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ssscentral · 3 years

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serotonin | for ara

Summary: He loves to rile you up - and you let him every time.

Pairing : Jungkook x female reader

Genre : Fluff, Romance, e2l (but not really), Established Relationship

Warnings : Kissing - nothing else

WC : 1.5k

Member : Lillia & Rid || @moccahobi & @taegularities

A/N : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR MAKNAE @heejinnien!!!!!! I hope your birthday is an amazing one! Some of us (@tae-cup, @hoebii, @jinings, @voiceswithoutlips, @biaswreckme, and @xiaokoo) have created a few collaborative pieces for your birthday! So take some time to celebrate and relax with our fun (and most def not quickly put together) fics! We love you so much and are so glad to be friends with you! May this birthday be an amazing one!!!! 💜💜 - Lillia

Jungkook was the epitome of hard work. If there was anyone you would’ve named as annoyingly competitive at your school, it would’ve been him - sarcastic, fierce, smart, always trying to up you whenever he could.

The science lab that you both shared was always an intense business, and the class knew how the whole lab would be punctuated by the teacher deciding which of you was more correct as soon as you and Jungkook entered the room. The semester had started one month and a half ago, but the whole team of teachers had taken note of the mess that the pair of you were. From trying to out correct each other to vying for the TA’s praise, the competition between the two of you was something that made everyone gawk and laugh at. This lab was no different.

It was a simple class to help you start familiarizing yourself with tardigrades before you did experiments on them later. You were simply tasked with drawing them and documenting the development of their eggs, but you didn’t think even such a thing could turn into a full-on war between Jungkook and you.

“So, if you look closely, some of you might have pregnant tardigrades under their microscope. The person who spots them and manages to document everything correctly, will get some chocolate from me the next time,” your teacher encouraged you, always the nicest sweetheart of your college.

Curse Jungkook’s superior art skills because even though both of you had pregnant tardigrades, it was like comparing a toddler’s hard work to something that belonged in MOMA.

“Teacher…” Jungkook shot you a knowing look after interrupting more of the teacher’s praise of his diagram.

“Yes, Mister Jungkook?”

“Well, you see… I know you expressed a want to hang up the diagram… but I honestly don’t feel like it’s the best I can do. Especially since Y/N knocked my elbow a few times and even scribbled something on my paper. I mean, I tried to make the scribbles look like part of the diagram… but I know I could do better. Could I try to redo it for extra credit?”

“Miss Y/L/N. Did you really try to ruin his work?”

You floundered some and glared at the lying Jungkook, “N-no! I mean I did bump into him, but when our chairs are so close together, it is bound to happen! It wasn’t to try to sabotage him.”

The teacher’s eyes narrowed before she nodded at Jungkook and continued on with the lesson, her better nature taking what you said as truth… as it was! That “bumping” was simple brushing him… that you might have intended, but still! Not maliciously! When the teacher’s back was turned to you and Jungkook, you sent him a glare, to which he smirked back before focusing on the teacher again who was pointing out more details about the tardigrades that needed to be added to diagram labels.

And although the lesson was still not over - technically - she spoke up as soon as you and Jungkook handed in your work. “Perfect! As promised, Mister Jeon and Miss Y/L/N may leave earlier - you worked hard today again!” your professor announced, clapping her hands and spurring on the rest of the class to do the same - you could clearly see how annoyed and unmotivated your classmates were, and it made you chuckle.

Grinning back at Jungkook, you put the strap of your bag around your shoulder, knowing that he’d follow you very soon. He always did. The corridor was empty, the classes still going on as you heard his faint footsteps behind you. You rolled your eyes - no matter how many times you beat him in class (even if today, you only beat him by answering more stuff correctly), he’d always stay right next to you.

You walked in silence for quite some while until you stepped out into the pleasantly warming sun, the fresh wind grazing your skin and playing with your hair softly. There was a park you’d always go to, one that belonged to the campus, but mostly stood empty despite the large number of students at your school. Most of the students spent their days flitting between classes and fulfilling last minute assignments and they barely had time to look or go to the park that was ever so slightly out of the way from the other, less cool, outdoor spaces your college offered.

Considering the fact that beautiful flowers and plants bloomed on the grounds of the small park, you felt like the students who never cared to visit were stupid and oblivious to the park’s amazingness. It was a perfect place to study, relax or spend time with friends, and now that you were released from your last class of the day, you didn’t yet feel the urge to go back to your dorm room yet. You approached a bench, your bench, directly next to the swing set.

As you almost reached it, still aware of how close your rival was, Jungkook suddenly grabbed your wrist to pull you close to him, his face just inches away. Trapping you in his arms, his eyes wandered to your lips.

“Aren’t you tired of following me around all the time?” you asked with a bratty smile, throwing back your hair as you awaited his answer.

“How could I ever?” And without a warning, he pressed his lips against yours before you could even give him your devilish smirk that he loved so much.

That was bound to happen, you knew it, and you relished in the intense feeling his careful touch gave you. He kissed you gently and with so much unsaid emotion that you tried to match, enjoying the soft touches of his hands against your body and the feel of his firm body under your hands. All of this, you both and your secret relationship, had started not long ago. Always the bantering couple that the school loved so much and you had long been selected as the ultimate OTP - something that meant one true pairing nowadays, many students asking if the class rivalry had ever become more.

As he kissed you, mouth moving against yours tenderly, softly, affectionately, the excitement in your body increased, wanting nothing more than to stay here in the empty park with him forever, pressed against his chest. In his arms with your lips locked together, nothing else seemed to matter. Not his insane art skills or who outperformed the other in class or grades. It was just the tender kisses and touches of him.

When he let go, stroking your cheek with his fingertips gently, he smiled endearingly. “Seeing you all riled up and motivated to beat me is so hot.”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you pushed him away slightly, but his hands on your waist stayed stubbornly, firmly holding you in his grip as he laughed at your expression. “Good that you think that. I just can’t believe how much fun you have annoying the hell out of me in front of our teachers.”

“You’re the cutest when riled up,” Jungkook said with a smirk.

“And I can’t believe you said that I scribbled on your diagram today! We are stooping to lies now?”

Jungkook laughed lightly, one of his hands traveling down your arm to hold your hand. “Well… You got all pink when I brought up the bumps. I enjoyed watching you flush. You’re just so cute, Y/N.” He pinched your cheek as he said the last words.

What? You blinked slowly, a robotic laughing coming out of you. “Jungkook. I love you… but don’t do that again.”

“What? Can you repeat? I didn’t hear?” Jungkook’s ears were pink as he looked at you hopefully, his eyes glistening and shining as he spoke.

“Don’t do it again.”

“Nooo! What was the first part? I wanna hear it again.” He whined and squeezed your hand tightly while bringing it up to his chest.

Mimicking a deep thought process, you pursed your lips and scrunched your brows together. “No. You’ve not been a good boy.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened in shock as his lips parted wordlessly, his hand going slack in yours. Laughing excitedly, you quickly removed yourself from Jungkook, set your bag down, and started off away from him.

“You might have to catch me to get me to say anything more!” you shouted when you were only a meter or so away, quickly catching Jungkook’s attention once again.

Even from how far away you were, you saw the tell tale competitiveness flow into him as he raced off after you. A squeal left you when he came closer and you quickened your pace, but it was no use. Jungkook was so much faster and stronger than you and before you knew it, he had swooped you up in his arms and spun you around.

“Tell me, you love meeee!” Jungkook whined childly as he set you down, pouting at you as he started to pepper your face and neck with soft kisses.

His kisses tickled you, and he enjoyed that every single time. “I-I lo-love yo-you!” you managed to squeal out before once again, he was kissing your lips.

“Good, because I love you too.”

#bts x reader #jungkook x reader #ssscentral #sssc #jeon jungkook x reader #e2l #established relationship #bts romance #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #jk fluff #bts fanfiction #moccahobi #taegularities #HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MAKNAE #WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH

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airi-p4 · 3 years

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Face up (songfic) - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Epilogue

Remember my illustrated fic + comic ‘The listening’? I started writing this other songfic around that time, since the song is by the same author. This is everything I could finish for Wipril... *sigh*

Inspired by the song ‘Face up’ by Lights. (Lyrics in bold)

Summary: Marientte is tired. Busy with work, unmotivated and uninspired; her life has become monotonous and lifeless. Regretful for neglecting her friendship with Alya, she finally accepts her invitation to go out one Friday evening to a pirate themed bar called 'Liberty', in which according to Nino, an 'incredible amazing guitarist' was going to play...

AO3

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Chapter 1

' I shouldn't have come '

A mountain of files and clothes are piled on Marinette's desk. Work, work, work and more work. It had been a while now since Marinette's life has been revolving only around her jobs and studies. Days. Weeks. Months. She felt like a robot programmed just for that sole purpose.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was tired.

And so was also her best friend Alya, fed up of being turned down whenever she asked her to go out somewhere together.

But not that evening: Alya and Nino decided to drag Marinette out of her lonely apartment, to let her enjoy a proper and well deserved break after days without seeing the daylight. 'How can a 21 year old Lady not go out and have fun!? ' Alya had asked her. And she had been forced to accept, out of the regret of constantly failing and neglecting their friendship.

The chosen place for their friendly meeting was a musical bar on a ship called 'Liberty'. Small round tables and some stools were ready to be used for its consumers, 2-4 seats for table. Some wooden benches with comfortable looking cushions at the sides of the bar and some stand-by tables outside were also part of the ship's furniture. Both outside and interior design seemed to be trying to imitate a pirate ship with dark wooden flooring, walls, stage and counter. Some vintage rock music related posters were on the wall, next to treasure maps and, surprisingly, they still managed to keep the pirate theme on point. The counter was just at the entrance and the lights were focused mostly to the stage at the back of the bar, making the lighting quite low for the guests- 'too dark to draw' , Marinette confirmed.

According to Nino, the best thing about this bar was that, on Friday nights, it held multiple artists performances from 8pm to 12pm, an hour each. And according to him, some awesome guitarist was playing at 11pm. His eyes were showing his contagious enthusiasm and Alya soon got excited too.

But Marinette's mind was not focused on the bar or the music. It was 10:25pm, and Alya had dragged Marinette there early- at 8:40- so they could get a table- the limited seat capacity and amount of customers surely proved it was necessary, but she couldn't focus on her surroundings as in her head thousands of work-related thoughts occupied her mind.

To draw, sew, bake, study and to sleep in order to work more, all in an endless loop. That had been Marinette's routine for weeks, and she had no intentions of stopping until she finished all her constantly coming errands- but they were endless. She felt like a robot programmed only to work and she almost forgot what free time was.

'I want to go home', the aspiring fashion designer kept repeating to herself.

But the guests of the bar seemed to favor her best friend's ideas: enjoying the music. Marinette's eyes took a minute to observe her surroundings, noticing how crowded the bar was getting as 11pm approached. At her side, Marinette could see how excited Alya and the recently arrived Nino were, clapping and dancing next to her.

But Marinette was not feeling it. Not at all.

A big sigh left her mouth as she used the table as she played unamused with the melting ice cubes from her drink, trying to ignore the strident rock background music. She was exhausted and not in the mood for 'fun'. She was tired and her eyelids were slowly closing, but just when her mind started to find its way to dreamland, Alya called for her attention.

"Look, Marinette! The guests in the second row middle table are about to leave! It's our chance to get a closer seat to the stage!"

"Ugh…"

The stage was just a few steps away, but it seemed like kilometers to the young woman.

"C'mon, Marinette! Nino secured the seats! Grab your drink and stuff and let's go over here!"

Exhaustion and somnolence confused Marinette's senses while Alya jolted and called her.

"C'mooon… Nino can't keep looking for our seats forever! Not when there are so many people eyeing up those stools!"

Marinette knew Alya was correct. And not only that: she was pretty impatient and intense, too, so she was well aware that refusing her was almost impossible.

Finally, she made it to the closer to the stage table and had a slurp of her drink. 'Maybe Alya is right and I can try to enjoy the live performances?' .

She tried, yes. But nothing. She wasn't feeling the music.

'When will I be able to have fun too? When will I be able to have a rest and forget about work? When will I be able to enjoy life? When will I be able to LIVE my life…? '

I just want to feel alive

She was stressed. No inspiration seemed to strike her lately, and she had been too busy to go look for it. And honestly, she didn't expect to find some in this old-fashioned dark pirate themed bar. With those thoughts, Marinette rested her head on her hands wishing for the time to go faster so she could already go back home.

The bar became more than full when the clock pointed to 11pm.

Marinette frowned her eyebrows. "Can I go home now that the performance is over?" She asked.

Alya directed her a deathly glare and Nino gasped in shock. "No way, dudette! You can't be serious!" The boy then pointed to their surroundings. "See? All these people gathered here to see the musician I told you about! His talent is no joke, just look at that!" An excited Nino commented, showing her how people were even waiting outside of the bar and even outside the ship in order to listen to his music, as she could see through the round fisheye windows. Was it even allowed to have so many guests on the ship? Wasn't it overcrowded? Or going to sink? Marinette worried. 'Why should I worry when I'm already sinking myself, huh? '

"I'm getting all excited already!! Look at that, Marinette" Alya commented. But Marinette was not answering. She was playing with a straw in between her teeth, instead. "Marinette!!" Her friend insisted, but emerging turbulent bubbles on her drink was her only response.

"Oh, look! He's here!" Nino suddenly exclaimed, and both her friends seemed to forget about her to focus on the stage. 'Maybe it's my chance to leave when they aren't looking' , she thought, but she had to wait until Alya's arm stopped being linked with hers to make her move. She hoped for that moment to be soon.

"Wohooo" the crowd became loud immediately after Nino's said guitarist appeared on the stage from the back door.

Marinette didn't even look. She wasn't interested. She just wanted to get home, finish her work, sleep, and get some well deserved hot bath to relax.

"Good evening. My name is Luka. Wow, so crowded today! I can see some new faces... Hi there. Thank you all for coming"

'His voice sounds nice' Marinette thought, taking a quick look at him for the first time: blue hair, tattoos, piercings and an electric guitar on his hands. There was a stool ready for him, but he was not using it. His aura definitely stood out and he was glowing in the stage lights.

Before starting, he played a few random notes, to check the guitar and the volume. The crowd was excited just with that. Not interested in the music, Marinette let her mind travel to her work space again, taking mental notes on how to proceed with her commissions when she made it home.

"Today's first song is an oldie: 'Space show' by CrocoDuo"

It took only an instant for the aura of the bar to change completely. The audience was losing it at the combined sound of his voice and guitar. Some young women were fangirling and squealing. Nino's eyes were sparkling and Alya's body moved, dancing along with the music.

'He's good' Marinette thought, trying to stop her fingers from tapping on her chin at the music's rhythm. As the song was close to its end, during its instrumental part, the blue haired young man took a big look at the audience, grinning at the excited crowd. Marinette closed her eyes and tried to focus again on her mental work, frowning her nose and eyebrows hard, trying hard to concentrate on finding whatever inspiration she could in the music. But she didn't seem to get it right.

As the last notes of the song elongated, the musician spoke again.

"Oooh? What do we have here…? Don't you know the rules, lady? No sad faces allowed on this ship!"

Marinette was unaware the guitarist was talking to her until Alya bumped her elbow to her ribs to catch her attention and pointed to the stage.

"What?"

She was surprised to find the guitarist staring at her eyes. ' He's handsome ' her inner self told her when their eyes locked and she was feeling called by its blueness. Her smile remained unseen, confused and unsure if it was really her the one he was talking to, but her heart skipped at the eye contact.

