#ppl are weird and do weird things when they’re insecure

[total-drama-takes-the-squeakquel]

jock is so good because theyre so toxic and not good for each other and she brings out the worst in him and he brings out the worst in her and they fight so much and kiss and make up and shes constantly touching his chest and pushing him around and he does the same to her and he clearly respects her and calls her maam and jo is clearly insecure about her appearance and brick can make her cute outfits and make her feel better and brick has that whole need to be dominated shit and a second after that jo shows up and bosses him around (that line was clearly alluding to her cmon now) and shes given him the most nicknames out of every other contestant and does that squat thruster thing at him (THAT WASNT EVEN A SQUAT THRUST MIND YOU. why did she do that) and then pulls him in by his hand to say "no welcome to MY team" and their faces were even closer than zokes in every interaction theyve been in and she showed genuine kindness and concern for him when she pulled him out of that grave in ep4. not to mention that music playing in the background mixed in with zooming in on their hands... at least a few ppl working on the show lowkey shipped them. cmon now. even chris acknowledges their romantic tension "mm this tension is so delish i could kiss someone!" (referring to the romance between anne maria and vito all episode) then says "maybe brick and jo wanna kiss and make up?". they totally wouldve made up if there were no cameras but theyre both pussys. she loves to tease him and get on his nerves. brick has a traditional mindset as in the sense that hes the man and has to be in charge and jo humbles the shit out of him. "never met a girl stronger than me!" god i hope she humbles him like that more often. and shes proven herself to be physically stronger than him on multiple occasions too.... jock is just such a fun dynamic bc they kind of hate each other but theyre still frenemies and jo sees him as a more worthy competitor bc unlike lightning she can actually have productive dialogue with brick, meanwhile lightning doesnt even know his ABCs. she literally joined the rats team JUST TO BE WITH BRICK AGAIN. in the intro shes seen beating a punching bag, catches cameron, and immediately disregards him just so she can run after brick and beat his ass. and she does beat his ass. in ep2 brick tries to dislocate his hip just to impress her, this man in down bad. and jos insecurities would be so bad bc she doesnt think shes desirable at all for a relationship, bc she clearly wants one. on her deathbed shes sad shes never had her first kiss. brick fell first but jo fell harder. do you see my vision. they only knew each other for 7 episodes but they made they most of it and had so much natural chemistry. bricks a gentleman and jo loves that bc she can take advantage of his good nature. she loves his chivalry and will still use it against him. brick tries to stand up for himself and fails every time. They’re both too prideful and embarrassed to admit their feelings to one another so they never do, their first kiss is in the middle of a heated argument where jo just suddenly pulls him in my the dog tags and kisses him. After that they can’t look at each other for 2 weeks and enter a weird situationship where they’re too afraid to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend and don’t adopt those official titles until 3 years later. They get married to spite one another. The only reason they’d ever have kids is to prove who would be the better parent. They make EVERYTHING and competition but to them it’s the most romantic thing imaginable. Brick is lovey dovey and jo finds it so obnoxious but she secretly likes it. She wears the pants in this relationship. Bricks need to be dominated was clearly alluding to jo and I’m tired of this fandom pretending it wasn’t. I really am. #toxicheterosexualcouple for the win.

Do you ever think about how Jo’s craziest dream was letting a guy win because she found him ‘attractive?’ Because i do. I lie awake every night in bed thinking about that. I take that as jock evidence idgaf. Jo could never find him physically attractive anyway, she finds him more cute in the way you find a German shepherd cute. She thinks him and his stupid gestures of kindness are annoying and endearing. She loves him. He loves her. She hates him. He hates her. They’ll never be able to be healthy, and they’re not supposed to work out at all, but somehow they keep running back to each other. They make each other feel emasculated. Idc if girls can’t feel emasculated, that’s the best way to describe how he makes her feel. She hates having a crush on him because it makes her feel ‘girly,’ and by her standards, weak. Brick is a gentleman, as described by her, so hed be expected to go for a girl who’s more feminine and ladylike. But you know what he does? He goes for the hot tomboy jockette who will beat him to a pulp. Brick has that “i could never hit a woman” mindset but jo pushes him over his limit and when they get into a seriously heated fight it is soooooo good. Brick knows her behaviors are not healthy and he wants to help her be a better person, but his heart says that she’s fine as is because he loves how mean she is to him. ‘Jo is like this bug; she’s always trying to get under my skin!” SHE WANTS YOU BRO. Guys are so bad at picking up signs istg. Do you ever think about how jo also sees heather as a worthy competitor? And what do brick and heather have in common… dark hair, dark eyes, a cleft chin. That’s Jo’s type. The best Jo ship is debatable, since jomaria transcends levels of holiness that jock is still struggling to reach, but bricks best ship is objectively jock. I’m tired of pretending that Brott is any good. Brick would not be Scott’s type whatsoever; Scott is into bossy ladies, he wants to be bossed around and told what to do. Brick had his ‘need to be dominated.’ Too conflicting. Tired of pretending that Scott would be the ‘dominant’ one in any relationship ever but ill have to stop myself before this turns into a Scott mischaracterization rant. Do you ever think about how jo managed to convince brick to give up the cadet code for a few seconds? The cadet code; bricks life. He lives by that shit, and jo is the only person who’s managed to convince him to abandon it. Do you understand how significant that is? How much is shows how brick respects her? He is willing to abandon his morality just because jo told him too. That sure is something. Do you ever think about how in ep7, Brick voted Lightning at the elimination ceremony instead of jo? Jo receives her marshmallow first, indicating that brick must’ve voted for lightning since jo received none. And brick had even more reason to vote off jo. Brick was on much better terms with lightning. I bet you brick didn’t even vote for jo in ep4 either. Look at how often jo touches his chest. Jo, you do not need to be doing all that. In ep2, after their morning run sequence, she places her hand on his chest as she speaks to him. Brick is busy GAWKING at that hand. He sure is starting at that. She wants you bro, stop being oblivious. Back to when brick dislocated his hip just to impress her— jo seemed impressed for a moment when he told her about his boot camp stuff! Until he dislocated his hip and arm. She made fun of him for that. She thinks his dorkiness is endearing.

Need everyone to stop sleeping on their dynamic bc they were the best part of s4 idgaf anymore. Brick and jo for the win and I’m entirely convinced that if ROTI got a s2 they would’ve gotten together I’m not even kidding.

-

#total drama #long post #jo td #brick td #jock td

[lowkeyremi]

Boys a liar pt 2

Anime characters I think would match w the lyrics (pls don’t come for me this is just my opinion 🧍🏾‍♀️)

CW: Mentions of breaking up, insecurity, fluff, a lil bit of angst, etc. (BEING A BAD BITCH)

Including: BNHA, Haikyuu, JJK, Demon Slayer, HxH, AOT, Food Wars, and Saiki K

“Because you only want to hold me when I'm looking good enough..”

They think you don’t find them attractive unless they’re all dressed up (BUT YOU LOVE THEM TO DEATH EITHER WAY)

↳ Kirishima, SERO, KENMA, Aran, Inunaki, GIYUU, MITSURI (yk, they used to tell her she has too much muscle to be a woman), Leorio, Knuckle Bine, MEGUMI (food wars), Ryo K, KAIDO, Armin, CONNIE

“Every time I pull my hair was only out of fear that you'll find me ugly and one day you'll disappear…”

Very insecure. They believe that you’ll leave them for the dumbest things. Constantly needs your reassurance. (Comfort your baby D:)

↳ AMAJIKI, Jiro, ASAHI A, Koganegawa, MEGUMI F, GENYA, Obanai, FEITAN, Levi, AKIRA H, Zenji M, Hairo (Saiki K), Toritsuka

“What's the point of crying? It was never even love..”

