#ptsdtw

[honeyjars-sims]

2.27 Old Wounds

TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains C-PTSD flashbacks relating to child abuse. While not graphic, please use your own discretion in continuing with this post if those topics are triggering or upsetting to you.

Bonnie: I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for coming out to celebrate my birthday with me. We’ve been through a lot as a family, but I’m so glad that we’re all here together now.

Johnny: Happy birthday, Mom!

Chantal and Destiny: Happy birthday!

Trinity: Just cut the cake already!

[laughter]

Johnny: So you’re the kid who’s dating my little sister. What’s your deal? Got a job yet?

Demarcus: No, sir, I’m only 12.

Johnny: Hmm. Well, I hope you’re treating my sister right. I know how 12-year-old boys are. I was one, after all.

[Johnny starts to put his hand on Demarcus’ shoulder]

Demarcus: Ah! Don't hurt me!

[Johnny has a flashback of Jimmy: Don't be such a brat and I won't have to!]

Johnny: I won't, why would you think that?

Demarcus: I dunno. Isn’t that what big brothers do?

Johnny: No! I was just messing with you. I would never…I’ll be back.

[Johnny goes to the bathroom to compose himself] 

Bonnie: [holding Darien] And there’s your Auntie Chantal!

Chantal: Hey sweet boy!

Destiny: Sorry Mom, I’m gonna have to take him back so I can put him down for a nap. 

Bonnie: Aw, sweet dreams little guy! [to Chantal] Doesn’t he make you want one of your own?

Chantal: Nope! I’m done with men anyhow.

Bonnie: I can’t blame you for that one. They cause nothin’ but trouble.

[The front door opens]

Trinity: Dad!

Jimmy: Hey princess! I thought I’d stop by to say hello since I didn’t get to see you this weekend.

Chantal: Mom, what the fuck? Why is he here?

Bonnie: Jimmy, I told you not to come!

Jimmy: Relax, I’ll just be a second. Hey, Johnny! Listen, I've been wanting--

Chantal: Don’t you fucking get near him!

Destiny: Stay back, Jimmy!

Jimmy: I just want to apologize!

[Chantal and Destiny block Jimmy from getting near Johnny. Johnny runs out of the apartment]

Bonnie: Johnny! Wait!

[Everyone follows Johnny outside]

Chantal: Jimmy, get the fuck out of here before I fucking end you!

Destiny: Leave, Jimmy!

Jimmy: Fine, I’m leaving! This wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t such a pussy.

Destiny: [to Bonnie] We’ve got him.

Johnny: [to Chantal] Please take me home.

Bonnie: Johnny, I’m so sorry, I told him not to come. I–

Chantal: Stop! You’ve done enough. Let’s go, bubs.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

#this post was hard to get through 😔 #my guy has some difficult times ahead #but I wouldn't put him through it without a reason #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #ts4 story #simblr #sims storytelling #sims story #simlit #stksafeharbor #safeharborstory #sh:bonnie #sh:chantal #sh:destiny #sh:jimmy #sh:johnny #sh:chapter2 #tw ptsd #tw cptsd #gif warning #tw child abuse #tw ptsd flashback #twchildabuse #childabusetw #ptsdtw #twptsd

[softpine]

in stevie’s ptsd episode what specifically was she remembering?

i’m gonna take this opportunity to over-explain everything lol because i think it’s really interesting and important to stevie’s character!

all the dialogue was pulled directly from [the bridge incident]. stevie wasn’t initially triggered by seeing matt’s blood, but seeing blood dripping on the white sink reminded her too much of blood on white snow. stevie herself didn’t say a single word after the woman jumped off the bridge, so all the dialogue comes from elaine or jada. stevie harbors a lot of guilt over her actions that night because she completely froze and couldn’t follow the instructions that the 911 operator was telling her to do, and she could only stand there and watch while jada and elaine (but especially jada) were level-headed and proactive. they even started to get frustrated with stevie :(

but eventually she was able to listen to their instructions, to some extent, because she’s not wearing her jacket in the next post and has blood all over her:

but as we know, the woman still died regardless of stevie’s intervention. that doesn’t do anything to make her feel less guilty, of course. 

immediately afterwards, stevie starts to cope by making jokes (Ex: at the mention of trauma counseling: “Been there, done that. We’ve had a fun life.” // “Long story short: I’m never getting that jacket back.” // “On the bright side, I get to leave early and see Ellie” etc. etc.) and generally seeming unbothered. matt even comments “I think you’re strong. You’re talking about frogs, and laughing a lot, and, you know, still being yourself.”

