#if their parents won’t love them then by the gods they’ll love each other and that’s all that matters

[exosciences]

reminiscing about how aelwyn used her 7th level spell slot to teleport herself, adaine, and tracker upwards 100 feet, only to consider it a waste to which adaine quickly retorts by not only saying it’s never a waste, but compliments her and shows how excited she is to learn it

that was probably the first time in a long time that aelwyn has ever been praised, and it came from her one and only sister :’)

#aelwyn abernant #adaine abernant #fantasy high #dimension 20 #the abernant sisters make me insane in a good way #the way they express love to each other is so unique to them and i love that despite everything they still have each other #if their parents won’t love them then by the gods they’ll love each other and that’s all that matters

[ruskaroma]

ordinary, corrupt human love. | chapter 2: you get me closer to god.

Summary: John is a manipulator, and she, is the new subject of his obsession.

Warnings: this chapter contains stalking, mentions of large age gap, graphic descriptions of violence, and manipulation.

read the warnings. john is not only a menace, he is evilllll.

Author’s note: and we are back, baby. today, in this chapter, you are going to be witnessing a LOT of fucked up shit from none other than john wick himself. my man’s been doing a lot, god bless his poor soul.

also may i remind you all that the reader here is naive! she is stupid! she is not the brightest! she’s just desperate for attention and affection, so her decisions are always stupid and all of that. (please do not hate her, she is trying her best.)

this took me a while to write because it’s long asf and also because you know me, i always struggle with the english language, but i hope i won’t disappoint you with this chapter!

thank you so much for waiting and continuing to support this fic! really, it gives me a lot of motivation to keep writing, and i really appreciate all your sweet comments and reblogs on my last post.

i hope you also enjoy this new chapter since we’re going to have another peak of what goes on in john’s dark, dark mind. (I PROMISE THE SEX SCENE WOULD BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.)

and again, this is not edited so all mistakes are on me! i really do apologize, english is not my first language.

Word count: 10.6k

also read on AO3

In this business, you’d see different kinds of reactions when a man walks into a room.

They all see themselves above everybody else. They think they’re better, deadlier, smarter. That’s the kind of mindset you need if you want to survive. How will you get out of being held at gunpoint when you’re a weakling?

When a man walks into a room, they’ll take a moment to stare.

On the outside, you’d think these people have a lot of respect for one another since they all work in the same circle anyway. But in real life, you’d see the blatant lack of respect these people truly have for each other, because they’ll stare and judge.

When John walks into a room, it’s a different story.

Fear.

John is not like any other man in business they think they could just judge and get away with it, no. John is well respected and feared. He could see it in their eyes when he pass by. The extreme discomfort and alarm to be in the same presence as him. Even if they try so hard to hide it, John sees right through them.

They view him as… something but human. He’s a killing machine. An attack dog. A monster, some would even say. 

Back in the days, John wasn’t exactly fond of the names they’ve been giving him. When he was still new in the game, he didn’t like how he struck fear over these people because he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the power he truly has over them.

But now, something has shifted.

John is a free man. Not the kind of free when he was with Helen, but free nonetheless. Free because instead of getting alarmed with the fact that he’s feared all over this underworld, he’s taking advantage of it. Much to the higher ups dismay. They have been having a very hard time keeping up with his recent activities.

Growing up, it seemed like John got the worst sadistic discipline in Ruska Roma.

All of them did, don’t get him wrong. All of them suffered – blood, sweat and tears. They were all forced to go through extreme discipline, because it’s the crack of the whip that gets the rats going.

But John… John got the worst of it.

He used to take the fall for his fellow students. Fingers couldn’t count just how many times he was belted on the back for someone else’s mistake. The amount of times he was starved, denied of any kind of food or water, and that’s how it’s always been.

John has always been denied for the things he wanted. The things he needed.

Now, he is not greedy. He’s not just going to take everything in his way like a kid that got away from its parents’ grip, because he doesn’t want a lot of things. John already has a house, a dog companion, enough money to last forever.

John already has everything except her.

His most happy moments couldn’t compete with the hot curl within his guts that he feels every time his mind flashes back to that night. That night when she gave in, when she gave herself away to him – willingly. 

John didn’t need to give her a little push to finally get her. She practically offered herself to him, bared her neck and John’s itching to take a bite. To finally make her his once and for all, but really, he doesn’t need to do that to know that she’s his. 

Like he said, he’s not going to force himself into her life. He’s going to be welcomed. By the looks of it, it seems like it wouldn’t be such a hard thing to do after all. Not when she’s already giving up information about herself to John through texts – she’s practically making it easy for him to get her.

So naive. Doesn’t got a fucking clue in the world.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Fucking mine –

John looks at his phone, reading the messages both of them sent each other the night before, and there it is again. The itch in his hands, the need to possess.

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: hello! this is Y/N from the club the other night

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: also that Y/N who returned your super expensive looking coin hehe ;) i hope you didn’t forget about me!

John changed her name on his phone. He changed it to something more… intimate. More sweet. 

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : I could never.

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : You’re hard to forget.

He remembers – no, saw – how she responded. With a smile on her face, hopeful.

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : using my words against me, i see :D 

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : good to know you’re still as slick as the last time we chatted haha

13.06.15 11:49 PM

John : Hard not to. I wanted to impress you.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : you already did.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : with all your brooding and intimidating look. just my type ;D 

John smiles to himself as he reads the message. He remembers the look on her face when she’s typing, and hasn't got a clue that the man she’s flirting with was observing her just from across her building. John wouldn’t call it invading her privacy, he calls it keeping her safe.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : anywho i asked for your number for a reason. i really do want to talk to you again. not just in chat, i mean, but also in real life :) 

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : maybe we could get to know each other more? what do you say??? meet up again, but this time planned unlike our other previous meetups?? haha

He is not a teenager to be feeling this giddy over reading messages, but she truly brings out something shameful in him.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

John : I should be the one asking you that.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : you were taking too looonggg :( 

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : so what do ya think?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : Of course I’ll go. I told you I’d make time for you, didn’t I?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : I’m a man of my word.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

Bambi : ok that’s great! i was so worried you wouldn’t say yes.

John had averted his eyes from the phone that night and onto the little lady across the building. She was rolling around on her bed, still dressed in her pink, fluffy robe and her hair was still wet. She looks like a puppy that John wanted to pet; stroke her hair and tell her she’s his good girl.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : When do you want to meet? 

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : aahhhhh let’s see

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : i have classes tomorrow morning BUTTT we can def meet up during lunch! i get out of school at like 12 and go to work at 3 :D

I know, John wanted to say. I’ve memorized your everyday schedule in the span of two days.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : How about I pick you up from your school, we grab lunch, and I drop you off to work?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : Or is it too soon? 

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : oh my god no way REALLY?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : nooo it’s not too soon don’t worry! you def could so we have more time to talk and everything! i just hope i won’t be bothering you or anything.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : do you have work tomorrow? you look like a 9 to 5 kinda guy :P 

God, she’s fucking adorable. 

13.06.15 11:54 PM

John : I don’t, so you don’t have to worry. I’d love to talk to you more as well.

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : ok! i cannot wait for tomorrow. i should probably sleep now tho so i wouldn’t look shitty when you see me :D 

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : here is the address of my school. [Address]

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : can’t wait to see you tomorrow, john! goodnight, see you soon! x

13.06.15 11:55 PM

John : Goodnight, sweet girl. Have a good sleep.

John hadn’t meant to type that. He felt his heart drop to his stomach, terrified that he somehow scared her away with the sudden affection. But then he saw her read his message, dropped her phone on the bed, and then rolled over again like a lap dog.

She’s too easy to tame, so gullible. John almost couldn’t believe how fast she folded, how desperate she really is. But then again, he could say the same about himself. Lonely and desperate, they were meant to be together. He likes to believe God had put them in this position because of fate, because he has a plan for every single one of us.

John’s never been the one to believe in Him, but he finds himself grasping to that very little delusion that keeps him from going insane.

*

11:55 AM, the students are already making their way out of their designated buildings. 

John is keeping his guard on high alert, eyes scanning the crowd to find her. He’s parked just across the school gate, leaning against his car as he checks the time on his wrist. He’s also holding his phone in the other, waiting for it to vibrate in case she drops a message.

He’s never felt this giddy before. Hands clammy and eyes searching frantically, excited because he’s finally getting to spend alone time with her, but also worried in fear of losing her in the crowd. John doesn’t like it when he doesn’t have the upper hand. When he doesn’t have control of the situation. When she’s not in his line of vision and could be doing god knows what without his supervision.

He checks his phone again. 11:58, where is she?

John knows at this time, she should be out and about already, waiting for a cab to her apartment. His fingers itch, hovering over the screen of his phone. He begins contemplating if he should send a message, but that would make him look demanding and clingy. He doesn’t want to leave that kind of impression on her, or otherwise he’d have no choice but to abduct her and keep her locked away if she thinks about running –

He blinks, sucking in deep breath. 

“Shit,” he whispers, looking up to the school gate again. This isn’t good. What the fuck was he even thinking? 

John tries not to think about it. Tries to convince himself that he is not as fucked up as his mind is making him out to be. He wouldn’t stoop that low, he’s not that cruel –

Are you not?

A certain someone appears in the crowd, standing outside the school gate, already spotting John and waving at him from across the road. Her face is bright, smiling wide. John never wanted to possess something so bad.

He waves back, all his dark thoughts suddenly gone, and everything is rainbows and sunshine. John watches as she crosses the road carefully, looking left and right, seeming small with the people around her. She looks like a lost puppy.

John wants to pet.

“John, hey!” she beams, running up to him to give him a hug which catches John off guard. She’s on her tiptoes just to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, and John doesn’t want to make her upset for not immediately reacting with her affection, and so he puts his arm around her waist and bends down to place his chin on her shoulder. 

He fights the urge to bury his nose in her neck, then maybe sucks a few hickeys, leaving a bite mark to show that the big, bad wolf has already marked his mate.

She’s so fucking easy to get, John thinks.

When she pulls away from the hug, John tries not to look disappointed. Her cologne lingers in his nose. “Sorry. Force of habit.”

“You don’t ever need to say sorry for that,” John says, faux stern as he places a hand on her waist subtly. She looks like she doesn’t mind, that’s a good thing.

“Okay then,” she smiles politely. “Oh, and I’m sorry if I look like a mess. Just say the words and I would totally change to more appropriate clothes before we go somewhere.”

“You look beautiful,” John says smoothly, standing up straight. Even though she looks underdressed next to John who’s wearing a three-piece suit, she is still heart-wrenchingly beautiful. In fact, John likes the contrast.

“T-thanks.”

“Should we go?”

“Sure! I’m excited,” she giggles, the sound practically dancing in his ear. “I’m hungry. Where will we eat?”

“Hm, what do you like?” he asks.

“Dunno. Burger and milkshake.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“The only thing I can afford, unfortunately,” she jokes, though John doesn’t answer, only opening the car door for her. “We should eat in a diner. I know a good one! Also cheap, so you won’t have to worry about the price.”

“I never worry about the price, darling,” John murmurs, but still loud enough for her to hear as she gets inside the vehicle. He swiftly walks to the driver’s seat and starts the car, glancing at his little bambi who’s observing the interior intensely. “You like it?”

“It’s so cool. I’ve never been in a car like this.”

“You’re going to have a lot of firsts when you’re with me.”

As John starts driving, the girl beside him babbles. Not that he minds, of course. He listens and nods, so obsessed with her voice that he could listen to it forever. It’s amazing how John could easily hide the fact that he was just stalking her from across her apartment the night before in the back of his mind, like it never even happened. It’s amazing how he could act like he wasn’t just thinking about kidnapping her and locking her away from the public forever.

But then again, everything about his little bambi would make anyone risk it all for her.  It’s not just John. Anyone would do the same if they were in his shoes.

“How was school?” John asks, averting his eyes from the road for a moment to look at her.

“Eh, it was alright. Classes always drain me, no wonder I’m so hungry now,” she answers politely. One of the few things John noticed about her. How she doesn’t run out of things to say, how she can get the conversation going. “How about you? You going to work after our lunch? You’re dressed up for it.”

“I took the day off today,” he replies vaguely.

“What? Why?”

“I have a date with you.”

She seems to be shocked by John’s choice of words, but she’s more concerned with the fact that John took the day off for her. “Y-yeah, but you didn’t have to do that. We could just go on a date next time.”

“The sooner, the better,” he explains, feeling another surge of something hot into his veins. She agreed that this is a date. Just how fucking gullible can she get? “Work is no problem for me. I want to get to know you more.”

“O-okay. I wanna get to know you more too.”

When John catches a glimpse of her bright smile beaming at him, his hands tighten around the wheel and he steps on the gas harder.

*

John doesn’t like how his mind isn’t making him remember about Helen.

He should be remembering her. He should feel some kind of guilt for being in a restaurant with another woman, but he doesn’t. Every single day since she died, his mind would always make him think about her. But now, it’s like John completely forgot about her existence at all.

The wedding ring on his finger is long gone. Ever since his unhealthy obsession began, he thought that wearing that while doing something so sinful felt so wrong. Helen shouldn’t have to witness all the things he had done in the name of a girl he had only met once that time.

The diner isn’t packed with people. The sizzling of the burgers grilling on the pan and the chatters seem to drown out eventually when his little bambi starts talking.

John gives her a small smile, barely there, just to show her that he’s listening, all his attention is on her.

“Time seems to pass by so fast, huh? I remember when I bumped into you the first time, I really thought I wouldn’t see you again,” she starts the conversation with a bang, but thankfully John’s prepared for this type of talk.

“So you really wanted to see me then?” he smirks slightly.

“Yeah! You’re really good looking and it’s not always I see a guy as handsome as you in my apartment complex and my school,” she says bluntly, though John could see the faint blush on her cheeks when she mentions the word ‘good looking.’ “So of course I had to take my chance when I met you again at that club! God, you were my knight in shining armor. I would’ve been crushed to death if it wasn’t for you.”

“That’s why you should always be careful on the road. You’re small, everyone could look past you if you weren’t careful enough.”

She pouts, placing her chin on her hand as she stares lovingly at John. “You’re exaggerating. I’m not small. You’re just saying that because you’re too big. And I’m always careful on the road – it was only that time that I lost balance and almost fell.”

“Then it better not happen again,” John says sharply, leaning back against the cushioned seat as he stares back at her challengingly. “But there’s no need to worry for the next time. I won’t let that happen again.”

“Next time?” she teases. “So you want to see me again next time, then?”

“Have I not made it clear with my actions and words?” John shoots back, raising another eyebrow. She likes it when he’s being stern like this. All authoritative. She might not know it yet, but her body language speaks for itself. “Do you want to see me again?”

The little bambi smiles brightly, and It hurts. It hurts John to see that smile because she’s just like the sun. But no matter how much she shines, John would do anything just to touch. Just to possess. Just to break.

“Of course! I wouldn’t have gotten your number if I didn’t, right?”

“Good.”

It’s not like she could do much anyways if she says no. Nothing will ever stop John from seeing her again, no matter how bad the procedure would be.

The food then arrives and is served on the table, and John thinks he has never felt anything like this before.

His hands have never felt this itchy before. That desperate, longing feeling to just possess the very thing that’s placed right in front of you. Everything about her is just so captivating, staring up at John like he’s the one who hung the moon, so full of adoration and hope.

Seems like John isn’t the only desperate one between the two of them. He could see it in her eyes. She’s practically begging him to take care of her.

And really, he can’t blame her.

An absent mother and an alcoholic father. No wonder she’s seeking attention from a man like John. A man old enough to be her father – if not older than her own father. John would be more than willing to fulfill the role her father failed to be when she was young. He’d do anything to protect her, morals be damned.

She looks too good to be true sitting right in front of him and he didn’t think watching someone devour a burger twice as big as her face would be so endearing. The way she licks her lips, the way her eyes sparkle every time John would pay attention to the little things she’d absentmindedly insert in her stories. No one must’ve given her this kind of attention before. No one but John.

“Oh, before I forget!” She places a hand on John’s arm that’s perched on the table. A mere innocent touch, yet he can’t help but feel a little giddy on the inside. “We’ve been talking for like, an hour now, and I still haven’t asked what your job is. I’ve been really curious ever since you told me you took a day off just for this. Are you like the boss or something?”

Ah. Of course.

A question like this is inevitable, thank god John came prepared. 

“No,” he simply says. “I’m a book binder. I collect and restore books as both a hobby and job.”

“Wow,” she nods her head, now interested as she leans forward and closer to him. She smells so sweet, John feels like he’s snorting sugar. “I didn’t think book binding could earn you so much money. Considering you’re dressed pretty… comfortably. And you have a nice car.”

“It pays enough,” John replies. Sooner or later she’d find out what he really does for a living, and no doubt she’d be scared. John already has a plan of action for when that would happen, but for now, he’ll try to keep it a secret as long as he can. “Pays enough to let me spoil you in the future. In fact, I think I might just start spoiling you now.”

“You say that to every woman you meet?” She quirks an eyebrow, teasing. 

“Just for you. You’re special.”

John sees the way she immediately turns shy and nervous from the statement. It must’ve felt overwhelming, having someone so much older and with more experience to hit on her like that. But John would say it brings a whole different feeling in him, like ego-lifting of some sort, knowing he just might be the only man that treated her right in her life.

Does killing one of her guy friends and storing him in his basement means treating her right? Does stalking her and watching her sleep from across the building is a way to treat her right? Different story to be told for another day.

“I believe you,” she says, smiling. 

Of course you do.

John diverts her attention from him. “You’re a veterinary student and also part time in a veterinary clinic. What made you want to pursue it?”

“Uh, let’s see. I don’t really have like, a very logical reason for it. I just really love animals and I want them to be part of my job as well,” she shrugs. “As for the part time thing, one of my older friends works there and got me in to gain some experience. I don’t really do much, I help with the paperworks and watch how they do stuff around there.”

