#i think he might take some time to process it but atsushi is aware of the dazai that dazai has changed into too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lazysublimeengineer · 1 year

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lost kitten

Summary: Halfway starts with happiness for me

Halfway house, lost kitten in the street

Characters: Ranpo Edogawa & Nakajima Atsushi

(A/N: I don’t own anything from this franchise. Respectful ownership belongs to Metric for this song and Kafka Asagiri for this manga).

Don't say yes if you can't say no

Victim of the system, say it isn't so

Squatted on the doorstep, swollen on the blow

Leaving without you, can't say no

Nothing gets past Ranpo’s keen, chartreuse irises.

So, when his line of sight grazed over Atsushi’s form the next time the other placed the stacked of papers onto his desk with an awkward smile on his lips and a pure sparkle of curiosity pooling around his amethyst eyes, he’s quick to dismissed him as a lanky male with an airheaded disposition and a terrible person who can’t say no to other people even if he doesn’t want to do it.

A doormat with no self-preservation.

Atsushi’s existence wasn’t worth thinking about so he focused on other things.

Even when the other was kidnapped back then he didn’t hold back on his own opinion of questioning the agency’s want of saving him when it’s Atsushi’s fault for falling into that kind of situation in the first place.

Because of his stupid kindness. Naivete. And didn’t have an ounce of self-regard for himself.

Even if Fukuzawa had persuaded him successfully back then to rescue the young lad, a twinge of acerbity pooled within him as he complied with his team’s wishes and successfully rescued him with his great assistance.

Ranpo had tried to dismiss it and paid attention to other important variables of their mission even though numerous emotions had arisen within him which had his mind and heart swam into pools of confoundment.

Halfway starts with happiness for me Halfway house, lost kitten in the street Hit me where it hurts, I'm coming home to lose Kitten on the catwalk, high-heeled shoes

Boarding on the train was a pain in the ass.

There were a lot of things that needed to be considered which always made Ranpo’s mind came into a screeching halt when processing more important information inside his head.

But most of all he hated it when he had to stare at the railway map at the train station like it was an object consisted of alien language.

For all his cleverness and intelligence, he had a terrible spatial awareness when it came to directions.

Most of the time he loathed some missions that required for him to take on the train.

“Ranpo-san…?” Atsushi’s hesitant voice in the background reached his line of hearing and halted his thoughts and concentration.

“Yeah?” He asked noncommittally.

“I already bought some train tickets so we’re good to go…” The other’s voice faltered slightly at the end which caught Ranpo’s attention and turned around to face him.

Ranpo saw the look of hesitation and slight embarrassment coloring the other’s face but what caught more of his attention was the other holding a bottle of—

“Ramune?” He voiced out.

“Oh. Uh, yeah. I figured that you might be bored and probably thirsty from the heat and waiting for too long because of the long lines at the booth. So, this one’s for you Ranpo-san but I’m not sure if you’d want a drink like this—.”

“Open it and give it to me.” Ranpo cut him off lightly.

Atushi blinked at him owlishly before complying to his words and twisted the cap off from the lid. The soft, sizzling sound of the soda permeated his ears as soon as Atsushi opened it and handed it to him.

Ranpo took it in silence and drank from its contents. As the other was mostly self-conscious around him to notice anything else, one of his eyes opened slightly and let his dazzling emerald orbs bored right through the other’s soul.

He guessed that lost kittens had an interesting side after all.

No more hard-headed Saturdays They got it, they want it, they give it away Tell me one thing you would never do I was looking for a hooker when I found you

Ranpo was used to it by now.

The incompetence and inefficiency of the police in this place was something that irked him in the past but he grew mostly out of it and regarded them with a cold indifference and distaste.

But this was one of those days that his backhanded comments and smart aleck remarks had made Ranpo landed himself in hot waters with one of the police officers.

He didn’t look like it but he had a basic knowledge of self-defense techniques from Fukuzawa himself which wasn’t to be trifled either as he was trained by a previous assassin.

Besides Ranpo view the other people who resorted to violence as a retaliation as a lower being than himself as he found them dull and lacking in sharpness in thinking that fists could solve everything.

Ranpo was ready to block out the other’s officer’s incoming fists when someone blocked it already much to his brief surprise.

His eyes grew wide for a moment as he stared at Atsushi’s paws effectively caught the other’s fist and blocked his attack.

“I’d appreciate it if we don’t resort to violence sir. Especially not hitting on Ranpo-san who’s currently lending his hand and skill as a detective in solving this case.” Atsushi’s firm voice rang out.

It was rare to see and hear Atsushi being like that.

He knew that he got some hidden claws but it’s usually overshadowed by his meekness and insecure behavior most of the time.

“Tch. Whatever. Don’t think that both of you are some hotshots just because your talented people.” The officer sneered as he withdrew his fists and walked away grumbling to himself.

And just like that.

Everything went back to normal.

You've got my eyes, you've got my eyes You'll never be mine, ah, but you've got my eyes

“I can defend myself earlier.” Ranpo’s casual voice shattered the deafening silence as they’re both walked back to the train station after Ranpo solved the case at the pier.

Orangey hues spread out through the sky as the sun was already setting down in the late afternoon.

“I know Ranpo-san… But deducing something from a complicated crime such as this in just less than a few minutes is a great talent itself even greater than my own honestly… And people such as the police officers should learn to respect and appreciate that…” Atsushi paused and looked at him with a serenely downcast expression on his face, a fragile yet smile of understanding marring his features.

It made Ranpo paused gazed at him with a brief expression of being taken aback for a few seconds.

And that’s when Ranpo knew.

Atsushi was one of the genuinely accepting and selfless people he had met in his lifetime.

When you lie, I cover it up When you hide, I cover it up When you cry, I cover it up When you come undone, I cover it up

Ranpo had realized his initial lukewarm reception towards him.

Because he saw his younger self in him.

Naïve. Accepting. Kind.

It disgusted him.

But he was more disgusted at himself.

He had turned into some jaded, cynical being disguised in the faux sweetness of his confectionaries and quick remarks to other people.

Emotions hadn’t been his strong suit and Ranpo knew that his sharp tongue and disposition with other people had always got him into trouble rather out of it.

But an unknown, niggling feeling within him had urged to take a good look at Atsushi and pay more attention to him.

And his intrigue grew with each moment passed them by.

So pent-up, I was coming home to you Happy in the nighttime, howlin' at the moon Sippin' on a cocktail, drinking in the loo There's something about you I hold on to

Days trickled by that turned into weeks.

They both found themselves in being partnered often in missions together.

Mostly because aside Atsushi being too kind in refusing tasks and partners being assigned to him, he was one of the few people who possessed a genuine patience that can rival a saint when it came to dealing with Ranpo’s fractious personality.

Their silence inside the train rides slowly turned into occasional small talks: mostly with Ranpo commenting idly on his observations about other people and ranting about everything else. Until it turned into a two-way street of conversation between the two of them.

Ranpo found out even with their stark differences, they have oblique similarities.

They’re fiercely protective of people they care about even if it’s in the form of different entire beings.

Opinions of the people they greatly respected and admire about were both important to them.

When the train ride was over, Ranpo had looked over the horizon where the sun was setting peacefully.

A maelstrom of emotions was awakening within him as he stayed longer by Atsushi side.

And he didn’t want it to end.

When you lie, I cover it up When you hide, I cover it up When you cry, I cover it up When you're blind, I cover it up

(A/N: Yeah, pretty damn late getting into this fandom. But what can I say? Ranatsu is the first rare ship that caught my attention in this franchise, and I just had to get this out of my system. Reviews are amusing so let me hear them from you).

#bungou stray dogs #fanfiction #oneshot #ranatsu #ranpo x atsushi #relationship study #character study #ambiguous relationship #can be seen as either platonic or something more #ranpo edogawa #atsushi nakajima

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bkdkology · 3 years

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A Katsuki Meta

Howdy, I am back on my shit again after Atsushi’s twitter post of Horikoshi’s drafts made me cry for two hours and sleep for three.

Let’s get to it!

While there is obvious symbolism in this draft of Katsuki letting go of his past self, you have to appreciate just how much planning has been dedicated to this series, and how Horikoshi has managed to take a character that could’ve strictly followed a checklist of stereotypes for a hot headed, short tempered deuteragonist and build him to become just as complex and important as the protagonist.

He kept true to the promise he made when the chapter releases were still in the single digits:

Katsuki’s character is one of the easiest to mishandle. He was introduced as a bully, and maintained an explosively vile personality throughout a good chunk of the series. His most obvious traits are the marks of a FOIL to Deku, and he could have well stayed that way and still ended up becoming a good pro, with the usual AHA moment that a deuteragonist like him experiences: a moment where he learns that power isn’t everything.

Except he didn’t have a moment, he had several. He was kidnapped, tossed around, ripped to shreds, challenged, loved, trusted, admired, understood and practically reborn. The fact that he’s managed to stay true to himself after everything means he always had the makings of a great hero in him.

I wouldn’t say I’m a person who’s particularly capable of insane and correct deep level thinking, and on top of that I’m INCREDIBLY EASY to impress. For me it’s like:

You know how Earth needed to be at the exact distance it is from the sun and have the perfect atmosphere to create life? Katsuki’s story is much like that.

If anyone else but Deku had been telling the story, if Deku hadn’t been as persistent, strong willed, and caring as he is, and if everything that happened to Katsuki didn’t happen in the exact order and manner it did, he wouldn’t have been as great as he is now. And while that’s simple enough to say, it’s truly such a beautiful thing to bear witness to.

We’re 300 chapters and nearly 6 years into MHA and we’ve seen.

Katsuki go from refusing to work with others to becoming a great team leader.

His focus has always been on one thing: victory. In almost every situation, he’s had his eye on the win. It wasn’t always the case when Deku was involved, because Deku was so different from him in a way that made him feel threatened. And it’s something that has most likely been on his mind for a long time.

He’s become more comfortable with his vision since his fight with Deku, and it was probably liberating in an emotional sense too. His fight with Deku didn’t just realign and solidify his own views on life, but made him more accepting of himself and absolved him of some of his heaviest insecurities.

Katsuki letting go of his superiority complex to better himself.

In the days leading up to his fight with Deku, he was also fighting an internal battle for “being the reason behind All Might’s end.”

I wouldn’t argue that he was feeling guilty. While it was surely part of it, it shouldn’t be minimized to only guilt. The expressions on his face throughout the fight were incredible, he was angry, frustrated, confused, scared, quite clearly as he claimed, he just didn’t know what the hell he should do, so he fought.

By the time he interned at Endeavor’s agency, he was already well aware that he had faults, which is a huge step for him, and he was beginning the process of pinpointing those faults.

His unwillingness to work with Deku dissolves

After reaching a certain point in the manga, it’s become hard for me to imagine a time when Katsuki full on rejected Deku. In the first few volumes Katsuki got worse before he got better. He was in a comfortable position bullying Deku in middle school, but when he started to experience failure, when he witnessed Deku becoming stronger at a faster rate than him, he couldn’t even enjoy the fact that he was going to school where his favorite role model was teaching.

Now, after everything, Katsuki was opening up to Deku. They started training together to help Deku gain control of OFA. And not just that, Katsuki was invested in the long term. While he shared the secret of OFA with Deku long before anyone else found out about it, he later started to shoulder some of the weight too, and he was good at it.

He called small might out for keeping secrets from Deku, claiming Deku trusted him with his life, but he wasn’t as easily convinced, pointing out a detail in the descriptions of the past users that might’ve gone over Deku’s head. He’s always been brilliant, but now he’s using that brilliance to actively try to become involved with Deku’s burden.

He’s changed in obvious ways, but in subtle ones too.

After so much time, this panel is still really hard to look at. If you’ve ever suffered at the hands of bullies, you probably feel like there’s little satisfaction in their story even though so much has changed between them, there’s still a long way to go, there’s still a huge piece missing. Deku is way too forgiving, I don’t think he ever held anything against Katsuki for the way he treated him in the past. Katsuki is still hard with words, since the last time he bullied Deku, he has never said anything he doesn’t mean.

Katsuki has never been the type to lie. He doesn’t beat around the bush, he doesn’t pretend to be somebody he’s not, and while that part of him hasn’t changed, the way in which he delivers has. His heart has changed, and while I don’t recall a moment where he hasn’t been able to live up to his big claims, his confidence has changed from being used to mask his insecurity, to a healthier confidence that can lead, support, protect, and save.

To think that this moment is the moment that solidified Katsuki’s path to greatness, the fact that his capabilities and brilliance have always made his future bright, he’s gone above and beyond his own expectations of the world and how it works. In the world of scientific journals, there is always a gap in the knowledge of the scientific community, a gap in the understanding of how the world works. When you find that gap, something incredible happens.

He let go of the past. Katsuki, who envisioned a life where he made it big because he knew he could. Katsuki, who was always self driven. Katsuki, who loves the taste of victory. Katsuki, who categorized the world and people around him in terms of power. Katsuki, who believed only the powerful could become strong.

Deku was the one thing in his life that didn’t fit in his picture of the world. To him, his understanding of how the world worked was defined by the strong, the weak, the good and the bad. He couldn’t understand how empathy and vulnerability could make someone strong.

I’m really excited to see where Katsuki goes from here. There’s still so much for him to discover, and he’s so, so close to the end stage of his metamorphosis.

#bakugou katsuki #bkdk #bakudeku #katsuki bakugou #ktdk #katsudeku #my hero academia #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #Katsuki meta #kacchan

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voidix · 3 years

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So my dear friend @kittytudor and I were discussing some takes the fandom has on Dazai and especially his interactions with Mori and I thought I’d share

I really hate the train of thought that goes like “they’re super smart so they know life has no meaning and nothing matters” like that’s cynical for no reason whatsoever and just nihilistic

Yea when you are intelligent you see all the bad in the world and feel like you’re powerless to stop it a lot of times but the things is

You know scientists see beauty in everything geologist will get excited about literal dirt a marine biologist about a gold fish. When you’re intelligent you see all the bad but also all the good

However it’s easier to see the bad and often times it clouds your view but part of the healing process is starting to see beauty and happiness in the smallest things and I think that’s a journey Dazai is slowly going on.

So I really don’t think intelligence is the issue here and I’m gonna assume you’re an edgy bastard if you say so

I feel like Dazai’s issue is more the environment than anything and the lack of meaningful relationships. I know we clown the scene where he says actually living is okay now 1 day after meeting Chuuya but here is the thing. This might have been the first time he had someone his age who wanted to hang out with him or even less just someone his age who tolerated him. I personally know nothing about his life pre mafia but you can assume it wasn’t a good life if at age 14 you decide the bloody mafia is preferable to wherever you’re at at the moment

In my opinion Mori didn’t encourage it per se but he didn’t try to stop it either I really think that for him he did not expect Dazai would go through with it (again) and /or as cruel as it sounds if he actually did it which Mori didn’t think was likely he had one less rival to worry about but I really think that’s Mori’s reasoning for staying “neutral” for lack of a better word on this issue

That being said I’m sure being surrounded by death and suffering did not do any good for an already depressed 14/15yo

Which leads me to the second point. I really don’t think Mori expected Dazai to leave or tried to make him leave. For Mori Dazai was a powerful asset because of his ability and because of his intelligence that y’all are obsessed with. So why would you want to push that person away and it’s not like he was encouraging him to suicide here which would make much more sense than wanting him to leave.

And I have evidence

I’m gonna start it with: Oda did not die to set an example I don’t think so no. In his conversation with Chuuya he said something like “being a leader means making sacrifices for the well being of the group” or something like that and that’s what he did here.

He sacrifices Oda to get the permit.

The strange thing is I do think Mori meant what he said to Chuuya that he is a leader but also a servant to the mafia he wants the mafia to gain more power and that’s why he did what he did to get the permit.

I do think it could be a lesson to Dazai but not in the “if you cross me this is gonna happen to you” because Oda didn’t cross him Oda didn’t want power he is the last person who was interested in that. I think if anything it was more a lesson as in “when you take over this is something you’ll have to do and I’m showing you how it’s done”

Evidence for that is he was chuckling when he mentioned that possibility that Dazai would kill him and take one someday. And I agree that Mori

Wouldn’t mind if that was better for the Mafia. Like he wouldn’t make it easy for him and he wouldn’t give up but if he is defeated he wouldn’t be angry or annoyed because like I mentioned above I do think he was genuine when he said he is also a servant to the Mafia

My other piece of evidence is that when he showed Dazai the permit he seemed proud of what he’s done. The way he presented it and the entire scenario he seemed proud more than smug. If he really wanted Dazai out I feel like he would’ve been more smug about the whole thing and we know he can do that well.

And obviously there is also the fact he offered him not once but twice to come back. And what’s interesting is that the first time the offer was secret like he sent Gin and Higuchi and it was in a shady ass tunnel

Now the other time is where it gets interesting because it was very public in front of Dazai’s colleagues the black lizard and Fukuzawa.

Now Mori is a smart guy but also he has a sense of pride as we learned so I really don’t think he would risk being humiliated in front of Fukuzawa of all people just to mess with Dazai and he seemed genuinely surprised when Dazai said “you kicked me” and he didn’t offer him to just come back no he offered to be back as an executive and having Dazai decline and clown him in front of Fukuzawa like that I don’t think he would risk that if he was just playing

The thing is Mori is smart but he has tunnel vision in my opinion. He was so focused on getting the permit he forgot that this plan has consequences that aren’t just “we get the permit”

And also one of Mori’s issues is that he never takes into consideration people’s emotions. You can predict human Behavior to a certain degree a lot of times you can know what to

Say or what to do to get a certain result but the thing is humans aren’t algorithms they don’t always operate on logic they have emotions. And these emotions can be so strong that they override any crumb of logic left which is something I think Mori fails to understand. That’s why he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he forgot about the emotional factor.

That’s what Mori lacks but Dazai has and my evidence for this is a scenario we laughed at because it was presented in a funny way but I think that’s something that shows that Dazai is better at this 4D chess game than Mori.

On the Moby Dick he knew that Akutagawa would abandon everything to talk to him. If Dazai only operates by thinking about logical Behavior he wouldn’t have told Atsushi to do this but he realises that the emotional factor is one of the strongest drives humans have.

And you know I think Mori knows that when it comes to 4D chess Dazai would defeat him but he doesn’t mind that he isn’t scared of that. In dead Apple he couldn’t have possibly known the whole business with the pill but he told Chuuya to interfere. Mori has a strange sense of trust towards Dazai even now that they’re part of different sides.

I think Mori is has always been aware that although he says he does Dazai doesn’t actually want to die and I think the scene with the hyper and hypo tension medication in 15 shows this. If you actually want to die why would you Mix medicine with effects that cancel out each other and Mori is a doctor he knows this. That’s why I think he didn’t expect Dazai to commit and that he believes Dazai actually wants to live and because of that he will try and preserve himself and by extension Yokohama which is why he told Chuuya to go in dead apple, which is why he let Akutagawa go on the Moby Dick in season 2 because he realized Dazai wanted him to go there and he trusts Dazai to a certain degree .

I really feel like his underestimated the emotional factor and this will ultimately lead to his downfall. Like he didn’t expect Dazai to leave he wouldn’t expect anyone to react super emotional to god knows what he’ll do and thereby underestimate their response to that which will make him meet his end.

I don’t think the “you kicked me” is Dazai in denial he acted ok emotions or at least that’s not the whole thing. I think that Dazai’s reasoning for saying that is this:

Oda died so Mori can get more power which was part of Mori’s plan all along so looking at the bigger picture it was Mori’s plan and actions who drove me out of the Mafia so he basically “kicked me out”

Also I wanna add that I feel like Mori because he underestimates the emotional factor he doesn’t understand to this day why Dazai left like he knows it’s related to oda he can follow that train of events but in his mind it doesn’t make logical sense why Dazai would do that which is why he didn’t manage to win Dazai over back to The Mafia because in his mind be doesn’t know the logical reason why Dazai left which is also another reason why he was so surprised when Dazai said he kicked him

Also I’d like to add that I really don’t think he felt threatened or wanted to just get rid of him

Dazai was already suicidal so if it would very easy to make it look like that. And like I mentioned before if it was the best choice for the Mafia I really don’t think Mori would be that bothered about being replaced by Dazai.

I also don’t think he thought Dazai would be more useful on the outside because once again why lose a valuable addition like that

And it’s not like

He wanted to use him

As a spy or anything we know that would’ve been arranged differently see Ango

So Mori the logical guy he is wouldn’t want his enemies to have someone with Dazai’s ability because that’s a pain in the ass and also

He wouldn’t want an insider like Dazai to join his enemies and spill all his secrets. Dazai had a very high rank and like I said I don’t think Mori expected him to leave so he had no reason to hide things from

him so even without his ability he would be a very strong asset to the Mafias enemies so there is no way Mori would think he is more useful on the outside since

1. we already said mori has tunnel vision he couldn’t possibly predict that much that he thinks Dazai is better out

2. We established that he isn’t afraid of him

3. He wouldn’t want the ability and the information to fall into his enemies’ hands

4. If he was actually scared and wanted to get rid of him making it seem like suicide or actually driving him to suicide would be much easier especially since mori is a doctor

So yeah this is long thanks if you read until the end it was super fun to write this id love to know what others think I’m sorry if it’s a bit unorganised it’s copied from my notes app

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd Meta #Dazai osamu #osamu dazai #mori ogai #ogai mori #bsd Mafia

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bunchofstraydogs · 3 years

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Dazai Osamu character breakdown as I understand him

Meaning that this might be inaccurate and your opinion and visage of him might differ from mine, which is just fine. We perceive the world and the people around us through our experiences and expectations. I'm curious to know how you guys see a complex character like Dazai, just please respect everyone's opinions.

Warning: Manga plot mentions, s2 spoilers, BEAST light novel spoilers, Dazai Osamu

Dazai Osamu was introduced into the scene of Bungou Stray Dogs at 14 when Mori found him.

Even at that young age, Dazai had suicidal tendencies and had been wrapped in bandages similarly as he is in the present. Already dealing with too much trauma for a child his age, the fire is fuelled as he was forced to bear witness to the death of the Port Mafia boss at the hands of Mori, the person that took him under his wing. To use him; which was becoming very apparent to Osamu if he hadn't been aware since the start. Now, I'm not saying that death of the previous boss left a particular scar on Samu, he even agrees with it and is something he himself would have done. But that that is the scene that bore fruit of the following quotes:

"Or could it be that you're afraid, Mori-san? That one day i will slit your throat and take over as the boss?"

followed by

"Everyone seems suspicious to those who have an axe to grind."

This tells us right away that he can tell what type of person you are just from the way you perceive your surroundings, which is logical, but not something many think too deep into.

Even less who have their evaluations of others on point like he does. And he has to, since Dazai's plan is always to understand his allies, his enemies, possible allies and possible enemies. He also takes into account important neutral parties that can still, in one way or another, affect the outcome of his plans or decide to align with one side out of common interest. After comes realising the main goals, along with side achievements (just in case some of those maim his allies or ruin the future plans he made) of every party. Taking in their morals and motivation, and being familiar with the ground the confrontation will happen on, he now has the view of the whole chess board and it's pieces in his head. He moves his allies in the right places, knowing how they'll react in the situation to come, and awaits the enemies with open fire arms. He was tought to think like that. At all times. Mori made sure of it. You know how specialists never really stop thinking in their areas of expertise, like doctors, for example, will naturally notice people's posture and look for scoliosis or whatever? How your foot hits the floor, if you're walking straight, your knees and shoulders, etc. Same for Dazai. His brain maps out person's expressions, reactions, choices, personality, etc. in great detail. I'm pretty sure he has eidetic memory, if his conversations in manga with Fyodor are anything to go by.

