#he is sorely due for a haircut >.<

[blep-pup]

Hap new year?

what’s a year?

(Milou hasn’t even been alive for 6 months the concept of a new year is probably entirely lost on him)

#blep #puppy #havanese #head tilt #he is sorely due for a haircut >.< #been getting stinky fast #and been doing a lot of brushing #had a bath just last week #already starting to get stinky again #WHAT DO YOU KEEP ROLLING IN WHEN WE GO ON WALKS MY DUDE???

[lemonlover1110]

𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝

Toji Fushiguro

[Chapter 7] First Ultrasound

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Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

On what you’re assuming is the start of the third month of your pregnancy, you finally manage to make an appointment for your first ultrasound. You debate if you want to tell Toji or not. Would he want to come? You’re not too sure if you’re being honest. He’s told you that he wants to be the best possible father for your child, but you don’t trust him. Given his track record, you can’t exactly trust him.

“I’m just here to drop off your money.” Toji can easily transfer money through the bank monthly, but he chooses to give it to you. Every two weeks he’s at your door with your money. You agreed to quit your second job and take his money; you still have your second job, but the nights that you know he’s coming, you take off. Toji invites himself in even if he’s just handing you an envelope. He never comes just to give you that.

“How’s work?” You ask, closing the door when he enters your apartment. You find it ironic that you talk more now than when you were married. He actually engages in conversation now, and he tries to talk to you as well, asking how you’re doing.

“Exhausting.” He answers. You can tell that he’s been working more lately, or at the very least he’s not getting proper sleep. There’s visible bags under his eyes, and he’s slowly letting himself go, at least he doesn’t give the proper care since he has a bit of a stubble; he’s also due for a haircut. “How about you? How are you holding up?”

“I’m doing okay… I’ve been dealing with a bit of morning sickness but nothing crazy.” You answer. You leave out any other of your symptoms. How your breasts are sore, you’re extremely tired (which can also be alluded back to your second job), how you’ve suddenly been having the weirdest cravings. Sure, you’re talking, but you don’t want him to know more than necessary. You try to change the topic since you don’t like having the spotlight on you, “How’s Megumi doing?”

“He’s doing fine… He has a baseball game next Thursday, if you want to come.” He informs you and you take a note of it. You’ll try to go since you have a soft spot for Megumi, but you’re not certain that you’ll make it. 

“I’ll try. Hope I’m doing better then.” You respond. He slowly nods in response, and he tries to think of something to talk about, but nothing comes to mind so he begins to walk to the door. He won’t try to waste both of your time. Before his hand wraps around the doorknob, you speak up,

“Toji…” He completely stops. Not a single breath comes from him until you speak again, “I know that you’re busy so, I’m just inviting you to be courteous… I have my first ultrasound tomorrow, if you want to join me.”

“What time?” He asks, and you tell him. At noon. He nods, and tells you, “I’ll come pick you up.”

He stands still for a moment, wondering what to do next. Wondering if you’re going to do something else. You stand in completely awkward silence for a minute before Toji realizes that nothing else will happen, so he walks out. He doesn’t say goodbye, although you don’t mind it because he never does.

Toji hasn’t been a man that’s usually punctual, so you’re surprised when he’s early. You might’ve told him that the appointment was earlier than it actually is so you wouldn’t be late, but there’s not much you can do when he’s right in front of you, thirty minutes before your appointment. The place isn’t even a twenty minute drive.

“Hi.” You awkwardly smile at him. You notice how he’s finally shaved the stubble, and you’re curious if he did so last night or this morning. “So… I might’ve– The appointment was pushed back to twelve thirty.”

“Oh– Okay.” He answers. You almost tell him the truth, but it might incite an argument so it’s best if you ignore it and tell a little white lie. He won’t question much, he never does, so you’re safe. “Did you eat something already? Do you want to grab something to eat?”

“I don’t have much of an appetite.” You respond, and he nods his head. He isn’t going to argue with you that you should eat something regardless, you’re pregnant and you have to keep yourself healthy for the baby– He isn’t your father nor your husband, you’re old enough to make your own decisions. And while Toji wishes he could say he was worried about this pregnancy, he simply isn’t. As fucked up it is to even think about it, he’s more worried about you than the child you carry.

“What do you want to do then? Do you just want to head out and wait?” He asks, and you nod your head in response, if you get lucky, your appointment will start earlier. You disappear out of his sight for a moment to grab your purse, but you’re back quickly. You exit the apartment and you begin to walk to his car. 

The car ride is silent, you don’t have much to talk about. You don’t sense him being as excited… Or excited at all about this so you’re quiet. You don’t pay him any mind. You’re over the moon at the thought of looking at your baby for the first time. You’re in disbelief that you’re about to become a mother. Finally.

You get to the place and check in. Waiting feels interminable as you sit next to Toji. He simply looks around, while you begin to play a game on your phone. Toji finds himself bored, and since he doesn’t have anything interesting to do, he chooses to try and talk to you. He clears his throat, and speaks up, “So how far along are you anyway?”

“Hm… I think, maybe three months along? I do have a bit of a bump.” You share, and Toji’s brows raise, he looks over at you, but your shirt is baggy which doesn’t let him really figure anything out. His eyes keep staring, and he finds himself frustrated at the fact he doesn’t know. If you lived with him he’d see your body better, and he’d notice every small change. At least that’s what he thinks. 

Your name is called and you stand up, following the woman to the ultrasound room. Toji follows behind, walking much slower, trying to see if he does notice a bit of a bump. The previous night you were wearing a tank top– He didn’t notice anything then. He isn’t all too observant anyway so maybe he missed it.

Toji watches as you lay down, and you begin to talk to the technician. He doesn’t pay much attention to what’s going on between you two. Until you finally lift up your shirt, and he does see a bit of a bump. It’s nothing that’s really noticeable but it’s there when you lift up your shirt, it’s definitely something he would’ve noticed if you lived together. 

You squeal as the cold gel is poured on your abdomen, and the transducer is then pressed on your skin. Your eyes then fall on the monitor, and an immediate smile comes to your lips. A little kidney bean. Your eyes well up with tears as the technician points out their little head.

“It’s just one baby, right?” Toji asks, and the technician assures him that it’s just one baby. It makes him breathe a sigh of relief. He notices you stick out your bottom lip, and he rolls his eyes. You seriously didn’t want twins, did you?

You look over at Toji, trying to see if there’s a bit of excitement behind his eyes when he looks at the ultrasound, and while it’s not clearly written on his face, you see a spark in his eyes as he looks at the monitor. He perks up when he hears the sound of the baby’s heartbeats. It’s in that moment that Toji realizes just how big this is–

He’s a father, he knows the birth of a baby is a big deal. Toji would give up his life for Megumi. But your pregnancy… The beginning of it didn’t excite him the way that his first wife’s did. Maybe it’s because he was set on not being a father again, or maybe it’s because you’re separated. Perhaps it’s because even though he wanted to use your pregnancy as a means for you to stay, you still left. He’s just focused on you and your relationship, not the fact that he’s actually becoming a father again. Doing it all over again.

He isn’t sure if he’s ready to do it all over again; but he feels the excitement slowly grow by looking at his baby and listening to their heartbeat. It’s nothing too crazy though.

When the technician finishes up, you’re handed a napkin to wipe off the gel. You do so, and you’re told to wait for the doctor. You’re smiling foolishly, thinking that you’re becoming a mother even though you had given up on that dream a while ago. Given that dream up for the man that’s waiting next to you.

“You seem really excited.” Toji comments when you’re left alone. He watches your hand go to your lower abdomen as you look up at him.

“I am. I can’t wait to meet my baby.” You answer. Toji chuckles, your excitement radiating and infectious. “Do you want a baby boy or a girl?”

“Hmm… A baby boy since I already know how to deal with boys. I have no idea how I’d raise a girl.” He responds. “How about you? Do you want a girl or a boy?”

“I don’t have a preference, I just want a healthy baby. Boy or girl.” You reply, and Toji wonders if that’s how he should’ve responded. Would that have gotten him positive points with you? Did his response fuck everything up a little more?

The doctor walks in, and she tells you what you want to hear. The baby is healthy, and growing the way they should be. You’re around fourteen weeks along– Which means you’ll be due around December, and that you’re further along than what you assumed. Your baby wasn’t conceived the night that you told Toji you’d be leaving him.

You get your ultrasound pictures, and Toji takes two, even though he tries to act like he isn’t excited.

#toji x y/n #toji zenin #toji fushiguro x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #toji fushiguro #daddy toji #fushiguro toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #jujutsu toji #jjk toji #toji x reader #toji x you #dilf toji #toji fushiguro x you #toji fanfic #toji fic

[topguncortez]

Hold My Hand | Jake Seresin x Shy!Wifey

Opposites Attract Masterlist | Main Masterlist

synopsis: Y/N notices a change with her body, and Jake is there to give her the support she needs.

word count: 1.8k

warnings: mentions of a c-section, postpartum, breastfeeding, unprotected sex, shower sex, fear of doctors, mentions of breast cancer

Y/N felt like she knew more about how a woman’s body changes during pregnancy than her own doctor. By the time she was having baby three, she was an old pro and could tell you exactly what stage of development the fetus was in, how the mother’s body was changing, and the size of the baby. Y/N knew that every pregnancy was different, and each one of hers was different than the last. She knew that being pregnant with twins was going to be vastly different than being pregnant with just one. However, she never accounted for how different it was going to be. 

A C-section was never in the cards for Y/N, but she didn’t really have a choice when she was whisked away by doctors and nurses and taken to an operating room. She didn’t really remember much about it, she could remember being cold, feeling exposed, the scent of burning flesh. But she did remember the feeling of her baby boys being placed on her chest for the first time. She remembered the feeling of Jake running his fingers through her hair and telling her she did a good job. She remembered the bright faces of her other three children when they got to hold the last Seresin babies in their arms. 

Ever since that day, Y/N vowed to do things how she did for the last three pregnancies. She chose to breastfeed the best she could. It was a challenge at first, her milk didn’t come in right away from having the twins early, and due to the c-section. But it got easier once she did start producing, in fact, she started over-producing and woke up most mornings with sore breasts. Jake was great help, waking up during the night to help her feed the twins, and getting her breast pump ready for her. 

The first time she felt the lump was in the middle of the night. Jasper had woken up and was hangry. Y/N told Jake to stay in bed, and that it was just one of the twins that wanted attention. She had gotten him situated to feed when she felt the painful lump on her chest. Y/N had brushed it off, thinking it was just a clogged milk duct. She made sure to feed Jasper on that side, hoping that he could get the clog out. When Jasper was done feeding, Y/N burped him and wrapped him back up in his swaddle.

Y/N didn’t think anything of it, until about two weeks later. 

She and Jake had finally gotten a private moment to themselves. The older three Seresins were at school, and the twins were down for a nap. Y/N placed the baby monitor on the shelf next to the shower and dragged her husband in there with her. Sexy time with Jake was something as few and far between as the passing of Halley’s Comet. They had gotten good at mastering the art of quickies; in the shower, in the garage, in the back of Y/N’s Cadillac SUV. 

Jake’s hands were roaming Y/N’s wet skin, as his mouth was on hers. His cock was gently thrusting in and out of her, trying to make their private moment last as long as it could. Her hands were tangled in his hair, pulling on the blonde locks that had grown way past acceptable for the Navy. Jake was clearly enjoying his time off as much as Y/N was; not having to wake up early, shave every single day, and get constant weekly haircuts. 

“Fuck, sweets,” Jake groaned, as he pressed kisses to her neck. His strong hands held her up against the shower wall, “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” Y/N moaned, tilting her head back. Jake’s tongue moved across her skin, down to her breast. The moment his tongue came in contact with her nipple she let out a hiss and pulled him back by his hair. 

“You okay?” Jake asked, his eyes full of concern, “Is it mas-” 

“Please,” Y/N groaned, “Do not talk about mastitis while your cock is inside me.” 

Jake chuckled and kissed her. He didn’t waste any more time, knowing that at any moment the babies could start crying and want attention. He brought his hand down between their bodies, circling her clit in slow tantalizing circles, bringing her over the edge with his name falling from her lips like a prayer. 

“I’ll go check on, ‘em,” Jake said, as he slipped on his sweatpants. His hair was still damp from the shower, and Y/N still stood in front of the mirror, wrapped in only her towel. She hummed in agreement, and Jake kissed the side of her head before going towards the twins’ nursery. 

Y/N stared at herself in the mirror, waiting for Jake’s voice to come over the baby monitor. She let out a shaky breath as she dropped her towel, and ever so gently, ran her fingers along the side of her breast. The moment her fingers came in contact with what she hoped disappeared weeks ago, she let out a small sob. 

— — — 

One of Valeria Bates-Machado’s favorite things was being able to take care of her friends’ kids. It brought her joy seeing them year after year and seeing how much they have grown. She always made the check-ups less scary for parents and kids. Val had been the Seresin kids’ doctor since they were born and knew probably as much about them as their parents did. This was why Val found it a bit odd that Jasper and Maxwell Seresin were on her schedule for the day. 

“Y/N,” Val said, as she entered the room, “What brings you in today?” 

Y/N gave Val a small smile, “Nothing, just a check-up.” 

Val nodded, “I just saw them three weeks ago.” 

“Well, Jasper seemed to be a little congested.” 

Val nodded again, still not believing the smile on Y/N’s face. It didn’t reach her eyes like it usually did, and she never just showed up like this when her kids had the flu. Y/N was a mom times five, she knew what to do when her babies showed signs of congestion. 

But Val did the check-up either way, and confirmed what Y/N thought, that Jasper did have some congestion, but it was nothing that warranted a visit like this. Val ordered some medicine for the little boy, and held him while Y/N got Maxwell out to feed. 

“So how are things?” Val asked, “When does Jake go back to work full-time?” 

“Next week,” Y/N mumbled, looking down at Maxwell, “He’s excited-” 

“And you’re not?” Y/N took a deep breath, trying to swallow down the tears that were welling up in her throat. Val’s eyes softened as she looked at her friend, “What’s going on?” 

“I…. I need your help with something. I know you’re a pediatrician, but you’re one of the only doctors I trust and you know I don’t trust doctors, and I-” 

“Shh,” Val said, reaching for her friend’s hand, “I got you. Whatever it is, I got you. We’ll get through this.” 

— — — 

It had been a week. 

A slow, dreadful, anxiety-filled week.

Every call, every email, every text message had sent a tiny jolt of anxiety through Y/N’s body. Val said she would reach out to her the second that she got the results back. They had agreed to take it one step at a time, starting with taking some scans. Y/N tried her best to remember that they couldn’t do anything else without getting those scans back, but it didn’t stop her mind from jumping to the worst-case scenario. 

Jake had noticed over the past week that something had been off with Y/N. He couldn’t quite explain it or put his finger on it. She was quieter than normal, shying away from his touches. She had decided to switch to bottles full time, instead of breastfeeding. And every time she held her babies, she would squeeze them just a bit tighter and hold them just a bit longer. 

“What’s going on with you?” Jake asked, as he set down a bowl of ice cream with a caramel brownie in front of her, “You’re never this quiet.” 

“Just tired,” Y/N answered, running a hand over her face, “Having Eli home this week has been a change.” 

Jake nodded, still eyeing his wife. The kids had long since been put to bed, after bathtime and several bedtime stories. It was just the two of them, each having an extra slice of the desert, revealed in the quiet house and alone time. Jake let the silence stretch out a little longer, the only sound was the quiet hum from the baby monitor and the clinking of spoons against the bowl. 

“Alright,” Jake sighed, taking the bowl away from his wife, “Talk to me. What’s going on?” 

“Noth-” 

Jake gave her a look and Y/N returned it with an irritated glare. But the facade only lasted for a minute, before her eyes turned glassy, and her cheeks heated up. Jake’s jaw dropped slightly, as the tears started to flow down her cheeks. Y/N buried her face in her hands and quiet sobs escaped her lips. 

Y/N Seresin was not a woman who cried.  

Y/N Seresin was a tough woman, who hid her tears and walked through hell with a smile. 

Jake Seresin was at a total loss on what to do as his wife cried in front of him. 

He waited for a moment, letting her get her tears out. He grew up with sisters to know that sometimes, you just need to cry it out. That asking questions and trying to figure out why at the moment could make it all worse. Jake waited until the tears had somewhat subsided, before grabbing one of her hands and pulling it away from her face. When her sobs turned into sniffles, Jake squeezed her hand, letting her know that she had the floor to talk. 

“I found a lump,” Y/N whispered, her eyes closed. Jake’s eyebrows furrowed, “I found it a couple of weeks ago, I thought it was just a clogged duct. I went to see Val for some scans and I… They want to run some tests.” She opened her eyes and looked at her husband

Jake didn’t know what to say. 

What do you even say in a situation like this? 

Jake swallowed thickly as he leaned forward in his chair, squeezing her hand. He opened his mouth several times, racking his brain for things to say. 

‘It’ll be alright.’

‘We’ll figure it out.’ 

‘How bad is it?’ 

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ 

Everything Jake was thinking of saying, just didn’t sound right to say out loud. So instead, he sat there, and held her hand.

taglist: @damrlova @shanimallina87 @phoenix1388  @mygyn @cherrycola27  @yanna-banana @seitmai @topgun-imagines  @bradleybeachbabe @na-ta-sh-aa @startrekfangirl2233 @xoxabs88xox @atarmychick007 @lunamoonbby  @sophiaslastbraincell @bradswolfe @fandom-princess-forevermore @angelbabyange @callsignharper @dempy @lovelywiseprincess @krismdavis @eternallyvenus @dakotakazansky @pono-pura-vida @callsignharper @callsignartemis @starberryhorse @daggersquadphantom @gspenc @Dreamgirl3300 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @kmc1989 @spencvrr @frazie99

taglist form

#Jake seresin #Jake seresin imagine #Jake seresin fan fic #Jake seresin fan fiction #Jake seresin x reader #Jake seresin x you #Jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin x shy!wifey #Jake hangman seresin #hangman seresin #hangman #hangman fan fic #hangman fan fiction #hangman x reader #hangman x you #hangman x y/n #top gun #top gun fan fic #top gun fan fiction #top gun imagine #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fan fic #top gun maverick fan fiction #top gun maverick imagine #opposites attract things!