I know.

“Your unconditional love for animals is logical enough.”

“I know right. Best job in the world, I might add. I get to pet all kinds of different animals everyday, and mind you I’m not even a real doctor yet,” she giggles, then tilts her head in curiosity. “Do you have a pet, John?”

“I do. I have a dog,” he answers, taking a sip of his own milkshake. It’s sweet, it’s something he’s not used to, but it reminds him of her. “Unfortunately, I haven’t named her yet.”

She frowns. “Why not?”

“I don’t know how to. I’m not good with names,” John shrugs. This conversation with her alone just might be the longest conversation he’s ever shared with someone ever since Helen died. And even with his late wife, he wasn’t as talkative as this. “Maybe you could name her. She’s a large pitbull but surprisingly very gentle for her size.”

“Oh my god, John, I have to meet her!” She beams. “Maybe on our next date, don’t you think? Let’s bring her with us to the park, have a little picnic there or something.”

Next date.

She wants to go on another date with him and she is making this a lot easier for John.

His lips stretch into a rare smile, fingers twitching subtly around the glass as he stares right into her eyes. There’s no hidden intention behind them, just pure adoration with a twinge of hope. Probably hopes that John wants the same thing as her, but he wouldn’t let her know that she is in for a lot more than she bargained for.

“I can’t wait for our next one.”

*

John could still remember the little things that made him feel human. 

Back in the Marines, when he first killed somebody, he felt a tremendous amount of guilt and self-hating that he couldn’t sleep for a week. He’d have nightmares of it; of holding his gun up to somebody’s head and blowing it up with just one single movement. The residue of the flesh splattered all over his face, some of them even went to his mouth. His hands shaked but he didn’t let his crew see it. In their eyes, that wasn’t the first time he had done it.

When he was recruited by Viggo and his little minions, the guilt of killing people was still there, but barely. He used to wish he didn’t feel any guilt or remorse at all every time he pulled a trigger, but looking back at it now, he wishes he could just take it all back. It was only guilt that he felt most of his life, but it made John human.

Now, he doesn’t feel very human as he stands in the middle of an abattoir holding a machete with pints of blood pooling at his shoes.

Back then, he used to kill. Point, shoot, leave. A very short routine he told himself to stick with unless he wanted to get in trouble. But now, he is not only just killing. John is fucking slaughtering people.

His eyes land on the dead body hanging from the meat hook. Naked, gutted alive just a few moments ago. His stomach is sliced open with his own intestines wrapped around his neck, and it fucking stinks.

The raw stench of human blood mixing with the already reeking smell of the slaughtered pigs hanging just besides the one John had slaughtered himself. 

Really, John should feel even just a little amount of remorse or disgust. His client didn’t particularly gave him a specific order on how to fucking kill the target, John did it himself. He didn’t know what the fuck was he thinking when he was doing the wet work, all he knows is that he’s getting worse each day that passes.

The killing part took some time considering the man certainly put up a fight. He was smuggling drugs inside the pigs he was slaughtering. It works on people too, though it’s too risky. Dying with balloons of cocaine up your throat or ass isn’t exactly the way you’d want to die, nor the kind of state you want your body to be in.

John really didn’t mean to go this far, but all the pent up anger and frustration led him to do something so ugly. He feels like a ticking bomb. Every second a little part of humanity just starts fading away, who knows what would happen if all of it were gone. 

This is his first kill since his date with his bambi. That was five days ago. John decided to take another job while he’s waiting for her next decision. He doesn’t want to look clingy and creepy by constantly texting her every chance he gets, so he lets her do it in her own phase. Though, waiting for her texts sure did take a lot of rampant rage on John’s side. Lots of broken furniture and a creepy amount of hours watching her sleep from across the building. 

Just because John is letting her do her own thing for the meantime, doesn’t mean he gets to take his eyes off of her. It’s for the best. 

Their last conversation was yesterday. It was a pretty long conversation, but not long enough for John’s satisfaction. She left it off by saying she’s going to be busy studying for her test and cleaning her apartment, which John didn’t have the time to check if she was telling the truth since he was busy himself.

John is dying to see her again but he knows he’s gonna have to wait it out in the Continental. Or maybe if he’s feeling a little bit insane, he’d ditch having to rest and spend his time sitting on a dusty chair in the same dusty room he’s been staying in for awhile; the building across from her apartment. But until then he’ll have to see where time will take him.

His phone ringing in his jacket is what snaps him from his thoughts. Bringing a bloodied hand to get it, he almost couldn’t press the screen by the slippery liquid covering his fingers. John presses the phone to his ear, waiting for the person to speak.

“Hey, boss. How’s Russia treating you so far? Hopefully not great ‘cause I’ve got some news that will cheer you up.” The deep voice of Alex echoes in the abattoir. It must’ve slipped John’s mind that he had sent Alex again to tail her again while he’s out overseas.

He furrows his brows, curious. “How is she?”

“Hm, let’s see here. Your little pet has been up and about all day with her little friends after they’ve finally noticed the disappearance of that little shit we took care of a while back – speaking of which, how is he by the way?”

“Rotting. Dissolving in my basement,” John replies, hands tightening around the handle of the machete. So this is what she’s been doing and the reason why she hasn’t messaged him all day. “I say the fucker got what he deserved. He’s a creep who preys on women to rape, I’m just thankful we got him out of the way before he got to her.”

“Yeah, well. She doesn’t know that and I doubt she’d even stop looking for her creepy friend unless they’ve found him. What do you want me to do?”

“Give it a day or two. Wait for me to get back and I’ll take it from there.”

“Anything else?” John hears loud chattering in the background, he furrows his brows.

“Yeah. Where are you right now?”

“Uhh, keeping her in my sight like you told me to?” Alex sounds particularly sassy. John doesn’t know if he should be pleased or not. “She’s at a restaurant. I think she’s having a meeting with her other friends or something – she looks upset.”

“Upset because of her missing friend, I assume.”

“Probably. Have you talked to her at all today, boss? Pretty sure I have not yet seen her pick up her phone all day.”

“No,” John simply says. “But she will. I’m sure of it.”

“I see you’ve finally gotten her dependent on you now.”

“Not enough, apparently, since she’s gone a full day without talking to me.”

“Well, you’re definitely getting there,” Alex says under his breath. “I’m going now, boss. They’re leaving to god knows where.”

John doesn’t say anything else, only ending the call and pocketing back his phone. He looks around the area, the coppery smell of blood is stronger than before. He is the reason why it stinks in here, the reason why there’s so much blood and brutality. The body that hangs right in front of him is lifelessly staring with dead, cold eyes. John resists the urge to shove a balloon of fucking cocaine into his stomach, the same thing he’s been doing with these pigs, brutalize him more if that’s even possible, but he knows it wouldn’t help his already worsening mentality.

The thought of someone seeing this body and thinking about how fucked up the person who did this doesn’t concern him as much as it should. 

Instead, John turns his heels and walks away from the scene. 

*

Unsurprisingly, getting her to depend on John isn’t the hardest task to do.

It just might be the easiest.

The moment John arrives at the Continental, he takes his time to message his bambi. It’s only reasonable, he wouldn’t come out as a clingy creep since it’s been a full day since his last message, he has every right to know what and how she’s doing despite already getting enough pictures and updates from Alex.

He asks her how she’s been, waits for approximately ten minutes before he finally gets a reply. In those ten minutes, John takes his time scrolling through the pictures Alex had sent him. Pictures of her bundled up in large, colorful sweaters and wearing a frown on her pretty face. She looks rough, but she makes looking rough look good.

Bambi : hi, john :(( sorry i didn’t text you all day. was busy with something 

John : That’s alright, I understand. I’m just glad you replied. Did something come up? Was it about school?

Bambi : kind of. my friend from school is missing and we don’t know where he is. we’re worried because he hasn’t answered any of our calls for a week and his apartment is practically empty.

Reading that almost makes him resist an urge to sickly smile to himself. His fingers hover the screen, careful of what his next words might be. 

John : I’m sorry to hear that. Have you gotten any updates from the police? What did they say?

Bambi : nothing yet unfortunately. no one saw him the night he went missing :( 

John : I’m sure you’ll find him soon enough. I hope nothing extremely bad happened to your friend.

He sounds… manipulating. There aren’t any more words that could describe what John is doing to her. He doesn’t even know if he can still make up excuses to tell himself that everything is completely fine and normal.

The girl that he likes is currently sharing about the horrifying tragedy her ‘friend’ is facing, the horrifying tragedy being John’s fault, and he’s fucking lying about it. And what truly terrifies him the most is not about the fact that he’s manipulating her, he’s terrified because it feels normal and just… fine.

Normal, normal, normal–

Can John really win her over by going this path? If not, would it really matter?

He will still have the upper hand if this doesn’t end well. But then again, there’s a very small chance that it wouldn’t – if not none at all. John just needs to play his cards well and there wouldn’t be a problem. 

Bambi : thank you john. really hope that too. it doesn’t feel the same without him

John’s jaw ticks.

What do you mean it doesn’t feel the same without that fucker? I killed him for you! He was a creep who only wanted to fuck you and take you away from me and–

A dangerous feeling suddenly surge into his veins that he wants to put back together all the pieces of that fucker just to destroy it in his hands once again.

Maybe mutilating him and dissolving him in pure acid just isn’t enough. Maybe he deserved more. Maybe John should’ve took his fucking time torturing that little shit instead of killing him instantly.

John : And how are you? I hope you’re not too worried about this matter that you start to forget about taking care of yourself.

Bambi : i’m doing fine, but a bit sad bc of it. i also miss you and i wish u’re here so i wouldn’t be too sad

And just like that, it’s like all his resentment and rage just one minute prior vanished in a snap of a finger. A small smile makes its way to his face and a surge of ego soars into his chest. She has no idea she’s got a dangerous assassin wrapped around her finger and the consequences it’d bring her.

Bambi : are u still overseas? when will you be back?

John : Tomorrow, hopefully.

John : And I miss you too, sweetheart. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I finish work.

Bambi : can’t wait to see you. do u want me to pick u up at the airport? :D

John : Thank you, baby, but that won’t be necessary. I don’t want to keep you busy when you already have too much in your hands.

Bambi : mkay. but call me or text me when u arrive, ok?

John : Of course.

*

John is not stupid.

If he ever noticed a man following his every step, he didn’t once care or say a word.

It’s one of Winston’s men, obviously, following him around throughout his business in Russia up to boarding the same plane as him back to New York. Considering John had managed to catch on pretty quickly at the fact that Winston sent someone to trail him, this poor guy is not doing a particularly good job.

At first, John thought about taking care of the guy himself and bringing Winston a souvenir of his dog’s fingers or even one of his eyeballs, but decided that he is not that cruel.

He could be, but knowing he holds all the power over several people under The Table makes John wants to play the game a little longer and just fucking shiver in excitement.

Obviously Winston had noticed that John is up to no good. Not that it’s any of his business, he’s more likely just scared for his own life. He’s probably thinking it was a bad idea to bring John back into the game now that he’s living up to the horrors of his reputation and giving people exactly what they wanted.

When John first returned to the field, it was only to avenge his late wife and nothing more. But now that a bigger monster has grown within him over the course of his stay, he’s now also looking for the fuel to his fire.

And boy did he find it.

The fuel being in the form of a young woman who’s unaware of how much power she has over John. It’s only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose. 

*

10:56 PM.

“Hello.”

“Hello? John?”

“It’s me, darling. How are you?”

“Doing fine. Studying for my exam and all. Why are you calling at this hour, though?”

“Just wanted to let you know that I just arrived back in New York and see how you’re doing.”

“Oh, John, it’s so late. I was thinking earlier that you would arrive tomorrow morning or afternoon, you didn’t tell me you boarded a flight.”

“I wanted to be back as soon as possible and wanted to surprise you, but my flight got delayed so I only just arrived now.”

A soft laugh rings in his ear.

“You’re so cheeky. We can just meet up tomorrow if you’d like, go on a picnic at a park or something. I really, really wanna meet your dog.”

John hears a sigh, then the sound of paper rustling in the background. He counts – one, two, three – here it comes.

“I miss you, John.”

He pushes the curtain aside with two fingers, peering his eyes in the small opening as he watches the figure at the other side of the building. She’s sitting on her study desk in front of a laptop, freshly showered and wearing specs that John can’t help his heart to ache.

It’s been so long.

“I miss you too, sweetheart. Couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was away.”

“That’s very sweet. I hope you brought souvenirs for me, though, or otherwise I will be very sad.”

“How can I forget? I bought everything that reminded me of you when I was there.”

“Now you’re just spoiling me.” Another laugh, then John sees her getting up from the chair and laying on the bed. “I’m happy that I’d get to see you again tomorrow, John. Everything that’s been happening is just so… I don’t know. Stressful, I guess. From my friend missing and school work, I don’t even know where to start. I just wanna be with you again.”

The mention of her friend Jay ticks him the wrong way, but he can’t also help but notice the longing and desperation laced in her voice as she said the last part. John knows it wouldn’t be too hard for her to be dependent on him, he just didn’t expect it to be this easy. They’ve only met once in real life, but their constant texting and calling through the phone makes it up for it. 

“Don’t let yourself worry too much on matters that don’t concern you.”

Silence, then John watches her bite her nail anxiously. “What do you mean by that, John?”

He doesn’t particularly like the way his name just rolls off her tongue like that – like she’s his age, the same way Helen used to call him. He doesn’t want to be reminded of Helen when he’s with his little bambi, it just makes him feel even shittier with the situation. It sorta reminds John how much he truly changed when he lost Helen.

“Don’t worry about your friend too much. I know it’s hard that he’s missing, but don’t put him first before your own well being,” John advises, manipulation just dripping off his tongue like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He doubts she would notice, though. “I’m sure the police got it covered by now. I’m more worried about you.”

John could still see her expression through the window despite being far away. She’s thinking about it, letting herself get swayed by his lies and persuasion. She’s too easy, she just doesn’t know it herself, but John does. And he’s going to take advantage of it as much as he can. 

He counts again – one, two, three – and she’s dropping her hand to the bed and sighing softly. There she is.

“Okay. You’re probably right, I worry too much.”

John doesn’t reply but gives a silent hum that indicates he’s agreeing. He sees her taking off her glasses and putting it on the bedside table, suddenly the itch in his hands is back.

There’s a voice nagging at the back of his head and asking him just what the fuck is he doing, that he should stop this madness before it gets out of hand, but would that really make a difference? Even if John did stop, he’d still continue to live with the fact that he was a monster who stalked a young woman out of sheer obsession. He’d already got her dependent on him, he’d already laid out the plan on how this would turn out, why is he suddenly questioning now?

He had done stuff that was worse than manipulating. He didn’t feel a single drop of empathy when he was slaughtering people and shooting them in the head, but why does he feel guilty manipulating her?

“John? Did you already fall asleep on me?”

Soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts, then it’s followed by a soft giggle. John feels butterflies exploding in his stomach. 

“Sorry. I was just–”

“It’s okay, John, you can sleep. You’ve probably had a long day since you’ve been on a flight and everything. I’m going to sleep now too, we have a date tomorrow, remember? Don’t forget.” The faux strictness in her voice makes him smile, then he sees her smiling just as big through the window; giddy and excited. “Goodnight, John. It’s really nice talking to you again. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hangs up first, smiling to herself before putting the phone back to her nightstand. She settles on the bed comfortably, tucking herself into her blanket, unaware of the fact that there’s a monster lurking on the other building, watching her every move like a hawk.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the old mirror on the dusty wall, dressed in black and predatory, reminiscent of the devil himself. 

Might as well live up to the name.

*

John is aware of how dead he looks in people’s eyes. He barely smiles, he’s always dressed in black, and he always has trouble showing emotions through his face. He makes sure that he gives off that aura that shows how much he dislikes everyone in the fucking room. How much he just wants to pull out his gun and shoot every single one of them in the head.

John despises the way they look at him. Like they pity him for losing his wife, for getting dragged back to the life he had already left. Though, he can’t really blame them, really. He used to pity himself too, even now for letting himself get even worse, but he wouldn’t really call it pity. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not pity.

The next day is interesting, to say the least.

He couldn’t get a minute of sleep the night before, the image of her sleeping so peacefully without a worry in the world bored into his mind. It’s extremely fascinating to him just how careless and… dumb she is. Dumb in a way that it’s benifiting John – the both of them, actually – and not in an offensive kind of way.

It was around two in the morning when he returned back to the hotel, managed to sleep for an hour or two before ripping off the blankets and had a drink the first thing in the morning. John didn’t bother taking a nap after that, just walking around the room making sure all is well and everything will be according to plan.

At 8 AM, she texted John a good morning and said it would be better for their date to be at 4 PM. John then replied that it was perfect, though he doubts he can wait that long.

12 PM, for a man as calm and collected as John, he sure as hell can’t fucking sit still in one place.

He’s paranoid. No amount of texts from his bambi is enough to keep him calm. The time is ticking too slowly for his liking and he has no other things to do in his free time. Except be paranoid.

John grabs his coat, kisses his dog goodbye and decides to stop by a grocery store to prepare for their date. He should at least make them both a sandwich and buy drinks, knowing that the little gesture would be enough to put a smile on her face.

1 PM, John comes back with shit ton of paper bags in his arms. He’s doing too much, he knows it, but too much is still better than not enough.

John goes to the kitchen to prepare. The orphanage taught him how to cook – well, not really. John taught himself how to cook, because if he’s not going to cook for himself and half of the kids back in Ruska, they’d all be dead with no survival instincts to save them from starvation. Being an assassin who could withstand any form of torture all while not knowing how to cook would be the greatest joke of the century. John’s not the one to be laughed out.

2 PM, everything is settled and in place, his little bambi texts him to let him know that she’s getting ready and cannot wait for their date. John then takes his time to get ready too.

3 PM, John is dressed in a nice white t-shirt with a brown leather jacket on top. He looks civilised, no one would know a damn thing that he’s one of the most feared men in the underworld who slaughters people for a living.

