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#i get choked up about that poem
luxlightly · 2 years
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It always upsets me so much when I see interpretations/illustrations of the two headed calf poem that show a living calf being torn away from its mother and killed to sell to a museum and framing the poem as being "humanity kills beautiful things for being different".
Two headed cows almost never survive more than a few hours after their birth. The farmer finds the *body* the next day. The calf was destined to die, and that's a tragedy, but for the time it was alive, it had a beautiful and unique experience.
It's not a poem about the cruelty of man. It's a poem about the beauty of life in an indifferent universe. It's about purpose and beauty being able to exist even in an existence doomed to come to an end, as all our lives are. It's not a poem about how a calf dies, but how, even for only a brief moment, it was alive.
And, for that moment, because of that life, however fleeting, the sky had twice as many stars.
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depresseddepot · 1 year
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what is it about certain types of songs that make it feel like my soul is being pulled out of my body by some strong magnet. my liberation notes by choi jung in and outro by m83 and overture 2 by sleeping at last and sora tsutsumi by masakatsu takagi and across the ocean by azure ray and i stand corrected by vampire weekend and unbearably white by vampire weekend and lullaby by lord huron and where's my love by syml and take me back by heroe and the animal crossing wild world opening screen soundtrack. there's something to be said about the heartache that comes from a beautiful, loud, emotional ballads but it's the quiet, peaceful ones that really seem to get me
#ive been drinking so maybe this makes no sense#if you want a quick example of what i mean then listen to the first 30 seconds of my liberation notes by choi jung in#after that listen to overture 2 by sleeping at last if you want more#after THAT move on to outro by m83#anyways I realize the reason all these songs get me choked up is purely circumstantial#like my liberation notes wouldn't make me feel nearly as much if i hadn't watched the show (PLEASE watch it)#(seriously its on netflix and the writer is so so so talented. if you like these songs at all you'd love that show (probably))#or like the acww soundtrack. that is so very specific to my world experience lol#but is there a genre name for these types of songs??? the slow calm and very subtle instrumentals/mostly piano??#some of these are a little different than the others (the vampire weekend ones are a bit more fast paced than the others)#but the beginning of i stand corrected (the humming) makes me so so so relaxed#and the repeating towards the end of unbearably white is so soothing#ugh. its so hard having such great music taste /j#also please listen to across the ocean by azure ray. and please watch coffee prince#if i keep putting requests out into the universe maybe one day someone will actually care about me enough to do so#please engage with me. please engage with me. please engage with me. please engage with me.#my interests are so so important to me. please engage with me#it's never actually happened (someone engaging w something i desperately care about) but. maybe one day idk#its like that poem about how she gave him book recommendations and he read them and kept asking for more#thats what i want. i just want someone to indulge me#please engage with me#sorry#vent
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kweerkitten · 4 months
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feral-ballad · 1 month
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“My name is Nour Saqer, for the name remains when all is lost. I turned 22 years old last November. Yes. My youthful time was wasted on horrible days. Yes. Those days still continue.
My name is Nour Saqer. And I am 22 years old. I am a fifth-year dental student at Al-Azhar University of Gaza. I am an aspiring student. I am eager and passionate about my studies. Until the last minute, I was allowed to stay at my house on Oct. 7th. 2023 I was still working on a scientific research proposal that was supposed to be published by me and my teammates of young researchers late in November, that year.
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This picture of me was taken late 2022 during an international dental conference held in campus.
During my college years alone. Me and my family have had to forcefully evacuate, and run out of our house four times. In 2019, 2021, 2022, and finally in 2023. Each time was in fear of the same threat; meeting our deaths under rubble. My name is Nour Saqer. And I have always been a Gazan. Each of those past times. If we were fortunate enough, we would discover that our home was in repairable damage. There would be a roof over our heads still. We were still fortunate. We still had luck.
But ever since October 7th. I haven't returned home. We were among the first families to evacuate Al-Rimal neighborhood from the very first day of this genocide, we had to turn our backs to it and expect no return. Two floors of my family house, along with my father's store, and only source of income, have been severely destructed due to neighboring missiles. And my university buildings were heavily exploded. All forms of life have been reaped from my city. My hometown.
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This is what's left of our campus. I was supposed to have my graduation ceremony here.
My name is Nour Saqer. And I had an enthusiastic heart. And an energetic body. I played sports and walked down every street until I couldn't. I loved my family and friends dearly. I wrote poems about them. I spent time loving them and cherishing their presence. I loved life with all its little things. With all its unattainable things. I loved the grass and the tall buildings. And I loved all people. I loved my people. All their faces. All their talents. All their hidden lives. All we shared. Until we didn't. Everything I have ever loved I lost.
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This picture of me was taken during a happy moment on the roof of our house.
This is all that is left of that picture now.
I am currently sheltered in Rafah with my family of 7. Sharing a place with 30 other homeless people. By the end of Ramadan, me and my family would have to evacuate and seek shelter for yet the 8th time due to housing problems. I am so tired of not having any sense of stability. Nothing to guarantee. Nothing to call my own. Every passing minute the situation in Rafah gets worse. Every passing minute I am losing loved ones and relatives. Every passing minute costs me my sanity. Costs me health. Costs me my basic rights to simply live.
I have nothing left to lose or pay the price with except for my life.
I don’t know how to retell my life story in limited words, how to make the most ordinary moments sound precious. How do I equate my value to someone deserving a life of safety? How do I shape myself as someone worth saving?
I have been interviewing myself for days. All my stories are choking me. All my grief is piling up and muting me. I keep trying to find a way to present the best of myself. To make myself someone you'd want to look at. Listen to. And even more,
Help.
I am finally placing both hope and faith in your helpful hands. I am asking you. Please put an end to this continuing tragedy. And help me get to safety. Before it's too late.
It should be in your knowledge that:
It costs $5,000 per person to get out of Rafah through the Boarder Crossing to Egypt. The rest of the donations will be to secure my tution money for the fifth and final year of dental school.
Thank you.”
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lild00td00t · 7 months
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Hi, I hope you are doing well! Can I request headcanons on how Crocodile, Buggy, Mihawk and Doflamingo would propose to their s/o or how they would react if their s/o was the one to propose to them? (Which ever you feel like is fine! :))
Have a great day!
One Piece War Lords: Proposing to their S/O
This was so adorable thank you for requesting the War Lords!! I’ll have to write a part 2. Buggy was honestly my favorite for a bit… 👉🏻👈🏻 but these are gonna be so HELLA friggin cheesy. I’m a hopeless romantic.. so please… COURT ME LIKE WE’RE IN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE.
Buggy
• He’s so nervous, his hands are clammy, even on the inside of his gloves sweat is lining along the fabric of them. He’s talked it over to himself multiple times, rationalizing the best and worst case scenario.
• He can’t help but melt when he sees you with the promise ring he gifted. He sweats bullets when you tease him about getting married… at dinner he nearly choked, and poor Mr.3 nearly had a heart attack just trying to dislodge the food that got caught in his throat. But he felt like that a majority of the times you discussed it. Like something was lodged in his throat and cutting off his air.
• So when you’re watching the crew bring a haul back on the ship, hands on your hips in a relaxed stance, you barely notice when he slips a ring on your finger, and he discreetly prays you don’t say anything about it until you screech and throw your arms around him, his body probably splits in 2 out of shock- this poor man -
• “ How does it feel knowing you’re going to be married to the future pirate king ?! Flashy ?! As it should feel?! “ Then the second you romanticize over the idea he practically hemorrhages 🥲
Mihawk
• The most poetic. God - he probably leaves you little poems every where, and they’re all based on you <3
• Your dates are so adorable. Like picnics, or going on row boats. It’s so quiet on the water, so you don’t notice when he slips down on one knee, clasping your hands in his while presenting a ring.
• You nearly flip the boat when you finally comprehend what’s happening but luckily your better half is much more calm and collected.. he was prepared for this reaction.. atleast he thinks he was -
• He kisses your knuckles, then overlaps your hands with his and holds them to his heart
• “ It seems as though the love saga of my poems will continue until death do us part…“
Crocodile
• Posessive..
• He truly is materialistic and is telling the truth. You genuinely will get what you want. But he can see it in your eyes that you’re not after his money, or his valuables or even his status. He can see the way you adoringly look up to him when he talks. And he’s not used to such an innocent form of love you offer.
• He feels that you must be protected, for what you make him feel is vulnerability. Which scares him. Because no one has ever made him feel that way before. So when the time is right, most likely on a starry night when you’re on a walk he’ll stop, just long enough to kneel and pull out the box, just long enough for you to realize what he’s doing. And with that, he confesses his love
• “ With this ring, you are mine.. whatever you want you can have. You will always be treated with my respect and my love, nothing will ever be enough to satiate how I feel for you. No amount of gold compares to that ring on your finger, for it holds the greatest power in all the world.. my promise to you. “
Doflamingo
• Like crocodile he’s possessive.. but with a sweet?? Spin ?? To it ???
• The moment he slips the ring on your finger he brings your hand to his lips for a sweet kiss, giving you that bone chilling smile while keeping his lips pressed to your skin.
• He doesn’t make a big, fancy show out of it. Because he knows that you don’t need everyone to know. It’s obvious that you’re his
• You listen when he talks. You’re never put off by his nightmares or bad moods. You urge him to talk about his brother and family. You talk about starting a new one… as a second chance.
• “ A second chance for the Heavenly Demon.. “ he thinks to himself, lost in thought. You weren’t scared to say that he was flawed, but it didn’t matter, because you could work on it together
• “ As long as you are mine, you will be taken care of and no one, I mean no one, will ever mistreat you ever again, lest they want my wrath… “ And he means it. He means every word of it. He would wage wars in your name, bring cities to the ground, and split the ocean in two if he could, unlike crocodile, who is alittle more materialistic with his promises. <3
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coco-loco-nut · 26 days
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Look for the Light
Pairing: Oscar Piastri x Best Friend!Reader
Summary: You are Oscar’s best friend, but when you get sick, how is he going to cope
TW: cancer, death, grief
You will probably cry, I did while writing it at 3am
Based off of the song from Only Murders in the Building
requests are open! masterlist
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Being Oscar’s best friend was the best thing you had achieved in your life, and you made sure the both of you knew it. You grew up a few houses from each other and from the moment you both met, you were inseparable. Spending your childhood on the beach, playing and having adventures of a lifetime. He never minded going to explore with you, especially the lighthouses, they fascinated you. The silent call, the notion of looking for safety, looking for the light. Oscar adored that about you, it’s why he always wanted to spend time with his best friend.
That didn’t stop when Oscar started karting, in fact, you were his number one supporter. As his career took off, he never missed a chance to hang out with you, nor you with him. Some of his friends back home throughout the years teased him about your relationship, but both of you knew that there was nothing more to it other than the tight knit bond, once that was more akin to siblings than romantic.
It was one early fall weekend that you both were on the beach, near your favorite lighthouse when you collapsed. It shifted your worlds forever. Oscar became more reserved and you spent more and more time in the hospital for treatments.
It was cancer, caught early and quickly curable, plus, you were young and healthy, at least that’s what the doctor said. That’s what you all thought. The doctor was right, at least the first time.
You stopped going to his races, falling out of the racing world’s eye, but the bond between you was stronger than ever, especially as his career took off even more. When you ended up in treatment for the second time, he was even more determined to spend time with you. Even now, he sits by your bedside watching a race. He looks at you closely, your skin losing some color and the adventurous spark dimmed in your eyes.
“I love you, Y/n. I’m scared, I can’t lose you,” Oscar admits one day. You both knew what he meant. You are basically his sister.
“Os, it’s ok. I am too, but we gotta be brave,” you choke a little, tears welling in your eyes. The spark in your eyes has all but dimmed out, you find it harder to get through each day.
