#i'll shut up eventually i just have Nowhere else to put this

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The One I've Been Waiting For {Part 06 of 13}

Word count: 2 K

Summary: Billy Hargrove is just one of the many students you're supposed to help. The last thing you expect from your interaction is that he'll start flirtt with you... Much less that Billy would stir up feelings you'd rather keep hidden. Despite the mutual sentiments that soon enough start to grow, there are a lot of reasons for whatever it is to be left alone, and one of them is your age...

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

A/N: In this story, reader is 5 years older than Billy, who's 18.

•••

Intimacy

 The first thing you notice when you wake up is the familiar scent on the sheets. Billy's cologne, which you grew to like. But he's not here, and when you're just about to call his name, you hear the shower being turned off.

 Sitting up, you run a hand through your hair, sighing. Maybe letting him stay wasn't a good idea. Weren't you supposed to end this? Or don't let it go anywhere? So why are you doing the exact opposite? Letting him stay, sleeping in his arms? Loving the brand new experience of sleeping next to someone?

 What went wrong from one point to the other? You lost track of it.

 You're still immersed in thoughts when the bathroom door opens, and a shirtless Billy comes out. He seems surprised to see you up, and you raise an eyebrow at him.

 You're seriously trying not to look.

 “I hope you don't mind me using your shower.”

 “Well, you did sleep on my bed. Guess it's ok to use the shower.” Standing up, you take a deep breath, eyes on the bathroom door to avoid staring at him. “My turn now.”

 “Hey.” He calls, and you turn around. “You look so cute when you're asleep.”

 His smirk makes you blush, so you roll your eyes and head to the bathroom, closing the door shut.

 You do take more time than necessary because you need to think. The thought of shutting Billy out crosses your mind, but something tells you that, if you even try, it's a battle your heart will win. So make up your mind for now. If Billy wants to go, because he'll have to go eventually, he'll do it himself.

 All that so you won't admit to yourself you want him to stay.

 When you're off the bathroom, Billy is nowhere to be found. It's a confusion of feelings between relief and loneliness, but before you can even start to work on that, you hear a noise downstairs. He's still here.

 Dressing up before going downstairs, you find Billy in the kitchen... Messing up with your stuff... Still shirtless.

 “...What are you doing? And please, don't set my grandmother's house on fire.”

 As you walk over to the countertop, Billy gives you an annoyed look. “I happen to be quite good at making waffles and you happen to have a waffle iron.” He gestures at the thing, already on.

 If Billy were anyone else, you'd be... Annoyed. You don't like people who you're not intimate with going through your stuff... But for some reason, you don't mind it. You're impressed. “Then I'll sit here and wait as you make me breakfast.” Moving to the kitchen island, you ignore his smirk. “Won't your father be mad at you not only for sleeping out but also for not going home at the break of dawn?” You can't help but ask when the thought crosses your head.

 “No, don't worry. He doesn't care. Actually, I think he can't wait until I find a job and get out.” Billy sighs, his muscular back moving smoothly. “And neither can I.”

 When you hear the pain in his voice, you curse yourself for bringing that up. So you decide to change the topic and lighten up the mood. “So... How many girls were lucky enough to have you make them waffles?”

 Billy giggles, putting the blatter in the waffle iron. “Believe it or not, you're the first.”

 “Really?”

 “The second, actually.” Furrowing his eyebrows, he leans on the countertop, looking at you.

 “Oh...” Clearing your throat, you look away, not wanting to think about who else might have had the pleasure.

 “The other one was Max. I had some made for me and Max had one.” He says and you look back at him, biting your lip. “What?”

 “Nothing, Billy.”

 “Alright.” He smiles, and soon enough he's done with the waffles and you decide to sit in the living room and eat while watching some TV.

 But the TV is quickly forgotten, as you chat about small things. Talking to Billy is... Easy. And with all those things away from your head, you feel able to enjoy his company.

 “What do you think about my grandmother's house?” You ask after drinking what's left of your orange juice.

 “I like it. Way better than my place.”

 “And how's your place?”

 “Trash.”

 Giggling, you roll your eyes. “Well, this thing is that when you have your own place you can decorate it the way you like. When I lived with my parents I had to endure those awful paintings they have in the living room.”

 “Let me guess. Some abstract shit.”

 Nodding, you laugh. “There's a huge painting, right above the fireplace. The background is white and there are only two vertical blue lines.” You laugh again remembering it, folding both legs under you and turning your body towards him. “My father says it's... Transcendent.”

 “God.” Billy mumbles, laughing too.

 “He says it makes him think about the duality of life and death and I'm like... How the hell did you get that from two vertical blue lines?” Furrowing your eyebrows, you shrug. “It just sucks, believe me.”

 “Oh, I do.” He giggles. “What are your plans for today by the way?”

 “Mmm... Lunch with Tanya and Liam. And since they have a date later tonight I'll head back home and I don't know, watch something nice maybe.” His staring makes you blush, glancing at the TV. “You? Do you have some girl to hang out with today?”

 “I will if you go out with me.”

 Whoa, he's not kidding. “What?”

 “Let me take you out.”

 “Billy...”

 “C'mon,” He takes your hand, and you look at him again. “Give me a chance. One date, that's all I'm asking. And if you hate it, or feel uncomfortable with the whole age thing-” He rolls his eyes. “-you just have to tell me and I won't bother you anymore.” He sounds so serious... As if he's pleading. Can a guy like Billy even do that?

 Your brain wants to say no right away. But your heart... “Alright.” You whisper, looking at your joined hands. “Tonight then. One date.” Standing up, you look down at him. “But I want a real date. Not whatever you do with the girls.”

 “Trust me, princess.” He gets up as well, standing tall before you. “I'll make it work.”

•••

 “You're going to do what?” Liam asks, coming back from the kitchen.

 As if he didn't hear the whole conversation. Rolling your eyes, you take the soda can from his hand, cracking it open. “I'm going on a date with Billy.”

 “A real date?”

 “A real date.” You repeat, taking a sip.

 “You know I'll stand by you no matter what, but you gotta be careful. You've never been through heartbreak and trust me, it's not nice.” Tanya warns you, putting her can on the coffee table. Liam, from the armchair, nods. You knew them only for a couple of years, but the connection was immediate. And the three of you have shared everything. So they both know you very well, and you always pay attention to their advice.

 “I've been through that before.”

 “Yeah, but you had crushes. And I don't think this one is just a crush.”

 “Tanya is right,” Liam adds. “The age gap, as minimum as it is, is a big deal to you. And if you managed to see past that... This is definitely more than just a crush.”

 Looking down at your hands, you sigh. It's not that you don't want to tell them, you just... You don't want to create false hopes. Or make it more real than it already is. “I like Billy, I... I like being around him. It feels good.”

 “It feels good being around the two of you.” Liam gestures at you and Tanya. “Because she's my girlfriend and you're my best friend. So just enjoying being around someone doesn't necessarily mean it'll take a romantic turn.”

 Yeah... you're aware of that. “We, Mmm... We slept together last night.”

 Tanya's eyes go wide, and Liam gives her a look. “What!!?”

 Wait. Wrong choice of words. “Whoa, that's not what I mean. Billy climbed through my window after a fight and... He was quite upset so I invited him to stay and that was it.”

 “That was it?” Liam asks.

 “And how did that feel?” Tanya asks, ignoring Liam's question.

 Blushing, you run a hand through your hair. “Just... Look, I know this is complicated. Billy has a bad reputation, and I'm... I'm five years older, but it's just a date. He asked for a chance and I wanted to give it to him. After last night, I just... If it doesn't work it's over anyway.”

 “You're good at judging character so I believe you'll be fine. But be careful.”

 “And have fun,” Liam says, winking at you.

 Rolling your eyes, you blush. “I will.”

 “Okay, what you gonna wear?” Liam asks in a sarcastic tone, in his best performance of Tanya's voice, making you both laugh.

 You're still on the fence about this, but you'd be lying if you said you're not excited. But it would be wise not to have your hopes so high because this date could be the end. And maybe it would be for the best.

•••

@aunicornmademedoit @alexa4040 @goth-cowgirl-03 @nyctophilic0vitnir @minispice-1

#billy hargrove imagine #imagine billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction

[amostexcellentblog]

The Hangman's Guide to Winning Over Your Disapproving Admiral-In-Law

Step 3: Never, Ever, Let Him See You Cry

(Part 1 and Part 2)

Maverick: ...and the doctor says it's a miracle he survived at all. Jesus, it should've been me. The Darkstar was my project, I was the test pilot for all the earlier models, but I wanted him there with me, and I wanted to show that I trusted him.

Iceman: He chose this life, he knew the risks. We have to accept that Mav... But damnit it's easier said than done.

Hangman: *Shouts getting louder as he approaches* Rooster! ROOSTER! *Stops in the doorway, out of breath, still in a flight suit* Oh, Bradley... *Walks to his bedside* What.. Is he... Will he be okay?

Maverick: It's hard to say. The doctors say they've done all they can do, at this point it's largely psychological. If the spirit is willing he'll wake up within the next few days and he'll survive, get better and live out his life. But if he doesn't wake up then his body will start to shut down and eventually... They say the odds are 50/50, but I don't know.

Iceman: The thing is, even if he wakes up the doctors are sure he'll never walk again. Everything he's ever wanted, gone just like that, his career as a pilot, the navy, his engagement. How could he possibly want to wake up to all that?

Hangman: Engagement? What, you think he won't want me anymore just because he can't walk? Well tough luck Bradshaw because I ain't goin' nowhere! You tried to get out of this before during the uranium mission and I put a stop to it then too. You're never getting rid of me Bradshaw! Even if I have to steal your wheelchair and tie you to the bed! *Wipes the first tears from his eyes*

Hangman: Speaking of beds, remember we were looking at houses and I wanted that 5th floor walkup because you could see the ocean, but you wanted that 1-story bungalow because it had a yard? Well I guess you went and made that decision for me, you sneaky son of a bitch! But if you wake up, I'll forgive you. I'll even build you a ramp to the front door, and a deck out back so you can sit and enjoy that backyard you wanted so much. Course, I'll have to learn about carpentry and power tools first, but how hard can it be?

Hangman: Hmm... What else can I bribe you with? Ooh, if you wake up we'll have a fun new role playing opportunity. We can pretend we're in Coming Home and you'll be Jon Voight and I'll be Jane Fonda. Unless you wanted to try it the other way, but I don't know how well that will work... *Choked sob*

Hangman: I'm runnin' out of things to say here, Bradley. I guess the real reason you need to wake up is that I love you. I love those hick shirts you wear and the way you always have them buttoned wrong. Look like a giraffe, and I love you. I love how you can only play three songs on the piano, one of which is chopsticks, but whenever you see one you swagger over to it like you're Mozart, and I love the way you blush right up over your ears. I love you because you don't know how to kiss, always shoving your tongue down my throat like you have to map every inch of it because this might be your last chance. You jerk!

Hangman: I love you. Please wake up. I love the life we've had together, but I'm a selfish prick who wants more. Please wake up. I'll love the future life we'll make together and I promise I'll do everything I can to make you love it too... Please wake up Bradley... Please... I love you... Plea... *Breaks down in tears*

Iceman: Jake, my bubbe, when she was married back in Poland she wore a lace veil she'd commissioned from the finest lacemaker in Paris. When the war came and they had to sell everything they had to raise the funds to get out of the country, it was the only thing she kept from her old life. When her son got married, she gave it to my mother to wear as a welcome-to-the-family present. For our wedding, Maverick wore it wrapped around his arm. When you and Bradley get married, I'd like you to wear it.

Hangman:

Hangman: Thank you sir, I'd be honored.

#icemav #hangster #jake seresin #tom iceman kazansky #bradley bradshaw #pete maverick mitchell #top gun maverick #Just to clarify Bradley does wake up #Was gonna have him do it at the end but it was getting pretty melodramatic as it was #Jake's “I love you” speech was inspired by Ball of Fire #this whole set up seems familiar but I can't remember if I borrowed it from something else #oh well

[smolkiwi98]

Can't Explain

masterlist

WARNING!! Mentions of epilepsy, angst, crying, being alone, some fluff, not proofread, I think that's it.

I would like to add that I myself have epilepsy. Every now and then I'll have some depressive episodes where my thoughts take over and I let the weight of the epilepsy take over. Anyone else out there that feels the same, please know that you are not alone...even it feels like it <3

_________________________________________

'Here we go again'  You thought to yourself. You could feel your emotions starting to take over, the feeling of a breakdown starting to rise and there is no stopping this one. You were standing in your kitchen when this feeling started to occur, it was nothing new…it happens randomly. You peeked into the living room and saw that Steve was distracted by the T.V. which meant it would be easy for you to sneak away. Of course Steve knew about your condition. He had to know, especially if you two were going to date and eventually move in together. 

This condition you have is epilepsy. Diagnosed in second grade and was put on medication. When you were younger you didn't fully understand it, but you did know you were different and something was wrong. Seizures occurred in class, which meant so many people would witness it, and not to mention sometimes wetting your pants during one. The older you got the more you learned about it and understood it. The medicine you were on would have side effects, Seizures seemed a little more scary…especially since you go Seizure free and then boom! It happens out of nowhere. You didn't want to tell Steve, but you knew you had to and it would be better and safer for you.

With a shaky breath you tried to calm yourself enough to excuse yourself not wanting Steve to witness your little break down, "Hey, uh…I gotta go to the bathroom real quick. My stomach is getting all crampy." You said walking through the living room to go upstairs "Do you need anything?" Steve asked, looking at you worried. You responded with a shake of your head and headed up the stairs. Once the door was closed that's when everything hit you. 

Walking to the end of your bed and sitting on the floor the tears started to fall. Your body began to shiver as you cried 'I'm a burden…' your thoughts stated 'I'll never be okay…" you squeezed your eyes shut and covered your mouth not wanting Steve to hear you 'Steve will leave.'  That one thought got you and made a new wave of tears fall 'I can't explain this feeling to anyone. No one would fully understand this feeling.'  You repeated those sentences to yourself. No one would understand this feeling. The feeling of being alone. Yes, you have friends…but no matter what you felt alone. 

Curling into yourself you laid down on the floor, hugging your legs to your chest. Not caring if anyone heard you, you just let it all out. It felt like your sobs were echoing loudly through the room. Not long after finally breaking and letting it out you heard frantic knocks on the door "Baby? Baby, are you okay?" Steve was speaking quickly, he was beyond worried at this point. You didn't say anything, you just shook your head even though you knew Steve couldn't see it. Without another word Steve was opening the door and rushing to your side "Hey…" he said softly. He didn't want to move you, so he just pushed your hair away from your face. Your eyes were still squeezed shut, cheeks red from the sweating, "Baby loom at me. Please." He needed to see your eyes. If you got too worked up it was possible to go into a seizure, but somehow Steve was able to tell if you were gone. If you were going to have one. 

You slowly opened your eyes and looked up at him "Hey, Pretty." He whispered while placing a hand on your cheek. He was looking at you with concentration, studying your face. Once he knew you were okay he slowly sat you up and pulled you into his chest hugging you tightly. The comfort made you start crying a little harder. The feeling of someone being there for you was great, but it didn't help the thoughts, "What's wrong?" He asked softly. Your sniffles were loud as you tried to take deep breaths "I-I'm a bu-burdan." You whimpered, Steve furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at you "What? Y/N, you're not a burden." He said reassuringly "What makes you think you are?" He asks. You pulled away from his chest and looked up at his face, and seeing yours broke his heart. Steve stroked your cheek silently encouraging you to talk. 

After talking to Steve and telling him that you go through this, you could tell something in him changed. You wiped your face "I…I can't explain it. I can't explain it to where you'd understand." You mumbled. Steve nibbled on his lip, he knew you were right but he wasn't going to let that stop him, "When you start to feel this way, please tell me." He said "I need to know you're going to be okay. It's fine to break down every once in awhile and I know the side effects of your meds will cause some of these emotions." Him saying that shocked you a little. Now you were the one furrowing their eyebrows "You know the side effect" you asked. Steve chuckled softly and nodded "Yeah! I wanted to know exactly what they did and I wanted to know the side effects…so I can try to help you as best as I can." He confessed while placing his forehead on yours "No matter what, I'm going to love you and take care of you. It's okay that you can't explain. Just feel it, get it out, and I'll always be by your side." He whispered before placing a small kiss to your nose. 

That little break down and talking made you feel somewhat better. You still felt a little numb from the thoughts, but Steve was right there with you. He knew you weren't fully over your emotions in this situation, but he was willing to do anything he could to help. 

All you knew in this moment was…as the end of the day you had someone to be there to pick you up. You couldn't explain everything for him to understand, but knowing someone was there for you, knowing someone was aware of these feelings…brought a little bit of comfort. 

#steve harrington #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagine #comfort steve harrington #steve harrington smut #imagine #oneshot #fanfic #steve x reader #epileptic reader #angst #fluff

[kazhan-draws]

Hello, can I ask for 6 and 39 for either Bobadin or Mungrove for the otp relationship game?

Hiiiiii 😁👀🥰Thanks for the ask, I'm going to do both, because I obviously can't miss the opportunity to talk about Mungrove and Bobadin.

I'll go with Mungrove first and put the Bobadins in another post 😋

the questions if anyone wants to ask me more about ST ships

6. When did they realize they loved each other?  

Eddie realized he was in love with Billy after making him laugh with a stupid joke. It’s a mix of Eddie loving entertaining and getting the exact reaction he wanted out of Billy, knowing he can make Billy look and sound like that when few people can, how beautiful he thinks Billy is when he’s genuinely smiling and laughing, and how he kinda wants to do this forever. 

Billy realized he was in love with Eddie while Eddie was in the middle of ranting about something nerdy, getting all fired up and gesticulating dramatically about something Billy doesn’t give a shit about, but he’s still listening carefully because he loves watching Eddie move around, listening to him run his mouth non-stop, how passionate he gets about the things he loves, and those are all things that tend to annoy the shit out of Billy with anyone else, so maybe the explanation is simply that he’s in love with the guy.

More under the cut because I have Can't Shut Up About Those Two disease.

I like to think that Eddie’s the first one who realized he was in love with Billy, whether they’re together or not at the time, so he’s a few steps ahead when it comes to accepting it and working up the courage to say it. 

I also feel like he just Knows Billy loves him back, at some point. Obviously Billy doesn’t say anything, but it’s in the way he touches and looks at Eddie, it’s the small things he does for him, it’s the fact that Billy wouldn’t do a lot of things including allowing himself to be in a relationship with a man if he wasn’t head over heels for Eddie. 

