#like the kind that you wake up feeling like you got hit by a bus

[gooseinsoup]

save me nanny ashtoreth.... save me

saw this dress on instagram and then the worms in my brain took over :D

if anyone has a dress theyd like to suggest to see a femziraphale in... send it thru my askbox or dms cause im on the hunt too :3

#god this colouring is so sloppy but its bc i just had my first day back at school today im so tired i cbf #as soon as i got home i had one of those After School Naps #like the kind that you wake up feeling like you got hit by a bus #and now its 12:30 in the morning and im very much awake #anyways yeah art wont be coming as often unfortunately #good omens #good omens fanart #crowley #ineffable husbands #digital art #nanny ashtoreth

[valeisaslut]

the morning is the muse-mdni (+18)

clic to read pt.1!

⚢ pairing: Shane McCutcheon (The L Word, 2004) x Reader 𖥔 ݁ ˖

ෆ synopsis: after the heated events of the night before, Shane and y/n try to make it pass as a one night thing, but feelings get in the way. It's your turn to realize that Shane is someone quite difficult to avoid 𖥔 ݁ ˖

⭑ word count: 2.12k 𖥔 ݁ ˖

♱ content: smut (nsfw), dom! Shane, sub! reader, oral sex (r!receiving), fingering, cum eating, jealousy, cursing, Shane and y/n are smokers, pet names, etc. MDNI!! 𖥔 ݁ ˖

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ Hii! first of all, thank you all so so so much for all the support in my first fic! I honestly wrote it more for myself than for it to be popular and i didn't expect all those kind beautiful messages and so many people asking me to write a pt.2! So here it is, I really hope you like it as much as i did. Sorry in advance if there are some misspelling or writing mistakes, english isn't my first language and I will be happy to receive constructive criticism! 𖥔 ݁ ˖

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

The dim and warm morning light seeped through the curtains of Shane's department, reaching your eyes and waking you from your slumber in a slow manner.

As you languidly opened your eyes, you started scanning your surroundings, not immediately comprehending your present location. However, in a matter of seconds, the flashbacks of the previous night hit you like a bus and a slight blush painted your cheeks.

The first thought of your sleepy head was to make sure of Shane's presence in the bed, so you rolled up to the other side, only to discover her absence.

You looked around the room, slightly confused but not really surprised. It was something that you could expect from a one night stand.

"Shane...?" you mumbled softly, still giving it a chance to dismiss your internal thoughts.

"maybe she just went and expects me to leave before she comes back" your inner voice echoed.

You were only in your panties, so you sat up and stretched your arms, letting out a soft sigh. You were ready to get dressed and start your walk of shame as soon as possible, but a sound coming from the kitchen stopped you in your tracks.

You felt footsteps coming towards the room, so you covered yourself with the sheets again. The door creaked open, revealing Shane's long and slim figure. She had two different colored mugs, one on each of her hands and a cigarette dangled from her lips.

She was wearing only a white tank shirt and black panties, her jet black hair all messy and her eyes were slightly black from the remnants of smudged makeup (that she didn't correctly remove after your shared shower).

Without a doubt, she was the hottest girl you had ever hooked up with.

"hey, you already up" Shane said, with an even deeper than usual morning voice, she came closer to you and offered you the cup "I was making myself coffee and I made some for you too, if you want it"

"oh, thanks" you said as you took the coffee and leaned back on the bed, sipping it and letting out a soft sigh of pleasure "I really needed that, thank you again, you really didn't have to"

Shane looked at you while taking a long drag on her cigarette, the morning light perfectly illuminating your face and your locks with a serene aura. Then her gaze went a little lower, discovering your bare body covered only by the almost sheer sheets.

"my pleasure" she responded to your gratitude with an alluring manner, giving you her very renowned Shane smirk.

You looked down at your cup, chuckling when you realized what was written in it.

"Best. lesbian. ever."

"nice mug you have here" you said, turning it around to show her the quote, making her laugh too "i'm gonna need the address of the place where you got this. immediately"

"I have no idea 'cause I actually didn't bought it" she responds to your request "it was a joke from my friend, she gave me that as a birthday gift last year"

"the quote is true tho" you remarked, still chuckling as Shane drew nearer, giving you a cute peck on the lips. "hell yeah it is" she purred, planting another kiss upon you, her passion and eagerness growing with each passing moment.

You reciprocated with the same initiative, as Shane put out her almost finished cigarette on the ashtray that laid on the nightstand. Both of you left your mugs too, quickly forgetting the coffee.

You sat up on your forearms and Shane crawled up over you, placing one of her hands on the mattress while the other one moved to your nape, deepening the kiss.

You placed your hand on Shane's waist, caressing the soft flesh as her kisses went lower, nibbling upon the sensitive skin of your neck and licking the already dark marks from last night.

Her hands traced lower, softly gripping your breasts and she separated from the kiss to attach her mouth to your nipple, sucking on it and squeezing the other.

She slowly moved towards your legs, her body getting closer until she was on her knees in front of you. As she did that, she gave you a look full of lust, her lips kissing and her hands gripping the supple flesh of your inner thighs.

With each second passing, the dampness in your panties grew more, yearning to be pleased. As a reflex, you attempted to close your legs, but her strong grip kept them firmly in place.

"be a good girl and spread your legs" she deeply whispered, and you complied without complaint. Her voice slightly muffled by her lips grazing your thighs, getting closer and closer to your sensitive spot.

You audibly moaned as her tongue touched the drenched fabric of your undergarments, licking a long stripe and sucking your wetness. Her teeth grasped the waistband of your panties, slowly drawing them down your legs with her mouth.

The sight was absolutely alluring, and turned you into a whimpering mess. Her hands squeezed your flesh once more and her mouth met your bare pussy, eliciting a resounding gasp from your lips.

She began to suck loudly on your clit as your head fell back in ecstasy, your eyes darted shut as you firmly grip her hair.

"Fuck! don't stop" you moan and as if that weren't enough, her deft fingers found their way to your sensitive nipple, teasing and twisting it.

“you like that, baby?” she whispered, her deep voice muffled by your pussy. The room was filled with the sultry wet sounds, causing you to writhe beneath her touch.

“oh god Shane” your moans only seem to heighten her desire, making her more eager, almost pussy drunk. She eats you out like she is a woman starved, and you are her last meal.

A broken "fuck" escaped from your lips the moment when her hot tongue started intercalating between fucking you and flattening against your clit, knowing that it was over for you.

Somehow, she delves her fingers into the mess and the overwhelming stimulation quickly drove you to the edge, making you cum all over her mouth with loud and broken whimpers, one of your hands gripping the sheets and the other roughly pulling Shane's hair.

A shiver courses through your spine when she used her tongue to clean up every last drop of your release, her fingers still inside of you, moving slowly to extend your high as much as possible.

After you calm down from your high, Shane hovered over you and pressed sweet kisses on your open, breathless mouth. She removed her fingers and sucked them clean before helping you pull up your panties again.

"i love the way you taste" Shane whispers in your ear, and you swore you could hear her smirk. You were just about to reply, but you both stopped your movements at the loud sound of knocking on the door.

"cominggg" Shane lazily said, putting on the first pair of pants and socks she found laying on the floor. She walked out of the room and the next thing you heard was the door creaking open.

"hey Shane, sorry to wake you up" a womanly voice says "I just dropped by to ask you if you could give me back my bra from yesterday, it's my favorite"

"oh, hey Laura.. uhh yeah, jus gimme me one second and I'll look for it" you hear Shane say as you felt her footsteps coming near the room.

You can't help being embarrassed, it makes you feel kinda ridiculous laying naked in a bed that yesterday was filled for another girl, so you start putting your clothes on and grabbing one of Shane's cigarettes, lighting it and taking a drag.

"It shouldn't bother me so much. it was just a one time thing. with a stranger. It doesn't mean anything, so why do I feel like this? god im so fucking stupid" your mind echoed while you got dressed as fast as you could.

Shane walked into the room, not even looking at you and just focusing on finding that piece. She opened a drawer and took out a pink, lacy, probably D-cup bra and just walked out. Your mind couldn't find a moment where you had felt more uncomfortable than this.

"found it, there you go" you heard her say "thanks babe, call me later" the girl replied.

"sure.... see you around" Shane responded, and you can quickly feel her closing the door and her steps coming closer again. You took a drag of your cigarette and grabbed your purse.

"hey hey, you are going already?" Shane confusedly leaned on the door frame while you were putting your clothes on, her eyes still lingering at your body.

"um, yeah" you responded while your mind struggled to make an excuse and tried to sound the most unbothered it could. "I forgot I have... a deadline today, so yeah.... i'm out, sorry"

"oh, ok" she said, kinda weirded out by your sudden attitude, but still understanding. You took another long drag, trying to figure out your next words.

"hope I see you around, some of these days" you say as you turn around to put out your cigarette in the ashtray. Your words were genuine, but at the same time you didn't know if you wanted to see her again. Your head was a complete mess.

"yeah, me too" she got closer to caress your check and give you a peck on the lips, smiling at you. You swore you saw her eyes slightly glint, but didn't give it too much importance.

You both said your goodbyes with a bittersweet taste on your mouths and as soon as you were on the elevator, you took out your phone and called your best friend Alice.

"Hey Al, wanna go to the Planet for coffee in like, 10 minutes?"

"so yeah, all that happened" you and Alice were sitting at a small table outside, both with coffees in your hands.

"well, that explains the hickeys all over your neck" she said, pointing out the dark fresh marks decorating your neck and collarbones.

"oh my god, are they THAT obvious?!" you responded covering your neck with your hands, completely embarrassed.

"I noticed them as soon as you walked in, you are gonna have to invest on some good concealer or a scarf" you laughed at her remark, but your laughter stopped the moment you saw Shane walking in.

"fuck, that is the girl I hooked up with last night!" you whispered to Alice, pointing at her under the table and trying to hide your face. Al turned to look at Shane's direction, and then turned again to look at you with wide eyes and a shocked expression.

"Shane?! You arrived from New York one fucking week ago and Shane already fucked you?? this is so fucking ridiculous, its like she has a radar for every girl she hasn't fucked yet!"

"shut up, Al! shit, she's coming, act normal" you said, freaking out.

"hey guys, didn't expect to see you here" Shane said, greeting you with a confused look on her face. Then, her eyes fell to your neck, noticing the dark hickeys and smirking.

"um, yeah... I just decided to grab a quick coffee with my friend on the way, Shane, this is Alice- " you nervously said.

"yeah, I know, we are very close" Shane says "unfortunately" Alice replies.

"well, see you both around, wish you luck with your deadline y/n" she says with a kind of sarcastic tone and turned around to go with Marina, Shane's shot of espresso already in her hand.

"what a tiny and crazy little world" you say, trying to process everything that happened in just an hour.

"crazy, yes.. but not tiny" Alice responds with a smirk on her face, already thinking of linking you to Shane and expanding her board.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

clic to read pt.1!

guysss please let me know if you want a part 3 and I will happily write it! I already have a lot of ideas. Hope you enjoyed and I'm very grateful for every repost, like or share you want to give.

(sorry again if there's any spelling or writing mistakes)

#lesbian #lesbian pride #lgbtq #shane mccutcheon #the l word #shane mccutheon smut #shane the l word #l word generation q #shane l word #sapphic smut #saphic #wlw love #shane x reader #shane mccutcheon x reader #lesbian shot

[starsomens]

Omg hi!!! I saw your requests are open and I got excited, do think you think you could do headcanons on what would noah be like as a boyfriend?? Have a lovely day/night💕

Disclaimer❗️: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION!!! Please do NOT take this literally or spread false information, this is a work of what my thoughts on this topic is!!

Note: hello (: hope you enjoy

For me I see him as someone very dominant, but also soft about it!

It’ll be like, say someone who was clearly into you sits next to you a hit too close he’d probably tell/ask you to switch seats because he knows it’s for the better good in the situation

A hoodie boyfriend for sure!

Will complain about you taking them but loves seeing you wear them

Will either game with you or have some kinda of physical touch on you on you while he games. So you feet in his lap or sitting in his lap. Once he sees you’re asleep he’ll quiet down or just get off game completely and just get you to bed

He has a habit when he’s writing songs. Hell do it around you and look to you for visual inspiration. Describing physical appearances that being in lyrics to him

“What are you smiling about?” You would ask

“Oh nothing” he’d always response and just finish a lyric . And if it’s not included in music he’ll just keep them in a notebook (:

Will definitely have some kind of gesture he does while on stage when he knows your watching. Might a hand gesture, or a word, something that is significant to you that he’ll do on stage. A way of tributing his work to you 

Big on forehead kisses!

Despite what google says I KNOW this man is a good 6-6’3. I’m 4’12 and I can tell a 6 footer a mile away. Hence, with that height he loves to kiss the mom first contact of skin your forehead or even the top of your head

Either just some pecks on your head or he’ll tilt your head up more towards him so he can plant a good on with lots of emotion and love

If he’s out in another state or even country touring and feels lonely, will email you a plane ticket for you to get there

“Noah why do I have a flight booked for tomorrow at 6 am?”

“….I won’t have my morning wake up WIRH you”

Honestly would hate the start of a tour because it meant saying goodbye to you (sometimes!) the last one to get in the flight/tour bus because he’s saying goodbye to you

I can picture him to be someone who’s like clingy with you, but more when he knows he won’t see you for a while.

GETS GIDDY AND EXCITED WHEN YKU SURPRISE HIM AT CONCERTS

Afterwards he’s just all smiles

Would definitely let you do make up on him and criticize it afterwards 💀

“The eyeliner isn’t even”

“What?? Yes it is you’re looking at it wrong”

“NUH UH-“ I’m sorry

Will wear matching animal ear headbands to do skincare with you .

100000% you’re the FIRST person outside of the band to hear a song when it’s complete. And takes your comments to better his music

Pet names: babe, baby, princess, sweet

For some reason he says stink for cringy/joke

Let’s your paint his nails (:

Will tease you to no end! He knows how much of an effect he has on you and will use it to his advantage. If he’s in his tank top around the house he’ll do the doorframe lean and just stare at you with a smirk and he LOVES seeing you get flustered

I think he also LOVES when you do his hair. So buns, just brushing it, braiding it, just anything from you to his hair

Will secretly try and match your closet so you can be a cute matching couple. But won’t say it as if he planned it

“Oh look we’re matching! Cool!” And just keep on with his day

Jolly is defiantly one to tease him about how much he loves you. And he’ll do it at least twice a day if he sees you

“He always wants to be the cool, and tough guy, but we all know he’s head over heels for you”

Or he’ll tell you how he smiled at his phone today cuz you were calling him

I think he may be the type to have a symbolic tattoo on him for you if it was a very solid and long term relationship

Over all a 1000/10 boyfriend :)

「✨taglist✨」 -

#noah sebastian x reader #noahsebastian #noah sebastian #bad omens cult #bad omens #bad omens band #badomens #noah sebastian davis #requsts #star’s anons✨

[mangogobibiboo]

Bokuto Dreams of You

TimeSKIP!Bokuto x Reader

Warnings: Minor bodily injury, and flufff

Synopsis: Bo has a little crush on a medical team member, but he can't seem to do anything about it.

“ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ʀᴇᴀʟ. ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍɪɴɢ.”

Dreams are interesting. They are a way to live out their wildest fantasies without the constraints of reality. Things don't need to make sense; they need to fill a desire or give your brain something to do while resting. Whether for comfort, love, adventure, horror or just plain fun, it is up to the dreamer.

For the past few months, Bokuto has been plagued with the same dream almost every night. The only time he didn't have this dream was when he was so exhausted from his day that he would be asleep before his head even hit the pillow. The dream would always go the same. He would be in practice, he would run up to hit the ball, and he'd miss. That itself was not surprising. It happens. But then the ball would hit his head and go over the net. The middle blocker on the other side would slam the ball down in the heat of the moment, not taking into account that it would hit Bokuto in the head again. With the second impact of the ball hitting his head, Bokuto is then knocked to the floor, unconscious. When he opens his eyes, he sees you checking his eyes, asking if he is okay.

Now, why would he be dreaming about you? You were the intern doctor who had joined the Jackels medical team. As soon as this boy laid eyes on you, he was head over heels. You were just so thoughtful and kind in his eyes, and you were also the first person to make him feel nervous. Bokuto was usually boisterous, proud, and outgoing; he had the utmost confidence in himself, but when it came to asking you out, he froze.

It's sad to admit, but he thought he wasn't good enough for you. He had barely gotten by with passing grades in high school, and he opted not to go to college to spare himself the torture of more school. You, on the other hand, were always praised for your intelligence. You had done your best in school and worked to graduate medical school with the best grades possible. Not to mention, you were also a couple of years older; you seemed so mature and sophisticated to him.

Bokuto had just woken up; he lay there staring up at the ceiling. He was kind of disappointed to wake up if he was honest. That was genuinely unusual; it was game day. He was always so excited for game day. But he wanted to spend more time with you. Turning over to face his alarm clock, it read 6:30 a.m. So it was still about two hours till he had to be up. But if he got up now, he could help you carry the medical supplies to the bus.

You were the newbie, so you got stuck with the scut work, and you always insisted on taking all your medical supplies in one trip, no matter how much there was. Bokuto had seen you shuffle in the gym many times with your arms full of first aid kits and boxes of other medical things he didn't know the name of, but he had seen them plenty of times.

It was one of your hauls to the bus two months ago that this puppy crush sparked. You bumped into him. You didn't even look up, opting to gather your supplies instead. When he crouched down to help you, he saw you look up in shock. You admitted that you had thought he was a matted wall. The supplies were piled at least half a foot above your head, so it wasn't much of a stretch.

The thought of you waddling around, looking like that, made him giggle a little as he made his way into the gym, looking for you. He had only missed you by a few minutes; you were already setting this up in the medical room.

"Need any help?" he pokes his head through the door with the brightest smile he could muster.

"Ah! Bokuto! I told you not to scare me like that anymore." You fain a pout as you look back at him from your place atop the step stool. "But yes, I do. Could you hand me the things in that box so I can put them away?"

He set down his duffle bag and made his way over to you.

"You know, Bokuto, I've been wondering, why do you always help me in the mornings? Don't you have some extra practice you want to get in?"

That caught him a little by surprise…was it too soon to admit the real reason he's been helping you?

"O-Of course. I only got to do 100 spikes after practice yesterday. But no one is here early enough to practice with me." he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

'Only !?' It always amazed you how Bokuto could say the most extraordinary things in the most ordinary way. He was truly one of a kind. You smile to yourself as you put the boxes in their place.

"Shoyo probably would if I asked him…" he trailed off the last part, realizing his cover was blown if he finished the thought. "But he's not as good at setting as Tsumu Tsumu, so it wouldn't help much." Nice save.

