#ranting here because if I do this irl someone will know but. I really fucking need an outlet but skip if you want

[certified-anakinfucker]

ok this is unprompted but if you pride yourself on being the reason people leave a space for something they genuinely love and have done no objective wrong - youre a piece of shit btw. like full send youre horrible.

#cheeri rants #this is brought on by me finally letting myself get back into smth i loved for like 5-6 years #and got squicked out of by senseless witch hunts and trans/misogyny and the like #im really sitting here remembering all the nights i stayed up with amazing friends #the shoulders i cried on and the hands i held for others #the people who stood with me through some of the toughest times i can remember #we all loved the same silly things #we all poured bits of ourselves into everything we created and we shared that with everyone #i still so vividly remember lamenting that id never get to see our interest irl #and someone i didnt even know all that well dm’d me a few days later asking if i had venmo or paypal #because they were going to give me $50 to buy a ticket. they wanted to go but couldnt #for some reason i cant remember but they gave me their own money and told me to please enjoy in their place #and you know what? i fucking cried that night. you dont see that anymore #the all-nighters i pulled with my best friend watching the live reruns of our interest before we even got into the fandom #doing my homework while we were on facetime together squealing #and all of this came to a screeching halt because of some . PEOPLE. #who figured we were having fun the wrong way because they didnt like it #and we put up all the flashing neon signs to warn people #warn them of smth they should have already known #and just because people ignored those signs it was taken out on us anyway #and i have never been so heartbroken to watch one by one as some of the brightest people i ever knew #started leaving. breaking down. their light was being stomped out because some assholes cant mind their own #and i will be fucking damned before i stand by and let that happen again. to anyone.

[theogony]

gn

#ranting here because if I do this irl someone will know but. I really fucking need an outlet but skip if you want #but anyway!! really fucking pissed that. blocking someone for a few days isn't something socially acceptable #like dude I've knwn you for ?? 7 years now?? but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable listening to you constantly talk about my love life #his love life* and like. fucking invalidating me when I come out to you as ace and bringing it up everytime you tell me about your #relationships like I get being gay is not easy in [redacted] but that doesn't mean I'm always ok listening to your tragic gay #romance especially when you like. actively talk about gaslighting others when you rebound like dude?? you're swag as hell #but when you gaslight others - likee I get I may be sounding slightly clingy - I get paranoid?? you've gaslit me too?? #and so like. I blocked you because my mental health is really fucking down the drain and I'm low-key overwhelmed #BUT?? INSTEAD OF CONFRONTING ME LIKE A NORMAL PERSON THAT YOU WERE INSECURE #YOU BLOCK ME. DELETE ALL YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS. TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW I'M TOXIC. girl. gn #yes I know like he did deserve an explanation which I would have been happy to give but uh! why the fuck would you tell others I'm toxic #like mate. I'm not even going to lie I low-key sound toxic here but you do to! what the fuck! #worst part is I can't. I can't fucking complain because I've known this funky dude for 7 years #and like. I still trust him. even though he'd choose someone else in a heartbeat over me which i. have made with peace with #and like most of my friends are just telling me he's being toxic and I should cut him out and that he's just trying to like be a bitch #but like. tbf he used to be such a doormat but now he's like. low-key toxic esp cause I'm on decent terms with his ex #girl gn. move. on. I'm so fucking tired I have to work with you you can't avoid me forever like literally all I want is one fucking civil #convo about the competition we have to work together for but NOOOO you can't do that much. fuck

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I am I the asshole for telling someone what they were doing was "mean spirited and cruel"?

(submitted this a while back but was never posted - don't know if tumblr ate it or if it broke a rule, but i'm sorry if its the latter)

My complex has a facebook page where residents can post questions or concerns to other residents. One day a woman posted asking if we could move the food bowls where people feed the feral cat colony that lives near us because when she walks her dogs they always lunge at the cats; she had just had surgery and it hurt when they pulled on the leash. Someone responded saying they had moved the bowls down and that seemed like that.

Two days later she posted again saying that our "kind and caring neighbor" (her) had called someone to come pick up the cats. From another comment on the post it seemed like she had talked to someone IRL who was rude and basically told her "I've been feeding the cats for 10 years fuck off" and then called animal control immediately after that.

This felt really petty to me, and I posted saying that calling animal control on the cats was "mean spirited and cruel". I explained that almost all feral cats taken in are put down, and that she was making a decision about the community's cats without consulting the community. I added that I was sorry she had been hurting since her surgery, but that there were other steps she should have taken before this.

She responded that I needed to have more compassion for her as she herself was very compassionate and caring person. To which I responded that she should then extend that compassion to these cats that had never hurt anyone. (Seriously, they just chill around our complex and eat rats – they’ve never scratched or bit any person or animal)

She responded that they hurt her “fur babies” everyday because they make her dogs pull at their leashes and choke themselves. She then went on a rant about how she didn’t understand why people weren’t respecting her anger and that since she lived here she had a right to want the cats gone. She also mentioned that calling her “mean spirited and cruel” had racial connotations and that I wouldn’t call a white person that.

Important context, I am a white woman – up until this point I had not realized that she was a black woman as this argument was in a facebook group and the pictures were small. But it is very possible this is something I saw and internalized without consciously recognizing it.

I was really thrown by this, and just replied yes, I would and that I’m sorry it hurt to hear, but that is what her actions were. (Which, yeah, nobody ever not in the racist category uses the ‘I’d say that to anyone!’ excuse, but I truly didn’t know what to say). She continued to respond to my comment saying how I was a pitiful person if I’d really call anyone that, and that I hadn’t addressed any of her other points.

More people where commenting at the same time on this post, and while she responded to all of them my “mean spirited and cruel” comment apparently really got her because she kept bringing it up in arguments with other people. She really felt that people were being unjustifiably angry and mean to her for something she thought she had a right to do.

It also came out that she had apparently posted complaining about the cats the day before but it had gotten so out of hand the post was deleted before I could see it. She had also gotten into several arguments IRL with people feeding the cats. This explains why she felt so ganged up on I suppose – though none of this I knew before replying.

The next day she specifically made a new post calling out racists in our community and tagged me and few other people (even other POC) who had disagreed with her about the cats. I didn’t respond, but fairly quickly that and the post from before were deleted.

I’ve been really trying to think about if my internalized racism did unknowingly influence my actions, but I honestly keep coming back to the fact that I think I would have said the same to anyone who tried to get a cat colony killed because her dogs try to attack them.

Also for those curious – the cat colony is still here! It turns out removing a cat colony from their home is actually considered animal cruelty and is illegal in this state

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[fullyinconsequential]

Here’s a 3am Steddie rant I think every Steddie lover (and possibly hater) should hear. I have no goal to convert anyone—just to say that the ship did not actually “come from nothing.” Here’s why:

I don’t understand how there wasn’t Steddie foresight in the writer’s room.

So they play it up in season 3 like Steve just can’t get the girl and when he does she’s not the right girl and yada yada yada—cool beans. I love his character arc with Robin, their friendship, her queerness. I love their entire bathroom interaction.

Specifically: “It’s somebody that I didn’t even talk to in school. Maybe cuz Tommy H. would’ve made fun of me, or I wouldn’t be prom king…. First of all, she’s hilarious. So funny. I feel like this summer I have laughed harder than I have laughed in a really long time. And she’s smart—way smarter than me…. She’s honestly unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.”