[the-duchess-of-domination]

College Tummy Tales

due to popular demand, here is a comprehensive list of all tummy-related events that happened on campus this semester (these are all 100% real, i promise you 😭😭😭)

1. this literally happened last friday. i live in a sophomore dorm with my roommate and best friend. we live in an all-gender wing, so me and her are constantly patrolling the hallways because really weird stuff happens at night. last friday we heard some activity near our door, and we decided to be nosy and see what was happening. we came out into the hallway and saw our RA standing near the bathroom, and this twenty-year old guy we live across from sitting on the floor (he’s SUPER cute, like he’s got that shoulder-length middle part haircut and is generally just really friendly and playful. i think he’s a theatre major). anyway, he was curled up on the floor with a bottle of ginger ale and he looked absolutely AWFUL. we asked if everything was okay and he cracked this really weak smile and told us the fish from our dining hall made him sick, and he puked and felt really dizzy and had to sit down on the floor. our RA passed by and got really worried about him and just stayed with him until he felt like he could walk back to his dorm. my roommate knows about my interests (she’s SO FUNNY and supportive) and she was like 😏 girl you gotta take care of him. i didn’t want to overwhelm him so we let him rest. i ended up texting him later and asked if he was feeling better, and he said he was and thanked me for checking up on him. i guess the moral of the story is don’t eat the fish from the dining hall.

2. i am friends with a lot of male theatre majors LMAO. this story happened like, a month ago and isn’t as eventful, but another cute male theatre major is in my ballet class (he is the ONLY guy in my ballet class), and one morning he was sitting out from dancing and i came over to talk to him. COMPLETELY UNPROMPTED he LAUNCHED into a monologue about how bad his stomach hurt that morning, complete with the moaning and groaning and everything, even like, sitting up and showing me his stomach and pushing it out. i was so stunned i just started laughing and he jokingly was like “why are you laughing at my pain????” and i was like “idk i guess you just saying the word tummy as a grown man” and he was like “my tummy? my delicate hurting tummy? my sore little belly?” i swear to god, the male theatre majors are built DIFFERENT.

3. on the topic, men seem to feel really comfortable just using the word “tummy” in general, which i find amusing. i can count a couple of occurrences of men using the word tummy for comedic effect, using phrases like “tummy ache survivor” or “having a tummy ache and being a very brave boy about it”

4. this next one happened in the dining hall and i thought someone would find it amusing. im not huge into burps, but last week this big boisterous frat guy kept burping SO LOUD in the dining hall. it was so fucking obnoxious and the burps were so long and sustained. i kept looking over to give them the stink eye, and the guy had like, 5 empty plates, so ig he was a little full and gassy or something because LORD. hopefully he didn’t eat the fish 😟

5. this last one is the real kicker. in one of my design classes there is this cute, chubby redhead that sits next to me. before class started he had begun complaining to no one in particular that he woke up nauseous that morning. im a really friendly girl so i guess people just feel comfortable sharing things with me, but during class this redhead leaned into my ear and whispered something. like ballet, i was so stunned i asked him to repeat it, and it turns out my ears did not deceive me. he said “i have a tummy ache” into my ear, and my eyes widened and i just couldn’t believe it. i asked if he was hungry or something and tried to offer him a granola bar from my bag, but he turned it down and said he was going to eat something after class. but WOW. im still in disbelief about that one.

anyway, that’s all i can think of for now. me and my roommate have a counter called “X amount of days without a man telling [my name] about his stomach.” so far we’ve only made it 2 days because that halloweekend guy in my poetry class made me have to reset the counter. anyway, love my roommate 💖 the other day she was like “girl you’re only attracted to him because he had an upset stomach 🤨” and i DIED because she’s so right. the bar is so low, boys.

#tummy ache #belly gurgling #belly ache #emeto kink #emetophilia #feedee boy #feedee feeder #feeding kink #male feedism #burp kink #burping #fantasies from the duchess 👑

[i-write-boop-spoops]

Link Cable (Pt. 2) - Steven Stone x Reader

thanks you so much to the anon who requested this! it's so juicy, i had to write it also why do i always write fics when i have an assignment due?

this of course, a sequel to Link Cable, so if you haven't read it yet, here's your chance! i think i should write a sequel to the leon version of that fic shameless plug to make it fair, yeah?

features: pregnancy, gn! reader, reader and leon are married, steven is angsty and full of regret. approx 800 words.

proofreading? i hardly know her!

He lets out a great sigh as he flops down on his plush seat. His left shoulder aches, spine sore and knees dull , a large sack of gems and stones nestled in the seat beside him. He groans a little as he rubs his injured shoulder.

He's getting too old for this.

No, that’s not true, he’s only just turned thirty-five. He just needs to take it easier from now on, not push himself as hard in the mine, not spend nearly a whole day there like he did today.

A chine rings out from the speaker. “The Hulbury-Wyndon express train will be departing the station shortly. Please take your assigned seats.”

Ah, it won’t be too bad. He’ll head back to the Rose of the Rondelands and avail of their spa, relax in their tepidarium and maybe get a massage. He’ll dine alone in their restaurant, with a glass or two of vintage whiskey, and turn in for an early night in his suite.

He leans back in his seat, and peruses the provided menu. Maybe he’ll order a cup of tea, and a small cake, a treat, for himself.

The sound of footsteps graces his ears. Looks like he won’t be the only passenger in the first class carriage. He doesn’t pay that any mind though, not even glancing away from the menu as they get situated a few seats behind him.

“Pleasure to have you on board Champion,” a feminine voice speaks aloud, no doubt the attendant for the first class passengers.

Steven blushes and shakes his head, putting the menu down. “Oh, there’s no need to call me-”

“Haha, I haven’t been Champion in years,” the friendly, bravado-rich voice of Galar’s previous champion rings out, followed by a soft, almost sheepish, chuckle.

Steven face falls.

Leon’s here.

He doesn’t dislike the man, no that’s not it, the mere mention of him just leaves a sour taste in his mouth and a panging in his chest. It’s envy, not malice.

After all, Leon has what he wants most… and he did so not through deceit or spite, he was just himself, a good man, a better man than he could ever be.

Steven sighs, he only has himself to blame.

“Would you like a hand with your luggage?” he hears the attend ask the other former champion.

Wait, if Leon’s here, does that mean…?

“Hehe, Lee’s got that covered,” your twinkling voice chines in, light and joyful. His heart skips a beat at the sound, even now, years since you last spoke, even longer since you were in love.

Despite himself, he glances between the seats, eager to get a glimpse of you.

There’s Leon, tall and broad, mane of crazy purple hair thicker and fuller than ever, an easy smile on his face as he effortlessly picks up a heavy looking suitcase and props it in the overhead rack. Like him, he’s older, looking more like a man now, but sill retaining that boyish charm. He must be about thirty.

And then, he spies you.

Shorter than Leon of course, and glowing more than ever, giddy smile on your lips, eyes wearing this almost cosy expression. You look good, not much different from when you last spoke. Your haircut is different sure, your style more casual, especially in those Shinotic-patterned overalls, but it’s unmistakably you.

His gaze drifts lower.

Steven’s heart aches at the sight, years of buried bittersweet feelings clawing out of the grave within his heart. Your stomach, ever-so-lovingly cradled by your hand, is swollen. Your bump’s not big, but it’s obvious.

You’re pregnant.

You’re pregnant with Leon’s child.

In a moment of weakness, awash in all his painful memories and mistakes, his mind runs  down a path forbidden to him, another universe, where it would’ve been him.

He’d have been the one who put that child in you.

He’d be your husband. He’d be the one to put a hand so fondly on your tummy, to help you into your seat, to indulge your strange cravings.

And he’d be there when your baby was born. He’d hold them so carefully, this perfect little mix of the two of you.

But they’re not going to be a mix of the two of you, are they? No, they’re gonna be a mix of you and Leon.

He has to stop himself from letting out a pained sigh. He presses his head against the seat, gazing upwards at the ceiling, his expression desolate.

He can’t change the past, he knows that. He can’t change the fact he neglected you and you found someone so much better, and yet, even now, what he would give to be in Leon’s position.

A part of him thinks to stand up, say something, congratulate you on this blessing, pat Leon on the shoulder, give this whole (disingenuous) show of support, but he’s not enough of a man to do that, to face you, with everything you ever wanted, everything you ever deserved.

So instead, he sits, and gazes out the window as the train rolls out of the station, pretending that, just down the aisle, someone else is not living the life he wants so desperately. That he should have lived, had he not been so selfish.

#steven stone x reader #steven pokemon #pregnancy #steven stone #champion steven #champion steven x reader #steven pokemon x reader #fic #request #silver haired dreamboat #tsuwabuki daigo x reader

[rainythealias]

Will We Have Enough Time?

(Warning for brief mention of dissection/a dissected frog, I have squeezed days 3 and 4 together because I missed day 3 due to a concert I had to perform in) Chuuya plops down on his bed with a sigh, leaning back and letting himself fall into the soft sheets, his baggy t-shirt wrinkling under him. He had just taken off his binder and his back was still sore, the offending piece of shapewear having been thrown into the laundry basket. 

The sun was setting, the last bits of daylight peeking through his curtains, the sky fading into gorgeous golds, pinks, and lavenders, the clouds barely visible in the haze. His next door neighbor was suspiciously absent, the fiend known as Albatross usually throwing pebbles (where does he even find so many?!) at his window this time of evening. Oh well. If he didn't do it now, he'll either do it at some ungodly hour at night or double the amount thrown tomorrow. 

Why was he even doing this? He could be studying for that new science assignment or doing his long overdue math homework, but no. He was thinking about his stupid classmates at 9, the haze of mid-June heat seeping into his skin and making him awfully aware of how he felt. Just so that he wouldn't have to hear the dishwasher outside, he puts his headphones on, dragging them from his desk and plugging them into his phone, putting on whatever playlist he could find. 

It was the second to last week of school. 

The others would be graduating soon, Pianoman and the others heading to university, either in another country or overseas. 

And soon...

It would be Chuuya's turn. 

It would be Chuuya's turn to graduate in a year. His friends were all going to scatter, and so will he.

He may never see some of them again. 

But he was just being dramatic, wasn't he? It wasn't like his friends were dying, they were just moving away. Plus, it wasn't all of them, only the seniors were leaving. His other idiot classmates would stay. Like the insufferable fish-boy from his algebra class who'd fling little bits of paper at him when the teacher wasn't looking and gape like a mackerel when surprised. 

Regrettably, they had gotten to know each other. Some would say that they were friends, best friends, even. Chuuya agreed to an extent, but there was something about Dazai that just felt... different. Maybe it was just the power of how obnoxious he was, the boy standing out in his memories both as a troublemaker and not. Some of his pranks were funny. The others were painful, sometimes even seeming malicious. He had lost many an hour of sleep to the boy's antics, like the time he'd nearly thrown up after finding a dissected frog in his bag after getting home, the innards making a mess of his possessions. 

He would be lying if he said they weren't close, even if the other made no sense to him at times and pestered him and texted him so much in the middle of the night Chuuya thought he was dying. Even if Dazai was dying, he would've probably been happy about it, his strange fixation on suicide alarming but easy to get used to after more afterschool hangouts than anyone could count, outings to cafes and boba shops and...

Just what was he feeling?

What was this feeling of safety and familiarity and warmth? 

What was making those tiny sparks he felt in his fingertips when he held onto the other's freezing hand, leading him through the crowd or vise versa?

What was the bubbly feeling in his chest when Dazai joked about how when they were 30, if they were still single, they would marry for tax benefits because of course the bastard was interested in not paying as much money as he would otherwise? Why didn't he want it to be a joke?

His hair looks soft. Chuuya wants to run his fingers through his fluffy brown hair, all choppy and messy. It was the special kind of self-made haircut, one that screamed "I hated my long hair and fuck anyone who tries to comment on it" and makes Chuuya think that if Dazai had been given any dresses, he'd burned them. 

He remembers how they tried to come out to each other at the same time, on Chuuya's bed scrolling through Dazai's twitter feed, both of them somehow yelling "I'M TRANS!" at the exact same time and collapsing into a fit of giggles afterward, Dazai's arm on Chuuya's chest and Chuuya's foot poking the bottom of Dazai's. He remembers cuddling hard it knocked the breath out of his lungs. He remembers starting to trust Dazai, how he had taken off his binder in front of him for the first time, expecting some sort of comment on "chibi's boobies" but getting nothing of the sort. He remembered the sharing of snacks and soda. How they tricked people into believing they were a couple. (It was Dazai's idea!)

And come to think of it, Dazai's eyes were quite pretty too, but Chuuya thought all eyes were pretty, and Dazai's just happened to stand out. Reddish brown eyes that shone amber in the sun, looking almost black when they stayed out late with hot chocolate in the winter to stargaze. 

Chuuya's never liked a girl, though plenty liked him. Whenever prompted with the question, he'd simply tell everyone that he didn't know her name and that she was in a grade above him, leading to many, many rumors and lots of drama. That excuse would stop working soon, but he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it. Maybe he'll move on to saying grade below him instead. He sure hoped it would work. 

If he's never liked a girl, or anyone for that matter...

Was he in love with Dazai?

Was that a possibility? 

Would it even be possible to figure this all out before Dazai left for summer vacation? Would he have enough time next year with how easily sick the other got to stay with him?

Chuuya's face flushes at the realization that he thought Dazai was attractive. 

Fuck. Maybe he really did have a crush on Dazai.

But would there be enough time to spend with him? Would there truly be enough for both of them before Dazai had to leave for America? 

As the last rays of the sun died away, Chuuya realized something.

There will never be enough time. 

There will never be enough hangouts, enough outings, enough moments. There will never be enough. It would be good while it lasts, if it does.

There will not be enough.

And there never will be.

There will never be enough time to be small.

Time is a funny, funny thing. So are memories. Some you will never get back, and that little thing you thought was insignificant may be your only piece left. The seashell on your desk. That faded polaroid from elementary school. The shoes from your first school dance that pinched your toes. Your aunt's fresh baked pie.

Silently, Chuuya hopes that he will never forget.

Silently, as he slept, he did not dream.

#chuuyaweek23 #chuuyaweek2023 #chuuya fanfic #bsd event #bsd chuuya #bsd #bsd fanfic #fanfic #angst #fluff #coming of age #ao3 writer #writing #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x chuuya #school au #transgender #transmasc

[mushroom-winners-proof]

Design wise, the KH3 designs were more final fantasy looking, ESPECIALLY RIKU'S design. I personally like it as a design, the haircut looks alright for what it is and braveheart kinda looks like a sword you see in FF. Aside from that... the characterization of Riku in KH3 could've been better, but re:mind slightly fixed it.

imo KH3's designs are FAR from FF unless you're trying to say it's like FF7's designs which have the most modern look to them. even then the designs in KH3 feel so similar to each other wherein FF7 each character's outfit has a look that fits their personality and character: they all have modern looks, yet that doesnt stop them from having unique designs that match their character backgrounds. pardon kairi, the outfits in KH3 don't much distinction that feels true to the characters individually, and it makes them feel so blended together.

riku's design probably looks more 'final fantasy' cause brother got noctis's (and dare i say more so vaan's) haircut and his sword is huge, clunky, and has a black-and-silver palette (much like our beloved cloud and leon's blades). braveheart also has such a simple design like the gunblade and buster sword, though the reason it suffers from its design is due to being right after a sword like way to the dawn, not to mention KH keyblades usually having such fun and unique designs. braveheart just sticks out like a sore thumb: the problem is it does look more like something from final fantasy- but this kingdom hearts. it shouldnt look like that

the characterization of riku in KH3 makes me feel like i'm watching the aftereffects of my dog being neutered. he's just so.. Not There. if riku in KH3 wasn't called riku, it's easy for me to see him as someone else for just how different he feels, never mind looks: he lacks any snark or even charm riku had beforehand, and i can't decide if that was intentional on nomura's part to show his growth or riku just didn't get enough time or chances to interact with people to actually let his personality show.

#'long post #snap chats #oh no its a long rant #anyway im not saying i want riku to crack a joke or say a one-liner after every quote #im just saying give him SOMETHING #the most we got is him making fun of sora for feeling worried and him apparently sayin sora would do something stupid #which just feels so weird after KH2 and DDD where we know riku harbors a lot of respect for sora and his strength #i dont want to dock it too much cause i know i dick around with my mates #but it feels so different- esp when sora's been nothing but bullied throughout KH3 #i unno its something ill have to look at again with myself #but i am right in that he feels like sand paper #tho again he doesnt really get much screen time to show off his personality

[vee-crytraps]

Congrats on graduating!!! You go!!!!

I know you've already kind of mentioned it in the story, but would it be possible to know more about Y/N's relationship with Cass, Steph and Barbara? I'm swear I'm just so so invested in the lore you've created and want to know everything about it!!! Have a nice day <3

Ahhh thank you! 🤗 Of course! I'd love to get into it! Rambles under the cut!

