#feel like i dont have any choice rather than follow other people orders... and its not truth but it usually feels really limiting

[spaceless-vacuum]

Fandom‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ Legend of Zelda (age of calamity)

Pairing‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ Yandere!Calamity x reader

Word count‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ 3618

Summery‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ another prompt list thing, but this time its the revamped yandere alphabet ask game wich you can find here. i answered all of them and got a bit carried away.

Misc‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ not proofread at all I dont want to and you cant make me, stalking, kidnapping, Calamity has issues with the royal family and Zelda, i couldnt decide to place this before, during, or after the events of the game so its all a bet on which.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He is attached to you at the hip. It kind of throws everyone in for a loop because he follows you the same way he does the princess. Just trailing you around and making sure you  get to your house safe, oftentimes he'll even go inside to make sure that you're safe there too. He doesn't involve himself in your life at first, rather hes just happy to be able to spend time with you, even if you aren't aware he's there. It can be a bit strange at times with the way he doesn't talk and just stares off into the distance or the way everyone seems to talk about the two of you even when you're not even that close yet but he seems to enjoy spending time with you. It’s hard to push him away when all he’s doing is escorting you.

Which is where things start to shift. As he gets more comfortable with you he will start to open up more. It's easy to see where his knightly training begins and doesn't really stop (he joined them around the age of twelve or something?) but he isn't always some silent statue. Rather once he starts to open up it's hard not to notice.

The way he starts moving less mechanically around your house. Slouching on the couch next to you or mumbling curses under his breath when the food doesn't turn out just right. He makes the conscious choice to put on this facade to the public and around others so much so that when he takes it off he is already confessing his love to you. It’s impossible not to notice this fact with the way he is always around you and never says why. Just that he has a desire to keep you safe.

How intense this is is how much you fight back. Won’t allow yourself to be seen with him? He'll follow you from further behind. You avoid him? Impossible, he'll just ask around and say it's an order or something. Lock all your doors? He's already requested another key from a local smith. No matter how far you get he's not that far behind you. Especially not after the towers rise and he gets to teleport all over Hyrule.

:readmore:

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Yes. I feel like he would be almost numb to violence to the point that the only thing that stops him is his knightly training. He can't just fight someone out of the blue, he has to reason that they deserved it because they were terrible people already. This isn't hard for him to do but he does have to make a few steps to reason out what they've done however most if not all of it is done clean and efficiently. The war claims another life and no one bats an eye.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Absolutely not. Not even in a joking manner he finds that even when you jokingly pick on the ones you love it doesn't actually show that you love them; being kind no matter what is far more important than taking the time to get in a quick joke.

That being said he just does not care at all if you fight back or kick and scream because he sees it as a natural response to the situation. You won't win any of the fights and no one will ever hear your screams but he does understand why you're scared and he gives you your space. It's like having a new cat in the house. You can follow them as they explore their new home but picking them up may get you scratches!

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He would get a kick at making you dance with him by coercing you or promising to give you a small privilege back in return. He never gets the chance to dance a lot at the balls and parties that are thrown in Hyrule castle because he has to guard the princess but he loves to do so. Makes him feel like a proper knight courting someone and he likes to treat you with proper chivalrous attitudes and gifts while pretending this is a normal relationship.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

After the fighting is done he's a lot more open with how much he hated the part he played in the war with how useless he felt the whole time. Later he starts looking back on events like getting the mastersword and realises that everyone was wrong about him and he did do a lot of work. The fact that everyone sweeps him under the rug never goes unignored but he doesn't try to fight it much because to do so would mean fighting years worth of politics and the royalty of this decade being worse than Wild’s because they never had to admit that their plan with the guardians was the wrong way to go (cough Zelda cough) which means that any complaints fall on deaf ears. They won so that's all that matters, right?

If it's during the war he’s quiet and doesn't talk but it's really easy to tell what's on his mind. From the way he collapses next to you after a few days away fighting on the front lines or how he can't let go to say goodbye because he just ended then more minutes of this. You own his heart and it's written all over his actions but he doesn't say it much. You can tell what's up with him but not enough to know the details; all you can see are the broad strokes.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He does not care. You need time to adjust and that much is clear just don't hurt yourself or try to start an actual fight and you'll be allowed time and space to process your new arrangement.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Trying to escape or even planning an attempt is one of the worst things you can do with him. Calamity as a yandere is aware of his actions but just delusional enough to believe that you love him regardless/can learn to love him regardless. I feel like he wouldn't just up and abandon his duties but if you ran away he would have to until he could get you back. This is the most heartbreaking thing you can do with him because he needs the balance between home and work life and you were that outlet and after you leave he has to make a choice between his own selfish needs and his duty as a knight and hero. Regardless of what happens and if you're successful at walking away or not he will have a meltdown and the fallout if he manages to catch you will be severe. Even if it's not your fault someone has to take the blame for his leave of absence and he can hardly explain you away now can he?

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Depending on the type of person you are it can be one of three things his lack of expression on what he wants from you, him being unaware of how his manners and actions can come off as cold or cruel, or the fact that he truly does not care what you say to him he's convinced you're in love with him and just need time to settle down.

Like on one hand not knowing what this person wants from you and him never expressing it is scary but there's ways to work around it. His noncommittal town and the way he shrugs after every question is annoying but not hostile. The militaristic attitudes and cold gleam in his eye scares you more than how uncaring he is. It's unnerving how whenever you have a thought about acting up he stares at you with a wolf's grin; almost daring you to try him so he can show you how little it would matter. 

Lastly it's the delusions that get you the most. The way he acts as if this is just a nonuniform household where the homelife will just slowly get better. He expects you to be a stay at home lover with all the benefits that come with it. Hell sneaks up behind you for a kiss goodbye and gets confused as to why you move away. Him sneaking into your shared bed at night gives you a heart attack each morning because you never heard him come home much less slip into bed. Each time you show some amount of fear or hesitation genuinely doesn't register why you're upset at first. Like there is a literal brick wall between the man and what he's done. Of course he knows and the wall starts to crumble at times but is it staying up safer for you than the alternative?

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

A two story house with a white picket fence or the two of you travelling around Hyrule together without a care in the world. A vacation really. He just wants to live with you and get to know you and always have you by his side. Really as long as you're there with him he can settle into just about any routine.

Life isn't always so kind however. He is both tied to the royal family as a knight and unable to leave until the war is packed up, cleaned up, and the remains are nowhere to be seen because of his role as the hero and it being his job to help sort out this mess. Before and during the war he's too focused on trying to keep it all from falling apart that he can hardly give either of you a relaxing life away from it all; and afterwards he can't leave just yet. Maybe in a few years or something. Link will have to wait and see what the future holds.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Not only does this Link get really jealous but his way of coping is to just get a house somewhere away from everyone. Deep into a forest so that your only contact is his type of jealousy. It’s not really his fault he just can't help it. With all the monsters roaming around now, the calamity acting up, and the yiga clan assassins Calamity can not and will not risk losing you. Not his shining star.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Silent guardian or loving husband. He has two modes and I think that about sums it up. He is either falling back onto his knight training and acting like a blushing mess around you while trying to be quiet and cordial or he's holding onto you from behind layering kisses onto your neck talking about what to bring on the picnic he's planning. Once he comes out of his shell it’s hard for him to go back in. Link’s just so in love with you acting like you're already married feels so natural. The calming effect it has on him is another reason for locking you away from the rest of the world. He can hardly risk losing you, not after everything that's happened.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Time spent together is both a love language and a stalking habit for him. It may seem like he's acting out of the blue or like everyone knows about how he feels except for you and that's because he has far too much anxiety to approach you at first. People will see how he acts around you and connect the dots but he would rather fight a hundred boblokins than approach you so his main task is to stay out of your sight until he feels safe. Once he's over the pounding in his chest when he gets close he'll start to just hover around. At this point it's up to you to talk to him or make the first move because this man will do nothing to announce himself. He'll just follow you around until the day he kidnaps you and the whiplash will be so staggering due to the fact that he just assumes you'll happily live with him.

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Sort of? This isn't to say that his real personality is hiding away somewhere; rather , he does open up and talk to you more than he does other people. Zelda sees it sometimes, Revali likes to tease it out of him, and the other champions see it the most due to the time they all spend together. It's not like he  enjoys hiding or or his knightly demeanour is a facade but he does have more to him hiding away until it feels safe to let it free again.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Calamity would say that the punishment needs to be fitting of the crime so this would change depending on what you've done and the severity of the damage. Running away? You'll be chained to the bed or a wall until he's certain you won't again. Fighting him too much? Exposure therapy you have to lay with him on the bed for several hours while he cuddles you and plays with your hair. Got caught with a weapon? He'll take away all sharp objects including forks!

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

As many as it takes to get the job done. Link knows that you won't be happy as he slowly strips you of your autonomy but if he has to for the two of you to have a happy ending together he will.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He’s patient up until it starts becoming a problem. You can do whatever you want until it starts to have consequences. You can shout and holler all you want but if he gets a headache, you start to lose your voice, or if it gets a bit too loud and he's worried someone will hear you he'll put an end to it.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Nope! Even during the war with how many people just went missing or were lost to time he never gives up hope. He knows that you're out there somewhere. There's no way someone as sweet as you was left to rot in some field without him. The gods themselves would have to come down and relay the information before he would accept it.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He feels bad about the negative ways it seems to have affected you but he doesn't actually feel bad about abducting you. Just that he understands why you're upset and hates to see you in pain. You wouldn't be let go but he can be convinced to give you a shooter leash, to the point that the collar has almost fallen off. It takes a long time because he doesn't trust easy but Calamity can be talked into giving you free time alone and the option to walk around as you choose as long as he trusts you to stay one hundred percent.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

A mixture of how he was raised and needing an outlet for his emotions. That isn't to say he needs an outlet for negative emotions, far from that there's plenty of enemies on the field, instead he has all these soft spots he doesn't feel safe showing anyone but you. Kidnapping you is a knee jerk reaction from him due to having this strong feeling of adoration for this diamond among coal.

Joining the knights while twelve years old, thrown into the world of politics with no prior knowledge, trusting the higher ups absolutely only to watch as their plans fail and collapse in on themselves, and knowing that everyone sees him as a figure rather than a person makes you the anomaly. You're so sweet and kind and you don't even make fun of him or talk behind his back. Your smile feels so real that he can't let go. He needs you, he needs to feel like himself again.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

It hurts him but all of your actions as long as they seem like an appropriate response for the situation make him hurt but he can hardly stop you unless it becomes an issue. You need your time to heal and adjust just like he does. If he stopped you it would only send a message that your emotions aren't important as his comfort around those emotions. A situation he's all too familiar with; so he lets you do as you will so long as you stay happy and healthy overall.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Calamity would bring you so many trophies from his time spent in the war. A lynel horn from one that snuck into an outpost. He tells you exactly what happened and how he defeated it, and oh so happily shows off the blood stained trophy while you wonder if someone so sweet looking could really do something so violent. He'll keep them around the house along with a collection of other items that he's gathered over his time travelling around Hyrule. He likes to bring you parts of the outside world so you don't grow depressed while trapped inside the house.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

There are times he lets his guard down and those show that it is an option to try and get away, but let's be real here he can never truly let his guard down because of the stress of the world literally self destructing around him so it's pretty much impossible unless he's not around. Maybe the time he spends away from you is his biggest weakness but he can always get you back can't he?

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not on purpose. In his mind it's his job to protect you at all costs, no matter who he has to get through! Hurting you even as a form of punishment is not an option. He will find other ways around the issue because he could never bring himself to hurt you. Doesn't mean he can't intimidate you.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Oh ok so this might get a little sappy but he spends every moment he can daydreaming about you. When he picks up an item he thinks about showing it to you so you can see the same things he does. He'll attempt to include you into every little part of his life because that's how he wants you to treat him. He wants to get to know everything about you because all those little details about you fascinate him and make him fall deeper in love with you. Watching you stand across the kitchen choosing your favourite mug makes his heart skip a beat because he knows it's your favourite and he made you clean it so you would have it this morning. His acts of love language are acts of service (such as watching over you or proving himself as courageous enough) and giving you love in the same way he wants to be loved.

He knows he can't bring you along on his adventure but he still wants you there. He can't place you in danger but him being Link is more than a title to him and the way that everyone treats it as a thing someone can fit into rather than who he is as a person makes him upset. This is to say he would like to bring you along on trips to camp and show you the countryside like he could have in breath of the wild but he is unable to in this timeline. Making bringing you items from his trips back the only way he can break this barrier without leaving you  in or near an active warzone.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Several months. He can last a few months before realising you are the sun to his moon and he has to protect that light or else he might lose it forever.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

No! He doesn't want you to break, he wants you to love him as much as he loves you. This might not be entirely possible but he knows you can try. Maybe if all things work out you can even have a somewhat normal relationship if you don't mind all the rules you  have to follow. It is dangerous to go alone after all.

#eye write #yandere legend of zelda #yandere link x reader #hyrule warriors age of calamity #hero of the calamity #link x reader #legend of zelda #yandere x reader #Calamity #ask game #yandere alphabet

[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 56- Ancient Quarrels

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU, designs, ideas belongs to @theguardiansofredland)

Ex returns home with new friends, but struggles with the reality that his old stomping grounds have grown up without him, all while learning more about the history of dark magic.

-----------------------------------------

“I thought I told you to come alone.” Xisuma states, staring at the rainbow haired twins. No matter how much the two try to blend in, the ever shifting colors of their locks always stand out. 

“I thought you could use the help. You clearly need it if you reached out to me.”  Ex steps off the pirate ship, followed by the king and his brother. Ex tries his best to keep his gaze on the ground at his feet, the grass, sand, and dirt. He doesn’t want to see what Xisuma and all his friends have done to the safe haven they found together. As brothers. He doesn’t want to see what he's missed, what he’s been too afraid to claim for his own. He doesn’t want to see how much time has changed the island he once called home. 

But Ex stumbles over a rock, his books scattering from his arms, while he plummets to the ground. He could let go of his remaining scrolls and books, but these articles are ancient and invaluable. He’d rather break his nose than let go of them. 

Lucky for Ex, he doesn’t have to choose. One of the hermits grabs him before he gets a mouthful of dirt. Ex opens his eyes, forced to look at the island. And he sees everything. 

It looka exactly the same. It looks completely different. The grounds were the same- the same rocky shores, soft beaches, hills, forest, even the lake at the center on the north side of the island. The grass the same green color, the sky the same blue, the distant mist and waves dancing together. But dotting the island now stood a menagerie of buildings. Where there used to only be the tower of stone he and X built, now a glass biodome rests on one side, a barn on the other. Smoke rolls free from the chimney of a weaponsmith’s house, and just off the island a cloud floats low, the white tower upon it open to the breeze of the sea. 

Ex collects his books, and slinks off to the guild hall. Sor follows Grian to help with Apatia, to make the decision on how to move forward with his recovery. Tris follows behind Ex, taking in the open sea and sky. So unlike Milliara. 

It was exactly that which drew the void twins here in the first place. They dared enter the Ashioll sea because it was quiet, peaceful, unlike Milliara. Back when there were only two- they didn’t need anyone more. They didn’t want anyone more. In the end, Ex got to be alone, moreso than ever. Without even a brother. 

Being back on Eremita was painful, but as a healing wound would be. For the first time in years, his brother reached out to him. For the first time, they were putting aside the argument so long ago and working together. Like they did when they were young. 

At the same time, both X and Ex set out their books on the same table. At the same time, like mirror images of one another, they set out their maps, their inkwells, their quills, even their books ordered the exact same way. The similarities between the two were uncanny, leaving the hermits baffled as they watch them. If it wasn’t for Ex’s white hair, it’d be impossible to tell them apart. 

Ex speaks first, pulling the red fabric of his cloak away from his face so the hermits can hear him. “The last known insurgence of dark magic was over a thousand years ago. Before Lairyon became a kingdom, near the end of the ancient ones’s time. As we all know, Addows is the only place that still has significant and readable history of the ancient ones. Everything disappeared just like them.” 

“And no one knows why.” Tris adds in, sitting down and plucking a book. He flips through the pages. “The ancient ones had magic more powerful than most wizards. Very few forms of ancient powers survive today- including angelic magic.” 

The hermits look at Grian, but he simply shrugs. He knows nothing about the ancient ones, just that they’re… well, ancient. Iskall speaks up, resting his cheek on his hand. “Could it be that it was the dark magic that wiped them out?” 

Both of the void twins and Tris shake their head, and begin to answer at the same time. Ex and X glare at one another, and Tris takes the moment to answer instead. “No, it’s not like there’s a sign of a fight, or a struggle, or anything. Just...one day they were all over this kingdom, and then- poof, gone.”

“But the ancient ones weren’t the only people here. The kiplings have been living in these waters longer than anyone. And if we cross reference the information King Sormena gave me access to in the royal library, and the deep sea libraries of the Kiplings, we can start to get an inkling of understanding.”

“My gods you’re so boring even now.” Xisuma groans. “We dont need the whole story, and Lairyon doesn’t have time. What did you learn and how can we use it to defeat Dolios?” 

“Well…” Ex bits his lip. “We didn’t learn how they defeated the dark magic all those times before. But we did find the location of one of their lost cities. Tris and I believe it could even be the ancient capital of theirs.” 

The hermits groan, some even dramatically flopping back in their chairs. It seems all they ever have are breadcrumbs, leading them around in circles all across Lairyon. TFC speaks up first, though even he seems exhausted. “It’s better than nothing. It’s our only hope at this point. So where is it?” 

