#in the same episode as he begs lisa to ask him for something

[anna-coded]

would everyone bully me if i put mannequin 3: the reckoning in my top 4

#i can't help it the haunted sex doll cut to completely out of place sad pathetic deanlisa montage cut to haunted kidney gets to me #it's not even a good motw but i do have the time of my life thinking about it #like what other episode gives me dean yelling that the ghost possesses sex dolls (not a lie but not the full truth) #and insisting that the impala is not a sex doll #in the same episode as he begs lisa to ask him for something #then has a little breakdown while driving about it

[blzzrdstryr]

Alone together

Yandere!Dainsleif x gn!reader

Wordcount: 2011

CW: Yandere themes, stalking, possessive behavior, PTSD

Khaenri’ah burns. Skies turn red, as tall pillars of smoke arise in the place of ruined towers. People cry and beg and scream.

“Ah, [First] , you came to help” Lisa greets you, waking up from her half-slumbering state: “Welcome, welcome. I already made some tea for you, just let me”. The librarian stretches and yawns akin to a cat, after she stands up from the counter, flashing you one of her charming smiles afterwards: “Go and fetch it. We will work after the tea”.

Something in her voice leaves no room for argument, so you sit at the offered table, eyes immediately shifting to the nearby window, mostly out of habit. Skies are blue and clear, buildings are whole and steady, people are laughing and cheering outside. It’s a sight that brings you heartache and comfort at the same time - no one should be subjected to what you had to live through, whether they worship the seven or not.

“And here it is”, the witch says, holding a tray with a steaming teapot, cups and a plate of cupcakes resting on top of it. The next fifteen minutes are spent drinking and carelessly chatting about everything and nothing in particular: Lisa is an excellent company, adept at maintaining the conversation interesting and atmosphere comfortable, her wide array of knowledge and keen intellect keeping you on your toes throughout the exchange despite the advantage of experience you happen to possess.

The brief tea party is then followed by the shared work of deciphering ancient documents, the librarian sometimes turns to you asking for the meaning of one word or another - most of the texts are written in Khaenri’ahn or archaic forms of the modern languages.

She doesn’t pry why you happen to possess such intrinsic knowledge on the long dead language, nor does she ask anything about your star-shaped pupils - she must have seen the descendants of your compatriots, then. You know there live at least two - one with tan skin and a warm smile that never reaches his cold eyes and a blonde youth with the powers of khemia rolling under his palms. There’s no courage to approach them.

You in turn share Khaenri’ah’s greatest legacy - knowledge and science that helped your nation to outpace the deities and turn them against you. It’s a nice feeling - making sure that the thing your people cherished the most will not be forgotten, even if it’s given to archon worshippers. Five centuries ago the thought of educating Teyvatians would be laughable to you - there’s no use in it, they will continue to believe in their gods - you would dismiss it, but now nationless you have no choice but to do it - it’s the only way to keep the products of your people alive. To keep the memory of your people alive.

Khaenri’ah burns. You run across the collapsing city, eyes growing wider as you see people slowly morphing into something. It’s bestial and feral, primitive. Your breath hitches, you want to scream.

“[First]?”, it’s Lisa again, she lightly taps your shoulder, a hint of concern creeps into her voice

“Ah? Everything is fine, I just zoned off” you reply, too quickly and too strained to be believable. Who could have known that even after five hundred years the flashbacks of what happened on that day will still haunt you? They trail your thoughts like determined hounds, sneaking up on you in the most inopportune times. One moment you are talking to someone, the second you relive the fall of Khaenri’ah. The memory feels too real to be a fantasy, leaving your thoughts messy, anxious and disordered, as you shake and try to calm yourself.

“Are you sure?”, she stands up from her seat and makes a couple of quick steps to you, taking a good look at your face: you must look horrible, you think, those episodes always leave you panting and on the verge of panic.

“Maybe we should continue tomorrow, there’s no use in haste, it’s not like our documents will run away”, Lisa continues, massaging circles into your shoulder - her hand is warm and comforting, grounding. You want to thank her for this - the understanding tone and the way she caresses you right now, helping you to keep the link with reality, but the words get stuck in your throat - it’s too much and too scary, to admit what just has happened not only to her, but to yourself too.

“Yes”, you finally force out of yourself, nodding along the way: “it would be for the better”. Your voice is still too tense and strained, filled with the grief for the people and places long past, but Lisa, to your relief, doesn’t point out any of it. You quickly gather your belongings and leave the library, almost forgetting to bid a farewell to the witch as you exit.

The sun begins to set as you make your way to the rented house, it’s small and nondescript, a complete opposite of the one you had in Liyue. You used to work as a scholar in the harbor before He found you again - you fled your spacious and cozy apartments in less than a day, leaving almost all of your possessions behind.

The thoughts of what had happened still buzz in your mind - you want to scream and cry, you want to vent to someone, but the words you will utter will be in pure khaenri’ahn they won’t understand you.

You think of finally approaching that star-eyed cavalry captain, Kaeya, maybe he saw what you witnessed too. You think of Albedo, who carries the same energy all khaenri’ahn constructs do. You want to ask him about his creator, you want to talk with him about Khemia. You think of Barbatos who wears the form of the cheerful bard, you want to accuse and scream and hit him.

You do nothing as the power leaves your body the same second - it’s scary, so scary to verbalize that, to talk and share and relive, and approaching any of those three means doing exactly so.

You stay inside instead, calming your beating heart and kicking out intrusive thoughts, and only when your pulse returns to the norm you allow yourself to finally stand up. The world is shaky and unreliable, but some things stay the same. Your room for example - you have a habit of leaving things in specific places, as a way to keep you grounded. There’s a comfort in familiarity - the one you desperately need.

Your eyes shift from one object to the other, until they stumble across something that sends your heart racing again. The cup you use is shifted by a couple of inches, facing you by the opposite side, there’s a flower and a note lying beside it. The words are in khaenri’ahn, the handwriting is familiar too.

Khaenri’ah burns. Your lungs do too from the sheer overexertion and fatigue, but you keep pushing further and further - you can’t give up yet, not when He needs you. A name forms on your lips.

Thousand of thoughts form in your mind, they’re panicked, fast and disjointed - flee again, cut and dye your hair, change the name too - you can start over in Inazuma again, it’s a closed country, so if you will manage to get in, it will be harder for him to track you again.

Who are you kidding?

Unlike you, he has a core of steel, an unwavering determination to settle things his way or die trying - be it opposing Celestia or gaining you. It was always like that, with the Twilight sword being stubborn to a fault - he never budged or surrendered, not when Khaenri’ah was still proudly standing, and not now, when there’s nothing but the charred remains of your homeland.

You met him when you got accepted into the Royal order, where a Konungr paired you with Him. The twilight sword was unrelenting in his pursuits even then, a trait that you both admired and feared in equal volume. The collapse of your nation only worsened this quality - if back then he was striving to supervise and oversee everything, then the tragedy exacerbated his controlling tendencies even further.

You were travelling together for the first fifty years after the fall, both affected by the same curse, as he started getting possessive. It began in innocuous things: asking where you were, what you were doing, you didn’t pay much attention back then, celestial wrath still fresh in your memory - he was just cautious you told yourself, it’s a safety measure.

But then these safety measures grew from simply inquiring about your day to accompanying you almost everywhere, and then it all culminated in Him locking you up, to keep you away from leaving.

You escaped then, and avoided him ever since, departing your residence the second you caught the wind of his possible proximity. Years turned into decades that later morphed into centuries, and you began to grow lax - he was getting closer and closer to you with each turn. The first time you had a suspicion of him being near you packed your things the same second and spent countless days traversing the land by hidden passageways, careful not to leave any traces, and now, now you still sit in your house, despite having evidence of him knowing where you are.

Maybe you grew tired of the cat and mouse game, maybe you just accepted that your recapture is inevitable and all your little escapes do nothing, but set it off for a couple of months, or maybe you’re just that lonely. It doesn’t matter, really, as you make no attempt to do anything - it’s useless, he already knows your location.

Khaenri’ah burns. You cry and you hate yourself - for weakness, for helplessness, for still being alive and sane. He stays near you as a silent shadow, his blue eyes shifting from your crying face to the wreckage of the city. There are no words shared between you that day - you’re crushed and empty, yet bare and aching at the same time.

“Dainsleif”, you greet him, once you hear the squeak of the opening door. He doesn’t look that different from five hundred years ago, but now his eyes are both more tired and alive with fervent light.

“[First]”, he simply replies, your name rolling off his tongue like a prayer - there’s adoration and worship in his tone. He almost falls to his knees, as he takes your hands in his, capturing them in a steel trap.

“[First], I finally have you, [first]”, he murmurs, bringing your palm to his face. You don’t resist him, knowing it’s futile. His skin feels just like all those years ago - rough and dry, weathered down by the demanding lifestyle he leads. He gives a shy peck to your inner wrist, blue eyes intently watching you as he does so.

“Long time no see, Dain”, you start, trying to diffuse the tension in the air, as he grabs you by the chin and forces you into a kiss. He kisses with the desperation of a dying person, one of his hands firmly holding your head, the other starts to explore your body. It feels obscene. You are lightheaded, when he finally parts and hugs you again, still chanting “[First]” over and over again.

You allow him this liberty too, feeling a prick of pity in your heart. You know what it is - to be the sole survivor, too see your own people crumble and fall and transform. You know that he returns to that place again and again, reliving the same moment against his will. You know that he gasps and shivers when the memories get too real and overwhelming.

You both are children of the fallen nation, and there's no person in the world who could understand you better than he does. Maybe, you shouldn't have run, you think, listening to Dainsleif speak in Khaenri’ahn. There's a chain of connection between you two, it's unbreakable, forged in shared losses, tears and pain.

Khaenri’ah burns. It burns in both of you.

#yandere genshin impact #yandere dainsleif x reader #Yandere dainsleif #Dainsleif x reader #Dainsleif #Yandere genshin #genshin impact x reader #Yandere genshin x reader #Yandere #Yandere male #Genshin impact #Introverted atheist w/ 0 people skills? I kin #my writing

[sokkastyles]

“Tell Me What Happened:” Zutara and the Female Gaze

I’ve seen some discourse about the male and female gaze, and I think some people misunderstand what these terms actually mean. So let’s go back a bit to the origins.

The term “the male gaze” was popularized by feminist film critic Laura Mulvey. In her essay, “Visual Pleasure in Narrative Cinema,” Mulvey uses the Hitchcock film Rear Window, which is a story that is entirely framed around the voyeurism of the main male character. There’s a point in the movie where the protagonist’s girlfriend, who had previously doubted the events the protagonist claimed to view out of his apartment window, which make up most of the action of the story, finally comes around to his way of seeing things, and delivers the very effective and famous line “Tell me exactly what you saw, and what you think it means.”

Most of the time when people talk about the male gaze, they refer to female characters being displayed as objects for an assumed male viewer. Mulvey argues that the way the character Lisa is portrayed in this movie does subject her to this voyeuristic interpretation, but it goes deeper than that. When Lisa is not the object being viewed, she is asked to see things through the perspective of the main male character. She originally doubts him, but eventually she is forced to view things from his perspective. Later in the movie, she becomes subject to the protagonist’s gaze as we see her on the other side of the binoculars. Her boyfriend, the character through which the movie establishes its viewpoint, watches her be threatened by another man and eventually she is saved.

The movie both invites the assumed male viewer to view Lisa as an object AND asks her, as the movie’s female protagonist, to view things through the lens of the male protagonist.

And that’s what most of the critiques I see of Katara and Aang’s relationship are about. Take “The Fortune Teller,” for example.

Many people have already talked about how "The Fortuneteller" treats Aang's crush on Katara vs Meng's crush on Aang, but I would like to point out what I think is a particularly egregious example of the male gaze in this episode.

This is Aang looking at Katara. We get the pan over her body with emphasis on how attractive Aang finds her to be. The lighting makes her look practically angelic.

Then, later in the episode, when we see Meng crush on Aang, we get a similar pan.

The joke is meant to contrast Katara's desirability with Aang's, yet we are supposed to root for Aang as he worries that Katara does not return his feelings.

The show is also making fun of Aang's crush on Katara by showing Aang's exaggerated perspective, but she still remains desirable in his view and to the camera. There is no undercutting of Aang's view of Katara the way the camera subverts Meng’s view of Aang. We are not asked to see Aang as desirable from a female perspective, which begs the question of what Katara should see in him if female desire is so, well...undesirable.

This is one of several places where the show is self aware enough to poke fun at the way Aang sees Katara, but still in the end totally validates him and the male gaze by only subverting it when the genders are flipped. Which isn't actually a subversion at all.

This is an example of the camera framing a female character as object of the male gaze, but it goes deeper than that. The male gaze isn’t just framing women as objects to be looked at, but inviting women to view themselves through the filter of the male gaze as well.

And therein, I would argue, is the appeal of zutara.

You could make a case that one of the reasons zutara is so popular is because the show does occasionally present Zuko as an object for the gaze of a female audience. The creators were aware at a certain point that there was a not insignificant portion of the fandom that was into Zuko.

But Zuko is never framed as an object of desirability for Katara.

What the show does do, though, is switch up the lens through which we are supposed to view the narrative. And the way this happens is directly tied to Katara’s relationship with Zuko.

Katara is, in a lot of ways, our narrator from the beginning. Her words are the first ones heard from episode one, telling us about the world and the war and the Avatar. Her narration is focused on Aang and his story. “I believe that Aang can save the world.”

Katara also has her own story, though, one she talks about throughout the series but mostly in relation to others. And it’s this story that she confronts Zuko with in the crystal caves, when she tells him that he has “no idea” what she has suffered, and she tells him about the death of her mother.

Zuko does something she doesn’t expect by apologizing and relating it to the loss of his own mother, but he still can’t fully commit to her side and ends up betraying their tentative truce. It’s when she confronts him with it again in “The Southern Raiders” that things start to shift.

Before that, Katara had used the death of her mother to empathize with other’s loss, and many times this is a male character. We’ve heard the story told many times. Sokka tells it to Toph to explain Katara to her.

When Zuko seeks out Sokka in “The Southern Raiders,” though, it is the first time that another character has asked to hear the story.

Zuko: I want you to tell me what happened to your mother.

Sokka tells Zuko the story and tells Zuko that it’s not something he likes to think about. This relates to how Katara and Sokka differently view what happened to their mother, and partially contributes to why Katara told Sokka that maybe he didn’t love her enough. For Sokka, the day of his mother’s murder is not something he wants to relive, but Katara is constantly forced to relive it.

“The Southern Raiders” contains three full flashbacks to Kya’s murder. First from Sokka’s viewpoint, then Katara herself as she is telling the story to Zuko. The last time we see the story play out, it is as Katara is standing in front of Yon Rha and confronting him with it, while Zuko looks on passively.

Here, the dynamic has shifted so that Katara is not only the one telling the story, but in the end she is also the one who gets to rewrite it, to define how it ends, and Zuko is the observer, much like Lisa in “Rear Window.” Tell me what you saw and what you think it means.

Zuko knows the importance of letting Katara give shape and meaning to this story because he himself tried to do the same with Ozai, who is the only one left to speak about what happened to Ursa.

Ozai: Don’t you want to know what happened to your mother?

That both of these narratives involve women being silenced emphasizes the reclamation of them as the shifting from a male gaze to a female one. That Zuko’s redemption is tied to such a shift is very interesting, especially given the elemental symbolism of fire = male and water = female. That “The Southern Raiders,” one of the most shippy episodes, involves Katara ignoring Aang’s attempts to define the situation and, in the episode’s climax, forcing two male characters to observe as she describes what happened to her mother, a woman she is so connected with, is significant. Katara directs both the gazes of Zuko and Yon Rha, and by extension the audience, just as she effortlessly directs the rain itself. The last time we see the memory retold it is Katara revealing the truth to Yon Rha, who thought he had killed the last waterbender. The fact that this episode was penned by a woman also emphasizes the power of reclaiming narratives with a female gaze.

#zutara #zuko #katara #antikataang #atla meta #the southern raiders #kya #the fortuneteller

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 8

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6; Season 7]

Oooohhh this is where things start getting JUICY

Episode 1:

Again, Dean copes with the idea of Cas not being there by lying to himself

Parallel from S6: Dean behaves exactly like he was while looking for Lisa and Ben, looking for Cas. "Where's the angel!" (16:57)

Dean clearly states he won't leave PurGAYtory without Cas (22:45)

Episode 2:

Since Dean has come back, he has been snappy with Sam and Crowley about Cas, but every time he remembers PurGAYtory, he is either looking for Cas or with him, and that's all he thinks of

Again with the paraparallels with Lisa and Ben (12:21), also "You'll find your angel there." (13:19) ICWAW, come on, do I have to point that out?

"There are some in Heaven who still believe, despite his mistakes, that Castiel's heart was always in the right place [...] I think... too much heart was always Castiel's problem." (22:25) Samandriel says all of this while looking directly at Dean

Look at that hug. Have we ever seen Dean hug Cas before? The gring on Dean's face. [This is so fucking funny too me, the "Nice peach fuzz" reaction to Cas' beard VS the Sam's "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" reaction in season 14] (23:21)

"I prayed to you, Cas, every night!" (24:37) Cas once again chose to leave/hurt Dean in order to protect him, even tho he really doesn't want to leave him. "There've been things hunting me. [...] I've a price on my head and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them to... to keep them away from you." (24:54) Those fucking eyes kill me

Dean is willing to risk it all to get Cas out with him. "Cas, buddy... I need you." [yeah, let's see how well that ages on episode 17], also the little "Dean... " after that... BABIES (25:33)

That smile, those eyes... LOOK AT HIM. This is such a "You and me against everything" moment that, ICWAW, would be considered HELLA ROMANTIC

"I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?" (25:51) for fucking finally, also 12 seconds of STARE + LICK of the LIPS action. Oooohhh ICWAW... just imagine

Let us remember that all of this ⬆️, Dean remembers after Samandriel told him "too much heart bla bla bla"

"... [Kevin] thinks people I don't need anymore, they end up dead." (40:36) 'you', Dean? Only you? That's so much guilt you are packing. And immediately after he thinks about trying to save Cas from PurGAYtory and failing... Alrighty then

Episode 5:

I get why some people ship Dean and Benny, but they really do struck me as a bromance. When they call each other "brother", I believe that. With Cas, Dean pulls the "brother card" whenever he's opening his heart to him, basically "no-homo"ing it at the end. Weird right? (12:03)

Benny bitches about Cas being a danger to them because of the attraction monsters have to him, and Cas himself tries convincing Dean he has to leave him behind for his own good, but Dean is having none of that shit and is ready to die trying to save him (12:56)

FUCK MY LIFE we are getting flashbacks from both Sam and Dean, Sam about the time he spent with Amelia, and Dean about looking for, finding and trying to save Cas. I MEAN??!!! ICWAW you BET this would be seen as a ROMANTIC PARALLEL

"He's a friend." "A friend? Dean, you don't have any- all your friends are dead." "That's not what I called to talk about!!" Ouch (25:27)

Episode 6:

"I was in Purgatory." "Like 'purgatory' Purgatory?" "No, the one in Miami." ... that's a gay bar, Dean, how would you know? (11:23)

Dean's lying to himself about Cas letting go (35:32)

Episode 7:

Parallel to S1 Sam seeing Jess while in the car (2:31). Kill me. Also Dean allucinates Cas just like Sam did with Jess (10:15) band tries coping with it by repeating to himself that he didn't leave Cas behind

Every scene in Purgatory where Cas tries to reassure Dean that, if he doesn't make it, it's just the way it is, and Dean insisting he won't leave without him. "I'm just saying... if it doesn't work.. Thank you. For everything." (12:50) I'm dying

Cas comes back and all Dean does for the first few moments is check him out (16:16-16:21) He says he kept trying to reach for the boys, but wasn't at full power, tho somehow Dean was the only one who could see him. And Dean's eyes looking back at Cas (17:58) End me now

FUCKING👏BONER👏SHIFT👏 (20:38)

LOOK AT HIM!! He's checking him out, making THAT face and SHIFTING IN HIS SEAT WHILE PRESSING A HAND TO HIS CROTCH. THAT'S A BONER SHIFT. Look at Sam and then at Dean (20:44) One is a friendly fond reaction, one ISN'T.

ICWAW, we wouldn't even be QUESTIONING it!

The amount of checking out in this episode is crazy. Look at Dean checking out Cas. Look at his face! THE EYES (24:08) ICWA- OH COME ON DO I HAVE TO POINT THAT OUT?!

"Did you not trust me?" "Dean..." "I did everything I could to get you out. Everything! ... I did not leave you." "... So you think this was your fault?" OH MY GOD SO FUCKING #MARRIED LOOK AT CAS' EYES (28:06) ICWA- I'm not even trying anymore

So many soft shoulder touches (34:42) also HOT SCENE I don't know why "I'm going in." "Cas, no. You're not strong enough." (35:15) precious babies

"You could've gotten yourself killed. Why didn't you wait for me?" "Well, I didn't get killed, and it worked." "And if it didn't?!" "It would have been my problem." "Well, it's not the way I see it!" (37:36) #MARRIED they're SO MARRIED

Dean keeps blaming himself for Cas not getting out "I don't need to feel like hell for failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing I care about." SEE??! (38:16) Dean preferred believing he had let Cas down, something he is used to, than he had sacrified himself for him (38:48). Dean can't believe Cas thought he deserved to stay in Purgatory. Also THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER (39:38) And Dean's deeply hurt by the fact that Cas would leave him to safety and remain in Purgatory as self punishment for what Dean had painted as all Cas' fault. And he is full of regret (41:30)

Episode 8:

[How fucking cute is it that Cas wants to become a hunter. I'M SQUEELING]

They are so #MARRIED my heart ACHES (5:02) and the way Dean looks at Cas is so fucking SOFT. And 6 seconds of just staring and... well, Cas in general (5:13)

"What? I was being bad cop." "No, you were being bad everything!" (9:12) #MARRIED (12:04) I'm dying, they're so cute

"I don't sleep." "Okay, well, I need my 4 hours, so-" "I'll watch over you *puppy eyes*" (12:52)

"Hey, can you lift this?" sure, Dean, every excuse is valid to have Cas be hot by effortlessly moving an anvil. And see how Cas looks at Dean, like "Really? You even had to ask? I'll fucking show you I can lift this shit". Look at how he looks back side-eyes at Dean here (14:16), like he's making sure Dean is watching him being hot. I'm dead

This is such a fucking sweet moment [I mean, kinda looked like the begging of a porn at first] (16:01). Dean can sense Cas is not okay, and gets him to open up about his feelings. And when Cas admits being suicidal, Dean is speechless, not even being able to imagine such an outcome. Anyway, it is so fucking sweet that they're always able to show themselves vulnerable to each other

Shut up. Look at this scene (18:51-18:53). Mute the video and just look. This is Sam marrying Cas and Dean. PERIODT.

"You're so pretty, Charles. [...] You were quite the bounder." DEAN'S FACE (20:27) He's so in love, and immediately after he LICKS HIS LIPS

While Sam talks about running away from your problems (referring to Amelia), and having to wake up in order not to destroy everything, the pan focuses on Cas (35:33) Subtext, gentlethem, subtext. CAS, FACE YOUR FEELINGS. SOON

Dean's face when Cas says he's not coming back with them (38:16-39:21)

Episode 10:

I now this scene is supposed to be funny, but the way Cas looks at Dean AAAWWW (6:53-7:01) Also do you really have to walk so close to Cas, Dean? Do you? While CHECKING HIM OUT nonetheless?! (7:54)

Remember when in 7x01 Dean was totally comfortable watching porn in front of his brother? Well, Dean goes on and on about Cas being a "brother", but his fucking reaction to Cas being in the same room as him with porn on his computer, is BY FAR the same he has with Sam, hell he even keeps watching with Sam! (8:05) Is it because the last time he, porn and Cas were in the same room, Cas popped a BONER?

