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#idek how to tag these anymore lmao

starlightkun · 1 year

Text

the golden fruit duology ❧ jaemin [masterlist]

❧ series word count: 32.0k

❧ warnings (vary by part): it wouldn’t be a starlightkun fic without some cursing!, mentions of death/dead people but like in the context of him being hades, probably more legal jargon than there should be but i tried to make it as easy to understand as possible i promise (and if you can’t understand some of it, it’s probably not plot-relevant anyway), oh there’s a short scene with a weirdly graphic depiction of eating fruit à la denethor and the tomato in return of the king (iykyk) sorry if that gives you the ick, it gets pretty existential at some points but never overtly angsty

❧ genre: fluff, greek gods/goddesses au, hades jaemin, human reader, it’s another nades au but this time two years late to the trend!, paralegal reader, bit of a ham-fisted persephone allegory, inspired by the gods/goddesses assigned to the work it unit in 2020 for this video, with appearances by aphrodite johnny, bestie jeno, coworkers kun and sicheng, and galactic-threat level menace yangyang

❧ author’s note: omg hiiii i’m back! anyway, enjoy this fun little nades au i’ve prepared for y’all w all the love in my heart! not super accurate to the original greek myths, i was just having fun with hades as a concept rather than a strict characterization. i also watched mike flanagan’s ‘midnight mass’ and read john milton’s ‘paradise lost’ during the time i was writing this so get ready for some slight spiritual/religious iconography and overtones

❧ spotify playlist

⤷ obsidian black ⤷ pomegranate red

I like to feel your muscles taut and relax, the sinews that bind them pull and release, your blood pump through your veins. I like knowing that all that you are, has miraculously come together and is here, with me.

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deus-ex-mona · 2 years

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this is just a very questionable shin jidai english tl

sorry~

Throw a punch for a one-hit Kill

Let’s bid farewell to the old era

We’ve defeated it for good

We’ll make a declaration here and now

It’s time to raise the curtains on a new era

Let’s raise a ruckus

How long are you gonna remain here? You’re such a burden

Isn’t it about time for you to leave?

Even though you glare at me for my bad manners

I’m sick and tired of your outdated rules

I don’t need your boring instructions

Who cares about expectations? I’ll just fight head-on

Don’t make light of my abilities

Even a fallen mic onstage still counts as a drop

We’ll sing till our throats completely burn dry

We’ll dance till our bodies collapse

The current era has gone stale and we’re longing for more

So let’s fight it out the moment our eyes meet

Throw a punch for a one-hit Kill

Let’s bid farewell to the old era

We’ve defeated it for good

We’ll make a declaration here and now

It’s time to raise the curtains on a new era

Let’s raise a ruckus

Competing and clashing with each other for all eternity

Keeping our distance from each other

Affirming that we’re necessary to each other

Entrusting our lives to each other, we live on

You’ve been cast out of the leading role

You’ll never be able to erase your loss from your memory

Feeling sympathy for you, as you ran away tearfully,

I should’ve apologised with a “sorry” before you got hurt

I turned down your challenge for a fight,

I’d only be seen as a villain if I clashed with you in your victimised state

Don’t show me this side of you

I’ll be sure to forget it all by tomorrow. bye bye

There is nothing that cannot be broken

There is nothing that we cannot achieve

There will definitely be a future for us

So let’s fight it out the moment our eyes meet

Fire a bullet for the Kill

A single hit to your vitals spells the end

We’ve defeated you for good

Let’s show the new generation

A gamble of life and death

Checkmate

Hurry up and realise that you’re no match for us, that you’re way too weak for us

You don’t even have the right to speak to us

We’re the only special ones around

Too bad for you, just give up already

Can you hear us?

Are you wavering?

Are you feeling joy all the way down into your cells?

We’ll transmit it to you through your skin

Empty your thoughts and just feel it

It’s the birth of a legend

We’re passing the torch to you

You can’t move forward if you keep grieving forever

Just abandon your fate

Having accumulated things like feelings of pity,

We will

Throw a punch for a one-hit Kill

Let’s bid farewell to the old era

We’ve defeated it for good

We’ll make a declaration here and now

It’s time to raise the curtains on a new era

Let’s raise a ruckus

Competing and clashing with each other for all eternity

Keeping our distance from each other

Affirming that we’re necessary to each other

Entrusting our lives to each other, we live on

Let’s sing

Let’s dance

With this song

We’ll defeat it all

#a better translation is here yay!!!!!!!!! yeeting this from the main tags go—#but yeah please (still) don’t reupload/repost this nonsense anywhere!! i’m just leaving it up for ✨posterity✨#well. um. looks like it was videoified anyway. lmao. so ig you can go check it out on yt if you wanna see who sings which part?#ngl i didn’t put the ‘who sings which part’ thing bc i can’t tell the voices apart i’m sorry—#please take this with a hugeeeeee handful of salt and tears thankssss #please correct me where necessary i have no idea how languages work anymore _(:3 」∠)_#fedora translations4 #i used ‘defeat for good’ instead of that ‘we’ll sink ‘em’ or sth in the original bc lol #it’s 4am and i had like 2.5 hours of sleep from yesterday and idek why i even did this lmao #no clue how tf mobile is gonna format it so yolooooooooo #this is why i don’t tl songs lmao. if it sounds good it’s good enough for me—

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object-show-headcanons · 2 years

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Tara meeting taco

U pick how Tara reacts

Tara is really sheltered

OHGOD

I am so bad at writing characterjsgdjdgh

I guess just after learning abt what all she did she would just completely break

"Why?"

Considering that she has known nothing but life o'er at the mecloud (saying this cause she is sheltered) I just think that seeing taco living her own life by her own rules will just break her in some way

She's gonna be angry

She's gonna be jealous.

I feel like they would have a fight which just like turns into a spar (that's the best way I can describe itmddjdhd)

After that I don't wanna say she joins taco (she still knows abt what all she did) but I would say that she understands her more and just lets her be in the forest

She pays visits from time to time

#I wanna design tara so baddd #gonna have to tag the tara saga w/ something completely different now cause like we have like introduced a whole character into this show-#-and idek how the people not in on this will react to this #uh #y'know what fuck it let' just call this the tara chronicals #will go back and retag things later #do I even tag ii anymore idk #I don't wanna flood the tags das why i'm so hesitant #anyway #headcanon #ask #tara chronicles #just realized I misspelled it in the earlier tag lmao

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meo-on-prairie · 8 months

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No Body, No Crime

Satosugu x reader

Prompt: You know in your soul that he did it, but there are no ways for you to prove a feeling. But you can play this game he started, and you won’t give up until the day he dies.

Words count: 6.3k

Tags: Satosugu x reader established, Fluff, angst, murder, Slightly suggestive, crime. TW: death, murder, dismemberment, disturbing actions, infidelity, manipulation, and revenge mdni.

Rambling: I was on the verge of tears when I finished this fic, idek if I like it anymore lmao, so if you don't like it, idk what to tell you lmao. I honestly don’t know what to tag this fic as. Just like beware that it’s inspired by: “no body, no crime” by Taylor Swift (of course), The Glory K-drama, and the countless murder podcast I listen to while driving. I hope yall enjoy.

/////////

Odd. Shoko is late, 2 hours late to be exact. She’s not exactly the most punctual person you know but she has never been this late. Especially not on the monthly dinner with you, Suguru, and Satoru. After graduating college together, the 4 of you have made a point to have dinner together at least once a month.

This monthly dinner is something none of you would ever miss. All of you have been making it work for years, through the career changes, through your shitty ex-relationship, through the time when you were confused about how you feel toward Satoru and Suguru. Even after Shoko decided to get married to this Neonatologist named Andrew she met at the hospital she works at, the 4 of you still keep up the routine.