His dog is quiet in the corner, chewing on her bone toy until John puts a collar and leash around her neck. Her eyes perks up in excitement, already knowing they would go outside to play. John always takes his time making sure she gets to socialize with other dogs, whether it’s in a park or just down the street.

“You’re excited, baby?” John murmurs, petting her ears softly as he kneels down to her position. “You’re gonna meet someone special. Want you to be nice to her, alright? She’s gonna be your mom.”

John hauls everything into his car in a matter of minutes. The picnic basket, the blanket, his gifts for his little one that he got from Russia, also including his dog. She’s behaved yet excited as she peeks in the mirror watching her owner work.

He slides into the driver’s seat and locks his seatbelt, starting up the car and driving away from the hotel. Earlier, John had seen a couple of his co-workers loading up his trunk dressed like he’s going on a date – because he is – no doubt they’re snitching and would tell Winston. He couldn’t care less.

He arrives outside her apartment after thirty minutes, parking his car right by the entrance. He can’t help but grimace as he looks around the place. He remembers meeting her here, the day after he killed that good-for-nothing junkie. He wonders if she ever got the news, how she reacted when someone got killed the same day John was visiting her area.

It won’t be long before she wouldn’t be living in this area no more. It’s too dangerous, filled with a bunch of goons who get themselves tangled up in petty gang wars. John knows a gangster when he sees one, and it looks like every single man who lives in these crowded apartments are either pushers or gangsters with no sense of direction in life.

She doesn’t belong here. She should be in John’s house, locked up and isolated where she’s safe under his supervision. He would treat her like a princess, give her the things she deserve.

John gets out of the car, pulls out his phone and sends her a message to let her know he’s outside her building. He leans against the car as he waits.

A minute passes and a very happy bambi appears in the elevator, dressed in a pretty sundress and a white tote bag with a text John can’t see. She’s beaming up at him as she exits the building, and John hasn’t got the time to react before she’s lunging herself forward and going on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck.

“Whoa easy,” John murmurs, immediately wrapping his arms around her waist for support, placing his face in the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent; it’s sweet, not a surprise. “You miss me that much?”

“So much, you don’t even wanna know,” she murmurs in his chest, not quite reaching his neck despite being on her tiptoes. “I hope you miss me just as much.”

John pulls away, gives her a look as he places her large hands on her hips. “I might’ve missed you more than you missed me.”

She giggles, John could see her eyes through the heart-shaped sunglasses she’s wearing. It’s cute. “That’s not possible, I will fight you for it.”

“Hm,” John hums, eyes wandering down her lips to her dress. It stops just above her knees, John has to mentally prepare himself for the worst. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she says sheepishly. “You like it? I think it’s the perfect picnic outfit.”

“I love it,” John clarifies. “Looks perfect on you.”

“You look gorgeous yourself,” she giggles, eyeing John up and down teasingly, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. He isn’t so sure how to react to that, hopefully his dick wouldn’t take the liberty to rise from the dead at this moment. “This is the first time I’ve seen you not wearing any suits. Domestic looks good on you.”

“What can I say, I’m a changed man.” John means both good and bad. “And before we go, I want to introduce you to someone.”

Before she gets a chance to ask, John slides out of the way from his position of covering the car window and reveals a very happy pitbull waiting to be introduced to her mother.

Her smile is wide when she spots John’s pet excitedly wagging her tail inside the car. “Oh my god, she is beautiful! John, open the door, hurry, hurry, hurry–”

“Okay, okay–”

The moment John pulls the door open, the dog comes rushing out to jump and starts licking her face.

“Oh, lookie here, baby! You’re such a cutie! What’s your name, hm? Don’t got a name yet? Your dad can’t think of a name to give ya’?” 

Her giggles are like music to his ears.

The sound of paws pattering on the concrete and her high pitched voice talking to the dog fills the empty street in a matter of seconds. When she isn’t looking, John begins looking around the area, his eyes landing on the apartment building where he preys at some nights. 

There’s a person at the front desk, staring at him like he knows something, and like a switch that goes off in his brain, John recognizes this man as the same one who bumped into him a few nights ago in the hallway in front of the abandoned room where he’s staying.

They meet eyes, John flashes him a knowing look, then the man immediately looks away.

John’s jaw ticks. He’s gonna have to deal with that later.

He turns his attention back to where it’s most needed. She’s still playing with the dog, crouching beside the car while the puppy just drowns in her affection. John really hates to break the moment.

“Shall we get going?” He interjects, voice deeper than usual, still feeling a little on the edge from that man by the front desk earlier.

“Sure. She gonna be in the backseat?”

“You bet.”

John opens the door for the both of them and lets her help the puppy get inside. Before he slams the door close, he makes sure to take another look at the apartment, seeing the man already staring back at him.

Yeah. He’s really gonna have to deal with that later.

*

They arrive at the park around 4:25 and John is the one to set up their spot while she and the puppy play in the empty field. It’s empty, totally empty, and John couldn’t be more thankful than that since he really doesn’t want to be around other people besides her. She’s the only one that matters.

John notices that she brought her own dog toys, probably the ones she keeps to herself since she does work in a vet clinic after all. The sight of her happily running around the grass with his dog is enough to bring him to his knees, he is only but a man.

John calls her to eat and the two of them come running towards him and plops down on the soft blanket next to the basket full of fruits.

“Had fun?” John speaks, sitting beside her on the ground as he watches her get a plate of pasta for the two of them. She insists she gets to plate their food, John lets her.

“Very. Didn’t know she’s quite energetic, luckily for her I can match her energy extremely well.”

“It comes with being young, I guess. Can’t really relate,” he jokes, receiving the plate full of pasta she gives him while she snickers at the statement.

“Come on, John. You’re still fit despite being old.” John watches her take a bite of the food. He’s not subtle, he’s straight up staring at her lips as she wraps her mouth around the fork, savoring the flavor with closed eyes. “Hm, this is delicious. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“By myself,” he shrugs, taking a bite of his food to keep him from taking a bite of her instead. “I’m surprised you aren’t creeped out.”

“With what?”

“With my age,” John makes it clear. “You’re young with a bright future ahead of you–”

“Yet here I am having a date with an old man?” she interjects, wiggles her eyebrows, teasing clearly with the way she emphasizes the last part. “I can’t believe you thought I’m gonna get creeped out. You’re a grown man with a stable job and not to mention very hot, I find that very sexy.”

“You think I’m sexy?” he raises a brow.

“Yes, I think you’re very sexy. I haven’t once encountered a guy my age who has the same status as you,” she sets down the plate on her lap for a moment. “You know, experienced and mature.”

“I see,” John nods. It’s very clear that she’s always found the people who contrast her so well attractive. She wants a savior that would save her from everything, luckily John fits in the description quite too well. 

They delve in a normal conversation after that. John makes sure to steer away all questions regarding him and his life, a way to learn more about her other than the pictures and videos and information he’d been sent by Alex.

John already knows a lot about her, it wouldn’t hurt to learn a little more.

Ten minutes go by, a bottle of wine has been pulled out of the basket and she’s spilling her whole life to John in a matter of moments. From lttle memories from childhood to how she moved from her hometown to New York to get away from her father. How when she was younger, she begged her toys to talk to her and she wouldn’t tell anyone. How their family pet back in the days impacted the choices she made to choose her career path – to become a veterinarian.

John listens. He’s always been good at listening instead of talking, so he listens. 

5 PM, the two of them play with the dog and she decides to name her “Blue.”

“Is it because she has blue eyes?” John asks.

“Yeah. Not really original, I know, but it fits her.”

“Blue is perfect.”

It’s already 6 PM when they decide to head home. She’s still talking the moment they’re in the car and John is still listening. There’s something about her voice that just… pulls him in. It’s so sweet and soft.

When they arrive outside her apartment complex, it’s dead silent. 

“I really enjoyed our date today, John,” she smiles when he opens the door for her, now standing in front of him and looking up to meet his eyes. “The pasta was delicious. I hope I get to eat more of them in the future – and oh, I really, really enjoyed playing with Blue! I’m so thankful that you let me name her even though it wasn’t really special–”

“Hush,” John jokingly interrupts. “The night might be over, but I can assure you that I will see you soon again.”

“How soon would that be again?”

“Eager to see me already?”

“Maybe.”

“You know I always make time for you, sweetheart,” John croons, placing a large hand on her chin and staring deeply into her eyes. “Is it too early for me to kiss you?”

She laughs, then wraps her arms around his waist to pull him in closer. John looks at her and falls in love for what to be a millionth time today. She never fails to take his breath away. “Not too early, I promise you. You should’ve done that sooner.”

“Well, I’m gonna do it now.”

Before she can add another word, John leans down to smash his lips against hers, his large hand finding its way on the small of her back to deepen the kiss that she can’t help but whimper into his mouth.

Fuck.

Her lips are so, so soft. John can still taste the lingering sweetness of the wine from earlier and being so close to her that her scent is shutting off his entire brain. If he won’t stop, he might just end up fucking her on the hood of his car until she can’t walk straight.

Their lips move in tandem and she’s following his head like she always does. Her small hands are gripping his leather jacket for support, so pliant and vulnerable, already trusting him enough to kiss him on their second date. 

This is a sudden shift in his universe, John knows he’s already won.

He’s the first to pull away and their lips are wet and connected with saliva. She’s flushed and out of breath like expected, John wants nothing more but to break her and make her his.

Oh wait, she already is.

“How was that?” John asks, voice deep.

“I wanna do it again.”

He chuckles, rubbing his thumb on her cheeks while she’s busy avoiding his eyes. “Let’s save it for next time.”

He’s gonna control himself.

“That next time better come by fast,” she threatens jokingly. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Don’t talk like you’re not gonna see me for days, baby,” John whispers. “You know I won’t let you go that easily. You’re mine now.”

He doesn’t miss the way her pupils dilated and the way the clutch she has on his leather jackets becomes tighter. She’s already fallen deep into his trap, John wants to push his claws in even deeper.

“Say it again,” she mutters, leaning in against his warm large hand as she closes her eyes. “Say it again. Please.”

John smiles when she isn’t looking. He really won.

“You’re mine.”

*

That same night, 4 AM, John is back in his work clothes and arranging something in a dark room.

The stench of metallic blood hitting his nose, and he stands in the middle of the room to inhale that scent – god, does he truly miss it.

The sight of a man in front of him wakes something dangerous within John’s veins. Hands tied up behind the chair, head dropped forward, lifeless and cold. His lower stomach is open, guts hanging off the floor as the other half is used to gag him in the mouth. His eyes are missing, John took the liberty to take them out for staring at him too much, and he couldn’t be any more relieved when he did.

“What do you know?” John had asked as soon as the man woke up from his head concussion.

“Y-You!” The man had yelled, John didn’t bother finding out his name. “You fucking creep –”

John’s hands twitched beside him. He remained silent.

The man went on a rant about how he’d seen John around lurking outside the apartment complex and using the abandoned room on the fifth floor and that’s all John needed to know.

He didn’t need another pair of eyes to tell him what’s right and wrong. Winston is already enough.

The next morning, John receives a text from none other than his bambi. A picture of numerous police cars outside her apartment and an ambulance, and another picture of a dead body covered in white blanket getting pulled out of the building.

Bambi : there was an accident that happened near me, john :(( 

Bambi : the police said somebody was killed and i’m scared

Bambi : they said he was gutted alive 

John is smiling to himself when he types his response.

John : What kind of a sick person would do something like that?

He is not a sick person. He’s just in love.

Taglist: aerangi starrgir1 heluvsvalefr danika1994 fraisejoon doggodorime ohmytate

#john wick #john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick imagine #john wick fanfic #john wick fanfiction #john wick chapter 4 #john wick 4 #keanu reeves #jw #my works #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves imagine #john wick smut #jw4 #jw3 #jw2 #damn there are a lot of tags

[no-phrogs-in-hats]

Baby Steps Part 2

Larissa Weems x pregnant!reader

Summary: The extended family receives an unexpected Christmas present

Warnings: Mentions of miscarriage, light NSFW

Read Part 1 here

Heavy breathing filled Larissa’s office as you climbed into her lap, pressing kisses down the side of her neck. After stopping at her office to put back some files, Larissa became sidetracked after a few emails were seen in her inbox and as you watched her work, your mind became engrossed in thoughts of her pushing you against the desk and taking you right there.

“This is the third time this week we’ve done this in my office…and it’s Christmas holiday,” Larissa chuckled.

“It’s these stupid fucking hormones,” you hissed, placing a harsh kiss on Larissa’s lips. 

“Well,” Larissa said, smiling into another kiss, “I’m liking these stupid fucking hormones. But, darling, we’re going to be late for dinner at your grandparents’ house.”

“We can be quick!” you argued as you started taking off your blouse. “Please, Larissa! I need you to fuck me!”

As badly as she wanted to give into your begging–and usually she did–she looked at her watch and saw the time, taking your hands in hers and putting soft kisses on them. “Sweetheart, you know how much I’d love to, but we told your grandparents we’d be there at three and it’s almost two-fifty.”

You groaned and dropped your head into the crook of her neck. “Fine.”

“How about later tonight,” Larissa said into your hair, “after we get home, I can draw us a bath…give you a massage…give you one last Christmas present…”

You sat upright and put your hand over her mouth. “You need to stop saying those things, otherwise I won’t last until later tonight.”

“Should we even tell them?” you ask from the passenger seat.

Larissa glanced at you before turning her focus back on the road. “What do you mean?”

“My family. I’m not even in my second month,” you huff. “Ten to twenty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and eighty percent of those miscarriages are before the twelfth week.”

You heard Larissa sigh, no doubt seeing where you’re coming from. “That’s true,” she said. “The way I see it, though, is that if you do have one–God forbid–you’ll have your family there to support you.”

“I guess that’s true,” you mumble. There was a sinking feeling in your stomach as the car turned into your grandparents’ driveway. Your parents’ car was there, your aunt’s and uncle’s, your sister’s car, and three other cars you didn’t recognize. “And we brought the ultrasound pictures confirming I am actually pregnant. Might as well show them.”

When the car was put in park, you went to unbuckle yourself before Larissa stopped you with a hand on your arm. “Sweetheart, if you don’t want to tell them, you don’t have to.”

“Really,” you said. “It’s okay. We can tell them. They’ll get suspicious when I turn down a glass of wine, anyway.”

Larissa let out an amused hum and pulled you in for a soft kiss. “I love you.”

Cheers of “Hi!” and “There they are!” and dogs barking filled the kitchen as you and Larissa entered the house. You took turns hugging each family member, giving them your love and wishes of a merry Christmas.

For the first time since the positive pregnancy test, the smell of food made you nauseous. While in the past, the smell of your grandmother’s braciole made your mouth water upon entry to her house, this time around, your breakfast was threatening to come up. On top of that, a bowl of shrimp sat on the kitchen island with other snacks–chips, a charcuterie board, mixed nuts–and the smell of it seemed to be stronger now in your current condition.

“You alright, dear?” your grandmother asked. “You’re looking a little pale.”

“I’m fine, Nana, really,” you reassured her.

The entire party moved to the living room to open presents. Everyone took their turn with your grandfather playing “Santa” as he did every year. And as he did that every year, your present was the same each year as well: In the bag handed to you there was a special ornament customized specifically for you, along with a soft throw-blanket, fuzzy socks, a calendar, and a useful gadget. A second bag was handed to you, and pulling out the tissue paper, it revealed an expensive bottle of wine.

“I saw that when I was in Italy a couple months back,” your grandfather said. “I know you like your reds so I thought you’d like to try it. It’s twenty-five percent alcohol, though, so be careful.”

Everyone around you giggled and you shot a look at Larissa, grinning. “Don’t worry, I will be.”

When a gift bag was handed to Larissa, you nearly cried–you figured it had to be the hormones because she had received a gift every Christmas since you got married and you hadn’t cried once. But there was something about realizing she was truly a part of your family that made you tear up.

“Honey, are you okay?” you heard your mom ask.

Your response came out as a squeak, “Yep. I’m fine. Just give me one second.”

You left the room quickly, going outside on the front porch where the cold air filled your lungs and brought you back to reality. As you were wiping your tears away, the door behind you opened, and you were expecting Larissa’s voice, but when you heard your sister’s, you startled.

“Alright,” she said, “spill. What’s up?”

“Nothing, Mia. I’m fine.”

She scoffed. “You’re a shitty liar, you know that, right? I still remember you trying to lie your way out of skipping class when we went to Nevermore. Then you got a week’s detention. I laughed the second you showed me that slip of yellow paper.”

“I know,” you groaned. “I was there.”

“Mhm…” There was a moment of silence between you two before she spoke up again. “So, what’s–”

“I’m pregnant.”

She gasped. “Mom’s gonna kill you!”

“I’m thirty-years-old, dumbass!” you shouted before giggling after. “I’m only a month along. Don’t tell anyone yet. Larissa and I were gonna tell everyone over dinner.”

“My lips are sealed,” Mia said. “Have you had an ultrasound yet?”

You pulled out a column of ultrasound pictures. “It’s only five weeks, so it’s just a little blob,” you said. “Got it done on the 21st.”

Mia looked at the pictures closely. “Well, it may just be a blob, but it’s a cute blob…I hope it’s a girl.”

“Me too,” you chuckled. “I dunno if I’d be able to handle a boy.”

“Well, whatever it is, I know you and Larissa will be amazing parents.” Mia smiled and pulled you in for a hug. “And if you suck at parenting, I’m always here to help.”

“Thanks, Mia, that’s really reassuring.”

“Nana, this braciole is phenomenal,” Mia said. 

“Same recipe as last year,” your grandmother said. “I put more love into it this year, though.”

You leaned into Larissa, lowering your voice. “That means she licked the spoon twice while making the sauce.”

As Larissa giggled quietly, you saw your mother whisper to your aunt and then look at you. “Sweetheart,” your aunt said, “are you not having any wine?”

