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fics-lovebot · 6 months

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jujutsu kaisen recs

main masterlist

pls remember to reblog if you like any of my recs, luv you and thank you in advance❤️

WHY ARE ALL OF THEM SO FUCKING GOOD????????! pls tRUST me

gojo

gojo eating you out

gojo x dacryphilia

gojo loves fat pussy

sending gojo an accidental nude so he sends you a whole video

car sex with gojo

gojo being goofy in an elevator full of people - he´s big on PDA

gojo tried to give himself a haircut and now wants to go bald - this is fuNNY ksksks, I love the banter

trying to break up with yandere!gojo - yep, we´re talkin about lovesick toxic obsessed type of gojo, break up????? you know better than to tell him that sooo since you´re acting dUMB he has to fucc so sense into you bc clearly you forgot who tf ur talking to - LDKJSDFJDJFHLSHFLSHDF but he´s not rough bc he luvss you a lot

gojo is the pussy fairy - fwb, he´s your sneaky link when henessy makes you act up. he got a mf tongue piercing bYEE

insecure bully!gojo - angst, lil fluff, he´s a bully but he´s in love with that, but it´s not enough. part 2

the horniest - smut, ITS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD, he´s horny af, pussy drunk, obsessed, borderline crazy for that wap

phone calls - slice of life, hubby!gojo, dilf!gojo, his wife and his daughter are his only priority, this is so sdkfjskdjfh :´( i love it

cherished moments - clanleader!gojo, hubby!gojo who is a softy for his wife, #simp

family moments - fluff, slice of life, this is so wholesomeee, bf!gojo meeting your parents for the first time, i love it

someone older - smut, rich dilf!gojo, big age gap, big dicc too, talks big shit as well, "what do you do when your boyfriend cheats? you go to his house and fuck his dad" I MEAN- skdfhksdf

best of the best - smut, fwb! satoru, big sHIT talker omg, he lit asks you to be his gf wHILE he´s making you cum,,,,,best bf ever tho

love struck - fluffy, ex-fuckboy!satoru, he´s experiencing love for the first time :((((( IT´S SO CUTEEEEEEEEEE

love dumb - fluff, blurb, you make him lose his composure, can´t even focus bc you´re over there existing, someone should make a longer version of this! so good

too much - ANGSTTTYYYY, fluff too, reader and gojo are in a situationship kinda thing where they live together and love each other but nothing has been said yet, they get into an argument bc gojo has a big mouth and says a lot of hurtful things, they´re both just so exhausted

i know you still think about the times we had - angst, fluff, rich bf!gojo, his father makes you break up with him, it´s so angsty omg, they get into this HUGE argument bc gojo´s dad is a controlling mf

sanctuary - fluff, lowkey angst, weak!reader, bully!gojo, nah he´s just in love but doesn´t know how to say it

the road to falling in love - fluff, strangers to lovers, it´s a collection o moments where keeps falling harder for you, I LOVE ITTTTT, sdkfjhskdjf it´s kinda slow burn but not boring at all

loving you - fluffy af, "you’re the apple of his eyes; the love of his life. the only one who matters" ME N WHO???? pls this made my want to cry my heart out

yuji finds out gojo has a family - fluff, lowkey angst, hubby!gojo, dad!gojo, so,,, this made me cry, i love yuji sm he deserves the world :( this is part two and it also made me crY MY MF EYES OUT :))))))))

i´ll meet you forever in this memory - fluff, college au, married life au, it´s so good, he lit has this big ass plan to make you fall for him, and i mean big, like planned way ahead lmao, 10 years later he´s still asking you to go out with him,,,,even if you´re already married sdlfkjkdfhlsdjh so so cute

can´t stop drinking - ANGST, death, blood, dad!gojo, husband!gojo, mentions of wanting to die, a curse kills you and your son allegedly but in reality the elders had lied to him all these years, part 2 made me fucking cry, PLEASEEE I NEED PART 3

hype man - crack, fluff, supportive bf!gojo, he´s such an amazing bf :(, “damn, my girl ran you over with a bus, reversed, then got out and shot you twice in the foot? what did you do?? sounds like a you issue.” LMAOOOOO this is so cute and funny at the same time, i love it, such a gojo thing to say

flicker of flame - fluff, nervous soon to be dad!gojo, pregnant!reader, he´s going to be the best dad ever

nanami

when you break up and make up - nanami divorce au, angst

dorm room escapades - smut, dad´s bestfriend!nanami, age gap, GAWWDD DAMNNNN, daddy kink, this is some good stuff

you ask him to fuck you like a whore - its a short one but me likey

nanami drabbles - pwp, pls yall readdd part 2 and part 3

nanami is strong af - short blurb, smut, sdflksjd this got me giggling and shii

fifteen minutes - “Say that again. Louder. Can’t hear shit with the sound of my dick slapping into your cunt.” that´s all I have to say, your honor

protective - headcanon, hubby!kento, i love thissss

swear it´s just right for you - smut, fluff, hubby!nanami, I´m weaaaak, he´s so husband material

stressed after work - boyfriend! kento, a cute lil drabble bc he loves your mere presence

labour of love - fluff, vanilla smut, lowkey angst if you´ve been keeping up with the manga/anime, loving hubby!kento, SO DOMESTIC, love making, :(

losing his mind - smut, dom!reader, hubby!kento, sub!kento, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW, 10000/10, now this is new

his protégé - fluff, slice of life, fiancé!kento, dinner time with yuuji, it´s so wholesome :´)

my future is with you - fluff, unexpected angst, this is SICKKKKKKK, the last senteces is fucking sickening, and NOT in a good way, so fucking wrong for that, I litteraly wanna dIE

tie my tie, marry me - fluff, slice of life, "the moment nanami knew he never wanted to tie his tie by himself ever again and wanted to spend the rest of his life by your side" please just do yourself a favor and READ THIS

putting you in your place - smut, reader is gojo´s brat little sister, mean!nanami, BRAT TAMER!NANAMI, HEAVY degradation, “Maybe this was your fucking goal all along. To have me ruin you on my cock and fuck the attitude out of you.” CALL 911

edging - smut, pwp, fluff, this,,,,this is one the BEST nanami smuts out there, i just know the description of the whole thing is 100% accurate, the details, the way this is written, the visuaLSsss ldskjfhjsalfh go read it pls

married man - fluff, work au, HE IS A PROUD HUSBAND OK, the man was just waiting for somebody to say sOMETHING sljsdhfl now he can´t stop bragging about his perfect wife

toji

toji x size kink

toji x pussy spanking ´till you´re squirting - the title says it all,,, he´s MEAN

toji doing push ups with you on his back - you´re basically a rag doll,,,bc wdym he puts you in a fULL NELSON??

toji gets embarrased - the man WHIMPERED bc the riding was gewdd so reader kinda teases him for it, how dare she right? so now he has to make her pAY bc he aint no bitch

silk sheets n sticky cum - toji can´t control himself when he sees you in a nightgown so he uses you as a cum dump,,, in a very romantic way flsjdflkssldfjlsdfh, breeding kink

toji x overstimulation - fINALLY he got what he deserved, reader got him WHIMPERING, body shaking eyes rolling to the back of his head and everythangggg, I'm here for it.

take it lil princess - toji got me fucked up, straight up size kink like FRRRR he wants to break, bend and basically snap you in half (i´ll let him tbh), daddy kink, he got a big dicc as aLWAYS, the degRADING DIRTY TALKKK???? yes. he talks and talks and tALKS. there´s a lot going on yall

mine - toji mixed with monster!porn,,, nothing else to say- HE´S A WEREWOLfff, mean asf, breeding kink, daddy kink, size kink, it´s nasty

jealous daddy - slice of life, dilf!toji, megumi is a baby, toji and megumi create a plan to keep you away from megumi´s kindergarden teacher lmaooo, its so cute

nyphomaniac - smut, nypho!reader, dom!toji, THERE´S A WHOLE LOTTA STUFF GOING ON HEREE, just read it omg

family man - fluff, soft dad!toji, baby megumi, husband!toji, he´s a softie for his son and his wife ;(

unprecedented reveal - smut, fluff, mma!toji, journalist!reader, lowkey angst, "photo leaks of toji going down on you in public is suddenly exposed for everyone to know about the infamous fighters girlfriend" wELL dssdfh that´ll do it

will always be yours - smut, fluff, so basically toji only does rough sex, doggy style being his fav, but when it comes to you he prefers the loving-face to face-intense eye contanct type of sex (more like love making) bc being with you makes him feel ten different emotions at once :) DÑFLJSLDFJ

unspoken memories - fluff, lowkey angst, dad!toji, baby!megumi, married life, my heart is so full after reading this, it´s so domestic, so adorable, such a happy read

make a mess on his face - smut, toji is a messy pussy eater, that´s it, that´s the tweet

geto

gimme, gimme more - rich!geto x stripper!reader, lots of plot and build up, he is misteriousssss and fucking filthy and so cuTE??????? wtf, the wating game is real, he knows how to play his cards very well, LAWDD HAVE MERCY i would have folded too

gripping the headboard with one hand - smut, “what a slut.” hELP

protective hubby - teacher!suguru, pregnant wife oc, it´s cutee

focus - suggestive, flirty!geto, tutor!geto, “you’re doing so good for me… keep going.” I HATE ITTTTTTTT, i would fold like a mf lawn chair bitch OOF

dress shopping - very suggestive, WHY IS HE SO SMOOTH WITH IT ALL THE TIME??? got me blushing and sweating and shit

phoque - crack, teacher!suguru, twin girls dad!suguru, he accidentally curses in front of his daughters and now he´s gotta make up some bullshit story to save his ass, SLFHSLDKJHSLDH this is funny