The three of you took turns calling her the past 2 hours and nothing. Straight to voicemail. Not even a text saying she can’t make it today and to reschedule. Odd. you can’t get rid of this nauseating feeling in your stomach.

“Let’s go” you stand up abruptly and begin to walk out of the restaurant toward the parking lot.

“Where are we going?” Satoru asked. Both him and Suguru hurried after you. Satoru unlocked the car, and Suguru opened the door for you to get in. Ever since you joined the relationship, they made a point to never let you drive or touch the car door, ‘you’re our treasure, you will be treated like one’.

“I want to drop by Shoko’s place, maybe she’s got tired from her night shift and overslept or something, I don't know, I just want to make sure nothing is wrong.” You’re panicking, they can see that. During college, if Satoru and Suguru were attached by the hips, you and Shoko were never one without the other. You can’t simply just shake off this anxiety you feel when it comes to your best friend.

They nodded and got into the front seats. They don’t question you. They know how much Shoko means to you, not to mention she’s their friend too. Satoru drives the three of you to Shoko’s place while Suguru tries to calm your anxiety.

“It’s okay, Sweet. You’re probably right about her being deep asleep due to her night shift. She seems pretty stressed and tired lately from her text.” Suguru reasoned.

Satoru gives a slight nod and adds, “Her phone could be dead, and she missed the alarm that would wake her up for our dinner”.

“Yeah… I hope you’re right.” You feel slightly better from the reasonable and likely scenarios they proposed. Still, it couldn't get rid of this sinking feeling you feel in your stomach..

After a short drive, you three reach Shoko’s house. You notice that her husband's truck is in front of the driveway, the tires are brand new, it looks like he just got them replaced today. Odd. Very rarely do people replace all their tires at once. You chalk it up to just coincidence. You walk toward her door and ring the doorbell, Andrew answers the door.

“Hey man, is Shoko home? She was supposed to meet us for dinner around 2 hours ago.” Satoru greeted

“No. She’s not home. I don't know where she is.” Andrew answered abruptly.

“Well, did something happen? Did some emergency come up with her family? She’s your wife, out of everyone she would at least tell you where she is.” Suguru pressed him for more information. It doesn’t make sense for him to not know where his wife is at this hour.

“I told you! I don’t know where she is! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a night shift to get ready for.” With that, Andrew slammed the door to your faces.

Odd. He sounded agitated, and anxious. Like he’s trying to hide something… deny something. Your whole body is shaken in fear with the thoughts of the worst. Nothing makes sense. Shoko would never just vanish without telling anyone. She literally messaged the group chat yesterday saying she’ll see you three at dinner and she has something to tell you all. Nothing makes sense.

Satoru noticed how pale your face had gone and immediately pulled you in for a hug, “It’s going to be okay, Love. She’s going to be okay. We’ll wait till tomorrow and see if she’ll contact us. Then we’ll figure out what to do from there okay?” he said in a hush tone.

“Everything is going to be okay, Sweet. We’ll figure it out together.” Suguru gives your temple a long kiss as he runs his hand up and down your back in a soothing motion.

The three of you drove home in silence. You didn’t dare to leave your phone for one second, you went to sleep with your phone unmuted. Suguru and Satoru make sure at least one of them is by your side at all times. They worry about Shoko too, but they know you need them to be there and keep you grounded. They make sure to hold you extra close that night, you fall asleep in their comforting arms, hoping for the best, but the sinking feeling makes you expect the worst.

/////////

The worst did come. At 6AM, 2 days since you last heard from Shoko, you were woken up by the loud banging on your door.

You groggily lift up the two arms that’s trapping you in bed, then reposition their arm so your boyfriends can cuddle each other instead, you gently close the bedroom door behind you. You walk toward the front door, silently cursing whoever knocked on your door at this crack of dawn hour. When you opened the door, your heart dropped to your stomach.

“Good morning. We recently got a missing person report on Miss Shoko from her husband. Is it okay if we come in to ask you a few questions that could be helpful toward our investigation?” One of the two police officers standing outside your door politely requested.

“Yes…” you answer barely above a whisper, open the door wider for the officers to come in, you call out for Satoru and Suguru for them to wake up and come down to the living room. You lead the officers toward the living room and invite them to sit while you get them water and wait for your boyfriends to come down.

You don't remember much after that. It felt as if time had stopped and the world was crumbling apart. Satoru and Suguru answer the majority of the question, you seem to only be able to answer in ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when the officers specifically address you. You were on autopilot. Your best friend, missing without a trace. Not a single hint on whether she’s dead or alive.

You closed the door after the officers. The moment you hear the ‘click’ of the lock, your legs give out and tears begin to fall from your eyes. You sob uncontrollably, gasping for air. Your shoulders shake violently. This can’t be real. No. you refuse to believe this is reality. Shoko, the person you just talked to on the phone 2 days ago, vanished completely leaving no trace behind.

Satoru and Suguru immediately rush to your side, they wrap their arms around you and hold you tight. They place soft kisses all over you and rub your back in a soothing motion.

“I promise you, Sweet. I’ll make sure to find her for us, okay?” Suguru whispered. Never in a million years did Suguru think he would ever have to find his own missing friend as a detective.

You, Satoru, and Suguru sat there, right in front of the door for hours. Just sitting in each other's embrace and comfort as you three mourn your friend, who you do not know is dead or alive.

/////////

After crying to the point your body can no longer produce anymore tears. You get started on breakfast. Well, not you, you’re too out of it for anything, Suguru is the one cooking, you tried to set up the table but Satoru just guide you to the table and told you to not worry about it.

With nothing to do, you decide to scroll through old messages between you and Shoko. Most of them are about how useless her husband is.

“He can’t even wash the dishes that he used! He ate from them, and then just left them in the sink!”

“This fucker think the laundry magically fold itself! Oh god I want to kill him...” this one makes you giggle a little.

“He said he’s going to work but the nurse just called me cuz they couldn’t reach him and there’s a car accident with a baby in it, where the fuck is he?”

“I just found a big purchase for an expensive bracelet, a month ago in our joint account, he said he thought I bought it. lol maybe he’s cheating on me.” This one caught your attention. It was from 3 weeks ago, you thought Shoko was just joking, you didn’t think too much of it since Shoko said it so casually, unlike the other times she vented about her husband.

No. No. No. No. It can’t be. But the brand new tires, 4 of them, his attitude and response, this message that Shoko sent to you. God, you feel like throwing up.

“He did it…” you breathe out

“What was that, Love?”

“He did it! Andrew killed her! He killed Shoko!” you scream out, throwing your phone across the table so they can see the text message.

“I know he did it! All 4 of his tires are brand new and his attitude when we ask where she was and- and this text from Shoko, he killed her!” Your speech becomes frantic as you explain your reasoning. You rest your head on your hands, trying to just process it all.

Satoru’s eyes widen as they read Shoko’s text. He did it. Satoru feels his stomach sinking as he connects the dots. Everything is as you say, it all points to Shoko’s husband as the culprit. Andrew killed Shoko.

“But we have no proof, until we can find evidence or Shoko’s body, he is innocent” Suguru pointed out. Coming around to the table with the french toasts he was making for breakfast. He placed 2 on your plate. You push your plate away, not feeling like eating with everything you have to take in. Suguru grabs your hand and places a kiss on your finger to make you look at him.

“Sweet, you need to eat, at least half, you’ll only feel worse if you don’t eat. We’ll think about this some more after breakfast okay?” Suguru tries to reason with you. He understands how distress you're feeling right now. He looks over at Satoru, his boyfriend's grip on your phone is making his hand turn white.

