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kingwuko · 3 years

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Wuko in the comics

Welcome to my first post discussing Wuko in the LoK comic books!

This first post will be discussing Turf Wars- which unfortunately does not feature Wu. But there are lots of excellent Mako moments, and there are some major plot points that carry over into the next comic trilogy.

Turf Wars is the first LoK comic trilogy released after the finale. Though it was released two and half years after the finale aired, it picks up right where we left off. While the creators confirmed after the finale aired that Korrasami was canon, the last moments of the animated series were a little ambiguous (on purpose, since this was a time when queer representation was just not considered "acceptable" in children's media-it was truly the only way they could get away with it). The comics definitively remove all ambiguity. Turf Wars features multiple frames of Korra and Asami kissing, holding hands, and coming out to their friends and family.

The overarching plot of Turf Wars is a conflict over the land upon which the new spirit portal sets. There is also conflict between rival Triad gangs, the Triple Threats and the Creeping Crystals, over turf in Republic City following the chaos of Kuvira's invasion. These two sets of turf wars overlap when a business tycoon hires the Triple Threats to secure the spirit portal for him by driving others off. The new Leader of the Triple Threats, Tokuga, is attacked by a spirit defending the portal, causing him to gain a dragon-like appearance and a new agenda-seizing control of all Republic City. In the midst of all this there is a refugee crisis, a presidential election, and Korra and Asami trying to navigate their new relationship once they return to the real world with all their responsibilities.

Notable plot points and character developments:

Korra and Asami canon is confirmed (repeatedly)-They come out to family and their friends

Business owner Wonyong Keum, who owns the land upon which the new portal sits, demands everyone vacate so he can turn it into a tourist attraction for profit-prompting Korra to enter the Avatar state to temporarily drive him away.

An unhappy spirit requests Korra closes the portal to prevent exploitation of the spirit world.

Bolin joins Mako as his rookie detective partner.

Zhu Li is running efforts to care for refugees who lost their homes during Kuvira’s attack and teams up with Asami to begin rebuilding homes for everyone displaced.

Tokuga is introduced as the leader of the Triple Threats, fighting for control of the streets with Jargala, the leader of the Creeping Crystals.

Kya reveals she is queer and gives us a history lesson on the context of LGBTQ+ history in the world.

Tokuga is attacked by the afore-mentioned spirit and his right arm and half his face become dragon-esque.

Raiko is a colossal idiot. He is way too focused on getting reelected and making his decisions based on what his campaign advisor suggests, rather than just, you know, governing his city. He calls the military to occupy the portal, prompting the Airbenders to peacefully protest.

Zhu Li runs against Raiko for the presidency. She rallies more protesters to protect the spirit portal while her husband films her for his newest project- a “docu-mover” which he presumably uses to influence the election.

Asami and Keum are kidnapped by Tokuga and forced to make a poison gas device bring the city under Tokuga’s control.

The Krew manages to save the day of course, thanks to Asami’s wit, Korra’s unstoppable stubbornness, and back-up from Bolin and Mako. Except Mako, bless him, says he’ll “take care of Tokuga”, and then promptly loses him.

Tokuga mysteriously disappears into the spirit world.

Zhu Li wins the presidency.

Korra and Asami share a lovely, romantic moment where they exchange their first “I love you”s at the conclusion of the comic.

Mako scenes

There is no Wu in the Turf Wars comics (Unless you count one line of dialogue where it is mentioned that the Earth Kingdom is sending supplies to help the refugee situation) - however, there is plenty of Mako! Mako’s primary role in this series is as a detective trying to find and stop the Triads from waging their turf war in the city.

Our first scenes with Mako shows him back to being a detective- and his brother is his partner. He doesn’t seem super thrilled to be working with Bolin, but I think it’s just because he knows how his brother is- not that he doesn’t want to spend time with him. They are trying to track down the new leader of the triple threats and control gang activity. Mako’s arm is still in a sling, he’s got his usual brooding grumpy facial expression, and his hair is spiky again! He and Bolin arrest two-toed Ping and try to interrogate him. Two-toed Ping is weirdly proud of Mako and Bolin for rising up from being “nobodies” to a couple of “bigtime cops”.

They catch up with Korra and Asami, and the four of them are alerted by Jinora that the Triple threats are attacking the Airbenders that were meditating at the portal. Asami gets hurt in the battle and she and Korra share a kiss in front of everyone:

Look at Opal’s sweet face. She looks like she’s barely containing her excitement and is maybe squealing a bit, and she’s looking directly at Bolin which I think is a sweet moment to show their relationship. Bolin calls dibs on the first double date.

Mako probably needs time to process the information....

