onboard or keep live specimens still long enough to be tagged—and wrenches it out of its platform as though it’s a cheap plastic toy.

Wayne and Brom appear. They both lock horrified eyes with Lucas and begin sprinting toward him.

It’s almost like a magic trick: the two of them disappear as the tentacle hurls the dismantled crane on top of them, leaving it halfway lodged through that section of the main deck. Brom’s howls of pain are abruptly cut off, but Wayne’s screaming, albeit now slower and longer, doesn’t stop. In fact, it’s still loud enough that Lucas doesn’t even realize how he’s finally started shrieking until weight comes down on one of his shoulders.

Now Mars is beside him, with Matteo right on his heels. Tears are already pouring from both of their eyes, but neither of them collapse or even become sluggish. Rather, they corral Lucas to keep moving with them, trying to push him in front of them before the pilothouse’s door.

Despite their shouts blurring as soon as they reach Lucas’ ears, he still knows what they’re saying. They’re begging him to take cover, to get somewhere further inside the ship, to try and hide so he won’t be targeted next.

And Lucas obviously wants to comply with those orders. He’s halfway inside the pilothouse when he turns, wanting to grab Mars and Matteo’s arms in order to pull them closer, to ensure that they have shelter alongside him.

He doesn’t even get a chance.

Two more tentacles stretch over the side of the ship: one twists around Matteo’s waist while the other snags Mars by one of his legs. They both writhe as they’re lifted into the air.

Matteo manages to grab hold of the upper railing, wrapping his arms around it like some kind of tree-dwelling animal on a branch. Even as he shrieks, Matteo still aggressively shakes his head, kicking at his organic bindings. The tentacle tries to tug him off. . .and, miraculously, it fails. Lucas leaps up, trying to snatch one of Matteo’s hands, wanting to pull him back down onto the deck.

Matteo sees this, and instinctively reaches out to Lucas.

But that seems to give the tentacle the leeway it needs, as it wrenches Matteo away from the railing just as his fingers brush Lucas’. Then, as if its owner appreciates cruel irony, the tentacle hauls back and bludgeons Matteo against the pilothouse’s outer wall. Not with enough force to drive him though it—just enough to make his body crumple with a chorus of sickening snaps and pops and crunches. Matteo’s eyes bulge from their now bleeding sockets as he goes limp, staring at nothing at all while the tentacle drags him over the side of the ship.

Lucas cries out as he watches Matteo vanish. And he keeps screaming, seemingly not needing to pause for breath, as the tentacle holding Mars forcibly takes his attention.

For a brief, horrible second, Lucas is sure that the monster is going to give Mars the same treatment as Matteo.

That’s not the case.

Mars is manhandled away from Nori, being dangled over the waves. The tentacle ever-so-slightly dips closer to the water, but it doesn’t pull him down. Instead, it lunges upward in one swift, fluid movement, catapulting Mars so high that for a brief second or two, Lucas can’t even see him anymore. Of course, that doesn’t stop Mars from careening back down, hitting the ocean with a deafening CRACK.

Mars automatically floats up to the surface. Lucas can see that he’s still alive, that he’s trying to swim. But he can also see the awful twitches that are now wracking Mars’ body, that the pain he’s feeling is almost paralyzing. And he can see the tentacle ensnare Mars again, hoist him up again, toss him into the air again. . .

When Mars lands and resurfaces for a second time, even with the distance, Lucas can still see blood streaming along his skin. That blood smears on the tip of the tentacle as it sends him flying. . .over. . .and over. . .and over. . .and over. . .

It reminds Lucas of the few days he’d spent studying orcas. Primarily the tactic orcas used when hunting seals, to ensure that the blubbery skin would be rendered loose enough to give better access to the seal’s internal organs.

Yet another tentacle jettisons out of the water, aiming for Lucas once again.

And once again, Lucas is able to sprint away from it by the skin of his teeth.

He runs to the other side of the pilothouse to collide with Evan, who immediately takes hold of Lucas’ wrist. Just like the others, he’s trying to help Lucas hide, to lead him to some other area of the ship where they might be better protected.

To his never-ending credit, as a tentacle appears to coil around his neck, Evan is somehow still logical enough to release Lucas and shove him back. He screws his eyes shut as he’s lifted off of the ship. Four more tentacles emerge from the water beneath him: two snake along his arms, and two give his legs the same treatment.

Then, they each start tugging this way and that, all moving in unison, gradually pulling harder and harder and harder. . .until. . .

Lucas ducks his head and resumes running in the nick of time. He can barely hear himself wailing over the sound of Evan’s skin being torn, of Evan’s bones breaking away from their sockets, of Evan’s intestines spilling out.

Brom is dead, Wayne is dead, Matteo is dead, Mars is dead, Evan is dead.

The entire crew is dead.

The entire crew has been tortured in various horrific ways.

Lucas watched the crew die.

Lucas is going to die; he’s going to be maimed and mauled in a manner that will somehow be even more gruesome than what he’s already watched.

This is all Lucas’ fault.

If he’d actually thought to raise the alarm when he’d woken up. . .if he’d taken control of Nori himself and tried steering her away from the eye. . .then his crewmates—his friends—might still be alive.

Lucas is halfway across Nori’s bow when he finally discovers Fletcher again. It’s all Lucas can do to keep from collapsing at his Captain’s feet.

Fletcher reaches toward Lucas, the fear in his eyes struggling against his instincts as a leader. Lucas flinches away, shaking his head as he sobs and screams and tries to explain everything as though Fletcher might have an answer.

His head is swimming: The Captain can’t be near me—everyone who’s come close to me has been killed! How is the Captain still alive? Where has he been all this time? The Captain might know something about the monster! Maybe he knows why it’s attacking us!

Lucas can’t even register the sound of splashing, or the shadow that is growing longer and darker behind him.

But even if he could, it wouldn’t have mattered.

Time seems to slow down as Fletcher surges forward and pushes Lucas down onto the deck.

A yelp dashes Lucas’ cries, but it’s short-lived. For the first time this morning, Lucas goes completely silent as he listens to the sound of his Captain’s agonized shriek.

Lucas feels his heart actively stop as he looks up at Fletcher, at the bloodsoaked tip of the tentacle now protruding through his chest.

That could’ve been Lucas. It should’ve been Lucas.

But it seems Fletcher hadn’t wanted to allow that.

Lucas can’t scream anymore. There’s barely any air left in his lungs.

Even as he watches Fletcher’s expression turn blank, watches Fletcher’s eyes drift shut, watches Fletcher being carried off into the water. . .Lucas can’t scream.

Lucas wants to scream.

Lucas NEEDS to scream.

But he can’t.

___

A wave of vertigo came crashing down on Lucas’ skull as he nearly threw himself out of his bed. His breathing was desperate, raspy. The sensation of cold sweat on his skin had never felt so awful. The scar that ran along his left cheek almost felt like it was burning.

Lucas’ movement elicited a small chirp from the foot of his bed, where a bundle of white-and-gray fur rolled over to face him, bright blue eyes drilling into his dark brown ones.

At first, Crumbs seemed aggravated at being woken up. But it took no time at all for him to seemingly register the distraught on his owner’s face. After a second of sprawling, the cat got to his paws and practically pounced into Lucas’ lap.

Lucas hunched over as he wrapped his arms around his pet. Crumbs sat up on his haunches to rub his head against Lucas’ jaw, not seeming to care how tears were actively cascading onto his little face.

Even as Crumbs’ purring reverberated through his chest, slowly but surely easing the tension, Lucas still had to bite his tongue hard enough to draw blood. It wouldn’t do for his apprentice to be drawn to his quarters and see him like this, let alone be woken up at this horrible hour.

There would be no more sleep tonight.

@sammys-magical-au @mostlyghostly42

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myrfing · 2 years

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not very established/final but closing thoughts about endwalker and ffxiv in general. immense msq spoilers ahead of courase

ok there were a lot of things I didn't care about and then a lot of things I cared immensely about and so in my first walk catharsis addled brain I will elect to mostly weigh the things I care about and uh those things were. incredible. there were moments while playing where I thought "this is great but maybe not my favorite overall" (which I was okay with, I never worried about whether or not EW would "measure up" or anything) and then that finale swept me up and hit me in the guts multiple times zenos style so what can I say.

My absolute favorite things:

1. Getting to meet Venat/Hydaelyn eye to eye and thank her and tell her YES it was all worth it and that the world is beautiful. and how it is emphasized she has always walked with you. is my god lady creepy and/or wet. I CANNOT SAY HOW MUCH EVERTHING ABOUT HER MEANS TO ME and I'm going to miss her so much. also she's just fucking cool

2. THE FINAL AREA especially getting to know the dragons/omega deal up close. and this whole area's theme of emptiness and suffocating sorrow but even in each of these ghosts you could feel a faint glimmer of the things that made them beings that could be hurt in the first place because of how human they were. their curiosity or love or fear or doubt. also it really sunk it in how you really cannot save everyone and everything and yet you still have to just acknowledge all these things that are totally lost and keep going. but also just by having witnessed them even in their final and most despairing hours you kind of carry them with you for every happiness that you find then onward. by the way I thought the OTHER COSMOS i.e. omega's origins were not going to be touched upon in this expac and thought they would save it for whatever comes next so imagine my fucking surprise. also can I say the music building up from a disorienting ambiance and then there's a wind to carry the song and then everyone else and it turns into one of the best themes in the game I CANNOTTTTTTT STRESS how deeply I marveled when I realized what was happening

3. Getting to explore and meet new characters HAHAHEA. Thavnair is absolutely beautiful and getting to finally...LIKE. SEEING HOW MUCH LOVE WAS PUT INTO ELABORATING ON HOW PEOPLE LIVED AND WHAT THEY DID DAY TO DAY AND WHAT MATTERED TO THEM even garlemald who I feel...no less general dislike towards I absolutely ate that shit up. i just wanted to know everything about this world they made. AND WITH EACH EXPAC I AM SATED I will say I think the Sharlayan portions are some of the weakest in the expac but even then there were a lot of things I loved about it as well and I'm very glad we finally get to know where so many of our beloved characters are from. The environment designers outdid themselves again also; there were multiple moments where I just stopped to behold...the skybox the dirt on the ground the rise of ridges and EVERYTHINGGG

4. i habe to mention the wol treats. seeing your wol do stuff. now when does that ever get old. re: Gourd specifically like I wanted he's the most human he's ever been and getting to see him make certain choices or be happy or elect to be close to others and also be angry and sad and to offer his heart and to have people offer this back and wish for his happiness I DID NOT THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE TO LOVE THE WOL MORE

5. A lot of the ways I interpreted things were validated LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO YES I ENJOY THE VINDICATION. I'm happy hermes existed. & yes he was a megavegan overthinker destroyer of worlds but the fact that there were imperfections and that the ancients were really just....exactly human but lifted by their magic capability and resulting sense of duty and purpose. I'm happy that even back then someone said "who are we to judge if other people are worthy of existence" and—EVEN though it is unmistakably a devastating and tragic end—brought the whole thing crumbling down. I'm glad that emet-selch made it clear if it were his choice he would never have given up and that he would always have that fierce narrowminded devotion to his people but that he could not reconcile it with the way he connected to mortals still especially in his ever growing loneliness and guilt and longing. im happy hythlodaeus humored me and remembered me and was such an openhearted friend & well we will find out more about baby elidibus but *pointing* he looks like how I .

There were again a lot of moments where I felt disconnected to the values or narrative presented because of Who I Am & What I Think aka my little opinions but even then I think it was worth seeing. i do not believe in sacrifice and suffering as heavily as the writers do, I don't believe that your pain always means you should come out stronger nor do I imply that people are weak or unworthy for not being so, and I'm too like shit-hearted to be wholly on board for the themes of complete absolution and acceptance and whatnot that they wanted to get across here. a lot of the garlemald and even to some extent the idyllic elpis portions predictably (if you've listened at all to my rambling on twitter in the past 2 years LMFAO) annoyed me the exact way you & I would think they would. everyone knows I don't care about zenos, and I hate the special attention afforded to hades in the sense that I would have been much happier if he was treated as just another person you'd naturally remember on your journey in all the good and bad and not as someone so important to my wol. and these dudes took up a LOT of runtime.

...but also I was kind of at peace with that? And it did help that I do let up/consider it out of place to sit too heavily on my judgements when something is...already dead, the way garlemald kind of is, the way the ancients are, the way all those old civilizations are. So I was still enjoying myself even in those moments. the way I think about certain things will always be different from the xiv writers in particular but there are still points where what they mean not only gets across to me vividly and clearly but I can also acknowledge they wrote it trying to struggle to come to an answer themselves. & I'm glad so many people so wholeheartedly love this game and that we read this story and become invested in it and hope for it openly and appreciate it without undue reservation because I don't think it would be possible for anyone to write a story like this if they did not know it would be received thus.

errr yeag. I've said this about very few works but I genuinely think xiv is a masterpiece. maybe with far more polish towards the end but the entirety of it has been an honor to know and I would not cut a single fucking potion out you know me I've loved it since I was dying to shitty little tube rats in la noscea with ruin and because of my utter fascination with the universe...like just for having loved this game I feel rewarded. so thank you 2 CREATIVE BUSINESS UNIT III LMFAOOO I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE STILL RUNNING WITH THIS NAME LEGENDS ONLY

#6.0 spoilers #ffxiv #oh yeah. yes I do think it is my favorite expac now #though it's early to say lol but I was always predisposed to the. uh vibes

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darkqueen74 · 3 years

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-Brie-

Mithos, Thinius, and Orpheus had wanted her to stay down on the floor and rest a bit longer, but when she’d heard the confrontation going on between Dez and Leandre, she hadn’t been able to stay still. Dez didn’t know what he was threatening. Brie was one of the few that did know what threatening to put Leandre in a cell would be like for him. Her own heart clenched at hearing the threat from Dez, even though she knew why Dez was saying it and if she did not know Lee’s history she might have done the same. But she did know, which meant that she also knew how her friend and guard would react. Brushing off the concern of the three of her guards that were trying to complete the healing, she had gotten to her feet and gone over to where the two males were having their confrontation. She had just laid her hand on Leandre’s arm to get his attention and hopefully get him to calm down and then get Dez to calm down when they were suddenly in a different location.