I don’t think there’s a “oh” moment for Eddie where he realizes Billy loves him, it’s gradual, a steady thing he knows deep inside. 

As for when Billy realizes Eddie is in love with him… Well, Eddie has the tendency to say out loud whatever goes through his head when he’s getting a bit emotional or a lot into something, so. I think he’s very likely to just drop the L word out of nowhere. Like maybe they’re just chilling in Eddie’s bedroom and the light coming through the window hits Billy’s face just right and he’s all frowny and bitching about something but Eddie isn’t listening because he’s busy staring at the freckles on Billy’s face so he just. Says it.

Basically…

Billy: I need to take a loud shit, put some music on Eddie: I’m like, so in love with you

Or something like that. So that’s when Billy *truly* realizes his idiot boyfriend loves him too, because he had a feeling, you know, Eddie kinda shows him every day, but hearing it is what truly cements it, even if Eddie really has the worst timing—then again, a very ill-timed love confession is just so Eddie, Billy can’t really be too mad about it. 

39. What other couple would your otp get along with the best?

If we’re going with canon couples… I think Max and Lucas, eventually, but that’s only because there are no other canon couples they’d have any reason to spend time with, much less get along with. 

Like, I’m sorry, but I don’t see Eddie or Billy ever getting along with Nancy, so that’s a no for Nancy/Jonathan. I don’t think Eddie is a big fan of Mike, and Billy would definitely have a soft spot for El, but “she needs to dump the Wheeler Rat”. Eddie definitely adores Dustin, but Billy can only stand very, very small doses before he wants to strangle the kid, and with Suzie in Utah… anyway they definitely wouldn’t get along with her either.

It’s not like we have other canon couples close to their age, because Robin and whatshername—Vickie aren’t really a thing yet (and also 🙄) and even if they were, I just don’t see it.

So, yeah, Max and Lucas, it’s just in the sake of maintaining peace at first, but I’d like to think it could become a lot more genuine through the years.

Now fanon couple, there’s only one I see them really getting along with and that’s Jonathan and Argyle. Argyle is chill and funny, he’s a calming presence for Billy, he’s just effortlessly kind and accepting and very good at defusing a situation, so it’s basically impossible to get mad at the guy, even when Billy is in A Mood. It’s kind of dangerous to leave Argyle and Eddie alone though, because they always seem to have the best (worst) ideas together. 

It’s also very dangerous to let Eddie and Jonathan talk music, because they will argue constantly. Jonathan is a pretty chill dude until you start shit with the people he loves or put him in the same room with Eddie Munson. It’s friendly and teasing at first, and then there’s yelling and it’s time for Billy and Argyle to intervene before it gets ugly.

Billy likes Jonathan, because the guy doesn’t look like much, but there is a fire inside him. It’s hard to get him angry but he can be a total bitch and it amuses Billy a lot. Also they don’t talk about it, but hey, team shitty dads! 

Anyway, yeah, I think the four of them would be very fun to put in a room together and study. 

#otp ask meme #mungrove #billy hargrove #eddie munson #billy hargrove/eddie munson #stranger things #answered asks #this got away from me again lmao sorry

[ultimate-distaster-material]

-Saiou Oneshot- Despair Disease

!TW! Mentions Death Lots of Swearing Mentions Some Not Kid Friendly Stuffs

KOKICHI POV

"Ding dong bing bong whatever HURRY UP AND GET TO THE GYM OR ELSE I HAVE A NEW MOTIVE!"

I sighed and lifted the covers off myself, reluctantly changing out of my sleepwear and putting on my tight, uncomfortable uniform and adjusting my iconic scarf. As I exited my dorm, I watched Chabashira and Yumeno walking down the hall, hands tied together, and fingers tangled in each other's. As quiet as a mouse, I creeped behind the couple, eventually getting bored of hearing Chabashira fangirl over the mage, taking a huge leap. I landed on Yumeno and we both fell onto the floor. I didn't mean to knock her over, oopsie daisies! ~

"Stupid degenerate! Are you okay my beautiful Himiko? Do you need me to give you some water?"

The magician just lazily stood back up and turned to me, ignoring Tenko. I knew for sure I was going to experience some of Chabashira's neo aikido...

"Of course, it's you, Ouma! You better stop causing trouble, or I'll haunt you with my magic!"

Letting out a laugh, I leaned in close to the smaller girl's face, watching her blush at how close we were. I placed one of my creepy smiles onto my face, bringing a curious finger to my lips.

"No need to be so rude, Himi-Chan! Isn't haunting what witches do? I can't believe it," My hand raised to my forehead, and I formed a dramatic expression of fake betrayal. "you lied to us! Another ultimate lying about their talent! How could you?!"

Crocodile tears suddenly started flowing, and Chabashira just tightly grabbed the magician's hand.

"Quick Himiko! Ignore that stupid degenerate male, and let's get to the gym before that build-a-bear executes us!"

The pair ran off together, or in more accurate words, Tenko dragged a sluggish Himiko with her, swinging the gym doors open as I followed behind, so bored that I might go insane.

"Everyone's here, right? So, we can get on with it! I can't wait to see this exciting new motive! ~"

"Shut it, pissbaby! Did you even notice that your 'boyfriend' is fucking missing?! Stupid lying abortion!"

I rolled my eyes, picking at my nails and showing no interest.

"Shut it, nasty pig! You should be bowing in front of me right now, begging for forgiveness from your supreme leader! Too bad you're such a whore... You wouldn't be allowed within 900 steps of the supreme leader's lair!"

"Oh shut your fucking mouth, you're such a lying little shit! Go fucking play with yourself!"

Ignoring her, I searched around the room for my beloved. He was... Nowhere. I didn't see any emo with black clothes and a stupid black cap, with those beautiful olive eyes and attractive long eyelashes. His perfect smile and those freckles you could see if you looked hard enough...

"Hey, Ouma! What's with the blush? You thinking about sucking some dick when we go back, aren't ya?! You're so fucking gay!"

"I'm actually bisexual, but I guess a dirty bitchlet like you wouldn't know that. Also, you can't shame me for being gay when you're literally a hardcore lesbian for Akamatsu-Chan!"

The pair of girls blushed, Kaede deciding to defend her crush.

"Ouma-Kun, how about we calm down! It doesn't matter about how lesbian is, or how gay you are! We should be worried, Saihara-Kun is- "

Kaede's speech was rudely cut off by a certain detective stumbling through the door, his face pale and he was sweating a lot. A lot of whispers, including mine were heard around the room, discussing how ill the detective looked.

"Haha, look at this guy! He was probably jerking it in the bathrooms thinking about this gorgeous girl genius and her golden brain, weren't you Pooichi!"

"Can't you just shut your slutty mouth for one fucking second? I'll never think dirty things about someone as pathetic as you, bitch."

Everyone stared in shocked silence. Since when was Saihara-Chan such a badass?! If I knew this, I would've fucked him way sooner...

"Sidekick? Are you alright? That fucking liar didn't brainwash you or something, did he? I'll beat some sense into him if he did!"

"Oh, shut up Momota. You're so loud! I didn't do shit!"

"He's right, stop accusing my beloved Koki of such ridiculous things! And honestly, how can you even call me your sidekick? I solve all these murders and carry you all, and you just sit there counting fucking stars while me and Kimchi do all the work! If anything, you should be my sidekick!"

There was silence once again. Nobody knew what to say in this situation, the normally shy detective was going full badass mode and roasting everyone after all! However, all that stuck in my mind were the words 'beloved Koki' and 'Kimchi'. He likes me back after all! I can't believe it!

"Aww, Shumai is soooo cute! Calling me his beloved in front of everyone and giving me such adorable nicknames! It should be a crime to be that cute!"

"That's such a shame... I guess you'll be going to jail then!"

My whole body froze. Was Shumai flirting with me? Best day ever! I was about to fall into a gay panic!

"Can you two virgins shut the fuck up!? I've been sitting here for 10 minutes watching this lovey dovey romance! This isn't a dating show, it's a KILLING GAME!"

"Sorry Monokuma, please proceed with the motive you were going to present."

Kirumi was always so formal when she spoke. I think on the inside she was just done with all our bullshit. Being the ultimate maid must be so boring and hard...

"Yes Monokuma, please explain. Is it to do with my twin acting so odd?"

Tsumugi huh? She never spoke up to Monokuma much. I knew Saihara-Chan was her brother, but not her twin!

"Ok little fuckers, listen up! I'm only going to say this once! Me and my adorable little children decided to reintroduce a fan favourite motive... And applied it to the fan favourite! You're little detective has been infected with..."

Awkward silence washed over the gym, none of us speaking a word and waiting for Monokuma to say something about the motive.

"Dammit children! You were supposed to do a drum roll! You're lucky you guys are so cute, otherwise I would've ripped you all to shreds!"

"SORRY-FATHER. WE-WILL-DO-BETTER-NEXT-TIME."

"Oh shut it Monodam! You're fucking useless! Just do the fucking drum roll already!"

The continuous tapping of metal against the stage filled the room, the drum roll intriguing everyone as Monokuma smirked.

"The reintroduction of the DESPAIR DISEASE MOTIVE!"

My mouth opened, however no sounds escaped. What was I supposed to say..? Looking around, I could see everyone was the same, except for a certain victim.

"Monokuma, you're really interesting and all, but can I go back to bed already? My head hurts like a bitch and I honestly don't give two shits about whatever you're saying."

"Damn, I really should've given you a different disease. That's no way to talk to your precious headmaster."

Shuichi rolled his eyes in annoyance, everyone watching the scene. Nobody had adjusted to the detective's new personality yet, the normally shy boy acting so aggressively. To be honest, nobody even knew how to respond to whatever Shuichi spits out now.

"Do I look like I care? I don't care if I was given some shitty personality heightening disease, just let me go back to bed already!"

"Personality... heightening...? What is that supposed to mean...?"

Everyone was intrigued and listened closely. We had to take care of our beloved Shuichi after all! I unconsciously started tapping my foot against the ground, earning a whisper-yelled 'Stop doing that, it's too loud. God you're so annoying...' from Maki.

"Well, my beloved students with no brains, it means that whatever emotion Shuichi feels at the current moment gets increased. So, if he gets even the tiniest bit sad, he will fall into a depressive state! If he is a little happy, he will get excited to the point of running around in circles for a whole ten minutes!"

Putting a thoughtful finger to my chin, I observed Shuichi's current behaviour, piecing an answer together with Monokuma's rather helpful information. However, a certain tennis pro beat me to it.

"So that means he is angry at the moment? I wonder why that would be..."

I was wondering the same thing. What I didn't notice was that my foot started making those up and down motions again, and Maki slapped me on the back of the head. Angie just walked up behind the 'child caregiver' and muttered something about Atua watching her while she slept. Creepy... I have to live with these people for the rest of my life!

"Maybe it is because he was dragged out of bed? He seemed annoyed with that earlier, so that is probable. Kehehehe... Anger is such a beautiful emotion..."

"Shut it, kinky freak! Stop being weird!"

"Gonta thinks Miu should stop being mean! Miu need to speak less vulgar, too!"

Gonta placed his hand on Miu's shoulder to continue talking to her about how to be a gentleman.

"Guys, one of our classmates is in a dangerous condition! Let's focus on him, okay? So Shuichi, Iruma-San installed a function on me which lets me read people better. According to my calculations, you're fuming with anger and about to lash out at everyone, do you need my assistance to calm down...?"

Shuichi didn't respond, his only response being a huff and folding his arms over each other in annoyance. The sick teen just desired to go back to the comfort of his bed...

"Oh and once more thing you little shits! It's contagious, so good luck taking care of him! Everyone get's a different disease!"

With that, the build-a-bear looking psychopath left the stage, his 'children' following him close like a little of lost and clingy puppies.

"Nishishi! Silly Kiibo, of course you wouldn't of known diseases were contagious! I'm surprised a lawn mower even knew what a disease was!"

"Ouma-Kun, that is robophobic! I promise you, I know an amazing amount about human's and their behaviours! I will see you in court!"

"Can you fucking cut it out already! My head is hurting so bad, you need to stop yelling or I'll fucking kill all of you on the spot!"

Saihara suddenly pulled out one of the kitchen knives, glaring at all of us. I could tell even Miss Murder Girl was even a bit intimidated. Amami, somehow calm in this situation, slowly approached Saihara and gently grabbed his wrist, and carefully pulled the knife from its position between the detective's fingers. Everyone cautiously approached the detective before flooding him in a wave of questions, getting up in his face and confronting him about the illness. The only ones choosing to stay out of the way were Tenko, Ryoma, Amami, Maki and Kiibo. Me too of course!

"Everyone, must you crowd him? He has mentioned that all the talking hurts his head, and must you forget that this illness is contagious?"

Hearing Kirumi's words, everyone took a good 20 steps back, already panicking about catching the disease. Idiots. However, one arrogant astronaut stayed.

"Hey degenerate, get away from the walking sickness! I don't care about your health since you're a male, but if you infect any of the girls there will be a class trial! Come on Himiko, let's go!"

And just like that, the two lesbians hurried off through the door, Tenko ranted random nonsense about males to the mage who just nodded in response, not even listening, and almost falling asleep as she sprinted to keep up with the other strong woman.

"I'm not leaving," Kaito's voice boomed proudly. "I'm staying by my sidekick's side every step off the way! We'll fight this off together, right sidekick?"

"Once again, I'm not your sidekick, just let me go to the dorms already..."

"I'll take you there sideki- I mean Shuichi!"

Kirumi cleared her throat, addressing the problem. Half of the other ultimate students had left out of boredom, and the gym was rather empty now.

"Momota-San, I do understand your passion to take care of others, however, I am concerned. Saihara-San could easily infect you. Not to force anyone or point fingers, but I think Kiibo should do it. I do not mean to be robophobic to you Kiibo-San, but am I correct to assume that since you're a robot you cannot get infected with sicknesses?"

Kiibo nodded formally, understanding what she was going to say next and giving her a thumbs up.

"Do not worry Tojo-San, I will work as hard as I can to restore Shuichi back to full health and make sure everyone remains safe!"

With that said, everyone dispersed, going separate ways to do whatever they planned to do. Kiibo took my beloved back to the dorm, and I never heard from anyone again after that.

-POV CHANGE -> SHUICHI POV-

"Kiibo, can you carry me any faster?! I'm sweating my ass off and my whole body is aching!"

The robot's steps faltered as he struggled to carry my body, which was surprisingly heavy. Carrying a heavy, sick teen who keeps squirming in your grip up a flight of stairs was an insanely hard task. Part of me sensed guilt for making Kiibo go through all this struggling, however the main part of my brain didn't care. I just continued spitting out annoyed complaints about Kiibo's strength and how slow he was.

"Hey, useless vacuum, are we there yet?! I'm sleepy..."

I could hear Kiibo's artificial breath of relief as we came to an abrupt halt. What was happening...? My mind eventually fogged with too much weariness, and it became impossible to make out anything in this mindset. So, my brain decided to spare Kiibo a lot of trouble and shut down. And with that, I was washed into a deep sleep, no sickness here to bother me. Just, peace, calmness, and silence.

I spotted a purple haired boy in the middle of a flower field. His hair flowed with the wind and his eyes glistened in the sunlight. Taking a seat next to the petite male, his hand caressed mine. We talked about whatever came to mind, eventually getting closer and closer until we were only an inch apart.

"I've always wanted to feel those lips, Saihara-Chan..."

I blushed as I sensed his soft, smooth pink lips connect with mine. My senses were filled with the complicated emotion of love, feeling the smaller boy climb into my lap too deepen the kissing sensation. I wanted more. I wanted him. No, I needed him. My fingers shakily reached towards an orange button on his shirt, caressing the button before beginning to undo it. That's when I heard it. A noise that resembled the sound of bones crushing and blood spewing everywhere. I pulled away in shock, my eyes widening when I was met with the horrifying sight before me. The little leader had neon liquid trickling down his face from his forehead, and he was crying.

"Saihara-Chan, I don't want to leave!"

I opened my mouth, but nothing except a choked noise came out. He was gripping on my sleeves for dear life when I spotted his body slowly becoming transparent. I loved him. Why was this happening...? All I could do was sit there, drowning in a hole of despair as I painfully watched my crush wilting away like a decomposing flower, my eyes glued to the disturbing scene until there was nothing left to see. Wiping an ocean of tears away from my eyes, I observed my surroundings. I was seated in a field of flowers, like I was before. However, the flowers were all hunched over, devoid of any colour and awaiting their death.

Sweat stained my forehead as I sat helplessly in bed, gasping for air. My lungs felt as if they were closing in on themselves, and my head was spinning with the scenes of Kokichi begging for my help as he gradually faded. I hopped out of bed, gritting my teeth at the pain in my legs and the feeling of my knees collapsing as I collided with the floor, a loud bang erupting and echoing through my dorm room. I glanced at the robot, who was in sleep mode. Creeping towards him on my stomach, I snatched the dorm keys from him and resumed crawling to the door, eventually slotting the key through the hole and the door opening. I crawled outside, down the stairs, and all the way to Oma's dorm. I knew what I had to do.

I pound at his door, gathering strength to finally stand as I attempt to punch the door down, blood staining my knuckles as I tried persistently. I need to see him. My assault to the door cut off when it opened.

"Who the fuck is distu- SHUMAI??? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DOOR? IS YOUR HAND ALRIGHT?"

I knocked the breath out of him when I tumbled into his small frame, pinning him down onto the cold floor and delivering harsh kisses to his lips.

"Woah, woah! Shumai! Calm down, are you feeling horny or something? Sorry but it's 2am and I'm too tired to fuck!"

"Kimchi I-"

Cut off by my body going back to kissing the little liar, he tried to push me off, and my lips eventually left his as I struggled to breathe.

"Shumai, you have a fever! Go back to bed with the refrigerator!"

"K-K-Kokichi- I can't! I have to stay with you! The only way to make you stay by my side is to spread the disease to you! That way you will never leave! Please, please! I want you to do it with me!"

His expression got fearful, before he let out a sigh and grabbed my hands.

"Let's go back to the keyboard in your dorm, okay? He can take care of you."

"Kokichi no! Please! I need you! I can't live without you, please I-"

"Shuichi fucking Saihara, look at me. You are sick with a dangerous fever. I don't want to increase my chances of getting sick too, and it's fucking 2am. Not to mention, you aren't in your right mind to consent. My poor Shumai probably felt the tiniest bit sexual and couldn't control it, hm? Now come on, let me guide you to Kiiboy."

I gave up on trying to fight just letting Kokichi direct me back to Kiibo before he powered on the robot. I could see his eyes blink before exiting sleep mode, confused at the situation.

