#like obviously im trying to learn from multiple teachers at once

[mooifyourecows]

moo in so conflicted

eventually i want to at least try to be fluent in spanish korean and polish but i wanna start learning at least 2 now

i’m learning spanish in school and i’m going to have my friends mom teach me because she’s actually fluent and my teacher is not and he’s a horrible teacher i can’t stand him

BUT i also wanna learn a second language simultaneously because i’m bored out of my mind and it looks good on college apps

so i’m looking into korean because hangul is so fun and i consume a lot of korean media, plus since it’s a different alphabet, most americans (at least non-korean americans) don’t choose to learn it so it’ll stand out

i think the standing out thing also applies to polish and i have a more sentimental connection to it since i’m very polish and i really wanna go visit one day and see where my great great grandparents lived and i also just think it’s a beautiful language, and a big part of wanting to learn korean is the media and being able to understand what i’m enjoying, but i also want to start listening to more polish music and watching more polish tv so i’m not sure

also! if you have a second (or third or fourth and so on) language you can speak what is it? do you have any languages you wanna learn? i think i want to learn romanian as well but that’s for the future for sure

I hear that after you learn your second language, it's much easier to learn more. If I were you, I'd focus on learning Spanish. Really get the hang of it, immerse myself in learning it to the point that Im practicing it every day. I wouldnt want to overwhelm myself with multiple languages at once, especially languages that are SO different from each other. I don't want to mix up rules, right?

Then, once I feel like I've got a good understanding of it, maybe to the point of being able to hold conversations, I'd maybe consider dipping my toes in another language.

I don't think learning one language at a time should be very boring, unless you're some kind of language learning machine and its not challenging enough for you. If that's the case, then you should learn it quickly enough that you can move onto the next one easy peasy without having to juggle two at a time. If it is boring, then maybe you should find new ways to make it interesting? Find some podcasts to listen to or do some fun writing/reading exercises/games. Listen to Spanish music and try to interpret it as you do, even write the lyrics down and then check the official translation online to see how well you did! Watch Spanish media with the subtitles off and see how much you can understand!

Find a way to make it fun!

After you get the hang of the act of learning a language, the world is your oyster! Learn Korean and Polish and German and Japanese and Cantonese or even Tamil!

Don't get too hung up on trying to achieve everything all at once. Learning languages is hard. It's something that you never really stop doing, even with your native language. It's gonna take time and for a while its going to be so frustrating, but eventually, if you stick with it, it'll all come together

And to answer your question, nah I don't know any language other than English. I took a semester of Spanish in college but it was at like 7 am in the morning and I didn't do like 100 of the online exercises. I'm pretty sure I only passed because my partner and I took it together and sat at the front of the class and participated with every lesson as a way to suck up for all the.... not doing of the homework.

I'd love to learn more languages some day though! Spanish would be my top because it seems the most useful here in America. But I'm really interested in Arabic and African languages. Like maybe Yoruba or Igbo. Japanese and Korean are obviously two that I'd really like to learn because of the whole media consumption deal. I would love to be able to watch anime or Korean media without subtitles. Oh and also ASL. I would looooooove to know how to use ASL

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in learning! Stick to it and don't give up! You can do it, I believe in you! 🌈🖤

[cvokhauz]

i am spiralling for multiple reasons and maybe writing it out will help. it’s very difficult to get my own thoughts under control, i have not experienced this since i was about 13. first of all, my bachelor’s thesis is due today and while it is 99% percent done i keep putting off the actual putting of it in the digital repository for minuscule reasons because once it is there, that’s IT and i cannot change it and i live in fear i will notice some glaring mistake immediately after i do that, which is irrational as fuck. anyway i gotta basically just wait for the title confirmation and upload it and then go print it. (which costs money which is another thing i am paranoid about i keep spending and costing people money and for what, being an uncertain useless fucking wreck) and then whatever will be will be.

but being in this state for so long is making me question my sanity. i can’t fucking eat, i keep hurling up everything except like orange juice and mana, i am tense and have a pit of anxiety in my stomach which makes me wish for literally anything else. passive suicidal ideation extremely common.

now, i’ve convinced myself i have ADHD or some form of neurodivergency because i fit a lot of the experiential symptoms reported by other people, mostly interest-focused attention, highly fluctuating, trouble concentrating, memory like a fucking colander, need for stimulation (always doodling, drawing, reading)

but previously (at the Bad Time when i was 13) i got diagnosed with OCD, mostly on the basis of these same spiralling catastrophic thought patterns i am experiencing now, and i distinctly remember being unable to put down a book or any other form of stimulation keeping me occupied and engage with material reality because within like 15 minutes i would start shaking and crying uncontrollably. it feels very much like i am holding on to a last tiny straw to keep myself from slipping back to that place. obviously this is due to high stress of the situation right now, but also i can’t keep going on like this and i have not found meaningful help yet. i keep self-sabotaging by forgetting my appointment dates even if i write them down immediately in several places. i dont remember, i lose my diary, i lose my phone, forget to check email. i’ve tried to pursue clinical diagnosis in a reputable center in prague bc a friend recommended it, which took a tremendous amount of energy to reach out to and communicate out all the bureaucracy, but on the day i was supposed to go there, while on the fucking train to the place, they texted me to say my appointment is cancelled due to the clinician having covid vaccine complications. so since then i haven’t been able to muster up the energy for another try but i really fucking feel like i need to because this situation is unsustainable.

this is all absolutely ridiculous because i am studying psychology and want to become a clinical psychologist myself. lol. also im wondering if the adhd-like symptoms i am exhibiting are maybe partially developed as a coping mechanism for the ocd stuff? thoughts cant spiral if you have a million of them and always jump to the next shiny thing. cant dwell if u cant even concentrate. also i’ve seen my parents this weekend and it really struck me how much of the neurosis and dwelling comes from my dad (is it genetic? is it learned bc he projected it on me when i was small?) and the hyperactivity and self esteem issues from my mum, who is quintessentially an elementary school teacher at all times.

theoretically i know what a healthy goal for my life and mental health looks like, but i can’t fucking. get there. or cant seem to be able to get there. without external support. and the worse it gets the worse i get at reaching for this support. anyway. moral of the story is - even if my bakalářka fails, i will survive somehow and do a new one and get some fucking help hopefully.

i really should see someone about this.

#tw mental health #rant

[nagipops]

KONOHA ELEVEN IN A ZOOM CLASS!

FEATURING: naruto, sakura, shikamaru, ino, choji, hinata, kiba, shino, neji, rock lee, and tenten

WARNINGS: mentions of food

NARUTO

definitely has forgotten that he was unmuted multiple times

or his camera was accidentally turned on

you could just see him sprawled on his bed with a bowl of instant ramen on his lap and a blanket wrapped around himself

EARRAPE SLURPS!! rip headphone users.

sometimes he notices that his camera’s turned on and you can see him freak out and scramble to turn it off

but he accidentally unmutes himself too and so you just hear panicked yelling

his device topples to the floor with a loud crash and he screams so loud istg

the next thing you see is naruto’s face hovering over the camera in fear just before his camera turns off and he’s muted again

the teacher is so confused?? naruto should i call an ambulance

but when he’s not eating in class, he’s sleeping in class

too busy sleeping to leave the zoom at the end of class so he’s always the last one left in the meeting besides the teacher

always asks sakura what happened during the zoom and she is FED UP

SAKURA

enters the waiting room 15 minutes before class is actually supposed to begin

spends the next 15 minutes rearranging her work area, making sure she’s prepared for the day

sits properly at her desk with her hair smoothed down and her face positioned perfectly in frame

if no one else has their camera on, she’s the only one with it on

seriously, she ALWAYS HAS IT ON

and she never leaves the screen somehow

diligently takes notes, uses the “raise hand” feature every two minutes to ask a question

sometimes it can get a bit annoying, even for the teacher

but she almost always gets perfect marks

acts like in angel in class, but after class... no promises, naruto!

SHIKAMARU

this man can barely stay awake during missions, so during a zoom? HECK NAH

shikamaru is literally me,, half asleep during lessons but somehow gets amazing grades

everyone’s either pissed at or envious of him (especially naruto)

obviously does not have his camera on

and rarely ever unmutes

uses the chat feature to answer the teacher’s questions but this man is basically asleep so its so incoherent

“shikamaru, what is a hyperbole?”

in chat: “a hyeprbole is a exsaggerayed phras,e”

teacher definitely thinks he’s cheating on tests

INO

either a) daydreaming about boys or b) checking herself out in the zoom camera OR c) secretly fuming at sakura’s know-it-all behavior

the two girls definitely compete to see who can raise their virtual hand first

"ahem, ahem- sensei? could i answer this question?"

her voice gets all sickly sweet and sakura HATES IT

the two of them totally got caught insulting each other in the private chat

100% the type of student to rewrite her notes after classes with various markers and colored pens and pretty fonts and patterns and whatnot

loves doodling flowers in her notebook during boring lessons!

CHOJI

another strong contender for the Loudest Student award!

not on purpose though, he just forgets that space bar = unmute, and plays some jumping game in another tab (like the no internet dino game!)

also,, rip headphone users

c r o n c h munch munch munch

are you kidding this man's chews are loud enough in person, but with a HEADSET?! hoo boy.

has conked out several times during class

just imagine the name Choji Akimichi with a profile picture of a bag of chips light up with the green box around it with a thunk

the teacher and class is so confused

but then you hear mumbles of "barbeque... chips... barbeque..."

and you realize that the man fell asleep onto his keyboard

he sleeps through the rest of class

HINATA

shy bb has never ONCE turned on her camera

the only time she's ever unmuted was to say "here" during attendance on the first day of school

if the teacher ever takes attendance again, she just uses the raise hand feature

what if naruto-kun thinks my voice is ugly? what if i accidentally turn on my camera? what if the teacher thinks i'm not paying attention? what if-

poor baby is too busy worrying about showing herself on zoom to actually pay attention

actually gets good grades though and her classmates wonder if she’s even there

her zoom pfp is definitely just a purple google “H”

KIBA

has the CUTEST zoom pfp hands down

it’s a selfie of him grinning cheerily with baby akamaru

100% has his camera on the whole time to show off his pup

he loves seeing everyone’s faces on screen melt and aww at the lil big doggo

sometimes akamaru just walks in front of the camera and blocks kiba from view and you just see a massive wall of white fur on screen LMAO

even though kiba’s muted, you can see him and akamaru bickering about who knows what

or even play fighting,, these two get into full on BRAWLS during class

just imagine akamaru shoves kiba into his desk and his camera crashes to the ground overturned so you see the ceiling and the occasional dog tail wagging in the corner

seriously, can the teacher ever catch a break with this class?

the answer is no.

SHINO

his zoom pfp is just a tick.

a singular tick

totally answers questions in chat with proper capitalization and punctuation

shikamaru’s improper answers tick him off

“A hyperbole is an expression that is greatly exaggerated. They are used in order to create emphasis.”

has never unmuted in his life either

he’s so unfazed by everything that goes down in class that it’s funny

if anything the slightest bit RELATED to bugs comes up during class, in 0.00238 seconds this man has an entire essay about them posted in chat, almost like he had it copied and READY to paste

everyone's definitely shocked that there’s actually a human listening behind a tick profile picture

NEJI

a very diligent note taker

seriously, this man writes like a printer; perfectly even handwriting that looks like a font, a million words per minute

everyone asks him for his notes after the zoom because they’re so neat (especially naruto, to neji’s dismay)

he gets excellent grades since he’s so organized and focused

just wishes the zoom would be over so he can work alone in peace

really hates unmuting so he often gives one-word answers in the chat

“Yes” “47” “Present” “Goodbye”

has used a zoom reaction ONCE in his life and he has never wanted to crawl into a hole and perish more

it was a complete accident,, mans was just trying to open the chat to type in his answer, but in a cruel twist of fate he clicked on the ��� reaction

and he just sat there for ten excruciating seconds in complete and utter shock and shame for ten excruciating seconds as he prayed for it to disappear

tenten would never let him live that down

ROCK LEE

Zoom Reaction Enthusiast

😂😮👍🎉❤️ 24/7

naruto accidentally unmutes himself? 😮

choji falls asleep on his keyboard? 😂

neji answers something correctly? 👍

tenten received the highest score in class? 🎉

akamaru appears on screen? ❤️

unmutes whenever he needs to, but he thinks the little emoticons are so silly and cute

otherwise, he is EXTRA FOCUSED and EXTREMELY DETERMINED to learn all of the things

he’s the first to unmute whenever the teacher asks if the class can see the screen share, hear them correctly, etc.

never takes his eyes off the screen!! he could be missing out on important information

I FEEL LIKE,, i feel like he would totally keep his camera off when he’s muted but whenever he unmutes he would also turn his camera on

so when he says a quick “yes!” his camera turns on but before his camera can adjust properly to the light he mutes and turns his camera back off so his face is just super dark for a split second LMAOOO

tell me im wrong

TENTEN

exasperated by this entire class

thinks her and neji are the only sane ones in the class and it’s true

wants to tell sakura and ino to stop competing and just focus on learning, since they’re the only other girls in the class besides hinata

plus she’s just fed up with all the lazy boys

takes great pride in passing every assignment, test, or exam with flying colors

teachers pet, but the quieter type who stays after every zoom and sends lots of emails regarding assignments and grades and whatnot (unlike sakura and ino who rub it in the teacher’s face)

doesn’t like helping other people besides neji, girl’s got a soft spot for him since they have a mutual respect for each other

but if you’re a handsome prince, maybe she’ll help you out!

if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3

#naruto headcanons #naruto imagines #naruto uzumaki #sakura haruno #shikamaru nara #shikamaru headcanons #shikamaru imagine #ino yamanaka #choji akimichi #kiba inuzuka #kiba headcanons #kiba imagine #hinata hyuuga #hinata hyuga #shino aburame #neji hyuuga #neji hyuuga imagine #rock lee #tenten #headcanons #og #hc

[alienheartattack]

Hii! I am also a rivamika shipper and omG I love all of your fanfictions! They are so well written and I smile whenever i read one of them. From ur fics, Im guessing rivamika is ur OTP? But- I have been so inspired by ur fics that I want to write my own Rivamika fanfictions, but my writing is nowhere near as good as urs. Do you have any tips on how I can improve?

Thank you so much for your message! It makes me so happy to know that other people enjoy my fics. There's really nothing better when you're reading a story and the feels hit and you've just got this big grin on your face, so that's the feeling I try to go for when I write.

I would say strictly based on the sheer volume of fic I've written, Rivamika is definitely my OTP. I've had other OTPs in the past but I'd never published much fanfiction for them because I tended to join fandoms well past their peak, but there's a definite theme in all of my shipping adventures: a talented but difficult man and the equally talented woman who sees through his bullshit. (I was really into House/Cuddy from House MD back before the show made them canon and then sunk the ship into the Mariana fucking Trench in like 8 episodes. Everyone, please count your blessings that Rivamika isn't canon.)

As for improving your writing... I'm going to try not to write a novel about this because I have Many Feelings About Writing. First off I would caution you not to compare yourself to other writers, but rather look at them as sources of inspiration and emulation. (Mainly I just feel weird when younger fic writers compare themselves to me, since I have an extensive background in writing and editing, I've read a ton, I studied writing in college, and during my last fandom hiatus I got into live comedy and wrote multiple sketch and variety shows as well as a whole-ass play. One of the reasons why I'm as good as I am is because I've been doing this for so long.)