It took Brie a moment to get her bearings. Her head was still spinning from the healing and her vision was slightly fuzzy. There was a scent of stale air and damp limestone that was her first clue, then something about the very vibration of the soul of the place that instantly took her back to the last time she had been there. As soon as she realized where they were, she released Lee and started backing up, barely able to breathe. Dez had taken them to his prison world, the one where he’d almost killed her. She remembered him almost choking her, the anger in his face, the hatred, the rage, and suddenly she couldn’t pull herself out of the memory.

In her mind it was not just a memory, but she was pulled back to that time. She could feel the aura of his rage, his fingers pressing into her skin, and the burning of her lungs from having their oxygen cut off. As she was backing up, her fingers went up to lightly run over the skin of her neck; skin that had been bruised deeply back then. Her eyes were gazing off into the distance, fixed and glazed. She was not seeing the two men who were there with her now, but what had happened the night of the Horsemen’s Ball.

-Leandre-

It was not the pressure of Brie’s hand on his arm that got Leandre’s attention, it was when she removed it and the soft gasp that followed. When he turned to make sure that Mithos, Thinius, and Orpheus had finished the healing, he froze. Brie’s color seemed to have drained and she appeared to be in a panic and backing away from him as if in fear. He had never seen her in such a state, and wasn’t sure what he’d done to cause it. Even on the battlefield when they were outnumbered or surprised, she faced it bravely. Then he realized that it wasn't him, that something in her mind had her gripped. He’d been there himself and he wouldn’t let her face those demons of whatever her memories held alone. It was then he too noticed that they were no longer in Imperium, though he was not sure where the Grigori had brought them.

Dez was unceremoniously thrown to the ground as Lee hurried over to Brie in long and purposeful steps, and he pulled her against his broad and muscled chest. Strong arms banded around her to keep her from once more pulling back. Whatever horrors of the past that her mind was no replaying, he would shield her the best that he could. “You are safe, amica mea (my love).” Lee’s voice had gone from aggressive to comforting. He did not know where Dez had brought them, but he knew that wherever it was, Brie was terrified of it. What in the nine realms of Hell had the Grigori done? Why would he take them to somewhere that would terrify the Queen, a woman who faced down Lucifer himself and even brought Abbadon to heel? He had never seen her terrified of anything, and was not happy he was now.

One of his hands cradled the back of her head to keep her face against his chest, the other arm was gently yet firmly encircling her waist to hold her against him. Comforting was not something he was naturally good at. He’d tried when he and Talia had been...entangled...and had always failed. It was something that in the end Talia had thrown at him. How she had always felt so alone in her darkest hours when she needed him the most. Even with that history, for some reason it did come naturally to him now. It bespoke the depth of his caring and their friendship. A gentle kiss was placed on the top of her head to help reassure her that she was safe from whatever ghosts that this place held. Lee could feel her arms around him and the slight tremble she had. He knew what it was to be broken in places and to be taken back to the place that broke you, and it was because of that he held her a little bit tighter, resolute that he would find a way to get them out of this place and then introduce that fucking Grigori to levels of Caligo that he hadn’t imagined yet.

-Dez-

Oh Fuck! Was there anything else that could go wrong? No, he didn’t really want to know the answer to that. The universe was royally fucking him over at the moment, he didn’t want to give it any more opportunities to than he had to. Being stuck in a realm with a pissed off Demonic Nephilim was one thing; that he had anticipated and planned on. Accidentally bringing Brie back here was not in those plans, and now that Nephilim was more pissed and if he survived the two of them, it would be a miracle of the Source.

“You won’t be able to teleport out of here. It’s why I brought you here. Her,” Dez inclined his head towards Brie, “was not part of the plan. I’m going to have to come over there and be actually touching you to teleport the three of us out. Trust me, we need to do that fast, because the creepy fucker can teleport in and it took two months last time for my jaw to heal. Finding his sister again here and crying, even though you can at least tell him that I didn’t touch her this time, well, my ass would probably be broken in places I don’t know I had. Last time was painful enough after dealing with him and that asshole Destroyer.” Dez was approaching the two of them like they were a wounded lion that could rip him to shreds at any moment. With all the power that Brie possessed and the warrior currently comforting her, that was a pretty good analogy in Dez’s mind.

When he stopped a few feet in front of Leandre, Dez’s eyes met his and held them for a minute. “But this isn’t over; and you and I,” he gestured to Leandre, “need to talk, bro. So we’re not going back to Imperium, but we are going to get the babe out of here so she can calm down. Bad memories here.” Dez nodded then kept approaching cautiously, arms out to his sides to show that he was no threat. He would see Brie trembling from several feet away and Leandre’s eyes had turned an icy blue that the Grigori was sure meant nothing good.

@gregoriusimmortuos

@darkknightl

@74hybridangel

#LifeInImperium #OneHugeMistake #NotInImperiumAnymore #Oops #AngerManagement #Dez #Leandre #Brie

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jeeperso · 3 years

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D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft Edition, Dementlieu Arc, part 8

OOC: Gorbash line of thought: "This fucker isn't wearing yellow, I CAN TAKE HIS ASS!" OOC: Now, how much MST refs can we cram into this session... “You worship the hell lord of small dick energy, your opinion is meaningless.” "St. Joel, watch over these viewers, that they may keep their sanity with us as their friends." "We've got you, Movie Sign of Evil!" "All this world's a stage... and we are merely slayers." "Blood for the hanged king. Blood for the hanged king. Deep hurting. DEEEP HURTING." "Sorry, my blood is too rich for his taste. All those sweets I eat." You see Gorbash go slack for a minute, then you hear him begin to mutter something, as he turns around, his eyes red with madness. "Blood for the hanged king." Irost: "I know this is bad for us... but for a play? This is kind of an interesting twist." Jonni: “Shut up, New Eddie.” OOC: WHY DO I KEEP GETTING 8'S? "GAH! Like fingernails on a chalkboard... In my brain!" Your minds are assaulted by visions of sandstorms, rock climbing, long driving scenes. COLEMAN FRANCIS. "No springs!" Marshal cries out with a maniacal titter. OOC: Or you can just wait while Marshal tanks it like a true pimp. "I AM THE HANGED KING. AND YOU WILL OBEY." “Yeah? I’m Jonni Humantorch and I’m sexier, badder and harder than you. Fuck off, ghost.” Marshal: "Each man is a god! Each man is FREE!" Irost: "That's right! You tell that bag man!" Hanged king earns a dollar, you earn a dime, so you counterspell on company time. Jonni smiles. “Not today, raggedy Satan!” "Who needs to be favored by the Gods when you're favored by Jonni?" "And now I'm back normal speed, that was close, almost ruined my sugar rush." So, Marshal's whaling away like a temp with golf clubs. GM OOC: You are restrained, you can't speak, and you are suffocating. OOC: Warforged, not suffocating. GM OOC: Right. So its mainly just mildly inconvenient. GM: The Hanged King tilts his head, he was clearly expecting you to be dying. Irost: "How is he supposed to quote really awesome funny gibberish when he's being a boss!" Gorbash: "What's the matter, not so tough without your corpse collection?" OOC: Marshall is a brick shit house of metal on metal. OOC: My Bromance will protect me. OOC2: Your bromance is gonna flatten you. You see Emil standing beside the projector, "This is for my face you blue raspberry flavored son of a hoor [sic]." Marshal: "I cast gun!" As we clear out, Marshal reaches back inside to save Gorbash's NIZE HAT. "EVERYBODY OUT OF THE BURNING UNIVERSE!" "Moving pictures will never take off, take my word for it." Jonni Eldritch blasts the shit out of it. GM: It remains unharmed. Jonni Eldritch shits the blast out of it. [sic] Marshal joins her, casting a ritual in the name of M'y'kNelson, Destroyer of Worlds. GM: Fortunato's follies is a comedy of errors about a clown, the titular Fortunato, who follows around a girl he loves trying to ask for her hand in marriage, but continually getting blocked by increasingly zany and implausible happenstance. It's basically an hour and a half of a looney tunes cartoon. OOC: It makes you weep, it makes you laugh, it makes you reflect on the humanity of the world! "I keep forgetting how creepy it is when we're capable of grinning." Jonni’s eyes never leave him, nor does her “I’m gonna spit roast you with Evard’s black tentacles” smirk. Nyx: "Calix, I see that smirk. Please stop it. You are irritating Jonni, I'm one of the people who has to deal with her when she is irritated. I'm a trained alchemist, rogue, and tinker, I know multiple ways to leave you disabled, unable to talk, but still alive as Warforged are. So I say again, please stop it." Jonni: “And she’s the nice one.” GM: Plus you only got a bit buzzed so you could go watch Fortunato's follies. Which was a big hit: Irost killed it. Irost: The stage dynamite was the key. Gorbash: "Okay we have enough invites to get us into this Ball. Time to plan what we do once we're in." Irost: "Hobnob and rub elbows with the fanciest people in the realm--" Jonni: "Arson." GM: "We know that. We need a key to get to the box, and we know the duchess has the key. So we need to get Calix and the key." Jonni: “I have a plan.” GM: "Is the plan arson?" Jonni: “Vesh and I get the key from the duchess under cover of threesome and the rest of you hold Calix down while Nyx takes off his arms and legs.” Marshal: "No silverface." "We're like... a Matryoshka Doll of distractions." "No offense, you don't strike me as the stealthy type." Marshal: "No, but I am the distraction who has manners." “Fair point.”

Jonni: “Wasn’t Gonna hurt anyone. Just need a wand of grease.” OOC: I DON'T CARE IF JONNI COME CRAWLING IN YOUR WINDOW STARK NAKED WITH A BIG OL' KNIFE! DON'T YOU GIVE NO MATCHES TO JONNI!!! OOC: No one ever goes with Operation: Nekkid Slip and Slide. OOC: And then... then he frost-blocked me! OOC: Rule of thumb: Don't shit talk the eldritch horror to his face. That tends to piss them off.

#dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #quotes without context #ravenloft #mst3k #scp 701

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sonicasura · 3 years

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Balan Wonderworld Review: Favorite Costumes Part 2

Before we get started, I like to say something. I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE TIM TRAPS. If you don't know, there is a specific plant that tends to appear in certain levels called Tim Traps. A carnivorous orange flower that's favorite meal is TIMS. If you kick the plants, you can free your Trapped Tim or prevent one from getting trapped for a short period of time. Problem is if the Tim is trapped for too long, your baby is gone for good. Chapter 3 and Chapter 5's Act 3 are loaded with these annoying plants. To the point if I can't find the trapped Tims, I exit out of the game just to save my poor fluffballs. Ain't sacrificing my little birds for Drops and Trophies! Mini rant over.

Rules are the same as before. I'd be ranking both a Common Costume and Rare Costume. Common Costumes are easily to find whether it be in multiple levels and Rare Costumes are those that rarely appear or are difficult to get.

I'll be doing my favorite Secret Costume after playing all Act 3s for each chapter. Now let's begin.

Chapter 7

Common Costume- Floaty Flower

The Flower Fairy and greatest glider found in the main story. Floaty Flower is a costume that can be found in the Act 1, 2 and the Boss Act, it offers a slower descent but faster movement than the hover for Soaring Sheep.

I love this costume not for its aesthetic but a cute Easter Egg I found in Chapter 7 Act 1. On rare occasions, this costume is an NPC that actually flirts with you! Some NPCs in certain chapters act differently from their standard counterpart. They often try to disguise themselves or runaway. Catching them grants you a free costume of the one you caught.

Floaty Flower will appear and follow you, similar to a shy school girl with a crush. If you go to her, she will run which is a similar action to any shy person getting approached by their crush. Also... I think there is some lore hidden in this one that might be quite sad if it's directly linked to Cal, the human whose heart created this particular world. If so then... OOF.

Rare Costume - Paladin Puncher

A knight fights with his fists than a sword. This costume can be found in Act 2 and is a stronger version of the Pumpkin Puncher that can break iron or ice blocks. He's a bit slower than his Chapter 6 counterpart but perfect breaking the more blocks and defeating spiky enemies.

I also love the fact this costume goes against the traditional tools of a knight. Knights often fight using swords, shields, lances and rare occasions bows or axes. If you give me one who PUNCHES or straight uses martial arts to fight then you got my vote in seconds.

Chapter 8

Common Costume - Snow Fairy

Elegant dancer of ice and snow. The Snow Fairy costume allows the wearer to walk on air for a short period of time and can in found in Act 1 and Act 2. This costume does have a shorter usage time than Air Cat but makes up for it with the added elevation.