“Tris had pinpointed the general location of the lost city in the Ashioll Fjords, but together we were able to determine the exact location.” Ex plucks a quill from the table, dipping the tip in the ink and marking one of the many divots and crests of the northernmost part of Lairyon. All the hermits lean in, peering at the location. It looks no different from any other part of the fjords, or even the rest of Lairyon. 

“If anyone knows how to defeat Dolios’s dark magic, it has to be the ancient ones.” Etho states. “They did it before, we just have to do it again.”

It gives the hermits hope to know this isn’t the first time, they aren’t the only ones in all of history to face dark magic. Ex looks up at the hermits, a question that’s been dancing in his mind finding its way to his tongue before he can stop it. “Why did you guys ever decide to do this? What in the world made you guys think you could take on a dark wizard? Be the chosen few like the ancient ones?”

The hermits look at one another, as if they’d find an answer in the stares and faces of their peers. But no one has the answer. Though Joe is more than willing to come up with his own. “Perhaps, in this story, there are no chosen ones. No destiny or prophesied heroes. Perhaps it is just by the choice of normal man, who chooses to make a difference, who chooses to stand up and fight, that is really what makes a hero?” 

“Is this what I missed when I left?” Ex questions Xisuma, who nods solemnly.

“What will we find in the lost city?” Grian questions. 

“I dunno, it’s lost.” Tris quips, causing Grian to blush when he realizes his question. “But if it’s anything like Addows, you should be prepared for ancient ones magic and the stone buildings they made their cities from. Apart from that- you just gotta look in the right place.” 

The hermits realize they’re going in on this blind. Once again, they have little more than a hope, a thread of a lead, taking them somewhere in search of answers. Whether it was Gildara, or the Champion’s Cup, or even the Forest of Memories, they’ve always been chasing the same specter of knowledge. Hoping to find something more. 

“But you won’t be alone this time.” Ex points out. The hermits turn to face him, his face so familiar, yet so vastly different. “King Sormena volunteered to go along with you, to give aid on your search.” 

Tris averts his gaze, his jaw set tight at the mention of his brother joining the hermits. Doc raises his hand, almost condescending. “Won’t Dolios notice the king is gone?” 

“He’s not in Milliara right now. The Wanderers informed me of that- where he is, I don’t know, but this is a rare opportunity that we can’t waste. You’ll need every mind and magic to figure out the puzzles and clues that the lost city may have. I’d best get packing if i were you guys.” 

Groups disperse off, back to their homes, caves, ships, and clouds. Once again preparing, as a whole guild, to go off on another adventure. Even Tris disappears, either to go find and argue with his brother, or get a pint of beer from Cleo. But one person stays behind. 

Xisuma doesn’t ever look directly at his brother, but he always turns his head just slightly to be able to see Ex shuffling papers. His body is aimed out from the guild hall, looking over, across the island of Eremita. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, X speaks up. “Will you be able to take care of Apatia while we’re gone? I don’t think he can go back to Milliara with you.” 

Ex raises an eyebrow. It almost sounds like an invitation to stay on the island. Almost. “I guess if no one else will, I can offer my help. And glean information from him about the magistrate. Perhaps I can talk to Ian about engineering a prosthesis… Kiplings aren’t really meant to live without their fins.” 

The void mage shakes his head, listening to his brother continue to ramble on under his breath. So many years apart, and yet the same old Ex. For the first time in years, after so long hating his twin, refusing to talk to him, removing every sign he ever existed on this island, now he’s standing in their guild hall. And for the first time in years, Xisuma feels like he can let go of the anger and tension from that fight so long ago. 

Ex steps up beside Xisuma, and the two gaze over Eremita. They watch as Keralis and Zedaph round up sheep for their midday meal, Iskall, Mumbo, and Grian arguing over what kind of redstone they could possibly need on their journey, Wels and False sharpening the blades of their own weapons and others. 

He doesn’t want to admit it, but Eremita looks more alive than it ever was when it was just the two of them. The colors of all different wizards, from all walks of life. All a part of this guild that Xisuma has found. All this, that Ex was afraid of. “You’ve done a good job building yourself a home. Finding yourself a family. Guess you didn’t really need me.” 

Xisuma turns, and removes his mask. For the first time in years, Ex can see his brother's face. They can both see the scars they left on each other. On their skin and in their hearts. Xisuma’s fingers run along the scratched out marking in the metal. Wishing he could take that fit of anger back and fix it. “I didn’t do this without you, though. When I wasn’t sure what to do, it was always your annoying voice that guided me to the right decision.” 

“We have the same voice.” Ex points out. 

“Exactly. No matter what, no matter what I did, you were still with me, a part of me. But when I didn't know what to do, I thought about what you would choose. And it always led me in the right direction. Even though you weren’t here, I still needed you. I still needed my brother.” 

To hear that word come from Xisuma’s mouth, to hear him call Ex that- brother. All these years, all he ever wanted was his brother back. To have a family again. Ex can feel tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, but he doesn’t want his brother to see him crying over such a simple thing. “I think it’ll be nice to have a family again. It...it feels good to be home.”

#hermitcraft #hermitcraft au #light of lairyon #wizard hermits #wizard au #hermitcraft fanfic #wizard xisuma #wizard ex #xisuma #evil xisuma #wizard tfc #wizard etho #tinfoilchef #ethoslab

[mcu-fan-fics-blog]

The Helping Hand

This is a Repost from my Ao3 I wanted to bring it to Tumblr. I hope you like it Its currently 5 chapters I will be uploading the rest throughout the rest of the week.

Word count: 2400 approx

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.3

Chapter 4: Age of Ultron pt.1

Ch.5

It has been a couple of days since your last dose. You were starting to feel the withdrawal and were not having it. "Y/N are you even listening to me?" You snap out of your thoughts turning to face Logan. "Of course in listening to Logan this is also important to me." You stand up and walk towards him "Don't you ever question that again."

You notice Logan flinch at your words, you hurt him. You look at the floor "I'm sorry Logan it's just been a couple of days since..." He nods and looks at you reassuringly "I thought you had gotten a handle on it." You sigh as you sit on the couch with him sitting next to you. "I'm an addict Logan we both know there's no controlling that." He holds your hand. 

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have kept giving them to you when Howard adopted you." You hold his cheek and clean the tear rolling down his cheek. "It's not your fault the Oxy it was just… your way to keep seeing me. It's not like I gave you much choice in the matter."

You were given Oxycodone at a young age… It was a mistake you were taking it for a couple of days before the nurse noticed. Hoping to cover her mistake she told no one and gave you extra to help with withdrawal. She probably never thought about it again, after all she was never going to see you again. There were no parents in the picture so no repercussions fell on her. It a shame you couldn't say the same of yourself. 

Logan was a couple of years older when he noticed your "habits" 15,16 maybe. He just wanted to help. Unbeknownst to you both, you just made it worse. You were able to hide or play off your addiction, for anyone looking in from the outside you were a normal kid. In Sokovia let’s just say the practice always had inventory. "Do you need me to get you a contact… I still know some people." Logan says looking forward." You swallow hard. "I… I need one bottle. Logan, I want to stop, but just having it on hand helps." 

"I'll be there every step of the way Y/N" Finally you let out a tear… as soon as one falls you come undone. Quietly crying while Logan holds you. "Logan you are the one person who knows all of me… Thanks for not running for the hills." He laughs "I couldn't even if I wanted to you're my sister, my family." He nudges you "Plus I'm also not the easiest person." you Laugh At Him. Your phone rings and you're quick to answer. "Y/N Krast who is this?"

"It’s Pepper, Y/N. I hope I haven't interrupted you." You mouth to Logan that it's Pepper, you put the call on speaker telling him to be quiet. "It's okay Pepper, you didn't interrupt anything what is it." She sighs and starts talking. "We need your help… Tony needs your help." You begin to worry, taking the phone off speaker and talking to Pepper. 

"What's going on Pepper you're worrying me." She just takes a deep breath and continues. "There's an Iron Suit waiting for you outside." You nod and hang up. Make your way to the office. "Logan If you could please get that for me all be back soon." Logan nods and waves you off. Sure enough, there was an Iron suit outside just kinda standing there waiting for you. 

As soon as you step in you're greeted by Pepper in the coms. "Just enjoy the ride see you soon." The ride was quiet but it just got you more on edge for what was waiting for you. Once you land you are greeted by a waiting Pepper. "Hey what's going on, I'm starting to get worried." Pepper only looks at you and gives you an apologetic look. You were rather pale today the building stress and the withdrawal aren't really sitting well. 

"Pepper I'm okay, but I won't be If someone doesn't tell me what's going on." Soon behind Pepper, you see a woman's shadow walking towards you. "You're being recruited Mrs. Krast to be a part of the Avengers… at least temporarily we'll work out the conditions later, what do you say?" Pepper scenes you confusion and steps in. "This is Director Hill. We need your help just say yes so we can tell you what's going on."

You just nod your head. Not long after Maria calls the team in. "Team meet your new member. I'm sure most of you already know her, as I’m sure she knows you." You stand rather defensive; you know none of them. Other than Tony. Then suddenly Natalie walks up from behind you. "Hey, stranger welcome to the team." You smirk. "What should I call you Natalie, Natalia, Natasha, or just Nat." She laughs and the rest of the team chuckles. "Touché" is all she says. 

You follow the team as they make their way across the tower you realize the tower is destroyed. "And I thought I knew how to throw a party… Clearly not." Once you make it to the meeting room Captain Rogers walks in with Maria Hill. You learn a lot in the hour and a half that has passed. You excuse yourself and make a call. 

"Logan remember what I asked you to do earlier. If I'm going to make it through this I'm going to need them." You're interrupted by a familiar deep female voice. "What do you need to get through this Y/N?" Natasha asked bluntly. "It's not nice to eavesdrop… Okay, just don't judge it’s for the greater good, remember that." Nat gives you a flat look not even bothering to change her defensive stance. "Do you guys have a medical unit? I need something." You say whispering while looking around to make sure no one heard you. 

"Are you hurt, do you have a condition or something." You sigh knowing she's not going to drop it unless you tell her. "I'm going through withdrawal Nat." She laughs. "You expect me to believe you’re some kind of junkie." You stay quiet avoiding her gaze. "And you're not kidding. Y/N since when." She asks. 

"You don't want to know alright. Will you help me? I just need to stop the symptoms long enough to think." The desperation growing in your voice. Nat sighs "What do you need and how much?" You let out a deep breath and give her a thankful look. "Oxycodone… 3. Is that possible if not I need to call Logan?" She just nods and leaves you standing there in the hallway. Not long after she comes back and with something in hand. 

"Since when?" She asks again you can tell she's ordering you not asking you to tell her. You answer reluctantly. "I was ten alright." You extend your hand and take the pills from her, taking one before heading back into the meeting room leaving her in the hallway alone. She walks back in clearly shaken up by your revelation.

A couple of hours later you're in the Quinjet heading to South Africa. You catch nat looking at you from afar. "Stop doing that…" You say to her. "Looking at you?" She says you shake your head. "Stop feeling bad for me. I don't need it. Yes, it's fucked up, but it is what it is." You say getting slightly annoyed at the situation. “You know I can’t let you get off this plane in good conscience?” You scoff. “ With all due respect, you’ve known me for all of three minutes. You can’t make decisions for me Natasha.” She only sighs. 

“I know me, Nat… I’m okay as fucked up as it might sound. I just need it to function at the moment I’m not high or anything. Just let me help you all.” Nat gives you an angry look. “At what cost are you going to help us? How far will you take this ‘to help us.’” You didn’t mean to raise your voice but you did. “Well, I’m sorry to break this to you but if I DONT help there won’t be a price to pay!” That surprised her but she knew you were right. “For the greater good.” she says, and you nod. “For the Greater Good” you repeat more towards yourself than towards her. 

Once the Quinjet landed Tony lent you a suit and taught you some basic commands. “Just be careful Kid.” You can only nod your head. “What are we actually going to do with Ultron.” Tony sighs “For now we talk to him and try to stop him from getting the vibranium.” He’s about to walk out when he gives you one last look. “Don't engage in direct combat.” he says. You can’t help but laugh. “I grew up in the system and learned how to defend myself quite early on. But just in case I do die, bury me in the suit.” Tony tries to hold his laughter but can’t. “You're a funny kid thinking I’ll go to your funeral. Much less bury you in one of my suits.” You chuckle.

Hours later 

It was a complete shit show… It started off great and went in feeling great and hopeful even. You went with Nat and she insisted on staying near you… More like you following behind her like a lost puppy getting in a couple of shots when necessary. It was all going well until suddenly it wasn't. The Hulk was loose and Tony was after him. The Maximoff twins really did a number on us… You knew that they were going to be a hard obstacle but not like this. That crazy bitch quite literally sent you to your worst nightmare. It's not like you haven't seen it before, but this just felt more real. 

You're back on the Quinjet and everyone is on edge, you're heading god knows where… and to top it off you're quite literally shaking. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn't realize that Natasha had sat next to you until she put her hand on top of your shaking hands. “Are you okay Y/N?” you shake your head not really knowing how to process what just happened. “Are you okay, how did she do that?” Nat goes on to explain what actually made them what they were. Hydra… 

“I had heard rumors, whispers of Hydra, but I never thought anyone actually took them up on the offer.” Nat sighs “Desperate people do desperate things wouldn't you agree.” Clint interrupts you two announcing that you were landing soon. You're greeted by a very friendly looking woman, pregnant Laura Barton, a very sweet woman. Apparently no one on the team knew about her except nat. After the very awkward meeting we all just kind of went our separate ways. Bruce was off hating himself, Thor just kinda up and quite literally left, and Roger’s and Tony were just fighting outside. “Are you going to tell me or are you gonna make me find out the hard way.”

You simply lay back on the bed. “What do you want to know?” she sits “If it's actually true.” you laugh sourly. “What the fact that i'm a raging addict since the ripe age of ten. Yes, Natasha it's true.” all she can say is, “How?” You sit back up looking at her. “The how isn't important Nat… I was just a kid I didn't fucking know. All I knew was that when I stopped taking it I felt like complete shit.” You walk out the room before she could continue, not wanting to continue the conversation you go outside. 

Not long after you're all in the dinner room listening to Fury tell us about how we are at the end of the line, the last defense against ultron. Dr. Banner and I came to the conclusion that Ultron wanted to evolve to change into something better. Rogers, Nat, and Clint leave to find Dr.cho. While Tony, Bruce, and I hit the nexus. “Tony you will not believe what I just found… your old friend Jarvis.” He stops what he's doing and goes to your work space. “Old friend indeed he's been scrambling the nuclear codes all along.” Not long after Clint arrives with the cradle. 

Bruce is starting to explain how we should dismantle the android when I cut in. “What if we don't do that?” Bruce drops the tablet and looks at you. “What are you insinuating we do Y/N? Do you need a reminder of what this thing could do.” Tony cuts in. “Bruce, think about it we don't need utron for this to work.” Bruce just sighs “We’ve got Jarvis back.” you continue. “So you want me to help you to put Jarvis into this thing?” You laugh “No… no-no don't be silly we'll help you put Jarvis into that thing.”

Tony nudges you a smile forming on his face. “Great minds think alike don't they Y/N?” you can only nod in approval. You're almost done when Captain Rogers walks in. “I'm going to say this once…Shut It down” Tony cuts him off followed by Bruce. “You don't know what you're doing.” Rogers retaliates. “And you do? She's not in your head.” Wanda cuts in after Bruce mentions her. “I know you're angry…” She starts off and you cut her off. “Oh… We've passed that point believe me. This isn't about revenge or some vendetta, this is life or death. And like it or not this is our only way to fix this.”  

Suddenly all of the connections to the cradle are disconnected and an all out fight begins. Captain goes against Tony, Clint against Pietro. You on the other hand aren't interested in fighting if not preventing another green rampage. “Bruce calm down okay…” he stutters before speaking. “Y/N she deserved this what she did to me… what she made you see I heard your scream on the jet.” You grimace at his words. “Bruce let her go, we're not that, we are broken and damaged in a way many wouldn't understand. But we’re not this type of monster alright not you not me, and not the green guy… Let. Her. Go!”

As he begins to let her go, Thor flies in and shocks the cradle… bringing it to life or powering it up, not quite sure but it worked. He woke up...

#age of ultron #wanda x reader #bruce banner #avengers #natasha romanoff #clint barton #tony stark #pietro maximoff #natasha x y/n #marvel #captain america #steve rogers #fanfic

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Wonder Woman 1984

The first 3/4 of 2017’s Wonder Woman was my favorite film of that year. The last 1/4 was my least favorite film of that year. What can I say, I have a complicated relationship with the DCEU, and the part I keep getting disappointed by is the big smash-em-up, explosions everywhere, muddy mess of orange/blue filter in the “climactic showdown” between hero and villain. I just don’t have the patience for it anymore, and I was so hoping that the Jazzercise vibes of Wonder Woman 1984 would do something different. 

As it turns out, this movie was trying to warn me like so many stories that have come before - be careful what you wish for. Just how badly did my wish go bad? Well...

I’d already heard some questionable things about the movie before I tuned in, so my expectations were tempered but I guess it was on me. I should have known better than to wish for a story with reasonable pacing, some kind of consistent tone, villains with discernable motivation, or a Wonder Woman movie that was actually about fucking Wonder Woman. I’m not even mad as much as I am puzzled. That and tormented by Pedro Pascal’s manic televangelist energy in my dreams. 

Some thoughts:

I have never wanted to go anywhere as much as I want to in 2020, and the place I want to go more than any other is Themyscira. Love this first sequence. Why is the whole movie not about Themyscira??

If the Olympics were like this whole long Amazonian warrior triathlon, I would be WAY more into track and field. 

Also I legit don’t understand the problem with her taking the short path? Like, it’s there for a reason? She just caught up to her horse? Someone explain this to me.

