#like kind of like family who say later u can get hormones but u never can get it and then the kid has to take it into his own hands

[dykeinthedark]

wwdits spoilers guilliermo detransitions

#like if u think abt it. kind of? #i liked the season finale #thinking abt potential vampirism transgener allegory. brain short circuiting #like. guilliermo going to a sketchy source to get what he wants (derek as a stand-in for shady hormone deals) #like kind of like family who say later u can get hormones but u never can get it and then the kid has to take it into his own hands #guilliermo finally transitioning and it doesn't feel ''right''. he didn't feel right as a human but full vampirism didn't feel right either #so like: not cis but not fully down for transitioning in the other way. what i am saying is guilliermo nonbinary. in a sense. #VAMPIRISM AS A METAPHOR FOR TRANSGENDERISM

[scarletvisionss]

I have so much respect that you wrote Wanda to have post partum depression, and I wanted o ask two things: (only answer this ask it is okay)

1. How did Wanda really feel when Auggie was such a tiny baby? Like is she super protective? My mom had post partum and till this day she’s always tell me she loved me but it was a real battle

2. Does Wanda ever feel like she is owing Auggie something? And u like to think Auggie reels her she loves her all the time, like how was the first time Auggie told her she loved her for wanda?

I think Wanda's post-partum depression mostly centered around her fear that she would disappoint Auggie, and be a bad mother, to the point where she started thinking she *was* a bad mother, especially when she was so exhausted from not sleeping and a little bit cranky. She thought that Auggie deserved perfection and that since she was far from perfect that she was a terrible mother and a terrible person and it all kind of spiralled into this awful grief-stricken place for her, compounded by the untreated depression she'd had for years beforehand since her parents died, and her hormones were just all out of wack. I wanted, in part, to be faithful to parts of Wanda's comic canon, and in some of her most recent comics, she's sober because she's on antidepressants, and a vegetarian. In my fic, she's been sober since she got pregnant, and her diet skews more towards vegetarianism, though she does still eat meat sometimes, and a lot of that is because Auggie hates meat, haha. I also wanted, in part, to write a character who... is a little like me in that way. I've been on antidepressants for most of my life now, and while I've never had any kids or anything and never been through Wanda's situation, I do know what it's like to live with a bad brain that makes you sad. So it's kind of therapeutic, in a way, to write Wanda. (And Vis, but more on that later.)

2. Babies learn to say "I love you" very young, at least in my experience with my nieces and nephew, because babies learn how to talk through repeting the people around them. So one of Auggie's first sentences was probably something like "Love you," since Wanda says it too her all the time. I don't know that Wanda feels like she owes Auggie more than the typical "I'm her parent so I owe it to her to give her the best life I can," but she definitely feels a bit more pressure to make Auggie happy as a single parent. Sometimes Wanda really worries that she's not enough for Auggie - I'd consider it her biggest irrational fear - but that's definitely not true. To Auggie, Wanda's the entire universe. All Auggie has ever known is Wanda's unconditional love and sacrifice to make her happy. Auggie loves Wanda probably exactly as much as Wanda loves Auggie, which is with her whole heart. I sort of projected onto this fic in reverse, in a way, as I was raised by a single mother since age ten and know how much my mom has struggled and sacrificed for me, and the older I get the more I love and respect her for it. My mom's pretty much my whole world, and I imagine Auggie feels the same way. And when she's older - even though, quite obviously, her family situation will be much different with Vis and her siblings in the picture - I like to think that she'll look back at those first five years and feel the same about Wanda.

#give you my sunshine #wanda (gyms) #auggie #my fic #ask #anonymous #answered

[stetervault]

Hiii! Been delving into Steter now, in the year of our lord 2021, even though I never really did when I was active in the fandom years ago and I was wondering if you'd have some longfic recs for the ship? Like, fics that are Classics(TM)? But happy endings! And I'm not super into those in which Stiles is still underage 😬 do u have any recs? Thanks!

Welcome to the Steter fandom! I definitely have some long fics to rec, some of them are super old lol, and I'll stick to ones around 20k or over, and most of them are finished. And hmm, considering the ship, and a lot of fics like to start off in season 1 where Stiles is still technically a teenager, I'll try to limit these to ones with Stiles being at least 16/17 before anything starts happening, and only 18+ if there's explicit content. I hope that's okay.

drowning in the sea of you by Corpium

Beacon Hills was perfect for Stiles growing up, but now, with werewolves, hunters, and an anxious best friend running around, it's turning into a place too chaotic for an empath like Stiles to handle alone. And pain killers can only go so far.

Wake Me Up by ToAStranger

Stiles has been in a coma for six years. Now he's awake.

Tremors by Corpium

(Stiles has a taste for him now. All Peter needs to do is wait.)

Surviving Peter and the Zombie Apocalypse by Nopennamesleft

Its the end of the world and Stiles has run out of luck. He saves a werewolf from certain death. Will they begin to rely on each other to survive or will the wolf just eat Stiles for a midnight snack?

Bite Down by EclipseWing

In which Stiles is forced to survive the zombie apocalypse with a sociopathic murdering werewolf for company.

as you are by veterization

Stiles runs straight into a tree and suddenly, things are... different. Namely, he's in a world where Peter Hale is his boyfriend.

Call My Name by KouriArashi

After moving to Beacon Hills, Stiles starts having recurring dreams of a man in some kind of prison, who needs his help. Things get so bad that he ends up in Eichen House, where he finds out that the man is real.

Devil of Mercy by KouriArashi

Peter's heard people talk about what it felt like when they saw their mate for the first time, from those who actually believe in the mystical bullshit. Like a magnet, like gravity. Peter just feels... sharply curious.

Whiskey is My Kind of Lullaby by taylorpotato

Peter is a simple saloon owner on one of the outer planets between the Aaru Belt and the Olympus Galaxy. He’s done with trouble. Done with adventure. So fucking done with rustlers. That is, until a cute young outlaw named Stiles wanders into his bar. Peter has this problem where he can’t seem to resist charming narcissists (perhaps because they remind him of himself). And when said narcissists turn his life upside-down, the worst part is he’s not even that upset about it.

Proposing To Strangers by moonstalker24

At the end of a strained relationship, crime novelist Stiles chooses to hide from the world inside a bar with far too many motorcycles outside it for comfort. Here he'll meet the man of his dreams, eat food and propose marriage, all within the first five minutes.

Peter doesn't know who this kid is, but he's cute and looks like he could use a break. So he feeds him. He's not expecting a marriage proposal, but with what comes after, he doesn't really mind.

Stiles Stilinski, Disaster Chef by Guede

The zombie apocalypse forces Stiles to learn how to cook.

The Will by Guede

We are gathered here today for the reading of Gerard Argent’s will.

On the Importance of Lunar Influences in Gardening by Guede

“Oh, it’s you again,” Stiles sighs. He puts down his basket and drops the bunch of onions into it, and then dusts off his hands. “Can’t you get your own strawberries? I mean, I have it on good authority that wild strawberries? They’re a thing. They exist. They’re out there.”

“But Stiles,” says the werewolf dangling by one foot from the tree, sticky red smears around his mouth and all over his fingers. “Your berries are so juicy, so ripe. Those ones in the woods are mere passing indulgences compared to the royal feast you have in your garden.”

Genii loci Stiles and his father run a community garden, and it’s all good, except for the werewolf who keeps sneaking over the fence to raid Stiles’ strawberry patch (and the hunter who’s constantly hanging around his father).

Runes and all kinds of things by FeelingsDusk (WIP)

Enough is enough. Stiles is tired of being always a last choice when he always tries to do his best for his precious people, so they better get their act together or face being left behind.

OR

The things in the Argent's basement get nearly fatal, the Sheriff finds about the supernatural, Allison can have a wicked, wicked mind and Peter Hale appears to be everywhere.

Oh, and Stiles can't seem to stop breaking the laws of physics with his magic.

Sanctuary by DiscontentedWinter

The Hale Wolf Sanctuary isn’t just for wolves.

It turns out it’s for Stilinskis as well.

Out Of The East, Never See The Sun Rise by neglectedtuesday

In the beginning, there are three absolutes.

One. Stiles is a god, forged of starlight and collapsing galaxies and he is eternal.

Two. Peter is human, fragile bone and viscous blood and he is temporary.

Three. Stiles and Peter are in love; love that claws its way inside one’s heart like fish hooks; all encompassing love that is beautiful but dangerous.

Stiles is a god. Peter is human. They love each other.

Three absolutes.

You Had Me at Canapes by LadyArinn

Stiles doesn't mean to sneak into the Hale wedding, and he certainly doesn't mean to have cliche coat-room sex with the bride's uncle, but what had happened, happened, and it wasn't like he could just leave. At least, not until he got to have some of that cake.

Infinite Space by DiscontentedWinter

Stiles needs Peter's expertise to help stop the latest threat to Beacon Hills. And, as the pack falls apart around him, he might even need Peter for more than that.

Hook, Yarn, Sinker by pprfaith

Stiles is happy with his store, his hobbies, his friends. Peter's just trying to figure out how to raise his nieces and nephew without fucking them up too badly.

Paths cross.

Open Wounds by Guede

Talia got out of the fire with Peter, but everyone else died. Years later, they’re still struggling with injuries, but they’ve at least settled in with oddball werewolf Stiles. And then other werewolves start showing up. Familiar ones.

Bittersweet Creek by Guede

When Stiles finally steps off the westward trail to California, he’s the last of his pack. He starts building a den, but then he finds a dying man next to a burnt-down house and it turns out he’s not really much of a settler, after all.

For Great Justice! by Green

Stiles is a vengeance demon, drawn to Peter just as he's waking from his catatonia.

"Whoever did this? We will make those fuckers suffer. I promise you."

Bone Deep by ShippersList

A body in the woods, a mate, and a long-awaited revenge.

Peter had no idea how his life would change when he followed the strange pull in his chest.

Love What is Behind You by KouriArashi

Basically what it says on the label. Hunger Games type fusion. Stiles doing way better than anyone anticipates. Peter finds him intriguing. Ruthless, devious assholes working together to ruin bad guys, as the Steter ship is meant to be.

Soothing the Burn by Therapeutic_Steter (WIP)

Peter is burnt out and breaking down. Stiles notices and offers him solace, along with the one thing he wants most: Pack.

Til Death by Bunnywest

“How long do we have to find him someone?” Stiles asks. “Two weeks,” says Derek, eyebrows pulling down even further. The fierceness of his expression tells Stiles just how concerned he is. “He marries, or he goes to the camps. And you know what your father told us,” Scott reminds her. The camps……aren’t camps. Peter either finds a wife, or he dies.

Ink Blossoms by Triangulum

"So, you're going to ruin your niece's baby shower with flowers in the wrong color?" the florist, Stiles, asks when they reach the counter. He pulls out a binder and starts flipping through it.

"Not ruin. Mildly inconvenience," Peter says.

"Right, messing with a hormonal pregnant woman seems like a great plan."

"To be fair, her fiance and the father of her baby is my ex-boyfriend," Peter says. "And we weren't broken up when they started 'dating'."

Stiles looks up at him in surprise. "And you're still getting her flowers?" he asks.

"It's under duress, I assure you," Peter says. He absolutely wouldn't be here if his alpha hadn't ordered it.

"Well, shit, yeah, let's get you some purple revenge flowers," Stiles says.

After You by FlyAwayMeow (rjaejoo)

It’s true that sometimes what you want the most, you can’t have and that you’ll miss what you once had all along when it’s finally gone.

After breaking his engagement to Chris, Peter heads to New York to start over. He meets Stiles, a young author at his publishing house who helps him piece his confidence back together. When tragedy strikes, he discovers how to finally let go of his past and have the family and future he's always wanted with the pieces already in his life.

love me lights out by veterization

Stiles and Peter get snowed in together. (Or: what happens when you accept phone calls from people you haven't spoken to in over five years.)

Uncle Peter Doesn't Date by Mellow (SweetCandy) (WIP)

“Oh don’t lie, you love it.” Peter purred and winked at his newest arm candy, who spluttered for a few seconds, before blushing like a 16 year old virgin. Considering how young he looked Laura wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually 16. “Shut up Peter!” Bambi squeaked, still flushing and averting Laura’s eyes. “Well, anyways, I’m,” ‘Bambi’. “Stiles. Stiles Stilinski, pleasure to meet you- again.” Stiles smiled sheepishly, obviously nervous. Stiles Stilinski. Definitely a stripper then.

-

Or: Laura was prepared for whatever piece of armcandy her uncle had decided to show up with, what she hadn't been prepared for was Stiles Stilinski...her uncle's boyfriend.

Under the Songbird’s Wing by mia6363

Captivity easily destroys the will of escape. It can break the fiercest of animal. It can strip the most regal man and woman down to nothing but animal needs.

Captivity can, if met with unwavering determination, shape a person into something unimaginable.

Stiles is sixteen when he's captured. Stiles's first thought is, "I won't die here."

Baby Whisperer by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

“What. Is that.”

Scott looked up at him, apprehensive.

“Her name’s Lily.”

Stiles stared at the fuzzy head peeking out of the papoose.

“Her. Her name. That is a real live human baby. Oh my God-”

“Actually I don’t know if she’s human?” Scott said with a confused frown. “Becca didn’t say.”

“Who the fuck is Becca?!”

Sacrificial Lamb by Bunnywest

The Alpha has a scruffy beard, unkempt hair and dazzling blue eyes. The scar on his face is raised, running down his cheek like a twisting, gnarled rope. Stiles knows that it came from the blade of Kate Argent herself, and that the Alpha got it fighting in the battle where Kate killed his lover, cutting his head clean from his neck, if the stories are to be believed.

The Alpha lets Stiles look his fill, before indicating that Stiles should take the other couch, and Stiles does so, his father’s words echoing in his ears. He can do this, can be pleasant and amenable. The lives of his people may depend on it. The Alpha spends long moments surveying him, before saying, “I like you, Stiles.”

You don’t know me, Stiles wants to blurt out, but he bites his tongue.

The Various Triumphs of Mischief Bilinski by Whispering_Sumire (WIP)

"Hello, Chris," sings a honeyed voice from behind.

Chris' attention snaps toward the intruder, his gun already out of its' holster and aimed at whoever it is — a boy, apparently, with braided russet hair, a red jacket, and wise eyes. He's wearing a gas mask, but Chris can tell by the way his eyes crinkle around the edges, the way sun-burnt sand swirls in his irises, that he's smiling.

Chris cocks his gun.

"You killed my father," he says.

"No offence, but he totally deserved it," the stranger agrees with cheerful solemnity.

"What the hell are you doing in my home?" Chris demands. The kid is perched on a windowsill in Chris' office, as nonchalantly as if this were something he did every day, as if they were familiar.

"I was just wondering," the kid speaks softly, fond amusement sewn through with a peculiar resignation, "how you'd feel about putting down some nazis?"

[Or: The one where Stiles goes back in time and subsequently fucks with everything.]

A Curious Magic by Triangulum

Overall, Stiles is very well-known in the supernatural community. It’d be hard not to be, not with how his reputation has grown like wildfire. He knows and is on good terms with nearly all the fae that reside in the preserve, the asrai that live deep in the lake, the Ito pack, the vampire couple that lives over in Beacon Valley (they buy an ethically-sourced food supply from Stiles), as well as almost every other supernatural entity in the area. But Talia Hale doesn’t like him, and a werewolf pack tends to do what their alpha tells them to.

So it’s a definite surprise when the wards at the edge of his property trip, the tingling down his spine telling him it’s a werewolf, the lack of burning sensation letting him know there’s no hostile intent. Stiles, in his office in the second floor turret, sets down the amulet he’s packing up for Marin and moves to the large window overlooking the front of his property. He’s expecting to see an Ito packmember, even though they nearly always call in advance, and is surprised to see a man that he recognizes as Talia’s brother, Peter.

Light in the Dark by cywscross

It still surprises Stiles sometimes, how easily he’s adapted. Seven months in a world filled with train tracks and soul-sucking fae, and it feels like he’s never known anything else.

~~

Or, the one where diverting the Ghost Riders from Beacon Hills to prey on a different town only succeeded in setting them free.

Vengeance Looks Good On You, Sweetheart by cywscross

Just because Scott refuses to see the Argents for what they truly are - prejudiced serial killers sitting proudly on a mountain of innocent corpses - doesn't mean Stiles will. It's about time someone did something about the Argent Empire anyway, and what a coincidence - summer vacation is just around the corner.

--

Or, the one where Gerard Argent kidnapped the wrong fucking person to torture. Stiles has never subscribed to the policy of forgiving and forgetting anyway, not when razing the problem to the ground and salting the earth for good measure has always been a far better solution in the long run.

He doesn't expect to have company.

#rec list #teen wolf #steter #stiles stilinski #peter hale #fanfic rec #akielosrises #ask

[sly-merlin]

okey dokey! I'm gonna be a father!

Requesting pregnant reader scenarios, wanna see more of the guys’ duality balancing domesticity and impending fatherhood, and running the world, ya know 🙏🏾😎🤔😀 Just throwing the idea out there since you said we could. Y’know things like ‘I’m trying to leave to set up a meeting but her back is sore & she wants ice cream so one of u needs to suddenly be available. now’ & other things ig. I imagined Ty Kun, John Jae or Kun in as leader & probably hc or jaemin as the wife-sitters (lol)

Since you didn’t specify the unit,I did this with the few members from hyung line. This got so long that I ran out of ideas so let me know if you want me to write for some other members.  though j incorporated your ideas but i based it on the concept of them managing the treats in both hands. This is my first time doing reactions so leave some feedback if you wish! Have a nice day everybody.

(7 members) Ft. Taeil, johnny, taeyong, yuta, ten, jaehyun + kun

TAEIL 

"Let me message you back!" Taeil whispered into the phone and raised his body to observe your sleeping form. Your head was securely resting on his arm and he let out a relieved sigh as it was one of the few Lucky days when you were not thrashing around in your sleep. Day after day, you were getting uncomfortable with your heavy belly and all he could ever do was keep you company in your frustrations. He couldn't risk waking you up so he tried his best to complete the task in the painful position. He fidgeted with the phone for it was impossible to handle a 6 inch of metal device with one hand. Struggling with the grip for a few more seconds, he finally managed to send johnny a message regarding the inquiry.

Ask tae He has ab eztra key 2 my ofice.

Maybe he should turn his autocorrect on for situations like this!

Thinking his work was done, he locked the phone. just when he was about to put it on the nightstand on a blind guess, it vibrated again! 

John: He is out! You need to come asap.

He stopped to watch out for any movement from your side and when there was none, he shifted to his phone again.

Nt my pblm. 

He couldn't understand why johnny was being so persistent when everyone was under strict orders to not call him after 10 p.m unless someone was dying!

John: Jungwoo is in trouble with police. I need his fake ID!

Taeil’s scoffed a bit too loudly causing you to stir.  He paused in his actions only to continue when he noticed your even breathing. Weighing the options, he concluded that Jungwoo must have forgotten to pay for the food again or something like that otherwise if it was work related then johnny would have been screaming at his door and not through the phone.

Not his 1st time. dw too much. Jst send him some food so he wont cry like last tym.

He deserved that much punishment! With that he switched the device off and wrapped his arm around your waist, returning to the warmth he got to experience only at night times.

JOHNNY

You were on edge since the day you got yourself tested. You could blame it on the suddenly changing hormones or the never present johnny but one thing was sure that you were missing him more than ever. Johnny on the other hand, avoided going back home for the sole reason of finding himself incapable of taking care of you and his dangerous job. That’s why he had assigned hendery to be at your beck and call. He was a medic and since the other medical emergencies could be handled by xiaojun and renjun, hendery had no problem in spending some time with you. His company was full of funny stories of other members and silly jokes. Despite his endless efforts to distract you, the thought that your daughter’s father was missing the growth of his own child always remained at the back of your head. You couldn’t understand how all of a sudden his workload had increased so much that he barely had any time to even see your face let alone talk to you for a few minutes. But all your worries vanished the day he returned and sarcastically ordered hendery to show his donkey self out of his house to never come back again.

“I managed to prepone some important weapon deals”, he bowed gracefully to acknowledge his own achievements, making you chuckle at him, “and I’ve been rewarded with three months of holidays so I shall be spending these months making up for the lost time and creating new memories” he completed, kissing your forehead.

"I never said I need you 24/7. A few hours at most would do John" you said, knowing how his absence would affect the black neos. 

"Yeah. But then I realised what if my baby girl mistakes hendery for her father. Can't let that happen now yeah!" 

Masked under jokes, you were very well aware of the real reasons behind the toil he had subjected himself to! It was all for you and your baby girl and you knew he would do it again and again even if it meant the end of his life!

TAEYONG

 From sharp cold deadly glare to the dragon tattoo that adorned his neck and arms, fellow criminals had every reason to fear this man. His name, in the underworld, screamed  cursed royalty. But that was Lee taeyong, leader of black neos.

The taeyong standing right in front of you, struggling with multiple boxes of boards was anything but scary. Cladded in baby blue hoodie and black boxers, he was reading the manual, knocking down the structure again and again as he repeatedly found something missing from it. 

"Leave it tae. I can complete this later on. Come and eat now." You whined and suggested while taking bites from the creamy pasta he had prepared earlier. 

"what do you mean i can complete this later on. Do you find me incapable of making a crib?"

Yes you did!

But that was not the answer you could give when he was clearly trying his hardest. It was indeed baffling as to why the man who could assemble a weapon with his left hand was unable to join the pieces of a crib with both!

"No tae. You were out for three days so maybe you are just too tired to concentrate!" You explained in the politest way possible that clearly didn't reach him properly. He let out an audible gasp at what felt for him to be the accusatory tone.

"Eat your pasta and watch me complete this in half an hour! You'd regret saying that to me!"

Why was he the one with mood swings?

Just like other bubbling thoughts, you gulped down this one too and nodded enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs up as if you would never doubt his capabilities.

But you knew, he might have started the task but he was surely not going to be the one to complete it!

YUTA

“How about sakura?” hyuck suggested. Looks of disapproval were exchanged across the room and sound of mark hitting hyuck’s arm resonated in the living room.

