#middle and high school

[okamikami1996]

Chapter Three- Disabilities and School

I'm going to say two words and almost all of you will probably not even need to read this chapter: Middle School. Let me say two more that will probably have half of you running for cover: Girl Drama. One word: hormones. Last word: disability. I'm pretty sure most of you already know what I'm getting at: my failed middle school career.

My family may have had a little-- or maybe a lot-- of trauma from the response to my 504 plan in elementary school, to the point where we didn't even try in middle school. We were too afraid of disappointment. So we shut up and allowed ourselves to suffer in silence. My school placed me in algebra. If you've read chapter two and how I have dyslexia, I'm pretty sure you already know that math was not going to be my favorite subject. My first year of middle school I flunked my math class. God awful. Math became not only my worst subject, but my least favorite subject. It also became another thing that was wrong with me. My ego was the equivalent of an egg that had been dropped, had cracks, but had somehow managed to retain its ovular shape. My math teacher saw I was trying-- and God knows I was, lunch periods, asking questions, getting tutoring, trying to get seating that was away from chatterboxes, asking for more information-- he gave me a C, instead of the D that my grade most certainly was. My mom had me retake the year. Guess what? I got an A. Weirdly, it didn't give me that "Oh, I actually am smart feel", instead I felt like I just got lucky. Self worth was almost a zero. I wanted people to accept me as I was, but it isn't that easy. I should have understood that, but I think I was desperate for someone to like me despite having four disabilities: I told people that I was ADD, I told them I was bipolar, I told them I took medication. It didn't go well. I still had friends, thank god. However, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure how healthy some of the relationships were. Two of my friends thought I was an attention hog. Can't blame them, how many disabilities did I have? How hard was it to have them? How many boys bullied me? To them, I probably was fishing for attention. It's kind of like Trump says: "There's no such thing as bad publicity". Maybe that's what they thought I was doing?

I had another friend who argued with me about whether it's sadder to get a puppy and watch it get sick and die, or have a dog your whole life and have it die. How many times did I tell her that I thought both were sad? I also had a super amazing friend who stayed with me from the 5th grade. She was literally my saving grace up until high school when we went to different schools. Middle school was mainly a development of extreme depression that was kept hidden by my friend group. In all honesty, I was lucky to have a friend group at all with how disabilities and taking medication was seen at the time.

I was taking 90 mgs of Abilify (no idea if that is how it is spelled) and 900 mgs of Seriquiel (no idea if that is how this is spelled either). For any of you who don't know: these are dangerous amounts of drugs to take. Like really, really dangerous, and my doctors probably should have lost their licenses. The reason behind my taking so much drugs was simple: if 60 mgs don't work increase it to 90 mgs. Yeah. According to them this was the only drug to treat bipolar disorder we HADN'T tried.

High school was absolute hell. My friends all went to the other high school, and I went to the new charter school. Fun, right? I had learned more or less what a shit idea it was to announce that I had disabilities. Well, just being depressed for now reason was no better. Or not being able to hear people. Let me be straight, Da Vinci Charter Academy was a school that valued group projects. We had no choice but to talk to each other and communicate. Everyone at the small community school thought I was just being difficult. That I was faking not being able to hear. After a few failed attempts at taking direction for my peers I was cut out, even if I asked for them to write it down.

"Nevermind." That is all I got back. Finally, I closed myself off. Completely from everyone at school. I'm pretty sure high school was also when I began to hide away in my room all the time. I began to see kitchen knives and stand in front of them for ten minutes just trying to get myself to kill myself and be done with it. I had an impulse I could not control where I would blurt out, "I hate myself and I deserve to die". I almost blurted it out in the middle of a lecture more times than I can count. There would be times where I was actually happy and laughing with my family where I would all of a sudden just say, "I hate myself and I deserve to die". I ruined a lot of happy moments with that. It was an impulse that I could not control. I couldn't go to therapy, my first and last therapist, Susan, was a mistake my family could not afford to repeat. So we just followed what the doctors said and added more drugs. I was numb to almost everything but my own pain. I didn't trust people, I couldn't take compliments. There was a boy who tried to hang out with me, but I told him to just leave me alone because he was friends with the boys who hated me. Imagine walking up to a table or being invited by another girl and have the group stop talking when you came to sit down. Imagine trying to join the conversation that started back up and have everyone just be silent. Imagine having people tell you to just "go the fuck away" when you came to talk to them. By year two, I didn't speak to anyone unless I had to. I had to constantly remind myself that my classmates were not to be trusted.