choso

picture perfect - smut, photographer choso, he´s lowkey a perv, jacks off to oc´s pictures

suckig souls - smut, succubus oc, somnophilia, sub! choso, lil dacryphilia, love love love love it

meanie - smut, mean!choso, “Why you actin’ like some dick-starved whore? I fucked you good this morning" THE WAY I SCREAMEDDDDDDDD “Is that what you needed, princess? Some good dick?" STOOOOOOOOOPPPP

your pleasure - smut, squirting, choso discovers the magic of eating pussy :))))) aND he´s a fucking natural too like ???? gTFO

it´s too much - smut, dom!reader, inexperienced!choso and sub!chose fics are like crack to me, i´m obsessed, this is so detailed, he is eager to please sdlfjls and wants to try it all at once

fingers in his hair - smut, chose loves having his hair pulled when he´s eating pussy,,,,,,,CALL A MF AMBULANCE a bitch just died

cherry blossoms - smut, virgin!choso, phone sex, it´s his first orgasm yall, not yuji talking about a "sloppy toppy" LSJFHLSJDFHLFDH he´s so outta pocket

sukuna

itadori

vivid fantasies - smut, sukuna wants to bone you and he makes it yuji’s problem sakfhkshfksfd poor yuji

poly / multiple versions

gojo and geto are rich besties and they coax you into a poly relationship - smut

you slap their ass - reaction. gojo, geto, sukuna, nanami, choso, toji, megumi, itadori, yuta

too much for them to handle - toji and gojo version. it´s a LOT going here as well. gojo is a whole swiTCH. toji is a bully in the sheets so you know he´s all abou that degrading teasing dirty talk, we love it

slut him out - gojo, geto, nanami and toji version. y'know what,,,idek what to say about thi- IT´S NASTY FILTHY JUST PORN, reader is a whOre (not my words), read at your own risk bc i was SHOOk

how jjk men like it - smut, the gojo and toji one,,, i HATe it hereee

bimbo bunny - smut, choso, toji and nanami version, the vISUALs I GOT FROM THE NANAMI ONE LAWDDDD

birthday boy - smut, birthday sex, dacryphilia, i just KNOWWWW this is geto

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captain-hawks · 10 months

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liability

levi ackerman x f!reader

summary: the tables are turned when you save Levi during a mission, nearly getting yourself killed in the process. he's furious, but you don't quite understand why.

word count: 1.6k

content: feels, confessions, kissing

“What the fuck were you thinking?”

You startle as the heavy wooden door to the room bursts open, hinges groaning weakly in protest as Levi strides in, slamming it just as hard behind him. The warm glow from the small lantern sitting on the desk beside you contrasts sharply with the cold steel of the eyes it illuminates when he comes to stand before you, everything about his posture conveying the extent of the anger roiling dangerously inside of him.

Carefully closing the notebook you were recording field notes in for Hange, you let go of the pencil in your hand and try to ignore how uncharacteristically ruffled Levi’s hair is, as if he’s been repeatedly dragging his hands through it. You quell your urge to comment on it—because any other day, you’d make a remark just to get a rise out of him.

But you know better than to poke the bear right now, not when you’re well aware you’re the origin point of the fury that he’s outright shaking with. A trail of dried blood remains crusted to the side of his face, matching the dark stains along the torn and tattered remains of his dark green cloak.

He almost died today.

And so did you.

“That you were about to be Titan food if nobody stepped in to help you,” you offer in a flat tone, arms crossed over your chest.

Levi clicks his tongue against his teeth in annoyance, swiping a thumb across the cut on his bottom lip as he continues to level you with that piercing stare. “I was fine,” he snaps.

He was two seconds from being torn to shreds by the three Titans that cornered him while he fought to re-engage his malfunctioning ODM gear, and if you hadn’t come ricocheting through the trees to distract them, humanity may have very well finally lost its strongest soldier.

You tell him as much, throwing your hands in the air in exasperation, and he takes a step toward you, borderline shouting, “I told you to stand the fuck down.”

He had.

You’d locked eyes with him the moment you careened through the thick cover of the branches, had clearly heard what he shouted at you the moment he realized what you were about to do—and you’d promptly ignored his command.

“I didn’t hear you,” you shrug, though you both know it for the bald lie that it is.

He moves closer.

“I’m your Captain, and I gave you a goddamn order.”

“It was a shitty order. You would have died,” you retort.

Levi nearly closes the distance between the two of you, your back pressing against the wall behind you as the toes of his boots scuff against your own. With one hand splayed flat on the surface beside your head, his breath is hot on your face as he seethes, “You almost died.”

A Titan had grabbed you, almost crushing you to death in the process as your fingers fumbled for purchase on your sword, hoping that your last remaining blade would hold out. You hadn’t had time to think through a solid plan, your body having jumped into action without a second thought the moment you realized Levi was well and truly fucked when you could no longer see and hear him soaring through the air. So you’d acted on pure instinct, buying Levi the precious moments he needed to get his gear back in working order, and he’d then immediately killed the Titan that had you in its grip.

It was fine. You both survived.

Barely.

You’d hardly had time to say a word to Levi afterward, both of you caught up in rejoining the main fray of the battle alongside your fellow Scouts.

“I’m fine,” you counter, turning your head to the side to break the intense eye contact.

Levi grasps your chin, turning your head to face him again, mouth set in a hard line. “You’re reckless,” he growls.

You sigh in annoyance, fighting a losing battle to temper down your body’s reaction to Levi’s close proximity, the whisper of his body heat like a beacon to your tired, weary bones.

Right.

So maybe your reckless decision wasn’t just made out of the goodness of your heart as a Scout, but also was heavily inspired by one inescapable, undeniable fact—you’re in love with Levi Ackerman.

Your crush had been innocent enough at first, a bright flare of feelings sparking to life inside of you the first time you watched the way he effortlessly operates on missions. One would have thought that, as you became familiar with his cold and merciless demeanor up close, his piss poor attitude with you and your fellow Scouts would help quell the frantic beating of your heart every time he was in your proximity.

But that wasn’t the case, not at all.

Rather, you found yourself even more drawn to him, craving the few and far between moments when you’d catch him letting his guard down. The moments when, despite his scathing remarks, it was abundantly clear just how much he cared about each and every member of the Scout Regiment.

The moments when you saw just how far he’d go to protect those closest to him.

And when you found yourself transferred to run under Levi’s command, stamping down on the inconvenient, endlessly smoldering embers of your laughably unrequited crush only became more difficult as you were forced into even closer quarters with him than ever before. The only thing that helped after that was Levi’s unfailing tendency to express one of only two emotions toward you at all times: stark indifference or annoyed exasperation.

Unable to formulate a smart response to snap into the scant space remaining between your mouths, you mutter, “You’re reckless, too.”

Levi places his other hand on the wall on the other side of your head, effectively caging you in, his hair brushing against your forehead. “Well you can’t be,” he seethes.

“I’d argue that your life matters more than most of the others here,” you offer plainly, meaning every word.

“Not to me.”

You roll your eyes, “Self-deprecation doesn’t suit you, Capt—”

“Your life matters more to me,” he cuts you off roughly, voice nearly breaking.

If it weren’t for the steady pressure of the wall holding you up, you would have swayed. “What?”

One of his hands curls into a fist, his eyes falling shut for a moment as he takes a deep, steadying breath. “I was furious when you were switched into my squad.”

Yeah, he’d been downright incorrigible for days.

“I noticed,” you comment, deflating slightly.

Your life? The lives of your fellow Scouts, of all of you.

Of course.

“That’s not what I…” He stares at you, eyebrows knitting together, a strange expression on his face. “You don’t know, do you?” Stormy slate softens to the soft gray hue of the skies after a storm as his eyes scan your face.

“I know that I annoy you to no end and you spent weeks petitioning Erwin to move me elsewhere,” you roll your eyes.

“Because my feelings make me a liability on the field with you under my command.”

Blood rushes in your ears, and your next words are so tentative, so small, “Your feelings?”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly underestimating just how unbelievable the words coming out of his mouth are. “I can’t think straight around you,” he chokes out, his forehead falling against yours.

“But you…” you trail off, trying to reconcile the conflicting meaning of what he’s saying with what you’ve come to believe for so long.

“I’ve been trying to avoid this, how I feel, because it wouldn’t be fair to you. It’s why I…act the way I do around you.”

Idly, you wonder if it’s actually possible to forget how to breathe. “What do you want, Levi?” you ask quietly, carefully placing a hand over his chest, his heart beating steadily behind his ribcage.

He covers your hand with his own and murmurs, “Something that would be really goddamn selfish in the grand scheme of things,” glancing down at the winged emblem on his jacket.

“And what if I want you to be selfish?”

A sharp inhale from Levi is your only warning before he cups your face in his hands and brings his lips crashing into yours.

Your body sinks into his embrace as he wraps you up in his arms, fingers splayed possessively along the small of your back, pulling you flush against him. He kisses you hard, like he’s trying to convey everything that he’s been holding back, every touch he’s denied himself in your presence.

The cinders in your chest ignite, burning hotter with each press of his plush lips against yours, each nip of his teeth along your bottom lip. His fingertips are a searing brand on your waist as he grasps your hip, tugging out a small, needy whine from your lips in return, and his warm, answering chuckle has your legs threatening to give out beneath you.

You both freeze suddenly at the sound of two rapid knocks against the door, followed by the sound of Hange calling out, “Hey, did you want to go over those notes?”

The look Levi gives your notebook, innocently sitting atop the table, is downright scathing as he barks out, “She’s busy.”