I absolutely adore how elegant and beautiful this particular costume is. You can compare the Snow Fairy to myths often related to fae or hidden in the freezing mountains. An otherworldly beauty that makes any hardship worth seeing just a being before your eyes. Being a reindeer type Faun just adds to the mystique and creating snowflakes to walk on is a perfect extra touch.

Rare Costume - Amadeus

Sophisticated pianist. A costume that can only be found in Act 1 and is a performing costume. Now I am a big fan of piano covers, whether it be covers of game osts or actual songs, there is rarely any piano music I don't like.

I love the fact he's wearing piano keys as a collar and even has a tutu made out of those very keys. A very creative take to a normally grounded instrument. And the big white wig is a nice touch since it's often portrayed with pianists in various media.

Chapter 9

Common Costume- Iron Panda

Adorable crusher. Iron Panda is a costume found in Act 1 and Act 2 with the ability to break iron blocks using both its jump and weight. This costume is surprisingly fast for a rather large and heavy form, perfect for fast stomps on enemies or quick getaways if you have rare costumes you don't want to lose.

This costume reminds of a rolling Russian Doll with a panda theme. Very adorable, the bluish purple color suits the white very nicely and I love that sleepy look on its face. The large blue dots on its sides are actually the arms too, they mimic panels! Only thing that unnerves me is when the costume turns their head by a 90 degree angle. Super creepy when using it.

Rare Costume- Merry Ghost

Cute and Spooky! The Merry Ghost is a costume that can be found in Act 2 and gives the ability to constantly float. It's main purpose is to avoid ground hazards like poison swamps and has a larger slightly floaty jump. The only downside is that you can't harm enemies with this, it's only for quick mobility.

Very adorable especially with the stitched rag cloak covering the body. It has this Mimikyu sort of vibe but also a Casper the Friendly Ghost aura too. Friendly spirits are often tossed aside for more vicious or antagonistic ones in a lot of media. Getting an adorable friendly one just adds points in my book and a good pal for Casper.

Chapter 10

Common Costume - Inky Blaster

Yuji Naka's take on a squid kid. This costume can be found in Act 1, Act 2 and the Boss Act. She allows the wearer to throw fast globs of rainbow paint at opponents or targets and is decently agile.

Love that her hands are paintbrushes and is based on the octopus. Tentacles mimicking the frills of a dress and used for hair and feet? A very creative take and splattering rainbow paint on the annoying types of Negati (looking at you ya divebomb happy Pelican and destroyer of most of my good costumes) is very therapeutic.

Rare Costume- Air Unicorn

The first unicorn I like?! This costume can only be found in Act 1 and allows the user to walk on air farther than Air Cat. The practical godfather of mobility, and recovery. You won't believe how many times this costume has gotten me to very difficult areas and saved me from death via falling into the abyss.

It is a very tricky costume to find but if you turn around, there's a large paintbrush on the wall. You need the Double Jumper to get on top but you'll be able to see a hidden mirror. That is where the Air Unicorn is located.

I won't lie that unicorns are not my preferred mythological creature. I live in America where unicorns tend to be oversaturated to oblivion and don't get me started on My Little Pony. The show isn't my cup of tea but I do have some followers and friends who are fans. People have their own opinions and it's rude to question them about it.

I honestly love the elegant but cute design, the purple, pale pink and cyan just fit well with the white, I also love that the mane mimics a paintbrush tip and the large light purple collar of fur is a perfect touch to this fine design.

Chapter 11

Common Costume - Bulldozer

A man's punny best friend! This costume can be in Act 1, Act 2 (?), and the Boss Act. It lets you push special construction blocks and you can boost the push speed by button mashing.

They definitely took a lot of creative for costumes in Chapter 11 amongst the other ones in my opinion. Fire Stations tend to have some animal companions with dogs being the most common but instead of a Dalmatian for the design they used a Bulldog! 😍

Like the aforementioned machine, this good boy is bulky, has the appropriate color scheme and even the hands turn into bulldozer's shovel when using the ability! I love the fact his tail is wagging when you push a block and it wags faster if ya button mash!

Also the name is a pun!

Rare Costume - Fiery Blaster

Pyromancer of Lions. The Fiery Blaster costume can only be found in Act 2. It gives the wearer that ability to throw large fireballs alongside fire and lava immunity. If you hate lava levels or have difficulty with this Chapter's boss then I recommend getting this Costume.

First thing I like to say about this particular design is how they use the colors. Looking at the mane, you can see how the red and darker red are patterned in a way to mimic flames. The dark red fur on the feet are even in fire like a pattern. The outfit such as the yellow and brownish kilt alongside the gloves spewing fire around the wrists just reminds me of a fire dancer.

I can see this fella wielding one of the torches a fire dancer uses and just put on a spectacular show.

Chapter 12

Another loveable version of a beloved icon. The Invisible Man costume can be found in Act 1, Act 2 and the Boss Act. It has the power to turn the wearer invisible for a period of time and become undetected to enemies that aren't bosses.

Agile and perfect to deal with enemies who are very annoying or are difficult snipers. You don't know how satisfying it is to give the more aggravating Negati an invisible middle finger by sneak attacking them. I have lost many costumes whenever enemies got the drop on me so it's fair to dish out payback.

I love how this design takes aspect from the popular icon but also have it relate to their human counterpart. Bandages were used by the original Invisible Man to cover skin his normal clothing couldn't cover in public and made it easier for him to disappear when needed.

The shoes and arms being covered in bandages and some of the bandages being used as bangs for the hair is a nice touch.

Rare Costume - Jolt Tiger

Immovable Taser. This costume can only be found in Act 2. It grants electricity immunity and create a barrier when you stand still. One of the better costumes for baiting particular enemies. You do have to be careful because a single itch will stop the barrier.

If you don't know, the Tiger is my Chinese Zodiac and electricity is one of my favorite elements. Love the yellow lightning bolt flairs and even the black stripes mimic lightning too! I also like the will o' wisp pattern on the stomach and the large tuft of grayish fur around the chest. The design puts it above the Sun Walker.

And that is it! The next thing I will cover is the level design and it's music. The bosses will be done last since it's good to save the best for last!

Until next time folks, see you back in Wonderworld.

#balan company #balan wonderworld #fuck square enix #balan company's innocent #sonicasura #mun sonicasura #game review #my personal opinion #fucksquareenix #balan wonderland #balan wonderworld costumes #favorite costumes #personal favorites

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sherbetgreeceuh · 3 years

Photo

These were some mlp next gen designs. They were more of a what if kind of thing. I didn’t actually ship any of these characters, I mainly just wanted to design some next gen characters, some of them were paired together purely for the aesthetic purpose. There’s two different ones for Fluttershy just cause I wanted to design some for her and Discord and the other one I just some nurse pony that I liked the color scheme of. So all of these can be considered AUs separate from each other. The orange one is Starlight and Sunburst’s daughter. And the last two were Rainbow Dash and Soren that I did way before all the other ones.

I’ll just add the description of them from my Deviantart

1: I decided to pair Twilight with Star Tracker for this because I think their color schemes looks nice together. The oldest is an alicorn but he has trouble learning and controlling his magic. He is quiet and is stressed out a lot. He feels like he has a lot to live up to because of who his mom is. He is worried he will disappoint everyone. He is smart but doesn't like to learn and study. He doesn't like to be in crowds, and is a bit shy. His cutie mark is a moon and stars. The youngest loves to read and study science, her eyesight is bad because she spends so much time reading. She loves books as much as her mom. She wants to be a great hero like her mom, and is a bit jealous of her brother because he's an alicorn and she's not. Her magic is not as powerful as an alicorn but is a bit stronger than a regular unicorn. She has a secret love of comic books, and wants to be a superhero. Her cutie mark is a sun.

2: I paired Rarity with the spa pony guy for this just because I like his design. And Rarity does go to the spa a lot, so I can say that's where she met him. I don't really care too much about shipping. I just really wanted to design some next gen kids, I will probably do some for the other main six too. I'm going to be pairing them based on what colors look good together not by who I ship them with. So this isn't about shipping, I just like to design ponies. I won't be pairing any of the main six together or put them with other mares because it wouldn't be possible for them to have kids. I know some people design kids for mare couples anyways, but I'm just going to pair them with a stallion instead. So, yeah, this is just for fun, don't take who I pair them with too seriously. I also didn't pair her with Spike for this, because it just seems wrong. I really don't like the ship at all because I'm pretty sure Rarity is an adult and Spike is a child. He is referred to as a baby dragon. I don't have names for the kids, I'm terrible at naming. The youngest has a grumpy personality. She spent way to much time around Opalescence growing up and the cat's personality rubbed off on her a bit. She is sarcastic and likes to think she's smart. She doesn't have many friends because she is not very pleasant to be around. But she will eventually make some friends and her personality will change for the better because of them. The oldest is very dramatic and kinda smug. He likes to be the center of attention. He likes acting and has stared in many plays. He acts confident but is actually a bit insecure. He likes to star in plays that will entertain other ponies and make them happy. His cutie mark is a shining gemstone.

3: I decided to Rainbow Dash with Thunderlane for this because I thought a rainbow mane with a black coat would look cool. The oldest has a pretty chill personality. She loves to fly through clouds and watch sunsets. She's cheerful and loves to have fun. Her cutie mark is a heart shaped cloud. The other two are twins. The girl with the blue coat is older by a bit. I gave her the color scheme of Rainbow Dash Destroyer of Pies, because I thought it would be funny and it looks cool. Her cutie mark is a flying cloud and rainbow lightning bolt. She has sort of an extreme personality, she likes to go fast and is a bit of a dare devil. She wants to be as cool as her mom. She wants to be able to do a sonic rainboom but is frustrated because she hasn't been able to. The youngest acts a lot like his twin sister, and most ponies think they have the same personality, but he mostly just tries to be like her because he looks up to her and she is his best friend. He likes to spend time relaxing and reading. He enjoys racing for fun but doesn't really care if he wins or not. His cutie mark is a rainbow tornado. The twins find out later that they can make a sonic rainboom if they fly fast together.

4: Next gen Pinkie Pie kids I designed for fun. I decided to pair her with Party Favor for this just because they look nice together. For the kids I wanted to be reverse of Pinkie's family, with three kids more like Pinkie and one like her sisters. I don't have names for any of them. The youngest likes to fix hair, she did Pinkie's hair for this pic. She is kind of a creepy kid. Often appears out of nowhere. She doesn't say much, but when she does it's always something weird. Her coat color is similar to Pinkie's mother's. The second youngest has a kazoo cutie mark. He likes to sing, dance, pretend, and KAZOO! His personality is basically that kazoo kid, www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRpdIr… He eventually starts a Kazoo cult. The purple one has a gloomy personality, she takes after Pinkie Pie's family, she likes rocks. She is interested in the magical properties of rocks and gemstones. Her cutie mark is a gemstone and sparkles. She studies magic and rocks. When she was younger her Aunt Maud was teaching her about rocks and mentioned that with the right stone one could rule all of Equestria, she has secretly been trying to find the right stone. For her colors I just combined, Pinkie's and Party Favor's, I usually don't like to do that because the colors end up not looking anything like the parent's or family member's, but here the colors looked similar to Maud or other members of Pinkie's family so I used them. The haven't really come up with much of a personality for the oldest, I guess he likes to party. His cutie mark is a slice of pie. 5: Fluttershy and Nurse Pony. I don't have a name for her son, the daughter's name is Blossom. I just chose the stallion sort of randomly, I thought their colors looked nice together I might make a different alternate universe Fluttershy family with her and Discord. Blossom is a cheerful pony, she loves nature, and loves to grow flowers and plants. Her cutie mark is a flower blossom. She likes to grow flowers that attract animals. I haven't really thought up much more for her personality. The foal is a bit shy, he has trouble speaking to other ponies. He is kind of secretive and spends a lot of time alone. His cutie mark is three ghosts because he is often invisible to others because of his shy personality and because he secretly practices necromancy.

6: Applejack. I literally just chose this stallion to pair with her because I think the colors look nice together. I have no idea what his name is, I don't think he even has one. This isn't about shipping, I just wanted to design some next gen kids, so I chose the stallion based on the colors. I don't have names for either of the kids. The youngest wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up. She loves the animals on her mom's farm and wants to be able to care for them when they are sick or injured. She is calm most of the time and very patient. The older one's cutie mark is an apple, orange, and grapes. She wants to grow and sell lots of different fruits. She is also interested in tree grafting, she wants to be able to graft different fruit trees together. (I'm going to say it's possible to make a tree with more than one type of fruit in mlp because magic) 7: Big Mac. I haven't come up with cutie marks for the younger two. The oldest has sort of a tomboyish personality. She loves the outdoors, animals, and running through mud puddles. Her cutie mark is an pie and an apple slice. She is good a making desserts with apples. The middle child, is calm and doesn't talk much. She is not shy, she just doesn't like to say much. She prefers to listen to what others have to say. The youngest has a personality similar to his mother Sugar Belle, he's very sweet and likes to help others. He loves helping his mother cook desserts. I used the color of Granny Smith's coat for the youngest, and the color of Big Mac's father and Apple Bloom for the oldest. The oldest one has the same color eyes as Big Mac's mother.