Barbara is the oldest sister, of course. She's currently 28 and would have started working with Bruce right around when y/n was adopted. Unfortunately she's mostly around for the Batman side of things, but after Dick left and y/n was briefly Robin, Babs started getting a lot closer with y/n and helped Bruce train her. Barbara was the biggest objector to having y/n be Robin. She doesn't like that Bruce trains kids, but at least Dick (and later Damian) had some kind of dangerous lifestyle beforehand. HOWEVER after she realized it was going to happen whether she approved or not, she trained y/n hard to make sure she can protect herself out on the streets. Funny enough, Barbara was also the biggest objector to y/n being fired as Robin after the Mr. Pyg incident. Babs knows it wasn't fair that y/n got sacked for an occupational hazard. Bruce had been on the fence about it but Dick convinced him to make y/n quit. It's a sore subject between Babs and Dick. They did grow apart again after y/n was barred from vigilante stuff. Barbara was already an adult when she was Batgirl, and a lot of her relationship building with the family happens with masks on. The distance only grows when she becomes paralyzed and is Oracle. She's the most aware of how y/n feels left out though, and will be sure to check on her over the phone and send care packages. Sometimes in silly ways, like using drones. Unfortunately, Barbara is like the busiest person in the family because she's running intel basically 24/7. Y/n tries not to bother her, but Barbara makes time for the important things. She for sure helped y/n through her first crushes, and talked with her some about periods, sex and consent. Responsible big sister Babs is responsible. Also confirmed for perfect present giver. Stephanie is 21, and ultimately the sister she's closest with. She stepped in as Robin after Tim quit, but took a shine to y/n since they're only about 3 years apart. Stephanie has the best work-life balance out of all of the girls. Stephanie will organize movie nights, help fix bad haircuts y/n gave herself once or twice, and probably taught her how to wear makeup. Stephanie also tried to keep y/n sharp even after y/n was no longer Robin, but once Bruce found out he wasn't at all cool about it. Stephanie is still in college though, so she's recently become a lot busier. Every year she tries to invite you to winter break ski-trips or overseas for short spring breaks, but Bruce always comes up with a reason you can't go. Cassandra is 20, having become batgirl after Tim becomes Robin. Y/n tries to get close to her, eager for more sisters, but Cass is a little ...well, skittish isn't the exact word. I think Cass is hard to find when she doesn't want to be disturbed, so y/n never knew when she was home. And Cass is never anywhere a normal person would just 'stumble across'. At first she was somewhat confused about why anyone would want to hang out with her, especially since y/n doesn't fight. After some softening, Cass will share comfortable silences with y/n and I think y/n used to read to Cass out loud (in some canon, Cassandra was purposefully never taught how to read by her parents and masters). Cass really likes the sound of her voice, and finds it amusing when y/n watches bad movies and commentates over them. She's a big MST3K fan, probs. Overall, Cass really enjoys knowing life is in the room/around her, but has trouble participating in it due to her trauma. She's a great listener, and when she's around she loves to sit with y/n. Y/n has asked Cass to teach her sign language in the past, and I think they used to have lessons once a week until they dropped off. Sorry for the huge word dump but hopefully that answers your question! Thanks again for asking <3

#v.ask #you guys are the best actually omg #I feel so appreciated!!!

[landinoandco]

A Game of Chess

Carlos Sainz x reader

Request from @leesuhnakamoto-krys "Carlos Sainz x reader fluff"

Warnings: fluff, a slight reference if you squint.

Word count: 2.2 k

Requests are open :)

This year - due to the current pandemic - there were to be two races in Austria, however to keep with the theme of ‘no two races the same’ they were to be called different things: the Styrian grand prix for the first race and the Austrian Grand Prix for the second. This weekend saw the first of the two and your boyfriend Carlos Sainz finished a respectable 6th place behind his former teammate and current best friend Lando Norris. 

The majority of the grid had decided to stay in the surrounding area, making the most of the time they had - not only to keep on training but to explore. 

Travelling the world with Carlos was a dream come true and you were so lucky to be able to do your job on the move - you were a travel blogger/vlogger and were pretty well known for it as well. A large following of people that enjoyed watching your weekly lifestyle and travel vlogs alongside the photography that came with it. 

It was the Monday following the race so Carlos had taken it as a rest day, you had woken up that morning in his arms, tracing circles on one of them as you both spoke about your plans for the day. 

“And a haircut is what I really need.” He said to you, as you moved a strand that had fallen into his eyes. 

“No, I like it long, you look more -” You paused. “Mature.” Giggling, you moved your hands up to run your fingers through his hair. He shook his head at you, a large smile plastered onto his face. He leaned forward onto his forearms, connecting your lips together for a brief second before pulling away and rolling out of bed. Leaving you, still huddled in all of the covers, watching him as he strode across the room to the hotel chest of drawers, pulling out two t-shirts; one of which he put on and the other being chucked in your general direction. 

“So, cariño, what is your plan for today?” Carlos asked, flopping onto the bed and looking up to you.

“I think I’m going to go and explore the town, some of my followers have recommended a few places so I think I am going to check those out, take a few photos-” You trailed off as he began to draw patterns onto the palm of your hand. You smiled fondly at him, you had met just before lockdown completely by chance after you bumped into him in a train station. He had asked for your number and feeling like he had given you no reason to say no, you did and as it turns out, it was the best decision of your life. “What is your plan for the day ahead, mi Amor.” 

“I think I am meeting Lando this afternoon at a café down the road. I’m going to teach him to play chess.” He said proudly, emphasising the word ‘chess.’ 

“Chess?” You questioned, reaching over for the top and putting it on. It was one of his old team McLaren t-shirts, you scoffed at his still apparent loyalty to the team; admittedly it was your favourite but Ferrari didn’t need to know that. 

“Yes.” Carlos stated, he then pointed at the t-shirt you were wearing. “I would recommend not leaving the hotel room with that t-shirt on. I don’t want to get into trouble.” He fought to keep the smile off of his lips. Your eyes lit up, “I wouldn’t even dream of it, mi Amor.”

You had agreed with Carlos that as soon as you had finished what you had set out to do that morning, you would meet him in the café alongside Lando. “Do you fancy playing a game of chess with me, later?” You had asked before you went your separate ways. 

Carlos gave a lopsided grin and kissed your forehead. “We will see, cariño, we will see.” With that he stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked down the street. Styria was a beautiful town, a handful of buildings situated in the mass of rolling hills and mountain tops that covered the landscape for as far as the eye could see. 

You had walked up to a stone viewing point at the peak of the town, a small bench that overlooked the south past Styria and into the Austrian countryside.

You loved this time you got to yourself, it allowed for you to sit and reminisce; bathing in all of the memories that lead up to this point in your life. You thought back to the day Carlos asked you to move to Italy with him - due to him changing teams. It almost broke your relationship, the thought of leaving all of your family and friends behind in England but in the end you decided it was an adventure too thrilling to pass on...

It was a breezy summer evening in London, the clouds had blanketed the city and a faint rumble of the traffic could be heard from your apartment. Carlos had messaged you earlier that day, asking if he could talk to you when he got home - for the remainder of that afternoon nerves had settled comfortably in the pit of your stomach. At last you heard the unlocking of the door, your head whipped around to see a tired looking Carlos to fall through the door with a sigh. As soon as he looked up and saw you sat on the sofa, his eyes gleamed. “Mi amor.” He said tiredly, his brows knitted momentarily before he nodded his head. “Right, my text message.” You nodded unsure of where this conversation was heading. It was early days in your relationship so anything was possible. 

“I got an offer from Ferrari-” He started, making his way over to you, you watched him intently, nibbling on your lower lip. “It’s an offer that in this industry you don’t turn down, obviously there is a lot to consider because it would mean leaving McLaren and-” He sighed, “This country behind.” 

A line appeared between your brows, you didn’t speak for fear of interrupting his train of thought. He took your hand in his. 

“If I signed with Ferrari, I would have to move to Italy-” Your mouth made an ‘o’ shape. “Which is why I wanted to ask you if you would come with me.” 

You definitely didn’t expect him to ask this, any expression that was on your face before had been wiped as you took to staring. “I’m asking a big thing and obviously you don’t have to answer straight away.” He rushed in response to your dumbfounded expression. 

For the next few days - after that conversation - the atmosphere between the pair of you had become tense, you had decided to call your sister and explained the whole situation to her. In a nutshell she called you an idiot for not saying yes immediately.  

“I’ve been thinking-” You began to Carlos that evening . “I would love to move to Italy with you. It’s a good opportunity to really write our story, explore the world - together. It will be such a great adventure.” Carlos didn’t need to ask you twice and he enveloped you into his arms and span you around, meeting your lips with his. 

“I love you.” He said, placing his forehead on yours. That night was also the first time those three words were exchanged. “I love you too.” You replied sweetly, your lips brushing his as you did so. 

You smiled fondly at the memory. You were so lucky to have found Carlos - actually you found each other - you like to believe that it was the universe who had a hand in it. Carlos was your soulmate and you were honoured to be able to call him that. 

Deciding it was time you made your way back to him, you started on your journey back to the main town - down the steep, winding path, birds darting overhead and the chirp of crickets sounding in the hedgerows. 

You reached the café and as soon as you opened the door, you were hit with the smell of warm coffee, you went over to the counter and ordered yourself a latte - casting your gaze around the old fashioned shop, you were surprised to see that only a few people were sitting inside; an older couple, who had taken extreme interest in the pair you were here to see. You chuckled to yourself as the barista placed your drink onto the counter in front of you. 

“Drew quite the crowd earlier.” He leant over the counter, pointing to the pair, they were stuck in an intense game of chess and by the looks of it - Lando was winning. Carlos looked up, shaking his head as Lando moved another one of his pieces off of the board; as he did he noticed you standing there and waved you over. 

“Yes, I bet they did.” You chuckled, taking the drink and nodding ‘thanks’ to him. Carlos pulled a chair up for you and motioned to the chess board in anguish, “You will not believe it, mi Amor. He is beating me.” Lando was sat on the other side wearing a cocky grin and his arms crossed onto the table. 

“So what you are trying to tell me, Carli , is that you taught Lando too well and now he is beating you.” You pointed out, the corners of your eyes crinkled. Carlos only glared at you, sighing dramatically. Lando played incredibly well and did take the victory, punching his arms in the air as he called out ‘checkmate.’ 

“The student becomes the master.” He cheered, high fiving you and offered to shake Carlos’ hand but Carlos pouted and pushed it away with his index finger. “No. How on earth did you win? I’ve only just taught you.” He cried out. 

You looked at Lando as Lando looked at you, both fighting the urge to laugh. You couldn’t hold it in as you held onto the table - both doubling over. 

“I love you, Carli, I really do but - boy - are you a sore loser.” You managed to say. 

“Well, cheers, mate.” Lando said getting up, wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes. “I’m going to head off now. Dinner with Jon.” You waved as he left, fist bumping Carlos on his way past. 

“Do you fancy a game with me now?” You asked, your elbow was resting on the table so you leant on the heel of your palm. 

“On one condition.” Carlos said, setting the chess board back up, “As long as you promise not to beat me like Lando just did.” 

“Of course, mi Amor.” You said, a hint of mocking in your tone. You admired the way he scrunched up his nose as he concentrated, working out what his first move was going to be. 

“The aim of chess is to be in control of your opponent, you want to be able to trick them into doing exactly what you want them to do.” Carlos said, moving his first piece. “You have to play with dominance.” He added theatrically. 

“You want me to be dominant?” You repeated incredulously, a smirk toying with your lips. “Well, why didn’t you say so. After all this time-” 

“Mi Amor.” He gasped, lowering his voice. “Not like that -” He stammered, a pink flush rising up his neck. You only winked in reply and made your move. 

“Go on, tell me more about chess.” You urged him on, watching as he went to make his move. He paused, met your gaze and narrowed his eyes. You shrugged innocently and he carried on; his gaze softened as a reminiscent haze coated his eyes. 

“You know,” Carlos began, placing the chess piece down and resting both of his elbows onto the table. “When my dad first met my mum, he taught her how to play chess and they used to sit in the kitchen on a Sunday morning after church and play. It was then my mum who taught me, on the weekends when my dad was away racing; we used to sit in the kitchen together on a Sunday after church and play. It was always the highlight of my weekend.” You watched as he fondly spoke about his family, warmth filled your chest. 

“You teach me well then and maybe we could turn it into a tradition.” You spoke gently, reaching over the table to take his hand in yours. Awe transformed his face as he gazed at you. 

Many years later you would end up making it a tradition, as you taught your daughter how to play on a Sunday after church as she watched her daddy race. You would tell her the story every time you would go to play and every time you would think about how lucky you were to have bumped into that stranger in the train station. They say that you will find your soulmate when you least expect it and after all these years - you would have to agree. 

#f1 #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz one shot #carlos sainz fanfiction #lando norris x reader #f1 2021 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fandom #formula one fanfiction #formula one one shot #formula one x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula one #Ferrari

[bunny-xoxo]

Modern!Eren Jeager Relationship Headcannons

Modern!Eren Jeager x reader

a/n: I love this little shithead. These are just some headcannons of how I think it would be being in a relationship with modern!eren. Just to clarify, the characters are always aged up and in unversity if it’s a modern!au unless otherwise stated!! Please enjoy and feel free to come in my inbox and share your Himbo!Eren thoughts😩

gif not mine, credit to owner

Ok, for starters, Himbo Eren Supremacy!

Eren might not be the uhm smartest, he’s kind of a big cuddly idiot, and he is big and respects women -> Himbo!Eren

Anyways

Being with Eren means having a box full of ridiculous hand made gifts from Eren that he insists on you keeping for sentimental reasons, no matter how senseless they are

They’re usually really stupid and cheesy letters he writes on a torn piece of notebook paper while he’s in class when it’s especially boring him

They’re not even coherent thoughts on the paper sometimes

“Hi :) I’m sitting here feeling like I’m going to pass out from how boring this class is, and we’re supposed to be taking notes but I think I’ll just copy them from you or Mikasa later though hahahaha don’t! Tell Arma Armin! He’ll just yell at me :( unless I tell him I like his new haircut maybe which i actually do by the way it’s funny my hairs long now and his is short 1. Oreos 2. Milk 3. Shampoo 4. Hand sanitzer sorry I need this stuff and I would forget if i didn’t write it down. I bet you look really pretty right now :) in my head I’m kissing you teehee”

And every other part of the paper that isn’t filled up with his rambling is stick figure doodles of you two kissing and holding hands and one of him and jean arm wrestling but don’t ask him about it, he lost in his head this time so he’s gonna work out more later sdfnarfn

You have hair ties littered all over your place it’s ridiculous

You find them literally everywhere - probably cause he likes to fling them across the room and see how far he can get them when he takes them out of his hair, he will be stealing most of yours if you use them

He love love loves when you run your hands through his hair and massage his scalp after he takes his ponytail out

He almost immediately lays face down in your lap and groans while he moves around to get comfortable

If you don’t immediately start he’ll just look up at you with a little pout and move one of your hands to his hair and raise his eyebrows at you, waiting for you to pamper him

Loves being pampered and will definitely let you do his nails just to feel your soft hands on his - and cause he likes the way you always rub lotion into them after

Very touchy boy, I HC his love language being Physical Touch, hence how bad he loves being pampered

He loves when he comes out of the shower and comes to lay down with you, all sore from practice - it’s Eren, we know he play’s SOME kind of sport - and your hands start working all the knots out of his back and neck, working their way to the top of his shoulders and squeezing while they drag down his biceps all the way to his hands

Kiss his knuckles and he WILL melt

He never feels more loved than when you’re taking care of him like that, and let’s be honest you don’t mind running your hands over his toned body either

He loves pampering you as much as he loves receiving it, too

Loves rubbing your legs while he lays between them with his head resting on your midsection

His hands are rough due to years of abuse from playing sports, and they feel so good when he’s squeezing the muscles in your calf life that

Sometimes if you’re feeling sore, he’ll help you stretch your legs out

He’ll be sitting back on his knees by your feet, your legs spread in front of him. He grabs your left leg by your calf while he inches forward to lean above and bring your leg up with him, stretching your knee to your ear. The hand that’s not locked on your calf is resting by your head with his face mere inches from yours, his hair tickling your cheeks. You’re like that for a few moments before he leans in and ghosts his lips over yours, abruptly shifting up and kissing your nose instead. “Other leg!” jackass

He would love giving you back massages too oh god, and I mean like proper back rubs.

He’d have you laid out on your bed while hes straddling your from behind and pressing his fingers deep into the sore tissue there - sometimes you fall asleep and drool a little and he finds it so cute

He just loves loving up on you, period

On another note, he wouldn’t just steal your hair ties if you had any, he’d steal everything LMAO

Your hand lotion? He pockets it cause it just smells so good and always had his hands feeling soft whenever you let him use some. And why would he go and buy it if you have some?

Firm believer that y’all share everything

He’s stolen lotion, gum, socks that barely fit him, chapstick, lip scrub, pens, highlighters, literally anything.

And once you start to notice he’s all, “What? We’re in a relationship, partners are supposed to share everything. I mean, you steal my hoodies!”

“Eren, you give those to me cause you said it makes our relationship more ‘official.’”

“Ok, well that’s beside the point. All I’m saying is I don’t see the big deal. You’re more than welcome to take any of my stuff you like!”

Which is a nice thought except for the fact everything he has at this point just seems like more shit he’s stolen from you

More on his hoodies, he goes absolutely bananas seeing you wear his hoodie

He seriously gets so giddy and feels like his hearts gonna explode

He always smiles all big and wraps his arms around and lifts you into the air - it does not matter how big you are he’s going to do it

“Hiiii cutie.” He always says this and then buries his face into the crook of your neck and places sweet kisses there. Then he stands up straight and pulls the hood onto your face and tightens the strings, making it all scrunch up, sadly no he doesn’t care if your hair is done or if you wear glasses, he will do it regardless

One time you were a little grumpy with him from playing games with “the boys” for too long and neglecting you of some attention, so to apologize he just brought you a hoodie with some of his cologne sprayed on it -i just know he smells great- and put it on you and held you and pressed just so many kisses to your face and said sorry over and over again until you were giggling and gave in

He loves when you sit in his room with him while he plays games on his pc with his buddies definitely a PC gamer cmon

However, he will get more embarrassed than frustrated if you hear Jean teasing him cause he’s lowkey trying hard to impress you akfergirgu

“D’ya see that babe? I got first place with the highest kill count and the least amount of respawns 😏”

“Yeah I did Eren, that’s awesome buddy.”

