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atsulovee · 3 months

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NSFW ALPHABET - fem dazai . . . ❣

➻❥ cw: technically gn!reader but intended to be read as wlw, smut, switch dazai, switch reader, drug use, strap-ons, very mild yandere themes?? idk how that happened ➻❥ wc: 2.0k ➻❥ notes: we need more wlw content in the bsd smut tags please i'm so desperate. femzai...save me femzai... femzai save me.... i only used the letters of dazai's name for this one so let me know if you want the full version :) ➻❥ divider: @/kithsune

Oral - (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

♡ fem dazai is a lot like regular dazai in a lot of ways, but one of the most notable differences is how much of a princess she is. she just adores the way you look with your head between her thighs, your pretty face framed by her scarred thighs, doting on her as she moans and whines like the brat she is. she’ll never say no if you want to be eaten out, of course! she loves digging her fingers into the plush of your thighs as she fucks your pretty cunt with her tongue, feeling you cream on her tongue… maybe it’s a cliche, but she would love to suffocate between your thighs ♡ she’s very experienced, too! during her years in the port mafia, she had become an expert in human anatomy and physiology and it certainly had more uses than torturing the poor souls who knew too much. she knows where every sensitive nerve is, exactly when to move, and how to do it to make both pretty girls and handsome men fall apart in seconds. ♡ after she became an executive, she somewhat frequently found herself in bars, bringing anyone who caught her attention to bed with her. she never really had a lot of down time and it was always a little dangerous to stay that vulnerable for so long, so dazai often found herself either eating some girl out or getting serviced herself as quick as possible, which certainly wasn’t hard with both her experience and skill.

Stamina - (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

♡ it varies from day to day. some days, her libido just dips out of nowhere which leaves her with only one orgasm in her. but on better days, she’s more than excited to push both you and herself to your limits. Most times when you get intimate, it lasts hours. Thorough foreplay and passionate sex. ♡ when she doms, she focuses more on your pleasure which means she’ll last as long as you can. and even then, she’ll mumble soothingly into your ear as she continues to work her fingers in and out of your pussy, feeling your cum drip down her fingers and into her palm. She refuses to stop for the night until one of two things happen. either she edges you and overstimulates you until you cum for her at least three times or you use your safe word. ♡ when she subs, however, she likes when you push her over her limits until all she can do is whimper and sob out your name. when she lets you have control, you have control. you decide when she cums, you decide how she gets railed, you decide when you stop. the safeword counts when she says it too, of course, but she hardly ever sees the need to say it.

Aftercare - (what they’re like after sex)

♡ any version of dazai is a total princess, through and through. unless one of you squirted and cleaning up is absolutely necessary, all she’ll wanna do is cuddle and love up on you. ♡ if she was particularly rough and you’re out of it by the time she’s done with you, she’ll begrudgingly get up to grab a washcloth to clean up the sticky mess between your legs. she’s pretty chatty afterwards, too. as she cleans you up, she’s chuckling and teasing you about the mess you made. ♡ “such a pretty, messy little thing…” she mumbles, though her voice is all you can hear in the almost silent room. the damp washcloth continually inches closer and closer to your still wet cunt, warm and soothing. ♡ ahem. anyway. ♡ if you’re too sleepy to hold a conversation, she’ll just run her fingers through your hair as she peppers kisses over your sternum and up your neck as her fingers play with the soft fat of your chest. ♡ and no matter what, she expects you to return the favor or else you’ll get an earful from your clingy, whiny girlfriend.

Motivation - (what turns them on, gets them going)

♡ aside from all the expected things (like seeing you in lingerie, watching sweat drip from your neck and disappear between your tits, seeing you out of breath and spattered in someone else’s blood-) she loves when you get passionate about something. she loves listening to you rant, looking at you with lovestruck eyes as you pace around the living room. she loves watching you get pissed, though she feels a little guilty about that one, because she can’t help but fantasize about how you could ruin her. she’s far from weak but she certainly is no blackbelt. ♡ everyone knows dazai thrives on getting reactions out of people, so even the smallest blush, groan or sneer from you as she whispers her filthiest ideas and fantasies to you is enough to make her thighs quiver. ♡ the way you, jokingly or not, call her a pervert or a creep as she tells you how she’d love to die between your legs or how pretty you look when you whine and squirm as one of your vibrators tortures your clit.