I had a teacher named Mr. Milsap who was pretty nice to me. We had moments of awkward silence when I answered questions, but I really liked his class. Loved it. I surprisingly don't remember very well when I got my 504 plan reinstated. I should, but I don't. I know it had to be in the second year of high school, when I was so depressed and miserable at school that I was literally barricading myself in my room so I didn't have to go to school, that my mom had enough. She thought that the kids would at least stop leaving me out of conversations if they knew I had a hearing disability. I was against it, at first. Terrified of what would happen if everyone knew I had a disability. We held a meeting. I had to sit and listen to teachers compliment me on my strengths. That was torture. I had a physical aversion to being complimented, like I needed to leave the room right away if someone did. It was painful to be complimented. I remember my teacher Maestra Rameriez was the teacher who I owed the most to. She was a woman who never treated me inferior to other students despite my butchering of the Spanish language in class and my endless need to repeat things. She was the most accepting of my 504 plan. If she ever reads this, and knows who I am: thank you so much, you have no idea how much you meant to me in school.

Mr. Milsap was not. In fact, he argued against it the whole time. I remember nothing after the first part of the meeting when the teachers all went around the table and complimented me. I do remember almost word for word the conversation afterward where my mother spoke to me about her less than spectacular impression of Mr. Milsap. I only know that he was the only person to argue against my 504 plan through her retelling. I don't think I actually remembered even as we drove home that day. After that, my time in his class became terrible. God awful. He would often yell at me randomly in my TA class with him. Then, there was that project. We were told to give a presentation on how someone had discriminated against us. I used my hearing disability. I had been given hope, finally. It was true, the kids no longer left me out of conversations now that I had a 504 plan. I thought maybe this would further turn the tables. At least twice a week I took the project into Mr. Milsap until he told me I was sure to get an A. Full credit. I got I C. Why? According to him, I went five minutes over the time limit. Two grades lower because I went over the time limit?

That may have been it for me for a while. I didn't talk anymore in that class, or not as much as I had been. My ego had been shot again. I was still majorly depressed. I could tell you good things about people who constantly bullied me or spoke rudely to me, I don't think I could have told you one good thing about myself. I was a wreck. I was constantly fighting with my mother, a few times I almost ran away from home during my nightly dog walks. I lived for the most part like I was dead. I graduated high school went to a community college, and got hit with something much, much worse: rheumatoid arthritis.

#disability #depression #middle and high school #failure #autobiography

[incognitopolls]

Note: Not counting raffles/sweepstakes/lotteries. If you got top 3 in a competition and personally consider that a form of winning, that counts as winning.

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

#polls #incognito polls #anonymous #tumblr polls #tumblr users #questions #polls about school #school #elementary school #middle school #high school #students #education #schools #school competition

[pomegranatevampire]

FNAF fanart in 2023? more likely than you think. 13 year old me would be very pleased with this development.

(I need him)

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf fanart #fnaf movie #mike schmidt #playing FNAF at 7 and then going to see the movie at 17 just something funny about the cyclical nature of time #I am soooooo coooollll as you guys can tell #coolest kid in middle school/ high school

[currentlyonstandbi]

imogen asking how nick met charlie and the others, and nick struggling to explain the phenomenon of gays just naturally gravitating towards one another without outing himself

#like if you were gay in middle/high school you KNOW okay you just know #all the gays picked up on the vibe and formed one massive collective of homos #if you were in that group and straight? no you weren't #heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #nick nelson #charlie spring

[dramatic-dolphin]

the world is so beautiful..... one time after it rained i scooped a snail off the road and deposited it on a plant. a woman came by and saw me staring at the plants intently and asked "oh, did you save a snail?" and i went "yes! :D" and then we both just stood there silently watching a snail climb up a leaf for a good few minutes. <3

#also one time in high school i was late to class a few minutes because i had to save every snail i saw from the middle of the road #teacher didn't mind. she was also late to class for the exact same reasons #i saw it. she was walking in front of me. #united in watching out for the little guys

[s1mpl3sp0ng3]

this would not leave my head until i drew it. those aren't even the only things she has with faggot on it

#dumb ocs #BEFORE ANYONE SAYS IT. i had this word hurled at me all throughout middle and high school. i grew up in the most homophobic part of alabama #i have not been able to reclaim it for myself until very recently #that being said i have changed my mind and am going to tag for it #f slur #doodles

[jq37]

OK Brennan, if you aren't gonna let me have Aelwyn posted up in the manor at all times, having her use her dramatic villain skills to protect Adaine before going off to teach middle schoolers is the next best thing I could have hoped for. What a mental image--Ms. "I Came Here To Fuck" teaching cantrips to eleven-year-olds. Wild.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #d20 #d20 spoilers #aelwyn abernant #NEMESIS WARD #I'm obsessed with the concept #also I always headcanonned aelwyn as going CPS but middle school teacher is SOOOO good #God I hope they crash a class at some point #can you imagine her having to protect a class of kids from some end of the world bullshit? #I can only dream #you think she's teaching at the school the child dwarves they beat up go to? #Oakshield I think?