"Sorry not sorry, but I am here to interrupt your beauty sleep Toaster. Shumai here came to me begging for sexual gratification. I'm going to quarantine back in my dorm in case I have the disease, just tie him up or something, since he'll probably come crawling back to me again."

"Oh, I am sorry Kokichi. It probably wasn't wise to sleep with an out of control, sick person in the dorm."

Kokichi muttered a small, rather rare, reassurance to the robot before stepping away to return back to his dorm.

"Kokichi please wait! You have to stay! Please! I don't want you to leave again! Why don't you want to stay here with me! Is it because I didn't save you? I'm sorry!"

The two looked at me like I was mental. I probably was.

"Whatcha mean by that? Didn't save me? Leave again? Did you have a bad dream Shumai?"

I nodded when Kiibo thought of an idea. I didn't want Kokichi to leave, and Kokichi didn't want to stay in case he wasn't *actually* sick yet. If he stayed, he would've definitely caught the disease.

"What if I ask Monokuma for a spare bed and split the room with a small glass divider? That way Oma can stay in case he did catch the illness, and Saihara can stay near Oma. Would that work?"

I nodded furiously. I didn't want to let Oma go. I was definitely feeling very desperate and over-protective, more than I would usually feel, but I guess it's the disease's fault, not mine. Kimchi eventually nodded in agreement, and with that sorted, we got the help of Monokuma to help us set up the room we wished to have.

"Shumai, no offense, but you're a real pain in the ass sometimes!"

I sensed a tiny bit of sadness, thinking nothing of it until...

"I'm sorry Oma-Kun! It won't happen again!"

I began uncontrollably crying a never-ending river of tears, wiping the snot that was pooling above my lips with the collar of my shirt.

"Saihara! Don't dirty your shirt, here! This is going to be a lot to take care of..."

I wiped my nose with the tissue Kiibo offered me, and the three of us settled for bed, the robot actually keeping watch over us this time.

This took 2 hours of my day to write! Long one for yall as an apology for being dead <3 Word Count: 3410 Stay safe out there everyone! I personally enjoy being sick, but if any of you reading this aren't feeling your best, then I hope you have a speedy recovery! <3333

#oumasai #saiouma #danganronpa #gay #shuichi x kokichi #despair disease #oneshot #angst #part 1 #sick characters

[hehehoohoohole]

Today was a Bregless day, and while that was usually a good day for his obsession, it left Liva bored and cranky. She understood he was a grown man and of course his mate needed so much of his attention but he didn't need to spend all his time following them around, she'd given them a nice quality taser (through Breg) so that they'd be safe! To combat this sort of empty nester feeling she decided to go shopping, heading by the baby section first to see if there was anything cute for her future grandchildren to wear, nothing that suited her taste... Damn.

But! She could look at toys, it would be good to be up on kids trends for when she had her first daughter, though men hadn't really been coaxed into sitting on the bench near her pond yet. As she walked toward the toy isle her tail flicked idly behind her, maybe a big tree with a swing? A single dad would be even mo- she stopped, why were so many toys poop related? This was the sort of thing you had to teach kids not to play with.

Many, MANY toys were toilet themed with slime added to them, frowning to herself, she made a face and went to clearance, seeing yet more poop themed slime "Unicorn poop" no it certifiably was NOT. Still, something came to mind and a smirk slowly split her face.

She had a VERY good idea of what to do today.

The Clergy, disgusting place truely, and not just because of the... Whatever spell the owner has cast on it. The monsters here were the sort that would try to eat or lure away husb.. humans, all humans, not just husbands, and she hated it, but knew better than to try and stand up to whatever owned this place. The witch had her own power but she was nowhere near a god. Heading in,she paused at the door and, since this was a monsters only establishment, freed herself from her bra and shirt, letting her breasts hang free while shoving her clothes into her shopping bag. Much better! Then she began her search ignoring everyone until she found him.

A grin spread on her face and rushing over to him, she was happy to see he was already in a fishbowl...why? Who cares! The not yet puddle of demon eyeing her warily "I don't like the way you're looking at me toots.." The troll sat down, pulled his bowl first and completely ignored the bar tender who was loading up a tray anyway. Setting her bag on the counter her tail thrashed excitedly and she licked her lips. "Just hold still, and I'll buy you a nice big drink after." This clearly did not assage his fears but free booze make him shut up.

At least until she finished opening everything in her canvas bag, and began force feeding him different discount slimes, he had to open his mouth to protest and that simply gave her more room to play her sadistic little game more. Glitter slime, iridescent, glow in the dark, scented, all of the clearance packets had been bought and if he closed his mouth she simply smashed them into his sides to force him full of more.

Eventually the bar tender looked over at them with his one glowing eye, and decided this was not his problem, getting a rag to wipe down the counter and watch from the corner of his eye. Was this one of Fasmas ex wives? She was assaulting him like she was, he did have the "Divorced three times" air about him. If that was the case it was DEFINITELY not Gallons job to deal with.. that.

The little ghost man triggered agression in the troll, and she wasn't exactly sure why that was, but with her sulking today and the idea now happening she was much happier, her tail a blur of motion behind her. At least until someone drew her attention by trying to grab one of her breasts, the little bat creature got a hard kick to the chest for that but little else, no one here was starving, or if they were they deserved it.

That put a thought in her head though, and once she was out of slimes to shove into the now rainbow and very fruity smelling ball of plasma, she looked to the slime behind the bar. "Hello! Who do I speak with about becoming a supplier for this hell hole?"

@eldritch-spouse

[savingthrcw]

Kate Austen

Page under construction

Some important canon divergences:

-This is the most important thing, key to Kate regardless of me eventually writing other ships because it explains a lot about her (I'm talking about her relationship with her father as you'll see): I will be writing Kate as having feelings for Sawyer by default even if you write he doesn't feel the same way (she'll get over it, I don't want to forceship!), and trying to push them away because, like she said "every time I look at Sawyer, every time I feel something for him, I see you, Wayne. It makes me sick", and I interpret that as not only her thinking of Sawyer as potentially unreliable in romantic settings even if not abusive like Wayne was (she pictures the two of them as a very toxic couple, especially knowing herself and how she'd keep pushing him away, so she doesn't really him a chance to prove her wrong) BUT, more importantly, it means to me that she's scared he'll bring out of her everything she has inherited from Wayne, because she's more herself around Sawyer than around others and she keeps pulling closer and pushing away; she sees Wayne because she fears she's like him in many ways.

Wayne always pushed her darker side out until she killed him, and she's scared she'll find out she's too much like him so she runs first (same fear she had about having children, and Aaron proved her wrong, turns out she could be able to give healthy love if she gave herself the chance). This fear exists regardless of Sawyer, and will follow her in romantic & familial & strong platonic relationships in this order.

I want to point out that this doesn't need to come up in our threads because very dark (depends on your triggers and her relationship with your muse), but it was very clear that Wayne, while believing Kate to be "only his wife's daughter" (but still, you know, a young woman under his roof that he watched grow up), was making passes at her, at least in the form of sexual comments while drunk and grabbing her. I write Kate as sure this was going to go somewhere beyond words and the last push that made her kill him, besides having just found out he was her biological father. She hates him and everything else I said, and even more so for hurting her mother, but she was also terrified.

-her feelings for Sawyer will dissipate if we are writing another ship or if we write that from the beginning they never interacted as much, but if they were there she'll always care for him.

-I write her as caring very much for Jack but not being in love with him. I will write her as distraught after seeing him with Juliet and still sleeping with Sawyer that night, but it will be because she knows she hurt him very badly, begging for his help to save Sawyer and 'making him' perform surgery on Ben. It's guilt. It's also feeling she can't be the person he deserves. She's not going to be with Jack if she goes home. You can have your Jack feel for her whatever you want.

-Kate's afraid she'll also 'pass on' the evil onto a biological child somehow. If she's raising Aaron in one of our verses that fear has taken a dive and is almost gone, because she can never imagine hurting him and she's beginning to see that a biological child would be equally innocent and not draw anything evil out of her.

-Now here's the kicker: I have to write Kate as more open than she is in canon. I think the difference comes from not relying as much on Jack, not letting herself grow as close due to guilt (over manipulating him/using his feelings at the very beginning) and that changes everything. Because if I write her the way she is in canon, threads will lead nowhere because she'll shut down. So I'll put her in situations where she's forced to speak up and make different choices. Not much, because it's still Kate, but enough. You can assume she's running away from openness in between threads, of course, but during threads when doable I will force words out of her, probably by changing some neutral small choices (example: not leaving immediately which results into a conversation not being closed).

Example: if Sawyer tells her she can use him, doesn't have to pretend she wasn't upset about Jack and Juliet when she slept with him, instead of not defending herself because it's true she will later tell him that it wasn't like that because in this blog it's not, and because I'll find an excuse to make her admit it, even if it's just anger.

potential scenarios:

-I'd love to write Kate staying on the island with Aaron due to things going differently, and traveling to the past with the others, or just Kate, no Aaron. Or for Sawyer to go with her, back home with all the difficulties and awkwardness there. Write other things happening, other encounters, wounds, situations, going off-canon, having her and Sawyer actually discuss how she feels about Jack (and maybe she goes stay with Claire again after they fight over the pregnancy scare instead of going back to Jack) (or she COULD be pregnant and terrified), or like I said explore her relationship with Sayid more, since there was something going on there in the first episodes and they kept being close (but could have been closer). With Juliets and Jacks, if they are okay with the changes, there could be more focus on the '3 years later', keeping in mind that Kate stayed single. Same for potential Claires who may return to Aaron and be helped by her. Or even better, all these characters survive and go home and threads can be set there too! Let's save whoever we want and write nicer things too, besides causing them new pains!

#about Kate

[hadtochangeuserbecauseimparanoid]

One thing that has been a big theme and roadblock in my healing process lately is how much I hate how much I talk. Like, I probably hate myself for it more than anyone else does, and I've said stupid shit so you can only imagine. I've noticed how bad I am at interrupting when I get excited or think someone is misunderstanding and I legitimately still can't catch myself every time, part of it is it sadly triggers babe so he doesn't respond in a way that I respond internally well to. I end up beating myself up for it and just trying to instill in my mind to stop talking at all so I can't ever again. And of course I have adhd so it will never stick, plus I know its not healthy to 100% shut up forever so I break it eventually. I honestly just have so much trauma around being autistic and missing social queues, not seeing perspectives fully in the moment because I get defensive, not being shown healthy examples of stuff growing up ect, so I ruined relationships and friendships, and I've gotten so much better but I still interrupt and I still ramble where even I notice and hate how much I repeat myself and I don't know how to notice and stop. My brain has always output like a fucking jambalaya of words that would make much more sense in a different order, I don't know why, I have psychosis symptoms bc of bpd so maybe it's that dysreguleting my speech. And I hate when I interrupt each time I want to kill myself because it's always bc I misunderstood and then babe forgets what he was saying and it's always met with an awkward silence. Like I just want to rip my vocal cords out sometimes so I literally can't ever do that again I never mean to do it but I don't know why until after it's pointed out. And it feels so stupid this has been an addressed issue for almost two years like. I'm lucky we are extremely communicative and healthy because I really need this place to vent this without him seeing it dude, I don't want him to feel bad ever for any of it, his dad always fucking interrupted him I've seen it, usually bc he gets defensive or "knows more" and I do it there too (not bad but like, if he is critiquing a song and I happen to like q thing I'll interrupt and he'll forget the point yk). He should never feel bad for letting me know he wants me to work on being mindful of it, it's just so hard woth stuff like that and catch myself ig. I don't see how I didn't even care enough to interrupt until after and I hope trying to note it here can help me notice before more. I have already quite a few times I've just been slipping lately balancing that with other things I'm working on ect.

I just do hate how much it makes me want to fucking kill myself though, I have compounded so much of my trauma around that one personality trait of mine. I'm extremely talkative, I always have been, no one liked me because of it, I would sing out loud in class to myself until 5th grade, then I stopped talking because I realized why I was bullied, go figure. Then I started dating and that was just a flurry of examples as to why I should just shut up and maybe kill myself because I can't seem to figure out how to talk without annoying someone or making someone feel bad without meaning to. or when I was younger just straight up not having manners with friends parents. I just, I'm so tired of being myself dude. I'm tired of genuinely and soley feeling like a burden in other's lives. I can barely take care of myself financially because of my disabilities on top of it all, I'm hoping to get a job that I can do soon but time will tell.

There's just so much constantly on my mind and nowhere to put it, and at the core of it it's not just me hating myself for the mistakes I've made and could continue to, it's also just that I've started to hate my bubblyness, my passion, the level of emotion I feel no matter the emotion, and in the end being alive with the personality and cocktail of disorders I was given. I don't know if when I heal I will even love myself thereafter. I don't know if healed me will still be considered very talkative, I don't want to be annoying or even very talkative, and I have so much to say. I don't think I could ever find people who match this level of energy either I just don't. And I can't bear to keep existing this way with only people around me who would eventually grow tired of my high energy, I don't know if other people I could be friends with exist, I also haven't fully opened the gates to anyone I know rn but beeb and a little to the pl00g bc he's chill and a good friend. But even he mentally goes "okay that's enough slices" when I talk and I know it. Like, idk what to do hahahahaahahah.

Anyways since this is going to my secondary instead, now to make food I don't want and food for babe and then after I'll sit in party silently playing stardew, hearing him have fun talking a storm with his friends. And when we get done with the day, bc we don't have bud to go take smoke breaks, we'll talk again while going to sleep, and I'll inevitably talk enough to either interrupt again, or just talk enough to where he asks me to let him sleep, oooooo or I'll show him something while he's in a safe place in game and he will barely glance then immediately start talking to the boys in party and I'll want to kill myself all over again. And I'm tired of that. Need to find a way to communicate that, tried recently, did not work, he did not understand what level of "things that would make me feel like I'm not being heard or being looked at negatively for anything I did vocally that isn't obviously a thing that needs to be angry towards" or whatever wasn't specific enough. It really isn't, but idk what more to add or change to elaborate better. I also have been asking for quality time but we need money for most anything bc even driving to a place we could have a picnic or forage. I like just talking too but like, what is there to talk about. Snuggling makes him fall asleep. And smoking seshes are typically rushed bc he's in lobby for a game his friends are waiting to start. Where at this point do we get to spend time? Meals? He eats while playing at this point, I try but if lots of people are on he doesn't wanna get off or that might not all be back on for a while. And I get that but it's to a point I've almost given up until money isn't an excuse.

Idk I'm just also a little heartbroken because I don't have any clue how to say any of this. I don't know if anything would even change because like I said, what would we do? I don't want to just play games together I want to be present in reality together more often, but we can't do shit when we're broke.

I don't know why I'm still typing anymore honestly. I need to go make us food I don't even want. Don't have any time to cry in the bathroom either bc I have to face babes mom and dad face on upon exit, and they're probably home by now :)

#our comm is truly great its just tgat i lack order to my words and its such a compinded thing qnd i hateeeeeee it #i will eventually communicate it right too i just dont know how while making sure im not invalidating him or making him feel like he needs #to stop telling me when i interrupt ect

[kuroopaisen]

something that really gets to me in neon genesis evangelion (and tbh anno probably meant it this way) is how,,, shinji is a child, a 14 year old boy, and yet none of the adults in the show seem to think much about putting the weight of saving the world on his shoulders. nobody comforts him, nobody gives him the time or space to comprehend what he’s feeling. and i know that’s because all the adults are deeply fucked up in their own ways, but it just really bothers me? 

shinji is berated for being traumatised, being depressed, being horrified by the things he has to do and the things he’s seen. but instead of reaching out to him with compassion, he’s treated like a burden -- something he fears. that’s why he takes to kaworu so quickly; kaworu offers him the gentle compassion and recognition he deserves. he literally said “this is the first time anyone’s ever said that to me” (depending on which translation you prefer). shinji just wants to be loved, but he’s punished for it. 

yes, to some degree the adults (especially misato) are right about how he can’t keep being passive just because he’s afraid of rejection. but nobody actually acknowledges that fear, nobody explains why he shouldn’t be afraid. they just demand that he get over it, that he gets in the damn robot. nobody stops to think about the effect this has on his wellbeing. 

the adults all decide that his wellbeing is a necessary sacrifice, and do nothing to try to soften the blow. 

it’s similar with asuka, too; when she’s obviously having a breakdown, misato seems irritated. nobody reaches out to her, no authority figure gives her the recognition she so desperately desires. she’s ignored; and in her darkest moments, she’s alone. i deplore the scene of her alone in the eva during end of evangelion because she’s in so much pain, so afraid, but she’s alone -- alone, curled up in the fetal position. and yet, nobody helps her. nobody can. 

in many ways, nge seems to be a show about self-centredness, and i think it’s a fascinating look at how our own pain can blind us to the suffering of others. i’m still fuzzy on what it’s trying to say about that exactly, but the ending of the original series seems to be speaking the importance of realising your own worth yourself, regardless of what others think? which, to me, reads a bit like it’s talking about the value of isolation -- and that’s the difference i suppose with shinji rejecting instrumentality and becoming his own person again. 

being yourself, even if it means being invariably isolated from others and never truly able to transgress the boundary of the self and the other, is better. i don’t necessarily agree, but i do think it’s interesting. 

this is very incoherent and i have a lot of Thoughts on this show, i need to watch the rebuild films dsfkljdflkj

#trauma tw #depression tw #rowan rambles #i'll shut up eventually i just have Nowhere else to put this #i'm not confident enough to post this in places where there's like. actual discourse about the show #because a lot of people read into it a Lot deeper than me & i really appreciat their effort & analyses #rowan watches neon genesis evangelion #neon genesis evangelion spoilers #nge spoilers

[peanutpinet]

Trouble In Paradise (Yuzuru Hanyu x Reader)

Request: "I was thinking of figure skater!reader x Yuzuru Hanyu, where they are dating and doing Fantasy on Ice. One night, where reader is especially exhausted she gets into an argument with him. During the following show, the audience and fellow skaters notice that something is wrong especially after she gave up her place as the first jumper at the end to Evgenia when Alina wanted to do it and she tried to stay as far away from Yuzuru the whole show when he tried to make amend with her. Later that night, they reconcile. The next day, it was in every news that reader prefers Evgenia over Alina and was in conflict with Yuzuru. So reader has to make an official "apology" to explain that she was exhausted" - @thehappygrungelife

A/N: this is actually my first request from Tumblr and I'm very grateful to the person who asked for a request and I really hope I do it a justice

Warning: angst + fluff (happy ending), some cursing and heated argument

It was another day of practice for FaOI (Fantasy on Ice) and for some reason, you were not in your best shape. You would constantly be off beat compared to others and even when it was your turn to practice your performance, it was all but good; it wasn't even near your "ok" performance.