“Cliche!” jaehyun laughed.

“Yes. We aren't naming our daughter sakura and that is final. She’s one of a kind and her name should also be!” you announced your arrival in the room and sat on the floor, making yourself comfortable between yuta’s legs. He wrapped his arms around your belly before leaning his neck to greet you with a sweet cheek kiss.

“Yes. What y/n wants, y/n gets. No sakura!” he held his one hand up in the air, forbidding any further discussion on the name.

"That's not fair!" Hyuck whined only to be dismissed by a wave from you.

"Just because it's not hyuck's choice doesn't mean that you have got right to choose by yourself. The baby is a part of this family so we get to decide what's best for her!" Ten exclaimed loudly getting everyone’s attention.

“How about ayaka?” kun suggested, entering the room with a trolley full of snacks. As the recommendations poured in, the snacks were passed to everyone. Days like these were rare and from the past two months, these rare days were spent daydreaming about the very first child in the black neos house.

“Akira? It’s quite universal you know.” mark joined in, reading the meaning of the name in different cultures and languages.

“Haru”

“No kai!” 

Somewhere in the conversation, yuta’s hands had travelled from your tummy to your sides. He knew the little brushes of his fingers had started to work on you as you swatted his hand away with yours. It only encouraged him and he tickled you on your sides more and more, getting the desired reaction. Your body being more sensitive and responsive than usual, you wiggled in his arms and squealed loudly enough to get everyone’s attention. Suddenly his hands stopped as he heard a whiny shout.

“Why are you bugging her?” hyuck hollered, “can’t you sit still for once? Let her breathe for a freaking second. You wanna tickle! Tickle me. Come tickle me but Don’t bother her!” 

You were aware of hyuck’s sudden outbursts of protection for you but this was truly something new! And you new tickles were not the reasoning behind his irritation. Sakura was!

“Le-let’s play a game”, kun interrupted before haechan’s frustration would land him into some trouble with the elder, “we’ll write all the suggestions into paper and whichever y/n chooses would be final. How does it sound?” 

Everyone hummed along to the idea. Looking over at Hyuck, you noticed a sudden glint in his eyes that spoke trouble. He was clearly planning something evil and until it was all fun and games, you had no trouble for his intentions.

“Since when did you get a bodyguard hmm?” yuta whispered, planting another wet kiss on your right cheek. 

“Yua.” you said.

“What?”

“We are naming her yua! When are you gonna tell them that i’ve already decided!” leaning backwards, you said in a hushed voice meant only for his ears.

“When they are tired enough to play any more games. Till then, let’s have fun. Look at hyuck, he’s surely gonna cheat and mark and renjun are going to strangle him.” yuta chuckled against your ear, making you laugh again. Life was good!

TEN

“Xiaojun! Xiaojun! Show yourself you good for nothing potato!” you winced at the volume of ten’s voice. Even though he was outside the room, his vocals were irritating. But you held your tongue from scolding him as he was the only one you could rely on at the moment. 

“Xia-

“Did bella bite you again? why are you shouting at-” xiaojun squinted at the wall clock and adjusted his glasses, “at 5:30a.m?”

“Half of the world is up you hibernating bear! y/n is craving ice-cream. You know better than to refuse her so go to her. Your service starts right now.” 

Xiaojun scoffed and remained glued to the stairs. Ten raised a brow questioning him but instead of answering him xiaojun came up with one of his own.

“And why aren’t you going?” 

“Switchblade prince is called so I gotta go. I don’t think you want her to wait!.”

Xiaojun groaned when ten shot him a wink and left the living room. Of course he had no trouble in tending to your demands which as a medic, he understood very well but ten’s cockiness wasn’t something he was ever ready to handle.

“y/n! What does our prince wanted to eat this early in the morning?” he smiled at you, plopping down on the edge of the bed.

“Apples and bananas.” 

“I meant what ice cream flavour do you want?”

“Ice cream? Who said ice cream? I want bananas.” you answered him, confused at his confusion!

It was only then that xiaojun realised that switchblade prince was never called in the first place. Ten had fled. Due to fruits! He was contemplating as to what extent he should be manipulating ten’s words while telling you about his betrayal when you spoke up.

“Umm. i guess we can eat mint chocolate as well. I’ll eat a banana chocolate sandwich first then we can both watch a movie and finish the ice cream. What do you say?”

Ok!  Maybe revenge could wait. Ice cream would be a priority here! 

JAEHYUN

If your husband was cocky, you were seriously too many steps ahead of him and it has taken only 10 days for jaemin to realise that you were just jae's cup of tea and no one else's, at least not as a 4 months pregnant woman. 

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" Jaehyun laughed at jaemin sprawled on the floor like a toddler. 

"Noona screamed at me" jaemin mumbled, hiding his face in his neck.

"Oh jaemin! Why did she do it? Were you teasing her again. You know that she doesn't take sarcasm too we-

"No. She threw up the food i made for her and that too thrice since yesterday. I got angry so i told her to eat up or else i won't be making anymore for her. She threw the pillow at me and ordered me to never talk to her again! I mean it's not like i was showing real anger! She's hungry since yesterday. If she won't eat up then she'd be sick. What did I do wrong! Now I made her favourite pasta and she won't open the door for me."

Jaehyun sighed and crouched down to jaemin's level. He knew your emotions weren't in your control anymore but jaemin wasn't wrong either. He was just doing what was right for you and unintentionally, you had ended up hurting the poor boy. Jaehyun patted jaemin's hair before he told him to inform taeyong about his possible absence from the upcoming meetings and activities.

"You can't do that." Jaemin said the obvious.

"Do you want her to eat or not!" Jaemin frantically nodded at him before running off to the main office.

Heating up the pasta, jaehyun made his way to your shared bedroom in black neos. 

"Baby open up it's me!" He knocked at the door and hearing his voice,you immediately opened it. 

"You are here!" You exclaimed, feeling beads of moisture in the corner of your eyes.

"Aww. Now is not the time to cry." He cooed, entering the room with the tray. Placing it on the coffee table, he turned around and hugged you just the way he missed you.

"I'm sorry for being occupied and only coming back at night. But I'm here for a few days so let's get you all happy like a seal!" He laughed, ruffling your hair.

"I-i yelled at jaemin for no reason." You confessed not being aware that he was already filled in by the younger boy. 

"You wanna apologize?" You nodded as he squished your cheeks in his hands and leaned in to kiss your pouty lips. 

"Later on! Now's the time for evening lunch and getting this food in your tummy without it backfiring!" 

You laughed at how smoothly he eased your worries. After eating properly, you apologised to jaemin which he accepted but not before crying like a little boy he was!

Bonus :

KUN

"Yangyang what the heck are you doing near y/n. I told you to keep your meaningless books away from her!" Kun felt like his blood pressure would shot up anytime soon.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh really? What's the book that you are reading to her?"

"How to walk like a pro when you are only 2 months old! I want the baby to be high class like me."

Kun's hands found refuge in his hair as he groaned at the boy. Now he needed to read all the books that could possibly reverse yangyang's teachings.

"There is no such book available."

"Yeah that's why i wrote it by myself. Pulled an all nighter but when the baby would start walking at only 2 months of age, you'd thank me!"

#neowritingsnet #nct-writers #kafenetwork #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct reactions #nct 127 reactions #wayv reactions #wayv imagines #wayv scenarios #nct fluff #nct angst #nct father au #jaehyun scenarios #nct mafia #nct mafia reactions #wayv mafia #nct x reader #nct dream reactions

[hollyhomburg]

can u show what happens after the snipts and i'm curious about the tae x reader, pretty please my heart is broken from that angst but the way you wrote is beautiful

here is the next part!

SANDCASTLES: SNIPPETS IN SEQUENCE (3) (YOONMINJOONSEOK X READER) (TAEHYUNG X READER) (OMEGAVERSE AU) 

TAGS: angst, unplanned pregnancy, depression, loneliness, BETA! taehyung x reader

W/c: 3.5k

A/n: here you go! here are the beta Taehyung parts, as well as what happens immediately after she leaves the alphas and Jimin. The next part will be about what happens to them in the wake of her leaving, and I will say this; the next part has some heavy tags so be sure to watch out for those. ALSO- TAE IS THE VILLAN OF THIS STORY, but the beginning with him isn’t bad. he will eventually betray the reader so be prepared! 

- You cry yourself to sleep every night the first week in your new apartment. 

- It’s a nice place really, too nice- but your company had told you it was more than within your means when they booked it for you. and you can barely believe the first paycheck you get.  it has an extra bedroom and a kitchen with a retro-style but new appliances and molding on the ceiling in the old district, full of restaurants and coffee shops that you live off for the first few weeks. 

- You don’t have a bed frame yet, so your bed just sits on the carpeted floor.  Your boxes scattered around you, the one that holds some of your books acts as a nightstand.  Your new job isn’t that terrible- in fact they make every point to tell you how good it is to have someone capable fill the position, and how good you are at your job. 

- After so long it’s nice to feel appreciated. 

- You even make friends with two of the other women that work there, an omega female named Yeri, and an alpha female named Irene, who would have made you nervous if not for the mating mark clearly evident on her collar bone. 

- Despite the fact that they were slightly under you in the company, they both treated you, the new girl, with kindness. They even invited you to have lunch with them and get to know them on your second day and showed you around the company. 

- It wasn’t safe for an unmated omega in a new city they said, you ended up crying in the bathroom for a few hours after that- it used to be your dream to be marked by Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok, and for them to bear your and Jimin's mark. But now that dream could never come to fruition. 

- But they are kind- so kind. They don’t ask you where you came from or even if you have any family- keeping your conversations mostly on company gossip and pop culture. You end up going to see a movie with them in the second week. And by the end of the third, the three of you are the best of friends. 

- You’d never really had any friends that where girls- after all you’d always had Jimin, you’d never needed anyone else other than him until now. 

- You get a dresser and put your old phone (still turned off) in the top drawer once you get a company cellphone. You adjust well, your apartment overlooks a park and a small pond in the very middle of the bustling city. Your place of work is only 5 blocks away, and you find yourself enjoying your walk to work every morning. 

- But you’re miserable, you can't breathe in the smell of coffee without thinking of Yoongi and feeling sick to your stomach, every time you hear music you think of all the times both Jimin and Hoseok used to drag you to your feet to dance.  

- You cant even watch TV without your and Namjoon’s favorite documentary show coming on- or that drama you and Hoseok used to curl up and watch. - What’s more, is that it seems like you’re actually getting sick, your fever is raised and every time you go for lunch you end up vomiting it all back up a few minutes later. Even your favorite foods don’t stay down. you try to chalk it up to the stress of moving and being separated from your alphas (which has been known to happen in some omegas after they part with a pack, their instincts regecting their minds desire to stay away), but it seems like that's less the case the more time goes on. 

- It happens one day at work while you sit and eat your lunch with Yeri (Irene had a meeting during your usual lunch hour- but she told you not to wait for her). and you narrowly avoid vomiting on your new white blouse before you lean over and throw up your sandwich in the waste paper basket, a sudden wave of vomiting hits you so harshly that Yeri looks more than a little concerned. 

- After you assure her that yes- you’re going to the doctor soon about it, and yes you’ve been able to keep water down she gives you a final withering look before she offhandedly says, “fine just don’t go getting pregnant on me like Irene’s wife did- I swear now all the two of them ever want to do is watch baby TV and talk about their child’s poops.” 

- Throughout the rest of the day her words stick with you, and you end up going home at the end of the day only to pacing your apartment for a few hours,  before you head back out to the store to pick up a pregnancy test and some ice cream (because why not). 

- You pace around your small unfurnished living room as you wait for the stick to give you your results.You never expected to do this alone- in your mind someone was always here with you, you even expected to have all of them there. You wanted Jimin's hand on yours more than anything, you wanted to grow massive with him, and maybe raise your children together if you could. 

- You openly sob the stick comes back as positive, you pace around your apartment crying and thinking on your situation for the entirety of the night before you realize that you being pregnant does nothing to change your situation. this is the only time you strongly consider turning on your old phone. you didn’t know if there would even be messages waiting from you- probably from Jimin, but not from any of the others you’re sure. 

- Out of all of them- it has to be namjoon’s, you think back to the time in the kitchen, how your front was pressed to the granite, how it felt impersonal, how you’d sent the email for your job immediately after. that was probably the day you got pregnant. 

- the more you think about it, the more you're sure. you put your phone away and don’t turn it on. Why would they want you now? if anything this would only make them hate you more. they where good people, and they wouldn’t have let you do this alone, especially Jimin.  but They would resent being tied to a pregnant omega that they weren’t mated too or even in love with- that you were sure of. 

- you imagine it briefly, sure- you’d have them in your life, but only so far as your child would have a parent in Namjoon, and uncles in the rest. you imagine the awkward doctors visits, the offers to pay, needing to share your child between here and Seoul. whatever children they’d have one day with Jimin, would be cousins to yours, and whatever children he’d have with Namjoon. well- they’d have the love of all the alphas, not just Namjoon. and you don’t want your child to feel any less loved because of your mistakes. 

- So You’d have to raise your child alone, in a city that you barely knew. Without any support system. Sure your new friend were great but they were so new. So to distract yourself from your situation, the fact that you’re going to do all of this alone, and the fact that you left your baby’s father- You drown yourself in work, staying later than anyone else consistently, falling into your bed exhausted. 

- You go to your prenatal appointments alone, and when you start getting cravings, there’s no one to lean over to in the middle of the night and ask for chocolate sauce and watermelon, or barbecue mayonnaise and mac and cheese fries, you get up and do it yourself. 

- By week 5 of your pregnancy, your hormones have started to change enough that one day you walk into work and Yeri almost screams in happiness, congratulating you and jumping in your arms when she notices how your scent has changed. It’s only when she pulls back and sees your withdrawn sad expression that she says, “oh honey…” and Irene slaps her on the arm lightly as she tries to broach the topic of the father. They both know you live alone by now.

- you notify your boss, and you almost pass out when they offer you nearly 4 months of maternity leave. they seem determined to treat you well. it helps that your ceo is also an omega. 

- By about 12 weeks- you’re starting to show significantly enough that people on the train start to give you the priority seat when you were tight clothes. You show Enough that you begin to fiddle with your old phone again. You get close several times to turning it on-But in the end you never do. Preferring to leave it in the drawer of the nightstand next to your bed right next to the picture of them. 

- “You can do this, there are plenty of single omega parents, it’s not like it used to be” the doctor and the clinic that you go too for your prenatal appointments assures you when the other omega finally asks if they’ res a father or another mother in the picture. 

- And you’re not over what happened by any means but things slowly start to get better. 

- You don’t cry randomly as much, you start coming home earlier and going on walks- the doctor said it was good for the baby. On the weekends you go to this fresh fruit market, sometimes with Irene and her wife and child, making a day out of it. 

- And you enjoy the little child as he reaches up for your stomach, patting on it gently and slurring the words “baby out now!” that causes all of you to giggle and Irene’s wife apologizes- saying that their little Eun just loves babies more than anything. 

- Your life is nice, calm. There is a tense atmosphere in your apartment, though you do buy a few plants, and a few poster pictures to put on the white walls. slowly the space starts to feel like yours.  You paint the spare room the lightest shade of robins egg blue and add puffy white clouds to the walls with Yeri, giggling and laughing harder than you have in months as she accidentally splashes paint onto her face. 

- Your relationship with a kind and soft beta named Taehyung starts simply and in the most cliché way possible.

- You accidentally ran into him while coming home from the grocery store, your belly barely showing through a baggy sweatshirt. Two paper bags in either arm. One of the bags rips when he bumps into you. his other coming up to stop you from falling backward, his arm like iron, his hands digging into you to steady you. all of a sudden your whole body flush with warmth. 

- Tae is an absolute gentleman, picking up your weird assortment of food in his hands and walking the few blocks to your tiny apartment. you feel surprisingly safe with the stranger, your instincts have been in overdrive since your body started to adjust to your pregnancy, and they’re something about Tae’s scent that immediately settles your stomach. 

It goes surprisingly well, there is something so gentlemanly about his deep voice and his quiet smile that makes you feel so relaxed. His beta scent- the smell of clean laundry (beta’s always smelled clean) definitely has something to do with it. not his pretty jaw or his delicate style. 

- You invite him in for some iced tea and you spend a few minutes chatting, now that the bags not in front of your stomach, Tae can see why you seemed so unsteady on your feet. You expect it to scare him away- but he doesn’t mention you're obvious condition until he’s about to leave. Handing you a small slip of paper with his number on it. 

- He touches your shoulder softly. “I live in the area so If you ever need any help- please don’t hesitate to call me.” by now he has scented the room, know by the lack of a competing scent as well as the lack of a bite on your shoulder that you’re alone. that you don't have anyone. 

- You pin the number to the old fashion fridge and try to forget about it. After all, tae was more than a little flirty and you’re in no position to even want to date anyone right now. But when you finally call it’s more about needing help than wanting to see him. Though seeing him was an added bonus. 

- He helps you move your refrigerator after an important document falls behind it, the literal social security card that you can't reach or get at. And he’s sweaty sipping more of your ice tea when he says, “I hoped that when you finally called me it would be for a date and not to rescue your medical stuff behind your dusty fridge.”

- “You don’t want to date me tae,” you say, your hand hovering over your stomach. He looks at your tummy too, sicking in his lower lip. 

- “No I’m sure that I do” he says, taking your hand in his before he says softly, his warm brown eyes piercing into you as he looks through his black bangs “I don’t know what you’re dealing with, I don’t know who or what you’re running from, but trust me when I saw that I really, really want to take you out on a date- at least once.” 

- You relent and agree to go visit a night market with him- one of the hallmarks of this city that you hadn’t yet indulged in.He buys you ice cream and fried mac and cheese and doesn’t criticize you when you dunk your French fries in your chocolate Sunday. In fact, he joins in- letting you dunk one in his Oreo mango ice cream. 

- You listen to Tae talk about his job; you find out that he owns a pair of café’s the first one that he inherited from his grandmother, the second one that he opened last year after the first one did so well. Business is booming so much that he’s contemplating opening a third. the cafe is just between your apartment and your job, it’s no wonder that you never ran into him sooner. 

- You promise to come to try his berry macaroons that are apparently the best in town. He starts to talk about coffee but then a glance down to your stomach reminds him that you can’t have that- and he switches to boba tea

- You sit in the warm summer air listening to a live band before you go to walk along the river, the lights reflecting off the water like one of van Goh's paintings. You’re laughing at some joke Tae tells you when he leans over surprisingly and kisses you, you recoiled a little, more surprised than displeased. 

- “I’m sorry- you just looked so…. i’m sorry- I rushed you didn’t I, shit- y/n I’m so-” 

- “I don’t know what you want from me Tae,” you say gesturing to your stomach, he starts to look abashed and ashamed, but then relents at your soft expression “but if we’re going to see each other like that, then you have to know that I miss them.” You say softly while looking out at the water, your hand hovering over your swollen stomach.  

- “them?” he asks, looking surprised, you nod, “them.”  

- “And I’m not going to stop missing them, probably for a long while. I think I always will. And if you’re ok with that- if you don’t mind-” Tae reaches up, running a hand across your face and you find yourself leaning into his touch, its been so long since anyone’s touched you with any affection. Your body is so hungry, so needy for it.

- “I don’t care who else is in your heart, I only want a place in It.” Tae says after a moment. Leaning his forehead against yours.

- You and tae start casually seeing each other, you stop by his coffee shop most days before work, it’s a street off from your company’s main building, and Tae always has a bag of coffee cake or a plate full of raspberry tarts for you, he pushes away your money with a lopsided grin the makes your heart beat rapidly.  He even steps away during the busiest times to sit with you and just talk. 

- Sometimes he plops your feet up on his lap and massages your swollen ankles, his smiles sweeter than the pastries, not taking no for an answer until you’ve tried every kind the café offers at least twice because he wants to know which are your favorite. 

- One-night Taehyung finds your photo of all of them and your old cellphone in your dresser. And you're just trying to crack an egg into a pan when he comes out holding it. you almost drop the carton when he asks you who they are. 

- He sits you down and you start breathing heavily and tells you that you don’t need to tell him- he sends a concerned look at your stomach, and that it doesn't matter if it's going to make you upset. you don't mean to have a panic attack but really, turning around and seeing your...your boyfriend holding the picture of your baby daddy just suprised you. 

- tae looks like he honestly wants to know, So you launch into the story of your best friend who you’ve loved and will love until the day you die. Cradle to grave and all that. 

- Fuck you miss jimin so much. You miss them all, Hoseok, yoongi and Namjoon. He laughs like Namjoon did when you tell him childhood stories of you and jimin and listens eagerly as you tell him about your college experience and trying to stay away. 

- He’s a little quieter when he learns about the alpha’s that you love while you point at their faces in the picture and smile. He smiles a little though when you start listing off the things about them that you love. And he gets a little sadder when he realizes it will always be love- And not loved. 

- your love for them hasn’t faded. not in all these months apart. 

- He wishes you would move on from them. Wishes he was the only one who had ever made a home out of your heart. But he understands why you can’t- you’re carrying his child after all. The one with the gray hair in the photo, you tell him as much. 

- he touches the photograph softly, “I understand why you miss them so much- it must have been so nice having so many people to love you and to love them back.”

- “it really was.” 

- “I wish I was worth that” Taehyung says softly, his face downturned. You kiss away his worries, “you are tae- never think you’re not worth it- because you are.” he pulls you to him and kisses your forehead as his mind turns your words over in his head. 

- maybe your words have a double meaning, maybe maybe, runs through his head. And he shakes off thoughts of other omega’s and directs his attention to you. 

- “so are we going to eat dinner together or what? Should I call for takeout”

- But no matter where you go home too at night, no matter how good things are with Tae, you can’t help but think about Namjoon’s arms encircling your waist, about Yoongi’s quiet roll of his knuckles against your side in a silent hello.  

- About Hoseok’s sweet kisses and how he would take your hand in his and drag you up from wherever you were sitting to slow dance with you around your kitchen when you were sad, and how it would eventually devolve into giggles and awkward butt wiggles.

