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#ive heard this so many times throughout my life and my teachers would say it frequently when it's about excusing rape
iwantabatlleaxe · 2 years
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Vent in the tags my beloved OMG THE LIMIT IS 30 TAGS NOW??
#im upset bc my boyfriend made a joke w a really sexist 'slogan'#he used quem cala consente which means who doesnt say anything is consenting which is just... i hate it so much#ive heard this so many times throughout my life and my teachers would say it frequently when it's about excusing rape#he said he wouldn't do it anymore bc I was uncomfortable but that + my gender journey + his red flags of anger issues are just... too much#for me rn. i feel stuck to him in a social context. i just wanna be myself#i hate the idea that guys are misogynists and stuff. i really want to believe my group friend isn't- and they've proved over and over that#they arent but this joke really upset me for some reason.#im tired.#also good news! i got a cane in case I have leg pain until my next appointment!#but uh. my bf kinda joked about that too.#it isnt as bad as it sounds#actually no im tired as fuck#i miss him only when I'm in need of uhm. comfort if u know what I mean#and the way he keeps saying ily makes it hard to break up. its not like i dont have reason to but still#i wanna be with him... but in this moment its hard. im. trans. and hes straight. he's straight. and I wanna be in a relationship with#someone who gets me. respecting is the minimum but I wanna be with someone who I can talk to about being trans without explaining#or- oh fuck home is playing rn. im emotional#i love him. hes great. but he has some red flags i dont want to ignore#i know he wouldnt do anything bad to me- he's always extra careful and respects my bodily boundries but I need this space for myself#what a shitty situation#im having a heartbreak?#i dont even. know anymore.#home just ended playing and a tear broke#also he keeps making jokes about me breaking up w him in like two weeks bc he keeps making shitty jokes#none are ever sexist/anyphobic#he loves and he loves with his full being and I just don't think i can handle that. i love with my fingertips then hands he loves with his#blood and smile and it's a lot#fuck#.#vent
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quirklessidiot · 4 years
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Title: coward :: pretty girl Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alchohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, and mentions of abortion
Synopsis: : In which you finally meet the perfect girlfriend of Miya Atsumu and he starts to slowly accept the fact that whatever happened between you two is long gone (or is it?)
authors note: 
here to give my thanks again, literally feels so surreal with how much love this story is getting despite the angst sjjsdjsjd i-
also ive released the prologue for my first ever smau! its a more lighthearted one compared to this one between sakusa and an older gn!reader, if you’re into that check it out here uwu
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You’ve never actually seen Miya Atsumu and his girlfriend.
This was your first time today during Sugawara’s house party, Daiki had forced you to go and insisted that the three of them needed to have their manly bonding time (it actually only consisted of stuffing themselves with junk food and watching shounen animes), “...Also don’t you want to bond out with your ex-boyfriend that you chose over me? I’m hurt, I didn't know you like fake blonde volleyball players.” he fake-sniffled, in which you replied with an arched brow.
You didn’t know how he ended up knowing about Atsumu, you were expecting a talk from him but he simply shrugs it off and says, “No matter how much I tell you that you should tell him, you won’t listen. So I won’t bother wasting my breath, just know that you’re being selfish by denying these boys the right to have a father and you're denying that blonde shrimp to be a dad too.” 
“Y/N-san, I’m surprised you came!” Sugawara grins.
“Daiki took charge of the kids.” You replied, fiddling with the keys in your hand.
“He looks very reliable.” the teacher exclaims, handing you a drink in which you completely deny because you weren’t very good with alcohol, “You guys would make a great couple!”
“Oh,” You voiced, you were very familiar with those words, many people had always thought you and Daiki would make a good pair. It was definitely a shock to many when they found out you were pregnant and that the basketball player was not the father despite being there most of the times, “I’ve never seen him that way.”
“He did mention that, he even openly confessed to Miya-san that he’s jealous of how he was your first boyfriend.”
You choked on your saliva, that fucking sly bastard-
“Anyways, make yourself comfortable! I have to go say hi to my old friends from college!” he exclaims, patting your shoulder. You immediately turn around to find Miya Atsumu cozying up with a beautiful girl in his arms.
Ah, that must’ve been the beautiful model with legs for days.
“You’re kind of staring.” comes a very familiar voice.
You want to roll your eyes but you decided against it, “I didn’t know you and Sugawara-san were close, Inunaki-san.” you greeted your annoying senior.
“Suga-san’s a friend to the whole team…” he grins, “Also, I’m just here to warn you that Osamu might be here later, he’s not as nice as Atsumu towards you.”
“You don’t have to remind me.” 
“Come to think of it,” Shion Inunaki paused, tapping his chin in deep thought, “Atsumu still follows you around like a lost puppy. He’s been spending his off days with you instead of his girlfriend. I’m actually surprised he even brought her here today.”
“What are you implying?” You reply, feigning ignorance.
“Ah, L/N-san. I love how you still don’t care about my kohai’s feelings up till now.” He grinned, sarcasm oozing out of his sentence.
“Don’t be silly.” You glazed,“What feelings would there be but hatred?”
“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.” he turns to you, hand on his hip, “Even I don’t get why he’s so into you after all this time and the shit you put him through. He’s got someone better in front of him. Physical looks and emotionally speaking, Ri-chan’s a whole lot better than you… No offense…”
You knew he was rubbing salt to the injury but you couldn’t really bring yourself to argue with him, after all, he was right at the most part (you technically considered yourself as the big bad villainous ex in Atsumu’s life) 
“You sound like those girls who used to threaten me back then when I was dating Miya-san.” You replied coolly, Inunaki even notices the amusement dripping in your tone, it's as if he hadn’t insulted you right at the face and called you a lesser being, “It’s almost pathetic.”
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You ended up on the balcony right after, so much for trying to socialize, who were you kidding? It’s good you manage to escape the scene before Osamu could see you there, you couldn’t handle Inunaki and the grey-haired twin together. Thank god that Aran wasn’t around the area.
“Figured you’d be here.”
You turn to find the one and only source of all your problems these days, Miya Atsumu, you narrow your eyes in annoyance, “You should leave, people will get the wrong idea.” You simply replied, “I’m not in the mood to be in the middle of that.”
“I just came here because I wanted to apologize about that night with your brat.” the blonde casually leans against the doorway, “It was my fault for riling him up.”
“Yuuto has a temper, he’s more of his otosan than me.” 
“What was he like?”
“Who?”
“The bastard that you miss, those brats father…”
You tilt your head and press your lips together, surprised by his choice of words, “Special.” you openly-confessed as you gaze at the very man in front of you. Oh, the irony of it all. 
How you wish it was that easy to let go of all your fears and anxiety, if you had told him six years ago about your pregnancy, would your life probably be different? What if you told him now? How would he feel?
“He’s lucky,” he admits, gaze fixed on you, “I mean - other than the part that he died  - he was a lucky guy, Y/N.”
It dawned upon you that moment that this had been the first conversation you had with your ex that held no hatred, malice, or anger. He seemed to be slowly accepting the fact that you wanted to do nothing with him. Like you, he had no choice but to move on.
“ ‘Tsumu! What the fuck you moping around alone for up there? You got a girlfriend here!” Osamu calls down from below. You both snap back to reality at his brother's voice, “Guess that’s my cue to leave, I’ll see you around, Y/N.” he uttered softly and as he turned away, you suddenly spoke out.
“I’m sorry.” He freezes in place, somehow this apology seemed different than the rest, “I know I’ve said that a lot these past few weeks and that night but I want you to know that every apology was genuine. I just, I’m not very-”
“I know.” He suddenly turns to you, the very familiar and warm grin that you're accustomed to decorates his features and you feel like its that night in fall and you're back in college again, “I guess I was so wrapped up in wanting to get an emotion out of you that I hadn’t  realized, it’s not you if you did that. You always had trouble expressing yourself naturally to people after all.”
You feel your insides clamp and your lips tremble lightly, you feel the air turn heavy around you. How is that he was always the one pulling the strings and doing all the work between you two? How could he forgive you this easily?
“Don’t be silly.What feelings would there be but hatred?”
“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.” 
“I’m proud that you’re trying hard for your kids though,” He chuckles, “Those brats are lucky they get to see all sides of you everyday.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, Goodnight, Y/N.”
“Goodnight.” you muttered, watching his figure walk away and vanish in the dark, leaving you all alone in the night of spring.
“...I now pronounce you husband and wife…”
You stare at your father and his new wife looking at each other with complete love and adoration, something you never saw when you were growing up. It sickened you to the point that you turn slightly pale and feel the bile on your throat rise. You watch them exit the church as sakura petals fall, the idea of a picture perfect wedding and happily ever after like the fairytale books you used to scorn when you were a child.
You loathed it.
He even had the audacity to invite you and your mother. She ended up not going and was probably drowning herself in cheap saki at home.
You sat at the back during the reception, along with the people who were not exactly ‘close’ to the bride-groom. You feel like an utter fool, why were you even here? You should’ve gone home or attended that stupid party and get stupid drunk with people you barely knew like your mother.
Yeah, that’s right.
You’d rather be there than here.
“Ah,” you hear a glass clink, you saw one of your dad’s friends stand up, ready to make a speech, “First off, I’d like to congratulate my friend. Finally!” laughter resonates throughout the room but you don’t follow suit, instead, you hold onto the wine glass tightly as if you don’t like where this was going, “I know how unhappy you were back then but ever since you met Yui-chan, your life seemed to have become better. I could never be more proud!”
You could feel yourself getting sicker by the moment, especially after you heard the words you dreaded to hear the most, “Let’s not make anymore mistakes shall we?” he jokes.
All you could see was red right after, grabbing your clutch on the table as you made a haste exit. Was this the reason he invited you? To shove it on your face that you were a mistake made?
That you shouldn't have been born?
You ended up breaking a heel and tripping on your own feet soon after, shakily, you adjust your posture and sat at the concrete for a few moments, trying to gather yourself but desperately failing, "I didn't… I didn't ask to be born too, you know?" You murmured to yourself bitterly.
You let it all out, it shouldn't have hurt to be called a mistake. You were an adult already for crying out loud! Yet when they toss that word around like it was nothing especially at that wedding, you feel like you're eight years old again and you're hearing your own mother curse at you for being born into this world, the harsh words she said were as clear as the day, "if you probably hadn't been born, we would've been happier. We'd have better lives, Y/N. So don't go around and cry and think you got it bad, you hear me? Your sadness is nothing compared to ours. It's nothing, Y/N. So stop being ungrateful."
You ended up at the frat house that night, people would occasionally glance at your disheveled state but you just downed the alcohol, ignoring their stares as usual  and when you get a text from your mother asking why you left the wedding so early in such a manner, you feel the pent-up emotions bubbling within you again. 
Blocking her number and taking one last swig of the cheap vodka in your hands, you head up to one of the rooms upstairs. You hold it all in well, you don't want to showcase such things to strangers.You feel the alcohol and emotion about to hit you when you open a door that you thought would be your safe space for the next ten minutes but you're immediately greeted by two people on the bed, ready to hit it off and have a good time.
"O-Oh sorry… I-Wrong room...” you stammered, lips quivering and small tears escaping since you couldn't hold it in anymore.You immediately bolted out the door, So much for sobering up and crying by yourself for ten minutes, you might as well call Daiki, maybe he was available-
“Hey! Y/N!” a very familiar and a very unexpected voice calls out your name on the quiet street.
You hesitantly turn only to find your project partner and classmate standing there, a bit out of breath as if he had just squeezed through the very crowded party in a hurry, you're confused by his actions. You weren’t exactly close? What was he doing?
“Hey.” he softly says, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket to hand it to you. You hesitantly look at it and take it from his grasp as you try to get rid of the runny mascara. You're taken aback by his kind actions so far, although he had always been nice and tried to make conversations with you, you weren’t exactly very participative and it had always been one-sided on his part. 
When he suddenly stopped talking to you recently, you didn’t bother to initiate anymore because you didn’t want to get more involved with people like him.  It’s not like he was a bad person, per say, he just had such a loud presence that made everyone stop and stare. You weren’t exactly a big fan of those kinds of people (save for daiki since you grew up with him)
“Come on, Y/N.” the blonde sighs, taking off his jacket to place it on you, “Let's take you home.”
"You don't have to."
"You look like shit, Y/N. I’m not takin' no for an answer" Atsumu points out forwardly, "Actually, before we head home lets disinfect that wound, yeah?"
"Miya-san, I-" you tried to tell him you were fine but he didn’t seem to be having it.
"Atsumu." He corrects, despite his forwardness and brash attitude, you know he means well, "You let me call you by your first name so please don't call me Miya-san, sounds fuckin weird coming from ya."
You're thankful that he doesn't pry or ask questions about why you looked like this. He just mumbles throughout your whole journey that you shouldn't wear heels when you can't even walk on them.You also start to notice the slight accent from his tone when he got annoyed by your insistence that you were alright, you had always thought that he was a city boy with the way he carried himself.
When you arrive at the drugstore, he pays for the necessities himself despite you protesting again and even buys you a sugar-free treat on top of that, "You said you were diabetic one time." He shrugs off as he lets you sit on the concrete steps.
“Oh,” You faltered, “You remembered.”
“It’s one of the few things you said. You don’t talk to me that much so it's not hard to remember the things you say.”
“Sorry.” You tried to apologize, brows furrowed in deep thought and the only reply you got was a gleeful laughter from the blonde setter.
“You don’t really mean that do you?” he observed but he didn't look insulted by it at all, instead he seemed amused by it, “Don’t sweat it, Y/N. My twin told me I could be an annoying shit at times.”
“No,” you mused, “Not at all, you’re not annoying.”
Atsumu stares at you right in the eye, his corners crinkling just a bit as the amused smile never leaves his features, you’re starting to like it when you see him smile that way, it reminded you a lot of the youth you craved for, the problematic-free youth that you wanted and wished, “Is it safe to say that you don’t mind my company?” he guessed.
“Well, you’re here now and I haven’t left you.” 
He doesn’t reply,  instead he bends down to your level and takes the antiseptic and band-aids from your hands. Before you could object, the setter dabs it on your wound and as you seethe quietly in pain, he blows on it. You’re getting more and more perplexed by his actions tonight especially with the words he says next, “I may not be close with you to know what happened tonight but I hope I made you feel a little bit better, Y/N.” 
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The next time you see the professional volleyball player is at work,You’re tasked to send out some documents to your boss again and it just so happens they’re wrapping up the shoot for the advertisement at the studio.
Something’s different now. 
After your little talk with him at the terrace, the air around you doesn’t feel tight, your anxiety around him seems to decrease, and your feet doesn’t get cold anymore. Of course, Inunaki would throw in a jab or insult but you took it like a good sport and didn’t bother with him.
“Ah, L/N-san! How are the boys?” Hinata jumps up and down excitedly as he sees you enter the studio, you still couldn’t get used to this big (small) bundle of energy.
“They’re doing fine, Hinata-san.” 
“Oho, L/N-san, you’re looking better these days.” Inunaki teased, you gave him a brief nod and just ignored the jab, Atsumu slaps his seniors back in retaliation, “You’re not the one she broke up with Inu-san.” he joked, “Hey L/N-san.”
“Miya-san.” You greeted.
“Does Yuuto still want to skewer me like a kebab?”
“He feels sad that he wasn’t able to say sorry to you before you left.” You replied, a hint of amusement laced on your tone as you recalled Yuuto frowning on the dinner table the night before because Sugawara had informed the club members that Hinata and Atsumu wouldn’t be visiting as much because training was about to start.
“Shame, wanted to see that brat say sorry too.” He let out a grin, your conversation is cut short though when a new presence joins the room.
“Oh, Riku-chan!” Inunaki calls out.
You lick your dry lips as you see the very beautiful and tall raven-haired woman approach you, wow, Miya Atsumu outdid himself with this one. You recalled her being on Vogue magazine once and on tv a few times as a fashion model of an underwear brand.
“Oh, hey babe.” Atsumu greets, you note how stiff he became. He probably thought this would be an uncomfortable situation. The woman, unlike you, was very open with her affection. She gave him a brief kiss on his jaw.
Hinata greets her and you’re left wondering if you should excuse yourself before you could make Atsumu more uncomfortable by your presence but Inunaki, being an asshole, decides to make the choice for you, “L/N-san, this is Miyazaki Riku! I’m sure you know her, she’s a supermodel!” he introduces you to her.
“Good day.” You greet the model.
She tilts her head slightly, “Have we met before? You look very familiar.”
“She was my kohai back in Uni and Atsumu’s classmate!” Inunaki grins, patting your back, you hold back a glare since you didn’t want to make it more awkward than it was.
“Oh?” she chirped, immediately letting go of Atsumu’s hand, she grabbed onto yours, “What was he like? I bet he was so cool and chic back then too!”
Chic and Cool?
Memories of a rather clumsy and corny Miya Atsumu in college slowly wormed its way to your head and out of nowhere, you burst into a low chuckle. Inunaki was startled by the sudden reaction and Atsumu feels his insides mush up when he hears that very rare sound, “Yeah,” you croaked, shortly after recovering from your small laugh, “Definitely chic and cool.”
“That’s so cool! I definitely want to hear stories about you back in college, baby!”
“Maybe some other time,” you voice is back to its smooth and cool tone, realizing that you needed to leave from this uncomfortable conversation and start your job, “I have to finish up my work here and get home early.”
“That’s a shame, I could definitely tell you guys were close.” a frown tugs her lips as she notices how quick you were to say goodbye to her, “Bye, L/N-san!”
After that rather dry and one-sided enthusiastic conversation, you finish your work quickly and Daiki messages you just in time that he and the boys would pick you up, you say your goodbyes to your director, the staff, and the volleyball team. You don’t notice the lingering gaze of Atsumu as you left nor do you notice Inunaki telling him that he’s got his girlfriend right in front of him and he shouldn’t look your way.
