#ill answer the rest of these later in the weekend!!

[strwbrryeyes]

𖦹°｡⋆ semi as a best friend

⟡ cw: fluff, friends to lovers,

⟡ a/n: um. ill do goshiki and shirabu later....maybe....also yes i made this music based mostly bc thats what he does okok

⟡ best friend series: tendou, ushijima || masterlist

best friend semi who you met at band camp when you were both 14.

best friend semi who you got closer to when you both fought over who got to be lead guitarist during the final performance for your assigned group. it brought you closer bc it made you realize you both love guitar.

best friend semi who won the battle but it was okay because you got lead vocals.

best friend semi who was obsessed with your singing voice and begged you to form a band with him after band camp ended.

best friend semi who was ecstatic when you agreed and even more so when you found out you would both be attending the same high school for your upcoming first year.

best friend semi who surprised you when you found out he was actually pretty athletic when he told you he was going to joing the volleyball team.

best friend semi who came up to you freaked out when he met ushijima because he was intimidating but you just laughed at him and called him a wimp.

best friend semi who you tried to recruit more band members with but failed because everyone at shiratorizawa is #lame according to him.

best friend semi who somehow managed to get you to watch him practice everyday so you guys could walk back to his house to rehearse for gigs you didn't have.

best friend semi who finally booked something for your unnamed due your second year of high school at a restaurant he visited with the team after one match.

best friend semi who told you by giving you a cake that he asked tendou to help him make that said "we booked a gig! :)".

best friend semi who had a game the same day of the gig so he had to run from shiratorizawa to the restaurant. he was almost late but he made it on time and played guitar flawlessly.

best friend semi who in his second year said he wanted to take a small break from the band because he wanted to focus on volleyball a bit more. you supported him because you wanted to focus on school a bit more anyway.

best friend semi who still had jam sessions with you for fun on weekends in his bedroom.

best friend semi who realized his feelings for you when he ended up writing a love song and realized he was thinking about you while writing it.

best friend semi who stashed away the journal he wrote the song in because he didn't want to jeopardize anything.

best friend semi who you sang to sleep after he lost his thrid year nationals because he was crying in your arms as soon as he left the building.

best friend semi who you went to college with and got an apartment with so you guys could practice music together since you were both locking in for that.

best friend semi who got more band members recruited because you both agreed you need more sounds.

best friend semi who while looking through old songs, found the love song he stashed away nearly a year prior and decided to profess his love for you.

best friend semi who set up secret practice sessions with the rest of the band to rehearse the song.

best friend semi who surprised you by singing the love song to you during one of your gigs.

best friend semi who asked you out on stage causing the whole venue to go quiet waiting for your answer.

best friend semi who didnt have to wait long because you automatically screamed yes (and into the microphone causing everyones ears to hurt)

best friend semi who is now boyfriend semi who you now write love songs with every now and then causing the rest of the band to gag but secretly they find it cute.

#𖦹°｡⋆ 𝓃𝒾𝓃𝒾 #semi x reader #semi eita x reader #semi eita #semi x reader fluff #semi eita x reader fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader fluff #haikyuu fluff #semi eita fluff

[lipringlrh]

let me sleep - lrh

summary: luke’s snoring and blanket stealing has kept you awake all night. he tries to make it better when he realises.

an: happy valentine’s day! i used quite a few prompts from this list so i hope you enjoy it:)

word count: ~950

pairings: luke hemmings x genderneutral!reader

warnings: none really, just fluff and wearing someone else clothes

feedback + constructive criticism appreciated, requests are open

…

You had a terrible sleep - you'd just woken up and you already felt dreadful. Luke had spent the whole night hogging the blankets and pressing his icy feet against your legs - no matter how far you moved away, they seemed to drift back to you.

He fell asleep a lot quicker than you, and the first time he tugged the blankets off of you, you took them back rather easily. But the more it happened, the harder it was to get any for yourself.

After multiple failed hours of sleep, you were sick of it. You went down stairs and stole the two blankets off the sofa and brought them back to bed. You wrapped them around you, folding the corners into your chest so Luke had no way of stealing it. And you finally managed to sleep.

You woke up an hour later to your whole body frozen. Luke had wrapped himself in both the duvet and the blankets, leaving one leg stuck out which happened to be pressed against yours. He was snoring incredibly loudly which irritated you more and more. You began trying to lift just one of the blankets away from him to no avail. He was wrapped in them so tightly; you didn't understand how he wasn't overheating.

After that, you couldn't sleep whatsoever. You gone and borrowed one of Luke's hoodies, and a pair of his joggers, from his wardrobe yet the cold was still numbing. You'd be able to slip your feet and a small portion of one of your legs under the duvet which gave you a little comfort until Luke's legs found them and froze them again. He wasn't ill so you had no idea how he could feel so cold.

You tricked yourself into falling asleep not long later but it felt like minutes until Luke was waking you up again. He'd wanted to get up early because he knew this weekend, you'd promised each other to spend as much time with the other as possible. However, you made him swear he wouldn't get you up too early as you'd never been much of a morning person.

He'd woken you up rather nicely, shaking you a little, then pressing kisses all around your face. As sweet as that was, you were having none of it - you turned around and spoke, "piss off."

Luke was slightly taken aback, but figured you'd just had a bad sleep. He tried to latch onto your waist and wrap his arms around you but you just pushed him off and grabbed the duvet. If you couldn't sleep last night, you were going to make it up now and not let Luke distract you.

"You okay, angel? Did you not sleep okay?" His hand was on your head, trying to comfort you without annoying you.

As much as you liked talking to him, you'd wake yourself up and have no chance at sleeping again if you did. You tried to murmur something back - with was unintelligible to both you and Luke. Instead, you answered him again, "no, let me sleep."

Luke could tell you were not happy and needed this so he just carried on trying to comfort you. Nothing was working; you still couldn't sleep and had spent the last five minutes wriggling around trying to find a comfy position.

You felt Luke move away from behind you and figured he must've been bothered by the squirming around. Instead he gently flipped you around and placed your head on his chest.

As usual, he knew exactly what you needed and you felt a lot more comfortable, "you're so cute when you're irritable and sleepy."

You chose to ignore him, "you're so warm. How are you so warm? You were so cold earlier."

You felt him chuckle against you, pausing to wrap his arms more tightly around you. You moved your hands under his shirt, letting them rest on his stomach and steal his heat.

"Are you wearing my clothes? I swear you weren't wearing them when we went to bed." He moved his hands to your shoulders, gently massaging them, keeping you relaxed.

"You spent the whole night hogging the blankets and duvet, snoring in my ear, and pressing your frozen feet into me, I think this is the least you can do."

He kept one hand on your shoulders whilst letting the other one move up and down your back. "m'not complaining, you look very pretty in my clothes. And I'm sorry about that, angel, I didn't mean to, let me make it up now, yeah?"

You nodded, trying to relax yourself again, cuddling into him more and more. Luke hadn't once removed his eyes from you. He was looking down at you fondly the whole time, trying his best to make sure you're okay. He was grinning slightly at the sight of you - he was so grateful to wake up with someone like you and wanted you to spend every moment tucked in his arms.

"Will you sing to me, Lu? Anything you'd like."

He gripped you tighter, moving one of his hands to intertwine with yours. He pressed a kiss to it, then placed another on your head, pausing for a moment to remember it, "of course i will."

You were mostly asleep already, so when he began to sing something you didn't recognise, but had a feeling Luke wrote, you fell asleep almost instantly, His voice was so soothing you wanted to listen to it forever. No matter how hard you wanted to keep listening, you fell asleep, the last thing you remember being another kiss to your face, an, "I love you, sweetheart," and the end of the song.

…

feedback + constructive criticism welcomes, requests are open

#luke hemmings x reader #5sos x reader #luke hemmings imagines #luke hemmings fluff #luke hemmings #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #5sos fluff #5sos #luke hemmings imagine #5 seconds of summer #luke headcanons #luke hemmings smut #luke hemmings x y/n #luke hemmings x you #luke hemmings angst #luke hemming imagines #calum hood x reader #calum hood #ashton irwin #ashton irwin x reader #michael clifford #michael clifford x reader #5 second of summer imagines #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos smut #5sos blurb #5 seconds of summer x reader #my writing

[dirtybitfic]

So wrong yet so right Final part

Smutt, graduation, relationship , Time skip .

Me and matt woke up enter twined in each others arms.

it was nice to wake up to him I know that there is no going back to a normal " professor student " relationship after last night but right now all I can think about is how happy he makes me feel.

We got up and showered then he made us breakfast and we ate and watched movies cuddling the rest of the day. I didn't realize that its almost the end of the weekend .

It's Saturday night right now and i'm dreading tomorrow But right now im content as matt is between my thighs eating me out like a fucking pro. I now believe the saying"older men do it better" because Jesus Christ ive never had head feel so good.

F-fuck matt oh my god I moan out as hes sucking and licking on my clit and my hands are entertained in his hair.

He hums against be causing me to buck into his and press his face harder into me. His fingers pumping in and out at the perfect speed as my 4th orgasm of the night is coursing though me .

He laps up my juices that are spilling out of me as im gasping and crying from how over stimulated I am .

I have to forcefully push his head away since he showed no signs of stopping .

Sorry baby you okay I just cant get enough of you he says while stroking my hair.

mhm im okay just overstimulated I sigh out as I slump onto the bed and wipe my tears away.

we fall asleep talking about childhood memories and crazy things we've done in our past.

.............................................................................................................................

Sunday morning rolls around and I groan as I turn over to face matt seeing hes already looking at me smiling.

good morning gorgeous

good morning I cheap back as I nuzzle into his warm bare chest .

after laying there for a bit I groan as I get up and stretch then head to the bathroom .

I come out and sigh as I sit next to him as hes reading something on his phone.

All the sudden the doorbell rings and his head snaps to the door .

fuck he says as he gets up and throws on a shirt rushing down the stairs I slowly follow as I hear another loud voice booming from the entry way. I look down the stairs to see another man looking a lot like matt just with longer hair.

I slowly make my way down the stairs and he looks at me smiling.

wow matt who is this he says pointing to me with a smirk

matt turns smiling as I walk up next to him.

this is y/n and y/n this is my brother chris

its nice to meet you chris ive heard a lot about you I answer honestly . Matt talked so sweetly about his brothers last night and I learned a lot about them.

its nice to meet you too he says smiling at me warmly .

well I just wanted to stop by since I just git back from the big meeting in New York and to drop these papers off to you Chris says handing matt a folder .

Thanks man im glad your back and that the meeting went well you and nick should come over for dinner this week. he says before hugging his brother.

yeah for sure ill next nick and see what day works best but ill leave you two alone . Love you man see you later he says before walking back out the front door and to his car.

so what should we do today matt says turning to me with a smile I return it with a small sigh.

I don't know but I do kinda have homework I say sigh dramatically looking off to the side. The homework im speaking of is for his class

what for what class he asks like he shocked I have work to do.

oh you know this writing class the professor loves to give us work over the weekend . What a dick am I right I joke as I smile up at him

well I hear that professor is very forgiving with his favorite student he says stepping closer with a smirk on his face

oh is he now I say smiling as my hand creeps up his shirt over his chest

mhm he hums as he picks me up and takes me to the couch .

He sits down as I straddle him as he brings me into a deep needy kiss.

I grind onto him and a whimper escapes my lips from the friction.

He unties his sweat pants as he pulls them down along with his boxers as his dick springs out .

gonna ride me like good girl yeah he says as he looks deeply into my eyes.

I nod as I move my thong to the side and slide down onto him causing us both to groan .

I start bouncing as moans escape my lips and deep groans leave his.

his hands grab my ass slapping it a couple times as I continue bouncing as his length fills me to the brim and his tip hits my spot every time.

my breathing is accelerating as my orgasm vastly approaches .

fuck gonna cum with me baby he groans as his grip on my ass tightens and I moan .

y-yes sir I moan out as I speed up my bouncing close to reaching my orgasm .

After a couple more bounces he twitches inside me and I shake and clench around him as I cum and he grabs my hips fucking up into me for a little until he fills me up.

Fuck he groans as we both sit there catching our breathe .

I lay my head on his chest as I slowly lift myself off of him but stay seated on his lap .

I look into his eyes as he looks into mine both sharing a look we cant write place.

I really like you y/n

I really like you too matt I say as a cheeky smile forms on my face .

after a couple hours of cuddling and watching movies we decide its probably time to take me back to my car I left on campus Friday night

I don't want to go home but I know I need to .

We drive back as we talk and listen to music .

I give his a final kiss good bye before getting into my car and heading back to my apartment.

Im sad I won't see him until Friday since he had to cancel class Tuesday for a business meeting with his brothers but I understand .

once I get home I take a shower and et some dinner before finishing up some work die tomorrow for my classes then head to bed giddy as I have flash backs of the perfect weekend I spent with matt.

.............................................................................................................................