- Nothing like how it was when you left when Hoseok would barely look at you- and if he did even look at you, it would only be with disdain and anger so severe that it would make you shake.

- But most of all you miss Jimin, the way he would hang on Namjoon’s thighs while gripping yours, how when he would laugh he would throw himself onto your shoulder to hide his closed-eyed smile in your skin. the way you’d smell so much like each other you could hardly distinguish your scents anymore. 

- The first night you sleepover at Taehyung’s house you end up waking up in the middle of the night and reaching out for another set of arms. 

- Taehyung wakes up too you wearing his silk robe and crying on his balcony, where you went to hide your sobs, he runs his hands up and down your arms while talking to you quietly, saying that you should come inside. 

- That the cold is bad for the baby, and he’s right, you’re shaking like a leaf and your belly has grown so much in the past month. You’re nearly 5 months along- you’ve only known tae for a few months, but he already wants to tell you he loves you. He already loves you and the baby- it doesn’t matter that he’s not the father. 

- But what you don’t know is that at that moment, Jimin is doing the same thing, crying on a balcony, feeling unable to go back inside as he looks out over the view that the two of you used to love. He remembers how you would drag the alphas out onto the balcony to eat dinner or play a game or just sitting, talking as you looked at the city. 

- Because the apartment inside doesn’t feel like it used to- try as he might it doesn’t feel like home anymore, because you’re not there and everything is slowly falling apart- has been for months, and by now Jimin feels like he’s falling apart too. 

- It feels like he’s been watching a train wreck in slow motion since you left.

------------------------------------  

(once again! this series will never be finished! just fyi!) 

#sandcastles #bts poly au #bts a/b/o #bts angst #sandcastles; snippets #Anonymous

[calumcest]

“Did anyone else just see that?” with literally any pairing I just know I’ll love whatever you write and this is a fun prompt that could go so many ways! (Only is you’re still in the mood for writing)

maggie i will literally do anything for u always 

-

Before Luke lived on a tour bus, he thought it sounded cool as fuck. Being on a bus, travelling the world, with his three best mates? Away from any responsibilities or anyone (bar Ashton, who sometimes puts his stern ‘I feel like I should disapprove of this’ face on) to hold him responsible? If Luke’s honest with himself, it was a solid thirty percent of the reason he wanted to be in a band. 

As an over-excited fifteen-year-old, however, he’d failed to take into account that bunks are really fucking cramped little spaces, that a bus isn’t really the ideal place for a group of six-foot-something guys in their twenties to be crammed together like sardines, that Michael doesn’t shower nearly as much as he claims he does, and that really, when they’re out in the middle of nowhere with no internet or data connection, it’s pretty fucking boring. 

“Hey,” he says, somewhere between English City A and English City B. “Let’s play a game.” 

“Yeah,” Michael mumbles, from where he’s curled up on Calum’s lap. “How about a round of ‘shut the fuck up, Luke’?” 

“Michael,” Ashton says reprovingly, with a frown. 

“Ashton,” Michael mocks, and then Calum frowns, and nudges Michael with his shoulder. Michael sighs, all long-suffering, but shuts up. 

“What game?” Calum says, because he always humours Luke, and that’s why he’s at least second on Luke’s list of favourite band members. 

“How about I Spy?” Luke suggests. Michael rolls his eyes. 

“Are you five?” he says. 

“Do you hate fun?” Luke shoots back. 

“If it involves having to look at the English countryside, yeah,” Michael retorts. Luke scowls. 

“It’s not that bad,” he says, stealing a glance out of the window to find out that it is, in fact, that bad. It’s absolutely pouring with rain, grey sky dull and lifeless, and the flat fields that they’re driving past look exactly the same as the ones they saw two hours ago. 

“I’ll play with you,” Ashton says, shooting Michael another reproachful look. 

“I’ll play,” Calum says, although he sounds like he’s doing it as a favour. Luke hopes he’s not going to call it in later. Last time Calum had cashed in a favour from Luke it had ended with Luke spending a night in a cell. 

“Fucking hell, fine,” Michael grumbles, because he can’t stand to not be involved in something, even if he hates said something. 

“I’ll start,” Calum says, before Michael has the chance to cut in and say something like I spy with my little eye, something beginning with D. Dickhead. “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with L.” 

“Luke,” Michael says immediately. “Easy. I spy with my li-”

“No, not Luke,” Calum interrupts. 

“Lamp,” Luke says. Calum shakes his head. 

“Loins,” Ashton suggests, and Calum, Michael and Luke all whip around to stare at him. “What?” he says defensively. “There are loins here.” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Calum says, in disbelief. “What the fuck is a loin?”

“Isn’t that, like, dicks?” Michael says. Ashton shrugs. 

“I think it’s your abs,” he says. 

“You can’t fucking suggest something if you don’t know what it means,” Michael says. 

“Why not?” Ashton demands. 

“Because-” Michael doesn’t seem to have thought his argument through, so he just throws his hands in the air. One of them catches Calum’s chin on the way up, making him hiss and jerk away. 

“Ow, fucker,” he says, rubbing at his chin. “Watch where you put your fucking hands.” 

“Weren’t saying that last night,” Michael says, with a leer and a glint in his eyes, and Luke takes that as his cue to tune out of the conversation and stare out of the window. 

It’s kind of pretty, actually, he thinks, once you get used to it. There’s something sort of beautiful in the way the flat grey light spreads evenly across the green fields, broken up by irregular and jagged walls that look centuries old, the way the hills roll from one to the next, the way the twisting streams seem almost alive with the relentless rain. It’s not somewhere Luke would ever choose to be, miles away from his warm, sandy home comforts, but it’s something he can appreciate nonetheless. 

Suddenly, a streak of bright light flashes through the sky - just for a moment, falling so fast that Luke doesn’t even register what it is until it’s gone - and he gasps, whipping back around to face Ashton, Michael and Calum.

“Did anyone else just see that?” Luke asks, eyes wide. He’s never seen a fucking shooting star before. 

“-as if I- what?” Michael says, breaking off to turn to Luke. 

“A shooting star!” Luke says, grinning, and he knows he sounds like an overexcited kid but fucking hell, a shooting star? 

“Shooting stars only happen at night,” Michael says, like Luke’s an idiot. 

“No, I saw a video of one during the day,” Calum says. “In Russia, I think.”

“Wait, are we in Russia?” Michael says. 

“No, England.” 

“Well, then it wasn’t a shooting star, was it?” Calum rolls his eyes. 

“Just because I saw it on a video about Russia doesn’t mean it’s exclusive to Russia-” he begins, and Ashton rolls his eyes and sits down next to Luke. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze, since the sofa’s only so big and Luke’s growth hormones didn’t get the memo about it, but Luke doesn’t mind. There are worse fates than being pressed arm-to-arm, leg-to-leg against Ashton Irwin. 

“I’ve never seen a shooting star,” Ashton remarks, after a moment, staring out of the window. 

“Me either,” Luke says. “Until just now, I mean.” Ashton hums noncommittally, and Luke watches his eyes follow a raindrop make its way down the window of the bus.  

“Did you make a wish?” Ashton asks after a minute. Luke shakes his head. 

“Didn’t realise what it was fast enough,” he says. 

“What would you have wished for?” Ashton asks, and Luke hesitates. 

He’s got almost everything he wants. He’s got the band - his best friends, his career, his independence - he gets to travel the world, gets to make an impact, have an influence, be someone. He’s got money, fame, stability, a family who love him, homes on both sides of the planet. On the face of it, he’s got pretty much everything. 

But he doesn’t have Ashton. 

He can’t say that, though. He can’t sit there, with Michael and Calum still bickering across the aisle, and say I would’ve wished for you. He can’t tell Ashton, because it could throw all those things he’s mentally listed just now - fame, fortune, friends - into jeopardy. Everything is balanced on the knife’s edge that is Luke keeping his mouth firmly shut, his heart firmly sealed. 

“Dunno,” he says, casting his gaze down to his thighs. 

“You don’t?” Ashton says. 

“Well, what would you wish for?” Luke deflects. “What do you wish for when you’ve got almost everything?” Ashton shrugs. 

“I don’t have almost everything,” he says. “I’m still not the person I want to be. I flare up too quickly, take too long to come back down.” 

“You’d wish for a better temper?” Luke says dubiously. 

“No,” Ashton says. “I’m just saying. I don’t have almost everything.” 

“Well, if not your temper, then what?” Luke pushes, because he’s interested now. Ashton shrugs again, but it’s a little uncomfortable this time. 

“Something I know I can never have,” he says, eyes flitting from the window to Luke and back again. 

“Like what, the Mona Lisa?” Ashton’s gaze flicks back to Luke, and he stares at him. 

“The fucking Mona Lisa?” he says, in disbelief. “You think the first time I see a shooting star I’m going to wish for the Mona fucking Lisa?” 

“It was just an example,” Luke says defensively. “What else can you never have? You can buy pretty much anything else.” Ashton's mouth twists in a humourless grin, and he tears his gaze away from Luke again. 

“Not everything, Luke,” he says, and it sounds like he’s chiding him. “Don’t forget that.” 

“No, I know,” Luke says, feeling like he’s being told off somehow. “I just. I meant, like.” He waves his hands around, like it’s going to express his point for him. There’s a reason he’s never been much of a fucking lyricist. 

“I know,” Ashton says, because he does. He always knows what Luke means, even when Luke doesn’t, and it’s part of what makes it so fucking hard. “You’d better come up with a good wish before you see another shooting star, though.”

“I’ve got one,” Luke says, without thinking. 

“Oh?” Ashton says, arching an eyebrow, interest piqued. Luke shrugs uncomfortably. 

“Yeah,” he says, and then, when it becomes clear Ashton’s waiting for more: “Something I can never have, too, I guess.” There’s an edge of bitterness that laces his words, but he can’t help it. He’s pretty sure unrequited love is a good enough reason to be bitter at the world. 

Ashton hums, looking back out of the window at the rapidly-darkening sky, and holds his hand out, fingers splayed. Luke takes it, slotting his fingers in between Ashton’s, and squeezes when Ashton’s hand closes around his own. 

“Imagine if we were both wishing for the same thing,” Ashton says, sounding a little wistful, and Luke huffs out an only-half-humourless laugh. 

“Yeah,” he says, a little sadly. “Imagine.” 

Ashton squeezes his hand, tracing his thumb over Luke’s, and Luke closes his eyes and sends out a belated wish, just in case. 

#lashton #drabbles #ok this turned out weirdly angsty but like...not angsty just idiots making themsleves angsty for no reason #also for the anons that requested the same prompt w lashton! #why do i have parklife by blur stuck in my head #awwwwwwwwwwl the peepolllllll #upsetting cos thats literally almost my accent but anyway #the minute i open my mouth you know i'm from south london #calumsclifford #helen answers

[peachysnows]

Rich || pt.2

Reader (you) x Jaebum

Word Count: 2.5K

Warnings: suggestive content

note: omg sorry for the crappy chapter. i have a headache and my day ain’t going well but u know, we love a new update! enjoy!

About the Author ||  pt.1

-------------------

“Jinyoung, I can sleep somewhere else.” I continued to plead. “I’ll be fine, don't worry.” 

Living with a person whom I was unfamiliar scared me. All of a sudden, it has been decided that I would stay with Jaebum. How did I not get a say in this? The uneasy knot in my stomach made me uncomfortable. Honestly, I didn't want to live anywhere else except Jinyoung's place. Even if his parents hated me, I would rather sleep in his bed than the sheets of a complete stranger.

“(Y/N), Jaebum is a good man. Trust him. He's the boss’ son so he's pretty well mannered.” Jinyoung reassured me as the soft palms of his hands took mine. The heat in my cheeks started flare as Jinyoung’s touch faded out my worrisome thoughts. It was only Jinyoung and I in an elevator; alone. No one else could disturb us. And that was what I wanted.   

“Boss’ son?” I chuckled under my breath. “Let me guess, he's from a rich family too.”

“Well his father owns the company, babe. Of course.” Jinyoung smiled as his arms slowly tugged my waist. His face tucked in the crook of my neck, his breathe sending shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes and embraced his scent.

“Jinyoung.” I breathed out as I felt his fingers trickle down towards my ass, giving it a good squeeze. I slightly gasped under my breath as Jinyoung continued to touch me. My heart was rapidly racing. Every touch was fire and I craved for more. The warmth of his breath on my neck only heightened my feelings as he moved his face merely inches away from mine.

“I trust him enough to take care of you, babe. You know I wouldn't let any man lay a hand on you. It's just for a few days then, I can have you all for myself.” Jinyoung whispered as his lips grazed against mine. 

I leaned in, connecting our lips together. The soft lips moved against mine, sending heat down my body. His fingers brushed through my hair before gripping it tightly. I moaned against his lips, focusing on how close his body was to me. My hands touched his soft cheeks, pulling him closer as we shared a passionate kiss. As expected, the moment was ruined as the elevator soon came to a stop. Simultaneously, we both pulled away from each other, both cheeks flushed with lust.

“Text me before you go to sleep.” Jinyoung whispered in my ear before planting a soft kiss on my cheek. 

“If I make it to bed alive.” I joked as I left Jinyoung in the elevator, walking into a wide parking lot. Sighing to myself, I waited for Jaebum to pull up with his car, just like he told me a few minutes ago. Taking in a deep breath, I tried to fan my face to get rid of the red cheeks I had after the makeout session with Jinyoung. A loud engine echoed in the parking lot, making its presence known. Sooner or later, a black car pulled up with the windows rolled down. 

“Get in the car. We don't have all day.” Jaebum stated inside the car.

“How flattering.” I rolled my eyes as I entered the car. “Is this how you greet your guests?” 

I was only answered with silence as he pressed on the gas petal and drove off. Only the radio playing in the background and his loud engine filled the void. I shuffled uncomfortably and looked outside the night sky. Right now, only the stars could give me comfort in this situation. To think of it, I had no one else to turn to except Jinyoung; my shining prince.

“Flustered?” I heard Jaebum chuckled under his breath, breaking the silence. “Don't worry, I'll keep your dirty little secret.” 

“Excuse me?” I exclaimed, raising my voice in disbelief. Self-consciously, my hands touched my face as I felt heat rise up again. 

“You and Jinyoung. Is this a friend with benefit thing or are you secretly dating behind the Park family?” Jaebum asked, slightly smirking as he drove rather quickly down the road.  

“I'm not answering that.” I replied coldly as I played with the fabric of my shirt. As Jinyoung mentioned, Jaebum was, or should be, a well-mannered guy. Yet, right now, Jaebum was pinching on every single of my nerves with his arrogant attitude. If he wasn’t a stranger, I would’ve already yelled at him for putting his nose in my business. How on earth did he know that Jinyoung and I had a thing for each other? It wasn’t that obvious was it?

“You’ll answer it eventually with your actions.” Jaebum said. I rolled my eyes and kept silent throughout the whole ride. Jaebum was adding on to the problems I had to deal with for the next few days. Not the ideal environment I would like to be in. However, his ignorant words were something I had to get used to. Although, he may be incredibly sexy, he was someone that played with girls’ heart. And I could see it in his eyes.

We arrived at a large gate that covered most of the area. Jaebum had to press a few buttons on the side before the gate opened to reveal a large modern house. The roof was flat and there was no visible chimney. The front door was metallic and opened with both a keypad and biometric scanner. Immediately, I hopped off the car and admired the house. Once again, proving to me that only rich men could afford such a breathtaking place. 

To add onto my fascination, the interior matched the exterior. The walls were fashionable shades of white and the floor polished concrete. There was no clutter of shoes or jackets, no clutter of any kind. The only organic matter in sight were white orchids on the dark cherry coffee table. The kitchen was large enough for an army of chefs, there were two ovens and acres of brown flecked white granite on which to prepare food. It was bigger than Jinyoung’s house and much prettier. Then I thought to myself, maybe it wasn’t so bad living here.

“Get comfortable. Do whatever you want. Your room is on the second floor to your right.” Jaebum firmly stated before he walked off in the other direction and into a room. I sighed to myself as I tried to soak in the situation. If this was how I’m going to live for the next few days, I better get used to it.  

I stood for a few moments, contemplating on my next move. I concluded on getting food as it was the only thing that made me happy. What I’ve seen at Jinyoung’s place were chefs roaming around the kitchen, preparing meals for him. Jaebum had no one in his kitchen. This could mean that he cooked his own meals or that his maids went home. I shrugged to myself as I started to open cupboards to find food.

I can cook for myself. No need for fancy maids, I thought as I roamed around.

“What are you doing?” A voice from behind asked, causing me to slightly flinch. I turned around to look at Jaebum leaning against the wall. His black shirt was half buttoned down, exposing the slightest skin of his chest. A few pieces on his hair hung down onto his face, hiding the fact that he was exhausted. I couldn’t lie to myself saying that he didn’t look good. Jaebum looked incredibly seductive. The way he leaned on the wall with his arms crossed as his eyes scanned my actions, made me feel fuzzy. However, I couldn’t let that distract me. My heart was with Jinyoung and it will remain that way. 

“You said I can do whatever I want. So, I’m cooking.” I stated as I grabbed two packs of ramen I found in the cupboards.

“You’re cooking two bowls of ramen. How are you going to finish it all?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I looked at him and raised the two packets in my hands, giving him an unimpressed look. 

“One for you. One for me.” I huffed out as I continued to search for utilities in the kitchen. 

“I don’t eat at around this time, baby girl.” Jaebum smirked as he ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling it a bit. God, why did every little thing he did made my heart skip a beat? The rough, messy look on him only enhanced his visuals. I couldn’t tell if my hormones were acting up but, Jaebum knew how to make a girl weak to the knees. 

“Good,” I beamed at him, ignoring my thoughts, “More for me.”

I heard Jaebum chuckle under his breath before exiting the kitchen. Taking in a deep breath, I shook my head and started to cook two bowls of ramen. A small part of me wanted Jaebum to come back to keep me company. His powerful presence had an effect and I wanted more. Yet, suddenly, I asked myself why I was doing this. Jaebum was a stranger, who invited me inside my house, and was a complete asshole. And here I am thinking about him joining me for dinner and keeping me entertained with his visuals.

Snap out of it, I thought to myself as I started to cook. I can’t let Jaebum mess with my feelings, especially when I was dealing with some problems myself. 

Pouring out a serving for myself, I sat down with my phone in hand and started to eat my ramen. I texted Jinyoung for, hoping to get some company since Jaebum had left me on my own. Beginning to get bored, I searched up different banks that could loan me money. If I can’t do anything at the moment, at least I can find something that could. My own thoughts were interrupted by the distant footsteps approaching the kitchen. My eyes slightly looked up from my screen to see Jaebum mindlessly wandering around the area. 

“I thought you didn’t eat around this time.” I said, looking down at my phone again.  

“Well it smelt good from my office and it made me hungry.” Jaebum replied as he took the pot from the stove and sat down in front of me.  

“Good thing I made extras.” I stated, looking down at my phone again. We both ate in silence as I tried to distract myself with my phone. His aura was making my heart race. Just the thought of him and his messy hair made my head go wild. I had to resist myself from looking at Jaebum. Otherwise, my heart would be strained from this new feeling. It was strange because I never had that kind of feeling with Jinyoung before. And here, sitting in front of me, was a man who made me feel different emotions. He hasn’t even touched me, and I’m already wanting more of him. 

Mentally, I shook away the thoughts that clouded my head and tried to finish my meal. No one could make me feel eccentric but Jinyoung. I had to remind myself. Not even this stranger that I’ve only met for a few hours. However, I may have spoken too soon. 

I was almost done with my meal until the soft, yet rough skin of his calloused fingers came in contact with the corner of my mouth. I looked up, in shock, as I watched Jaebum wipe away the food stuck on my face. Suddenly, I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I observed Jaebum. 

“Wha-”

“You had food on your mouth.” Jaebum smiled as he sat back down on his seat and continued to eat his meal. How could he act so calm and collected?  Did he know what kind of effect he had on me? It was only one touch yet, my whole body reacted. A rush of acceleration spread from my heart as his hand came in contact with my face. Was it bad that I wanted more? 

“Uh, thanks.” I mumbled out of my mouth as I quickly stood up from my seat. Why was I feeling so aroused at the moment? Was it Jaebum’s stare or was it from the ramen? At this point, I couldn’t decipher what I was feeling. Maybe a quick shower could help me sort my thoughts. 

Quickly putting away my bowl, I scurried away and tried to find the bathroom, hoping to get rid of Jaebum from my mind. Finally arriving to one, I stripped my clothes and turned on the facet of the shower. Stepping inside the marbled stone, the warm water flowed from my face down to my body. I pressed my forehead and hands against the cold, tiled wall as I close my eyes. Why? Why does it have to be him? My lovers’ best friend. I wanted to bang my head against the wall, hoping to remove these thoughts from my head. Instead, I focused on cherishing the feeling of warm water hitting my back. I took my time to relax in the warm water as I slowly cleaned my body. And what seemed like an hour, I stepped outside the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. 

Taking a peek outside the bathroom door, planning an escape route without getting caught. Since I had only a towel wrapped around my naked body, I had to run quickly to my room. Gently closing the door, I walked slowly down the large hallway. Then making a sharp turn, I came into contact with a large figure.

“What the fuck?” I cursed under my breath as I started to realize I was losing my balance due to my soaked feet. I gripped my towel, holding it together as I felt arms wrapped around my waist. 

Jaebum’s eyes came into contact with mine as he pulled me up. His hands were burning fire as he continued to maintain his grip. And just like that, we were inches away from each other. His piercing eyes made their way down to my parted lips. My heart began to race as he continued to look at me with those gentle eyes. Leaning in, his finger touched the bottom of my chin, nudging me to look up at him. 

