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sinkix · 4 years

Text

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here

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Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library.

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off.

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating???

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

#hq #haikyuu #nekoma #yaku morisuke #lev haiba #yamamoto taketora #kuroo testuro #kenma kozume #inuoka sou

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ashenhawk · 4 years

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Headcannons for the seven obey me brothers on what they will do if their MC was heart broken from a recent fail relationship?

Hey my friend! ^^ I’m so sorry I took so long with this! I hope its to your liking. c’:

Lucifer:

Even demons as mighty as Lucifer know that a broken heart is nothing to scoff at. His heart was broken when Lilith died, and while its not really the same situation... the pain he still feels in his heart makes him care for you.

While he’s unsure what he can do to help, and he isn’t sure how to approach the subject of comforting them, you know that he cares deep down by the sad look he gets when you bring it up.

He may seem like a sadist through and through but wishes to find a way to help you heal.

His surprisingly gentle touch and genuine words touch your heart in a way you didn’t know Lucifer could do. He’s... slow, soft, never pushing you to hurry up and move on.

Lucifer’s patience helps you heal, even before you realize that he is helping you in part because he’s in love with you. In time, with his support, having him there helps you to feel less sad and alone.

And in time as well, you fall for him. When you tell him your feelings he asks you if you’re really ready. You tell him you are; after all, you have him by your side now!

Mammon:

He’s not too sure how to comfort you, not in the slightest.

Of course he cares about you! You’re... you, the lowly human who manages to melt the heart of the great Mammon! But how does he show you that without being pushy or coming across as soft or weak?

His attempts start off in a very “Mammon-y” sort of way, saying things like “just forget bout that bastard, MC!” or “they’re not worth your time anyway, they’re the lowest scum!”

The gesture is kind in meaning, but a bit of a harsh way to help someone whose heart is genuinely broken. You appreciate his help, obviously, but you can’t just forget about your ex.

Eventually Mammon realizes he’s not doing much for your sake by being stubborn about speaking openly.

He speaks up one day, in a more serious tone than usual, and even though his face is red and his words are a bit stuttery, he manages to get out a genuine speech to you.

He tells you how much YOU are worth, and not just in comparison to your ex but in general. To him, you’re worth ... so much. And he hates seeing you hurting over some bastard who didn’t deserve you.

In the end he steers off course and adds a quiet mumble about how clearly, if you’re going to date again, you gotta choose someone great. Someone... y’know... someone like Mammon!

Leviathan:

Levi himself isn’t all that familiar with real life heartbreak. He’s gotten plenty of hearbreaking endings in dating sims but he’s not familiar with how heart wrenching the real thing is.

He’s got a lot of empathy for video game characters, though, and he feels real sadness when he gets his heart broken in a game, so he tries to draw on that for an example and then multiplies that by 14, figuring that his sadness times fourteen would be approximately what a real break up would be.

And... oh. Wow. That feels horrible just to think about.

Levi wants to reassure you that you’ll be able to move on but he’s unsure what to actually say. So, instead, he offers you distractions. Anytime you seem sad he invites you to play a game with him or watch a show together or just hang out.

His priority is to make sure you don’t feel alone. He texts you frequently, asking how you feel. He even tells you that you can vent to him if you need. He doesn’t say much back, but he listens.

In the end Levi doesn’t admit to you that he loves you, though. He’s too afraid of pushing the subject, of it being too soon, of you rejecting him, of him experiencing heartbreak from that rejection, “oh god that’s horrifying I can’t tell MC I can’t I can’t I can’t --”, and it escalates until he’s jealous of your ex and angry at them for hurting you but angry at himself for not speaking up but aaahhhhhhhh -----!

But even without words the feelings are clear. Your time with Levi is so, so special. He’s one of a kind.

Satan:

When he finds out that you were hurt he’s angry. Satan is so, so pissed off that someone would dare break your heart! They must be worse scum than Mammon to do such a thing.

He offers to kill your ex. You tell him not to but he just barely holds back.

When that initial anger goes away he focuses his energy on helping you. He doesn’t really know what to say or do specifically but he tries his best.

When you’re down he texts you cat memes. It becomes a tradition that anytime you’re feeling sad you’ll get a cute cat pic sent to you. Eventually, he’s sent too many for you to keep saving all the pictures.

Even though you said not to kill your ex, Satan still has something similar to daydreams where he kills the asshole in various manners to make them pay for hurting you. He gets a terrifying smile on his face whenever this happens.

Satan knows that he wants you to be happy but it takes him a while to realize he’s in love with you, and that that’s why he feels so strongly about this. When he does realize... all bets are off. He’s determined to win you over, not just because he loves you but because he knows he would never ever break your heart in such a way.

Starts sending you memes of cats snuggling with captions like “this could be us haha jk unless”. It always brings a smile to your face!

Beelzebub:

He hates seeing you hurt/sad. When you’re crying or sorrowful, it makes him hurt too.

Beel is there for you as a friend first and foremost. Because he doesn’t know what to say, his actions speak louder than words.

He’s so big and strong that his presence is comforting on its own but he takes it to another level with the way he’ll pat your head or scoop you up and hug you to comfort you.

Any time you need someone to talk to he wants to hear you out. He listens to you intently. He cares, deeply, honestly, completely.

And even though he can’t think of a big speech to make that’ll make you feel better he’s open about that care he has for you. He directly tells you he wants you to be happy and that he’s on your side.

If your sadness doesn’t ease, Beel starts to worry about you so much that he loses his appetite. He tells this to Belphie, which is what makes his twin brother realize that Beel loves you more than he’s probably aware.

Beel tells you that if you ever need someone to defend you against your ex in any way, he and his muscles are at your service.

Reassuring hugs from Beel slowly change to reassuring kisses. Your hurt diminishes without any grand gesture... just Beel and his support.

Belphegor:

The sleepy demon is pissed beyond words to hear about your heart break. While he’s given up on killing all humans of course, he would certainly make an exception for your ex.

He doesn’t take it quite as far as Satan does but his anger is crystal clear.

Belphie finds naps healing and offers to let you use him as a pillow.

(I have a personal headcanon that all of the demons have a power related to their sin and Belphie’s is the ability to help people have a peaceful sleep + sweet dreams, so he’d absolutely put that to use)

He tells you that if you want, you never have to go back to the human world and be around that person again. You can stay there and live happily, peacefully, in your own world with him and Beel.

Asmodeus:

He’s had so many partners and broken so many hearts that he actually can’t comprehend the matter. Why not just move on? There’s plenty of lovely people out there to take your mind off your ex - Asmo himself, for example! So... why are you still so sad...?

Even though Asmodeus doesn’t get it, he does at least understand that you are hurting and that he wants to help you.

He tries offering himself as a replacement but that doesn’t help things; you’re not ready to move on, especially not just for a friend with benefits situation.

Asmodeus is very driven by lust and much of his attempts to help so far have come from that. So when Asmo realizes he needs to take another approach and makes a genuine effort to speak seriously and honestly around you, that alone is enough to show he cares deeply.

When he reassures you that everything will be okay and that you’ll love again without pain, the sympathy he feels is earnestly presented.

His brothers realize he’s in love with you before he does, since he’s not used to that “real” love emotion. They can tell clearly from how he holds back from making lewd comments to you that might bring back hurt feelings.

When Asmo starts acting more like a friend in this way, ironically that’s what makes you start to like him back. You see another side of him with the way he tries to help heal you.

#obey me #obey me!#beelzebub #belphegor #asmodeus #lucifer #satan #mammon #leviathan #headcanons #my writing #the-heart-of-anime

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rpbetter · 3 years

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Raven used to be my friend but I had to cut ties recently due to feeling like walking on eggshells everytime we spoke and they never apologized to me for when I brought up something that they did upset me. I really miss them but I don't want to deal with the if it's not about me I don't care attitude.

Pt 2 of Ravens old friend. They reblogged anti fandom posts on their resource blog and I happened to be in that fandom and it hurt. A resource blog shouldn't be doing that.

Hey, Anon! I wanted to post this before I released one of my drafts, as that draft happens to be something I do not want you to misconstrue being about you. Thought about it after the fact and honestly, felt a bit ill over potentially making you think any such thing! The post is about how pushy people can be about what they like (usually as regards fandom) that you don't, and how that can be a contributing factor toward people saying hateful things about fandom topics. It was the quickest of the finished drafts sitting around to edit, so it was being queued, that's all! I do not think you were being pushy about your likes to "deserve" this, and frankly, even if you had? One's meme/resource/help blog is not the venue for shitting on your friends.

Okay, just wanted to clarify, everyone is stressed and feeling judged enough, I don't want to inadvertently contribute to that with any drafted posts!

I'm really sorry this happened, Anon. I don't mean that in a passing, flippant way that looks good on my blog. Not that I mean anything that way lol but I frequently have had "friends" in the past who felt like it was totally fine to reblog, even make original posts, like what you're talking about. Anti-fandom, anti my part of the fandom, my muses, my takes, and so on. Really hurtful things when we'd spoken in DMs about how upsetting it was, then they go and throw full support behind it in front of me.

It would be irritating with a grain of betrayal if it was a friend of a shorter time, or a mutual one doesn't really interact with OOC, but with a closer or longtime friend, it's actively hurtful. It feels like they looked you right in the face, said they do not give a single shit about either what is important to you or sparing your feelings, and went on. Yeah, it's just fiction, but the way we treat each other over fiction is real.

Given the behaviors displayed openly, it's not a shock you received no apology. Whether you got an apology or not, though, good on you for trying to bring it up to them! It's hard to do that with friends, even ones you're more certain won't blow up at you for it. I think if we could all be a little more (calmly, nicely, reasonably) open with each other like this, we could avoid problems that result from things festering and piling up, but it's hard to take that step...and I'm sorry this was your reward for it.

Just as blogs that are not one's RP or personal blogs shouldn't be openly judging and hating fandoms like that, friends shouldn't leave you feeling like you're walking on eggshells.

And, I'm going to say something unpopular here - sometimes, we all are capable of doing that to people we care about. Bad moments in lives combine, there are misunderstandings, sensitive topics, and things we can't entirely control otherwise. I don't like this idea tumblr has that anything other than a perfect, sweet, forever-cheery relationship is the actual height of abuse, so I want to be clear on that because it's just trivializing and blinding people to the possibility of toxic and abusive interactions. When you think "toxic" means "they don't like x, I love x, we don't talk about it," you're not aware of legitimate signs like being too worried to be yourself around them.

It's when this is the typical, established behavior that it's a problem. It's when there's never any meaningful acknowledgment, apology, or attempt at changing that it's a problem. If you constantly feel like you have to be worried about what a friend is going to say or do, it's not a friendship you need to be in, and I'm glad you recognized that and got out of it!

But there's also the idea that this is easy because it's the right and logical choice. It is not, and it's often made even harder because admitting to other friends that you miss the good times with the former one is all but impossible. They're often only reacting out of concern for you, the fear that if you miss this person they watched hurt you, you'll go back to that friendship, but it effectively shuts down a more healthy way of dealing with your feelings by sharing them with better friends who could support you.

So, Anon, it's also fully alright and normal to miss Raven! They were a longtime friend, and the thing about these kinds of friendships, these kinds of relationships in general, is that we seem to fail to realize that if things were straight awful from day one, we'd not have been friends. Of course, there are memories! Of course, you have the impulse to send them a link or that meme you know is their humor! It doesn't stop for a long time, either. That doesn't mean you're fucked up for it, it's something to be ashamed of, or that you're going to drop your better judgment and go send Raven a message immediately and rekindle that friendship. It's okay!

This right here: "I don't want to deal with the if it's not about me I don't care attitude." This is the place you should be in, and I congratulate you on being there because it takes a lot of shit heaped on someone by a friend to get there. Just keep remembering the good things you experienced with them, but always with this in mind, that their end of the friendship appears to have been predicated upon what they were getting out of it only.

Case in point, like everything they displayed to the whole damn RPC that encountered them these last few months, their personal interest and viewpoint was of greater importance to them with that anti-fandom post than a friend was.

I will say, it can be a delicate thing having this blog. I have opinions and takes that most of my friends share, what's important to me tends to run in the same lines as what is important to them, that's the basis of a lot of our friendship. We still disagree! We still have different interests, fandoms, favorite characters, songs, and experiences. Sometimes, I have to address a problem that they could misconstrue, in a totally normal and reasonable way, because while they're not doing whatever in a bad way, others are. I've made a point, more than once, to contact them and talk about it a little preemptively, and that's not just to keep up friendships, it also allows for extra insight from them and better phrasing from me so that other people I don't know won't take it the wrong way either.

Yes, I have some immutable, incredibly hard lines lol I think we all know what most of them are now, but expressing my purely personal opinion on something like fandom is not more important on this blog than anything else. I may genuinely feel like there is diseased connective tissue of disappointing behavior stemming from an origin point in a popular fandom, I'm not going to go off about it on this blog. It's inappropriate as hell, going to make people feel isolated and targeted whether they're my friends or not. Being passionately displeased about that does not have place here, and that's the kind of thing you have to consider, reconsider, force yourself to shut up about when you've got a blog that isn't for RP or a personal, you know?

I don't think everyone is cut out for doing that, and no one is cut out for doing it without ever making a mistake in judgment. Some people really should simply realize that there is nothing wrong with not being in the place in their lives or mental health to put that much effort into being fair or being quiet and concentrating only on memes. If you're one of those people, random reader? I'm serious, it's okay if you can't do it! It's not shameful, I'm also a deeply flawed human being, the quietest, politest, helpful meme blog out there is also run by a flawed human, they're just at a different place with themselves than you are. And. That's. Okay. Just don't hurt other people (and yourself, ultimately) by forcing it, please.

I suppose, knowing that it wasn't important enough to chill and reevaluate for the sake of a friend is some consolation lol what one won't do for friends definitely won't be done for random muns deemed problematic. So, maybe that'll make some other people out there feel a little better, and I thank you for sharing...as much as I wish you had nothing of this experience to share. I know it's an unpleasant one to have had, and I hope you have much better friends!

I promise you that I'll never post anything here that is viciously against any particular fandom or any such thing, and that if you feel like I've been unfair about anything at all, I welcome polite messages as a way of discussing it so we can all be clear and/or learn from each other. I know, I openly admit, it's kind of a draw of the blog, that I have a...um, tone of salt about things lol and sometimes, I don't phrase things the way they deserved. So, it's always okay to drop in for clarification or counterpoint, so long as it isn't being done with a shitty attitude that incites hostilities. Let's do have a legitimate conversation about it instead of hurt feelings!

Thanks again, Anon!

#vespertine #answered #anonymous #fandom #toxic friendships #drama cw

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punsandfuturekingsmen-archive · 3 years

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|| Hi, you’ve been hit by the positivity train! The person who sent this thinks you’re amazing, beautiful, worthy, and sweet. You are automatically encouraged to send this to a minimum of five people, even if they have gotten it before. There can never be too much positivity! - GLAD YOU'RE BACK! You have always been creative and a meme lord, and I for one am happy to be able to plot with you again. Bright heart and fantastic vibes.

/I’ve been sitting here for over an hour trying to think of how to respond to this besides just ‘no u’ that my brain wanted to throw back. So instead u get stream of conscious being Decidedly Gay

I think you’re incredibly kind and funny and sweet. I love your characters and how much thought and effort you put into each one, and I really enjoy getting to talk to you. I really really missed everyone, and I thought about you guys all pretty much every to every other day and hoped you were all doing alright. Being around everyone makes me incredibly happy, even if I know I can be quiet or don’t have the words to properly convey it or be as funny and engaging back. Even just listening makes me feel warm.