They shortly wrap up right after and they’re ready to go home. After deciding that they’d all grab a good meal together (much to sakusa’s dismay), Atsumu feels his mood lighten up as they exit the studio to see you standing there along with Yuuto, unwrapping his onigiri. As he’s about to call the brat to talk to him and even drop in to say hi to you, he sees a familiar tall figure emerge from the convenience store with Youta in his arms.
The blonde decides against it.
“...You always had trouble expressing yourself naturally to people after all.”
He watches the interaction from afar and notes how easy it was for the man to interact with you, he even catches on an amused smirk from you as the man tries to tell you a joke, “Is that L/N-san?” he hears Riku ask, “I didn’t know she had a family, that’s so cute!”
Atsumu doesn’t really know what to say as he watches the domestic scene unfold in front of him, he was trying to move on, wasn’t he? Yet why can’t he look away? 
“Baby? You alright there? You’ve been staring at the empty space for a while.” Riku calls out, sounding a bit worried as she snaps him out of his daze. You were already gone, probably far off with that scrub and the brats.
“I’m good.” he tried to affirm himself, wishing it was true, “I’m good.”
taglist [closed]
@fortheloveofiwaizumi ;  @svtbitch  ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii ; @juno-multifandom ; @gyubit17 ; @saeranoppa ; @nixxona ; @kyomihann @shorttstackk ; @intoomuchfandoms ; @yammmers ; @mx-minxx @itsmattsunshinehere ; @missingmystogan ; @volleybloop ; @imcravingyou ; @yams-wants-that-booty ; @liathachcapricious ; @pinknugget @seikamuzu ; @marigoldthoughts ; @sillykittt ; @baejinoffcl ; @alluring-akaashi ; @bnhasstuff ; @jungshookmeup ; @intheawks ; @bokuakadaily ; @agaassi​ ; @yams046​  ; @dope-squish​ ; @chrisrue15​ ; @vermillionwaves​ ; 
@misosamu  @Etherynaw  @ryaaaax @differentballooncollection @keniloveshaikyuu @allysasteaparty  [hi, i can’t seem to tag u guys, i think you need to open your tags uwu]
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resendez20 · 3 years
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Beware of the glimpse of my Paramedic School journey…
Two years ago I decided I wanted to further my EMS career and take the next step to become a paramedic. I had been an EMT for a couple years and felt it was time, I felt ready. I started the Paramedic program in August of 2020 feeling prepared and excited to learn. I had heard the stories and troubles from countless paramedics before me. They all told me how exhausting the program was, how hard it could be, not only mentally but physically and emotionally. I had seen tons of people go through the “year of hell” and come out victorious. I felt if they did it, so can I.
I was lucky enough to have the company I work for pay for my education. The stress of coming up with the money for books, tuition and uniforms melted away. I felt like a child again as I went school supply shopping the week prior. As August of 2020 started I realized how stressful school would actually be. I stepped down from my normal 48 hour work week to 36 hours (a total of three twelve hour shifts per week) on top of three class days from 0800-1700. Sundays soon became my only day off. Due to the class starting during the COVID lockdown, we were only allowed 10 students in the class AND we started a month later than expected. We had until the end of December to review the material needed. A 5 month didactic period, instead of 6, was what we were given before going in to the field for clinicals and internship. Sounds crazy right? I thought so. I stared at the books that would be my life for the next year (as well as throughout my career) and soon realized I would read them cover to cover in 5 months. Let the stress begin.
During those 5 months, I tried my best to balance a work life, school life as well as a social life. I’m sure you’ve all heard about the “Triangle of Success” for students. In one corner you have “Sleep”, the other “Social life” and lastly “Good Grades”. The running joke is of the three options, you only get to choose two. Now me being the person I am, I was determined to try to have all of them. Boy did I fail. It came clear to me as time went on I had obviously chosen to have good grades and a social life. Now working as an EMT, my sleep was already messed up. Needless to say, it didn’t take that big a hit. At least not yet. While in class, I tried to maintain friendships and of course be present in my current relationship. I thought I was succeeding, and for a moment or so I was. As weeks went on in class it came clear to me that I would have to reevaluate my choices on that “Triangle”. Did I? No. I’m stubborn and felt I could overcome it and succeed. My girlfriend became a huge help. She started to put me on a sleep schedule and it helped. I cut my social gatherings down, but not out. I continued to do well in class and on tests. I finally felt like I had a grip on didactic. I could do this. I could thrive. Then in a blink of an eye, didactic was done. We had read and gone over countless medications and routes. We had read how to handle certain emergencies and practiced multiple skills that a paramedic can perform in the field. We did it. “Class time” was officially set to be over. It was time for us “Para-maybes” to enter the field and get our feet wet as the lead paramedic.
There was a small month period where we had to pass classes for advanced certification. Normally, paramedic interns are able to do a clinical rotations in the hospital where they get exposed to multiple areas of the hospital and really get to use their new found skills. An attempt to perfect them prior to going into their internship program. Due to COVID-19, our class was not allowed to be in the hospitals for those rotations. Instead to meet national standards we were placed on an ambulance for 200 hours where we were to perform the skills that we had learned and practiced on manikins. Once those hours were up, we were to start our 480 hours of internship time. The difference being, in clinicals we only performed the skills, internship we ran the calls as if we were the main paramedic and performed our skills. We were each given a Paramedic Preceptor, who would be our teacher for the next round of class. Sounds easy right? You figure you work 24-36 hours for clinicals you’ll be done within 5-8 weeks depending on how much hours you work with your preceptor. AND don’t forget you still have to work your 36 hours for work.
I was fortunate enough to be paired with a Paramedic Preceptor I admire. We worked together quite a few times before and had created a friendship outside of work. When I found out he would be my first teacher I couldn’t help but get excited. We started my 72 hour a week journey and holy shit. It woke me up. We both came together and decided why wait? Why not start internship? Why only perform the skills when we can jump on it and get the extra experience? I made my mistakes and he as there to guide me with questioning and of course the jokes to ease the pain of no sleep. We ran through scenarios during down time. We ran many calls together and as clinical time ended, we both agreed to stay together (of course if allowed) for the first half of my official internship, aka 240 hours more. He never once raised his voice to me, never put me down and never told me an idea was stupid. He taught me to stay calm in stressful situations, even when things seem to be falling apart. By the time we finished both clinical hours and the first half of my internship I had been with him for 440 hours on an ambulance. I was tired but still feeling strong. I somehow managed to get an amazing schedule while working with him. I worked Monday-Saturday morning seeing as he worked a 24 hour shift on Fridays. It left me with Saturday and Sundays off for my family, girlfriend, friends and of course myself.
Towards the middle of June I started my second half of my internship. I had 240 hours left to go. I was once again blessed with the preceptor I received. She taught me so much in so little time. She trusted my decisions before I did. She let me learn and succeed on my own and helped me if the path I chose was going to have me fail. My confidence was shaken slightly because I didn’t know her prior to our first shift. I knew of her, I had seen her around work, but when you work for a company with 500+ field employees it’s hard to have a relationship with everyone you see. I felt slightly timid, and didn’t know what to quite expect. Our first shift together during my half with her, we had 3 stat calls back to back to back. She offered me advice on each call and gave me suggestions to make myself better to not only benefit me but my of course my patient. She quizzed me and pushed me to research time and time again on everything we talked about. With her, my experience was harder. I worked my 36 hour shifts as an EMT as well as her 48 hour schedule as a paramedic intern. I wold get off work Friday mornings from her 24 hour shift and be back at work on Saturdays at 0340. Somehow in between I completed electronic PCRs for all my patients as well as written ones. Not to mention the tape reviews of radio call ins and of course scenarios we were creating to submit for class. Exhaustion hit in full force. The emotions I kept hiding and pushing to the side finally took over.
The last few weeks of my internship were without a doubt the hardest. I would cry before shifts because I was so tired and felt I couldn’t quite function. I was afraid I would let someone down. I began to turn towards caffeine to help me function. I joked with colleagues and classmates, “I’m either going to get a kidney stone or my paramedic license, we’ll see what comes first”. It was a coping mechanism for just how exhausted and mentally crushed I was. I pushed myself to get through it. My girlfriend repeatedly held me and told me it was temporary and that I will make it. My preceptor continuously told me I’m almost done. Even when she worked extended hours, she would send me home to rest and not let me stay on the ambulance. For that, I am forever grateful. Somehow I managed to finish. I was done. I did it.
Without a doubt, paramedic school is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am now patiently waiting for my state card/number to come in so I can actively work in the state. I completed didactic in 5 months. I then completed all 680 hours on an ambulance as an intern. I ran multiple 911 emergencies. I started IVs, gave medications, wrote reports, somehow survived 3-4 hours of sleep a night for about a year. I became a paramedic. I survived.
People don’t realize what it takes to become a paramedic. Schools don’t talk about it. It definitely was not something I was told about in high school. Maybe because at that age some people aren’t mature enough for it? Maybe because the pay is no where near what it should be. Maybe because it’s a career that not everyone can do. Maybe. I can’t speak for other programs, but the one I did was intense. It pushed me beyond my limits. I feel proud to say I finished. I passed national registry my first try. Thank you to those who helped me. To those that supported me throughout the whole process, I couldn’t have done it without you. THANK YOU to my family who supported and waited to hear all my stories. To my girlfriend who patiently waited for me to be present in our relationship again and allowed me to complain and cry countless times in our new home. To my friends who never questioned my absence and supported my moments of weakness. Thank you. Simply thank you.
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PARENTHOOD INTERVIEW: Zara. 
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10 QUESTIONS NOT LINKED TO YOUR KID(S).
what is your current career now? “I’m an actress, director and producer. The latter two more often.” 
are you enjoying it? “I am, I love my job.” 
where do you currently live? “That’s a great question. I still have an obsession with property so we have a few different ‘homes’, but we’re still where we were when I bought my first house. Danny and I have renovated it, done things to the garden and added bits on which just makes it more sentimental to me. It’s where everything started.” 
are you married? “Happily.” 
what is one thing that’s stayed the same with you since st judes? “I’m still with Danny, I have the same passion for film and tv and I’m still living in the Springs for the most part.”
what’s the biggest change you’ve experienced? “Everything else. Mainly my mindset.” 
now that you’re older and have had a successful career, what’s your biggest goal in life? “To appreciate the people I have in my life fully. I never want to become too caught up in something that I miss making memories with them.” 
would you still consider yourself famous? “To an extent.” 
what was the first thing you did after your graduation? “I went to Los Angeles and just existed for a few days. I have a love, hate relationship with the place but it’s where everything started for me. So, I felt like it was necessary for it to be the place that I closed that chapter of my life too.” 
do you have any regrets about your time in st judes? “Many and funnily enough, all of them were when I let somebody else dictate how I was feeling or I listened to people’s judgements too much.”
QUESTIONS ABOUT PARENTHOOD.
who are your children? list them in age order. “Daphne and Adelaide, Addy.” 
if you gave birth, who was the easiest pregnancy? if you didn’t, which pregnancy did you feel most anxious about. “I was most anxious about Daphne because she was the first. I didn’t know what to expect and I fell down the hole of reading pregnancy horror stories. But luckily, neither were complicated. I had great pregnancies and births both times round.” 
did you have any baby showers or gender reveals? if yes, what did you do? "Nothing official. I find gender reveals tricky because, who cares? I would’ve been happy both ways and I’d expect every member of my family to feel the same.” 
what kind of parent would your children describe you as, do you think? “I hope fair? I don’t think I annoy either of them enough for them to say anything too harsh!”
which stage was hardest: baby, toddler, child, teenager or young adult? “For Daphne, baby. I think I went into it with rose-tinted glasses. For Addy, teenager.” 
what has been your favourite memory with each child? “This is such a hard question, there’ve been so many.” 
be honest, do you think you’ve had any failings as a parent? “Definitely. I always worry that I haven’t taught them to be headstrong enough. I feel like raising passive children who lay down and take whatever somebody is trying to give them is a massive fear of mine. I was that girl for a while.” 
what do you think you do well as a parent? “You’d have to ask them.” 
how much involvement do your own parents have in your child’s life? “None.” 
as a parent, what is something you’re still learning? “Life for them isn’t always going to be how it was for me. It treats everybody differently. Just because I had a strange relationship with my sisters, it doesn’t mean they they’re going to get more distant every time they have typical sister fights. Also, not to be hard on myself, but I do worry a lot.” 
what’s the funniest memory from parenthood so far? “There have been so many. I’m trying to think...One thing about Addy is that she’s always been obsessed with Danny. He’s her favourite person, she’s a through and through Daddy’s girl. Anyway, we went to one of her Christmas shows and she was 5 at most...She was the star, and when I tell you that her teachers could not convince her to stay on stage rather than keep wandering into the audience to sit on his lap, I mean it. I think it threw off the whole production - bless her.” 
when do you feel like you were needed the most? “For Daphne, I think it’s just been quietly throughout her life. She’s never been a child who needs our help. She’s always got on with things and done her best; very independent. But, it doesn’t mean she can get through everything alone. Nobody can, we’ve always been close, though, and I feel confident she’d talk to me if she really felt she was in trouble. I think Addy most needed us during high school. I can’t recall a day that she didn’t come home from that place and cry. I think teenagers, specifically girls, are awful to each other and not enough is ever done about it. I know they were just children but I’ll never forgive them or the parents who raised them for those years. Addy was a completely different child.” 
JUST FOR FUN, WHICH CHILD… if you have just one child, you can just say if they’d do the stuff or not.
which child is the most sensible? “Daphne. Hands down. Sorry, Ads.” 
which child is the most independent? “Daphne, again.” 
which child did you always have suspicions about being famous one day? “Probably Addy. Not because I never thought Daphne had potential, but Addy’s always been very...melodramatic and theatrical, even as a toddler.”
which child was the hardest work as a child? “Can I say neither? They were both good kids.” 
which child have you cried/stressed over the most? “Addy. The whole high school thing. I’m not afraid to say that because I think the girls who put her through that should have to live with the guilt.”
which child has the tidiest room? “Daphne, daphne, daphne.” 
which child do you think likes you the most? “Daphne. I hope they both do!” 
which child is most likely to forget your birthday? “Addy.” 
which child is/was the most academic? “Daphne.” 
which child is/was the most athletic? “Daphne.” 
which child tends to be the most annoying? “That’s an awful question, I’m not going to say!” 
which child asks for money the most? “Addy. She discovered the bank of Mum and Dad way before her time.”
which child is most likely to move in back home? “I think Addy.” 
which child helps out around the house the most? “Daphne. They’re both pretty good at chores though.” 
which child enjoyed disney the most growing up? “Definitely Addy.” 
BEING AN ACADEMY PARENT.
did you have a say in the academy(s) your child(ren) picked? “I didn’t!” 
how did you feel when your child decided they wanted to go to an academy? “Nervous, I won’t lie. I had my doubts but then figured I’d be doing them more harm if I actively stopped them from going.” 
do any of your children study the same as what you did? are they less, equally or more successful than what you were? “Daphne acts! I’d say yes she is more successful than me, but also, success can be measured in different ways. I don’t like the idea of either of them basing their achievements around how many roles they can land or how many awards they pick up.”
when your child(ren) were younger, what did you THINK they’d end up working as? “I thought Daphne would maybe go into writing and Addy into the make-up industry, but I think what they’re both doing now also makes sense.”
have you met any of your child’s friends or partners? “No...I’ve heard of one, though. Let’s leave it there.” 
what’s your biggest worry about your children being in an academy? “I don’t think I have one anymore. I’m starting to learn to live and let live. They’ve been fine in life so far and I’m sure they can take care of themselves without me constantly trying to control what they do or shield them from things.” 
what’s the one piece of advice you’d give your child as they start this journey that you wished you had? “Enjoy it and do what you want! Love who you want. It’s so cliche but it goes so quickly and there is nowhere near enough time to worry about what people might be saying. Also remember that you can’t steal a person anymore than you can keep them - if only somebody told me that!”
MEMORY LANE.
what tv programmes/films were on repeat as your children were growing up? “Bratz, Winx, Nancy Drew, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Hannah Montana, High School Musical...Addy was obsessed with Trolls at one stage. I could keep going.” 
have you ever lost your child/had something happen that’s made you panic? “I lost Daphne in the supermarket once. I was hysterical, but she was fine and looking at the pictures of puppies on the dog food.” 
what was the first holiday you went on as a whole family? “Is it bad I can’t remember? We had family holidays before and after Addy’s birth and I really can’t pinpoint which one was the first where we were all together. One of my favourites, though, was when we went to Greece. It was so scenic and beautiful and the girls spent all day in and out of the ocean. Ive never seen them so occupied!”
can you remember a time you’ve ever been called to the principals office? “No! They’re good girls.” 
say one thing about your child that you think they’d like to hear, but wouldn’t expect you to say. “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy - do what you want, angels.” 
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curlytemple · 4 years
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niche interests list 
okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me! 
pigs????
alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies. 
sugar creek gang 
OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes. 
 the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully) 
tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect. 
peter pan
so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth. 
shug
you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.  
the summer series
on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation. 
pappyland
this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.  
boy meets world
i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!
i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.
lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.
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phoenix-downer · 5 years
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Your Voice
Sora had never been big on hospitals. They were cold and sterile and brought back memories of when his grandfather was sick. All those days spent in waiting rooms and sitting by hospital beds and hoping for the best while bracing himself for the worst. And it wasn’t like old people were the only ones who dealt with this kind of thing. Even kids could get really sick.
Even so, he didn’t expect a serious illness to hit Kairi of all people. She was healthy and active, spending hours at the Play Island with him and Riku. All until she’d come down with a fever so bad she had to be hospitalized.
