#like hes. hes a weird character. but i can do whatever i want in fanfics and GOD is it therapeutic to make him a good person
Text
older
think i need someone older, just a little bit colder, take the weight off your shoulders
synopsis: all your friends say you're delusional for thinking you have a chance with jungkook, the handsome older man you've known since forever, but you just can't seem to let him go.
word count: 18k
pairing: older!jungkook x afab reader
genre: age gap au (seven years), social media au!!!, childhood acquaintance au, fluff, comedy, angsty, outta pocket, alludes to sexual innuendoes
warnings: character death (not jk or y/n), cursing, nudity,
author's note: i am so overwhelmed with the support i've gotten for this fic!! obviously this isn't going to be the best written fanfic, but i genuinely enjoyed writing it!! and yes, there will be a part 2!
PART 1 | PART 2
“Girl.. be for real. He doesn’t want you.” Beomgyu’s opinion bounces off your bedroom wall but shoots into your heart like an arrow; you subtly glare at him through your vanity mirror. Though, the Snorlax plush headband and unblended concealer in triangles under your eyes is far less than intimidating.
“Okay, fuck you-”
Beomgyu shrugs. “You can wear all the makeup in the world and you would never get his attention,” he nonchalantly utters, not caring enough to even look at you while he addresses you. You pout, sulking as Beomgyu’s very real assertion settles into your system.
Jeon Jungkook would never see you that way.
He adores you because you’ve been acquainted since childhood- your parents being close friends. He’s seven years older than you and has witnessed you blossom from a childish boy-crazy kid to an equally boy-crazy adult, the same way you’ve seen him go from a prepubescent pre teen to a hot, older, rich, man.
“Look, and that’s not to say that you’re not pretty or whatever because you are pretty and a lot of guys want you, but Jungkook… he’s just too old for you,” he offers you an empathetic smile before attempting to assuage the petulance in the air. “Honestly, I would be even more concerned if he responded to your advances because that would be.. hella weird.”
Beomgyu’s claims often transform your brain into a philosophical battlefield. Would it really be all that inappropriate for Jungkook to see you as a woman? An age gap of seven years holds no real significance if you were both in your 20’s, right? But does Jungkook knowing you since childhood completely nullify any chance you have with him?
“Oh fuck off with that. I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m already 19 years old, almost 20-”
“The delusion is never escaping this one…” Beomgyu mumbles. He finally looks up from his phone when you spring up from your chair and stomp over to him. You hold your manicured claw up to scratch his face, but Beomgyu grabs your wrist before you can do any damage.
“You’re such a horse girl, don’t try to scratch me- wait are you crying?” Beomgyu’s gaze melts after noticing the tears accumulating in your waterline.
“No!” you respond, the tip of your nose becoming slightly red. You raise your sleeve to wipe your nose.
“Wait Y/N! You’re going to get makeup all over my hoodie!-”
Beomgyu halts when he sees your unblended concealer transfer onto his very white and expensive hoodie. His lips form into a straight line while he stares at you blankly.
“Sorry?” you squeak. He gestures dramatically- blinking at you like a pissed off owl.
…
…
…
You bolt to the door, sprinting from Beomgyu before he quickly follows in pursuit of you. You run through the house, tumbling down the stairs frantically, and when you turn the corner, you stub your toe against the wall, stumbling over and falling flat on your face.
You shriek in pain, holding onto your toe. Your eyes immediately tear up, sobbing through the pain blistering in your toe. And for some reason, Beomgyu is nowhere to be found.
“Y/N? Are you okay?”
You freeze when none other than Jungkook pops out of his room, completely shirtless with nothing but gray sweats on. His abs are literally ripping in your face and his entire sleeve of beautiful tattoos are practically mocking you- especially the mask one. It's laughing in your face because it gets to be on Jungkook’s body and you don’t.
You begin to cry even harder. No physical pain would ever compare to the pain of not being able to have him.
“Whoa, whoa, what happened?” Jungkook kneels down and takes your foot in his large hands.
Thank God you got your toes done the day before. His thumbs press into the balls of your feet while he carefully inspects your toes. “Not fractured, I think. Think you can get up, baby?”
Baby. He’s been calling you that stupid nickname since forever. That’s what everybody used to call you when you were younger; you were the youngest of all your parents’ friends’ kids after all. But for some reason, the nickname only seemed to stick with Jungkook. He has this horrible tendency (not really) of doting on you, taking care of you, and spoiling you to oblivion.
You sniffle, shaking your head.
Jungkook’s handsome face crinkles into a subtle laughter, an amused expression etched onto his features. He takes his pointer finger and thumb, pinching your nostrils and wiping your snot onto his sweats.
You smile sheepishly, butterflies erupting in your stomach.
This man will literally touch your feet and boogers as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. That has to mean something, right?
Jungkook scoops you into his arms bridal style and takes you into his room.
Why Jungkook has a room in your house is beyond you. It seems like he was always over doing some errands for your parents- not that you were complaining, of course. He sets you down on his bed and uses his large palm to smooth over the frizzy hairs that are sticking up.
“Just stay here for a while. I’ll take you to Urgent Care if it hurts in a few hours.”
Truth be told, that shit didn’t even hurt anymore, but there’s no way you were going to pass this opportunity up. You nuzzle into Jungkook’s sheets, his masculine smell absolutely amplifying your will to live. His cologne smells so good, the musky elegance of his scent making you dizzy as you bask in his essence.
Anyways! Looks like you’re canceling your plans with Beomgyu. Apparently, he already knows that.
Shutting your phone off, your eyes drift towards Jungkook, owlishly blinking at the computer code projected onto his large monitor. He’s got everything going for him: rich, hot, smart, successful. You want to cry again. “Jungkook, can I ask you something?”
His focus remains on the screen, eyes still boring onto the monitor before he absentmindedly responds, “Sup?”
“What would you do if a bear, a lion, and a gorilla just walked into this room right now?”
Jungkook’s fingers pause, hovering above his light up keyboard. He swivels around in his chair, his handsome features crinkling in evident confusion.
“I’m serious. What would you do if a bear, a lion, and a gorilla showed up in your room? If you aren’t able to answer the question, then I don’t really know if I feel safe here,” you elaborate as you gesture with your hands, the bratty tone laced in your voice attempting to guilt trip him for not having a backup plan for this very specific specific situation.
“Easy. I would feed you to them and then escape,” Jungkook bites back a cheeky smile before spinning around and returning to his work.
You gasp dramatically, pouting before you pull his covers over your head.
Jungkook hums to himself, laughing at how obnoxious you can be.
Later on, another question is conjured in your imaginative little mind, and Jungkook’s lip twitches when he hears your classic Jungkook, I have another question.
“Hmmm?”
“Do you think you could put me on with your piercing guy?”
Jungkook swivels around in his chair once again. “Thought you already had your ears and belly pierced.”
“It’s not enough. I want more. Wanna be like you,” you murmur, eyes settling on his five piercings decorating his left lobe, the one in his eyebrow, and the two on his lips.
“It is enough,” he immediately counters, “You shouldn’t put holes in your body.”
You cock a brow at him. “I know you’re not talking.”
Jungkook’s lip twitches upwards at your cheekiness. “Yea, I’ll send you his instagram. Tell him you’re with me and he’ll squeeze you in as soon as possible.”
-
“And I told Soobin to not piss in the water bottle, but he did anyway. And guess what? I almost drank from the same water bottle. Can you believe that? I was so fucking pissed at him I almost threw his piss back on him…” Yeonjun can tangibly feel that you’re not all there, your eyes occasionally drifting off- so his eyes follow your train of vision until-
“Oh c’mon Y/N!” Yeonjun’s fingers release the grip on the gym equipment, causing the weights to thunderously slam back into place. You yelp, flinching a bit before you swat Yeonjun’s biceps.
“You scared me you bitch!”
“You scare me! And what the fuck are you wearing? What kind of basic bitch wears a pink set to the gym?”
You gasp dramatically. “You did not just say that.”
“And stop drooling over Jungkook! He doesn’t want you-mmmphh!” You clasp your palm over Yeonjun’s mouth mid-sentence, your boba eyes glaring up at him. You release your hand, pouting at him dramatically when you feel you’ve tortured him enough.
Hands on your hips, you continue glowering at him and he gladly reciprocates the scowl on your lips.
Yeonjun acquiesces from the glare-off almost immediately, too entirely soft to hold a grudge against his best friend. “Did you only agree to come to the gym with me to see Jungkook?” he asks, sincere disappointment laced in his words.
You immediately soften, disheartened to hear the crestfallenness in his tone. You shake your head at the notion. “No- I wouldn’t do that. I swear he’s here by coincidence,” you explain thoughtfully, “I’m sorry for being an inattentive friend. It wasn’t intentional. I just get distracted whenever I see him. I’m sorry.” Your eyes return to Yeonjun’s who smiles knowingly at you. He opens his arms, offering an embrace and you gladly accept, hugging all the problems away.
“You’re such a lovestruck girl,” Yeonjun teases.
“I can’t help it. He just looks so good. Look at his arms and his tattoos- oh Yeonjun, I’ll never get over him. What should I do?”
“We just have to kill him. That’s the only option left,” your eyes meet his, his empty gaze boring into your skull before you both burst into giggles.
“You’re right. That is the only option left.” You take a step back to stretch your arms, releasing the tension in your limbs until you sense a very familiar walking pattern approaching you.
“Hey Y/N,” Jungkook casually greets, creeping behind you to wrap a single arm around your shoulder. He pulls you closer to him from behind, nonchalantly nuzzling his forehead into the back of your head. You use both your hands to grip onto his thick forearm. “Um, hey Kook.”
Yeonjun bites back laughter, watching how you practically become hysterical at Jungkook’s casual gesture.
Jungkook uses his vacant hand to dap up Yeonjun- over your head. “What’s up Yeonjun?” Jungkook grins. Yeonjun reciprocates the friendly greeting. “Hey, how’ve you been? You looked great with the tricep presses.”
Jungkook beams at that. “Oh, you saw? I’ve been bulking so I’m trying to go super heavy with the weights.”
“I can tell. You look fucking enormous,” Yeonjun comments.
Jungkook immediately dismisses the compliment with a wave. “Don’t say that. You look good too…”
Tuning out of the interaction, your brain begins to malfunction when you realize that Jungkook is extremely familiar with all of your friends. You definitely aren’t the most social person, often opting to napping in your cozy bed instead of going into the harsh, unforgiving world, but you are lucky enough to have great friends like Yunjin, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, and Jungkook knows all of them. That had to be indicative of something deeper, right? Perhaps his underlying affection for you? Or a sign that he was possibly in love with you?
“What are you giggling about?” Jungkook teases, gently using his vacant hand to ruffle your hair.
You crimson intensely. “Nothing,” you sheepishly respond, skitterishly ducking under Jungkook’s arm to scurry behind Yeonjun, using your friend as a protective shield.
“What’s up with her?” Jungkook asks Yeonjun, to which Yeonjun feigns ignorance. “Not a clue.”
“Well then, I’m gonna head out. I’m actually staying at Y/N’s for a bit because her parents are out of town. Can you believe I still have to babysit her?” Jungkook says to Yeonjun, giving you a teasing glance.
“It’s just in case someone stalks me or tries to kill me! I don’t need to be babysat,” you emphasize, scowling at Jungkook and he can’t help but to reach out and pinch your cheek. The casual gesture sends you over the moon.
“Whatever you say. You need a ride home though? I can wait so Yeonjun doesn’t have to waste gas on you,” Jungkook suggests, eyes darting towards yours then Yeonjun’s to detect any traces of reticence or hesitation in his features.
You do the same, glancing towards Yeonjun who actually sports a look of indifference. You playfully link your arms with Yeonjun’s before sending Jungkook a downward smile. “It’s okay Kook. Wanna spend time with my friend today.”
A touched gasp leaves Yeonjun’s lips as he holds his hand over his heart, gesticulating dramatically to convey his surprise that you would choose him over the man you’ve been salivating over the past thirty minutes.
Jungkook has no protests about your preference. “Alright Y/N, see you at home. See you Yeonjun,” he gives you a little squeeze before he departs.
Yeonjun waits until Jungkook is out of ear shot to provoke you, mocking you in an obnoxious, high pitched voice, “I don’t need to be babysat! You’re such a baby- but thank you for choosing me, you know.”
You tilt your head, eyebrows pinching before you subtly frown at Yeonjun’s comment. “Of course I would choose you. You’re my friend.” You say it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world- because it kinda is. Bros over hoes any day.
Yeonjun’s lips quirk up at the sentiment, “Oh how touching, thank you so much for gracing me with your presence, my queen.”
-
Jungkook thinks you can be such a princess sometimes, especially when you drag your feet back into the house, a sour expression consuming your pretty features. Particularly receptive to your emotional fluctuations, he doesn’t hesitate to ask you what’s up.
He leans against the kitchen counter, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows as his eyes settle on your moping figure. “Who made you sad? Bring them to me right now,” he muses.
You pause, letting your light green gym bag (with little Snorlax’s decorated all over it) fall to the floor with a thud before gazing at him with a vacuous expression. “Why are you dressed up?” you point towards his work attire- a simple white button up and slacks. The buttons on his dress shirt are undone and messy, giving you access to his chest and it makes you want to roll around on the floor and cry. His slacks are tight- accentuating his long, muscular legs and you decide that you’d be okay with dying only if you were suffocated between his thighs.
“Had a work call,” he responds, indifference laced in his voice, “Now who made you sad? Want oppa to handle it for you?” he teases, releasing a breathless laugh at the way your nose scrunches up in disgust.
Nonetheless, you spill everything to Jungkook- because you always spill everything to Jungkook and because you trust him with everything in you. He makes you feel safe. Plopping yourself down on the seat by the dining counter, you wordlessly slide your phone across the counter. Jungkook effortlessly stops your phone with a single hand, his eyes scanning across the array of text messages popping up on the screen.
“Not this guy again,” he mutters under his breath, gauging the situation.
“I know!” you concede, “Wish he would leave me alone- but I feel like I have to respond.”
The text messages were from none other than your ex-boyfriend, telling you how much he misses you, how he’ll do better for you, and every other generic I want you back text in the book.
There are various reasons why you feel obligated to respond to him: (a) the whole breakup was a mess and (b) it was your fault. You were in a long-term, committed relationship with your high school sweetheart until you recognized your exponentially growing feelings for Jungkook. The guilt of breaking your ex’s heart haunts you- his crying, tear-stained face often popping up in your mind when you feel shitty, making you feel even shittier. Though you were no longer emotionally tied to him you do feel obligated to give him closure, or at the very least respond to his text messages.
But you’ve had this conversation with your ex numerous times. How much closure does one need in order to move on?
“You don’t have to respond to him,” Jungkook’s sonorous voice pulls you from the thoughts plaguing your mind. “You’ve already told him how you feel,” Jungkook is the rational force in your life, always tugging you towards the right direction, especially when your susceptible mind feels the need to please everyone and everything.
“I know,” you sigh, “I just feel bad. He was my first kiss, first boyfriend. It feels like I just abandoned him.”
A look of contemplation blankets Jungkook’s handsome face, evident by the way his fingers trace over his chin and lips. “That’s true,” he eventually asserts, “but no one as young as you should stay in a relationship out of obligation.” He approaches you and settles himself down on the vacant seat beside you. “Actually Y/N, I’m proud of you for building up the courage to let him go. It would be more painful if you forced yourself to stay.”
You purse your lips and nod, allowing yourself to enjoy the sensation of Jungkook comfortingly rubbing your back. “t’s just sad. I used to love him.”
“I know Y/N, but sometimes you just have to start living in the present instead of the past. If you respond you’re just going to give him false hope. Just let it be,” he articulates, using prudence to assuage you.
You nod, craning your head to sustain eye contact with him, making the conversation feel all the more intimate and personal, “How would you feel if you were him? I mean- if your girlfriend broke up with you and you were still like- in love- with her?”
He tilts his head, thoroughly contemplating the question because he takes your feelings seriously, and he wants to give you the right answers. “If my girlfriend loses feelings then she loses feelings, there’s nothing I can do about it. I definitely wouldn’t beg for her back, I’d go out and make a lot of money instead,” he smiles, “But I wouldn’t know how it feels. I’ve never been dumped before,” he adds.
“Seriously?” you interject, not believing that Jungkook has never been dumped in his 26 years of living. “What about that one girl you brought to Thanksgiving Dinner a few years ago? What happened to her?”
“Ahh her?” he somewhat grimaces at the thought of his ex-girlfriend, “She was getting a little too suffocating so I let her go. She was really pissed off- tried to key my car and shit,” he states.
You gasp. His ex-girlfriend was so sweet to you- she even bought you a Snorlax plush keychain. But you can imagine Jungkook trying to hold her back while she jostles out of his grip, trying to key his car- his baby. “No way? If she ever comes back, just let me know. I’ll throw hands for you,” you enunciate, showing him your fists to which Jungkook just scoffs in amusement.
“Yea, I’ll definitely call you,” he remarks sarcastically before getting up, “So are you good, baby?” he asks, casually resting his hand on your shoulder, and you nod.
“‘M good. I’m not gonna respond to him.”
Jungkook’s lips quirk up at that. “Good.”
-
Jungkook is livid. You can tell by the way he spam calls you even after you repeatedly reject his calls. You quietly sneak out of the lecture hall and answer his call once you’ve reached the hallway.
“What? I’m in class,” you impatiently mutter.
“You’re fucking kidding, aren’t you?” he scoffs through the phone, “I canceled your appointment, by the way.”
The color drains from your face once you realize what this is about. “He told you?”
“You’re out of your fucking mind if you thought you could go through me to get your nipples pierced! I can’t believe you thought I would let you do that!”
“Why? What’s wrong with it?” you whisper shout into his phone, “I’m an adult, I can do whatever I want!”
“No you’re not. Baby, you can’t even drink,” he reiterates, a little more calmly this time.
“Who cares? You’re not my mom! I can do whatever I want. Even if it’s through someone else!” you bark back. The silence that ensues intimidates you.
“Baby.” His voice is low, and it’s kinda hot but you don’t pay attention to it because of how angry you are at him trying to monopolize your actions.
“I’m not a fucking baby anymore so stop calling me that!”
“You’re not a baby?” Jungkook laughs lowly into the phone, as if the claim itself is ridiculous.
“‘m not.” He can practically hear your pout through the phone.
“You can’t even get on a plane by yourself.”
You gasp at Jungkook’s low blow. That was one time. A month ago, you took a flight to Vegas for EDC to meet up with Yunjin, who flew out the day before you. But you had no clue how to check your bag in, and were far too intimidated to go through the security check by yourself. What if they thought your ID was fake? Or worse what if they sent you to jail? There was just no way you could go through by yourself.
You remember the way Jungkook shook his head at your preposterous notions but nonetheless still agreed to take care of you.
So Jungkook drove you to the airport, carried your bag for you, weighed it, and checked it in. He also stood with you for the entire thirty minute wait at security and only left the airport when called and told him you were waiting at the departure gate.
You don’t respond, and he takes it as an opportunity to further his point.
“That’s what I thought. End of story. You’re not getting it done.”
He hangs up and you blissfully sigh. This literally takes feminism back 32904098 years, but you kind of love a man that can put you in your place.
-
Jungkook goes to the gym everyday solely so he can beat the shit out of Taehyung and Mingyu, who get off on tormenting him for his extremely complex and profound feelings for you.
Hooking up to the bluetooth speaker and blaring the sound of police sirens, going “Ayo! He’s right here, officer!” every time they walk past a policeman- they even go as far as putting handcuffs on him while he sleeps- hooting and howling in laughter when Jungkook wakes with his hands restrained.
Initially, it made his intestines twist and turn with pure guilt, guilt about harboring feelings for you, the little girl who used to prance around his room and do cartwheels in futile attempts to impress him.
His friends make him feel like shit, but they’re his friends for a reason.
“Hey, so how’s Y/N?” Mingyu casually asks, sinking into the welcoming leather of Jungkook’s sleek, black sofa. He props his feet up on Jungkook’s coffee table- mahogany brown and custom designed to suit Jungkook’s meticulous and elegant taste.