“Levi?” Hange asks, tone brimming with curiosity.

“We’re busy,” he exhales, tilting his head up toward the ceiling in annoyance.

The answering noise that leaves Hange’s mouth can only be described as complete and total delight as they laugh before walking away, footsteps pointedly loud as they make their way back down the hallway.

Realizing that you had actually noted a few important things regarding new discoveries on Titan behavior, your eyes stray back to the notebook, uncertain. “Are you sure I shouldn’t just…”

“Absolutely not,” Levi cuts you off brusquely with another searing kiss, tugging you toward the bed in the corner of the room. “You’re mine tonight.”

— likes, comments, & reblogs are appreciated!

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #dee writes

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dazed-and-confused23 · 12 days

Text

Dear Hearts and Gentle People 4

Summary: After their reunion at the Atomic Wrangler, Cooper decides that he wants more than just a quickie out of his wandering trader.

Pairings: The Ghoul | Cooper Howard x Female Reader

Warnings. Drug use and Alcohol. Fluff and Smut. Little longer than the other ones ❤️

DHGP Masterlist

Cooper sits on the side of the bed, inhaler in hand as he stares down at the chem. You are still asleep behind him, body tangled in the sheets, exhausted after the exciting reunion between the two of you. You had been a breath of fresh air for the ghoul, especially after finding out the truth behind the fate of his family, and then Lucy, the vaultie, had left him too. Gone back home to her vault to save them from those goddamn Bud's Buds.

Cooper had elected to stay in Vegas. He likes the city, and the booze was cheap, and the chems were even cheaper if you knew where to get them. However, now that the ghoul was borderline sober, and with you by his side, Cooper realized that he'd had something to look forward to. To live for again. You.

Every time the two of you had crossed paths, you never failed to send the ghoul's black heart racing. You were a wastelander through and through, but you were good, and Cooper didn't want to let that go. No. He would hold on tight, and nothing in heaven or hell would get him to let you go.

First thing first, however, was to show you that he was serious and that he cared for you beyond a quick fuck and drug transactions. Cooper turned in the bed and leaned over you, tucking his knuckle under your chin and kissing you until you woke up. A soft sigh escaped you when the ghoul pulled away, and you opened your eyes to see him above you.

"Well, that's one way to wake a girl up," you murmur, and shift to your back, opening your arms so that Cooper can fall against your chest, his face pressed in the crook of your neck. You hum softly and press a kiss to his bald head, "What's got you in such a good mood?"

Cooper buries himself against you, shoving his arms under you so that he can hold you close. He listens to your heartbeat, and the sound of content he makes sounds more like a cat purr than anything else. He debates with himself before deciding to hell with it.

"Let me take you out. On a proper date," He began, and the more he spoke, the more he felt like his old self, Cooper Howard, before the end of the world, "You deserve it after everything you've done for me."

You eyed him, though your lips were already turning up at the idea. Who knew your ghoul was such a romantic? You tilt your head to the side, "Oh? And what did you have in mind?"

Cooper rises to his elbow and admires how your hair halos around your face. You are beautiful, even sleepy-eyed, and dressed in nothing but your panties.