“You can go in now,” the nurse said, a kind woman who smiled and cheered him up a little. He nodded and pushed the door open. Kairi was lying there on the hospital bed, and her cheeks were flushed from the fever. Machines next to her beeped ominously, and an IV connected her to one of them.
“Hey,” he said as he found one of those squeaky hospital chairs and dragged it over. “Long time no see.”
Kairi didn’t say anything; the only response was the steady beeping of the machines.
“We’ve missed you, at school and stuff. Mr. Kobayashi doesn’t know what to do without his star student in homeroom. He keeps looking over at your desk before he remembers you’re not there. We… we all do.”
He reached into his book bag and pulled out one of her favorites: a book of fairytales. Flipping through the pages, he began to read one to her, about a knight who went on a long quest to rescue a princess. In order to save her, he had to give up his heart and become a shade. But the princess found him and saved him with true love’s kiss. He became human again, and they got married and lived happily ever after.
It was a simple tale, but one they’d both loved since they were kids. He carefully tucked it back into his book bag and then pulled out something the art club had made for her, a Get Well Soon card with thalassa shells drawn on it. He read out the names of all the people who had signed it, then put it on the windowsill looking out over the parking lot below.
And now, the real reason he had come. Taking a deep breath, he found her hand. It was warm and kinda limp. This wasn’t the first time he’d held it, but… all the other times were before. Before his heart started racing whenever she walked in the room. Before just meeting her eyes made his face hot and his palms sweaty. Before his mouth went dry any time he tried to talk to her. Before things had changed between them.
“Kairi, you know that saying? About how you never know what you have until it’s gone? When you got sick, that was me. I’d always just… sort of taken it for granted that you’d always be there. But all this has made me realize, that’s not really true. I have no idea how long you’ll be a part of my life. And thinking about that, thinking about losing you someday… it hurt. A lot.”
He took another deep breath before continuing.
“Then I thought about why. You’re my friend, of course, but that’s not all. I think I might…”
His face got hot, and he couldn’t spit the words out. Even though she wasn’t really conscious, the thought of telling her what was on his heart made him want to bolt out of the room.
Maybe, if he said it in a roundabout way…
He thought of the story he’d read to her, and the words came easily.  “You’re my light in the darkness, Kairi.” He smiled and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I know you’ll get better, but I didn’t want to wait to tell you any longer.”
He glanced back towards the door, and the nurse nodded at him. Visiting hours were over.
“Bye for now, Kairi. I hope you feel better soon.” He let her hand linger in his for a little while longer. When her fingers slipped out of his grasp, he had to fight the sinking feeling in his gut.
This wouldn’t be the last time he would see her. It just wouldn’t be. Kairi was strong, and she’d pull through.
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Kairi’s fever came on suddenly, and the days her body spent fighting the infection went by in a delirious haze. Old memories mixed with new sensations to provide strange, vivid images that were half nightmare and half daydream.
But then came a moment of clarity, gentle pressure on her fingers and a warm, familiar voice. She was floating one moment, sinking the next, awash in a sea of confusion and fear, when that voice broke through her dreams and found her.
“Sora?” she murmured. Her eyes fluttered open, and his smile greeted her. Warm and gentle and bright as the sun. She followed his voice, followed the warmth in her hand as he led her away from the darkness and confusion and towards the light.
When she woke up for real, the fever had finally broken, and she was lying on a hospital bed. A few moments later, a nurse bounced into the room to check up on her, a huge smile on her face. Kairi had to stay at the hospital for a few more days as she recovered her strength, but that moment she’d heard Sora’s voice was the turning point, she was sure of it.
Her first day back at school, it felt like the whole school was celebrating her return. The third year students had made a huge banner saying, “Welcome Back, Kairi” in big bold letters, and it was hanging over the balcony on their floor. She caught Riku grinning down at her, and she smiled back and waved at him.
When she reached the shoeboxes, hers was full of cards and presents, and there were so many that she couldn’t reach her indoor shoes until she pulled the gifts out and tucked them into her bag. Her cubby at the back of the classroom was a similar story; it was so full of gifts from her classmates that she knew it would take hours to look through them all.
Mr. Kobayashi’s face brightened as she took her seat. “Kairi! Glad to have you back.” She thanked him for his kind words and reached into her desk for a pencil and a scrap of paper. Scribbling a quick note on it, she casually stood and made her way over towards Sora’s desk. When Mr. Kobayashi was distracted by Selphie asking him about what area she was supposed to clean today, she deposited the note inside Sora’s desk.
Selphie turned to her and winked once her mission was accomplished, and Kairi gave her a grateful smile. The rest of their classmates filtered in after that, all stopping by her desk to congratulate her on her recovery. Sora was the last one to come in, as was his habit. He had figured out how to arrive with exactly one minute to spare before the bell rang, and today was no different. He strolled in like he didn’t have a care in the world, in that easy, confident swagger she’d come to love.
All until he saw her, that is. He stopped, and gone was the swagger. His cheeks flushed, and his whole face lit up like it was Christmas morning.
“Kairi! You’re back!”
She returned his smile. “Yes, I am.”
His grin got bigger, and he stood there and gazed at her. “Wow, that’s… that’s great.”
She felt her own cheeks get hot. “Y-Yeah.”
The moment was interrupted by Tidus scolding him and telling him to sit down before the bell rang so they wouldn’t break their twenty-days-of-no-tardies streak.
He stumbled on the way to his desk and sat down with five seconds to spare. Mr. Kobayashi gave him a look, and he started. “Oh, right. I’m supposed to do the morning greeting today.” He deposited his stuff and went to the front of the room. “Stand up.”
Kairi kept casting looks his way all throughout the morning, hoping he would find her note. It wasn’t till third period that he finally did, when he realized he’d left his math homework in his desk. He stole a glance at her, then nodded slightly to confirm before crumpling the note and stuffing it in his pocket. Tidus noticed what had happened and snickered, but thankfully didn’t rat them out.
During the lunch recess, Sora met her on the roof of the school, like she’d requested. He’d loosened his tie in a way that would get Mr. Kobayashi’s scolding for sure for violating the school dress code. But it was warm outside  and no teachers were around right now, and Kairi sort of liked the more relaxed look on him.
“So, you wanted to meet me up here?” he asked. The view was great; you could see all of the Main Island from here, and even some of the nearby smaller islands. The breeze ruffled his spiky hair and cooled them both down, and it felt nice to be back outside after spending so much time indoors.
“Yes, I did,” she said. Now that he was actually here, though, her palms were sweaty and her mouth was dry. But… she had to do it. She had to tell him.
“Sora, when I was sick, I had a lot of strange dreams. Because of the fever, I mean.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yup. Come to think of it, they were more like nightmares.”
His face fell. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“But then… I heard a voice. Your voice. It brought me home.” She smiled and tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “You came to visit me when I was in the hospital, didn’t you?”
He coughed and stammered. “You weren’t supposed to find out about that,” he muttered, unable to meet her eyes as he scratched his neck. “Do you… do you remember anything I said?”
She shook her head. “No, not really. I just remember hearing your voice, and I think that’s what helped break my fever.”
She found his hand, remembering the time when his fingers weren’t this much bigger than hers. He looked at her, surprise written on his features, and she smiled and nodded.
“Thank you, Sora. Thank you for bringing me home.”
He stared at her for a few moments, then a huge smile spread across his face. He wove their fingers together, his grip strong and steady and firm. “No, thank you, Kairi.”
She tilted her head, her hair splashing against her cheeks. “For what?”
“For being you.”
The way he spoke was so heartfelt that she couldn’t help but look away as she blushed and giggled. When she summoned the courage to look in his eyes again, she almost had to look away again, her heart was fluttering so much.
How glad she was that it had been him to pull her out of the darkness, his voice that had called out to her. Her illness hadn’t been fun or pleasant, but at least one good thing had come from it.
And for now, it was simply enough that they were here, together. They could figure out the rest of the details later, one day at a time.
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A/N: So, back when I was finishing my fic for the twosidesfanzine back in February, I told the other writers that if they could hit 1500 words exactly, I would write a fic for them. Well, several people took me up on my offer, including @peachofthesunshine, so this fic is written for her! She gave me a prompt about Sora visiting Kairi in the hospital, including her being able to hear his voice. Hope you enjoyed!
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peachywise · 5 years
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nullify part 4
an umbrella academy fanfiction // klaus hargreeves x reader
- part iv: the revealing file || part i ⋆ part ii ⋆ part iii ⋆ part v ⋆ part vi ⋆ more parts to be released
- synopsis: You had wanted to forget about the fire. Forget all of it. But then you were presented with a file on your life, given to you by a kid who knows all too well its contents. Looks like you were intertwined in something much bigger than you had ever expected all along, and you're only going to get intertwined even more. 
- notes: so sorry this update took a while! i'm in my last few weeks of my university semester, and i'm busy with final essays. i'll try and get the next update out sometime next week but it could take a bit longer. however, I'll be back to a better and faster posting schedule in april. anyways this chapter is pretty five interaction heavy instead of Klaus, but i had to cut this one in half as it was getting too long, so they'll be more in the next part!! heavy trigger warning for mentions of abuse and fire. 
link on a03 
___________________________
“That was a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”
Letting out a loud scream at Five’s sudden appearance in front of you, surrounded in that ethereal blue haze, you decided he was the one being a dramatic little shit head. Even more so when he quickly went up on his toes and slapped his hand over your mouth to smother your voice before you could keep screaming and swear at him. You quickly jerked away, still reeling from the comment about the fire he had made only seconds before inside the apartment.
“Back the hell off or I’ll punt you down the hallway,” you threatened, flattening yourself against the wall beside the door, heart erratically pounding as you tried to calm your anxiety and the aggression fighting its way up.
“Calm down and just hear what I have to say.”
Calm down? Oh, he did not just fucking tell you to calm down.
“Hey hey hey, where are you going?” Klaus suddenly burst out from the now open apartment door, eyes flashing one side to the next until they landed on you. His taller figure stepped in front of you and he reached a hand out, placing it in a soothing gesture on your arm. His face was downturned in what looked like genuine concern. It was actually kind of nice of him, up until he said soothingly, “take a breather and calm down for a sec, yeah?”
You had to resist the unbelievable urge to stomp on his foot and then kick him in the nuts.
Closing your eyes and inhaling a deep breath through your nose, you whispered in reply so quietly through gritted teeth, “back away before I rip Five’s hand off and shove it up your—”
“Everything okay out here?”
Turning your attention to the large, blonde man taking up the entire frame of the doorway, you let out your held breath and opened your eyes. Five did as well, just as Klaus dropped his hand to his side, his eyes still never leaving you.
Your heart rate and initial anger had started to simmer down a bit at the continual tug and pull of the situations you kept finding yourself in, enough so that your curiosity of everything was starting to take hold once more. But you were still reluctant to step back into that apartment. Your trust was wary, at least in the case of some of them. Right now, you only trusted Klaus. He had been a loud and obnoxious pain in the ass, but hell, he hadn’t tried to hide anything from you and had basically answered most of what you assumed he could. If anything, he had overshared. You wished you could forget the story he had told you on your walk over here. He had way too vividly description how once on impulse he had bitten into a live koi fish he saw in a pond in order to ward off a loan shark across the way coming to collect money. What was worse, it actually worked. At least until they sent another guy a half an hour later.
“Go back inside, Luther. You to Klaus,” Five directed.
Turning your attention back to the toddler in command as he spoke, you quickly shifted your gaze back towards Klaus as he inevitably went to argue, stepping towards his brother with an exasperated look on his face. You reached out to gently grab his shirt. “Just go inside.” You needed to figure out how exactly Five knew about the fire, and just how extensively the details he knew went. It wasn’t exactly information you wanted out in the open, and though you trusted the curly haired brother the most in the family to an extent, it still wasn’t enough. No matter who you had trusted in your life, it had never been enough to openly discuss what had happened.
Klaus snapped his mouth closed in an uncertain grimace, his unnaturally comforting green eyes flickering as he tried to read your suddenly emotionless expression. You released some of the tension in your shoulders and heaved a breath. “Seriously, It’s fine. But if you hear glass shattering just know I’ve thrown him out the window.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
Bending to the side to look at Five who stood directly behind Klaus, you raised an eyebrow in challenge. “Come here then, preppy.”
Five crossed his arms over his chest and sighed, glancing down the hall at nowhere in particular. Clearly, his patience was running thin. Good.
Luther didn’t even bother to stick around and watch the show, unlike the unmistakably entertained Klaus. He just wordlessly turned back around into the apartment, leaving the door wide open for Klaus to follow.
“Okay, fine. Just don’t tell them all the fun bits without us, brother dear. It’ll be too priceless to miss.” Klaus settled on saying, departing back into the apartment, flashing his cheeky grin as he did.
You turned towards Five once you heard the familiar click of the closed door, grabbing his arm as you tugged him further away from the door in case there were any eavesdroppers. “You shouldn’t know about the fire. The entire story didn’t even hit the news.”
He shrugged your grip away easily. “And who do you think covered it up?” He bit back, a pressing look in his eyes.
What exactly was he implying? The little dude was kind of freaky—less of a kid than what he looked like— but he would have been the exact same age as you when it happened. Ten. As capable as he seemed now, you highly doubted he could have been able to suppress what had happened in the media. Allison possibly could have with her powers, but even then, there were so many people coming and going throughout that morning that you would have caught sight of her. The Umbrella Academy wasn’t even in the same city as you, for Christ's sake.
“Are you implying that it was covered up, or that somehow you had something to do with it?”
You could have been wrong, but a sort of half satisfied tick tugged his lips up the tiniest bit. But instead of a reply, he vanished again in a blink of an eye. You were really starting to hate his power. Letting out an aggravated huff, you twisted around slightly as if somehow you would find him dramatically down the hall, but he was back in a literal flash in under ten seconds, except this time he had a file in hand. He handed it to you, stating, “I found this in Hargreeve’s office. Read for yourself.”
And with that little cryptic introduction, you gave a speculative glance before gently taking it into your own hands, slight hesitance overtaking you as you flipped it open.
You didn’t know what you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this.
The first thing that caught your attention was a picture of you at twelve years old, miserable in an oversized black hoodie, paperclipped to a copy of one of the social service identification documents used by your old foster caseworker. Once you flipped that over, you found and skimmed through written reports, Reginald’s familiar insignia watermarked at the top. In them detailed everything; everything you knew, everything you had assumed, every plot hole in your entire story.
Reginald had known where you were this whole time. He’d kept a watchful eye on you, and you had no doubt he had similar files on all the other babies he had never been able to get his hand on. One of the reports detailed the first time your force field had popped up. You were in kindergarten and some kid had been chasing you with those barely sharp baby scissor that couldn't even cut through shitty quality construction paper. In your instinctual fear, the blue bubble surrounded you and five-year-old Jimmy bounced right off of it, tumbling two feet away, landing on his wrist and snapping the bone.
No one had seen, other than the teacher who had immediately looked terrified and sent you to the office, rushing you there herself. When she dropped you off, the counselor intervened and talked to you, and by the next day, your teacher had basically all but ignored the fact it had ever happened. The kid’s broken wrist was simply explained away as him tripping on the floor. No one would believe a five-year old’s account of what had actually happened anyway.
The councilor, as detailed by Hargreeves, was an onlooker hired by him to keep tabs on you if anything like this had ever happened and to make it go away. It seemed there had always been someone hired in your school to do just that. To watch. To report. Intervene when necessary.
Then there was the report on the fire. It described how your mom had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to your room, leaving your dad asleep in his own bed. It continued to detail how she poured gasoline from your doorway to your bed, striking a match and dropping it so the flame would trail up towards you. Police documented pictures were attached of your black and charred bedroom, all your childhood objects nothing more than undistinguishable ash. They never did find your dads body in there, but from how everything had been destroyed, you had no doubt he was simply mixed into all the rubble and debris that had once made up their entire family home which crumbled in a single, terrible night.
The police report detailed all of this as well, in addition to your mother’s capture and arrest, which he somehow managed to get a copy of for his invasive file. But it lacked the details Hargreeves inevitably figured out. How could a child survive such a destructive event? You had walked out with nothing more than a severe burn mark on your leg, while your father who tried to rescue you instead of getting out had literally been caught in the crossfire. They had interviewed you, but you kept quiet. But Reginald knew it was your force field. He wrote about how he paid off multiple people to cover this up and make it seem as if it had never happened. Not for your sake, however. It was just so you would never come across someone who wanted to use your powers against his children. Like Five, he speculated that the force field could extend far past what you had always thought. It could render all his ‘projects’ useless. And he couldn't have that.
You closed the file without looking at the other pictures and papers littered within it. You couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. It would have just detailed every other moment in your life like a statistical, emotionless biography.
“I’m sorry about your father,” Five spoke, breaking through your reeling thoughts. You tried to stop the bile rising to the back of your throat.
“Who else has seen this?” You whispered, clutching it tightly to your chest as you met his eyes.
“Just me, as far as I know.”
You nodded your head, taking a second the inhale and exhale and suppress it all as you had most of your life. You slipped the file into your bag, stating without room for argument, “I’m keeping this.”
He tilted his head in affirmation, replying, “I expected as much.” Quiet again, you took just a bit longer to try and collect your emotions, turning your face away to look anywhere except the kid who knew more about you than anyone else. It was unnerving. Even more so as he actually seemed at least a bit sincere when he continued with, “I am sorry. But what we need you for, it’s more than this. More than all of us. I had to look at every single option wherever I could, and right now, you’re that option.”
You could take some solace in that. Five, you had come to figure out, was all business. He had a scientific mind, looking at everything as steps to get to a singular goal. He wouldn’t do anything malicious or invasive for fun. Well, at least he wouldn’t unless it got him to whatever goal he had in mind.
“You keep this to yourself, and I’ll listen to whatever plan you have in mind.”
Maybe you would regret it, maybe you wouldn’t. But the Hargreeve’s were clearly desperate for something—for help. You could respect that.