So this mall...basically the hub of American commerce in the 80s that was practically printing money, it made it so fast...is secretly a front for antiquities trading on the black market? And these unorganized-ass dipshit criminals who seemingly just walked in off the street and decided to engage in some light robbery today are after antiquities? Sure, Jan.

Ohh I miss Waldenbooks so much!

This thwarting of crime sequence in the mall feels so...cheesy. Schlocky, almost. Like a 50s comic book come to life. I dunno, it just doesn’t feel like the tone I was expecting. In the context of the whole film, we really blew our action load in these first 2 sequences, and also this is the last point in the movie in which Diana actually resembles her character from the first film.

I would also be stammery and blushy when talking to Diana Prince for the first (and second) time, but I’m kinda getting a gay vibe from Barbara. This meet-cute + date is definitely playing up romantic vibes. Kristen Wiig is so good at characters like these - in less than 2 scenes, I have such a clear picture of who Barbara is, what she wants, what she fears, and that’s all down to Wiig’s choices. [ETA: This makes it all the more infuriating when Barbara suddenly is like “I want to be an apex predator” when nothing about her character’s reaction to getting positive attention indicates she would want to start shitting all over everyone else.]

Pedro Pascal is skeeving me out as our villain Max Lord, which really just shows his range, because normally I love him and find him wildly charming in everything. But he’s playing this oil baron creep to the max, as they would say in the parlance of the 80s, and it makes my skin crawl. 

The mechanics of how Steve Trevor returns are wildly confusing. Why is this other guy involved at all? Are we supposed to be ok with the idea of Diana fucking *some other dude’s body* without his consent just because Steve’s spirit/consciousness/whatever is inside the guy? Also that guy DEFINITELY got fired from his job after going AWOL for a whole week, right? 

I am thrilled with Steve’s clothes montage. One of my favorite things in any 80s film, and his enthusiasm really sells it.

I do really like Diana and Steve playing detective, following clues, crafting theories. In spite of the absolute dumbassery of how Steve came back, Chris Pine and Gal Gadot have incredible chemistry and I do find their scenes together delightful. 

I think that’s why it’s so frustrating to me the way their entire relationship was handled. If the whole point of the wish going bad is that it has a cost, wouldn’t it have been better, instead of making Diana weak, to have Steve slowly start to be more and more of an asshole - aka not the Steve Diana remembered and loved? Make her realize that the Steve she knew and loved is really gone and she has to stop letting his memory hold her hostage. Maybe his last moment of self-awareness would be realizing that this wasn’t who he really was, and she was better off just remembering who he was and moving on rather than trying to hold on to this thing that isn’t good for her? 

The sequence with the fireworks made me emotional. The only time I’ve ever been on a plane on the 4th of July was when I was coming back from a visit with my uncle in Dallas. He had flown me, my mom, and my grandma down for a whirlwind trip, and we flew back the night of the 4th. I got to see fireworks from above for the first time, and it felt so magical. My uncle passed away 2 months ago, and feeling that magic again (via Diana and Steve) made me miss him and all the adventure he brought into my life something fierce.

Am I supposed to be like...anti- the idea of Barbara absolutely kicking the shit out of this drunk catcaller who attempted to assault her earlier in the movie? It feels like the film wants us to be like “oh no that’s bad” but my empathy goes on vacation for attempted rapists. 

Like...did anyone do ANY kind of fact-checking on this script? The Maya haven’t been “wiped from the face of the earth” there are still 6 million of them living in Central and South America. Escalators were invented in the 1890s for fucks’ sake. PLANES IN THE 80S DONT WORK LIKE PLANES IN 1918. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ALL THOSE SWITCHES DO STEVE. Also...just because the plane is invisible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist anymore. Isn’t the whole point of radar to detect things that you can’t, y’know, SEE? Seriously, how many people fiddled with this script until it turned into an incomprehensible mess?

Did I Cry? OK yeah, I did when Diana and Steve had their conversation after they escaped the White House. But I feel like I should have cried more then, as well as earlier when Diana tells Steve that she only wants this one thing. I love Gal Gadot in this role, but I do wish her acting expressed a little more emotional depth and honesty for the moments like this that should really tug on the heartstrings.

I know Wonder Woman is bulletproof, but are we saying she’s also...immune to electricity? 

If there’s one thing that living through a global pandemic has taught me, it’s that we can’t rely on the inherent responsibility of every individual person to do the right thing in order to save their community (or the world). So the climax of this film really feels like a big ol’ fictional FUCK YOU to every person who has been quarantining since March as the US government twiddles their thumbs and relies on personal choice to lower infection rates. I know they made this film during 2019 and had no idea what would be coming, but this entire sequence was the most horrifying, short-sighted, offensive way to have good overcome evil I could imagine for a 2020 movie. “Just count on people to do the right thing and everything will be fine!” We’re WELL FUCKING PAST THAT, Diana. 

And maybe this is my debbie downer pessimistic ass, but the message “the world is a beautiful place the way it was” feels like some real bullshit. Do you mean the world is a flawed, complicated place where beautiful things exist DESPITE all the violence, inequality, and poverty? Ok, that I’ll buy, for sure. But “Everything was fine the way it was!” is uhh not what I would have gone with. That’s a first draft edit if ever I heard one. Seriously, how did this make it through MULTIPLE studio drafts and no one thought to point this out?  

I literally had to go back after the credits were over and rewind to figure out what happened to Pedro Pascal at the end. If I not only don’t care, but also can’t remember what happened to the villain at the end of the movie, that’s a big motherfucking problem.

I was giddily delighted by that first post-credits scene though! Probably the biggest moment of joy I felt during the film.

For being a Wonder Woman movie, it feels like there’s so little actual Wonder Woman IN the movie. The first film is rooted firmly in Diana finding her place in the world, understanding and coming into her power. This feels like she’s a bystander in her own life, and her most significant moments are always in the context of someone else’s narrative arc. And there’s nothing that comes even close to the breathless wonder of that No-Man’s-Land scene, aka one of the best superhero movie moments of all time. 

This doesn’t have the knowing wink of Aquaman or the nuanced character arcs of Birds of Prey. It doesn’t have the childish glee of Shazam! or any of the nonsensical grimdark bullshit of Zack Snyder’s entire ouvre. It feels like Wonder Woman 1984 suffers the same fate as its protagonist - a profound lack of presence or drive. Sure there are some fun sequences, and the actors are doing the best they can with a weak script, but it’s just not enough to save it. In a year where I saw so few contemporary films (focusing more on catching up on past films I’d missed), I can’t think of one that disappointed me more. 

#121in2021 #wonder woman 1984 #ww84 #gal gadot #chris pine #pedro pascal #kristen wiig #patty jenkins #wonder woman #diana prince #steve trevor

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 67 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 254 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE THE EPISODE 246 Responses

The response to this week’s episode remains overwhelmingly positive, with 97.6% of responses giving it a score of 3 or higher. 

This is the first episode where I have absolutely no criticisms, so im quite happy with how it turned out.

Voice acting was top tier

perfect

Emotional 

Great Job! I'm glad my favorite character's death was so emotionally misered.

Forget Attack on Titans, this episode was Attack on my Feelings ! 😭

I want to rate it a 1 because of Sasha but a 5 because of how well it was done... so 1.5

Absolutely loved it

Perfect

ASIDE FROM SASHA’S DEATH, WHICH MOMENT WAS THE MOST EMOTIONAL FOR YOU? 247 Responses

Connie’s heartfelt admission to Jean seems to have stolen the hearts of the plurality of responders (36%). That is followed by a tie of 18.2% responses noting Eren’s breakdown or EMA’S tense reunion as the most emotional moment for them. In third place is Gabi’s tragic declaration about her struggles with 11.3%. Other responses were, in order, Jean lamenting all of the deaths occurring, Gabi and Falco realizing that Zeke betrayed them, Hange scolding Eren for forcing the SC to intervene in Marley and Levi and Eren’s confrontation.

Connie telling Sasha and Jean that they're special to him made my heart hurt knowing what was going to happen mere minutes after. I honestly saw me and my two best friends through them, and it was gut wrenching seeing Connie and Jean's reactions. Even Mikasa's reaction broke me, to be honest. They all lost a huge light in their lives.

WHICH MOMENT SURPRISED YOU THE MOST? 222 Responses

So this question was meant to only go on the anime watchers poll and ended up here somehow. Thanks to the 222 who were good sports and responded anyway! :P The most shocking moments that took place in this chapter/episode was the revelation that Eren went rogue from the Survey Corps, that Zeke was collaborating with the Survey Corps, how the Survey Corps treated Eren, and that some Paradisians seemed to be turning to nationalism, in that order. 

Not sure why we're being asked as manga readers which moment shocked us the most since we already knew everything that was going to happen this week

HOW MUCH DID SASHA’S DEATH HURT YOU? 249 Responses

When it came to Sasha’s death, it would appear that it broke the hearts of the overwhelming majority of responders, with 81.1% giving it a rating of either 4 or 5 on the tragic scale. 

Broke my heart and I'm still crying over it three days later. Honestly though, it was greatly done. 

3 years later it hit me, Sasha is dead ;_;

Cried my whole soul and body. Rip sweet Sasha

I thought Sasha's death would've been more emotional.

WHOSE REACTION TO SASHA’S DEATH AFFECTED YOU THE MOST? 250 Responses

Sasha’s death elicited various reactions from the main cast. Two different responses tied at 36.4% noting Connie and Mikasa’s reactions to Sasha's death as the one affecting them the most. This was followed by Eren’s at 13.2%. The rest were, in order, Armin, Jean, Levi and Hange. 

I don’t cry at fiction much, but Sasha’s death got me more than I thought it would. I feel like seeing Armin and Mikasa’s reactions in particular is what got me.

The way they animated Armin and Mikasa bawling over Sasha's body and the inclusion of Call Your Name made it all the more emotional. I think by "Assassin's Bullet" they also meant a bullet through my heart because man did that hurt to watch. 😭🤧

WOULD YOU PISS YOUR PANTS IF LEVI WAS GLARING AT YOU WITH MURDEROUS INTENT? 248 Responses

A bit of a joke question, but we wanted to know if Levi appeared as threatening as he seemed. 80.2% seems to think so, admitting their incentive to piss their pants. In contrast, 19.8% don’t think the Captain’s such a scary guy!

THE FULL VERSION OF “ASHES ON THE FIRE” BY KOHTA YAMAMOTO (THE PREVIEW SONG) IS NOW OUT. IF YOU’VE LISTENED TO IT, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 236 Responses

“Ashes on the Fire” has been released to rave reviews, with 88.1% of responses giving it a 4 or a 5. Nobody gave it a 1, either. Yamamoto-san, thank you!

OVERALL, HOW WELL DO YOU THINK MAPPA ADAPTED THE MARLEY ARC? 251 Responses

In spite of the relatively vocal complaints about the adaptation of certain elements of the Marley Arc, it would appear that the overwhelming majority of responders seemed pleased with it, with 51.4% giving it 5 and 37.1% giving it a 4. 1s not present. 

I've been a bit bothered how Mappa follows the Manga like a slave, using the panels as scenes and not adding anything in between. Sure it works for Manga, but it feels weird to me to watch in Anime how Eren grabs Armins hand and they don't give a transition where Armin pulls him in, but just show him inside the airship next. Just little things, but bothers me a bit. Overall I'm really enjoying their choices.

The show looks BETTER

I was fine with the episode. The quality of animation dropped but I understand that every scene cannot be animated on highest level. MAPPA has done a great job with the Marley arc. They shown the character development and bonds between the warriors perfectly. We had some cuts here and there but overally was okay: 8/10 for me. 

I’m so pleased that MAPPA has taken the anime. I’m still more of a fan of this particular series’ manga than anime though.

DID SASHA’S DEATH AFFECT YOU MORE WHEN YOU READ THE MANGA, OR SEEING IT ANIMATED WITH VOICES AND MUSIC? 249 Responses

As noted above, Sasha’s death seemed to be a hard hitter for most. Comparison of the adaptation vs the original allows to discern which hit the readers/watchers the hardest. Just one percent shy of a majority (49%) thought that the anime made it much more tragic. 30.9% noted that the impact was roughly similar across both mediums. On the flip side, 10.4% thought that the initial depiction of it in the manga was the hardest hitter. There were also a couple of write-ins. 

I dont remember I sped run reading the manga, kinda regretting it

I knew it for the first time in the manga, so it had a more powerful impact (I cried for a whole week. Not kidding) and the anime managed to make me cry as hard as in the manga. Though, I already was aware and grieved so it wasn't as bad

Got Spoiled :( so kinda meh, saw it coming

When the music kicked in after Connie announced she was gone, my heart broke into a million pieces. 

Let's be honest, Sasha's role was over after she killed the titan in the village and saved Kaya. After that she was just there. She got zero development, zero important moments, zero depth. Her death effected many characters and helped them to develop. Sasha's death was sad but at least brought some important changes in others. 

Not a Sasha fan so I was not really that affected but having a death in the series always feels sour

I think for me, they're both even.....mostly. There's just something about having been waiting for the chapter leaks on reddit with a bunch of other people and most of us collectively grieving at the same time. Once bigger pages of the chapter started coming out, it made me cry. I didn't even cry during serumbowl when I first read it and that had plenty for me to be even more upset about.

Honestly while reading manga I hated that Sasha’s last word was „meat”, it seemed so ridiculous. I’m happy MAPPA made it look more serious with music. Actually everyone’s reaction for Sasha’s death had more impact on me than the death itself

HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN YOU SAW GABI KILL SASHA IN THE MANGA? AND HOW DO YOU FEEL SEEING IT AGAIN NOW, KNOWING HOW GABI’S ARC DEVELOPS? 247 Responses

Gabi is perhaps the most controversial character introduced post-time skip. Whether you’re a proud member of the Gabi Gang, proud hater of the 12 year old or just a neural party, everyone can admit that. With Sasha’s death at her hands, many seemed to offer up their opinion on the kid, back then and now. A slight plurality, 31.2%, stated that they did not hate her back when 105 first released and they don’t hate her now. 23.1% note that although they were rather upset with her back down, they are not (upset/angry) any longer. On the flipside, 25.5% state that they still hate the kid, as they did back then. Finally, some were simply neutral. Classic. 

Quite a few write-ins, as well.

I hated her in the manga but after watching the anime, I’m not happy about it but I understand why she did what she did and don’t hate her as much anymore.

I was extremely upset about it before and am still extremely upset about it now, but for different reasons. I hate her less but am not any less annoyed by her brainwashed hatred of the Paradisians, although I understand her much better and realize and empathize that she's just a kid who's been used by her country in the worst way.

Gabi Braun Must Die

Broke my heart and was upset, but understood where she was coming from (thought about her perspective only)

Sasha shoulda killed this cunt while she had the chance

It’s war, she did as she needed to.  Her arc is fantastic 

love hate relationship 

I didn't like her but not because of Sasha death (that's war consequence) and it's the same now

I really hated her with my whole heart and soul, but now that it has been all explained, that she had character development, I even like her now

I used to be angry about it but I understand why now, Gabi is just a victim of Marley’s control just like anyone else is, it’s a shame this is the results of it. She’s still at fault but I can’t hate her so much for it

I feel tired of Gabi hate. I disliked her in the manga back then but now I feel neutral towards her, because she has changed. Yet, I wish she took less screentime. 

SORRY for ranting! I don't understand the hate on Gabe. Yes, I know she killed a Paradise character which was present in series since its beginning and I understand Sasha's fans are upset Sasha is not here anymore because of her. but those people do not analyse Gabe as they should be. Every character belongs to a different side and each side is blinded by what heir belives in. It is okay to not like Gabe but I don't tolerate hate on her. I THINK THIS QUESTION SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN INCLUDED AT ALL.

Initial hate, understanding after some thought

Understanding her situation I know I shouldn’t hate her, but I’m choosing to be petty and hate her anyway 

I liked her much more than I like her now. She was a much better character back then, her killing Sasha (a one-note comedic relief) was cool and brought some spice to the story. Now she just exists to spout themes and convenient exposition and to be an aimbot

i dislike her, even if i understand her

I dont like Gabi. Never did. It isnt because she killed Sasha tho. I just dont care for Gabi tbh BUT i can totally understand her actions and do not blame her for it after seeing the destruction and killings

I was and still am upset about Sasha's death, but from the start I blamed it more on the circumstances than Gabi.

I loved her then, I love her now and it probably wouldn’t change even if she killed my favourite characters. She’s my cinnamon roll

Gabi did nothing wrong, killing a soldier in the battlefield is not a crime.

See, I WANT to like Gabi since she's obviously changed, but knowing she killed Sasha nonetheless will ALWAYS prevent me from having any love or respect for her. She will always be my most hated character

MAPPA ADDED AN EXTENDED SCENE OF FLOCH AND OTHER SURVEY CORPS RECRUITS BEATING GABI AND FALCO. HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? 240 Responses

MAPPA added an extra scene of Floch and Friends raining down copious amounts of gratuitous violence upon two 12 year olds (MAPPA is pro-child violence???????? Find out when 111 is adapted). 48.8% seemed to think that it was a decent addition, even if just for the SC’s characterization (or perhaps you enjoyed seeing that?). 22.5% thought it was a bit over the top to feature. Finally, 16.7% did not care. 

I didn't like it. But, it was def a believable reaction from them.

I just wish it was enough to kill her

I liked the additional characterization of Floch & co.

Great addition, it was implied in the manga so the scene fitted well. Still, it was horrifying to see how vile the scouts were to two kids

How about an option where we're glad Gabi got beaten to a pulp but not when Falco was?

ORA ORA thing, but we viewers get hurt too. 

