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zhongrin · 4 months

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festered wounds

— when you’ve never been the first choice your whole life, it’s hard to accept the possibility that you could be loved.

✼ characters ┈ zhongli, al haitham, wriothesley

✼ tags ┈ gn!reader, this is more of a vent drabble, hurt with comfort, reader with massive insecurity issues, implied past trauma, slight blood & gore in the portrayal of ‘hurt’

✼ a/n ┈ this…. got really personal, haha. i wrote this in a bad headspace, so apologies if it got depressing or if it’s of a low quality. i didn't want to have this in my drafts and i certainly don't want to bring it to 2024 so i'm just posting this now.

ᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴜʟʟ ᴍᴇɴᴜ (ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ) ✼ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱʜɪᴘ (ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ)

“i’m sorry.”

zhongli’s heart dropped at the words escaping your lips. this was certainly the most unexpected response you could give to his confession, seeing the promising recent developments in your relationship — and so celestia forgive him, he had to pause to gather his thoughts. this made you fidget even more under his gaze, and so you succumbed to your frazzled nerves to continue in a more panicked voice.

“i’m sorry, mr. zhongli, i know you’re not the type to resort to deceit or find joy in toying with people’s feelings, but i’m just— i can’t—” you trailed off, feeling your chest tighten in pain.

“please, hold your tongue for a moment,” the refined man held out one of his hand to settle onto your shoulder comfortingly. his expression was a mixture of worry and confusion, eyebrows furrowing in a sign of distress. “are you saying that you… do not believe my words? you think i have malicious intentions?”

“….. i’m sorry, i’m just not used to- i’ve never-” you stumbled over your words and squeezed your eyes shut, “i’m sorry….”

zhongli watched you for a moment, observing the smallest ticks and the story behind your body language. you looked so vulnerable, like a scared animal instinctively cowering at some invisible threat. you looked as if someone had stripped away a bandage that had been haphazardly wrapped around a wound left unattended for so long, it had festered into an abomination, eating away at you slowly, even now.

belatedly, he realized that ‘someone’ was himself.

zhongli inhaled deeply, his palm leaving your shoulder. this time, he took his hands to tenderly grab your fingers, lifting them up to silently plead for your attention. your eyes were troubled and full of storms, the rain and lighting reflecting on your expression as a solemn flutter of your eyelashes and sorrowful downturn of your lips. the slight tremble of your body reflected the silent call for help from a blemished heart that never had the courage to forget.

“my dearest. i see the pain you have gone through. i have yet to know the tales that had marred your heart, but i want you to know that i am willing to be the pair of ears you tell your grievances to, and you can be rest assured that they will be safe with me. i know my words will not be enough to convince you otherwise at this moment… however, you must forgive my impatience, for it stems out of genuine love. i simply must humbly ask once again—”

“— please, give me a chance to heal you.”

“a-are you sure you want me?”

out of the 18 different responses he anticipated, al haitham did not expect this. however, his surprise merely manifested in the rising of both of his eyebrows and the subtle shift on his legs.

“unlike the consensus the public seemed to have one-sidedly agreed on, i am not foolish enough in the matter of romance as to confess to someone i do not hold deep affection and great care for,” he said in the same tone as the moment he asked if you would consider taking your relationship into the ‘officially dating’ phase, “is it not obvious? kaveh claimed i was ‘laying it on thick’ and cyno had noted of how i treat you better than how i treat the dendro archon.”

“oh….”

“….”

you thought you had gotten used to al haitham’s stare with how much you both had been hanging out, but right now you couldn’t seem to lift your head. the scholar crossed his arms, waiting patiently for your response. you were both gratuitous and dreading his resilience.

“i-i still think you could do better, though. i mean, look at you! you’re so fit, so wouldn’t you feel better if your partner is more of the sporty type? and you’re the top graduate of the haravatat darshan, so you would pair better with someone smarter…. a-and someone like me will just drag you down; aesthetically speaking, i… uh, leave much to be desired while you’re… you know…”

you spoke of such illogical assumptions and erroneous advices that he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. you spoke of belittling yourself as if you were used to riding on the rails of insurmountably low dip of the self-esteem cliff for years. you spoke of these things as if you were repeating words someone told you at least once in your life.

and it angered him.

but he wasn’t angry at you. he was angry for you.

funny how empathy wasn’t his strong suit, and yet he jumped on the bandwagon as easily as an otter taking off into the waters the moment it came to you and your emotions.

“i care not for such shallow qualifications when it comes to seeking a partner. your presence triggers the relevant hormones that make me feel relaxed and comfortable, and my mind spontaneously seek for your attention. it’s only logical that i seek for an arrangement that would ensure these pleasant things to happen and develop further.”

“you’re the best choice for a partner, simply because i wish to spend the rest of my life with you; and i think that's enough.”

“i don’t think i’m a good choice for you…”

wriothesley looked as if you had pinpointed his weak point in a boxing match and delivered a straight jab right onto it. his lips slacked open and his body froze as he tried to process your words, the meaning behind it, the—

he inhaled deeply and punched his own fist into his palm, stretching his jaw with a growl before a darker tone took over his voice.

“alright, who’s been talking shit? let me at them. it won’t be manslaughter if they don’t die, right?”

he watched as your nervously fiddling fingers stopped twisting around each other, your eyes widened in shock and alarm at his words. briefly, he praised himself inwardly for being able to switch your mood at the snap of his fingers. now if only he could do that, but instead of surprise-and-horror, it could turn into surprise-and-joy instead…

“what?! wait- no! no one said that, i ju—”

“then is your own head telling you that?”

“it’s—” you gulped, gaze slowly breaking away.

he sensed a secret kept safe under the heaviest chains and locks. pain that had nearly torn up that warm heart of yours, shoved into the furthest part of you in a desperate attempt to save yourself; to silence the damned screams and the river of curses that would have made you self-destruct. he saw the remains of the thousands of needles that had embedded itself deep inside your worn heart a long time ago, and yet still it beat and struggled to not bleed out and drown you in its venomous blood.

he saw a heart as scarred as his skin, and he understood.

“..… alright, sweetheart, listen up, and listen close.”

the man’s hands suddenly cradled your cheeks, his icy blue eyes penetrating your clouded gaze. his whole demeanor had shifted into gentle and loving, as if he was holding his entire world in the palms of his hands. he resisted the urge to kiss you when you couldn’t help but lean onto his touch, instinctively seeking comfort.

he would do you better. he would give you the kind of love you’ve yet to experience. there were so much he wanted to say, but he chose to speak of the reassurance he thought you needed most at this moment.

“i say you’re the perfect choice for me. let me prove it to you.”

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #zhongli x reader #al haitham #al haitham x reader #wriothesley #wriothesley x reader #rin writes

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borderlinereminders · 3 months

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I wrote a post on tips for handling rage.

One of the things that also helps me is having a list of phrases to say when I’m feeling rage and need to communicate that to someone I’m having a heated conversation with. Having the phrases planned in advance makes it easier for me to use them instead of giving into the things I have urges to say.

I’m unable to handle this right now. I need a break, please.

It’s not your fault, but I’m having a really bad day and I’m not in the headspace for this.

I need to walk away from this conversation to collect my thoughts and take a breather.

I feel like I’m about to lose it. Can you please give me some space so I can calm down?

I’d be open to discussing this more with you but for right now, I need some space.

I’m feeling really frustrated but I’m not ready to discuss it.

These are just some of my go-to phrases. Yours might be different! But I do recommend planning some out.

#bpd tips #rage #my post

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samkerrworshipper · 6 months

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twos a company, threes a crowd pt.3 | personal stress ball

little subspace/subdrop drabble that i wrote for our fav threesome lucy x reader x alexia

hope y’all enjoy!

18+ minors dni. - smut

Being Lucy and Alexia’s personal stress ball was probably your favourite part of your arrangement. When either of the women were tired, grumpy, mad about a bad game, or just overall feeling on edge you were always the first to hear and then feel it. The best though, was when both of them were just as fed up and tired as each other. The two of them used you as their little doll until all of the tension built up in their inside had resolved, the two women fighting over you tirelessly for hours as they worked their very hardest to chase their own pleasure as well as yours.

Currently, you were lying down on your shared bed, your face pressed into the pillows whilst Lucy fucked you from behind. You’d lost count of how many times the women had entered you with different toys and extremities, your brain beginning to fuzz over as Lucy tugged you towards your 7th orgasm of the night, a 7th orgasm that you’d never experienced. Alexia had pushed you, constantly, but she’d only ever gotten you too five before you’d been a mewling mess. Right now though, neither of the women seemed to care, until you safeworded they were going to keep going. You didn’t really mind, you were in pure bliss at this stage, Alexia’s hands sliding all over your torso whilst Lucy worked at your pussy. It was pure euphoria, the feeling of the vibe buzzing against your clit, Lucy’s hips connecting with yours on every single thrust and Alexia’s tongue and lips dancing along your nipples. It was everything you craved, everything that you vied for.