The very unsexy but true answer is that good writing is born from discipline and developing your own practice. Every creative writing teacher I've had has said something along the lines of, "I cannot teach you how to write. I can give you tools and the opportunity to workshop your writing, but you have to figure out the writing process that works best for you." Some people are more productive in the morning or at night; you might write longhand, on your phone, or on a computer; you might start writing with only inspiration to guide you or you might outline extensively before you start. You have to figure out which of these methods work best for you and figure out how to schedule time to write. (Personally, I write mostly at night, I outline extensively, and I take notes on my phone whenever inspiration strikes me because I know I'm going to lose the idea unless I write it down immediately. It's taken years of trial and error to get to this point. My process is still pretty haphazard but it's what works for me.)

To write well, you have to write a whole lot of shit first. It's just a fact; my first drafts are absolute trash and I hate them a lot of the time, but I try not to get discouraged because it's just a skeleton of the final product. You're probably not going to like what you write at first, but all that means is that your skill level doesn't match your taste level yet. If you let that piece of writing sit for a while and come back to it after you've done more reading and more writing days or weeks later, you'll be able to better identify what you don't like and be able to fix it. Ideally you want to do some kind of writing every day or close to it, whether that's writing down an idea in your notes app, scribbling in a notebook on your lunch break, dedicating yourself to a practice of morning pages, or something similar. Even spacing out and thinking about your story can be productive, but only if you write down what you come up with.

Aside from discipline, being a well-rounded writer boils down to developing several core skills:

Reading: You want to read everything you can get your hands on — and I mean everything. The goal is to train yourself to identify writing that you like and to be able to explain why you like it, then employ those devices and concepts in your own writing. Even if you're only planning on writing fiction, there's still amazing writing to be found in nonfiction. (Food writing and travel writing in particular tend to be very evocative in their descriptions.) I also take inspiration from poetry for its impactful use of language. The more you read, the more ideas and stories and references you'll be aware of, and you'll be able to pull inspiration from a wider breadth of resources. If you're still in school, learning critical reading in your literature classes applies here: being able to identify themes, character traits, tropes, rhetorical and literary devices, etc. will help you develop your own preferences and taste.

Researching: I use a dictionary and thesaurus whenever I write. I have a whole folder on my computer of writing resources I've compiled over the years. I google things all the time, even really dumb stuff or basic facts just so I'm certain that I got it right. I think the old adage of "write what you know" doesn't mean that you can only write based on your life experience; rather, you can teach yourself about all kinds of subjects and write about them with a degree of certainty without having directly experienced them yourself. For example, when I write fanfiction with a Rivamika baby, I figure out what I need the kid to do (walk, say cute things, etc.) and then research infant development to see how old the child needs to be in order for these things to be realistic. I once got some feedback on Inexorable that Hana was written like a real child, which made me feel amazing because at the time I was literally never around babies. However, I was able to draw on my limited past experiences with other people's kids and my own research to portray a young toddler somewhat accurately.

Editing: It is a massively helpful skill to be able to read your own writing and approach it with a distant, critical eye. I worked on my high school and college newspapers and learned how to edit other people's writing that way. (Beta reading is a good way to practice this skill.) Being edited at the paper also taught me to stop being possessive over my own writing, even when I thought it was brilliant. Writing is about conveying ideas to another person, usually a total stranger, which means clarity is ultimately more important than adding artistic flourishes. I've also recently started using the Grammarly plugin for basic grammar stuff that I tend to forget. This also ties in with reading; the more you read, the more you'll be able to identify and replicate more effective writing, and the easier time you'll have identifying deficiencies in your own writing.

I've written enough already (I wasn't kidding about the novel) so I'll close with one last tip that is universally helpful: read your writing out loud. Most of the time, you can figure out what you want to say simply by verbalizing it or you'll realize, "Oh, no one talks like this, I would have said X in this situation" and that'll help you write more clearly and realistically.

I love talking about writing (obviously), so feel free to inbox me if you have more questions!

#writing #writeblr #writer problems #just writer things #writerslife

[rvnjun]

should've known | lee jeno

genre: super power au! angst  warnings: graphic death scene, blood, and obvi death a/n: im proud of this one but it made me want to go back and rewrite parts of haechan and jaemins fic :\

The Dream Team M.List

jeno wasn't born with his powers which caused he a lot of damage

he had to learn to adapt to life with them, had to suffer the unexpected consequences of suddenly having powers 

12 years old, his parents were cooking dinner while he played video games

it was a new game so he was still in the midst of creating his character and choosing his weapon 

luckily he had his homework done so he had extra time to decide and play

unluckily he was planning them at the wrong time

a lab was doing experiments on a person with creation powers nearby

the lab surged with power, sending waves of electricity straight to jenos game

his body jolted and erupted with electric shock, the weapons on the game manifesting themselves into his head 

screaming in pain weapons began to spread around the room, all the weapons on his game taking form in real life

his parents were so scared, they rushed him to the hospital, weapons piling in the car

he was treated for electrical burns and introduced to a power therapist who he would end up spending most of his days with 

they didnt want jeno, they didnt want a freak of a son

the power therapist took care of him and made him feel semi normal

he had to transfer schools because he got kicked out of his old one

as unfair as it seemed, they had a right to kick him out

unable to fully control his powers still he was constantly making weapons appear at random times

which put the kids and teachers around him in danger

he spent a few months which his power specialist working on school work

before he finally had his powers under control to the point he could choose when to summon a weapon

and that moment was when his power specialist changed his life once more

he sat him down and looked jeno in the eyes “Jeno you have a gift, not many people have the ability to do what you can do. now what you choose to do with it is up to you. in the meantime i know some kids I think you'd get along with well.”

haechan and jaemin, two other kids with powers 

they were funny and talkative, he got along with them easily

and most importantly, they never judged him for his powers

they thought they were amazing

jeno had always seen his powers as a curse, his own parents never looked at him the same 

but the specialist, haechan, and jamein all had the same look in their eyes

awe and curiosity

the three of them were close friends when they met renjun, a feisty chinese transfer student with drawing manifestation powers 

together the 4 of them started a team

despite how much his powers scared him, hearing the way haechan and renjun talked made him want to

besides, he knew that if something went wrong and they ended up urt, theyd always have jaemin there with his bright smile 

joining their future super team were chenle and jisung, both introduced to them by the power specialist 

together they formed The Dream Team

a super powered team of seemingly ordinary teenagers who did their best to stop crime and unlike most villains, use their powers for good

all they wanted was to help others and give the gifted a good name again

jeno felt like the past years of his life were a rollercoaster, full of so many ups and downs 

he was finally happy thanks to The Dream Team

for the first time in years he felt normal thanks to his friends

after years of pain jeno deserved it

that's when he met you and his life got even better

y/n l/n, another gifted 

jeno met you after a fight, The Dream Team was hugging each other on their job well done when you approached 

you'd been watching them the whole time without them knowing

curious by what they were doing and their powers you used your own to spy

if someone asked jeno what his first impression of you was it wouldn't be hard, he’d tell them that your powers suited you 

you were awkwardly, fumbling over your words as you tried to speak to them

it was hard for you to explain what you were trying to

after nearly 10 minutes of you trying to talk and haechan complaining you finally spit it out 

“i was watching you guys and i want to help you. now my powers might seem very useless to you guys but if you really think about it, i could be very helpful. i could make a great distraction!”

jeno wanted you to join right away but he knew the others wouldn't agree

haechan looked at everyone and spoke up “ well a) we don't even know what your powers are and b) this team kinda consists of friends and you dear person are a stranger who is nameless im assuming as you didn't even tell us your name,,if you have one ”

you immediately looked away at his words before stomping your foot on the ground and pouting 

“MY NAME IS Y/N L/N AND I CAN TURN INVISIBLE!” you yelled at the top of your lung startling everyone

obviously you went invisible and jeno freaked out

“no wait y/n don't go! we won't let you join right away but you can hang out with us to see how things go!” he hollard earning him looks from his friends

they could tell why jeno was so eager for you to join, the fool had fallen in love by simply staring at you 

the rest was history

you joined The Dream Team as their manager/assistant type of person, soon after you and jeno started dating, and of course you became friends with them all

jeno loved you, you were always there for him and putting a smile on his face

you both got shy from affection so you never did any in front of the boys but that didn't stop them from teasing you nonetheless

almost everyday you and jeno went to a cafe for drinks

“would you rather have your current powers or haechans power?”

youd ask making jeno laugh “i think id rather have mine because if I had haechans powers,,i might not have met my friends or most importantly,,you”

jeno and you were in love, both having rough pasts where neither of you were born with your powers and a freak accident caused them, and both of your parents abandoned you and you moved in with a close friend

which only made you guys closer

one of the things jeno loved about you the most was how caring you were during a fight, especially the particularly bad ones

like the time jenos nose was broken after getting smashed in the face with a cat figurine 

you pouted and told jeno you wished you were jaemin and could heal him with your smile

which caused jaemin to jokingly yell at you saying that healing smile was his thing and you needed to get your own brand 

today was one of those bad fights

the boys went in to fight what at first was only one villain but that one villain had a team they didn't know about

the boys were almost all separated 

renjun was drawing as fast as he could, his creations starting to look more and more like a 5 yr old drew them

the weather was close to a hurricane thanks to haechan 

jaemin was freaking out and smiling like a psychopath , without knowing who he was if you saw him you'd think he escaped from an insane asylum 

chenle and jisung were together, about to pass out from using so much power

it was going bad but it got even worse when jeno got separated from the rest

trapped in a room with one of the bad guys he felt his panic arrise 

‘i dont have time for this,’ he thought, images of his friends struggling flashing in his head

the guy lunged forward and hit jeno with a good blow, blood splattering on the wall

jeno felt his panic be replaced with anger

he was practically shaking from his irritated he was

“i know about you and your team, i know who you really are. you're a bunch of highschool kids, did you really think you could beat us?” the asshole spoke 

jeno stared up at him as he added one “i know you're dating that freaky bitch that goes invisible to distract us.”

the smirk on the guys face made jeno feel disgusted

hearing the words he spoke not only about his friends but you sent him over the edge

you were the guys that saved jeno

“where is that bitch anyway? arent they normally he-” he didn't get to finish his sentence

swords appeared in the air, piercing through the air at rapid speed

the man was stabbed multiple times

he gurgled up his own blood, coughing in pain as he fell onto the floor

“fucking bitch,” he said while clutching his chest in pain

jeno was about to leave when he heard a horrible sound

“je,,,jeno,” a disturbed sweet honey-like voice coughed out 

his stomach dropped and his heart felt heavy 

“y,,,y/n?” he turned around, tears already pouring down his face

your ribs had been broken like twigs, gashes oozed with that desparible red liquid, your mouth was hanging slightly open as more of the liquid steadily poured out

your face began to pale, your eyes already looked lifeless

falling against the wall you slid down, a trail of blood being left behind from where your back was placed

“I just wanted to help,” your voice was barely above a whisper, you sounded so broken

“y/n!!” jeno screamed almost as loud as chenle 

running to you his knee betrayed him and gave out inches form your body

“oh my god,,what have i done,” he involuntarily sobbed, body shaking from screams 

warm tears flowed down his cheeks like a waterfall, leaving behind a wet trail of despair 

“no no no,,oh my god,, JAEMIN!!!!” he screamed for his friend to come save you

if you saw his smile, if you saw Jaemin you would be fine like it never happened

only a few seconds had passed but jeno was screaming out begging for jaemin to hear him and come

getting closer to your body, jeno wrapped his arms around and held you

not caring about the copious amounts of blood covering his clothes

“you'll be okay y/n, jaemin is gonna save you,” he didn't sound sure, it was as if he was convincing himself instead of you

you never spoke or moved, all you did was stare at jeno

rising slowly, you painfully and involuntarily took in more breaths

your lungs, it felt as if they were being ripped apart from the inside, only filling with more blood 

“i,,i just wanted to help,” you barely managed to get out before your breathing stopped entirely and head falling onto jenos shoulder

his mind, blanked of everything 

every thought, every memory, everything was gone

everything except one thing, you

your image burned in his head

the wind was knocked out of him, his while body felt numb, he couldn't breathe

he knew he was breathing but he kept choking 

the tears blurred his vision as they rapidly fell

he felt so hopeless, he,,he killed you

he should've known you were in the room with him, like you'd ever let him get separated from everyone

you always came to the fights as a backup or distraction

“I should've known,” he cried

jaemin,,he wanted to be mad at him, he wanted to scream and hit him, make him suffer the way you did but he couldn't

jaemin was busy, probably exhausted form smiling and using his powers

the door to the room creaked open

jeno assumed it was his friends, if not it was the villains and that meant everyone except him was dead

“oh my god jeno what happened,” renjun spoke, rushing to jenos side

jisung stared with his mouth hung open, wondering how he never knew this would happen, he gripping tightly on chenles arm

chenle let out a ear piercing yelp as he leaned closer to jisung

haechan stared at your lifeless body, rain starting to pour matching his tears

jaemins heart stopped when he saw the damage, knowing that he could've saved you

“y/n,,y/n,” jaemin cried while smiling at you praying that it would work

the tension in the room only grew as each other second past

 each member of the team morning in their own way for their fallen 

y/n l/n the “nameless’ stranger who approached them with wishes to be one of them, y/n l/n the loveable person who lit up jenos dark world more than is friends ever could, y/n l/n the mysterious invisible member of the dream team who just wanted to help

#nct #nct imagines #nct scenairos #nct angst #nct fluff #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #jeno #jeno imagines #jeno scenarios #jeno fluff #jeno angst #the dream team au

[shadedrose01]

My First Kiss

Ship: Parkner (Harley Keener/Peter Parker)

Summary: Peter Parker has his first kiss with Harley Keener

Tags: Febufluff, Day 21, First Kiss, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Accurate Kissing, accurate first kiss, It aint like the movies guys, Sorry to tell ya, Gay Harley Keener, Bisexual Peter Parker, Boys In Love, Established Relationship

Day 21 of Febufluff: "First Kiss"!

A/N: apparently I cant stop writing and take a break even if I want to (even if i should 🙃), so have two fics in one day oops okay bye love y'all

--

'wait you've never kissed someone before? like ever?!?'

'No?? Is that a problem? :/'

'no no of course not! im just surprised, that's all'

'Why are you surprised?? You know I havent had a partner before'

'yeah yeah I know but like'

'you're gorgeous pete. like, perfect. who wouldn't want to kiss you?'

Peter chuckles lightly, glancing around him as he does, finding his teacher still at the front of the class, still teaching, still not focusing on him. Good. He looks back down, typing out his response quickly, knowing he could get caught at any minute.

'Awww, you're so sweet'

Its first period on a boring tuesday morning, advanced math, pre-calculus, and Peter is bored. He did this math last year with Mr. Stark, when he got bored during the summer and they couldn't think of anything better to do than to do math problems. Hell, he had some actual calculus that day, not this pre shit. But he cant just skip a course, no matter how much he longed to, no matter how absolutely boring these classes were, the teacher droning on and on about things Mr. Stark taught him in ten minutes or less.

Luckily, he has his boyfriend to keep him entertained.