ALSO if you want to go even deeper with it – after aileen died, jada specifically asks stevie to make her laugh and feel normal. and stevie happily obliges jfksjd

it’s pretty rare for stevie to talk to anyone about her trauma. and we’ve seen this time and time again – she almost opens up to matt about her parents fighting, but decides not to at the last second. she consistently makes jokes or talks about these traumatic incidents that have happened to her in a sort of sarcastic, bitter way, to avoid sharing her true feelings about them. 

and that brings us all the way back to today. stevie has a clear PTSD response and chooses not to tell matt about it. it’s easier for her to internalize it and push through it rather than open herself up to possible negativity. which is why it’s so hard for her to do something as simple as allow matt to see her room in a messy state. she’s just so scared that people will see what’s really going on in her head and judge her for it :((

#this is more than you ever asked for lmao but i was kinda dying to talk about this stuff anyway #asks #camellia ask #anonymous #nonsims #brandi answers #PTSDTW #PTSD TW #BloodTW #DeathTW

[ellachae]

deflorate the tiger out of the woman a blameless bite of her is nature; a trial of her godliness; seating men at a vigil of women; her leaves had failed the musings of life; she’s a heaven in a despair of violence    what’s left of her skin the coat, her vines; her root; just   melancholy angels still living off the melody of her voice tinging the skies - Ella Chae

#poetry #mental health #identitydisorder #sasurvivor #poem #literature #womenslit #womensliterature #female #ptsd #ptsdtw

[petrichorandasphault]

Agape (n.): the highest form of love; selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love; persists no matter the circumstance; always giving and devotes total commitment to seek the highest and the best. (1/5)

10 years ago; 7 months after Patti's death, Emmy gets lost in the woods

Lonely girl, you are my world, And I could be anything you need And if for some reason you don't feel like talkin' I could just sit and enjoy your company Your company

next / previous / first / most recent

transcript and links under the cut

-Emmy is crying- -she is lost and doesn’t know where she is- -crack of thunder- Emmy: AAAH! -cries- Emmy: I want my mommy... -thunder- Emmy: -breathes- Someone will find you. You just have to wait out the storm. Emmy: ... -shivers- At least it’s dry... Emmy: Mama? I don’t wanna be alone anymore. And I wanna go home. And I want you to be there, too. Won’t you come back? Please? -creak of the door- Emmy: W-who’s there? AAH! Olive: Princess! Val: Emmy! It’s just us, Emmy, you’re okay! Emmy: -sobbing- Oh my god I was so scared, you guys. Olive: Oh, Emmy. Val: Come on. Everyone’s been looking for you. Emmy: You guys won’t go anywhere, right? Olive: Never, Princess. Val: Yeah, looks like you’re stuck with us.

--

Present Day

Emmy: ...why me. Why again? -sniffs- Fuck. -Emmy’s phone rings-

--

Hawkins Memorial Church by @intramoon other lot is by a bastard of a human, dm me if you want the dl link helvetihand italic by @softpine

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims story #the sims 4 #simblr #allyns #saudade #emmy hatfield #olive allyn #val goode #astraphobiaTW #panicattackTW #ptsdTW #and so it begins~

[ggoodnightsocialite]

tw (trauma, bpd, self harm)

i wish it was running mascara and boys who tell you your scars are beautiful.

it's not all sad music. it's lying in bed with your so called 'happy playlist' on full volume while your mind shuts down and continues to descend into misery.

the voices aren't my friends, if i could reach into my brain and rip them out i would do it this second.

it's 'pretty' until you cry so hard you vomit.

it's 'tragically beautiful' until you have to look your mother in the eyes after she almost lost you, again.

it's 'relatable' until it's scary.

it's 'a mood' until you're a flaky, unreliable, detached, removed and isolated, 'bad' friend

it's acceptable unless you're traumatised, scarred or falling apart at the seams.

it's okay until you can't hold down a job or stay in school.

i wish i was the shy girl from the movies, who's faintly scarred forearms are covered by a hoodie she pulls down every time someones glances in her direction.