Finally over the relationship. It took them awhile to get over it but now they appreciate themselves and are happy w/o their ex :)

↳ MINA, Twice, NOYA, Yamaguchi, KUROO (shut up idc he has emotions), Nobara, TODO (I think he gets attached too quickly), Tanjiro, Rengoku, Killua, Pakunoda, Jean, IKUMI M, ALICE N, Nendo (mah baby), Rifuta Imu

“So I tell him it's one of me, he makin' fun of me.. (HA) his girl is a bum to me”

Wonders why they even dated their ex. Realized they could do WAY better (Better being you ;D) I’m telling you as soon as they see their ex’s new partner they literally can not stop pointing out how they can’t compare to them.

↳ MONOMA, Dabi, SAKUSA, TSUKKI, Mai Z, Nanami, SHINOBU, Kurapika, Bisky, Mikasa, Annie, Soma Y, TAKUMI ALDINI, Asahi S, Teruhashi, KUSUKE S

“Bet he blowin' her back, thinkin' 'bout me 'cause he know that ass fat (DAMN)”

They’re the kind of person who broke up w/ their ex and they know said ex wants them back. Anytime the ex calls they’ll show you and joke about it. They think it’s funny.

↳ MIRKO (no further explanation is needed), BAKUGO, Hinata (hear me out..), OIKAWA, ATSUMU, Geto, GOJO, TENGEN, Illumi (he’s a bitch so yes), Shizuku, Eren, SASHA (I don’t wanna hear nuthin abt this one), Erina N, Saiki, Akechi Toma (100% I mean his weird ass was trying to stalk Saiki)

“But I don't sleep enough without you and I can't eat enough without you. If you don't speak, does that mean we're through?”

They NEED you to survive. You’re their life and they get sad when you aren’t around. Get anxious thoughts when you guys don’t talk for awhile. They try to hide it but it’s obvious.

↳ Denki, AIZAWA (we have the same birthday so I would know :P) BOKUTO, Suga, Aone, SEMI, YUJI I, Mahito (he’s everything starved), Zenitsu, AKAZA (he dotes on ppl sorry not sorry… I mean he was down bad for his wife) INOSUKE (trust me on this one) Gon, Kogumi, IKALGO, KITE, Marco, Historia, YUKI Y, ISAMI ALDINI, Gin Dojima, K. AREN, Y. Chiyo

#BNHA #bnha #mha #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugo #mha denki #mirko #mha kirishima #mha aizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa #amajiki #sero hanta #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #bokuto #hinata shoyo #tsukishima kei #sakusa x reader #sakusa #atsumu miya #oikawa toru x reader #kenma x reader #kenma #kuroo x reader #kuroo #nishinoya yuu

[gayleafpool]

Give me some Varian and/or Hugo related angst

Just rip my skin off with it

Go hard bestie

FUCK YEAH

-i think all interpretations of donella are fun, she’s not real so ppl can imagine her in any way they’d like. however my interpretation of her is that shes. kind of awful. she’s cold and distant and imagine she likely had a rough upbringing but she’s the type to think it made her stronger SOOOO she subjects hugo to the same things she went through to try to make him stronger. perpetuating the cycle type shit. i think he got his eyebrow scar from her. i think as he grows older is capable of physically overpowering her but he is so afraid of her that he would never be able to do it because she has so firmly cemented herself in his mind as someone he needs to fear and respect. i also think that donella does actually care about him but she’s so awful at showing it that it doesn’t matter. and when hugo finally is able to leave her behind she’s kind of shocked and it prompts her to try to make things right but it’s just too late there’s nothing to salvage

-building off what i just said i think donella would be very adamant about hiding weakness and pain n stuff. so when hugo gets injured on a mission he learns he has to hide it or she’ll yell at him for showing weakness. so he learns to either take care of his wounds by himself if they’re bad enough or just try to pretend they’re not there. fast forward to him meeting varian and he gets injured one day idk stabbed or something and nobody sees bc he hides it but he can’t get access to stitches or anything to clean it for a lil while so it gets infected and he gets ill and then of course varian finds out and helps him clean the wound (his hemophobia ran away for the day idk. or maybe the wound isn’t bleeding anymore so it’s fine. or he’s not looking too close) and hugo is like. pissed tf off because he hates that he needs help and hates how it makes him feel and varian is just so kind and gentle with treating his wounds and it makes him feel WEIRD and i think after that he has a bit of a moment bc being cared for after so long of not being able to show pain just kinda makes him realize how sick of this he really is

-when varian finds out how badly hugo had been treated by donella i think it would help him forgive hugo fairly fast bc varian understands how it feels to be used and manipulated by someone who has power over u. i think i’ve said it before but i think he had a real bad time in prison. why did they put him in a cell with a grown man. that was such a bad idea. i will not go too in depth abt it but i think he endured a number of types of abuse while there and i also think he would struggle to understand that it was a bad thing. he just lost all of his friends and his father he’s got nobody i think he would be so desperate for someone to care about him that it doesn’t hit him how fucked up the things he went through were until a little bit after getting out of prison. i think he ends having major issues with dissociation after prison bc of what happened to him and he’ll just kinda space out. i have soooo many feelings about this actually this is something very personal 2 me i could go on and on and on damn maybe i should write a fic. alexa play hard times by ethel cain but heed the content warnings

-hugo has major issues w food insecurity. he spent most of his life having to struggle to steal his own food bc donella couldn’t be bothered to take care of him. adjusting to a life where food is always readily available and free would be hard for him. i think it would make him angry. it’s just been this easy this whole time for all these people? why did he almost starve so many times back when he was just a kid? why did he watch the same thing happen to other kids around him? actually just in general i think hugo harbors a lot of anger and frustration towards royalty which again. makes living in the palace very tough. i think it’s at a level where he’s not even annoying and antagonistic towards most people in the castle it’s just like this quiet hatred bc it’s a wound that cuts so deep for him. he doesn’t even really wanna speak to them. doesn’t wanna be around them. i don’t think he really ever gets over this and i think the only person he ever really truly grows to trust (besides varian) is cassandra actually bc she very much understands how he feels

-varian varian varian my bpd king i think he is so talented at forming unhealthy attachments. he’s a weird little guy who spends all his time in his lab so he did not have any friends as a kid and probably got bullied tbh i mean he’s a tiny little nerd and basically for the longest time his dad was his only friend thus u have his first unhealthy attachment there which would explain him going off the deep end when quirin gets nerfed. i also think he got extremely attached to rapunzel eugene and cass as soon as they were nice to him bc again. no friends +ough the disorders. and he puts them on a pedestal. i think this also happened w andrew while he was in prison. and this habit of his makes him miserable bc he gets upset when he can’t be the center of their universe or when other people take priority over him or when he’s not getting the attention he wants but it also makes him more likely to endure being treated badly bc he can have a hard time differentiating between good and bad attention

-i think hugo is scared of becoming anything like donella and he’ll often catch himself doing things to other people that she used to do to him the cycle she perpetuated is so aggressively trying to suck him back in bc she’s literally all he ever knew. he had nobody else to look up to and all she ever taught him was how to be cruel and how to use others and hurt them when they didn’t behave the way you wanted to and it sucks bc he has seen that it WORKS. it’s awful and it’s cruel but it works. and sometimes his brain will tell him that it would be so much easier to just scare someone into doing what he wants but then he remembers that’s what donella would do to him and he just kinda. spirals because he can’t take the idea that someone who caused him so much pain is becoming a part of who is he and he can’t stop it because it’ll happen almost unconsciously sometimes

#asks #OUGH I EXPLODED SORRY #they have soooooo many issues #abuse #<- just in case #also there probably so many typos in this #varian

[femmefatalevibe]

hellooo,

i need help. in my friend group we are 4, and i’m the most introverted. my friends are super sweet like our friendship is so open and we talk abt everything but the thing is, they’re so much more outgoing than me and like even when we go out or to parties and hang out with other ppl they always shine, like they’re so fun and funny and all the attention is on them, and they’re just genuinely being themselves. i hate to say it but i’m so jealous and insecure from that. i love them to death but i just feel like the side character when we hang out and idk how to change that…

i hate the way this sounds, i’m not bringing them down at all i love them and they make me so happy but i can’t help but comparing and noticing how i often just end up drifting along with them… idk what’s wrong with me, i don’t know how to be comfortable to be myself at all times or how to be a version of myself who’s so confident, careless, fun and outgoing like them, i just don’t know what’s wrong with me i just feel like the duff (designated ugly fat friend) when i’m with them, even tho that’s not how i perceive myself normally at all but i just feel like i’m awkward and weird compared to them i get so uncomfortable and anxious i don’t know what to do

sorry if this is all over the place, love you lots !! 🤍

Hi love! I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Social anxiety and any related insecurities can feel like a bitch lol. Know that you're not alone! Most (if not all) of us feel this way from time to time or at some stage or season(s) of life.