"Hey, do you know when the season is ending?" You keep your face toward the cupboard, only glancing at him.

"Hmm ya, it sucks; Omi said we have two months left. I wanted it to last longer."

"Well, maybe going out to dinner sometime after the season ends would make it suck less?" He looks up at you with a bit of confusion, but that is quickly replaced with a big smile.

"Yeah, the team is going for a barbeque after our last game! So that does make it suck a little less!"

"That's not what I meant." You laugh, quickly losing your nerve. "I was trying to ask you out. You know- like on a date." You still refused to face him; you chewed your lip, waiting for a response.

Suddenly, Bokuto grabs you by the shoulders and turns you towards him. The stepstool had put you at his eye level. His eyes were wide, as bright as ever.

"Really? A Date!? With ME!?" He points at himself, making you laugh.

"God. coulda ya be any more uncool." Astumu's voice piped up from the doorway. Bokuto, to let you go immediately, huffed and crossed his arms on his chest like a toddler.

"Go away, Tsum-Tsum, you're ruining the moment!" Astumu scoffed and left the doorway. Bokuto turned his attention back to you. But it was too late; Atsumu had made it clear he was being uncool. Bokuto was a lot of things, but one thing he refused to be was uncool.

"Now, where were we?"

"Wait- NO, Bokuto, don't lean on that-" He had leaned onto a stack of boxes that you had yet to unpack in an attempt to pull a cool pose. Unfortunately, they weren't very stable, and as soon he put a little pressure on them, the whole stack tumbled on top of him. And one of the heavy boxes near the top definitely had landed on his head. Or at least you think it did, judging by the thump sound you heard.

You rush to him, moving the boxes out of the way, and place his head on your lap. "Are you okay?"

He seemed a little loopy. You had to tap his cheek a couple of times to get him to focus. "Tell me this is real. Tell me I'm not dreaming." He reached out and cupped your cheek; you nuzzled into his touch.

"Of course not, but you have to get up so I can check your head. If you have a concussion, you can't play today."

Luckily, he didn't have a concussion, and the game went great. The Jackels won. But what made that game so great was the good luck kiss he got from you before it started.

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #bokuto headcanons #bokuto x reader #hq bokuto #bokuto koutarou #bokuto scenarios #bokuto imagine #haikyuu fluff #bokuto x y/n #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto fluff #haikyuu bokuto #bokuto x you #bokuto x fem!reader

[ghostphys]

Update after a week of doing this:

So it’s finally update time! Thank you all for the support on my post about this, it really meant a lot!!

I’m going to list the pros and cons of my little experiment, then add a summary/TLDR at the end of the post. This is probably going to be quite a long post as it was definitely an interesting 5 days. P.S, if you have any questions please ask! I’m 100% willing to answer.

Pros:

• My time spent studying over doubled this week. This was the most obvious pro (and the one I was kind of hoping for the most) and I’m so proud of myself for how much I managed to get done. I studied for an average of 4hours/day, whereas before I was only doing 2.

• Studying felt so much more relaxing and productive at night. This probably contributed to the increase in studying; I found I enjoyed studying more, was able to pay attention for longer periods of time, and it started to feel less like a chore, and more like a hobby.

• I started to feel more present in the moment, especially on the bus travelling to/from uni. This wasn’t something I was really expecting, but I think also was partially a result of me deleting social media (which i can totally make another post on if that’s of interest). But where I used to sleep on the bus, or even just daydream, I started to read books, look over notes, and just feel a lot more present in general, which was a fresh of breath air honestly.

• I actually felt a lot less tired while at uni. I think this is most likely due to having been awake for a while before even travelling, so I had plenty of time to wake up. As someone who suffers from both physical and mental health issues, this was really important to me and i was so so much more focused during lectures and just generally wow it was amazing.

Cons:

• Although I found it easier to study, I dedicated a lot less time to keeping my room/study area tidy. I’m not sure exactly why this was, I think maybe just moving around to tidy up at 2/3am felt a bit wrong as I was scared to make too much noise? I think the way around this would be to just tidy right before sleeping at around 6pm, but this was probably my least favourite of the cons:(

• No time for social life outside of uni. Unless your friends are all also borderline nocturnal, then yeah if you are a person who loves going out etc then this is not the schedule for you. Fortunately for me my friends already know i sleep a lot, so most of our socialising happens in between lectures during uni time. (And by that I mean going to cafés and doing even more studying).

• It was kind of hard to figure out mealtimes? Eventually I settled on only having two meals a day, but just increasing portions sizes, and having more snacks in between. This is just what worked best for me, and this wasn’t a huge con tbh, just kind of confusing at first.

• It was so much easier to just hit snooze on my alarms. Because I didn’t have to worry about a bus to catch or anything forcing me to wake up, I found myself saying ‘just five more minutes’ way more times than I should have. I definitely slept in one day sadly. I think this is definitely preventable, I’m sure there are special alarm apps to help with this sort of thing, and i’ll probably be checking that out.

Summary/TLDR: This was such a fun experience for me, I’m really super proud of myself for trying this out and for improving my studying! All in all I definitely found this to be a positive experience, obviously that’s a personal thing so please don’t take my word to be truth! But just in my experience I really found it to help my mental aspect of studying as well as just physically doing more. Although my room got a bit messier, and I kind of just got disoriented about the time of day sometimes, I definitely think these are things that could have been fixed.

Disclaimer: I only tried this for a week which is definitely not enough time to fully change your sleep schedule, and I am obviously not a professional in this field or in research. This was just a fun little experiment and a chance for me to talk about my personal experience. I’m not encouraging this behaviour or saying it is healthy. (I am not informed about the effects on health this would have long term). Do not take some random person on tumblr’s experience as a holy grail of truth or something like that.

#physics #stem #stemblr #study aesthetic #study blog #study motivation #studyblr #studying #studyspo #women in stem #studyinspo #study tips #student life #student #adhd study tips #adhd studyblr #actually adhd #adhd

[broken-glowsticks]

What Once was Mine

Chapter 1 - When he was hers

Genre: Childhood friends, Eventual Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Love corner/love triangle, love rivals, Series. Not all chapters will be proofread!!

Warnings: 18+, mdni, mentions of sex and alcohol consumption, additional warnings will be added to individual chapters as needed.

Main • Next

Everyone knew Hwang Hyunjin. Of course they did, he was arguably one of the most gorgeous guys in town, and growing up with such a pretty face caused people to almost instinctively gravitate towards him. Instead of shrinking back from unwanted attention, this caused Hyunjin to flourish in charisma. He became a magnet, dazzling anyone and everyone with his sweet, effortless smile and crescent eyes. He was friendly, knowledgeable about every party in town, and casually flirty without somehow gaining any kind of negative reputation.

Everybody knew Hwang Hyunjin. But nobody knew him like you did.

The plush of his lips, the curve of his neck, the softness of his hair, how his frame is slender yet strong, how his arms felt wrapped around you. Sure, you weren’t the only girl to feel these things in general, but you didn't know of a single girl to feel these things twice, let alone the number of times you have.

You knew Hyunjin for a long time. Both your dad and his had hit it off at work and decided together to leave their company and start up their very own business together being painters.

It was just them two at first and money was tight, so to save themselves from having to hire babysitters they would instead drag Hyunjin and yourself along to help out whenever a no-school day landed on a secular work day.

It was awkward at first, two pre-teens with no previous painting experience being thrust together to paint fences or low house trimmings. But as time went on, the two of you began to grow used to each other and bonded over your shared fate of forced labor while your classmates got to stay home.

Eventually, your friendship would grow beyond your moments of labor and spill over to weekends and evenings. Your families would often share meals together and whenever the summers of your older years rolled around the two of you would often spend your days at eachothers houses, watching movies, hanging out in the backyard, swimming in the local creek or painting on canvases instead of walls in his bedroom.

You grew comfortable in each other's homes, rummaging through the fridge whether it was your own or not, lounging casually on the furniture, often climbing into each other's bed when one or both of you were tired and in need of a nap. Summers were your favorite time of year because summers were when you got Hyunjin all to yourself. Until high school started.

Suddenly, Hyunjin wasn't all yours anymore. His weekends and even some evenings were often filled with dates and parties. You never shared a class with him in school, so it wasn't odd not seeing him through the day - save for the friendly “hi” in passing between classes - but he would often walk you part of the way home every day.

Now, he would only hang out in the hallways or at the bus station with his clique. And while you stayed on with the painting business, becoming an official part-timer to earn some money, the company had grown enough that Hyunjin wasn't needed anymore. The only times you ever saw Hyunjin now were the occasional dinners your family and his would share together, assuming he even showed up, or when he would come visit your room in the middle of the night.

He would tap gently at your window, but you would always wake up. Hyunjin grew a little reckless before his final year of high school, often telling his parents he was at a friend's house when he was out partying or hooking up with a girl instead. And every time he was done, he would come to your room to sleep in your bed. The first time he ever did that, it startled you.

○●☆♡☆●○

“I can't go back home. Come on Y/N let me stay here just this once? Please?” He begged, his eyes sparkling. How could you say no to that?

You figured you'd just toss him a pillow and a blanket, and he'd sleep on the floor, so you let him in. Your heart almost stopped when he clambered into your bed, kicking off his shoes and yanking off his shirt.

“What are you doing?” You hiss, closing your window to avoid staring at his abs, when did he get abs?

“Getting comfortable so I can sleep? What are you doing just standing there?” He asked, pulling back the comforter.

“I… I thought you were going to sleep on the floor or something.”

“Why would I do that when there's a perfectly good bed right here?” He replied, lounging back onto the mattress, giving you an incredulous look. “What are you waiting for? Get over here. I'm freezing.”

“Hyunjin I can't-!” You began, turning to face him when he cut you off.

“What's the big deal, Y/N?” He asked, “we used to nap together all the time when we were kids.”

“Yeah, but this - this is different.” You stammer out.

“How?” He asked, holding eye contact with you. You couldn't come up with an answer.

‘Because you're different,’ you wanted to say, but the words died before they could pass your lips. Instead, you silently made your way back to your bed, sliding in once Hyunjin made room for you on the mattresses. The moment you made yourself comfortable, he pulled the comforter tightly around the two of you, pulling you close against him. You shuttered the moment your bodies met, he really was cold and he physically relaxed as he wrapped himself around you.

You couldn't help but be aware of how small your bed was and how you two would be pressed against each other all night. The thought made your heart hammer in your chest.

“I can feel how tense you are.” He murmured against your hair.

You didn’t know what to say to that. After all, why wouldn't you be tense? The boy who was once your closest friend, who you hadn't really gotten to spend any quality time with since you couldn’t remember when, suddenly shows up at your window in the middle of the night, asking to sleep here in your bed, and you're supposed to just be fine with that?

“Why? It's just me, Y/N.” Something about how he said this irked you. It irked you enough to make you say something.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean Hyunjin? ‘It's just you’?” You snapped, making him pull back in surprise, the emotion clear on his face. “Hyunjin, I don't know who you are anymore. I never see you anymore. And now you want to show up out of the blue and just act like nothing’s changed between us? Like you haven't been ignoring me basically since we started high school?”

“What do you mean I've been ignoring you? When have I ever ignored you?” He asked defensively.

“Oh come on, Hyunjin,” you say exasperated, sitting up and looking down at him. “You never say hi to me at school anymore, you stopped walking me home, you never spend any time with me! You're always with your friends or your girlfriend!” Part of you was worried you were being too loud, that your parents would come in and get the wrong idea from the scene they would encounter. Miraculously, nobody came.

“Why?” You asked after a beat of silence, your throat getting tight with the tears that had begun to well up. “Why did you just abandon me? Is it… Is it cause I'm not popular enough? Your girlfriend doesn’t like me? Cause I'm not pretty?” Your voice choked out as you began to cry, your hands coming to your mouth to stifle your sobs.

Hyunjin laid there stunned. He couldn't believe himself. Did he really make you feel so abandoned? From his point of view, he wasn't going out of his way to ignore you or anything like that. To him, the two of you just didn't have any classes together. He never saw you in the halls, you never shared the same group of friends, and you two didn't work together anymore. Sure, he would hang out with his friends a lot, but he always made it a point to make it to the weekly dinners his and your families would have.

Well… maybe he's missed the last two… or three… okay, maybe four?

Oh god, he has been neglecting you. What an asshole.

Running his hands over his face before sitting up, Hyunjin only now realized exactly how badly he fucked up. Hesitantly reaching out, he first placed a hand on your shoulder to gage your reaction. You slightly jumped at the sudden contact but when he saw how you didn’t pull away he slowly wrapped his arms around your slightly trembling frame, once again pulling you close to hold you gently as you cry.

“I'm sorry…” he whispered, rubbing your shoulder gently. “I didn't realize I had pulled away so much. I didn't mean to, I just- I got so wrapped up in my own thing and just kind of took for granted that you'd always be there.”

Gingerly he moved his arms from around you and took your face in his hands, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. “It wasn't because you're not popular, or because of some girlfriend- which i don't have, by the way. I just thought you were okay because you had your friends at school and your job and your family. I… I figured you were just as busy as I was, so I didn't need to reach out cause we would see each other whenever our parents all got together. But that wasn't fair of me to do to you.”

“I missed you.” You managed between sobs.

“I know that now, I'm sorry.” He said gently, placing his forehead against yours. “I'm so, so sorry Y/N. Please, forgive me and I'll never leave you alone again.”

You didn’t believe him. How could you? He already left you once, what's to stop him from doing it again? But a part of you hoped, a part of you wanted to believe him. Like you said, you missed him. So you agreed.

“If… if you do. I know where you live, Hwang Hyunjin.” You stutter out, trying your best to sound menacing while weakly glaring.

All this did was make Hyunjin laugh softly as he closed his eyes, savoring the warmth of your skin against his. How could he have forgotten how your very presence comforted him, how all the years you've spent together, all the memories, would wrap around him like a blanket?

“Can I still sleep here even though I made you cry?” He joked once your breathing calmed, managing to get a chuckle out of you.

“Yes,” you said with a shaky breath, “yes, you can.”

“Good.” He grinned with that dazzling smile of his as the two of you resumed your snuggled position from earlier.

“And for the record,” he said as he began to run his fingers through your hair, “I think you're stunning. You're absolutely beautiful Y/N, okay? So don't ever say you're not pretty ever again.”

It was from that night onwards that Hyunjin would come to see you in the dead of night, either because he needed a place to stay after a party or a hookup, or just because he missed you.

He was still as busy as ever, being Mr. Popular and all, but he kept his promise and tried to carve out time for you whenever he could aside from visiting you in the night, even if that was just saying “hi” in the halls or after school. He would also make it to dinner every single week, without fail, something your parents all delighted in. It seems you weren't the only one who missed seeing Hyunjin around.

One other thing he started doing ever since that night was he started calling you by a little nickname, one that made your friends question when you suddenly started dating the Hwang Hyunjin.

“What? No, we're not dating. We used to be really close when we were younger and just reconnected, that's all.” You told them as nonchalantly as possible.

“Yeah, ok, sure Y/N, whatever you say.” One of them said, not fully believing you. “But uhm… did he always use to call you ‘Beautiful’?”

○●☆♡☆●○

“Shh, quite Beautiful, we don't want to get caught.” Hyunjin murmured as he continued the leisurely roll of his hips, repeatedly hitting your sweet spot despite his warning.

As much as you attempted to keep quiet, you could still hear the soft echo of your escaping moans bouncing through the mirrored walls of the dimly lit dance studio. To help keep you quiet, Hyunjin moved his kiss swollen lips from the slope of your neck to your mouth, slipping his tongue between your lips. You kissed back eagerly, grateful for the attempt at finding something other than the sensation of Hyunjin pulling out agonizingly slowly only to bottom out with the same infuriatingly unhurried pace, torturously fucking you into the wall, watching how long you could endure.

Your mind was starting to go fuzzy when Hyunjin pinned your hand to the wall by your head, a subtle hint that you knew meant he was close.

Entwining your fingers together, Hyunjin held your hand firmly, growling as he dropped his head to rest on your shoulder, lifting your leg that was wrapped around his waist in search of a better angle. He suddenly wanted, no, needed to hear you screaming his name as languid thrust grew erratic.

You were close to cumming yourself, so close, you just needed a bit more, he could feel it. Dropping your hand to wrap both of his around your thighs, he gathered his strength before lifting you off the floor entirely. You couldn't help but gasp, impressed with this show of strength. You sometimes forgot just how strong he was.

“Come on Beautiful, cum for me.” He said, his voice hoarse and his thrusts turning sudden, quick and aggressive, his dick mercilessly slamming into you.

Wrapping your arms tightly around his shoulders you felt your walls tighten and flutter around him as you hit your limit, cumming hard around his cock. But he didn't stop, instead speeding up. You were starting to become over-stimulated, gasps and moans carelessly spilling out of you as Hyunjin chased his own orgasm.

“Say my name Beautiful. I'm so close to cumming, I just need to hear you.” He rasped out and you couldn't help but readily comply with his request, forcing yourself to form the sounds it took to call out for him instead of making the incoherent noises you were making before.

Your worn and fucked out voice was all it took for him to finally cum, the sensation shaking his body as he rode out his orgasm inside you.

Unable to hold you up anymore he set you down as gently as he could, sliding out of you to quickly remove his condom and adjust his clothes. This gave you a moment to do the same, dressing yourself with shaky hands as Hyunjin did away with the evidence of what just happened.

“You okay Beautiful?” Hyunjins voice pulled you from your daze and he couldn't help but chuckle at the absolutely adorable expression on your face. It almost made him want another go.

“Yeah, I'm good.” You said, managing a smile despite how tired you felt. Feeling the wall for the light switch you squinted once the bright, fluorescent lights came alive, your eyes not wanting to adjust as Hyunjin made his way back to your side to pull you into his arms.

“Thank you for coming, I needed the stress relief.” He said as he kissed your hair, pulling you over to a table that sat in an alcove towards the corner of the dance studio, his desk.

“I needed it too,” you admitted, letting Hyunjin sit in his desk chair as you elected to sit on his desk where he had you moments earlier, his head buried between your legs.

“Work has been a lot?” He asked with a tip of his head, his hands resting comfortably on his stomach as he began swiveling his chair.

“Oh like you wouldn't believe!” You huffed, fishing out the hand-held mirror Hyunjin kept in his desk just for you and began scanning your reflection to fix any smudged makeup.

If anybody walked in right now, they never would have guessed that you two were doing anything other than hanging out based on Hyunjin alone. Being a dance instructor made it easy to dismiss Hyunjins' disheveled appearance and noticeable, glistening skin. You, however, still had to go through the extra effort of making yourself look presentable.

“My boss just loves to pile on the work. I miss working for our dads. It was such an easy job, and they never breathed down my neck.” You complained, giving a frown when you heard Hyunjin snicker next to you. “Don't laugh. We can't all work our dream job.”