At this moment, I started to feel ecstatic. My breath started to become heavier as Jaebum’s lips were so close to mine. This was a new feeling I never had with Jinyoung. I wanted his lean body to press against mine. I wanted his calloused hand to feel every part of my body until I was weak to my knees. I wanted his pink lips to press against mine and kiss until my lips bruised. Beyond this point, lust guided me to a place I wanted to explore. Without even thinking, I leaned in… 

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 writing #got7 fic #got7 fanfic #got7 smut #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #jaebum #got7 jaebeom #jaebum scenarios #jinyoung #park jinyoung #jinyoung scenarios #youngjae #yugyoem #bambam #mark tuan #jackson wang

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover 👮🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really  don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive  and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: 🙄 Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand  'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶👧👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I  keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]

[tommyparkerr]

Promises BONUS II | Peter Parker x Reader

I’m back with a second bonus y’all! Some of you have been asking for it, so here it is! I want to thank @laureharrier for being both my hype woman and the one keeping me sane when Tumblr decides to throw all kinds of sh*t at me like the little sh*t it is.

Anyways, sorry about that (I still have some residual anger leftover from my *situation*, so...yeah)! There’ll only be one more bonus left after this (at least, from what I have planned), but thank you to all of you who are sticking with me after all this time! This is for you!:)

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: Tears (but happy ones), Peter being a little sh*t, Irondad, fluff, and basically everything soft that doesn’t constitute a warning

-Masterlist-

P R O M I S E S  -  B O N U S  T W O :

Tony wasn’t sure what’d woken him at first. His heart wasn’t racing and he wasn’t sweating, so it wasn’t from a nightmare; his mind was strangely quiet along with the rest of the Tower, so it wasn’t because of the noise; Pepper was sleeping peacefully next to him, a soft smile on her face, so it wasn’t because of his wife’s missing presence.

He didn’t know why he’d woken up. But he did know that he wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon.

As quiet as possible, Tony carefully rolled out of bed and exited the bedroom, headed toward the kitchen where he could make himself some coffee at—he glanced at the clock—two-thirty in the morning. However, his plans changed when he went to pass through what was supposed to be an empty living room. 

The faint sound of a turning page caused him to stop in his tracks, looking toward the noise. 

A figure sat curled up on the couch (well, as curled up as she could be with a pregnant belly), glasses on her face and hair in a half-hearted bun as she intently read whatever book was in her hands. Tony’s chest went warm at the sight of his daughter-in-law wearing his son’s baggy MIT sweatshirt and old gym shorts.

After a couple moments’ of debating whether he should tiptoe back to his room and leave her be, he decided there was never a better time than 2:30am to get some bonding time in with his adopted daughter.

God, Rhodey was right—he had gone soft.

“You do realize it’s 2:30 in the morning, right?” he asked, keeping his voice low enough not to disturb the others on the floor but loud enough for Y/N to hear. She startled, whipping her head around and straightening up to peek over the back of the couch. She looked relieved to see it was him (versus Peter, he was guessing, who was more than overprotective of his wife and child-to-be at this point in the pregnancy) and relaxed immediately, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose.

“I do.”

“Then why are you still up?” he said with a raised eyebrow. “Isn’t being nine months pregnant supposed to make you tired all the time or something?”

Y/N smirked. “I’m pretty sure the same applies to being old, Grandpa Pops.”

Tony raised his hands in surrender, chuckling as he went on his original route to the kitchen. “Touché, Ms. Parker.”

Other than a small laugh from her, the soft sounds of Tony getting the tea kettle out, and the turning of pages, the room went quiet again. Though his daughter was hiding the dark circles under her eyes far too expertly for him to be comfortable with, Tony was used to the technique of using humor to cover up whatever he was facing—whether that be sleep deprivation, a constant state of anxiety, or visions of being thrown into his worst nightmares over and over again, he knew the tactic well, and he wasn’t about to let someone else get away with it.

He wondered if maybe this was why he’d woken up.

When the tea was finished (no coffee since Tony knew Y/N couldn’t have much caffeine), he traipsed over to the couch and offered one of the steaming mugs to the obviously exhausted woman across from him. She laid her book down and took it with a grateful smile, muttering a small, “Thank you,” and taking a sip. They drank in silence for awhile, looking out the window at the nightscape of New York City. Tony saw it every night, but rarely did he take the time to appreciate it; now, with nothing else to do, he could. As he turned to look at the girl beside him, looking unusually small in Peter’s clothes (where he remembered the MIT sweatshirt had once been his, but Peter had stolen it years ago before he went to school and had now seemingly made its way down to the next person), he couldn’t help but open his mouth.

“Sometimes I forget that you married into this family,” Tony said softly, seeing her confused look out of the corner of his eye. “You have so much Parker in you that it’s like you’ve been here all along. I can barely remember the days you and Peter weren’t glued to the other’s hip.”

A mischievous smile adorned her lips. “Are you sure that isn’t because of old age, too?” Tony finally looked at her with a knowing look, his eyebrows raised as he took another sip of his tea. The smile didn’t drop, but rather morphed into something softer as she looked back toward the city. “May told me that, too. But you’re leaving out one important thing.”

“Oh?” Tony said with a amused glint in his eye, fully expecting another round of sarcasm to break through. “And what is that, may I ask?”

“That by marrying Peter, I’m not just a Parker; I’m a Stark, too. I think both of the Parkers made that pretty clear to me from day one,” she said, her tone soft and loving. “You did, too, though it was never verbal.”

Tony’s smile had dropped, a sudden burning in his eyes replacing it. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and said, a crack in his voice, “Come here, kiddo.”

Y/N turned to see his arm raised and smiled before scooting closer and ducking underneath it, resting her head on his shoulder. “If I spill any of my scalding hot tea on your cashmere robe, it’s your fault.”

Tony snorted, his tears crawling back into their holding places. “I wouldn’t dream it any other way.”

This time it was quiet until they had both finished their tea, setting the empty mugs on the empty table in front of them. He’d clean that up later, but for now he was perfectly content. He let the silence go on a little longer before he squeezed Y/N’s arm and spoke up again.

“I’m guessing Peter has no idea you haven’t been sleeping?”

She pursed her lips. “How do you know I haven’t been sleeping?”

“I think the raccoon look speaks for itself, kiddo,” Tony said, pointing under his own eyes for reference. “That is if I didn’t already know what sleep deprivation looked like.”

A small sigh. “No. No, he doesn’t. And you’re not going to tell him, either.”

“Woah now, tiger,” Tony said defensively. “No one said I was going to.” She looked down at her now empty hands, picking at her nails in order to keep them busy. Tony frowned and nudged her arm again. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and her hands flew up to try to keep them from overflowing. “I’m sorry—God, I’m such a mess. I’m sorry.” Tony, who once would have been freaked out by even the slight glistening of one’s eye, didn’t bat a lash at the influx of tears. Only worry rose from it. 

“Honey-”

“I’m okay,” she interrupted. At his look of disbelief she shook her head with a wobbly smile. “Really, I am. I just—I’m super emotional right now and my hormones are dialed up to, like, eleven, or twelve, maybe possibly thirteen and a half. Any little thing can set me off already, but being sleep deprived probably doesn’t help. And you’ve never called me ‘honey’ before, just ‘kiddo’ or ‘Ms. Parker’ or other little nicknames—not that I mind, of course, because I really do feel like I’m just as important to this family as anyone else when you give me nicknames—and I guess it just kinda struck the sentimental part of me. I’m sorry.”

Tony couldn’t help but chuckle, adjusting them so he could get both arms around her. When he thought about it, he couldn’t remember any other time he’d called Y/N ‘honey’, which seemed crazy to him since he’d referred to her as that particular endearment many times in his own head. “No need to apologize, kiddo. I’ve seen hormones in action and know of way less that’s made a girl cry. In fact, I’d say you’re keeping everything contained pretty well; you haven’t even screamed at me once when I manage to burn the omelets every morning.”

A watery laugh escaped her, muffled by his chest. “I do in my head.”

It was Tony’s turn to laugh now, holding her a little tighter as he placed a kiss on her head. “And for that, I applaud you. Pepper’s not even pregnant and she yells at me—not in her head, may I add—every day.” A giggle, then just periodic sniffles. Tony gave her a little bit of time before pushing again. “Now, do you wanna tell me why you aren’t sleeping at night?”

It was quiet for a long while—long enough that Tony thought she either hadn’t heard him or had chosen to ignore the question—before she answered. “I don’t know. I just...I lay down and I’m so completely exhausted that it should be easy, and Peter falls asleep easy enough and I’m just stuck inside my own head thinking about the next month and how we could become parents at any minute, and even though we already have a name picked out for her and we talk to her every night, it’s going to be so much different when she’s actually born, right? And then-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Tony interrupted, pulling back to look at Y/N with a sparkle in his eye. She frowned, her eyes widening a moment later as she realized her mistake. “She?”

“Um…” She swallowed, her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. “Yes?”

A wide grin spread across Tony’s lips, struggling to contain the burst of happiness at the news. “I thought you said you were going to wait until the baby was born to find out the gender,” he said, his entire face lit up. It made Y/N smile, and suddenly she didn’t feel so guilty that she’d let that piece of information slip.

“We were,” she answered. “But then we decided we didn’t want to wait and didn’t tell anyone else in order to keep it a surprise for them.”

“So it’s a girl?” he asked, and Y/N laughed at his giddy excitement. 

“Yes,” she said with a smile. “You’re going to have a granddaughter.”

Tony pulled her in for another hug. Then, as the rest of her confession rolled back through his brain, he realized that wasn’t the only important information she’d let slip. “Can I tell you something, kiddo?” A soft hum was the only confirmation he needed to continue. “I know you’re nervous about this whole parenting thing, and God, I don’t think there’ll ever be a day where parenting isn’t nerve wracking, but as long as you love that little girl with all your heart and show that love to her every day, I think you’re going to be just fine.” 

Y/N looked up at him, her lips wobbling. “I’m afraid I’m going to be a bad mom.”

“You won’t be,” Tony said without hesitation.

“But how do you know?”

A soft smile graced Tony’s lips. “Because what I said about loving her with all your heart and showing that every day? You’re already doing that, which kind of makes you the best mom in the whole world, and that little girl is so lucky to have you.”

Now Y/N broke down, quickly shoving her face back into Tony’s shoulder to stifle her cries and (hopefully) keep from waking anyone else. Tony closed his eyes and gently rocked her, rubbing her back in small circles. 

“Thank you,” she later said, tears still clogging up her voice. “For everything. For taking me in and loving me like you would your own and making me tea at two in the morning and letting us all move in so you can help out with the baby and keep an eye on me while Peter can’t and for walking me down the aisle because my dad and mom couldn’t be there to do that or to see their grandchild be born and—I just...thank you,” she finished breathlessly. 

Tony lovingly placed another kiss on her head. “What else are dads for?”

“You know,” Y/N laughed, sniffling as she did, “if you didn’t know this baby was a girl, I’d say you were buttering me up to name her after you.”

“Who says I’m not?” Tony joked. “I think Anthony Parker has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

Taking Tony by surprise, Y/N pulled out of his hold and grabbed his hand, moving it to rest on her stomach. Tony blinked in awe as he felt his granddaughter kick, mesmerized by the life just inches away from him. 

“How does Mary-Jane Virginia Parker sound?” Y/N quietly asked, watching her father-in-law carefully to gauge his reaction. He didn’t speak for a few moments, tears gathering in his eyes at all of his granddaughter’s namesakes—Peter’s mother, one of the couple’s best and lifelong friends, and Pepper—Pepper-

This time, he didn’t even try to fight it when a tear slipped down his cheek. “It sounds perfect.”

“I never thought I’d see the day my wife made the almighty Tony Stark cry,” came a voice from the hallway. They both startled, whipping their heads around to see Peter casually leaning against the wall, arms crossed and hair mussed from sleep, wearing a small, amused smile. “Though, if anyone were to do it, I suppose she would be the one to.”

Instead of responding, Tony simply rolled his eyes and scooted over, patting the newfound space between him and Y/N. “Get over here, you twit.”

Peter chuckled but made his way over anyway, plopping on the cushions and putting a protective arm around his wife. Y/N leaned into him, looking sheepish at being caught but not all too apologetic. 

“So much for that secret, huh?” Peter said teasingly, kissing her forehead to assure her he wasn’t really mad. 

“If it makes you feel any better,” Tony said, his eyes still lit up in joy, “I’m an excellent secret keeper.”

Peter scoffed. “Yeah, to everyone but May and Pepper.”

Tony faked outrage. “Hey now! That’s no way to talk to your old man!” Peter gave him a look that said, ‘Am I wrong?’ while Y/N giggled, and Tony huffed. “I only tell them my secrets when they know I’m keeping one.”

“Oh, and that’s the only time you ever let a secret spill, huh?” 

“Listen here, smartass-“ Cutting himself off, Tony grabbed Peter away from Y/N and wrestled him into a headlock. Peter simultaneously was laughing and trying to push him away as Tony gave him a noogie, messing up his hair even more.  

Once Peter finally shoved him away, all three of them were laughing and it was the greatest sound Tony had ever heard, especially after the recent hardship his son and daughter-in-law had gone through. He and several others were worried when it didn’t resolve within the first few days and even more so when they heard that the word ‘divorce’ was thrown around once—once, and only once, but that was enough. And he had hoped it wouldn’t come to that, because he knew he’d stand by Peter’s side no matter what, but leaving the girl he’d practically adopted as his own behind would take its own toll on him. 

Sometimes Tony still worried. With every little fight and every raised voice, his anxiety rose. But seeing Peter and Y/N now, the former kissing Y/N’s cheek with a smile while the latter continued to giggle, Tony knew everything would be okay. 

With no warning the man swept both of them into a hug, kissing the tops of their heads. “I love you, kiddos,” he said quietly.

“I love you, too,” they both replied, Peter wrapping his arms around his father figure. Y/N followed close behind, though she couldn’t squeeze him as tight due to her protruding belly. 

“Mary-Jane loves you, too, Grandpa Pops,” Y/N said quietly, making all three pairs of eyes in the room water. And for once, Tony was actually looking forward to what life handed him next, because Mary-Jane Virginia Parker was loved, and she was perfect.

---

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[redspecialstardust]

Always Look After You - Oneshot

(Freddie Mercury X Fem!Reader)

After an incident goes down with a pervy fan, the paparazzi do their best to attack you; Freddie doesn't take kindly to it (gifs not mine)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Ppl being turds, verbal sexual harassment, unwanted touching, Freddie getting angry

*Can be read as OG Freddie, or BoRap Freddie. Reader is a member of the band

It was worse than all of you had thought; without fail, just like everything else the band did, word got out about an incident---a bad incident. Last week after a gig at the Rainbow Theater, things got messy between you and a male fan. Usually when exiting a venue, Queen would just beeline for the limo, climb in and drive off.

But that night had gone extremely well concerning a great show and a positive turnout so all of you agreed to show a bit more appreciation towards the adoring audience. Once exiting the place, the band branched out to the roped off areas where the people were cheering over the fact that Queen was only feet away from them. It was going nicely too; countless autographs were signed as well as fun, friendly conversations with them. Just like each member, you also had those rabid fans who loved you completely for your talent and good looks.

Being a humble girl, kind comments often made you blush a bit, but nevertheless, concert after concert, the work on those electric violin solos of yours were gaining more and more attention every time. About twenty minutes in, you found yourself kind of floating amongst the crowd, smiling obliviously at all the positive attention for you and the boys, but it wasn't long before a man had caught your attention. He waved a bit, calling your name happily. So you naturally gravitated towards him and said a hello.

"Hello sir." You smiled.

"Hi (Y/N), wow it's great to meet you."

He had been nervously holding out an autograph book, which you kindly took and began to write your signature.

"Oh thanks, you too. Did you enjoy the show tonight?"

"Sure did, it was the best! And your violin skills are getting better all the time."

What a sweet guy.

"I appreciate that but honestly I think it was John who stole the show tonight."

He leaned in closer

"Well, between me and you, you're always the one to steal the show."

"Aww, well just make sure Freddie doesn't hear you say that." Both of you chuckled at the thought of Freddie getting jealous.

Afterwards, you handed him his pen and book back, intending to walk around a bit more but was suddenly stopped by his grip on your wrist. Okay, okay, no big deal, right? He probably just wanted to say one more thing and had to get your attention.

"Was there something else?" You asked, getting a bit uncomfortable.

His whole disposition seemed to evolve right in front of you and It was a little scary actually; his initially kind eyes almost went from cheery to maybe a bit dark, dare you say, hungry? His voice morphed too as it slightly purred, making your body freeze since you'd never had to deal with something like this before.

"How do you feel about getting out of here with me? I know a great club around here that's even 'clothing optional'. Judging by the way you move up there in those tight clothes, you're probably dying to let that gorgeous skin breathe."

Holy crap, this could not be happening. By this point he was even caressing your forearm, creating even more fearful adrenaline inside you; his grip had gotten tighter too. This may have been inappropriate, but the last thing you wanted was for everyone around you to see this esteemed band member 'attack' a fan; not at least without attempt possibly everything before going into defense mode. Why try fight when you could try flight, correct? Trying to maintain your composure, you stopped trying to pull away for a minute.

"U-uh, well, sorry sir, but I have a boyfriend."

You tried to get away again, but his fingers locked around you harder, and slowly pulled you closer.

"You what?! Who is it?!" His voice getting rather grating.

"That's not your business!"

"Is it one of them? You one of their whores?" He asked, nodding towards Freddie, Roger, John and Brian, who at the moment were totally unaware of what was happening just yards away. One of them you were seeing, but a whole you were not. At the time, you and Freddie had become an item only a few weeks ago, and chose to wait before announcing, just to make sure it was going anywhere for real. Only the other boys of Queen knew of this arrangement.

"Let go!" You shrieked, dropping all concern over the fact you were surrounded by fans, enough was enough! When you tried to get away again, he yanked you to his side, trying to cop a kiss. But before he could even pin your arm down to your waist, you immediately used it clock him on the side of his face over and over until he let go, and for good measure, kicked your boot to his crotch, and you kicked hard too.

The commotion was still very chaotic and people all over were panicking since your scream had been a kind of blind curveball to those minding their own business. The boys caught on to the madness erupting around them and saw you jumping back from where you were. All they knew was that it seemed you were in potential danger, and without having to exchange glances or words, all four of them corralled around you protectively, begging to know what happened.

"Are you alright, (Y/N)?" John said, rubbing your shoulders.

You were still a little shaken.

"Y-yeah, I think so."

Brian and Roger quickly hugged you, trying to calm your obviously panicked vibe. But Freddie on the other hand, he marched right in front of you, with fear in his eyes.

"(Y/N) Darling, what happened? Are you hurt? Tell me!" He pleaded, cupping your face .

"That guy on the ground there; he...he grabbed me and he wanted me to go to a club with him. I tried to get away, but he wouldn't let go, so I hit him."

"He grabbed you?!" Rogee yelled.

"Did he hurt you?" Freddie repeated.

You held your arm up, showing them the slightly bloody nail scratches this perv left. It didn't hurt that much, but it left you scared for sure. No one had ever put their hands on you like that before. All of them gasped a bit at the minor injury. One of their own had been hurt, and that was not a light issue in the slightest. Especially not to Freddie, your very protective boyfriend. When he gawked at the wound, the shock from this began to turn to rage as he slowly turned and saw the culprit still trying to stand and recover from the nasty kick you gave him. The punches you landed may hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain that the lead singer was about to inflict.

In the most unsubtle way, Freddie screamed and ran for the perv and tried to practically maul him right there, but the rest of the guys held him back; they didn't like you getting hurt either, but the last thing they needed was more physical violence going down right now.

"YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

One week later:

While you and the boys agreed to try to put that awful memory behind you, Freddie was still seething over the fact he didn't get to kick that guy's ass before being restrained. The press seemed to be quite hung up on it too, but the headlines didn't rule in your favorite at all. In fact, the victim in the scenario according to everyone else was that 'Poor man who just wanted to meet his favorite band'. No one knows how he did it, but in just seven short days, he had spread his version of the story all over the place and made it sound like it was you, the crazy hormonal female that went ape after he asked for an autograph.

Pictures in all the papers consisted of shots of you punching and throwing him to the ground in addition to Freddie lunging like a panther and screaming like a madman. Well he was mad--no, pissed that someone put his hands on you and for the most part, got away with it. The assault didn't stop there either. Queen was being sued all because you chose to defend yourself and it was an outrage.

To make things worse, a conference had been scheduled to talk about the new clothing line you and Freddie had collaborated on making, but with this under your belt, there's no way everyone there was gonna want to hear about yours and his original clothes. As you all anxiously stood in your green room, the pacing tension only seemed to increase. Freddie noticed your nervous self sitting depressed on the couch, and held you close to him, his lips lovingly pressed against your head.

He knew how scared you were and that you felt as if your career with Queen would be over. You didn't have to say it, but with him knowing you so well, he already figured you had considered leaving them so that the paparazzi would leave them alone.

"Don't even think about it." He wasn't about to lose contact with his love all because of some preposterous rumors.

"But Fred-"

"No 'buts' Darling; you're apart of the family and of my heart, so if you think for one second I'm going to allow these parasites to scare you away, then I'm ashamed."

The rest of them completely agreed. They loved you, and were more than willing to go through all the bad press. Thick and thin, Queen was going to stay together whether people liked it or not. As you looked up at the rest of them for reassurance, Brian tenderly smiled and put his hand out for you to grab. With your hand, you stretched out took it, feeling Roger and John hug you from left and right. The loyalty was astounding as most bands would have asked the elephant in the room to make itself scarce, but no, not with them. You sniffled out a thank you and felt your boyfriend complete the embracing circle; just then, Miami came out but quickly took a step back to let you all finish your moment.

"Miami?" Fred asked.

"They're uh, they're ready for you all."

Freddie nodded, motioning for everyone to follow him out there. As you all walked past Miami, he gently put his hand on your shoulder. The quiet gentleman was just as angry about this incident. Just like the boys were like his sons, you were like a daughter to him, and to see his daughter upset broke his heart.

"I'm terribly sorry this happened, (Y/N). Had I been there, me and Freddie would have both torn him apart."

"Thanks Jim."