When you doubt yourself like you were at a party or while typing out this ask, consider this mindset reframe: Think about this situation from a purely logical POV. All four of you are good friends for a reason. You see each other as equals who all bring unique qualities and personalities to the friend group. Being different allows you to contribute a unique (and necessary) energy to the friend group. Feeling like you're less than others leads to self-fulfilling and unnecessary misery.

Before hanging out with your friends again or going to a party, take some time to consider your best qualities, personal strengths, and talents. Focus on these qualities and allow yourself to validate how these aspects of your personality make you unique, not incomplete. Fake confidence until it becomes innate. Remember that your presence is valued. Tell yourself that you're the hottest person in the room with the most confident attitude and important things to say. People will begin to believe that you're confident and secure with yourself when you give yourself permission to internalize this reality for yourself.

Sending love! Hope this helps xx

#femme fatale #life advice #dark femininity #dark feminine energy #social skills #high value woman #high value mindset #self confidence #self improvement #inner work #queen energy #dream girl #it girl #relationship advice #friendship #self concept #self esteem #femmefatalevibe

[fairycosmos]

I really want to meet gay people but I basically live in the country side and am disabled with no drivers license…… do you think it’s okay to just show up at a gay bar in a bigger city on your own? Like I have no social skills and am not a looker and I don’t want to hook up with people…. just you know make friends and build a community, so I don’t go crazy in this town because I always have to hide that part away and everyone here is homophobic but it’s not like I’m dating a woman so why do I care, if you know what I mean? Like they don’t know I’m bi, so ya know, and I’m still living at home, and I don’t want my parents to know because they’re very conservative etc. basically asking should I do the scary thing and go out of my comfort zone to meet people who are like me or just stay at home because I’m scared of embarrassing myself and getting rejected by an entire community because I’m too ugly? 😬

dude whatttt you should definitely go like there's literally nothing wrong with seeking community......ofc be safe and smart ab it and make sure youre looking after yourself though......i have this exact argument with myself every time i debate on going to the city to go to the gay bars and honestly what ive noticed is that i make all these excuses like oh pol r going to find me ugly / weird whatever so i feel valid in not going and like im somehow protecting myself when really all im doing is projecting my insecurities and missing out on potentially positive experiences and still despite knowing this i struggle very much to go still......and this isn't me saying it's not hard to find it in you to pursue and acknowledge and validate this aspect of your identity bc it issssss hard and scary and not straight forward. but i can absolutely promise you that a whole community of ppl is not going to feel the way you feel about yourself in your lowest moments. and honestly if you're not looking for a club setting or to hook up then just look for lgbt events and groups within that same city for a more casual approach at meeting like minded friends......whatever you need and want is OK. rooting for you! 💖

#anon

[iamfabiloz]

I love and heavily relate to Nightheart because of how much he reminds me of how I used to be from like 14-16. I genuinely do not think that I have ever found a fictional character to be more relatable before, for better or worse! A lot of this may be from the fact that I heavily relate towards his identity + name change issues (I am FTM trans so I’ve been through similar) and in my perspective I really do believe that he’ll come to realize later in the arc that part of his issues are his OWN fault - he’s pushed everyone away and then wallows in his own self-pity, not realizing that he’s gotten himself into this in the first place. He keeps taking out his insecurities onto others, believing that the world is out to get him - IE thinking Squirrelflight, Flipclaw, Thriftear, Finleap, Brightheart, etc are all purposely trying to hurt him when they’re… clearly not. He even gets defensive when Sunbeam calls him by his old name without possibly having known any better. Although I do think that Sparkpelt’s actions at the beginning of Sky in particular are pretty questionable… very guilt-trippy and manipulative, I guess? But other than that and Myrtlebloom’s off-handed snarky comment, nobody is really attempting to target him at all. They don’t understand WHY he wants to carve out his own identity within the clan, and he’s too insecure about it to actually explain the situation to his clanmates in a reasonable manner. He thinks that he has a deeper kinship with Bramblestar due to their similar identity struggles and such, but all Bramblestar does with this trust is use it to get back at his wife for some petty reason - which is quite sad, really. I genuinely believe that the point of Nightheart’s character is to start out highly insecure, rash, and defensive as he’s figuring himself out on the inside, and will develop into a much better person once he’s done so and can learn to be happy within his own skin. In this case, I actually would have to say that I think some of the transgender undertones were intentional on the writing teams’ part - obviously we won’t get an openly transgender character in the series, but I do feel like there are some underlying themes in Nightheart’s story that definitely parallel transgender peoples’ experiences a bit too much to be a coincidence. Maybe this is a bit of my own bias speaking here, but he reads as very much transmasc / FTM to me personally. I don’t think any of this justifies his behavior / the rashness of his actions, of course, but I think that’s the point. He’ll (hopefully) be able to carve out his own identity and life in ShadowClan without constantly feeling as if he’s in Firestar’s shadow, and he’ll learn and grown because of it. At least, that’s my interpretation of how things are most likely to play out - and how I HOPE it plays out, because that would send a really good message to the audience out there. It took me way too long within my own life to realize that it was me pushing everyone around me away and not the other way around, so I would hope that these books can help show people that they’re not always in the right, even if it might feel that way in the given time - and that it’s okay to recognize that fact and learn from it. Sorry for the rambling, I just really wanted to share my perspective on this!

Ooo this is a really interesting take, n ur opinion is totally valid!! And tbh I agree w u about relating to Night, bc i see some of my worst traits in him too, especially when I read river for the first time KWJW those feelings kinda faded w this book, w all the weird stuff goin on, but yah I get what u mean. Also yeye im trans too, and I can see some of the stuff ur talking abt n how trans ppl can connect to nights character.

And same I really really hope nightheart has a character arc or smth and the narrative realizes he’s in the wrong and makes him take responsibility and figure out his issues so he can be his own cat n understand where his family and tc clanmates r comin from!! Erins please don’t make us have read nighthearts misery hour chapters for an bummer ending AA the idea for like an unreliable narrator and pov who’s in the wrong is rlly interesting in concept but the way the Erin’s have been executing it is rlly weird n insufferable 2 me oof JWJW Erins please have ONE writer who knows what their doin!!

Was cool to hear ur thoughts about night :0 this makes me reconsider him a little JWJW picks him up by the scruff n shakes him, kitty u would be so much better if anyone else wrote you

#warrior cats #ask #fellidate #asc spoilers #asc #sky spoilers #river #a starless clan #nightheart

[denimini]

unpopular opinion, maybe? I think everybody is being a bit dramatic about this lack of BD post. Am I the only one who’s not thinking anything about it? As to this day, I have literally 0 idea what Jikook are now. I used to think they were dating, now I’m on the fence. Could be, could have been and have moved on? To me it seems a bit weird for them to go from super lovey dovey to super close friends in the matter of ~ 1year or so but who knows.

but I don’t think much of today’s lack of interaction and Jungkook not posting. most years I wasn’t too impressed by his bd’s posts for Jimin. It never felt particularly special to me. I remember discussions about it year after year between "insecure Jikookers" and the hardcore believers. Last year’s video was 😳🧐 but that was an exception (okay maybe add that cute Twitter post he wrote some year, the one with the #sorry). With him being busy right now I wasn’t expecting anything, and I never really expected much from him the previous years anyway

I feel some of us who are unsure about Jikook today after years of thinking they were a thing, we can’t help but to wait for a sign from them especially Jk. Some are waiting for something like GCF, something big, but I don’t see anything remotely similar happening now with the popularity he has. Maybe because they’re simply not together anymore. or maybe because he’s solely focused on his album now.