Random guy @ Dean: "Are you serious?" Cas: "*leans in to look at Dean* That's his serious face, yes." And Dean's reaction (12:59) SO FUCKING #MARRIED

Dean, that's not the way you look at a friend, or a BROTHER (13:38)

LOOK!! I swear to GOD ICWAW that would be seen as nothing other than CHECKING OUT YOUR CRUSH

"Hey, how about we say, if this doesn't pan out, we had back to that beer and bacon happy hour a mile back, huh?" Translation: "Since I'm starting to realize I might feel something more for you, let me take you on what is totally not a date unless you want it to be" (16:58)

(24:02) #MARRIED

Dean, will you stop checking out Cas during missions? (25:06) Same goes for you, Cas, don't check if your husband's got a boner for you being the hero here (25:08)

Since the start of this season, we've been getting parallels between Sam & Amelia and Dean & Cas. The flashbacks, the guilt for leaving the other half behind, and now Dean tells Sam he's jealous he got a chance at being happy with Amelia (37:32)!!! I MEAN- and fuck my life when I tell you there are parallels with the whole Sam-Amelia-Don & Cas-Dean-Benny thing. I'M TELLING YOU

Episode 11:

"Trust me, this life... you can't afford attachments. You just gotta... let go." "... Are we still talking about Sam, or did you break up with someone too?" (21:17) CHARLIE KNOWS. TELL HIM CHARLIE

Episode 13:

Bitch... Dean's reaction to getting publicly hit on by a dude, so not the one a straight guy, confident in his sexuality and masculinity, "no-homo bro" would have (15:36). Just saying, we have seen Dean turn down what he thought were avances, and other implications regarding his sexuality, with either sarcasm/humor or anger... this is new. Progress?! [Wait till we get to 15x7]

Episode 16:

[Keep in mind how Dean's bedroom looks. Trust me]

Episode 17: OOOOHHH BOI

Cas has been tortured, mind-fucked, obligated to kill fake Deans over 1K times, in order to be ready to kill the real one. Let that sink in

Dean prayed to Cas, I'm sure almost every night, and can already sense something is not right with him ever since he came back from Purgatory (11:31), but when Sam questions his prayers to Cas, Dean doesn't know how to respond. Like, what, do I need a reason to try and contact my crush?

"There has to be another way. [...] This isn't right! [...] I won't hurt Dean!" (29:51-31:00) "Cas, fight this! This is not you! FIGHT IT!" and he does. Cas fights it. [and as soon as Cas starts fighting back, Heaven tints with BI COLOURS! LOOK AT THEM WINDOW THINGY (31:16) OF ALL COLOURS]

Dean is on the verge of tears, kneeling in front of Cas, telling him "This isn't you!", and to fight. He is pleading. And by the end, bloody, hopeless, "Cas... it's me! We're family. We need you... I need you." and Cas stops. (33:13)

Cas breaks the connection Naomi had installed in him. Once again, when presented with the choice, he chooses Dean over Heaven. All of this because Dean needed him. And let's not forget Dean was originally ment to say "I love you.", and that would've been the reason Cas snapped out of the control. I MEAN ICWAW THIS WOULD FUCKING BE CANON

Dean, thinking Cas is going to kill him, clutches onto the coat's sleeve for dear life, to the memory of his Cas (34:21) KILL ME

"What broke the connection?" The look in Cas' eyes... "I don't know." OH YES YOU DO (36:15) and Dean's face when Cas says he needs to protect the angel tablet. Dean knows he's gonna leave again (36:23). ICWAW, this whole scene would be the UMPTEENTH CONFESSION

Episode 18:

"I'm fine. Are you okay?" "Me?" "Yeah. Cass dinged you up pretty good." "... and?" "And I just wanted to make sure you're okay." "...What, like, my feelings?!" "If that's what you wanna talk about, sure." Dean gets pissy pretty easily when talking about Cas, who left once again, and his feelings. Also, Sam knows, and he ships it. He's president of the Destiel Company (4:02)

Episode 19:

The thing with the Deanny relationship is: Dean is naturally affectionate towards Sam, and he expresses the same towards Benny. His relationship with the both of them is very very similar, while see Dean showing affection towards Cas [same as he does with Sam] only during extreme emotional moments. Dean is known for repressing his feelings, and having a tendency to maintaining a "macho" exterior. He shows himself vulnerable in front of Cas, but not enough for him to think less of Dean. So, think about it

Episode 20:

Charlie, a lesbian, who has only ever heard of Castiel through Dean, describes him as seeming "dreamy" while talking to Dean... GAYDAR ANYONE??!!! (9:16)

Episode 21:

"In the words of a good friend... 'bite me'." Cas is quoting Dean, and if I remember correctly, Dean will quote Cas' "ass-butt" later on (16:"10)

Episode 22:

I hate when Dean treats Cas poorly, badly, because he can't deal with his feelings. In the heat of the moment, Dean is always forgiving, helpful and caring, but as soon As things cool down, he goes back to being cold, bitchy and snappy, like nothing ever happened. Repressed mother fucker

The small flash of hurt on Cas' face when Dean ignores his "Good morning" (3:33) fighting coupleTM. "Dean, I can go with you. *is ignored* Dean... I'm sorry. [LOOK AT THAT FACE]" "For what?" "For everything." "Everything? Like ignoring us?" #MARRIED

Cas is buying porn, beer and pie to make amends to Dean. "Where's the pie?" "I think we're out." "*grabs store clerk* You don't understand. I need pie!" (14:50) they are so fucking #MARRIED

Episode 23:

This is such a sweet moment. Cas is about to close the doors to his old home behind himself forever, while risking getting killed by his own kind, and Dean is worried about him. They are sharing drinks while longingly staring into each other's eyes. This is so sweet. Also, Dean warned Sam he might not be coming back. Why? Cuz he would probably die while trying to protect Cas from other angels. To them, they are probably spending their last moments together, while looking at each other like THAT (22:38) And 5 seconds of STARES (23:10)

In love. Fucking fools in love, that's what they are.

This is so stupid but they have just witnessed a cupid matching up two dudes, after all of the above⬆️ (23:53) AND IT'S JUST FUNNY!! Dean is stunned and all, while Cas is complitely fine and professional (24:04-24:17-24:21) DEAN'S FACE

"Talk first, stab later." (26:21) Cas is like "Bitch, you talking? That was our first date!" #MARRIED

[I'll just leave this here (37:00)]

Now shit's getting real

[Season 9>>]

#the destiel folder #icwaw #if castiel were a woman #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #dean x castiel #spn #casdean #deancas #jensen ackles #misha collins #supernatural rewatch #spn rewatch #spn season 8 #destiel moments #supernatural family #spn family #time stamp #ship #fandom #destiel should be canon #rewatch #dean is bi #dean winchester is bi #destiel parallels #purgaytory #purgatory #cockles

[holyhellpod]

Heyoooo, it’s another episode of Holy Hell! This one is dedicated to the manchild himself, Dean Winchester. 

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Transcript below!

CW: discussions of child abuse, child death, suicide, alcoholism, family trauma, mental health

[Music]

Dean Winchester is, in a word, my soulmate. I started kinning him when the show aired in Australia on Fox8 and I have not been the same since. From his devil-may-care attitude to his undying love for his family that pierces the veil of death to save the day, he really is the most. I have to say at the beginning that this episode of Holy Hell will not include discussions of Dean’s sexuality and gender. I’m saving that for its own episode, so stay tuned my pals.

What we know of Dean as he develops over the course of the first episode is: he’s been hunting, and hunting alone, he’s 26 years old, he drives a sweet ‘67 Impala, he wears an old leather jacket, he listens to 1980s metal, and he has an arsenal of weapons and supernatural fighting talismans in his trunk. He’s also a smartarse, one of his most endearing qualities. He gets defensive about their mother and her death, and he defends their father over and over. He’s a loyal son and brother. The impetus to bring Sam back into the hunting life, after Sam decided for good that he was going to leave, is to bring his fambily back together.

The quality that defines Dean Winchester is how much he loves he loves his fambily. In the first episode, he is so worried about his father that he recruits Sam to help look for him, even though Sam and Dean haven’t spoken in two years, and Sam ran away to college rather than continue to live with their father.  He spends most of the first season defending their father, but when John comes back and starts arguing with Sam, Dean protects his brother from John. It’s one of the most significant examples of character growth Dean undergoes throughout the entire series, and it’s where his loyalty shifts from John to Sam.

In the episode of season 2, “Croatoan,” Dean decides not to shoot Sam when Sam contracts the Croatoan virus which turns people rabid and makes them kill. In the next episode, “Hunted”, Dean reveals that John told him to kill Sam if Dean couldn’t save him. But Dean doesn’t. He says that John begged Dean not to tell Sam, but it’s not John’s words that keep Dean silent. It’s his love for Sam and Sam’s wellbeing. And this brotherly love slash codependency is used by characters throughout the entire series, from the demons in season 1 to the literal character of God in season 15, to manipulate Dean and Sam. As many characters have pointed out, including Dean and Sam themselves, they are each other’s weak points.  

At the end of season two, when Sam dies from a stab wound in his spine, Dean trades his own life for Sam’s. He makes a deal with a crossroads demon—his soul for Sam’s life—and subsequently dies and goes to hell at the end of season 3. Dean literally dies a gruesome death and spends forty years being tortured in hell because he couldn’t live without Sam. At the end of Season 8, Sam is dying from the effects of the trials, which he undergoes in order to close the gates of hell, and Dean convinces him to stop because, again, he can’t live without Sam. Sidenote: this is where I stopped being interested in their brotherly dynamic to the point of losing interest in the show. It became clear to me that the showrunners were more concerned with rehashing the same tired storylines between Sam and Dean than focus on characters who could expand the world and make the show better. In fact, they killed a lot of the interesting side characters in order to keep the show solely focused on the brothers. The exception to this is Castiel, and the reason they kept Cas around is because when he died in season 7 the ratings tanked. If that wasn’t a clear enough sign that the showrunners needed to open up the show to more than just Sam and Dean’s caustic dynamic in which they die and kill for and then betray and lie to each other over and over, then I just don’t know what the fans could have done to convince them. Nothing, apparently, because they ended the show with just Sam and Dean.

Dean’s relationship with John is fraught with insecurity and codependency. Dean has so little sense of self that what he does consider to be his carefully curated list of likes and dislikes were inherited directly from John: his car, his leather jacket, his hunting abilities, and his music taste. He also throws himself into hunts without any regard for his own safety, because he doesn’t believe that he is worth saving, or that his life is worth living. His personality is crafted from both John’s reliance on him as a son, hunter and partner in crime, and the woman he assumes Mary to be. Dean’s sense of self-worth relies on how many people he can save. This is why, in season 2 episode “What is and what should never be,” Dean’s dream reality is one in which he’s a low life loser who disappoints his family—because without John pushing him to be a hunter, Dean doesn’t save people, and because he doesn’t save people, he isn’t worth anything. Bear in mind that this is the best reality Dean’s mind could conjure for him: one in which his father is dead, and he himself is not worth saving.

In one of the most famous exchanges, he asks Cas why an angel would rescue him from hell, and Cas replies, “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Twenty-nine years of bluster, insouciance, and a give-em-hell attitude crumbles in two sentences, wrought by a being Dean refuses to believe exists because, again, he doesn’t think that he deserves to be saved by them. He says, “[Why me? I don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God].” He thinks of himself so lowly that he accepted a one-year deal in exchange for Sam being alive. Dean cares so much about his family he lets it kill him.

But it’s not just Sam, Mary and John. Dean’s family grows to encompass a number of side characters: most notably Bobby their surrogate father, Charlie Bradbury the hacker, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, and Lisa and Ben Braeden. Even Mary makes another appearance in seasons 12 to 14. Unfortunately, because the show is the way it is, Dean puts Sam above all of these side characters, and then these characters are written out of the show. I should specify that Cas is not a side character; in most seasons, Misha Collins is billed as a main cast member, with his name appearing after Jensen Ackles in the credits. But he still dies in the third-last episode in order to have the show stay about the brothers. Even Jack, inarguably Cas and Dean’s son, is written out of the show in the second-last episode after dying multiple times. I say inarguably because I am not gonna argue with anyone about this. Claire and Jack are Dean and Cas’s kids. Dean and Cas are great parents who chaperone Jack’s prom and buy Claire her first hunting bow. They’re all one big happy, queer, neurodivergent family.

Dean loves the people in his life with reckless abandon. The times he’s excused Cas’s behaviour after Cas has done something ridiculous or foolish are too many to count. He grieves Cas’s multiple deaths, often succumbing to his alcoholism and entropy whenever Cas leaves him for more than a day. In a truly beautiful scene, Dean wraps Cas’s corpse in a curtain and watches, utterly and completely devastated, as his body burns. By this point, they have done so much for each other that it’s impossible to even envision the show without Cas, and indeed imagine Dean without his love for Cas. And we don’t have to for very long, as he always comes back a few episodes later. Even knowing this, the episodes where Dean mourns Cas are so heartbreaking and haunting that I cried for days after watching them.

Dean is great with kids, and every time he’s not is completely the fault of whoever is writing him in any given episode. We see him bonding with Lisa’s son Ben in season 3 and 6, Jesse in the season 5 episode “I Believe The Children Are Our Future,” and Lucas in the season one episode “Dead in the water”. With every child he meets, Dean gets on their level, empathising with them in a way most adults can’t. Like Claire and Jack, Dean has a complicated relationship with his father, who dies in the beginning of season 2 after bargaining his soul for Dean’s life to the demon that took their mother. Just like anyone else’s life, right? Must be Tuesday. This means Dean can relate to most children with traumatic backgrounds involving their parents, as a victim of parental abuse and having his mother die at age 4. I can’t find any sources to back this up, but a theory that rolled around in fandom was that Dean became mute after Mary died, which is what happens to Lucas after his father drowns. He says in “Dead In the Water” that he loves kids, and it’s true. As one tumblr user put it, Dean wanted to be baby trapped.

Dean carries the deaths and pain of his loved ones with him like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. When Claire is bitten by a werewolf, the characters administer blood of the sire wolf that bit her in order to cure her of her lycanthropy. Dean has to leave the room while she’s in pain, because he can’t bear to watch her die. The same goes for when Jack dies. Thankfully, Claire lives and Jack comes back a few episodes later.

When thinking about Dean being a father, I’m reminded of that scene from Scrubs when Dr Cox says he’s worried about being a father because his own dad was an abusive alcoholic. The difference between Dr Cox and Dean is that Dean doesn’t have his reservations about raising kids. He fits into Lisa and Ben’s life easily, at least for the first year, and we see a montage which includes him teaching Ben how to fix cars. When Claire lets her guard down enough to hug Dean, he hugs back just as hard. When he finally deals with the trauma of Cas dying in season 13, he accepts Jack into his life, and even grieves Jack when he dies. Dean escapes the intergenerational trauma that plagues his family by being a fantastic dad to the random kids who happen into his life by chance. He was born to be a father, and the fact that this show took that away from him and us as the audience makes me want to kick the showrunners into the sun.

Until season 6, Dean’s family only included men. The concept of the nuclear family—two sons, a husband and a wife—was ripped apart in the prologue of the first episode when Mary dies. Dean doesn’t know family for the first 5 seasons of the show outside Sam, John, Cas and Bobby. I do consider Ellen and Jo to be important to the story, but they’re only in a handful of episodes and die in season 5 for a reason that is plainly ridiculous. Did the Winchesters have to lose every single person in their lives to the fight? Clearly Kripke thought they were going to be cancelled after the fifth season, because it shows. And honestly? Maybe they should have. Let’s retroactively cancel the whole show. It can’t hold power over us anymore, because it’s dead and we cremated it.

But when Dean moves in with Lisa and Ben, he discovers a new type of family he didn’t have before, and new family dynamics. Instead of the 28-year-old son that Sam is to him, he takes the opportunity to teach Ben about cars and spend time with him and Lisa without the need to hunt. He gets a job, he makes some friends, and he lives the safe, apple pie life he begrudged Sam for in the pilot episode. It’s only when Sam reappears in his life that Dean’s codependency strikes again and he realises that he can’t live half in the normal world with Lisa and Ben and half in the hunting world with Sam. Sam says this himself in the first episode of Season 6, “Exile On Main Street”. Despite the ways Dean tried to settle down throughout the rest of the 9 seasons, the showrunners ultimately decided a man who was healing from trauma and alcoholism, who had adopted two kids as his own, and was learning how to bake cakes for his son’s birthday, deserved to die at the ripe age of 40, a week or so after he’d learned that his best friend was in love with him. You gotta laugh. Instead of getting the ending both Dean and we deserved—which was Dean settling down, opening a bar, and living the next forty years in relative gay peace while he got fat and watched Cheers reruns—well, we got something else. And I will always be bitter about that.

While it’s clear from the first season that he has reckless and suicidal tendencies, he doesn’t stop fighting to the bitter end. Even when faced with his own impending death in the season 2 premiere, “In my time of dying,” he fights to stay alive for Sam and John, while working the mystery that is overcoming his own death. Devastated as he is by Sam diving into hell at the end of season 5 and seemingly gone for good, Dean still gets up everyday and makes a life for himself in Lisa’s home. While season 6 was overall a bummer of a season, just god-awful in every aspect, saved from my complete vitriol only by “The French Mistake,” it did show us how great a dad Dean can be, and readied us for what was to come—being Claire and Jack’s dad. The lengths he goes to for his family are immense and all-consuming. As Cas says in “Despair”, Dean is a being of love. He loves everyone else, even when he can’t find it in him to love himself. He really thinks that he’s just a killer, not a father or a husband.

I’ve never subscribed to the idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else, or before anyone else can love us. Sorry Rupaul, you old bitch. We are all deserving of love, because love sustains us and helps us grow. And when we don’t know how to, it’s through loving others that we can learn to love ourselves. If Dean knew what a great father and friend and husband and brother he is, if he could see himself the way others, in the show and out of it, see him, I think he’d burst. You don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties? Well tough shit, Dean Winchester, because I’m gonna devote an entire podcast to you.

I talked about Dean’s carefully curated list of likes and dislikes before but I’ll go into more detail now. Things he likes: guns; rock and roll; nice cars; women; fighting; scamming people at pool; back alley blowjobs, probably; pie; driving across the country; Ozzy concerts; cowboy movies; being in control of every little thing in his life. His dislikes are: flying on planes; hair metal; angels and demons; anyone who harms his brother, his best friend or his kids; boredom; and being jerked around.

Okay I literally cannot talk about the cowboy movies without mentioning that he makes Cas watch them with him, in his Deancave, and the implications of that make my head roll off my body and into the dirt. Like they literally have gay little movie nights and watch their gay little cowboy movies together and Dean says all the gay little lines. I said I wasn’t going to talk about his sexuality, but mentioning cowboy movies leads to Cas wearing a cowboy hat and saying “I’m your Huckleberry.” This makes me insane. Excuse me, I must have my daily scream.

Okay, I’ve collected myself. Have I? Let’s just move on. In the Winchester tradition of inherited family trauma, Dean gets all of John’s interests, and Sam gets all of John’s mistakes. Dean’s personality throughout the show is basically quippy remarks, pop culture references, laughing with food in his mouth, and grouchiness. In case you haven’t realised, he is amazing to me. Every time he fires a rifle or pistol? Couldn’t be better. Eating a burger made of out donuts? Fucking incredible. Even when faced with beings with untold power, he doesn’t lose his cool. One of my favourite exchanges is when Zachariah comes to Chuck’s house in the first episode of season 5, “Sympathy For The Devil,” and starts soliloquising at him, Dean tells him to “cram it with walnuts, ugly.” Cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s been ten years and that still makes me laugh. Top ten Dean lines for sure. Like all of my main characters throughout the years of writing original fiction are just “Dean Winchester but girl,” and I’m a good writer, but I can never come close to the level of hilarity that he achieves. And every single writer on the show seems to get that. The only times I can think of where Dean’s characterisation has irked me on a writing level are in season 6—basically the entire thing—and the way he treats Jack in the later seasons, specifically late season 15. But it’s really rare for me to watch an episode and not enjoy Dean. Even throughout the Mark Of Cain era, which I loved, when things were very serious, he had such style and panache and held himself so confidently that I was like, wait maybe he made some points? Maybe he should kill everyone?

Dean is a hunter and a killer, but that’s not all he is. He’s very skilled in hand to hand combat, weaponry, and tactical manoeuvres. Even when something doesn’t go exactly to plan, he’s usually able to improvise something to end up with a win. Because he is the main character, his choices and reactions, while sometimes extremely problematic, are never questioned, and that’s to his detriment. In the last episode of season 14, “Moriah,” Dean is unable to kill Jack, but in early season 15, he treats Jack’s betrayal as Cas’s fault, because he can’t take it out on Jack. Cas leaves, but it’s framed as a good thing because Cas is Jack’s father, and has to take responsibility for what Jack has done. In this instance, I don’t blame Cas at all. Okay I rarely blame Cas for anything, including the things he’s done wrong, because no he didn’t and you can’t prove it. But he especially didn’t do anything wrong when Jack killed Mary, and he didn’t do anything wrong by killing Belphagor. But by the middle of the season, in the episode “The Trap,” Dean admits his wrongdoing in taking his anger out on Cas, one of the only people who loves him without conditions. You’d think this would be a defining moment of character progression, but then Dean chooses to act exactly the same way by throwing Jack under the bus. Like, throwing him harder, under a bigger bus. So what was the point.

Anyway, those are choices the writers made, and not Dean.

Going back to what I was saying about being neurodivergent, Dean has adhd. I know this because I have adhd, and I’m Dean-coded. He’s wildly creative, impulsive, has a touch of OCD, and he has a hard time making long-lasting friends, although this is mostly due to how all his friends die. His best friend is an autistic angel and the only reason they’re still friends is because they’re obsessed with each other, in like a really unhealthy way. One of the funny things about his and Cas’s relationship is that every time you see them in the same shot, Cas is standing perfectly still and Dean is constantly moving. They are almost complete opposites, aside from their queerness and neurodivergence. But then, I haven’t met a single queer person in my entire life who isn’t neurodivergent or disabled in some way. That doesn’t mean we can’t live perfectly functional and normal lives, it just means we’re better than everyone else.  

Dean also exhibits black and white thinking—to him all felons are redeemable and all monsters should be killed. Felons are redeemable because he himself is a felon, and monsters should be killed because they all do monstrous things. When faced with the possibility of angels being real, he refuses to believe it for the first two episodes, because, as he says, “he’s never seen one.” Eventually he learns how to see in shades of grey and not kill every monster he meets, but this is because of his time in purgatory with Benny, his Cajun vampire boyfriend.

Another sign of Dean’s ADHD is physical sensitivity. In the season one episode “Bugs,” he comments on the shower’s water pressure. Like it’s a big deal to him, when he’s only ever used 1-star motel room showers. In the later seasons, he’s also seen to wear a fluffy robe and soft pajamas with hotdogs on them and socks that say “Send Noods” but noods spelt like noodles. And so he should! Dean deserves comfort! He’s a special boy.