“I also won’t toss you out the window no matter what it is.”
That got a smile out of the little bugger, and an affirmative agreement of, “deal.”
Pushing yourself slightly from where you had withdrawn against the wall, you started to make your way back to the apartment, Five keeping stride beside you. Just as you were about to open the door, he asked, “so, are you going to tell me why you brought a clock with you as a weapon?”
“Nope.”
Five laughed. The bastard actually laughed at something you said. A small, breathy one that really was only a quiet huff presented with a smile, but it was a laugh nonetheless. “Alright then.”
Well, maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
Then you walked into the living area and immediately realized that it was actually going to be far worse than just ‘bad’.  
“Are you wearing a G-string?”
Holding his pants in his hand, with what looked like coffee or tea dripping from them and on to the plush white carpet, Klaus turned towards you from where he had previously been glaring at an equally as annoyed looking Luther, a sly smile morphing his face instead. Slightly popping his hip coquettishly, he replied in a faux sultry tone, “why yes, I am. You like? 
You shrugged, dropping your bag into the couch, already becoming desensitized to his odd and unexplainable behaviors. “Honestly, I’m just happy to know you wear anything under those pants at all.”
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Sleeping beauty just need some coffee IASA Chapter 4
He gasped, sitting up in shock. However, something refrained him from getting enough air and was shoved up deep into his throat. He chocked and grasped whatever was blocking his airways, ripping it off. Suddenly he could breathe again and he took big gulps.
His eyes flitted around the room in a panic, not recognizing where he was. Something to his left caught his eye and he stared at the woman that had been checking a machine next to him.
The woman dropped what she was holding and screamed.
He screamed back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam had been staring out the window for a long time now. She didn't pay attention to whatever the teacher was saying. Few kids did.
Word of Danny had gotten around pretty fast and by the end of the first day everyone knew. It had been chaos.
Some people were angry and wanted to bill the Fentons for all the damage Danny's fights had gotten them. Some wanted to report the parents for child abuse. Most were furious at the GIW for disrespecting basic human rights and trying to capture a boy and were pestering the government to shut it down. The president, however, wouldn't back down, saying they were the best of the best at ghost science and this town needed them.
But almost everybody was grateful for Danny and all he'd done for the town.
A lot of people had visited him in the hospital. Including several of Sam's classmates.
They would also continuously ask the two friends questions.
About how it happened. If Danny's parents had known. Whether they got to fight ghosts too. Whether Danny would keep protecting the town or if he was ok.
Sam honestly didn't know. It had been two weeks. She'd never been more worried than she was now. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense, though. He had been exhausted. Physically and mentally. He was probably on the bridge of collapsing anyways and that blast must have depleted his energy reserves.
She sighed and glanced towards Tucker, who was staring at his phone. The device was turned off and pushed far away on the table, but the boy didn't take his eyes off of it.
All of a sudden, a sharp ring interrupted the teacher. Everyone jumped a bit in their seats and they turned to look at Tucker, who was scrambling to pick up his phone and putting it on his ear.
"Yes? For real?!" Tucker's eyes widened and he looked at Sam. "He's awake!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They burst in the hospital room. They had memorized the way long before and could walk from the receptionist to the ICU wing in their sleep.
Their eyes immediately fell on the small family in the corner.
Maddie looked about ready to cry and Jack was standing still with furrowed eyebrows. It was not a sight Tucker and Sam had expected to see.
The cause of all this grief was sitting up on his bed with a frustrated expression. He didn't have a breathing mask on anymore and the IV had been removed.
"Danny!" Sam cheered and sprang forward to hug him. He tensed under her hug and she frowned, letting go. "Danny?"
The boy huffed, looking incredibly uncomfortable. "So I've been told. Who are you?"
She was so perplexed her arms went slack. Tucker sucked in a gasp and they both turned to the doctor that had been standing next to them. He cleared his throat. "Yes. Daniel seems to suffer from Amnesia. From what you have told me and what we discovered, this was caused by a combination of sleep deprivation, malnutrition, and recent stress. The severe concussion he recently got sealed it. It affected his hippocampus." The doctor stopped reading from his paper and looked Danny over before continuing. "From what I have gathered up to now, he seems to only be affected on the explicit memory, meaning the memory of the places and the times and the people. Or the who, what, where, when and why. However, the implicit seems normal, thankfully."
"The what?" Tucker breathed out, barely able to form words as he tried to understand everything happening.
"That means the skills he has learned. He can walk, talk, breathe, and all the motoric functions he has learned throughout his life, as well as riding a bike or reading. However, I'm not sure whether his semantic memory is damaged. This is the common knowledge. For example the days of the month. Or when his birthday is. The damage on that may vary."
The raven gave an exasperated sigh. "If you go through that explanation one more time I'm gonna give myself another concussion."
"Well," Tucker smiled weakly, even though tears were threatening to fall, "he didn't change personality-wise."
The other boy grinned. "He did say I still have the skills I learned. Must have practiced my sass a lot because I'm a pro."
Sam snorted. "Yeah. You did." She turned to the doctor. "But they will come back, right? This isn't permanent?"
For the first time, the doctor's face fell. "I- we aren't sure. Retrograde amnesia, which is what this condition is called, doesn't have a cure, but there are some ways to coach old memories to come back. Most patients remember their oldest memories, but Danny doesn't seem to even have that. If he does regain some memories, it will most likely be from early childhood. However, we can't be sure. It could get better, worse, or stay like this for the rest of his life." He looked at the pale faces in the room and smiled encouragingly. "But I don't think it will get worse given that this was a brain injury, first and foremost."
He nodded towards the parents. "Before I run a blood test and prescribe anything, I need some questions answered." He took out a list and a pen. "Did Daniel take medications? Any past health problems? For example seizures or strokes or infections? Did he take drugs?" He crossed over every time they shook their heads or wrote down when they mentioned something about a panic attack or how he had had an accident in the portal.
The doctor shook his head. This kid was a walking medical catastrophe. It was no wonder he ended up with amnesia. He sighed and put his papers down. "I'll send for a drug test and he'll have an MRI scan. After that he will have to stay in the hospital for a few more days until he is fully healed. Daniel, will you let us put back the IV?"
Danny scrunched his nose. "Ugh why. I'm awake now. I just need some food. Do you guys have some fries?"
"We'll get you appropriate food after the IV is back on. Your body is still short on nutrients."
"Please, Danny." Maddie begged. "The sack also has some ectoplasm. It will help you heal faster. You will be able to get out of here sooner."
Danny pursed his lips. This woman claimed to be his mom, and let me tell you how weird it is to not even remember your own mother. He wasn't even sure if he could trust these people. They could be lying to him for all he knew. But he had no other option. Besides, that woman gave him a comforting vibe. He smiled at her unconsciously and nodded. "Alright, but the second I'm out I want pancakes."
All the medical procedures had been run and the doctor had decided Danny would stay two more days before he could go home. All Danny's injuries had been healed during his coma. He claimed nothing hurt and only complained about getting food. Something nobody was surprised about. The boy hadn't eaten normal food in weeks. What they were surprised about was that he was so restless. He should be tired. In fact, he should still be unconscious. But nobody was about to complain about that.
What Danny really wanted was a bath. He felt dirty and gross. He was horrified to learn he'd been washed during his slumber and couldn't look at any nurse in the eye after that.
However, he felt especially uncomfortable when groups of strangers walked through the door and grinned at him and gave him presents and took pictures.
He glanced at the table next to him. It was simply covered in 'thank you' and 'get well' notes and some kind of merchandise. He had also gotten many pictures and drawings, but they were so confusing he couldn't figure heads or tails of it. On the other side were also some balloons and a few stuffed animals and to top it off, all around him were flowers.
I must have been some kind of celebrity, Danny thought. But why were they thanking him?
A girl suddenly burst through the doors and tackled the poor boy. He let out a yelp and she let go just as fast as she'd latched on and started rambling.
"I'm so sorry. I came as soon as I heard and then the plane was delayed and I first had to arrange a short vacation and I had to finish this assignment and they wouldn't let me go saying you weren't in danger of death and they said 'Alright, you can go, but if you don't get that degree it's on you' and I swear I was about to strangle them."
Danny couldn't understand what she was talking about so he took the time to inspect her. She had long brownish-red hair and he could honestly see the resemblance to his apparent mother. This must be Jasmine, his older sister.
The girl seemed to catch on that Danny wasn't responding and she paused, looking at him good for the first time. They stared at each other in silence for some time, taking in the other sibling.
Jasmine held out her hand and smiled. "Hello. My name is Jasmine, but you can call me Jazz. I'm sorry about just now. I was a bit worried."
Danny blinked in surprise. Why was she introducing herself? She must know he had amnesia. He grinned. It felt nice to know at least someone didn't come asking him if he knew them or expecting something from him. He shook her hand. "I don't think I need to introduce myself since you probably know me better than I do. You're my sister, right?"
Her smile brightened and he silently congratulated himself. "Yes. I'm two years older. So I'm nineteen and you're gonna be seventeen in Oktober 27. It's July 13 today. I just came from college."
Danny smiled softly, grateful for all the information she was giving him. He felt awkward having to ask such simple things. "Are you in the first year?"
She nodded. "I'm studying creative therapy. To put it simply, it's a kind of therapy for people who can't put their problems into words so instead do it with their hands. The therapist then can study their movements and results to see how they think and how to help them. There are many types and I'm doing a mix between drama and art."
She continued talking and Danny listened. He learned so much. She told him all about her and her life and her friends and even what recently happened in college. It was as if they were catching up on old times.
She didn't mention anything about Danny, or what he used to do or what they did together and he was grateful for that. It would have felt like she was telling him what he should have done and he would've felt obligated. It was an insane thought, given that all that had happened in the past, but he didn't want people telling him who he was.
They talked for hours. Mostly she was the one speaking, but Danny often put in his opinion or input in something and she would laugh.
At one point, a violet-eyed girl and a dark-skinned boy walked in and joined them. Danny remembered them as the two people who were there when he woke up. He tensed a bit, but they just greeted him and sat down. They said some words to Jazz and turned to look at him.
The boy wiped his hands on his pants and cleared his throat, but at a look from Jazz he smiled at Danny. "Hey, man. I don't think we told you our names. I'm Tucker Foley and that's Sam Manson."
Danny nodded towards them, but frowned at the girl. "Are your eyes naturally purple?"
Sam rolled said eyes as Tucker laughed. "No." She admitted. "They're blue. I got these contact lenses from my grandmother. She didn't want them to go to waste."
Tucker laughed some more. "Her grandmom used to be really rebellious as a teen. She saw potential in Sam," he told Danny and so the conversation went into flow again.
Sam and Tucker telling Danny about themselves and complaining a bit about school. They also told him how they met.
Apparently, Danny had known these people for practically all his life. Since kindergarten. That was a weird thought.
Jazz had glared at them for bringing that up but Danny sighed. "It's ok, Jazz. I'm gonna get this a lot from now on."
Sam winced. "Sorry. Just thought you'd want some background information. If there's something you don't like talking about we won't. Just tell us, alright?"
Danny shrugged. "That's just the thing, Sam. I don't know anything about anything. Everyone expects me to know all kinds of stuff and then it's just gonna get awkward." He huffed, frowning. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'll just figure out what my life is now."
Jazz grinned, beaming proudly. "That's the way to look at it, Danny. Just start off fresh."
Except that wasn't entirely possible. The moment Danny was admitted out of the hospital he knew his life was way weirder than he had thought at first.
When he was let out there was a crowd waving him off and cheering and he got a green sock thrown at him so that was a nice way to enter the world fresh.
Then there was the house he apparently lived in.
He honestly had no idea what to say about that. It looked like aliens had infiltrated earth and were doing a terrible job at laying low.
He sighed, ignoring all the paparazzi and following the two adults inside. It was much better inside. It was very clean. As if it had been prepared for his arrival. That just made him feel more guilty.
Maddie and Jack were grinning at him as they gave him a tour of the house. Maddie more nervously, while Jack was excited.
The first and second story were pretty normal. On the first was the kitchen and the living room. Then upstairs were all the bedrooms. Danny paused in what was apparently his room. It looked pretty clean and neat. He must have been either a perfectionist or his mom had tidied it up for him. He was gonna go with the second one.
Finally, he was shown the basement and the op Center, which is what they called the UFO on the house. The UFO looked exactly how Danny imagined a UFO would look like. It was huge and had a lot of wires. Somewhere something was beeping, but he couldn't figure out what.
Then the basement. Danny shivered as soon as he entered. He saw millions of weird machines and guns and a milkshake maker he decided not to trust. The name Fenton appeared everywhere. Like a logo.
Then there was a door at the other side of the room. It had a beethemed pattern as if warning people of toxins. Danny felt like he should put on a face mask or something to protect himself. His father was wearing some type of protective suit.
"What do you do for a living," he asked, exasperated.
"We're ghost hunters!" Jack grinned, leaving Danny with a baffled expression.
"Why do you hunt ghosts?" He asked, stumped and curious. The part about ghosts didn't surprise him much. It felt as normal as the fact birds were chirping outside.
Jack's expression fell and he exchanged a look with Maddie. "Well son." He started cautiously. "We're ghost scientists. We have been studying them for years. We sometimes catch one to learn more about them from up close."
"Like they're animals." Danny frowned and his parents grimaced.
"They're not all sentient, Danny." It was Maddie who said this. "And Amity park has been haunted by ghosts for years. Most of them attacked and destroyed."
"Well maybe most of them just stayed home minding their own business and the ones that did mean bad came here so we don't see the other side of their world."
To his surprise Maddie smiled softly. "Yes. You may be right."
They didn't tell him much about the things in the basement. In fact it was the shortest they had been in a room and they practically shoved him back up the stairs.
They stayed in the living and talked a bit and Maddie went to the kitchen to cook some dinner because it was already pretty late in the afternoon. Danny had a foreboding feeling. Probably because how Jazz paled and sent him a few scared looks.
Danny stood up and followed his mother to see her fumbling around the fridge, trying to find something that didn't try to bite her hand off. "Hey?" Danny started, unsure if this would be seen as impolite. "Do you want me to help you cook dinner?"
The woman brightened considerably as she slammed the fridge shut and smiled at him. "Are you sure? I mean. Yes, I would love it if you did this with me."
Danny nodded and rolled his sleeves up before washing his hands. Maddie's eyes widened when she realized she'd forgotten to do that.
"So what are we making?"
Maddie scrunched her face. "I'm not sure yet, Danny. There isn't much left that is edible."
"Where do you keep all the food?" Her boy's eyes searched the small kitchen and she remembered he had forgotten all of that.
She pointed out the fridge and a few cabinets and he looked through them, bringing out many types of ingredients and selecting a few out. He asked for the pots and the pans and she pointed it out. He asked for herbs and she showed him. He asked her anything and she gave him the answer, watching in amusement as he fell right into his element.
Maddie settled back a bit as she saw him swiftly cut some carrots and dump them in the pot. She smiled. It had been a long time ago that Danny had taken the job of a cook in this house. Given that no one had any insight in it or kept mixing the sauce with the wrong chemical (what do you mean chemicals aren't supposed to go in food?). The raven had looked up recipes or he would cook ready-made food.
He'd started simple and after a while started mixing in his own stuff and experimenting. He had loved it. Maddie had let him drop a few chores so he would have time to prepare and make dinner. He would write a list of groceries and tape it on the fridge and Jack would go buy it.
In fact, Maddie could see the last note he had written still on the top left of the refrigerator. Her eyes watered a bit.
"Are you ok?"
She wiped her eyes and nodded. "Just that onion you were cutting just now. It's fine. Go ahead. You're doing a great job." She smiled. "Anything else you need?"
He shook his head as he flipped some pieces of meat on the sizzling pan. "Well, not for now. There are no more potatoes. And when was the last time you refilled the salt? And I had to use something else instead of the paprika because that's all done too. And you got way too much beef. How are you going to eat it all before it expires."
Maddie's smile turned nostalgic as she saw all he listed right now written on the little sticky note on the fridge. "We usually don't," she told him, earning herself a look of disgust.
Finally, the dinner was ready and they all say down to eat. Each family member congratulating the boy on the excellent food and what would they do without him. They didn't mention how they'd barely survived the two weeks he'd been absent.
Jazz was just in college, but Jack and Maddie had to constantly order pizza or eat in a restaurant every night. Even something as making some toast was always a hassle. Not only because the toaster sometimes malfunctioned and threw up the bread so hard it stuck on the ceiling, but Maddie was also very sure bread shouldn't be green.
Now they had Danny back. Everything had changed. Just....everything.
But he was back.
They talked a bit more. Danny asked about the many drawings they'd had to carry back home along with the rest of the presents. Who was that man on the drawings that looked to be made by kids ranging from three to fifteen?
Jack looked excited to tell him something, but Jazz had shushed them. She smiled at Danny reassuringly. "How about we talk about that tomorrow. You have enough to think on right now." She stacked the empty plates and brought them to the sink. "You heard the doctor. Get some rest. I'll do the dishes. Don't worry about school yet. You have a few weeks to recuperate and get used to life."
Danny looked at each of the people in the room, taking in their appearance and demeanor. If this was his family, no matter how crazy, he loved it. He smiled and turned around, bidding them a good night.
He walked up the stairs and paused, trying to remember where his room was.
He had a small moment of panic when he couldn't recall right away. What if he forgot more things? What if he forgot whatever he did today? What if the doctor was wrong and my amnesia isn't just of whatever happened before the concussion and I'll keep forget- oh wait his door was the one in the left hall.
He sighed in relief when his assumption was proved correct as the door opened. He closed it behind him and took a good look around.
The walls were white, but they had been covered in many posters about some kind of egg band or about a Doom. He wasn't sure. There were also some NASA posters and the wall next to his desk had a big board covered in pictures. There was a blackhaired boy with Sam and Tucker. A lot of those actually. And some about random places Danny had no clue about.