You saw this coming, but knew that no matter what you said, they wouldn’t believe you. “I told you they were gonna say something, Larissa,” you mumbled to her. “I just don’t feel like having any.”

“Bullshit!” your mother called. “Last Christmas you drank half a bottle of wine and sang Baby It’s Cold Outside as a duet with Larissa during karaoke. Then went on a rant about how creepy that song actually is and how the girl in it sounds like she’s getting roofied.”

You completely blanked. “It is creepy!”

“What’s the real reason you’re not drinking?” You watched a grin grow on your mother’s face, a part of you knowing she’s probably figured you out already. You sighed and set your fork down. “Alright. Mom, Dad, close your eyes.”

You got up from your seat and moved around the table to where your parents were sitting. As they sat with their eyes covered by their hands, you reached into your back pocket and pulled out the ultrasound pictures. The second everyone saw them, quiet gasps could be heard around the table and smiles lit up the room. You set the pictures down in front of them. “Alright, open your eyes.”

As soon as her eyes opened, you heard your mother gasp. “I knew it! You always drink at family events!”

“Okay, Ma,” you said, “you gotta stop making me sound like a raging alcoholic.”

“I guess that bottle of wine is pretty inappropriate now,” your father chuckled. 

Larissa grinned, taking a drink from her glass. “Don’t worry, I’ll put it to good use.”

“How far along are you?” your father asked.

“About five weeks,” you responded. “The procedure was at the beginning of November and we found out the twenty-fourth.”

Our mother stood up, pulling you into her strong arms. “I’m so happy for you, sweetheart.” She pulled away, lightly dabbing her under eyes with the pad of her finger. “Oh, my first grandbaby–I am going to spoil it endlessly.”

Tag list: @gwenistheloml @barbarasstar @gwendolinechristierulez @furrysharkfart

#larissa weems #larissa weems x reader #fanfic #fluff #gwendoline christie

[lilislegacy]

you may have gotten a similar ask before, but I'm new to your blog, so i just wanted to ask: what do you envision Percy and annabeth's post-college life to be like? how many kids? girl/boy? names? (If they have kids at all?) their jobs? where do they live? what does their house look like? do they have pets? what are their relationships like with the other demigods? This might be a lot for one ask but you seem like you can literally dive right into percabeth's minds so I just thought I'd ask 😅

ok. you have just asked me a question that i instinctually want to answer with a 3,000 word essay. so i am going to keep this as short as possible (which is not short at all.) i’m also open minded, so my headcanons can be changed if i see a take i really love. but these are my own beliefs

i think they get married. definitely after college. i know some people think they don’t marry because of hera, but i can’t stand the thought of them not doing what they want because of a god. (i also have a hc that they kinda blackmail her lol. as in she goes to them needing help - a quest - and they say they’ll do it only if she swears on the styx to never interfere with or harm their marriage)

i think they both do a lot of things over the course of their careers. annabeth is an architect, but she does multiple things with that. she creates some big famous attractions, she designs a greek version of new rome, aka “new greece” or “new athens” or something, maybe she builds hideouts for demigods (suggestion from a previous asker), etc. and for percy, i think he definitely does something that involves helping marine animals. he can literally speak to them - something no one else can do. he also is very protective of all sea animals he encounters in the books. so he needs to be doing that. personally, i love the thought of him becoming an aquatic vet. but there are several other marine animal related jobs that he could do in replacement of/in addition to that. i also see him doing several things throughout this life, and i made a big post about my thoughts there. i’ll link it at the end of this post.

they definitely have kids. no doubt. they’ve been thinking about having kids together since they were 16. i love the thought of them having 3, maybe 4. i think their first is a boy with short blonde curly hair and sea green eyes. i also think he has a “p” name, since his dad is named percy and his paternal grandfathers are poseidon and paul. but i don’t have names for any of them. ive always imagined them having 2 boys close together and then a girl later on. but i don’t have exact ideas, you know?

i think they live in a few different places. they probably start off in new rome, then eventually in new athens/new greece, and then i think nyc again at some point, maybe when the kids are grown. but i think they always try and live on/near beaches or lakes, when possible. (for obvious reasons)

they do a lot of traveling throughout their lives. because annabeth loves it, and percy loves seeing her happy.

they definitely have a family dog (look in the linked post for my thoughts on that.) plus horses/pegusi will always be around their place.

i don’t have exact house details in mind.

and they keep in great contact with all their demigod friends. both roman and greek.

all i know for sure is that they remain best friends who are deeply in love. they’re always each others battle partner. and they do everything in their power to not only protect their kids, but to make sure their childhoods don’t contain the same darknesses that their own childhoods did. they’re amazing parents, and they’re gonna do great things. they’re both going to use their abilities to help so many people and creatures. and their lives will never be dull or “normal.” not even for a second. and they love it.

my thoughts on percy’s career: ⬇️

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #percy x annabeth #percabeth babies #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #pjo #answered ask #anon ask

[neo404]

Hey when you get some free time i would love another part of Proud of you, buddy if you are feeling up to it

Proud of you, buddy. Part 3.

Summary: introduce Jackson to your family.

Tw: cursing?

‘’You told your brothers?!?’’ Jackson is standing on the front door; I nod and he starts to panic. ‘’Oh shit, I’m about to meet them and they know we kissed.’’

‘’They don’t know that; they know you are my boyfriend.’’ He lets out a sigh.

‘’This is fine, I’m fine, I’m cool. I’m a cool guy…’’

‘’Yes, you are.’’ I grab his hand and pull him inside the house. ‘’I’ll call them.’’

‘’WAIT. Give me a second.’’ He rests his head on my shoulder and let’s out a sigh. ‘’Okay, I can do this. I’m so cool and collected, I’m not nervous at all.’’ I laugh at this and kiss his cheek.

‘’Nick! Matt! Chris!’’ they are in the kitchen, wrapping mom’s gifts, talking about mom, she is outside shopping with dad for the dinner, so it’s just us for a bit. I see my brothers entering the living room with a serious face, Chris has his arms crossed over his chest, oh god, this will be funny.

‘’I see, you are the young man that stole my brothers’ heart.’’ Chris talks. ‘’I’m Christopher, sit down.’’ Jackson sits down on the couch immediately.

‘’Jackson, nice to meet you… sir?’’ Chris almost breaks up laughing, I can see it in his face.

‘’Yeah, that sounds right.’’

‘’He is Matthew and he is Nicolas.’’ They nod along as Chris introduces them.

‘’And just so you know, we played lacrosse and hockey when we were in high school so we can pretty much beat you ass.’’ Jackson gulps and nods, Matt was serious, that was not part of the joke.

‘’So…’’ I clap my hands, now that we all know each other, we can go back to what we were doing.’’ I practically shove the 3 of them into the kitchen. ‘’What is wrong with you?? Christopher, Matthew and Nicolas, are you serious? He is scared.’’

Matt smiles and nods. ‘’yeah, that’s the point.’’

‘’Too much point Matt.’’

‘’Whatever.’’ He mutters.

‘’It was not my idea.’’ Nick says raising his hands. ‘’I just played along.’’

‘’Whatever, we will be on the living room.’’ I turn around and start walking out of the kitchen.

‘’Cool, and just so you know we can see you from here, no smoochies or kisses and remember to leave room for Trevor.’’ Chris says laughing.

‘’I’m so sorry, they are not like that, they were just traying to scare you.’’ I sit down besides him.

‘’And they did an amazing job. Jesus, I was shitting my pants.’’ He laughs and hugs me. ‘’Do you think they’ll like me?’’

‘’Nick does, he was just playing along, Chris will eventually and Matt… well, it’s a bit hard to get on his good side, but once you get there, he’ll be the nicest person ever.’’ I smile warmly at him and wrap my arms around him.

---

It passed like 2 hours when I hear the car park outside the house, I jump up from Jacksons arms and pause the movie.

‘’I’m gonna help them with the bags.’’ I whisper to him.

‘’Okay, me too.’’ He stands up and I open the door.

‘’Hi honey.’’ Mom looks at me with bags on her arms. ‘’Oh god, hi Jackson, I thought you were coming for the dinner.’’ Mom gives him a quick hug.

‘’Well, I wanted to spend the day with my friend here. Hope it’s not a problem.’’ He smiles shyly at her. It sounds weird for him to call me that.

‘’Of course, not sweetheart.’’ Matt comes out of the kitchen helping mom with her bags and purse, while telling her about the blue macaw and why is no longer in danger, I see Nick and Chris snacking away with her gifts wrapped up behind Matt. They are so dumb…

‘’Hi Jackson.’’ Dad enter the house and gives me a pat on the back. Jackson smiles and greets him. ‘’Hey kiddo, help me with the other bags.’’ I nod and walk to the car with Jackson.

‘’Okay, I’m more nervous now.’’

‘’It’s okay, my parents are very chill about this.’’

‘’I know. I know. Its just… they’ll see me differently; I’m scared that they won’t think I’m good enough for you.’’ He grabs two bags, and looks at me.

‘’That won’t happen, ever. They don’t think that and they will not think that.’’ I grab the last bag and kiss his cheek. He nods and starts walking inside the house, I close the car door and walk inside too.

----

We are preparing the dinner. Chris, Matt, Dad and Jackson are outside preparing the barbecue, Nick, mom and I were inside the preparing the salad and rice, I look over and Nick and then at the door, he nods and leaves the kitchen.

‘’Hey, mom.’’ I go beside her in the sink.

‘’Yes, honey.’’

‘’Do you think I’m too young to be in love…?’’

‘’Oh no, I don’t think there is an age restriction to fall in love sweety, why? You like someone?’’ I let out a sigh.

‘’Yeah, I really do. And I’m kind of like… dating that person.’’ Mom gasps and turns around.

‘’Really? That’s amazing.’’ She smiles at me and hugs me.

‘’Yeah, the thing is… that person is Jackson.’’

‘’WHAT?!’’ she smiles widely and hugs me tighter. ‘’Your dad owes me money.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Yeah, I told him you guys would date eventually, he told me you liked girls. Guess the mother instinct never fails.’’ She smiles warmly at me. ‘’thank you for telling me sweetheart. When are you planning to tell dad?’’

‘’How do you know I haven’t told him yet?’’

‘’I know you too well.’’ She messes my hair and I smile at her.

‘’You do.’’ I kiss her cheek and go outside. My brothers sitting on the grass fighting with each other as Nick tries to decorate the garden. ‘’Hey dad.’’ I get closer to the barbecue; Jackson is there helping him. ‘’you know how Jackson and I are like… really close and stuff.’’ Dad nods, Jackson looks at me with wide eyes. ‘’Well, he’s kind of my boyfriend.’’ I smile and hide my hands behind my back. Dad look at me with a surprised face.

‘’Oh, don’t tell me that… shit, I owe your mother money.’’

‘’I know.’’ He smiles at me and pats my back.

‘’That’s good kid, he’s a great guy.’’ He then looks at Jackson. ‘’You know, those 3 crazy guys over there used to play hockey and lacrosse, so be careful.’’

‘’THAT’S WHAT WE TOLD HIM!’’ Matt said from the other side of the garden.

‘’That’s what YOU told him.’’ Nick rolls his eyes at them.

#younger!sturniolo #nick sturniolo and younger brother reader #chris sturniolo and younger brother reader #matt sturniolo and younger brother reader

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch from Mercury Season 2 Episode 11 Discussion

- Martin was me the entire episode, freaking the fuck out

- Eri vs Suletta is such a great fight. The two love each other, but their viewpoints and morals are on such opposite wavelengths. Eri, much like Suletta in the past, is doing everything for her mother because she wants her mom to be happy. The Eri we see is simply lines of code reconfigured into what could possibly be construed as a human being. She has Eri’s memories and feelings, but she hasn’t, can’t, grow up, unlike Suletta. Suletta loves her mom, she wants to be there for her, but she can’t accept killing people. She’s realized just how much heavy a life is and so she moves to protect it.

- Peil and the SAL have taken the mantle of final boss. If they really cared about punishing the Benerit Group, they would arrest the leaders, not shoot them with a giant fuck you laser while children are on board all while supporting the people who make nuclear child body doubles. The League is doing exactly what Delling did during the Vanadis incident, right down to the “I’ll take responsibility (but I really won’t)” shtick.

- However what’s interesting is how out of place Elan seems to be. He isn’t sitting down with the Peil ladies, he’s standing off in the corner, staring at his own reflection, and I think this shows a lot of us got his character wrong. Elan is just another child the Peil ladies are taking advantage of. He only got where he was due to sheer luck that the AI picked him, if not, he probably would have either ended up as the other body doubles or dead and discarded. It’s common with abusive parents that they’ll choose a “golden child” and use that child to put down the others, and Elan seems to fit in that mold. I hope he breaks out just like El5n and creates his own life.

- God the Schwarzette is the best fucking Gundam. Between it and Calibarn, how are they ever going to challenge it in the future? It has space rave lasers, it’s sword is the GUND bits and it can become a wing, and it has bisexual lighting.

- Lauda is too good for every one of his haters. He’s been second string to Guel for his entire life, his very name “Lauda Neill” is just a reminder of how he’s a mistress’s child. But here he proudly proclaims himself as “Lauda Jeturk.” His feelings for his brother come from both admiration and self-worthlessness. He puts his entire identity into being Guel’s brother so when Guel falters, he does as well. He wants Guel to rely on him. He wants to be his equal. He put Guel on such a high pedestal because he was everything he wanted to be.

- My poor son Guel. He’s always loved his brother, no matter the fact that they come from different mothers, but as always he has trouble understanding others. Also, we get to see a far darker part of his psyche that most others might have missed. In his fight with Shaddiq, despite being stabbed, he managed to eject and save himself, but here he waits for death. Guel has been keeping himself moving with the idea that his family still needs him, but once Lauda seemingly rejects him, he loses all that energy. He hasn’t recovered from the trauma and pain he’s been through, he’s only simply masked it. But in that moment, he’s perfectly fine with dying because he believes it would be better for everyone

- But best girl Felsi says fuck that! She reminds Guel and Lauda that the world is so much bigger than them, and that there are people who still care about them. They can’t ignore their problems, they need to talk through it. Lauda’s insecurity and Guel’s suicidal nature and guilt, these are things that can’t be held within or else they’ll bubble over and end in tragedy. Felsi the hero says cut the bullshit, and I love her so much for it. I need Felsi merch right now

- El5n was another MVP of the episode. I’m surprised just how talented he is with a gun and shoot outs. Does he have experience, either from his past life or current one? And the fact that he didn’t hesitate to get the head shot off of Prospera says so much. He’s ruthless because he has a purpose. He ain’t letting anyone die unnecessarily, but he also recognizes when the doing needs done

- And Belmeria really stepped up as well. She’s spent the entire series running away from the consequences of her actions but here she finally stands up and protects the children who have been abused by the system she supported. Her diving to protect Miorine from getting shot was beautiful, and you can tell El5n really appreciated the gesture.

- Miorine is the best wife. That’s it, that’s the tweet

- Right when Eri was about to merc Miorine and co, something interrupted them, and I believe it was Notrette, Miorine’s mom. We never learned how Miorine’s mom died, so it’s possible she also got sucked up into the data storm and resides in Quiet Zero, and that’s why Delling was working on the project. She also added a failsafe so her daughter could shut it down, one that speaks words of love. Mother of the year

- The fact that Eri’s final act is to protect her sister and mother is so sad. She never had the chance to grow up, she’s forever stuck in stasis inside a giant hunk of metal. Quiet Zero offered the hope that she could finally escape and travel the world as herself, but it still wouldn’t give her herself back. However, Suletta can still live on, and so she valiantly protects her from the big laser, giving one final smile to her little sister. I hope she can finally rest in peace.

- But will Prospera allow that. She’s watched her daughter die twice now. Everything she worked for, all the lives that were sacrificed, they now all mean nothing. The world has rejected her once again. Whether she can accept it and become a better mother to Suletta is to be seen, but I don’t think she’ll follow that path.

Really hoping we get that second half so I can see the Peil girls get fucking incinerated. Also can we paint the Schwarzette red and give it to Guel? Double the points if it’s revealed he’s bisexual.

#gundam #g witch #gundam witch from mercury #ericht samaya #suletta mercury #guel jeturk #lauda neill #prospera mercury

[order-of-river-phoenix]

since we're in the sending requests business, can i request some brad colbert enemies to lovers oneshot? some slowburn romance where even though they "hate" each other, there's always this tension👀 between them? totally okay if u don't feel writing this, love you and your writing!! ♡♡

Inevitably; Brad Colbert

Fandom: HBO War; Generation Kill

A/N: heyyyyy this is me being back from the dead kinda. this was a special request bc even tho I’m not officially opening requests 1) i love you and 2) i always need more Gen Kill content in my life, even if it’s my own. i hope it’s slow burn enough for you :) also i hate the end but i suck at endings so… yeah

Warning(s): some language ig; a lot of idiocy

no taglist anymore, whoever sees it, sees it.

__________

"I believe I gave you an order," Colbert seethed.

"And I believe that we are the same rank, and therefore you don't give me orders like I'm some boot you can pawn shit on."

"Well, Sergeant, it needs done, so I'm ord- asking you to do this."

You took a breath to keep from saying whatever was bound to fly out of your mouth. "Consider it done, Sergeant Colbert."

Corporal Person leaned into Colbert’s side and whispered, “I did that an hour ago.”

Brad closed his eyes in a resigned sigh. “Ray…”

“I won’t say thing if you don’t.”

“They’ll find out anyway and be more mad than before, you dumbass.”

Ray shrugged. “I don’t feel like getting my head chewed off. Out of the two of you, I like you angry more.”

“Looks like we’ll all be dealing with their attitude the rest of the night then,” Brad muttered, getting back to his original task. “Ray, we’d all appreciate it if you did the right thing.”