Unfair - (how much they like to tease)

♡ it’s dazai. that’s all that needs to be said. ♡ but for real, no matter if she’s subbing or domming, she’s going to be teasing you ruthlessly. if you cum quick, she’ll praise herself and call you easy. she’s just so good, of course her pretty little whore would fall apart immediately <3 ♡ if she has to work to make you cum, she’ll only get meaner as she purposely puts off your orgasm just to make you cry out for her. ♡ even when she’s on the bottom, laced through her cries of ecstasy, she’ll be complaining about you being soft with her, asking you if that’s all you’ve got. But you both know she’s just trying to provoke you into wrecking her until she can’t walk the next day.

Dirty secret - (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

♡ she’s a woman with plenty of skeletons in her closet, so it’s no surprise she has a couple of perversions. i’m such a firm believer of pervert! Dazai and i’m preaching it every day. ♡ she thinks about spitting into your mouth as she puts you in the mating press as she wears a strap on. she loves wearing your underwear, especially right after you have. she wants you to fuck her throat with the strap on even as she gags and retches. her thoughts have become infinitely more debaucherous the moment she decided she wanted to have sex with you. ♡ One of her favorite things to do is either wear no panties at all or wear yours and inconspicuously bend over in front of you whenever she has the opportunity to.

Aphrodisiac - (sex while drunk/ high. do they like it? how is sex different?)

♡ alright we all know that to some extent, dazai has a substance abuse problem. that being said, having sex while under the influence is one of her favorite things ever, point blank. ♡ getting just buzzed enough that it feels like her head is in the clouds as you bring her body to cloud nine is the closest she’ll ever get to heaven, she thinks. ♡ sex is always slower, lazier but you both always collapse afterwards, trembling and moaning as your slick drips down your thighs. ♡ she’s also absolutely the type to just leave her computer open with like a billion articles about how weed enhances orgasms. ♡ most of the time, one of you will stay sober while the other is inebriated just to make sure one of you is conscious enough to know if things need to end. when she’s high, dazai gets giggly and lazy, melting like pudding in your hands as you have to manhandle her to make her do anything. she babbles the entire time, words slurring as she whines about how amazing it feels and how much she loves you and how she doesn’t deserve someone like you. ♡ (you didn’t hear it from me, but she definitely cried a few times from how gentle you would be with her)

Zones - (what are their erogenous zones? what spots on their body should be touched, bitten, kissed, when someone wants to get them in the mood?)

♡ it’s just something about your gentle touches to the small of her back, the soft kisses to her inner thigh, and the feel of your warm breath wafting over her neck that just makes her melt. that’s definitely one of your trump cards. if she’s ever particularly bratty and you wanna make her all pretty and docile, even the smallest caresses of those areas and a soft whisper asking her to be your good girl is enough to make her submit. ♡ however, if you wanna be rough with her, then digging your fingers into her waist and the back of her thighs is the way to go. even if she tried, dazai could never tell you why that certain pressure makes her gasp and writhe beneath you. holding her knees to her chest as you wreck her cunt, raking your nails against the back of her thighs, it’s enough to make her cum, even if you were only barely touching her cunt. ♡ she also for sure has a thing for both pulling hair and getting her hair pulled. she loves the way your manicured nails rake through her tousled, brown hair as she fucks her tongue in and out of you, lapping up every drop of cum you’re willing to give her.

Alone time - (how do they get off when they’re all by themselves? do they watch porn, is it all in their imagination, do they jerk off, do they use toys?)