"We're in Vegas, Baby. Let's make the most of it."

~~~~~

Mick and Ralph's had a surprising number of preserved prewar clothing, and you picked through the dresses looking for the perfect fit. You spotted a cute, blue number that would hug you in all the right places and billow out at the waist. Mick even had a cute pair of kitten heels that he gave you on the house.

Cooper had also done some digging around and conveniently found one of his old set costumes. The colors were faded, but they looked brand new compared to the get-up he always wore. Dressed to impress, the ghoul admired himself in the cracked mirror. If you ignored the obvious, Cooper looked like he'd just come off set of A Man and His Dog.

He wold whistles when you step out of the back room, and even though you're custom to his flirty behavior, you still blush bright and give Cooper a tiny grin. You've never had an opportunity to wear something so nice before, and it made you feel different, but not in a bad way.

"Well, look at you, Darlin'. All dressed up and beautiful for little ol' me," He crooned and snagged your hand, spinning you in a slow circle so that he could admire you from all angles. You give him a smile so full of fond amusement that Cooper’s heart stutters in his chest.

"Only for you, Cowpoke," you say and curl your hand behind his head to tug him down for a quick kiss that Cooper melts into.

After paying Mick and Ralph, Cooper escorts you to the gate of the Strip where the securitrons let the two of you by after flashing the passports you'd paid the shop owners for. Inside, the flashing neon lights made you squint, and you did your best to take it all in at once.

"A lot's changed since the last time I've been here," Cooper comments and casts his gaze around. It's been over two hundred years, but the Vegas Strip still felt the same. The two of you bypass Gomorrah and the Ultra Lux, and instead, head for the Tops where a man with blonde, slicked-back hair greets them with a suave grin.

"Hey, hey cats. My name is Swank. Welcome to the Tops Casino. The floor is open, and Tommy's got some real class acts tonight on stage if you're interested."

The two of you hand over any weapons that couldn't be concealed and head upstairs to the theater. A live band is playing on stage, and a place has been cleared in the middle of the room for dancing. Cooper leads you to a corner booth and drops to kiss your brow before he lopes off to order you both a drink.

From there, the night goes off without a hitch. The two of you drink til you feel tipsy and brazen enough to tug the ghoul out to the dance floor where Cooper upstages you and everyone else there. He twirls and dips you, leaving you a giggling mess and eyes only for him.

At some point, Cooper gets the grand idea to spend some caps on some chips, and you stand beside him as he cleans the blackjack table, coming away with more chips that you have to help him carry back to the exchange desk. The two of you eventually stumble out of the Tops and mosied back down the road to Gomorrah.

Their weapons are confiscated once more, and Cooper pays the receptionist for a hotel room for later on. He doubted that they would be sober enough to leave this place later on.

His hunch was right hours later when the two of you stumbled to the elevator. Coop's arm is tight around your waist, holding you close to keep you from tipping over. You cling to him, giggling as you wind your arms around his neck, and he catches your eyes, glassy from the jet that one of the dancers had given you.

"Your eyes are so pretty, ya know that?" You slur, and Cooper snickers as he leads you out of the elevator and down the hall to the room he'd rented. He's not nearly as gone as you, but he chalks that up to being used to the substance abuse.

You plop on the bed and reach back for the zipper of your dress, feeling too constricted in the blue fabric, and get stuck with it halfway off. Cooper laughs at you and comes to help, tugging the dress away and tossing it behind him before he pounces.

His lips meet yours in a slow kiss, a gentle give and take that turns heated when you bite his lip hard enough to hurt. You sooth it with your tongue, and groan when Cooper curls his own around the slippery muscle, the kiss wet and sloppy. He looms over you, keeping himself propped up with his elbow, while his other hand grips your waist, and rocks his hips down.

Cooper groans into the kiss when his clothed cock meets the heat between your thighs. You buck against him, whining into the kiss and demanding he take his damn pants off already.

"Patience, young grasshopper," Cooper rumbles above you and slides off the bed to button his shirt and jeans. He folds them almost reverently before he turns back to the bed and crawls on top of you, "Great things come to those who wait."

You scoff at him, though your lips are tilted up in amusement, "I've been waiting forever, Coop."

Your legs fall open and wrap around his waist. You are so wet that the ghoul can see slick glistening in the low light of the room where it clings to your puffy folds. He swallows harshly when you reach down and spread them, giving him an excellent view of your clit and twitching hole.

"Now I want you to fuck me like you mean it."

Cooper doesn't need to be told twice and spits in his hand before wrapping it around his cock and stroking himself twice before he lines up and sinks down to his balls. Your cunt throbs around him, pulling him impossibly closer, and he falls forward, hips humping forward as you cling to him.

Coop fucks you like it's his last day on Earth. He shifts to his knees, and his cock slips even further, pressing against something inside you that makes stars shatter. You curse loudly, Cooper’s name falling from your lips like a mantra as he hooks your legs over his shoulders and bends you over. The new position makes it hard to breathe, but all you want is more.

"'M close," Cooper grunts in your ear, and you lock your knees around his head, meeting him thrust for thrust as you work for your release. He unlocks his jaw and bites into the hollow of your throat. The pain is enough to send you over the edge, your pussy fluttering and gushing around the ghoul's cock.

"Ah-fuck," He snarls and follows you right over the edge, pumping you full of seed until it dribbled out from your stuffed cunt. He finds your lips kissing you as he rides out his orgasm, hips jerking when you tighten around him.

Cooper lays there, breathing you in and curling his arms tight around your waist. He is far too tired to move, and you don't seem to mind the extra weight with how tightly you hold him back. The ghoul feels at peace as if a part of his life he'd been missing has slotted back into place. He raises his head just enough to catch your eyes, and you reward him with an adoration-filled smile, but it's your words that cause his heart to explode like an atomic bomb.

"I love you."

You don't expect Cooper to pull you in for another kiss, this one soft and slow. He rests his brow against yours and wonders how he ever made it this far without you.

"I love you, too."

Holy moly, that got way sweeter than I intended. I hope you enjoyed it!❤️

#cooper howard #fallout #fallout prime #fallout tv series #x reader #cooper howard x reader #the ghoul x reader #dear hears and gentle people #fallout x reader

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bluebeary-jay · 1 year

Text

How easy you are to need

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable

Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌

Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)

A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕

Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.

He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.

Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.

He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…

Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.

He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.

“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.

“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”

“You left some for me?”

You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.

“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”

“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”

“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”

You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.

“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”

“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”

You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”

Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.

But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.

“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”

“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”

You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.

“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”

Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.

So why did he still feel so uncertain?

*****

Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.

Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.

Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.

None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.

Maybe that was the problem.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.

But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.

Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.

Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.

You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.

Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.

Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.

His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.

It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.

You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.

Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.

It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.

For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.

Joel was once, too. Once.

He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.

He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.

Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?

“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”

Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.

“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”

“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”

“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.

“I'll be right back, baby.”

Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.

He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.

Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.

You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.

“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.

“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Probably.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.

“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”

“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”

You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”

“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.

It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.

Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.

Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.

Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.

Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.

*****

The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.

He had a couple of them.

The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.

Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.

Well, not anymore.

The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.

You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.

It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.

He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.

Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.

So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.

The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.

He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.

A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.

You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.

But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…

Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.

But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.

Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.

Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.

Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.

But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.

Maybe he should start exercising.

Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.

With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.

Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…

“You’re quiet.”

Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.

Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.

“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”

You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.

“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.

“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”

Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.

“You’re gettin’ sappy.”

“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”

“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.

You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.

“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”

Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.

“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”

Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.

Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.

The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.

Old.

Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.

“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”

“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”

You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.

And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.

*****

It had to end.

Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.

He fucking craved it.

Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.

No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.

But it was a damn torture.

The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.

He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.

Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.

If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.

Christ, he was the worst.

Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.

It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.

Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.

Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.

He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–

“Morning, handsome.”

Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.

You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.

“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”

“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”

Joel looked at you with surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”

He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.

But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?

With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.

“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”

Joel didn’t move. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.

“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”

He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”

Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.

With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.

“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”

“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”

“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”

“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”

Oh, fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.

“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.

“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”

“I…”

I love you, too.

Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?

Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.

A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…

He couldn’t do it.

Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.

“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”

“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”

All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.

“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”

You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.

For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–

But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.

So he let you in. He let you hold him.

“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”

“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing and talk to me.” Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”

He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.

But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.

He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.

You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.

“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”

Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.

“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.

“The thin�� is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”

Fuck, man, just say it.

“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”

“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”

Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.

“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”

“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”

Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”

“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”

Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.

“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”

Joel didn’t know what else to say.

He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.

“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.

You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.

“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”

“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”

“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”

Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.

He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.

“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”

Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.

And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.

It was so long since he fully let you hold him.

Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.

“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”

Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”

You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”

“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.

“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”

Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.

“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through.

“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”

“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”

Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.

“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”

“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.

“So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”

The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.

“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”

“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”

You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.

“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”

“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”

God, he loved you so much.

Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.

“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #i will actually be taking a break because i have uni stuff to do which i REALLY neglected on behalf of this fic #i really got carried away with this one and the final scene took me so long to write omg #i really tried to approach this topic with respect and understanding and i very much hope it's alright #soft joel miller #joel miller fluff #the last of us fic

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de4dlyniightshade · 3 months

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Dunno if u have seen it but I’d really love ur version of the NSFW alphabet for Spencer Reid

(Not sure if that really counts as a Drabble or a super long headcanon. I tried to go thru ur blog and I didn’t see where u had done 1 before!!)

ON IT!!!

doing it with sub!spencer ofc<3

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex): super sleepy and cuddly, just wants you to hold him and kiss him and play with his hair. also goes borderline nonverbal, just wants to be in your company.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): his favourite body part on himself is honestly probably his brain ngl BUT otherwise i'd say his hair, he takes good care of his hair and takes the time to make sure it looks nice so i'd say his hair. as for on you probably your hips or eyes, your eyes is the answer he tells people but actually he just loves gripping your hips and pinching the fatty skin there and placing kisses on your hipbones.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically): loves cumming in you. so much. but also loves cumming on you, more specifically cumming on your pussy after fucking you, the way it looks running over you just making his head spin.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): pervert. not a creepy pervert but still a pervert. will stick around if he walks in on you changing, stare at your boobs and ass when he thinks you don't see him, shamefully touches your underwear for longer than he should when he's doing laundry, will spend a good while scanning your body while you sleep, especially if you're wearing shorts or a tank top.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?): not experienced. has no idea what he's doing. he tries his best and learns fast but he needs a lot of guidance and care but he prefers you taking control anyway.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying): cowgirl. nothing beats getting ridden in his mind, the sight of you on top of him, your boobs bouncing with each thrust and the way you gripped his waist.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.): i wouldn't say he's serious but he's not humorous either, whenever your touching him he just becomes a moaning mess and can hardly think for himself, just completely lost in the pleasure.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.): not shaved bald but definitely trimmed, if not for your benefit then definitely for his own.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect): soooo lovey, just holding you and kissing you and snuggling into you and telling you that he loves you and thanking you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon): definitely jerks off a lot when you're apart because he just gets really sexually frustrated without you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks): mommy kink!!!

L = Location (favorite places to do the do): bed first, always, it's just more private and intimate but he also likes it on the couch but that's more of a spur of the moment thing.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going): anything and everything. you smiled at him? horny. kissed him? extra horny. hugged him? horny. literally anything you do can get him going.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): blindfolds on him for obvious reasons, also domming, he just can't do it.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.): giving all the way!!! even if he's not that good at it he puts his heart and soul into it. more often than not he gets carried away and forgets he's trying to get you to cum bcs he just loves to taste you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.): loves it fast but not too rough if that makes sense? like he doesn't wanna hurt afterwards and whenever he's on top he just gets so caught up that he can't help but fuck you desperately.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.): likes them a lot and however often you're up for it, especially before work. definitely walks into that building with a real pep in his step after a quickie in the morning.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.): definitely game to experiment with a lot of things you wanna try, but nothing too crazy like he wouldn't be into slapping or extreme bondage, but a little tying up he's game for.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?): not many. he gets easily overwhelmed and overstimulated bcs he's just so sensitive. can go three rounds at very best.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?): doesn't own toys himself but if you do he uses them on you, more specifically if you had a vibrator he'd use it on you when you're tired. also let's you use a vibrator on him, the feeling of it pressed to his tip making him cum embarrassingly fast. not to forget pegging, would let you peg him or use a dildo on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): not at all, you're more the one to tease him but he doesn't have enough patience or self control to tease you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.): very loud and doesn't even realise it, he just gets so lost in his own mind that he can't even hear himself.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character): loves being bitten by you, not aggressively enough that it hurts too bad but if he was on top and you bit into his shoulder when you came he'd definitely follow quick after.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes): around 7 inches, not too thick but not too thin either, curved upwards slightly, the prettiest pink tip and not overly veiny but definitely a few. also i feel like he has pretty nipples idc.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?): very high, needy alllllll the time like could go at it at the drop of a hat it doesn't matter what time of day he could be rock hard in seconds for you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): pretty quickly depending on the time, if it was one of those morning quickies ofc he can't but otherwise he tries to stay awake but never manages to actually stay awake that often.

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oliviajdjarin · 5 months

Text

Javier Pena: Blowing Off Steam

Pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader (she/her; afab)

Summary: During one of the most important meetings of his career, Javier is relentlessly distracted by the drive over.

Excerpt: "That's the spot, isn't it hermosa?" he said into your ear. The smell of your sweat mixed with your perfume as well as the small groans you were releasing only spurred him on more. "Think you're in control, thought you had me."

Your eyes fluttered closed and your jaw began to tremble, digging your nails into his bulging biceps seemed to be the only thing giving you any sort of relief.

Neither of you heard the partition clicking shut.

He smiled at your state, kissing the crown of your head. "You do have me, cielo. But tonight I have you."

Warnings: making out, heavy touching, smutty smut smut, dirty talk, my attempt at Spanish, unestablished relationship, swearing, italicized=flashback/past, I am positive this doesn't actually work with canon, Javier is a simp.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: I don't really know what to say besides I missed this with every part of me. Please enjoy this brain rot that has gotten me through the last three months.

If you would like to leave a like, comment, ask, or reblog, it would be much appreciated <3

Pedro Masterlist

General Masterlist

(gif from pinterest you cannot convince me that isn't a hickey on his neck bfibrifbiri)

Javier's taste buds were coated with a delightfully devilish mix of Cheval Blanc and red lipstick as he sucked in your heated breaths.

Your thighs fit so fucking perfectly in his hands as he gave them a squeeze. Your bare, sweaty skin squeaked against the leathered seats in response.

"Javi," you whined, and he shushed you gently. The streetlights passing by illuminated your smooth skin like music, and he was tempted to pull away only to stare at you.

Another whimper from your swollen mouth persuaded him against it.

He moved his teeth down your throat, pulling you impossibly closer to him. He could feel the heat of your core against him as you began to grind into him slightly, god did it make his lower stomach pulse.

He switched to the left side of your neck, pushing you against the car door ever so slightly as he cut his vision to the driver. The man's bald head had remained facing forward, his skin a deep tan. He figured limo drivers had to deal with this sort of bullshit all the time. A part of him enjoyed the fact that another man was learning just how liquid you were for him.

A bigger part of him fucking hated it.

It was this millisecond of inner turmoil that gave you the upper hand - pulling his mouth from your throat and bringing it to your own, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth, sliding your hand down his pants, tracing his happy trail as your fingers cupped him so fucking flawlessly -

"Agent?"

Javier sucked in a breath. His palms had practically soaked through the menu in his hands.

"Ye-yes?" he said, clearing his throat.

The Colonel scoffed. "Your head is not where your heart is, Peña."

"Fuck off," he whispered back, and stuck his nose back into the menu.

Carillo had called a meeting about a possible promotion for Javi, suggesting he was "too acquainted" with the night life of Colombia to be sitting at a desk all day. He felt Javi was needed on the ground, working within the system than around it. A true DEA agent, rather than a glorified secretary.

Hence whatever the fuck this dinner was.

Javi was surrounded by his superiors, men and women he had never seen nor met before, as well as what had to be hundreds of dollars in booze. The menu before him had words he had never even heard of before, as well as prices that seemed to stretch off the page if he unfocused his eyes.

He was the furthest out of his comfort zone that he could have ever imagined, while consecutively borderline emotional at the favor Carillo was doing for him. He was dealing with more emotions than he had allowed himself to in years.

You had looked too pretty that night not to blow off some steam.

-he could have come right then and there. He felt your smile against his lips as he jumped at the feeling, before practically melting into your hands. He could barely kiss you through his panting.

"Sensitive," you whispered as you dragged your teeth down his jawline, paying particular attention to the crease between his bone and his neck. The two of you had done this enough for you to know all his weak spots.

He gripped the fabric of your dress as you did before sliding his hands underneath it, resting his hands on your ribcage. You sighed at the feeling.