Traits Robin Also Has that Eddie Shares:

Outcast

Band Kid

The Witty Banter

Eddie’s personality is VERY Robin. Not perfectly so, but maddeningly close.

Another point:

This is just the same person in different gender specific fonts, A.K.A. Steve’s “love interest” versus a guy who called him “big boy” completely unprompted and interrupted a tender moment between him and his “love interest” and complimented him for an entire scene while Steve wore his clothes.

So, really, one of them’s Steve’s love interest and the other is Nancy Wheeler /hj.

I write a lot, and as someone who both writes and consumes an abhorrent amount of media, whoever wrote this down, casted and costumed this way, and allowed for the interactions between Steve and Eddie to be as nuanced as they were (EX: the scene in which Eddie steps forward like he has more to say to Steve before he goes off and kills himself) had to have known what was going to happen. There is simply no way of not seeing it.

And if they didn’t want people shipping Steddie at the scale which they do, here’s what went wrong:

First: defaulting to Steve wanting his ex back is just plain shitty writing. It means you don’t know where to go with the character anymore, and since you’re certain he’s done all the growing he can do, he’s just gonna double back to the conflict he was in in the FIRST SEASON.

Are you serious right now, bro?

Steve’s arc as a character has been absolutely heartwarming to watch. If anything, he’d have been better off given the “I need to figure out how to be happy on my own” narrative. Throwing him back at Nancy is a cop out, a big one.

Second: Eddie. Throwing Eddie in the mix was absolutely a WILD decision, because he looks like Nancy, he banters like Robin, and GENDER IS NO LONGER A PLAUSIBLE REASON FOR AN AUDIENCE TO DENY CHEMISTRY, OR EXPLAIN IT AWAY. Not in the year of our lord 2023, no sir. Not unless you’re going to explicitly state in some way to an audience that these characters are DEFINITIVELY STRAIGHT. And with Eddie, they went as far off that course as possible.

The outcast stuff. The D&D stuff. The hatred of the system. The mysteriously living with his uncle and not his parents. THE HANKERCHIEF IN HIS BACK POCKET.

So essentially, this is what they did:

They took a beloved character, flubbed over his character arc because they weren’t sure what to do with it.

Then, they created a SECOND beloved character, made him likable, lovable, even, and relatable. Then they gave him half and half personality and looks of Steve’s last two love interests. Then they gave us scenes of them together where they showed chemistry, genuineness, and playfulness.

Then they EXPECTED that we as an audience had enough heteronormativity left as a society to say—oh, those two guys aren’t flirting with each other even a little bit because they’re two guys and obviously that doesn’t happen.

WHEN IN THE SAME SEASON WE WATCHED WILL AND ROBIN GO GAY PANIC AND DESPAIR LIKE?????

Pick a side pick a side, are your characters fucking gay or is your audience fucking blind?

Point being, I have some friends IRL who don’t really get this. They think Steve and Eddie hardly interacted enough for there to be romance at all, but I think it’s less about how much they interacted and more about the (unintentional) set up they were given by the writers.

Steve’s a truly beloved character and I don’t know on ST fan that wants to see him just end up back with Nancy Wheeler like his entire character arc was just to “get the girl” and “have six kids.” Which he already has by the way.

Anyway, that’s just my two cents. I’m not advocating for anyone to ship them, I’m just saying it’s honestly a perfectly logical conclusion to make, especially if you CARE about Steve as a character, you know? We want him to be with someone genuine, someone who challenges him to be better, to be different than he was. Nancy couldn’t handle doing that. Robin could, but they’re platonic af.

So why wouldn’t it be Eddie?

Rest in peace, by the way. You would’ve loved this text post.

#stranger things #steddie #writers #eddie munson #steve harrington #bisexual #gay #lgbtq #stranger things 4 #ultimately I’m just very confused by the writers #their choices seem so deliberate but they can’t possibly be #who instructed Joe to take that step forward? #what was the point of ‘for your modesty dude’ #why make Steve’s only character trait needing a girlfriend? #why not make Eddie’s character a girl? #the Lance mcclainification of Steve harrington

[rashoumon-homo]

Rant ahead, prolly gonna delete later

TW: gender dysphoria, fetishization of trans men in fanfiction

Idk if it’s just me but I’m a trans guy who typically won’t touch “trans male [character]” smut fics with a ten foot pole. I’ve found a handful that are respectfully written, but for the most part they make me feel so fucking uncomfortable. It’s like the (non-trans) writers don’t see trans men as real men. There’s frequent untagged feminization, excessively feminine terms, and an alarming number of pregnancy fics. I get that some people like these things, and I respect that, but that’s pretty much ALL that’s out there. It’s like they want to write for a m/m ship but only want to write m/f smut, so they slap “trans” on there. It’s so blatantly obvious that the majority of these writers have never done a drop of research on what it means to be trans masc, much less MET a trans masc person irl.

Not only that, complaining about it makes YOU the bad guy. I made a post on the AO3 subreddit back when I first joined it (aka before I knew better) just kind of venting about the way trans characters are written in fics. I was a lot more gentle and understanding about it than I’m being here btw. And instantly the post got flooded with comments saying that “just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean other people don’t.” Or “my roommate’s boyfriend’s brother is trans and he doesn’t care about that stuff.” Or that people are free to write whatever they want and if I don’t like it I shouldn’t be reading it. (My favorite one was “I’m cis but I don’t see an issue”) I ended up deleting the post.

Back in February there was this fic I read that did all that same shit and it pissed me off. Untagged feminization, afab language, the whole shebang. And I KNOW that author wouldn’t have treated the character that way if they were writing a cis man. For legal reasons, this comment was not written by me, but it was deleted by the author right away with no response.

I blocked them and moved on.

I guess what brought all these emotions back was a post I saw where someone was complaining about other cultures being written in an accidentally offensive way in fics. The same people who tore down my post (and others like it) were suddenly all into the idea of respecting the cultures you write, doing research on them, etc. How is trans culture any different? Why is it “um actually some trans guys like being feminized” but then “these cultural stereotypes are offensive and the author should do better?”

Not too long ago, I decided to start writing trans characters in fics. It was really tough for me, since I had to battle a lot of my own dysphoria, but I felt like it was worth it if it meant there was just one more fic out there to make trans people feel seen and respected. Being seen as a real man and being trans should not be mutually exclusive. It’s possible to be both. And it’s painfully obvious when the writer doesn’t see it like that.

If you’re trans and you feel the same way about all this, lmk. Sometimes I feel like I really am the unreasonable one and that I’m all alone here and it really fucks with my head.

And if you’re cis and wanting to write trans characters, I implore you to learn about us first. Trans people are not a shortcut to writing m/f smut. They have their own unique experience of the world that needs to be taken into account if you’re going to write them respectfully. Listen to trans voices. Please.

#rant #trans character #trans #transmasc #fanfic rant #gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #transgender #trans man #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fics #ao3 subreddit

[dark-nimbus]

A Rant on Representation in Media (mostly comics)

CW: ableism, disability erasure, mentions of fat phobia, mentions of fetishization, lmk if there’s anything I missed

I can’t believe that here in 2023 we still have to say this, but fuck it this year has already been hell enough so why not add another thing

Representation, whether it be for disabilities or culture, race or religion, any marginalized group— ALWAYS MATTERS

I spent the majority of the other night dealing with people trying to downplay the impact of Barbara Gordon’s paralysis being retconned. Wanna see how that went?