He’d just smile and spin back around in his chair feeling all prideful pls protect him

If you join in teasing him he WILL pout after and you WILL have to make him a grilled cheese as your form of an apology

He will eat it in silence, look at you and try not to smile and just roll over and sigh SO loud

“I guess I can forgive you.”

Please he’s such a brat, but he’s your brat

———————

he’s such an idiot and I jus wanna hug from him and to wear his stupid hoodies 😪 I hope y’all enjoyed! Feel free to browse my blog or pop into my inbox! Love u cutie

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites

#attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #aot #modern!au aot #aot x reader #aot headcanons #eren jaeger #eren jäger #eren headcanons #eren x you #eren x reader #eren x y/n #eren imagines #eren oneshot #shigenki no kyojin #snk headcanons #snk x reader #modern!eren #eren jeager headcanons #eren jeager fluff #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager x you

[bakugohoex]

“we’re you two...from the future”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female reader

cw: language, violence, fluff

word count: 3800+

a/n: umm sorry for not posting requests, im getting through them all, so hopefully they’ll all be done by the end of the month

summary: in which you and bakugo sneak out intending to go see some stars but are met with the unlikliest of people, explaining their situation, you end up fighting alongside them, and realising just how far your relationship will go with the blond

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

You laid sprawled against Bakugo, his finger flicking through Tiktok which you had forced him to get. One hand playing in your hair whilst he did so, you were reading some manga that had come out for your favourite series. It was a peaceful mood between the two of you, no shouting, no anger just the sound of the soft music playing from your speakers and the Tiktok sounds off of Bakugo.

His rough hands felt warm in your hair, massaging the scalp occasionally which gave you a burst of love. He looked down dropping his phone to the side as he watched you read. The way your eyes would crease when a serious panel was occurring or loosen when something more joyful happened.

“Stop staring, it’s creepy.” You muttered playfully.

He scowled at you, letting go of your hair and moving his legs to make you fall on the bed. “That’s what you get for calling me creepy.”

Chuckling at the boy you drop the manga to the side, moving back between his legs as you rested your head against his chest. He wrapped his hands around your waist and put his chin on top of your head as he let you on his phone.

The boy who had no apps and only cared about the health one. It worried you and forcing him to get Tiktok had made him hate his phone even more due to spending a whole night just scrolling without realising.

“I heard there’s a new exhibition opening up tonight, we should sneak out and go.” Your soft voice contrasted his much louder one. It was angelic almost feeling like he was around an unearthly presence when you were around.

He raises an eyebrow at the thought, “if it’s another shitty exhibition then were not going.”

“It’s not, they’re doing a midnight watch the stars thing.” He smiled watching you try to find the article but unable to. The photo on his home screen reminding him of how much he actually did love spending time with you.

Another late-night outing to get ice cream and it was a photo of the both of you watching the sunset. It was cute enough, but he’d hate if anybody saw it and tarnished his reputation as confident and independent which you’d often refer to as being a dick.

“Yeah, yeah we’ll go then.” He sounded bored of the situation, but you knew him better than anybody through the unamusement he was melting inside. He would get to watch the stars with his love, and he wouldn’t have to worry about anything else.

Midnight arises quicker than usual, Bakugo was normally asleep by 8pm so nobody bothered to question him leaving early. And you, well he’d probably want you beside him, so nobody questioned that either.

Instead you were met by the balcony, Bakugo’s arms around you as you wrapped your arms around his neck. You both had done this too many times to count, you guessed Aizawa knew and didn’t care. As long as you two came back safe than everything would be fine.

The fall from the balcony sent a rush of wind through your hair as Bakugo’s quirk activated and you felt yourself in the air. He had gotten used to using his quirk to fly and was able to do it with a lot more ease and precision. If you let, go you’d be a goner and he’d probably have to save you.

Seeing his lips twitch he was trying to suppress a smile but instead he stayed stoic as usual. Inside his heart was aching at how you looked in the air. It was his favourite time with you, the way you looked so utterly magnificent in the air. It was a true sight for sore eyes for the blond.

Finally landing, you felt the ground under you wobbling a bit. Bakugo grabbed you which helped you a lot more than you realised. His arms holding you upright just as you two were outside the exhibition hall.

Seeing the line, he sees your bright smile and heavy breaths through the air. “i want a good seat.” You take his hand dragging him towards the line as you both stood and waiting in line.

You could hear the line shuffle before hearing a familiar voice behind you. “Baby, we always miss the midnight showings, come on whilst we’re here.”

It sounded too familiar even, like it was your own. You were about to turn around to see but felt Bakugo drag you forward. The voice ringed through your head, it could’ve just been your imagination, but it was weird. It felt like an echo of the future.

The hall was almost empty, a lot more people had bought tickets to the other exhibitions rather than the planetarium one which made it a lot better for the two of you. Underneath the stars alone would be perfect especially if Bakugo could freely watch you as well.

“Two tickets to the planetarium.” Bakugo had already bought the tickets inside but the sound of the same voice again was heard. Trying to look back to see, people had begun crowding around to get other essentials, mostly food. The person was no longer visible, and you turned to face Bakugo.

“What’s wrong?” He crossed his arms waiting for an answer.

“I keep hearing someone, she...she sounds like me.” He comes closer giving you a look before hugging you.

“It’s probably your imagination, it’s late that’s why, come on dumbass.” He let’s go of you right at the end of his talk and takes your hand. Kissing the back to bring some comfort.

You both walk in seeing an almost empty room. It was midnight on a Tuesday you didn’t really expect a lot of people but nobody really.

Both you and Bakugo sat on the back row. It was the perfect sear for him to watch the stars but also see how beautiful you looked under the white light. The sound of more people coming brought relief that this event would still occur. Bakugo’s hand rested on top of yours he watched out how there was only natural light from outside but even then, the moon did little against the darkness.

“Just sit down, we can’t be worrying about seats.” You heard the voice again and this time it seemed closer than usual, almost next to you.

Bakugo’s thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand. A comfort but as you turned to finally meet the woman you were met with a heavy shock. A scream belched through the room, everybody had gone silent, Bakugo in an instant was up ready to fight whoever it was.

“Bakugo.” The two of you shouted, the woman in front of you looked at you with cares as you looked back at her. The same eyes, same nose, same mouth, hell even the hair was a bit longer for her, but it was there. And the voice, the same shout for your loves.

“Y/n.” This time the two guys who had been standing up ready to see what had happened had spoken and this time a confusion settled between the four of you.

“Outside now.” The blond said, it sounded exactly like your Bakugo but didn’t. Rougher around the edges an even deeper voice. But it couldn’t be, the two had gotten up scurrying outside and you followed.

Apologising to the others as you left, the opened the doors again and were met with the inside of the yellow lamps. It helped to see better and this time you and Bakugo had a full view of the two.

Your eyes widened at her, the hero costume exactly like yours but more seductive, professional even was around her. She stared back at you, the younger her, the one who hadn’t experienced what was to come.

The two men stood in front of each other, Bakugo’s winter outfit on the much taller man. You had remained the same height, but it seemed Bakugo had grown to over 6ft and his much smaller self looked with a snarl. But even then, he looked the same, the same look of disgust, the piercing scarlet eyes along with the same hero costume. He may look more built and even more intimidating but having her beside him making him look almost sweet like a lost puppy and she was his master.  

“It can’t be.” You whispered out.

“Oh but it is.” The woman spoke out, “i missed that ugly haircut you used to have.”

She had said it to Bakugo’s older self who remarked back a scowl and crossed arms, something your own was doing himself, “I grew out of the Pomeranian look dumbass.”

“What the fuck shitty woman? Fucking explain what this is.” Bakugo growled, he was annoyed and confused two emotions he hated being.

You went to grab his hand and he became a lot more settled at that touch. “Did i really only settle down if you were there?” The older Bakugo muttered, he had more of an undercut but even then, you could tell it was Bakugo.

“Yeah, you were a pussy back then.” The older him glared at her, she glared back but even then, he softly pushed her to the side. “Fucking twat.”

“Don’t fucking swear in front of kids.” You and Bakugo stood in confusion at the squabble going on between the older versions of yourself.

“If you hurt me ill wake up from this horrible nightmare.” You kept whispering but even then, it was real.

The two-stop fighting and looked back at the both of you. “Let’s get ice cream, you’re paying.” She pointed at the version of Bakugo before taking your hand. “We have so much to explain.”

“Her younger self was so much better why’d she have to fucking grow up.” The older version spoke with a pissed off tone, he watched the two walk away before looking at his younger self. “The hair was shit, kid.”

“What the fuck, shut up old man, and stop talking about my girlfriend like that.” Your Bakugo remarked back, always the hot head.

The ice cream shop was only a few minutes away and both the older versions of yourself went to order. “Katsuki, what the fuck is happening?”

“They’re us Y/n.”

You pushed his arm which went back around the back of the booth. It skimmed back and forth onto your shoulder as you leaned into his side. “Way to state the obvious.”

“They could be villains, who have some sort of transformation quirk, whatever it is, the first sign of danger I’ll kill them.” Bakugo looked outside, he felt your soft fingers on his thigh out of reassurance that he was real.

The two came back with a tray of both your favourite ice cream. “We did like this when we were kids right?” She said to her Bakugo, he shrugged picking the ice cream and taking a bite of it.

“Who are you two?” You questioned taking the ice cream and mixing it with your plastic spoon to become softer. You watched the older version do the exact same thing and knew it couldn’t have been a villain.

“Younger you sure was fucking unaware.” The older Bakugo spoke a loud.

“Don’t be a twat.” She hit his arm, making him wrap his arm around her as well.

It was like an exact copy of you two on each side and it felt eerie. “We need proof you ain’t villains, if you are, I’ll kill you both.”

“We understand that but let us explain what happened first Katsuki.” She spoke his name with the same love and ease, it felt too familiar to him, like he had heard it so many times before.

You nod starting to lick at the spoon as you waited to hear, “quick version, we were trying to catch this villain, he has a quirk that can send people back in time, and the fucking asshole sent us back in time.”

You smiled at the older boy, how similar Bakugo remained in the future. How he still had the same look of disgust but when looking at you, he saw hope and love. “That’s a shitty explanation.” She continued, “he sends people back in time and follows them to kill their past self to create a loophole.” She plays with the spoon taking a hesitant pause, “we’re you two...from the future.”

“You two idiots got caught.” Bakugo began laughing as if he was making fun of your classmates before he realised. “Wa...” Bakugo kicked under the table at his older self, “you got fucking caught you dumbass.”

“It’s fine, it only lasts an hour, that’s why normally those who get sent back come back to their time but then begin to disintegrate as there younger selves died.”

“We would’ve heard about these cases.” You were confused at how this hadn’t been mainstream news.

“With no culprit, it won’t make the headlines.” She licked the spoon before setting the container onto the table. “Any questions?”

“I don’t believe I’d be that much of a dumbass to get caught, prove you’re us.” Bakugo proposed, his hands had been playing in your hair and he really wanted to imagine this was some kind of dream he was in.

“God kids are fucking annoying, remind me to never give you one.”

“He’s you.” You and your older self-speak in unison and the look of horror at the angry boy in front of him was something else.

“You better not get her pregnant at...” Bakugo mutters seeing your older self, he sees the beauty you retain. How you look like a goddess to him and how you always still remain his love.

“26.” She says smiling happily.

“Are you two married?” You ask, hoping something had occurred by now.

She goes through her pockets, the boy next to her doing the same before finding what she’s looking for. A silver band with a crystal in the middle. it was beautiful, Bakugo’s own having something inscribed on it.

“Engaged.” She shows the ring to you on her finger, it fitted her finger perfectly. Your fingers perfectly. Your Bakugo looked at the sight, he had gotten the courage to do it, to make you permanently his. You both would last forever.

Bakugo coughs to try and get out of his happiness and go back to his angry self. “Go on then, ask us the shitty questions?”

“Why were you at that event?”

His older self looking at her before rolling his eyes leaning back on the booth, “her and her obsession with the stars.”

“We had to time to kill.” She elbows his side making him give a glare to the woman. Not his normal disgusted one but one that you all knew he was joking and mocking the woman.

“What are you both in the Hero Charts?” That was the question Bakugo really cared about; he didn’t need proof anymore he just wanted to know if he made it to the top.

“I’m 5th and umm, Suki...” She let him speak, you were happy to be in the top ten that was an achievement, but you could tell the words that would come out of his older self would not be happy ones.

Before any words could come out the sound of lightening sprung out through the street. “It can’t be, he said he wouldn’t bother killing our younger selves why is he here?” She said seeing the man in the dark black cloak. “He said he just needed us gone for an hour, why is he here?”

“He’s the asshole who sent you back, let’s go capture him then.” Your Bakugo got up and but was stopped by himself.

“You’re a child, I’m not letting myself go out there and die.”

“Let go of me old man.” The tension between the two was thick enough to cut through. But there were bigger issues at hand here. The sound of the villain prowling the street, a menace ready to attack.

“You two are staying fucking put.” Bakugo’s older self-looked tired, it was in his eyes, you could see it, the years getting to the pro hero but at the sight of your older self running out, he followed.

Bakugo tried to get up but you put your arm out to stop him, “wait.”

“Y/n, I’m not letting our future selves die out there.” He grumbled swatting your hand away.

“I want to see how they work together, how we work together.” Of course you and Bakugo had fought alongside each other, but watching them, it would show the progress, your aim and how far you had gotten.

“Hiding your younger selves won’t help you both.” The villain remarked, his hand in the ready with a knife.

She grabbed a hold of him with her quirk smashing him into a wall. The way he indented the wall showed you the sheer amount of strength you had with your quirk. Your ability to not only move him with your hand but also put enough force onto the wall to break around him.

Bakugo’s hands turned yellow, you could almost see the power seethe from him, your own looking at himself, watching intentively at how his explosions had become bigger and bigger in his palm. Even without the gauntlets he had power, an excessive amount that fuelled his rage. He began to attack whilst she remained on defence, but the villain just skimmed past the explosion charging at her.

She grabbed the discarded bricks from the floor bringing your hands up to make them float and tried to encase him, but his pure strength outweighed her own as you could see him nearing her through the window. You ran out, Bakugo running with you as the four of you stood. “I told you to brats to stay inside.” His older version shouted, fire fulling him as he attacked the man who neared you. Your own allowed his quirk to activate and this in turn led to fire and explosions burning the street at how both tried to stop the villain.

You ran up to the older woman, she looked at you with care, “I’m going to teach you something.” She grabbed your hands, and you could feel a warmth from between your fingers. “Think of the rubble, the discarding bricks, anything that has broken off Y/n.”

You did so staring into her eyes, the pools of depth seeping out as she spoke with such confidence. “Keep thinking about it.” You did, thinking of the fallen rubble and discarded bricks and when you opened your eyes, it was up in the air. Both your quirks coming together to allow for it all to surround you both. You both saw the two boys hit the villain missing the reckless knife and knew that the villain was out of breathe from the force of it all.

But now there was you two, and in an instant, she shouted at you, “push it all onto him.” You followed through, everything felt heavy under the movement of your fingers, you could see her own becoming ashy and scarred but she kept a hold of the majority of the weight. You felt the weight of it all and as you pushed it onto the villain, Bakugo’s older self grabbing him to move out of the way. The villain became trapped onto the wall, the two boys came up to you both as they both went to their respective partner. “Are you okay?”

It was in unison and they both grabbed your hands, the ash and spilt skin between your fingers was evident. The action was the same and you knew it would never change, your older self turned to face you both as she glared. “You shouldn’t have come out but thank you.”

“You both did okay, it doesn’t mean anything though, you’ve both got far to go.”

“Shut it old man.” Your Bakugo grinned out, his arm around your shoulder lazily.

His older self tilted his head back in a chuckle before grabbing her hand. “We’re running out of time.”

“But we still have so many questions.” You were hesitant to ask before but now working alongside the two pro heroes you wanted to know more.

“We’ve got two minutes make it fast.” They both walked towards the villain, grabbing the unconscious body from the side. The excessive heat from both the Bakugo’s had caused fires and you could hear the police and heroes come to see the scuffle. Walking into an alleyway, you both stood in front of your selves.

“I guess I only have one question.” You looked at Bakugo and he looked back at you, his hand resting on your shoulder bringing warmth to you.

“Are we happy?” Bakugo held you tighter and the two smiled at you.

His older self began talking, kicking the villain to make him shut up. “There’s ups and down, a lot more to come but we’re happy, aren’t we?”

“We are.” He smiles at her, love in his eyes, even after 10 years of being together there was still love and adoration for her. It was something Bakugo had for you, but it had intensified along the years. It was almost too beautiful, there eyes on one another, how perfectly they fit together, it was perfect.

“Well I guess this is goodbye, have fun and…” You trailed off as Bakugo’s older self interrupted.

“Don’t do anything stupid, and wear a con…” Before he could finish the three disappeared and you and Bakugo were left alone in the alleyway. A confusion between the two of you as you both walked out of the alleyway.

“That was weird.” You muttered grabbing the boys palms.

“You’ve got that right, stupid old man bossing us about.”

“Did you just indirectly call yourself stupid?” You laughed as he rolled his eyes.

“Whatever at least I know your mine forever now.” He spoke softer, something he did when around you as you both walked through the street. The darkness around you as you had walked the opposite direction of where the fire had occurred.