Friday rolls around and i'm rushing to class way to excited to see him than I should be.

I enter the class room and sit down closer to the front as his eyes meet mine and we smile. I have to hold myself back from blushing .

Class went by fast as matt ends the class off with our writing assignment that will make up our final grade for the class . The end of my senior semester is closing in and im excited but also scared for what will happen when I graduate.

As im packing my stuff matt come over and places a paper on my desk smiling at me .

I look at it seeing its the name of a restaurant outside of town and a picture of a gorgeous convertible rental.

what is this I ask confused

all you need to know is to be ready by 6:30 ill be waiting outside in that convertible he says before walking back to his desk gathering his things and heading out the door.

Me and matt are at dinner right now talking and having a good time before he goes serious.

so I have something to ask you he says in a serious tone

o-okay I answer nervously

will you be my girlfriend he ask smiling

yes of course I say smiling so big my cheeks hurt.

he leans over the table pressing a kiss to my lips then sitting back down

so what do you plan on doing when you graduate he ask as he takes a sip of his wine

Im not quite sure I was thinking of trying to write a book I say as I look at him smiling.

you know where the best place to write a book is he asks smiling

hmm no where I say tilting my head

my home office he says smiling bigger

is- that your way of asking me to move in with you when I graduate I ask a bit take back

yes it is he says noting his head smiling

I guess that would be okay I say in a sarcastic joking tone

he smiles before shaking his head so is that a yes

yes thats a yes I say as I cant stop smiling

.............................................................................................................................

I just received my diploma and my college years have come to an end .

its bittersweet but exciting at the same time.

Im talking to my friends as matt come over giving me a hug .

Congratulations y/n I know you'll do great things he says keeping up the "just my professor" act up since we are in front of people.

Thank you professor sturniolo im really glad I took your class its helped me figure out I really like writing .

well I think you'd be an amazing writer he says smiling

thank you I smile back as my friend drew grabs my hand

come on we gotta got get ready for the party she says before dragging me away.

I smile and wave good bye before mouthing the words

"see you Tommorrow " making him smile

Me and my friends just got to the big ass end of the year party as everyone os drinking and having a good time.

Im deciding not to drink tonight since my stomach has been feeling weird this week and im not feeling throwing up tonight.

Were all mingling and talking reminiscing on the good times as Jay walks up to me looking upset . He was the guy I had been seeing on and off but since me and matt started seeing each other I stopped talking to him.

Y/n why haven't you answered my texts he slurs as he stumbled a bit

ive been really busy with homework and I kinda met someone im sorry I should have talked to you about it I say trying to loom like its sorry when in reality im not.

You - met somebody he asks looking like a sad puppy

yeah i... im sorry I just... he cuts me off

no don't be im happy for you he says smiling

really you are I ask a bit shocked

yeah cause I kinda met someone too his names Damian he says smiling.

I look at him jaw dropped I had no idea you were bi I say smiling

yeah I just recently found out myself but im glad were both happy and know I still love you so much you've been a great person to have in my life these past years he says bringing me into a hug

I love you too jay I say as I hug him back

well I should probably head home ive had a couple to many drinks but good luck with whatever great things you'll be doing and you better keep in touch

you too be safe I say as he walks off and I smile . That was the nicest way that interaction could have gone and im glad hes happy .

.............................................................................................................................

A week later-

I woke up this morning to my stomach feeling sick and I immediately ran to the bathroom throwing up .

Matt just texted me hes otw to help me pack all my bags and boxes into the moving truck he rented since im moving in with him today .

He just got here and were moving boxes when I feel a move of sickness wash over and I run to the toilet throwing up again.

You okay baby you feeling sick he ask as he runs my back .

yeah ive been feeling off these past couple of weeks and I threw up this morning when I woke up

im sorry baby ill make you some soup when we get home okay he says and I immediately smile.

I love that you say when "we get home" I say smiling at him

come on lets get these last boxes and get going he says with a smile .

After about two hours im fully moved in and im eating th soup matt made me .

I finish it and sit on the couch next to him nuzzling into his side when all the sudden I feel sick again I immediately get up and run to the bathroom throwing up again.

he comes in feeling my head

your not running a fever ... what are you feeling he asks looking down at me .

I don't know just tired and my stomach feels weird

how long have you been feeling like this

uhh maybe 4 weeks

he stares at me before his mouth opens slightly

do you think you could be... pregnant he ask looking at me with worry on his face

shit... that didnt even come to my mind I mean im on birth control but ... I skipped a couple days when I stayed over the weekend. I say instantly panicking

hey hey don't freak out its okay ill go buy a test right now

he takes some time to calm me down so he texted his brother nick asking him to go get the test and bring it over .

nick comes in smiling as he gives me a hug seeing I was upset

I know its tough but hey I wouldn't mind having a niece or a nephew he says making me laugh a little

okay I-im gonna go take this real quick I say heading into the bathroom .

I don't know whether to be upset or excited. I just graduated and moved in with matt and I know I want to start writing a book which I can do from home so thats a plus and matt has told me several times I don't need to get a job unless I really want to but he wants me to take time writing a book and see how far I can really go with it so .

My timer goes off and I grab the test still not turning it over as I walk out and matt and nick and now chris who I guess came too looked at me .

I cant look can - can you guys look for me I say as I hold the test out in my hand

matt take it before turning it over all of them smiling as they look up at me .

y-you're pregnant matt says

oh my god chris says as he gets up giving me a hug

I smile as he rocks me back and fourth

im so happy for you guys . Im gonna have a nephew ... or nice he says pulling away from the hug smiling so big I cant help but smiles too.

Im so happy this is good news right nick says looking between me and matt.

we. both look at each other before smiling ear to ear and nodding.

.............................................................................................................................

im about 7 months pregnant right now and I just found out my book is being published .

Me and matt are celebrating as we decide to discuss baby names .

We found out it was a boy a couple months ago but still haven't been Able to agree on a name so we brought matt and Chris over to help us decide.

okay we have 4 options

Theo , Silas, eros , and Luca.

oooh I like Silas its cool as fuck

I like eros but they are all good names its hard to pick

I knoooow I love Silas though

me too is has a ring to it Silas Sturniolo he says smiling

ahh that does sound cool chris agrees smiling

I agree I think ... its Silas then

I think its a beautiful name

we all smile nodding in agreement

.............................................................................................................................

3 years later-

Silas just turned 3 and both our families are here me and matt got married about a year ago and life couldn't be more perfect.

Ive been writing more books and people have been loving them . money is coming in from both of us and we are very conferrable .

matt is no longer teaching instead he then over a good amount of the buildings him and his brothers own and he now runs a publishing company the company that just is happens to publish my books .

our family get along so well and I just cant believe this is how my life turned out.

Old me used to say " this is so wrong yet so right" and right now all I feel is that it is right.

We met under questionable circumstances but only we know that our family's believe we met at a book signing event and thats how well keep it .... our own dirty secret that will die with us.

I love you mommy Silas says as he hugs me and runs off with Chris " his favorite uncle" and I smile .

I love you baby matt says as he hugs me from the back

always and forever I say back as we hold each other smiling and watching our life play before our eyes.

THE END 💋

tags-

@sophia-77n, @riasturns @milasturniolo @junnniiieee07 @blahbel668 @sturnsjtop @skyslondon

#matt sturniolo #smut #fanfiction

[equallyshaw]

little lion au | luke hughes ↠ when liona and luke meet, pt 2. pt 1. ↠ au masterlist.

warnings: underage drinking, before her fake id is taken away lol. there's a blurb on that too, here. word count: 1.5K.

luke was beside himself, he was upset and absolutely livid with himself. he should have never let liona leave, he shouldn't have done what he did - well he regrets not saying anything to her. he also hated that he didn't have her number, to at least attempt to explain himself. liona was too upset, with herself more than anything. she was upset at the fact that she allowed herself to be as vulnerable as she was. she suffered from either explaining and oversharing too much or being quiet, and having nobody hear from her. no in-between. she felt guilt that she allowed him to kiss her, only to reject her right after. and then a part of her felt bad, because of the look that grazed his pale and strong features, once he saw that she was leaving and leaving with chris.

once the two of them left, he dropped her off at her mom's greenwich village and then didn't hear from her that weekend, nor any of their friends. she had shut everybody off and felt as if she had embarrassed herself. yet, her mom would disagree. after 2 am dip sum, coco, and a homemade charlotte pie (russian apple pie) she was somewhat cured and opened up to her mom. she went back to her apartment in west village, which she shared with sean and rain her best friends from highschool. the two were up and eating a late breakfast when she walked through the squeaky front door, and it was hard to not hear that she had entered. "good morning lioness." sean said as she came to sit down on the barstool, and she smiled softly. he wrapped an arm around her, and she leaned into him. "hows mama?" he questioned and liona smiled. "she's good, made me some charlotte pie and got dip sum for me." she hummed making the two smile. "wanna talk about what happened?" rain asked, treading lightly. liona shook her head, taking the mug of coffee from her. "ill talk about it later." she said shrugging, before heading off to her bedroom.

_

liona and the group found themselves out a week and a half later in lower manhattan, which took about 20 minutes to talk to as a group. chris and liona were the first ones to walk up to the bar, while the rest of them found a booth in the corner; opposite side of the bar which had a very loud group. chris wrapped an arm around liona, meeting the other side of bar next to her, leaning in to hear her talk about her classes that week. they ordered a round of shots for the group, a long island ice tea for her and an expresso martini for himself. he paid for the group, flashing his id for the bartender. she scurried back toward the group, and plopped down in the booth next to gavin. "they are so fucking loud, oh my god." rain complained about the group opposite side of the bar from them, and when she looked over she felt her body flood with dread. and anxiety. there was the very boy who rejected her. she turned back towards gavin who was trying to get her attention, then chris showed up with the drinks. she thanked him and passed around the shots. they clunk them on the table lightly, and took them at the same time. she quickly grabbed the lime and sucked on it, to get rid of the burn that was burning her throat. she then sipped on her long island ice tea, and leaned back into the booth as chris sat across from her.

"you see him?" chris whispered to the girl, and she nodded softly flicking her gaze over towards them again. which proved to be the wrong answer, because luke was already looking over. she swallowed softly, before gazing at chris and then back towards the group. luke grew annoyed or angry, he could not quite decipher but was agitated that chris and her were sitting closely together. he watched as she laughed at what somebody said, and he wished that the reason she was smiling was because of him. as cheesy as that sounds, but she smiled so wide and brightly that he thought she was an angel.

about 35 minutes later, she was on her way back to the bar with her fake id in hand and ready for a vodka cran. she strummed her fingers on the wooden bar and then felt somebody step up next to her. "just a coke, please." she heard the familiar voice of the curly haired boy. "hi kai." he started and she turned towards him, hating how quickly she looked over. "hi luke." she said softly, meeting his eye too quickly to her liking. his hazel eyes pierced her brown ones, as they looked at one another. "how have you been, kai?" he questioned and she shrugged, "classes are rotten but what's new?" she quipped, thanking the bartender before taking a sip of the spirited drink. luke got his coke and turned back towards her. "hows your astronomy elective?" he questioned, thinking back to the night that they had met. she shrugged, "harder than it looks that is for sure." she said giggling, before shaking her head. "apparently trevor one of my brothers best friends was an astronomy major back at boston, he said its hard but interesting." and she agreed to that. "no for sure. im just glad that's not my major, but im glad i took it." she said smiling softly. she looked back over towards her friend group, and luke took the opportunity. "do you wanna get out of here? i know a pizza place right up the street." she looked back at luke, and giggled. she was quite surprised that he offered up pizza, but she would not pass up the opportunity. "are you gonna embarrass me again?" she quizzed, an eyebrow arching. he shook his head profusely, "and if i did embarrass you in any way that was never my intention last time. i apologize truly for that." he said as anxiety pulsed through his body. she nodded softly, "well alright then, lets go get a slice." she said setting her drink back on the bar and taking ahold of his hand before walking towards the entrance. the weather for october was still quite warm, with a slight humidity to the 62 degree weather. the two of them headed towards the pizza place, down the block weaving in and out of people, yet never letting eachothers hand go.

_

the two ordered some cheese pizza slices, sitting in a booth furthest from the door. liona smiled widely and shut her eyes savoring the fresh pizza. "i wish they had this back home, or well this good of pizza. which yknow might be a good thing because id be there everyday." she joked, as luke laughed. "you go home a lot?" he questioned and she nodded. "pretty much every month or two or sometimes more depending my work load, if i can get work off and what my dad home games look like. he typically gets me home once a month with home tickets, usually ill see a friend of my dads or family friend depending on the team." she explained before taking another bite. "anybody i know?" he questioned, and she nodded. "yeah evegeni malkin is an uncle to me, i see him a lot too, and then andrei svechnikov who's like a brother to me, i call him my russian brat which translates to russian brother or something similar." she said before finishing the slice. luke nodded, "how long have you known him?" he asked somewhat jealous, and she grinned at him. "since he was drafted so 2018 i think. my dad had him come train in the summer with him right before he reported to carolina. he stayed with us in dc and yeah." she said sipping some of her lemonade. luke nodded, "there are a couple others, around the league but im not friends with them, i just know them through my dad." she said shrugging and luke nodded.