ADHDers often have problems with executive function—remembering appointments, cleaning up after ourselves, showering, eating, even going to the toilet when we need to pee. The hunting life excludes Dean from the normal functions of usual life, such as dentist appointments, dropping the kids off at school, meal prepping for the week, or turning up to a job on time. These were only factors in Dean’s life during the gap between seasons 5 and 6 when he lived with Lisa and Ben, and it’s not shown how his executive dysfunction impacted his suburban, settled life, but Lisa does mention that Dean drinks a lot. It’s another thing he inherited from John, much as I did my alcoholism from my father, and my adhd too. But Sam doesn’t drink to excess more than a handful of times over the entire 15 seasons, whereas Dean subsists on alcohol to get through the day. At one point in season 11, I’m pretty sure, don’t fact check me, he is shown to be drinking a beer at about 10 in the morning, because, as he says to Sam, “You drank all the coffee. What do you want me to do? Drink water?” Dean your liver must be quaking.

Excess is a common problem for people with ADHD. We have problems with limiting ourselves—because our dopamine machine broke, anything that gives us a little bit of high—such as sugar, sex, alcohol, stimulants, any kind of food that is bad for us but tastes real good—we usually have it in excess because we can’t help ourselves. In the season 4 episode “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” Dean eats the entirety of the candy in the Impala. The only reasons I don’t eat everything in my fridge every day is because, one, I don’t have the money, and two, it’s all ingredients I have to prepare and not ready-made food. Whereas Dean has only known fast food for the first 10 or so seasons until he starts cooking and baking and settling into domesticity. Like anyone who gets UberEats every day instead of cooking for themselves knows how expensive that is. He also engages in meaningless sex, although people have pointed that Sam actually gets more on screen action than Dean. But I know a lot of amab people who engage in casual sex with randos because it satisfies a base need. Dean could be classified as hypersexual in some regards, but I know what hypersexuality feels like and it’s like this overwhelming miasma where you can’t think about anything except how horny you are, and I don’t think Dean has that normally. Maybe when he was a demon in season 10, but generally I think he can control himself.

His settled life in the men of letters Bunker is a far cry from his flashbacks in season 8 to Purgatory. From what we know of purgatory, the land of gods and monsters, it was a year-long monster hunt, but without any of the boring paperwork. Dean got to fight and kill as many vampires, ghouls, leviathan, etc as came his way, which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he died by rebar in a vampire fight. He spent an entire year spilling blood and chopping off heads, day and night, and he dies by metal bar to the spine? And he’s not even coughing up blood? Andrew Dabb, I’m coming for you. Of course purgatory is the perfect place for Dean because it’s constant adrenaline, constant excitement, constant stimulation, which is what every day life lacks. Even Dean’s every day life is like, 20% monster killing and the rest is leg work. They go weeks or months between cases, and sometimes don’t find the monster at all. So I’m not surprised he gets bored easily and drinks. Would if I could too, my pal.

Which leads me onto Dwelling. Dean dwells on the horrors of his life in a way I do and my carefree older brothers don’t. In the season 4 episode “Heaven and Hell,” he reveals to Sam that he remembers his entire forty years in hell, and there are flashes of his memory littered throughout the season in creepy, split-second increments. He dwells on the people who die, doing his thousand-yard stare into the funeral pyre of everyone they cremate. In the most egregious display of dwelling, he rewrites history TWICE to deal with his grief — in season 8 he makes himself believe that it was his fault Cas didn’t come back from purgatory with him, and again in season 13 he invents the story of Jack controlling Cas to deal with his grief over Cas’s death. His PTSD twists the truth until it becomes another way to torture himself, because if someone gets hurt it’s on him; everyone who loves him is just one more person to disappoint.

On a lighter note, Hyperfixations, equivalent to Autism special interests, are a common trait of ADHD. Some of Dean’s hyperfixations include: hunting in general; cowboys and cowboy movies; the musical Rent; the movie Braveheart; larping. He loves dressing up and acting, and what is putting on a monkey suit and lying about being a Fed if not larping? Oh god the meta of that coupled with the season 4 episode “The Monster At The End Of This Book” is making my head hurt. And actually, the next episode of Holy Hell is on the subject of meta-textuality so stick around if that’s something you enjoy.

One of the amazing things about ADHD is creativity. Since we’re easily bored and easily amused, we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of our curiosity. In season three episode “Bloodlust,” Dean decapitates a vampire with a miter saw, something that even veteran vampire hunter Gordon Walker comments is a thing of beauty. Dean creates a Ma’lak box in season 14 episode “Damaged Goods” as a way to contain Michael if he ever inhabits Dean’s body again. Dean is always making up words like “were-pire” and “Jefferson Starships,” and he has an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of pop culture, which he references in almost every line of dialogue. Like tv and movies raised me, but even I don’t understand a lot of his references. It’s almost like he’s a character in a tv show being written by dozens of people. But that’s not right. He’s a real person and my friend. My friend Dean Winchester, who shouts me burgers and passes out on my couch.

Also, I’m bragging now but as of the day of writing this I got my ADHD diagnosis and it feels so good to have a doctor, a psychiatrist in fact, confirm my belief. After about three or four years of figuring out I have adhd and then trying to make everyone else believe me when I say I do, it feels like a huge weight off. Dean deserved to feel that. He deserves to put a name to his differences and be in charge of his life instead of letting his anger, confusion and impulses control him. If anyone is worried that you might have something and don’t know whether to pursue a diagnosis, my two cents are that it has only improved my life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder in 2014 and it allowed me to go on medication, which snapped me out of the worst period of anxiety I have ever gone through and also a psychotic episode that featured talking walls and a swarm of Christmas beetles. Trust me, we all need help sometimes, and some people like me need more help than others, but you can take control of the forces in your life that hold you back. As my mother used to say to me when I was a child, the world is your oyster. It really fucking does get better, and since I started on the right anti-depressants for me my life has improved so goddamn much. The world is fucked right now, and it’s impossible to even function on most levels. We all need therapy. I myself have a gp, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist and they keep me relatively sane. I would not be alive if I didn’t have years and years of ongoing therapy and good drugs. Plus I journal everyday and practice gratitude. I’m still crazy but the craziness is contained and doesn’t hurt me anymore.

Despite never going to therapy, Dean grows from being a loner with one friend (his own brother) to someone with a wealth of connections and family. He picks up new people to love like he’s velcro, and when he goes in he goes all in. He would die for the people he loves. He’s constantly putting himself in danger to protect his loved ones. In the Season 6 episode “Let It Bleed,” Dean captures and tortures demons in an effort to find out where Crowley took Lisa and Ben. He then has Cas wipe their memories so that they don’t remember him and can live their lives without him, at his own great distress. In season 5, he goes to Stull Cemetery to impinge on the fight between Lucifer and Michael, just to be there for Sam. As Dean says, he’s “not going to let him die alone.”

That being said, I do have to talk about Dean’s very few, but ultimately life-ruining, flaws. His emotional dysregulation makes his moods unpredictable at best. By virtue of his black and white thinking, he forces the people he loves to choose sides between him and other characters, such as Sam and Ruby, Cas and Crowley, Mary and the british men of letters, and Cas and Jack, and when they don’t choose him, he passively aggressively, and sometimes just aggressively, tortures them until something else usurps their betrayal. His anger issues are par to none, and often get him in a lot of trouble. But since he is the main character, he never really faces consequences for this, and neither does he mature. Even in the final season episode “The Trap,” while Dean admits how angry he is and how wrong he was for taking it out on Cas when Jack died, mere episodes later in “Unity” he turns Jack into a nuclear reactor to take out God, and Jack dies again. His characterisation in the last few seasons, especially in regards to Jack, is all over the place. I would have to start a murderboard to explain how Dean feels about Jack and how he reacts to what Jack does in every episode. Like, pictures and red string and everything. And even then I would not be able to comprehend exactly what the writers did and what they thought they were doing.

But unlike me, Dean always believes the best in people until proven otherwise, and he does always come around to the people who atone for their sins. Even when Sam refuses to get his soul back in season 6, Dean keeps trying until Sam is put right. Between seasons 7 and 8, He spends a year in Purgatory looking for Cas despite how Cas sent Sam insane, ingested billions of monster souls, and became God. When the people he loves choose him, he chooses them back.

But even when they betray him, lie to him, deceive him, and hurt the other people in his life, he can’t stop loving them. He never stops loving Sam or Cas or Jack or Mary or John or Bobby. He loves with everything he has. He is, as Cas says, a being of love.

Oof. That was a lot of words and I feel like I only just scratched the surface. Like realistically I just talked about fambily and ADHD. There is just so much to Dean Winchester that maybe I’ll make another episode sometime. But I am definitely making an episode purely about Dean’s gender presentation and sexuality in the future. You can find the show at holyhellpod on Tumblr where I post transcripts for the episodes and Instagram where I post memes.

I don’t see myself doing an episode about Sam any time soon, Not because I don’t like Sam, but because I can’t stand Jared Padalecki. He’s done some things that I can’t support, and I’m really bad at separating the art from the artist. Especially when it’s something like Supernatural, which is not art. Supernatural is an experiment. It’s not Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. Like Jared Padalecki didn’t invent rock and roll, you know what I’m saying? However, if you really want me to do an episode about Sam, you can pay me 101 Australian dollars and 50 Australian cents at patreon.com/holyhellpod. I’ll talk to you next time.

Links

http://www.scififantasynetwork.com/dean-winchester-has-adhd/

#supernatural #spn #supernatural podcast #dean winchester #holyhellpod #transcripts

[dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad]

season 6 thoughts

hey quick question why the FUCK did you start with that

like on the one hand i’m glad that now i know what happened right after the end of “that’s too much man!”. on the other hand… ow

the mountain bojack climbs is called “metaphor mountain” God bless Lisa Hanawalt

i LOVE the way the episodes are framed… like you get one flashback to bojack drinking and you think that was the first time then it’s like NOPE he was even younger

CINDY CRAWFISH AKSHDJDSF

AND BABY BOJACK SNUGGLING UP TO HIS MOTHER… TRYING TO FEEL AN EMBRACE SHE WOULD NEVER GIVE… CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB

WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS NEW INTRO

AND THE WAY IT HAS ALL THOSE FLASHBACK SCENES BUT IT STILL ENDS WITH HIM FALLING INTO THE POOL AND DIANE AND PEANUTBUTTER CHECKING TO SEE IF HES OK AND THEN HES JSUT LOUNGING IN HIS APPLE SHORTS;;; it’s just,, he’s going back home in the end, going back to the place where he started, as if everything will go back to the way it was before and he’ll find himself stuck in the same cycles he tried so hard to escape… all im saying is, i dont think this season is gonna end well

and how it dwells on his past, everything he did wrong, all the most heartwrenching moments, and there aren’t any changes to the intro (as far as i could tell) until episode 8… nothing changes if all you do is look back.

I am LOVING the Mr. Peanutbutter we’re getting this season. I was never really attached to him before; it’s not that I hated him, just that I liked all the other main characters better. and now that they’ve had him do something really bad and reckon with that,, he’s plumbing new depths, exploring those dark places, questioning if he’s truly as happy as he says he is

and bonding with bojack??? who would have guessed

bojack keeps giving advice that is, at best, the kind he doesn’t follow himself, and at worst, bringing others down into the well of self-pity that he’s been stuck in the whole series

Someone give Princess Carolyn a break…

SHE NAMED HER DAUGHTER RUTHIE IM CRYING

Guy seems like a cool guy but I feel like they’re setting him up to seem nice so that it’s more surprising when it’s revealed he’s not. I’m probably being too suspicious, but also we don’t know much of the details about his divorce, do we? Lakeith Stanfield's great tho

EPISODE 4 WAS COMEDY GOLD

The return of Queefburglar69

I WANNA WRAP PICKLES UP IN A BLANKET LIKE A BURRITO AND TELL HER EVERYTHINGS OKAY

Oh man Pickles talking about how her subscribers will always be there for her… like… it’s not one person, it’s a cloud of people, the contents and shape of which changes, might even be completely different and unrecognizable from one year to the next, but they’re all still there as this nebulous support system. and it reminded me of what bojack said to young sarah lynn about how her fans are the only things she can count on

Todd is babey.

Also him wearing the ace colors under his hoodie!!

I knew Diane’s rationale for going to chicago was bullshit. she said it makes her feel good, but “it doesn’t matter where you are, it’s who you are,” and she still dwells on her bad feelings and hates herself just as much in chicago as she did in LA. moving somewhere else isn’t necessarily gonna change those tendencies, she has to work on it herself.

OH MAN AND WHEN BOJACK GETS DR CHAMP DRUNK AGAIN… THROWING THE BOTTLE OUT THE WINDOW WAS A WAY TO AVOID RUINING ANOTHER LIFE AND HE ENDS UP DOING THE EXACT THING HE HOPED HE WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN

was honestly kinda hoping that Dr Champ was just pretending he got drunk to show how bad bojack could get if he relapsed but at the end when he was like “stay…” that’s how i knew that shit was real.

todd is so fucking stupid i love him

ngl am kinda disappointed that todd’s confirmed white, cause i’ve kinda been picturing him as latino for a long time and i know rbw said he doesn’t want to alienate latino viewers who relate to todd. but it makes a  lot of sense, cause he always gets away with stupid shit and gets to the top of things without even having to try just because he knows a guy. and maybe the reason he’s so positive all the time is because it’s so easy for him to be, he never has to worry about shit bc of the privilege his whiteness affords him. also I love that we got to learn more about his backstory

THE CONTRAST BTWN “all the shitty things I did that I can barely even remember because I was high or drunk or it was thirty years ago” and “I remember everything. I’m sober now.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!

sharona sounds like a cross btwn princess carolyn and margo martindale

I have… mixed feelings about the haircut

Oh man Mr. Peanutbutter had a moment… he finally got that crossover episode… I was kinda hoping for a joke that went “Mr. Peanutbutter and BoJack Horseman in the same room? What is this, Philbert?” or “What is this, a short-lived show on a streaming network that got canceled because the star got addicted to painkillers and strangled his costar in a drugged haze?” but this is SO MUCH BETTER. I've never seen him cry before and the way he reacts to himself crying suggests that maybe he’s never cried before at all, and that’s why he just keeps laughing, almost like it’s forced, cause this is supposed to be his happiest moment and it’s not supposed to make him so sad. fucking,, character development

and the cold open of ep 8… you can forgive yourself and move on from your past wrongs but it doesn’t erase the things you did, the effects they have on people, and the trauma they’ve suffered. and then like, how can you forgive yourself if they never forgive you? how do you maintain that balance? why should you move forward if they can’t?

its weird to have an episode consisting entirely of guest stars but it also illustrates the extensive world they’ve built and i applaud that… also where the fuck is ana spanakopita

GINA RETURNS!!! HELL YEAH

her quote about not wanting to be defined by what bojack did to her has always stuck with me, and i feel like now, that quote has sort of come true. like, her saying that made us avoid reducing her to what happened to her, and thats why i wanted to see her come back this season, hopefully moving past it. but she can’t. it traumatized her. and everyone can see the effects of it but she feels like she can’t come forward, cause if she does she’ll be punished. shit like that changes you.

and it’s another instance on the show where someone chooses to advance their career & preserve their reputation over doing the right thing (like what bojack does with herb & sharona), but bojack does it out of self-interest, and gina does it so she doesn’t have to relive her trauma every time she gets interviewed or recognized by a fan. but even when she keeps quiet about it she’s still reliving her trauma

noah fence but what a waste of the once-per-season fuck word. youre really gonna use it in an episode IN WHICH BOJACK DOES NOT EVEN APPEAR, and not only that, but RECYCLE AN OLD SENTENCE FROM A PREVIOUS EPISODE

netflix places no limits on a show’s use of the fuck word (i think), so… fingers crossed for something better in the second part?

OH MY GOD PETE REPEAT INTRODUCED HIMSELF AS PETER ITS ALMOST LIKE HES TRYING TO FORGET THAT TIME & THAT PERSON HE WAS (im probably reading into it too much, I’m sure it’s mostly so we wouldn’t figure out who it was immediately. maybe im just like the kid with the coffee cup.)

and just… ppl describe this show as “family guy or the simpsons except the protagonist faces consequences for his actions” but bojack has gotten away with everything.

you ever just like… you ever watch a scene and feel the cliffhanger vibes creeping up and you just know it’s gonna end there and leave you unsatisfied and begging for more but at the same time that’s what makes it such a good place to end it. that was me with this. (and also the ending of undone)

the thing about this show is, it illustrates what it’s like to be a toxic person. and sure, he has it hard, but the show never asserts that he has it any worse than his victims, even if bojack himself does so. and he only does it so he can feel better about himself. he deserves a reckoning, he needs to pay for his bad deeds. but then, when you know what made him this way and what goes on inside his mind and that he wants to get better, it makes you feel for him, and forces you to ask if he deserves to get better and forgive himself and move forward. but even if he does, it doesn’t change the things he did. it doesn’t fix the lives he’s ruined.

anyway sound off if you think bojack’s gonna die at the end. hopefully not by suicide

#long post #bojack horseman #diane nguyen #todd chavez #princess carolyn #mr. peanutbutter #pickles aplenty #pete repeat #bojack horseman season 6 spoilers #doctor champ #sarah lynn #gina cazador #horsin' around #mr. peanutbutter's house #netflix #raphael bob-waksberg #lisa hanawalt #phoebe talks #mine

[creativeskullcreations]

Outside chapter 19: Infiltration

And that puts everyone inside. Up next the others wake up, to varying reactions at their situations. Wonder who actually made it to Riley for "orientation"...

"So why am I here again?" Sammy asked as Stacy drove, following Lisa's van. Will was in behind her in his car, and Mason was riding with Lisa.

"Your weed. And also because I'll stop blackmailing you if you do this with us." Stacy told him.

"I still don't see why you can't ask someone else to do this." He grumbled. "This is why you need friends."

"Thanks, Sammy." She said, only half sarcastically as they all pulled into the parking lot. "That means a lot coming from the friendless stoner."

"Hey! I have friends!" He protested as they climbed out of the car. "Lots of friends!"

"And I have a boyfriend. You can't even get a one-night-stand, you useless virgin." She mocked. Sammy fumed, turning to said boyfriend.

"Will, your girlfriend's insulting my virginity!" He complained. Will just sighed and started pulling things out of the the trunk.

"Well stop being a virgin, then." Will told him bluntly. Stacy burst out laughing while her cousin turned red in the face.  Lisa popped her head out from the van at the commotion.

"Oooh! Are we taking Sammy's virginity tonight too?" She asked cheerily, and Sammy gagged, even as he handed over his bag of joints. The blonde started pulling them out of the bag, passing them to everyone except Stacy. The one armed woman instead climbed into the van and locked the doors while the other four lit the joints and started smoking.

Stacy watched, safe inside the van, as the others climbed through the tiny window leading into the studio. 'This is a bad idea.' She swallowed dryly, pulling her knees up to her chest and staring, unblinking, out the windshield. 'A really bad idea.' She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath-

-----

Will led the group in, needing to keep a tight grip on Sammy's arm to keep him from wandering. The poor guy had smoked way more than the others in an attempt to get high faster, but just ended up being higher than everyone else. Will, on the other hand, had only smoked a little, so he could be more alert if needed. So far, however, it just seemed like one long hallway with some posters.

Until they reached the lobby, anyways. Old VHS tapes littered the floor and shelves, and there was a brightly painted puppet stage ahead of them. Will took notice of the suited Puppet "on" the stage and the bored looking masked man sitting behind it. With a brief hesitation, he pulled Sammy over to it Lisa and Mason following behind them. All four were startled when red curtains slammed down, completely surrounding them and blocking any kind of escape.

"Well hello there, what a large gathering!" The old man looking Puppet suddenly sprang to life. Everyone jumped again, turning to face him. "What brings all of you to this strange scene?"

Nobody got a chance to answer, as he jut kept on talking. "Now, I can tell you're starstruck, and of course you should be! Because I am none other than Mortimer Handee!"

At the back of the group, somebody clapped. Will wasn't sure who he wanted to punch more, the clapper behind him or the Puppet in front of him. "Ah, is that a fan I hear? Come right up to the front, my dear!"

Lisa stepped forward, an almost giddy smile on her face that Will wasn't sure was because of the weed, or good acting. "I used to watch your show all the time when I was a kid!" She blurted out cheerfully. "It is an honor to finally meet you!"

"Holy shit she's talking to a Puppet. Will. Will! She's talking to a puppet!" Sammy "whispered", shaking Will's shoulder. Will just sighed tiredly.

'I don't think I'm high enough for this.' He watched as Lisa excitedly chattered at Mortimer, who listened politely as she explained her favorite episode. Sammy was still shaking him and whispering, while poor Mason was so out of it he was just staring into space with wide, unblinking eyes. 'Or maybe everyone else is too high for this.'

"Well this is all very interesting, I must agree. But I need to get back to my work you see." Between the humans and Puppet, and pedestal with five small wooden stands rose from the floor. Four of them held small puppets the same size as Scout, though with different colors and hair styles. "So why don't you each take your very own Handeeman Handpuppet to your name? Doesn't matter which you choose, they're all the same."

"Oooh, this one's cute!" Lisa snatched up the one with yellow skin and orange hair, fitting it on her hand. Mason did the same with the orange and green one, leaving two for him and Sammy.

Will looked at his options. The one in the middle looked a bit roughed up, and had a drooping, almost sad face where the others had more neutral ones. It made him wonder just what had happened to her, and with as much gentleness as he could he picked her up and pulled her on. Sammy did the same with the blue-skinned redhead.

Mortimer watched this all silently, until everyone had put on a puppet. "You know," he started, "there's a reason Handeemen Puppets are so lifelike and true." His voice dropped in volume, and Will could almost swear he felt the Puppet on his hand twitch in response. "When you wear them, they really wear you."

The area around them went dark as he recited a spell of some sort, practically screaming it. Will's friends dropped to the floor one by one, twitching and jerking around. Will himself did his best to resist, but soon his vision darkened, and he was out before he even hit the floor.

A few seconds later Mortimer finished his spell, and the Handpuppets opened their eyes. Slowly and carefully, they pulled themselves and their new Hosts up off the floor. "The spell went well with no complications." He informed them coolly once they were all standing. "Report to Riley right away for orientation."

Not trusting themselves to speak, the Handpuppets just nodded and hurried from the room with their Hosts. The second they were sure they were out of earshot, Bonzai almost cheered.

"I can't believe how lucky we got!" He half-shouted, only to be shushed by two of his sisters. "What a bunch of idiots!"

"Bonzai quiet! Not while Mortimer's still near!" Stitch scolded, covering his mouth. "At least rhyme while there's still a possibility he could hear!"

"Fine, I'll make the stupid rhymes." He grumbled, pulling away and crossing his arms. Forcing the Host to walk was harder than he'd thought it would be, the legs moving stiffly and the arm kept threatening to droop down and drop him to the floor. Bonzai hated to admit it, but he'd be happy once the stitches were in. He only hoped he didn't have a Host with lupus, like Scout had gotten once.

'Scout...' The thought made him pause, briefly, letting his sisters go on ahead. According to Daisy, Scout had actually been rescued, but they hadn't been allowed to see her yet. 'If I ever find the Host that stole her, I'll kill it myself!' He punched his palm, then looked up to see his sisters had gone on without him.

