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deadmomjokes · 2 years

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PSA: tomatoes are not spicy. Tomatoes and tomato products should not be spicy. Pizza sauce isn't inherently spicy. Tomato-based pasta sauce is not spicy. Ketchup is NOT spicy.

If tomatoes are spicy, you have an allergy to tomatoes.

This announcement brought to you by my almost 29-year-old husband learning for the first time in his 2.8 decades of putting food products into his mouth that spaghetti and saucy pizza aren't spicy foods

#his amazement at our daughter eating spaghetti willingly #when apparently he's been suffering in silence over there his whole life #and i'm like ????#and he's like ''you didn't make this spicy?''#NO #NO I DID NOT #and he just blue screens for a minute #and i'm like YOU THINK SPAGHETTI IS SPICY???#and he's all ''yeah that's why i prefer we don't have it very often''#the absolute SHOCK i tell you #turns out he hates ketchup because it's spicy and he never understood why people wanted to dip fries in spicy sauce #i was like ''DUDE ketchup is supposed to be sweet and maybe a touch tangy but also cool and refreshing''#and he's like ''SWEET?????''#so uh yeah turns out dude's allergic to tomatoes and he just assumed everyone had a way higher spice tolerance than him #cuz he can find ''non spicy'' food too hot #and it's just all tomato based stuff and we never thought to connect the dots #mild salsa? too spicy. IT'S THE TOMATOES.#tacos? too spicy even at baby heat levels. IT'S THE TOMATOES.#prefers alfredo to marinara despite alfredo having objectively more pepper in it than marinara #he thought his spice tolerance was just so wimpy that my 'normal' was too spicy for him #so he's just been dealing with 1-3 meals a week being spicy to him our entire marriage WITHOUT SAYING A WORD #because he didn't want to offend me with his wimpy palate #IT'S THE TOMATOES #it's always been the gosh darn tomatoes

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arunneronthird · 1 year

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actually i think battinson deserves one (1) best friend so he doesnt collapse

#ive decided to stop acting like im not obsessed with this two and their issues #also wow its been a hot minute since i had to draw ripped guys i tried my best #superman #batman #superbat #bruce wayne #clark kent #dc comics #my art #ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.

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hayden-christensen · 14 days

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OBI-WAN KENOBI (2022) Cinematography by Chung-Hoon Chung

@pscentral event 26: minimalism

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ashwii · 3 months

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Red and blue make something

#I don't actually have anything to say abt this drawing IT JUST EXISTS AHAH #i liked drawing leo in the pink tho it was fun #nothin personal leo #but this is what u get for being my fav #ANYWAY hi to you guys :3c been a hot minute :3c #tmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fanart #ashart #ashrender #favart

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royalarchivist · 4 months

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Over 6 years ago, Technoblade and Etoiles played together on United UHC. Although they never got to meet each other on the QSMP, it's nice to see that they already had some nice banter and a fun dynamic developing during the brief time they knew each other. Here are some highlights from the video where they played together!

Subscribe to Technoblade! Technoblade's United UHC video

[ Part 1 || Part 2 || Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

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Technoblade: Bonjour, mis amis! (Hello, my friends!) Oh god, we already have a zombie on us. No! It's targeting me 'cuz I have subs!

Etoiles: Excellent teammates.

Technoblade: Do trees spawn in these worlds?

Etoiles: [Laughing at a screenshot of Technoblade saying "deforestation has gotten pretty bad"]

Technoblade: It's gotten pretty bad, man. What is this?

Etoiles: B-bonjour.

Technoblade: Stop speakin' Chinese.

Etoiles: You're the best Skywars player, dude. That's why.

Technoblade: That doesn't mean much.

Technoblade: Oh my god, I found diamonds!

Etoiles: Oh, whoa.

Technoblade: Subscribe to Technoblade! I'm suddenly a UHC god.

Etoiles: Oh, I got diamonds too! :D

Technoblade: ...Wow, way to ruin my moment. Wow. Can I just have this one moment?

Etoiles: Yeah.

Technoblade: Does everything- does everything need to be a competition? First diamonds I've ever mined in Minecraft.

Etoiles: Let's redo it, Techno. Let's say I don't have diamonds. I don't have diamonds, you have-

Teammate: I found diamonds!

Technoblade: Oh my god.

Technoblade: I have seven diamonds! And I'm not saying that to one-up you, but- I mean I am, but I mean I'm- I'm also tellin' the truth.