Oscar is getting his first real shot at F1, but he doesn’t want to miss a moment with his best friend, the one who he has vet every girl he’s dated, because if anyone knows him best, it’s you. The one person he can keep private from his public life, he can hide your pain and suffering from his crazy world.
“It’s not fair,” his eyes well up. The air is thick, the looming darkness has been settling in, the both of you don’t want to acknowledge the truth of it.
“Oscar,” your frail hand grabs his. “I love you, you are my brother, my closest friend, and I am incredibly grateful that you are in my life. Now, adventure is calling, so go and be brave,” you give him your best smile, not wanting to waste his F1 Australia debut, in Melbourne nonetheless, worrying.
“Y/n, I’ll wait by the shore for you,” he says, and you squeeze his had tighter.
“My love is a lighthouse, look for the light,” you whisper. He glances at the clock and with a heavy heart leaves the room to go to the track. Socials think that he is just going charity visits this week since he is home, but the man is so reserved even Lando can’t get him to talk. He calls every night, and you demand to have the races on while you write in your notebook.
Your family is in the room with you, you had taken a turn for the worse overnight but you didn’t want to worry Oscar, not when the race in Melbourne was today, not when you knew what it meant to him. You finished the poem you were writing as there were ten laps left, the strength to write leaving you.
Your mom tried not to cry as she took the notebook and pen from you, your dad slipping beside you in the bed, holding onto his baby. Your mom called Oscar’s mom, who immediately picked up, knowing what the mid-race call meant.
“It’s time. She wrote to Oscar, and I don’t think she will make it past his media right after the race,” your mom chokes out, tears flowing as she hangs up and gets on the other side of you.
“Look Mom! Oscar is in the points, he made it to P8,” you smile at her weakly, your dad filming your reaction to Oscar crossing the line, but he quickly stops it when your monitor blinks irregularly. A nurse rushes in, having talked with you and your family about this moment earlier in the morning. She pushes medicine so you will be able to step into the light without pain, without suffering.
“It doesn’t hurt, I promise. Tell Oscar I love him, and thank you for every moment. I love you both, thank you for choosing me as your child and loving me forever. I will love you beyond my last breath. Look for the light. Will you sing the song to me?” You ask your mom, tears streaming down your face with a small smile.
“Hush little one, let me sing you to sleep. Moonlight has come so drift off to a dream. Sail from the day to the wonders awaiting you out there, in the deep. Off little one, chase the wind on the wave, adventure is calling so go and be brave. But if you get lost as your tossed in the dark of the sea, look for me,” your mom sings the haunting lullaby, watching your breathing slow. On the TV, the camera pans to Oscar celebrating with his team. Your eyes glimmer with happiness for the last time.
“No, baby, no,” your mom pleads, your dad pulls you tighter into him. With the last bit of energy you can muster, you squeeze their hands as your eyes close and a shuttering breath leaves your body. The screams of a mother can be heard over the flatline. The nurse unplugs your machine as another makes a phone call to Oscar’s mom, something you asked a while ago privately, knowing your parents would be too distraught. The nurses follow your wishes with heavy hearts.
———
Oscar gets back to his driver’s room with a large smile on his face, having just celebrated with the team and gone through media. The first thing he sees is his Mom’s tear stained cheeks and he drops his helmet.
“No,” he whispers.
“She’s gone, Os,” his mom cries, pulling him into a hug. His body wracks with sobs. Lando sees the two and quickly leaves, having intended on congratulating his teammate, but now going to inform the team that Oscar won’t be doing press. Lando wasn’t sure what happened, but he knew it had to be personal and that was enough.
“She’s not gone, she’s not,” Oscar says after a minute. His mom wipes a tear off and looks at him with a mix of pity, sorrow, and compassion. “NO,” Oscar yells, his grief taking over, he slumps on the couch, sobbing more. The light house trinket you gifted him years ago sits on a table, a glint of sun shining off the top, as if to provide a comfort, a goodbye.
“I’m sorry. She asked me not to talk you it got worse last night. Her mom called during the race to let me know,” his mom says gently a few minutes later. Social media buzzes as pictures of Oscar’s tear stained face as he left the paddock spreads and speculation grows, but he stays silent.
The funeral is quick, small, near the beach that is home to your favorite lighthouse. It’s more of a memorial, your family having chosen to go with a closed casket burial because you didn’t want to be remembered in that state. So here Oscar is, outside Cape Otway, sitting on a rock, your unopened letter in his hand. It’s two pages, and he hasn’t had the strength to open the folded pages. He looks at the sunset, it’s rays washing over him. The ocean seems to tell him to open the letters.
Oscar,
Words cannot describe how proud I am of you. My best friend achieved his dream, what more can I ask for? More time? No. It’s odd, writing a letter about my own death. I can only assume how you feel. I’m sorry that I left you, but I never truly did. I’m in the light, I went peacefully and painlessly, surrounded by love. The sunset you see, the stars shining on you, a ray of sunshine bouncing off of something, that’s me. Don’t wait forever by the shore for me, you don’t need to weather each storm, standing by until I return. I will always be with you. Don’t be afraid to grieve, share my light wherever you go, keep me with you and alive in spirit. I love you, my best friend and brother.
Your lighthouse, beyond my last breath,
Y/n
Oscar moves your letter behind the next, his eyes looking at the poem, this one’s writing significantly harder to read. Your weak state evident in the messy lines, but it’s perfect to him.
Os- I finished the lullaby, find comfort in it when you miss me. Look for the light
Hush, little one, let me sing you to sleep
Moonlight has come, now, drift off to a dream
Sail from the day to the wonders awaiting you out there
In the deep
Off little one, chase the wind on the waves
Adventure is calling, so go and be brave
But if you get lost as you're tossed in the dark of the sea
Look for me
I will wait at the shore for you
I will weather each storm standing by 'til
Safe, you return from the night
My love is a lighthouse
So look for the light
The light
I will wait at the shore for you
I will weather each storm standing by 'til
Safe, you return from the night
My love is a lighthouse
So look for the light
The light
Oscar sniffles, carefully pocketing the papers. He pulls out his phone and watches the video he hasn’t dared to open until now, the one your father sent to him, a smile gracing his face as he sees you cheer as he crosses the line, but it drops as he hears the beeping before the video cuts. He looks up at the lighthouse for a minute, taking a picture for his personal memorial, before returning home. He changes his helmets to include a lighthouse, refusing to put one on that doesn’t.
The drivers and the McLaren team notice a shift in the driver when he appears in Baku. Lando takes it upon himself to try and get information from Oscar but fails. Instead Oscar turns to Pierre, Mick, and Charles.
“Her name was Y/n, she was my best friend, my sister. She died shortly after I crossed the finish line in Melbourne,” tears sting the young drivers eyes as he lays out his grief to the two drivers who know his pain better than anyone. Mick encourages Oscar to share the good, not the illness. It isn’t much, but the driver’s spirit has lifted a little bit, and the four agree to share their grief with each other more often, finding a healthy outlet with each other.
Lando only praised his teammate for his strength when asked about that Melbourne day, and reiterated that private matters were just that, private. Shortly after talking with the other three, Oscar sat Lando, Andrea Stella, and Zak down and let them know the basics of what happened.
“I’m sorry man, I didn’t even know you had someone that close to you,” Lando put a hand on Oscar’s shoulder. Oscar looks at the sunset with a sad smile.
“It’s ok, she’s here,” Oscar says, a hand over the lighthouse on his helmet.
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oscarpiastri 2 April 2023 • I will wait by the shore for you, look for the light
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hyunfilms · 7 months
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connected (hhj) | one shot.
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—summary: a night alone at the bar leads you to a beautiful man named hyunjin.
—pairing: hwang hyunjin x f. reader
—genre: (18+) strangers to lovers | fluff, smut
—word count: 5.6k
—content/warnings: love at first sight kinda thing? soulmates if you really squint, was kinda inspired reading yung pueblo's poem (his poem isnt available anymore rip), cussing, model/artist hyunjin, oc and hyunjin are completely enamored by each other & hyunjin got googly eyes hehe, he is very sweet and a gentleman though, alcohol consumption, intoxication, kisses/making out, protected sex, praising, oral (f. receiving), fingering, sprinkle of spit play, ass-smacking, breast play, sprinkle of choking, missionary, doggy style 🤓 woof, multiple orgasms (like 2 lol), after care and cuddles, lightly edited so i apologize if i miss anything!!, very self-indulgent and just something i needed to write out 😭
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—ON ROTATION: fwm - tone stith / for us - v
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Sleepless nights.
It’s another one of those sleepless nights— for him, for her, for many people, for you.
Your business trip to Paris was coming to an end tonight; an early AM flight scheduled in the morning to bring you back to your beautiful, but also mundane life in California. Although grateful for the opportunity to travel here and explore for a week and a half, you were ready to get back to the familiar. The familiar places, the familiar faces, familiar routine. You sigh at the thought, finishing up your cocktail at the bar while scrolling through social media. 
“Another one, miss?” The bartender comes to you with a small smile on his face.
“Please. Thank you.” You nod and reciprocate the smile, eyes now glancing around the room as you feel the alcohol slowly running through your veins. The bar was beautifully decorated in dark, elegant decor, lights dimmed throughout the entire room. Luckily for you, your hotel room was only a few floors up— making it incredibly easy for you to enjoy yourself and let loose; something you haven’t been able to do while being bombarded with coworkers and a tight agenda.
Your eyes fall onto the couple just a table or two away. They’re enjoying their drinks, though their eyes say they’re bored and over each other with the way they can’t keep eye contact for longer than 2 seconds. Then, your eyes fall onto the lady in the far corner who is typing furiously away on her phone. Your eyes shift to the gentleman all the way down on the other end of the bar, repeatedly looking down at his watch before bringing the phone to his ear for the umpteenth time; probably waiting on a date that never showed up when they said they would.
“Whiskey on the rocks, please?” Your eyes now fall onto the tall, attractive man that slides into the empty seat next to you— setting his bag onto the surface before letting out a heavy sigh. He’s in a black sweater, slacks and black chelsea boots, and you can’t help but notice how everything sits on his figure so, so perfectly. Hair pulled back in a neat ponytail, a few bangs framing the sides of his face; freshly shaved undercut. His tongue quickly swipes the surface of his pink, plump lips before he thanks the bartender and sips on his drink— you’re sure you’ve never seen anybody so perfectly sculpted.
Was this a cruel joke?
“Your cocktail, miss.” You thank the bartender again before shyly sipping on your second glass of the night, trying to keep to your own space.
“Sorry, hope someone wasn’t sitting here already.” He suddenly says, making you turn towards him. There’s really no one else around but you two; perhaps, another individual a few seats down, and that gentleman at the end still waiting on his date. 
“Oh, um. No.” You give him a toothless smile. “You’re good.”
“Cool.” Is all he says before chugging the whiskey in his glass, asking for another round. “It’s been a long night. Wanna take a shot with me?” He turns to you again, licking his lips yet again. “No pressure.” You keep your eyes on him as you think about your next move. He is an attractive man, a harmless one at that. 
It’s your last night in Paris, what do you have to lose?
“Sure.” You shrug. “Why not?”
“Nice to know you’re down.” He laughs a bit before calling the bartender and asking for two shots. “What’s your poison?”
“Tequila.” He pokes his bottom lip out before nodding in agreement.
“Two shots of tequila it is, then.”
“Didn’t you just down some whiskey? That’s a little dangerous.” He laughs before turning in his seat to face you.
“Don’t worry about me sweetheart, I’m staying here.” Crazy, you think. Out of all the times to bump into someone who is also staying at this hotel. “What about you?”
“I’m here, too.” You sip on your drink some more.
“Then we’ll enjoy it.” He flashes his pearly whites when he smiles. “Hyunjin.” He holds out his hand.
“Y/N.”
“Pleasure to meet you.” He caresses the surface of your hand with his thumb just as the bartender comes back with two shot glasses filled to the brim with tequila. The bartender points to your cocktail with a smirk.