"Yes, there, the lady on the second row, you… you seem to be feeling like this" he said, and then played some chords that seemed to describe the feelings of her repetitive, uninspired and unmotivated life perfectly.

She felt like her secret had just been exposed to all the customers of the bar. Embarrassment was too much to handle, and she kept her head low. As the famous song says: 'Killing me softly with his song'.

"A beautiful lady like you deserves to feel something like this" he said, and the music this time brought her back to her cheerful and happy childhood memories, something she hadn't felt for years. ' Wow. How can he do it? '

"Let me try to cheer you up". He placed his electric guitar aside and grabbed his acoustic instead. After adjusting it, he sat on the stool and brought the microphone to his mouth. Then, a totally different melancholic sound started filling the bar as he tested the strings. The audience seemed pleased and curious. "That's rare for him" Nino whispered, making Marinette's eyes open even bigger.

Suddenly, accurately and quickly, his eyes darted to meet directly at Marinette's eyes, with a soft but determined gaze that conflicted Marinette's unprepared heart.

The times you don't wanna wake up

'Cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up

'Wow… I surely look depressed, don't I?' Marinette thought, surprised of how the lyrics fit with her daily thoughts.

The sun is always gonna rise up

You need to get up, gotta keep your head up

Look at the people all around you

The way you feel is something everybody goes through

Marinette then looked at Alya and Nino, who were nodding with a sympathetic smile at her. The rest of the people at the bar seemed to agree with the lyrics too, nostalgic smiles on their peaceful faces. ' Is it ok to feel like this? Am I really not alone? ' The song continued.

Dark out, but you still gotta light up

You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up

The lyrics were surely… encouraging. Marinette could feel her heart become lighter and more confident, relaxed too. She then focused again on the guitarist, who had a kind expression on his face that almost made her fall for him. Almost ?

"C'mon, everybody, help me cheer this pretty lady up!" he said, his smile softly widening as he repeated the lyrics of the song. Soon, the audience joined to sing with him and Marinette felt embarrassed but touched at the kindness of all those strangers towards her. Alya put a supportive hand on her shoulder too, encouraging her to join the chorus.

And finally her face lit up and she started singing a little after remembering the lyrics. Her face was not looking down anymore and an honest shy smile was finally on her face.

Alya looked relieved, while Nino had an: ' I told you he was good ' smirk on his face. Meanwhile, the guitarist never stopped smiling at her.

Luka's gaze was dangerous for Marinette's heart, as a pleasant warmth began to occupy it. A feeling she hadn't felt for a long time was now threatening to stay, sinking deeper inside her heart with every syllable he sang.

"See? That's much better. You have a beautiful smile. Don't hide it!" Marinette blushed at his compliment and she couldn't stop smiling like a lovestruck fool.

After winking at her, Luka continued with his performance. "Ready to enjoy some rock and roll now? Next is 'Rock Giant' by Jagged Stone"

Marinette's favorite song. Did he know that too? ' Wow! It sounds even better than the original' . As soon as he started to play and sing Jagged's most iconic melody, Marinette was finally loosened up to enjoy the music. It was the fastest an hour that had passed for her while having fun. Wow . And she was grinning at the excitement, while trying not to freak out at the short glances and smiles the musician directed to her from time to time, or the long stares she pretended to not notice. She could notice her heart beating again after what it seemed like an eternity.

She felt alive. More than she had felt in months, maybe years.

But the performance had a set time to end...

"Thank you for coming. That's all for today. You're the best!" he grinned, while wiping some of the sweat drops that ran down his face. It was obvious he gave it his best and the audience was all in for it. Marinette had never seen anyone able to enthrall the public like this before. He was… absolutely amazing in the crowd's eyes, Marinette's included.

"Noooo!! Encore encore encore!" the bar customers started begging in loud voices, and Luka couldn't keep his gratitude to himself, as his fond smile showed. He looked at his surroundings, slowly, memorizing every face, as if thanking each of them individually. Until his kind yet powerful gaze stopped to focus directly on Marinette's pupils and his smile widened.

"You want an encore, guys? What does the lady on the second row say?" he teased with a smirk that made Marinette's knees weak. She could feel her face flushing red as the people of the bar's eyes focused on her.

"E- Encore!" She shouted in a voice she wasn't aware she owned.

"So you want an encore, right? Very well. Here's the last song for today: ' Liberty ' by Luka".

The energetic and happy cheering for the encore audience lasted only until Luka's guitar strings started to vibrate to form a melody.

"No way, dude!! A Luka inédite original song! Alya, we have to record this!" Nino fuzzed, pulling his phone out from his pocket. "Awesome!"

The song was amazing and had the audience lose it. 'Wow' . Marinette was speechless and she could feel the adrenaline flow through her body like it hadn't for years. Unable to tear her focus from the musician, the young woman could feel her heart beating faster- too fast.

When the song finished Marinette noticed how half the audience was crying in excitement and how the fangirling women from before were close to passing out. It was a very good song with good lyrics about looking for your inner freedom- totally fitting for Marinette. And his final greetings started.

"Thank you. Did you have fun?"

"Yeah!!! Wohoo!!!"

"Great, I'm glad. Thank you so much!" he giggled. "Thanks to you, it seems I have a new song to write" Luka said, with his sharp eyes and slightly curved smile hinting those words were meant for a certain lady seated on the second row. "And remember: the Liberty is a place where you can be free, honest to yourself. Feel free to come here anytime. Everyone is welcome here. Well, except agent Roger, maybe?" Luka said, pointing at the grey haired woman at the counter, who laughed at his comment. "Good night, everyone!"

Before leaving the stage through the back door, Luka exchanged one final look with Marinette and waved at her. Or so she wanted to believe, even if she wasn't sure.

‘ He’s so hot ’. Marinette fanned herself with her hand and drank all the alcohol that remained on her cup. It wasn't cold anymore and she needed to cool down, so she stopped the goth waitress with long purple hair to order a drink, and a minute later the small blond short-haired waitress brought it to her. She drank it in one shot, mouth dry from the shouting and her burning cheeks and quickly beating heart.

"Hot much?" Alya teased her best friend, with a knowing smirk.

"I told you he was lit! Wow! He even played a brand-new original song! You don't know how lucky we are. We have to come back again sometime soon!" Nino enthusiastically exclaimed. "A man like that is going to make it big in no time. We won't get the chance to get to listen to him like this when he becomes internationally famous"

Marinette couldn't help it but to agree. He was amazing… in all aspects. Maybe… it wasn't a bad thing she came…

No. It definitely wasn't.

"Yeah… maybe live performances aren't bad… maybe… we should come again, yes…" Marinette said under her friend's satisfied and knowing smile.

Who would have thought she would find inspiration on a pirate ship themed bar? She had unwillingly come and found something she didn't regret, as she found something even more unexpected: a crush on a talented guitarist.

And even though she was not sure if she was ready to pursue someone or to start a relationship, she knew she didn't want the clock of her life to keep spinning around a monotonous life, and she had just felt the way she had been wishing to feel for years; ALIVE.

'Yes… I'll definitely come back again'

#my fic #airipyon #airip4 #songfic #lukanette fic

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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Hi i love your blog so much its my comfort place.

So i have been in this journey for 4 or 5 months i manifested small stuff ever now and then but i still don’t believe its my creation my mind be like “its a coincidence” the thing is that am so tired of my mind negative thoughts defeating and sabotaging me this way why being positive and excepting good stuff makes me feel super delusional i am so tired of not having the things that i want i am so tired of waking up to life I don’t like no matter how much am trying to live my life in the 3d i just hate it here i distract myself a lot by drawing or going out but things just get worse i hate that i have this feeling that i will never achieve anything and that my future will just be miserable and depressing and like whenever i try to make the decision that its done & i have what you want i fall for the 3D again and i have to admit that i never persisted before because when reality keep telling you no no no and am just like i have what i want i feel delusional and my logical mind be like “that makes no sense” “if it was that easy everyone would do it” am really afraid to give myself false hope that i can have my desires i am so tired of looking at my desires and never having them i am so tired of waiting and living just existing not living the life i want to experience i tried to let go the concept of time but its super hard i feel extremely drained discouraged and unmotivated I don’t know what to do it breaks my heart everyday feeling like i will never get anything i want i feel like its impossible guide me give me advice please I really feel like giving up completely and accepting my life like that even tho it is so painful

Hi! I am glad that my blog can be that for you! 💖

You really need to take a step back from seeing manifestation as a technique to get the things you want. And you need to spend more time focusing on yourself and lifting yourself up in your mind. I am going to link a few resources to help you understand how to do this.

You're really deep into the victim mindset. I mean, you acknowledge that you at least want to try and see if the law works. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. So that is a good thing! It shows that you're not entirely engulfed in the victim mentality without a way out. However, you are deep in it. You talk about yourself like you have no control whatsoever, as if you aren't able to make choices within yourself. Like you have no choice but to be doubtful and fearful. Which isn't true. And until you take responsibility for yourself, it's going to feel like this tough cycle. I am trying to tell you, if you want to stop "wasting time" in this cycle you're in, you need to take responsibility. That is the only choice you have to break free. You're not powerless. You're actively choosing to stay stuck, because it's comfortable. A difficult thought comes up and instead of staying powerful, you crumble because it's easier. You're used to it. And that's okay, this isn't going to be the easiest thing ever. But it's possible to do and you have to make that commitment to yourself.

Yourself will always be the most important factor in all of this. You need to put your desires on the backburner for a bit, and put yourself at front and center focus. You really don't even need to be worrying about your desires until you're more stable. You're just prolonging the process if you refuse to do this. Your desires are a promise, whether you choose to believe so or not. Your desires aren't going anywhere, they're waiting on you. I'm not here to convince you of anything. I'm here to let you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you're the only one who can walk yourself there.

Stop Being Your Enemy

Taking Responsibility

Having Faith

Why Your Desires

Hopefully you find this helpful! You can do this! 💖

#i am #basics

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laurelleghuleh · 3 years

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𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 | 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, one-shot

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 6.7k

𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐨𝐧: Ao3, Wattpad

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: post-time skip, aged-up characters, implied/referenced sex, sensitive topics(?)

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: This is a kind of “interactive” one-shot. At some point, you’ll find the link for the playlist I’ve created for the story. It’s not mandatory, of course. The songs are mentioned and their lyrics are quoted anyways.

I tried to keep the reader as gender-neutral as possible, I hope it works.

To be honest, I wrote the first half of this one-shot at 3 am after a very deep conversation with a friend of mine about struggling with self-love as “young adults”. It wasn’t meant to be public but I felt like sharing it. I hope this will help or at least cheer you up as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Lastly, italics when Daichi sings/for the lyrics and English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes!

Thanks for reading this, Laurelle.

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Taxes, laundry, rent, bills, grocery shopping, bank accounts, job interviews. These were just some of the things whose thought alone made you already shiver. Adulthood and the multiple responsibilities that had come with it scared the shit out of you, at times it completely fucked up your sleep schedule, and put your sanity at stake, but at least you weren’t alone in this. At least, you had Daichi.

You two had faced college together, one at each other’s side, and now you were again together in that new chapter of your life called adulthood.

By then, you two had been living in that little, yet cozy apartment for a few months. The Karasuno team had lent you a hand by making the move less hard, unpacking boxes and decorating the empty shelves with an unnecessary amount of frames, random objects, and souvenirs from their trips. All of this as Daichi was training at your hometown’s Police Department and as you were trying to find your place in the world, between part-time jobs and “real” job interviews.

The new routine was dull, draining, at times even overwhelming. The closer you were getting to make your dream life come true, the more your daily life felt like a nightmare. The more you felt tired, unmotivated, ultimately empty. And you couldn't help but wonder if that was really worth it anymore.

You started to slowly give up on your hobbies and passions, to spend your free time on the new couch, just spacing out, and to eventually forget about yourself. You didn’t want to sound too pathetic but life seemed to have lost its flavor. At that point, it just tasted like disinfectants and instant noodles.

Those fucking instant noodles … You thought as you looked at yourself in the mirror that evening. None of your planned outfits for that night fitted anymore, none, and at the sudden realization, that familiar smell of instant noodles rose inside your nostrils. But instant noodles weren’t really the point. Your outfits not fitting anymore wasn’t the point either. That you in that mirror was the point. That stranger. That empty shell.

The familiar boomy sound of keys twisting inside the front door’s lock, a click, and Daichi was finally home.

“I’m baaack” You heard him say - almost yell - and then saw him coming inside the kitchen to greet you.

“May I have a kiss?” He shyly asked, placing his hand on the small of your back, drawing little circles to get your attention.

“Sure,” You turned your head for a quick, soft peck on his lips, then got back to your chore.

“Still in your PJs, babe?” He commented, his voice small, clearly weakened by his long, draining day at work.

By that time, you were supposed to be ready to head out, but something in the process went wrong. On the other side of the city, a nice restaurant - highly suggested by Michimiya sometime before - was waiting for you and Daichi to arrive in twenty minutes.

“Yeah… I have to finish cooking these for tomorrow before we head out…” You murmured as your words fell down to the pot beneath you.

That wasn’t a lie, but in all fairness, you were only trying to avoid the truth. Little did you know you were about to experience what living with a future detective really meant.

Besides his professional deformation, when it came to you, Daichi never failed to sense when something was off. Even just from a slight change of your tone. He was so used to your voice that the most insignificant variation of its sound seemed to conceal a tiny, secret message only for him to decipher.

Anyways, you kept looking down, your mind somewhere else, your eyes still lost in the little fog coming from the pot. You still didn’t dare to look at him, which was rather unusual. Strange. Kind of suspicious.

Daichi rocked his head in your direction, trying to find other tangible clues for that particular case he wasn’t expecting to face once at home. Yet nothing was really out of place, except that gloomy aura all around you. Therefore, he decided to just play it cool for the moment and let you be.

Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe he was just being paranoid. The only thing that really mattered was that night to be perfect for both of you.

It wasn’t a special occasion or else, just Daichi’s first free evening after a whole month of night shifts. And in addition to that, that dinner had been meticulously planned the previous week. Nothing could have ruined it. Nothing.

Yeah, he was just being paranoid, for sure. Nothing to worry about.

Daichi moved away from you and walked towards the front door again. Then, he plugged his phone on the little speaker at the entrance and played the playlist you two loved to blast whenever you were at home, cleaning the house, or just swinging from a room to another.

And that was when everything got even more suspicious in Daichi’s perspective.

The first song came on (“Come Through and Chill” by Miguel, J.Cole, Salaam Remi ), the little bass drums slowly filling the room, vibrating from wall to wall, gradually reaching your feet through that old wooden pavement. And yet, you stayed completely still.

Suspicious .

“Everything ok?” He casually asked you from a distance, putting the phone back down on top of the speaker.

“Yeah, good, good. You?” You mumbled, trying to hide your words under the rhythm.

Even more suspicious .

It wasn’t only your voice, but your posture, your face, just your aura that seemed so… Different. Even though you two hadn’t been living together for long at that point, he could simply tell what looked ordinary and what not. You knew each other and dated since college, which at that point meant years of studying the other up close, not only as partners but firstly - and mainly - as friends. Two best friends always looking out for one another. Those had been years of sincere trust and affection.

Funny thing was that neither of you could imagine that a casual encounter in a cafè would have taken that turn. But Suga knew. And Asahi too. Everybody knew, except you two.