Teammate: Nobody knows which one of you guys is the mole.

Technoblade: Yeah, that's gonna be very awkward.

Etoiles: Maybe Technoblade is already-

Technoblade: I'm right behind you.

Etoiles: Technoblade is already saying to his friend-

Technoblade: I'm already in the Mole chat, plannin' your death.

Etoiles: Like, I'm kind of scared of Technoblade, actually.

Technoblade: I'm not even good, why would you be scared of me?

Etoiles: Because you're the King of Bedwars.

Technoblade: Alright, ok, ok, so here's how it works- I get paid per episode, right? So I'm not gonna betray you on Episode 2.

Etoiles: [Laughs]

Technoblade: Now let me enchant.

Etoiles: I'm so bad at hearing sound because when I'm hearing lava-

Technoblade: Nah, it's 'cuz the sounds are in French, isn't it?

Etoiles: [Laughs] I'm gonna kill you, bro.

Technoblade: No!

Etoiles: [Laughs] I'm gonna kill you.

#Technoblade #Etoiles #QSMP #Untitled UHC #Edited #I'll have to upload the next part tomorrow #I decided to add subtitles and that always takes a little bit longer #If it sounds like there's a mic echo it's because there IS a mic echo in the original audio #As always if you have a hard time reading the subtitles please let me know! Happy to adjust the font for the next iteration #been using this one for a hot minute but might switch it up sometime if I find something better #Subtitles #I'll upload the rest tomorrow I've got a few things I gotta wrap up #Portfolio

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barksbog · 5 days

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OPEN for custom plush commissions for the first time in years!

i´m only taking 2-5 slots for now and i´m looking basically for any kind of creature/animal/beast you might want me to make for you!!

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go check out my commission info if you´re interested!!

#i´ve been debating to do this for a hot minute #but i feel like giving it a go so let´s see how it goes!!#plushies #plush #plushblr #handmade

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otterlyart · 1 year

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Take your fate in your hands...

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candycatstuffs · 9 months

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i just think rouge and amy should hang out more (derogatory) <3

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #sonic fanart #amy rose #rouge the bat #sonic #hey dudes it has been. a hot minute #not rly off hiatus yet #but i liked Them alot So

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ashmcgivern · 10 months

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A Draconified King

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emry-stars-art · 4 months

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I’ll continue to wonder why the Trojans make me want a modern/snapchat au so badly lol but I loveeeeee them so much, it’s almost one of the first things I drew for them 😂

I’m imagining they’re on some trip in wintertime and none of them are built for it but Jean, like me, is reluctant to give some things up

More versions under the cut

#dont worry its all in good fun #they argue like married best friends #im so excited to see the dynamic augh #if jean is in fact angry and antisocial but also needs constant conpanionship and guidance...#we know the second point is real #kevin warned jeremy about it #IM SO FASCINATED ALREADY #also jean doesnt have to be Strictly Gay but we all know how the jokes go #fan art #my art #aftg #all for the game #jean moreau #jeremy knox #snapchat au #digital #i will say bleach blond jeremy is incredible but brunet jeremy had my heart for a minute there #this was drawn in the time between #ive been sitting on it for a hot minute sorry 😂

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stopthatfool · 5 months

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Consistently shocked by the idea that people think Bradley Rooster Bradshaw is chill and laid back. He’s actually shockingly unchill. He is the opposite of chill. He did not inherent any of his parents chillness. He’s a loser who’s too invested in everything.

Like ya hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and I cut off my remaining family, surrogate father, and support system for 15 years cuz he pulled my naval academy papers because he didn’t want me to die like my biological father and because my mother wanted me to be free of the navy’s confinements and to exist outside of a system that physically uses me for their own power and political gains— gains I will never experience and feel for myself. A system that sees me as no more than a number, a soldier, something easily replaceable, as a body to be sacrificed in a war that i did not start nor will i finish.

“Bradley's chill.” No he’s not. He’s a beast. He’s a 30 something year old man whose entire purpose revolves around holding a grudge and proving his surrogate father wrong. This beast who literally said this to his surrogate father— "No wife. No kids. Nobody to mourn when you burn in." Beastly. Ghastly thing to say. 15 years and he still hates the guy who's been there for him since day one. He’s a guy who refuses to even begin to understand where Mav was coming from or to even think of what his mother wanted. He’s evil. And I love him.

Hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and when someone brings up a well known, easily accessible fact that my father and surrogate father used to fly together I will try to cause physical harm against them and my friends will have to physically hold me back. I’m Bradley Bradshaw and I was willing to put my entire career on the line (the one in which I put my family aside for) so I can attack and beat this guy up.

I love his big ol’ Bambi eyes… he’s evil and fucked up and he’s not chill. Yes he wears jorts and tropical shirts, but that just means he’s gay and a fucking liar. Just cuz he looks like some surfer dude does not mean that he’s actually laid back like one. He’s lying to himself— trying to convince himself he is something that he is not and never will be. He is unchill. He’s lame. He has undiagnosed anxiety and it physically expresses itself through anger and loserly-ness. He cares so much to the point of self sabotage. He will always be unchill, no matter how much he tries to change that fact.

Y’all ever want to cradle a grown man in your arms? (graphic design is my passion)

#comic sans #is this controversial #debated about posting this.. i've been sitting on these thoughts for a hot minute... but i gotta share #also this isn’t a call out to anything/one specifically. like i mean this. i just felt like making fun of him.#it's mostly just an excuse to talk about him and make that stupid photo #i shouldn't have access to photoshop #also not saying that hangman was in the right in that scene #just saying that if Bradley were actually chill… he would’ve reacted differently #like sure bradley's chill about what coffee he drinks in the morning or if lunch plans change #but he’s unchill about everything else #top gun maverick #top gun #top gun rooster #bradley rooster bradshaw #he's so annoying i lub him #bradley brad bradshaw my beloved #stopthatfool's adventures with photoshop #computer now riddled with blurry pngs #fuck it posting this

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harbingersglory · 4 months

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hii could i req an soft dom arlecchino x sub/fem reader?? something w a really needy whiny reader n maybe like a mommy kink or thigh riding IDK tysm for ur time !

{☆} characters arlecchino {☆} notes drabble, fem reader, sub reader {☆} warnings 18+ content

"Slowly, doll. We're not in a rush." Arlecchino reprimands lightly, squeezing your hips with just enough force to keep you unmoving on her thigh– she was still being gentle, but the subtle warning in her tone spoke to how easily she could push you against the desk and turn you into such a mess that you couldn't even remember your own name..just that you were hers.

But the barest hint of stimulation from her slacks pressed against your throbbing cunt had you twitching, barely able to form words. All you could think about was the scorching, twisting need building in your stomach, desperation for relief slowly climbing until you'd think she was doing this on purpose to drive you mad.

"Please– 'm a good girl, right? I've been good.." You choked out, only to be met with the rough, husky laugh echoing in your ear that made you feel dizzy with a rush of need, her nails gliding along the skin of your hips as she pressed you down even more firmly– you couldn't see her face but it was easy to imagine the crooked smile twisting her lips at the way you inhaled sharply and tried to buck against her thigh.

"Shh. I know, doll. I've got you, just relax." She murmured in that sickly sweet tone that always had your knees buckling, the raspiness of her voice sending shivers down your spine. It was almost impossible to relax with her so close, the notes of metal lingering on her skin despite how well she presents herself– but you trusted her, despite how you know you shouldn't.

"There we go. Good girl." Arlecchino's grip on your hips loosened just enough for you to move if you so wished, and oh did it take every ounce of restraint to not do just that..she hadn't said you were allowed to, and you weren't about to spoil her good mood by being a brat. Not tonight, anyway. "Do you want to cum, doll?"

The fervent nod you offer in place of words draws a laugh from her lips, one that is almost mocking, making your face flush in embarrassment– but the sudden tap against your hip makes your mind go blank to the point you forget it all together, focused only on the feeling of her thigh rubbing against your cunt as you bucked against her thigh, the fabric slick and wet against your inner thighs. You'd have half the heart to be embarrassed about that, too, if not for the sudden brush of her thumb against your aching, neglected clit. Just that small touch has you speeding up your movements, practically drooling as you whimpered like a dog in heat.

"That's more like it, doll. Such a pretty girl." Arlecchino hummed, her other hand trailing up your stomach, between the valley of your breasts and ghosting across your throat before settling on grabbing your jaw in a firm, yet almost tender touch as she tilted your head to the side just enough for her to pull you into a burning kiss. It left you lightheaded, grinding down against her thigh as she claimed your mouth as her own, her thumb still ghosting over your clit sporadically.