'im just telling the truth, sugar ;)'

And to flatter him, apparently, Peter's face burning, his cheeks aching as he smiles wide, his chest filling with warmth.

Him and Harley were new, to say the least, but they had always been more than friends. Even on the day that they met, two months ago, Harley had flirted with him immediately, and Peter had flirted back, much to Tony's fake disgust (and very real amusement, though he'd never admit it). So when Peter had finally taken the extra step a few weeks ago, and stopped beating around the bush to ask Harley out, and they started actually dating, not much has changed. Not that Peter minds it, he actually quite enjoys it. They didnt change themselves once the 'boyfriend' label was stuck to their backs, they're still the goofy, teasing, flirting pair they were before it all, and Peter adores it.

The only thing that had changed was them getting closer, and stronger as a pair, which was never a bad thing. Peter trusts Harley more than he trusts anyone else (minus May, he doesnt think anyone could beat May), and he really likes him and-

And he really, really wants Harley Keener to be his first kiss.

Peter bites his lip, scanning the room once more before he types out his message, sending it before he can overthink it, his leg bouncing anxiously.

'Do you want to?'

The typing bubble pops up immediately, even though Harley is in class as well and should also be paying attention. But Harleys like him in that sense, a little too smart for their own goods, so he guesses that they're in the same boat. The message shoots through, and Peter reads it quickly.

'kiss you?'

'Yeah'

Typing again, but this time, the bubble disappears and reappears multiple times, as if Harley is typing and stopping, typing and erasing, trying to think out his words. The action only makes Peter more anxious, more nervous, his hands automatically pushing up to his face, rubbing against his cheek as he picks and chews on his nails, a terrible, awful habit he needs to learn how to break.

The new message appears, and Peter's heart stops.

'yeah i do'

'but we don't have to until you're ready darling'

'I want to.'

'are you sure?'

'Im positive.'

It takes a few seconds extra for the next message to send, as if Harley needs a moment to catch his breath too.

'okay, meet me under the stair case at recess, at the far end of the hall'

Peter places his phone face down on his desk, tapping his pencil and bouncing his leg as excitment and nerves swirl in his stomach, in his chest, internally screaming, because holy shit he's going to kiss Harley Keener, he's going go kiss his boyfriend holy shit-

He sends back a quick okay before trying to focus back in on the lesson (but mostly paying attention to the clock in the corner of the room), a wide grin on his face for the rest of the period.

Once the bell finally finally rings, Peter races out of his chair, rushing to his locker and dumbing all of his materials into it before closing it and making his way to the stated destination, his heart racing and his hands beginning to sweat.

When he turns the corner of the staircase, Harley is already there, leaning against the wall and looking way too good to be fair, also looking just as nervous and excited as Peter feels. He stands up straight when Peter approaches, his face softening from its nervous furrow into a gentle look that melts Peter from the inside out. "Hey baby, good morning."

"Morning." He whispers, stopping once hes stood right in front of Harley, closer than any friends would be but still  enough distance between them for personal space.

Theres a awkward pause for a few moments, before Harleys speaks up again, his blueish gray eyes going serious, intense as he states, "You sure about this? We can still wait, Pete, I won't judge ya-"

"I know," Peter cuts in, laughing gently, smiling at his obviously anxious boyfriend. "I want this. I want it to be you."

Harley freezes, before he tilts his head up, looking up at the ceiling and then away, blinking rapidly, his cheeks flushing a pretty pink as a wide grin grows on his face, a look of awe shining through. "Okay, okay, cool cool, okay." He looks back to Peter, eyes still glistening slightly, but churning with so many strong, warm emotions that it makes Peter's head spin. "If you're sure."

He steps forward, then, pressing into Peter's personal space, a welcome presence even as it causes Peter's nerves shoot through the roof, his breath warm and heavy on Peter's mouth. "I'm sure." Peter breathes back, even as his mind starts screaming at him, because what if he doesnt do it right, what if he messes it up, what if hes a bad kisser, and Harley doesn't like it, or what if-

Harley leans in, soft lips are pressed to his, and suddenly everything is quiet. Everything that was so loud, blazingly, screamingly loud is so so so quiet, almost a whisper as Harley's lips, a little wetter and chappier than Peter expected, moves against his, once, twice. Peter tries to follow, he does, grasping onto Harleys upper arms to gain some semblance of balance as he messes up the rhythm, as their noses bump against each other awkwardly, as he feels Harley's nose scrunch up immediately afterwards, feels him laugh against his mouth as he pulls away.

Peter body flares, embarassment and shame flooding through his body as he thinks he messed it up, ruined the kiss, berating himself for not being good, when Harley speaks up again, shocking Peter out of his thoughts.

"For a first kiss, that actually wasn't that bad."

Peter gapes at him, eyes wide. "R-really? But I thought-" He cuts himself off, but Harley seems to get the hint, chuckling again.

"You should've seen my first kiss." He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "5th grade, a girl named Susie. She had braces, we kissed with tongue because we didnt know what we were doing. Mouth full of metal." He shutters, and Peter laughs lightly, airy, feeling a bit better and less like a failure of a boyfriend.

"Ew, that sounds awful."

"It was." Harley agrees, grinning dopily. "Ain't much like the movies, is it?"

Peter shakes his head firmly, laughing wholeheartedly now, smiling wide as Harley joins in. No, definitely not like the movies. He hadnt felt any butterflies, or sparks, or anything else they had said he would. He had just felt lips, and wetness. He doesnt know why he expected anything more.

"But, the good thing about it," Harley continues once they calm down, cocking his head to the side with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Is that you get better with practice."

He wiggles his eyebrows, making his point known, and Peter snorts, before sighing in faux annoyance. "Guess we'll just have to keep at it, huh?"

He doesnt even give Harley time to respond, leaning back in and kissing the words off of his lips.

Yeah, he thinks he could get used to this.

#i cant control myself #send help #febufluff #Febufluff #day 21 #first kiss #parkner #parley #spiderlad #harley keener/peter parker #harley keener #peter parker #kissing #accurate kissing #fluff #love #fanfiction #marvel #mcu #marvel fanfiction

[taule]

Maul, part I: Broken Boys - early life trauma, survival & Ben Solo parallels

This is going to be an evolving meta that will be posted in a series of installments as I make my way through the various sources piecing the picture together and also attempt to tackle the various themes that pull at my heartstrings. I haven’t attempted to write anything in quite this way before, so there will be inevitable cross-referencing happening and it’s likely that I will come back to certain things later on.

There is something that stood out to me right away, as I started reading The Wrath of Darth Maul, and those are Ben Solo parallels. That doesn’t mean that I equate them in any way, but it does point to certain circumstantial factors that shaped their lives and I believe that what we know about them individually can inform us about the other. 

In both of them we see the effects of what it means to be a victim of the Dark side. The destruction of an innocent, impressionable mind being subjected to unimaginable, systematic cruelty with no protection and no hope of escape. Being taught that everything happening to them is their own doing, and a just punishment. They are the Lost Boys. Both their lives could have been very different and neither went down a path they laid for themselves through choice. And in Maul, especially, the connection to the Dark side is not an inherent one, and was about his environment and matter of birth, more so than something he manifested independently, in contrast to what we know of Ben, whose internal conflict had been apparent from the beginning. 

My interest and inspiration here is to look at how the loss, trauma, deprivation, enduring compassion and capacity for love come together and fit into place in the making of this man. I don’t plan to descend into proper psychoanalysis, but to try and open Maul’s path and mind through some of what we know about Ben, who has been presented as a much more sympathetic character. In fact, hardly as a villain at all. And although I already said that I don’t equate them, I hope to show that the patterns and psychology of it is very similar, even if circumstances differ.

A major difference between Maul and Ben though, is the age at which they began their training, and the fact that Maul was trained to use the Force as a darksider from the start. But the way that the Dark side methods and cruelty in his training contrast with his curious and accepting nature shows that while Darth Sidious took him for his strength in the Force, the same way that Snoke singled out Ben, the darkness wasn’t inherently dominating over the potential for Light in either of them. The question of age definitely plays into this matter, because Ben started training unusually late, and Maul on the other hand very early, and so he wasn’t old enough to have yet started manifesting the imbalance or struggle between Light and Dark the way Ben did.

Unfortunately a lot of the material that has provided information on Maul’s early life has been pushed to the Legends with the Disney acquisition. Which is a shame. Because that material was a source for a lot of insight. I’m not going to shy away from using it as a source here though, because it still shows the original intention in his depiction. And there is very little material that has come later that has overwritten any of what came before. It has mostly just left a hole.

But there are some inconsistencies that derive from the rebranding and restructuring because of later-established sources that no longer had to be consistent with published material. To me, one of the most important ones is the circumstance of his birth. 

The earlier information ( Darth Plagueis, 2012 ) reveals that Maul was born on Iridonia, as one of two male twins to Kycina, a human Nightsister mother from Talzin’s clan, and a Dathomirian Zabrak father that by Dathomirian tradition was killed soon after she became pregnant. Kycina was desperate to find a way to give at least one of her sons a life of freedom. Thinking Talzin was only aware of one of her twins, she offered Maul to Sidious to take as an apprentice, hoping that this would at least give her son a chance of a life free of the fate that awaited him on Dathomir.

The later version goes into no such detail of the circumstance of his birth that I have been able to discern, and it is merely established that Talzin was mother to all three boys (including Savage). And that Sidious had formed an alliance with Talzin, having promised to take her as his apprentice in return for her knowledge. It is when Sidious met Maul and sensed his strength in the Force that he not only broke his promise to Talzin, but also kidnapped her “son”. 

Personally, I remain loyal to the original version. Not only does it answer more questions, but I believe that it offers us valuable insight. I’m sure it was no small amount of consideration that went into giving such an iconic character a backstory. And for it to be imagined in this way tells us quite a bit about how the creators wanted him to be perceived, at least by those who would seek that understanding.

Not to mention the fact that there is no plausible child-parent relationship depicted between Maul and Talzin. And to insist that he’s her son would also mean to accept that this mother did nothing to aid this son of hers who was withering away on Lotho Minor... not before it became convenient and useful for her at least.

And as it is a certain development that Im trying to observe here, chronology is relevant to it. So in the following I’m going to look at the backstory that The Wrath of Darth Maul paints us, starting from his early years in captivity on Mustafar. 

Maul was only 3 or even two at the time, considering that he has already been on Mustafar for a while by the time the book starts. Page 1 of chapter I describes where, and importantly how he is being kept. In a small, featureless room, made of metal. With a single polarized viewport overlooking a river of lava leading to a sea of fire. He was completely isolated and left without any meaningful social interaction. A single droid looked after him, simultaneously serving the functions of his caretaker, teacher and punisher. The very second page in chapter I establishes how little Maul wishes he could escape this place.

He was left in complete emotional and social deprivation. Fed bits of raw meat through a slot in the door that remained shut. Then, forced to exercise until point of collapse. Let’snot forget that this is a toddler that we are talking about. Windham repeatedly emphasizes how small he is. For example, how his feet “only extend a few centimeters over the edge of a seat”.

We are introduced to the circumstance through a frightened child’s eyes. Trying to figure out how to behave in the right way that does not grant punishment. He is being actively conditioned in the most awful, cruel ways. Something that has been (with less written evidence) noted about Ben and the way in which it shaped his thinking for years to come, leaving behind marks that he may never entirely recover from.

“Maul hated the Man even more than he hated the droid. The Man frightened him.”

The book doesn’t describe the first few times that Maul met Sidious, but only that his fear of him was greater than that he felt for the droid that routinely hurt him. 

“Usually, the droid brought pain. Once, the droid had delivered a bright green and yellow snake that wasted no time in attacking Maul, sinking its venomous fangs deep into the boy’s arm.”

“One of the first things he learned was not to cry. Crying never made anything better. Crying only made things worse.”

So these two quotes above should give an adequate idea about what his early childhood boiled down to. Not that we can really call this a childhood. Mind you, this is only from the first pages of chapter one so far, and his training, which is in reality conditioning, only became crueler as he grew. The objective was quite clearly to break him down completely, so he could be put back together in ways that served the abuser’s intended purpose. But there’s nothing vague about all the abuse he’s been described to go through. I wont be including the most graphic depictions of abuse here, but let me tell you it wasn’t easy to read.

I feel it’s been somewhat acknowledged that Maul has a backstory, and that there’s certain tragedy to it. But I’m just not sure in what depth it’s been looked at. And there’s the inevitable difference between how the origin story of the hero vs the villain is looked upon. Regardless of whether the dichotomy is really carved into stone in such a way, as long as it is perceived, it is also applied. 

That also extends to the sympathy with which their lives are viewed. I think we have an interesting case in Ben, because people obviously can’t agree on it. We’ve been sent mixed signals, and we can see how that has changed our perception of his becoming, and our willingness to see him as a victim. Because on one hand there’s the way that he has been initially presented as a villain (even though not explicitly defining him that way) and then there’s his ever-expanding backstory that explains how things ended up that way. And it’s the how that has the power to change... everything. Because it has the power to bring understanding which in turn inspires sympathy, that enables a shift in responsibility. Which can change how we view something to the very core.

“More than ever, Maul wished he were the free-floating boy who appeared to exist beyond the window in his own room. He tried very hard not to tremble as he slowly turned and looked up to face the Man.”

His wish to escape has been mentioned multiple times. And it’s more than about setting the tone, the feeling. It’s confirming over and over that this child didn’t choose this path or fate. Depending on whether we follow the original or the later version, he was either given up by his mother in hopes that this would be better than what awaited on Dathomir, or he was kidnapped. In either case, not there by any choice of his own.

“But he survived.”

And I think this is quite clearly establishes that it’s mightily unfair to talk about choices here. What we’re talking about is survival. Once it becomes about survival, it’s what reframes everything else involved, because we’ve stopped talking about choices. I guess what I’m arguing here is that if we can agree that Ben Solo was a victim of the Dark side, of abuse, conditioning and manipulation, Maul most definitely is. Not only were his circumstances likely far more severe, but he had not known a life outside of it. He had no point of reference for what the alternative could even be and no moral framework outside of avoiding cruel punishment. 

#Maul

[starlight-parkers]

Hope (Peter Parker x Reader)

*gif not mine, credit goes to dailymarvelheroes*

Summary: Despite the pain you’ve been through, Peter won’t give up hope. It’s not in his vocabulary. 

Author’s note(s): This was a request from @help-im-a-fan-girl! I feel like I haven’t written in a while, even though I wrote everyday for 25 days lol >.< hope you enjoy x

Warning(s): Angst, Mentions of death, Blood(?)

Being sixteen and on a battlefield is something you’d hope isn’t accepted on society anymore, you’d hope children wouldn’t lie about their age so they could fight for their countries but never return home. You’d hope that humans would learn from their mistakes and stop this from happening. You’d hope.

Because when you’re sixteen, most people would expect you to sleep until noon on a Sunday, or complain about the tonnes and tonnes of math homework you’d gotten from that stupid teacher who can’t even control the class or they’d expect you to be a wild one, attending parties and staying out late, coming home at ungodly hours of the morning. That’s what most people would expect, normal teenagers with normal lives, their only associations with war being what they’d heard on the news.