“Oh, but it’s okay if Barbara Gordon still has some mobility because there’s paralyzed people that regain their ability to walk”

Her spinal cord was completely severed, she was left fully paralyzed from the waist down

“There’s a 60yo fighting in a Kevlar bat suit and shifting clay people, but Barbara getting her legs back again is a problem?”

Okay, can clay people restore a spinal injury? Can Batman punch a nervous system into fully functioning? What relation does that have?

Aside from the fact there’s zero connection between the two, paralysis actually fucking exists. Batman and clay shifters, believe it or not, don’t. Lemme know if you find an irl Batman or Clayface that needs representation. Go on, I’ll wait

“Barbara being able to walk again isn’t disability erasure, there’s other paralyzed characters”

The definition of disability erasure is literally terminating someone’s disability under the belief it makes a person less than. The fuck you mean it’s not?

And how many paralyzed comic characters can you name? I’m willing to bet it doesn’t come to 50. Every character belonging to an underrepresented group matters. Whether their representation is taken away completely with that one character’s erasure or not isn’t the fucking point. You’re still fueling the already negative stigma around disabilities and sweeping disabled people further under the rug

“Her disability erasure doesn’t matter, DC will just paralyze her again in later issues”

I’m sorry, are you completely paralyzed from the waist down? Do you embody each and every paralyzed person and their experiences? No? What makes you think that you get to determine whether the erasure of something you don’t even have matters?

As for DC re-paralyzing Barbara, it’s been retconned since 2011. Even if they do plan on undoing whatever whack job microchip magic they’ve got going, they sure as hell are taking their sweet-ass time

I can’t believe people were actually arguing in favor of Barbara’s disability erasure, but here we are. Representation has always mattered and always will, and yet media loves grossly misrepresenting everything. Barbara was such a strong character as Batgirl, and flourished in her character development even more as Oracle. Her struggles, overcoming them, and learning to love herself and value her abilities beyond the mantle made her a well-loved inspiration for many. To have all of that stripped away and undone with a microchip was just as insulting as it was a destroyed opportunity for character growth

And unfortunately that’s not the first conversation I’ve had regarding the representation of characters

Oh, you thought I was done? Ha! I wish. How about Spiderverse?

“Oh but Sun-Spider can’t be a superhero, she’s wheelchair-bound!”

Professor X. The Chief. Oracle.

And just to cover all my bases: Bucky Barnes, Daredevil, Hawkeye, Doctor Mid-Nite, Hornet, Jericho, Cyborg. And that’s not even going into characters with much more hidden disabilities. Disabilities never stopped anyone from being able to achieve anything, nor should it ever

“Fat spider-people? Really? That’s just unrealistic”

Yes, really. What’s the problem with that? Surely it’s not the webbing, which have been proven to be durable enough to support buildings. No way it’s how they’re shaped when there’s a car, a horse, and a whole ass T-Rex spider variant

Some people really forgot the whole concept behind the first Spiderverse movie. How Stan Lee made it clear that “anyone can wear the mask.” It doesn’t matter your body type, whatever disorders or disabilities you have, your ethnicity or your upbringing. Being a hero is so much more than that, and the diversity of each spider-variant only reinforces how Spider-Man represents everyone

But let’s go even further with voice acting

“So what if Sunspot is being voiced by a white person instead of an Afro-Brazilian voice actor? It’s animated”

Oh wow I wasn’t aware that representation stops at the sound machine. Yes, Sunspot’s newest voice actor is Brazilian, but with a character whose ethnicity plays an integral part in his story, you’d think Marvel would figure casting an Afro-Brazilian VA would be more authentic for the role than the fourth white dude in a row, but no. Of course not

And with each VA they cast, Marvel pushes Afro-Brazilian VAs out of this role they’d intimately understand and be passionate in representing. VAs that Sunspot fans would love to see knowing that their favorite character (or even themselves) would be understood, rather than being hollowly voiced with characteristics that don’t match the person

“If Sunspot should be voiced by an Afro-Brazilian voice actor does that mean Magneto should be voiced by exclusively German Jewish voice actors? It’s not a monolith”

And neither are Brazilians. Hell, neither is any religion or race. That’s why we want an Afro-Brazilian VA. There’s so many nuances that can only be breathed into the character by someone who understands because they themselves have lived that life. It may be small but those nuances are what make the character feel alive to their audience, and the closer a VA is to the experiences of their character, the more genuine the character feels

Portraying animated characters doesn’t fall completely on the writers and artists. Artists may take control visually, and writers may be responsible for plot and voice lines, but it’s the VAs that are in the spotlight. VAs are the ones that gives these characters character. And those characters can’t be fully and properly represented for viewers if it’s not all there

Representation always matters. Its significance doesn’t go away with erasure, and it definitely isn’t less important because other people who aren’t among that marginalized group refuse understand. Disabilities don’t define who someone can be, nor does body type, or culture, or religion or any other background. It doesn’t stop at the sound machine. Anyone who says otherwise are just adding to the ignorance most media uses to excuse the already shit representation of the entertainment industry

Every marginalized group is valid. Every minority deserves to be portrayed as they are and not feel like they’re being fetishized, infantilized, or inaccurately represented for the sake of plot

Little me, the queer adopted Asian kid with raging ADHD, severe anxiety, and shit communication skills deserved more than the fetishization from anime characters and shouldn’t have needed to wait until they discovered Cassandra Cain, the first character to show that superheroes could look like them too

And people that never struggled to find themselves represented in media sure as hell don’t have an excuse to encourage lacking representation and feign ignorance when common decency and basic human empathy is free

#nerd shit #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #disability #marginalized communities #comics are for everyone #comics #dc comics #marvel #marvel comics #representation matters #disability representation #sunspot #batgirl #across the spiderverse #sun spider #black representation #voice acting #batman comics #detective comics #oracle #orphan #star scrivening

[bentosandbox]

don't block me for this bento lol but while yes i get that her being Huge is hyperbole, i just can't suspend my disbelief that her being tall for a typical IRL asian woman jives with her in-game quote about having trouble getting through doors. she's the only op (outside mudrock i guess) who even has such a line, while men bigger than her have no problems or worries about banging their heads off the supposed tiny doorframe. i'm just being nitpicky about environmental implications i guess lol like why does she have this problem that no one else seems to have. gacha be gacha c'est la vie

also, what was the right line hoshi said to bagpipe? this is the first i've heard of it being mistranslated? :o (thank you for your TL work btw you're one of the few bastions of sense in this wasteland)

you're welcome + all good dw i have a pretty high block threshold for better or worse

Yeah i get it! BUT here is my copium reasoning

184cm + horn height (if as long as her face + average face length = 20cm) + boot heel height (about 3cm) = 207cm which is just very slightly over average door height (here?) which is 205cm and my view is that just slightly missing a few cm is way more troublesome than going through a door that's obviously smaller than your height since you'll definitely know when to duck than having a perceived illusion that you can make it through without bending down a little and then BANG the rhodes door frame has a little hole or something

I mentioned it here in a little rant i did last july but i'll explain it more in detail below (i thought i did before somewhere. probably twitter but i can't find it so i'll just do another one here)

I'll do a more literal TL first

风笛: 那个......我的钱包和护照都丢在莱塔尼亚了。 Bagpipe: Um...I lost both my wallet and passport while I was in Leithanien. 星熊: ......我是不是该佩服你？ Hoshiguma: ...Should I be admiring you? 风笛: ——被炸得一点不剩了。 Bagpipe: ——They got blown up with not even a shred left. 星熊: 我确实该佩服你。 Hoshiguma: Indeed, I should be admiring you.

