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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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Isn't It Difficult Enough to Be Born Poor?

Once again, I must start this post out by saying...Fuck you @respectthepetty. You did this to me, I currently have eleven (11)...ELEVEN (this will be 12) long as all hell analysis posts about Moonlight Chicken and at least half of them are your fault. Because you started posting about colors and then I had to start thinking about my feelings when I watched television. And here we are. If you are worried about what your legacy will be as a role model. Don't be. Your legacy has been talking about colors so much you have converted half the interest in to color analysts. This one isn't about color though, I just needed to curse you out for creating an analysis demon.

All that said, let's get in to Jim and Li Ming this episode.

So, Li Ming has just had a very emotionally draining conversation with his mother, and he is trying desperately to leave the house and just go, go anywhere cause Heart's not home, when Jim comes waltzing in and accidentally blocking his exit. "Where are you going now?" and GOD LI MING DOES NOT HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS.

The most exasperated face to date. But it's not really Jim's fault that Li Ming is acting like this, he's just a casualty of war. A safe vessel that will hold all Li Ming's emotions.

"Outside." "Where?" "Don't know yet," "What do you mean?"

Guess who's making eye contact again after a conversation with his mother where he very rarely looked in her direction????

Side note: I love this line "I haven't decided where I want to be yet," because it can be relevant to so many things and is a foundational theme of this episode, with no one acting on the choices they have before them until Gaipa's mother dies

"Then stay home and study," and here we go, another adult, telling him what to do, not being there for the conversation beforehand and having no idea they are plucking at an already frayed cord.

"I'm going to Heart's home," he tries to leave, Jim stops him.

Li Ming already knows exactly what Jim is implying here. But his mother is home, and he's already exhausted, and he just...he just wants to leave. But he's not afraid, he's calm, if annoyed.

He's happy to entertain the conversation, just not right now. Right now he is tired, and he just wants some time alone, some time with Heart.

Jim, once again, does not respect Li Ming's question, and forges ahead, because he needs to know, needs to confirm his fears.

Get, his ass Li Ming! To me, it helps so much prevent a fundamental breakdown in Li Ming and Jim's relationship here to have Li Ming know that Jim is gay as well. I think that knowledge, coupled with the exhaustion he is already feeling, just lets the rest of this conversation go over surprisingly smoothly.

"Li Ming, I'm your uncle," "Adults can do no wrong? Adults can kiss but kids can't? Is it the wrong thing to do? Is the world coming to an end?"

For Jim? The answer feels like a yes. Because Jim grew up in a very differently world than Li Ming has. He has internalized so much homophobia, not just from society but from his own sister, the person he had to rely on the most when he was young. A person whose opinions are very clearly shown to matter to Jim. Everything Jim has repeated so far in this show that is homophobic is a direct quote from his sister.

To Jim being gay has made life so much harder for him. Hell, he himself was a victim of the legal system, with Beam's family taking all the money he and Beam had saved, because gay marriage is not recognized so they could not open a joint bank account and everything was in Beam's name. This is a very real struggle, and a possibility Li Ming himself could face one day. A reality that Li Ming has no concept of because he's eighteen, and he hasn't lived his life yet, he hasn't faced society the same way Jim has...

But to Li Ming? Being gay isn't a big deal. Because Li Ming was raised by an openly queer man. Even if Jim is far more careful and restrained about showing physical affection or giving too much attention to Wen men in public, his friends all know. Leng teases him about it, Leng teases Gaipa about it. Jam knows about Jim. Beam's family knew. Wen literally walked in to Li Ming's room the night Wen and Jim had their "one night stand". Li Ming knows Jim is gay.

So while Jim and Beam were navigating being queer even just ten, twenty years ago with no one obviously queer elders around them to guide them, Li Ming has grown up around multiple queer seniors, one of whom is his uncle. Of course he has an entirely different perception of how significant it is to be gay. He had nothing but positive queer role models around him to guide him as he grew. Role models who were open. And I love the post from @respectthepetty and this post from @heart-ming that talk about the pressure Jim puts on himself, especially after he realizes that Li Ming is gay. All he can think about is every way that he has failed, when the fact that Li Ming is able to say so casually, so quietly, with a touch of disgust on his face: "So what? What's the big deal [that I'm gay]?" proves that he has succeeded at being a queer role model. Because Li Ming does not hate his queerness.

I love this shot once Li Ming leaves, because there is a moment of recognition. Oh shit, Jam is here.

Followed by Oh shit, I outed Li Ming to his (historically homophobic) Mom. Yet another thing for him to be able to blame himself for.

Something that I have really appreciated about the two Fourth and Gemini shows from this year, is that in both of them, the children are spared from their own parent's ignorance. Li Ming does not know he has been outed to his mother, and he will not hear her say the homophobic things. Jim is the one that will carry that weight. He is the one that will address her concerns, and tell her she is wrong. Li Ming does not need to experience that.

"Was it my fault I left my child in your care?"

YEAH JAM. GIVE HIM A BREAK, HE'S FUCKING RAISED YOUR CHILD FOR YOU.

And God this moment sucks so bad because you know that she is voicing his worst fear. He already blames himself, the sentiment Jam states, and Jim repeats "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me," that is 100% what I knew Jim was thinking in this moment in Episode 6. "oh shit, Jam is gonna tell me that I rubbed off on him,"

And it's so interesting to me the way they placed the sequence of events in Episode 7, Jim talks to Jam and Jam asks if she can blame Jim for Li Ming being gay because he wasn't gay when he lived with Jam, and JIM IS IN THAT MOMENT ABLE TO BE LIKE "what if he was that before living with me?", "What's the point of placing blame? He does nothing wrong."

When confronted with ignorance, he is able to stand up against it, speak out about it, and confront his sister's biases. But when he goes to see Wen, he repeats the same thing she did "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me,"

Also, best part of the talk between Jim and Jam was this moment:

Jim is finally starting to listen to his nephew's wishes. He will not make a decision as big as having Li Ming move back in with his mother. He understands that Li Ming needs to choose this. And, I will note that this is a conversation she has already asked Li Ming about, and she didn't get the answer she wanted so she has resorted to asking the family member Li Ming loves and trusts to get him to change his mind. And she holds the deed title over Jim's head about it, trying to give him the ultimatum that he can only get the deed if he helps her rob Li Ming of even more of his autonomy. And Jim finally says no. "Don't do this" he begs, and at the end of the episode he returns the deed to Jam.

Cut to soon-to-be-father Leng, talking about how expensive it is to have and raise a child. And this is something Li Ming is painfully aware of in his own right, he's held Jim's "I pay your tuition" statement right back over his head. Li Ming is aware that Jim is struggling to make ends meet, he's aware that they live in poverty.

"Don't have kids," Leng says, only partly joking, but with a smile on his face. And Li Ming has just come from a terrible conversation with his mother where he was faced with the thought of actually having to leave Jim to go back to a home he didn't used to be wanted in. "Did you ever consider abortion?" is a very answer-seeking question, it's intentional, and it's not about Leng, it's about Li "I didn't ask to be born" Ming. Leng is honest "I thought about it, but Praew's parents want a grandchild so I'm okay ot have this baby. But I can barely make it through the day, how am I supposed to raise a child?" and I think that is a wake up call for Li Ming in a way.

Jim is his parent. Jim is barely making it through the day. How is Jim supposed to raise Li Ming? No one knows, but he does it. And he does it cause he loves Li Ming.

To preface this, if Li Ming ends up going to America and doing the Work and Travel thing, I am completely fine with that, but I am on the Interpreter!Li Ming train so I at the very least want a seedling of doubt to be planted in Li Ming's mind. And I am choosing to believe it is this moment. Right after Li Ming is faced with the actual, very real potential threat of having to leave Pattaya, Heart, Jim, his community here, he asks Leng if he would still want to stay with his parents if they were alive. Leng says "Probably not. Everyone has their own life to live. And parents cannot be with us forever," (I see you P'Aof and P'Best, you evil evil motherfuckers)

This is Li Ming's face after Leng makes that comment. That boy is haunted and that boy is thinking. The wheels are turning. He is evaluating.

Cut to Wen and Jim. "What fight did you have with your nephew?" is literally the first question Wen asks when Jim shows up at his apartment. And I both love and hate that Wen so often has to act as the go-between. I mean from the sense that he is between the two generations and can be respected at both ends of it, it's great, and it's nice that we establish that Li Ming trusts, values, and listens to Wen, that Wen fits in this family. On the down side, I really wish Li Ming knew and could see how many times Jim has sought out council to better understand his son nephew.

Heart is Li Ming's safe zone when he feels misunderstood, Wen is Jim's.

Jim gets done denying everything his sister said, telling her she is wrong, that being gay does not work like that, that there is no one to blame, but he internalized that shit and immediately went to Wen to try to process his feelings.

"I can't help blaming myself for it. Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me."

"How come Saleng is straight? He's been with you for a long time as well. Trust me it has nothing to do with you."

We need this scene to explain Jim's behavior. To show the struggles he is having with his internalized homophobia. To how how deeply he loves and looks up to his family. That he catches and carries the shame, the guilt, the blame of his queerness when it's called in to question by his sister. But that he is able to recognize and shed that shame when Wen asks him very simple questions. Because he knows the answer to them, you can't catch queerness, Li Ming isn't gay because of Jim, in fact, Jim being queer was a protective factor in Li Ming's own relationship to his queerness.

"And what era are we in now?" Wen says "No one really looks for reasons why people are gay anymore."

That is the question of the hour for Jim isn't it? What era are we in now? Jim is stuck in the past. He is trapped under decades of struggle and strife, and the behavior he had to have to survive. He is shifting his paradigm, slowly but surely, and this is the question that Jim will need to answer for himself in order to better understand his nephew and in order to shed some of the weight he carries.

"What era are we in now?"

Not Jim's era. We're in an era of change.

Jim does not remove Wen's hand. We are in an era of change.

"You are gay, aren't you? Why can't you accept your nephew is gay?"

"I can accept that. I'm just worried about him,"

This is Jim's fundamental character trait in his relationship with Li Ming. He's just worried about him.

"You do know that it's not easy being gay in this country. I can't see how he is able to lead a good life."

We are in an era of change.

"If [Li Ming] wants to tell someone you will hear it before me, trust me," Jim says.

"Because you are strict,"

Li Ming has been telling him this from the beginning, but that's his child, and it's difficult to give up that need to protect him. We are in an era of change. It is time for Jim to accept that Li Ming is growing up, and he has to start seeing Li Ming as an adult if he wants Li Ming to trust him.

So it's time to listen:

"No,"

"Why?"

"I hadn't seen her in 5 or 6 years. Out of the blue she showed up and told me she loves me. Do you expect me to love her back just like that?"

"Can't you love her simply because she is your mother?" Jim certainly loves her just because she is his sister. Even though she's hurt him. Even though the blame he places on himself, the internalized homophobia, all of that comes from her.

"I know I owe her gratitude. But being a mother or father should not be an excuse for everything,"

Li Ming is smart in this way, he is showing Jim that he has opinions, he has justifications for his behavior, and they go against tradition, sure, but that has always been li Ming's thing. Why do powerful people have the right to hurt us? Why do I have to love someone who's hurt me?

"But I think your mother loves you too,"

"Love can't be forced, right? Just because she gave birth to me, must I love her back? If you ask me if I love you or not, I can answer that more easily,"

"I can easily say that I love you,"

Moonlight Chicken is a show about family, found or otherwise. Li Ming has shown his love for his uncle repeatedly in this show. In the way he steps up to take responsibility for the broken alcohol so Jim doesn't have to stress about money. In the way he listens to Jim and calms down when his emotions get too out of control. In the way he shows up for Jim's birthday party even though they fought. In the way he always looks Jim in the eye. But he hasn't said the words "I love you," to Jim, not since we've been following them at least.

Jim gives Li Ming a olive branch beer.

"Get a taste of being an adult," WE DID IT FOLKS! WE GOT THERE!!! JIM HAS FINALLY DONE IT, HE HAS FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT LI MING HAS BEEN ASKING FOR THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME!!!! *airhorn noises*

And because this is literally all Li Ming has been wanting, the apologies, the trust, the honesty, the willingness and need to explain, to help Jim better understand his actions follows quickly. And Jim reciprocates that gift with his own, "I wasn't mad at you for the cigarette, I was mad at myself for demonstrating that behavior,"

"What about Heart?" he teases "Have you tried him out already so you know you like him?" and it's not really an apology, but it doesn't have to be. Because I do think Li Ming understands where Jim was coming from, it's difficult to be gay. Uncle Jim is worried about him. But this, again, is Jim's way of showing Li Ming he is on board with their relationship. He is teasing him, and they are back to their regularly scheduled program after this.

God, Jim loves his nephew so much. And God, this is the happiest and most carefree that I have seen Li Ming be outside of when he's spending time with Heart.

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operationfortune · 1 year

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Okay I know this post will gain absolutely zero traction but the more I think about it the more I want to cry about it??

slight spoilers for one of the character arcs in Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre ahead,,,

So I saw Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre in the cinema today. I was alone, it was reasonably full, the film technically only opened two days ago, and it's wider release isn't for another week, but I had time to kill and it was the only thing that piqued my interest. It sits in an interesting spot tonally, comparative, I'd say, to Netflix Exclusive Michael Bay movie 6 Underground, though to use a more recent marker I'd drop it somewhere near Bullet Train (though it's definitely much closer to 6 Underground). All this context to say that I went into this Jason Statham-lead espionage action movie with zero expectations and almost completely blind.

So please believe me when I say I was truly blindsided with joy to have canonical, casual queer representation in this Jason Statham-lead espionage action movie.

Maybe it's that I don't watch a lot of media now, but it's something I noticed while watching Glass Onion too, both with Benoit and Hugh Grant (ha, put a pin in that) and especially with the character of Peg, and it makes me a bit teary and excited when I think about it. There's something to be said for how far we've come, to the point that Casual Queer Rep is even possible. There's something about watching Peg get all flustered talking to Helen and knowing that it's because she has a crush, without it having to be flagged, spelled out, or otherwise othered by the film or its writing.

It's normalised.

Which I know shouldn't be a big deal, but right now, to me, it is. I didn't realise I could feel this way; to see a full character who just so happens to be gay, where the plot doesn't revolve around her being gay, but that part of her identity is still made clear?? I love Peg so much holy shit.

But Glass Onion is the second in a series that has established itself as a forerunner for casual diversity. Let me tell you about how Operation Fortune made me want to YELL in theatres.

It's the 8th of January, and it might be a bit early to call it, but Danny Francesco might be my favourite character of the year.

Is he perfect? God no, he's objectively not a great person; he's sleeping with his sister-in-law, he's a Hollywood diva, he's demanding, and he (spoilers, seriously) ends up engaged to a war criminal. Who happens to be the main antagonist. Who happens to be Hugh Grant. Danny is the light of my life, however, and I love him with my whole heart.

So in the beginning we're told that Danny turned down $10m because he didn't want to jump out of Greg (Hugh Grant)'s cake and sing Happy Birthday; whatever, I thought, Greg is a rich, eccentric with an obsession with celebrities, and Danny is the biggest star right now, I shouldn't read anything into it because Sometimes Rich People Just Do Things For Status Reasons. We're also told, and subsequently shown, Greg tries to take celebrity's partners/girlfriends. Cue Sarah (Aubrey Plaza) in a bright red dress that I will dream about for the next month.

Also, in the scene where Danny, Sarah, and Orson (Jason Statham) are joining the fancy party, there's some distinctly fruity vibes between the three of them, but I'm not here to push my Orson/Sarah/Danny polycule agenda, just know that I have one.

So obviously Greg is excited to see Danny, but later makes a Very Distinct Pass at Sarah, inviting both her and Danny to stay with him for the weekend, with an implied Wink Wink Nudge Nudge.

While they end up taking him up on that offer, Danny, who started the film having refused Greg's Rich Weirdo Request, and now having to spend time with him for the job, finds that he actually genuinely likes Greg, who appears to genuinely like him back, doting on him, even giving him gifts.

When Danny says to Sarah "(I'm paraphrasing, about Greg) he's really into you! If you don't take him up on his offer then I might!" my eyeballs were Out Of My Head. Like sure it sounds like a joke that would be written in to simply highlight Danny's materialism, a whole 'gay for pay' joke, something about his vanity, or even just an offhand joke that I might hear one of my straight friends who were super comfortable and confident in their sexuality say about their best friends, I was So primed for this to be something that the audience could laugh off or dismiss in hindsight. Like in my mind that solidified my headcanon of Danny as bi, but I was so used to queerbaiting and years of being told I was reading into things.