“You’re such a sap.” You chuckled tilting your head backwards, he saw how strong you’d become, and it lightened a fire in how you both were so utterly in love, a perfect pro hero couple.

He held your hand tighter giving a glare, “you’re the fucking sap, baby.”

“Let’s watch the stars.” You hummed having ignored the comment and dragging him up the hill where you could lay on the grass and look right up to the sky.

“Yeah, yeah.” He held your hand tighter before you dropped to the ground and he sat beside you. You laid down looking at that the speckles of white throughout the hues of black and blue. A sight to the say the least and as you stared at the sky all he could do was stare at you. His girl, his love, his future.

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#katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugo headcanons #katsuki x reader #bnha bakugou #bakugou headcanons #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugo x reader #mha katsuki #mha katsuki bakugo #mha katsuki bakugou #mha bakugo katsuki x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #my hero headcanons #my hero academia katsuki #my hero academia katsuki bakugo #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha katsuki #bnha katsuki bakugo #bnha katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha katsuki x reader #boku no hero academia #bakugohoex

[kuroopaisen]

tiny love || i

➵  as tooru’s younger sister, falling in love with iwaizumi hajime is easy. your feelings aren’t ignored, either.

warnings: f!reader

wc: 3.8k

m.list ↠ ch. 2

“Can’t you let me win once?” Tooru whined, turning to Iwaizumi with his best puppy dog eyes.

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Iwa-chan—”

“Call me that again and we bring this fight into the real world.”

“You’re so mean.”

“You should’ve thought of that before challenging me to a one-v-one.”

“You know, most people have fun while playing games.”

“There’s no space for fun here,” Iwaizumi grunted. “Only winning.”

“This isn’t the court!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

You watched the two of them battle it out on Smash. You knew well enough that challenging Iwaizumi to a battle on there was a death wish. But Tooru had an insatiable need to win all the time – even if he liked to act otherwise.

You knew that hunger would take him far. And you weren’t the only one. Everyone always knew that Tooru was going to leave an impact, no matter what he chose to do.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi called out to you, giving you a small smile. “Would you like to have a go?”

“Not against you,” you laughed, shaking your head. “I’m not mad.”

“Fight Oikawa then,” Iwaizumi smirked, nodding at him. “You’ll crush him easily.”

“Hey!” Tooru whined, waving his arms dramatically. Sometimes, you thought that Tooru should’ve pursued a career in the dramatic arts alongside volleyball. There was certainly some wasted potential there.

“You might do better if you didn’t scream every time I punched you,” Iwiazumi smirked. You could feel the fondness in his voice, even if it was buried under a layer or two of mock contempt.

“I can’t help it!” Tooru wailed. “It always takes me by surprise!”

“Alright,” you grinned, getting to your feet.

“I’ll lend you a hand,” Iwaizumi said, patting the space between him and Tooru on the couch.

“That’s not fair!” Tooru whined, pouting at the two of you. “There’s no way I’ll win if you work together.”

“Oh, definitely not.” Iwaizumi flashed him a wicked grin.

Tooru turned to you with pleading eyes. “Please don’t. I can’t handle this.”

Your brother knew exactly how to pull on your heartstrings – even though he was the older one.

“He’s bullshitting,” Iwaizumi cut in, quelling your guilt before it even had time to build.

“I’m not,” Tooru huffed. “I’m terrified.”

“That’s no excuse,” Iwaizumi shook his head, flicking through the menu.

Tooru watched him, hawk-like. “What are you doing?”

“I’m giving her Meta Knight.”

“That’s not fair!”

You grinned, patting your brother on the back. “I am new to this game. I’m going to need all the help I can get.”

Tooru glared at you for a long moment. It almost felt like you were having a proper fight.

“Don’t let him get to you,” Iwaizumi chuckled, handing the controller back to you. “He’s just a sore loser.”

You couldn’t have thought of a better way to describe your brother.

But you were just glad to make an attempt to reach across the gulf between you, that impassable abyss you felt you had no hopes of leaping across. For once, it felt like you belonged in your brother’s life. 

✧ ✧ ✧

“Shit,” you grumbled, patting your pockets.

“Don’t let Oikawa hear you speaking like that,” Hajime chuckled, looking at you from the corner of his eye.

The two of you were standing in line at the local boba shop, a frequent after-school haunt for the two of you. It’s usually a little busy, swallowed up by the after-school rush of students who either didn’t do their extracurriculars at school or simply didn’t care.

“What my brother doesn’t know can’t hurt him,” you mumbled half-heartedly, looking up at Hajime with your best puppy eyes. “I forgot my wallet.”

“Again?” He grinned. “I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose.”

“It’s not my fault Tooru won’t lend me any cash,” you shrugged. 

Not that long ago, your brother was responsible for financing your after-school snacks. 

But since entering high school, Tooru had discovered girls. And girls had discovered Tooru.

You hadn’t expected your brother to be so highly-sought after – seeing as he was such a brat – but you weren’t about to complain about it. If he wasn’t volunteering, he usually had a date on Tuesday afternoon, which left Hajime free to walk you home.

And he never failed to do so. Every single Tuesday, Hajime would wait for you at the school gates, ready to do his duty and escort you safely back to the Oikawa household.

Of course, these trips were rarely ever linear.

You suspected Iwaizumi abhorred studying. Sitting in one spot and reading page after page of academic jargon didn’t suit him. He never complained – and he reminded you time and time again that it’s important to stay on top of your studies – but he wasn’t above finding excuses to avoid it. 

The two of you always found ways to waste time, doing absolutely anything but studying or heading home.

His favourite of these little escapades seemed to be sitting and watching the mountains. There was always something wistful in his gaze, a sense of serenity that you’d never experienced yourself. He was only one year older than you, but he always seemed a little older than everyone around him – even if he loved monster movies. 

Regardless, you never cared much about what the two of you did. You were just willing to do whatever made him smile.

“Did you get a haircut?” He asked, shocking you out of your thoughts. He was walking over to the waiting area. You scurried after him, cheeks slightly flushed.

“No,” you shook your head. “Why?”

Hajime peered at you for a second, his brow furrowed. “It looks nice.”

You scoffed. “What, are you saying it doesn’t look nice normally?”

“No,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “It just looks… different.” He paused, eyes flicking away from you. “But your normal hair looks nice too.”

You stood there like a marble statue, praying to every conceivable deity that your face wasn’t glowing.

He always said things like that. Things that felt like they were meant to be compliments, but so laden with awkwardness that you could never tell.

And he always got so flustered. Not that you were any better. No, in some ways, you were worse.

You just couldn’t stop yourself from hoping. You loved moments like these, stolen away with Hajime in a small pocket of your week. You weren’t even sure if Tooru knew about them; were they perhaps a secret you shared?

Of course, Tooru knew that Hajime walked you home, but not what time you got home.

You always wondered if he tried to make these little trips last longer. You certainly did.

But if he ever noticed you ambling, he never reprimanded you for it. He always slowed down to accommodate you, his arm occasionally brushing against yours. It was always enough to make your heart beat just a bit faster.

Today was no different.

“You know,” Hajime said, taking a sip of his boba. “Oikawa’s still upset that you didn’t pick up volleyball.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Hajime smiled. “Something about how he can’t believe how his ‘precious little sister’ should’ve followed in his footsteps.”

“He just wants to brag,” you huffed, sipping up a pearl with vengeance. Hajime chuckled and your heart fluttered. You couldn’t help but be proud whenever you were the reason he laughed. 

“Is that why you don’t want to play?” He asked.  

You frowned. “Sort of?”

“You don’t sound certain.” 

“I don’t know…” You chewed on your lip, turning the question over in your mind. You knew that some people expected you to follow in your older brother’s footsteps. They assumed that his skill was due to overwhelming talent. For some, the natural assumption was that it must run in the family. 

You, of course, knew otherwise. If anything, the ignorance towards Tooru’s hard work was the most insulting thing about this particular assumption. 

 “I guess… I just…” You weren’t quite sure what you wanted to say. If you had any intention to ‘follow in your brother’s footsteps,’ it would be to emulate his passion and dedication. That’s what you wanted — not to be an incredible volleyball player in your own right.

“I want to find something I excel at, you know?” You admitted. “If I even try and get into volleyball, I feel like I’ll always just be Tooru’s younger sister. Like… it’d be hard to feel like I was getting opportunities on my own merits.”

That much was true. Just as much as you abhorred how people ignored Tooru’s hard work, you feared the thought that if you did follow him into volleyball, your own efforts would be ignored. Or, worse yet, played down. 

Besides, it would be hard not to get overshadowed by Tooru. Not when he shone so brightly. 

“If volleyball is what you want to do, you shouldn’t let that hold you back,” Hajime sighed. 

You shook your head. “I don’t think I want to play volleyball though.”

Hajime paused for a moment, lips pursed around his straw. The two of you had never really spoken about the future, about what either of you wanted to do with your lives. Tooru didn’t even need to say that he wanted to pursue volleyball; that much was a given. 

“Do you know what you want to do?” He asked. 

You bit the inside of your cheek. “I don’t know.”

Part of you felt silly for that. It had been so easy for Tooru — once he’d found his passion, he’d dug his heels in. Never once had he wavered, not even when he was at his most insecure. He knew what he wanted to do. He had a hunger for it. 

You could only wonder what that felt like. 

“And that’s okay.” Hajime’s voice was soft. Softer than it usually was. It’s like he knew what you were thinking, even though you hadn’t given voice to those deeper insecurities. 

“I just… I don’t know. I know that nobody else knows what they’re doing either but, like…” You almost regret starting this thought, but you’ve never had this opportunity before. It would be foolish to let it pass by. “Tooru’s always known. It’s kind of difficult to not feel like I should know what I want to do.”

Even your parents seemed to pay you less mind. You’d never really felt like you were less loved; but Tooru burned so brightly it was inevitable that you were cast in shadow. You’d worked tirelessly to root out any bitterness, but… 

“You’re allowed to be unsure,” Hajime said, interrupting your train of thought. “I know that’s redundant, but it’s true. You’ve got time.”

It was cliché. But there’s something about the way he said it that made you feel like you were floating. Maybe because it almost sounded like “It’ll be okay. I’ve got you.” 

A hand was suddenly ruffling your hair. You flinched, looking up at the boy standing next to you. 

He was smiling gently, a warmth in his eyes that made your heart beat a little faster. 

“You’ll find your strengths. I know you will.”

You held your breath for a moment, heat blossoming across your cheeks. Perhaps this boy would be the death of you. 

“Thanks, Hajime.” 

✧ ✧ ✧

There was never any damn food in your house. It was the curse that’d plagued you since you were young – many a late night expedition to your fridge turned up fruitless.

Tonight was no different.

It was past midnight, but you couldn’t sleep. No matter how hard you tried, you’d just laid there, staring at your ceiling while the hours crawled on.

So you’d scampered down stairs, phone in hand and hunger brewing in your stomach.

You squinted into the grim white light of your fridge, that familiar disappointment settling over you.

You hated nights like this. You couldn’t just lie in your bed for hours on end, thinking of nothing and everything. But you couldn’t even eat to escape your boredom.

You let the fridge door swing close with a muted thud, sighing heavily.

You turned around with a deep frown.

A figure stood in the corner of your kitchen.

A hand flew to your hand to contain your surprised yelp. ‘I have early morning training, you know,’ Tooru would say whenever you accidentally woke him up late at night – though you contended that he was just a very light sleeper, and it wasn’t your fault that the sound of the toilet flushing was enough to rouse him from his slumber.

But it wasn’t Tooru who was standing in the kitchen with you.

“Hajime,” you gasped, placing a solid hand on your chest. “Shit, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

He chuckled quietly, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“You should be,” you mumbled, gripping your phone.

You felt stupid, but standing alone in your kitchen with Hajime was enough to make your heart race.

You glanced down at your phone quickly for a distraction. By what might be divine providence, Amaya’s name lit up the screen. You weren’t quite sure why she was rambling about the stars at 12:41 AM, but you weren’t going to judge her for it.

“What’s so interesting?” Hajime teased, his head suddenly hovering over your shoulder and much too close to your face.

You flinched, almost dropping your phone. “I—Uh—Amaya,” you managed to splutter out, quite grateful for just how dark your kitchen was.

“She’s the tall one, right?” Hajime asked, making no effort to move out of your space. You could usually deal with the fact that he was often around at your place late in the evenings – and honestly, trying to ensure that you were more presentable than usual was more exhausting than you’d given it credit for – but you weren’t used to him being this close.

Most of the time, you just stayed in your room while Tooru and Hajime spent time together. Wonderful as he was, Hajime was stressful to be around. It was hard enough keeping your feelings a secret from him. You didn’t want to think about what Tooru’s obnoxiously observant eyes would be able to notice.

“You alright?” He frowned, moving to stand directly in front of you.

You realised what was happening a moment too late, mortification digging its heels into your stomach. “Oh, uh… yeah. Yeah.”

Hajime flicked your forehead gently, chuckling.

You pouted at him, completely unsure of where to take the conversation. Usually, you could hold yourself together enough without embarrassing yourself too much. But at 12:45 at night? Impossible. Humiliation was inevitable. 

“What’re you doing up?” He asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“What are you doing up?” You shot back, somewhere between defensive and playful.

He grinned. God, he was aggravatingly handsome, even for a teenage boy.

“I can’t sleep,” he shrugged. “I thought I’d just watch a film or something until I got tired.”

“And then you decided to give me the fright of my life instead.”

“You could’ve been a burglar.”

“And if I was?”

“I would’ve thought of something.”

You took a moment to scan him up and down. “I feel safer already.” That was only half a joke. You were well-aware of just how buff he was. 

He chuckled, standing up to full height. “Anyway, I’m going to go and set up the TV. Feel free to join me.” He started walking off, pausing to look over his shoulder at you. “It’ll be more fun if you’re there.” 

Your heart stuttered in your chest. 

Well, how were you supposed to say no to something like that? 

✧ ✧ ✧

For someone who’d been so adamant that they couldn’t fall asleep, you were pretty quick to doze off once bundled up on the couch in the entertainment room.

Hajime had set up the original Godzilla quite efficiently, despite his technological ineptitude. He may have been bad with machines, but there was little that could separate him from his beloved monster movies. 

You’d settled yourself down on the couch, waiting patiently for Hajime to join you. You were already overthinking it. How close would you be to him? Would he be comfortable with you resting your head on his shoulder? Would it be weird for the two of you to share a blanket? 

He switched the light off and you flinched. 

“Here,” Hajime said, handing you one of the blankets as he sat himself down on the couch. He was just a hair’s breadth away from you, your shoulders barely touching. 

You always seemed to be one step away from overt affection; bodies pressed together close enough to be suspicious, furtive glances when you thought the other wasn’t looking, ‘secret’ afternoons spent revelling in each other’s company. 

God, this was so frustrating. And so adolescent. But even if you wanted to, you couldn’t work up the courage to actually say something. 

The fear of rejection was too strong. 

“You ready?” He asked, turning to look at you. 

“Hm?” 

“To start the movie.” 

“Oh.” Your brain was far too addled for this. “Yeah.” 

Hajime nodded, pressing the play button. The screen went black for just a moment before fuzzy black and white images flickered into motion. 

You tried your best to pay attention to the movie. You really, truly did. 

But you were finally getting tired. You were vaguely aware of the fact a couple ships were destroyed, and a big dinosaur-shaped monster, and something about the government. But you couldn’t keep up – not when Hajime was so close to you. 

Perhaps you should’ve gone to bed. But you didn’t want to stop spending time with him. 

But even that wasn’t enough to help you keep your eyes open. Against your sheer determination, your eyes kept fluttering closed. You were sure he’d tell you off for not just going to bed, but you still weren’t ready to leave just yet. 

But he was so warm pressed against you, the dim light of the room so soothing, the din of an old movie a quiet lull… 

“Hey.” 

A gentle voice came from above you. 

You opened your bleary eyes, only to immediately squint. Wait, what was going on? Where were you? 

“Wake up.” 

Oh, that was Hajime’s voice. Why was… That’s right. You were watching a movie with him. 

And now, you were....

Oh, shit. You were leaning on his shoulder. If you were a little more lucid, then maybe you would’ve repositioned yourself. 

But you were tired, and he was comfortable. And, he hadn’t pushed you off yet. 

“What time is it?” You mumbled, stifling a yawn. 

“It’s two.” 

“Oh.” You blushed. “Whoops.” 

Hajime chuckled. “I thought you said you couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah,” you groaned. “But then I got sleepy.” 

“Then you should’ve gone to bed,” he chided. But there was a playful tone to his voice. 

You huffed, shifting yourself off his shoulder to get a better look at his face.

Even in the monochrome half-light of the TV, he was still obnoxiously handsome. Maybe not in the most classic of ways – there was something rougher about him, something unpolished, unrefined. But you’d always liked the honesty in his face; you felt it matched his personality perfectly. Some of your friends thought he looked kind of intimidating, but you’d always disagreed. To you, he looked kind. Maybe not in the most traditional sense, but in a way that was truly his. 

Oh man, you were drowsy. If you were more lucid, you’d have known better than to just sit and stare at his face. 

But he was staring right back, a certain tenderness in his eyes. You’d seen it before, on your walks home and in the quiet moments you shared. But he’s never been this open about it before. If you caught him, he usually looked away, cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. 

But tonight, he seemed to be fearless. 

You wondered – no, you hoped – that maybe, just maybe, your suspicions were correct. That he did indeed feel the same as you. 

A hand came up to cup your cheek. You leant into it instinctively, letting the weight of your head rest against his palm. 

Hajime smiled, stroking a gentle thumb over your cheek. His hands were a little rough, just as you’d expected, but they’re so gentle. 