“Need a refill to wash down the tequila, or do you need something else?”
“I should be good. Thanks.” He winks before tending to the others down the line.
“So, Y/N. Where are you from?”
“California. What about you?”
“Seoul.”
“Nice. One of my friends moved there recently.” You quickly think about Lola, hoping she’s doing okay. Mental note to send her a message on Kakao later. “What brings you here?”
“Mm, probably the same reason as you.” Hyunjin smirks.
“Work?” He nods.
“See. Already have something in common.” You chuckle a bit, biting onto your bottom lip. “How long are you here for?”
“I’ve been here for close to two weeks. I’m heading back tomorrow morning.”
“Shame.” He does a slight head tilt. “We probably could have had fun exploring together.” You cock an eyebrow up before letting out a giggle.
“You think I’d be fun to explore with? A stranger?”  Hyunjin grabs his shot glass while gently pushing yours over to you.
“I mean, you were down to take a shot with me. Why wouldn’t you be?” He raises his shot glass. “Cheers, Y/N.” You take your shot glass and tap it against his, the both of you taking the shot to the neck. Hyunjin makes a face [that probably mirrors yours right now] before sipping on a soda as chase. You squint your eyes as the burn lingers down your throat, immediately reaching for your cocktail to chase the rest down— which is definitely not the best choice of action here.
But, you’re enjoying the night. The last night. 
With a beautiful, beautiful man next to you.
“Atta girl.” He laughs.
“Haven’t done that in awhile.”
“Feels kinda liberating in a sense, hm?” He teases. “Since I’m working with a deadline here, let’s get another round going while you tell me about yourself.”
“Another?”
“Last. Promise.” He winks.
“Hm.” You hum. “What can I tell you?” You ask, even though you mainly mean that question for yourself. What can you tell Hyunjin that is enough, and not too much?
“Why someone like you doesn’t have anyone by your side tonight?” He shrugs. “Or, anything. Everything, really. That works, too.” Hyunjin runs his finger along his bottom lip.
“Someone like me? Are you always this forward?” You tilt your head, already starting to feel the shot and cocktail. You like the way his eyes are glued on you, you like the way he says your name. You like the way he’s being forward, you like the way he looks tonight. You like him, you take interest in him.
He is exciting.
“No, but it’s the deadline.” He reminds you, making you snort.
“Well. It’s because I just don’t have anyone by my side in general.” You answer his question with a chuckle. “Just a 24 year old in tech, visiting their Paris office for another project.” You swirl the stirrer in your cocktail. “What about you? What brings you here?”
“Just a 23 year old dabbling in some art stuff. Some Fashion stuff.” He laughs, red tint coloring the surface of his cheeks just as the bartender brings another round of tequila shots. “Nothing too fancy.”
‘It sounds fancy.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” He answers with another one of his cryptic responses, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Ready for round two?”
“Maybe, maybe not.” You mock him and he laughs, passing your shot glass.
“Cute.” He taps his shot glass against yours, giving you a nod of acknowledgment before you two are repeating the process— knocking the shot back, relieving the burn with some sort of chase, giggling at how quick the alcohol is hitting you both. You are drunk, and you should’ve eaten a bit more before this. Fuck. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“If you couldn’t tell already, I think you’re really, really pretty.”
“Is that so?” He nods cutely, and it makes you laugh.
“Mhm. So I mean it when I say I wanna know all about you.”
“You don’t give up, do you?” He shakes his head.
“Nah.” He smiles, bottom lip in between his teeth as he eyes your features. “So, what is Y/N all about?” He sits back a bit while his gaze lingers on you, your eyes. The tip of your nose. Your lips. Your long, beautiful lashes.
He is paying attention to every word that slips from your lips, watching your hand gestures as you quickly explain your family dynamics and how you’ve grown up in a quiet household— always remaining quiet, shy and kept to yourself even until this day. You tell him about your friends back home, how you love to stay at home and be a homebody, how you occasionally find the energy to haul yourself out for long, but fun nights with your girls. You also [drunkenly] stumble upon the topic of exes, which you don’t normally open up about right away. But you’re a few shots in, and it doesn’t help that Hyunjin is actually showing interest in you.
He hasn’t taken his eyes off of you, and he doesn’t plan to.
“Yeah, we’re not really friends or anything like that anymore.” You blabber on. “He blocked me everywhere. Which, you know—” You hiccup, a bit more drunk than you were 5 minutes ago. “I kinda don’t care because he shouldn’t be asking to look through my phone every time I go out. I fucking left after that. No sir, not me. No thanks.” Hyunjin laughs, endeared by how quick you’ve opened up to him. He appreciates it, and he does enjoy the way you talk about life; even if you may view it as simple, quiet.
“You’re right for having left him.” Hyunjin leans forward a bit. “It’s not fair, especially when you’ve never given him a reason to distrust you. You deserve better than that.”
“You think so?” You chuckle.
“Mhm.” 
“Sorry, I totally went off and probably told you a lot more than you should know at this point.” He shakes his head. “What about you, Hyunjin?”
“No, I like hearing you talk. You’re very cute.” He laughs. “I’m not that interesting.”
“Really? I think you are.” You rest your chin on the palm of your hand.
“Yeah?” He smirks. “I just paint. A lot. I do some photoshoots. That’s all.”
“So are you like .. an artist, or something? A model?” He shrugs.
“I’m just Hyunjin.” He smiles. “But, I guess so? You can say that. I don’t have lots of friends, people oddly find me intimidating but I don’t care much to fix that either. I do stick to a few of them, we hang out often. I haven’t dated in awhile either, wasn’t really a priority for me.”
“Why did your last relationship end?” You internally curse yourself for fixing on that one detail out of everything else he’s mentioned. But, he doesn’t seem to mind. Spoiler: he doesn’t.
“Just didn’t click well like we thought we would.”
“I’m sorry.” He smiles.
“Don’t be. I like where I’m at.” 
“That’s all that matters, right?”
“Yeah. Especially right now.” You cock a brow up, head tilting to the side again.
“Right now?”
“Mhm, with you. A few shots and drinks down, pondering on life. My kinda evening. Makes me not regret a thing about coming here.”
“You’re funny.” 
“And you’re pretty.” He licks his bottom lip and bites onto it. His hand is only a few inches away from yours, pinky dying to reach out and pull your hand into his— wanting to playfully lace his fingers with yours. He’s not sure what it is, but he was drawn to you from the very moment he stepped into the bar. He smiled a bit to himself when he saw you people-watching, keeping to yourself as you sipped your drink and continued to scroll through your phone. You were totally oblivious to him from the beginning, and that was okay. Hyunjin wanted to quietly slip himself into the equation and find more subtle ways to talk to you, get to know you.
And he doesn’t regret a fucking thing.
He might be drunk, but he means it. He hasn’t ever felt this comfortable with a stranger, someone he met not too long ago. And that says a lot for him; it says a lot about you, your character. Meanwhile, you don’t think you’ll ever understand how someone like Hyunjin decided to waltz in and take this seat next to you at the time that he did. You’ll never understand the timing of everything, how the universe works and why it had to be a beautiful man like Hyunjin who found you first. But, you also don’t regret a damn thing, and you’re glad you decided to head to the bar tonight— especially alone.
When you meet Hyunjin’s eyes, it’s obvious that he’s feeling something— but that’s not the problem, no. You’re dying to find out what it means for the both of you tonight, how he plans to show you. Because you know he will, and that’s where the problem lies. What happens after that? When you both go along your merry ways?
“You know.. I think I’m just gonna call it a night soon.” You want to find out, but you don’t know if it’ll be good for you.
“Yeah?” You stand but find yourself stumbling on your own feet, letting out a laugh when you try to grab your things and keep yourself together. “Woah, pretty lady.” Hyunjin laughs with you. “How about I walk you to your room?” You pause. Fuck it.
“Okay, yeah. That’d be nice.”
“Alright, let me just pay for our tab—” He gives the bartender a look and gestures to close out the tab, his card already in his hand.
“What, no! Hyunjin.” You wrestle with your own wallet. “Let me pay for my own drinks.”
“Nah, I got you. On me.” He smiles sweetly. “Please.” You let out a sigh and surrender, letting him pay for the drinks before he stands and slips his card back into his wallet.
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you. For being good company.” He gives you a toothless smile. “So, where to?”
“10th floor?”
“After you.” He bids the bartender one last farewell before following you out of the bar and out into the hotel lobby. His eyes can’t help but linger down your figure; eyeing that tight, itty bitty off-the-shoulder dress and the way it hugs your curves, black over-the-knee boots hugging your legs nicely. 
Ain’t no way you were just planning on sitting at the bar looking that fine.
“Hyunjin?” You call for him as you both stand in front of the elevator doors, and he’s snapped out of his thoughts. “You don’t actually have to walk me. I can make it in one piece.” You giggle.
“Leave you alone while drunk? I don’t think so.” He chuckles.
“Hm.” You hum, eyes fixed on the elevator doors in front of you. Hyunjin stands right behind you— inches away, just close enough to feel the heat radiate from his body. When the elevator dings, Hyunjin gently presses his hand against the small of your back; pushing you forward into the elevator. The touch itself brings tingles down your spine, enough where it has you struggling to keep your composure. You lean against the back railing, while Hyunjin stands next to you— hand resting on the rail as he faces your direction. Your eyes meet his, and you feel yourself get weak in the knees;
So weak that your phone slips out of your hands, making a loud thud against the floor.
“Oops, shit.” You mutter.
“I got it.” Hyunjin laughs, bending down to grab your phone. You can’t help but watch his every move closely, watching as he bends down, large hand grabbing at your phone. He’s way too close to your legs at one point, and your mind wanders to what it would be like if he were in between— “Think that belongs to you, miss.” He teases, standing tall as he hands you your phone. “You sure you’re good?”
“I am.” Except, not. Because the elevator is ten times hotter than it was earlier, and it seems to be taking its sweet ol’ time getting to your floor. The tension is unreal.
“What’s on your mind?”
“What do you mean?”
“I can hear you thinking.”
“Mmm, I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean?” You pause as you look at him.
“I mean, has anyone ever told you how attractive you are?” You blurt out, alcohol definitely giving you that liquid courage to say anything and everything that’s currently running through your mind. “You just.. look like that.” He laughs.
“I could say the same for you, pretty. Trust me.” He leans forward towards your ear a bit, his scent lingering and trapping you in. “You wanna know something else?”
“Hm?”
“You make it very hard to not wanna kiss you.” He pulls back a bit to read your expression— almost like he’s giving you leverage to take it and run with it, or leave it. Everything in your court.
So, you choose.
And you choose by gently grabbing at his sweater, planting your lips on his for that first, initial kiss. His lips are soft and pillowy, just like you imagined. You only pull away a few inches, eyes darting from Hyunjin’s eyes, to his lips, back up to his eyes. He chases after your lips within the next minute, hand coming up to cup you by the neck; thumb caressing your cheek. At this point, you’re stuck to Hyunjin— lips seemingly not wanting to part from his. And you’re loving every bit of it so, so much. 
You’re loving every bit of it so much that you don’t even care when the elevator takes a stop, doors sliding open for the man who was patiently waiting on the other side. He eyes the both of you before keeping his distance, positioning himself closer to the doors while scrolling through his phone. Hyunjin lets out a soft sigh in between kisses, completely wrapped up in your scent, your touch— you.
You’ve barely met, but right now, it feels like the world is at a stop; like it’s just you and Hyunjin at this moment in time. You’ll never understand it.
“Fuck.” He whispers against your lips before moving near your ear. “You’re driving me crazy.” He plants a soft kiss on your cheek before navigating back down to your lips. His other hand comes to your thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze before his finger teases the edge of your dress— Hyunjin keeping the kiss alive with your hands still gripping at his sweater. His hand travels around to give your ass a quick squeeze before pressing you flush against him; to be close to him, to feel him.
And god, do you feel him.