So as the plot continues, Danny's fondness for Greg goes on, turns into something incredibly genuine, and looking back, he clearly has a hero-worship crush on Greg by the end of the film.

The last shot we see of Danny and Greg is the pair of them getting into an elevator after Greg pulls a stone cold power move on the films secondary antagonists, which he had Danny assist with for flare after Danny asked specifically to stay with him for that event. In the elevator, Danny tells Greg that that was "the coolest thing he's ever seen someone do" and that's the last we physically see of them.

HOWEVER!! THE ICING!! THE CHERRY!!

At the very end of the film, one of the protagonists mentions how he's gone into the film industry, and the response he gets is;

"You better not be talking about Danny Francesco and his fiancee Greg Simmonds!"

an accurate depiction of me as the credits began to roll;

WE WIN THESE!!

BOTH DANNY AND GREG ARE CANONICALLY BI/PAN IN THIS JASON STATHAM-LEAD ESPIONAGE ACTION MOVIE IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2023!! THEY BOTH LIVE UNTIL THE END!! THEY'RE ENGAGED!! THEY'RE BOTH ABSOLUTE DISASTERS!! THEY'RE BOTH FULL, ROUNDED CHARACTERS WHO HAPPEN TO BE QUEER!!

I get choked up thinking about it now, considering how quietly overwhelmed I felt in the theatre realising that Danny and Greg's comments and moments throughout the film weren't some elaborate joke, the dialogue that reminds me of my friends, the moments that felt true to my life as a queer person, they werent the setup for any kind of homophobic mixup, miscommunication, or microaggression; no, I finally, actually felt like I saw a part of myself, of my community represented in media.

Everyone in that movie is terrible in their own way, but Danny and Greg just happened to be terrible people who are also queer. Are they perfect representation? No! Thank fuck! I think we deserve more dumbass, disaster, unethical queers in media.

Even if I don't necessarily recommend this movie (it's pretty okay if you're a fan of the genre I suppose), I subjectively love it and especially it's characters, with my whole entire heart.

Danny Francesco is canonically a dumbass, bi disaster who fell for his sugar daddy, war criminal Hugh Grant. Good for him. It's what he deserves. 🥰🥰🥰

#operation fortune ruse de guerre #operation fortune #ruse de guerre #danny francesco #greg simmonds #hugh grant #greg x danny #danny operation fortune #greg operation fortune #josh hartnett #knives out #knives out glass onion #glass onion #peg glass onion #peg knives out #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtqplus #fortunate ops

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winged-fool · 1 year

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which books are you reading right now? do you have any queer book recs?

Yeah happy to share what I've been reading! I've only knocked out a few but I have a few more on my list.

The City Beautiful – this is about a young Jewish man (around 18 I think) and takes place in Chicago during the World Fair (sometime in the 1890s). Alter is in the US trying to save enough money to bring his mom and twin sisters from Romania and during this time one of his roommates is murdered and he becomes possessed by his dybuk (like a Jewish soul) and is spurred on to find his murderer. Alter is explicitly gay and has had a few relationships with other boys; the book itself is rich with Jewish culture and deals with homophobia and anti-Semitism of the time. It’s incredibly good.

Siren Queen – this one is a little dark and it’s WLW book. This one takes place in the Golden Age of Hollywood, in the 1920s, and features magical realism. It’s about a Chinese little girl who wants to be a Hollywood star and how she is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve her dream. She is also explicitly gay and has two main relationships throughout the book (and ends in a relationship with another one). Its theme focuses on what does it mean to be a monster and challenges your perceptions of monsters. As a queer Chinese woman, she finds her fame in playing monsters in films and makes connections with others in the industry that don’t fit the mold of Hollywood at the time. This one really hooked me, I couldn’t put it down.

The Once and Future Witches – this book isn’t as queer centric but it has a lot of great representation. It’s about three sisters who are witches and are trying to bring magic back to society. It takes place in fictional New Salem also in the 1890s and ties the witching movement with the suffragist movement which sounds weird but honestly REALLY works. One of the sisters is explicitly queer, she has a relationship with a WOC, while another one is asexual-coded, and there is a trans side character as well. I had a bit of a difficult time getting into this one but once it picks up, it REALLY picks up and I couldn’t put it down.

The Secret Lives Of Country Gentlemen - Okay this was a really fun read that's a little less plot driven but so enjoyable! It takes place in the late 1800s England and is about Gareth whose estranged father recently passed away and he inherits an obscure earldom on the marsh and it's about him trying to fit in with this new society and be accepted by his half sister he'd never met before. Prior to coming to the marsh, he had a brief anonymous relationship who turns out to be a crime big shot on the marsh. There's some mystery with Gareth's father's death but not really the focus of the book haha

Lavender House - this is basically a queer whodunit. It takes place in the 20s or so and follows Andy who was recently fired from the police force after accidentally being outed. He's hired by a woman whose wife was killed and turns out she has this house in the country that's a queer safe place where everyone including the staff are queer. It's pretty easy to guess who the murderer is so what really works is the queer relationships.

Last Call At the Nightingale - this is another murder mystery but definitely has more twists and turns than the precious one. This is the only bisexual book on my list so far so while it wasn't the best book, it's still special to me lol it's about Vivian an Irish working girl in NYC during the prohibition era. Someone is murdered at her favorite speak easy which is also her safe haven so she decides to help the owner, Hux who she may have a crush on, solve the murder so the speakeasy doesn't get closed.

I've also read The Song of Achilles which I think is a pretty well known one so I won't summarize that one. Next up I've got these books:

Giovanni's Room (mlm)

Last Night at the Telegraph House (wlw)

Nothing Sung and Nothing Spoken (wlw)

If you're interested, I'd be happy to update this post once I finish the other books :)

#My asks #Anon ask #Book recs #queer books #my book recs #Queer rep

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grayy-dayy · 29 days

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"It Doesn't Matter If Your Gay, You're Still Our Friend" Part One

What if Trent wasn't the only one to catch Colin and Michael making out in the alley?

Written between the airing of 3x3 and 3x4

Pairing: Colin Hughs x Michael

Coming Out, Mental Breakdown, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Queer Relationship, Canon Queer Character, AFC Richmond Players are Himbos

Colin couldn't fully wrap his head around how he could go from having a fun night out with his friends to sobbing in his partner's arms at home in just a single hour.

The night started off great.

He carpooled to Sarn's restaurant with Richard, Dani, and Isaac. This wasn't unusual. The team would often branch off into groups and celebrate after a big win. Considering their winning streak, it was only natural.

They were getting rounds of drinks (all on Sam, of course), and joking around.

"I'm not one those guys, but considering how much we've been wining with Zava around, and seeing how much he can move his body? He could do whatever he wanted to me." Richard said with a grin.

Dani and Isaac laughed. Colin laughed along.

He pushed down the punch to the gut feeling he got from his friend's words.

'They don't know.'

They didnt know he was one of those guys.

He knew they meant no harm. Colin wouldn't say his teammates were homophobic. They were just guys being guys. He knew Moe's best friend and uncles were gay. And he knew Jan Maas's twin sister was transgender. From basic observation, the team didn't seem to care. Sure, some of them looked surprised when one of them mentioned someone was gay, but no seemed to mind when it was mentioned.

But still, the topic scared him, It was one thing to be friends with someone who had gay friends, it was another to be friends with a gay person. And said person being your colleague? Considering just how many different cultures and backgrounds everyone on the team came from, and given what Colin knew about classic locker-room culture, it wasn't worth the risk.

He felt a mix of emotions when Michael showed up. He was overjoyed when he saw Michael, but it hurt he had so much love to give his boyfriend. But he couidn't give him anything more than a dude-bro handshake. He had to introduce the love of his life as his best friend. 'His wingman'. And to his closest friends no less.

"I'm trying," Michael said, taking a sip of his drink, "Trust ne, it's harder than you think." This got a chuckle out of all of them. Though, it was probably funnier to the two of them, considering the context was different for them compared to his friends.

Dani grinned, "Oh, come on. A footballer with a smile and personality like that? Plenty of women would want him."

"No woman has really caught my interest, l guess." Colin leaned back in his chair.

He was really hoping that they would leave it at that, and move on from the topic. But they continued.

"We'll just have to get you to some bars around town. Maybe use Bantr, like Sam." Dani patted Colin's shoulder. "Michael. You said you're his wingman. Would you like to join us?"

Michael laughed. Only Colin could see how the conversation was starting to make him uncomfortable. Michael took a bigger sip of his drink, "I'd like to see you try."

Eventualy (thankfully), the subject matter died down, all of the attention going to Zava when he made his grand entrance.

Colin and Michael were able to sneak away without anyone being suspicious of them. They knew it was safe when they were a block or two away from the party.

"Hi Colin."

"Hi Michael."

They embraced each other warmly, now being comfortable enough to do So. Colin kissed him eagerly. Michael laughed when he pulled away.

"Eagar much?"

Colin whined, "I just missed you. I don't like it when you go away."

Michael put his hand on Colin's cheek, "I missed you too. You know, we still have a bit of time left before people notice we're gone. Maybe we could..."

Colin took this as his cue to lean back in.

He loved being like this. He loved feeling Michael's hair in his hands, and their bodies seemed to fit perfectly together.

"Colin?"

His blood ran cold. They must have lost track of time.

They quickiy puled away from each other. Colin looked over to see Dani, Isaac, Richard, Jan Maas, and Jamie.

"Hey, guys," he said awkwardly, "What are you guys doing? Party's still going on inside."

"We were gonna get another round of drinks. We wanted to find ya, see if you wanted to join." Jamie said.

"Yeah. Yeah, sounds good." He gave them a thumbs up.

"Maybe you had a little too much to drink," Jan Maas said, "You know you were kissing you friend Michael, right?" Everyone looked at him. "What?" he asked.

"Um yeah, I know." Colin looked back at his boyfriend for reassurance. Michael grabbed his hand, giving him a look that said go ahead. "Michael isn't my just my friend. And he definitely isn't my wingman. ...He's my boyfriend."

Dani and Jamie looked dumbfounded. He couldn't read Isaac and Richard's face. Jan Maas just looked like Jan Maas.

Colin turned to Michael and looked back at his friends. "We should go."

Colin and Michael quickly made their way back to the restaurant to get their things and leave. His teammnates followed.

He grabbed his drawstring bag and turned to Michael to make sure he had his keys (he knew Michael didn't drink enough to raise any concerns about driving).

"Colin, wait! It's alright if your gay, your still our friend!" Dani called out to him.

A hush fell over the room.

Looking around at all his friends, colleagues, and mutuals, it was clear everyone was shocked. Colin felt himself on the verge of tears. He looked to Michael for guidance.

"It's okay," he said, "Let's go." Michael guided him out of the restaurant and to his car. When the car door shut, he broke down crying.

Looking out the window, he could see his whole team (minus Zava) and coach Ted standing outside Ola's, looking stunned.

Colin would feel ashamed of himself, but he didn't have the energy to care. He just wanted to crawl into bed with Michael and never leave.

When they got home, Michael led him straight to their bedroom. He made him take a shower and get a glass of water before letting him get into their bed.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

"Not great." Colin replied.

Michael put a hand on his back, "Need anything?"

Colin shook his head. "I'm worried about us. What's gonna happen?"

Michael sighed, "I dont know. But were going to figure it together, yeah," Coin gave him an affirming nod.

It only when the got under the covers did Colin begin to cry again, letting Michael hold him the rest of the night.

#ted lasso #ted lasso apple tv #colin hughes #isaac mcadoo #dani rojas #jan maas #jamie tartt #richard montlaur #trent crimm #coach beard #roy kent #afc richmond #zava

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mayorasmusings · 10 months

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So I was randomly surfing tumblr on the persona tag and I’m pleasantly surprised to find someone with Persona 2 on their list. I swear this is rarer than a 4 leaf clover, and the fact you have DDS up there as well. I’m gushing at this rn, truly a rare find.

I also saw your previous post, what would you say were your first impressions on the Cast of IS and what you think about them now? (Anyone really if you only do one but I was super curious)

- ☕️

I'm really happy to read that!

Persona 2 and DDS have a very special place in my heart.

I played DDS before I discovered that there was a game that was banned for homosexuality and Hitler. As an edgy teenager, I burned a copy of P2:IS with the translation patch and played it on my hacked PSone. Those were the times!

But, then I cried buckets, while playing this game, got obsessed with it, discovered how actually queer and traumatized I fucking was - and until this day, I am still in love with it 🥲

But without further ado:

First impression

Maya: bubbly, annoying manic pixie dream girl with a weird outfit making her big tiddies look bigger than they already are, but she has a goddamn pretty face.

Yukino: the butch friend, who shows off her toughness.

Tatsuya: he's too cool for school and is that bad boy every girl is after

Lisa: She's that "I-can-change-him!1"-girl, who goes after a boy who obviously has other things on his mind. She's sweet though.

Eikichi: annoying guy having a rivalry with the bad boy, all the girls are seemingly after.

Jun: he's too sweet for this world. I really feel sorry for him. Especially the way he was manipulated.

Impression now

Maya Amano: I love her very much. She's that fun, loving big sister everyone would want to have. Even if a little insensitive, here and there. Especially when telling that a stuffed animal would laugh at someone expressing their emotions healthily, but I blame it on her dad and the time, this game came out.

Yukino: she has a heart of gold and deserves so much better.

Tatsuya: he's caring, sweet, protective, and like everyone else, has wonderful voice-acting (Takehito Koyasu ❤️). Also, he's quite insecure and vulnerable. I really feel sad for him, having to bear the burden of knowledge in the parallel universe in EP.

Lisa: she's so sweet, caring, smart, and talented. Also, it surprised me, that she uses drugs and prostitutes herself. Her character was an interesting take, on how Westerners view Japanese people and how dehumanizing it can be, to reduce Japanese women to that submissive, demure, and prudish stereotype. Also, interesting to see her dad resembling Steven Seagal in that context.

Eikichi: having a father like this, I don't wonder about anything. He's creative, loving, and has more depth to him than he lets on.

Jun: unchanged. I really love the way he interacts with everyone and how elegant and delicate he is. Though, I do see someone with a barbed tongue, if called for, showing that he also got something from his mom's attitude. Not only from his dad's sweetness. Also, all those TatsuJun-feels 🙈

All in all, it is a very well-written cast I adore and really like to return to. I wish there was an anime or any type of follow-up to where everyone is grown up, but I'm also fine, with being left to my own imagination. Which I will unabashedly share with you.

In my AU, everyone gets to live.

Maya, Shunsuke, and Yukino open up their own little PR agency.

Needless to say that Yukki and Shunsuke are happy together.

Maya starts dating Katsuya at some point and it's quite a chaotic, but loving relationship.

Tatsuya becomes a social worker for homeless young people - being a cop wouldn't really help anyone, he decides. He is a great streetworker, who empathizes with the rather unruly parts of society. At some point, he starts working in a prison, helping the inmates with their problems.

Jun, with the backing of his parents, owns a flower shop. He and Tatsuya are happily married.

Eikichi has a successful band and is still together with Miyabi.

Lisa becomes a cut-throat-businesswoman and works as a boss of a casting-agency for pop-music. Dating hot dudes, she drops, whenever they get too annyoing.

#headcanons #persona 2 #p2is #eikichi mishina #jun kurosu #tatsuya suou #lisa silverman #maya amano #katsuya suou #yukino mayuzumi #shunsuke fujiyama #mine

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ghooostbaby · 3 years

Text

deeeep dive into why and how wei wuxian and lan wangji love each other, complete each other, are the inverse reflection of each other’s deeply hidden internal selves mirrored through the other’s external self, lan wangji’s inner wildness that he has to conceal and protect recognizing and loving wei wuxian’s outer wildness, wei wuxian’s deep, fuddy-duddy morality and values that he conceals with an elaborate subterfuge of jokes, mischief, and bravado, seeing and loving in lan wangji the ability to say no that it was never safe for him to express directly, “between you and me there is no need for thank you and sorry”

oh and a slight diversion midway through into a manifesto on WEI WUXIAN IS NOT INSECURE the whole story is about a society where being liked is ESSENTIAL for survival and it is actually completely perilous not to be liked, and his “people pleasing” is a skill and tool for his survival especially as an orphan and proven to be a necessary one when he stops doing it and STOPS SURVIVING

after the cut discussing the very interesting dynamics of consent in general in the novel, but not going into the consensual non-consent kink stuff till the last paragraph if you need to avoid for any reason.