“It's just funny. You're the one who was so excited to get out from under our dads, but now you're realizing just how good you had it with them.” He teased as he slid his desk chair in front of you to help you straighten up.

“As if you didn't do the same.” You pout.

“Oh, I didn't complain while I was working with them.” He shot back, reaching out to wipe a smear of lipgloss you had missed from the corner of your lips. He got you there.

A phone alarm caught your attention, causing you to heave a heavy sigh.

“Time to go.” You said.

“Or you could always stay and sit in.”

“No thanks. I'm not really in the mood for any more dating allegations from your younger students. And I'm definitely not in the mood for your thirsty ass adult students glaring at me.”

“Come on, baby, stay. You could hang out in the staff lounge.” He offered.

“Pet names like that is why people think we're dating, you know.”

“I think the new guy likes you, could give you two a chance to get acquainted.”

“Pass.”

“Boo… fine.” Hyunjin said with a pout as he flopped back into his chair, a hand melodramatically clutching at his heart. “Go ahead, leave me. It's obvious you don't love me anymore.”

“Yeah, because it's not like I drove over an hour from home to see you or anything.” You scoff as you slip off the desk, poking him playfully on the forehead and laughing at how he acted like you had just punched him square in the face.

Hyunjin had moved from your small town to the nearby city to attend college and became a permanent resident when he got his job at an all-ages dance studio. Meanwhile, you stayed in your hometown and moved into an apartment with your high school friend Jisung, but you would come and see Hyunjin whenever you missed him and he had time to spend with you. Lately, those moments have started to become fewer and further apart.

“Do you really have to go home?” He asked as you did one final once over of your reflection in the dance studio mirrors.

“Unfortunately. I promised Ji I'd join him and the guys for karaoke tonight. I'm already going to be late cause I decided to stay here longer instead of leaving this morning like I planned.”

Hyunjin frowned, draping himself over your shoulders in defeat. He wanted to whine, to make you stay, to not have to give you back, but he didn't want to keep you from your friends. Especially not when you already made the commitment to spend time with them. He nuzzled his face into your shoulder, and you knew he was going to walk you out this way. Luckily for you, though, he only took you so far as the front door of the building.

“Promise me you'll come see me again soon, okay, Beautiful?” He whispered into your ear before letting you go.

“I promise.” With a kiss to his cheek, you were out the door and to your car. You didn't want to admit this, but you were eager to be on your way back home. As much as you loved spending time with Hyunjin, recently, he's been too busy to see you or even really talk to you. You knew it wasn't his fault, he loved putting his all into his job and deserved a social life outside of your friendship, so you decided to try to busy yourself by spending more time with Jisung and his friends.

You loved spending time with them, with all of them, of course, but mostly one of them in particular.

#hyunjin x reader #hyunjin #seo changbin x reader #changbin x reader #bang chan #lee felix #han jisung #hwang hyunjin x reader #smut #backstory #jealousy #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #stay #skz stay #what once was mine #Glow's ✨️ Fics #eventual established relationship #established relationship

[daintylovers]

i have another concept to add to anons list: sitting on friend/rival!mikes lap innocently and he gets hard 👁

as if the day couldn’t get any worse for mike. first he has to wake up at the ass crack of dawn all because of this stupid a.v. club meeting. he couldn’t even tell you why he was still president of the club, but whatever. then he saw you. turns out that the debate club also had to ride the charter bus today. just fucking great. but the cherry on top of that, was when the bus filled up too much and you got assigned to sit on mike lap.

sit on his lap?????? was that even allowed for high schoolers to do, i mean that’s not safe at all! and why him of all people?? did everyone just want to curse him?

then of course you talked his ear off all because you were nervous. you wouldn’t normally say this much to him. just a few snarky comments before going back to whatever the hell it was that you did. but now you felt you had to give him your full attention.

“doll, i love you and all, truly, but shut the fuck up.”

if i were you, i would have smacked the shit out of him. but of course, this debate tournament has your nerves fried so you didn’t think much of it. all you could think about was that something was definitely poking you, and also what strategy would be best to crush those little prep school bitches. both pretty important trains of thought, though i guess you could say one was more pressing than the other.

mike had noticed right away of your short little plaid skirt. every girl on the bus had one on, so it wasn’t some huge scandal. but when you mix short skirts, supposed enemies, and not enough bus seats, you get a rather hard mike. (fuck maybe he should start making some lemonades…)

he was praying you couldn’t feel him becoming so painfully hard. that’s why he said that to you, it was all so you could stay distracted.

and fuck this bus man, it keeps hitting every bump in the road. plus he keeps having to situate you on his lap, making his erection only ten times more unbearable. the grip he has on you hips is bruise like.

which of course now you start realizing what could be poking at you. the grip really gave it away. or maybe it was the harsh moan turned into coughing fit that mike was currently having.

it was like the bus driver was trying to get you both caught at this point. the skirt was doing nothing to hide your panties, so really there was only three layers between mike and yourself. the flimsiest layer of course resided on your messy cunt. you were soaked at this point. of course you still kept rambling, as not to raise suspicion. but you had a feeling that mike was becoming aware of just how turned on you were, because he started talking back in that way he always does. before he was kind of just absently ignoring you, but now?? now he was doing that stupid little smirk and saying things like “yeah princess? is that so?” and “bunny that’s got to be the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard.” and damn, he had loosened his grip so that he could start tapping at your hips, softly scraping the line of your underwear everytime his finger came down.

it had only been twenty minutes of your hour long drive, oh god help us all…

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things x reader #mike wheeler #mike wheeler x reader

[zerobaselove]

mon amour | seok matthew

pairing: tutor!matthew x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1294

warnings: none ! lowercase intended, not proofread

notes: this is so messy and completely self indulgent but i just think he's endearing.

“i just don’t get it,” you sighed, your head hitting the desk with a loud thud. 

this wasn’t the first time you had found yourself here, sitting in the library faced with an overwhelming amount of french notes you just couldn’t seem to comprehend. and you were certain at this rate it wouldn’t be the last. 

“here, what if i try explaining it in a different way?” 

seok matthew. the kind boy who had offered to tutor you after hearing from a mutual friend that you were struggling. you weren’t sure why he would even want to help you but you were thankful for him nonetheless. 

“it’s no use,” you let out another deep sigh, loud enough to draw the attention of some people around you. “the exam is tomorrow morning and i couldn’t even tell you the day of the week let alone all of this stuff.” 

“aujourd'hui c'est dimanche,” he beamed, only to be met with your deadpan look.  he couldn’t help but laugh at your expression, “it’s sunday.”

“i knew that, genius” 

he smiled once again and brought his hand up to ruffle your hair. “see, you’re smarter than you think!”

the comment made your face heat up more than you’d like to admit, and honestly you just hoped he wouldn’t notice. 

deciding to wrap it up a few hours later, you bid your farewells, only feeling a little more prepared than when you started the day. but it was better than nothing. 

the next day you woke up to a message from the boy you’ve started to grow fond of. 

maechu: good luck today, you got this! 

you couldn’t help a smile from spreading across your face at the kind message. you didn’t know when you started to smile so brightly from just his name on your phone but it had been creeping up on you the last few weeks and you weren’t sure what to do about it. 

but for now, you opted to reply to him, it was the least you could do. 

you: thanks matthew, for everything :] i’ll talk to you after! 

much to your surprise, the test didn’t feel to out of your skill level. maybe the tutoring actually was paying off. 

today had just been full of surprises, because who was there to greet you after your exam other than matthew himself. 

“what’re you doing here?” 

“c’mon” he grabbed your hand, tugging you down the hall, “we are going to celebrate!” 

before you could even respond you were being pulled out the front doors of the school and down to the bus stop. 

“will you at least tell me where we are going?” you questioned the boy, trying to keep it cool as you became increasingly more aware of your hand in his. 

he simply smiled and shook his head before catching a glimpse of the bus coming down the road and dragging you to two empty seats in the back. 

you found yourself people watching as the bus moved along, your hand now free from his grasp, and you couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. 

you were pulled out of your thoughts by a nudge on your arm, looking over to see an airpod as an offering. smiling to the boy, you put in the headphone and returned to looking out the window, this time accompanied by what you could only assume was a sam kim song. 

“psst, we’re here” 

your eyes opened to the feeling of being gently nudged by matthew, his hand back in yours as he led the two of you off the bus at your destination. 

you didn’t even remember falling asleep but you were sure you’d never forget the embarrassment of waking up after that. that was until you saw where he had taken you. a small park overlooking the river; it was still early in the afternoon so it was more empty and peaceful than usual, and this is exactly what you needed. 

now it was your turn to pull the boy somewhere, leading him to the nearby swing set, sitting beside each other as you rocked back and forth. 

“d’you like it?” 

“it’s perfect” you nodded, turning your view from the lake ahead to the boy beside you. 

before you knew it the sun was starting to set and the air had started getting chillier than you were dressed for, but you had no complaints. it had been nice to finally hang out with matthew outside of the dusty library, and the two of you got along even better than you could’ve thought. 

while you had no complaints, your body seemed to tell a different story, and matthew had seemed to notice; offering you his plaid jacket to protect you from the wind. 

before you could protest and say it wasn’t that cold, he had already draped the jacket over your shoulders before ruffling your hair once again. it had become a habit of his. 

“hey did you check your test score?” you were thankful he broke the silence, maybe he hadn’t noticed the way your cheeks flushed at the realisation of wearing his jacket. 

“oh it should be out now shouldn’t it?” you pulled your phone out of your pocket to check, but pausing before you could open the webpage. 

matthew seemed to take notice of your hesitation, “do you want me to check?” he laughed, getting a nod from you in return along with your phone. 

a smile spread across his face as he opened the results. 

“well is it good?” your curiosity was getting the best of you. 

“you got a 93!” he smiled, turning the screen so you could read it yourself. you couldn’t help but grab your phone to get a closer look, in absolute disbelief of the results. 

before your better judgement could stop you, you had your arms wrapped around matthews frame in a tight hug, mumbling a thank you as your face was pressed into him. 

it took a moment but matthew hugged you back even tighter, “it was all you, i told you you were smarter than you thought.” 

the adrenaline must’ve spread to matthew because next thing you knew you had both pulled away from the hug and he had planted a chaste kiss on your lips. 

“oh my god,” matthew quickly took a step back. “i’m so sorry, i-“ his face had begun to flush a deep crimson. “i don’t know what got into me i just-“ 

you couldn’t help but giggle at his panic, “matthew.”

he went silent, tilting his head to the side like a puppy dog, a small hum of confusion leaving his mouth. 

“kiss me again.” 

“what?” he managed to spit out, convinced he didn’t hear you right. 

you repeated yourself, taking a step closer to close the gap between you two. that seemed to work as he finally seemed to take the hint. his hand coming up to cup your cheek before connecting your lips in a gentle kiss, this time pulling away smiling from ear to ear. you were sure you were mirroring his expression as you reached up to plant a light kiss on his now flushed cheeks. 

“you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do that.” he smiled, taking your hand in his. 

“i could say the same,” you squeezed his hand, swinging them a bit as you walked. “let’s get back yeah?” 

it was his turn to let out a sigh, “do we have to?” 

you couldn’t help but laugh as you approached the bus stop. “wouldn’t you rather kiss me somewhere that isn’t cold?” 

“i’m not picky really, but does that mean i get to do it again?”

turning to the boy, you nodded. “only if you keep helping me study.”

“deal.”

#zerobaseone #zerobaseonefics #boys planet #boys planet fics #boys planet imagines #boys planet reactions #kpop #boys planet drabbles #zb1 #zb1 x reader #seok matthew imagines #zb1 imagines

[thatbanditqueen]

Bless Your Heart

An Elvis-o-Ween One Shot

A response to the month-long writing prompt for Halloween/Fall

Summary: It's 1957, and Jan's dreams come true when she gets invited up from the gate to join Elvis' parties at Graceland. But not all that glitters is gold, and this new social circle may have a few angels and demons among them.

Warnings: No real smut, suggestions of sex, but there is a teensy bit of scary gore at the end.... so no minors and be forewarned. This was a new experience for me, I easily could have written about Elvis romancing ghost girlies all month, but I wanted to challenge myself. Not sure if it worked but... here goes nothing.

You can check out last week's Elvis-o-ween here:

Little Blue Toes

WC: 6.8 K

6:05 p.m. Thursday, September 19, 1957

Graceland, Memphis TN

The evening sun was slowly turning red when Jan hopped off the bus, and it burned orange circles into the back of her eyelids. She shook them away, distractedly nodding at the driver as she turned her attention to the crowd down the block. The rolling hills of Whitehaven were still a deep green in the fall, but Jan hardly noticed and clutched her purse as she got closer to the gate. She tried not to be too obvious as she craned her head to see Graceland from the back of the crowd. It looked smaller than she had expected, a grey matchbox on a hill in the dusky twilight. Jan told herself that she would have to come back on the weekend, now that she knew how easy it was to get here. Now that she knew, after reading that article in the newspaper, that his fans regularly gathered in front of the house. She could plan her trip out better than she had today. After reading the newspaper at lunch, she had impulsively jumped on the bus to Whitehaven after work.  Feeling a pebble in her shoe, she was gracefully trying to hop on one foot and shake it out when two shadows loomed over her.

“See, told you it wasn’t Susie. She’s too dressed up.”

Jan squinted up at the girls in front of her.

“No, uh, not Susie.” She straightened her skirt and hesitantly stuck her hand out, grateful for the excuse to talk to someone. “Jan.”

“Heidi.” The blonde announced and tilted to the shorter brunette next to her. “And Arlene.”

“Y’all regulars?”

“Oh yeah, we come here all the time.” Arlene gushed. “We’re just waiting for him to finish breakfast and give Travis the signal.”

Jan looked through the white wrought iron gate up at house.

“What do you mean, wake up and give Travis the signal?”

“Oh, well, he sleeps through the day. Has breakfast round 4 or 5. Sometimes he’ll come sign autographs at the gate, but -” Arlene leaned in toward Jan and her eyes twinkled. “Uh, well, when he’s in town he likes us to be here in case he wants to have some people up for a party. He has parties most nights. We’re kind of in his gang -  OW.” Arlene grabbed her rib cage and hit Heidi back. “Hey, what gives?”

“You shouldn’t be bragging, Arlene, cuz we can't bring her with us and now she’ll feel left out.”

Jan smiled politely, and tugged at the pearl button on her white, linen gloves. “It’s ok - I gotta catch the last bus back home anyway.”

Jan wanted to ask the girls what Elvis was really like in-person. Before she could, though, a loud gasp filled the air and she was pushed into them as the crowd jostled closer to the gates. A tall dark figure strode down the drive dressed all in white. White dress shirt, white sport’s coat, white pants. He looked like an angel. Jan was absolutely mesmerizing and dropped her purse watching his hair flop up and down with each bounce of his white loafers. The kids around her shouted out “Hey Elvis” and cheered, but she couldn’t say a thing. She could barely breathe as her tummy flip flopped watching his mouth form into a crooked grin. She vaguely heard the other girls chatting next to her.

“I wonder if Anita Wood is up there?”

“Nah, she’s down in New Orleans at a beauty pageant, he told me last night.”

“You’re so lucky you don’t have a mom who treats you like a child, Arlene. What I wouldn’t give to stay until 2 or 3.”

The gates opened, and Jan ended up right behind Arlene and Heidi in the semi-circle around Elvis. No one pushed or prodded to tried to sneak past the guard house. It was all very civilized, and a jovial atmosphere percolated between the open gates as Elvis went from person to person, signing memorabilia and teasing the folks he met. When he made it to Arlene, Jan watched in awe as he drew her to him and pecked her sweetly on the ear, asking if she brought him his favorite cigars like she said she would. Jan would give anything to be in his gang. She would bring him all the cigars and if it meant he would hug her and kiss her and tease her too. But when his blue eyes flitted over to her, she found that her mouth had gone completely dry and she couldn’t say a word.

“Who’s ya friend with the big brown eyes?”

“Oh, that’s Jan. It’s her first time here.”

Elvis’ smirk deepened. “Cat got ya tongue?” He winked, kissing the top of Jan’s glove. “S’ok, honey. I don’t bite.”  Then his teeth grazed over her knuckle. “Much.”

Jan felt the air hitch in her throat at the way he looked at her from under his eyelids. She no longer needed her hand. He could have it. He could have anything he wanted.

Elvis chuckled. “Why, you’re as shy as a mouse. Got anything for me to sign, lil mousy?”

Jan stuttered and fumbled about in her purse for something, handing Elvis the first thing she found. Her sweaty, monogrammed handkerchief.

“I didn’t know I was coming today.” She whispered slowly, and her voice trailed off as she watched Elvis wipe his forehead with her hankie and pocket it with a wink.

“S’ok, lil gal, bring something tomorrow.” Then he whispered into Arlene’s ear and moved on through the crowd.

Arlene snaked her hand through Jan’s arm and led her toward the house. “Elvis wants you to come up to the party with us.”

Jan squeezed Arlene with a giggle, smoothing her hand over her skirt as they walked. The house got bigger and bigger as they strode up the drive and Jan realized that the round curve of the hill created an optical illusion that made it look small from the road. But now she found herself in front of a grand, Neo-colonial mansion. Large, white columns flanked the front of the house, and two white marble lions stood guard at the entrance way. It was like standing in front of a magical castle. Jan felt that she ought to be wearing a silk, red evening gown instead of her belted navy shirt dress.

They did not enter the front door. Instead, Arlene led Jan around the front of the house towards the sound of music playing and people laughing on a patio surrounding a large, shimmering pool. There was a gay crowd of young people drinking pop and mingling around. Heidi adopted a hushed, intimate tone as she pointed out the others in the gang.

“That’s Lamar, he’s always eager to please Elvis and does anything he asks - and so is Alan - the shorter stout one. That skinny little creep is Gene, and that’s Mack, he usually drives us home. The guy next to him is Richard and that’s Frances, our friend, I’m not sure how she already got up here - “

“- is she going with Elvis?”

Arlene chimed in. “Well, he’s seeing a few girls. There’s a singer, Anita, who he steps out with pretty regularly. But me, Heidi and Frances, we’re just his friends. EP is a very physical person. Likes to love on all the gals. That’s just the warm, sweet kinda guy he is. Sometimes he’ll pull me on his lap, and give me a little kiss.”

“Lucky girl.” Jan murmured.

“Mmm.” Arlene answered. “I’d rather be friends with him than date him.”

 “Really? Why’s that? Don’t you find him attractive?”

“Of course, Elvis is the most!” Heidi looked at Jan as if she had questioned the existence of gravity. “But, well, once he goes all the way with a gal, he almost never wants to see her again. His dates come and go. But his friends, well, we’re forever.” Heidi exchanged a knowing glance with Arlene.