More generally, I’m a bit confused about Jk’s direction now. It lacks something for me to truly believe in what he says nowadays and the music he’s putting out there. sorry, I still love him but there’s something that just doesn’t work for me, I can’t exactly pinpoint what it is. it just doesn’t feel truly authentic to me. I find most of his interviews around Seven - and 3D even more - boring and his words pretty empty..sorry. I know some ppl are going mad when we say this but it’s my opinion. Anyways. In my opinion, he’s trying to curate his image and be a bit more in control of what he shows of himself? He hasn’t shared much in his last lives. The vibe is different than at the beginning of the year. And he did say he was trying to not go on weverse as much as before because he was advised by his team, if I remember correctly. He also deleted his last tik tok because it wasn’t going with the image he wanted for his account. I don’t know, with his album coming I think he’s just focused on work and more careful about his social media presence.

At the same time, I’m side eyeing hardcore Jikookers because they are saying whatever to keep the fantasy going. If Jk didn’t spend some time with Jm today, then it is weird. No need to come up with ridiculous excuses. But we just don’t know much. Right now we just have to do with the uncertainty, but I won’t lie and pretend I’m still sure about them because I am clearly not anymore. Ouch, sorry for the rant

This is a very reasonable opinion, actually.

I think you are right in the sense that many people waited for a sign from JK and didn't get it. Many Jikookers are awfully quite right now, or are you just saying they didn't think it was a big deal in the first place, yet these are the same people who would have been ecstatic if JK had posted something and would have used it as "proof." I think people should be honest with themselves and admit that the lack of a sign is sometimes also a sign.

That being said, JK was never the best when it came to bday wishes, but still, he always made some effort for JM (except in 2020). And since things look the most unstable between them that they have in literal years, it's kind of normal to hope for something more and be disappointed when it doesn't happen.

I feel like Jungkook is in a particular place in his life as a whole. I think it's normal for people who have been fans for a long time to feel somewhat disconnected from him at this moment, as these are sides of him none of us knew. It's also normal for his music to feel inauthentic, considering he didn't participate in any stage of its creation. The truth is JK was offered these songs, and he simply took them. His work right now is a mere product, a way to achieve his goals for success and fame. Of course, it would feel impersonal when it didn't come from his own self. These are just songs that anyone could do. They are made to be popular hits and he sings then well, but there is nothing more to them.

#jikook #kookmin #jungkook

[kackle]

Lol just had a mini conflict with some ppl on Twitter, imma bring up points that they made and my responses. I find it interesting on how they seem to be recycling the same points and then just cursing and insulting the bylers lol.

Btw, i tried to keep on a non bias agenda during these so keep that in mind.

WARNING: Very long post

Person One (talking abt a byler shipper) : I genuinely have no words.... Like the way they're all completely refusing to comprehend the monologue and Mikes love and care for El.... They would rather cut their right arm off than see an abuse victim finallv receive the love she deserves it's absolutelv sick.

Lmao the amount of inaccuracy from this take ^

My response: I mean they're kinda right? Mike had to be pushed and encouraged by Will to say those things in first place. He couldn't say it when El was literally being choked to death he had to be reminded of the painting that he thinks El commissioned. (she didn't) "You're the heart mike"

Person One (Talking to me) : If Mike didn’t love El, how would the idea that she thought he was the heart change that? The reason Mike needed help to say it was because of his own insecurities, not because he didn’t mean it. No matter what pushed Mike to say it, the fact of the matter is that the contents of the monologue are all about El, to El. A huge monologue. Mike doesn’t tell her because he thinks El helped with the drawing, he told her because Will made him see that his love is valuable

My response: Not what I meant lol. My theory is that he didn’t love her as much or in the way el wanted him to or maybe that he was falling out of love, and the way that Will described it to him resonated with him and helped him gain confidence to say I love you, whether he meant it or not. Imo, I think that Mike doesn’t love el the way he’s supposed to and he’s recognizing it and maybe feels guilty about it so saying “I love you” is like lying to her face. Plus I doubt it’s bc he’s insecure El has told him time and time again that she loves him. She’s told him in letter after letter after letter. Told him in S3 and kissed him while he just stood there with his eyes open not touching her, just being completely still. Which is..weird, considering he was making out with her at the beginning of the season. If he was really insecure and his whole thing about saying it and admitting his feelings would make the day that El realizes she doesn’t need him anymore hurt more is strange bc that just exposes him for thinking he’s nobody while El’s a “Superhero” El herself didn’t want to be called a superhero she wanted to be recognized as her own person, a normal person, like Mike. And those insecurities of hers are shown when she says she’s different, and she doesn’t want to feel like that. And yet mike keeps saying it?? In short he’s basically saying, “I’m insecure because I think I’m dating literal superman and I’m a nobody who just happened to find her in the woods that day.” That makes El feel like her and Mike are too different and just “a superhero” and nothing else, and mike can’t see that.

Person Two (Talking abt my first response) : In that moment it didn’t occur to him because his main priority was making sure she could breathe. Plus don’t forget the fact that Mike was about to tell her he loves her right before Argyle interrupted. He had already attempted to twice before but was always interrupted. + It does feel a little cheap though that Will had to prompt it. Idk I feel like that wasn’t the best writing. Mike should of said it on his own since he’s always felt it.

My Response: They could have easily made them cool and a power couple at the end, and set up for S5, make Mike have an actual good monologue, and a kiss at the end.. but they didn’t and it’s either they have no Idea what to do with them or they’re trying to set something up.

-not to mention the time skip, it happens right as the climax is finishing but we don’t get to see it? Why?

Person two: Imo the Duffers just aren’t that good at writing romance tbh. They thought him saying it while El was in danger it would be more impactful. Which in a way it was but Will shouldn’t have had to prompt it. Unpopular but all the couples besides Lumax aren’t written well this season. Even Lumax at points as well. I love them but most of time they are broken up and they just feel like friends. I know lovely dovey isn’t them but I honestly can’t tell if they were officially still together or not last season besides like the first episode.

My Response: They have so many relationships to fix up that I have no idea how they’re going to fix it all in 12 hours or less? If just a dumb decision on their part. Especially with Mileven, they could have fixed that relationship if they chose to keep Argyle out, but. They. Didn’t.

Person Two: I heard season 5 might be shorter maybe like 9 or 10 hours. Idk why they like to push everything to the last minute. That’s why everything feels so rushed. Jopper is definitely the most solid couple atm.

My Response: Exactly, and they have so much to repair with Mileven so I question their decisions and their writing skills atp.

Person 3’s response to a Byler: one thing bylers are going to do is somehow make mikes monologue about will.

My Response: Lol Mike probably wouldn’t have said those things without Wills encouragement just saying.

Person 4’s Response to me: He was about to tell her i love you in season 3 before he was interrupted and when they were eating pizza before he was interrupted.

My Response: You realize that the van scene was before that right? Also we don’t rlly know that I’m sure he was going to but the duffers didn’t do that. It doesn’t make sense to me, it would have felt more meaningful if he said it on his own, without being encouraged in that moment. Which is just confusing? Why save Mileven for later? They could have easily had that convo, have El know that he already loves her and have her fight on her own. They could have ended it like they usually do and have then say I love you and kiss.. But they didn’t? Imo, If they rlly wanted Mileven to be as good as ships like Jopper and Lumax then why? It just doesn’t make sense and neither does mikes monologue. They ended it off with, “???” With Mileven. They could have easily had a set up where Mileven was a cute power couple by S5. 🤷‍♀️

Person 4’s response: He opened up and that takes time? He’s struggled with his experiencing for opening up. If you haven’t experienced struggling with your emotions in a relationship, don’t speak on it. He took his time and that’s okay.