I've been thinking about how Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian the exterior, unfettered expression of the wildness Lan WangJi holds in him and protects with rigid codes of conduct, propriety and outward dignity.

I have had this sense that these two are mirrors, either one reflecting the hidden, interior (and unallowed) self of the other. but it seemed more clear from Lan WangJi's side, especially knowing about his history with his mother and the spicy side that emerges when he drinks and in the extras.

I also - just... the way this whole story shows how romantic love is truly this longing for your self, to become yourself, to become the thing you're not allowed to be, seeing in that person the expression of whatever it is you can't become and longing for it, protecting it, joining with it as closely as you can without ever being able to let it live inside your own body.

On the surface it seems a lot more difficult for Wei WuXian to find a piece of his soul in Lan Wangji. I think its a bit too simplistic to see whatever draws Wei WuXian to Lan Wangji as a reverse-psychology sort of craving of acceptance from the only one who won't give it, pushing and pushing against this impenetrable boundary that he needs to break to feel assurance that no matter what he can make anyone accept him.

And he is SO drawn - in a mind boggling way, in the teenage flashbacks Lan WangJi rudely and aggressively throws him off over and over and Wei WuXian cannot keep away! Even when he talks about how boring Lan WangJi is, he never stops trying to be around him and talk to him.

I've seen discussions of the way Wei WuXian has always relied on the goodwill of others to survive, and that his placating of others to survive is a character flaw. Although that seems only halfway true.

As a young child he didn't have anyone's goodwill for a while and he survived, and it seems like he can always find a way to survive from whatever means and sometimes very limited resources he has at his disposal. Doing what he has to do to become powerful enough to survive losing his core and being thrown into the burial mounds slowly costs him the goodwill of everyone around him - and what happens to him as a result shows how much placation was a truly necessary for someone without the protection of biological/hereditary family bonds.

(Don’t get me started on how his loss of his golden core and his development of demonic cultivation to give himself power by ‘unnatural methods’ through the use of a musical instrument is a metaphor for disability and the way ableist society sees the use of accessibility devices and tools. Actually please DO get my started haha.)

Wei WuXian is so charismatic and seems very used to getting what he wants and needs on the strength of that. He pushes a lot of boundaries and seems pretty confident and flexibly prepared to handle the consequences, whether beatings or harsh words. But he does work so hard to make others feel good, good with him, good with themselves.

When he is in the cave with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian is described as "like one who forgets all past pain as soon as the wound heals". He can't resist coming up beside Lan WangJi and talking to him again and again after every time Lan WangJi pushes him off, only finally staying away when Lan WangJi bites him (and he still keeps trying to talk to him after a little bit!) and then calls him an awful person (!!! Bad Wangji! :(((( ). In the end, when Lan WangJi (very minimally) discloses what happened to his sect and his father, and even cries, because of all the defences/assaults Lan WangJi has put up Wei WuXian can't do anything or say anything to help and feels miserable.

Lan WangJi just absolutely refuses to allow Wei WuXian to take care of him - and I began to wonder maybe that’s what Wei WuXian actually really likes about him? Why he is unable to resist coming up to Lan WangJi again and again? Maybe because Lan WangJi refuses to let Wei WuXian appease him. He’s not trying to crack Lan WangJi to get to this impenetrable place of approval and acceptance. In a way he can’t quite understand, Lan WangJi is a respite for Wei WuXian from the constant work to be the one who pleases.

And how different this is to how Wei WuXian is (or has to be) with Jiang Cheng when he wakes up in Lotus Pier after the cave. Jiang Cheng gets so down and really really needs Wei WuXian to do what he does so well (and wasn’t allowed to do with Lan WangJi) - chasing Jiang Cheng down while being injured and reassuring him about all his insecurities about his father's acceptance and becoming a sect leader and Wei WuXian's own abilities excelling his - and at first Jiang Cheng is pushing him away, but he really does need Wei WuXian to do all this to feel better.

Wei WuXian is described as not wanting to be lonely, and not wanting to see other people unhappy, and he keeps trying to push and pull with whatever he has to not be lonely and lift the mood for those around him. I don't think it's a kind of codependency or insecurity. It’s not that Wei WuXian is afraid to say no, in fact I would say he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, but he must always do it creatively, with humour. Similarly to Nie Huaisang, he uses a persona of foolishness to give himself a covert agency.

I also think I'm writing this because I don't like seeing this discussed as a sad bean character flaw for him to always need to be liked - its a strategy, its a tool, its how he survives and excels. Doesn’t the whole story prove how essential being liked is to a human’s survival? And he is so so good at being liked, in making others happy, even when he is refusing to do what others want from him that he doesn't want to do, he does it in a way that deflects criticism, with a smiling bravado that never says what it truly means and has people writing him off as shameless or foolish or just endearing himself toward them despite themselves.

He is always at work really, with jokes and flattery or mischief and teasing, to get the resources he wants and needs. Case and point, when he makes a big coquettish show for mianmian, definitely not being "people pleasing" for her, but the group of girls around them all find it funny and cute and in the end she gives him a perfume sachet which ends up being a valuable resource for later. Or the time he outright tells Jiang Cheng that if you give the girls some lotus seeds they'll remember you and return the favour in the future. (Also notice how his interactions with girls seen as flirtatious are actually strategic resource-gathering acts.) These are the skills he has developed to meet his own needs. (THIS IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW. I REPEAT.) He takes what he needs and steals from the Lotus Pier markets knowing it'll be paid for, he lives like he never know when his next windfall will come from so he'll take what he can when he can find it. Like Jiang Fengmian said, if there is no guarantee of a meal in the future then today's meal should still be enjoyed. It’s how Wei WuXian said to Nie Huaisang at Cloud Recesses, you have to find ways to make your own fun out of whatever you have. So he gets kicked out of class, goes fishing, gets alcohol, he pursues his own pleasure. He actually is quite insistent of his own agency and right to choose, he just can never directly say no.

And that little detail that Wei WuXian always tucks coins into his clothes just in case, that makes him able to buy food when he and Jiang Cheng are on the run... breaks my heart and reveals so much about the way Wei WuXian is constantly at work on ensuring his own survival and never takes for granted whether he is safe (he knows he never is).

I've seen some people talking about Wei WuXian sacrificing so much for his brother and sister out of a need to be accepted out of a chronic sense of insecurity. But isn’t this just true? Doesn't he live in a world where being accepted is absolutely essential for survival? Doesn’t this whole story show the cruelty of a social system based on networks of hereditary/biological family that closes out and scapegoats any outsiders, and that without biological family connections that can enclose around you, you can never truly be safe if not constantly working to earn acceptance? (And then beautifully ends with the way a gay romantic relationship that queers marriage/family/etc disrupts all this and creates safety and inclusion for Wei WuXian without needing a normative family.) (AKA romantic love does not resolve some internal personal problem in Wei WuXian but disrupts and refuses and rebels against the problem of SOCIETY.) (*breathes heavily*)

And that’s why Lan WangJi is magnetizing to Wei WuXian. Lan WangJi is always saying no. Although what Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian is an exterior wildness, Wei WuXian is not really out of control so much as he is playing and caring and supplicating and showing off and pleasing people to get the resources and the acceptance he needs to live his life. He has firm values and desires that he can never outwardly state, only creatively spinning plates to distract and deflect while he refuses what goes against his values, protects who he cares for, or takes what he needs to in order to survive/thrive. Lan WangJi embodies an exterior of resoluteness and direct agency that Wei WuXian doesn't have the luxury of. And he's so drawn to him for his ability to repeatedly say no, to refuse to get along, or make others laugh, make other people happy, but just simply follow what he thinks is right.

Wei WuXian’s outward wild movement protects an inward stillness. He is an exterior of people-pleasing around an interior of refusal. He is an exterior of youthful rebellion around an interior of unflinching morality. He sees in Lan WangJi the outward expression of his stillness, his morality, his resistance that he can't express, that he's had to protect.

FYI after the cut gets more into the dynamics of consent in the story, and the last paragraph directly talks about consensual non-consent kink play in wangxian’s relationship.

When Wei WuXian is with Lan WangJi, there is no work to be done. Lan WangJi cannot be swayed by him, and so there's no point vying for resources or favors. Lan WangJi will either give him everything or refuse him everything based on who he is, it does not matter what Wei WuXian does and he can't do anything that will change Lan WangJi’s mind. Someone he literally can't win over. After the resurrection, they are often in an adorable tug of war, where Wei WuXian tries to take care of Lan WangJi, while Lan WangJi won't allow him to but demands to care of Wei WuXian right back. Actually, Lan WangJi insists that Wei WuXian take everything he wants or needs from him and is even angry when he doesn't take or when Wei WuXian tries to offer a gesture in return, even something as simple as a thank you Lan WangJi won't accept. It’s kind of adorable how frustrated Wei WuXian is in doing this thing he's learned that he needs to do, and just... so confused by Lan WangJi, and has to find a way to please this person who aggressively refuses to be pleased and is ONLY pleased by Wei WuXian being pleased.

(Not to mention the way Wei WuXian delights in finding that Lan WangJi can’t say what he wants, and they have sort of these chaotic cohesive both-being-so-pleased-by-working-hard-to-please each-other moments where Wei WuXian is letting Lan WangJi please him by finding out what pleases Lan WangJi and giving it to him.)

The wildness Lan WangJi had always hidden within himself is something he sees as just as dangerous as Wei WuXian thinks of his desire to refuse. He saw his mother be socially alienated, shunned, and eventually die because of her wildness. His ability to survive in the world, aka to be accepted by his family, is contingent on him being able to control this inner wildness. From a young age (re: Phoenix Mountain kiss) he could only understand his sexual desires for Wei WuXian as something repulsive or dangerous that had to be repressed and controlled, and that the only way he could imagine his desires as possible was as non-consensual. His secret gay desires were never available to him as anything but something monstrous.

Importantly, it’s not like everyone else other than Lan WangJi are all vampires cruelly demanding Wei WuXian’s constant sacrifice. Wei WuXian is always vibrantly, charismatically offering so much, before anyone has asked. It’s Wei WuXian who creates this kind of relationship for himself again and again. It’s Lan WangJi who simply refuses - he refuses to charmed, to be cared for. And so in the end Lan WangJi becomes the one person who Wei WuXian feels doesn't need anything from him. When he says he's eating the corpse's fruit to save Lan WangJi money and Lan WangJi says that will never be necessary. Or when Wei WuXian asks what toy he should win for Lan WangJi at the market game, and Lan WangJi says anything Wei WuXian gets will be the one he wants. (XD stahhhhp it’s too sweet !!!) He really just wants Wei WuXian to be, to exist, to spend his life discovering his own desires and allow Lan WangJi to help satisfy them, he doesn't want anything from Wei WuXian other than him living - happy and safe.

It takes someone like Lan WangJi to refuse Wei WuXian’s aggressive generosity, it’s definitely not an easy thing to say no to Wei WuXian, dazzling or annoying people so chaotically before they even realize there’s something to say no to. The sacrifice he gives to Jiang Cheng, he never even offers a choice - and perhaps it would have been too much for Jiang Cheng to accept if he had the chance.

Lan WangJi’s statement "Between us there is no need for thank you and sorry" seems like one of the most important sentences in the novel, and you can’t help but noticed the way “sorry” and “thank you” is littered meaningfully through the book. What is owed, what the characters owe to each other, the give and take, touches every part of the story (down to wangxian's erotic explorations!).

When Jiang Cheng talks to Wei WuXian at the Guanyin temple he makes a lot of contradictory statements about what Wei WuXian owes, what he was given, what he took, what he (Wei WuXian still) is owed in return. Wei WuXian, according to Jiang Cheng, took everything from the Jiang clan, and paid them back with their deaths. The Jiang clan give him his life when they took him in, and he owed Jiang Cheng service for the rest of his life as the right hand to the sect leader, that’s what Wei WuXian had promised anyway. At the same time, Wei WuXian sacrificed everything (his golden core) to Jiang Cheng, by giving everything he was taking one more thing - Jiang Cheng’s right to even be angry at him. Jiang Cheng had taken everything from Wei WuXian. Everything that happened around Wei WuXian after could be said to be because of the loss of his golden core, which Jiang Cheng might be said to be responsible for. But he never asked for it, maybe he never would have wanted it. He wishes Wei WuXian told him, but Jiang Cheng never told Wei WuXian his golden core was melted while he was sacrificing himself to save Wei WuXian. He wants Wei wuxian to say sorry, but that makes him feel pathetic. And Jiang Cheng says sorry too. It’s a mess of paradoxes, and in the end somehow it seems like the scales are balanced in the most hollow, dismal way.

What is owed, what is given, what is taken ... Wei WuXian has never been part of a family. He has always had to say thank you and sorry for everything he's taken. Wei WuXian himself admits that he used "thank you" as a way to enforce distance between himself and Lan WangJi. Lan WangJi's point i think is that they belong to each other, Wei WuXian is his, and he is Wei WuXian's, unconditionally. The way that Jiang Cheng speaks of him in the Guanyin temple (admittedly I read a fan translation and this is very nuanced, related to slight variations of grammar), even when Jiang Cheng clearly is so broken by the loss of Wei WuXian from his life, he talks about Wei WuXian as an outsider. It is what MY family gave to YOU, never what you took from our family. But at one point Wei WuXian was part of their family - but he takes too much, and becomes an ex-disciple, not a brother. Wei WuXian’s inclusion as a Jiang was always conditional.

Even when Wen Qing and Wen Ning leave him to go take the blame for qiongqing path they tell him "thank you and sorry", drawing a line between them and him, so he doesn’t even belong to these people who he sacrificed everything for. The way Wei WuXian acted when he was younger, he was always keenly aware of this - he always knew that he didn’t belong to anyone, no one is going to protect him unconditionally. And after first escaping the Burial Mounds, he is done pretending. When Lan WangJi warns him about what a demonic cultivation path will do to his heart, Wei WuXian replies: “After all, on the topic of how my heart is, what could other people know about it? Why should other people care about it?” He is done pleasing. Nothing has changed really, he still belongs to no one and is alone, but now he is angry about it, and instead of saying thank you and sorry he is going to become too powerful to be at anyone's mercy. And then we see in the story afterward what happens to people who don't say thank you and sorry.

The whole point I think is the impossibility of choice, the impossibility of consent in this society. If he didn't forgo the behaviour his social acceptance was conditional on, he wouldn't have survived the burial mounds. But once he becomes powerful enough to survive and get revenge on the Wens, he is socially outcast. Except he was already outcast from the beginning.

And so how do Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi find a way through all that to a life together where all their desires are possible, where Wei WuXian can say no while also being pleasing (safe) to others, and Lan WangJi can indulge in his wild desires while still being good? The answer is kinky sex!

It is kind of miraculous and beautiful how Wei WuXian finds a way to say no, while simultaneously pleasing Lan WangJi, giving pleasure, while taking it, saying no, and knowing his refusal is not just tolerated, but gives Lan WangJi pleasure, knowing Lan wangji and knowing the painful belief Lan WangJi holds within that his desires are unacceptable and unspeakable, and that Wei WuXian can take care of Lan Wangji in a secret little way and please him and give everything to him by craving this wildness in Lan WangJi while at the same time he gets to say no again and again , and it won't push Lan WangJi away, he can refuse everything while at the same time be totally pleasing and thus safe, and also for Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian's pleasure at saying "no" while still being held onto, that he genuinely wants to be fucked even while begging Lan WangJi to stop (and the many ways he does give his consent for this throughout, especially their first time), allows Lan WangJi the ecstatic feeling that this idea that his sexual desires are only possible through force are not just something his lover forgives him for but something his lover is SO turned on by, and that he has consent for his fantasies of non-consent, Wei WuXian has the same fantasies from the other side, he is doing what he is supposed to while doing what he shouldn't, and actually these monstrous feelings in him allow him to take care of Wei WuXian in a way that he needs - that they both need - and all these impulses that are so wrong with Wei WuXian become very right and a way to do good. And they are just both so perfect and perfect for each other and I love them and I am so happy for them to have a long kinky life together.