“Like Susie.”

Heidi clicked her tongue. “Pretty sure Anita’s got her knees sewn shut til she gets a wedding ring.”

“Well, I keep my knees shut too.” Arlene interjected. “I don’t even know why any girl would want to go to bed with Elvis when they can kiss him as much as they want. There couldn’t be anything better than kissing Elvis.”

Jan raised her eye brow, thinking of a hundred other things that she could imagine doing with Elvis. But she kept them to herself and smiled, hanging back to straighten the lines on her hose as the girls joined the party. She had just finished putting the right leg in place when she looked between her legs to find Elvis watching her. His cheeks flushed, and he bite his lip before walking over. All Jan could do was sigh as he grabbed her by the waist and introducing her to everyone around the pool.  His guests, his housekeeper, Alberta, and then his mother who was just about to go inside. Mrs. Presley hugged Jan tightly and thanked her for coming to visit them, adding in a high, chipper voice.

“I’m so glad my baby is making friends like you, I can tell you have a  kind heart, Janice. I really can.”

“Nice of you to say, Mrs. Presley ma’am. I like to think I have kind heart.”

“What’s this about a sweet lil ol’ heart?”

The two women turned to find a petite blonde in the doorway behind them.

“Oh Anita.” Mrs. Presley took the blonde’s hand. “I was just saying to Jan here, how glad I am to know her. She is a good, sweet girl. I’m so glad you get to meet her, I thought you were out of town. Can I get you some food.”

The blonde smiled and licked her teeth, her blue eyes looked Jan over with a cool smile. “Thank you ever so, Mrs. Presley, but I just ate and I’m fit to bust if I swallow another morsel.”

Mrs. Presley smiled. “Well, I just know you two will be thick as thieves. Be good little babies.” She hugged them together tightly once more before saying good night.

Jan could not stop herself from staring at Anita. Her platinum blonde hair shone in the silver light and her short, busty figure filled out a tight, pink wiggle dress. Her creamy white skin was so radiant Jan would have sworn it was glowing and the contrast made her luscious red lips stand out all the more. Some of Anita’s red lipstick had smudged around her mouth and on her front teeth, and Jan pointed to her own mouth to mime helpfully.

“Why, bless ya heart,  you really are the sweetest thang looking out for me. And you’re so pretty too. I could just eat ya up!” Anita squealed as she pulled out a compact and fixed her lipstick. “I cain’t tell you how many other girls would just let me walk around looking like a fool all night.”

“They’re probably jealous, I, uh, heard you’re Elvis’ girlfriend.”

Anita pursed her lips in a tight smile. “Sometimes I think everyone knows that ’cept him. Excuse me.”

Jan walked back over to where Arlene and some of the other girls were huddled around a bucket of pop watching Anita stomp over to where Elvis stood with his arm around a cute redhead while Lamar told stories about the drive home from LA.

Arlene handed Jan a Dr. Pepper. “I see you met Anita, I could have sworn she was supposed to be at a beauty pageant in New Orleans.”

“Look, I think she’s had her nose done.” Heidi gasped. “Or, well, something is different - she looks prettier than the last time I saw her. I wonder if there even was a beauty pageant. Maybe her plastic surgeon is in New Orleans.”

Jan looked at Heidi as she spoke. “You don’t like her very much, huh?”

“She’s too possessive, and she tries to chase us off. You should have seen her trying to convince Arlene that she should go back to Chicago.” Heidi kicked the pavement with her saddle shoe. “Too bad for her, Elvis wants us here. And I plan to hang around as long as I can.”

Just then, the record changed on the jukebox and The Five Satins song. “In the Still of the Night” began to play. Jan looked over and blushed when Elvis caught her eye staring at him. Yes, I plan to stick around as long as I can too, she thought to herself, looking down at her feet. The mischievous way Elvis raised his eyebrows at her made her feel funny and she couldn’t handle looking at him for too long without grinning like a mad woman.

The night went on and Jan’s whole body tingled from the heady mix of music, moonlight and raw, unadulterated exposure to Elvis under the stars at Graceland. Sitting out in the cool night air, caught between the twinkling night sky and the glimmering pool, Jan felt as though she had finally arrived. The evening had turned out to be more magical than she could ever have imagined. She hated to pull herself away, but she gave in at midnight and went to call a cab.

The kitchen was dim this late at night, illuminated only by the soft lights above the stove, and Jan finally found a phone book in a drawer under the cupboards. She was leaning against the counter, flipping through the pages when two hands startled her working their way around her waist. She glanced over her shoulder to find a dark mop of hair grazing her cheek. Then Elvis’ breath was warm on her ear.

“Looks like I caught a lil mousy.” He slowly turned her around to face him, grinning at the way she blushed. Then his eyes fell on the phone book and his lips turned into a frown. “Ain’t going, are ya lil gal? Why, it’s still early. Ain’t had the chance to learn all ya secrets yet.” He winked as he said this, and it made Jan’s heart melt.

She would have told him anything he asked. If she could talk, that is. It was difficult for to do that when she looked into Elvis’ earnest wide-eyed stare. She could hear the party out on the patio, there must have been over thirty people here who wanted to be near him. However, to look at his pouting lips and feel the needy caress of his thumb at her waist made Jan feel as though she was the only person in the world and she was letting him down by deserting him.

“I, um, I have to be at work at 7:30 tomorra.” She stuttered, staring at the floor just to be able to get the words out. “It’s time for me to turn into a pumpkin, I guess.”

Elvis rubbed her cheek. “Aw heck, I guess that’s s’ok. I’ll get Mack to drive you home.” He paused, eyelashes fluttering down for a moment. “But, uh,  you can’t leave before telling me a few of your secrets.”

“Like what?”

“Like, say, how old are you anyway, huh, lil mouse?” His thumb now rolled over her belt buckle, rubbing her stomach back and forth along the edge.

Jane’s face turned a bright, beet red as she stuttered out her response. “Um, I’m 18.”

“In school?”

She shook her head. “Just finished. I - I’m at Goldsmiths, in the steno pool.”

“Hate to think of these poor lil fingees, banging away all day.” Elvis took her hand, examining her fingers. “Didn’t even know a department store needed a steno pool.

“Um, well, uh - we’re in the business offices on the 18th floor. Most people, they, uh, they never see us.”

“That’s the only floor I wanna see, from now on. ‘specially if all the lil gals up there are as cute as you.” Elvis’ ran his hand through his hair, smirking at the way Jan blushed even harder. Their eyes were locked for a moment, and his forehead dropped on to hers as he murmured in a boyish voice.

“Sorry I didn't get to sign nothing for you, like ya wanted. Come back tomorrow?”

Jan nodded.  Elvis kissed her on the cheek and put her into Mack’s car, leaving her with a mouth stuck open in giddy disbelief the whole ride home. She pinched herself at least ten times to make sure she was really awake. That she had really been to Graceland and met Elvis Presley.  Then she fell asleep thinking of a pair of playful blue eyes glistening above her.

It was not long before Jan became a permanent fixture at Graceland. She would go home from work, change into a cocktail dress and take the bus to the Winchester Road stop.  Every time Travis or Vester let her through the gates she would shiver with anticipation for whatever the night would bring. It was more than just getting to be in the sunshine of Elvis’ affection, though that alone was something she lived for.  No, spending the evening at Graceland also meant trips to the skating rink, nights at the fairgrounds, bonfires, music, swimming or fireworks. It was like a never ending summer camp or a holiday resort, like the ones her cousins in New York told her about. And Jan never wanted to check out of this one.

During her days Jan would carry a little notebook around and write down clever things to say to Elvis that she thought would make him laugh, practicing them at her desk while she typed. She often was too shy to actually make these jokes. But she felt  more confident just having them ready when she went over. It was usually past midnight when she got home, but Jan just doubled her coffee, determined never to miss an evening at Graceland.

That is, until a big storm hit Memphis the following Saturday.

Jan considered taking a cab over, and called a few of the others to see what they were doing, but she couldn’t get through. The switch board operator told her the storm had knocked down several phone lines through town. Resigned to a night in, she had just made a kettle of hot tea and settled into watch Lawrence Welk when the phone rang and Frances told her Elvis was asking where she was.

The rain poured down on Jan’s cab all the way to Whitehaven. As usual, the curtains were all drawn for the family’s privacy, but tonight it made Graceland look more ominous and the exterior lights cast eerie shadows on a building with no visible life to the outside world.  Buckets of rain poured over Jan as she ran from the car to the door, and she stopped at the mirror in the entrance way to try and fix her face. She hated driving in the rain, even as a passenger, she was on edge the whole time and unable to relax until she got to her destination. It made her feel a bit off tonight, and then she felt silly for feeling off. Why, she could hear someone playing a Dean Martin song on the piano, the house was filled with enough music and laughter to block out the sound of the storm, and there she was, feeling like a stick in the mud. She shouldn’t have come. 

Jan was distracted from her thoughts of regret when she noticed that someone had put their cigarette out on the floor, staining the beautiful white carpet that lined the entry way. She had just bent down to pick it up when she heard Elvis’ voice, and looked up to see him leaning in the entryway with a few members of the gang.

“Silly lil mousy, scared of a few rain drops. Havta start calling you fraidy mouse.” He leaned his head back and the others joined in with his laughter. “Stead a fraidy cat, fraidy mouse.”

Jan’s eye twitched, and she looked into the mirror. She looked like a wet rat, not a mouse, and she felt like a silly child. She didn’t want to be here anymore.

“You’re not being fair, Elvis, have you even been outside today? I don’t have a car. And it’s a hurricane out there. If you thought about anyone other than yourself you’d know it wasn’t easy coming here.”

Elvis eyes widened and he jumped back as if Jan had slapped his face. “Not fair, huh? Don’t think of others, huh? I cain’t believe my goddamn ears. That’s all I do. You know all you have to do is call and I’d come get you.” His shoulders were back and his hands were at his hips as he roared to the ceiling. “Ain’t fair. aint’ fair. Well if you feel like that you should jus go on back home. No one wants you here anyhow.”

Jan could feel the tears welling up, and she ran past the staircase, through the kitchen and down to the basement so no one would see her cry. She had never seen Elvis loose his temper before. He could be cocky, teasing, oblivious, but now she knew what it was to feel the pummel of his brief, yet intense, bout of rage. Jan slammed her fists down on her knees, mad at herself for loosing her composure. She had immediately regretted what she said, and now she was sure that she had screwed everything up. Elvis would never let her come back. And the thought of loosing her membership in his special, secret club that she had only just began to experience brought forth another round of deep sobs.

Eventually, once she could breathe evenly without blubbering she found her compact and took a look and then promptly put it away. Her makeup was beyond repair. So instead, she began to think about how she could possibly leave without anyone noticing. Then she heard the floor squeak across the hall, and wandering toward the TV room to take a look. She stood in the doorway and looked around.

“Hello? Someone here?”

“Boo!” Elvis jumped out from the projection closet and grabbed Jan, eliciting a high scream that ricocheted through the rooms.

Elvis grinned and licked his thumb to clean off her runny makeup. “See, I was right. You really are a jumpy little fraidy mouse tonight. A pretty, silly, cute and wet lil baby mousy. Come on upstairs, honey, and let’s fix your face.”

Jan let herself slump into Elvis chest as he walked her up to his bathroom and sat her on the counter. Somehow Elvis had a drawer full of makeup, and she gave herself to him completely as he dried her hair and did her eye shadow.

“I’m sorry, Elvis. Bout earlier. I don’t know why I said that, you’re one of the most thoughtful people. It’s just. I’m just.” She sighed. “Driving in the rain and storms always scares me.”

“Aw, honey.” He rubbed her cheek, then puckered out his lips as a cue for her to do the same. “S’ok. Cain’t bare to stay sore at you. You know I ain’t gonna let nothing bad happen to you, baby. Next time, you call me and I’ll come get ya. You’ll always be safe by my side.”

Jan nodded as Elvis drew her to him, holding her tight as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. He began to get a goofy look on his face, as if he might kiss her on the mouth, when Mack knocked on the door and pulled Elvis aside.

“EP, George just called about a story in the evening paper. I gotta tell you, right away.”

Elvis nodded at Jan to go back downstairs, where she found the other guests exchanging hushed whispers and nervous glances. Walking through the various rooms, she finally found Arlene, Frances and a few of the other girls with Gladys on the back patio listening to the rain thump against the green metal awning.

“Oh Jan, we had to get some fresh air. It’s just too awful for words.”

“What is it Mrs. Presley? What’s happened?”

Heidi took her hand and pulled her into the corner.

“It’s Susie, the police found her body in the woods off the Nashville Road.”

Jan’s brow crinkled. “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I never met her, but  -  but, ugh, how horrible. What happened?”

“They think she was attacked by animal.” Heidi leaned in closer to whisper in Jan’s ear. “Her heart was torn clean out of her chest. Mrs. Presley is very upset, she was over here all the time.” Heidi squeezed Jan’s hand. Tight. “She was one of us.”

The rest of the night was a blur. Elvis  asked most of the guests to clear out before gathering the gang in his bedroom, where he cried openly and asked Alberta to bring them a coconut cake. Then they sat around eating on the bed, sharing their favorite memories of Susie. Heidi left at midnight, and at three Jan looked over at Arlene and Frances and asked if they shouldn’t go to. Elvis’ soulful eyes looked over from where he was slumped across his bed.

“Aw, don’t leave me babies. I can’t bear to be alone.”

Frances. “What, a slumber party with all of us in your bed tonight? What will people think?”

“Fuck ‘em. Nah, people know y’all are good lil virgins, so who cares what they think.” Elvis’ eyebrows went up for a split second when Jan looked away at the word virgin. But if he thought anything of it, he kept it to himself.

The girls went into the bathroom to change in to some of Elvis’ pajamas shirts and get ready for bed. Jan cautiously asked if the others had ever slept over before.

“Oh yeah. A few times.” Arlene handed Jan her comb. “It’s all very innocent. You know Elvis, he hates to be alone. ”

Frances nodded, chiming in. “Yeah, hanky panky is the last thing on his mind. He’s proud that we’re good girls. And when he finds out someone isn’t -”

“Gosh I feel so bad.” Arlene looked at her self despondently as she finished rolling her hair. “I thought that was why Susie wasn’t coming back. I thought she had seduced him in a weak moment, and then he couldn’t bear to have her around anymore knowing she was fast.  Boy oh boy, I guess I was wrong.”

“You didn’t know, who would have thought she was dead? Honestly, your theory was the most logical explanation.” Frances rubbed Arlene’s shoulder as they consoled each other.

Jan smiled sympathetically, feeling very awkward because she wanted to share their grief but couldn’t, not really. She looked out into the bedroom at where Elvis lay in the center of his large mattress, staring off into space and wondered if he really banished girls after he slept with them. It seemed an anathema to everything she had learned over the last week about how kind and warm and instantly familiar and sweet he was with women.

Once they were ready for bed, the girls climbed in next to and Elvis he grinned a big crooked grin when Jan scuttled over to claim his right arm. The four of them cuddled in together, talking about Susie, and then musing about the things they wanted to do before they died. Arlene wanted to see the pyramids, Frances wanted to own a horse and Elvis said he wanted to go on a safari in Africa. When it was Jan’s turn, she murmured that this was her dream, to have friends who loved and embraced her so openly. And then she hid her face in Elvis’ chest, blushing as the others cooed over her.

The rain continued, and eventually the conversation moved on to happier topics, such as what people probably eat for dinner in heaven. Spaghetti and meatballs, if Arlene was to be believed. Every so often, Elvis would lean into and start kissing the side of Arlene or Jan’s forehead absentmindedly. Then Frances would claim she was left out and Elvis would make a big production of kissing them all. And then there would be another round of giggles and tickles and little kicks under the covers.

Jan wasn’t quite sure what time she fell asleep, but when she woke up she was nestled into Elvis armpit and the others were gone. Thick black curtains covered the windows and made it impossible to know what time of day it was from the sunlight, at least. Jan hoped it was Sunday morning but she suspected it may already be the afternoon. Pushing her cares aside, she leaned further into Elvis warm body and moving her hand over the cool silk of his white monogrammed pajamas, trying memorize exactly how this felt so she could play it back in her mind’s eye when ever she wanted

“Uh oh, looks like there’s a lil mouse in ma bed.”

Jan felt Elvis’ lips on her forehead, and turned to see his eyes dancing under half open lids. She let out a little snort as she pulled herself closer to him, savoring the cozy cocoon of sheets, blankets and Elvis that enveloped her.

“I wonder where the others are.”

“Probably downstairs stuffing their gob, if I know Arlene.”

Jan swatted Elvis playfully, and he chuckled, stretching his arm out around her with a yawn. She sat up to read the clock on the mantle, and thought of all the little things she had told herself she would do before work tomorrow. Elvis grabbed her pulled her back into his chest.

“Ughhhh, it’s almost 2 in the afternoon.”

“Huh, so, why hurry at this point?” He grinned and caressed her stomach, leaning on his side to hover over her.

“I’m glad ya here, lil gal. Glad we can comfort each other during hard times. An I’m glad you been coming over,  you one of my sweet lil girls now, Jan." He kissed her cheek, his lip spouting. "Now, you gotta promise you won't go on no dates when I’m outta town, it would break my heart.”

Jan nodded up, her mouth hanging open. “No, you can trust me Elvis. I won’t see anyone else.”

A lock of his black hair dangled over his forehead, and Jan flinched when Elvis’ hand moved over the low curve of her belly.

“Honey, you know you ain’t got nothin’ to worry about with me, though. I would never hurt you, or do anything wrong to you.”

Jan nodded. “I know - I just - I guess I’m just not used to being around men like this very often. But I like it. I like being around you.”

“Huh, well, that’s good. I don’t want you spending time with anyone else, lil mouse. You know I meant it when I say I’m glad all you girls are good lil virgins. You know I’m not like most guys, I respect you.” His fingers smoothed over the hair above her widow’s peak. “So you ain’t gotta worry bout that.”

Jan broke their eye contact and looked up at the dark blue ceiling.

“What - what is it, honey? Ain’t nothing to be embarrassed talking bout, should be proud that you’re a good girl.”

“I’m - I.” Jan hesitated and met Elvis eyes as she rolled over the pillow and looked into the mirror, watching his face as he nuzzled his chin into her from behind. He ran his fingers over her matching navy blue pajama shirt.

“What’s the word, lil mouse? You know you can tell me anything?”

Jan rolled back into him, murmuring into the white lining above his collar.

“I’m just afraid you won’t want me around anymore. You - the gang - spending time here. It’s the best part of my day. But I don’t want to lie to you, Elvis.” Her voice got even lower and she trembled. “I’m not a virgin.”

Elvis tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. “Ya not?”