My Response: Lol I do, I hate talking abt my feelings personally. Which is why I kinda relate to Mike. But if I knew someone loved me that much, when they show it and tell me, then I would say it. And if my insecurities were causing the other pain then maybe we need time away. In a realistic stand point that isn’t healthy. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel insecure, especially if it isn’t their fault. That’s problems that you have to figure out yourself. And mike always wanting to be with El and being over bearing Like that is not healthy at all. I used to ship Mileven but the way they started to portray it in S3 & S4 is not it. If they want them together they shouldn’t have written it like that and waited all season to repair their relationship in the last season in which they plan to be Shorter makes no sense at all. If anything with the amount of ships they left in the dark ST5 might just turn into a drama romance scifi if they aren’t careful. Imo, Mileven is beyond repair, and if they do it’ll probably be poor writing, and undermines their characters like hell.

Person 4’s response: He was going to in season 3!!!!

My Response: Yeah but they never made that happen?? So why would they do that? To save Mileven till last season? That’s stupid and just causes unnecessary drama. The amount of Milevens I’ve seen change from wanting them to just be friends bc of season 3 & 4 💀💀

Person 4’s response: Well they’ve had Development and if you can’t see that, that’s your vision which I can’t change. The duffers worked really hard on this season and Probably wanted people to ask questions. He also said he’s loved Eleven since he saw her. Speaks for itself.

My Response: Lmao well that’s rlly bullshit and rlly questionable on their part. In S1 E2 they discuss abt what to do with el bc if you found some lil kid in the woods wouldn’t you take them in? Mike had a whole ass plan of what to do with her and to “Send her back to wherever she came from” And then “we’ll too totally be in the clear and tomorrow night we’ll go out and this time we’ll find will.” His main priority was finding Will and he was just being nice. The only reason why she was kept there was bc the “bad men” were after her. If he rlly loved her then he would have kept her in his house just bc he loved her. Not to mention the ST writers don’t believe in love at first sight and kinda clowned on it with Argyle and Eden in that one scene. So It makes u question if they’re bad writers, Or if Mike monologue’s was lies. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s both lol.

Person 5’s response to my first response: Don't you guys really watch the show Or understand how screen writing works Mike tried many times and he was interrupted by Dustin and argyle The whole monologue thing was designed Because it's crucial in the end Where el fights vecna It's all a pattern.

My Response: Yeah but It would have been better if he confessed without being interrupted and El could have gone into the fight knowing that mike loves her Just like Max knew her friends did.. But they didn’t. In which completely threw away her independence arc. She needed her bf to save her when they could have set it up differently, but they didn’t? Which is why I think if they don’t make Mileven break up or at least work thru their problems then that’s just horrible writing. They sacrificed her whole character dev for a cute scene.

Person 6’s response: I think mikes hug with hopper was pretty meaningful towards future mileven. they came full circle with that duo bc there won’t be young love dramatics next season. The resolved the dumb tropes from s3/4 (hopper not liking mike/Mike’s ILY) and set them up fairly well for s5 Aside from El’s likely internal self hatred after the max/ vecna fail. I’m sure after what he told her, El will consider herself the monster again or at least the one to blame for opening the gate in ‘83. That’s probably the only source of tension mileven will have going into s5

My Response: Yeah that may happen too, there are too many things going on in their relationship and too many conflicts to workout, considering that they left all of the other ships in the dark, Ie, Mileven, Byler, Lumax, Jancy, Stancy, etc. Also a lot of unanswered questions. Also considering that they’re aiming for only 12 hours or less, and the fact that they have to fit in the sci-fi / thriller concept is a lot to grasp. And they also broke from the pattern where one of them says I love you or kiss and the end.. That didn’t happen? To me if they wanted Mileven to be canon they should have stuck to the pattern that they had usually had instead of saving it with the next season when they have a lot of things to wrap up. Which honestly tells me they’re mainly going to be focusing on will and the ships in ST5. If they want to start another conflict in a season where all of the other ships are in a conflict as well is confusing and it makes me feel like it will be rushed and poorly written. I hope that they were planning this and can turn it around, but I don’t have much faith.

I wanna hear what you all think of these interactions and I might post more of these lol ppl on twt funny 💀💀

#and tbfh if byler isn’t canon we just got queerbaited and finessed #byler tumblr #byler #byler season 4 #mike x will #mike wheeler #will byers #elmike #people on twt are funny #Milevens are so defensive and mean? 😭😭 #duffers are confusing the fuck outta me #duffers what the fuck were you thinking #please duffers #duffer brothers #el hopper #eleven

[tiffanytoms]

Do you think one of the reasons why (the vast majority) of Jily fics consist of the same recycled tropes and characterizations is because the Jily fandom (or at least a vocal minority) is less receptive to anything different like fics where the characters are more morally ambiguous/not as perfectly brave+good as they’re usually portrayed?

Hello!

Okay, I am going to answer this question like it was asked in good faith and is not a trap - and really hope that one of the 50 trolls I've blocked doesn't come out of the woodwork bc their spidey-senses started tingling and they just can't wait to yell their Karen opinions at me (I've been traumatized... can you tell I've been traumatized? 🤪)

Yes, absolutely yes. And I would agree it is a vocal minority, bc my anon asks and reader stats have never been better than for my darkest fic. Even the ppl who ended up turning on it were some of the biggest fans/reviewers/ask-senders, etc, so, at the end of the day that's their problem with human psychology and not me.

Morally ambiguous content is DEFINITELY popular, but you got some really loud, obnoxious, morally-superior purity warriors who (can't read warnings and tags), I guess, are here to cleanse all our souls by chastising and bullying others (??) whenever they admit that they like anything different, and that (understandably) pushes ppl back into the shadows. You can one thousand percent enjoy something that you know is bad for you or that you shouldn't. (Hello, sugar? Alcohol? Anything fun? Hahaha) Guilty pleasures are not a crime and reading literal crimes is not a crime. Seriously. You can read about murder and no one has to go to jail! 😱

But let me explain myself further: do I think popular tropes are a bad thing? No! Obviously if so many ppl are writing them, ppl like them! I enjoy them too. I think that's great, write away, but I think there's a problem when ppl are actively trying to stop others from writing anything different bc it's not what they personally want to read. We don't cater to entitled narcissists around here. It's the internet. There's enough room for everyone and ppl gotta learn to share their toys, lol. It is really sad bc over the years I have seen other specific writers (weird that this seems to be a recurring theme...) bullying away several amazing, original writers and that's just all sorts of fucked up. You can't tout this perfect utopian community by ostracizing and lying about anyone who dares to think even slightly differently than the norm. It's dumb as hell, and really insecure on those writers' parts. And frankly, I'm pissed they keep getting away with it.

That being said, let's veer into less nefarious waters and say that these ppl didn't lash out due to jealousy and marking their territory, but bc ppl in general are scared of anything new and what they don't understand. Ppl are creatures of habit, so if enough ppl write Jily in a specific way, that way almost becomes canon. For example, I will never forget my complete 'HUH 🤔' moment when someone was sharing my non-problematic, canon story WAYDTM (so they were clearly a fan) and tagged it as 'OOC'. Bc in my head I was like............. how are they out of character? We literally only know xyz about them and THAT'S IT. But it was completely bc so many ppl had written Lily and James in that specific way that that was almost what was expected. Me making James actually be an asshole at the beginning was marked as 'out of character' even if it made complete sense for the way I told the story.

And to that I say, fuck that.

No one here owns Jily, no one here knows Jily, bc Jily does not exist, they are not real, so write them however the fuck you want. It literally hurts no one, it is a story.

If ppl read the story, cool. If they don't, also cool. But at the end of the day, this is fanfiction over fictional characters, and if you're not allowed to play, then what's the fucking point.