Except for Peter, it had been different. He was destined for more it seemed, after being bitten by that spider, the teenager knew he’d never be the same. That’s how he found himself in the middle of a war zone, aliens zooming above his head with the occasional one falling from the amber, flame kissed abyss of the sky. His brown hues shoot to the left as the Iron Man zips past him, shooting at the perpetrators who’re trying to invade earth and get their hands on the infinity stones.

Like I said before, you’d hope that a teenager would never find themselves in the middle of a battlefield, but here Peter was. Fighting for the lives of not only his loved ones, but the normal people back on earth who deserved to live their lives. He’s scared shitless, that’s for certain and even when he’s watching one of Thanos’ minions die before him, your presence behind the boy, is enough to calm him.

“You okay Peter?” You ask through the coms of your suit. Peter looks to you, through the lenses of his iron spider suit. He loves you, his girlfriend, and he knew you wouldn’t just stay home and let this blow over. You were destined for greatness too. When you were born, you had inherited a gene that allowed you to control dark matter, it was Tony who had found you around the same time as Peter and it was Tony who’d brought you both together.

Peter allowed himself to look over your dark black and purple suit. It’s a skintight, adaptable metal suit, much like Tony’s except the visor allows Peter to see your face. Your hands are free, allowing you to use your powers freely and Your hair is matter against your sweaty (skin tone) skin and your cheeks are flushed from where you’ve exerted so much to take down some aliens. The suit prevented your powers being overused, they were much like a nuclear core, unstable. With too much energy, especially in space, you would combust. Die. “I just want to make it out of this” the words slip past Peter’s lips before he can stop them, and in the midst of the chaos that is the Infinity War, you move to your boyfriend, griping his helmet and looking into his lenses as you press your foreheads together.

“We will” you whisper to him, causing him to nod as you push yourself away from your boyfriend. “Get back to work Spiderboy”

He smiles, feeling motivated again as he works hard to defeat the aliens, working side by side with his mentor, Tony Stark. Things seem to be looking up, well, as much as they can during the masses of death and blood. The Avengers are pushing back, forcing their alien enemies away from their beloved earth.

But then, a scream through the coms momentarily throws them off of track, and multiple heads snap in one direction.Your direction. Peter’s blood runs cold as his eyes meet your struggling form, trapped between a crowd of those god-awful aliens and a hard rock. He can hear you squealing, whimpering and crying through his coms as the aliens tear at your suit, breaking it apart and your boyfriend can tell you’re trying your hardest to fend them off.

He knows that you’re using all your power but combined with the weakness of your metal suit, there’s a chance that your senses will go into overdrive and that you’ll  die. Before he can stop himself, the spider-like boy is moving towards you at top speeds as your screams turn to helpless sobs. He hates himself for not watching out for you, for protecting you and he wishes that he fought harder to have you stay on earth because even though you’re not a normal teen, you’re Peter’s normal. You keep him grounded, and if he loses you the he’ll lose himself.

It’s as if time slows down when he finally reaches you, he’s close enough to see your face clearly, but not close enough to fight off those aliens. Your once, painless, soft (skin tone) features are now contorted into a tight, hurt expression as a purple light ignites in your chest, slicing through all the aliens attacking you. Peter, along with several avengers like Stephen, Thor, Peter Quill and the other guardians are knocked back by the sheer force of your powers combusting.

And fuck, he knows, he knows he’s too late.

Peter chokes back a sob as he lunges towards the spot you were once trapped in, watching as you fall lifelessly to the floor. Your vitals flash across Peter’s screen as he yells at Karen to find ways to bring you back. Heart failure. You’re dead.

Tony forces Peter down as he screams, cries and kicks. Your name, coming out as a pain-filled moan from between his chapped lips. The air in his helmet become thick, heavy and suddenly he can’t breathe, everything is too much and then everything turns to black.

Back on earth, when the war is over, things are hard. Incredibly hard. Many were lost in the battle, your life included and it pains Peter, to the point where he breaks completely. He can’t eat, sleep or fuck, even breathe without thinking of you in your final moments. All the colour in the world that you brought it him has faded to grey, and he’s hopeless.

Except, he’s given just a glimmer when Tony shows up at his apartment complex one day, with news that you didn’t die and that some way, somehow, Tony was able to save you.

When he sees you, in one of the hospital wards in Tony’s compound, his heart breaks. You’re pale and your hair has thinned and you’re covered in burn marks from where your own heart combusted. There’s a large scar just peaking out of your hospital gown that seems to have come from your chest. “Wh-what is that?” The young superhero chokes out to his mentor.

Tony sighs, looking over at your sleeping form. “When we took-“ he coughs, the words catching in his throat. “The bodies back to earth, we were able to detect a glimmer of a heartbeat in (Y/N)’s vitals, it was extremely weak and I spoke with Dr Strange who said we had a 50:50 chance of saving her with some of my technology.”

Tony stops as Peter’s tired brown eyes flicker over to the steady heart monitor that connects to your bed. “We, essentially, replaced her heart” Tony continues. “Gave her a mini reactor, like my previous ones, to keep the remains of her heart together and she survived.”

“So” Peter let out, the words coming out as hoarse from where his throat was dry and sore from his crying. “She’ll live?”

Tony nods simply, taking the boy by his hand. “She will, we obviously had to inform her parents of the truth and she will need rehab.” The older adds, looking at the girl who lays stiffly in bed. “The blast damaged a few of her nerve endings, we were able to reconnect some but Strange insists that he give her rehab”

The next few months are tougher than Peter imagined, you’re so fragile and broken and he’s so scared to touch you. Everything hurts, your muscles are weak and even the slightest whimper from your lips makes even Peter want to cry. He stays strong for you, through the rest of your surgeries and helps you when you struggle with Strange’s rehab practices.

Some times, Peter has to come to your ward in the early hours of the morning, from where you’ve been thrashing about and screaming in your sleep, your own death replaying before your eyes. “P-peter” you sob out one night as he pulls you into a protective hold. “I-can’t do this anymore, wh-what if thanos comes back and-?”

You cut yourself off as a hysterical sob wracks your body and your boyfriend pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to your hair. “Don’t say that, I’m here now baby, I promise I’ll protect you better this time. That fucker won’t touch you again I swear.”

And you sigh, rubbing your tear streaked face into his jumper as he gently rocks you back and forth. “We’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. I love you” he whispers, as your sobs quieten down and he can feel you relax in his arms as he tries to coax you back into the confines of sleep.

You exhale through your nose, soft (eye colour) hues drifting shut. “We’re gonna be okay” you repeat, slipping back into slumber. “N’ I love you too”

Peter smiles, a glint of hope lighting up in his chest. He hopes that you can get better, and that you can overcome this together. It may be days, weeks, months or years before this happens but he promises to stay by your side and protect you until then.

#peter parker #peterparker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker imagine #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #peter parker au #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fic #peter parker tom holland #tom holland #tomholland #tom holland peter parker #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland au #tom holland smut #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland fandom #tom holland fans #tom holland spiderman #spiderman tom holland #spiderman peter parker #peter parker spiderman #spiderman

[danfanciesphil]

L’Histoire Française (New Chapter)

Teacher AU (Part 8)

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Part Three)

(Part Four)

(Part Five)

(Part Six)

(Part Seven)

(Now Available on Ao3!)

Following the small incident with the French girl, Dan makes the decision to walk with a group of students on the way back to the hostel from Châtelet, letting John take  position at the front of the pack beside Phil, for once. 

“Did you and Mr Lester have a fight, sir?” Savannah asks, giggling. 

Dan chokes out what he hopes is a dismissive laugh, not sure how best to professionally respond. “N-no, of course not.”

“So why are you walking with us?” Lydia asks him, one perfectly shaped eyebrow raised. 

“I thought we were overdue a bonding session,” Dan jokes in a vain attempt to deflect their incessant questions. It doesn’t work. 

Lydia scoffs, rolling her eyes, and tugs on Savannah’s hand, leading her away. 

Dan shoves his hands into his pockets, trying to appear nonchalant, and walks the rest of the way on his own. 

*

“Hey, I’m sorry about earlier,” Phil says, making Dan look up from his phone. 

He’s been neglecting it for the past few days, and now he’s taking the opportunity of this short period of time between activities to scroll through his many notifications. Three texts from Tyler, one from Teddy, multiple Facebook notifications, and a missed call from his mum. 

Instead of replying to any of them, Dan locks his phone, and turns to Phil. 

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Dan says, smiling. 

Phil smiles back, but he looks a little sheepish. “I lost my cool with that girl. I don’t get annoyed very often, but that was...” he frowns, and Dan stares at the unusual downturn of his mouth. “...difficult.”

“It’s fine,” Dan says, shrugging. 

He can feel the itch of curiosity simmering beneath his skin. As much as he knows it’s probably best to remain in the dark about whatever that girl had said, he can’t help but wonder. He suppresses the urge to ask Phil about it, reminding himself that if her words had been awful enough to prompt an angry response out of Phil Lester - the most easygoing, lovely, ray of sunshine the world has ever known - then Dan can be pretty sure he doesn’t need to hear them in English. 

“Can we just... forget that happened?” Phil asks, looking hopeful. 

His blue eyes shine, wide and round; Dan wonders how anyone could possibly ever refuse him. 

“Of course! Already forgotten.”

Phil smiles in relief, his shoulders drooping. “Cool, thanks. I’m gonna go tell the kids to get ready to eat.” 

“Another early dinner?” Dan asks.

“Yeah,” Phil replies, fluttering a wink at him. “Gotta leave for the surprise at seven.”

“Surprise?” Dan asks, but Phil is already slipping out of the door. 

*

Tyler Updates on le beefcake???

Tyler Daniel!! Have u snogged the  frenchie yet?!

Tyler If u return to England without at least one tale of debauchery im not letting you back in the house.

Dan lets out a breathy laugh behind his hand. 

Dan thts fine im 99% sure im gonna spontaneously combust before i get home anyway.  we’re sharing a room 😫

He sighs, glancing over at the unoccupied bed beside his; his heart pangs as he considers the fact that he’ll have yet another night of trying and failing to succumb to unconsciousness beside Phil, right here, this very evening. 

He scrolls down his messages to find Teddy’s, which are likely to be a little less excruciating in nature. 

Teddy Found any Parisian macarons yet?

Dan phil forced me to try one :’) they’re not bad.

Teddy hot. pls bring some home <3

Dan tell ur menace of a bf to stop texting me inappropriate things and we’ll see.

Tyler do you think i don’t see what you two text each other?? 

Giving up on the two of them, Dan pockets his phone again, feeling it buzzing in his pocket with more texts already. He remembers that his mum phoned, but he resolves to call her tomorrow. Right now, he’s too on edge for whatever this evening’s ‘surprise’ might be. 

As if summoned by this very thought, the door opens, and Phil steps back in, still seeming a little chagrinned. 

“Ready for dinner?” 

“Cardboard pizza and raw jacket potatoes?” Dan asks, standing from the bed. “Born ready.”

*

As Dan is nibbling the crust of his second slice of terrible pizza, Phil picks up his fork and makes a show of clinking it against the side of his plastic glass. Obviously, it doesn’t make a particularly loud noise, so he couples it a “ding, ding, ding!”  

Dan stares at him amusedly, the overly crunchy pizza clawing at his throat as he attempts to swallow it. He washes it down with a gulp of Coca-Cola Light, wincing. 

“Attention, folks,” Phil calls out to the students sat around the table. He stands from his chair, holding his glass up like he’s giving a toast. “I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you all how lovely it’s been having you with me on this trip. Thank you for putting up with my geeking out about this wonderful city. I know you’re all far too cool for me, so I appreciate it.” 

“Aw, give over, sir,” Jonah calls out, making several others laugh. “You ain’t that bad.”

“Yeah, we’ve had a well great time, Mr Lester!” Joanna shouts, grinning. 

“We love your geekiness, sir, don’t worry!” 

“Some of us more than others, maybe,” Jonah adds, aiming a wink at Dan that he pretends not to see. 

“Aw, well thank you very much, guys!” Phil says, appearing genuinely touched by these comments. “I hope you’ve all managed to learn something too, even if it’s just how to order a croissant from a boulangerie.” 

“I’m sure it’s been a very informative trip, and that we’ve all learned a great deal, right class?” John asks, earning himself a unanimous “ye-es, sir”. 

John smiles broadly, raising his glass to Phil’s. “How about a word of thanks to our lovely French-speaking tour guide then, everyone?” 

The class send up a hearty cheer for Phil, clapping their hands and calling their thanks out loud. Dan joins in, possibly a tad more enthusiastic than could be considered appropriate, but it doesn’t really matter. 

Phil laughs and bats his hands in the air, blushing. It’s adorable. 

Once the uproar quietens, a rosy-cheeked Phil straightens up once again, addressing the group. “Right, well, as a treat for our last night, I’ve booked us all a special surprise!” He announces, grinning. The class gasp and chatter excitedly, their hands clutching at one another. “For our final evening activity, we’re all booked onto a river cruise along the Seine! I’ve hired us a boat for the night, which will be sailing us down the river for a couple of hours. There’ll be drinks and snacks available from the bar, and music playing in case you fancy a dance. So after you’ve finished eating, run upstairs and get your frocks on, then we’ll head down to the docks.” 

The class cheer animatedly, whooping and clapping. Phil grins at them all, lifting his glass in acknowledgement, and then sits back down. 

Dan stares at him in awe. “A river cruise?”

“Don’t tell me you get seasick, Dan.” 

“No, it’s just...” Dan trails off, completely mesmerised by his own thoughts of the evening ahead. Gliding along the beautiful Parisian river in the darkness, Phil at his side. 

He gulps down some Coke, trying to comprehend it.

“A bit romantic?” Phil supplies, finishing Dan’s sentence for him. “How else am I supposed to woo you, Dan? Time’s running out.”

*

“I didn’t bring anything nice to wear,” Dan complains as he drags a third meme t-shirt out of his case and discards it onto the ‘nope’ pile on his bed. “You didn’t tell me we’d be dressing up.” 

Phil laughs at him from over the top of his phone screen. “It’s not a nineteenth century ball, Dan,” he says, “you don’t need to wear anything fancy if you don’t want. I just said that because the kids like to have an excuse to glam up. Like a school disco.”

Dan frowns at him, eyes roving over his outfit. Phil has already changed in the bathroom, and he looks ravishing. He’s wearing a dark blue and black checkered shirt, buttoned up to the collar. The contrast of the colours make his eyes and onyx hair pop; it’s taking a lot out of Dan to remain collected in his presence.

He sighs in frustration as he drinks in this delicious man once again, and tries not to despair as he looks down at his discarded pile of unsuitable clothing. Why is he even bothering to attempt looking nice? In comparison to Phil Lester he’s going to look like a gangly child anyway, 

Noticing Dan’s look of dismay, Phil stands up and walks to his side. It really doesn’t help Dan to calm down at all, having Phil looking this good, this close. 

“Hey, you can borrow a shirt if you want,” Phil offers, shrugging as he places a hand on Dan’s shoulder. 

Trying his utmost not to squeak at the unexpected touch, Dan latches onto Phil’s words. “Really?”

“Yeah, of course,” Phil replies, gesturing to his own case. “Have a rifle through.”

“You’re a godsend, Lester,” Dan mutters, feeling Phil’s hand slip from his shoulder as he crosses to Phil’s bed and begins pawing through his open suitcase. He shoots Phil a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

Phil chuckles, shrugging again like it’s nothing. “Not a problem. Kind of goes against my end goal to actively clothe you, but hey ho.”