Okay, maybe it wasn't because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The other day you've been pushing yourself quite hard and it was the first day of your period. To top it off? The only thing your boyfriend, Yuzu did was telling you that it'll be alright and one bad day won't do any harm since everyone has those days.

I mean, who could blame him, practice isn't always easy when you're not into it. The whole entire day, you just prayed that practice would be over as soon as possible but of course, the more you want time to go by, the longer it actually is.

After what feels like days, practice was finally over and you were all dismissed to go back to your hotel. But despite feeling rough, you decided to wait for Yuzu since you just wanted to sulk and complain to him. But when you saw Yuzu talking with other female skaters, you decided to just leave in your grumpy state.

Throughout the rest of the day, you kept on ignoring all the notifications you got from Yuzu. Every message, every phone call, you ignored them all. Until you heard a knock on the door to your hotel room. Thinking it was the room service you ordered but it turns out to be a not pleased Yuzu.

"Where were you? I've called you so many times. Did you even check your phone?!" Yuzu questioned, his tone was immediately an octave higher

"It was charging. I'm trying to not look at my phone too much. It stresses me out" you shrugged, going back to your bed and looking at your laptop

"What's the difference with your laptop then?! You know what, never mind. Do you know how worried I was?! I thought something happened to you" Yuzu sighed, stress combing his hair

"Oh, now you noticed. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. You should head back and rest. Our show is literally tomorrow" you mentioned, not looking away from your laptop

"What's with you? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?!" Yuzu started to get worried

"Nothing much. Just another tiring day. I'm serious Yuzu, just go. You need your rest too" you replied, sighing

"Why? Why are you pushing me away?! We barely talked today" Yuzu complained

"I'm just tired and on my period. Can we please not have this conversation. I don't want to lash out at you" you sighed, getting up from the bed

"Why? Why would you lash out? C'mon, let's just talk. I'm worried about you" Yuzu mentioned, taking your hands in his

"Why don't you just go back to the other skaters. I really am not in the mood to talk. Just go" you groaned, letting your hands go

"This talk isn't over (Y/N). You can be mad at me but we still have to talk it through. Get some rest, alright?" Yuzu sighed in defeat, leaving you in your room

Oh how you wish you could just make the whole week go by as fast as Thanos' snap. But, like it or not, you just have to face it and get through cause eventually it'll all be over.

Unfortunately, the other skaters and even the audience knew that something was wrong. Your typical bubbly and enthusiastic self was nowhere to be seen. Sure, you managed to perform your skating until the end, but it seems something was off. Your expression didn't lie.

What threw it off even more is when you were supposed to be the first jumper before the closing but you decided to let Zhenya do it, telling her that you weren't feeling well and your period cramps were acting up more than the usual and because Zhenya was the closest to you.

After the performance was over, there were many words going around and the media started to bring up some news about you preferring Zhenya over Alina to do the first jump. When the news started to blow up, Yuzu was the first to try to find you and talk about why you did what you did; not only that, he also wanted to talk about why you've been avoiding him since last night and even during the whole event.

However, the second the staff told everyone to go backstage, you were the first to leave the stage because your period cramps were getting unbearable and you quickly excused to be able to go back to the hotel on your own, trying to get away from the media who were plastering questions to why you decided to give your first jump spot to Zhenya.

Over on Yuzu's side, his eyes were traced on you throughout the whole show. Especially when you gave up your first jump spot for someone else when you normally are enthusiastic to do it. When Yuzu saw you quickly going backstage, he didn't hesitate to follow you. Calling out for you and asking you to talk but he lost sight of you and you eventually went out of the room before he could get to you, sparking another drama for the media.

Throughout the rest of the day, you just shut any kind of way for people to contact you and just passed out since the period cramps were getting to you. You didn't know how long you've been sleeping until you heard several, no, multiple knocks on your door that could probably be heard throughout the floor you were staying.

Grunting, you finally woke up and headed towards the door, opening it and revealed Yuzu, your boyfriend and the person you honestly don't really want to talk to but at the same time, relieved that it was him instead of someone else. Sighing, you knew that you were going to have the talk sooner or later. So, you finally let him in, telling him that you just woke up.

"Before you ask anything. I just woke up" you mentioned, closing the door as Yuzu came in

"What happened? Are you sick? You didn't seem too well. If you were sick, you could've said so instead of pushing yourself and not putting on your best performance" Yuzu started to lecture

"Yuzu..." you mumbled

"Like honestly. I was worried. We're all worried about you but you kept pushing us away" Yuzu argued

"Yuzu!! Stop!!" you raised your voice back

"No. Look, I get it if you're tired but that doesn't mean you should just push people away" Yuzu argued back

"YUZURU HANYU!! I SAID. STOP IT" you shouted, stunning Yuzu since he never saw you this angry

"Please. I'm already tired from a stressful week and my period just came yesterday and the cramps were unbearable even when I've taken medication" you sighed, plopping back on your bed as Yuzu follows you

"Not only that. I was hoping to be able to have a night of just the both of us yesterday but you were talking to other skaters and I don't want to seem so clingy or anything. I also don't want to be mad at you since my mood swings during my period is not the greatest. But guess the media thought otherwise" you explained

"Hey, hey, look at me. Why didn't you say anything? No one would've ever thought something like that, hmm? Especially me. You're not clingy at all. I actually like it you know. Makes me feel more loved and wanted. It's actually one of the things I like about you. What bout letting Zhenya jump first? Was it also because of your period?" Yuzu softly asked, holding your hands in his as he kneeled in front of you

"Yea. And Zhenya was the closest to me. I swear there's no hate going around or anything" you replied, sighing

"Alright. Let's not worry about that. We can deal with the media tomorrow. I'm just glad that you're alright. Please tell me whenever you don't feel well or if something doesn't sit right with you, okay? No matter what reason it is. No matter if you think it's silly, I want to hear about it. We're in this together. Whatever your problem is, it's my problem too and I want to help you" Yuzu reminded, holding your hand tightly in his

"Okay. I'm sorry for making you and everyone else worry" you mumbled

"It's alright. Just don't hide anything from me anymore okay? Now let's just rest. I'll help you deal with the media tomorrow, hmm?" Yuzu mentioned, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead

"Are you staying?" you murmured, looking into his eyes

"If you want me to. If not, I'll just stay until you're asleep" Yuzu replied, patting your head

"You can stay. I don't feel like I'll be able to sleep anytime soon since I did just take a long nap" you mentioned

"Alright. Then I'll stay here to comfort you. Let's just watch a film, hmm? I'll order some room service" Yuzu mentioned, going over to the phone to call for room service but you stopped him

"Thank you, Yuzu. I really am lucky to have you" you smiled, looking at Yuzu with eyes full of love

"And I am too. I'm thankful to have you as well. Thankful that you're able to make me warmer and more open to others" Yuzu giggled, taking your hand and kissing it

In the end, the both of you just cuddled up in your bed and watched some movies to end the night, thanking the universe for bringing the both of you together. Because, in the end of the day, no matter what difficult situations you may face, with the right person, you can get through it.

A/N: @thehappygrungelife I hope that I did your request a justice and hope that you like it :)

#yuzuruhanyu #yuzuru #yuzuru hanyu x reader #yuzuru hanyu scenarios #yuzuru hanyu imagines #yuzu scenarios #yuzu imagines #yuzuru hanyu fluff #yuzuru x reader #figure skating yuzuru hanyu #figureskating #figure skating #figure skating scenarios #figure skating imagines

[its-deputy-caleb]

Hey hey!!

I pretty sure you know what I'm here for, so I'll give two options, that way there is no pressure and you can choose whichever you feel in the mood for!!

Soft Micah, where he's drunk and feeling insecure and tells the reader why he loves them and how much they mean to him, ending with the reader being the big spoon and cuddling the rat man as he cries himself to sleep.

OR

Soft Sadie, where she confides in the reader about when she first joined the gang, how she felt when her husband was murdered, and how she never thought she'd find love again until she met the reader.

No pressure to do either! I will leave it in your talented and capable hands.

Don't forget how amazing you are and how much joy you bring with your writing.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

sksksks you know i'm gonna do both bc i love both these asks and soft clingy micah is my literal favourite. this is a total unedited mess but its my total unedited mess and i'm just the biggest sucker for making him all mushy so pls enjoy whatever the hell this is <3333.

(ill do the sadie ask in a different post and put the link here!)

----------------------------

Today was particularly strange, not because anything extraordinary happened but because your sweetheart, Micah, was nowhere to be seen.

Sure he had a tendency to run off on jobs and you couldn’t spend all hours of the day together but it was unlike him to leave you to wake up alone in your shared tent.

All day he’d avoided you. Normally you’d get a coffee and slowly wake up together, planning out your day which usually involved planning your next job together but Micah was no where to be found when you woke up with nothing but blankets around you.

He wasn’t loitering around the outskirts of camp, nor was he by the campfire cleaning his weapons. It was if he well and truly disappeared, but you knew who Micah was and you knew if he didn’t want to be found he wouldn’t be.

With that you left your search, busying yourself with chores and helping around camp and knowing that Micah would make his appearance when he wanted to be found. It was merely a matter of time, nothing more.

-

The first thing you noticed when you were returning to camp from doing a late night run into town for ammunition was that Baylock had been hitched with the other horses, something that wasn’t there this morning.

Your eyes scanned around camp, noticing instantly that the flaps to your tent were pulled shut which only happened when either of you were in there. You placed down the crate of ammo you were carrying, dusting your hands before walking over and slowly opening the flaps to let yourself inside.

The first thing you noticed was Micah sitting up abruptly with that sounded like a sniffle. He shuffled around, clearly trying to make himself presentable. Slowly, you held your hands out to him, clearly reading the almost heavy feeling to the room.

“Hey now… been looking for you, where’d you go?”

You sit down beside him, keeping your voice soft as if you were calming a spooked horse. You notice amongst the pillows and blankets the empty bottles of whiskey and his green neckerchief which was stained with his tears.

“Oh Mikes, c'mere…”

You wrap your arms around him, hearing a choked sob slip from him as you run your hands through his stringy hair. Your other hand slips under his disheveled and unbuttoned shirt to rub slow circles along his back as he cried into your neck.

Sobs and little whimpers leave him as you hold him, littering soft kisses in his hair and shushing him as best you could.

“It’s alright Micah... I’ve got you now.”

You pull him back slightly, holding his face in your hands as your thumb wiped away his tears that kept falling from his eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere, just let it out sweetheart— I’m here.”

You watched as his bottom lip quivered and other rush of sobs fell from his mouth. He buried his face back into your neck, his arms wrapping tightly around you as if you’d ever let him go.

“You should go somewhere...anywhere but here— don’t know why you put up with an ugly old sod like me. Yer too good for me— deserve someone better— don’t waste yer time with me.”

Micah’s voice cracked at least twice, his words broken up with sobs and cries as he spilled out exactly what had been bothering him all day.

Your heart broke when you heard him, wrapping your arms around his back as you held him flushed against you.

“Hey hey don’t you say that, you are enough for me okay? I love you and there’s no one I love more in this world than I do you.”

Micah shakes his head, burying his face in your shoulder even further as tears soak your shirt.

“Look at me Micah…”

Slowly and reluctantly he pulls away, resting his elbows on either side of your legs as he still attempts to hide in your chest. You brush the hair from his temples that had been stuck down by streaks of tears, gently tucking his hair behind his ears as you waited for him to look at you.

“I want you to know that you’re not a waste of time… every day I get to spend with you makes me happy— you make me happy Micah.”

The look Micah gives you is one of pure hope and adoration. His crisp blue eyes are wide as you speak, the colour deepened from all the redness surrounding them. More stray tears fall from the corners of his eyes although they’re much softer now, his sobbing slowing to something more tame as he listens to your soothing voice.

You lean down, placing a gentle kiss to his lips and you note how he’s obviously chewed at his bottom lip sometime today. Micah practically melts into you, clearly in his softer clingy mood which always followed him whenever he got emotional and insecure.

Sitting up, you trace the scar on his chin as he leans into your hand like a scared little cat caught in the rain.

“And you’re certainly not ugly.”

Micah instantly shakes his head, sitting up and trying to pull himself out of your embrace but you don’t let him get far. You come up behind him and wrap your arms around his tummy, resting your head over his shoulder as you watch him intertwine your hands together.

You kiss his cheek, leaning your head against his as you cuddle him.

“Yes you are— you’re my pretty boy, my sweetheart, my Mikey.”

You can hear him smile although he tries to hide it under his hair that’s flopped in front of his face that also served to hide the blush he had.

For a while you sit together just like that. Micah aimlessly fiddles with your fingers in his lap while you watch from over his shoulder, occasionally leaning down and pressing kisses all over his neck and shoulder.

“Love you too ya’know…ya always know the right things to say and ya always know how to make me feel loved. I’m real lucky to have you— even when I don’t deserve you, I’m a real lucky man indeed.”

Micah practically fidgets with your hands through his whole little confession and you squeeze them to reassure him, something he happily returns with desperate squeezes of his own.

“I love you more than you could kno—“

A yawn cuts through Micah’s words, his exhaustion (and whiskey) finally catching up to him as he leans into your hold. The sound makes you giggle, his yawn always making you smile at just how adorable it was no matter how badly he denied it.

“Common sleepyhead, bet you’re real tired.”

Again he looks at you with those wide hopeful eyes, although this time they’re much more sleepy as you roll him to lie down with you. You shuffled the empty bottles to the corner of the tent, placing his neckerchief beside his hat so the two of you had more room.

“You’ll stay?”

You smile, giving him a soft kiss before draping the blanket over the two of your and spooning up behind him. Usually he’d protest at being the little spoon but not today. Now Micah is nothing short of exhausted and you knew, without him having to say it, that he just needs to be cuddled and littered with affection.

“Course I am, won’t find me anywhere else but right here with you.”

You kiss the back of Micah’s neck before burying your face into his shoulder blades. Your hands ran soothing circles over his tummy and chest, waiting and feeling his breath even out. You didn’t move until you heard his soft snoring, finally allowing yourself to fall asleep too with a smile on your face and your arms wraps protectively around Micah.

Eventually, at some point in the night Micah had rolled to tuck his head in your neck and you woke with a large amount of dribble stuck to your shirt (something that made Micah go the colour of a tomato) but you didn’t mind a bit as long as he knew just how much you loved him.

#soft micah is my FAV #micah bell #micah bell x reader #soft micah hours #soft rat 🥺🥺🥺 #micah bell imagine #rdr2 #rdr2 writing #rdr2 headcanons #red dead redemption 2

[hahahax30]

✨Headcanon time✨

Genevieve is Jewish. Ik ik she celebrates Christmas with the 19th cenqueery gang but hear me out. Imagine Madeleine going to visit Genevieve’s grave with Atalanta when she first arrives in Mirror. They collect rocks and when they go to put them on the grave, Madeleine starts crying because their rocks barely fit on Genevieve’s tombstone because there are so many other rocks and Madeleine starts to truly realize how much time has gone by since she’d been turned into a statue. (Also Madeleine decides to learn Hebrew and Yiddish later on as a way to honour her, like she did with Aaron and Sydney, only in a much healthier way)

Whenever Morgan does something badass and Lucas is proud of her, he doesn’t say, “that’s my wife!” He says, “I’m her husband!” Like “yeah, that bombshell of a woman choose me and my love of fucking CAD!!”

For his twentieth birthday, Sydney writes Camille a fairy tale about a boy cursed to be trapped inside his own body for all of eternity until he’s saved by his platonic Prince Charming and Camille and Marcus both get very emotional over it

I really hope these aren’t too terrible 😅

~headcanon time~

Tbh I had never thought of characters's religions, ik the 19th cenqueery gang would probably have to be Anglican (although I think Camille would end up being an atheist) and that Saz are atheists because *yes* but from now on Genevieve is Jewish! Also, ik this was to talk about Madeleine/Genevieve, but I have to talk a little bit more about Genevieve being Jewish because I've just realised that one of her descendants is named after a fucking Jewish king lol, and guess who's also of (distant) Jewish heritage?

Ofc, I'd have to read on Scottish Jews, get more info on Judaism as a whole since Genevieve would be religious (and I'm sorry but my knowledge of Judaism is very poor), and probably ask you if a writing doubt arises? But, yeah, you've just made at least 4 characters Jewish/ethnically Jewish/of Jewish descent.

Anyways, Madeleine actually hasn't visited Genevieve's tomb, because it's it in the middle of the Aboveground Scottish's nowhere, it's private property, and Atalanta has very bad memories of the place (even if she doesn't know that one of the tombs there was Genevieve's, since this happened before TSC). But Madeleine will eventually visit her tomb, with Atalanta, maybe Diana, and someone else. I want her to know everything the 19th cenqueery gang did to remember her. And I want Madeleine to keep their memory with her --in a healthy way ofc-- so I'll try to see if I can fit in that scene!

(If Madeleine learns Yiddish and Hebrew, Wagner let me tell you I have the *perfect* teacher for her dosnakajsjsjakaka)

As for Lucas, he's more the type to have a short-circuit every time Morgan does something badass, Xiuying probably has a 100-photo file titled 'Lucas.exe has stopped working' with his reactions, but YES. After everything they've been through, he won't shut up about being Morgan's husband when they marry. Listen, men from Mirror China don't change their surnames when they marry, but Lucas? Yeah, no, he's very proudly Lucas Hao, Morgan Badass Hao's husband.

ALSO

(But Lucas would like to disagree with you, that nerd does arrays for fun)

MCOSMWISNWIANSIWNSISNWOWK WAGNER THAT'S LITERALLY SOMETHING SYDNEY WOULD DO 1000%

I'd ask you if I could write a short story about this, but I won't lie, I don't have time and have to write biagc + other short stories (the Coraline/Adelaide short story pt2? Yeah I haven't forgotten about it lol), so... I fucking love that headcanon, and if you want to flesh it out into something more detailed, you can definitely do it (I hope that doesn't sound like I'm pushing you to do something, I'm not lol, please believe me).

THESE WERE NOT TERRIBLE AT ALL WAGNER

#not to sound too self-absorbed but I can't wait for ck day #asks! #wagner! #the kinship chronicles #tkc

[emma-nation]

The Devil In I - Bela x OC (Resident Evil Village AU) - Chapter 7

“Step inside, see the Devil in I”

Summary: Aleena Novak is a 19 years old orphan who desired more than living in a village in the middle of nowhere. A talented artist with a big future ahead, she gets the scholarship of her dreams in United States. But everything changes when her twin brother, Auryk, steals an important artifact from Castle Dimitrescu.

In this adventure, Aleena will find way more than she expected.