I think it boils down to 2 camps: ppl who want to read/write aspirational Jily, and ppl who want to read/write messy, real (sometimes bad) Jily. Both are completely acceptable and wonderful and AWESOME, and we can have both. We just need both camps to mind their own business (but feel free to travel between them! That's cool!) and live and let live and not pretend like either is better than the other.

It just gets so fucking weird when you have ppl trying to tell you what you can or cannot do. Cut that shit out.

Thanks for the ask 😁 Sorry I got a little heated, this has just been a lot.

#fandom etiquette #live and let live #don't like don't read #awkward turtle #anon asks #free the Jily!

[insomniactalks]

sooo people (r*na’s) are starting to talk about this. Im getting a little worried, i mean there’s nothing to be worried about i know my pw will be engame but this still could mean something, right..:(

Meg Donnelly talked about HSMTMTS in a recent interview and she revealed that she had filmed a lot of scenes with Matt Cornett which means EJ and Val will have a friendship. "When we filmed High School Musical, most of our scenes were together so that was really cool. It was so easy and so comfortable and we actually got so much closer on the High School Musical set. It was really weird not seeing him in a blue wig, but nonetheless, it was great." (This part is from an anon but still addresses what you're asking about so I'm putting it t/g.)

Here's the article everyone's freaking out about LOL. I have quite a few asks in my inbox about this part Meg talks about, so I will try to answer them all today (some t/g to save time). First thing first, let's all take a nice, deep breath. Okay? Breathe in. Breathe out. Now, I don't think we need to worry all that much just yet. Didn't we all predict months ago there was a strong possibility EJ and Val could be childhood friends from camp? Maybe they’ve been attending Camp Shallow Lake since they were junior campers and have always been close friends. Does Meg’s quote here really surprise anyone? To me, it just (partly) confirms Val and EJ may share history/a friendship and they’ll use it as an opportunity to show EJ’s growth as a character from the last time he attended camp (when he food poisoned Emily so Nini would be the lead). Val was presumably there at camp when it happened. But EJ doesn’t operate the way he used to (during his selfish 1.0 days) and Val may very well call attention to that. If they are good friends, maybe Val will let the audience know that she sees a real change in him from last year. He’s not who he used to be. The EJ now is “a really good guy” (2.08) who tries to do the right thing (in the right ways this time!) Just b/c “most” of Meg’s and Matt’s scenes were t/g doesn’t inherently mean that’s the end of Portwell lmaooo. Meg also said a few weeks ago that she feels like ppl will “really like” her character, even tho Val will contribute to some drama this season. I don’t think she would make that claim if most of the audience was supposed to hate/dislike her. I’m not getting antagonistic vibes from Val given her character description, which implies she won’t be just another Lily. Tim also said the Wildcats would “come head-to-head and heart-to-heart with Shallow Lake campers Jet, Maddox, and Val," which very well could mean Gina misinterpreting EJ and Val’s relationship at first before she has an eventual heart-to-heart with her by season’s end. Please keep in mind this show spent 2 whole seasons building Gina and EJ up as individual characters first, then progressed their story t/g. It took them 2 seasons to even agree to go out on a date together. With S3′s timeline being only 2 weeks, I doubt Val will cause any lasting damage to Portwell. This is the first season that they’re dating and we, the audience, get to see EJ and Gina as boyfriend and girlfriend for the first time. It’s more likely Val will force EJ and Gina to confront any insecurities in their relationship during these 2 weeks than Val causing them to permanently break up. Plus, as far as we know, Meg will be guest starring only in S3. I don’t think we’ll see her character again for any future season(s) considering Val may be based in California, not Utah. I get the feeling once the trailer is released, Val’s part in the trailer may be deceptive in that it’ll look like she’ll cause bad drama for Portwell, but it could actually be the good kind of drama that will help strengthen them in the long run. TLDR: don’t stress over Meg and Matt sharing “most” scenes together in S3. I know Portwell have a tough season ahead of them, but who says they won’t continue on this journey together? Val might just help EJ realize just how much he cares about Gina and how different his relationship with her is from his previous relationships. We just won’t know until S3 starts airing.                        

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts speculation #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts s3 #hsmtmts val #meg donnelly #matt cornett #tim federle #ej caswell #gina porter #portwell #gina x ej #ej x gina #nini salazar roberts #thanks for the asks!

[spywitch]

I saw this utterly baffling tiktok that was like “blue haired they/thems are ruining the queer community and alt fashion” and the comments were full of ppl agreeing and being like “yeah I don’t wanna even wear piercings or dye my hair anymore bc I don’t want people to think I’m one of them.” I just like don’t understand HOW bootlicking bitches like that exist.

Like, these must be the high school bullies who attacked all the queer and neurodivergent kids bc they were heavily closeter, and they STILL haven’t learned how to Not completely dehumanize others over harmless shit. I swear its a gross defense mechanism, where people just easily internalize the hatred they see spewed at the community and desperately need to seperate themselves from it and put themselves above others.

And like I say that because I’VE done that, I can be pretty judgemental and easily get the ick over simple things like other ppls interests, style or small behaviors… but I also like lol am self aware enough to recognize that I’m often just being petty or projecting insecurity about my own “weird” or undesirable traits… and I also am not an absolute fucking prick who acts like people I don’t really like or find cringey are subhuman and somehow harming me or my community.

Like genuinely what the fuck do these people think is so bad about Blue Hair Nonbinary whatever the fuck? Like oh what people won’t “take the community seriously” because their entire experience as queer people isn’t centered around misery and wishing they were cishet? Like people can transition and change their names and pronouns but you draw the line when its weird ones you don’t like? Cishets will notttt pick you lol, no matter how you try to pick apart and generalize other people based on how they appear and seperate yourself from them, cishets will use you to project further violence against the entire community and then eat you up too.

And my GOD, those weird and annoying queer people paved the way for the rest of you fuckers. Those fearless alt bisexual girls and flamboyent gay boys and Nonbinary Blue Haired SJWs who came out and fought for themselves first in your middle/high schools and are always the first to challenge the general homophobic and transphobic sentiments of the entire group/generation… just for these bland ass wannabe assimilating gays to be like “ew they’re RUINING the community.” Actually die

#I guess i get kind of personally irritated about this because like. even though i was a quiet kid and not super loud and outspoken and #*weird* in that way. i WAS insufferable in the SJW blue hair kid way. but I was RIGHT and everyone ignored my passion for equality and #facing injustice and shit bc they just werent super on board with it yet. and NOW all the ppl who never had my back then are like oh yeah #im an ally i support nb lgbt blm whatever and its like great. took you long enough to get to that point #while i was the ‘too extreme’ liberal kid (which lol when i look back at those posts now im like way farther left now) but now ppl finally #have realized in the post trump and post pandemic era that shit is Bad #like ppl acting like Trans Nb people just suddenly popped into existance after the pandemic… or like thats when BLM started. like no yall #just werent there with us and were indifferent when all that shit REALLY started around the early 2010s

[roo-bastmoon]

the over-analyses of that single picture with bang pd seem so weird to me.. yeah jk does look a bit unimpressed/standoffish but it’s just one pic. are people always smiley on every single pic? i don’t understand how we can draw any conclusion regarding his relationship with Jimin or a supposed problem he could have with bang pd over a single picture.. I think some people have a hard timing coping with the lack of jikook and Bts recently, i kinda understand i miss them too, but we got to get used to it, it’s going to be like this for a while. Being too attached to them isn’t healthy. Memories 2021 are coming though and i’m willing to bet jikook are gonna be seen jikooking as per usual so why the panic? i swear after years in this fandom it’s not a myth, it’s always circles of insecurity/ppl claiming jikook have broken up or were never a thing (usually because Jk didn’t behave as ppl wanted him to) and then a new bomb drop and jikook are the same as usual. maybe it’s because i’m a older army/jikooker, i feel so chill and not worried at all about them lol i think they’re very secured in their relationship and are probably taking some good time off together and don’t have much time to think about army!