“Fuck the right thing,” Ray exclaimed. “You’re the one who told me to do it.” With that, he walked away, likely because he wasn’t willing to get into more trouble with anyone.

__________

“Brad? I can’t stand him. He’s damn good at what he does, but…” you trailed off, finding your wording carefully, as you remembered it was the reporter you were talking to. “He and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.”

“Is that your only comment on Sergeant Colbert?” Wright prodded.

“I can’t imagine the Marines without him at this point, I guess,” you finally added. “We enlisted around the same time. He’s always just… been there.”

__________

"Yo, you think they're gonna-" Garza started, finding it hard to peel his eyes away from the heated scene in front of him.

"Fuck? Yeah, probably," Ray cut in, nodding his head. He wasn’t even looking anymore. The sounds of the two sergeants yelling at each other had become white noise to Ray, who had exactly zero problems with drowning them out with his personality.

“Really?” Gabe asked, genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, Garza. It’s like finding out your parents fuck. It’s kinda gross to think about, but it’s an obvious fact of life.” Ray gestured to the two of you, still huffing and puffing 10 feet away. “Brad and Y/N will inevitably-“

“Person, I swear to god, if I hear my name come out of your mouth again, I will find a way to demote you,” you shouted.

“And if they don’t find a way to,” Brad chimed in, “I will.”

“You getting this, Writer?” Ray exclaimed. “My superiors would rather punish me for speaking the truth than just f-“

“PERSON!” you and Brad synchronized.

While there were a host of things you and Brad disagreed on, the one thing you two could always count on agreeing about was Ray. Which is exactly what was scribbled somewhere in the reporter’s notes.

He gestured to Ray something that suggested he wanted more on that theory when they were out of earshot.

You and Brad had started the day relatively on good terms. Sure, always a layer of hostility, but nothing serious. But as always, something little turned into something (supposedly) worth screaming over.

Lt. Fick simply asked who had a map, as he allowed Encino Man to look at his and somehow hadn’t managed to get it back. Neither of you had your own map, per se, but knew where one was. Unfortunately for everyone else, you two had different places in mind and argued about who was right until it was made clear neither of you had it right in the first place.

__________

“What do I think about Sergeant L/N?” Brad repeated. “Well…. professionally, I think they’re a true asset to as a reconnaissance Marine. They have the trust of every Marine out here, and they’ve earned it.”

“And any thoughts personally?” Wright knew better but was willing to risk a little for whatever answer he could get. If not for himself, then for Ray, who had literally begged him for this.

“Personally?” Brad shifted uncomfortably, and he was starting to wonder why he’d agreed to this one-on-one interview. “I suppose, on a personal level, L/N irrationally irritates me in a way that I am not sure anyone ever has before.”

__________

You were now practically chest to chest, silent except for hot-tempered breathing. Words failed you for the first time in this argument. Whatever it was that you had been so incensed about was starting to fade as you realized how close you were to Brad.

His blue eyes you had always read as icy now seemed to have a fire behind them that only appeared in moments like this. “Y/N…”

It came out hoarse, like he’d originally intended to yell again but caught it before it escaped.

“I-“

“Hey, Colbert? L/N?” Walt’s innocent face appeared around the vehicle you two were practically hiding behind to fight. “Oh, uh, sorry. Was I interrupting?”

You released a breath while taking a half-step back. “No, Hasser. We were just…. It’s not important.” Glancing back towards Brad, you notice he is still staring at you. “What is it?”

Except, there’s no fire and anger in his face now. It’s scrutiny. It’s curiosity, possibly. Almost as if he’s facing a foreign object, which you had seen him do near 1000 times before.

“Ooh okay. Lt wants you ASAP. He didn’t say what it was.” With that Walt looked between the two of you, as if trying to figure out what sort of argument you have gotten into this time around.

“We’ll be right there,” Brad answers, now looking at Walt.

“Listen,” Nate spoke softly, yet there was a firmness that let you know you were most likely in trouble. “I’m tired of hearing that you two can’t get along. Whatever it is, squash it. It’s bad for morale when two team leaders, two NCO’s no less, can’t agree on stupid stuff. Reign it in. I trust both of you, and I need to be able to say with confidence that you two are taking your jobs here seriously. Do you understand?”

You both nodded and synchronized a “Yessir.”

“Thank you.”

Walking away, you felt a bit ashamed, like you did most of the time when you walked away from a fight with Brad. You weren’t sure why you had this part of you that felt the need to argue with him over every little thing. You trusted him with your life, so why couldn’t you just shut up? It wasn’t like he got much cuter when his face turns all red. But there was something about how easily you could get such a level-headed man so angry.

You were suddenly all too aware that the two of you were still walking side by side. Glancing over, you note that the tips of his ears are still flushed. “Brad?”

“Yes, Y/N.”

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “for being an asshole.”

“If you weren’t an asshole, you wouldn’t be a Marine.” He shot you something reminiscent of a smile, and you both continued to your own areas in the sleeping quarters.

__________

“What the fuck?” you scanned the next paragraph before looking up at Brad. “I cannot believe that dickwad reporter.”

“What did he say?”

“And I quote, ‘Hidden behind screaming matches and petty arguments was a love so fiery and passionate, many of the other recon Marines took bets on the inevitable coming together of two NCO’s.’” You slammed the magazine down. “Can you believe that? They bet on us fucking? He even wrote that he wagered in.”

“Dear-“

“Don’t tell me you bet too,” you nearly fell out of your chair.

“Now, that wouldn’t exactly be fair, would it?” He leaned over the counter to plant a kiss on your forehead. “I’d have made sure I won.”

“You’ve won either way. You got me.”

“That I did. I am the real winner here.”

“I still can’t believe that asshole embedded with us had all that combat and active war experience to write about, and he still found a way to blast our sexual tension somewhere in the middle.”

He slid the magazine towards himself to skim. “He used to write for Hustler; he probably just missed the content.”

“Missed the content? Missed the content?” you were on the verge of something loud and angry.

“If you’re about to yell at me, remember I did not write this,” Brad gave you a gentle smile. “Besides, if you really want to yell, his phone number is around here somewhere. Argue with him about it.”

“Oh, but it’s so much more fun arguing with you,” you pouted.

#generation kill #brad colbert #brad colbert x reader #generation kill imagine #brad colbert imagine

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Eighteen

Back in Clontarf, I perch at the gleaming, marble island while Jude prepares dinner. I watch him doing it with undisguised interest, because he cooks the way that I imagine he makes art, fully absorbed, with precision and confidence, and completely and utterly in the flow of his own enjoyment. He connects his iPhone to a Bluetooth speaker and plays music for a while, until Ivy bursts in and complains that she can’t focus on her homework with all of the noise.

He switches it off for her, but even in the silence he moves around to the beat of the music in his head, with a smile on his face that only endures the more stupid questions I ask him about what he’s doing. He’s making a spice mix in a pestle and mortar, he’s coating the fillets in flour, that’s actually rose water, not vanilla, yes, he taught himself how to do this, those flowers are actually totally edible, they’re not just there to look good, so a shallot is actually stronger than an onion, that’s why he’s using it. He prepared a lot of it earlier, marinating fresh fish in harissa for hours, and par boiling the potatoes so that they’d be oven ready by the time we got home from visiting Jen, and when I ask him where he found the time to do all of this he explains that he was simply procrastinating, because he doesn’t want to write his thesis. 

We eat at the dining table with Ivy, who shovels the food into her mouth in the span of about five minutes despite her complaints about it tasting bad, and gives a series of very bored, one word answers to his questions about school in between mouthfuls. He reminds her that she should practise for her piano lesson tomorrow and tells her that he can’t collect her from afterschool hockey so she’ll have to get the bus. It occurs to me that this is perhaps the most un-sibling like relationship I’ve ever witnessed. Perhaps it’s a symptom of their age gap. 

“Where’re your parents tonight?” I query once Ivy rushes off to her bedroom to reconvene whatever teen girl things were interrupted by dinner, and he looks down at his plate. “Working late again.”

“Seems like they really like to work.”

“They sure do. Or they really like not having to be in this house.”

He’s said things like this to me before, these kind of vaguely troubling statements about his parents in very casual, matter of fact ways, as though they’re entirely absent and have no love for each other whatsoever, and this is something he finds normal. I’ve never asked him about it before, and something I’ve never quite been able to handle the idea of broaching, but now, since we’re… kind of, sort of going out with each other it suddenly feels important to know whether his expectations for his own relationships are different to his parents’ strange marriage.  

“What is it about them?”

“We don’t have to discuss these grim things about my family, it’s alright.”

“We don’t have to, but I think I’d like to know about it.”

He pushes his food thoughtfully around his plate. “They just shouldn’t have gotten married, I suppose. I think they meant well initially but it’s ultimately done more damage than good.” He glances towards the closed door and up towards the ceiling, where his sister is, and lowers his voice a little bit. “I think they’ll probably get a divorce as soon as Ivy finishes school.”

“Oh.”

“I’m the reason they’re married, and she’s the reason they’re still together. They had this amazing idea at one point that having another child would solve all of their issues, but now they’ve just trapped themselves in a bind for an extra nine years. They could be blissfully divorced by now, but they won’t do it until she’s moved out, because they don’t want to disrupt her schooling.” 

“How old were they when you were born?”

“Nineteen and twenty one.” 

“Oh, God.”

“Yep, big mistake. Whoops.” he tosses a chunk of potato into his mouth and leans back in his chair. “Mom finished school and went to stay with her aunt in America, took up a job at a department store in Albuquerque, hooked up with a med student at a bar on her first month there, and well…” He throws up his hands in mock celebration. “Here I am!”

“I suppose that being unmarried with a child wasn’t really an option for your mother at the time.” 

“No, not at all, I mean, she had come from catholic Ireland. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to live at home again unless she married the man from that bar.” The way he speaks about his father is strange, as though despite his presence in their lives, he’s still some random, nameless med student from San Bernardino. 

“And then what?” 

“Well, then my dad continued school, and my mom began her studies and my great aunt took care of me on and off until my dad got his doctorate degree. Then they had Ivy, on purpose, by the way, and when she was a baby we moved back here.” He shrugs. “That’s all.”

I breathe out a laugh. “You’re so cagey.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah it’s like you don’t want to talk about them, or your home life, like, ever.”

He doesn’t look like he’s all that bothered by my interrogation, he just gives me this self-effacing little smile. “Come on, Evie. It’s because this stuff is boring.” 

“I don’t think it’s boring at all.” 

“Well, okay. They didn’t want to be together, they shouldn’t have had kids, and they act like they never did because they barely parented either one of us. Has anyone ever told you that you’re bad at letting things drop?”

“Yeah, loads. Has anyone ever told you that you’re bad at talking about serious things?”

“Of course.” The corner of his mouth quirks up and he lifts my arm from the table to kiss the inner part of my wrist. “Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?”

“Yes, you. Tell me what it was like for you when you were growing up.” 

“I’ve told you loads about my childhood already though.” 

“Yeah, you have, and I loved hearing about how badly behaved you were and what it felt like to live in America, but I wish you’d get into the guts of it, the real stuff.”

“The real stuff?”

“The stuff that makes you so clearly sad. You get that look on your face whenever it comes up.”

He hasn’t let go of my wrist, and now his thumb is gently stroking the skin that he kissed a moment before while he stares out into the garden through streak-free glass patio doors, and he chews on his lip before deciding to speak. “Well, when Ivy was born I stopped being a kid, I suppose. My parents didn’t have a lot of interest in caring for either of us, and I was lucky, because my great aunt in Albuquerque did all of that for them when I was little, but when we moved here the support system really fell away. Nobody had considered that. We have my mom’s parents, but they’re about as warm as she is, and even though we’d be dumped over to theirs at the weekends, it wasn’t like we had especially fun or memorable times. Usually we’d get some bucket of crap toys from the seventies and whatever was on the three TV channels that they had. They were okay, but Ivy was a really nervous toddler. She didn’t like being around unfamiliar people, to the point that our grandmother would have to roll her bottles down the hallway to where she was hiding at the bottom of the stairs so that she’d drink anything at all. She just screamed whenever either of our grandparents came near her. It just wasn’t working out, so we eventually stopped having to go, and by then, when I was like eleven, it just made sense that I’d look after her instead.”

“What did that involve?”

“Everything. Feeding her, dressing her, putting her to bed, shopping for food, toys, eventually bringing her to the creche. She used to go to the childminders while I was at school, but only until I finished at three or four o’clock, and then I’d swing by and get her. A child collecting another child, like, I don’t know if they’d let that kind of thing happen anymore, but it was a small family run childminders, the kind of lawless place where they have this one old granny looking after about twelve children in her house and everything and anything goes. My mom used to come home and cook dinner for a while, but she was delighted when I got old enough to do that for her too. It meant she could stay out of the house for longer and do whatever she used to do. Have affairs or whatever.” He huffs out a laugh. “I mean, I really don’t know if that was ever the case but I wouldn’t be that surprised. Everything got really confined because of Ivy, you know? I always had to be home, and helping, and collecting and living my life on this schedule while all the other teenagers were just being blissfully selfish and… just teenagers.”

“But you had time to yourself, surely?”

“Yeah, at night when my parents were finally home from work, but I mean, yeah, it wasn’t about not having time to do hobbies or hang out with my friends, it was about having to do it at all. It was about having to consider those things. Nobody should have to parent their siblings, it was really stifling and really unfair. If my parents wanted another child then they should have been prepared to take care of her. You can’t just offload that responsibility onto the older child. I resented it, and I still do.”

I spear my fingers into the side of his hair and run my hand down the back of his head. “That’s why you went to Berlin.” 

“I just didn’t want to do it anymore.”

“You shouldn’t have ever had to.”

“Right.” He hesitates and his teeth rake over his lower lip, pulling the skin until it’s taut and white. “I just feel like going to Berlin was the most selfish thing I could have possibly done though.”

“No way.” I say. “It forced your parents to do what they should have been doing all along, and look after your sister.” 

“Yeah but it didn’t really do that. I look at Ivy now, and she’s doing a lot of those things I used to do for her all on her own. My parents never stepped up like I hoped they would, so she’s just becoming another teenager with too many responsibilities, and parents that will divorce as soon as they can and leave her without a solid base to come home to when she’s in college. And then, you know, on the other hand I think about Jen, and how bad everything has become for her and I know that if I’d stayed, and if I’d been here for her then maybe I could have-”

“It’s no use thinking that, Jude. You had to be on your own for once. You can’t hold up the whole world on your shoulders.”

“I’m selfish.” His voice is acidic, and the moment I feel his fingers loosen on me I grab a hold of his sleeve, because all of a sudden it feels vitally important to keep a connection between us.

“You didn’t get a proper childhood. I’d be even more selfish if I were you. You need to be doing the things that you want to do, seeing the world, partying with your friends, all of that stuff that you’ve been doing for the last four years. It’s all food for your soul.” 

“You’re too forgiving of me. It’s okay to say that I’ve been generally inconsiderate.”

“You’re way too hard on yourself.” I say quietly. “And you know that’s not true. You’re a good person, and you were always so nice to me, even when I was quiet and shy. You made an effort to talk to me at that time that Jen invited me to that modern art exhibition in Dublin, and you made me feel so included and asked so many questions about me even though I felt so nervous around you both.”

“I feel like that’s the least anyone could have done.” He says sulkily, as though he doesn’t really feel like being talked out of his mood. “The more I dwell on it the more I think there is something seriously wrong with me. Something that should have been figured out a lot earlier, but like, here I am, a twenty two year old, in the final months of my final year at college and I feel a bit… I dunno, lost, or something. I’m floundering, and I don’t really know who I am anymore. I swore I had it figured out at eighteen but now that seems laughable to me.”

“Nobody tells you how weird it is to be in your twenties.” I declare. “They insist that it’s amazing and fun and you’ll have all of this independence, but actually it feels strange and vulnerable, and there’s no rule book about how to navigate your way through it. One day you’re a stupid teenager and the next you live on your own and you have to know how to use the city bus and remember the pin of a debit card.”

“Yeah.” 

“It’s alright that you find it hard, is all I’m saying, and I for one, feel like I truly knew nothing about being an adult. To be honest sometimes I get a bit freaked out by how lost I feel. But then I try not to think about it, and I just go on with my day.”

“That’s your advice?” He says, with the hint of a smile threatening to crack through the gloom. “Just don’t think about it?”

“Probably shouldn’t be, should it?”

“I think that’s terrible advice, Evie.”

“Well that’s all I have for you.”

He leans into me and lightly kisses my jaw before going back to his food, and the featherlight touch of his lips sends shivers right down to my toes. “Well I think we should think about hard things.” He says. “I think that ignoring them only gives them more power, actually.”

“Maybe some things aren’t meant to be processed now. They’re meant for later.”

“How much later?”

“I don’t know. Just later.” I push the last of my dinner onto my fork and into my mouth and try not to feel self-conscious about the fact that he’s watching me like I’m under a spotlight. 

“I just want you to know that if you ever wanted to talk to me about any of the things that happened you in first year then-”

My chair makes a hideous scraping noise against the parquet floor. “Do you have any pictures of you when you were small?” I say, wiping my hands on the thighs of my jeans, and he blinks. “Um. Why?”

“Just when we were talking about your childhood, like,” I stack his empty plate on top of mine. “I was wondering to myself what you might have looked like as a little boy. That’s all.”

“There are some, somewhere yeah. I can root them out if you want.”

“I’d love that, would you mind?” I hastily pack things away in the dishwasher, and I put the plates in crookedly, and I can’t find where the cutlery goes, and Jude is there, and he takes the forks out of my hands and gingerly places them into the sink. 

“It’s fine. Leave it.” He says. “Come into the living room, I’ll get the baby photos out.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky girl part 3

[destinygoldenstar]

The only thing I focus on is getting into the room assigned to me. I don’t care if anyone is following me. I hope no one is following me. I have to get away.