8: They didn’t have descriptions

#mlp fim #my little pony friendship is magic #mlp ocs #mlp next gen #twilight sparkle #star tracker #rarity #rainbow dash #thunderlane #pinkie pie #party favor #fluttershy #discord murder party #applejack #my art

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rewatching-supernatural · 3 years

Text

s05e05

oh my my

that car happiness was short lived

*****

mhm..?

*****

Little Bastard

the cursed car

*****

Dean sweet talking the car

and being terrified of the car

why not just say the number outloud and have Sam write it down?

*****

Abraham Lincoln is killing people now?

*****

El Presidente Lincoln killed Mr Hill

// sidenote: I actually understood everything she said in Spanish and that made me proud 😂 it's my fourth language so 😅

*****

famous ghosts?

killing their fans

*****

Research Sam™

*****

aw, that poor man's about to have his most precious possessions destroyes 😬🙃

*****

Sam acting all pissy and shit like he didn't spend a full year ignoring Dean and Bobby and drinking demon blood which culminated in him starting the Apocalypse

😒😒😒

*****

Creepy

*****

ah yes, the irony of Gandhi attacking him

*****

Paris Hilton, eh

*****

not a fan of the added effects on her nails as they scratch against the knife

*****

he decapitated Paris Hilton 😂

*****

I am once again skipping the "Soon" part because why the hell would I want to be spoiled???

#s05e05 #spn s05e05 #supernatural #supernatural rewatch #spn rewatch #spn #spn season 5 #season 5 #feb 21 #fallen idols #famous ghosts #abraham lincoln #james dean #wax museum #gandhi #paris hilton #celebrities #famous #cameo

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laughingpinecone · 3 years

Text

ToT letter 2021

I am laughingpineapple on AO3

Hello dear author! I hope you’ll have fun with our match. Feel free to draw from general or fandom-specific likes, past letters, and/or follow your heart.

Art likes: characters doing something, even something very simple, illustrating a moment rather than abstractly posing. I also enjoy seeing them wear different clothes, getting a feel of what their fashion sense is like beyond their canon outfit(s). Or dressing them up for some outlandish AU!

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic, hurt/comfort or just comfort from the ample canon hurt, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, canon-adjacent tropey plots, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploration of secondary bits of canon, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played straight, sensory details, sickfic, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships), emphasis on inhuman traits of characters who were human once and have sort of shed it all behind

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay!), canon retellings

All requests are for both fic and art!

Death Crown: Death, trick

(I haven't played the DLC yet so, alas, no demons, or no spoilers for the demons, at least) I am absolutely charmed by the overall mood of this game and would like to see something more in that vein! Anything! Got more sacred (or unholy?) geometrical architecture for Death to interact with, maybe in greater detail than just wrecking it? What else feels like a contemporary take on a Bosch painting? Can Death get lost?

Ghost Trick: Jowd, Cabanela, trick, treat

Anything focused on Cabanela being an unstoppable force (confident, untiring, sparkling, stubborn, dexterous, loyal to the bitter end, legs) and/or Jowd being an immovable object (sarcastic, strong, depressed, self-deprecating but knowing he's hot stuff, also stubborn, clever but an emotional dumbass, round). Figuring out stuff? Something in the new timeline is linked to the old timeline? Coat? Dancing? Scarves? Halloween costumes?

I like Cabanela/Jowd and Cabanela/Alma/Jowd and Cabanela/Alma in scenarios where Jowd isn't around and Alma/Jowd in general (REALLY like all these, okay. like this is the one request where I'd love the most self-indulgent shippy takes as well), and dig Lynne/Memry. Yomiel/fianSissel and Emma/JM also cool!

Hylics: any, trick, treat

(I have only played the first game so far so please no overt spoilers for Hylics 2. Feel free to include stuff from it but... stealthily, I guess?) This is an "anything that feels somewhat like canon, please" sort of request! Love the mood, love the cast, love the little added details in their menu screen. Those can be prompts? Or the oddball stats? How do ToT's trick and treat freeforms apply to Hylics' overall... hylicsness, what would those guys think constitutes a "creepy" moment or a "fluffy" one?

Not into ships for this one, however I WILL say that Dedusmuln has all the proverbial curves in the right places. mostly their face.

Kentucky Route Zero: Weaver

Math, debt, the liminal state of almost being a ghost, seeing the world with a strange clarity... just anything Weaver, please! How'd she make her way to the town? What was it like for her to be working on Xanadu for a time? What about the community broadcast! Does she have an opinion on Carrington's oeuvre? You know... things... stuff. Weaver things. and stuff.

I love the whole cast and Weaver... wove... her story through most of them so feel free to bring in whomever. Not interested in ships here though.

Paradise Killer: Lady Love Dies, trick

A post-canon glimpse of life on '''''perfect''''' 25? That's not QUITE enough class consciousness to make the whole thing work, you guys. What does 'normal' life feel like to LD now? After following Henry's case and talking to Shinji so much, can she see that it's doomed to fail again, and then what? What IS Island 25 like, anyway? (what comes after Island 25, even?)

I liked the choice of canon romances - if it has to be just one I'd prefer it to be Crimson, but I'd also be interested in seeing what a V or triad with Doom Jazz would look like. They're all so chill about stuff

Pyre: Volfred, trick, treat

Pragmatic idealist, charismatic and bad at people, pacifist, activist, physiologically incapable of shutting up for a hot second, what's there not to love... I am very into either of the following: C. Volfred Sandalwood has a fantastic day; C. Volfred Sandalwood has a terrible no good day. Everything is great! Pre-exile antiestablishmentarian antics, maybe with Bertrude? Political gambits? The very physical dangers of the Downside which may or may not catch a scholar by surprise (who saves him?)? Tree problems? Meeting Oralech for the first time and Volfred thinks he himself is hot stuff but out of the two, Oralech is clearly the VIP? Feeling like he should live up to Lu Sclorian's legacy but he feels much closer to other Scribes (and what does Lu have to say about it, one way or another?)? The thrilling intimacy of Reading? The thrilling intimacy of lowercase reading also, maybe reading old manuscripts found in the Downside?

I very much ship him with Tariq and/or Oralech. The only canon ship I like is Hedwyn/Fikani. I also like Soliam/Gol, Bertrude/Pamitha and Celeste/Jodariel. Love all the Nightwings + Dalbert (+Deluge...?); love to dunk on Manley, Brighton and Lendel (I don't enjoy flat-out bashing, more like... I enjoy the way they are portrayed as horrible gremlins in canon and if they turn up in fic I'm not interested in more positive portrayals)

Signs of the Sojourner: Rhea, Elias, trick, treat

Once again pretty much an "anything in the style of canon" request. I love this setting, its themes and all the little lives that fill it. I am interested in a wide range of postcanon scenarios and love the whole cast - does Rhea come back to $town any number of years down the line and find $character? How'd their storyline end up in the medium-long term? What the hell is up with the Stranger (seriously, three runs and I never managed to speak with them, I have no idea)? What's life like for Elias back home, or in a new home if they can't keep the store, or if Rhea landed the Oscar ending or whatever (just, please, not dead Rhea. I love that ending but can't stand to consider what it'd do to Elias)? Or does he join the caravan just once? Who did Rhea grow to really like and can't wait to see every time? Any ghost stories or creepy encounters on the caravan's route? Does Thunder help?

I'm neutral on ships here - good with Rhea&Elias, good with background Rhea/Elias but I wouldn't like a romantic focus.

Totally Normal Wizard Apprentice: apprentice, wizard, master, trick, treat

(conflict of interest disclaimer, I illustrated this but didn't write nor nominate it) What awaits the apprentice outside the wizard's tower? It sounds like a pretty wild moon out there, I loved all the worldbuilding hints of the bigger setting. Does the wizard keep track of the apprentice, with her telescope or otherwise, and how does she take care of her ruined parlor? Was this all some sort of 5d chess on the master's part, and if so to what end? And what kind of otherworldly patience does this man possess, anyway, to handle the apprentice on a daily basis?

Twin Peaks: Margaret, Diane, Lucy, Tammy, trick, treat

(bass-boosted ethereal whooshing) For tricks, I would like to see any of these characters face the woods, the mystery of the woods, and/or a new symbol of your liking. Or: Margaret in the city, Diane and the moon, Lucy and the color blue, Tammy incognito.

For treats, a happy meeting. I love the whole cast and I'm always thrilled by gonzo "&" pairings, bring in whomever! Coffee and pie? The Bookhouse Boys? A kinder aspect of the woods?

Fandom-specific notes: love s3, love the books too. I like Lucy/Andy, Margaret/Sam fwiw, and rarepairs Tammy/Cynthia and Diane/Constance. Please no Fireman's-house-is-the-white-lodge, no Twin Perfect, no Judy-was-destroyed (nor is destroyable).

Arcade Spirits: Percy, Teo, treat

More than anything, I love the sense of group and camaraderie among the arcade's staff and regulars, and I'd love to see some more of it. I picked Percy and Teo 'cause they're my faves but anyone you may want to add, up to and including Sue, is very very welcome. Is there any aspect of gaming that feels like it could be adapted to this strange world of contemporary arcades? Cosplay shenanigans for everyone courtesy of Ashley? Any other activity that could show how Percy and/or Teo get along with the others, like they were all forming little groups during the beach chapter? It's such a feel-good canon, any feel-good situation would be great!

My Ari is with Percy but I'm not really interested in shipping here. All sorts of friendships though!

#letter

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ponett · 4 years

Text

i was finally able to see the bad star war that everyone said was bad. as it turns out, it was bad. here’s a read more post with my thoughts on it so that i don’t spam my twitter with spoiler tweets

for a baseline: i like the original trilogy, but i don’t think any of those movies are perfect. i think the prequels had some good ideas but i were mostly terrible. i love the clone wars (both versions) and rebels. while i admit that tfa was extremely similar to a new hope, i thought it was executed great and had a wonderful new cast that showed a ton of promise. i liked rogue one, although i found its first act really sloppy. and i have some quibbles about tlj, but it had an incredibly strong vision and actual themes, and i’d consider it my favorite in the series

i’m exactly the kind of person who was always going to hate the rise of skywalker, because it’s basically a bad fanfic written by someone who didn’t like tlj and wanted to “fix” the story. like that bizarre story treatment jenny nicholson read for this movie. the bad one. it was like that

it wasn’t all bad i guess. here are the small things i liked:

some of the new environments were cool. there was cool imagery and practical effects work

i appreciated that the moon of endor where the death star wreckage was wasn’t just the one with the ewoks, and thought the vibe there was cool

zorii bliss’s armor was really cool

the image of the fleet of star destroyers all lined up was striking

i liked that the ghost showed up for the final battle

i liked that ahsoka was one of the jedi voices rey heard, even though that kind of implies that ahsoka is, uh... dead?

while extremely fucking trite and dumb, i’ll admit the closing scene on tatooine got me. yeah, rey has no real connection to this place and it’s just a nostalgic throwback, but i’m a sucker for full circle endings like that

uh. that’s about it

this movie kicks off in the middle of an action scene and just kind of keeps jumping to new setpieces nonstop until it’s over. new characters and locations get introduced and then moved past in the blink of an eye. there’s no time to let any of it sink in. it feels like abrams crammed two movies worth of shit into this one to make up for the the fact that some people didn’t like tlj, and as a result none of it resonates. i just felt so empty throughout most of the film. events were happening on screen and none of it mattered

thoughts about individual elements:

LEIA

putting the scenes with the recycled footage of carrie fisher at the beginning of the film completely took me out of it. it was so obvious that she wasn’t really responding to what was being said, and the conversations had just been built around the limited leia lines they could use

the dialogue scenes with leia felt like a space ghost interview

C-3PO

was in this movie a lot for some reason? i guess abrams wanted to make up for how little c-3po there was in the last two movies. they tried to have that emotional moment where his memory is wiped, but then they just turned his memory loss into a big joke?? and then he got most of his memories back anyway

in general, the movie is afraid to let the audience be uncomfortable for long. 3po’s memory loss. the supposed deaths of chewbacca and babu frik, that sort of thing. you’re not allowed to be sad. after tlj so effectively built tension throughout the film and really pushed the heroes to the brink, this is a disappointment

LANDO

is here because he needed to show up, and because it’s a throwback to have him pilot the falcon again. he’s just kind of there with little to do and no arc