Jungkook narrows his eyes at the nonchalance of the comment, half expecting Taehyung to pop out of nowhere in policeman cosplay, ready to put him in cuffs. “Why’re you asking?”
When Mingyu detects the hostility blanketing Jungkook’s features, his jaw drops in realization of the reality of the situation. “Wait.. you don’t take us seriously when we tease you about that shit, right?”
Jungkook cocks his head in confusion, settling beside Mingyu, chopsticks in hand as he blows on his ramen. “I mean, kinda. I feel guilty about it.”
Mingyu eyes his friend for a while, and Jungkook slowly turns his head towards Mingyu when he feels lasers boring holes into his skull. “What, asshole?”
“Ah, sorry man. I didn’t know it bothered you. I kind of thought it was a given that you and Y/N are cute together. Didn’t know the age gap bothered you.”
Oh.
Jungkook pauses, setting his sizzling ramen back into the plastic container instead of into his mouth, and Mingyu feels the need to further elaborate.
“I mean, you’re always helping her out, taking care of her, that’s pretty cute.”
Jungkook blinks at Mingyu, raking his tattooed hand through his hair. “Doesn’t that just make me look like a dumbass?” he mutters, before letting out a bitter, light-hearted laughter at the reality of his assertion.
His emotions for you run deep and intricate, but one thing remains unequivocally clear: he doesn't do these things because he expects something in return. That would be selfish. Obligation doesn't factor into his decisions either. Jungkook doesn't subscribe to such motivations when it comes to his personal life. He views it as unnecessary and cumbersome—except when it involves you. Whether it's looking after you, lending you money, helping you with homework, or driving you to the airport, he does it all because he genuinely loves you.
He acknowledges the peculiarity of his natural inclination to care for you. In the past, he's ended numerous relationships due to girls he found excessively clingy, suffocating, or overbearing, all attributes he easily uses to describe you- but he lives for that shit when it comes to you.
Mingyu’s forehead wrinkles in confusion. “What? That girl loves you, Jungkook. If she does good in school and gets rich, you’d be bathing in that shit,” Mingyu jokes, causing Jungkook to sputter out laughter at the absurd thought.
“Right now though?” Mingyu continues, “She wouldn’t be able to change your tire or some shit, but she brings you this sense of peace, and that’s something every guy needs in his girl.”
Jungkook pauses at that.
-
Jungkook is abruptly awoken by the blaring sound of his ringtone. Groggily, he reaches for his phone on the nightstand, eyes barely open.
You, the only person that would call him at 3 in the morning, and you the only person he would answer at 3 in the morning.
Babysitting is the last word he would use to explain why he’s at your house right now. He’s at your house because, well, he would do anything for you, even if you aren’t aware of the lengths he would go to keep you satiated and happy.
He’s aware that men find you charming for your ditzy and oblivious nature, but Jungkook likes you regardless of whether or not you possess such an arbitrary trait. But it is true that there are a lot of things you aren’t aware of, like how utterly lovely you are. Jungkook knows you- sees how oblivious you are to the men who shamelessly ogle at you, or the boys who practically break their necks to get a glimpse at you.
You have this resonating effect on him. You drive him crazy and you don’t even know it.
Initially, Jungkook had never truly focused his attention on you, yet as time passed, an irresistible attraction began to pull him toward you. He vividly recalls an incident in particular that left him dumbfounded.
Jungkook’s mom visited yours to drop off some vegetable. Gifting fruits and vegetables from their gardens are the way the aunties demonstrate their love and appreciation for one another. Jungkook reckons you didn’t know he was there because you pranced down the stairs with the tiniest boy shorts and camisole top. Jungkook isn’t the type of man to become disoriented over the sight of a woman’s body, practically desensitized from all the women he’s been with, but he stiffens at your presence.
“Wow baby!” His mother giggles, using your classic nickname as she ogles you shamelessly, “You’re getting really sexy!”
She playfully nudges your mom, “Are you ready to have grandchildren?” The joke makes your mother roll her eyes, though a smile lingers on her lips, infinitely proud of her beautiful daughter.
“I wish someone would marry my daughter!” Your mom jests, “All she ever does is sleep! I just wish a man would even look her way!”
Jungkook’s eyebrows pinch in bewilderment. He knew your mother was only joking, teasing you as per usual- because clearly, you are captivatingly gorgeous. You make a sly comment in return to make his mom giggle, always so smooth and sociable with the old ladies.
Suddenly, you randomly swivel around, yelping at Jungkook’s presence. “Oh hey,” you greet, fidgeting in place, “I didn’t know you were here. Sorry- I should cover up a little.”
For the first time in his life Jungkook is speechless in front of you. You. You just look so pretty standing in front of him, your manicured fingers twirling a single strand of hair, gazing at him and gnawing your lips like he makes you nervous when in reality you make him tremble with just one look. It makes his chest tighten and he inhales deeply to compose himself.
“No. Not at all, you should be comfortable in your own home,” the smile he offers you is forced, polite, and you’re bewildered at the tension accumulating between you and him. Your eyes glint downward; you can’t even look at him, and suddenly a bold wave of impulsivity washes over you.
“Hey Jungkook, can we talk in the other room?”
Jungkook’s eyes flash towards his mother’s then rapidly back at you. Subconsciously, his eyes trace down your body and he feels like has to physically gouge his eyes out to prevent himself from looking.
“Yea, sure.”
He follows you upstairs into the guest room, taking extreme measures to keep his pupils focused on the ceiling lights above your head. However, his efforts work against him because the ceiling lights shine on you like a spotlight, illuminating your gorgeous figure as you make your way up the stairs.
Your fingers wrap around his forearm and you pull him into the room.
You waste no time getting straight to the point.“Jungkook, I think I’m pregnant.”
Jungkook blinks, processing what you just said. “Huh?”
You bite your lip anxiously, crossing your arms while you look down at your toes. “My period is late, and I don’t know what to do- you’re the only person I trust to talk about this.”
Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to confirm the sentiment. “You can trust me with anything. I’ll always take care of you- ‘m just a little shocked because I thought you were still a virgin.”
Gasping dramatically, you pout at him and stomp your foot. “I’m not a little kid anymore.”
Yea, clearly not, he thinks. “Just act normal. After I drop my mom off at home I’ll come back with a pregnancy test.”
You nod and give him a downward smile. “Thanks- ‘m just really nervous and I hope I’m not pregnant because I don’t even remember who the dad is and-“
Jungkook frowns at that, perturbation morphing onto his features. “Y/N, you don’t remember who the dad is? Please don’t do that- only sleep with people you trust. Please.”
“I trust you.”
The words tumble from your lips immediately, before you can even process your thoughts. You clasp your hand over your mouth, a small gasp leaving your lips as you gaze up at him in pure horror.
Jungkook doesn’t know what to think- doesn’t even know if that was just a fragment of his imagination. He blinks at you, brain too fused to even conjure a proper response.
“Wait- I didn’t mean it like that!” you blurt out. At that moment, you give up on any attempt to salvage the situation and scurry out of the room, stumbling back down the stairs.
Jungkook runs his hands over his face.
He’s going to hell for the thoughts running through his mind.
Thank God you weren’t pregnant but after that night Jungkook just never looked at you as just a family friend. It’s complicated . It’s morally conflicting, and it frustrates Jungkook like nothing else.
“Hello?” he speaks into the phone
“I bled on my bed,” you sniffle into the phone, “Just please come upstairs,” you say before abruptly hanging up.
He begrudgingly rises from his bed. Though tired, he doesn’t hesitate to throw his black t-shirt over his head to look presentable for when he checks up on you. Rubbing at his eyes with his knuckles, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his black sweats as he makes his way up the stairs. He gently opens the door to see you sitting idly under your covers, clinging onto your Snorlax plushie for dear life. You’re wearing
He sits on the edge of your bed. “You ran out of pads?”
You don’t say anything, remaining stiff like an ice sculpture, not melting under Jungkook’s warm touch like you usually do.
He nods at you and gently tugs on your oversized T-shirt, urging you to get up as he sticks out his hand. “Change the sheets and I’ll go out and buy you some pads-“
“Jungkook, I'm in love with you.”
Abrupt.
Impulsive.
Messy.
But you feel like you just have to say it. With a radiant glow on your rosy cheeks, you purse your lips in a demure manner, physically unable to look at him. You have to look at Snorlax to get your words out instead.
You inhale deeply. “I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry if it creeps you out but I’ve always had feelings for you- and I hate you for it because I don’t think I’ll ever have the capacity to love anyone else like I love you.” With glossy eyes you finally peer at him just to see an entirely indecipherable expression- you’re not sure if it conveys shock, bewilderment, or horror but it evokes the most unsettling and humiliating sensation in the pit of your stomach.
Just as day transforms into night, humiliation morphs into anger, and anger morphs into nonsensicality. Outrage bubbles within you and you chuck the Snorlax plushie at his face.
“Fuck you! How can you treat me the way you do and expect me not to feel anything?! I emotionally cheated on my ex with you! You’re the fucking worst and I hate you. I hate you so fucking much!” Your hands frantically search for every single squishmallow, plushie, and teddy bear you have and you violently chuck your beloved squishies at him. From zero to one hundred, you’ve escalated rapidly and you feel like you’ll die if you don’t convey everything to him right now, in this moment.
Jungkook remains stoic, somewhat resembling the statue of a Greek god: handsome and stagnant, not even flinching at the impact of your squishies hitting his built body or the way you nonsensically scream at him.
“This is all your fucking fault Jungkook. You ruined my life! You ruined love for me! I’ll never get a boyfriend, never get married, never have kids because of you! I’m going to die alone and it’ll be all your fucking fault! How could you do that to me? How could you do that to me?” You erupt into sobs, pushing your face into your hands as you violently cry. Snot, tears, and saliva leak from your face as the chagrin completely consumes you.
“Y/N.” The sound of Jungkook’s deep, baritone voice is barely audible over the sounds of your heaving.
“I’m sorry Y/N.” He does sound sorry, but you can’t help but question the authenticity of his words because he didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. It’s like he’s merely uttering an apology to appease you.
But for Jungkook, he’ll apologize a million times if it helps dry your tears. He never let his pride get in the way when it comes to you.
He sits at the edge of your bed, using his finger to tilt your chin up, revealing your disheveled, snotty, and glossy face. You whimper when your vision clears and focuses on him.
He wipes your face with your own shirt, tugging up the hem to absorb your tears, still gentle and attentive. You swat his hand away. “You need to stop doing that,” you mewl, blinking more tears from your eyes.
“You need to stop crying. It makes me sad,” he retorts, passing you the same Snorlax plushie you violently launched at him. You cushion the plushie on top of your thighs and bring your knees to your chest. You inhale and exhale deeply, trying to settle from your emotional high.
“You don’t even take me seriously,” you mumble, peeking up at him.
“I always take you seriously,” Jungkook responds, “but I want you to stop crying first-
“Jungkook, kiss me,” you breathe out, “If you don’t hate me, then kiss me,” you say, your eyes fluttering shut, delusionally- as if he was about to kiss you. Instead, you feel his large palm on your head, softly caressing your hair.
“I’m not gonna kiss you. You should get some rest.” His voice is deep, calm, and composed. How can he be so normal when you’re on the brink of losing your mind?
Your face scrunches up in indignation before you erupt in tears once again, practically screaming. “Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you!”
“Y/N.” He calls your name repeatedly.
“Y/N-”
“Shut the fuck up you asshole!”
“Y/N,” his voice becomes more stern with everytime he calls your name, but you don’t let him get a word in. You keep screaming at him, calling him every name in the book of insults, shaking him off every time he goes near you.
When he attempts to sit by you, you violently push him away. “Go away! I’m not a little kid anymore! I don’t fucking need you anymore! I’m gonna be single forever because of you! If you don’t want me to be single forever then just fucking leave and never come back!”
You’re aware that your words are horrible, but the overwhelming sense of embarrassment and shame erupting in your system prevents any rational train of thoughts from developing in your mind. You’re embarrassed and devastated that Jungkook doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, and it sends you spiraling.
He attempts to calm you once more by sitting on your bed, but you push him even more violently. “Don’t fucking touch me! I’m never gonna find love because of you! Just fucking die, just leave forever if-”
He staggers on his feet, caught off balance from the force of your push, and for the first time in his life Jungkook yells at you.
“Y/N!”
Giving you no time to say or think anything, he seats himself on your makeup chair, tattooed hand gripping onto its top rail. “Y/N,” he scowls deeply at you, features blanketed in exasperation, “We’ll talk about this later, but you need to calm the fuck down. You’re hurting me when you talk like that.”
Your eyebrows furrow deeply in horror, your cheeks tear-stained and your eyes filled with sorrow. The haunting realization of what you just said settles into your system. Your quivering lips barely enunciate your words. “Kook, I’m so sorry,” you blubber out. “I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean it. I promise I didn’t mean it!” You shoot up, stumbling over your own feet and collapsing onto the floor. You’re a mess. Your face glistens with a layer of your own snot, and your hair is matted and tangled, the result of the countless times you tugged at it during this interaction.
Unbeknownst to you, there's a red blotch near the lower hem of your T-shirt, and droplets of blood escape you and drip onto the floor as you stumble out of bed. Jungkook notices though, eyebrows pinching in concern as a very disturbed expression morphs on his face when you collapse to your knees, your trembling hands holding onto him for support. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it! It’s all my fucking fault!”
Jungkook doesn’t say anything.
“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you sniffle. “I’m so sorry I said that. That was so horrible of me. Please don’t die. I’m so sorry.”
A sigh of vexation leaves his lips, but nonetheless he remains patient, compassionate towards the devastation that consumes your face. “I’m not gonna die.” He cups your face with his tattooed hand, and uses his thumb to wipe the idle tears on your face. “I forgive you. It’s okay.”
“Promise? Promise it’s okay? I’m so sorry,” you cry even more, desperately latching onto his hands, using the side of his fingers to wipe your eyes.
“It’s okay,” he confirms, tilting your head upwards before wiping your face with a makeup wipe from your vanity. “‘M really tired. I’m gonna go get your pads then I’ll be back.
You sniffle. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” The smile he gives you is forced, and it makes you feel horrible.
He motions his head towards your bed. “Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when I come back.”
You tiredly listen to his words, getting under your covers and holding onto your Snorlax plush. “Good night Kook.”
“Night,” he says, somewhat emotionlessly, flickering the lights off and vacating your room.
-
Horrible. You wake up with puffy eyes, infinite eye boogers, and an awful pit in your stomach. The memories of last night come flooding in and you immediately check your phone to see if Jungkook texted you. There’s nothing there.
Why would he want to talk to you after what you did?
You decide to send him a text message to further emphasize how sorry you are.
You throw your phone on the bed and scream into the stomach of Snorlax.
Dry. He’s being so fucking dry and it’s all your fault.
The next few weeks are spent with you attempting to redeem yourself.
-
You have no idea why you’re in front of Jungkook’s work, let alone with a lunchbox cake in hand. Begrudgingly, you stumble inside the tall building, awkwardly smiling when you come face to face with the sweet old security man. Jungkook’s work place is fancy as hell. Every floor of the tower hosts the office of an aristocratic company. There are even enormous, airport-esque x-ray machines stationed towards the entrance. You have to walk through a metal detector to be granted access into the building.
“Why hello, young lady! What business do you have here today?”
“Um, I have a cake for someone. H-he works at HYBE Tech Solutions.”
“Alright, go ahead and put your bag and belongings here,” he says, motioning towards the tray on the X-ray machine conveyor belt. You watch as your belongings pass through the machine and come out on the other end. Then, you step through the metal detector, holding your arms up to be properly inspected. You bid the security man goodbye and walk towards the elevator.
An ominous feeling of stupidity washes over you as you press your fingers onto the elevator buttonsYou feel stupid. You feel dumb. You feel silly. You would never do this for a man, but here you are.
You take a deep breath before you stumble in, coming face to face with the lady that works at the front desk. Your eyes settle on the badge on her blouse. Dorothy. You vaguely remember Jungkook ranting about this woman, venting about how she crossed professional and ethical boundaries- often sneakily creeping her fingers up his chest while they spoke and even going as far as to dig into the company’s database for his personal information.
You clear your throat. “Hi, how’s your day been?”
“I’m great! Thanks for asking, hun. How can I help you today?” She asks, voice bubbly and uplifting, perfect for customer service.
“Oh! Um- I have something for Jungkook. He works in the tech department.”
Her bubbly and friendly atmosphere immediately diminishes, and she raises her eyebrows at you before eyeing you conspicuously. With a vacuous expression, she picks up the landline, pressing her thin fingers into the numbers. “Hey, can you let Jungkook know that there’s a child here for him?”
You purse your lips at that, rocking back and forth on your heels. You try to avoid eye contact with this woman by looking elsewhere- pupils frantically darting to the daisies on the front desk or the grandfather clock that sits idly against the beige walls- but she’s persistently staring you down.
Thank God Jungkook appears from the end of the hallway.
He sports a light blue button up and brown slacks, a stack of papers in his tattooed hand while the other rakes through his short hair. He looks delicious as ever and clearly Dorothy agrees because she practically moans as he walks down the hallway.
“Y/N?” He narrows his eyes in your direction, confirming that it’s really you.
“Um hi Kook. I brought you something.” You use two hands to present the styrofoam box to him.
Jungkook’s eyes scan from the lunchbox to you. He places the stack of papers on the front desk before accepting the box and popping open its lid. “A cake?” he questions, and you nod shyly, fidgeting in place.
“Thanks,” he plainly says, giving you an awkward smile before his eyes dart towards Dorothy, who is intensely scrutinizing the interaction. There is tension in the atmosphere, and Dorothy’s presence isn’t helping.
He clears his throat. “You didn’t have to, you should be studying,” he says, his words a little more light-hearted this time.
You shake your head. “I wanted to do this for you. I’m sorry for last night, Koo.”
He stares at you before letting a sigh escape his lips. “t’s okay Y/N. Told you I‘m not mad. We’ll talk about this later.”
You twiddle with your fingers, your puppy eyes flickering towards him.
“Hug?” he asks, cutting the tension, tilting his head while he holds his arms open. You pout, nodding before running into his arms. He holds you tight, and whispers into the top of your head so Dorothy wouldn’t catch heed of the conversation. “You made me sad last night, you know.”
“‘I’m sorry.”
“‘It's okay. I can never be mad at you for too long,” He subtly releases you from his embrace and pinches your cheek. “Now go home, okay?”
You take a step back and offer a nod. And for some reason, Jungkook feels that you’re looking at him as if you’ll never see him again. “Enjoy your cake.”
Jungkook smiles back, waving you goodbye. You turn to the office lady, who quickly averts her eyes once you notice her blatant eavesdropping. “Thank you auntie. Have a nice day!”
Jungkook has to physically restrain himself from laughing.
-
A heart emoji. Butterflies erupt in your stomach at his most insignificant actions. You hold your phone to your chest and bite back a smile.
Loud music booms and vibrates through the walls of this massive mansion. There’s a huge pool, complete with a waterslide and waterfalls spilling into the pool. You’re surrounded by tons of other like-minded college kids, clad in nothing but a white lace bikini. You’re able to acknowledge that it isn’t the most tasteful outfit, but you feel good and you look good.
After jumping in the pool and violently pelting water balloons at each other (effectively scaring away all the hoes), you and Yunjin lie under a cabana mindlessly scrolling through your phones. You only look up from your phone when you sense Yunjin holding up her phone for a selfie. Jungkook would have rolled his eyes at the sight.
“Can I show you something?” you abruptly blurt out, eliciting a cynical look from your friend. “Is it bad?”
You immediately shake your head, composing your posture so you can properly show Yunjin your texts with Jungkook. Her eyes rapidly scan over the phone in moments and she shoots you a sly glance.
“So do you think?-”
“I don’t know… but I really, really, really hope that it means something. I don’t want him to see me as a little kid anymore, you know?” Bashfully, you smile at her, your demure expression a complete juxtaposition to your practically naked figure.