One morning, the vending machine of your department was out of order, and that was just the tenth curveball of that day. It’s not even thirty past eight and I already want to go back to sleep , you sighed, walking outside the campus, looking for a cafè or something.

As fate would have it, the tiny, little-known coffee shop you found right behind the corner was Asahi’s workplace, which brought both Suga and Daichi to have their breakfast there every single morning.

Your first time there, your order was mistaken with Daichi’s, one thing led to another, and after a while, you two started hanging out frequently. Then even more consistently. Then no Asahi or Suga around. No coffee shop. Study sessions at his place. Then at your place. A movie night that actually looked and felt like a proper date. And eventually, that friendship blossomed into something else, something pretty serious.

You didn’t even realize when or how that happened, it just felt right. You two didn’t even have a real “date” for when your relationship had begun. For the sake of simplicity, you both used to count from your first kiss, both aware that whatever you two shared had started even before that, even that morning in that tiny, little-known coffee shop.

That was the type of love that comes easily, without warning, silently tiptoeing into your life.

Back in your apartment, once freed from his jacket, Daichi made again his appearance at your side, now wearing a playful look and about to hit his favorite line of the lyrics. He almost made you startle.

“Hello, stranger… It's been a minute since we last kicked it” He sang and swung around you, positioning himself right behind you to wrap you in a warm hug. Then, gingerly nestling his head in the curve of your neck, he breathed against your skin, “Now that I’m home, I’m all good… ”

Bear hugs were Daichi’s thing and also your not-so-secret Achilles’ heel, for sure. So, you just leaned in his embrace and welcomed his familiar, calming scent. But still, you didn’t have the courage to face him.

Very, very suspicious .

Your oddly detached behaviors made his brow pinch and his mind wander as he left soft pecks all over your jaw and neck. No reaction , Daichi thought, taking mental notes of your actions.

At that point, he gave you one last, gentle kiss, this time on your shoulder, right where the hem of your shirt met your skin, and then silently made a step back. Daichi’s first thought was to temporarily let you be. A quick shower and a change of clothes were very much needed after that long day. He thought he still got time to unravel your mood.

Still focused on the pot, you heard him tell you, before disappearing in your bedroom, “I’ve been thinking about tonight all day, love. I literally can’t wait to try this restaurant!”

You felt a knot in your stomach.

Why was it so hard for you to simply tell him? To simply put into words how you felt? You knew he would have understood, you knew how sensitive Daichi was, especially when it came to you. But to look so needy, so lost in his eyes made you feel just weak. Not vulnerable, not emotional, just a weak person in need. And the last thing you wanted was to look or feel like a burden to Daichi. You knew how stressed and overworked he was. That was a pretty tough period for you both and you felt like you had no right to complain. Daichi never did, and all you wanted was to be as strong as he was.

It didn’t take much for Daichi to be ready, all cleaned up and dressed for the occasion. Nothing too elegant or pretentious, he was a very casual type of guy even when it came to clothes, but that was still your night. A little more effort won’t hurt , he thought as he picked his outfit, preferring a classic, white, button-up shirt to his favorite sweater - his safe choice whenever he didn’t know what to wear.

He just wanted to look good that night, to look good for your eyes only.

Right when “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee started, Daichi’s unmistakable cologne stood above the food’s thick smell coming from the pot. You immediately turned around.

He looked handsome, as always. The view made your belly twitch again.

“Hey hon, remember that time we went to see Spiderman with Suga, Asahi, and Kyoko?” He started to speak, crossing the room with slow strides in your direction.

“You fell in love with this song on the spot. Oh my god, I think you blasted it in the car at least ten times on our way back...” He said wrapping his arms around your waist again, making you turn and trying to initiate a slow dance with you.

“I know you’re scared of the unknown, you don’t wanna be alone” He sang, “I know I always come and go,” The lyrics hitting way too close to home, “But it’s out of my control”

At that point, he held you tight, roaming his big, callous hands all over your back as he glanced at the pot from above your shoulder.

“That looks delicious, babe. Can’t wait to eat it tomorrow. I just know it tastes as good as it looks…”

There he was again, being all supportive and loving no matter what. So damn cheesy, he could have made someone sick. But not you.

You weren’t much of a chef yourself and you knew it, but you tried your best. And Daichi appreciated it a lot. He was so proud of you, always so blindly proud. He was undoubtedly a better chef than you were, but he still left you space to experiment and try out new things.

You never thought you could enjoy cooking that much, but probably Daichi being a foodie played a role in that. A foodie, well, possibly the biggest foodie you knew. The thought alone of food could make him insane, let’s say slightly irrational like he wasn’t functioning normally.

That was at the beginning when you both had all the time in the world to even plan a food competition and invite all your friends over to eat and vote for your plates. In the beginning, when that apartment’s walls were still white and bare, when the only furniture you owned was an old red couch and several boxes with all your things still packed inside. In the beginning, when there were way fewer things to care about in your daily routine.

“It’s ready, I guess. I should turn off the stove… ” You mumbled against his chest, then turned around still sweetly trapped in his embrace.

“Then you’re left in the dust… mhmhIdon’trememberthewordsmm” He kept singing behind your back, “ You’re the sunflower, I think your love would be too-”

When the little flame disappeared under the pot, a sharp sigh accidentally left your mouth.

“Daichi…” You breathed, squeezing his right hand still gently pressed on your belly.

Daichi .

You rarely called him by his first name. You’d usually go with “love” or “babe” or whatever sweet name came into your mind at that specific moment. Daichi . “Daichi” was something like a safeword, a code for “I’m dead serious right now”, “Your mum is calling” or, like this time, “Something is wrong”.

At that signal, the Karasuno’s former captain knew exactly what to do as if a ball had just flown past an invisible volleyball net right in front of him. That was just the confirmation he needed to make his move.

Living together, making a long-term relationship works, sticking together regardless, all of these for you both were based on the little things you started to learn about one another. Most of the time failing but never giving up on the other person. And this, this was one of those “little things”.

Daichi .

Wordlessly, he went straight to his phone and turned down the music at its lowest, the songs just a light, almost unperceivable background. You turned in his direction, watching him attentively, in silence, until he beckoned you to follow him.

You did as told and walked with him towards the living room, where he guided you to sit on the couch, your right hand gently secured in his.

He sat down on his heels, right in front of you, and waited, waited for you to say something, giving you all the time you needed to process your thoughts.

Minutes passed, the music still softly playing in the background.

Spendin' all my nights alone, waitin' for you to call me

You're the only one I want by my side when I fall asleep

Tell me what I'm waitin' for

I know it's hard but we need each other

(“SUGAR” by BROCKHAMPTON)

When you lifted your gaze to meet his sweet eyes, like two big, dark chocolate nuggets, you still didn’t know what to say. Automatically, his lips parted to catch your attention.

“Love,” His voice so tender it literally broke your heart to keep that facade any longer.

Your lips puckered, your nostrils widened, your eyes got unexpectedly watery until the first of many tears started to run down your face. When your head fell forwards, hiding between your hands, Daichi immediately got you. His arms circled your frame, welcoming you against his chest as you kept weeping noisily.

Daichi stayed silent, his head pressed against your shoulder, moving in sync with each of your sobs.

“Let it out, babe, don’t hold it back.”

At those words, your weeps only seemed to get worse to the point you didn’t know anymore why you were crying in the first place. Maybe you just needed to let it out, to rest, and let yourself get lost in Daichi’s embrace. His warmth felt like home and it was so comforting that after a while you finally cooled down. Nothing was wrong anymore, you were safe and sound.

“When you’re ready, I’m here to listen.” He whispered.

You nodded against his skin, then drew back, revealing your puffed and reddish face. He immediately stood up and walked towards the kitchen. Once back, he kneeled again in front of you and handed you tissues and a glass of water.

“Thanks,” You murmured and then blew your nose.

Daichi just stared at you, his eyes wandering all over your figure as you shrugged and sighed. You opened your mouth only to close it a second later. You didn’t even know where to start. Your bottom lip quivered, you felt like you’re about to cry again.

“What’s going on, love?” His voice small and tender.

You sighed again and gave a quick look to the clock behind him. It was almost time to leave. Actually, at that point, you were already late. Your eyes found his again and a thought occurred to you. He looked so happy until a moment before, singing and dancing, all dressed up, ready to leave and try that restaurant. But now there he was, all worried for you, down on his knees, not caring if that position was messing and creasing his shirt.

“It’s really nothing. Just had a bad day. I should go get-” You tried to stand up, but Daichi’s hands stopped you right there, pinning you down again.

“Are you sure, that’s just it?”

You couldn’t physically bring yourself to lie to Daichi. Not even for the smallest things. Not even for a white lie.

“To be honest, I don’t really feel like going out tonight…”

His eyebrows twitched. First clue unlocked.

“That’s fine. Let me just give them a call-”

“No, no. There’s no need. We should go anyway. It’s really nothing.”

Daichi was never really fond of you being difficult, he’d rather prefer you being straightforward. But sometimes, your pride overtook you. Nevertheless, that was not the right time to point out you were being too stubborn, so he just reassured you, saying,

“Listen, it’s up to you, babe. Your wish is my command, you know that, right?”

Daichi was always so kind. From time to time, you even believed he was way too good for you. Too good, it’s almost unfair , you thought.

“Really, it’s nothing… I’ve been thinking about tonight all day too. I couldn’t wait to finally spend some time with you…”

He giggled, your sweet tone instantly reassured him, “You know we can always stay at home and just watch a movie, right? Just tell me if you don’t feel like going out and I’ll call the restaurant right away.”

“Well, it’s not that… I… I…” You sighed. You really were being too difficult that time. “To be honest, I don’t know what-” Your voice cracked, “I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Daichi leaned closer and kissed your forehead, then stood up and grabbed his phone. From a distance you clearly heard him talk to someone, apologizing and saying something else you didn’t quite catch. The restaurant , you thought. You instantly walked towards him and tried to oppose, but Daichi politely hushed you and just hung up.

“Why did you do that?” You asked him.

“Cause it seems like you can’t decide right now. The restaurant can wait, really, but whatever is going on with you cannot. And now, if you want to tell me more about it I’m here, if not I’ll just let you be, or if-”

You grabbed his hands, stopping him. Your head swung from side to side as you collected your thoughts.

“It’s just that… I don’t know where to start.” You said and plopped yourself down on the couch.

He softly asked you when that started, if you remembered what little event had possibly triggered your current mood, and suddenly the right words found their way out of your mouth.

It had just been one of those everything-goes-wrong kinds of days, no rest, and too many things to do that eventually you found yourself already in front of the closet without even realizing it. Your eyes were drained and unfocused after all those hours in front of your laptop, working, sending emails, and stuff like that. Your stomach was aching and bloating after eating the previous night’s leftovers. Your legs were sore. Your mind was blank, empty, and at the same time also full of imprecise thoughts about work, what you needed to do before heading out, the dinner, the clothes, that mirror right in front of you.

You described to him this confused overwhelming sensation you had been experiencing for the previous months and all along Daichi was carefully listening to you, nodding and humming. From time to time he tried to comfort you, saying that it was quite understandable since you both started a new, complicated chapter of your lives since there were so many things to be settled and done, etc. He even apologized if he had accidentally neglected you in some way. He was so stressed and focused on work, he barely noticed what was going on with you. But you didn’t seem to listen to his words. Every single time you just replied with the same anxious thoughts you had already said before.

At some point, Daichi interrupted you, saying, “Babe, look at me and be honest,” then grabbed your hands and looked straight into your still reddish eyes, “Do you want me to listen … Or do you want some advice ?”

That was a thing Daichi had learned with time, not only from you but also from his experience as a captain. Sometimes people just need to vent, some other times to be taken by the hand and helped, but there are also other times when people may even need both.

You sighed. “Both I guess?”

He hummed and kept listening at other incoherent stuff you mumbled next about yourself, your image, your perception of yourself, “And that damn outfit! I’ve been thinking about it all day! It was my only option and it didn’t work! I looked terrible, I could barely stand my reflection in the mirror… Why do I have to feel so miserable about a damn outfit?! And then I put my PJ back on and I thought I looked like a fucking cartoon! I wanted to hide under a blanket and just disappear… I must sound delusional right now…”

New clues unlocked.

“No, absolutely, you’re not delusional, love. But... Let me ask you this. What is really bothering you? How you look or how you feel ?”

You tilted your head and pondered his question. At that moment you realized you had never thought about it that way before. How I look or how I feel… , you kept thinking for a while.

However, you still weren’t able to unravel that truth, therefore you just kept rumbling about those stupid clothes not fitting you anymore for another solid couple of minutes.

Daichi chuckled.

“That just means you need to do more shopping, babe,” He pointed out and leaned in to pepper your neck with soft kisses. You couldn’t help but giggle as his kisses alternated with random names of your favorite shops where you two could have gone to the next day to buy something. But eventually, you lightly pushed him away, not because you really wanted to but... Something wasn’t still quite right and you didn’t know what it was. That made you feel ultimately uneasy.

Daichi drew back on his heels, his hands still on your sides, sweetly caressing your hips. He stayed there and just contemplated you as your mind spun around and other vague thoughts piled up in your head.

“So, is there something else?” He softly asked.

“I guess so… It’s not about the clothes. I think it’s me. I look so different and I feel so different, I can barely recognize myself.”

“Love, you have so many things to do, I know it’s hard to find time for you to eat clean or be active. Maybe I should propose less pizza and stuff—”

“No, no, babe, it’s not you... I just feel awful about myself.”

“You feel , but you’re definitely not. I guarantee you that.” Daichi immediately comforted you.

“You know the saying, love is blind…” You tried to joke around.

“It sure is. I could love you with my eyes closed, but even with my eyes wide open, I can’t see anything wrong with you.”

Daichi’s love confessions were sappy at their core, but his voice was always so direct and honest they always sounded like facts. And they never failed to catch you off guard. Daichi used to be shy and awkward in the beginning of your relationship. He was constantly blushing hard and messing with his sentences whenever it came to talk to you. However, with time, his affection and ways started to be so sincere and straightforward you didn’t even know how to contradict him or how to even say anything back.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes…” His tone suddenly painted with melancholy, “Then you could see how beautiful you are, how precious, how…” He felt it too. He felt he was getting too emotional, so he tried to take the edge off, coming back to his goofy side. “No, no. Rewind. You might end up dumping me. Nah nah, not gonna happen!” He muffled, hiding his head against your belly, curling up with his torso over your lap.

You couldn’t help but laugh. You loved him so much.

“Jokes aside,” He said, lifting his head and looking up at you. “Tell me, babe, is this really such a big deal? Because if it bothers you to this point, you should think about it more carefully... Can I help you in some way?”

“Honestly, I-I don’t know how you could help me,” You confessed, “I feel like I’m not taking care of myself, but I also lack motivation to actually do something about it. It’s a dog chasing its own tail, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I get it… Well, I could encourage you, first. But then I could also help you and try to do things with you, like…” He thought about it for a couple of seconds. “What if I call Tanaka? He's a personal trainer but he also knows a lot about nutrition. He may suggest something delicious but fast and healthy for us to cook. It could be beneficial for both of us. We have been literally eating our stress away recently. You know what, I feel bloated too…” Daichi added and then proceeded to touch his tummy.

You lightly pushed him again and started to shower him with compliments. You couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that Daichi could ever possibly be insecure about himself. He was… Daichi. He was just perfect.

He smirked at your reaction and got closer to shut your mouth with a sudden, deep kiss.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He whispered, just an inch away from your lips.

“Sure, what is it?” You said almost laughing. A secret?