Mako and Bolin do some detective work to try and find Tokuga. There is an interesting scene where they are questioning Scoochy (We saw him in the first season, he’s the kid that told Korra and Mako the Bolin went to do some work for the triple threats before getting captured by equalists) Bolin tells Mako they should do “good cop, bad cop”, with Bolin being the good cop. Mako gets annoyed, and Bolin asks if he’s grumpy because his exes are dating. Mako insists he’s cool with it- though he’s got a distressed look on his face. They catch up to Scoochy and Bolin actually loses his temper and is rather menacing. Mako pulls Bolin back and genuinely connects with Scoochy- relating to his past, pushing him to do the right thing and help others. I really liked this moment because it shows how much character growth he’s had when you compare the way he treated Kai in season 3. (They are ultimately unsuccessful and Scoochy’s tip leads them to a room rigged with explosives- but I don’t think Scoochy knew that, I think he was fed false info).

There’s another touching scene, after Asami is kidnapped, where Mako notices how upset Korra seems as everyone is trying to form a plan to stop Tokuga. He steps aside to check in and see how she’s feeling. He comforts her’ empathizes with her, and reassures her that they are going to find Asami. At this point he seems to have fully processed that they are together and seems to fully accept it and is very supportive. Not easy considering the awkward position he’s in as both their exes. In this scene, Mako also informs Korra that he can’t firebend with his injured arm.

Mako and Bolin helps Korra to find Asami by requesting help from Jargala- in spite of the fact that Chief Beifong told them not to… They show up for Korra and Asami even if it means risking their jobs. They team up and fight the bad guys together, just like the old days.

We see many examples of how bad the damage is from Mako’s injury in the Colossus. He can’t bend with his left arm, it’s in a sling almost the whole comic, and he really doesn’t seem to be at the top of his game. He told Bolin he would take care of catching Tokuga, but apparently couldn’t and lost him. Mako’s injury is pretty bad and it’s probably really frustrating.

At the end, Bolin decides to quit the force (surprise. The guy loves to hop from calling to calling!). He makes a big dramatic speech to Mako, talking about how it’s time they go their separate ways. Mako is like “Um I’m going to see you at home in like two hours”, so it sounds like they are living together.

What all this might mean for Wuko

So now I’m going to try to tie things back into how all this affects the potential of Wuko- whether that’s for headcanons or fics or whatever- and just try to give you an idea of what this comic means for Wuko shippers.

Wu is governing in the Earth Kingdom right now. It is mentioned by Zhu Li that the Earth Kingdom sent supplies, so one can assume Wu has taken his place on the throne and the Earth Kingdom is in a stable enough position to be sending supplies to aid another nation. Nothing is mentioned about efforts to transform the Earth Kingdom into a democratic nation (we’ll get to that in the Ruins of the Empire comics).

Mako’s primary relationships that are explored are with his brother and with Korra. His relationship with Bolin is just as it always is. He loves his brother even if he is a little exhausted by his upbeat, enthusiastic attitude. We build up on his final interaction with Korra from the animated series and continue to firmly establish them as friends and amicable exes. Interestingly, we don’t get any meaningful Mako and Asami interactions. When he is comforting Korra, he relates to her by remembering how worried he was when Korra was kidnapped by Amon. He doesn't try to say “Yeah I’m really worried about Asami too”, which, to me is bizarre because he and Asami are friends too, right? I don’t know if we should read too much into it though- most likely it was just a writing choice that we aren’t meant to psycho-analyze- but it could also mean he is being careful with his words so that Korra doesn’t wonder if he still has feelings for Asami. The love triangle is completely resolved and Mako is out of the picture romantically with either of them and has no lingering romantic feelings. In other words, he is 100% ready available for a relationship with someone else.

The scene where Kya gives us a history lesson establishes how LGBTQ+ people are viewed in the world of LoK. In short, Korra and Asami are fully supported by their friends and family, and even their enemies acknowledge their relationship without any homophobic tones. The closest we get to homophobia is Korra's father, who, after expressing his happiness at their relationship, warns Korra to be cautious going forward because not everyone will be as understanding. Kya gives us a quick lesson on how same-gender relationships are viewed across the nations: The water tribe, being a patriarchal culture, expects discretion. The Earth Kingdom is not particularly accepting-Kya says that Avatar Kyoshi was bisexual but couldn't affect "real change" and that the earth kingdom is the slowest to accept change and is also militarily repressive (full disclosure I have not read the Kyoshi comics, maybe there is additional insight in those?). And in the fire nation, Sozin made same-gender relationships illegal when he took power (I hope Zuko undid all that when he became Firelord). The air nation is the only one that seems truly accepting-Kya paints a picture of total acceptance and says that Aang was supportive when she herself came out. Korra is worried that maybe her father was right, but Asami points out that a lot has changed over the years and everyone seems accepting, especially in Republic City.