Suguru walks over to Satoru, he wraps his arm around Satoru, hugging him tightly from behind to snap him out of it, he then takes your phone away from Satoru’s hand. “You too, ‘Toru, let’s eat first, we’ll figure out what to do after, okay?”

If you and Satoru didn’t know Suguru like part of your soul, you would mistake his calmness for indifference. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth, Suguru is like the calm before the storm, you won’t notice his anger until after it’s all said and done.

You three eat in silence. Suguru is an amazing cook, the french toasts are far from being mediocre. Yet, none of you seem to find the appetite to eat with all the information you need to process.

After breakfast, you tell the boys you’ll clean up and wash the dishes since they cook and set up. Though they agree to not argue with you about it, they end up helping you with washing the dishes anyway.

“What do you want to do, Sweet?” Suguru decided to be the one to talk about the issues that have been weighing yours and their minds.

“I’m not sure, Suguru. There is nothing I can do but hope that they'll be able to find some evidence, or at least her whereabouts.” you said softly, defeatedly. There is truly nothing you can do in this situation.

“Alright then, I’ll ask my boss to put me on the case. Just like I promised you.” Suguru smiled at you.

You feel a pair of arms snake around your torso. Satoru gave Suguru a peck on the lips then rested his head on your shoulder, “We’ll find her, Love. We’ll use whatever means we have and find her.”

You can’t help but smile at their words. Sometimes you ask yourself how you are so lucky to find 2 of your soulmates. You’re so incredibly lucky to be able to love and be loved by them. They make the fickleness of life much easier to navigate. Despite your storm of emotions due to Shoko’s disappearance, you find yourself still able to let go and feel grounded around them. They’re your rocks. You trust their words. You trust them.

/////////

Everything is easier said than done. It has been 6 months since Shoko’s disappearance. Suguru did become head detective of the case just like he promised, but every lead he got resulted in a deadend. At this point the case is considered cold, but Suguru refuses to let it go and continues to investigate by himself. Satoru used his company’s along with his own influence to get the case into headlines in the media, in hope that someone would be able to give Suguru more intel to work with. Satoru even hired someone to spy on Andrew and report back to him once a week.

But with all the walls you've been facing, you’re starting to gaslight yourself into thinking that Andrew is actually innocent, and your intuition is just plain wrong. That is, until the spy on Andrew sent Satoru the weekly report while the three of you were cuddling on the couch watching Barbie.

When Satoru’s phone rings, you don't bother pausing the movie, thinking it’s just gonna be mundane like the other reports the past 6 months. Satoru got up to grab his phone along with some water from the kitchen. His knuckles turn white when he sees what the spy sent him.

“Suguru, Love, you guys need to see this.” Satoru calls out to you two with gritted teeth.

You pause the movie and quickly go to the kitchen, Suguru following you.

“What’s wrong?” Suguru before you could.

“The rat bastard actually brought home his mistress.” Satoru hands you the phone, he’s fuming now, his other hand balled up tightly. Suguru immediately notices and takes Satoru’s hand, holding onto it so Satoru won’t dig his nails into his palm and hurt himself.

You look at the pictures on Satoru’s phone. Andrew holding hands with the mistress. Them carrying boxes from his truck. Her wearing Shoko’s favorite designer dress, a silver bracelet on her left hand. They were going out for dinner. Bastards.

You can feel your gut burn, your heart aching, and tears of anger threaten to spill from your eyes. Suguru’s face is grim, his hand squeezing Satoru just as hard as Satoru squeezing his. All the 3 of you can see is red. Boiling pit of lava in your stomachs. This nuclear waste of a human, not only killed your best friend, but brought his mistress into the house that your best friend bought, let his mistress wear your best friend’s favorite dress, and slept with his mistress in your best friend’s bed.

“I’m going to kill him.” Satoru said with conviction.

“No.” Your tone is scarily calm, “simply killing him won’t be enough.”

Suguru grabs your hand without letting go of Satoru’s hand, brings it to his lips and places a gentle kiss. “What are you thinking, Sweet? We’re ready to be your executioner.”

Satoru nodded in agreement. The red in their eyes can’t be missed. They’re just as furious as you are.

Looking into their resolute gazes, you pulled both Satoru and Suguru into an embrace. They return your feelings by wrapping their arms around you. You always know this, but now more than ever, you truly believe that even if the entire world were to condemn you, these two would burn the world down for you; and so would you for them.

You all know in your souls that he did it, but there are no ways for you to prove a feeling. But you can play this game he started, and you won’t give up until the day he dies. Together with your executioners, You will make the two rats pay for their action.

/////////

Good thing your boyfriend, Gojo Satoru, is filthy rich. The private spy he hired gives you a lot of information about the mistress. Her name is Maruka, she’s 10 years younger than Andrew, clearly a sugar-baby. She used to work as a cosmetologist but quitted around 3 months ago. From the words of the people that used to be in her life, her biggest love is money. They can’t fault her for it though, she was one of those orphan kids that was passed around in the foster system, she grew up with her whole life stuffed inside a single garbage bag.

You pitied her life for a bit. Thinking maybe she’s just an innocent bystander that also got rope into Andrew’s scheme. Unfortunately, giving people the benefit of the doubt hasn't been working out for you lately.

You first interact with her at the luxury spa she often frequent after moving in with Andrew. You have the spy let you know when she’s going to the spa so you can join and strike up a friendship with her. When you spot her entering the spa’s sauna, you quickly prepare yourself while reciting the script you have in your head.

You enter the sauna, sit directly in front of Maruka. You wait for a few minutes before striking up a conversation.

“Hi, I’m Ina, do you go to his spa often? I haven’t seen you around before.” You lied, a fake name in case she recognizes your real one.

“I’m Maruka, and yeah, I’m pretty new to this spa. It's been getting pretty serious between me and my boyfriend recently, I even moved in with him so I want to take care of myself for him.” she giggles.

“Aww, that’s cute. How did you meet?” Your inquiries.

“Oh we met at a bar, he bought me a drink and we started talking and we just hit it off, he was so charming.”

“You must be very happy then.” you give her a slight smile, “the way you talk about him, it seem like your relationship is full of sunshine and flower”

“You would think so, but unfortunately he had a wife, so we have to date in secret. But he promised me that he would divorce her for me” she laughs. That pisses you off but you hold down your anger.

“You said you moved in recently, did he finally divorce his wife recently?”

“Oh. My. God. That’s the best part. She disappeared! 6 months ago! She might be dead for all we know so he gets to keep the fancy house. It’s as if we’re destined to be and god was helping us out!” you squeal in excitement.

If Suguru and Satoru were here, they would nominate you for the Oscar for how well you’re able to hold back your anger and continue to be friendly with this piece of work. This shameless woman considers someone’s misfortune as her blessing. Disgusting.

“Wow, that’s impressively lucky, maybe you are being watched over by god.” you said in feint amazement. “We should grab lunch together, you’re fun to talk to, it'll be on me. And I’ll bring you to a nice place where we can test your blessing”

She giggled in happiness, “Sure!”.

You know she would agree as soon as you invite her, this is a luxury spa after all, only those with money and membership can enter. She won’t let go of an opportunity to form connections with someone who is wealthy enough to be in this spa.

/////////

Just as you proposed, you bring her to the most expensive restaurant in town, you have to show your wealth (by using Satoru’s card) so she would want to stick to you even closer. Afterward you bring her to Toji’s horse racing ring.

Toji used to be Shoko’s and Suguru’s smoke and drink buddy in college. He wasn’t necessarily close to your group, but you consider each other friends. So when you come asking him for a favor to avenge Shoko, along with the money to reimburse him. He told you to keep the money and to use his horse racing ring however you please.