[mangobubbletea7]

DSMP 2020: Minecraft youtubers make uncool teens learn literary analysis

QSMP 2023: Minecraft youtubers make uncool young adults learn Spanish

#/pos #I might actually use what little I learned of middle and high school Spanish classes watching these streams #with a lot of help from google translate of course #qsmp #quackity smp #quesadilla smp #dsmp #dream smp #mango speaks sometimes

[forestmossling]

you all seem to like steddie marrying and building a family together in their thirties so much, but what about them playing house together in elementary? never thought about that, huh? what about eddie weaving a flower crown for steve during recess and proposing to him with it behind the school in fifth grade? what about steddie marrying each other when they’re twelve with wayne officiating their wedding in the yard in front of their trailer at sunset? what’s with everybody being so keen on letting them fall for each other in high school at earliest? why not make a ten years old eddie profess his undying love and devotion to steve while he’s playing a knight defending his princess? why not let steve make amazing sand pies for his husband, who is hard at work looking for cool rocks for him outside? never thought about writing that, huh? cowards.

#this is me humbly requesting kids steddie being in puppy love for each other if that wasn’t clear #making steddie high school sweethearts is not enough i need them to be middle school sweethearts #wayne officiating baby steddie wedding came out of nowhere but now i’m obsessed with this idea #steddie #kids! steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #get steve harrington to be loved and appreciated agenda #steddie idea #steddie fic prompt #steddie hcs #stranger things headcanons #fic prompt #as in #please somebody write that i’m begging you #i was giggling when i wrote this #steddie au

[nasa]

Top Study Tips from NASA

Study smarter this school year! We asked scientists, engineers, astronauts, and experts from across NASA about their favorite study tips – and they delivered. Here are a few of our favorites:

Study with friends

Find friends that are like-minded and work together to understand the material better. Trading ideas with a friend on how to tackle a problem can help you both strengthen your understanding.

Create a study environment

Find a quiet space or put on headphones so you can focus. You might not be able to get to the International Space Station yet, but a library, a study room, or a spot outside can be a good place to study. If it’s noisy around you, try using headphones to block out distractions.

Take breaks

Don’t burn yourself out! Take a break, go for a walk, get some water, and come back to it.

Looking for more study tips? Check out this video for all ten tips to start your school year off on the right foot!

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

#study #studyblr #study blog #NASA #back to school #space #tips #youtube #study tips #college #university #high school #middle school

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

#polls #incognito polls #anonymous #tumblr polls #tumblr users #questions #school #high school #students #middle school #growing up #polls about school #submitted nov 2

[talesfromthebandgeekmafia]

“This season Kristen is learning that chaos isn’t cute” MY ASS.

SHE IS WINNIE THE POOHING IT IN A SCHOOL HALLWAY.

#just full pussy out at 11:30am on a Monday #campaigning for student body president at a steelworkers union and the middle school #the Applebees batshit spirit is alive and well #dimension 20 #fhjy #fantasy high #fhjy spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers #spilling the Tea

[macksartblock]

could you do some gothcleats? pretty please

anyone else haunted by snowballs at school dances? no? just me okay

#i'm aware what time it is but idc i did this while updating baldurs gate lmao #dndads #dungeons and daddies #gothcleats #lincoln li wilson #scary marlowe #one school dance is not enough i know my school had a few a year but i *know* american schools LOVE dances let them be awkward and have fun #norm would be scheming he'd have written their names on that fucking clipboard #he and taylor would bring it right to erica like call em girl please #for anyone who doesnt know what a snowball is this makes no sense but essentially #there'd be two clipboards by the dj: one for music one for names paired together for slow dances #every so often the dj (another student) would slow down the music and call 'snowball' meaning EVERYONE would form a big circle #and the pairs called would move into the centre for the slowdance portion it was MORTIFYING #(this was middle school not high school but still #my artwork

[kiisaes]

koi food

#thinking about how bkg likely regrets exploding+throwing away deku's notebook #i wonder how it'd be like if high school bkg and middle school deku met ...? #bnha #mha #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bkdk #(it's not really bkdk i guess. just some introspection on their relationship) #fan art #becki draws stuff n stuff

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Netflix made a very in name only live action adaptation of South Park. Like, it had more of a school focus, the boys were aged up to middle/high schoolers, Cartman wasn't as fat or evil, etc. It got canceled after 2 seasons.

#dream #Netflix #south park #live action #school #middle school #high school #cartman

[ayilings]

they’re formative yaoi to me

#ohshc #ouran #tamaki suoh #kyoya ootori #tamakyo #kyotama #ouran high school host club #ouran hshc #i keep doing little scribbles like this between writing my thesis #i write half my methods section n then im like hm…..that anime i liked in middle school………. #also trying to be more normal about posting unfinished/sketchy things online :] #2024 #ayilings