And you!! I already said you make great characters, but they’re so fun and I love them!! I’ve really enjoyed the interactions we’ve talked about happening, and listening to some of your world-building has been awesome! I love how you’ve thought of things so extensively like for Alice, and even just listening makes me want to interact with you as much as possible and do all the things, even for things I know little to nothing about haha

I love the shenanigans our characters get up to, and I’m looking forward to meeting any and all of yours you’re willing to throw my way (or that are willing to engage Arthur should I throw them theirs haha). I really enjoy writing with you because the stories always end up being so neat and interesting and how the characters interact is always fun! It’s been incredibly entertaining the short time I’ve been writing Arthur again. I’m looking forward to seeing how things continue to go and how things may go with any character he meets of yours!

Also you are in general a very sweet person. You get so excited about things and you take the time to check in with friends and make sure things are okay. You have fun goofing off with others and sending terrible memes or cursed things and you support your friends however you can. It’s sweet and endearing and you’re just-- a good soul that I’m grateful to know.

You deserve a lot better than the luck you’ve gotten. But I’m so grateful you’re here and creating and have a space to have fun in. If you ever feel like you’re not good enough or that you don’t do a good job, I will bap those feelings with a newspaper because it couldn’t be further from the truth. You make great things that are so engaging and interest-grabbing and I always want to know more, do more. I think you and a few others are one of the few reasons I come back to tumblr and want to be around as much as I am. You’re kind and compassionate and excited about things and it just draws people in. People enjoy being around you, even when you’re being a terrible meme haha. You’re hilarious and silly and thoughtful and you are excellent friend material

And I feel so much gratitude that when I think of you I get to call you a friend in my head haha. You’re very important to me and make me go !!! when I see you replied or sent a thing and I always want to do as much as possible and interact as much as I can. It makes me ridiculously happy you interact with me and even want to, and I’m just very grateful to know you’re here and think of you as a friend. I’m glad to be back when i get to spend time with you and everyone else, and I’m stuffing ur mailbox with friendship and cookies i swear

Also, no u

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himbowelsh · 4 years

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paralysis and baberoe for the injury/sickness meme please?

a little fall of meme can hardly hurt me now ( accepting )

AN: So, this spiraled a bit, and turned long... you probably didn’t sign up for all of this, but whoop, here’s a fake snake species created just for the angst!!

It happens too quick to see — even in the aftermath, when they’re both blinking at each other in confusion and wondering exactly what the hell happened. This is what Babe knows for sure: he and Doc Roe are trudging through a wooded shortcut just discovered by Janovec this morning, because Babe wants to show Gene this really cool lake he found, because Gene seems like the sort of person who likes lakes… and Gene is a few steps ahead of him, moving fluidly through the woods, and he’s saying something Babe’s only half-listening to because the sunlight dappled through trees to hit Gene’s inky hair is something to see, okay, and then Gene must ask him a question he completely misses because Gene turns to him, and his eyes are smiling where his mouth isn’t, and he takes a step back…

Crack. Snap. “Shit!”

So, there are snakes in Austria. This would have been a nice thing to mention beforehand.

“Gene?” The word leaves Babe’s mouth like a foreign object. He can’t really process what he’s seeing, is the thing — and from the look on Gene’s face, neither can he. He's bent forward with one leg lifted lightly over the ground, hand clasped to his ankle. It takes a minute for Gene to look up at Babe again. When he does, his mouth is tight around the edges; all traces of that silent laughter are gone.

“This might be bad,” he declares, and lifts his hand to show blood.

“Jesus Christ!”

Babe can’t help cringing, his entire body arcing into himself, like the two tiny punctures on Gene’s ankle are the goriest sight he’s ever seen. Far from it, really… but just the idea of some slimy thing digging its teeth in him stings, never mind actually looking at it. The wound on Gene’s ankle is bright red, leaking blood like twin bullet wounds. It’s not spurting out or anything, not like when Jackson got hit, but… Jesus, those are bites. Goddamn bites. Babe is so busy staring at the snake marks that he almost forgets Gene is staring at him.

“Don’t you pass out on me, Heffron,” Gene orders, voice sharp as steel.

Babe snaps back to attention with army-honed quickness, a wheeze escaping him as he straightens up. “No… no way. It’s fine. Christ, it’s okay, Gene.”

“Actually, it’s poisoned,” Gene remarks mildly.

“What?”

“Two holes means venomous.” Gene’s hand hovers over the ankle, like even he’s uncertain what to do about it, and that scares Babe more than anything else. “Not to mention, it burns like hell.”

Suddenly, the simple act of standing feels like running through open fire. Babe turns his attention to the ground, hopping on his toes, like more snakes are about to slither in and eat him alive… but he only catches sight of movement on the ground not far from Gene. A sleek brown serpent slithers away into the bushes. Other than that, the forest floor is bare.

“Think I stepped on it,” Gene continues, voice tight and aggravated. “No wonder it bit me, but he sure blends in — hopping won’t help you, Heffron, cut that out.”

“Who decided not to mention snakes?”

“You didn’t listen when they mentioned snakes,” Gene corrects. His chest is kinda heaving, like drawing breath takes more effort, but that’s got to just be from adrenaline, right? Or could it be the snakes? Babe’s never seen a goddamn snake before, he lives in South fuckin’ Philly, he doesn’t know these things — “We got antivenom back at base, but ain’t had to use it before. Some of these fellas can be nasty customers.”

“No kidding.” Babe is still eyeing Gene’s bite like it’s about to bite him. Venom… if the bite’s poisoned, then why does it look so simple? Like any old cut his little sister could get from playing with Ma’s sewing needles, or what Babe’s been dumb enough to do to himself on old nails. Just… punctures. Not any weird colors, not leaking anything... except they were made with teeth, from a goddamn serpent, and that’s all the difference.

Not to mention, if that wound’s poisoned, doesn’t that mean...

Suddenly, the word venom clicks in his head, like he’s just translated it from a different language. People get sick from snake bites; they even die from them. Something in Babe’s stomach bottoms out, a new wave of panic gripping him. They’ve gotta get Gene back to town, and to that antivenom. Now.

“Alright, Gene. Up and at ‘em!” In the time Babe’s spent processing this, Gene sat down hard on the ground… which seems like the worst place to be for a fella who's already been a snake’s chew toy once today. Babe leans forward, holding out a hand, but Gene just blinks at it.

“Yeah,” he says slowly, like Babe’s just told a joke he doesn’t get. “Okay.”

“Okay, get up! Not — Gene, we’ve been over this already, for chrissakes —“ Babe seizes hold of his hand for him, and hauls him up in one fell swoop. It helps that Gene doesn’t weigh all that much — but even this weight is a lot, when his legs buckle as soon as he’s on his feet. Yelping, Babe scrambles to steady him, an arm locking around his ribcage. “What the hell, Gene?”

“Sorry, sorry…” Gene forces himself back upright, but has to brace too much of his weight against Babe for either of them to pretend it hadn’t happened at all. “Leg, uhh, feels weird. Getting all numb.”

“How fast does the venom spread?”

“Well, it depends on the snake, don’t it? Should have asked him how quick he wanted to kill me.” And, okay, Babe deserves the annoyed clip in his voice, but Gene talking about death so casually does nothing for his swelling panic. “Seems to work pretty fast. I’ve never seen this before, Heffron, so I don’t know.”

They don’t have any time to stand around bickering about this. Babe leads Gene forward, one step after another. This time, Gene manages to stay upright; even though he’s obviously favoring one leg over another, he matches Babe’s pace. “We ain’t got snakes back in Philly, so this is all new to me,” Babe declares, just to say something in his own defense. “Haven’t you got snakes down in Louisiana?”

“Sure. But in Bayou Chene, our reptiles’ve got a lot more teeth. Not to mention legs.” At Babe’s look of aghast horror, Gene just huffs. “You’ll figure it out, Heffron.”

“Don’t tell me the little fuckers can grow legs. Gene? You’re messing with me, right? He can’t run after us, can it? Jesus, Mary and—“

Gene stumbles again, so suddenly that Babe barely has the chance to catch him. One second he’s walking, and the next —

“C’mon, Gene,” Babe huffs, propping the man back upright. “I know it hurts, but we aren’t too far. You gotta make it back.”

“I’m trying,” Gene snaps, with a ferocity that takes Babe aback. He’s never heard that growl in the old Doc’s voice, or seen such wire-taut frustration in his eyes. Gene’s hands clench into fists, one gripping his knee and the other steadied against Babe’s chest. It takes a moment before he’s willing to put weight on it again. The skin around the cut is already bright red and inflamed; as Babe watches, he swears he can see it swell up a bit more, like a goddamn balloon. It’s hell to look at, so he can’t imagine what Gene’s got to be feeling.

As soon as Gene tests his weight, the leg buckles. He falls to one knee, a sharp curse escaping him; a second later, in his struggle to scramble back up, he just manages to fall sideways and land on his ass.

Babe is left feeling profoundly helpless — eager to help, but certain of wounding Gene’s pride if he tries. “What — what’s wrong with it?” he asks instead, sounding too much like a frightened kid.

Gene’s hand hovers over the swollen ankle... but at the first touch he draws away with a hiss. Instead, he fondles up his calf, brows knit together and face paler than usual. “It…” he says, and pauses for a long moment. When he draws in a breath, it trembles. “It’s really burning. Burning bad, but it’s not… Heffron, I don’t know. Don’t think I can walk on it.”

“Why not?” Babe demands, desperate.

“Because it’s gone numb.” When Gene looks up, his eyes are black and piercing; they cut straight through Babe’s soul. “I can’t feel my leg, Babe. All the way up to the knee, and it’s moving fast.”

“What the hell’s it doing? Paralyzing you?”

He means it as a joke. Gene doesn’t laugh.

“Shit.” Babe presses a hand to his face, then runs it through his hair with earnest. “Shit, shit, shit. Will that kill you? It sounds like it can kill you.”

“Depends on how quick it gets to my lungs.” The amazing thing is how calm Gene sounds, in spite of it all. No one should sound that fucking calm while a deadly toxin’s blazing through their system. If anyone could, it’s Gene Roe — but all the panic he doesn’t have, Babe’s got in spades. For a moment, it’s paralyzing.

The thought clicks in his head too late; he goes still, and barks out a harsh, sudden laugh. Panic is paralyzing him while Gene’s literally being paralyzed.

Goddammit, Heffron, get your shit together.

“Okay,” he says — and finally, finally, he’s not two inches away from tumbling over the edge. Maybe he doesn’t know what’s happening, but he can at least sound like it. “You really think you can’t walk on it, huh?” When Gene shakes his head, eyes grin, Babe’s mouth goes tight. “Okay! We got two options here, Gene. We could sit and wait for your goddamn lungs to freeze up, or —“ Babe swallows hard, like forcing an entire egg down his throat, and straightens his shoulders. “Or, I gotta carry you the rest of the way.”

It’s not ideal. They both know it. Gene isn't that light, Babe isn’t that strong, and a fella has a certain amount of dignity even when he might be dying. The thing is — they don’t have any other options. Sitting and waiting is out of the question, so far out of the question that it ain’t a question at all. If they don’t move, Gene will just get worse... and no way in hell is Babe letting that happen.

Their eyes lock, and a ripple of unspoken communication passes between them. Something in Gene’s expression steels itself, while Babe forces a deep breath.

“Alright,” Gene says. “Let’s go.”

Babe hits the ground on one knee, and Gene’s arms wrap around his neck a second later. Credit where credit’s due, he’s not taking any chances; no way will Babe be able to drop him when Gene’s got a grip like a clingy toddler, locking around his neck like he’s half-set on strangling him. Babe chokes involuntarily, and Gene quickly eases up; a muttered “sorry” rumbles in his ear as the grip adjusts.

When Gene finally feels steady, Babe hauls himself to his feet, dragging the other man up with him. Now, Gene’s full weight is really braced against him, and it hurts. Hastily, Babe scrambles to get a more solid grip, hunching forward to ease him up. After a moment, he feels Gene leave the ground, most of that weight settling on his shoulders and back.

“Jesus, Doc,” he mutters. “You been storin’ food through the winter? Bastogne’s over now, buddy, you can share the wealth!”

Gene cuffs him lightly on the side of the head. In spite of the situation, Babe laughs.

After that, it’s just… putting one foot in front of the other. A harder task than you’d think, because of Babe thought dragging him alone was tough, carrying a guy is even worse. Is this how Luz feels all the time, with his massive radio? Better yet, where’s Bull Randleman when you need him? If Babe was meant to haul fellas around like potato sacks, he wouldn’t have played the goddamn trumpet in high school. Despite the weight, he steels himself and pushes forward. Going is slower than he’d like, but at least they’re moving. Base isn’t that far away, and they’re still going faster than they would if Gene were walking on his own.

Gradually, Babe’s breathing grows more labored. His body working overtime to carry twice its weight, struggling to keep up. It takes him too long to realize he isn’t the only one. Gene’s body is working harder too; his breaths are gradually turning into pants, arms tightening around Babe’s shoulders as his legs slowly grow slack. Through their layers of clothing, Babe can feel Gene’s heartbeat against his back. It’s too damn fast.

“How you holdin’ in there, Gene?” he asks, after his grip on the other man’s ass nearly slips. Not much longer now — it can’t be long, can it?

“I’m — uhh —“ Gene takes too long to answer, and that scares Babe the most. His voice is hoarse, too low to be called anything but a murmur. “Been better.”

“Yeah, I bet.” And that tells Babe exactly nothing. “What are you feeling?”

“Uh,” says Gene.

“Okay, better question, what aren’t you feeling?”

“Well — my legs are still there, right?”

Jesus Christ. “Yeah, they’re still there.”

“All I need to know.”

Forcing the worry out of his mind, Babe charges forward. At last, the path is more road than wilderness, somewhere familiar. More sure of himself now, Babe leads the way, silently praying for a Jeep to pass. Anything that can get them there quicker will be a godsend; as it is, they’re fifteen minutes out from any help, and he’s really not sure Gene can last that long.

The burden on his back only grows heavier as Gene becomes more and more dead weight. He murmurs something about his fingers, and suddenly his hands have grown slack; Babe just tightens his grip, knowing that if Gene can no longer hang on, the situation’s going to get a whole lot harder. What other options does he have? Fireman’s hold? Bridal carry? Hell, he could try it —

“Babe,” Gene mutters, pressing the word into the side of his neck as his head lolls against Babe’s shoulder. “We almost there?”

“Yeah, buddy. Almost. Stay with me, okay?”

“‘Kay,” Gene agrees, and doesn’t try to speak again. Maybe he doesn’t have the energy; maybe he just can’t get the words together. It’s hard to tell which idea scares Babe the most.

He’s just readjusting his grip on Gene’s limp lower body when a distinctive rattle echoes from further down the path. Babe goes tense. A second later, the truck rounds the corner, in all its rattling glory. With a whoop, Babe charges straight for it, practically bouncing in the middle of the road.

“Hold it! Hey, stop the damn car!”

The driver is a stranger, a supply man who doesn’t look a bit happy about being halted on his route. “What’s goin’ on here?” he demands, looking Babe and his unusual cargo up and down.

Babe doesn’t even bother replying. Before the guy can protest, he slings Gene up into the truckbed and scrambles in after him, slamming on the hood for good measure. “Sorry, buddy, but you gotta turn around. Get us to the hospital now!”

“Hospital? What for?”

“For crissakes, I’ll tell ya as we drive, just go! It’s an emergency!”