Didn't feel bad about Gabi getting beat up, but I did feel bad seeing Falco get beat up. Poor boy didn't deserve that

A nice addition 

I thought it was a great choice to highlight the continuing violence and feelings of vengeance from both sides even more. and I thought it contrasted really well with Jean's decision not to throw the kids out of the airship.

The people glorifying this scene annoy the shit out of me

It's a good way to hint the "Yaegerist" perspective to anime onlies

MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA

The Gold Experience memes are funny

It was an IC scene for people like Floch + I feel bad for the kids

The way they shot that scene made the recruits seem like mindless, gross-faced animals storming towards the kids to beat them up. I liked how they were dehumanised like that, considering that most faces amongst them belonged to the ones who support the rumbling. 

It hurt to see that but good scene though

Feel empathy for Gaby. Violence don't solve problems

Now THAT'S what I call fan service! Who needs big-boobed, big-ass females or shirtless guys with and when you can just have the most hated character get the tar beaten out of them xD

I can see why they did it. MAPPA's not dumb and I'm sure they anticipated a massive onslaught on hate towards Gabi specifically, so it was their way of trying to satisfy the haters. Falco didn't deserve it tho.

It was a good addition

GREAT JOB MAPPA

I hate Gabi too but that was too much beating up a child, yet it also showed how shit Floch and the others are.

Apparently some people never noticed that Gabi and Falco got beat up, probably because it happened in the background. So it was good for MAPPA to call attention to it.

I love Gabi but she had that coming. No need to hurt Falco though. :(

OVERALL, HOW WELL DO YOU FEEL MAPPA EXECUTED THE REVEAL THAT ZEKE IS A TRAITOR TO MARLEY? 240 Responses

The reveal that ZOOK has been working against Marley for years on end is one of the most important ones in the series, really. So it was important to have it be executed in a rather decent manner. The vast majority of the fandom thought that MAPPA did a fine job. 52.1% gave it a rating of 4, 27.5% gave it a 5 and 17.1% gave it a 3. The couple of the other respnders gave it a 2, with no 1s.

IN THE END, DO YOU THINK EREN’S ACTIONS IN MARLEY WERE ULTIMATELY JUSTIFIED? 242 Responses

A question to remember… Were Eren’s actions in Marley ultimately “justified”? A plurality, 44.6% seems to think so. In contrast, 24% disagree. And 31.4% still aren’t sure to this day.

SIMILARLY, DO YOU THINK THE SURVEY CORPS WAS ULTIMATELY JUSTIFIED IN TREATING EREN AS THEY DID? 244 Responses

When it comes to the SC treating Eren as they did, the division is much less pronounced however. The majority, 60.7%, think that the SC had quite the justification for treating Eren as they did. On the flip side, 19.7% think that there was such justification for behaving in such a manner towards Eren. Finally, the same amount of responses stated that still can’t be sure to this day.

NOW THAT WE’VE GOTTEN A CLEAR SHOT OF YELENA, DID MAPPA DO HER JUSTICE? 243 Responses

YELENA is here. Queen 👑. Or well, maybe not. Who am I to say? In any case, her appearance was received well. 52.7% thought MAPPA did very well and 33.7% went on to declare their love for her. Just shy of 10% noted that MAPPA could have done a little better though. 

Kinda wish her hair was like neon or something idk

Need more eps of her to decide, she didn't get much screentime and lines here. 

I don't like Yelena, but yeah I guess they did good.

In the manga she was a creepy-looking person. MAPPA made her unique, interesting and mysterious. I love her voice and her stoic, relaxed self. MAPPA did a good job.  

QUEEN!!!!!

Great adaptation but I still don't like her as a character

Don’t care about her 

don't really care

I hate her and I don't care about her.

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 247 Responses

Such a colorful chart for this one. It would appear that slightly over a quarter look most forward to seeing Crykasa at Sasha’s grace. Slightly less (21.9%) want to see Sasha enjoying Niccolo’s cuisine. In third place is the scene with Connie, Jean, Mikasa and Niccolo at Sasha’s grace. The rest are, in order from most to least, Onyankopon and Yelena teaching the Survey Corps about the Port, EMA talking at the shooting range and Hange and Armin learning about Marley’s technology.

HOW HYPED ARE YOU FOR THE UPCOMING TIMESKIP FLASHBACKS? 239 Responses

The time skip flashbacks seem to be a hit. A little over 51% are super stoked about seeing them animated. Slightly under 24% state that they’ll enjoy them, but are looking forward to other things more. In contrast, 22.6% are ready to go crazy (from a positive standpoint)! Wooo! 

Enjoying AND dreading it at the same time

I just want the centipede

Boring. The only thing what interests me is Historia teasing Mikasa about her crush on Eren. The rest is too jolly. 

I'm looking forward to see Yelena's insane self be animated. That, and more Zeke.

THE MOST RECENT LIST OF FUTURE EPISODE TITLES SHOWS THAT EPISODE 12 WILL LIKELY END AROUND CHAPTERS 109-111, LEAVING CHAPTER 112 (EMA’S ARGUMENT) FOR EPISODE 13. EPISODE 67 WAS ALMOST ENTIRELY ADAPTED FROM CHAPTER 105, PROVING THAT ADAPTING DIALOGUE-HEAVY CHAPTERS FAITHFULLY CAN EASILY REQUIRE THE FULL 20 MINUTES. WITH ONLY 16 EPISODES - AND SO MANY WHICH ARE DIALOGUE-HEAVY - DO YOU THINK THINGS WILL END OFF WITH THE INITIATION OF THE RUMBLING (CH. 122), AS HAS BEEN SPECULATED BY MUCH OF THE FANDOM? 238 Responses

The manner in which the Season will end is a mystery to even the manga readers. Where will it end? Will it have many cuts? These are the questions. 36.6% seem to think that MAPPA will somehow manage to both end it at Chapter 122 and cut as little as possible. 26.5% don't believe ending on 122 is possible. 12.2% do believe MAPPA will end the Season on 122, but only with many notable cuts. Finally, just a little under 20% are simply not sure. There were a few write-ins as well. 

I hope not, too many cuts would be required 

The is no way they're making it up to 122, at first I thought they were going to finish it off with Eren's head getting blown off in 119, but now that seems like a reach too. Now I think MAPPA is probably going to end this first half of the season with Eren and Pieck's "where is the enemy?" and the warriors arriving to Shiganshina 

I’m not sure right now so I’ll have to see for later episodes for the cut-off point, if it isn’t the Rumbling then it’ll be when Gabi shoots Eren

MOVIE

I'm conflicted. I'm sure they'll end at rumbling because it's the only reasonable point to cut it, but I feel like they're running out of episodes. Then again I'm feeling the same about the state of Manga, there's just too little chapters left to end things up well.

I don't really want to think too much about it, I just want to enjoy the anime lol

I fully expect 119 to be the end

What was the point of rushing Reiner's chapters if you are going to slow down later. Goddamn it MAPPA. 

It'll really depend on the pacing for the next couple episodes, but I'm with a bulk of the fandom that see Chapter 119 Two Brothers being the end point for The Final Season. IF they were to skip the opening and maybe the ending, I can see them transitioning from Eren's head getting blown off immediately into his transformation and the beginning of the Rumbling. But even that is quite farfetched. 

I have no idea, I'm a little worried now. Wouldn't be the first time a lot of content gets cut but if they insist on reaching ch. 122, I just don't see how you do that without butchering a lot. If that happens, it would probably lessen my enjoyment of the season.

Yeah, I think it will have a lot of cuts, but I believe that it will get there because Ymir falling in the tree was in the trailer

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

It's amazing seeing how each week, something with SnK trends! ^^

It still baffles me just how much people insist on hating Gabi, especially when her arc has shown tremendous growth in the manga. Reiner was no better than her when he was a child and continued to insist that Paradisians are devils and chose to further destroy their lives even after sleeping under the same roof as the 104th for 3 whole years and forming personal bonds with them. Yet, his actions are forgivable but Gabi's are not? Both characters have shown remorse for their former beliefs and misdeeds against Paradisians. Both realized that they were in the wrong. The characters have forgiven Gabi. Why can't y'all do the same? People who want Gabi to suffer are no better than they accuse her of being. 

Well done episode which managed to capture the emotions of sasha's death perfectly

monke

I really appreciate Gabi as a character. She has spunk and a strong character arc in which she changes and grows more than anyone in the last 30 chapters of the manga, save maybe Mikasa (ignoring how Eren, Reiner, Armin and maybe a few others changed during the timeskip). It makes me sad seeing people wishing for her to die and praising Floch and the others for kicking her.

Gabi absolutely deserves the hate she gets

I absolutely love to see the anime-onlies mass hate of GabBitch, does my heart good xD

Boring ,too much Gabi she is annoying

Time to strap in: wild ride ahead!

Gabi Braun is the WORST character, her arc was poorly written and the moment she kills Sasha solidifies her rightful place as most hated character

No development has made me stop hating Gabi. The wound of Sasha's death will ALWAYS overshadow any crocodile tears Gabi may cry.

Kudos to Jean's and Connie's voice actors. Emotions were so raw and natural.

so good! they're really nailing down the emotional beats so far!

Dialogue-heavy but still amazing! Also the music was great

I didn't felt anything when Sasha died. Even the first time, in the manga. She hasn't enough personnality for me to care. Erwin and Bertolt's death were more saddening for me. Stop hating Gabi. She was in grief and she did what Marley brainwashed her to. And Sasha killed people right in front of her, so…

1 chapter was too little to be adapted for an episode, you could tell some scenes were stretched to fit the runtime

The music they chose for the scene of Sasha passing was also the same music they used when the Survey Corps first donned their capes and Eren found out Marco was dead... man, that song is gonna hit harder than ever now

It didn’t help with the overwhelming amount of hate Gabi is getting. I hope Mappa does her justice because she’s a great character but the Anime only seem to hate her because its a “funny” “popular” thing but it really isn’t... shows who really is paying attention to the story and the people who are watching it because it’s popular and trendy 

People who are hating on Gabi do not understand the themes portrayed in AoT

Pretty solid overall. Wonderful bits of animation such as the ODM bits and the solid character acting from Sasha going down, Mikasa and Armin is distress, personal highlight being Gabi's reload animation. Good ost choices, nice addition of Samuel and Daz to foreshadow their conflict later on in the story, and great work from Connie, Gabi and Eren's VAs.

Friendly reminder that just because we hate Gabi does NOT mean we don't "understand" the story or themes. We just don't care because Gabi is a bad character.

U mad at Gabi for what she did ? Did she kill Potato girl for no reason? Imgine a kid, at least 3 years younger than the 104th, made fighting on WARS and praised for it, brainwashed by Marley that Paradisians are devils, and these devils came in her home, killing her friends and this WOMAN killed in front of her eyes two people who tried to protect her. Don't be mad at Gabi. Grieve for Sasha, okay, but stop hating Gabi. You're the worst when you do it

Hey Gabiatans: as long as you're not threatening the VA or other RL p olle, it's PERFECTLY fine to hate Gabi. Period. We don't have to like her, and it's not like we don't "understand" her just because we hate her. I "understand" a lot of Germans were forcibly coerced into joining the Nazi regime, but I don't have to pity then for any consequences that came for them.

Leviiiiiii

I was surprised that Mikasa and Armin crying over Sasha had no voice over. I thought it was still effective but I'm not sure if I prefer it. Other than that, the character animation was amazing this episode. Gabi's hands as she reloaded the rifle and Armin crying were my favorites. Overall, everything was pretty perfect and I love it when a chapter gets adapted in full with basically no cuts. One of the best episodes in the series and a proper send off for Sasha.

Wonderfully done episode! They truly did Gabi and Falco's perspectives justice. Also, seeing Eren's expressions and reactions in animated format was clarifying and super well done, too!

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 227 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! 

#snk poll #snk polls #snk s4 #snk spoilers #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot

[thebudgetgarden]

The Budget Garden 2: Tachikaze “Goodstuff” (V-Premium)

Hello Cardfighters, So, I haven’t even completed a total of 3 posts before I got my very first request ! A person from my Vanguard playgroup overheard me mention this blog in passing to one of my friends, and so asked me if he could see my approach to a very cheap and strong Tachikaze deck. This, for those who are not in the know, is already a challenge, as Tachikaze is based on certain interactions with it’s own units, and on much more rare occassions, very strong, individual cards. So, I thought I would discuss one of the very first decks I build by myself, Tachikaze Goodstuff, an Accel deck that aims to hit hard and hit fast. 

Let’s begin with the grade 3 units, as understanding our win conditions is the key to success with learning and handling Tachikaze properly. 

We shall begin first with a list of our main grade 3 units, which in this case are varying rations of 4 different units, these being:

Light Battle Dragon, Gigannoblazer

Sundering Dragon, Terror Therizeeno

Fiery Light Dragon, Opticalcerato

Savage Mercenary 

[CONT](VC):During your turn, if three or more new equip gauges were put for your units this turn, all of your front row units get [Power]+5000. [ACT](VC)1/Turn:COST [Counter Blast (1) & Soul Blast (1)], draw two cards, and call two cards from your hand to (RC). Put up to one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for each of those units. (Put without looking at the front of those cards）

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks a vanguard, COST [retire another rear-guard], draw a card, if a unit with equip gauge was retired for this cost, choose one of your opponent's rear-guards, and retire it.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, or when it attacks a vanguard, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards.

[CONT]:You cannot normal ride this card. [CONT](RC):If you have no units with equip gauge in the same column as this unit, this unit cannot attack. So, wow, right off the bat, there is a lot to unpack, so let us take it step by step, first by explaining the notion of what “goodstuff” means. “Goodstuff”, used in the context of card games, is a strategy or type of playstyle that doesn’t adhere to the usual norms of having a normal win condition and trying to fullfill that condition every game. It practically means that we are a Jack-of-all-trades, but a master of none.  Taking a look at our grade 3 line-up, this notion becomes all the more noticeable, as we dont really follow a coherent gameplan, rather we decide to play as many tools as possible in order to have the best chance of winning. Reading through these cards, we can already gleam at least three characteristics that set Tachikaze apart from all of the other clans in the game, with those key-words being: Equip gauge, which means placing the top card of your deck under one of your units as a “marker” or “indicator” that can be used in conjunction with various effects Retire, meaning getting rid of one of ours or one of our opponent’s rear-guard units. Excuse me for making such a long-winded introduction to what someone would innitially think is a fairly simple and easy to play deck, but understanding these concepts, as easy as they are for some, is an integral part of understanding the clan as a whole. That is very obvious with our main boss unit, Gigannoblazer. Gigannoblazer encapsulates the essence of Tachikaze perfectly. Not only does he possess a very strong advantage skill that helps facilitate very aggressive plays, but he also allows the Cardfighter that is using him to give a healthy 5k boost in the front row, allowing for magic numbers and choke-points to be hit in a much easier fashion. This is highlighted further by Terror Therizeeno, a strong back-up ride target, as well as a potent rear-guard unit. His skill might seem odd initially, but there is a lot of synergistic potential with his retiring skill, as he allows for dead columns that have already performed their attack to provide some value for you, both in forms of a draw and retiring a pesky unit your opponent may have.  Opticerato is also fairly basic and simple. He’s a good call target that also functions well with the rest of the deck while attacking. A very simple and strong card, running a few copies wouldn’t hurt any Tachikaze deck. Savage Mercenary is an odd one. With a whopping 27k power, higher than any grade 3 in the game, you would think that his restrictive skill would stop him from being a gread addition, however, that is simply not the case. With a stupidly easy condition to fulfill, Mercenary becomes a very strong unit that cannot be blocked easily. Having a few copies in your deck as a simple and strong finisher is a must, as this card can easily steal wins from our opponents. All of these cards, while very strong, are also incredibly cost effective. If you were to buy a play-set of each card, meaning 4 copies of each individual grade 3, it would hardly set you back about 6 euros, which is a laughably low cost for such high impact units. 

Moving on to the Grade 2 Units, we find ourselves in a very odd and unique predicament.

The grade 2 line-up for Tachikaze is, for a lack of a better term, completely pre-determined. This is not, however, a bad thing. It just means that the choices that we do have are both so powerful and inexpensive that they would usually find their home in the full competitive versions of these decks. The downside, though, is that the creative aspect gets a tiny bit stiffled, which is a small price to pay for such power-houses.

The grade 2 line-up is split amongst 4 very high impact units, those being:

Clearout Dragon, Sweeperacrocanto

Ravenous Dragon, Megarex

Turbo Smilodon

Regiment Dragon, Regiodon

[AUTO](RC)1/Turn:When it attacks a vanguard, put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit. [CONT](RC):This unit gets [Power]+5000 for each of this unit's equip gauges, and if it has three or more equip gauges, it cannot be chosen by your opponent's card's abilities.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks a vanguard, COST [retire another rear-guard], and draw a card. If this unit is on (RC), COST [Counter Blast (1)], put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit, and it gets [Power]+5000 until end of that battle for each gauge equipped to this unit.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, or when it attacks a vanguard, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards. [AUTO]:When retired from (RC) by your card's ability, call up to one card from this unit's equip gauge to (RC). You may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for that unit. This ability may only be used by a card with the same card name once a turn. There is a lot to unpack here. Simply put, both Sweeper and Megarex are insane cards, maybe unfair in the general landscape of budget deck-building. Sweeper gives himself an equip gauge on attack, and he gets 5k power and a removal dodge ability… on BOTH players’ turns. Meaning that, in the overwhelming majority of cases, on the first turn that sweeper is played, he is going to be a 19k-24k attacker that keeps his high numbers and is resistant to pretty much all forms of removal, apart from some unique cases. There was a point that this card was so good people were considering it as a possible candidate for a BAN. Couple that with its laughably low price point, at 50 cents each, and it’s no wonder why people still use this card in every possible build of Tachikaze, no exceptions. Megarex is a completely different beast entirely. His power-up skill is a bit more restrictive, but it follows the exact same path as sweeper, simply less efficient, while also being more susceptible to removal. He more than makes up for it, however, with his retire and draw skill, which is completely free and works perfectly with the rest of the clan. Another thing to note is that he is insanely cheap, an entire playset of him going for about 1 euro and 20 cents. There is not a lot to be said about Turbo Smilodon, he’s a grade 2 version of Opticalcerato, a card we briefly discussed in the grade 3 section. Smilodon is, also, quite an expensive card. In the time of me writing this, we still dont know what the reprint price for him is from the new Revival Collection set, so for now he is sitting at a comfortable 1 euro and 50 cents per copy. If he’s not readily available, then running the grade 3 Optic is suggested as a replacement. Regiodon is also quite simple. A lot of skills in Tachikaze require the retiring of a rear-guard to be activated, and Regiodon is an excellent card, working as not only fodder for the rest of the team, but also as a multi-attack engine, if placed on an Accel marker. A lot of utility as well as a little bit of extra oomph for your combo turn.