Jan slowly shook her head. “But - but I’m not here to try to seduce with you.”

He let out a loud cackle.

“No? Don’t find me attractive, huh?”

“No, I do. It’s just that I know - I ‘ve heard. That is, they say once a girl goes all the way with you, she’s not allowed to come back.”

Elvis’ brows furrowed and Jan wasn’t sure if he was hurt or about to laugh again until chuckle rang out. “What? That’s the stupidest goddamn thing I eva heard. How would any of those lil hens know, anyway?”

“I - I - I don’t know, I never asked.” Jan’s voice trailed off as Elvis chuckled into her cheek as he kissed her.

“Well, don’ worry baby, I ain’t trying to take advantage of ya, virgin or not.” His hands roved over her sides as he looked deep into her eyes. “Man oh man, mousy gal, look so sweet and innocent though, never would ‘ave guessed.”

Jan felt a tingly warmth start to coil in her belly and she gasped as Elvis rolled his nose over hers. He moved closer, his hand roving under her pajama shirt and trailing under her bare breast.

“Thanks for not taking advantage of me, either way.” Jan muttered, slightly distracted by the nips at her ear and the succession of slow and firm kisses that followed on her neck.

“Naw, honey. Wouldn’t dream a it. Furthest thing from my mind.”

Jan didn’t know what would happen the next she arrived at the Graceland gate house, she half expected Uncle Vester to turn her away. But he waved her through, and she chided herself for being silly. Elvis was so kind and warm, she could never imagine him banishing her after what they had shared. He had been so sweet, so kind, so gentle. He had conjured a pleasure from deep within her that she had never experience before, and she felt as if she had only truly been with a man for the first time when she was with him. Still, as Jan walked up the hill to the house she vowed to resist the urge to experience that pleasure again. She didn’t want to loose her friendships with the other girls. And so, as she stepped in the door and removed her coat and gloves, she swore to herself she would never go all the way with Elvis Presley. Again.

Solemn oaths, however, are so very difficult to keep. And Jan found herself changing her mind the minute Elvis whispered in her ear to sneak up stairs and wait for him in his bed room when Mack went to drive the other members of the gang home. Heidi, Frances and Arlene said nothing, but Jan could tell they knew something was up. They must, have, she reasoned. Especially once Elvis started picking her up and dropping her off himself. Sometimes he would take her home alone, but when he picked her up most evenings he would park and honk outside her ladies boarding house with some of the other guys and ask if they had any available rooms for Lamar. Jan caught Arlene staring at her out of the corner of her eye all the next week, and then Heidi trapped her on the landing that Friday.

“Just be careful. ‘Member: keep your knees closed, that’s the only way to make it last now that you’re one of his girls.”

Jan’s brow furrowed “But we’re all his girls.”

“You know what I mean, Jan. Anita is coming back from New York in a few days, I hope you know what you are doing.”

Jan swallowed hard as she watched Heidi descend down the staircase. Had she just been a bed warmer during Anita’s absence? Was there a way to go back to how it had been at first, when the most she did in bed with Elvis was have pillow fights and tickling kisses? But then when he squeezed her hand and rubbed his thumb along the side of her palm she was powerless to stop herself from answering his silent call and going to wait for him in his bedroom.

It was Sunday, Elvis was going back on tour the next day. It was her last night with him and Jan ran out of her apartment the second she saw the winged tips on the back of Elvis’ white Eldorado outside her window. She slid down the banister and jumped off the end, soliciting a humpf and a stern glance from the boarding house matron at the front desk. Jan giggled. She couldn’t help it. But her gait slowed when she noticed the single blonde bob in the driver’s seat.

“Why hey there, Miss Janice, how are you?”

Jan frowned and leaned into the car. “Looking for me Anita?”

The blonde’s a tight fake smile grew across her face. Jan couldn’t help but notice that she had bags under her eyes and the rosy color that had animated her creamy pink skin when they first met had faded. Anita no longer had that radiant glow, she looked sickly and pale. This didn’t seem to dampen her energy, and she giggled and patted the seat beside her.

“Come on, honey, thought we could go for a lil ol drive, have a lil ol talk.” She winked. “You know, girl to girl.”  Jan sighed and rubbed her neck, looking around as she considered what she should do. What was the worst that could happen? Anita might yell at her, she might start a scene with Elvis later. Maybe Jan could stop her from doing that, could talk some sense into her or even convince her she was wrong. So Jan took a deep breath and got into the car.

“How was New York?”

They made small talk as Anita guided her car around the block and drove further from the lights of downtown Memphis into the dark, black night. “In the Still of The Night” came on the radio as the Eldorado made its way through the outskirts of Memphis. After a while, Jan stopped trying to come up with things to say, and awkwardly started to suggest maybe they should get back, unless there was something specific Anita wanted to discuss. Anita turned again to smile, and pulled the car on to the side of the road. She shut off the engine and Jan suddenly felt a tremor of fear rise up her spine. An owl hooted out in the woods, off beyond the shoulder. Other than that, there was no one around.

“I don’t know what you’re playing at, Anita. I thought we were friends.”

Anita shifted in her seat to look at her directly, and Jan could swear she saw a flash of yellowish green in Anita’s eyes.

“Why you must think I was born yesterday, to be friends with a lil tramp that goes doing the hanky panky with my man.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jan whispered, her voice stilted and unsure as she blinked at the ground. She shivered when Anita scooted closer along the front seat and leaned into Jan’s face, sniffing her cheek.

“Heavens to betsy, honey. I can still smell him on you.”

Jan began to mutter that was not even possible, but her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard in disbelief as she watched Anita’s mouth grow wider and wider and her teeth extend into a row of sharp daggers. Jan tried and failed to find the door handle, so instead, she opted to crawl out through the open window. Somehow Anita ran around the front of the car lightening fast and managed to tackled Jan to the ground before she could run. Her small body had the strength of ten men as she held Jan down by her shoulders on the cold dirt that lined the dark road.

“Please, please, I’ll stop, I promise. Cross my heart.”

Anita smiled down at Jan and her yellow eyes burned bright in the black night.

“Bless your heart, that’s just what I’m after too.”

Then, with a flash of her smile, Anita ripped through Jan’s chest with her teeth and devoured her still-beating heart in one gulp, savoring the way it throbbed down her throat. Jan’s screams echoed through the forest and down the Nashville road, but there was no human around for miles and miles to hear them.

Heidi, Arlene and the others looked for Jan at the gate over the following days and weeks. Once or twice, they thought they saw her walking down the street from the bus stop, but they were wrong.

“She must have slept with him.” Arlene explained, smoothing her skirt as they walked around the pool.

“I warned her, I said, once girls go all the way with him, they never come back.” Heidi tutted, looking across the patio and nodding her head at Anita. “Gosh, she looks even prettier than the last time. Must have had more work down when she was ‘at that job in New York.’”

“Oh fooey, to hell with Anita Wood.”

OK, but seriously, look at these photos from before and after she started dating Elvis. You cannot tell me Anita wasn't gobbling up the hearts of innocent gate girls when Elvis wasn't looking!

Happy Elvis-o-Ween.......

I am working on at least one more or two more Elvis-o-ween fics so let me know if you want to be tagged. For now just tagging randomly. So also feel free to tell me to fuck off.

taglist:

@whositmcwhatsit @arrolyn1114 @be-my-ally @missmaywemeetagain @ellie-24 @vintageshanny @peskybedtime @shakerattlescroll @lookingforrainbows @from-memphis-with-love @powerofelvis @ab4eva @kingdomforapony @ashtag6887 @dkayfixates @eliseinmemphis @waiting4brucewayne2adoptme @louisejoy86 @i-r-i-n-a-a @horror-movieshoes @everythingelvispresley @doll-elvis @j-v-9-2 @notstefaniepresley @richardslady121 @crash-and-cure

#elvis presley #elvis fanfiction #elvis x oc #1957 elvis #elvis-o-ween #a little spooky and scary... not really #banditqueenwrites #halloween fic #halloween

[renecdote]

inertia

“Eddie.” He feels his mouth form the word, feels the vibration of it in his throat, but he can’t hear his own voice. It’s dark. Is it supposed to be dark? Yes—it was night. He was with Eddie. “Eddie,” Buck repeats, fumbling one-handed, fighting against the airbag, the seatbelt, the claustrophobia pressing in on him. He has to get out. He has to get to Eddie. He’s trapped. He can’t move—can’t—his leg—nonono, not again, not again, please— For BTHB: vehicular accident

[Read on AO3]

More than anything, Buck remembers the noise: the roar of the engine, a car horn, the squeal of tires, his heart pounding in his ears. Sirens, minutes and seconds later, and someone cursing at him before they got there, “you should look where you’re fucking going, fucking asshole motorbike riders—”

He knows that it hurt, his jeans shredded over bloody skin, his lip split, his arm broken in two places, every inch of him bruised and aching. He knows that it hurt because of course it did, it was probably agonising right up until the morphine kicked in, but he doesn’t remember the pain.

He wonders, now, how he ever could have forgotten it.

****

Eddie reaches out, fiddling with the radio until he finds a station he likes, then turning the volume up just one digit, as if that makes any kind of difference.

“Where are we going?” he asks.

Buck shoots him a grin. “I told you: it’s a surprise.”

Eddie huffs, the same way he did the first four times he asked and got the same answer. “I hate surprises.”

“No, you don’t,” Buck laughs. “You just want everyone to think you hate surprises because you get embarrassingly gooey about them.”

The flash of a passing streetlight shows Eddie’s face cast in exaggerated affront. “Gooey,” he repeats. “I don’t—I’m not gooey, Buck.”

He is. Buck has the photos and videos to prove it.

“Don’t worry, Eds,” he says. “I think you’re cute when you’re gooey.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but he turns his head and rubs at his cheek in a way that means he’s probably hiding a pleased little smile. It’s still new: making Eddie smile like that. Going on dates. Holding hands, and sneaking kisses in-between the engines, and waking up wrapped around each other. Buck wishes he could hit pause on every moment between them, just so he can live in it a little bit longer.

He slows down for a yellow light, coming to a stop as it turns red.

“Can you at least give me a clue?” Eddie tries.

“Nope,” Buck laughs. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you,” Eddie grumbles.

The light turns green.

Buck accelerates into the intersection.

Eddie’s eyes widen in alarm, a shout forming but never making it past his lips, his hand half raised like he can—what?

Buck never even sees the crash coming.

****

The Jeep is still registered in Maddie’s name. That’s Buck’s first thought when the tires skid on the icy road, adrenaline suddenly pumping hard and fast as he grips the wheel. He’s going to end up wrapped around a tree, the Jeep totalled, and it’s going to be Maddie’s problem because the car is still registered in her name.

He has a sudden flash of memory: his mom standing in the doorway, yelling at him not to run, snow cold and wet soaking through the mesh in his sneakers as he ran to the bus stop down the road. She never came with him. It was always Maddie who held his hand while they walked, heavy backpacks bouncing on their shoulders, but his mom stood in the doorway of their house and watched until the doors of the school bus closed behind them.

Buck wonders who will tell his parents that he’s dead. Wonders how they’ll react. They’ll probably be glad, he thinks. And then he feels like an asshole for thinking that. (But can’t stop thinking it.)

The Jeep is slipping, slipping, slipping.

Buck fights the gut-reaction to twist the wheel hard, arms locked tight as he holds it steady, foot off the gas, braking carefully, carefully, carefully.

The road around him is dark. Empty. The Jeep’s headlights reflect off a sign: ICE in bold letters below the squiggly black lines of a skidding car. Hysterical, adrenaline-tinged laughter bubbles in Buck’s chest. Too little too late, he thinks. He turns the wheel left and the back of the car swings to the right and—

Another hundred yards and he would have been sinking into an icy river. Would have been dead, probably, pulled out in his Jeep hours or days later, his body cold and blue. He’s lucky, really, that the snowbank got to him first.

****

His ears are ringing.

There’s a little voice in the back of his head—the same voice that points out emergency exits and fire extinguishers whenever he goes somewhere new—that reminds him that it’s normal, that it probably just means the airbags deployed. But it’s hard to hear anything through the ringing, including the voice in his own head. Buck fights against the disorientation, the pain, the starbursts of light in his vision, the high-pitched whine in his ears and the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. He wonders, for three disoriented seconds, whether he’s back in the tsunami: turned around and upside down, caught in a whirlpool beyond his control, can’t win, can’t breathe, can’t swim.

But there’s blood in his mouth.

There’s blood in his mouth, and he clawed his way out of that ocean, clawed at the muddy ground, and Eddie got shot in the street in broad daylight, and—

“Eddie.”

He feels his mouth form the word, feels the vibration of it in his throat, but he can’t hear his own voice. It’s dark. Is it supposed to be dark? Yes—it was night. He was with Eddie.

“Eddie,” Buck repeats, fumbling one-handed, fighting against the airbag, the seatbelt, the claustrophobia pressing in on him. He has to get out. He has to get to Eddie. He’s trapped. He can’t move—can’t—his leg—nonono, not again, not again, please—

Something touches him.

Someone.

Hand on his thigh, squeezing, pulling his focus. Eddie. Buck’s right shoulder is throbbing—dislocated, maybe, minimum four weeks off work, light duty for another month—and he wants nothing more than to hold Eddie’s hand, to tangle their fingers together and squeeze (I’m okay, we’re okay, it’s gonna be okay), but the angle is all wrong and he can’t get his left arm across his body to do it.

His neck hurts, too—everything hurts—and that little first responder voice is still in the back of his head—don’t move, wait for the paramedics—but he turns his head anyway, searching for Eddie in the darkness.

There you are, Eddie’s smile seems to say.

Blue and red blur across Buck’s vision, pain streaking through his head, and he has to close his eyes against the rush of nausea it brings.

Eddie’s hand squeezes his leg again. Stay awake, maybe. Or I’ve got you, we’re okay.

Buck never should have closed his eyes. Can’t get them open again. Red-blue-Eddie-pain flash behind his eyelids.

He’s unconscious again before the firefighters pull them out.

****

Buck doesn’t remember most of the truck bombing. He watched the news clip twice after he got home from the hospital, pieced together all the comments people made until they formed some kind of coherent picture, guessed at the rest of it from everything else he’s seen on the job. He knows Eddie held his hand. Knows he was trapped there for almost thirty minutes before they got him out. Knows that it’s probably a good thing that he doesn’t remember all the details. The night is all blurred colours, and fear, and the strangest feeling of being weighed down and floating at the same time.

It felt like that in the hospital afterwards too, the cast on his leg bulky and heavy, a weight more than physical, and the painkillers cushioning his mind from all of it.

“You’re lucky,” a doctor told him, scrawling notes on his chart. “Most people don’t walk away from something like that.”

Buck laughed, short and brittle, halfway to a sob. “I’m not walking, doc. I can’t even stand.”

“Yet.” The doctor had the nerve to smile as he said it. “We’ll get you there.”

Buck was only thinking about getting back to work, then.

Now he wakes up in the hospital and he’s back there for one half-conscious moment, his leg his first thought, panic washing through him, his breath sticking in his chest. A doctor leans over him, mouth moving as they ask him muffled questions, his ears aching, head aching, everything aching.

“Don’t take my leg,” Buck begs, his own voice echoing in his chest.

The lights are bright and the doctor is still talking, maybe to him, maybe to someone else, but it doesn’t matter. Buck can’t hear them anyway.

He slips back under.

Wakes up again minutes or hours later to find someone else beside the bed. Short-cropped brown hair, but the wrong shade. The wrong face attached to it. A question catches in the back of Buck’s throat—Eddie? Is Eddie okay?—and comes out as a groan, pain waking up with the rest of him, his body stiff and sore at the slightest movement.

Bobby’s head snaps up, one hand going for the call button, the other for Buck’s arm. “Hey. Hey, easy, kid, you’re okay, you’re in the hospital.”

Buck blinks and finds his lashes sticking together, tears welling up before he even knows why he feels like crying.

“Eddie is okay too,” Bobby adds, reading it on his face. “He’s better off than you are—mostly superficial cuts and bruises, possible cracked ribs, a fractured wrist, whiplash—they’re just keeping an eye on him until they can run some more tests to be sure.”

It should be a relief, hearing it from Bobby, but Buck knows the vice around his chest isn’t going to ease fully until he can see Eddie for himself. Maybe not even then, honestly, since it’s at least half from the broken ribs he’s nursing.

“You’re both gonna be fine,” Bobby says, and it’s hard to tell through the fog of painkillers, but it sounds like he’s trying to reassure himself as much as Buck.

****

The wave comes fast and hard, knocking the breath out of him, sending him tumbling. Buck tries to hold onto his surfboard, but it slips away from him, the cord velcroed to his ankle the only thing tethering them together while the ocean does it’s best to tear them apart.

He gets his head above the surface, gets one gasping breath of air, and then the board pops up and slams into his jaw. He goes under. Comes back up coughing and spluttering, his face throbbing. He doesn’t get a full breath in this time before another waves lifts him up and then bowls over him. It’s easier not to fight it. Easier to hold his breath and let it take him.

A hand around his bicep drags him back up. Drags him into the shallows and then further, onto the damp edge of the beach.

“Jesus, Buckley,” Andy exclaims, halfway to nervous, adrenaline-fueled laughter. “I really thought you were dead for a minute there.”

Buck grins, tired and squinting against the bright San Diego sun, because that’s what he’s supposed to do, right? He’s supposed to laugh and shake this off and get right back out there.

“I wasn’t worried,” he lies, and Andy does laugh this time.

“You’re a crazy sonuvabitch, you know that?” he says. Then he’s twisting, turning to yell at someone behind him, “He’s fine, Lila! The asshole says he wasn’t even worried!”

Lila kisses Buck later, her purple nails biting in at his hips, beer heavy on both their breaths. A fire crackles in the backyard and party music thrums in the walls of the house when she says, “I don’t know what we’d do if we lost you, Evan.”

Buck’s chest feels tight, his stomach bubbly, his jaw bruised and aching, but he holds Lila close and kisses her back, gives her everything she wants, even when being kissed on the cheek and left to zip up his pants afterwards feels just like that surfboard popping up out of the water to smack him in the face. It’s supposed to hurt after all. Being wanted. Being loved. It always hurts. Isn’t that how he knows that it’s real?

****

“You’re like a car crash, Buckley,” Jai tells him. “It’s all fast and fun until we end up wrapped around a tree.”

****

“You need to be more careful,” his mother snaps, as close as she has ever come to sounding like she cares. “You’re going to get someone killed one of these days.”

****

“You’re both gonna be fine,” Bobby says.

Gonna be fine gonna be fine gonna be fine.

****

Buck is awake when Eddie sneaks into the hospital room.

Half-awake.