The engine rumbles to life again. Babe hunches over Gene, eager to protect him from the dust and smog. Underneath him, Gene is tense and unmoving; each breath rattles in Babe’s ears, louder than the truck as it begins to gutter down the road. After a moment, it’s safe enough to pull back. Babe forces himself up on aching arms to regard Gene’s face, and nearly chokes on his own heart.

Gene’s face is colorless. Completely drained, a stark milky-grey like laundry water after Ma’s gotten through with it. His mouth hangs half-open, lips shuddering as he clings to every earnest breath. Black eyes, darker than ever in his ghostly face, peer blankly up at the sky. Desperate to rouse him, Babe presses a hand against his face, and finds that his skin is burning.

“Shit, shit — Gene! Stay with me, buddy!”

It takes a minute for the life to stir back in his eyes. “Where’m I gonna go?” Gene finally demands, sounding affronted. God help them both, Babe can’t help barking out a hoarse laugh.

“Nowhere. Goddamn nowhere, cause I’m not gonna let you. We’re almost there, okay?” Babe presses down on his shoulders, like he can squeeze some feeling back into Gene’s rapidly-numbing body; no doubt the terror on his own face is obvious, but Gene’s so out of it that there’s a chance he can’t tell. That’s what Babe clings to, though the agonizing, rattling ride — he’s gotta be strong for Gene’s sake. He draws Gene close to his chest, gripping him tight, feet braced against the side of the truck to support them both. Each breath is precious; he charts the rhythm of Gene’s breathing, trying to steady it with his own. At some point, Gene tried to raise an arm, only for it to flop back down… but when Babe asks him if he’s getting any worse, he just shakes his head. Probably a lie, but Babe’ll take it.

“Gonna be alright, Gene,” he mutters as the town square finally rattles into view ahead. “Look. We’re here. Can you see that we’re here?”

“Can’t lift my head,” is all Gene mutters.

Babe lifts it for him. Something in Gene’s cloudy expression clears at the sight of familiar surroundings — and the tiny group of Easy men, clustered on the street corner, smoking and smirking at each other. Babe doesn’t pause to explain anything, even to their poor driver. As soon as the truck jutters to a stop, he springs out, waving his friends over. “Thank god — Hashey, find a medic, will ya? Or a surgeon, get a goddamn surgeon, tell him there’s a snake bite — the two of you, come on, help me lift him. Doc’s in bad shape.”

This is a familiar song and dance by now. They’ve done this before, after sneak attacks and harebrained patrols, scrambling into action to aid a wounded friend. Only thing different now is that the war’s over, and it’s Doc on the table. Luckily, no one needs to be told twice. Hashey sprints off like the devil’s on his heels, while Ramirez and Alley quickly join Babe’s cause; together, they’re able to slide Gene’s body towards the edge of the truck, laying him out flat. From there, no one’s really certain what to do. Babe stands near Gene’s head, practically cradling him, while the other men exchange bewildered, rattled glances.

“A snake, Babe?” Alley demands.

“A fucking snake,” Babe confirms.

Everything’s a blur from there. Hashey returns, a surgeon on his heels; he’s got a needle the size of Babe’s whole arm, and that’s the point things get real hazy. Babe has to shut his eyes past a wave of dizziness, but he hears Gene gasp in pain, the surgeon mutter something, and the shuffle of men moving a limp body. By the time Gene’s steady on a cot, being hauled into the building, his eyes are shut, head killing back.

And Babe’s left… standing. Useless, alone, and wondering if he was any help at all.

“Jesus Christ, Babe,” Alley hisses, dragging a hand through his hair. Hashey whistles, staring at the ground. Ramirez looks like he’s just chugged three week old stew.

Babe slumps back against the bed of the truck, exhausted. His heart stutters in his chest; his throat feels tight. After a minute, he slumps forward like his strings have been cut, hands coming up to cradle his head.

“Hey, everything alright?” a voice from the front of the truck calls. After a minute, the driver leans his head out, just enough to look at Babe and his friends. “Private, is your friend going to be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Babe mutters — and then, for the guy’s benefit, “Can’t say yet. They’ve gotta… work on him, or some shit.”

“You did a hell of a job getting him here,” is all the driver says — and, when Babe looks back in surprise, just shrugs. “Like a man possessed. I couldn’t have kept driving if I wanted to. Never seen anybody look like that.”

Babe huffs a sigh. It rattles in his chest, hurting as it comes out, but he manages to summon a smile. “Th- thanks, pal.” Giving the truck an affectionate pat, he pushes himself off, and offers the driver a wave.

The driver waves back. With a guttural roar, the engine starts back up again; after a minute, the truck and it’s cargo rattle off down the street, out of sight.

Babe tucks his hands in his pants and sighs. His head turns up to the sky, as if drawn there.

“Okay,” he says to his friends. “Who’s got some damn cigarettes?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You saved my life.”

He can’t bring himself to meet Gene’s eyes. Babe stares at the blanket instead — the crisp, clean, certified hospital blanket, the kind you’d only find in a town that hasn’t been bombed to hell. Jesus, what they wouldn’t have killed for a set-up like this in Bastogne; a roof over their heads, a warm bed, blankets, even pillows. Fluffy ones, stuffed with actual feathers.

“Who knew all you gotta do to live it up ‘round here is almost die?” Babe quipped when he walked in — a stupid crack, but it brought a tiny smile to Gene’s washed out face, so damn him if it wasn’t a victory.

Now, though… he can’t quite do it. Even though Gene’s okay — and there’s no question of that anymore, now that the anti-venom’s done its work and the fever’s cleared up — it’s all too fresh, too raw to dwell on. Babe’s gotten good at shoving the awful things aside, smothering them under heaps of snow until he can only feel the weight of them, not the sting. Seeing Gene like that… god, it hurt, Hurt he hadn’t felt since Julian, since Jackson, since watching friends choke and die while being able to do nothing for them. That helplessness has become familiar as an aching scar; Babe knows he’ll never forget it, for as long as he lives, but feeling it with this man in his arms was something else.

“You scared the hell out of me, Gene,” he finally manages, still staring at the blanket. “Wasn’t your fault, but… Christ. I never wanna see that again. Never wanna feel that damn scared. Never wanna feel like… like I might lose you too.” Finally, he drags his gaze up, to meet Gene’s impossibly dark eyes. “Please don’t do that again.”

Gene stares at him for a long moment, unmoving. It’s like he’s paralyzed all over again; Babe can barely stand it.

Finally, a flash of movement draws Babe’s gaze down again. There, inching across the blanket — Gene’s hand, fingers flexing, reaching towards home

“Hey, you’re not supposed to try and move ‘til that stuff’s out of you completely —“

“I’m alright.” Gene’s voice is soft, like something fragile. When his hand finds Babe’s, though, he’s strong; he grips Babe like a promise, the sort neither of them are bold enough to break. They’re both alive, both here, and neither one is going anywhere. That’s enough for now.

“Thank you, Babe,” Gene murmurs, and Babe’s heart stutters in his chest.

“Yeah… any time, Doc.”

#baberoe #babe heffron #eugene roe #band of brothers #hbo war #my writing #Anonymous

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johannesviii · 4 years

Text

Top 12 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2013

The best year in a trio of awesome years for hits. So awesome, in fact, I had to leave several excellent songs out of the list, even with two additional slots, and limit the list to songs I actually put on my mp3 player at one point or another.

What’s that? People usually call it a bad year? Well screw them.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

The year I stopped working in Paris, found a job closer to home that finally made me feel helpful in the grand scheme of things, and I finally had more free time. Goodbye daily trains. I also went to some concerts! This never happened before.

2013: also the year when just about every band and artist I liked decided to make a good album. Except Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode made Delta Machine. It wasn’t great. But, uh, let’s see, Placebo made Loud Like Love (with the fantastic A Million Little Pieces), VNV Nation made Transnational, Daft Punk made Random Access Memories... Nine Inch Nails came back with Hesitation Marks, which is pretty great with a couple of fantastic songs. Lady Gaga made the vastly underrated ArtPop! Even Eminem made a pretty decent album! Eminem! In the year of our lord 2013! And The 1975 made their debut album. They would eventually become one of my favorite bands of the 2010s, but not yet, though. And Indochine redeemed themselves by releasing Black City Parade, their absolute best album of the decade.

However, despite Indochine’s excellent effort and the return of Nine Inch Nails, the album of the year, at least to me, was Kveikur by Sigur Rós. At that point, I had been following their stuff for ten years, and this album still blew my goddamn mind. It’s so heavy and dark and so different from what they had been doing since Agaetis Byrjun. It’s loud and textured and industrial and yet, there’s so much light above the dark. They out-NIN’ed Nine Inch Nails. There isn’t a single track I don’t love on this album. It’s their best one in my humble opinion.

As far as unelligible songs go, boy, where do I start. Uh. Copy of A and Came Back Haunted (Nine Inch Nails), certainly, A Million Little Pieces (Placebo) as I already mentioned, Memoria and College Boy (Indochine - I’m actually shocked they aren’t on the French top 100), Chocolate by The 1975, and most infuriating of all, Castle of Glass by Linkin Park, which is imho their best song of the 2010s. Oh well.

But there’s still a shit ton of stuff which was elligible but didn’t make the list. Here’s a lot of honorable mentions. There were like ten more of them initially, mind you.

Sirens Call (Cats On Trees) - You know how in just about every top ten post I’ve made so far, there’s a song where I’m like “if I had better taste this would be higher”? This is this song for 2013.

Don’t You Worry Child (Swedish House Mafia) - Catchy but borderline annoying. Still very good.

Counting Stars (One Republic) - This is so happy and catchy. More songs like this nowadays, please.

I Cry (Flo Rida) - Still elligible. Still great. Still not on the list.

Ho Hey (The Lumineers) - Same thing here, sadly.

Animals (Martin Garrix) - I called Bangarang from the previous list a perfect stim song, and this is in the same ballpark. Not as good, but great shapes and colors all around.

Berserk (Eminem) - That song has a lot of really bad lines, but also a lot of much needed energy, it’s a ton of fun, and I love the “say f█ck it before you kick the bucket” part of the chorus. I was so glad to hear Eminem having fun again. Would certainly have made the list in a more mediocre year. Not the most infuriating thing I had to leave out of the list, though.

Radioactive (Imagine Dragons) - THIS IS IT THE APOCALYPSE OH WOHO no I don’t have anything intelligent to say, it’s just great.

Best Song Ever (One Direction) - This is my favorite song from that band. It might be because it sounds suspiciously like Baba O’Riley. If you think I’m gonna complain about people ripping off good songs, please check my entry about I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas a few top 10s before this one.

Wait. Waiiit. What if the “best song ever” they can’t remember in the lyrics WAS Baba O’Riley?? Wouldn’t that be the best meta song ever? What do you think? I mean, that one could indeed claim the title of best song ever.

Get Lucky (Daft Punk) - I know. I know. But I couldn’t put it on the list. It’s not my favorite song from the album, it was overplayed, and even if it’s extremely good it stays roughly at the same level for the entirety of the song. I love it, but I had to draw the line somewhere and cut the list. I didn’t want to make another top 15.

Carry On (fun.) - This was the last cut from the list. It was a really painful one. Not my favorite song from them, but still very, very good.

There’s been lists where I had to put filler. If I had to put actual grades to them, some songs I put on some lists would get a 6/10 or even a 5/10 for really bad years (looking at you 1990). Sometimes, I had to put stuff I’d grade 7/10 as high as #3.

If I had to grade this 2013 list according to my personal taste in music, #12 would get an 8/10, #11 would get a 9/10, and everything in the top ten would either be a 9,5 or a 10. No joke. That’s how good that year was for hits.

Let’s go.

12 - My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light’Em Up) (Fall Out Boy)

US: #40 / FR: Not on the list

There you have it. Three songs from a band I consider pretentious asshats ended on my lists. Including this one, in a year where I decided to severely limit my options for songs. And at the time? I thought it was just an okay song, way too slow but okay. Not great. At all.

It took it about three whole years to grow on me, and it also took me a while to actually know what it was about, and as I said previously, framing is everything ; knowing this song basically said “we’re back, and we’ve changed, and you’re not gonna like it so you’re gonna feel betrayed and you’re gonna burn your old posters, and in the end you’re also gonna betray us” makes it a lot, lot better. I especially love the “Burn everything you love then burn the. ashes” line with the weird pause for emphasis.

It just goes stomp, stomp, stomp. It’s heavy. You can’t dance to it. You can’t even have fun while listening to it. But you can certainly stomp along, and feel angry, and, yes, betrayed, and three years after 2013, I certainly needed that kind of song. A lot. You know exactly why.

11 - Burn (Ellie Goulding)

US: Not on the list / FR: #54

I discovered Doctor Who at the very, very end of 2013, and for some reason I associate this song with Martha’s journey during the year that never was at the end of S3, trying to convince the entire Earth to fight back against the Master. That’s all I have to say about this song. It’s great.

10 - Instant Crush (Daft Punk ft Julian Casablancas)

US: Not on the list / FR: #26

So yep, Get Lucky isn’t my favorite song on Random Access Memories, and thank you French charts for allowing me to put this one on the list instead.

Like a ton of people, I couldn’t figure out what the chorus was, apart from a couple of isolated words, and that felt exactly like being 10 and trying to decipher songs with my limited English. And then I checked the lyrics, and they were mostly variations on “I don’t want to be alone” and they rhyme “go” with “go”, so, uh, nothing of value was lost that day. And it still sounds fantastic.

9 - Applause (Lady Gaga)

US: #37 / FR: #66

Yes, there’s some really stupid shit in the lyrics and the theme of the song itself isn’t particularly inspiring, but that chorus is a happy burst of fuzzy bright angular shapes, and it’s so energetic it feels like you could phase through walls by sheer force of will while listening to it. It would be even higher if the lyrics were better, I swear.

8 - Papaoutai (Stromae)

US: Not on the list / FR: #4

And the boss of cleverly written hit songs strikes again. Pretty sure that one, like Alors On Danse, is well known even if you don’t speak French. As I understand it, apparently French teachers like to use it in class. But yeah, just in case: it’s a song about his absent father. My favorite part:

Un jour ou l'autre on sera tous papas (One day or another we’ll be dads) Et d'un jour à l'autre, on aura disparu (And one day or the next, we’ll be gone) Serons-nous détestables? (Will we be despicable?) Serons-nous admirables? (Will we be admirable?) Des géniteurs ou des génies (Parents or geniuses) Dites-nous qui donne naissance aux irresponsables? (Tell us who birthes irresponsible people?) Ah, dites-nous qui, tiens (Ah, tell us who ; weird) Tout le monde sait comment on fait des bébés (Everybody knows how to make babies) Mais personne ne sait comment on fait des papas (But nobody knows how to make dads)

And it’s also horribly catchy. And it was kind of a meme here. It was everywhere. I’m surprised it wasn’t even higher than that on the French year end top 100.

7 - Underwater (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #70

Why do I love this song so much even though I usually hate songs like that. This is the kind of romantic bullshit Robbie Williams does, and for the record I absolutely hate Angels, and Underwater even sounds a bit like Angels, and it also has the same kind of corny central metaphor. So. Why do I love Underwater again? How can I justify this? I’ve got no clue.

We don’t deserve Mika.

6 - I Need Your Love (Calvin Harris ft Ellie Goulding)

US: #56 / FR: #51

By now you must all be extremely tired of reading me describing songs in visual ways but this song is the sound equivalent of some sort of light show mixed with Dance Dance Revolution patterns. It’s incredibly kinetic and full of joyful, glittering energy, and I love it so goddamn much.