The grade 2 line-up was a million times better than anticipated, but with that, it is now time to move along to the grade 1 line-up. The grade 1 line-up, to a certain extend, has also been solved, however a bit more of a creative spin can be put in it if any Cardfighter feels like experimenting.

There are several key budget units to consider right off the bat, those units being: 

Fierce Claw Dragon, Laceraterex

Full Speed Dragon, Bluesprint

Angry Roar Dragon, Roarbaryo 

Sonic Noa 

[AUTO](RC):When placed from hand, put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit. [AUTO]:When it is retired from (RC), COST [Soul Blast (1)], and return up to one gauge equipped to this unit to your hand.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks, you may put one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards. [AUTO]:When retired from (RC) by your card's ability, call up to one of this unit's equip gauges to (RC). You may put one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for that unit. This ability may only be used by a card with the same card name once a turn.

[AUTO](RC):When placed, COST [Soul Blast (1)], put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your other rear-guards, and that unit gets [Power]+5000 until end of turn for each of its equip gauges.

[AUTO](RC):When it boosts a rear-guard, put the top card of your deck face down as an

equip gauge

for the boosted unit.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack or the attack that it boosted hits a vanguard, COST [retire one other rear-guard], and draw a card.

The grade 1 line-up, just like the grade 2 line-up, is also quite excellent. We have more and more cards that fulfill our win-condition and allow us to have options no matter what the current board-state is. 

An overwhelming amount of utility and value comes from both Bluesprint and Laceraterex, 2 cards that don’t only gauge themselves but also allow us to get even more value from our retires, both from a card-advantage, in the case of Laceraterex, and a potent multi-attack engine, in the case of Bluesprint. 

Roarbaryo, however, is just pure damage output. With the cost of just one soul he can make a unit not only get an equip gauge for future usage, but also gives a boost that can range from just 5k, to 25k in the case of Sweeper. Overall a very simple and strong card. The 3 cards discussed above will not set you back more than 2 euros for a playset of all of them.

Sonic noa is a special case. He is a bit pricier and harder to come by compared to the previous cards that we discussed, but his effect more than makes up for it. Sonic Noa is our decks’ WHOLE game-plan, condenced into one card. Equip gauges, self-retire, card draw, he does it all and he does it very well. A playset of him will set you back about 2 euros but he’s getting reprinted in the next revival collection, so picking him up won’t be a difficult task in the coming weeks.

Example decklist 

This particular list is not only very cheap and strong, but it’s also an excellent investment for future Tachikaze builds, if you wish to stick with this particular clan.

GRADE 3

4x Gigannoblazer

2x Terror Therizeeno

2x Opticalcerato

1x Savage Mercenary

GRADE 2

4x Sweeper

3x Megarex

3x Turbo Smilodon

2x Regiodon

GRADE 1

4x Roarbaryo

4x Sonic Noa

2x Bluesprint

2x Laceraterex 

GRADE 0

x1 Starting Vanguard 

x4 Draw Perfect Guards

x4 Heals

x8 Front Triggers

(Please keep in mind that these lists are made with the Budget Constraints first, as well as what is the most optimal ratio of cards depeding on their availability in Greece. All of these prices and lists are subject to change, but keeping the price low is the number 1 priority.) 

Final Price: ~19 Euros

Closing thoughts and Special thanks

While this particular Budget profile wasn’t as long as the Previous one, I feel like I did a good enough job at showcasing one of the least appreciated clans out there, and I hope I assisted you in finding a new and interesting deck or playstyle. As a massive tachikaze fan (one of my top 5 favorite clans), this deck was a joy to playtest and write about.Special thanks to my friend Dimitri, who without him this Budget Profile wouldn’t have existed, as well as a special thanks to my close friends for reading through the previous post, even though they don’t know a single thing about Vanguard.That’s all for now, Cardfighters ! If you have read this far, thank you so much for your time and attention. Have a wonderful rest of your day ! Bloom aka thebudgetgarden (if you have any questions, feel free to contact my discord account: Bloom#8890) 

#cardfight!! vanguard #vanguard #budgetdecks #tachikaze #cardgame #tabletop #cards

[strykingback]

Ok... Gotta say my Farewell to Vol 8. So If you dont like  what Im about to say best click off now or ignore it.

Ok so you decided to click on it,  Alrighty brace yourself 

This entire Arc was just fucking horrendous. No joke, this entire arc was just garbage entirely, no joke. The way how they made Ironwood into a cartoon villain making him into some albeist joke of people who are diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, Actual Amputees’, etc. This was meant to be A FUCKING WAR ARC!!!

Which means I expected these few things from this Arc even though I was not watching it.

- Plenty of Character Deaths ranging from Main, Secondary, and Tertiary Characters.

- Stakes at An All New High. 

- Characters being forced to make tough decisions or risks that fail or pay off.

- Uneasy Alliances being forged.

- Tensions between Team RWBY, Ironwoods Group, and Salems. 

-SALEM TEARING ATLAS AND MANTLE A NEW ONE. 

- THE VILLIANS ACTUALLY FUCKING WIN THIS VOLUME. 

Instead We Got: 

-Ruby’s Group BEING INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE LIKE IN VOLUME 5 BARELY DOING FUCK ALL!!!

- Ironwood being “villainized” even further instead of turning him into a morally-grey villain. 

- Team RWBY “winning” through plot armor and bad writing like the Mary Sues they are. 

- Bumbleby Ship-Baiting... AGAIN. (Seriously. . . fuck off) (No hate to anyone who ships BB but at this point it was seriously getting annoying and tiring)

- Salem Just Getting Merked... NOT ONCE FOLKS. BUT TWICE!!!

- The Hound Getting Merked.....

Seriously no joke, this was such a bullshit, deadbeat volume. No joke it makes me so frustrated to see that this entire Volume was fucked up to no end. Yangs and Rubys argument did not feel like an actual fucking argument. 

What I expect from an argument was four things.

- Calling them Out On Their Actions. 

- Person A and B Debating About their Actions/Decisions which said argument intensifies. 

- Person A or B Starts a fight after saying something that pisses one of them off

-  Fight Between A and B, Totally Optional to have a bystander such as C or D end the Fight. 

Instead we get....a simple Argument that barely intensifies and only has Yang calling Ruby out on her abilities being a leader of a team. We should have Ruby also calling out Yang for sharing the information to Robyn and her “Happy Huntresses.” Which should’ve escalated to the point where Ruby says.  “Well that Gung-Ho Attitude is what caused you to lose your Arm!!” 

or Yang saying: 

“Well If you didn’t decide to...Oh I dont know have our faces pasted on EVERY VIRTUAL BOARD IN ATLAS FOR YOUR SHIT DECISIONS!” 

Not to mention to have Blake ,Weiss, and the Rest of ORNJ just look in awe or shock.... at seeing them argue to the point where they start fighting SERIOUSLY THATS WHAT A FUCKING ARGUMENT IS MEANT TO FEEL LIKE IN A WAR ARC!!!!

Moving on from that... anyways Cinders Past was just so so so SO LAZY.....

No joke her past was so boring it was to the point where I found it just uninteresting at all. Yet that brings up a good point hat I said once and I will say again. “How Come the FNDM praises Women that get beaten and show love to them rather than Men who also get abused like Adam whose EYE WAS BRANDED and MERCURY WHOSE LEGS WERE BROKEN BY THE FEMUR NO LESS.”

No joke for her it was just... a shock collar and she was berated verbally.....You know this actually makes Ellie from Last of Us Part 2 Look Better than Cinders. (Yeah I went there!)

Like if you want to do Twisted Cinderella with some RWBY Vibes.... heres how you do it. 

- Have Cinder be in Awe at the Sight of a Huntsman or Huntress fighting which inspires her to be a Huntress when Reeves finally tells her she can be one. 

- Show that Reeves does care about her and when he falls ill and dies Cinder is berated even more by the twins and the proprietor where she was enslaved. 

- What Finally causes her to snap and kill everyone was when she finds out her “sisters” burned her Academy Approval letter on their mothers order causing her to kill and murder which she is later on arrested and then bailed out by Watts who leads her to Salem. 

Seriously DO IT FUCKING RIGHT ESPECIALLY  WHEN IT COMES TO CINDER WHOSE PAST WAS IN SHADOWS FOR 8 WHOLE FUCKING YEARS.

8 YEARS AND YOU DROP IT LIKE A RAW PIECE LAMB CHOP!!!

Finally SALEM. Oh God how did they fuck up with Salem?! I will admit there was some moments that spooked me. However it was not enough to make me feel nervous for the characters as a whole. 

Like for example I expected her to wipe the floor with Atlas’ forces and just seriously showing destruction and chaos arriving. Instead last season it looked like she was JUST APPROACHING THE CITY. 

Which would have been a “Race Against The Clock/War” Volume since Salem would have begun her destruction of Atlas and even forcing her way into Atlas.... and then suddenly Hazel performs a Heel-Face-Turn that suddenly screams BS because seriously he should’ve had some sort of a better redemption that felt built up, then she gets  BURNED THEN NUKED BY OZPINS MAGICAL CANE OF SUPERPOWERED BULLSHIT. Which Held enough magic to unleash it....which could have been used during the BATTLE OF BEACON. However, I wont complain about it why?

Cause, I think the major reason is because If he were to use it in there he would be revealing Beacon’s Relic Vault as well to Cinder which she can use to open it and take the Relic of Choice. Which I believe was a pragmatic choice because you also have to think of the people who are still trying to escape or evacuating at the moment. 

Now the ultimate disrespectful thing the CRWBY did for their “Design a Grimm” contest was the Sulfur Fish. 

THIS DESIGN WAS SICK, AND THE ABILITIES WAS JUST JAW DROPPINGLY COOL!

However what does CRWBY do instead of giving a Full Scene where we see its Forms or attacking other soldiers/people. 

It gets... *Drumroll*

A Cameo sequence...thats it. A Cameo....Wow CRWBY you are shit. Just absolutely shit at writing and even giving the winner of the Design-A-Grimm Contest Winner an actual shot...while you overwork your animators giving Anxiety Disorders or PTSD. Great Show. 

 TL;DR: RWBY Volume 8 was one of the most boring, shittiest, and a snoozefest of a volume with such bad writing that it makes even watching The Last of Us Part II look good! 

If you are planning on dropping RWBY let me offer you an Alternative. 

Say hello to Meta Runner! A series that I find to be a favorite of mine and one that is actually better than RWBY’s garbage ass bullshit writing. 

To give you a brief synopsis, This series follows Tari a girl who wakes up in Silica City without any memory of what has happened except some brief flashbacks. To which TasCorp the antagonistic corporation seeks to use her for entertainment, while there is a mystery element about a famous gamer gone missing... and its up to Tari and the help of a Resistance force to find out this mystery. 

This series is done by Glitch Studios which many do know them as...drumroll please!  *drumroll*

The Youtubers SMG4! Who is well known for doing GMOD Shitposts! 

Its actually quite relieving to see a series that these two brothers actually want to share with us! They dont want to do it for money or for anything just for the sake of a good story! 

AND THATS WHAT I LIKE!

Oh did I forget to mention that Meta Runner is backed by:  Epic Games

Crunchyroll 

AMD Lastly.... and hold onto your butts...

THE AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT!!!

You know you hit it big WHEN THE GOVERNMENT BACKS YOUR SERIES!!! Come On you cant help but smile at that! So far the Third Season is being worked on at the moment but no release date at the moment so it could be sometime this year or next year. 

So if you have any plans on watching that I highly recommend giving it a watch. Anyways 

Fuck RWBY Volume 8. Fuck the Canon. Fuck Everything about RWBY!

#RWDE #Is this RWDE

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

#asks #long post #anonymous #pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #my post

[junetuesday]

sweetener - [three]

The One At The Library

Pairing: Tom Holland x Female Reader - uni AU

Word Count: 5170 ish

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, fluff, caffeine

A/N: sorry for the delay on this i am *jean ralphio voice* The Worst. I thiiiink this chapter should make up for it tho heheheh lemme know what you think!

Updates Fridays at 11pm BST

Tonight was one of those nights where it just wasn't your night. You stood in the SU toilets waiting for Liv, amid girls taking selfies in the mirrors and attempting to stick false eyelashes back on each other though they could hardly see. Another night, you might have been one of them, gleefully exclaiming "thanks, it's Missguided!" in response to compliments on your dress. Not tonight though.

There wasn't anything wrong per se - Madison was away visiting her boyfriend so it was just you and Liv with some of her friends from her course. They were nice, of course, and you liked them, but they weren't your friends so you didn't feel quite as at ease as you might have. Your pre-night out disco-nap had run on a bit longer than you had intended so you didn't have a lot of time to get ready, plus you thought you had alcohol in when you didn't, so all you had was a glass of warm, somewhat vinegary white wine while you got ready. You managed to pilfer another glass off someone at predrinks, and you'd bought a double when you arrived at the union, but all in all you were relatively sober compared to everyone else, and you weren't feeling particularly confident in your appearance, and honestly, you were bored.

You tapped through Instagram stories as you waited for Liv, neither drunken selfies nor dog photos nor influencers unboxing PR packages holding your attention for long. Your thumb hit the right hand side of the screen almost as soon as each new image came up, switching to the next one well before the full 15 seconds was up. Until this one.

A few nights prior, you, Liv, and Mads had gone on a social media binge after Liv had discovered that you and Harrison followed each other on Instagram and you hadn't told her (?!) - which had lead you to Tom's account. Madison had pressed follow for you in the end, and within ten minutes he'd followed you back. You still hadn't had the confidence to interact with him in any way, or text him for that matter, but it was a start. He'd posted a couple of stories since then, and to say you were glad that Instagram didn't show how many times someone has viewed your story would be an understatement. If it did...yikes. They weren't even all that interesting, but seeing little snippets of his life was nice, it almost made you feel like you knew him a little more. You didn't, of course, all you actually knew was that he went to the gym after work yesterday (from the picture of a protein shake with an 8:49pm timestamp with the caption "post-work gym sesh ☑") and that he'd been working on an essay this afternoon (from the screenshot of a Spotify playlist called Chill Lofi Study Beats with the caption "essay soundtrack 👌" and a location tag that placed him in the library).

And according to this post, he was still there - his laptop open with a notepad next to it, a couple of books and pens scattered across the desk, posted five minutes ago. You tapped through to the next picture, and all you could think was 'oh no'. This one was a selfie, his grumpy expression half covered by his fingers and his chin resting on his palm. His hair was a fluffy mess atop his head, white earphones in both ears and the collar of a black pullover hoodie just visible in the bottom of the frame. You didn't even realise you'd been looking at it that long until the screen skipped to the next story, and you didn't think you'd ever tapped the left side of your screen so fast. Pressing and holding on the screen to stop it timing out, you managed to actually read the caption this time - "send help and coffee 😧" - and maybe those three drinks had had more of an effect on you than you thought, because you were actually kind of considering replying, your thumb swiping up and down on the screen to bring up and hide the 'reply to story' options over and over. No, that's a stupid idea -- what would you even say?

Looking up as though one of the inhabitants of the girl's bathroom would have the answer, you spotted Liv coming out of a cubicle. She had definitely caught up with her friends at predrinks more than you had, and was bopping along to the music echoing in from the adjacent dancefloor as she washed her hands. She'd be badgering you to go get another drink, you knew, or go and dance, or something of that nature that didn't involve you sitting down and pondering potential social media interactions. You looked from her to your phone and back again, before deciding to throw caution to the wind and just say fuck it.

Vanilla latte sound good?

Closing the app and locking your phone as soon as you hit reply, you shoved your phone into your bag, as though if you didn't look at it then it wouldn't matter if Tom replied or not. Oh God, what if he doesn't reply? -- what if he does reply? What if--

"Let's get SHOTS!"

With a groan and a playful roll of your eyes you let Liv pull you back out to the bar, rejoining her friends. You ordered a shot of apple Sourz - which, yes, is a cop out shot, but you didn't particularly care to go for the sambuca shots that were lining up on the counter at Liv's request. Even if you weren't having one, though, it still made for a fun Instagram story - because even if you're not having fun it's important to make sure it looks like you are online, right? That was the only reason you took your phone back out of your bag, no other reason. You didn't even look at your notifications, not even a glance at that little red (1) in the top right hand corner, and you definitely didn't open it immediately after posting your story. No, you waited at least ten seconds while everyone took their shots, then you opened it.

That would be ideal🙏🏻

Hm. Liv tugged on your wrist again, pulling you towards a clubroom. Reluctantly, you followed, your group huddled loosely in a circle on the dancefloor. You moved your body to the beat, but your mind was less on the music and more on your phone, clutched tightly in your hand.