FINN, POE, AND ROSE

before the movie came out, i had low expectations. all i really wanted was to get one last fun adventure with the new characters. when i started to hear about the spoilers, my expectations sank even lower. but maybe i would still get this

nah! rose gets like two minutes of screentime because redditors hated her, and finn and poe are barely even characters. they don’t have arcs in this film, they’re just sidekicks on rey’s journey

finn really hurts. prior to tfa’s release, finn was framed as the new star. this was, of course, a bait and switch, as rey was really the new jedi. (finn apparently IS force sensitive according to this one, but hey! we can only have one big jedi hero, so like leia before him, i guess we’ve gotta wait for some EU novel to give finn a lightsaber)

but finn was still a central character in the last two films, and he had so much potential. he was a stormtrooper who defected! that’s something new! that’s interesting! it complicates the black and white morality of the series. but no. that’s been all but abandoned at this point

many have complained about how tfa establishes that basically all the stormtroopers are people who were kidnapped as children and brainwashed by the first order... but then they still have no qualms about gleefully killing them. in the first two movies i was like “yeah, it sucks that they have to kill those guys, but if it’s to prevent genocide, it’s understandable. that’s just war. maybe they’ll touch on it in the last movie.” so in this one, they kept reminding the audience that the stormtroopers were enslaved as children. jannah is even introduced as another stormtrooper who defected like finn. but then... it goes nowhere. finn doesn’t get any first order troops to defect. they don’t care about the other stormtroopers. how many hundreds of thousands of enslaved soldiers did they kill when they blew up those star destroyers

it was nice to see finn and poe take the charge as leaders in the end, but it also feels like they didn’t take the lessons from tlj to heart. the whole point of that story was that one-in-a-million shot heroic suicide missions aren’t worth it, and that they’re more useful to the resistance alive than they are as martyrs. but then in the climax of this film they take like 30 ships to go fight a fleet of a hundred fucking star destroyers

on the subject of that final battle: i thought that the ending of tlj was so powerful. the resistance was decimated, but they still had hope, because they knew there were others out there who could help. people like rey, or the broom boy, who came from nothing but had good hearts. in this one, though, they say that apparently nobody responded to the leia’s call for help in the entire year since the last film. everyone only shows up during the climax after lando’s like “no, but for real guys, we need help”

and i did think that that sequence was cool. and i did like seeing the ghost among the ships. it was fun. the message that fascists like the first order rule by making people feel isolated, and that they’re defeated by realizing that good people are never alone? that was good. i thought that was a strong message. but it’s such a minor footnote on a movie that’s so bad in so many other ways

oh and they made the latino dude a drug dealer. okay. thanks for that

KYLO REN

i hate that they redeemed kylo and i hate the way they did it

yes, him being coerced to turn to the dark side by snoke (who was apparently just a puppet controlled by palpatine all along (UGH)) as a kid was tragic. but that doesn’t excuse his actions. kylo was given infinite second chances throughout the trilogy, and every time he responded with violence. he killed so many people himself, and willingly took part in a fascist regime that killed billions. yes, his story is sad, but he’s not some poor little boy, he’s thirty fucking years old and he vents his trauma by slaughtering innocent people

literally the entire main trio of the original trilogy died because of this asshole. han tried to talk to him in the first movie, and got stabbed and dropped into a pit. luke died astral projecting to face him in tlj. and now leia just kind of arbitrarily died to flip the switch in his brain from bad to good from across the galaxy. it’s literally as simple as that. he doesn’t have a personal journey here. he just stops being evil because his mom made him through the force

like, again. all those enslaved stormtrooper grunts who had been brainwashed since they were kids? gunned down. but giving kylo endless second chances is the most important thing in the world

and then they end the movie by having this creepy abusive stalker genocidal asshole sadboy kiss rey, retroactively framing their dynamic as a romantic one. just, gross as hell. even in this one, for most of the film, all he does is threaten rey and boss her around

i dunno. i thought the first order were interesting as antagonists. yeah, they were just the empire 2.0. but i thought it was appropriate! the idea was that just because palpatine was dead and gone didn’t mean that fascism was gone. there were still hateful people who wanted to rule the galaxy via genocide. like how we still have nazis in the 21st century. except, oops! palpatine was actually alive and pulling the strings the entire time, so now that theme’s out the window. we just have to kill him again FOR REAL this time and now the galaxy will actually be safe

people wondered where the first order would go after snoke died in tlj. but it was so obvious to me? kylo was in charge. kylo was always the most interesting bad guy. just let him call the shots and be the final adversary. but no. that wasn’t good enough. we had to bring back palpatine as the jrpg final boss to have an epic conclusion

REY

oh, poor rey. youtube critics got mad that a girl could be a strong jedi without being related to some other powerful force user from the old movies, so now she’s stuck being a palpatine forever

i will admit, the protagonist of the new movies being related to palpatine but still being a good person in spite of her heritage... that could have been something. but it’s so clearly not what they had in mind from the start, and it spits in the face of the last movie’s themes. it turns out greatness CAN’T come from anywhere. it has to come from one of these select few Special Bloodlines

oh! and this ALSO reframes rey’s parents abandoning her and selling her into slavery as an act of kindness, because they had to hide her from her spooky evil grandpa. so THAT’S fun. (edit: OH! and luke and leia knew about rey the whole time!!! and didn’t go out and look for her!!!!)

it’s just. it’s so bad what they did to rey. i don’t know if i even have much to elaborate on there, everyone’s already said how stupid it is

---

overall, i still wouldn’t say it’s the WORST star wars movie. it’s more watchable than the phantom menace, that’s for damn sure. the actors put in effort. the sets and practical effects are nice. it’s just so... empty

tros possibly feels the closest to how i imagined the new trilogy would be when it was first announced, but in a bad way. a movie built entirely on established ideas of What Star Wars Is with nothing new to bring to the table. it’s like a bad eu novel. just recycled imagery, cameos from characters we already know, palpatine coming back from the dead, that sort of thing. it’s a movie made by committee to appease reddit. it’s nothing

now i gotta use that free trial of disney plus to watch the mandalorian and wash the taste out of my mouth i guess

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is0gild · 4 years

Text

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 20

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 10,096

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

Turns out once you've smooched a guy on the nose, things like holding his hand and other such minor displays of affection no longer seem so daunting.

Sure, even as I reached for his hand now, some small amount of mental self-cheerleading was still required in order to work myself up to it. And okay, the tiny flutter in my chest when my fingers brushed against his almost had me pulling back faster than you could say 'emotion-phobia.' But I didn't. And hey, this was way more than I could have brought myself to do even just a few short days ago. This was kind of huge for me, so I think I'd earned the right to take a little pride in my headway so far. Who knew, I just might pull off my half of this whole pretend dating deal yet.

Lea glanced down at my touch. Then he grinned, pulling my hand up to press a soft kiss to the back of it before setting it back down on the dinner table, his thumb trailing light circles along my knuckles. Picking right back up where he'd left off in the conversation, he said, "Oh yeah, GUMMI ships got all sorts of badass tech going on now, the likes of which would put both Star Trek and Star Wars to shame. Super, ultra, mega-laser cannons, impenetrable force fields, swarms of nanobots that can repair any and all damage just like that," he snapped his fingers. Lea then planted an elbow on the table and leaned forward to add in a conspiratorial whisper, "They even have defense systems in the form of giant, exploding space duckies."

Saïx gave him a flat look from where he sat on the other side of the table from us. "Not true."

"Sure it is!" Lea chirped, straightening back up in his chair. "I mean, how else are they gonna fight all those aliens out there?"

Propping my cheek in my free palm, I cocked an eyebrow at him as I felt an upward tug at one corner of my lips. "Aliens? As in little green men?"

"No, no, that'd just be silly," he waved off with a scoff. "As in lil shadow men. Creepy bastards with big, yellow eyes and twitchy antennae." Still holding my hand, he brought both of his own up to either side of his head, miming said antennae with his index fingers.

Closing his eyes, Saïx gave a low sigh into his wine glass. "Also not true."

Lea shrugged, "Oh sure, they're not all like that. There was that blue one they found over in Hawaii, what was its code name again… Experiment 626? Yeah, the government got that one covered up real fast. And don't even get me started on the total dreadnought that is Schwarzgeist lurking out there somewhere in the night sky that absolutely obliterated the USS Endymion."

"The sheer amount of not true you are spouting off right now is positively staggering," Saïx deadpanned, eyelids drooping as he dabbed his napkin to his mouth. "You really need to stop staying up late every night reading all those conspiracy theories out there on the internet."

Lips curling into an evil smirk, Lea said, "But how else am I gonna royally piss you off so much?"

That earned him a small scowl from his brother.

This was basically it. The whole evening in a nutshell from the moment I'd stepped foot into Lea's apartment. Like me, it seemed that Saïx was not much of a talker, at least not amongst strangers. Unlike me however, it appeared to have less to do with social anxiety and more like he just plain wasn't a fan of the whole talking thing and so only did it when he deemed it absolutely necessary. Which I could totally respect. It was just that between the two of us, it had a tendency to leave a bit of a void in the conversation every now and then. Luckily, it was void that Lea was only too happy to fill.

Saïx had been the one to cook dinner. It seemed that that was part of the breakdown of chores in their living arrangement: he usually handled supper while breakfast was Lea's job. Saïx and I had already emptied our plates by now while Lea was still working on his, seeing as how he was otherwise preoccupied with talking a mile a minute. The meal had been a very nice chicken bruschetta pasta paired with a red wine from a fancy looking bottle. The latter I'd thought to be a bit of an odd choice, as I didn't picture Lea being much of a wine drinker. But there he was, sipping away at it, pinkie raised as he did so for an added bit of flair. I guess he just wasn't picky and would drink whatever was put in front of him. I, on the other hand, had decided not to partake. Would rather keep a clear head during this bit of subterfuge we were playing out in front of Saïx.

The point was, there was wine. And wine equaled a wine tipsy Lea. And a wine tipsy Lea, as I was discovering, equaled a chatty Lea. The boy was already chatty to begin with, but this was an all new level. This was chatty on steroids. Needless to say, he was having no trouble whatsoever keeping the conversation rolling.

"Why are we even discussing the GUMMI space program again?" Saïx asked in his bored monotone.

Lea drove his fork down into his pasta, twirling it around. "You know you're always a total slut for outer space, man. The moon and constellations and all that crap is your jam."

"Yes, but our guest," he gestured towards me, "might not find the topic nearly so interesting."

Trailing a finger along the rim of my still full wine glass, I said, "Actually, I've been fascinated by the research their lead mechanical scientist Cid Highwind has been doing in the field of warping technology. With his help, it might not be long before our ships can travel to other solar systems."

Both men just blinked silently at me for a moment.

What? So I liked to keep up on current events by reading a news article every now and again online. It really was not a big deal.

Saïx was the one to speak up first. "Yes. It's said Highwind is hoping to have a working prototype in less than five years."

Do my eyes deceive me? Was that the hint of a smile ghosting over Saïx's mouth?

Oh wow, I think I'd managed to score some points.

...not that it mattered, of course. Since this was only a fake relationship, after all, so getting in the brother's good graces didn't really mean all that much to me. Not one bit. Nope.

Nuzzling his nose to my ear, Lea beamed, "Hell yeah! My baby knows shit!"

"More than you do at least," Saïx sniffed blandly.

Expression relaxing into a sly grin now, he shot back, "I know enough to know about an astral sea monster whose sheer mass is gargantuan enough to blot out the very sun, the terror of the cosmos, eater of spacecrafts and destroyer of worlds, the dreaded galactic space whale," he paused for dramatic effect before splaying a hand out before him as he intoned in hushed reverence, "...Monstro."

Saïx grumbled under his breath and facepalmed.

"By my count, that's the eighth time he's done that tonight," Lea stage whispered to me. "Just five more and I'll have beat my all-time record."

I gave a low hum of amusement. "I suppose it's important to have goals in life."

He snorted, returning his attention to his food as he scooped a forkful into his mouth. I noticed that he'd incidentally stained one side of his lips in the process and I had a brief flashback to a familiar scene of Sora and Kairi. Of the pair of them sitting in the food court and Kairi kissing away a similarly located blotch on her boyfriend. Now that right there had been a seriously advanced dating technique and one I was in no way ready to try out myself. You kidding me? I was still very much a beginner here and the very idea of trying to pull off such a maneuver already had my ears turning pink. That said, a newbie like me still had some options, especially with my newfound ability to make the first move and actually touch my (fake) boyfriend without completely spazzing out.

I tucked in my lower lip, hesitating briefly as my pulse thudded a little more loudly against my eardrums. But then I slowly lifted my hand.

Lea visibly stiffened as he felt my thumb brush at the corner of his mouth, wiping the smudge away. As I began to retract my arm however, he dropped his fork to snatch my wrist and stop me. I arched an eyebrow at him. He smiled back with hooded eyes. Then he gently tugged my thumb up to his lips and licked the sauce off it.

Breath hitching, I yanked my hand free of his grasp. His smile just turned smug as he winked at me.

Apparently, Wine Tipsy Lea had even less boundaries than usual.

As I wiped my thumb with a napkin and ducked my head to hide my boiling cheeks, I heard Saïx mutter, "One has to wonder what a woman of your obvious intelligence and sophistication even sees in an asinine clown such as my brother."

"Well let me think about it," Lea's eyes danced as he folded his hands together, steepling his index fingers so the joined tips touched his mouth. "Perhaps it's my devilish charm and debonair good looks?"

"Oh come now," he said cooly with another sip of his wine, "if you're going to be making things up, you should attempt to make them at least halfway credible."

"He makes me laugh," I suddenly heard myself saying. As both pairs of eyes turned towards me, I immediately felt self-conscious. I mean seriously, what a stupid, cliché thing to say. But that didn't make it any less true, any less… meaningful. I wasn't someone who laughed a lot. In fact, before I'd run out on my wedding, I could probably count the number of times I'd laughed in the last year on one hand.

Fidgeting with my fingers, I pushed forward, "He's sweet… and thoughtful. And genuine. He's not afraid to be himself. And because of that, I find it easier to be… myself... around him." Another thing that did not come easy to me.

As Lea slipped an arm around my shoulders so he could pull me closer and plant a swift peck to my temple, Saïx gave a soft harrumph, "Well, I guess there's no accounting for taste."

"Psst, Saïx," Lea lowered his voice, bending forward over the table and cupping a hand to his mouth. "The moon landing was faked."