i wish i was the 'mentally unstable' girl from the books who sits in an oversized white shirt on her kitchen counter drinking a glass of red and smoking a cigarette, looking flawless, hair flipped to the side, nails painted and mascara that barely flakes on her cheek after a long day.

i wish i was the girl from the love song who's life was a wreck until she met mr right.

but unfortunately my life and all its trials and tribulations weren't written by a millionaire movie producer, author or songwriter. the script of all this was laid out messily by trauma, and i live it every day. i'm not a character or a textpost.

the girl from the movie grew out of it. the girl from the books saw a therapist once and all of a sudden everything was fine.

its not this romantic thing.

i was traumatised as a child and forced to ignore it to protect my grieving mother. i came out of the psych ward at 15 to find that half of my so called friends wanted nothing to do with me anymore. i was diagnosed with a personality disorder at 18 and was forced to accept from that point onwards that i would never heal.

i wish i could just be okay. and i wish that in the meantime while i'm not, it was like this fucking app and the whole of the media makes it out to be. something desirable, something beautiful, something quirky. not the destructive, chaotic disaster that my life is turning out to be.

#bpd #borderline #actuallybpd #actuallymentallyill #actualpsychward #borderline personality problems #borderline personality disorder #personality disorder #mentalhealthtw #mentalillness #mentalhealth #trauma #ptsd #ptsdtw #triggerwarning

[brokenbitchybby]

Ptsd things

Having nightmares all night, and then not being able to move from 7am-10am because you're scared of opening your eyes.

#ptsd #ptsdtw #actually ptsd

[softpine]

As someone with cptsd, you nailed the flashbacks!!! But maybe for next time add a tw for flashbacks? I don't know about how anyone else is with that, but sometimes I do get triggered by watching a series/movie and they have flashbacks. Just for the future!!

i'm so sorry about that, i do have a trigger tag for ptsd i just completely forgot to tag it this time, i really apologize! i went back and tagged it now and i'll make sure to do that in the future too.

so for future reference, any flashbacks/memories/nightmares/etc. related to trauma are tagged: PTSD TW and PTSDTW

#i would block both - tumblr can be finicky sometimes #i wasn't sure if i should tag specifically for flashbacks? because i do happy flashbacks too #let me know if i should just tag all flashbacks and i can do that as well #asks #anonymous #nonsims #brandi answers

[softpine]

Stevie: But only if you’re actually here to help. I can’t get distracted, Matt, I need to get this done. Got it?

Matt: Loud and clear. No funny business. Not even a little bit.

Stevie: I’m already regretting this.

[TRANSCRIPT]

#matt injuring himself helping an animal cross the road is one of those situations where #if this was a choice-based game you would be getting a 'stevie liked that' notification right now fjksjd #camellia #frozen pines #stevie donovan #matt #BloodTW #PTSD TW #PTSDTW

[petrichorandasphault]

Agape (n.): (4/5)

Olive: She went to her mother’s grave. Adeline: Are you sure? I thought she said she had gone too far-- Olive: Mom, I’m sure. She called out to her mom before the line went dead. Just--please tell Steve to find her. Adeline: Steve? Did you hear that? Yeah she’s gone back to the graveyard--

next / previous / first / most recent

transcript and links under the cut

Olive: Princess? Pri--  -crackling over the line-  --are you? Emmy: Ollie? Ollie, I can’t hear you! Olive: Emmy, just tell me where you are, your dad can come get you-- Olive: -crackling over the line- Emmy? Emmy, talk to me-- -crack of thunder- Emmy: Ollie, I don’t know where I am, I’m so far away from the church-- Olive: Can you retrace your steps? You gotta work with me, Princess-- Emmy: Ollie, I’m so scared, I don’t-- -lightning overhead- Emmy: AAH, fuck fuck fuck-- Olive: -over the line- Emmy?? Emmy, talk to me-- Olive: Fuck, Emmy, please talk to me. Adeline: Steve, hold on, Olive’s got her on the phone. Olive: -over the phone- Emmy, fuck, come on-- Emmy: -through the rain- Mom? Is that--Mama? Olive: Fuck. Olive: She went to her mother’s grave. Adeline: Are you sure? I thought she said she had gone too far-- Olive: Mom, I’m sure. She called out to her mom before the line went dead. Just--please tell Steve to find her. Adeline: Steve? Did you hear that? Yeah she’s gone back to the graveyard--