“You’ll realize I’m not your Devil anymore”

Pairing: Bela Dimitrescu x f!OC

Genre: Between T and M (Trigger warning for violence, blood, abuse and eventual smut)

Tag List: @nydeiri

Notes: Thank you for all the reviews, follows and likes! It means a lot to me.

Trigger Warning: Language, abuse, blood and violence.

Castle Dimitrescu, Guest Room - Present Days

Two days had passed and I was still trying to process what was happening. How could my life change so drastically again? I could no longer count on my twin brother, who I considered to be my best friend, the person I trusted the most in the entire world. I was filled by the same emptiness, the same sorrow I felt when my mother died. My life was in the palm of his hands and he was letting me go.

"Relax your shoulders, love," Bela whispered softly in my ear. "You're so tense."

Bela was the only person who still made me smile in the middle of all that chaos. She was helping me to find any clues in the diaries, about Miranda and about Auryk too. But for that, we had to work really fast.

We were sneaking back in the village everyday, it wasn't safe to bring those notes to the castle where Bela's mother and sisters could easily find. I prayed the weather wouldn't change and temperatures remained high. In another case, we wouldn't be able to go to my house again and my time with Lady Dimitrescu was running out.

Meanwhile, we were also working on overcoming my intimacy issues. Being intimate without having sex yet. First, we undressed each other completely. I had to know her body and allow her to know mine. I looked at the perfection of Bela's features for a second, before I was invaded by a mix of embarrassment and discomfort. It was the first time I was seeing a woman, completely naked, in front of me.

When I looked at her again, she was gazing at my body like if she was admiring a masterpiece in an art exhibit. At first, I was shy. I blushed and crossed my arms, as if I had any reasons to hide myself. Bela smiled. In that moment I knew she was appreciating me and that made me feel better.

"You're gorgeous, aren't you?" Bela lifted up my chin, forcing me to look at her, to see it in her eyes she was being truthful on her words.

"No more than you," I gathered some courage to move forward and extend my hand, touching a little bit of her soft skin, her arms, her chest, her stomach... then I stopped.

"This is okay," she assured me. But she understood that, in that moment, it was enough for me.

We both entered the bathtub, where I positioned myself in front of Bela and allowed her to take care of me. She gently rubbed my body with a sponge, starting by my back. Then, she moved to my front, rubbing my breasts, my stomach, my tights. Though we were in silence, she seemed to understand my limits, my barriers. Noticing how stressed I looked, she decided to give me a massage. I relaxed my shoulders as she told, focusing myself completely on our moment together.

"It's my turn," I told her. "Let me take care of you?"

Bela nodded and switched positions with me. I offered her the same treatment she gave me, but I wasn't so confident, so precise. My shaking hands would often betray me and I was unsure if I was being too gentle or too rough. Yet, she seemed to be enjoying it. I gave a special attention on washing her hair, it was so beautiful, so soft. The way it barely grew on the spot around her scar was a sin. I hated Miranda even more for that.

She rested her head against my chest as I continued to massage her scalp.

"Does it hurt?" I softly traced her scar with my finger.

"It stings sometimes," she sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"Does it hurt?" Bela repeated my gesture, tracing the scar on my forearm.

"No," she never asked, yet I felt I should tell her how it happened. "Adrian told me he found me in the basement cutting myself, right after my mom died. But I don't remember."

"Trauma can block some painful memories."

I knew that very well. I realized how little I remembered the days after my mother's death. My last memory was seeing her mangled body being carried inside our house. Nothing else. I didn't remember her burial or if I managed to say goodbye. I couldn't remember if we had people visiting us or if I was alone with my father. Everything about those terrible days was a blur.

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Office - Present Days

When Lady Dimitrescu called her daughters for a private meeting that morning, Bela couldn't help feeling anxious and scared. Her mother was usually a woman of her word, but when it came to her reputation with Mother Miranda, she'd become completely blind by rage. Alcina really believed her when she suggested Aleena's brother could be responsible for stealing the Lords and also for the attack to the castle, even when the evidences pointed to the opposite.

"I told you so," while they waited outside, Cassandra was smirking deviously. She was determined to do anything to annoy Bela right in the morning. "It won't well for you. Our mother can't betray Mother Miranda and the other Lords because you've fallen in love with a stupid human girl."

"Shut up," Bela decided she wouldn't give in to her provocations. It was Cassandra's favorite manner to extract information from her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you think we're stupid?" Still, her sister wouldn't stop. "Everyone, except for our mother, has noticed already. Me, Daniela, even Mrs. Volkov. Tell me, Bela. Will you keep pretending when we serve her on a silver plate tonight?"

Bela advanced in her sister's direction. Cassandra quickly dissolved into flies, she did the same. The corridor was a mess of flying insects and buzzing for a few minutes, before they had to shape back into their bodies. Now, she'd finally have the chance to inflict her sister some pain. She pinned Cassandra against the wall.

"Stop, you two," Daniela tried to intervene. "What the hell are you doing?"

Cassandra tried to throw a punch, but Bela was a little faster on her reflects, she grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm.

"What's your problem, Cassandra?" Bela angered. "You can't stand the idea she wasn't one of your trophy maidens, isn't it? Just leave me alone. Leave her alone too."

In that moment, they heard the door opening. Lady Dimitrescu appeared in the corridor, with an ugly snarl on her face.

"What the hell is going on here?" She yelled. "I thought I had daughters, but then I come here and you two are fighting like animals."

Daniela sighed relieved. This time, she wasn't included.

"I'm sorry, mother," Cassandra straightened her dress. "It's Bela who's being a bitch."

"You started it," Bela tried to grab her hair, but she deflected. "You're insulting me from the moment I arrived."

"The three of you! In my office, now!"

Bela couldn't feel guilty this time. Something inside her had changed. She didn't care if her mother was disappointed at her behavior, absolutely no one would touch Aleena. Especially Cassandra.

"It's all about that girl, mother," the middle sister proceeded to tell Alcina. "Bela is in love with her. They've been making out around the castle all the time."

"And this is none of your goddamn business!"

"It is, when your actions are putting us all in danger! Her brother..."

"Stop!" Lady Dimitrescu shouted, making they both go silent. "Is it going to be like this anytime a new woman steps inside this castle?"

No. Not for Bela. She didn't care about other women. Cassandra could have them if she wanted, as long as she stayed away from her girlfriend.

"I agree," Cassandra continued. "It has to end. I vote that we drain her tonight."

"CASSANDRA!" Alcina punched the desk, making her stop instantly. "I didn't call you here to talk about this girl."

A part of Bela was relieved, but she when her eyes crossed with her mother's, the feeling of anxiety started growing inside her. Now she knew about her relationship with Aleena. And her sisters too. She couldn't predict how they'd react.

"I'm going to another meeting with Mother Miranda tonight. I expect to find this castle intact when I return. If I discover my daughters are fighting in my absence, I'll be truly disappointed."

"Yes, mother," Daniela said. "No one is going to fight anymore. Right?"

Cassandra rolled her eyes at the youngest sister. Bela only gave her an annoyed look.

So that was the reason of their visit to Lady Dimitrescu's office. For now, Aleena was safe. They still had a few days to gather information about Mother Miranda and whatever she was planning. Bela was about to leave after her sisters when her mother called her back. She froze.

"Bela, you stay. We need to talk."

"Yes, mother?" She sat in front of her mother again.

"What were you and Cassandra fighting about?"

"I-I... uh, it's true. I'm in love with Aleena."

Bela decided it was time to stop lying. After all her mother was the person she trusted the most in this world, besides Aleena. Lady Dimitrescu stared at her face emotionless. Bela couldn't figure out what she could be thinking. She looked down, avoiding her mother's intense gaze.

"It's different this time," she explained. Although Alcina never bothered when they got involved with women, she hated the mess it usually caused. Sometimes Cassandra would slaughter her partners in her bedroom or some other place too hard to be cleaned. Daniela fell in love too easily, always having her heart broken when she discovered the subject of her affection was only using her to escape the castle and the fate every servant usually had. In this process, a lot of other things would break too. Such as the castle's furniture and the servant's bones. "I'm doing things right. I even asked her to be my girlfriend."

Bela wouldn't get involved with women so often as her sisters, but when she did, it surely never ended well. They'd become disappointed when they found out she didn't reciprocate their feelings. There would be a lot of arguing, tears and some of them would even dare to call her mother for a talk. In the end, they always died anyways.

She had never been in love before. Until now.

"Girlfriend?!" Lady Dimitrescu eyes widened in surprise and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. Bela finally knew what what her mother should be thinking about. The woman she once loved. "Oh Bela..."

"She makes me happy, mother. Like I've never been before."

"And this is exactly what concerns me, daughter. You know how it ends."

"It doesn't have to end that way. I'm controlling my instincts very well and..."

"But she's human and young. She's going to study abroad, meet new people who are just like her. Then, she'll forget you ever existed."

That was the one thing Bela had accepted since the moment she decided to kiss Aleena. Soon, they'd be saying goodbye and there would be nothing left for her, only the memories. Yet, it was worthy. Every moment by Aleena's side was precious.

"I know that," she assured Lady Dimitrescu. "Mother, the only thing I want is your word you're letting her go by the end of this week. Whatever her brother did, Aleena's innocent."

"Okay, daughter," her mother's hand touched hers. The corners of her mouth curled up in a small smile. "I promise you. As long as you promise me you and Cassandra will stop fighting."

"Okay, I'll ignore her provocations. I promise."

"You know your sister, Bela. Cassandra is very attached to our family. She's only jealous most of your attention is being dedicated to Aleena."

"Yeah, I know."

Bela held her mother's hand and smiled back at her.

"Girlfriend..." she was still muttering to herself and shaking her head in denial as Bela stood up and started to walk away. "Well, I suppose there were worse options."

As she opened the office's door, ready to leave, Alcina spoke:

"Bela, take care."

"I will."

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Guest Room - Present Days

I asked my breakfast to be served in my room. Going to the dining room all by myself was pointless, as Bela and her sisters were reunited with their mother in her office. I wondered what they could be discussing. Was it about me or Auryk?

Anyways, our time was running out. I only had until the end of the week to prove my brother's innocence and expose Miranda's betrayal against the Four Lords. There was only one problem, if Auryk wasn't stealing from the Lords, he wasn't involved in something good either. The manner he spoke to me on the phone, it seemed dangerous and secretive.

And there was Bela. Everytime I remembered the page I ripped off from those diaries I'd feel my chest tightening a little bit. I wouldn't let my brother, and whoever he was working for, lay a finger on her. From the moment I arrived, she was nothing but sweet to me. She always did everything to protect me and I was willing to do the same.

Mrs. Volkov entered the room, bringing a tray of food. She locked the door behind her.

"Ms. Novak, I'd like to speak to you in private for a moment," she asked.

I nodded in agreement.

"I couldn't help noticing Ms. Bela coming and leaving this room very often lately."

"Yes," now I could understand why Cassandra was always threatening the staff with her knifes. Even if Mrs. Volkov was trying to protect me, what I did inside my room was none of her business. I feared she'd tell Alcina. "We're working on a personal issue of mine. And I'd appreciate if this information stays between us only."

"My mouth is shut, Ms. Novak. I only beg you to be careful, I've seen many girls like you going missing or being dragged to the dungeons after getting involved with the mistress' daughters."

Of course she had to remind me of the fact my girlfriend probably has had enough partners to fill both sides of a book page.

"Thank you for your concern."

And of course she had to run right into 'Ms. Bela' as she opened the door to leave.

"Mrs. Volkov," she greeted, polite as she always was. Sometimes I wondered if Bela was so well mannered even when she was killing her victims. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Everything's fine, Ms. Bela. I was only serving Ms. Novak her breakfast."

"Thank you. I suppose we're good for now. I call you if we need anything else."

Bela shut the door, immediately forcing the woman to go away. I asked her to lock it, just in case.

"Good morning, love," she sat by my side at the table and pressed a kiss on my cheek. "I hope you saved me some because I'm starving."

"Hey, didn't you just have breakfast with your mom?"

"Not actually, I refused it. I was waiting to have breakfast with you, like we do every morning."

She smiled, causing butterflies in my stomach.

"Aren't you sweet?" I was kinda expecting her to come. I even asked Mrs. Volkov for an extra cup and plate. I passed it to Bela. "I was hoping you'd come."

I retributed her kiss.

"So, what are doing today?" She wanted to know. "Are we coming back to your house? Or would you like to do something different?"

"I wish, but we have to finish reading the diaries. I only have a few days left before your mom decides what she wants to do to me."

"I spoke to her. She's letting you go by the end of the week."

"Is she?" I asked, to be sure.

Bela nodded in response.

I should be happy with the information, Lady Dimitrescu wasn't going to kill me after all. But I wasn't. I was expecting her to protest and keep me as a prisoner for weeks, months, maybe years as it seemed Auryk wasn't coming back. I wanted to be stuck in that castle for the rest of my life, as long as I had Bela by my side.

"She has a meeting with Mother Miranda tonight," she added. "She usually doesn't come back until the morning. We should do something special."

"Like what?"

"Like a date?"

The concept of having a date was a little bit difficult when you lived in a village that wasn't even in the maps Your options were very limited: going to the nearest town, going to the pub or do something at home. The first two options could not end well as we'd be going too far from the castle or if any villagers recognized Bela.

We could stay in my house and order some food, there was this restaurant in town that would deliver even in that hellhole of a place. We could also watch movies and make out on the couch.

Maybe more. I was desperate for more. Especially now I knew we'd be separated soon. I wanted to enjoy every second of your moments together. Yet, I was insecure. I couldn't help thinking of Mrs. Volkov comment regarding Bela's level of experience.

"I think I have something in mind," I grabbed Bela's hand. "Ready?"

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's House - Present Days

We rod to the village as were doing every day. I was always concerned some other villager could see me and recognize me. At this point, everybody should know about what happened to me. They'd instantly connect the dots if they saw Bela. When we arrived to my house again, I was relieved. Almost. Until I saw the front door had been forced open.

"Oh fuck," I quickly took my daggers before taking another step into the house. "Somebody broke into my house. They may still be in there."

Bela took some kind of blade from her boots too.

"What? I have my tricks too, love." She asked, noticing I was surprised. "Cassandra isn't the only good hunter."

We carefully opened the door. Before I could even do anything, Bela grabbed me and covered my mouth. Her senses were probably detecting something nearby.

"Shhhh," she pointed to her ears. "I can hear something... in the basement."

"But not all of us are vampires," I muttered. When I noticed, Bela had already vanished, turning into flies. I followed her to the basement, after grabbing a rifle. Before I even got there, I already heard a male voice screaming.

"What the fuck?! What are you freaks even doing here?!"

I recognized it before I could even see the figure. But I waited until I was downstairs to confront him.

"Heisenberg. I could ask you the same," I spoke, pointing the rifle at him even if I knew it was useless. "What are you doing here?"

"You," he turned around from the hidden cabinet where the weapons were stored. "Weren't you trapped at Lady Super Sized Bitch's castle?"

"Have some respect talking about my mother," Bela shaped back into her body. "Not that she has any talking about you. So I guess you both are even."

"Oh great, and you brought one of the daughters with you. At least it's the decent one."

"Are you going to explain what you're doing in my house?" I angered. There was a good reason of why that man was there again. Coincidentally when he had a meeting with Miranda later that day. "Let me guess. You're searching for something to take to the Highest Bitch In Charge tonight. Am I right?"

"Wait, wait..." Heisenberg showed his hand as a sign of truce. I lowered the rifle. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Are you searching for something to take to Mother Miranda in the meeting tonight? Because many things are going missing, under mysterious circumstances that are strangely connected to her."

"Do you think Mother Miranda is the one stealing from the Lords?"

I told him about my conversation with Auryk and his suspicions about Miranda's involvement in the situation.

"I knew it!" Heisenberg kicked away an old wooden chair, shattering it to pieces. I shot Bela a confused glance but she also had no idea of what was going on. "I fucking knew it! She's been plotting against us. I always warned my siblings this day would come but they never believed me."

"We're searching for evidence against her," I explained. "To find out what's her plan. Do you have any ideas?"

"Are you sure you can trust her?" He pointed at Bela. "Her mother is the one who kisses Miranda's ass the most. After Moreau, of course."

"Absolutely," I told. "Bela's with me on the matter."

"Sit down, the two of you, and I'll tell you what I know."

We sat on the armchairs we had down the basement. Heisenberg pulled a bottle of whiskey from one of Adrian's secret hideouts. He was about to take a sip directly from the bottle, but I made him serve all of us. Something told me I'd need alcohol to deal with that conversation.

"All these years serving her and we're only her tests subjects, girl. We were all declared a failure upon bitch Miranda's eyes. Me, Lady Super Sized Bitch, the Moronic Freak, the Ugly-Ass Psycho Doll and even this..." Bela scowled at him, letting him know she wouldn't appreciate any offensive nicknames he could have for her, "this girl and her sisters. We're trapped in this village, being forced to decades of humiliation and servitude."

"Are you telling me you don't worship Miranda like your siblings and the villagers?" I tried to understand.

"No!" Heisenberg shouted. "Can't you see? She has taken everything from me. My humanity, my dignity! And now she has found the perfect vessel for her experiments, she's planning to get rid of us."

I drank the entire cup of whiskey in one sip. I looked at Bela, I could see that deep down she shared the same feelings for Miranda as Heisenberg. She tried to follow me, but judging by her face, she wasn't used to that kind of drink.

"I know what it feels like," she took off her helmet, showing the scar on her head and also the tattoo. "I also hate how she treats my mother and she's always too blind to see it. Whenever she returns from a meeting, I can read it on her face. She's disappointed at herself. She's miserable. She's always feeling she isn't enough for Mother Miranda's purposes."

"Fuck! This is what I'm talking about! Look what she's done to you. Don't you think it's time we end this?"

"Okay," I interrupted their moment of mutual pain. "She really fucked up with you guys, so we need to find a manner to stop whatever she's planning."

"Your father," Heisenberg pointed to me. "That bastard also shared my feelings of revenge and hate against that bitch, but for some reason he never accepted to join forces. I knew he had some diaries that contained some important information, do you happen to know where they are?"

Before I could answer, Bela stepped in and spoke for me.

"This is what we've been searching for," she lied. She looked at me, giving me a signal we shouldn't trust Heisenberg completely yet. "Apparently, Aleena's brother has taken it with him."

"And where's the little criminal?"

"I don't know," I said. "Last time we spoke he was acting shady as fuck. Whatever he's involved with, it's not good."

"Hmmm, drugs probably."

"No! I'm pretty sure my brother isn't... what's a vessel, by the way? You said Miranda has found a perfect one for her experiments."