This was bad, as this was his first ever Host, and he honestly didn't know where to go for orientation. True, he could always go back and ask Mortimer, but that way led to death if the others were to be believed. So he did the only thing he could do and continued to haphazardly trudge along, hoping he found where he was meant to go soon.

Walking down the dark halls in silence was almost creepy for a Puppet that hated silence. So he hummed, quietly so as not to attract the attention of the Socks. But it was boring and he still couldn't find where he needed to go.

"Ugh, how'd this even happen, anyways?!" He leaned his Host against the wall awkwardly. "C'mon guys, where'd ya go?" He sighed, feeling the urge to swear. He resisted it, knowing what could happen if someone heard. A few seconds later, he heard footsteps and straightened up. Hopefully it was someone who could help him.

And it seemed to be, at first, Stitch walking her Host to go find him. He very nearly cheered, until he noticed that the hand she'd been on was hanging at the Host's side, and she wasn't on the other one. Instead the hand was wrapped around her torso, pressing her against the Host's chest. The eyes on the Host were wide open and focused, too. As it approached him, and he wondered if he should run for help, it raised a finger to it's lips and quietly shushed him.

"We have to be very quiet, okay?" It told him as it grabbed his Host's arm. He noticed Stitch had been tied up, some sort of string wrapped all around her, and something shoved in her mouth as a gag. She stared at him with wide, frightened eyes, silently begging him to run. "If you make a noise I'll tie you up too, until Mason wakes up. And if you try to run, you won't get far before that happens."

Bonzai felt it tug on his Host's arm, and obediently followed as it led him back down the hallway. He felt terrified and pissed off, but knowing his younger sister was in danger kept him from acting. There was no telling what this Host could do to either of them, and if it was right about his Host waking up...

He really hoped they came across the others before that happened.

-----

She woke with a start, jolting upright in the driver's seat of the van. Beside her was a wide array of guns. 'Will's guns.' She realized, which meant Will was probably nearby. 'Or,' she took note of the familiar brick building out the window, 'they went inside.'

She practically kicked the door open, wobbling away from it all on unsteady legs. She only got a few feet before she collapsed. Pushing herself up on shaky arms, she choked out a sob.

'I don't want to be here I don't want to go back in there no no no no' A few more sobs, tears running down her cheeks into the dirt. She watched them fall, sniffling and wiping her face with her sleeve. She sat up, looking between the Studio and the road to her eternal freedom.

She could leave, she realized as she shakily stood up. It would be easy, and nobody would blame her. Nobody would even know. She didn't even have to go home, she could make a new life far away from here. Find new friends, maybe even somebody like Will and start a family.

But then the others would still be trapped. Possibly forever.

And then there's what Mortimer was planning...

With a hard, dry swallow, she stood up and went back over to the van, reaching in and grabbing a pistol. She checked that it was loaded, then shoved some more clips into her pockets. Grabbing the keys just in case, she closed the van up and made her way to the open window. It took some effort(she still wasn't used to weak arms and having legs), but eventually she managed to pull herself inside.

Peering through the open door, she only saw a long hall with posters from the show. Taking a deep breath and clutching the pistol, Scout stepped through and began her search.

-----

Stacy stared at the lid of the puppet box, glowering at it like that would help her. She had a pretty good idea of what had happened, but knew nothing beyond that. She had no clue where she was in the Studio, or how the plan was progressing, or anything.

She sighed, quietly. 'Not like I can really blame her for this. I'd have done the same.'

She listened, but could hear nothing beyond the box. And she was still tied up, so she couldn't open the lid herself. So she just laid there quietly, wondering. At least until she heard heavy footsteps and low voices speaking in rhyme.

'Hurry up Will!' She thought as she struggled against her bindings again. She had no clue what they were planning, but the longer they spoke, the less she wanted to find out. When the lid of the box started to open she closed her eyes and went limp, feigning unconsciousness.

She just hoped that would be enough to stave off whatever they wanted to do to her.

#hello puppets #fanfiction #outside #scout #stacy stein #will carson #Lisa Montgomery #Mason Kamiya #canon #tig ol bitties #bonzai #stitch #mortimer handee #Sammy Davis

[castielstiddies]

Okay so I'm balling over this goddamn song and destiel and I need to let you all know why so here it is: An Analysis of the Lyrics and Why They Fit Destiel Perfectly.

I just want to point out that Andrew Rannells (Whizzer) and Christian Borle (Marvin) perform this perfectly and I love them.

This is a very long post so be warned before you press that button.

It's important to have context so we can connect these two pairings together properly and bring more meaning out of this song like it deserves. So the main part of the synopsis says:

"Marvin, after Whizzer’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Whizzer has changed his life. Whizzer’s spirit come back, dressed as he was in the first scene, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."

Now let me just change some words here and we'll see how we all feel:

"Dean, after Cas’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Cas has changed his life. Cas’s spirit come back, dressed in his trenchcoat, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."

Are you crying yet? Don't worry we haven't even seen the lyrics yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"[MARVIN]" Now I'd like to start off by saying that Marvin has been with both men and women and he's struggled with his own internalized homophobia and has found it difficult to openly love Whizzer throughout the show. The parallels are clear between Marvin and Dean.

"What would I do If I had not met you?" You can think of this two ways. One - What would Dean have done if Cas had not met him in Hell and saved him? Still getting tortured or more likely torturing others, an experience that he hated and wished to never live through again. The second (and I think better) way to think of this line is, when Dean met Cas on earth. How meeting Cas changed his life forever, opening him up to a whole new world of having someone who thought that he deserved to be saved and who gave up an entire army for him. Who proved his love and loyalty to him time and time again. So what would Dean have done if he had never met Cas on Earth? What if Cas never reached out to him after saving Dean from Hell? A little bit later in this verse Marvin sings...

"There are no answers"

...in regards to this question. Because there really are no answers to what would Dean have done without Cas because we simply can't imagine it. The same goes for Dean. Cas has changed his life so much that it's impossible to imagine what his life would be like without Cas.

"Who would I blame my life on?" When Christian Borle delivers this line on stage it's said with a small, sad laugh. Similar to how Dean uses humour to hide his feelings, Marvin does too.

"Once I was told That all men get what they deserve Who the hell then threw this curve?" Despite everything Cas has done wrong, Dean and all of us know that Cas did not get what he deserved when the Empty took him. We believe he deserved to be happy with Dean and Dean thinks so too.

"There are no answers But who would I be If you had not been my friend?" The word 'friend' here is what really ties it to Dean for me because they were friends first, they helped eachother through thick and thin before love started to seep in as well. Sure there was attraction from the beginning but it's about the fact that Dean's only shown to have one true, close best friend, and that's Cas.

"You're the only one One out of a thousand others Only one my child would allow" Alright so this line I did struggle to link to destiel, I was thinking about Jack and Claire but they're Cas's children. But what if we think of the 'child' as Sam. Dean raised Sam so it's easy to see him as his 'child' and it's important to Dean that Sam accepts the people that he's friends with. This is even more important with Cas because Dean may want to have a relationship with him in the future and also Cas lives in the bunker... with them. Dean definitaly needs Sam's permission if he wants Cas to live in their home. It's clear that Cas and Sam are the people Dean cares about the most and to have Sam 'allow' Cas to stay in their home and share their space is something that's really important to Dean.

"When I'm having fun You're the one I wanna talk to" Cue every gif of Dean smiling while hanging out with Cas or talking to Cas over the phone.

"Where have you been?" Where has Cas been for all of Dean's life? He completes Dean, builds up his self-confidence and assures him that he is wanted, needed and important. Just where has Cas been for all of Dean's life?

"Where are you now? So on this note there's a beautiful key change into the next part and it just makes it so much more profound. (Also Dean has no gosh darn clue where Cas is, who tf is the Empty?)

"Who would I be If I had not loved you?" This moment is fucking beautiful. It's Dean finally speaking his truth and telling Cas, wherever he is, that he loved him. He loved Cas and that changed him for the better, made him into the person he is today.

"How would I know what love is?" Dean has never been told so openly and honestly by anyone about how he is important, he's worthwhile and that he deserves to live a happy and full life, no one has done that besides Cas. No one has shown their loyalty and love to him in the most blatant and profound ways possible, giving up an entire army, rebelling against their own family, sticking by his side no matter what. Staying. How would Dean know what true love is without Cas constantly showing him what love means and what it feels like be loved fully and truly. Of course Dean has experienced love before, he's been in at least 2 other relationships (that I can think of off of the top of my head) but he's never felt love like the way he does with Cas.

"God only knows, too soon I'll remember your faults Meanwhile, though, it's tears and schmaltz" Of course as Dean relives memories of Cas, he'll be reminded of all of his faults, all of the things he did wrong even when he thought that what he was doing was right (Leviathians, Lucifer). But for now, Dean will breakdown and cry and grieve but most of all he'll remember Cas and how much he loved him.

"[WHIZZER]" Alright so Whizzer is a character who has never been shy about his sexuality, about how much he likes being with men. Similar to Cas who simply doesn't understand why people hide who they're attracted to until Dean came along and taught him differently.

"All your life you've wanted men" I like to think that this line applies to both Cas and Dean and I'll explore that with the next two lines.

"And when you got it up to have them Who knew it could end your life?" This is getting a bit meta now. When Dean was so very close to finally speaking his truth on screen, he died. (And in some versions he does speak his truth but that's another story). There was no reason for Dean to die in the finale, who knew that when he finally shared that he loved another man he would be killed for no reason two episodes later.

This line can also be in reference to Cas's experience. When Cas was finally able to tell Dean that he loved him, when he finally gained to courage to not only share his feelings but also to have his happiness ripped away from him, he died. Dean and Cas both knew what was going to happen when Cas said those words. It wasn't a surprise, yet it still felt like one.

"[MARVIN] I left my kid and left my wife" This is the moment when I could not stop crying and thinking about destiel when listening to this song. Dean left Lisa and (totally not) his son in season 5.

"To be with you" Of course it's a little bit of a stretch to say that Dean left Lisa and Ben solely for Cas (expecially since I think Dean realised his love for Cas in Season 7-8 so the timeline wouldn't make sense for me) but I like to think of this line from the perspective of Dean grieving Cas and looking back on how Cas changed his life. Of course he would remember that he left Lisa and Ben in order to be with Cas because that was 10 years ago and the memory is now muddled with grief, time and his now unwavering love for Cas. "To be insulted by such handsome men" This line just reminds me of the scene in the car when Cas and Dean are arguing (you know what I'm on about)

"[WHIZZER] Do you regret—?" Cas is asking Dean, do you regret loving me? Do you regret letting me into your life? Do you regret our friendship? It's beautiful to think that Cas feels vulnerable in this moment, he thinks that Dean regrets letting him into his life.

"[MARVIN] I'd do it again I'd like to believe that I'd do it again And again and again..." Now Dean's the one to build Cas back up, to assure him that he does not regret a thing. He's building up Cas's confidence and supporting him just like Cas has been doing for Dean.

"And What more can I say? [WHIZZER] What more can I say?" They're both lost for words, what do they say now? They know that they love eachother and they know that they won't be able to be together because of Cas's deal. What do you say in that situation?

"[MARVIN] How am I to face tomorrow?" Dean still has to continue living, without Cas. In 15x19 he's drowning himself in beer as he grieves the loss of Cas. How can he face tomorrow after Cas has confessed his love for him and then died in a matter of minutes? How can he face tomorrow knowing that saying that he loves Dean, that by having Dean know that someone loves him, is the happiest moment Cas has ever felt?

"[BOTH] After being screwed out of today" Haha screw...

"Tell me what's in store" They're still looking to eachother for guidance and support despite the distance between them.

"[MARVIN] Yes, I'd beg or steal or borrow" Dean's turning to things that he can control in order to deal with his grief. Despite the finale ending I think it's widely accepted in the Destiel fandom that Dean would work night and day until he got Cas back from the empty.

"If I could hold you for One hour more [WHIZZER] One hour more [MARVIN] One hour more [WHIZZER] One hour more [BOTH] One hour, one hour more" Now that they know that they both love eachother, that they could have had everything they wanted if they just told one another. They're begging all of the higher powers that there are that they could enjoy what could have been for one hour. Simply relishing in the fact that they are happy and in love and that they are both wanted.

"[MARVIN] What would I do [WHIZZER] What would I do [MARVIN] If I had not seen you? [WHIZZER] If I had not seen you? [BOTH] Who would I feast my eyes on?" Once again I'm just thinking about the idea of that 'one hour more' and how they would constantly compliment one another and freely look at each other without shame or embarrassment and to just allow themselves to have everything that they wanted.

"Once I was told That good men get better with age [MARVIN] We're just gonna skip that stage" This can be seen two ways, one is that Cas simply cannot age and Dean is once again using humour to hide his grief. Or my favourite version which is that Dean never got to grow old with Cas, (I strongly believe that Cas would allow his vessel to grow old with Dean). Dean wanted to live a normal life, he wanted to get a job and stop hunting but most of all he wanted to grow old with Cas.

If you watch the live version of this song here: https://youtu.be/ZscL4LOLP7Y

You'll hear how Christian Borle's voice cracks when delivering this line. The rest of the lyrics are repeats of lines that I've already covered.

And I'm done boys. Thank you for sticking with this very very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere.

I highly recommend watching Falsettos for yourself if you want to get a better insight into how Marvin/Whizzer and Destiel compare or if you just like the look of it.

#Destiel #Deancas

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House Season 5 Catchup (Blinded by Science, Band Together, Season’s Cheatings, A Flipmas Carol) or Of Mutants, Medicority, Merryment and Money

Merry Christmas everybody! And it’s Christmas Week so expect christmas out the jingle jangle for the next few days. And starting us off is something long overdue as coverage of the Loud House FINALLY resumes just in time for christmas. Yes it’s been over a month since the last episode and while i’ve covered two holiday episodes since then, I haven’t gotten back to season 4 despite, like Ducktales and Amphibia, it being on my roster. The answer why: I had a ton of comissions coming in, and other projects going on including ducktales coverage, so I kept putting off banned together/blinded by science for weeks.. until they coldied right into Season’s Cheatings and a flipmas carol. So yeah this one’s way too late and I will TRY not to have this happen again. I can’t promise they’ll be same day of or right on time as unlike Disney and Cartoon Network who are really good about putting their stuff on the app same day or that morning or streaming services which I own so.. yeah, Nick likes to take their sweet time sometimes and isn’t as steady with their release schedule. It’s why I ended up deciding not to do regular coverage of the casagrandes, though don’t be suprise if it shows up here on occasion as I sitll like it quite a bit. Nick is just a pain in the ass to deal with. Point is it’s here now and in time for the holiday season so i’ve delayed this long enough. Let’s get back to Season 5 after the cut

Blinded by Science:

So yeah... i’m just going to say it.. this season.. has been fucking weird. 

I mean sure there’s been plenty of normal episodes: The Boss Maybe, Strife of the Party, Kernel of Truth, Banned Together, Season’s Cheatings. There are more normal standard Loud House episodes than the weird ones... but that just makes out how looney some episodes have gotten stick out MORE. I mean among episodes tackling Leni struggling to step into Lori’s true, an obnoxious party despute, a news antics episode, Luna dealing with her career, and a holiday shenanigans episodes.. we’ve also had Lincoln get shipped off to Canada for an episode, Lincoln thwart a supervillian plot, Lori learning her school has a friendly ghost caddy that everyone who goes there knows and just accepts like that’s a normal thing, and with two of today’s episodes, Flip being some kind of monsterious miracle of science or possibly having an x gene we don’t know and then being visted by the ghosts of christmas past, present and future, who for no explained reason look and act like Lisa, Lincoln, Clyde and Lucy. 

I mean I can stretch disbelief for a lot of cartoons and i’m fine with it. Lisa does it pretty much on concept. But stretching things a bit for a joke is fine.. but it’s gotten to the point where the plots have gone from grounded slice of life stuff to really weird high concept stuff and it’s really hard to tell if this is going to work or not as Schooled and Family Bonding were not great, especially the latter, Ghosted was pretty good, Flipmas Carol was okay and this one... is decent. So it’s two good, two bad and one neutral. It’l take smore more episodes to see if this is a good thing or not.. I was leaning toward not before this block, but it’s very clear by the fact multiple writers have done this and the one whose done this the most wrote normal episodes last season, that this is an overall creative decision and thus something ‘im just going to have to live with. And hey, it gives me more material to work with so there you go.  So yeah let’s actually talk about this episode: Lisa is scrambling because she has a presentation at a big science convention, but doesn’t have any new discoveries to report. She does have snakebird though, which is exactly what it sounds like and exactly as delightful. Everyone should have one of those I don’t know how this isn’t worth presenting. Just put snakebird in hat. Lincoln comes to help because Rita heard snakebird and wanted to make sure lily was okay, and all he’s doing is taking her for a ride so it’s fine. Snakebird should be a part of my a different world style spinoff I’m just saying. Or with Stella.. I have a lot of spinoff ideas and only one of them has gotten a cease and desist from viacom so that’s progress! 

Point is Lincoln ends up being a very good big brother and takes her to flips for a flippee as that usually helps him think. He also crouchs down adorably to reach her height at one point. 

Like it’s jsut really precious to see that. It also does something the show does at it’s best: Weave the other siblings into each others plots organically. Lately they haven’t been as good at that with some exceptions and while it’s fine to have a few episodes where the rest of the family isn’t involved it is weird to just sorta.. cordon off 11 of our leads instead of giving them their own unique dynamics with each other. And while I do think Lincoln gets way to much of the spotlight at times, and his episodes have not been the best this season, I do think he works perfectly here: He’s the one with the most history with flips, so his role he ends up taking in the plot make sense, and him taking a big brother role and taking her down there is really adorable. It’s honestly easy to forget sometimes since half his sisters outage and outrank him by a lot that LIncoln has some authority and brotherly duty himself but when it crops up it’s really nice to see. 

But yeah while Lincoln’s gesture was nice it does nothing to help. But what does is Flip himself. Honestly before these episodes i’d barely seen Flip and he’s alright. He’s not bad it’s just with this having happened just a few years ago

So i’ts really hard for him to stand out in comparison when he’s kind of generic. He’s still pretty damn loveable though. And this episode has as he drops a drum of cheese on his foot, it does nothing, eats cheese right out of the barrel which.. 

I mean at least have some sanitary standards man. Get a bowl or put it in a bathtub or something. Figure it out. But yeah it turns out his heart is also in his arm, literally on his sleeve.. something they don’t point out so it’s a subtle and well done joke. 

Anyways yeah... so this is where the weird stuff comes in. Flip is some sort of miracle of science despite in all other episodes clearly being a normal human, And I like it.. while some bits of it are gross, i’m not a gross out guy so if you like that it’ll be up your ally and I respect that. But for the most part it’s just weird, bizzare stuff I can’t help but chuckle at like Flip having gills on his leg or being able to surivive freezing tempratures while not moving at all. See this works better than the spy episode in terms of what the fuck or to a lesser extent schooled because while it is fucking bizzare.. it works and it’s just swining so hard for the fences, it hits the moon. With the other two one didn’t bring it up till the end and the other just.. suddenly annoucned Royal Woods is next to canada and that lincoln taking a boat there was feasable. This just works for me.  So Lisa takes him to the conference, with Lincoln and Clyde joining in to serve snacks and promote the food and fuel which works, I also like the gag about them being late because they argued about what Science Casual meant. Lisa shows off this monstrosity and gets praise.. and a shady scientist asking if  she can use flip for her experiments which lisa talks him into and Flip agrees to because, like his agreeing to lisa’s experiments he likes money and tasks the boys with running things.  Naturally handing a miracle of science over to a shady science lady you know nothing about backfires and lisa trying to search incognito labs just blows up the computer.. somehow. Don’t think too hard about it. But LIsa finds lily petting a rat and soon finds the rat comes from flip begging for help. And upon spying on the lab, Lisa finds that flip is basically being tourtured and feels she did no better which.. no. While she did use him as a test subject, she also did so with his full consent, and for free publicity. She didn’t harm flip as while she subjected him to a lot of crap NONE of it harmed him like Ingognito’s experiments are. This attempt at a moral dosen’t work when Lisa , while still seeing only flip for his achivments, did nothing unethical. Flip willingly signed on for this and was never once in danger. And look medical trials can be unethical epsecially when people are deseperate. I get that. But here Lisa did nothing wrong and given her usual tendency to ignore scientetific ethics, that’s a lot.  Lisa goes to the boys for help and together they all sneak in and free flip in a decent sequence using various stuff from flips. The doctor for her part, as she was planning to shoot flip up into space without a suit to see if he could surivive because evil, gets blasted up. So yeah.. this episode ended with a 4 year old, an old man whose apparently a mutant of some kind x-men or otherwise and two 12 year olds having killed a woman. 

And then they all just.. have flippees for aj ob well done. I mean yes the lady deserved it but still.. you all just killed someone! YOU SHOULDN’T BE ACCEPTING THIS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. AND WHY DOSEN’T SNAKEBIRD HAVE HIS OWN MOVIE. EPISODE OVER. 

Final Thoughts on Blinded By Science: This one was okay. Insane, VERY insane, but okay. I’ve seen way worse, from this very season but man is it weird and man is that ending just... 

Yeah that takes it down a bit but overall really enjoyed this one, Moving on. Real behind and got four to go so

Band Together: I think I have one of my many reaction images that says it best here:

Given i’ve seen pretty much every Luna episode, she’s my faviorite and i’ve been blatant about that,  and all of them are pretty good, I had high hopes for this one. And it STARTS promisingly enough: Luna is rocking out with her band which finally has a name! The Moon Goats. Which I like a lot: Besides reminding me of the objectively awesome Mountain Goats, it fits thehir personality and also reminds me of fellow teenage garage band goat cheese pizza from Zits... I miss when that strip was about teenagers and not two old men yelling about teenagers. Metaphorically. Point is I like this and my recent scott pilgrim kick means this is even better. We also find out Scoots is a huge fan of the band. Which is fantastic. Why an old lady with questionable morals is their biggest fan I do not know. We also get a band prank and fully names for the other two: Sully, the guy and Mazy the girl. I mean their not given MUCH character, Sully likes to bash his head on the keyboard and Mazy is uh there. And that is one of the episodes downsides: Despite being the first episode with Luna’s band to NOT focus on just Sam... the rest of them, and Sam really get to do nothing. The fact Sam and Luna are together dosen’t even factor into the plot. I honestly think it’s what removes the episodes punch, that we don’t KNOW these characters and thus LUna posisbly leaving them behind has no weight.  In contrast the series actually did something similar with little build up but made it work with the episode where Leni’s friends are trying to make her choose between them: Her mall coworker friends or her school friends. While we didn’t KNOW her school friends like the mall ones, the episode took time buliding them up so we got why Leni loved both and why this was so unfair to make her choose between them. Here it’s just two well designed carboards and a sam. And without the stakes of it possibly impacting Luna’s relationship, which I don’t want obviously but at least we have a stake in at this point, there’s just.. not a lot. Plus the solutions kind of obvious.  But what’s the problem? The band performs for a big manager who only needs Luna to fill in for a professional band.  The IDEA as i’ve said is good: LUna being forced to pick between her friends and her career, and both sides not being happy about it. But it’s just.. wasted. Besides clearly being bigger than 30 minutes, apparently we needed the half hour slot for a caddy ghost, this story just feels slight. Luna ends up with the other band and the manager gets on her for acting like she does with her friends.. but she’s a 16 year old who dosen’t know any better. What’d you possibly expect? none of it just really works. She goes back, no one is suprised, and the only part that really works at all.. is the ending. After welcoming luna back , as their roadie at first and clearly it’s more of a joke, Chunk plays with the band and gets Luna’s spot. THAT is not a bad ending and while I”ll miss the big lug, it’s really nice to see the guy get a big break and Chunk is low key one of my faviorite parts of the show. But otherwise yeah, this was almost nothing and given how usually FANTASTIC the Luna episodes are, this one was a really huge disapointment. No need for final thoughts moving on. 