“Where are we?” Maruka asked in confusion.

“A horse racing ring, owned by my friend, you should place some bet to test out your blessing.” you giggle.

“If you lose, the ring will only take half of what you bet. But if you win, you’ll win twice the amount you bet, and the ring will only take 10% of what you win. It’s a win-win scenario for everyone. People who play will gain more than they lose, and the ring gains a small revenue to keep it going.” You entice her further.

“Oh, I have never placed a bet before…” She hesitated a little, but clearly still interested.

“Here,” you hand her a slip of paper “Just write down your name, the amount you're betting, and the number on the horse you think will win, then put it in that box at the front.”

She takes the slip, she looks at it, contemplating for a moment. She then put down her name, $50, and horse number 3. She places it into the box at the front and you nod at the worker standing next to it, giving him the signal.

“Now what?” she ask nervously

“Now we watch!”

You two sit down in one of the seats in the VIP area. You glance at her, she’s anxious, first time gamblers always feel anxious at their first bet, but this adrenaline is what keeps them hooked. You watch as the horses race each other. Number 3 won. You watch as Maruka jumps up in joy and you smile at her.

“Would you look at that! You truly are blessed!” You feint excitement, hyping her up even more. This is the adrenaline you want her to feel, the high you want her to feel.

“Oh my gosh oh my gosh!! Ina!! I won!!” she said excitedly

“Yes you did! You're now $90 richer.” you smile, handing her another slip of paper “Want to go again?”

She took the paper from your hand immediately without hesitation this time. She excitedly wrote down her next bet again, $200 this time. You can’t help the grin being formed on your face. You got her hook, line, and sinker.

/////////

Good thing that your other boyfriend, Getou Suguru, is a famous detective. He knows the in and out of the law well, knows what evidence is crucial and what is useless. He’s the person that composes files on Maruka and Andrew that would help with your plan. In fact, Suguru is in his office filing out the new updates and pictures Satoru’s spy sent him.

You walk into his office to see him sitting at his desk with papers and pictures all over the table. You slide your hands on his shoulders and give him a small massage, you kiss his temple then rest your head on his shoulder.

“I love you.” you whisper softly

“I love you too” Suguru replies, turning his head slightly to give you a quick kiss on your lips.

You look at the pictures scattered on the table. The spy has been documenting Mamuka and Andrew’s day. Andrew’s day tends to be pretty boring now that he got what he wanted, he just went to work, went home, took Maruka out for dinner, nothing special. Maruka on the other hand, with no work to occupy and her new addiction to gambling on horse races, has been blowing through her money like water.

You made sure that the workers at Toji’s ring would let her win frequently at first, building her confidence in her luck. Then, you make sure she’ll start to lose. Of course, she will win when the worker notices she’s getting frustrated and about to give up. To give her that high. To keep her hook.

From what Shoko’s work friend, a nurse, at Andrew’s hospital has been telling you, he has been more and more agitated lately. Looks like Maruka’s spending habits are slowly affecting their relationship. You made sure to decline every single one of her invites to dinner with her and Andrew. You can’t risk them finding out you and Shoko’s best friend, and you as Ina are the same person.

“How is everything going on your side?” Suguru ask softly

“Oh, you know, just occasional lunch and dinner with the bitch, keep the ‘friendship’ going. The way she talks pisses me off though, she talks like a child. Sitting with her makes me miss Shoko even more. That should be Shoko’s place at the table with me, not her.” you complain with a sign, making Suguru chuckle.

“I miss her too, Sweet” He reached his hand up to pat your head, “What about Satoru? How’s his task going?”

“Magnificent actually, this whole life insurance company plan actually brings in money for the company, so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.” Satoru chimes in from behind you two, he leans down to give both you and Suguru a soft kiss.

“Seems like everything is going smoothly as planned then.” Suguru stands up from his chair to go to his vinyl shelf, he picks one and puts it on his new record player that you got him last Christmas. Lovers by Taylor swift come on and he reaches his hand out to both you and Satoru.

“How about a small celebratory dance? We can go for a celebratory dinner tonight” Suguru suggested.

You giggle and walk over to take his hand and so did Satoru. You spend the next few minutes twirling between them and watching them dance with each other. You’re genuinely happy, the happiest you have felt since Shoko’s disappearance. Revenge tastes oh so sweet, but it tastes addictingly sweet with your lovers around.

/////////

“Ugh, my boyfriend refused to give me an allowance today. Something about that he needed to save up for my ring. He’s bullshitting, I know it.” Maruka complained to you during your lunch with her. “I need money so I can win, I need to win so I can pay back my loan, this is so annoying!”

“That does sound annoying. I hate seeing you so upset like this. Is there any way I can help?” you asked in a concerned tone.

“I don’t know, Ina. I feel like the only way to solve any of my problems lately is money.” Maruka sighs. You smirk, pulling out a wad of cash from your purse.

“Here, $2000, for you.” You hand the stack of money to her. Smiling slightly.

“Wha- why? Thank you but…” Maruka start

“Oh don’t mention it, I recently invested in this new Insurance company owned by Gojo Corp. Their life insurance policy is pretty interesting. You can file for policies under someone else's name as long as you have their paperwork such as birth certificate, citizenship, social security number, things like that” You lied with the nonchalant attitude

“I recently filed one under my boyfriend’s name after finding out he was cheating on me and planning on buying a one way ticket to disappear to Russa.” You shrug. “Good thing the insurance company reimburse you double the amount you invest for disappearance cases, something about the owner having a friend that disappeared without a trace.”

You know it sounds too much like a lie. You know this lie sounds too good to be true. But you don’t need Maruka to believe you right now. You just need her to take the bait. After all, she ran out of money, in debt, with a gambling addiction. It shouldn’t take long for her to crawl to the insurance company from the prospect of easy money.

“Huh, interesting. Anyway, thank you.” She take the wad of cash

“No problem, just a small gift.” you reply. You can already see the cogwheel in her head spinning.

You parted ways with Maruka after eating and returned home. You send a text to your boyfriends before submerging yourself in your hot tub, “bait placed”. You enjoy the warmth of the hot tub and the water massage from it. You reminisce about your times with Shoko.

She would often tease you for how dense you were. “Everyone and their mother could tell that Satoru and Suguru have a thing for you, everyone but you apparently”.

Everytime you’re sad about another failed relationship, she would drag you out to go shopping or to the bar with her. Then you two would go to 3 different fast-food places, order an ungodly amount of food, and eat away your pain.

When you told her, you think you might like Satoru and Suguru more than friends, she said “fucking finally. go tell them that, I can’t handle those two being sad little puppies every time you get into a relationship with someone else anymore.”

You were maid-of-honor at her wedding. You can still remember how she looked in her wedding dress so clearly. You two went to pick it out together. You held her hand before she walk down the aisle, “anytime during the wedding, if you don’t wanna the do this anymore, I have the car readied”

She just laughed and said, “it’s just a marriage, I can handle myself, I don’t need you to worry about me.”

You should’ve grabbed her hand and dragged her to the car. That’s your biggest regret.

Your phone rings and snaps you out of your memory lane. A message from Satoru that said “she took the bait”. You smile at the text and step out of the hot tub. You’re thinking about making Satoru’s favorite dessert and Suguru's favorite food for dinner. Your boys have been working so hard for you. You should reward your favorite executioners tonight.

/////////

Good thing Satoru’s dad made him get a boating license during the summer of his 15. It’s a reason you three get to enjoy the weekend on a private yacht, in the middle of the ocean. You're currently enjoying a glass of champagne with some chocolate covered strawberry, sun-bathing in the lounge chair as your boys race each other in the water.