You were about to go into cardiac arrest. You could feel it in every inch of your body. There’s no way he couldn’t hear your heartbeat – not when it was thrumming so loudly in your ears. 

“You’re so cute.” 

It took you a moment to process what he’d just said. 

Wait, he called you cute? While looking at you like that? There was no way you were making it out of this room alive– 

He leant in, pressing his lips against yours softly. You froze, every nerve in your body now on high alert. 

Iwaizumi Hajime? Kissing you? No way. No. Better yet, your first kiss? You had to be dreaming. There was no way this was happening. 

And yet the burning of your cheeks, the swelling of your heart, the feeling of his lips pressed against yours all said otherwise. This was happening. 

It was a little clumsy, a little stiff. But you didn’t care. What mattered was that it was happening. That your heart was hammering in your chest at an inhuman speed. That finally, finally, you could express this affection you had for him. 

You wanted to move, to touch him, to hold him close. But you were too dumbstruck to move, content to just stay like this for as long as he’d let you. 

He pulled away after a long moment, eyes half-lidded as he gazed at you. He was smiling widely – a rare, full-bodied smile. 

Oh. He was smiling like that because of you. Against all odds, your heart found a way to beat even faster. 

“We should go to bed,” he said, voice a few shades deeper than usual. 

The red of your cheeks deepened.

“Different beds,” he added quickly, clearing his throat. You’d thought that much was obvious, but you weren’t about to tell him that. God, you hate being seventeen. 

Somehow, you managed to get yourself out of that little room and up the stairs. He was right behind you, close enough to keep your mind muddled and your heart thrumming. There was no way you were going to be able to sleep. You’d be thinking about this all night. 

You said nothing to each other as you bid farewell, simply giving each other a small nod. You weren’t sure if it’s because he wanted to be polite, or if he was left just as speechless as you were. 

But as he walked away, he turned to give you one last smile for the night, letting it say everything he couldn’t. 

You took a deep breath as he walked away, the ghost of his kiss on your lips and your head whirling. 

You were excited for what the morning would bring.

a/n: !!!!! big thank you to ren, as always, for beta’ing this :( we’re in for a ride, fellas 

#iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi hajime x you #iwaizumi hajime imagines #tiny love #oh man let's go lads

[43sparrows]

n e e d e d - {Five x Reader} AU!

Read Part 1

WARNINGS: more pining, more angst, more mediocre smut

Word Count: 1,933

Note: ugh sorry it took forever to get this out. I had to rework my idea on it. I hope you like this next installment.

- - [ 5 ] - -

Need you.

The note taped to your mirror is written in an all too familiar scrawling handwriting. The paper is also familiar. It's clearly been torn from the open day planner on your vanity.

Despite the fact that you're home two hours past when you wanted to be-- Despite the fact that it's late and you haven't even eaten-- Despite the fact that your roommate is in the next room with a group of your friends watching the Bachelorette-- you tug the note down and walk to the hallway phone. Dialing in the number is mechanic--your finger acting on muscle memory alone as you stare at the paper in your hand. The top is a jagged white line that cuts through your boxes of to dos and appointments and events. It's a good thing you didn't have anything else planned for today.

He picks up on the third ring. "Five."

"Hey, I got your note," you say, keeping your voice down. From the living room, you hear one of your friends exclaim Girl, no! Don't listen to his bullshit!

"And?"

You shake your head as if he can see it. "Nasreen has friends over, so here's no good."

"Come over."

You know this doesn't count as an invite. He says it out of necessity. He wants you. And Five gets what he wants. Still, your heart flutters a bit in your chest at the faintest tinge of hope that maybe when he says he needs you, he means it in more than just the usual way.

"Ok," you nod, again forgetting the basic concept of a phone call. "Give me like 15 min--"

There's a dial tone before you can even finish the sentence, let alone say goodbye. You sigh, hanging the phone back in its place on the wall as screams of outrage from the living room echo throughout the apartment. You're not looking forward to telling your roommate you can't stay for girl's night. Not in front of all the other girls. But he needs you. And after the day you've had, you kind of need him too.

You head back towards your bedroom to change, nudging the door to your room open with your elbow. You almost jump out of your skin when your eyes land on Five standing in the middle of the room.

"Couldn't wait," he says, crossing the room in two long strides before grabbing a hold of you.

In one second it feels like your body is shrinking in on itself and in the next you're stretching too far and too fast, but when the feeling settles, you're in Five's entryway and he's pressing you up against his door, pushing your shirt up over your head. The moment the fabric is free from your body his lips return to your neck, biting, tugging, sucking at the skin there as you throw your head back against the door, a thunking sound covering your whimpers.

Five deftly unbuckles your pants, shoving them along with your underwear down your legs. He's unwilling to stop his current assault of your collarbone, though, leaving you to ungracefully and hurriedly step yourself out of the pants. You might have fallen if it weren't for his vice like grip at your waist, pinning you to the door.

Your own hands find their way into Five's hair. He's due for a haircut, his sweeping bangs falling into his eyes and tickling your skin as he drops his lips to the skin left exposed by your bra. You push it back for him, but when he nips at the soft skin of your breasts, your fingers wind themselves into his locks pulling sharply so that he lets out a hiss. It's not much of a sound, but you'll take it as a victory.

It was an easy win though. You know that when he's like this, he just needs to feel something. He needs sharp reminders to keep him here in this moment instead of letting his mind wander off to wherever it was before the two of you wound yourselves around each other.

You tug at his hair again and his hips jerk forward into yours, eliciting a gasp from you. Or maybe it's not the small taste of friction. Maybe it's the fact that at almost the same moment, he unclasps your bra, and his mouth drops to cover your nipple.

It's not until his fingers pinch and roll at the other nipple that you realize, vaguely, that he's wearing too much clothes. It takes little prompting to get him to take off his shirt, and as he's busying himself with pulling it over his head, your hands drop to his belt and your whole body drops to its knees. Your hardly able to enjoy yourself there, though, since the second his pants and underwear pool at his feet, he's pulling you to yours and pushing you hard against the door. His hands come under your thighs, and you jump up, wrapping your legs around him, arms crossed behind his neck, your body nearly vibrating in anticipation of what comes next. It takes a second for him to roll on the condom he must have grabbed before his pants came off, the silver packaging falling to the floor as he coaxes the rubber down his shaft. The anticipation and heat of your bodies pressed together as your heart racing, and then in one swift move, he's entered you, his fast pace pounding out a rhythmic knocking sound against the door. You bury your face into his neck to muffle your cries, allowing your arms to unwind and fingernails rake up his back. His thrusting stutters and then returns as you bite into his shoulder.

There's no warning when he turns you, walking you backwards, his hands kneading at your ass on his way to somewhere else in your apartment.You ache for the feeling of him inside of you again, and trail your fingernails along his back again, as if this was enough to silently coax him to do what you wanted.

Five has never let you take control, though. Instead, he drops you to your feet, and before you can feel properly confused, a chair is clattering to the floor and he has you spun around and bent over his table. His pace is even more relentless as he takes you from behind, one hand pressing your cheek harder into the table as each thrust slams your thighs into the table. You feel the familiar pressure building inside of you, and you snake a hand down to rub at your clit. Five's thrusts grow even harder, and your eyes are squeezed shut, and you're biting at your lip so hard you can taste copper, and then there are stars.

But he's not done. Not even close.

You've come twice by the time he finally does, one hand wrapped around your throat, the other holding your hip with a bruising grip. His eyes shut, and he looks beautiful like that. But it's nothing like the short seconds that follow, as he relaxes and looks...almost peaceful. You don't always get a glimpse of this Five, but when you do, it's enough to make you believe in God.

Five pulls out, walking away to dispose of the condom and you take a second to lay there, legs dangling off the table, trying to catch your breath.

You hear Five walk back into the room and push yourself up into a sitting position. His back is towards you as he walks towards the door and your pile of clothes, letting you admire the angry red streaks you've left there. It's a twisted sort of delight to know that even though you'll be back home soon, all traces of you and this moment won't be gone.

"You want coffee?" Five asks, and your eyes shoot up to his mussed hair. He stoops to pick up the pile of clothes, gathering it in his arms and crossing back to the table so he can dump it into a pile next to you. You extract your underwear from where it's stuck in your pants, sliding it up your legs as much as you can without getting up.

"Yeah," you nod, as if this was nothing. Which it was. It was nothing. He'd asked you to stay for coffee twice before. It was another one of his codes.

He nods, pulling his pants up over his hips, underwear and all. Rather than messing with the belt, he lets it clink together as he heads into the kitchen, quickly washing his hands before pulling down some coffee. You allow yourself to slip from the table's ledge so you can continue getting dressed. Your muscles are already starting to feel sore, and as you zip your tight suit pants closed, you can feel how tender the skin around your hips already is. You'll probably have a host of bruises tomorrow morning. Traces of Five would remain too.

By the time you've gone to the bathroom, sanitized the table, and finished a quick Lysol wipe-down of the door, the french press is ready. Five brings it over to the table along with two mugs. He gives you a vintage Umbrella Academy mug with the logo on one side and a large "5" on the other. He keeps the plain white diner-style mug for himself.

Five pours his cup first before passing it over to you. You fill your mug in silence and then keep it cupped between your hands, bringing it to your lips to take a taste.

You learned early on that Five was good at everything he did. And that included making the best damn coffee.

"How bad was it?" you ask, keeping your mug between your hands and elbows propped up on the table.

He doesn't answer right away, but you've learned that this doesn't mean he won't answer at all. Instead he looks over your shoulder, gazing off into the distance and letting the silence drape itself around the two of you.

"Bad," he says finally, bringing his gaze to his coffee and then taking a long sip. He doesn't look up at you, instead staring at the dark pool of liquid. "Lost a kid."

His words are matter of fact, and cause a dull, achy kind of pain in your heart. One part for the injustice of losing a child to an act of evil, another for the heartbreak of the child's parents, and the largest for the misery, anger, frustration, and guilt swimming in this man in front of you.

Any words of your own are meaningless. He doesn't need you to tell him that it probably wasn't his fault, or that you were sorry, or that this situation sucked. You want to reach out and hold his hand, but the action's too intimate. Too gentle.

So instead, you sit across from him and nod, placing your mug down on the table so you can stare into yours as well. And finally, after you feel like a respectful amount of silence has passed, you murmur one word:

"Fuck."

Five exhales a humorless laugh. "Yeah," he agrees, his eyes looking up to meet yours. "Exactly."

The conversation never moving on from there. Instead, you each sit in the quiet, sipping at your coffee together and yet miles apart. Five finishes first and patiently waits for you to drain your mug of its last drop before you get up, leaving the coffee cups and french press on the table, and head into his bedroom. Five follows closely behind.

Read Part 3

#five hargreeves #number five #number 5 #number five smut #number 5 smut #five hargreeves smut #five hargreeves x reader #five x reader #number 5 x reader #number five x reader

[seancekitsch]

13 from prompt game with Cahir

“it’s been so long since we did this.”

Playing your fingers through their hair while sitting next to them on the couch.

i wasn’t sure which prompt game so u get both!!

Cahir sighs as you relax against him on the loveseat, your arms coming to wrap around him as you rest your head on his shoulder. A rare moment of relaxation and peace, one that he’s going to take full advantage of; arms coming to snake around your waist as you get more comfortable. He squeezes you as you kick your legs out to rest in his lap, stretching out muscles that are probably sore as you snuggle up closer to him. The silence is beautiful, the way neither of you needs to talk to fully communicate your needs at the moment. Just touch was enough for you. Cahir rests his head on top of yours, pressing a kiss into your hair before settling with his cheek against you.

“It’s been so long since we did this,” he whispers, so quietly you could have imagined it. Your hand comes up to rest against the back of his head, fingers burying themselves in his long soft hair. He’s due for a haircut, but stubbornness or not wanting to bother you have stopped him from asking you to help give him one. Nothing he could ask of you would bother you, you muse, as you start to run your fingers through his hair, your nails lightly running across his scalp. You do not miss the way he shivers at your nails along his skin. Little moans leave his lips, quiet like most of him, appreciative of your attentions paid to him. You can barely hear him over the crackle of the fire in the room before you, the warmth spreading through you not entirely it’s doing.

“It has, hasn’t it?” you ask, and he nods against you, his hands gently rubbing against your back, soothing and relaxing. You hope he doesn’t miss the way it makes you shiver.

“You know what else it’s been a long time since we’ve done?” He lifts his head, and you lift yours in turn to meet his eyes.

“What?” He watches as you look away from him, and then meet his eyes again coyly. You’ve always had him wrapped around your finger. He’s always been excited by anything you could do.

“Oh! Would you like me to take you to bed?” He asks, a roguish smile spreading across his face, eager to please.

“You can take me right here, Cahir.”

His lips capture yours with ferocity.

#my work #cahir x reader #cahir imagine

[babaleshy]

I'm Autistic

Because this will likely be a lengthy, wordy post about my self-diagnosis as Autistic as well as all of my experiences regarding Autistic traits, I'm going to leave a "read more" link so that you're not scrolling for ages just to catch up on your feed.

Ah, I see you've clicked "keep reading" or "read more" or whatever this site has it labeled as, now. You don't get to be mad at how long this is or how much of a waste of time reading this may be to you because you consciously clicked on the link. Therefore, I am exempt from taking responsibilities of eating up any bit of your time, including the time you've wasted reading this disclaimer.

So... Yes. I am. And it's a self-diagnosis right now.

You're probably thinking that I saw a Tik Tok clip, checked out a page on WebMD, and decided that I'm Autistic (this is in reference to a Tik Tok I saw last night that nearly made me spit out my drink because of how painfully accurate the "what people think self-diagnosis is vs reality" clip was). That is, of course, not the case.

A few years ago (likely 2018), I don't recall what it was I read online, but it made me go, "Oh wow, that makes so much sense to me," in regards to a neurodivergent trait. However, this was then I thought I had ADHD. My husband has ADHD, was diagnosed with it as a child, and because his dad forced the doctor (this was like, in the late 90s, early 2000s I think) to put him on Adderall and Ritalin, my husband does not remember 3 years of his life because he was a drooling, zombified mess. Why did his dad do this? Because his grades were bad. Did this help with his grades? No. Did his dad take him off the meds because he didn't get the desired result? Also no. My husband wasn't even informed on what ADHD was. He was simply told he had it and to take these pills. It wasn't until he (my husband) read the label saying that it could increase the risk of heart issues that he cussed his dad out and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Up until very recently, he wasn't sure if he actually had ADHD until he saw a YouTuber who was actually diagnosed with it display the exact traits he had.

But he didn't see this YouTuber when I thought I had ADHD, so my husband couldn't exactly relate, plus I didn't want to trigger anything with him on the subject.

But the more I researched, the more I realized I could be on the spectrum. It wasn't until 2019 that I was printing out articles, trait lists, etc. to highlight and put into a folder (which is thick and nearly bursting with what I've printed out to have a hardcopy of records highlighting the traits that I have, including traits my husband and my mom see in me) that I realized "I could have Asperger's."

Of course, I no longer use that term after finding out it was named after a n*zi, and I began to embrace the term "Autistic" instead.

But the thing that triggered me into going, "Wait, so it's not ADHD that I think I have, it's Asperger's?" was, like my husband, seeing a YouTuber talk about their traits and experiences. I had identical struggles, myself. (Through this same YouTuber, I also found out I'm greysexual, too! There's a name to describe my experience with sexual attraction! Yay!)

There are a lot of VERY SPECIFIC TRAITS Autistic people experience that aren't mentioned by the YouTuber or in anything that I've printed out and highlighted that I have found through various Tik Toks that I have personally experienced that simply further solidifies the fact that I'm definitely on the spectrum. When I showed the Tik Tok I mentioned earlier (I don't remember their name) to my husband last night, he was wide-eyed because the description of how that individual self-diagnosed themselves WAS EXACTLY WHAT I DID WORD FOR WORD HOLY SHIT.

I was already convinced I am Autistic, but each time I read Twitter threads of people's experiences with their Autistic traits, each time I watch Tik Toks or certain YouTubers share their experiences, it further solidifies that yep, I'm Autistic.

What's amazing is that my husband is very supportive. I'm extremely lucky to have married him. I've been a terrible masker but he loves me anyways. He never gave me shit for my meltdowns and tried to help me out, thinking I was just horribly overly stressed. Now that he knows why I've had the few outwardly noticeable meltdowns that I've had throughout our years together, he knows how to help me more, now. And while he's figured out my traits and what issues I have, knowing that I'm on the spectrum helps him make sense of why I'm like this, and he can help me accordingly whether it's to prepare for something in advance, help me calm down, etc.

(I should also add here real quick that there's a high chance I have OCD as well, but less of the compulsive actions and more of the obsessive thoughts, but I'm not entirely sure just yet if this is the case. I'm actually hoping to see someone about this but with the pandemic, I don't know when that will be.)

Now... onto the traits and experiences.

My Traits (that stand out with neon lights)(Will copy word-for-word a trait my mom or husband see in me and it will be typed in a different color.)

Having a folder that has all of my research I've obsessively looked up, printed out, highlighted what I saw in myself with one color (yellow) while highlighting what my mom and my husband see with another color (pink). I'm also using this folder to make this list as a reference because I sometimes forget certain traits I do have are because I'm Autistic. (I'm 32 as I write this, so when so much of what you think, do, and experience that you see is normal for you turns out to be an Autistic trait, it takes a while to get used to it and thus remember that because you haven't had a label for it your whole life.)

Despite being goth/punk, I dress as comfortably as I can. Textures aren't a very big issue for me, but what feels like strangulation of my body tends to be a problem. I cannot handle having the cross seams of pants feeling like I have a chopstick slowly impaling my vulva, or I can't stand how tight some shorts are that they pinch my hip joints.