You knew he meant coffee, you knew it was a joke, but...Tom had been calling you Vanilla Latte until recently... But no. That's stupid, it's gone midnight and he's still studying, he definitely was just talking about coffee, he didn't mean, well, you. But still...

You glanced down at your phone, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible (though no one was watching, and if they were they wouldn't care, like, at all), and let out an involuntary squeak at the notification on the screen.

tomholland1996 replied to your story:

or a couple of those haha 😂

Not to read too much into things but... double message? You bit the corner of your lip to try and stop yourself from smiling as you unlocked your phone and tapped out a reply.

I bet haha

Your thumb hovered over the 'send' button, hesitating. What a shit reply - but what else do you say?

Tom is typing...

Oh shit. You deleted your message, but as soon as you did so he stopped typing too. Ugh. You waited a moment, and sure enough:

Tom is typing...

Anyway enjoy your night x

You almost scoffed, looking up and taking stock of your surroundings, that weird out of place feeling you get when you're the only sober(ish) one in a room of drunk people creeping over you. The music was too loud and too bassy, the lights were too flashy, everyone was bumping into you, plus your feet hurt and you were tired and you felt about fifty years older than your nineteen years.

🤷 su's actually shit tonight tbf

You tried to ignore the fact that 'seen' popped up under your message instantly.

Really? Sure its better than the library

Hm. Another elbow collided with your spine, and you decided then you were done with tonight.

Debatable

You know when youre just not feelin it?

You were barely even pretending to move to the music now, just nodding your head as your attention remained on your phone. It seemed to be getting more and more crowded anyway, so you hardly had any room to move even if you wanted to.

Fair

Think i'd just rather be doing anything other than writing this essay

Idk if id go so far as to say id rather be writing an essay but it'd defo rather be in bed 😴👵

Oh yeah thatd be my preferred choice too but i guess i'll just have to make do with coffee instead of sleep

Why dont you just go home tho?

That was a good point, you could go home. You didn't think Liv would mind, she was having fun and her friends lived close enough that sharing a cab home with them wouldn't be an issue. The only problem was, you didn't really want to go home - what you wanted to do was go and hang out with Tom. Not while he was working, or for five minutes when you bumped into him in the kitchen, but just...because. You nibbled at your bottom lip as you considered your options, flashing a smile-and-nod at Liv when she looked over at you and you lipread her shouting 'you okay?' at you. The library was just across the car park in the center of the campus, you could just pop in and say hello... and the coffee from the Lavazza branded machine downstairs in the SU was better than the weird generic one in the library.

I actually might you know

You typed out the next message really fast, taking a deep breath in before pressing send.

Could bring you a coffee on my way past?

Eyes trained on the screen, you held your breath as Tom is typing... popped up, disappeared, reappeared, then disappeared again.

You would be saving my life

Aaaand exhale.

Only seems fair

You'd almost forgotten where you were, if it weren't for the people jostling you around and the balls of your feet screaming in pain from your heels.

Haha yeah i think you probably owe me a latte or 7

Your heart was beating in your chest, and this was definitely how you saw your night going when you gulped down that glass of tepid chardonnay, but you couldn't say you were mad about it.

Exactly

So a latte then yeah?

Wait youre actually gonna ditch a night out and bring me a coffee?

Yep, that's exactly what you're doing.

Apparently so

Then yes a latte pls

Coming right up (that's what baristas say right?)

God how fucking cringe --

I think so idk im not a very good one

Youre ok

cheers

Weaving your way away from the group, you mimed taking a drink at Liv when she grabbed your arm as you passed her. You weren't really lying, you were going to get a drink, it was just going to be a caffeinated one instead of an alcoholic one. You couldn't be bothered explaining that to her right now, though, and she was already turning back to her friends and taking one of their faces in her hands to yell lyrics at them, so you didn't feel too bad about leaving her.

Your feet hurt a little less (only a little though) as you made your way down the stairs, and you only got a few weird looks as you got two lattes from the coffee machine. You got rather more weird looks, however, when you walked into the library. There was hardly anyone there at this time, just a handful of zombie-like students dotted around and a couple of security staff at the door keeping an eye on things, but every single one of them looked at you at least once as you meandered over to where Tom had told you he'd be. You couldn't really blame them though, it was gone midnight and there you were, clip-clopping through the university library in absurd heels and a dress that showed rather more of your skin than you would normally have exposed in that setting. You felt a little self-conscious, but with a cup of coffee in each hand you couldn't pull it down, so you had to make do with taking short, shuffling steps to try and minimise how far up your thighs the fabric would ride as you walked.

Just as he'd said, you found Tom at a table in the group study area. Books, balled up sheets of paper, pens and empty drinks cans littered the desk, looking rather more disorderly than his Instagram story had depicted. He hadn't seen you yet, and he looked to be deep in thought. Hunched over his laptop, the glow of the screen reflected in his glasses, his fingers were spread out across the keyboard as though he was about to start typing. In the time it took you to walk over, however, he didn't press a single key, and when you set one of the cups down beside him he jumped slightly, taking a sharp breath in like you'd startled him. Less 'deep in thought' and more 'in a deep trance', perhaps.

Tom groaned when you giggled, pulling his earphones from his ears and blinking rapidly to try and reawaken his eyes.

"You're a lifesaver, thank you."

He gave you a small smile as he reached for his coffee, his face tired but eyes still bright as he looked up at you. You could feel his gaze scanning over your body, making you feel a different kind of self-conscious - the kind that made you smooth out your dress to sit nicely across your thighs now that you had a free hand, rather than tugging it down as far as it would go like you wanted to when you walked in.

"No worries."

Hovering awkwardly beside the desk, it only then occurred to you that Tom probably wanted you to leave so he could get on with his essay and get out of the library as quickly as possible. He seemed to sense this train of thought from you, because he hummed something incoherent through a mouthful of coffee and scrambled to move some of his crap aside so there was space for you to sit at the table.

"Sorry--"

"Oh, um-"

You did a sort of half-laugh, stepping back out of the way to let him push papers and books aside. There were about six chairs dotted around the table, but as he'd cleared a space at the one closest to him, just around the corner of the square table, you picked that one.

"How's it going?" You took a sip of your own coffee, nodding towards the laptop between you. "-or should I not ask?"

"Ugh, don't ask." Tom groaned, leaning back and bringing his leg up so his foot rested on his chair, bent knee exposed by the rips in his faded black jeans. "S'not even due 'til next week but I thought I'd just get it done and out of the way 'cause I've got work and shit to do but..."

He trailed off, shrugging.

"Not happening?"

"Not happening."

You hummed, clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth. You knew the feeling, no stranger to complete lack of motivation yourself. Looking around at the books scattered across the table, you realised you didn't actually know what Tom studied, but it seemed like he didn't really want to talk about uni work, so instead of asking about his degree, you said:

"I didn't know you wore glasses."

Nice nonsequiteur, good one.

"Hm? Oh, yeah," Tom took the frames off and set them down on his laptop keyboard, rubbing the inner corners of his eyes with his knuckles. "Just for computer stuff, you know?"

"Oh, cool." You looked down at your cup as you brought it up to your lips. "I like them. On - on you."

Your eyes flicked over to him as you took a sip, darting back to your cup before he could catch your eye.

"Thanks."

You just smiled, hoping the general feeling of '!!!!!!!' in your head wasn't evident on your face.

"So, SU not living up to your expectations tonight?"

Shaking your head, you set your cup down before launching into an explanation of everything that had contributed to your less-than-satisfactory night. You didn't mean to go off on one, but Tom was laughing at how exasperated you were getting about tiny inconveniences, and before you knew it, you'd been rambling for God knows how long, which lead to Tom ranting about all the annoying things he'd witnessed people doing in the library that afternoon, and before long an hour had passed and the conversation had turned, as it often does with millenials, to memes.

"Wait you haven't seen that one? It's fucking hilarious, I've got it saved on my phone so I can look at it, like, daily."

You opened your bag to take out your phone, your smile freezing on your lips as a thought crossed your mind. Unzipping the inside pocket, your fingers skipped over the contents one by one - lipgloss, lash glue, gum, tampon - until your suspicions were confirmed.

"Oh fuck."

Tom hummed a question mark in response, eyebrows raised at your sudden shift in temperament.

"I haven't got my house keys," you frowned, trying to remember the last time you saw them.

"Shit - d'you reckon you dropped them in the union?"

"Nah," You shook your head as it came back to you - you were in a rush to shove your stuff into your bag before leaving for predrinks, and you distinctly remembered thinking 'I need to grab my keys from my backpack', but then Liv asked to borrow a lipstick and you immediately forgot about your keys.

"I know where they are, they're at home. It's cool I'll just text Liv and see if she's still out or what, maybe get a cab home with her."

After tapping out a quick text to Liv, you looked back to Tom, setting your phone facedown on the table. He was looking at you questioningly, glancing between you and your phone. You blinked at him uselessly, mind drawing a blank when you attempted to remember why exactly you opened your bag in the first place.

"Uh, you were gonna show me..." he trailed off, gesturing to your phone.

Uhhh duhhhhhhhh. Jesus girl, get it together.

Re-engaging your brain, you pulled up the screenshot, hoping he couldn't feel the heat radiating off your cheeks or notice the way your fingers were trembling ever so slightly as they gripped your phone. Either he didn't or he declined to comment on it, showing you a vine compilation video on his laptop instead. You ended up burrowing deeper and deeper into a meme-rabbit-hole, shifting closer to the edge of your seat with each embarrassingly loud laugh, and for a little while you forgot about your key dilemma.

"I think-" you began, interrupted by your fifth yawn in as many minutes. "I think I need to go to bed."

"Same - hey did Liv text you back?"

"Shit. Uhh-"

You checked your notifications, and sure enough there was one from Liv, received twenty-five minutes ago.

No lmao debrief tomo xxxxxx

You didn't realise Tom was reading over your shoulder until you heard a soft 'ah' in your ear. Your eyes scanned the rest of the screen in a panic, but thankfully found no incriminating evidence of your growing interest in the boy beside you, or of Liv's in his best friend. Making a slightly strangled 'hmm' sound, you tapped the phone icon at the top of the screen.

"I'll call her and see what-"

You'd barely brought the phone to your ear before a cool voice welcomed you to O2 voice mail. You knew it all too well - Liv was notorious for letting her battery die, preferring to use that last 2% on Snapchat than saving it in case one of her housemates gets locked out.

"Bollocks."

"She alright?" Tom leaned back in his seat, concern ghosting over his tired features.

"Yeah yeah, she was with a load of her friends so they've probably gone back to one of theirs to smoke or something. She'll be fine. I'm kinda fucked, though."

A beat of silence passed while you tried to come up with a solution that didn't involve you sleeping in the library, but with Madison miles away and Liv MIA, you were coming up blank.

"You can stay at mine?"

Sorry, what? You blinked at Tom, certain you had misheard him.

"If-if you want. I could sleep on the sofa or something and you could have my room."

Yep, no, that's what he said.

"Oh, I-"

"Just, um, you know, if you can't go home-"

"Would, uh, is that okay?"

"Yeah," He nodded, a soft smile in his voice. " 'course."

You bit down gently on your bottom lip, your own smile threatening to spread across your face.

"Thanks."

Your voice came out as barely more than a whisper, a squeak really. He was still so close, your shoulders almost touching where you'd been looking down at your phone together. This felt much closer though, face to face, your eyes able to count the freckles smattered across his nose and cheeks, see the indent of a chickenpox scar near his right eyebrow, another one on the left side of his nose. You didn't dare let your vision travel any further south than the bridge of his nose, not sure of what you'd do if you looked down and saw that easy smile that he wore so well.

But then again, maybe you could just sneak a glance...

Tom cleared his throat, the sound making both of you jolt back ever so slightly into your seats.

"Um, should we-"

"Yeah, yeah-"

Silence settled over you as you gathered up Tom's stuff off the table, stopping to shove your coffee cups and all his other rubbish into a bin on the way out. By the time you got to Tom's car though, conversation had started to flow again, and he gave you free rein over the music, so the short drive passed with only mild awkwardness between you.

Tom's bedroom turned out to be behind the locked door you'd seen that first night at predrinks, the mystery room on the ground floor at the front of the house. Unsure of the social protocol in situations like this, you hovered by the door as Tom turned on the lamp on his bedside table, dumping his stuff on the floor by his desk. The lamp didn't provide too much light, most of the room still shrouded in darkness, so you focused your attention on the carpet by your feet, fibres frayed where they met the skirting board.

"Do you want Super Noodles?"

Your head jerked up, a laugh spluttering past your lips because what? But then, also, yes, yes you did want Super Noodles.

"Yeah, actually."

"D'you wanna put something on TV and I'll..." he trailed off, pointing in the general direction of the kitchen.

"Sure."

You perched on the end of Tom's bed while he fiddled with his TV and PS4 that sat atop a chest of drawers opposite you, bringing up Netflix and passing you the controller.

"D'you know how to..."

"Mmhmm."

"Cool."

You flicked the edges of the shoulder buttons with your fingers, the soft clicks the only sound beyond the hum of the TV as you looked up at Tom from the edge of his bed, nodding his head slowly as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He cleared his throat again, taking a jerky step away from you.

"Okay, uh, I'll just- yeah."

Letting out a deep breath once he'd left the room, you started to flick through the options on the screen. You eventually settled on Friends - everyone likes Friends, plus then it wasn't a whole movie or hour long episode you'd have to sit through if it got awkward. You hoped it wouldn't be awkward, things had been getting progressively less awkward between you, but this was different. You were in his room at two in the morning, sat on his bed in a rather revealing dress, more of your bare thigh in contact with the soft cotton of his sheets than you had expected when you left the house earlier that evening. That reminded you - were you going to sleep in your dress? It wasn't very comfortable so you'd really rather not, but were you going to ask him for something to wear? Were you bollocks. So, you'd resigned yourself to being uncomfortable and hoping that nothing popped out in the night when Tom returned from the kitchen, backing into the room with a bowl of noodles in each hand.

"Thanks," you gave him a shy smile as you took one of the bowls from him, the heat of the ceramic almost as hot as the flush that crept up the back of your neck when he smiled back.

"Do you want something else to wear?" Tom's eyes widened as soon as the words left his mouth, realising how they sounded. "Not that you don't look- it's just it doesn't look that comfortable, and-"

"Yes, please."

"Okay," he breathed when you cut him off, nodding. "Um..."

Setting his bowl on top of his chest of drawers, he rummaged through for something to give you. His figure was obscured by the light of the TV screen, the bright white of the Netflix logo blurring the edges of your vision. You had to blink a few times after he turned around before you could see properly again, as though you'd just looked directly into the sun.

Stop blinking so much, he's going to think you've got a twitch, or an eye infection or something.

Trying to keep your eyes open as long as possible (without looking shocked), you swapped your bowl for the t shirt and pair of blue checked pyjama bottoms he handed you.

"I'll just go, uh, get changed then."

Shutting Tom's door behind you, you darted upstairs to the bathroom. You had no idea if Harrison was in or not, but you would really rather not bump into him just then, knowing he'd be insufferable. After changing into Tom's clothes (definitely not noticing how they smelt innately comforting, fresh but still warm) you peeled off your false eyelashes, popping them into your handbag. That was about all you could do in terms of make up removal, so you just had to hope you had remembered to put on setting spray earlier and that you wouldn't wake up with panda eyes and a stained pillow case.

Tom had turned the light off and changed into a pair of joggers when you got back to his room, settled at the head of the bed atop the covers with just the glow of the TV lighting the room and reflecting off his glasses. Placing your bag and folded dress beside your heels on the floor by the door, you sat cross-legged beside him, taking the bowl he handed you with a quiet thanks. You munched your way through your noodles as the first episode played, sneaking glances at the boy beside you every now and then.

By the time the second episode started, two empty bowls were stacked on the bedside table, and you were getting sleepier and sleepier, pulling the covers up over your legs. You slipped further and further down the bed as the episode went on, your eyes growing heavier and heavier until you were almost asleep.

"I'm just gonna..." you sighed, rolling into your side and curling your legs up closer to your chest.

"I'll uh- I'll go."

The mattress dipped as Tom pushed himself up, moving to get up, but you shook your head, eyes still closed.

"Mmmno."

Tom froze, a nervous laugh stuttering from the back of his throat.

"What?"

Half-asleep, you looked up at him, sliding your hand across the mattress and under your cheek beneath the pillow.

"Stay."

You thought you heard him make a sound, but your eyes were already closing again, your mind too sleepy to comprehend anything beyond the fact that his body was warm beside yours and you didn't want him to leave. The whys and hows weren't too important just then.

The bed shifted a few more times as Tom reached for the remote to turn off the TV and set his glasses aside, letting out a low, deep breath as he lay down next to you. You were all but asleep, so you weren't sure if you imagined it, but you thought you felt his hand brush against yours as he mirrored your position, lying on his side with an arm curled up under his pillow.

Hm.

You stuck out your little finger to test, just to see - and sure enough, it bumped against his. Still half-asleep (or at least, that would be your excuse if he moved away), you lifted your finger up to lay it over his, feeling his digit flex as he hooked it around yours. That, you were pretty sure, you didn't imagine.

You really were tired, honestly so so close to being asleep, but now all you could hear was your breathing, and Tom's breathing, and the hammering of your heart in your chest, and it was all a bit much.

You opened one eye, and from the slither of light coming in around the curtains from the streetlamp outside you could just about make out one side of Tom's face - enough to know he was looking at you.

"Hi," he breathed.

"Hey."