"do you wanna tell me why you rejected me that night?" she questioned a few minutes later and luke looked up from a text his brother had send. he set down his phone before responding, "truthfully, i didn't want you to think i wanted more than that. i mean i do but i didn't want it that night, i didn't want you to think i was taking advantage of you or anything." he confessed and she nodded softly. maybe she had judged him too quickly. "well thankyou, i appreciate that but im not a child luke. im older than you." she said half teasing, half serious. "i know, but we had just met and i wasn't comfortable doing anything more than getting to know you that night. im sorta..im sorta shy." he said honestly. she smiled, "i don't think I've ever heard a guy say that, let alone out loud." she said, "but i appreciate it. im glad that you felt comfortable enough to say it out loud and to me." she mused reaching over and taking ahold of his left hand. he smiled while blushing. he looked down at their hands, brushing his thumb with hers.

"wanna meet my roommates cat?" she questioned cheekily and luke chuckled, "id love to meet them." he grinned.

hope you all enjoyed!!

#luke hughes #luke hughes blurb #luke hughes fic #luke hughes imagine #new jersey devils #luke hughes x ovechkin #little lion au #nhl #hockey #hockey fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #hockey imagine #nhl blurb #hockey blurb

[olath124]

WIP WHENEVER

Thank you @ouroboros-hideout for the tag! It's always super fun to do this kind of stuff!

After a weekend full of Christmas markets I'm quite delirious but I'll try to put the things I am working on in some kind of order.

Ok, the thing I’m doing exactly right now is a drawing of Violet, Misty, and Jackie when they were kids. I've just reached the part where Jackie dies and… so many FEELINGS. So I had to do this!

Here they are… probably I’ll post the finished version tomorrow.

On the artistic side I want to draw chibi Aurore, Aymeric and Jhonny at least. But for them I only have an image in my head so far… The gremlin in my head is also yelling: “What about Jackie, Misty, Viktor and Jago!?!? And your other two Vs (one is not even already made in game xD) ?!?What about them?!?” So… yeah, Ill be drawing them way into next year…

As I said in a previous post I’d like to write something about Hansen and V. So far I've only some crazy thoughts and things in a really colloquial form. This is the only part I’m comfortable showing. Oh, it's probably a bit… I don't know, there’s some psychological/physical torture? Nothing too extreme for now. Their relationship in my head is not romantic at all and it probably never will (but there's absolutely some tension). They are just two assholes who find it funny to mess with each other ❤️.

There are also probably some mistakes and some phrases and words I'll definitively need to change later. I haven't proofread it and I'm too tired to do it now!

And that's when he's behind her back, a tight grip on her throat and the knife resting on her jaw. Probably a quick use of Sandevistan, because it's a matter of seconds. "If it wasn't for you and your friend, Myers would be already dead. You saved her once, why the change of mind?" The answer is simple, even if the thumb resting not so softly on her carotid artery makes her feel every heartbeat in her head. And probably he's feeling that too. And that's without the knife which still hasn't cut her skin but it's just a matter of an infinitesimal amount of pressure. “Two people who helped her are dead despite her promises. Two people are alive and well even if they were actively fucking with you, just because you've promised to let them go. If I have to guess who I need to trust to survive I think I’ll bet on you.” She has rehearsed this part during the wait, so the fear won't paralyze her. “Not mentioning the whole Songbird’s shitshow.”

So, that's it for now!

I'll tag some of you, feel free to do it if you want to!

@theviridianbunny @cyberholic77 @8oo8erry @dustymagpie @aggravateddurian @cybervesna

#cyberpunk #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 fanfic #my v #v #Violet #jackie welles #misty #kurt hansen

[watery-melon-baller]

3, 7, and 40 for weekend and belos'

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

ooooh theres so many i would never touch. the first one that comes to mind is accidental pregnancy which like. i dont even write romance much. also hate student/teacher. uhh nonromance id go with. uh. i cannot think of anything rn lmao

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

ooooh id have to go with a snippet from a shera fic i did a while back. torn between two but ill go with the shorter one just because. not sure what counts as a snippet oops.

"Adora rolls her eyes, but stands up to join them. As she runs over, she knows that she’ll trip over her dress several times, and their clothes will all be covered in grass stains that will take forever to wash out. But Adora is here, in a future where there is no war to fight, where they can laugh freely and love and she doesn't feel selfish anymore for wanting a happy ending."

bad at explaining myself but like. its the potential of a happy ending, of not everything being perfect but it good, and thats worth living for. its a whole metaphor about feminity and wartime and accepting yourself. that its okay to be safe now, its okay to be soft and vulnerable and to start healing. apologies for being incoherent

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

ohohohohhohho you know whats funny. i actually did have an alternate ending planned where hunter just. slept through the rebelllion and just woke up after it was over and was like "what the fuck." anyways i sat down and wrote this in a night (ive been saving the ask until it was finished so thats why im answering it late sorry!) so enjoy 2k words of that under the cut. apologies for typos i tried my best to read this over lmao. you can also read this on ao3 now yipee

Hunter stared at his clock, and scowled. Shit. He had 20 minutes until the coven head meeting!

He stood up, quickly scrambling for his notes.  He wanted to try and get there early, so he could figure out somewhat of a plan.

Flapjack lifted their head up, disrupted from their slumber. What is boy doing?

His foot slipped on a piece of paper, and he barely managed to catch himself on the edge of his desk. “I have a meeting! I need to go talk to the other coven heads, and-”

Have time! Should rest!

He scowled. “Flapjack, I don’t have time to rest! I need to prepare my notes! I still haven’t figure out what I’m going to say to Terra, or Adrian, or how to deal with the recent riots-”

Nap time! Boy too tired to think!

“You always say it’s nap time.”

Because boy is always tired!

He sighed, flopping back on his bed and letting the stack of papers in his arms scatter onto the floor. Flapjack did have a bit of a point. He had been staying up later and later, getting less sleep in favor of trying to take care of… well, everything.

He could get ready in ten minutes. It wouldn’t take long to teleport. Just closing his eyes for a few minutes surely wouldn’t hurt. And he wouldn’t actually fall asleep. He would just lay here!

“Just ten minutes. Then I have to go.”

Flapjack chirped. Nap! Nap!

“Not a nap, Flap,” He mumbled. “M just resting my eyes.”

He didn’t even realize he was falling asleep.

___

He woke up to the smell of smoke.

He shot up out of bed, head swiveling as he took stock of the room. Everything seemed to be in order, except-

“FLAPJACK!”

The bird had at some point moved inside his shirt. They peeked their head out, looking adorable as always, but Hunter wasn’t fooled.

He glared at them. “I said ten minutes.”

Boy needed nap!

He pointed at the window. “IT’S DARK OUTSIDE NOW! IT’S NIGHTTIME!”

Not that late. Sun just set. More like evening!

He dragged a hand down his face and groaned. “Flapjack. I missed the coven head meeting. The one thing I cannot, under any circumstances, miss.”

Flapjack did not look even remotely apologetic.

Hunter sighed, standing up and brushing back his hair. The smell of smoke was still lingering in the air, and he poked his head out the window, following the smell.

Ah. That might be a problem.

The area of the castle where Terra and Adrian had been fighting the other day looked even worse than before, mainly because it was on fire. Several scouts were running around in a panic, and if he listened closely, he could hear the faint sound of screaming.

Flapjack had moved to sit on his desk, and he slowly turned to glare at them. “Flapjack.”

They chirped.

“This is why we don’t skip coven head meetings! Look at what happened while I was asleep. The castle is on fire!” He sighed. 

Could be worse!

He flung his arms out, staring the bird down in frustration. “How could this be worse?!”

The Titan must have thought that was funny, because at that moment his door was slammed open with a war cry.

“GOLDEN GUARD!”

Something (someone?) charged through his door, and he screeched, barely avoiding their tackle. Whoever it was slammed into his wall, sending feathers flying everywhere. Why there were feathers, he didn’t know. Maybe they were because of the large wings that were almost smacking him in the face. 

Flapjack screeched, dive bombing the intruder, and Hunter quickly scrambled back, grabbing a heavy textbook detailing the criminal justice system and hurling it at their face. They shouted in pain, falling back onto the floor, and Hunter decided that was his cue to go.

He skidded out into the hallway, his slippers barely staying on his feet, while Flapjack circled nervously around his head. Behind him, he could hear the sound of the mystery attacker getting up, and he risked a glimpse behind him as Flapjack transformed into a staff.

“Golden Guard, kid, wait a second-”

Their voice sounded somewhat familiar, but he was too busy grabbing his staff. The last thing he saw before teleporting away into a haze of golden light was what looked to be some kind of harpy woman, heading straight for him.

He bounced across the castle, not having much of a destination in mind besides something that was away from the harpy lady. He materialized in a small room with dim lighting, and as he leaned against the brick walls he realized he was in the break room.

There were technically several break rooms scattered around the castle, but those were all empty storage closets scouts had converted into a break room in their free time with their own money. (Hunter may or may not have contributed to them with money from the castle treasury). This, however, was the official break room, the one all the coven heads used, and the one that the Emperor made somewhat of an attempt to maintain.

He hadn’t been here in a couple weeks, with the whole “accidentally killed my Uncle and now running the government from my bedroom” issue. Not much had changed since the last time he was here. The table was still stained, one of the chairs still had a wobbly leg, the sink was still dripping water because no one knew how to fix the leak, there were still a few spare coven cloaks lying in a pile on the floor, and the fridge still had several post-its about labeling your food properly and not letting it sit in the fridge for months and stink up the room.

The bulletin board, however, had a few changes. The ‘days since Kikimora tried to assassinate someone’ board had been reduced back to zero (last time he saw it it was at 11, which was a new record), and there were several notes stating that due to being understaffed, everyone would be getting extra shifts. Which was weird, because Hunter thought he was in charge of scheduling guard shifts, but he had handed off so many of his duties to Kikimora and random coven captains that he wasn’t sure anymore. Also, why had no one told him they were understaffed?

Someone had also brought in cookies, and there were still a few left. Yay! He grabbed one from the box, biting into it. 

“Want a piece? Its chocolate cricket flavor.” He broke off a small chunk, offering it to the palisman, who began gleefully pecking it. He finished eating the rest of the cookie, wandering over to the sink.

He smacked the faucet, hoping that maybe this time it would stop the leaking, but it did nothing. Like it did every time. He sighed, and turned towards the clawfee machine, turning it on. Next to the sink was a small collection of drying dishes, one of which included a mug that said ‘world’s best nephew’ in hot pink script.

“Hey Flapjack, I found my favorite mug!” He picked it up, thankfully finding it clean. He had been searching for that mug for weeks! Although, it seemed a bit inaccurate, with the whole ‘killed my uncle’ and ‘being a grimwalker of his brother’ thing. Nope, that was a problem for another time.

He shrugged, watching as the clawfee pot came to a boil. Flapjack was hopping around the table, pecking the various crumbs that had been left behind. Hunter should probably be stopping them, but he figured if Flapjack had survived this long with such little self preservation, they would probably be fine.

Probably.

He poured the clawfee into his mug, and moved to sit down in a chair. The good chair, not the one with the wobbly leg that made you rock back and forth every time you moved the slightest inch. 

He sighed, leaned back in his chair, and stared vacantly at the wall. “So,” he said calmly. “I think there might be a rebellion going on right now.”

Flapjack chirped anxiously. Hunter stared at the bird. “You know, this is why we don’t skip coven head meetings.”

He sipped on his clawfee, savoring the bitter taste. Oh, sweet caffeine, how he missed it. Having energy was fantastic.

“I should probably go out there and deal with that.”

Or don’t! Don’t risk yourself!

“Flapjack, I don’t think that's an option.”

Run away to woods! Can hunt for worms!

“I can’t eat worms! You can hunt all you want, I’ll forage for berries.”

Good plan!

Hunter groaned. “Terrible plan.” It wasn't like he had any ideas. He had been slowly preparing a runaway bag, but he had hoped he would have a few more weeks before he had to use it. This was his punishment for procrastinating. 

He stood up, taking a long swig of the coffee. “Okay, my stuff is in my room. Let’s see if we can try to sneak back there, and if anyone is still alive.” He looked down at himself, grimacing at his lack of armor. He was still in his PJS! 

Hesitantly, he lifted one of the coven scout cloaks from the pile on the floor, checking it over. There didn’t appear to be any visible stains, so he shrugged, putting it on.