#wangxian #mdzs #mdzs meta #holds wei wuxian close and murmurs into his hair 'no one knows you like i know you baby'

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buckleyblueyes · 3 years

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buddie + coming out

Jess this got...so fucking long. I'm putting it under a cut. (send me a ship and a word and I'll give you a head canon)

Okay, so Buck first. I imagine that Buck first realized he wasn’t straight when he was in high school. He didn’t mention it to his parents because it’s not like they were that interested in who he was dating anyway. But he did come out to Maddie back then. They were driving around her jeep (coming out in cars is Real okay) and there was some cheesy pop music on the radio (it was the early 2000s) and he didn’t have the word “bisexual” just yet, but she asked if he was dating anyone/if he had a crush on someone and he said “uh...yeah. His name’s Jamie.” and she just took it in stride. Just kind of “oh, okay.” and then he added quickly “I still like girls, too, though” and since she was already through college at this point, so she knew sexuality wasn’t just gay and straight, so she didn’t even blink. “So, tell me about him” and he did. When he was done, she grinned, told him she wanted to meet Jamie some time, and turned up the radio. They drove around some more singing along to whatever cheesy pop song played next.

As far as Buck coming out as an adult, at some point in his late teens or early twenties he found the word bisexual. He never really tried to hide it, but he also never went out of his way to broadcast it. He never felt ashamed of his sexuality, per se, but he never felt proud of it either. It was just like...sometimes he dated guys, y’know? Anyways so flash forward to when he joins the 118. He doesn’t make a big deal out of it, but at some point early on Hen describes him as “a straight white boy” and he’s like “bold of you to assume I’m straight” “you’re not?” “not even a little” and leaves it at that. Sometimes he mentions hookups with guys during his 1.0 phase, but other than that he doesn’t really talk about it. He comes out to Eddie sometime in season 3, when he’s bemoaning his loneliness and Eddie says “you’ll find the right girl someday” and Buck suddenly realizes he’s never actually told Eddie he’s into guys so he responds. “Right person, actually.” and Eddie blinks twice. “What?” and Buck sighs. “I’ll find the right person, I’m bisexual.” and Eddie blinks again. “Oh...Cool…” and then they just move on.

Which brings us to Eddie. Eddie does not come to the realization that he’s queer until much later in life. He worries he might be gay in high school, because everyone else is interested in dating and girls, and he’s just. Not. Everyone always tells him that he and his good friend Shannon would make a good couple, and he’s pretty sure she has a crush on him, but he just likes her as a friend. Until one day, the summer after they graduate from high school, he looks at her and his heart starts racing and his palms are sweating but it’s not from the Texas humidity and oh my god. Is this what liking someone feels like? This is terrible, actually. But he was right about Shannon having a crush on him, so they start dating, and it’s great. And Eddie is relieved because falling in love with Shannon means he’s straight. He was just a late bloomer, like his mom said.

Anyways, so flash forward about twelve years and Eddie is starting to think he was wrong before. Oh, God, he was so wrong. He’s not sure when Buck went from his best friend to someone he was falling in love with, but it’s too late to go back now. But it’s fine. It’s fine. Buck is straight anyway, so it’s not even worth getting worked up over because it’s never going to happen and--Buck isn’t straight. Oh, hell.

And then he meets Ana, and she’s, well. She’s pretty, and he likes that she guesses his name right, but then he blows up at her and also she’s his son’s teacher, so that’s kind of weird. And then the pandemic hits, and he’s forced into close quarters with Buck and it gets impossible to deny his feelings to himself any longer. But he doesn’t know what to do about it. The problem for Eddie is that he’s only really had strong feelings for two people ever in his life, and the word ‘bisexual’ doesn’t to fit. More like ‘these two people in particular-sexual’ but that doesn’t really make sense.

So, when Ana comes back into his life, it seems like the easy way out. Nobody has to know that he has all these weird, confusing, not-heterosexual feelings. He’s 33 years old, who has a sexuality crisis at 33? Of course, the universe has other plans. He gets shot, he almost dies, and he realizes he doesn’t really feel anything for Ana and he probably never will, and predictably by the time he’s finally ready to confront his feelings and sexuality, Buck is dating Taylor. Great.

Anyways, so Eddie goes to Hen for help figuring himself out because if anyone would be able to help, his married lesbian friend seems like a very good bet. And he’s right. He explains how he’s only ever been in love with two people and that gender doesn’t seem to be a big factor in it, and she points him to the concept of asexuality and aromanticism, and more specifically demisexuality/demiromanticism and it just clicks for him. He wasn’t a “late bloomer” after all. So, I guess Hen is the first person Eddie comes out to. And he doesn’t really feel the need to come out to anyone else at that point because it’s not really anyone’s business.

Eventually, he and Buck get together. And for Buck, telling people isn’t a big deal because he’s been out as bi for years. Eddie isn’t reluctant to tell their found family, or even the rest of the 118. But he is nervous to tell his biological family. He doubts they’ll be too happy about him being with a man, let alone understand the concept of demisexuality. He starts with Abuela and Pepa, the family he’s closer to (literally and figuratively). He comes out to both of them at the same time, at Abuela’s, over a home cooked meal. He tells them that he and Buck are dating, that he loves him. Pepa puts a hand over his and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I’m proud of you,” she says. “It was about time you put that boy out of his misery.”

Eddie chokes on a surprised laugh. Then he looks at Abuela. Abuela is quiet for a minute before standing and walking around the table to where Eddie is sitting. She pulls him up to standing and gives him a tight hug. “Te quiero.”

Next he comes out to his sisters, who are pretty chill about the whole thing, and lastly his parents. His parents liked Buck when they met briefly, so if Eddie was going to be with a man, at least he picked a good one. And given that the rest of the family already knows and is supportive, it’s not like anyone would be on their side if they had a problem with it, and they want to keep seeing their grandson. So they just say “okay” and accept it in the most passive way possible.

Anyways this got SUPER DUPER long and detailed, so I’m going to end it with this: After they’ve been out (both Eddie coming out and Buck and Eddie being out as a couple) for awhile, Hen drags them to that year’s LA Pride with her, Karen, and the kids, and they end up meeting up with Michael, David, Harry and May there (and Bobby who is wearing a t-shirt that says “Free Dad Hugs” in rainbow letters, Buck takes him up on the offer immediately).

#buddie #bi Buck #demi Eddie #you can pry my demisexual/demiromantic eddie headcanons out of my cold dead hands!!!!!!!!#coming out hcs #1331 words later lmao

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jockpoetry · 3 years

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supernatural sees women as a tool for development and strengthening of narratives/motivation and dean sees his body as a tool. is that anything?

When I saw this ask I really made the 🥴in real life. So, yeah anon, I do think there’s something to this.

Quick Disclaimer before I actually launch into my thoughts™: A lot of my read of Dean stems from my experience as both an oldest daughter and a transman. Being the oldest daughter was an experience I lived for many years, but I am also a man. I wasn’t raised as a man, I wasn’t socialized as a man, and even though once I came out upon reflection my masculinity was obviously there. Like I was a man™ before I knew I was a man. Even when I actively tied my identity to femininity for a long time! A lot of my prideful moments were based around statements like: “I was the only girl who (fill in the blank).”

So I am just putting that out there before I launch into my spiel about Dean/Gender/Tool because they all interlock for me.

I am also going to apologize in advance because I know this has fully gone off the rails and I’m not even done writing it yet. If this is incomprehensible ! Well, happens to the best of us.

First off, most importantly I guess before we discuss womanhood and Dean and the way both are utilized on the show I need to say that I personally don’t subscribe the whole Dean is female coded thing.

It’s a read I can absolutely understand. But for me..he’s not.

He’s a hypermasculine man to the point that when (and because he is written as a punchline, as the stupid™ brother, as the whore™, as the mother/father™, as daddy’s blunt instrument™, etc) Dean deviates from the pre-accepted definition of hypermasculine it’s Wrong.

It’s Instantly Feminine.

I think the internet has made the world very black and white, or blue and pink maybe. This point, I think, colors a lot of these discussions. Dean cooks, he cleans and so therefor he’s female coded. When that really just feeds back into the whole toxic masculinity loop. You can’t be masculine and cook and clean and cry. That’s for feminine people only.

I get the argument! I do, I just think that Dean’s actions are not inherently feminine, it’s just in the vacuum of Female and in the Absence of Traditional Masculinity it makes sense to assign him female coded and move on.

IN FACT the way that Dean is the action hero of the show, the Masculine™ one on the show - but he cries, and he rages, and he cooks (Again and Again) and cleans (Again and Again). The fact he’s macho and confident but he has so little self esteem. Is frankly insane to me. You have this blaze of glory character who is so depressed that they have him kill himself. Twice. In explicitly “I hate myself, I hate hearing all the things I hate about myself, I want to destroy myself” ways.

On just a regular ol’ network show that is just ungodly bad at times. They let their Male Hero cry - all the time (if I linked every example of this the essay would be...longer than it already is, but just take my word for it). Dean tears up and grieves and shows more than just Angry Horny Violent™ (he shows plenty of that, don’t get me wrong) but he’s Emotional (Again and Again and Again). In many different ways!

I mean, beyond even just tearing up, they make their Male Hero™ face sexual violence in pretty, uniquely horrifying - and queer! - ways.

Let’s make it clear, they did a lot of this unintentionally.

Or they do it as a joke.

Off of dean for a moment to say women are plot devices in this show. I could probably count on one hand female characters who have sincere depth to them that have roles outside of progressing plot, filling a filler episode, and who are still alive. Like even characters such as Charlie who are wholly developed, and interesting, are only remembered/mentioned/utilized to progress plots or fill an episode out - and then she dies. For pain™ for plot™ for no other reason than to traumatize a character.

Which let’s also make it clear Dean’s trauma is also only used as a plot device (as is Sam’s but in a different way, and Cas’ trauma is a whole other barrel of fish we’re not gonna dive into right now). Like wholesale full stop they don’t actually care about what happened to him. Unless it’s relevant in an episode.

Oh that boys home he was left at when he was 16 for months? Sure we’ll sprinkle that in in the back half of the series. Oh he was covered in bruises and said it was from a hunt (when it’s clear contextually they were from his father but saying the fantastical but true is easier than saying the uncomfortable but true). As Dean says though the story became the story, he was sixteen. He just went along with what John said.

We only see Dean ever truly rage at John, by the way, when either Dean is dead (when he’s between life and death and he rages at John, right before John “apologizes” for traumatizing him, for putting too much on Dean’s shoulders, and fucking dying) or John is dead (the Djinn episode where Dean is straight™ and John is dead™ and he goes to his grave and just yells and rages like he should have to his father in the real world).

Dean’s trauma from being both tortured and torturer in hell? Yeah, we don’t talk about that after it’s Relevant™. Even though it’s clear - especially in the demon!dean, mark of cain era, all those years later - Alastair still has his hooks inside of Dean. I stopped watching originally after s8 ended. I was fed up with the show, and with this whole renaissance I’ve been doing a rewatch and I’m into season twelve now and it really has never come up again.

Even when he had the mark of cain and he was tasked with questioning and accused of torturing it was “the mark has changed you” and not “you were victim and victimizer in hell for forty years, which is longer than you’ve been alive on earth” (and, was about as long as he wound up living. Which is desperately sad.

Because we talk about Sam’s desire for a “normal” life but, Dean wanted out too. He was tired in the first few seasons of this show, he never had a chance to taste freedom (we don’t count the boys home, because that was a different kind of regimented life, and it was a false freedom) the way that Sam did in Flagstaff with Bones or at Stanford with Jessica. Love for Dean is sacrificing, it’s putting himself/his happiness/his well-being last.

Because Dean only knows love in the context of violence (like all of these fun examples, for starters) is a phrase that I’ve said a lot both in private chats and on here, and I absolutely think it goes to him being a tool (a blunt instrument, a plot device, so both textually and metatextually) instead of a person. Which Cas sees Dean’s shame/guilt and sees that side of Dean because he touched his soul, and saw more than just the Righteous™ man, more than just the tool, he saw A good man, not a machine.

On the other side though you have how “bad guys” view Dean: Desperate, Sloppy, Needy, Dean’s hole (Again), which is again so wildly counterintuitive to the story of a Macho Man Hero™. You’re using vocabulary that is both queering him and feminizing (and I know this a meme format, but sincerely it is done in a derogatory way it is feminizing. It’s breaking him down to bare parts, to a sloppy hole).

My whole rewatch I have been absolutely fascinated by how identity and free will is utilized/conceptualized on this show. Castiel has been my main focus, but Dean and how he is framed by himself and others is...fascinating - and frustrating. The writers inconsistency lends itself not only to this unintentionally queer character, but also one that again is incredibly easily read as a non-traditionally masculine character.

As a feminine character.

This show has so few female characters that of course it had to foist the roles/behaviors/plots that a female character might have onto a male character. Which I think is part of why reading Dean as trans (either transmasc, or transfemme) is so easily done like.

Half of these are shit posts, but you can find trans allegories/textual evidence in this show again, again, again, again, and again. And this is unintentional, they don’t want you to look at Dean and see woman, former future or present. Like a lot of these I’m sure are punchlines for them, because women/queer folk are punchlines to them.

Sometimes the only women in an episode are random witnesses who get two sentences of dialogue, and then the main guest character is a man. Who flirts with Dean, and Dean is receptive to it.

They paint themselves into a corner, there are female Rabbi. So easily could Aaron have been a woman instead of a man, but they made the choice to play up the HaHa Dean & Men card.

Because, again, Dean has filled the slot of Woman™ of Female Lead™ and the flirting would’ve been straight if Dean was a woman. It’s a plot device, they needed to have the guest character be disarming, be cute, make the main character flustered.

It’s just the main character is a man, because they’re allergic to women. But they still need those female plots, tools of femininity, to move their show forward. I mean I am a big subscriber to transmasc Jo (no idea if anyone else is with me on this one, but let me explain). Jo is in love with Dean (concept) not Dean (actuality). Which, we’ve all had our eggs cracked by someone like that. We were in love with them until we realized we just wanted to be them.

He loved her like a little sister, she loved him like a lost idol. He’s a golden calf and she dies for him, because she believed in him, she was the original character dashed at the altar of the Winchesters.

I fully believe if she had lived and if this show had a crumb of actual good writing Jo could have been a deeply compelling transmasc character. But I also think she’s a fascinating inversion of Dean. Dean is a Masculine Character who subverts Toxic Masculinity, Jo is a Tomboy™ she’s not your (if you take it straight, literally and metaphorically) average female love interest. She’s angry, she’s not soft at all, all edges and corners and thorns. She isn’t helpless, she’s stubborn but not in a “you’re going to get punished for this” way. She’s right when she’s stubborn. She’s helpful, she’s a martyr.

I could do a whole other essay just on Jo (and Ellen, and Ash, what a fucking trio!) but needless to say Jo was one of the first...plot device feminine tools sacrificed to this show. She was a regular, she was unique, she was an engaging character, and she still died (to progress the plot? no. for man pain? yeah, for like three episodes maybe, and then it’s forgotten just like the rest of Dean’s trauma, as we mentioned above).

Dean and Women and Love is a very interesting tool used too because. Boy they sure try to make Dean love women and it fails in small ways, and in big, meaningless, failed het domesticity (again) ways. Not to mention whatever Lust (in the form of a woman) having no effect upon him, when they could have used that moment to assert his Masculinity and Heterosexuality. He behaved normally? And...also...whatever the fuck the Adios thing was!

Like they have these opportunities to make him Traditionally (toxically) Masculine, but make the choice to...not? To soften him. Because it’s a tool. He’s their female lead, textually he had to take on the role of mother(/father) to Sam, but...I mean this is a million miles long already. I know, but we absolutely can’t not talk about his Paternal/Maternal behaviors. (Which appear again and again again and again, outside of his relationship with Sam even/especially). He’s the mother hen, sage, safety net, beacon, home to so many side characters they meet.

I mean in many ways Jody is also a Dean comparison. Lost her family. Found a new family. She is non-traditionally feminine, but easily flustered and Silly™ (let’s just drop the entire sex talk over family dinner scene with Alex and the boys and looking to them for help, even though she was already a mother, and she’s a cop, and a hunter and this confident no nonsense individual.... She’s not). We are meant to see her as this hard ass, but she makes extra food for the boys to take back to the bunker. She’s deadly in a fight, but also still easily overwhelmed and put into damsel mode, and she cares so much even in the face of adversity.

It’s also fun to see how Jo | Jody are reflections of Dean at different points of his life. Younger, cocky | Older, settled.

Even when the text tries to tell us that he’s not.

When it reminds us that he’s violent. That he is his father, even if he says that Sam is more like John (which was reflexive, which was angry because of Adam and how Sam was behaving like Dean in that episode, and yes there are parallels to be drawn between Sam and John, the show barely dives into them). Instead we’re told that Dean is John (Again and Again and Again and Again).