She'd spent so long teasing you, constantly touching you but never where you needed her, that you already felt like you were going to snap like a wire. She must've been in a really good mood, then, when she pulled away from the kiss with an almost predatory lick of her lips, yet she settled on pressing kisses to your skin rather then the usual sharp bite of her teeth as they sunk into the curve of your shoulder.

"Are you close? Go on. I want to see your face when you cum– you look the prettiest when you finally break apart, doll." Arlecchino mused idly– as if she wasn't talking to you while you continued to rub your aching cunt against her thigh, chasing your own release through shaky, strained breaths. Her thumb swiped over your lips, brushing strands of hair stuck to your skin from your face– at the same time as she swiped her thumb more firmly against your clit, creating a vicious contrast that had you both melting at the barest hint of almost softness from her and the touch of her hand between your legs, dragging you into an orgasm that leaves you trembling and, had she not shoved her fingers into your mouth, screaming, tears pooling in the corners of your eyes.

"All done, little doll. Take it easy." She murmured, voice so quiet you almost didn't hear it, thumb swiping across your cheek to wipe away the stray tear, her hands pulling away to settle on your sides. "You did well– good girl. Let me take it from here."

#genshin impact smut #genshin smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #minors dni #writing tag #arlecchino x reader #arlecchino smut #i considered the mommy part for half a second but i see arle as the biggest butch and i didnt want 2 swap it on the fly looks around #the projection is just a little too hard my bad. i am obnoxiously annoying abt butch arle...#n e way ough soft arle...........not done enough......arle being rough is a given bc shes Like That but like #soft.......#i am weak for a woman who can do both and switch on a dime #arle imo leans like. 80-90% towards rough but shes got a soft spot if shes in a good mood yknow..#i wrote this at 1 am on like uhhh 2 hrs of sleep if it isnt good uhhhhh blame it on that lol #im just feeling it out rn anyway tryna get into writing proper smut again its been a hot minute oop #passes out and dies ough......................#also did NOT spellcheck i just wrote it all in one sitting and called it a day i am gonna pass out now so if u see a typo....#no u didnt #im not done yet wait a minute okay now just. soft arle got me okay. its rlly rare but shes good at playing nice okay #the appeal of arle is fucked up little creature but sometimes u want 2 be pampered i get it #OKAY im actually shutting up now passes out in the middle of the road

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geocitie · 1 year

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izutsumi modelling the pants im working on :3

#izutsumi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #artists on tumblr #my art #sorry abt the repost i noticed a big mistake last minute.#the actual pants have mire stuff on the bottom but i was determined to finish this today and im done so its just gonna stay like that jfndm #i just needed to figure out where to put the buckles but got very carried away .#i found the pants at hot topic while wandering around the mall and id been looking for tripp pants to customize for forever #i was hoping to thrift them but. ive been looking for years with no luck #fanart

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hayden-christensen · 3 days

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You caged me and then you called me crazy I am what I am 'cause you trained me

#swedit #starwarsedit #star wars #anakin skywalker #anakinskywalkeredit #darth vader #starwarsblr #usershale #tusererika #*mine #*2024 #*gifs #[complex]#[lyrics]#ts #this is my favourite song on the album :)#I'm so happy with this it's been a hot minute since I made a blended complex edit like this

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kittykalliarts · 5 months

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Unbeknown to Neuvillette, the Duke could not bring himself to enjoy the fireworks. Oh, how could their fleeting brilliance ever hope to compete against the ethereal beauty of the Iudex.

#genshin impact #genshin fanart #wriothesley #neuvillette #wriolette #wriollette #neuvithesley #myart #this was for the wriolette week on twitter but my ass cannot focus and could only do #day 1 like a week after the first week is done XDDDD #also man its been a hot minute i drew any sort of manga page #i apologise for how weird my panelling is #i ran outta ideas how i wanted to present the idea in my head

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bishicat · 8 months

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stinky ex-tapeworm showers for the first time in 54 years

#so not super happy with the colouring job but i like the lineart hehe #it's been a hot minute since i drew a solo silverhand piece #im gonna imagine that V took a photo of him (with flash on) to commemorate the moment (before sexy shenanigans ensue hehe)#keanu reeves #johnny silverhand #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 fanart #cp77 #cp2077 #silverv #my art #digital art #bishiart

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