Another thing his brain does is think of worst possible outcomes.

Not in a fear of what if things go wrong, but as a possible route. He uses it to determine how big of a threat the opposing force is and what steps they'll have to take to achieve that. Knowing that, he'll know how to intercept them. Also, like everything else, it's not something he can control since we're talking about thought process here and that's just how his brain works. Can't magically turn that off. It's especially annoying to him when he's genuinely enjoying himself with, let's say, ADA members and then his brain goes brrr.

•"A lot happened recently and we're a torn in many people's eyes." *Tanizaki and Atsushi drinking punch* "There's a possibility, while a small one, about 8% at this very moment, but as time goes on will increase, that an organisation outside of Yokohama decided we're an unavoidable threat and poisoned the drinks. Don't drink that. Nothing will happen, they'll wake up tomorrow in pristine condition don't drink th-"

Yeah, i feel bad for him too.

He has PTSD and insomnia, besides the hectic brain,

so he's not getting proper amount of rest. Actually, he drinks almost every night by himself at home. Pretty sure it's canon as well, because if you search for a picture of him in his room, you'll see him surrounded by multiple bottles. Two of the PTSD symptoms are hallucinations and night terrors (no, that is not the same as a nightmare). What people usually do is use opium to cause hallucinations in a safe environment so that there's little chance of them happening uncontrolled. He's probably using alcohol to numb himself while he's reminiscing, since if he does still have hallucinations after years having passed by (which isn't impossible), they're probably few and far between. Not saying there's no chance he isn't using opium. He would know where to get what he needs, after all.

Osamu's haunted by his own actions as well, not just by trauma caused to him.

At an uncountable amount of occasions, he found himself looking into a mirror and not really comprehending his image. It was like dissociation. Looking through a fog at what's supposed to be your carbon copy, but not knowing all of your features perfectly, so whatever you're seeing could only be an impostor, yet you're not sure because that would take comprehending physical proof of your life to the fullest and how it works and he just... can't. He can but he doesn't want to. He already knows he's despicable and broken, doesn't really feel the need to see just how much. He can't, for all his perfect memory, remember the faces of the people he has killed. He hadn't even seen all of them, but he was responsible for their demise. Causing havoc and misfortune in general through other crimes besides murder as well. We've seen his expression when he listened in on Atsushi talking to Kyouka over the earpiece how the 35 deaths don't matter anymore. He knows they do and he knows that the change of heart won't justify what he's they've done. Ango thought him to value each life. But he also knows that even murderers can change and become good. Oda did that. It's also what's keeping him in the agency.

When Oda died, his last words mentioned that Dazai doesn't care about good or bad and that was correct for Dazai Osamu back then. I genuinely think that his present self does mind the difference.

He believes in necessary evil and will do dark shit to get the good outcome he's envisioned.

He doesn't separate outlaws and lawful people, however.

He knows that generally speaking, the line is thin and easy to cross and that many were born or forced into the situations they are. Those that fight the life thrown at them are an exception, not a rule. That's also why he likes Atsushi, probably the main reason. The boy has every right to hate the world and yet. Dazai is envious, he doesn't really have the same capacity.

I want now to talk about why does Dazai Osamu do what Dazai Osamu does.

The reason he attempts suicide, joined the mafia, made friends at all, is because for all his intelligence and observations, ability to understand others, he doesn't really understand himself.

He doesn't understand his worth. He doesn't understand his purpose. In all of that confusion, he finds no reason to live. He laughs but can't get the high, he bruises but can't fully heal. In all of the things people find happiness in he can't feel joy from. He is emotionally stunted. He thinks too logically. He doesn't understand actions out of emotions because to him, it doesn't make sense. Emotions cloud your mind and when you're not thinking straight, you make mistakes. Plain and simple. He just accepts it, that most people simply cannot control themselves and prefer lashing out instead of methodical approach. All the better for him, he has leverage. Even when he does act on impulse, which is incredibly rare and not as explosive and dramatic, his brain rationalises it as to why his actions were a good way to go. And if his reaction was one that bore fruit, than it was a tactical one.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you're exposed to raw violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man's true nature. I though that way i could find a reason to live somehow."

From this, i can tell that he was hoping that, in a situation where he's pushed far enough, he'd realise what's important to him, what he wants to protect or destroy, what's one thing he wouldn't want to leave unsettled before dying. What is that one thing he'd regret dying before achieving? What should he fight death for. What is worth living on for? To him, it doesn't matter if that something is good or evil as long as he gets to keep it in his life.

It seems he hadn't found it exactly, but is satisfied with what he has for now, in the agency, to just keep going. But he still tries to commit suicide, hoping that one day, when the clear picture of the world around him is fading away, when he's becoming light headed from the lack of oxygen, when he's loosing control over his body and thoughts don't seem to flow well, there will be one thing, anyone, screaming at him to fight it. New day new chances. It didn't happen today, better luck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomo-.

Now, like Mori, Dazai feels the need to, at all times, be in control of the situation. Including people.

That means no one, but perhaps Ranpo due to his own abnormal intellect, is aware of their own role. They know their mission, but they're not expecting to be given that particular one because they'll come across an obstacle they would react to in a way that would satisfy Osamu's plans.

Dazai Osamu is more of a chemist, than a chess player, if you ask me.

Throwing different people into the mix, under different conditions at different times and is noting down their reactions in safe surrounding if possible, so that when the time calls for it, he'll be able to make a perfect concoction for the predicament. A chemist and his substances; A chess player and his pawns; A puppeteer and his puppets. Now, Dazai is meticulous and never rash, but like everyone else (except effin Lovecraft what is he even) he's only human and he bleeds when he falls down and humans aren't perfect. He isn't always right. That means he makes mistakes. The issue with big shot players that control the board is that, when they fall down, everyone on their side crashes and burns as well. So the day Dazai fucks up everyone else will follow because of lack of insight on their part that's completely out of their control. All it takes is for him to underestimate or overestimate one person and chaos ensues. There is no such thing as happy little accidents small mistakes for someone like him. I have crippling anxiety and a sole thought that one hiccup could blow up in everyone's face... damn. I would try committing suicide myself. But it's his fault, he brought upon himself an obligation and pressure like that. To be fair, it was Mori that drilled that type of thinking where no one should know what you plan because they can't ruin what they don't know If they turn against you, they can't stop you.

For his own sake, and everyone else's, Dazai needs to learn how to show his cards and share the burden.

Again, going back to the emotionally stunted guy that has commitment issues (where he either can't commit or can't let go) trope.

He never outright does something good for someone where people would acknowledge it, he uses his underhanded tactics here as well.

He casually makes himself look like a bad guy, an asshole, to conveniently move attention from the inner turmoil a person is struggling with to a present problem at hand that they can fix and let their frustrations out on. But he hopes that, one day, someone just might notice his intentions for what they are and do the unspeakable- see through him.

"I'm a very private person. You don't ask, i don't tell."

Yes, and your whole existence is just a huge cry for help. He wants to be asked. He's begging for attention. A specific type of attention. One that will see him without making him feel imposed on. One that will understand his sins without making a big deal out of it. Accept him as a person he is, makes him feel like one as well. Makes him feel alive. Makes him feel... period.

The day he finds that thing is the day he completely turns his life around and fully dedicates to it. It's where the part of not being able to let go commitment issue ensues.

Since Oda's death he's been secretly keeping an eye out on possible ways to bring him back. If you've read Beast AU you know that when Dazai gets his hands on the book, he'll create a universe where Oda doesn't die. Should he find an ability user that can bring back the dead, just tell him what it will take, he's ready to destroy his own soul for it and if that isn't enough, well, he'll have no hesitation ruining theirs. After all, BEAST!Dazai Osamu never actually met Odasaku, he just had the memories he'd gotten from his canon self and that was enough for him to do everything he did.

He's incredibly selfish and has a weird come in but the door is a wall dynamic he rolls with in his self imposed solitude.

It's like the walls of the space in my brain are ugly and terrifying, so i closed off the entrance to keep myself in. I'm doing you a favour but please break the wall down and tell me it's okay to come out i don't want to be here-

Happy little thoughts woah woah yeah~

That's what i got from what I've seen of him. I may have missed some things, some things might prove to be wrong as the series progress further, but yeah.

There is, however, one more thing i want to put out here. Since Dazai was already like this before Mori found him, that begs to question as to why? What happened to him?

Now, since the characters are based on real people, is it crazy to say that Dazai Osamu has had a horrible childhood because of his father? Real life Dazai was terrified of his dad and was very intimidated by him. He always tried to stay in his good graces out of fear of punishment. Neither of his parents felt like a parent to him, actually. His father didn't care and his mother was often ill, but did care for him when she could. Both of them died eventually.

This could be the plot Kafka based Dazai's background on, but we'll have to wait and see.

#dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #bsd #meta #dazai osamu headcanon #dazai osamu headcanons #hc #hcs #psychoanalysis

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cainmachado · 2 years

Text

Double Black

As a quick note here that I couldn’t really place anywhere without it being extremely short and breaking the overall flow of thought that I have, I want to say that I really enjoy the dynamic between John Steinbeck and H.P Lovecraft, John plays off of Lovecraft’s weirdness really well and they are a powerful duo. Unluckily for them, they had to face the de facto power duo of the series. Tanizaki and Kunikida.

This covers what I read from chapter 16 all the way into chapter 37, finalizing the arc for the Guild. As I said in my first analysis, I am caught up with the series and will use of knowledge outside of the manga here and there. This was a lot more than last time and should be significantly longer, but I feel like it comes with the series, a story so rich in characters and themes is going to generate long analysis. Also, I like to talk about the things that I like, so yeah. Let’s get on with it.

Koyou motherly feelings

All these titles are based on what I wrote down as notes for what I felt like talking about, so some of them will be direct like this one, others will sound poetic, other will be a joke. All that aside, let’s talk about how parental figures project their own pains and experiences with life down on the children they are supposed to raise, shall we?

I don’t think I can come here and say that Koyou’s feelings are false or anything like that, I truly believe she has a motherly attachment to Kyouka, however due to her life in the mafia and the dark side of Yokohama she can’t really teach anything other than what she experienced. A man tried to take her away from that life of darkness and she was punished for it, she saw the light but it burnt her. So, from that she gets the idea that people like her will get burnt by the light if they try to live in it, and she sees a lot of herself in Kyouka and she tries to protect her by keeping her in the darkness. She knows it’s a bad thing, but in her eyes it’s the lesser of two evils.

As we all are aware, that is not the case. Why, ever since she came to the Agency Kyouka has felt a lot of affection and overall happiness from being with people that care for her and that see her as more than something to be used. From what we can tell, the only one who showed any affection to Kyouka was Koyou herself. But in Koyou’s mind it’s not a “it happened to me; it might happen to you.” situation. It’s a “It happened to me which is why it will happen to you.” To Koyou Kyouka is walking a line too close to what she experienced, she sees in Atsushi the man that dragged her to the light only to get hurt in the process. You see, it’s not about the former boss punishing her by killing the man, well it kinda is, but I will explain it in a second. It’s about the man dragging her to the light, giving her a glimpse of what could be only to be tragically cut down before anything can be done. Atsushi is that man. So, while she hates the former boss of the Port Mafia for what he did, she cares little as to who will cut down Atsushi, only that he will die and that it will harm Kyouka.

In trying so hard to protect Kyouka, she brings the pain she is trying to prevent with her. She has good intentions, I’m sure, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. In her mind if Kyouka experiences what she experienced she will see the truth of this world, that people like them are not meant for the light. This is proven wrong later on, with Kyouka finally passing on the entrance test for the ADA.

This kind of attitude is not uncommon on parents around the world, it comes from a sense that what we experienced is the undeniable truth and, therefore, will be the truth for their children. You see this in a more controlled and healthy form when parents say “don’t do that, you will hurt yourself.” They have experienced it in the past, so they know that there is a chance the child will get hurt. Then we have examples like Koyou, from who every single bit of traumatic experience becomes the undeniable truth and the child must learn that truth even if it’s non-appliable. Atsushi isn’t going to die, Kyouka isn’t going to get burnt by light by his or the ADA’s actions. She learns this eventually and accepts that it’s the best for Kyouka.

Akutagawa vs Nathaniel

The desperation for Dazai’s approval

This one is interesting, as Nathaniel himself does a brief analysis of Akutagawa when they first meet, recognizing him as the Devil, to which our edgy boy confirms that he is in fact the Devil. But this changes during the course of the fight, as now Nathaniel sees him as a beast that bares his fangs only towards the weak, stating that he “only fights ability users weaker than him.” Which we could argue about. Up until now his fights have been one brief fight with Kunikida, which ended with Kunikida escaping (this happens in Kunikida’s novel I believe), one with Gide, several with Atsushi of whom has less experience as an ability user and fighter overall, but who can punish Akutagawa’s frail body. So yeah, it’s kinda true. You could argue that all the ADA members have a boost from the president’s ability, but it wouldn’t really matter. With Gide’s case he actually faced a stronger opponent and caught an L, only to be saved by Oda.

Yet Akutagawa is a wild dog, he will throw himself against all kinds of enemies only to prove himself as strong. As for him his strength is never enough, he needs to get to a level where even Dazai is left speechless, and, as we will learn in the future, he is in a hurry to do so as he will die of his lung illness. This put a timer on him and a greater level of desperation, as he feels his entire life will be invalid if he can’t prove to Dazai his strength and overall growth when compared to Atsushi. He had a problem before, but after Dazai mentioned Atsushi, it got to a whole new level.

This is seen in his dialogue as he mentions that he’s always been weak and that defeat and humiliation walk hand in hand with him. Akutagawa has been fated to never be satisfied with his power, no matter how big it is, no matter what enemy he takes down, it will never be enough. This is what Dazai was talking about when talking to Oda about teaching Aku “how to sheathe his blade”. Dazai went with it the wrong way, but he was right in this need to teach him how to control these impulses.

Now onto Mitchell’s sacrifice. This is the part that I wish that she and Nathaniel had more screen time in this arc, because while I could buy that they were comrades I never got the feeling that they were “die for each other” kind of person. But it was sad and will come back in a future point.

Tanizaki take me to church

This is kinda brief and the title explains what I’m on about, but let’s talk about Jun’ichiro’s dedication to Naomi. Interesting theories aside, let’s consider them as two incestuous siblings for the moment, to see a brother doing everything in his power for his sister is a trope in manga that is common to say the least. But here we have one that clearly states that he worships his sister to the point where even the ADA’s morals and the world as a whole don’t matter.

While I believe that John feels the same way about his family, he probably wouldn’t put it in the same words as Tanizaki did. He is said to like the Holy Scriptures after all, I don’t believe he would go comparing other people to God. Not a problem for Tanizaki however, it comes to him as easy as breathing. And let’s think about his plan for a while because I am sure he didn’t put that much thought into it.

What if the truck hit him or Kunikida? What if the truck was a gasoline truck and exploded, like they often do, upon crashing? Did he care about the wellbeing of Kunikida? I don’t think so. Tanizaki is certainly one of the most interesting characters as far as determination goes, he is willing to walk through hell and pick flowers for a bouquet if it meant keeping Naomi happy.

Atsushi and the need to protect

From his flashbacks, and from some dialogue from the Beast novel, we are led to understand that Atsushi has a deep need in him to protect other people as it was instilled in him by the director of the orphanage (we will get to this lampshade head bitch on the next one), telling him that if he can’t protect anyone than he is worthless. This is what leads Atsushi to fight with all he’s got for the new people in his life. That is all good. Here is where we see this backfire.

Under Q’s influence he attacks Naomi and Haruno, hitting one in the back of the head and strangling the other all while believing that they were under Q’s influence. On his eyes, to protect them, he had to get them down so he could go for Q, but once he realized this he went into a breakdown, all this power that he had to protect others was used against the very ones he was supposed to protect.

Behold! This is who I am right now! Such is my power! In order to prove the people in his past wrong all it took was a push for him to get himself drunk on power, of course, he wouldn’t do or say those things without Q. But with the right push, there he was, letting his innermost desires run rampant.

This desire to protect, to be strong is what makes him weak in the first place. Think about it, the moment something doesn’t go Atsushi’s way he gets a Naruto flashback to the orphanage for the director to tell him how much he sucks. He is shackled to that place and to those words, the damage inflicted on him was so big that even with the slap and the advice from Dazai he continues to doubt himself. It won’t go away, such is trauma.

His failure to establish his power to protect is what drives him to go after said power. He also seems to dwell on thoughts of him being a calamity to those around him, destined to destroy what he touches. Gotta say, whatever the director’s plan was for Atsushi it sure worked, huh champ? He criticizes Akutagawa for being unable to see his own power, but he fails to do the same thing for himself. Something I will touch later on.

Francis and the need to protect

This is a bit of a short one, but it was good character development and I don’t want to skip over it. He goes about it the wrong way, what with the “I own you, so it’s my right/duty to protect you.” But at the very least he develops a sense of duty towards the people that fight with him, he wants to avoid them all being defeated by the enemies and end up like Mitchell. For someone who only seemed to care about getting the book and bringing his daughter back to life, he sure went out of his way to guarantee that they would all be protected.

Shame the plan would have killed millions of people according to Wikipedia. But it did show that Fitzgerald was willing to protect the life of others instead of just exploiting them. Something small that came kinda late, on purpose by Asagiri no doubt, but that speaks for his character. Also let me just add that Fitzgerald is one of the most fun villains I’ve seen.

God exists, but he doesn’t love you

Another short one, but this line was soooooooo good and it did a lot for Q’s character. The whole situation makes you think about how they grew up, how their ability first came into play, how they handled it and how long it took to break them. It’s as simple as Steinbeck’s says, it’s an existence that no god could have wanted, at least not the one he believes in. We get physically hurt by other people very constantly when we are young, be it by playing around, by getting into fights or just doing any team activity in general. Q didn’t have any of that, they were given a burden to bear from such a young age and they are only thirteen.

It’s really no wonder that the kid went insane, anyone else would.

Soukoku

The most anticipated part for me when reading again through this arc was this part, I remember reading through it the first time and loving every second of this team up, the way they bicker with each other, how they are plain childish around each other, the trust that they share. Their bond is formed by trusting each other with their lives without a second to doubt it, that’s not the kind of thing that just comes to you, it needs to be built.

There really isn’t much I can say that hasn’t already been said, I can say that they are the perfect duo who despite their problems work together perfectly, which has already been said, I can say that they are gay as hell, also been said. So, so many times. But allow me to talk about the building part of this entire process, I will be talking strictly about the manga and what I have seen from the anime. On the process of reading Fifteen and never read Stormbringer, so can’t say much about their interactions there, but reading it, it just radiates of history.

How long where they partners for? Must have been a very long time given how they even have names for operations to do in the middle of battle, how they know they can have time to play around, although that is mostly Dazai. What kind of missions did they go on? We get a glimpse of that in the Dead Apple movie, but I honestly don’t remember much and aren’t going to go off of that alone. Their chemistry is just perfect, it gives the feeling of old friends really well even though they will never call each other friend.

And Tainted. Fucking Tainted. A technique that could only work with Dazai there, something that should never be unleashed without his presence just came into the conversation so naturally. No “I hate to consider this option.” Or “This is our only shot.” Just casually mentioning that they have one option and going for it there’s one page and a half of them talking about it while other mangas would give you the long explanation about the ability before even talking about using it. You know the ones. “We have to use your secret technique. You know, the secret technique you’re never supposed to use, the technique that entails…”

Soukoku is a thing of beauty.

Poe is gay as hell

That’s it. There is nothing else to add here.

Shin Soukoku

About this one I have a lot to talk about, because when I first saw it, I hated it. Why team up a perfectly good loner with Atsushi? But reading again (and knowing of future events) made me reconsider this. As I mentioned before Atsushi notices that Akutagawa never notices his own strength, that it’s never enough for him and that the same is valid for him. Well, Akutagawa has his own brand of this.

He says that Atsushi never notices the things he already has, that he was pretty much gifted them, he has Dazai’s approval, has friends that trust and believe in him and… Yeah, Akutagawa, you kinda have that too, but you focus too much on the one thing that’s lacking. He has Higuchi, Gin, the Black Lizards, Mori’s approval, Chuuya’s approval, pretty much the whole Port Mafia recognizes how strong he is and he doesn’t notice it. I won’t go in on how the abuse at the hands of Dazai made him who he is now, I feel like I have already made myself clear with the first one.

But I will say this, both recognize a flaw in the other that they also possess and they both see in the other the one thing that they feel they are lacking. Atsushi sees in Akutagawa the strength that he doesn’t have, Akutagawa’s ability is perfect for a more defensive and supportive role while also being able to deal some damage, which is what Atsushi wants. Notice that he never throws himself in harm’s way, only when he has to protect someone else. Atsushi’s ability is strictly offensive, sure he can block blows from others, but not as well as Akutagawa can.

Akutagawa does a good job showing that he has an offensive power, that’s what Atsushi notices. And Atsushi has received praise and recognition from Dazai himself, Akutagawa heard it with his own two ears. He attributes Atsushi’s happiness not to the other contributing factors, but only to Dazai, because that is what happiness would constitute in Akutagawa’s mind.

At this point in the story, they don’t have much of a dynamic other than “I hate you, but we gotta do this.” Which is fine and works well for what it is shown and it will gain more as time goes on, and we were given Chuuya and Dazai to have a certain idea of how things could work out between them in the future, but for now there is only hatred and maybe a slight touch of respect for the strength that the other holds.

And as Fitzgerald said, they are very similar. I think that is the main point of difference between SSKK and SKK, while Chuuya and Dazai work really well together they have more differences than similarities, both in personality and in beliefs, but you know, opposites attract each other and they work because of that. I feel that in Shin Soukoku’s case it’s different, yeah, they are really different from one another, but they are linked by their past experiences, struggles and desires. In one way or another, both want to hear the words that will set their shackles free, the main difference for Atsushi is that he will never get to hear these words from the director of the orphanage as we find out in a few chapters.

#bsd #bsd chuuya #bsd atsushi #bsd dazai #bsd tanizaki #bsd akutagawa #bsd koyou #bsd kyouka #bsd fitzgerald

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shoichee · 3 years

Note

hi ! <3 I Absolutely luv your scenarios!:) Can I request for the pregnant s/o scenario with Midorima & Murasakibara ? :o Thank you :D

HELLO <333 wahhh tysm for reading, and i hope you’re still around lurking here to see this, my anon <33 also, i did write these in headcanon formats but please PLEASE let me know if you wanted scenarios and i’ll whip up scenarios :>

Pregnant S/O with Midorima, Murasakibara

Note: I am also writing this hc under the premise that the S/O has been dating with them for quite some time and is practically settled with them

Part 1 here

Midorima Shintarou

How He Found Out

i would believe for him to always, always use protection whenever he ends up having sex with you, and make sure you’re on birth control to prevent such an occurence

for a pregnancy to even happen, these conditions need to happen: 1.) he needs to be 100% sure that the two of you will be together for a very, VERY long time enough to not freak out about contraceptives or at least toy with the idea of not use any in the back of his mind and 2.) you somehow riled him up so much that he let it slide once/twice and go condom-free (whether you were on birth control or not that��s up to you, but he’d assume you were)

well, it turns out that during one of those rare moments of unprotected sex, you got pregnant, and now here you are with a positive stick in your hand squinting at it and scratching your head that you were either incredibly lucky or unlucky to get pregnant out of those few times you two went raw

how were you gonna tell him? well, he was a traditional man, so you simply set up a small, cute surprise for him when he gets back home

y’know, balloons in the living room and a little wrapped gift on the cleared table… it would send the message across… you think

hours passed and you were on the sofa twiddling your thumbs like a preschooler on timeout LOL and you didn’t want to go anywhere in case Midorima comes home early

your instincts were right because an hour later, he comes home utterly exhausted, immediately thinking about being roundabout in asking to snuggle with you

but then he freezes when his shoe stepped and POPPED one of the balloons you scattered around prior, and it scared him SHITLESS

he almost dropped his lucky claypot. almost.