I catch my running speed with the doorknob. I try to wipe my tears with my sleeve so I can see the lock and open the door with the room key in my pocket. I open the door and charge in, slamming the door shut behind me as quickly as I opened it. I make sure to lock the door behind me so nobody can come in. None of those psychos. None of those people. 

Only then I start crying all over again. 

I’m already a waterfall of tears, but I don’t care. I slump on the floor with my back up against the door. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t get my hands away from my face to catch the tears. My head is filled with nothing but ugly thoughts. 

I’ve been like this before. More than once. More times than healthy. But at least then, it was me being pathetic and stupid and beating myself up about it. I’d cry about how disastrous of a human being I was, but I’d get told over and over again it was false and I was overreacting.

This is real.

This is far more justified, I feel.

This is the end of my life.

It has to be, right? I already broke. I already broke down in front of everybody. I already failed. I already failed the school that teaches its students how to kill each other.

I’m going to die here. I’m going to get killed by someone else. I’m stuck here for the rest of my days, however long I have left. I’ll never go home.

I will never go home.

I’ll die instead. I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to die yet.

If I die, I’ll never…

I’ll never see them again.

My parents. They’re going to be devastated to hear their daughter has been killed. I’ll never apologize to them. I’ll never say goodbye to them. 

I never hated my parents. I hated that they signed me up to this program, but I never hated them. They loved me. It’s my fault for not saying no to it.

Maybe they’ll at least get a chance to start over with my brother. I’ll never meet him. I’ll never know his name. He’ll never know me. He won’t have a sister.

And Katie…

Oh gods, Katie.

Even in my flood of tears and my weakened state, I manage to pull out the notebook from inside my jacket. I open it to the first page. 

The drawings are still there. The cheesy drawings of hearts and stars. The writing ‘K + S’ is still there. The photograph is still there. The one when we were in high school at the student novel ceremony. Her blonde hair was longer back then, up in a ponytail in the picture. I had my dimmed purple hair down, and was only wearing a plain white blouse. Even back then, she was more fashionable with her gold yellow turtleneck sweater. I’m hugging her tight in the photo. My head is on her chest with a shy expression on the camera she is holding. 

I want to hug her like that again. I want her to hold me. I want her to show up out of nowhere, see me crying, and hold me close. She’d shush me and stroke my hair and tell me it’ll all be okay. 

I wish she was here. I wish I was back home in Clovis. I wish I was back in my room, my real room, writing away late in the night with my parents blaming me for my exhaustion at school. Then school would mentally beat me, and the people would suck. Then I would come home and see Katie so she’d hear me out and then fill me with hope.

Tears fall on the paper, making scattered wet spots.

“I promised her. I promised her.” I cry silently, my voice gritty. “I promised her I’d come home…”

My voice raises in a raspy cry as I slam the book onto the floor. “Goddammit! I didn’t even want to come here!! I didn’t even want to accept the transfer!!! Why?!?!?!”

My crying and bawling becomes worse and worse by the minute. 

There’s no one here to comfort me. There’s no one here to help me.

I’m dead for sure. I can’t kill. I have nothing in me to kill. I’m frail and stupid and sensitive, and I don’t know anything about murder. With the way I freaked out and stormed out like that, I think those people are thinking about targeting me. 

Murder frail, whiny, stupid Sara…

I bury my head in my knees. 

This is how my fuck ups get me killed.

*Knock Knock*

The shock of the sound and the banging on the door trip me over my feet. Now off the door, I’m on my hands and feet like a crab. I look up to hear a voice.

“Sara? You in here? I’m just here to check on you cause you-”

“Go away!” I shout. I don’t remember whose voice it is, and I don’t care. I don’t want any of these crazy people with murderous thoughts coming near me.

“Huh… that’s not what people usually say when someone knocks on their door…”

What is this person talking about? They act like they never-

“Ah well, the next and probably appropriate thing to do would be to pick the lock and come in anyway!”

What?! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! Already?! I’m dead already?!

I said I was gonna die, but this soon?!

“Don’t!!” I scream, my heart beating hard against my chest. With my breathing hitching, I scramble through my pockets, or whatever is on the floor near me I can use to defend myself. “Don’t come in! I have a… a…”

My hand meets one of two pens in my front jacket pocket. I open one and aim it at the door. “A PEN!! And I’m not afraid to use it for stabbing!!”

A pen. I sound pathetic.

“Oh wow. She really has snapped already.” 

I stop breathing for a second.

That’s one of those bunny things.

What are they doing with a student-?

“You sure you want to go i-”

“Absolutely.”

I hear a click from the lock, and the door opens. I step back, still keeping my pen out.

It’s Senri Endo. He has a massive grin on his freckled face like this is some happy greeting. Why does he always do that like this is normal?

More importantly, why are all six Monobunnies standing around him?!

“Heyo, Sara.” He greets happily. “I hope you’re not too troubled.”

Dude…

“Good. Good. Good to see you already getting in the right spirit.” He says to my silence and my tear streaked face.

Does he not see I have a pen aimed at his face?! He walks up to me and clasps his hands, smiling like it’s nothing. Am I really that bad at being intimidating?

“So, how do you like your room?” He asks. “You haven’t seen it yet, right?”

“Uh-room?” I didn’t even look. I was busy crying. 

Holding KiBunny on his shoulder and petting them, he says, “Oh yes. The Monobunnies put in a lot of effort into each student's room. So we hope you appreciate the space.”

MidoriBunny, standing by Senri’s feet, explains, “Each student's dorm room has the essentials. Bed. Wardrobe. Desk. Floor. Walls. A lock on their door. A private bathroom with a security camera so we can see. But we also included varying colors, decorations, and crannies to suit the student living in it. So you won’t see the other’s rooms look exactly the same.”

I spaced out when they started talking. “...wha-”

“Aw come on, I love a little room arrangement! Especially since we’re staying here for the rest of our lives as classmates!” Senri pulls my arm down. I guess the pen wasn’t threatening in the slightest. How can he be so cheerful about all of this?! “The Monobunnies and I came all this way, you want us to show you?”

“No-”

“Great!” He grabs me by the shoulders and turns my body around. I have to admit I’m too scared to fight against him.

The walls are white. The carpet is a similar purple color to my jacket. That much I know. AkaBunny and MomoBunny have their paws on lavish purple curtains.

“We know purple doesn’t match your hair, but we really wanted to express your love for the color.” MomoBunny says.

My favorite color is cerulean blue. My hair isn’t even that purple… well it is still purple, but it’s still a more dull shade of it.

“And you’ll never guess what’s behind these!” AkaBunny says.

“Window plates?” I quietly guess.

They open them up.

“Window plates!”

Of course. At least there’s curtains so I don’t have to stare at the window plates.

There’s five of these curtain things. The second one to the right has a white roll top desk with a purple swivel chair and a small trash can. 

AoBunny is on the chair, depressingly saying, “This is the place where you can write down all your melancholy thoughts. On paper, or on the desk itself, we really don’t care…” 

There’s stacks of paper on the desk. Lined and blank sheets. There’s a pencil sharpener and a cup of pencils as well. 

AoBunny turns the chair around to hand me a sheet of paper of sorts. Senri takes it and hands it to me. “It’s a letter from the Monobunnies.”

I read the first sentence to myself.

‘We Monobunnies are dedicated to helping students enjoy their stay here-’

I shove the paper in my pocket. No one's gonna read that shit.

KiBunny and AkaBunny are jumping on the bed on the wall to my right. The pillows are a lavender color, and the quilt is white with butterfly patterns of several colors on it. There’s a nightstand with a drawer and a lamp. 

MidoriBunny is trying to sit on the edge of the bed, but the jumping is making them wobble on the mattress. “This is what humans call a ‘bed’. From my understanding, you can do a lot of things with it. Sleep on it, jump on it, read on it, do a lot of clean pure and responsible things with it-”

AkaBunny jumps on the bed hard enough that MidoriBunny falls off. Senri catches them in his arms. MidoriBunny groans, “I think I prefer sleeping on dirt.”

“Alright, get off.” Senri politely demands.

“Awwwww…” The Monobunnies whine like little kids. 

MonoBunny, getting up on the beds end, explains, “The water is shut off during nighttime. The dorm room bathrooms have locks on them, but the other bathrooms around the campus do not. Please keep that in mind. The flat screen TV on the wall will display any announcements at any time they appear, the channel will automatically switch to that when they happen. This goes for morning and nighttime announcements, class announcements, body discovery announcements, and so on. Otherwise that’s for your entertainment. Don’t break it. That camera on the ceiling, the one over the bed, that’s so we can keep an eye on you twenty four seven, so don’t ever think nobody is watching you. We’re always watching.”

They said that last part in a deep creepy snarl. My breath hitches at it. 

“Also, don’t break it. The camera is equipped with a gun, so we can gun rule breakers down any time.” They say that part enthusiastically.

Great. I’m going to sleep with a gun hanging over my head.

“Room keys are designed to be resistant to lock picking, so you don’t have to worry about people picking the locks and coming into your room unannounced!”

I glance at Senri. “Right…”

“Huh? Oh…” Senri notices. “Oh don’t worry, we all checked the students' abilities. The only one who can is me.”

Why is Senri doing it okay but no one else? My head is littered with more questions than answers.

“They’re also hard to replicate.” MonoBunny says, then jumps up to my face to give a snarl, “DON’T. LOSE. YOUR KEY.”

I’m tense and shaking. “P-please don’t get that close…”

They jump down on the floor, obeying.

“Aaaaaaaaannnnndd that’s the basics!” Senri claps with a smile. 

I think I feel worse than I did before. 

“H-hey Senri-”

“Oh! And you have got to see the best part!” Senri interrupts me. I guess I get no say in any of this. “I know you’re a writer, your talent and all, so we put together a little nook for you to write to your heart's content!”

He grabs my arm to turn my body again, facing the left side of the room.

Indeed, there is a nook. The space is claimed by a white circular carpet with the same pattern as the bed quilt. There’s an end table in the center with a purple lounge chair, and surrounding it is a white book shelf that spirals around half the carpet. There’s already books in it, as well as some fake plants, drawings, and other things. On the side of the bookcase is a mini stairwell to climb to the top of the shelf, where there’s a little space with pillows and blankets. MomoBunny, on the top of the shelf, turns on a little lamp up there to reveal a ceiling lighting of a fake galaxy. They keep clicking on the lamp, and the lighting switches to other environments, like a rainstorm, a crowd of bustling people, the seaside, and a field of whistling birds. It even plays the sound effects.

Is it… beautiful? Why do I like this?! 

“Well?” Senri gets in my view with a smile. He’s jumping in place. “You love it?”

“U-uh…” I can’t talk.

The bunnies already start digging into the books and drawings on the shelves before Senri adds, “And the best part? We managed to collect all your private projects from home!”

That gets me to scream an audible, “WHAT?!?!?”

They stole my-?!

“Okay, well, not exactly your private projects from home…” Senri dials back. “We just replicated them exactly into some blank notebooks we had laying around. So while you don’t have your stuff from home exactly, we made exact copies.”

“THAT’S NOT ANY LESS CREEPY!!” I scream. I’m running to the area to try and snatch the books from Monobunnies. They’re digging in them like greedy monsters. This wasn’t how I expected to start crying again, but here we are. “Hey! Stop!! These are private!!”

“Don’t worry, we already read through all of these.” MidoriBunny says casually.

“We’re also judging you silently about them, but we don’t have to say it out loud.” AoBunny adds.

“I didn’t give you permission to-!” I try to snatch a book from AkaBunny, but they jump out of the way. I let out an upset cry.

“The amount of unfinished projects here is just sad…” AoBunny is also crying. “I loved ‘The House of Labels’. When are you making the fifth book?”

“Oh, oh my…” AkaBunny found one. “I wonder if your parents know about this fetish of yours-”

“PUT THAT ONE DOWN!!” I beg, my waterfall of tears coming back. “Please stop!”

“Alright, you heard the lady, put them back, we already read them!” MonoBunny commands, slapping. 

The other bunnies obey instantly. Maybe that’s why MonoBunny is the leader among them.

MomoBunny is the only one who doesn’t listen. They find another one, flipping through it curiously. “Ooooooohhh, who’s this girl? She’s such a pretty one. Someone got a crush??”

I whip my head around. Is that my diary of Katie?! 

“We’re a thing!” I cry. 

MonoBunny, out of nowhere, jumps up to the shelf and kicks MomoBunny in the back with their hind leg. “What did I say?! Back off of the lady’s love life!”

“Kyaaa!” MomoBunny crashes on the floor from the kick. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry!”

They’re aggressive bunnies as well. Now it gives me even more of a headache.

It makes me lose it. “JUST FUCKING STOP IT!!!”

They do from my outburst. I don’t care. I’m worn out from crying. I’m angry. I’m embarrassed. I’m confused as shit.

“I DIDN’T INVITE ANYONE IN HERE! I DIDN’T ASK FOR A ROOM TOUR! I DIDN’T ASK ANYONE TO LOOK AT MY WORKS! IS NOBODY GOING TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW CAUSE I AM CONFUSED AS ANY PIECE OF SHIT WOULD IN THIS SITUATION!!”

“Whoa!” Senri puts his hands up. “Whoa whoa whoa, calm down. This isn’t meant to be as confusing as you think it is.”

“ROBOT BUNNIES.”

That spawns the first ounce of emotion from him that isn’t happiness, confusion. “You don’t have those in the real world? Huh… that is news to me.”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” I direct my outburst towards him. “You’re a student! You’re in the same situation as I am! KILL or BE KILLED! How can you be so CALM about all of this?! To the point where you’re casually hanging out with the bunnies with a smile on your face?!?! HUH?!?! ANSWER ME, SENRI!!”

This guy confuses me so much. I thought he was a little strange at first, but he seemed at least friendly and excitable. But I would assume he’d react with dread on the killing game news like a rational person would. Instead he keeps his attitude. Why?!

Just like that, the confusion is gone and returns to a smile. He says, “Sara, there’s a reason why I wanted to talk to you privately. I think you should sit down.”

Without warning and without waiting for an answer, the bunnies tackle me down on the lounge chair. I crash into it, and only then do they get off me. Senri sits on the end table hugging one of his legs, staring down on me. 

I don’t know what to expect, but my heart is racing. 

“First off, we need to set a very important rule about this.” Senri is serious now. “Consider it another regulation that applies to you: Everything that we’re gonna talk about here is for your ears only. You cannot tell anybody about what I’m going to tell you. Got it?”

“And…” I’m scared. “And if I do?”

Sneri points at the camera gun.

I’m definitely stuck in place now.

“Okay…”

“You asked me about my behavior regarding the killing game, why I’m not scared or shocked or anything. There’s a reason for that…”

He takes off the eyepatch on his face, revealing his other eye.

I expected a scar, or a glass eye, or something normal.

No. It’s a red eye, similar to the bunnies eyes. The eyelashes are made out of blue crystal.

“...I’m the one running the game.”

I can’t breathe.

Did I hear that right?

Senri is…

“I’m responsible for all of this!” He says with a smile, like it’s something to be proud of. “Me and my Monobunnies took over the program, kidnapped all these Ultimates, and organized the killing game. Now we’re running the entire program as the mastermind behind the cameras! Pretty great, right?”

He’s not a bubbly excitable type like I thought… He’s a sociopath.

“To be honest, it’s kind of disappointing you’re also an Ultimate, if you weren’t I certainly wouldn’t have included you in the mix. But killing those evil Ultimates is an all or nothing deal.”

Evil Ultimates?

“No one else in the world was gonna do it, so I took the heroic mantle. No need to thank me for it.” He says as he picks up and pets MonoBunny, who looks pleased at the gesture.

He thinks this is a good thing?!

I hug myself, trying to manage my shaking. Nothing is working. I’m breathing hard again. Everything is blurry and I still have my glasses on. 

This guy is the one running this killing game. He casually admitted it to me. 

“Y-you’re the one who-who kidnapped me…”

“Correctamundo.” He gives me a smile and a finger gun. “I do apologize that it had to be so confusing, but I couldn’t get you in any other way.”

That’s the least of my problems right now. 

What is going on?

Why is this happening?

What does he want with me?

Is he trying to kill me?

Is this-

“Sara.” He gently touches my shoulder to try to get me to snap out of it. “I’m all for good panic attacks, but I do need you to focus.”

I whimper and grip my heart. A cozy lounge chair can never comfort me. 

I hear MonoBunny say to Senri, "Master, with all due respect... her? Really? I get she's the writer, but out of all the students with the brain power, the strength, and, well, the basic sanity and confidence, you choose that one.”

“Just… why…?” I ask softly. “Why would you tell me all of this…?”

Not that I would be able to, but for all he knows, I could use this information against him.

So why risk it?

“The rules.” He says. “The two survivors.”

I look up in confusion. “Wh-what about it?”

“The students kill each other, you catch the killers and they get the chain, keep going till there’s only two left.” Senri gives the basic summary. “It’s a matter of who those two are.”

Does he mean…?

“Obviously one of those slots would be myself.” Senri says proudly. “But there’s also the little factor of another survivor. One that would be a dream come true for me to have as that person…”

He points at me.

“But, I can’t guarantee that.” He says once I get the message. He puts MonoBunny down and spins around the table and adjusts his body so he’s hugging both his legs and his side is facing me. “Not if you’re in the same field as the others here. I have the protection of the Monobunnies to keep me from getting killed, but you don’t. Anyone can get the jump on you at any time and you’re dead.”

I kinda get that.

“So what can we do???” He asks himself, giving a fake gasp of an idea. “We could partner up and be masterminds together!”

“Partner up…? With you…?” I stutter. “Y-you mean like a traitor?”

“Traitor?” He hums. “I was gonna call it ‘Self preservation partnership and friendship with your fellow mastermind’, but sure.”

“W-what do I-?”

“You would help me influence the other students here to kill each other.” Senri offers. “With the classes we train them to be killers, but that might not convince them. I would say I would motivate them through the Monobunnies, but honestly, you know more about people than I do. You know what makes them crack.”