Until you started to feel yourself start to drift, in a way you’d never experienced. Your body began to feel floaty, like you were drifting away slowly and not in the way your impending orgasm normally made you feel. It sent butterflies to your stomach, but not giggly butterflies, butterflies that felt like they were fighting inside of your stomach. It shifted your whole headspace, as suddenly you became so unaware and aware of everything that was happening around you. Alexia’s touch and Lucy;s skin suddenly felt so different, you wanted to yell out but all of a sudden you felt so wordless, so boneless in a way you’d never experienced. Everything in your body felt like it was melting and you couldn’t decide whether or not you liked it.

You felt your body just completely give out, tears starting to leak out of your eyes, and not pleasure induced tears. It was something else, something in your chest that was making you feel all floaty and mellow in such a different way than you’d ever experienced. It was an out of body experience and you couldn’t tell whether or not it was good, it was just something that you’d never experienced before and suddenly it had the anxiety in your chest rising as you struggled to find words or oxygen.

Everything around you was heightened but also inexplicably blurred. Within a couple of seconds you felt your body being flipped, as Alexia’s eyes tried their very hardest to search your now glazed over ones. Her words were mellowed out, just like your brains and she knew exactly what was happening. Lucy also joined Alexia at your head, that was the only indicator that you had about the fact that Lucy had pulled out of you, and suddenly the anxiety fell even greater down on your chest. What if they were mad at you, or thought that you weren’t good enough?

Alexia was making orders to Lucy, but your brain was too spaced out to even attempt to make out what she was saying, her words sounding like a completely different language to you. You felt like the girl in the plastic bubble, like you were in a fish tank just observing the world around you. It was the feeling of your body being pressed directly to Alexia’s that seemed to wake you up a little bit, but not fully. You didn’t know exactly what was happening, all you could tell was that Alexia had lifted your body up into your chest, and automatically, or potentially with the help of Alexia you’d balled yourself up against her chest, tears still cascading down your face as she rocked you back and forth on her chest, her hands raking their way through your hair and whispering sweet nothings into your ear in an attempt to bring you down back to them.

She’d ordered Lucy to go and run a bath, hoping that the doting and aftercare would be enough to haul you out of the intense drop that she suspected you were going through. She’d never seen you cross over the line into subspace, hell she’d never ever approached the topic of conversation with you, in all of the years you’d been dating it had never been something that had happened. They’d pushed you tonight though, further than you’d been pushed before, she couldn’t even imagine all of the endorphins and cortisol that had dumped itself into your brain, all of the hormones being dumped leaving your body inevitably feeling somewhat empty. Alexia knew you’d never experienced subspace, something that she’d have to explain to you when you awoke from your daze. Right now her main focus was on making the transition back into real life as easy as possible for you.

Her hands were gentle and yet to you they felt so.. thuddy? You could feel every single twitch, every single movement but it was also so softened out. It was unexplainable, an unworldly experience for you that you’d never been through. If you could compare it to anything it would kind of be like a mixture of a hangover and post panic attack. You felt exhausted, every single part of your body ached, and not in the wonderful way that you normally felt after one of your girlfriends had fucked you so hard that your legs didn’t work properly. It was toeing the line of pain, not quite but close.

You closed your eyes for a split second and the next thing you knew, your body was no longer in your bed, it was sitting perched beside your bathtub, Alexia was helping to ease you into Lucy’s arms, her body already sitting underneath the water.

You let Lucy ease you into the tub, making your body pliable for her so she was able to slide you in between her legs, her arms coming down to the front of your chest, essentially bringing you as close to her as she could manage. You relaxed your head backwards into the crook of her neck, her lips coming down to press soft kisses to your jaw and face. You closed your eyes once again, for a few seconds and when you opened them, Alexia was sitting directly across from the two of you, her hands rubbing gently over your calves as she observed you and Lucy.

It was with the soft touches and gentle words that you began to awaken, a transition that had more tears flowing down your face as your ears began to reawaken and your throat began to open back up.

“Hey, sweetheart, it’s alright, you're safe, we’ve got you.”

Lucy’s words were murmured against your face, as she continued to press gentle and chaste kisses to your face.

“M’ sorry, M’ sorry, M’ sorry.”

Your words sounded ritualistic, murmured with complete fear in your chest and eyes, what if they hated you? What if they only saw you as damaged goods because of this?

“Hey, sweet, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, you were so perfect, so good for me and Ale. Has Ale or anybody ever talked to you about subspace and subdrop?”

You shook your head furiously, tears still dripping steadily from your face. Never in her life had Alexia felt worse, like she’d completely failed you. She edged her way further up the tub, so she was sat directly in front of you two.

“Hermosa, look at me. You did absolutely nothing wrong. What happened was that you experienced subspace, which is just when your brain is dumped with so many endorphins and chemicals that you kind of experience this out of body haze. Luce and I should have seen it, but we didn’t, and somewhere along the way you dropped, pretty hard. It’s natural bebita, we’re just going to have to work on helping you to recognise when something like that happens. It’s completely normal, nothing to be ashamed about, and subspace can be really good, it can make sex feel magnificent, if it’s done right. How do you feel, amor?”

Alexia’s hand had travelled its way up to your chin, pointing your head towards her so you were forced to look her in the eyes.

“Spacey, sad, kind of cold.”

Alexia nodded, recognising the symptoms immediately.

“Okay hermosa, that’s fine, how about I go and make some tea, and I get some ice cream out of the freezer? We can cuddle up on the bed with your favourite blanket and watch moana, how does that sound?”

You nodded at Alexia frantically, your body shaking against Lucy’s as the tears on your face bagn to dry as you slowly started to feel more safe with the two women supporting you.

“Alright, I’ll go and get all of that ready, just stay here with Lucia, she’s going to look after you for me, you’re safe with us and we aren’t leaving you. How about I fetch you some painkillers as well?”

It wasn’t that you were exactly in pain, but you decided that it probably wouldn’t hurt to take some as a precaution.

“Yes please, I’m sorry if you're mad at me, it’s fine if you're mad at me, well it’s not fine but like I’d understand if you were.”

Alexia frowned at you, her head shaking almost immediately.

“No, hermosa, we aren’t mad at you, not a smidge. You were so good for us, such a perfect good girl, we both love you so much sweetheart, now stay here with Lucia for me, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Alexia rubbed your head gently, before lifting herself from the bathtub and grabbing a towel before exiting the ensuite.

“I’m so sorry honey, we should have seen the signs.”

Your frown only deepened further as Lucy’s words rang out in your head.

“I thought you said it was natural, that sometimes it just happens?”

Lucy nodded at you.

“It does sweet, but we should have been more prepared, should have seen the signs better.”

You stopped Lucy by tilting your head up to press a quick peck to her lips.

“If it happens then it happens, you can’t be anymore at fault than I am, and you don’t want me to take the blame, do you?”

Lucy shook her head against you.

“Exactly, so next time we’ll be better, we’ll be more careful.”

Lucy just smiled at you. Sure, you were the submissive one in the relationship, and the youngest. But the three of you all knew who wore the pants in the relationship, who really was in charge.

“You’re perfect princesa, absolute perfection. We both love you so much. You’re the most precious thing in the world, thank you so much for trusting us”

You let yourself rest easily against Lucy’s chest, still not completely down to earth. The two of you stayed in the tub for another ten minutes, before Lucy began to nudge you up and out with her. She dried you off gently, dressing you in one of her hoodies and a pair of boxers, matching with her. Once she was done with drying and dressing the two of you she carried you back into your bedroom. Alexia had changed the sheets, found all of the fluffy blankets that you’d owned, had the starting credits of Moana already rolling and all of your favourite snacks laid out on the bedside table. There was one word to describe your room and that was heaven.

Lucy gently lifted you up and under the covers, passing you over to Alexia who immediately began to wrap you up into blankets, helping to warm you up. Lucy climbed in beside you, wrapping herself in a blanket before handing you a warm cup of hot chocolate, which you were ordered to drink. The warmth of the milk and sugar making its way down your throat pushed away all of the insecurity and helplessness you’d been feeling, as your eyes locked onto your favourite movie beginning to play out in front of you.

You knew that when morning came there would be a lot to talk about, that the new day would bring a whole different topic conversation that you weren’t sure you were ready for. But you knew that for now, you were surrounded by two women who loved you, more than anything else, and they’d spend every day proving that to you if they had too.