Yunjin cups your cheeks making your glossy lips pouty. “Y/N! You’re about to pull Jungkook!”
“I am?”
“Yes you are-”
Yunjin flinches dramatically when a harsh stream of water unexpectedly drenches you. You both whip your head to the culprit in question: Beomgyu standing directly in front of you with a massive water gun.
“You bitch!” Yunjin shoots up and runs after him with you rapidly following your partner in crime’s lead. But as you’re running towards Beomgyu (who maniacally screams and dashes), another stream hits you from the back.
The second culprit. Soobin. You sprint towards, latching your claws onto his white T-shirt him while you tug him towards the pool. “Wait Y/N! I just dried off. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
No mercy for this bitch.
You position yourself behind him, using your whole body to push him into the pool. Splash! You jump and squeal in excitement when he emerges from the water wiping his face with his hands. You laugh hysterically in his face, childishly pointing your finger at him, finding it even more hilarious when he gives you the stink eye. “That’s what you get, asshole!-“
You pause and shriek in horror.
Somebody just pulled on the strings of your bikini top, exposing your boobs to the entire party.
You instinctively crouch, shoving your chest into your knees.The gasp of horror that leaves Soobin’s lips mirrors yours, and he immediately springs into action, rapidly lifting himself from the pool and sprinting after whatever asshole just violated you.
“Y/N!” Your savior, Yeonjun appears in front of you, crouching to your level. He rapidly rids himself of his shirt and pulls it over your entire figure. “You’re good, you’re good,” he whispers calmly to you, trying to prevent you from having a full blown panic attack. You stand up reticently, folding your arms over your chest, eyes trained on the ground and only looking at Yeonjun’s feet to gauge which direction you’re heading in.
“You okay?” Yeonjun settles under the cabana. “That guy is such a dick,” he mutters to himself.
You nod and sink into the cushion of the outdoor-couch. “I’m so fucking embarassed.”
Attempting to salvage the situation, Yeonjun immediately shakes his head. “No, no. Nobody saw anything.” You shoot him a skeptical look, knowing damn well everybody in the party saw your bare boobs.
“Is that Jungkook?”
You immediately whip your head towards the left, and indeed Jungkook is walking your way. You can’t believe he’s real. All heads whip in his direction as he makes his way towards you. He flicks his head back to prevent hair from falling in front of his eyes, barefoot, black T-shirt, and gray shorts. He looks so handsome you can’t even comprehend it.
“Y/N!” He shouts, quicklyducking under the roof of the cabana before he positions himself in front of you. He inhales and exhales deeply, the blistering sun forming particles of sweat on his forehead.
You look up at him and your heart melts. The sheen of sweat on his face, the way his eyes fixate on you. Your heart skips a beat. You want to cry. Again. Out of embarrassment, and how emotional you become at Jungkook’s mere presence.
You bury your head into your knees, making Jungkook's eyebrows pinch. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Yeonjun opens his mouth, hesitatingly glancing at you to confirm if telling Jungkook is okay.
You shoot up and practically catapult yourself onto Jungkook, latching onto him like a Koala. “Nothing happened,” you say, nuzzling your face into his shirt. “Come swim with me. Please.”
Jungkook sighs, using his large palm to tame your frizzy stray hairs. “Y/N. We need to go home.”
You cock your head in confusion.“Wait why?”
His voice becomes oddly stern. “Y/N. It’s important and we have to go home.”
“To your place or mine?”
“My place. Just follow me.”
You haven’t a clue as to why Jungkook is behaving so urgently, but you follow him nonetheless. You pick up your purse and give Yeonjun a quick hug, running after Jungkook who cooly breezes past everyone, not a single person missing the hot guy who suddenly showed to the party.
Jungkook opens his car door for you and allows you to step in.
“Jungkook… is something going on?”
“Yes, there is,” he says grimacing slightly, shutting the door for you before he climbs into the driver’s seat.
This nauseating anxiety bubbles inside you and sends chills up your spine, making you flinch when Jungkook closes the car door on his side. Jungkook doesn’t say anything, just looks behind his shoulder to reverse from his parking spot before zooming out of there.
“Is this because of what happened the other night?” you ask, and he glances at you quickly.
“No, it isn’t.”
“Well.. are we going to talk about it?” you push, twiddling with your fingers.
Jungkook shakes his head, noticing your trembling fingers in his peripheral view. He reaches over and puts his hand on top of yours. “Not now.”
You don’t respond, shifting in confusion.
“Here,” Jungkook starts, throwing his phone in your lap, “You can play whatever song you want.”
You purse your lips and silently nod.
Sooner or later, you arrive at Jungkook’s apartments, and he leads you up the stairs and sits you on his black leather couch.
He cups your face with both hands, caressing the apples of your cheek with his thumbs. With your eyebrows pinched, you peer into Jungkook’s eyes, conveying your confusion through your scrunched facial features.
“Y/N, before I tell you what I want to tell you, I want you to take a few breaths. Just know that I’m always here for you.”
You nod steadily, pretty facial features still crinkled in confusion.
“Y/N, your parents were in a car accident, and they didn’t make it.”
“What?”
And as the haunting realization settles into your system, all you can remember are your shrieks of terror echoing throughout his apartment and the way Jungkook holds you against his body while he wipes your tears and assuages your loud cries.
-
The few days that proceed are a blur, but Jungkook takes care of you and is far more attentive than he ever has been. You cling onto him like fragile glass ornament hanging from a delicate thread- like he was all you had left because he was all you had left. He was your spring solace after a harsh winter, and the way he treated you indicated as much.
Jungkook works from home so you aren’t alone. For the entire day, you sit on his bed and watch him work. You eavesdrop on his meetings, falling asleep to the sound of his voice and whenever you wake up Jungkook ensures that he feeds you, constantly worried about your inability to eat.
You’re queasy just thinking about going back to your house, so your daily and nightly attire consist of pieces from Jungkook’s wardrobe. You haven’t verbally acknowledged what has happened- not ready to talk about the death of your parents. You’re just trying to survive, and you feel like you’re barely making it.
Thankfully, all your friends and family have been extremely helpful trying to get you through your grief. Jungkook’s mother stays with you for a few days, and after that Yunjin sleeps over with you for a few days- but you know that a piece of your heart has been ruthlessly ripped form you.
“Y/N, you need to take a shower,” Jungkook expresses, obstructing your view of the TV. His toothbrush hangs from his mouth, toothpaste residue bubbling around the perimeter of his lips. You owlishly blink at him, observing how his expression hardens at your look of indifference.
You scoot towards the left end of the couch, hoping to get a clear view of Ever After High projected on his flat screen TV.
“Y/N you haven’t showered in three days,” Jungkook interjects, “Please take a shower.”
“I will. Later.”
He pushes up his glasses, staring at you with intense disapproval. “Y/N,” he says sternly, trying to be gentle despite his qualms.
You acquiesce, pouting at him. “Okay, fine. Later.”
His frown deepens. “Y/N.”
You chew on your bottom lip, deeply contemplating what Jungkook has asked of you. His large frame remains frozen in front of you. No matter how you position yourself on the couch, he renders you unable to watch the princesses prance around on the TV.
“Okay… but will you at least come with me? I don’t want to be without you.”
Jungkook pauses.
“I don’t mean like getting in with me, but will you just sit on the toilet and talk to me?” You ask, sinking into the leather of his sofa and using your sweater paws to sweep your hair back.
“Yea, I’ll do that.”
Once you step in the shower, you close the curtains, and strip yourself from your clothes, handing the pile of clothes to Jungkook. You turn on the water, yelping at the sensation on your body. Jungkook was right. You needed this and you kind of do smell like butthole.
“Wait Y/N, do you want me to go to your house and get you underwear?”
After folding up your (his) T-shirt and boxers, he notices that you haven’t been wearing any undergarments.
“No!” you call back, “I don’t want you to go there! Not yet,” you call back.
“Then do you want me to buy you some?” he responds, placing the folded clothes on the bathroom counter.
“Um, maybe we can order some on Amazon.”
“Just send me the link and I’ll place the order.”
“Okay.”
A wave of silence washes over the bathroom, and you peek your head from the shower curtain to see what Jungkook’s up to: scrolling on Instagram. On his screen is some instagram model’s bikini pic, his fingers pausing on the screen so he can look at the photo.
“Who is that?” you ask, making Jungkook jump in his seat.
“What the- Y/N, just take your shower!” Jungkook feigns annoyance but can’t help himself but scoff in amusement at how petty you can be.
“Is she prettier than me?” you ask, glaring at Jungkook with disapproval.
Jungkook purses his lips and tugs the shower curtain past your face and holds it against the wall, preventing you from peeking your pretty head past the curtain. He holds it there for a good minute, unfazed by the thrashing against the shower curtain.
Swish.
You swipe open the shower curtain from the other side. Your eyes bore into Jungkook’s and Jungkook thinks you’re foolish not to realize how alluring and sultry you are. Your bare body is akin to a sculpture of the goddess Aphrodite. Water drips from the crevices of your body and you gaze at him with anticipation etched onto your face. You’re just standing there, but your posture is so seductive- or maybe it’s just the natural curvature of your body.
“Why don’t you join me?” your sweet voice makes his Adam's apple bob in his throat.
When he doesn’t respond, your features morph into humiliation, regret consuming you. You nod your head. “Sorry Kook, I’ll just-”
“Y/N, you’re gorgeous. Any man can see how lovely you are. Honestly, you take my breath away every time I see you,” Sensing the trepidation on your face, he solidifies his claim, “I mean it Y/N. You’re beautiful, and I want to join you but I’m not going to. You’re hurting right now and I don’t want to do anything to take advantage of you.”
And he isn’t lying, he yearns for every kind of contact with you, but he’s not going to go through with this. Not when you’re traumatized from the death of your parents. Not when you’ve been so unhinged for the past week, refusing to even shower.
You stare at him for a second, dazy eyed and your eyes darting around the room. “Okay Jungkook. I’m sorry.”
He smiles sweetly at you and gently closes the shower curtain. “It’s okay Y/N. I’m gonna head to my room. You’re welcome to come visit me anytime.”
-
Boys’ night. Jungkook being the handsome stud he is, happens to have friends that are also handsome studs. Jungkook offered to postpone boys’ night but you declined his attempts to make you more comfortable. Jungkook has exerted so much effort to take care of you. There’s no reason for him to forgo time with his best friends. Besides, you can always hide in your room.
You crack your door open slightly ajar, peeking through the crack to spy on Jungkook and his friends. Antisocial is the perfect word to describe you.
The sound of the doorbell ringing was your cue to lock yourself in your room. Jungkook knocked a few times, but you were too scared of other people that you didn’t even grace him with a response.
Clearly Jungkook got the message because he opted to leave a greasy piece of pizza outside your door, sending you a quick text message about it.
You just wanted to scout the scene, see who was there. Mingyu, Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon. Soju bottles are scattered around the table, and there’s some music blaring from the TV. You’ve met everyone here a few times- they all know you, but you aren’t close with Jungkook’s friends like he is with your friends.
“Oh Y/N! Come join us!” You freeze at Mingyu’s words, and all eyes in the room whip towards your direction.
“Umm..” you close the door gently and leap into the safety of your bed.
You overhear their banter through the wooden door. “Hey! Why are you making little kids uncomfortable!” Jimin yells, slapping Mingyu on the neck.
Your lip quivers, and you inhale deeply, gathering the courage to step outside of the room. You quickly put on deodorant, and step out stealthily, taking a seat next to Namjoon on the couch. No one seems to notice you, and you tap on his shoulder. Namjoon whips his head towards you, the confusion on his face melting into fondness.
“Hi,” you squeak out, fiddling with your fingers.
“Hi Y/N,” Namjoon greets, the kindness laced in his voice assuaging the trepidation bubbling on your inside. Jungkook’s red lava lamp illuminates the room with shades of crimson, and your eyes flutter shut when a ray of light shines on your face.
“Are you okay?” Namjoon inquires, holding his hand up to shield you from the light.
“Yea, I’m fine,” you blink a few times. You don’t say anything, just awkwardly take a bite of your pizza while your eyes dart around the room.
Namjoon doesn’t seem to know what to say to you either, so the two of you just sit and eat pizza in silence. For a moment, your eyes lock. You owlishly blink at him and he blinks at you for a good minute.
But then, to your surprise, Namjoon sets his pizza down, opening his arms. Your features scrunch up, and you let yourself melt into his warm embrace, glossy tears rolling down your face.
“I’m so sorry about what happened,” he expresses, gently caressing the back of your head with his palm. You sniffle. “t’s okay,” you sob, “but I’m so sad. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“You’ll get through this. We’re always here for you.”
His words invoke a tornado of intense feelings in your system, and your strong facade crumbles as you become vulnerable in Jungkook’s friend’s embrace. By this point, everyone has noticed your presence, and suddenly the night becomes about you.
After wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you find yourself sitting in between Jungkook and Namjoon in a “friendship circle”. It’s quite cute that these grown men still sit criss-cross applesauce in a circle, but you’re overjoyed that you’re welcome to the group.
“I brought you a cake Y/N,” Taehyung announces, handing you a lunchbox cake. With your doe eye, you look towards him before opening the lid of the cake. A lunchbox cake with Snorlax’s face iced on the top. “Jungkook mentioned that you really liked Pokemon, so I thought you’d find this cute,” he continues, slightly trailing off. You’re Strong! Is what it reads, and you fall into pieces, your features crumpling up before you burst into tears.
Jungkook laughs in fondness at the vulnerability of your reaction, wrapping a single arm around your frame.
“Th-thank you,” you sniffle, offering Taehyung a crooked smile. “Can we eat it together? I don’t want to get f-fat.”
At that, a chorus of no’s echo through the room, and you giggle a bit.
Your heart is incredibly full. Family. Friends. People who care about you. This is something your soul desires, something your soul needs.
The night meets its unfortunate end, and you stand in front of Jungkook as you bid his friends goodbye. Before the boys walk away, you find your fingers clinging onto the hem of Jimin’s oversized shirt. Before he ventures off, he turns around and graces you with an endearing look of confusion. “What’s up?”
“Can I come with you?” you spout.
“You want to sleep over at our place?” Jimin questions, gingerly scratching the back of his head.
You shake your head steadily, “I just want to talk to you,” you clarify, gazing up at him shyly. Jimin’s eyes dart towards Jungkook’s for approval and Jungkook nods his head. “Go ahead. I’ll give you guys privacy,” he pinches your cheek affectionately before closing the door. You stand on your tiptoes, peeking through the window of the apartment to ensure that Jungkook isn’t eavesdropping.
Jimin leans against the railings, observing you carefully.
You tug on the hem of Jimin’s tee, urging him to follow you to the lobby of Jungkook’s apartment. He follows in your stead, not questioning you until your actions pause. You shift around uncomfortably for a bit, and you look up at him. Taking a deep breath, you find the courage to ask him the question that’s been lingering in the back of your mind.
“Do you think Jungkook and I could ever.. be a thing?” you finally question, shifting your weight between your feet, a crimson sheen sweeping over your cheeks.
Jimin’s eyebrows pinch, and he repeatedly opens and closes his mouth, looking for the right words to say. “Like romantically?”
Your eyes cumbersomely drift towards the painting behind Jimin. “Y-yea. I really like him, and I want him to be my boyfriend- and I know he’s attracted to me but won’t act on his feelings because of his ethical qualms,” you stutter out, pursing your lips after seeing how Jimin’s face morphs into astonishment.
“Well, I don’t think Jungkook is seeing anyone right now- but Y/N, if I’m going to be totally honest, I don’t think you and Jungkook being a romantic pair would be appropriate. I mean, he’s known you since you were a kid. Even if he does like you, I don’t think he would cross those boundaries.” he very gently explains, meticulously finding the correct wording to not hurt your feelings.
You bite your lip bitterly, sinking into the realization of his assertion. “Yea, you’re right. I don’t know. I guess it’s just a stupid crush,” you dismiss your confession with a wave and offer Jimin a shy smile.
Jimin pouts at your invalidation of your own feelings. “Don’t say that. I know you’ll find someone who cherishes and loves you. Someone you deserve,” he asserts. You smile at him, nodding before he ruffles your hair and leads you back up the stairs.
Someone you love.
Would you ever find it in yourself to love anybody that wasn’t him? Jungkook has successfully monopolized your heart, your soul, your very being.
Ping!
-
Tonguing his cheek, Jungkook impatiently and abruptly brakes at a red light, accelerating rapidly when the light turns green. He changes from his casual clothes to a black sleeveless shirt, loose leather pants, and a beanie. Mingyu sits on the passenger seat, frantically typing on his laptop as Jungkook zooms down the highway at record pace.
Breaking into a frat house to terrorize some dumb college kids definitely wasn’t a part of the plan tonight, but Jungkook was down for some last minute terrorism.
“So what are you gonna do? Threaten the kid? Call the cops?”Taehyung questions from the backseat, both hands gripping on the headrest of Mingyu and Jungkook’s seats.
“Look, I’m really trying to not sound corny, but I’m going to torture him,” Jungkook enunciates, which evokes a few seconds of silence.
“This bitch-”
“He’s lost his fucking mind,” Mingyu mumbles.
Jungkook laughs to himself, amused by the comments of his friends. Jungkook is an intelligent, rational person. Normally, he wouldn’t take it this far but he deems it extremely necessary for this particular situation.
“What the- now he’s creepily laughing to himself-”
“If we tell Y/N about this she’s going to be scared of you,” Mingyu abruptly comments, shooting Jungkook a pointed look.
Jungkook pauses, seemingly deeply considering the utterance of his friend, toying with his lip ring for a while he finally makes a comment. “I won’t do anything bad. I’ll just intimidate him a little.”
His friends sigh, not pressing further on the matter because Mingyu and Taehyung were pissed off too. Instead, Mingyu rolls down the windows of the car, allowing the breeze of the cool night to consume the interior of the car.
Jungkook considers this very night a milestone in your healing process. You isolated yourself in his apartment for two consecutive weeks, your grief severely limiting your social capacity and ability to normally interact with people. His friends were privy to your situation, purposely not coming to Jungkook’s home out of respect for you. But tonight, the color that reappeared in your aura overwhelmed his heart with joy.
While you were on the couch, talking to Namjoon about something, Jungkook got an alarming text from one of your friends- Yeonjun. Jungkook is cool with your friends, but not close enough to be sending private text messages, so his eyes brows pinch in concern when he sees the notification pop up from his phone.
Mingyu’s eyes drifted towards Jungkook, who was noticeably brimming with indignation. Jungkook scoffed to himself, a macabre smirk on his lips before he laughed erratically at the message. He repeatedly wiped his face with his hand, chuckling in amusement. Jungkook discreetly passed his phone to Mingyu without a word, with Taehyung looking over his shoulder, both of them gasping at the message.
This whole time, you were oblivious to the scheme Jungkook was contriving and Jungkook intended to keep it that way. You were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and Jungkook would cut his limbs off to lessen that burden. The indignation and resentment bubbling within him threatens to erupt because he’s so fucking pissed off.
You’re everything to him, and the thought of you being violated makes him want to indulge in his violent impulses. He can’t imagine how you would feel knowing that video spread around, and usually he would confide with you about these things but right now he needs to sweep this under the rug and make sure it never comes back up.
Luckily, he and Mingyu both have degrees in computer engineering and know how to hack into technical infrastructures.
Jungkook pulls up to the frat house, rolling the window down steadily before he rests his elbow on the ledge of the window. He sits there for a second, toying with his lip ring while his eyes bore into the interior of the house. He’s sure he looks creepy as hell- just staring into the house.
After a few minutes of waiting in silence, some guy arises from the house and approaches the car.
Jungkook keeps his lips sealed until he’s close enough to perceive his features.
“Uh is there something yall need?” the guy asks, innocently scratching the back of his head.
“Yea,” Jungkook responds, voice firm and somewhat chilling, “Your name Josh?”
“Yea? What’s up-”
Jungkook kicks the door open, knocking Josh over until he’s rolled on the floor, clutching his leg as he shrieks in pain.