I think what we can take away from this as far as Wuko goes- is that in Republic City, same-gender relationships are not much of an issue, while in the Earth Kingdom it could be viewed negatively. One could make a case that Wu might have cause to be closeted, while Mako might not. (Feel free to reject this history canon and substitute your own. I’d just as soon say that no one in the avatar-verse cares if you aren’t cis or het).

In conclusion. Mako is just a guy trying very hard to be a good, supportive friend to his exes who are now dating each other. He loves them (platonically) he loves his brother, he’s kind and has matured a lot, but he still always has a grumpy look on his face so it’s time for him to move on and get together with Wu.

Well, that’s Turf Wars. I did cram the plot of three comic books into one post, so I certainly did not hit all the details. If you feel I missed something crucial, feel free to reblog with your own takes. Next I’ll discuss Ruins of the Empire, in which we get lots of Wu and potential Wuko moments, a sizable helping of angst and even some Wu & Korra friendship! RotE is a really fun comic trilogy and I’ll be breaking it down into multiple posts. Thanks for reading everyone!

Wuko In RotE part 1

Wuko in RotE part 2

#Wuko #Mako #Turf Wars #Lok #King Wu #Prince Wu

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pitiless-achilles-wept · 3 years

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Not dead yet!: Marking my 2-year anniversaries

On Sunday I marked my two-year “cancerversary” of my diagnosis and on Tuesday a member of the support group I co-founded (for young women who are stage 4) died. Like me, she had triple-negative breast cancer. Like me, she was diagnosed stage 4 two years ago. Like me, she had exhausted several types of treatment (because triple-negative is a beast) and was looking for the one that would work. She asked me about Saci (Sassy!) and proposed trying it to her doctor less than a week before she died. Nine days before she passed she joined our Sunday cancer yoga group from bed at the hospital to join our meditation exercises. Like me, she remained confident and positive and absolutely refused to give up hope. (Like me, she also wore her hair purple sometimes.)

There were many things that are unlike about us too. She had two teenage children who now don’t have their mother. She was twelve years older than me and had had Hodgkin’s before she had breast cancer--even worse luck than mine, to triumph over one cancer only to get this diagnosis. Unlike me, she wasn’t strong enough for Saci, the only targeted triple-negative line of treatment, because her body had reacted badly to immunotherapy. She was in the hospital for two weeks with somewhat mysterious symptoms all of which added up to her body shutting down. On Saturday she went home with her family in hospice care. 2 days later she was gone.

It’s not usual for things to go so fast. Typically, doctors, patients, and family members all have some advance warning and patients spend a solid amount of time in hospice care. I am sure that people will ask me why it went that way for her. I’m asking myself why too, since it is so shocking and so entirely unfair. The fact that it can happen that way at all is frightening to me as a fellow patient since it’s the scenario of nightmares. That really could someday be me. No one ever wants to think that--and I cannot live my life focused on it either--but it has to be acknowledged as a possibility.

[More below the cut about memories from 2 years ago today and hopes for the future. Also, an invitation to contribute to some writing if you want.]

Today, January 28th, is the 2-year anniversary of my stage 4 diagnosis. In a way, it feels more significant than my initial cancer news. I had four days being horrified, but thinking that I would get through this as a phase in my life. It would be terrible--I’d have a double mastectomy, scorched-earth chemo, radiation, anything to get rid of the cancer--but then it would be done. On the Monday following my first set of CT scans I learned that that was not true. My lungs were full of tumors. (Later, after lots of waiting, MRIs and biopsies, I'd find that my lymph nodes, spine, and liver were affected too. I still have tumors in all those locations, but no new ones.) I wrote a description of getting that news in an email to a friend over the summer, after I had read Anne Boyer’s "The Undying”:

“The worst part about the lung tumors for me was that my dad had gotten a very early flight and I learned the news while he was in the air. My mom told me we could not text or tell him on the phone, that he would need to be with us both. So I drove to Newark straight from the doctor's office. It was in the teens outside and windy as we slogged to the baggage area where we were to meet. I saw my dad in his warmest and ugliest puffy orange down jacket, looking small in it, forlorn and horribly vulnerable. I fell into his arms, thinking at least that airports were such horrible places, so impersonal and banal, that no one would look twice. 'It's in my lungs,' I said into his shoulder so that I would not have to see his face. I was crying into the jacket that somehow smelled of winter cold even though he had been inside for hours. 'Please, Daddy. Fix it, please.' I spoke like a child because, on some very deep level, I think I really did still believe that my father could fix anything. I was embarrassed, though, and so I tried to stem my tears as he put his big hand on the back of my head and said, 'Oh sweetie, we'll get through this. We will.' I knew that really he could do nothing--and that this was his nightmare of powerlessness--and so I sniffed and blinked and I did not let myself cry again until June.”