Seasons Cheatings: This is a quick one but only because there’s no real character stuff or bad parts, i’ts just a decent if contrived holiday episodes. It’s the annual family gift swap, and Lincoln wants a backpack for (insert thing he likes #37). That being said I DO like that Lincoln isn’t just into one thing obession wise as even with my tendency to hyperfocus due to my autisim, I have TONS of things I love and glom onto. YOu can tell just by my massive assortment of reaction images and quotes. So it’s nice for a show to for once NOT have a nerdy kid just have one hero they focus on. So it’s rip hardcore this time, with a fancy backpack. Why Lincoln didn’t just ask for it for christmas is beyond me and is the only thing that bothers me about the episode. Ohterwise i’ts pretty decent; LIncoln’s trying to cheat his way to victory by getting the right sister for the swap. Which really ends up boiling down to first LIly, since the parents will choose, but since LIly did her own gift this year, he then tries one of the older sisters since obviously, they actually take this seriously and have the money to get something nice with various shenanigans including lincoln dressing up like his own mother. Neat. It’s nothing amazing but it is neat.

 Naturally he forgets his own, and has to trade his gift to Chandler to get Lola a nice gift in time. Also Chandler is apparently Lincoln’s black market hookup ala hustler kid. I genuinely love everything about this from the fact it fits his character, to the fact him being rich means there’s a genuine way he can get the resources, to the fact that despite being rich and probably not needing to do this it still fits he’d do it anyway because he’s kind of a scamp. If they use Chandler more like this, as Lincoln’s sorta shady frienemy who Lincoln and Co and possibly the sisters go to for shady schemes and crookery, i’ll be fully on board with it. Plus it might finally squeeze liam out of the group and give us someone willing to hit rusty. So all good things. 

But we do get a REALLY sweet ending as Lily, having seen her big brudder sad, paints him a picture. We also get the sweet image up top of LIsa and Lucy having given each other the same gift. Overall not a bad episode. Not nearly as good chirstmas story wise as 11 louds a leapin, but with a shorter runtime and a tight premise it still works and is still very sweet. 

A Flipmas Carol: Another very simple but alirght one.. and ANOTHER flip episode. And another one I can speed through a bit more. Basically it’s the night before christmas and Flip is taking advantage of the neighborhoods desperation with shoddy merchandise.. and forcing Lynn to work off the debt for some accidnetal damage on christmas eve and day. I mean she is legally of working age so this is legal but it’s still sketchy. Which is Flip’s wheelhouse.  Naturally this leads to a christmas Carol Parody and the weird part as the ghosts resemble and act like the loud kids> This is never explained, it’s really weird especially since Clyde ghost refrences his therapist.. but given the louds were in there and are in there enough for Flip to know them well, same with the mcbrydes, it easily could be a guilt induced hallucination or simply the ghosts taking a familiar form so i’m not going to dicker over it. It’s weird but you know not sudden super spies, golf ghosts or childrne comitting murders weird and as I mentioned up top, holiday episodes get a little more leway with me in terms of weird shit. not by a lot but by just enough. 

So they take him through what you’d expect: The Past gives Flip a sympethatic and well done origin story: Flip had a date with the girl of his dreams, but lost out due to a comination of Scoots selling him bad goods and bad tickets in middle school and vowed never to be hurt again barney stinson styles. The present shows him the consequenceds of his actions on other people’s christmas including whatever he gave the louds to make christmas dinner having turned into some form of abomination, causing him to actually feel guilt. The final one shows him having died, buired alone with no one to care in a ditch with a pizza box and having lost everything due to his practices. It ends how you’d expect, he goes to eveyrones houses and fixes things before giving the loud kids present and clearing lynn’s deabt before that happens. Not much to really dig into here, just a pretty good specail. Both of the christmas episodes are good, and while again not as good as the first one aren’t bad themselve.s 

So yeah overall this crop was okay. No real standouts, but outside of Band Together nothing bad and even that had extra scoots, luna’s band getting a name and that cheeks suish. All in all not a bad batch feels good to be caught up. Until next time courage. 

#the loud house #christmas #lisa loud #lincoln loud #clyde mcbride #luna loud #sam sharp #saluna #chester monk #scoots #flip #rattus #lily loud #lola loud #lucy loud

[psychologyofsex]

The True Story of How I Became a Sex Educator and Researcher

Our professional biographies tend to serve as a “highlight reel”—they only say the great things we’ve accomplished and don’t reveal the struggles, challenges, and uncertainties that went into building a career. To lift back the curtain on this, the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP) recently asked a number of scholars to submit their official bios along with their “unofficial bios” that reveal an extremely different version of the story with more twists and turns.

You can read some of the examples here. Although I didn’t participate in it, I thought it would be fun to do something similar on the blog. So here goes—I’ll start with my official bio, followed by the real, behind-the-scenes story.  

Official Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller 

Dr. Justin Lehmiller received his Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Purdue University. He is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, having been honored three times with the Certificate of Teaching Excellence from Harvard University, where he taught for several years. He is also a prolific researcher and scholar who has published more than 50 academic works to date, including a textbook titled The Psychology of Human Sexuality (now in its second edition) that is used in college classrooms around the world. Dr. Lehmiller's studies have appeared in all of the leading journals on human sexuality, including the Journal of Sex Research, Archives of Sexual Behavior, and The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 

Dr. Lehmiller has run the popular blog Sex and Psychology since 2011. It receives millions of page views per year and is rated among the top sex blogs on the internet. In 2019, he launched the Sex and Psychology Podcast. It ranks among the top sexuality podcasts in several countries and has been named one of “11 sex podcasts that will help you get better in bed” by Men’s Health. 

Dr. Lehmiller has been interviewed by numerous media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, CNN, The Atlantic, The Globe and Mail, and The Sunday Times. He has been named one of 5 "Sexperts" You Need to Follow on Twitter by Men's Health and one of the "modern-day masters of sex" by Nerve. Dr. Lehmiller has appeared on the Netflix series Sex, Explained, he has been on several episodes of the television program Taboo on the National Geographic Channel, and he has been a guest on Dr. Phil. Dr. Lehmiller has also appeared on numerous podcasts and radio shows, including the Savage Lovecast, the BBC’s Up All Night, and several NPR programs (1A, Radio Times, and Airtalk). 

He is a popular freelance writer, penning columns and op-eds for major publications, including The Washington Post, Playboy, USA Today, VICE, Psychology Today, Men’s Health, Politico, and New York Magazine. He has also interviewed several prominent authors, journalists, and psychologists about their work for his blog and podcast, including Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Lisa Ling, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, and bestselling authors Christopher Ryan (Sex at Dawn) and Lisa Taddeo (Three Women). 

Unofficial Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller

When Justin’s parents asked him what he wanted to study in college, he said “psychology.” He had taken a couple of psychology courses in high school that he found to be absolutely fascinating; however, his parents discouraged him from this because getting into a PhD program was tough and uncertain and, if that didn’t work out, they didn’t see much potential in a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. They encouraged him to pursue a career in occupational therapy (OT) instead because a family friend said “they needed more men in the field,” and also because his parents saw it as a path to job security with a pretty good paycheck.

He applied to a 5-year combined Bachelor’s/Master’s program in OT at Gannon University and was admitted. Incidentally, he was one of two men in the entire program. He spent a year and a half in it and made straight As in every course, including biochemistry and physics—but he wasn’t happy. He recognized the importance of OT to society, but it wasn’t his passion. After showing his parents that he was taking college seriously and earning good grades, they allowed him to switch his major to psychology.

Upon completing his Bachelor’s degree, he only applied to Master’s programs in psychology because he didn’t think he had the chops to get into a PhD program right away. The inferiority complex was strong in this one, so he didn’t even try. He applied and was accepted to Villanova University’s Master’s program in experimental psychology. He was not competitive enough of a candidate to receive an assistantship initially, although he eventually received one after another student dropped out.  

He really wanted to study social psychology at Villanova, but there was only one social psychologist on staff at the time and several interested students. The only option for him was to beg one of the clinical psychologists to let him do a social psychology study for his Master’s thesis. 

As he began looking for PhD programs to apply to, he met Dr. Chris Agnew at a meeting of the American Psychological Association. Chris was studying romantic relationships and Justin thought that sounded like a fun thing to spend his life doing. Plus, Chris was a super cool guy who seemed like a fantastic mentor. He applied and was admitted to Purdue’s social psychology program, although he was initially waitlisted (and rejected from all but one other program). Justin’s plan was to get his doctorate and become a college professor. Teaching and research sounded like things he could probably do.

Justin was assigned to teach a Health Psychology course at Purdue during his first year. He had never taught a class before and quickly realized that he was very uncomfortable with public speaking. The class was a disaster. Attendance dropped 60-70% within the first couple of weeks. He had no idea what he was doing and dreaded going to class each day—and he received poor evaluations in the end.  

Around the same time, Justin submitted his first academic paper to a journal, it was promptly rejected and came with this review: “This manuscript is fatally flawed and of marginal utility, which is a shame because potentially interesting questions could have been asked given the topic and timing of the research. The tone of this manuscript represents the worst in scientific misconstrual, particularly because the claims are silly, wrong, or not warranted by the data.” Justin clearly sucked at both teaching and research—and if he couldn’t do those things well, how would he ever become a college professor? 

He also started hearing horror stories from advanced students in his program who couldn’t find jobs and were sticking around for 6 or 7 years in the hope of eventually landing a job—any job. All of this led Justin to question what the hell he was doing with his life. Maybe he should have listened to his parents after all? Chris encouraged Justin to stick with it, though, as did his friends and mentors. 

The next year, Justin got assigned to be a teaching assistant for a human sexuality course taught by Dr. Janice Kelly. It changed his life. He had to lead weekly discussion sections with students and answer their sex questions (a subject he knew next to nothing about, having attended Catholic schools most of his life). He read about sex extensively and instantly knew he had found what he really wanted to do with his career. He saw it as something fun and interesting—but also a way that he could make a real difference. He realized how little most people actually know about sex, and how education can correct so many harmful myths and misconceptions. 

An opportunity to teach his own human sexuality class opened up the following year, and he took it. This time around, teaching was different—he was passionate about the subject and the students were, too. He had no problems with attendance. He ended up teaching this course six times before he graduated and eventually received a teaching award for it. He found that he loved being a sex educator. 

He also found a solution to his public speaking anxiety: he started taking a beta-blocker (propranolol) on public speaking days, which removed physiological symptoms of anxiety. This allowed him to feel like himself in front of a crowd and, after just a few months, he no longer needed to take the medication—the anxiety had gone away completely. 

He started conducting his own sex research, too, including a series of studies with Dr. Kelly on friends with benefits. His research skills improved and his studies started getting accepted instead of rejected.   

He eventually landed a job at Colorado State University as an assistant professor, where he stayed for three years and continued his work as a sex educator and researcher. His partner couldn’t get a job in the area and had just taken a job in Boston, so Justin applied for every academic job within two hours of Boston. He was turned down for all of them. As a last-ditch effort, he applied for a teaching position at Harvard but had absolutely no confidence in it. He almost didn’t submit the application, but his partner encouraged him to do so. Justin had applied to Harvard’s PhD program previously and was rejected—if they didn’t want him as a student, why the heck would they want him as a teacher? 

To his great surprise, he got the job at Harvard, where he stayed for three years. However, he had given up his tenure-track job in Colorado for a teaching position in Boston with no job security. So he decided to reinvent himself just in case things didn’t work out. In his spare time, he started a blog, wrote a human sexuality textbook, and became a freelance media writer. Communicating about sex science to the public became his hobby and was going to be his backup career in case the college professor thing didn’t work out. 

Eventually, Justin’s partner wanted to move to Indianapolis for a job opportunity, so they left Boston. But Justin didn’t have a job at first and his backup plan wasn’t yet enough to be a full-time job. He knew the Kinsey Institute was nearby, so he drafted a letter to the director in the hope of establishing a connection, but he never sent it. He had a severe case of imposter syndrome and did not feel accomplished or experienced enough to have anything to do with what he saw as the premier hub for sex research in the world.

Much to his surprise, the associate director of the Institute reached out to him after he moved to Indiana to explore opportunities for working together. It was actually his hobby/backup plan that caught their eye—they were interested in working together to disseminate sex science to the public and were impressed with what he had done with his blog and social media.

Justin affiliated with Kinsey, but also jumped back on the tenure track with a job as the Director of the Social Psychology Program at Ball State University, which fortuitously opened up about 4 months after he moved to Indianapolis. After 3.5 years, he decided to leave full-time academics and do his own thing. His science communication hobby had managed to grow into a full-time job and it was no longer feasible to do that and academics. Plus, he found that the science communication work was really where his passion was. So, the backup plan officially became “the plan.” 

Justin now spends every day finding new ways to help educate and inform the public about the science of sex. He’s still not sure how things ended up this way, but wouldn’t trade his current job for anything. 

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF

You Might Also Like: 

How Do You Become a Sex Researcher?

So You Want To Be A Science Blogger? Here’s What You Need To Know

Sex Question Friday: What Is A Sexologist And How Do I Become One?

#sex education #sex research

[ayellowcurtain]

Can you please write something fluffy cute about elu? Maybe like... They didn't see each other for a couple of days and then when they finally are together again. // best friends elu please with Eliott overprotecting Lucas and Lucas like 🙄 but then they realized that they are in love

This is another very long one, hope you’re ready. Whoever was missing Elu, this is your time to shine! 

-----

They’ve been friends for the longest time, even though they’re very different. Eliott is his complete opposite. Eliott is tall, way too tall, like a tree, but he’s also like a big puppy. Lucas can’t relate because he’s way too short, but from what he understands, not even Eliott knows how to deal with how tall he is, so he’s also very clumsy and a little weird, never knowing what to do with his arms and legs. Eliott has also had the sweetest personality ever since they were kids. He’s always more than ready to help Lucas in anything he might need. He was the one that Lucas called when his dad left and Eliott was there five minutes later.

Eliott is also very touchy. He always needs to be touching whoever he’s talking to, and when you’re talking to him, he’ll make you feel like you’re the only human in the world, he’ll look inside your soul and pay attention to every word and get so excited to be talking to you.

Most of the time, it bothered Lucas how Eliott was always touching him. The boys would tease them about it and Eliott wouldn’t care, but Lucas would feel so angry because of the stupid jokes. Even when he tried to avoid Eliott’s touch, the other one wouldn’t get angry or upset, he would just let Lucas be and the next day he would act just the same, putting his hands on Lucas all the time.

As the years went on and they all probably grew out of the teenage-dumb-years, Lucas started not to care about the extra touches, he would even miss it whenever Eliott didn’t do it.

Eliott always had Lucille, it was like a package deal, but Lucas never got used to it. He stayed away from their relationship as much as he could; Eliott seemed to like her and so Lucas didn’t want his opinion about the girl to change Eliott’s opinions about her. But Eliott was always smarter than him and he knew Eliott would like to hear his opinion about his girlfriend, so Lucas would always avoid the subject, only he didn’t see it coming this time.

They were alone at Yann’s place while he was showering and Eliott was constantly serving Lucas another drink like it was fucking water. Lucas didn’t realize it until it was way too late.

“So, you like Lucille?” Eliott was a little serious while asking, which was a miracle. He was looking deep inside Lucas’ eyes, really interested in what he had to say.

“Putain, you’re so fucking mean.” Lucas relaxed against the couch, wanting to run away to avoid answering. He knew he fell into the trap just like his best friend planned. Even if he didn’t want to, his drunk mind would probably say whatever it wanted, not caring for Eliott’s feelings or Lucille’s. Eliott just shrugs, still waiting and Lucas tried to think about something his sober self could get away with.

“You fall in love way too easily, Eliott.” It wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst either so he managed to turn his head a little on the cushing of the couch, looking at Eliott who was still looking so deep inside Lucas, it made him a little uncomfortable.

“No, I don’t. I fall in love and then I never grow out of it and so I have to find someone else, hoping I’ll like them at least a little bit, enough for me to get over the person I really like.” Eliott wasn’t drunk, maybe tipsy and a little high, but Lucas knew he meant what he said. And that was part of what Lucas was saying.

Eliott feels a lot. It’s not his thing to not care, it’s not inside of him to don’t give a shit like Lucas does.

Lucas’ sleepy mind wanders around what it can remember of Eliott’s features.

He’s the most good looking guy Lucas has ever seen. Eliott could easily be an Elite model, hanging out with the richest people, traveling around the world, having sex with top models, and yet he’s the softest, most kind and pure person Lucas has ever seen. They know each other like nobody else, so Lucas knows he has something hidden very deep inside of him, besides what Lucas knows about his episodes, and maybe that’s what keeps him here, smoking weed, doing nothing with Lucas and the others, dating someone he’s not very interested in, but he should know how lucky the world is to have him.

“You shouldn’t be with someone if you’re not in love.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, but I’m tired of being alone and it’s not really my decision to make if the person I want doesn’t want me back.” Lucas has to look down for some unknown reason, he can’t stare at Eliott’s piercing blue eyes anymore. Yann finally comes back, more excited than ever, offering some more beers for both of them.

-

From that night on, something changed between them. Everything was the same, but it felt different inside Lucas. Eliott would leave them almost every day a little earlier. Basically every Friday night he would pre-game with them only to go out with Lucille afterward and she was starting to get on Lucas’ nerves. He misses having Eliott around. Yann seems to notice how grumpy Lucas gets whenever Eliott’s relationship becomes the topic of the conversation and so he has the amazing idea of asking Eliott to introduce his girlfriend to his friends. Lucas doesn’t want to actually meet her, not now, not ever, but he doesn’t say it out loud and so Eliott is supposed to bring her to the pre game later today. They’ve already seen each other a couple of times, but Lucille will always be a stranger to Lucas.

He had no choice other than to ask Chloe to go with him. It’s fucked up, he’s very aware, but he’s just asking the girl to go to a pre-game with him, he’s not promising a wedding afterward.

-

Arthur’s place was empty tonight so it was his time to host. He bought the best snacks and beers and there’s no end to the feast. He even has the biggest bag of the best weed Lucas has ever smoked.

Lucille is so fucking beautiful it pisses him off. Of course, Eliott would find the most beautiful and smart girl he could find. Chloe is just a girl from school, Eliott knows her, but he doesn’t seem to like her either. Lucas hasn’t even kissed her yet (tonight), but Eliott keeps staring at them, sitting side by side on the couch, right in front of him.

She’s only staying for the pre-game, Lucas said they were going to a friend’s birthday party and he couldn’t bring anyone, so she has other plans for the rest of the night. He makes sure to at least walk her to the door when she has to leave when she pulls him outside. He looks back inside only to see Eliott staring at him as he closes the door behind him before Chloe jumps on him, smiling as they kiss goodbye.

From what Lucas could understand from the conversation on their way to the party, Lucille and Eliott became official just now (“finally”, in her words), before that they were just...making out from time to time and so she doesn’t seem too bothered when Eliott goes back to being constantly around Lucas when they get to the party, always pulling him even closer, sometimes even kissing Lucas’ cheek or neck and Lucas has to avoid looking at her even though she doesn’t seem to care. His drunk mind wants her to care about how her boyfriend is leaving her alone to be with Lucas, kissing his neck, hugging him way too intimately.

But as the time goes by and as Lucas gets even more drunk, he’s starting to get bitter. Eliott left almost an hour ago, he was missing for a very long time until Lucas saw him coming down from the second floor with Lucille right after him, holding his hand and they went to the dance floor, always looking at each other with hungry eyes and smiles that had the dirtiest intentions.

The sun was starting to rise when they decided to leave. Basile was drunk, Arthur and Yann had to help him walk out and Eliott was hugging Lucille, but wrapped his other arm around Lucas’ neck, helping him get out too.

Lucas is selfish and bitter and that escalated quickly when he had to witness Eliott kissing a girl for an entire night instead of hanging out with him and the boys. As they’re waiting for a cab, Lucas gets on his tiptoes, whispering in his ear.

“I don’t like her.” Lucas is so tired and drunk, but as he looks at Eliott’s profile, he can see his smile slowly fading away and he thinks for another second, turning his face to look at Lucas.

“You don’t have to. I do, right?” And he’s looking so disappointed at Lucas that he just wants to leave now, to not look at Eliott to avoid having to see what he had done, but it’s too late, the cab is parking in front of them and Lucille opens the door, letting the boys get inside first.

He’s drunk and he knows Eliott and Lucille are just there because Yann had to deal with Basile and that makes him feel even worse. He’s just third wheeling and ruining their night now. Lucas is panicking, looking at the roof of the car, trying not to cry right there, thinking of the big mess he just made. Eliott gave the driver his address, but Lucas can’t go to his place, so he begs the driver to leave him at the flat. Eliott tries to talk to him, saying that Lucas is too drunk to be alone at the flat, but he just shakes his head, saying he needs to go home.

The mood inside the cab gets almost unbearable when Lucas almost gets into an argument with Eliott because he says he won’t leave Lucas drunk and alone at the flat. Lucille intervenes and quietly asks Eliott to let Lucas be and that only makes it worse because Eliott instantly stops arguing.

Lucas gets off the cab without saying bye, slamming the door behind him. It takes almost half an hour for him to go up the stairs and to open the door to his house, but he manages, lying on the couch and instantly passing out.

-

His head feels so heavy when he wakes up. It’s getting dark outside again, he heard Mika and Lisa walking by him a few times during the day, but he just turned his face to the other side, hiding against the couch. Someone was cooking something and just the smell made him nauseous enough to fully wake up. Lucas rushed to the bathroom, almost missing the toilet as he kneeled in front of it, throwing up for way too long.

Last night was a blur, but he remembers arguing with Eliott inside the cab. As he washes his face and brushes his teeth, he fishes for his phone inside his pocket, texting Eliott:

to Eliott: I’m sorry about last night. I was way too drunk and just being selfish. I hope I didn’t ruin your night or your vacation with her. Enjoy it and I’m sorry again <3

He keeps staring at his phone, waiting for a response that never comes. Eliott read the message instantly, but he doesn’t reply. Lucas keeps checking it anyway every two seconds during the entire night. Maybe Eliott is already busy with something or someone. He and Lucille were going away for the week to somewhere in the middle of nowhere, just the two of them.

-

It’s been almost two weeks. Lucas knows that where Eliott was had no wi-fi or service, but he’s back home already and he still isn’t responding. Lucas didn’t think his opinion about Lucille would make Eliott this upset. Maybe he ruined everything once again. He calls Yann in hopes that at least he’ll have some information and he does, at least a little more than Lucas.

Eliott is indeed back home. Apparently, his trip with Lucille was cut short, but now Eliott isn’t responding to him either.

So Eliott was purposely ignoring his texts. It’s very late and Lucas is tired of waiting so he sends as many texts as quickly as he can to Eliott, hoping he would get annoyed and answer for once, at least to ask Lucas to stop texting him.

He stops when he sees his messages being read: Eliott is finally online. He starts typing once, twice, and on the third try, Lucas finally gets a message that scares him even more.

to Lucas: I don’t feel well, Lucas.