Flapjack chirped, and fluttered on top of his head. Hunter sighed, but said nothing, pulling up his hood to cover the bird. He opened the door and hesitantly peeked his head out. There didn’t seem to be anyone, so he stepped out into the hallway, letting the door shut behind him.

Picking a random direction, he began walking, the only sound being his bunny slippers slapping against the tile. He nervously clutched his cloak, suddenly beginning to regret every decision he had ever made that had led him to this situation.

He rounded a corner to see a hallway that looked very much destroyed. A section of the ceiling had collapsed, and plants and abomination goo was everywhere. Several coven scouts were lying unconscious on the floor.

Hunter bit his lip, and with a start realized he was still holding his mug. There was still a little bit of clawfee in it, so he could throw it at someone and run if he needed to. The perfect weapon. What a plan.

He froze at the sound of footsteps, frantically looking for a place to hide. He slid behind a pile of rubble, hoping that he would just be mistaken for an unconscious scout.

The sound of footsteps grew closer, and then stopped. “I could have sworn I heard something over here,” a familiar voice muttered. Oh shit.

Hunter involuntarily flinched, shifting the rubble he was hiding behind with his movement.

“Over there!” Oh, he recognized that voice too, although it was only marginally better than the first one. Maybe if he stayed very very still, they wouldn’t notice him?

He yelped as abomination goo wrapped around his legs, dragging him out into the open and pinning his arms to his side. He scowled at the awkward angle his arm was held at, the clawfee slowly dripping out of his mug and onto the floor.

Darius crossed his arms, lifting an eyebrow at Hunter. “Ah, Little prince. You’re looking… unwell.”

Hunter, very maturely, stuck out his tongue, something that only caused Darius’s scowl to deepen.

Behind Darius, Luz cheerfully waved at him. “Hi Hunter! You kind of caught us at a bad time.” She turned down the hallway, cupping a hand to her mouth. “HEY GUYS, WE FOUND HUNTER! OVER HERE!” 

Darius winced at her yelling, rubbing his ears. Hunter wished he could do the same, because wow Luz could shout loud.

The two of them turned back to face him and he grimaced. “Uh, hi?” He said awkwardly. Maybe they would be nice and just kill him right away. Luz could probably convince them not to hurt Flapjack.

Luz shoved her hands in her pockets, grinning casually. “Hunter, my man! I’ve been looking for you! Sorry about the whole, uh, overthrowing the government thing.”

‘It’s fine,” He said, even though it was very much not fine. “It was already falling apart anyways.”

Darius stepped towards him, frowning. “About that, actually. We have quite a few questions to ask you, Golden Guard.”

Luz’s grin became just a bit more shaky. “Not bad questions! Just, uh, questions. It’ll be great!” She did not sound convinced of her own words. “It’s fine.”

Hunter sighed. He should have just stayed in bed. This was all Flapjack’s fault. He was never trusting that adorable little bird again, no matter how cute they were.

#fanfic #ask game #toh #weekend at belos's #lilac post #writing #can't believe none of you bothered to mention the numerous typos I had to go back and edit :(

[greypetrel]

Beh, I'm bored. Che ne dici di [ SCAR ] for the prompt game? (Lmao now I'm mixing both languages, il cervello è davvero stanco XD)

LOL chiedimi se avevo capito fossi/parlassi italiano. Because I DIDN’T. Ma buonasera! xD And don’t worry for the mix, it’s perfectly fine, pidgins are the best. u_u

Sorry for being late, I didn’t forgot! Again, this took me a while to mull over and think about it… But after much much musing, I decided to delve back into DadWolf AU, interpret it metaphorically and well. It’s angst.

Angst with a bog unicorn. Enjoy, here’s a glass of iced tea.

Somewhere Only We Know. (🎶)

[ SCAR ]:          noticing a scar on the receiver’s skin, the sender tentatively stops them from covering it up, and rests a gentle, soft kiss over it.

When they got back from Minrathous, bringing down a friend who was in need of help, they all knew they would have needed time to cope and digest what happened. And after all it was only natural that they couldn’t have taken it well: they had to abruptly cut off their research, take what they could and jump on the first plane, leave everything they worked for in the last years behind and start from scratch. Felix didn’t know anyone in Ferelden beside the two siblings, had a dime to his name, name he couldn’t use without them all being discovered and followed by mages that weren’t as amiable and good natured as he was, and was also, incidentally, terminally ill.

Knowing their different ways to cope with emotions and grief, nothing was exactly a surprise.

It was no surprise noticing how Aisling retreated back in herself academically, refused to do anything substantial and veered her career towards something she liked, but was very inconsequential to a better good. She faced everything on stubbornly and took too much responsibilities, was in the Hospital as much as she could and worked in the weekends to pay for her own rent, refusing to just go back to the family house if not to visit. She looked fine, but some times she just showed up uncalled for, curled on the couch between Solas and Varric and let them both comfort her, saying nothing and, sometimes, crying. That done, she was good to start back, and never backed up. As per her usual.

Dorian, tho, was a whole other matter. He didn’t give in academically and looked for a field of research that was close to what they were doing North. On his own, and with a different team, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t convince Aisling to jump back in, and Felix soon was in no condition to work continuously. Dorian went on nonetheless. Personally, tho, it was clear he was just swiping every negative emotion under a carpet, refusing to even admit there was something wrong. He went to visit Felix once, when it was clear his time was at its limit, and just held onto Aisling, offering her a shoulder to cry on, during the funeral. A small function, just them, the family that helped and some friends there for the siblings. Dorian didn’t cry, he just glowered at the coffin as if it was blaming it for everything. As per his usual.

They all knew that if Aisling appeared weak, the one they should look up more for was Dorian. They all knew he would have broken down, sooner or later. He always did, accumulating stress and bursting. It wasn’t a matter of if, it was a matter of when.

The when, it turned out, was a week after the funeral, in the form of a horse-transport van that let out a terrible stench, and parked in front of Varric and Solas’ house one Sunday morning.

“What’s the matter? Did you steal the content of a dumpster?”

Varric asked, stepping on the front porch and looking at his daughter, jumping off of the driver’s seat. It was Dorian, tho, to answer him, in a cheerful tone that was way too enthusiastic to be sincere, as he gingerly turned around the front of the track.

“We’re doing an experiment! Just for fun, like the old times… We need the back garden I think, can we? Of course we can, it’s not like you two are really going to build the swimming pool today, are you.”

He laughed, crossing past his sister and starting to unlock the doors of the back, humming between himself. Weird. Very, very weird. The dwarf exchanged a look with Aisling, still propped against the driver’s door, a silent question passing between them. She just shook her head, a sorrowful bent of her mouth telling him everything the dwarf needed to know before she walked back and started to help her brother.

“Did the garbage truck broke again?” Asked Solas, walking out of the door too, a mug of cocoa in his hand.

“Sparkler’s at his limit.”

“It was about time… Still doesn’t explain the stench.”

“I know as much as you do.”

They stood there, looking at the situation unfurling, ready to help at need. From the back of the truck jumped out a Qunari, panting grossly and loudly complaining that it was the most disgusting thing he ever did. Dorian just swatted every complaint, lamenting that for such a big creature he was surprisingly delicate, and urging them all to just get to work and stop losing precious time, tying a scarf around his nose and mouth and going on chatting about how science demanded strong arms and how it wasn’t a job for the weak of hearts.

The job not for the weak of hearts, was, apparently, dragging down the truck what looked like to be, in fact, the corpse of a black horse, lying on his side, flies buzzing all around and legs rigid that Aisling hat to gently bend to maneuver the hoofs out of the door, huffing loudly, a scarf on her nose and mouth as well, but not saying anything at all.

The horse -a poor, big beast who somehow met his destiny with a dagger crossing his head- got transported with difficulty by the trio, via a plastic cover the corpse was resting over, to the side of the house and in the back garden. Dorian kept on chatting with a glee that was very much unlike anything that was going on, the Qunari -Bull, he got called - replying with sarcasm to everything, and Aisling just silently working, casting glances at Dorian from time to time.

Both Varric and Solas follow them, half curious about what exactly he planned to do with a dead horse, half worried because if there was a shade of weirdness that felt like a scream for help, that was it.

But whatever the experiment was, it was for the siblings alone: when the horse finally was in a position that Dorian deemed optimal, he and Aisling started to chat, in a weird mix of Common and Tevene for the most practical things, circling the animal and discussing. The Qunari, without anything to add to the conversation and looking worried as well, stepped away and approached the pair of spectators.

He introduced himself to the pair as the Iron Bull, the mechanic working on Aisling’s car and owner of the garage on the ground floor of Aisling’s flat building. He was very pleased to finally meet the parents. He accepted something to drink –“Is that hot cocoa?”- and was good company, warming up a quite sceptical Solas too for a hour, before he had to get back to work and excused himself.

He patted Dorian’s shoulder, barely noticed if not physically, and earned a dismissive goodbye by a too concentrated mage. Aisling, tho, jumped up and hugged him tight, with a thank you, before getting back to work.

Qunari gone, the experiment went on as if the two siblings were on their own, with none the wiser and absolutely no neighbour peeking through the windows with big eyes. They all got unused to the experiments, in the years.

Solas, worried, went to offer his help when Dorian started evoking spirits, but Dorian harshly shooed away with the assurance that everything was perfectly under control and he didn’t need to worry, this was way past his comfort zone with spirits. Aisling, today’s silent interpreter and service sister, shook her head when Dorian wasn’t looking, preventing the older elf to reply and start a discussion. Again, damage prevented, the parents got the message that there was nothing they could do save going on with their life and waiting for the situation to unfold.

There was no talking him out for a pause or to stop to have lunch all together. He was in the zone, and not intentioned of stopping any time soon, hands working quickly and brain even faster, tension evident in the way he slouched forward and in the way his shoulders were contracted up to his ears. He hadn’t even insisted to have some sort of blanket, sitting on the grass without minding his clothes or his allergies. Which he never did. Varric brought them some sandwiches and a jug full of iced tea nevertheless - Aisling ate, Dorian didn’t. The afternoon went on like that, a frenzy foreshadowing a big, harsh fall.

When the sun was setting, finally, a neigh rose up from the backyard, loud and clear.

Solas and Varric exchanged one look and rushed back in the kitchen and out of the back door right into the garden.

The horse stood on its hooves, stomping confused and shaking his head -the sword was still planted in it. There were runes and glyphs on its flanks, most Nevarran but with some Tevinter and a couple of Elvhen in it, painted in red chalk. Aisling was standing in front of the animal -zombie?-, cooing soothingly and trying to calm the poor beast down. She managed, caressing his nose and patting his neck until it finally stopped neighing and stomping his hooves and breathing too quickly, with the soft voice she always used for horses, and a tired smile on her face.

“Chuckles-”

“I know.”

“The horse was dead.”

“I know.”

As Varric was totally creeped out, there was pride in Solas’ voice, the usual pride that hadn’t been there ever since the children moved out and moved their crazy experiments in a laboratory, out of the house. It was disconcerning, but the horse looked, indeed, alive enough to, slowly, take trust and start nuzzling Aisling’s hand as a normal horse would. Well, there were some issues for him in opening his mouth, but the animal clearly did his best.

“What- Is that… Normal? Possible?”

“Very difficult. But yes. I didn’t know he studied Necromancy of all things…”

“Necr- Oh, shit. Did he-?”

“No. There’s a Spirit inhabiting the horse. Not the original soul. Still, the body can move.”

The Necromancer, tho, in spite of the success, was still sitting on the grass on his butt, legs folded in front of him and back slouched forward and down, not looking at the horse but at his hands in his lap, totally frozen on the spot. A minute later, Aisling reached him, leaving the horse to explore the new surroundings and its new life as she sat beside him.

Their hands were dirty and the foul stench of dead horse soaked their very clothes. Dorian, tho, had lost every willingness to complain.

“He’s fine, I think. What about Ugo? Ugo the Unicorn.” Aisling proposed, scooting close so they were side by side on the grass, shoulders and hips touching.

“Whatever, I don’t care. It’s yours if you want him, I… I just needed to know that-”

He snorted, shaking his head harshly as he grimaced, not concluding the sentence.

“I know, Dor.”

“I could have saved him.”

“You couldn’t have, Dor. That’s not the horse. There was nothing to do.”

“There’s always something to do… If I… If we-”

His voice broke, and her heart as well, all over again.

“We helped him as we could, Dor. We got him out, we were with him until the end. He knew, he never blamed you, he wouldn’t blame you now.”

“I’ve been a coward. I left him alone, and-”

That’s when Dorian started to cry, breath strangled as he unfolded and bends forward, curling on himself and sobbing loudly. Aisling was there to catch him - she had waited that moment ever since he had showed up to her flat, entering with his key and had explained the experiment to her, she was surprised it took so long. She hugged him tight, dragging his bust against hers and holding him as tight as she could. She started to cry too, for company.

“It’s ok. It’s ok. He knew. It’s ok. You did your best, and it was enough. He wasn’t alone.”