Your eyes closed when he'd repositioned, you hadn't realised quite how close your faces were, only the width of your hands between you. Nibbling on your bottom lip, you glanced between his eyes, fixed on yours, and his lips, slightly parted.

Is he getting closer??

You tried to regulate your breathing, but he was definitely getting closer, and you could feel the warmth of his breath on your lips as you swallowed harshly.

"S-sorry you didn't get to finish your essay."

Tom chuckled softly, and your noses were almost touching, and suddenly his hand was gone from beside yours under the pillow, a finger hooked under your chin instead.

"It's fine."

Nudging the side of your nose with his, he tilted your face up and away from the pillow, the quiet 'oh' dying on your lips as he captured them between his own.

Oh, indeed.

⋘TWO | FOUR⋙

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#tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland fluff #tom holland uni au

[dabistits]

im super conflicted abt hawks atm but i was thinking abt his parallels with shigaraki and i was wondering kinda why there's a difference between wanting 'redemption' (i dont think this is the right word but i cant think of a better one 'want better' maybe?) for shigaraki but not for hawks? is it bc he made a permanent decision to kill twice as essentially an agent of the state?

Just to preface, I don’t think I’m objectively right for just wanting Hawks to eat shit immediately in the next chapter. I’m just complaining because a lot of people who “love both Hawks and Twice” and “think Hawks was wrong, but…” are hard to get away from without going in the other direction toward a group of people who have shitty fandom behavior, whose opinions about the Hawks/Twice situation are (unfortunately) much closer to my own. I don’t think there’s necessarily a “correct” way to feel about Hawks, but I feel differently than a lot of people I see around (who, ironically, are the ones insisting that there’s a “correct” way to feel about Hawks), and that’s frustrating. I want to be done with Hawks. I don’t want him to get any more focus in canon, I don’t want to see more posts about how Hawks committing murder is an indication of inner turmoil instead of him choosing a side, I don’t want to keep running into posts that tack on “but Hawks is also sad/a victim” in discussing what’s pretty clearly a tragedy for Jin and the LOV that Hawks was completely and 100% solely responsible for.

But, yeah, sure. I’ll also explain what I think is the difference between Tomura and Hawks:

1. Part of it is emotional and not logical for sure. I love Jin a lot. He embodies the person who has faced incredible adversity, and still comes out on the other side ready to love and open his heart to others, moreover to protect others. I’m not like that at all, but I think it’s very admirable. So in that sense, it hurts on a personal level to lose him over anyone else, and I can’t not associate that with Hawks, since he’s the killer.

2. Jin is a significant death. The nameless minions that Tomura has killed (many of whom were active “Quirk supremacists”) don’t mean anything to me compared to Jin, and?? Through the lens of narrative, I think that makes Tomura more forgivable, because I genuinely have no interest in there being any plot “resolution” with, like, the dead anti-mutant cultists, because I just do not care about them.

3. Tomura, especially early Tomura, has threatened to go places that are unforgivable, like leaving All Might’s students dead and forcibly bringing Bakugou over to their side (whatever terrible procedure that may have entailed). The difference is that the narrative never actually allowed him to cross that line by actually killing the kids, who we do care about as characters, so while the intent in itself is pretty awful, he was never allowed to complete the action that would take him over to the point of no return. Hawks, however, did cross the line by killing someone who we care about and who is narratively established as a “good person,” who even Hawks concedes is a good person.

3. a. I don’t like the MLA ideologically and I don’t like the decision to have the LOV team up with them. But, again, their takeover plan has been stopped in its tracks, which I’m actually fine with to prevent the LOV from crossing the moral event horizon, but that’s, like… completely irrelevant to me thinking Hawks shouldn’t have killed Jin.

3. b. Though there’s still a chance for Tomura to cross the moral event horizon, and I’m not going to convince myself that it won’t happen. If it’s going to happen, I think it’s highly possible that it might happen in this arc, because now Jin is dead and we know how Tomura and the LOV have historically responded to their friends getting hurt. I, and many others, have called Jin the “heart” of the LOV (his name is also literally written with the kanji for “benevolence”), and now without him, there is no remaining heart nor goodwill.

4. Although both Tomura and Hawks are, on one level, fighting on behalf of the ideals that they were “raised into,” their fights happen in very different ways. The MLA arc in particular made clear that the villains are, in part, fighting for their very survival in ways heroes just aren’t. The threat that the LOV were living under was constant—when it wasn’t heroes or other villain groups, it was trying to find money and shelter and essential upkeep. Hawks may not be “free” from the HPSC or the occasional villain attack, but he’s free from those constant material struggles. He’s not an “underdog.” 

4. a. Tomura is also, in part, fighting to protect his marginalized friends. It’s for sure not on behalf of every marginalized person, but it’s certainly more than we’ve seen any pro hero fight for. The people Tomura is surrounded with are people who have never been protected nor cared for before, because they were not deemed “innocent” enough to deserve that care and protection, and Tomura continued to care for them even when it was troublesome for him to do so, when they disagreed with him, when they threatened him, and when they fucked up very, very badly. 

4. a. i. Eri is an example of a victim who the heroes fought for, but she’s an easy case to want to love and protect: Overhaul was inarguably an abuser who wanted to elevate the yakuza, she was being used in extended torture-experiment sessions, she killed her father on accident, she’s a child, she’s innocent, she’s selfless, she’s well-behaved. It’s basically not even a question whether or not she “deserves” help.

4. b. It’s people who are difficult who get overlooked. Hawks and hero society are completely unprepared to protect and care for people who don’t behave as they’re supposed to. Hawks did not care for the LOV who didn’t personally befriend him. For the one he did, when Jin didn’t cooperate the way Hawks wanted, he went for the kill. It’s either being easy and “manageable,” or die.

4. b. i. Tomura has specifically spared two people who tried to kill him or actually succeeded in killing his ally, people who he explicitly hated or did not care for. So make of that what you will, I guess.

5. From a leftist perspective, it’s just impossible not to account for the fact that Hawks helps maintain a social structure that creates so much suffering. The question isn’t really whether AFO’s teachings to Tomura are better (they’re not, and I want Tomura to break away from them), but it can’t really be ignored that Hawks is enforcing an ideal that’s wildly popular. Why this matters is that Tomura doing the wrong things will be roundly condemned, and he’ll probably be “punished” for them; but heroes are very unlikely to be punished or held accountable for committing murder, especially if it’s “justified.” 

5. a. This is problematic because it allows heroes, and the state, to define what a justified “emergency situation” is, and who can die in those emergencies. The people who are deemed killable “in an emergency” are usually those who are already marginalized; hence heroes can wait until those marginalized people get desperate enough to commit villainous acts, and then they can swoop in to arrest or kill them to widespread public acclaim.

5. b. Heroes (and law enforcement IRL) don’t address the roots of crime that lie in overarching oppressive structures like misogyny and capitalism. They don’t prevent theft by bringing people financial stability; they arrest people who were desperate enough to steal, and use those people to send a message to poor people everywhere. They make these conditions of desperation more permanent by punishing the most vulnerable people when they slip up, while doing absolutely nothing until the slip-up happens.

5. c. Heroes are punching down, and villains are punching up. That may not be the case with AFO, but I believe it with the LOV specifically, and I believe this matters because it’s exemplified between Hawks and Twice. Hawks targets someone who reached out to him, despite being hurt over and over again by types like him, who has dealt with poverty and fantasy mentally illness completely on his own, and kills him in defense of the very society that allowed all those things to happen to Jin. Hawks was given a choice: sympathize and relate to Jin, and acknowledge his well-founded grievances toward a dysfunctional society, or prioritize the safety and security of that dysfunctional society by permanently removing Jin from the equation. The choice he believes in is the choice he made.

5. d. In order for Tomura to make the same choice with the same implications, they’d have to be living in an alternate universe, in the Kingdom of AFO, where Tomura is a respected noble who infiltrates a rebel group who were going to “commit atrocities,” kills the one person who offered him a way out of AFO’s control, and possibly screws the rebels altogether, but everyone is happy that the rebels are gone. Even if you think Tomura is capable of that, it’s irrelevant because canon!BNHA has completely different power dynamics. Because Tomura’s violence will always be unpopular and persecuted, rather than justified and glorified by the state, he physically cannot replicate a choice like Hawks’. Tomura can approximate it, but even if he does, he’ll be hunted down by heroes for doing so. The circumstances and consequences for making such a choice are totally different.

So. That’s why I don’t think Tomura and Hawks can be equated. Suggesting that this is a level playing field is essentially believing that criminals and law enforcement exist on level playing fields, and they absolutely do not at all. Hawks is particularly abhorrent because he’s already followed through with his choice. He holds power by being part of the policing class, and regardless of how he came into it, he behaves exactly the same as everyone else who “freely” joined, and in his position of power he made the choice to eliminate someone who was socially powerless.

#ask #commentary #long post /

[azspot]

“Just another hustle” is what I thought about all of it at first, but two more episodes changed my mind. I discovered I had a conscience after all. The first was in 1993, when I was still a copy editor. All of us minions were pulled onto a big project, which was to come up with a presentation for Congress to help defeat—or at least eviscerate—Bill Clinton’s new Comprehensive Childhood Immunization Act, which would guarantee free vaccines to every child. I forget who the client was, one of the big vaccine producers, obviously. (Like the clients in my other profession, they are mostly interchangeable and entirely forgettable.) I did a lot of rewriting, really got into it, pretending it was only an exercise, assuring myself that my work didn’t matter. The client was so thrilled with our efforts that we all got a little bonus, which was dinner for two at any restaurant. I picked Boulet, one of the most expensive places in town. My friend and I both ordered the seven-course tasting menu.

Meanwhile, I got to thinking about how I was selling myself cheap. And it began to dawn on me I was on the wrong side of history. Years later, I would learn about white people standing on the pedestal of genocide and slavery, but that collusion with the pharmaceutical lobby in 1993 marked the beginning of my raised awareness.

Up until that incident, I saw myself as merely a cog in the machine, and therefore, magically absolved. I think a lot of us who work for corporations feel this way—we’re just following orders. Individuals, from the top down, are rarely held accountable, and this reinforces the notion that no one is responsible. Knowing I had done something wrong almost felt good, as it reminded me that I am human and therefore capable of making ethical choices. Prostitution could never have stirred me in quite the same way, because back then, my conscience was clear. I took an almost self-righteous pride in working outside the law. Lately, rather than continue to dismiss that stance as the folly of youth, I’m coming around to thinking I may have been right.

The second wake-up call came years later, in the winter of 2000. By then, I was a copy supervisor—which is to say, fully complicit. I was assigned to promote Omnicef, an antibiotic targeted primarily for otitis media (ear infections) in little children. The problem is that most ear infections are a combination of bacterial and viral. If they were only bacterial, Omnicef would be as good a solution as any; however, much of the time, they’re also viral, and viruses don’t respond to antibiotics.

The good news is that most otitis media infections resolve on their own in a week or less. The client knew this; doctors did, too—we all did. The only people who didn’t were the little children and their parents. But that didn’t keep pediatricians from prescribing Omnicef as a placebo. Why did they do this, especially when a mountain of evidence already showed that antibiotics were being overprescribed, and various bacteria were becoming resistant? I’ll tell you why: parents come into the doctor’s office with toddlers screaming in pain and plead, “My child is in agony, doctor, please do something!” Doctors knows they can do very little, but that’s not a good look, so they prescribe Omnicef or one of its myriad competitors. They tell parents that the earache will take four or five days to resolve (which, it’s never mentioned, is exactly how long it would take without treatment) and the patients leave the doctor’s office feeling grateful.

This time, there was no fancy dinner—it was just what I got paid to do. Once again, I thought I was inured, but the Omnicef account started to mess with my sleep. My morality, such as it was, had undeniably been compromised, and I began to question capitalism itself in a new way. Why was it the presiding global system? What happened to Marx? What happened to the forty-hour work week, for that matter? I managed to ignore this little voice in my head as I continued to distract myself by climbing up; I became preoccupied with my rank. Eventually, I lateraled out and went freelance—which I used to say was like going from enslavement to indentured servitude.

#pharma

[elliot-orion]

63 - 73 :)

YAY thank you!! think i’ll do this for blake from the doll maker, cus why not i love them.

63. How self-disciplined is your oc? Do they often think before they act, or the other way around?

Blake doesn't do anything before thinking about it. There’s a reason that they’ve never been caught before after all. But when it comes to spending money and eating things they like they are crazy undisciplined and will buy and eat whatever they feel like. 

64. Which of the seven deadly sins does your oc fall under most? What about the seven heavenly virtues?

Hmm... Pride and Patience I’d say. Pride bc this kid has an ego and loves to taunt the police, and patience because they can be very patient and plan things out in advance by a lot

65. If you were to give your oc a new superpower, what would you choose and why? If *they* were to be able to choose, what would it be and why?

Blake doesn't actually have any powers or abilities, but if i were to give them one they’d like shapeshifting because it’d make their uh... hobby of murdering people much easier. I’d probably give them superintelligence. they are already incredibly smart, might as well take it to the extreme right? 

66. What sort of advice would people go to your oc for? What sort of advice is your oc actually good at giving?

how to get away with murder... though since no one knows that they are the Puppeteer, then probably tattoo advice since that’s Blake’s day job. They’d be very damn good at murder advice though.

67. How many people does your oc prefer to be around? A crowd, a few friends, or all on their own?

a total of no one. Blake isn’t great at socializing or being around people, they make them uncomfortable and people feel unsafe. they do it bc albis are good, but yea they arent a fan and it really shows. Combined with the PTSD effects, people tend to assume they are autistic bc of it. they aren’t, or at least I’m not writing it as if they are,  its more from their PTSD, trust issues and general distaste for people that makes them so opposed to people, but from how they present its what people think and they are fine letting those assumptions be made. It doesn't help they follow a schedule very strictly, but that’s for alibi purposes again and because they like order and neatness. they think humans are gross for how chaotic and ugly they are.

68. What sorts of things would cheer your oc up when they’re down? Is your oc sad often, or is it more rare?

Ball jointed dolls, complimenting their art or dolls, sweets, mentioning the Puppeteer’s work in a positive light (a rare thing, Blake’s murder art is you know. murdery), stuff like that. Blake’s internal world is very blank and flat, though externally they can come off much different if they want to, so although they can appear sad at appropriate times they don't often get genuinely sad. Blake is full of contradictions and it makes them very hard to write/get a good idea for just because they can be whoever they need in a situation. Why did i decide to write a story that’s 2 MCs are such psychopaths...

69. How energetic is your oc? Are they constantly tired, or constantly bouncing off the walls?

Pretty tame, all in all. very much an introvert and tend to not go to parties or events or anything. I wouldn't say constantly tired but they are very flat. 

70. What about your oc’s lifestyle would they change if they had the ability? Why?

They wouldn’t socialize if they didn't have to for alibis. people are ugly to them, they don’t want to be near them and would rather stay with their dolls and art.

71. What is your oc’s go-to for offense? What weapon, what style of fighting? Or are words more their weapon of choice?

When murdering people, Blake will drug someone somehow, it depends on where they find the person. They ‘disappear’ the person for a while, taking them to the basement of a very old house that 100% has asbestos but they dont care, so that they can get everything set up and usually butcher the body, before disguising themself and taking the person/persons in the back of a hotwired car to the location for their tableau. they make art with their victims, sort of Hannibal style wherein they occasionally copy art, but they prefer to make it their own. Some famous ones were in a church whereone who rose from a coffin with its arms up in application to the body nailed to a cross above it , one in a kids classroom where people made into moveable puppets did a little dance in the puppet theater (which was one of his first and how he got the name Puppeteer), and then one with two people facing in a gazebo, one a girl who was a 16 and one a boy who was 17. Those two were their youngest kills. They’ve killed about 15 people by now and there’s no leads on them. Also fun story most of those people stayed alive for a good chunk of the time, except for the puppet ones, those died a lot earlier than most. If you want an even bigger ick, they castrate anyone with a dick. :) its a horror story bitches what do you want from me

72. What is your oc’s ideal environment like? Urban or natural? Fancy or rustic? What’s the weather like?

Urban, but they dont have much preference beyond that. as long as they can blend in they dont care. their apartment is fairly empty, its got a lot of their art on the wall, but not much furniture, tho there is a lot of dolls, art supplies and random knickknacks from thrift stores around. Blake loves thrift stores.

73. If your oc were to be arrested, what would it most likely be for? Is it justified? Have they actually been arrested before?

Murder, yes, and yes. They got arrested for shoplifting as a kid bc they were hungry and there was no food at home and no school since it was winter break. they’ve since burned off their fingerprints (they are both a sadist and a masochist and found it fun) and since they were 11 at the time they dont particularly care.

Thanks again for the questions!!!!!!!!

[therewas-a-girl]

Shipwrecks, Of the Wretched, de profundis ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

the 

you think i will be intimidated by this BUT CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!! *cracks knuckles*

Shipwrecks

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

this fic is written mostly traditionally tbh - its cronologically told, in third person and mostly from one pov which is (and will be) feclicity. however, i have changed my mind about a lot of things since i started the fic - for one, i want to incorporate the whole ‘unreliable narrator’ thing a lot more. i want to use flashbacks more carefully: playing with timelines in how cetain present time events triger past moemories that illuminate the REASON behind present time choices. things like that. 

the real inspiration for the fic itself was another fic i read -  I've Never Truly Loved (Until You Put Your Arms Around Me) by theirhappystory. And the fact that i read that fic ... while i was on a boat... while there was a storm. a small one BUT STILL. 

2: What scene did you first put down?

Whatever Walks Here, Walks Alone - aka oliver looking at felicity in the lair. by itself this scene could fit anywhere from the begining of season 1, to anywhere in season 2. i didnt really write it with a timeline in mind. it was mroe like me pondering the characters. 