As a 90s kid who loved eurodance, I’m incredibly grateful this kind of music still exists and is still charting.

5 - Treasure (Bruno Mars)

US: #30 / FR: #23

Speaking of nostalgia. Well, not really, since I wasn’t born in the era this is trying to mimic, but still. I don’t have anything to say about this, apart maybe from the fact this is the song that finally made me like Bruno Mars.

4 - Hey Brother (Avicii)

US: Not on the list / FR: #18

I already mentioned how much I loved Avicii’s music when I briefly talked about Levels, and Hey Brother is even better. As you might know I have a little brother and as it is often the case with siblings we fought a bit but we also shared a lot of things, and games, and weird private jokes, and yeah that song can occasionally make me cry a fair bit if I’m being honest.

Also, it’s kind of my main theme song for Charley and C’rizz, so, yeah, it’s just another layer of Feelings(tm).

3 - I Will Wait (Mumford & Sons)

US: #52 / FR: Not on the list

As you might have noticed, there’s one genre that is conspicuously absent from my lists as far as the US hit songs are concerned, and that’s country. I’ve got nothing against country music, I just rarely find it visually interesting. Now I do like folk rock on the other hand, but its big era is long gone, and it’s quite rare to hear anything from it in the charts nowadays. I liked Ho Hey by the Lumineers, but I always thought it was a little bit too slow.

And then I found Babel by Mumford & Sons at the library, gave it a try, loved it, felt like discovering a modern band version of Bob Dylan with simpler lyrics, and this isn’t my favorite song on the album and it’s still at #3 on this list. Quality, man, just quality.

My favorite song from the album is Lover of the Light, by the way.

2 - Can’t Hold Us (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis)

US: #5 / FR: #8

Sometimes you need angry fight songs, sometimes you need energetic fight songs, and sometimes you need happy fight songs. And when something combines the last two, it’s like you caught a star in a Mario game and you’re f█cking unstoppable.

If Macklemore doesn’t get more hit songs at some point in the near future I’m gonna punch a wall.

1 - Roadgame (Kavinsky)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

This song has no music video. It was still an enormous hit.

As you may recall, I already said once or twice that I liked to hang out at the disc store after class while I was in highschool and uni, and it still happened regularly after I started to work. Even nowadays, if I had a really, really bad day, there’s a good chance I’ll go there and spend at least an hour there just listening to stuff.

So here I was, one fine (actually bad) day, and this song was playing, and I was mesmerised, and for the first time ever, I felt the need to find a vendor and ask what was playing. I found one and the guy instantly beamed and went “oooooh I picked that album to play it in the store today! :D That’s Kavinsky, he’s great, here, have a listen” but it was already getting late so... I trusted him and basically bought the album blind.

Best decision ever. On top of being one of the best albums of the 2010s, OutRun is a concept album presented as if it was the soundtrack of a movie that never existed, about a young guy getting killed in a car crash in 1986 and somehow fusing with his car mentally and reappearing as some sort of technological zombie in 2006. And Roadgame is one of the best songs on the album if not the best. Well, my favorite song on it is actually Testarossa Autodrive, but you get my point.

I was like “there’s no way this is going to be big”, and I was dead wrong, thankfully. As a big fan of electronic music full of lights and flashes and colors but with dark overtones, I couldn’t be happier about this being one of the sounds of the year. Just fantastic stuff.

It’s 2020, man. Please drop that second album. We’re ready to have our minds blown all over again. Just do it.

Also, thank you random vendor from the disc store.

Next up: I have no idea why some people call 2014 a really bad year for hit songs tbh

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

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rcsordinaryworld · 5 years

Text

Daisy Outfit Compilation

Daisy from @bittersweetcandybowl usually dons her simple pearl necklace by itself, but occasionally she gets all dolled up and I think that’s really cute. I think of the cast, she’s the most interesting clothing-wise. She doesn’t wear it consistently, but she wears it more often than pretty much any of the not-always-clothed characters, if that makes sense. So I decided that, instead of doing my day job, I was going to make a compilation of all of Daisy’s outfits.

This probably won’t be an analysis, more of a dump with images and chapters listed. I like to draw her wearing clothing a lot and I like basing her outfits on things I think she would actually wear. I think her taste has remained pretty consistent through the years, so let’s see if that’s true! And also, sorry if I missed any, and please feel free to reply with any that I do miss.

The very first outfit we see Daisy wear is her cheerleader outfit (right). This one is her middle school one, which is a little different from high school, but I couldn’t find a color version. I also included a shot from when Augustus recalls seeing her in this in a later chapter, though it looks like she’s wearing her pearls on that one. Don’t you know you’re not supposed to wear accessories in uniform, Daisy?!

Not sure if it counts (since it was for a gag) but she did dress up as a lobster with the rest of the gang for Mike’s birthday. I love the little smile on her hat.

Next, the gang surprises her with a Daisy dress, of the Mario variety. Unfortunately, she doesn’t appreciate it very much. A shame, considering how much that thing must have cost!

This shows up in a flashback scene with Paulo, but I can’t really tell what it is. A coat I think? It’s not something she wore all the time though, since we’ve seen her as a child and she’s not been in it.

The first Christmas outfit, at Tess’s first party. All of the crew’s outfits are Santa inspired this year, but Daisy’s is particularly adorable thanks to a big bell she wears around her neck.

As it warms up, their PE class involves swim lessons, where Daisy’s donning a black T-shirt. I didn’t even think she would own one, considering how much she loved pastels, but she really is quite self conscious. I can’t tell if she’s wearing any bottoms, since it is a long shirt. I imagine she probably has those boyshort type bottoms, probably also in black.

Hush, no, you’re perfect.

At least she seem comfortable in her cheer outfit! Chapter 38 features the first appearance of her high school cheer outfit, which is different from her middle school one, most notably, that she seems allowed to wear jewelry. (she’s not the only one, as Katie is wearing a necklace.) Also, her new outfit shows off her middriff and has a different pattern on the front chest panel. This one shows up in a few different chapters (list not comprehensive) as well as in the Candybooru. Also interesting, is that it looks like their school colors are sky blue and black. Go Roseville High!

AYOO meme time

But seriously what a weird but cute outfit! It’s so unique!! She was really laying it on thick to impress Mike, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she made it herself. It has a bit of a modified-from-thrift-store-finds feel doesn’t it? I have no idea if Daisy can sew but I am choosing to believe she does. Sadly, the night goes horribly wrong, but hey, at least she looked cute right?

It’s kinda messed up that Tess was pushing so hard for Mike and Lucy to go to Acapulco, but totally doesn’t seem to care if Daisy and Abbey skipped out. Daisy helped you pass your classes, Tess! I mean, I guess Abbey did need the support, and we did get to see Daisy wear a cute dress to see them off. There’s lots of shots with it being all flowy and girly, I love it so much. That sash is great.

Speaking of cute dresses, she wore a simple but pretty one on her first date with Abbey. They went to a therapy session slash picnic which is a... non traditional choice, but a very sweet one. You can tell she’s really into Abbey by how she’s dressing up for him, and that Taeshi had a lot of fun drawing the flowiness of it.

Bonus silly cute images featuring glasses Daisy. She also sports glasses in the student gov chapter, and whenever she’s shown in the future, she also has them. Adorable.

Halloween costumes are always fun, and Daisy’s costume for freshman year was a traditional one-- a witch. I love the off-the-shoulders look of it. It’s a shame she wasn’t really important that chapter. I’m interested to see what the current Halloween chapter will have her wearing, if she’s in it.

Pillow Talk is still one of my favorite chapters, because who doesn’t love gossip? What’s interesting is all of them wear pjs, even if they don’t normally wear clothing. Daisy showed up just wearing her pearls, and then put on a sleep dress (gown?) at the actual party. I included a shot of her room from this chapter too, since how she decorates her space is just as interesting as how she decorates her body, right?

Parties are definitely where Daisy likes to show off her fashion sense the most. Tess also hosts the Christmas party the next year, and it’s very cute. She’s got like... a poncho style thing, which actually became a trend way after this I think, since this chapter came out in about 2012, but a sort of Mexican inspired flowy top seems like something that definitely became super common in 2018. She’s ahead of her time! I think I love the flower ornament by her ear too. I couldn’t find a good shot of the length of the dress though.

But enough happy times. The day after the party, she wore this bright navy blue trench coat when she and Abbey went to visit Charlotte’s grave. Usually her fur is enough to keep her warm, so wherever Charlotte is, must be freezing. I wonder if she’s got anything under it, or if that’s not a prerequisite for coats in the BCB universe?

Looks like the trip to the cemetery got her too bummed out to plan an outfit for the New Year’s party. She’s just wearing her standard pearls for that one. Tess has a cute dress though.

She’s in a much better mood by Rachel’s party. I love that her shoes match perfectly. Off-the-shoulders is a great look for her, just like with her witch costume. This one is also reminiscent of the Mexican style blouses I mentioned earlier. I don’t think the waist-cinching has the effect she was probably going for though, at least not without a belt. She really seems to like baby blue huh?

WAIT A MINUTE THAT’S JUST MIKE COLORED.

AWKWARD.

But moving on! Remember how we found out she’s a huge weeb? That was great.The lanyard and backpack are such a great touch of realism. Con badges are the worst part about cosplaying at cons, since if you’re caught off guard you’ll have it in the shot, ruining all of your hard work. She obviously did put some effort into it too-- her costume is really well sewn and intricate and poofy. Notice all those panels on the chest and skirt. My theory that Daisy can sew intensifies. Also those bows are just too cute! I wish she wore them more often.

The same night she’s wearing some pjs again, this time a blue slip. Nothing fancy.

While not an outfit, Love Again opens with the first canon appearance of Daisy’s hip curls, inspired by Kit’s lovely fanart. I’m pretty sure they have a tumblr but I don’t know it, sorry!! I’ll edit it if I find out.

An intermission comic featuring all of their days starts Daisy off in pjs. These look like the one from Lucy’s birthday sleepover, judging by the collar frills. Looks like it might be getting more snug on her as she grows up.

Speaking of growing up, here’s Daisy all dressed up for her birthday, sporting a very cute bow. Her actual dress is made of a really strange material that’s presumably extremely thin, and sewn with plenty of elastic, judging by the wrinkles. I think it’s an interesting experimental outfit, but it’s so detailed it doesn’t really look the best in small scale. I’m not a huge fan of the wrinkled look in general, but the colors are very flattering on her, and the overskirt thing is pretty nice.

Daisy makes a brief appearance in Escape Route, a chapter mostly about Augustus and Lucy. Normally she wears dresses, but this time she’s rocking a cupcake liner. Okay, so it’s not really her, but I can’t not include this cute cupcake!

Last but not least, here’s her outfit for Mady’s birthday party. I adore this outfit so much! It’s amusingly similar to one of Lucy’s mother’s outfits, though her mother pairs it with pants. That being said, I think this is my absolute favorite outfit of hers. The cardigan pairs great with her necklace, and the belted dress is just so flattering and and adds just enough detail. I think it’s simple, classy, flirty, and just so cute. Most of her looks have been blue, and this is actually one of the few pink outfits she owns, but we know she does like it based on her room. Pink pairs with her apricot/cream fur for a fun, girly look that’s just right for her.

And with that, we’ve finished compiling all of her outfits from the comic, though I didn’t gather any outfits that are Booru-exclusives, like her prom(?) dress. I thought about including those, but there’s so many to go through, and their canonity was so iffy that I decided against it for this post.

It seems safe to say Daisy has very simple tastes, with a rather timeless but definitely girly feel to them. Flowy, mid thigh dresses and skirts are her favorites, and seems to prefer sleeveless or off-the-shoulder looks. She also has a tendency to dress up to impress boys, but she does genuinely seem to enjoy making outfits, and she’s quite fashionable!

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed making it. Daisy deserves all the love in the world.

#BCB #Bittersweet Candy Bowl #webcomic #daisy #I could be convinced to do one of these for lucy or tessa though lucy doesn't wear nearly as much clothing #but it was a suprising amount of effort!#anyway here's my contribution to the fandom for the year lol.

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raywritesthings · 5 years

Note

Lauriver + 2 for the prompt meme please?? I love your writing

Anon, thank you so much! I’m so happy you enjoy my writing that much.

Close My Eyes and Jump

Oliver has been trying to decide what to do since Laurel’s confession in the hospital, and finally works up the courage with a few little pushes. Also can be read on my AO3 page.

The two of them laughed, and Oliver frowned. Not that anyone noticed. He was making sure to keep well back from the others.

It was another team up with the Flash crew that had brought them to Central City. They’d been after a gang that had been moving back and forth between both their territories and decided to combine their efforts. Now with that taken care of, Barry and Iris had made the offer to host everyone for a late lunch at their newly purchased loft.

They’d agreed, and the meal had been fine. Afterwards, everyone settled in the open sitting room, naturally breaking off into smaller conversational groups.

And right now, Laurel was listening to Cisco tell what he assumed had to be the most hilarious story of all time judging by the way her face was lit up in a wide beam.

Maybe because Cisco had had a girlfriend at the time of their last team up, Oliver hadn’t noticed. But the more he watched, the more it became clear that the other man adored Laurel.

And that…made him uncomfortable in a way he didn’t like to admit.

It was wrong. He knew that without needing to be told. Laurel deserved to have friends and people who appreciated her. He knew he’d been a failure at doing so in the past, even if he was trying to make up for it now. So Cisco being his usual friendly, funny self shouldn’t have been a problem, nor should Laurel enjoying his company have been a problem.

But there was also the matter of what they had talked about in the hospital, the night they’d almost lost her. What she had told him about her feelings. Present tense.

Oliver had been left reeling since that night. He had thought any love Laurel had held for him had been snuffed out long ago due to his own mistakes. He had believed it to be a fondly remembered dream. Not still a possibility.

She had left them for a time to recover at her mother’s home in Central City, away from Darhk. During that time, she’d been caught up in STAR Labs’ second particle accelerator explosion along with Wally and Jessie, granting her meta powers that matched the Cry she had used to achieve through technological means.

With this unexpected aid, they had put a stop to Darhk’s plans before he had launched any nuclear missiles, and he now sat in a secure ARGUS facility, his idol smashed beyond recognition. When the dust had settled, Oliver had tried at last to approach her about that conversation in the hospital.

“Oliver, there’s nothing you have to say. I’m fine,” Laurel had told him with one of her soft smiles. He hadn’t been able to help but notice how fragile it had looked. “I knew when I said it that you didn’t feel the same way. I probably shouldn’t have said it at all.” She had shaken her head. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“What if I am?”

Laurel had taken hold of his shoulders. “Then don’t be. I’m happy just having the team and my family, and someday you and Felicity are going to patch things up and be happy together. That’s what you really want. And I’m telling you it’s okay.”

She had pulled him into a hug, and Oliver had held on as tightly as he dared. He hadn’t wanted to let her go.

A few short months after that conversation, Felicity had begun seeing another man named Billy and seemed much happier for it. Laurel had been coming and going between Star and Central to get in some training of her new metahuman abilities. And Oliver had been doing a lot of thinking.

He still dreamed of her, was the main thing. When he closed his eyes and really thought of the perfect life, it was Laurel at his side, smiling and happy the way she deserved to be. Proud of the man he’d become.

It was her good opinion he valued most, and her censure he had tried to avoid on multiple occasions when he’d known he was doing something wrong. He trusted her to watch the city in his absence and to care for his family. The night she had been stabbed was one of the worst he had had in his life, those few minutes where she had been hovering between life and death. He couldn’t imagine losing her. Every time he thought of her confession, Oliver’s heart both ached and yet felt full. She loved him, and the truth was that despite his own claims he would always love her. If only she knew.