With a heavy sigh through his nose, he merely rose from his chair and started gathering the plates and silverware together. As he reached for mine, I protested, "No, that's okay, I can take care of it."

"You're the guest," he said simply as he swiped it up in one smooth motion.

"Best not argue, otherwise he might unleash his berserker wrath on you," Lea sniggered to me. However, when Saïx next took his plate away (still with food on it), he snapped, "Hey! I wasn't done with that!"

"Then you should have eaten faster," he responded dryly.

He stuck his tongue out at him. "Oh yeah? Well the earth is flat." As Saïx turned towards the kitchen, the plates stacked in his hand "accidentally" smacked into Lea's forehead, forcing a small grunt out of him.

I hid a grin behind my hand as Lea pressed his fingertips to the fresh sore spot with a soft tch. Then he downed the rest of his wine as he stood up himself, gathering the other glasses between his fingers on one hand while balling up napkins together in the other. He looked at me, face brightening, "Why don'tcha go on and take a seat in the living room. I'll join ya after I finish helping Saïx clean up."

"Alright," I nodded. He used a hand (the one stuffed full of napkins) to pull my seat out as I stood and gave him a tiny smile before moving past him. Reaching the blue sofa, I moved some of its mismatched pillows to clear a space and took a seat on the far end, tugging the hem of my dress down to cover my knees as I listened to the sound of running water and clinking dishware coming from the kitchen.

I didn't have to wait long before the boys were rejoining me. Lea came bounding over first, plopping himself unceremoniously down onto the couch with me.

Leaving one whole cushion space between us.

I furrowed my brow over at him. However, I did not have to wonder for long at his unexpected seating choice.

For next thing I knew, he'd flopped over onto his side and was using my lap as a makeshift pillow.

My eyes widened and I jolted, one hand going to my chest. His cheek nestled against my leg as one hand went to my knee, his thumb tracing lightly along its top curve over the fabric. "Mmm… you're comfy!" he sighed contentedly.

It was official. Wine Tipsy Lea had absolutely zero boundaries.

Halfway into taking a seat into a maroon armchair to our right, Saïx stopped. Then he straightened back up to his full height with a tired, drawn-out huff. "Perhaps some coffee would be in order."

I gradually relaxed, my eyes crinkling as I glanced down at Lea with a resigned smile. He was like a kitten cuddling into my lap. A really big kitten. I half expected him to start purring. "Perhaps that might be for the best," I murmured in agreement.

My eyes lifted long enough to follow Saïx as he made his way back over towards their kitchen, long blue hair swaying behind him as he went. When I looked back down, I realized with a tiny start that one of my hands had taken it upon itself to start lightly stroking Lea's hair.

Huh. How did that cheeky little devil get there?

I should stop.

But it was just so very... soft. Softer than I remembered. So soft that it felt like I was doing something wrong, something… forbidden by daring to touch it.

...okay, I really, really needed to stop.

...ten seconds. Just ten more measly, innocent seconds, then I'd stop.

There was a low, pleased hum in Lea's throat as my fingers continued to slowly run through his fiery locks. Then he rolled over onto his back, capturing my hand with his to press a gentle kiss into my palm. It tickled and my heart stuttered as I felt a familiar heat creeping up my neck. He... did know Saïx was no longer nearby to witness this little production he was putting on... right? Then again, maybe Lea was too far gone by now to realize his brother had left the room and so was still on boyfriend autopilot. Cradling my hand to his chest just over his heart, his other came up to start fiddling with the end of my braid from where it hung forward over my shoulder as he grinned up at me. "Wanna know?"

My head tipped to one side, "...know what?"

"You said what you see in me, so now it's my turn. Wanna know what I see in you?"

I blinked at him. Then my eyes briefly flicked over to Saïx just beyond the island counter where he was filling a coffee maker with water. Could he hear us all the way over there? Hopefully… this might be good for show. With a low snort, I planted my elbow on the armrest next to me, propping my cheek against my knuckles as I dropped my gaze back to Lea. "Sure, why not? Go for it."

This should be good.

His grin twitched wider. "You're kooky."

...well I certainly wasn't disappointed.

Though that wasn't quite the word I would have expected out of him. In fact, not the word I would have ever expected out of anyone when used to describe me.

One of my eyebrows quirked. "I'm… kooky?"

He nodded, "Mm-hm! Most people don't know it, but it's there. Way, way deep down in here," he tapped a finger to a spot just below my collarbone before going back to toying with my braid. "Ya try to keep it hidden. Don't like people seeing that side of you for some reason. But I've caught glimpses of it. I like it. Makes me feel like I'm in on a secret no one else is. And you're fun. Hella smart, too. And so goddamn pretty."

"That so?" I muttered, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

Wine Tipsy Lea was laying it on a bit thick.

Still… I was smiling despite myself.

"And that. Right there," he tapped a finger to my lips. "Your smile is gorgeous. Was the first thing about you that had me head over heels. I love being the one to put it there. Love being the one that can make you laugh."

Did I say a bit thick? Try instead a lot thick. Too thick. Like two metric tons too thick. Jeez, perhaps I'd be better off hoping Saïx couldn't actually hear all this. Even he might think it a bit too much to be believable.

Lea's eyes softened as he continued to stare up at me, his hand shifting over from my mouth to lightly graze his curled fingers against my cheek, leaving tiny tingles in their wake. "...I wish we were real."

Insert record screech.

E-E-Excuse me?!

My heart stopped. Like legit full on stopped. There were at least three full seconds there where if a medical examiner had checked my pulse, they would have probably declared me dead.

Lea froze, his whole body locking up. His eyes grew round and his face blanched, his expression now a perfect mirror of what I imagined my own must have looked like in that exact moment as he seemingly and immediately realized his mistake.

Now I definitely hoped Saïx couldn't overhear us! There seemed to be no reaction from over in the kitchen beyond the sound of water beginning to boil. Which was good. Maybe our cover wasn't blown and-

...and so not the point right now! The point was… was…

Ex-friggin'-scuse me?!

Wish we were real? What did that even mean? Real what? Did he mean that he wanted… that he wished he and I… that we were a… an actual, honest to god coupl-

No! No, I must have misheard. Yeah, that had to be it! He hadn't said… er… what I thought he'd said. No, what he'd probably actually said was, uh… was he wished we were… seals. Yeah, that's probably what it was! Seals were neat! And… and cute! I wouldn't blame him for wanting to be one, especially in his less than totally sober state! Or… or… he could have said that he… he fished… for Neil. Who was Neil, one might wonder? Got me! But you know what? Good for Lea, helping his ol' pal Neil out with fishing like that. Nice guy, that Lea. Such a giver, such a-

"TORS!" Lea suddenly shouted, practically making me jump out of my skin as he shot up off my lap and scooted all the way over to sit at the opposite end of the couch. He had a hand clasped over his nose and mouth, doing a poor job of hiding his reddened (wine flushed?) face. "Realtors! I wish we were realtors, is what I was trying to say!" he hastily clarified, shooting a weak chuckle my way.

I stared at him blankly.

Wha…? Realtors…?

Apparently, he wasn't done. "Yeah! You know, one of those power couples you hear about all the time! Partners in everything, from romance to real estate! That's some real lovey-dovey crap right there, don'tcha think? The epitome of passion! The sappiest dream to ever sap! The-"

"What inanity are you babbling on about now?" Saïx returned, causing me for the second time in as many minutes to nearly die of cardiac arrest. He was carrying two steaming mugs, one in each hand.

"Nothing! Not a damn thing! Nope! Total nonsense!" Lea said quickly, snatching up one of the cups and rapidly blowing on the coffee a couple times before knocking back the whole thing in one go. He pulled the cup away from his lips with a wince, probably suffering from a tongue that was now at least mildly burnt. Then he plastered on a grin, "You know how I get when I'm lost in the sauce, man. I start rambling off total bullshit that I don't even mean. Never. Mm-mm, nope, not one bit! Every word of it? Total garbage. Yup! Heh…"

I flinched back from the second warm mug that was suddenly being offered me. I'd barely had a chance to hold up my hand and shake my head before Lea was grabbing that one too, handling this one with smaller, more cautious sips.

...realtors.

Huh.

Okay, sure, why not?

Not like it was any crazier than any of the other explanations I'd come up with myself. Especially when you considered Lea was more than a little buzzed. People said nonsensical things all the time while under the influence. I'd know, I'd seen Anna in a state of three sheets to the wind on more than one occasion. You should have heard half the things she'd blathered on about at the time… adventures through magical winter wonderlands, talking snowmen, singing rock people, whole castles made of-

Shoot, Saïx was talking to me. Or rather, had been talking to me for a while and now seemed to be expecting some sort of reply. Still a little rattled, I scrounged together a flimsy but polite smile, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

One thin eyebrow arched ever so slightly at me as he cradled a fuming mug between his hands. Apparently he'd gone back at some point to get one for himself as well. "...I heard you were present during one of my sleepwalking episodes a couple weeks back. I hope I didn't give you too much of a fright."

"Oh! No! No, it's-" I got distracted as I felt Lea gingerly inching back over to sit beside me. Probably trying to salvage some semblance of the relationship pretense. However, his affections had become somewhat subdued, restricted now to only resting an arm along the sofa cushions behind my head and his knee brushing against mine as he continued to nurse the coffee. Regathering my train of thought, I tried again, "It's, uh… it's alright. Not your fault. Nor was I bothered by it at all. Just had to stay out of your way, is all."

"Still I-"

"Ya know what?" Lea suddenly piped up, plonking the now empty mug down onto the coffee table right next to the first one. "Sorry guys, but I think we gotta call it an early night! I'm beat! And I mean woof! Dog-tired!"

My eyebrows knit together as I glanced over at him. "...but you just chugged two full cups of coffee."

...what are you doing, you fool, shut up! He was probably trying to rescue us by putting a merciful end to what, as of the last five minutes, had officially become one royal disaster of an evening!

He bat a hand through the air, "That? Please, that was just to help sober my drunk ass up! Trust me, caffeine doesn't do jackshit to me when it comes to staying awake."

Saïx's mouth had settled into a flat line as his green gaze shifted back and forth between Lea and me. "Very well," he said finally, closing his eyes as he raised his cup to his lips, "I presume my noise canceling headphones will be a necessity while I work tonight."

I frowned. "Noise canceling…?"

Lea cleared his throat and gave a sheepish chuckle while scratching a spot behind his ear. "He, uh… thinks you're spending the night."

"Oh…" I said slowly before his words had a chance to fully sink in. Then they did. "Oh!" I repeated more loudly, eyes widening as I rocketed up to my feet, "You mean sex!"

...what the actual frick, mouth?!

"Which is a thing!" Apparently, I was only getting started. Panic mode was in full effect now. "A thing d-dating couples do! Which… which we are! Dating, that is. And a couple! Can't, uh… can't forget that part." Dear lord, where's a gag when you need one? "Which, I don't know w-why you would. Because clearly we're a couple. Yup! That's us!" Yeesh, at least when Lea had been yammering off nonsense, he'd had wine coursing through his veins. What was my excuse? "A couple! A couple who, ah…" Oh no. "...who have, er…" Don't you say it. Don't you dare say it. "...who have sex!"

I winced.

Just shoot me. Shoot me now.

"Oh yeah, lots and lots of it!" Oh great. There was more. "All the time! In all s-sorts of, um… places. My room. His room. Oh look," I pointed both my hands towards Lea's door, "there's his room now!" Make an excuse to leave. Any excuse. " I think we'll go in there now and make with all the sex!" Not that excuse! Pause, followed by tiny, nervous laughter from me. "Yup."

Then before I knew it, I'd bolted into said room, door crashing shut behind me. I pressed my back to it, clutching both hands to my mouth as I hyperventilated and trembled, eyes huge and unblinking as I stared off into space, registering absolutely zilch of what was in front of me now.

What.

Did.

Just.

Do?!

You know what, cheeks? I won't even try and stop you this time. You go right on ahead and blush your nonexistent little hearts out. Fry my face to a friggin' crisp, for all I care. I won't judge. You have every right after… that. Whatever the heck that even was just now!

Oh gosh, had I really just gone on and on about, hrm… intimate relations? In front of Lea's brother? That... had to be... the most spectacular case of anxiety-induced word vomit to date from me yet! What was wrong with me? Who does that? No, seriously, I demand answers this instant, what in the everliving-

A soft knock at the door made me yelp and jump away, whipping around to face it, heart trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest. I was greeted by my own frazzled reflection staring back at me from the full-length mirror hanging there. My face could have been mistaken for a ripe, oversized tomato.

"...El?" Lea's muffled voice came through from the other side. "You might've, uh… kinda forgot something."

A crease formed between my eyebrows. Forgot something? No, I don't think so. I glanced down at myself, hands patting over my dress. Phone in pocket? Check. Shoes on feet? Check. No purse, I hadn't used one tonight. No coat, I'd thought it too warm out for it. My gaze settled on the door once more, eyes scrunching. "What did I forget?"

"...me?"

Oh.

Fudge.

After that, ah… stirring speech I'd just given out there a moment ago, it would certainly help drive the point home if I had him in here with me, wouldn't it?

After all, it took two to, ahem... tango.

As I reached a hand towards the doorknob, I realized I hadn't even locked it. Lea must have only been knocking to be considerate. A consideration I greatly appreciated, especially when you take into account that this was in fact his room that I'd taken sanctuary in. Taking a deep breath and expelling it slowly in one last ditch effort to calm my nerves, my still shaking fingers closed around the knob and twisted.