Morning light is pressing in insistently behind the blinds someone pulled down over the window and there’s an itch right near the IV port in his elbow that he’s trying not to think about. Buck’s eyes are closed, but he listens to the shuffle of feet on the linoleum, the plastic groan of the chair beside the bed and the quiet, familiar sigh as his boyfriend settles into it. All he has wanted since finding himself in the hospital is to see Eddie, but now that Eddie is here, Buck doesn’t think he’s ready to face him.

His elbow itches. Buck tires not to grimace.

Eddie reaches out and takes his hand, warmth curling around Buck’s cold fingers. “I know you’re awake,” he says, thumb moving on the back of Buck’s hand.

Slowly, Buck opens his eyes, painkillers cushioning the ache in his neck as he turns his head on the pillow. He has to blink a few times before the room comes into focus: tired eyes, short-cropped hair, right shade of brown this time.

“Hey,” Eddie smiles. “There you are.”

Eddie looks—okay. A little bruised, a little battered, but okay. Buck takes a shaky breath and feels it fill up his lungs for the first time since that car slammed into them. Hey, he thinks, and then he opens his mouth and what comes out is, “I’m sorry.”

A watery laugh; the kind that means something isn’t really funny but the only options are to laugh or cry. “I shouldn’t be surprised that those are your first words,” Eddie says, and his smile is watery too but it’s also—fond. So fond it hurts to look at. “This wasn’t your fault, Buck.”

Buck knows that. Logically, he knows that. But.

“I’m still sorry.”

Eddie lifts his hand and kisses his knuckles, holding Buck there against his lips as he answers, “I know.”

“You’re okay?” Buck asks—needs to ask—blinking through the tears in his eyes. “Bobby said you broke your wrist.”

Eddie lifts his left arm up to show off the cast. “Clean break, no surgery required. One fractured rib. Whiplash. The rest of it is just cuts and bruises.”

Buck has to bite his lip so he doesn’t apologise again.

“We’re okay, Buck,” Eddie adds, soft and steady, and Buck knew they were, he thought he did, but hearing the words puts a lump in his throat anyway.

“The light was green,” he says, and he’d been sure, so sure, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was distracted. He knows he can be a reckless driver, but Eddie was in the car and he was smiling and Buck would never—

“The other driver went straight through the red,” Eddie confirms, soothing his doubts as easily as he caresses Buck’s hand with his thumb. “Bobby said it was a heat attack. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Buck thinks about that sign in Wisconsin: ICE. He wonders whether they’ve moved it, put the warning somewhere earlier on the road. Wonders whether it would have made any difference, seeing that sign before the tires started skidding.

He wants to ask if the other driver made it, but he’s not sure he actually wants to know.

“‘M still not telling you where we were going,” he says instead, fighting against the droop of his eyes. “Being t-boned doesn’t get you out of the surprise.”

“It wasn’t a steakhouse, was it?” Eddie asks.

A laugh catches Buck by surprise, spasming through his bruised chest, and he breaks off with a groaning, “Ow.”

“Sorry,” Eddie apologises, squeezing his hand. “How’s your pain? Do you need more painkillers?”

“‘S’okay,” Buck answers, shifting and feeling all the ways his body protests. “I’ve had worse.”

Edie shakes his head. That’s not a measure of pain, Evan, Maddie would say. Buck can see it on Eddie’s face too, but he just says, “Okay. Why don’t you get some rest?”

He shifts up, slowly and painfully, leaning forward until he can kiss Buck’s forehead, then his cheek, then his lips. Buck curls his fingers into the fabric of Eddie’s jacket, holding him there to kiss him again. Eddie relaxes into it, kissing back easily, his weight a comfortable heaviness against Buck’s tired body.

“I love you,” he murmurs against Buck’s lips.

Buck smiles. “I love you too.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up, okay?”

It hurts to shake his head, but Buck does it anyway. “No, you should go home—you should see Chris—”

Eddie stops him with another kiss. “Chris told me I have to stay with you. Pepa is looking after him, he’s okay.”

That lump is back in Buck’s throat, harder to breathe around this time. He’s not sure what he did to deserve the Diaz boys. He isn’t sure that he does deserve them, half the time, but here they are anyway. They want him—they love him—and it doesn’t hurt. That’s how Buck knows it’s real.

When he sleeps, he dreams of driving across a frozen lake, Eddie smiling in the passenger seat and Christopher laughing in the back. The sunlight is bright and clear and he thinks there’s a monster chasing them under the ice, threatening to break through and drag them into the murky depths, but it never catches them.

****

Buck’s arm flies out on instinct, pressing Christopher back into the seat while the car jerks to a sudden stop.

“Whoa.” Christopher’s eyes are wide behind his glasses. “That was close.”

Buck’s heart is racing in his chest, his hands shaking with the frissons of adrenaline running through his body. He breathes a shaky laugh, more relief than amusement. “Too close. Don’t tell your dad.”

Chris rolls his eyes. “As if you aren’t going to tell him as soon as we get home.”

The kid has a point, but.

“Maybe I’ve decided to start keeping secrets.”

“About almost being in a car crash?” Chris asks skeptically.

The car in front of them inches forward and Buck lets the gap grow before he eases his own accelerator down.

“Almost is the key word there,” he tells Chris, lighter than he feels. He’s still jittery, hyperaware of every sound, every glint of sunlight on metal that might be a car about to t-bone them or rear-end them or cause an accident in a million other ways. Buck knows car accidents. He knows what it’s like to cause them, to get caught in them, to respond to them. He knows that, statistically, it’s likely Chris will be in some kind of accident at some point in his life. He really, really doesn’t want to be the reason that happens though.

“Don’t worry,” Chris says, attention back on his phone, completely unconcerned, “LA has one of the highest accident rates in the country so it probably wouldn’t even be your fault.”

Buck frowns. “Why do you know that?”

“You and dad were in a car accident last year,” Chris shrugs, like the answer should have been obvious. “I looked it up.”

Eddie isn’t in the car with them, but Buck can hear his voice clear as day in his head: he gets that from you, you know.

“Okay,” he says, “definitely don’t tell your dad you’ve been reading about car crash statistics. You know what he was like with the Zodiac killer stuff.”

Chris grins. “He was so mad at you.”

They’re at a standstill again. Buck takes the opportunity to throw Chris a betrayed look. “I seem to remember him being pretty mad at you too, kid.”

He can feel himself relaxing, heart rate coming down and tension draining out his shoulders. Chris is fine. They’re both fine. Another fifteen minutes and they’ll be home. He flicks on the indicator then checks his blind spot twice before changing lanes as the traffic breaks out of the bottleneck and starts moving again. The blue Toyota they almost ran into turns into another street and disappears.

“So,” an impish smile in his peripheral vision, “if I’m keeping secrets from dad, does that mean we can have ice cream for dinner?”

Buck laughs. “Nice try.”

The engine is a steady rumble, its vibration passing through the wheel and up his arms, settling in his chest. Christopher reaches out and skips to the next song on the driving playlist. Sunlight glints off a stop sign. Somewhere behind them, a car honks. 

Buck breathes in. Breathes out.

They make it home in thirteen minutes.

#Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #911 Fox #fic #badthingshappenbingo

[brandogenius]

i hope you all forgive me for the inactivity the last few days!! i’ve been writing this and a few others but dedicating more time to this!

it’s one of the longest pieces i’ve written so far! lemme know if you enjoyed this :D

‼️RPF‼️

"first day of tour"

the boys & younger!artist reader!

(not proofread!!)

Part 1 here!

word count: 6,591.

7:05am.

your phone shined back at you. 7:06am. the sound of someone’s phone alarm rang throughout the bunk. the sound of the bus tires rolling over stones and pebbles made you quickly remember where you are.

you sighed, rolling over so you were facing the small curtain. your ears twitched to the small sound of shuffling coming from one of the bunks. the alarm was turned off. you could hear the sound of ruffling, curtains being pulled and feet pattering against the wood on the ground. the shower was turned on and off.

it went in and out like a blur for you. in and out of sleep. it kinda made you feel anxious. you were normally someone who liked to sleep in late. two days ago you were sleeping in late while recovering from the cold you got from somewhere. the boys being kind enough to let you sleep in until afternoon claiming “you need rest to restore your energy before tour” being up early before the sun even started to rise made you a little worried.

it was more for the thought of having to adapt to this new lifestyle for the couple months you share with the band you’re opening for. waking up, getting breakfast and preparing for a jam packed filled day of soundcheck, preparing for the show and actually doing the show.

you let your mind ramble for a couple moments. physically you’re on a tour bus in a new city, ready to sing in front of thousands of people. but mentally, you’re in your bedroom, trying to come up with ways to skip class. to not show up to school. to turn off your alarm and roll over, getting those couple extra hours of sleep. thankful you don’t need to face the people who make your life a living hell.

unfortunately this isn’t the case. you cannot afford to let your anxious mind ramble and convince yourself to stay off school. you have a job, an important job to do. an exciting new adventure - a new era to unlock. this was going to be fun, it was going to be-

“good morning” a soft knock to the side of your bunk startled you from your thoughts. a familiar soft voice rung through the room.

you stayed quiet for a moment before you heard your name being called. you bummed out, fingers pulling back the curtain. there stood in front of you was lucy. she was still

dressed in her pyjamas. she leaned down slightly, phone in her hand.

“it’s time to wake up, kid. i got you up a little bit earlier than the boys so you have time to prepare. we should be stopping at the venue in an hour. giving you time to have first dibs in the shower. i’ll be making some cereal if you want any” lucy smiled down at you. she looked tired.

“thanks” you sighed, flopping your head back down on the pillow.

“trust me, you’ll get used to the early mornings. did you sleep well?” lucy turned her back to you, her voice was low, whispering almost as to not wake up the other two. her bunk was directly across from yours. she started to fix the blankets, folding them neatly

“you could say that” you pushed the duvet off you, feet hitting the cold ground. “better than when i was sick so i guess you could say it was good”

“well that’s good. knew you’d be better before the first show. alright, you go have a shower, i’ll prepare some coffee and wake up the other two” lucy gave you a small smile, walking out of the bunk room, closing the door quietly. you stood in the middle of the room. the only sounds that could be heard was the small sounds of snores from the other two and the small faint sound of the coffee machine behind used.

making your way to the door, you slide it slowly, eager to not make a sound. the bathroom was pretty big. nothing too special. a toilet with a sink and a shower. you spent about 20 minutes in the shower, trying to fully wake up. the warm water feeling like a warm safe blanket around you. it helped your anxiety a bit.

what made you anxious you didn’t know. maybe it was the anxiety of getting up early. the feeling and memories of highschool filling your brain. the same routine of getting up, showing, eating and leaving. except, this time it was different.

your thoughts were yet again, interrupted by a knock on the door.

“spare some hot water for the poor unfortunate souls” you quickly turned off the shower, drying yourself off.

“sorry- i’ll be out in a second!” you called back. the voice behind the door chuckled.

“i’m just joking, take your time- actually don’t - i need to use the bathroom” phoebes voice rang through the room. you quickly got dressed into a hoodie and sweatpants. something cosy to last throughout soundcheck

you opened the door to the bathroom phoebe was standing against the wall, phone and towel in her hand.

“no need to rush- jesus christ it’s all ok” she reassured you.

“i know, just didn’t wanna keep you waiting” you called back, sliding the door open to the bunk room. you made your way to your bunk, grabbing your phone and heading out into the open area lounge.

julien took her spot on the couch, phone on the table propped up on a book as it played some random youtube video. lucy was stirring some sugar into a cup.

“mornin’. did phoebe scare you?” julien greeted you. lucy placed two cups of coffee on the table, placing a third cup for herself across from you.

“someday i will put salt in her coffee. call it payback for the amount of times she does that” lucy added, taking a sip from her mug.

“she does that often?” you questioned, hands wrapped around the mug. the stinging sensation of the hot coffee was grounding you slightly.

“all the time, kid. would start banging on the door like a crazy person to scare us. consider yourself lucky she didn’t start screaming like the banshee” julien joked lightheartedly. you pulled your legs onto the couch, eyes defying to the video julien was watching.

“we got a jam packed day ahead of us. first show of the tour, excited?” lucy asked you. of course you were excited. you were just nervous.

you nodded your head, taking a sip of the coffee. it wasn’t something you usually prefer. you were more of an iced coffee person but you wouldn’t complain. lucy went out of her way to make coffee for you. the least you can do is drink it.

“did you make coffee” all heads turn to the silver haired woman who made her way to the couch. “it’s ok the counter”

“sweet” phoebe took the mug, sitting in julien’s place, the tattooed girl getting up to go use the shower.

“ say, if everything goes to plan. quick soundcheck then we can go get some lunch after. sound good?” phoebe proposed the idea.

“i like it” you replied with a smile. it’d be nice to go out and have lunch with the boys. considering the fact you weren’t able to join them two days ago, it’d be nice to have some food with them.

“hell yeah. i was researching some places in the city. there’s a nice little cafe not too far from the venue. i can pull up the website, see if they have a kids menu” phoebe teased. lucy giggled into her mug, watching the way you stared at phoebe

“that was just mean. i hope you get a senior citizen discount” lucy snorts into her coffee mug, letting out a loud laugh. phoebe gasped, her hand holding her heart in mock offence.

“i may have silver hair, but that was just too far man. not cool” phoebe pretended to wipe fake tears from her eyes. lucy reached her hand out for a high five. “that made my morning - no, my entire week. you bet i’m going to share this story during the show”

“you better not” phoebe flipped lucy off.

“i don’t know what’s goin’ on, but i agree with lucy” juliens voice popped up, coming out of the shower and sitting on the edge of the seat beside you.

“they just called me old!” phoebe pointed a finger at you. you shrugged in return, sipping on your coffee. “did i lie?”

“i agree. you’re also older than all of us here so.. they aren’t wrong” julien smirked over at

phoebe.

“oh fuck you guys”

you heard the bus stop, glancing around as the boys, they seemed to know what’s up.

“seems like we’re at the venue. right, let’s go” lucy took the mugs, settling them into the sink. the small bit of anxiety started to creep back into your chest again. the mixture of excitement and worry weighing the pros and cons down.

8:20am

you checked your phone. time went by quicker than you thought. you got up from your seat and followed julien to the door. she was already outside. the cold crisp air hit your face making you shiver a bit. the sun has risen. the sun shining down on top of your head making you squint. it was a nice feeling. the birds were chirping loudly all around you.

the bus was parked in the venue bus park. thankfully there was nobody queuing up around here. you and the boys would be able to get in and out without any hassle.

it was a bit familiar to you. growing up, you were someone who enjoyed going to concerts. queuing up hours on end to see your favourite bands. being in the position of the musicians you loved when you were younger was weird.

“you alright?” julien stood in front of you, lifting her guitar out of the storage unit. she started to take out most of the equipment, settling them onto the floor.

“i’m good- haven’t seen the outside in a while” you shook your head, taking your guitar case from julien and settling it beside the bus. you helped take out some boxes and suitcases, leading them over to the venue doors.

“ you would’ve been out with us if you weren’t sick, kid. thankfully if all goes well, we can go out for lunch so that’s good” julien was right beside you, arms full with baggage. the two of you walked through the open doors and down the hallway. staff members belonging to the venue were quick

to help. taking the boxes and equipment from your hands and guide you to the dressing room.

you and julien make your way into the big room. snacks and drinks were displayed out for you all. you opted to sit on the couch, calming the inner turmoil wrecking through your head.

“can head those thoughts a mile away” you looked up to see julien staring at you. “first soundcheck. im nervous - what if it doesn’t go right?”

“hey-“ julien put down the snacks and walked over to you, crouching down to meet your eyes. “i think you’ll do great. don’t put yourself down like that, kid. alright? you’re a talented musician. i think you’ll ace this” she reassured. you tried to believe her words.

“i just.. worry. constant state of anxiety. first night of the tour and i want it to go good..” you trailed off, shrugging slightly. you stare at the ground.

“i understand, really.” juliens voice was soft. she placed a band on your shoulder, sitting down beside you. “the first night is always scary. trust me when i tell you it gets easier from then onwards. when you develop this routine of waking up, soundcheck, preforming they same songs every night, it gets easier and more familiar. it’ll come to you naturally”

you listened to the older woman talk. she had a way with words. the way she was able to intelligently put her words together like a poem amazed you.

“thanks” you leaned your head back on the couch with a sigh. julien patted your thigh as she stood up. “i’ll go find the boys, you alright on your own? i think i habe soundcheck now so if you wanna come check it out? you’ll be on after us anyway”

you took the invitation, following julien out to meet with the rest of the band. lucy and phoebe were on the stand, crew members standing all around them. phoebe seemed to notice the two of you first.

“where the hell did you guys go?”

“we ended up being shown to the dressing room. they are staying to watch soundcheck” julien walks out on stage, pointing a finger back at you.

you watched as the crew worked quickly to mic the boys up. placing the wires carefully on their backs and handing them the in ears. it was all new to you. a couple of years ago, you’d be outside queuing in line to see your favourite band while they did soundcheck. this is what happens during it huh?

it was interesting. witnessing the boys play around with songs on the setlist and ones that didn’t make the setlist. running about and tuning their guitars. redoing the intros if they didn’t get it right. the behind the scenes of it all intrigued you a lot. it was something you never got to see much in general. being able to watch what happens when getting ready for a show was fun.

“kid, you’re up next”

“huh?” you glanced over at phoebe. she skips over to you, in ears in hand. “have you done these before?” she passed them to you. you looked at them in your hand for a moment.

“no.”

“that’s fine” phoebe took back the in ears, setting up the monitors, clipping them to the back of your hoodie. “i’ve done it so many times i can do it with my eyes closed. if you ever need help just scream and i’ll be summoned” she reassured.

“i’m pretty sure all you gotta do now is just

shove them in your ears and you’ll be able to hear the instrumental queues and shit” phoebe took one of the ear buds, placing it over your ear and clipping it to the monitor behind your back. a crew member came over, passing your previous guitar to you.

“dude no way- that’s a sick fucking guitar. gretsch right?” phoebe gushed over your guitar. you slung the strap over your head, holding it close as you nodded your head.

“g6136t 1959 white falcon. my prized possession” you held onto the neck of the guitar, strumming a few simple cords. phoebe was stunned for a moment.

“it’s sick. i love it. you’ll need to let me play something on it later. that is a threat”

“you can later. if you buy me lunch” you held your hand out for phoebe to shake. she nodded her head. shaking your hand firmly.

“a deal. now go out there and have fun kid” phoebe gave you a quick shove, pushing you towards the front of the stage where the x was located on the ground. it was a bit intimidating. the venue was massive. a lot of people would be here, watching you sing live. phone cameras held up towards you. all eyes would be on you. you took a deep breath and started to strum the first cords to your opening song.

-

“fucking banger after banger! i love it”. you quickly got off the stage, phoebe praised you as she helped unclip the wires from your back.