And 佩服 really does mean admire

'what's wrong then' But admire has like 2 main definitions

And whoever translated it went with the second definition instead of the first; it's not admire in the 'oooo you have an admirer' (someone who fancies you) way, it's admire in the 'wow i admire your tenacity to make your way all the way from Londinium to Lungmen even after almost getting blown to bits otw'

'what makes you so sure its that reading over the other' just read the context of the conversation + I'm well aware of my bias for the JP loc but like. it's because their TL track record is pretty good (esp with characterisation) so I sometimes check it to double confirm my readings, and they use 褒める here which is homeru for you weebs and for everyone else

So back to the lines, admire sounds strange in context, but the idea is that hoshi is so impressed by her tenacity that she goes 'wow should i praise you?' so I would use 'impress' here

Bagpipe: Um...I lost both my wallet and passport while I was in Leithanien. Hoshiguma: ...Should I be impressed? Bagpipe: ——They got blown up with not even a shred left. Hoshiguma: Yeah, I should be. (Or 'Yeah, that's pretty impressive.' to flow better but it loses the 'should' which I prefer because Hoshi has a tendency to be very passive in her speech)

also also sorry i need to get this out lol i know they want swire to be as bratty as possible or whatever but :\ aghdgfhfgffff as someone who also calls their dad 爸爸 with cantonese tones and not mandarin im just really fucking bummed ok the rep would have been cool it, also has the slightly childish vibe to it that 'daddy' has so (without the discord kitten vibes even /shrug) Yuxia calls her dad 爸 if anyone was wondering

bonus since i mentioned chen's op rec in that og post

insane that swire's oprec was the last of her batch and chen is the first of the batch after so theyre next to each other in the medal list

TL is fine for the most part but man this is some 'parents making you call them by their first name' level of americanization (they took out most of the 警司 especially the one in their 'first' meeting??naur way...)

#bentoask #dlartistanon #arknights #i should tag all these tl posts under something #first half partly inspired by my friend measuring the length of passenger's hair

[theblurrysystem]

rant // dont fucking complain in the comments if ive offended you

//

I am so fucking over seeing posts where people enjoy having fictives. where their introjects long for their partners or family or anything. I will be the first to admit that yes some of our introjects, specifically fictives, have felt that way. but it really fucking rubs me the wrong way when you see said introjects posting so fucking often that they miss their partner and wish they split those that they miss.

are you fucking serious?

this is a fucking traumagenic disorder where splits happen because of fucking trauma. they happen from stress. they happen from your brain having some kind of need that isn't being met.

literally fuck off. you want to split more? grow the fuck up and touch grass. no you fucking dont want that. i fucking promise you.

we recently had a split. we just so happen to have that alters partner in our system. you wanna know how thats going? they aren't fucking talking. because splitting isn't fucking fun. splitting people from your source isn't all fun and games. the alter we already had, while yeah they missed their partner, they dont fucking want them here. why? because DID is fucking hell and who the fuck would want to have more alters? who the fuck would want to split?

dont even get me fucking started on "source calls" or anything to do with an alter requesting sourcemates to interact. are you fucking kidding me? do you know how fucking easy it would be for anyone, literally anyone, to pretend they are your source partner. to say all the right things. to manipulate the fuck out of you.

not only is requesting your 'partner' or 'family' to interact, dangerous. but even if they are a genuine fucking system who has good intentions. they aren’t your fucking partner or family dude. they are an introject alter. they are what their brain needs. they will not be your partner. introjects aren’t their fucking source, and you are going against that entirely if you go looking for sourcemates.

i dont care if you miss your family and friends. but no random ass stranger online (or even irl system friends tbh) can fucking replace that.

now there is nothing wrong with having alters within your own system be dating. im not saying you cant. and im not saying you also can't happen to be dating someone who is your partner in source, in another system. im just saying it is fucking dangerous and anti-recovery if that is the reason you are dating them.

you are fucking using each other.

again, genuine connections can form. but i swear to fuck if anyone tries to twist my words i will lose it.

tldr; its fucking dangerous and anti-recovery to seek out your "partner/family" in another system. or to want to fucking split in your own system so you can have your partner there. that is fucked up and im sick of people acting like its not.

#rant #did #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #introject #endos do not touch this post #anti endo #source call #did system #actually cdd #did splitting #osdd

[ziptie-bouquet]

Even if you don't identify as aromantic anymore, you should reblog your old posts from time to time.... They were so good

I'm really glad people liked my posts! This is probably the most attention I've ever got online, and it makes me really happy people related to me so much! I don't think I will reblog them tho.

The second part of the ask was:

Alright so, I got maybe 10 asks with this question over the last weeks (and a couple of hate asks, which made me want to not bring any more attention to it). I'm gonna answer it now in a big personal rant, I guess.

I got partners, left some and I had conversations with my friends about my feelings, and I think it made me reflect more on how I want to think about myself. I'm not sure if any of this is gonna make sense, but I hope it answers your question.

I realized the reason any feelings or interest I have disappear as soon as I start putting myself in boxes like "romantic/platonic/queerplatonic relationships" is just because they always come with more expectations and questions than just being me with someone else. I think I love people weirdly, and I don't feel the need to define it as romantic or non-romantic.

I want to exist outside of it all. If I label myself as aro, I don't feel like I fit in and if I call myself bi I don't feel like it's accurate either. I still have experiences I could attribute to either (no crushes or being uncomfortable when put in some romantic situations even with people I love, wanting to love people in a way that's gonna be I guess by all definitions romantic, etc). But I just feel greater than the sum of those parts.

I kinda have suspicions I'm ND which, if true, most likely do not make it easier for me to understand close relationships and what you'd normally classify them as. But I don't feel like I need to. I think I want to be incomprehensible with people and have fun!

Queer fits for being ambiguous and angry, but really I'm just me. I still hold the cool opinions you liked.

Also, even when I was labeling myself as aro, I felt a clear gap between me and the people here. Even with irl aros. That made me feel like I stood out more, and that's visible in my posts because I would talk about it pretty often.

Might be because I'm a very sexual person and all those spaces are unspokenly made for aroaces. Might be because I want deeper discussions than just what you typically see in aro spaces, which is gonna be memes about how allos are weird. Might be because I'm not aro, and I just don't feel like they do. I dont think it really matters, but I still think that aromanticism has extremely good concepts associated with it, and I wish more people would discuss them.

It tires me out to be associated with a community that prioritizes friendships so much and is riddled with romance/sex negativity even if I was fully 100% sure I'm aro. I know it's not everyone and I've met a lot of cool people in those circles, but it is still so tiring.

It pushed me to want to be myself more and dissociate from bigger queer communities. I'm grateful I got the support I needed then but I think I want to be a little weirdo who fake dates her friends and fucks the brains out of her partners.