♡ absolutely has pictures and videos of you to get off to when you aren’t around to help her get off. hell, when she gets particularly needy, even just a photo of you in a low cut, form fitting dress is enough to make her pussy ache. ♡ it wasn’t exactly a common occurrence, but dazai has watched porn before. it’s only ever when she’s desperate and she has absolutely nothing else to turn to. though usually, the shitty acting, bad scripts, weird angles, and over the top moaning is a major turn off for her. ♡ especially now that she has you, she finds porn to be extra annoying. ♡ i feel like dazai never really bothered with toys before she met you, honestly. every time she’s had sex, it was most often a one night stand initiated randomly so there was no time to get sex toys involved. and if it wasn’t just for fun, then she was sleeping with someone for a mission and at that point she just wanted that to be over with. ♡ anyway back to the actual point. ♡ it was your initial idea to being up sex toys to dazai and she promptly fell in love. ♡ she owns a multitude of vibrators. clitoral, g-spot, massagers, at least one of each type. she also got a couple dildos for you two to pick from whenever you wanted to use them. her favorite to use during alone time is one about 6.5 inches long with just the perfect curve for her. the plastic may have made her cum several times, but it’ll never replace her darling girlfriend <3

Intimacy - (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

♡ honestly, it would’ve taken a while for dazai to be willing to get genuinely intimate with you. of course, there’s always that hopeless romantic bravado she puts on for everyone to see but she was worried the moment she realized she got attached to you. ♡ the moment she got something she cherished, life would swoop in to take it away. and so she stayed away from you as much as she could. if you work as a waitress in the cafe, dazai would mysteriously never show up when you are on duty. if you’re an agent, dazai always has an excuse as to why she could never partner up with you. ♡ it’s humiliating, but she’s scared. ♡ but months passed and you insisted on seeing her and, even just for a little bit, nothing seemed to change. things have been going uphill to a certain degree ever since she joined the detective agency and she knew she couldn’t just cower away forever… ♡ so she decided to take a chance. ♡ there have been many times that when you have sex, dazai will bury her face into the junction of your shoulder and try not to cry. It’s during those soft moments where she decides to slow down and take her time in helping you fall apart. ♡ like with everything else, she flips from being silly and light-hearted to slow and serious in a moment’s notice. ♡ she’s not always super romantic and she can be clumsy when she tries, but god… ♡ she loves you so much.

𝖠𝗅𝗅 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌 ©atsulovee (2024). 𝖣𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖼𝗈𝗉𝗒, 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗀𝗂𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗓𝖾, 𝗈𝗋 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗂𝗆 𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄 𝖺𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗈𝗐𝗇, please and thank you! 𝖣𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌 𝗈𝗇 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝗌! 𝖱𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗌 are highly appreciated :)

#bsd x reader #bsd smut #dazai x reader #dazai smut #bungou stray dogs smut #bungou stray dogs x reader #secret journal #from your dearest flower

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morrieandlicky · 1 year

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E.M. Forster's journal entries relating to Maurice in his "Locked Diary"

Apologies in advance—I only had about an hour in the library to skim through the entire source, "The Journals and Diaries of E.M. Forster vol 2", which contains every journal entry of Forster from 1910 to the late 1960's. I thus probably missed some mentions of Maurice. But surprisingly, there were much fewer Maurice entries than expected—and many are short and subtle.

6th December, 1913:

The first mention of Maurice: "my novel goes slower."

(Some context: the short story mentioned here is Forster's gay erotic story which "shocked" his mentor Dickinson—and caused a rift between them. Meredith is the real-life Clive Durham who read Maurice's writing in progress and was utterly repelled by the story.)

31st December, 1913:

The second mention is also the most important and iconic one: "Edward Carpenter! Edward Carpenter! Edward Carpenter!"

The entry is a part of Forster's 1913 end-of-year reflection. It shows Forster mentally struggling with whether to proceed with the novel. It's also confirmed that the day he formulated the love story in his mond during his visit to Edward Carpenter and George Merrill—the real-life Maurice and Alec—is 13th of September, 1913.