So intensely that a fanfictionalized version of the Winchester Gospels makes it an entire fucking musical number.

And yet, despite the texts insistence to make Dean Macho Man Father Reborn™ We get this Dean who is silly (and directly compared/contrasted to the female character in this scene), soft, in heels, nagging, and... Sully (you know Sam’s imaginary friend who has the same Haircut Dean has, who is a softer, shorter, friendlier, campier, version of Dean who was a replacement For Dean until the real one let Sam back in? That? Sully?) it’s hard to take them seriously.

Hell, even when he was A DEMON? What did they do? They had him sing off-key drunken karaoke, they had him doing this ! Like that’s your hero, unhinged, free to be as bad as he could be, and you put him in a cowboy hat in a romance with the king of hell.

The Female Lead, everyone. Who’s biggest betrayal(s) comes at the hands of his love interest (again, a man even though it was an angel who could’ve taken any vessel! who could’ve been recast, who canonically dies admitting his love to Dean - that one), who he tries so hard to be loyal to.

The contradictions of his character are laughable. He is so emotional, but if he is engaged about his emotions? He shuts down, or he’s exasperated about being asked about them. It really is Female Lead/Only Here For The Plot disease, because everything is more important than him. How’s he doing? Doesn’t matter outside of the context of how x character is doing or that y character is dead. Or his emotions only matter if they’re done in penance.

They also really do frame him as Pretty Boy™ in a violent way, or in a derogatory manner. They’ll give us homoerotic shots like this or these and never really acknowledge how these are gay shots. Sorry the gun scene is a a straight up sex scene, the beer sip spilling out over his mouth is oral, the scene where Cas fills up Dean’s glass with whisky is also a sex scene, they do this shit on purpose but accidentally queer it up. If Dean was a woman these scenes wouldn’t even matter. They’d be passing moments, but because he is not just a man but A Man™ they’re insane to see.

Not to mention all of these scenes and all the ones I haven’t linked where Dean dresses up. He performs masculinity, but he performs femininity too. He’s a plot device that is slotted in to whatever role they need. He’s Super Straight Butch Man™ but coaches the lesbian on how to successfully flirt with a man. He’s Action Hero™ who sits through a montage with the same lesbian and yays and nays her outfits, and enjoys himself.

Fuck he loves dressing up, he feels better in these costumes because performing a character is easier than being himself. Because who is Dean? He’s a tool, both textually and metatextually. It is exactly how the women and because of the women on the show that Dean is the way that he is. If there was a more steady female presence Dean would not be half as much of a plot device or half as camp/gay/feminine/non-traditionally masculine/queer coded as he is.

In conclusion....

#dean winchester #supernatural #spn meta #spn #gender #anon #replies #messages #my writing #ANYWAYS PHEW okay anon i don't know if i even fully got to your point but i woke up at like 3:30 to this ask and i've been fixated on it #HOPE THIS IS EVEN JUST a little bit coherent #the way i meant for this to talk so much more about transness and eldest daughter syndrome and just FORGOT #oops #oh well

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goomauve-goodies · 3 years

Text

Zulius and Shipping

Hi there and welcome to my first post on my secondary that isn't a repost of any kind, this post is basically my stance on Zulius and the topic of shipping, I don't really mind if nobody sees this, it's just a lil important to me I suppose! So my stance on Zulius and his sexuality and shipping huh, well!! For one I believe that Zulius is 100% a queer man, specifically a feminine gay male, but in terms of shipping here's my stance.

I don't ship him with anyone nor do I personally like the idea of him being with anyone, I do believe he and splendib were possibly exes but nothing beyond that (like I don't believe they like eachother anymore, I believe they're very much just bitter exes). Why do I not like the idea of him being with anyone, well I'll explain my various reasons now!

He's perfectly fine the way he is

For one I don't think he has any problems with the way he is, and I personally don't think his character needs any changes, he's fine the way he is and I think that's what matters in fact I think this point stands for everyone in Centaurworld, the show isn't exactly a romance and I just cannot see anyone dating without it being some kind of one episode gag like that one episode with sunfishmerguy besides that I just can't see it especially with the tone of the episode and I'm especially against them dating anyone in their herd because their herd is basically coded siblings with a single mom and that just gives me a super icky feeling and they've out right been called as much too, like derpulton calling them family, wammawink essentially calling them that, and I'm definitely sure they've been called that other times too or like when water baby told Wammawink she did good with the herd as if complimenting how she raised her kids idk it just gives me a big nasty feeling seeing people ship adopted siblings if you get what I mean. I know 99% of the fandom don't ship the characters but this post is mainly about the people who do. It just gives off an uncomfortable feeling and it's just important for people to remember adopted and found family is just as much family as biological family, in fact that's literally one of the main themes of the show, that family comes in all shapes and sizes and even though they might not look like it, the herd IS a family.

It kind of goes against what he stands for

A good line I like to think of when thinking about Zulius is "Ha, I don't need a thing. You can't improve on perfection" when offered to go to the tree shamans to request for something he needs. He's happy the way he and his life currently is and I honestly like that a lot. Characters are always wanting something or aren't happy with their lives or themselves for some reason or another and just being himself is enough for Zulius he doesn't need anything or anyone else but his family to be happy and I think that's such a sweet message to give to kids! That being you is enough and you don't need to date people or to change yourself for people in anyway to be good enough for others.

You can be perfectly happy without dating anyone

I feel like this is very important to say not just for this post but for anyone who needs to hear it, you don't need people to date you to love yourself, you're wonderful just the way you are and that's really important to remember! Coming from a Demipanromantic transman who has stopped dating I can tell you I've grown to appreciate myself more and I've felt a lot happier once I stopped dating and took a step back to just appreciate myself for who I was after I stopped and I think that's super applicable to Zulius, I think he's a raw example of, you don't need to be in love or to date someone to be happy, as long as you're yourself that's enough! Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with people who do date, but I honestly think the message that Zulius gives off to people intentional or not is super beautiful and very important for kids especially in this era where dating and love and romcom shows are everywhere and you needing to date someone to be happy is forcefully shoved into your face!

Not every queer character needs a love interest

This is something that doesn't apply to just Zulius but queer characters in general, you don't HAVE to be with anyone just because you're queer, yes! Queer representation is good, but you can represent queer people without having them date people, and I think people are just using that as an easy way out so it makes me so happy that this show isn't just taking the easy way out and is putting the effort in to represent him in other ways, it just is something you don't see often and I think it's just something people should think about more y'know?

One more thing!

This didn't really fit in any category so I just thought I'd shove it in here but I see people shipping him with characters because of the way he speaks or words he uses to people and it's just important to remember that a lot of queer folks use certain words and it's kind of uncomfortable to see people take them and twist them into something romantic, for example, in one episode he says babes, but I know multiple queer people including myself that use words like babe, girlie, girlboss, sister, queen and other words to anyone INCLUDING family, words like these aren't exclusively romantic, and they can be said to anyone from friends to siblings of any gender so please keep that in mind when saying stuff like that because seeing stuff we say being twisted to be made exclusively romantic is actually kind of uncomfortable, I know I don't speak for all queer people but I do know multiple of my other LGBT friends would or do agree with it, it's just kind of not fun to see phrases, words and terminology being twisted to mean something they don't, I get to some people it can mean a totally different thing and that's fine!! But the way Zulius used it was very blatantly not romantic haha,,!!

But yeah that's all I have to say and if you don't agree or anything I'm not gonna complain or anything, I doubt anyone will see this I just needed to let it all out haha, but if you do see this!! Thank you for taking the time to read it <3

#Zulius #centaurworld #shipping #self love #headcanon #??? maybe #I'm sorry but this mans really doesn't need anyone to complete him he's a whole unit by himself <3 #lgbt #gay #ramblings #random rant #sorry for the rant #you can be gay and not date that's all I'm saying :'(#and please don't just make random words queer people say into something romantic when it's blatantly not thank you!! <33

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softtrobed · 3 years

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hm would you write a fic about annie coming out to jeff? i love their friendship and brother/sister relationship :)

thank you so much for this request! i honestly got a bit emotional writing this. annie coming out to jeff is something that can honestly be so personal...

there's some focus on annie coming out to other members of the study group, but it does mainly focus on her and jeff. i hope that's okay :)

Annie had decided to come out to her friends in the same way she tended to do most things: efficiently and beginning by making a list.

Well, she supposed the most efficient way would be to come out to all of them at the same time, but this way would be more effective in the long run. She knew they’d all have very different reactions, different questions to ask, different levels of surprise, so if they all found out at once, most likely no one’s questions would get answered (not just the ones she would politely ignore), the group would start talking over each other, someone would yell at Pierce and it would almost be forgotten what the point of the conversation even was. This way, although it would take longer, everyone would hopefully be satisfied.

She told Troy and Abed first. That was the easiest, as because the two were a couple, she had no doubt they’d be accepting. Additionally, in the time they’d lived together, she had a feeling they’d already picked up on some of her not-so-straight behaviours: the girl-crushes she formed on the pretty women in the movies they watched together and her disinterest or non-romantic affection towards the men she knew she was ‘supposed’ to swoon over; the way she giggled and twirled her hair while on the phone with a certain girl from Greendale she’d recently reconnected with; the one time she didn’t delete her search history from the apartment computer and Abed may or may not have seen her recent searches, which included among others, ‘am I gay test,’ ‘comphet meaning’ and ‘can you be straight but think girls are really pretty and rarely have long lasting feelings for men?’

She’d come out to them over breakfast one day, and they basically had the best response she could have wished for. They were totally cool with it, but didn’t make it a big deal. They joked about how she was no longer the token straight roommate, she hugged both of them, and the day went on as normal.

Annie had crossed their names off her list with a big smile on her face.

Next had been Britta. Annie had also guessed that she’d be accepting, as what had happened with Paige last year had been a bit misguided but well-intentioned. At least Annie didn’t have to worry about Britta only wanting to be her friend because she was a lesbian, because they were already friends, and Annie suspected Britta had learned her lesson.

As expected, Britta reacted well. Perhaps too well, loudly proclaiming her supporting for the LGBTQ community before asking a string of questions about what it was like dating girls and if kissing them was different if you were sobre and/or not doing it to prove you weren’t homophobic. Annie explained she didn’t know - she actually hadn’t kissed a girl yet - but did wonder if Britta’s questions weren’t just due to her being an ally. She could be wrong, but she had read something about queer people having a way of spotting each other. Still, it wasn’t her place to assume anything, and she put the thought out of her mind as she crossed off Britta’s name.

Next was Jeff. This was a bit trickier. Once again, she didn’t think Jeff would be at all homophobic (unless he turned out to be one of those men who only viewed relationships between women as hot, but she’d cross that bridge if she came to it), but coming out to him made her nervous for another reason. Ever since they’d kissed at the Transfer Dance, his feelings for her had seemed unclear. At first, he’d seemed determined to forget it ever happened - which she’d found unfair at the time, but now appreciated - but lately, it was possible he had actually become interested in her. It felt… really weird, when she thought about it for too long. Not only was she definitely not interested in him, but, partially due to their age gap, their relationship felt too close to a father-daughter or older brother-younger sister relationship to be romantic. Sometimes she wondered why she’d ever liked him like that at all.

Although, since she’d extensively researched what comphet was and realised that was undoubtedly what she’d been experiencing, she could understand a bit better she’d never really liked him to begin with, she’d just latched onto a seemingly unattainable man to convince herself she could be attracted to guys, yet again.

As everyone packed up their stuff to leave the study room, Annie remained seated. “Um, Jeff,” she said. “We’ve both got a free period now, right?”

“Right,” Jeff replied, not looking up from his phone.

“Would you mind if I talked to you about something?”

He looked at her curiously. “Yeah, sure.”

Troy, Abed and Britta had clearly all realised what was going on. Abed gave her a small, supportive smile, Troy gave a quick thumbs up, and Britta winked in a way Annie guessed was meant to be subtle, but no doubt everyone in the room saw.

“Come on, guys,” she said, ushering the others out of the room. “This sounds important, and private, and we’ve all got classes to get to.”

Shirley stopped, muttering that she’d forgotten a textbook, but Britta practically pushed her out of the door as Abed said in a deep voice, seeming to have taken the opportunity to act like a security guard, “Keep it moving.”

Annie smiled as she watched them leave, her friends dramatics a pleasant distraction from what she was about to do. She turned back to Jeff to see he’d put his phone down. Clearly, he knew this was serious. “So,” he said. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Annie opened her mouth, let out a squeak, then closed it. This was going to be difficult. Maybe she should have just come out to everyone at the same time, the consequences be damned. That way, she would have got it all over with at once.

“Annie, is everything okay?” Jeff sounded so genuine in his concern, a relatively rare sight. “You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you?”

“No, everything’s fine,” she assured him, finding her voice, but he didn’t look convinced. She took a deep breath. “I was thinking recently about that time we kissed.” He looked confused for a second. Didn’t he remember that night? Not that she cared, of course. “You know? During the dance at the end of our first year? I had just decided not to move to Delaware with Vaughn-”

“Right, right,” he cut her off. “I remember. Sorry, go ahead.”

“Thank you,” she said curtly. “So, I’ve been thinking about our kiss, and-”

Once more, he interrupted her. This was just getting annoying. “Annie, look, I know I’ve been giving… pretty mixed signals about my feelings for you, or if I even have any, but lately I’ve taken a good look at myself, and realised that it would never really feel right to be with you. For many reasons, none of which are your fault. It’s just that you’re much younger than me, and you often feel like a little sister to me - as well as a friend, of course - so I’m sorry, but-”

“Jeff.” Her firm tone silenced him.

There, she thought. How does it feel to be interrupted?

“I don’t want to be with you either!”

“Really?” he checked. “Because it wouldn’t be your fault if you did, I’m the one who needs to keep whatever feelings I have for you in check. Plus, I mean, I wouldn’t blame you…”

She rolled her eyes, but a smile began creeping onto her face. “I swear. I was going to say that I’ve been thinking about that kiss because of how, back then, I thought I really liked you. In a romantic way, I mean. But recently, I’ve realised that I just made myself think I liked you, even loved you. I wanted to convince myself I could be attracted to men, so just like with Troy in high school, I picked an unattainable - or so I thought - man. In his case: someone cool and popular who I thought would never notice ‘little Annie Aderal.’ With you, a cool, older guy who just saw me as a child.”

“Annie.” Jeff’s tone was serious but not annoyed. “Are you saying what I think you are?”

She nodded, her lips a thin line. “I’m a lesbian, Jeff. I really hope this doesn’t change things between us, although, honestly, knowing you don’t want to be with me is a big relief, because I was worried I’d break your heart or make things weird, but…” She paused. She was getting ahead of herself. “Well, have I made things weird?”

“Of course you haven’t! Thank you for telling me, that was really brave, especially if you thought I was still interested in you.”

“Thanks,” she said. She quickly added, “It’s not that I thought you’d react really badly. I don’t see you as someone who thinks he’s somehow entitled to any women he has feelings for, but still… I didn’t want to hurt you.”

He stood up, walking around to her side of the table, presumably to remove the physical and metaphorical distance between them, and gesturing for her to stand up as well, which she did. “You haven’t hurt me at all, Annie, I promise. I care about you, so much, even - no, especially - as a friend, and I just want you to be happy. Even if I was madly in love with you - which, thankfully, I’m not - I could never be upset at you, or anyone, for this.”

Annie could feel tears forming in her eyes. “Aww, Jeff!” She practically threw herself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug which he happily returned, laughing.

“Okay, we don’t have to make this all dramatic,” he said, but Annie was sure he sounded a bit choked up.

They came apart, smiling at each other for a few seconds before Jeff hesitantly reached out and gave her a pat on the head. “For old time’s sake,” he explained.

Annie had never felt happier while being given a head pat, which didn’t say much, she knew, but it was accurate, as she’d probably felt happier in general at some point in her life. Still, this was definitely in her top ten.

That night, she crossed off Jeff’s name, remembering the days she would doodle hearts as she wrote down his name, or paired her first and his last. This time, she instead drew a little smiley face. That was far more accurate, she thought. The thought of Jeff no longer made her heart flutter in her chest, but he made her smile, and she was more than happy with that.

#community #nbc community #annie edison #jeff winger #troy barnes #abed nadir #britta perry #shirley bennett #pierce hawthorne #lesbiannie #trobed #community fanfic #my writing #ask #lesbiannie-rights

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writemarcus · 3 years

Text

HITTING NEW HEIGHTS

BY MARCUS SCOTT

ORIGINAL RENT STAR DAPHNE RUBIN-VEGA TAKES YOU INSIDE THE IN THE HEIGHTS FILM

Qué quiere decir sueñito?” The disembodied voice of a girlchild ponders. “It means ‘little dream,’” responds an unseen authoritative figure, his feathery tenor with a soft rasp and tender lilt implying there’s more to the story.