“Oh shit, are we really doing this?” Taehyung mutters before joining Jungkook outside the car.
Jungkook sits on top of Josh, continuously punching the shit out of him before he spits on the kid’s face. He uses a single hand to lift him by the collar, and violently pushes him against the car. “You mad Y/N rejected you? So you pulled that shit?” Jungkook menaces, his face centimeters away from Josh’s.
Josh whimpers, crying- too horrified to coherently respond. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he pleads, tears and snot streaming down his ugly face.
“Shut the fuck up!” Jungkook repeatedly bangs Josh against the car. “I’m gonna say this shit once and I’m not going to repeat myself,” he seethes, satisfied by the way Josh whimpers and nods his head pathetically.
“You’re not shit. You’ll never ever be good enough for Y/N. You’re the same as the shit on the bottom of my shoe,” he breathes against Josh’s face, who whimpers and cries, “If I ever see you messing with Y/N ever again- I will ruin your whole life.”
Josh nods, unable to do anything else.
“Got it?” Jungkook seethes, pushing Josh’s head against the car door.
“Got it!”
“Good. We’re going inside, and you guys are going to watch us go through all of your iClouds, and we’re going to delete every single copy of the video there is, alright?”
“Yes! Yes! That’s fine! I’m sorry!”
Jungkook scoffs in amusement at his despicable demeanor, before he throws Josh on the ground and enters the house.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Mingyu mumbles, following Jungkook’s lead into the house.
-
You anxiously wait for Jungkook to return home, absentmindedly toying with the Switch to distract from the hysterical thoughts frantically racing through your mind. You’ve done everything you could to distract yourself, your restless heart aching to do something of substance.
You’ve been isolating yourself from society for the past month simply because you can’t bring yourself to leave Jungkook’s home, as if it was your safe haven.
You dread the moment you have to return to your home, memories of your family coming to mind. You’ve been trying to avoid thinking about everything, and you reckon that it’s time to process everything. There are aspects of grief that you find unfathomable- questions you have that make you want to throw up.
What will happen to the home that holds the memories of your family within its walls? How will you assimilate back into society without your father, without your mother? You’re not confident that it will ever be the same, and your heart sinks into your stomach at the notion- but you have to be resilient; you have to face it.
It feels worse to avoid the reality of your life than to face it head on.
You’re pulled from your thoughts by the sound of the doorknob turning.
“Jungkook!” The way you call his name is breathless, and his eyebrows pinch in concern when you pounce on him. Nonetheless, he allows you to nuzzle into his embrace and he soothingly rubs your back- like he always does.
“Wasn’t gone that long,” Jungkook absentmindedly comments.
“I know- just missed you. I’m sorry for being clingy,” you murmur, to which Jungkook shakes his head at the absurdity of your words.
“Not at all. Stay here for as long as you want. I’ll take you with me wherever I go,” he adds, settling into the leather of his sofa. You shuffle after him like a cute little penguin, sitting your ass directly next to Jungkook despite the vacant empty space on your right side.
“Then am I allowed to sit next to you?”
Jungkook’s features crinkle up in amusement, nose scrunching as he laughs lightly at how cute you are. He pinches your cheek, “It’s one thousand dollars for every minute you’re within a five foot radius of me,” he comments, tone stoic and firm.
He doesn’t have to look in your direction to visualize the way your pretty lips fall open, swatting at his bicep for his cruel words. “Jungkook, I don’t have that money! You know I only have 35 cents in my bank account!”
“Okay, then go sit over there,” Your eyes follow the trail of his pointed finger, the corner of the room.
“Fine! You fucking asshole,” you mutter bitterly, jumping up from the couch and stomping away with a hmph, until Jungkook slyly wraps his hand around the circumference of your wrist and pulls you to him. You collapse onto the couch, your back against his chest, and your butt between his legs.
He clings onto you, almost suffocating you with the way he wraps his arms around you, grabbing his elbows as he locks his arms over your head. “‘M just kidding- you know that. I can’t survive without my baby either, y’know?”
Your chest erupts with butterflies, and you hold onto his forearm with both of your hands. “I know.”
-
The next day, you return to school. Your professors were so empathetic and understanding to the nuance and confusion of your situation, allowing you to complete your coursework from the comfort of Jungkook’s home.
Grief isn’t a linear process. Though you’ve found it in you to return to school, it’s the mundane and the typical that you’re becoming increasingly bothered by.
No one in your Philosophy class is paying attention to this movie, clearly. You can tell by the lit up screens scattered within the clusters of students, and you aren’t diligent enough to not be one of those students, doodling flowers and Snorlax’s on your paper.
For the second you do look up at the movie, your heart stops. It’s always the most mundane, irrelevant details that get to you. The scene barely occupies a minute and it makes your chest tighten in the worst way possible.
The main character walks down the wedding aisle, her arm linked with her father’s. The haunting realization settles in your system- you will never ever experience that. You begin hyperventilating, your hand crumpling the paper, and you quickly rest your forearms on the table before shoving your face into your forearms. People are already looking at you and you can’t fathom the humiliation so you stay like that until class is dismissed.
You finally lift your head, rubbing your eyes to adjust the blinding ceiling lights.
“Hey, are you okay?”
You shriek at the unexpected voice and whip your head to the left.
“Hey hey hey- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he breathes out, rolling his chair towards you before rolling back so as to not scare you further.
“No no, you’re good,” you breathe out, inhaling and exhaling to bring you down from your petrified high. “Just having a shitty day,” you explain, sweeping away the hair dried to your face by your tears.
He seems to be unable to conjure a proper response, peering at you with an empty gaze and you sink in your seat, feeling the need to further explain yourself. “Well there was that part in the movie where Emma got married, and that made me feel horrible because I recently lost my dad.. And my mom.”
“Wait, I’m sorry. You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he articulates, “I just noticed you haven’t been in class for a while and was kinda worried when I saw you crying. I’m sorry if I pushed your boundaries.”
“You know me?”
His lips tug up in embarrassment as he gingerly scratches the back of his neck. “Well we usually sit next to each other so I thought we formed an acquaintanceship or something,” he mumbles.
“Oh I’m sorry,” you pout at him, “I usually tap out during class so I never noticed you. What’s your name by the way?” You shyly stick out your hand, and he gives you a straight lined smile before shaking your hand gently.
“Sunghoon. I-I’m really sorry for your loss by the way,” he adds, and you find his nervousness quite endearing. You shyly smile at him, and he gazes back at you with similar amity. He ever so softly pulls your wrist towards his and scribbles his number onto your forearm. “Feel free to text me if you ever need help with homework. You missed a lot of school,” he offers, and you find yourself giggling at his forth forwardness.
“Thanks Sunghoon."
-
When Jungkook returns from work that night, the first thing he’s met with is you shoving your boots on, seemingly ready for a vivacious night out. Your figure is adorned with a white satin slip on dress, and your hair is put up in an elegant updo. Jungkook pauses, eyes settling on your figure before scanning up to your face; he thinks this is the first time he’s seen you with makeup on since he wiped away the mascara running down your cheeks the day he broke the news.
“Hey daddy,” you purr, “Where have you been? The kids have been waiting for you,” you giggle, sliding your mini purse down your arm.
Jungkook narrows his eyes at you, humorously scoffing at your corny choice of words.
You giggle, skipping towards him before jumping onto him, latching around his neck before you whisper in his ear. “‘m going out with my friends, don’t wait for me to get home because I might stay the night with Yunjin.”
Jungkook stiffens, remaining frozen while you back up from him.
“So, do I look like an angel, or what?”
“Always look cute,” because despite the infesting irritation bubbling in his system, he would never not tell you how it is. You are cute, always cute, always like an angel.
“Thanks,” you giggle, skipping towards the door but before you can skip past him, he latches onto your wrist. “Wait.”
You tilt your head, slightly confused. “I bought something for you.”
He digs in his backpack and pulls it out. Nipple pasties. “You never wear a bra, so I thought you’d be safer if you put these on before you go out.”
“You were the one who said I had small tits!”
“Okay, well you still have nipples- so at least put these on to keep you safe.”
You narrow your eyes at him, but he doesn’t back down. You snatch the pasties from his hand and march into the bathroom. “Fine!”
Jungkook lounges on the couch, eyes trained on you before you bid him goodbye and skip out of his apartment. He inhales deeply to settle the erratic palpitations in his chest. He needs to stop being so protective of you.
-
Your arms linked with Yunjin, you skip around from one club to the next, dancing and partying your little hearts out. When the night comes to a close you prance to the local ramen shop around your campus. From a distance, you can already make out Jungkook casually speaking with his friends. He’s always so animated when he’s with his friends, dramatically gesturing and hip thrusting in the air while his friends laugh at his immature jokes. He’s got a cigarette between his pointer and middle finger, taking slow puffs, allowing the smoke to fill his lungs before he tilts his head to exhale a long plume of smoke into the atmosphere.
That’s right. Jungkook smokes occasionally but never lets you do it. What a hypocrite.
His eyes drift off for a second until they land on you, and his lips curl up in your presence.
“Well look, if it isn’t my favorite girl,” he teases, letting out low laughter at the way you crimson when all his friends’ heads whip in your direction.
You narrow your eyes at him, giving him a dirty look that Jungkook cooes at. Even when you were trying to intimidate him you akin to a cute Snorlax, so adorable, eyebrows pinched and lips pouted- how could he feel anything but adoration at that?
“Aw angel,” he jests, throwing your words right back at you, “Don’t ignore me, ‘m sorry for teasing you,” he catches you as you walk past him, pulling you towards his chest before resting his chin on top of your head.
He casually smiles at Yunjin. “How’s my angel been doing? Has she been behaving?”
Yunjin’s jaw drops at the bold statement and you attempt to wrestle out of his firm embrace to berate him.
Just kidding. It’s getting late, though. Do you girls need a ride home?” he asks, finally letting you go just for you to stumble out of his grip and almost land on your face, but luckily Jungkook pulls your shoulders back without even looking in your direction.
“Jungkook, it’s literally 10,” you deadpan.
“Oh c’mon, I don’t want you girls to get kidnapped or something,” he snarkily responds.
“How about you give us some money instead?” Yunjin jests, clearly joking, but Jungkook takes it so, so seriously. He raises a brow at both of you. “How much do you need?”
“Wait no- I was kidding,” Yunjin quickly clarifies, her ears becoming slightly red, “you don’t have to..”
Jungkook looks from you to her, then back at you before whipping out his phone, taking another puff of his cigarette before blowing the smoke upwards, careful so you don’t inhale any smoke.
Ping!
Your eyebrows pinch in confusion when you get a notification, and you unzip your mini purse to grab your phone, allowing the screenlight to illuminate your pretty features.
JEON JUNGKOOK HAS TRANSFERRED YOU 500 DOLLARS VIA HYBETRANSFER.
“250 each, alright?” Jungkook laughs, taking another puff of his cigarette before he saunters off, his friends pushing him around and teasing him.
“Ayo, when did Jeon turn into a sugar daddy?”
You and Yunjin are left dumbfounded, even more so when Jungkook turns around and makes kissy lips at you.
You fall to your knees.
-
The next morning is the weekend.
You absentmindedly chomp on your cereal, eyes still crusty and mind still hazy from the morning daze. Jungkook arises from his bedroom, hair still messy and sticking out in various directions- but he still looks as handsome as ever, the tired and morning glow suiting him wondrously.
“So, I’m planning a trip with my friends at the beach. We’ll stay in an AirBnb. You wanna come with?”
You pause, features crinkling up in confusion. “Which friends? The ones from last night or Mingyu and them?”
“Mingyu, Tae, Jimin, Namjoon,” he counts off, before shrugging, “I already planned to take you with me so it’s not like you have a choice anyways.”
You scoff to yourself in amusement. “Aren’t you being too forceful?”
Jungkook narrows his eyes and graces you with a look of skepticism. “So you don’t want to go? or..”
“No!” you rapidly interject as you shoot up, clearing your throat and regaining your composure at the way Jungkook smirks at you.
You settle back into your seat. “I do want to go,” you exhale, “but do I have to pay for my own room or something? I’m broke.”
“Oh, I was just gonna have you stay in my room,” Jungkook responds, trailing off as he tries to detect any trace of apprehension on your features, “Is that alright with you?”
You don’t even realize you’re holding your breath until you breathlessly exhale. “That’s perfect.”
So that’s how you found yourself at the beach, in nothing but your black bikini, prancing around the waves with Taehyung.
“Jungkook watch!” you call as you swivel around towards Jungkook, who’s applying sunscreen to his legs, not really paying attention to what you were doing.
You stand in front of the upcoming wave, holding your arms out as if you were going to embrace the wave. “I’m going to stand against the wave!”
At that, Jungkook whips his head upwards, eyebrows pinching in worry as he shoots up. “Tae! Get her! She’s gonna get swept in by-“
And on cue, the wave collapses over you and you tumble into the unwelcoming water. “Motherfuck-“ You thrash and scream, powerless against the unforgiving currents until a pair strong arms pull you from your armpits and drags you to the sand.
“Holy shit Y/N, are you alright?” Taehyung asks, crouching beside you as he pats your back, allowing you to cough the water up.
“Y/N that was so dumb,” you hear Jungkook’s voice as he approaches you, crouching beside you as he hands you his black steel water bottle. “Take a sip,” he urges, and you nod shakily, grasping the bottle with both hands before you take a sip from it.
“I’m okay. Thanks for saving me Taehyung,” you smile at him and he releases a sigh of relief. “You scared the shit out of us!”
You gulp down the water and close the cap, returning his bottle to him. “Sorry, I won’t do that again, but can we get back to playing now?” you smile as you playfully fling a ball of wet sand at Jungkook.
Jungkook closes his eyes on impact, scoffing in amusement before he grabs you by your legs, signalling Taehyung to grab your arms before they both lift you and run into the ocean.
-
Jungkook waits outside your shared room, knuckles softly knocking on the wooden door. A towel loosely wrapped around his lower waist, water drips from every crevice on his body, but he can’t enter until you’re done changing.
“Oki! I’m done!” you call out, opening the door for him, a towel in your hand as you use it to scrunch up your damp hair.
“Wow. You’re really muscular,” you giggle, fingers hovering over his abs before you look up at him for approval to feel, to which he gently pushes your head aside and waltzes into the room.
When he’s done changing he beckons you back to the room, and you plop in the king sized bed, belly down and legs swinging back and forth in the air.
Jungkook lies down beside you, resting his head on the pillow as he scrolls aimlessly on his phone, only looking over when he hears your ringtone go off.
You answer the call almost immediately.
“Oh hey Sunghoon!” you greet, shooting up from the bed to touch up your appearance in the facetime camera.
Sunghoon. Jungkook knows all your friends and he hasn’t heard that name before.
“Hey Y/N, how’s your vacation going?” Sunghoon asks, and you take a seat at the desk, propping your phone up against the wall. You twirl an idle piece of hair around your fingers. “It’s really fun here, I feel great,” you explain, “so what’s up?”
“You look like you’re having fun- wait, is there someone in the room with you?”
You rapidly turn around and look at Jungkook, then tilt your phone at an angle where he isn’t visible. “Oh, he’s just a family friend, do you want me to go somewhere more private?”
“Oh no that’s cool, I was just wondering but I called to ask you about the homework…”
A family friend? Jungkook scowls at that. Wordlessly, he breezes past you and exits the room, closing the door and sits next to Jimin on the couch.
Jimin takes a few moments to acknowledge Jungkook’s presence. “Hey, is there anything going on between you and Y/N?” Jimin finally asks, eyebrows furrowing in concern when he perceives Jungkook’s sour face.
Jungkook pauses. “Why are you asking?”
Jimin shrugs. “I don’t know. Don’t you know she has a crush on you? Isn’t it inappropriate for you two to be sharing a room?” Jimin continues, nudging Jungkook with his elbow.
At that, Jungkook buries his face into his palms. He’s let this go on for far too long. “I know,” Jungkook murmurs, voice projection muffled by his hands.
“You know? The other day she asked me if it was possible between you two and I straight up told her that you wouldn’t go for it.”
Jungkook remains wordless at that, and he thinks he’s developed an idea of the reality of the situation.
Jungkook was too scared to address the subject with you; he let it linger for far too long. He didn’t want to burden you with anything else besides what you already had on your plate, and you got in your head about it. He never explicitly stated that he more than reciprocates your feelings, leaving you dangling on a string.
He’s going to fix that.
“No Jimin, that’s not it,” Jungkook clarifies, wiping his face with his palms. “I like her too, and I’m going to tell her tonight,” he states firmly, slightly craning his head to gauge Jimin’s reaction. His reaction isn’t what Jungkook expected. Instead of a look of concern, worry, or horror, Jimin looks over the moon.
“Well shit! I wish I knew that before! You guys look perfect together!” he exclaims before eagerly patting Jungkook on the back.
Jungkook raises his eyebrows at his friend. “Really? Don't you think I should wait a little longer? Until she's ready?”, to which Jimin simply shakes his head.
“Y/N's an adult. She can handle herself. I thought you wouldn't go for it because of the age gap, though. I guess I shouldn't have told her that," he says gingerly, scratching the back of his head. ”Sorry Kook."
Jungkook doesn't say anything, seemingly in deep contemplation. "It used to bother me,” Jungkook clarifies, "but it doesn't anymore."
“So what’s wrong with it?"
That’s right. There is nothing wrong with it.
-
A cool night on the beach. You feel the cool breeze through your air, the lunar radiance of the moon illuminating the beach. You’re adorned in a lovely, summer-esque two piece set with floral patterns running along the fabric, The top piece is cropped and strapless, exposing your collar bones and belly button piercing, and the bottom piece is a long, flowy skirt that blows marvelously against the wind.
You gingerly step outside the beach house, enjoying the cool sensation of the night breeze. The guys are all hanging out in the yard, soju bottles and beer cans scattered on the wooden benches positioned on the beach. Namjoon and Jimin are posted up on the benches, chowing down on meat whilst engaging in pretty animated conversation. You spot Mingyu and Taehyung running around the beach, slapping each other and chasing after each other, their dirty heels slipping against the coarse sand.
Jungkook is stationed at the grill, frying meat for his friends. His tall and built figure is concealed by his loose black T-shirt and black sweat shorts that you have worn a few times during your extended stay at his place.
You creep up behind him, swiping away the stray hairs that the wind blew into your face. Tapping him lightly on the back, you coyly skmile at him, a bashful glow illuminating your face.
Jungkook sensed your presence the moment stepped foot from the house, but still acts like it’s the first time he’s ever seen you. He does a double take, eyes scanning up and down your face and body- you look so lovely and elegant in your little two piece set. “Hey,” Jungkook finally returns your greeting, a little breathless.
“Can I have some?” you ask, pointing to the grill.
“Uh yea, I actually made a plate for you a second ago,” Jungkook takes the prepared plate of your favorite meats, but pauses before he hands it to you. He hasn’t a clue if you’re doing this on purpose, but you’re looking at him with the sultriest of eyes, and it drives him crazy. His Adam’s Apple bobs in his throat, and he collects himself before handing you the plate.
You tilt your head, sending him a look of confusion at his hesitance, but Jungkook sees it as a gateway to talk to you. “Y/N, can we talk? Like now?” Jungkook asks, rubbing at the nape of his neck.
“Sure, what about?” you solicit, setting the plate on the table.
Jungkook immediately shoves his hands in his pockets, and motions his head towards the beach, obliging you to follow him. “About what you told me at your house..” he trails off, “that one time in the middle of the night,” he adds.
He perceives the way your features morph into embarrassment, so he decides to take the lead on this conversation. He approaches you, standing beside you momentarily before smoothly lacing his fingers through yours. “Let’s go.”
Unable to conjure a proper response, you follow his footsteps in silence until your bodies appear as distant figures by the ocean. With your toes kissing the water washing up on shore, he turns back to look at you, fingers still intertwined. But you stop him before he can open his mouth.
“Wait- Jungkook. Let me explain myself first,” you begin, thankful that the night sky conceals the obvious bashful glow on your cheeks.