#maybe im just really overcomplicating how relationship work #but hey i answered your question in a very detailed way i hope thats cool! #ask #aro #aromantic #aromanticism #aroallo #alloaro

[smallgronk]

Warning: really long wordy and idk how coherent rant ahead. Proceed with caution lmao

I don't even know how to start my rant but here goes. I haven't been using Tumblr for very long, but it has been incredible. I've met a lot of cool people, and learned a lot of cool things about myself. But I hate how the cycle of dysphoria seems to work. It is so exhausting. When I started my account I still went by he/him everywhere, I even said that in my bio or whatever. The longer I stuck around though, and the more I enjoyed the sapphic side of Tumblr the more I wished it applied to me? And at first I dipped my toes in by removing the masc signifiers and letting people draw their own conclusions. And when someone called me a girl for the first time? That was a strange experience. The longer it went on though the more I realized that it seemed right. I got more comfortable with my spot and didn't feel like I was "lying" to people or invading a place that wasn't for me. Cuz even when I would tell people they were cool with it? (Because obviously, almost everyone in my circle here is trans of course they get it.)

And everything about that is fantastic! But I've realized as soon as I made that step, the first time someone treated me like a girl... I changed. All the little things that I thought I was ok with are suddenly excruciating. I had sexted with someone with ease, but showing my face when I had some stubble? Unthinkable. And my voice, dear God my voice. It felt like I would shatter the "illusion" or something. Even if I disclosed to people ahead of time. There was no secret.

The real problem though is what has happened irl. I've always been a bit of a shut in (not by choice, situation), but I haven't spoken to any of my friends in days. Normally I'm in chat everyday at least for a minute. The thought of going and being Him for a bit when I could instead be my little trans self on Tumblr? Eww. So I just don't join. These are people who know I'm trans! I just haven't changed how I identify to them or whatever.

Everytime I start to think about it I'm just so overwhelmed. I told two people to refer to me differently and even that has crushed me. And I haven't even interacted with them since! I don't know if I'm more scared that I won't like it...or that I will. It will just be one more thing on my fucking to do list. I need to find some more queer people to hang with irl cuz it has been so rewarding, but just too distant I feel like I'm going insane. I simultaneously have the closest connection I've ever felt with a community and yet am crippled by the weight of the loneliness.

I've opened Pandora's box, and I was not prepared for it. I was a lurker on Reddit! I was just trying to be horny damn it. I wanted to bust a nut and chat with cute people for once so maybe I could stop being so inexperienced and now I've lost the comfort of my situation. I knew in the back of my head I was going to do all of these steps at some point probably but I NEED MORE TIME. I have to wait for eight different kinds of appointments before I can even think about it increasing my hrt because of my health conditions and some of them feel so far away.

And if I want to go to someone for comfort (which is already something I struggle so hard with!) There are always roadblocks. The people on Tumblr who I feel I could reach out to can only give me so much, it's over the internet. It is a great supplement to relationships but can only go so far without lots of work around. The people irl? Most of them don't even know about any of this and aren't in the know about queer stuff so I'd have to talk and explain so much. And the people I fully came out to? I'm not ready to face the emotions of them referring to me differently. And all of these have solutions mainly, but the issue. They all take work. And I'm exhausted. And I'm so upset. I don't want to do it. Right now at least. I just need some more time I'm getting there and figuring things out but I need more time.

Even posting this makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like I'm being overly dramatic. Which is silly, cuz if someone else felt this way I wouldn't even dream of anything but to give em a hug and let them cry it all out. I feel like I've stopped existing in the real world. Ive always struggled with dissociation but this is a whole other level. (Also people who are faking something don't typically question themselves lmao. That's just imposter syndrome.)

This was always one of my biggest fears when it came to transition. That I would be right. That it would flip a switch and make me miserable the moment I saw the other side. And I know it would get better. But until that tunnel breaks it would be unbearable.

And maybe I will feel better tomorrow. But even that sounds like forever away right now. I need a hug.

#rant #transfem #sad thoughts #sad posting #gender dysphoria #send hugs

[love-strawberry]

3am talks cause i love you

summary : in which she's an amazing mcu actress and he's her biggest fan ever.

pairing : sebastian stan x reader

warnings : language

author's note : okayyy so a vERY HUGE THANKS TO @ateliefloresdaprimavera for giving me SO many ideas to form all this on, i love you angel <3 and evanora is y/n's character in the mcu and she's bucky's love interest and she dies in black widow okay? okay. and yeah, you'll find pieces of plot in the comments thank youuuuu

tagged : @mrsben-barnes @ateliefloresdaprimavera @0oolookitsme @slut4benbarnes @ellora-brekker

masterlist

navigation

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liked by imsebastianstan, tchalamet, taylorswift and 4,724,917 others

y/n_ 1 week left till black widow is out everywhere!! this is so exciting!! i can't wait for you all to see this <33

tagged marvel florencepugh scarjo

94,528 comments

username OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

username IM HYPERVENTILATING

username can't wait for y/n, scarlet and florence to kick ass on screen

tchalamet i better be getting free tickets

zendaya that's my wifey 🛐

florencepugh i say that's my beautiful baby and im so proud of her <3

username omg the trailer was so fucking good, like the fighting sequences? the acting? and y/n's iconic dialogues with yelena?? amazing!!

imsebastianstan YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

-> y/n_ wow ok, calm down before you pull something

username i sleep soundly at night knowing sebastian is one of us and he'd definitely sneak is bts content

username sebastian being her hypeman

username omg we're finally gonna see the widow sisters on the screen

username im not prepared for the amount of sadness im gonna feel after watching it cause endgame exists

scarjo love you bbg <3

username no thoughts just scarlet, florence and y/n being besties

username black widow deserved a trilogy

username marvel imma come for you if you hurt my babies

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liked by y/n_, scarjo, florencepugh and 4,825,529 others

imsebastianstan after watching the movie, the only i can say is you're not ready for it. y/n_ i have watched you go through this movie with determination and passion with a bit of fangirl-ness for scarlet but i couldn't be more proud of you. it doesn't matter to me that you called me up at 3am just to talk about evanora and bucky's relationship because i loved those talks. and i love you <3

102,628 comments

username im crying

username this is all very sweet but should i scared of watching the movie?

username WTF WTF WTF WTF I WATCHED IT AND WHAT? HUH? HOW?

username IM SOBBING EVANORA-

y/n_ i was already crying and now you made me cry some more :( but i love you and i am so thankful that it was you who endured my 3am rants

-> imsebastianstan and i'd do it a thousand times again <3

username the biggest plot twist was bucky in the 2 end credits scene

username "it's okay, yelena, really. you'll have that big apartment right in the middle of new york city and you'll live your best life. i'd be around to make sure of it" my heart </3

username they killed evanora off and for what? to make natasha suffer more? to make yelena blame make herself for not reaching her in time? to make bucky keep repeating the last words she said to him? what the actual fuck marvel

florencepugh you're too cute, makes me sick to my stomach but in a good way

chrisevans wow, someone PLEASE find me a lover

username both natasha and evanora had yelena on their mind before dying and that fact will keep me up at night

scarjo sweet caption. now come and pick us up please

username but y/n's acting was sooo good in this?? and florence and scarlet had ASTOUNDING chemistry with her like this movie is a masterpiece

username this movie broke me

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liked by zendaya, tomholland2013, scarjo and 4,925,196 others

y/n_ after more than a year of filming, we're finally here!! i can't believe that this is over, i had so so so much fun filming black widow. filming with scarlet and florence who are not only my sisters onscreen, they're my sisters irl too. i loved every second of it and i hope you do too!! thank you soooo much for giving this movie this much love!! i love you and thank you <3

tagged scarjo florencepugh marvel

104,915 comments

username I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC YOUR HONOUR

username when natasha said "it looked like you looked up to me but actually i was looking up to you, you're my everything, you and yelena" my soul left my body no kidding

username i thought yelena visiting natasha's grave was sad enough but marvel said fuck you and slapped me with yelena visiting evanora's grave and yelena telling bucky the news

imsebastianstan so so so so proud of you and how far you've come!! you deserve all this and more