Also, the Greenwood here is not the same greenwood Maurice and Alec escape to. It's Leonard Greenwood, a close confidante of Forster who was very important in producing and preserving the first manuscript of Maurice, and who fell apart with Forster later.

June, 1914:

Completely my fault—I failed to capture the exact date and wider context, but I do remember it being a very brief mention of Maurice in the summer of 1914.

31st December, 1914:

Another end of year reflection. We see that Forster was able to mend his relationship with Dickinson who liked and approved Maurice. Also, we can guess of Meredith (H.O.M.)'s continuing aversion to the novel, Greenwood's relationship with Forster deteriorating, and Forster feeling indebted to Edward Carpenter (E.C.).

(The next and last entry about Maurice I found is from the '1950s... I might have missed some mentions. But it must be noted that Maurice was revised many times between 1914 and 1959. There was even a point in 1932 when Forster finalized a manuscript that had a much less satisfying ending between Maurice and Alec without the epilogue.

Forster's letters with his friends who've read Maurice do show us his own thoughts on the story's ending as well as what drove his revisions across decades. His diary, however, does not.)

31st December, 1952 and 1st January, 1953:

Context: in 1951/1952, Forster was encouraged by another gay novelist Christopher Isherwood to add more scenes between Maurice and Alec, and so Forster did, enthusiastically and very quickly—after many years of refusing Isherwood's requests to add more scenes (we don't know what Isherwood said to Forster to sway him). Hence, the hotel chapter after the British museum was manually added to the 1932 finalized manuscript—clipped in, actually. The "Maurice's end" mentioned here is probably not the hotel chapter, however, but likely Maurice's final farewell to Clive.

That's it. Though the novel wasn't completely finalized until 1959 when Forster managed to unite Maurice and Alec at the boathouse in explicit writing. Before then, their reunion was only implied, which is why the 1932 ending is a big let-down since it didn't have the monologue.

Lastly, some interesting diary entries from Forster:

Why was Forster drawn to lower class men? Carpenter explained himself.

2. Forster moving on from his first love Mohammed el Adl, a lower-class Egyptian who ended up marrying a woman and likely broke up with Forster on very bad terms. (Spoiler alert: Forster failed to move on... Plenty of mentions and entries about Mohammed later on.)

Context: the relationship between Mohammed and Forster is much like the one between Maurice and Alec—they probably had their own episodes about class struggles and "blackmail" in real life—except the happy ending.

3. Um... Did Forster and Bob have a lot of rough sex?

4. Lastly, some mentions of Edward Carpenter and George Merrill in his diaries after Forster became neighbor with them since they moved from Millthorpe to Guilford.

I like how George Merrill is described as "skittish". You'll know it's very characteristic of him if you've read Edward Carpenter's biography on George Merrill.

Context: Moh. refers to Mohammed. This was around 1922 after Mohammed left Forster and got married and then died. We can see that the end of their time together was rather unpleasant.

Source: The Journals and Diaries of E M Forster Vol 2 by Philip Gardner

#maurice #maurice em forster #maurice 1987 #maurice hall #em forster #edward carpenter #george merrill #clive durham #alec scudder #em forster maurice #Christopher Isherwood #Bob Buckingham #secret journal #diaries #gay books #gay novel #1900s #edwardian era

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theluxuriansecret · 29 days

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Diary Entry 04012024

Dear Diary,

I'm starting to feel like I'm abandoning myself, but I promise that is going to change. I think I said in my last post that I would write once a week because clearly writing once a day is genuinely too much of an obligation, but I still want to find a way to express my feelings. SO here I go:

To begin, I have completed my first week of work at my first big girl, corporate job. It is starting to pick up and I am really excited about it. Honestly, it sucks that there are a lot of exterior things to my work that are kind of numbing or getting in the way of my excitement, but I can acknowledge the positive feeling nonetheless. I only commute three days a week, and it going to take some time to get used to. It's exhausting as of right now, but am proud of myself for making the effort, getting up everyday, figuring my route out and getting on with it and I'm excited to see what this week will challenge me with. (Which I feel like one will be the weather because it's supposed to rain all three of my commute days RIP)

I have been having some incredibly tough to face feelings about the people around me, my family, my friends, my relationship. It honestly has felt very isolating, but it is something I will start trying to work through this week but I want to dive into some of those things.