Jungkook who is seemingly expressionless nods his head, signaling you to let your words out.
You gently pull your hand from his, twiddling with your fingers before you can speak. “Firstly, I just wanna apologize.. to you,” you begin, ignoring the way his nose scrunches in confusion, “I feel like you’ve been so good to me- you always take care of me. Your family is the only family I have left,” you continue, bashfully tucking an idle strand of hair behind your ear.
“So I’m sorry for forcing myself on you, and I’m sorry for mistaking your care towards me as romantic affection,” you continue, subconsciously gesticulating with your hands. “I know you said you don’t like it when girls are clingy but I’ve been nothing but clingy, and you still take care of me and care about me.” Your words are passionate, and they’re true. “Everyone told me that a relationship with you would be inappropriate.. but I was too persistent and too selfish. I’m so sorry Kook. You must’ve been so shocked when I yelled at you and when I.. opened that shower curtain,” you finish, shaking your head in embarrassment.
When you finally complete the sentiment, you tilt your head upwards to gauge his reaction. His eyebrows pinch in confusion, and his mouth is slightly agape. “What?” he asks breathlessly, eyebrows pinching even further. He runs a tired hand over his face. “Y/N- just- I can’t believe you said that. Y/N, I love you. And I don’t care if you’re clingy, and I don’t care what anybody else thinks of us.”
You gasp at his words, a profound sense of emotion absolutely overwhelming you.
“What I care about is what you think of me, and whether you’re happy,” His fingers find yours, and he holds your hand and looks right into your eyes to properly convey his sincerity. “Y/N, I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner. You were just going through so much shit and I didn’t know if you were in the right headspace or if you were even serious about how you felt for me-”
He stops when you yank your hands away from him, using the back of your hands to wipe the tears streaming down your face. The shapes of his eyes turn into little crescents, petrified at your reactions. He removes your hands from your face, holding your wrists.
“Y/N, don’t cry. Please say something.”
“Jungkook, it’s too late. I-I don’t think I can do this- with you- I mean,” is all you’re able to say and Jungkook’s chest tightens impossibly.
His heart drops to your stomach, a crestfallen expression morphing onto his handsome features. “I-is that how you really feel?”
Another tear streams down your face and Jungkook itches to wipe it but suppresses that urge.
“I love you Jungkook. I do. I really do!” you cry out, “But I can’t date you, ever. I never want to lose you,” you sob between sniffles. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m sure of it!”
The situation is bitterly ironic. Jungkook spent months tiptoeing around his feelings, your feelings, because he wanted to ensure he was what you wanted. Even when you blatantly threw yourself at him, he made the conscious decision to not pursue you. He spent months deciding your feelings for you- and now you’re telling him you don’t want him and he can’t do anything but accept it.
“Y/N, you’ll never lose me. I’ll always be here. Even if you change your mind.. I’ll always be here.”
“Jungkook, I lost my whole family. You’re all I have left,” you explain, trailing off a little bit, “If I lose you then I have nobody.”
“No, I swear- Y/N, you’re it for me, and I mean it.”
You sniffle, wiping your cheeks, eyes, and nose once more. “What- hiccup- does that mean?”
“It means… whatever you want it to mean,” he concludes.
“Jungkook…” you trail off, “Don’t wait for me. If you find a girl you like, then you should go for her. All I want is for you to be happy. It’s what you deserve,” you offer him a soft smile, a direct juxtaposition to your tear stained cheeks.
His chest tightens at that and he shakes his head. “You’ll always be my priority. Me? I’ve dated enough girls, I can be single for the rest of my life.”
You immediately swat his chest at the sentiment. “No, Jungkook. You should be with someone who takes care of you, not someone you have to take care of all the time. I’ll just always be your family friend who had a stupid crush on you in college.” Your attempt to lighten the atmosphere is futile and makes Jungkook’s scowl deepen.
“You’re more than that to me. You’ll always be.” His hand latches onto yours, and you pull yourself from him.
“No Jungkook.. I’ve made up my mind. I really don’t think we could ever…” When your voice breaks and more tears accumulate in your waterline, Jungkook stops you, not wanting to cause you any more pain.
“I got it, Y/N. But just know I’ll always be here… in any way you’ll take me.”
READ PART 2 HERE
taglist: @babycandy111 @jk97bam @bellagrayson-wayne @honeeybunneey (can't be tagged), @talyaaas-blog , @jjeonjjk7 , @lovingkoalaface , @rvck0lover (can't be tagged), @kissyfacekoo , @dontcribuyabag (can't be tagged), @ash07128 , @cinnamonbambii , @jeon-ruby , @starlight-1010 , @hellbornsworld , @dodoneck, @papiibuprofen , @canyon-lwt , @appleh4ad , @screamertannie , @jeonjenny (can't be tagged), @ahgasegotarmy116 , @badaismygf (can't be tagged), @oopscoop , @gabsrecs , @hiii-priestess , @junniesoleilkth (can't be tagged) , @caro134340lina , @ellesalazar
#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fanfiction#bts jungkook fanfic#jungkook scenarios#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#bts jungkook angst#jungkook fic#jungkook imagines#jungkook drabbles#jungkook series#bts fanfic#bts scenarios#bts imagines
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
SVSSS fanfic that I will never write-
LBH post canon accidently goes back in time. How? I don’t know, it isn’t important. If I had to pick a stupid reason, then in PIDW had a storyline where LBH went back in time to a wife’s past to like… learn more about her? To help her in the trauma? IDK but what I do know is that Peerless Cucumber would have ranged for hours about Airplane adding in the concept of time travel and then doing nothing else’s with it.
And guess who the subject of the wife plot is now??? That’s right- SQQ. Except the wife plot took the body and not the soul, and now Binghe is back during SJ’s disciple days.
LBH somehow, as the main character, manages to convince the peak lords of the time that he’s of Qing Jing! He is, really! He really laid on the charm here.
Previous Sect leader: I don’t know if I believe you, but since you look like such a polite young man-
LBH gets escorted away to a room by the head disciple. And who is the head disciple of the sect leader peak??? It’s Yue Qi, sad and depressed and lifeless because LBH managed to find himself in the period of time where YQY thinks SJ is dead!
LBH: I want to meet my young Shizun. Shen Qingqiu- Shen Jiu I think now?
YQY: …. Xiao Jiu is dead?
LBH: Maybe in the future for like five years but not right now!! He’s my super awesome Shizun! …. Do you want to drop everything to go look for him?
YQY: Oh boy, do I!!!
So the two bounce from the sect with no warning, looking Shen Jiu. Luckily, now knowing that he is alive and didn’t die in the fire, it’s pretty easy to follow the line of gossip that follows WY and SJ. And of course, the entire time, LBH is praising his Shizun.
Now, he hasn’t said that he was married to his Shizun. He didn’t want to spoil that just yet! He’ll reveal that to his younger Shizun himself when they find him. But until then, he can still tell YQY how awesome his Shizun is, and how nice, and how close he was to SQH and LQG and even to YQY himself! (That last one was a bit of a fib, of course. SQQ was always a little uncomfortable around the sect leader. But YQY was eating all of this up, being so happy that his childhood friend was so happy and well liked, and well…. It was only a small fib)
They finally catches up with them, and quickly dealing with the other guy, YQY and SJ have a nice reunion, having both think the other was dead! And of course, it was incredibly clear that YQY had been looking for SJ this whole time, which does wonders for his abandonment issues. SJ may yell at YQY for leaving the sect so suddenly and risking everything just for him, but on the inside, he is bursting for joy, trust me.
LBH is not bursting for joy. Like, at all. He had been so excited to see his Shizun but young and now that he’s here…. Something inside of him and screaming that this wasn’t his Shizun.
He had no reason to believe that. This was very clearly SQQ at 14~. But of course, he’s the 200 IQ protagonist and figures it out quickly that his wonderful Shizun/husband took over his body when LBH was 14 and that this was his shitty Shizun that made his early years in the sect awful.
He’s fully ok with that. If his husband needs to possess another man to be with him, than who is LBH to judge? Only the best body for him! The problem is, of course, that he has spent the entire trip over ranting to YQY about how good of a teacher SQQ was to him, and now YQY is excitedly telling everything he said to SJ. LBH can’t just…. Back track now! That would be weird, and if they think that someone will possess SJ later, then what if his husband never shows up??
So he goes along with it. It isn’t hard- he doesn’t hate SJ, not like PIDW him would. He was only under him for three years~ and a lot of what happened to him was still being justified in his head. So it’s just… whatever, to him at that point. He confirms what YQY had been saying, spins a charismatic lie to the sect about why they left and how GREAT SJ will be as a disciple in the future, and then he leaves. Just, fades away in front of everyone.
And now this is SJ’s life. He thinks he’s a good Shizun in the future, even if he can’t stand kids. He think that he becomes friends with SQH and LQG, which is oddly hard to do?? LQG angrily wants to fight him every time he sees him, which is super annoying, and SJ is 88% sure that SQH is talking to demons but, you know. If another version of him managed to become their friend without future knowledge, then he has to do it now! He has a head start on the race here, no way is he losing it!
He does become friends with them, and is still incredibly close to YQY as they grow up. He’s still… him, but his major heart demons- the abandonment by his Qi-Ge and being unsafe even in the sect- aren’t there anymore. He even manages to be an ok Shizun to a young LBH, somehow. He’s pretty sure that he’s sucking at that, btw, because the little brat gets on his nerves when they are in the same room for more than five minutes, but he’s being mostly polite! He had to wonder what the other version of him did to get such a glowing review from the future version of his disciple, because it has to be more than this.
Ironically, because I think it’s funny, this is the timeline that our LBH finds himself back in. The time travel was always meant to be a stable one timeline kinda thing, so anything he changed in the past affected the future. I imagine in PIDW that LBG didn’t do much of anything but maybe comfort his future wife, for Airplane’s fear of making a confusing paradox for himself. But this Binghe? Oh no, he did so much!
Because he saved SJ some heart demons, and helped him make friends despite his trauma, he’s not as prone to Qi divinations! Which means that he didn’t have a fatal one when LBH was 14! Which means when LBH gets back to his time after all of that, he takes one look at his ‘Shizun’ and knows that this isn’t his husband. Which means that his husband never possessed SJ!
He’s horrified, and spends a whole day moping around the peak, trying to think of ways to fix this. He has just gotten himself worked up to go and do something drastic when NYY finds him.
NYY: There you are!! Shen-Shidi has been looking for you all day!
LBH: H-huh?
NYY: Why are you moping around, huh? Did you and Shen-Shidi have a fight? Don’t worry! He’s your husband, I know he’ll forgive you-!
LBH: WHAT.
And that’s how he learns that while he isn’t married to his Shizun in this timeline, he is married to his Shixiong, Shen Yuan! Shen Yuan, who got shoved in Willy nilly when the system realized that SJ wasn’t going to die when he was supposed to.
There’s probably some sequel where LBH has to fake that he has memories of what happened in this timeline, which I imagine is somewhat close to Svsss? The system was still running around, even if a major player has changed. And LBH would just be so bad at faking it in front of two people and two people only- SJ and SY.
SY: Binghe, don’t you remember our first date? :)
LBH: …It wasn’t the water prison!
SY: ….that statement is correct but also the wrong answer.
And
SJ: Beast, you’re not coming to this Immortal Convenance. Don’t you remember meber what happened last time?
LBH: …. You didn’t push me into the endless abyss?
SJ:… That statement is wrong and I was also going for the HHP tag alongs you obtained.
#svsss#svsss au#time travel#fanfic concept#luo binghe#shen yuan#shen jiu#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#liu qingge#shang qinghua#ning yingying
707 notes
·
View notes
Text
This bitter life.
pairing: Blade x g/n!reader
Part 1, Part 2.
Summary: Life is not fair, that is the truth every being must accept. Yet, there’s a part in Blade’s mara-struck mind, that he cannot accept this type of ending, he will not allow it, but he has no right to deny fate itself.
In other words, you die and he’s miserable.
Cw. It’s very fluffy trust me, Reader is absolutely fucked, you die, unrequited requited love, not proofread, really slowburn, character development, terminally ill, ansgt only bcoz fluff is for the weak, life is unfair.
A/n: You already know what it means when I upload a fanfic. If you don’t, my only warning is, shit’s going down.
(wrote this bc bladie won the poll for my other fic of which character u guys want a fic for next 🥳)
For all of Blade’s life, life has always been and will always be truly and utterly miserable.
If he were asked to recount the many times he wished he just died, he would lose count. From a promising life with the high-cloud quintet, from being the renowned crafter of weapons, to being just Blade. His pain does not give him the liberty to dream of a future, he does not have the privilege to close his eyes and dream of his youth when he is only constantly plagued with the thousands of screams who scream his name.
For a man who does not have the right to love, the right to dream and wish for death, just this once, the Aeons were kind enough to give him you.
He met you in unforeseen circumstances, he was gravely injured after another fight with some soldiers on some planet. Blade knows that he won’t die now, but he feels like dying. His stomach slashed by a poison so advanced it eats him from inside out, but oh how kind of the gods to bless him you.
”Hey, stay awake!” It was the first time in his life he’s heard a desperate cry, not out of fear for your life, but for his.
You did not know him, neither did he know you but it was like second nature to protect him.
The destroyer of worlds, the monster from the Stellaron hunters, the exiled one, you only saw a dying man.
He felt a damp cloth pressing on his stomach, “Please hang on.” Just who were you to tell him what to do? You just had to be there at that exact moment. Through blurry eyes, he could not make out what your face looked like, not like he could ever remember.
Blade could remember your voice, it was loud yet soothing, then he felt bandages wrap around his torso as someone carried him. He lost consciousness that night.
His eyes flutter open, was he really that weak to fall under the influence of that poison?
“You’re awake.”
He groans and sits up, his spine hurts like hell. “Who the hell are you?”
”Hey buddy, no need for hostility, I’m the one who saved your life.” His eyes follow you when you roll your eyes at him, ignoring his shit and jotting down whatever on your clipboard.
He stays silent when you come closer to him, your face getting a little too close than his liking, “Can you say ahh?”
Blade hesitates but he obliges, for the first time in his life, to a stranger, something in him tells him to trust you. “Ahh…”
You turn on your penlight and point it at his throat before sliding it back into your pockets, “Good, good” Blade doesn’t know what you’re doing when you stare in his eyes for 2 minutes, must be you inspecting something.
”You’re all fine, I’m surprised that you heal fast. Anyone who takes in such poison and exceeds 4 doses would die in an instant.” He thinks you’re weird.
…
In just 3 days, Blade was out of the hospital, Kafka tracked down where he was and was relieved when she found out Blade was alright.
“You’re really reckless, Bladie.”
Blade only scoffs hearing her words, it may be the truth but who cares? Certainly not him.
Just as the two were leaving the hospital for good, you followed him.
”You…” He saw you panting and gripping your knees from the exhaustion of chasing him down, he left without even informing the nurses.
He doesn’t know why you followed him, “Can I atleast have your name?”
Kafka blinks in surprise before turning away, as if she wasn’t witnessing whatever bullshit was going down.
”Excuse me?”
”Your name.”
”Why do I have to tell you?”
”I saved your life for fucks sake!”
Blade rolls his eyes, narrowing his eyes at you but he just gives up, “Fine, Blade.”
”What?”
”Do I have to repeat myself?”
He’s really mean, but he doesn’t scare you, which surprises him. You don't flinch at his words, but whatever. He thinks that he won’t have to see you again. (You almost crack up a laugh, who the fuck name's their child Blade?)
You don’t push him any further and let him leave, you want to learn more about him.
So for the following days, you ask people if they knew who that ‘Blade’ was, where did he work at, what he truly was because which idiot would end up wounded in a ditch at a place that’s practically considered a warzone in your planet. Not only that, but you were also intrigued and curious about his ability to heal fast and resist the poison.
You don’t find any information regarding that strange man, but one thing’s for sure, he’s dangerous.
Like clockwork, Blade comes again to the planet “Clove-V” to exterminate some pests because some idiot decided to mess with the Stellearon hunters. Gut a soldier, gain information, leave– is what he’s supposed to do.
Blade stares at the bloodied sword of his, “This goddamn poison again.”
He feels weak, clutching his stomach and he needs to leave before anyone catches up on him again. So he leaves the building only to drop unconscious.
Again, he is back to that familiar hospital room where he was just a few weeks ago.
”You’re back.” You scrunch your nose again, the squeaky writing on the clipboard hurting his ears.
He’s too tired to say something snarky, but he sighs in annoyance.
”You look worse than last time,” his gaze never leaves you when you come closer to inspect his throat and eyes like last time, “How do you keep getting in situations like these?”
He stays quiet, but you keep persisting with him to give you an answer.
Was he an assassin? A murderer?! One of the IPC slaves– no, no, he looks different from them, a little too proper (but bloodied), maybe from the Xianzhou luofu? So when you heal his wounds, you can’t help but ask, “Are you a murderer?”
Must you really force an answer out of him?
”Do I not look like one?” Were you such a fool to ask such an obvious answer?
You sat back down on the comfort of the cushion chair, “I didn’t want to assume”
”Now you know.”
“Yeah.”
He’s curious, when you find out that he’s a murderer, you’re not afraid, you do not run away or distance yourself, “Why do you kill people?”
He stays silent again, you don’t know the specifics, but you know the answer.
“I’ll get going now,” clearing your throat, “Just use the call button if you need help, one of the nurses will attend to you.”
And again, for 2 days, he is out of the hospital.
“You really keep ending up in that hospital, don’t you?” Kafka laughs, throwing away the Blade’s admission.
As they left, he could see you staring at him from your office. It was embarrassing enough that he caught you watching him leave so intently, Blade saw the curtains immediately close.
Again and again, he keeps getting wound up in that same hospital, might as well be stuck there forever.
”I’m no longer surprised you’re here again Blade.” It’s weird, when his name slips out from your lips, it sounds less scary (people often associate his name with fear and murder, but you call him like he’s any other man)
8 visits to your clinic, you might as well be his personal doctor.
“I know you’re a murderer but do you constantly have to be injured every month? I’m starting to think you’re getting injured just to see me.”
“You’re getting ahead of yourself.” He scoffs.
”I was merely jesting.”
He cocks his head to the side, he sees you more often than he meets with Sam. You turn on your penlight again, unlike his first visit, he obliges without putting up a fight.
“Nothing unusual, you’re good to go.” You speak in between coughs, which surprises Blade. Lately, you were sicker than usual, pale and run-down.
”Are you okay?”
”Excuse me?”
”Nevermind.”
He should mind his own business, this is strictly a patient and doctor relationship. But he can’t help but wonder, if you looked that sick, shouldn’t you be on leave? You leave his hospital room without a word, he’s still curious.
He left, but this time, he didn’t see you looking out from your office window to watch where he was going.
Months pass by, by now he would’ve forgotten about you. But in the back of his head, he’s still wondering how are you? It isn’t for him to inquire about your personal life. He is still tempted to know more about you, so, he ends up wounded on that planet again (much to silverwolf’s dismay, he was supposed to be on a different mission)
He wakes up again in that hospital room, your coughs were loud enough to wake him up, “You keep coming back, I should just give you medicine so you don’t have to always end up here”
In truth, he just wanted to see you. It was unlike him to think about someone this much but he can’t help but be curious (worried, but he would never admit that.)
He felt the back of your palm press on his forehead, good thing he didn’t have a fever, “Your temperature’s okay.” He is worried, you speak in between coughs he could barely register your words. For a moment when you touched his skin, he felt his mara quelled, even for just a mere second.
“I want to ask, who are you really?” He’s taken by surprise by your question, something he expected but not one he expected now.
”I’m a stellaron hunter.” Oh.
A stellaron hunter, huh? “Why did you become one?”
He asks himself, why did he become one? Other than for when that day comes, he will be free, he will die. He can’t form a full answer, “I don’t know.” It’s better to give an answer, to lie, rather than be someone who cannot answer such a simple question.