I've NEVER spent much time grooming my own hair. It's either tiring, I"m impatient and want it done NOW, or both. This is why I have a Tank Girl haircut (all buzzed except for bangs), where I can basically "wash and go." (Husband does my haircuts and dyes and he's kickass at it.)

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than male counterparts.

"May not have strong sense of identity and can be very chameleon like before diagnosis." (This resonates with me in the form that I never saw myself in ANY fictional character other than Tank Girl. My husband agrees with this opinion, but he also says he also sees a lot of me in Caulifla from Dragonball Super.)

I enjoy reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's (sometimes), can have favorites which are a refuge.

Uses control as a stress management (like routines, rules, rigid certain habits, etc.)

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

I've been seen as "sensitive" by some, and mocked for crying a lot by others.

I struggled with social aspects of college and have 2 partial degrees.

Often have trouble holding a job and finds employment very daunting.

Slow at comprehending at times due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

DOES NOT DO WELL WITH VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS; MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN

Special interests (I'll get into these later).

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions (some of which might be due to possible OCD).

I do have some sensory issues such as visual processing issues at times, certain sounds, certain smells, food I think, and issues with sunlight and my goddamn retinas.

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. Both of my parents as well as my husband have described my personality as reminding them of a cat.

Mild to severe gastro-intestinal difficulties (some of which could be due to endometriosis, btw).

I stim a little such as leg-bouncing, foot-waggling, some hand-flapping, some bouncing, the "spine-shimmy," joint-cracking, or playing with my ears.

Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice and hates being misunderstood, which incites anger and rage.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown, likely to stutter and may have a raspy voice.

Words and actions often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passionate/obsessive interests.

Will shutdown in social situations once overloaded but generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a "performance."

Doesn't go out much; will prefer to go out with partner only (aka my husband).

Will not do "girly" things like shopping.

Takes relationships seriously.

There's a bit on this chart (some of you probably already know by know what chart I'm using here) that says due to sensory issues, one would either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it. I'm in the former camp complete with a pretty high libido.

Often prefers the company of animals.

So there are the traits that REALLY stick out like a sore thumb. These come from a site regarding female Asperger traits or however it's labeled as. I have plenty more from two other articles I printed out with lots of highlighting, but the chart actually sums a lot of the definitive shit quite nicely. At some point in this list, I could tell I went "fuck it" and copied many things word for word anyways since I'll be talking about experiences later in this post.

But it was this chart that I'd discovered that I started to realize that I really am on the spectrum, and to triple check, I asked my mom and my husband if they saw any of this in me. The traits typed in green are ones I wasn't sure of and had to ask them if they saw it. I'm not always aware of how I am, who I am at times, etc. I also didn't want to lie about it, so I had to get second and third opinions.

Despite all of this, only very few people that know me IRL know about me being Autistic. This is because I was heavily bullied growing up and since I haven't exactly left my hometown, I really don't want whoever stayed in the area as well to either have more fuel and re-enter my life that way, or try really hard to relieve their guilty conscience and demand that I forgive them or some shit. I also don't want "Autism Mommies" to come at my ass either asking that I help their kid (I'm not fond of children so that's not happening, plus ableism is what fucks a lot of Autistic people over regarding of age but they won't take that for an answer) or that because they---a neurotypical person---have a child who's Autistic, then that means they know all about it and because I'm not exactly like their child then I can't possibly be Autistic. It's just a whole mountain of shit I don't wanna get into.

This next bit will be split into 2 parts. One will be my special interests, and the other will be my experiences from my past that are prime examples of being Autistic long before anyone in the common public knew what Autism actually was.

My Special Interests (Both Forever & Temporary)

The following list will have my special interests but with indicators in parentheses as to whether they are forever-interests (as in, I never lost interest in the thing) or temporary (meaning, it was short-lived be it by weeks, months, or a few years). This will be in chronological order, meaning: the order of which these have appeared throughout my life.

Barney (temporary; helped me skip preschool and become honor roll student in kindergarten though)

Halloween (forever)

the color orange (forever)

dinosaurs (forever)

Donkey Kong Country esp. for SNES (forever)

animals (forever)

Godzilla movies (forever)

monster movies (forever)

Pokemon (temporary; I still like Pokemon, but it's not as hyperfocused as it used to be)

Digimon (temporary; same situation as with Pokemon)

Dragonball Z (forever)

Sailor Moon (on-and-off)

Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei) (forever)

Freddy vs Jason movie (still like, but the hyperfocus was temporary)

horror movies (forever)

Transformers (temporary)

Dark Knight movie (temporary)

Harley Quinn (temporary)

Lobo (temporary)

X-Men (forever, but only certain universes, mainly the 90s cartoon, and the character is always Hank McCoy)

neon-colored stuff (temporary; kind of some sort of semi-rave/techno phase)

books (forever; this was when I discovered it's "legal" to enjoy books if you "aren't smart"; I may explain this logic I had later in the post)

sex/sexuality/sexology (forever on the first two, temporary on the last one)

BDSM (on-and-off)

feminism (temporary in regards to doing research and educating myself; I still hold the views I've developed as a result, just not obsessively researching this topic anymore)

anarchism (forever)

ecology (forever)

Pleistocene epoch (forever)

goth and punk stuff (forever after discovering what these things are all about for real compared to when I was in high school and had no idea how to ask, who to ask, or where to look this stuff up at in rural Ohio)

Hellblazer (temporary)

Serbian heritage (on-and-off)

bats (temporary)

arachnids (forever)

teratophilia (forever; finally have a word to describe this damn kink)

gardening (current; unsure)

Russian language (current; unsure)

DIY things (forever)

Towards the end, it may not be in the proper order thanks to slowly losing my damn mind being cooped up mostly in my room on this farm since moving back here in 2014. The two that are "current;unsure" are ones I have a hyperfocus in right now, but I don't know if this will be temporary or not. I certainly hope not, especially considering how useful these things will be. And while I have gardening as one of them, I haven't properly begun yet because I get empty promises from my parents where they claim they'd help me, not to worry about it, then get irritated when I ask where the help is and they suddenly can't give me the help when I told them I needed it.

I should also note that I don't exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge in a whole lot of these interests that are forever-interests because I'm normally exhausted just trying to exist with minimal trouble from people. I'm hoping this will change. The things I know I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge in would be Dragonball Z, animals/ecology, and... a-and that's it. That's really it. That's all I've got because Dragonball Z was so profoundly different compared to other cartoons I've watched in the 90s that it was a wonderful escape, and I grew up around animals, taking care of animals, and watching nature documentaries. The stress I went through growing up has caused my memory of some of that wonderful animal knowledge to be lost and what could be re-gained may be easily forgotten again, hence why I need to narrow my focus for what I'd like to be an ecologist for. While I love paleontology, I want to help the living world's ecosystems and environments, too. I'd love to go back to school for this stuff now that I'm more informed of who I am and what I want in life (as opposed to being forced to pick a college major while still in high school while I'm just trying to survive the concept of existence).

In terms of collecting things pertaining to my interests, a common pattern you'll see me have is a very slowly growing Hank McCoy collection. This is largely because there isn't too much stuff made regarding this character. (There also isn't much stuff I can find that involves Piccolo, Cyndaquil, Donkey Kong, giant ground sloths, etc. that isn't already snatched up by other fans.)

Now, I'm going to get into the list of experiences. Some of which will talk about my special interests, but I also really want to talk about my struggles, too.

Experiences That Screamed "I'm Autistic"

In gradeschool, I was friends with someone who probably wasn't actually a friend and her mom made her hang out with me since I didn't really have any friends. She has told me several times that she didn't want to be my friend anymore with some kind of hostile catty smile, but I just.. I wasn't getting it. Because there was a smile. Why say that with a smile? After all we've been through? Then she's back to being my friend the next week. She really wanted to hang out with the popular girls (yes, there were cliques in 90s American gradeschool) and has done countless things to sabotage our friendship such as telling me Barney is a fake, Donkey Kong was a real gorilla who hung himself, etc. And I believed all this shit, too, in an attempt to still be an acceptable friend. She even told me that I couldn't be a witch because I liked toads so much (toads were the only wildlife I excitedly interacted with in my back yard on a regular basis).

I love Halloween for many reasons, but one of them (aside from my favorite color being involved) was the fact that it was acceptable to wear a mask. I love (and still do) the idea of covering my face because I feel less "naked" to the world. So this pandemic had a small plus for me in the form of mask-wearing outside of Halloween has become somewhat more acceptable.

In 5th grade, another classmate who had more obvious Autistic traits and was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time was an asshole to me. They would constantly give me shit and bully me for whatever reason. When I finally took a stand, the teachers on duty at recess called me to the bottom of the hill, forcing me to look at them WITHOUT allowing me to have my hands up to block the sunlight that hurt my eyes, and were able to manipulate me into "admitting picking on so-and-so for no reason" because I chased them around the playground where a group of girls (the same cliquey assholes the former "friend" wanted to mingle with) had to group-carry me away. They're the ones who snitched and they gave me those same hostile smiles. That's when I learned that not all smiles meant good things. I was 10.

I sometimes "lose the ability" to ask for help long before the "help" I ever got in any circumstance was just me being met with frustration by whoever is trying to "help" me or I'm met with "sorry, can't help you there. (The former being with homework or school work, the latter being with going to authorities about bullies.)

Growing up, I was never girly (or girly enough) and I've tried to, but I failed miserably. My special interests would roar through and because it was too odd or different or annoying, it gave other girls fuel for bullying me with.

Regarding the lack of being girly enough, I was at a pool party with the former "friend" mentioned earlier and she started this "game" where she and the other girls would leap into the pool saying, "I love you, Leonardo!" This was in 4th grade and in reference to the Titanic movie, which at that point, I'd never heard of, because I was too pumped for the latest Land Before Time sequel. So when I leapt into the pool, I said, "I love you, Raphael." All the girls were confused, asked who that was. I then asked, "Aren't we playing Ninja Turtles?" Because the only Leonardo I knew of was a fucking Ninja Turtle, goddamnit. Who let you brats watch that shitty romance film anyways? Boring as fuck.

Aside from the occasional weekend visits or sleepovers at the former "friend's" house, I didn't get to socialize much, so I would spend most of my days (especially in the summer) watching what was on TV or watching from our very large VHS collection. During which I would make mental notes on how certain characters acted or what they said and try to remember that to mimic them in a social setting, which would be out of place because I'd be so focused on mainly the dialogue that once it prompts me to say the thing, they don't respond how I expect them to and then I'm at a loss.

I was very ignorant of music and didn't even know the concept of independent or underground bands existed. Plus, rural Ohio is a cultural wasteland. Otherwise, I would've gotten into metal, goth, and punk way earlier in life. So I thought that bands that existed were because television said so.

Speaking of an odd logic... If it was taboo or bad to talk about, I thought it was illegal. Thus, I thought any knowledge about sex was illegal and that it was supposed to happen "naturally."

I also thought that, because I wasn't considered as smart by my peers, some teachers, and even as such in the form of an insult from my parents from time to time (despite what they claim NOW), that also meant I wasn't allowed to enjoy books, because only smart people are allowed to enjoy reading. So therefore, it would be illegal for me, a not-smart person, to enjoy reading a book. So I had to focus on the pictures because if I enjoyed reading, somehow everyone would know and then I'd get into trouble.

I also thought it was illegal to talk about periods.

I socially struggled BADLY when I got to middle school because my brain was like... 4 years behind? How the fuck do people know all these bigger words? Or complex issues? This was also when I had to start suppressing ALL urges to cry because at that age, I'm not "supposed" to cry over everything. So I still, to this day, suppress it to the point of guaranteeing inducing a headache. Because I've always caught shit for crying.

Middle school was when I met an oppressive "friend" who was obsessed with me because she had a crush on me and was rather controlling of who I could and couldn't talk to and got pissy if I got close to making a new friend. Because I was desperate for a friend that wasn't like the former "friend," I allowed this abuse into my life.

High school was me just trying to survive. By the time I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to enjoy anything short of watching TV or whatever was rented from Blockbuster.

My brain was still feeling like it was years behind, and I struggled to keep up with whatever was supposed to be something I knew about, including the concept of masturbation.

Like I said earlier, anything sex-related might've been illegal to talk about, and because masturbation was still kinda taboo, I feared I'd get in trouble, but my teenage hormones compelled me to do it a LOT. It consumed my free time almost like an escape, a form of stimming, but I was shameful of it to the point of suicidal thoughts.

The former bullet was due to being raised in a christian household. My parents didn't have such views on sex like this, but I was afraid of being in trouble for asking, took to the internet, and caught some misinfo about how immoral it was. I mourned I'd be going to hell.

Speaking of religion, I thought it was illegal to change your religious beliefs, and there was only Judiasm, Muslim, and Buddhism outside of christianity (I'm Pagan, now).

While I was excited to get away from my parents presumably for good after high school, college was a new form of hell. The sudden, dramatic change in environment and lack of ANY preparation for living like an adult on my own caused me to mentally/socially/emotionally malfunction. I had outbursts I desperately tried to suppress, I felt stupid because everybody sounded smarter than me, I didn't actually want to go to art school but wasn't smart enough for anything else and never really bothered to better my artistic skills and thus felt like I shouldn't be there anyways, I struggled to fit in better, I had no idea how to function that certain habits such as neglect of my own dishes on my desk developed because I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE MY OWN MESSES DUE TO THE STRESS I WAS EXPERIENCING. This was 3 or 4 long YEARS of this.

Attending art classes mostly run by very demanding (and demeaning) teachers while my art skills weren't up to par added to this stress on top of me not actually wanting to be THERE in the first place, just away from my parents.

I nearly ruined a friendship with a roommate because of my struggles. I'm not even sure if she is aware of my Autism because I'm afraid to approach her about it for some reason.

Plenty of times throughout my life where I'm loud and don't even realize it.

I've info-dumped on my parents, but right now they half or completely ignore me.

I've tried making eye contact, but it's like staring in the sun not in the sense of pain, but in the sense of by natural reaction looking away. When I force myself to make eye contact, I'm spending so much focus and effort into doing that to the point where I am unable to pay attention to what the person is saying. Instead, I stare at the mouth so I make sure I hear correctly the words they're telling me.

Each time someone is mad at me and gives me the silent treatment, and I inquire what I did to piss them off, they get madder because I'm somehow supposed to immediately know when I fucking don't. Then, half the time, they continue not telling me and I have to hear it from someone else. This further confuses me as to why they don't just simply fucking tell me.

I've annoyed people to listening to the same one or few songs over and over again. A lot (currently obsessed with the Sunset Overdrive and Tank Girl movie soundtracks).

I can "smell" the heat outside on a summer day.

I can smell other people's unique scents sometimes (especially when in someone's house; also experienced this in other people's dorms).

I can't remember what grade this was, but in high school, we went to some kind of space camp facility thing, and our class was split into two groups: one group was the group who was on Mars and ready to come home, the other was on Earth and can't wait to go to Mars. I was in the former group. My job in this little fun display interactive room thing was to examine the isotopes and report... uh.. I can't remember.. Report something that was off. Everyone else was dicking around with what they're supposed to do, and I was actually doing my job, and then said something, like I was supposed to, if I found something that was off (I don't remember the specifics). When the scientist who worked at the facility praised me on "saving the crew," I caught this look from the entire class a look I can't quite describe other than they didn't seem to like the fact that I did a good thing and was being praised for it instead of any of them (or they were shocked that a "dumb girl" like me could achieve this and get praise for it, I don't know.. hard to tell). This was a science class field trip, but despite this, I didn't have an interest in space, and still didn't feel I was smart. (Come to think of it, I think this was actually an 8th grade field trip, I can't remember.)

Just discovered this today: I'm actually very easily overwhelmed that could trigger a meltdown when I wake up. I don't know for how long until that point passes, either. But this could also be explained with how I've reacted to certain alarm clocks (the ones with the bells just induce pure rage in me). Either I will be on the verge of a meltdown or I'll have a fucking headache all day. Normally, I just wanna drink my coffee and either read or practice a little on Duolingo.

I don't always have enough room for a lot of info in my head for things that I like, so I have to carefully narrow shit down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do about my urge to get my hands on some monster movies while making sure nothing else I've retained info for wanes. Not sure if this is due to stress or what. But apparently I have designated compartments for certain categories in my brain. If I get into monster movies, continue to work on my knwoledge on ecology and paleontology, and gain more knowledge about arachnids, that shouldn't impede on the "language" category, so whatever I learn in Russian will remain safe.

Interest "Webs."

I have what I'd like to call an "interest web." My special interests in one thing can lead me to having an interest in another. I care about nature, and I also care about paleontology. Paleoecology is something I'd like to dip my toes into. But because this all involves nature, I have an interest in botany (though it's still intimidating so I'm sticking with local native trees) and arachnids (after conquering my fears and learning more about them). So the web stops at arachnids there (no pun intended).

Back to ecology and paleoecology...

I have a major interest in the Pleistocene because it was just before we humans started writing shit down. Hints of that era echoes within our current environment, from the pronghorn being "unnecessarily" fast (due to miracynonyx, the "American cheetah," which is now an extinct cat) to avocados not seeding like they should without human assistance as well as the yucca trees (Joshua trees) going into retreat thanks to the absence of giant ground sloths.

But the planet is warming, and we could use all the help from plants that we get, especially when it comes to making sure that permafrost stays frozen. So there's this "Pleistocene Park" project taking place in Russia, and one day, if I get into the field of paleontology, I may want to chat with those involved in that project, but one can't expect every other country to know English.

There's also FROZEN PLEISTOCENE MEGAFAUNA CARCASSES BEING FOUND IN PERMAFROST, too.

On top of all of this, Russia's northern lands will become habitable for humans if shit hits the fan and the planet's mostly fucked, so it's still nice to know the language.