He wanted to be with Laurel, yet she was sincerely convinced he belonged with someone else. How had he made such a mess of things?

Oliver tried not to frown again as Cisco scooted closer on the couch. It wasn’t inappropriate, and it wasn’t his business. His personal feelings didn’t entitle him to deciding who got to be close to her or receive her attention. He needed to accept and respect whatever choices she made in that regard.

What if she had moved on? What if saying it out loud had given her some kind of closure, and she’d decided once and for all to leave that part of her life behind? She’d said he would always be the love of her life, but what if that just wasn’t enough? What if Cisco made her laugh enough that she decided to stay in Central permanently?

“Hey, Earth to Ollie,” Thea spoke up at his elbow, and he gave a start.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Nothing, just checking on you.”

“Okay. Well, I’m fine.”

Thea leaned against the wall and smirked. “Oh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized isolating yourself from the group and staring at it like we’re all on the other side of a glass you can’t get through means you’re fine.”

Oliver folded his arms over his chest. “I’m not doing that.”

“Well, you were doing it to Laurel and Cisco for several minutes there.”

He felt the back of his neck heat up and hoped it wasn’t turning a noticeable red as well.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not here.” There were way too many people around for him to get into something so personal.

As if to demonstrate his point, there was a brief breeze as Barry suddenly zipped in close on his other side. “Hey guys, everything okay?”

“It’s fine,” Oliver repeated.

“Yeah, Ollie’s just practicing his sad and alone face.”

“Oh, yeah. That used to be me at every party I went to with Iris before we got together. I’m sure things will work out with Felicity in time.”

“That’s okay, Barry. I’m fine with how things are.” Oliver hoped his tone indicated that was to be the end of things.

Of course, it never was with Barry. “Really, how come?”

“Cause he wasn’t looking at Felicity,” Thea said in a small voice. When he turned, his sister was wide-eyed and looked to be preparing to draw in a large breath.

Oliver had to act fast. “Barry, is there somewhere we can talk privately—”

“Uh, bathroom, that way,” his friend said, ushering the two of them from the room.

It was a tight fit for both him and his sister, but necessary when Thea finally shrieked, “Really?”

“Shh!”

“This is crazy!” She was still managing to shout in a whisper as she grabbed at his arms. “I mean when did- how did- what—”

“Thea, calm down. It’s not a big deal.”

“Uh, pretty sure you still being in love with Laurel is a big deal. This is so exciting!”

Oliver bit back what he was originally planning to say and instead asked, “Wait, you’re happy?”

“Of course I’m happy. I mean, as your sister, I obviously want you to be happy with whomever you choose,” Thea with a magnanimous wave of the hand that eerily resembled their mother. “But I’m really excited about this!”

“There’s nothing to get excited about. You don’t even know that she — you did know,” he realized.

“Well, I do live with the woman. I mean, Laurel’s never said, but I’m practically her second sister.” Her smug look shifted as she asked, “But when did she tell you?”

“That night at the hospital. But listen, this isn’t what you’re thinking it is. Laurel and I aren’t getting together.”

He was vividly reminded of the day Thea learned Santa wasn’t real based on her expression alone. “But why?”

“She doesn’t think I feel the same.”

“You haven’t told her?”

“I didn’t know how I felt at first!” He had to remind himself to check his volume before he continued. “My engagement had just ended, and I had no idea Laurel still felt that way. I didn’t know how to answer her at first.”

“Okay, but it’s been a few months now, so,” Thea urged.

“So she’s still convinced I should just wait for things to settle with Felicity.”

“Because you haven’t told her,” Thea stated rather than asked, then let out a groan. “You have got to stop doing this.”

“What? Doing what?”

“Leaving people guessing about how you feel. I know you have every right to hate feeling vulnerable, which is kinda why you’re trying to become a turtle right now instead of talk to me—”

“What?” Oliver straightened out of his hunched posture and uncrossed his arms. “I’m not — you can’t become a turtle, Thea—”

“—but you have to be willing to go out on a limb sometimes for the person you love. Take the jump. Because you’re the only person that can show Laurel you’re ready to give things another try.”

Oliver hung his head. She was right, and he knew it. Laurel had already confessed to her own feelings, and it was on him to meet her halfway. He just didn’t know how to make things work this time. What if he messed up? What if he hurt her?

“If you don’t say anything, then maybe she will move on, and that’s something you’ll always regret,” his sister said. “And that’s the last thing I want for you, Ollie.”

There was a knock on the door. “Somebody in here?”

“Um, be right out,” Thea called back. She reached around Oliver to turn the knob, and John stared at the both of them when the door swung open.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“It’s fine,” Oliver repeated once again, eyes on the ground.

“It will be fine,” Thea corrected. Then she began pushing on him to get him out of the bathroom and down the hall.

Grudgingly, he went. Out in the sitting room, everyone was in about the same places. Felicity was putting on her coat since she was heading back on the train early to meet Billy for drinks, and Barry had rejoined Iris on the sofa though he met Oliver’s eyes with two raised eyebrows.

Cisco was still right there with Laurel. She looked happy.

“Look, now doesn’t seem like a good time,” he muttered to Thea.

“Now is a great time. Besides, if I don’t make you go through with this now, you’re just gonna let it stew for the next five months, and that is never a good look on you.” Thea clapped her hands on his shoulders like she was preparing him for a fight in the ring. “Now go ahead. Straightforward, clear about your intentions. And if you can manage it, maybe a little playful.”

He wanted to argue that her various pieces of advice seemed contradictory, but she’d already given him a little push, and he began walking forward. One foot in front of the other until he had drawn up to the couch and had nowhere else to go.

Laurel glanced up at him with a dazzling smile for just a moment while she listened to Cisco. Oliver’s attempt to clear his throat got stuck, but the other man broke off anyway.

“Oh, Oliver, hey.”

“Uh, hey. What have you two been chatting about?”

“Suit designs at the moment,” Laurel answered. “Cisco has a lot of opinions.”

“Well, he did make a lot of them,” Oliver had to concede. Cisco was a talented guy, after all, and he certainly didn’t hate him by any means. He just sort of wished he could be the one on the couch with Laurel right now instead of awkwardly standing in front of them.

“Yeah. I mean, as far as suits I didn’t have a hand in go, I still have to say Laurel’s is my favorite,” Cisco said, looking to Oliver for a nod of agreement that he readily got. Laurel just smiled and shook her head. He was a natural flatterer, that Cisco. “Basic black doubling as perfect urban camouflage, the functionality, the style. And the detail work! The fishnet pattern on the gloves, I mean, what was the inspiration for that?”

“Well, Laurel’s always looked good in fishnets.”

As soon as the words had left him, Oliver wished he’d never made it off the island. Of all the ways to go about it, to try and let Laurel know he was serious, and he’d picked that?

He wished he had a drink or something in his hands to focus on so he didn’t have to see Laurel’s stunned expression. She couldn’t believe him, clearly.

Cisco’s mouth was hanging open, though he eventually recovered. “Okay!” There was a laugh that Oliver couldn’t decide whether it was forced or not. “That’s, uh, good to know.”

“Mm-hm. Cisco, if you would excuse us for a moment.” Laurel stood and fixed him with a look before marching for the door. Oliver braced himself before turning to follow.

“Good luck, dude,” Cisco said to his retreating back. He appreciated the thought.

She was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed when he stepped out into the hall.

“Okay, That did not come out the way I wanted it to,” he started with.

“Oh? And what way was that supposed to be?”

“A compliment? A- I don’t know.”

She sighed, pushing a hand through her hair, and he watched as it fell back into place around her shoulders. “Well, thank you, but you should maybe stick to compliments that aren’t about my body so Cisco doesn’t get any ideas.”

“Well, maybe I want him to.” His chest had puffed out a little as he said it, but Oliver stood firm even as Laurel looked at him in clear disbelief.

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that I’ve made up my mind, Laurel. That I know what is going to make me happy, and that’s being with you.”

She took a step towards him, her head shaking. “Oliver—”

“Laurel, I know I’ve given you plenty of reasons to doubt me. I know I tried shutting the door on that part of my life. But it didn’t work. It never works.”

“Okay, but that’s not a sign. Your breakup with Felicity had nothing to do with me.”

“No,” he agreed. “But when it happened, you were the one who was there for me, the same way you always have been. I used to take that for granted.” Oliver took his own step and reached for her hands, which Laurel didn’t pull away from. “I’m sorry I took that for granted. You are one of the best people in my life, and it took almost losing you for me to realize just how dark my life would be without you in it.”

Laurel looked down. “That doesn’t mean—”

“Laurel,” he said. He almost wanted to laugh. “I know you’re trying to do what’s best for me the same way you do for everyone, but I’m telling you what that is now. And it’s you. It’s always been you. I’ve been scared of that for so long,” he admitted. “At first I was scared of settling down because I was young and stupid and thought I was invincible. Then I was scared to let myself be happy because I thought it would never last. And worst of all, it got to the point where I was scared of disappointing you again, so I just gave up trying. But in this kind of life, there isn’t time to be scared. It’s not enough to fight other people’s battles and fears. I have to face my own, too.”

He drew in a breath and closed his eyes for a moment, needing one last moment before taking this leap. Laurel’s eyes had a wet shine to them and her grip on his hands was tight.

“Dinah Laurel Lance. I love you. And I’m sorry for all the times I’ve made you doubt that. There’s no one else I’m waiting on or trying to be with except you, even if I’m far less than what you deserve.” His gaze lowered, first to their clasped hands and then to the floor. “So I’ll let you get back in there with Cisco if that’s what you want.”

There was a pause, and then Laurel let out a breath that wasn’t quite a laugh. “Cisco? That’s what this is about?”

“A little,” he muttered, shoulders hunching. “He’s a good guy, and I want you to be happy whatever that means.”

“Well, Cisco is a good guy and a really good friend,” said Laurel. “But I think we both know it’s a bad idea for me to start something with another person when I’m already in love with you.”

He chanced looking up at her, and she was watching him with such warmth in her gaze.

“This is really what you want?”

“Yes,” he replied, not a single second of hesitance. Oliver used the hold he had on her hands to tug her closer, then let go to wrap his arms around her instead. Laurel went willingly, folding into his embrace with that sense of rightness that had always accompanied her. He turned his face into her hair, smiling to himself as her hands slid further down his back.

“You’re sure?” She asked, just a whisper past his ear.

Oliver pressed his lips to her head. “Yes.” Then he pulled back just a little to look her in the eyes. “And I promise to prove that to you every day.”

Laurel’s lips parted, and his eyes drifted to them. He bent forward, just a breath away—

The door to the loft swung open, and Caitlin jumped as she stepped out and spotted them. “Sorry! I just have to take a call. Um, I’ll go in the stairwell.”

“That’s okay, Caitlin,” Laurel said as she turned around in his hold. The other woman was already scurrying through the fire door that led to the steps, however, so she sighed, her head falling back to rest on his shoulder. “I guess you really better be sure now.”

“I am,” he insisted, bringing his arms back around her middle. “I don’t know why you think I should be the one having second thoughts about this, but I am sure.” Any reasonable person should have been running for the hills instead of giving things another shot with him, and that was what had had him so convinced Laurel couldn’t still be in love with him.

Yet as he tilted his head down to look at her, it occurred to him that Laurel wasn’t always the most reasonable person. She was strong-willed and stubborn and went her own way whenever it suited her. Why should her heart be any different?

As if in answer to his thoughts, she gave a half-shrug. “Hey, I know how I feel.”

“Well, you’ll have to trust that I know how I feel. That work?”

“Of course.”

It was that simple, really. Laurel had always believed in him. Now he just needed to believe in himself too, that he could make this work.

She placed her hands over his and lifted them from around her, but kept the fingers of one laced through hers. “Come on, or we’re going to get caught out here again.”

“Right.”

They returned to the loft. Cisco was still on the couch but turned around to chat with Barry and Iris on the sofa, and he scooted over to make room for the both of them. Across the couch in her own chair, Thea grinned widely at him. Oliver looked away from her, as well as John’s questioning stare, and instead focused on rejoining the conversation and the group with Laurel’s hand in his.

He was done holding himself apart.

#lauriver #laurel x oliver #oliver queen #laurel lance #arrow #cisco ramon #thea queen #barry allen #green arrow #black canary #my writing #Anonymous

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perpetually-jungshook · 6 years

Text

RED || 02

Genre: humor, jimin x jungkook for now, angst, fluff, humor

Summary: Life is weird. Jungkook works as Jimin’s niche porn photographer and finds it difficult to remember that the he’s only flirting with the camera. Namjoon despises the world of big business but works as a manager for an international corporate company and hates it (cruel irony, he says). Yoongi is just a typical IT guy who has a secret he’s never told anyone, which is totally typical. Hoseok and Seokjin work at a retirement home, from which they one day bring back some random volunteer with fiery red hair who may or may not change everything.

Warnings: language, crude humor, pining

Word Count: 7.4k

Links: Storyboard || 01 || Next Part

As it turns out, hot-Taehyung who volunteers at the retirement home isn’t terrible. At least, not more terrible than any of Jungkook’s other friends, who are pretty much only mildly awful. But that’s a whole different conversation. Taehyung seems nice and rather interesting. He laughs at Jungkook’s lame jokes, watches anime, still collects Beanie Babies, and has somehow (for whatever goddamn reason) made it through reading the entirety of both Ulysses and Moby Dick— twice. As if once or not at all wasn’t enough.

Jungkook learns all of these things over the course of their impromptu three hour hang out, which ends abruptly and disappointingly (though he’d never admit it out loud) when Hoseok comes home on his lunch break to unlock the apartment door, apparently having been informed about the situation. Taehyung says goodbye so he can get ready for his volunteer shift and leaves Jungkook to wallow in a Jimin induced sorrow by himself again.

To keep busy, Jungkook attempts to read Ulysses because it’s free online, now in the public domain, but gets about three pages in before closing the tab on his phone and returning to his Harry Potter TV marathon.

Jungkook tries not to acknowledge the fact that he’s glad Jimin isn’t the one who came to let Taehyung in first.

An hour or so later, the jingling of keys is Jungkook’s only warning that someone is home. Yoongi yawns as he walks through the door and gracelessly kicks off his shoes. His tired gaze is practically blind to Jungkook, sweeping over him with nothing more than a nod of acknowledgement.

“Poor Yoongi, so sleepy from turning off and on computers all day,” Jungkook coos, getting up and walking over to put his hands on the older boy’s shoulders to bodily steer him sideways toward the kitchen.

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too,” Jungkook coos, laughing fondly and sitting him down at the small island. “What would you like to eat?”

“What do we have?”

“Instant noodles.”

“And?”

“Instant noodles.”

Yoongi narrows his eyes, lips caught between a sleepy pout and a suspicious frown, “I just bought stuff for stir fry.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook smiles innocently. “But that actually requires effort?”

“You little shit.”

“Your little shit,” Jungkook corrects and walks over to the cabinet to grab one of the styrofoam containers. “I’m your best friend and you love me, even if you won’t say it. Oh, we actually don’t have any more instant noodles.”

“So we’re out of the one thing on your menu?”

“Yes, but you’re in luck. We have a sudden new addition. How does a frozen burrito sound?”

Yoongi snorts.

“How are you even alive? With all the crap you eat.”

“That’s a good question,” Jungkook says as he opens the freezer and looks inside. “I can make a pizza instead? That’s like a whole meal. Carbs, dairy, meat— this one has olives on it. That’s like a vegetable.”