"A person who can achieve a perfect mutation," it was Bela who answered my question. "One without any flaws, any side effects. Unlike me, the Lords or any person that has turned into a Lycan."

"Exactly," Heisenberg added. "One with a body that will be able to revive her daughter."

"What the fuck..." I always knew Miranda was crazy, but not at that point. All those years, she had been misleading the villagers, the Lords only for her personal uses. "And who's this person? Where are they?"

"I don't know, kid. This is what I'm trying to find. If I destroy the vessel, there will be no ritual. And with the right proof in hands I can lead a rebellion against Miranda."

"You can count on me," I extended my hand to Heisenberg. "If I discover anything, I let you know."

"Smart girl," he shook my hand. "You'll have my full support if you need to escape that demonic castle."

"She doesn't!" Bela angered. "Mother is letting her go."

"Okay. If you need anything else then..." Heisenberg shrugged. Then he looked at Bela. "What about you, little Dimitrescu girl? Can we count on you?"

"Of course," she also extended her hand. "But you can't comment a word about this meeting with my mother tonight. She trusts Miranda above anything, she's going to blow up our plans."

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Bedroom - Present Days

While Aleena was taking a shower, Bela caught herself reading the diaries they found. Such a skilled predator should be proud of her achievements. The reports about her family were gruesome, terrifying, tragic. They were called many things, 'witches', 'monsters', 'abominations'...

"Psychotic bitches," definitely the most creative, a name given by Adrian Novak. Bela never had a personal encounter with Aleena's father, but she had definitely heard nasty stories about him, through Lady Dimitrescu and through Aleena herself. She thought of an appropriate nickname for him too and smirked. "Stupid manthing."

She closed the diary and walked to the mirror. Aleena told her to wear one of her clothes. She looked like a normal girl, one of Aleena's age, maybe two or three years older.

If it wasn't for that scar. That damn scar. When she woke up after the transformation, one of the first things she did was asking her mother how she had gotten it. Was it the reason she died? Later, she found out it was the reason why she was still alive. Something had been implanted in her brain, to transform her into... that. What about that tattoo? Young people had tattoos everywhere but certainly not on their foreheads. She was marked as one of the Dimitrescu daughters. Wherever she went, people would recognize her by that. Especially in the village. Countless times she and her sisters had caused panic among those people.

This was why Aleena couldn't take her out for a date. She couldn't take her to the pub, to meet her friends and do other things couples usually did. Bela clenched her fists in rage and frustration.

"Hey," Aleena left the bathroom, wrapped around a towel. "Sorry for taking so long. You look amazing, by the way."

Before heading to her wardrobe, she passed through Bela and planted a small kiss on her lips. She could live like that forever.

In fact, if the weather suddenly changed and the temperature dropped by the next day, she'd be stuck with Aleena in that house for days, months or even years. She could cook and clean the house while she was out for work. She could even find a manner to earn some money herself. She could be an artist and sell paintings. Or maybe a writer, she was a good one. Maybe she even had money already, after all she was the Countess' eldest daughter.

The idea excited Bela a lot... until she looked at Aleena's desk. If she was stuck in that house with her, she'd be giving up on her dreams of living in California and study in that Art Institute. And Aleena deserved that. More than any person she ever met.

It wouldn't last and she knew it. She always knew it.

"Selfish psychotic bitch," she muttered to herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Living Room - Present Days

I couldn't take my mind off my conversation with Heisenberg. I didn't even know how I was supposed to feel. I already hated Miranda before, but now I got the confirmation of the things Bela told me. She was nothing more than an experiment gone wrong and that woman was about to get rid of her and the others. I also thought about Alcina and Donna, who had no idea of what she was planning and trusted her blindly.

I also wondered, who was her perfect vessel? Was it someone from the village? Was it someone she had kidnapped? A million questions were going through my mind.

As soon as I finished getting dressed, Bela had sunk into one of her bad moods, where she became quiet and introspective, after acting normal all day. I already knew her enough to know something happened while I was in the shower and it was consuming her inside. Because as her own mother described, Bela felt everything very intensely.

"Would you like to go back to the castle?" We were in the living room, waiting for our dinner to be delivered. "We can go after dinner if you want."

"No," she said. I had turned on Auryk's video game console. Bela was quite curious about the game I was playing. Her eyes moved quickly as she observed every detail on the screen. "Not yet."

"Do you need to feed?"

"No, I'm okay."

I paused the game. Whatever happened, nothing seemed to distract Bela from it. She was quiet as in the morning she fought her mom or that night in her bedroom, before we kissed for the first time.

"Okay... why don't you tell me what happened? I left you alone in my room for some minutes and now you're upset."

Bela took a deep breath, as if she was trying to recompose herself and leave her emotions aside for the night.

"I'm not upset, love," she told me. "I'm focused."

"On what?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"If you don't move to the left side, like this," Bela took the controller from my hands, unpausing the game and making a move herself. "You're going to get yourself killed."

And she was right. Apparently her vampire senses worked for literally anything.

"Know what?" I turned off the console. "I'm done with this for the night. I already know I wouldn't be able to beat you if we played against each other anyways."

"What a sore loser," Bela finally let out a laugh. Mission accomplished, I was able to get her out of her bad mood.

"We'll see about that later."

"Will we?"

She lay on top of me, staring deeply into my eyes in an attempt to look dangerous. She pressed her lips against mine and I wrapped my arms around her body pulling her as closer as possible. Bela deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue inside my mouth. The way her tongue massaged mine, the way our bodies were moving together, the way my hands were exploring every inch of her perfect body... I was feeling things I had never experienced before. A heat that spread through every part of me. She finished her kiss biting my lower lip, leaving me stunned, breathless.

"I'm sorry, I got too carried away," she said, when we stopped. "We're almost setting ourselves on fire here."

"No, I want more," as I gazed into her beautiful golden yellow eyes, I couldn't be more sure. "I want us to burn."

Bela raised one eyebrow suggestively, as if she was trying to confirm what I had just told her. I let out a small laugh and nodded in confirmation.

"Then..." she pressed another kiss on my lips, "we should head back to your bedroom. Don't you think?"

I was about to give her an answer when the door bell rang. It was the delivery service bringing our dinner.

"Fuck, I had totally forgotten," I took a deep breath, trying to recompose myself.

"We can resume from where stopped later, if you want."

----------

I wanted it. I definitely wanted it, but I was too nervous for my own sake. If I didn't calm down, I'd end up ruining things. I remembered the night I invited a girl I was dating to my house. Even after having a lot of alcohol to calm my nerves and get me in the mood, I panicked. I panicked and locked myself in the bathroom until she went away. Needless to say she never wanted to see me again.

To try to distract myself, after dinner I sat down on my desk, reading carefully a page of the diary in front of me. The calligraphy was barely readable. Apparently that one belonged to my grandfather, Erik Novak, during his teenage years.

"March 13, 1962

The Lycan attacks have intensified during these days. It's almost impossible to even leave the house. My poor sister, Astrid, has been attacked while she was outside tending for the animals. We don't expect her to survive. The infection has spread to her whole body. Father suggested we put an end to her misery. Mother is still hoping for a miracle. We called Mother Miranda for guidance."

I felt a shiver going down my spine. It was almost like I could watch that scene playing in my mind, like a movie. I held the picture of Astrid, her beautiful dark hair and soft facial features. Such a terrible fate she was victim of. Why did my family still insisted on living in that goddamn place for generations after such a tragedy?

"Okay, I finally picked one," Bela emerged in my bedroom. She was in the living room, too amazed by my Netflix account. With so many movie options in front of her, she didn't know where to start. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I closed the diary. "I was just reading an entry while you chose. My grandfather's sister, she was bitten by a Lycan."

"It seems to happen quite often in your family. One of the diaries I read also reported a Lycan attack."

"It's like a family curse. In my generation, it was my mom. But in her case, there was not even time to develop an infection."

Family drama. Nothing related to the clues we were searching for. I decided to not think about anything else related to that village, Auryk or even Miranda for the next few hours. I wanted to enjoy my time with Bela, exclusively.

"So, let's see what you chose, Ms. Dimitrescu."

For my surprise, Bela had picked a Disney movie. I thought it was extremely cute, I was kinda expecting her to choose something classical or even an horror movie.

"Do you like this one?" She asked.

"I love it," I wrapped an arm around her shoulders as we sat down on the couch. "And I'll love it even more now it's the first movie we watch together."

I didn't make any interruptions as we watched the movie. Bela seemed so entertained, so genuinely happy. I remembered she probably had never seen a movie before. I didn't see any TVs inside the castle. If they even had one, they didn't have access to Netflix or any other modern features. I simply enjoyed the sensation of having her in my arms or the sensation of caressing her hair. I learned to appreciate the sound of her laugh more than anything in this world. When we met, I'd rarely hear it and now it was something she did often.

The world was easier when we were alone, just the two of us. Two lonely, misfit and traumatized individuals. Bela seemed to be the only person who understood my feelings, and I was this person for her too.

When the first movie ended, I asked if she wanted to see another one. She told me to choose this time and I picked a romance. With a happy ending.

God, we deserved to have a happy ending too. We both had gone through so much already. I had to stop Miranda. I couldn't let her take Bela from me.

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Bedroom - Present Days

It was already two in the morning when we returned to my bedroom.

"Are you sure your mother isn't going to freak out or anything?" I asked as we prepared the bed. "Cassandra is definitely going to tell her. If she gets mad the claws will come out to play and it's kinda scary."

"As long as the dragon remains inside, we're okay," the corners of Bela's mouth curled up in a smile.

"Dragon?!"

"Nevermind, it's a joke. A myth the villagers invented. Don't worry, I don't think she's going to mind. I told her about us this morning and she took it very well."

"This is quite a surprise."

We lay on the bed and my heart started thundering inside my chest. I wasn't sure if she remembered what we started before dinner and that I had intentions of resuming later.

"I wish we could have this everyday," she spoke softly, when we were face to face. "This is the reason why I was upset."

"Why does it upsets you?" I asked.

"While I was here alone, I kinda wished the temperature would drop and I'd be stuck here with you for a while. Then I realized I was being selfish."

"You're not selfish. To be honest, I kinda wished the same. I don't wanna go away. I want to stay with you, forever."

Bela took my hand, holding it very tightly for a few seconds and then, she released.

"You can't, Aleena. You don't deserve this life, in this place. You deserve more. You deserve to go after your dreams, move to California, go to college, be with a girl that actually deserves you."

"I don't want another girl, Bela. I want you. I want you the way you are, with your virtues and also your flaws. That's what made me fall in love with you."

I'd usually let her take the lead, but this time I kissed her, hard and desperate. I didn't want to think about the idea of being away from her. Or being with somebody else. Even if we couldn't be outside most of the time. Even if I had to work on the pub for the rest of my life. Even if she needed to drink human blood. I didn't mind if my friends or my brother never accepted my relationship with her. In that moment, I had everything I ever wanted and I wouldn't waste it. I couldn't wish for anything else.

When I realized, I felt her hand going down my shirt, caressing my stomach.

"Do you still want to do this?" She asked.

"More than anything."

I knew Bela had probably done that a thousand times before, but I wondered if she was always so tender, so careful. She knew that was an important moment to me, I was letting down the last of my emotional barriers for her, so she acted cautiously on every move she made next.

First, she kissed me again for a very long time. I assumed she was giving me enough time to think if I was truly prepared. Then, her mouth placed a trail of kisses for all the way down to my neck.

We undressed each other, Bela lay on top of me and as she kissed me again, I couldn't stop thinking how good it was the feeling of having her naked body so close to mine. This time, I felt confident enough to explore parts of her I wasn't prepared the last time.

"What?" I asked when we parted and she gazed deeply into my eyes. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"I have something to confess, love," she opened a beautiful smile. "I'm a little nervous too."

"Come on. Mrs. Volkov was scolding me this morning, telling me I was only one of the many women she saw leaving your bedroom."

"Yes, but it's the first time I do it with a woman I'm in love with."

It was my turn to smile. With my hand on her chest, I sensed how quick her heart was beating too.

"Well," I whispered seductively in her ear, "she's very in love with you too. So you don't have to be nervous."

"Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?"

I nodded in agreement and pulled her face for another kiss. As Bela's hands traveled through my body, caressing my inner tights, I was shivering in anticipation. By the time she touched me where I wanted her the most, my first reaction was to shudder.

"How does that feel?" She wanted to know. "Do you like it, love?"

"Yes!" I threw my head back as her fingers continued to stroke my center. "Oh my god, yes. Please don't stop."

"I don't plan to. We're only getting started."

I was still nervous. I didn't know how I was supposed to act. Should I do something to please her too? Should I be silent? Because I was fighting so hard against the wild impulses inside of me, that wanted to moan and scream Bela's name as loud as I could. I buried my mouth on her collarbone trying to muffle a moan.

"This is okay," she stopped for a second, looking at me with those gorgeous eyes. "Just relax. You're being perfect."

I simply nodded in agreement. I just wanted her to continue what she was doing, but she had other plans in mind...

"What about now?" Bela inserted one finger inside me and started to move, slow and gentle. "Does it hurt?"

"N-No... this feels great..." I could barely form a coherent sentence anymore. In fact, I noticed I had stopped breathing. Yes, I could die right now and I'd die a happy woman. Was that what my father was trying to protect me from with his sick ritual? I couldn't be more happier to have broken his rules. I couldn't be more happier I waited and did exactly I was told to stay away from.

My heart was racing really fast. I felt all my muscles were starting to become tense. Bela inserted another finger inside me, moving a little bit faster and harder, but still making sure she wasn't causing me any pain.

And in that moment, I completely lost myself. My back arched and my whole body started to tremble under her body. Bela held me tightly. I relaxed too, wrapping my arms around her.

"Are you okay, love?"

"More than okay," I answered between pants. "To be honest, I think I've never felt so great before."

"Is there anything else you want me to do?"

"Yes, you can now show me how I can please you."

We switched positions and Bela guided my hand as I tried to follow the same path as she did. She also rocked her hips to meet my rhythm. I wasn't so confident as she was. I was afraid I could do anything that could hurt her. But she was a patient teacher and I was a quick learner. Soon, she was already trembling in my arms too and I knew I had done it right.

I thought we were done with the best part, but I was wrong. After pressing one final kiss on my lips, Bela rested her head on my chest and said words I'd never forget.

"I love you."

#resident evil village #resident evil 8 #bela dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #bela x f!oc #bela x oc #resident evil fanfiction #the devil in i

[sweetestlamb]

Wake Me Up Inside(Chapter 2)

Summary: Hope is a flickering light, coming and going as it sees fit. 

Author's note: Y'all like this? Color me surprised I thought everyone had cast Sujin aside based on tumblr post honestly, expected maybe 3 people to read this. I'm happy so many are enjoying, thanks for coming along for the ride. If any talented individuals want to make me a header that would be great, anyway enjoy the teen angst. More awful parenting, beware. it hurts me to write this but random immediate romance doesn’t make sense to me so here we goooo. 

The world seems larger, everyone towers over her as they squeeze by jostling her tiny body, she twists and turns desperately searching for a familiar face and faltering when there is none. Just blurred faces with stretched out smiles that are horrifying grotesque, almost as if they were painted on by a deranged circus clown. She begins to run frantically racing away from the figures, who are now reaching out for her grabbing her arm and tugging at her pigtails. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out, bringing a trembling hand to her lips she finds them sewn shut, silencing her petrified screams.

Then a hand clutches at her elbow and she's spun around, suddenly staring into the face of evil.

"Where have you been you brat? Everyone was waiting for you."

She tries to tug free of his punishing grip but his fingers tighten on her tender flesh, marking the delicate skin. Ignoring her evident trepidation he forcefully pushes her towards a table, with a large looming birthday cake.

"Hurry up and blow out these candles, you're almost old enough to be useful to me."

Screaming no in her mind, she breaks free of his hold running as fast as her compact legs will take her but she miscalculates and trips over a stray toy, tumbling over the edge of a pool she hadn't noticed there earlier. The cold splash of the chlorine scented water on her skin shocks her in a panicked daze and when she pries her eyes open the menacing face of her father greets her looking nonplussed by her hectic drowning.

"Good riddance." He smirks sipping from his cup as he stalks away, no longer bothered with her. 

Water constructs her airway and she continues to sink to the bottom. Forgotten and discarded.

With a flash she bursts from her nightmare silent scream on her tongue, it's his presence that silences her cry. Wide feline eyes regard her from his crouched position, it takes a moment to realize that the rapid puffs of air filling the room are coming from her lips. She grips at the mattress beneath her, hopelessly pleading with her heart and lungs as her body quivers from the intensity of her dream.

"Are you okay? You looked like you were having a bad dream, I called your name a few times."

She's decidedly not any semblance of okay and has no concept of what that would entail for her but she finds herself nodding, lying as easily as she always does.

"I'm fine." Clipped and brisk despite the cold sweat on her skin, she's probably soaked through his shirt the collar almost plastered to red collar bones.

He doesn't reply further than pursing his lips and walking over to a dresser she'd hadn't noticed earlier.

"That lie would probably be more believable if you didn't look as if you were going to pass out at any second." She can hear his eyes rolling at her and it raises her heckles, she doesn't need anyone looking after her, she is fine on her own.

"I should go." She says curtly, forcing herself out of the dangerously warm bed to walk across the room and test her previously soaked pajamas. Damp, but they'll do.

"I thought you had nowhere to go." He challenges finally standing to his full height, subconsciously she flinches at the sudden movement and immediately he takes a step back pressing himself almost flush with the wall. Lowering his head until they are almost eye level. Shame washes over her do strongly she has to turn away, so pathetic.

Speaking to his bedpost she answers, "That was last night. I can go home now."

Her father will be at work until late into the evening, she just needs to lock herself in her room and she should be safe until school tomorrow.

He hums at her sounding closer than he did earlier, "You don't have to go. I'll find an excuse to give my mom, you can stay here."

No she can't. She knows what's going through his mind, probably the same thing that went through Suho's when he saw the blood on her lip for the first time, you poor little thing. Pity was always the first reaction but it never lasted, eventually pity shifted to annoyance nobody wanted to be friends with someone getting beaten. It was depressing, and uncomfortable to discuss and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. It was her penance for being born a girl and not being the best at least to make up for that disappointment.

"I'm not a stray puppy, you can't just pick me up off the street and expect me to stay. I told you, I'm fine." This time she says it harder, sharper with a bite that screams don't push me.

Unsurprisingly enough Han Seojun doesn't seem intimidated by her.

This time she gets to witness the eye roll as he approaches her but still keeps his head lowered as if deferring to her. "I already told you that I don't pity you, you need help stop pretending you don't."