Teal waves crash against the white sand coastal lines of the Dominican Republic and a quartet of children plead with the voice to illuminate and tell a story. Usnavi de la Vega (played by Anthony Ramos), sporting his signature newsboy flat cap and full goatee, begins to narrate and weave a tall-tale from the comforts of his beachside food cart: “This is the story of a block that was disappearing. Once upon a time in a faraway land called Nueva York, en barrio called Washington Heights. Say it, so it doesn’t disappear,” he decrees.

And we’re off, this distant magic kingdom ensnared within the winding urban sprawl of farthest-uptown Manhattan, the music of the neighborhood chiming with infinite possibilities: a door-latch fastening on tempo, a ring of keys sprinkling a sweet embellishment, the splish-splash of a garden hose licking the city streets like a drumstick to a snare fill, a manhole cover rotating like vinyl on a get-down turntable, the hiss of paint cans spraying graffiti like venoms from cobras and roll-up steel doors rumbling, not unlike the ultra-fast subway cars zigzagging underground. So begins the opening moments of In the Heights, the Warner Bros. stage-to-screen adaptation of the Tony Award-winning musical by composer-lyricist Lin-Manuel Miranda (Hamilton) and librettist Quiara Alegría Hudes (Water by the Spoonful) that is set to premiere in movie theatres and on HBO Max on June 11, 2021.

This stunning patchwork of visuals and reverberations combine to create a defiant and instantly memorable collage of inner-city living not seen since Walter Hill’s 1979 cult classic The Warriors or West Side Story, the iconic romantic musical tragedy directed on film by Robert Wise and original Broadway director Jerome Robbins. With Jon M. Chu at the helm, the musical feature has all the trademarks of the director’s opulent signature style: Striking spectacles full of stark colors, va-va-voom visuals, ooh-la-la hyperkinetic showstopping sequences and out-of-this-world destination locations.

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A Kind of Priestess

Joining the fray of proscenium stage vets in the film is Broadway star Daphne Rubin-Vega, who originated the role of Mimi in the Off-Broadway and Broadway original productions of Rent. She returns to major motion pictures after a decade since her last outing in Nancy Savoca’s Union Square, which premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2011. When we caught up with Rubin-Vega, she was hard at work, in-between rehearsals with her In the Heights co-star Jimmy Smits on Two Sisters and a Piano, the 1999 play by Miami-based playwright Nilo Cruz, a frequent collaborator. Rubin-Vega netted a Tony Award nomination for Best Featured Actress in a Play for her role as the enraptured Conchita in Cruz’s Anna in the Tropics; that same year Cruz was awarded the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for Drama, making him the first Latino playwright to receive the honor. Despite significant global, social and economic disruption, especially within the arts community, Rubin-Vega has been working throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.

“People around me have [contracted] COVID… My father-in-law just had it. I’m very fortunate,” Rubin-Vega said. “This collective experience, it’s funny because it’s a year now and things seem better. Last year it was, like, ‘Damn, how inconvenient!’ The one comfort was that, you know, it’s happening to every one of us. That clarity that this is a collective experience is much more humbling and tolerable to me.”

The last time Rubin-Vega graced Washington Heights on screen or stage, she acted in the interest of survival and hunger as a probationer released after a 13-year stint in prison and given a new lease on life as an unlicensed amateur masseuse in the basement of an empanada shop in Empanada Loca, The Spalding Gray-style Grand Guignol horror play by Aaron Mark at the LAByrinth Theater Company in 2015. In In the Heights she plays Daniela, an outrageously vivacious belting beautician with a flair for the dramatics, forced to battle a price-gouging real estate bubble in the wake of gentrification.

“She’s like the deputy or the priestess,” Rubin-Vega said. “Owning a salon means that you have a lot of information; you’re in a hub of community, of information, of sharing… it’s also where you go for physical grooming. It’s a place where women were empowered to create their own work and it is a place of closeness, spiritual advice, not-so-spiritual advice. Physical attention.”

She said, “Daniela also being an elder; I think she’s not so much a person that imposes order on other people. She’s there to bring out the best—she leads with love. She tells it like it is. I don’t think she sugar-coats things. What you see is what you get with Daniela. It’s refreshing; she has a candor and sure-footedness that I admire.”

With the film adaptation, Chu and Hudes promised to expand the universe of the Upper Manhattan-based musical, crafting new dimensions and nuances to two characters in particular: Daniela and hairdresser Carla, originally portrayed as business associates and gossip buddies in the stage musical. On the big screen they are reimagined as romantic life partners. Stephanie Beatriz, known to audiences for her hilarious turn as the mysterious and aloof Detective Rosa Diaz in the police procedural sitcom romp “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” co-stars as the fast-talking firecracker, Carla.

It’s been a year waiting, you know. It’s like the lid’s been on it and so we’re just so ready to explode.

Where Is Home?

“Well, Quiara and Jon really expanded on what Lin and Quiara originally created and now they’re partners—and not just work partners, right? But they’re life partners,” Beatriz said at a March press event celebrating the release of the film’s two promo trailers. “What was so gratifying to me as a person who is queer is to see this relationship in the film be part of the fabric of the community, and to be normal, and be happy and functioning, and part of the quilt they’ve all created.”

She continued, “So much of this film is about where home is and who home is to you. And for Carla, Daniela is home. Wherever Daniela is, that’s where Carla feels at home. I thought that they did such a beautiful job of guiding us to this, really, you know, it’s just a happy functioning relationship that happens to be gay and in the movie. And I love that they did that, because it is such a part of our world.”

Rubin-Vega said she had no interest in playing any trope of what one might think a lesbian Latina might look or act like, noting that the queer experience isn’t monolithic, while expressing that the role offered her a newfound freedom, especially with regard to being present in the role and in her everyday life.

“Spoiler alert! I felt like not wearing a bra was going to free me. Did I get it right? Am I saying that gay women don’t wear bras? No, it was just a way for me to be in my body and feel my breasts. To feel my femaleness and celebrate it in a more unapologetic way,” she said, laughing. “To be honest, I was really looking forward to playing a lesbian Latina. It’s something that I hadn’t really explored before. Latinos [can be] very homophobic as a culture, and I wanted to play someone who didn’t care about homophobia; I was gonna live my best life. That’s a bigger thing. It’s also like, maybe I’m bisexual. Who knows? Who cares? If you see that in the film, that’s cool too, you know?”

Stand-out performances abound, especially with regard to the supporting cast; newcomers Melissa Barrera (in a role originated by Tony Award winner Karen Olivo) and Gregory Diaz IV (replacing three-time Tony Award nominee Robin de Jesús) are noteworthy as the aspiring fashion designer Vanessa and budding activist Sonny. Olga Merediz, who earned a Tony Award nomination for originating her role as Abuela Claudia, returns to the silver screen in a captivating performance that will be a contender come award season. However, Rubin-Vega may just be the one to watch. Her performance is incandescent and full of moxie, designed to raise endorphin levels. She leads an ensemble in the rousing “Carnaval del Barrio,” a highlight in the film.

Musical Bootcamp

“We shot in June [2019]. In April, we started musical bootcamp. In May, we started to do the choreography. My big joke was that I would have to get a knee replacement in December; that was in direct relation to all that choreography. I mean, there were hundreds of A-1 dancers in the posse,” Rubin-Vega said. “The family consisted of hundreds of superlative dancers led by Chris[topher] Scott, with an amazing team of dancers like Ebony Williams, Emilio Dosal, Dana Wilson, Eddie Torres Jr. and Princess Serrano. We rehearsed a fair bit. Monday through Friday for maybe five weeks. The first day of rehearsal I met Melissa [Barrera] and Corey [Hawkins], I pretty much hadn’t known everyone yet. I hadn’t met Leslie [Grace] yet. Chris Scott, the choreographer, just went straight into ‘let’s see what you can do.’ It was the first [dance] routine of ‘In The Heights,’ the opening number. He was like, ‘OK, let’s go. Five, six, seven, eight!’”

Rubin-Vega said that she tried to bring her best game, though it had “been a minute” since she had to execute such intricate choreography, noting that they shot the opening number within a day while praising Chu’s work ethic and leadership.

“There was a balance between focus and fun and that’s rare. Everyone was there because they wanted to be there,” she said. “I think back to the day we shot ‘96,000.’ That day it wouldn’t stop raining; [it was] grey and then the sky would clear and we’d get into places and then it would be grey again and so we’d have to wait and just have to endure. But even the bad parts were kind of good, too. Even the hottest days. There were gunshots, there was a fire while we were shooting and we had to shut down, there was traffic and noise and yet every time I looked around me or went into video village and saw the faces in there, I mean…it felt like the only place to be. You want to feel like that in every place you are: The recognition. I could recognize people who look like me. For now on, you cannot say I’ve never seen a Panamanian on film before or a Columbian or a Mexican, you know?”

Another Notion of Beauty

Rubin-Vega’s professional relationship with the playwright Hudes extends to 2015, when she was tapped to [participate in the] workshop [production of] Daphne’s Dive. Under the direction of Thomas Kail (Hamilton) and starring alongside Samira Wiley (“The Handmaid’s Tale,” “Orange Is the New Black”), the play premiered Off-Broadway at the Pershing Square Signature Center the following year. Rubin-Vega also starred in Miss You Like Hell, the cross-country road musical by Hudes and Erin McKeown, which premiered at La Jolla Playhouse in 2016 before it transferred to The Public Theater in 2018. With her participation in the production of In the Heights, she is among the few to have collaborated with all of the living Latinx playwrights to have won the Pulitzer Prize; Hudes won the 2012 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for her play Water by the Spoonful, while Miranda took home the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for Hamilton. Speaking on her multiple collaborations over the years, Rubin-Vega also acknowledged having known Miranda years before they would join voices.

“Lin to me is like a little bro or legacy; he’s a direct descent to me from [Rent author] Jonathan Larson, which is a bigger sort of all-encompassing arch,” she said, though she stressed that she auditioned like everyone else, landing the role after two or three callbacks. “Quiara and I have a wonderful working and personal relationship, I think. Which isn’t to say I had dibs by any means because…it’s a business that wants the best for itself, I suppose. […] So, when I walked in, I was determined to really give it my best.”

Life During and After Rent

Rubin-Vega has built an impressive resume over the course of her career, singing along with the likes of rock stars like David Bowie and starring in a multitude of divergent roles on Broadway and off. From a harrowing Fantine in Les Misérables and a co-dependent Stella in A Streetcar Named Desire to a sinister Magenta in The Rocky Horror Show, her evolution into the atypical character actor and leading lady can be traced back 25 years to January 25, 1996, when Larson’s groundbreaking musical Rent, a retelling of Giacomo Puccini’s 19th-century opera La Bohème, premiered at the New York Theatre Workshop. On the morning of the first preview, Larson suffered an aortic dissection, likely from undiagnosed Marfan’s syndrome and died at the age of 35, just ten days shy of what would have been his 36th birthday.

On April 29, 1996, due to overwhelming popularity, Rent transferred to Nederlander Theatre on Broadway, tackling contemporary topics the Great White Way had rarely seen, such as poverty and class warfare during the AIDS epidemic in New York City’s gritty East Village at the turn of the millennium. Rubin-Vega would go on to be nominated for the Tony Award for Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Musical for her role as sex kitten Mimi Márquez, an HIV-positive heroin addict and erotic dancer.

The show became a cultural phenomenon, receiving several awards including the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and four Tony Awards, including Best Musical. Rubin-Vega and members of the original Broadway cast were suddenly overnight sensations, recording “Seasons of Love” alongside music icon Stevie Wonder, receiving a photo shoot with Vanity Fair and landing the May 13, 1996 cover of Newsweek. Throughout its 12-year Broadway run, many of the show’s original cast members and subsequent replacements would go on to be stars, including Renée Elise Goldsberry, who followed in Rubin-Vega’s footsteps to play the popular character before originating the role of Angelica Schuyler in Hamilton, for which she won the 2016 Tony Award for Best Featured Actress in a Musical.

When the screen adaptation of Rent hit cinemas in 2005 under the direction of Chris Columbus, Rubin-Vega’s conspicuous absence came as a blow to longtime fans. The confluence of pregnancy with the casting and filming process of Rent hindered her from participating at the time. The role was subsequently given to movie star Rosario Dawson.

“First of all, if you’re meant to be in a film, you’re meant to be in it,” Rubin-Vega said. “That’s just the way it goes. It took a quarter of a century but this [In the Heights] is a film that I wanted to make, that I felt the elements sat right. I always felt that Rent was a little bit darker than all that. Rent to me is Rated R. In The Heights is not. It’s also a testament. Unless it’s sucking your soul and killing you softly or hardly, just stick with it. This is a business and I keep forgetting it’s a business because actors just want to show art. So, it’s really wonderful when you get a chance to say what you mean and mean what you say with your work. It’s a really wonderful gift.”

Rarely-Explored Themes

Like Larson’s award-winning show and the film adapted from it, In The Heights is jam-packed with hard-hitting subject matter, addressing themes of urban blight, immigration, gentrification, cultural identity, assimilation and U.S. political history. When Rubin-Vega’s character Daniela and her partner were priced out of the rent for her salon, most of her clientele moved to the Grand Concourse Historic District in the Bronx. Her salon, a bastion of the community, is met with a polar response when she announces she’s joining the mass exodus with the other victims of gentrification who were pushed out by rising rents. The news is met with negative response from long-time patrons who refuse to take the short commute to the new location. Daniela counters, “Our people survived slave ships, we survived Taino [indigenous Caribbean people] genocide, we survived conquistadores and dictators…you’re telling me we can’t survive the D train to Grand Concourse?”

The question is humorous, but also insinuates a more nuanced understanding of the AfroLatinidad experience in the Western world. The film also looks at the American Dream with a naturalistic approach. Leslie Grace, who plays Nina Rosario, a first-generation college student returning from her freshman year at Stanford University and grappling with finances and the expectations of her community, noted that while her character “finds [herself] at some point at a fork in the road,” she may not have the luxury to be indecisive because of the pressures put on by family, community and country.

“The struggle of the first-generation Americans in the Latino community is not talked about a lot because it’s almost like a privilege,” Grace asserted. “You feel like it’s a privilege to talk about it. But there is a lot of identity crisis that comes with it and I think we explore that.” Speaking on the character, she elaborated: “Home for her is where her heart is, but also where her purpose is. So, she finds her purpose in doing something outside of herself, greater than herself and going back to Stanford for the people she loves in her community. I really relate to where she’s at, trying to find herself. And I think a lot of other people will, too.”

Worth Singing About

For Miranda, a first-generation Puerto Rican New Yorker that grew up in Inwood at the northernmost tip of Manhattan before attending Wesleyan University where he would develop the musical, this speaks to a larger issue of what defines a home.

“What does ‘home’ even mean? Every character is sort of answering it in a different way,” he said. “For some people, home is somewhere else. For some people, home is like ‘the block’ they’re on. So, that’s worth singing about. It’s worth celebrating in a movie of this size.”

Given the current zeitgeist, it’s no wonder why Chu, Hudes and Miranda decided to pivot with adapting the stage musical for the big screen, leaning in to tackle the plights and predicaments of DREAMers [children of undocumented immigrants seeking citizenship] stateside. In one scene, glimpses of posters at a protest rally read “Immigrant Rights are Human Rights” and “Refugees Are People Too.” Growing up in a multicultural household as a Latina with a Black Latina mother, a white father and a Jewish American stepfather, Rubin-Vega said she was used to being in spaces that were truly multiracial. Nevertheless, there were times when she often felt alien, especially as a du jour rock musical ingenue who looked as she did in the mid-1990s through the 2000s.

“Undocumented people come in different shapes and colors,” she noted. “To be born in a land that doesn’t recognize you, it’s a thing that holds so much horror… so much disgrace happens on the planet because human beings aren’t recognized as such sometimes.”

The film “definitely sheds light on that, but it also talks about having your dream taken away and its human violation—it’s a physical, spiritual, social, cultural violation,” Rubin-Vega said. “There’s a difference between pursuing dreams and being aware of reality. They’re not mutually exclusive. What this film does, it presents a story that is fairly grounded in reality. It’s a musical, it’s over the top… but it reflects a bigger reality, which is like an emotional reality…that people that are challenged on the daily, have incredible resolve, incredible resoluteness and lifeforce.”