He unfurled and hugged his sister back, bawling in her shoulder, months of pressure and regrets and fear finally catching up with him, all together. There was no undoing what happened: the work they had done for the wrong people, in good faith, the escape, running back in the night like thieves, a luggage full of notes and papers prioritized over clothes and personal belongings. A PhD totally lost and to be gained again from scratch, and bringing Felix with them knowing they had no money and his days were counted. Starting from zero and separating in work for the first time. It all had left a scar, in both of them: they just had different ways to manifest it, different ways to cope, and different ways to help the other with it, of metaphorically healing the hurt with a kiss.

And for the first time in years since they left, dragged inside by Solas and Varric who were there too to catch him, coax him to have some dinner and take a shower and coze up all together on the couch, with a movie and blankets. For the first time in years they weren’t alone.

#dragon age #dadwolf au #science bros #bog unicorn #dragon age fic #da:i #writing petrel #aisling lavellan #dorian pavus #solas #varric tethras #fic #da fic #Too metaphoric? Well...

[leatherpenance]

for more than a decade i've been trying to make sense of my nonhuman identity and what to call myself; whether that be angelkin, a shard, incarnate of something, idk. time's been passing but i don't have answers still and there's not many resources to help me pick this apart. i'm using this post to write out some of what i've experienced this past decade and if anyone reads it and can relate, i would love to talk with you.

i would like to preface this with the fact i do have a psychotic disorder, but i've also experienced spirits & ghosts that i know were not a product of my brain because i've experienced the paranormal in the presence of other people. when i am having a psychotic break, my thinking also becomes fractured and i can't make sense of my reality, so i'd like to think i can tell the difference between a paranormal experience and psychosis when reflecting. part of me also suspects i have mental illness because of the influence the being i identify with has over me.

ten years ago, my older brother took me to a witch shop after hours to participate in a ritual to "greet the archangels". my older brother and i were both into the occult and paganism, and at the time i worshipped a moon goddess to whom i had an altar for in my loft. this was my first time at a public ritual.

during the ritual, the priestess would ask us to turn to face north, south, etc and we would ask one of the archangels associated with that direction to aid us in our lives. when we turned to greet Michael, we were supposed to ask him to give us strength.

i heard a voice laugh, it was from inside of me but not my own inner dialogue, and he sneered and said toward Michael, "i don't need your strength". i felt a "heat" like fury come toward me that i believed was Michael, and i panicked and said sorry. i was in a cold sweat the rest of the night and tried telling my brother about it later. he was upset at me when i told him, and it was difficult to try and tell him that it wasn't me who said those things to Michael.

i kept feeling like something was there with me after that, both inside and outside of me.

i started researching beings that might be adversaries of Michael. it's been a while now, and i only remember fragments, but i remember speaking to a woman who suggested the name Samael to me. and i believe it is Samael.

when i connect to this piece of myself, i feel unstoppable and manic. it's a feeling that quickly spreads over me and feels like electric shocks running along my bones. it's starts from the ground up, into my feet and up my legs, grows heavy in my stomach and spreads up into my throat, and it feels amazing.

i ended up going to college next to downtown Salem MA, and every weekend i frequented the witch shops there. i ended up befriending a woman who ran one small store, as i was friends with her niece from my hometown and we got along so well. she was a wonderful mentor.

one evening i was in her shop telling her about Samael, but i wasn't using his name. i tend to avoid using his name out loud because it draws him out, and it can be overwhelming. but a man came into the shop in the middle of this, who interrupted our conversation and started talking about himself to my friend. he was a rude, self-obsessed neckbeard type. he began talking about what he believed in and brought up Samael's name.

he told us that Samael loves him so much, and is always there to protect him and cares about him especially. the more he spoke, the more the shop began to heat up. it was like the place was filling up with wrath and i felt like i was going blind, insane, and was sweating uncontrollably. i was full of disgust for him and his ego.

he finally left and my friend turned to me, and confirmed she also felt the awful heat filling the shop, and that something felt terribly off about what just happened. i told her he had been talking about the same angel i had just been telling her about, but hadn't used his name.

in more recent memory, i was joking to my boyfriend that if i am indeed his shard, then i wonder how something like that would work. are shards chosen, or happen by mistake? i told him i didn't feel like any sort of worthy vessel and that it would suck to be stuck with my fucked up ass. this didn't sit well with him, whether it was demeaning myself or demeaning him through doing so, and i felt like i had been slapped in the face. i told my boyfriend i couldn't speak on him anymore that day.

i also feel like all my life i've struggled with two halves of myself. one that was me, and the other a greater, darker, meaner force that made me feel drunk and massive, and was capable of terrifying things. i wouldn't say now it's bad, or inherently evil, and i think i had a lot of things to learn from that part of myself. over time i feel like i've become more whole and less separated. i have felt like i've had to fight against another 'nature'.

there's other little things, such as the archetype of being an "adversary" or "accuser". if i had to describe my relation to so many others, it would be that. i don't know what it is about me that's so polarizing to others, but i draw in certain kinds of people who seem to go off the walls around me, and they bring out the worst in me. it's driven me crazy on countless occasions.

i think it's also relevant that these people tend to be scorpio suns. i don't put much thought into astrology, but it's bizarre that every adversary is a scorpio. my sun sign is Aries, as Samael rules Mars but also has some influence in Scorpio. i bring out the worst in them, and they bring out the worst in me and i confront a frightening amount of shit through it. this hasn't just happened just a couple of times either, it's been at least seven instances. this has dragged me into the lives of rapists, abusers, fucking cult leaders even.

i've hesitated many times to call myself an angel, because that's not exactly it, and i feel bizarre saying that about myself. i don't quite get the difference between a shard and being incarnate either. he's both inside and outside me. i think that would be shard?

i have a lot of thoughts about what Samael means in the universe, who he is, and i've been reading Kabbalistic texts to try and piece together more of my understanding about, everything. but i'll save some of that for another time.

if you read all of this, thanks. if you have any advice, or can relate, or are struggling with knowing your place among angels, i would love to talk with you.

#angelkin #demonkin #alterhuman #divinekin #otherkin #othershards #shards #samael #archangels #angels #otherhearted #spirits #paranormal #witchcraft #psycho thots

[smileylover99]

Tagged by @weprovideleverage

thank you for the tag :)

rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag blogs you would like to get to know better.

a - age: 23

b - birthplace: The North of the Netherlands

c - current time: 21:03

d - drink you last had: water as well, most times it is

e - easiest person/people to talk to: my sister

f - favorite song: god idk it's always changing imma go with the free life by Turbowolf

g - grossest memory: i've mostly blocked it out but there was this one campsite in France and when we arrived the sanitary building closest to us were nice and clean, but then for like the week we stayed there they never cleaned it 🙃

h - horror yes or horror no: no mostly, but occationally (I have also listened to tma)

i - in love?: not so far, and probably not ever

j - jealous of people?: rarely

l - love at first sight or should I walk by again?: save yourself the effort, I would like to be friends at first sight tho

m - middle name: no thank you

n - number of siblings: said sister from question e

o - one wish: long term probably like happiness, short tem a bigger appartment

p - person you called last: I had like a communication training and a week later we had to physically call an actor to do like a final practice convo before the real deal

q - question you are always asked: people don't really ask me questions?? the best i can think of is like what do you do? are you still studying? from like relatives and my parents neighbours

r - reason to smile: it's the weekend

s - song you sang last: Durch den Monsun by Tokio Hotel dkjlajdkl

t - time you woke up: at 8:00

u - underwear colour: black and white dots

v - vacation destination: I have a couple of places. I really want to see the northern light so like iceland or northern Norway for that one. I also wanna go back to Hong Kong because my last trip got cut quite abruptly. Also I want to see Tokyo.

w - worst habit: probably like scaring myself out of things ill enjoy

x - x-rays: oh shit it's good you mentioned the teeth thing cause ive gotten many a pictures of my teeth done, never broken a bone tho

y - your favorite food: I love spätzle, which i should make more often

z - zodiac sign: Leo, which is like the super social butterfly, i consider my self more a social moth, very energetic at random times and sit completely still for the rest

People who I want to get to know better: @itwoodbeprefect @ghost-faeries @pomato-queendom @localsealboy @pablothefrog (Only if you want to, of course.)

#actually trying to improve on my bad habit by interacting with people online lol #tagged in

[khaire-traveler]

Can gods be disappointed in you? Not in a sense of doing something bad bad but like failing to be strong for yourself? Because I feel like I've let my god down this whole weekend by being super stressed and anxious about something that wound up not even happening. My friend playfully put it into my head that this thing came about right when I decided that I wanted to venerate this particular deity and while I don't personally want to accept that this happened, I grew up in a cult that I am still working my way through my RTS and the mindset to immediately blame myself is very strong. But can gods be disappointed in us for failing? I tried, I really really really tried to reduce my anxiety and tried distraction, pep-talk, and logical deduction but none of it worked and I was too afraid to pray out of fear that it might make everything worse. I was also told not too recently that because I have religious trauma that I shouldn't even be worshipping deities until I am fully healed but I feel like that can't be right.

Hey, friend, thank you for trusting me with this ask. 🫂 I hope you don't mind me answering this publicly; I feel that others can learn something valuable and important from your situation in a positive way.

So, let's address the question itself first, then I will address the rest of your ask, ok? The answer to the question is unrelated to your specific situation; I will explain why later.

Can gods be disappointed in you over little things?

The short answer is yes. Like us, gods feel a wide variety of emotions - anger, joy, sorrow, etc. They can be disappointed; I've had it happen before myself, actually. But disappointment is not as bad as people make it out to be. Sure, they can get disappointed, but they still love and care about you. They still want to watch you thrive and excel. Plus, just because they may be disappointed doesn't necessarily mean you always did something wrong; it just means you chose to do something they disagreed with. They're not going to punish or harm you for making your own decisions; that's the whole point of having free will. So, can the gods get disappointed in you over little things? Yes, absolutely, but it's nothing to worry too strongly about. Everyone has disagreements at some point. What's important is overcoming those disagreements.

Here's why I don't think your gods are disappointed in you

Gods will NEVER be shitty about mental illnesses. They will NOT be angry with you for struggling with a mental illness, nor will they blame you for it. Unlike some humans, the gods understand that mental illness isn't something we can control, and even when we try our best to cope, sometimes the illnesses can overwhelm us. They would never be angry at you, or anyone else, for that. You were struggling a lot with your anxiety, and I bet, more than anything, your gods probably wanted to be able to help and comfort you. They care for you and your well-being. Even in our worst moments, we can turn to our gods. Remember that, ok? They are here to help humanity in its struggles - both as a whole and individually - and they're not going to be upset with you for being anxious. 🫂

Now addressing that comment at the end

You can worship gods while still healing from religious trauma. Whoever told you that you can't doesn't know what they're talking about, simply put. How do I know? I have religious trauma, and I worship a lot of deities. I also know many pagans and polytheists with religious trauma who currently worship deities and are still healing. Does religious trauma make it hard to worship deities sometimes? I think so, yes, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to worship them or something. People struggle with things sometimes and that's ok - that's natural. Sometimes working through that struggle can actually be a big part of healing from the past. You are more than welcome to worship your deities, ok? Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You belong within this community as much as the next person, and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you worshipping your deities while healing from religious trauma. So, please, feel free to pray your heart out to your deities. Talk to them as much as you want, make as many offerings as you'd like, spend as much time with them as you can - worship your gods, and do so freely with the knowledge that you can. No one can take away your right to worship.

-

I hope this helped to reassure you and ease some of your anxieties. Thank you for trusting me enough to answer this ask. I hope you take good care of yourself, and have a wonderful night/day. 🫂🧡

#asks #answered asks #paganblr

[noctisfishing]

Everything You Want

Summary: Jou finally had enough of playing the part of the best friend. In a moment lacking judgment, he was ready to throw his friendship away. But Mimi knew him better - much better - and she did what she could to stop him, even if it revealed their true feelings for each other in the end.

'Ship: Jou Kido x Mimi Tachikawa (angst, fluff, romance)

Notes: A few Discord conversations/Tumblr posts inspired me to write a Jou-centric fic so I did. I also heard the song with the same name as this title and was feeling angsty and cheesy.

Thank you for reading. Hope you're having a lovely weekend. <3

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jou Kido entered his apartment one stormy night, having just returned from cram school. He had forgotten his umbrella again, but wearing his poncho helped keep his school bag and uniform dry. His eyesight took the worst of the pouring rain with it showering against his glasses, though Jou grabbed a fresh towel to wipe them, along with the rest of his face when he removed his poncho and blazer.

He sat on his couch next to his books and his bag, and looked at his phone to take a peek at his messages. He was prepared to stay quiet from ongoing conversations and to turn down any invitation with studying as his excuse. That was always his excuse, because he always felt the need to do it. He wanted to get into the best universities for medicine, after all.