#woso #woso community #lucy bronze #alexia putellas is mom #daddy alexia putellas #lucy bronze x reader x alexia putellas #alexia putellas smuttt #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas #lucy bronze is daddy #lucy bronze imagine #lucy bronze x reader #barca femeni x reader

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tottgeliebt · 6 months

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little mess ( bill kaulitz x gender neutral reader )

before you read :

it’s been a long time since I wrote my last oneshot, so don’t be judgy it’s just for fun :3

+ english isn’t my first language

bill is just a needy little whore ^o^

You give him a light kiss on the cheek and closed the door behind you.

Now he’s alone, alone in the new apartment you guys just moved in together. There are still boxes lying around from the move that haven't been cleaned up yet, but Bill didn't care about the mess. Instead of cleaning up, he waits for you like a lost puppy.

You told him to do it, but somehow you knew that he’s not going to do anything while ur not home.

After only 2 minutes , Bill's eyes became heavier and heavier until they closed and he fell asleep. He slumbers curled up on the couch and lets out a quiet sigh. something happens, his boxers and pants are getting tight, the material is stretching out more and the tightness starts to feel uncomfortable. The black haired boy is dreaming, dreaming about you. About how you’re using him in his dreams.

oh how bad he wants this to happen in real right now. After calmly opening his eyes, hes leaning towards the pillow while lifting his head to have a better sight around.

There it is!! Your shirt you left on the table. Bill grabbed it and started Inhaling the fabric.

He loves the way you smell, it makes him needy everytime.

He removed the old pillow sheet from the couch pillow and puts your shirt on it.

The poor boy can't think clearly, the only thing he wants is you and only you. He wants to feel your hand around his bulge,and your lips pressed against his.

It kills him every time you're not home, so he sits on the pillow and starts rubbing his bulge on it.

With every push forward he lets out a quiet sound, he knew it feels more intense if he removed his boxers but he doesn’t want to ruin your shirt.

His eyes get more foggy and unfocused as his mouth falls open, and tightness his grip on the fabric of your shirt, while pushing his hips more desperate on it.

God how good it feels, but his boxers prevent him from getting the full and intense feeling.

Like a dog in heat he removes his boxers, and starts humping the pillow with his bare dick rubbing against it.

Quiet whimpers come out of his mouth as he tries to be as quiet as possible, he is paranoid that the neighbors will hear him while he is alone.

He feels the orgasm getting closer and closer, and desperately rubs his dick against the fabric with more pressure like a braindead stupid dog. He only has you and your scent in his mind.

The thought of him using you brings him closer and makes him moan your name out loud.

With a loud moan, he ruins your t-shirt with his cum and falls onto his side, out of breath.

He guiltily tries to clean your shirt with his tongue, still too much in his headspace to be logical not knowing he makes an even bigger mess like that.

You came back home after 15 minutes, yes it was only 15 minutes but for Bill it felt like forever.

you see him desperately on the couch, trying to clean your shirt.

He turns his head and stares at you with big glassy eyes.

Ashamed, he hides his head under the blanket, that lies next to him on the couch as you come closer to him.

“i know you want to be treated like a pretty doll, but how can I do such when you don’t behave like one?”

You say in a quiet, light voice as you caress his thighs.

“awhh you missed me too much? you couldn’t hold back, right?”

You smile a little and removes the blanket off Bill's head to give him intense eye contact.

“what should we do now about the mess you made?”

#bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz fanfic #tokio hotel #tokiohotel oneshot #bill kaulitz one shot #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz #gustav schäfer #georg listing

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interstellarsystem · 19 days

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Little Plural Things

Systems can present in a lot of different ways. Sometimes, being a system can be loud and obvious if you're naturally more overt and/or out about yourselves as plural. Sometimes, it can be quiet and barely noticeable, but still there--just harder to see. Our system is fairly obvious if we're unmasked, but there are still things that escape even our own knowledge when we're masking as hard as we can. Little things that to us, remind us that our system is undeniably real. This is a post about those experiences we've had with barely-noticeable signs of a system.

Not every system will relate to these experiences, some might feel similarly about a few points, some may have others of their own entirely, some might not know or not have anything like the experiences we mention, and that's all part of being plural. No two systems are mirror images of each other. This is a post about our experiences.

1. Handwriting

Recently, we've had it brought to our attention that we have different handwriting. We don't write with a pen/pencil often, but we were asked to fill out a worksheet for our psychologist recently. She told us that whoever in our system wants to contribute to it can, and suggested that we signify who wrote what in some way--to which we chose different pencil colours for different headmates. We took the worksheet home and put things on it depending on who was in the front and if they wanted to.

It turned out, that some of our writing widely differs from each other. Out of the 6 people who wrote on the sheet, most of them were wildly different. Rift and Martin wrote the most tidily, with Rift's writing looking more "proper" and "adult". I (Vince) apparently am not the best at neat writing but I managed to be better than what our "normal" writing is like from what we remember. Merlin wrote messily like he was writing very fast. Mystery wrote with very large letters with sharp angles that overall made it look like it was written by a child new to writing. Which makes absolute sense. It's not a child, but its hands in-headspace are bigger than ours and that was the actual first time it had written anything on paper since it got here.

Somehow, it took until our psychologist pointed it out for us to notice how different it was.

2. Vocabulary Choices

Something we are able to notice sometimes is how our vocabulary and sometimes sentence structure changes based on who is speaking. Some obvious examples are our British headmates substituting "bloody" for other words as an exclamation and the difference between what some of our headmates would call a "chip" or a "fry".

Other times though, it's more subtle. Sometimes there's certain phrases that will just have a word or two swapped out and it does tend to point toward who is fronting even if people do use multiple of these. Some examples are:

"I suppose" vs "I think" vs "I believe"

"Kinda" vs "Kind of" vs "Sort of" vs "Sorta"

"Recently" vs "A bit ago"

"Sleepy" vs "Tired"

"Lol" vs "Haha" vs "Lmao" vs a keysmash (Even though these are text-based they are quite telling.)

"Quite" vs "Very" (Speaking of the above.)

Getting more subtle with them, some other examples are:

"You know" vs "Y'know"

"Uh" vs "Um"

"Uh-Huh" vs "Mhm"

Sometimes typing is influenced too. The amount of em-dahses within the text, the consistency of proper punctuation, how mechanical the text feels, how many run-on sentences there are and even how much tends to be written in one message/post can all point toward different people being in control.

3. Accidental Accents and Inflections

While accents are usually very obvious, we're generally good at masking them. Generally.

Due to us living in Australia, our headmates with accents straight from London don't stick out too bad when they're struggling to mask, but they are still noticeable to those around us who know we're plural. Passerby on the street or people who don't see us often don't think much of it, but certain people we are close to know that a few people in our system find it harder to mask and can tell when they're fronting very easily because of it.

Even if we are masking our accents properly, some parts of the way we speak still come out. Some of us end sentences on a higher-pitch more often due to what our accent generally has us do and some end more on lower-pitch notes when speaking. Some of us put emphasis on certain syllables differently. There's lots of little things that go into language that make it hard to completely mask.

4. Food Choices

More of a noticeable one, but something we tend to brush off as "just a bad batch" when it happens. Some of us like and dislike different foods and drinks, some of us to an extreme degree.

Mystery hates the brand of juice we normally buy and thought that it might've just been past expiry (it was not) or just a bad batch of the juice, but they're consistently the only one who doesn't like it.

Rave likes spicy food much more than the rest of us because they have a harder time tasting it. I on the other hand can't handle spicy food at all and am worse with it than the others in my system.

Some of us favour different brands of food and some of us might like/dislike textures of food differently too.

5. Default Facial Expressions

Different resting facial expressions are something we hardly notice because we don't look in a mirror often due to dysphoria. What we do know though, is that some of us just rest our faces differently.

I look more stern and tired than others. I have a bit of an angrier resting expression.

Martin looks a little bit more anxious due to being an anxiety-holder, but he also looks softer and kinder.

Crowley also looks tired but has less of a stern look and more of an almost blank one.

6. Body Language

This is one we don't know too much about because we can only get knowledge on this from other people, but most of our headmates have a different "vibe" by the way they carry themselves.

I end up seeming to-the-point and business-like.

Martin reads as being very anxious even if he's not always.

Crowley reads as smug.

Mal reads as if he's planning something mischevious and silly.

We've been told that Filigree just reads as "gay".

We're not sure what actions make us seem this way, but some of us can be clocked by others around us as fronting without even talking first. I don't know how people do it, but it's something in our body language.

7. Clothing Choices

A few of us have different clothing choices--Crowley still wears sunglasses everywhere due to light sensitivity and wears dark colours, I prefer to wear button-up shirts as opposed to more casual things, Martin prefers hoodies that are lighter in colour and Merlin prefers to dress in pink and black and more fluffy textures.

We don't have too many clothes overall so to others it does just look like we're cycling through our wardrobe, and sometimes we are, but there's certain styles some of us tend to lean toward more than others.