He takes this moment to tug on your bottom lip, making you let out a sigh. The man who stepped into the elevator is now a long-gone thought, no longer caring about his presence or the fact that he’s a mere couple of steps away from you two. But finally, the elevator dings again and flashes a bright ‘10’ on the screen. Hyunjin quickly pulls away to check the current floor before slipping his hand into yours and leading the way out of the elevator. As soon as the doors close, the both of you erupt in a fit of giggles while leading the way down the hallway to your room. As you fiddle with your bag and try to fish for your hotel keycard, Hyunjin plants feathery kisses along your neck, down to your shoulder— his fingers still teasing the edge of your dress.
“Finally.” You pout, making Hyunjin laugh before placing another kiss near your jaw. As soon as you step inside the room, you toss your bag aside and wrap your arms around Hyunjin’s neck, legs around his waist. He carries you deeper into the room, setting you down on the edge of the bed to continue kissing you. In between kisses, he works his way with your boots; gently sliding the zipper down before tossing one boot off to the side, then the next.
“This dress.” He gently pushes you down on the bed before peppering kisses along your thighs. “So perfect on you.” He nibbles on your inner thighs, then soothes the surface with his lips. “Can’t believe no one was trying to snatch you up.”
“Maybe it’s just meant to be, hm?” You tease with a playful tone. Hyunjin pauses and looks at you, a smile teasing at the corner of his lips before he comes down and presses another sweet kiss to your lips.
“Maybe I’m just lucky after all.” You feel his hand fiddling with the edge of your dress again, slowly dipping further. “You know, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can totally—” A kiss. “Just hang out and talk more—” Another kiss. 
“Hanging out and talking more—” Kiss. “Sounds good to me.”
“Mhm.” He pulls away and looks at you, really looks at you, before brushing the hair away from your face. “I mean it. I don’t normally do things like this. I just— I don’t know.” He chuckles a bit. “I’ve been drawn to you since I walked into that bar.” It’s your turn to look at him, really look at him, and you do nothing but pull him back to your lips.
“Please keep going.” Is all you manage to say. Because you are also drawn to him, and you’ll never understand it.
But right now, you don’t want to try and understand it. You just want to take this moment for what it is, for everything that it is.
The intensity grows during the heated kiss, and Hyunjin is back to slotting himself in between your thighs, dress now pushed up.
“Can I?” He asks, and you nod— giving him full permission to remove your panties and toss them off to the side; feet propped up on the bed to give Hyunjin the best view. He doesn’t waste any time before he’s running his thumb down your slit, sliding two fingers in just to get a feel for you. He bites onto his bottom lip, reveling in the soft moans you’re letting out. “So wet for me.” He says before licking a stripe upwards, feeling your legs slightly jolt at the sensation. “Gonna take care of you.” He reassures you by running a hand up your thigh and gently squeezing it. He laps at your folds, sucking gently at the sensitive nub before repeating his motions and pumping his digits into you at a set pace. 
“My god.” You whimper, hands resting on Hyunjin’s head. A gasp falls from your slips when Hyunjin removes his fingers and spits on your pussy, tongue spreading your wetness all over. You continue to grind against his mouth, picking up the pace when you feel yourself reaching your peak. The way he was taking care of you was heaven sent; incredibly heaven sent that with just another roll or two, Hyunjin manages to push you over the edge. “Oh— yes!” You blurt out as you come undone, your entire body going limp while catching stars.
Hyunjin soothes you through small pecks on your thighs, through gentle squeezes of the hips. He stands and hovers over you, giving you a taste of yourself when he leans in for a kiss— holding the kiss there momentarily. When you part, he watches as you take his hand, tongue circling around the two fingers that were just inside of you. He swears he almost loses himself at that moment, but he manages to keep himself together. Hyunjin moves you up on the bed, making sure you’re comfortable in between the tiny kisses he plants all over your body.
Chest.
Hands, fingers.
Collarbone, neck.
Lips.
He’s stripping you of your dress, just as you help him out of his sweater, his slacks. His eyes widen when he pops off your strapless bra, letting out a shaky breath before taking a nipple into his mouth— tongue working in circular motions and pulling back with a pop. You arch your back slightly and let out a moan, Hyunjin taking this opportunity to move onto the next bud and repeating the motion on it. You tease at the waistband of his boxers before he wrestles himself out of them; dick painfully hard and springing free. He lets out a moan when he feels your hand wrap around his member, pumping him a few times and watching the pre-cum leak from his tip.
“Need you.” He breathily moans. “Need you now, pretty.”
“Here.” You pause, grabbing the single condom from your bag on the nightstand. Hyunjin leans back on his ankles, laughing at the box you’ve handed over.
“So, why do you have this?” He smirks as he rips the condom open and begins to slide it down his length.
“Quit. My bestfriend shoved it in my bag as a ‘just in case.’”
“Tell them I said thank you.” You giggle.
“Shut up.” Hyunjin bites his lip before diving in for another kiss. Even as he breaks the kiss, his lips continue to graze yours as he lines himself up at your entrance— eyes glued to yours as he slips himself in slowly. He watches your eyes roll back and shut close, back arching; a silent moan leaving your lips. He continues to push, and push, until he bottoms out and lets out a shaky breath; giving himself a moment to adjust and keep his composure.
God, you feel good around him.
“Fuuuuck.” He moans. “Feels too good. So perfect.” He begins to slowly pick up the pace, hearing your slickness make those noises beneath him that drive him insane. You grip onto his chiseled biceps, pretty white polished nails digging into the surface of his skin. At this point, Hyunjin has found the perfect rhythm— sinking into you every thrust, feeling every inch, every delicate point that he can touch. 
Deeply.
“Hyunjin, god. Please.” You whine and beg continuously, calling his name as he continues to pound into you relentlessly. The only sounds in the room are the sounds of skin against skin, wet kisses being exchanged in between and your names bouncing off of the walls.
“I got you.” Hyunjin feels you squeezing him, and it’s taking everything within him not to burst. He takes a hand to your neck and gives it a gentle squeeze, watching your tits bounce with every thrust he gives.
And he gives it all. 
He sits back for a moment when he sees you starting to move your hips and ride against his movements. Another moan slips from his lips when he watches you roll your hips and work him from beneath, hissing when you speed it up. 
“Such a good girl.” He says. Your moans become a little sharper, a little louder, Hyunjin now taking his thumb to your clit to relieve some of the tension. You begin to whimper, your nails digging a little deeper, and Hyunjin can feel your walls starting to cave. He continues his work on your clit before he's back to fucking you senselessly into the mattress. 
“Right there— Hyunjin—” Your words are broken as you try to chase your high. “Close—” 
“That’s it, pretty.” He says, praising you and egging you to tip over the edge. It takes a few more before Hyunjin sees your face contort in pleasure, back arching just as you tremble underneath him. “Shit, that’s it.” He repeats, feeling your walls pulse against him. He feels himself getting close to his own climax, so he quickly pulls out and has you flip over— face down, ass up. He wastes no time slipping himself back in, continuing at the pace he was just at even though you were still trying to recover from your last orgasm. Though a bit sensitive, the pleasure rebuilds quickly, and you’re back to begging Hyunjin to go harder.
Faster.
Which, he gladly does. He gives your ass a good smack, leaving his print while letting out a groan and gripping your hips. He calls your name, praising you for how good you’ve been to him tonight and how lucky he is. 
“Y/N, fuck— gonna cum.” He breathes out, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he feels his coil threatening to snap. Sooner or later, a beautiful, melodic moan slips from his lips, his hands digging crescents into your hips as he falls onto you and fills up the condom. “You okay, pretty?” He presses a soft kiss on your back, your right shoulder.
“Mhm.” He removes himself from you, the both of you letting out soft sighs at the feeling. Hyunjin tosses the condom in the trash before racing off to the bathroom.
“Let me get you cleaned up.” He says as he grabs for one of your wipes sitting in the bathroom, cleaning you up before himself. You shyly head to the bathroom to finish up and change into something more comfortable— slipping into the covers while Hyunjin throws on his boxers. You’re not really sure what’s next, and to be honest, you’re a little unsure of how to navigate this whole one-night-stand thing.
Because of course you’ll have to. You leave tomorrow. This is the first and last time you’ll see Hyunjin.
It makes you a bit sad, for whatever reason.
“I-I hope you know you aren’t obligated to stay, I know you must wanna go back to your room—” He laughs a bit and turns to you.
“How about I stay until you fall asleep, hm? That sound okay with you?” Yes, yes it does. You want him here, and you want to cherish every last bit of this tender, intimate moment that you’ve shared with someone you connected with hours ago.
“Okay.” He slips himself in, comfortable in his boxer briefs and nothing else. You find this to be the cherry on top; the way Hyunjin pulls you in and allows you to lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat beneath you, the way he lazily throws an arm over you but keeps you close, the way that he just lets you be.
Hyunjin is connected to you. He is drawn to you.
The combination of the alcohol and exhaustion is now pushing you to fall asleep quickly in Hyunjin’s arms. He manages to close his eyes, afraid to move you or wake you— wanting you to get the best sleep possible before your flight tomorrow. You’ll never understand this. But tonight, you won’t try to. Because you’ll take this for what it is, for everything that it is.
You are connected to Hyunjin. You are drawn to him.
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Hyunjin wakes up and finds your side of the bed cold, empty. Which tugs a bit on his heart, but he knew this is what it would come to— being it was your last night, and the two of you lived on opposite ends of the world. He honestly didn’t mean to stay last night, but he couldn’t help himself after seeing how peacefully you were sleeping. He’s not sure he understands it well enough, but he still feels drawn to you; even now, as you board your plane and take your seat in business class. He finds a tiny note on the nightstand with your name and number, and he smiles to himself— making sure to keep the note safe.
Hyunjin keeps the note safe for awhile. Safe to the point where he doesn’t do much with it besides look at the number every now and then before tucking it back into his wallet. He can’t find the courage to text you, call you, because he’s not sure what is left of you two after that night. What would he do from Seoul? What would you do from California?
It’s unfortunate, and Hyunjin really hates it. He’s not sure when he’ll use this. And of course, over time, you’ve wondered what you did, or why Hyunjin didn’t make use of your number. Though, part of you understood where he was coming from. So, you eventually learn to let it be.
Maybe there wasn’t a use for it, for all of this. 
Maybe it was supposed to be a one-night thing, a memorable, one-night thing. A one-night thing that you keep for the memories, a one-night thing that you keep close to your heart– Hyunjin.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Hyunjin keeps the note safe for a while. Safe to the point where he doesn’t do much with it besides look at the number every now and then before tucking it back into his wallet.
Until months later, Hyunjin finds himself thinking about your note just as he steps onto the concrete floor and takes in the fresh air—
Eyes shifting to the California sunrise ahead of him.
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—perm taglist: @ppiri-bahng @jihanlovic @meloncremesoda @sweetlikecherry @asjkdk
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Text
Actually I might as well add onto my thoughts and opinions on what's going on with skk right now.
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[ID: A screenshot from Bungou Stray Dogs Season 5 Episode 10. Dazai sits against the metal wall, holding his injured shoulder. His blood is spattered on the wall behind him. He looks up at Chuuya, who is standing before him with a gun to his head. End ID.]
I still think the drowning in 101 was a trap set by Dazai for Fyodor before he knew Chuuya would be there - it would be weird for him to sacrifice his partner and I see no reason he would flashback to some of their memories and have such a choked voice otherwise. Dazai is not like Mori. This has been long established since Dark Era - he is selfish, and thus bad at actually making the sacrifice play with someone he has an actual connection with. I think the trap was set, Dazai had no choice but to follow through, but hoped that Chuuya would break control and escape. He tries a speech which seems like it's going to be a very genuine farewell... only to switch tacks and play it off as though he doesn't care. I do think there was a possibility Chuuya could've died in that scene... but Dazai was deeply hoping he wouldn't.