--

phone poses by @natalia-auditore Emmy’s running poses by @themoonglitch farmhouse (lot) by @softpine evergreen fields (lot) is by a bastard of a person, so dm me if u want it reshade preset by @intravertt

#ts4 #sims 4 story #the sims 4 #sims story #ts4 story #simblr #allyns #saudade #olive allyn #val goode #adeline allyn #dawson tanner #emmy hatfield #traumaTW #ptsdTW #panicattackTW

[petrichorandasphault]

Agape (n.): (2/5)

You're in the house And I am here in the car 'Cause I just need a quiet place Where I can scream How I love you

I want you I want you

next / previous / first / most recent

transcript and links under the cut

Dawson: What are you thinkin’ about? Adeline: The kids. What else? Dawson: Oh, Del, they’re fine. They’re teenagers; ‘bound to get into trouble sometime. Adeline: I know that, but... I don’t know. I wish we could help them the way we did when they were babies. I could take the hurt away if they were little again. Dawson: Oh, love, they’re grown. They won’t let you anymore than you can force ‘em. Dawson: They’ll come to us for help when they need it. That’s the best thing we could have taught them. Olive: Um. Mom? Dad? Dawson: What is it, munchkin? Olive: Stephen called. Um. Emmy’s--Emmy’s missing. Adeline: Missing? What do you mean, missing? Olive: She--she got lost in the woods again. They were visiting Patti. A-A storm hit-- Olive: I don’t know what to do, they’re so far away-- I don’t know Breitchester and she’s all alone out there-- Dawson: Munchkin, slow down, when did Steve call? Olive: He’s still on the phone with Val. I told her not to let him call her grandparents. Dawson: Smart move, kiddo. I’m gonna call him from my cell and see if I can’t do anything to help. Adeline: Hey, come here, sweetheart. We’ll find her. Breitchester isn’t very big and she couldn’t have gone far. What scared her? Olive: I could hear the storm in the background of Steve’s call. It’s a bad one.

--

farmhouse (lot) by @softpine Dela’s pensive poses by @wirefiish reshade preset by @intravertt

#ts4 #ts4 story #sims story #the sims #sims 4 story #simblr #allyns #saudade #olive allyn #adeline allyn #dawson tanner #ptsdTW #panicattackTW #just bc they're kind of implied #uh also whoops u thought i wouldnt drag this out as long as possible? #u would b wrong #3 more posts #and then summer is over bby #at least #in my story lmao #ok im done rambling now bai

[petrichorandasphault]

Agape (n.): (3/5)

I don't know what to do without you I don't know where to put my hands I've been trying to lay my head down But I'm writing this at three AM

next / previous / first / most recent

transcript and links under the cut

Adeline: Stephen, you and I both know calling Stella and Dick is a bad idea... You’re not out of options! She’s scared; she really couldn’t have gone far... Steve, she’s 17, she’s not 10 anymore. How hard can she be to find? Adeline: I understand you’re scared, but this has happened before and we’ve found her. You’ll find her again. Adeline: Dawson’s telling me to ask if you’ve checked the church by Patti’s gravesite. Old habits die hard. Val: Olive? Olive: Mm. Val: Olive, you can’t shut off. Olive: Val, she won’t call me back. I don’t know what else to do. We’re, like, 50 miles from them or something. Val: Have you tried calling her again? Olive: What’s the point? The storm’s so bad, she probably won’t have signal, anyway. Val: Olive, just... Val: Try again. For me. Adeline: Steve, do not call that woman! She’s only going to make things worse. Please don’t make me beg. Or worse, I’ll put you back on the phone with Dawson, and he’ll give you an earful, I’m sure. Dawson: -yelling- She’s right, Steve, I’ll give you a thing or two to think about, do not call them! Adeline: Dawson, stop yelling, it’s 8 o’clock at night. -phone ringing- Olive: I’m telling you, Val, she won’t pick up. -phone continues to ring- Emmy: -crackling on the other end- H-hello? Ollie? Olive: -relieved- Oh my god, bab--Princess, where are you?