“(y/n), what is going on?!”

he thinks it’s one of your antics and pranks as usual, and he immediately sighs exasperatedly at the thought of cleaning the mess up

“Seriously, I can never leave you alone in this house, nanodayo…” and as he shuffles through the floor, trying to avoid the rest of the clutter you caused, he notices you sitting primly on the couch (and giving him a poorly-concealed smile)

“Shintaro! I didn’t know you’d come home so soon~”

“Well, everyone was being annoying as usual, and most of the work has been done for today. I might as well come home to spend the rest of the day with you… obviously.”

you were so obvious, your eyes flitting back to the gift on the table and back to him, and Midorima doesn’t know whether to roll his eyes or laugh

“I’m assuming this is all for me,” he sighed, trying to hide his smile. “I don’t recall any special occasion for today, though.”

oh, your face just grew the biggest shit-eating grin at his words

“Is that so?~” you feigned with a sing-song voice

at your insistence on him opening the present right now, he swiftly pulls the ribbon apart and opens the box to see your positive test

MIDORIMA.EXE has stopped working

“W-W-W-What is that?!”

“A pregnancy test.”

“Whose?!”

“... Mine?”

“Wait, how?! With who??”

“Uh…” You stared at him incredulously. “You?”

MIDORIMA.EXE is failing to reboot

you were pointing at yourself and Midorima to further try to get the POINT ACROSS to this poor man who’s trying to process this OFBEJDIWHRIE

but you stopped your hand motions when you see the purest smile slowly growing on Midorima’s normally stoic face

YOU.EXE has stopped working

he brings you into a tight embrace and for a while you two hug in silence, enjoying each other’s company

“So uh, I’m pregnant,” you said, your words slightly muffled by his shirt

“Yes, I am quite well aware now,” he replied dryly, but his eyes are quite affectionate

“I hope you realize that this is a huge responsibility, (y/n).”

“Hey! I know that it’s a big deal! Come on, who do you take me for?”

“... Right.”

During Pregnancy

the first thing he does was take you to the doctor’s just to find out when you were going to deliver

“What? Why?” you asked him

“I must know our child’s horoscope sign as soon as possible,” he said seriously. “We have to make sure they’re born with no misfortunes attached to them.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

MIDORIMA PLEASE-

okay, but he’d also ask the doctor diligently on what you should be doing and what he should be doing to ensure a successful delivery

Midorima is deadass budget-version doctor at home

it’s that one meme where you go:

“Hey mom can we have a doctor?”

Mom: “We already have a doctor at home.”

Doctor at home: Midorima Shintarou

JOKES aside, he really is knowledgeable on this entire ordeal, which is a blessing and a curse

you could always come to him to rely on him when you’re unsure of something or for him to deal with your moodiness

but at the same time, you can’t get away with snacking on abhorrent things because he’d SNATCH them off your hands and scold you for being irresponsible LOLOL

you could NEVER sneak off unhealthy food because he’s ALWAYS somehow there to catch you or he eventually finds out later and still give you an earful

you still try to do it again anyways

then there’s that side of Midorima where he’d stuff the entire house with bundles of lucky items because he insists on buying two lucky items for you and the kid every day during your pregnancy… all so you can “maximize” your chances of having a successful delivery

you’re sobBING, it’s so CUTE BUT SO DUMB

did I mention that he’s already started on building the nursery and decorating it in ALL sorts of lucky charms and adorable plushies under the guise of “being safe and making the room lucky”

he rarely lets you step out of the house, but if you have to, he’ll always make the time for you so he can accompany you and just glower at anyone who looks at you the wrong way

surprisingly, he’s a lot more lenient on the PDA during your pregnancy: LOTS of hand-holding, chaste kisses on your head/forehead and maybe cheeks, and he does often hug you from the side to protect you

if you bring it up to him though, he’ll deny it to the VERY end and insists that he only does it so you don’t get moody and snap at random strangers passing by, and then it’ll be a hassle to deal with them

yeah right, Midorima

Murasakibara Atsushi

How He Found Out

when you first found out, you decided to hide it from him until you can figure out how to go about your pregnancy

1.) he didn’t seem like the type who can handle kids, let alone even like them

2.) you’re worried about how he’d react considering that he has a “devil-may-care” attitude and has quite a languid view on most things, even to this day

you underestimated Murasakibara though because when you first initially excused yourself to the restroom the first few times, he assumed that you were having too many sweets and barred you from consuming them until you got better

but you didn’t… in fact, you looked even sicker as the days progressed

that was when Murasakibara got suspicious and started paying attention to you and your behavior

when he gets serious, he’s incredibly sharp and intuitive

even still, he doesn’t know if he should confront you or wait until you tell him, because you’ve always been the “big pants” in the relationship, for lack of better terms

so he waits and observes, but he still acts just as normally as any other day, and you, on the other hand, thought you were able to successfully hide this from him

still, when you keep up this sneaky behavior around him, he slowly doubts himself about if he did anything wrong, if he forgot anything important, or if you’re doubting this relationship ???

but he’s not going to admit it to you, so he’s going to casually call Himuro and voice his concerns in such a roundabout way

Himuro immediately understands what he’s trying to ask and simply tells him to talk it out with you

ofc, Murasakibara just huffs and complains about it being so troublesome, but Himuro, smiles, knowing him better that he was going to do it despite his verbal complaints

when asking you if he did anything “wrong” and such, you immediately shake your head and deny it all to ease his worries, and you tell him that it wasn’t anything like what he imagined

at your words, Murasakibara was relieved but at the same time, if these weren’t the problems, why were you acting so strange?

like when you kept oversleeping, kept rushing to the bathroom early mornings, or when you even turned down his offer of going to the grocery store, bakery, and the confectionery store together multiple times simply because you said that you didn’t have the energy

he finally confronted after a few weeks of dodging on your end, draping his entire body over you from behind and placing his chin on top of your head

“Chibi-chin…” he mumbled. “You’ve been acting really weird for the past few weeks. Talk to me.”

you only sighed as you turn around and embrace Murasakibara, and then separated from him to put distance between the two of you as you make eye contact with him

you resigned yourself to tell him the truth because he was going to find it sooner or later, considering that you’ve developed a small bump… so far, you’ve passed off your stomach size as a “food baby” and “gaining weight, I guess,” but you knew you couldn’t use that excuse forever

but before you can utter out a single word, dizziness hits you like a truck, making you completely lose balance before you legit fainted on the spot

poor Murasakibara expresses one of his rare moments of absolute distress as he lunged forward to catch you before you fell to the floor

he’s dialing Himuro because he has no idea what to do and he’s absolutely PANICKING and thinking of the worst-case scenarios of what happened to you

Murasakibara was READY TO CALL THE AMBULANCE AND EVERYTHING but Himuro managed to calm him down enough to reason that it’s better to bring you by car

after all, Himuro had an inkling of an idea of what happened to you, but like a little shit, he’s not gonna tell Murasakibara because seeing him so openly expressive like that was a guilty pleasure for him

POOR MURASAKIBARA

he’s constantly holding you in the car like his life is on the line, and Himuro is just driving and looking straight ahead mentally cackling and wondering how he’s gonna escape his wrath if Murasakibara ever finds out that he knew but didn’t tell him

imagine a distraught giant busting through the doors carrying an unconscious you with a model-like guy trailing behind and pushing the giant to the side to try to coherently talk to the disoriented receptionists

what a life

the doctor merely just says that you fainted and it wasn’t serious, and Murasakibara doesn’t believe them ONE BIT

but he notices Himuro walking over to the doctor’s ear and whispering something, before they had an “ah-ha!” moment, and then right on cue, they had you moved to a different room for testing

poor giant is so agitated, constantly shaking his leg on the floor while he’s sitting in the waiting room, jeez HIMURO PLEASE GIVE HIM A BREAK

“Congratulations! She’s pregnant!”

“Huh.”

“Aren’t you her special someone?”

“Indeed, Atsushi is!” Himuro answers for him with a wink

Murasakibara needs to p r o c e s s this

after a while, you groggily stroll out the room like nothing happened, but still you had a frown on your face because you didn’t want Murasakibara to find out about your pregnancy this way

the car ride home was so AWKWARDLY SILENT

when you both get home, he gets SO PETTY AND CHILDISH AND HUFFS AWAY AND REFUSES TO TALK TO YOU

you try to coax him with kisses, hugs, and tickles, but he’s not budging one bit

even snacks didn’t move him… even though he did eye them for a bit before he turned away

“Atsushiiii,” you whined. “Talk to meeee, I’m sorry.” and there you go pouting and trying to squish his cheeks to get him to give up

he looks at you with an uncharacteristically serious look when he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me, Chibi-chin?”

and here you are, reluctantly explaining your reasons, and Murasakibara is just frowning because he’s thinking about how he needs to get his shit together so you don’t ever think that you can’t rely on him again

lots of wholesome cuddling to make it all up to him

“So… Chibi-chin.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m… gonna be a dad?”

“Yeah.”

and he gives you the brightest smile he’s had since the game against the Jabberwocks, except it was much more intimate and sweeter

During Pregnancy

does Murasakibara have any idea on how to deal with pregnancy? no, but to be fair, most people aren’t prepared anyways

he keeps forgetting that he can’t just give you sweets and snacks willy-nilly anymore because that’d be horrible for the you and the child

but he’s always giving them to you out of habit LOL, but of course, usually you turn his snacks down and remind him that you can’t eat them anymore

except when you have ungodly cravings and just accept his offerings without a complaint

and then Murasakibara feels like something feels off before he realizes you’re tearing off the packaging and ready to shove the entire biscuit into your mouth—

from that point on, he’s a lot more diligent in keeping the processed foods away from you

whenever Himuro stops by to help you out, Murasakibara REFUSES to forget what he did before and he glares daggers at him with every chance he gets, and both you and Himuro ignore him and are having your own conversations about the child AND MURASAKIBARA JUST SULKS IN THE CORNER ALL ANGRY—

he’s so petty and he’s so pouty, and honestly he is the one that becomes clingy during your pregnancy

whenever you shop for baby essentials to prepare, he’s always tailing after you like a lost puppy and trying to learn and understand the baby basics(????), while also doubling as your bodyguard

I mean, who would want to mess with you while there’s a purple titan RIGHT there?

still, you get a huge kick when you see people’s shocked expressions at seeing this gigantic man in the baby sections/aisles following around

you noticed, especially during your later trimesters, that he’s even gentler in how he handles and touches you, and it’s super cute that he’s so conscious about his size and strength around you

your heart is LITERALLY melting

you don’t think he even realizes that himself

but still, Murasakibara has to literally grit his teeth to stop himself from glaring/snapping back at you when your mood swings get really bad

how much do you want to bet that Murasakibara makes you buy extra baby food just to try it?

he’d probably even make you taste test it with him

he says it’s so the baby can eat the best brands out there and doesn’t have to eat the shitty food, but you think that he’s just eating it for fun and you tell him not to spoil the baby so early like that

he leaves the decorations and actual planning up to you though, even though he’ll be right behind you as you do it… he just finds it tiring and too complex sometimes

if you send him on grocery errands and things like that, he’d actually get up and do it without a complaint

if it was all for you and his child’s sake, he’ll do anything… after all, it’s the least he can do to be a dependable father

#knb #knb fic #knb fics #knb headcanons #kuroko no basket #midorima x reader #midorima shintarou #midorima shintaro #midorima shintarou x reader #murasakibara atsushi #murasakibara #murasakibara x reader #murasakibara atsushi x reader #pregnancy headcanon #knb scenarios #anon

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along-came-atsushi · 3 years

Note

What made you ship dazatsu ? Besides this, can you tell me how you'll see their romantic - and sexuality if you're okay with that - relationship ? And, love your work ! Hope you're okay and safe !

- What made you ship Dazatsu?

That was a somewhat slow process, after I watched the anime for a second time. The first time I watch a show, I always look at things in a neutral way, and don’t go immediately to the possible shippings, or immediately interpret an interaction as romantic. And tbh, I didn’t like Dazai that much at first, because I thought he was too overrated in the fandom X”D But after I got to know him better, I quickly began to like him.

Overall, Dazai’s and Atsushi’s interactions was something I liked the most, because they both help and learn from each other, and are protective with each other, and then there are all these funny scenes with them. Then I found the fandom with all these funny incorrect quotes, nice fanarts and fanfics and that’s what got me doomed to be a Dazatsu shipper.

- How do you see their romantic and sexual relationship?

I think I somewhat answered some things in this post, how I see their romantic relationship. For a recap of that: I think it’s Dazai who realizes his romantic feelings first and Atsushi who needs a little bit more time for this. And I do have the headcanon that they are not an actual couple yet, but have mutual feelings for each other. Due to the current circumstances it’s not possible to form a relationship yet. And I think this will still take a good while, because they both don’t think the other has the same feelings. Dazai doesn’t see himself as a good person (and therefore not worthy of being Atsushi’s partner) and also that he thinks that as soon as he would get that, it will be taken away from him (e.g. the possibility of Atsushi dying). And Atsushi deals with his lack of self-awareness. He thinks he isn’t fit for Dazai or that Dazai would never like him in that way.

When it comes to their sexual relationship, I imagine they would both take their time for this, and, tbh, I imagine their first time to be very funny XD I personally also believe that Dazai has zero experience in this, which I explained in this post. I do think that his womanizer “hobby” is just an act, done out of other reasons than actually having interest in the women he flirts with, and that he wants people to have a wrong idea of him. (But hey, that might be a completely wrong interpretation on my part and it comes out that he really has one-night-stands every Saturday and at least 80 ex-girlfriends. But that’s just my honest interpretation of him so far ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

I hope this answers your questions! ^.^ Thanks for you compliment! <3 Stay safe, too!

#Dazatsu #Dazushi #osamu dazai bsd #atsushi nakajima bsd #Dazai x Atsushi #Q&A #my headcanons

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terriblesportsimagines · 4 years

Note

Hello love great to see you back! Can I have a All Out!! With Taira,Miyuki,Zanba with preg S/O and how they with there new born baby

Taira Tadakazu

A more enthusiastic father there could never be. This guy is ESTATIC that you are pregnant, so proud he brags to everyone about how amazing you are and how amazing his baby is

He’s also the most supportive partner ever. Does everything you want, and does a ton of research so he can anticipate everything. He probably knows more about pregnancy than you do LOL

Gives the best foot and back rubs and never flinches at the more disgusting pregnancy cravings you have. Scolds a bit about staying healthy but always caves quickly lol

He goes to every one of your doctor’s appointments/scans. Like, he gets in trouble at work because he’s always taking time off for it. Gives 0 fucks and will beg forgiveness rather than miss being there for you.

He’s your stalwart companion through the birth. Holds your hands, not even flinching if you squeeze too hard, doesn’t pay attention to your threats or curses. Even helps the nurses or doctor if he needs to. Nothing about your body scares him or grosses him out.

When the baby comes he’s the proudest papa that ever lived. Sends all his friends and family pictures and texts about the baby. He’s one of those near-obnoxious over-sharers lol

Is determined to do everything for the baby he can – changes diapers, cleans everything, stays up with you and gets up in the middle of the night as much as he can.

To say that he is a huge part of baby’s life is an understatement. Every milestone he misses due to work he sobs about. Spends every minute he’s not at work with the baby.

He’s baby’s favorite, much to your annoyance XD

Miyuki Atsushi

Hes terrified when you tell him your pregnant. Even if you’d been trying, he’s petrified. What does he know about babies?!

Not that he shows it though. He’s as cheerful as ever, putting on a brave face. You can probably tell, and so the pair of you sit down and talk about what the baby means and what the future holds.

Only mildly curious about the whole process and mostly lets you tell him what he needs to be doing.

Talks to your belly throughout the pregnancy. Talks about rugby a lot and how he was going to teach baby how to play when they are old enough. You point out that it might be a girl and he just shrugs and says “Girls can play rugby too!”

A little freaked out about the more graphic information, and kind of hates that you have to go through all of that just to bring his baby into the world. He’s happy of course, but he’s worried about you too.

When the day actually comes, he’s in a bit of a panic. Manages to smother it enough to get your to the hospital and settled in. Struggles with the birthing room, but is determined to be there with you all the same.

But when the baby finally comes, he’s enthralled. Thinks baby is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, even when covered in after birth and swollen

He’s the fun dad. He plays with the baby and looks after the basics, but has to be asked to do more complicated stuff. Its not that he minds, it’s just he doesn’t think about it.

Is determined to support you and baby to the best of his abilities and does work overtime so that baby can have the best things and toys. Goes a little bit overboard.

Always there to put baby to bed though.

Zanba Ryujin

Does not get what the big deal about being pregnant is. Doesn’t really understand that there will be changes. This man needs some education.

He listens and learns, but doesn’t really conceptualize the overall picture (this is not because he’s stupid, but rather, he gets bored and stops listening, and he doesn’t really think about it). Thus, there is a long adjustment period as learns that you can’t do everything you used to do.

Is overprotective though. Once he figures it all out, he’s like a mother bear. Gets hyper focused on certain things. Reads a pregnancy book or two and takes some things to heart. Exercise, but no overexertion, the need for massages, etc. Makes himself pay attention in baby classes.

He’s ALL IN for your pregnancy cravings. Eats things with you, and somehow isn’t grossed out. Goes a long way to normalizing weird things. Also refuses to believe that desserts can harm the baby and so always makes you share his unless you feel sick.

Holds your hair when your throw up. Doesn’t understand why having a baby makes you sick, but he takes care of you regardless. Is completely unfazed by it.

Talks about what kind of sweets the baby might like and how big they will grow. Wants them to follow in his footsteps because it would be fun to play with them. It’s very adorable.

On the day the baby is born, he’s outside the room while your mother is in with you. He can’t stand seeing you in pain and there being nothing he can do. Has major anxiety about the process, especially after the last doctor’s appointment when it was explained.

He’s also the type to realize at the last minute when having a baby means – that baby will get all your time and energy, and this causes a little pout. It is like that and he gets a little resentful towards the baby about it, but the baby is so cute, he can’t stay upset about it.

Baby’s favorite place to sleep is on daddy’s chest and there are times when baby won’t settle unless Ryujin is holding them.

Complete gentle giant with baby. Doesn’t seem like it though, like he’s terrified you many a time by tossing baby in the air (when baby’s old enough!) Always makes sure to be aware of his strength. Baby’s fragility scares him sometimes, so he’s extra careful.

What he likes the best, however, is when you are in his lap as you feed baby. It’s like his whole world is in his arms.

#ALL OUT!!#taira tadakazu #miyuki atsushi #Zanba Ryujin #headcanons

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leonawriter · 4 years

Text

Denning Down

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs/Mononoke

Pairings: Dazai/Chuuya

Characters: Dazai, Chuuya, Mori, Atsushi, others mentioned

Summary: For Dazai, adjusting to the fact that he isn't as human as he always assumed he was - and at the same time, just as human as he had figured he'd have to be, with how badly he fitted in with the rest of humanity - is going to be a slow process.

So is adjusting to the fact that his home isn't quite where he'd left it.

Chuuya, meanwhile, has all of Dazai's problems and more to deal with.

(Part of the “Not All Kitsune Have Nine Tails” ‘verse. Follows “Foxes and Spirits and Office Chairs.”)

...

"Chuuya."

It was annoying, it was frustrating, but he had to admit that he'd effectively signed himself up for this, so he couldn't even complain that much. Even so, he wished...

"Chuuyaaa...."

He wished that Dazai would shut the hell up and let him sleep. But it felt like they'd been like this for over half the night now, and he hadn't been able to rest at all. Which was going to be bad in the morning when he had to get up and out to work to report on everything to the boss. He'd only managed to send out a quick text to say that the threats had both been neutralised - not eliminated, no, because a confused ten year old kid and an exhausted Dazai who didn't even know what he was doing didn't deserve to be taken out - before collapsing into bed.

And yet, Dazai hadn't stopped pestering him. Every single time he thought he was nearly asleep, Dazai would start calling his name again. Only to stare at him when Chuuya's eyes stayed open.

He glared this time, too. Hoping that Dazai would get the message and get the fuck to sleep already.

Dazai doesn't close his eyes again, and not for the first time Chuuya thinks he sees something in those brown eyes of his, wide and hesitating, but he's getting too tired to do more than wish his bedmate would give up and leave whatever it was to the morning.

"Chuuya...?"

He sighs, heavily.

"What? What is it? For fuck's sake, Dazai, and you'd better actually say what it is this time instead of just assuming I can read your mind or whatever the shit you think I can do."

He more than half expects to be given the silent treatment again, just like every other fucking time, and at this point he'll take it so long as he gets even five more minutes of sleep-

"...Did Chuuya mean it?"

The words come out so quietly, so mumbled into the covers, that he almost doesn't hear them.

He blinks.

"Hah?" It takes him a moment to even think of what Dazai could be talking about, before hitting on the obvious. The entire reason why they're like this in the first place. Of course. Typical Dazai. "Why?"

"Because it's important."

He can hear the pout and the whine. There's an extra something in that whine now, though, that puts him on edge and that he knows he's going to have to get used to.

"Nothing's all that important at..." He squints around the covers, lumps and all, at his alarm clock. "It's nearly half two in the morning, Dazai. I'm tired. You're tired. Go to sleep."

He reaches over to try and force Dazai to at least lie still, but winds up clutching at empty covers and just groans.

"It's important," Dazai repeats, sounding for all the world like the petulant kid Elise should be, if she weren't... well, what she was. "I wanna know if you meant it."

And now Dazai's sitting on the edge of Chuuya's bed as if he's going to walk out at this hour in the morning, just because he's being a brat.

Which... now that he thinks about it, maybe isn't the best or most charitable way to think of things. Dazai had just had things about his past thrown in his face that he was still having to come to terms with, which Chuuya of all people should be able to sympathise with. And...

He sighed.

He knew exactly what he was being asked, and it was because he knew, that he'd wanted to put off answering.

Did you mean it.

Those four words made his heart pound in his chest.

"I..." He closed his eyes and breathed, thinking back, remembering. Opened them, to see Dazai's back, his silhouette marked by those two new additions, which were lying flat on his head. He didn't know much about fox behaviours and body language, but he didn't have to just to know Dazai, and Dazai was still just as vulnerable as he had been several hours ago. In so many ways, it was as if he'd just started undoing all of his bandages in front of an audience. Which he hadn't, but he might as well have. "What would you do, if I said I didn't even know what it meant to you, the first time I said it?"

For a moment, Dazai didn't move, and he didn't breathe.