It's been a week since Maruka last contacted you to hangout. And according to Shoko’s nurse friend, it's been 3 days since Andrew came in for work. How interesting. Maybe you should give her a call.

You pick up our phone and click on Maruka’s contact, it rings 3 times before she pick up.

“Ina! Hi! What are you calling for?” She sounds panicky. She sounds like a kid doing something they shouldn’t be doing.

“Hey, I just wanna call to check up on you, haven't heard from you in a minute. What cha up to?”

“Oh nothing, just cooking… for my boyfriend! Yeah.”

“Oooh, what are you making?” you ask casually

“Just a beef stew, nothing special, just plain ol’ beef stew” Maruka answered rapidly, her attitude reminding you of Andrew’s attitude on the day of Shoko’s disappearance.

“Well, I’m just checking in, I would invite you out shopping with me but I’m on vacation right now. I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

With that, you and Maruka say bye to each other. You get up from your relaxed position and walk over to the railing on the yacht to call out to your boyfriends, who are trying to drown each other in their water splashing war.

“My loves,” You shout out to them, mischief in your voice. They stop what they were doing to look at you, enjoying the view quite a bit with the minimal amount of fabric you have on you, “it’s time for the anonymous tip and the wellness check don’t you think?”

A smirk grew on both of their faces as they swim back to the yacht to make some important phone calls. You lean on the railing to enjoy the sight of you boys. Their muscles flex in the most delicious way as they make their way through the water.

Your eyes didn’t leave their body as they climbed back up to the yacht. You're still staring as they both grab their phone to make some phone calls. You can’t help it, the way their skin glistens in the sun due to that water. The fact that they’re half naked right now with the short they’re wearing clinging onto their skin, giving you the sight of their defined thighs. Ah… it’s not as if you have never seen them in nothing but their birthday suit before, but still… your boys are just too attractive for their own good.

“If you stare any harder, you’ll burn a hole through us.” Satoru tease, you were too busy staring to notice he’s already finished with his phone call.

“I blame you two.” I joke, leaning into his body as he wraps his hand around you. Your smile gets wider when you feel another body pushing you closer to Satoru’s from behind.

“Oh? Please, do tell us how it’s our fault…” Suguru whispers into your ears, he nibbles on your ears a little before looking up to kiss Satoru.

Oh… you already know you’re gonna be in heaven for the next few hours. It’s a good day today.

/////////

Sunlight peeked through the blind of your shared room, waking you up. You look over to see Satoru and Suguru cuddling, you can’t pinpoint where one begins and where the other ends. You grab your phone to check the time, it’s 10am too early for lunch but too late for breakfast. You three just got back from your vacation in the middle of the ocean so you’re taking it slow before going back to work.

You get out of bed to go brush your teeth and get started on making brunch for yourself and your boys. You have a feeling it’s going to be a good day today. Eggs and bacon for brunch sound oddly enticing right now.

You take out the bacon from the fridge and place them slice by slice on a metal tray. You put them in the oven and get started on frying the eggs. Satoru likes his egg scramble, while Suguru likes sunny side up.

“Good morning” two voices greet you, not quite in sync because they’re not fully awake yet.

“Good morning, My Loves” you greet them back, “you could’ve slept in some more.”

“Nah, you weren’t in bed with us.” Suguru replies, he walks into the kitchen to help you cook. Satoru decides to go to the Living room to turn on the TV to a news channel before going to set up the table.

The TV in the living room drones on about the weather, politics, and current events as you guys eat. You three discuss how you are gonna spend the rest of your day as you finish up your brunch.

“Breaking news: Woman murders her boyfriend with the intention of cashing in on his life insurance policy to support her addiction.” The new anchor announces as the three of you wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen table.

“This morning, the police conducted a wellness check on Mr. Andrew, the husband of Ms. Shoko, who vanished without a trace a year ago. This check was prompted by an anonymous tip reporting his absence from work for three consecutive days, during which no one at his workplace could reach him. However, upon their arrival, law enforcement discovered only Ms. Maruka, Andrew's current girlfriend, present at the residence. Subsequent investigation of the home led to the unsettling discovery of fragments representing approximately 20% of Mr. Andrew's body, alongside three pots of meat stew. Analysis of the DNA extracted from the bones within the stew suggested the disturbing possibility that Mr. Andrew may have been used as an ingredient in this unsettling concoction.” The news anchor further elaborated on the case.

“Gross.” The three of you cringe at gruesome action.

“What was her plan with those stews? She isn’t thinking of eating it right?” Satoru commented, grimacing at the thought.

“Who knows, maybe she plans on feeding it to the stray dogs.” Suguru entertains Satoru’s thoughts.

“Ew. Even dogs wouldn’t want to eat that human waste.” you laugh, joining their antic.

“Based on an alternative anonymous tip, it appears that Ms. Maruka might be struggling with a gambling addiction and substantial debt. Additionally, she recently acquired a substantial life insurance policy in Mr. Andrew's name just one week ago. At present, all the available evidence strongly indicates that Ms. Maruka is the primary and sole individual under suspicion in connection with Mr. Andrew's demise.” The law enforcement officer being interviewed said with conviction.

You can help the wide grind forming on your lips as you wipe the dishes dry, “I can’t wait to tell Shoko about this.”

“I can already hear how much she's gonna enjoy this.” Sugar commented, chuckling at the thought, handing you another plate he just cleaned.

“We’ll tell her about this together. All three of us” Satoru said as he leaned down to place a kiss on your shoulder.

Yeah, the four of you will have the dinner you missed again. You, Satoru, and Suguru will tell Shoko all the mischief she missed. It won’t be now, or anytime soon. But you’ll tell her all about it, all three of you.

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suavis · 2 years

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Never interacting with ST tumblr ever again. Went to the tag after Vol 2 expecting to see posts about the episodes/s5 set up, instead I got

Death threats to Duffer Bros for not making by//er canon

People who don’t support by//er are homophobic

Horrible hate to Mileven fans

Duffer Bros are homophobic for killing Eddie bc “Eddie is gay & they killed him bc they didn’t like Stedd¡e”

We’re sick & tired of El, she shouldn’t be focused on in s5, instead Will & Mike

Mike’s speech to El is out of character, he doesn’t love her

El is boring & her abuse for her entire life isn’t comparable to Will, his unrequited love for Mike is worse than her torture

Mike should’ve died instead of Eddie & he’s homophobic to Will, Mike is the worst person in the show

I’m also not interacting with ST tumblr again bc of the white mlm fetishizers. Billy was clearly racist to Lucas & abusive to Max (I understand he was abused but that doesn’t excuse his racism and horrid treatment of Max) but yet Steve & Billy is a popular ship. If Lucas was white, we’d see more Lucas/Dustin. But we don’t. Women are also always pushed to the side for mlm ships, so many posts diminish El for by//er

LITERALLY you’ve encompassed everything i hate abt the fandom 💀 it’s never really surprising when fandoms only care abt bland white men they can hc as gay/bi and then fetishize but truly the attempted character assassination of multiple whole ass children bc they don’t play into their specific narratives they want is extra foul.