But when he used the excuse for that night, he knew for a fact that he would leave his books closed and his pencils away from his hand. There was more on his mind than common illnesses and the organs affected by them. And, there was one person Jou expected to use his trademark excuse for tonight - the one person he wanted to avoid even if her messages were the ones that kept his phone screen lighting up every few minutes.

Mimi Tachikawa. Her name lit up Jou's phone with one more message count from the last. He knew what she wanted to talk to him about. It was about something that bottled up within him for a long time until he finally told her that he couldn't stand to be around her anymore. Jou fought back the worries in his head that what he did was wrong. That he single-handedly ruined their friendship and the friendships with everyone else would meet the same fate in a domino effect.

But he knew deep down that he had to do what for himself. Because their friendship was already ruined from the moment he realized it. Because Jou Kido was in love with Mimi Tachikawa, and she didn't seem to care.

And after reading her messages about wanting to talk, he replied with what he always did, and planned to drop his phone beside his bag and leave it all there to wait when he returned to gather them the next morning.

Except that, right when he plopped the phone onto the couch cushion a few seconds later, that same name popped up on the screen again, this time as an incoming phone call.

Jou turned from the couch and away from his phone, fully intending to ignore the ringing, regardless of how many times she dialed him. But then, he heard a knock at his door. He wondered who it could have been at this time of the night, especially with the rain pelting against his windows. Was it a person soliciting products and services he didn't need? Why bother answering the door?

But what if it was an elderly neighbor who was having trouble with her leaky faucet? Jou felt pity for that woman who had lived all by herself next door to him, so he guilted himself enough to help her.

And if it was a damsel in distress? Just like one of those romantic tropes where a young, beautiful woman showed up at the lonely leading man's door with nowhere to go. He would let her in, and it would prompt an unlikely, but absolutely predictable, love story.

After taking a deep breath, Jou quieted his 'what-if's' and finally opened the door. Who he found standing there was, in fact, a damsel in distress, yet the damsel was Mimi, and she appeared to be in distress as she held up her phone that was awaiting the answer that he had been trying so hard to avoid giving her.

"What in the world, Mimi?!" Jou cried, taking note of the ringlets of her rained-on hair, her blazer that had taken much of the rain but he could see her blouse crumpled underneath. "What was so important to possess you to go out in the rain to see me?"

"Are you seriously asking me this question right now?" she asked, heatedly. "You left me in the dark all of a sudden and I just want to know why!"

"Jou-kun," came from an older woman's voice from the hallway. The front door of another apartment creaked open. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything is just fine, Miss Rina!" Jou replied, chuckling nervously. Immediately he placed his hand on Mimi's shoulder and hurriedly ushered her into his apartment. In his normally quiet apartment complex, Jou wanted to make sure that his inevitable conversation of raised voices was going to be behind his closed door.

He also grabbed his coat from the hanger and handed it to Mimi to put on.

"Hmph," Mimi said before taking off her blazer to replace it with his coat. She set her bag and umbrella by the door before taking off her boots.

"I'll get you an extra shirt to change into, and a towel just in case," Jou mumbled. "You can use my bathroom."

As much as he wanted to avoid Mimi, he couldn't stop himself from his own decency. Nor could he let go of his feelings so easily. Perhaps standing in his room for a few moments would give Mimi the chance to calm herself. Then again, keeping her waiting for too long wouldn't help him much, either. Jou decided that one minute and eighteen seconds was the perfect amount of time to give her before stepping out of his room with the towel.

Mimi let out a deep sigh as she took the towel and shirt from Jou's hand. "Thanks," she said quietly, then headed to the bathroom without another word.

What was he going to say to her when she came back out again? There was no other way he could see their conversation going except for her becoming angry at him, which, Jou thought, was understandable.

But when the bathroom door opened, he saw her dressed in his clean shirt which was a size larger for her, and his coat still around her shoulders. He noticed that she used the towel to absorb the excess water from her hair, but her eyes darted to him only for a few seconds before looking away as she made her way to his couch.

She sat down next to his book bag. Her eyes were no longer fiery, but Jou still took a cautious step back.

"This isn't like you at all, Jou," she said. "Most of the time when we see each other, you have a few books open. Sometimes they're sprawled on the table, or on the couch. You usually have one in your hands, and sometimes your face is so close to the pages, you might as well give it a kiss…"

Jou stayed quiet, feeling his cheeks warm at her last comment.

Then, Mimi ran her hand on top of his book bag. "Here they all are, closed and stacked inside of this bag. You said you had studying to do, but it's obvious that you weren't planning on doing that tonight. I guess you had something more important to do. Like avoid me."

"Mimi…"

"I don't believe you, by the way," she continued. "If you really couldn't stand to be around me, then you would have slammed the door in my face right after you'd opened it."

"I wouldn't do that."

"I know you wouldn't. Not to anyone, even if it was someone you hated the most. You're one of the nicest, most sweetest guys I know."

Jou felt his heart sink.

"You're one of my dearest friends, Jou. So why are you pushing me away?"

Clenching his fist, Jou knew that he had to take this chance to tell her.

"Because that's all I am to you. A dear friend. The nice, sweet guy that you like to confide in about your relationships, or to vent about how some guy didn't notice your new earrings or that you styled your hair differently on a special day."

"You remember those silly little moments?" Mimi asked in surprise.

"I always remember," he replied with certainty. "I could never forget when it comes to you."

"Jou…" Mimi smiled, appearing touched. But Jou could tell she was still confused. "Jou… you know you can tell me. I've confided in you and you've given me great advice. You've always been there for me, even through my hardest times. And even if I didn't want to hear it, you're always honest with me."

Would she want to hear his honest feelings for her at the moment? To hear what his mind had been screaming at him to tell her?

Here goes nothing, he thought.

"I said that I couldn't stand to be around you, because I was tired, Mimi. I kept hearing the same story, about how you met a nice guy and started hanging out with him. And before I knew it, you started to rant about something that annoyed you, and then outright upset you."

Mimi's eyebrows crinkled as she stared at him. "Okay, so, you don't like my complaints?"

"Well, no - I mean, yeah," Jou stammered, then, he stopped and tried to collect his thoughts before Mimi opened her mouth to react. "Look, for as long as I've known you, I've noticed a pattern. I know that you want to find that special someone, but in that pattern after the guy upsets you, I could tell it hurts you. A lot. So, it hurts me."

Mimi's shoulders slumped a little, and she looked away from him. Jou thought back to the moments when she looked away with tears streaming down her cheeks. Those moments that his heart broke knowing that hers had fresh cracks after being mended over and over.

"You always did tell me that I was being foolish," she said softly. "After the end of a bad relationship, he was the fool for his mistakes. That I'm not perfect myself, but I was still foolish for loving him. You were right." She looked into his eyes, her light brown eyes glassy with oncoming tears. "You must have been tired of repeating yourself."

Jou took a breath and wondered if his feelings would cross her mind. She had yet to make the connection.

Then, she stood up and looked up at him.

"The other day, I told you I was going on a date and I started complaining. That was when you snapped. This guy was the last straw for you, wasn't he?"

"Yeah, he was," Jou replied. Then, he stepped back and he turned away. He remembered how she smiled as brightly as the sun, and how painful it was to know that that smile wasn't for him.

There came a silence between them, with only the sound of the rain on Jou's ears. With his back facing Mimi, Jou couldn't sense what she was thinking or feeling. The more he wondered, the more he became anxious.

"I didn't end up going on that date with him, you know," she said, breaking the silence. "I didn't want to, especially when I was on the outs with someone who was important to me."

"Like a 'dear friend' would be, right?"

"Why are you saying that like it's an insult?!" Mimi asked suddenly, her voice growing shrill. "Do you care about me? Or do you really want me to leave you alone?" She paused, then let out a whimper. "Or, am I just being foolish again…?"

And now Jou felt like a fool.

"No, Mimi, I'm an idiot." Jou turned around to face her again. "I'm sorry. I care about you. I hate seeing you hurt but now I realize that I am doing just that. I didn't mean to make you cancel your date."

Mimi sniffled. "I didn't think we were a good match, either way."

"Really?" Jou perked up at that.

She shook her head.

"I'll spare you the details. I definitely dodged a bullet."

Jou noticed her sad smile. Already, she had noticeably refrained from complaining about that canceled date, even after she seemed to be agitated by Jou's actions toward her. Perhaps this wasn't the right time to tell her, anyway.

Or maybe, it was the absolute perfect time to tell her.

"Do you remember what I always tell you, Mimi?" he asked. "Whenever you're feeling down in these situations?"

"Mm-hmm. You always told me any good man could see how wonderful I am."

"That's right. You're kind, funny, and sincere. You always see the best in people, and you know how to brighten someone's day when they've had the worst time. Even if you can drive someone insane, when you love someone, you love to the fullest. But none of them saw that. They only broke your heart instead. But, Mimi, I see it. I've always seen it. How wonderful you are."

Jou's voice trembled through last sentence, and he could barely croak the next words, but he knew they were worth uttering in front of her:

"Any man would be lucky to have you. So, why can't I?"

That was when Mimi gaped at him. Jou stared back, waiting for a more telling expression,on whether it was a good sign from her or not, but all he saw was surprise. He forced back his anxiety, his heart beating loudly in his chest, and told himself to wait.

"It all makes sense now," Mimi said in a daze. "You've been acting cold when it comes to other guys because you're…"

"I'm in love with you, Mimi," Jou finished in one helpless breath.

"I wish you would have told me straight."

Jou sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I know I'll tell you a lot of things straight, but I've never been in love before being in love with you."

He blinked, realizing that the words had just spilled out of his mouth so fluidly. He wondered how red his cheeks were at that moment.

"Do you wanna know why I really canceled that date, Jou?" Mimi asked, taking a step closer.

"Why?"

"Sora helped me realize it," she replied with a shrug. "'Why do you care so much about what Jou thinks? Why are you saying that you wish this or that guy was more like Jou?'" She took another step toward him, lifting her head up for her eyes to meet his. "I hated what I felt when you pushed me away. Somehow, the thought of losing you was more painful than some stupid guy breaking my heart."

"And, you don't hate me for it?" Jou asked. "For pushing you away?"

"I'm still mad about it. But that doesn't change the fact that you are everything I want."

"...I am?"

Mimi drew closer still. Was this really happening? Jou was reading her signals that pointed toward one answer, yet he searched her eyes in his effort to make sure that this was real.

"You are." Her lips formed a smile just as their noses were about to touch, and her voice lowered to a whisper. "I'm in love with you, too, Jou Kido."

There was no time for Jou to form words on his parted lips as her lips pressed against them. He watched her eyes close in front of him as she pushed further into the kiss. His mind blanked out from his next thoughts, his surroundings faded away, and all he knew was the two of them standing together.

Mimi pulled away and opened her eyes to look into his. Now she was the one who appeared to be searching, waiting for him to respond or react. And there he was, blinking eyes behind his glasses, at a loss of what to say after his first kiss.

So, he raised his hands to cup either side of her cheeks, his fingers brushing past her locks of hair, and he leaned in for his second.

When he pulled away, he met her eyes again, though he wasn't sure how to read her thoughtful expression.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I was just curious about how you would kiss me back."

"Oh. Well, you probably could tell that I hadn't kissed anyone before…"

"It wasn't bad, Jou."

"So, it was… good?"

"It was… honest."

Jou stared. "Am I supposed to take that in a positive way?"

"Well, I've never been kissed that way before, and I liked it."

"So, it was good?"

"It was honest." Mimi smiled. "But, maybe you could study more about it, since that's what you're really good at."

"Oh, honestly…"

Mimi giggled mischievously, then she moved closer to lean her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his back to embrace him.

Jou held her in his arms and saw that she had her eyes closed, smiling softly. He began to let it sink in that he had finally confessed his feelings, that he'd had his first kiss, and now he was embracing the girl of his dreams.

Suddenly, he realized that he hadn't given her the full hospitality he would give to any guest in his apartment, despite the fact that she had already been wearing his shirt and coat.

"Um, Mimi?" he said softly.

"Hmm?"

"Did you want anything to drink? Water? Tea? Maybe a blanket? Something to keep you warm?"

"Mm-mm. I told you, Jou. I have everything I want."

Jou realized the odd sensation of his heart fluttering in his chest, and he held her closer as he closed his eyes, taking in the warmth surrounding them.

#joumi #jyoumi #kido jou #tachikawa mimi #digimon fanfiction #noctiswriting #joumi fanfiction

[harrison-abbott]

Milkshake

I remember I invited this girl out to a milkshake bar when I was fifteen.

She was at my school and I’d noticed her in the playground. And I’d seen her looking back at me as well. She also waited at the same bus stop as me to go home, and that gave me a chance to get speaking to her. And I eventually plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date.

That was to be Saturday at noon.

I got all dressed up and put some aftershave on. My Dad noticed I was getting spruced, and he made fun of me, cos he sussed I was headed out to meet a girl.