-> y/n_ i couldn't thank you enough for supporting me, i love you!! thank you for celebrating my highs and supporting me during my lows <3

username the whISTLE-

username how can i sleep at night knowing that yelena and evanora won't live together in their apartment in nyc? that bucky and evanora won't get that 'picture perfect ending that we deserve with sam' anymore? that natasha died knowing that it should have been her instead of her sister? that peter won't EVER get to tell nora about mj? huh?

florencepugh you're my muse, and i admire you so much!! keeping shining like this baby, your deserve it. i love you ❣️

scarjo i love you SOOO much darling!! filming this movie with you has been an absolute pleasure!! 🤍🤍

username bucky's small but heartbreaking "she told me that she'd be seeing me soon"

username "i thought it was just a small mission. i-i-i don't get it, i thought- what? how?"

username bucky :(

username when you realise that evanora getting yelena that apartment in nyc was her way of saying goodbye because she had a feeling that she wouldn't make it so she wanted to make sure that yelena and natasha would be okay

anthonymackie i. am. heartbroken.

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liked by y/n_, chrisevans, tomholland2013 and 4,173,658 others

imsebastianstan meet bucky yarns, mine and y/n's son <3

tagged y/n_

99,528 comments

username omg

username that cat is the definition of perfect

username i want

chrisevans wow, betraying dodger

username his eyes are so beautiful

y/n_ give me back my son

-> imsebastianstan you've had him since morning

-> y/n_ and? your point being?

username now i wanna adopt a pet

florencepugh coming over asap

-> scarjo ditto

username bucky has my heart

username i have only had bucky yarns for 1 hour 19 minutes but if anything happened to him, i would kill everyone in this room and myself

username AWWWW

username i bet he loves y/n more

username 🤍🤍🤍

username the icon

username the legend

username the moment

zendaya wow you two are dorks but mY GODSON IS SO CUTE AWW

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liked by robertdowneyjr, chrisevans, scarjo and 4,925,528 others

y/n_ no thoughts just my boyfriend being beautiful and ethereal and pretty and handsome and sexy and hot and cute and adorable and every other adjective

tagged imsebastianstan

username awww y/n's nana fixing his bowtie

username i want him to look at me like THAT™

username 🛐

imsebastianstan stop im blushing

-> y/n_ that was literally the point??

username i want this relationship so so so so so so fucking badddd

username y can't i have this? huh? why?

tchalamet 💦 sexy seabass

username anthony is rubbing off timothee you can Tell

username i don't have to know, i just Know that he's looking at y/n like that

username imagine him at their wedding omg

florencepugh post more photos of yourself. pls. i hate looking at this dingbat

-> imsebastianstan wow- fuck you

username drooling

username y/n won at life

username their relationship>>>

chrisevans sebastian, make that look more holy

username chris oml-

username 🤰

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#social media au #social media imagines #social media fics #<3 #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan instagram #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan blurbs #sebastian stan x fluff #sebastian stan social media au #sebastian stan blurb #fake social media #fake social media au #social media #black widow #florence pugh #scarlet johansson #sebastian stan imagine

[toaster-trash]

Realising that people only want to be around you when you’re entertaining to them, when you’re in the middle of a depressive spiral and general considerably worsening mental state, is. Oooh. It’s not a fun one.

I’ll be honest, I’m pretty tired of constantly trying to put myself forward to people who are supposed to be my friends, for years and years now, as someone who’s way more lighthearted than I actually am. I’m also very tired of everyone around me, genuinely, again, for almost my entire life, to expect me to immediately get over everything bad that’s ever happened within a day. I also don’t really know how to get it through peoples heads that “mental breakdown and long ranting =/= “out of my system”, “mental breakdown and long ranting = beginning of much worse spiral if left alone with it”.

Shockingly, if multiple events permanently have changed the way I perceive and view the world, and being reminded of them, which I have been recently, causes me genuine psychological distress, rising anxiety and nightmares, then no, mentioning it once around people who just kind of barely put a word in or try to say anything about it won’t fucking cure it, obviously.

Of course since I’m venting here, I’m not saying there isn’t merit in venting, but I am saying that I feel like this whole culture around it that’s kind of developed makes it seem like the whole “a problem shared is a problem halved!” approach is an all-round fixer. Like yeah, smaller problems or less long-term problems can probably be significantly lessened by it, like I’m doing now, but massive life-changing issues can’t be, and Christ sometimes it just feels like I need more than “you can vent any time if you want”, which I appreciate, and which I barely get from the people around me in itself, but like. I’m kind of on the verge of a proper breakdown here? And I don’t want to bring that into my internet stuff, and I don’t want to put too many details into the open about that, but I mean the only reason I’m saying it is because I keep trying to make it as clear as I can in my personal life and it won’t work. And I don’t know why it won’t work. I just need more support than I’m getting from anyone, and I’m not asking for that here at all, really it’s the kind of support I can only get from a proper consistent irl relationship, but I just need to say it because I feel like I’m losing my mind a bit.

I just can’t keep pretending around people to make them like me. I just wish the people I love actually saw me the same way.

#vent

[r7iverett]

vent rant

mAN why do i feel guilty

I had a really good day today, got shit done, yet I feel guilty over saying “please don’t call me best friend”. Just 6 simple words are making me feel guilty for, what, sticking up for myself? Saying I’m uncomfortable with being called that by someone I don’t really like??

Oh, yeah, and I hate two people whose names are similar to mine!! One’s a fucking homophobe AND transphobe, the other one I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. And they’re both Christians. Nothing bad about being Christian, but they’re the “get Jesus and repent” kind. Man, I don’t know if I have religious trauma or what but I actually despise religious talk. Makes me wanna cry. I was in elementary when I was first shamed for believing in no god. ELEMENTARY. I was younger. Less mature. Less understanding of the world. And yet a fucking adult shamed me for believing in what I wanted. A full grown adult.

And now I’m put into a school full of Christians. And I’m the probably only atheist here. There may be one more but I’m not sure. But I feel like the only one. Luckily, I know someone who respects people who are gay and is Christian and doesn’t pressure it onto me 24/7. Because I hate people like that. I hate the person sitting next to me in TSA because they believe that gayness and being trans is wrong.

I hate the people sitting at the table next to me in ela because they’re so stupid and so immature. I hate my classmates in gateway because they’re so stupid to the point where they don’t know what basic reproduction is. They’re so fucking stupid. I hate them so much. I hate them. I hate my health class because people don’t ever listen or do anything except one person, and the people to the right of where I sit, except for one person because she’s actually smart, just don’t care. They don’t care about others. I hate the person who sits a bit ahead of me in health because they think my anger is funny. I hate everyone and anyone who thinks my anger is genuinely amusing. I hate it when people say “I understand you” and yet they don’t.

I hate everyone who says that. I hate anyone who says basic, negative human emotions are funny. How would you feel??? How would you feel if you were angry and people were laughing at you? How would you feel if people were pressuring something on you that you don’t believe in? How would you feel, hm? How would you feel if you were so emotional to the point where you isolate yourself for hours on end without other people’s voices and touch while you have a breakdown? How would you feel? And be honest, people! How would you feel?