i thought st*ddie was cute in passing at first but then the fans and esp eddie fans started acting Like That and i was outta there 💀 ain’t no way they thought it was going to end any other way have the ever watched this show before??? like he was fun but ultimately he was just some guy that some ppl in this fandom care more abt than MAX who’s been around for three seasons now like make it make sense???? and same with billy stans they just choose to ignore full on racism like i saw one say they did believe he was racist but still liked him 💔 truly no saving them the way y’all will cape for random white men even if they’re racist and abusive…… ur not seeing heaven

and YES the way this fandom passes over the black characters (the very few that exist 🥴) is sooooo…. obvious truly. billy apologists are obviously the worst of em but. if will had been in love with lucas and he’d been acting like mike first of all there wouldn’t even be a quarter as many shipper and second lucas would have been eviscerated 💔 people’s priorities in this fandom could not be clearer tbh

and people’s hatred of eleven is so transparent 💀 if she wasn’t in the way of that certain ship nobody would give a fuck but instead they’ll say she’s just his beard, she’s aroace/lesbian (which obvi i support hcs like this wholeheartedly but when the ONLY purpose is to try to make it so she couldn’t possibly be attracted to mike and so now will can have him???? gtfo), she looks like a man (which is mentioned MULTIPLE times in the b*ler slideshow LMAO make it make sense….. i’m a woman with short hair does that make my gf straight???), etc.

also yeah their fixation specifically earlier on the fact that mike couldn’t say i love you to her and then when he finally did it was out of character/him projecting his feelings for will on her??? it’s disrespectful to the characters tbh like the way they characterize mike idek how they like him anymore considering how they seem to believe he’s manipulating eleven AND being an asshole to will while still being in love with him??? i have truly never seen a fandom so deluded over next to zero actual evidence but i wasn’t around in the days of tjlc so 💀 but i’m definitely seeing some similarities LMAO it’s bad like. i think EVERYONE can agree that will is into mike but b*lers seem to think that means mike is going to have to be into will too like. ik they’re still hung up on their middle school/high school straight best friends (or are still IN middle/high school with that straight best friend 💀) and want to think that he’ll get the happy ending they didn’t but. truly i do think will deserves better than this even if mike DOES return his feelings like. they would not be a good couple 💔 here’s to hoping will gets a bf in s5 and all the characters get to be happy for once and b*let fans finally shut up <3

#this is gonna be a long one #anti steddie #anti byler #anti billy hargrove #anti eddie munson #kinda but i’m mostly putting it to avoid his fans SHDJD #stranger things #asks #anonymous #thank u for this ask btw anon it’s nice to know other ppl also see this bs JDDHDH

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madefate · 1 month

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NAME?: claire

PRONOUNS?: she / they

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: blitzø, loona, bee, striker

RP PET PEEVES?: honestly idek anymore ?? the usual stuff bothers me - shitty anons, really excessive drama, etc. one niche pet peeve is when people assume that being "anti" whatever - uncritically shipping adults and minors and things along those lines - makes you some sort of militant prude? i simply feel the world is hard enough & the least you can do is tag your shit. but for the most part if i don't like something i just block & move on, and i never find any trouble these days.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: i was talking about this with clarke & boy oh BOY, so technically i started a letter writing game with my best friend when i was a sophomore in high school, & then the next year was introduced to the world of xanga & i've never been the same. so - about 17 years!

EXPERIENCE?: looseleaf or emails, xanga, various forums, skype, tumblr, occasionally discord

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: honestly i'm an angst bitch. i was never really comfortable with writing smut until more recently, but even then i'm just like? mostly fine with it. fluff is super cute for little things, but it doesn't always spark my ADHD brain if there's not enough plot. angst is where it's AT for me - DIG into the trauma, LASH out, HAVE those ptsd responses, GET mad, DISCOVER something new! it doesn't even have to be angst - things like action! drama! whatever's really juicy and forces the characters to change / grow / admit something / break down / develop over the course of the thread, that's what i WANT.

PLOTS OR MEMES?: MEMES PLS. again, embracing ADHD here but 9 times out of 10, if i try to plot something i literally don't know what to say (unless it's an AU / canon divergence, etc). i'd rather just someone send me an ask or starter and i can let my thoughts race and write something that feels organic.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: i write so. fucking. much. and i won't apologize. however! i've been having fun w/ one liners recently.

TIME TO WRITE?: i try to type away at things at work, like draft some replies, but usually it's evenings and weekends!

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: oh you mean the trauma of always feeling like you're failing and needing to be needed? lmao yes absolutely. however! since i'm a healthy bitch now, i ALSO put my therapy lessons into them! (eventually.) i also like to give my characters some of my own quirks or hobbies, so sometimes you get a little claire easter egg ;) obviously there are huge differences, but my emotions totally affect the characters i'm drawn to.

tagged. @fizzarollitm & @helldustedstories ty bbs! tagging. steal it from me!

#( ooc. )#( mun. )#( dash games. )

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moonysdora · 10 months

Note

hey! Welcome back!

I just wanted to let you know that yesterday I was hunting down the Remadora tag (average Sunday). I managed to stumble across one of your oldish posts, and I was thinking to myself “aw man I remember her, such a shame she hasn’t been active in a while. I hope she’s doing alright” and was remembering how much I used to love the memes you made. 💀 now it’s like 4am and I suddenly woke up, the first thing I did was open tumblr (bc ofc I would) and go through my activity feed. And I cannot explain the feeling of pure happiness that was rushing through me when I saw your url 😭 You literally just made the rest of my day, I’ve also just seen your most recent answer to an ask about your lack of motivation to write fics and I’m hoping you get more motivation soon bc you’ve always been an amazing addition to the Remadora fandom <3

anyway I’m about to go back to sleep but I just wanted to tell you about this strange coincidence, idek if you’ll see this lmao but I wish you the best! have a great day! 💖💖

Awwwwwww you're so sweet, thank you so much <33

I'm doing good, but as I said in the last post, I'm just not really into HP anymore... and there's no hate, I just moved on from my obsession (I got to admit I was incredibly obsessed with Remadora at one point). Occasionally, I log in to here to see what's up because Remadora will truly be in my heart forever <3

Thank you again for thidms message, I really appreciate it, and you've also made my day :)

#remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #remadora #harry potter #remus x tonks #tonks

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techs-feral-wife · 11 months

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WIP TITLE GAME

Thank you for the tag @wizardofrozz @mylifeisactuallyamess @l-lend and @homie-one-kenobi lmao 💕💕 I have so much random bs started but my brain refuses to finish any of them. Hopefully I'll feel less burnt out soon and actually finish these

Rules: post the names of all the files I'm your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, then post a little snippet or tell them something about it. Tag as many people as you have WIPs.

The Gray Sweatpants Incident - Fives x F!Reader

No Strings Attached - Hunter x Jedi!Reader

Marked - Tech x OC

More Than I Ever Said - Tech x OC

Kyra is a Virgin Who Can't Drive - Tech x OC

Some Things Never Change - Echo x OC

Goddamnit Clara - Echo x Reader

Competition - Tech x OC? Hunter x OC? idek anymore

"My eyes are up here, trooper." - Echo x OC

"Talk like adults damnit" -Roz 2023 - Tech x OC

Jealousy by Monsta X - Tech x OC

Mine - Wolffe x F!Reader

Reversed Polarity - Egon Spengler x OC (how did you get in here sir?)

Tech's Equipment 😏 - Tech x F!Reader

Good Girl - Echo x F!Reader

Trouble (spicy) - Echo x OC

Echo and Leli (Smackdown vs Raw 20 BBY) - Echo x OC

Waste It On Me - Sinker x OC

HunterSmutHunterSmutHunterSmut - Hunter x. F!Reader

In My Sights - Crosshair x medic!Reader

Drive Me Wild - Fives x Reader

Nightmares - Echo x Reader

Dogma Whump - Dogma x Reader

Domestic Clone Shit - Echo x Reader or Echo x OC

Parallel - Rex x Reader

Pining Rex 2 Electric Boogaloo - Rex x Reader

Labyrinth - Tech x Reader

oh god I don't know enough people to tag them

NP tags: @techtalksfics @snippy-tano @wreckers-wife @fives-girlfriend @a-single-tulip @toomanybandstocare @rinwritesfics @agenteliix @corrieguards @starrylothcat @hetalianskywalker and anyone else who wants to do this honestly. (My brain just short-circuited lmao)

#oh dear god #this is so many things #I am famously bad at replying to asks but i will do it I swear!