This sort of remark from Phil should come as no surprise at this point, but Dan still feels like the floor has been swept out from beneath his feet. He lets out a mildly hysterical sounding bubble of laughter, and turns his blushing gaze into Phil’s assorted shirt pile, trying to focus on the patterns.

“Anyway, I’m just gonna go and see John about the details of the boat,” Phil says, moving towards the door. “He was supposed to phone and check it was all still okay, but I forgot he can’t speak a word of French, so I imagine he might need some help.” 

Dan forces another laugh, this one sounding a touch more normal, and just nods at him in place of actual words. Phil gives a small wave, then disappears out of the door. 

Without dwelling too much on his choice, Dan selects a dark shirt from Phil’s case, grabs his towel, and runs in the direction of the bathroom for a quick shower. 

A cold one. 

*

By the time Dan has showered, dried and straightened his hair, dressed himself, and grabbed his wallet and phone, it’s almost time to leave. Phil left the room to round everyone up as Dan was still in the straightening stage, so at 6:55pm, he’s jogging down the hostel corridor to meet everyone else already gathered in the lobby. 

“Finally,” Jonah calls out, spotting Dan as he emerges, “what the heck were you doin’, sir? Strappin’ on your lingerie for later?” 

“Jonah Frank, that is not appropriate,” John snaps, glaring at the teen. 

VP Green looks rather polished this evening, Dan can’t help but notice, swiftly taking in his dark slacks and tan blazer. Phil spins on his heel then, mouth slightly parted as though he’s about to make his own comment on Dan’s late appearance, but he pauses, mouth remaining open as he sees Dan for the first time. 

Dan’s initial thought is, of course, that he’s done something stupid and embarrassing like come down without his trousers on, or with shampoo still clumped in his hair. 

He looks down at his outfit, checking, and cards his fingers through his carefully straightened locks. The weight of Phil’s gaze rests heavily on him, lingering, but he can’t figure out why. 

He raises an eyebrow as if to say ‘what’s up?’, but Phil abruptly turns from him, a strange expression on his face. 

Weird, Dan thinks, feeling far less confident in his appearance than he had when he cast a final look in the mirror a few minutes ago. 

“Right, everyone here?” Phil asks the general mob, and the students murmur a vague affirmation. “Well, if anyone’s left behind, can someone please text them now, because we’re leaving.” 

Dan pulls his (faux) leather jacket tighter around himself, comforted by the way the familiar material has shaped itself to his frame over the years. Phil’s shirt feels taut and starchy against his skin, but he likes the idea of wearing something of Phil’s, so he’s putting up with it. 

John falls into step with him as they set off out of the hostel entrance, surveying Dan with something like surprise. 

“You certainly scrub up well, don’t you!” John exclaims, patting Dan on the back. “Who’d have thought it?”

Dan laughs nervously, a little confused by this statement. He’s only wearing a shirt and skinny jeans. Sure, he spent a little extra time preening himself tonight, but it’s hardly a groundbreaking change, surely. 

“Not so bad yourself, VP Green,” Dan replies politely, to which John barks a laugh. 

“Too kind, but I rather think my days of catching anyone’s eye are behind me, Dan,” he says with a sigh. “The dark circles tend to send them running, nowadays.”

Matthew begins shoving Jonah in the side then, angry about some unknown disagreement, and John steps forwards to intervene, leaving Dan alone again. 

Not particularly wanting to be caught up in another unsettling conversation about his over-fondness for these kids’ teacher again, Dan walks swiftly to the front of the pack in order to walk with Phil. 

“Getting a bit rowdy back there,” Dan comments, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. “Might have someone overboard tonight if we’re not careful.” 

Phil is staring at him again; he barely seems to be aware of what Dan is saying, which is bizarre. Usually Phil is such an attentive listener. 

“That shirt really suits you,” Phil says after a moment, which sends all the blood rushing into Dan’s head. His head swims a little. 

“Oh, th-thanks,” he manages, eyes falling towards his shoes. “Guess whoever bought it must have really good taste.”

Phil smiles, but it’s faint. His azure eyes track across Dan’s torso, searing a trail of fire into Dan’s flesh as they go. 

His tongue flicks out across his bottom lip; Dan almost walks straight into a lamppost, he’s so distracted by it. 

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Phil says.

*

It occurs to Dan only as he is stood on the wooden deck of a lightly rocking boat, gliding over the inky waters of the Seine, that he has never been on a river cruise before now. Once, during his Freshers Week at university, he’d attended a boat party, but as far as he remembers (that night had been a particularly messy one) that boat had never actually left the dock. 

They’ve been going along for around an hour, and Dan can’t seem to move away from the edge of the boat, mesmerised by the sight of Paris sliding by, a twinkling blur of golden light and colour, beautiful and dazzling. 

“So, has Paris captured your heart?” Phil asks, stood beside him, his fringe fluttering upwards in the cool breeze. 

A fist closes itself around Dan’s heart as he drinks in the sight of such a perfect, sweet smile, directed, bafflingly, towards him. 

“Something like that.” 

“‘He who contemplates the depths of Paris is seized with vertigo. Nothing is more fantastic. Nothing is more tragic. Nothing is more sublime’,” Phil says, his voice taking on a theatrical tone. “Victor Hugo said that.” 

“Victor Hugo?” Dan asks, smiling fondly.

“He wrote Les Misérables,” Phil says, “and The Hunchback of Notre Dame.” 

“Hm,” Dan says, nodding. “I reckon he was onto something. Paris is definitely... overwhelming.”

The way Phil is smiling at him is starting to make Dan want to squirm. He does not feel deserving of such warm attention, especially from someone so amazing. 

“Overwhelming in a good way?” 

Dan stares into the endless chambers of Phil’s glowing blue eyes, watching the lights of the city glimmer in their depths. “Overwhelming in a wonderful way.”

There’s a pause then, their eyes sticking to one another like they’ve been frozen in position, the narrow tunnels of their gazes fused. Light hubbub echoes in the background, of the students milling around the deck, alongside the soft lapping of the water against the side of the boat. 

Eventually, Dan gathers himself, clearing his throat as he turns back to the sight of the illuminated buildings at the water’s edge. They pass under a bridge, lit up and gorgeous; dark, softened shadows caress Phil’s profile, sweeping across his porcelain skin, as though they can see how beautiful it is. As if they want to touch it for themselves. 

“Beautiful,” Dan whispers without thinking. He starts, scrambling for words. “I mean, this is beautiful. The boat, the river... You’re good at surprises.” 

“Thanks,” Phil says happily. “I love surprises.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Phil says, looking at him. “Can’t you tell?”

Dan frowns, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you were a surprise,” Phil says, like it’s obvious. “You might be the best one I’ve ever had.” 

He’s never going to be used to the flirting, Dan thinks as his muscles seize up, his breath catching in his throat. Something about this time felt a little different though, Dan can’t help thinking. This time felt softer, truer. 

He shakes his head free of the absurd thought before he runs away with it. 

There’s no point entertaining the thought that Phil is doing anything other than being a flirtatious little minx, as always, just for the hell of it. 

Phil chuckles at him then, probably in response to seeing how hard Dan is concentrating. Then, he leans in, bringing his mouth to Dan’s ear.

“What would you say if I asked you to do something irresponsible with me?” 

There is no response available in Dan’s brain, short-circuited as it is by that illegal-tackle of a question, so he just gapes at Phil blankly, trying to process it. 

Phil laughs again, then grabs Dan by the forearm and drags him away from the edge, towards the cabin of the boat. 

* 

As it turns out, ‘something irresponsible’ turns out to be drinking. 

The bar on this boat is supposed to only serve soft drinks this evening, under Phil’s express instruction, but after five minutes of Phil’s charming grins and witty repartee, the bartender agrees to make an exception for the two of them. 

They get a bottle of wine between them, hidden under Phil’s jacket. After just one glass, Dan can feel the bones and muscle in his body becoming lighter, his laughs bubbling up with ease. His hands become magnets, drawn to the polars of Phil’s arms and back, seeking out his addictive warmth without permission. 

They wander around the deck, pressed against each other’s sides, sneaking dribbles of wine into their plastic cups out of sight of the kids. 

John is preoccupied in what looks like a deep conversation with the captain, so they’re able to keep their irresponsible behaviour from him, as well. Phil asks Dan a plethora of questions, about his past, about his family, about his future plans and life goals. Dan does his best to answer them, but keeps reminding Phil that there’s simply no way he could possibly give any answer that will satisfy, because he’s just not that interesting. 

Phil disagrees vehemently each time Dan says this, which is ridiculous, but it’s quite sweet too, so Dan doesn’t really mind. 

On their third loop of the deck, they find that a handful of the students have found some chairs, and arranged them in a circle beside the outer wall of the cabin, out of the path of the icy wind. The students cheer as they notice Dan and Phil strolling by, and call them over.

Propelled in no small part by their alcohol-softened, happy moods, they wander towards the group, pink-cheeked and smiling. 

“Come play a game with us, sirs,” Savannah calls out, her eyes already glinting with mischief. 

Jonah barks a laugh at this, but nods fervently in agreement. “Yeah, grab some chairs, Mr Lester.” 

A mistrust of this situation immediately cloaks itself over Dan, but he’s in too much of a good mood to really mind it. He ignores his instinct to refuse the offer, and sits in a chair Phil finds him, hands wrapped around his plastic cup, still.  

He glances at Phil as if to check this is within the rules, and Phil just shrugs at him, managing to somehow discreetly pour some more wine into his own glass, shielded by his jacket. 

He tucks the bottle beneath his arm, expertly concealing it from the kids as he sits to Dan’s right, the two of them nestled between Jonah and Bethany. 

“So, what’s the game?” Dan asks, sipping wine as casually as possible. 

“Aw, you’ll love it, sir,” Jonah grins, raising his own glass, full of something that looks suspiciously like a spirit. It can’t be though, Dan thinks in confusion. It must be apple juice. “It’s called ‘Never Have I Ever’.” 

The bottom drops out of Dan’s stomach. He turns to Phil, sat beside him, sending him a horrified glance. Phil looks weirdly nonplussed about this answer, and just shrugs at Dan, smiling. 

“Phil,” Dan hisses at him, “we can’t. Not with students.”

“Come on, if it gets out of hand we can just get up and leave,” Phil says in a voice which sounds an awful lot like the alcohol is persuading him not to fully appreciate the weight of his own decisions right now. 

But partly because it’s warmer here, sat with the others out of the wind, and partly because he doesn’t want to appear a joy-kill in comparison to Phil, Dan just sits back in his chair, reluctantly accepting his fate. 

“Okay, so Katie’s starting,” Jonah declares, grinning at the girl in question. She glares at him, but sighs in acceptance. 

“Alright, never have I ever... been to Paris.” 

The group groan at Katie, rolling their eyes as they all take a sip from their glasses. Dan drinks some wine, catching Phil’s eye amusedly, both of them acknowledging the hilarity of this situation. 

This, Dan considers, is something truly irresponsible. 

“Never have I ever gotten a tattoo,” Bethany shouts out from Katie’s left. 

“What?” Dan cries out, horrified. “Aren’t you all, like, twelve?” 

Everyone splutters with laughter, including Phil. 

“Mr Howell, we’re fourteen!” Savannah cries out, indignant. 

“S’not much better,” Dan mumbles, but he’s blushing faintly. 

He glances at Phil, just in time to see him take a discreet sip of his wine. Dan’s eyes widen in shock, and he suppresses the urge to ask him aloud what the fuck kind of tattoo he has, and more importantly where. 

Luckily, everyone is too distracted by Jonah gulping down his own drink to notice. 

“What have you got, Jonah?” 

“As if he has!” 

“No way could he have gotten a tat,” Matthew cries, but he doesn’t sound totally sure. 

Jonah just waggles his eyebrows at everyone, grinning. “If you wanna have a go at finding it Savannah, I’d let you.” 

Savannah rolls her eyes, grimacing, and the others chuckle. “Isn’t it time for someone else’s go?”

“It’s Mr Howell’s turn, innit?” 

Dan, who is still busy gawping at Phil in disbelief, snaps his head back to the others at the sound of his name. “Huh? Oh, right. Um,” he swallows, mind racing as he struggles to think of something appropriate. 

Phil is smirking at him behind his glass, and it isn’t helping. Every time Dan has ever played this game in the past, it has inevitably dissolved into almost cruelly specific, hyper-sexual questioning designed to get people to admit their strange kinks and embarrassing anecdotes. Not to mention, to get people wasted. 

That, for obvious reasons, should probably be avoided this time. 

“Uh, never have I ever,” Dan begins, no idea where the sentence is headed. “Thought Mr Lester was my favourite teacher.”

The others groan and cackle at this, practically falling off their chairs in order to protest.

“Mr Howell, you sap,” someone shouts.

“Why’re you suckin’ up to him, sir? You’re not even in his class!” 

“Can you be more up his ass, Howell?” 

“Mate, you are so whipped.” 

“Alright, alright,” Dan laughs, the alcohol in his system helping him to take the comments in his stride, “you’re all drinking though, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah, and you as well, sir,” Jonah points out. 

Dan shrugs in agreement, taking a gulp of wine as well. Everyone else in the circle takes a sip, which is kind of sweet. Dan sneaks a look at Phil, who is looking rather embarrassed, but pleased. 

Phil laughs awkwardly then, but nods his thanks to the group nevertheless. “Very sweet everyone, thank you. Good to know that if you were drinking actual alcohol right now, your favour for my teaching methods would currently be getting you all plastered.” 

The others laugh, and Dan smiles at the joke, feeling warm and light. 

“Your turn now, sir,” Jonah tells Phil. 

“Hmm,” Phil says, sighing. ���Never have I ever...” he sneaks a look at Dan, who   can immediately tell that he’s got something evil planned. “...secretly straightened my hair every morning for years to hide the fact I actually have curls.”

The look Dan gives Phil is one of utter betrayal. He sighs heavily, glaring, and tips a little more wine than planned into his mouth. 

The students laugh and shout their disbelief, which only makes things worse, as their astonishment only proves that Dan had, until this point, been fooling them with his painstaking straightening every day. 

“In other news, Mr Lester and I are no longer friends,” Dan announces, shooting Phil a look of pretend anger. 

Phil just laughs at him, not looking the tiniest bit sorry. He tilts his glass to Dan, and winks. 

“Boyfriends now is it, sir?” Jonah asks, laughing at his own joke. 

Dan shuts his eyes in mortification, realising a second too late that he’s being a tad too casual with Phil to be considered appropriate right now. When Dan opens his eyes, the game is moving on, thank heavens. It’s now Jonah’s turn.

Dan’s stomach immediately flips as he realises this, and he tries his best to suppress the urge to give Phil a look of anticipatory fear. 

“Okay, never have I ever...” Jonah pauses, his eyes narrowed as he sweeps his gaze across the faces in the circle, assessing. He lands on Dan, and lingers a moment longer, a slow smirk spreading over his mouth. “Had a crush on Mr Lester.” 

Oh, fuck.

Every single pair of eyes in the circle turn towards him, and Dan can honestly say that he would rather the boat suddenly split in half and let him tumble in a Leonardo DiCaprio-style act of heroic sacrifice, into the depths of the Seine beneath. 