The next thirty seconds of you walking out in front of all those reporters seemed to go into slo mo. The flashing camera, the judgemental expressions, the overlapping voices...be strong. All five band members cautiously sat, awaiting the inevitable. Brian calmly spoke up first and asked if anyone had any questions, and like it was a trigger word, the hurricane of one question on top of another, all from different voices made you shudder. Freddie sensed the fear, and carefully massaged your hand under the desk where no one could see.

For a while, the questions were surprisingly relevant to the clothing line. It seemed as if many of the journalists were also apprehensive about asking of a sensitive topic, which really helped you relax a bit. The calm coming over you also helped the guys to ease up as well.

"Who's idea was it to start the clothing line? (Y/N)s or Freddie's?"

"Well mine of course, my dear." Freddie boasted. "(Y/N) is very smart, but I'm still the brains of the operation."

You playfully shook your head, making the reporters laugh.

"(Y/N), which articles of clothing would you say is your strong point in designing?"

"Hmm. I think it'd have to be stylish shirts, along with accessories like scarves and hats, I've always got so many ideas for them."

"Has there been a lot of arguments over which designs should be kept and scrapped?"

"Oh it's no different than the boys arguing over music. But, before I can beat any sense into them, our manager, Miami holds me back." You chuckled.

"You mean just like how you beat that gentleman outside the theater last week?"

That question came out of nowhere so fast, it made you blank and stutter for a moment. Maybe using the word beat wasn't a good idea; you swear you didn't mean for all of this to start.

"I-I'm sorry?" You coyly asked.

"At the Rainbow Theater. You physically assaulted a fan after he asked for an autograph, is that true?"

"No, it isn't." And it begins...

"We have photographic evidence of you hitting him."

"I only hit him because---"

"Do you plan on taking any anger management classes?"

"I don't have any anger issues."

"He had a black eye and a cracked jaw along with severe damage to his privates."

"But he--"

"Did your parents used to beat you as a child?"

"M-my parents never put their hands on me."

"SHE'S LYING." A voice called from the crowd. It came out so loudly that everyone shut up immediately. When everyone in the room peered to the back, that same piece of crap who put his hands on you walked out of nowhere. His black eye was still dark as a shadow and his walk was definitely a bit crippled. Wow did you really hit him that hard? The boys all tensed and nearly growled at the scum before them.

"This whore is doing her best to hide her real self. All I wanted was an autograph, but then like a psycho, she wailed on me like a dog on raw meat."

"Liar!" Brian shouted

"Stop trying to defend your plaything, May. She's a monster and deserves punishment, I deserve compensation! Tell me (Y/N), who do you plan on attacking next? Another woman? a child maybe?"

Your chest began to unevenly breathe as your heart pounded; a panic attack was definitely coming on, and Freddie could feel the sweat forming on the palm he was rubbing. You wanted more than anything to tell them the real story, but all your thoughts were racing way too fast. Before you knew it, the cameras all began to flash in unison again and the constant questions poured while the accuser kept pointing and calling you every possible derogatory word. Freddie glanced at you and saw no difference between your fear or a deer staring into headlights. He felt your palm go limp as you began to dissociate and he couldn't stay calm anymore.

The king of Queen sprang to his feet and bellowed as loudly as possible.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Once again, it went quiet and all attention went to him. John saw how frightened you were and gently led you back to the green room.

"Do you all want the real story? I'll give you the real story! We were all there. This sorry excuse of a man put his hands on one of my bandmates. She showed clear as day that she didn't want to be touched, and then he gripped her and tried to force himself on her. She acted upon self defense, and what he got was even less than he deserved. This pissflap deserves to go to prison and be made into every convict's girlfriend!"

Fred reached into his pocket, pulling out a polaroid photo.

"This photo...contains proof of the damage he inflicted on her. He grabbed her so tightly against her will that it left scratches and made her bleed! This man is no victim, he's a roach beneath my shoe...a roach that I'll make sure he wished was still hiding under the fridge he crawled out of!"

The journalists were writing everything down, transfixed on this side of the story they'd never heard. Was this true? Was Freddie trying to cover his friend's crime? Roger saw the doubt on everyone's faces and when your aggressor scoffed, he

the drummer snatched the photo from Freddie and handed it to Miami, whispering something in his ear. The manager nodded and kindly gave it to a photographer. The Polaroid began to get passed around, tension growing and judging faces now pointing to this man. They could tell the arm in the photo was definitely yours because you'd been wearing your signature zodiac bracelet; something you never went without.

"Now if you'll all excuse me, I have a girl to check on." Freddie announced.

As the band headed back, the journalists had already begun swarming the culprit. It seemed their work was done.

You were still shaking on the couch, and that loving boyfriend of yours wrapped his jacket around your shoulders.

"Let's go home." He whispered.

Without any fight, your feet stood with his and walked out with him, only upon going outside, he moved his jacket from your shoulders, to covering your head. He didn't want anyone in the press to see you upset, nor want you to see that idiot in the window. The limo was already waiting, and once you two piled in, he told the driver to return to Garden Lodge.

Freddie was still holding you tight, rubbing your back.

He kissed your head.

"I want this to be over, Freddie."

"It's alright my Love. I showed them the picture and told the whole story. I don't think it's quite over yet, but I think most will know you're innocent."

Your heart lightened at that. It was truly a relief knowing that your honor meant everything to him.

"Now what?" You sniffled.

"We go home. We get into our pajamas. And we binge watch all the comedies we can find, because I want to see you smile."

And just as he promised, you and Freddie spent the rest of the day cuddling on the couch with you, under a pile of blankets and of course, his cats.

THE END

Thanks for reading! Find more from me on the Masterlist

#queen #queen band #april 2019 #gif #rami!freddie #freddie mercury #bohemian rhapsody #queen fanfic #queen fanfiction #queen band imagine #m's stories #freddie mercury x reader #freddie mercury x fem!reader #masterlist

[maulionicious-blog]

PRENATAL

Prenatal development, this follows 2 developmental patterns are cephalocaudal pattern and proximidistal pattern. Cephalocaudal pattern growth that proceeds from the head downward. While Proximidistal pattern growth that proceeds from the body outward. The fetus is responsive to stimuli and appears to learn in the womb. Prenatal temperamental differences persist into infancy and childhood, and some aspects of the prenatal sensory environment maybe important to future development. There are risks associated with teratogenic material diseases these include rubella, AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, and CMV. If a mother has poor nutrition, her fetus faces increased risks of stillbirth, low birth weight, and death during the first year of life.

               When I realized prenatal, I really don’t know if this past is real that I remember or not because before I come into this world I started seeing pink path flowing through the clouds of what I see it depicts that makes me travel at that time I was like watching from what just I saw passes me by. I don’t know if these are real or that was inside my head but from what i see that looks like stars maybe a nebula of some kind galaxies. When I was born I thought it was like a space shuttle which I was riding but that’s it that is how I end up either I imagine that or it was like I saw how I really travel from that part and even so I choose to forget it.

INFANCY  

In infancy, many were able to say first words or other making sounds like cooing and anything that the baby emotion has express. The humans are born with adaptive reflexes that help them survive. Automatically sucking any object that enters the mouth, disappear in infancy or childhood. Primitive reflexes controlled by the less sophisticated parts of the brain. Sensorimotor stage, infants use information from their senses and motor actions to learn about the world. Object Permanence understanding that objects continue to exist when they can’t be seen. The infant has attachment things to the parents to identify his or her parents.

I didn’t remember what I do but I experience how difficult I was since my first guardian abused me then my parents forced me to go in Tagum were my grandparents can take care of me while my parents can do their work on their own. I was lucky and happy which leads to me being naughty and I was a difficult child to handle. From that past I was never recognized who are my parents was because all I know my parents are my grandparents thought they were real to me. And from that day I was quiet and suddenly would be different than any other day.

 EARLY CHILDHOOD

           The measuring intelligence an assumption in studying differences in intelligence is that these differences can be measured. The first tests led by Alfred Binet and Theodore Simon to identify children who might have difficulty in school. This intelligence was later called Intelligence Quotient (IQ). The intelligence of child affects the influences in the family it depends how they raised their child. Parenting styles differ in temperament themselves, so, just like their children; they vary in how they respond to situations. The four types of parenting styles are permissive parenting style, authoritarian parenting type, authoritative parenting type, and uninvolved parenting style.

             When I was elementary student I was a running around person until they set new rules for me. My parents were became permissive or strict in general term, they intended to bring me after class hours in the tutorial centre to guide me through my topics and some of that I became a nuisance to others who were studying there too I suppose that I never learn anything that days. It may be different from today because I realized that studying is important and I learn through their reasons why my parents are so very strict to me. As of today I realize something that even when in difficult struggle, can be trying harder again to accomplish once goal.

      MIDDLE CHILDHOOD

           Physical and cognitive changes the way for being a middle childhood. Many children participate in such clubs like sports, arts, and etc. This has intellectual interest about their health, fitness, and academic performances were concerned. The cognitive changes which term for their language on how they initialize their potential to make it in time. Achievement tests are designed to assess specific information learned in school. The relationships of parents and also friends are important to keep the bonds together and strong no matter the problems are and their child and friends help to sustain their courage to do so in the end.    

           Middle child hood for me is about the pressure and sometimes I ignore the mistakes I did but I never well go around. I focus more on ignoring stuff playing a gadget my prioritize time that I did than studying. I never concern about my health and fitness, I always drink soda and eating junk foods. I had friends before, friends that see u one time then ignore me instantly, only cares when I am bullied by my classmate then they come and when the problem solves they’re gone. Parents can courage to their child something more and something wonderful to be great.  

 ADOLESCENCE

           Adolescence is the transitional period between childhood and adulthood. They’re puberty changes as primary and secondary sex characteristics, which their hormone as menarche which is the beginning of menstrual cycles. Adolescent sexuality can be so tempting and there are risks factor which led to sexual situation. Teens nowadays engaged in sexual activities were often seeing on television shows like the Pretty Little Liars. An adolescent learns and changes their gender identity as they confirm themselves gay, lesbians, and bisexuals. Most of the teens engaged in drugs, alcohol, and tobacco which of them bring out the curiosity of teenagers are sensation seeking.

           As I experience there are things which is evolving around me my sexual characteristics that I don’t understand which leads me to confusion. After that when I saw some television shows that romantic love scene how to proper court someone and make fell in love. Creating sexual desires in their dream longing for someone to be loved and that is how is. I tried to be gay for a contest which I had someone make up for me and quite a lot of fun to give laughter for everyone in just a nick of a time. I am into alcohol but not a strong one; I usually drink if there is an occasion going on with my parent’s permission.

EARLY ADULTHOOD      

           Primary aging occurs most of them develop gray hair, wrinkles, and changes in visual acuity. While Secondary aging is the product of environmental influences, health habits, or disease, and it is neither inevitable nor experienced by all adults. Health habits shows the detection of illness can see what kind of illness is and can determine can be prevent it or not. Sexual Transmitted Disease which the humans never use contraceptives to protect from it and they were getting from it through sexual intercourse. Most intimate partners’ abuses which due to most reasons are jealousy of having their partners seeing someone. Career development focused on adapting to the workplace, managing career transitions, and pursuing personal goals through employment.

             I may develop gray hair but I always thought of something that an illness which of the disease may try to kill me in the only way to die but I always thought the diabetes is the reason why I die. I will never know which would be so my fate will be decided which one of the diseases. I had always doubt about my lifestyle and I am getting obese more than ever. Career development for me is different, imagine where would I be sitting and seeing I help people. I really dream about not only becoming a RPm but maybe becoming an air force pilot someday.

     MIDDLE ADULTHOOD

            Most of men and women having osteoporosis resulting in reduced bone mass and more brittle and porous bones. Vision and hearing can be sudden changes for adulthood which began to decrease the retina and person’s overall sensitivity to light waves. Health and Wellness can be so devastating when it comes to illnesses which started by imbalance diet or any hobbies like smoking that lead to lung cancer. Memory function drawing conclusions about memory rarely include middle-aged people. They were being generosity is their care, give what they can give for their grandkids. They struggle long enough to survive from their illness.

             I really imagine that what could be waiting for me if I suffer an illness which is different from early adulthood of mine. I should be hardly and slowing to move my body as I was beginning to had crack bones of mine with its sound. As I imagine a lot what would be the life of me in 60 years age of me look like exactly. I can be grown old, grumpy, and sad living in home for the aged or even live with grandkids of my own. It is really hard that thinking way more about it is just never ever will happen if I just don’t let it.  

 LATE ADULTHOOD

           Life expectancy and longevity improvements in these variables among the elderly themselves over the past several decades are responsible for changes in the expected lifespans of adults in their 60s and beyond. General slowing the biggest single behavioural effect of age-related physical changes is a general slowing down. Wisdom and creativity elders might have some advantages over the young because of their accumulation of knowledge and skills. Wisdom reflects understanding of “universal truths” or basic laws or patterns. Life satisfaction or a sense of well-being is also an important component of successful aging. Religious beliefs are the component of religious coping involves people’s beliefs and attitudes.

             Life can be full of surprises when realize about something that can be precious to our love ones and we expands our life expectancy to experience more and thank God that we exist long lives today and some of old of us can be slow to stimuli. We do believe our own will to find out how our experiences can show to others how we make it and offer as a good advice to others that may help to guide others away from dangerous paths they never cross. Life of our existence is constant and I would say that it is okay for me to live this life, I owe it to the end of my last breathe for I shall die happy person. Religious gives you the morality and the spirituality which gives the inner peace of our mind and channels our prayer to our God.

[bigowlenergy]

Notes on Gender, Ethnicity, and Culture

At the heart of the etoneki conflict/drama is nothing more than culture clash.

Eto may be amazing at studying others and have replicated humanity well enough to be a respected author among humans without anyone finding any clues to her ghoul nature, not even Haise in RE: - but she is still someone who was raised by ghouls. Her base nature is as a ghoul, from the 24th ward specifically. Naturally, there’s going to be some confusion between her and Kaneki, who was raised by humans.

But that leaves the good good question of what those differences should be. Clearly, some should be tiny, but there NEED to be huge misunderstandings bc I live for that kind of drama. Also, it’s a slowburn, so. that’s how it is.

this is long, and tagged for spoilers for a good reason. nothing specific, but if u like being surprised by the plot in ur grapefruit, go no further as of chapter 5

1) Ghouls have ABO while humans do not. Sure, there was a decently long time where Kaneki lived among ghouls, but can u picture early chapter Touka willingly sitting him down and giving the birds and the bees and the grasshoppers and also the spiders Talk? I think not. Maybe Kouma? Itori would. Like, they’d both kill him dead with it, but they would. And knowing the contexts within another culture doesn’t mean that you have assimilated those words/concepts to your own yourself, or that you actually know every single social detail, especially as it applies to others.

...but Eto does. And human gender/sexuality is fairly simple on the whole, except when it isn’t, so she has a leg up on him there.

plus, the way I have the ABO structured, it makes a bit more sense for him to be less aware of it, since his gender, as perceived by ghouls, is the most privileged one. Especially since its associated with deliberate power gain, which he totally played into during the later half of the first TG, so it would be a natural assumption for ghouls to make that he understood that he was acting exactly as his gender is socially expected to. and in a way that would socially cement his powerful omega status.

Tsukiyama would totally say something about it, since with the whole affluent family thing he’d probably be very aware of gender and social dynamics, but anything shuu says can be followed by “and he called me a cabbage in French last week, so okay shuu, whatever poetics ‘omega’ means to u, go ahead, have your fun buddy.” Banjou, who was involved with Rize, would be too worried about offending him or making it embarrassing to say anything. and as a ghoul even lower than shuu, he’d be super conservative about getting up in an omega’s business. It would just be this ambiguous open secret that everyone but Kaneki is totally, painfully aware of. the gasmask trio find this hilarious. Hina is a wee bab whose parent was a doctor for ghouls, so she just accepts her big bro as is.

so there’s eto’s expectations to be basically an underling to someone powerful as a normal, comfortable relationship dynamic, pitted against kaneki’s human-embedded inclination toward monogamy and not something that feels like weird bdsm domination stuff. they each are expecting a certain treatment from one another, and not getting it. eto feels neglected, since he isn’t all in her business and allowing her to settle in the shadow of his power and just ride things out, and kaneki, with only human expectations for sex, gender, and whatever the hell just happened, expects the worst from her as the “““male”““ in the relationship who manipulated him.

the conflict is that neither happens.

all of the power is on his side of the court, but in human terms, it feels like the opposite - vis a vis, human misogyny and all the horrible expectations for a sex and reproduction based marriage system that go along with that.

which is why i’ve inverted all that to make myself feel better :)

2) i kicked knots out bc idk about that business, but there have to be other physical differences. there have to be, or its boring. and then again, since both are hybrids, what should either have?

i’ve decided eto will have all physical differences or a learned equivalent due to ghoul socialization, while kaneki should have none but whatever was forced on him through his kakuhou - ie, pheromone stuff, but nothing more.

ghouls can purr, bc i am weak to that shit. Kaneki is aware of this. it’s just a Thing that they do. he’s read to Hina and she’s fallen asleep purring before and it was adorable. irimi purrs very quietly when she cleans things. uta is a purr machine when he makes masks, and it knocks yomo out unless he’s drunk, then he just purrs like a truck engine from the floor near uta’s desk for three hours. touka hasn’t purred since ayato left

eto purrs when she’s satisfied with her writing flow, which is one of the main reasons she prefers to work alone in her apartment and keep shiono out. otherwise, she doesn’t mind company. she also purrs when happy, like most ghouls. kaneki does not. i can site Haise’s RC scan on this: since he never took damage to the throat, he never had a chance to heal ‘more ghoul’ in that area.

so the exchange of a happy eto, deeply content with their uneasy peace, purring to express such delight, meets a blank wall that doesn’t agree. her social expression of happiness clashes up against kaneki only maybe leaning toward physical affection and being quiet. he can understand that she is happy, and she can understand that he can’t respond in the same way, but the dynamics of their relationship make her doubt her actions and get instinctually afraid of doing something wrong and upsetting someone much more powerful than her who also decides if she is allowed to reproduce with him or not. and stops purring and gets unsettled. kaneki is only confused and maybe she doesn’t like being touched? time to touch less. oh no, she did do Something Wrong and now omega is mad at her!! interpersonal drama escalates on both sides >:3c

ghouls have great night vision. kaneki also does and you know why. youve read the series. full ghouls have tapetum lucidum in both eyes, but eto only has it in her single ghoul eye. her vision is unbalanced in the dark but due to her learning to compensate for the slight reduction in light capture on one side she gets by just fine. it also parallels nicely with arima’s poor eyesight and learning to compensate for it.

ghouls are crepuscular while humans are diurnal, but this doesn’t matter since neither of etoneki know what a sleep schedule is. and the 24th ward doesn’t experience day/night cycles, so they have their own issues with sleeping when safe, do not sleep when not safe.

ghouls tend toward pack structure, but not in a rigid way where there can only be one omega/powerful ghoul per unit. as long as everybody gets along personally, its fine. omega don’t see each other as competition. alpha toss themselves at their feet without prompting. they’re not a scarce resource. alpha don’t even really fight over omega unless completely affected by heat and rut cycles and unable to grasp the concept of maybe next time. but even that is rare, mostly only those who are jealous as a person attempt this. if alpha fight over an omega and one wins, the omega might just kill them for taking away some of their prospects, or might be impressed by the show of strength. or annoyed by it, bc they want weak underlings. depends on the person. (eto is more than a bit possessive, at least for his first heat.)

more on this point as i think of it.

3)  I haven’t specified kaneki’s personal gender identity for a reason. that reason is that i’m not sure what direction i want to go. this is strictly for maman, not Sugar, which is trans girl Sasako forever. for this piece of feti/sh garbage? whom knows! (I know. and until word of god says otherwise - i’m god - every character is trans.)

but really, there’s options. and i love them all.

A) kaneki was trans all along. hide is best bi bud. aunt was a bitch, but nothing worse than canon since he was closeted at the time, although he doubly prepared to never speak to her again. (true neutral)

B) woke up a ghoul and with new parts. why believe a species change but not a sex change, eh? heightens the early game confusion and search for id as a person whose major ids have changed against his will. (lawful neutral)

C) gradual transformation. like how he came into his strength as a ghoul slowly. read a doujin like this once. was okay. quality art, big titties, 8/10. ngl would read the sequel. (Perhaps I am writing the sequel? aren’t we all just chasing our Brands across the lonely internet, hopping from one computer virus to the next? maybe u die reading hentai, or u live long enough to see urself post to ao3.) (chaotic neutral)

D) heals himself a new set of parts due to intense damage. see the haise RC chart, which has a ton of pathways around the hips/torso area. parallels with cutting eto in half?? (also lawful neutral)

E) started happening as a transformation when eto’s pheromones triggered his heat cycle for the first time. boy would he be pissed at her X2 lmao (lawful evil)

F) transformation during #240 time due to losing all memory and only having instinct to structure his body with, and just enough RC pathways to make a hormone based transformation possible. Chiba would have had a field day, but also would have torn out his horrible bowl cut in confusion. get rekt bud. not even #240 knows wtf goin on (neutral evil)

G) maybe he just wanted a vag! thought about that?? learns he is supposed to be able to manipulate his flesh like his kagune, which he is canonically great at, and just Goes For It. it works. he is a strong, dependent idiot who don’t need no dick. (iconic)

H) same as above, but that’s just what Haise does when he has the reigns. looks deep into his pastless self and asks ‘do i have to put up with this cis nonsense? not today.’ (chaotic iconic)

I) it happens suddenly when he activates his kakuja for the first time. queer the monster transformation u wish to see in the world. just. so confused. but also there’s Guilt to be felt about banjou and amon and such, so that’s back burner. (chaotic evil)

okay, so in like fifteen minutes i was able to name 9 perfect opportunities for ishida to carry though the motif of 1)iding with female ghouls 2)paralleling with canon trans man mutsuki 3)litcherally having a female ghoul organ donation fiasco 4)being associated with vacillating between masculine yang and feminine yin black/white 5)having a narrative that revolved around accepting his body and learning to find his own strength and id that is different than what he was born with - but coward ishida stopped sixty miles short of the mark. fool. I Cannot Feast Upon Crumbs, Sir. Sir, You Have Given Me Airplane Peanuts For Supper. Sir, I Am Starving And Antagonistic At Best.