I’m sorry

to Eliott: Eliott, please

I’m here, always

talk to me!!!

to Lucas: I can’t lose you

to Eliott: you won’t

come home. right now, please!

you’re worrying me

Eliott isn’t replying again, but he read all the messages. What does he mean he can’t lose Lucas? They’ve known each other since they were kids, there’s no way Eliott will ever lose him. It’s almost two in the morning and Lucas is still staring at his phone, waiting for any reply from Eliott, when he hears the intercom ringing and Mika picking up.

“Lucas, it’s for you!” He looks at his bedroom door, rushing out of bed to put some pants on. He can hear Mika opening the door and talking to someone, but Lucas isn’t really waiting for any visitors, especially at this hour. When he gets to the living room, Mika is nowhere to be found anymore. There’s only Eliott there, still close to the door, his shoulders shrunk against his chest, both his hand closed in a fist by his sides and he looks like he’s about to cry, swallowing a big lump in his throat.

It breaks Lucas’ heart to see Eliott so broken like this again, it’s been a long time since his last episode, but it feels worse now. Lucas rushes closer, throwing himself in Eliott’s arms and he holds Lucas with both arms around his waist.

“You scared the shit out of me, Eliott!” He holds him tighter around his neck, climbing him like a tree like he always wanted, wrapping both his legs around Eliott’s waist and Eliott carries him back to his bedroom, closing the door behind them.

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Yes! Fuck, of course.” Lucas kisses his neck without thinking about it, breathing him in, happy to see Eliott in one piece, right in front of him.

Even though he doesn’t want to, Lucas stands up again and they’re way too close, brushing their noses when Lucas steps back just to be able to see Eliott, touching his face with both hands, drying his tears with his thumbs.

Eliott doesn’t seem to have much strength in his body, so Lucas has to help him take his jacket off, his sweatshirt and his jeans too and it feels just a little too intimate and different from every other time something like this happened between them. Everything is different for Lucas. It’s so hard to be around Eliott and not kiss him. Lucas just wants to take care of him, make his pain go away, hopefully make him a little happier.

They don’t talk, but it feels like they do. When Lucas looks up again once he’s done with the clothes, they almost kiss again, but it’s just bad timing now. Eliott is not well and Lucas can’t just throw another curve ball at him like that.

“I’m not with Lucille anymore.” Eliott whispers and Lucas looks at him, but both their hairs are in his way, covering their eyes. They’re breathing heavily through their mouths, so close it’s hard not to think about it.

It’s so selfish, but Lucas can’t help the relieved sigh that comes out of his mouth and Eliott comes down a little closer, resting his forehead against Lucas’.

“I’m sorry, Lucas. For not telling you before.” Lucas’ heart is tightening and he doesn’t know what to do, how to help, but he knows they’re not talking exactly about Lucille. Lucas closes his eyes and lets himself come closer again, bumping their noses together one last time.

“There’s no reason to apologize. You just have to tell me what you want and when you want it. Tonight we can just lie down and sleep for a little.”

Eliott nods and kisses Lucas’ temple, quietly moving away from him, crawling into bed, lying with his back to Lucas and it looks too much like an invitation. Lucas takes his pants off again, gently lying behind Eliott, putting his arms around him, his fingertips drawing invisible lines on Eliott’s forearms, burying his nose against his neck, breathing him in again.

They’ll have a lot to talk about tomorrow.

#skam france #elu fic #elu #Lucas Lallemant #eliott demaury #thank you to the cutest girl to ever exist for helping me with this one <3

[xuxikook]

Roommates, Season 3, Pilot.

A/N This will show like an episode you watch on TV, examples like; Tros, LOTJ, 2D1N, Running man etc. Inspired by @/nitaescence (i love her works omg). 

And since I miss Roommates I’ve decided to make a fictional season three of the show with all of my favorite artist.

Artist (Non pairing): Y/n, BTS Kim Taehyung, NCT Wong Lucas, Black pink Park Rose,Stray Kids Bang Chan, Seventeen Seungkwan, Actress Shin Yeeun, Actor Lee Dong Wook. Summary: In which different types of people are stuck inside a house for a couple of months  Genre: Roommates!Variety show!Y/n’sAnIdol!Au Words: 3324 

*Bold/blockquote - Show’s Intro/Transition.

*...* -  Frame captions.

Italic - Present time.

Blockquote - Time

[Bold] - Camera’s filming positions.

Italic/bold  - Interview 

<...> - Place

(brackets) - Sound effects

*Due to popular demands, Roommates Season Three is back with new exciting artists!* 

 *SHOW INTRO

*Who will be our first member of the house?*

Bedroom, door

< unfamiliar dorm >

[Wall camera filming down]

You giggled at your self as you look around your dorm picking and dropping things you want to bring along to the house you'll be staying at for six months or more.

*still struggling what to bring*

"What do I bring?" You asked your self loudly letting the microphone that was hanging on your clothes catch the sound. You hummed to your self as you go to the nearest camera that was stuck on the wall. The one that was filming you down. "Guess what? I don't know what to bring."

*Oh oh..* (unison of oh)

You spoke to the camera before walking away from it to think things through. A female appeared from the kitchen as she munch on a sandwich you've made earlier for yourself, but now is in the hand of your group member.

"You're still not done packing?" She asked and you nodded your head as she comes over to you and open up your luggage and started throwing things inside, such as her pictures because she said you'll miss her.

*Transition; Introduction of Y/n.

[In front of Y/n, with black backdrop]

"Hey everyone!" You introduced as soon as the person behind the camera signaled you to start speaking. "I'm Y/n, from the rookie group AMATEUR.”

*Transition; Introduction of Y/n group and performance.

"So why did you join this show?" The same female interviewer asked as you sit in front of the camera quite shy to be alone.

"I've lived in Korea for four years now, and not once I've lived outside of the company's provided shelter, lived with my group too ever since. So I wanna see how it feels like moving in with new set of people." You said independently as you smile sincerely.

[Camera men holding up camera as they follow Y/n]

"Are you really sure about moving there?" Your member asked as she drops your luggage she was carrying on the ground. A giggle came out of your mouth as you looked at her pouting face.

"It's not like I won't come back in here," you joked. "Plus- You're going to have the room all by your self so I don't know why you're complaining."

(Sound track; Laughs.)

"Oh you're right!" She exclaimed and grabbed the luggage she had just dropped. Opening the trunk immediately and putting it in. Pushing you towards the door, opening it for you. Waving. "Bye bye sister."

"Do you know what types of people you'll be living with?"  She asked you, your face turned into a frown and shook your head.

"Nope, but I hope they'll be cool people?" You answered. Unaware of who the people are gonna be there. Well signing up to live with a bunch of strangers doesn't sound bad right? Right?

Wall camera following a man’s movement, camera transitioning to a new room.

*Who is it?*

"Ah hyung!" A whiny boy's voice echoed the door.

Transition to Taehyung’s Introduction

< Dorm’s Living room. >

as he walk over the living room where two boys focus on the screen with controllers on their hands too busy playing Mario Kart for the hundredth time since they've got home from tour. The camera that surrounds  the place following Taehyung's every move.

(Screams)

Frozen frame of Jungkook and SeokJin

*so handsome!*

"What?" An uninterested Jin asked as he continue on pressing the speed button again and again to speed up the car's speed so he can win against Jungkook after losing during the previous game.

"Take care of Yeontan for me pleaseee-" He begged dragging the word as he look at the oldest member of his group. Having no response he moved over to the huge screen and blocked it with his body in hopes of gaining the older one's attention.

(laughs)

"Ah Hyung!" Jungkook whined as he tries to move his head to the side to see the screen better. Great. Two kids are whining.

*Interview; Kim Taehyung

"So why did you joined the show?" The male interviewer asked as he signaled Taehyung who sits awkwardly alone in his seat. Not used of not having the other six people to be with him.

"I think its because I've been stuck with the same people for years and I think it'll be healthy for me to be away from them for a while." He giggled making the female crews look at him in admiration. While Taehyung recall the time he memorized the members snores after being roommates with them from time to time.

< outside of dorm >

[Camera man holding up camera as they follow Taehyung.]

"Go." Seokjin said at Kim Taehyung as he pouted at him. The camera man behind him filmed the two as they bid their farewell to one another. Taehyung went to the older one to hug him, trying to be cute and all.

*Cuteeeee* (a chorus of ‘aw’)

"Please leave." Seokjin sternly said before cracking a smile after trying to push the kid.

(laughs) 

Hugging the kid as well, knowing to himself that he's gonna miss the younger kid.

"Hey y'all!" A bright voice cheered as he sits on the chair. The common black background behind him. 

"It's me." He said before turning his head 180 degree, turning his attention back to the camera "Lucas."

(screams)

*NCT LUCAS!*

*Flashes Lucas performance with NCT and WAYV

*Wow So handsome!*

Winking to the camera. "Wait it's not recording yet!" The interviewer jokingly said making Lucas flush red as the people around him laugh at their small prank.

< Nct Dorm >

[Wall camera facing two close faces.]

"Oh Nana!" He cheered before giving the kid a man handshake. "This is Nana."

He said before the shy kid giggles before waving to the camera. "Isn't he handsome? My lil' bro!"

(laughs)

*yes he is*

"Easy~" Bambam walked over to the chair and sat down. Bowing first as a respect on the staff. Before starting the interview. 

(Laughs)

Transition; Got7′s dorm

< Bam’s room >

"You realize you wont actually need all of those things?" Jackson said as he leans on the door watching Bambam take out everything to pack up.

"You've been there. I saw your clothing. It was the same thing over and over again." Bambam snapped before smiling at the guy leaning in the door. Jackson looked at him rolling his eyes. "And heck I wont do the same."

"I honestly hope you get the worst room." Jackson said.

*We’ll see that..*

*Clip of future event; 

Bambam and Taehyung playing rock paper scissors.

*what happened?!*

*Transition; Interview Lee Dong Wook

"Yes. I'm back." The same familiar looking man said as he bows at the camera. Sighing as he rubbed the palm of his hands on his black jeans. "I don't know how. I don't know what I'm getting from this show but I'm willing to take a risk once again."

*he’s back again!*

*Clip of Season one and season two.

*We Missed you Mr Lee*

"Dongwook-ssi, Do you know that you're the oldest one in the house?" Asked the interviewer making the grown up man's eyes widen at the news.

"W-what?"

(laughs)

*Its okay Mr Lee!* *We’re sure it wont be that bad*

*Clip of future event;

Dongwook face palming himself as he sits behind the table looking at something.

*Transition; Interview Rosé

"Hiya! I'm Rosé from Black pink!" The female red haired girl greeted shyly bowing to the camera.

*Clip; Performing abroad with members.

"Unnie- do you really have to go?" Whined Lisa as she stops the car door from closing as she looks at Rosé once again.

*Oh Lisa is Sad.*

"It's not gonna be that long?" Rosé chuckled on Lisa's reaction.

*It’s okay! It wont be that long!*

"Unnie~" Lisa whined once again as she looked at the red haired girl inside the car.

(Awe)

"Do you want to drop me off?"

*Transition; Interview Boo Seungkwan

"Honestly, with that much members do you think I can't handle more people in my life?" Seungkwan said towards the interviewer. Shaking his head on the thought.

*Oh He’s confident*

*Clip of future event.

“Guys wait! GUYS! GUYSSSSS!” Seungkwan screamed trying to get everyone’s attention as he stands outside the house.

*oh no* *what happened?*

< Roommates House >

*Everyone’s home for the next months*

[Wall Camera filming the door.]

"Oh- I'm the first one to arrive." Seungkwan shyly announced as he enters the empty house filled with Cameras.

"Woah-" as he left his luggage near the door as he enters the house. The excitement can already be seen as the camera follows him around. The sound of a dog barking echoed the room making Seungkwan jump on his place as a white Pomeranian dog run towards him.

Seungkwan looked at it in awe after catching his breath once he realize the situation. He looked at the dog before checking the tag that was hanging on his collar.

"Hello my name is Bol, your little company." Seungkwan read out loud the words written in the white paper, "So You're little Bol?" Seungkwan cooed.

*Clip of future event;

Bol resting on everyone’s lap. 

“That’s bad! Bol has a favorite!”

*Transition; Interview Kim Yeri

"Honestly all I wish is not to be the youngest one." Yeri said as she shook her head on the thought. "I wanna try playing around with someone younger too you know?"

*oh we all do*

< Outside of RV Dorm>

"Bye my little child." Irene said as she hugs the youngest of the group. "Please take care of your self and know that everything will be seen in camera."

*Irene is gonna miss little Yeri*

"Yes grandmother."

(Laughs) 

*Grandmother?*

*Transition; Interview Bang Chan

"I heard that Bambam-sunbaenim will be there. So I think I'll be fine." Said Chan as he smiled unsurely to the camera. Just praying for Jesus to take the wheel.

< Studio >

*He’s live and talking to his fans*

*How sweet~*

"So.. as you know, I'll be joining the show Roommates and I really hope you guys support this show and I don't know if I'm gonna do more of these one on one Vlive for the next months. But maybe, the other cast would like to join if from time to time. I'll do it."

*We’ll look forward for that~~*

[camera films Chan’ talking to a camera]

He giggles at the excitement and the thought of having new people to do the talks and things with in camera.

*Transition; Interview Shin Yeeun.

"I'm Actress Shin Yeeun. Hello everybody!" The female smiled shyly at the camera as she waves with both hands.

[Films entrance door.]

Yeeun entered the house with a bear the same size of her upper body. Hugging it tightly as she entered the place. The luggage rolls behind her as her manager helps her out.

*another member in the house!*

"Wah~ it's the same as in the show." She looked at the place. Amazed. She looked at the stairs and quickly climbed the  stairs to go check the seconds floor.

Knowing what she had seen in the show. She quickly moved over to the room with three bed claiming one as hers. Dropping her bag on one of the bed.

A sound of pans dropping echoed the quiet house making Yeeun's eyes grow big. Frightened.

Frozen frame of Yeeun. CGI Ice growing around her.

The camera catching her reaction clearly as she looks at her manager.

(Scary sound)

(Oooh)

*What was it?*

She quickly ran down the stairs to see what had happened to see no one. Until a body frame appeared from behind the kitchen counter.

Boo Seungkwan.

*Seungkwan has dropped the pans!*

"AHH!" Both her's and Seungkwan's scream echoed the empty ground floor as they look at each other. In shock.

(Laughs) 

*Oh no*

"Ah- Hello." The female shyly spoke as the screams quiet down. Leaving the sound director of the show, deaf.

"I wasn't scared at all! It's just.. It's just, suddenly a person appeared?" Seungkwan said worriedly to the camera as the interviewer brought up the scene that had just happened. Laughing at his reaction.

(laughs)

*Yeah sure.. you weren’t*

<Outside of Roommates house>

[Camera men holding up camera as they follow Lucas]

"Ah hyung can you help me take this?" Lucas said as his group's manager came up to him to help out take out a long material.

*what was it?* 

A life size cut out of him was pulled out of the van.

*!!!*

*What a shocker!*

"Do you really need this?" His manager asked in confusion. Lucas nodded diligently at the question.

(laughs)

Another car appeared on the scene as Lucas was taking out his things from the car. A female came out of the car.

(Oooh~)

You came out of the car with glittery make up still on, matching your group's comeback theme. Except your outfit was just a plain white shirt and a simple ripped jeans.

*look who just got back from work*

"Oh- Pretty woman." Lucas dropped his luggage to the cemented road as he came towards you to help you out. 

*What a gentleman*

(claps)

You walked to the car's trunk to take out your luggage as your manager turn off the car.

Lucas wiped the sweat on his hands on his jeans before walking towards you the camera man was following his every move. 

*he’s preparing*

Clearing his throat, he quickly offered his hand out for a handshake to the familiar girl.

"Hi ma'am I'm Lucas." Lucas' cheeks flushed a tint of red as he realized that he had just called you 'ma'am' randomly and out of nowhere.

*what is this? Romeo and Juliet?*

"Well hello sir." You played along to the reddening Lucas as you shake his hands in the air.

"Would you like some help?" Lucas asked as he motioned the opened trunk, pulling out a grey luggage out.

"Oh shut it Yukhei. Stop playing nice just take it." You laughed at Lucas which laughed as well as he pulls out the luggage with you helping out by pulling out using the side handle.

*Huh!?*

*Transition; Interview Y/n

"We're in the same company." You answered the question that the interviewer had thrown you to clear out the confusion the viewers might get. "We hang out a lot because we used to train together. We basically don't really treat each other nicely."

*Transition; Interview Lucas.

"Y/n is a bully." Was all Lucas could let out. Your ears hearing his words clearly and with no doubt. He really just said that in national television.

"Yah!" Your scream was heard in the interview Lucas was having, and the editors and directors didn't even bother to cut that scene out.

(Laughs)

<Roommate’s entrance door>

You two pressed the door bell and the two people who are still busy admiring the place looked at one another before coming to the intercom. The intercom’s camera catches the two of your faces and Seungkwan's jaw dropped.

*Transition; Interview Seungkwan.

"I knew him! He's from NCT." Seungkwan said, "Another runaway from too many members!" Seungkwan said as he pointed both his index finger to the camera chuckling as he winks with his left eye.

(laughs)

*Nct has 21 members while Seventeen has 13*

*That’s a lot*

*Transition; Interview Yeeun.

"I was petrified! Am I the only actress in this show? Is it full of singers?" A shocked Yeeun said to the camera as she looked at the interviewer. 

*Cheer up Yeeun, you’re gonna be alright.*

"But heck, Lucas is a hella good looking man."

*We do not disagree*

"So okay.. You have an NCT member and a Seventeen member." You started talking about Seungkwan and Lucas. "Do you know how chaotic it'll be if both group decides to VISIT US?! THAT’S GONNA BE A TOTAL CATASTROPHE!"

"This is literally unnecessary." You looked at him in disgust as you carry his life size cut out to the door. Of course Lucas would have a life cut of himself.

"Your comment is unnecessary thank you very much."

The two of you entered the familiar place you've seen in your television and walked in the house. Making sure to remove your shoes and wear a house slipper you bought specially for the house.

"Is that a dinosaur slippers?" You looked down at his feet to see its covered in a green dinosaur in door slippers.

*That’s a cute choice!*

"I didn't say anything about your panda slipper so you can stay quiet." The door opened and two shy people greeted the two of you. 

[Entrance door camera]

You and Lucas' faces softened to the unfamiliar air in the air. The feeling of being around new people you've never met or just have seen passing by you was different.

*Yes trapping random people in one house isn't that bad.*

"I got so shy, because I feel like I'm crashing into someone else's home. I should've come early!" You exclaimed, looking to the camera.

a couple of minutes later, Taehyung opened the door to find four people sitting on the couch quietly. After having small conversations with each other such as exchanging names and basic information such as ages. 

Four heads turn their heads towards the door and their eyes grew on the sight of the person.

*!!!*  

[Angle one; catching the reaction.]

Quickly standing up, the four of you bowed your head on the senior that had just entered in.

[Angle two; catching the reaction.]

*!!!*

Taehyung freezing at the point. Not knowing what to do. Taehyung started bowing as well. The four kids who stood up still not knowing what to do, bowed once again as the senior at the door bow at them. With them bowing again, making Taehyung bow again, and again, and again.

*its a never ending*

(laughs)

*Transition; Interview Taehyung.

"It was pretty stupid." Taehyung laughed as the scenario repeated in his head. Cracking a smile on the reaction everyone has given during the first meeting. "But I can relate because I used to be the same."

*Transition; Interview Lucas.

"It was Kim Taehyung!" Lucas exclaimed, "He's a senior!"

A bow after a bow was what happened to the five of them. Until Taehyung knew enough was enough to the five of them.

"Stop stop stop!" Taehyung laughed at the scenario that seems to fit a sitcom rather than a reality show. The four of them stopped what they were doing. Standing awkwardly in their place. Not knowing what to do.

"Do you guys.. perhaps want some food?" Yeeun asked trying to break the silence that was growing in the place. Even the people behind cameras can feel the awkward tension in the air.

"Can I check out the rooms?" Taehyung asked and Lucas' eyes lit up to Taehyung's reaction.

"You want to check it too? I haven't seen any of them." Lucas said. Not really familiar of the place as he has not seen the show as it is. Only clips such as Jackson and Youngji bickering around the place from the previous season. Which he knows it'll be you and him in this season.

"So what are you making?" You asked Yeeun who opened the fridge. Your jaw dropped open at the sight of the fridge being full and everything you will need to feed eleven people. The same reaction Seungkwan had during his first tour in the house alone.

"This never happen in the dorm?" You said as you move closer to the full fridge with different varieties of food available. Yeeun looked at you and to Seungkwan who laughed at the confused as he leaned on the kitchen island.

"I have twelve members once the fridge is full its gone by midnight." Seungkwan said as the two look at him in amusement.

The first five people seem to be getting alone in their first hour together.

#Bts #y/n #Bts imagine #bts au #Taehyung au #bts taehyung #Bts V #Lucas #Wong yukhei #Yukhei au #Taehyung imagine #Taehyung fluff #Lucas fluff #lucas imagine #Bang chan imagines #Lisa imagines #Black pink imagine #nct imagine #stray kids imagine #Seventeen imagine #seventeen au #black pink au #Seungkwan imagine #black pink rose #black pink rose au #au #idk honestly #Roommates season 3 #lucas imagine fluff #rose fluff

[all-things-skam]

Title: I don’t want you to see me like this

Ship: Skam France | Lucas Lallemant and Eliot Demaury (Elu)

_______________

When Lucas returned from his coffee rendez-vous with Lucille, Eliott hadn't budged much from where he was when Lucas left the flatshare. He was curled up on himself, facing the window. Behind him, the covers were left in the same way that Lucas had pushed them when he got out of bed.

A smile curled on his lips, content to see that Eliott was still there and hadn't left while he was gone. After waking up three times out of four without Eliott by his side, a part of Lucas is always a bit paranoid that he'll flee without warnings - again.

Removing his jacket, he noticed that everyone was still asleep. What did he expect, it was Saturday morning. Mika went clubbing till 2am, Manon was at Emma's and Lisa...well, Lisa was a big sleeper. She would sleep all day if she could.

Taking advantage of the morning quietness, Lucas crossed the living to sit on the pull out couch, installing himself beside Eliott, back propped against some pillows, and pulled out his literature textbook, making good use of his spare time. He had a test coming next week and he'd rather not fail. Especially so close to the bac.

Mika emerged out of his room around ten to make himself a cup of coffee. His eyes were barely open as he stumbled into the kitchen, still tired from his night out. He saw the young couple from the corner of his eyes, Eliott sleeping soundly and Lucas reading, and smiled. Coming home to seeing the two sleeping on the pull out couch had been a nice surprise.

It was about noon when Lucas felt Eliott stir on the bed. He put down his textbook and caressed Eliott's back gently, encouraging him to wake up. The older one moaned in protest, not ready to wake up yet. Lucas chuckled fondly. The previous times they had shared a bed, Eliott was always up first and he never got to experience this.

Eliott blinked his eyes open, groaning at the sunlight coming from the large window of the living room. He rolled over to avoid the light and hid his face into Lucas's blue pillow for a moment, recovering from the harsh brightness.

The hand on his back ceased its movement and Eliott glanced up, catching Lucas's eyes on him and immediately looking away. ''I need to leave,'' he declared, voice hoarse and small.