But when I got to the milkshake bar I was feeling confident. It really was one of those glorious sunny days that seem to fill you with hope. I arrived there at 11:45. And when it got to 12:00 I expected her to bounce through the front door. Maybe she would be wearing a dress? I envisioned something particular.

By 12:23 she still hadn’t got here yet.

At 12:45 I texted her. Then at 13:05, I went home. And was fairly miserable for the rest of that weekend.

On Monday, back at school, I expected to see her around. She was in my Geography class. Or, was supposed to be, rather. But on Monday during geography she wasn’t in her chair. There was an empty seat where she usually sat.

She was also in my Home Ec. class. That was on the Wednesday. Part of what had got me thrilled about her in the first place was being able to watch her slice food the other side of the room.

No appearance of her whatsoever on Wednesday. And, nothing the following week or the week afterwards. I texted her a while later, saying, “Hey. I haven’t noticed you around in school lately. You all right? Hope you’re not ill or anything?” … No reply.

I knew some of her friends, by face. I.e., was aware who her friends were. So in those following weeks I made a few attempts to ask them if they knew where she was. They seemed creeped out by me. And stared in the wide eyed, suspicious way that teenage girls often do. I got no credible answers.

Nor did I ever get any firm answer. I heard other kids talking about her too – as to where she had gone. Gossip. There was one story that her mother had gone crazy and that she had had to go stay with her Aunt in another city. Her mother was carted off to a mental home, and the authorities moved her somewhere else.

There was another rumour that her big brother was a ‘druggie’ and he’d tried to kill her. This one was probably a lie.

Either way. I took the milkshake incident as brutal rejection at the time. That weekend. But, afterwards, I really have no clue what happened. I hope she’s okay, wherever she is now.  

#writeblr #creative writing #writers on tumblr #prose #stories #tumblr writers #short fiction #fiction #short story #flash fiction #spilled ink

[0x15defec7]

tw: alcohol abuse, substance abuse, suicide, mental illness

I've decided to start blogging as a form of self-care.

It's been 45 days starting today since #event_seattle took place. I'm still not sure what exactly that event was. I don't know what the trigger was; I just know that #identity_beta seemed to have come back after being gone for so long. #identity_beta had come to the conclusion: "I am an alcoholic, and I need to come clean about the things I've done." I'm glad they did it.

I think a couple of us have been in denial of our condition a lot longer than we'd care to admit. Then there is one of us who seems to have figured it out a while ago, but intentionally tried to prevent the rest of us from figuring it out so he could maintain his independency. I thank #identity_beta for speaking for all of us. Even though he was wrong about the underlying problem; it was the first step in figuring out what was going on.

After #event_seattle, I lost contact with the people I trust - my support network. My family is all who was left, and unfortunately, each member of my immediate family is triggering in their own way. They made mistakes in the days after the event, but they did help. In a conversation with a family member, I had one of the most important realizations: I was not there, I wasn't receiving anything, I was dissociating.

I think we knew the definition of dissociation, but not precisely the different ways it could present itself, or really what it could feel like. We would later realize it's been so hard to determine that we were severely dissociating because it's something we have been doing constantly from such an early age. The reason we were able to determine it now is because 3 months before #event_seattle, we finally had been able to live independently and feel "safe" to know the difference.

A week after #event_seattle: I started writing "facts" about my life in an effort to understand how I got here, and also understand why I did the things that I did. For future reference this will be referred to as #document_betareflection. These were less factual and more #identity_beta's interpretation of events and feelings towards what each one of us have experienced. It was also at this time that the idea of having PTSD started floating around, but we couldn't pinpoint exactly where it was coming from because #identity_beta had been holding all these memories.

15 days after #event_seattle, 15 days since I stopped abusing alcohol and THC: I had just finished hanging out with a family member when I realized my dissociative symptoms were getting "worse" (more noticable by me) day by day. I broke down on the ride home because I genuinely couldn't figure out what was happening - I believed I was experiencing psychotic symptoms. That weekend was the time I began looking for answers outside of alcoholism.

My search for answers took me to schizophrenia first. I was led there because my mom would [recklessly] imply over the years that I had schizophrenic symptoms and that I was always at risk because of my THC usage. There were the "delusions" I thought I was having, which was actually me mistaking the different perceptions each one of us had towards the situation (also fueled by the paranoia we were all having). There was my "eccentricity," which genuinely is just who we are. The final nail in the coffin was mistaking my depression for the negative symptoms of schizophrenia.

I self-diagnosed myself with schizophrenia because of all these "findings" I made that weekend. it put me in a bad headspace, thinking of the relapse of symptoms, symptoms potentially getting worse, and having to deal with finding the medication that would be right for me. i wanted to get "healthy" NOW. I wanted to start treatment as soon as possible.

My therapy session was that monday. I had brought up my conclusion with my therapist so I could get their thoughts and start exploring options. They began by trying to understand why I came to this conclusion and began to offer counterpoints. Unfortunately, I was not there to actually digest the counterpoints, and ultimately, all I was looking to get out of the session was psychiatrist recommendations. My therapist conceded, gave me a word of warning about dealing with psychiatrists, and also made sure I knew that I didn't have to take any medications prescribed or take the psychiatrists opinion as the source of truth.

Later that week, I began to feel more grounded. The schizophrenia self-diagnosis seemed less and less likely, maybe because I started to realize I was not really having a loss of reality, nor did I have any hallucinations, nor was the paranoia persistently there. I started to do more research, this time focusing more on dissociation. One thing that stood out to me during one of my AA meetings was that I was treating my "ego" as a person, or closer to the answer, I was treating "ego" as someone else.

It was that saturday I was allowed to document things that happened in life for all of us. It was a difficult exercise, but what helped was that I was using Obsidian and the Timelines plugin. I created "milestone events" (such as the beginning of school years, major news events, moving to a new house, beginning of new jobs, beginning of new college years), and used these milestone events as points of reference to document memories or things I knew that happened to me.

The memories I documented could be ones that were of no consequence, while others were truly difficult to bring myself back to, while others were completely inaccessible to us for safety reasons. Some memories that seemed innocuous I've found to be precursors to more unsafe memories. Memory by memory provided clue after clue. Eventually, I got to the memories of my junior year of high school, where I realized there was a very obvious schism of who I was and what I did.

This schism was between #identity_alpha and #identity_omicron. #identity_omicron was originally an online pseudonym #identity_alpha used to find online community and escape the environment at home, beginning in the 6th grade. I believe that after a certain event occurred in the 7th and 8th grade, #identity_omicron became more of their own person and grew alongside #identity_alpha. They were a lot closer in high school, albeit living in separate communities.

It got to late junior year and senior year of high school when #identity_alpha was comfortable spending more time being present. Eventually #identity_omicron stopped growing because of this, and during a certain event that occurred freshman year of college: was forced away by #identity_alpha due to shame. #identity_omicron never went away - he only started to act independently of us and did what he wanted anytime he got the chance.

I could not document any more memories past junior year. We had found the strongest clue so far. Through our research we had come to learn about jungian concepts as they relate to sense of self, identity, childhood trauma, childhood abuse, childhood neglect, substance abuse, compulsive behaviors, and finally: dissociation. Although there is valid criticism of Jung, ultimately what I've gotten out of those concepts was understanding how these topics could relate to a fragmented sense of self and identity.

I had come across dissociative disorders while researching, specifically Dissociative Identity Disorder. I think by the beginning of that Sunday I was still disqualifying myself from it because I was not piecing these clues together, and because of its previous designation being multiple personality disorder: may have put me further into denial. That Sunday night I started to piece clues together until it seemed like the only answer I could point to was DID.

That following Monday: I had brought up my findings with my therapist. I had brought up that I moved away from believing it was schizophrenia, and having done these exercises the past weekend: have a lot more clues pointing to DID. What caught me off-guard was that apparently my therapist brought up DID as an alternate possible diagnosis instead of schizophrenia during our last session. I have no recollection of them saying that. I blocked it out, and I've come to realize I may have been blocking it out due to my denial, to protect the others in my system, or that the others were protecting themselves. We spent the rest of the session talking about #identity_omicron and #identity_lambda.

That monday was the 24th day since #event_seattle.

That wednesday was the psychiatrist appointment I had scheduled when I was still thinking I may have a schizophrenia diagnosis. This was my first ever interaction with psychiatry; it was horrible. The psychiatrist had their phone ring twice during our session, answering it once to have a minute conversation. There were multiple times they would cut me off to validate their own assumptions. It seemed like they were ignoring a lot of what I was saying and only focusing on recent events.

At the end of the session: they told me I either had bipolar disorder with mania and psychotic episodes, schizoaffective disorder, or schizophrenia. There were no tests, and they moved to immediately prescribe me medications. They called my my childhood memories of trauma and abuse delusions. [#identity_alpha] don't get me wrong; it could be possible for these diagnosis' to be true, but it seems absolutely fucking reckless to throw them out like this and immediately pressure your patient to start medications.

i really felt hopeless afterwards. i had to experience a bad psychiatrist appointment at some point in my life, but i just didn't expect it to be so horrible. i spiraled that day. i felt #identity_beta's tears - their desire to be comforted. i wrote a _ note that day. i've told myself before i can't die knowing i can still be better and do good, but at this point, it felt like it didn't matter.

i felt had no one to discuss these feelings with. the people i trust are protecting themselves. the person i've trusted some of my childhood memories to is protecting themself. i felt my family couldn't or wouldn't understand. if my AA sponsor hadn't reached out, my path to understanding what is going on may have ended much earlier.

my sponsor brought me back to ground. i can't remember exactly what he said, but i just know #identity_beta felt comforted. i was back. even though this was a horrible experience, i found that i gained an additional clue.

what i felt now was anger. however, what i had previously considered my "anger" identity (#identity_lambda) wasn't really anger. i was angry, but those were my feelings were my own. the difference is that #identity_lambda is who i rely on to be my voice and my actions when i feel that i have been wronged, betrayed, or when i am not being heard. #identity_lambda's idea was to report this psychiatrist and go for his career, but i decided that the outcome was not worth the effort of reliving the experience. it was helpful to find this clue of differentiation.

[#identity_pi] The following monday session, our therapist validated our feelings towards the psychiatry session. It was helpful to talk through what we've learned as well. We then walked through the dissociative experiences assessment. Going through the questions, I gradually realized that I have become so used to a lot of these experiences in my life that I've never acknowledged them as a problem.

The next session: my therapist disclosed that the results of my assessment does place me in range for DID. I have been documenting and mapping what I can understand so far about us. I've also been trying to get us to a point where we can better communicate, to which there is improvement for some of us, but others like #identity_omicron and #identity_beta I have been shunning for a long time. I apologize for what I have done to them, and I can only hope they will forgive me so we can all start working together to repair us.

it is now 46 days since #event_seattle. i have learned and pieced together a lot in desperation and motivation to understand what the hell is going on. it's getting easier. what matters is that i may not have the answers today or tomorrow, but i am at least not giving up. i know who i have been, and now i am getting to know who has been with me. i owe to us to make sure we become cohesive so we can continue to do good - this time together.

with the help of #identity_pi we created this post to document the journey so far, and maybe someone benefits from this. i plan to share some of the tools and resources that have been helpful to us, and maybe that will help someone too.

- #identity_alpha and #identity_pi (on behalf of #identity_alpha)

#did #did system #identity_alpha #identity_pi #mental health

[percontaion-points]

Edible Delectables chapters 1 & 2

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 1

It was December and the city was in full holiday swing. Kara’s best friend, Evalyn McCartney, had driven out to the Wassailfest in New Braunfels, with her husband Eric and his family. They had extended the invitation to Kara as well, and while Kara adored the McCartney’s, she had given the excuse that she wasn’t feeling all that well in order to get out of going. Instead, she’d said she would just go visit with Ryan, her other close friend, and honorary brother. In reality, she was looking forward to just hanging out and drinking margaritas, while catching up with a good friend she hadn’t seen in ages, due to the recent success of her business. 

Edible Delectables, Kara’s bakery, had slowly been gaining in popularity since opening its doors the year before. A booming business was what she had been striving for, but the bakery had yet to earn enough revenue for extra help. The result was limited time outside of work for friends or anything else. 

Kara was determined this weekend would be different, so of course it would be that when she finally got around to calling Ryan, it turned out to be his mother’s birthday. Ryan, ever the doting son, had already planned to take his mother to dinner. Marla Wittman was a widow and Ryan made every attempt he could to keep her from being lonely. He invited Kara along, and while it wouldn’t be the same as hanging out at Ryan’s apartment getting drunk and hearing about his latest conquests, it was bound to be better than polite conversations with the McCartney’s, or worse, staying home alone. We could always hang out after dinner, Kara thought, and accepted the invitation.

I’m fine with establishing backstory, what’s going on, why characters are doing what they’re doing…

But the problem is that this is literally page one. I don’t care about any of this, BECAUSE THE AUTHOR HAS BARELY TOLD US THE NAME OF THE MAIN CHARACTER. 