Two years later this moment seems as if it just happened. The impact of my diagnosis on everyone dear to me, and especially my parents, is one of the worst things about it for me. We all know that there’s only so much “better” I can get, with the current science, and we’re all playing for time while the research moves forward towards something better, something that would make this a treatable chronic condition. I go back and forth, emotionally, on how likely I think that is and how good my position is for the future. Right now, comparing myself to the group member who died, I feel relatively fortunate, even as chemo exhausts me, I lose every scrap of hair that was ever on my body, and I spend half of my days being almost unable to eat from nausea and loss of taste. I feel glad that I was able to get Saci, that my body has so far stood up to the ceaseless trials I have put it through, with four treatments and surgery (and full-time work and living alone etc. etc.). I feel strong, not scared, even as I feel the emotional toll of terrible loneliness from covid isolation, winter, and carrying a sick body through my days alone.

I do not love the “fight” metaphor because so much of having an illness is completely out of your control and I never want to take myself (or anyone else) to task for “losing.” And so instead I will praise my body for enduring. I will praise myself for my enduring also, in both an emotional and physical way. I checked back in on how I was feeling as this anniversary approached last year and was pleased to see how much better I feel about it now, partly as a function of being in a treatment that is (likely) keeping me stable rather than in the midst of choosing another new one. Here is what I wrote back to my group of friends in November 2019, the run up to the one-year mark:

“I’m feeling like I can’t plan and don’t want to celebrate, like I can’t perform “fine” for the people in my life to spare them from the pain I’m causing by not doing better and feeling horrible about it. Perhaps it would help if I let them know that they didn’t need to perform “fine” for me? I understand the desire to protect me from the obligation to take care of them and appreciate it. But sometimes it can feel like I’m the only one experiencing anger or grief or pain, though I know I’m not. Feeling so isolated in my emotional response provides no catharsis for it. Compassion and sympathy function on the notion of “fellow feeling.” If you’re just out here, feeling by yourself, you can’t expect any comfort. As always, I think of the moment in the Iliad when Priam and Achilles cry together over dead Hector. Grief (and you can grieve for many things aside from a death) is something explicitly to be shared.” So I guess I’ve shared it here. I can do that. And I can do another thing, which is to tell you I love you. People don’t really say it enough and reserve it too entirely for romantic contexts. It’s weird--it’s not like we are wartime rationing love! And every time anyone says it to me it helps. It’s an affirmation that I am integral in some way to people’s lives which, in a society that so greatly valorizes marriage/partnership and children, is something I can be in doubt about.”

There are some things I like here, though, and that I would now like to reiterate and invite you, my far-flung friends, to do for my 2-year milestone. Never has the notion of “fellow feeling” in times of grief and depression hit harder or been more important than during covid. In a way, the nation (or even world) was forced into much the same position, emotionally and practically, that my cancer put me in. People are isolated, unable to perform “fine” and wondering if other people feel the same way, or even if any of us can take care of each other at all. I am here to tell you that you can. Maybe not immediately but--sooner than you think--you can. Emotional reserves may be low but reaching out to support someone else can actually replenish them. You do not have to feel alone, or to feel, alone.

And for me, for this milestone and for the cancer-related depression that I certainly do have, I’d like to invite you to help me, so that I can do the same for you. I invite you to write something about how this milestone feels for you (either about me or not), how it relates to all the other insane things going on in the world or with you (not about me at all), how you felt on the original day when I shared my stage 4 diagnosis (definitely about me)--really anything that is on your mind or in your heart.

“Oh great,” you may think, “the English PhD has asked us to do homework!”. But no! It's up to you what you do. Write in whatever form you want, however long, even anonymously. And if you do I will write you back! Not with grades or comments, but with something to connect to what you shared. It is a way to create fellow-feeling; to open up, connect, heal. With me, yes, but also as the group of extraordinary people who have gone with me so far on this hard road. It’s a very different proposition to support someone through time-limited treatment with a good outcome than it is to sign on for whatever comes next. You are all, truly, pretty extraordinary.

Anyone who wants to send a note or reflection can email me or drop a file or post in this Google drive folder. Like I said, feel free to share whatever and do it anonymously if you’d rather. You can also askbox me here (better than DMS) or submit a post to this blog. (I'm taking a chance with open DMs for now...we'll see if that needs to change.)

I am grateful for all of you every day, but especially today.

Love, Bex

p.s. The title of this post refers to the cinematic classic "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," a film my high school self and friends loved. They, along with other wonderful folks. gave me a "cancerversary" cake with "Not dead yet, motherfucker!" on it this Sunday. p.p.s. The average life expectancy for people who get this diagnosis is 18 months to 3 years. Hitting 5 years would be extraordinary. Starting Year 3 is a huge deal and I have every intention of being extraordinary. (Never been average at anything in my life...I either succeed spectacularly or fail epically!)