Seems a silly thing, for Dazai to be relying on hope so much as a master strategist, but you have to remember that Dazai has a near unshakeable trust in Chuuya. He thinks very highly of him, and has a "Chuuya can push through anything" kind of mentality that he's had since they were teenagers. Of course Chuuya can break through the vampire brainwashing! He just needs the right impetus!
So we have Dazai do what he does best - try to piss off Chuuya. The "sorry there weren't any", the goading him into punching him - this is very typical behaviour for these two, and it might've actually worked if it weren't for Fyodor's intervention.
"Good-bye!" is probably a plan. It's the same name as one of Dazai-sensei's works (his last, unfinished work, in fact...), and we know Double Black's plans are named after the author's stories/poems. Note that it comes right after the first goading he does, when Chuuya is more likely to be agitated and thus aware. But also note that, if this is indeed a plan, then it's a little strange for it to be named after only Dazai's story, without incorporating Chuuya's. Their plans are named after combinations of their works' titles, remember? So, it can be reasonably assumed that this plan is solely Dazai's, that it's possible he came up with it on the fly, and that he is desperately trying to get Chuuya on board.
Unfortunately, the usual goading isn't working, so Dazai turns to something he only very rarely uses, and rarer still to Chuuya's face - and that is sincerity. He's trying to reach him, and I really think that's genuine. He's changing tactics, trying something else - because a) this plan won't work without Chuuya, and b) Chuuya is being mind controlled and you cannot convince me that Dazai isn't still royally pissed off about that. He needs to snap him out of it, now.
Even if this is a plan Dazai came up with on the fly, Chuuya will be able to catch on quickly and go along with it - but only if he is actually conscious enough to do so. Double Black's plans can only work when they are both on the same page, and right now - that's more than a little ambiguous. Dazai actually has no real way of knowing whether or not Chuuya heard him, or even if he did, if he is capable of acting on it - but Dazai's faith in Chuuya is so strong that he naturally assumes Chuuya can break through it. Having him shoot him like that came as a genuine shock.
Fyodor implicitly accuses Dazai of underestimating his partner... but I think it's the exact opposite. Dazai is so used to Chuuya being able to struggle through anything that for him apparently not to be able to in this situation is genuinely blindsiding.
It appears that Dazai, too, has been relying on Chuuya's strength.
Tldr: There is a plan, but it is solely Dazai's, not a typical joint skk plan and he has been trying to communicate it to Chuuya and break past the brainwashing - which means Dazai is actually being horribly genuine right now. Unfortunately... it doesn't seem like Chuuya is conscious enough to participate in this plan at the moment (though possibly conscious enough to, like Akutagawa, prevent himself from making a killing blow).
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straykeedz · 7 months
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dear god i just read your chan x virgin reader smut and I nearly had a stroke. it was so good, i feel like you rly got chan’s personality down so perfectly 😭 can you please please please write one for hyunjin x virgin reader? i wanna cry thinking of how sweet and gentle he would be and how much he would praise/worship you and how passionate and sensual it would be ugh ♥️
thank you!! 🥹🫶 sure i can!!
(i wrote this in one sitting too, so please don't hate me if it's bad 😭🙏 it's so hard to focus on writing when uni is kicking your ass lol)
hwang hyunjin x afab virgin!reader
wc: 1086 (😇)
masterlist ♡
chan’s version ; minho’s version ♡
tw: foreplay (m & f receiving); loss of virginity; unprotected piv sex (don't do that at home!!! 🤨); soft lovemaking in a bathtub; creampie; ♡
mature content under the cut, minors dni!
i kind of get the vibe that he’d like sex to be as romantic as possible, especially if it’s your first time we’re talking about;
so just picture yourself in a bathtub with hyunjin - your back pressed against his chest as you rest your head on his chest as he reads you his favorite poems from he book he’s holding in his hand, voice vibrating in his chest - sending shivers down your spine;
there’d be candles all over the bathroom and petals in the bathtub - red roses, hyunjin’s and your favorite flower;
his other hand would be resting on your hip, caressing your wet skin - dangerously close to your groin, but he doesn’t dare to move it any farther;
you’re comfortable with being naked around each other - you haven’t had sex yet, but you’ve done other stuff like foreplay and dry humping, so there’s no embarrassment between the two of you;
as he reads - sweet, romantic and occasionally passionate words would roll off his tongue easily, almost naturally;
a particularly erotic verse would fall from his lips, and you’d feel yourself getting red in the face - you’d feel yourself getting wet down there;
truth be told - you’ve been thinking about finally sleeping with hyunjin for a while now, you’re definitely ready to take the next step, and you want to do it with him;
you’d move your head from his chest, snapping it up to meet his face - eyes focused on the book, his tongue occasionally brushing over his plump lips;
he’d notice your gaze on him and would stop reading the beautiful poem only to place a soft kiss on your forehead;
“hyunjin”, you’d call him - voice coming out in a whisper, but he’d hear you loud and clear, humming a soft “yes, jagi?” to encourage you to tell him what’s going on inside your head;
“i’m ready”, you’d finally whisper - you can immediately feel the way his body tenses, breath hitching in his throat, so you add “i want you to make love to me”;
he almost has a faints lmao;
“are you sure, my sweet jagi?”, he’d ask you - you can feel his already hard cock pressing against your lower back - “i can wait, you know you don’t have to do this if you’re not sure”;
but you are sure, you’ve never been more sure of anything;
“i’m sure, jinnie”, you place one hand on his jawline - fingers brushing against his soft skin, “i want you to be my first”;
the poor man wasn’t expecting it to happen RIGHT NOW, so when he feels your hand gently wrapping around his hard cock he almost drops his book in the bathtub out of shock;
“oh you- you mean right now? here?”, he’d ask with wide eyes and you’d nod, as he leans in for a kiss - small pecks at first, sweet and chaste, that would turn into a make out session, hyunjin’s tongue brushing your lower lip accompanied by the choked moan that’d leave his lips as soon as he feels you tug at his cock gently;
he’d bring one hand to touch the sensitive spot between your thighs - a whimper leaving your mouth when he inserts one of his long, tapered fingers inside of you;
it would happen like that - you’d climb on top of him after spending a few minutes enjoying mutual masturbation - he’d hold you by your hips so that you don’t slip as you position yourself on top of him;
condoms aren’t exactly water friendly - so you’d do it without one, but it’s fine since you’re on the pill and you’re both tested clean;
i kinda get the feeling he’d keep his gaze on you all the time, not wanting to miss a single thing - he’d want to remember everything;
definitely parts his lips and gasps as soon as he feels the tip of his length parting your entrance, squeezing your hips even tighter;
he’d want you to take your time, he’s definitely not the type to rush sex;
his hands wouldn’t leave your hips as you slowly sink on him - it’d probably take a while, tho, his cock isn’t exactly easy to take - long and hard;
once he’s fully inside of you, you’d both need a minute to adjust - you to the new feeling of finally having him inside of you, him to the feeling of your tight walls wrapped around him;
i kinda get the feeling he’d be the best at controlling himself;
i’d still be a lot for him too, tho;
he’d help you with your movements, slow and gentle;
he wouldn’t move at first - he’d let you take control completely;
but then he’d start thrusting delicately, meeting your movements with the rolls of his hips;
he’d definitely untie your hair, letting the rubber band fall on the floor;
you’d do the same, untying the bun on top of his head - his hair getting a bit damp due to your wet hands, letting his hair fall down and hide his undercut (😢);
his hands would move from your hips to your face - gently cupping it as he leans forward for a kiss;
artist boy definitely places a few petals in your hair!!!;
“you’re an angel, jagiya”, he’d whisper on your lips;
praise, praise, praise, PRAISE!!;
listen, this man has the habit of reading poems every night before going to bed - you’re really expecting him NOT to praise you? during your first time??? well, you’re wrong;
such a sucker for eye contact as he’d whisper words of appreciation such as “you’re so beautiful”, “my baby”, “i love you so much” 🫠;
“you’re so good to me, jagi”, words would roll off his tongue almost automatically as he feels himself getting closer to his end “my perfect angel, so beautiful”;
99.9% you’d cum together;
i kinda picture him as the type of guy who wouldn’t close his eyes as he reaches his high, he’d keep his gaze on you - wanting to see how fucked out you look;
not so loud when he cums - just a choked moan escaping his parted lips as he shoots inside of you, eyes still on you;
he’d bury his head in between your chest as he pants heavily - head spinning from his intense orgasm, kissing your soft skin;
would definitely praise you even after you’re both finished;
“you did so good, my love”, “you were so good to me, i love you”;
he’d definitely paint the scene as a way to remember the moment!!! (even though there’s no way he’s going to forget it);
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starberry-cupcake · 23 days
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I didn't even give you time to rest and we're back for another round of this. Let's give it up for our sponsor @lady-harrowhark who has helped me get here ♥
previously, on the 1st entry of tlt, aka gideon the ninth:
this happened
also, I was made aware of the fact that there's a 4th book happening?????
??????
I thought they were three, I thought I was coming into this with all the answers out and available
emily has already explained to me the situation and I am taking it very well
I'm very at peace with the fact that I'm gonna have to wait
:)
this is how you all feel, huh?
now, get ready for harrowbean the ninth:
we start out strong with 25 new names
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we got a list of lyctors and slurped cavaliers
I'm assuming the crossed out people means dead or slurped
we got another ortus, good for him, I'm gonna remember him
we got another two living new ones, it's likely I will remember an augustine, not likely I'll remember the other one
absolutely no way in hell I'm remembering their cavaliers
absolutely no way in hell I'm remembering the dead
I'm gonna have to think of new nicknames
not!dulcinea is listed and crossed out, as she should be
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(the emperor's new groove, indeed)
we've got yandere simulator twin w/inner chad
BUT we'll talk about that in a sec
and then there's harrow
and where gideon should be we got g̵̙͉͚̼̾̽̓̏̾̒̒̂̎͆̕͝ͅi̸̱͍͕̎̆̾̐̇̍̀̎d̷̨̪̙̭̮̜̼͆͆e̴̡̻̰̞̓̈́̋͂̇̐̇̀̓̈́̿̅̚ǫ̷͇̟̳̯͇̤̪̻̩̤̒̅͐͛̒̃͑̂͌́͝ͅn̵̢̙͔̩̗͇͎̻͕̲̮͙̞̓͆̋̈́̿͑͋̈̒͌̀͐̕̚͜͜ ̷͍̫̝̖̮̺̩͖͕̞̾̀͂s̶̖͓̗̩̹̹̥͉̘̄͑͒̾̔͋̑͝h̷̯̲̞͗ơ̵̢͕͙̤̳͎̟̳̖͕͓͋̃̀̉̔̎̈́͆̏̄ͅṷ̴̧̨̢̦̭͈̰͓̪̱̠͓̈̿͆̇̀͑͜ľ̴̨͍͖̘̠̖͎̤̮̱̻͚̑̄͑d̸̢̛̛̻̙̪͙̖̋̃̄͛̅̀̃̐̈̿̏̏͘ ̷̢͚̦̱̩̬̟̺̀̄̈́͂͋̂̄̊̾́́̾̆̄b̷̡͕̲̗͇̠̗͓̈́̍̽͊̇͜ę̴̢̡̱͓̱͉̩̖͇̠͇͎̪̟͗ ̵̪̭͔̊̿͜h̸̢̛̙͍͎͖̻̟̗̫̄̐̀̄̃̽͑̚̕͠ͅe̵̘̳͆̉̿̔͘͘r̸̦̰͌̒̐̓̽́̾͋̏͝ȩ̶̢̖̩͙̗͚̲̈́͠ͅ ̶̡͌̃̏̐̑̀̄̉̀̈́͐̀͊̀͠
👀
I don't know
I think maybe la gideon del 9 isn't totally gone
maybe it's true, maybe it's wishful thinking
maybe her soul got back into her body like when you dream you're falling
her body slurped it back like a noodle
and her demigod powers regenerated her like wolverine
and camilla removed her from the location
and they're both alive and well
don't correct me, let me have this
me, waiting for camilla to come back
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after all of this info and the poem/hymn/whatnot we got a prologue which starts with "the night before the emperor's murder"
WELL
OK THEN
WHAT HAPPENED WITH BEING GOD????
the emperor's new clothes and all, he was naked all along
this man is a joke, this man is the wizard of oz, what's going on here
anyway
the prologue is in second person with harrow's pv
I think I have experienced harrow's pv before while reading gideon
hoping for her to focus on one important issue and getting frustrated was very much harrow's pv
harrow is in some sort of battle situation getting directed by the emperor and, as I understand, acting in coordination with the other living lyctors
but also harrow is doing something she shouldn't be doing and they're telling her not to do it
which is like, the harrowest thing to do
so yandere twin comes in to talk to her into moving because she'll be targeted if she stays
and there's a moment when I was like...wait a sec
they say she has blue eyes with specks of brown
didn't she have lavender eyes?????
then harrow says "you should have killed your sister, your eyes don't match your face"
?????????????