“Ok, look at my pants,” Daichi said, drawing back until he stood up, right in front of you.

“Yeah, I’m looking at them and they look really good on you-” You started to say and tried to make him spin around to point out how good he looked in those dark pants. That was actually your favorite pair, you loved the way they highlighted his muscular legs, how- But he stopped you right there.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ok, thanks, but have you noticed that I’m not wearing any belt? And actually haven’t worn one in a while?”

You frowned. Where is he getting at?

“And you know why? I don’t really need one anymore. These pants stay up regardless,” Daichi confessed, giggling, “What I mean is… Look, you still like how they fit me. I still like how they fit me. I just know that you would like them even in another size. I would like them as well.”

You just stared at him, quietly pondering his words.

“Anyways, the pants are not the real point. These are just pants. Those things that didn’t fit you aren’t the real point either. You see what I’m trying to tell you?”

You did. You got what he meant, but you were still doubting yourself somehow. Because, in your mind, not fitting your old clothes was just the result of something that slipped out of your hands as you struggled to take care of anything else, except yourself. It wasn’t about your weight or the clothes, it was about losing track of yourself in the process.

“You think I’m perfect while I may, well, I am certainly not. Same goes for you. None of us is perfect, never been, never will. We are just us,” He got closer and sweetly brushed your hair behind your ears, “But for me, in my eyes, you are. And apparently, I’m too in yours. And that’s all that matters.”

Again, just straight facts.

Also, whenever he gave you one of his motivational speeches, he really looked like a captain. You could vividly picture the scene in your head, his teammates carefully listening to him, hanging off his words, right before an important match or even just a regular training session.

“I know it’s extremely cheesy to hear, but it’s also the truth. You’re perfect just the way you are and you’ll always be to me…” His voice small as he kneeled again in front of you. “Even now. Even if you feel lost. The you you’re looking for is still there, it’s not going anywhere. You just need some time and patience to find yourself again.”

You immediately cupped his face, about to tell him something, but before you could spell a single word, he whispered,

“But… But if this is a problem, something you want to change or improve, something you need some help with, then let’s do it, let’s do it together. No. Better. Let’s do it right now!”

Daichi immediately stood up and ran back to the kitchen, where you used to keep your little notebook. Once back, armed with a pen and unmovable willpower, he sat down again and opened the agenda on your lap. Going through your schedule, he noticed how packed it was, pages and pages filled with appointments and notes, but that didn’t scare him.

“Mmm… So, here’s the plan. Our lunch breaks on Monday and Friday look pretty long. We could… Meet at the park. You know, the one right after the supermarket, down the street-”

You nodded, showing him you were following him.

“We could jog a little and then eat something together! That way we’d see each other, have some fun and do something good for our health too… I know jogging doesn’t actually sound much fun, but I swear we’ll have a good time, babe. What do you think?”

Your lips curled upwards into a soft, little half-moon. You couldn’t say no to that.

“Sounds like a plan…” You simply commented.

He looked relieved and then added, “Also, remember that lunch at my mum’s next Sunday? Why don’t we just skip it and go somewhere fancy, like a spa-”

“But we promised-” You tried to object.

“Babe, I know, I know, but we can go some other time. She’ll understand.”

“Okay…”

“It’ll be beneficial for both of us, for real. To be honest, I think I’m this close to a breakdown too,” He laughed.

“You’re right, we should definitely go… You know, I was also thinking about joining some sort of club. I feel like I don't have a hobby or a passion anymore. It’s always work, work, work, the apartment, work, work, work. I feel so… Arid? Mentally. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah… Me too, I was thinking the same exact thing this morning actually… Maybe I should join a volleyball team again. Nothing serious but like a team to play with, just once in a while-”

Your eyes widened, “Oh God! Yes! Absolutely! You should definitely do that, love!”

Daichi nervously chuckled. He wasn’t expecting such an enthusiastic and energetic reaction from you, not after having seen you so blue and distant since he had come back home.

You loved seeing him playing volleyball. You still remembered vividly the times you used to sneak a peek at his practice and matches during college. The first time you saw him playing, all sweat and absorbed in the game, you did a double-take. He looked so hot.

“Alrighty, I’ll definitely think about it… Don’t worry, love, we’ll figure something out.”

“As we always did…” You added, shyly smiling at him.

That situation made you wonder. Life could be hard at times, but if you had the right people around you to rely on, to fight with, or simply talk to, it didn’t seem like that tough anymore.

“Yeah…” He smiled back and instinctively leaned forward to hug you tightly as you welcomed his frame against your chest.

After a few silent minutes, you muffled against his shoulder, “Thank you… I don’t even know how to tell you how thankful I am right now… ”

And in all fairness, there wasn’t much else to add.

“You could start by being less hard on yourself, love,” Daichi said, still pressed against you, “You’re doing so great…”

“You’re way too good to me.” You murmured back, your voice slightly above a whisper.

At your words, he brushed his head from side to side against your shoulder, silently disagreeing with your affirmation. He was just as good to you as you deserved.

Right at that moment, “Best Part” by Daniel Caesar and H.E.R. came on and Daichi thought that there couldn't have been a better time than that for that specific song to start.

He drew back from your hug and guided you to stand up with him, then walked backward to reach the center of the living room, his eyes still fixed on you.

“Siri, turn up the volume!” He ordered his phone to do as he took you in his arms.

You simply stared at him and followed his actions, like a puppet under his spell. His arms welcomed your figure and your fingers locked, your two bodies perfectly molded one against the other as you slow-danced to the rhythm, allowing yourself to utterly enjoy that moment.

A strange feeling warmed your belly, like an overwhelming wave of happiness was overtaking all your senses. Your mouth instinctively opened to shower Daichi with random compliments, words of gratitude, and all sorts of sweet nothings. He loved to be praised by you but after a while he tried to playfully hush you, holding you even tighter and whispered next to your ear a line of that song that seemed to be written right for you. Better, right for him to sing it for you.

“I just wanna see how beautiful you are, you know that I see it, I know you're a star. Where you go I follow, no matter how far. If life is a movie, oh you're the best part…”

The music eventually faded and an hour later you and Daichi were once again in your bed, curled up in your sheets, as you leafed through Netflix’s catalog, fruitlessly. In the end, you just end up cuddling and ultimately dozing off. Nothing special had happened that night, but you felt so restored, at peace, as if everything was completely fine again.

When you woke up the morning after, Daichi was already gone. You were used to this too. No night shifts meant early shifts. But this also had its perks, like the tiny heart-shaped post-it notes he liked to leave in the bathroom for you to read them as you washed your face or brushed your teeth. The breakfast? Ready on the kitchen counter, another post-it note on top of it. And then another one, on the front door, “I can’t wait to see you at lunch <3”

At noon, you two met up at the park as planned. A little warm-up under Daichi’s careful instructions and then you were ready to start. Just a casual jog, nothing too demanding, as you enjoyed the fresh air and the good company of that day.

During the whole run, Daichi kept encouraging you like a real captain and a loyal partner would do, saying that you were doing great, that you looked very good in those leggings, that you were half done at that point, and then that you could do it, you were almost at the end at that point.

“The last lap, babe! We’re almost done!” Daichi shouted, turned his head in your direction, and gave you a wide, shining smile.

“I-I think I’m done for today…” You panted as you struggled to keep up with his pace.

“Six more minutes and we’re done! C’mon! Don’t give up!” He incited but you soon waved the white flag, signaling him your surrender.

Daichi halted and got closer to you. A strange, gloomy aura suddenly spread all around him. A mischievous grin appeared on his face right when he whispered, an inch away from your sweaty face,

“Quitters don’t get their prize, you know that?”

Your breath almost failed you, when you told him, “Yeah, yeah, you can eat my lunch, I don’t want it anymore…”

But apparently, Daichi had another prize in his mind, another type of meal .

“Mmmh, that’s not the reward I was planning to give you…” His voice sounded dangerously seductive for the location you two were at the moment. Your eyes widened at the sudden realization.

His hands slowly roamed from your hands to your shoulders, then cupped your cheeks. His tone got back to normal when he playfully squeezed your face and said, “Six minutes!”

Six minutes passed and the jog was finally over. A little picnic at the park, a quick shower together at home, and then you were good to go. Your afternoon’s tasks awaited you.

That evening Tanaka and Kyoko joined you for dinner. They were both more than happy to give you some advice, to recommend easy and healthy recipes, and to see how the apartment had changed since their last visit.

Later that night, you and Daichi were again in your bed, tired but definitely satisfied. Your back was pressed against his broad chest, your body secured in his warm embrace, your thoughts were quiet, both your body and mind at peace.

You had worked, you had jogged, you had had some fun with Daichi at the park, you had also found some time to finish that book you had forgotten on your desk. Well, actually, Daichi had been texting you during the whole afternoon to remind you to take some breaks from time to time, to have a snack or read something. The dinner with Tanaka and Kyoko had cheered you up more than planned and that full, yet satisfying day was finally over.

You were still lost in your thoughts when you felt Daichi snuggle up, holding you even tighter than before. His left arm was wrapped around your figure while the right one was on top of yours, his fingers gently rubbing your hand, then your wrist and forearm, drawing imaginary patterns all over your skin. As he got closer, ultimately closing that tiny gap between you two, his head found the crook of your neck and gently nestled in it. Then he asked you, his voice hoarse with weariness,

“So? About the jog, did you like it?”

“Weeeell, let’s say that I liked it but mainly because we did it together.” You confessed, “Would I do it alone? I don’t know… Maybe?”

“Fair enough,” He replied and placed a sloppy kiss on your shoulder, his fingers still loosely tracing your arm. Then there was silence, the room was from time to time filled only with the muffled sound of those soft pecks he kept on leaving on your skin.

“You know,” Daichi whispered at some point, between a kiss and another, “Jogging is not the only option…” He paused to clear his throat, “There are other types of activities that we could do…” Another kiss, his breath warm against your neck, his tone husky with desire when he added, “That we could do indoor…”

#daichi x you #daichi x reader #daichi headcanon #daichi sawamura #daddy daichi #haikyuu oneshot #one shot #read on ao3 #read on wattpad #spotify #i wrote this at 3am #sawamura daichi x reader #sawamura daichi #fluff

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afoolforatook · 4 years

Text

Thank you, Wellies

So. I’ve been trying to do both class work and working on wips and just nothing is clicking. So, I thought I should go ahead and do this post, that I’ve been putting off, because.....it’s next week y’all.... So here goes.

Here’s my original post, that explains what this comic meant to me four years ago.

And here’s what it means to me now. (this is really long, sorry)

Man, I don’t really even know where to start this. How to start to say thank you. To Ngozi, to all of you.... It’s not possible to fully express what all of you have been for me the past four years. What this story has been for me.

So many things have changed since I made this post almost four years ago.

So many things haven’t.

I’ve been way less active in the fandom since starting at SCAD, and I really was never that incredibly active to begin with, outside of my small group of friends on a discord server.

And at times I feel bad about that.

But it’s not because I don’t care about or need this community anymore.

Rather it’s because this community, this story, gave me the strength to keep moving, and now I want to keep doing so, and make something that might one day even barely begin to show my gratitude.

So until then, all I can do is say thank you over and over. I can never possibly say it enough.

But still I wanted to thank you now, and try to explain to you what this comic about hockey and pies has meant to me, one last time before it ends. So that’s what I’ll try to do.

It was surreal rereading this old post earlier this week. Reading

“I think I could write a book just of our history and everything leading up to now and the details of this whole event”

When I wrote this post four years ago, I honestly couldn’t imagine a future where I’d be anything other than incomplete.Or even a future at all. Everyday was just getting up and making myself keep breathing, keep trying to push towards something, even though I had no idea what that could ever be.

For the first year I wrote daily journal entries, telling Emma about what happened that day, screaming at the universe for doing this, trying to help my future self remember little things, because everything was so hard to hold on to.

Update days were always something nearly sacred to me. And really not even from a fan point of view. I don’t read them around other people. I sit somewhere quiet, by myself, and read slowly. Because they are little moments I try to share with her still. The only person I want with me when I read them that first time is her, in whatever capacity I can bring myself to imagine.

A few months after the crash, I found one of Emma’s Spotify playlists. She made playlists for everything; birthday and Christmas presents, mood playlists, friend playlists, monthly playlists.

This was her May 2016 playlist. Last updated May 16th. Two days before the crash.

That playlist was literally the only thing I listened to for months on end. 38 songs.Over and over.

And as I listened I started to think that, just maybe, some of these songs she put there for me.

West Coast; the song me and Emma would send to each other after high school whenever we wanted to let the other know how much we missed them.

All I Want is to Be Your Girl. I mean??

Slowly I found lyrics in every song that even if just in my own fantasy, were little messages from Emma, telling me to keep going, how to stay strong.

I was always looking for stories, books, movies, songs, anything about someone grieving the kind of loss I was. Nothing I found felt like it really represented me. If it was about someone young, it was due to suicide or violence or illness. If it was a car crash, it was about a parent or child. If it somehow fit my other demographics, it was never queer.

I felt totally alone in the exact manifestation of my grief. Like no one else could understand all the tiny details that seemed, to me, to make this all more and more cartoonishly cruel.

(though one of the most touching moments of my life will always be when Emma’s step mom, the only person in her family who knows about us, sent me a book about grieving a spouse. I cried for hours when I opened that.)

I didn’t have outside representation, support. But I had journals. I had Emma’s songs. I had poems and a handful of inktober drawings. I had my little update moments of connection. And I had so much to say.

Months, years, of isolation gives you a lot of time to examine your feelings, to question the meaning of things, to think about what exactly grief looked like to you and about how you wanted to live the rest of your life, as someone grieving a love.

And slowly I began to connect those thoughts to individual lyrics from Emma’s playlist and that helped me actually write all those thoughts out, organize them.

And that’s how The Mixtape Project started (I still hate using the word memoir. I had to find something else to call it). A book about us. About Emma. About all those thoughts I’d had so long to sit with. Structured around the songs from her playlist.

I remember the exact moment that I realized that Check Please was going to actively change my life. I was talking to my dad about it, about why I loved the storytelling, the characters, the art, so much.

I’d told him many times before. But it was always tied to Emma in a way, or to the reasons that I identified with Jack. It was always a little sad in some way.

But this time. This time it was just excitement. It was just a kid who has always loved words, gushing about a story that fascinated them.

And I realized. It was the first time I had been just happy, excited, in the months since losing Emma. I remembered all those ideas Emma helped me with in high school, how we gushed over stories like that. I remembered what it was like to just love something and want to create, just because it made you happy.

I knew I couldn’t go back to UNCA, and none of the other creative writing programs I had looked at seemed like they would fit the new person I was.

So, for the hell of it, looking for some idea at how to start my life over, I looked at Ngozi’s personal story. And there was SCAD. There was sequential art.

Now. I’d never ever considered myself an artist. I went to an art high school, I knew art kids. I was never one of them. But that sequential part? That. THAT was what I wanted. That was what I could still be excited about.

That was how I could pull the Mixtape Project together. The writing, the poems, the art, the music. Comics. Sequential art. A graphic memoir that played with the format. That was the project that kept me going. That was what I was working for. That was the first future I was able to see now that Emma was gone.

So, for the first time since literally elementary school, I took an art class (also took a mythology class at the same time, which really helped keep my art and storytelling tied).