But she's not pretending, that would imply that she wants others to help secretly. That just isn't accurate, she wants nothing- expects nothing. Her father pound any inkling of hope she had out a long time ago.

Stepping into his space, her eyes narrow as she bites out, "I don't need anything certainly not help from you. You're not a nice person, what am I your one good deed? Just mind your business."

She pointedly glances away at the flash of hurt that scatters across his expressive face.

She expects him to lash out, stretch to his full form and berate her, reprimand her ungrateful behavior and an even darker side of her almost expects him to slap her. I see why your father does that, you deserve it.

"Suit yourself."

That's all he says solemnly with a shrug before tossing more dry clothes at the bed and silently exiting the room.

She feels worse than she did before. Guilt gnawing at her, she ignores the offered clothes she doesn't deserve his hospitality or warmth. She disrobes and puts back on the damp chilled pajamas, that matches her better.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That's what he gets for trying to help someone, his act of kindness thrown back in his face. Angrily he pours the boiling water into the waiting cup, starting his mother's mandatory morning tea. He's so lost in the routine that he doesn't notice her presence until she clears her throat. His pride stops him from turning around, her words were as painful as a dagger.

"Your clothes are on the bed. I called a cab."

He nods without looking back, "Get home saf--" He cuts himself off, maybe he's overstepping again. So he just hums and stirs the now perfect cup of tea with a splash of milk. His sister's will get three sugars, she has such a sweet tooth.

The soft snap of the front door closing is loud in the silence of the morning, the sun has barely risen. His mother will be out in an hour, he was worried for nothing. Nobody will even know she was here. He can pretend this was all a fever dream and listen to her advice, he's never minded anyone else's business why did he decide to start now?

Lesson learned.

He spends the remainder of his weekend not thinking about the bruises on her face and instead plays video games, bullying Suho into playing Call of Duty with him online until the stupid genius starts to win too often and it's no longer stress reducing.

"Sore loser." He scoffs at the staticky insult through his headphones, draining the can of soda he took from the fridge. He should start dinner soon, his mom and sister will be back from shopping any minute.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." He can't help but roll his eyes at the lame response but he pushes on ignoring his brain shouting at him that this is the opposite of minding his business. He hardly listens to his brain, his gut is much stronger.

"Does Sujin have any siblings? Or does she like to box or anything like that? " He tries to make sense of the night, maybe it wasn't what he thought initially. From his memory Sujin comes from a very affluent respectable family, there's no way right?

"What? What kind of question is that?"

"Just answer me." He quips impatiently, ready to let go of this unwarranted worry that's been weighing on his heart.

After a long pause where he checks if his Wi-Fi disconnected he finally hears a response, "No. She lives with her mother and father, she's an only child. And I’ve never known her to do anything physical like that."

His chest tightens, not what he wanted to hear. Her flinch this morning flashes brightly in his memory. He wasn't mistaken. He's sure of it, she'd been scared. 

"Why?"

He can barely hear through the ringing in his ear, "Nothing. I have to go."

He signs off before the other boy can reply, walking autopilot to the kitchen to get started on dinner. Chopping vegetables does nothing to stop the nausea bubbling in his stomach.

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Taking the bus the next day is out of the question, he has spent the entire weekend wishing he had the nerve to get the girl's number but anyone he asked would misunderstand why and he didn't need anymore rumors circulating, he would just have to get it from her himself. If she wanted him to mind his business she shouldn't have collapsed where he could see.

The engine rumbles between his legs as he brings his motorcycle to a stop, swinging off effortlessly before tugging the helmet off and shaking his hair free. He doesn't notice the various lecherous female and male eyes watching his very moment, too focused on walking into the school and finding her.

Turning a corner he sees her instantly, sandwiched between her two best friends, they look like a high school brochure giggling as they walk down the hallway garnering the attention of most of the male population. The purple bruise on her cheek is missing, nothing but smooth blemish free skin. He almost does a double take. As all three of them pass him, he locks eyes with Sujin for a moment, the mask slides off for a second but the moment he blinks the façade snaps back into place, nothing left but a pretty empty smile.

He follows them into class, sliding into his seat and promptly going to sleep. He has to catch her alone.

Doing so proves to be a near impossible feat, she's always surrounded by her two bestie shadows and Chorong and the gang are never far from him either. He sighs forlornly even time he sees her only for someone to interrupt before he can approach her. All too frustrated.

He's sitting dejected on the staircase when he hears the bustle of students in the hallway, their voices carrying down the long space and he rolls his eyes imagining what ridiculous situation they've deemed as drama now. Last time it was Ju-Kyung having pimples, a topic that was completely groundbreaking and worthy of weeks of discussion. So it's with the smallest shred of curiosity that he stands up wandering over to the commotion.

"What's going on?" He directs to the closest person, some mousy looking girl who stutters out an indecipherable answer. He looks at her confused before stalking away to find someone who has a better grasp of communication. He poses the question again, to a boy this time.

"I heard one of the girls started freaking out in the bathroom. Screaming not to be touched."

He stands frozen before the words register in his brain and his feet are moving without his brain's permission. Shoving past gossiping bystanders, he easily gets to the front only to see Ju-Kyung covering someone with her sweater as they walk down the hallway. Immediately the crowd comes alive and they surge forward like a wave all calling questions out at once, "What's wrong with you?", "Why did you freak out?", "Who do you think you are? Are you too rich to be touched or something?"

He twists his head around ferociously at the last question, everyone in front of him gulps while taking a step back. The hallway is a cacophony of voices and shouts and he can feel his anger boiling, slamming his fist into the nearest surface-a wall- he gets everyone's attention.

"Go back to your classes. Now."

Some of the male students look as if they are going to challenge his authority but another step forward is all it takes to get the student body scampering to their classrooms.

Inhaling deeply he stomps off to find the source of his unease.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It had been hard to disregard, how lacking of warmth her house was. Seojun's apartment had been brimming with warmth and love, the fridge bursting with papers and drawings documenting that someone cared enough to show them off. Her home was a large empty prison in comparison.

But she'd been right, it was dark and quiet proof that her parents were not home. With her heart in her throat she ran to her room, locking the door behind her. Sleep captured her before she knew she was in its grasps, waking up groggy hours later and forgetting where she was. Fierce pounds on her door reminded her instantly.

"Open this door now."

His voice is a low growl, even more terrifying than when he's screaming his lungs out. She grabs her vanity chair pressing it under the door knob for more protection.

She jumps when the door bulges, the loud crashing making it clear that he's slamming bodily into the door now determined to get to her.

"Please....stop." She pleads, tears already cascading down her bruised cheeks.

"Open this fucking door!!"

She's sobbing now, body folded as she cries her eyes out shaking viciously as her father continues to ran into the door, dread filling her stomach as he's never fought this hard before.

Then everything is quiet.

The pounding is gone as suddenly as it arrived. She doesn't let go her panic just yet, still too raw. Butt seconds crawl to minutes and she hears nothing so she finally exhales, sliding to the floor in relief.

She weakly crawls to her bathroom, turning the dial to the hottest temperature possible wanting to burn off his brand on her skin. After her shower she brushes her wet hair, staring at the bruise, it's turning yellow now with tinges of purple. Good thing she let Su-ah and Ju-Kyung convince her to buy foundation the last time they were in the beauty store. She will have to layer it on tomorrow.

She's starving but the thought of leaving her room with him in the house is enough to eliminate her appetite. Instead she puts on a warm sweater and sweat pants and wraps herself in a thick blanket, still too cold ice running through her veins.

She had never felt as warm as she did at his house.

A quiet knock thankfully pulls her away from such unnecessary thoughts. She simply listens.

"Su-jin, it's mom. I brought you food."

She sits up, crawling out of bed to stand in front of the bed. Her mother has never brought her food, even when she was nine and hadn't gotten a perfect score on her spelling test and her father locked her in the closet for two days with only a dictionary. She'd contemplated eating the pages before she was finally set free. Her mother had simply looked away, avoiding eye contact until she was safely back in her room.

But her stomach grumbles at the mention of sustenance and despite her best judgement she opens the door.

It's a mistake.

Immediately she notes that her mother has nothing in her hands, trembling herself and before she can slam the door shut a foot blocks her escape.

He uses the belt that time whipping her in places that others will never see, her back, thighs, and shoulders. Her mother's weakly calls out, "Don't hit her face she has to meet that boy you wanted this week."

It goes on for what seems like hours, he leaves her crumpled on the ground her body stinging as she refused to cry, blinking her tears away not wanting to give him what he wants. When her mother meekly walks over and extends a hand to her, she looks at her with listless eyes. Her mother has a fresh bruise on her cheek, her father hardly hits her anymore using Sujin has his punching bag instead but at times of high frustration he would regress.

She wonders if her mother knew that one day this would be her faith. If this was the purpose of her birth.

She doesn't take the hand. It seems there was still some hope left, it is extinguished now.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The school day had been easy she's been hiding her abuse for years, no teacher had ever suspected a thing and she didn't even blame them. It would just be bothersome, her father was a powerful man there wouldn't be much they could do.

She slaps on a smile, allowing herself to be dragged around by Su-ah and Ju-Kyung, listening as they giggle about their boyfriends chiming in the appropriate moments to not seem disinterested or jealous. She is jealous though, of their freedom and innocent problems, she'd lost her innocence a long time ago.

She knows Seojun is trying to talk to her but she can't handle seeing him right now, having to face someone who knows what she's going through sounds worst than being beat right now. So she jolts at every sight of the tall lanky figure, thankful for his fan club who seems to announce his every arrival. She's on her way to having a successful day when everything goes to hell.

She's in the bathroom drying her hands when a classmate comes in, responding to the small talk she answers the girl's question before nodding her head in goodbye.

"Oh your tag is sticking out."

That's all she hears before a hand is brushing across her sore beaten neck and her reaction is instantaneous, she turns around catching the offending hand and twisting it.

Her throat wheezes out, "Don't touch me."

The girl stares at her wide-eyed before tugging her hand away, then other girls begin to come of the stalls to see what's happening and before she knows it she's hyperventilating on the ground, nonsensical words dripping off her tongue. Everything is too loud and her head is splitting in half just when her vision is graying out, she smells a familiar perfume.

"Su-jin ah, you're going to be okay. Just breathe with me, follow me."

Ju-Kyung's voice is calming and sure, not touching her but covering them both in her sweater as she models how to breathe, she follows until her lungs are no longer burning.

"Good. You're doing so good, is it okay if I touch you? I'm going to help you up."

She grabs at the bathroom wall yanking herself until she's upright, trying to show her friend that she's not that weak but a look of hurt is displayed on her face and Sujin doesn't comprehend why.

The other girl shakes it off though, now covering her fully with her cornflower yellow sweater.

She's suddenly reminded of her nightmare this morning as she has to pass all the students in the hallway, all pointing and laughing as she falls apart some of them even have their phone out recording her and she sways uneasily before catching herself, trembling the whole way she walks down the hallway until a loud bang and a voice she recognizes all too well silences the uproar.

Resisting the desire to look back she allows Ju-Kyung to pull her up the stairs until they're on the roof. Air pumps into her lungs as she's finally free of all the judgmental eyes.

She expects the other girl to start interrogating her the moment the door closes but it never comes, instead Ju-Kyung places her sweater around her trembling body.

"You're okay. Just keep breathing."

She does her best to follow the uncomplicated directions.

After a few minutes, Ju-Kyung's phone suddenly rings disturbing the quietude. She barely hears blood rushing in her ears like the waves at the beach.

"Okay we're on the roof."

She stills at that utterance, turning in alarm.

"Who was that? Who did you tell where we are?"

Ju-Kyung looks guilty, as if she wasn't meant to hear that conversation. She doesn't want to see anyone right now, can barely stand to be with herself.

"Call them back and tell them not to come. I want to be alone."

Ju-Kyung holds her phone in her hands gingerly staring at the screen, clearly contemplating what is the right decision. She almost lunges for the phone to see who is the most recent call, but it's not needed as the roof door slams open.

"Why are you here?" She shouts, walking away now furious that tears are already filling her eyes now just at the sight of him.

"Nice to see you too princess." He drawls back, following her further onto to roof.

"Will you two be okay? I have to go back to class."

She spins to glare at her friend, why would she leave her alone with Seojun? They have had any interaction at school that hasn't been antagonistic.

"Yes, we need to talk." He answers for them and that's enough to make Ju-Kyung nod before walking off with a smile in her direction. The door shuts loudly behind her retreating back, Sujin wants to chase after her. Instead she turns back to him spitting fire and poison. 

"I told you to mind your business."

"Are you okay?" He counters, eying her like a wild animal who can bolt at any minute, he isn’t wrong.

"That's none of your business!"

His expression remains the same, those beguiling feline eyes that scream at her.

"How hurt are you?"

Her emotions come crashing down again. He just keeps pushing and picking at her, no matter how much she shouts and shoves him away he just won’t go away like everyone else did. What is wrong with him? Couldn’t he see that she was more trouble than she was worth?

"What do you want to hear, huh? That everything hurts, that he used a belt this time! Do you want to hear about how he beat me until I bleed! Why do you care what happens me, why won't you leave me the fuck alone!"

Sobs ravage her body, she keeps brushing the fiery tears away fighting with her emotions but they won't stop and her palms are wet from covering her face, her breath is hitching until she starts hiccupping uncontrollably and she starts to feel light-headed.

"Hey! Su-jin! Breathe!"

But she can't, she doesn't remember how. Her body only knows how to hurt.

"Breathe, damnit!" Despite his shout, she hears the slight quiver in his voice but she can't discern why it's there but it desperately makes her want to obey.

When he cups her head, staring her head on she feels the vine wrapped around her lungs shrivel up and air starts gushing in until she feels dizzy, she sways back and forth gravity now also working against her and then she's being reeled in, her head placed on his chest. The thumping of his heart lulls her into a meditative state, she starts to count the beats and before she knows it the cobwebs in her head subside. Embarrassed by their sudden closeness, his arms are still by his side now almost immediately retracting from her head but she can feel his warmth radiating onto the skin of her thighs, she begins to draw back.

"Just stay. It's helping."

She blisters at his words, preparing to push him away.

"It's helping me, seeing you like that....it scared me. I helped you the other night, you should return the favor."

She puffs up before deflating, she'll never admit it but this is helping having something else to focus on, his scent, his heartbeat, the way his chest expands and constricts with every breath. The buzz of their skin nearly touching, his deep voice rumbling through his chest and into her ears, all placating and soothing her worries away. 

"Fine."

She's never known Seojun to stay still for this long after years of attending the same school, always bursting with kinetic energy so she's pleasantly surprised by how long he simply stands and lets her rest on his chest, neither of them saying a word.

She stiffens when he suddenly starts moving disturbing their stillness, she sees his hands balled into tight fists by his side and wonders what's going through his mind.

"You can't go back there."

This again, she starts to remind him that she has nowhere to g--

"Stay with me."

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #kang sujin #han seojun #the couple that should have been #timeline is around recent episodes just minus ALL of the bullshit #sujin is a good girl and I won't hear anything else #can't wait to make her smile

[lovemalecforever]

Chapter 19

Let me confine you in my arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let me confine you in my arms, Calming the violence of your storms, Absorbing it in the depth of my soul, Gathering you up and making you whole.

Holding you tightly when we get closer, Letting you cry over my shoulder, Gently caressing and kissing you in parts, Slowly mending your broken heart.

©scrawled_dreams

[A/N: I thought this poem fits perfectly for Malec in this story, so I posted it here. This is my original under the pen name scrawled_dreams.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The warm golden rays of sunlight fell over Alec's eyes through the crack of the curtains, making him stir in sleep. The room was dimly lit with the golden glow of the rays filtering into the room. The crystal particles of dust were dancing in mid-air.

Alec's eyelashes fluttered and he woke up, then quickly covered his eyes, blocking the bright rays reaching into his eyes. He stirred, then woke up properly, only then he noticed his legs were intertwined with his husband's, his arm lay protectively over his waist in a tight grip and he was big spooning his sweet warlock. He smiled and left feather-soft kisses on his shoulder and nape of the neck, making sure not to disturb his sleeping beauty. He smoothly untangled them, so as not to disturb his husband, stood up and left for the bathroom. When he came out, his husband was still sound asleep so he decided to make breakfast for them.

He left for the kitchen and quickly made a breakfast consisting of scrambled eggs with bacon, bread toast, two mini pancakes, a bowl of fruit, a glass of orange juice for Magnus, and strong black coffee for himself. He put everything on a tray then left for his bedroom.

When he opened the bedroom door he saw his husband turning and tossing around on the bed, his hands moving around on the empty sheets like he was trying to grab something and he was mumbling something in his sleep. He walked towards the bed, kept the tray on the side table, and sat on the bed. From up close he was able to listen to what his warlock was mumbling in his sleep.

"Al... Alexander.. don... don't leave me, please. I.. won't.. won't be.. able to.. live.. with.. without you. I.. I'm sorry, for... forgive me, don't... don't leave me." He kept mumbling the same thing again and again.

Alec's heart sank in his chest, his wings threatening to come out and wrap Magnus in it. He controlled the urge as it was not the right time for that. Instead, he sat beside him and started running his fingers through his hair in a soothing manner, caressing him gently and softly, and gave him a feather-light kiss on his temple and forehead. The warlock relaxed under his touch and rested his hand on his lap.

"Wake up, Magnus. I've made breakfast for you." He nudged him gently.

"Mm.. fi.. minit..." Alec chuckled at his adorableness.

"Wake up love. You can sleep later, I have the whole day with you today." He softly kissed him on the tip of the nose.

That's when Magnus' eyes shot up, making him fully awake. "Alexander?" He shifted and sat up on the bed. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his shadowhunter with a glint.

"Morning, love!" He tucked the locks of his messy hairs falling on his temples behind his ears and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

As soon as Alec's lips touched Magnus, the realization of the recent happenings dawned on him, and just like that, the glint in his eyes was gone. The guilt overpowering all his other emotions.

"Mags, what's wrong?"

"I.. Alexander... I.." He stuttered, looking anywhere but him.

"Magnus, if this is about whatever that heartless bloodsucking vampire did to you, you don't have to worry, okay. I'll understand if you don't want to tell me what happened or want to take your time, but just know that she'll never be able to cause a strain in our relationship. I love you, Magnus Lightwood Bane, nothing can change that." He caressed his cheeks and pecked him on the temple.

Magnus didn't know why, but the gentle touch and his reassuring words had made him relax like everything will be normal between them the way it used to be before that horrible day a month ago. He nodded and smiled. "I'm sorry, Alexander. I just, these three days were horrible without you. Please don't leave like that ever again, I... I know I'm being selfish, but I just can't, I love you, Alexander."