She said: “Growing up, looking like me, I got to ingest the same information as everyone else except when it came time to implement my contributions, they weren’t as welcomed or as seen. The dream is to be seen and to be recognized. Maybe I could be an astronaut or an ingenue on Broadway? You can’t achieve stuff that you haven’t imagined. When it talks about DREAMers, it talks about that and it talks about how to not be passive in a culture that would have you think you are passive but to be that change and to dare to be that change.”

Dreams Come True

Dreams are coming true. Alongside the nationwide release of the much-anticipated film, Random House announced it will publish In the Heights: Finding Home, which will give a behind-the-scenes look at the beginnings of Miranda’s 2008 breakout Broadway debut and journey to the soon-to-be-released film adaptation. The table book will chronicle the show’s 20-year voyage from page to stage—from Miranda’s first drawings at the age of 19 to lyric annotations by Miranda and essays written by Hudes to never-before-seen photos from productions around the world and the 2021 movie set. It will be released to the public on June 22, eleven days after the release of the film; an audiobook will be simultaneously released by Penguin Random House Audio.

Hinting at the year-long delay due to the pandemic, Rubin-Vega said, “It’s been a year waiting, you know. It’s like the lid’s been on it and so we’re just so ready to explode.”

Bigger Dreams

“Jon [Chu], I think, dreams bigger than any of us dare to dream in terms of the size and scope of this,” Miranda said. “We spent our summer [in 2018] on 175th Street. You know, he was committed to the authenticity of being in that neighborhood we [all] grew up in, that we love, but then also when it comes to production numbers, dreaming so big. I mean, this is a big movie musical!”

Miranda continued, “We’re so used to asking for less, just to ask to occupy space, you know? As Latinos, we’re, like, ‘Please just let us make our little movie.’ And Jon, every step of the way, said, like, ‘No, these guys have big dreams. We’re allowed to go that big!’ So, I’m just thrilled with what he did ’cause I think it’s bigger than any of us ever dreamed.”

Speaking at the online press conference, Miranda said, “I’m talking to you from Washington Heights right now! I love it here. The whole [movie] is a love letter to this neighborhood. I think it’s such an incredible neighborhood. It’s the first chapter in so many stories. It’s a Latinx neighborhood [today]. It was a Dominican neighborhood when I was growing up there in the ’80s. But before that it was an Irish neighborhood and Italian. It’s always the first chapter in so many American stories.”

#Marcus Scott #MarcusScott #Write Marcus #writemarcus #Encore Monthly #theatre #Theater #Musical Theatre #musical theater #daphne rubin vega #rent #rent musical #Jon M Chu #lin manuel miranda #in the heights #Anthony Ramos

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the-ghost-king · 3 years

Note

you have any nico headcanons where he’s ftm trans but then realizes he’s also nonbinary (he/they/she)? just struggling with gender identity lately ig.

Alright, anon, I hope these help you some, my gender has been rather ~~~ lately, if that makes any sense... I would also like to remind everyone to bind safely and if you need resources on how to safely bind without a binder feel free to reach out to me:

Nico always just knew he was a boy, dresses were a no-go, couldn't stand to wear anything that wasn't undeniably boys clothes

In the beginning Maria thought maybe it was just a texture problem, but when Nico was three she came home to see him cutting all of his hair off she knew it was deeper

This is why they ended up moving to America eventually, Maria decided that if they started over then Nico would be able to be himself

Bianca named him on the way over, she liked the name because they were "winning" by leaving Italy

Nothing really signifigant happens in regards to Nico and his gender through this point, he is able to play freely with other boys, and he goes to school with them and such

The same in the Lotus Hotel, nothing signifigant

When he and Bianca go to Westover Nico is kind of scared the whole time, because he is worried about being "caught", changing for afterschool soccer games and having communal shower spaces at the school is difficult for him to feel comfortable

He usually tries to shower late at night or early in the morning when nobody is around, and that works out okay for him

His chest starts developing around this point and he freaks out, he has no clue how to hide it or how to deal with the new stress

He ends up trying to find Bianca one day, and they do all sorts of crazy stuff to see if they can help, eventually they figure out how to use a piece of cloth they sew together

When Nico ends up at camp alone without Bianca, there's the problem once again of communal showers and they're rarely ever empty

This is how he befriends the Stolls

At some point the pair of them notice Nico is weirdly panicky about the bathrooms so they go stand outside and keep people out when Nico's in there... It's honestly how they perfect their pranking techniques

When Nico runs away from camp upset, just the day before his binder had quit fitting and he had been upset by that because he had to make a binder again

Although his sister dying pushed all other thoughts out of his head, the emotions from previous events were still leftover

This is why he buys his jacket TM, because the layers help hide his chest more and the weight is comfortable

At some point during the Labrynth he ends up binding with ace bandages (AN: Don't do this)

He also starts his period at some time around this point and kind of freaks out "oh no" and it's not entirely that his period bothers him, but more so that he just doesn't know how he's supposed to hide it

He also realizes at some point around here that he likes Percy, which makes him feel odd and more freaked out

He's struggling because "boys are supposed to like girls" and also he's struggling because if most boys oon't have periods and he does... why doesn't his bother him?

Despite Nico himself being trans, he doesn't have the vocabulary to describe anything he's going through, and he doesn't know there's other trans people, or even queer people of any sort

So he sort of begins to question "am I really a boy?" but there's so much going on in the world and he's got so much to do, so he can't really devote much time to thinking about it

Everything continues about canonically until he's in the jar after Tartarus

During a fight with a monster or something he was knocked over, and combine this with the fact that Nico was binding with ace bandages, he definitly breaks a rib

Which makes breathing with little air a lot harder

Eventually he's saved and through ambrosia and nectar Nico manages to heal his ribs a little

He isn't able to bind that whole time though, so he does his best to keep away from The Seven

After Cupid outs him to Jason, Jason asks a few days later if he wants to talk about it, at first Nico is like "no go away I don't like you don't talk to me"

But eventually he opens up to Jason, because Jason was like "I'm sorry you had to do that I promise I won’t tell anyone and if you want to talk we can talk"

Anyhow eventually Nico kind of just breaks down and he's like "I don't know if I'm a boy or a girl? I think I used to be a girl, but now I am a boy and I don't really remember how it happened” or something similar

It takes Jason a moment but eventually he’s like “Oh you’re trans?”

And Nico;s like “heh? What’s that?

And so him and Jason talk, but Jason is only kind of well versed in this topic, so he only covers “basic” MtF and FtM transition because he doesn’t really know enough about other genders to feel comfortable explaining it

And Nico’s like “there’s people? Out there?? Like me??” and he’s just Happy Nico ™

Nico is like “and there are people like me who like boys?”

And Jason is like “Yeah totally!” but internally he’s like (I think so??)

Anyhow Nico feels a little better, but he doesn’t feel perfect, he’s still struggling a little bit internally to recognize that there’s other people like him and he’s not wrong for being him

Anyhow, Jason doesn’t know enough about this stuff to know binders exist, Jason just has a little bit of secondhand information from tv shows and from being from California… He promises he’ll look into various things more when he’s back at camp or has decent access to internet

On Nico’s quest with Reyna and Hedge he obvious evaporates Bryce, and Reyna and Hedge find out

They find out he’s gay as in canon, but they realize he’s trans when caking him in mud

Hedge just goes into dad mode about the situation and is like “son”, “sport”, “kiddo”, “my male child” etc

Reyna knows a little more about trans stuff than Jason, but she’s kind of in the same “ehhh I’m not really sure of a few things” boat, but she’s supportive and she’s like “I will beat anyone who gives you a dirty look up so fast”

Eventually they get to camp, and all that happens

Three days in the infirmary happens, and basically Nico has to tell Will for medical reasons that he’s trans because Nico needs stitches or something

Anyhow Will is like “Oh yeah cool me too, can you take your binder off now?”

And Nico is like “heh???”

Anyhow Will finds out Nico is binding with ace bandages and he’s like “no, don’t do that” and then he goes and finds a proper binder in Nico’s size which he gives to him after his stay is up

When they befriend one another they have a short conversation about gender and Will is discussing like gender theory 101 type stuff, and he’s like “wait why dont you know this- oh yeah you’re from the thirties- wait do you even know what nonbinary means??”

And Nico is just staring at Will like he has three heads for the whole conversation

So Will teaches Nico about gender and pronouns, and gender presentation vs gender identity, etc

And so Nico goes “wait so there are people like me who are also gay?”

And Will is like “I like boys and girls and everything in between so yeah”

And the whole enby thing doesn’t really stick with Nico at that point he’s just like “hmm interesting, so testosterone?”

It’s just not his biggest concern, he’s just happy to know there are in fact others like him, and no he’s not crazy for not being dysphoric over his period, and that’s normal too

And he’s just like “oh so that’s top dysphoria?”

And Will is like “yeah :/”

“Oh :/”

“Mhmm :/”

Anyhow they become like good friends and they start dating sort of on accident, like they’re too close to just argue they’re friends anymore, and at some point Will just shows Nico how to give him a T shot and it’s like chill, they’re chill

Anyhow one day someone is kind of confused by Nico’s gender so they use the word “they” and it makes Nico really happy for some reason, so he goes back to Will and he’s like “tell me about this whole nobinary thing again?”

And Will is like “yes absolutely”

And Nico goes “I think I might be nonbinary can we try new pronouns?”

And so they go through all sorts of new pronouns, and Nico decides he still likes he/him but he also likes they/them and xer/xem… They likes she/her too but Nico finds it too uncomfortable sometimes because it reminds him of dysphoria

Nico decides xyr uncomfortable with using she/her but they like using female gendered terms so he does that

(Listen, I know Will saying “this is my boyfriend” was a big moment but Will calling Nico his “wife” is 10/10)

Nico’s friends are all super supportive and they do their best to learn more about gender and such things in order to better support and care for Nico

They all use different pronouns for xem and some people alternate pronouns too, but Nico knows that takes more practice

But it’s just like good and positive in Nico’s life

And he begins to play with fashion a lot and xe finds out xyr love of skirts with tights and combat boots because it’s 10/10 the best fashion

Nico also loves their big jackets and they just looks so comfy all the time everyone is like “I want to be him” and Nico grows their hair out long again, and gets his ears pierced and xe’s just a nonbinary fashion icon

They are just so cool once they figure out gender more and Nico’s just happy to play around with xyr gender and he just enjoys it

Will doesn’t play around with gender so much, he’s 100% a binary trans guy but T helped make him comfortable enough in his femininity to wear skirts a little bit on the occasion (Will in a cat maid dress 10/10), but heels and skinny jeans for some reason are still big dysphoria triggers for him so he does have some limits on what he’ll wear

Will gets top surgery when he’s like 17 because Naomi is an extremely supportive parent

So that’s how Nico meets Will’s mom and she’s like “it’s so nice to finally meet you!” and Naomi just immediately falls in love with xem and Will is like “I know they’re amazing”

And Nico is just really supportive and they sort of role reverse and Nico plays nurse while Will recovers from top surgery and they has to like brush his teeth and stuff

The experience (despite the fact that Will had an easier recovery) assures Nico in how much he wants top surgery, and he’s sad he’ll have to wait another year until he’s 18 to get it done

Anyhow Hades finds out and agrees to sign the wavers, so once Will is healed up enough to wear he can put his own clothes on and stuff, Nico decides to go through with xyrs own top surgery then too

Reyna comes to help Will take care of Nico, and Jason does too

Originally Will was supposed to help more with Nico’s care but he wasn’t able to do as much as he thought so they had to phone their friends

Eventually they both heal up really well and they’re happy to be done with that

Nico spends time debating testosterone, while Will spends time debating lower surgery

During this time Nico starts art school and Will starts medical school

Meeting more nonbinary people makes Nico feel at home and he determines that xe doesn’t want to go on testosterone but it’s still a maybe in the future

Will however decides he does want lower surgery, so Will and Lou Ellen decide to get lower surgery together as friends so they can share in the pain (Lou Ellen is a trans woman as far as I’m concerned this is canon)

Nico takes some time off to do school from home so he can help the two of them, and Naomi comes to live with them as well for a bit

Will and Nico both finish school eventually and they decide to adopt trans kids to help them out more

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy all of that anon! I'm all ideaed (idea-ed??) out and so I hope this is at least similar to what you were looking for, and this is helpful with your dysphoria somewhat <3

#anon #Asks #nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #will solace #solangelo #i tried to keep it mostly Nico centric

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blackgirlsuperherorants · 3 years

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With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.

It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)

It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.

And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.

Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."

And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?

I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.

Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.

That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.

But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.

I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"

Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)

Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.

Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.

I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.

I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.

My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.

You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.

You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.

Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.

But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.

Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.

Sometimes it's because they ship something else.

And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.

And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)

Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.

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save-the-spiral · 3 years

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PLS PLS LIST THE SWAPS!! TELL ME ABOUT THE SIBLINGS AND ALSO HIFUMI BECAUSE I LOVE HIM (IF YOU WANT!) I will also send more questions in the morning too, excited to see what you’ve been working on!!

OK OK OK !!!!! AHH! So, before assigning talents, I swapped the pools, so for the first game, I use the talents from the second game, and vis versa! For some i listed gender, sexuality, or neurodivergencies, though this isn’t all of them, and I haven’t developed them all to the same level!

This is SO long. I didn’t even bother mentioning things like my plans for the killing games. (I have DR1 planned out in full, but only parts of DR2 and the v3 anime)

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT IN HAPPINESS WHEN I SAW I HAD NEW ASK NOTIFS!!

LIST:

Trigger Happy Havoc (first game)

Kyoko Kirigiri- Ultimate Luckster- Mastermind (: Sometimes lesbians can be evil okay! was trained as a detective like everyone in her family and didn’t get the ultimate :) she’s definitely not mad about that :) her luck cycle depends on how far she plans things ahead. her good luck is when she’s spontaneous! She hates when ‘normal’ people are accepted by ultimates.

Makoto Naegi- Photographer (Mostly wildlife and nature photography, with Sayaka helping him for some animal photography (: trans and bi <3 One of sayaka’s birds nests in his hair like all the time)

Kiyotaka Ishimaru- Ultimate Swordsman (AUTISTIC ICON, has trained in kendo since he was a kid, then was essentially given away to the Fujisaki clan by his very stressed dad. Semiverbal, rarely speaks.)

Chihiro Fujisaki- Ultimate Yakuza (Taka is her bodyguard! His family is in debt to hers, the Fujisaki clan is the most powerful in Japan. trans icon, of course, dates Sayaka! Very direct, though she’s far more delicate and polite when talking to taka, her best friend)

Sakura Oogami- Ultimate Nurse (Works as an EMT- her clan still is in martial arts, so she’s still very buff, she assists in injuries at the family dojo. Autistic Icon)

Asahina Aoi- Ultimate Gamer (ULTIMATE ADHD. streams and has a ton of fun, will ramble while breaking records, demigirl who loves her girlfriend sakura :)

Mukuro Ikusaba- Ultimate Chef (Works best with ‘cheap’ food, and making them taste good. a byproduct of growing up on the streets with junko, and junko being bored of the same old food they dug out of the trash. now works closely with junko for her teams’ nutritional needs! autistic and sapphic.)

Junko Enoshima- Ultimate Team Manager (there are SO many sports she can never get bored, and the professional scene is always changing! prefers coaching womens’ teams, because being an ultimate brings them more publicity and usually higher pay :)

Mondo Oowada- Ultimate Prince (OH MY BOY. trans adhd icon. now the crown prince of Novoselic, with a reagent in his place until he comes of age. His service dog Chuck is a maltese and an absolute sweetheart. Chihiro takes him under her wing to teach leadership. also dates taka later OF COURSE, though they’re poly and I may add more ppl to their relationship later.)

Celestia Ludenburg- Ultimate Musician (specializes in violin, most strings, though she can play any instrument. grew up poor, dedicated herself to an instrument and persona to cope)

Byakuya Togami- Ultimate Musician (Yep. two musicians. two catty trans gay icons about to throw down. they HATE each other and grew up as rivals. specialize in classical, they literally tore a professional orchestra full of grown adults apart trying to make them side with who was the best musician. they’re so good that they’re matched, and Hope’s Peak accepts them as one student and combined ultimate. they room together. they fight. Literally if one of them gets expelled, the other does too, so they’re STUCK. eventually they become literally inseparable and insufferable together like the WORST siblings. I love them.)