---

Some of these might seem quite noticeable, and maybe they are if you know we're a system, but people change a lot so once again some of this is much more subtle than it sounds. People who don't know that you're a system hardly ever notice, and if they do they put it to "having an off day" and leave it at that.

We wanted to take some time to appreciate those little things we find it hard to notice, though. And maybe it'll end up helping some other system realise how unique they are as individuals and help fight off the imposter syndrome like these realisations did for us.

#alterhuman #system #didosdd #plural #actually did #actuallyplural #plural system #plurality #endo safe #pro endo #quoigenic #pluralgang #op #vince (he/they)#everything althu #althu experiences #everything plural #plural experiences

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mrsquill · 8 months

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Summary: Joel is on his way to bail Tommy out of Travis County jail, having left Sarah behind sleeping. He soon realises something has gone terribly wrong with the world, and he and Tommy are desperate to save her. Basically: my interpretation of the truck journey back to the Millers to rescue Sarah, on the night of the outbreak in the HBO version. Based on this piece I wrote.

Notes: This took it out of me: I rewatched both the HBO series and the game scenes leading up to/after this to get into the right headspace, and it really did a number on me. This follows the events of the show, however feel free to interpret it however you wish! Please don’t hate me - this fic is quite sad, so please don’t continue if you feel it’ll upset you. Special thanks to @mandrillusphinx for the idea.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, mentions of violence and blood, potentially distressing content.

Slamming the truck door harder than he meant to, Joel cursed his little brother under his breath. Fuckin’ Tommy. Couldn’t even keep his shit together on his birthday. He knew it’d been a bad idea as he’d watched Tommy go earlier that night; they’d had a shitty day at work, the hours dragging on, more and more problems cropping up on site. His brother’s solution? Head into the city when they were done, hit a couple bars and drink till his back didn’t hurt anymore. Tommy knew better than to invite Joel. He’d never had that kind of freedom; becoming a father unexpectedly at 22 would do that to anyone - not that Joel resented it for a moment.

He thought of his daughter, now, as he headed along the highway towards Travis County jail to bail his shithead brother out, ready for Tommy’s lazy excuses. Guilt pooled in his stomach. The fuckin’ cake. The fuckin’ watch. Sarah was his blessing; his biggest achievement, and more often than not he felt he was letting her down as another year of fatherhood passed him by. She was growing up, blossoming into a young woman, as beautiful as her mother had been before her. He knew he ought to treasure the twilight years of just the two of them. Joel was seeing his baby through college and beyond, no doubt about that.

He couldn’t forget Sarah’s words, eating away at him as they had been for the last hour or so as he struggled to concentrate on Curtis & Viper 2, her other birthday gift. You were never gonna do it for yourself. Joel tried to escape the notion that his kid was doing a better job of parenting than he was. His baby was polite, popular; Joel swelled with pride at parent teacher conferences and at school pickups, overhearing comments from some of the other parents. She’d had to grow up quicker than her peers, and she’d taken it in her stride.

He resolved to take a couple days off that weekend; head out hiking with Sarah like they did every year for his birthday. It was their favourite thing to do together, and he hadn’t made enough effort so far this year. Joel needed to make the most of it before he lost her entirely to soccer practice and sleepovers, or when she inevitably thought she was too cool to hang out with her old man. Tommy already did a good enough job of making him feel like a fuckin’ dinosaur. Small steps first, though: don’t forget the fuckin’ cake. Again.

Joel sighed; scrubbing a hand over his face, weary to the bone as he tried to concentrate on his driving. It was only then, pulled from his reverie, that he noticed the stream of traffic flooding past. Cop car lights dazzled him; he counted a dozen in less than a minute, speeding erratically on the highway. He felt the smallest frisson of fear. What the fuck? An accident? A bomb? Police activity in Austin on a Friday night was not unusual, but the numbers were unnerving. He was driving into in the city now; a journey he knew like the back of his hand. But as he travelled further; Joel began to feel a strange sort sickness, unimaginable chaos unfolding before him.

It all happened so fast. It flashed by as he headed for the jail on autopilot: cops scuffling with bystanders on the sidewalk, smashed glass and smeared blood, and people running - sprinting - seemingly for their lives. In every direction, with no thought for the road or whatever may be on it, any sense of human instinct totally abandoned. Bodies on the floor as helicopters thundered loudly overhead; white beams casting a horrifying light on the scene playing out before him. Joel turned the radio up, chasing an explanation; terror sliding down his spine like sweat in the summertime. A monotonous voice filled the cab of the truck: “This is a National Security Alert. Return to your homes, and stay there. Further instructions will be announced in due course. This is a National-“ he switched it off, heart leaping into his mouth. Sarah.

Joel rounded the corner much too fast; headlights miraculously landing on Tommy, eyes wild as he sprinted toward the truck, people fleeing into the darkness around him. “Move the fuck over, Joel! Let me drive!” his brother was yelling, and Joel slid across the bench, half in shock. “How’d you get out-“ Joel began, but Tommy was firm, temporarily more composed than his older brother. The military man in him. “Doesn’t fuckin’ matter, Joel. We gotta get outta here, away from all these people,” he said darkly, pulling off the sidewalk. “Where’s Sarah?” he asked, wiping sweat off his brow. “At home, asleep,” Joel whispered, feeling bile rise in his throat.

Tommy cursed loudly, foot to the floor as he navigated out of the city; Joel tried to center his breathing, anxiety washing over him in an endless tide. He couldn’t drag his eyes from the windows. People hunched over bodies.. Robbing them? Murdering them? Was it some kind of poisoning in the water supply? Psychedelic drugs gone wrong? Protesting taken too far? Civil unrest? Cars were rammed into one another, power lines were faltering and storefronts were on fire. “Tommy, what the fuck is happenin’? What do you know?” Joel demanded. He hated the loss of control; the world was falling apart around him and he’d left his daughter at home. Alone. Defenceless. In the one place she should be safe.

“I overheard a nurse, sayin’ it could be some sorta new virus, people attackin’ each other and shit like that,” Tommy rambled nervously, “You remember that stuff goin’ on in Jakarta? On the radio this mornin’? Well, looks like it’s happenin’ here.” Joel did remember his birthday breakfast that morning. It felt like a different life, a million miles away, a normalcy that had been torn to shreds. Reprimanding Sarah for the egg shells, hustling her out the door for school. Sarah. His baby. “I left her, Tommy. I fuckin’… I just left her, in her bed,” Joel muttered, anger at himself curled in his chest.

“You lock the door?” his brother asked, knuckles white on the steering wheel. “Of course I did,” Joel spat, watching - waiting - for each street sign and junction, counting down the minutes. “She’ll be fine,” Tommy tried to quietly reassure him, “bet ya she won’t’ve moved an inch.” Joel ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, dripping in sweat, praying his brother was right. She’d be there, sure she would. Curled up with her sneakers on still. Right where he’d left her. Nobody could get into the house, he knew that much. Not unless they tried very fucking hard.

The disorder seemed to dissipate a little as they headed away from the city center; a tiny comfort. “Joel, this guy at the bar? The reason they called the fuckin’ cops?” Tommy started, “I ain’t ever seen shit like that in my life. I couldn’t stand there and let it happen. Dude was fuckin’ crazy, tryin’ to bite this waitress. Like he had a disease or some shit. He was twitchin’ all over, too. Maybe it’s a parasite,” he shrugged.

The blood in Joel’s veins had long since turned to ice, his brother’s story solidifying it. “Tommy, you fuckin’ get us home, and you get us there now,” Joel urged, feeling his heartbeat accelerating. His daughter’s name was a mantra in his head, repeating with each frantic thrum of his pulse. He was taking charge; Sarah needed him, and so did his brother. He hadn’t failed them yet, and he sure wasn’t gonna start now. “Rifle in the back?” he asked, Tommy nodding solemnly. Joel leaned over, grateful for something to do. Five minutes till home.

Equipping himself with a wrench, Joel urged Tommy on. Images flicked over and over in his brain like a sickening picture show: Sarah, her dark eyes - his eyes - wide with fear, her breath quickening, screaming for him, her father, who’d abandoned her in the darkness. No. He shook his head, physically, ridding himself of the nightmare. “What about the neighbours, Joel?” Tommy asked. “The Adlers? Denise, and the kids? Should we warn ‘em? Take ‘em with us?” Joel shook his head; again, more furiously this time. “Like hell, Tommy. We don’t even have a fuckin’ plan. Best we can do is tell them to stay inside,” he said irritably, guilt ever-present and swirling in his guts.