I cracked the door ajar about an inch, just barely enough for me to peek one eye through. Arms crossed and one shoulder propped against the doorframe, Lea tilted his head with a tiny smile, "Hey."

My gaze fell to my feet for a moment before flicking back up to meet his. "...hi."

"Can I come in?"

I hesitated for another heartbeat then nodded, pulling the door open further and taking a couple steps back. He turned his head to one side, calling out a quick, "Night, man!" to Saïx before walking in and closing the door.

Ah, awkward silence. Ye hath returned. Never could stay away from me for long, could you?

"So…" I hugged myself and decided to get into a staring contest with the floor. "...think he likes me?"

Lea snerked, folding one arm behind his back, hand hooking his opposite elbow as he leaned back against the mirror hanging from his door. "You kidding? He adores you. Practically ready to call ya sister-in-law."

I attempted a smile. It came across as more of a grimace. "Even after I was… all…"

"...smooth and cool as a cucumber?" he supplied, his voice chipper. "Absolutely! And you said you couldn't lie," he teased. "You handled that one like a total pro!"

...oh. Wow, he was right. Not about the "pro" part, obviously, but that I had lied. For the first time since this whole charade started, I'd told a straight out, bald-faced lie. It had been a monumental failure, to be sure, but hey… we all had to start somewhere. Guess I had to take my silver linings wherever I could.

"Gah, I should have just made up some sort of… of excuse or something." I started pacing slowly, eyes still downcast as I brought one hand up to chew on my thumbnail. "Said I couldn't stay because I had an opening shift tomorrow."

He shook his head, "Saïx knows you work at the mall with me, so he also knows I woulda happily driven ya over from here, even at the crack of dawn."

Frowning, I tried again, "Well then, I could have said that… ah! That you had an early test tomorrow so I shouldn't be keeping you up late!"

"Nah, he knows me too well," he smirked, waggling his eyebrows. "Knows I'd never let a lil thing like that stop me."

I blinked. Then I buried my face in my hands with a groan. "Oh god, I can never face him again. Not after that." Dragging my palms down to peek out between my fingers, I grumbled, "I'm guessing it's safe to assume he's retracted his 'woman of obvious intelligence and sophistication' comment." Ha. Showed what Saïx knew.

Shrugging one shoulder, he laughed, "I wouldn't worry 'bout it too much. Just another side of your kookiness that I mentioned earlier. 'Sides, he knows what a nervous, jumpy creature you are."

Up quirked one eyebrow. "...he does?"

"Well, he does now."

...fair point.

One that did not make me feel better.

"And look at the bright side," Lea continued. "It's good this happened here rather than in front of your folks! Now you'll be better prepared to handle it the next time it comes up."

My lips twisted sourly, "I guess so." As bad as this already was, it would have spelled utter disaster if that little freakout had occurred during the upcoming weekend with my parents. We're talking one epic catastrophe here, like meteor-taking-out-the-dinosaurs kind of catastrophe. Then again, I didn't particularly see this exact set of circumstances arising while I was around my family. Still… best to be on the safe side. I wrinkled my brow, "Better prepared… how?"

"Ah, well…" he pursed his lips to one side, tapping a finger against his other arm. "For starters… and I'm just spitballing here, but next time you could maybe just, ya know… not say the word sex repeatedly? If at all? I'm thinking this is 'less is more' kinda situation."

"...good call."

"Heh," he paused, rubbing his shoulder. "So... looks like we're bunkmates."

I lowered my gaze once more and brought my curled fingers up to my mouth, covering my deepening frown. "Yeah… looks like…"

I wish we were real.

Gah, why was I still even thinking about that?! Lea had already explained it, hadn't he? Realtors. The word he had actually said, had been in the middle of saying, was realtors. It was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just the ramblings of a guy who'd had a little too much to drink. Why was I still stuck on this?

My face must have been an open book. "Listen, I… meant what I said earlier," he spoke abruptly and my eyes darted up to lock on his. He averted his gaze and scratched his cheek, "You can't take anything I say too seriously when I've been drinking. Often my brain is just stringing random words together and spitting out the first arbitrary bullshit it can come up with. Like a toddler that's just learned to talk, regurgitating words it doesn't even understand just cuz it heard it from someone else at some point. Half the time, the things I say when I'm liquored up don't even make any sense." His eyes settled on me once more, this time accompanied by a weak smile. "So just don't be too… concerned about any gibberish that came blurting outta my stupid drunk mouth, 'kay? And you won't hear another peep of it tonight. Those two coffees are kicking in fast, so I'm much more clear headed now."

I tugged at my braid before folding my arms tightly together once more. "...okay."

And now onward to Act 1, Scene 2 of the award-winning and critically acclaimed musical: Awkward Silence.

"I have a lizard!"

My head rocked back at Lea's sudden declaration out of nowhere, both eyebrows shooting up my forehead. "...a lizard?"

He nodded eagerly, grinning big now. "Yeah! Wanna see? Come take a look!" He moved off to his left towards one corner of the room and for the first time I realized that there was a large glass terrarium situated on a long, low table in that spot. Lea squatted down next to it, waving me over to join him. I obliged and when I got close enough, he took hold of my hand and tugged me down into a crouch beside him. He squinted into the enclosure for a second, scanning all the rocks and plants inside before, "Ah-ha!" He pointed, tapping his finger against the glass, "There he is!"

And indeed, there he was, curled up inside a small, hollowed out log and blinking back at us. He was a tiny thing, all big eyes and blue skin except for the purple markings running down his back. "Oh wow," I slowly smiled, "you really do have a lizard. Why didn't you say anything last time I was here?"

"Cuz 'come into my bedroom so I can introduce you to my lizard' sounds a lil sketch, don'tcha think?" he chuckled, waggling his pointer finger up and down at his pet in greeting.

A soft snort. "Yeah, that might have earned you a dubious look." The critter crawled out into the open now, giving us a curious look. "Can I hold him?"

Lea flashed some dimple, "Course!" Straightening up, he moved the terrarium's lamps to one side before sliding out the lid and reaching inside, mumbling, "C'mere, Bruni." Picking the reptile up, he then offered him to me, "Now, the lil guy's usually shy at first but warms up quick and can be a bit of a flirt."

I stood as well, holding one hand out. Bruni cautiously put one stubby-toed foot on my fingers, eyeing me warily before fully walking the rest of the way into my palm. He was small enough to fit perfectly in it. Then he cocked his head up at me. I cocked mine back then hummed a low laugh, stroking a finger along the top of his head. That seemed to be all it took to win him over, for he then bellyflopped into a cuddle against my palm before rolling over onto his back.

"Bit of a flirt indeed," I murmured, rubbing his tummy with my fingertip. "What kind is he?"

"Salamander. Which, I know, technically not a lizard. But feels simpler most of the time just telling people that's what he is." He fell silent for a second, eyes crinkling as he watched us. Then he walked past me, saying, "Hey, welcome to my room by the way!"

I turned to face him and for the first time got a real good look at the place. If I had to pick one word to describe it, that word would be pandemonium.

Clothes were strewn about everywhere, covering floor and furniture alike - pretty much anywhere conceivable besides actually inside a dresser. Bookshelves stacked high with no rhyme or reason, textbooks next to movie DVDs (from action thriller to cornball classics) next to game CD cases next to vinyl records. Walls and ceiling plastered with posters, mostly of classic rock bands, but there was the occasional renegade: one here in which a dangerous looking man posed with an Assassin's Creed logo across the bottom, another one there depicting a grim reaper character dual-wielding sickles that looked to be from another video game of some sort. A queen-sized bed with black and red sheets buried beneath a mess of paper and more textbooks, along with a closed laptop and his shoulder bag tossed carelessly on top of it all.

And that was just barely scratching the chaotic surface. Needless to say, it was a lot to take in.

"Pardon the mess," he gave a rueful chuckle, scrambling to snatch clothes up off the carpet here and there to chuck into the laundry basket residing in his open closet, just under a black, full-length coat hanging from the rung in there. "Wasn't expecting any overnight visitors."

"It's, uh…" So many adjectives, so little time. As I searched for a word, I felt Bruni crawling up my sleeve. I kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't slip, but otherwise let him do his own thing. At last, I settled on, "...big."

"Yup! I got the masters! Comes complete with its own bathroom and everything," he jerked a thumb towards a second closed door on the other side of the room. By now, Bruni had found his way onto my shoulder and was snuggling into the crook of my neck. My fingers came up to pet along his spine. Narrowing his eyes on the salamander, Lea went on, "Surprisingly, Saïx prefers the smaller, cozier room. He's a minimalist, so not like he needs all that much space anyhow. Which works out for me, especially since I used to, er… heh, shall we say, host more sleepovers?"

I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth, but whatever I'd been about to say was forever lost.

For that's when Bruni did it.

He took the plunge.

Straight down into the neckline of my dress.

I yelped, arms crossing over my bosom. Lea's eyes widened, "Motherfu-" He lunged forward, hands outstretched before him like he had every intention of going down in there after Bruni. Then Lea froze, seemed to think better of it and instead folded his arms together, shoving his hands into his armpits as he looked away. "You, uh…" he cleared his throat, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, "...you okay?"

"Yeah. Just tickles a bit," I wrinkled my nose, trying not to squirm as I felt the little guy climbing around against my chest. Thankfully, it wasn't long before he moved over to start making his way down my sleeve. I gave my arm a gentle shake to help speed his progress along and eventually he came tumbling out into my palm.

"Sorry 'bout that," Lea scooped him back out of my hand into his, using the other to ruffle his hair with a tiny, bashful smile. "I know I said he was a flirt, but he's never been this brazenly forward before."

Shaking my head with a snerk, I said, "It's fine, really. Don't worry about it."

Walking back over to the terrarium, he turned a scowl onto the salamander. "And what do you have to say for yourself, young man?" Bruni just answered with a lizard grin, flicking his tongue out to lick his own eyeball. "Smug lil shit," Lea grumbled, setting him back down inside his home.

One corner of my lips twitching up, I turned to take another look around his room. Despite Lea's hasty tidying up, his carpet was still a disaster zone of shirts and other garments. As I began to carefully navigate it, I asked, "So how are we doing this?"

"Doing…?" I could hear the frown in his voice.

I looked back at him. "Sleeping arrangements?"

"Oh! That's easy!" Having now set the lid and lamps back into their rightful places, Lea walked towards me with his grin resurfacing. "You get the bed, I'll take the floor."

My eyelids drooped. "You can't sleep on the floor, that's ridiculous. It's your room."

"Exactly!" he started clearing the papers up off his comforter, gathering them all together and tucking them away inside one of the textbooks. "It's my room, so I'll sleep wherever I want in it! And tonight, the floor's looking pretty damn good!"

I huffed. "Enough with the chivalry already. I'll sleep on the floor."

He picked up his laptop and made his way over to a large mound of clothes. Oh wait. There was a desk hiding under there, or so I realized as soon as he started shoving all the shirts and whatnot aside. Placing the laptop down on top of it, he then shrugged back at me, "Hey, if that'll make ya happy, more power to ya. Doesn't change the fact that I will not be taking my siesta in that bed tonight."

A low harrumph in my throat. "Fine."

"Fine," he agreed, now opposite the bed from me as he hung his bag from a wall hook there. Then he squinted one eye at me, "So it's settled then. We're both sleeping on the floor. Like the couple of rational, mature, grown-ass adults that we are. While the perfectly good bed goes to waste. Cuz that makes total sense."

I shot him a deadpan look. "Alright, fine then. Bruni gets the bed."

He slapped his forehead, dragging his hand down his face with an exasperated laugh. "C'mon, El, will you just take the bed please? I won't be able to fall asleep if I know you're just curled up on the floor."

"Sounds like not my problem," I crossed my arms with a smirk. Oh-ho, that's right. I could be stubborn when I wanted to be.

"Woman! Just take the freaking bed before I throw you in the damn thing!" both his hands gestured in mild annoyance at said bed.

Scoffing, I turned my head to one side. "Please, it's the twenty-first century, your neanderthal tactics won't work on me."

Green eyes flashing, he said in a low, even voice, "They will if I make good on 'em."

My gaze narrowed on him now. "You wouldn't dare."

He bent forward, fists planted on the mattress as he gave me a tiny glare across it. "Wanna bet?"

My legs turned traitor and defected, sitting me down on the bed so quick, you would have missed the motion if you'd blinked.

"There now," his face immediately lit up like the first rays of sunlight at dawn. "Was that so hard?"

I made a little hmph in my throat, tucking my legs beside me as I smoothed my dress over my knees with as much dignity as I could muster. "I'll have you know that I chose of my own free will to take the bed tonight and it had nothing to do with any thinly veiled threats that may or may not have been made on your part." I unzipped my ankle boots, letting them fall to the carpet below with a couple of heavy thuds. "I mean, I am the guest after all, it's only proper etiquette that I sleep in the bed. I'm just making sure you're adequately performing your role as the host."

A soft snerk came from his nose as he kicked off his own shoes and spread his arms wide to give me a mock bow, "Well, thank you, Miss Manners, I dunno what I'd ever do without you."

"You're welcome," I sniffed lightly. It was nice of him to let me have this. I then felt the bed quake beneath me as Lea flopped down beside me, stretching out comfortably and cushioning his head with his arms. I blinked down at him. "...I'm sorry, did that conversation just end differently than I thought it did?"