But his eyes wandered to that boy again. Was that...him?
He hadn't looked in the mirror yet. It was strange. Not knowing what you looked like.
Was that really him?
He found a mirror next to the dresser and the closet. It was large. It could fit his whole upper body and a bit of his legs.
He paused before taking a peek. A pit in his stomach and a bit of adrenaline made him jump forward and stare at the boy in the mirror.
He looked a bit older than in those pictures. But he still has black hair, blue eyes, a small nose and smallish eyes and thin lips and fat cheeks and freckles. Although he felt better knowing he had a bit of a jawline and the baby fat was less than in the pictures. His hair was also longer. And it was messy. Probably hadn't been brushed in weeks. Even if they had washed it, as they said, it still looked greasy and dirty.
He didn't feel like doing much of his appearance right now.
He wanted to explore.
He put to the side the pile of presents his father had dumped in his room after having brought it from the hospital and went rummaging through his room.
He opened every drawer, looked at every piece of clothing and squinted under every piece of furniture and he learned a bit about his past self.
He didn't have much variety in clothing. It was mostly T-shirts, jeans and sweaters. There was one neat suit shoved in the back, though.
He had some kind of obsession with stars.
Same thing goes for ghosts. There was even a map in his dresser. Along with a long list of names and some kind of description behind them.
He looked in the bathroom, which he had found he had right in his room. He found a first aid kit shoved under the sink, which he found odd. The rest was just normal supplies for in the shower.
But for the rest, his old life was still a mystery to him. Danny wondered if he would ever gain it back. Had he always been this famous? Wasn't it exhausting? And why had everyone been thanking him?
He suddenly wondered where his phone was. He should have one right? He'll ask his mother tomorrow.
But he really wanted to look up amnesia on the internet.
His eyes fell on a beat up laptop and he tried to turn it on, but it had a password. The hint wasn't even helpful. It just said 'bitch' and Danny honestly felt attacked and offended.
He plopped down on the bed with a deep sigh.
Everyone told him to get rest, but that was the last thing he wanted to do. He felt so energetic and restless. He didn't think that should be normal. He was pretty sure patients just coming out of comatose shouldn't feel rested.
Sigh, just one more thing he wanted to look up on the internet.
He also wanted to know how he went into a coma.
The doctor had vaguely mentioned a concussion or another kind of head injury. Must have been bad. He'd also made it pretty clear Danny was up long before anyone had thought he would be.
Maybe if I had slept for a bit longer, Danny thought, I would have been able to keep my memories.
He groaned quietly. Nothing made sense. Life was a weird jumble of gibberish and with every piece of information he made out it just became even weirder.
He lifted his arm to look at one picture he found he liked. A white haired anime man was standing with hands on his hips and a cape fluttering behind him. Sparkles had been thrown around as well as glitter that had been glued on.
There wasn't a note or anything, just a boy's name. Joey. Along with a small drawing of a dinosaur that Danny didn't think had anything to do with the rest.
That same anime boy turned up everywhere. On the balloons. On the plushies. On the shirt he'd gotten. On the posters the poeple seeing him off from the hospital were holding.
Who was that dude??
And what did Danny have to do with him??
Danny stood up and walked towards the mirror again. He cocked one hip as he put his hands on them and frowned at the image.
"Who are you?" He asked the boy with exasperation. "And just how crazy is your life?"
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legion1993 · 5 years
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together forever!
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AN: this is another piece for @icantlivewithyou for her 800 followers challenge! enjoy! ps. sorry about the long beginning i kinda lost track of what i was doing with the story... but it still works...
Prompt 54 “Let’s forget about destiny.”
pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader
summery: there isnt one...
masterlist
another year had come and gone, hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry was one of the best things to ever happen to you, the best decision your parents ever could have made...
 over your years you mastered every spell you were taught, you learned spells to use in your daily life... you were favorite amongst all your teachers... 
well all except Snape but then again he really didnt like any student that wasnt in Slytherin, and even then he sometimes rarely tollerated them... as extra credit you were one of Hogwarts spell tutors...
 meaning basically you were the only student brave enough to tutor the students who needed extra help with their assignments. let me give you a hint as to which house had the most trouble with staying focused... 
thats right it was the Slytherin house... meaning you a Ravenclaw were the only ravenclaw dumb enough to say yes to the job... even for extra credit the other ravenclaws wouldnt do it...
but the only slytherin that stuck with the tutoring throughout the years was Draco Malfoy... he was dashing but fraternizing between houses was frowned upon, i mean if it happened it happened no one would dare stand in the way of soulmates...
 about a year ago to this day you and Draco had met outside of school. you were in diagon alley when he found you in the book store, you went to the 3 broomsticks to meet privately... 
to get a head start on some of the paper work for tutoring.. both you and Draco had turned 18 within a week or 2 of eachother... 
this was one of the reasons Madame rosmertta didnt say anything to anyone about you 2 being there together. she handed you 2 a complementary birthday butterbeer, and went back to her regular customers... 
Draco: “that reminds me i made you something... its just something i happened to make when practicing some art spells... this is to say thank you for not giving up on tutoring me...”
you watched him place a small box on the table in front of you, with the tap of his want he made appear a glass figurine of your house crest... you picked it up and held it...
 YN: “Draco i’m impressed you found a talent that you enjoy... well done... i am grateful for this token... all i got from my family was a fully paid 2 years away from home. just me myself and i... in a magic community just outside of paris...”
Draco: “kind of like a place of your own type thing... when do you move in?”
YN: “supposed to be going to check out the place over christmas break... did you want to come with?”
Draco: “so long as no one sees us that we know, we should be good... i’ll just tell my parents that im doing some travelling over christmas break and that im not coming home, that im doing some soul searching...”
You could only smile as Draco held his glass of Butterbeer towards you...
Draco: “to our final year at Hogwarts...”
YN: “may it shine supreme...”
you clinked your glass with his... thats when both of you felt it, a burning into your arms, it was like an instant connection... something that had slowly been building over the years. 
Draco moved closer to you, your secluded location now hiding your unforseen passion. 
Draco: “whats happening?”
YN: “i dont know its almost like we are magnetized...”
Draco: “its like a new string of feelings.”
your hands at that moment became intertwined.. it was like the force of 2 magnets being forced together, but the connection broke when a familiar voice broke the room...
Lucius: “Rosmertta, business is good i presume...”
Rosmertta: “its fine lucius, what can i do for you today?”
Lucius: “im looking for a place to host a private function is one of your rooms available...”
rosemertta had to think for a moment she knew you and Draco were back there... she made something up on the spot...
Rosmertta: “let me just go do an inspection of one room thats just come available... ill be back in a jiffy to bring you back there...”
lucius as impatient as he was, wasnt gonna argue with rosmertta... she came back there to where you children were and did a sound proofing spell on the room...
rosmertta: “you both need not be here right now... boy your fathers out there... flash yourselves someplace else far from here... ill cover your scents... ill also not tell anyone you were here...”
you both thanked her, grabbed all your things, holding hands you both thought of a different place, far from there... you guys wind up in an alley near the london station... you look at Draco as he does you, both of you searching for something that is there but shouldnt be...
Draco: “can i walk you home? or do you have to be home?”
YN: “i dont have to be home right away but i sense you wanna talk about what happened back in the 3 broomsticks...”
Draco: “can i try something?”
you nod unsure of what it is that he wants to do, at that moment it hadnt hit you... till he popped both of you to a room he had rented in the leaky cauldron, thats when he wrapped his arm around your waist slowly, he moved his other hand to cup your cheek, your body was starting to react... 
thats how it started, the sneaking around, the lying, the keeping it a secret from everyone. except for a few weeks in summer when draco would come to your secret place and stay with you, he also was kind enough to help you move some of your stuff... 
the start of the school year...
YN: “our last first day of school like ever... how the hell are we gonna survive next year...”
Hermione: “i dont know but if anything it will be awesome! when is the first quidditch game of the year?”
You had to think about that for a moment but as you were thinking you heard a voice like a whisper in your ear...
Draco: “meet you in the quidditch house i wanna talk to you about the upcoming game schedule...”
you didnt reallize it but you now had a goofy smile on your face...
Hermione: “okay spill girl!”
YN: “spill what?”
Hermione: “whats with the goofy look on your face?” 
you had to recompose yourself... you turned to Hermione and smiled lightly...
YN: “so for my birthday my parents got me a all expense paid 2 year home away from home type thing... they want me to experience my own world away from them for 2 years...”
Hermione: “what thats amazing! and congrats again on the big 18 i cant believe we will all graduate from here at 18.. but that smile on your face was one of a love struck girl... is there something your not telling me?”
YN: “no girl if i was in love with someone dont you think i would have told you by now...”
Hermione only had to think about that for a moment for she knew as well as you that there wasnt anything you girls wouldnt tell eachother. 
Hermione: “okay ive gotta go meet the boys ill see you for whats our first class together?”
You pulled out your class list and smiled...
YN: “potions... but right now i gotta go get changed and meet Draco at the quidditch tent, he is captain for slytherin he wants to discuss the game schedule or something...”
Hermione: “please be careful dont let that dick wad walk all over you... we will see you in potions... love you...”
YN: “love you too...”
you stalked off to your dorm to place down your bags, and get into your quidditch gear, making sure that you are not seen too long by many, but seen and marked as arrived... 
you headed down to the field. you arrived at the captains tent to find only one other captain signed in currently. you knew the other captains werent as worried about quidditch on the first day... but with Slytherin and Ravenclaw teams being the only 2 teams to ever make it to the semi finals for the wizarding world champs... 
lets just say that was part of yours and Dracos ploy to get to spend time together. sneak a few moments here and there... but this was the captains tent the one that ravenclaw and slytherin teams have shared for decades.
you entered the tent after sound proofing it... and smiled lightly at the sight of Draco all comfy on the lounge chair...
YN: “hey...”
that was all you had to say, Draco laid his eyes on you and got off of that chair so fast you didnt have time to blink... you also really didnt care... it was kinda fun sneaking around... 
Draco cupped your cheek and kissed you ever passionately... he knew that there was a very slim chance that you werent feeling the same way he was...
Draco: “god that train ride was dull and long... it would have been more fun if you had been beside me...”
YN: “i know but we have to keep up appearances... who has the practice field first...”
Draco: “hufflepuff... we have the evening slots...  which i guess is so they dont interferee with our afternoon classes...”
YN: “i can see if i can swap my slot with Gryphindor so i can put my tutoring slot this evening...”
Draco: “i guess my girl has 1st and 2nd years that also need help...”
YN: “yep my tutoring list is already growing and most studentz have only taken 1 or 2 classes by this point...”
that of course is when the earth shook... both you and Draco pulled out your wands searching for anything to be the cause... thats when you both recieved a fire message... because you both were also your house prefects... you both popped over to just outside the great hall where students and teachers were gathering... 
both you and Draco were called up front with the other prefects and teachers..
McGonigal: “teachers we need to try and keep the students calm... prefects your task is to keep your houses in order... Dumbledore and a few other teachers have gone to see about the school barrier... if its what we fear the school is about to be under war.. we have also sent owls to all the families of the normal and first year students... alerting them of the situation... they will have the option to pull their student home if they desire...”
Draco: “professor, what or who exactly is attacking the school?”
Mcgonigal: “death eaters... followers of you know who... now everyone to your stations and brace yourselves... and prefects keep in contact... leave all quarrels and bickering at the door... right now everyone in this room friend or foe is allied...”
the great hall where many a banquet and dinner and ball party whatever type of event was or had been held... the room this year was set up so from left to right it was Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Gryphindor & Hufflepuff... 
so over the last year and a bit, you and Draco could steal a few stolen ‘bickering’ exchanges... you two had developed a kind of love-hate relationship for the public eye... the daily prophet one year had a rivalry photo between your 2 houses... it was a huge deal... 
anyway back to the matter on hand. after settling your Ravenclaws down, your other prefect went to sit at the other end of the table as Draco now came to sit across from you. he noticed you putting your head in your hands and the pannic setting in, he decided that instead of sitting on his side he would come and sit beside you.... ‘pretend to be friendly’
Draco: “are you okay, YN?”
you turned your head slightly and shook your head, you were beyond scared right then you didnt know what might come out of your mouth...
YN: “no im not... what if your father is out there? are you really prepared to face him?”
Draco: “well i mean if it comes down too it yeah, but it will be alot harder for us to keep you know what a secret from the effects of whatever curse they decide to throw at any number of us...”
YN: “i know thats what i’m afraid of... i mean we have kept us a secret for almost 2 years... i think the world deserves to know...before everything goes to shit...”
thats when Draco got up and walked over to mcgonigal..
Draco: “excuse me professor but i think i know exactly what inspirational speech to give right now... may i?”
Mcgonigal: “of course mr malfoy...”
Draco stepped up to the podium and cleared his throat, thus making everyone in the room turn their eyes to him.
Draco: “we live in a world today where voldemort and his death eaters think they have a spotting chance at ruling both the wizarding world and the muggle realm... this is why hogwarts and other schools were started to train the younger genration of witches and wizards alike in the art and practice of magic. but today we are gathered for a different cause, our school is under attack, but i know we have all seen a change in the last few years here within these walls, within our lives, within our houses, we never cease to amazing ourselves and eachother. but one thing that has amazed me over these past few years, is how amazing YN of ravenclaw is... you know what she sits over there at the other end of her table because she exhausts herself every single damn day. tutoring, being a prefect, leading the ravenclaw qudditch team, and still going to her regular classes. YN you have changed my life in ways i can’t express in alot of words but i have several little words now that will change both of our lives... may all of you bare witness to this momentus moment. for if we live through this tragedy we will be in a time of celebration.”
Draco comes around the podium and stands on the stage in front of you...
Draco: “YN, lets forget about destiny, lets forget for a moment that we are under attack, or surrounded by our peers, lets pretend that its still summer and we are hiding in a alley way outside of london station hiding from my father, lets forget about what the world already thinks of us, and show the world what and who we can be together...”
this earned all the students and all the teachers to put their eyes from you to Draco as you now stood up to Draco’s getting down onto 1 knee...
Draco: “YN will you marry me?”
you started walking towards him slowly...
YN: “Draco you changed my world too, i was a little lost before you came into my life, i knew that there was something there from that first day till that day a year ago when we talked without hesitation or speech impediment, or stuttering or any barriers... i know a different side of you as you do me... i guess what i’m trying to say is: Yes of course i’ll marry you!!!”
the entire great hall bared witness as you ran up the stage and into Dracos loving embrace, tender arms holding you close, his lips then passionately kissing you with a joyous noise erupting from the entirety of the room. then Draco used his new found arts magic skill to forge you on the spot a diamond ring, he slid it on your finger and the kissing continued...
you guys were interrupted by several teachers including your house teachers and several others, then approached by your partner prefects, and your head boy/girl... then you were approached by Ron, Hermione, and Harry... 
Hermione: “YN girl, what i mean how, i mean when... i mean you said you werent interested in anyone...”
YN: “we wanted to make sure we were gonna last first before we told anyone... we have been sneaking around, and making excuses, making up little white lies, taking no small moment however small for granted...”
Harry: “well Draco i guess if YN ends up with anyone i suppose i should be happy she ended up with someone who wont break her heart...”
Draco: “ya well i know if i did that she would kick my arse... so im gonna avoid that...”
Ron: “i suppose i agree with both hermione and Harry but i guess i should add that its a good thing your both 18 now right...”
You and Draco looked at eachother and smiled...
YN: “yep during the summer within a week or 2 of eachother...”
Draco: “thank you all of you for supporting us... i’m sure...”
just before Draco could finish his sentance... the windows of the hall were blasted open... Draco you harry hermione and ron all crouched and huddled together, then looking up at the sound of a voice speaking from the smoke entering the room...
Lucius: “oh my my my what is happening here... it looks like a bunch of marry ment was going on...”
thats when Lucius spotted Draco and how defensive he was of you... then he noticed the ring on your finger...
Lucius: “boy get away from that girl.. or i swear i will beat you with my belt son...”
Draco: “never you cant make me...”
this made everyone clear out of the way... this was a wizards stance... kind of like 1,2,3 shoot... except it was cast your spells and see whose wins... Draco and you already having your wands ready prepared your shots...
Lucius: “Avarda Kadarva...”
Draco: “impedimenta..”
YN: “imperio...”
Lucius had his aimed right for you and Draco...
Draco Aimed his right at his father  that slowed him right down.... long enough for your spell to hit lucius and point him and one of the death eaters... 
this was the start of the great Battle of Hogwarts as well as your new journey of life with Draco... but thats another story for another time...
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coffeelouis · 5 years
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does anyone even care that i’m doing these? oh well, here are this month’s fics! now, i thought i read a little less than average, as most of the month was spent consuming the monster that is red hands, but then i counted and i was actually right on track! look @ me, what a gem ✨
additionally, i’ve decided to start starring my favorites (i’ve gone back and done that one for previous ones too) so yaaaay 
⭐ so many birthdays (that i missed) by @tofiveohfive Louis doesn’t know nearly enough about science and the cosmos to explain how every atom in his being stands to attention; how his body immediately knows who he’s bumped into.It’s somewhat underwhelming when the first word he hears out of Harry’s mouth after twelve months is, “Oh.”AU inspired by Julia Michaels’ Into You
please forgive me if my lips quake by @disgruntledkittenface
Hi ! Got your number from your cat Lou. Just want to make sure they’re not lost, only visiting
Harry’s pet cat wing-womans her into a date.
⭐ Truly, Madly, Deeply (10 Things I Hate About You) by @sunsetmog
The first Louis had heard of Harry auditioning for X Factor was the night he’d turned up on Louis’ doorstep the day before leaving for Boot Camp, with a DVD and an illicit bottle of vodka.