#my life as a cancer patient #cancerversary #stage 4 #mbc #metastatic breast cancer #personal #memories #bex writes #writing invitation #quarantine life

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centaur-astrology · 3 years

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Ceres: Asteroid Goddess, the “Mother”

Ceres is one of the few feminine planets in Astrology- and, yes, she is now a dwarf planet (like Pluto, her brother). Ceres (Demeter in Greek), Juno (Hera), Vesta (Hestia) and Pallas-Athena (Athena) are the 4 major asteroid Goddesses talked about by Demetra George & Douglas Bloch in their fantastic book, Asteroid Goddesses, and have been the main four asteroids that I use with clients.

But the question is: what can she tell us in our charts?

For the answer, we have to go back in to the Greek/Roman myth:

Ceres, or Demeter, was the mother of Persephone. Her daughter was everything to her. On her own, Demeter was a major player and powerful figure in the Olympic Pantheon- she was a daughter of Kronos, sister to Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. She ruled grain, food that grows from the earth. In essence, she ruled how we nourish ourselves.

But she had this fatal flaw- that of overly identifying with her role as mother. Regardless of how Persephone left (was it abduction, or was it just her growing up?), we see this identity crisis arise. When Persephone is taken, Demeter is plunged in to the depths of rage and grief. She stops all crops from growing, causing the first ever winter for humans. She doesn’t care about anything- only getting her daughter back. So she decides to cloak herself, disguised as an old mortal woman, and finds herself the nanny to a human babe. She nurtures this baby, and decides to turn him immortal by giving him ambrosia and passing him over flames- but, sadly, the true parents witness her putting their baby in to the fire and end the ceremony.

She does, eventually, get Persephone back, but this is a key point of Demeter/Ceres’ part of the myth: her daughter has gone, and she finds herself at odds with her identity as “Mother” (for without a child, how can she be a mother?), so she goes and finds a new baby.

The ego-identity needed to replace a child.

And, so, Ceres’ question becomes: is this nourishing, or is it an addiction?

How does this play out in our charts?

From Demetra George & Douglas Bloch’s Book Asteroid Goddesses (*reformatted for Tumblr)

“Ceres -

Feminine Function: creating, supporting, sustaining physical progeny, physical nurturing -- food

Woman’s Stereotype: “Mom” at home cooking in the kitchen, cleaning the house, nursing the family, living for and through children

Alternative Modes of Expression for Women and Men: teachers and educators of children, children’s services, issues of pro-choice/pro-life, midwifery and humane childbirth, farming, gardening, food-related services, nutrition, health awareness, single parenting as a conscious choice, world hunger & relief organizations, death, dying, hospice work

Especially for Men...: increased participation in childbirth/child rearing... developing attitudes of compassion/acceptance/empathy”

---

There is a necessary loss with Ceres, and through her we have the choice to seek something that fulfills us, or to replace what we’ve lost with more of the same.

1st House/Aries

Addicted to/Distracting self by: constant new experiences; focus on outward appearance; overly identifying as a nurturer or parent; needing to be nurtured by your partner or friends but choosing to ignore this in order to be independent.

Change this to nourishment: contemplate how experiences have affected you and formed your identity; do activities and actions for your own enjoyment, not because you ‘should’; ask for help when needed, and allow others to care for you.

2nd House/Taurus

Addicted to/Distracting self by: surface level value, focus on income, depending on others to pay for them, high level of materialism, needing nice things to be secure, focusing on the physical side (rather than emotional) of relationships

Change this to nourishment: think on your true core values, what do you really want versus what do you think you want; slow, intimate sex; basic necessities and living below means; helping with income; spending time directly in relation to your core values (ie: time outside, time volunteering, time with family, time gardening, etc.)

3rd house/Gemini

Addicted to/Distracting self by: media, information, gossip, data, social media, not digesting information

Change this to nourishment: writing ideas down, processing dreams, singing and using your voice, chanting, crafting or using your hands, figuring out what certain information means to you, and what is important to remember, forget, or research further

4th house/Cancer

Addicted to/Distracting self by: needing other’s affection, crying out for attention, lashing out at parents/children, falling ill (hypochondria) or seeking out those who need you to ‘nurse’ them, over-eating when emotional, over-idealization of and association with the role of “mother”

Change this to nourishment: consider your feelings rather than pushing them down or letting them control you; journal; surround yourself with nourishing snacks that you enjoy; supporting the “mothers” in your life; taking time for yourself to relax; making your home environment comfortable and positive; feeding your friends and family, and allowing them to feed you

5th house/Leo

Addicted to/Distracting self by: self-centered creating; making art for approval; not pursuing artistic endeavors (causing lack of confidence), too-strong association with being a ‘child at heart’- and needing others to care for you; not allowing yourself to play, or only playing