“So, what do we do?” Tommy asked plainly, earlier bravado deserting him. It always worked this way. Whatever Joel said, Tommy did. “I don’t.. I don’t know,” Joel mumbled, voice cracking. “We grab Sarah and we get the fuck out. No time for anythin’ else.” Tommy was nodding; orders received and heard. “Get a fuckin’ move on, Tommy!” Joel slammed a hand on the dash.

The cul-de-sac loomed into view: it was eerily, deathly quiet, besides a car alarm in the distance. “Come on, come on,” Joel pleaded, adrenaline coursing through him, homing in on his daughter. His purpose, all that mattered in the world. “There, Joel. I can see her!” Tommy pointed up ahead, outside the Adlers. Sarah was running. Fleeing, like he’d seen everybody do in the city. From the unknown, from danger, from death. But she was alive: her face caught in the glow of the headlights. Terrified and alone. But Joel was here now. He’d save her. Because he didn’t know what he would do if he couldn’t.

#joel miller #sarah miller #tommy miller #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou hbo #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #sarah miller fanfiction #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #my stuff

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ordowrites · 7 days

Text

cw: self indulgent, afab reader, fluff, established relationship, mdni, minors dni, some kissing, reader is given terms of endearment.

diluc birthday month!!! wrote for comfort. today was a bad day.

it has been a day - the stress piles on and on until you feel it's suffocating weight and all you can do is curl up in bed and cry. You promised yourself you wouldn't, yet here you are, and clutching your childhood stuffed animal close to your chest. Even now, for as ragged as it is, it brings comfort so it sleeps with you and Diluc.

"My fire, are you okay?"

You peek up, vision blurred to see Diluc standing there.

"Adelinde came and said she saw you beeline towards our room. You look upset." Diluc explains. "I ended the meeting to make sure you're okay."

You sniffle.

"But that's important." Another thing to feel guilty about and he's surprised by the tears. Diluc crosses the threshold and sits next to you. He pulls you close as you sob - the very thing that broke whatever grip you had on your emotions.

He rocks you, shushing you, and reassures you that you are amazing and he loves you and you're important. The sobs continue until you slowly fall asleep, held in his warm grip.

When you awake, you feel heavy but he still holds you, half asleep himself.

But he awakens when he feels you move.

"You okay, precious?" You sniffle and nod. "Do you wish to talk about it?" You stare down at the bed - there is no real reason for your tears. Bad days are just...bad days. And once more, Diluc is hugging you. He understands these days, where you seem to feel hopeless and the tears don't stop. A catalyst sets it off, stressful days become unmanageable.

He softly kisses your head.

"I am here, my beloved flame, I am here." He buries his face in your hair. You know if he could take away depression from you, he would.

And all you can do is cling to his words as fresh tears prick at your eyes and cling to him.

"I love you " you hiccup. "I'm sorry."

"Shh. I love you too, beautiful one. I'm here, I'm here." And it's where he stays until you're in a better headspace, he stays until your eyes light up again and you express want for food. He brings you your favorites - it's the best he can do, next to your enemies heads on silver platters, something you don't want.

"I love you." he tells you again, firmly. Remind, reiterate. You smile and lay against him. You are safe with him.

#diluc #genshin x reader #diluc x reader #diluc x you #diluc x y/n #diluc imagines #genshin imagines #genshin impact #ordo.text #ordo.txt #mine.txt

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hobiebrownismygod · 2 months

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Hey hun, I need some hobie comfort. Basically been in a terrible headspace liking planning my final letter type of mind. (not important) anyway I'm usually numb when it comes to these things, so based on something that happened a few weeks back. Miguel is in a bad mood and just lays it into y/n. And needless to say she bursts and full out sobs her heart out, knee dropping type pain from having it built up for weeks and hobie just comforting her. (if you're up to it lovie❤️ have a good day)

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way :( I hope you can get into a better place soon!! I hope what I wrote helps <3

_____________

The door shut behind you with a SLAM as you practically ran out of Miguel's office, leaving him behind to yell at the wall rather than you. He'd been in a "bad mood" this past week and it seemed as though he needed an outlet. That outlet ended up being the first person he could see, which, of course, ended up being you.

So you'd accidentally dropped one of his gadgets earlier. It didn't break or anything, so why was he so angry? Why did he-why did everyone have to take everything out on you?

You tried your hardest not to cry as you shoved your way into one of the many cramped closets littering HQ and closed the door behind you. You sat down, curling up against the wall of the dark, tight room as you panted, slowly letting the tears stream down your face.

Your sobs were just barely muffed by your knees as you cried, harder than you'd cried in a long time, making it seem as though by the time you were done, there'd be a large puddle of your own tears beneath you.

But then, the noise just barely hidden by your loud, raspy exhales, you heard three soft knocks. You quieted yourself, not even bothering to lift your head.

"Darling? You in here?"

Hobie.

You must've ran past him on your way here without even noticing. You stayed silent, hoping he'd just leave you alone. You didn't want him to see you like this.

"Come on dove, just let me in." He knocked again, refusing to take no for an answer as the handle of the door jiggled.

You simply curled yourself up even tighter. He wouldn't be able to get through the lock, would he? At least, he wouldn't try that hard...right?

But to your dismay, not even a brass lock would be able to stop Hobie Brown from coming in to comfort his girl.

The door swung open and he stood there, a shocked look on his face. When he saw you sitting there on the ground, all bundled up like a child, his expression softened and he frowned.

"Hey, you" he said gently, crouching down in front of you, long arms reaching out towards you to pull you into a hug. "What happened?"

You didn't look at him as he pulled you into his arms, kissing the top of your head with a bittersweet smile and rubbing your back. He stayed silent for another moment before sighing.

"You don't want to talk? Alright. That's okay. I'll just stay here with you, baby." He whispered, nuzzling his nose into your hair and holding you tight.

"he yelled at me." You sniffled quietly after a beat. Hobie's expression perked up when he heard your voice and he smiled softly into your hair. "He yelled at you?" He asked gently.

"Mhmm." you nodded, wiping at your wet, teary eyes before burying your face in his chest. He chuckled softly in response, pulling off his vest and wrapping it around you to hold you even closer, hands settling on your back. "That bastard." He muttered, lips grazing the top of your forehead. "You want me to go piss him off?"

"No." You sniffled again, shaking your head. "He'll just be more mad." You felt the tears welling up in your eyes again and hid your face in his neck, shivering slightly as you began to cry.

"Aww, dove..." He looked as though he might start crying himself as he snuggled you, kicking the door closed with his foot so that the two of you could be in total privacy. "What's going on with you? You don't usually get this worked up over him.

"I don't know." You sobbed, pulling back slightly. He immediately held you tighter, forcing your head back onto his neck. "No, no, it's okay, keep crying. It's okay."

You relaxed against him, letting the tears just fall out as you tried to calm yourself. "Shhh. You're doing good, baby, keeping crying. Let it all out." He cooed, pulling you into his lap and rocking you gently.

As you slowly began to calm down, he cupped your face in his hands, looking into your tear-stained face for the first time. "My poor peng" he cooed again, kissing your forehead and holding you against his chest.

"I'm just so tired of being yelled at, 'Bie." You whispered, closing your eyes again as you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

"I know, baby, I know" He said gently, laying back against the wall so he could prop you up against him. "Next time he yells at you, you come to me, right? I'll take care of him."

"Okay" you said, mustering up a smile for him as you wiped your wet face again. At seeing this, his expression immediately lit up and he kissed you, holding you close. "Cuz no one yells at my dove. No one." He said again, kissing all over your face, cleaning your face of your tears before nuzzling your neck. "Especially not that dictator wanker."

You giggled, closing your eyes and pulling his warm vest around yourself a little tighter as he held you, rocking you like a baby, back and forth, side to side, whispering in your ear about how much he loves you.

"I love youuu" He teased, "I love you my little doe"

"Doe? You mean dove?" You asked, looking up at him curiously. At this, he just laughed harder, holding your face in his hands. "You know, a doe, a baby deer. You look like a doe with those big, gorgeous eyes of yours"

You shook your head, laughing as he kissed your nose, just barely pressing his lips against the tip before hugging you again.

"My lovely little doe. I'm not gonna let anyone yell at you again, alright?"

"I love you, 'Bie."

He grinned a shit-eating grin, knowing that he'd finally succeeded at cheering you up. "I love you too, darling. More than you'd ever know."

_____________________

Taglist: @therealloopylupin2099 @rinverse @l0starl @daydreaming-en-pointe @itsparis-07 @vileviale @puff-hugs @d0uble-tr0ubl3 @lauryn2558 @choccymilkdrinker @sunasslut69 @ask-1610-miles @ask-1610miles @axels-garden @eli21345 @miniaturesuitfox @spotconlon55 @riris-radioactive-panther @trash-panda-xoxo

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ur-boyfiend · 8 months

Text

the way you say hello

was thinking abt diff love languages n subtle ways ppl show they care and got myself stuck in dumb clingy headspace so here's this !

skz 's love languages !!