“I see.” But you see through him, but you’re not close enough to him to question him about who he truly is. So you’ll know him through medicine, you’ll heal him to get to know who he is if he cannot give you a clear answer.
You gave him your name, because after 9 visits, he should know your name already. “What?”
”My name.”
He nods along, he’ll make sure to not forget it. You were sure he’s okay now, his vitals are back to normal, but before you leave, he calls out your name.
“You…” There was a look of confusion on your face, “Nevermind” He wanted to ask about your health, why were you still working? By seeing your current health, you’re close to death at this point. But he keeps his concerns to himself; after all, what does he know of you other than a doctor?
But even months pass by, he still wants to understand you. You do not look at him with contempt unlike his victims, and even if he had visited 12 times now, you did not seem annoyed; maybe even thrilled with the company.
He does not care for hobbies or games, he’s not like silverwolf whose life revolves around games and other things, he’s not like kafka who takes pleasure in playing with her food (her victims), he’s definitely not gentle and kind like Firefly.
So Blade does not understand why you’re fond of things like these, a monopoly board? Really? It’s stupid, very. But it’s the only way you two can understand each other, even if it means wasting time like this.
You rolled a 6 and landed on a community chest, “God damn it.”
He squints his eye when you got a card that said ‘Go to jail’, what the fuck was this game even about? “I don’t get this game”
He really doesn’t, but he rolls another and lands on some unclaimed property and buys it, “No shit, but you’re a lucky bastard.”
“I don’t get why we’re playing this stupid game, even checkers seem more appealing.” Finally getting out of jail, you rolled a 5 and landed on his property, going bankrupt. “You know what? Fuck this game.”
He doesn’t even understand how he won, he’d much prefer if you two read in silence or something. “That was a stupid game”
“You’re stupid.”
”Excuse me?”
Then you two go at it and fight again, but it was fun. The most fun he’s had in years (as if he ever knew what fun truly is)
But life is not kind, time is limited and you cannot trade gems or blood for 5 more minutes. He’s known that rule all his life, to never get attached ever again because he’ll be miserable, he’ll lose himself the way he lost who he truly was when he was still Yingxing. Yet, humans will always be humans; mortals, immortals, they are the same. And he is no exception.
After his 23rd visit for the past 2 years– going 3, he remembers small details about you. You studied at this university for a few extra years because you kept getting a failing grade, you like roping him up in stupid games (you tried to make him play twister once, it was you who got a twisted ankle), you like reading and everything else.
For all his cursed, miserable life, he slowly found reason, a part of him feels human again.
“You don’t look good.”
A stifled cough escaped you, “You think?”
You were on sick leave, he found out where you lived after asking forcing one of the nurses where you lived. Blade found you on the couch, sprawled with only a thin blanket covering you. He doesn’t care for anyone, just this once, though, just this once.
”Have you eaten yet?” It makes you laugh at how caring he is, the most unexpected side of him, after all.
You shook your head, “No.”
A cough seized you so suddenly, Blade’s worries did not go away. He doesn’t know how to cook, much less how to take care of a person.
”You have a fever,” he hands you a glass of water, but it was not enough to ease your pain.
You wish to close your eyes, but even the small contracting of your muscles ache, when you drink, it hurts, when you move, it hurts. It hurts to live at this point but you endure, “Why did you come?”
“I had to.”
”Why exactly?”
”Just shut up and let me take care of you.”
You could only faintly chuckle at his words when he gets a warm cloth to put it on your forehead, “What else do I do?”
Nighttime came but he has not left yet, he can’t leave just yet, “Tell me.”
There was no use, whatever he did would not help you get through with this illness of yours. “Just tell me.” You did not have the energy to argue or talk, but he did not get the hint so he continued to pester you for an answer.
”Can you please stop talking? I need to sleep.”
”Fine.”
Tomorrow came, only Blade was right beside you, staring intently at you; a part of him afraid you won’t wake up again.
”You’re awake.” Blade always had that nonchalant expression, but his eyes were heavy with worry. Were you dreaming or was he really right beside you and worried for your well being? A part of you wished you still were, having company is the best when you’re ill.
You coughed softly, “Yes.”
Why didn’t he leave? Was he worried? You must be insane to think that way, he is just your old patient who just so happened to always end up in the hospital under your care.
The man in front of you sat beside you and stared at you for a while, not knowing what to do, “What do I do next?”
Ah. He rarely shows emotion on his face but his pupils dilate for a split second, you can’t die but you were so close to dying, he’s no doctor, he has no expertise in taking care of anyone but for just this moment he wished he did.
“Just keep me company.” He nods.
Note: cries cries cries bc the full fic is so long i have to make it into 2 parts :((( im abt to post part 2 pls pls wait 😔😔😔
Written by @khuzena. Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. ♡
#what have i done#honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x you#hsr fluff#hsr x reader#honkai star rail angst#blade smut#blade x reader#blade x gender neutral reader#blade fluff#blade angst#honkai star rail fluff#hsr angst#hsr
104 notes
·
View notes
Text
There's something I don't see talked about enough in the SVSSS fandom.
The System.
I just received a comment on one of my fics - which has post-canon SQQ and SQH able to still use social media - suggesting that it would be very easy for people in the real world to point out that these characters using fake accounts to post on real life social media sites would easily be doxxed and the System would have no ability to do anything about that.
Something I have noticed among a lot of people who read this particular book is that not a lot of consideration is given to the very thing orchestrating everything. We often think of the system as a ridiculous guide or rule book that exists solely to give the protagonist what he wants/deserves. We don't really approach it for what it is.
This was my reply to that comment:
Doubt it. The System is able to kidnap people from their worlds and place them in other worlds and bodies in those worlds as punishment. And if you don't do as it wants, to the specification it doesn't directly detail, it can send your soul to an alternate version of the present world to be tortured in another body. I sincerely doubt an abstract, otherworldly being like that, which never receives consequences for anything it does because there is apparently nothing that can canonically challenge it, is going to be threatened by doxxing. If it can create things, link universes together, steal souls, and can be anywhere at any time, I wouldn't expect it to be incapable of manipulating people's perception.
I even mentioned how in this fic, it WILL erase SQQ's sister's memories if he chooses to reveal his identity to her, but it becomes too much for her to handle. This suggests it has power anywhere and can do whatever it wants. So, in my mind, if someone actually tried to doxx their accounts, it's either going to lead nowhere, lead to somewhere fake, or the info will be stripped from their lives entirely the moment they find anything/nothing.
It was a very nitpicky kind of comment in my opinion, which warranted this response, but my response just made me realize that the System is effectively an amortal, omnipresent, and omnipotent Entity. It literally doesn't go away. We even think it's over and the Extras tell us, via SQH, that it's still there and still in control.
Think about it.
Think about every single thing that happened because of the System's actions or demands. It literally never faces consequences because there is nothing that could hope to punish it. I've only read 1 fic where higher beings step in to punish the System for kidnapping, coercing, and torturing innocent people for its amusement.
Because that IS something it can do. With ease. And seems all too happy to do.
The System is very dangerous and it's weird how this is something people forget when reading fanfics. SVSSS is the kind of book where crack ideas can work in the frame of the canon story because a character like SQH exists. Because he wrote PIDW with every single plothole and contrived story beat for the sake of money and survival, we can have the weirdest shit happen and blame it on his lack of imagination when writing PIDW. It doesn't need in-depth nitpicking to make it make sense. MXTX gave us a very large and generous sandbox to play in.
You don't need to rationalize a crack plot. And you should always keep in mind that canonically, the System is a terrifying Entity capable of outrageous things. It shouldn't be the deal-breaker that the Entity that kidnaps, gaslights, coerces, tortures, and manipulates people is capable of fantastical feats in a fanfic.
102 notes
·
View notes
Note
I have noticed that there is a weird contradiction in fandom in which swaths of it do not like the Jedi Order(tm) but like a lot of individual Jedi who have dedicated their lives to it (Obi-Wan being the biggest example for me personally but also Luke, Plo Koon, Ahsoka, whoever) so that means that the genuine love, pride, and importance that the Jedi has for them is completely erased or even devalued in a lot of fanon. No offense to other people's personal head canons but as far as I'm concerned, Obi-Wan would neva denounce or go against the Jedi Order for anyone or anything short of the whole Council falling to the dark side in some monstrous Palpatine scheme, he simply Would Not Do That.
At a certain point, there forms a pretty consistent pattern of how so many of these Jedi that we love individually are pillars of their community, they're often well respected, placed in positions of authority in both the structure of the Jedi Order and in the narrative itself (people going to them for advice and the tone of the scene is that they're giving heartfelt advice) or even that they're on the Council itself.
At a certain point, there forms a pretty consistent pattern of how these characters are shown to be upholding Jedi values and living their life dedicated to being a Jedi of the Jedi Order, that they're not dissatisfied with it, but instead are active participants in it and leaders of their people.
Obi-Wan Kenobi and Plo Koon and Kit Fisto and Depa Billaba are probably the four biggest examples of Jedi who are beloved--and all four of them are on the High Council and shown to be leaders of their people, who shape Jedi reactions, who are shown to love their people.
Each of them has had moments of expressing that mistakes happen, that they're not perfect, they think other things should be done, but that at the end of the day, they're Jedi and they want to be Jedi of the Jedi Order. Even Luke, until he's in his depressive funk (that is said, via word of god, to have been Luke projecting personal failure into religion's failure) has always been shown to want to be a Jedi, to uphold Jedi values and ways.
These are characters who genuinely find value in dedicating their lives to the Force and to their path as a Jedi and it's fine to not like the Jedi, I can't and won't stop people who disagree with me about it (I will make my case why I think racism and bias plays into a lot of it, but even then I'm making my case in my own lane, if you block me and never sneak onto my blog to read my posts, you'll never see me), I can't and won't stop other people from writing what they want about fictional characters in fanfic or whatever, but also there does come a point where it's a very consistent pattern that these Jedi we like are ones who just Would Not Say That.
Obi-Wan is shown as, in nearly every piece of media he's ever been in, that he loves and supports the Jedi Order. Even when he said he would leave the Jedi Order, it wasn't because he wanted to walk away from them, but because he might personally have another path. You cannot divorce that moment from the massive scope of his larger story where he teaches both Anakin and Luke about Jedi values and tries to guide them on their Jedi path.
Characters should have their own personalities, they sometimes say/do things that we disagree with and we can still like them, even if we disagree with what they're saying!
Though, I will give fandom this: As a serial "I have read/mentally played out soooooo many scenarios where He Would Not Say That except He Is Going To Say That Because It Makes My Id Happy" enjoyer, I will never judge anyone for playing to their id. That's what one of the major points of fandom is even for--we're here to scratch that itch of "oooh brain go BRRRRRR when I make them say this". We have to let these people (by which I mean, you have to let me 😂) have their space for this, but also these people (by which I again mean me) have to recognize that sometimes we're playing to our ids and that's fine. (But also sometimes maybe be willing to think outside our id to see what biases we're playing into, even while recognizing fiction is not 1:1 to reality, like it's all a balancing game and each person is unique to what they feel they should do.)
108 notes
·
View notes
Text
DAN FENG - Tethering The Sky and Reaching For Heaven
ꜱᴛᴀʀʀɪɴɢ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ
↳ 『honkai: star rail』dan feng/imbibitor lunae/yinyue jun (ugh can he stop having so many names??? it makes tagging a complete nightmare) x gn!reader
ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ
↳ parting ways with silly dragon guy before he reincarnates and dies idk idgaf abt his backstory 👍👍👍
𑁍 ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.0k
ɴᴏᴛᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ
↳ surprise!!!! yet another short fanfic abt a long haired man! anyways happy early 1.3! i wish everyone a very e6 lynx and good luck on whoever you’re pulling for. ALSO HOW TF DO YOU DO CHINESE DIMINUTIVES/HONOURIFICS IN X READER FICS??? 阿Y/N???? OR MAYBE IN PINYIN??? a’y/n or ah’y/n??? OR WOULD IT BE LIKE 阿[the first character of your name] LMFAO
“What do you mean ‘you’re leaving?’ Where are you going?” You ask, taking a step closer to him, trying in vain to figure him out.
“We won’t see each other again. I’ve… done something horrible.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“…It’s not our main concern as of now. I’m sure my punishment will come for me soon. I don’t know how much time I have left with you.”
“Okay, what’s going on? I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’ll understand soon. I’d just like to spend one final moment with you.” Dan Feng grabs ahold of your hands, his grip almost painful as his fingers lock with yours.
“Are you… You don’t love me anymore?” A thousand thoughts rush through your head, yet none of them makes sense. “Do you want to see other people?”
“No, no, no. Of course not. That’s not what I meant. I meant that…” He pauses, concentrating. “We don’t have much time left.”
“But what does that-“
“Forget it. Would you just follow me, 心肝? Humour me. Please.” Your eyebrows furrow at the odd hypocorism. Before you can answer him, Dan Feng is leading you towards the dock. Bright yellow ginkgo leaves drift down from the sky, signalling a change in the year as they fall. There’s a scent in the early autumn air, and it reeks of… gloom; fraught with melancholy and a lingering anxiety that seems to cling to you. It whispers into your ear sweet serenades, singing a cacophony of incoming danger. The signal of change grows to a warning.
“Why are we heading towards the water?”
“Please, 亲爱的. Do not question me right now. Just… let us have a simple conversation. Would that be alright?” He sighs as the two of you exit the main area of the Alchemy Commission.
“I guess… You’re acting weird, you know that?” you sigh. “How was your day?”
“Great. And yours?” He answers a little too quickly.
“It’d be better if I knew what was happening.” Dan Feng turns his head to look back at you, a million words he wants to say are hidden behind his watery eyes.
Your shoe gets stuck in a crack in the stone walkway as you’re busy staring at him. You stop to pull it out but Dan Feng yanks on you, your shoe slipping off of your foot as he continues walking.
“Hey, wait! 枫仔! My shoe!” He doesn’t let go, his hand shaking in yours with a sense of urgency. “How am I supposed to walk without it?” You hop on a single foot, trying to keep up with his pace. In response, he picks you up into a bridal carry, cradling you like a parent would for their child.
“O-oh. Uh… okay. I guess I don’t mind…” You look up at his trembling jaw. Whatever’s going on, it must be very important to Dan Feng. If only he’d spit it out already so that you could offer your comfort. But the most you can offer right now is a small kiss. You bring your head up, pressing your lips against his cheek before resting your head back down on his forearm. The display of affection causes Dan Feng to stop in his tracks, but he quickly starts walking again.
“I...” He clears his throat, a light blush blossoming on his face. “That… means a lot to me right now. Thank you.”
“It’s the least I could offer you, 枫仔. You look so sad… Tell me what’s wrong.” He looks towards the horizon and the setting sun, a forlorn expression painting his face. The shadows of the evening light leave him looking especially somber. For a moment, he wants to tell you the whole truth. But he holds himself back to spare your feelings.
“I’m going somewhere. And… I won’t be returning. I am sorry, [name]. Truly. I do not wish to part ways but…” He looks down at you. A tear drips off of his face and onto yours. “There is nothing to be done about it. I… wouldn’t have done it if I realized the consequences sooner.”
“You’re… not joking. Would you tell me where you’re going? And when? Why are you being so vague?” You still couldn’t grasp the concept.
“亲爱的，you would hate me if I told you the whole truth. I could not leave knowing that you despised me. But… I’m sure you’ll find out soon when the news gets out.” Dan Feng looks back up towards the sky. You follow his gaze towards a few clouds that are coloured a hue of red from the sunset.
“I love you dearly. I apologize… I have forgone our future and forsaken you. Please remember me as someone you loved, and not a traitor to the Luofu.”
“Er… okay…? You’re really leaving?”
“Yes, I am afraid so…”
“…I love you too. Wherever you’re going, don’t forget that, okay? I… I really can’t believe it. I’m not gonna see you again. Ever…? Will you come visit me?”
“That is not possible, I fear. Though I wish more than anything that I could.”
The two of you reach the harbour. Dan Feng sets you down on the wooden planks and takes a seat beside you, dipping his legs into the water.
“Your pants are gonna be soaked, 笨蛋!”
“I am aware of that fact.” He pays you no mind, looking on into the horizon again. You gently hold is hand in yours.
“This… this is it? The last time I’ll see you? And we’re just… staring at nothing in complete silence?”
“You are speaking right now, [name].”
“What did you even do?” He glances at you. But as you make eye contact, he can’t seem to look away.
“…What are you doing?”
“You ask so many questions, 亲亲. I prefer it when you’re asleep. You’re much cuter in bed, too.” Dan Feng lightens up a little, a smile on his face as he teases you. “I’m just…” He shakes his head, as if to get himself out of a daze. “I’m just trying to remember your face. I need to make sure I don’t forget it…” His expression returns to how it was before, desolate and heartbroken.
“Make me a promise, 亲亲.”
“Go on.”
“We will meet in my next lifetime. And… we will live out a future that we could not have in this one.” He holds out his pinky finger and you take it.
“Sounds nice. I’ll hold you to it, Dan Feng.”
ask before translating, taking inspo from (not copy), reposting, etc. my work. remember to credit me and if you’re taking inspo from it, please @ me as I’d like to see what you do with my ideas!
#dan feng#honkai star rail#honkai: star rail#dan feng x reader#yinyue jun#yinyue jun x reader#imbibitor lunae#imbibitor lunae x reader#.forestfics ☆
188 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey! i’ve seen you reblog a few posts from proshippers/posts tagged as proship and i just wanted to let you know in case its not on purpose!
I need some of you youngsters to please listen carefully to what I'm about to say because it might open your eyes to a very important concept- when I say ship and let ship I mean I don't give two fucks about what people read in fanfiction because it's all fake. Made up characters in a made up scenario with made up things happening.
Your christian-based concept that thought is equal to action isn't true. You can THINK whatever the hell you want do long as your actions don't cause a problem. A creepy old man can look at a young lady and THINK all the nasty things he wants. So long as he does not take those thoughts and turn them to actions, he's fine. He might want to go see a therapist but at the end of the day thoughts are just thoughts. Standing on the edge of a cliff and thinking "wow if someone pushed someone off this they'd die" doesn't mean you want to push someone off a cliff.
PLEASE separate the concept that thought and action are the same thing.
Even if the topic is a taboo topic, even if it's something you would never in a million years agree with, it's still fake at the end of the day.
I don't personally want to read about canibalism, but its not my job or my right to force other people to never write about that stuff. Policing other people's writing and policing the "goodness" or "badness" of the content they write is not my job and it's not anyone else's. Your morality is yours and yours alone. What you find taboo and never want to think about might just be a weird enjoyable read to someone else. Just like kinks or even random topics, you cannot cater to everyone and trying to force a moral purity in written fiction is just ailly. They're made up. No matter how much you want Azirphale and Crowly to be real no matter how much you are desperate for Percy Jackson to have real feelings, they aren't and he can't. They're not real and they never will be so nothing that happens to them, no matter how fucked up, really matters.
And that's all it is and all they will ever be. A bunch of taboo topics and events done to made up people.
I don't want to read about incest but I'm not going to stop people from writing fanfics about the supernatural brothers doing the nasty. I'm also not going to go out of my way to look for it or tell people to stop because it's all fake. Its not supporting it. It's made up pretend space.
I sit here throwing made up characters into Bad Situations that would be horrible if they were real people. But they're not. They're fake people with fake things happening to them and it's fun to write and fun to read. I torment my characters all the time. I made Virgil go through so much emotional trauma in APP and no one bats an eye because it's fake. Please apply the same critical thinking to the rest of written everything.
Proshipper literally means that a person should have the freedom to write what they want and read what they want because morality has nothing to do with fiction. It does not make you morally a bad person to enjoy a taboo subject in written form. This goes for ALL taboo subjects. People reading greusome murder mysteries don't go out and murder people. The same thing applies to the other taboo subjects. People writing about weird incest ships aren't going to go out and do the incest thing.
If they are it has nothing to do with the fiction and everything to do with that specific person.
Thought and action are not the same thing.
Allowing everyone to write what they want without gatekeeping based on morality is a good thing. We would not have lgbtqia+ stories if the morality policing of Christian values dictated what we are allowed and not allowed to write.