"I'm sensitive?" he whispered, moving his hands all the way up to cup your breasts. You tucked your face more into his neck as he did, but continued to trace his head and dick. This flipped the switch on him once again, chills etching themselves down his spine, and a renewed heat boiling his organs -

Javier came back to a woman whose name he had long forgotten asking him a question he absolutely did not hear.

But, he flashed his charming smile anyway.

"Yes ma'am," he said, and despite the woman's efforts, a faint blush crawled up her neck.

"And what makes you say that?" she said in reply.

He could feel Carillo's smile.

"Just a gut feeling," Javier said, and to his surprise, she smiled.

-that finally caused something in him to ignite. He felt out of body, watching himself as if from he was a fly on the ceiling remove his dominant hand from your breast and bring it between your legs. He only took a few seconds to enjoy the wetness that had culminated there before he teased your opening.

Your jaw fell open, giving him ample opportunity to stick his tongue down your throat as he finally fingered you up to the knuckle.

Your body convulsed against him, any and all air escaping your lungs the very second he began to pump in and out of you. It was messy, it was desperate, but god was it everything -

"And how exactly was that handled, Agent...." the man paused, before snapping his fingers in recognition. "Peña. Agent Peña."

Javier swallowed. "Well, we could never have pulled it off without the Colonel, as well as our other agents."

Javier had never spoken so out of his ass in his life.

"I was just a puzzle piece," he said before taking another sip of his bourbon.

The man appeared partially pleased, but unconvinced.

"And how exactly do you plan on being less of a puzzle piece going forward, Mr. Peña?" The man said this as he leaned forward in his chair, folding his hands onto the table.

Every eye at this goddamn table was on him, and for some reason, it made him think of you once again. The way you would whisper in his ear. Your unwillingness to appear afraid. You had told him once you couldn't afford to look afraid in a city like Bogotà.

"It's better to look stupid than afraid. It would eat me fucking alive," you had said.

He decided to take a page out of your book for once.

"I plan on being the person placing the pieces, sir," Javier said. "I can only do that by being more active in the streets. Fieldwork, groundwork, whatever you want to call it."

Javier leaned forward, mimicking the man's position almost exactly.

"How else can I see the full picture?" he asked.

The man's skin was as red as his wine, while his colleagues were as shined as gold.

-and more, prompting Javier to do what he seemed incapable to avoid doing whenever he was with you: lose complete control of his mouth.

"That's the spot, isn't it hermosa?" he said into your ear. The smell of your sweat mixed with your perfume as well as the small groans you were releasing only spurred him on more. "Think you're in control, thought you had me."

Your eyes fluttered closed and your jaw began to tremble, digging your nails into his bulging biceps seemed to be the only thing giving you any sort of relief.

Neither of you heard the partition clicking shut.

He smiled at your state, kissing the crown of your head. "You do have me, cielo. But tonight I have you."

You rocked up and down onto his fingers, whining into his ear as he used his middle finger to pump, and his thumb to caress your clit. He took the one he had around your neck down to your thigh, tracing the muscles, invigorating what you were already feeling between your thighs. It rose up and up to your breasts, forcing you to cup and play with them.

He smiled again, removing the hand from your thigh to bring it up to one of your breasts. He fondled one, while you fondled the other.

"Didn't know you could get this bothered from just my ha-"

"Shut the fuck up," you said and kissed him so hard your teeth clashed -

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Agent Peña," said the blushing woman from before. "I look forward to working with you in the future."

Javier was no dummy. He could very easily read between the lines of what she was implying. However, due to how much he could not get his mind off of you - despite the fact that he finally got the job he had been dreaming about since he was a little kid - he had a feeling that he would only disappoint.

"Thank you, ma'am," he said, and shook her hand firmly.

He said his goodbyes to his superiors before following Carillo outside the restaurant. The two men sat there, waiting for their individual limos to arrive.

Where the DEA got the money for shit like this, Javier had no idea.

Carillo patted Javier on the back in congratulations, which was more affection that Javier had ever seen the man give to his own wife, and Javier gave him a nod in return.

It was then that Carillo began to chuckle.

"Cual es tu problema?" Javier asked, slightly aggitated.

Carillo shook his head. "You could have at least attempted to hide your way of blowing off steam, Pena," he said, gesturing to his own neck.

Javier must have reddened, because Carillo only laughed harder.

-so hard he was shocked one didn't chip. The two of you stayed that way for some - grinding and kissing and pulling at each other - before the limo finally pulled up to his destination.

You pulled away from him as you felt the limo lurch into park. You looked behind him, eyes widening slightly at the sight of the restaurant Javier would be dining at. You then smiled at him, wiping at his face and his hair, as well as straightening out his lapel.

"You should have warned me," you said to him, "I would have gone easier."

He smiled. "No, you wouldn't."

You smiled back, giving him one last kiss. It was deep, but deep in a way that meant more than goodbye. He couldn't afford to look more into it than that.

"Good luck," you whispered, and he nodded before exiting the vehicle. He saw you wipe at your own face through the window, as well as give the driver your address.

He watched you drive away, his heart shifting from a delightful flutter to an anxious one.

He watched his limo pull up behind Carillo's, sucking in the last of the chilled night air.

"Good luck, Peña," Carillo said as he walked to his car, a slight slur in his voice from all the bourbon. "Go and fucking celebrate."

Javier grinned as he opened his limo's door, exhaling in relief at his prayers of having a different driver being answered. The driver didn't even turn around as he said in a thick Colombian accent, "Where to?"

Javier knew exactly where he was headed.

He was going to fucking celebrate.

Tag list: (if you would like to be added please let me know :)

@lovesbiggerthanpride @paintlavillered @xocalliexo @c4psicle @joelsflannel @thesmutslut @untitledarea @daphne-turner @queerponcho @leahkenobi

#javier pena smut #javi #javier pena x reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña #narcos #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #din djarin x reader #the last of us fanfiction

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mixes-archive · 1 year

Text

König NSFW Alphabet 😊

Requested by: my bbgs and a lot of simps. In all my time as an archivist (maybe a few months at best), I haven't seen something requested as much as this.

This is mostly gender neutral and includes stuff for both afab and amab readers

A = Aftercare

(what they’re like after sex)

"Ach du heilige... Schatz, geht's dir eh gut?"¹

Very worried.

No matter if he's been top or bottom, dom or sub, gentle or rough, he'll be so worried he hurt you in any way.

Give you a quick massage and clean you up. Depending on if you're doing anything after, he'll either take a bath with you or just a brief shower.

B = Body part

(their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He really likes his arms, mans trained years for his muscles to be as defined as they are and being able to carry you with them just gives him a real boost of confidence.

Is weak to your thighs <3 Could spend hours just laying on or massaging them.

C = Cum

(anything to do with cum, basically)

Yum yum in his tum tum😋🍽️

No matter how he made you cum, mans will absolutely devour that shit, no exceptions.

D = Dirty secret

(pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

AFAB: Would love for you to sit on his face while his mask is on, just imagining feeling you through the fabric and how you soak through it makes him hard

AMAB: sucking you off with the mask on, half the fabric draped over your stomach, hiding his next move and having to look directly into his eyes. He gets weak in the knees at the thought.

E = Experience

(how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Man had zero rizz in his childhood, you're his first everything actually. If you don't have any experience either, you're kinda fucked lmao

F = Favorite position

(this goes without saying)

Any with direct eye contact, or you being on top of him.

G = Goofy

(are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's funny, but not intentionally. He's really creative when it comes to swears, so it's easy to make you giggle with them.

H = Hair

(how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Bald or something, I don't know how this works with men and I am NOT about to Google it.

I = Intimacy

(how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

König is dropping all the nicknames he can think off, constantly caressing your face or body. He'll also try to set the mood as best as possible beforehand.

J = Jack off

(masturbation headcanon)

Does it a lot tbh. He's big big and knows it can affect you for a few days after, so he'll only fuck you if you ask.

K = Kink

(one or more of their kinks)

Mask kink, size kink, praise kink goings both ways. What else is there? Oh yeah.

This man definitely has a mommy kink, you cannot convince me otherwise.

L = Location

(favorite places to do the do)

Probably the couch or the bathtub, he isn't into other people potentially seeing you at all.

M = Motivation

(what turns them on, gets them going)

You. That's it. You could be wearing a hoodie that should've been washed long ago and he'd go "omg I'd hit"

N = No

(something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything to do with degredation. Doesn't like insulting you and likes being insulted even less.

O = Oral

(preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

König would willingly be between your thighs until his lungs give out. He's really big, so this is the best option in his opinion. (also just really into the way you react to him and your taste).

Would only let you suck him off occasionally and after a loooonnggg while of being in a relationship. You'd have to beg him to do it lmao

P = Pace

(are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

König likes being slow and hitting all the right spots, but he can speed up if you ask politely enough. Much prefers to go slow in a borderline teasing way tbh.

Q = Quickie

(their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Prefers taking his time, but with how packed your schedules can be, there's not really another option. Sometimes when you're on a long term mission, you get so desperate you have a quickie, but that's the last resort.

R = Risk

(are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes and no. He'd like to experiment with you a bit, but there are just some things he wouldn't do like public sex, non-con, etc...

S = Stamina

(how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

König lasts for HOURS. This is a trained military man, his stamina is through the roof and on its way to space. You could be panting, struggling to catch your breath or move, and he'll ask if you want another round.

T = Toys

(do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Didn't see the sense in toys before meeting you, but he has a small bullet vibrator for you stashed away somewhere.

U = Unfair

(how much they like to tease)

When he gets the opportunity, he does like to tease a little. Would stop if you ask though.

V = Volume

(how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Swears a lot. Like a lot a lot. He's still more vocal than you'd expect otherwise. Lots of grunts and moans between the swears.

W = Wild card

(a random headcanon for the character)

You wore thigh highs once and he can't get enough of them now. He tends to rip them, but is constantly buying new ones to make up for it.

X = X-ray

(let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Big. Too big, perhaps. Long and girthy. Have fun getting that anywhere in you.

Y = Yearning

(how high is their sex drive?)

Very high, is down to clown almost every single day. And with that I mean he just wants to make you scream his name so loud the squad members become concerned he's holding you hostage.

Z = Zzz

(how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Honesty, he's more awake after than he was before. Makes him feel like he just injected five shots of espresso right into his veins.

¹ "Holy... Treasure, are you okay?"

A/N: Being a lesbian in this economy is hard, but I'll gladly take the L so you can all continue to simp for the only relevant austrian representation in this day and age

#könig x reader #call of duty x reader #konig x reader #cod x reader #call of duty #könig call of duty

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strangemaleswaps · 8 months

Text

Strange Beach Body Swap 2

"Are you ready for this?"

"I sure hope so, I'm a little nervous to be honest."

"It's ok. I'll be there for you…just like 20 feet away or so."

I threw on a pair of khaki shorts, my sandals, and headed out the door. Luckily I lived in a condo right next to the beach so I didn't have to walk very far. It was nearly noon - the time we planned to meet up.

2 years ago, I was a college sophomore stuck in a fraternity with asshole frat brothers. That was until I met this weird old man at the beach. He swapped our bodies and I was thrust into his fat beach bod. It wasn't the worst thing ever, though. He was working on pumping his nipples and with how sensitive they were, I discovered what a nipple orgasm felt like. It was crazy good! Since then I continued what he started, and had been pumping my nipples every day. They're huge now! I go for that nipple orgasm all the time. I love it!

But I was still a fat old man for the next 2 years so that did a number on my self esteem at first. I had a whole six pack abs before, along with a perfect body, so nothing I did could compare to that. But I made a few changes that were more my style. I got my ear pierced and grew a goatee. Afterall, old guys really only look good with facial hair. I was balding too so I decided to shave my head entirely, as well as razor it so I could be fully bald.

The one thing I didn't account for was how fat this guy was. He was already pretty chubby when I initially swapped, but I was happy to be free of my strict diet plan. I know I wouldn't look as good as I did before no matter how much I exercised or ate right, so I just stuck with how I was. It wasn't until a month or so that I realized he must've been working out prior to the swap because I noticed an increased weight gain. I still didn't care though, and just let myself go. I went from borderline obese to full on obese. My man tits ended up hanging out a little more and my gut drooped a little lower. My overall body was wider and soon enough I found myself waddling instead of walking.