People don’t understand. They don’t understand my brain. How I function. Funny how the only person who’s super super close to me (aka my mom) doesn’t understand my feelings. And yet people who I don’t interact as much with, such as one of my friends who’s present online but also an irl friend, understands me more than anything. Funny how my online friends get me more than my parents. My mom doesn’t understand anything. She says she’s the same way and yet she’s not. She’s compared sitting and standing once, saying they’re the same thing. /srs

I think my mom’s dense because they are, in fact, nkt the same thing. And I hate when she says “would you do this in class?”, because, NO. I WOULD NOT. But I’m doing it here, because it’s a non-public space, and no one can see me but myself, my brother and you. And I hate my dad, too. I don’t like him. I love my parents, but I don’t like my dad too much. I hate him more than I love him. He doesn’t believe someone can go by they/them pronouns, and as someone who prefers it when people refer to me with they/them online and partially irl, it makes me want to sob. He makes me feel like I’m pressured to shave. He doesn’t let me have headphones or my tablet at the table because he wants to “have a family dinner / lunch”. I wish you weren’t my dad sometimes. Because I don’t like you.

I feel like I’m too emotional. I cry too easily. I get angry too easily. And it doesn’t make it easier that I pressure myself. I pressure myself to get stuff done sometimes. I hate this. I hate my brain. Why must I do this to myself. And the only way I can relieve this hatred and sadness is either keeping it to myself or talking to people online about it.

I hate this. And I’m starting to hate me.

#vent #/neg #rant #negative rant #homophobia tw #homophobia mention #homophobia mention tw #transphobia tw #transphobia mention #transphobia mention tw #tw religious trauma #religious trauma tw #religious trauma #<- just in case. I don’t know if I’d consider it trauma but I wanted to add this. #tw toxic Christianity #toxic Christianity #toxic Christianity tw #tw homophobia #tw homophobia mention #tw transphobia #tw transphobia mention

[inu-jiru]

HB S2E4 Thoughts

Gonna get this out while the episode’s still kinda fresh in my mind, also, again, no I’m not gonna stop watching this stupid show and I won’t stop ranting about it because it’s funny and if that’s a problem, then tough shit.

ANYWAY

I can’t decide where I’d rank this episode. It feels like each episode is worse than the last, but this episode is special for a variety of reasons. For one, I really thought it would be longer and not just 18 minutes. The pacing was ridiculous and that’s saying a lot. As shitty as Ep. 3 was, at least I was engaged at certain points, while here, everything felt like one huge joke that ended with “sad Stolas sniff sniff oh Blizo cares I guesss :C :C :C” I’ve seen people say this episode is decent, but...no??? I like Striker and all but even he got fucked in this episode. Lemme try and list some shit out so I’m no writing a wall of text:

- Loona’s plot was pointless, but I’ve been made aware of her VAs irl situation that was most likely occurring at the time the episode was being made, and I won’t be making a joke out of that. If it was too late to properly make changes to the script, then I can forgive the inclusion. The only thing I really liked about them was that there was effort to do SOME worldbuilding with imp racism. I also found the doctor really cute; I was wondering what ring the Baphomets were native to and now I know.

- The main plot was...wow. I’ve seen people talk about the behind the scenes stuff with Stella and Andrealphus and I was so nervous that it would appear and it kinda did and LIKE? WHY? I could be looking too deeply into it but it really feels like they were doing weird, incest-y vibes, and what creeps me out about it is how childish Stella is in this episode. She has this one-tract mind and has to be explained shit that realistically she should already know, like she’s fucking 5, and that plus the incest vibes gives some bad implications. I doubt the shit will be looked into in any meaningful way but stay classy, Viv.

Incest aside, so cute how Andrealphus has to be the brains behind the situation. A woman CANNOT do anything for herself or think logically in HB. Andrealphus’ plan doesn’t make any sense either. Don’t kill Stolas and manipulate money and power out of him...somehow? Are people just forgetting Ozzie’s? Do people STILL not realize Blitzo has a Grimore? Shouldn’t Stolas be ruined already? Even if he wasn’t, killing Stolas and manipulating Octavia while she’s in the mourning stages would be a much simpler plan then whatever’s coming next. I know they don’t have the guts to kill Stolas but make it make sense PLEASE.

- Striker was ruined for me, honestly. I wasn’t his number one fan or anything but I thought he was interesting, but here he’s just some moron with a secret lair that gets revealed in two seconds by the Rango-Ripoff mariachi band, and keeps getting all his quips and shit ruined by Stolas “I can’t think of anything except dick” Goetia. I can’t even be interested in what he said about losing someone to the Goetia because Vivzie HAS to do some jokey, memey shit with her villains every five seconds. Crimson, as stupid as his plans were, was far more serious, and that’s a problem.

- M&M were just there, like, their rematch didn’t even feel like a dramatic part two, and Moxxie fighting those guys at the gas station really spits in the face of “you’re strong for both of us” and the previous episode.

- Blitzo. Blitzo Buckzo. How do you get surprised that Stolas can get hurt when you LITERALLY saw Striker aiming a blessed gun at him. I’m so sick and tired of this show pretending like there’s something there between him and Stolas. There’s not. There’s nothing. Blitzo is just blasé until the plot NEEDS him to suddenly look sad or sound sad and then it’s right back to “Ugh Stolas what do u want” in the next episode. What’s really cute is that I know there’s gonna be post after post about how deep the last minute of the episode was and how Blitzo is just so afraid to show love :C and how Stolas is blah blah blah, which is ironic because these are the same people who say “oh it’s just a cartoon”, “oh it’s a comedy” “it’s hell so who cares”. Well, I don’t care so I guess if that’s what Viv was going for then congrats.

- Stolas had no reason to stand there for 3 seconds looking at Striker and not doing anything. And why didn’t he just go full demon and eat that bitch, like fuck would it kill you to be smart, my dude? I don’t even know why Stella had this happen, like what if Striker decided to go for a two for one and blast her as well? What if she got caught in the crossfire? WHERE WAS OCTAVIA IN THIS EPISODE?

Shit, that’s all I got for now. The more I think about this episode the funnier it gets to me ngl

#helluva spoilers #helluva boss critical #Jazz rambles #I gotta go back to my writing #Stella don't worry girl I got u #I can write u way better believe that

[bwobgames]

just have a question about the character: what does Angel like about Beboo

Yes! Ive been waiting for this opportunity! ive spent a good time doing screenshots to answer this

All this story is seen through Beebo's eyes. He's your guy, the character you play as in videogame speaking terms, so we dont really know much about Ángels point of view

So here it is, a long rant on how that wet cat of a man has fallen in love with the detective boy

The thing about their relationship is that its always about to start, but they never actually start. They are also trapped in the timeloop relationship-wise, never being able to actually get into the actual relationship

But!! Unlike Beebo who has repeatedly fallen for this man 4 times in a row, Ángel gradually gets more and more into the guy as he knows more about him in each loop

So, starting the night, my man here doesn't know much about relationships. He's more of a kiss and leave kinda guy.

He goes expecting the hunger games irl but turns outs its just a boring museum.

Then he sees a pretty guy, and you know, habits die hard. He sees pretty, he wants to keep it for himself.

So he's like "hey, getting with a guy, that's a better use of my time.

Surely this wont end up in feelings or anything crazy haha"

He knows the guy more, and what does he find:

He's a very direct guy! Mans wants information for his investigation and hes going to get it!