Change this to nourishment: being encouraging to other creators; making an atmosphere of positivity and encouragement; allowing yourself time alone to create art (music, textile, culinary, illustration, clay, etc.); making art just for yourself and not for approval; spending time as a teacher or playing with children, or taking time to release your inner child

6th house/Virgo

Addicted to/Distracting self by: service, work, perfectionism, putting others before yourself, trying to make everyone else happy, too much pressure on yourself, over-analyzing

Change this to nourishment: daily practice of meditation, time to relax, massage, slow meals, allow yourself mistakes, laughter as medicine

7th house/Libra

Addicted to/Distracting self by: selflessness, identity in the other, fear of conflict; putting other’s views of self above own view of self; too much focus on cooperation to the detriment of self

Change this to nourishment: conflict in healthy, calm settings; speaking your mind and standing up for self while allowing for dialogue and compromise; experiencing “unconditional love”- which means you feel safe to say when you are unhappy, or need a change; taking time to do activities alone, but also doing activities with your friends/partner

8th house/Scorpio

Addicted to/Distracting self by: deep and intense emotions of jealousy, rage, envy, and anger; drama; shock-value; self-imposed isolation; seething in resentments and injustices; random sex or forced celibacy

Change this to nourishment: physical movement, like dance; writing down feelings; opening up to those around you to allow for trust and dialogue; examining negative cycles and feelings of betrayal to turn them in to positive growth; volunteer with hospice or with the sick/elderly/dying

9th house/Sagittarius

Addicted to/Distracting self by: strict dogma; forcing your ideas on others; joining a religious or philosophical group; being an ‘authority’ in a religious or academic setting; nihilism; travel without growth (think: vacations, travel for instagram photos)

Change this to nourishment: considering all points of view; being open to and studying many ideas; having friends around of many perspectives and faiths; choosing to be open rather than rigidly following one idea; allowing yourself grace to change your mind, or admit you were wrong, or to explore a taboo topic like the occult

10th house/Capricorn

Addicted to/Distracting self by: setting aside own needs for everyone else; taking on responsibilities despite self; needing everything to be ordered; ignoring moon needs emotions; working hard for other’s respect; feeling the need to achieve constantly

Change this to nourishment: change to an inner respect and foundation; working from enjoyment, not duty (or, if not for enjoyment, working for a fair wage and reasonable hours); taking time to access feelings; meditation and journaling; allowing relaxation time with baths or massage; take time and be proud of projects, but know worth doesn’t come from achievement

11th house/Aquarius

Addicted to/Distracting self by: joining a group just to feel like you belong to something; wallowing in self-pity or other self-focused emotions; trying hard to be different for the sake of being different (perhaps because of feeling rejected?)

Change this to nourishment: change this to knowing yourself as an individual, and the groups will come; take time to explore yourself and who you are, what is important to you, and what you like; be authentic and unashamed; support others and be kind

12th house/Pisces

Addicted to/Distracting self by: sacrifice, martyrdom, escapism, TV, poetry, imagination, fantasy

Change this to nourishment: connection to self, service not servant, meditation, daily practice/skill building, dance (something you can lose yourself in and then later reflect on it).

---

The source of the preceeding information is from my observations, from the book Asteroid Goddesses, sited above, and also from a Ceres seminar by Laura Nalbandian.

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forever-rogue · 4 years

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Step Into the Daylight - Part 6

Summary: While fighting for your own survival, you somehow ended up in the care of one stoic Mandalorian…and his adopted child. Lately there’s just been one questions consuming your every thought. And Din was about to help you get some answered.

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the all love and support on all the parts of this series, it was seriously overwhelming and amazing, and I hope you continue to enjoy this little series. Sorry it’s been such a long wait for this chapter, but I hope you enjoy!Taglists are open, and as always feedback is welcome! xx

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin x Reader)

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: none

Main Masterlist

Mandalorian Masterlist

SERIES MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Be with me," the only sounds emanating through the lush green forest were the sounds of the gently rustling wind and creatures scurrying through along the soft leave laden floor. That and your quiet words, repeated over and over, barely audible to even your own words, "be with me."

After remaining completely still for some time longer, you groaned before flopping onto your back and staring at the clouds scattered throughout afternoon sky. You'd been out here by yourself for hours, trying to meditate but finding it impossible. Much was on your mind, and no matter how much you tried to clear it, nothing seemed to work.

Only when a few set of quiet beeps met your ears did you open your eyes to find your droid friend staring at you.

"I know," you said and sat up, reaching your and giving the droid's round head an affectionate pat. He beeped a few more times and you shrugged, letting out a long sigh, "I can't seem to focus no matter what I do. Maybe I need a repair just like you did, huh?"