"If that was what you said... I'd wait. Because you said it again. Did you mean it, Chuuya?"

He could remember feeling nervous, knowing that it wasn't just Dazai there, that they had people watching, and it wasn't as if he'd admitted any of this even to ane-san before any of this.

"What would you do if I said I didn't know, that second time? If... I hadn't been sure, because that's a huge responsibility to put on someone, and- what would you do if that was how it was?"

Hypotheticals. Maybes. Treading carefully. He wasn't used to any of these things, and normally he'd have just reached over, grabbed, and yanked Dazai back into bed and threatened him into rest, which was what he'd done plenty of times when they'd still been partners. When they'd lived in the mafia buildings more than not, because they'd been underage and even outside of how the authorities would take an interest in two teens their age living without parents or relatives, Mori had wanted to keep a closer eye on them than not, and there'd be times when he'd see the darkness under Dazai's eyes and drag him to rest, because even pretending was better than nothing.

Now, he had seen what had happened the last time someone had screwed up with this, and he wasn't about to make the same mistakes.

"If that was how you felt... I might want to walk away, because I don't want to just be your burden. But I'm going to wait, because Chuuya said it a third time. And I want to know if Chuuya meant it."

Chuuya swallows, and he wishes he felt certain that if Dazai tried to leave, he'd be able to stop him. Wishes, because he isn't sure he could.

Just like a few hours ago, trapped in the heart of the illusions, he doesn't want Dazai to go. Doesn't want to let go. To lose him like that.

"Then... I'd have to say that the third time I said it," he says, well aware that he's still half asleep and that his words aren't anywhere near as good as Dazai's even when he's wide awake, "all I wanted was for you to come back to me," he finally admits. Dazai stills, ears pricking upward, and a part of him wonders if he's said the wrong thing. But he can't stop now, he can't chicken out. "You were right in front of me, but you weren't there, and I wanted you back." Just like right now. "I didn't care what I had to do or what I had to say, so just - come back to bed and sleep, you stupid fox."

Dazai still doesn't move, and Chuuya starts to feel a coolness to his bed that had never been there before. He isn't often scared, when it doesn't involve Corruption, but this - he thinks this comes close.

Dazai's mother had never been seen again if everything could be believed. And now he was going to-

"You do realise that's a very dangerous thing to say, Chuuya. You can't take something like that back."

"Then why are you acting like I was ever going to, idiot," he mumbles into some other direction.

Come, love, he'd said all that time ago. Sleep.

Come back to me.

He'd dealt with situations where Dazai had gone missing before - captured, kidnapped, undercover, voluntary or not. But Dazai had always been pulling the strings somehow, and Chuuya had always known that all he'd had to do was follow the plan, whatever that was, which was sometimes even just to be himself and do what he would have done anyway, and they'd get out just fine, just as Dazai had expected.

Always.

But not... not that time.

He'd known, somehow, that seeing Dazai like that had been more dangerous in a way than seeing Dazai floating in the space where a dragon had been, only just recovering from near death. He hadn't had to feel the way Dazai had been shaking in his arms to know that, either.

He'd thought that saying those things would have been enough - saying those words - but if Dazai has somehow recovered enough to have second thoughts... there isn't anything he can do about it.

"Come back," he says, quietly this time, "you can leave again in the morning if that's what you want, you can pretend we're just... too tired to care that we're supposed to hate each other if that makes you feel better. But just... sleep, okay?"

Dazai doesn't answer back like he had before, but he doesn't leave, either. He just wordlessly gets back under the covers, shuffling himself so that his head - ears and all, which Chuuya just hoped weren't going to tickle him awake all night long - rested somewhat against Chuuya's chest, the (soft, and fluffy) tail curling around around them both, even when Dazai didn't do anything of the sort with any of his other limbs.

Chuuya doesn't mind too much, and while he'd normally be annoyed with the walking waste of a first aid kit taking up space in his home at all, let alone his bed, he falls asleep with his hand slightly outstretched but not quite touching, not quite sure, but grateful just to have the proof that Dazai was still there.

...

Dazai wakes up in an unfamiliar bed that's too soft, and too warm, compared to the futon that he's become used to over the past years away from the mafia and its money. A moment of bleary confusion causes him to wonder why that could be, and how he was asleep at all, and if perhaps Mori had decided to bring him in via force - when he catches a hint of smoke and the fading scent of wine, along with something else-

Something that could only mean Chuuya, and honestly, he isn't sure if that's better, or worse.

Better, because he feels safe, and worse, because the realisation means that the memories of the previous night - and the past few days - start settling into him again, the weight of them sinking to his stomach and making him disoriented.

He wonders if this is how Atsushi felt, when he had woken up after learning that he himself had been the tiger he had thought had been hunting him down. And again, months later, when the ramifications of that would continue to change the context of countless numbers of things he had experienced as a child.

Dazai hadn't even been able to remember most of that before - just disjointed memories of an unpleasant childhood he would have happily traded for a quick and easy way to die, and the knowledge that he had been left - twice over, at that - because he hadn't known how to act human enough, hadn't been able to fit in, had been such a failure before he had even turned ten years old, that life... life itself had ceased to have any meaning.

In the here and now he can only let his legs swing over the bed, feet finding the floor, and find himself wondering where he was supposed to go from here as he put his clothes on - the way he had to feel his ears go flat against his head as he put his shirt on, the way his tail rested awkwardly above the line of his pants, forcing him to leave part of his shirt untucked.

It was frustrating - he knew so little.

Both about who he was, even with everything he had learned. About what he could do-

He had never had active power before. He had always left that to Chuuya, to Akutagawa, to Kunikida, Atsushi... it wasn't as though he'd had a choice. His ability was to nullify an to take away, not to do, not to affect things.

His illusions had hurt people. He remembered that - remembered not caring about anything, other than the fact that he couldn't stand to have them come so close, and pushing them away because they were only going to leave as soon as they realised what he was, what he was capable of, that he couldn't be what they wanted him to be...

He thinks he remembers hurting Kunikida, even if it wasn't serious, even if Kunikida didn't even know that it was him, and that's enough to make him swallow hard and grab his coat, because the only things that memory made him want couldn't be done in Chuuya's home.

Odasaku had told him that nothing would fill the void inside of him, and it turned out that he was still right, even after years and supernatural revelations. Just knowing where he had come from and why he was the way he was didn't help where he was now.

But Odasaku had also told him to save people, and no matter what else he wanted, he couldn't go ahead with any of it without knowing that at least his coworkers had come out the other end of the entire disaster in one piece.

...

"...all of which is fascinating to be sure," the boss was saying in a bored tone that Chuuya was all too familiar with and that skirted the edges of something less pleasant, "but tells me very little of use." He stayed carefully still, even with the nervous way his heart was pounding in his chest from uncertainty. Mori sighed, sounding tired and resigned. It changed nothing. "Chuuya-kun, as one of my most valuable subordinates I would like to think that you at least have a good reason for keeping things from me."

Chuuya was, despite what Dazai would say about how he "only knew how to use his strength and not his head", smart enough to know what was being meant.

I want to trust you, the boss was saying, and I don't believe that you would endanger the organisation. But you have to give me something to work with.

The thing was, he understood that well enough.

It was just trying to figure out what he could use, some piece of information or aspect, that he could use without losing everything.

Then again-

He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

"From everything I gathered and experienced," he said, words as measured and full of respect as he could, "the events of the last several days weren't actually all that much to do with ability users at all. I realised that about halfway through the first investigation. There was a mononoke. And after that, something... else happened." He swallowed - that was more than he had explained before, and already it felt like he was stepping too close to the truth. "It was dealt with. No one involved is what I'd classify a threat to the city or the organisation," he added, unable to not think of the pile of fur and bandages he'd left sleeping in his own bed. "If they were, I'd be bringing it up as a matter of urgency. As it is, I can't say anything else."

"You can't, or you choose not to?"

His eyes opened again at the question, but aside from a glance - that he purposefully tried not to think too hard on - he settled his gaze somewhere in the safe middle distance.

"...Both, sir."

"And why is that?"

"There are things everyone keeps secret, boss. These people more than most. I'm sure if I went looking, I'd find more than a few in our own ranks, and all of them would say they were more loyal because they don't have to worry about being outed. I..." he looked to one side, eyes tracking the distance and vector of Suribachi from where he was standing. "You know how few people know about Arahabaki. It doesn't have to be on that level for people to feel the same."

And Arahabaki being an aspect of Chuuya's own identity was executive-level stuff; even Chuuya himself hadn't had full access until he'd turned sixteen, until after the Dragon's Head Rush, and after he'd become an executive himself. Even now, there were things he didn't know about himself, and not because of any restrictions.

He let his eyes track back to Mori, whose fingers were now steepled in front of his face, deep in thought.

"I see," the man said. "In which case it is fortunate for us that I have access to someone with such a high clearance level in such affairs. You said that you aren't aware of any such being is a threat to the organisation?"

"None," he said, acutely aware of how Dazai might speak unfavourably of Mori to say the least, but he hadn't made any overt or actual threats once in the time since they'd first met again after those four years. "Not unless we make them a threat," he added.

"Which I'm sure would be a bad idea," the boss said mildly.

Chuuya didn't reply to that. He didn't have to. A bad idea was pretty much the understatement of the century. Dazai on his own had caused chaos, and that was when he wasn't even trying. A city full of pissed of kami and youkai and who knew what else, and even the mafia wouldn't survive.

"Very well."

"Boss?"

"If the situation changes, you'll tell me. If it becomes possible to inform me of anything new, you will. If you need to act on anything, you tell me what you can. Other than that, I don't see what else we can do here."

...

He's hesitating outside of the dorms.

It feels trivial, really. He shouldn't have to hesitate outside of his own home, to call it home, and yet there he was. Shifting occasionally from foot to foot.

It wasn't as though some youkai magic had bound him to Chuuya's house so that nowhere else would be home or safe; he was the one who could leave whenever he wanted, or stay away as long as he liked. In fact, he'd only stayed with Chuuya because he'd wanted to.

Which still didn't explain why he was staring at the Agency's dorm building like it was somewhere he didn't want to go into.

At least no one could be staring at him for his odd features after he'd figured out how to put everything away again earlier, how to make it seem almost as though he was human.

Not "again." He couldn't say "again" when he'd never been human in the first place.

Nor was he doing anything other than hide the most obvious of surface signs of his inhumanity. It didn't change anything, just as learning what he was hadn't changed him. It had simply allowed him to see himself as he truly was. Stripped the self-imposed illusions away.

The sensation of the wind blowing in his hair and touching his ears in the wrong places and not feeling the fur of his tail brushing against his coat at all was stranger than it had any right to be, after less than a full day of knowing what it was like, and he couldn't wait to be back inside and relax again - or better yet, learn how to use his illusions to be able to go out in public and not worry - but that only brought him back to his original problem.

"Dazai-san...?"

And now Atsushi had noticed. He smiled and waved over at the boy, trying his best to look nothing more than simply passing the time, but the concerned frown on Atsushi's face didn't fade at all.

He wished that having gained a non-ability related knack for illusions could have meant being able to fool people into not taking notice when he wanted just to pretend he was fine.

"Did you know that Kunikida-kun kept staring at my ears or tail so often earlier that I had to remind him where my eyes were? I would have told him that he'd get carried away by spirits and we'd never get him back if he kept asking questions and looking everywhere and squinting at everyone, but I wasn't sure if it'd possibly come true. After all, what if it did, and then who'd do my paperwork?"

"Well, everyone else would be hoping that maybe you'd learn how to do it yourself," Atsushi grumbled, treacherously siding with Kunikida for nowhere near even the first time today. "So... no one, probably." And then, he sighed. Dazai wanted to hope that maybe it wasn't what he thought it was going to be, but, well. He was so rarely wrong. "If it's about... I don't think anyone would mind."

"Kunikida-kun would," Dazai mused to himself aloud. "And Chuuya barely tolerated me last night."

He hates the way that Atsushi looks at him, as if he knows more than he should, as if-

"Kunikida-san was worried yesterday," the boy says, and when did Atsushi grow up to the point where he was the one acting like Dazai's senior, in situations like this? "I told him you were fine, but the last times you've disappeared in the middle of our investigations, things went bad, like the time with the dragon, or when you got shot, or when..." Atsushi looked away, and Dazai did, too, staring up at the sky, which was a beautiful shade of fading blue. With the setting sun in the west, there were places that could almost look like Atsushi's eyes. Which was fitting, for an incarnation of the great Byakko itself. "And Chuuya-san- you should give him a little more credit, Dazai-san."

As much as he felt grateful for Atsushi stopping short of bringing up the incidents surrounding his arrest when things were still only just settling back down to some vague sense of normal, the last thing he'd said brought a tightening to his chest.

But what if I don't know what I want? What if I pick the wrong choice?

Is going back to Chuuya like this wrong, if it means I'm not living with the Agency?

He didn't even realise that he'd been making a sound until halfway through the whine he let out, which was embarrassing.

"Dazai-san... can I say something?" He nodded, not trusting himself to speak without making things worse for himself. "I feel so at home here in the dorms because you gave me a home here... because of everyone else who's living here too, everyone who helps make it feel like a home for me, more than the orphanage ever was." The smile Atsushi gave him only made him feel worse. He had helped that happen, and now here he was, potentially abandoning it all. "Home isn't just a place, Dazai-san. For me, it's where all of the rest of the Agency are. No matter where that is. And if Chuuya-san is that for you, then... isn't that all that matters?"

"I'm not quitting the Agency, Atsushi-kun," he said, somehow feeling the need to clarify that. And he wasn't. No matter where he wound up sleeping.

"Good!" There was that smile again, even brighter than before. He didn't deserve it. He still felt like he was running away, somehow. "I could help you move your things if you needed me to?"

That brought out a laugh, a real one, light and a little breathless instead of the barking laugh he'd had for Kunikida earlier.

"And show you right to the door of an unsuspecting mafia executive?" he said, not ungently. "I'm sure I'll be able to manage, Atsushi-kun."

It's only when he's said that and he's picking through his things that he realises that he's already made his choice.

For tonight he has, at least. And he can only hope it was the right one.

...

Chuuya finds himself staring at the beanpole on his sofa, and the thing that strikes him as the strangest part of it all wasn't even the dark orange ears, or the tail that was hanging off the side, twitching from time to time with its owner's thoughts. The weirdest part was the fact that he's just... staring, and not ordering his uninvited guest out of the door. That he's actually letting out a breath of relief that he hadn't realised he'd been holding in all day, ever since he'd left Dazai in his bed.

"It's rude to stare, you know."

"Tch. Like you're not the one taking up all the space in someone else's place-" he looked away, still caught on the way he'd seen Dazai's coat hung up and his shoes put away in the hall, as if he actually belonged there. "What're you even doing here still?"

He can feel the atmosphere of the room shift the moment the words left his mouth, and part of him wishes he hadn't said anything at all. Which just makes him hate the entire situation he's found himself in, and resent everything that Dazai had found out about himself for a moment, because wasn't this going just the way it always had, between them? Dazai making him do all the hard work, while he just lies there and takes it easy.

But allowing himself to resent Dazai is just the easy way out. Kicking Dazai out either with words or force and going back on his own word just because he didn't know how to handle that, because he couldn't take being the one in control even just once, was no different from chickening out.

"I thought you were the one who'd invited me in. You did want me here, didn't you?"

The tail's twitching makes Chuuya wonder just how much of a kitsune was actual fox, and how much was cat. That, and the catty way Dazai was behaving.

"Invites are for vampires," he says without thinking. "But- yeah, I..." He sighs. "Expected you'd just leave and go back to your precious Agency, or wherever it is you hole up, the moment you didn't need to be here anymore." Part of him is convinced that he's not anywhere near drunk enough for this conversation. Another part - that sounds way too much like the bandaged fur-brain on his sofa - says that if he had anything alcoholic, he wouldn't be anywhere near sober enough. "That's what you've done before, right? Just done a shitty vanishing trick right when you don't need me anymore."

He can't help the bitterness from creeping into his voice, even as he pads over in just his socks, putting his hat down safely before he goes to kick Dazai's feet off the sofa, pushing the tail aside somewhat more gently.

Dazai's eyes don't leave him at all the entire time.

"I did leave," Dazai says, and Chuuya would like to say that the way his heart jumps into his mouth is only because of the sudden and unexpected words. "I went to work," he continues. "I turned into a fox and couldn't figure out how to turn for several hours, and for a short while, I was able to put myself back the way I... was. Before." It's more the way the ears press against his head than his words, still even in tone, that tells Chuuya that the experience hadn't been one he'd enjoyed. "I could have gone back to the dorms. But I chose not to."

There were any number of things he could have picked up on from that - you left, for one, you turned into a fox, for another, as well as then how did you turn back, and how did you figure out how to look human again, and he'd definitely be coming back to why did you choose to come back here, then? but...

"I guess that means everyone else at that Agency of yours knows what you are now, huh."

Dazai inclines his head, but doesn't fully close his eyes even with a slow blink.

"That's pretty much how it happened," he admits. "I have to admit, it was fun harassing them all before Atsushi-kun showed up. But it would have come up sooner or later, so in the end, it was the best possible outcome." Dazai tiling his head has a somewhat different effect to it when he's now got two pointed ears moving almost on their own - one flicks right when Chuuya hears some distant sound from outside. "Why, does that mean you're trying to say you told people what happened yourself? It's hardly as if the Port Mafia wouldn't have been expecting some sort of report from someone who was right in the middle of everything, which you, as a trusted and loyal dog-"

"Didn't tell them shit about you, or the first kid that weirdo guy went after, so you can shut your damn mouth already before you say something we both regret."

The way Dazai's eyes widen at that, the way he freezes, makes Chuuya wish he'd been able to move fast enough to take a photo, memorialise the moment. But then he might have missed the moment the tension just seemed to... drain out of Dazai and turn him into some sort of limp noodle.

"You... didn't tell Mori."

He shrugged, awkwardly. It wasn't as if he didn't know how much Dazai'd grown to hate his boss - Dazai's former boss - and it wasn't as though Chuuya was fully unaware of everything that'd happened. It was just that Chuuya himself just couldn't feel the same way. Sympathise, sure. Empathise, yeah. He'd lost more than his fair share of friends.

But Chuuya was still in the mafia, and not because Dazai had dragged him in, or because of the information that'd been held over his head for so long. By this point it was just because this was the place he'd found for himself, and he couldn't imagine trying to live any other way.

"I told him the basics. I told him about the mononoke, and how there's people out there who're keeping secrets, but I didn't say who. I said if anyone becomes a threat to the city or the mafia, that's a different matter, but..." Another shrug. "It's not the sort of thing anyone just goes blabbing about."

It was something he knew in the core of his being. He'd always thought you didn't have to be told to know that. Apparently that didn't apply to Dazai, though.

Dazai, whose eyes were slowly starting to close - not narrow tight and still able to watch him, but closed shut.

And then, they snapped back open, full of mischief even if he wasn't moving.

"I hope you really meant it - what you said last night. Because I packed a carry-all bag with my things and dumped it in your room before I came here to wait for you~"

Chuuya groans. The urge to just give in and bury his head in his hands is too strong, and he succumbs, hearing the sound of Dazai's laughter ringing in his ears.

He was well and truly stuck, now.

Then why are you acting like I was ever going to, idiot.

But it wasn't as if he hadn't asked for it, was it? So that meant that he could hardly argue-

Which was when he felt the other end of the sofa lighten up, as if a weight had been lifted from it, and at first he assumes Dazai had stood up to go find something, but then he feels something small and hard and slightly sharp on his legs, and when he opens his eyes, there's a red fox with distinctive brown eyes looking up at him and making his way onto Chuuya's lap. An angular face that tilted, and then head butted his hands, and knowing Dazai he knew exactly what the bastard was after.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad just to give in this once, though, he thinks to himself as he hesitates before taking his gloves off, putting them safely on the arm of the sofa next to him, and places one hand onto Dazai's soft fur, accepting the unspoken request.

AN: Chuuya's nerves while talking to Mori are primarily due to how he wants to be able to be open and honest with his boss, but at the same time, his loyalty to not just Dazai but pretty much the entire idea of non-humans existing both in and out of the mafia is... of equal weight.

Partially this is due to him having made himself into basically the mafia's foremost expert on anything to do with Japanese mythology that's actually real; partially it's because I've got a strong headcanon of Arahabaki having been a forgotten guardian deity, and that sort of stuff is resurfacing in Chuuya.

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd stuff #kitsune dazai #Leona fic #bsd mnnk au

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mgmirani · 5 years

Text

A Second Chance

(Reuploading this post since Tumblr mobile somehow ate it)

So! This is my entry for Soukoku Week 2019! ( @soukokuweek19 ) I’m not entirely sure how this word vomit turned into something vaguely coherent but I love it and these two adorable morons (mainly Dazai - he’s definitely the bigger moron).

This was originally written for Day 3: Reaching out but, as it went on, I realised it had drifted away from that so now I’m tagging it under Day 7: Free Day!

Hope you all enjoy reading!

Title: a Second Chance

Prompt: Day 7 - Free Day

Pairing: Soukoku (Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya)

Words: 7787

Summary: It’s a few days after the fight with Lovecraft and Dazai realises that maybe, just maybe, leaving his ex-partner alone in a field after he passed out from exhaustion wasn’t the best decision he could have made. And...wait, when did he start thinking the Chibi was pretty?

(Note: this work contains no triggering or explicit materials)

Four years…

It had been four years since he’d last seen Chuuya and yet, in that Port Mafia holding cell, fiery red hair blending into the red light, blue eyes flashing as they looked up at him, it had felt like no time had passed at all.

More time had passed since then and yet the memory was as clear in his mind as if it happened only yesterday.

Chuuya…

Ignoring Kunikida’s increasingly frequent (and loud) attempts to get him to do his paperwork, Dazai continued to slouch on the couch, eyes closed as he pictured the scene in his mind.

Thoughts of that encounter, naturally, lead him to thoughts of their second. This time, Chuuya had been bathed in blue from the light of the full moon. Red and blue...the same colour as Chuuya’s hair and eyes. It seemed almost ironic.

That encounter had taken place less than a week ago. The Guild was officially defeated thanks to himself, Chuuya, Atsushi and Akutagawa (although how on earth Lovecraft had survived to apparently jump into the sea, Dazai had no idea and no wish to understand) and things had returned to a semblance of what could be considered ‘normal’ for the residents of Yokohama.

...With the exception that there was still an uneasy truce between the ADA and the Port Mafia. Dazai held no illusions that the truce would last overly long. It was only a matter of time before they were, once again, at odds. The question wasn’t if, but when and how the uneasy peace would come crashing down.

“I used Corruption because I trusted you.”

Chuuya’s remembered words drifted through his mind and he shut his eyes more tightly, deliberately trying to turn his mind away from the accusing tone. Chuuya had been tired (he always was after using Corruption) and, though his tone had been exhausted, Dazai had still heard the reproach clear as day.

He hadn’t been entirely truthful in his answer to Chuuya’s question regarding why he hadn’t stopped him as soon as the fight was over. Oh sure, it had been fun to watch Chuuya throw about singularities like it was nothing but that hadn’t been his entire reason.

Chuuya had looked...beautiful.

The blue light, the red markings...the contrast and the sheer power that Chuuya had exuded...he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Even when he wasn’t fully in control, Chuuya always captured his attention: be it to tease or admire.