The first, my friend. To be honest, I feel like distancing myself from her. I do not like how she speaks to me, and sometimes I feel like I try to ignore my feelings for the sake of keeping the peace, but what happens when I know longer feel the peace I keep trying to uphold? I feel like, our friendship truly only continues to perceiver is because I am the friend that wants to do the things she wants to do, but I truly do not think I am the one she really wants there. Could I be reaching? Maybe? Is it a possibility? I still think so. I have had these feelings harboring inside me for quite sometime, and I feel the need to really make sure my feelings are what they are before I try to talk to her about.

Next up we have my family. Fuck. I once said something about like "why is family so complicated?" and now I almost understand. I have a small family, and I have been around people who have these huge families, and stay connected with them. And then I think about my family dynamic. It's just my mom + dad, brother + grandma and I. And it's really hard to fucking deal with? Because on one end, I feel like they are all difficult to deal with in their own way. But then I just figured out they're all i fucking have. They are all I have. And I need to give my relationships with them a real try. [TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT] I don't know if I ever journaled about one of my family members m*lesting me and my parents basically blaming me for it. I don't know if I ever truly forgave them or if I just let it go because I live under their roof. I don't know what that kind of forgiveness looks like, and I don't even know where it begins. [Triggering Content Ends] Which also brings up my weird feelings for my dad. I feel like ever since I've joined the "real world" he sees me. He wants to talk to me more, he is more invested in "what I am up to" its weird. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Did you not see me before? Did anything I did prior to having a job matter? Is me having a job the only way you feel like you can relate to me? I have questions, many, but I don't know if I can really stomach the answers. And my mother, I feel myself losing respect for her everyday, which is so weird because I have worked so hard to be able to call her my best friend and bestow that title onto her. But.. he continuing her affair even though my father is aware of it makes me sick. It makes me wonder how he feels, but who am I to go up to my dad and say "How does mom's affair make you feel?" I think ultimately it's none of my business, but also she involves me and I know way more than I should so...

Lastly, my relationship. *sigh* I do not know where to begin. I have also been harboring emotions about this too, which sucks because on paper its going really well. To begin, we hit the two month mark tomorrow, which he has acknowledged. But also, I think he has too much on his plate, and I'm really the last thing that should be on it. Maybe that sound crazy, but also.. I think he jumped into things with me too quickly. He got out of his last relationship in July and we made things official in February, I don't know how much growth a person needs outside of a relationship to really start working on themselves, but I do know that I feel neglected in our relationship. One of the things we used to talk about as friends was healing and growing closer to ourselves, which I truly spent all of last year doing. Did I mess with a boy here and there, yes, but I also didn't let it completely consumer me (well...) and I knew that I was ready to be un anything serious. Now almost two years of being single, I told myself I would not deny myself the opportunity to be truly and genuinely loved. I wanted to be heard, I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be respected, and he does all of those things. BUT, I feel as though I have truly been put on the back burner. I think that I definitely was someone he wanted to build with and grow with, but I think he got to me so that no one else got to me. And now that he has me, he is doing everything he can do now NOW to better himself, and I hate that for me. I try to be patient and understand. I try to be helpful and compassionate, but I have needs too and they're not being met. I want to spend physical time with my person, but all my person keeps thinking about is getting money (typical Capricorn). I want to find a good way to bring this up without attacking him, because he is already going through so much emotionally already. But I want a relationship, a partner, I do not want a pen pal. I did not sign up for that.