“It’s a fruit.”

“An olive… is a fruit?”

“Yes.”

Jungkook stares at the little black circles on the pizza. Weird. He’ll need to have a soft existential crisis about that later.

“Okay so pizza it is.”

Yoongi sighs heavily as he gets up and walks over to the fridge, bumping Jungkook out of the way with his hip. The younger boy laughs and moves away without complaint. He’ll take a free meal any day.

“You are literally useless…” Yoongi grumbles as he stirs the frying stir fry, but Jungkook knows he doesn’t mean it. Yoongi is all bark and no bite. Except when he actually bites, like that time when Hoseok tried to get him to hold the rental parrot at the karaoke bar. “… can’t even make a goddamn— fuck.”

Yeah, he’d been tuning Yoongi out, but the loud curse gets Jungkook’s attention, yanking him away from the vivid memory. His gaze cuts to Yoongi’s finger where he’s sucking at it, a burn from a slip of the hand no doubt. Jungkook reacts without question, without having to be told. He doesn’t joke around when it comes to injuries, no matter how small.

He pushes away from the countertop where he’d been leaning, going over to the stove where he flicks off the heat and tugs Yoongi away by his free wrist, leading him over to the sink. It requires a little prompting, like trying to get an angry, terrified opossum out of a corner, but it only takes a few seconds to coax Yoongi’s finger out of his mouth and into the stream of cool water. It’s not a bad burn, thankfully, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just stand by idly.

If Jungkook has learned anything about his friend in the years they’ve known each other, it’s that Yoongi hates being reminded that he’s human. He dislikes pain, sleep, hunger, really anything that draws him away from his job, his phone, or his computer (which is ironic because he’s actually a decent cook). He has always been like this, at least to Jungkook’s knowledge. What he does all day on these devices (besides sending anonymous memes to his supervisors and telling people to turn off and on their computers) is still a mystery. Jungkook figures that if Yoongi wanted to share, he would. He respects people’s privacy like that, though Seokjin just calls Jungkook lazy.

But when something like this happens, when Yoongi has to take time out of his schedule to take care of his body, he’s usually kind of bad at caring or remembering or not panicking. And that’s where Jungkook comes in.

“I’m going to go get a bandaid, just keep that— Yoongi— keep that under the water,” Jungkook pries the older boy’s finger away from his mouth and puts it back in the sink. “Stay.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“Stay, please?”

Yoongi only grumpily huffs in acknowledgement, but when Jungkook comes back with some ointment and a store brand bandage, he’s still obediently got his hand under the faucet. A pat dry, dab of antibacterial medication, and patch up later, Jungkook steps back to examine at his handiwork.

“Looks good to me.”

“Thanks, Kook,” Yoongi mumbles, lip twitching in displeasure, probably from the pain.

Jungkook waits a beat for comedic effect, “So I’m not literally useless, right?”

“Fuck you.”

“Boo, you already used that.”

Jungkook helps Yoongi finish making dinner, much to the older boy’s unexpressed surprise. It’s not that I’m switching points of view here, it’s that Jungkook doesn’t usually do the whole “cooking” thing. It’s his fear of Yoongi accidentally injuring himself again that has him stepping up, plus his desire to be a good friend and decent human being.

They end up eating the stir fry with Namjoon, who comes home suspiciously close to the completion of the cooking process. They make smalltalk around the table, discussing work, personal lives, and Namjoon’s most recent tarot card reading. As he starts explaining, Yoongi miraculously refrains from giving him a hard time.

Jungkook doesn’t understand most of what’s being said, but the word “Death” definitely catches his attention. A queasy, heavy feeling naturally settles in his stomach though it’s quickly dissipated upon hearing the explanation, “Death is about endings and beginnings, change and transformation.” He’s never been sure if he believes in tarot cards and that kind of stuff, but Namjoon believes it, so it’s hard not to be at least somewhat convinced. After a few more cards he loses interest again, not seeing how this is going to affect him considering it’s Namjoon’s reading.

He idly wonders if Jimin is home yet.

Jimin walks into an empty house, but he’s expecting it. Hoseok and Seokjin are out getting drinks, which isn’t half as wild as it sounds. They occasionally go to this restaurant downtown to have non alcoholic beverages and talk about work, primarily about how scary Ms. Piper is. Jimin doesn’t understand how an old lady can be so terrifying to someone like Hoseok, who everyone loves (even when he’s trying to kill them over stolen food), but he can understand needing to vent after a long shift. He wishes he had that luxury right now, but he’d be talking to the walls which, in this case, aren’t too great at listening. They only seem to be interested in him, proverbially speaking, when he’s got a… companion over.

Tossing his keys onto the side table near the door and deftly kicking off his shoes, Jimin rubs his stiff neck muscles as he makes his way past the kitchen to his room. When they moved in, Hoseok and Seokjin had been kind enough to offer him the master suite because of his occupation, leaving enough space for the couch and any lights or other equipment needed for adequate filming. This led to his door being right off the living room, which means it’s so easy to pause and glance at the couch before going inside.

He doesn’t know when Taehyung is supposed to come back, but Jimin won’t lie. He’s (trying not to be) excited. Of course, there’s always the possibility that nothing will happen. Maybe Taehyung wouldn’t be into a hookup when he’s staying on their couch. Maybe he isn’t into Jimin. Maybe he isn’t even into guys.

But that’s the fun part, the possibility that he would be willing to try.

Jimin resists the temptation to just flop onto his bed and scroll through Twitter. He can at least take off his work clothes. He deserves that much. One pair of sweatpants and a threadbare T-shirt later, Jimin rolls onto his bed with a quiet groan. Numbers flit around behind his eyelids as he closes them, a side effect of being an anonymous accountant in a large company. It takes some effort to dispel the figures and formulas, effort that’s ultimately wasted as they crowd back into his mind moments later. Deep breath. His stomach growls, but he can’t be bothered to get up. Seokjin might make him food later if he asks very, very nicely. Or what if he called Jungkook?

No. That’s cruel. That’s abusing his friend and Jimin knows it, so he banishes the thought as soon as he has the self control and clarity of mind to refute it.

His phone pings from where he set it on the nightstand before he changed clothes. Rolling onto his side, curling into the fetal position, he winces when he sees the contact name. It’s a private message, not part of the group chat.

Jungkook: [8:20 pm]

Hey

Jimin: [8:20 pm]

Sup?

Jungkook: [8:21 pm]

Just sent you an email with the pics

Let me know if any need to be touched up

Jimin: [8:21 pm]

K thanks~

Jimin opens his email and looks through the pictures. It’s amazing, what Jungkook can do with some good lighting and heavy editing. Granted, Jimin has close to no idea what goes on after he stops posing. He’s never asked and Jungkook doesn’t tell him. All he knows is one day, they’re working on a shoot, less than a week later there are photos in his inbox, and they are always breathtaking. It’s not an ego thing, namely because Jimin knows he doesn’t actually look that good in person.

It’s just easy to get distracted by the fairy prince in some far away forest lounging on a couch, eyes heavily lidded in a perpetual “come hither” stare. He might’ve found it objectively pretty, maybe even seductive if he wasn’t so busy being disgusted.

Jimin: [8:24 pm]

They look good Kookie

Thank you

Jungkook: [8:26 pm]

Anytime. Hungry?

Jimin’s throat pinches a bit and he’s not sure whether it’s due to guilt or excitement, but he reigns his emotions in, just in case it’s the latter.

Jimin: [8:26 pm]

Why?

Jungkook: [8:27 pm]

Yoongi made stir fry

A small smile tugs gently at the corners of his lips, tugging equally at his heartstrings. Jungkook is the sweetest boy. He always has been. Kind, considerate, respectful. Even when Jimin teases him, he endures it like a good sport, often times just blushing or laughing along. Jungkook always takes care of him. Always. So he hesitates, caught between doing the right thing and what his body wants him to do. Both choices feel egregiously wrong.

Jimin: [8:28 pm]

Thanks Kookie but I think I’ll pass :)

I’m just so sleepy from work

Jungkook: [8:28 pm]

Okay no worries haha

Rest well and don’t forget to eat

Jimin takes a deep breath and sets his phone aside. Maybe he should’ve said yes. Hanging out with his friends might’ve helped, but now that he’s in bed, he doesn’t want to get up. Not even an explicit offer of rough couch sex with hot-Taehyung would do it. Well, Seokjin’s homemade soup might coax him, but Seokjin isn’t here right now. No one is. It’s just Jimin.

Always just Jimin.

It’s around midnight that there’s a knock on Jungkook’s door. Thankfully, he’s neither sleeping nor masturbating. He’s putting together a backdrop for Jimin’s next shoot, which will take place when Jimin’s boss gives them the go ahead, but he likes to be prepared.

Jungkook grunts in response, figuring it’s Namjoon wanting to tell him to pick up a stray dirty sock from the bathroom because he does that at odd hours of the morning sometimes and “I’ll be damned if I have to pick up your random sketchy socks all around the house” to quote him directly. The door opens.

“Hey, you up?” A deep voice, but definitely not Namjoon’s.

“Yeah,” Jungkook swivels around in his office chair to face Taehyung, surprised and a little nervous. He bites back the first two questions on his tongue: What’s he doing here? And: Is everything okay?

“Oh good I was afraid you were sleeping,” Taehyung sighs in obviously relief, leaning his shoulder lightly against the door frame. He’s still wearing his uniform from the retirement home, volunteer tag and all. He looks ridiculously good in navy blue scrubs and it’s obvious why Seokjin added on the “hot” qualifier when first talking about him. He continues, “You look like you’re almost ready for bed but do you maybe want to go get a doughnut with me?”

“A doughnut?” One of Jungkook’s eyebrows shoots up in curiosity.

Taehyung laughs lightly, quietly, “I know it’s a bit late for that so if you don’t wanna go, no hard feelings. I just got back from my shift and I wanted something sugary to eat but everyone else was asleep upstairs and Yoongi said you might be awake—”

“Yoongi answered the door?”

This question serves two purposes. One, confirming Taehyung didn’t just break in through his bathroom window or something. Two, it’s a self-diversion for the question he really wants to ask: why me? Taehyung probably has other friends aside from Seokjin and Hoseok, why choose someone he practically just met?

“Yeah. He was up watching a movie.”

“Oh, cool. Sure we can get doughnuts. Let me just…” Jungkook gestures down at his boxers. “Get dressed and stuff.”

“No rush. I’ll be in the kitchen,” Taehyung nods, seeming completely unbothered by any of it.

As soon as he’s out of sight, Jungkook closes his door again, slipping into some sweatpants and a hoodie. It isn’t too cold out yet, but one can never be too sure. He’d rather be warm and take off layers than be freezing and have nothing. Though, being hot and having no more layers to take off is pretty miserable too— concentrate.

He grabs his wallet and stuffs it, his phone, and his keys in the hoodie pocket, then goes to find Taehyung. He’s right where he said he’d be, in the kitchen, trying to balance a spatula on his index finger. Granted, he hadn’t said he’d be doing that, but anyone who’s read Ulysses and Moby Dick twice for fun is capable of anything. They’re obviously chaotic evil, or at the very least chaotic neutral.

Taehyung catches the spatula in his free hand as it falls, the action calculatedly effortless.

“Ready to go?”

Jungkook nods, watching him put the spatula back in the chipped ceramic pot that holds all four of the still functioning cooking utensils in the house. He hopes Taehyung didn’t drop it at any point. With a wave to Yoongi, who might be dozing on the couch or completely alert (it’s always hard to tell with him), the two boys head out.

“My car’s that way,” Jungkook points, but does a double take as Taehyung turns in the opposite direction.

The boy with the fiery red hair laughs brightly, pausing and gesturing for Jungkook to follow. His voice is soft and still surprisingly deep for his smile, “It’s just down the street. We can walk.”

“Okay but didn’t you just finish working a six hour volunteer shift?”

“Yeah, so I’m the one who should be complaining,” Taehyung says this teasingly.

“I’m not complaining,” Jungkook grumbles, but he doesn’t even try to suppress his smile. They walk in silence for a minute or two before he realizes he’s just been following without question or comment. Time for those good conversation skills he definitely has. “You know where we’re going right?”

Taehyung pauses and turns to look at Jungkook, who had been a few steps behind him, “What? I was following you. Just kidding don’t look at me like that. I totally know where we’re going.”

Jungkook joins in with Taehyung’s laughter, though the former’s is notably quieter.

“I just wanted to make sure so we didn’t get lost or anything.”

“Lost? But you live right back there.”

Jungkook shrugs, “Doesn’t mean I know where I am all the time.”

“Dude. How do you-?”

“I know,” Jungkook scrunches his nose, cutting off Taehyung’s inquiry, but allowing him to giggle instead. “I just kind of drive to wherever I need to be and then go home. I don’t usually explore much.”

Taehyung continues walking, an easy, amused smile having slid onto his lips, “Aren’t you a photographer?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook can tell he’s about to get lectured, but he doesn’t mind. Something about Taehyung just reads as “old soul.” Despite his awful choices regarding tea and literature.

“Don’t you kind of need to be… out and about exploring for that?” He turns to Jungkook and arches an eyebrow. “Like, I’ve heard people say photos sometimes take the whole day to set up and find the perfect moment or whatever.”

Jungkook had heard that a lot too, and considering how much time he spends setting up Jimin’s photos, he can almost say he adheres to that philosophy.

Taehyung continues, “But I think good photography can also happen in an instant, like some random moment in a random place, yknow? Spontaneously.”

Almost as quick a camera shutter, an image flashes behind Jungkook’s eyelids. A smirk. A smile. A laugh. All caught spontaneously.

Those pictures are indisputably his favorite.

He doesn’t know what to think, so instead of admitting anything, he lets out a quiet, amused huff and says, “Seems like you know a lot about photography.”

“Oh I actually know close to nothing about it.”

At least he admits it.

Taehyung presses the button for the crosswalk, despite there being close to no cars on the street. Maybe he’s stereotyping hard, but Jungkook pegged him as the type of guy to just cross. Maybe without looking. Taehyung seems like that kind of ballsy, doesn’t give a shit person, but maybe that’s simply because of his dyed hair, and maybe he’s not like that at all.

They wait for the crossing light to come on before the conversation continues.

“So what’s your favorite thing to take pictures of?”

Jimin. Not that… he’s a “thing.”

Jungkook hums, stalling for time to come up with a decent answer, “Since it’s kind of my job, whatever’s popular at the time—”

“That’s an awful answer.”

Welp.

“What are you passionate about? I mean c’mon,” Taehyung pauses as he opens the door to the 24/7 doughnut store and gestures for Jungkook to enter first. “You literally have someone’s dream job.”

Jungkook fidgets a bit as he steps inside, fingers folding over the sleeves of his hoodie to press it into his palms. The weight of his wallet, phone, and keys hanging low against his stomach, almost at his crotch is awkward and makes a lump that looks too malformed to actually be a boner.

“I guess—”

“Don’t guess.”

The store smells like stale doughnuts, the ones in the cases likely made this morning. It’s underscored by a layer of too-sugary frosting or glaze or whichever the machines last ran, but what’s a doughnut without that? Besides, the stale sugary smell is typical of a place like this, a slightly dingy, nondescript Coffee & Donut (yes spelled like that and singular) shop that’s known more for its Donuts than Coffee despite the order of the words on the sign.

“People. I like taking pictures of people. Candid shots.”

“But isn’t there like a whole thing about consent?”

Jungkook’s cheeks suddenly feel very warm, “Yeah, which is why I don’t do it.”