Not that his Chibi was aware of the admiration. He was far more used to the teasing, the little comments that got him all riled, all the remarks that had those pretty blue eyes flashing with anger or frustration. Dazai couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t resist putting a spark in those eyes just because he wanted it directed at him.

Was this healthy? Absolutely not. But, then again, when had Dazai Osamu ever done anything that was in his own best interest?

...okay, scratch that. When had he ever done anything for his own personal health? He was well aware that he was, in truth, rather selfish despite his attempts to be better.

He cracked open an eye to watch as Atsushi bickered with Tachihara and sent pleading looks to Kyoka for help. The girl, predictably, ignored the unsubtle requests for aid and continued to do her own work. The girl was still on a bit of an emotional high after becoming a full member of the ADA and was determined to keep up with everyone else despite the fact that she was still only fourteen and so, technically, shouldn't be expected to do the same amount of work as everyone else. Then again, she’d been in the Port Mafia and no one remained a child for long there, especially not someone who had already killed 35 people. Dazai should know. He’d long since lost count. Even so, as he stared at Atsushi’s face, tiger-gold eyes shining brightly as he gesticulated wildly, Dazai felt a smile turn up the corners of his lips.

He’d made himself better and that was reflected in Atsushi, in Kyoka, in the relationships he’d managed to somehow scrape together with the other people in the ADA despite how much of a pain in the ass he made himself. He still had a long way to go but, he thought, he’d reached some sort of state in which Odasaku might approve.

And yet…

“I used Corruption because I trusted you…”

And yet, when it came to Chuuya, he had so easily fallen into old habits. It had felt so natural, so right to tease him, to encourage that temper he was still so well known for (even if it was far more difficult for others to bring it to the surface nowadays). Dazai hadn’t even really thought about what he was doing while he interacted with Chuuya, his words and actions flowing like a well-rehearsed script which he had no need to alter, as familiar as breathing and as easy as closing his eyes at the end of a long day.

And yet…

And yet, should he not have done better?

“Take me...to the extraction point…”

Chuuya had trusted him to step in when he used Corruption and Dazai had (at his own pace). Chuuya had asked him to take him somewhere safe after using Corruption and Dazai...Dazai had left him lying on the ground in a field at midnight with his hat and coat folded neatly beside him. He’d left without so much as a backwards glance.

Chuuya had been fine and he’d known that he’d be fine. There wasn’t anyone else around when they’d left and the location was isolated enough that no one was likely to come across him so Chuuya hadn’t been in any real danger.

Still…

Asking himself if he’d done the right thing was rather redundant. He knew that he hadn’t and it was niggling at him, like a toothache which he couldn’t do anything about or an itch that he just couldn’t scratch. The urge to do...something, wouldn’t leave him alone.

There was, of course, the choice of just ignoring the problem until it went away. That wasn’t an option though. They were in the same city and their organisations were likely to either ally or antagonise each their on a regular basis from this point onwards. He was going to run into Chuuya again sooner rather than later so that was completely out of the question.

What then, should he do? Should he do anything? Would Chuuya be surprised that he’d left him there? Probably not.

That thought had Dazai frowning to himself. He’d gotten used to living up to people’s expectations of him, especially when it came to Atsushi. He’d been able to help him, to help Kyoka and the Agency as a whole that living down to Chuuya’s expectations rather than up…

He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit.

He thought of the surprise that would’ve been on the Chibi’s face if he’d woken up at the extraction point and wished that he’d actually done it. He was sure the reaction would have been amusing. The anger would, of course, have also been amusing but the thought of eliciting a different reaction from the fiery redhead…

Dazai resolved that, the next time they crossed paths, he would do that. He’d make sure and take care of Chuuya if only for the surprise that would cross those expressive features, the confusion that would be hastily covered up in those pretty blue eyes…

...pretty?

Dazai blinked to himself. Since when had he thought of Chuuya’s eyes as pretty? He’d thought so earlier but he hadn’t noticed doing so at the time. Sure, he found him attractive in an “if I wasn’t attracted to women” sort of way but who didn’t? But actually considering him pretty? He’d always thought Chuuya interesting, fun to poke at and, yes, beautiful with Corruption tracing over his skin but…

...when had this happened?

Not important - alright maybe important but not the main thing he needs to focus on right now. He found Chuuya pretty but surely that didn't mean anything. He wanted to elicit more reactions from the Chibi, positive ones and not just negative ones. He wanted…

...he wanted Chuuya to look at him the way Poe was currently staring at Ranpo while the other was...looking at him.

Ranpo smirked, corners of his lips lifting up in a knowing expression, glasses reflecting the midday light coming in through the windows and Dazai felt his back stiffen.

Deciding to cut his losses, he stood, making it look as natural as possible and not like he was choosing to run away from those too-perceptive eyes, and strode purposefully from the office. Kunikida’s calls for him to return to his desk were, of course, ignored.

It was as he was closing the door taht he heard it.

“Finally.”

He paused, waiting to see what Ranpo would say next. There was nothing for a few seconds before the silence was finally broken.

“...um...what do you mean Ranpo-san?”

“Dazai finally got a clue,” was the only response Ranpo gave and Dazai felt a brief flicker of relief that the detective hadn’t said anything else. He was even more grateful that, at this point, Ranpo hadn’t actually met Chuuya.

Hmmm...now there was a thought. That could be amusing.

Mentally shaking himself, Dazai strode out of the building, debated a moment before heading back to his apartment. He wanted a quiet place to think so he could plan how best to reach out to Chuuya.

..and to process what he’d realised while lounging on the Agency’s couch this afternoon. He couldn’t exactly freak out in public now, could he? Well, he could, but he didn’t feel like drawing attention to himself for a change. Perhaps later when he was in the mood to draw interesting expressions from people other than his Chibi.

Wait...his Chibi?

Well, of course Chuuya was his. They had made that bet hadn’t they? Would Chuuya even remember it, he wondered, with everything else that had happened during those few days. Dazai did though. How could he forget the sound of Chuuya’s head hitting the console or the yell of frustration quickly cut off by surprise as he’d ducked down behind the machine, trying not to be noticed by his so-called ‘friends’ from that stupid gang. Really, Dazai had done him a favour. If they were that easy to turn against him, they didn’t deserve Chuuya anyway.

He stepped more quickly, determined to get home as soon as possible.

He had to think.

—————

Chuuya still lived at the same address.

Dazai wasn't surprised.

What did, however, surprise him, was the easy way the key turned in the lock.

Huh...Chibi hadn’t changed his locks in the four years Dazai had been gone. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Putting said thought to the back of his mind for later consideration, he opened the door on silent hinges and carefully stepped inside.

Chuuya liked his comforts; that included a thick, soft rug which made it incredibly easy to walk silently through the quiet flat. It was about half an hour from sunset and the light filtering through the windows was fiery, tinting everything in shades of gold, copper and red.

As he looked around, he noted that, alongside the locks, very little had changed. Perhaps there was a new piece of art and he was quite sure that the loveseat he remembered had been replaced by a large armchair but, other than that, it was like stepping back in time.

This seemed to happen a lot where Chuuya was concerned.

Dazai had to be careful. He couldn’t let himself slip into old habits. He was here to reach out, to prove that he had changed over the last four years.

…..by sneaking into his flat with the key he’d swiped when they were 16.

Baby steps.

Silently acknowledging that, perhaps, this hadn’t been the best plan but committed to following it through nonetheless, Dazai stepped further into the flat. It was as he was passing a small table that he noticed it; the hat.

Chuuya never went anywhere without that stupid hat so, therefore, the only conclusion Dazai could draw was taht Chuuya was somewhere in his flat.

...and he hadn’t noticed Dazai yet.

Pausing all movement, Dazai closed his eyes and focused all his attention on his surroundings, listening for the slightly rustle of cloth, the faintest screen from deeper into the fat.

Nothing.

Turning his head to better peer into the living room, Dazai confirmed that, yes, Chuuya wasn’t in there, waiting to ambush him. Nor, it appeared, was he in the kitchen.

Logically, that left only one place.

The bedroom door was shut and, aa he approached, Dazai felt a shiver of anticipation go through him. He hadn’t managed to sneak up on Chuuya in quite a while and this was definitely going to result in an interesting reaction.

He may be here to make amends with the Chibi but that didn’t mean he was above drawing out some fun reactions. Just because hw wanted Chuuya to look at him...more positively...didn’t mean he was going to give up antagonisinghim. Where would the fun be in that?

Moving slowly, Dazai reached out and opened the door. It was as quiet as the rest of the flat, swinging on silent hinges as Dazai slowly and carefully opened it enough to slip through and nothing more.

Chuuya was lying in bed, head turned away from the door and towards the massive window on the oppositee wall. Yokohama was lit by crimson light which spilled over Chuuya, blending perfectly with his hair which was fanned out behind him on his pillow.

Dazai felt his breath catch slightly but resolutely ignored it.

Still..

Dazai removed his phone from his pocket and took a picture, thankful he had the camera sound turned off. Chuuya was asleep and he doubted he’d get this chance again any time soon.

Putting his phone away as he stepped further into the room, Dazai was careful to keep his steps light. Chuuya’s bedroom had a wooden floor, a deep cherry wood which matched the furnishings. Said furnishings included the massive four-poster bed which was set against the wall between the walls containing the door and window respectively. The red curtains (and why was he not surprised?) were pulled back, tied neatly to the bed posts with thin braided chords.

The blankets, of course, matched the curtains perfectly and Dazai wondered when exactly Chuuya had time ti pick out such things and how his little ex-partner managed to reach the top of the four-poster bed. Did he have a footstool hiding somewhere or did he just use his gravity manipulation?

This rather random (and entirely amusing) train of thought was cut off when Dazai managed to get a good look at Chuuya’s face.

What he had initially taken for redness from the setting sun was, in fact, revealed to be a deep flush accross his normally pale skin. Now that he was closer, he could hear that, although Chuuya was indeed asleep, his breathing was shallower than would be expected and there was a light sheen of sweat accross his forehead.

He also noted a few dark purple bruises tracing their way accross Chuuya’s skin, disappearing below the blanket. It had been a few days since the incident with Lovecraft and his partner (honestly he couldn’t even remember his name; he was that unimportant) and yet the bruises looked like they had only appeared yesterday.

Dazai felt his stomach drop and a pang in his chest.

Chuuya, apparently, hadn’t been fine.

This...changed things.

—————

Chuuya cracked his eyes open, knowing that something was wrong but not having the energy to deal with it. He felt like his limbs were made of lead and, when he tried to sit up, his head started spinning badly enough that he immediately paused all movement.

Fuck he hated this.

It had been four years since he’d used Corruption and, somehow, in those four years, he’d managed to forget exactly how painful the aftermath was. It could, however, just be that it was worse this time. His body wasn’t used to it anymore.

And, he thought bitterly, it wasn’t as if spending the night in a fucking field out in the open had helped.

Damn Dazai…

“Don’t worry...I got you.”

Yeah fucking right. That was why, at dawn, he’d had to drag himself to Mori’s office, give a delayed report and then drag himself home only to collapse in bed without even being able to change. He’d woken up hours later with the beginnings of a fever and, despite how much it ached and how much he didn’t want to, he’d made himself change out of his filthy clothes, strip the bed and put on clean sheets since he’d slept in his bed without changing out of said filthy clothes, and preprared for about a week of hell.

He’d been conscious for perhaps four to five hours of the last few days, his body demanding that he sleep while it healed from the use of Corruption and fought the fever. Admittedly he wouldn’t have been able to do much even if he had been awake considering how difficult and painful it was to move at this point. His body felt like one giant bruise and, upon waking for the second time covered in sweat and dizzy as fuck, he vowed that he was going to hunt Dazai down when he was able and kick the shit out of the lying bastard. Killing him would be too easy (and likely what the bastard wanted) so Chuuya wouldn’t do that. No, he’d just make him wish he was dead.

A noise from just beyond the door had him turning his head. He almost immediately regretted it, his temples throbbing, but he forced himself to ignore it, fingers twitching under the blanket. What had caused that sound? Was someone in his flat? Who could it be?

As he was preparing to do...soemthing (his brain was far too foggy to come up with anything coherent) the door opened further (he was sure he’d closed it before crawling into bed) and, who should walk in, but the person he was currently planning the maiming of.

“Dazai...”

The name was hissed between clenched teeth, coming out as little more than a croak. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the bandaged bastard in his bedroom doorway.

Dazai had paused, like he was surprise Chuuya was awake, and Chuuya felt his temper flare.

How dare he. How fucking dare that asshole break into his flat after what he’d done. How fuckign dare he!

“Nice to see Chuuya’s awake,” Dazai commented, his tone far quieter than his normal boisterous delivery but Chuuya couldnt’ focus on taht right now, too overcome with the absolute rage he felt at seeing Dazai so soon after being abandoned in a fucking field at midnight after using Corruption.

“I’m gonna make you...wish...you were dead,” he got out through gritted teeth.

“I know,” Dazai replied, not seeming phased by the threat of physical violence and, right now, Chuuya wasn’t all taht surprised. He doubted he could threaten a kitten in his current state, let alone a slippery bastard like Dazai.

“The fuck do you want,?” He growled, deciding he didn’t have time to deal with Dazai’s bullshit.

“Chibi needs help,” was the immediate reply and Chuuya felt himself tense.

Help?

Dazai thought he needed help?

The bastard thought he needed help after what he did?

“Get. Out.”

“Not until Chibi’s feeling well enough to toss me out himself,” Dazai returned immediately. Chuuya snarled.

What an utter bastard. What was he getting out of this? Was he just here to make fun of the fact that, currently, Chuuya couldn’t throw a pillow, let alone Dazai’s lanky ass? Yeah, that must be it. He was here to be a bastard.

What else was new?

“Her to gloat then? Should’ve known.”

Dazai blinks, affecting a surprised expression which Chuuya wasn’t buying for a moment.

“Gloat?”

“Yes, gloat,” Chuuya repeats, feeling some part of him settle now that he’d figured out exactly why Dazai was here. The bastard would taunt him for a while, maybe make a half-hearted (and entirely unhelpful) effort to aid him and then fuck off back to his detective agency until the next time he needed Chuuya to hit something he couldn’t talk his way around.

Dazai, it seemed, wanted to draw this out though since, unlike what Chuuya was expecting, he didn’t immediately drop the act nd start taunting him. Instead, Dazai made a “wait here” gesture (which was rather ridiculous since he could barely make himself roll over, let alone get out of bed right now) and left the room.

What was he doing? Was he trying to put him on edge by making noise where Chuuya couldn't see or reach? Was he breaking his shit so Chuuya would have to clean up the mes when he could drag himself out of bed? No, that would be too simple and blunt for Dazai. He had to be up to soemthing else.

Sounds reached his ears but he couldn't figure out what they were. All he could do was lie there and wait for Dazai to return.

He must’ve dozed off again because the next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes and turning towards a weight he felt on the bed. Dazai had returned and sat himself on the edge of the bed, perching like a bird that knew it would have to take flight rather quickly at any moment.

“What do you want now?” He grumbled, too tired to put up too much of a fight. His anger had, apparently, given way to tiredness while he’d been dozing and Chuuya couldn’t find the strength to muster it again. What was even the point? Perhaps this was a good thing. If Dazai couldn't get any interesting reactions from him, he might go away faster. Dazai was, after all, like a spoilt kid with a shiny toy. That toy was, in this case, Chuuya (loathe as he was to compare himself to such a thing). If Chuuya didn’t react, didn’t give Dazai anything to work with, he’d move on to something else more shiny, more fun to poke at with a stick to watch its reaction.

Dazai didn’t reply to him, instead turning and picking something up from the bedside table he sat beside. He heard the sound of water slouching about before something cool and damp was pressed against his forehead.

Wha…?

Dazai, not noticing his confusion (or more likely pretending not to notice - that bastard noticed everything) turned away from him. Chuuya wanted to reach up and throw the cloth at Dazai’s stupid face, put enough weight behind it to cave in the bastard’s fucking skull ike he deserved but, again, he couldn’t make himself move.

When Dazai turned back to him, he was holding a bowl in one hand and...a spoon in the other.

“No,”

“Chibi needs to eat.”

“I said no!” The anger was back, blazing in his chest. So this was his plan then? Not just gloat but try and humiliate him too? Probably taunt him while he fed him like a fucking child. Fuck that. He wasn’t going to accept it. Whatever it was was likely poisoned anyway (be it deliberately or because of the shitty bastard’s inability to cook anything without somehow making it toxic).

“Chuuya needs to eat,” Dazai repeated, as if he thought using Chuuya’s actual name instead of that stupid fucking taunt would make a difference.

Chuuya closed his eyes and turned his face away. If Dazai wanted him to eat whatever it was, he’d have to force it down his throat. He heard a sigh and felt himself bristle more. What did that bastard have to sigh about? He wasn’t the one stuck in bed with a fever and covered in bruises because his fucking partner had abandoned him after a mission.

His train of thought was rudely interrupted when he felt...something, sliding through his hair.

What the…?

It was soothing, rhythmic and...very pleasant. Unbidden, he felt his body relax, muscles that had been tensed to do...soemthing...uncoiling like an unwound spring.

It was as he felt himself lean into it that he realised what it was and tensed all over again.

Dazai was petting him, running his fingers through Chuuya’s (undoubtedly sweaty) hair, fingers playing with the strands before returning to massage his scalp. He really was out of it if he hadn’t been able to recognize what Dazai was doing.

How pathetic.

“Chibi’s always been the most stubborn when he’s sick,” Dazai murmured and Chuuya held in a snort.

“Who was the one who acted like he was dying from a cold?”

“It could’ve turned into pneumonia,” Dazai defended, tone indignant.

“You are such a fucking drama queen,” Chuuya muttered, eyes slipping closed again as he let himself enjoy the physical contact. He knew this was a trick of some sort (it was Dazai - there was always a trick) but, with how little energy he had right now, he was willing to enjoy it before the bastard pulled something else.

Hadn’t he been angry not a minute ago? He tried to concentrate on the feeling but couldn’t. He was still angry, still furious with the other male but he just didn’t have the energy to express it properly. His mind was also vaguely foggy (probably from the fever) so that likely wasn’t helping.

Fuck this situation and fuck Dazai Osamu. When this was over, he was going to pay the bastard back for this, one way or another.

“Hmmm…” Dazai made a non-comical noise and Chuuya’s thoughts were forcibly dragged back to the present moment, to the feeling of Dazai’s fingers tangling themselves in his hair and rubbing gentle circles against his scalp.

“Chuuya never eats after Corruption. I suppose that hasn’t changed.”

The comment caught Chuuya off guard. Weren’t they just talking about how much of a pain Dazai was when he’s ill?

“...Your point?”

“Chuuya should eat more.”

Yes, Chuuya should drag himself, in his current state, to the kitchen and make himself something to eat. That would go absolutely wonderfully he was sure. His expression clearly must have conveyed his thoughts because Dazai once again held up the bowl.

“No.”

“What if I eat some?”

“Your a suicidal maniac. If you eat it, it’s definitely poison.”

“Chuuuya,” Dazai whined and Chuuya fought back a small smirk at the tone. It felt good to annoy Dazai, even just a little. For all he knew the bastard could just be putting it on but he’d take what he could get in this situation.

“And what if I didn’t make it?”

“Then where did you get it?” Had Dazai raided his cupboards to find something? He couldn’t remember what was in there. Did he have a few tins of soup stored somewhere? It was possible.

Dazai, for once, kept his mouth shut and, instead, tilted the bowl so that Chuuya could get a good look at the contents and, at the same time, ensuring that he had the opportunity to smell whatever it was.

As he breathed in, the familiarity of the bowl’s contents hit his senses and his eyes widened minutely.

How the…?

“This is still you favourite, right?” Dazai asked, tilting the bowl further towards him.

“...how the hell do you remember that after four years?”

“You ordered me to get it for you often enough. It’s hard to forget.”

Hesitantly, Chuuya leaned forward and took another, deeper sniff of the revealed bouillabaisse. He’d discovered a small cafe not long after moving into this flat, only a few streets away, and had fallen utterly in love with their food. It hadn’t taken him long to get into the habit of eating there once a week or, on the odd occasion where he didn’t feel like being out in public, having the staff prepare him a meal which he would then eat in the privacy of his own flat.

The bouillabaisse in the bowl had been one of the first things on the menu he’d tried. There was just something about it that Chuuya couldn’t quite put his finger on. All he knew was that it had become a routine rather early in their relationship that, after using Corruption and returning home (normally dragged there by Dazai or one of his minders), he’d have someone fetch him a bowl of bouillabaisse from that cafe, eat it and then pass out for a few days.

Apparently, Dazai had remembered…

It didn’t mean anything. Just because the bastard remembered this was his favourite thing to eat when he was ill or post-Corruption, didn’t mean Chuuya was going to eat it.

“Come on,” Dazai coaxed. “How will you feel better and throw me out if you don’t eat anything?”

“...Are you seriously trying to use logic? You, of all people?”

“Chuuya says that like I’m not logical.”

“Are you implying you are?”

“When am I ever not logical?”

“March 5th, five years ago.”

Was it his imagination or were Dazai’s cheeks turning a little red? Nah, it was probably the light coming in through his windows.

“Chuuya’s being mean when I came here to help him feel better,” Dazai pouted and Chuuya snorted slightly.

“Since when do you help anyone but yourself?”

The mirth fled Dazai’s face, leaving it blank. It was only in the absence of emotion that Chuuya realised just how much of it Dazai had been exuding. The gaze looking down at him felt...empty and, despite how warm he felt, he had to fight back a shiver.

This was the Dazai he remembered; the one that could go from playfully vicious to cold, ruthless and unnerving in less time than it took you to blink. And there Chuuya was, practically helpless lying in bed with those deadened, blank eyes staring down at him.

“Four years ago.”

Chuuya blinked, confused.

What?

“Well...that’s perhaps a bit generous. Maybe about a year and a half ago.”

“Had Dazai...answered his question?

“What the fuck?”

It was only when those dead eyes flickered that he realised that he must’ve asked the question aloud.

“You see,” Dazai continued. “I didn’t join the Agency right away. I had to lay low for a few years, keep my head down, show I could stay out of trouble before they would...deal...with my record.”

“So what changed?”

If Dazai was in the mood to answer questions (even if Chuuya was more than half convinced that his ex=partner was just spouting bullshit to mess with him), Chuuya was going to get as much out of him as possible.

“Something.”

“Feel like giving specifics?”

“You’ll be the first to know when I figure it out.”

“Yeah right.”

That gaze was still unnerving but he forced himself to ignore it. He’d worked with Dazai for three years and, even if it had been four since they’d last done so, he still remembered this. Act normal. Depending on his mood, he’ll pull himself out of soon enough. (Yet another reason Chuuya was sure that, had Dazai not been in the Port Mafia, he would have been ordered by someone to see a goddamn therapist a long time ago).

“I only really noticed after I met Atsushi.”

“The tiger brat?”

“The very same.” There was a smile creeping back into the corners of Dazai’s mouth, his eyes gaining warmth that had been absent and Chuuya felt a surge of...something...in his chest. So those Agency brats could get Dazai to show emotion (genuine from what he could tell) after about a year while Chuuya had known Dazai for three, nearly four, and hadn’t managed to elicit anything other than taunting, annoyance and the urge to set a bomb under his car?

Fan-fucking-tactic.

“Then why aren’t you bothering him?” He succeeded in keeping the bitterness from his voice, barely, and forced himself to relax again now that those dead eyes were no longer directed at him. Fuck; he hated that look.