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Hm?"

"Thought you were taking the floor."

"I am, but that's not until lights out. Right now, we're just chilling!" he beamed. But then his expression relaxed and he propped himself up slightly on his elbows, cocking his head at me. "This is okay, right?"

"Er…" I glanced away, gnawing on my bottom lip.

Yeesh, I seriously needed to grow up. This wasn't a big deal. Like, at all. So what if we were sitting in the same bed? Nothing to freak out about. I mean, sure, I'd never shared a bed with a guy before, not even my ex. Come to think of it, I'd never even been in a boy's bedroom before. But hey, there was a first time for everything. This would be fine. I would be fine.

"...yeah, it's okay," I finally responded. He frowned, not looking convinced. I put on my best brave smile and managed a tiny laugh, "Really, it's fine." Or at least it would be once we stopped talking about it. Wanting to move the conversation along to something else, I searched my brain for a new topic. "So… you and Saïx…" I drew my knees up, hugging them to my chest, "...do you always mess with each other like that?"

"Oh yeah, all the time," he chuckled, settling back down into his pillow and folding one arm back behind his head. "Nothing says you care like making the other person's life a constant living hell!"

Settling my chin down onto my knees, I snorted. "Remind me never to let you care about me."

"Too late!" he chirped. My eyeroll belied the tiny cartwheel my stomach was doing. "'Sides, all siblings are like that. I'm sure you and Anna have terrorized the crap outta each other more times than you can even count."

"Well yeah," I turned my head to look over at him, resting my ear to my legs instead, "but that was way back when we were children. We grew out of it a long time ago."

Lea grinned cheekily, "Oh really? I seem to recall a certain someone chasing her sister 'round the living room trying to straight up murder her dead not hardly more than a week ago."

Wow, had that really only been just last week? It felt like eons ago by this point. A soft noise of contempt huffed out through my nose, "Don't exaggerate. I didn't try to murder her."

"How did it go again? ...ah, I believe your exact words to her were, and I quote, 'dip you in liquid nitrogen, snap every frozen limb off your body one by one, and then I'll kill you.' That about sum it up?"

I pursed my lips to the right, "...there were extenuating circumstances."

"Heh," he stared up at the ceiling, "if ya say so."

I lifted my head back up, my arms loosening somewhat around my legs as I considered my next words carefully. "About Saïx… can I ask what happened?" Lea glanced back at me quizzically and I clarified, "I mean with…" I tapped a finger to the bridge of my nose.

"Oh, his scar?" he rolled over onto his side towards me, bracing his head in one hand. "Old battle wound from our time in the foster system. Same shithead who let us two numbskull brats play with a chainsaw. Negligent and abusive. Real winning combo there, huh?"

"You mean a foster parent did that to him? On purpose? That's terrible," I breathed, looking horrified.

"S'okay," he gave a one-shouldered shrug, then smirked wickedly. "I retaliated by burning his house down."

My eyes widened, "Did you really?"

Lea sighed, "Unfortunately, no, but not for lack of trying. Only managed to set a bed ablaze and blacken a few curtains before the fire department showed up."

I stared at him blankly. "I am just... simply amazed that you survived long enough to make it to adulthood. Either of you."

He blew out an amused pft through his teeth. "Yeah, Saïx and I were definitely prime candidates for the Darwin Awards growing up. Told ya, we were lil hellions forged straight from the fiery pits of El Diablo. Hey, speaking of Ol' Bullseye over there..." he trailed off as he suddenly sat himself up.

"Bullseye?" I asked, arching an eyebrow his way while watching him fold his legs beneath himself so he could stand on his knees atop the mattress.

"Ya know. Mr. X-Marks-The-Spot," he tacked on by way of explanation, abruptly shoulder-slamming into the wall behind us just above his pillows and making me jolt.

...the heck?

"...you mean Saïx?" I furrowed my brow, wincing as he followed it up by crashing his elbow against the wall next. "Aren't those nicknames a bit… mean?" My question was punctuated with another loud thump.

Seriously, what on earth…?.

"Nah, he likes it." Whack! "Knows they're terms of endearment." Bang! "Only from me though. Anyone else ever even so much as thought about calling him anything like that, I'd make sure next time they turned up would be in a bodybag." Whump! "'Sides, you should hear half the shit he calls me, especially when he's royally ticked." Thwack! "This one time, he-"

"Wait. Hold it. Stop," I held up my hands, eyes flicking back and forth between him and the wall. "...what exactly is it that you are doing?"

"Huh?" he stilled, blinking at me a couple times. "Oh this?" his shoulder rammed into the surface once more. "This is the wall I share with Saïx's room."

...well okay then, sure, that totally and one hundred percent cleared up my utter confusion and lack of comprehension.

Not.

"Alright," I said, stretching the word out. "And so…?"

"So he's come to expect a certain level of enthusiasm on my part whenever I'm entertaining a lady friend," Lea winked and clicked his tongue before once again striking the wall.

"Oh?" I frowned down at my hands. Then it clicked with another louder, "Oh!" Followed by a slower, more quiet, "Oh…" Cheeks warming now, I looked back over at him, "You mean you… that is, against the wall, you've… oh." A pause while my eyes shifted about in my awkwardness. "But wouldn't the headboard get in the-" I stopped, glancing back over my shoulder and answering my own question. "Oh… oh, I see. No headboard. Got it. How very, er..." I cleared my throat and ducked my head to my knees, muffling into them, "...very practical."

I heard him snerk as the beating the wall was taking continued. "You're funny when you're flustered, ya know that?"

My face cranked up the heat dial even further and I scowled.

If you listened closely, the signs of a very steady, very distinct rhythm to the pounding could be heard beginning to take shape.

...I needed to stop listening so closely.

My eyebrows knit together as I then remembered something. "Wait… didn't Saïx say something about noise canceling headphones?"

"Well yeah, so he's not hearing any of this, but he can still see whenever any of the crap on his shelves or any framed pictures or anything else that might be up against his side o' the wall shakes from the impact," he shrugged, halting to puff out a noisy breath and wipe his forehead with the back of his hand. Apparently, he was working up a sweat. Then he grinned brightly, "This is actually kinda fun! Wanna have a go at it?"

I shot him a flat look. "...I think I'm good, thanks."

"You sure?" Another slam. "It's actually pretty satisfying. One might even say cathartic. Got any pent-up aggression you gotta work out?" And another, this one taking the form of a punch. He immediately regretted that one, eliciting a pained hiss as he shook out his now reddening fingers.

"Yeah, no," I rapidly shook my head, "no pent-up aggression here. Fresh out." Insert weak chuckle at my lame joke that was neither funny nor an actual joke.

"Suit yourself," he laughed, smacking the wall hard with an open palm this time. Then his back snapped straight and his face lit up, "Oh yeah! Before I forget…" he pivoted to his left, reaching into his messenger bag he'd hung up earlier and rooting around in it.

I snorted, "Done already?"

"Just giving that wall a breather," he said, not looking up from his searching. "We've found some other surface to bear the brunt of all our lovemaking for now, but we'll probably be back to this one later."

Oh gosh. Way to go, mouth, you just had to ask, didn't you? Just when my cheeks had begun settling down too.

"Ah! Found it!" he triumphantly pulled something out of the bag. Flopping back down to once more lay flat on the bed beside me, he held it out towards me, "Pour vous, ma petite amie jolie."

I squinted at the booklet in his hand. Or more precisely, a catalog. "Twilight University?" I read the bold lettering as I reached out to take it, staring at the image on the cover of a handful of young adults gathered around in a small circle of desks and looking photogenically excited about education.

"Yup! It's the course listings for next semester at my college. Lookie here," he opened the booklet up, leaving it propped in my hands as he started thumbing through it quickly. "Ah, there!" he stopped on a page, resting his head on my shoulder as he pointed to one of several listings that had been circled here. "They offer a few different introductory drama classes ya might be interested in."

I blinked down at the catalog as vague memories of a conversation I'd had with Lea last time I was here to help him study started coming back to me. "...you remembered?" I asked quietly.

"'Course!" I could feel his cheek pull into a smile against my shoulder. "It seemed important to you, so how could I forget?"

Honestly? I myself had forgotten. But to be fair, I had had a lot on my mind the past couple weeks, what with suddenly having a boyfriend now (pretend or otherwise), trying to figure out how to make a proper show of being a girlfriend, and stressing out over the all too soon to come visit with my parents. Frankly, my life had been turned upside down as of late and had become the very definition of insanity. There had just quite simply been no time to think about childhood fantasies of singing and performing in musicals.

But I guess… right here, right now in Lea's room, I had a bit of a reprieve. I mean, it's not like there was anything exactly pressing at this very moment, nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow at least. I suppose I had a few seconds I could spare to entertain the thought. It couldn't hurt anything…

"...so where is Twilight University exactly?" I stretched my legs out to lay flat on the mattress, crossing my ankles and resting the open booklet down in my lap. "Is it close to my apartment?"

He hummed low in thought. "Probably a bit too far if you're on foot. But maybe we could carpool there. And hey," he lifted his head to glance over at me, "I still got a free elective course or two that I need to take. I could enroll in the class with ya!"

I felt a grin tugging at one corner of my lips as I looked back down at the catalog, absently trailing my fingers down one of the circled paragraphs. "I think I'd like that…"

"Yeah?" he asked softly and for a second I thought I might have sensed him leaning in a little closer. But it must have just been in my head, for now he was pulling away to flop over onto his back on his side of the bed once again, making a small cough into his fist. "I, uh… talked to my friends too. The ones who run the local community theater. You're in luck! They're between shows at the moment and are actually gonna be holding auditions soon for their next one. Sometime this week, I think. It's a musical too!"

"Really?" I returned my gaze to him, closing the booklet but using a finger to hold the page. A sigh then escaped me as I worried my bottom lip between my teeth, "I don't know… I doubt I'm ready for anything like that."

Lea shook his head with a chuckle, "Ready for what? Just to talk to 'em? It's not like you actually hafta audition or anything. Nah, you can just head down, meet them, get some deets… maybe find out the where and the when so you can go and just watch other people tryout, ya know? Just get a feel for it, if you want."

He made a good point. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious. I could go and just ask some questions, that's all. Surely, there would be no harm in that. "Maybe…"

"Well if you do decide you wanna drop in for a lil chat with them, their day job is over at Halloween Town in the mall. They should both be on the clock there around noon tomorrow. Ask for Jack or Sally and just tell 'em I sent ya," he jabbed a thumb into his chest with a big grin, "got it memorized?"

"Jack or Sally… okay," I nodded, responding with a small smile of my own. "I might do that. Thanks, Lea."

"Always happy to be of service! Now," he hopped up off the bed and made his way over to one of his shelves that was pure anarchy incarnate, "whaddya think? You up for a movie?"

The corners of my eyes crinkled and I set the catalog aside on the nightstand. "I could be. What are the options?"

He rubbed his chin, scrutinizing the mess crammed into the rack before pulling out a couple DVD cases, one from the top shelf and the other from somewhere in the middle. He held them up in either hand for me, "I'm thinking either Sixteen Candles or The Labyrinth. Thoughts?"

I looked between the two choices. Then my eyes scanned about the room and I frowned. "I'm thinking it's going to be hard to watch either of them without a TV."

"Without a-?" he blinked a couple times, looking over to his right. Then he sighed, "Hang on a sec," as he tossed the movies down onto the foot of the bed and made his way over to another towering pile of clothes against the wall directly across the room from his bed. "Watch and be amazed as I make a flat screen appear outta thin air in three… two…" he whipped the garments aside with a flourish, revealing the television beneath, "Ta-da!"

"Ah," I gave a polite clap and settled more comfortably down into his pillows, "I stand corrected. Though who needs movies when we have your amazing wizardry to keep us entertained?"

He scratched the back of his head, "Heh, it'd be a short magic show. 'Fraid I just got the one trick up my sleeve."

"Too bad." I paused, eyeing the DVD cases. "Make it a double feature?"

He snapped his fingers and snatched them both back up.

"Girl after my own heart. Pure genius."

Author's Note: Ah, yet another classic cliché for the books: our couple encounters one room, one bed for the night xD Also, fun fact: I started out this chapter stumped for what they should be talking about over dinner. Then I asked my bestie, who simply said: "gummi ships." And I just laughed it off at first, all "naw, that wouldn't make sense for this AU." But then it churned in my mind for a few minutes and I was like "wait… no… I think I can make this work…" And thus the Global Union for Multigalactic Mobility Investigation aka GUMMI Space Program aka NASA rip-off was born xD And further thus, Lea being an alien conspiracy-nut JUST for the sake of pissing of his space-loving half-bro was born xP Anyhoo! For those of you who haven't seen Frozen 2 yet (for shame, it's SO good, I demand you go out and watch it THIS INSTANT), Bruni the salamander is from that! He's a fire spirit in the movie with legit fire powers, so I got excited to give the fire boi a fire lizard for a pet! Also, maybe you can start to see the inklings of actual plot starting to sneak back into this story xD Slowly, we'll get back on course, but not before at least one more hijinks-y misadventure takes place… hehehe…

What does the next chapter hold in store for out couple? What new challenges could their budding fake relationship face? Is Elsa really going to pursue any sort of acting class or community theater? Will Lea ever follow his realtor aspirations he seemed so passionate about? Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

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