Please understand that I saying all this as a teaching tool. You might be super icked out by certain topics and that's natural and normal and ok. I am too! Everyone is! But what we have to do is be tolerant of the ideas that writing taboo subjects and being a proshipper isnt a bad thing. Also enjoying taboo subjects in written form doesn't make you somehow evil, ok?
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Penacony brainrot is so real, here are some thoughts:
this place is Alice in Wonderland meets Las Vegas, like I always got Vegas vibes (and a bit of early micky mouse honestly) but actually playing the story gave such Alice in Wonderland vibes. The meme? The Jabberwocky. Misha? That boy gives such white rabbit vibes. Is Black Swan the Cheshire cat? Now that i think about it, ya.
Sunday, the bird man, he may be surrounded in holy imagery but ohhhh boy are the thoughts he gives me anything but holy (this is a half joke, but i seriously can't wait to see more of him)
I DON'T THINK FIREFLY AND ROBIN ARE DEAD! There, I said it finally. This theory has been eating at me. The meme has an attack that puts your characters in a "dead" state that allows revival, and the exact same animation for that attack plays during Firefly's death. Also it doesn't make sense to kill a character before running their banner, so I think those girls are coming back.
Sam. I like Sam. And Aventurine. Aventurine's design reminds me a lot of Luka from the company that shall not be named. Honestly all of the Penacony characters bring something I adore in characters, that glitzy overconfidence of a gambler who knows his stuff, that twisted salvation, ect.
Also, I don't think people really sleep in Penacony, none of the guest rooms have beds. I think maybe Penacony natives might have a real bed, because the idea that their options are dream world or napping in weird spots seems odd, but they might not. (It did give me a fun idea for a fanfic of a character that forces themselves to nap outside of the dreamscape because they suffer from chronic nightmares and don't want to become dependent on the dreamscape)
I have two thought on Sampo, the first is what the hell was that dream and why do those damn trash cans hit so hard.
Next, everyone was sure he was a masked fool, and lo and behold they were right. However, I would like to turn your attention to Black Swan's character quest. Firstly, something is coming to Jarilo VI, something so big it is cause SAMPO to take action. Sampo, who is known for skirting AROUND conflict, is putting himself in someone else's hands (someone he explicitly states he isn't too fond of) to take action. I don't doubt he'll stay behind the scenes, he isn't the kind of person to work in the spotlight, but whatever is coming has concerned him enough to ACT. This isn't a testament to how he feels about the planet, this is a testament to the oncoming danger. EDIT TO ADD- the reason i don't say this is a testament to how much Sampo cares about the people of Jarilo VI is because of how much he trusts them to handle themselves. He cares about them yes, but by taking action he's saying he doesn't think they can handle whatever's coming on their own even with the recent reconnection with the IPC and working to recover their old technology.
All this is to say WHEN IS THE NEXT UPDATE, please, god, feed me story.
#anime devil's thoughts#honkai star rail#hsr#penacony spoilers#honkai star rail spoilers#hsr sampo#sampo koski#hsr firefly#hsr robin
74 notes
·
View notes
Note
Did Luz ever believed that she could save Belos?
I think the bigger question is whether or not Luz ever CONSIDERED that she could save Belos.
Remember, in the first episode, she shoves a pack of fireworks directly into a dude's mouth. She sicks the cubes against the crunch publisher and then just leaves. She lets Willow do whatever she wants to the monster hunters. She straight up leaves Tibbles to be eaten by his miniature pets now that they're full size. Etc. etc. Luz is not exactly someone who seems to even question what she should do to an enemy, let alone their humanity versus her own.
This isn't even a complaint about her but just kind of a fact. I don't mind that she doesn't care about her villains. It admittedly places her mindset more on the axis of the Isles which actually isn't great for her ever disagreeing with them. It's why stuff like her clearing out Eda's cheat box honestly feels weird because her morality in general is pretty close to gray but she is clearly framed as morally better than the majority of the Isles, especially early on. It's just... Not really true by her actions. Remember, by episode three she's already sneaking out for her own self glory and on mass lying to get into the school she wants and only one of those required any pushing from others to do.
It also makes the jabs at SU kind of weird because like... The show never cared about its villains before now. The fact that they're not dead is mostly because Luz just leaves them to other people or can't kill them. She's just not that sort of protagonist. I mean, she fucking branded Belos back in King's Tide as a way to make sure everyone with a brand didn't die... Which you know, kind of means HE'S going to die. She literally uses his life as a trump card to get him to do as she wants. It's part of why people laud that moment as Luz being clever because even if the way she does it is bullshit, the idea is sound.
The ONLY exceptions to this are Amity and Hunter but... Only kind of. In the episodes where they are true antagonists, she has no way to actually fight back against them, ending up leaving both unscathed as she has to use trickery or just run for it. Then they're not primary antagonists but instead people in tension with Luz which is different. Luz is shown their humanity and suddenly gives them a chance. Why is a good question and uh... The fact that of her villains, these are the only two conventionally attractive, white people who she might want to date is NOT GREAT. To put it mildly. Especially when in their third proper episode together, Luz is stating that she'll befriend Amity explicitly as part of fulfilling narrative tropes. And if you want to say Kikimora disproves this: She doesn't. Luz explicitly helps Kikimora to prove a selfish point. If she wasn't freaking out about her own family, she'd have likely left Kiki to rot. It's not like she exactly ever tries again with the little demon after all.
No, for the VAST majority of villains, you fuck with Luz, Luz will fuck your shit up. It's honestly weird that it takes Luz so long during Winging it Like Witches to decide to go the violent route on Boscha, which I just assume is so she doesn't end up back in detention or expelled. Or because she thinks Boscha can and will kick her ass if she tries something like that on her own. But yeah, Luz isn't some sort of cinnamon roll. In fact, I think a lot of people's interpretations of Luz are much more based on what her archtype appears to be than what her actual character is (myself included while I was writing fanfic for the show). She's introduced as the quirky, nice girl in the first episode and she's not SUPER far away from it, that is the closest to an archtype she has besides just kind of morally questionable teenager, if she has really any archtype or structural base to her character. You know, besides audience surrogate and thus kind of bland and non-committal in order to serve that.
She has a couple interests but 99% of the time can keep them reigned in. Sure she knows what fanfic is but that just means she spends literally anytime online/with fandom. Her energy is cute but very erratic for it showing up... At all. Her kindness is extremely limited and she honestly just isn't that quirky. She has one series she supposedly obsesses about but quotes at most half a dozen times in the show which makes it more a character quirk than a defining characteristic.
It's kind of part of why Luz doesn't grow because the series seems to spend a LOT of time trying to figure out what Luz is. Is she a morally questionable teenager? Is she an excitable goof? Is she the moral center or the one having to learn morals? And yes, a character can absolutely serve several roles and be flexible. I think she actually does that well in the first half of the series where she shifts a bit for the sake of other characters' stories, which is one option for your main character. You know, before her narrative role changes and they get a VERY firm idea of who she is siiiiiiiigh but it's still weird with how they did it.
It makes so much of what we're told and what people latch onto end up feeling contradictory. As an example: Her being bullied. We only get maybe three moments in the entire series that even hint at her having any sort of bad experience with other people, let alone kids her own age. It informs nothing about how she behaves or her character. She could have just been a normal kid most people left alone and nothing would change. So this element, that so many agree universally on, is just... Almost purely fanon and the moments it comes up in canon are really awkward and just don't make much sense with literally EVERYTHING ELSE she does.
It makes her getting a shapeshifter as her palisman ironically make a lot of sense. Her character has always just been what's convenient for the writers and what others project on her. A lot of her canon character just isn't used a lot. Instead, people opt for what the fandom says about her.
And that version might have considered saving Belos. Might have thought taking a life actually mattered. But canon Luz is just worried about becoming the bad guy. That this is the start of her villain arc, not that she is finally having to murder someone. Just that her justifications might make people say she's like the villain in her story.
Because canon Luz never considered if Belos should live. Not from the second it inconvenienced her back in Hollow Mind. Earlier with what he did to Eda if you want to be REALLY generous, even though she never acts on what Belos did to Eda. She only becomes a revolutionary once she can't have magic cloak because of it.
Almost like Luz isn't the morally good person that the show told us she was. She's just a selfish teenager which can be a lot of fun, so long as you own up to that being your character. Shame TOH never did.
======+++++======
As a note: This blog is actually a LARGE part of why I stopped really being able to write Luz. I literally had a moment writing this one off where I went "Luz wouldn't do this. This is too nice and understanding." It was ROUGH. And what sucks is that with the morality around her, at least when characters are still interesting, her being a nice, caring person is the best dynamic for her. It just... Isn't actually her dynamic and that's rough.
Also that story is from a year and a half ago. Just... Man I wish my brain would unhook from this show already. *sigh*
I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!
I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.
I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.
If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.
A Twitter you can follow too
And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
5 + 1 Fic Friday Roundup: On Campus
One of the things that April is an awareness month for is community college. So, have some fanfic with student//teacher characters or a school setting.
Mahogany (AO3) - "Shepard and squaddies are students at the elite Galactic Training Academy. (Think Starfleet meets Hogwarts. In space.) Reapers have been dead for hundreds of years, but there are still plenty of baddies out in the galaxy. Shepard-in-training rises to the occasion, with the aid of her squad and a certain snarky flight student. Currently Rated M for language and mature situations."
The Night Will Come but Not to Stay (AO3) - "Jazz is excited about going to Gotham University for college. It's halfway across the country from Amity Park and anyone who knows about her weird family or ghost nonsense. Finally, she can pretend to be a normal woman who just wants to go into psychiatry. She meets a cute guy named Jason, and they seem to be getting along great."
Form 23-C: Application for a New Roommate (AO3) - "After battling ninjas, aliens, madmen, mafiosos, other heroes and death itself, Jason was about to face his most unknown foe yet: a normal life. It's fine. He'd always dreamed of going to college and for once reality sort of lived up to expectations. He loves the classes, he can handle the workload and his cases too. His roommate is a total douche, but whatever. Jason's fine, he's got this. Then he meets his roommate's brother. Jason totally doesn't have this."
Holy Romantic Overtures, Batman! (AO3) - "After the heist of a lifetime, henchman!Jason decides to go legit and enrolls in college. The last person he expected to see there was Robin, and he certainly didn’t expect to fall for him either. But somehow it all works out. Maybe it’s all the labels?"
campus cryptid vs. future valedictorian (AO3) - "Mara Glass did not care about "weird hot guy," the supposed "campus cryptid." She had heard of him her first couple years and had him pointed out to her by a classmate once, but what was there to notice? Okay, he was probably thirty, a nontraditional student, so what? There were a number of those around. Apparently he was hot--well congrats to people who were into people, they could keep him. And if you asked Mara, from her extremely objective perspective, those Disney-green eyes were doing a lot of heavy lifting. There was nothing particularly noteworthy about a thirty-something guy who didn't talk about himself to twenty-year-old classmates. He probably had, like, a real life. There were rumors he was married, although Brittany noted that the only reason people thought that was because one time someone heard him finish a phone call with, "You light the candles, I'll bring dinner. I love you." None of that was remotely interesting to Mara. He sounded like a normal person, and she wished people would shut up about him. Then in third year, she had a history class with weird hot guy."
Bonus: Scholastic Nightmare (AO3) - "Nara Sayuri, a religious studies major from a traditional household, would be hard pressed to come up with a worse nightmare. It was her first time presenting a paper at a conference and apparently her paper was so wrong that one of her ancestors - a deified ancestor, the Shikabane-hime herself - came down from the heavens specifically to point out how off base Sayuri was."
#fic friday#fandom friday#fic rec#campus#school#university#college#nara shikako#DOS#the old guard#DC#dc x dp#danny phantom#femshep#jazz/jason#red hood#jason todd#jaytim#jaydick#shepard/joker#joe x nicky
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Ship Comics!MattFoggy (Part 1)
Hello My MattFoggy Friends.
Are you sad about Daredevil: Born Again more than likely not including Foggy? Do you agree that he is so crucial to Daredevil and also he and Matt are married?
Then let me introduce you to ... the Daredevil comic! Because if you thought Matt and Foggy were married in the show, wait until you read the comic.
One thing I hear a lot is that there's almost 60 years of Daredevil comics, way too much complicated history and detail and you can't be expected to read all that. And to that I say... correct. And you're not expected to. I myself have not read all of volume 1 nor parts of volume 2, 5 or almost any of 6/7.
You just gotta pick what seems interesting. I like the Waid Run! I started there and have picked and chosen other runs. Nobody actually expects you know the complete history of the characters. It doesn't matter! Did Matt dad die before or after he met Foggy? Did they go to Columbia or Harvard? How old are they? How long did Matt and Elektra date?
The answer: who cares? Not even the comic writers can keep that straight. Just go with what you want to happen! Nobody is going to call you out. If you want dead characters alive, go for it! If you want to import characters from the MCU into your fic, please feel free! It's a 60 year soap opera. Do want you want. If you really want to know, just read a wiki summary.
If anyone gets weird or salty in your comments … that person is making some very weird choices. Do not engage. Good God, it's a fanfic. Do whatever you want. Just reply "lol, yikes" and move on. I am 35 years old and I am giving you grown-up with a job in an office adult permission to do that!
The major differences between the comic and the show are:
Matt is a redhead. Matt having red hair is pretty much the only difference that remains constant. Everything else is different and changeable writer-to-writer. Except early in Volume 5, when he was drawn to look like Charlie Cox and the miniseries between 5 and 6 where in some issues, everyone was copied from the Netflix show and it was weird.
Anyway:
Foggy's hair is usually short but he has 1990s anime girl bangs like Sailor Moon. If you like long-hair Foggy, sure, he can grow it out! He's sometimes blonde.
In earlier runs, Matt is sometimes shown to have been blinded as a teenager, 14 to 16. In more recent runs, he was a child like he was in the show.
Jack Murdock died when Matt was either in college or in law school, either before or after he met Foggy. It changes depending on the writer. He's also been written as dying only a few years after Matt was blinded.
Matt doesn't just have enhanced senses... He has an entirely new, unique sense, radar sense, that functions separately from his other senses. I don't know how. So, if he loses his hearing, he can still understand the world around him.
Stick trained Matt and once, pushed him off a building but didn't abandon Matt until he was in college. Comics Matt doesn't quite have the abandonment issues Netflix Matt has. He has a whole lot of other ones.
Matt wasn't crushed by Midland Circle. But he DID basically die in the storyline Born Again and have to be nursed back to health by Maggie.
Matt's not actually very religious in the comic. He was raised Catholic and he gets more religious when he's especially distressed (and due to inspiration from the show) but for the most part, he is not a very devout Catholic. However, in volume 6 and volume 7, he is (but it's kind of a weird ninja cult way idk i'm trying not to editorialize in this)
Foggy's class. In the show, he is from a lower-middle class family that loves him and Matt. In the comics, Foggy's family is very wealthy and they are pretty disappointed in Foggy. His birth mother, Rosalind Sharpe, is a huge asshole and hates her son and Matt both, but has tried to use them in the past for her own gain.
They're both huge nerds. Foggy's supposedly "cool" in the show but he is not, I assure you, in the comics. Comics!Foggy almost certainly cannot recognize a Taylor Swift song. Comics!Matt likes experimental jazz. I want to give them both swirlies.
What if you want to write comics-verse with Butcher Shop Foggy and Religious Matt? Then do it! It's fine! It's a big multiverse!
I just want my MattFoggy friends to have content.
Now on the downside, as this comic's been going on for a while, Matt (and other characters) are kind of assholes to Foggy about his weight. I ignore that bit. As with all comics, you have to ignore some shitty stuff sometimes because it all varies writer-to-writer.
Anyway, you came here for some MattFoggy Married Evidence, right?
Okay, here we go, presented with the help of my friend @froggynelson and all my chums on Discord and the Avacados in Love server...
In no particular order, a small selection of Matt and Foggy being in love.
One time, Matt got possessed by a demon and Foggy free-climbed a castle to rescue him. He is the only person able to get through to Matt to help save him. Shadowlands is otherwise, unfortunately, bad.
Something else from Volume 1 is that Matt was supposed to be the better lawyer of the two of them. Of course, since then, everyone's agreed Foggy is the better lawyer. But really, they're better together than either of them are apart. (This is the bit that made me think "oh they're GAY gay")
In volume 3 and 4, Foggy had cancer. Matt gave up his (already compromised) secret identity and moved to California in order to help him.
It was extremely sad!!
They had to fake Foggy's death!
He got better :)
Now Tumblr's post editor is chugging at this point, so please join me in part 2 - The Quest for More MattFoggy.
220 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me: "Yaaaay it's Horizons anniversary soon!!"
Others: "It's been a year since Satoshi's journey ended"
I... I didn't even think about that |D
Guess I was that ready to just let him leave the story.
Considering that none of the original series staff stayed in the writing team, they were too.
Since it's soon been a year and we're reaching the end of act 2, I can confidently say this is like, my favourite Pokémon series. Alongside Sun & Moon. And both are favs for wholely different reasons, as in, love Sun & Moon for tackling mature topics and for having wonderful humor, alongside good world building and nice focus on family theme. While Horizons I love the story focus shift from normal, cast that is super enjoyable and a take on a found family type of group, new original villains that I've come to like a lot, etc etc.
I love how different both shows are. I love how both dare to try new things out in different way. Liko is one of THE most relatable characters to me, and I love the whole entire cast to bits. I even adore the Explorers, esp. Sango is slowly making a hole in my heart that wants me to call myself a fan of hers. Yes. She's been that enjoyable to me. Even Amethio's grown on me immensely, I like how his character works, and excited to see his role this upcoming ep.
At the start Roy felt a tad bit too alike to Satoshi, and at times I can see that similar type of "forget about a skill and then do the skill" writing from Satoshi era is thrown on him, but he's still mostly his own character. But that is probably why I'm more drawn to the likes of Liko, Dot, Friede, Amethio and Sango, because their fighting styles are so refreshing for me. I even like how Onyx and Sango pairing works, with Onyx fitting Sango's oni-speaking pattern (srsly wtf that must have been intended and now I want to know if dub has ANYTHING to match this speaking pattern with.)
There's been clear growth, clear character progression, much much slower team progress than whatever the fuck JN did (not jabbing at anyone who likes JN but I won't deny that I really hate how fucking fast most Pokémon evolved there. It seems Horizons knows not to rush things).
Act 1 suffered from pacing issue where stuff happens in one episode and then the next ep sort of shrugs it off and continues the plot in a really weird tone-shift, but I don't think act 2 had that, which I liked. But act 2 also had more fill-ins compared to the action-packed act 1. But imo, it was good to have a more slower, calming pace for a while. It helped build on the characters more, and show how the Rising Volt Tacklers exactly live like. Which makes the Brave Asagi breaking in recent episode ever so more heartbreaking aaaaaaaaah-
I'm also kinda glad I was wrong on the "only a one year long series", because so far I'm quite attached to the cast and definitely wouldn't have felt happy to see them go yet. So knowing that Horizons seems to follow the usual 3 year pace (maybe 2, maybe 4, who knows) makes me happy. And I totally look forward to act 3 that is definitely caused by the Brave Asagi needing long, long time for repairs.
So um yeh. This was a weird ramble lol. But like, love Horizons, don't exactly miss old show as I felt it told whatever it wanted to and had the danger of just, butchering characters further from what I enjoyed it for. Sometimes it's better to let go. Fanfics and fanarts will still exists for a long long time, I'm sure. But my enjoyment on Horizons has definitely caused me to not miss the old days at all. And I'm glad.
(Do I want Satoshi to return? Honestly? No. 26 years is long enough for me.)
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hazbin Hotel Paperwork
An observation about fandom that I have never been able to unsee is that "Original Media is usually taking place during a disruption from the main characters Day-to-day life. Meanwhile a lot of fanfiction takes place in the downtime. Meaning unsuspecting fanfic writers have to come up with what these characters actually do in their boring adult jobs. Often with little experience in what these jobs are like. The end result is a lot of fanfiction starting with our main characters staying late in the office doing miscellaneous, unexplained paperwork"
So, with that in mind. Here are a bunch of miscellaneous paperwork/paperwork adjacent tasks for each Hazbin Hotel Character.