“Atsushi’s not the one lying in a bed with a fever.”

“Funny thing, neither would I if you hadn’t left me in a fucking field.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

They were going in circles, their conversation going nowhere. Or, at least, that’s how it felt to Chuuya. It felt like he’d take a few steps forward but then Dazai would say something and there’d they’d be, right back to where they started; the fact that Dazai had broken into Chuuya’s flat while he was unconscious after leaving him, exhausted and alone.

“Give me one good reason why I should trust you.”

“...and if I can’t think of one?”

“Then congratulations; that’s the first honest thing you’ve said to me in the last seven years.”

“Will Chuuya eat now?”

“You’re not going to go away until I do, are you?”

“Like I said; I’m not leaving til Chibi’s well enough to throw me out himself.”

“Fucking...fine.”

Dazai blinked down at him, surprise flashing accross his features before it was once again masked behind that pleasant, charming smile he so often liked to wear.

“If it’ll make you leave sooner, fine. I’m too sick to deal with your bullshit. If it’s poisoned, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your shitty life.”

“Whatever Chibi says.”

“Shut up and help me sit up. I’m not lying here while you spoon feed me like an infant.”

“But Chibi’s as small as-“

“Finish that sentence and I will maim you”

Dazai once again set the bowl to the side and, far more carefully than Chuuya would expect from the bandaged bastard, helped me into a semi-sitting position, back pressed against the mountain of pillows Chuuya insisted on keeping on his bed. Chuuya was sure to keep his movements slow so as not to aggravate his injuries or spark another bout of dizziness.

“Why does Chuuya have so many pillows?”

“Why are you so interested?”

“No reason, just curious.”

“I’ll believe your ‘just curious’ line when you go a week without getting slapped.”

“It’s day six, I’m sure I can manage.”

“Sure you can.”

“Want to bet on it?”

“Right now, fuck no.”

“Chuuya’s no fun when he’s ill.”

Chuuya didn’t dignify that with a response, merely gesturing for Dazai to hand him the bowl. Dazai seemed hesitant but Chuuya’s glare intensified and he gave a put upon sigh, as if he was the one being inconvenienced in this situation, before handing the bowl over.

Chuuya propped it in his lap carefully, making sure there was no chance of him accidentally tipping it over, before taking his first spoonful of the bouillabaisse. He closed his eyes as the taste hit his tongue. It had been a while since he’d managed to visit the cafe and this was, admittedly, just what he needed.

Movement drew his attention and, as he turned his head, he noticed Dazai hopping off the bed and heading towards the door. Suspicious of what he was doing but not being able to follow, Chuuya returned his attention to the bowl in his lap and continued to eat.

It was as he was finishing (he stil had about a third of the bowl left but he couldn’t make himself eat any more) that Dazai returned, two slightly steaming mugs in his hands. Chuuya couldn’t stop himself raising an eyebrow when he realised exactly what was inside them.

“Really?”

“Chibi kept it in the same place.”

“The minute you go, I’m changing the locks.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t anyway.”

“I forgot you had a key. Trust me, I will.”

Dazai made no comment, simply taking the bowl away and replacing it with the steaming mug of chamomile and spiced apple tea he’d procured from Chuuya’s kitchen.

The scent, like that of the bouillabaisse, was familiar, calming and made Chuuya relax further into the pillows. Breathing in the fragrant steam, he could almost pretend that the aches and pains were non-existent, that he wasn’t still overly-warm and uncomfortable from fever and that Dazai, bandaged bastard that he was, actually gave a damn rather than this pretence he was putting up for some unknown reason.

“This doesn’t change anything,” he murmured, tone soft as he took his first sip. The warmth traveled down his throat and settled in his stomach, pleasant rather than the uncomfortable warmth he felt everywhere else.

“...I know.”

“Then why bother?”

“Because…” Dazai paused but Chuuya didn’t look at him, didn’t want to see what emotions were passing over his face. He couldn’t trust that anything he saw was real. “Because I’ve changed and, the other night, I acted like I would have four years ago and...I didn’t like it.”

There it was. This wasn't about Chuuya at all. It was about Dazai feeling guilty that he’d not stuck to whatever precious morals he’d managed to scrape together over the past few years.

“And,” Dazai continued, capturing Chuuya’s attention before his thoughts could primal any further downwards. “I realised I should’ve been a better partner and taken you to the extraction point.”

As if he was going to believe that horseshit.

“So you think taking care of me now makes up for it?”

“No,” Dazai admitted and Chuuya was tempted to turn, to see what affected emotion was on that face but he resisted, keeping his eyes closed and breathing in the sweet scent of his tea. “But I’m hoping Chuuya wil find it in him to give me a chance to do better next time.”

“And what if, next time, you just say fuck it and don’t stop me?”

Because, as much as he’d cursed Dazai after waking up and dragging himself to Mori’s office, as much as he’d ranted and raved about how he should have known better than to trust the bastard to do what he’d asked...he’d still held out some shred of hope that Dazai would do what he’d said. When they were partners, Dazai had occasionally taken off after Chuuya had used Corruption but, in those circumstances, there were almost always other members of the Port Mafia around (typically Hirotsu) who would make sure he got back safe. This time, it had just been them so his only option afterwards had been Dazai.

And Dazai had abandoned him there.

It wasn’t a big step from ‘not taking me somewhere safe after using Corruption’ to ‘not stopping me when I use Corruption’.

“That won’t happen.”

And Chuuya had to look at him, had to see his expression because what the hell?

Dazai’s tone nad been sharp, almost commanding. As he met that amber, steely gaze, Chuuya felt something in him react (though what it was, he couldn’t be sure). Dazai’s eyes were determined, focused on Chuuya like he was the only thing that mattered in that moment. He couldn’t remember a look like that ever being directed at him before.

“And why’s that?” The words left him almost involuntarily, tone not quite biting as he locked gazes with Dazai, willing himself to see through whatever act teh bastard might put up, ready to focus on any microexpression that might slip through the cracks.

“Chibi’s not allowed to die.”

“What’s it to you if I die or not? Newsflash; you’re the one that left, not me.”

“Chibi’s not allowed to die,” Dazai repeated, as if by saying it again he could make Chuuya accept it. Not happening - he was sick, not oblivious.

“Why do you suddenly care?”

“Chibi wouldn’t believe me if I told him.”

“Try me.”

“Chibi’s pretty when he’s angry.”

That statement caused Chuuya to nearly spill hot tea over himself as he stared, incredulous at Dazai who was now deliberately not looking at him.

What. The. Fuck.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I told you.”

How the hell was he meant to react to that?

“I have no idea how to respond to that statement and, right now, part of me is sure you’re just a hallucination brought on by fever.”

Dazai let out a small chuckle at that statement, turning to look at Chuuya again. That warmth that had been in his eyes when he’d talked about Atsushi was...directed at him. When had this happened? How was he supposed to react to this? Was this really Dazai Osamu? It didn’t seem likely but…

...but an imposter wouldn’t have known about his favourite food when he was ill, wouldn’t have reacted when he brought up that particular event in March five years ago, wouldn’t have teased him quite so much if they were trying to get into his good graces. There was too much that was so purely Dazai that the only conclusion he could come to was that he was, in fact, speaking with the real him.

And that thought was mildly terrifying because…

Dazai Osamu told him, to his face, that he was pretty.

“You know, you don’t have to say anything,’ Dazai commented, that stupid, warm expression still in his eyes and the corners of his mout turned up in a small smile that looked far more genuine than anything Chuuya could remember seeing during their three years together. “”But you asked so…” He shrugged, as if he didn’t really care whether Chuuya responded or not.

“You expect me not to say something after that?”

Dazai shruged again, as if he couldn’t care less what Chuuya had to say.

“So, what does Chibi have to say?”

...that was a good question and, unfortunately, it wasn’t one he had an answer to. This...was never something he thought he’d ever have to deal with. Dazai had never, to Chuuya’s knowledge, admitted an attraction to another male. And for said male to be Chuuya of all people…

“When, exactly, did you…?” How did he even finish the question?

“Yesterday,” Dazai admitted.

“...and how did you come to this realisation?”

Keep talking, keep asking questions. Maybe it would start to make sense if he just kept asking questions.

This time, Dazai didn’t answer and Chuuya felt a surge of annoyance. Dazai had been surprisingly forthright so far but he’d known that, at some point, he’d clam up and stop answering.

“I...think I’d prefer to tell you that some other time.”

Wait, what? Dazai wasn’t refusing to answer the question, just refusing to answer it now?

“So…” Chuuya began, eyes narrowed as he put the pieces together. “You break into my flat, bring me food, say you’re going to look after me until I feel well enough to kick your bandaged ass out and now you’re saying you think I’m pretty (which you only realised yesterday!) but you’re not giving me a reason why you suddenly think this even though I know you’ve only ever been attracted to women?”

Dazai shrugged again, the motion easy and careless. Chuuya let himself flop back against his pillow mountain, lifting an arm to cover his face so he wouldn’t have to look at the bandaged bastard, not caring at the uncomfortable sensations from the bruises as he did so.

“You’re really something, you know that?”

“Is that a good thing?”

Chuuya didn’t dignify that with a response, just kept his arm over his eyes and tried to proces the last few minutes of their conversation.

“This still doesn’t change anything,.”

“I know.”

“Then what do you want?”

“For you to give me another chance.”

“And if I don’t?”

Dazai didn’t reply for a while and Chuuya was, once again, tempted to look at him but resolutely did not. He did lower his arm but kept his eyes closed. He lifted the mug of cooling tea to his lips again and finished it off in a few small sips. Wordlessly, Dazai took it from his hand and he heard it being set down on the nightstand.

“Then you don’t.”

“Just like that?‘

“Just like that.”

“You’re not going to try some stupid shit to win me over?”

“Would it work?”

That...was a fair point. Chuuya knew Dazai’s tricks, had seen them used often enough that he could practically recite them word for word, rehearsed gesture for rehearsed gestures. If Dazai tried any of his normal shit with Chuuya, he’d know and kick the bastard’s ass for it. The fact that Dazai had acknowledged that, had admitted that his normal methods wouldn’t work on him...

“And besides,’ Dazai continued. “Why would I trick you into something like this/‘

“Because it would amuse you. You’d find this sort of shit funny: don’t even bother denying it.”

“Maybe,” Dazai admitted. “But I’ve decided that if anything happens, I don’t want it to be because I tricked you into it.”

Chuuya was once again having doubts that this was, in fact, the real Dazai Osamu.

“Just ...think it over. I’m not expecting an answer any time soon.”

‘And if you never get one?”

“Then I’ll just have to live in hope that I’ll get one one day, won’t I?”

With that, Dazai once again left the room, taking the dirty cups and bowl with him. Chuuya was left alone with his thoughts which were currently roiling, unable to concentrate on any one thing for longer than a. Few seconds before soemthing else captured his attention.

He did’t know how to feel, didn’t know how to react. This was no t something he had ever considered a possibility under any circumstance and, now that he was fed and relatively comfortable, he didn’t really want to think about it. As quickly as his mind was flitting from subject to subject, he could feel it also beginning to slow as his body decided that, having been awake for a decent amount of time, it was now time to return to unconsciousness so that his body could focus on healing itself.

Gingerly, he shuffled back under the covers so only his head was supported by the pillows and curled up on his side facing the door. He opened his eyes, watching for Dazai. His eyes were drooping however and, as he closed them, he was vaguely aware of the sensation of a hand running through his hair again as he drifted off to sleep.

———-

A few weeks later, head in Dazai’s lap and fingers once again stroking through his hair, Chuuya couldn’t help but think that, maybe, just maybe, it was worth giving Dazai that second chance.

#soukokuweek19 #Soukoku #Day 7 #free day #Nakahara Chuuya #Dazai Osamu #Dazai is an idiot #sfw #Chuuya needs a hug #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #dazai x chuuya #bungou stray dogs bsd #fanfiction #soukoku week #idiots in love

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scarlet-nin · 5 years

Text

DazaixHappiness week Day 1: Flowers

„Are you comfortable down there?”

Not bothering to open his eye, he hums. With the sun intent on caressing him in a heated embrace due to the blackness of his clothes he doesn’t find the wind bothersome. Like ripples across the river, the breeze brushes the heat away.

It’s the shadow falling over him, casting a shield from the dangers of the sun to the tender skin on his face, which makes his eye open. The sight greeting him is far brighter than the rays of the sun.

“Careful not to get sunburnt in this weather.”

Eyes bluer than the sky, clear without white clouds hiding the view, seem to crinkle in the drowning warmth of a gaze he’s all too familiar with. It’s hard not to grin back into the face looming above his, so he doesn’t try to hide the smile tugging his lips upwards.

“Dying of a heat stroke isn’t on my agenda today, Odasaku. That’s too plain. Also, it infers with my ability to think, so that’s also a big no.”

Dazai pets the grass, soft and easy to sink into with a hand. Oda sinks down next to him, not laying down but sitting with his legs crossed. He doesn’t bother to ask how his friend found him, finding the detail unnecessary in favor of savoring the company of a man brighter than the color of the spring surrounding them.

It’s too bad, he thinks, only having one eye free of coverage. Otherwise he’d get to sort out all the different shades of red shining through russet locks easier, naming a few that come to mind. Beige coat too light for the tanned skin visible, a pleasant contrast to look at.

“That’s good.”

Oda says it like he means it, Dazai knows he does just like every other word but it never fails to amaze him. An honesty unlike any other free of judgement. He reaches up to unbutton his jacket, loosening the tie in the process. Breathing feels easier this way even though wearing his ties reminded him more of a noose than a piece of fashion.

“I did come here to try out another suicide method! But it doesn’t appear to be working.”

Dazai pouts as he lunges forward with his upper body to mirror Oda’s seating style. Their knees brush neither pointing out how close they sit.

“How unfortunate for you. To have to endure this kind of weather all on your own after such a disappointment, it’s a good thing I found my way here to keep you company.”

“Now you’re just making fun of me,” Puffing out his cheeks, Dazai huffs as he glances around the colorful ray of flowers. “You’re mean, Odasaku. After I showed you my coffin too!”

“Coffin?”

“Yeah!”

At the slow blink of his friend Dazai grins as he gestures to where he had been laying before.

“Death by breathing in poisonous flowers! That way, the sweet aroma would have put me to sleep and I’d never would have woken up again. Nobody would have to leave flowers on my grave too, since they’re already here.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but none of the flowers here are in any way poisonous.”

Dazai sighs, nodding. He’s known after twenty minutes of dozing off like this. Putting his head on his hand he glares at the flowers. Maybe if he stares long enough, they might combust and turn into poisonous gas.

Five minutes later, no such luck then.

“Here.”

“What?”

“You said the flowers are here, but since you didn’t die, I’ll give you one to take with you instead.”

Oda smiles, slipping the flower behind his ear. It’s a shade of violet and blue, dark purple veins spreading across the petals shaped like a bell.

Dazai is glad he took of his tie. Otherwise he might have suffocated now.

“Well, that’s no fair! If I get a flower from Odasaku, then he has to get one from me! Or better a whole crown. I couldn’t choose a single flower here, so you’ll have to put up with lots of them.”

He’s already picking out flowers, careful not to jostle the one behind his ear as he chooses different shades. Oda nods, helping to pick out a bunch as Dazai starts to work on binding them together. It’s harder than he thought. But he’s good with his fingers and he’s got enough pieces of small wires on him for lock-picking so he manages to make one.

“There! Not my best work, but it’ll have to do until I can make a better one someday.”

Despite the way it looks, some petals falling off from harsh tugging, no real pattern to the different shades of white, red and yellow, Oda wears it without protest. He looks ridiculous, crown too small and unruly. It doesn’t match the calmness of his face.

Dazai snorts as Oda inclines his head, careful not to jostle the fragile mess of flowers of his head as his lips form a smile.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“Only you would think so,” Dazai laughs, tempted to take a photo knowing his friend wouldn’t mind. “Say, how do you feel about—"

“Dazai!”

“What?!”

Whining as he raises a hand to shield his eyes from the sun or the fiery scowl sent his way as he squints up to get his eyes to focus, he resists the urge to yawn. Shades of red fade into a sunny blonde just like the sky fades into a steely grey. Kunikida’s upside down face glaring down at him.

“We’ve been trying to wake you up for the last five minutes and you didn’t even twitch! Get out of your vest before you die of a heat stroke and eat something.”

Before he can do so much as open his mouth there’s a tuna sandwich thrown at his face which he manages to catch in time. Pushing himself up to unwarp it, he takes a large bite out of it to appease Yosano’s scrutiny.

Right. Today was a day off for all of them. One to relax while having fun and doing something normal for once. The very reason why Kunikida insisted on sleeping on his couch and dragged him into the car with a warning that if he should try to disappear, they’d declare it a fair hunting game for all of the Agency with a prize on his head.

Not wanting to spent his day running as much fun as it might be to grate on Kunikida’s nerves he’d been obedient so far. Taking the time to lay down in the shade as soon as they came to the spot Fukuzawa had chosen to do their picknick.

A large field of flowers with enough space for Kenji to go run about, or Atsushi should he desire to do so. There’s the gentle trickling of a river near them, one he had been forbidden from jumping into much to his dismay and the soft buzz of bees having seduced him to rest his eyes for a few minutes. Thankful for the large tree giving them coverage from the heat of the unforgiving sun, he yawns. He truly must have been tired then. To sleep like this in the mist of their chattering.

“You’ll finish that later.”

Yosano’s voice is firm as she takes the half-eaten sandwich back into the basket by her side. Dazai nods, knowing it’s a losing battle to try to argue his way out. He finds he doesn’t really want to with the edge of sleep hovering over his mind like a cloud above his head.

“You three, don’t wander too far. Also, be careful of your surroundings. If you manage to spill our tea with your game, you’ll be on paperwork duty for the next week.”

“Listen to the mother-hen,” Dazai grins only to wince when Kunikida elbows him into the side. He wheezes. “Now off you go before he decides to give you the talk about talking to strangers too!”

Kyouka, Kenji and Atsushi scurry off, Naomi and Tanizaki on their heels as they engage in a sporty game of tag.

“It’s way too hot for this kind of thing.”

“How aren’t you melting?”

Ranpo narrows his eyes as he keeps fanning himself with the fan Kunikida made him. Dazai shrugs, not bothering to answer as he finally tugs off his vest. Ranpo huffs, turning back to his game of chess with Fukuzawa as Yosano and Kunikida share a cup of sake.

Dazai lets his gaze wander from the game to overlook the field. A habit fit to his former occupation. He doesn’t let his gaze focus on anything for too long. He sees Atsushi trip into the river as Tanizaki vanishes into green snow. It’s enough to let a smile flash across his face as he hears the boy spluttering and hissing like a wet cat as he yells about the topic of cheating before he’s aware of the way his fingers drum on the top of his knees.

He’s restless. Startled into sudden awareness might do that to a Mafia Executive but he can’t blame Kunikida for his temper any more than he could have blamed Chuuya back in their days. If anything, it’s his own fault for falling asleep so quickly and so deeply.

He doesn’t pay attention to the game he knows Fukuzawa will lose in five turns, he glances at Kunikida, who narrows his eyes at him in suspicion before he turns back to Yosano.

Dazai snorts at the wariness his silence has caused before his fingers start picking out flowers. He’s careful in his choice, collecting them in his lap before his fingers start to work as his mind wanders.

His work is neater this time around. Bigger too. His choice of colors is different, softer in their pastel shades than the vibrant ones he’d used before. He’s braiding and tying stems together. Adding a flower when he deems fit only to twist the stem of the additional one over the other so they end up over the left and middle one.

“Woah, that’s so pretty Mister Dazai!”

“It is, isn’t it?”

Not aware that the game of tag has been cut short, he waves the finished product of his nimble work around like a bouquet. Kyouka and Atsushi come to sit beside him, their eyes stuck on the arrangement of flowers he’s bound together.

“I’d say it’s a crown for the Queen of the Agency, but Kunikida-kun is such a grump! So, he’ll need this over anyone else to make him prettier.”

Dazai puts the crown on Kunikida’s head whose protests are drowned out by Dazai clapping his hands like a child after seeing a good theater play made of dolls.

Hands empty, he finds it easier to look at the crown on Kunikida’s head, who growls and crosses his arms but leaves it be than having it in his hands.

“I want one too! But with other flowers. You better make it just as good if not greater than your first one.”

Ranpo demands, looking sullen as he leans against the base of the tree. Knowing better than to reject any wish of the man Dazai rises to his feet to collect new flowers. Kyouka, Atsushi and Kenji are more than willing to help him pick them out.

“Can you teach me?”

“Me too, please!”

“Can you do other stuff with flowers too?”

“Of course! But I don’t have any more pieces of wire to make more. If only my ability couldn’t cancel yours, Kunikida-kun.”

Kunikida rolls his eyes but takes his pen and notebook out. Soon enough, he’s showing the rest of the Agency with exception of Fukuzawa, Yosano and Ranpo, who preens with his chest puffed out and head held high about his new choice of hat wear how to make crowns, necklaces and other things with the flowers they pick out.

At this rate there might not be any left.

“No, no Kunikida-kun. You’re tying this wrong.”

“What? What am I doing wrong? I tied it just the way you said!”

“Look, brother, now we have a matching set!”

“Not so close, Naomi.” Tanizaki flushes as she snuggles up his arms, nearly sitting on his lap.

“You need to tie it this way around—”

Dazai makes a motion with his hand, gently pulling the stem the other way around before holding it out for Kunikida to take.

“—see? This way it later won’t be all that visible underneath the wire and it won’t fall apart.”

Atsushi fumbles with his crown as Kyouka puts her necklace around his neck before she reaches out to help him adjust his flowers in a braid pattern.

“Who taught you to make those?”

“There are some things in this world which don’t need to be taught. Or perhaps, I’m just a natural with my hands?”

Dazai winks as Kunikida hits him over the head, giving him a warning glance as his eyes stray over to where Kenji was sitting, drinking a glass of cold kept milk.

“Kunikida, don’t aim for the head, he needs that. Everything else is fair game.”

Ranpo chides, stuffing his face with sweet bread they’ve brought on their way here. Dazai gasps, all dramatic antics as he puts a hand on his chest and makes himself comfortable against the branch of their tree.

“How rude! What would the good Doctor say about you injuring me?”

“She’d say to keep that up if you want to go to the hospital.”

Yosano says, voice dry but amusement making her face look softer as she tugs a piece of hair behind her ear. She holds out a water bottle towards him. The cold water washes down his throat as refreshing as a jump into the river would have been.

“This should be a more regular occurrence.”

Fukuzawa’s voice is soothing. Not the sickening sweet tenor Dazai knows from Mori. Both powerful men in their own rights, but he finds the sentimental values of the Director far more pleasant than the logical reasonings to Mori’s purposes.

The President’s face is harsh and he’s nowhere near soft but he’s kind.

A difference Dazai’s willing to fight for.

“That could be arranged if it wasn’t for the nutcases running around our city and someone in this group that seems it fit to disappear whenever he likes it.”

At Ranpo’s pointed glance his way, Dazai crosses his arms and starts to whistle. He fools no one, but they let the topic slide in favor of Kenji pointing out the different shapes of the clouds in the sky, starting to appear.

He chimes in when he finds it necessary. The slight dampness of his bandages is gross, but nothing he hasn’t endured before. It’s odd. Spending a day like this.