Only now, just hours later, here she was in the bathroom of Andy’s Steakhouse, sweating and emptying her innards into the toilet of a public restroom…

[...]

Shuffling over to the sink, she washed her hands before she grabbed a paper towel, wet it, and wiped down her face. She looked into the mirror, and cringed at her reflection. Kara had never really considered herself to be stunning or beautiful, but she knew she wasn’t completely unattractive either. Her body was shapely and toned, and her auburn hair, while not all that exciting, was long, healthy and shiny.

The last time I vomited in a public toilet, the first thing I did was to go check out how shiny my hair was in the mirror. 

SAID NOBODY. EVER. 

…Kara’s cell phone began to ring out with Peanut Butter Jelly!, Kara’s ringtone for Eva.

Nothing quite like immediately dating your story. 

 Standing up straight he stretched his arms above his head and popped his neck and back as best he could before heading back into the pit.

Chapter 1 summary: As mentioned earlier, we open on this immense info dump, which never actually lets us get to know the characters before shoving us into the story. What you need to know is that the MC, Kara, is out with her friend Ryan and his mom for his mom’s birthday dinner. The food barely comes when Kara has to bolt to the bathroom to be physically ill. When she gets back, she finds that she can’t eat, and regrets how she rode over with them. Her friend’s mom eats really, REALLY slow, to the point of it being annoying. 

Ryan drops her off at her car, but she doesn’t want to be alone. She tries calling another friend and her husband, Eva and Eric, but they aren’t answering. So instead, she goes over to Eric’s mom’s house, where she lies down for a little bit. When Eva finally calls her back, Kara says she thinks that she needs to go to the ER.

We then randomly jump over to the male lead, Jason, who is a paediatric doctor at the hospital. But tonight is busy, so he’s working the ER. And if you thought that the end of the chapter would be with Kara coming in, then you are clearly expecting something much better than what this book is shaping up to be. 

Chapter 2

“Have you called Paul yet?” Evalyn asked, as they made their way inside the building. She dug in her purse for a hair band and quickly pulled her long strawberry blonde hair into a pony tail. Eric walked beside her, his arm around Kara’s midsection, trying to help ease the discomfort caused by walking. Paul was Kara’s father, her mother had passed away while Kara was in high school, and ever since her father had raised her alone He’d done a fine job and Kara had grown up happy, but he tended to overreact where Kara’s health and well-being were concerned.

The problem with this pulled-to-publish Twilight fanfic is that… When you’re reading the fanfic and the character says “Have you called Charlie?” every reader knows who that is. We don’t need to stop the narration to explain to the reader who Charlie is.

But it’s like the author has no idea how to write something other than pre-established characters. So what was an effortless, throw-away line in the fanfic turns into this bumbling mess that literally stops the narration so that it can explain Kara’s family dynamics to us. 

EXCEPT THAT WE STILL DON’T CARE. 

He'd been a senior and she a junior when they were in high school. He knew her, or rather knew of her, but they’d never actually spoken. She was quiet and kept to herself and a small group of close friends. He'd seen her in the library during lunch on more than one occasion. Jason spent a great deal of time in the library studying. His parents had moved from Seattle to Austin his senior year; he'd begged them to let him stay to finish school, but his parents wouldn't hear of it. They were a family and they were moving together, they insisted. They were convinced he'd make new friends and everything would be fine. They thought maybe he would let go of his determination to head back to Seattle for college, but they had underestimated just how determined Jason had been. 

NOBODY FUCKING CARES. GET BACK TO THE GODDAMNED ER BUSINESS, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. 

Jason. Not Dr. Dietrich. Did she remember him, too?

Chapter 2 summary: Eva and Eric take Kara to the hospital, except every fucking thing is interrupted to explain some goddamned asinine thing every other paragraph. Not really, but it sure seemed like it at times. Kara gets checked in, but it’s busy, so she’s going to have to wait. She eventually tries to ask the intake nurse if there’s somewhere she can lie down, and another doctor says that there’s an empty gurney in the hall, and Kara can have it.

We switch over to Jason’s POV, and he randomly thinks he knows the name of Kara Baker when he’s handed her chart. We then bring the narration to yet another screeching halt so that we can explain that his family forced him to move his senior year of high school, and he ended up at the school with Kara. She was a year below him, and he would have 100% gone after her… if he hadn’t already promised himself to some random third party named Katie. 

He then does an exam on Kara and thinks that she has appendicitis. But to be on the safe side, he wants to do a pelvic exam to rule out something like ovarian cysts. We’re then subjected to THAT exam as well. It’s like the author has no concept of skipping ahead. After he leaves the room, Kara suddenly remembers him from high school. Finally, Jason rules that she does have appendicitis, and that she should get into surgery as soon as possible. 

#Edible Delectables #bookblr #book review #romance novels #contemporary romance #chick lit

[anarchistbitch]

IIIIIIIIIIIII bloody hate tumblr, Ive been trying to get all the songs we've reced each other into a playlist but it is not showing me all our asks and the ones it does show me are not in order and i wanted it to be in order ugggghhh im stabbing the screen right now mentally,

anyway at work my team is making a playlist so we can listen to everyone's music taste and here's the link to it, add some in my name please and thankyou<333 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4KeIWHO0lqkpDjXFPxWB7v?si=MToywKdbQM2JdiQWq1se6Q&pt=5d863cd3287ba2fae6b8184d7edce597

xhjdsflsdkf it's so always so funny and embarrassing remembering how this all started, all because i was too shy to take off the anon, but hey, here we are <3

and god yes, monaco is perfect for a roadtrip, it is also perfect for this one fic that i read back around 2019 or 2018, just yesterday i was talking about it with a friend bc it was HUGE fic in the fandom, to the point that there was discourse about the fic which is just fucking ridiculous but anyway, you see, idk if you heard about vld but that shit was huge here on tumblr and i was motherfucking obsessed and then the fandom grew very very large and it just kind of imploded but that's not important, the fic was a current time au where the characters were fake dating for a family reunion and the post breakup-bc-we-caught-feelings-but-we-think-the-other-didnt scene would be SO good with Monaco on the background, tasty 👌🏻

re:the job, yeap, ive been working since february bc i needed a break from uni and this way i justified it to myself and actually work has been so good for me for real, ive met a bunch of people that have become close friends, work has allowed me so much rest compared to mfucking architecture, it's also allowing me to pay for a psychologist which is great and yeah, overall a positive experience, the only problem is that now i dont wanna quit working but i know that i cant both work and continue with architecture, and it is making me question how much of my life i am willing to give to this career, bc i feel so much better now mentally, even my friends have told me how different i seem and how much better i seem to be doing right now that im not at uni and just *slowly slips down from the chair into the floor dramatically*

and you're right in both accounts lmao, it's hot as hell outside, especially since i just went home for the weekend and jesus christ the heat and humidity there are no fucking joke i tell you, on the plus side i came back by plane and that was so nice, right before take off i was SO nervous but after we did i really enjoyed it, it helps that it turned 8 hours in a cramped seat into half an hour in a slightly less cramped seat lol, some of the pics i took bc i couldnt help myself will follow this paragraph that just ran away from me literally but anyways, it's horribly hot outside but at work they always have the bloody aircon either too high or too low, no in between with those people

the edit also had me on sliding dramatically to the floor holy shit, the song fits Miles so well and im just 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 it's so easy to have that part get stuck in your head btw, i halfway think about it and i have it stuck in my head for at least the next hour

song rec of the ask: heaven iowa by fall out boy, i fucking love fall out boy, they're my band for real

-M, aka Denisse, aka blue iconed mutual who wanted you to know bc they had a major crush on you but didnt want you to know bc she is shy as fuck aka just a silly goofy person who covers her eyes and groans when she thinks too much about the anon asking bc they get embarrassed easily jsfhjds byyye love you, take care, sending you tons of hugsssss

back to old traditions-> me answering every ask 3 weeks late😔

oooooh lemme search them up and make a playlist later :)) i mostly have them in my liked akshually

what if i added oli london huh. what if i added peppa pig🤨oink wsbdfjkerkjh idk if i had good song recs rn but ill try to add smth later :3

. . . . .

do i . a person whos been on tumblr for almost 8 ish years know about Voltron:Legendary Defenders - the ships from which top the tumblr ecosystem almost every year- the fandom from which i have trauma(not actually but i did cry at shiro's implied death and subsequent clonign lmaooo😭😭😭)

dm me the link bby🤙🏽🤙🏽[i stated on the side of. ahem . omegaverse/werewolves plus soulmate aus]

im glad that youre happy with ur job!!! im entirely unqualified to give any career advice [seriously though -my chosen career is like. its good but its also like 7 years of studying and idek know if i should pursue it rnnn] so honestly🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

honestly im just real glad that ur doing good <3 being in college/uni is both good and bad but hey its not like you cant go back to it at anytime yk? you'd be doing incredible things anyway, it'll just have different terms

ahh the weather here is so shit it's always on the edge of raining and then its like nah😜

i actually like love airplane pics on insta , also the mountains!!!! my old flat used to be near a mountain and i miss it so much😭

i couldnt see atsv in theatres cause of so many things but i finally saw it and it was. like actually life changing . and also i have to fuck miguel o hara btw

OH MAN. i need to confess smth. me and my friends had , a file. like a plastic file with paper with lyrics to FOB songs that we used to write in our free periods and sing in the back of the class😭😭 i miss it so much [it being time. place, ppl. yk how it is]

so much for stardust ended up being one of my fav albums of their forever- after mania and save rock and roll

[but seriously the words 'scar-crossed lovers' brought back the 14yr old geek obsessed with fantasy books in me out again]

😳😳😳

omg well heres to my blue iconned mutual who i wouldve been dming a lot sooner had i been a lit bit more brave but am ultimately glad to have known even after a little longer

much love and many hugs 😚😚😚

#p.s. drink water and hope u meet little kitties who follow u around💜💜💜💜💜 #ily #m for mwah! and mwah! and mwah! #m

[heavensigh]

I had a really good Juneteenth this year. Even though the courts in my area weren’t closed, my firm let us have Monday off in celebration of it. Only been there for a month and already making changes.

I’m learning new things about my attorney. Like how she likes to dump a bunch of questions and tasks on me and then just disappear for the rest of the day. Won’t pick up her phone or answer chats or texts. So its just me, tender and confused about what exactly she wants done and when. I’ve been working remotely as they add in a Covid barrier by my desk so at least I can slack off in the comfort of my own home. But still. Time flies when I’m busy...so I rather be busy. Plus, when she comes back from wherever she goes, she asked what I did with my time and why didn’t xyz get done. What a mess.

I got some waist beads last weekend at the festival and I got them professionally sized this time. I’m not sure what my deal was the last two weeks but I’ve gained 5 pounds and my stomach has been bloated. I’m not surprised. Chu made me cookies at my request and I’ve been INHALING them. What’s worse, I’ve been paring them with big dinners and a glass of milk to wash it all down. I never had much of a sweet tooth in the past but I seem to have these cravings more and more. I think its my mind trying to screw me over. I’m not “dieting” but I am trying to make more healthier choices when it comes to my food intake. Portion control was always something I struggled with and I realized its because I eat too fast. I don’t give my stomach and mind to process that I’ve had enough because I don’t take a freakin break and just scarf down what’s on my plate. Chu has a bad habit of loading up my plate and eating whatever I don’t finish (so he doesn’t have to get up for seconds). So that’s another factor as well. But I did realize that I eat really fast because I don’t eat at the right times. I get so focused on a task that time flies and I wait until I feel like I’m starving or have a massive headache to realize its time to eat. So it all comes down to slowing down. Ever since my illness I had all these alarms set on my phone to alert me of my eating schedule. It was tough the days I didn’t feel like eating and would spend my time recovering or sleeping.

Now that I’m healing I’ve taken the alarms off but still find myself in a whirlwind of duties and will see the time just click on by without me having a decent meal.

I’m currently experiencing a flare up. I’m not sure if its the heat (currently 106 here) or my pissy food choices the past few days but I had to take my meds. I was able to go to the gym last night and did really well. I would like to go tonight but these meds make me sleepy and I still have to eat dinner soon. So maybe a quick nap and I’ll go later. We’ll see

I’m really looking forward to hearing my bosses mouth tomorrow. Ugh.

But something to look forward to this week is Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes is releasing on Friday. I’m so excited and this game release will last me a bit. I don’t have any plans to buy anything else until the end of the year. I say that but I might pick up Xenoblade. We’ll see. Anyway, I already told my friends and family don’t bother me this weekend because I’ll be in a game haze. Its been a while and this little vacation will be just what the doctor ordered for my stress.

I’m gonna work extra hard this week so I can get maximum enjoyment.l

#personal #pbthoughts #dear diary #journal #wellness #chronic illness