(i shouldn’t call him a coward. three huge series magically having the same Wife And Kids ending all during the time shinzou abe is in office? probably not a coincidence. hope they got a good payout for it. i’d sell out for that $$$ too tbh)

eto is just an alpha. her human social id is a Normal Human Female Who Is Totally Cis and Straight for maximum social acceptance and ease of integration, but that’s only her mask. her personal id is an alpha, which is cis by ghoul standards, and she uses she/her pronouns bc she feels like it. she has the power to id as above alpha, but she enjoys the social invisibility it gives her, since she can blend in the background whereever and noone looks at her presumably weak ass twice. like chie, but for nefarious purposes.

....does that make her the equivalent of a ghoul feminist? i’m getting Too Deep

4) the wards can be isolated and far apart, and its been explored in canon with the Three Blades family and the white suites - congrats u 2 - and ghoul organizations that have a home ward having distinct cultural differences from one another. small ethnic groups and isolated diaspora? natives? subset?? of whatever the 24th ward ghouls - sorry, tokyo humans - are.

this sort of thing is only tangentially related to kaneki. if someone with a texas accent teaches someone to speak english, that person will have that accent, whether they’v ever been to texas or not. so he has some of the social mannerisms of a 20th ward ghoul, but generally still has a lot of ingrained human attributes to confuse them.

5) i’m still fascinated by the half finished thought about there are just some ghouls who become binge eaters in canon. like Rize wasn’t special for it. I think shinohara mentioned this?? but. it makes sense. general food insecurity, lack of permanent social support, total oppression, absurd power levels, plenty of humans to take it out on...ye.

and kaneki has the kakuhou of an adult binge eater. there’s cool hints of the kakuhou being parasitic, so a mature one would def fall into the biological fulfillment of binge eating for strength and carry that genetic knowledge into a new host. and from there, it would induce cravings, serotonin reward systems, and all that good stuff to get what its come to like.... like, mayhaps, a cordycepts? ;)

well, i’ve put ‘binge eater’ down as just a general omega trait, since it feels authentic to do so, so we’ll see what i do with this in the future. i will also see, since i too am ignorant of my own self. what will my horny subconscious do next? i am usually the last to know.

anyway,

peace

#maman #tg:re #tokyo ghoul #spoilers #tg analysis #i just keep tossing into the void #for fun #sadly not for profit #my fanfiction #abo #ghoul culture #ideas #notes to self #etoneki #eto yoshimura #kaneki ken #on the citrus scale #this is #grapefruit #i think?? #also #lemon #etoken

[ficdirectory]

Disuphere Universe miniseries: The Early Years: Dominique

Jaimie Carter first saw Michael Williams in first grade.  Mrs. Samsel’s class.  1977.

She was outgoing, precocious, fun.  He was shy and quiet.  Could barely get his name out of him when the teacher took roll call in the morning.  Looked fit to pass out when he was picked to be leader for the day, while Jaimie said her daily “Here!” with gusto.  Pride.  While Jaimie led the Pledge of Allegiance, never needing to be told her right hand from her left.

Michael never did either.  He always knew.

They didn’t really talk.  Boys and cooties.  (Cooties were real, 6-year-old Jaimie was positive.)  But when she tripped over her shoelaces and fell on the playground, and all the other kids laughed and pointed?  It was Michael who came and tied her shoe for her - double-knotting it like a pro.

Then asking “You okay?” and offering her a hand up.

Jaimie told him yes, she was.  But didn’t take his hand.

But she remembers one time.  There was a spelling test, and Michael, definitely the best speller in first grade, had that fit to pass out look again.  Sweating.  Shaky.  Breathing fast.

Before the test started, Jaimie nudged him, whispering:

“Y-O-U A-R-E S-M-A-R-T.”

Hoping none of the other kids could spell as fast or as well, and none would overhear.  None did.

And Michael calmed down.  And he aced that test.

--

Jaimie didn’t see Michael Williams again until high school.  

So much had changed.  She had changed.

But the best parts of Michael hadn’t.  She remembered being surprised seeing him at his locker the first day of school - the one right beside hers.

“Hey.  Remember me?” he asked quietly.

And for the first time in years, a genuine smile grew right there on Jaimie’s face.

“Of course,” she nodded.  “Yeah, I remember you.”

They caught up between classes when they could.  They didn’t have any together, but Jaimie wished they did.  Like, really wished.  She did have plenty of classes with Rozariah Miller, her best friend, since the fourth grade.  She had a twin brother, Royal, and the three of them hung out.  A lot.

The thing is, now, Jaimie was kinda wanting Michael to come hang out, too.  But she wasn’t sure how Roz and Royal were about to take it.

“Oh, Michael Williams?” Royal asks, lighting up when Jaimie tests the waters.  “He’s cool.  He’s in my Honors English class.  Knows every single answer.  You want me to see if he wants to hang?”

--

By sophomore year, they’re dating, though Jaimie’s mom was firm on the idea that she not date til she was 16.  Jaimie invited Michael over, so he and Mom could get to know each other a little bit.  So Mom could feel more at ease around him.

“I don’t want y’all going anywhere just the two of y’all and gettin’ all hot and heavy…” Mom warned.

“No, ma’am.” Michael answers, before Jaimie can utter one embarrassed word.

“We were just gonna hang out with the Millers.  You know, as friends…” Jaimie insists.

“As long as you kids stay together.  No sneaking off.  You hear?”

“Yes, ma’am.  I hear you,” Jaimie nods.  “Love you, Mama.”

“Love you, baby.  Michael, you seem like a sweet child, but if I hear one word about you treating Jaimie wrong, you’re gonna wish you hadn’t,” Mama warns.

“Yes, ma’am,” Michael nods.  “I mean, no, ma’am.  I’d never treat her wrong, ma’am.”

--

Kids at school were mean.  To Rozariah and Royal, especially when they started going out as a whole group - the two of them - Jaimie and Michael.  Kids said the twins were dating each other.  Jaimie and Michael knew it was ridiculous.  Roz and Royal knew it, too, but their words still hurt.

They tried not to let it bother them as they’d go to the movies or for ice cream.

Before Jaimie knew it, it was the summer before senior year.  She and Michael had been dating 15 months.  Well, hanging out as a group, but still, it counted.

Michael had a way of paying attention to detail.  Of getting Jaimie exactly what she would have gotten herself.  He came into their aisle with a large bucket of popcorn, a Butterfinger and a Coke, all dropped off for her, as they settled in to check out this new Tom Hanks comedy, Big.

“How’d you know?” Jaimie asked, incredulous.

“I’m still pretty S-M-A-R-T…” Michael whispered in her ear.

Jaimie smirked, as he settled in between Royal and Roz, and Rozariah whispered in her ear.

“He knows what you like to eat!”

“Would you shut up?” Jaimie laughed.  “I know he knows what I like to eat!  We been dating each other more than a year.  If he didn’t know by now I’d be a little concerned.  Watch the movie…” But Jaimie’s heart still stuttered that extra beat thinking about how sweet it was.  For Michael to pay such close attention like he did.  That he cared so much about what made her happy.  Even if it was a giant tub of popcorn, a giant candy bar and a Coke.

“Fine,” Rozariah settles back in her seat and they watch.  All the while, Jaimie, tuned into Michael’s laugh.

At the end of the movie, they exit the theater, feeling that odd disappointment that it was time to face the real world again.  Jaimie went to Roz’s car, and before she could even open the door, Michael was there.

“I got it.  I got it.”

“Thanks.  And thank you...for the snacks…” she said, their faces just inches from each other.

They both leaned in, instinct.  Their lips touched.  “Mmm, you taste like grape soda.”

“You taste like Butterfinger, popcorn, and every one of my dreams, Jaimie Carter.”  He said, meaning every word.

Jaimie blushed and looked away.

“Okay, break it up, break it up,” Royal insisted comically butting between them.  “Michael, let’s go.”

“I’m going,” Michael echoed but remained rooted to the spot, staring at Jaimie.

“You wanna stand here in the parking lot while Jaimie, Roz and I go back home?  That’s cool,” Royal said easily, getting in his own car and revving the engine.

“See you back there,” Michael murmured.

“See you.” Jaimie whispered, her hand to her lips.

--

“You know, we dated for almost a decade?” Michael asked, alone in the dark of their first apartment.

“I do, in fact, know that,” Jaimie nodded, snuggled up to him in their too-small, perfect sized bed.  “It’s about time we did this…”

“What?  Got married?” Michael asked, leaning down to kiss her again.

“Mmm-hmm.  So happy Roz and Royal could come,” Jaimie remarked.

“Jaim, I love me a little R & R, okay?  But the two of them?  Have been on every single date with us.”

Jaimie wrinkled her brow.  “They have not.  We didn’t even go to college together.  It was you and me.”

“And you calling Rozariah every night after every single date.”

“Can I help it if she’s like my sister?” Jaimie scoffed.  “You called Royal.”

“He’s my man,” Michael said, feigning hurt.

“We don’t have to make our marriage a twin-free zone, do we?” Jaimie asked.  “I don’t wanna be one of those couples who has no friends outside of each other.”

“Nah, babe, I don’t want that either,” Michael agrees.  “But we’re best friends?”

“Always.”

--

Two years later, in October, Jaimie goes into labor at home.  

Thank God it’s a Saturday.  Thank God Michael’s there.  Because there is no way Jaimie would be able to do this alone.

Turns out, their baby waits for no one.  Not even her Mama to get to the car.  Jaimie stops as contractions seize her.  And cannot move.

Michael calls 911 because he can see the head.

“Michael Williams, don’t you dare pass out on me,” Jaimie gasps in the midst of contractions.

“They’re saying don’t push,” he says, and it’s ludicrous, because Jaimie is not in control right now.  

“She’s coming, Michael.  I have to push!”

She’s out in three.  Three pushes is all it takes to deliver their sweet baby, Dominique Nora Williams.  6:23 PM.  In their living room.  The ambulance arrives minutes later.

Dominique has a healthy cry.  She looks big.  (And weighs in later at a healthy eight pounds even.)  She has dark hair and beautiful brown eyes, which she opens to stare right at Jaimie.

They go home again as a family two days later.  The nursery she and Michael worked on together is perfect.  Decorated with pale yellow, white and gray.  Giraffes and elephants on the wallpaper border.

Jaimie doesn’t take naturally to being  a parent.  It’s hard.  Breastfeeding hurts - they never tell you that!  But Dom bites, especially when she starts cutting teeth.  Jaimie’s got all kinds of hormone problems, crying all the time, like Kirstie Alley in that Look Who’s Talking movie from the year they graduated high school.

(Oh, well, at least Jaimie knows she’s kinda normal.)

It helped that her mom was here to help the first couple weeks - thrilled that baby Dominique has her first name as a middle name.  Michael’s mom comes, too.  Later, and any help they can get is appreciated.

It takes until Dominique is about eight months old for Jaimie to even start feeling like she has a handle on things.

It hits her how lucky they are.  Dominique’s happy.  Babbling.  Eating well.  She’s loved.  She cries when she or Michael (especially Michael) even goes into the next room.  It’s hard on her that Daddy goes to work.  And she looks out the window each afternoon, slobbering on the glass in the window, pounding on it, screaming, “BabababaBABA!” until he gets there, swinging her into the air and making her giggle.

--

Her first real word comes just after she turns 1:

“I love you, baby,” Jaimie greets her, after naptime, one day.  (The same thing they say to her first thing in the morning, at night before bed, and several times throughout every day.)

“Awuy, bay-bee,” Dominique repeats, hugging Jaimie around the neck hard.

She reaches for Michael, who, thank God, came in behind her:

“Awuy, bay-bee,” she repeats, reaching and reaching for him.

“Dominique Williams.  Did you just say, ‘I love you, baby,’ to Mama and Daddy?” Jaimie asks, incredulous.

She nods, her head resting on Michael’s shoulder.

--

Jaimie doesn’t think much about it, until she has no choice but to think about it.

She’s mentioned it to Michael.  Briefly.  In a “a lot can change in eight years” kinda way in college when things started moving from kissing to more than kissing.

“Stuff happened to me.  As a kid, Michael.  And I don’t wanna talk about it.  Don’t know how to talk about it.  Just be careful.  And please don’t ask me.”

He’d respected that.  All these years and he’s never asked about it once.  He does ask if she’s okay, when she gets quiet, or worried.  But he’s never seen her panic.  She’s never seen it herself, ‘til it happens.  One day in January, 2001.

Two-year-old Dominique’s in the stroller, talking a mile a minute:

“Mama, I have gum?  Please?”

“Baby, I don’t want you having gum.  It’s gonna get everywhere,” Michael balks.

“I wanna have gum,” she whines.  “The ball kind.”

“Okay.  Let’s discuss it together, should we?” Jaimie interjects.

“Yes.  ‘Scuss it.  Annen I have it.”

“If we tell her what to do with it, she’ll learn.  Or she won’t,” Jaimie encourages.  “We can’t keep her in a bubble, Michael.”  

“But I want to,” Michael objects, sweetly, giving Jaimie a kiss.

“I know, but she’s a child, not a toy.  We gotta let her experience stuff.  Even gum…” she wrinkles her nose.

They talk to Dominique about gum.  Jaimie explains it’s a special candy that you chew.  “Not swallow.  When you’re done chewing, you spit it in a tissue.  Understand?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Dominique smiles.

“Good.  Now, you hang in there.  Do your best to be very good, and then on our way out, we’ll get a gumball.”

“I want yellow!”

“We don’t get to say what color we get,” Michael warns.  “Might be yellow.  But it might be another color.  Make sense?”

“But I want yellow gum, Daddy.”

“I hear you wanting yellow gum, babe, I do.  But Daddy can’t guarantee you yellow gum.  I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you can!  You big and strong!  For making yellow gum! ‘Kay, Daddy?”

Jaimie’s in the cereal aisle trying to pick out plain Cheerios without Dominique wanting every sugary kind there is, when she glances up.  Sees somebody who looks just like….

Her vision goes dim.  She can’t breathe.  Drops the cereal.  Turns desperate eyes to Michael.

“What is it?  Jaimie?” he asks.  

But she can’t answer.  Her eyes are full of fear, darting.  This is the part of life she never told Michael about so how will he know how serious this is?  Will he get it?  Will he believe her?  Help her?  God, she needs to get out of this damn store.  

Twenty-nine, and feeling every bit the child she’d been then.

“Okay.  It’s okay.  Jaim.  Leave the groceries.  We’ll go, okay?” he promises.

Jaimie clings to his arm as they leave the store.  Dominique’s sobbing and lunging at the gumball machine as they pass it.

“I bery good, Mama!  I bery good!” she sobs.

Jaimie’s crying, too.  

Somehow, Michael gets them all in the car.  Somehow, above the din, Michael can be heard, singing I Like to Be Told from Mr. Rogers�� Neighborhood.  Dominique is a big fan.  And Jaimie and Michael are big fans of songs that help Dominique sort out what she’s feeling and why.

It fits for Jaimie, too.  Everybody could use a little warning before their life gets spun and turned on its head.

Michael takes the time to explain to Dominique, who he is sure, even if she can’t understand every single word, understands more than they think she does.  Says he knows she likes to be told what’s happening.  And sometimes surprise things happen.  

“Big feelings come, poof!  Like magic, and change our plans.  Even for mommies and daddies.  Sometimes big feelings come too fast to tell each other.  But we all love each other still.  And it’s gonna be okay.  Daddy says it’s gonna be okay.”

“I want yellow gum,” Dominique says, quiet, in between gasps.  Tears still drying on her face.

“I know you do, Dom. and I know we said you could.  Mommy’s having some big feelings right now, so we gotta be with her.  And I won’t forget your yellow gum.  I know that matters to you.”

“Mommy, you havin’ big feelings?” Dominique asks.  “You cry?”

Jaimie can’t answer.  

“She’s having some big feelings.  But it’s okay to have big feelings, right?”

Dominique hesitates.

“What do Mommy and Daddy say when you’re having big feelings?”

Dominique fidgets with her carseat strap.  

“We say, ‘It’s okay.  Your big feelings matter,” Michael tells her, giving Dominique the words.

Jaimie feels like such a failure.  She can’t do anything.  She’s scaring her baby.

Dominique is still whimpering as Michael pulls into the local Dollar Store parking lot.  Jaimie’s frozen in the seat, not ready to get out and face anybody.

“You gonna stay here?  Dominique and I are gonna be right back.”

Jaimie can’t imagine what Michael’s buying right now, but they did just leave all their groceries behind.

In minutes, they come back out.  Dominique singing, I Like to Be Told with Michael now.  In her little hands, she’s carrying bubbles.

When they get home (which Jaimie can’t recall) she, Michael and Dominique all hang out on the deck.  Michael blows bubbles and Dominique shrieks and runs around popping each one.

It’s the day Jaimie decides she’s gotta get some help.

--

Dominique turns 3 at the end of 2001.  Has a Dragon Tales party and then gets to sleep over at Grandma Nora’s for the first time.  She comes home talking about Sesame Street and gingerbread cookies and Garfield sleeping bags.

Produces pages and pages of paper where Dominique has printed, in all caps, the sentence, I AM DOM.  She is beyond proud of herself.  Beaming.

“I’m three and I can write now!” she shares.  “Look at all this I wrote!”

“That’s so good!  Dominique, we’re so proud of you!  Did you and Gran have a good time?”

She nods, snuggled up against them.

Jaimie and Michael hang up every single paper.

--

In 2003, sometime after Dominique turns 4, the teacher calls Jaimie and Michael in for a meeting.

“You know your daughter’s printing?” the teacher asks.

Jaimie can’t read her tone.  It’s cryptic.

“Yes, we encourage her at home,” Jaimie offers.

“You know she’s reading?”  Now, it’s clear.  The teacher, maybe 22, is scoffing.

“Starting to, yes,” Michael nods.  

“She’s yelling out words during storytime.  It’s disruptive.  And her boasting about all the words she can print is hurting the other children’s feelings.”

“Are you suggesting we discourage her?” Michael asks, and Jaimie puts a hand on his arm.

“I got this.  Ma’am?  Dominique’s a good girl.  She really is.  She’s just proud of what she’s learning.”

“Maybe this isn’t the best place for her,” the teacher responds, finally coming to the point of the conference.

“You know what?” Jaimie asks.  “Maybe it isn’t.”

Michael follows her out, after Jaimie makes it official and withdraws Dominique.

In the car, he finally asks:  “So, what now?”

“I’m done with my counseling.  I can get a job anywhere, and you did just get that great offer in San Diego.  Maybe it’s time to make a move.”

He turns to her, and smiles, nervous.  “You know I don’t do change well.”

“I know,” she nods.

“But I’d go anywhere with you...and our gifted and talented daughter.”

She leans over.  Kisses him gently.  Briefly.

They get home and Dominique runs into their arms.  “Did my teacher tell you how smart I am?!” she asks, braids and beads bouncing everywhere.  Grandma Nora appears behind her.

“How smart are you?” Michael cues, knowing Dominique is asking to fill in this blank:

“S-M-A-R-T!”

“That’s right.  And your teacher told us you are so smart, you get to go to a whole different school!  What do you think of that?”

“With you and Mama, and Gran?” Dominique checks.

“Absolutely.  All of us together,” Michael reassures.

“Yay!”  Dominique cheers.  “We’re going on a adventure!” she wiggles to get put down and takes off.

“I think we made the right choice,” Michael muses.

“I think we did,” Jaimie smiles.  “I think we did.”

#disuphere things #disuphere universe #fic: the early years

[ncblebeast]

name: bryce atlas winslow age: thirty seven sexuality: homosexual pronouns: he / him occupation: bouncer , veteran of irish naval service gang: cobras sign: aquarius pinterest: board spotify: playlist coming soon

so guess who couldn’t resist bringing in a cobra ? yeah that’s right it me snottie lottie back at it again lol byrce is a old ass muse of mine like five years or some shit but he’s recently had a fc update ( i’m obsessed with jon ) so i’m excited to start writing him again !! pls come plot with us he’s hard on the outside but he’s honestly such a soft goofy puppy on the inside he wants love but doesn’t think he deserves it u feel me ?

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ jon bernthal  + cismale + he/him — have you met bryce atlas winslow? they are a thirty seven year old known around town as the noble beast. they currently work for the the cobras as a bouncer. they are a homosexual aquarius, which means they are open minded + inviting, as well as detached + guarded. a map of scars, a warm bubble bath with dried flowers, drinking whiskey on the porch listening to crickets chirp at 2 am.

PERSONALITY

good day: original , open-minded , fair , logical , inviting , selfless , goofy , resilient  bad day: guarded , detached , self destructive , out of touch , irrational , desperate , headstrong , aggressive , set in his ways favorite things: teaching , team sports , anything with a cause or mission , independent films least favorite things: ( his idea of ) injustice , drama queens/kings , feeling isolated , owing money or favors , having to choose just one thing secret wish: to experience total freedom how to spot him: cute smile , quirky movements , darting eyes , long legs where you’ll find him: backpacking , picketing a company , coaching a little league team , revolutionizing the industry keywords: friendliness , eccentricity , teamwork , groups

innovative and avant-garde , from experimental electronic music to community oriented living , there’s nothing that he won’t explore. as the type that rules groups and teams , bringing people together around an important cause or political agenda is his specialty.

bryce is cutting edge , “out there” and even a little strange at times. no topic is too cutting edge for him: extraterrestrials , stem cells , cloning , robots taking over the earth… yup , he will go there. 

while he can be rebellious and detached from reality ( c’mon back to earth ! ) , it helps him see possibilities most wouldn’t otherwise. he is community oriented , original , open-minded , fair , logical , connecting , and inviting. 

the negative expression of his energy can be guarded , detached , destructive , out of touch , irrational , and desperate. he can be reluctant to express emotions — he prefers rational reasoning and cool-headed logic to the messy tapestry of the human feelings.

he is “fringe” and mainstream all at once , a fascinating paradox. he is a visionary , dreaming up quirky utopias and alternative realities that can shake up the status quo. 

ruled by his emotional detachment , unpredictable energy and rebellion.  he can be “ type a ” and totally quirky all at the same time.

friendship and teamwork are important to him , so he tends to be more focused on a group than an individual or even himself. freedom is important to him as well , which is why he likes to keep things light on an interpersonal level. that way , he won’t feel bad about running off to the opposite corner of the world at a moment’s notice. 

at times , his nomadic strategy backfires , leaving him lonely and disconnected. he is uncomfortable with too much intimacy most of the time.

this free spirit belongs to the world , and feel off-balance giving his considerable energy to just one person. while his friends get first-class treatment , families and lovers see a different side of him: moody , brooding , anxious and neurotic. 

or he may pick one ( and only one ) person to open up to , getting attached to the point of obsession. learning to accept and express his emotions can help him avoid the massive freakouts and anger flashes that come from pretending everything’s cool when it isn’t. 

he appreciates a quirky or eccentric twist and has some colorful characters and counter-cultural personalities as friends. 