Charlie
Property Taxes. There is no way property tax doesn't exist in hell.
Planning group therapy sessions. Probably with several behavioural psych books and self help books and So So many sticky notes and highlighters.
Generally freaking out surrounded by crayons, loose paper, several bulletin boards and red string.
Vaggie
Planning and reviewing training regimens. Looking for where she can improve.
Maintaining her weapons. Also maintaining any other weapons in the hotel because poorly maintained weapons are a safety hazard and under absolutely no circumstances is she letting Niffty or Alastor do it.
Being a soundboard for Charlie's planning, and probably consoling her about property taxes.
Alastor
Actually doing the taxes when Charlie gives up. Also every other bill payment. He is the accountant.
Managing whatever weird network of smugglers and killers required to get a whole forest and a deer into his room. This probably required a lot of weird phone calls.
General tinkering. Everyone knows old technology is a fickle mistress. Alastor absolutely has at least one radio that has to be poked, prodded and shaken to work just right.
Angel Dust
Probably has the most actual paperwork.
Reviewing filming schedules, scene requirements and special requests.
Learning lines. Script writing in Porn Studios is also most often done by the director or whoever says yes. Considering Val has maybe 3 braincells and shit eyesight. Angel has probably written a script or two as well.
Making marketing content for upcoming projects. Filming whatever hells version of Cameo is. (Cumeo?)
Husker
Bar inventory and orders. Date and Time labels on the perishables. Please imagine him with his clipboard right in his face and brow furrowed.
Sealing anything sugary in about 10 layers of cling film. (Do you want hellants. This is how you get hell ants.)
Cutting limes, longing for the days when he had barbacks. Pouring himself a glass of whiskey and then going back to cutting limes.
Sir Pentious
Drawing diagrams of inventions. Having a long drawn out internal debate about whether he needs to make a specific part custom or if he can just order the part. Vocalising this conundrum to the Egg Bois only to be met with "Fingers are just Toes with delusions of grandeur"
Looking at a perfectly functional small scale prototype. Looking at a full scale version of the same prototype, built to the exact same specifications, wondering why it doesn't work. Looking back at the small scale prototype, holding it lovingly, asking it why it's brother doesn't work.
Honestly, just document any weird shit you see your engineer friend do and it's probably Sir Pentious.
Niffty
I was going to say Niffty does not have paperwork, Niffty has an ongoing war against dirt and roaches in which she is a valiant soldier. But thats too easy.
She is Alastor's paper shredder.
Updating her scrapbook of bad boys with photos, hair, teeth and occasionally other. . .things.
#hazbin hotel headcanon#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#vaggie#Angel Dust#hazbin hotel husk#Niffty#alastor#hazbin hotel fanfiction
35 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! To preface: I don't think there's any one right or wrong answer to my question necessarily, but I value your opinion as a level-headed adult in this fandom who can probably provide sensible input on the issue I'm having, so I thought I'd ask.
If a CC asks for their character not to be drawn (specifically referring to fanart, which they likely saw on Twitter) in a sexualised way, what does that mean for written fanwork content? Is it "wrong" (putting this in quotation marks since that's a loaded word, to say the least) to write nsfw content about said character and post it on Ao3, considering the differences in visibility/CC knowledge of those platforms, as well as the general consensus/expectation that CCs don't generally read fanfic anyway? Where is the line between "you should respect the CC's wishes" (avoiding the word "boundaries" since that's also very loaded in mcyt spaces) and "you can do whatever you want forever; fanworks are created by and for fans, not for the creators" drawn? Does "just don't put it where they can see unless they go looking" (i.e. correctly tagged on Ao3, not on a CC-frequented site like Twitter) apply? Would it be better not to do it at all, or only create and share said content in private spaces like Discord? Or is this all a "there is no single 'morally correct' answer, make your own personal judgement" thing?
(Sorry for the long-winded question but this is genuinely something I'm struggling with right now, lol. As I said I value and respect your opinion and views about these kinds of things in fandom, so if you have anything to say on the matter I'd appreciate your input!)
Alright so, obligatory warning for discourse on this one right at the top, and possibly also long post. These tend to be me rambling.
This is a situation that I think it's fair that a lot of people disagree. Your personal comfort level with making NSFW content in general is not where my comfort level is, we can come to totally different equilibriums. And then you add in creators expressing that they don't like seeing NSFW content of their characters, and people end up in a whole lot of different places, whether that's a complete no on shipping or NSFW, or people feeling fine to consume it but not create it, or only if it's archive locked, or only specific ships or smps, or whatever. I think it's fine that we don't all agree on this, creation is a fickle beast and we are in a weird place as a fandom of being not rpf but kinda cousins, and we can get *really* close to the creators with twitch and twitter, so people's comfort level in meshing all the parasociality and roleplay and real life of it all can end up in a lot of different places.
I just think that the most important thing for the fandom being a healthy place to spend time on the internet is that we don't go aroud sending hate/abuse to those we disagree with.
a) i don't agree with internet mobs or suicide baiting or anon hate in general, b) the number of times I have seen internet games of telephone happen when it comes to this subject is unreal. To use an example from literally today, I saw someone saying that Pac of qsmp pacmike was uncomfortable with shipping art and fic and we all should stop shipping immediately, and once I tracked it back to its source, it turns out that what had happened was the creator said that he wasn't a fan that all the art was of him in the jumpsuit that used to be his skin, he has a new skin now, which turned into sexy jumpsuit art was the problem, which turned into pac hates all sexy fan art, which turned into "pac is being bombarded with nsfw art and shipping and he hates it". Now he might actually also not like NSFW art, but that's not actually what he was adressing, but it was certainly what was being circulated! So like, people warning me off of certain subjects— how do I know that they're actually accurate or if twitter just went twitter on a passing mention of something someone said on a twitch stream?
So I think it's way way way healthier for us as a fandom to sometimes disagree on the subject of "what we're drawing/writing about" and when that happens we implement Don't Like; Don't Read, and we just ignore that, or block if necessary. Don't Want To See it? Simply Don't See It. It's a bad idea to start hate campaigns for sinners, and half the time it's based on bad information anyways.
But in cases that you do know that the creator doesn't want to see that, you found an accurate clip?
So this is a case where I think that there's no single moral answer to this that everyone is gonna agree on. We're all coming at it from too many different cultural backgrounds and different streamers in mind and comfort levels with NSFW in general. I don't think there is a firm answer that is gonna make you morally safe.
But my personal feelings is that in cases where we know the creators doesn't want to see that, I think the important part there is that the creator never sees that, not that we stamp it off the internet entirely.
I do think, personally, ymmv, that you are not necessarily doing anything morally wrong with drawing or writing NSFW of someone's character, even if they think it's weird. There's a long history of creators saying "you can't do [this] with my characters," and it happens to be you can't [make them gay] enough to make me uncomfortable in general principle with saying creator of the character gets to call the shots in all settings forever. This happened with Anne Rice and with the supernatural fandom and like— it's the internet, we get to make the characters be gay together. This is the making sex jokes about fictional characters website, and Ao3 is the making porn about fictional characters website. I think it's fine if it exists on the internet, the question comes down to one of what we're forcing the creator to see, or what we're putting where they'll stumble upon it.
Like, examples from real life— if you have a friend who's vegan, it's polite to not spend time rhapsodizing about how good meat is around them, and if you know that meat makes them sick, it's polite to do a meatless meal around them. That's a human person you want to be okay around you. But that's their boundary for their life, not yours, so even when you're being polite you have no obligation to go vegan when they're not around. And they have a politeness obligation to not walk into a steakhouse and freak out because there's meat there. They have a boundary for their life, and I'm going to respect it, but my life is a different story, and they need to take reasonable steps to protect their boundaries and not just expect everyone else to conform to them.
Or walking by someone on the street and waiting till they're out of earshot and then going "jesus christ that guy was hot" to your friends— that's fine. That's normal human behaviour. What becomes rude is when you make it hot guy's problem and yell at him. Being attracted to someone in your own space is not a problem. I'm aroace, I am not going to be in a relationship with anyone. I'm not going to ban having crushes on me, as long as you don't make it my business. Talking about an attractive person in your own space is not a problem. Being sexual in your own space— and again we are talking about fictional characters, the way I see it, these are lies we're telling about folks that are not real, who live in little minecraft worlds— that's fine. The problem is if we start catcalling people about it.
When you walk into fandom spaces you are walking into a space where we all like taking fictional guys and telling stories about them and a good portion of those stories are going to include kissing. That is not necessarily baseline normal for like, all of humanity, but people talk about tv shows they watch as one of the classic work small talk techniques. Fandom takes the "I hope ted gets together with jessica" "no he needs to work on himself first" discussion and writes stories, is all, to share with each other. Privately. On our special private website where there's a button you can click to hide your work from search engines and another one to hide it from logged-out users. If you log into the website and search things up, no tags blocked, what you find is on you for saying "I will see literally anything that exists on this subject in a space meant for literally anything". You will find gore. You will find kissing. You literally just opted in to seeing it. That's on you.
So like, there's my little defense of nsfw work existing in general, I think it existing is not a problem. I do think that we should keep it FAR AWAY from streamers. They get to set the rules for their spaces, and if someone doesn't want to see sexualized fan art, I do think we should make sure that in a reasonable way, they never have to see sexualized fan art/fic.
So like me personally, I'm going to hit that Ao3 button to hide my work from search engines, and anything NSFW (or shippy, depending on the person) is not going to go into the main tags on tumblr or twitter or anywhere I'm aware that the creators ever check that tag, and I'd probably archive lock it if the creator had publically mentioned being uncomfortable with it, and if I was regularly posting NSFW I'd block the creators on social media with any account I discuss NSFW with. I want to make sure that I am talking to my friends about the cubitos, not catcalling someone.
And I would probably err on the side of caution when it comes to social media sites that creators are on? Okay so the fandom has a habit of saying that NSFW and Shipping is BAD and can't exist, on the one hand, but on the other hand it says that anything that isn't Bad Wrong Shipping/Explicit NSFW is fine, which leads to like— extremely sexy thirst trap art being drawn and then the creators are tagged. People putting family dynamic fics that really pushes that envelope in the main tag. Gahhhhhh????? No? Don't do that?
I think it would be healthier in the fandom if we did a lot more going "this is for the fandom, not the creator" and we don't tag creators on twitter, and we took our little kissing fics, or gore, or kidfic, or neurodiverse headcanons, or anything else it might be not for the creator to see, and we kept it in fandom spaces and away from creators. But Ao3 is that fandom space that you have to opt into, it's literally archive of our Own, for fans, in that space as long as you tag it you're good.
So the TL;DR of this all is that my opinion is that if you tag it correctly on Ao3 you're fine. Maybe archive lock it. Keep it off twitter. Don't make it the streamer's problem, and you're good.
90 notes
·
View notes
Text
So this straw-masked dumbass decided to do a thing and share some personal tips about writing fanfiction/writing someone else's character/writing in general!
Please keep in mind that I am a hobbyist writer, not a professional! These are just suggestions/things that help me that may or may not work for you, please feel free to correct me or add your own anecdotes :)
Tips for getting ready to write:
Make sure that you're in an environment where you can concentrate.
Whether that be in a quiet room, a chatty café, or blasting your eardrums out with music, whatever gets you in the groove is good. Not everybody can focus in the same environment, so your choice of surroundings for when you right aren't going to be the same as everyone else's. I (personally) listen to long video essays, my current favorite song on loop, or a playlist about the story/characters.
Clear a space for where you want to write.
Clear the space of excess clutter and keep only what you need. If what you need to write is a lot, that's fine! Having too much going on at once in your writing space can overwhelm and/or distract you. I know from personal experience.
Have all of your materials at hand.
Character sheets, previous stories, note paper to jot down ideas, rough environment & scene sketches... Whatever references and tools you need, keep them with you! Also, keep a glass of water or some other drink nearby. Hydrate or diedrate, my friends.
Make sure that you won't be interrupted while you're writing.
This may not be an option for those of you living with your parents or a roommate, but it's ideal for your creative flow to go undisturbed, uninterrupted, and unwatched. Is your father really watching you write your fanfic? No, probably not, considering that he's snoring. But it still feels weird to write when he's sitting in his armchair right behind you. No, I am not projecting my experience onto the reader under the cover of an absurd joke, why would you say that?
Now that setup is out of the way, let's go over some actual writing stuff:
Always, always, always block out what you want to write before you actually write it.
By "block out", I mean give a basic summary of the events you want to take place in that chapter or segment. I usually do this event-by-event because I struggle to carry on a story without an outline, but you can do it by chapter or by paragraph if you'd like. Make jokes in your mini-summaries, and phrase things in wacky ways (that convey things to you effectively)! You don't have to be too serious about it. After all, if you're in a lil silly goofy mood, you can get an epic sentence like this:
If you get stuck on a part of a story, move on and save it for later.
If you're anything like me, you understand the screaming, crying, pissing, pants-shittingly frustrating experience of not knowing how to describe something or figure out what should be said next. As angering as it is, it's okay. Just write a mini block-in for what you want to happen, want to describe, or the general tone of what you want to be said. Or use a keyword that you can Ctrl+F for to finish those pesky scenes when you're ready. If your writing software can do it (I have no clue if any one program does this, I only use Google Docs), mark the spot for review to return to it later. If you're one of those frighteningly powerful people who write stories by hand, highlight it and paste what you want to go there over it once you're ready. If you aren't familiar with this infuriating part of writing, you're a lucky bastard and I envy you immensely.
If you have writer's block, there are 8 potential strategies (that I can provide) you can use to alleviate it.
These are NOT surefire fixes for writer's block and are EXTREMELY subjective and results will vary from person to person, but they can potentially help you.
Read a book. Sometimes reading how another author writes (dialogue, scenery, figurative language, etc.) can help you get a better grasp of what you want to write, and how you want to write it. You might even get inspired to make a different story, which bleeds into the next point.
Work on/start a different story. (This isn't always the best way to get out of writer's block, so if you can't get a word down, this probably won't help.) Sometimes changing what you're working on can free up the ink clogged in your pen, for lack of a better phrase, and give you an, "aha!" moment.
Eat and drink something. Brains don't work when they don't have fuel, so feed your machine. Frequent maintenance keeps an engine running smooth, so occasionally get a snack and make sure to keep hydrated.
Take a walk and get some fresh air, and touch some grass for the love of god. Jokes aside, getting your body moving can excite your brain into working and clear some brain fog, since exercise gives your brain a dose of serotonin. As silly as it sounds, sitting in the sun and touching some grass can actually make you feel nice and rejuvenated, it helps me a lot. Even if you don't go outside, moving around is a good way to give your brain a break.
Talk to a friend and get their input. Their ideas can get you through a tough spot and inspire you to get writing again.
Look at pretty pictures and distract yourself from what you're doing. I have pictures of art pieces and doodles I like hanging in front of the desk where I write, and losing myself in pretty stuff helps me work through what I'm struggling with.
Jot down notes by hand on what you're trying to do. Planning things out on pen and paper, despite being tedious, imprints information in your mind and can be useful to your writing needs
If you're writing a fanfiction, look at the source material. Chances are, there's something there that could help you along.
If you don't have the motivation to write anything, don't.
This isn't the best advice for someone who's on a time limit, but works wonders for passion projects and fun stories. Very few do their best work when they force themselves to do it. Besides, there's no point in having a hobby if you don't get joy out of it and overly stress over it.
Writing someone else's character? No problemo, here's some fanfic help:
Always look at the source material, and don't be shy to explore new territory with the character.
It's important to stay true to the personality of a character when you're writing someone else's creation, but don't be afraid to throw in some headcanons and artistic flair. Remember, there's a difference between writing a character unrealistically (pertaining to personality, likes, interests, and universe/world/time period) and changing the circumstances of the original story. Characters are people too, and people react differently to the same thing depending on the world around them. A character may not have [x] trait if [y] event never happened, likewise [y] event never would have happened if this character didn't have [x] trait. Take into consideration the people around the character, as well, as they can also affect what the character does and how they develop. Change up small events in the original source material's story to get a different story and a different reaction out of the character. Experiment, and have fun! It's your story, write it your way!
That's all the advice I have for now, and I hope I was helpful! :)))
#fanfiction tips#writing tips#writing help#writing#fanfiction help#fanfiction#writing advice#fanfiction advice#hobby writer#im not a professional
131 notes
·
View notes
Note
The only reason people say Lloyd was maltreated is because OG Lloyd suffers from “Draco in Leather Pants”, where a character with major negative flaws has those flaws massively downplayed. Along with any evil actions or rude behaviour they committed ignored or retroactively justified as them being the actions of a “victim” who is lashing out, despite all evidence to the contrary. This mostly done so that the fandom can have a new “Woobie”, a character who makes you feel extremely sorry for them, to write angst about
On the other hand, Arcos suffers from “Ron the Death Eater” syndrome. Where fandom decides to take a good character who committed a few mistakes in the past, exaggerating that characters’s small negative flaws or mistakes to massive proportions. Or even assigning evil acts to the character that the character never committed. This way people can have convenient antagonist who hurt the “Woobie” in the past or continues to do so, thus making the “Woobie” the victim in the scenario.
These are all symptoms of people wanting to make more “Whump” fanfic. Whump fanfic is fanfic where a character undergoes various different forms physical and mental suffering. These insubstantial takes on the characters in order to create “Whump” completely ignore other avenues rife with potential “Whump”, ones that are even supported by the source material.
Such as Kim Suho constant struggles with the fact that even though he now has the life he always wanted, being free from debt, in a safe financial positions, and being surrounded by a loving family, he has to contend with the fact they aren’t’t his. He has to handle the guilt he feels when interacting with Arcos and Marbella due to the belief that they don’t know that he not there son. That he effectively stolen another person’s life, though through no fault of his own, and has now undeservedly gained that person’s parents.
Then there is Julian, who suffered plenty of abuse from his brother over the years growing up, both vocal and physical. As evidenced by the scar on his forehead that was caused by glass from a beer bottle his brother threw at him. There is also the physical and vocal abuse he suffered from other nobles at the academy before Kim Suho showed up and set everyone straight. Yet not nearly as many people seem to be interested in delving to how being on the receiving end of that kind of abuse for years would affect him
In short,
Reader: “I want Whump”
Actual Story: “We have Whump at home”
love the use of tropes in this ask, you're speaking my language now
and yeah, you're right, i just,,, i find it confusing. ofc everyone is allowed to do whatever they want, canon is a suggestion and all of that but like,, i don't know. i find it weird.
it almost feels like they're trying to justify og lloyd's abuse of julian by accusing arcos of bad parenting. but 1) they do it by exaggerating some genuine mistakes he made, 2) ignoring the context surrounding the situation and 3) just fucking lying about it????
not to mention, that even if arcos had been a genuinely bad father (which he was not), that would still not justify what og lloyd did to julian! negligence doesn't justify abuse! even if the fronteras hadn't given lloyd enough positive attention (which there isn't any evidence to assume this), that would still not justify og lloyd lashing out and constantly hurting the people around him, including his younger brother.
if people want whump, just like you said, there's plenty in canon already. lloyd, julian, and javier all have their own trauma to work through, some of it caused by og lloyd himself. heck if you want that very specific 'negligent and distant father' flavor of whump, sheherazade is right there. bk moon does a great job at giving us plenty of character with a lot of baggage and trauma, there's enough to pick and choose without needing to resort to headcanons that go directly against canon lmao
but again, i'm not fond of the whole 'you're only allowed to like a character while acknowledging every bad thing they've ever done' thing, because it's bullshit and also i love me some war criminals here and there, so do whatever you want forever i'm no one to say you can't do something lol
22 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
s3111
daisy;
caitlin-aguirre
Caitlin Aguirre
veryhottea
здесь всё натурально🌈
arietta-arts
Arietta's Art
cylesuesz
Cyle Suesz