So we will see where we go from there. I think this week is going to be really emotional. Mercury in retrograde, we're in Aries which is the astrological new beginning. A lot of things are shifting all at one and everyone is really feeling it. I am deeply feeling it, and my period is coming. So.. good luck to me this mercury retrograde and eclipse season. It's about to get real intense.

No SOTD, sorry :(

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deepfluffycloudmentality · 2 years

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SUBSTITUTED CODE LETTERS FOR NAMES IN MY DIARY AND CANT FIGURE IT OUT.

IVE SPENT 10 MINS TRYING TO DECIPHER THE NAMES: A WHOLE ASS MYSTERY

#online diary #diary #journal #code #secret #secret journal #journalling

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misslubaluft · 6 months

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#pushkin #alexander pushkin #secret journal #russia

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nicklloydnow · 9 months

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“I, the intellectual

I acted perfectly consciously, in the middle of my life, according to the idea I had formed of the duties of an intellectual.

The intellectual, the writer, the artist is not a citizen like any other. He has duties and rights which are superior to those of others.

This is why I took a bold decision; but in moments of turmoil the average individual is in the same situation as the artist. In those moments the State does not provide any definite direction or any aim which is sufficiently elevated. This is how it was in 1940. Marshal Pétain offered us unity, but that was all: it was a shadow void of content. So some brave men went to Paris, others to London.

Those who chose London have been more fortunate; but for the time being the last word has not been said.

I went to Paris and, together with a few other people, we decided to take it on ourselves to go beyond strictly national interests, to brave general opinion, to be in a minority regarded with hesitation, doubt, distrust, and, finally, to be cursed when our luck turned at El Alamein and Stalingrad.

It is the duty of the intellectual, or at least of some of them, to go beyond the event, to take risks, to try out the roads of History. If they choose the wrong moment, it is too bad. They have performed a necessary mission, that of being outside the crowd - whether before, behind, or beside, is of no consequence: what matters is to be outside. Tomorrow is not made of what one side has seen today. Tomorrow is made both of what the majority have seen and what the minority have seen.

A nation is not a single voice, it is a concert. There must always be a minority; and we were that minority. We lost, we have been stigmatised as traitors: that is right. You would have been the traitors if your cause had been defeated.

And France would have been no less France; Europe, Europe.

I am one of those intellectuals whose duty is to be in the minority.

Minority! We are several minorities. There is no majority. That of 1940 soon dissolved, and yours, too, will dissolve.

The resistance

So many minorities: The old democracy

The communists

I am proud of having been one of those intellectuals. Later people will lean over us in order to hear a sound different to the common sound. And this weak sound will grow louder.

I did not want to be an intellectual who prudently measures his words. I could have written in secret (I had thought of doing so), written in the free zone, abroad.

No, one must assume one's responsibilities, join impure groups, acknowledge that political law which obliges us to accept contemptible or odious allies. We must dirty our feet, at least, but not our hands. And this is what I did. My feet are dirty, but my hands are clean.

I did not indulge in any activity in these groups. But I joined them so that you could judge me today, so that you could pronounce a common, vulgar sentence. Judge me, then, since you are the judges or the jurors.

I put myself at your mercy. But I am sure of escaping from you in the long run. I am sure of finding a place of my own, in time, in the distant future.

But, when the time comes, you must judge me in full. That is why I am here.

You will not escape me, I will not escape you.

Be true to the pride of the Resistance as I am true to the pride of the Collaborators. Do not cheat me any more than I am cheating you. Sentence me to death.

No half measures, now. Thought had become easy and it has now become difficult again. Do not allow the former facility to return.

Yes, I am a traitor. Yes, I worked with the enemy. I offered the enemy French intelligence. It is no fault of mine if this enemy was not intelligent.

Yes, I am no ordinary patriot, no limited nationalist: I am an internationalist.

I am not only a Frenchman, I am a European.

You are Europeans too, whether you know it or not. But we played and I lost.

I demand the death penalty.”