Sayaka Maizono- Breeder (animal handler) (Specializes in birds!!!!!! has songbirds on her shoulders all the time. will give unsettling animal facts without realizing they’re unsettling. sends her songbirds to serenade chihiro when they start dating <3)

Yasuhiro Hagakure- Gymnast (you see this tall goof who acts like an older brother to everyone and wonder HOW he’s a gymnast. he’s completely different in competitions, though still lighthearted. becomes a big brother figure to mukuro and junko especially <3 also trans bc i say so.)

Leon Kuwata- Traditional Dancer (he just. kinda hates it. it takes SO much work and effort but he takes to it naturally. his cousin kanon is NOT like in canon, instead she’s helpful. he’d literally rather be doing anything else. doesn’t know how to do anything like... basic either. can’t cook. cant do his own laundry. everything was dedicated to traditional japanese dancing before he attended HPA.)

Toko Fukawa- Engineer (writes schematics and is very good at it. gets VERY upset when her plans go wrong. her notes are orderly and perfect. host for their system!)

Syo- Mechanic (a factive of genocider syo, NOT an actual killer. she’s a protector mainly, and also is more adept at hands on skills when it comes to fixing things, her hands are less shaky. Her notes are a disaster and she does it to spite Toko.)

Hifumi Yamada- (???) (reserve course) Protagonist! My BOY. HIFUMI IS GOOD OKAY. He’s autistic and loves anime and gaming! he’s not particularly ultimate-leveled at them, or anything else! Attending Hope’s Peak as a reserve course student! At one point he joins the student council as a reserve course representative even if he’s only a freshman :) He’s also a moderator in Hina’s livestream chat, under the username of JusticeHammer, fastest ban hammer this side of the internet. He's internet friends with hina and sakura, and doesn’t realize Oh We Go To the same SCHOOL until he bumps into them. and realizes hina doesnt know what he looks like. but sakura does. its hilarious. he’s aroace, and during the year they’re locked in HPA, is in a queer platonic partnership with Hina and Sakura, while they’re dating each other. it’s great.)

Goodbye Despair! (second game)

Peko Pekoyama- Lucky student (ohohoh. her luck relies on her conviction. if she has doubts her bad luck strikes HARD. trans!, was taken in by Fuyuhiko’s family when she was a baby, grew up as just another kid in the family. They all expected Fuyu to go off to HPA on his own and then BOOM acceptance letter)

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu- Programmer (He. gets so angry while coding. He has an array of rubber ducks to talk to and work through his coding issues with. trans of course. Very protective of Peko when people say she doesn’t have a ‘real’ ultimate. ADHD and Autistic)

Sonia Nevermind- Writer (Literary Girl) (Her family immigrated to Japan when she was young! She writes a lot of serial killer novels, murder mysteries and horror and all that! Trans and bi :)

Gundham Tanaka- Detective (YEAH my guy is a detective. still talks Like That. Trans and bi and he and Sonia were kinda-dating (t4t autistic power couple in the making) when things started happening. He spends some time with his cool older sister who he looks up to a LOT. He and Sonia talk through things together a lot, they both have those red string walls, one for murder cases, another for a fictional plot lmao.)

Mahiru Koizumi- Moral Compass (my GIRL. autistic. Her morals rely a lot on people taking responsibility and being reliable, and she ends up having to work through some biases she didn’t realize she had when she arrived at HPA. Is still protective of Hiyoko, though that protectiveness is spread a bit thinner to extend to the rest of the class.)

Hiyoko Saionji- Clairvoyant!!! (HI YES I COULD TALK ABOUT HER FOR DAYS. Has actual visions in dreams and when she suddenly faints, but doesn’t really realize they’re uhh Real Visions for a WHILE. uses her status as an ultimate clairvoyant to trick and bully kids when in school for a LONG time, though her homelife wasn’t great with her grandmother trying to find ways to make her visions more consistent. SHES ALSO 12 WHEN SHE JOINS THE 77TH CLASS. she’s just so advanced in academics and her ultimate is so interesting hope’s peak cant HELP but scout her early. she has SO many issues guys no one appreciates hiyoko enough, autistic gifted kid hiyoko my beloved.)

Akane Owari- Gambler (started gambling to help out her family and Got Good at it. is very very conscious of money and food like all the time. Runs the hope’s peak betting pools once she arrives. these ultimates bet on a lot of things. she ALWAYS wins. until she doesnt!!!)

Mikan Tsumiki- Martial Artist (ohhhh Mikan. Still anxious and clumsy (though not like THAT in canon) and literally no one looks at her and thinks Oh The ULTIMATE martial artist?? it isn’t until you see her in the ring that you understand. She started learning self defense as a kid because her (bad) parents essentially said she had to rely on and protect herself and no one else would help.)

Kazuichi Souda- Pop Idol (OH TRANS ICON? he’s nervous and paranoid about Everything still, though now it’s like. oh the entire world is always watching my every move this is Okay (: has the brightest neon album eras. he literally keeps up a like. weird chad persona when interacting with people because he’s masking how hard he’s constantly just internally screaming.)

Nagito Komaeda- Soldier (AHAHAH my mans got issues problems disorder he’s a messssss, this trans guy, this absolute gay. this boy leveled a city of thousands of people with his own hands and some bombs. Still has medical issues, but most of his like. treatments and medicine is hold hostage as long as he stays in line. believes the ends justify the means and anyone who dies to him is obviously weak, because look at him! he’s weak, but that doesn’t matter because he doesn’t have to be the strongest, he just has to be stronger than the weakest scum.)

Chiaki Nanami- Heir (OOF. Agender, uses any pronouns. Doesn’t really. enjoy being the heir. grew up with Byakuya in the same circles. she treats the economy and stock market and stuff like games. enjoys gaming but isn’t good at them. collects so many things. has halls full of collections. Her parents stopped controlling her once she was able to prove she had more money than them and could literally bankrupt them if she wanted.)

Hajime Hinata- Baseball Star (Chiaki’s best friend, his family was upper middle class until he hit it BIG as a baseball star. wants to do BIG things and wants to attend hope’s peak more than anything!! Doesn’t really think of baseball as his THING, just a means to an end! trans :)

Teruteru Hanamura- Biker Gang Leader (started with shaking down some jerks who didn’t pay their food and drink tabs at his mama’s restaurant. now he RUNS their tiny town. His siblings are essentially gang mascots, he works hard to keep them out of trouble (while bringing them to like. meetings where he ends up beating a dude almost to death. its fine). most of what he does it to get more money to keep the restaurant afloat and care for his mama with her health conditions.)

Nekomaru Nidai- Fashionista (the drama. the CHAOS. most people are like ohhh we can never understand this artistic genius when he’s literally just. vibing and has ADHD and a love for coffee. Works a lot on accessible clothing lines for disabled people! Also he and Kazuichi work together sometimes, Nekomaru is good at calming Kaz down and seeing like, the root of whatever problem and making it better. ALSO A TRANS ICON and just flaunts it.)

Imposter- In the hope’s peak days they are impersonating Ryota Mitarai, as a part of the 77th class. In the Killing Game they impersonate Mondo Oowada as the Ultimate Prince. They’re doin’ their best.

Ibuki Mioda- (???) (Izuru Kamakura) Protagonist! Gundham Tanaka’s older sister (though they’re in the same school year). Nonbinary and using just. an array of pronouns alongside she/her, and jokingly fights with gundham for neopronouns like MOM said it’s MY TURN on the rawrself pronouns. She attends the reserve course to stay at her brother’s side. She dresses loudly and acts even louder because !!! she wants to stand out!! in the middle of this drab reserve course hell!! but when things go down, she wants to be someone, to be worthy of being her amazing brother’s big sister. so she accepts some offers.

NON-KILLING GAME:

Ryota Mitarai- Ultimate Analyst (stays in his room. He’s terrified of the outside world but fascinated by it. watches hope’s peak academy through security feeds, picking up on little details. he just wants to understand things but never looks at the big picture.)

Chisa Yukizome- Ultimate Boxer (Homeroom teacher!! She’s working really hard and believes in everyone! Some are intimidated by talent, but she’s never hurt anyone outside of the ring! Dating Kyosuke)

Juzo Sakakura- Ultimate Student Council President (Has anger issues, though his work at reigning them in assisted in becoming an Ultimate. Was responsible for security and the Hope’s Peak student council. Dating Kyosuke)

Kyosuke Munakata- Ultimate Housekeeper (Meticulous, works himself to the BONE even if he’s good enough to not have to do that. Is working on establishing another Hope’s Peak! Dating Chisa and Jozu!!!)

Seiko Kimura- Ultimate Blacksmith (GIVE MY GIRL KNIVES!! She’s an anxious gal, always wearing a facemask that filters the air in her forge because she has some respiratory problems. she prefers making more decorative pieces like an artist, but sometimes can create utilitarian pieces or tools to fit specific needs. Still a doormat)

Ruruka Ando- Ultimate Pharmacist (She constantly asks Seiko for new tools for her developments in medicine, saying its all for the advancement of humanity, so Seiko denying any request is SELFISH, though she never thinks to make anything for seiko’s health issues. Dating Izayoi. Specializes in medicine for mental health. Not Doing Great :)

Sonosuke Izayoi- Ultimate Confectioner (He loves sweets. LOVES them. Creates things that look plain, ordinary. but taste so GOOD you CRY and maybe ascend for a little bit. sometimes Ando makes cool new drugs to put in the sweets, who knows! It’s a mystery! He always has like. a huge refrigerated case of fresh cakes, and constantly has a lollipop in his own specialty recipe in his mouth.)

#ask #former-champion #danganronpa #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #super danganronpa 2 #I could tag every character but consider this: ITS 3 AM IT TOOK ME OVER AN HOUR TO WRITE THIS #not wizzy #dangan ronpa

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we-are-inevitable · 3 years

Text

new javid au?? you bet!!

hi ok so i thought of an au. basically a stereotypical hallmark movie but make it javid. this au featuures: jack “i was raised on a farm and practice saying important conversations to my cows” kelly and david “i went to college in a big city because i’m built different” jacobs

i might eventually write this out into a fic !! soooo,,

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:

the jacobs family lives in a small town in a southwestern state.

david jacobs is, of course, a bit of an outsider in the town. he's not interested in farming or country things, he's more into the Big Outside World and wants to study something that isn't very "traditional" for his area (i'm thinking comparative literature or journalism (with a minor in queer studies that he Does Not Talk About because Hello, Small Town!)

anyways he has a devoted friendgroup that he spends a lot of time with:

sarah (david's twin sister, who isn't afraid to get into trouble and has never been very 'ladylike'; plays softball and runs track with tony)

jack (latino farm boy with a heart of gold, a shitty father and a hidden artistic talent; basically the glue that holds the group together)

katherine (a girl who constantly feels trapped in a close-minded small town and wants to get out; also into journalism)

tony (who they call racetrack because he's an all-state cross country runner; biggest dumbass but can solve any math problem ever)

sean (he's basically a god on the football field; extremely intelligent, can play at least 6 instruments; called 'spot' bc Freckles)

charlie (Literally The Best Human Ever; student council president, National Honor Society president, also in drama)

and albert (probably a stoner but he's chill and legitimately the funniest person; troublemaker but also a literal golden retriever)

there's more of them that float between friend groups, but, of course, Davey, Sarah, Jack, Katherine, Tony, Sean, Charlie, and Albert are the "core" friends.

but. surprise: davey is the only one who goes out of state for college.

the rest split up, but stay in state. Jack goes to a trade school (he takes welding courses at the local vo-tech), Tony and Sean end up going to a community college together about 30 minutes away from home, albert goes straight into the workforce under a relative's wing, and charlie, kath, and sarah all go to a big university about 3 hours away from home.

but not davey. no, davey goes to a school in new york, just because he needs to get away from everything.

because davey goes to school on the other side of the country, he rarely gets the chance to come home. this, of course, means that he slowly drifts away from all of his high school friends- aside from sarah, obviously, because he still sees family a lot, but he doesn't talk to anyone else that often... especially jack.

now, jack and david were never a "thing," but there was always some underlying tension. longing stares, late night talks on the roof of jack's barn, hangouts at the diner in town. they were inseperable, pretty much. by far the closest friends out of the group... until jack and katherine started dating. and, yeah, david is happy for them. he's so happy for them- he jumps up and down and screams and shouts when kath and jack show up to school one day holding hands- because jack and katherine have been his closest friends for YEARS. they’re their own little subgroup- Jack, Kath, and Davey- and they go pretty much everywhere together. sometimes sarah tags along too, so david isn't third wheeling, but most of the time it's just the three of them.

but it hurts so much, because david likes jack. but jack is apparently straight. so david goes away. goes to a school across the country instead of, yknow, facing his feelings.

FAST FORWARD TO ABOUT TEN YEARS LATER!!!

david is a successful 28 year old. after graduating from college (where he ended up double majoring in english and journalism, with a minor in queer studies), he works for a publishing company and has a pretty cushy job as an editor or something, idk yet, and he's doing really, really well for himself- until one day, he gets a call from his mom, Esther, and finds out that his father is sick. sicker than he should be, really, and they're just now convincing him to get checked out.

of course, after hearing the news, David is torn. his family is from a small town, so job opportunities are hard to come by... but regardless, within a little over a week, David has moved back home to help take care of things.

pretty soon, david has a job. thanks to his background knowledge in journalism and his writing ability, he's able to score a job from Joseph Pulitzer, who runs a few newspapers in their town and others in the surrounding area. he feels like he's gotten a whole new start from the past he disliked so much, until it all comes back to bite him in the ass when he runs into Jack Kelly at the co-op.

"Davey?"

"Wha-- Oh! Jack?"

"Good to see ya, man! What are ya doin' back?"

"I moved back a few weeks ago. Missed home, you know?"

"Just couldn't stay away, could ya?"

"Guess not."

they talk for a few minutes, but eventually have to split apart- jack has to get his feed back to the farm before his girls, aka: his cows, get angry, and davey has to get the chicken scratch back home before esther maims him. they exchange numbers, though, and promise to catch up sometime soon.

after that encounter, Jack Kelly ends up showing up a lot more often. davey sees him all the time without meaning to. in line at the grocery store, at the co-op, stopped next to him at the one stoplight in the middle of town- everywhere. they're never able to talk, though; not until one evening, davey gets a call from jack.

at first, conversation is a bit tense- but only because it's been so long since they've talked. once the ball gets rolling, though, they're laughing and carrying on like they never stopped talking. when the conversation calms down a bit, jack asks davey if he'd like to come over.

"i'd love to, if your wife doesn't mind having a guest, of course."

"i... actually don't have a wife."

"oh-- oh, i'm sorry, i just assumed-"

"nah, it ain't nothin' to twist yourself up about. you know where i live, yeah? swing by 'round seven."

"sounds like a plan."

and that's how davey finds out that jack owns the land that his father's farm was on. the house, though, is different- and he soon realizes that jack has completely remodeled. the porch isn't rotting anymore, and the yard is green and trimmed, and the pond out in the back yard doesn't look god-awful anymore, much to davey's delight.

dinner goes off without a hitch. everything goes right, just like old times. they swap college stories. jack tells davey about inheriting the farm and making it his own (likely to scrub every piece of his father out of his life), while davey tells jack about the big city and how different it is being home. it's nice. comfortable. familiar.

jack and davey try to meet up as often as they can after that night, which is difficult considering their schedules, but they somehow make it work. they make it really work, in fact- they have dinner twice a week (usually with some old friends), they fish together (read: jack fishes while david sits on the back of his truck and talks to him), and they even go to rodeos and football games together (to look back on they're youth, of course).

one night, about a week before jack's 29th birthday, they meet up at the bar in town and spend hours drinking beer and whiskey and talking about life. once they make it back to jack's house, they continue talking on the couch, but talking turns into cuddling ("just for old time's sake") and cuddling turns into confessions ("i only dated those girls because i thought it would help me get over you") and confessions turn into tears ("when he found out, he kicked me out of the house") and tears turn into promises ("i loved you then, jack, and i'll love you now") and promises turn into more.

eventually, more turns a knee on a ground and a ring on a hand. eventually, a ring on a hand turns into a wedding. eventually, a wedding turns into memories, years down the line, while sitting on an old porch swing and watching grandchildren play in the front lawn.

the end !!!!

#FUCK i love this #like. i love this #i had so much fun writing this #i love THEM!!!!#pls reblog i spent so much time on this #Newsies #Javid #david jacobs #davey jacobs #jack kelly #newsies musical #newsies broadway #livesies #jac writes #jac txt.

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