-> skz x gn!reader , i think 2nd person ?

-> fluff !! so much fluff

-> wrote this on my phone at 2am so the formatting is a wee bit ass , sorry abt that

chan !! making sure he's never too busy to spend time with you , or at least send a text message with some kind of cheesy compliment. will text you random things throughout the day with a caption like 'this reminded me of you'. if the two of you are being offered something he lets you pick first.

minho !! when the two of you hang out together you usually each do your own thing , but some part of you is always touching , wether using him as a backrest or just him draping his legs over yours. usually has a darker sense of humor but always makes sure you're comfortable with his jokes.

changbin !! always quick to help you out if you need it (sometimes even if you don't) , orders extra food for you even if you say you're not hungry. occasionally gets hoodies he thinks you'd like in order to let you steal them. always lets you have the last of the foods you like.

hyunjin !! draws you a lot , uses you as reference for pose / feature studies. you're the only one he lets have open access to his sketchbooks (you always ask before looking anyway) , always gets you a coffee when he stops for one , usually a pastry too.

jisung !! random kisses ; forehead , nose , cheek , back of your hand , shoulder , whatever is nearest. likes playing with your hair. will sometimes get you matching accessories , is always wearing at least one. you both help soothe eachother's anxiety , you know his anxious tics and he knows yours.

felix !! knows your favorite desserts and makes them more often than anything else , always has sweets in case you have a bad day. can read your moods well and makes sure to check in if you seem like you're not doing well. the two of you have amassed an impressive plushy collection.

seungmin !! likes to sing to you, will learn songs he knows you like / that you know the words to so you can sing together. has a sharp tongue but knows your boundaries and does his best not to cross them. he's more comfortable being physically affectionate with you than anyone else, and everyone knows that.

jeongin !! likes making aesthetic + fashion pin boards with you , lets you raid his wardrobe for events. likes swapping clothes / styles with you. lots of café and thrift / vintage store dates. you're both able to understand each other even if you're only really making vague noises and hand gestures.

#boyfiend writes #skz #stray kids #bang chan #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids x y/n #skz x reader #skz imagines #skz fluff

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romanestuffsposts · 1 month

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I'm on my period rn 😖 and I have pains from the hell :( soo I was thinking if you could do daddy stucky x little reader x little Peter where the reader has so bad pains that she can bearly move and Peter don't really understand what happened he just sees that his little sis is in very much pain(she's in the headspace 1-3 and he is like 6 or 7) and he tries to help🥺🥺💞

Hi there love! 💜

I'm so sorry you had to go through this.. I hope you feel better now. I totally understand what you’re feeling. I’m on my first day right now 😕 I send you lots of loveeeeee 🩷

I hope you like how i wrote your request sweetie!

Enjoy <33

****

Warnings : period time, pain, tears, peter heal you, not a long fix (i think, it depends on people’s opinion hihi), lot’s of love and fluff, pet name, kisses

Pairings : Daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : it’s period time and Peter is worried for you and want to help you

A/N : just to be clear, when I saw « your Papa » « your Daddies » etc, the your is for Peter and Little reader, not just little reader like other times.

****

You’re in front of your favorite show, with your favorite dessert in hands and your favorite stuffie with you, so why are you upset ? Peter doesn’t really understand why his little sister, you, isn’t happy right now like you usually are when you have everything like just now.

Your Papa told him that you were in pain right now, he watched him changing you differently than usual and when you all went back downstairs in the living room there was a towel on the couch which was odd. Your Daddies took care of you differently and he didn’t understand why.

Peter knew he couldn’t questions you because of your state and he didn’t even know how to ask and what to ask at your Daddies to understand what is happening. So he played calmly on the floor beside you so he could have an eye on you. Of course he’s worried, he doesn’t need to understand and to feel worried about you.

It’s been only two hours that your Daddies went to work in their office, as much as they wanted to stay and take care of their little babies they couldn’t. In those two hours you tried to sleep a little through the show, without success, you tried to enjoy the show and even eat but the pain was too much.

It’s the first day, if you know, you know.

You start groaning both from the pain and the annoyance of the situation which alert Peter. He stopped his game and turns his eyes to you. He watches you curling your little body against yourself and sees the pain on your face. He stands up from the ground and walk toward you, his caresses his hand in your hair and kisses your forehead ‘’you wanna my help ?’’ He quietly asks.

You nod your head.

He wipes your little tears and gives you a little kiss on the forehead before running upstairs. He looks around the playroom and smile when his eyes fall on what he was looking for.

You hear footsteps running down the stairs and seconds later, he was by your side ‘’I know wha you need’’ He smiles. He hold one of your doll ‘’she gonna heal you’’

He lifts her arms as if she wanted to hug you and then he gently brings her hands toward your belly. He lifts your shirt and rests her hands on your skin, he makes her rub it.

You sniff and look down at her hands ‘’she hep ?’’

He nod and smiles ‘’yes she h-help you wis pain, you don move, okay ?’’

You nod ‘’otay’’

Your Daddies came to take a break but stop at the door to watch you.

Peter starts singing the song your Papa sings whenever one of you is sick and doesn’t feel well. It usually make you sleepy so he tries that too.

Your Daddy smiles at your Papa.

The doll end up the work with kisses on your lower belly and then all over your head ‘’finiiiish’’ Peter exclam with happiness.

You giggle at his mood which make him proud because he and the doll succeed at helping you. ‘’Thank you for helping her, big boy’’ Steve smiles as he enters the room. He takes Peter in his arms ‘’You’re the best brother you know that right ?’’ Peter smiles and hides his face in your Papa’s neck which make him chuckle.

Your Daddy comes by your side and strokes your head ‘’how are you feeling, babygirl ?’’

‘’Bette’’ you mumble.

He smiles and nods ‘’perfect then’’

‘’You hear that ? You made her feel better’’ Your Papa whispers in Peter’s ear

‘’Why don’t we finish the show together before preparing dinner ?’’ Your Daddy proposes. Peter shows his excitation and runs toward the couch. Of course he decides to sit beside you because he wants to be the one to take care of you and not someone else.

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jacksdinonuggets · 2 months

Text

~Fight Nights~

Y'ALL I HAD AN IDEA AND I WROTE IT.

Summary: Vaggie has a fight with Charlie and needs comfort. However, the only other person she can run to is Carmilla

Vaggie stormed out of the hotel, angry, and on the brink of tears. She and Charlie had just gotten into a fight. They didn’t fight often so it really affected them when they did. The reason that they fought? Vaggie was suppressing her negative emotions again, therefore keeping a secret. This made Charlie pretty upset since she wanted them to have a mutual relationship and not just one protector. However, Vaggie viewed herself as someone who couldn’t show weakness so she got pretty worked up when Charlie confronted her about it. She didn’t mean to turn it into an argument. It just sort of happened.

Anyways, she just really needed comfort from someone and the only other person she could really go to was carmilla. She had been taking fighting lessons once a week with her and sometimes, she would even teach a little bit of ballet so she could learn to dance-fight. At first, they would just go back and forth with returning weapons and paying some loans and business stuff but then they started to get a bit personal. Sometimes, if Vaggie was having a bad day, Carmilla would invite her into her office and they would talk about whatever was bothering her before they practiced.

So, still slightly pissed and more emotional than ever, she walked to her warehouse that was also just her normal house. She knocked on the big metal doors, hanging her head low. Now was not the time to cry.

The doors opened after a couple of seconds and Carmilla greeted her at the door.

“Vaggie, what brings you here? It is not our normal practice day,” She questioned as she urged the girl inside.

“I just-... I needed someplace safe to cool down. Me and Charlie had a fight,” Vaggie explained. Talking had never seemed as hard as it did at that moment. It felt like with every word she was about to break down into tears. Usually, if she was feeling like this, she would go to Charlie and the two would cuddle, spend time together, or have little time. But she couldn’t because she felt wrong for having to want comfort from the person she just fought with. It would be awkward and strange.

Carmilla sighed, “How about you meet me in my office and i’ll bring up a cup of tea. Then you can tell me all about it, ‘kay?” Vaggie nodded and started walking up the stairs. She passed the big doors that lead into the main house area and went towards the office.

As Vaggie was waiting, she could feel her headspace teetering. It was a weird feeling to want to be taken care of and comforted by basically a stranger. But somehow she grew sort of attached to her.

When Carmilla returned, she had two cups of tea in her hand. She gave one to Vaggie, who was sitting on the couch. She nodded a thank you and took a sip. Carmilla sat next to her and put her’s on the coffee table.

“Alright, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” she prompted. Vaggie took a deep breath and began.