“I’ll go and see if I can catch some fish in the river!”

“No—wait, Kenji don’t.”

Kunikida trips, steading himself just in time as he runs after the boy. Knowing they’d have to gut the fish if they wanted to eat them and it’d be just a mess. Dazai grins, rising to his feet only to sneak up on his partner to push him into the river.

“Dazai!”

The water is shallow, but Kunikida’s soaked through. He’s almost jealous. Jumping in with only the layers he’s got on his person would mean the bandages would unravel, so he dances out of the way of Kunikida’s attempt to tackle him into the water in his fury as he crackles.

“Someone needs to get this on video! Kunikida-kun looks like a drowned kitten! All hissing and spitting. All I did was give you a way to refresh yourself. You should learn to relax a little.”

“I’ll drown you, get back here, waste of bandages!”

“No way~.”

They stop their violent game of tag when Kunikida’s face gets red enough to rival the shade of Tanizaki’s hair. Dazai grins at him when they drive back a few hours later before asking to be set off quite a long walk away from the dorms.

“Ah, no tries at another suicide attempt, I know. I just remembered I had to do something today. A lady to take out, that kind of stuff Kunikida-kun knows nothing about. See you guys tomorrow!”

He shuts the car door to their curious faces and Kunikida’s cry of outrage before he could try to lunge out of the car to strangle him and waves as they drive off.

Colors of orange, red and yellow melting into a shower of molten gold. The light filtering through the trees casts a glow of light onto the grey tomb. He settles down against it like he always does. Back leaning against the stone, face set to stare off into the distant sunset as he places a single crown of flowers onto the grave.

“This one looks much nicer than the others, don’t you think?”

There’s no answer. He doesn’t need one for he already knows it.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

_________________________________________________________

@dazaixhappinessweek2k19

#DazaixHappinessweek2k19 #I know I'm late #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #armed detective agency #oda sakunosuke #fanfic #bsd fanfic

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marshmallowgoop · 5 years

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Studio Trigger Live Drawing with Mago (03/13/19): Transcript (Non-Verbatim)

Studio Trigger streamed their fourth Twitch live drawing at 19:00 JST on March 13, 2019. The stream features Space Patrol Luluco character designer Mago drawing Trigger-chan from Trigger Girls and Luluco from Space Patrol Luluco, as well as a Q and A with producer Hiromi Wakabayashi and translator Tatsuru Tatemoto. A full video of the stream is available on Twitch here.

I’ve put together a transcript of the stream for anyone curious about the Q and A. While the transcript is not verbatim, all the meaning should still be captured.

Transcript

Tatsuru Tatemono (Tattun): Okay. Thank you for joining us on our fourth live-drawing session. We have Mago as our guest tonight. I’m aware that it’s very late for a lot of our followers. Thank you for stopping by. It’s 3:00 am in Seattle. Thank you very much for stopping by.

Again, Mago is our guest animator or guest illustrator today. As usual, Hiromi Wakabayashi is here as our MC. I, Tattun, will be doing the translation and moderation for the stream tonight. Tonight, we are having Mago draw Studio Trigger’s mascot character, Trigger-chan. I believe we had a special request from Mago that she wanted to draw Luluco as well. So, I think, uh, we would like…

Mago says that it’s a pleasure to meet you. She says that her name is Mago the Illustrator, and she’ll do her best today. Hiromi Wakabayashi says konnichiwa, as usual.

I’m sorry if it looks dark. It’s our camera. We’re going to be focusing on the illustration part a little bit more, so hopefully, the darkness won’t be too bothersome. I guess Hiromi brought a pre-release item from Promare that he was quality checking.

I’m very sorry. We’ll have our audio pumped up a little bit more.

So, we noticed that there’s a little glare on Mago’s tablet. We’re going to try to get rid of the glare so that you have a better view of how she is working with her illustration. Today, Mago is working with SAI 1, the first version of SAI. I believe she’s using the Cintiq 16, the newest tablet by Wacom. Otherwise, she’s using a wireless keyboard and mouse. When we upload the video on YouTube, I’ll make sure to cover all the specifics in the comments section.

Okay. So, I think we will get started with the Q and A session like usual. However, before we do so, note that this stream is brought to you by all the lovely support we receive from Patreon. Thank you. If you’re interested in becoming a supporter as well, the link is provided on our Twitter page. Please check it out if you’re curious. We try to provide digital rewards as frequently as possible, so if you’re interested in those things, do definitely give our Patreon a glance when you have some time!

So, for the people who are unfamiliar, Mago usually works on a lot of Studio Trigger’s SD character designs. She’s been a part of every single project except for DARLING in the FRANXX, which doesn’t really count because DARLING in the FRANXX is a collaboration work and not a 100% genuine Trigger show. Mago wasn’t part of Inferno Cop, either. Inferno Cop is a prestigious Trigger title, Hiromi says, so she needs more experience with Studio Trigger. We’re receiving some comments that Mago’s not a part of Turning Girls as well.

Well, that was the introduction. Let’s get started with the Q and A session. Again, if you’re a part of our Patreon, you will have the opportunity to cast a vote on what kinds of questions will be asked and what kinds of illustrations will be drawn during these streams.

Hiromi and Mago are explaining that Mago’s drawing is an interesting line-up of characters. You don’t usually see these two characters together because they’re obviously the same character.

I have a question from Paul Schmidt: “Mago-san, I noticed you're only credited as the character designer and with ending illustrations on Space Patrol Luluco in Anime News Network's (ANN) encyclopedia, yet on your Twitter profile introduction, you list Kill la Kill, so I was wondering how you were involved with Kill la Kill? The reason I ask is because I personally submitted the staff and company credits to the ANN encyclopedia page for Kill la Kill, and your name (まご) is not credited in any episode, at least according to the corresponding page on the アニメスタッフデータベース [staff database].”

So, Mago says that she wrote Kill la Kill on her profile because she was responsible for one of the back illustrations for the Blu-ray/DVD jacket and was also in charge of the small SD characters for merchandise. That’s why she wrote about her involvement in Kill la Kill on her Twitter profile.

What is an SD character? I think SD stands for “Small Deformed” or “Super Deformed.” I’m not too sure. If that’s not the term used in English, I’m very sorry. Please tell me the term used in English. It’s Super Deformed?

So, Hiromi says that it’s called Super Deformed or SD in Japan because it started out originally from Gundam or Macross, which had a mini-mech series called “Super Deformed.” Hiromi suggests that you should stop calling the designs “chibi” and use the term “SD” because that’s the term that the proper anime industry uses! [Laughing.]

I guess Mago is going to take her time on the color and make a very Canvas illustration.

We have a question from Chen Luohan (I’m sorry if I mispronounce your name): “Hi Trigger! The production of anime fascinates me. What is the pipeline in the production of an anime series? What do you consider first when starting out with the ideas? Story? Character? Settings? Thank you very much!”

Wakabayashi says that they come up with a concept and foundation for what kind of series they want to make first. The concept might be something very, very broad, like family love or family bonding. Imaishi might be simpler; he might just want an anime with drills and that’s it. Once Trigger has that keyword—for example, Gurren Lagann would be “drill”—Trigger gets together to brainstorm how to make an interesting story from the one keyword, like “drill” in the case of Gurren Lagann.

Mago says she’s never put too much thought into her style formation. She generally likes drawing illustrations with very few shadows and lines. Before she knew it, she came up with her current style.

Hiromi noticed that Mago likes to clean up or refine her lines. She says that she cleans up where she feels like it! Mago says that she thought it might be more interesting for the viewers if she’s working on various parts of the illustration rather than concentrating on one part.

Mago and a few of our studio staffs went to Comic Fiesta, a decently large event in Malaysia. The event was a few months ago, I believe, during the Christmas season, but we were talking about how it’s actually summer during winter in Malaysia, so the event was very warm.

All three of us are saying that if we’re invited to a local event, we’ll most likely come out if it’s not conflicting with our schedule. This year, we want to try various places and go outside of the States more, to anywhere in Europe, Asia, etc.

We have an interesting question from EiGi696969: “Mago, do you have any interest in directing? Would you like to direct an anime one day?”

Mago says that she has no interest. She is a manga artist as well. She explains that when she draws a manga, she has to do everything; she has to come up with the story and concepts, which is like directing. It’s a lot of work. She doesn’t think she enjoys it too much.

For example, Mago says that it’s hard to motivate herself when she’s coming up with a story because she wants to... If she’s told to draw a manga, she tries to draw a character she’s currently interested in drawing. It’s hard for her to draw a pre-existing character that she’s told to draw.

A while ago, Mago was drawing a series of manga that featured Studio Trigger. The manga was about the daily nonsense of Studio Trigger. I think it was published through Utek Magazine [sp?]. Mago likes doing that kind of diary-type manga, she thinks.

We have a question from reportas1: “What are your favorite characters that you have drawn?”

Mago enjoys drawing Luluco the most. She also enjoys drawing Mako from Kill la Kill.

Wakabayashi says that they receive a lot of questions about DARLING in the FRANXX, asking if they are satisfied with the story and ending.

Studio Trigger’s general stance, as a studio, is that they basically try to give an idea to the director. The director, Nishigori Atsushi, usually comes up with a concept or idea that he wants to do. The studio gives him feedback and sees if he likes the feedback. The director obviously makes the final call. It’s very hard to say if Studio Trigger “liked” the ending sequence of DARLING in the FRANXX or not, Wakabayashi says.

Sorry, there was a misunderstanding! We’re not talking about the ending sequence. Wakabayashi did the production for the ending sequence of DARLING in the FRANXX, so he’s super satisfied with that! If the question is about the how the story was wrapped up, Wakabayashi says that the ending is the director’s choice, and he doesn’t think that it’s right of Studio Trigger to comment on how the story wrapped up.

There’s a question from Patreon’s Bill Erak: “How involved is Trigger in the dubbing process of their shows? I've heard of directors that sometimes get involved in dubs, but that's more of an exception. I ask because KLK had an amazing dub, Luluco's was pretty dope too, while LWA's sucks. Are those things left to whoever distributes it on the west? Can't you, Tattun, maybe check the dubs, and if they suck, tell them so that they change them?”

So, I thought this was a pretty interesting question. To this day, I don’t think many Japanese studios or production committees give much thought into this matter. Studio Trigger obviously doesn’t check or even receive a notice for a revision of the dubbing process. Wakabayashi says that he thinks that, if they made a request to the dubbers and distributors overseas to check on the dubbing process and auditions, they might be able to comment. However, distributors don’t even ask if the studio is satisfied with their work, so Wakabayashi guesses that it’s just very unnatural—or there’s no previous incidence—for a studio or production committee to comment on the dubbing process.

If given the opportunity, Studio Trigger would like to direct their dubbing as well, though, Wakabayashi says. Wakabayashi says that he would like Inferno Cop to be dubbed by Leonardo DiCaprio! [Laughing.]

tigermac from Twitch asks: “Mago, how many sketchbooks have you filled up since the start of your art career?”

Mago says that she doesn’t have a sketchbook! I guess she doesn’t really practice. She likes to doodle on her PC, and if it turns out well, she’ll share it on her Twitter. If not, she’ll usually toss out the files.

Whatever illustration or doodle Mago feels satisfied with is updated on her Twitter, so please check out her Twitter. I’ll post her Twitter on the YouTube upload as well, so please check that out if you’re interested, but I’m sure it’s not too difficult to find Mago’s Twitter if you just Google “Mago.” We have a couple of viewers posting Mago’s Twitter now!

I guess Mago is having a little trouble drawing Trigger-chan. Mago doesn’t draw Trigger-chan too often. She’s going to redo the drawing from the rough draft portion, she says.

There’s a question from Patreon, from Harry Bonyari (very sorry if I mispronounce your name): “I know you’re a big fan of sneakers. How do you let your interest in fashion inform your work?”

Mago says that she’s not too keen on fashion, but she does like sneakers. When she feels like drawing particular sneakers, she’ll usually draw the character in some kind of cool clothes to go with the sneakers. However, she doesn’t know if she lets her choice of fashion affect her work too much.

There’s a question from Cesar A. Morillo: “Is Inferno Cop Season 2 coming either this year or next?”

There’s no ETA for Inferno Cop, says Wakabayashi. It’s ready when it’s ready. If Studio Trigger focused on Inferno Cop, they would have to delay Promare, and Wakabayashi is sure that you don’t want that! He’s sure that you’d prefer to watch Imaishi’s and Amemiya’s new actual series instead!

Wakabayashi says that the studio has a lot of ideas for Inferno Cop 2, though. In every creative meeting for other projects, they usually get derailed and talk about Inferno Cop. They are waiting for the opportunity to utilize their ideas. Maybe Mago’s SD designs will be featured in the new Inferno Cop season, Wakabayashi says! [Laughing.]

There’s a question from Ben Veltri: “For Mago: In terms of drawing ability, how do animators and illustrators differ? Do you think illustrators are better?”

Okay, so we got some pretty interesting answers! This was a question from Patreon, again.

So, I guess, the question was, in terms of drawing abilities, how do animators and illustrators differ, and which is better? Hiromi and Mago said that the two jobs are different and can’t be compared; different skills are involved. An animator has to draw a character or object from every angle and in motion. An illustrator is meant to express with one single illustration, which might be hard for an animator to do—to convey a message with a single illustration. It’s very hard to compare. Mago says that she feels like it’s harder for an animator to acquire their set of skills, though.

EiGi696969, your question is interesting. It doesn’t hurt to answer your question twice. The question is, “What is your stance on piracy? Does it cost the studio any money when people pirate their anime? Do you think it’s a necessary evil? Do you think it’s something that will go away or get worse in the future?”

I guess Hiromi is saying that nowadays, there are so many different streaming services that everyone can watch what people in Japan can watch. In the past, that wasn’t the case, though. A lot of anime weren’t made available for much of the anime community. Those people had to illegally download, view, or stream anime elsewhere. Also, those people supported the community. Hiromi does agree that piracy is a necessary evil (or used to be).

Hiromi is speaking about an ideal situation, but even if you did watch Studio Trigger’s works illegally, he says to please watch it on a legit streaming service as well because it leads to success for the general industry.

We got a question from faux_wizard from Reddit, I believe. By the way, thank you for your help a while back. The question is: “How did Mago end up working alongside Trigger?”

Okay, so this goes pretty back in the days. Wakabayashi was working on... There’s this idol unit called Emitsu Private Middle School [sp?]. Uh, I’m sorry. There’s this talent, named Ai Ai [sp?]. There was an offer to do an illustration on her; Wakabayashi had an offer to draw her, and Wakabayashi talked to Nishigori Atsushi, the director for DARLING in the FRANXX and character designer for Gurren Lagann, about how this person named Mago draws really cute girls.

So, Wakabayashi and Nishigori thought that Mago’s illustration style was cute, so they asked Mago to do a comic spin-off about Ai Ai. Mago agreed. Two months later, the studio started working on Kill la Kill and asked Mago if she was interested in creating the official SD designs for Kill la Kill. Ever since then, Mago has been working on various Studio Trigger titles.

It’s been maybe roughly seven years, Hiromi says, that they’ve been working with Mago. They’ve been working with Mago since before they were making anime series. It’s been a long time! Mago is the studio’s go-to person when they need a cute design, Wakabayashi says.

Wakabayashi says that when they were coming up with Space Patrol Luluco, which was their fifth-year anniversary anime title, they approached Mago. It was kind of a joke series at the same time as well.

There’s a question from cataphractz: “Do any of you have a particular anime character you like outside of Trigger?”

Mago’s favorite character outside of Trigger works is this pirate character from Nintama Rantarou. Have you ever heard of Nintama Rantarou? The series is about these little ninjas in training. The anime is very, very… it airs every day on NHK. It’s a longtime-running series in Japan. Mago’s favorite character’s name is Atoi, the pirate. He only appears about once a year in the series. Mago made a lot of doujin.

I guess Hiromi is going to Google some fan illustrations that Mago posted.

So, we were discussing that it’s hard to come up with a character that we like. We have so many characters that we like! We thought it might be easier to think of a character we that we like from a series we recently watched. Hiromi didn’t know! He couldn’t think of any off the top of his head, so he told me to go first!

The studio boss, Masahiko Ohtsuka, bought Porco Rosso on Blu-ray recently, and I watched it. That film has always been one of my more favorite Ghibli films. It’s like waifu wars! You guys get new waifus every month. I don’t get new waifus that frequently; it’s hard to choose from all the numerous waifus. I recently watched Porco Rosso. I liked Fio. Porco is awesome as well, but Fio is smashing cute. At the moment, I like Fio. That’s what I was trying to say to Hiromi.

Mago says that she likes SpongeBob because it’s such a cute and funny show. She likes Gary, the cat-like snail!

Hiromi says that he likes Gwen more for Spider-Verse.

All right, this question is from Kuribo4: “Did you know Luluco would turn into Trigger when you designed her? Love your characters!”

So, Wakabayashi says that this goes a little bit back. They kind of neck-wrote their mascot characters 5-6 years ago. They wanted to do an April Fools’ joke. At the time, the mascot characters didn’t have names, but they just went with “Trigger Girls” for the joke. The joke was about making a new anime series about the Trigger Girls. The illustration for the joke was drawn by Mago.

Then, a few years later, they had the opportunity to do Space Patrol Luluco. Hiromi personally wanted to link that series with Trigger Girls. That’s also the reason why he wanted Mago to be the character designer for Luluco. Wakabayashi says that he wanted Luluco to transform into Trigger Girl in the end. He made a special request to director Imaishi and pushed for Mago to be the designer.

Luluco has a weird pigtail, Wakabayashi says. Hiromi says he made the request specifically to Mago because he wanted the pigtail to turn into… I don’t know how “ahoge” translates. It’s like a bad hair day? I don’t know what it is! We call it ahoge! I hope that answers your question, Kuribo! I see the term “cowlick” for “ahoge.”

Mago is currently doing a stage performance in Osaka. The script is done by Nakashima Kazuki. I’m assuming it’s doing well. It’s a pretty popular title.

This question is from Patreon. The user name is Grandpa: “Waka-Sama, when are we getting another Promare trailer?”

Wakabayashi is explaining that you can expect a new trailer in the near future, very soon.

[In response to unvoiced questions on the chat log about pizza.] So, Wakabayashi likes pizza and coke. Mago doesn’t really have a favorite type of pizza. I wondered if she supported pineapple on pizza. She’s indifferent, so I’m guessing she’s okay with pineapple on pizza.

So, everybody says that Galo from Promare looks really close to Kamina from Gurren Lagann. Wakabayashi is curious if people really think that way. Why don’t people think that Galo looks like Mikisugi if we’re thinking about half-naked guys with blue hair, Wakabayashi asks?

Wakabayashi says that Galo’s hairstyle is very natural if you think about his profession, which is firefighting. When running into a fire, there is a lot of hot air coming up, and that’s why Galo’s hair is always spiked up. There’s almost a buzz on the side because the hair on the side burns off!

So, no_04, I’ve seen your name on Twitter a few times. I think you follow me on Twitter. You strike a good point. Galo is basically Panty’s hair with Kamina.

So, again, no_04 made a good point, Wakabayashi says. Panty is the main character of Panty and Stocking. Galo is obviously the main character of Promare. If you notice, when Ryuko gets her Kisaragi outfit in the final episode, her hair is kind of spiked upwards, too. In all of Imaishi’s work, his main characters have this spiky hair. Even before Imaishi was a professional, he had a fan manga with a character whose hair spiked up as well. The hairstyle is an icon for a main character in Imaishi’s work. The hairstyle represents Imaishi’s stance to rebel against whatever is oppressing him. That’s why a lot of the characters—especially main characters—have spiky hair in Imaishi’s works.

I have a question from maxie721 who asks, “What about Mago? Any special features in her characters?”

Mago answers that she doesn’t really have any special features in her characters. When she tries to think too deeply, things don’t work out; she feels like she restricts herself too much, and it kind of kills the illustration on a whole.

There’s a question from Tony on Patreon that asks, “Would Studio Trigger ever do a “Basics of a Trigger Animation” tutorial on a live stream?”

Wakabayashi says the content in a Trigger animation tutorial would be pretty lecture-like and might not be too entertaining. There is a producer at Trigger who likes doing tutorials, though, and goes to colleges to do so. They would need a different line of staff to do a tutorial, however.

For those who want to know how to draw in general, Wakabayashi says, these kinds of streams are basically a cheat guide for you guys, which is why we do it. We make the streams available for later. If you don’t have time to watch a 2-3-hour stream, we make an edited version available for later. We should upload the stream within a few days. However, we haven’t uploaded the March stream yet because the tech staff has been too busy. We’ll hopefully get to it soon. If you’re a Patreon supporter, we provide .psd files for these illustrations, which is even more of a reference to work with for those who are interested. Please do check it out!

There was a question earlier on our Twitch chat log. The question was something along the lines of, “I saw one of the rougher illustrations or rough takes on Lalaco Godspeed. Why did you decide on short, bob-like hair for Lalaco?”

Wakabayashi says the answer is that Lalaco had a big fur coat and didn’t want the hair to overlap with that coat. Also, in terms of the design process for animation, Wakabayashi says that shorter-haired girls tend to be perceived as more energetic or active. Girls with longer hair tend to be perceived more as… I have to choose my words properly. They’re not docile. That’s a bad word! [Laughing] “Calm” or “reserved” would be what I’m thinking of. Short hair was used, Wakabayashi says, because Lalaco’s obviously a very aggressive person, and they thought the short hair would better portray her personality.

There’s a question from no_04: “Was it difficult for Mago-san to adapt Gridman or the kaiju to the SD style for the line stickers?”

Mago says that the kaiju was not very hard for her. She had more trouble redesigning Gridman and his other mechs. So, Mago can draw monsters and kaiju because they’re basically animals, she says. However, she has trouble drawing mechs and robots.

So, Hiromi was asking if Mago was having trouble redesigning this black object that the studio asked her to draw (and of which he can’t give too many details about).

So, this was a question from berikpo: “What are Mago’s favorite accessories to wear and to draw?”

Mago’s answer was sneakers. She likes Nike Air Force 1 in particular. However, the one she owns most are Air Jordans.

We have a question from Kikoman589: “Has Mago’s childhood or upbringing influenced her art in any way?”

When Mago was very young, her first manga she ever bought was Urusei Yatsura. She feels like she was pretty heavily influenced from that series. She used to copy from that book a lot and drew her own illustrations.

I asked Mago about why she doesn’t draw any male characters. I was curious if she doesn’t like drawing males. She doesn’t! She likes drawing girls! Hiromi asked about Nova, who is a guy. Mago says that that’s the reason for there not being much passion.

I guess I got it a little wrong, but Mago doesn’t like drawing male characters. Old dudes are out of the question. Luluco’s father was actually designed by another of the main animators.

This question was from k3shanberk. They ask when Mago committed to a career of drawing.

Mago says she hasn’t really committed herself to drawing yet. If she gets offers for her illustrations or her designs, she thinks she can get herself into another line of work immediately.

Last year, Mago felt she needed to take a little break from drawing to gain a bit of sanity. She worked part-time at a shoe store for a while.

Mago’s nickname was “Mago” when she was younger. She just picked that up as her penname or handle for illustration. I don’t think she feels comfortable sharing her full name.

Ex_trident asks, “Any kind of media you guys are into lately? Like a specific movie, a song, novels, or even games?”