I loved it. I was actually happy with my work, surprised by my work and how quickly I felt like I improved (I wouldn’t learn about aphantasia until I got to SCAD, and understand that that drawing 1 class had been so fun, and in a way, easy, because it was all direct observation, and that drawing from memory and imagination would be a much steeper learning curve for me.)

So, when the class ended I thought ‘you know, maybe some kind of art school could be a good idea.’

And then one of my life long best friends, a SCAD animation student, encouraged me to apply, to just go for it.

And I did. It was a long shot, I was sure. We couldn’t afford it. Why would I get that in that kind of commitment, debt, after 1 art class? It wasn’t logical. But it felt good. So I did.

And then I got accepted, and the initial excitement soon fell away, to me and my parents knowing that it really wasn’t doable.

But we went to admitted students day, just to see. And when we got home, both of my parents cried for a long time. The first happy cry in our house for over two years.

Because they had decided that they had to figure out a way to make it work.

Because standing in Haymans hall was the first time they had seen me excited about the future since Emma died. It was the first time they’d seen me feel like there was somewhere I was meant to be, that there was somewhere I could fit again.

So we made it happen. I’ll still be in debt for years, and it’s not necessarily something I’d wholeheartedly recommend to kids getting out of high school, that debt isn’t worth it for many people.

For me it wasn’t really even worth it exactly for SCAD itself, and you’ll have plenty of professors tell you here that really what you pay for isn’t the education but the networking.

But for me. For me it was worth it.

Because I wasn’t wasting away in my basement.

And I really wasn’t where I’d have liked to have been, ideally, before starting. I was a BRAND new artist. My portfolio for my application was solely my writing work. I hadn’t ever done anything more than scribbled fan comics in my sketchbook. I was coming in wayyyyy behind where most other people were. But I couldn’t wait to feel like I was good enough to be there. There was a strong chance that it was quite literally, a matter of survival. I was reaching a breaking point after nearly three years of isolation and grief with no outlet. The future debt was less of a concern than making sure I didn’t have a complete mental breakdown or worse.

Now, of course, it hasn’t all been easy or fun or happy once I got here. I’ve doubted myself, I’ve had awful weeks, months, been stressed, unmotivated, in pain, near burnout.

The first quarter I was absolutely miserable because I had literally no social life.

Because I was an agoraphobic 23 yr old, living with 17/18 yr olds fresh out of high school. And if I wasn’t careful, I’d dissociate so easily. I’d let myself believe that I was still a teenager fresh from high school. That the past three years of agony hadn’t happened. That I could call Emma and it would ring again. She would answer again. And that illusion was a dangerous pit to fall into.

And it wasn’t until this fall that my social life really started to improve, beyond one or two close friends. And even still, while it’s much better, it’s nothing like UNCA, like the tight knit family I had that made me identify with SMH and the Haus atmosphere so much.

But I was moving forward. Agonizingly slowly sometimes. But still forward.

And then last Spring quarter, just about a year ago, I was in Survey for SEQA. Basically comic book history class. And our final was a 4 page research comic on a comic artist we admired. So of course, I was going to do mine on Ngozi.

The comic was due at the end of the quarter, the end of May.

Now, that quarter was the first time I was actually in SEQA classes; Survey, and Intro.

And those four pages would be the first fully colored, refined comic pages I had EVER done. It was intimidating. I didn’t want to mess it up. Especially because this wasn’t some big name of some far off artist you would never have any connection to. This was someone who all my professors knew.

I ended up getting extremely lucky and had the chance to email Ngozi and ask if she’d be able to give for a quote for the project, advice for current SCAD students.

She replied to my email the weekend of the 3rd anniversary. (I then spent hours on a thank you email - because that’s who I am, I can’t not over analyze anything I’m sending to someone important - and then I managed to save it to drafts instead of actually sending it...something I would not notice until literally months later and be absolutely mortified about my apparent rudeness of never thanking her.)

I still am not really happy with how that project came out. I still had (and have) a lot to learn, and it shows. I have, in no way, become an amazing comic artist overnight. I wasn’t expecting to.

But that short email exchange, falling on that weekend; it felt special. It felt like some speck of proof that I was doing the right thing. That things could actually go well in my life again. That if I kept going, I might actually get somewhere that I wanted to be. That maybe I really could make The Mixtape Project happen, if I just kept at it here.

And then I found out that in the fall, Ngozi would be the SEQA mentor.

Unfortunately by the time I had all the details about how to apply, the quarter had started and there were only a couple of weeks before it was due, and the only pages I had even anywhere close to being portfolio ready were either my research comic or a few older Check Please fan comics, none of which I would even have considered putting in that portfolio (I’m not 100% certain it would actually have come across as sucking up but it sure felt like it would have). And despite my best efforts, it just wasn’t possible, with how slow I work and having to keep up with classwork, for me to get a portfolio ready in time.

That hurt for a while. I felt like I had this clear sign of perfect timing. How could I pass up that chance? How could I forgive myself for not doing everything I could to earn that experience? How was I not letting Emma down if I ruined this opportunity?

It took a while to get out of that negative thought spiral. But I did, and it’s still a bummer, but it’s okay.

And something that really helped?

In October, Ngozi still came to campus to give a lecture. And that would have been good enough; just sitting in on that helped me feel excited, encouraged again. But then, after the lecture (with my amazing roommate waiting patiently behind with me, to make sure I didn’t actually have a panic attack on the way home) I got to talk to her.

We all hope to one day get to talk to the people who inspired us, whose work we love, to tell them how much they mean to us. And yes, I was a little version of starstruck.

But that wasn’t why I was shaking. That wasn’t why I told her I was going to do my best to get this out without crying (and I did, I’m proud to say).

It was because I had the opportunity, while at the school that had given me a chance to start my life again, to thank the woman who was in all likelihood, one of the main reasons I was even still alive. If it had not been for Check Please I wouldn’t have had that good thing to keep sharing with Emma. I wouldn’t have found sequential art, at least not for a while longer probably. I wouldn’t have been able to finally picture a future I wanted to get to.

And I’ll be honest, I don’t remember 90% of what I actually said that night to Ngozi.

But I told her my story. I told her about Emma. About how Check Please was the last thing we got to share. I thanked her. And she was wonderful and kind and emotional and hugged me a couple of times, and even though I don’t remember a lot of what I actually said; it was something that will be one of the most important, affirming moments of my life.

I didn’t have a panic attack on the way home. I somehow managed to not cry until we were back to our dorm. But I was stunned.

Not even because of the amazing moment I had been able to have with Ngozi.

But because it hit me.

I was doing it. I was there. I had actually made it this far.

Somewhere that just over a year ago I never would have believed was possible.

A time when, two years before, I hadn’t even been sure I could make it to alive.

That weekend was my 24th birthday. And it was the first birthday since I left UNCA at 19, that I didn’t just hate the fact that I was getting older. That I was moving away from the happiest parts of my life so far.

Yes it still hurt getting further from Emma, putting another tick on the years that I got that she didn’t.

But I was actually finally excited at the idea of even having a future, let alone having an idea of what it could be.

February was a difficult month for me. I have another (entirely way too long) post about why everything that happened with RWBY and Fairgame was so difficult for me, but to put it simply; my hope for the future was shaken.

I was back in the toxic negative thought spirals I had fought for years to train myself out of.

I was seeing Emma, or her brother, or her mom, in crowds; something I hadn’t experienced since the first few months after the crash. I was in one of the biggest crisis moments I’d had since Emma’s death.

But I was more experienced than when I was 20.

It wasn’t fun, a lot of it probably wasn’t the ideal way to cope, but I did it. And I kept up with my work. I isolated more, but not completely. I made myself vent on snapchat or tumblr, and not worry about oversharing or annoying people, because it was either get it out or let it fester in my head. And I couldn’t afford to let that happen.

In mid March, I made a pitch packet for my comic scripting final.

It was for The Mixtape Project. It was hard, and nerve-wracking, and there’s still mountains of work to be done.

But after my initial synopsis (first of like seven versions, cause trying to put this thing in a good synopsis format is a nightmare) my professor told me that he thought my story had potential.

That he could see it being published. He suggested, knowing that I was planning on taking his advanced scripting course this quarter (hey remember how mid march was only a few weeks ago?? Huh?? wild), that I keep working on it, and see about taking it to Editor’s day (SEQA students’ opportunity to basically pitch themselves and their ideas to publishers).

Now, my professor is by no means an overly harsh critic, and is plenty supportive in general.

But I also knew that that was not just something he said to students all the time. That he meant it.

Editor’s Day (now online) is in mid May. The week of the 4th anniversary of Emma’s death, to be exact.

Everything is a mess right now, and I’m stressed and tired and scared and heartbroken (this will be the first time since I was 9 that I have not had Merlefest; the highlight of my year, and since Emma’s death; the last big happy thing before I plunge into the nightmare that is May).

Tuesday will come. Check Please will end. I will continue to support Ngozi and her work after Bitty’s story ends.

But it will be sad. It won’t be easy.

This thing that has been my tether to the most important person in my life, will still be there, but it will be over.

It will have a concrete end. It will no longer be part of the future I am pushing towards.

But I am a different person than the shattered kid who wrote this post four years ago.

I’m not who I was before Emma died. I never will be. I’d never try to be. I want Emma back more than anything. But that won’t happen. And as long as this is all real, I never want to pretend this didn’t happen.

That I didn’t shatter in a way that will never heal like people expect.

I’m still all those shattered pieces that wrote this post. Maybe a few have had the edges dulled, maybe I’ve lost a few, glued a few together perfectly, maybe picked up a few stray pieces that didn’t come from the me from before.

But I will be those shattered pieces for the rest of my life.

They won’t magically fuse back together. I work every day to hold them, to keep myself in some shape that resembles a functioning person.

Some days I fail. Some days, I am too tired to even try. Some days, I am so angry, I’d rather hurl the pieces at whatever power or fate or god or chaos decided that I got to live and she didn’t.

But those days pass.

And I learn how to hold the pieces better, how to avoid the sharpest edges, how to take care of the wounds when I inevitably cut myself on one, how to allow other people to help me hold them, how to accept that some pieces may feel safe and smooth and comforting but they are traps, illusions that are the easy way to do things, but not the healthy way, not the way that will help me achieve my goals.

That person, made of all those unholdable pieces, four years ago, was staying alive for everyone else but themself.

And some days I still am.

For my parents. For Emma. For all the other queer, mentally ill, grieving kids and young adults and just people, who are looking for the same representation I was, who feel as alone as I still do so often.

But some days.

On those really good days.

I’m alive, carrying all those pieces, just because I want to be. For me.

I want to spin around in the morning, singing along to my bluegrass spotify. I want to get excited over finally figuring out how to write that line that was giving me so much trouble, or finish that sketch that I never thought I could manage. I want to hope that despite how awful everything seems, there’s still a good future out there. It’s still possible to be happy some days.

I want to cry because I get to see Jack and Bitty get the happy ending that me and Emma didn’t.

And now, unlike that version of me from four years ago, when it ends, I will have things still.

Things that I have worked everyday to reach, to deserve, to hold out to people and say

“Hey, sometimes everything hurts and you know that things will never be what they were, and parts of you will always miss that. But there are still things you can find that hurt less, that ease the hurt, that teach you how to better hold the hurt, to stop trying to say it doesn’t exist or trying to get rid of it completely and hating yourself when you can’t. You can still be hurt, be irreparably broken in so many places, and still find the happy things. You are still worthy of love, no matter how broken you are. Your worth is not tied to how much you are able to heal. You are worthy of so much love, just because you are still here, no matter how many tiny pieces you are in.”

The thing is, I will still always have a future that includes Emma. Because I couldn’t tell you exactly which of my pieces are from her, but so many of them are.

There is no version of me, from here on to the day I die, that does not have her influence embedded in every piece.

These days I try to be a little kinder to myself. It doesn’t always work, but I try.

Because, to Emma, I was Bitty. I radiated that “thing”.

Whether or not I saw it in myself, doesn’t matter, because she did.

But to me she was the one who radiated.

And she is a part of me. She can’t radiate that “thing” herself anymore.

But I can, at least I can try.

Because If this person I loved and trusted so immensely, saw something worth loving in me? There must be something there worth loving, right?

And if she is a part of me for the rest of my life, how can I hate myself? How can I do anything but keep going so that, even if just in my head, a part of her gets to keep going too.

My family and friends joke that every friend group I’ve ever had calls me something different. And really it’s not a joke. In middle school I was CB #4 (that’s a long, terribly embarrassing, story). In high school I was Pond (and many variations there of: Pondala, Pondy, Raindrop, Puddle, you get the picture). At UNCA, when I came out as nonbinary, I started going by Auden. When I went home it was back to Meagan; Meagan always felt right with my parents.

With Emma I was always Meagan. We were Meagan and Emma. Megma. Meagan and Emma have online adventures!

After she was gone, Meagan didn’t really feel like me anymore. I loved Meagan, I missed Meagan, I wished I could still really fully be Meagan, and I’m okay still being Meagan sometimes.

But that real Meagan. The Meagan that was Emma’s Meagan. Doesn’t exist anymore. I lost that Meagan somewhere in that first night of screaming and trying to break my hand against the wall, so I could just feel something other than the agony of Emma being gone.

When I joined a Check Please chat group, a few months after the crash, we gave each other hockey nicknames. I was Farley.

My second quarter at SCAD, I started going by Farley. It stuck.

That’s who this version of me is. This new artist, still figuring things out, but still going.

I may not always stay Farley (other than ya’know artist ‘branding’. We’ll see) but that’s okay. Farley is who I need to be right now.

Farley is who will finish The Mixtape Project.

(because of two people mishearing both my nickname and last name I will, at least once in my career, use the pseudonym Fartley McFarmland and no one will stop me).

I can’t imagine what, who, will come after Farley, if anything.

But Check Please will always be a part of making Farley, and every future version of me, exist.

I could go on and on about how beautiful this story and these characters are, how inspiring Ngozi is, how genius her storytelling is, how powerful and important her work is. I could go on for days about all of that. But this is already so long, and I know that so many of you can go on about that probably way better than I could currently.

But, as many of my professors tell us over and over, only I can tell this story. My story. Emma’s story. Our story. And it’s one I plan on telling for the rest of my life.

And Check Please, Ngozi, will forever be the thing that made that possible.

So thank you. Those two words that are way too small to say it all.

Thank you.

Every fic writer

Every artist

Every rper

Every chat friend

Every shitposter

Every theorist or meta poster

Every fan

Thank you.

B. “Shitty” Knight.

Larissa “Lardo” Duan

Adam “Holster” Birkholtz

Justin “Ransom” Oluransi

John Johnson

Ollie O'Meara

Pacer Wicks

Jenny and Mandy

Nicholas and Jean-Claude

Coach Hall

Coach Murray

Suzanne Bittle

Richard “Coach” Bittle

William “Dex” Poindexter

Derek “Nursey” Nurse

Chris “Chowder” Chow

Kent Parson

Alicia Zimmermann

“Bad” Bob Zimmermann

Tony “Tango” Tangredi

Connor “Whiskey” Whisk

Denice “Foxtrot” Ford

Fry Guy

Georgia “Georgie” Martin

Alexei “Tater” Mashkov

Sebastian “Marty” St. Martin

Dustin “Snowy” Snow

Poots

Randall “Thirdy” Robinson

Jonathan “Hops” Hopper

River “Bully” Bullard

Lukas “Louis” Landmann

(I’m almost certain I had to have missed someone)

Thank you.

Jack “Zimmboni” Laurent Zimmermann

Thank you.

Eric “Bitty” Richard Bittle

Thank you.