Taehyung leads the way to the counter, much to the obvious displeasure of the (approximately) nineteen year old (maybe) college girl working behind the register. As is standard of all night shift employees, she clearly doesn’t want to be here, is probably on her fifth cup of cheap break room watered down coffee, and is likely running on a granola bar she ate six hours ago.

There’s a sign on the tip jar that reads: Just the tip.

Inappropriate enough to be appropriate for the night shift, Jungkook thinks.

They order their doughnuts, two for Jungkook, two for Taehyung, and a chocolate milk for each because why the heck not? They’re feeling wild. Once they’re settled at a table in the far corner of the shop and the female employee has disappeared into the stockroom to text or play games on her phone, Taehyung washes down a rather huge bite (even for Jungkook’s standards) with a swig of said milk and asks, “So is that why you do porn? Because you like taking pictures of people?”

Jungkook chokes, unsure if he’s surprised at the question itself or Taehyung’s casualness about asking, “I— I mean, I don’t know?”

Someone must have told him about the shoots. Probably Jimin. But when would that have happened?

“You don’t? How can you not know something like that?” he inquires with a straight face.

If there’s any judgment in his voice, it has nothing to do with the porn aspect of it.

Taehyung continues after a moment, a smirk slowly curling up the corners of his lips, “Or do you do it because you have a thing for Jimin?”

“I don’t… have a thing for him,” the hesitance is damning, even to his own ears.

Taehyung takes another bite of his doughnut, which consists of him stuffing the entire rest of the second half into his mouth. Naturally, he needs to chew this, which means the prolonged silence sits heavier over them than Jungkook’s overstuffed wallet, phone, and keychain with too many keys and charms sitting uncomfortably against his crotch. So like, really uncomfortable with zero boners.

The boy with the fiery red hair currently not held up by the faded navy blue bandana abruptly starts laughing. It’s not at Jungkook’s expense, he thinks. At least it doesn’t sound like it is. His reaction is lighter, quieter, and more “I’ve just confirmed your crush on the dude who wanted me to boink him or for him to boink me, I’m not quite sure,” which is very specific but highly accurate.

“You don’t have a thing for him. Right. Uh-huh. And I didn’t just inhale a glazed doughnut.”

Jungkook tries to find something to defend himself and settles on like, The Worst thing, throwing a crumpled napkin at Taehyung as if to say: I have resorted to the absolute minimal amount of physical violence to distract you.

He tries to save the retaliation by saying, “Technically, you didn’t inhale it. You took two bites.”

Taehyung laughs harder, dodging the napkin easily, but to Jungkook’s relief it seems he’s stopped the teasing for now.

“Touché. But really, I’m curious. Why shoot porn with one of your friends?”

Jungkook shrugs, “I needed to work on my portfolio.”

“Could you say you needed to make it… thicker?”

Jungkook has to swallow his bite quickly before he chokes from laughing.

“You can’t make a dick joke while I’m eating a maple bar.”

“Says who?” Taehyung ask, seeming very satisfied with himself.

“Fuck, just…” Jungkook takes a sip of his chocolate milk and playfully kicks his companion under the table. “Sure, I wanted to make my portfolio thicker and Jimin needed a new photographer.”

“That’s fair.” His companion nods, adjusting his scrubs before shoving the entire second doughnut into his mouth.

“What about you? Besides volunteering at the—”

“Can I ask you a question real quick? Sorry to cut you off.”

He chewed and swallowed impossibly fast, it was vaguely impressive.

“Shoot.”

Taehyung’s lips purse slightly as his eyebrows draw together. “Do you guys really refer to me as ‘hot-Taehyung’ or was that just Jimin?”

With the few seconds he’d had to go over the list of possible questions, Jungkook can say with surety that this had not been one of them. Thus he doesn’t have a good answer prepared and resorts to terrible and complete honesty.

“Yes we do, kind of. All of us.”

Smooth.

“Are there other Taehyungs that have qualifiers?” he seems amused by the possibility.

“Nope just you.”

“Cool.”

Jungkook can’t tell if Taehyung’s smile reads as pleased, intrigued, humored, or a mix of the three. He takes another bite of his maple bar, trying to get the pesky blush off of his face that just doesn’t want to go away. It wasn’t even him that came up with that prefix. Maybe he should say that.

“So what were you saying? Before?”

“Right, ah,” Jungkook takes a moment to swallow before he continues. “What do you do besides volunteer?”

“I do lots of random things. I paint murals, design websites, write an advice article for an online newspaper that really shouldn’t be called a newspaper. Oh, I also do a podcast about cloud watching and story telling.”

“A… podcast?”

“Yeah, like an audiobook but it keeps updating? And it’s free,” Taehyung explains before polishing off his chocolate milk in one swig. “Do you like riddles?”

They stay at this dingy Coffee & Donut shop for a few hours and Jungkook only prompts that they leave so the girl behind the register doesn’t have to pretend to look busy anymore. He says this as under-his-breath as he can, just in case she’s actually busy. It’s partially a lie though, a lie of omission.

The overly sweet smell of the store was starting to make him feel sick, considering the mush of carbs and sugar churning around in his stomach. He doesn’t want Taehyung to think he’s having a bad time though, because he isn’t. He’s having a great time, so he keeps this information to himself. The fresh (slightly less smoggy) night air does wonders for his mood and digestive system. The walking helps too.

As it turns out, Jungkook is not good at riddles, but it seems Taehyung likes watching him struggle for a few minutes before getting comically shocked by the answer, not that Jungkook minds. It’s interesting to hear the solution, to see all the pieces fit together, and Taehyung appears to have an endless supply of them.

“Okay, okay. You’ll love this one. You are my brother but I am not your brother. Who am I?”

Jungkook deadpans at the question, pretending not to notice as they take another wrong turn, the third one since they left the shop, considering they aren’t supposed to be making any turns at all.

“Wait, you’re my brother? But I’m not yours?”

“Yeah.”

“But…?”

“That’s the point.”

Jungkook can feel himself frown in concentration. The night air feels cool against his nose and cheeks, just on the cusp of feeling nippy. What? Note to self, never use the word “nippy” again. His heels drag against the concrete of the sidewalk, a habit he should probably kick before he needs to buy new shoes.

“Do you give up?” Taehyung giggles, giving Jungkook a big, boxy smile.

“No, I’m thinking.”

“Your face is so cute when you’re thinking.”

Jungkook flushes, voice cracking, “What?”

Taehyung laughs harder, “I’m serious! It gets all pouty— sorry, right, I’ll let you think.”

“You’re my brother, but I’m not your brother…”

Jungkook can feel the answer on the tip of his tongue, frustrating, like being edged because the phone started ringing.

“I’m your sister!” Taehyung declares way too comfortably for the sentence he’s saying.

Jungkook shoves him, not too hard, but hard enough. The boy with the fiery red hair cackles.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I almost had it.”

“Did you really?”

Pause.

“No.”

They both laugh.

Much to Jungkook’s surprise, the apartment building appears in front of them as they turn one last corner. Yeah, part of him was worried Taehyung was going to lead him into a back alley to be murdered brutally with a rusty pocket knife, but that’s normal right? To have that fear. Jungkook is learning to trust Taehyung though, not that that’s difficult with his bright smile and unconventionally interesting personality (which might sound like an insult but is really a compliment).

Taehyung opens the door to the building and once again gestures for Jungkook to go first. So he leads the way, grumbling in good humor, still pretending to be miffed about the riddle. When the elevator opens, Taehyung gets in first and presses the buttons for the second and third floor. The quiet that has settled over them is pleasant, not awkward, which is new for Jungkook considering how painfully awkward he normally is.

The doors slide open and yeah, he feels a little pathetic for taking the elevator up one floor, but that’s a personal thing. Since they’d just done all that walking and it’s now about three o’clock in the morning after what must have been a long volunteer shift, he’s assuming Taehyung is exhausted. Next time maybe Jungkook should suggest eating Pocky and watching bad late night TV instead.

“Alright this is my stop,” Jungkook announces like he’s in some romcom and he expects Taehyung to kiss him.

“Yes it is,” Taehyung leans against the back of the elevator, looking right at home with his soft smile and messy hair and wrinkled scrubs. There’s a baby pink sprinkle stuck to the left corner of his lips. “Thanks for coming out with me.”

“No problem,” Jungkook steps out, walking backwards to continue to face the boy with the fiery red hair. “See you around?”

“Yeah, see you soon— oh wait. I almost forgot.”

Taehyung steps forward and fits his foot against the closing door, causing it to open again.

“You have my permission.”

His what?

“Your what?”

“My permission. To take candid pictures of me. So now you don’t have to ask.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen in momentary shock, “Ah, thank you. I— wow. I mean, I really appreciate that.”

“No worries. Now get home safe.”

Taehyung winks— yes winks— and smiles, stepping back as the metal doors slide closed, simultaneously sealing their interaction and stamping the moment into Jungkook’s memory with the gentlest thump of the two panels meeting.

He stares at his own blurred reflection for a beat before turning and walking down the hall. There is a one hundred percent chance he’ll question whether or not this actually happened later.

The front door squeaks quietly as it opens, Jungkook’s hoodie pocket feeling a bit lighter without the clump of unnecessarily jingly metal attached to the end of a shabby Iron Man lanyard. He can hear the TV before he can see the living room. The volume is low, most of the voices only an indecipherable muttering. A soft blue glow illuminates room and Yoongi, who has curled up on the couch. He’s got a light blanket thrown over him, probably the result of a last ditch effort before dozing off or a sleepy Namjoon walking around to get water.

It’s weird, being awake at night when Yoongi isn’t. The older boy is notorious for staying up late even when he has to get up at the ass crack of dawn for work. Hoseok once asked Yoongi how he stayed alive with so little sleep to which the older boy replied: power naps and willpower fueled by my hatred for most people and things. He probably got the second part from one of Namjoon’s open mic poetry rants, then changed the context to fit his own cutely grumpy agenda.

Without much thought, almost as if on instinct, Jungkook maneuvers around the coffee table and slips one arm under Yoongi’s knees, the other bracing his back. So blanket and all, Jungkook lifts the older boy bridal style and gingerly sneaks his way out of the living room, only hitting one shin in the process.

Unfortunately, opening Yoongi’s door is a bit of a challenge, and it jostles the sleeping boy awake. He lets out a disgruntled huff, one eyelid cracking open.

“The fuck…?”

“You fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t want you to get a kink in your neck.”

The door swings open slowly as if to accentuate the awkwardness of the situation.

“Well I think you can put me down now.”

“Right.”

Jungkook sets Yoongi on his feet and backs away politely.

“How’s your finger?”

Yoongi pulls the blanket around him like a cape. He look smalls and angry with his bedraggled hair and the dark circles under his eyes, which makes Jungkook want to pat him gently on the head.

“It’s fine,” Yoongi says, then yawns. “I’m going to bed.”

“Okay, goodnight.”

If Jungkook had a tsundere translator, he likes to think there would’ve been a “thank you” somewhere in that conversation, which ends with a door in his face after a grumbled “yeah, g’night.” But with that, Jungkook goes back to the living room to turn off the TV, hits his other shin, and finally returns to his own room to flop onto his bed. It would’ve been ideal to be asleep before his head hit the pillow, but it naturally takes a couple tosses and turns before Jungkook finally manages to drift off.

Technically, that completes day two since Taehyung’s arrival, but it definitely feels like it’s been a week.

Day six PT (Post Taehyung) is a lot less bizarre than it might originally sound.

Jungkook can hear the elevator close behind him as he stops walking, then raises his hand and knocks with a small sigh. The door opens, just a crack.

“Password please?”

“Seriously? Let me in.”

“I’m sorry sir, I can’t do that without a password.”

“Hobi.”

The one eye peaking out behind the door narrows at Jungkook, sizes him up, then squints as the older boy laughs.

“Alright get in here, but the entry fee is—”

Jungkook cuts him off by ruffling his hair affectionately (roughly) and walking past Hoseok into the third floor apartment. It’s crowded, but not in the usual “we tried to shove six boys into a small living room” kind of way.

Upon the first step past the door, the murmur from out in the hallway becomes a louder, distinctive conversation, a conversation with about five voices all trying to shout over each other.

“NOW YOU LISTEN HERE. YOU DID NOT HAVE A FOUR.”

“I HAD A FOUR AND YOU CAN’T PROVE OTHERWISE.”

“SHE DEALT THE CARDS SO SHE SHOULD KNOW.”

“SO SHE’S COUNTING CARDS NOW IS SHE?”

“YOU CAN’T COUNT CARDS WITH THIS IT’S IMPOSSIBLE.”

“THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW I DIDN’T HAVE A FOUR, WOMAN?”

“FRANCIS, YOU CAN EAT MY FRESH BAKED ASS—”

“Language, Ms. Lee,” Seokjin coos from his place mixing drinks and cleaning glasses in the kitchen. Jungkook can tell by his tone of voice that he’s thoroughly amused.

Ms. Lee, a woman who is probably in her late seventies, wrapped in a baby pink crocheted shawl in her wheelchair, turns to give Seokjin a sweet smile, “Sorry dear.”

She then turns back to their game, all huddled around one of the three flimsy collapsable card tables. Jungkook’s never sure what they’re actually playing, only hearing words like “sets” and “runs” being tossed around in various numbers that always sound different. At the other two tables, it appears a few guests are either quietly playing poker with Namjoon as their dealer, or blackjack with Yoongi.

The room smells of moth balls, nature friendly cleaning supplies, and light perfume. It’s an odd mixture, but Jungkook definitely prefers this to Taehyung’s death tea. Speaking of, there’s a small woman maybe in her nineties sitting on the couch next to the boy with the fiery red hair. They seem to be having a calm, quiet conversation. Tasteful jazz plays in the background.

“What can I get you?” Seokjin asks, still amused, as Jungkook takes a seat at the island countertop.

“Do you have any cranberry juice?”

“Sorry buddy, fresh out.”

“Banana milk?”

Seokjin turns around and opens the fridge, placing a carton in front of the younger boy, “On the house.”

They share a quiet laugh.

To the uninformed person, this— being everything going on in the room— might seem like something strange, worth at least one eyebrow raise, but it’s actually pretty normal.

Once a month, typically on the first Friday, Seokjin and Hoseok host a “senior ‘underground’ gambling night.” Hoseok has still not managed to get the acronym SUGN to catch on despite this being the fifth or sixth event. According to Seokjin, the retirement home knows that they bring the residents here (considering they use the facility’s bus). The term “underground” just makes it seem more exciting. No smoking, no alcohol, just a bunch of cute elderly people getting “out of the house” as it were. All of the money they decide to bet simply circulates between them. The House keeps none of it except the small entry fee to cover the drinks and snacks. It wasn’t difficult for the rest of the boys to hop on board from the beginning, considering how much effort Seokjin and Hoseok are putting into it. Besides, free juice.

“Look who finally stopped by!”

The familiar voice makes Jungkook blush up to his ears, especially as Jimin’s hand brushes his lower back. It’s just a greeting, Jungkook tells himself, and is a little relieved when Jimin reaches forward to grab a glass of orange juice. He’d just been making sure Jungkook didn’t move and bump into him. That’s all.

“Sorry I’m late. I lost track of time finishing a project.”

“Was it my next background?” Jimin says quietly, his smile slowly turning into a smirk as he turns his head, making eye contact. He hasn’t moved his hand.

“Y-yeah,” Jungkook nods, then takes a long sip of his banana milk.

Jimin giggles, a pleasant sound amidst the loud talking, arguing, and card shuffling.

“I know it’ll turn out great, Kookie.”