No I don’t. I’m one of the most closed off people I know. If that’s the standard, then he must know literally nothing about people.

“But why me?” I ask softly. “Out of everyone, why me?”

Surely he’d pick a more competent traitor than me. The girl in the dragon mask is already scary. The scientist girl would be a smart option. The environment guy is an actual psychic. Hell, I don’t know much about my next door neighbor, but I’m sure he’d be a better option than me. Senri has options. Why pick me?

“You wrote ‘Despair’, right?” 

And there’s the answer.

Not that book…

My whole body fills with dread from the implication. 

The mastermind of the killing game is a fan of my book. The book I wrote about privileged people slaughter.

“I have been wanting to meet you for so long!” He expresses. “When we finally met, my whole world opened up! And I mean that literally! So really, for being my inspiration, I owe you… the world! I seriously owe you everything!”

I can’t talk. I feel my face going pale.

He pats my shoulder. He clearly sees this differently than I do. "We would be such a great duo! The author and the audience collaborating in the genocide of the privileged to save the world and overthrow all the evils of hope with the power of love, friendship, and despair!!" 

He gasps for air. He’s excited about the idea. “I’m just saying, it’s epic! It would be the world!”

This is it. This is my karma. I thought I had my karma, but no. This is where it starts. 

He gets serious, making it clear,  "Course, you can say no, I can't force you to join.”

“But?” There’s always a but.

“But if you do say no, then you’re on the same playing field as everyone else. And I can’t guarantee you won’t be killed. And you still can’t tell anyone about this, then I’d have to gun you.”

Simple enough.

I sit there and think about this.

If I join Senri and become a traitor amongst the cast, he can protect me from dying in the game. If I don’t take this deal, I’m on my own risking my life like everyone else.

Of course I’d die if I risked it. 

Can I even trust him? He’s running the campus. If I say no, he could gun me down anyway. He could be lying.

“Think about it.” Senri adds. “You work for me as the traitor of the class, and me and my Monobunnies protect you long enough for us to be the two survivors of Class B-3.”

That’s it?

“And one more thing!” He makes another part in the deal. “Accept this, and no harm will ever come to the people you love.”

I let out a muted gasp.

He took over the school. He can go after whoever he wants.

My eyes glance at the notebook on the floor, the one of that picture of me and Katie.

Senri notices and asks, “You care about your girlfriend's well being as much as yours, don't you?”

Of course I do.

Katie. My family.

If Senri doesn’t go after them, I can go home after the killing game. I can go back to my normal life like none of this ever happened.

Will he hurt them if I don’t take the deal? Or worse?

He concludes it by saying, “Choice is yours."

He offers me his hand. “Will you be the traitor?”

I hesitate. 

I take the deal, and I’m safe. I won’t have to kill. I won’t be killed. I’ll be safe until the game is over and then I can leave. I’ll be protecting all my loved ones. I can go home, returning to my normal life. 

I don’t take the deal, and I’m risking my life in a killing game I’ll never win. I’ll be delaying my own death at the hands of another student here. 

I want to go home. I want to survive. This is my one shot.

“You’ll protect me.” I want it clear.

“Yep.”

“You won’t hurt my family.”

“Nope.”

“You won’t kill them.”

“No-well, yes, I won’t.”

I take a deep breath.

I take his hand.

Something hot fuels my hand once the shake is done. I let go to see something red glowing on my palm. Then it vanishes in my veins.

What did he do to me?

“You took the deal.” He states. “There’s no turning back.”

I don’t feel any different. It still scares me.

“YES!!!” He lets out all his enthusiasm and jumps on me, wrapping his arms around me. “She said yes, everyone!! We got her!!”

“Yay!!!!” The Monobunnies cheer. Well, except for the main MonoBunny, who has a neutral expression.

“Aw, I’m so excited!!” He’s not hiding that emotion. “I have a BFF! A friend! And it’s the writer of ‘Despair’! This is…. AAAHH I’m sorry!! This is everything to me!!!” 

I’m stuck muffled in his hug. 

“I-I never had a ‘friend’ before!” He expresses. I wonder why. “This is so much to me! We’re going to run the killing game together! We’re going to be BFF’s behind the cameras doing everything together! This is gonna be awesome!!”

He parts from the hug, which I did not return, and he takes out his E-Handbook. He keeps one arm around me to position me for a selfie. 

“Here, here, say ‘Despair BFF’s’!’” He grins and snaps the picture.

I don’t know what my face looks like in that picture, but I guarantee it is not the same happy expression that he has.