“Charlie had begun to notice that i was hiding my vulnerable emotions and lying whenever she would ask if i was okay. I get overwhelmed easily but I would say i was fine whenever someone would ask, just to not be seen as weak. Well, she noticed and confronted me about it. We got into this huge fight and she brought up how i haven’t regressed-” Shit, she can’t tell her that. That’s too personal. Plus, what if she thinks its weird? “Uh- I mean used this one coping mechanism in a month or two and that i was repressing it,” wow, great save there.

“Anyways, she hit a few nerves that I know she probably regrets. I said a few things I’m not proud of, but it still hurts. Its like, I really want a hug but I can’t get it because she’s the only one I have who can comfort and love me!” Vaggie spiraled. At this point, she didn’t even care that she was talking to a dangerous overlord. She just needed to rant. And rant she did.

“Would it make you feel better if I gave you a hug?” Carmilla offered. She saw how Vaggie looked as though she desperately needed one. It was like looking at a small panicking child. You just needed to help them. In a way, Vaggie reminded her of her daughters. And Carmilla reminded Vaggie of a mother in a way. Not like she’s ever known hers, being a heavenborn orphan whose only family consisted of exorcists who bullied her.

Vaggie nodded. Carmilla wrapped her arms around the small, short girl and gave a reassuring squeeze. Vaggie had never wanted to cry more than did right now. It was overwhelming. But not exactly in a bad way. She felt this strange, clingy emotion towards her.

Carmilla was about to pull away but she felt something stopping her. Vaggie’s arms were gripping her waist like her life depended on it and she could feel something wet on her collarbone where Vaggie had her head. She hadn’t even noticed the girl start crying. But nonetheless, she rubbed her back and comforted her, just like she would with her daughters.

“Shh, it's okay, I’ve got you,” she whispered in a soothing motherly tone, the one she never uses with strangers or in combat.

Vaggie’s headspace dipped so far when those words were spoken. She felt so small, like a toddler in Carmilla’s big embrace.

“Mama..” Vaggie mumbled into her chest. It was very muffled and quiet though.

Carmilla noticed the words spoken from vaggie and knew that the girl’s headspace had dropped. She wasn’t stupid. She knew what regression was.

“Mama’s here, sweetie,” she gently told her.

The two hugged for what seemed to be 5 minutes until Vaggie calmed down. She didn’t want to let go though. It felt so good to feel loved.

“It seems like it’s past your bedtime, little one,” she said when they pulled apart. Vaggie pouted but was noticeably tired. It was about 9:30 and her little brain could only stay up so late.

“Come on, I’ve got a spare room you can use.” she stood up and signalled for her to follow her. However, she Vaggie was having some trouble standing. She kept falling over. Having one eye and being small didn’t mix well for balance.

Carmila bent over and picked her up. She held her by her hip as she carried her out of the office, their tea forgotten. She walked towards the big doors that led to the main house area. When she opened the doors, Clara and Odette were sitting in the living room on the couch. They looked up to see their mother carrying the princesses girlfriend? It confused them but Carmilla mouthed ‘I’ll explain later’.

When they approached the guest room, Carmilla was able to hold Vaggie with one hand for about a second to open the door. They didn’t have any spare pajamas so Vaggie would have to sleep in her current clothes. They didn’t seem too uncoomfortable though.

Carmila laid her down in the bed and pulled the covers over her, tucking her in.

“Wha’ bout Char-Char?” Vaggie rubbed her eyes. The big kid in her knew that Charlie would be expecting her to be home in about an hour and would definitely begin freaking out if she wasn’t home by then.

“I’ll let her know you’re staying the night,” Carmilla said in a hushed voice, “For now, its ni-ni,”

Once she was done tucking her in she turned off the lights and left, but not before cracking the door just in case Vaggie needed anything during the night. Then, she went back downstairs to explain the situation to her daughters. They seemed pretty okay with it and promised not to spread it, as Carmilla knew it was something she’d probably like to keep a secret. In the end, Carmila never expected to be the mother of three, yet here she was.

#agere fanfic #agere writing #safe agere #sfw agere #age regression #hazbin hotel agere #sfw littlespace #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel carmilla #carmilla carmine #Carmilla Carmine is Vaggie's caregiver #hazbin hotel age regression #hazbin hotel littlespace

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megachaoticstupid · 2 months

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Side-quests

Author's note: I was really down several years ago and wrote this. It is purely super-indulgent and I wrote it to get out of my bad headspace. I hope you will enjoy it! Also, huge thanks to @gothdaddyissues for the headers and to @her-satanic-wiles for, as always, being awesome

You are hyper fixating and your lover, Papa Emeritus II, takes care of you.

You were always preoccupied with your current obsessions, your interests varying from learning all you could do about a certain topic at hand, spending countless hours watching documentaries, reading books and articles or doing something crafty. Your room had boxes full of projects in different states of being finished laid there collecting dust and making you feel guilty. You always promised to yourself to get your inspiration back and finish them. Usually, you never did.

And now, you were sitting behind your desk, shoulders tense as you worked on your new ambitious project: crocheting a big blanket for Papa Primo. It sounded really easy and it looked really easy. And after spending hours watching videos where people were crocheting things and it took them only several days to finish, you were greatly inspired to do the same. Your mind latched onto the opportunity to get a new source of dopamine even though you didn’t know how to hold a hook.

You wanted to make Primo cozy, to help him relax on the chilly nights under a warm blanket. So, for you the only logical and easy way to help him, was making it yourself. How long can it take? Two days? A week? You wanted to make a big blanket for him, 2 meters long and 1.8 meter wide. You saw people on the internet making bigger projects in less than a week, so you were certain you could do it with ease.

Spending hours on YouTube and watching videos from amazing creators, you couldn’t help yourself but go down further and further this rabbit hole, learning a lot about the yarn, how to differentiate between them, which hooks and materials are the best, you watched hundreds of tutorials on how to do this or that stitch, somehow you even landed on the crocheting drama channels that gossiped about scandals in this online community. And you were surprised with a ferocity of it and all of the drama people in such a peaceful hobby. It was amusing, it was wonderful and your mind was vibrating from all of this new information which you generously spilled to everyone willing to listen. Mostly to your lover, Secondo.

At the beginning of your peculiar relationship, he was sometimes greatly surprised with the way your mind worked. All of your conversations jumped from one topic to another, losing the initial thought completely and then returning to it thirty minutes later, as you rambled to him about everything. And he loved it greatly, being a listener, rather than a talker, getting dragged into your spiraling stories with a smile on his face. Sometimes he had to repeat his questions to you, noticing that you zoned out of the conversation with him or other people. It was adorable and he just silently accepted that you needed several reminders and notification about chores or that sometimes you can take a side quest doing your task, or loose your things that were mere minutes ago in your hands. He never minded to help you.

And after entering your new phase together, he didn’t want to admit it, but he just loved all of the petty drama people would come up with. And to your amusement he sometimes stopped in his tracks when you once again listened to one of those crocheting drama videos, hands on his hips, completely absorbed in the story, making small huffs of bewilderment. If you teased him, he scoffed at you, calling it all a nonsense and returned to his chores. But you know well that his ears were still perked up with interest and he never left the room until the video ended.

He always showered you in his affections, giving you small gifts and taking you out on the fancy and deliberate dates, giving you all the spare time he had. Sometimes he even joined in on your new hobby, helping you paint or making pottery with you. Usually, on the quiet evenings he read you out loud a book he was interested in, while you laid beside him, working on your project. Or he would listen to podcasts with you, humming to the interesting parts, hands lazily stroking your side. He never imposed, never questioned your sudden bursts of energy and for that alone you loved him so much.

And now you were sitting at your ambitious big project which had been due months ago and still wasn’t finished. The guilt you felt was matching your frustration. You liked to crochet, you liked to do stuff in general, but you were inexperienced and sometimes needed to redo your work because you made stiches too tight or too loose and it drove you mad.

It was fun at the beginning, the colors you chose for the patched blanket were nice and soothing, the yarn was soft and squares for a patched blanket were fun with different stitch for every color. But you had miscalculated the amount of each square you had to do, and now you had to make more black squares and needed to redo blue ones because they were too big and loose compared to the others. And some of them were with uneven sides because you forgot to count your every row.

To you it was a complete disaster. Your fingers itched and ached as you hunched at your work, cursing at yourself and this stupid blanket. You wanted it to be perfect while it was everything but perfect. You wanted to cry, working on this blanket through sheer willpower and stubbornness, wanting nothing more than to throw it all away. You swore at yourself, tears prickling your eyes as your mind spiraled. Today was not the best day to work on your crocheting hobby, punishing yourself for being so slow with it. And on top of that, it was the middle of summer and the yarn which was warm and nice in February now was too warm to your liking, making you sweat and even air conditioner couldn’t help you.