He pats Jungkook’s lower back before leaving with the glass of orange juice, likely delivering it to one of the guests. The retirement home residents always think Jimin is adorable. Probably because he is. Jungkook watches him walk away, then slumps forward.

“He’s not helping, is he,” Seokjin says knowingly, leaning against the small island countertop. It’s less a question than a statement.

Jungkook pouts. Seokjin is the only one of his friends that Knows, unless Jungkook counts Taehyung. Are they friends though? Sure they’ve hung out a couple times and talked, but… Maybe Jungkook should find out the name of his podcast— concentrate.

“No.”

“Why don’t you talk to him about it?”

“Says you,” Jungkook laughs humorlessly. It’s a series of sounds that conveys sadness and, most importantly, empathy.

“Look,” Seokjin starts, placing both hands on the countertop. “Jimin is bi. At least you have a chance.”

“Do you even know what Namjoon’s sexual orientation is?”

Seokjin’s cheeks dust pink. “I mean, he’s never said anything about it. But look at him. How can he not be straight?”

Jungkook glances over his shoulder at Namjoon manning the poker table. All broad shoulders with neatly combed hair and a dimpled smile. He’s still wearing his business suit from work.

“I dunno. You might be surprised,” Jungkook says, shrugging.

The older boy’s reply is underscored by a quiet sigh, “I could say the same thing about you and Jimin.”

Needing to get to his primary SUGN duty, being floating around the room, picking up trash or refilling the little plastic bowls with snacks (because he’s not very good at the whole socializing thing, as previously established) Jungkook concludes the brief conversation with another laugh. But this time it’s genuine, even if a little quiet and doubtful and masked behind a shouted “FRANCIS, YOU’RE A LYING BASTARD.”

Jimin places the glass of orange juice on the coffee table, well within Ms. Piper’s reach. He hadn’t known who she was until Hoseok abruptly decided to switch with Yoongi, choosing to man the door (the furthest away he can get from the elderly woman) instead of dealing for blackjack. He was usually at one of the card tables, utilizing his naturally charismatic charms. If Hoseok made any profit from this, Jimin would think he might be cheating at the game, the way he makes the elderly ladies blush and giggle. But he doesn’t. And how can Jimin blame him for being charming? He does the exact same thing. It’s nice to be the cause of someone’s smile, no matter what gender or age.

Ms. Piper doesn’t acknowledge the glass, but she also seems to be in a deep, quiet conversation with Taehyung. It’s odd, how the two of them get along when someone like Hoseok, who gets along with everyone, is scared to death of her.

Taehyung looks up briefly and gives Jimin an acknowledging smile. He returns it with a nod.

After one last glance around the room to confirm he’s not needed at the moment, Jimin heads down the short hallway to the bathroom. Once he’s closed inside, he takes a deep, shaky breath and sits down on the lid of the toilet. Everything’s okay.

Jimin’s never had a good sense of smell, but he can immediately identify Hoseok’s fruity body wash. Someone left their toothpaste sitting out next to the sink. There’s the quiet drip of the leaky shower head, now audible above the voices in the other room. Beside the shower is the window screen still yet to be replaced since last Sunday.

He pulls his knees up to his chest, the heels of his feet resting on the edge of his improvised seat with a feeble squeak.

It’s been a long week at the office and all Jimin wants is to be able to relax, blow off some steam, maybe get dicked down. Yeah it feels good to fuck someone, but to be on the receiving end? That’s pretty nice too. Lets him focus on his own pleasure a little more, plus there are usually some really good cuddles afterward. What he wouldn’t do to have Taehyung bend him over any flat surface in this apartment and fuck him senseless. Jimin lets out a soft sigh against his thighs as his forehead comes to rest against his knees. The self loathing gnaws at his stomach, unwanted, dismissed.

Taehyung still hasn’t said anything about that rain check, but both of them have been extremely busy, never home at the same time unless sleeping. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck though.

Over the years, Jimin has learned not to expect too much of boys, taking into consideration that he is also male. Foolish, oblivious, proud. He closes his eyes, his mind conjuring up the flash of a camera. Jimin smiles. Him too.

[Next Part]

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dailymemori · 6 years

Note

lolol how can you still ship memori after that

man I was just gonna answer this with a meme but then like the amount of Bad Takes I’ve seen regarding memori lately had me all worked up earlier so. sorry for,,, all of this.

disclaimer: as far as shipping them goes? I’ll be first in line to say that where they’re at right now is not a healthy place to be in a romantic relationship, so I have no issue with them not being together atm. do I still love these two characters? do I still enjoy when they have scenes together? do I still have hope for their relationship in the future? YES. but I also recognize that they have a lot of shit to work out first.

with THAT out of the way, let’s get ready to suffer.

so the question is- how can I ship memori after “that”? I’m assuming “that” is the latest episode, and probably That One Scene in particular, which people have had a lot of strong opinions about, especially re: emori. and I’m sorry if I’m totally misreading your ask, anon, but it definitely comes across as “how can you still ship memori after emori did that”

because a lot of people are reading that scene as her only loving murphy when he’s strong and not when he’s weak which is….. a leap. to me that wasn’t about her not loving him when he’s weak- that was about her loving him even when he’s falling apart and putting her down, but also knowing that she deserves better than that, and that he needs to work on himself before their relationship can work.

i see people saying that she just wants him to hurry up and get better, that she isn’t trying to help him through his low points, or that she’s tearing him down instead of building him up. which, aside from having a slight “broken boy needs a girl to put up with his shitty behavior and ”“fix”“ him” vibe to it, it’s also just…. not accurate imo?

in 5x06 we had a whole conversation that explained that emori only ended things with murphy after he pushed her away “again and again and again” until she had no choice. to me, that doesn’t sound like someone who just gave up on him as soon as he hit a rough patch. that doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t care about him at his worst. that sounds like someone who tried, repeatedly, over and over and over, to stick with him through his bad days and understand why he was acting the way he was. but he wasn’t letting her. and that probably came from his own misplaced feelings that she didn’t need him anymore, that she was somehow better off without him, which is what made him push her away. and eventually, emori had enough. she put her own well being first, which does not make her the Bad Guy here.

you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. isn’t that a “thing” on this show? idk sounds familiar to me. emori can’t single handedly “fix” murphy if he continues to push her away, and especially if he doesn’t make any effort to change. I don’t want anyone to think I’m unsympathetic to murphy’s struggles this season. I GET IT, I really do. mental health issues and self esteem issues can cause all kinds of shit in relationships. I’m not saying murphy is wrong or weak for being affected by that. the problem is when people try to use that as an excuse, instead of as an explanation. and on the flip side, love can help and love can heal, but love isn’t a magic cure. the idea that emori didn’t love him enough to fix him is ridiculous.

even in this episode, murphy wasn’t trying to work on himself, he was just trying to make things go back to the way they were before, to be the “old” murphy that emori fell in love with. i get it, that boy was doing the MOST. he was checking all the boxes. they were pulling a con in the woods. they were gonna be a team again. they were going to save raven, which is something he knows emori wants so badly. instead of insulting her new skills or being bitter about them, he’s making those skills an integral part of the plan. he just saw that drawing of the rocket scene, where some of emori’s (potentially) last words to him were “survive, please.” so he’s throws that into conversation as well. did you HEAR the way he says “survive” in that scene?? he’s trying so hard to remind her, to say “see?? remember?? us surviving together??” they even do their “okay? okay.“ thing.

but she doesn’t bite.

she’s in for his plan, but not for anything beyond it.

and a surprisingly large part of fandom hates her for that. I think a little part of it is that weird concept that if man is interested in a woman, then she should at least "give him a chance”, regardless of whether or not she’s interested in him. which is bullshit but also unfortunately part of society. so I guess it’s actually not surprising to me that people are all over emori for not immediately taking him back. people read that as “oh she’s only in love with the "old” john or the “strong” john or she only wants him when he’s fighting. he’s obviously trying to be that way again, so why is she still acting like a bitch???“

thing is, he’s not acting like the old fighting-to-survive john because he’s made a decision to do that for himself, but because he thinks that’s what emori wants him to do. he even says it. "I thought this is what you wanted.” he’s being the “old” john again. he’s trying to survive. why isn’t that enough?

the point is, he can’t be “old” john again. emori may have fallen in love with that “old” version of john, but that isn’t the john that’s standing in front her in that moment. and she’s not the same person she was then either. in the words of literally every cast member, six years is a LONG TIME. they’re both different people than they were back in those “its us against the world” days. and while murphy seems to think that if he acts a certain way and does certain things, then they can go back to that… emori isn’t falling for it. she’s grown beyond that codependency and he resents/is jealous of that. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want him anymore, because there’s clearly still attraction there, but she’s not going to put herself and their relationship through this cycle again.

she can’t just pretend that him acting like the old john again is going to fix everything. things between them have changed. there’s trust that’s been broken there. “old” john didn’t put down her skills, or insult her, or push her away, or break her heart, or punish her for having a life outside of him. that’s the “new” john. that’s the john she’s facing in this scene. she knows that he needs to work on himself, that he needs to want to be better for HIMSELF, not for her, or he’s just going to fall apart again after this fight. she doesn’t see there being a change in that cycle. and no matter how much they still love each other, he can’t be dependent on her for his own stability, and she shouldn’t have to be that sole source for him.

can they still get back to a place where being together is healthy for them? i certainly think and hope so. but there’s a lot that needs to happen first, and right now they’re not at that point.

trust me I could go on and on about this subject because there are SO MANY MORE LAYERS to this situation and I didn’t even come close to fully breaking down any of it really but hopefully this made,,, at least a little bit of sense. obviously this is just how I’m viewing the whole situation so like, I’m not trying to say this is the only way or the “right” way to interpret it. everyone has their own experiences that shape how they view stories like this and that’s absolutely valid.

ANYWAY I’m… so sorry…. this turned into a ridiculously long ramble about the way fandom is treating this arc/memori in general and not an answer to the original question, which was…… how can I still ship memori after all that?

well, the Deep, Intellectual, Eloquent, Morally Correct reason is….

#this went COMPLETELY off the rails in terms of answering the ask i am SO SORRY #memori #memori meta #john murphy #emori

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tomatolouise · 6 years

Text

All these beautiful art made by wonderful artists just makes me sad and happy at the same time.

I don’t do a lot of these post, for reasons I won’t say for now.

But if you do decide to continue, then bare with me till the end.

Geez where do i even start. I hate being all sappy like this because it’s not like me to vent out in public but I just want everyone to know- if you write, if you draw, if you make art, don’t stop and don’t give up.

I know a lot of you feel discouraged right now. Maybe a lot of people don’t support in what you’re doing, or you just don’t believe in yourself. maybe you feel intimidated by great artists, painters or writers around you, you feel like you’re never going to be like them and make things that move people’s lives, and honestly that’s okay, as long as you don’t forget why you started doing it in the first place, remember why you wanted to do it, what is your reason? Your motivation?

I know it’s hard, we all hit rock bottom at some point of our lives, every artist feel like that once in a while and to be perfectly honest I feel like that everyday. I feel like I’m not good enough, that I should stop since my parents don’t support my method of making art, I should stop because nobody reads the works i put so much effort into.

But no matter how much I convince myself just that, it’s not the case, because It’s never the case.

Because if that was the real reason, then I wouldn’t have an art tablet, nor a MacBook Pro. In my country, most kids these days would beg to have one yet one just fell into my hands. I was aware how much they cost yet it was just given to me as a gift. What did i do to deserve that? I barely did anything for these people and yet they spent so much money for something I wanted to work hard on.

It was because they believed in me

Now I may look like I’m bragging but, I struggled showing my art to people even though I’ve been drawing for a long time (mostly anime, in which most elders including my parents were not keen with), but one day, a friend acknowledged this and encouraged me to try Deviantart where I started building up confidence. If you look at my account back thee all i did were traditional drawings of anime screenshots, i had very few feedback (that was to be expected) but that’s where I started and all I though at that point was I wanted to make something that would move people, things that when they see it, it would leave an impact on their mind, but I really have a short-temper, many people stay away from me because of it. I had and still have episodes where I would just scream in my room and complain, and tear my hair why anything I did wasn’t good enough. i told myself I would give up on drawing, on writing because giving up was the only thing I did best, even my parents told me that giving up was all I did (we even have a word for a person who is like that, nigas kugon) but fortunately I’ve been drawing well enough for more than a decade to give up that easily so I would find myself picking up a pencil, draw, tear the paper and break the pencil in two pieces, then draw again. I had some serious anger issues, and everyone around me just teased or scolded at it.

Eventually, I tried drawing digitally for a change of pace (because that was where everyone’s eyes were) on a small tablet with my fingers, no joke, stylus were also expensive at that time so i had to suck it up and just dream that i’d have an art tablet one day.

I didn’t think that it would come so early though.

It wasn’t a smooth ride, along the way, I would always come across a good drawing made by an equally amazing artist and think “why can’t I be like that? I want to draw like that too” and proceed to cry the whole week and lose my motivation. Things will never go the way you want but it will always go the way that will make you a better person. Heck, someone close to me even stole my whole portfolio that contained two years of traditionally drawn artworks and pretended she found it under a bookshelf.

I’ve been really down lately, nobody is supporting my art, my family keeps rushing me to study realism or else i wouldn’t make it into art school which just added to my glum mood and even when I did try it little by little, it felt like nothing I did was enough. But only because of these times I realised what I was doing wrong and went to correct it. Don’t think that nobody is there for you, because giving up means wasting all those years, the tears, sweat and all the mistakes you made in the past. Don’t you think that’s more painful that going forward having all the knowledge and experience you got through all the years and getting the chance to say “I’m proud of myself and the times I went through to get where i am now”?.

I myself haven’t achieved that goal yet, but I’m on my way, and boy am I going taking my sweet sweet time. I have friends and memes to accompany me through this dark times.

I want to tell all of you- Don’t rush it, you’ll learn new things by time, have patience and believe in yourself, don’t forget your goal. Remember, the journey is what teaches us not the destination.

P.S: Sorry for making all of my mutuals worry for not being able to be online as much as before and I’m terribly sorry to all of my friends that I left behind in leaving so many au’s, I believe they are choices that I will not regret and will be essential for me to become a better artist. i hope you all understand.

But most of all, I want to thank Sangie, for being the best friend that I could ever ask for, I hope you are doing well and I am receiving your messages in my inbox (I’m getting to shy to post a reply, and do tell me if you want me to take this lower note down)

#a long ass #tomatalk #holy shit i did one of these again #asdsdgdfhd #being in solitude for three weeks straight does that to me #gosh i hope no one on tumblr here knows me in real life #dont leak this information to anyone or i swear on my unborn child i will hunt you down #psa #i guess

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chickenfetus · 7 years

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ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)

im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food

6: What does your umbrella look like?

i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

both, preferably when im indoors

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

hm??????????? my tags lmao

UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like… straight idk i cant use rulers

12: Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though

15: Do you have glasses?

without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me)

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

m .. um? big. hero 6??????

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

my dumb ass didnt know they were different

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

not really rip

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o

for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends

27: Do you like nicknames?

giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

never forget dat boi

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!!

i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ?????

31: Are you a fashionable person?

i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????

33: Cookies or brownies?

i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk

37: How often do you doodle?

when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either

41: Any birthmarks?

not that i know of

42: Thoughts on freckles?

ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool!

43: First video game you ever played?

pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen

46: Thoughts on spring?

no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring

47: Ideal temperature outside?

oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao

okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot

#im laughing icb i asked u to ask me thank u for asking #ur a good pal #softshouyous #asks

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