*

His head in his hands, elbows on the cool metal railing of the boat’s edge, Dan feels a gentle hand placing itself between his shoulder blades. He shudders at the unexpected touch, knowing exactly who it belongs to. 

“Dan, it’s okay,” Phil says, his voice like a soft, sandy shoreline after miles of aggressive, churning sea. 

Dan lifts his head from his hands with a great sigh, staring out into the clusters of houses and shops and bars lining the banks of the river. In his peripheral vision, he notices Phil coming to lean on the railing beside him, close enough that their elbows brush. 

He wishes, in a small sense, that Phil would move away. Every second he spends so close is only making this crush Dan can’t help harbouring that much worse. 

“Phil, this is not okay,” Dan finds himself saying. 

He’s dropped his wine glass somehow, somewhere, and he misses it suddenly. He’s certain that there was some left inside. He could use some dutch courage in order to say what he feels like he needs to, right now. 

Phil turns to face him, smiling as ever, seeing nothing amiss because he’s a big, sunny orb of optimism and cheer. 

“They’re just bored kids, don’t listen to them,” Phil says, one shoulder shrugging in dismissal. “They’re teasing you to get a reaction, but they’re just talking crap.” 

“But it’s not crap, is it Phil?” Dan almost shouts, the words bursting from deep within his chest, as though they’ve been crammed in for too long, shoved down into the depths, hidden. 

Dan can feel Phil turn his head in surprise at the outburst, but he doesn’t meet Phil’s gaze. Instead, he continues to stare stubbornly out at the shore, swallowing thickly. His hands ball into fists.

“They’re saying all that stuff because they know,” Dan continues, hearing his own voice take on a whiny quality, but not being able to stop it. 

“They know...?” 

Dan looks skyward, wondering how much mortification one human person can physically withstand before they dissolve into a squishy pink pile of liquified sludge. 

Is he really going to have to spell this out?

“Yes,” Dan confirms, teeth gritted. “They know because I stare at you, and I laugh too loudly at your stupid puns, and my whole body goes bright red when you wink at me, or smile at me, or say anything even vaguely flirtatious.” 

“Um... I don’t know if I get what you mean-”

The adrenaline flooding through Dan’s veins just from trying to stumble through this conversation is swirling with the alcohol already lacing his blood, making everything shimmer and pulsate. Dan can feel his hands shaking, and the thud of his frantic heartbeat is practically deafening. 

He groans, cutting Phil off, and covers his eyes with his fingers. “It’s just...” Dan starts to say, no idea where he’s going with this now, “it would all be fine, wouldn’t it, if you were boring? If you were some random - admittedly hot - but, like, ordinary, worksheets and PowerPoint presentations type history teacher, with just the one language up their sleeve, and no sense of humour.” 

Dan can feel Phil’s eyes boring into the side of his head, and he knows he should just shut the fuck up, because he could be ruining everything, and it’s really not worth it, but he can’t. Alcohol has always been like truth serum to Dan, has always made him too honest, has always been the key to unlock the floodgates of his closed-off personality. 

“But you’re not,” Dan says, allowing himself one sneaky little glance at Phil’s wide-eyed expression before dragging his eyes away. “You’re exciting and intelligent and spontaneous. You’re an exceptional teacher, and you’re everyone’s favourite, including mine. And you’re too flirty, especially with me, which just makes it all so much worse. You call me cute, and pretty - because I think you did say pretty to that baker - and you wink at me, and say things just to see me blush. You stand too close to me, so much, all the time, so close that it makes me think that maybe, possibly, you might...” Dan pauses. “But you don’t! You never do! You just step away again, and it’s not fair, because the kids can all see it, written all over my fucking gobsmacked face, and-”

Dan’s not certain how it happens, but one moment he’s complaining, rambling at Phil, hunched over the railing, and the next he’s being pushed up against a nearby pole, Phil so close that Dan can feel the moisture on his breath.

He blinks, his sentence falling away from his lips as he stares into the impossible, never-ending oceans of Phil’s eyes. They shine with life, an excited kind of exuberance that makes them appear even brighter, even more colourful.

Dan swears he can see gold flakes flickering in their depths.

A second passes, and Dan realises he can hear the thudding of Phil’s heart, can feel Phil’s hands resting on his hips, just beneath the hem of his jacket. 

“Phil, I swear to fucking God,” Dan whispers, his heart going so fast he thinks it might be humming. “If you move away right now...” 

Phil lets out a very small little laugh, and Dan can feel the breeze of it tickle against his chin. “Then what?”

The effort it takes not to surge forwards and kiss Phil is astronomical, and Dan can feel his bones beginning to ache from it. He lets out a tiny noise of frustration, and something about it seems to ignite Phil’s reflexes. 

It’s just as Dan is really wondering if he might be about to die of yearning, that Phil leans in, closing the gap between their mouths, a few inches, and a thousand, long, exhausting, miles.  

Considering that they are standing so close, it perhaps shouldn’t feel as much of a surprise as it does, but Dan feels the shock slicing down to his core. 

The  soft give of Phil’s lips pushing against his. 

The incremental tightening of Phil’s hands against the bones of his hips. 

The overpowering warmth of his lean body, pressed in a hard line against Dan’s front. 

He loses the ability to move, or think, or react. He can only stay motionless, stupefied, as Phil kisses him, his mind a white, blank void, his joints taut. A few seconds tick by, and Dan’s brain gradually begins to turn its cogs again, just enough to propel him into the sensation of Phil’s lips, kissing back as his hands grapple for purchase around Phil’s forearms. 

It’s over in seconds. 

A kiss so fleeting, yet so charged, that it literally leaves Dan breathless. 

His lungs seize up, and he stops respiring, mouth parted in astonishment as Phil leans away. He’s smiling very slightly, a secret tucked into the whites of his eyes. 

“Dan,” he whispers, shaking his head, “do you honestly think all this is one-sided?” 

Before Dan can possibly begin unravelling that heavily knotted mess of a question, three chattering teenagers round the corner of the cabin, and Phil leaps backwards, his hands slipping from their hold on Dan’s hips. 

“Oi, oi!” Jonah calls out. 

Of course it’s Jonah, Dan thinks, eyes fluttering shut. 

“What’s all this then, sirs?” Jonah is grinning madly at them; Dan turns away from him because he simply does not trust himself to respond in any way, even in terms of body language, without making this entire situation a thousand times worse. “Havin’ a li’l snog on the Seine?” 

“Mr Howell and I are going over some curriculum matters, Jonah,” Phil says sternly, though there’s a slightly amused lilt to his voice, if Dan is not mistaken. “We can’t be spending the whole night playing silly games with you and your friends. Go and find Mr Green if you need something.” 

“Ooh, sounds like we’re interrupting something, guys,” Jonah says to Matthew and Joanna, stood beside him; Matthew lets out a low whistle. “We’ll leave you to it, sirs.”

The others snigger, hiding their laughter behind their hands, and start to walk off. Dan turns, ready to demand a thousand answers from Phil about what just happened, but before he can speak, John rounds the corner as well, bumping into Jonah and the others as he does so. 

He catches Dan’s eye, appearing exasperated, and stalks towards them. “Ah, there you both are! I’ve been going mad trying to find the two of you. I was wondering if you’d swum back to shore!” 

Dan shakes his head, dazed. “N-nope.” 

“Sorry, John,” Phil says, sounding a little hollow. “Didn’t mean to go AWOL. We’ve been... supervising Jonah and some others.” 

John sighs, glancing over at where Jonah, Matthew and Joanna all loiter nearby, still glancing over at Dan and Phil, making some rather obscene gestures when VP Green isn’t looking. 

“I see,” John says, “well, I’d appreciate a hand with Caoibhe and Regina, if you’re not busy. They both seem to be suffering with some seasickness, so...”

Dan phases John out at this point, turning as discreetly as he can to stare at Phil, who is looking at John as though he’d rather the older man dove off the side of the boat. 

“Sure, sure,” Phil murmurs distractedly as John rambles on. “Look, John, we’re more than happy to help. We’ll see you by the bathrooms to help with the sick girls in five minutes, okay?” 

“Five minutes?” John asks, bewildered as he looks between Dan and Phil. “Why, what do you need to do for five minutes?” 

A pained expression passes over Phil’s features, and he casts a brief, apologetic look at Dan, sighing. 

“Nothing,” he says through his teeth, dredging up a strained smile from somewhere. “Lead the way, John-o.”

John turns on his heel, walking briskly back the way he came, past Jonah and friends, towards the cabin of the boat. Phil falls into step behind him, maintaining a far slower pace, and Dan, still not sure what the fuck is even happening right now, shakily walks beside him. 

Once John is just out of earshot, Phil leans towards him, sending Dan’s pulse skyrocketing once again, and whispers one, solitary word. 

“Later.” 

*

Later, as it turns out, is not until the boat has docked once more, their party of teens and young adults have disembarked, and they have herded a gaggle of hyper, partied-out students back through the cobbled streets to the L’Hotel Montparnasse.

Try as he does to maintain a collected air of professionalism, Dan spends the hour and a half proceeding Phil kissing him in a dreamy, dumb, stupor. He finds himself unable to answer the simplest questions asked to him by students, and cannot even seem to hold himself upright for longer than a few minutes without swaying to one side, busy as he is with replaying the moment over in his mind. 

Phil, on the other hand, seems to be holding himself together rather well, from what Dan can see. He casts several loaded, meaningful glances at Dan, a thousand apologies and promises curled within the azure depths of his eyes. 

As they walk home, past the Champs-Élysées, Dan feels Phil’s fingers curl very briefly around his hand. 

But it’s gone before he knows it. 

Eventually, after what feels to Dan like years, they reach the hostel. Between the three of them, John, Phil and Dan count up the students, and send them all off towards their rooms. 

“Dan,” Phil says in a low voice. Long fingers curl around Dan’s wrist. “Why don’t you go up to the room? John and I will just make sure everyone’s packed and ready to leave.”

“Right,” Dan almost whispers, eyes glued to the hand wrapped around his arm. 

“See you upstairs,” Phil says, releasing him. 

Dan looks him in the eye, breath caught. “Okay.”

*

It seems to take hours for Phil to get back to the room. Dan doesn’t dare do anything but wait for him, legs tucked uncomfortably beneath himself on his bed, fully dressed still, right down to his shoes. 

He’s taken his jacket off, but only because the air is suddenly stifling in here, though he hasn’t noticed it until right now. His mind whirls, a rickety fairground ride caught in a high wind, its flashing novelty lights streaming through the night sky as it careers from left to right. 

He can feel the indents of Phil’s lips, moulded into his own, he’s sure. Carefully, he lets the tip of his tongue run over the thin, slightly chapped skin, tasting what’s left of him. 

His fingers drum against his leg as he replays that one moment, the moment to trump all moments, over and over. 

Do you honestly think all this is all one-sided?

What had Phil meant? Could he have been implying that, somehow, miraculously, he feels the same way Dan feels? Impossibly, it seems that he might even be saying he has been feeling it all along. All this time.

How is that possible?

To distract himself, lest his over-analysis drive him mad, Dan reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out his phone. 

Dan Ty, I think something is about to happen.

Dan Help me.

He waits, staring at his phone, muttering “reply, reply, reply” under his breath. There’s no excuse for Tyler not to. That guy never has his phone more than two feet from his hand. 

Sure enough, around fifteen seconds later, Dan’s phone buzzes in his palm. Then it buzzes again. And again. 

Tyler WHAT

Tyler DAN OMG

Tyler Are you about to bang him?!!

Dan’s face immediately pales, and he drops his phone on the bed. Christ, he is not prepared for this, emotionally speaking. 

Dan I DONT KNOW

Tyler WTF is happening??? HOw are you texting me??? WHAT HAPPENED

Dan he kissed me

Tyler WJHAT

Dan We were interrupted. Now Im  waiting in our room for him

Tyler WHATOMGFdFFSD

Dan TYLER DO YOU HAVE ANY ACTUAL ADVICE COS THIS IS JUST MAKING IT WORSE

Tyler ok ok ok ummmmmm oh wow

Dan looks down at the three dots pulsating under Tyler’s response in despair. If this is Tyler’s idea of advice, he’s royally fucked. 

Tyler ok so just breathe. he’s already  made the move! you know he  likes you

Trying to follow Tyler’s instructions, Dan inhales deeply, filling his lungs with some much needed oxygen. His heart is still jackhammering, but he does feel a little more clear-headed. 

Tyler from the sounds of it he might try and go for it - do u  want something to happen??

Dan swallows, trying to conjure up the insane scenario of actually getting physical with Phil Lester, the man of his (until now) very fictional daydreams. 

Dan think i might combust but fuck yes i do

Tyler then just let it happen hun! Teddy says use protection 

Tyler i say have fun and tell me every fuckin  detail bitch

Dan chuckles, unable to help himself from laughing at Tyler’s typical absurdity, and at that moment, there is the distinct sound of the door being unlocked from the outside.

Dan freezes in shock, dropping his phone onto the bed, Tyler and Teddy forgotten. He can feel the beads of sweat pearling on his brow, dampening his fringe. It will curl in the moisture, Dan thinks, irritated. But then, Phil had said once that he actually quite liked the curls. 

The door opens, and Phil steps into the room, his jacket still on. The corner of his mouth tilts upwards as he locks eyes with Dan, and he closes the door softly behind him, not once looking away. 

“Hey,” he says.

“Hi,” Dan squeaks back. 

Smiling still, Phil moves further into the room, shrugging off his jacket as he goes. He reaches into the inner pocket before discarding it onto his bed, and pulls out a half empty bottle of whiskey. 

“Look what I confiscated from Jonah,” he says, his smile growing a little wider. 

Dan’s eyes fall to the bottle, barely registering it. He tries to nod, but can’t seem to do more than jerk his chin a little. Phil chuckles lightly, then reaches down to unscrew the cap. 

“It would be irresponsible of us not to dispose of this, don’t you think?” Phil asks, taking a sip of the whiskey. Dan’s eyes hone in on the amber liquid, trickling between the purse of Phil’s lips. He takes the bottle away from his mouth, eyes glinting. “Wanna help me get rid of it?”

Before Dan can answer, Phil is moving towards him, climbing up onto Dan’s bed. In itself, this is enough to make Dan want to scream, but then Phil is hooking a leg over Dan’s thighs, straddling him, his knees settled snugly either side of Dan’s hips.

Dan chokes on his own saliva, every droplet of blood in his body rushing south as Phil settles himself comfortably in Dan’s lap. Phil looks down into Dan’s face, still amused, and takes another sip from the bottle. 

He holds the bottle out for Dan then, one eyebrow raised. Dan grabs hold of it, taking a large swig, mostly because he doubts he will be able to manage to stay coherent throughout this if he’s sober. 

Hyper-aware of how restricted his movements have become with Phil on top of him, Dan leans back as far as he can and places the bottle on the bedside table. 

He leans back up, his body thrumming with adrenaline, and then Phil kisses him, fiercely, harshly, like he can’t stop himself from swooping in and stealing the kiss from Dan’s lips. His lips are fiery with whiskey and warmth; Dan imagines he can taste every molecule, every atom that makes him up. Can feel the singing of their sister particles floating in distant galaxies, as they sense the collision of their mouths. 

It is glorious. 