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yandere twin is very insistent on the helping but also cryptic
I am starting to stan her less
she's starting to get on my nerves and it's the prologue
she also says "choke me, daddy" which
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THIS IS NOT THE TIME
gideon gets to do those jokes at terrible times, not you
gideon is allowed
so harrow gets in the fight soul-first and is spitted out of the fight and has a sword through her body
we're doing great over here guys
we're just— this is fine
we're fine
it's f i n e
IT'S FINE
I'm gonna leave the next bit for the next one because this is long enough with the reaction images that I think are crucial to understanding the feelings I'm trying to convey. I'm gonna go to sleep and possibly dream of these characters again. I'll try less pictures and more stuff in the next entry. Hopefully. And maybe read the short story that comes before book 1 because Camilla is in it.
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destructive-path · 4 months
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idk in some imagination of mine i see ellie to just be sooo sweet and sooo loving to you but den destroys you and fucks you like an animals in heat fr
this is definitely farm ellie core……
18+ MDNI
farm ellie is definitely a physical labor partner she’s doing the hunting, farm work ect. ++ ELLIE ON A TRACTORRRR 😩 someone get her a cowboy hat
farm ellie loves it when you cook for her and likes to watch you cleannn shes manspread on the couch watching you scrub the floors with a smirk on her face and pink on her cheeks from seeing u bent overrrrr
farm ellie LOVES THE DOMESTIC ATMOSPHEREEE shes hugging you from behind, TONS of neck kisses and gives massages whenever you want oh my god she basically begs you to let her ease any tension you may (or may not) have
i think she would be so southern lipped. ‘ing’ words now sport a n’ sound at the end. “shootin’ , huntin’, workin’” BYE shes calling you “darlin” and “honey” just adorably wrapped up in the farm fantasy it sort of becomes her
but YEA she would definitely be a FREAK in the sheets tho. im talking REAL POSSESSIVE TYPEE TYPEE
farm ellie makes you touch yourself before fucking you and you HAVE to keep your eyes on her or she will deny you pls
personally i think she would be really into tying you up and just having her way with you. something about being domestic makes ellie OBSESSED with everything about you. ur basically her world. shes taking her timeeee, kissing you on all her favorite spots (and she would have SPECIFIC favorites because she knows your body like the back of her hand) if you squirmed too much shed tut at you and smack you lightly somewhere sensitive then bully you when the wet spot under your cunt would grow larger:(((
trust her hands are never leaving your neck babyyy she’s strapping you with a brown leather harness she made herself and is constantly slurring her words while she pounds into you whew…specifically in missionary tho bc she loves to see how wet you get for her and only her “my pussy.” she would say over and overrrr things like “you belong to me.” “no one can fuck you like me” , “i know this pussy the best because its. mine.” all whilst choking you to the point of seeing starsss 😌
farm ellie after care hits DIFFERENTTT i just know she gets pussy drunk like mf just starts praising you to the point where you get horny again and the cycle just repeats it selfffjskksks. “gonna mary you.” “how many kids do you want?ill give you em all” “so pretty…” “so soft~”
is it crazy to say farm ellie has wayyy to much time on her hands and would probably fuck you like crazy then like get inspired by all your beauty and write a poem or a song about it like IMMEDIATELY after you fuck……shes writing at the speed of light next to you butt ass naked. “baby…ellie…can you untie me first?……” LOL
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tinykonig · 1 year
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König x Reader Headcanons
this is my first post!!!! im so excited!! i have had an extremely annoying day and just wanted to write these down to cheer me up a bit- hope you guys like them as well :) some of these are self indulgent so forgive me. im writing my könig fic but its taking a while since finals are upon me :/ Warnings: NSFW at the bottom, I put an indicator before :)
He is an extremely active listener. If he’s standing and you are talking to him, he has his feet pointed towards you and his head ducked down a bit so he can hear you better since he’s so tall. Nods along to whatever you say and generally has attentive body language
Remembers the smallest details from any conversation. You tell him a story about your childhood pet and months later he will casually say the pet’s name in another conversation. It always takes you off guard a little
When he realizes he likes you, he panics. Writes frantically in his journal for about 3 hours about it.
You catch on to his little crush pretty quickly, given how he lingers near you more than anyone else and gets shy at the smallest interactions
When you finally confess to him that you feel similarly he is so incredibly happy but flustered. Had to take a cold shower that night to calm himself down
Gives you little gifts all the time (one of his love languages for sure). A drawing he did, a flower he saw on the side of the road, some candy he brought from home, etc
Also collects anything you may gift him. Hoards them and protects them like they are living and breathing
Goes through them on nights when you two have to be apart. He can be extremely sentimental
If you are an artist in anyway, he is your HYPE MAN. Hangs up your drawings/poems/photographs, whatever it may be, in his little dorm room
He melts if you cook/bake him something homemade. Like seriously might get choked up. He loves the smell of baked goods, it always makes him feel right at home. You always try to bake him something on his birthday and he is over the moon about it
Protective but knows you can handle yourself most of the time. Despite his introverted nature he will defend you loudly and aggressively if he senses that it’s necessary
He loves any little weird quirks you may have. You love the smell of clean laundry? He thought it was so cute when you would sniff the shirts coming out of the dryer
OH OH OH LOVES THE THING WHERE YOU HAVE ONE HEADPHONE AND HE HAS THE OTHER AND YOU LISTEN TO THE SAME MUSIC AND JUST HANG OUT. oh man
Accidentally bumps into/knocks you with his hands or arms soooo often. He’s a big boy who doesnt quite have spatial awareness sometimes
He feels so bad everytime it happens and just cradles your face in his hands and apologizing so rapidly (it never really hurts but you like the attention so)
If you dont know german he will give you a “german word of the day” and will say it to you the entire day in context until you guess what it means
Is so excited when you guess right
Not gonna be into PDA it’s too much for him. He’s just constantly your shadow 24/7 in public. The most is having a hand on your back or shoulder so you don’t get lost in a crowd
In private however. Clingiest boy alive (his other love language is physical touch)
Lives for you laying your head on his lap. Plays with your hair or traces your features while he talks to you about his day or a book he started reading
Has the most expressive eyes in the world
I headcannon him as ginger, his hair slightly shaggy (haircuts give him anxiety so he does it himself when it starts to get in his eyes) and wavy
light freckles on his cheeks and across his nose!!!
With his blue eyes he is truly such a picture of beauty
He isn’t super weird about showing his face to you. When you start hanging out outside of work duties he doesn’t wear it, and appreciates that you dont bring attention to it
Sometimes you make a little comment about him being pretty and his face is on FIRE but he just quietly says thank you and has a little smile on his face
Compliments you shyly but often, will not make eye contact with you when he says it
Writes you super heartfelt notes that he will leave you to find because he can better express himself that way
Don’t get me wrong though he has his moments where he can be very very cocky!!
For example: right after a successful mission when he is still riding the adrenaline rush, he is much touchier with you even in front of others
If you need him to reach something he loves that and gets a little power trip. Teases you and makes you jump to get it from him a bit
If he notices that he made YOU blush, wooo boy he loves to tease you. “Did you like that, hmm?”, with a sickly sweet smile
NSFW BELOW
The first time was extremely soft and slow and sweet. He was very eager but very unsure of himself. Didn’t know where to put his hands. You had to guide him and reassure him and he didn’t last very long but it was sweet
He whimpered the entire time
After that, he slowly gains confidence and learns what works for you two
Still likes for you to be in control mostly, with rare soft dom moments
Will try almost anything once!!
Loves praise. Too insecure for degradation and absolutely can’t degrade you either
Loves to eat pussy sooooo much… You have a bad day? He’s on his knees in the shower with one of you thighs on his shoulder. Its your birthday? He got you like 9 presents but the finale is cumming on his tongue 4 times
He fucking growls sometimes when he’s overstimulated and its the greatest thing to grace your ears
Says “I love you” like a chant when he’s cumming in you
Wants to see your face the whole time
Ironically he is great at making eye contact in the bedroom
He has the sexiest thighs in the world
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dmwrites · 6 months
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It had been long enough now that the pattern was familiar. It started as a gnawing emptiness, looking for something that wasn’t there yet. It was apparent on every face, the need for a task, the greed and satisfaction that came with reward.
The rules were simple- Grian had explained them when they had all shown up in this new world. Get a task. Keep it a secret. Do the task. Succeed. Don’t die, even though you will. The feeling of incompleteness while waiting for a task hasn’t been in the explanation- or, at least, Martyn hoped it wasn’t just him who felt this way.
Martyn kept to himself a lot this season, and it was in a cave that he received his next secret task. Martyn often wondered how the book that held his task got to be in his pocket. The tasks were delivered timely every week, with no apparent source. Martyn suspected that whatever, whoever was giving them these tasks did not appreciate people dwelling on the source, as Martyn always got a headache when thinking about it.
Martyn felt a heaviness in his pocket- a new secret task delivered. He stepped back, finally striking down the zombie that had climbed quite a distance to get to him. Martyn went into a small alcove in the cave, well-lit already from his exploration. Just to be safe, he boarded up the gaping opening in front of him, so no mobs could possibly do a lick of damage to him. He’d already suffered so many hearts lost with his recklessness.
Martyn opened the small book, which glowed a slight purple, held it up to the torch light to read his task.
Find RenTheDog
Martyn’s breath stilled in his chest. It was two words, two very simple words, and he read them over and over again like they were a hymn, a passage he failed to really comprehend.
“He’s not-”
Martyn hit a button on his communicator, scanned through the names listed, every participant in this game. Ren was not among them. Martyn knew that. Martyn knew that. This was the second game in a row the dog had been absent from, which tore Martyn’s heart in ways only Ren could, but it was fine. Or, it had been, until now, until this task stared him in the face.
Martyn let out a choked laugh.
“It’s… this surely would be a hard task, first of all.” The hollowness in his voice kind of dulled the joke into nothingness. “He’s not here. Ren is not… here.” He tried to emphasize his point, put his finger to his name, but it ended up being more of a caress of the name on the page.
No one answered his open-air monologue, which he’d expected. So, with nothing to go off of, besides those two taunting words, Martyn dug his way to the surface.
He soon stood before the secret keeper, before that damned mark that he knew, by god he knew none of it was just mere coincidence.
“So I’m guessing you just want me to have to pick a harder task, is that it? Hoping I’ll fail big time and you can get me out of your hair faster?” Martyn snarled at the stone before him. “Well, baby, I’m a cockroach, so good luck with that.”
He pressed the button before him, with the sign under that read “reroll for a harder task”. There were whispers, some kind of poem that Martyn, in his anger, didn’t bother reading, and then a book appeared in mid-air, a deep red this time. Martyn caught it before it fell, ripped the cover open.
Find the Red King.