Ngozi Ukazu

Thank you. For everything.

For having my back. I’ll always have yours.

Always yours,

Farley M.

#Check Please #omgcp #my person #my writing #meagan and emma have online adventures #-slaps me- you can fit so many confused emotions in this thing

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stainandscribble · 5 years

Text

Cappuccino

Pairing: Kyungsoo (EXO D.O) X Reader feat. EXO

Genre: Coffee Shop AU; fluff; One Shot

Summary: Art supplies and coffee - couple that with a love for black and white film and a handsome barista with a heart shaped smile and you have yourself a love story.

You are a freelancing graphic designer, working on helping your older sister revamp her tea room. Your next door neighbours, Black Pearl, happen to be a very interesting bunch, and one stoic barista in particular, has caught your eye, and you have caught his.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This took like 3 months to write. I was empty of inspiration.

Word Count: 5407

Just after graduating with a graphic design degree, your older sister had employed you to design a website for her business. She had also tasked you with making a menu and making and maintaining all social media sites for it, including the Instagram page.

It was a good job to land straight out of university, compared to all your other free-lance jobs.

So you moved out of the apartment you shared with your student friends, into a new one with your sister.

You worked on your laptop in her tea room, sitting at the very back, trying to feel the atmosphere of the place. It was also in close proximity to your sister, so you could always just ask her what she wanted to add or change in the designs you were making. The Tea Room was cosy, albeit a little cramped. It didn’t have any particular theme or colour scheme. It reminded you more of your grandma’s sitting room rather than a place that should be popular with students.

One thing you always liked about Black Pearl that was right next door was that Minseok and Junmyeon knew what they were doing business wise. Junmyeon had a degree in business, while Minseok had a degree in architecture. You never understood how they managed to come up with the idea to run a coffee shop together. Sure, Minseok was an avid coffee lover, but how does one go from being an architect to owning a coffee shop? What is the point in-between the two? You didn’t know, but whatever they were doing- they were doing it right. At least design wise.

Black Pearl had a clear and modern aesthetic- all subdued off-whites and browns. Pops of colour included the bright neon sign with their name on one wall, and the other were the flowers Yixing brought in every few days. Their interior was fresh- energising. You didn’t feel like you were about to have tea with your grandma when you sat down; something you felt right now, sitting in your sister’s tea room, thinking about all its faults.

You were going to help your sister completely redefine her business- starting with the menu and finishing with the interior and exterior of the Tea Room.

You decided to illustrate all the tea’s and cakes for the menu. It had a cute, home-made vibe and allowed you and your sister more creative freedom than simple photographs.

That would take a time to design and then print, and you were going to be busy with it until the end of summer, along with the website you were designing.

Whenever you ran low on energy, you walked next door to Black Pearl and get yourself that sweet, sweet caffeine fix.

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On a particularly hot day in late June, you had decided to work in Black Pearl. It was nice to get out of your older sister’s way and have her out of your hair for a short while. With your laptop and your drawing tablet in your bag, you entered the café.

“Hi Kyungsoo!” You greeted the stoic man standing at the cash register, as he focused his attention at you. His gaze seemed heavy as his almond eyes rested underneath a set of thick brows.

“Can I get a cold brew?” You asked, the inside of Black Pearl was nice and cool thanks to the air conditioning, but outside was scorching in the balmy summer heat. The temperature had left you tired and unmotivated. It seemed to be too hot to function. Even Kyungsoo was wearing a white t-shirt instead of the usual white button up.

“How are the illustrations getting along?” He asked, eyes cast down to the notebook snuggled under your arm.

“Good. Better than expected.” You told him, and he nodded, moving to the jugs on the counter behind him to make your drink. It wasn’t that early in the morning, but the café was empty save for a few patrons. During the summer your little college town was practically empty as the students went home and the halls emptied.

“Maybe your sister has low standards.” Kyungsoo teased you, handing you the refreshingly cold drink. The fact it was highly caffeinated made it even better.

“She is dating Baekhyun.” Sehun muttered from behind Kyungsoo, his tall frame casting a shadow over the smaller man. To that, both you and Kyungsoo laughed, and you had to rest your drink on the counter to stop it from spilling everywhere.

“How are you?” You finally asked him.

“Caffeinated and annoyed.” Kyungsoo did nothing to hide the annoyance that laced his deep, velvety voice.

“What did they do now?” You asked, a smile still forming over your lips.

“What didn’t they do?” He was frowning, eyes darting to glare at Sehun who pouted, feigning innocence.

“Don’t glare at the baby.” He fired back, earning a laugh from you, and another glare from Kyungsoo.

“I’ll leave you to it.” You told both boys as a new wave of customers entered the shop. You picked up your drink and sat down in the corner, far away from prying eyes

By lunchtime the coffee shop was brimming with people again. All the tables were taken, and people were still coming in to get coffee. Outside the sun was shining ferociously, and the streets were empty of people, especially the little alleys off the main routes like the one where Black Pearl stood.

“Did Y/N come around?” Baekhyun asked when he walked through the door with a few cups of iced tea in a cup holder. Today he was dressed in an obnoxiously orange shirt that was twice his size, and Kyungsoo was left wondering how Junmyeon had allowed this as appropriate work attire. Baekhyun handed out the teas to Sehun and Kyungsoo. The tea was wonderfully refreshing, with a hint of citrus. Kyungsoo wondered what Baekhyun had traded with his girlfriend in return. He thought it was probably cold brew or iced latte, since Y/N was running solely on coffee the last few days.

“She came in for a morning coffee.” Sehun told him, not looking up from his phone.

“Have you seen her illustrations?” Baekhyun had been dying to see what you were drawing for a while now, but you remained unyielding and did not let him see until the final product was ready. You and your older sister were still discussing the styles you wanted for the menu and had been going back and forth between designs. She had only decided on one last night.

“No. Why would I?” Kyungsoo answered. He didn’t even bother asking. You had clearly expressed that you were not going to show it to anyone. What was the point of pestering and irritating you, when you would not show them anyway?

“She isn’t letting me see them until the design is finalised.” Baekhyun whined, pouting as he sipped on his drink.

“Maybe if you ask nicely, she will show you.” Sehun prodded, a mischievous spark shone in his eyes.

“No. Her sister is not telling me either.” Baekhyun told them, walking behind the counter, ready to serve the customer who just walked in.

“Tough luck.” Kyungsoo laughed before disappearing at the back of the shop.

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“What are you doing?” Baekhyun exclaimed, walking through the door of the Tea Room, his brown eyes falling on Y/N and her older sister, sitting at the table and taking pictures of the cheesecake and iced tea before them. Jongin and Kyungsoo entered after him, equally confused at what was happening.

“We aren’t open today, so we are starting to take some photos for the Instagram page and the website.” Y/N told them not taking her eyes off of the camera in her hands, as she played around with the settings to get a better photo. Kyungsoo’s eyes fell on the stack of books on the misplaced chair right beside Y/N. All the books had pretty covers. The corners of his lips quirked upwards when he noticed that among the titles were Leaving and Returning, as well as Love and Revelation. Jongdae was going to be going around, beaming when he would find out. He did brag about being the muse for Love and Revelation to them for a solid month after it came out.

“So you need a whole set up?” Jongin laughed, picking up a tea cup, one among many, standing on the surrounding tables. This one was as large as a mug and was a teal colour with a pearlescent sheen to it. Beside it, on a matching plate Y/N had sliced some lemon to add as decoration during the shoot.

“That is why she isn’t showing you anything.” Kyungsoo grumbled, taking the cup from Jongin’s hands.

“She isn’t showing you anything either.” Baekhyun pointed out, his arms wrapped around Y/N’s older sister, a puppy look in his eyes, as he pestered her about something. Y/N wasn’t paying much attention to their antics, already fixing another setup on the table.

“I didn’t ask to see it.” Kyungsoo threw back, before returning his attention to Y/N.

“You can drink that if you want Kyungsoo.” You told him, leaving the set up and reaching for a glass of iced tea that stood beside him, accidentally brushing against his back as you reached around for the tall glass. None of the tea would go to waste, seeing as your sister had taken the liberty to gather most of it up and use it as samples. Now, anyone who was passing by had drank some of the tea’s you have already photographed. It was a business strategy you and your older sister used to increase people’s interests in the tea shop- along with promoting the revamping you were doing now.

“It’s lavender green tea.” You told him as he rose the cup to his full lips, sipping on the still hot liquid.

“It’s good.” He commented after a few more sips. You gestured for him to sit down at the next clear table, before you brought over some of the cake’s you have been taking pictures of.

“Do you want some pie?” You asked, brining over a slice of plum pie and a slice of cherry pie.

Kyungsoo smiled, his full lips forming a heart as he did so. You could feel your cheeks heat up, but you ignored the fluttering you felt in your stomach, and focused your attention on Kyungsoo, as he began telling you about the girl who tried fliting with Baekhyun before they came here. You were sure your sister would love to hear the story of how her boyfriend managed to get himself out of the tricky situation. When you were behind the counter, you had little space to run.

“So what did he say to her?” You asked, after you found out the girl was trying to ask Baekhyun out to an outdoor cinema hosted by the film and video department of the National Institute of Fine Art.

“My girlfriend loves Audrey Hepburn.” Kyungsoo relayed, delivering the line with such a blank stare and a stoic deep voice your composure broke and you burst out laughing. He laughed with you, eyes darting from you to Baekhyun who was still moping around, following your older sister like a lost puppy.

Jongin had long since taken the liberty to help himself to some tea and cake and was already on his second cheesecake.

“Do you want to go with me?” He asked, leaning closer, his large eyes staring into your own, the smell of coffee fragrant around him, burnt into his skin.

“Where?” You asked, wondering where he wanted to take you. Your heart beat a little faster at his proximity, his large eyes, framed by thick brows were fixated on you. Casually, he reached over for the cup of green tea in front of him, taking a sip, before putting it back down. The clink of china against the wooden table was the only sound between you, before he resumed speaking.

“Open Cinema.” He told you, referring to the place the girl tried to invite Baekhyun out to. A sly smile spread across his plush lips.

“They are playing Schindler’s List tomorrow night.” He continued, watching as your eyes lit up and a smile stretched across your lips.

“Okay. I’ll go with you.” You agreed without a moment’s hesitation, heart pounding at the prospect of going to watch your favourite film, with Kyungsoo to accompany you.

“I’ll pick you up from here.” He informed you, getting up from his chair.

“Late shift is on tomorrow; the film starts after.” He explained, before exiting the tea room, waving a small goodbye on his way out.

You smiled like an idiot, excited at the idea of spending three hours with Kyungsoo, sitting on one blanket, surrounded by the fragrant summer air.

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You walked through the door of Black Pearl, wearing comfortable trousers and a t-shirt. You had your denim jacket draped over your left arm, holding a picnic blanket in your hand.

“Hey Y/N are you ready?” Kyungsoo asked, leaving the keys to the café with Jongin, before walking towards you. He offered you an iced coffee, and you accepted, before would walked back out into the warm summer night.

The university owned field was starting to fill up by the time you got there with students, as well as elders, who had all found their spaces, the majority going as close to the canvas screen as they were allowed, crowding in one area of the grassy field.

Kyungsoo decided to move somewhere a little further, where you could stretch comfortably, without disrupting other viewers.

“This place is good.” He commented when you sat down, smiling at you as the announcers began speaking.

Soon, the film was rolling, and despite the few people still whispering among each other, the open cinema was pleasantly quiet.

Throughout the three hour film, Kyungsoo had scooted closer to you, bumping his knees with yours. You stole glances at each other, smiling when you noticed each other looking. From time to time, you could see Kyungsoo wipe away at his eyes, warm tears falling onto his cheeks; the same way yours were falling too.

By the end of the film, you were leaning your head against Kyungsoo’s shoulder, your hands tangled together, watching the ending scene with burning eyes, tears threatening to spill.

The film ended, and the audience clapped, before you got up and took your things, ready to go back home.

“I had a lovely time. Thank you.” You told him, unwrapping your arm from his.

He smiled at you, his lips formed a heart in the process, and you smiled back at him, eyes shining and alert despite the late hour. You were about to wish him a good night, but he beat you to it, pulling you into his warm embrace. His arms rested against your back and shoulders, warm and steady in the way he held you. You returned the hug, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“What’s that for?” You murmured, breathing in the smell of coffee that refused to fade away.

“After a film like this I think you need it.” He murmured back, before releasing you, giving you one last smile.

“Thank you.” You told him, smiling back.

“Good night.”

“Night.” You turned around, opening the door to your sister’s house, giving him one last glance before you disappeared inside.

“You and Kyungsoo?” Your sister asked, sitting on the kitchen counter as you walked in.

“Maybe.” You told her, your cheeks flushed and your heart still beating erratically in your chest from Kyungsoo’s hug.

“Stay safe kid.” She told you, a cheeky smile on her lips as you walked out of the kitchen. As if getting caught at three in the morning by your sister wasn’t embarrassing enough, you just had to bump into Baekhyun on the way to the bathroom. The mischievous man sent you a wink as he passed you on his way to the kitchen, and you swore that you could hear him mutter something about coming home late under his breath.

You scoffed, before locking the bathroom door and getting into the shower.

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“Hey Y/N!” Baekhyun sang when you entered Black Pearl. Jongin had taken one look at you, glancing over Baekhyun to see you, before letting out a giggle. You frowned, but said nothing, not quite understanding why they were behaving strangely today. A few days had gone by since you and Kyungsoo had gone out, and since then, Baekhyun and Chanyeol had their eyes on you, their curious gazes following your every move. Jongin didn’t stare at you as much as the other two did, but he seemed to be nicer the last few days. Not that he wasn’t nice- but it did seem like he was trying harder to make conversation, and he smiled at you even more, if that was even possible.

“Hey! Can I get a cappuccino?” You told Baekhyun, who was standing at the front today.

“Sure.” He said, before turning to Jongin to give him your order.

“How is photography going so far?” Your sister’s boyfriend asked, his puppy eyes begging for an answer. You had been secretive about your progress so far. Your sister had thought it was quite amusing watching Baekhyun and Chanyeol get riled up when you refused to tell them. This week though, she finally decided to let you tell them. Since then they had pestered you less, but they were still incredulous.

“We are almost finished.” You told him, thinking back to the hundred something files that were now stored on a USB stick attached to your keychain. You had finished with the photography and the menu design on the most part. The only thing left was making the rest of the illustrations for the menu. You had dome some of them, but there was still a long way to go.

“How much is she paying you?” Junmyeon entered from the back. Today, he was wearing a suit and tie. Kyungsoo had mentioned that the new branch that had opened needed extra staff, seeing as most days Yixing and Jongdae couldn’t do it on their own. Kyungsoo was about to move to the knew branch, and Minseok was spending his time split between the two. It was touch managing two locations, seeing as all together they had nine staff members, including the two bosses-Minseok and Junmyeon.

“My rate isn’t very high. So far, I am taking $15 an hour, because I am freelancing and just started.” You told him, sipping on your cappuccino. “However many hours I put into this, I will charge.”

“Do you think you can help us with something?” Junmyeon asked, his fingers drumming on the table top. “I was thinking about business cards and a stamp system. You know, for clients that keep coming back. Something like buy 5 get sixth free.”

You thought for a moment, thinking about when you could fit this in to your busy schedule. There wasn’t much time, but you could try and work on it in between illustrations.

“You will also need to design a stamp. The design isn’t that hard. The stamps will be more expensive. You also have to factor in production and printing costs.” You finally answered, watching as Junmyeon nodded, pondering over what they really needed to make the café more successful.