Thing was, Louis hated secrets, and he really hated being made a fool of, and he really, really hated Harry Styles.
or: the one in which they’re all in sixth form together, and Harry auditions for X Factor without them.
snippits of the baby fic by @bananasandboots
Harry found out he got his ex pregnant the day after he realized and confessed to Louis (and slept with him) that he’d been in love with him for quite some time. It was actually in Louis’ POV which I’d never done before, and Harry makes the tough choice to try and make things work with the ex, and then flash forward about a year to when the ex has left him again (and the baby) and Harry has to deal with the fact that he’s still in love with Louis while trying to be respectful of the fact that he kind of broke Louis’ heart and Louis wouldn’t take kindly to him making another move again.
[this is an unconventional choice as the fic is not finished so i was really just reading the drabbles she’s posted because she doesn’t intend to finish but it was really good anyway so i’m including it]
All’s Fair in Love and Laundry by @larrymylove
“What the fuck are you wearing there, mate?” A female voice asked, laced with amusement.
Harry gritted her teeth and gripped a t-shirt tightly in her hands as she replied in a taut voice, “Look, I’ve had a long day and this is all that was clean. So I’m obviously doing laundry. Also, obviously, I’m not in the mood to defend my fashion choices right now after said long day, so…”
“Whatever,” the voice said, “You look like you’re wearing a fucking parachute. A fucking parachute with cats on.”
Harry has run out of clothes to wear. So she puts on the hideous nightgown Gemma got her for Christmas and prays no one sees her as she makes a mad dash to the laundry room to fix her clothing situation. Of course, the universe hates her (or maybe loves her) because in walks the most beautiful girl Harry has ever seen. Banter and teasing ensue and maybe a bit of romance too. And maybe, just maybe, that ugly nightgown wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
i gotta get better! by @dystopianharry
harry’s sex life has been pretty nonexistent since he broke up with his last non-soulmate boyfriend. after a chance encounter with someone online, he decides to enlist them to help him out. no strings attached, obviously.
or soulmates can feel each others’ pain and harry has some kinks he wants to explore.
unplugged by @dinosaursmate
“I’m so fucking horny, Louis.” Louis closed his eyes, taking a second to compose himself. That little prickle of arousal was swelling and it needed to be stopped. “Harry, we’re at work. Control yourself.” He opened his eyes and cocked his eyebrow. “If my boss catches you in here-” “Louis, you know as well as I do that all the managers are at a conference today,” Harry smirked. “And that means you are the most superior person in the building right now.” “Yeah, that’s true,” Louis laughed. - Harry and Louis didn’t have sex last night and Harry’s finding it difficult to cope.
so hot, give me your gasoline by @ballsdeepinjesus
Louis grins and cocks his head to the side, rolling his shoulder against the door. “Just wanted to get to the know the boy who was ogling my ass throughout the entirety of Act III, Scene IV.”
Harry blushes and toes his feet along the floor, biting his lip. In retrospect, he’s a little taken aback by his shamelessness throughout the play. He’s always been told that he’s quite single-minded, but he took it to another level tonight. He’s not sure he regrets it. He looks back up at Louis and trails his eyes over his body. No, he definitely doesn’t regret it.
[louis is hamlet. harry is an admirer.]
I’m Broken, Do You Hear Me? by @ropewithnoanchor
Louis starts acting weird and distant around Harry, and it takes Harry a little while to put together what’s wrong. When he finally does, he’s determined to help Louis see just how much he loves every piece of him.
You Watched Me Sink by @bananasandboots
They’ve discussed it a few times - the boyfriend thing. It’s not like it’s some forbidden, horrific, abandon hope all ye who talk about furthering the relationship sort of subject. They’re mature adults. They’re in tune with their feelings, their hearts’ desires, the way those butterflies swoop in their bellies whenever they so much as hold each other’s hands. They like each other. A lot. It’s mutual, they know. But for now, they’re just content to enjoy the simplicity of what they have, and what they have is great.
When dating in secret stops being enough, then they’ll discuss that too.
Or, the one where Harry teaches Sex Ed and sneaks around with the drama teacher, and doesn’t realize how out of tune he is with his true feelings until everyone else figures it out for him.
red hands by @dystopianharry​
“I’ve never told anyone,” Harry murmurs, voice so soft no one else would be able to hear, if it wasn’t just the two of them.
“But you’ve told someone,” Louis says firmly. “And that’s not gonna fucking happen around here. You don’t speak a word of it, or someone’s going to kill you, and we can’t let that happen.”
*
a dystopian au in which harry, an ex-soldier who’s escaped from his government run camp, accidentally stumbles across the biggest rebel movement in the country, and louis, one of the rebellion’s mysterious leaders who appears to hate him, seems to simultaneously have an obsession with keeping him alive. or: harry is wanted for treason, niall hasn’t changed in four years, liam is always smiling, and louis is angry. like, really angry.
sweet, sweet fate by @bottomlinsons​
Harry’s lived with a NSFW soulmark for almost twenty-five years now. When he finally meets the man responsible, he gives him a little piece of his mind.
as luck would have it by @bottomlinsons​
It’s intense, the realisation that these last five seconds are going to ruin his entire career. Everything he’s worked for, since he was fucking thirteen, is going to be gone. He’ll be disqualified, from the French team first, and from the Quibs right after. The press is going to tear him to fucking pieces.
He just wanted a fucking coffee.
(Or, Louis' about to play the biggest game of his life. A spiked cup of coffee and his old Hogwarts crush isn't gonna distract him.)
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penumbra-rp · 5 years
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Congratulations Dean, you have been accepted for the role of Rabastan Lestrange!
“Does reputation matter to you?”
“My reputation? Who do you think I am, Taylor Swift?” he questions tauntingly.
Admin Ash: Dean, from the moment we heard of your interest in Rabastan, we had a feeling he had just the vibe that would be perfect for you, and this application only proved how right we were. Rabastan is hilarious, he’s animated, he’s completely and utterly obnoxious -- just as you stated in his traits -- and I found myself cackling out loud to his antics and the numerous ridiculous things he said. Much like the gem above. He’s a proper nuisance -- wearing his place at the bottom of his graduating class like a medal and taking utter pride in spicing up any dinner party -- and I found that I adored him all the more for it. I know he’s going to give many of our Death Eaters a headache that’ll be too hard to shake. I’m so excited that you’ll be bringing our rambunctious rockstar to us! 
Please check out our checklist for joining Penumbra.
01. Out of Character
NAME: Dean
AGE: 21
YOUR BIRTHDAY: July 4th 1997
PRONOUNS: She/Her
TIMEZONE:  GMT
02. In Character
CHARACTER: Rabastan Lestrange
CHARACTER’S PRONOUNS: He/Him
FACECLAIM: Robert Sheehan
CHARACTER’S BIRTHDAY: July 29th
PERSONALITY:
+ Persuasive
+ Comical
+ Boisterous
- Argumentative
- Obnoxious
- Impressionable
BRIEF BULLET POINT BIO:
‘What a beautiful little girl you have,’ strangers would coo, easily mistaking the boy’s long dark eyelashes as a feminine feature. The compliment felt like a stab in the heart for a woman who had mothered two sons when she had spent the majority of her second pregnancy dreaming longingly for a daughter.
The minute he had said his first words, the Lestranges knew he would be nothing like their first child. Rabastan was demanding, his mother’s disinterest and father’s sternness only making him thirst more for their approval. He’d approach the world as if it were a stage and his friends and family was his audience. Every move calculated strategically as a plead for more attention, plots intertwined intricately to remove wishfully himself from his older brother’s seemingly overbearing shadow and earn his own moment in the spotlight. When that didn’t work, Rabastan turned towards misbehaving. Playing cruel tricks on Rodolphus which were reciprocated with pure disdain from the young teenager, saying inappropriate things when there were guests around and neglecting to follow any rules. There were no limits, so long as he knew it would obtain him the measliest bit of recognition.
As his troublesome ways manifested and endangered on becoming a larger problem, Rabastan was swiftly packed up and sent to a private school. One where the tuitions were sky high since there was the promise to straighten out unruly children and turn them into well-behaved future politicians and lawyers. The first couple of years, Rabastan was no stranger to disciplinary procedures. Hours upon hours spent in detention, letters sent home on numerous occasions and not to mention the extra load of homework he’d receive on the basis that he never seemed to be listening in class. Yes, within the three years of his enrolment, the youngest Lestrange was fast becoming one of the rare cases that the school couldn’t fix. Foreseeably a failure in the eyes of his teachers and his parents.
That was, of course, until they decided to place the boy in front of a piano. Fingers gliding effortlessly across ivory keys and filling the room with delicate twinkling accents. What was meant to be another amercement spun into Rabastan’s saving grace, the first time he’d receive acknowledgement for the right reasons and actually feel some contentment in what he was doing. When he’d returned home that year for the summer, his piano lessons continued. Quickly followed by learning the guitar, the violin and even the saxophone. Essentially, it was considered to be a miracle, at long last, they’d found the one thing that installed some calm into Rabastan’s relentless frenzy of a personality.
Throughout the years, Rabastan’s creativity and musical talent only appeared to flourish. Carefully written lyrics sang in perfect pitch over another one of his original guitar riffs, an angelic voice filtering through the house and reverberating a gentle symphony in the bleak hallways. But when the time came, the answer was a clean cut ‘no’ to his proposal of studying anywhere else other than the Slytherin school of Social Business. Despite his talents, his father would have sooner fallen into an early grave than see one of his son’s graduating with anything that wasn’t a business degree.  
The confinements the course held over his time to express artistic freedom entirely reignited Rabastan’s dormant compulsion to rebel. Skipping one too many classes and spending more time drinking than he ever did in the library. When it came to graduating, the life of the party and class clown unsurprisingly had barely scraped the mark. Proudly taking the place at the bottom of his class and leaving the school entirely unqualified to fulfil a role in the family business.
Rabastan had won. One last swipe of his father’s credit card was enough to book a couple of days in a recording studio and the rest, as they say, was history. Songs that he’d masterfully been pouring all of his efforts into during his studies turned to meticulously crafted pieces of art. With a pretty face and sleek style, it wasn’t long before a record label picked him up and churned him into a full-fledged rockstar. Fame and notoriety came second nature. Orchestrating publicity stunts with his PR team and spreading his own rumours were all part of the game in establishing his very own empire. It was as if Rabastan was created for this fast set lifestyle, stepping on other people’s toes so he could climb the social ladder right to the very top.
Rabastan Lestrange had become a household name. Securing a number one in the UK charts for three consecutive months and selling out venues shortly after the release of his debut album. His quick-witted opinions and outrageous interviews going viral across social media, gaining him the admiration of many and resentment of others. It wasn’t long after that, that his family name would call on his like a curse to act dutifully to another cause.
Owning one of the major organisations that formed the frameworks of the Sacred 28 meant that the Lestrange family were no strangers to the acts of Death Eaters. Regularly, it had been part of the dining room chatter that Rabastan was effectively escorted away from, untrusted with the secrets that Rodolphus’ silver tongue was so often wrapped around. That was until they’d seen an opportunity in the younger Lestrange’s childish arrogance and increasing influence he held over the public. Rabastan’s lust for trouble and manipulative discourse fit suitably within the skill sets of a Death Eater. They would use him as a middle man, putting his sweet talk and skilled bribery to good use and when that failed, he’d follow precise orders and discard of the target.
If it weren’t for Rodolphus’s involvement, Rabastan would have never of handed his loyalty to the organisation as easily as he had. Though the Dark Lord may be the ringleader, for Rabastan this went further than ranks. It was about blood. He’d never been that ideal, pristine version of the man his parents anticipated that he’d be. Dismissing controversies to the press with blatant arrogance and refusing to comment on anything associated with Lestrange Industries and the warfare it supported. This was a chance to prove himself, to his bloodline, he was one of them.
INTERVIEW:
i. How do you feel about your current occupation?
“Adoring fans that scream your name, music royalties, fancy events, groupies,” Rabastan lists off one by on his fingers before scoffing, “no, you’re right, I should really go beg my darling big brother for a space in the family business, I’d be a really sexy secretary for a businessman- I mean, picture me in a pencil skirt.” Rabastan puckers his lips at the thought, using his hand to fan himself down, “my apologies, I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it.”
ii. What song would you say describes yourself?
Running a hand below his chin, he’s selecting his next words carefully. “Hmm, now who do I hand out this chunk of free promotion to if not myself… No, really, I say I like something and the sales skyrocket the next day, I guess it’s my charm.” Reclined in his chair Rabastan springs back up once the perfect song comes to mind, “Have you ever heard of The Cheeky Girls?” his own laughter surrounds him in a pitch almost as harmonic as his singing, “In all seriousness, Club Tropicana by Wham! really just radiates my personality.”
iii. Does reputation matter to you?
“My reputation? Who do you think I am, Taylor Swift?” he questions tauntingly. “It’s been said that I’m like marmite, you love me or you hate me. Either way makes no difference to me. This is where my manager comes swanning in to warn me to play nicely with my dearest interviewer, but you know why my fans love me? It’s because I’m genuine, I’m not going to feed them all this bullshit as other singers do- that reminds me! Buy my new EP, available now on iTunes.” he punctuates with a charming wink, though his tone was sarcastic his intent is entirely serious.
iv. What is your relationship with your parents like?
“Mummy and Daddy wanted a little girl so badly, then when I turned out to be a right old diva they still weren’t impressed” He can’t fight the look of pure delight that rules his expression, even as a boy his parents distaste in his demeanour had been hugely entertaining. “Truth is I like being the black sheep of the family, it’s satisfying work for me. That and I make our dinner parties a lot more enjoyable, I inject a healthy bit of personality into the dining room conversations and stop people from falling asleep in their soup bowls, you know?… for example, bear versus shark, who would win? Obviously, it’s the bear.”
v. What languages can you speak?
“Most days I can hardly even speak English,” he declares humorously, “I speak enough French to get by thanks to private schooling. You know the basics… Voulez-vous coucher avec moi,” he’d definitely learned that from Lady Marmalade, not his expensive education.
vi. If your home was on fire and you could only save one item, what would you choose?
“The drugs- Kidding!” he’s aware that he’s yet to answer one question sincerely. “For all my beautiful fans out there, please know that I would NEVER participate in the massive consumption of cocaine, but I didn’t say anything about ecstasy.” Rabastan pauses long enough to make them feel uncomfortable, visibly revelling in the awkward silence. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I’m joking, again. I don’t know what I’d save, I could easily replace anything. So maybe my wallet.”
vii. Which Hogwarts University faculty did you study at? The Gryffindor School of Applied Science, the Ravenclaw School of Humanities, the Slytherin School of Social Science, or the Hufflepuff School of Art?
His lips are pressed together in contemplation, finally a question that couldn’t be glossed over with humour or shocking statements. “The Slytherin School of Social Science,” as he answers, he gags to dramatise his disdain. “I wanted so badly to study Literature under the Ravenclaw School of Humanities, but daddy dearest was refusing to financially support me if I didn’t follow in the family’s footsteps. ‘No son of mine is walking around reading Bridget Jones’ Diary’” Whilst imitating his father’s hoarse voice, his expression changes to an unnatural dark grimace and wags his finger in the air. “-Great book, by the way. So that’s the story of how I became a Business graduate and the bottom of the class.” A nostalgic sigh pronounces itself from his lungs as he stares dreamily into the distance, “oh the glory days.”
vix. What is your social media username?
“@RabastanLestrangeMusic, that’s the one I’m meant to plug anyway, or my publicist will have me by the throat- little does she know, I’d enjoy that,” he glances over his shoulder to see if his manager is watching before looking back to them with a delighted grin, “I do have this lesser known Instagram account, @Rab_a_stan, it’s got a couple of thousand followers, I started it last week and I put really weird unfiltered shit on there- wait can I swear during this interview? I never asked, fuck.”
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loveraids · 6 years
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advice for incoming freshmen
hey guys! here’s a list of some tips i made for incoming freshmen. i thought i’d share some advice/knowledge i’ve accumulated over the years too. everything’s under the cut. if you have any questions/concerns, feel free to message me! ☀️ (tw: long post)
1. one of the biggest fears many people have entering high school is not making friends. however, there are MANY opportunities where you can make friends! besides being friendly with who you sit with in class, try joining a sport, club, extra curricular, etc. i’m not saying making friends is the easiest thing in the world- i still struggle with it today. but don’t put yourself down if you’re not immediately friends with everyone in the school in the first week- it’ll take some time to develop. remember that everyone else is just as scared as you are, and they aren’t gonna come out of their shells until you do as well.
2. depending on your school, they may start throwing college shit at u on day one (although unlikely). no matter what, don’t stress right now!! the college process really doesn’t begin until the weeks leading up to the summer of junior year. you have time!! it’s ok to not know what you want to do. college has an “undecided” major for a reason.
3. V O L U N T E E R. i cannot stress this enough. it has soso many benefits and freshman year will most likely be the most time-free year you have. find a position at your local zoo, library, camp, hospital, etc. it’s a great resume booster and can aid you in the college application process (additionally, if you have an honors society that requires volunteer hours, you’ll need them anyways). also, you get to help people !
4. freshman year is going to teach you what real high school work is. you may struggle, and it’s ok! i was one of the “bright” kids that had their grades drop once i entered high school, and yeah, it did a lot to my self esteem. but throughout the years i picked myself up- i embraced help from my peers/teachers, i figured out what method of studying works best (pro tip: studying for math? look over the basic rules and do thousands of practice problems. science that isn’t math based? quizlet and khan academy. history? quizlet.), i learned that it’s OK to get a grade under a 90/A-. it’s going to seem tough at first, but just remember that you’re adjusting to a completely new environment and work ethic. you will get through it!! please shoot me an ask if you ever need help i’ll always answer. (edit: also do ur homework!!! it could be the difference between a B+ and an A-.)