BIOGRAPHY

bryce atlas winslow was born january 31st in dublin , the republic of ireland , into a very straight lace , play by the rules kind of family.  his father , ardal winslow , was an irish army man and his mother , brona winslow , was a homemaker. 

ardal was every bit the ‘ man of the family ’ , bryce grew up only answering to his father. brona would only every answer a question with ‘ask yer da ’ or ‘ dija’ ask yer da ? ’ she was a spineless woman , afraid of her own shadow and that’s what made her such a great little puppet for ardal. 

his father was a stern man , an angry drunk , and no one put a single toe out of line with him around. with bryce being the first born and only son , he was expected to be perfect which from a very young age he felt the pressures of. 

it was like walking on eggshells , everyone always afraid of making a mistake or displeasing ardal. he did not have the fun , happy-go-lucky innocence a child should expect of his early years , instead there was nothing but discipline , hard work, and punishment. 

for the most part , bryce succeeded at being the perfect son his father expected him to be -- a robot more than an actual living boy , simply a machine , a machine being bred for war quite literally.

it wasn’t until about the beginning of secondary school when puberty and hormones began blossoming that things became precarious. voice cracks , uneven patches of hair…. oh , and a sudden sexual desire for the same sex ? 

( tw: suicide ment ) now , the winslows were catholics -- devout catholics -- you see and bryce became very self-loathing and afraid in this confusing time. he contemplated suicide , because ‘ homosexuality is wrong and you went straight to hell for it ‘. 

it didn’t matter how good of a son you were , because ‘ man shall not lie with man ‘.  he kept it hidden for years , he also managed not to act on it until well into his last year of secondary school. 

despite bryce’s fears and shame , when he was sixteen he fell in love for the first time. first loves can be explosive , dangerous even and this one was nothing short of just that. 

bryce kept his forbidden love a secret from everyone , his family and father above all others. all good things must come to an end though , and for the boys it came sooner rather than later. 

ardal happened upon a note from the boy bryce was seeing ( wc ) and in this note was all sorts of information -- including a meeting spot. as you can imagine , ardal flew from the house in a drunken rage in search of his sinner son only to catch him red handed. 

( tw: assault , possible death ment ) bryce saved his lover from his father’s wrath , taking the brunt of the attack. his boyfriend watched as bryce was beaten , begging and screaming for ardal to stop , that he was killing him. 

the drunken bigot was turning on the younger boy when bryce told him to leave and never come back , so that is what he did. he has never laid eyes on his first love since , and that’s probably for the best. 

after his father had tired himself out , satisfied his rage , he left his son there in the dirt and bryce didn’t bother moving. will to live depleted , too tired to go on , pain too much to endure -- he just slept there until the next morning when he was awoken with a kick of dirt in the face. He was being sent to a ‘’ special ’’ facility where they would get rid of his ‘’ ailments ’’. 

time melded in the facility , but it’s estimated nearly a year of his life was wasted away in there. he was resistant and defiant for most of his time there , it wasn’t until his father visited him for the one and only time that things changed. 

( tw: suicide ment ) his father brought news that his mother had killed herself. this was a lie , but a last ditch effort to force bryce to change his ways and boy , did it work. 

hardly a month later , bryce was discharged from the facility only to find his mother was indeed very much alive and that his entire family had moved to england.

his father gave him nonsense about wanting to get away from the bad memories , start over new , and lead him not into temptation by sending him back to school with ‘sinners’. 

so , bryce finished out the remainder of his schooling in england and went straight into the royal air force ( at least he got to choose what branch he went into rip ) as per his father’s wishes. 

sadly for him , he would never become what he so longed to be. he had just finished boot camp and life had just started to seem somewhat normal -- if you can call anything the winslow’s had normal -- when he lost it all.

the irishman witnessed something he wasn’t meant to and as a warning to keep his mouth shut , the russian mafia took his vision in his right eye. 

this ultimately ruined his life , because without 20 / 20 vision joining the royal air force was no longer an option. bryce woke up alone in the hospital , his only visitor being his younger sister ( wc ). 

his life came crashing down around him. ardal would no longer have anything to do with him after finding out what happened , that he couldn’t be a pilot. 

it was like he was a ghost or invisible to his father. he was everything he never wanted , and every time bryce looked in a mirror that was all he could see. 

the black sheep , a burden , a mistake , a sinner , useless -- all things his father didn’t have to say for him to feel. he stayed near his family for a while , unsure of what to do or where to go for a long while. 

luckily , bryce’s mother was able to get him a job at a nearby hospital and that’s where he met the tiny ginger who quickly became his whole world ( wc ).

their relationship was a rocky one to say the least , bryce being young and foolish thought the ‘ if you like someone , be mean to them ’ rule still applied when in reality it never should have been. 

not to mention , he finally had people to lord over and feel like he finally had control of a situation which gave him a big head -- the patient was most definitely a victim of all this. 

while he was quite the asshole , he grew to care more and more for the boy and watched him closer than most. one day , the boy finally got to leave the hospital and bryce had no qualms about leaving england after that. 

his father no longer wanted him around and the irishman no longer felt like fighting to stay , so his roommate at the time was moving back home to america and bryce decided he would go with them ( another wc lol ). 

the two separated eventually ,  bryce finding his way to valdez where he easily fit in with the cobras seeing as he had a grudge he wanted to make good on with another gang. so , he used the gang as a means to take that revenge and yet regrets his decision , seeing as he is now stuck with them. 

now , he lives with his roommate , who he keeps a secret from the gang to this day bc they’re a savage ( wc ). he was ordered to go in , take apart the sex trafficking business that was stealing the cobra clientele and that required him killing a whole room of sex slaves and goons. 

when he came upon his current roomie though , all drugged up , no life in his eyes , being taken advantage of -- instead of killing them he saved them instead. 

since that day , he’s felt an obligation to protect the other and very much sees them as a younger sibling even though they ended up in the savages and not the cobras ( mostly due to the cobras expecting him to be dead ).

 other than that , the man busies himself with drying and preserving flowers or his pet ferret outside of being a bouncer now.  he parades around like this big , mean , tough hard ass when in reality he’s quite the domestic type.

he much prefers the bouncer life to having to kill people , but he’s sorta been bred for it so it’s not uncommon for someone to recruit him to do more than just bounce a few assholes from the club. he’s a jack of all trade and master of none , but he will get the job done if he has one to do.

ETC.

has a ferret named big wig that he loves v much 

preserves flowers in his spare time , he keeps a book full of pressed flowers and plant life at all times in the chance he need to preserve something but he keeps it on the down low

plays guitar and sings

is legally blind in one eye , but doesn’t wear glasses

lives with his secret roommate ( wc ) , but does not have any other real friends nor family in america ( that he’s aware of ) but i do have wcs for some so hmu or check out the wc page when i submit them

has a sister ( wc ) that he keeps in contact with , but his mother is not allowed to speak to him anymore

his guilty pleasure is to take baths , he enjoys adding bath salts , flowers , and other rather ‘ feminine ‘ products to them. takes one almost once a day ngl it’s one of his favorite ways to relax

he’s irish , has a thick accent and uses uncommon terminology quite a bit 

#valdez.intro #if you actually read this #i owe you my soul

[zeondevoll90]

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How Do U Grow Taller At 13

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#Vitamins That Help You Grow Taller Creative And Inexpensive Diy Ideas #How To Increase 3 Inch Height

[gethealthy18-blog]

343: How to Balance Neurotransmitters Naturally With Dr. Ann-Marie Barter

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343: How to Balance Neurotransmitters Naturally With Dr. Ann-Marie Barter

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

This episode is sponsored by Everlywell, at-home lab tests that you can get without a doctor order! I’ve used many of their tests and can recommend a couple that have been especially helpful. They have an at-home allergy test for 40 of the most common allergens using the same CLIA-certified labs used by Allergists/Doctors. The labs are reviewed by an independent physician and this test measures IgE levels of common allergens including pet dander, mold, trees, grasses, and more. But you can do it from your own home with a finger stick. I also really like their food sensitivity tests that test for IgG reactions. This was a big key for me in my health recovery, as there were foods that didn’t show up as an allergy that were causing inflammation for me. I used an elimination diet, but this food sensitivity test also filled in the missing piece of the puzzle for me. Through healing my gut, I’ve been able to remove all sensitivities except for eggs. Finding out I was highly sensitive to eggs made a huge difference for me, as I ate them often as an inexpensive protein source. I feel so much better now that I don’t eat eggs and I would never have known that without this test! I also use their at-home Vitamin D test to keep an eye on those levels and see if I need to supplement. Check out all of their tests at wellnessmama.com/go/everlywell. Use code MAMA10 for 10% off orders.

This podcast is sponsored by BLUblox. That’s B-L-U-B-L-O-X, which is an advanced light-filtering eyewear company. You’ve probably seen pictures of me on social media wearing orange glasses of various types at night. And here’s why. In nature, we aren’t exposed to certain types of light after dark, specifically, blue light, because that type of light signals the body that it’s daytime. That in turn suppresses melatonin and can interfere with sleep. This is the reason that a really dramatic study found that camping for seven days straight with no artificial light at all could actually completely reset and heal circadian rhythm and help a lot of light-related problems, like seasonal affective disorder. This is also the reason that I wear orange glasses after dark to block these types of light and protect my sleep, which I am adamant about protecting. I also wear certain types of yellow glasses and anti-fatigue glasses during the day if I want a computer to reduce eye fatigue. BLUblox has orange glasses and yellow glasses. Their orange glasses for nighttime wear are designed to block 100% of the wavelengths between 400 nanometers and 550 nanometers, which are the ones that are studied to interfere with sleep and melatonin production, and circadian rhythm. My kids also wear these kinds of glasses at night. And I noticed a difference in their sleep as well, which is a huge win for a mom. This is especially important when we’re watching a family movie at night or looking at any kind of screen as the artificial light, there is a source of blue light and can interfere with sleep. You can learn more, they have a ton of educational content and check out all of their innovative protective glasses by going to blublox.com/wellnessmama and using the code wellnessmama to save 15%.

Katie: Hello and welcome to the “Wellness Mama” podcast. I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com and wellnesse.com. That’s Wellnesse with a “e” on the end, which is our new line of personal care products.

And this episode is all about neurotransmitters, especially what you need to know about dopamine and serotonin and how to optimize them naturally and from the inside out. I’m here with Dr. Ann-Marie Barter who has always had a mind for high-level problem solving. And she now uses functional blood chemistry analysis, nutrition, applied kinesiology, and other natural remedies in a functional medicine approach to help people with thyroid issues, blood sugar issues, gut health, hormone dysfunction and issues that stem from neurotransmitter imbalance. And so, in this episode, we go deep on a couple of those topics and some practical ways that you can start at home to optimize your neurotransmitter levels, to reduce stress, and to feel better in all aspects of life. So, without further ado, let’s join Dr. Barter. Dr. Barter, welcome. Thank you for being here.

Dr. Barter: Thank you so much for having me, I’m so excited to be here today.

Katie: I’m so excited to chat with you, and we get to talk about something that I am fascinated by but definitely don’t have a ton of knowledge about, or, at least, in depth knowledge, which is neurotransmitters. And I think, this is actually a really pertinent conversation right now, just with so much of what’s going on in the world, and, of course, neurotransmitters are always very important. But I think that we could have some special conversations around them right now. But to start broad and then, kind of, narrow down from there, first of all, kind of, define what neurotransmitters are and why we should care about them.

Dr. Barter: Well, so neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in our brain, and so they help us with mood, they help us with muscles and communication in our overall system, they even help us with our gut, and they also help us with sleep and memory. So they’re really important, and they’re really broad, and they affect the whole entire system. But the two that I think are most pertinent that I really want to talk about today are going to be the two that are called serotonin and dopamine, and those two are so pertinent in our overall mood, and our happiness, and how we see life. So that’s really where I want to go today, if that’s all right with you.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. Does one lead into the other?

Dr. Barter: No, let’s start with dopamine, if that’s all right with you.

Katie: Let’s go for it. So what is dopamine?

Dr. Barter: So dopamine is our pleasure-seeking hedonistic neurotransmitter. It’s why we do things that, maybe, aren’t good. For starters, just as a really broad one, it’s why people do drugs, honestly, because you get a huge dopamine dump, but it’s also why we feel motivated, its why people use sugar, and so, this is our reward pathway. So, for example, you know, you’re feeling low one day or you feel worthless, and you’re like, “You know what, I just don’t feel good about myself. I am going to go into the cabinet and get some sugar,” and then suddenly you feel better. And so, you actually have a huge dopamine dump that pumps during that time period, and then, about two hours later, you feel worse than you did before you actually had the dopamine. So, ultimately, when the sugar is in your system, the dopamine can rise, you know, 150% above normal levels. And so, some things that we see, let me just read a few of the symptoms that we’ll see with lower dopamine, and you don’t have to have all of these but you can have some of these. Well, let me just tell you a few of these so that some people can potentially relate. You have feelings of hopelessness, you have self-destructive thoughts, you have an inability to handle stress, which may be really relevant right now, anger and aggression while under stress, you don’t feel rested even after long hours of sleep, you prefer to isolate yourself from others, you have unexplained lack of concern for family and friends, you’re easily distracted from your tasks, you have an inability to finish tasks, you need to consume caffeine to stay alert, you feel like your libido has decreased, you lose your temper for minor reasons, and you have feelings of worthlessness. And so, all of those are related to dopamine dysfunction.

And, what was really interesting was, I got into this in practice because patients would come in and they would say, you know, we would go over the diet that we needed to do, I do a 30-day elimination diet in practice and they’re all on board, and then, what would happen would be, they would come back in and they would be sheepish, and they’d say, “I really want to do it but I can’t.” And I would ask, “Is this a willpower issue?” And they were like, “I just can’t stay away from sugar or these carbohydrates.” And, really drilling down into that, they were trying to help themselves by eating the sugar and carbohydrates to boost it up. And so, that’s what we are seeing, was the dopamine would boost up for a little while and then it would go lower than it was before baseline. And so, you know, you end up in this vicious cycle trying to help yourself. So that made me start to really investigate how we could increase dopamine and what we could do. So that’s, kind of, the overview on, maybe, why dopamine is a little important.

Katie: Yeah, that definitely sounds like something you’d want to correct if those symptoms were ringing true with anybody listening. Obviously, sugar is not the way to correct it other than a temporary feel-better fix. So from a whole-body perspective, what are some of the ways that we can support the body’s natural dopamine response correctly?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, that’s a great, great question, and there’s not a simple answer to that so I’m just going to go ahead and run through all those. Number one, a lot of dopamine is made in the gut which seems counterintuitive because it is a brain chemical. So really looking at what’s going on in your gut, do you have any sort of infection, do you have a viral infection, do you have a parasitic infection? Do you have SIBO, do you have a yeast overgrowth, do you have leaky gut? Do you have dysbiosis of the gut or improper gut flora? You know, all of those things are really important to correct because, you know, a lot of dopamine is made in the gut. Second thing that is highly critical, and I’ll just tell you, most people do have gut issues. A lot of people don’t come through clean on the testing, I’m always surprised if that happens, but most people really do have gut issues even if they’re not showing gut signs and symptoms, like bloating, or changes in stool, or whatever it would be. It can be like ataxia. A lot of people will have more brain-type symptoms with gut issues, so it can go across the board. It’s really variable.

The second thing that I will see is, blood sugar dysregulation is huge. I see this in probably 90% of folks, and a lot of folks say, “Hey, you know, I don’t have diabetes so I don’t have blood sugar dysregulation.” And that’s not true, most people are hypoglycemic, hyperglycemic, a mix between hyper and hypoglycemic, so low and high blood sugar. And all of those things, ultimately, can deplete your neurotransmitters, especially dopamine. And so, that’s important because when we eat glucose, you know, the dopamine is going to rise and then it falls. So there was an interesting study that was done where they were injecting people with glucose, and they saw a dramatic rise on dopamine. So they know that that is correlated and that when the glucose is in your system, you have higher than normal levels of dopamine. But what we’ve also found, and why this can cause blood sugar dysregulation or also, and I’ll get to why this can cause, also, obesity is, they did a study. There was an experimental group, these poor rats, they were put on a food deprivation diet for 12 hours, so, no food. And then, at the end of that 12 hours, they were given another 12 hours, 10% access to a sugar solution or a sucrose solution, and then, also, rat chow for 21 days, okay? The rats increase their intake of the sugar solution consistently across the board, and then, they ate most of the sugar solution in the first hour they were given that. And then, when they looked at these rats’ dopamine levels, they were increased over 130%, and the control group, it was just given the rat chow, whatever that is, did not see a spike on dopamine on the same days. What they measured was, “Hey, do these rats also feel satisfied after they’ve gotten the sugar solution?” And the ultimate answer was, no, they did not feel satisfied, and so, they had what we call a delayed ACh response which makes us feel satisfied or acetylcholine.

And so, this drives us to, number one, binge eat, and number two, eat more sugar. And so, what we see is, you know, there’s an old Guns and Roses song that is actually about addiction and says, “I used to do a little, a little wouldn’t do, as the little got more and more.” And that’s actually what we saw with the rats, it started off with just a little bit and then they increased daily on how much they were eating. And so, if you’re eating more and more sugar to meet those needs, we’re also seeing a change in your blood sugar as well, and so, ultimately, we’re in a vicious cycle like, “Okay, well, we’re raising it and then we’re lowering it even more.”

And, what they have also found was, there was another study that looked at two controls in a population to figure out, maybe, why we have such an obesity epidemic. You know, I think they believe about 30% of the population is obese at this point, which is a tragedy. And so, they looked at, “Okay, is this about how much people are moving or is this about how much processed sugar is potentially in the foods that we’re eating?” And Nestlé did a study in 1998 to see how many new processed foods were hitting the shelves in the grocery store, and they saw 11,000 processed foods hitting the shelf every single year up until 1998, which means that probably now, it’s substantially more, and so, they’re finding that they’re using more processed sugar. And so, these are not just baked goods, I want to be clear about that. My patients say, “Did you know that salad dressing has sugar in it? Did you know that ketchup has sugar in it?” “Yes, I did. Canned foods can have sugar in it.” Anything processed can have sugar in it. And so, looking at these things, this definitely is causing a huge dysregulation in our dopamine systems. So really cooking at home because also, you know, restaurants are adding sugar, it makes that food more addictive. You want more, you had a pleasurable feeling when you ate that food, and you’re like, “Wow, I like that restaurant. Wow, I like that brand of X, Y, and Z.” And the manufacturers know, or the restaurants know you’re going to buy more, you’re going to eat more, because sugar is so highly addictive and there’s even been some chatter that it’s more addictive than drugs. People that have stopped drugs that use sugar now, they say it’s harder to get off of than the hardcore drugs that they were doing. So really looking at stabilizing those blood sugar levels is incredibly critical.

The next thing that we see with neurotransmitters is, you have to have the right nutrients in your system to make dopamine, okay? So people always ask me, “Okay, well, what can I take to get more dopamine in my system?” And it’s really not that simple because you can make yourself sicker by using some of these things. You can increase brain inflammation that will ultimately create something that we call quinolinic acid in the system, right? And, that can lead to scary, scary conditions like brain degeneration, dementia, ALS, you know, things that you just do not want to bridge the…things that you just, absolutely, do not want. So, I’m not going to give recommendations on how to increase dopamine, but I will say that simple things contribute to the making of dopamine, certain B-vitamins. Our methylation pathway is really important, believe it or not, vitamin C and copper are used in the making of dopamine as well, and also tyrosine. Looking at all these things, you have to make sure they’re in the correct balance. And we run a test called an organic acids test or you can also run a nutrition test just to see where these levels are. And, as a general rule, most people are very, very low in vitamin C. In fact, some of the experts have said that we’re going to see a recurrence of scurvy, ultimately, here pretty soon. And with, you know, the epidemic that’s going on here, you know, vitamin C in a lot of the studies of other countries protect people, especially liposomal or intravenous, you know, doing it with an IV. So, we are incredibly, incredibly low in vitamin C, you know, and in looking at those levels, also B-6 is incredibly low in a huge amount of the population. So, you know, running that testing to figure out where the nutrient imbalances are, and what can be pushed to actually make dopamine?

Another thing that they have shown is trauma is actually linked to having lower than normal dopamine. Again, also, limiting your processed foods, eating organic, eating clean foods, you know, because we know that chemicals and environmental exposure will also deplete these neurotransmitters, any sort of inflammation will also deplete these neurotransmitters, anything systemically that you have going on that could be, you know, creating a stress on your system. So that’s a lot of things, so it’s about fixing the body first, and then all these other things will fall into place.

Katie: That makes sense. And to go a little deeper and tease apart a couple of the things that you said. So I love that you brought up blood sugar, and hypoglycemia, or hyperglycemia, and I’d love to go into a little bit more detail on this and about testing. I think this is something I definitely had when I was younger, especially, as a teenager, and something I don’t have now. Even when I do long fasts, like, my blood sugar is extremely stable. And I’m curious, what approach you take to managing this with your patients. Just, like, myself, for my own data, I often will test my fasting blood glucose with just an at-home glucose meter a few times a month just because I feel like that’s a pretty good baseline and something I want to keep an eye on. And, mine’s usually about like 87 which is the range, kind of, where I want it. And I also test the HbA1c or the hemoglobin A1c every few months just to have that marker as well. But I’m curious, for people at home listening, how can they know if they might be hypoglycemic or hypoglycemic, and how can they pay attention to their blood sugar?