“He knows. He is a business major.” Baekhyun muttered, playing with his apron.

“That’s why he is stingy.” Jongin laughed, leaning against the coffee press, sipping on an iced tea from your sister’s tea room. You had bartered that for the cappuccino, and Jongin was more than happy about that.

“I feed you!” Junmyeon looked offended, shaking his head at the accusation.

“Irrelevant.” Kyungsoo muttered, walking out of the back.

“Are we ready to leave?” He asked Junmyeon, eyes fixated on his watch, before looking up at you, his lips forming a hears shaped smile as he greeted you.

“Let’s go.” Junmyeon answered, before leading the way out.

“Is he transferring today?” You asked when the door closed behind them. You moved from the register, letting the customer behind you through.

“Yeah. Yixing really needs the extra help.” Jongin told you, preparing a new coffee for their customer. You nodded, sipping on your cappuccino. You wondered how Yixing and Jongdae had managed to keep a café running by themselves, with occasional help from Minseok and Junmyeon.

“Why did Yixing move?” You asked. From what you knew, they all kind of wanted to stay in Black Pearl here, seeing as there was a lot of work being done; especially during term time. Now that business was a little slower, they could afford less staff, but they surely would have to hire someone else to help, or they would have to change up the staff- putting someone else there with Yixing and Jongdae for full time.

“The new branch is closer to his home, so he doesn’t have to take a bus every morning.” Jongin answered, before handing the customer their coffee. This time it was an affogato, and to be honest you were kind of jealous, really craving some vanilla ice cream right now.

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Kyungsoo walked into Black Pearl a few days after his transfer, happy to be back at their original location. His shift had ended, so he had decided to come over to find you. It was just his luck that you were sitting at the very back of Black Pearl, a pack of colouring pencils and a set of water colours littered the table you were sitting at, your fingers stained with pencil lead and dried paint.

“Want help?” He asked, smiling at you as he sat down on the opposite chair, twirling a purple colouring pencil in his hand.

“You can tell me if they are good.” You told him, passing over a few pages of finished illustrations. So far you have finished drawing out all the teas and had digitalised and printed them out.

“These are beautiful.” He answered honestly, eyes wide as he scanned over the colourful pictures.

He ran a hand through his short hair absentmindedly, making some strands stick up. You reached over to smooth his hair back out. Kyungsoo smiled, feeling your gentle fingers comb through his hair.

“Do you want help?” He asked again, watching you smile, before you handed him a pad of paper and some pencils.

“You think you can draw some cakes for me?” You asked, handing him a few reference photos.

“I’m not bad at drawing.” He answered sheepishly, picking up the pencils you gave him.

He could feel your eyes on him, warm and precise, scanning him as he drew. He felt the way they lingered on his face, and the way they shyly moved away before he caught you staring. From time to time, a smile stretched across his lips, knowing that you felt the same warm and fuzzy feeling he did. It didn’t take a genius to figure out the reason for your stolen glances, nor the way you bumped your knee with his from time to time, content at the warm feeling between the two of you.

“Can I get that purple?” He asked, causing your head to snap up, before he reached out, hand coming towards your face. At first, you were startled, waiting for what he was about to do, frozen still like a deer in the headlights. Then, to your surprise, he reached behind your ear, pulling the colouring pencil out, before tucking the fallen strand of hair back behind your ear. His knuckles brushed against your cheek as he did so, and he relished in the rosy blush that flowered over your cheeks.

“Do you want to see another film with me?” He asked, hand moving away from your face.

“They are playing Casablanca today.” A knowing smile adorned his face, and his eyes shone softly.

“I’d love to.” You told him, watching as he leaned back in his chair, basking in the warmth of the coffee shop and in the way you looked at him, eyes shining, and cheeks rosy from when he touched you.

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You managed to land the same place as last time, this time, watching Casablanca, although incomparable to Schindler’s List, had been very pleasant. There were no tears, and Kyungsoo was much less shy than then. This time, he had pulled her closer early on. He let her rest her head against his shoulder, and from time to time, as the love story progressed, he pressed his lips against her hair, their hands intertwined, sitting on her lap.

Breaking apart at the end of the film was strange. The proximity had felt so natural, the warmth coming off of your body had made Kyungsoo so comfortable, he was sure he could fall asleep at nay moment. Breaking apart felt like waking up from a really good dream, and Kyungsoo felt so light he could be floating.

“I had a great time tonight.” You told him, not quite ready to break apart from him just yet.

“I did too.” He told you, taking a moment to look deep into your eyes, before leaning in.

“Can I kiss you?” He muttered, face so close you could feel the ghost of his lips brush against your own as he spoke.

You nodded, and he closed the space between you, his lips falling firmly against your own. His hands cupped your face, thumbs brushing against the warm skin of your cheeks. His lips moved against yours, and you mirrored his movement, wrapping your arms around his waist, bringing him a little closer.

Everything about him was warm. His embrace. The way his lips moved against your own. His hands, stroking your face as he looked deep into your eyes, staring into them with his large round eyes, their brown hue warming you up like the cup of coffee you were craving. You had invited him over to the place you shared with your sister. You two were sneaking around in the middle of the night, feeling like rebellious teenagers all over again.

Kyungsoo liked the way you looked at him, as if this was more exciting than it really was, looking at him as if he was wonderful- matching his gaze as he looked on at you in adoration. He grasped your hand, still covered in pencil lead and stained with watercolour as he let you pull him up to your room, before closing the door

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“Kyungsoo! Do you want tea?” Your sister asked, bringing you out of your unplanned afternoon nap. You rose, watching sleepily as Kyungsoo’s form moved across the shop.

“Sleepy Cinnamon would be great.” He told her, leaning against the counter.

“It does not remove the caffeine from your blood.” She laughed.

“Maybe we should add that to the menu” You muttered, eyeing your laptop, open to the right page of the menu for editing.

“Doesn’t matter.” Kyungsoo waved her off, his deep voice was like velvet, sending a shiver down your spine.

“Hey Y/N! Do you want a tea?” Your sister called out, amusement lacing her voice at the way your half closed eyes gazed at your boyfriend.

“Sleepy Cinnamon.” You muttered, straightening your back.

“Are you going to sleep on the job?” Kyungsoo asked, before walking over to you with both teas.

“Maybe.” You told him, moving the laptop away from you, so that you could see him clearly.

“Are you humming Bryan Adams?”

"Maybe.”

“Everything I do, I do it for you!” He sang softly, making you giggle, and you sister hum along.

You liked the way he lit up when he sang, and the way he laughed awkwardly at the end. You reached out your hand, taking his warm larger one in your own, tangling your fingers together, before laying your head back down, eyes tracing over the lines of Kyungsoo’s face, basking in the way his eyes looked down at you, their brown colour swirling in his irises like fresh coffee that he was so fond of.

“What design do you want on the cards?” You ask him, rising to open a new file on your laptop, ready to start writing down the ideas the boys had come up with. Instead of telling you, Kyungsoo pulled out a couple pieces of paper.

“I drew this.” He told you, sliding the pages your way. “It’s what we are thinking about.”

You looked at the drawing. It was a simple design; the name of their coffee shop at the top, the addresses of both of their locations at the bottom of the card. The boys had written up extra pointers for you, telling you about the colour schemes they were considering, and other ideas, like fonts and the sizing of all the writing. Junmyeon and Minseok had left no stone unturned, having written down their exact wishes, and you knew from speaking with them beforehand, what it was they wanted.

“Little coffee cups?” You laughed, eyeing the simple line drawing of empty white mugs. There were five of them- three on the top, and two at the bottom. The sixth cup was already filled- you could tell by the black colour that filled the centre, with ‘free’ written underneath.

“Why not?” Kyungsoo laughed, looking down at his little drawing.

“They still want the stamp to be a full cup?” You asked, reading through the notes on the side.

Kyungsoo hummed in confirmation, eyes tracing the design for the stamp that Junmyeon made him draw.

“Okay.” You told him, putting the paper’s away into your bag.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in comfortable silence, from time to time, Kyungsoo hummed along to the songs playing through the speakers of your laptop, seeing as your sister did not have any music playing yet.

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The summer was drawing to a close, and with it all the work you and your sister had done on the tea room. The company you hired had finished installing the shop sign yesterday, and your sister had Baekhyun help out in repainting the walls white, with the very back wall painted a light yellow. The tables and chairs had stayed the same, but the couches had been changed to teal, and your sister had bought decorative cushions. You had also hanged a chandelier on the main bulb, and then hanged simple white flower shaped lampshades on all the other lights.

The tea room now looked a lot better, and it was much more relaxing to sit around in it.

“Thanks so much for helping!” Your sister called out to her boyfriend, the rest of Black Pearl was sitting around, admiring the newly printed menus that had come in just this morning.

“Baekhyun!” Your sister called out in annoyance after Baekhyun had swooped in kissing her before twirling away to sit with Chanyeol on the new couch. You laughed along, watching as your sister got everyone’s attention.

“Welcome to Lemon Balm!” She called out, rising her flute of champagne, watching gleefully as the boys and their girlfriends toasted along with her. It was a nice moment, almost picture perfect. Yixing’s girlfriend has seemed to read your mind, as she stood at the side with her camera, photographing the event.

“You worked really hard. I’m proud of you.” Kyungsoo whispered behind you, wrapping you up in a back hug.

“Thank you.” You told him, smiling at your sister as she chatted away with your shared friends.

“Kiss! Kiss!” Baekhyun started chanting when he saw you two hugging. Soon enough Chanyeol, Jongdae and Jongin had joined in, creating a ruckus.

You laughed at their antics, eyeing Kyungsoo from the side as he unwrapped himself from you.

“You are making me uncomfortable.” He stated, he sounded serious, and his face has lost its smile in favour of a stoic expression. You however, could see the amused twinkle in his eyes, and you had no doubt his friends had seen it too.

You gave him one last look, before turning him towards you, and pressing a kiss to his lips.

Out of habit, he cupped your face, stroking your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs as he moved his lips against yours purposefully, ignoring the cheers and laughter that erupted around you.

“I love you.” You whispered against his lips when you broke apart.

“I love you too.” He murmured, pressing a kiss into your hair.

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dazais-guardian-angel · 5 years

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I’m sorry this blog has been so dead-feeling and sporadic for a while now. Not that anyone probably cares, but if any of my followers somehow still enjoy following me, I’m sorry to you all. (tmi health issues below)

I haven’t “updated” in a long while, mostly because I don’t feel like I’m on the verge of dying anymore, like I did all throughout 2017 to maybe halfway through 2018; my health has been pretty stable for a while now. But it’s almost like once my thoughts didn’t have to be preoccupied with constant terror and depression of the worst kind 24/7, now it’s made room for other things to take hold of me. I don’t have panic attacks anymore (at least that I know of; I definitely had one the other night, though), but I have mental anxiety more than ever about really random and ridiculous things, and intrusive thoughts. I’ve gotten a lot of writing done but at the same time feel more unproductive than ever; I’ve always had bad executive dysfunction, but for the last couple months it’s felt worse. I’ve nearly dropped off of drawing entirely; I wish I did it more, but I’ll never be good enough and it’ll never get enough attention to feel like it’s worth the exhaustion it takes. And I probably have actual depression, if I didn’t before then I probably definitely do now; I’ve started to be able to tell the difference in my moods between days, where I feel really invigorated and into something and wanting to do something, and when I feel really down and can’t bring myself to do anything I mean even more than usual lol and feel like I want to cry sometimes for no reason.

I don’t feel as passionate about stuff anymore, which is probably a BIG WARNING SIGN cause I’ve heard other people say this, but yeah. I’m constantly feeling like I should go “give myself a break from writing”, so I just end up playing small, shorty video games that don’t hold my attention very well, instead of working on my backlog of big games that I know are gonna keep me busy for a while each once I start them... otherwise I just stay at my computer thinking that surely I’ll feel like writing something else soon, because I know deep down I want to work on filling my remaining ideas, and I know I can because I have been steadily uploading the last few months, but then I’ll just end up sitting here doing nothing in the end. Or if I get lucky, write. But it just feels like literally everything I do is happening at a snail’s pace now, for no reason. Getting through anime episodes now is tedious, at least for seasonal anime that I’m just trying out and not stuff I already know I’ll love. Keeping up with manga is hard too, I’m so behind on so many series, except for MHA because the chapters are short and weekly instead of monthly, which somehow helps. I like to read at night before sleeping, but I usually fall asleep so quickly after laying down, it’s frustrating. And none of this should matter because no one cares but me but I can’t stand it, especially when my anxiety is constantly making me worried about how long my lifespan is gonna be and that I need to hurry up and do shit quicker. :))))))

All of those mental health diagnoses are just speculation though, since I haven’t been officially looked at by anyone, cause we don’t know where to find anyone. Maybe adhd meds would help me, but who knows when I’ll be able to try any if I do, because I’m already taking so many physical health meds that my parents are always wary about adding unnecessary ones, especially since we’re so uneducated when it comes to the delicacies of mental health meds.

My health problem has morphed into a swallowing problem; I have extra saliva and mucus that gets “stuck” and won’t go down all the way unless I swallow a lot, and I can’t drink or eat anything anymore, which is literally the most agonizing thing in the world, I’m so thirsty (I’m still getting nutrition; please don’t ask how). I’ve done a couple tests and they’ve been fine, so no one knows what’s going on, and my parents have been lax about setting up to go to a better hospital because things aren’t urgent anymore like they used to be now that I have a reflux med. I mean, at least as far as I know; who tf knows what’s happening to me I also have leg nerve pain from sitting in a wheelchair all day every day, which is nothing new at all, it’s been a thing for years, but lately it’s been absolutely agonizing because I’m too underweight to pad my body and my wheelchair isn’t a good fit for me and getting the people to take the steps to change things takes literal months because they’re slow and lazy as molasses. My back is constantly tight too, to varying degrees, sometimes better, and I don’t know what that is, maybe anxiety, but that’s frustrating too cause it makes breathing ever so harder. So yeah, I’m not fearing for my life anymore, at least consciously, but things are still hard and I’m so tired that they’re still like this and they’re just making my mental health worse. I spend most days not doing anything, suffering in some small annoying way that’s enough to keep me from being able to focus on anything, and going to the relief of bed, to repeat forever.

I’m realizing that I’m just lonely. I’m so lonely. Everything is so different now than it was even three years ago; so many of my online friends are gone, even if we’re still mutuals on tumblr; the first online community I ever joined that first got me into online friendships and animanga has long since disbanded. Various mutuals on here I never really talked to but was used to seeing in my activity are gone. Other friends have changed slightly, though they’re still dear to me; I have new ones that are dear to me too, but yet others that I don’t feel a real connection with, and it feels like we’re just surface level acquaintances. One of my two closest and best of friends, one of the first friends I ever made years ago, abandoned me late last year, and to be honest I don’t know why. I did hurt her, but I feel confident in saying that it wasn’t to a degree that was unforgivable, or at least wasn’t worthy of a chance to redeem myself, so.... yeah, I don’t know why. She had changed a lot by that point, shut down a lot, and when I set her off and she left, it was as if all that time we’d spent so close together meant absolutely nothing anymore, had never happened... I don’t understand it. It hurts so much. I tried to contact her in other ways multiple times, by letter and by email, apologizing profusely, and she ignored all of them. It hurts and I’ve thought about it so much, I know I haven’t truly coped with it yet, but have only tried to ignore it, and I desperately need someone to tell me that I didn’t do anything wrong (at least, not wrong enough for that reaction). Cause right now I just still hate myself for it deep down, am so worried about her, worried about how she is right now, wish I knew what she was thinking/thought then, all because of my mistake..... I don’t understand, I don’t know what to do, and it makes me think that all this time I’ve been a lot more terrible of a person than I’ve ever known, and that I’ll just keep accidentally pushing people away by trying to get too close, just like her.