All you needed to do is to make five more white squares and put them all together in a desired order and be done with it. But in your frustration, you couldn’t concentrate, drifting off to other tasks in your thoughts or sometimes just spacing out looking at the tv. You put on play some restoration videos not a while ago and now they looked more interesting and inviting than your task at hand.

The door behind you opened and gently closed, footsteps were quietening by the floor carpet, but you still recognized them: Secondo returned from his duties. He came closer to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. His cologne filled your nose relaxing you as Secondo leaned slightly to look in your eyes. When he saw tears in them, he frowned. His hand gently cupped your cheek and brushed it

“What is wrong, amore? Did someone hurt you?”

You shook your head, ashamed of your emotions and bit on your bottom lip. His voice was tender and soft and it made you want to cry more. You placed your hand upon his, leaning your head to his touch and made a deep shaky breath. Secondo noticed the yarn on the floor and a wobbly white square on your lap. He sighed leaning closer and kissing your forehead.

“Did you eat today or even take a break, tesoro?”

You shook your head again and sighed looking guilty. He tugged you by your hands, making you stand up and rubbed them. His gaze was soft and tender as he kissed you briefly on your lips.

“I am hungry myself. Let’s eat together and then I will help you with your stuff, okay?”

“Thank you”

You said, hugging him close to you and hiding your face in his shoulder

“I am always so stupid and forget everything”

He kissed the top of your head and hugged you closer

“You are not stupid, tesoro, you are just really invested in everything you do. And I really love that about you”

He kissed you once again this time on the forehead and led you into the kitchen where he sat you down and started making dinner. You always loved the way he did it: the sleeves of his shirt rolled up revealing his forearms, the apron sat tight on his body and his strong hands worked on the table, preparing food. Sometimes you got too carried away with your thoughts and then the dinner was postponed, because your chef was too preoccupied with you rather than food. This time though, you just simply sat on the chair and let yourself relax, chatting with Secondo about his day and yours. The sound of the knife working on the cutting board was almost soothing.

After dinner, you helped him to wash the dishes and put them away, humming to the music from the radio. He pulled you into the dance in the middle of the chore and you giggled for the first time today, swaying to music and giving him all of the kisses you can give, his hands slid down your waist and rested on the hips, squeezing them tightly.

“So, what is with your blanket?”

He asked and your smile dropped as you remembered all of your failures. You shook your head

“It is a disaster, I hate it and I am already late for Primo’s birthday.”

“It is not that bad. I saw what you did and it looks really good, amore, you are too hard on yourself”

He tried to reassure you, kissing your cheek and smiling warmly at you. You smiled back weakly and stepped aside, hugging yourself.

“I really hate it already and hate that my mind just can’t focus on this, you know? And I feel stupid that I get distracted, loose count and ta-da I made it wrong and I need to redo this.”

You sighed exasperatedly, looking frustrated and he took you in his arms again

“Let’s do this then: we let it sit for some time, doing another hobby and then return to your blanket and finish it together, hm?”

The idea sounded tempting and you almost wanted to follow it, slightly relaxing in his embrace.

“I will forget about it if I put it away.”

“Good thing that I don’t forget about such things. We will relax together, maybe go to a party or on a date in a restaurant and later this week finish this present. Primo will be happy to receive it any time of the year.”

You hugged him tightly, whispering thanks to him. This week you went on dates and did his hobbies. Together you book binded the journals and had fun at his favourite club, baked pastries and went to a picnic. All of this helped you to let yourself go and when he suggested to help you crocheting, you didn’t argue, showing him how to make rows and basic stiches, needed for the white squares.

He learnt quickly, grumbling at the yarn when he pulled on it too tight or let it get looser than he wanted. You crocheted the blanket together, watching his favourite soap opera. You didn’t even notice when you finish all of your work and finally stitched together all of the squares, too preoccupied with the drama unfolding in the plot. Secondo was lying beside you on the bed, hook in his arm and eyes glued to the tv. He frowned and swore when the mother of one of the main heroes argued with his lover and splashed her face with water.

“Have you seen the audacity, amore? I hope Sarah will be with him out of spite.”

You chuckled at him, hugging him close and kissing him on the cheek. His arms circled around your waist and brought you closer to him. He made you feel so calm and at peace with his presence alone. Kissing him once again, you lay in his arms and sighed happily.

#secondo x reader #secondo #papa emeterius ii #papa emeterius ii x reader #papa emeterius fanfiction #the band ghost #the band ghost fanfiction #ghost bc #ghost band #ghost the band

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borderlinereminders · 2 years

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I screwed up and now have to apologize/make it right. Now what?

Okay, first of all, take a breath. When we mess up, it can be really hard on us and send us into a guilt spiral. Take a moment and remind yourself that you are human and humans make mistakes. Remind yourself that you are not a bad person. If you are having urges, please check out my post on urge surfing. If you are feeling in crisis, a skill like TIPP may help ground you.

If you are in the middle of a situation with someone, it's still okay to walk away. “I need to take some space to get control of my thoughts. I’m not trying to avoid this or walk away but I want to have a clear head.”

When you're feeling more calm, move on to the next step.

Apologizing

Apologies can be really hard. We're often told not to "ruin an apology" with excuses, but it can be so much more complicated than that. One of the first things I keep in mind about apologies is that explanations and excuses are not the same thing. Here is an example post I wrote of a personal situation where you can see an "explanation" apology instead of an "excuse" one.

It's not okay to say "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you but I wouldn't have if you hadn't done -insert reason here-." This is not a real apology, and it puts the blame on the other person for being screamed at or upset they were screamed at. It's valid to talk about your feelings that led to the situation, but they shouldn't be conveyed in your apology like that.

What you could say is "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you." But you could also say "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you. I was feeling frustrated but it wasn't right to scream at you and insult you." While a lot of people say the first one is "right", I do think the second one is also okay because sometimes an explanation can make it easier to apologize, or sometimes open the door for a bigger conversation (if the other person is in a headspace for it) or can be crucial to not disregarding your own feelings (which are valid, even if the way you responded to them wasn't.)

A lot of this depends on the relationship itself as well. The latter one works for my partner and me, as seen in the example post I shared above. It doesn't mean it will work with everyone, in fact, it could make some people feel dismissed or invalidated. It's good to communicate when you're both calm about what some of the best ways to navigate situations like apologies are.

Some other things to remember about apologies are while a lot of people say that it's okay to express how badly you feel, there is a fine line. Sometimes, even though we do genuinely feel torn up about something we've said/done, it's not good to convey that in a way that can lead to the other person needing to comfort us or feeling they need to put their feelings aside for our well-being. Saying things like "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you. I feel really bad that I did that because you didn't deserve it" are okay. But saying something like "I'm sorry I screamed at you. I feel so bad. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to handle this because I feel so guilty. I'm a terrible person and don't deserve your forgiveness" isn't really okay.

The feelings can be really overwhelming, and I get that and see how those guilt spiral apologies can happen but they end up pushing the other person to accept your apology even if they're not ready just to make sure you're okay.

After the apology

Okay, you've apologized. Now what? Well, it largely depends on what the other person is feeling. If they want some space to think, calm down or just breathe, then you should give them that. (Please note that there is a difference between someone needing space to process vs someone wanting space to avoid accountability for their part in things.)

Phrases like “It’s not fair of me to say what I said/do what I did and expect things to just be fine. I’m here when you want to discuss this further.” might be helpful

The other person is not obligated to accept your apology or offer forgiveness, but please note that this doesn't mean you should continue to beat yourself up.

When the other person is ready to talk to you, it's your turn to listen and hear them out (as long as they are talking to you in a calm manner. Regardless of what you did, they still shouldn't be attacking you.). Even if you don't agree with what they're saying, hear them out. Let them talk about their feelings. Sticking with our example, maybe they felt afraid when you screamed at them. Allow them the space to talk about that.

When they're done talking, now is the time where it might be time to communicate about things as a whole on how you can both do better in the future.

Maybe you screamed at them because they ate your food out of the fridge without asking, again. While your feelings are valid, you can still apologize for the hurtful things you said (like the insults in our example) but still communicate about the larger issue. In a case like this, using the DEAR MAN method might be helpful.

If this is a situation where you recognize you are completely at fault like say for example, you took out a bad mood/day on them, then this might be the point where you talk about working on things to do better. This might include talking about some coping skills you plan to use in the future, or even talking to them about ways they could support you if they're able to.

While you can't promise to never do it again, making an effort and plan to change and do better is important.

At the end of the day, remember it’s okay to make mistakes. You aren’t a bad person for them. Please don’t continue to beat yourself up.

#apologies #please note this is all my personal opinion #like none of this is fact #so take it with a grain of salt #i'm not a professional #this is just how i handle apologies #relationship advice #communication tips #conflict resolution

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