See how all of these interests intertwine? (It also helps that since I am of Serbian heritage but can't find accessible resources to learn the language and I wanna know a Slavic language that Russian is kind of accessible. It also seems to be the only Slavic language "commonly" found in colleges when it comes to foreign language courses.) This is why I call them "interest webs." Not sure if other Autistic people have them, but it's something that I have.

The second one could simply involve Halloween, punk, goth, monsters, and teratophilia with Halloween being the gateway because my favorite color is orange.

Just thought this would be a fun thing to touch on real quick.

My Sensory Traits

I do experience some sensory traits, but they're not intense like some people would assume (unless I'm simply not noticing how intense they can be).

I can "smell" the summer heat, which was something I thought everybody else experienced but I'm wrong.

My retinas hurt in bright sunlight despite not looking anywhere near the sun, which I also thought everybody else experienced.

Drinks taste different or off in some way if they're not in a particular mug, glass, etc. that the drink is supposed to be in. (I have certain mugs that I enjoy my coffee in, but the other mugs? They taste off. I can't explain why. I have ONLY TWO acceptable little tumbler glasses for orange juice.)

Breakfast food does not taste like breakfast food unless it's on this one specific plate from my childhood.

Dinner can be iffy on certain plates, but the safest go-to is the knock-off blue willow plates.

Lunch is acceptable on anything, but if I'm having simply a sandwich, it must be on a small plate.

I have specific forks I'd prefer to use because of how they feel in my hand, how the food-part feels in my mouth, and how the fork itself tastes.

Gotta have cinnamon in my coffee. I just do. It's not coffee without it.

I cannot fucking handle hair snippets of any size for any reason on my body. This is why there is a rigid procedure to where my husband must buzz my hair over a paper-towel-covered sink (to avoid clogging the drain) while wearing a particular tanktop Harley Quinn night shirt, and then I must shower immediately afterwards. During the haircut, my skin itches like mad like I'm being poked by the hairs directly even in places where hair snippets have never, ever gone.

I'm overly sensitive to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes.

Also cannot brush teeth with cold water because it's so painful (this was LONG before I had dental issues and persists to this day). Even my tongue hurts from it.

I'm picky as fuck with candy. Trick-or-treating was sometimes difficult because all I cared about was either orange-flavored stuff, or chocolate. Only specific chocolates, too (Krackle, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Butterfinger, Reese's, that was it.) Skittles were okay, but a lot of the baggies I got had a LOT the red ones and the red ones suck. Can't stand the other candies. (But my tastes have changed since then, and I opt for European chocolate from Aldi's as they are far superior, especially Moser Roth's 70% dark chocolate and Choceur's coffee and cream chocolate.)

Speaking of candy, the Whopper's Robin's Eggs tasted better than regular Whoppers and I will never be able to explain why.

Despite loving orange flavored stuff, I have trust issues when I see an unlabeled orange candy because there's the dangerous chance it could be fucking peach flavored. *gag* (I like real peaches, but the artificial flavored ones suck balls.) Due to my dental situation, I cannot enjoy very much in a way of candy, and the only artificial orange flavoring I CAN enjoy is through Vitamin D gummies... And even then, EVEN THEN I have to worry about the fucking peach flavors if I have to go with a different brand because we can't get our hands on a bottle from Simple Truth.

Artificial cherry flavoring is death.

The ONLY flavored medicine that was acceptable to me was orange (of course) and those dissolving strips that were grape-flavored that they don't fucking make anymore because fuck me that's why. Everything else was peer-pressured to do shots kiddie edition.

The different colored coatings on M&M's taste different from one another and I cannot explain why. It's very subtle, hardly noticeable, BUT I CAN TELL.

Peanutbutter is fucking amazing.

The smell of peanutbutter is fucking not.

There are these frozen meals my husband gets for days he doesn't have energy to cook and one of them (all from the same brand) smells like fucking hell.

My husband's Nissan Cup Noodle ramen overpowers my incense despite what other household members say.

I love incense, especially dragonsblood, "coffee time," pumpkin spice, raven, and rain.

All of the autumn scents or scents associated with autumn are orgasmic to me.

The smell of artificial cherry is death.

I would love to have perfume or body spray of Play-Doh.

I can compare smells of some places to others, such as the library branch I frequent smells like my gradeschool, as do SOME of their books' pages, and when my husband and I walked through this hall-like tunnel-like storefront in downtown Pittsburgh, I said it smelled like my grandma's basement, and he thought the same, so we're in aggreeance that all grandma's basements smell the same. Except for my Baba and Deda's. Their basement smelled like they actually still enjoy life and had their shit together.

Speaking of gradeschool smells, my gradeschool had two directions of classrooms, one led towards the gym, but the hall off to the side was carpeted, had some nice colors, and held 2 kindergarten classes and 2 first grade classes. That section of the building had its distinctive smells. The other direction led to the office, the cafeteria, and the hall with the 2 classes of grades 2 through 5 plus the preschool and the art/music class was. The smell was different in all classes EXCEPT for the music/art class, and I never went to preschool so I wouldn't know what that smells like.

ALL PRINCIPLE OFFICES SMELL THE SAME. HOW.

I could smell when my husband accidentally put in cinnamon when he thought he grabbed paprika in a dish that I liked. He was terrified of telling me. That was a happy accident and it became a permanent ingredient. He was mortified and shocked that I could smell his whoopsie in my dinner he made me.

I can also smell the cinnamon they use in Little Caeser's pizza crust. Yes. They use cinnamon. But I was the only one to notice.

Honey is like peanutbutter: it tastes amazing. But holy shit fuck that smell.

Gas stations smell like death, sadness, and questioning life's choices.

No two people's car interiors smell alike.

I can smell when it will rain soon, especially if it's about to storm.

I'm the one who noticed that hairy white oldfield asters smell like cake batter.

Dominant yellow filling my entire vision can be sometimes painful.

I used to be able to "hear" the color yellow in my head so much I thought yellow actually made a noise. It was a particular shade of yellow, and it made this Playskool toy-like clicking bell ringing noise, but really obnoxiously, almost painfully. I don't know how to describe the shade other than "cloudy pastel lemon?" It looked like the fucking lemon-flavored medicine I had to take as a kid.

My parents tried mixing in this cherry flavored death medicine in with my orange soda thinking I wouldn't know the difference but I did, so I dumped it down the drain and opened a new can because that can of Big K orange was fucking ruined.

Orange is wonderful to my eyes. But it's a hard color for me to find when it comes to getting things in a particular color. My back-up colors are red, green, and purple.

The sunlight hurts my retinas, even when I'm not looking at the sky at all, but the pain intensity increases the further I look up on a sunny summer day. This has been like this since childhood. Prescriptive sunglasses shouldn't be fucking expensive and should be covered by healthcare insurance.

I have to try really FUCKING hard not to stare at someone's muscles in person because ugh... Good thing I rarely see anybody who's well-built. (No really, this isn't even really a sexual thing, I'm so fucking fascinated and once I realize "oh, so that particular muscle looks like that from that angle", I get a glimmer of hope that I MIGHT be able to draw something humanoid since I suck at drawing people.)

Orange trees as so pleasing to the eye, and these are much more socially acceptable to stare at, lest I'm in person and the property owner might think I'm plotting to steal some (luckily I've never been anywhere near a place that grows orange trees).

Neon lights are amazing and I want them to come the fuck back. I swear, stores were so much more enjoyable of an environment when they were common. Such lights improve my mood in a way I cannot describe. I'm no longer in a hurry to get home if I am in the presence of neon lights.

Sunny days during winter are painful because the sunlight reflects off the snow. I'm painfully blinded if I look outside or go anywhere.

I cannot handle the sight of someone having boogers/snot hanging from their nose, not the sight of someone vomiting, nor the sight of an syringe needle piercing flesh.

I cannot handle the sound of alarm clock bells. I have woken up in a rage and been in a bad mood I try so hard to suppress for a good portion of the day. If I hear an alarm clock bell now these days, I wanna take it and chuck it across the room regardless the time of day or if I'm already awake. It's not so bad if I hear it from a video. In person? That's starting a war with me.

Children crying or screaming (especially babies) are almost painful to me and triggers my fight-or-flight response.

The reason why I was the loudest mellophone player in marching band was to drown out hearing the fucking trumpets. And I did; I was louder than the trumpets. (I quit marching band my sophomore year but for different reasons.)

Much of the music from the 80s that gave it that sound that definitely said it's from the 80s is very pleasing to my ears.

I love punk music for its messages, lyrics, and energy, but goth always puts me into a headspace where I feel like I'm at home; I'm at peace and want to cuddle the monster under my bed.

However, some punk songs can hit deep or strong and live rent-free in my head, such as Anti-Flag's "Racist," Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl," and Skarpretter's "Nazi Scum."

One particular artist's voice I cannot get over because his is the first voice of any kind that makes me wanna fan myself is Peter Steele of Type O Negative. My favorite song, however, is "All Hallow's Eve" because his voice, the subject, and the lyrical content.

I'm able to hear something off in the oscillating fan my husband likes to use before he notices it.

I'm the one who can hear coyotes at night (doesn't help my mom wants to blast westerns to drown out the world and I'm back here in my room away from that shit though).

I can hear the branches scraping against the house, gently making creepy noises before I realize what the fuck it is, BUT NOBODY ELSE HEARS IT.

I can recognize the call of a robin because we had so many at the house I grew up in, and nobody else in this family fucking noticed.

I tend to notice the sound of the rain over all the house noise first.

I don't like tight clothing, which is why I prefer bralettes because my tits hurt.

If I could, I'd go without the bra because the band can sometimes suddenly feel tighter than it actually is, but because I have large nipples, I kinda need that bra for a bit of protection.

Shorts can be tight around the crotch, hip joins, and lower belly region, and that's a big no-no for me.

I'd prefer baggy pants, honestly.

Can't have tight footwear. No.

The seam at the top of socks or tights hurt my pinky toes if the whole sock/tights shift that way.

I already covered the hair snippet thing so since this is the sense of touch, another body hair thing is I kinda don't wanna shave my pits anymore because they are extremely itchy when they grow back. HAVE to shave my crotch because if I don't it gets horribly itchy, and my thick, fast-growing hair weaves into underwear, gets caught in pads, etc.

Ah yes. Pads. I hate them, but they're far more acceptable than a tampon or a cup because I have vaginismus.

Certain fabric textures are itchy as hell. There's a black shirt I have whose collar and cuffs are gorgeous but I have to wear something underneath to avoid feeling itchy.

Winter is hell for me here in the midwest, as I am very susceptible to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes. I become very slow, too. I feel like I can't get warm enough most of the time.

Air conditioned places in the summer feel almost similar, so I don't always wear shorts if I'm expected to go into, say, a Walmart with my husband to pick up everything. I'll shiver.

(We're gonna get into TMI territory here.) Can't masturbate by hand unless I've got a nitrile glove on because my brain only focuses on what my fingers are touching more than what my cunt feels.

Can't have any sex with my husband without anything brighter than low-light because things can be visually distracting in the room, or lights can suddenly feel way too bright to me. (Halloween string lights or those LED rope lights with adjustable brightness features and colors are excellent for this situation.)

In Conclusion

This is all that I've figured out so far. None of this hit me at once as a realization when I figured out that I'm Autistic. This took a while to realize it, and the realizations were mostly at random times through examples of other people experiencing it on the internet or through me going, "Huh, is that an Autistic trait?"

There may be even more that I'm currently unaware of or have forgotten to type here.

I apologize for how extremely lengthy this was. This took all day to type because of having to get up and do other things that needed to be done. One of the reasons why I really wanted to type this is because it's much easier to organize this on a computer, and I am absolutely shit at organizing files on my computer.

Unfortunately, while my husband is wonderful in supporting me, my parents aren't exactly all that great at it. Especially my dad, who is either vaguely dismissive or outright "forgets" that I'm Autistic (he honestly just... doesn't care, and tries to make things convenient for him at the expense of others most of the time). My mom... I'm not real sure. There are times where she seems to remember and others where she doesn't. I'm honestly wondering if they don't like knowing that I'm Autistic because that means my brother would have been as his traits were far more obvious than mine.

I hope that whoever is questioning whether or not they're Autistic has found this helpful at least in the sense that it would point you in the right direction on where to go next, but I would highly recommend checking out online Autistic communities, as that's where I've discovered that I'm on the spectrum.

#autism #asperger's #adhd #special interests #sensory traits #autistic traits #sorry for how long this is

[firaknight]

This is for you Lorena :)

Adeleines like, ultra weird about sleeping outside of her home because, thanks to being a fragile little human, she can get super achy from sleeping on dirt, even if it’s just for one night. To make up for this, she makes a list of every single place shes ever slept so if she happens to be near said place, she can sleep there instead of on dirt :)

Kirbys house: 8/10

Cozy! He asked to have a sleepover and took an entire day to make her a big pillow fort bed! (His own is orb sized, meaning she will absolutely not fit) Very comfy and soft and he gave her lots of blankets! She was warm and cosy and slept well! Points taken off due to how much she sunk into the pillows and struggled to actually get out the next morning :(

Halberd: 5/10

Not the worst place shes ever slept, but nowhere near the best. Meta Knight was nice enough to let her sleep in one of the better beds (made for his crew. The soldiers get a different set of beds that are more cost effective), but it wasn’t very cozy. She woke up with an achy back but otherwise slept fine.

Dedede’s Castle: 8/10

She enjoys spending the night here! Dedede always lets her use one of the bigger beds so she can fit! He’s gone as far as to let her wear one of his robes because it’s comfy :) Points taken off because of how big everything is and she gets real freaked out in the sheer darkness of the halls.

Drawcias World (AKA where the blood -related craft witches live): 7/10

Drawcia is very nice but Adeleine tries to avoid sleeping there if she can. Shes given a nice bed (of course) and usually sleeps fine but everything is really... scary. It’s hard to navigate and shes had nightmares there more than once, so points taken off for that. Otherwise, it’s pretty alright.

Seventopia (AKA where Claycia and Elline live): 7/10

Very nice! She just has trouble navigating Claycias house (which I like to think is the last world in game) and gets kinda freaked out at how easily she can get lost. She always gets good sleep here tho!

Floralia: 9/10

One of her personal favorite places to sleep! Taranza (and most of the Floralians) sleep in flower beds, and Adeleine gets to do the same! It’s very relaxing and the flowers usually emit a scent thats ultra relaxing. Shes out cold within minutes of laying down in one of those beds. Would be a 10/10 if she wasn’t in one of the higher up beds that almost hangs off a balcony :( (she has a slight fear of heights due to how badly she could be hurt if she happens to fall)

Lor Starcutter: 4/10

Hates it. Magolor and the Lor are very nice! But the Lor is very cold on the inside and everything feels really... soulless. It reminds her of Shiver Star and that’s a big no for her (it brings back not so great memories at times. She likes the snowy parts, just not the mechanical ones...). Bed was also too small and was not very cozy :(

Susie’s House (AKA a big chunk of the Access Ark): 2/10

Avoids like the plague. Fucking HATES sleeping here. Susie can be a bit of a bitch and Adeleine always wakes up sore. Bed is cold and blanket is thin and not comfy. Made of scratchy fabric because Susie doesn’t give a fuck. Not recommended.

Squeak Squad Airship: 7/10

Cozy as heck! Storo let her use his bed (he’s the biggest and is taller than she is so it works out) and everyone made a huge cuddle pile around her so she felt more at home! Squeakers are very warm and snuggly :) But points taken off because Daroach wakes everyone up at the crack of dawn to start adventuring.

Jambastion/Jambastion Fortress: 8/10

Zan let here sleep there once to make up for being a douche and insulting her lack of hairline (it was a bad haircut when she was a kid and it hasn’t grown back yet leave her alone Zan) and Adeleine slept wonderfully! Someone’s always singing (it acts as magic fuel for everyone) and it’s really eerily calming to her for some reason.

Mirror World: 1/10

Avoids it at all costs. It’s not specifically that she hates it (DMK and sKirby are really nice!) but sDDD has a problem with her for some unknown reason and nearly nailed her with his hammer last time she was there (DMK snuck her into the castle). They’re working on getting that fixed and making it so shes not a target if she decides to sleep there.

Adeleines house: 10/10

It’s home! She feels happy sleeping in her own bed and Ribbon usually joins her (they live together and treat each other like sibs) so she’s extra cosy :) Almost never has a bad night :)

Patch Castle: 15/10

Holy fuck is Patch Castle cozy. Fluff let’s her sleep in a big soft bed with like 7 blankets and it’s the best!!!!!!! She sleeps for like 4 hours later than she should but it’s worth every second of it! 100% would sleep there again!!!!

Ripple Star Castle: 10000000000/10

Queen Ripple is essentially Adeleines mom at this point and she 100% spoils this kid with the nicest bed she’s got. Ultra comfy blankets, cozy pajamas, heck, this kid gets a spa treatment at one point and sleeps like she’s in heaven (she only gets this because Ribbons part of the royal fairy court and Adeleine is really close with the queen/helped save Ripple Star at least once). Always sleeps amazingly and wakes up totally refreshed!!

Gooey, Marx, and the animal friends kinda sleep wherever/don’t have a legit house so she doesn’t have anything for them

#fira knight screeches #long post #if I missed a location or sumn lmk I have braincells for all #she’s not a picky sleeper (her requirements are bed with pillow and blanket) but gets specific about the quality #if it’s made to be cost effective (AKA something MKs soldiers would sleep in) shes gonna be upsetti about it #she’s already hella fragile and making sure she isn’t an aching mess in the morning is kinda crucial to how she performs in battle #anyways hi Lorena I hope you have a wonderful night thank you for allowing me to elaborate!!!!! :) #fira makes braincells