5. imagine the crustiest person in your grade right now. now imagine them trying to hit on a kid that’s four years younger than you. gross, right? that’s exactly what a senior hitting on a freshman is like!! do not do that shit!!! there is NO reason why a senior should be trying to hook up with you when they’re 17-18 and you’re 14-15. that shit is NASTY. do NOT date seniors (even juniors are sketchy).
6. high school is where you will probably encounter alcohol/drugs/sex/etc at some point. do not be pressured!! if you don’t wanna smoke or drink then don’t do it (if you’re with the type of people who pressure, you better run). ive personally never had an experience where i was pressured, and people were usually respectful, but i can’t speak the same for everyone else. wanna get fucked up and party with your friends? be careful! i’m not promoting underage drinking but lets be honest a lot of kids do it. no sense in trying to pretend like that isn’t the real world. if you’re invited to some party by someone you KNOW has a bad rep, then don’t go!! you’ll have more opportunities.
7. if you’re worried about SATs/college admissions exams, you have a year. kids in my school are kinda crazy and were studying freshman year which made NO sense to me. end of sophomore year/beginning of junior year is usually adequate (plus- the main rule with SATs/ACTs is that you should take the test NO MORE than three times- that’s three chances!! i personally did well on my SAT, so if u have any questions feel free to ask me.
8. back to the point of pressure - if you’re going to a gifted and talented program/school, you will most likely feel academic pressure. with so many bright and smart peers, your standards will end up being much higher than the general population. i’m speaking from experience.
9. student government is usually a popularity contest. if you don’t win, don’t beat yourself up. if you do, congrats!
10. take pictures! save holiday cards! make memories!! i sincerely regret not taking photos (with me in them!!) during my freshman and sophomore years. there are a lot of great memories that i didn’t record because i was too embarrassed to get in front of a camera. i’ve learned that i’d rather cringe at a photo i look bad in in the privacy of my own phone, rather than not have a picture at all.
11. start developing good studying habits right away. what motivated me was getting cute/colorful pens, highlighters, erasers, post-its, etc., and making my notes look really pretty. i have my own personal post-it collection now. if you find ways to make studying even remotely fun/interesting, it will be extremely beneficial in the long run. i remember the summer before my junior year, i was excited to go back literally because i wanted to use my new pens.
12. this is a future piece of advice, but i would say there’s a 99% chance that you will be friends with mostly different people by senior year. you might have a core few, or a bestie, but myself and many others know that there are people who we were best friends with freshman year that don’t say hi to us in the halls senior year.
13. listen, there are gonna be some snake ass bitches. there’s no avoiding it. just don’t pay attention to them!! they get off on thinking they’re better than you. the best way to no longer deal with someone you don’t like is to just not associate with them. i’m obviously over simplifying these situations, but its usually not that deep. if it’s to the point where it’s causing you a great amount of stress, then it may be something you need to talk to a guidance counselor about.
14. please. do. not. run. and scream. in. the. halls. who do u think u are?? it’s 8 AM i don’t want to hear your screeching voice as you run into 7 people!!!!!
15. the freshmen are usually the joke of the school. you’ll hear you guys referred to as gremlins in some way, shape, or form. just deal with it, you’ll understand when you’re no longer freshmen (unless someone’s being unnecessarily mean!!).
16. make friends with your teachers!!!!!!!!! stay after class to have a little conversation with them. email them after school. bring them gifts on major holidays. IT WILL PAY OFF. letters of recommendation? done! need a teacher to sign off on something? done! minorly messed up in class? they’ll let it go bc they like you! this will also probably result in an increase in your character/participation grades.
17. make a travel pack that you keep in your bag - a few small bills,  pads/tampons (for those who need), pen, pencil, bobby pins, nail file, hair elastic, gum/mints, small perfume, band-aids, charger, etc.
18. thrift books sells books for really cheap!! also, ALWAYS check other places before ordering from normal bookstores (i’m looking at u barnes & noble)- they’re most likely cheaper.
19. i’m not gonna be one of those people who is like “school is the best!! it can be great for anyone if you just try!!” bc that shit aint true. it might suck ass for some of you. just know that high school isn’t your life. some people act like your life ends after high school. we’re 14-18 years old and still have so much to learn and see. if you set up a countdown to the end of high school your first day of freshman year, so be it.
20. your teachers are people too. they’re not there for you to use and abuse. they have families, problems, LIVES. they also have 3289472 students besides yourself, and assuming they should put you above the rest will only end up in disappointment.
21. social media is not all that matters. esp in this day and age, people will definitely be using snapchat and instagram (and hey! tumblr too). but don’t think you need social media to fit in. one of the most popular girls in my school literally made her instagram just the other day. to reiterate: it’s not that deep!!
22. you’re gonna change a lot (which is ok!!). freshman year i only wore hot topic and watched supernatural & doctor who. now, i just watch cooking vids and fawn over shawn mendes. it’s ok to change!! even just though freshman year you’ll change. i know i got like. super gay
23. if you find yourself having free time (or having study hall), do your homework!!! once you get home you’ll probably get distracted/lazy. what i used to do was go to my local library after school and get all my homework done so that i wouldn’t leave my school mindset and not wanna do anything. even if you don’t get everything done, you’ll thank yourself later.
24. there’s a difference between “forming your own opinion” on someone and completely ignoring their reputation/what your friends say. i can’t tell you how many people have gotten burned by the SAME guy in my school because none of them even kept in mind the warnings they had heard about him. it’s ok to give people a chance, but remember that most people’s reputations hold some truth (but not everyone!).
25. this seems pretty obvious but like. be nice. don’t talk mad shit about people you don’t know. rumors fly FAST in high school. what’s even worse is when they’re not true. fact check your shit if you ARE gonna gossip.
26. ok last point (for now). everything is gonna be new. there’s no getting around it. you WILL feel out of place. you’ll most likely be anxious. but everything will end up ok (cheesy, i know). the first week of high school is one the scariest weeks you’ll have in high school. things need time to settle. you’ll make friends, you’ll find things you like, you’ll be happy!! enter high school with a growth mindset. it may not seem like it, but your attitude WILL impact how things turn out.
overall, you guys will be fine. good luck to all of you !! if you have any questions or need advice on a specific thing, please feel free to send me an ask!! i’m always here. love u bbies
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redditnosleep · 6 years
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Life 2.0
by TobiasWade
I was 16 when I saw the first crack: a jagged line, about four feet long but less than an inch wide. I found it by the sidewalk behind my house. Not on the sidewalk. The crack was in the air, visible from every direction as I circled around it. Harmlessly suspended, and nothing more.
I couldn't touch it. My hands passed through as though it wasn't there, although my hand was white and numb with cold by the time it reached the other side. I wouldn't even walk close to it. Something about the emptiness just rubbed me the wrong way. I've walked around caves, stared down holes, even used a telescope to look at the space between stars - this wasn't like that. It felt less like something was missing and more like something extra that shouldn't be there.
My family moved shortly after-that, and I guess I forgot all about it for awhile. Time moved steadily forward, except maybe for a few months after college when it stopped to let me admire my future wife. She had the kind of smile that hinted at a secret, and if I had a guess, I'd say it was the secret to being happy. I would have given anything to explore every hidden crevice of her mind, knowing her as she knew herself until one day we could start making new secrets of our own.
It was about a week after we met at work when we both had to stay late to clean up after an office party. I asked her to come sit on the roof and look at the sky with me. There we were: side-by-side, the space between our hands burning like fire, the shape of her mouth illuminated with the backdrop of endless stars, gleaming like millions of envious eyes wishing they could sit where I was sitting now.
I didn't know anything could make me feel so weak. My legs were trembling, and I remember having to keep switching positions so she wouldn't notice. I didn't trust the words in my mouth or the thoughts in my brain, or any other part of me which was blurred out of existence to make room for my appreciation of everything that she was.
That's when I saw the crack again, and I was reminded how powerful weakness could be. It was larger now, running along the side of an external AC unit. Not quite alongside - if I really looked I could see the empty air between the metal box and the crack. I could just make out the little streaks of light where the surrounding stars bled their light into the hole to be lost forever: a cookie-cutter gap in reality that the world had forgotten to fill in.
"You can leave whenever you want," she'd said.
I guess she noticed that I was distracted. I shook my head, prompting her fingers to trace their way up my hand. I turned to her and her breath warmed against my mouth, and suddenly that was the only thing in the world. Six months and we were engaged, another year and we were married. Neither of us stayed long at that office, and I never went back up to that roof. The crack didn't matter. Bad dreams can't hurt you once you've woken up, and beside her grace, I was awake for the very first time.
Things went well for us, but we were so in love that I don't think we would have noticed if they hadn't. I got an investment banking job and climbed the corporate ladder. I started seeing more cracks, but no-one else seemed to notice so I didn't mention them either. Sometimes they'd align perfectly to an existing object, but I could feel their emptiness pulling at me and I knew what they really were. There was a big one above the conference table at work, but I had a future here and wouldn't let something like that get in the way of my success. My diligence paid off when my boss finally told me that he was getting older and wanted me as partner for the firm. He was standing right on the other side of the crack when he said it, so it was difficult to maintain eye contact with him.
"Unless that isn't something you want," he'd said, misreading my silence. "Of course you can leave whenever you want."
The same words, but I hadn't recognized the significance yet. I just smiled and shook his hand, careful to reach underneath the crack hanging between us. It was another dream come true, and I was king of the world. My wife and I moved into a big house and we had a baby girl together. I watched her grow, and watched the cracks grow with her. Hairline fractures splintered the sky and mapped their web throughout the air. I had to be careful where I was walking. There would be a dozen of them in my path within any given day.
I passed through a big one once in my car. I was changing lanes and didn't notice in time. The crack went straight through my windshield without disturbing the glass, passing through my heart and out the other side. Cold doesn't begin to describe it. The line erased my body as it passed through me, displacing skin and organs, leaving a sucking vacuous wound for the briefest instant before it was gone. I lurched at the wheel and spun off the road into the guard rail. My hands kept racing over my chest, fists pounding against solid skin to reassure myself that I was whole.
I started working from home after that. There's a bathroom that doesn't have any cracks in it, and I spend most of my time in there. I've seen my wife and daughter walk straight through them without the slightest notice. I can't explain to them what I see and feel because I know they'll think I'm crazy. And maybe I am, but that doesn't change anything. I'll sit in here for hours at a time, working on my laptop or reading a book, loathe to leave where I might stumble through what isn't there. My wife begged me to leave, and sometimes I'd open the door just to walk around the house or sit with her in the living room, but I couldn't go outside anymore. There were too many of them - more everyday it seemed like.
The world around me had shattered, and I was the only one to notice. I know it hurt her, but in time my wife accepted that this is how life was going to be. She made the best of it, always inviting friends or family here and making excuses when I was expected somewhere. She took cooking classes and learned how to make all my favorite meals, even getting a small table and television installed in the bathroom I was confined in.
My daughter was a different story. Eight years old now, and no amount of explaining could make her understand how much I loved her, even if I wasn't always there. I didn't know how embarrassed she was of me until a teacher called to let me know she'd been telling all her friends that I was dead. I made an effort to sit with her in the kitchen to ask why she'd do that, but all she'd said is that "I might as well be."
And she was right.
I wasn't taking care of my family anymore. They had enough money put away that they didn't need me to work. I was just a burden, and just like the cracks, I was growing bigger everyday. Some nights I wouldn't leave the bathroom to go to bed, and I could hear my wife crying through the wall between us. I tried pushing myself harder, willing myself through the emptiness - it wasn't any good. They cut through me like a knife, froze me to my core, shredding bone and sinew and stitching me back together so seamlessly that there was nothing but the memory of that pain to remind me of my torment.
I was ready for this to be over. I just didn't know it until I heard the words out of my daughter's mouth as she pressed against the other side of the bathroom door.
"You can leave whenever you want."
"Yes," I told her. "I'm ready."
"All you've got to do is throw yourself into a big one," she said. "You'll be out."
She knew about them? I jumped up and flung open the door. She wasn't there. I raced down the hall, shouting her name, forcing myself through each searing darkness that severed my mind and body, heart and soul. There she was, standing outside next to the biggest abyss I had ever seen. A wall of darkness, ten feet across and ripping through the air above like a skyscraper. I could feel the call of that emptiness, whispering to me, beckoning me, a promise of freedom and release that a lifetime of memories could not dissuade.
"Just do it already. You've been here long enough," she said.
But I was afraid. Even this far away from the blackness, I could remember how those dark talons would feel as they rend my body. Would there be anything left of me to come out the other side? It was big enough that I didn't have to come out at all. I could step in and be gone. It's what my daughter wanted. So did my wife, if only she had the courage to admit it. And maybe it's what I wanted to, but on my knees before all of creation and its antithesis, I was afraid.
"It's easy. Just follow me." I tried to stop her. Air dragging through my lungs, feet stumbling and twisting beneath me, lunging desperate grab - I tried to stop her from entering that blackness. But she was gone, and there was no choice but to follow. Into the looming void I plunged, screaming without sound, bleeding without wounds - disintegrating into nothing -
And then I opened my eyes. I was reclining in a padded chair like they have at the dentist office. Three men were standing over me. A plethora of beeping machines, IV lines, and heart-rate monitors cluttered the room to either side.
"Well?" one of the men asked. "How was it?"
"You were out for almost an hour."
I couldn't answer. There was nothing left of me to answer.
"We kept sending signals telling you it was okay to leave," another man said. "Didn't you get them?"
I closed my eyes and took a long breath. Life 2.0 still has some bugs, but they told me they figured out how to fix most of the cracks if I wanted to go again. It's going to be ready for the market soon, they said. People are going to love it, they said.
"Did you notice anything else that needs fixing?" they asked me.
"Just in this world," I replied.
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thinkingimmensely · 6 years
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Like an Open Book II
Part I | Part III | Part IV | Part V  | Part VI
A/N: Everyone! Thank you so much for the 308 follows! I wasn’t expecting to reach these many at all! And in such a short amount of time too! I’m absolutely thrilled that so many of you read and like my stories. So again, a huge thanks to all of you! Cheers! <3
This part is kind of short, but the next one would be somewhat longer if I don’t change my mind. He he. 
MASTERLIST
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the Potterverse!
So without further ado, here’s the next part! Enjoy!
"Lookit who we have here." You flinched as you felt an arm snake around your shoulders. You turned to see Sirius Black smirking at you, his gray eyes laced with mirth. "Little Y/N, off to spend the day protecting snakes again?"
You shoved away his arm and went back to your soup. "Leave her alone, Pads." A tired voice murmured from across the table. You looked up to see Remus Lupin take his seat and start pouring himself some coffee. "Good morning Y/N." He greeted as an afterthought and you nodded and offered him a small smile in reply.
Why are they even here? You purposely sat at the front end of the table near the teachers so other people wouldn't bother you since no one wanted to be in plain sight from the professors. Sirius nestled comfortably beside you and started filling his plate with food and you just noticed Peter Pettigrew grudgingly slip in next to Remus and immediately stuffed his mouth with bread. This was some kind of sick joke, right?
You looked over at the Slytherin table and saw Severus eyeing you in confusion but when he noticed you were looking at him too, he immediately turned away. You went back to your soup, finally consuming it and took a bite of your bread. As you were about to take a gulp out of your pumpkin juice, you noticed that Sirius and Peter were looking at you expectantly although they tried not to. You turned to look at Remus who was currently fixated on reading the Daily Prophet.
Just as the liquid touched your closed lips, James arrived noisily which took the trio's attention from you momentarily. You immediately got out your wand and switched the contents of your goblet with Sirius'. "Why are we even sitting here in the first place?" You heard James annoyingly ask as he shot you a glare. You rolled your eyes at him and drank Sirius' pumpkin juice and smirked behind the goblet.
"Why James, I thought you said you wanted to sit near Minnie today to show her how good of a student you are?" Sirius chimed and flashed him am excited grin. The wheels in James' head were finally turning and he grinned back and looked at you.
"Oh I forgot, good morning Y/N, you feeling alright?" He asked, his voice sickly coated in fake sweetness.
You forced out a smile at him. "Swell. The same can't be said for your friend though." You stated and nodded towards Sirius whose skin, after drinking from his own cup, was starting to turn into a neon shade of green.
"Bloody hell-" James uttered and quickly stood up from his seat to aid his friend. The other students soon took noticed of the commotion ensuing and began to laugh. Professor McGonagall jerked up from her seat, her face red in anger.
"Next time you try to prank me, I suggest something a little more unexpected." You hissed and slipped off from the bench and left the Great Hall just as McGonagall arrived and started reprimanding the boys.
"Y/N!"
You turned around and saw Severus running towards you. "Did you do that?" He asked as he tried to catch his breath.
You frowned at him. "Of course I didn't. Their plan just backfired is all." It didn't seem as if he was listening though since a venomous smile made its way through his thin lips as if he was glad that you were getting back at the Marauders. There were times when you didn't need to to use Legillimency to know what Severus was thinking or feeling anymore and you brought it to yourself to try and sway him away from falling too far as best as you could. "Sev, they're not bad people."
He shot you a perplexed look immediately. "What do you mean they aren't?!" He yelled at you and you flinched at the hate that laced his words. "You know fully well what they did to me!"
"I know! But-" The doors to the Great Hall slammed open as students began to exit. Severus huffed and walked away to go to his first class. You frowned and turned away.
"Had a fight with your boyfriend?" James inquired as he wrapped an arm around you.
You slipped away from him immediately. "Please stop talking to me." You told him and started walking faster, that didn't deter James though as he matched your speed and walked beside you.
"Tell me, when did you and Snivellus become so close? Last I noticed, you didn't really talk to anyone."
You rolled your eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning alone and quickly entered the classroom and sat on the first seat you saw. James smirked at you and shot a wink at the person beside you and went to sit beside Remus.
"Obnoxious isn't he?"