Dr. Barter: First off, those are super great comments. I do what you do. I send people home with a glucometer and I have them check at fasting, and then, I also have them check it about an hour and a half to two hours after they’ve eaten. So, first thing, fasting. I like to see fasting blood glucose around 83 to 87. So that’s when you first wake up in the morning, that is not having coffee, and just seeing where that number is. I will generally run an overview blood test just to get an idea. And on the overview blood test, you know, you’re going to check things like just regular glucose which is a snapshot in time of where your glucose is, and hemoglobin A1c which shows us a measure of, really, where you’ve been for the last three months. So it gives us a little bit longer-term data on where your blood sugar has been. And I have people check it, and then, I, ultimately, will do strategies to potentially lower, elevate, or stabilize that.

For some people, they really need to eat more frequently, for some people, we actually need more time in between the meals, and they just need to do three stable meals per day. Everybody is a little bit different, it depends on what we’re dealing with. So a lot of folks that come into my office actually have more eating disorders. So they don’t eat enough as a general rule, you know, they’re eating, probably, around 1000 calories a day, and so, I need to increase how much they’re eating. But I have them check their glucose and their glucometer multiple times a day, and as we start to do the interventions, you know, stabilizing the blood sugar, we see that level out. But, yes, I completely agree with the glucometer, you know, intervention. And, most people have glucose problems across the board even though they tell me that they don’t, even though they tell me they’re low, but you’ll see people get shaky if they haven’t eaten, hangry if they haven’t eaten, they feel like they need sugar after a meal to feel like they’re made whole or because they’re still continuing to crave foods, they don’t feel satisfied after a meal. You know, all of those things are actually contributed to having hyper, or hypoglycemia, or a mix of both.

So when somebody eats, we really want to see that glucose rise no more than 30 points above baseline. So let’s say, you know, your fasting glucose is 87, you eat breakfast and your glucose is, you know, 200, that’s too much of a spike. You either ate too many carbohydrates at that meal, you ate too much food, so depending on what’s going on, you might need a little more fat to stabilize that. So an example I like to give is, I went out one night, and I like to check my glucose as well. And that night I had protein and vegetables for dinner and ate out, and I don’t generally do that, and I had a glass and a half of alcohol. I had wine, red wine, Malbec, I think. I woke up the next day, checked my blood sugar 12 hours later. My blood sugar, I run at 85, was 198. A hundred and ninety-eight after the alcohol and the food that I ate, again, which was protein and vegetables. That was terrifying. That was about the last time I had alcohol because it was such an extreme spike, and guess what, that’s going to cause a lot of inflammation, aches, and pains, it’s also going to deplete your neurotransmitters. So really looking at the things that you’re doing that you think might be benign, same thing, you know, like with eating cookies, or, you know… I didn’t have any signs and symptoms the next day, I didn’t have a headache, I was getting ready to go for a run, nothing. So absolutely no symptoms of my blood sugar being up, you know, that much higher than its normal baseline which is quite scary, to be honest.

Katie: Yeah, no kidding, that is extremely drastic. And I like that you also mentioned with sugar, just how addictive it can be because I think we don’t call this out enough, and, especially, when we give kids so much sugar without even really thinking about the potentially addictive nature of sugar. I mean, we’re talking about in adults, like, what the cycle looks like and seeing these problems and then having to undo them. But obviously, with kids, we want to, hopefully, avoid the problem to begin with. And I’ve had multiple guests on this podcast that have said the same thing and including someone who actually had addictions to multiple drugs and said that breaking sugar was absolutely harder than heroin or cocaine. So that’s, like, really a staggering thing to think about, and this is a drug that we’re all…or not all of us, most of us, consuming very regularly. Do you have any tips for breaking that sugar addiction? Because I also think it’s really important to speak to, like you talked about at the beginning, this is not just a willpower issue. Like, if you have low dopamine and you have some of these symptoms going on, it’s not just that you don’t have enough willpower, you actually have something physiologically going on that needs to be addressed. So when someone is in that cycle, any tips for starting the process of breaking that?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, that’s a great question. First thing I’d like to say is that, I fell into this and I teach people about, you know, breaking this all the time, and I take people through this diet. But, my hours started increasing at work and I was a little more stressed out, and I found myself stopping at Whole Foods and picking up a cookie, and I felt guilty, and ashamed, and embarrassed about the whole thing, and hoped nobody I knew saw me because, you know, I felt like I was a complete hypocrite. And I just felt way more fatigued and exhausted. And come to find out, I had moved into a house at the time that had high levels of mold, environmental mold, which also depletes dopamine. And so, what I assumed was, “Hey, like, I am just way more stressed out, my hours have increased, you know, I’m working harder.” And I had all these reasons on why this had happened, but I was, actually, heavily being exposed to an environmental chemical that…we know that black mold depletes dopamine in a huge way. So the first tip I’d like to say in breaking that addiction is making sure you’re not being exposed on a daily basis in your home. There is a test that you can do, it’s called RealTime Lab test. You can get it yourself, it’s a dust test. It checks your home levels for mold. Is there going to be mold? You know, we want to make sure that the mold inside the house is not greater than the mold outside. Obviously, we’re exposed to just, you know, mold in our environment, but we just don’t want there to be black mold growing that is creating all kinds of problems.

I think the second thing to get started with is making sure to go on a, I think, an elimination diet, is really helpful in most people breaking the addiction. You know, really limiting processed foods, actually, limiting processed foods altogether for 30 days, and really working on seeing how you do with that. Some people have also said that light therapy increases your neurotransmitters, so using a lightbox in the morning can be very, very helpful at you just feeling good. I’ll never forget, I was actually with a friend one day and she said, “I’ve got to be honest with you, I thought that, you know, you always being in a good mood, and energized, and all that, like, I thought that you were faking that.” And I was like, “Oh, really?” And she goes, “I didn’t realize you really felt like that.” And I was like, “Oh, really? What changed your mind?” And she said, “I actually got a lightbox and I think that I feel like you, I have all this energy.” So, I mean, looking at that. And then, also, I think, in breaking the addiction, it’s really, really important to run the testing and figure out, “Okay, what’s low? How can you optimize your system to help yourself, to figure out, “Hey, do I have a gut infection, what else could be going on here?” And, I think one of the most important things to do, overall, is become an advocate for your health, you have to read labels. You know, food manufacturers are tricky and they’re not going to call out and say, you know, all the time, they’re going to get really creative names like “rice syrup,” or they’re going to say things like “sucrose.” Like, what is sucrose, you know? Ultimately, you know, all of these things, high fructose corn syrup, I think most people are pretty well educated that that’s sugar. But they’re going to be really creative on what they’re calling sugar. So I think, you know, limiting your exposure to all of these things is a really important start to breaking the addiction. You know, in, again, looking at some of these diet fads, you know, keto, paleo, I personally do a mix between the two of those. I’ve been a paleo advocate for a long time with, you know, a little bit of keto in there, as well. And so, I think, you know, some of these things, cooking at home, watching out how much you go to restaurants, all of those things are really important to kicking this addiction.

Katie: Yeah, I think those are all such great tips, and I’ll make sure we link. I know you have some resources about this, and I do as well, on some of these topics. I’ll make sure all of those are linked at wellnessmama.fm for any of you guys listening. And I know the other neurotransmitter you mentioned at the beginning that comes into play here is serotonin. And so, I’d love to understand, like, how did the two of those play together or separately, and then, what kind of approach do we need to address serotonin as well?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, great question. Serotonin is powerful. A lot of people have heard more about serotonin because, you know, if somebody feels, you know, serotonin plays like the traditional depression. Like, “Wow, I can’t get out of bed.” That looks a whole lot more like a serotonin. A lot of people have heard of SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, right? You know, that they’ll go to their doctor and get these “antidepressants.” And so, you know, there has been a higher understanding of serotonin, let me just run through a few of the symptoms. I will tell you on running testing, I have only ever seen one person that actually had full neurotransmitter function on both serotonin and dopamine, but they had severe brain inflammation that made them feel like they didn’t have it, so almost every person I’ve seen has low neurotransmitter function across the board. But here are some of the signs and symptoms, losing pleasure in hobbies and interests, overwhelmed with ideas to manage, feelings of inner rage or anger, feelings of paranoia, feeling sad or down for no reason, you feel like you’re not enjoying life, you feel like you lack artistic expression, you feel depressed in overcast weather, you’re losing your enthusiasm for your favorite activities, you’re losing your enjoyment for your favorite foods, you’re losing enjoyment for friendships and relationships, you have difficulty falling into a deep restful sleep, you have feelings of dependency on others, you feel more susceptible to pain, feelings of unprovoked anger and losing interest in life. And, all of these symptoms were developed, actually, by Datis Kharrazian, and so, I want to make sure I give him credit where credit is due, he did a great job developing these.

So serotonin is really important for us to feel happy, and a lot of times what will happen is people come in and they’ll say, “I have no reason to feel sad but I just do not like my life. I’ve got everything but I’m like ‘Meh,’ when it comes to everything, ‘I just don’t care, I don’t want to do this.’ And I don’t have a reason for feeling this way. And I feel guilty that I feel like this.” That is serotonin deficiency. And serotonin is much more deficient in women than it is in men, especially with our Western diet, that we’re looking at really high fat, high sugar, you know, processed carbohydrates, it affects women so much more than it affects men. Also, the lowering of serotonin is much more affected in the winter months and in dark periods of time. And so, what you see people try to do is, again, sugar plays but also binge eating plays a lot more in serotonin as well as with dopamine. So you’ll see people will, kind of, eat mindlessly to increase it, and as we get into full-blown eating disorders, what we see is, most people don’t feel normal unless they are eating excessive amounts of food. That’s the only time these people with eating disorders or binge eating disorders actually feel normal, is when they’re consuming food. And right after that, it drops off lower than it does on baseline for everybody else. So it’s like you’re feeding, feeding, feeding, you never feel satisfied, and then it drops off much lower. And the only time you can feel normal again is when you’re consuming food. So this creates a culture of, number one, binge eating, excessive eating, and you don’t have that, again, feeling of satisfaction. And both serotonin and dopamine play in, not only sugar consumption, but also binge eating as well or eating, or over-consuming, or eating mindlessly, both of these things are high when you’re eating, and then they drop down so much lower when you’re not eating.

Katie: Gotcha. Okay, that makes sense. And I know a lot of people with neurotransmitter issues, especially when that leads into things like depression, often turn to medication. And you’ve mentioned medication a couple of times, you’ve also talked about a lot of strategies for boosting it naturally. Do you think there is a time and a place for medication or, like, over time, can we support the body and remove that need?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, so, gosh, that is such a good question too. Yes, there have been cases where people are very suicidal, they’re on the edge, and it takes some time to boost some of these things back up. So if you’re on the edge or you’re feeling suicidal, I mean, certainly, there are a time and a place to really… You know, if you’re a danger to yourself, absolutely, get on medication for a short period of time, that’s what it’s there for, that’s what it was developed for. I’m personally not a fan of long-term antidepressant strategies. I think that you should be able to make these neurotransmitters yourself and help yourself instead of being on a medication, because, ultimately, with a medication, these are not boosting your serotonin levels. You know, they’re keeping the serotonin circulating in your brain but you’re not elevating it, that’s why when you come off of these medications, you feel like you’re getting brain zapped, you feel much more depressed than you were before you were actually on the medication, and you drop down. So I think it’s dropped down to a lower than normal levels of serotonin. So it’s important to build the serotonin back up and figure out why it’s low. Like, what were you exposed to, what happened, was this a trauma situation that happened? Why this was low? Were you going through something at the time, do you have a gut infection? And whatever it is, the things are the same, the things that depleted are the same as dopamine. But address those things because that’s going to be a really important long-term strategy to get this boosted back up. And so, yes, absolutely, short term, I can certainly see the use, but what I see when patients come in after being on an SSRI or, you know, antidepressant is, they’re like, “You know, I don’t feel any lows but I don’t feel any highs either, I’m just, kind of, flat. And, oh, by the way, I’m gaining weight and I don’t understand why.” And so, a lot of people come to me and they say, you know, “How do I not feel bad coming off of this thing, how can I come off of this because I don’t believe it’s serving me anymore. And, yes, I felt great benefit for the first couple of months but after that, I felt like it went flat.” Or they have to increase their dosage, and then, they just don’t feel any better and gaining weight. So, yes, I believe, short term, if you’re a danger to yourself, that’s absolutely where the medication came into play, but, ultimately, I see people really, really thrive after coming off antidepressants and really boosting their own neurotransmitter levels up, you know, in doing those strategies.

I just feel like when it comes to our lifestyle, there are really no shortcuts. You can do a medication, short term, but, ultimately, you, kind of, you just feel, kind of, flat after a while. So there’s really no shortcuts to health, you have to do the work. You have to go through and be, like, “Is it a gut infection, am I being environmentally exposed, what does my blood sugar look like, what does my diet look like? I need to read labels to see what I’m eating, I need to be outside, I need to have great relationships, I need to figure out what’s causing this stress, or where are my nutrient imbalances?” And all of these things create stress on the overall system. When we think of stress, we think of, “Oh, wow, you know, my marriage isn’t going so well,” or “I got in a fight with this person.” We really have to look at, “Okay, what is causing overall stress in our system? And nutrient imbalances can absolutely cause overall stress in our system, so can, you know, environmental toxins and so can gut issues. So really looking at this with a fine-tooth comb, and running the testing, and try not to do this yourself. People come in, they’ll say, “Oh, well, you know, I found some St. John’s wort for my serotonin levels being low.” Okay. Well, I mean, that’s great, and St. John’s wort can be helpful, but you’re really only looking at a small piece. Like, “Why isn’t your serotonin functioning, is it because you don’t have enough St. John’s wort, is it because some of your B vitamins are lacking? Like, where is there a break in the pathway, is it because you’re exposed to heavy metals?” That causes all kinds of breaks in our pathways that we’re not able to create the things that we actually need to create with neurotransmitters. You know, do you have dysbiosis? So just look at the entire picture to figure out how to boost it up.

Katie: Yeah, makes total sense. And I love that you mentioned, also, light and dealing with trauma because those were actually big keys for me personally. A habit that I started years ago with the advice of my doctor was, just going outside in the morning as soon as possible after waking up and just spending time outside even if it’s not sunny, it doesn’t have to be in the sun but just being in natural light very soon after waking up. And that helped so much my sleep, and my mood, and is now, like, a regular part of my life because of that. And I think a lot of people discount things like just how much light affects us and how much gut healing was a huge thing for me. And then, for me, personally, the last two years were, kind of, a journey of dealing with trauma because I used to have this idea that, like, I was doing all the physical stuff right, and I could just power through. And it wasn’t until I addressed all of that, the mental and emotional side as well, that all of those pieces eventually fully fell into place. And so, I think you’re right, I think this is a very holistic broad approach that’s different for every single person, and I totally understand why it’s tempting to want to just be able to find that single solution in a pill or in, you know, some kind of medication.

But if I’ve learned anything in these last 13 years, it’s just how personalized and individualized each of us is. And it seems like at the end of the day, finding our own answers requires that, working with someone who knows what they’re doing, and getting specific testing, and then, also implementing and trying because each of our own answers is going to be, potentially, very different. I’m sure you probably see that as well in your practice.

Dr. Barter: Yes. And, you know, I think a lot of people will come in, you know, with tons of supplements, and I think why I really warn against this is because they tend to be really sick. They’re like, “I went to the vitamin store and I’m taking this, for this, and this, for this, and that, for this over here. And it’s unwinding that, that it becomes so challenging because, you know, supplements can be very powerful, they’re very powerful medicine, and have to be used in the correct way. And so, some of the sickest patients I’ve seen are actually doing this, for this, and that, for that, with no end in sight. And, what I think is really important to note about supplements or doing these things, these nutraceuticals is, for most people, there should be a beginning and an end with them, right? So let’s say we’re boosting up neurotransmitter levels, okay? So in certain cases, I’ll start with certain nutraceuticals to boost these things up, but if they have a rampant gut infection, I’ll avoid certain things with doing dopamine because it can create such a severe toxic byproduct, and that creates a danger-situation for your brain. So, yes, I very much believe that there should be a beginning and an end you should have. “Okay, we looked at your testing and we see this going on in your gut, let’s address the gut, and then, we’re going to move on to something else because your gut should be healed up, you know, after we do these things, these X, Y, Z things, we can recheck to make sure that’s the case. And then, we move into these other things, Okay, wow, you know, this B-Vitamin is off and, you know, this antioxidant is off. Okay, what else could…” you know? So we have to figure out why boost these up, and then, ultimately, people just start to build and they just feel so much better.

But when we’re looking at trauma, I think that was really an important point that you brought up. When we’re looking at trauma, when you’re really stressed out, you know, not only the foods that you eat blow your blood sugar, but, ultimately, what’s going on in your life blows your blood sugar. If you’re constantly upset, you know, in a trauma-based situation, you’re never going to get someone’s blood sugar stable. If they hate their job and hate everything about their life, you know, ultimately, you have to look at that piece because stress really does blow the blood sugar as well. I’ve had people eat a perfect diet, do all of these things right, but until they heal the trauma, until they are healing what’s going on in their life, their blood sugar isn’t going to be stable. And so, that’s going to create such an inflammatory response in their overall body. These things are just all so critical to address, and I think, looking at these things, there’s just no shortcuts, and I just think it’s so important to heal the body. And I laugh. You know, people are like, “Yeah, I’ve tried to do this myself but I just couldn’t get all the way through it.” And they’re like, you know, “What do you think of that?” And unless you can read and interpret the testing, he who has himself for a doctor has a fool for a doctor, because you see what you want to see instead of being objective to the situation, and then, when the work becomes hard, a lot of people don’t want to go down that path, so we avoid. You know, you said, “Okay, I can do all the health stuff, I can take all the supplements,” but the part that’s hardest for us is probably the part that we need to address the most like the trauma piece, when you spoke about that. That’s a piece that’s particularly really important if you’re avoiding that. Or if that’s not the easiest piece for you to address, and where we have a blind eye is the most important piece.

Katie: Yeah. I think that’s such a great point. And this has been such a great primer into the world of neurotransmitters, and I hope that it’s also given people hope. That this is something that, while it may take time, and, like, any true healing in the body, I think, does take time, I feel like the body does want to move back into a state of health and of balance. And so, it’s finding the ways to support each of our own bodies in doing that.

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As we get close to the end of our interview, are there any resources, and I can make sure they’re linked in the show notes, for people who feel like they’ve heard things that are matching up with their symptoms or that are really resonating so they can keep learning or find out more?

Dr. Barter: On neurotransmitters, specifically, is that what you’re asking?

Katie: Yeah. Or even the blood sugar stuff. Just, kind of, starting points of all of this.

Dr. Barter: We have tons of resources on our website with all of that, it’s on altfammed.com. We have tons of links and resources with that as well as the neurotransmitters, and we also cover a lot of these on our podcast, which is fearlesshealthpodcast.com, just really going through all of the blood sugar and the neurotransmitter stuff. Somebody that has a great book, I think, that really nailed neurotransmitters, I think one of my favorite books in primer of that was Datis Kharrazian, “Why My Brain Isn’t Working.” He did a great overview of a lot of the neurotransmitters as well.

Katie: Awesome. I will make sure those are linked in the show notes so people can find them and keep learning. Another question I love to ask at the end of interviews is, if there’s a book or a number of books that have really dramatically impacted your life, and, if so, what they are and why?

Dr. Barter: Okay. So that’s a great question. One of my favorite books that completely affected my life, you know, as we talk about the trauma piece. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer, and she was on hormone replacement therapy. This was before I got into this. And, you know, I think that that was a big driver for her ovarian cancer. Her hormone levels on the patch hadn’t been rechecked in, I think, 12 years and she continued to use the patch. So she died of ovarian cancer, stage 4 was when it was actually finally caught. And I read the book “Dying to Be Me.” And, that was a very, very powerful book about being who we are and this woman that recovered from stage 4 cancer on her deathbed. And, boy, that book was incredibly powerful and changed my life. You know, it had me sobbing on my floor and just gave me great peace after reading that. So if somebody has lost somebody, that was a very, very special book. Another one that I really loved, a book that changed my life quite a bit was… Oh, I do not deal with Lyme quite a bit. I don’t deal with Lyme in my practice, it’s not really my bag. But Neil Nathan’s book, “Toxic,” taking you through all of the cofactors of Lyme. I thought that that was a book that really opened my eyes and changed my opinion of Lyme, and all its cofactors, and the testing that’s generally done on that. So that was huge, and the book I’m reading now that I also think is very helpful is, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.” And, you know, these books, you know, I’ve really been working into meditation and I’ve started getting really great at meditation and utilizing that, and I think that that has been a powerful, power, power powerful modality in helping treat, you know, anxiety, and overall health, and just becoming recentered. So, that’s been something I’ve been working on in my own life, having that as a daily everyday practice, and I’ve just thought that that has been so powerful.

Katie: I love it. I’ve been taking notes. I’ll put all of those in the show notes as well at wellnessmama.fm. I know many of you listen while exercising or while driving. So if you are doing that, just check out the show notes to find links to everything we’ve talked about. Dr. Barter, I’m so grateful that you were here and shared all this today. I think this is a big topic, especially right now with so much stress going on in the world. And you’ve given so many helpful resources and practical tips today, and I’m just really grateful for you.

Dr. Barter: Thank you so much for doing this and getting your message out. I mean, you’re such a powerful source with all this, and so, thank you for just speaking the truth and continuing to do this. Very, very grateful there’s people like you doing this.

Katie: Aw, thank you. And thanks, as always, to all of you for joining us today, for sharing one of your most valuable resources, your time. We’re both so grateful that you did and that you joined us, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of “The Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/ann-marie-barter/