"Hey, I'm never leaving you again, Magnus. You can be selfish about that. Now, breakfast is waiting for you." He took the tray from the table and kept it between them. Magnus warmed the breakfast with the flick of his hands, earning a sweet kiss on his cheek from his husband.

"Perks of having a warlock husband." Alec grinned.

"Why don't you have work today?" Magnus asked with a mouthful of scrambled eggs and bacon.

"I do, I told Jia that I'll be working from home today, I wanted to spend time with my husband. I know I've been busy lately, and I wanted to make it up to you for that."

Magnus looked at his shadowhunter, guilt washing over him once again. 'How could I? How am I ever gonna tell you the truths, about thinking of breaking our marriage, about the fear of losing you, about my feelings, about.. about what happened with Camille? I can't lose you, never ever again.' he thought.

"Then I should be one hell of a lucky man! I got my man for a whole day to myself, what are we gonna do about it?" He asked playfully, pushing away his guilt, much to his own obliviousness that he had become an open book to his husband in the past five years.

"Let me guess, lots of cuddles and complete bed rest for you. And don't you dare think about anything else! You're not in perfect shape, so let me just take care of you today. Sounds like a plan?"

Magnus pouted but eventually agreed. He just wanted to be in his shadowhunter's arms, nothing more. They finished their breakfast in silence, stealing kisses in between or more like Alec showering his warlock with kisses and making up for his absence.

After breakfast, they cleaned the whole apartment together, then they both enjoyed a calming bubble bath, with Alec carefully cleaning and massaging the warlock, making him a jelly under his touch. After they were done, they changed into comfortable clothing and Alec carried his husband into bed bridal style, laying him gently on it. Then he took his Tab and sat on the bed on his side, doing his work from it. Magnus laid his head on his husband's lap and nuzzled into him, enjoying the soft touch of the shadowhunter's fingers through his wet hair and on his scalp. Not long after, he fell asleep on his lap.

Alec looked down at the warlock who was sleeping peacefully on his lap, his mind wandering to the possibilities of what he had gone through in his absence. He cursed himself for not being there for him, then leaned down and kissed him on top of his head, and went back to work.

______________________________

Magnus woke up to a delicious smell of food invading his senses. He blinked away his sleep and sat on the bed. That's when he realized that there was a large tray of food kept on the bed and his husband was nowhere to be seen. "Alexander?" He called softly.

"Coming!" He heard his voice, then soon Alec entered the room with a tray that had a large bowl in it. Magnus looked at him with confusion. "Chicken soup, for you."

Magnus looked at him then at the tray kept on the bed which had whole-wheat pita stuffed with diced chicken, black bean spread, spinach, and red peppers with minted brown rice. His heart melted to the highest degree. "Alexander, you don't have to do all this, I could have summoned-"

"Shut up and enjoy the food. You know I'm not gonna make all this again, right?"

Magnus looked at him with puppy eyes and pouted, he knew really well he gets the special treatment from his shadowhunter rarely and he always enjoyed it. Mostly they either ordered takeouts, summoned food, or Magnus was the one to make lunch and dinner.

Alec kissed his pouting husband, then kept the tray on the bed and started serving them both. Magnus crawled towards him and sat on his lap, literally. Alec sighed and shook his head.

"Feed me?" Magnus asked, or more precisely stated.

"Really Mags!"

"Pretty please." He looked at him with puppy eyes.

"You're impossible, love." He shook his head and kissed the tip of his nose.

They ate their lunch in comfortable silence with Alec feeding the grown-up child sitting on his lap. He wondered if he would ever be able to see this side of Magnus ever again. It was cute and annoying at the same time. They had eaten half of their lunch when Magnus's phone buzzed loudly, interrupting their cute moment.

"Ignore that!" Alec said sternly.

"That could be important, Alexander." He replied, chewing the mouthful of minted rice his husband fed him.

Just when Alec was about to reply, the phone buzzed again.

"Let me check it." He said as he stood up from his lap and went to the side table situated near his side of the bed on which his phone was kept. Just when he was about to pick up his phone, it buzzed again. He sighed then checked the messages, it was from an unknown number.

> Hey, love. Long time no see.

>I want to meet you, Magnus. I know you miss me.

>Meet me at the same club in Germany, I'm waiting for you.

Magnus gulped, his blood boiled reading the messages. 'How dare she!' he thought to himself.

"Magnus? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's a client, just a minute." He quickly typed back a reply.

To hell with you, Camille Belcourt. I don't care how you got my number. I'm not interested in meeting you, find yourself a new source for enjoyment, or rot in hell. I don't give a damn.<

>Oh, Magnus. I thought you enjoyed our last meeting. Too bad, I still want to meet you.

Go to hell, Camille. I'm not coming. Oh, sorry I forgot, you are the definition of hell.<

>You will, my love. Be here in ten minutes, or I'll feed on every mundane present in this bar and then convert them into a vampire.

You wouldn't.<

> You know me, Magnus. You know I will. Nine minutes remaining.

Magnus gulped, he knew if he wouldn't be there, she would feed on innocent mundanes, and there would be plenty of mundanes there. That bar was just like his Pandemonium, open for everyone. He waved his hands and quickly dressed.

"Magnus, what the hell? You're not going anywhere. Come back here right now." Alec stated when he saw him dressed up and ready to leave.

"Alexander, I'm sorry, but this is important. I need to be there."

"Magnus -"

"Alexander, I promise, I'll be fine, okay. I'll be back soon."

Alec sighed but nodded. Magnus quickly opened the portal and stepped into it.

__________________________________

Magnus stepped out of the portal in front of the bar. He quickly walked inside and scanned the bar. To his relief everyone was safe.

"Oh, my love. Always so protective and caring. Easy to lure to out, isn't it?" She came from behind and traced her fingers on his back and shoulders.

Magnus screwed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. "What do you want?" He asked coldly.

"Isn't that obvious, Magnus? I want you. I want us to be together again." She turned him towards herself and traced her pointed nails on his face.

Magnus shoved her hands away and looked at her with disgust. "It's never happening."

"You think that mortal will be able to keep you happy, huh? The moment he'll die, you'll come back running to me, like always. I'm your only true love, Magnus. I'll make you happy."

"Never. Happening." He spat.

That offended her, but she didn't let it show. Instead, she looked at him directly in the eyes. The pupils of her eyes became larger and wider, nearly touching the base of the iris, and the color became darker. "You know you want me, Magnus. You love me and only me. You want to explore every part of my body. Touch me everywhere. Touch me, Magnus. Kiss me."

"I... I want you." His lips moved automatically. His hands snaked around her waist against his will and held her tightly. He didn't want to do any of it, but his body wasn't listening to him.

She smiled maliciously between the kisses. Her hands rubbed against his chest, slowly undoing his jacket and opening his shirt's button.

Magnus felt disgusted. It felt really wrong but he was not in control of his body. They were working on their own accord. He wasn't able to stop himself and whatever was happening was getting more heated. He felt tears forming in the back of his eyes. Then something rang in his brain. 'I love you Magnus Lightwood Bane.'  the voice, his shadowhunter's voice. 'I am and will always be your loving husband.'  This time he was able to focus on his powers, he centered it on his hands and sent a huge shockwave in her body.

As soon as Camille felt the shockwave, she jumped and removed herself from his grasp, having a look of pure vengeance on her face.

"The hell, Camille Belcourt!? You encanto'd me. How low could you go?" His voice was dripping with hatred.

"How were you able to break it? You-"

Before she could complete it, Magnus put a freezing spell on her and ran out of the bar. He quickly opened the portal and ran into it before the spell wore off and Camille followed him.

_________________________________

The portal opened up in his bedroom, and he ran out of it. He almost stumbled and was about to fall when a strong pair of arms caught him.

"Magnus! Are you okay? What happened?" Alec looked at his husband with wide eyes. His jacket was almost falling off, a few of the shirt's buttons were undone, his hair was slightly messy and he had tears in his eyes.

"Mags? What happened?"

Before Magnus could answer, they heard a low whistling of windows from their living room.

"What was that?"

"Probably the wind. You didn't answer? What happened? Are you alright?" He quickly changed the subject. From the corner of his eyes, he saw an emerald blue blur vanishing into the clouds and sighed with relief.

"A.. I.." He looked everywhere but his husband. This was too much for him to keep to himself. He cursed himself for falling for her trap.

Alec cupped his cheeks and rubbed his thumbs gently below his eyes. "Mags." He said softly.

"A.. I.. Alexander, it.. it was Camille."

Alec's eyes widened at that. "What? Magnus why-"

"Th... the client, she was encanto'd. Camille was there already when I reached there. She.. she encanto'd me too, and.. and... I.. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He couldn't keep it inside anymore, he fell in his shadowhunter's arms and started crying uncontrollably.

Alec took in his husband's state and the realization hit him. He seethed with anger and swore to himself that she'd pay for her doings.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Alexander. Fo... forgive me. I.. I'm sorry." He managed to say between the sobs.

Alec held him tightly in his arms. "Shh, shh, it's okay, love, it's okay. You have nothing to apologize for. You didn't do anything. I'm not even mad at you. Don't say sorry for something you couldn't control. You said yourself she encanto'd you. Don't blame yourself, love." He kept holding him until his tears dried down, then left feather-soft kisses on his eyelids.

When Magnus fluttered his bloodshot eyes open and looked at his husband, he saw only pure love in his eyes. 'What have I done to deserve you? How am I ever gonna tell you the truth?' he thought to himself.

"You're not mad at me? If I'd never left, this could have been avoided. You told me to stay but I..." He trailed off and sniffed.

"Magnus, I'm not mad and don't think like that, okay? You didn't know. Let's not discuss this anymore. Hmm?"

"Okay." He whispered softly.

For the rest of the day, Magnus spent clinging to his shadowhunter for dear life. He was far too gone to pretend to be strong and resilient. They ordered takeout for dinner, this time Magnus didn't need to ask to be fed, Alec did it himself. He then carried his warlock to the bedroom in bridal style and changed him into his burgundy silk robe, then put him on the bed and wrapped himself around his warlock.

"Why do you love me so much, Alexander?" He whispered to himself, but to his dismay, his husband heard him.

"What kind of question is that, love?"

"What? I.. you.. heard it?"

"Hey." He rubbed his nose gently against his neck then kissed him softly at the nape of his neck. "Yes, I heard it. And to answer your question, I love you so much because you're wise, you're generous, you're brave, you're incredible, there's always a spark in you which lights up everything around you, you always manage to take my breath away, you always manage to make my heart beat faster, you always manage to make me love myself when I'm at my weakest, you always care for others like your own, you have the purest heart. You're the best thing that happened to me, Magnus Lightwood Bane. I can list a thousand more things if you want." He left feather-light kisses on his shoulder with each thing he said then finally he kissed him on top of his head.

A soft smile played on Magnus' lips listening to his husband's words. "I'm speechless, Alexander. Thank you."

"Sleep now, love. You need it. I love you."

"Love you too."

With that they drifted off to sleep, Alec's arms protectively wrapped around his husband, holding him in a tight yet gentle embrace.

#asaab #angst with a happy ending #angst #fanfic authors #alec lightwood #fanfiction #lightwood bane family #malec forever #malec fic #fantasy #fanfic #happily married #magnus bane #malec

[ambersky0319]

Dumb idea from a tired Rayne: Logan, who doesn't want to date Roman, keeps telling him "___ and then maybe I'll date you" so later you have Roman looking practically like a fucking clown as he tries to recite Shakespeare in full garbwhile also trying to speak in a perfect accents with the mind palace looking like a galaxy, only for Roman to find out after while he was practicing his brother and Deceit asked Logan out and he said yes, and he tried to tell Roman but he refused to listen.

This doesn’t have a happy ending, but it’s also not a bad ending?

Ships : One-sided Logince, Platonic Logince, Romantic Intruloceit

Warnings : Leading people on, miscommunication, let me know if there's anything else that I should add!

Masterpost 

----------------------------------------

It wasn't that Logan didn't like Roman. He did, in complete honesty, Logan loved spending time with Roman, he loved being Roman's friend. But that's where it ended.

Being Roman's friend.

So when Roman confessed that he had feelings for Logan, he didn't know what to do. How do you reject someone, and then say it's because he just got into a relationship with said someone's brother and his partner?

But that's the thing. Logan tried to say that. But every time he got near the answer 'no' Roman would fall into another round of rambling that lasted anywhere between five to twenty minutes. It got to the point that Logan just... Gave up on trying to outright reject him.

Instead, he started giving Roman impossible tasks to do.

He didn't expect it to backfire so terribly on him though.

Logan sighed loudly as he collapsed onto the couch within the dark commons, right by Deceit who set his book down to console his annoyed boyfriend. Remus was nowhere to be found, probably in the Imagination. Logan just wished he could cuddle them both right now, that would surely cheer him up.

Deceit gently pulled him into his arms, pressing soft kisses to his temple as he started to massage Logan, slowly drawing circles on his back. Logan made a soft, strangled noise as he curled closer to Deceit.

"What's happened now?" Deceit hummed. He and Remus knew of Logan's predicament, and both knowing how well Roman took rejection, weren't able to give Logan any ideas on how to tell Roman that he wasn't interested, not without letting their own relationship slip.

"He- He actually learned Latin and performed not five, but ten original poems! And! He actually changed his sash to that awful gray that he hates!" Logan let his head fall into Deceit's neck, huffing and shaking his head.

"I told him that he needs to perform an entire Shakespeare play all by himself looking like Pennywise using time-accurate accents and in garb and that the entire mind palace must look like a galaxy."

Deceit began threading his fingers through Logan's hair. "What are you going to do if he actually succeeds in this one?"

"Honestly?" Deceit hummed in confirmation. "I have no fucking clue."

Silence filled the dark commons for a long while. Logan was far less tense now but refused to move out of Deceit's lap. Not that Deceit minded. But then Deceit broke the comforting quiet.

"Remus and I were talking earlier, about maybe to put a stop to this we just... All come out."

Logan shifted only slightly, frowning against Deceit's neck. "I thought that's what we were trying to avoid?"

"Well, we've been dating for what, four months now? And Roman has been doing this for about three. No matter how the others react, we'll stay together, and Roman can work on moving on and accepting that you aren't interested." Deceit continued to run his fingers through Logan's hair, no knots remained but he knew it was helping Logan relax. "We're ready to come out. If you aren't though, that's fine, and Remus and I can always help you come up with something-"

Before Deceit could finish, there was a crash as the Imagination door slammed open, and Remus came stumbling down the stairs cursing up a storm.

"Remus?" Logan asked hesitantly when Remus started to tug at his hair and pace. Remus barely glanced at them.

"I fucked up, guys I fucked up royally- Roman's pissed, he's so incredibly pissed oh my god, guys-"

"Hey, hey, Remus," Logan shifted out of Deceit's arms a bit for the first time in quite a while. "Come sit down, and maybe explain what happened?"

Remus did, settling down on Deceit's other side and welcoming the embrace from both Logan and Deceit. He then went on to explain how Roman had unconsciously wandered into Remus's part of the Imagination, where Remus had been talking with Hope about Deceit and Logan, getting suggestions from Hope on how to handle the situation if Logan didn't want to tell anyone yet. He described how Roman now knew that they were all together, and how he looked so incredibly heartbroken but also so pissed, and Remus wasn't able to tell if it was at Remus and Deceit, or Logan.

Once he was done, Logan groaned loudly, head falling back to hide in Deceit's shoulder. He said something, but it was muffled by Deceit's shirt. Remus clung to Logan, burrowing his face in Logan's hair. "Maybe we can just give Roman amnesia, y'know, and no one will know!"

"I don't think giving your brother a concussion is a good idea, Remus."

"At least it's an idea!"

Logan shook his head, taking a deep breath. "No, I'm going to have to talk with him. But... but I think I'll talk to Roman tomorrow. Hopefully he'll be willing to listen, I doubt he will be right now."

"You sure, Lo?"

Logan nodded, moving so he could press a light kiss to Remus's cheek. "I just really want to spend time with you both. And maybe this'll be safer."

"Alright..."

-

The next morning, Logan rose up in front of Roman's room. It was too early for Patton or Virgil to be awake, but Roman often got up around the same time as Logan. He knocked lightly on the door, and it took a minute and Logan was just about to knock again when he heard a lock click and the door slowly opened. Logan bit his lip as he felt his heart figuratively break at the sight before him, Roman with irritated eyes and hair so tangled one brush would never be able to help tame it. He looked so pale, too, and he wobbled slightly in place as he processed just who was at his door.

When it finally caught up to him that it was Logan, Roman attempted to shut the door. But Logan stuck his foot out to stop it. "We really need to talk-"

"I don't want to see you, Logan."

"Please, Roman?"

". . ."

"I just want to explain things. You don't need to actually respond, but you need to hear me out. And then, if you no longer want to be friends, then I'll just leave you alone from now on. I won't even take long, I just need five minutes."

Roman hesitated, before sighing in defeat and he sulked back into his room, letting Logan enter. He sat on the bed and just stared at Logan. "Five minutes. Go."

Logan took a deep breath. "First, I wanted to apologize. It was wrong of me to lead you on like I did, getting your hopes up that I might reciprocate your feelings when in fact I wasn't only not interested, but was seeing other sides.

"Next, the only reason why I kept doing that is because any time I tried to tell you no, or that I wasn't interested, you would cut me off, or refuse to listen. I tried each and every time to get you to listen and I failed, so I gave you more and more ridiculous tasks thinking you would eventually give up. And then you didn't. And I just had no idea what to do, because I still wanted to be frends, I love being friends with you, but I don't like you how you like me and I just- I'm um, I'm just really sorry, Roman."

Logan held his breath as he watched Roman for any reaction, holding Roman's gaze. Roman took in a shuddering breath, before glancing to the side, frown tugging at his lips.

"And you were with my brother and Deceit the entire time...?"

"... Yes."

Roman closed his eyes for a moment, processing everything that Logan had said. When it seemed that he finally did, he exhaled slowly, still not looking at Logan.

"I'm still mad, Logan, I'm still hurt. But... But I don't want to not have you in my life. I still want you around. It wouldn't be the same with you gone- and I- fuck, Logan, I'm sorry for not listening... I should have, this all could've been avoided." Roman held his head in his hands. "Just... can, can we come back to this in a few days?"

Logan nodded hastily. Roman glanced at him for a moment before looking back down at the floor. "I'll see you later, Logan."

Logan hugged himself as he left Roman's room, summoning a water bottle for him before he left. God, this wasn't how he wanted things to turn out...

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