She abandoned me, the few “adult friends” I’ve had irl abandoned me and never talk to me anymore once they stopped working for us, so I guess I’m just cursed this way. The main thing is that I’m seeking and craving interactions with people that no one I know want to have; I love analyzing fiction and getting into the meta and all that stuff, said online friend who abandoned me and I were on nearly the same wavelength when it came to this kind of thing, and we talked for hours and hours about different series and what made them work and why they didn’t work, getting real Deep(tm), and going against popular fandom opinions we thought were wrong (cause we were/are in the minority who disagreed with some of the praise for certain big name series lmao) lol, and that was my normal for a few years... and to have all that be gone is so alien. We were going to collab on a fic together, and that barely got off the ground before she left. I’m dying to have it all back so much, but none of my other friends are into that kind of discussion like she was, and I feel like a piece of shit for acting like they’re “lesser” than her for that, but that’s basically how I’m unintentionally acting.... and I hate myself for it. But I can’t help it; I don’t know what to do. I just know I’m bursting at the seams practically with so much I want to talk about and do that I can’t and I’m so lonely and it’s all so frustrating and depressing and I’m so tired of it all. So aimless and tired and bored and unmotivated and afraid and wishing more than ever that I had 2016 back, before everything became so fucked up in so many ways.

I’m so sorry, anyone who’s friends with me now reading this; you’re all so important to me and I don’t mean to act like you’re not. I’m just sorry I’m such a mess. I need a new purpose, but I don’t know what that is. Maybe I should use this blog to write more meta posts, besides that one. Maybe I should actually post my fics here, although as everyone on tumblr knows, fics get even less notes than art does, so even though my MHA fics get a decent amount of attention as it is, maybe it wouldn’t matter if I put them here too. Is it obvious I’m just a lazy greedy lonely ass craving validation and attention and friendship at this point.......... lol......... I’m just a wreck, I feel so suppressed and aimless, trapped in a life that’s too suffocating and alone for me. And I don’t know how long I and this blog are going to stay this way, so........ I’m sorry, anyone who cares.

Thank you, everyone who’s followed me and still follow me; I appreciate you all so much, and haven’t forgotten a single one of you early ones I’ve talked to before. Hopefully eventually this blog will feel more alive again, eventually........ eventually.............. whenever I find what it is I need, somehow. In the meantime I’ll just keep reblogging MHA posts like a broken record I guess lol.

#personal posts #this is long overdue #I say as if I have a huge following and people who've been Waiting For News #looooooooool #tl;dr i am a lonely friendless bitch who wants attention and validation and friendship Exactly Like It Used To Be #stuck with probably all of the big mental health illnesses out there now who can't get jack shit done #........so basically like every other person on tumblr lmao #almost every day is pointless now even moreso than they already were #when will I be Free (hint: never as long as I stay stuck in a disabled body in a sheltered house with no friends and parents who don'tgetme

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icehaloed · 4 years

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❝ unfortunately for everybody i will keep doing whatever i want.

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

FULL NAME. uria ‘ ur ’ frida feldt NICKNAME / ALIAS. ur. while this is derived from her first name, it is also the sole name she introduces herself by; her last name is a vestige of a past she has long left behind. also: saint ur. GENDER. female HEIGHT. 159 cm BIRTHDAY. 12th of june X741 BIOLOGICAL AGE. 34 (post-canon) CHRONOLOGICAL AGE. 51 (post-canon) ZODIAC. gemini LANGUAGES. fiorean, ancient fiorean, icebergian, passing knowledge of other languages

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

HAIR COLOR. dark brown EYE COLOR. dark blue SKIN TONE. pale; although the sunlight reflects on the snow of her chosen home, she has never been the type to tan. BODY TYPE. she seems very petite, almost fragile — especially when one knows her history. however, this is a dangerously wrong conclusion. while not as toned as others, she is fit. and was strong enough to carry one student beneath each arm when they were younger. ACCENT. faintly northern, but the actually outstanding aspect of her speech is that she tends to speak . . . stilted, often sounding as if she was sounding her words out in her head before speaking. this is to avoid ‘outdated’ expressions. DOMINANT HAND. ambidextrous POSTURE. relaxed, nonthreatening, the latter always amplified by how harmless she looks. she neither draws attention, nor does she command it in any way. SCARS. a crisscross of scars on her right leg, giving it a ‘cracked’ appearance TATTOOS. none BIRTHMARKS. a mole on her left shoulder blade MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). traces of puzzlement on her face wherever she goes, a light tendency to purchase ‘outdated’ clothes etc

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 !

PLACE OF BIRTH. dulcamara, fiore HOMETOWN. she currently lives not far from iris village, a small village in the northern area of fiore MANNER OF BIRTH. announcing herself almost two months early, she was a welcome interruption as her mother had grown tired of her conversation partner. quickly, healers and doctors alike were called and before the next day dawned, the last child of elfrida and albert feldt was born. for a short time, the infant required medical attention, but this ceased after a few weeks --- the child was set on catching up to her older siblings and though she would forever be the shortest, she would succeed in other areas. FIRST WORDS. mine --- screeched out with as much indignation a tiny child can muster. for further context: her older sister had pretended to take away her favoured toy and ur was not having any of this SIBLINGS. two brothers, one sister: anders, frans and adina PARENTS. elfrida and albert feldt PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT. relatively high. they wanted the best for their children and though it was difficult to accept, they eventually came to the decision that despite their best attempts, the kindest thing they could do for their youngest daughter was to leave her be, to make room in the estate for her studies of magic, to hire tutors and buy ancient tomes. they clapped when ur, in her teen years, produced dainty flowers spun from ice, not quite understanding what they were witnessing ( history in the making ) but appreciative of their child's dedication to her craft. neither parent was a mage, so they did not have the best perspective on the dangers that accompany magic, but although some minor incidents in her early years could have been prevented, had her parents been stricter, ur never faulted them. ur left home when she was eighteen, not because of arguments or other resentments, but because she had reached the limits of how much she could learn in dulcamara. she dropped her last name, cut her first name down to its first two letters --- and started to write three letters to her family each year ( unless she got so busy that she forgot ).

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 !

OCCUPATION. mage / instructor / researcher CURRENT RESIDENCE. she lives in the middle of nowhere. usually, this would not cause much of a stir — everything in northern fiore is the middle of nowhere as many would argue — but even for those standards, the area were she lives is very deserted. the nearest settlement is iris village, but few would know of the village's existence. CLOSE FRIENDS. yeah RELATIONSHIP STATUS. committed to her relationship, no further definitions needed FINANCIAL STATUS. she has known both better and worse financial situations, though admittedly: it borders closer to worse these days. it has been difficult to withdraw any money from her old account as it has been frozen for almost twenty years now. it is not a priority just now, but . . . she would really like to be able not to count her money before she enters the store. RELIGIOUS STATUS. oh dear. having come back from a fate much like death means that ur definitely does not discard the possibility of higher powers. to deny it now would feel a lot like arguing against cold hard facts. still --- organised religion was never her cup of tea, and this has not changed when she has been canonised as a saint after heroically vanquishing deliora. VICES. independence. while this is usually a positively connoted trait, ur has proven her ability to take it somewhere where it becomes a problem. sometimes, it is better to ask for help instead of trying to figure everything out alone.

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. heterosexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION. heteroromantic LOVE LANGUAGE. her primary love language is quality time. having grown up in a household where everything material existed in abundance, she has learnt the value of time that one takes for another early on. for her, this perhaps the one thing she knows no money can buy, making a cup of tea emptied in quiet companionship more valuable than any jewellery in the world. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. she is loyal, sometimes to points where it is no longer healthy. she is supportive and, in turn, likes to be supported. being able to joke with someone else is a definite plus, too. after her last experiences with ' getting outside help ', she only feels validated in her independence.

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. hercules, sara bareilles HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. reading, hiking, baking, embroidery ( her needlework varies between pretty and ‘was made by an unmotivated toddler’ depending on her mood ) MENTAL ILLNESSES. depression PHYSICAL ILLNESSES. phantom pain in her leg, migraine LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. left PHOBIAS. none she is aware of SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. 9. while it is elevated due to the knowledge that she has created a magic that will outlast her, it is somewhat diminished whenever she asks herself if she could have done more to prevent ultear’s fate. VULNERABILITIES. emotionally? the guilt she feels for many, many things. the wound caused by willingly surrendering her life for the sake of others. physically? the part of her leg that she lost; while it is ‘back’ (so to speak) it does not quite feel right.

#▌█ ❄▐ ' about.

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epiloguebxy-blog · 7 years

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Best Friend! Yoongi (pt2)

PART ONE !!

word count: 1500+ idk lmao

alsO this is my thiRD time uploading this wtf im sorry i keep making mistakes

- Okay so like let’s be honest you guys would probably low key live together

- like you’d have a draw full of your clothes in his closet and you’d probably wear his sweaters without even realising and he’d have his own toothbrush in your bathroom

- and he’d always turn up at your house with a packet of Doritos and demand to play Mario Kart only to get really sulky when he loses

- “leave me alone, you cheated”

- “yoongi, you can exactly cheat at mAriO kART”

- “yeah whatever go make me a sandwich or somethin”

- “do it yourself lazy ass”

- he’d probably text you at 3 am like aLL THE TIME and you’ll always reply despite being half asleep and it’d be him asking for your opinion of some lyrics or he’d send you a lil demo like “I totally haven’t been working on this for 3 months,, tell me you hate it”

- I feel like late night drives would be a really common thing for you guys like he’d text you at 11pm “hey wanna get out for a bit?” and he’d come and pick you up and you’d head for the empty highway and you’d wind down the windows and turn up the music really loud and you’d laugh and sing along and your hair would tangle in the wind and push his hair out of his eyes

- And once it calmed down you would rest your head on your palm and close your eyes and just feel the cold wind blowing against your face and you’d look at the front window and see the few stars drowned out by the street lights all covered in a thin fog and it would be the most beautiful thing ever

- And he’d look at you for a second that felt like an eternity and a really small smile would play at his lips and he’d reach out gently punch your shoulder and you’d turn to look at him and he’d quickly flash you a gummy smile and fdsjhgf

- You’d leave the car radio playing songs in a language neither of you understood on full volume in the middle of no where, as to not get a noise complaint lmao

- You’d go and spend all the 7$ you had at a convenience store for breakfast at 4 am and then drive up a hill to watch the sun rise and eat kinoko no yama (both your guys’ favourite Japanese confectionary n if you don’t know what it is then pls go try it immediately it will bless your life)

- I honestly don't think you guys would call each other a lot, which is maybe why you spend so much time together in person, to hear each other’s voices,,, but I think when you’re not together you’d always be texting each other nonsense jokes that no one else could possibly understand

- But irl he’d probably never laugh at your jokes and tell you how you’re not funny but you’d just smirk and start tickling him and he’d yell at you to stop while smiling like an idiot

- “y/N I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL DISOWN U AS A FRIEND”

- “lol yoongi look you’re laughing, I told you I was funny !!”

- Tbh you’d argue All The Time

- “y/n wtf is that my shirt I was looking fOr thAt”

- “youRE THE ONE WHO LEFT IT AT MY HOUSE”

- OR like “yoongi can you get me some water”

- “get it yourself lazy ass”

- “aftER EVERYTHING I DO FOR YOU”

- And “yoongi can you carry me, my feet hUrt sO BAD”

- “like hell I can lift you”

- “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING”

- “udsgfd iM TOO WEAK??”

- “YEAH I THOUGHT SO”

- I feel like music would be the only thing you guys don't argue about like you both have such broad music tastes and appreciate any and every song and you’d always recommend songs to each other and you’d make each other playlists and he’d save them all and listen to them when he was unmotivated to work

- Honestly tho he probably likes to make you feed him

- Liked youd be on your phone and he’d walk in with a bowl of ramen and shove it into your hands then lay down on a bean bag

- “you made me food?”

- “lol no ofc not, feed me”

- “wtf no”

- “please”

- “only if I can have some”

- and he’d roll his eyes but agree and you’d end up eating most of it and he’d complain that he didn’t make it for you but then you’d counter with “wHY would you give it to me in the first place?! Ofc im gonna eat it !!”

- “You’re sO greedy”

- you know how some friends are like “touchy” like hug whenever they say hello or bye or whatever well yeah that’s not this friendship

- I don’t think you’ve ever actually hugged yoongi

- Rephrase,,,,, I don't think yoongi has ever acTUALLy hugged you

- except maybe this one time he had to go away for a bit and he muttered a bored bye as he left but after a month or so away from you he realised he actually started to miss you??

- like sure you text all the time but yoongi builds and maintains relationships from physical interactions and he honestly just missed how you would bite your lip when playing a game on your phone or how you would always close your eyes when chewing your food to make the most of the flavour

- so like you would of course come to pick him up from the airport and you probably made like a sign with his name on it in case he forgot what you looked like because, let’s be real, he probably had

- so like when he walks out of the terminal and sees you he kinda just feels so relieved like okay you’re okay and you’re smiling and you’re alive and he can see you every day again and he was just so glad you’re his best friend

- but like he’d play it really good like “good to see your annoying face lol” and you’d grin and reach up to mess up his hair like “i missed you too yoongi” and you’d turn and start leading the way to the car

- but like really out of the blue he’d just grab your arm and pull you into a hug

- let’s just take a second to talk about how amazing yoongi’s hugs would be omgdfh like he’d hold you really close and it would be so comfortable like he would be such a cuddly person and the firmness of his arms around your waist would just be really nice and he’d snuggle his face into your hair and he’d absolutely love the smell and he just missed you a lot more than he’d ever admit and you’d be so shocked but like immediately hug him back like waoh !! this might not happen again !!

- it’d be over just as suddenly it happened though and he’d look at your feet “yeah I missed you I guess let’s go get food I’m starving” and you’d both be in such a Great Mood ahh

- Dying your hair together!!!

- Like I feel like this would be something you guys did often

- like imagine you’re in family mart or something (family mart totally don’t sell hair dye but lol anyways) and you’re looking at all the different colours

- he’d put his hand to his chin, pretending to be deep in thought

- you’re pointing at all the pretty pastel colours

- “oooo we should totally do this purple colour”

- “I already look gay enough wearing this stupid pink sweater you made me”

- you laugh and shove his shoulder gently, to which he reaches over and messes up your newly bleached blonde hair (ready for dyeing) that matched his own blond hair that fell over his forehead

- you eventually decide on a baby blue colour

- okay but imagine,, you guys are sitting on the edge of the bathtub at your place and yoongi just wants to open the box and put the stuff all through his hair and istg you had to wrestle him for it back and now you’re lecturing him on the importance of reading the instructions

- he’d sit impatiently as you followed the instructions ever so slowlyyy

- “y/n I’ve done this a ton of times before you don’t need to read all that ugh”

- “okay so,, then you're supposed to shake it??”

- “uGH”

- ayay im gonna stop there

- I just really love the idea of best friend yoongi

- Actually I just really love the idea of yoongi

- Actually I just really love yoongi

- I hope you enjoyed ahah

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