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

i had a LOT of fun - unexpected fun - writing Diggle’s pov in teh whole situation. you see, when i started the story the first thing i wanted to figure out was where do i want the characters to end up in relation to each other - so that i could start the story with them being in the diametrically opposite  spot! but then i realized that i also want contrast within the trio - and where oliver and felicity move towards each other at a glacial pace, john and felicty have a much more easy time understanding where the other stands. like... they vibe. and it had a lot o fun planing out that vibe - and all teh ways it pisses off oliver, in the begining. 

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

To answer this i would have to go back and re-read a lot of what i wrote and plan to write, but there is a line that STAYS with me and its one felicity says. 

so - in the show, the trio do eventually find out that the Gambit was sabotaged and did not just sink. Now - in Shipwrecks - this would have  a major devastating effect on felicity, who was in the gambit with oliver and sara. And she is the one that has the hunch that moira was involved (i think this happens in canon too?) - and she pushes oliver about it. Bc ofc she thinks of moira as just another person. Worse even - a person who hurt her. At this point she is MANIC about it and it freaks oliver out. Like, take the natural defensiveness he has against the idea and add a fear that felicity might genuinely kill his mother, and you get him being very agressively AGAINST felicity following moira anywhere. and when felicity understands that oliver has no intention of pursuing a what she sees as a genuine lead about the event that practically ruined them as people, she just, shuts down, makes a disgusted face, thinks of all the ritch fuckers she’s known and framed and used and how they close ranks when their reputation or personal interest is touched and just, blurts it out.  

 ‘you fucking people.’ 

5: What part was hardest to write?

all of it lmao. like WRITING IT. 

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

The fact that i planned it out and it has like, different installments and a whole journey, which is one of losing oneself, understanding that ones self has been lost, seeing vengence for that loss (aka giving in/facing the anger it causes), seeking freedom, going against ones impulses to build better ones, building relationships, mantaining them, finding ones self through small acts of kindness towards ones self, rebuilding ones personality

basically i wrote a journey about getting out of depression and grief, before i realized that THAT was what i was actually writing about. 

7: Where did the title come from?

The title of the series is pretty straightforward: they were shipwrecked and now theyre coming back. 'above the vaulted sky’ is a line from a I am, by John Claire.  

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows;My friends forsake me like a memory lost:I am the self-consumer of my woes—They rise and vanish in oblivious host,Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throesAnd yet I am, and live—like vapours tossedInto the nothingness of scorn and noise,Into the living sea of waking dreams,Where there is neither sense of life or joys,But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;Even the dearest that I loved the bestAre strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest.I long for scenes where man hath never trodA place where woman never smiled or weptThere to abide with my Creator, God,And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,Untroubling and untroubled where I lieThe grass below—above the vaulted sky.

It’s a rather sad one actually, but i read it as a poem about hope. About the dream of hope, anyway. And this need to be away - from what is known because at this point what is known is horrible and the only happiness the imagination can come up with, is to be as far from it as possible and alone. and that is very much where felicity starts out with. With her hope not being about peace, but an isolation in stillness because that is the only good place she can imagine. 

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

It did. I’ve been depressed and strugling with horrendous issues of self worth and anxiety since i was about 14. And i never knew. It literally took me turning 28 to realize what the fuck was wrong. And its depressing (lol) because its just so much fucking time that i wasted, you know. And i remember - like, when i was deep in my depression - i used to think all the time ‘I must have been a real life person once. Like, an actual person, with a personality, and likes and dislikes and feelings - but i dont remember her. I dont know who that girl even is, i woudlnt regognise her at all.’ It felt like some part of me had died. Like there was literal murder involved. Cause so little of me survived. 

but it turns out, i have been this way - just less intensely (and in some cases a lot MORE intensely) since i hit puberty. i didnt die - i just got worse and did not deal with it at all.  

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

not really. not yet, anyway. 

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

im actually not sure that i do want oliver-felicity for this sotry. the dynamic between felicity and tommy is also very veyr interesting. and i dont really know where i will take them. especially in the first and second story, their connection is intense. but this is also part of teh slowburn - oliver and felicity, however it happens, its gonna be slow. 

11: What do you like best about this fic?

how personal it is to me, and my experience. and the fact that, if i write it well, i might actually be sayin something. 

12: What do you like least about this fic?

THE FACT THAT I HAVENT WRITTEN IT YET T_T

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

PHEW I have whole playlists i built as i was ordering this whole series. with songs that fit the mood, the direction of the storytelling and all. 

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I genuinely want people to see this as a story about healing.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

i havent written all of it yet - but i did learn something very interesting about myself. that i have been putting my trauma into narratives to deal with it looong since i knew that was a thing, or i was even aware that i was doing it. 

and on that depressing note, i will end this post and start a new one for the other stories lmao 

#personal #shipwrecks tag #deathandindignitybedamned

[bluebeetle]

Tell me about your dnd ocs

oroooook super late on this sorry, as i said, computer troubles have been plaguing me and continue to do so

oook so the last image i posted that prompted this was mostly of a friends character but mine from the same game was in the corner, who is also the guy in my header:

(Art by @herobrushreplica !!)

anyways his name is Nico (short for Nicolas) and he’s a dhampir since we use a lot of homebrew, and also a ranger. so yeah he uses dueling and has some healing spells bc we are dumb and didnt plan ahead and had like no healers..... and also can turn into a bat

also hes the poor neutral good in a sea of chaotics (and one lawful good) 

He was kind of pre-existing prior to this but i expanded a bit more. anyways im lazy so ill copy-paste what i had written up already:

backstory:

A half-vampire born to a vampire hunter who's love was turned into a creature of the night as an act of revenge from a powerful vampire lord. The couple did not part nor kill each other like expected, however, and Nicolas (Nico for short) was born from this union. Raised in the art of fighting monsters and other creatures of the night, Nico learned how to use both ranged and melee weapons. He was brought up learning how all monsters--including more humanoid creatures such as Orcs, Vampire and Tieflings--were evil and it was the duty of his family to protect those in need from them.

 However, he grew up battling with his vampiric side. His father telling Nico that he was to never reveal it to anyone unless necessary, while his mother assured him he was an amazing creature, and one of good rather than evil. His relationship with his father was rocky, made worse whenever any of Nico's traits showed. He grew up unsure of his destiny, instead focusing solely on the wishes of his parents, and keeping himself distant from other people. 

 However, this was not to last forever, as while Nico aged normally until he reached 25, it seem became clear that like his mother, he was ageless. After the death of his father, Nico's mother left to sleep away her grief, leaving him alone. Nico left to travel the land, hoping to help those in trouble--occasionally for a cost--and find his way. He has a hard time opening up and trusting people, but is quick to become attached and affectionate regardless. He is plagued by feelings of doubt and uncertainty over his heritage and morality, wondering if what his father has taught him about different races is true or not. He worries about his vampire side coming out and harming people--even if he can survive on normal food and animal blood. His heritage is not something he reveals easily--as he has experienced plenty of blacklash for being a dhampir in the past.

 When it comes to taking action, he either impulsively acts, emotion taking over (often his temper) or overthinks, leaving him hesitant and confused. He's easily flustered and confused, wanting to help people and be in their company while also pushing them away in fear of them hating him for being what he is. He is bad at confrontation with authority figures, often instead going behind their backs. His main goal is to find his place in life, to chase away his feelings of loneliness and abandonment and feel assured in his morality and existence, in his choices. Or, at the very least, better understand himself.

He can survive on normal foods and animal blood, but would die if unable to eat any meat. Human blood is still tempting to him. He works best with melee weapons but has skills with the bow and whip. proficiency: arcana,athletics, perception, investigation,  survival

Personality Traits

*I judge people by their actions, not their words.

* If someone is in trouble, I’m always ready to lend help. I don’t talk about the thing that torments me.

* I’d rather not burden others with my curse. I expect danger around every corner.

* I refuse to become a victim, and I will not allow others to be victimized. I put no trust in divine beings.

* I live for the thrill of the hunt.

 Ideals:

*I try to help those in need, no matter what the personal cost. (Good) 

*I kill monsters to make the world a safer place, and to exorcise my own demons. (Good) 

 Bonds:

*I protect those who cannot protect themselves. 

*A terrible guilt consumes me. I hope that I can find redemption through my actions. 

*There’s evil in me, I can feel it. It must never be set free. 

 Flaws

*The people who knew me when I was young know my shameful secret, so I can never go home again.

* have trouble trusting in my allies. 

*I feel no compassion for the dead. They’re the lucky ones.

so yeah edgy vampire oc... but i love him. most of it ends up with everyone being well chaotic and him trying to keep some semblance of order so they can actually reach their goal but usually its. a mess. but its fun. 

my other one ive used once so i dont have anything for her but shes an aarakocra  monk named Zeera! and is Chaotic good and basically just a vehicle for me to be like “ahah what bird behaviour would be funny in this situation”. also her look is based on ornate hawk-eagles bc theyre pretty

Backstory:

Once part of the guardsmen for her tribe, Zeera has since decided she wants to see more of the world. She used to be a soldier, and has medical knowledge. She left the guardsmen, though, tired of horrible commanders. Just one problem: growing up so isolated from other races combined with general bird behaviour, means she tends to stick out as a ditsy trouble maker. 

She takes anything shiny and doesn’t really understand many social concepts such as ownership. But she does understand fighting, oh boy does she. Somewhat childish in personality, acts very birdlike. Aggressive.

Personality Traits

*I enjoy being strong and like breaking things. I face problems head-on. 

*A simple, direct solution is the best path to success.

Ideals

*Independence. When people follow orders blindly, they embrace a kind of tyranny. (Chaotic) 

*Greater Good. Our lot is to lay down our lives in defense of others. (Good)

Bonds

*Those who fight beside me are those worth dying for.

Flaws

*I have little respect for anyone who is not a proven warrior.

*I’d rather eat my armor than admit when I’m wrong.

#ask #dnd #my characters #my ocs

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[blkmxrvel]

Emergency Room

Pairing: Margot Robbie x Fem!Reader

Words: 1, 484

Request: Since it's your first Margot story maybe start out with something like the first time Margot and the reader meet/flirt? Or maybe a story about their first date? Or maybe they're already a thing but the reader is gonna ask Margot to be her gf? There's some ideas :) I'm sure you can make it super cute!

Summary: You bump into Margot on your way from school, but instead of asking for a picture or sneaking one (you know how she doesn't always want to take them), you ask for her autograph. She gives you both, ..... and a little something extra.

Warnings: None, surprisingly. Just fluffy stuff. Not edited.

A/N: Dont mind the ending its terrible. i tried to make this a brain dump, but the way my brain works... no ma'am. I’m sorry this is so bad, i haven’t been in the best mood to write lately, so this is really forced and really bad. Just to get me back into the habit. I always said I wouldn’t be the cliche this relationship is moving way too fast writer but here I am. Enjoy :)

Walking through the streets of New York was something you always enjoyed. Being able to be lost amongst thousands of other people, scanning faces and you strolled with your hands in your pockets and headphones in your ears.

Today was a fairly normal day, you had woken up, gone to class and now you were on your way home. You didn’t get much sleep last night though so your brain was pounding inside of your skull. All you wanted to do was go home, eat, and sleep the day away. You were sure there was nothing that could change that.

You decided to walk with your head down, a bad idea, you knew, but the bright life of New York City was starting to make your headache worse.  You couldn’t walk with your eyes closed, so this was the next best thing. You had gotten lost in the music, subconsciously walking to the beat. Your head bobbed lightly despite the pain that continued to get worse.

Suddenly, your body had collided with someone else’s, sending you to the ground and into a few more people. Your phone fell out of your pocket, your headphones going right along with them. A chorus of “hey’s!” “watch it, dude!” and “what the fuck!’s were thrown your way.

You screwed your eyes shut, the noise and lights almost making you cry. You tried (and failed) to look for your phone, sighing when you couldn’t find it. Someone must have grabbed it.

“Oh my God!” A voice rang out behind you. You had heard that voice before, you were sure of it. A hand was placed on your shoulder, tapping lightly. “Here let met help you up.” Grabbing the hand, you stood up, giving a small thanks, not even looking at the person. You could it was a woman based on the voice and striking accent, she was behind you.

You looked around on the ground a bit more for your phone, but to no avail.

“Oh! I’m so stupid, you must be looking for this. It flew out of your pocket and I grabbed it before anyone else could.” That voice sounded really damn familiar. You turned around, eyes nearly popping out of your head when they made eye contact with the person you bumped into.

“I- You’re- What!?” Your face felt hot and you knew for a fact it had flushed. Your hands got clammy and your heart raced. “Margot Robbie!” Seeing her flinch and her eyes look around her, you felt guilty.

“Sorry.” You said in a more hushed voice, then you started to whisper. “Margot Robbie! Oh my god I can’t believe I just bumped into my favorite person ever!” 

She laughed, holding your phone out to you more. You took it from her, cringing at the cracks that ran through out your entire screen.

“Sorry about that.” She said, nodding to your phone. You looked up at her once again and you were floored.

She was a bit taller than you, but you could see the way her eyes glistened as they looked down at you. Her hair blew almost expertly in the wind, little stragglers from her ponytail framing her face. She was just in a simple jeans and hoodie, but boy was she pretty.

“No it’s okay! Don’t worry about it, I get a new one in a year anyways.” You placed your phone in your pocket. “It was my fault anyways, I should’ve been looking.” The headache almost became unbearable, making you clench your eyes shut.

“Are you alright?” She stepped a bit closer to you and placed a hand on your arm, eyes scanning over you. Your breath caught in your throat at the sudden closeness of your idol. But you got it together.

“Yeah! I’m fine.” Your voice was wavering. “I’ve had a headache since earlier and I might have hit it on the ground a little but I’ll survive.” Her eyes squinted and you looked away from her, trying to ignore your head.

“I don’t believe it. You look to be in more pain than that. Let me take you to the emergency room, please. Just to make sure.”

Your eyes immediately opened and looked at her. “No! I couldn’t possibly do that to you. You have much better things than to be doing. I’ll be fine.”

“Please it’s the least I could do.” She looked at you and you looked at her. Your heart was still racing and you felt like you could pass out at any minute. You weren’t sure if it was from a possible concussion or the fact that the woman you were so obsessed with still had her hand on your forearm and wasn’t moving it anytime soon. Either way you knew you weren’t okay.

“Fine, fine.” You relented. Hearing her light triumphant chuckle and seeing her smug smirk may have dulled your headache a little bit, but you weren’t sure. 

“This was not how I imagined spending my day.” Margot sat in the chair next to your hospital bed. The ride to the hospital was rather interesting. Margot’s driver was more than happy to drive, (it was his job so he didn’t really have a choice), but throughout the entirety of the ride, Margot couldn’t stop....touching you. 

She didn’t know what was wrong with her, it was like she had an itch, and her hand on your arm on her shoulder on yours was the only way she could scratch it. She wasn’t really sure what had gotten into her. A crush on a fan? That was something unheard of.

“You’re telling me. Who knew that concussion’s were so disgusting. My stomach still doesn’t feel right. I’m supposed to be at home, sleeping right now.” You sighed, throwing your head back and closing your eyes. 

“So you aren’t happy to see me?”

“Not what I said. Like I said you’re my favorite person in the world.” You laughed at yourself. “It would be my luck to literally fall in front of you. Can’t say I’m the most surprised.

Margot laughed at that, keeping her eyes on your profile. You looked so serene, in a way. Sure you had a bandage wrapped around your neck, IV hooked into your arm and hospital gown on, but she was still taken aback at you.

“See? It’s not all bad.” She sat back, still admiring your features when the doctor came back in.

“Alright,” He said as he came to stand next to you, your eyes still closed. The room way dark, to help your headache until the morphine kicked in. “Your x-rays look good, no bleeding, a little bit of swollen but that’s to be expected.” He went to go wash his hands and grab a light. He looked to Margot.

“She won’t be able to run, jump, eat anything too heavy or do any fast movements for about a week or so.” He stood over you, holding the light to your eye and flashing it back and forth. 

“You've got a great girlfriend huh?” He said as he switched eyes. “I know this trip will be one for the books. Make sure to get something to capture it.” Margot choked on air, coughing to relieve herself. A light blush came up to her cheeks.

“Definitely.” She mangled out.

“Okay! You’re all set. I will have a nurse come back with your prescription and discharge papers and you can go. Be careful.” He said to you before turning to Margot. “Take good care of her, Make sure she gets what she wants. Have a good evening.” He stepped out and you immediately went into a fit of giggles.

“So....Now that you’re my girlfriend and all, how about an autograph? I’m just following doctors orders.” You tilted your head towards her, smiling groggily. Your eyes here halfway shut and your lips relaxed. Margot’s heart jumped.

“Autograph? That’s a new one.”

“Well, I know you aren’t that fond of pictures, and I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” Her heart jumped at that one too.

“It’s alright, for you I’ll give you three things.” She leaned forward in her chair. “You live in New York, right?” You nodded.

“What three things?”

“A picture, an autograph, and my number.” You didn’t mean for her to hear your gasp, but you weren’t Wonder Woman.

“Okay,” You tried to sound nonchalant. “That definitely works. But why the third thing?”

“Well you know, now that you’re my girlfriend and all, I have to make sure you’re okay and doing what the doctor says. Plus I owe you a new phone and a proper meet and greet.“ She smirked, and you kinda sort got what she was hinting at, but you didn’t wanna push further just in case.

So you forced your heart to calm down and nodded your head.

“Doctor’s orders?” You smirked.

“Doctor’s order. Gotta give you whatever you want.”

#margot robbie #margot robbie x reader #margot robbie imagine