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zanarkandfayth · 1 year

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15 Questions

I was tagged by @ivorydice, thanks!

Tagging just... whoever. I don’t feel well and I don’t wanna think lmao

1. Are you named after anyone?

Well, I took "fayth" from Final Fantasy X because I adore the fayth so much and to me it's a gender neutral name. It started out combined with zanarkandfayth as a username idek when, late 2000s, and then just gradually evolved into me calling myself fayth. My legal name, no. My first name was apparently just easy for my dad to spell and my middle name is french because my mom likes the language. I hate both names and they can fuck off lol.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhh... I have a hard time crying these days even though I want to. Almost did last night because surgery recovery has been a bitch, does that count?

3. Do you have kids?

Nope. Don't want them. I'm not even capable of taking care of myself, why would I want to be responsible for another human being? And I did not win the gene lottery and the world sucks, I'm not inflicting this miserable existence on someone else.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes, though less than I used to because even sarcasm is effort and I'm tired.

5. What sports do you/have you played?

I liked basketball as a kid, and baseball, though I wasn't any good at either. I used to like to run. Uuuh I also did taekwondo as a kid for a couple years? idk if a martial art counts as a sport though.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Hair... idk it's usually the most noticeable thing to me. Except that guy who came through my line at DT once who was about seven feet tall, I definitely noticed his height first.

7. Eye colour?

Mine? Boring brown. Will forever hate it.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I used to like/not mind scary movies when I was younger, but now I need the feel good chemicals. Also I don't watch movies anymore. Legit could not name the last movie I've watched at this point.

9. Any special talents?

Making my readers cry lmao. No, idk. What's considered special? What's considered a talent? I don't want to stand out.

10. Where were you born?

Southern US, the same miserable state I exist in now, good ole Tennessee, though I'm now at the opposite end of it from where I was born/grew up. It's worse on this end for sure.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, video games, cooking... I'd say reading but I don't do that as much as I used to. The guilt of not having the energy to comment on fics gets to me and so I just don't read at all instead :/

12. Do you have any pets?

A shithead named Max. He's a flamepoint siamese cat that an old neighbour rescued from where he'd been abandoned on the side of the road and me and my ex ended up taking him in. My ex named him (after mad max apparently and I hate his name lol) but he attached himself to me so when I kicked the ex out a couple years later for being an abusive cheating narcissistic asshole, Max stayed with me. He turned ten this May but he still zooms around the house like a kitten. I love him but my health problems have made it increasingly hard to take care of him so he's going to be my last cat.

13. How tall are you?

5'2, forever sobbing

14. Favourite subject in school?

English was the only one I really enjoyed just because it was so easy. When I did university for the third time (the one I actually graduated from lmao), I also really liked most of my sociology classes, enough to make it a second degree, and I liked my scottish history class. If I could afford a third degree it'd probably be in history.

15. Dream job?

At this point? Nothing. Being a stay at home husband (with no kids, yes), or being an eternal university student just taking classes and getting degrees for the heck of it would be my ideal. I would also like to try my hand at making my own video game, but a) I can't art for shit, and b) chronic fatigue makes even starting on learning coding too daunting. I don't even have the energy I want for my current hobbies.

#fifteen questions #I love having an excuse to talk about myself #lmao #it was a nice distraction from how terrible I feel #turns out surgery recovery is your body finding new ways #to torment you every couple of days #real life #ignore me

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gillianthecat · 1 year

Note

hi gillian! you have so much to say about all the bls you watch (this is definitely not a bad thing, i enjoy reading what other people think about our shared interests) but i was just wondering how did you survive being a lurker? did you write your thoughts anywhere or did you just kept them to yourself? i struggle with this myself, i feel like i have so much to say about everything, but i don't really say it or share it, i happily read other people's opinions and silently agree or disagree idek where i'm going with this lmao i guess i'm just curious to know such a "talkative" and person as you was once a lurker

Hi Anon!

So interestingly, when I was a lurker I didn't watch BL at all, barely knew what it was. I joined Tumblr because of a hockey romance writer (Taylor Fitzpatrick, I'm still a big fan of her work) and then mostly started following fanfic writers. Because I mostly read fanfic for media I don't read/watch or for sports RPF in sports I don't follow (which I know makes me a bit of an outlier) I didn't have much to say about the source materials. And because my tendency when writing about stuff is to be pretty analytical and to pick works apart even when I love them, that wasn't something I was going to do in public on tumblr where any of the authors (many of whom I followed) could see it. That just felt invasive. All of which is to say, being a lurker came very naturally to me at the time; it honestly didn't really occur to me to do anything else. And I didn't write my thoughts down or share them with anyone else, my fanfic reading (indeed most of my reading) had always felt like a private part of myself. I had plenty of thoughts and comparative analyses, etc, but it just kind of bubbled up in my brain and then disappeared.

My transition into posting on here about BL happened fairly spontaneously, pretty much immediately after I started watching BL; I don't really remember consciously deciding to make that change. Perhaps I did, and it's fallen out of my mind, I do remember being a little anxious the first time I reblogged something with comments of my own, feeling worried that I would bother people or people would think I was weird or something. On the other hand, my reblog was about Pete and Vegas' kink-filled explicit sex scene, so I must not have been that nervous 😂 I do remember tagging a lot of my posts "#my ramblings" early on; that self depreciation helped me mitigate my self-consciousness about whether my words were "worthwhile." Which I've come to the surety (at least on most days) is a meaningless concept here on tumblr, people can follow you or block you, you're not forcing your words in anyone's face. Seeing all the silly stuff that does get posted has helped me get over the feeling that I'm supposed to be making "worthwhile" content.

It's very freeing (especially as a former perfectionist who once felt she had to read and analyze every single one of an author's dozen or so novels* in order to write a term paper on him) to realize that I don't have to be an expert on anything to write about it on here. I can write in the voice that I want to, and use too many adjectives and adverbs and run-on sentences, and not feel like I have to write concisely or "properly" or even "understandably" if I don't feel like it. I can just share my thoughts and reactions and even be wrong (gasp!) or ignorant (the horrors!) and nothing bad will happen. I've been fortunate in that no one has been hateful or even slightly rude to me yet (the QL community seems particularly kind, even for tumblr), but if it ever does happen, that block button is a powerful tool.

One interesting side effect (or perhaps cause, who knows how these chains of causality are linked) is that I almost never watch episodes of shows straight through anymore. I used to be a binge watcher, a whole season (or more!) in one go with barely a break. Now I almost always pause many many times an episode. Sometimes just to take a break, sometimes to write down my thoughts in the notes app or something (i'll often have two devices in front of me at once, or switch back and forth between apps/tabs/programs) or to liveblog here on tumblr. I'm now pretty much incapable of watching a show without feeling the urge to write about it. Which is both good and bad 🤷🏻‍♀️

In terms of what actually happened to get me posting: I think sometimes (like today) my brain just overflows and then I start writing and the self-consciousness mostly falls to the wayside. Which isn't a helpful suggestion if that's not what your brain does, but it is what happened.

The Advice Part:

I have a couple of ideas for you, based on possible things that could be holding you back from participating. If it's that you feel self-conscious, you can keep doing what you're doing now and sending anonymous thoughts to other bloggers. Not everyone accepts anon asks, but most people who do are happy to publish them and have a conversation with people on anon. Or you could create a sideblog, or even an entire separate blog that you use to post your thoughts about BL, in a way that might feel even more safely anonymous than your regular tumblr. You don't even have to tag anything or follow anyone if you want the cocoon of being relatively invisible while expressing your thoughts. Then, if that starts to feel more comfortable you could start tagging, or reblogging other people's stuff, and start sharing your ideas more publicly. Or stay in that cocoon forever; there is no reason to leave if that's what feels comfortable!