He hears the cataclysmic swell of a symphony at its climax, and the lovestruck cry of a great, majestic whale. The white noise roars in his eardrums, and Dan wonders why everything is so loud, until he realises that his own heartbeat is the instrument making the cacophony.

He clutches at Phil’s arms, trying helplessly to pour as much as he can into this one joining of their mouths. His fingers claw and cling, desperate to pull him closer, despite how pressed together they already are. 

Phil is pushing him backwards, and Dan is about to fall back onto the mattress, he’s sure, but then Phil’s hands are fisting in his shirt, hauling him upright again.

Phil’s lips slide from his, peppering hard, insistent kisses across the flush of his cheek, dragging over the line of his jaw. Dan gasps as he feels the scrape of teeth, just below his ear, and then biting at the lobe, teasing and too, too much. 

“Ça fait des semaines,” Phil whispers, sounding almost pained, “que j'en avais envie.”

Dan shudders; he has little to no idea what Phil is saying, but it doesn’t even matter. He imagines he can hear the sinful tone dripping from each syllable, and it only makes everything ten times headier, more euphoric. 

“Fuck,” Dan whispers. 

In another circumstance, he might feel embarrassed at being so ineloquent in the face of Phil’s beautiful, natural slide into his second language, but right now he literally cannot think of any word that sums up his current tumult of emotions better.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck-” Dan cries out, his hands clutching at Phil’s shoulders as he feels the older man move his searching kisses to Dan’s throat. “Wait, Phil, I- AH!”

Phil pauses, having just sunk his teeth very lightly into the spot just above Dan’s collarbone. He pulls away cautiously, leaning backwards to look Dan in the eye, mildly alarmed.

“Ça va?”

Dan can’t help but splutter a laugh, nodding his affirmation, though in truth he’s not totally certain. Is he really okay, right now?

“S-sorry,” he manages, somehow, to spit out. “It’s just... my neck, um, it’s- it’s really, um...”

Dan trails off, mostly because his cheeks feel like they’re about to burst into flames. 

Phil quirks an eyebrow, a slow smile spreading across his mouth. “Oh.” 

Dan doesn’t have time to respond before Phil is leaning back in towards him, sealing his lips back against the skin of his throat. Dan sucks in a sharp intake of breath, at once jerking backwards and pulling Phil close. 

He squirms as Phil begins sucking at the skin, his teeth digging in to the soft flesh; it will definitely leave a mark, Dan thinks, unable to stop a small whimper escaping. 

His neck is ridiculously sensitive, it always has been. Dan’s last girlfriend, Stephanie, had tried giving him a hickey once, whilst drunk, and she’d sucked so hard that the bruise had stayed deep, dark and ferociously noticeable for weeks. 

As Phil bites at him, just the right side of painful, teeth worrying at him as though he wants to devour Dan bit by bit, he thinks he wouldn’t care if Phil marked him permanently. 

Eventually, just as Dan’s efforts to keep his embarrassing whines under wraps begin breaking apart, Phil leans away, finding Dan’s lips again and kissing hard enough to bruise. 

“Tes baisers sont comme une drogue,” Phil moans against his mouth, then takes Dan’s lower lip between his teeth.

Dan is sure he’s about to pass out, partly from the lack of oxygen managing to work its way between their kisses, and partly from the thrill of this, of just being immersed, so heavily, in Phil, in his touch and weight and taste. 

“Phil,” Dan whispers, dumbed. 

At that moment, like a bucket of icy Seine river water being thrown down upon their heads, a knock raps at the door, loud and even. 

Phil rears backwards from Dan, his head whirling to face the noise so fast that Dan feels a little dizzied. 

Neither of them speak. Phil turns back to Dan slowly, a look of dread passing over his face. It occurs to Dan, belatedly, that they are currently in an extremely incriminating position, in the eyes of anyone on the other side of that door. 

He meets Phil’s gaze, suddenly terrified. 

Another knock sounds, longer and more insistent this time. Phil rises from Dan’s lap, scooting off him entirely, and scrambles into a standing position beside the bed, pink-cheeked. 

He runs a hand through his hair, tugs at his rumpled shirt and fusses with his collar for a moment, before heading towards the door. Dan watches him do this, bewildered, still in a stupor; it’s only when Phil turns to give him a look, one hand on the door, that Dan realises he probably needs to sort out his appearance too. 

He smooths down his hair, hands shaking, and attempts to gather the many, many loose, tangled threads of his unravelled emotions. 

Dan casts a look around his immediate vicinity, looking for anything incriminating, and spots the bottle of whiskey, still perched on the bedside table. He grabs hold of it, tucking it out of sight, beneath the bed. 

Phil sighs in relief, nodding at him, then takes a deep breath, and pulls open the door. 

John’s raised fist sails through the air into nothing. 

“Oh!” John exclaims, straightening up. “You are awake. I thought you might’ve gone to bed already.” 

Phil forces the most pretend-sounding laugh Dan has ever heard. “Oh, um, no not yet.” 

“Best be getting those pyjamas on soon, then!” John says brightly. “Up bright and early tomorrow!” 

Phil nods, smiling at John. “Yep, we will, don’t worry.” 

“Just wanted to check the times with you,” John continues, placing a halting hand on the door as Phil inches it closed. “The bus is leaving at what time, did you say?” 

“Um...” Phil flounders, casting a look over his shoulder at Dan, clearly at a loss. 

For some reason the number springs into Dan’s otherwise blank mind. He holds up nine fingers. 

“It leaves at nine,” Phil says, turning back to John. He fakes a yawn, fanning a hand over his mouth. “Anything else, John? You’re right, we should probably get to-”

“What time should we get the kids up?” John asks, still chipper.

“Um, I- I don’t...”

“Is Dan in there too?” John asks, pushing the door open wide. 

Dan freezes in alarm, sure he’s got ‘I was just snogging Phil’ stamped across his forehead. Instead of gasping in horror however, John just smiles at him, sending a little wave from the doorway. 

Dan returns it, meekly, trying not to be too obvious about sending little ‘help’ glances at Phil, who is still stood, despairing, by the open door. 

“Ah, there he is!” John says. “What time should we send round a wake up call, d’you think, Dan? About seven-thirty? We’ve got to squeeze in breakfast for them, which we can do at about eight, and then they’ll probably be ready by nine I should think as long as they get their things together...”

John rambles on for another minute and a half, during which time Dan just nods and tries to remain calm. He focuses on regulating his breathing, his palms clammy and damp with the effort of trying to look normal. 

“Anyway!” John says at last. “I’ll leave you to it then, boys. Thanks for a lovely trip! It’s been grand! See you in the morning.” 

Then, with one final wave, he’s walking away, back down the corridor towards his room. Phil shuts the door quietly, the little click still loud enough to make Dan wince. 

Once they’re alone, Dan melts, flopping back onto his mattress, his muscles screaming in relief, released of tension. 

“Holy shit,” Dan says, blood pounding in his ears. 

Phil is being awfully silent, so Dan sits up at once, terrified that this interruption will have slapped him into sense, and that he’ll have changed his mind about whether or not it was a good idea to kiss Dan at all.  

“Phil?” Dan asks timidly, finding that his feet are wandering away from him, standing up off the bed and walking over to the door. Dan only stops when he’s standing right in front of Phil, hands balled into fists, heart pounding. “Are you okay?” 

Phil stares at him, chewing the thumbnail of his left hand. He flicks his gaze over Dan’s face once, and then steps forwards, shoving him (carefully) against the nearest wall. 

It’s delicious, tasting his lips again, and Dan welcomes them as they crash against his; the sea shore, spread wide and inviting for the turbulent, sapphire waves. 

And then, as quickly as it came, it’s over. Phil steps away, jumping backwards as if Dan’s skin is alight. Dan travels with him a few inches, not expecting the sudden loss, and then just stares in bewilderment. 

“Dan, we- we can’t,” Phil tells him, his eyebrows creased in regret. “I’m sorry, I just... we can’t. Not- not now.”

“What?” Dan blurts out, confused. 

“Dan,” Phil says, pained. His hands flap through the air, shaky and unsure. It’s so unlike him, Dan thinks, to seem this muddled. “I’m a teacher... you’re a teacher...”

“Actually-”

“Teaching assistant, whatever,” Phil cuts in. He cards a trembling hand through his hair. “The point is... we’re at work right now. Technically, I’m on duty, and so are you. What if there was an emergency? What if the kids needed... anything? I can’t be... we can’t be...” he trails off, cheeks stained with pink. “Do you see what I mean?” 

Dan lets out a sad, frustrated little “no”, but his eyes don’t match it. 

Phil sighs at him, sadly. “Trust me, I hate this as much as you do.” 

“Not possible,” Dan mutters, wondering whether Phil is actually expecting Dan to be able to go to bed right now, what with the searing, bubbling arousal still coursing through his veins. 

Phil steps towards him, hand outstretched, and then he draws it away, seeming to catch ahold of himself just in time. 

“I think I’ll, err...” Phil scratches at his head, whirling round on the spot. His eyes land on his open suitcase, and he goes to it immediately, grabbing his pyjamas. “I’ll just go and, um, change. In the bathroom.” 

He hugs the pyjamas to his chest, carefully side-stepping Dan in order to get to the door. Before he disappears into the hallway, he gives Dan one final, guilty look, coupled with one of something like longing, his lip caught between his teeth. 

The door clicks shut behind him, and Dan slides down the wall at his back, landing in a crumpled heap on the floor. 

Well, he supposes once he’s down there, his jellified legs were going to give out eventually this evening. 

*

“Can you at least sleep with me?” Dan asks, still not sure whether he’ll survive the night; he’s so frustrated he thinks he might splinter into shards at any moment,  

Phil turns to him, eyes wide. “Um...” 

“Just sleep,” Dan clarifies, reddening. “In my bed, with me. Nothing... else.” 

Phil gnaws on his lip, seeming conflicted. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why?” Dan asks, his jaw clenching. 

If he has to stare at Phil across the chasm between their separate beds after this, he thinks he might actually burst into flames. 

“You’re...” Phil sighs and sits down on his bed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Very kissable.”

Dan blushes immediately, a smile catching him off guard as it spreads over his mouth. 

“Is that a problem?”

“Mm,” Phil replies, mouth quirking in an amused smile. “It is when I’m trying to resist you.”

“Why are you doing that, again?” 

“Not sure,” Phil chuckles. “Think it has something to do with being a responsible guardian?”

“Sounds boring.” 

“Totally.” 

There’s a silence then, loaded with their unspoken desires. Phil sighs again, sounding resigned, and he peels back the covers of his own bed, about to climb in. 

Dan can’t allow it. 

“I promise I won’t kiss you,” Dan says, urgent. “I’ll stay right up against the wall, away from you. You won’t even know I’m there.”

Phil looks at him, smirking. “I think I’d remember.”

“Please?” Dan begs, desperate now. 

He can feel his heart straining, urging Phil to say yes. His eyes widen, puppy-like, and he holds Phil’s gaze, willing his resolve to break. 

After a moment, Phil lets out a small grunt of resignation. “Okay.”

Dan can’t quite believe he won, but he doesn’t have time to feel surprised for too long, as the next minute Phil is slipping under his covers. As promised, Dan scoots right over, plastering himself against the far wall, but Phil’s hands wrap around his waist at once, pulling him in, their chests crushed against each other. 

Dan stops breathing. 

Phil’s chest is warm and solid. One of his hands is caught between them, meaning his palm is pressed to the soft cotton of Phil’s t-shirt. His heart thuds beneath Dan’s fingers, steady, but faster than it should be. 

Phil removes his hand from Dan’s waist in order to take off his glasses, and leans away for a moment to put them aside. He turns back, his arm finding its place once again, like it belongs there. 

“Just so you know,” Dan whispers as Phil moves forwards, their noses bumping softly. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to get very much sleep.” 

Phil smiles sleepily, his eyelids fluttering as if they’re seconds away from closing. “That’s okay,” he leans in, breaking his word as he closes the distance, for one, fleeting moment, between their lips. “Tu peux partager mes rêves.” 

(Part Nine!)

(Translation of the French can be found here!)

#phan #phanfic #teacher au #l'histoire française #dan and phil

[imagine-this-overwatch-blog]

Do you mind letting us know what's in the box? Oh and Happy (belated) Valentine's Day! 💝

Aww thank. You too.

S/o who loves shower sex, please? Hanzo/Junkrat/Soldier 76

Widowmaker spying on s/o through scope and gets in through the window as a form of foreplay. "I saw you through my scope and couldn't resist" 

Oni!Genji x Reader, Genji was kicked out from the kingdom by Hanzo and so he wandered on earth where he met his s/o and fell in love to each other. Hanzo didnt like seeing his brother being happy and so he curse Genji's s/o to die at certain age. They will reborned again but have no memories of Genji and Genji wont be able to met his s/o before they hit certain age too Like they have limited time to spend on each other. "I've lost count on how many times I met and lost you, but even if it's painful, I'd choose to fell to you over and over again" It's kinda like..Genji will be in endless loop of love and hurt with his s/o Do you like it? And do you think Genji will come back to beat Hanzo for cursing his s/o? :x 

McCree, Genji, Hanzo, Sombra are scouting an abandoned city where their team is going to have an upcoming battle (in the next few minutes!). they hear coughing and investigate. what happens when they discover their long-time crush (citizen) under the rubble in an abandoned building? they're alive but they're wounded badly and in poor health. they say they'll be fine. 

Fem!reader with lucio in a soul mate au? 

I don’t think we give enough love to the Omnics of Overwatch. So how about a student/teacher relationship with an S/o and Bastion, Orisa, and Zenyatta.( You decide who is the student and who is the teacher.) 

I was wondering if you could do a daddy dom McCree (NSFW and SFW) with a so that is very smol and submissive and shy and blushes and gets embarrassed very easily ^.^ 

Headcanons please! Reader is a new recruit for Overwatch, and Ana, for whatever reason, takes a liking to them and develops a mentor/guardian relationship with Reader, maybe even teaching them things/trains them? (That reader happily listens to and takes to heart)! Bonus: after a highly successful mission, Ana tells Reader she is genuinely proud of them. Reader begins to cry really loudly out of happiness.

reaper, genji, mccree and a hero of your choice (separately) with an s/o who has a really hard time believing they are loved or care about? they'll get in really depressive moods every now and again, persistent that the heroes will hate s/o eventually, convinced everyone despises them and hating themselves where it gets really unhealthy (not eating, staying in the cold/heat, etc) 

Junkenstein finding a s/o as crazy as him who is eager to help him with experiments and maybe getting freaky in the lab (; 

Can i get headcannons for Corsair Ana realizing shes fallen for the reader who's one if her crewmates?

Can i have poly anahardt headcannons for taking care of a sick reader? 

Headcannons for poly roadrat where the reader comes back from a mission in a really bad mood, how would try to make them feel better? 

Hello! Can I have Moira having to explain to her SO how an experiment went wrong and gave her fox ears and a tail? 

Can I have Balderich's reaction to learning his SO is pregnant with twins? 

hcs on a relationship between lucio and his professional skater s/o? 

GREETINGS! May I request an NSFW where Junkrat and f!reader have a heated argument in which one of them confesses their feelings to the other? And then things heats up ;;;))) Thank you

can i request 76 with a reader who's a healer? thanks in advance!