But none of that mattered in the end because a couple of months after the swap, I met Chase. I decided to go to the bar one day, after finally gaining the confidence to do so. He approached and complimented me on my looks, which surprised me. I guess he had a thing for big guys. We talked a bit and I fell in love with him soon after that. When I told him who I actually was, he believed me right away. I guess with how quirky he is, he's the type that knows everything isn't what it seems.

Since the old man took over my life, I took over his. He was retired and didn't have much going for him, except this sweet condo right next to the beach. It had a king size bed, where Chase and I fucked for the first time. I'm gonna miss this place actually; it was nice. The old man called me a few days ago, scheduling the time for the swap back at noon today. I don't know how he did it originally so I asked Chase to spy on us from a short distance away to see what actually happens - and to make sure he doesn't bail!

We walked outside the condo and hugged one last time, his skinny frame being smothered by my flabby rolls.

"Good luck Ty! I love you!"

"Love you too!"

We split off and I stood around waiting for somebody that looked like me to appear. He said he would wear the same swimsuit he wore 2 years ago - the blue one. I couldn't wait to see how it all went. He thought he could do a better job at standing up to my fraternity brothers and giving me a better reputation so I hope he kept his word! It'll definitely be a weird feeling, returning back to my old life. But he would've graduated for me by now, so at least I don't have to see those idiot frat brothers anymore. And I had Chase of course! He said he would love me no matter what I looked like.

I was looking in the direction of the ocean when I spotted someone wearing the swimsuit I was looking for. I waddled closer to him, and realized that it was my old body. Something was different though - he gained weight! Alot of weight to be exact. My abs were completely gone! Sure he was far from obese, but his belly stuck out and the pecs I once had were soft and fleshy. It looked like he kept my basic appearance the same though, with the exception of a little chin beard. It was weird though, I recognized him for sure, but I didn't really feel like he used to be me. It'd been such a long time that I no longer associated his body with my identity.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself! How have you been?"

"I suppose it wasn't that bad. That nipple orgasm is something else."

"I can see that. You've been pumping them, haven't you?"

"Yep."

"Good. Good."

"So how did you gain weight that fast? The fraternity would've kicked you out with the slightest bit of fat, but you must've ditched them only a few months ago." His face dropped.

"Well…"

"Well?" No..don't tell me…

"I uh kinda got kicked out…2 years ago."

"What? What the fuck did you do?"

"I tried to be assertive and well, I guess I was more like aggressive. Got into a fight and they kicked me out. Geez, young people are so sensitive now!" I was in disbelief. He didn't improve my life at all, he ruined it!

"Did you…at least graduate?" Please say yes; oh my god.

"Er..no. I kinda just dropped out after that. College is hard!"

"What have you been doing the past 2 years then?!"

"Just getting by really - working, sleeping, jacking off. What I was really doing before. Well, actually I lost my job a few weeks ago."

I can't believe this. What am I going to do once I go back? I'm a college dropout, unemployed, and I can't even use my fit body to do modeling or anything! I didn't want him to know how upset I was in fear he wouldn't swap us back, so I swallowed my anger and changed the subject.

"Well, I guess we better swap then. How did you do it last time?"

"Simple spell. Just lay down and close your eyes." I slowly lowered myself and plopped down on my ass, all my rolls jiggling with the impact. I then lied down for a minute. When I opened my eyes, I was looking at the same fleshy mountain I was used to. What gives? I got up and found the old man talking with Chase.

"That's my boyfriend and you need to swap him back!"

"Boyfriend huh? How the hell did he score with that gross body? I hadn't gotten anyone looking like this!" They noticed me as I waddled up to them.

"Ty, he doesn't want to do it."

"What do you mean?! Swap me back! We had a deal!"

"Sorry, I have something else in mind now." He put his hands on Chase and a white light began pulsating from his hands. Chase didn't respond and looked like he was in a trance. Don't tell me he's trying to swap their bodies?!

"Hey get off of him!" I tried pulling his hands off, but it was as if they were glued to Chase's shoulders.

"Don't even try!" I may have ruined my chances with your body but I can start all over with his!"

"Oh no you don't!" It seemed impossible to pull his hands off, but I kept trying anyway. Suddenly the white light flashed everywhere and his hands were forced off of Chase, as well as mine. When I opened my eyes, I looked down and once again, saw the same saggy belly I'd woken up to for the past 2 years.

"Well, nothing happened…"

"Speak for yourself!" Chase spoke excitedly. He was looking at his hands and rubbing his flat stomach. Shit. That wasn't him. Chase, now in my original body, and the old man, now in Chase's body, looked at each other.

"So that's what I really look like to everyone else. Wow."

"Well I best be going then!" The old man started walking away until I grabbed him and pulled him into a neck hold.

"Not this time! You're going to swap us back for real."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" I released my grip.

"The spell only works twice. First for a regular swap, and then second for a swap back. It doesn't account for interruptions from a third."

"No way…I…"

"Ty. It's ok." Chase put his hand on my shoulder. "I like you like this. And I think I'll be fine. I'm as flabby as you…almost!" He slapped his belly and shook it up and down, admiring the jiggles. I guess the weight gain is turning him on.

"Yeah. I guess it's fine." He kissed me on the cheek.

"Take care you guys." It was weird seeing Chase's original body walk away from me but I know the real Chase was right here with me, safe and sound. I wonder what it would be like to have sex with your old body…

#strangemaleswaps #body swap #male body swap #male tf #weight gain #strangebeachbodswap

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silence-of-autumn42 · 8 months

Text

We all know how the first trip into the Void was for Albrecht, but imagine what it was like for Euleria/Gomaitru.

You're in this dark lab, all alone aside from your batshit dad and his scrunkly bald cat, waiting for him to tell you to pull the lever to split reality open. Suddenly, the glass diving bell he was in topples over, shatters, and he disappears.

What do you do in this situation? Just...start cleaning up the diving bell of glass shards? Apparently so. Nothing else to do until he comes back. She probably thought he was dead. But then suddenly, he comes back, terrified out of his mind and borderline suicidal. But he comes back with a giant finger?

And now, your father who was so unsuccessful all his assistants left, has some elderly twink boyfriend? It's implied that Euleria was a child when the trip happened, or at the very least a young adult. She saw her family's reputation ruined, and then suddenly restored overnight by some eldritch phalanges. And so now he has assistants lining up for kilometres to help him out, but he just really likes this one catty guy with long hair and pointy glasses in a tail coat.

Let's not forget that Euleria saved a piece if the Seriglass bell, and used it to cut her husband's arm off in an argument, and now her mother in law sells it to kids to make guns out of.

#warframe #warframe lore #euleria entrati #albrecht entrati #warframe loid

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xstarkillerx · 10 months

Note

WHAT. what. what do you mean how do you get over the shame of being attracted to Dominic Torretto?? 😧 you let the shame eat at you or actually why should there even be shame?? because i love that man that ‘bald menace’ i love him to the point my body aches and my dear donnie you will not just be screaming into the void, because I’ll be there i would gladly be the one to scream back because fuck i need more stuff about that man 😮‍💨 … or yeah yk idk 🫠

love ya 🫂

You're such an enabler

Listennnn I'm only ashamed because it's Vin Diesel and he's likeee the type of Hollywood actor my mother would be attracted to, but I can't help it Dom's so fucking hot.

Like did you SEE the way he just be grabbing Letty's ass in the car in Los Bandoleros???!!!! (01:04) the way he can fit her entire cheek in that massive hand like, imagine those thick fingers sliding in and out of a dripping wet pussy I can't do this. He's so big, not just tall, big and thick and his arms have the stamina of a god from working on cars all day.

Or the way he'll literally borderline fuck in public, just straight up pull you into his lap and kiss and grope you like no one's watching. Like I'm not even an exhibitionist but the thought of that drives me crazy, because it's Dom Toretto, who's gonna check y'all? The thought of him getting hard, right then and there, kissing down the line of your neck, biting your nipples through your shirt while a party goes on around the two of you. I'm barking rn because that's probably why he flirts with other women all the goddamn time, he's waiting for the day you get so fired up about it you initiate the public make out.

I'm going to spill the beans because I'm legit so fried right now and I've been sitting on this forever and I really don't know when it's gonna get done, but I'm working on something where he finger fucks you over the charger, popped hood, engine up and running. There's more to it obviously but I need you to see where my head's been at. He's got his left hand holding yours down against the edge of the hood, the metal biting into your palms and his grip warm and firm. His other hand slides down the line of your body, pushing you closer to that fucking BEAST of a car while it's roaring right in your face, before his hand hikes your skirt up, pushes your panties to the side and rubs your clit until you beg him to stick them them inside you. And like obviously there a reasonnnnn but I'm not spoiling that here

Omg you have no idea how long I've been waiting to say that ok bueeeeeeee 😁👋👋👋👋👋

#donnie does 👑#dom toretto headcanons #dominic toretto smut #dom toretto smut #fast & furious smut #fast and furious fic

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nonclassyparty · 5 months

Text

tuesday, 13:25, 18:02 (j.wy)

title; can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline, that's where i'm gonna wait for you, i'll be looking out, night and day, took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay

summary; wooyoung is your sworn enemy but hooking up with him becomes a habit you just can't seem to quit (gen v au)

notes; part five of a drabble series called 'rule of thumb' set in the gen v universe where y/n is a bigender superhero and wooyoung is a blood bender. drabbles are posted in chronological order, there is no updating schedule.

playlist // my main masterlist // click to donate to palestine

san grumbles when wooyoung sticks his arms out between your two bodies and pushes you two apart to make room for himself in the middle.

you were showing san the drawings for an assignment that you had in one of your subjects where you had to design superhero merch. it wasn't really a useful class but you took it solely because you thought it might be fun and take some pressure off of you rather than taking something difficult for your elective to try and impress anyone.

it's not that you weren't ambitious, you'd like to be, but a bigender superhero was rarely a fan favorite and you were kind of tired this semester. if it wasn't for your friends dragging you to social events and putting your name out there, this school wouldn't care about you otherwise unless it was to use you in promotional videos to make sure everyone knows this is an 'inclusive' establishment. bullshit.

although, giving you a single-bed dorm already in your freshman year was nice. sometimes you could make due with the institution being performative.

wooyoung plasters himself to your side, looping his arm through your elbow, looking at your notebook and your brows furrow at the weird look san gives the two of you.

"oh, the little bald ones are so cute." wooyoung laughs, pointing at your top two drawings.

you frown, "that's starlight and queen maeve."

you were going to draw their hair on, of course.

he stifles a laugh, eyes holding something achingly close to endearment as he looks at you. "well, your bald starlight and queen maeve are very cute."

you pout again staring the drawings down. they weren't supposed to look cute, they were supposed to be badass.

"how were your exams?" he asks, fingers playing with the zipper of your hoodie as he presses even closer, all up in your business. you've gotten completely used to him hanging all over you, he does it to all of his friends. wooyoung is a naturally touchy and affectionate person.

"fine." you sigh, "i think i messed up one of the problems on my aerodynamics of human flight exam. it might bring my grade down."

wooyoung winces, "i doubt that's your fault, the class is a nightmare and brink always gives shit that he expects you to know even though he barely mentioned it during class or the study material."

"you got a 95 on it last year." you mumble, again embarrassed to reveal that you often compare yourself to wooyoung in terms of your academic success. you compare yourself to san and hongjoong as well but with wooyoung it's simply more personal. sworn enemies and all.

"you know that?" you stay quiet, not in the mood to disclose that you remember wooyoung jumping out of his seat last year filled with glee when the exam results were uploaded into the system.

he seems to bite back a smile, moving even closer that his nose almost brushes your cheek and you stubbornly refuse to look at him overcome with shyness. he continues quietly, "if you're not happy with your grade, i can help you prepare for the makeup exam in january, okay?"

you want to say something but you don't out of fear it'll come out choked, so you simply opt for a little nod as you pretend to do touch-ups on your (apparently) bad drawings.

"uh," you both turn to san who you completely forgot was even there, and who looks positively weirded out now. "i have class."

he turns to mingi (who you, also, forgot was even there), sitting opposite of you, "mingi you have class. let's go to class."

mingi looks up from his notebook, too engrossed in his work to pay attention to anyone else, "my class isn't for another ho-"

"you need an hour to get there, come on." san insists, already standing up and poor mingi has no choice but to pack his things up and get a move on.

san is still standing, staring at wooyoung and you, and you tilt your head to the side wondering if he's alright.

wooyoung stares blandly at him. "bye."

san opens his mouth before inevitably giving up and waving goodbye with a headshake.

well, that was weird.

"is san okay?" you ask, packing up your coloring pencils back into the pouch.

he takes your yellow pompompurin pencil case and looks at it with a small smirk before his expression turns puzzled, "what? oh, yeah. he's just an idiot."

you chuckle at that and he snorts as well when he sees the smile on your face.

"do you have anything else today?"

you shake your head.