Or you could start (assuming you don't already) by reblogging stuff and adding comments in the tags. And if that starts to feel less scary, or like not enough room for what you want to say, you could shift to reblogging with comments in the... whatever its called, the not tags. And replying rather than reblogging might feel a little safer - it's not quite so public, only the original poster or those who intentionally look into the notes will see it.

If the issue is that you feel overwhelmed by all your ideas, or all the shows, you could pick one or two shows to talk about. Or one or two bloggers to reply to. Or set a goal for yourself of one post a week/a day/whatever works. Just something to create some structure for yourself to make it feel less overwhelming.

Looking back over your ask, I'm not even sure you were looking for advice, but... uh... here some is anyways? Feel free to write back! With questions about this, anything else, or just to chat some more. Or for an anonymous venue for your thoughts!

(One last piece of practical advice, inspired by my computer just dying on me as I was finishing this up. Save Your Drafts! Save early and often. Save whenever you have to navigate away from the editing page. Most of the time the post editor is pretty good. And it even has an autosave function now, at least sometimes, under certain conditions. Which has saved me before from losing stuff, but it's not a surefire thing. So, since it's a pain to try and recreate something painstakingly written, I do highly recommend saving early and often.)

*the novelist was Ayi Kwei Armah, for anyone curious. and it must have been less than a dozen books. but it felt like a lot. sadly I remember very little of either the books or the term paper now.

p.s. I am like so unbelievably flattered by you coming to me for advice and wanting to know my story. i'm flattered by any and all asks i've ever gotten, really. so thank you 😊

#my ramblings #wow that's a lot of words #which were tags i used a bunch early on #but feel appropriate to add here #gillianthecat likes to talk about herself #which i always kind of knew by tumblr has freed me up to actually do it #anon asks #asks answered #advice #about gillianthecat #e

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zerodaryls · 1 year

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this is probably an unpopular opinion but I really think a lot of phobias could be overcome if people took the time to intentionally trigger themselves (i.e. exposure therapy).

before I go any further, I'm not fucking saying that triggering other people's phobias is okay. I'm not saying "I'm intentionally not tagging topics that are widely known to be triggers because y'all just need to suck it up and cope". if you trigger someone on purpose you're a fucking asshole.

but I do think that we coddle ourselves too much, especially in online spaces. I've seen trigger lists on Discord servers that are a mile long. and I know a lot of triggers pertain to PTSD and other issues, and that's totally valid and not something I'm qualified to address. but that's not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about certain types of irrational phobias (not things like an intense fear of assault, or other phobias that are based in more realistic concerns -- I've got those, too, and I doubt that "exposure therapy" would help anyone get over those fears; that's what professional therapy is for).

I'm talking about things we have no real business being afraid of, lol.

like, for me, it was spiders (and many other types of bugs; still working on learning to be okay with some of them!)

I think a lot of trigger lists end up serving as a way for people to just keep reinforcing and living in their irrational phobias.

but like...

a phobia is not a life sentence!

estimated reading time under the cut: 4.5 minutes

I swear some people cling to phobias like it's a core part of their identity. I know I did that to an extent with my arachnophobia.

but I'm happy to announce that I'm not afraid of spiders anymore.

I actually really fucking love them and am constantly looking around my home to see if there's a new spider buddy chillin' on the wall.

and before anyone comes in with their skepticism and tries to say "oh then maybe you just never really had arachnophobia to begin with", I know myself and my experiences best. I had arachnophobia.

if someone so much as talked about their own experiences with spiders, I would tense up.

on multiple occasions I would end up shaking and unable to sleep if I spotted a spider anywhere in my home, let alone in my room.

I once abandoned my apartment for an entire day and stayed at my mom's house because there was a big hairy spider outside. it wasn't even in the apartment! it was on the balcony! I rarely even went on the balcony, but I was so fucking arachnophobic back then that I was paranoid that this 8-legged buddy would somehow manage to squeeze in through a crack in the door and... honestly idek what I was afraid would happen after that... it would be in my home?? so??

yeah, I definitely had arachnophobia.

even just photos or videos of spiders triggered me. my hands would literally start shaking if I saw a picture of, like, some Big Boi Spider on a wall in Australia or something, lmao. I would get heart palpitations. I even teared up a few times. and mind, this was in my 20s. I was an adult crying over an image of a spider.

eventually I realized how much my arachnophobia affected me, and I remembered some cheesy Pinterest quote about "interrupting anxiety with curiosity" or something, and I decided to give it a try.

I decided to become curious about spiders. when I would see a spider, I'd ask, "what kind of spider is that?"

I started googling descriptions of spiders when I encountered them, and trying to figure out what exact species I was looking at.

it was uncomfortable as fuck the first dozen or so times. I still experienced extreme anxiety. but I kept at it, and reminded myself to be curious. what was it that I was actually afraid of? how realistic was that fear? is that type of spider even venomous? what does their venom do? are they likely to bite, or do they avoid humans as much as possible? (fun fact: very rarely will any species of spider bite a human just for funsies. they straight up don't want to fuck with us!)

you can show me just about any picture of a spider at this point and I'm good. I will even seek them out! I follow a bunch of spider accounts on social media and my suggested posts are at least 50% videos of freaky lil bugs (affectionate).

my dad bought me spider stuffed animals as gifts for my birthday and Christmas. he said he never imagined that I'd want something like that in my life. neither did I!

if you'd told me even just a year ago that I would overcome my phobia of spiders (and moths! nearly forgot about how much moths used to freak me tf out), I wouldn't have believed you.

but here I am.

my next mission is to conquer trypophobia. and I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. I fucking hate seeing clusters of holes n' shit, it really freaks me out. but because those kinds of patterns aren't always avoidable, it'd be really great if I could encounter them without having a panic attack. so, I'm going to be forcing myself to look a little longer every time I see that shit.

ditto pregnancy; I've had severe tokophobia since I was a teen. it's not fucking contributing to my life, and now my best friend's wife is pregnant, and I wanna be able to cheer them on during this exciting journey! I don't wanna be grimacing every time they share updates! they're gonna be moms, for fuck's sake, and my dumbass irrational fear has no business getting in the way of that joy (especially since we need more examples of queer joy and queer families to celebrate right now)!

so, the tokophobia's gotta go. any fear I encounter in myself, I want to do my damndest to work through it, not avoid ever being triggered. I want to have more confidence in myself than that.

and yeah, I know, not all phobias are the same. and I'm sure we can come up with dozens of excuses to wallow in our fear.

but like. I truly believe that Fear is enemy no. 1 in life. that behind every evil thing humans have ever done, you can usually track it all back to some underlying Fear that they hadn't learned how to cope with.

and obviously I'm not saying that your fear of bugs or holes or pregnant people is going to make you commit atrocities, lmao.

but like. for me, personally, seeing the damage that fear does to the human spirit... I don't want that shit anywhere on me.

I want to go through life knowing that I'm bold and brave and that I consistently choose to stare my discomfort in the face and tell it that it doesn't have power over me.

if I'm gonna have a phobia of anything, it's gonna be fear itself.

#really didn't mean to quote FDR at the end there but oh well. lol #also ended up rambling far longer than I intended this post to be #but what can ya do. ADHD / autism and I got a lotta thoughts.#anyway. I gently encourage y'all to join me in the fight against our own fears.#we're bossass bitches and nothing has the right to hold so much power over us #empower yourself dude. you're so much stronger and more capable than you realize. I promise.

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