Jumping to your feet, you brushed off stray leaves and dirt from your pants. You decided to head back to your small little homestead and call it a day. You might as well call it a day before getting more annoyed and frustrated; at that rate you'd never meditate properly. Looking at the small droid, you gestured got him to follow. He eagerly did so with a series of excited chirps.

You'd found him shortly after your arrival on the strange, abandoned planet, left to decay and rejoin the earth. Something about him had drawn you to the forgotten droid, a feeling in the force that you couldn't deny. So you'd spent long days, which turned into even longer weeks, preparing him, getting him back into as pristine a condition as possible with the resources you had brought and been able to procure.

As soon as he came back to life, for the first time in several decades, he eagerly thanked you and told you his name, PC-S3, which you sweetly decided should be PC. You'd encountered droids throughout your time as a servant, but you never bonded with one like you did with PC. It was instant and strong, and despite being a droid and speaking in a series of beeps, bloops, and chirps, he always seemed oddly human.

He'd told you all about his previous owner; he'd been a Jedi, forced to him leave him behind when the clones had turned. PC had been excited when he realized who you were, even you constantly reminded him that you were no Jedi, that there were none left, and you were merely trying to hone whatever power you possessed. He didn’t mind though, and had quickly decided that you were his new master, but you had insisted you were his friend and nothing more. PC was your constant and only companion, and you were thankful for him, or else you didn’t know if you could have handled the isolation and loneliness.

After you’d met with Jeele Tarkar, she spent grueling long grueling weeks training you in the basics of working with the force. You’d almost laughed at her when she said it would take a long time for you to grasp anything; you were a natural with most things and a quick learner, surely this type of thing wasn’t going to be that bad, right? But you had been wrong, oh so wrong. You had been pushed, both mentally and physically to your limits, spending long days with Jeele before returning to the Razor Crest, were Din was usually waiting for you, dinner ready for you and the Child, who was always eager to see you.

But you wouldn’t quit, you refused to quit, and you spent each and every day going back and trying to learn as much as possible. Jeele had so many things to each you, so many stories to tell, and despite how much it all wore you out, you experienced an odd sense of comfort. It was a feeling of belonging, a feeling of home, even though you’d never really had that. You hoped that this was how your brother felt all the time, that he got to feel all the love and warmness that you were feeling. If you were getting all of that from one person, you couldn’t even imagine how it much have felt during the golden age of the Jedi. It created a sense of yearning within you, for something you’d never had and something you never would.

Just once you felt like you were getting the hang of the things, that you were starting to feel your connection to the force, Jeele had turned your world upside. That seemed to be happening a lot lately, becoming a common theme in your life. You had your Mandalorian to thank for that. You didn’t know what you’d do without him, and despite your blossoming feelings for him, he was your friend first and foremost, and you didn’t take that for granted.

“What do you mean I need to leave?” you asked, your heart rate soaring and voice climbing an octave as you stared at your mentor, “I-I can’t just leave. Not now-”

“You must,” she insisted firmly, and you were nervous to challenge her. Although she was older, and small in size and stature, she was intimidating, and you didn’t really want to challenge her. You had no doubt that when she was a Jedi Master people revered her and bent to her will, “and you will. It is a rite of passage - every Jedi has completed this training. It is your turn now.”

“How am I to train when there are no Jedi left? What’s the point even?” you groaned slightly and rest your head in your hands. You were reluctant to leave, knowing it would eat your heart up to leave the peaceful planet behind and face whatever you needed to. You had an inking that somehow Din and the Child weren’t involved in this venture.

“You must,” she repeated, signaling that it was not up for discussion, “you will go and you will train and walk the path of the Jedi before you. You will learn and hone your skills.”

“But-”

“No,” she held up her hand and signaled the end of the conversation, “you’re going and that is final. There you will be tested, and you will learn what you need to know.”

“Yes, master,” you bowed your head, the singular question on your mind playing on your lips. You wanted to ask, you desperately did, but you didn’t know how. She started to walk away when you seemed to find your voice, “master-”

“They cannot come with you,” she answered, her voice adopting a soft tone, confirming what you already knew. You nodded and tried to hold back your tears, wishing there was something you could do, or somehow change her mind. But you understood; this was something you needed to do on your own, and on top of that you had always know that Jedi were not allowed to have romantic attachments.

Not that you’d call what you shared with Din romantic. It was a friendship; an odd and unconventional one albeit, but just that, just friends. The Child? He’d become something of an adopted son to you and Din, but neither of you felt the need to be a label on it. It just was.

“I will see you in the morning and we will begin our journey,” she didn’t say anything else before closing to the door to her small hut, the one who you’d spend so much time in lately. It had become a familiar place, a comfortable routine and once again it was going to be ripped away from you. But it was for a good cause, you had to remind yourself. It was for something greater than yourself.