--

farmhouse (lot) by @softpine phone poses by @themoonglitch reshade preset by @intravertt

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 story #the sims #sims story #simblr #adeline allyn #dawson allyn #val goode #olive allyn #emmy hatfield #briefly #ptsdTW #panicattackTW #allyns #saudade #haha whoops olive u almost slipped there #hehehe #but also oof

[petrichorandasphault]

Agape (n.): (5/5)

I want your storms Shaking the trees I want your waves Breaking on me I want your knife To cut the seams When all the feelings Tie me up to be You know I wanna live to fast And die too young It ain't that bad Just don't look up

  previous / beginning of arc 1 / arc 2

transcript and links under the cut

-thunder cracks- Steve: Emmy! Emmaline! -the rain beats against the church- -Emmy slips and falls- Emmy: Aah! Emmy: Fuck, DAD! Steve: EMMY? Emmy, where are you! -footsteps running- Steve: Emmy? Emmy, Oh my god. Emmy: Daddy? -sobs- Steve: Shh, I’ve got you. -Emmy continues to cry- Steve: I’m right here, honey, it’s okay.

-- Emmy’s scared poses by @themoonglitch Emmy and Steve’s poses by @simmerberlin graveyard lot by @deligracyblog reshade preset by @intravertt

#sims story #the sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts4 #ts4 story #simblr #saudade #allyns #emmy hatfield #steve hatfield #traumaTW #astraphobiaTW #here it is #the last post #of this arc #IT ONLY TOOK ME A FUCKIN YEAR #jesus m #ptsdTW #panicattackTW

[ggoodnightsocialite]

(tw) no one tells you how cold they are. how the floors make your feet numb. the way the walls are too thin to protect you. how you never feel safe.

everyone talks about the screaming, not the silence that you ache for something to fill. how you can hear the creatives scratching pencil to paper and the quiet, unnoticed tears. there is no feeling quite like waking up to blaring alarms, knowing one of your best friends could be dying in the room across the hall. i still hear them sometimes.

no one ever thinks how comfort can be uncomfortable. the papery sheets scratch your dry skin. the way you stick to the plastic mattress. the times they take away your sheets, your clothes and leave you and take your dignity with them.

no one can truly understand the way the nurses eyes feel like lasers as they stitch you back together. no one gets how cold their hands feel as they pin you to the floor or pull you off your bed. i can’t describe the way it feels when they ‘protect’ you, it’s like all the worst parts of sleep paralysis but it’s actually your reality.

what you don’t see is that two years on, i’m terrified every time i fall asleep in case i wake up and i’m back there, that this whole time i’ve been dreaming of a better life that i could have. what if i woke up and i was lying there with no sheets, pillows or comfy clothes, freezing cold. with no one to hold me or love me. what if i open my eyes and they’re back, watching everything i do, judging me, pressuring me, forcing me to move, forcing me to be still, never giving me space or time to breathe and think for myself.

what they tell you is that its your fault you’re in this mess.

that you are privileged to have this bed, the twenty four hour care

and that if you don’t want to be there its a sign that you don’t need to be

#psychiatry #psychward #psych #psychosis #Relapse #suicideTW #tw #ptsd #ptsdtw #mtw #selfharmtw #self injury #selfharm #self harm #Suicide #camhs #reality #romanticisation #dead #cptsd #cptsdtw #mentalhealth #treatment #mentalillness #medication #meds

[kenko-vent]

Fp: Hey, can I call u? ;))))

My brain: Do they REALLY want to call us or it's a trick to play with our mind??? Why would they call us in the first place???? They actually hate you in secret.

#ptsd #vent #tw #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd problems #bpd #bpd mood #bpd thoughts #dpd #dpdr #actually dpdr #ptsdtw #ptsdlife #ptsdsurvivor #funny #text post #text #self esteem #self injury #ptsd recovery #recovery

[petrichorandasphault]

content warnings for the last two posts of saudade; summer

these last two posts are probably some of the darkest things i’ve written and will write for a while. though i love writing my story and sharing it with you all, it is also my responsibility to share these content warnings with you so you may keep yourself safe:

ptsdTW

panicattackTW

traumaTW

astraphobiaTW please take care of yourself and block the above tags if you so need

all of my love,

m

#m writes words #content warning post #i'll rb this next week for the last post #pls care for urself