“Fuck you!” Martyn yelled, outrage and mourning and yearning pouring out of him all at once. “I can’t… why? Why on earth are you doing this to me? I can’t do this… I can’t-”
He could see people coming, whether to complete their task or to see what the yell had been about, and he ran. He didn’t know the land, having spent so much time underground, so it was a blind dash towards the tree line. His heart was thudding, his mind a mess.
There was, however much he tried to tamp it down, a blossom of hope. He slowed down eventually, when he hit a world boarder, thinking hard. Twice now, the secret keeper had told him to find Ren. They must know who Martyn was, who had held the axe. No one better to find him.
Martyn looked for RenTheDog. He built a tower of cobblestone to the sky, scanning the land far below. He ventured into the deepest caves, calling out Ren’s name and hearing it echo back to him with more and more desperation.
But the day was only so long, and, eventually, Grian’s message in chat confirmed what Martyn had already known.
<Time is up. Anyone who hasn’t completed their task yet has failed. Meet at the secret keeper.>
“So, did anyone fail their tasks this week?” Grian asked to the gathered group.
Martyn strode forward in the silence that followed, hit the button that said “fail”. He bit back a pained moan as a row of hearts was taken from him. He could hear sympathetic groans and gasps behind him, others trying to share in his pain. But they didn’t know, not really.
“What was the task?” Grian asked curiously.
“I’d rather not say.” Martyn said. He turned and walked past his friends, out towards the setting sun. It hurt. It all hurt.
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basilpaste · 2 months
Text
On Command!
(This fic contains depictions of panic attacks and also talks of death! please be safe.)
You can loop without dying. You can loop without touching a tear or dying. Why?
Better question: how?
You know you loop when you talk to the Head Housemaiden. You know you looped when Loop said something similar to her. Is it those words that trigger it?
Something is breaking. Something's failing, rotting. You sit in front of the statue of the Change God and think the words with force. Panic swells in your chest. You hate thinking about it! You thought you were free the first time you beat the King! That your friends would get to go and you'd be done with this whole thing. And then the Head Housemaiden started talking like that and it just!
You don't feel like looping. You just feel bad.
So if not that… what? What caused you to loop those times? Was it… emotions? You weren't stressed the first time you talked to the Head Housemaiden, though! But you still looped back anyway! You bite your lip — hard. Okay. Maybe you'll have time to think about this later. Because Sif just passed the statue and you have a schedule!
… You could ask Loop about it. You aren't sure Loop would appreciate that much. So. You won't! You'll figure it out on your own! It can't be that hard, can it?
-
You are in the House. In the secret library, thumbing uselessly through the same books you've already skimmed. There's nothing important here, not that you know of at least, but you still look vaguely at the pages. One of the books, shoved away and out of place, is on self help. A page catches your eye! Breathing exercises! Like Sif's! From all the time you've spent with him, now, you've found yourself doing them subconsciously. To keep yourself calm!
Hm.
You don't panic in front of your friends much, do you? Not genuinely, at least. You play up nervous embarrassment, lean into it when m'dame Odile teases you, but you don't ever actually panic. Not visibly, not in a way they can see.
What are you thinking? You'd already ruled out the strange loops being based on emotion because of the first time you talked to m'dame Head Housemaiden! Would it hurt to try, though? This loop is already a bust, after all. It'd be nice to not have to die.
… The tears have started to give you more nightmares than dreams.
It's not like it's hard to panic! In this situation you have a lot to panic about! You're pretty constantly stressed! You place the book back on the shelf and move on from the library, holding that thought in your mind. Panic… panic. You're trapped in a time loop. The end doesn't end it, the beginning never changes. You are the only one who remembers other than Loop. You have to watch your friends do the same things over and over and over again.
You keep moving on autopilot. You know this floor well enough to not make any dumb mistakes. Your head feels fuzzy, your chest feels tight! You're doing a good job at making yourself panic! If you never get out of this loop Mira will never realize how much she's grown. If you never get out of this loop Bonbon won't ever see their sister again. If you don't make it out m'dame will never really respect you and you'll never properly tell Sif how much they mean to you — not really. So you need to get out. But you're trapped. You can't escape.
There is static in your head, the back of your throat tastes sweet like sugar. You're trapped. Forever and ever in this world without change. There's no escape.
"… Isabeau?"
Mira. She's looking at you! Maybe you weren't being as subtle as you thought, huh?
You breathe deep. In and out. Staying calm under pressure is easy for you. You want to choke and scream and sob but you won't. You can't! You're the fighter! You're big and strong and reliable! What would happen if you weren't? If no one could trust you to be their rock!
"Sorry, Mira!" You rub the back of your neck, "I got lost in thought for a second there."
The static is gone. You're fine.
-
You stand in the room with the poem. You're not quite sure what made you come here! It's a dead end! Poetry isn't even something you're that big on! You like it, sure, especially love poems (which a Housemaiden in Jouvente once said were the lowest form of poetry. You exist to spite xem every day), but its not like you go out of your way to read any poems!
You're just… here.
That's all a lie.
You know why you came here. You have a theory. Not a strong theory, not a good one, but one you can test. The last time you tried to loop without a tear… you couldn't. You got close. You know for sure you got close but… you're missing something. You're at a dead end but no one else has realized it yet. If you coward out — you can use that as an excuse! Hah!
Panic. Okay. You're terrified of this! Of doing this! Because if it doesn't work the way you want it to you'll make everyone worry! And the idea of making people worry about you makes you want to curl up into a ball and scream! Because you're Isa! Emotional Isa, but never really scared! Only ever spooked!
You're stupid. It's what you convince others is true about yourself. You think… Mira knows it's not true. That's so scary it makes you kind of sick to think about, actually! You don't want anyone to see through you, to learn what a coward you are. Hiding everything about yourself.
Oh. Um. You're doing the breathing thing. Don't do that, Isabeau! It slows your heartrate down! Don't keep your cool! Don't don't don't! You have to do this — you at least have to try! You hold your breath. You know that doing that slows your heart but if you do it long enough when you breathe out it'll start racing! And you'll breathe quicker because you need to catch your breath.
People are talking but you aren't listening. You can't hear them, you're too focused on not breathing. On not being calm. Because oh Change are you not calm! You're so not calm!!
You can't hold your breath anymore.
Just like you knew it would, breathing out leaves you gasping for air. You can feel your pulse drumming in your ears and your breath coming out in short little bursts. It's not enough! It's not quick enough! They'll notice. You don't want them to notice you. You dig your nails into your palms, feeling them even through your gloves.
You've died. You've died a lot. It's really really scary to die and you don't think you've actually thought about it enough! The King killed you brutally twice before you figured out what you were supposed to do! You've gotten caught off guard by the strong sadnesses! Once you even managed to get crushed by the stupid crabbing rock!
There is a sickly sweet taste in your mouth and when you try to swallow you almost gag.
You're not strong! You're not strong, you're panicking like a little kid! Tears prick in the corners of your eyes and they sting.
If anyone notices they'll know that you're not what any of them expected. You're an overgrown child who can't protect anyone!
You can't protect anyone.
How could they ever trust you to protect them, to be strong enough to keep them safe, when you're acting like this!
They won't trust you.
You won't be able to protect them.
You can't breathe you can't breathe you can't—
There is a thread tugging at your chest.
The thread snaps.
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wrenwinchester · 2 months
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Poem three from Lazarus Rises (amongst other things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz (@icaruspendragon)
These words have been stuck in my head the past couple days. And I hadn’t read this poem in a while. I keep the book on my nightstand, a comfort that it’s there, but most of the time it goes untouched, not because I don’t love it, I have it highlighted and marked up the wazoo. But it’s so much easier to spend my time scrolling than to do other things I really want to do.
But anyway, I’m getting off track. This poem came back to me a couple days ago when I reblogged the post about which person in tfw 2.0 would be most likely to keep a diary. (X) and I used Berks words specifically for my analysis on Dean, because they felt right. And since then these words have been floating around my brain.
I have so much to say, so much I want or need to say, but in order to do so, I would have to pry myself open, lay myself bare in front of the people I care about most. And that’s. One of if not the most scary things I can imagine. Because the fear of being rejected for opening up. For saying what I feel and being shut down or told I’m not important. Or being made to feel like I’m not important again.
Emotions are hard, and finding words to explain them is even harder for me. It should be easy to explain that I’m happy or sad or why I’m feeling how i am but they all just get stuck in my throat. Clinging to my teeth and cutting my gums and my tongue. Choking me and taking over every ounce of entire being and it’s killing me.
I can’t get the words out, and I can’t pry them from my teeth. And I don’t even know what I would say if I could. I don’t know the words hiding behind my teeth. Hidden away from the world, and if I started talking I wouldn’t be able to stop. But I can’t start.
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love-toxin · 1 year
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Are you writing for DMC now? If so, would you consider doing the smut alphabet for V? Your post about V just put me back into DMC’s chokehold omgg
OFC!!! i certainly am and i certainly will for my sweet emo husband <333
V - (a-z)
(cws: gn pronouns, switch!v, mild spit kink, roleplay, body worship/general worshipper complex, teasing, power switching, cockwarming, jealousy, a little somno)
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A = Aftercare
Taking care of you after the act is very important to him. Sex in itself is sacred to him, he doesn't downplay the sentiment of you sharing your body with him (and such a beautiful one at that) so he spends quite a lot of time ensuring that you're warm, clean, comfortable, and safe above all else. The only problem is that he's usually completely wiped out after having made love, especially if it was a little rougher than usual or went a little longer, so he has to duck out of the way of your caring hands as you try to get him to sit down and just relax--he is absolutely fine, darling, he promises not to keel over so soon. He would love to have your hands on him in any other situation, but he's determined to provide for you in this area, so you'll just have to watch for once as he stumbles and braces himself especially hard on his cane as he moves to warm up a bath for you.
B = Bondage
Bondage isn't really all that for him, and for good reasons: he likes having your hands on him, and what if he ends up not being able to get you out when you're done? Or hurts you? He'll steer clear of it save for the really gentle stuff--he'd probably be okay with handcuffs, for example, because he could get you out of them fairly easily--although he'd probably be more okay with you tying him up if you end up liking that more. He's not afraid of you getting a little rough with him, after all.
C = Cum
As sensitive as his body can be, it actually takes him quite a long time to cum. It's a little annoying for him when he's alone, since he can't get off as easily and he's honestly not terribly sure how to do it properly--but that means he's usually a bit backed up, so the cum he does release is pretty thick and completely opaque with that pearlescent shade of cream. It's quite satisfying to see that splattered all over your face, or leaking out of you when he's finished and tapping out, and he likes that you think it's especially attractive and when you beg him to give you a nice, big load he's got saved up. His tattoos glow a little when he orgasms, too, which is pretty fascinating to watch. However, he's quick to get a little meek when Griffin comes out later blabbing V's ear off about "feeling more chilled out than usual", and he has to bite his tongue while you laugh, hoping his companions don't think about it too deeply before the chattiest one never lets him live the truth down.
E = Experience
D = Dirty Secret
It takes a while before he feels comfortable enough to introduce the idea, but he really wants to try having you cockwarm him while he reads from his poetry book aloud. Whether by sitting on his lap or having you on your knees while he's nestled deep in your throat, he wants to stroke your hair and praise you between lines as he reads through his favourite poems and feels you trying not to squirm, so you don't distract him. If you do, though, he'll just close his book and insist on you getting all that energy out of your system, and sit back while you ride him all on your own or choke him down to the base until either of you have finished--and then he can go right back to reading, either with his cum leaking out of you and down into his lap, or spilling down your throat for you to whimper and try to swallow without distracting him again.
Obviously he's got very little experience, at least consciously--he probably has a few inklings of muscle memory left over from you-know-who, so his instincts are probably a little better than you would expect. But V still likes to be shown what you enjoy, and he wants to learn from the source how to please you. So a little handholding in the beginning is necessary for him to grasp how his darling likes to be touched.