“it wasn’t that good”

“you need confidence in yourself. you won’t get anywhere in life if you aren’t confident in yourself kid. you did good and i can confirm- i don’t lie” phoebe wrapped the leads up, passing them to the nearby crew. you settled your guitar in the stand slot by the stage. it’ll stay there for now until the show.

“so, are we thinking lunch?” phoebe questioned. she was on her phone, typing away quickly.

“we can do lunch, yeah. whenever you want to go.” you replied, following the older woman like a lost puppy as she walked down the hall.

“we’re gonna be meeting lucy and jb at this cool cafe we were at before. i think youll like it. it’s like.. five minutes away from here.” phoebe clicked on google maps

you checked the time on your phone, surprised as the numbers stared back at you.

10:45am.

the two of you walked out of the venue through the back door. the sun was up in the sky now, warm and bright. phoebe shoved some sunglasses on her face. it was the middle of july, you’re favourite month by far. when the sun would shine bright in the morning and last for longer in the evening.

“have you been here before?” phoebe turned back to look at you. sunglasses now raised on her head. she was looking around the entrance of the venue. “we may need to pass the front entrance. you’re cool with that right?”

“yeah- that’s fine by me. no haven’t been here before. i don’t think i’ve been to many places other than my home town. so, this is new.” phoebe took the lead. walking side by side, the two of you passed the front entrance, a few fans waving to both of you as you quickly walked along, catching up to phoebe.

“it’s a nice place. i was here for my last tour. didn’t get to go to this cafe, though. it was on my list of places to try” the two of you made your way down the street, passing the small shops on your way, mentally taking note of the stores you want to visit after lunch.

the cafe was around the corner. seats planted outside with umbrellas in the middle of the tables. plants and flowers were scattered along the ground. it had a cosy atmosphere to it. phoebe pushed the door open, you trailing behind her.

the smell of coffee beans hit your nose strong. the loud sound of the coffee machine could be heard faintly with a buzz of chattering from various corners of the building.

“what do you want?” phoebe stared at the menu behind the cashier. “honestly, feeling like some iced coffee right now” she added.

“maybe an iced coffee too. whatever you’re having” you smiled back.

you could tell why the boys wanted to go here. it was buzzing with life. soft lofi music playing in the background from a phone connected to a cable. the baristas were even nicer. phoebe ordering two iced lattes, both with vanilla. you scanned around the cafe, pinpointing julien and lucy in the corner, lucy on her phone, back turned to you and julien staring over. you waved and julien gave a thumbs up.

“i got you vanilla. i feel like you’re a vanilla iced latte type of person. if not, then you’re boring and i’m ending this friendship ” phoebe handed you the iced coffee and trailed down to the corner of the cafe.

“it’s my favourite so that’s good” you took a seat beside julien, phoebe sitting across from you, beside lucy.

“thought you guys got lost. soundcheck go well?” julien commented. eyes fixated on the menu in front of her, scanning through the items. you picked up a spare menu, sliding the other two towards lucy and phoebe.

“it was good” you nodded, eyes going down the list of sandwiches. “first time, was scary but it went good thankfully”

“had to help clip on the monitor and ears” phoebe put down the menu, seeming to already decide on what she wanted.

“in fairness, it is tricky. especially for the first time” lucy added with a nod. “i’m glad it went well, kid. i’m excited to see you preform tonight” the barista came over, taking everyone’s orders.

“we’ll have to celebrate tonight. first show of the tour” everyone looked over at phoebe. she was playing some sort of mobile app on her game

“like what? pizza?” you questioned. phoebe looked up from her phone. “could be nice yeah. i was thinking maybe to a bar?”

“you do realise they aren’t twenty one yet right?” lucy gave phoebe a look. “we aren’t bringing someone underage to a bar. we can just do something on the bus”

the barista comes back with four plates filled with sandwiches, handing them to each one of you. you thanked the woman with a small smile.

you listened to the boys discuss god knows what. hopping from topic to topic. talking about future projects, favourite places they want to visit on tour and more. you zoned out a bit, thoughts loud in your head as you took a bite of your sandwich.

feeling a small tap on your shoulder, you look over at julien who nods towards phoebe.

“you ok? just been a little quiet” lucy and phoebe were staring at you. it made you feel a little anxious.

“no- no i’m fine! i just.. zone out while eating?” you say, more as a question than an answer. it was true. you were one who liked to listen to conversations and add to them when feeling necessary. listening to the boys ramble about what type of cat breed each would be was something that entertained you a lot.

“anyway- i think you’d be a rag doll” phoebe went back to her ramble, pointing a finger at you. “i have no explanation why but it fits”

“i can see it. or a calico” lucy added, scanning over you like she was trying to analyse you. you let the two go back into a discussion. you and julien watching amused as the two in front of you have a debate whether or not julien is in fact a siamese.

“i’d love to let y’all continue this debate but we need to get going” julien tapped the watch on her phone.

12:10pm.

time was going by insanely fast. it had you a bit surprised. stepping out of the booth, you let julien slip out, going to pay for everyone’s food. you followed lucy and phoebe outside the cafe, sitting down with lucy on one of the small chairs by the window.

“it’s a lovely day out today” phoebe commented, one hand on her hip, the other over her eyes as she looked around. “welcome to los angeles” lucy chuckled, placing her sun glasses on her face.

“mhm. if the weather is like this for the tour, im fucking ready to play shows with open roofs. can you imagine how warm it’d be?” phoebe turned around to face the two of you. she was about to say more when julien shoved the door open, tucking the receipt into her back pocket.

“let’s get going. cmon” she took the lead, walking ahead. you and lucy walked together as phoebe took off in a skip.

“so how’s the first few hours been?” lucy asked, slinging her totebag to the other shoulder. you could see the outline of two books. it explained why she was gone a bit earlier.

“very new. i like stopping in new places and getting to explore more of the town. did you go shopping?” you questioned.

lucy nodded her head, excitedly. she took out two books from her bag. “me and jb went to this bookstore just after soundcheck. seen these two- haven’t read them before but they sound interesting. do you read?”

“sometimes? it’s kinda hard to read words on a page.. as say online”

“ that’s totally fair. if you ever wanna take a look at these you can! i have a few on the bus if you ever want any” you thank lucy, helping her put the books back into the totebag.

julien and phoebe were a little bit ahead. stopped by two people you can only recognise as fans. julien is waving to you and lucy, trying to bring you two over. you both pick up your pace, watching as the two girls eyes widen even more upon noticing you both come over.

“we can do one big group photo if that’s ok? we’re on a bit of a time schedule and have to get back to the venue” julien voiced out. the two fans were quick to agree. lucy grabbed your arm and brought you close to her. sandwiched in between phoebe and lucy. julien was to your left. the two girls in front of you, phone held up for a selfie.

“thank you so much-“ one of them says, excitedly. the other girl was quickly taking bracelets off her arm, passing them out to you and the boys.

“these are awesome man, did you make them?” julien gasped, putting the bracelet on her wrist, showing it off. the bracelet given to you was a title from your debut album. you quickly put it on your wrist and gave the two girls a big smile.

“we made them in the queue today. been in line since four this morning. wanted to get some lunch and go back to queuing but somehow seen you all.“ one of the girls bounced on her toes excitedly. it made you almost feel like crying. obviously in a good way. they were meeting their idols and were excited. you remembered feeling like that when you were younger. making friends in the lines for soundcheck and general admission.

“we’ve been really big fans of you since your first album came out- so it’s a bit of a surprise and honourable moment to have met you” it took you a small moment to realise the two girls were talking directly to you. your eyes widened in surprise.

“really?- god that was like - when i was eighteen.. holy shit- wow” you laughed. you felt phoebe pat your back “we got a couple of ogs here”

“we’ll let you guys go back to the venue. don’t want to keep you waiting any longer!“ the two girls in front of you were already saying their goodbyes. julien has started to already take off, lucy behind her. you gave the two girls a wave and said your goodbyes.

“that was so fucking sweet” phoebe had an arm wrapped around your shoulder, looking at her yellow beaded bracelet. you felt excitement buzz in your stomach and chest.

“my first time meeting fans of my music. i’m still processing it- it’s crazy”

“you better get used to it kid. it’ll be happening a lot more now”

the four of you managed to sneak back into the venue without being spotted. of course it was circling on twitter, the photo the two fans took. proudly posting the photo onto the social media app. fan accounts and update accounts were reposting it. everyone was excited and ready for the concert tonight.

you found yourself situated backstage in the dressing room. sitting in the couch with your legs propped up on the small coffee table, you scrolled through twitter, reading tweets of fans excited for the show, fans commenting how cool you looked in the photos.

it was a bit unusual for you to get this type of attention. of course, you were a known musician on social media since you were eighteen. this was the first time you were ever seen outside, photographed by fans, seen outside. other than the photos you posted on instagram, selfies and photo dumps, memes and photos of your cats from your parents house. this was a new era for you and your fans.

an era to see you finally preform your songs to an audience. the events of 2020 hit a couple years ago, having released your debut album during the midst of the quarantine where you didn’t have to worry about what others thought about your music face to face. it felt a bit more easier for you to click publish and post the songs onto spotify and youtube. knowing you didn’t need to wake up early the next day for school.

you gained a lot of attraction in such short amount of time. when everyone was spending their days online and working from home. it meant opening their minds to new music pallets. your album charted number one in multiple countries, featuring in multiple playlists. tv shows we’re reaching out to you, asking for an opportunity to virtually do an interview with you.

it was scary but exciting. pre recording a live video of you singing in your bedroom to send to the late night shows, having to wake up early the next day for your math zoom meeting.

this would’ve been your first time preforming those songs again. but to a live audience.

“-ah?” you blinked, looking up at julien who somehow was stood in front of you.

“huh?”

“i said are you ready? you gotta get your makeup done. it’s nearly showtime. doors are gonna be opening in… i think an hour?”

an hour? you quickly pressed the button on the side of your phone and glanced at the time.

4:30pm

“shit” you stood up abruptly. times going by too quick for comfort. julien placed a hand on your shoulder, a comforting and reassuring look in her eyes

“listen kid. you’re gonna do great. trust me. i get you may be a bit worried or nervous. don’t be. we’ll be here. you’ll rock the stage” she patted you on the back and shoved you out the door to the main lounge. phoebe and lucy were in the small chairs, getting their makeup and hair done. the stylist guides you to the chair. you end up zoning out, lost in thought while you let the stylish work. you thought over the songs and the cords.

what if you couldn’t remember the cords on your guitar or missed a couple? what if your mic doesn’t work? all these thoughts entered your head as you felt the small bit of anxiety creep up on you again.

as the stylised finished, you got up from the chair and walked back into the dressing room. moving on autopilot, you grabbed your stage outfit. a skirt with fishnets and docs along with a crop top . was this good? did it look ugly. there was no way to change it not, you were running low on time. shops would be closing by this time so you would have to make do.

you shakily got changed, careful to not ruin your makeup or hair. it was just you in the dressing room thankfully. as much as you appreciate the boys, you didn’t want them to see you like this. scared and nervous, unable to form a proper sentence without bursting into tears.

a knock on the door made you jump. an unfamiliar voice was behind the door, announcing 20 minutes until show time. probably one of the crew members. you walked over to the door, holding onto the handle for a moment before shoving it open.

your docs click against the marbled ground as you make your way down the hallway to the stage entrance. it was quite easy to follow thankfully, with signs in big black bold writing, indicating every turn to where the nearest side of the stage is.

you made it to the left side of the stage. crew members and the boys were all huddled together. lucy looked up and met your eyes, grinning widely and running over to you.

“you look amazing!” the boys took turns in complimenting you, phoebe making you do a twirl as she whistles. “are you excited?” she asked. you noticed she was holding your guitar, she passed it to julien as she took something from the crew member. it was the in ears and monitors.

“phoebe is taking the role of tour crew i see” julien teased, holding your guitar by the neck. phoebe clipped the monitor behind your back, linking it up to your in ear monitors and connecting them to the guitar in julien’s hand. “i’ve been touring for a long time man, it comes naturally to me”

she shoved one of the ear buds in your ear, fitting the other. your hands were shaking with a cold sweat, each second that phoebe helped you set up was a countdown to the first performance in front of a crowd.

“seems to be all done. perfect. when you win a grammy, you better mention me and the time i helped you with this” phoebe joked lightheartedly. julien passed the guitar back to you. you slung it over your shoulder. the familiar white and gold on the guitar made you feel a little calmer. you knew how the guitar sounded. this was your main instrument. nothing could go wrong.

“five minutes” a crew member passed by quickly, clipboard in their hand.

6:25pm.

you took deep breaths. the beat of your heart was the only thing you can hear right now. the faint voices of the boys were muffled.

“you got this kid. give it your all” you didn’t even realise you had your eyes closed. opening them up to meet the three women in front of you.

“i got this yes- i fucking do” you tried to hype yourself up. you could hear the cheering and a screaming get louder as the intros start playing.

you gripped your guitar tightly and took off, running out in stage.

—

7:30pm.

“HOLY SHIT LETS FUCKING GO” the minute you stepped foot off stage you were bombarded with three pairs of arms around you.

“KID- THAT WAS AWESOME” julien had her arms on your shoulders, shaking you aggressively as she jumped around. you let a sigh of relief wash over you. the anxiety was long gone. replaced with the excitement of preforming. everything went fine. it was perfect. it was the best show you’ve ever done.

“your first show, how do you feel!” lucy slung an arm over your shoulder, all of you walking back to the dressing room. the boys had 30 minutes before they were expected to go on stage.

“i’m fucking tired” you sighed, dropping down onto the couch.

“you can stay here or watch us backstage whatever you prefer. phoebe sat down beside you, grabbing your legs and resting them on her lap.

“just give me like.. an hour to recover and i’ll be fine” you said half jokingly. you needed a minute to recover from the adrenaline.

“listen, we’ll be back at the entrance we were when you were going on stage. if you wanna meet us there you can, if not don’t worry about it” phoebe got back up again, ready to head back out.

you were left in the dressing room alone. opening your phone, you took to twitter. most of the tweets you came across were all positive things. fans excited to see you preform and talking and crying over your setlist. it was a positive outcome.

you sat on twitter for a couple of more minutes. the boys were just starting their opening song. you promised to come watch soon. getting up, you changed into some more comfier clothes. shorts and an oversized tshirt. you nearly folded your stage clothes, putting them away in the suitcase that was open on the ground, shoved up against the wall.

you made your way back the same way you went earlier. following the sighs on the wall, you made your way to the side of the stage. lucy was closest to you, you watched as the boys preformed true blue.

taking a seat on one of the benches, you sat and listed. occasionally taking videos of some of the songs. the boys were talented amazing musicians. lighting the venue up with their stage presence as they ran and jumped around on stage. belted out song lyrics and high notes. talked and joked with the audience.

as someone who would normally be in the pit where everyone else is, sitting behind the stage was something you enjoyed. it was new and exciting.

you watched as the boys took their last bow and ran off stage. they seemed to be full of excitement and adrenaline.

“first night down, boys! lets go!” phoebe cheered. she quickly untangled herself from the guitar and wires, handing them to the staff and crew surrounding each one of you.

“you guys were amazing. probably one of the best shows i’ve seen in my entire life” you complimented. each of them seemed thankful and honoured.

“we need to get our shit together and go back on the bus. are we still up for pizza? i know it’s late” lucy questioned, the four of you all walking back into the dressing room. you opted for your usual spot on the couch as julien went into the bathroom first to change.

“pizza works fine by me. have it delivered to the bus before we take off” you nodded, opening your phone, clicking on one of the small mobile apps you downloaded for the tour bus journey.

“good idea, very smart” phoebe nodded, opening a packet of gummies. julien stepped out in some jeans and a hoodie. it was phoebes turn to use the bathroom.

“also wanna take an early night too. that means no staying up ‘till 4am” julien gave phoebe, making way for her to enter the bathroom. the silver haired woman stuck out her tongue, shutting the bathroom door closed.

“i think 12 or 1am is a suitable time for us to sleep on tour” lucy said from the corner. she was zipping up her suitcase. “1:30 at latest”

you couldn’t argue with that. the events of today wore you down. you didn’t even know if you’d survive until 1:30.

phoebe opened the bathroom door, coming out in one of lucy’s hoodies and shorts. she quickly walked over to her own suitcase. packing the stage clothes into the smaller compartment of her bag. lucy was the last in the bathroom.

“when luce is out we can leave. i can order the pizza now? so it’s quicker” julien stood up with a sigh, cracking her back.

“sounds good, you know our usual” phoebe snapped her head over to you, pointing a finger.

“what type of pizza do you like? if you say pineapple on pizza i will kick you from this tour”

you raised an eyebrow and squinted your eyes. “what’s wrong with pineapple on pizza?” this made phoebe groan as julien chuckled to herself.

“this is uncalled for. i’m calling the tour manager immediately- give me my phone!” phoebe dramatically sighed.

“this is homophobic” you commented, a small smirk on your face. phoebes eyes widen as she gasps

“HOW IS THAT HOMOPHOBIC-“ julien bursts out laughing at phoebes outburst. lucy was stood at the door frozen, having walked in on this conversation.

“this is a homophobic target towards me and my like for pineapple on pizza” you joked, feeling yourself become a little bit more comfortable around the boys. phoebe snaps her head towards lucy, waving her arms around. “DO YOU SEE THIS SHIT?”

“i don’t know.. i kinda agree with them on this one”

“HOW DARE YOU-“

you sat back on the couch, trying to wipe the small tears from your eyes as you laughed harder.

maybe this tour won’t be as bad after all.

that is if phoebe doesn’t kick you off early for ordering pineapple and ham pizza.

#pom writes #younger artist au series #phoebe bridgers x reader #lucy dacus x reader #julien baker x reader #boygenius x reader #boygenius fanfic #boygenius au #boygenius one shot #julien baker au #julien baker fanfic #julien baker one shot #lucy dacus au #lucy dacus one shot #lucy dacus fsnfic #phoebe bridgers fanfic #phoebe bridgers one shot #phoebe bridgers au

[renaultphile]

That Bunny car scene

Hi there @telltaleangelina I just wanted to think a bit more about the scene with Bunny and Laurie in the car scene on the back of your ask/answer.

I think you really got to the heart of it with that line ‘the practiced inflection’.  Laurie uses his intuition a lot (sometimes without even being sure what he is picking up) and it’s just such a creepy line, indicating how Bunny seamlessly adopts that tone.  Although I suppose there is an analogue with Ralph giving Bunny ‘the straight look’ for the first time back at the flat.

It suddenly occurred to me that cars are so symbolic of male power at that time, and it evokes that horrible trope of men taking women out and expecting some kind of ‘payment’.  I wonder if Bunny is just so cynical that he assumes Laurie is paying Ralph back in kind for the lift, and decides he wants a piece of the action.  Or he thinks Ralph is being ridiculously gentlemanly about Laurie and wants to bring him down to his level.