I guess Hiromi is into Legos right now. Hiromi bought some kind of kit for Lego Movie 2. The film isn’t available in Japan right now. He’s too busy to build it because he has to work on Promare. If Hiromi has time, he wants to make vehicles or mechs from Promare with his Lego kits.

I guess Mago was playing Fortnite on iPad. I didn’t even know you could play that on iPad! I’m surprised! Again, I’m surprised that Fortnite is playable on iPad.

Hiromi says that maybe they’ll do some streaming on the Kill la Kill game when the game is released. Maybe Mago can stop by and play as well, he says!

There’s another question from no_04: “Is Wakabayashi planning to continue Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt: CEMETERY HILLS story where Nova means Panty and Brief in the end?”

By the way, Hiromi would like to inform everyone that CEMETERY HILLS is not a Panty and Stocking series. There is no relation with Panty and Stocking, but he would like to continue.

Sorry, there is a relationship between the two. In Panty and Stocking, the main character is Panty, but in CEMETERY HILLS, the main character is Geekboy; that’s the distinction. Hiromi would like to make a sequel. In the next sequel, Hiromi would like to introduce gun morphing like in Space Patrol Luluco in Panty and Stocking as well. He would like to see Panty transform into a gun!

There’s a question from evsanata: “Does Mago have any favorite artists? Who are the artists that have inspired her and influenced shaping her art?

I think we answered the later part of this question already. We’ll answer the first half now. Mago’s favorite illustrator and animator is Akiman. Mago’s first encounter with Akiman was over the Internet. There was a special forum where Akiman regularly converses with his fans, and that’s where Mago first met him. At that time, Akiman was looking for an assistant to help him with his series. Mago took that job and was helping Akiman for quite a bit.

Mago doesn’t remember how long she had that job. However, ever since she helped Akiman out, they have been in contact with each other. As such, Akiman has been a good moral support for Mago ever since the job.

totallynotnameddan says, “It was unclear from your phrasing. Is this supposed to detail the origin of gun morphing ‘cause that would be cool?”

I’m sorry if it was unclear. Hiromi wanted to make Panty able to transform into a gun with gun morphing as well.

How many of you have visited Comic Market? Have you visited Mago’s booth for Comic Market?

InfectedAdri asks, “Mago-san, how’s your dog doing?”

Mago says her dog is doing well. I guess she took her Chihuahua grooming, and now the dog is looking like a baby. There are two types of Chihuahuas, she explained. The one that I’m familiar with has short hair, so I wondered if Chihuahuas really need grooming. She says there are two types: one with long hair and one with short hair. Her Chihuahua has long hair, so if she doesn’t take her dog to grooming every once in a while, he has dingleberries, where the poop gets stuck in the hair. He needs regular maintenance.

ThexIncinerator asks, “What are the next conventions lined up for you guys? Will Mago be appearing at any of them?”

Wakabayashi says that he doesn’t think they’ve announced any of their 2019 events yet. They haven’t visited many conventions because they’ve been working on Promare. As soon as they finish Promare, they’ll probably make their presence at various cons. Mago is planning to appear at Comitia, which is a lot smaller than Comic Market and only allows original titles.

Personally, I like Comitia better than Comic Market.

It is Mago’s birthday in April, so she plans to do a birthday event! She will probably announce that. She wants to be pampered once in a while.

PraQnickstream asks, “Where can we find the dates of those comic events?”

Just Google Comitia. It takes place four times a year, so it’s a pretty frequent event.

Mago’s birthday is on April 11th. It might be on a different date! Mago doesn’t have too much of a pleasant memory… in Japan, you change your grade level every April. In April, you have a new class with new classmates. It’s hard to have a welcoming environment even if it’s your birthday. Mago didn’t have a very cheerful experience.

Ulric10 asks, “Idk if you’re gonna answer this, but could I have some tips for drawing like you?”

Mago says to draw what interests you and what you want to draw. So, if you just simply want to draw for your own entertainment, Mago says, draw just what pleases you. However, Mago says that if you want to get good at drawing, you should draw your own manga. You’ll be forced to draw various angles and backgrounds that you probably wouldn’t enjoy drawing otherwise, so you’ll gain experience.

There’s a question from NeoCoill from Patreon: What is Trigger's stance when it comes to creators making profit through fanworks of Trigger’s characters and shows (e.g. Doujinshi sold at Comiket or digitally)?

So, Hiromi thinks that it’s similar to cosplay...

Mago finished drawing! This is the final illustration! The illustration will be available on our Patreon page. If you’re interested, please do support us. All of the money goes to our creators, illustrators, and character designers who make guest appearances to our streams. None of the money goes to the studio. The support is appreciated.

Let’s finish up the question. Hiromi was saying that it’s similar to cosplay. If they shut out every aspect of fan community activities, it kind of halts the growth of their content as well. Even though they came up with the designs and concepts of these characters, for people who sell doujin and fanart, they are ultimately the ones drawing the individual art pieces. He doesn’t think that it’s right to say that it’s not their work to sell. Hirmoi personally doesn’t have anything against doujin or fanarts. He’s genuinely happy about people drawing their characters. If that’s what people do, they should continue to do it, he says.

Mago is happy to see her characters on other people’s doujins. She thinks that if you draw, it would be awesome to draw more of her characters in your doujins and illustrations.

We would like to ask Mago what her selling point for her illustration today is.

So, when Mago usually receives a commission or request for illustration, there’s always an offer from the client talking about the proportions of the characters, and these proportions are made pretty specific. It’s hard to organize these proportions. Today, Mago drew two characters who are basically the same character and have the same proportions. Mago is proud that the two characters are in the same proportion and will pat her own back!

This will be our last stream until maybe June. We need to concentrate on the production for Promare. We will take maybe two months off from our stream activity, but we will continue our smaller activities on Patreon. We upload the monthly shikishi for our supporters to see and will continue to do that. The livestreaming will have to wait until June when we finish Promare, though.

Thank you for coming to our stream. I bet it’s like 5:00 am on the west or east coast.

Would you guys watch if we streamed like random people from Studio Trigger playing games? We were curious. For example, would you like to see me and Hiromi play Apex? We might be able to do those kind of stupid—not stupid; I mean non-creative—streams in the near future. We’ll have to stop on the illustration streams until June, but there’s a big response for these gaming streams, so we might have to do that!

All right. That will be it for tonight’s stream. Thank you for your participation. Have a good night, everyone.

#trigger girls #space patrol luluco #trigger chan #luluco #studio trigger #magodesu #mago #hiromi wakabayashi #tattun #sorry this took so long! i was so tired when transcribing that i basically did the whole thing over ^^;

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boueibu-valentines · 5 years

Text

Akoya Finds His Place

Creator: @animetrashfire Recipient: @mostlikelytofangirl Title: Akoya Finds His Place Characters/Pairings:Gero Akoya, Ibushi Arima, Kusatsu Kinshiro, Kinugawa Atsushi (cameo), Megawa Rui (cameo) Summary (optional): an exploration of Akoya’s early days in the student council, and the beginning of his friendship with Arima Comment: I scrapped like four ideas for this fic, but this one worked. Hope you like it!

____________

It was a beautiful morning in the student council room of Binan High. Akoya sat at a desk, going through paperwork and contemplating the way the sunlight shafted into the room. There was a question lingering in his mind, and though he was loath to disturb the stillness of the morning, he knew he had to ask. “Arima?”

“Yes, G- Akoya?” Arima answered, glancing up from the tea he was preparing, a question in his eyes.

Akoya had only been in the student council for a few weeks, but he appreciated how conscientious Arima was about using his given name instead of his family name. Given that care, he felt sure that his question would at least be graciously received, so he continued on, “Do you… ever get the sense that there’s something bothering President? Beyond the general student populace and problems of course. Something specific?” He kept his gaze focused on the papers at hand, aware that he looked utterly unconcerned, a style he had perfected over the years.

“Ah, I’m not really sure.” Arima smiled pleasantly, but Akoya got the sense that there was something he wasn’t yet willing to share. “In any case,” Arima went on, carefully steeping the tea leaves, “He’ll be here soon, and it would be terribly awkward if he were to catch us talking about him.”

“Of course. Thank you, Arima.” Akoya continued filing papers. Sure enough, a few moments later, President Kusatsu entered the room, greeting them both formally. He took the cup of tea Arima offered him, then sat down at his own desk to start on his duties. Akoya considered him out of the corner of his eye, trying to place a name to the sense of disorder President gave off, but he couldn’t quite do so. Well, it had only been a few weeks. With time, perhaps…

Akoya had adjusted quickly to his role in the student council, deeply appreciative of the power and prestige that came with being a member, along with the beautiful white uniforms they wore. Kusatsu and Arima were hard working, and Akoya had been learning much from them about what it took to keep the school running smoothly. As the weeks passed, he had also learned that Arima had an unfailing devotion to the president that seemed to stem from nowhere, and that President Kusatsu had some particular issue with the lackabouts who occupied the old ‘Earth Defense Club’ room.

Akoya wasn’t particularly fond of them either, he reflected as he prepared yet another notice for them about official recognition of their ‘club’. They needed at least one more member, an advisor, and a purpose if they wanted to continue to use the room that they hung out in. Personally, he wouldn’t be upset to see them go. That Yufuin was admittedly beautiful enough, but he was always lazing about, and while Kinugawa seemed nice enough, he enabled the lout’s shameless behaviour. Naruko was alright, but he was constantly with Zaou, the one person at Binan High who could really get under Akoya’s skin. Together, the four of them were a purposeless mess.

“Akoya, that’s a rather unappealing scowl you have on your face.”

At Arima’s comment, Akoya relaxed his face, tossing his hair as he said, “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Arima chuckled but said nothing more. A few minutes later, Akoya finished up his duties for the day and announced to the president that he would like to go check up on the various clubs. “Of course,” Kusatsu said. “Take Arima with you, and make sure you deliver those forms to the groups we still need registrationfrom.”

Dutifully, Akoya stacked up the papers and exited the room close behind Arima. Their first stop was the old ‘Earth Defense Club’ room, where they knocked politely on the door. Kinugawa answered, pushing up his glasses as Akoya extended the form. “You need to register your club,” he said haughtily, twirling his hair around his finger. “Or you won’t be able to use this room anymore.”

“Right, thank you,” Kinugawa answered distractedly, “Kin’s always been picky about propriety.” Then he shut the door in their faces.

Akoya blinked in surprise. “Arima, did you hear what he called President?” But as he turned to the other boy, he was surprised to find him already halfway down the stairs. Avoiding the issue for sure…

Akoya caught up to him, and they chatted lightly as they made their way around to the various groups, handing forms off to the manga club (a questionable venture, Arima said) and the calligraphy club (a shoo-in for President’s approval). Akoya shot him a sideways glance at that comment, determining that today seemed as good a chance as any to try and get some more information out of Arima.

Akoya didn’t think he could call Arima and Kusatsu his friends, but he was spending every day with them, and well, he simply liked to know everything about everyone around him. You never knew when something might be useful.

All was well until they approached the baseball fields. The baseball team manager, a first year, almost ran them down in his hurry to bring the bats to the team. Akoya huffed. As they drew nearer, the boys on the team began calling out obnoxiously, asking them if they would play, or if they were too afraid to get their bright white uniforms dirty. Arima sighed, just barely, but it was still a reaction.

Akoya found himself fuming. “Who do they think they are, insulting the student council like that?”

Arima shrugged, a genial expression on his face, “I don’t really know.”

Akoya, still painfully aware of the jeers of the baseball team, squared his shoulders. “Well, I don’t suppose we have to stand here and let them, do we?”

He strode over to the edge of the field, standing with one hand on his hip as he raised his voice in reply, “We don’t have any interest in your sport, we just came to see how everything is going. We’re so pleased that you registered your club in a timely fashion, it really was lovely of you.” Akoya’s voice dripped with a sickening sweetness, and the hollers from the baseball team quieted as he continued, “I do hope you have everything you need. It would be such a shame to see any poor behaviour hindering your club activities.” One or two of the first years opened their mouths to retort, but their upperclassmen elbowed them in the sides, noting the fire in Akoya’s eyes.

It was the manager who spoke, “Oh, no, Gero, we have everything we need, thank you.”

Sniggers broke out as the manager used his name, and Akoya breathed deep. “It’s Megawa, isn’t it?” He flashed a radiant smile as the first year quailed.

“Yes, sir.”

“Please, do call me Akoya. I hope all goes well with your team.”

Megawa gulped, but a timid smile crossed his lips as he said, “Thank you, A-Akoya.”

Akoya tossed his hair as he turned to leave, saying to Arima, “Alright, let’s go see about the swim club.”

From behind them, a dull murmur swept up from the baseball club. Snickers and the sounds of croaking, and then retching, began to sound from behind them. Akoya gritted his teeth and came to a halt.

Arima walked a few paces, then glanced back when he realised Akoya wasn’t with him any longer. “Is something the matter?”

Akoya forced a grin, “Oh, it’s nothing.” His voice was slightly strained, and Arima tilted his head as he considered the boy in front of him, shoulders just slightly raised, fists clenched.

“Nothing, hmm?” A dark shadow passed behind Arima’s eyes and he advanced on the baseball team. A hush settled over them as he came to a stop just a few steps from them, glaring down at them. He really was quite tall, towering over most of the team.

“Akoya is a valued member of the student council. He works diligently to ensure that you all have a club to enjoy. I would suggest you treat him with respect.”

Without waiting for a response, Arima turned abruptly and stalked away, catching up to Akoya quickly. Akoya fell into step next to him, and they continued away from the baseball diamond. Akoya couldn’t remember the last time someone had stood up for him.

“Thank you.”

Arima smiled, and Akoya caught a flash of kindness in his eyes as he answered, “You’re welcome.”

Akoya couldn’t help but toss in a barb, “And here I thought you reserved that kind of loyalty for President.”

Arima chuckled and pushed a hand through his hair, “Do I now? I can’t really say… President is special, but you’re one of us. And you really did put them in their place brilliantly. It was the least I could do to have your back.”

“If I may ask, what is it that’s so special about President?” Akoya chose his words carefully, but he had a sense that Arima would answer him.

“Hmmm…” Arima tilted his head in thought as they neared the swimming pool. “Well, we met when we were children. I thought it was going to be another awful forced playdate while our parents did business, but he and Kinugawa were nothing but kind to me. The way Kusatsu smiled- it was so welcoming, warm like a sunrise. And when we met again, here at Binan, I couldn’t help but remember it. He doesn’t smile like that anymore… and I felt like I could help him, almost like I had to. Whatever President asks of me, I’ll do it.”

Akoya was trying to process this veritable speech from Arima, which was almost more words than he usually said in one day. There was also that confusing bit about Kinugawa. “So you’ve always been friends, then.”

Akoya phrased it as a statement more than a question, and he was surprised when Arima said, “No, he doesn’t remember me actually. But we only met a few times as children, and we hadn’t seen each other in several years before high school.”

“Oh. And Kinugawa… they were friends? I’ve gotten the impression that President doesn’t like him all that much.” Akoya and Arima paused by the fence around the swimming pool, watching the swim club practice.

“I’m not really sure what happened between them, but…. I don’t think it’s easy on President.”

“Ah.” Akoya had a feeling that was as much as he was going to get, but it was already a lot to process. “Thank you for telling me this, Arima.”

Arima turned to continue making their rounds. A few moments later, he replied, “Thank you for listening, Akoya. It’s… nice to have someone to talk to.” His smile turned almost devilish as he asked, “And can I count on you to always have our backs?”

Akoya tossed his hair, “Of course. What do you take me for?”

Arima laughed again and kept walking. Akoya matched his pace, considering the dark green-haired boy at his side. Perhaps, for the first time in a long time, there was a chance that he would actually end up with a friend.

#boueibu valentine #boueibu #gero akoya #arima ibushi #kusatsu kinshiro #animetrashfire #mostlikelytofangirl #fanfic #submission

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bsd-bibliophile · 6 years

Note

In relation to your magnificent post about Dazai's real self, what do you think about his scene with Q, and the scene after when he slaps Atsushi?

Mag-magnificent!?!?!? I never expected anyone to really think that highly of my ramblings about Dazai! Thank you very much, and I am so glad you like it!

So I think I’ll just walk through the scene and include different screenshots and explain as I go.

Dazai begins the scene all business with the mafia, definitely intending to hide any information he has while extracting all the information he can from Higuchi and Gin. This is also right after Dazai finished explaining to Atsushi in the manga that the side with the most information has the advantage and that he can think of about 300 possible ways the Agency can still win the war even though they do not have as many people or resources as the Guild or Mafia. Of course he’s confident and calculating while talking with Higuchi and Gin about Q and his ability until…

He realizes that they mentioned they came to protect him, meaning he would have been in danger and Atsushi and the secretaries are now in danger. The main reason I think this causes Dazai concern was that he never imagined that Mori would free Q and never considered this as a possible threat. He is well aware that Mori sees him as a threat, but at the same time as a pawn that Mori will use whenever he wants to, so I am sure that Dazai understands that Mori really would try and remove him from harms way while attacking the Agency and that Higuchi and Gin were only used to lure Dazai away. Dazai of course realizes this and knows it might already be too late, and I think that the reaction he has here is because he’s messed up big time. Not only does he need Atsushi in order to defeat the Guild, and later Fyodor, but the Agency is his home and he does care about Atsushi and the secretaries (even if he is usually putting on an act, playing around, and keeping distance emotionally from everyone, it is still the place he has been the most accepted and able to relax and be him self more often). I would think that he has already thought threw in that split second to all the possible outcomes and knows what the worst case scenario would be and that Atsushi, a key member of the Agency and Dazai’s plans as well as the one who has likely influenced Dazai to want to live again (you can read that analysis here), could be either killed or mentally scared from his encounter with Q. Dazai was also the one who locked up Q the first time and is very aware of just how devastating Q’s ability is.

I really like how Harukawa-sensei draws Dazai’s eyes with more light when he’s… how should I put it, on the side of good? He’s actually fighting for good, even though he probably believes that he isn’t worthy of being called one of the good guys at heart and that he is just acting like a good guy. But like when he realizes that the other Agency members are in trouble his eyes are drawn with very little darkness in them. That is Harukawa-sensei’s way of showing that Dazai’s motives are good in this situation and that he is not resorting to dark, evil means to reach his goals the way he did as a mafia executive. It’s because of this that I believe that Dazai is truly dedicated to his friends at the Agency and to being a good mentor to Atsushi, not just that Q is in the way of his plans and that he didn’t see this coming.

We don’t get to see Dazai’s face in the manga when he says his famous “I’ll rip your heart out,” or “I will hollow out your heart” line, but the anime definitely makes it clear that Dazai is now back into his dark mode. He wants to make it clear that Q will not get away with this. I also included the panel right before this line from the manga, and if you look at Dazai’s eyes they have more black in them than in the previous panels.

Basically how Dazai acts in this scene with Q shows that he is still capable of being the dark, evil mafia executive he was before, but now his priorities and goals are definitely more about saving his friends and protecting people. However, when it comes to protecting what’s his he will stop at nothing to do that. I think that this panel sums it up pretty well:

Then when it comes to the scene with Atsushi afterward I think that Dazai knows very well that he has to tread carefully. He more than anyone is aware of Atsushi’s mental state and what Q’s curse has done to him. It was Dazai who Atsushi told in episode 1, “You’re really confident. I’m kind of jealous. They called me a good-for-nothing at the orphanage as far back as I can remember. and now, I don’t even know where I’ll sleep tonight or whether I’ll be able to earn my keep tomorrow. No one’d care if someone like me were to die in a ditch somewhere. Yeah, I may be better off eaten by a tiger…” Even though we as readers and audience members are very aware of what was said to Atsushi at the orphanage and from chapter 39 we learned just how horribly he was treated there, but Atsushi only ever tells everyone else that he was kicked out and that he has no friends, family, job, or home. No one other than Dazai has seen Atsushi at his lowest point after leaving the orphanage, and that is why I believe Dazai is very much aware of how fragile Atsushi is in this scene.

Dazai starts by telling Atsushi that it’s time to go, but Atsushi is definitely more concerned with the fact he just hurt the people he was trying to protect and how he feels like he has lost the right to keep living. And saying things like “I’m no good” and “I shouldn’t have existed” are very strong words and Dazai knows he has to get Atsushi to snap out of it and calm down otherwise he won’t hear a word Dazai says (and I don’t think Dazai’s the kind of person to explain something more than once). But at the same time his objective is to help Atsushi get through this and pull himself together sooner than later for the his own sake as well as for the sake of Yokohama (now that Q’s on the loose they need to be on their toes). And considering the fact that Dazai keeps himself at arms length from people it says a lot that he will get down on Atsushi’s level and reach out to him and gently get his attention. But at the same time Dazai hasn’t had the kind of life that taught him to be gentle and patient, so he does the fasted, most effective thing he can to get Atsushi to focus:

These are two of my favorite pages in the manga (after the dog scene of course)! The fact that Dazai begins with “I have no right to take away your past” stand out so much to me! He is effectively saying that he understands Atsushi and what he has gone through. Atsushi’s past is what makes him who he is, and it is something very personal to him and Dazai does not want to undermine that in any way. And if all he wanted to do was snap Atsushi out of it so he would go back to the Agency and help Dazai defeat the Guild and the Mafia then I think he would have treated Atsushi more like how he treated Akutagawa and just told him to get moving, and Atsushi would have followed because he does respect Dazai. But before getting back to strategizing and saving everyone Dazai takes the time to give Atsushi some profound advice, “Do not pity yourself. If you wallow in self-pity life will be an endless nightmare.” I don’t doubt that he is talking from personal experience. How could Dazai not have wallowed in self pity before when he was always looking either for a reason to live or a way to die, whatever came first, until around the time he met Atsushi? Because he has been in the position Atsushi is in now he knows what Atsushi needs to hear, and he cares about Atsushi and wants him to move on and become happy. Atsushi was probably startled more by Dazai’s comment than by the slap (I mean, all Atsushi does is get beat up in half the chapters). And in the bottom panel it is obvious that Dazai has said something that had a profound effect on Atsushi.

But then it’s back to business as usual, you know, saving Yokohama and all that. I think Dazai knows that Atsushi needs time to process everything and that talking about it more at that point wouldn’t do any good. Dazai has probably done all he knows how to for Atsushi. The way Dazai helps is by giving space. He knows that Atsushi has a lot to process and then there are all the pent up feelings and uncertainties about himself that no amount of advice is going to help. And Atsushi isn’t used to displays of affection, or positive physical contact like when Dazai lifted Atsushi’s face to look up at him before he slapped Atsushi. Poor Atsushi was probably shocked just to have Dazai touch him without hurting him, and maybe the slap was more welcome to Atsushi than the gentle touch before it, but that is completely speculation on my part. Dazai more than anyone understands that affection and attention would be difficult for Atsushi to accept, especially with his emotional state being where it is at. So really Dazai is doing the most kind, caring thing possible by changing the subject and giving Atsushi time to think and understand what Dazai told him.

I feel like the last little bit there is all a jumble of thoughts, so I hope it makes sense. And I also feel like I stated the obvious a lot, so sorry if it got boring in places. I don’t really see any correlations between the real Dazai and these scenes, so I hope it’s okay that I only talked about BSD Dazai and his emotions/perspective. Thank you, anon, for the ask! I am flattered that you would value my opinion on important scenes like these.

#asks #dazai #q #atsushi #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #analysis

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