"you wanna get food and go to my dorm?"

"okay."

it's a stupid question, really.

but it's been bugging you for some reason in this particular moment while wooyoung presses you against the pillows stacked up on his bed and his tongue slips inside your mouth.

he didn't give you a reason to ask it either, it was just something you were...curious about.

"are you sleeping with other people?"

wooyoung blinks at you a couple of times, face barely an inch away from yours, before he starts kissing down your neck. "no."

"why not?"

"hm?" his lips on your neck cause your breath to hitch as the warmth starts pooling in the lower pits of your stomach. you don't blame him for not following the conversation, you're barely keeping up as well.

"why not?"

he bites at your earlobe and you lightly push his arm as a reminder that you're waiting for an answer. "i don't want to."

"oh."

your lack of physical response to his advances makes him pull away. "what's the problem? do you want me to sleep with other people?"

your lips naturally tug downwards at that but you keep your thoughts to yourself. of course you don't fucking want him to sleep with other people. "it doesn't matter what i want, we aren't anything."

wooyoung groans at that, body still on top of you and holding himself up by his arms stuck on each side of your head.

"i was just curious as to why you're not?"

"and i just told you. because i don't want to."

"okay." you clear your throat feeling like you're about to walk into busy traffic on your own terms, "because you can, if you want. i don't want you to think that, like, you're not allowed or something."

"jesus christ, y/n." he gets completely off of you and sits on the bed with his legs tucked under. "okay, i get it. we're not anything and you have no problem with me sleeping with other people. i get it."

"okay." is all you can say in a much smaller voice because you kind of made him get the wrong idea. you certainly would have a problem with it but you'd never tell him that either because you know that a time will eventually come when wooyoung will find someone he actually wants. and he'll date them.

he stares at you with a frown that gets slightly deeper. "are you sleeping with other people?"

"of course not." you tell him honestly and don't miss the way his eyes glance at the left side of your chest where your heart resides. he was checking if you were telling the truth. you frown, did he really think you could want anyone else when you could be with him?

"then why do you think i am? you think i'd do something like that to you?"

"i'm not saying that." you sit up, feeling like the conversation derailed from the path you wanted it to take. you wanted wooyoung to know it was okay to have options, no matter how much it bothered you. you didn't want to be keeping him away from anything. "you wouldn't be doing anything to me, we aren't any-"

"we aren't anything, yeah, i know but i still don't want to." he firmly states, eyes gauging your reaction.

you swallow your own insecurities down and lean against his headboard. "it just makes it sound like we're exclusive or something. that's all."

"okay, maybe we should be."

"what do you mean?"

"exclusive. maybe we should be exclusive. it would be safer, for example."

"oh." you let out, scratching your cheek as you look around his room. the curtains are moved to let the sunlight in. "you'd want that?"

"i just suggested it, didn't i?"

"mmm..." you think about it, blush rising to your cheeks under his watchful gaze as he moves closer so that his leg is thrown over your thigh and he's nestled into your side.

you feel like being exclusive will only hurt you more in the long run but then again it will hurt in smaller fractions as well if wooyoung sleeps with other people.

one big hurt versus a dozen of smaller ones...they might inflict the same amount of pain if calculated properly. so you might as well decide to do it all at once when the time eventually comes. hopefully, it will feel like ripping off a band-aid.

"okay. we can be exclusive or...or if we decide to sleep with someone else we should tell each other. y'know, for safety reasons."

wooyoung's head picks up so he can look at you again, chin resting on your shoulder as he stares at you in frustration. "those are two entirely different things. i want to be exclusive, i don't want you to sleep with someone else and then come tell me about it."

you huff, "i won't be sleeping with other people."

you can't even imagine it really. you think wooyoung might've ruined you for other people. asshole.

"good. neither will i." he says simply, hand rubbing over your clothed stomach. "great. now that that's out of the way, do you want to pick up where we left off or do you want to do something else?"

you want to ask 'what else would we even do?' but you know that it will hurt his feelings again and you hate yourself for hurting him. it would be pretense either way. despite all the walls and boundaries you've put up, he's somehow managing to weasel his way through them one by one as the time goes by.

it would be a lie on your part to say that wooyoung and you have the same relationship you've had at the beginning of the semester let alone last year.

you've grown significantly closer, maybe even too close to the point where it's hard to distinguish where the friendship ends and wishful thinking begins. and you know the longer you allow for this to go on, the harder it will be to not get completely wrapped up in your delusions where wooyoung and you could be something more.

for now, you just kiss him though. you run your fingers through his soft hair and try to pour everything you are too afraid to say into the kiss, hoping he might understand. or hoping he might not.

it would be okay if whatever you tell him through kisses remains your little secret. he doesn't have to know.

#ateez angst #ateez x reader #ateez imagine #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung imagine #wooyoung smut

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rreskk · 11 months

Text

TREVOR PHILIPS EXTENDED ANALYSIS

Trevor Philips…

Drug dealer, “international CEO”, son, brother, friend.

TW: -Self harm -Implied drug use -Childhood abuse

I’ve made a longer analysis of Trevor as a character (THIS ISN’T A FANFICTION).

ENJOY!

Growing up in the Canadian region border of America, it has been portrayed that he has a complicated history surrounding family and mental illness. While it isn’t exactly proven (unless Trevor stated himself), his childhood had been the possible causes of his later behaviour and long-term issues. As for now, we see it as psychopathy, or as wiki would say “Intermittent Explosive Disorder” (impulsive behaviour and explosive temper that could lead to physical aggression). Others would argue that he suffers from borderline personality disorder, considering his struggle to contain stable relationships and is seen experiencing the main symptoms of what a person of BPD can have.

His childhood consisted of instability, financial stress, emotional damage, and physical abuse. Trevor mentioned his mothers constant absence to Lamar and Franklin during a friendly hangout. -“She came back, she left again, came back, left again…” The repeated cycle of his mother leaving, whether this was earlier or later in his teens, it would show the great affect it had on him, personally. Trevor made it clear about his abandonment issues during the storyline and dialogue. His whole idea of finding Michael was to fulfil the years of being abandoned and alone. Having experienced this instability for his childhood had took a toll on his emotional availability. The cravenness of reassurance, respect, presence, or just staying with him. However, his anger issues would make it harder for him to keep people around.

Trevor has also stated his anger management being poor since the beginning of his time. After having a conversation with Jimmy De Santa, he was asked when he knew what he wanted in life. It’s safe to say he had this psychotic mindset since birth, theoretically the result of his mother’s drug addict and poor lifestyle. -“I was pulling the legs off spiders, and I wanted more. I wanted to kill all the way up to the food chain until I hit top, the human being.” However, when being antagonised about this behaviour, he swiftly blames it on his childhood as Amanda would say: -“God, he is such a turd! That wounded childhood bullshit – we all had had shitty childhoods, you balding lump!” This same coping mechanism from Trevor is seen when being asked about his mother. We all know he has been through some verbal/emotional abuse as for his fear of talking about her. Trevor has never said anything negative about his mother despite complaining about his childhood… If someone dares speak her name, he’ll throw a fit, a rageful rant about respecting his mother, almost protecting the fact that she may be the reason for his tormented soul. The “Mrs Philips” mission towards the end of the game, we can see the emotional abuse he receives without doing anything wrong to deserve her bitterness. The constant insults and belittlement, Betty even demands Trevor to seek her medication and would not let him inside the trailer until it was finished. If this is bad enough during his adulthood, we can’t even imagine the mess he had to deal with during childhood. Nevertheless, his mother issues has inserted a particular taste in women throughout the years. -“Old women are to be cherished!” He'd say during a strangers and freaks mission. His calm behaviour towards Patricia and any lady in general would suggest his utter respect (or secret fear). He craves female attention and a maternal dependence. If we look at this closely, we may understand how the lack of maternal attachment between the first few years of his life (0-5 years) would influence his later decision to grow attachments to the wrong people, and the wrong things. (This is called attachment theory- psychological theory). Trevor’s mother may have missed most of his early childhood for financial gain (her stripping, prostitution, etc), and therefore left Trevor with whoever she had at home, his brother and some of his step-dads. Occasionally he was left alone.

Moving on to his difficult relationship with fathers in general, we can understand that the physical abuse he gets from the men in his past would influence his behaviour to men in the future and present. Trevor had grew up being physically abused and dominated, almost tricking his mind into exacting himself into the repeated cycle, turning into the abuse he got and aims the intensions to weaker men (Ron, Floyd, Wade) to fill in that insecurities he got from his biological and step-fathers. Although a father figure isn’t as important to a maternal figure, it did affect his perspectives and made his anger issues worse, especially (I can’t exactly remember the source) when Trevor’s biological father abandoned him in a shopping mall (that he later burnt down in retaliation). Being let down by many older figures had made him dependent on people in the future, people who have a stand in power with Trevor, someone who is able to balance and handle his anger (Michael and Franklin).

It has also been stated that his brother, Ryan, had died of unnatural causes. Elements of Trevor’s words would convince us that he had something to do with it considering they hadn’t of gotten along well enough… To live. However, there is not much information surrounding his brother during this time.

His education is flawed (dropping out before graduating) and being expelled due to the aggressive nature. Trevor had moved all over Canada and had been switched between care homes, trailers, schools, prisons all throughout growing up. However, he has surprising gains in mathematics and can workout sums within a second, and with full accuracy. Trevor is able to process mathematical problems fast, as Wade would say: -“He’s very good with numbers.” Furthermore, the lack of grammar and overall English makes him improvise during speeches and messages. Trevor always speaks metaphorically, he hyperbolises a lot, uses imaginative scenarios to engage the people around him. (Sometimes manipulating – extremely, to get his point across… even if it doesn’t make sense).

“I was a drifter up by the border, wandering from truck stop to truck stop, recently out of the military… Huffing gas, fucking people over, killing, eating, whatever.” Trevor’s discharge from the military was caused by the detached and restrained relationship with his mother. Psychologically, maternal dependence and relationships determines someone’s emotional strengths and depth… Trevor mentioned during an online heist that the therapist who was determining his worth would constantly try and talk about his mother, resulting in an episode which… Eventually led to his discharge (thanks to his anger issues). His dreams to fly planes would crush and Trevor would be left drifting around the Midwest, utterly defused and emotionally damaged. That’s until he meets Michael, and then Brad.

2004, the prologue. We can consider Trevor’s experience to be titled as “survivors guilt”. His loyalty and partnership with both Michael and Brad was cut off after they both unexpectedly got shot. Trevor lived with the guilt of seeing his best friends die, thinking he could of done something… But Michael had obviously told him to save himself, resulting in the 9 years of isolation and depression. He was unknown of Michael’s plan to escape the criminal aspects, feasting the money for himself, the money Trevor couldn’t access as his identity was blown. Imagining that Trevor had to shave his hair and beard just to pass the radar of his North Yankton wanted posters, he had to skip towns without money, and impressively invested a meth business, earning a good load to make him… Well, wealthy. His mother had been absent for years after being imprisoned (as it was mentioned through story-mode), leaving Trevor to be living in Sandy Shores with a successful rising drug business, but with the shame of his past abandonment and lawful struggles to keep his morality clean… Obviously his modesty being destroyed by the abuse of drugs and alcohol (his damaging coping mechanisms).

Unsuspecting Michael being alive, it was a total shock for him to see the news, a potential copycat… Yet Trevor knew. Trevor’s intuition was strong, always have been strong. Throughout the gameplay, Trevor has odd intelligence and senses. He can tell when something doesn’t fit and he’ll suddenly click. He can understand situations faster than most people. He caught eyes with Davey and he knew him. He first saw Michael after 9 years and knew he was lying. After some convincing… Michael’s denials had led Trevor to realise that Brad’s imprisonment was also a lie. It seems that although Trevor takes on the worse from his experiences, he also earns himself the skill to predict and understand unfolding events. He can attack and approach situations, while impulsively, but effectively.

Further notes: Trevor’s coping mechanisms would include niche drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, aggression, self-harm, and isolation. He finds himself deeply attached to women in general, often exploiting himself by seeing many prostitutes and masturbating to pornography daily. This would be the result of his mother’s absence and abuse… Nevertheless, he engulfs in self-harm (hitting his head, biting, scratching, etc) as a way to defuse his self-hatred (as he always saw himself as the problem… Thanks to his childhood again). His suicidal tendencies is pretty obvious throughout the gameplay.

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