Genji falls in love with an ex of his when he was a playboy but he doesn't remember that he dated them.He broke their heart by either dumping them or cheating on them. How would that play out? 

Okay but  imagine McCree tying up his fem s/o when she really needs to pee, her options are to either wet herself or hold it, but obviously you can only hold it for so long! All the while McCree is watching and teasing.Do you think you could do anything with this? 

Zarya bench pressing reader while they are reading. 

Okay what about just cute and fluffy mercy x reader im in need 

I'll have one tall nsfw dirty boi where only way junkrat agrees to take a bath is with f/reader but always turns it into something sexual.  Thank you, bless you. 

could you do something where soldier 76's s/o is kissing him all over and telling him how much they love him? i live for fluff like that. 

Can I get uhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHhhhhHHHHHH NSFW chubby!fem!s/o with extra oral and body worship w/ McCree, 76, Genji & Hanzo? Cut any out if you need to btw.

Poly Roadrat helping their SO recover from a rough day at work? As in got yelled at by the managers, customers and everything just goes wrong in general? Thanks love! 

Lucio, Soldier, and Hanzo(separately) who has a crush on the reader but they soon find out the reader has a HUGE bounty on them? (That it almost reached McCree's bounty that was placed on him) So on, they soon realize the reader was still on the run because of that and the only safe place was the location their in until they found out? 

Could I request Ana x Female!Reader petplay please? I'm honestly a sucker for Ana, she's so beautiful, but I haven't found a whole lot of fanfictions for her! Thank you :) 

lucio and dva (non poly) with a s/o whos a gamer and esports competitor please?

ok so this is a little specific but id appreciate it if you do it a lot, could you do mccree, lucio, and zenyatta walking in on their s/o having a breakdown and once they can talk again they confess theyre very insecure about how they show affection and are worried that they dont show the boys they love them enough even if theyre very affectionate? and theyre worried the boys might leave them for it? if you dont feel comfy thats fine but if you can!! 

Request for PolyMchanzo (Fem!Reader) Body woreship - but not only for the reader - she can do it for Hanzo & Jesse 

pre-fall Jack taking his soon to be s/o on a Valentines date? fem pronouns please

Reinhardt taking care of a depressed s/o who didn't get her dream job?

Something nsfw but also sweet? Junkrats s/o finally coming home from a super long trip and getting down to do some sexy times but Junkrat climaxes during foreplay and gets hella embarrassed about it and feels really bad, so s/o suggests Junkrat to give them head to make up for it.

can you put jesse mccree & fem!s/o in a old wild west scenario 

I’m glad to hear requests are back open!! Can I please request some super sappy ‘the moment they knew they were in love’ kinda thing with Hanzo, McCree, and Lucio? I’m in a super sappy mood and this will help to quench the need. Thanks a bunch!

Hey :3 May I ask for a fluffy Hanzo imagine where he has a very soft,kind and shy healer female S/O who often finds herself tending to animals in the forest and got kidnapped while trying ti make him a flower crown? Thank you 

Girls of your choice x reader in a depressive episode, overhearing reader ask himself if she's better off without him. 

I've waited so long (not that I'm complaining please take all the time you need) to request that scenario of reader leaving for a long mission and somehow while they're saying bye to McCree they manage to sneak their panties into his back pocket with a note telling him to use them whenever he feels lonely. 

Oh can I request moira with a fem reader? Where shes in her lab working late and her a surprise visit and nsfw ensues? 

May i request some nsfw of Roadhog with a tiny but chubby female reader. Where he's just grabbing all up on her soft bits while they're fucking and calling her pet names like "good girl" and/or "princess" ahh sorry im so needy(/)-(\) 

Nsfw headcannons for poly roadrat spitroasting female reader? 

Can I have a Soul mate au with Junkrat x male reader please? 

Would you be willing to write some smut, short as you want to, with multiple Genjis and one female reader? Like, some of his different skins? Or is that too much? I'd understand if it was.

#mun text #Anonymous ; #asks

[facinna-a]

tell me about your most recently made ocs!

ah!! they’re actuallybnha ocs! there’s a lot of speculating in their backstories tho, mainly becauseof the mystery surrounding all for one so ill put it under the cut thisllprobably get long aaaaaaaa

SO there isn’t a lot ofinfo on all for one, but we do know that he enjoys the power of having multiplequirks and also wants a successor. i think that prior to meeting tomura heattempted to try and create a successor with the strength to surpass him oneday. so lots of experimentation. first it started with the basics: just tryingto transfer quirks onto other people. after the discovery that not everybodycould handle begin given a quirk like that, all for one decides to try keepingthe quirk in his genes, and so he has a kid (listen he doesnt have a face pretendthe lucky lady rly likes money or power or whatever). 

well that child turns outquirkless, so they try once more and have another baby (this baby is my oc shill explain later) and realizing relying on chance doesn’t work, they decidedto try and use dna experiment on this child. but guess who fuckin hates thatidea? all for one’s brother, aka the first user of one for all.

but they do it anywaybecause all for one needs an heir so. they start doing the experiment(TM) andthe baby dies from the strain of the experimentation, prompting no emotionalresponse from all for one.

or so they thought. 

one for all was a good person and wanted to give his niece aproper burial, but found that she was actually alive. the experiment was asuccess, and the quirks all for one had given to his daughter had kept heralive. knowing that all for one would use his daughter’s powers for evil, he fledand took the child with him. before leaving, however, his final act was tellingall for one’s first child, his niece, all of the evil acts her father had done,hoping this would strike a fire inside her to begin some sort of conspiracyfrom the inside, so he would have some support fighting his brother.

knowing that he would be unable to defeat his brother, one forall transferred his mutated quirk onto another, the baby he took was raised bythis second user until their death. by that time she’d been taken in by a localsmall-time gang, ne’er-do-wells who did what they had to in order to survive onthe streets. the gang was her family, and they were all just stupid teens, butthey did their best to help each other and care for one another where nobodyelse would. (think team skull lol)

enter my oc turning 14, raised quirkless and not knowing herpower. seeing the pro heroes of the time barely giving a damn about people likethem, she turned to vigilantism, donning a mask and saving those who wereharassed but not saved. she looked into ways to counter certain quirks, and usedher incredible intelligence for a 14-year-old (another passive quirk bestowedupon her by all for one) to make gadgets to help her keep up with other heroes.

she was content with this lifestyle: save people who needed tobe saved, who wouldn’t be saved any other time, no credit necessary.

enter toshinori yagi.

[warning lmfao it might get kinda sue-ish here but there’sanother oc so blease stick around]

so she encounters toshinori yagi on a whim, after stealing somefood for the younger members of her gang and stopping a mugging on the waythere.

because of his own quirklessness, toshinori saw something in herthat was heroic potential, and so he befriends her and attempts to convince herto try and get into ua, which she scoffs at obviously. but after the gang (i don’thave a name for them yet lol) hear of the incident, they try and succeed inconvincing her to give it a try. so this quirkless girl tries getting into uawith her homemade technology, supported by both toshinori and his mentor nanashimura. she gets in through shounen anime means (the working idea is that she fights gran torino and wins through the power of friendship but idk lmfao) and starts her new life as a quirkless student at a school for pro heroes.

of course none of the student body really likes her presence there, except toshinori. constantly showing his support and confidence in her, he’s a beacon of hope, cheering her on and helping her get better while also using her tech to improve his own techniques. some are humbled by being beaten by a quirkless kid with the smarts to stop their quirks and others are embarrassed, but still the harassment never really stops.

so the night before finals of her first year, the emotional strain of being bullied and attacked for being a quirkless student mixes with her pre-existing depression and anxiety over her lack of self-worth being an orphan and a quirkless person in general, so she tries to kill herself by jumping off the roof of ua.

enter toshinori yagi again.

he sits with her for the rest of the night, the night before finals, talking to her and getting her to let her feelings out. he talks her down and saves her life, making him her hero.

as they go through school, the bullying becomes less and less prevalent, less annoying, and more and more people grow to respect her for her fighting prowess and her humbling abilities that have improved greatly with the help of her studies.

she falls in love with toshinori. they fight side by side together.

she realizes she loves helping people, but she also wants to keep pro heroes humble. they have millions of idols around the world, and some of them are quirkless. so she becomes a physical education teacher at ua. and teaches up and coming heroes that people can and will be able to counter them. 

so of course she’s there when all for one destroys his body. she still loves him and helps him through everything, from adjusting to his new body to helping with his loss of confidence and feelings of inadequacy for being unable to be a hero for more than a few hours a day.

she’s basically bnha’s batman. that’s the first bnha oc i have lol.

the next one is a student. she’s in class 1-a (in an au where either 1. izuku is the special 23rd classmate because his entry was later than the others somehow shut up or 2. mineta is fucking nonexistant). ive talked of her before but not in much detail i don’t think.

so after the first oc is “dead” to all for one, he tries taking children who have multiple quirks/children that he thinks can handle his transferring to make his successor. one of these children was tomura shigaraki’s sister, a young girl who was just a baby when tomura accidentally killed their parents. born with a hydrokinetic quirk, she was given a quirk that allowed her to calm/anger others with her singing, but somebody (i dont know who yet) stopped the experiments before she turned into a nomu.

as she grew, she was trained in the art of villainy. namely watching others get tortured or murdered, and ways to stop pro heroes. she was initially excited to learn these things, because it meant she would make her big brother happy.

she tripped one day and cut her hand. she realized she was the exact same as those she was supposed to torture and kill. she bled the same color as them, she had blood in their veins same as them, and all in all she was just as human as those people. suddenly she really doesn’t like learning how to be a villain.

it wasn’t until the incident that she realized how wrong everything was, and how she needed to take action.

after all for one realizes tomura is the perfect candidate, he decides he doesn’t need the other experiments-tomura’s own sister included-and has them fight each other to the death until there is one survivor, who gets to live. she’s only around 7-10 when this happens. hiding and running from the other experiments keeps her alive, alongside one other person, who she knows she has to kill to get out.

she’s scared, and she really doesn’t want to, but he’s coming this way and if she doesn’t do something she’ll die, so she uses her hydrokinesis quirk to manipulate his body (made of 60% water) and kills him. she has no other choice, but the action scars her. she leaves covered in blood that isn’t hers and tears that are still flowing from her eyes. when tomura isn’t there to see her, she begins questioning how much he really cares for her.

who else is there but all for one’s first child.

she cleans her up and the next morning explains the conspiracy that’s been brewing since she was a child, after one for all told her everything. my oc decides to join the conspiracy. her role is to gain the trust of the league and ensure that she can get a clear shot at their leader’s back one day. so when she turns 14 and the league tasks her with entering ua and infiltrating the school while providing them information, she is told both by the league of villains and the leader of the conspiracy that she cannot get attached, and must follow the league’s orders to the letter.

however, that isn’t the easiest feat. class 1-a treats her with kindness and love like she’s never seen before, and it makes it so hard to have to watch them die. so she begs all for one’s daughter (i dont have a name for her okay) to spare them, at least try. she’s given an ultimatum: the children will be tested. if they cannot beat the villains at usj, they aren’t fit to fight all for one. it’s not much but it’s something, so she follows through with the promise after the usj invasion. when the class not only survives the fight but helps all might in the process, she retreats and spares the class.

this oc knows her alignment is still wrong, but she must keep up the act of being a double agent in order to keep this rebellion decades in the works going. she doesn’t even really hope for class 1-a’s forgiveness so long as they are alive. their friendship in this moment is more than enough contentment for her. if they hate her, so be it, so long as they are safe.

ANY WAY. that’s it!! i really want to give them names but i have no ideas so ya!! honestly the second oc will probably be named something water related but im trying to keep the naming conventions of bnha so!! uh ya!!

#.txt #.ask #yuissamidere #please lmk if u like them!! anybody can tell me!! #i dont have a design for the first oc but the second one is gonna have a swan lake motif #also she has blue hair because genetics #yuissamidare

[kiribakus]

do you have any advice for applying for uni/the things you'll probably need to do in high school and the things you should put on your application?? also how do majors/minors and all the classes work?? im a freshman in high school but I'm the first in my family to be able to go to college so I don't really have anyone to teach me and I want to be prepared,,, i live in texas and my first choice college is texas a&m college station if that helps any... also thank you so much for everything ily

yep yep yep. i’ll put together a little guide. keep in mind, i’m not an admissions officer, but i think i have a good sense of what you need. NOTE: ONLY APPLICABLE TO USA UNI.

stats: obviously.....you need the stats. high gpa, high sat, high act, high grades, probably high ap/ib test scores?? but don’t depend on these to get you anywhere. you just need to get over the boundary. if you’re a good student, you’ll clear this hurdle no sweat. if you struggle a bit, don’t kill yourself to get WAAAAAY over the minimum gpa. no one gives that much of a fuck. and even if you’re below?? still?? apply??? to your dream college. it’s rarer, but if your other strengths are REALLY strong, you can get accepted. anyway, these are par for the course but not what you really need to focus on

involvement: alright, so you have a 4.2 gpa. good for you. colleges don’t care. you and thousands of other applicants, honey. involvement is REEEAAALLLLYYY key to having a strong application. now, in this case, quality >> quantity. pick a handful of things to get involved in. for example, i was into art competitions, competitive swimming, and extra online latin courses. once you find your “passions,” do literally everything in your power to buff up those things and your involvement. try and get a leadership position, win competitions, or participate in multiple activities related to your interests. going back to swimming, i was on three different swim teams, got mvp in my age group, placed fifth over all in our championship for my age group, and then went on to regionals and states on my high school team. oh, and i was team captain. prove to the admissions officers that you can COMMIT and LEAD. also that you’re good at your shit and will be a valuable student to have on campus.

achievements: there’s usually a spot for achievements. basically just list the stuff mentioned above there, limit your involvement section to just activities + position with the activity/club

essay: okay, so. i have a theory. my theory is that the essay is the most important part of your application. i sincerely believe that this is the do or die part of the application. i want you to PERFECT your essay/s. do as many drafts as possible, as teachers and parents to look it over, etc. make sure you are interesting, funny if possible, and stay away from dry writing styles. you’ll learn techniques of good essays in high school--now is the time to use it. sorry, there’s not much to say here bc essay prompts vary but just. this should take you the longest time. this is what makes or breaks you.

just additional information: there’s usually a spot for talking about any hardships you’ve faced. in your case, anon, then is a GREAT time to bring up that you’re a first generation college student, if you don’t incorporate it into another essay. i haven’t had much success with these, but maybe ppl just don’t have sympathy for kids whose houses burn down lmfao.

as for majors and minors: one, forget minors. you will pick that up once you get to uni and find your interests, also probably change it 1000000 times, so don’t even bother planning for that. your major will also probably change! or you’ll add another! it’s how life goes. you won’t find out if you REALLY love a major until you’re actually in the midst of the coursework. but no sweat! everyone’s in the same boat. also no sweat if you’re exploratory. there’s usually a lot of resources on campus once you get there to help you figure out your major.

but, since you’re in the preliminary stages, i would just make sure the school you love has a major you like, or majorS actually. those are easy to research, just google majors + uni name. majors are super inconsequential for freshman. i have a friend who has actually switched her majors over nine times since high school lmao.........don’t worry too much about those yet! and classes, too. you’ll go through an orientation after you’re accepted where Everything will be explained to you. hope this helps

#ry ref #anon #ask