One of the things Ángel says that he fails in relationships is communication

So he really likes that this guy will just straight up be like "give me my information. Also are you into men"

He likes a guy whos direct in what he wants in himself and others, and is not afraid to say it

He also likes that they have similar beliefs! Specifically in law

They both hate cops and he's a guy that can recognize flaws in the legal system, yeah! He could go take some beers with this guy!

But! To really test if this guy is friend and possible bf material he needs the Vivi approval (tm)

He passed the Vivi approval as she did not actively tried to bite him. Hooray

And here's the kicker, this guy is smart! Really smart!

He's impressed by that! Admires it, even. He's charmed by beebos autistic swag and love for puzzles. He would like to play Professor Layton with this guy.

So why not? Why not try something more with this pretty boy.

Why not a bit of hand holding

And then! The guy completely surprises him by going

Sadly, Ángel is an absolute videogame nerd, and he's completely charmed by this

Shared interests are important for him, and he loves games!

I tried making that a bit more obvious in the whole "whos your favorite detective/criminal" and him only answering with game characters

Do note that he says "like" and not "love". He's just starting to know this guy.

And he likes what he's starting!

If only he didn't die.

Second round

So here, he's a bit lost.

He was ready to start something, but this guy doesn't remember? Also did he just go back in time? What??

He's completely lost

And then the guy does this

Unknowingly, Oliver gives him stability. Now, he's not as lost. And! He can still try things out with this guy! Time might be fucked but he has Oliver with him again, even though he doesn't remember, he still wants to be there for him

And!! This is something Ángel really likes! Oliver is insecure about how much work he puts in a relationship, but he's actually putting a lot of work into this! He's actively pushing forward to have a future together

And Ángel likes that too! He likes that they are both putting the work into making things work, they both want to try it out!

And really, a big selling point in getting with someone is that the someone does, indeed, want to get with you too

Then he dies again

Round three!!!

Id say round three is when he officially is in too deep.

He said he tried to be in a stable relationship with a guy because he was funny

Well guess what

This guy is also funny!! Get fucked!!

But here he really gets to see Beebos more assertive side

This is the only man who has actually caught him in the middle of a heist

And he didn't even have to! He just wanted and did!

That's a challenge. This man would make things more exciting, seeing as he actually could give him a run for his money

Look at this self-assured bastard. Oh Ángel would love to run around roofs with him on his tail, trying to catch him, exciting!!

This whole round, he just has a great time! They talk about interests, joke around, bully kids, explore the house, all-around fun👍

But here's the thing that absolutely kills him: even now, where they are rivals of the sort, he still cares.

And that's the final nail in the coffin.

Even when Oliver was actively, painfully dying, he tried his best to comfort Ángel, and promised to save him.

Because even though he's the guy that keeps dying, seeing Ángel be sad is somehow worse

Round four

Here, they are detective partners, and Beebos' caring side really shows!

He wants to help Ángel, wants to comfort him, and listen to his issues

He offers to show him around town! His own grandma's chickens! Because he wants to see him happy!

He even promises he won't die this time and then actually survives! The absolute mad lad!

This kills the man.

What do you mean this smart, caring, funny, interesting, cool guy likes me? And wants to have a future with me just as much as I want to have a future with him?

It's all about the want to start something new, to have someone by your side and walk the same path

Which, yknow, can sound a little boring, but as a person who is getting deep into adulthood, yeah no this is it. This is the goal

And he cant wait to get out of this timeloop, to finally see the sun rise and welcome a new day, with him.

Bonus round

You know the moment Ángel hears about beebo fighting until the very end in the other house and against Eugene even with all the odds against him is gonna wake up something in that man. Love me a guy who refuses to go down without a fight

#And there is more i didnt say #he also thinks hes interesting! that small talk about puzzles and videogames left him wanting for more #he thinks Oliver has interesting thoughts! he wants to hear them! #this is long. hope it answered your question 👍 #of course is not all happiness this man does have a good deal of survivor guilt #and feels responsible for all the times oliver has died #that cant be solved with romance #but having a good support system does help #also i dont know how to add a read more so #long post #sowwy #detective beebo

[the-force-awakens]

Hey, Nym, are you okay? I'm so sorry someone was ableist with one of your (amazing) hcs 🥺 I'm here if you wanna talk about what happened. But no pressure ♡

I debated answering this one publicly. Debated answering this one at all. Because sure, for all my playful kvetching, my passionate rants about why the things I like are cool and people shouldn't be dicks about it, and my occasional relatable depression text post reblog, I don't get negative on here. It's kind of my thing, or at least I like to think it is. I love to think my brand on here is that weird, positive autistic girl who is completely obsessed with Poe Dameron, and I also like to think it's a well earned brand. You don't stay on this bullshit for three years if you're normal.

So yeah, debated answering it because I didn't want to post the honest answer, but honestly this is a shitty situation, and it's important, so I am: I'm not okay.

I won't go into details, because contrary to what some clowns may believe I don't vague post (oh, oops, guess I just did a little), or at least if I kind of do, it's usually vaguing behaviors I see spread across multiple parts of a fandom, but I will talk about what it's like to be disabled and in fandom. What it is like to be autistic and in fandom.

I'm on Tumblr because it's a space where I can have a little dragon hoard of my special interest. It's where I can infodump about it. It's a space where I don't have to mask (much). In 2020, I jumped feet first into a certain special interest because life was shit and it made me happy. For every shitty take, every negative opinion I was hit with, I threw out more positive creations. I wrote. I giffed. I meta-ed to my heart's content and I was so fucking happy.

Then it....became a thing. I don't mind, as previously mentioned, my brand being that girl weirdly obsessed with a fictional pilot who isn't that popular outside of his fanon ships from a trilogy that this website loathes with as many burning suns as I hate - I don't even know something I hate that much. Anyway, I didn't mind that. But suddenly I became a wikipedia search bar. And....for the first little while, I didn't mind. Because I got to infodump about him, and I don't get to infodump irl, and my friends had heard plenty. And besides, I liked helping people! I like pointing people in the right direction of things.

But like I said. It became a thing. People were comfortable dm-ing me questions, getting mad about the answers I had, and sending back their own headcanons to contradict them. I got praised a lot for....having a special interest and being passionate about that subject. It started to feel a little bit...weird. But then I started realizing that people mostly only talked to me when they needed information from me, and that felt. Awful. It made me feel used just a little bit, and I took a step back from fandom because of it and some other mental health issues I was having.

(apparently if you're autistic this means you're 'distant')

But I wanted to keep creating, because making stuff makes me happy, and I'm autistic and I want a space to be autistic, and don't always want to (I know it does not bother you, but still) bother my friends with it, because there's loads of other conversations to have.

Fandom is more isolated now, but I feel that more keenly as someone who is disabled and audhd. Characters I relate to are seen as villains and monsters in the fandom, or manipulators that pressure people into doing what they want, or arrogant assholes who really just need to be put in their place. I try my best to ignore it.

It's harder to ignore when a not-super popular headcanon you made out of comfort after dissing your abled a bit more and living through a fairly traumatic job experience (and ergo losing out on a job because no one believed you were disabled), gets taken and written in an explicitly ableist way that mimicks precisely the trauma you were seeking comfort from.

I don't know who fandom is for anymore, but it's certainly not for me.

#ask box #i-belong-to-the-stars #thank you love i appreciate the support. #negativity #fandom wank