I’m a traitor now…

What am I getting myself into?

~~~~~~~

#danganronpa #danganronpa fangan #danganronpa fangame #preview #fanganronpa #Danganronpa The Privileged Traitor #casting call #voice acting #animation #artists on tumblr

[showtoonzfan]

Helluva Boss Season 2, episode 2 sneak peek: Thoughts and predictions

So for those who don’t know, Vivziepop was attending a convention the other day knows as “TooManyGames”, and they showed a sneak peek of Helluva boss season 2, this time being episode 2. A fan went there and filmed the peek, as they made this tweet: https://twitter.com/drtwitch666/status/1540792987864551424?s=21&t=4-_DqKLAsW58rlDWmBao6g

A big thanks goes to that person, so give him some love! Anyway, now that we have a clip of season 2, I wanted to give my thoughts and predictions. There’s not really much to say, but I still wanted to make a post regardless. Please keep in mind that I’d love to know what you thought of the clip, and what you think is ganna happen! Without further or do, let’s start!

So there’s not a lot to go off of here, but to sum up the clip, Blitz is trying to talk to Loona about her behavior towards clients, hence why Loona is so mad. Moxxie seems happy here, as Blitz is struggling and is trying to put his foot down in a way. While that’s going on, we see Octavia sneak in, as she goes to steal the book. She succeeds, possibly going to earth with it.

So firstly, I’d to talk about what I think this episode will be like. It clearly seems to be centered around Loona and Octavia, with Loona frustrated about Blitz and her behavior, and Octavia possibly escaping her parents.

Judging by these two screenshots in the 2022 trailer, I have the feeling these are from the same episode, this episode in particular, in which Loona goes to earth to cool off, and spots Octavia. They’ll of course probably hang out and bond over their daddy issues, and teenage stuff they like. I’m also expecting a heart to heart emotional moment of course, especially since the fandom wants to see them together since they’re both angsty teens. I did see one fan theorize that Stolas and Blitzo go to earth as well to look for her, but DEAR god I hope that’s not the case. Seriously, I don’t know how much more of the stolitz pandering and fan service I can take, I’m so sick of this being “The Stolitz” show, and nothing else. Can we actually focus on the characters who fucking NEED development? Can we actually focus on the female characters for once? I also saw another fan theorize that Blitzo and Stolas will accidentally get caught up in a movie set for humans mistaking them for actors, and then a fight scene ensues, judging by the shots of Blitz with a wig in the trailer. So yeah….it seems Blitz and his crew will then go to earth to look for her, along with Stolas until they’re pulled into some show set by accident and have a fight scene. That I’m not looking forward to, it feels like there’s going to be a lot of filler in this episode with Stolitz fanservice and the fighting, when they COULD be using that time to develop the characters that need it, aka Octavia and Loona. This episode is honestly a good opportunity to give Octavia and Loona more development, so they don’t feel like freaking background characters anymore. I’m sincerely hoping they do something engaging with Loona’s development specifically, something that won’t just be “wahh, I’m a horrible bitch who has no friends even though I could easily just be nice to people to fix that!”, because yeah, Loona has her issues and I don’t want another sob fest for a character that’s just an asshole who could easily change. Of course it seems this episode is also leaning towards another conflict between Loona and Blitz’s father daughter relationship, and all I can say is that I hope the development actually GOES somewhere instead of disappearing into thin air like episode 3. It would be interesting to see how Blitz and Loona bounce back whenever something though goes on between them, so I hope there’s actual development on their relationship here, again….unlike episode 3, where they just blew up at each other, and the episode just…dropped the conflict and forgot about it. As for Octavia, of course we can infer that she’ll be upset about everything going on at home, especially since her father of the year is still screwing Blitz and has made zero changes for her or her mother, and her mother is just a screeching one note bitch. While I’m intrigued to see more about Octavia and this situation, I do hope we learn more about her outside of that, like I hope she won’t just be angry and sulking the entire episode. I also want to say that I hope season 2 doesn’t hold back regarding Octavia, and what I mean by that is i want them to show us how she truly feels, show her desperately torn up and angry at her parents, WITHOUT making Stolas look good in some shape or form. I say that because I really didn’t like how episode 2 handled her feelings. Basically to sum Loona and Octavia up, I hope there’s more added to their characters, and that they get good development. If the episode really does involve Stolas and Blitz looking for them, I sincerely hope Viv and Brandon spent the running time they have to developing other characters, instead of more stupid Stolitz fan service. Seriously, Loona and Octavia desperately need development, and this seems like a good setup if my theory turns out to be true.

Moving on, let’s discuss my thoughts on the actual clip. It starts with Loona literally beating the shit out of Blitzo….and well, this is certainly different, we’ve never seen her act with violence, at least with Blitz. While I’m so happy to see Blitz getting beaten, I’m kinda worried about how they’ll handle Loona’s situation. I still REALLY don’t like her, she screams edgy loud obnoxious furry, and I can already tell this is going to be an episode deep diving into how lonely she is probably, and that she doesn’t have any friends. The only problem is that I still can’t feel bad for Loona. She’s unlikable as all heck and I can’t get invested in her or her story. Like…I get that she’s supposed to be this angsty teen trope but….sorry guys, it’s the same with how I feel about Blitzo, Stolas, and Angel, I just can’t feel sympathy for a character that acts like nothing other than a spoiled horrible brat. All I can say is that I hope she realizes that she doesn’t need to treat everyone around her like utter shit for no reason and own up to her behavior with the consequences. Moving on from that, we see that Moxxie is happy, my viewpoint is that he seems eager to get a new receptionist since she’s so mean to him, that or he’s genuinely happy Blitz is putting his foot down. Oh yeah, that’s another thing. Can we actually SEE Loona do some work? Yes we’ve seen her fight, but we never see her do her damn job. She always just sits at the desk and reads or something, it would be interesting to see how a client calls her and what she has to do. That reminds me, I sincerely hope that Blitz will finally be working to be more kinder and of course respectful to Moxxie and his wife. It would be nice to seem him at least TRYING to be more kinder and understanding towards his employees, and since he’s finally confronting Loona about her behavior, it could be a good start, though it seems more like he’s only talking to her about her behavior not for the sake of him or his workers, but for his job rather. Hope that’s not the case.

Anyway, we see that Octavia has come in to steal Stolas’s grimoire. Not really happy to see that the book is still just a portal device. It’s always aggravating to watch a character interact with this book, because we still don’t know what the heck it does, or any lore regarding it. How long do we have to wait until we figure out this book’s purpose? What it’s used for? What it does? What’s in it? How Stolas uses it and what his job is? To be fair though, this is a clip of the second episode, so hopefully the questions will be answered in episode 1. I also hope that moving forward, this book won’t just be used as a portal device and nothing else, because that’s just wasting potential. Anyway, the first thing I want to say is that this scene made me roll my eyes, once again the main characters are being idiots for the sake of the plot. I mean come on, Octavia was RIGHT behind them in the same room! I get they were distracted but they have no security? No cameras? They couldn’t hear her dang footsteps?? But whatever I guess. We see that Blitz keeps the grimoire in a safe, and my biggest problem I have is that….well how does Octavia know the code to it? She probably never interacted with Blitz, but perhaps she knew from Stolas but…..what does it matter if Stolas knows the code? Blitz is the one keeping hold of the book, and they lend it to each other anyway on the full moon when they get it on. Also….that’s another thing. We know that Stolas gets the book for a certain amount of time on the full moon, so why couldn’t Octavia just wait until it was his turn with the grimoire? Why go through all the trouble sneaking in IMP headquarters? Guess she couldn’t wait that long. I don’t blame her, escaping from an emotional abusive household doesn’t seem so rash in her case. All I’m ganna say is that I hope the relationship with her dad and even mother is dealt with well, parents divorcing and verbal and emotional abuse are huge hefty subjects, and I really hope they portray that well. Though……I’m pressing X to doubt. I hope they deep dive into Stella and just not make her this one note yelling bitch but again…..press X to doubt. An ending with these three characters who is a family falling apart…I’d like to think they acknowledge they’re broken and all three of them put the effort in to fix it, ya know….something complex, instead of just making Stolas out to be the good guy who ends up with Octavia.

So yeah, that’s all I have to say on this clip. I can’t say it’s…..promising, like…I’ll be honest, the episode with Stolas and Paimon looks far more interesting than this one, but here’s to hoping the writing and storytelling has improved, or at the very LEAST, season 2 becomes promising. I just want the storytelling to be better, as well as good character development, and character development that actually GOES somewhere, not just being thrown out the window the next episode like season 1. Of course I also want Loona and Millie to get development and actually be defined characters, they’ve been shoved to the back in the entirety of season 1 and I really really REALLY hope season 2 isn’t just “The Stolitz and Moxxie show”. Hopes are still low, but I’ll definitely be checking the first episode out. Thank you for reading, and tell me your thoughts on the clip and season 2! I’ll see you next time! 👋💕

#vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #vivziepop #anti vivziepop #vivienne medrano #helluva boss critical #helluva boss #helluva boss season 2 #helluva boss loona #helluva boss Octavia #helluva boss Millie #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #helluva boss Stolas

[my-shields-are-down]

That other shoe dropped.. I figured we’d pay a toll for all the great content. Now we know why they were feeding us all the Chenford content from the official account.

Lucy will spin out apparently, Tim more than likely will shut down again after this.

It’s obvious Chris lives and that Lucy will stay with him. Tim and Ashley I think will be done though soon. Question is, since Lucy stays with Chris, will Tim do something dumb to mess the Chenford dynamic up even more??

Eric did say messy and complicated, but how the hell will they get out of this mess? This seems beyond messy and complicated now in my opinion.

I’m thinking Lucy takes Sacramento to distance herself since in her mind, people are getting hurt because of her.

This is one steep hole 😬. Holy moly. Do you have any thoughts?

Hello hello. Yesterday all I was seeing a hole too deep to climb out of - I don’t know how they’ll find their way back to each other. But because the episode was so heavily Chenford - and clearly with ABC’s hype machine involved - the network will make sure that there is plenty of hope for them to move forward again throughout the season. Catnip, Eric called it at one point.

I stick by my earlier statements about seasonal story arcs. What happens in the first episode? That tells you the themes of the season. Chenford, Rosalind, Nyla being a detective, Nolan being stupid, Bailey doing the impossible, and Angela being an awesome and brilliant detective. Family, passion, danger, love and all the sex that Tim and Lucy wanted with each other. Oh and Fakeford showing up late and messing up everything. Heh heh.

I think it’s going to be brutal for a bit. Lucy needs to grow up. She needs to get promoted. She needs confidence in herself. She’s going to go through the wringer this season - much like Tim did 8n Season 1 (nice parallel eh?). She’s not yet fully formed. I’m excited to see this training I hope she takes. That’ll help. Tim will support her no matter how much it hurts - because she did for him.

But Lucy will spiral. She’ll stay with Chris out of guilt. She’ll run from Tim when she needs him the most . She’ll probably run to Nolan (gag). Big head Nolan has to be involved somehow. She won’t live in that apartment any more. Where will she and Tamara go? I expect things to get worse with her parents. Because of the vulnerable situation all of these changes will put Lucy in, if I’m Rosalind I want someone there, by her side messing with her mind. Creating doubt, fear, panic. Making her think she’s losing her mind, ghosting her, terrorizing her.

And who is sitting in a prime position to do all that? CHRIS. What if the end of that episode, was the plan all along? To ingratiate Chris more deeply into Lucy’s life? To wreak havoc on her mind and psyche? To make the most of her guilt? The longer they are together, the more he can fuck with her - ultimately making her less likely to turn to her friends and face Rosalind alone. Rosalind from a position of strength, and Lucy not.

Tim on the other hand- has fallen off the deep end for Lucy and it’s going to drive him crazy. Voldie is history thank god. And him walking into Lucy’s apartment with the intention to hook up? I mean…. That’s going to be hard for him to reconcile with his professionalism. He’ll probably be triggered by Lucy’s suffering like Isabel suffered. Maybe he’ll be triggered to reevaluate what it is to be a man with honor - and we’ll see him finally deal with his military stuff. I dunno. Obviously, he and Lucy get to a somewhat better place by episode 8 if they are riding together again. It’d be great if Tim was the one who figured out what Chris was up to and then did not blame himself for what came next.

As far as the insurmountable odds we find ourselves facing at the moment, I think we need to take a moment and be grateful for where we are and how far we’ve come.

We wouldn’t be having this conversation if someone else had been hired to play Tim and/or Lucy. EW+ MO and massive fan support of them and their performances of Tim and Lucy got us here.

Not only are we in uncharted waters, but unlike previous seasons, we now have significant support from ABC. full support of a fan created relationship. Alexi never would have done the full court press content release for Chenford. That was ABC. They are invested in that storyline and yes making as much money off of it as possible. That aside, literally anything can happen at this point. Our course has not yet been charted.

And for now, I am perfectly content to anchor here and sunbathe in the excitement created from that truly amazing episode.

I know at some point Lucy and a Tim will ride together again - so all hope is not lost. There’s a path forward, we just don’t see it yet.

Our map is incomplete.

#askandrea #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #tim x lucy #the rookie #i love them #uncharted waters #our path is unclear #incomplete map #boating metaphors #too soon to call it

[quietwingsinthesky]

See now you have me thinking about how Michael would be if Lucifer were pregnant with his baby. Because Lucifer bring knocked up with Sam's kid carries all these transgressions and the baby is Schrödinger's good, and pretty much everything you said, but his kid? His kid? Ignoring the fact that angels can't impregnate eachother in canon, Lucifer pregnant with Michael's child is a mindfuck for everyone involved because it means the whole world knows that Michael and Lucifer slept together, that Michael has either forgiven Lucifer or he took advantage of their messed up relationship and Lucifer's messed up view of him and now their this. Now there's something that binds them and he's going to have to be there and he's going to have to confront all these feelings about Lucifer, and that's before we even get to the baby itself because Michael is like, you want me to be a father? To be the think that fucked me up? Because Michael's personality is Son and now he has to be a father and I don't think he could deal with that.

Also the whole seeing Lucifer in pain during labour thing is even worse because he is the one causing the pain. Ah guh I'm sorry this is insane

😫😫😫 oh and there’s literally no good time in canon for this to happen, either! Pre-Fall, some desperate plan of Michael’s to tie Lucifer to him and force him to stay in Heaven and not fight, or a rendezvous during the Apocalypse gone wrong that ends with Michael knowing Lucifer is having his kid while they’re counting down to the day Michael has to kill him, or even post-Apocalypse, in the cage or out of it, because how do they walk back hurting each other like that, even to give their child a good life?

(Poor kid, lmao. Imagine inheriting the trauma of these two losers. Literally hell.)

Ough, and Michael having to shift his POV from Son to Father, when his only real experience of having a dad is God and because it’s God, Michael can’t look at any other examples and place them above him, he’s got to be The Best Example Of Parenting, The One Who Got It Right, and so Michael’s going to emulate him, in all the good and bad. (Personally, I like to just. sweep later seasons Chuck to the side. I prefer the more complex interpretations of s5 or even I think it’s s10 or 11? Where he’s clearly Bad at everything, he’s clearly done Wrong in abandoning his kids/giving Lucifer the Mark/parentifying Michael while also chopping away his autonomy/etc, but he does love them. Because that always makes it more complicated to come to terms with a parent having hurt you, that they did it, and they loved you.)

And pulling that back around to Michael, he’s got two conflicting parts of himself when it would come to parenting. There’s the part that raised his little brothers, and the part that wants to be to his child what god was to him, without examining how bad that would actually go.

(Lucifer is doing the exact same thing here, but in reverse, he’s trying to Not be like his dad, but. He’s also got zero experience in parenting beyond like. Making demons. Who he then hated and abandoned. What’s it mean to strive not to be anything like your dad when you have a few good memories left, too? Which is to say Lucifer is simultaneously too attached (because he won’t even think about abandoning his child as he was abandoned) while also being kind of cold? (Because maybe that way if he does end up hurting them, it’ll be less painful, because they’ll love him less.))

#never apologize for brain worms <3 #spn #ask #lucifer spn #michifer #michael spn #tw pregnancy

[sun-bleached-flies0]

Broken Skin: A Short Story

Another rumor was spread. Ophelia was being called a thief this time, stealing from the shops at night, having a secret safe filled with all sorts of jewels and prizes. She didn’t let this one bother her though as she walked down the street, heading towards the open arms of her lover. 

“What did they say about you today?” Valerie asked. 

“Nothing exciting. Apparently I steal from everybody,” Ophelia explained. 

The women laughed together, hooking their arms around each other as they walked deeper into the woods. Into the deep quiet where nobody would dare to disturb them. 

Everybody in the village was afraid of Ophelia and Valerie. Two women who were supposed to have husbands but had found each other instead. Women who “defied god” and were supposedly cursed for eternity. That was what the town said, which meant that these women didn’t believe such a thing. They were living in a town where women were expected to have children by the age of twenty, and where the church was the highest power. Punishments that were saved for people that didn’t follow the rules were being thrown out at the gates, being thrown in the river, or even a beheading. Ophelia and Valerie were willing to risk anything to be together, even if it meant losing their heads. 

“It’s best to leave them alone,” is what the old woman who owned the bakery advised to anyone who gave Ophelia and Valerie a weird look. 

They settled themselves against the river, a full moon shining bright above. The current was the only thing disrupting the quiet. 

“Do you think they will ever get bored of talking about us?” Ophelia asked. 

“Oh absolutely. I’m sure even the children have gotten bored of hearing their parents talk,” Valerie said. “Soon they’ll be complaining about how we breathe.” 

“How are your scars healing?” 

“They’re okay.” Valerie smiled reassuringly. Scars and bite marks from the night before were covered on her arms, but were quick to heal. They both knew their hunger for each other was only going to get worse, and there was nothing the women wanted to do about it. This type of violence, turning against the people you love, was all they were ever taught in their eighteen years of life. 

“Mine are okay too,” Ophelia said with a laugh. She lay her head on Valerie’s lap. There was a quiet understanding of their situation between them, and the sound of the fast current in the river put them to sleep.

~

Sunday was Church day, and for the first time in a long time, the girls decided to attend the service. The church was in the middle of the village, small yet still the one thing the people considered the villages’ prize.  They knew the townspeople witnessing them sitting in the back of the church would lay them off for at least a few hours. That was until Joseph, a teacher, confronted the two women after the service had ended.

“You both don’t know how truly rotten you are, right?” He asked, his voice filled with judgment and disgust.

“Sure we do. Why do you think we stay here?” Valerie countered. She was the one out of the two who was quick to insult back. 

“The church won’t throw you out with how you act right now, but I promise you I will with my own bare hands.” 

Hearing a man threaten them, let alone speak to them, was like hearing a cow speak. Complete utter nonsense was coming out of Joseph's mouth, and it wasn’t like this was the first time Ophelia and Valerie heard a threat directed towards them.

“We’ll be waiting for you to do that,” Ophelia teased. Provoking was the best part of conversations like this. 

Joseph’s stern expression didn’t budge. “There is a reason you both are isolated, and we both know why.” 

He was met with silence. No matter how much wit and confidence Ophelia and Valerie had, they could not say the reason out loud. They avoided eye contact, looking off to the side, waiting for any more insults Joseph was going to throw at them.

“Show up at the gates, or your punishment will be a lot worse,” Joseph finally said. 

He probably already prepared our graves, Valerie said in her head. She brushed past him without a word, taking Ophelia with her in one hand.

~

They were back at the river that evening, under the full moon once again. This time the river was still. Sneaking out seemed too easy by now, but a sense of paranoia hovered over the two women. Joseph had been the most serious about his threat unlike anyone else who wanted to hurt the girls or throw them out of the village. They had to be more watchful of the area around them. 

“I’m so tired,” Ophelia said, laying down with her head on Valerie’s lap. Her voice was drowsy and quiet, her body a bit limp as she laid down on the ground. “Aren’t you?” 

“You don’t even know the half of it,” Valerie mumbled back. She was feeling tired too. She had a sudden desire to throw herself in the river and let the current carry her to wherever it led to. She hoped there would be only darkness at the end of the river, her dread starting to consume her. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard a kind word from these people.” 

“I think when we do, we’ll be dead,” Ophelia said. She took a glance at Valerie’s pale left hand which lay limp in front of her. She was starting to drool as she stared at her lover’s hand. Ophelia dragged her tongue across her bottom lip before asking, “Can we stay here forever?” 

Valerie wasted no time answering. “Yes, we should.” 

Ophelia slowly rose up from Valerie’s lap, pinning her down to the ground. She slowly leaned down, pressing her lips to Valerie’s exposed chest before taking a bite out of her heart.

#literature #queer writers #writing project #short story #sapphic #wlw love #cannibalistic #writers on tumblr #lgbtq writer #lgbtq community #lgbtq #queer #queer women #writerscommunity #writing #writerslife #creative writing #original character #original post #bookish #booklr #gay #gay women #super gay

[writteninverses]

my year in fic

provide a line (or two. or three. hehe) for every fic you wrote this year. 

no need to forgive

Maybe it was the alcohol, the loneliness or just how fucking sad he felt, but Sirius began to believe that Remus was betraying them. What on Earth was he doing all those months away? Getting reinforcements? Sirius knew that the Order was weaker and weaker every day, so Remus’ job was bullshit. Didn’t mean anything. Therefore, he must’ve joined them. He covered it with the fact that Moody asked him to go, to reclute them. It wasn’t working, it was fake. Was their love fake too? Was he trying to convince Sirius to join too? When did he make that decision?

blue room (not posted)

“Of course I will, but just tell me this, when is Sirius coming back? I think the last time I heard from him he was in Thailand!”

“My God, Remus, that was like 5 months ago. He was back in Amsterdam for a few months, you know, playing in that musical. And by staying in the same place for longer than 3 months, he’s decided he might as well do all that here.”

“Oh, I see. So I guess he is coming back soon.”

“Why do you look nervous? Are you actually nervous, Remus?”

“Come on, Lily. You know I haven't talked to the guy in years, our texts consist of us wishing each other a good birthday and a happy new year. That’s all. For some reason James and him have been able to maintain their friendship, but I don’t know what happened to us. We didn’t have a fight or anything when he left, he just left me here and I went to Wales.”

“Alright, I see it, Re. Maybe I can text you when he comes and you can see him when James and I are around, okay? That way you won’t have to face him all by yourself.”

Remus takes a deep breath and checks his phone again, “Yeah, that would make me feel better.”

i get along without you very well (not posted)

If you ask Remus Lupin how he is doing, he would say that he is doing fine, thank you very much. He is getting along very well, given the circumstances: he still has his mum, Poppy and a weird looking cat named Muffin that had stolen Sirius’ heart and now he is stuck with it.

one song glory (not posted)

It is late November when Sirius realises he is fucking bored. Bored of everything and everyone, nothing seems to spark some joy out of him. He despises his degree, his family and the fucking tattoos that he got at 15 that look hideous and he can’t even look at them.Sirius is in his 3rd year of University and he can’t wait another year to be able to finish and fuck off, God knows where. He is studying Law just because his parents wouldn’t have paid for his tuition if he had chosen to do something else, so fucking Law it is. Maybe he could be a lawyer in another country, far away from dear Mother and Father. But that means that he wouldn’t be close to his friends and Regulus, and that makes his heart ache.

sirius (not posted and i don’t even have a name for this)

Sirius doesn’t quite recall when this exactly started, but he remembers the countless hours spent in the bathroom, just looking at the reflection. it’s always helped him to come to terms with how he looks, at least from a perspective. Bella would make fun of his nose, how it was bigger than what’s expected of a Black. So Sirius looked at his nose in the mirror, and learnt to love it, convincing himself that it belongs in his face, that he wouldn’t want any other kind of nose there with his face. He had been born with it and it’s his, he wouldn’t trade it for anything else. At least he looked less like the rest of his family.

light carries on endlessly

“In this type of dance, you are both a leader and a follower. Every person dancing has these two roles. I saw that you know how to lead yourself around, but you fail to relax and just feel the music. You must trust everyone on the dance floor. They’ll lead you and you’ll lead them. The trick is trust, James. You must let yourself trust others.”

im tagging anyone who wants to do this!!!! xxxx

#my fic #i wrote quite a bit #though i just posted two things #but still!! #plenty of stuff in my google docs <3 #r/s

[somian-audere]

ENTRY XXXIII

Of New Years and New Fears

Happy new year, everyone.

            The holidays had been surprisingly kind to me, got to meet up with a few relatives and for once it wasn’t a complete pain in my behind save for one event that I’ll save for later. Went swimming with two of my cousins. The two were in elementary school, one was in the sixth grade and the other was in fourth grade, I believe? The details got a bit muddled since I was just quietly enjoying my time in the inadequately short swimming pool.

Look, I love swimming okay? It's one of the few cardiovascular exercises that don't make me sweat so much...on the account that I'm already wet from the start.

Back on topic, my cousins were an interesting pair of lads.

            Reminded me of how I was back when I was their age albeit I’d like to believe I was much better behaved than they were. After all, I had to maintain my rank as the ‘most behaved student’ AKA the student that didn’t talk much. Throwaway awards aside, the two had a surprisingly morbid and weird sense of shared humor. Granted, I’m pretty sure everyone’s gone through their hyper edgy, dark humor phase. I knew I did.  I won’t delve into it since a ton of the jokes they said would’ve gotten them canceled on this corner of the internet, besides they’re kids, they’ll figure it out eventually, right?

Yeah, I know, cousin of the year.

            But hey, I’m not their parents, go sue me. I’m not about to lecture kids on why their jokes are offensive, not while I’m laughing along with them. What can I say? My sense of humor is juvenile.

Besides that,

            A ton of my relatives pointed out how big I was getting. Admittedly I’m not sure whether to take that as an insult or a complement, because I had been bulking up thanks to my work-out routine. Another factor to consider is the fact that I have also been getting heavier due to my recent medication. Turns out I had hyperthyroidism, so I had to take meds which may have been contributing to my recent density increase. Truth be told, my body has been getting a bit heavier for my liking and even though my thyroid hormones are reaching normal levels, my sweat levels are still off the charts.

Perhaps I should try a healthier diet for the year.

            But I swear to God, each time I try my family always ends up with more food than we know how to deal with after the holidays and then I have to deal with a ton of the leftovers! I’m never going to get rid of my beer belly at this point.

So that’s two resolutions for the year: Be healthy, and be less sweaty.

            Two things that I have struggled with for years, we’re off to a great start.

Speaking of things that I’ve struggled with.

            This year, I intend to stop pursuing something that’s a bit more personal. A last shot at something before I try something new. I have a plan A and B for it, but the chances of both plans failing are at an all time high. I’m…not sure what I can do if I fail at both things but doing both of them feels like the safest option.

I can’t go into depth about the two plans but I guess I can talk about them discreetly enough.

Plan A.

            I’ve been trying at this one for years. Each attempt has only resulted in marginal improvements, it’s good but not enough—the story of my life summed up in a single statement. I’m not even motivated to try all that much this time, even after months of ‘preparing’ for it. If I succeed in this matter, it feels like I’ll end up in the same place I did months ago. I can’t…I can’t go through that again. But if I fail, then I let a ton of people down. Is that a fair price? My pain for the satisfaction of others?

Plan B.

            This one’s a more recent endeavor—it’s a solid option if I succeed in it given my current circumstances. Scary thing about it is I have no clue as to how it might end up in a few years’ time. I still have debts to pay for the next few years and I’m not sure if it’ll be able to cover that. Furthermore, I have already tried for this and absolutely fumbled the bag. I’m willing to try again for it, if that’s what it takes.

I have never been one for gambling.

            And yet my life has the need to raise the stakes anyways. If you’re afraid that I’m betting my life on two very flimsy options then know that I have a third less concrete but equally flimsy option along the way.

…

Contrary to what everyone knows about me, I am not a very smart person.

            I have no clue what to do with the rest of my life now. And all I can do is come up with elaborate plans to tide the coming storm—trying to find a way to give myself more time to figure things out. But I never do.

And I guess that’s probably the last resolution for this year: Figure things out.

Let’s all have a great 2024.

#memoir #personal #writing #new years resolution

[itsyourchoicedevotionals]

Instead Of A Shotgun

“May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.” 2Peter 1:2NLT

Have you noticed there are two ingredients missing from the world today? Grace— extending grace to other people is an almost extinct concept— although everyone wants grace extended over all their mistakes. Peace? Fear overruns every aspect of society. We’re force fed fear from every media source with their bad events permeated with fear.

How do we obtain more grace and peace? Peter gave us the answer in the same verse— “as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.“ The Bible is interpreted by varying denominations. Each one believes they have the corner market on knowing God and Jesus. Truth is every protestant denomination has a portion of the full gospel. Until we unite in love as one just like Jesus prayed in John 17:11ESV “…I am coming to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name… that they may be one, even as We are one;” we won’t have the full gospel picture God intended and definitely not the corner on the market.

More importantly than the denominations knowing God the Father, Jesus the Son and Holy Spirit— we must individually know Them intimately, lovingly, and carefully. God is the lover of mankind, 1John 4:8NIV “…God is love.” Love for God, love for friend, sibling, parent, spouse is birthed inside of God, because He’s the Originator of love.

If we hated someone, we wouldn’t kill our own son as a sacrifice for the person we hated, would we? God did exactly that for us— that’s love— not hate as satan likes to feed everyone. John 3:16NIV “For God so loved the world that He GAVE His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (Emphasis mine.)

Legalistic holiness taught me all backwards. For much of my life I’ve had to fight the belief God was out to punish me, even hated me. Satan is a stickler for the law and punisher of every offense of broken law. He’s also fear incarnate, a liar, hater, peace stealer, fight promoter and the list goes on forever and ever. In fact, he gets the church—Christians to enforce the law on each other, (legalism), so they’ll judge, and wage war on God’s grace. That was how he got the Pharisees to kill Jesus.

Once we can define the lines of where judgment comes from and where grace and peace come from, we’re beginning to have intimate and loving “knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.”

There’s more to add to our knowledge— being ‘careful.’ Why be careful? Because Father God’s grace covers every breaking of the law, it doesn’t stop the fact He has laws and ways of doing things which work easier.

When we’re careful to do things according to His way, it’s more like deer hunting with a rifle instead of a shotgun. We get better results, like peace in the midst of the greatest turmoil the world has ever seen. The way to this peace is simple— Make God’s Word final authority in every aspect of our lives. “Thou shalt not kill.” Exodus 20:13KJV, wasn’t God stuttering about whether the mother was raped or not, baby doesn’t die. Equally, if God’s Word says to tithe— then tithe the first fruits— first deduction, not last. Offer up offerings instead of casually giving— then learn how to offer to God your offerings. Pray prayers of petition— find out what this prayer is and how to pray in petitions.

Do you want God’s grace and peace to keep you in the midst of all the fear? It’s your choice. You choose.

LET’S PRAY: Lord God lead us in Your ways. Help us to go deeper into You and Your ways, in the name of Jesus Christ I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux Copyright 2023 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional, as author. Thank you.

#Jesus Chrsit #lord of lords #Word of God #Holy Spirit #God #it's your choice #devotional #shotgun #rifle #turmoil #peace #grace #god is love #love #hope #faith