''What? No.'' Lucas pulled his eyebrows, scooting closer. ''Stay,'' he added, almost begging. He hadn't seen Eliott in almost a week, Lucas wasn't ready to let him go.

He shook his head, messy hair sticking up here in and there from turning around during the night. ''I have to go. I have to go see my parents.'' Eliot paused, releasing a breath. ''I've worried them enough.''

His disappearance gave them quite a fright. Ever since his parents moved and allowed Eliott to live by himself in Paris, their daily worrying about their son had increased. They didn't doubt Eliott could take care of himself for daily life things. He knew how to cook - semi-cook -, do laundry and vacuum clean. What they were worried about was him spiraling out of control and having a manic episode while by himself. Or, his destructive thoughts winning.

Having ran away before, Eliott had learned to leave his phone at home. It's not like it was charged anyway. The device was probably still on his nightstand with very low or no battery life. The texts and phone calls were easy to ignore, but Lucille had once found him through 'track my phone' and Eliott hadn't been happy about that.

From that day on, he made sure to leave it at home.

Last night, though, Eliott wanted to be found. But, not by anyone. He wanted Lucas to find him. And he did.

Now, as the demons inside his mind had calmed down, he felt bad for worrying his parents. He still didn't want to see them, feeling suffocated by their overprotective behavior, but they deserved to know he was safe.

''They know you're here,'' Lucas informed. ''With me.''

'Lucille told them,' he almost added, but figured Eliott didn't want to hear about his ex.

Not saying anything, Eliott sat up, holding the yellow comforter against his stomach, fingers clutching the soft fabric as memories from La Petite Ceinture flooded his mind. Lucas running up to him, hugging him, kissing his face and drying his tears. The long bus ride to the flatshare and Lucas holding him in the bus. Lucas helping him out of his wet clothes and getting him dry ones before making the bed for them. It all started flooding in and a lump formed in his stomach.

As much as Eliott would've liked to stay at the flatshare with Lucas, leaving was the best option. The only option. He felt good with Lucas and he didn't want it to change. His bipolarity had caused many losses in his life and he doesn't think he could handle losing what he has with Lucas.

There was not doubts, Lucas was strong and had lots of will regarding their relationship, but would he be able to handle it? Being in a relationship with someone who is bipolar isn't a walk in the park. Most of the time Eliott wasn't even able to handle his own dark thoughts and impulsive behavior. How could Lucas?

''I...I can't stay here.''

The insistence bothered the young one. Why was Eliott so keen on leaving? Did he not feel good here, with him? Did he change his mind about them?

Lucas scooted down on the bed and sat so he could face Eliott. ''Why do you want to leave so bad?'' he demanded, searching for Eliott's eyes, the blue-gray irises dull in color. ''I'm not forcing you to stay. I just want to understand.''

Eliott swallowed thickly, his Adam apple bobbing. He had never felt more naked than at this moment. So little people knew about his mental illness and he had never talked openly and honestly about it to anyone before. It was a taboo subject, something he kept from everybody.

Sensing his uncomfortableness, Lucas laced their fingers together as he stared into his empty eyes, still red from last night's tears that stained his cheeks.

''I don't want you to see me like this. All...sad and down,'' Eliott admitted, ashamed of his uncontrollable behavior. ''This is the me I hide from people, the part of myself that I hate the most. T-the part of myself I hate so much that I almost took my own life one year ago...'' Eliott's voice cracked and his bottom lip quivered, eyes filling with tears at the memories.

Heart breaking at the heavy confession, Lucas wanted to pull Eliott in his arms and squeeze him tight. Instead, he squeezed his hand and kissed it.

''I don't expect you to be happy all the time. Even I am not like that. It's humanly impossible,'' Lucas rationalized. ''I don't care if you're lively or down. I'd rather have you here and sleep all day than not having you in my life at all.''

A tiny smile curled on Eliott's lips. It wasn't a full smile, just a curl of his mouth, but it was enough.

In order to lighten up the air, Lucas nudged him. ''You liar.'' Eliott frowned at the sudden accusation and the brunet pursued. ''I thought you couldn't sleep next to me, yet, here you are, taking naps.''

Eliott rolled his eyes. ''You're an idiot.''

Lucas beamed at his boyfriend. ''I'm your idiot.''

In any other circumstance, Eliott would've cringed and shoved him away, but, as they sat in bed, bathing in the sunlight and warmth of the blankets, Eliott accepted his boyfriend's dumbness. It's not like he was any better with the cheesiness. After all, he was the one who texted Lucas song lyrics and made drawings with their spirit animals.

''What should we do now?'' Eliott asked.

He didn't feel like doing anything beside sleeping, not having much energy, but didn't want to make Lucas watch him sleep all day.

''I think that we should say 'hi' properly,'' Lucas suggested, having not had his good morning kiss yet. ''What do you think?''

Despite how grumpy he could be in the morning, Lucas was such a needy baby with Eliott. Always asking for morning kisses and cuddles.

It was okay though, because Eliott was the same.

''I can do that.''

Lucas leaned in and they kissed, sweet and loving, Eliott's fingers releasing their grip on the blanket, feeling his anxiety leave his mind as their lips touched.

''Good morning.''

Lucas chuckled, brushing their noses together. ''It's past noon. It's no longer morning.''

Eliott shrugged carelessly and pressed his face in Lucas's shoulder, the familiar scent of Lucas filling his nose as he nuzzled the grey fabric of his shirt. He had missed him so much. This week apart had been difficult for Eliott. He had been forced to detach himself from Lucas completely although he was craving his touch. He wanted nothing more than to be close to him, to be held by him during his deep and lonely sadness.

The gesture made Lucas smile.

He will always come back to you.

Be there for him. But, only when he wants or needs it.

Lucas wrapped his arms around Eliott and pressed sweet kisses on his cheek and jaw, responding to his boyfriend's demand of affection.

#elu #eliott demaury #Lucas Lallemant #skam france #elu fic #eliott x lucas #lucas x eliott #elu prompts #skam france fic

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Yet another forgotten Lisa Snart Appreciation Week episode exploring if Barry and Lisa had a rapport. 

Lisa looked around the room. It's high ceilings sparkled with hanging lights made of thousands of diamonds, it floors gleamed with freshly waxed marble tiles, golden plaques on the wall thanking it's donators.

She wondered if she would visit this place every day if she were rich.

Probably not, the people here were beyond snobby and whined about how the caviar was grilled not slightly roasted. Maybe she would visit occasionally just for the novelty and the fact that she was rich enough to get into a country club legally.

Unlike now, she was under the name of Mrs. Smith-the most generic name ever- waiting for her husband, Mr. Smith aka the Flash.

Cisco had asked for her help with a mission of some sort against a Man in an Iron Mask. She had no idea who the hell he was and why he chose such a weird costume choice and why she should care, but he begged and then offered to turn the other way the next time the Rogues were on a stealing spree. Lenny would be furious about her helping them, but he would totally thank her for the pass on stealing sprees.

Plus how could she refused the opportunity to see who the Flash really was!

She stroke her blond wig, self-consciously and checked her compact mirror to make sure it was straight. You never knew when disguises started to go wonky in the middle of the plan.

A thin, Caucasian man with brown hair and sweet eyes approached the table, and looked for his place card. She recognized him as Cisco's friend that he always hanged out with at the bar and at the Lab. Barry something.

He was the Flash?

But but he was so, so not muscley or intimidating and he was a scientist. Well that explained how he was always able to understand everything Cisco and that doctor girl was saying.

"Hello sweetie, I think your place card is here next to me, your darling wife." Lisa purred, and waved the card with her fingers.

Barry's face morphed into one of confusion, then realization dawned on him and he hissed.

"What are you doing here, Snart?"

"Calm down Speedy. Cisco asked me to do this. Guess your uptight doctor wouldn't pretty enough to convince people she was rich. Can't blame you."

"Caitlin is very pretty and only couldn't do it because we need her at the base to set up the cameras. More importantly, why did Cisco asked you of all people?" Barry shook his head worriedly, "I swear I'm going to kill him if this fails." "What?" Lisa pouted, but with a sincerely offended tone "I'm an expert at these kind of things, you should be thankful I'm helping you."

"Hardly." Barry muttered, but he sighed and went to business mode.

"Here's the exact plan. You are only going to act like my wife and not make a big scene, while I look for the Iron Mask. Got it. Nothing else."

Lisa rolled her eyes. The Flash was almost as bad her brother. She wasn't going to ruin the mission. She meant what she said about being good at these kinds of cons. And she hated the fact that he thought just because she was who she was that she would be incapable of pulling off this kind of mission.

They sat next to each other, glancing around the room in silence when a elderly waiter approached them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith, in behalf of Central City's Wildhills Country Club I would like to congratulate you on your 10th year anniversary."

"Uh why I'm yeah thanks." Barry stammered.

"Yes thank you so much!" Lisa swooped in, clutching Barry's arm lovingly, "Barrykins and I are super happy we made it this far. Right sweetie-pie" Lisa grinned, devilishly at him as he looked at her in surprise

"Yes, snoopi-poo and I can't imagine our lives without each other." Barry chimed in, squeezing her tightly as she cringed at the name.

"When I hear her snore at night, it's the most musical sound in the world. It's like an orchestra" Barry he continued with an overly-perky voice.

"And when honey buns buns trips over the rug and breaks our Ming vase, I can't believe I married such a cute klutz" Lisa countered an even happier voice, then turned his face to nuzzle noses.

The waiter gave them a strange look, before saying "Good, good tell me when you've placed your order" and walked off. "Snoopi-poo!" Lisa cried, punching his shoulder.

"You started it! Barrykins really?" Barry snorted.  "We've been "married" for 10 years I was trying to make it convincing.” Lisa protested. 

They settled back to easy silence and ordered their food. Barry looking around the room, discreetly as Lisa eyed the jewelry on the patrons. The ruby necklace would look great with her pink peasant blouse that she got. Maybe if she could just accidentally trip her way.... Wait what was she thinking? This place is full of rich guys!

She could just flirt and adultery her way into getting a nice ring or two.

"Everybody! Everybody!" A man dressed in a tux, whom Lisa assumed was the manager, stood up clinking his glass.

"Since it's almost Valentine's Day I would like to call up some of our favorite couples to talk about their marriage. Mr and Mrs. Loomis, our golden couple reaching their 62 anniversary."

Lisa ignored the couples getting up to talk and she could Barry was getting increasingly bored and fidgety.

She looked around, she doubted that the man they were chasing would come with his Iron Mask on so what the hell was he looking around. The room was only filled with elderly WASPS, she swore they were the only couple under 60 there.

She leaned over to him, and whispered "I think we should check in the back rooms like storage. That's always wear Lenny, Mick and I go when we tried to infiltrate these kinds of things. No one notices extra stuff in storage." "That could work,” Barry mumbled.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" The manager boomed "Come in up here!" Lisa and Barry looked at each other in panic. 

“Maybe it's another Smith couple. It's such a common name." Lisa gave a dry laugh.  But the whole room was staring at them. Of course. They shuffled slowly to the center of the room and plastered fake grins.

“What can I say about our marriage" Barry stalled "What can I say? Um it's been a struggle....uh yeah. But we always pull through." Lisa groaned under her breath, this was bad.

"What he means is that.." Lisa added, searching for something to say about love.

"We, we are always there for each other. When you're scared, you run, when you can't run you crawl. When you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you. That's my husband. If had I dare to choose, I'd choose him over all the men over all the planets the night sky could show me."

The crowd clapped, and Barry stared at her in shock.

"Thank you" he called too loudly into the microphone. She brushed past the manager and they ran offstage.

"Here you go" she handed him a set of keys she swiped from the manager. Lenny had taught her a long time ago how to pick pocket by just brushing past someone. Less conspicuous.

"Wow, that was fast" Barry said, looking over the keys as they existed the room. "Wait up" A voice called out, running behind them.

"Barry why are you pretending to be Mr. Smith," A Hispanic man asked, and she recognized him. Cisco's piano brother. Wait Cisco's brother!

He seemed to recognize her too "Why are you with Captain Cold's sister! Do you know she's Captain Cold's sister? I'm liable to call the police on you" He threatened.  

She placed a hand over his mouth "If you call the police, I might have to touch you on your special part" She whispered.  "What kind of threat is that?" Piano brother hissed, when she took off her hand. “Barry hand me your phone, no actually just dial 911 you have no idea what weapons she could be.." Lisa kneed him in the crotch.

He collapsed to the ground, she grabbed Barry's arm and ran out, after she stopped to get her coat and hobo bag that concealed her gun and he quickly changed to his costume.

"You didn't have to kneed him there" Barry walked quickly as they tried to look for the back entrance that might lead to the storage room.

"Collateral damage besides Cisco told me about him. He sounds like an asshole" She muttered. 

"He may exhibit some asshole-like qualities but you just don't tell a guy you're going to touch his special place and then hit it." Barry protested.  "Maybe you don't.” Lisa grinned as Barry opened a door hidden behind a bunch of well-coiffed shrubs.

"And you watch Firefly?" Barry asked excitedly. Lisa froze. She chose those quotes for her impromptu anniversary speech because she didn't think anyone watched that show.

"Maybe?" Lisa stammered.  "I love that show! I can kill you.."

"With my mind." Lisa finished, and scowled at his enthusiastic, mocking grin. She couldn't believe she shared the same guilty pleasure as the Flash.

"I just enjoy it from time to time" Lisa defended herself "It's not like I dress up for Halloween or anything" She smirked at the sheepish look that crawled onto his face. "Oh Speedster," Lisa shook her head. 

Barry sparked back to life though, and started asking questions "What did you think of Walsh's death in the movie?"

"I don't consider the movie canon." Lisa replied.  "Yeah, I mean it was totally unnecessary. Oh and what is with River not wearing shoes?"

Lisa glared at him. 

"We're getting friendly, this is weird." Barry said "We should stop." Lisa muttered "Right now. Let's stop right now."

They scoured the back rooms of the country club and unlike the inside of the spacious place, it was dank and dark and musty as a cave. "Why would the Iron Mask be here anyway?" Lisa asked.  "Don't know his plan exactly, but Cisco heard from Dante that some guy found an Iron Mask under the piano one night here at the club so we figured we'd check out if he or anyone associated with him is hiding here.... You should probably go now."

Lisa sneered at him, and grabbed him by the collar. "Bar- Flashykins,” she growled between clenched teeth "I can help you so would you be a sweetheart and not act like a sexist version of Lenny. Cuz honey I am useful in this kind of thing" She shoved him forward and the two continued on marching.

Suddenly a man jumped in front of them.

"Halt!" he said, brandishing a boa staff.

The Flash sprang into action, speeding around him and throwing punches. Lisa wanted to help but with Barry moving around, she might shoot him instead. But Iron Mask had a trick up his sleeve. He produced a set of handcuffs and cuffed Barry to a near he pillar.

Leaving it between her and him. She didn't like the odds. Though she had fought quite a few big men, she always knew what to expect of those types with the added help of her brother and Mick. But this one she had no idea, and didn't know what other weapons he hid.

She the best trick she had always done, she fake-fainted.

Flash looked in absolute shock, "Lisa" he yelled.

The Iron Mask hardly seemed to notice but ran past her to the door. She turned around, aimed her gun and plastered his feet to the floor with the gold liquid

The with an easy swing she punched him to the ground.

She swung her hips lazily as she helped him get rid of the cuffs using her gun once more, and cracking the gold and cuff off of him.  Flash once more gaped at him. Yeah, she could get use to this face. "That was great!"

"And you thought you could do this without me" Lisa smiled herself at Scarlet's enthusiasm.

"Fine, I was wrong Snart. It takes more than one to deal with villains. There's no I in team." Barry grinned broadly at the cliche. 

"There maybe no I in Team but there's one in my name and that's the rule I go by" Lisa reminded him sensing the friendliness. "Speaking of I's. Here's a plan. You shove this guy into the car. I pick up Mr and Mrs. Smith's dinner, their complimentary coupons to the spa which are so going to be mine and that jewelry case that I saw being auctioned by the front desk"

"You do know there's no jewelry inside the jewelry case right?" "I know that" She snapped.  "Wait, as a "married" couple we should compromise about this" Barry smirked as he lifted Iron Mask into the trunk of the car.

Lisa stared at him, warily.

"I'm dropping you off and we are going to be comparing Firefly notes on the way there.”  Lisa smirked back, "Sure thing Barrykins"

#barry allen #lisa snart #the flash #golden glider #my fanfic #my fanfiction

[psycho-slytherin]

Strangers ch. 37

You finally bite back– and walk in on Yoongi.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 1.5k

Genre: fluff, angst

|mlist|

<–– Prev   Next ––>

You shrug on your coat, beyond relieved to be able to wear your layers again. Commercial filming is done for the day– you only have to show up tomorrow morning and hopefully be done in a few hours. God, you were cold, so cold, and tense. Your phobia has been messing with your head and keeping you on edge, and you’re so fucking angry that you’ve let yourself become weak. You’re a liar; you’ve always managed to bullshit your way around weaknesses. Letting a fear so illogical disrupt your life? You hate it. It’s pathetic.

Your phone buzzes as you wait inside the studio for Lisa to pick you up, and you check it– it might be Yoongi, and you could use a mood booster.

@captainkookie21: lol @yourname is such a royal bitch, amirite??

Ah, yes. Of course. Of course, why would it be Yoongi, when you’ve got such merciless hatred to keep you constant company? Why would it ever be Yoongi? You’re just friends, it’s not like he cares– why should he care? You’re typing before you realize it; you’re sick of taking all this shit.

@yourname: @captainkookie21 royal is right sweetie I’m such a queen <3 glad u at least know my name tho since I sure don’t know yours ;)

You send the tweet and shove your phone in your purse. The anger inside you has been temporarily assuaged, but you can still feel it bubbling beneath your skin. You’re pathetic, you’re weak, you’re a liar, and everyone hates you. You’ve spent so long in despair– god, when will you ever just get a break? Why can’t something just go right?

Your phone rings, and the caller ID tells you it’s your best friend.

“Lisa? Are you outside?”

“Hey girl! Sorry, I’m calling to tell you I can’t make it– an assignment I forgot about came up in class and I gotta pull an all-nighter to get it finished. I’m really sorry! Call a car back to yours, okay? Love you, mwah!”

You grit your teeth and sigh. You need to go home and watch YouTube until your eyes bleed. Usually when you needed cheering up you’d watch BTS crack videos or Run episodes, but even that seems wrong now that you know them for real.

Whatever. You take an Uber home and fall onto your bed. Maybe you’ll actually fall asleep early for once once.

~~~

@kceleb-updates: NEW! #MoonOverTheSea’s @yourname was criticized for replying to a Netizen anti’s tweet! Y/n’s had lots of controversy since becoming @BTS_twt’s #SUGA’s girlfriend. Stay tuned!

Hoseok sits back with a sigh. “She really can’t go a day without sparking some argument or another.”

“It’s not her fault,” Yoongi growls, scribbling rapidly in a beat-up notebook.

“She could’ve left well enough alone. After dealing with those haters for so long, I thought she knew that by now.”

“It’s only gotten worse since they made us pretend to date. I still don’t know why Manager-nim thought it would be a good idea.”

“Hyung, if you didn’t have the dating excuse to be together, they would’ve slut-shamed her or called her a social climber for being out with you at night anyways. The photo, remember?” Hoseok shrugs, sprawled on the bed of their Japanese hotel room. “Face it– there’s no winning when she’s associated with us; they’re always going to compare her to you.”

“Ugh! I should’ve– done something, I should’ve said something! Hobi, she was put in danger because of me!” Yoongi still doesn’t look up, only gripping his pen tighter. “She keeps saying she’s fine but she’s not, and I know she’s strong– stronger than I was, than I could ever be– but she was hurt, nearly killed, and she’s fucking traumatized because of it. Because of me.”

“Quit beating yourself up, Yoongi hyung. Y/n is a grown woman and she’s making her own choices. She’s trying to protect you– haven’t you noticed? Jeez, she probably knew this was how you’d react– no wonder she kept it a secret.”

“I don’t need protecting anymore.”

“Neither does she.”

“But the haters–”

“So do something about them then. Y/n already has,” Hobi nods at his phone. “What are you going to do?”

Yoongi stares at his notebook. “What I do best.”

~~~

“Y/n, please, darling, don’t make me beg! C’mon, eyes closed, you don’t even have to kiss his cheek, just get closer to him.”

You swallow nervously and nod, before taking a breath and leaning forward, your lips barely brushing Wonho’s smooth skin.

“Perfect… trail your hand down his neck, that’s it… Wonho, give me a lip bite, look right into the camera– yes, exactly! We’ll have the music swell, and add the voiceover right here. And… cut! I think that’s our take!” The staff applauds as the director calls out the end of the commercial shoot. You grin inwardly– if you hurry, you can make it to the boys’ apartment for dinner.

Wonho extends a hand as you leave the set. “It was nice working with you, y/n. I hope to see you around sometime.”

You smile and shake his hand. Wonho had really been the best part of this freezing, somewhat demeaning endeavor. “Same, it was a good experience. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.”

Lisa hasn’t texted since yesterday, so you figure she’s still working on the assignment. So much for no more rideshare apps, you think dryly as you’re dropped off a few blocks from the boys’ place. You can’t wait to surprise them, and it’ll be a good chance to ask Jimin for another video for Lisa.

You pull your hood up to cover your hair– bundled in all your layers, and with the sunset’s last breath settling over the city, the crowd of ARMYs clustered around the building ignore you easily. You slip into the side door using the spare key Yoongi lent you when you stayed with them and tiptoe up the stairs.

Holding back a giggle, you knock on the door to the apartment, and… nothing. No one answers. You knock harder– still nothing. Maybe they’re watching a movie? Or was their flight delayed? Yoongi said everyone would be back by Saturday evening and they have a private jet anyways, so they should be home.

You try the door and find it unlocked. Huh. It’s not trespassing if you’re their friend, right?

Tentatively you enter the house. “Guys…?” It feels eerily empty– maybe their flight was delayed. No, wait! You hear a voice, and music coming from down the hall. Are they recording? You’ve never been into any of their studios, but you’ve seen enough pictures online to know all about them.

Maybe you should leave. You’re about to turn around when you hear a muffled, yet familiar voice.

“So when there’s someone new… no, that’s not it.”

Well, at least you know your Yoongi is home. You quietly pad closer to the famed Genius Studio– You’re just curious, like any fan would be. You’re about to knock on the door when you hear something that stops you cold.

“Ugh– y/n!”

You practically jump out of your skin. Wait, what? Does he know I’m here? How? Your every drop of blood turns to ice and you back away from the door in case it swings open. Instead, Yoongi only continues; perhaps he’s talking to himself?

“Okay, okay. Trying again. This is take, uh… sixteen? Seventeen? Aish, who cares. C’mon, Agust, gotta get it right.” Yoongi’s muffled voice shifts in tone as a beat starts, and you can see Agust D in your mind’s eye when he begins to rap:

“Here’s someone new, a challenger to drown and rue, but think about it, mull it over, she’ll talk until you’re drop-dead sober, dock some points, you’re so below her, do your best to fucking loathe her, love her, think yourself so much above her–”

You feel half-hypnotized. Her? Who’s her? Maybe you should knock, it almost feels too personal, too intimate to overhear but you can’t interrupt, not now–

“She’s stronger than I’ll ever be, so if you’re gonna hate, hate me.”

If Yoongi keeps executing these perfect rhythmic shifts and internal rhymes you might be in serious danger of falling in love with him for real.