F = Favourite Position
He likes any position that has you on top of him, particularly when you're riding him and he can rest his hands on your waist to steady you. Not only does it leave little room for him to lose steam and end up disappointing you when he collapses, but he loves to worship you from below and gaze up at you like you're an angel that's descended on him straight from the heavens. That's where you belong, you know: above him, above the world, because you're the most precious thing to have ever graced it.
G = Gloat
You want him to be mean? He can be mean....if you piss him off for real. You hate how protective he is? How he doesn't want you killing demons, even if it's literally your job? How he's an idiot if he thinks you can't protect yourself without him? That's a one-way ticket to earning yourself a hand on your throat and a glower that could cut you when he's got you pinned to a wall. One moan trickling out your mouth immediately catches him on to your little game, and just when you thought you had him wrapped around your finger completely, he's dropping you to fall to your knees and bringing his cane around to stick it between them. He holds it firm and nestles it right up in that sweet spot--and all you have to do to improve his mood is make yourself cum. You can do that, can you not? Or maybe you'll save your dignity and just admit that maybe, just maybe, you can't do everything by yourself.
H = Hair
The hair he's got is sparse, but a more important detail about his hair is what he likes to do with it. He loves having his hair pulled, and he can't pinpoint exactly what's so attractive about it, but whatever it is it makes his back arch and his arms shake whenever you give those black locks a good tug. He likes when you play with it too, when you smooth it away from his face, tuck it behind his ear, wash it, run your fingers through it--no matter how much Griffin makes fun of him for it, V will lay his head in your lap and let you touch his hair even when there's people around. It's impossible to help how good it feels, and the smile and the earnest "You look so handsome, honey!" when he asks you how you feel about it when it turns white just fills his heart with so much warmth.
I = Intoxication
Oh, he doesn't drink, but he's more than happy to care for you when you're stumbling over yourself. It's a little difficult when you're unsteady on your feet but when he gets you into bed, it's exponentially easier to watch over you. And each time you make a reach for him, or tug at his pants with a lusty whisper in his ear, he sweetly thanks you for the compliment with a chuckle before gently laying you back down. He's only got so much energy to spare day to day, and he'd much rather use it when you're sober rather than when you won't remember much.
J = Jack off
As aforementioned, V is a little less experienced in the self-pleasure aspect. He hasn't had much time or much thought in his head to masturbate, so if and when he does, he's a little....unsure. Pair that with the fact that it takes him awhile to cum, and he's usually burnt out and frustrated rather than relieved when he finally gives up. It honestly makes him a little wary about being intimate with you before you try it for the first time together, because he's worried he'll make it into an absolute disaster that ends in neither of you getting off. Thankfully, he soon realizes that not only is that not the case, but that the journey is often times even more exhilarating than the destination.
K = Kiss
Kisses! What a wonderful thing. V absolutely cannot get enough of them--each one has him blushing, smiling, eager for more, and that only escalates in an intimate setting. He could lay you down and kiss every inch of your body for an eternity, to study your reactions every time he kisses a more intimate or sensitive spot is a complete dream to him. He memorizes the places you like to be kissed the most, and he totally demolishes you there with his mouth as he makes love to you. If he could, he would get a tattoo of your kiss marks all over his skin, just to feel like you've always left those pretty stains on him and that you're with him wherever he goes.
L = Lazy
Less so laziness, moreso not having the strength or the energy to get up and get moving--he has more of those days than the average man, and he has endless apologies for not being able to fend for himself as he should. He's really not used to how sweet you can be about it, how you offer to close the distance for him--how you touch him under his clothes as you perch in his lap, whispers racing shivers up his spine as his head tilts back and he submits himself to be at your mercy. On those days nothing feels better than being at your beck and call, and letting you dominate him however you wish.
M = Marking
Speaking of marking, he loves that shit. Marking him, marking you, doesn't matter--he's got some inner desire that's immediately sated when he sees you or himself donned in each other's marks. Whether it's lipstick stains, bruises, bites, hickies, or even cum, V loves it so much he practically craves it. He has no shame about walking around with your mark on him and if he sees you doing the same, or even just rubbing those spots that he knows he left bruises or bites in your skin, he gets all riled up and does a lot of shifting and throat clearing until he can slip away and get you into the closest area of privacy for a little alone time.
N = CNC
Much like bondage, it doesn't really strike him as being his thing. Honestly, he dislikes the idea of you not wanting him period....but that doesn't mean he's not willing to give it a try if you'd like him to, because he's pretty good at playing the part. And the one fantasy he kinda likes is one that plays on the whole "Demons and Hunters" idea, where one of you is the demon wreaking havoc and the other is the hunter sent to destroy them. Whether the demon is dominant or the hunter is and whoever you two end up playing, it's usually a pretty good time to get straddled or to hold you down as he whispers about "reforming your fiendish ways", all while you both fight for dominance so you can take whatever you want from the other. Plus, he gets to see that sweet face of yours twist up with emotion whether it's in victory or defeat, which is by far his favourite part.
O = Oral
He definitely does not have a preference because it blows his mind whether he's giving or receiving, but he also has no preference for what he's going down on, either. He's fascinated by what you look like down there, he's got that urge inside him to explore and to discover all those things about you that only he's permitted to see, so practically anything about you is cause for his intrigue. Whether you have hair or don't, what kind of reactions you show him when he kisses his way down your inner thighs, whether you buck into him or shyly squeeze your eyes shut....goodness, you're just so perfect in every way, he could have you on his tongue for hours and never get bored of watching you cum for him. Somehow, even when you're the one sucking him off, he can end up switching it so you're the one on your back and he's the one with his head between your legs.
P = Panties
Q = Quickie
Stealing your underwear? No, of course, he would never do that....he professes it so smugly, and yet he'll turn around and you'll spot a little blot of colour peeking out from his back pocket, knowing fully well that it's yours and he's saving it for later. V's not a rampant panty thief by any means, but he certainly steals a pair every so often either to tease you, or because he genuinely misses you. Or, sometimes, if you're mad at him or he's mad at you--holding those up to his mouth and smelling them a little instantly gives him a head rush, and stirs his groin as he thinks only of you. Sometimes it's the quickest way to get over those little arguments and squabbles.
Usually V doesn't engage in a quickie unless you're the one encouraging it. He likes to think he can keep his composure even under duress and he does, but if his sweet angel needs him so badly you're tugging on his arm and whimpering even when there's people within earshot, he's certainly not going to be the one to turn you away. It's hard to get him to speed things up like that since he likes going slow, but if you take control a little bit then you'll be happy to see that he's prepared to do whatever it takes to get you off, even if it means making a fool of himself and looking heavily disheveled when you rejoin your companions.
R = Risk
Honestly, he's not risking much during sex other than his bodily health and his exhaustion. You can pretty much do whatever you want without worry, because not only is he completely devoted to you and therefore has little to no chance of catching anything, but he can't exactly....produce anything, with him not really being completely human. So pregnancy isn't too much of an issue, and he hasn't ever really had space to think about it, so as long as you're still comfortable with it he's more than happy to do it unprotected as often as you want. Of course the only thing he could be risky with is his health, so if he's having a pretty good pain day and he's in the mood, he might ask if you want to try ruining him tonight--just doing it over and over and over until he literally can't move, and you can pretty much just use him for your pleasure in whatever way you wish. It's a rare pleasure, but a pleasure for him all the same when it's with you.
S = Spit
Spitting on you he can certainly do, but spitting in you is objectively even more arousing to him. He loves that moment when he's getting ready to slide in, pushing your legs back or pulling your mouth open to lean over and spit directly inside--it's dirty and it's filthy and it makes him feel like you're his. When you moan in reply it makes him feel powerful, makes him feel wanted, and he just loses his mind when you turn right around and do the same thing to him; spit on his tongue or the tip of his cock before you start lapping at it. And when you're kissing, all sloppy and needy as you're taking his cock, and you both break away to find a trail of spit connecting your swollen lips? That's something that could make him cum so hard his whole world blurs out and he just has to cling to you and bury his face in your chest as he paints your insides white.
T = Toys
He pretends to be uninterested when you whip something like that out, perhaps even unimpressed. But if you like something, he truly can't ignore it, even though he will tease you about it until you give him a reason to shut that pretty mouth of his. "Why would I have need an artifact such as that, when I have the most delightful-hrk!" He certainly bites his tongue when you ease your new fleshlight down on the tip of his stiff cock, and very quickly help him realize there's a whole world of sensations he's never experienced--but he's going to, if you have anything to say about it. Even if he moans and whines about you fucking him with it and making him waste a cumshot inside that stupid toy, rather than inside the warm, welcoming, angelic walls of the love of his life.
U = Unfair
He's a little unfair sometimes, he's gotta balance out all that worship he's so prone to giving you, after all. He might tease you about being needy, or for staring at him when you think he's not looking, or he'll even get cocky enough to tease you when you're right on the edge and ask you to tell him just how much you want it while you're trembling on his cock. It's so cute when you whine and take it and relent into begging him for what you want, but he likes it just as much when it pisses you off and you manhandle him for it--pushing him up against a wall or pinning his wrists down while you're sat in his lap, and either groping him and mocking him for getting hard, or riding him so roughly he gasps and his hips ache while you throw his words back in his face.
V = Volume
Surprisingly, he's not terribly loud. One would think he'd have trouble controlling his volume, but he's naturally pretty soft-spoken and he's usually not too bad at keeping himself in check when he needs to. That means you might not always catch what he says, though, but you can assume it's usually something along the lines of "I love you, please keep going, you're such an angel, I'll give you everything forever, you feel like heaven on my skin," if not some poetry he's kept in mind when he read it and thought of you.
W = Wildcard
Despite having at least some respect for Dante, V is wildly jealous of him and despises any moment you spend around him, even if he's with you. You can only assume where that comes from, but either way you can use it for your benefit if your beloved pisses you off or if you just want attention from him that you're not getting. Let Dante flirt with you for a little bit, and V will be on top of you the second you're alone with an incredible kind of strength you seldom ever see. That's an occasion where you'll most likely be sneaking away with a limp and have to cover up the marks he leaves for days.
X = X-Ray
It's both adorable and shocking that V thinks he's not that big, especially since he's absolutely a shower over a grower. He's pretty long but not all slender, his cock has a curve upwards when it's stiff and the tip takes on that pretty, purplish hue when he's really needy--he's also got a few visible veins running up the length of it that are even more sensitive than he is, and although he makes it out to be not a big deal, he can't help the smugness that fills his head when he lowers you down on him that first time and sees the way you gasp and flinch as you try to adjust. If you make any comments about how you can feel him stretching you out, or that he's so deep you swear he's shaping you to fit his cock alone, it's a surefire way to have V melting like putty in your hands and giving you absolutely whatever you want.
Z = Zzz
Y = Yearning
When does V not desire you? The answer is never. You're the person who makes him feel loved, and he always feels so protected from the world whenever he's with you. Expressing that adoration he has for you can only be done in the same few ways before he has to intensify it--reading poetry and speaking sweet words to you only go so far, they don't express it completely, and when he feels he needs to show it more is when you have the sweetest, most intense sharing of souls and bodies that you may ever experience in this life.
Seeing you sleep next to him, completely at ease and comfortable in his presence, is a triumph that he never takes for granted. Never once has he thought he'd have such deep, pure love as the kind he has with you, so to see it shown in such a humble and vulnerable way makes him feel as though he has the whole world in his arms. So if you give him permission to entertain himself while you're in that most vulnerable state, V is beyond flattered--but when he does take you up on your offer, he almost always ensures he does so just before he knows you're going to wake up. It's such a privilege to make love to you at any time, but it's far more indulging to get to see those reactions of yours when you wake up to him kissing those precious spots between your legs. Or, even better, hovering over you with shaky breaths as he confesses his love, just before pressing himself inside to creampie you right as you're waking up.
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