I realised the scene provides a contrast to the earlier car scene with Ralph.  I know we love the little knee touch in the 1953 version when they are parked up at the scenic spot, but to me, she took that out for a reason in the 1959.  It shows the high level of tension (not just sexual!) between them and the way both of them are being hyper-vigilant – Ralph trying very hard to judge the moment with Laurie, and Laurie trying very hard to be respectful of the fact that Ralph has a boyfriend.  And also, Laurie sits in silence to avoid attracting Ralph’s anger when he hits the traffic.  And he is so uncomfortable with being dependent on Ralph – the number of times he tries to leave the party to get the bus, and he tries it again at Bunny’s.

I also realised that it almost doesn’t matter whether Bunny would have followed through with his threat or not.  It just conjures up the horrible thought that he is used to getting what he wants, and most of the time, people don’t stand up to him.  So perhaps this is a neat way to show Laurie’s strength of character in a crisis.

The other thing that is quite disturbing, if not surprising, though, is that Laurie then plays it down with Ralph.  Partly because he fears not being believed (a bit like Alec silently taking the blame for Bunny’s gossip for a quiet life), and partly to spare Ralph’s feelings.  I realised he would be very influenced as well by the ‘no snitch’ rule in school, where telling on another boy would be considered worse than the original offence.  But it is cowardly too.  I wonder if his anger on the staircase is partly fueled by his frustration at being put in that situation, the suggestion that Ralph is so inured to that kind of behaviour that he doesn’t even notice any more.  And in a way Ralph is responsible, because even if Bunny spiked his drink, he still chose alcohol over tea.  But Laurie is also too passive.  In the end Ralph ends it with Bunny without knowing for sure what he did.  Unless he knows because Bunny has form.  In which case why is he with someone like that?  Either way, Laurie’s horrible accusations on the staircase have the ring of truth.

And finally I can’t go without mentioning that other linked car scene – Ralph kissing Laurie on the first night at the party (very heavy hint anyway) when he is dreaming about his mother kissing him!!  And Ralph sitting there having a cigarette while he waits for Laurie to wake up is so sweet.

#the charioteer #ralph lanyon #bunny #laurie odell #TC Asks #Thank you again for answering my ask!!

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

high infidelity | four

I knew you’d linger like a tattooed kiss, I knew you’d haunt all of my what ifs. *Elliots POV* How did Noah get my number?  I gained my composure and got into my car. My eyes stared at the screen as I tried to figure out what to say to him. I missed him so much but I was still hurt that he walked away from me. Regardless, I would’ve done anything to find him, but he beat me to it much to my surprise. My phone buzzed and it was him again…I really needed to turn off my read receipts. “Danielle gave me your number. I just want to talk to you.” “You just left me Noah…” “You have every reason to be pissed at me but we both felt something last night…you know I’m right.”

“Are you still in town?” “I’m sorry but we left for Seattle an hour ago…” I wanted to cry knowing he was already in another country and not near me anymore. I sat in silence for a few moments as my head pondered about what I was going to do. All I knew is that Noah and I deserved another chance. I wanted to lay out all my cards for him and tell him everything he wanted to know. If he ran, at least I tried. I called Danielle as I drove home, trying my best to not run any red lights. “I’m sure you want to kill me for giving Noah your number but you gotta admit -“ “I don’t care” I cut her off, “I need to you go to Seattle with me tonight. I really need to see Noah. Please.” “I’ll be at your place in an hour.” The line died and I could feel my heart racing. There was no one in the world like Danielle. She had been my best friend since 9th grade and has had my back for everything. She was the kind of friend that would drop everything for you if you needed her. I raced home and began to quickly pack up some things. I figured what I was wearing would be fine for tonight so I packed some leggings, pyjamas, a hoodie, make up and my toiletries. Danielle was almost at my house so I went downstairs to wait for her. I was going to text Noah and tell him I was coming but part of me wanted to surprise him. “Call me after the show…we can talk then.” Danielle’s car pulled up and I took a deep breath before going outside. I was never one to do spontaneous things like this but the last twenty four hours haven’t exactly been normal. As much as I hated Tyler I knew Liam would be safe with him. I texted him to say Danielle had an emergency and she needed me. I got into the car and tears filled my eyes as I looked at Danielle. She grabbed my hand, saying everything and nothing at once. *Noah’s POV* I rolled over in my bunk on the bus after sleeping off the rest of my hangover. We were definitely close to Seattle cause I could see the space needle on the horizon.  I walked towards the front of our bus to grab myself an energy drink from the fridge to wake myself up. Bryan and Jolly were on the couch as they nodded at me before going back to Bryan’s computer to go over last nights footage. I sat down across from them as took a few sips of my drink. Folio came out of his bunk and plunked himself beside me. He caught me smiling at my phone like an idiot. “So, did she…” “Yeah.” I beamed from my phone, “she did.” “Fuck yeah!” Folio screamed as he slapped my arm. I had to laugh. He was such a child, but what other kind of energy do you expect from a drummer? “So when are you two going to talk or meet up?” “She said I could call her after the show tonight.” I mused as I took a long sip of my drink. Fuck these things taste awful but I can’t stop drinking them. “You should’ve invited her the show tonight.” Jolly chimed in. ”Fuck I never thought of that.” I muttered as I had a lightbulb moment, “when’s the next show?”

“After tonight we have two days off before we go to Vegas.” “I’m gonna go back up and see her tomorrow.” I said with determination in my voice. They all sent me sympathetic smiles before going back to what they were doing. My head hit the back of the couch as I took a deep breath. I always looked forward to shows but I was already eager for it to be over so I could call Elliot. She was the first woman in years I could see myself being with if I was given the chance. I’ve also never missed someone this much, it was actually starting to scare me. “You look very happy all of a sudden.” Nick said to me as we walked into the venue. “I texted Elliot earlier. She said we can talk after the show tonight.” “That’s great news dude!” Nick beams before grabbing his bass off one of the stands.

“Just don’t fuck up this time!” Matt yelled from his booth, causing me to give him the finger.

I didn’t say much after that but that stupid smile wouldn’t come off my face. The guys could tell how happy I was and their energy started to match mine. Our soundcheck went flawlessly and we were ready for tonight. The more this tour goes on, the more confident I get with my voice. Honestly, this whole tour has made me so fucking excited for this bands future. All the hard work was paying off.

#bad omens #noah sebastian #fanfic

[emetogirl]

I have never shared with anyone that I'm into emeto, but yesterday I got drunk and sick and though I could share it here.

I wasn't really planning on going out, but like right after I was done with work- I got invited to a birthday of a friend of my best friend. So I went. I said to my BF (best friend) that I was kind of tired and didn't know how long I would stay, but I always think that it's important to show up for my friends.

I had with me two ginger beers and a little over a half a bottle of bacardi razz. I'm a lightweight and usually beers get me pretty drunk, but since I had the bottle too, I thought I just take it with me so it would get drunk up.

The party was nice and we all had a great time with games, dancing and just enjoying ourselves. The birthday girl started to feel a little sick and gave her a glass of water and rubbed/patted her back to get little air out. She didn't end up getting sick though.

When we got to the club, it was like all of the drinks hit me. I was disoriented, felt sick and was just trying to hold it together. My BF quickly noticed that I was feeling unwell (we each have seen each other drunk-sick before). She got me a glass of water and when that didn't help, I moved to the bathroom and she gave me the message to send a message or call if I needed help. The bathroom were pretty small.

I crouched down in front of the toilette and felt the whole room spin. I was so nauseous, but it didn't come up. Since I felt so uncomfortable, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I stuck a finger down my throat, for once glad that my gag reflex is pretty sensitive and the floodgates opened.

There was first one small heave, with a little bit of drinks and food. Not enough to give me any sense of relief. Once I looked down, a big bout of illness came up. I had eaten indian curry for dinner and that mixed with the brown beers-made the puke reddish in colour. A few more gags, retches and throwing up, I heard the birthday girl yell my name.

I turned and unlocked the door for her and she came into the bathroom with me. It was very tight. She first said "shit", and then she started to mutter sweet nothings to me has I still felt sick. I kept saying I was sorry because I felt like I made a scene and burdened her with being sick. She rubbed my back and supported me so I wouldn't fall on the dirty floor. Once I was sure I was done, she flushed for me and sat me on the toilet lid. She gave me some paper to clean my face with- I hadn't really made a mess, since everything got into the bowl.

She supported me back to the table and gave me some water, but my stomach felt too finicky to stomach that. My BF found me and was like "You need to get home. Come, I'll follow you." She took me by the hand and supported me out. I also apologized to her since she now had to take care of me and leave the others, and she just told me to stop that kind of talk and that she was glad that I was safe. While we waited for the bus to arrive, she let me lean onto her shoulder, since I still felt dizzy and just talked to me to make sure I was okay.

I still felt the drinks when I left the bar, so when I got home- I was still very dizzy and sick. I went to the bathroom. Just got a few mouthfuls up and then just crashed into my bed.

I woke up like five hours later. I still think I had some alcohol in me and felt drunk not hungover. The room still spun and each time I shifted- I just lost all sense of whereabouts. I couldn't lay on my stomach, since it was so bloated and I felt ill when I did so. When I lied on my back, it felt like I was on a boat. I dry heaved over the trash bin my bed, but since I had emptied out completely, nothing came up beside some water.

It felt awful.

I slep like that, on and off for about five more hours. Waking up to heave the small amounts of water I managed to drink.

Once I did wake up and got myself out of bed, I had the more familiar hungover feeling. Still feeling quite sick, but not alarmed. I felt very tired and had a headache that was very strong. I did mange to eat, but I was very paranoid that I would get sick again. I took like two and a half nap during the late evening that helped a lot. I kept burping through the whole day, probs because of my bloated stomach.

I'm feeling better now. Have been able to eat dinner. I think I'll sleep good tonight.

I have more emeto stories that I can share, if you like it.

-Girl (25)

I love this story so much!! It’s so super sweet that your friends were there to take care of you. No one there for you like drunk girls in a bathroom are💕💕

I’d love to hear your other stories!!

#emeto #emetophilia #irl sick #irlsickstory #vomit tw #emeto tw #puke

[triplesilverstar]

Kids a bus and a headache don't mix

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Pairing: Vash X F!Reader

CW: Crying kids, headaches

Word count: 1.6K 

A/N: The second chapter of “I guess you’re friends now? That’s kind of annoying” which takes place between “Bounty Hunting 101” & “An idiot walking in the Desert.” You still haven’t lost Vash but at least he’s good with kids.

Hearing another round of crying start up you flinch. The past several hours on the bus have been like that, it was either screaming or crying from the child sitting with their parent in front of you. You’ve been trying to sleep since you got onto the bus and that plan has failed spectacularly, and the throbbing behind your eyes hasn’t been helping. 

Letting out a small grumble as you adjust yourself between your bag and the seat pressing more against the side of the bus and hoping against hope that the metal might be cool to help relieve the warmth radiating off your forehead. 

You’re exhausted. It’s been a week of traveling across the dunes and with your constant blond shadow, you haven’t been sleeping that much. Sure the two of you agreed to take watches at night but there was no way you were going to succumb to slumber when the biggest bounty on the planet was right there. Vash still didn’t make sense to you in your head, he was too much of a goofball to take seriously. Yet you’d seen others use that as a front before and there was no way you were going to give him the chance to slit your throat or worse while you slept. So you spent most of your nights in the desert pretending to sleep and you were beginning to pay for it in the form of your head feeling like it was on fire.

You’re starting to wonder what it’s going to take to get rid of Vash. A small part of you had hoped once you got to this town and you hoped on the outgoing bus almost as soon as you hit the town limits he’d remain behind. Nope. He was still hot on your heels and crawled into the seat next to you on the small passenger vehicle claiming he’d rather sit with someone he knew and a soft smile. 

You didn’t believe it for a minute. 

Another harsh cry and you squeeze your eyes shut. Even an hour of deep sleep would be a reprieve to the buzzing in your skull. 

Only for the cry to cut off suddenly. Opening one of your eyes to see Vash kneeling down in the aisle next to the kid and making what seemed like funny faces at them. His fingers pulled his lips in different directions and sticking his tongue out as if his sole purpose in life was to entertain this crying child. 

You can’t help but smile as the kid seems to be cheering up and Vash starts talking to them, asking where they’re from, where they’re headed. Does the kid like traveling? At one point he even asked him about his teddy bear which makes you chuckle as the kid seems to clutch it closer to their body. 

Yet after a few minutes of this, it’s like all the screaming the kid has done and with Vash’s short distraction they passed out. “Thank you.” It’s soft from the mother as you hear rustling that can only be the child being tucked against them, an almost collective sigh flowing through the enclosed space.

“It was nothing, all I did was talk to them.” He’s nodding as he stands and you think you hear a pop from one of his knees before he shuffles back into the seat beside you sinking down into the fabric with a thud and whoosh as the air leaves the padding. 

“I really don’t get you at all.” 

“Hm?” You’d kept your voice down to try and keep the risk of waking the kid again at a minimum and in response, Vash leaned closer so his side was tucked into yours with his head tilted so your mouth was near his ear. 

“You heard me.” 

“Maybe.” A low chuckle that you feel more than see. “I just don’t like seeing anyone in pain.”

“Pretty sure the kid wasn’t in pain Stampede.” Dropping your voice to just above a whisper because you don’t want someone confusing your words for something other than them crying as being in pain.

“I meant you.” What? Tilting your head to scowl up at him as he gives you a sad smile with a shrug of his shoulders. “You look like you’ve got a headache and could use the rest.” 

“Funny.” You snort turning your back more towards the window. “I wouldn’t have a headache if I could relax around you.” 

“Why don’t you think you can relax?” He sounds curious and you almost want to smack him. Almost. It’s like he’s forgotten that in the past few weeks, you went from trying to catch him for his bounty to him following you like you’re his newest toy he wants to figure out. 

“Did you forget the part where you’re a notorious skirt chaser?” You don’t bother to hide the disdain in your voice and he gives the smallest of jolts. 

“Come on now. I’m not that bad.” Through the reflection in the window, you can see the pale pink flush forming on his cheeks and his wide pupils.  

“Sure. At least here you won’t try anything.” Settling more of your weight against the inside of the bus and letting the sound of the tires across the sand and the humming of the engine in the much more silent bus lull you to a deep sleep and dreams of losing the humanoid typhoon. 

Vash for his part as you start to softly snore smiles, taking the time to move his own bag under his legs and sort of make a divider for you so no one else could see you. He hadn’t missed the fact you weren’t sleeping, it wasn’t like he was either. 

So when you hoofed it for the bus he had a nagging suspicion you were trying to get rid of him. 

Vash wasn’t an idiot. As much as he played the fool for his own advantage and to hide behind a mask he wasn’t stupid. He knew that following you was a bad idea after you offered a truce of sorts, he’d been burned before by such tactics. The second he dropped his guard you might tie him up and drop him off at the nearest outpost for the seven cities and laugh all the way off into the sunset about how you caught the great humanoid typhoon. Just another bounty hunter who wanted that large paycheck and the rest of their life on Easy Street. 

But. Biting his lip and turning to look at you now on the bus as you slept like the dead with your chest softly rising and falling. Something in him stirred, deep down in his core as his heartbeat remained steady and the flicker of a flame started in his chest. 

You weren’t like that. 

He’d seen it firsthand more than once now. When you helped save that little girl in the saloon, going after the kidnappers and making sure everyone escaped and it almost costing you your own life. He knew if he had let you fall that day that would have been the end of you. No one comes back from a fall from that height, you’d have been nothing but a pile of meat and bones. And the latest incident. He knew it was eating at you turning that just past being a teenager and his two friends over to the local sheriff. Heard as you worked long into the night on cleaning your rifle and into dawn. You can’t fake guilt like that. He knew that all too well. You cared about people no matter how much you tried to put on an act as if you didn’t care, the clenching of your fist and the way you had snarled at one of the deputies when they hit one of the bandits on the back of the head like a feral creature as you spat out they weren’t going to do anything. 

You had thought he had been judging you. When really he had been marveling at you. You did what you were good at to survive while trying to not take anyone else's chances away. That single small flame of hope flickered in his chest again. If you could see the hope in people how many others were out there like you? Those who believed in a blank ticket to the future without knowing it.

Hearing you give a slightly louder snore and shifting he smiled as he reached over to adjust your jacket that you were using as a blanket over yourself. Part of that same hope was that he might have found someone to travel with who understood his morals as well, a slight cure for his solitude.

Back to Masterlist for the series

#vash the stampede x reader #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #trigun #twink writes #Bullets Bandits Ghosts & Typhoons #tristamp #vash x reader #vash x you

[enden-k]

You mention that you're quite a sleepy person. Is it an energy expenditure thing, a medicine thing, or a I-have-no-fucking-clue-why issue?

Sending love over ♡.

more of the third. im a really really sleepy person in general (unless im having an episode) and i can usually tell what kind of sleepiness im experiencing, like when its of mental nature (depression etc) or physical nature (sunlight and warmth, after intense physical activity, pollen allergy puffing up my eyes etc)

but theres this kind of sleepiness (the one thats bothering me sm) i really dont know where its from; i get the hours of sleep i need to function but i wake up like i havent slept at all. then im wide awake and energized for a few hours until im suddenly so sleepy, i often doze off right where i am (often unfortunately at my desk, in class, even the train or bus) i need naps in the afternoon and still feel tired. i can still sleep at night despite naps but i wake up often. caffeine doesnt rlly hit anymore. i have chronic migraines in general and often my headaches are triggered by too much sleep (too much sleep!!! imagine) some days (like today) my sense of balance is off and i cant even walk properly, im swaying to one side like one part of my brain is heavier. probably the one filled with thoughts about kvthm or smth smh

whats bothering me the most is that sometimes im so sleepy, i can feel my brain is not working properly and i have trouble forming a thought or just focusing. im non speaking but im pretty sure if i would try now, i would probably be even worse at communication than usual bc i usually have to focus hard and rn i dont have that focus. it really troubles me

anw i doubt its caused by mental health issues as i dont feel the usual signs my body sends, and its not bc of allergy or any of the meds i take. and its confusing as hell bc im a healthy boy!!!!!!! i only drink water, my meals are balanced, i love the sunlight and fresh air, i dont smoke and i only drink on occasions ughhhhhhhh ppl actually think im lazy and comfy jsut lazing around all day and happily napping away when im home. id rather use the time im wasting on naps for smth more useful, it really sucks

anw this got super long sry, just proof how much it annoys me that i complain this much ig 😩

#sorry for rambling this hard ill just pull this out and translate and show it to my doc for help lmaoo #reply #personal