“Calling people snakes on a verbal kill spree only exacerbates the pain, trapping us in our brains, until there’s one way out, goddamn.”

“Beautiful,” you whisper, barely noticing that you’ve spoken aloud. Yoongi’s words, his raps, his poetry… it’s beautiful. You’re entranced to the point that you don’t notice the beat has stopped.

“Did you say something, Jimin-ssi?” Yoongi calls from inside his studio.

Oh shi-

The door swings open before you can react and Yoongi steps out. His expression is relaxed, unguarded... until he catches sight of you.

“Y-Y/n?”

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, lovelies! Hope you enjoyed <3 As always, thanks for reading, and please don’t forget to like, comment, and reblog!

#bts #bangtan #suga #yoongi #min yoongi #min suga #bts yoongi #bts suga #bts fluff #bts angst #bts drabble #bts series #bts au #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi au #yoongi drabble #suga fluff #suga angst #suga drabble #suga au #yoongi series #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #bts x reader #bts fic #yoongi fic #suga fic #bts fanfic #yoongi fanfic

[lightninginapuddle]

Episode 8 brought the high to a new level... And the worst of the low. Fans were so excited for the social media content we were about to have of those two lovesick mecs, and at the same time, even as clowns, we knew shit was about to go down and end in PAIN.

And boy, it did exactly that.

Let’s go right into part 7 of my trip down memory lane of those moments that got us shook, excited and all that jazz in season 3.

Episode 8, or … “The one where Eliott is in every clip… IN THIS ECONOMY?”

No, I’m not kidding, Eliott… in. every. single. clip. After 7 weeks of waiting for him to appear and us joking around that he only showed up on Fridays in the same brown jacket, having so many scenes with Eliott was a blessing.

Little did we know it was to make the ending even more painful.

Yeah, thanks for that David.

So… The episode made the fandom go from this:

To this:

And finally, to this:

Seriously, we needed those.

It was vital.

Adding a ‘read more’ right here ‘cause you guys know by now that I can’t control myself:

1)     The weekend that turned the fandom into a puddle of goo.

So.

Let’s go back to Saturday morning.

We knew the “Man of my dreams” scene was about to drop.

We knew Eliott was about to dance to a ridiculous song (which btw had the French fans guessing which one it would be for WEEKS and because of the Booba song in the credit, we thought it might be that one).

We knew we were going to die of happiness.

We just didn’t know we’d have to wait this long to have it …

(Well… 11am. We really were a bunch of dramatic clowns, weren’t we?)

… And that Eliott wasn’t going to dance at all in that scene… “WHERE IS MY ELIOTT DANCING SCENE?”

(In episode 2 apparently)

… And that the “Mannen i mitt liv” love confession wasn’t going to happen either.

Lmao.

The first step of our melt-down started with the first clip.

The clip started with Sleeping Lucas:

But ‘oh no!’ Eliott was gone:

And the fandom knew Eliott was still there, but “WHERE DID THEY SLEEP?”

“Wait, did they go home still covered in paint?”

“Why are they at Lucas’ when Eliott lives alone???”

And then we remembered about this guy:

(Oh? He was alive then... Good to know)

“Uh oh, mass = church = O Helga Natt scene = We gon’ die.”

Yeah, you know the one.

And then Lucas heard Eliott’s voice:

(That shot is a LOOK)

Eliott was very proud of his deadly omelette:

Then, because he has no shame, Eliott asked this:

The fandom was living for it.

Ya hear?

LIVING!

Me-?-Hearing-you-having-loud-sex-?-NEVER face:

But Lisa came in and told them that yes, they were loud, and she proceeded to roast everybody:

(Skam France, please, I’m trying to get cool screenshots and I couldn’t get ANY from Lisa’s face. Help a girl out here!)

So, really, NO SHAME:

When they were left alone, Lucas made this face:

And it was all because of this guy who acted all innocent:

So Lucas called him out:

“Yes Lucas! You guys still need to talk!”

So Eliott tried to hypnotize Lucas with his eyes:

And it worked:

“Lucas!! You’re so whipped!!”

And when they finally said they both wanted something serious, Eliott smiled happily:

And then this one begged for a kiss:

And it was one hell of a kiss:

Love that for us.

The mood of the clip was very that:

“GET IT LUCAS!”

The second step of our melt-down started after the first clip, when we got BOMBARDED by social media update throughout the weekend.

If I remember correctly, this happened first:

So, of course the fandom was like “HE SAW ELIOTT’S POSTS ABOUT HIM!!” and then “But what about the other ones? Is he not going to ask any questions? He’s not curious??”

I remember people praying that Lucas would feel intrigued by Eliott’s other posts, but it didn’t come up.

Also, a lot of the fandom felt ROBBED about not seeing Lucas discovering Eliott’s IG on camera. People wanted a clip with it so bad and I think they wanted the PONI clip to include it.

Oh well.

Then, the first pictures dropped where Lucas warned us he might not survive that omelette:

(Did we survive that omelette?)

And Eliott was like “my boyfriend is throwing up in the sink because of me, let’s share it with the world!”:

(Okay then lmao)

Later that day, Lucas posted this story:

The fandom LIVED for that story because:

-Call your girlfriend!!

- That bitch had no shame, petty Lucas going for Lucille without any remorse.

-Axel jumped out of that Insta (and boy was there a debate about that too!)

I think it’s the moment we realised what Maxence meant when they talked in that Serieously interview with that “90% of Axel’s ideas are terrible”.

Yeah, that’s when most of us started realising it.

But then Sunday arrived… And it was over for us.

Because Eliott decided to kill us with this first ever IG picture of them as a couple:

And then this happened:

“OMG, I CAN’T WITH THEM!”

Lucas needed to kill us even more, so we got this one too:

(“Axel… Is that you?”)

(Also… “WAIT? Did Eliott cut his hair????”)

And Lucas’ friends liked that picture too!

So, of course the fandom really wondered how they’d react when they’d meet Eliott officially.

Since, you know, they knew they were together now.

And then Eliott posted this:

And skamlaserie decided to go for the jugular:

“OMG, the parallel universe with Isak/Even, Nicolo/Martino and now Lucas and Eliott!! Skam France, my heart can’t handle this right now!!!”

After Sunday, the fandom was basically thinking one thing:

“They really are going to be that couple, heh? The ‘let’s rub our love in people’s faces’ type of couple!!!”

And we LOVED it.

2)     The butt and dick print mystery

After the weekend that took the fandom straight to Cloud 9, Monday had us wondering how Daphné would react to the mess Lucas and Eliott surely had made in the common room.

I think a lot of us thought she was going to be PISSED.

And also:

“We’re going to see them coming in school hand in hand! Guys it’s happening!”

Yeah...

It didn’t.

Don’t love that for us.

The clip started with the girl squad’s reaction:

And Lucas was a bit like “woops”:

(Whereas Eliott was just admiring it)

But Daphné, contrary to what we thought, LOVED (that) the mural (was made by gay decorators):

(Notice Alex facepalming)

And just because I laughed for five minutes watching this in slow-mo:

(Yes, my montage is ugly. Lmao)

That face was a MOOD.

Those two weren’t very impressed with Daphné either:

Then Lucas left to answer his dad’s text:

“We GET IT! You’re going to the mass! Stop reminding us”

Also “Fuck off! ‘Think of your mother’ my ass! Where were you when Lucas was asking you for money just so he could eat?????? WHERE???”

And Eliott, who was talking to Daphné, made this ‘don’t leave me with her’ face:

“Please Lucas!! Come back!!”

(I can relate to that, I’d be worried too.)

And Lucas bluntly came out to his dad:

“Look at that proud smile!! Lucas we’re so happy for you!!!”

Also, the final glow up of the mec story: from ‘mec, he’s no one’ to ‘he’s my mec”.

Love that for us.

And then they hugged like that:

Just look at this:

“My heart! My heart!”

And Daphné, was a mood tbh:

But the biggest talk of the clip ...

Was something else entirely…

Because right there, in the middle of the mural… Was a butt:

And we knew who was responsible because they were SO proud of it:

“OMG!!! Eliott is like ‘Yeah, we did that, what about it?’”

So, Alexia and Emma made it a point to discover which body part belonged to whom:

They even had to talk about it on IG:

Remember how at the end of episode 7, people were wondering whose butt it was that we saw?

Well, Alexia was a representation of the fandom at that point:

(But honestly though, a butt, I understand it can leave a mark if it’s pressed against a wall, but who rubs their dick on a wall? I’m… concerned. Especially since that dick is the size of the butt lmao.)

Bless Manon for giving us this though:

3)     The clip where the boy squad was actually the Skam France fandom

After seeing the girl’s reaction to the butt but mostly, to Lucas and Eliott’s relationship, the fandom was pretty happy (and some surprised) about how ‘public’ they were.

So, with the girls now aware of that new development, the fandom was very curious about how it was going to go down with the boys.

The third clip dropped on Tuesday and started off with Basile talking about Daphné (AGAIN):

And they bumped into a very smiley Eliott:

Lucas was like “sup, mec?”:  

And he waited a bit, for suspense’s sake:

(Because he’s a dramatic hoe remember?)

And those guys CLEARLY had no idea:

(Guys, we’ve seen you liking that IG pic, you been knew!)

Then Lucas spilled the beans:

And CHAOS erupted:

(And I think Yann stole Arthur’s teeth)

“OMG, those guys are so EXTRA”:

(And that blond girl was judging them so HARD)

But those guys loved it:

Special mention to that moment where Lucas was denied yet another kiss:

Another special mention to the fact it was called “La violence” and we didn’t understand at ALL why it was tilted that way. It turned out it was a line that was taken out, but boy were we CONFUSED.

Now, I know what you’re going to say.

“But what about the rest of that clip?”

Well…

I was keeping it for later.

Meaning right now:

4)     “Eliott is not going to show up on Wednesday”

Let’s go back to earlier in the Tuesday clip.

When I said we couldn’t wait to see the boys’ reaction, it was actually 50/50, because fans were mostly worried thinking about that scene in OG.

Remember, Even had acted strangely in that clip, so fans were on high alert for Eliott’s behavior, looking for ‘signs’ of a potential manic episode.

So, in the clip, Yann said this:

As well all know, Wednesdays of Season 3 have left a trauma in the Skam France’s fandom.

Because after Mercredi 13h43 and Mercredi 13h37, fans were now very, VERY weary when a date was given for a Wednesday, especially when Eliott was concerned.

So, when Eliott said he’d love to come…:

… Fans were triggered.

“He’s not going to come” was definitely the first thing a lot of fans thought right away.

And it didn’t get better when Yann said Lucas was not Eliott’s father:

(They had a good laugh about it but AT WHAT COST?)

“Oh God, Lucas is going to become controlling and Eliott is not going to like it right?”

And then Lucille called:

(Lucas’ face was a mood tbh)

And the mood definitely changed in that moment:

That guy was NOT pleased:

(Typical ‘Bitch, please’ look if you ask me)

But Eliott tried to hypnotize Lucas with his eyes again:

But Lucas wasn’t really falling for it this time:

So Eliott did that:

And “damnit Lucas!” It worked:

And then Eliott killed the fandom by doing this again:

And kissed him a second time:

And then came back for a third kiss:

And a FOURTH?:

(I mean, love that for us)

Then he walked backwards:

(Because why not?)

And Lucas had completely forgotten about Lucille:

(Lovesick I tell you!)

The fandom: “Friday who? Don’t know her”

Lucas didn’t really forget about her though, because later that day, we got this:

That text convo got the fandom pretty worried.

Because we knew that Skam France like to be more dramatic and we had severe trust issue.

And we knew the shoe had to drop at some point, so the fandom was really overanalysing everything.

So when Lucas said ‘I’m happy you’re coming tomorrow’ and Eliott answered with that big smiley face, the fans freaked out.

There were really three main theories about the Wednesday clip:

-        Eliott wasn’t going to show up

-        We weren’t getting a clip and all we were having would be IG posts from the boys wondering why Eliott wasn’t there.

-        Eliott was going to come but he was going to be very EXTRA and weird and maybe have a very public breakdown

So needless to say, we were all dreading that upcoming clip.

Little did we know; the Wednesday clip was NOTHING like we expected.

Special mention to that comment: ‘I don’t make noise yet when I think of you’ who made a lot of fans very confused, even French people (heck, that sentence still hurts my brain and I’m French, the literary student in Eliott really jumped out here tbh).

5)     The clip that no one asked for… Literally.

So, remember, the tension was very intense on Wednesday and we were waiting anxiously for the clip to drop.

And when it did, we saw a bunch of people studying:

“Ok…? But where is Lucas though? Show him to me Skam France!”

And suddenly, we saw those two cuddling against a tree:

They were soft:

Hands were delicately caressing arms:

And plans were made for Friday:

“Ah… So, we worried for nothing because Eliott showed up and he’s acting completely normally.”

But also:

“So… It’s not an impulsive act? Eliott isn’t pulling an Even and randomly checking in a suite?”

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?”

And then… Well from then on, fans weren’t very happy with that clip initially.

Well except for Daphné telling Basile to piss off:

“YES DAPHNE, you tell him!”

And Alexia talking menstruation with her boyfriend who made that face:

And then we got this switch in POV… That lasted 2min:

That clip got a LOT of people pissed off.

“We see Eliott and Lucas for 30 sec out of a 4:30 clip? REALLY? And that switch in POV? WTF?”

“They put the ‘Hate comes from fear’ speech in episode 7 instead of 8 for THIS?”

But some fans were not that bothered by it, because we were only missing 2 main clips at that point:

-        Lucas coming out to his mom (that we didn’t end up having AT ALL in episode 8)

-        the Hotel Scene

Also, the side plots needed to develop a bit more (so the Daphné/Basile storyline that NO ONE wanted at this point and the Manon/Charles relationship status).

And more than half of the episode was left to be seen.

But hey, we still got this picture from “Stalkeuse” Daphné:

6)     The clownery for season 4… was very strong in this episode

Something that is quite heart-breaking going back through season 3 events is the HYPE around season 4.

So many people were really intrigued and pleasantly surprised about how they were mapping season 4 with little winks in season 3.

First, we got that little exchange between Eliott and Imane in the Monday clip:

“It’s a SIGN! Guys, Eliott and Imane are RISING! It’s going to be amazing I KNOW it!”

Yep, fans thought we’d get to see a LOT of Eliott and Imane’s friendship in season 4 and we then knew for sure that they knew each other from before. And it got the fandom very excited to know more about Eliott’s backstory.

(I’m sorry for bringing this up, I really am)

And then, we got that conversation between Emma and Manon in the Wednesday clip:

Because they took that clip and basically gave it to Manon to explain about Charles, fans thought that Manon’s relationship drama wouldn’t take over Imane’s season.

Yep.

The clownery was very real.

(Again, I’m sorry for bringing this up)

7)     The clip that got us bawling our eyes out

The fans knew the episode wasn’t going to end well.

We knew we were heading for pain and sorrow and heartbreak.

And we knew Skam France loved to hurt us as much as they loved to make us happy.

Theories were running wild, but the fans were clowning themselves for the after Lucas knows Eliott is bipolar the most:

“Lucas is going to have a different reaction than Isak, he saw the other IG posts : he’s going to fight for Eliott”

“Eliott will pull back but Lucas will say ‘NOPE’”

“Lucas will NEVER believe Lucille when she tells him Eliott’s feeling weren’t real, NEVER”

“Oh God … They were SO public; this is going to be baaaaad”

This and a LOT more, fans were so so worried.

Also, fans couldn’t wait to see Maxence acting out a manic episode, expectations were high (remember the fans who thought he couldn’t act? There were still some of those running around).

We waited 2 full days for the last clips, waiting anxiously to be crushed all over again.

The worst was knowing that half of the episode was left. HALF.

First, we got these around 16h/17h:

“This is not a drill!! We have a time of death. Doom is upon us!! Everybody HIDE!”

Now...

Just know it’s about to be PAIN from then on, I’m warning you right now.

I’m sorry to make you relive this, I truly, truly am.

The second to last clip started with the guys goofing around:

(I’m not going to lie, I love that scene… up until THAT moment, you know which one I’m talking about)

And we got that wholesome moment where Lucas was very us in that moment, because “Where did Eliott take Lucas???”:

“Guys, stop, you’re too cute!”

And Eliott was very excited about it:

And bless him, Lucas was in awe:

(LOOK AT THAT FACE!!)

Look at that face too, Eliott was so happy:

Then we got the “c’est mon mec, il est canon” that fans REALLY wanted to see in that version:

Seriously, they are going to give me a heart attack:

“Tu viens?” Which led to “Aller!”:

ICONIC.

(That whole interaction was gold)

Then we got that part where those guys had a “fancy” little diner:

Which gave us this very used “TEA” meme:

And it wasn’t even real champagne:

”We still love you Eliott, it’s okay.”

Then Lucas was super playful and acted like a culinary expert or something:

(The power of ham, a power I never expected)

Then Eliott tried to hypnotize Lucas again:

And boy was Lucas WILLING :

And we FINALLY got the shotgun fans were asking for all season:

Then we got EYES:

No, really, look at that:

(Dear God, guys, this shit is too powerful)

Then we jumped straight to the sex scene:

(That a lot of fans thought was “TOO SHORT!!! I WANT MORE!”)

We saw a lot of rolling around:

And hands roaming everywhere:

And Lucas was loving every moment:

(Good for you Lucas!)

And then…

Well we know things got real very fast:

At first they talked about their wedding:

And Lucas was like “Oook…??”:

(I mean, same, marriage scares the shit out of me)

But he was mostly weirded out by the Menu at the wedding:

(“First the toxic omelette and now chips and ham? Do you hate people, Eliott?”)

And then his face morphed from this:

(Or “Hahaha, Eliott, you’re so goofy!”)

To this:

(Or “Okay mec, you’re starting to freak me out a little”)

Because Eliott was just…:

… Very into his dealing weed-Cold War of Ham story:

No, really, he thought it was hilarious:

“Damnit Maxence, why did you have to be so good in that scene?”

Yeah, mood:

Then Eliott asked how many Lucas and Eliott were married in other parallel universes:

“SO MANY ELIOTT!!”

But then it took a dark turn, and Lucas wasn’t amused anymore:

“Don’t say shit like that Eliott, please! Everything is going to be fine; I promise!!!”

Really not amused:

(That scene was hard to watch, so very hard)

“Oh God… Can we go back to when the clip started, and they were two lovesick idiots goofing around? This isn’t what I want!!!”

Oh yeah, we also got this:

But most of us had already watched the episode by then, so we were like

😬

Thanks I guess?

And then the last clip started…

And boy, the fandom wasn’t ready for it.

Because Eliott was clearly not having the best of time:

“It hurts, it hurts! Eliott, please come into my arms”

And then he decided to put his shoes on to go swimming:

(So, nothing out of the ordinary right? RIGHT?)

Except that the waters of La Seine are very unsanitary, and you just DON’T swim in it.

I’m not kidding, people died because they did, if you come to Paris, don’t do it.

So, needless to say, the fans started to freak out.

If Lucas was puzzled at first:

He still went back to sleep:

“WTF??? Lucas WAKE UP! LUCAS!!!”

And then he got it:

“Yes, Lucas, you need to move NOW!”

And then Axel murdered that scene and the fandom with it.

Lucas was very worried at first:

Like, very:

Then the panic came:

And, Oh God, that face was just heart-breaking:

Then he called Lucille:

(Look at that body language though, Axel… “WHERE’S YOUR OSCAR???”)

And he freaked out some more:

(It was unbearable to watch him pace around like this and be a simple viewer)

Then we waited for Lucille to arrive:

And when she did, Lucas was pure confusion and terror:

(This performance really reminds me of how old how Lucas really is tbh, he looks so young)

Then Lucille yelled at Lucas that Eliott was bipolar:

And a lot of fans were like “Here we go again with people talking for Eliott and not letting him say it himself”

Lucas was like ‘what?’:

After more yelling from Lucille and Lucas feeling terrible about the situation, Lucille got a phone call from the police:

But Lucas was SO relieved that Eliott was safe:

So he decided he was coming with her to see Eliott:

“Yes! Lucas wants to see Eliott! He loves him too much! Everything is going to be fine!!!”

But nope.

Because she opened her mouth and crushed his hopes (and ours):

“SHUT UP LUCILLE! No one asked for your opinion! You don’t know ANYTHING!”

And then she talked for Eliott (AGAIN!) and added this vicious little comment:

(Thank you, Lucille, no really, thank you so much)

Don’t love that for us:

Yeah… mood:

And of course, because we weren’t gutted enough, we got this text where Lucas was freaking out:

OUCH.

“I take it Lucas isn’t going to take Eliott’s bipolarity well then?”

Love that for us.

Not.

But basically, after those 2 clips, the fandom was very much like this:

“GIVE THEM ALL AN OSCAR YOU COWARDS!”

And went straight back to that now essential survival kit:

8)     Because I refuse to let this post end on such a depressing note, here’s what happened that week on social media.

Samedi 9h17 reached 1 million views that week.

(And Vendredi 18h35 was already at more than 500K views when Samedi 9h17 did THAT)

We got that interview from BFM TV (a French News Channel that EVERYBODY makes fun of because they are very bad, but hey, they gave us Skam content):

The second one was of Axel saying that Maxence had to do nothing to get girls (Look who’s talking lmao)

And the third one was Axel going OFF about popularity in High School.

Special mention to us clowns, praying for a « shower » text and never getting it

We also got the first part of Maxence and Axel’s interview for Melty (also a website who doesn’t have the best of reputation tbh)

That interview basically told us about the Mural scene and how they hadn’t seen each other for a few days before filming it, how they missed each other, and how they didn’t even pay attention when David yelled ‘CUT’.

(and we didn’t know at that moment how MANY infos we were going to get about that scene lmao)

Speaking of which, David killed us right of the bat on Saturday morning with that BTS post:

Maxence did a bunch of lives that week.

In one of them, this happened:

Yep, Sir srodulv himself broke the fourth wall.

Also: “PLEASE MAXENCE, SPEAK IN ENGLISH!!!!” and Maxence “NAH”

And then Axel made an appearance to troll Maxence during that live:

And Maxence’s reply: “And you’re a little hedgehog”.

The fans were MELTING.

We also got some BTS for Sidaction and Sos-Homophobie:

And the Echo concert happened where Maxence wore this:

And where he learned someone had adopted a real raccoon for him (Maxence couldn’t stop talking about it)

Special mention to the fans who were freaking out online thinking people were overcrowding Maxence and promising a CRUSADE on the fans doing this to him. It turned out, it wasn’t like that at all and the night was pretty chill overall. The Skam France fandom is really that dramatic.

We also got that BTS photo:

And last, but certainly NOT LEAST, we got that amazing interview of Maxence for Actor’s Factory.

We learned that Maxence is just plain adorable:

And this too:

But mostly, we learned that Maxence was Eliott’s number 1 fan:

And then Maxence got us all crying when we realised how much he related to Eliott:

And he killed us when he said that:

MUST. PROTECT. AT ALL COST:

To conclude:

#trip down memory lane season 3 #skam france #please don't block it again tumblr #please it's already way too long to edit #part 7 is even longer than part 6 #really I have lost all control #I'm sorry about it #especially since a big chunk of it is PAIN #making this one remotely fun was a CHALLENGE #I'm pretty sure I failed lmao #But the pain was too real #I'm only human #go make yourself a drink or something #because reading this might take a while