See, all of this right here. So valuable.

It is so helpful when older Army like you chime in and help flesh out the picture for newer Army like me. I'm sure it gets exhausting to reassure folks all the time, but your voices are needed.

I think certain people who want a certain relationship to be true will jump on any apparent excuse that JK can't stand Jimin because that is a helpful narrative. I also think they will flat-out make up things to support the relationship they want to be true. Real Jikook fans need to avoid such temptation. Let's just honestly look at what is presented, and if it doesn't make sense to us, hold tight, don't jump to conclusions. Jimin flat out said there are things they can't tell us and that is hard, and he's not asking us to understand, but that it would be good to take them at their word. So let's chill and do that. <3

[061801]

#randomcomplaining I gotta have the most fucked up group of friends ever. I need to classify each group because if I go back and read these for myself I wanna know who I’m talking about.

Ok so we’ll do:

Exhibit A- will just be my closest guy friend cuz I hangout with him a lot

Exhibit B- my brother, his bf, and our best friend (I don’t think I ever really complain about them besides when I argue with my brother but i will probs write about good things too)

Exhibit C- old workers from my first job (2 girls)

Exhibit D- old coworkers from my recent job (4 girls)

I wanna explain each group and why I feel like idrk if I want these ppl in my life except for a small exception of exhibit B because they’re basically family. Only thing is they all use substances that really influence my decisions on whether I use or not which is not their fault but it’s toxic for me to be around that environment. Otherwise

exhibit A- started off as just a friendship, we both told each other about guys and girls we liked or wanted to be with. Then he developed a crush on me which was fine for me at first cuz it’s not rly my problem (respectfully) now he’s overly touchy like even being in public he’ll try and grab my leg and make it seem like we’re dating or something and I feel like he just wanted to assert dominance to other men in the room like “don’t touch her she’s mine” WHEN IM NOT LOL. At first I felt bad but I’m so fucking sick of people feeling so bad for him because he’s so nice and he loves me so much. He’s a great person, but not for me. And idk why people can’t just respect that and stop making me out to be a villain because I don’t have feelings for someone. This is kinda my fault I guess but I used to change in front of him and I didn’t rly care cuz I thought we had established that we’re just friends. Well now when I ask him to look away he really thinks he has the right to go “no I’ve seen it before idc.” Or most the time he does look away but gives me a hard time. There’s even been times where he looked back and was like OH MY BAD I thought u were done like no u didn’t lol u just wanted to be a fucking perv. So obviously I’ve established new boundaries, I go to my bathroom to change, I literally scream at him when he touches me, I always talk about guys. That’s the funny thing too he calls me such a whore and I’m fake just cuz I don’t wanna be with him.

Exhibit C: I actually really love these girls. I’ve never had any issues with them. Tbh the only reason I ever debate if I should let them go is because I feel like I’ve been a bad friend. We all started to be friends because we worked at the same job and we all liked to party and we were all lowkey a little weird. We moved on in life and they both have full time jobs, both in relationships, and I’m still partying like a maniac so I think they just don’t want to be around that which I totally understand. I started to feel sad because they never invite me to places they go but that’s cuz they don’t always wanna be all drunk and fucked up and tbh I never ask them to do shit either so in the middle of this post I acc asked if they all wanted to hangout and play video games

Exhibit D: ok this group of ppl confuses the fuck out of me. Everybody talks about each other like someone’s always mad at one particular person in the group I feel like, or worried about someone. I’ve had one person in this group steal from me. She’s jealous of all of us. One of the girls in the friend group only talks to me when nobody else is really there otherwise I get ignored I feel like. Sometimes I feel like they’re just trolling me too but that could be my insecurities. These people never ask me to hangout anymore and tbh I don’t rly care lol I hung out with them when I was in a really bad spot in my life and although they’re not the reason for it I just associate them with that time unfortunately. I don’t mean to but yeah

[floradewdrop]

personal - dec 30, 23

i’ve legit stopped reaching out to anyone bc i have to schedule time two weeks or a month in advance

this isn’t to say they’re shit or doing a bad job, like fuck that they’re great friends, it’s not their fault. i just need to make that clear before i proceed for myself _ it’s just capitalism and what it takes from us. if you read this u know who u r, i promise i love u and it’s not about you or anything. i’m just pissed at y’all having to be slaves to working until you die.

but unfortunately with my mental illnesses, my isolation and insecurity has be believing , i truly don’t feel anyone wants to drop things for me anymore, and that sounds so selfish and petty and i suppose it is. but then when i think about how much i want to reach out and just ask for physical support it has to be scheduled. emotional support can only go so far and it’s starting to suck more and more that i’ve literally just stopped looking at my phone bc it makes me so sad that id really love a supportive community to be there for me but it isn’t like i need, and im so selfish for saying that i hate it. i hate that i doubt this delusional shit in my head i just wish my brain could be like,,, chill about something suddenly happening without thinking the world is going to end, what im going to do, how do i reshape my life around this

but then my therapists tell me it’s natural to want that and to be desperate for it when i’m lonely like this, to validate the suffering because it’s real and happening even if it’s to none of my friends’ direct fault,

but then i also don’t have family to lean on.

my reach of contact is one of my therapists and it helps a lil bit it’s just a text and nothing personal like a friend can say or offer, so i ask friends for good vibes, but i feel so crap about myself i think they think im such a nuisance bc i need to much support and that i ask too much of them

i got ghosted this past week asking for physical support after they offered it and i got ghosted - it was a communication error that they didn’t get my text (even though it says delivered) and they were the last friend i though could offer some physical support bc they live closer , even tho it was a miscommunication it still sucks to be waiting around on my phone all day waiting for them to keep their word and didn’t

i’m really glad my therapists are upping my care this coming year, because i’m unfortunately too incapable / disabled to lead a capitalist life. you’d think it would be super cool but when i can’t even get two days in a row to be consistent enough over a decade now but it’s actually fucking not - to live disabled is to live in constant pain and just fucking doubt in myself of ever leading a life that isn’t servitude to my parents or gvnt for money, but that struggle isn’t too different from the average american anyways, disability or not, it’s just shit here.

i can’t believe it’s been a fucking decade and i’m still living day to day mentally and have lost more “friends” in my life than have gained in support and im still crippled by the tiniest infractions in my day.

fucking everything i’m diagnosed with, just fuck them all. i know capitalism sucks, but i don’t think some ppl realize how desperately i wish i could at least get my own job to pay my own life’s way, but i cant. (maybe one day? but a long time from now)

i can’t believe i’m in my 30s and having to have my therapists talk privately to my parents on what’s going on and their future plan for me (to which i’m expecting a catastrophic response tbqh)

i am glad i’m not at a point in my life where SH or sui*de are not part of my daily rotation, so i know growth has been made, so it’s a weird feeling to know i’ll survive but also sucks that i’ll survive bc life is hard. apart from social neglect and isolation those are things that can be remedied, i think over time,

BUT BOY DOES IT FUCKING SUCK IN THE MOMENT LIKE THIS MOMENT JFC IT SUCKS I WANNA SUCK JOY OUT OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AND I WANNA SCREAM AND CRY

it’s honestly stemmed from my family’s decision to not give a fuck about me around my bday this past year, and just cascaded into everything else while they continued to compact more stress and, unfortunately, burned my bridge completely for them this year and for the foreseeable future. to have the best xmas i’ve ever had last year full of support and wonder, to this year full rejection of who i am (which is why i spent xmas alone )

but i truly wish i was invited out to things and holidays to be included, but can’t be a burden bc how dare i think anyone should include me, so i decline because im not worthy.