You looked at your seat mate and realized that it was Lily Evans. The redhead glared at James but gave you a smile when she turned to look at you. "This is the first time we've ever talked for the entire five years we've been in the same house and share the same dorm, right?"
You bowed your head in shame. "R-right. Sorry."
Lily shrugged, "It's fine. I should say sorry as well, I never really approached you first either." But with that said, the both of you didn't share another word with each other throughout class. It wasn't only after the professor dismissed you that Lily flashed you a kind smile and gathered her stuff, "I'll see you at dinner then, Y/N."
You meekly nodded at her and she left to get to her next class. When you got up to leave, you saw James still hanging around by the doorway. You frowned and decided to just slip past him. This entire thing was getting pretty exhausting and you needed the energy later for the rest of your classes.
Life, however, had different plans. Because as you tried to walk past the glasses-wearing Marauder, he in turn, grabbed your arm before you could escape. "Let go of me, Potter! Or Merlin forbid, I will hex you!"
James let go of you and raised his arms in front of him, "Woah, woah, calm your knickers down Y/L/N, I just wanted to ask what you and Lily were talking about. Did she mention how handsome I am?"
"Yeah? In which aspect?" You spat and began to walk away. He followed you and stepped into pace by your side.
"What I'm saying is, now that Snivellus is gone from her life, you can be her new best friend and help me out with her. Be my wingman-woman. Wingwoman!” He cleared his throat, “You two hit it pretty well earlier too."
"That's because we share a mutual dislike for you." You stopped walking and looked at him, he mimicked your actions and wore a lazy smirk on his arrogant face. You glared and looked straight into his eyes and noticed for the first time, what a pretty color they were. Bluish with a tint of brown, with specks of gold outlining his pupil. Pretty hazel eyes. You shook your mind away from your latest discovery and delved into the mind and memories of James Fleamont Potter.
If you didn't hate him before, then you did now.
James looked at you expectantly. Your face flushed with anger and envy, because here was someone who has never had any real problem in his life. Someone with loving parents, a wealthy family, good grades, great friends and no real enemy, maybe except Severus. His life was perfect and you felt utterly betrayed that someone like him even existed. Even the handsome Sirius Black had his fair share of downs in his life; and you wouldn't even want to get started on Remus.
No wonder he thought he was better than everybody else. This wasn't fair, but then, you reminded yourself for the umpteenth time, that life indeed wasn't fair.
You left him without a single word.
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carterashofficial · 6 years
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Thanks, Aearyn
@aearyn was so unbelievably kind to tag me for this 
rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (ahaha no i wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy this took forever)
— what was your last…
1. drink: water. from the fridge. there might’ve been a dog hair in it because Scout and Abbey show their love through shedding. I didn’t care.  2. phone call: my old internship asking why I never got my w-2 form 3. text message: a coupon from World Market, if that counts. If not, i texted myself a spoiler for the kotfe fic so i don’t forget 4. song you listened to: Champion by Carrie Underwood b/c i love it and I NEED THE POSITIVITY   5. time you cried: UH... writing the kotfe fic. But i wasn’t actually crying. it was more like “im tearing up at this one scene b/c its breaking my heart”. Actual crying? been... so long i can’t remember.
— have you ever…
6. dated someone twice: ahahahhahahahahahaha.... ahahahhaha..... ahahahhahahahaha despite my best intentions, i’ve never dated anyone. I’ve been trying to change that. I want romance in my life. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: That would imply i’ve had my first kiss, and im 22 years old and still haven’t had it. APHRODITE WHY AM I SINGLE. I’M READY TO MINGLE 8. been cheated on: see above. Can’t be cheated on if you’ve never HAD A DATE 9. lost someone special: i would rather not consider this question, but Domino, Jewel, and my Grandma (all were very, very sudden and hit me like a bag of bricks).  10. been depressed: ha ha ha apparently i’ve had depression since i was 15. I was officially diagnoses in January of 2017 and have been on medication since. ahahaha  11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no I can barely get drunk even when i try, let alone enough for a damn hangover. Seriously. I can drink like Carmadda and not get drunk.
— fave colours
12. soft eggshell green 13. the blue at the edge of the horizon 14. metallic  anything
— in the last year have you…
15. made new friends: ........yes? i think? 16. fallen out of love: ahahahahaha no b/c i’ve never been in love (in the romantic sense and that’s how im taking this) 17. laughed until you cried: always 18. found out someone was talking about you: in the worst of ways 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: oooooh yes 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: never been kisses
— general
22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all? how else do people find you on there? 23. do you have any pets: many. Scout, Abbey, the neon tetras (named the Heralds of Zildrog), my various shrimp, and Corypheus and Valkorian the golden inca snails  24. do you want to change your name: no, but i used to 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went bowling 26. what time did you wake up today: i woke up 3 times, once to Bug getting ready for school, then my mom asking if i opened the vitamins, then... i think 9 was when i finally crawled out 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: playing swtor or looking up some fresh and funky memes 28. what is something you can’t wait for: finished the next kotfe fic chapter and breaking everyone’s hearts. Or the next major expansion of SWTOR. I NEED ANOTHER CINEMATIC TRAILER LIKE GODDAMN 30. what are you listening to right now: nothing my house is silent and in the far, far distance, sometimes i can hear cars on the toll road 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i have an uncle named Tom. I have spoken with him. So Yes. 32. something that’s getting on your nerves: socialization. I can only take so much around others. If I was a Sim i’d have the lonely trait. 33. most visited website: Tumblr or my school’s student login page 34. hair colour: blonde/brown im really smack in-between and i just dye it lighter to make it blonde enough for me to be blonde 35. long or short hair: long. so long. down to my butt long                                   36. do you have a crush on someone: not sure. i like him, he’s funny and thinks im funny, and teases me back, but im shit at reading signs and far too much a coward to ask him out. I’m not sure. I had a major crush in high school that resulted in me falling in love with a guy but we never offically dated and then he crushed my heart. Long story. So i try to avoid crushes lest i break my heart again. 37. what do you like about yourself: bitch im fabulous 38. want any piercings: i got 3 in the lobes of each ear and cartilage in the left. If i get any more I think my mom would have a heart attack 39. blood type: ??????? no idea. I know my sister is O 40. nicknames: Milky (only drank milk as a kid, but this nickname has sorta phased away). Other nicknames give away my real name. But I do respond to my sister’s name. 41. relationship status: single and ready to flamingle 42. sign: Aquarius 43. pronouns: she/her 44. fave tv show: i literally can’t pick one b/c ive watched nearly every cop show on Netflix, including some that aren’t in english. All the cooking competitions i can find on Netflix and youtube, and im running out of TV to watch when i do art. Halp. 45. tattoos: Zero because my fatal fear is needles. 46. right or left handed: Left. left left left seriously i can.... maybe dip a french fry in ketchup with my right but that’s it 47: ever had surgery: wisdom teeth removed count? 48. piercings: 7 total in the ears and nothing else. 49. sport: I watch baseball and hockey (SPEAKING OF WHICH, GO DUCKS!). Used to play softball and some soccer. 50. vacation: if i can graduate a quarter early I want to go visit my family in florida and michigan 51. trainers: is... this british for shoes? i wear berkenstocks. only berkenstocks. because crocs are so comfortable but people judge. I also have hella wide feet where ever ‘wide’ shoes are too narrow. I can get by in Vans or my old old Nikes that i hardly ever wear
— more general
52. eating: whether or not if ketchup should go on it, ketchup is going on it. Unless if it’s breakfast food or desert. Breakfast food is my favorite and i could happily live off it it. 53. drinking: water, tea, juice, milk, Mike’s black cherry hard lemonade, monster energy drinks, RC Cola.... i drink a variety of things. Mostly water and tea. 54. i’m about to watch: i dont know I’VE RAN OUT OF THINGS TO WATCH ON NETFLIX 55. waiting for: myself to go out on a date and/or meet The Guy 56. want: many things. 57. get married: One day. 58. career: ssssssssttttttttttuuuuuuuuuudddddddeeeeeeennnnnnntttttttt
— which is better
59. hugs or kisses: i want both but maybe not from the same people. 60. lips or eyes: depends what each are doing tbh 61. shorter or taller: taller b/c im short and can’t reach the top shelf 62. older or younger: older but at this point im 22 and a lot of my classmates are 21 so like.... my generation. 63. nice arms or stomach: arms 64. hookup or relationships: relationships 65. troublemaker or hesitant: depends. like really depends. I’ll probalby go with troublemaker b/c they tend to be funny and on-the-spot and im a planner.
— have you ever
66. kissed a stranger: never kissed anyone..... ha ha ha 67. drank hard liquor: so yes. 68. turned someone down: ahahahhahahahaahaha haha ha. Actually yes I got asked to homecoming my senior year by this one dude who still gives me the creeps jsut tihnking about him. I politely said no. 69. sex on first date: never been on a date, never kissed anyone. Never ‘done the deed’. Would not do on the first date. 70: broken someone’s heart: uh my mom’s when I told her I had Depression and wanted to kill myself all throughout sophomore year highschool 71. had your heart broken: oh. Yes. 72. been arrested: no 73. cried when someone died: more like wailed loud enough that half the dorm floor heard 74. fallen for a friend: *side-eyes my sister* yeeees
— do you believe in
75. yourself: it varies over what. 76. miracles: I mean.... to an extent.  77. love at first sight: no 78. santa claus: I AM 22 YEARS OLD of course 79. angels: its complicated. my mom found a dead rat in our old house’s garage when i was 4-ish and all i remember crying for the dead rat when my dad tossed it in the garbage. My mom explained that an angel had already taken the rat’s soul to heaven. What did I picture the angel as? A carrot, wearing a tie, with mickey mouse-esque white gloves carrying a rat dramatically. This still haunts me.
— misc
80. eye colour: blue enough that you might drown in the ocean 81. best friend’s name: @athenascrown 82. favourite movie: if you think I can pick only one you’ve got another thing coming. but.... any star wars movie. If i had to pick one, Empire Strikes Back or Phantom Menace or The Last Jedi.... or Rogue One.... or Revenge of the Sith... 83. favourite actor: The guy who played the stormtrooper who hits his head on the door in Ep 4 84. favourite cartoon: the old Ducktales was a childhood favorite 85. favourite teacher’s name: I don’t want to put her name out here but she was my art teacher all through high school and she is one of the kindest souls ive ever met and if it wasn’t for her, i wouldn’t have gotten back into art
because this post took 5ever im not tagging anyone but if you want to do it, just say I tagged you and I’ll say i did
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james-tiernan · 4 years
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PLAINES PLOUGH. What were each of the monologues about?
CHRIS THORPE
A Monologue about someone who seems to be of a lower working class background. About the night where his friends put his balls in his mouth, to which he claimed it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t a conscious choice. HE didn’t put the balls in his mouth.His mates did whilst he was laying consciously unconscious. He talks about the night in detail, taking us through every room he visited, what he saw, smelt, felt etc. Its apparent from here that he was highly intoxicated on presumably mostly drugs in the way he described each and every thing but with some obvious confusion. He recalls feeling anger but not knowing if he attributed that emotion after he remembered the event. He remembers smiling but then in contrast to his apparent happiness he puts a 9 iron through his friends skull. An underlying anger control issue shines through when he talks about a teacher telling him he has “so much power but so little control” . A common phrase spoken to many children throughout their education as Ive seen and heard first hand. Usually spoken to boys who suffer at being at what some would call the bottom of the working class. Sometimes their frustration at life is classed as disorders, labelled. Sometimes correctly, sometimes this helps. But the frustration of being stuck with very little ways out always remains. Stuck with little opportunity, heading for a life of living for weekends, living for drugs, alcohol and the boys.
CHLOE MÖSS
Someone who struggles with anxiety, she has a mantra she says to herself that makes her comfortable that everything will be okay. She talks about the time she skipped school whilst telling everyone she was in fact going to the dentist.  She visits the beach and she remembers and panics over the quicksand she has heard about in one of her science classes.  She spends her time sitting at the beach when she is joined by a woman and her dog, she panics that she may be a serial killer and then is reminded of her grandma. Everything seems to cause her anxiety. They talk about the woman’s late son and how she blames Margret Thatcher on how he passed. They seem to find comfort in each other, maybe they don’t realise this too much to begin. The dogs ball ends up in the sand and Chloe goes to get the dogs ball, she gets scared as the sand becomes wet and like quicksand. She panics and rushes back to the woman and her dog. She suddenly realises she hasn’t been saying her mantra but she is ok with it. She finds comfort in the fact that world carried on as normal even though she didn't say her mantra. She ok with this, and gives her condolences to the woman about her son. Her focus has shifted away from herself as she sympathises with the woman. 
ZIA AHMED
Zia talks about how he has tried to fit in but he cant. HE feels like he cant because of his race. He is pulled down by racism in its simplest form. Straight abuse shouted on the street. He is profiled as a ‘terrorist’ he says he feels he has to apologise for honour killings, child grooming. Things that many far right groups say and preach (wrongly) that ALL muslims commit. He is reminded of this racism in media like film, he talks of Indiana Jones and Bond Movies that show the villain as the non-white man whilst Indiana and Bond, the white men, save the day from the savage villain. He talks about his childhood, a memory of his friend getting stuck in a fence, a memory and child of any race could hold, this doesn't make him different. Sure it makes him individual, its his memory, but its a memory any one of us could have had, no matter our race, religion, or social background. He talks about past love experiences and how he thinks that the person he spent two years with left him as he wasn't white. ‘It wasn't right’ he says. Remembering their conversations. He says that he is from London not England. To him, London is its own country with a unique identity. Which it is, London is a mixing pot of culture, race, and religion. As a world capital it always has been and always will be. 
ALAN HARRIS
Alan talks of the first time he was arrested. He was drunk and stole a bicycle whilst on a night out in Caerphilly. Fuelled  by drugs and alcohol he was lost, skint and didn't know how to get home. He had the idea that walking was jus too much so he stole a bike from a garden. He is picked up and put into a cell for it. Here he talks about how he turned into a duck. When comparing his story of the duck to his own, the ducks life sounds so simple and so easy.  This person wants to fly away. Just like the duck does. He talks early of how in his his home town he was the first ti have a perm, he fitted in, he felt comfortable. As soon as he is in an unknown area, not more than 10 miles away, he is like a fish out of water, He wishes he could adapt as easily as the duck could, picking its patch of water and making it  his own, he wishes he could fly out of the valleys and settle wherever he wants. But he cant. Like Chris Thorpe’s monologue, the character is destined to stay in the cycle. Struggling to break out, however this character acts as though he is content with that, but maybe deep down, he is not. He is a bird with wings clipped by the system.
HANNAH SILVA
This monologue is about a man who has lost his memory. The start of the monologue there are lots of words, phrases that don’t seem to make sense. The parrot in the library, soldiers running past, she was a poet, he was a musician. These phrases all begin to come together towards the end in what appears to be a journal or diary of a man who has lost his mind. A blood clot is alluded too but there Is never a definite sign of the cause. The man’s daughter is speaking to start, trying to make sense of his jumbled mind. We as listeners are as confused as the man himself, various words and phrases repeated over and over that for some reason we are expected to understand. But we can’t. Very much like the man. We feel frustrated and want to know, and it does take a while before things start to unravel. The monologue is spoken by the daughter, but we listen through the ears of the father. Not quite understanding but slowly piecing things together to make sense,
MOMENTS/IMAGES. 
The first image that really struck me was in Chloe Möss’ monologue, when she talks about the quicksand being like icing. Being from a seaside community this simile/image struck a personal chord. Its a perfect and simple way for a reader is is not familiar with the image of quicksand to be able to imagine it. The contrast between the simile and what its describing also struck me. icing on a cake is a light, happy thought. Whilst quicksand is usually seen as dangerous and definitely negative. This contrast perfectly encapsulates Chloe’s characters fragile and confused mind state towards the world she lives in. 
Another moment that struck me was in Zia Ahmed’s monologue where he says 
“Where Im from, Bond looks like the bond villains but the villains look like bond”.
This small and simple sentence highlights the Hollywood industries hidden racist undertones that played throughout the 20th century and into the 21st too. The white man is always the hero, saving the day from the deranged, often ethnic villain. Zia also mentions Indiana Jones and the temple of doom when talking about the topic. In Middle eastern and Asian countries, the west is often seen as the villain. This has been established through constant wars on terror and various other factors. We as Britons, and myself as a white male, forget how my nation has been a burden on many countries. The films I grew up loving hide undertones of racism. Towards many races. The Siamese Cats in The Lady and The Tramp, Disneys anti-semitism, even the recent Star Wars franchise. 
Another image that struck me was the duck imagery in Alan Harris’ monologue. Alan describes actually seeing a duck and being able to touch it, whether this is true or not isn't said however, he is probably experiencing a psychedelic experience. He seems to be projecting his deeper emotions and thoughts onto that of a duck. He wants to be able to fly away from his valley and fit in wherever he chooses. He wants to meet other women outside his small town. However like I stated previously, his metaphorical wings are clipped by his social and economic surroundings. He’s a caged bird right now, literally. 
HOW WERE THE NATIONAL THEATRE SCOTLAND USING THE FRAME TO TELL A STORY? 
Both monologues talked about being trapped. One talking of how he tried to escape the Shipyard and the asbestos but he still has that cough he demonstrates. He talks about how they fought to stay also. Even when it was killing them, they fought for their jobs. They were proud of hat they did and no one could tell them otherwise. The second monologue however, was a lot more sombre and current. Talking about the COVID pandemic and how she felt trapped in a box, unable to get out. She talks of losing herself and not being the same person. The camera in Monologue one, does not move at all. it stays on his face at all times. This represents how although he tried to move away from his job, it stayed with him. With the second monologue, the camera moves around a lot, through one single room. This echoes the actresses feelings on how she wants to escape, but cant. She knows this too. 
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