my therapists say if things get the green from my parents come next month then things will be changing in my care and i so hope and wish for that to happen. they’ve been every stumbling block so i’m not hoping too highly unu

i watched a small like q&a with some furries (i know how it sounds) but honestly im not into a full suit but i’ve always loved fox ears and tail, thanks to gaia, and their community seems so welcoming and supportive. i don’t know anything about that world except most media and a few good words here and there but after this vid i watched im gonna do more research. i know this sounds harsh, but bc of the internet i didn’t really know that its not as sexual as the internet makes it, they just like to have fun and dress up and escape , like dnd. honestly the first time in months ive felt excited about maybe joining a new community, and although i feel cringe for the fandom, educating myself was important to get the misinformation out of the way for me to be like “oh, yeah i just think it’s cute! im not attracted to any furries or animals, but i think its fun and cute to play and cosplay!” always have, so i guess its me getting over my embarrassment of it idk - ppl just really wanna have fun and be silly and make others happy, even if its a costume like an animal. its creative af tbh,

all that to say i’m lonely now and it hurts so bad right now. i don’t even want a SO lmfao, i’m far from wanting anything like that, but just more friends who have more time. i honestly don’t even think it’s possible in america bc of our work grind culture, but i have to hope that over time maybe it gets easier on everyone idk

i’m just hoping and wanting friends and social interaction a lot and my disabilities are such a catalyst for it

jffiekgirorogorofogk it’s 3AM shit post man i haven’t shit post or blog posted on here in years like this , feels good. feels right. all my dirty laundry on the most worst trusted social media platform that somehow never sinks. LMFAO

wow i’m really fucking autistic LMFAO just thinking about how much this also reflects poorly on my routine habits and trying to gain stability in that, when it doesn’t happen my day is just gone and i’m in a brain fog of not understanding and trying to figure out social queues and if i did something wrong

okay, i feel a bit better. good vent session meggie LOL okay time to try to sleep and wind down i hope - even though im amped on ptsd dreams and avoiding sleep to not wake up 3 times having to change sweaty clothes

tomorrow,,, i buy something nice for myself. maybe a crystal.

#depressed shit #late night personal junk #huge emotional dump for me #it’s cathartic honestly #no one has to read but me so keep scrolling if ya want my good besties

[quarterprioritymidnight]

and also abt fan interactions, i do think it’s weird when fans act like or feel like they know the guys and say things out of pocket sometimes. i know they’re mostly joking and it’s all in good fun but like (sorry for bringing it up again lol) even with dan’s mustache, ppl telling him or messaging him directly on twitter saying to shave it off bc they don’t personally like it was super weird to me. like obviously it’s funny to say things like that i guess and they don’t mean any harm but idk sometimes these same fans talk abt him like they know him so maybe that’s why i find it weird and plus i think dan has said how insecure he is all the time i’m sure he doesn’t want to hear ppl tell him things like that (he probably doesn’t see it all or care but still) and like obv ppl can have their opinion but they don’t have to say it directly to him like they know him lol

people were dming him about his moustache??? jesus christ what is wrong with people. ok lots of thoughts so im going to put it under the read more thing lol

but yeah i completely agree with you. its a funny thing cause i think theres that sort of internet culture humour of being really like blunt or 'savage' and the weird thing about fandoms is that people are almost looking for recognition from other people in the fandom or to become a like 'big name' in it, which sometimes seems to come at the expense of the person/people the fandom is built around.

james acaster talks about it really well here i think and i also know the lead singer of waterparks was on about blocking 'fans' who were literally just constantly saying rude things to him to try and get a response and he said something along the lines of like if you've got a friend who just says mean things about you they're not actually a friend they're just a bully, which like yeah

i agree tho like everyones allowed to have an opinion and stuff but it does bother me how some people speak about dan sometimes. i know its not meant to be that deep but also like its literally his face why should he care if some twitter user a decade younger than him doesnt like his choice of what he does with his own facial hair??? it doesn't matter??? stop just insulting a strangers appearance cause you think its funny wtf lol

#ask #anon #i think the bas fandom is a bit weird cause the core fandom can feel very small and insulated and i do have thoughts™ #but i will keep some opinions to myself bc i dont want to completely ostracise myself (not that im in that core fandom but anyway lol) #and also its not my job to police peoples behaviour so #but yeah thats part of the reason why im on here cause he literally does see things that people post on twitter #like that is a known fact #and though i try not to post things that i wouldnt be comfortable with him seeing just out of being respectful #ive said it before and ill say it again it can be hard to judge those boundaries in fandom spaces i think sometimes #but the thing is i also reckon there are people who literally would go up to him irl and say shit about his moustache or whatever #cause they dont grasp that distinction or think they actually know him #anyway stan james acaster also that clips fun cause i saw bas in that venue a couple of years ago for the gmtf launch with my sister :) #oh the youtube essayist i would have been in another life

[bikerboyfriend]

Sorry if this a random and personal ask to send you can ignore it and f it’s too much

But like I’ve always been the weird black girl growing up. My family bullied me for it white ppl did too and so did black folks. blk ppl ask me which one of my parents are non African but they’re both African… I think because I don’t express my African identity in the same way everyone else does, they assume it’s cuz I’m just mixed hence why I’m different. But everyone else also thinks I’m just too African for them so we never connect. Ppl joke about how I’m not black cuz I don’t like afrobeat and I can’t dance and I prefer metal music (I know tragic). But i’m kinda insecure about how ppl view me as not black enough because of that… today this girl kept saying she can’t see any African in me cuz I don’t listen to afrobeat and can’t dance ect and it made me really actually really upset for some reason… it’s not that serious I know but I wanna know. was I being a lil bitch today and should I move on or was that something worth getting upset over?

Ok you sent this last month, sorry <3 I have adhd. Anyw since u said all this to me im gonna talk to you like I know you.

Literally don't worry about it. I'm not saying that to minimise your insecurities; you're right to be upset over your heritage being dismissed like that. I also used to feel very alienated from black culture when I was younger. But like…do not worry about it 😭 esp on MY tumblr…over HALF of my black mutuals are into metal/rock/etc. As are a lot of my black friends. A lot of traditionally African people think its not black because well, its always seen as a white genre even tho really…its OURS. But there are plenty of renown black metal and rock artists. Plenty of black people like metal & rock imo too, its just they haven’t heard a song they like yet, imo.

As for dancing…thats just niggas being niggas fr. I know it's tough, I really…really hated being picked on by family when I was younger for things like this, but black people are maybe the biggest shit talkers on the planet. Its a thing where if you do dance after being pressured into it, they're gonna laugh about it for the next five years like it’s the funniest thing they’ve seen in the planet. Am sure you know that too but, thas why I’m saying its FINE. There’s even tiktoks on black ppl teaching eachother how to pretend to know how to dance. You’re not an anomaly lol

You just need to be more secure in yourself & your blackness. Liking metal is completely normal. Being black is all about culture, so you know what makes you black. These are just two things. We all have little things that we can all relate to here and there 🤷🏾‍♂️ you should really roll your eyes at people for saying shit like that to you. You gotta PATTERN UP!!!!! Niggas are always putting on facades in front of family and then listening to Hatsune Miku in their bedroom, do not worry 😭

Also, maybe I’m not the best person to ask because I’m not that close with my family and…of course, it’s easier said than done: but you can always find family and community amongst friends. You’ll always find common ground with your own people somewhere. Imo finding other black friends with the same interest will heal that over very quickly. It’s so affirming. The more people you meet like yourself, the better you’ll feel. A lot of Africans are just like that.

And imo, just prepare yourself. Like, straight up do research on black metal artists to present next time 🗿 and if someone says you can’t dance, just joke about it & if they’re being mean, just stare at them. That works for me 😀 lmao im joking but not rlly

ANWAYS. TL;DR: ITS OKAY LMAO! YOU’RE FINE! PATTERN UP! BE WHO U ARE!

Also again. Ik I can come off as brash, bc I am, but im not trying to invalidate your feelings I hope u didnt feel that way. Haha, okay yeah <3

#moonbox #anonymous #also like. try finding a few afrobeat songs you like im sure you'll like even one. just branch out from the mainstream ones #but im someone who dead likes all genres so. Idk also