But when you returned to the Crest, you found Din humming under his breath as he moved about the kitchen, chopping ingredients for dinner. It was a sight you never seemed to grow used to, and it always sent a surge of warmth through your bones. That pang you experienced in your heart whenever you saw Din never ebbed, and while you had thought about sharing that with him, you never did. Something always stopped you - the time wasn’t right, not yet anyway.

“What’s wrong?” Din turned around and asked as soon as you had entered the kitchen, tossing your cloak over the back of the chair that you normally occupied. How he had immediately known that was something wrong was beyond you; but then again, his senses were so honed, trained after years to sense any kind of discrepancy and irregularity. You shook your head silently before sliding into the chair with a light thud, reaching over and petting the Child’s soft, fuzzed covered ears, “Y/N?”

“I...” your voice started cracking as soon as the single syllable left your mouth, a stinging forming at the back of your eyes. Oh boy; you had it bad for your little family. Before you’d found them, or rather Din had rescued you, you would have had no problem just leaving and never seeing them again. But now? It was all different, and you really, really, didn’t want to leave them. Not again.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he came over and bent down so he was he met your eye level. Hesitating for just a moment, he reached over and put his hand under your chain and turned your face towards him. You stiffened for a moment at the touch, but quickly melted into it. You knew, despite the helmet, that his eyes were solely focused on you, “what happened?”

“I have to leave,” a single tear ran down your cheek and before you could even brush it away, Din gently wiped it with thumb, ever so gently. You gave him a small, strained smile as he waited for you to go on, “Jeele said I have to.”

“Then you must,” you were surprised that he didn’t follow up with a recitation of his favorite Mandalorian Creed - this is the way. You teased him endlessly over it at times, but it was always in good fun. You knew how much it meant to him; if it was important to him, it was important to you.

“What if I don’t want to?” you asked softly, wondering if you could detect why you were so hesitant to go. You’d walked away from him once before, and it taken a long time to get over it. You highly doubted it would be any easier this time around, “what if I just stay?”

“We both know that’s not an option,” there was a light breathy crackle that emanated from his modulator. He was trying to reassure you that everything would be alright, even though he was reluctant to see you go, once again, “you have to do this.”

“I’ll never even be a proper Jedi,” you pushed back meekly, “there’s no point to all of this formality.”

“Look at all of the work you’ve already put in,” he reminded you gently, trying his best to put a smile back on your face, “you’ve come this far, and you should see it through. Do this the right way.”

“Even-”

“Even if you’re the last one to do so,” he finished for you. Gnawing on your lower lip, you closed your eyes and nodded, trying not to lose it altogether. He wasn’t making it any easier to leave, “it’ll be okay. For however long you need to be gone, you’ll do it. You can do this - you’ve been through so much. This? It’ll be like nothing compared to that. Did Jeele say where you’re going?”

“No,” you put your hand on his wrist, a common thing the two of you did that had turned into a small but intimate gesture, “and she didn’t say where either.”

“How very much like the Jedi,” he mused as the two of you laughed lightly.

“How very much like the Mandalorians,” you quipped as he nodded in response. His people were just as secretive and quiet as the Jedi had been.

A few quiet moments passed, comfortable and peaceful, before he gently rested his forehead against yours, the metal of his helmet cool against your skin. You relished in the tender moment, trying to memorize and capture it forever. Who knew when the next time you would get to do this was? It was a proper Mandalorian kiss; something you’d always known about, something that was sacred to his people. Now it was sacred to you.

Maybe you could tell him now?

But just as you opened your mouth, a scuffling reached your ears, followed by a few small coos. Startled, you pulled back from Din and found the Child sitting on the table and watching you both with wide eyes. He was such a mischievous little thing, growing more bold and daring every day, just like any child would do. You pulled back from Din, and reached to grab the small, robed bundle, clutching him tightly in your arms. He let out a tiny sound of content as he snuggled into your shoulder, almost as if he knew what was going. Kriff, he probably did.

“I’ll miss you,” you told him, giving him a weak smile, “but I promise that I’ll be back. I’ll always come back to you.”

He seemed to nod at your words, as if he knew exactly what you were saying. His little hand moved to the inside of his robe and he slowly pulled out a black cord, on which there was a silver pendant. You’d seen it before, several times, and you instantly recognized it - it belonged to Din, the pendant of the Mythosaur. He grasped it and reached for your own hand, depositing it into your palm when you offered it to him.

“This is yours,” you looked between him and Din, who was watching everything intently, unsure of what to do. Did you give it back to Din? Make the Child keep it? The little one seemed to insist that you keep it, pushing it closer and closer to you with as much force as he could muster. Enclosing your first around it, you moved to hand it back to Din, who held up his hand and shook his head, “but-”

“It’s yours now,” he said softly, and you couldn’t help but wonder if there was a soft smile on his face, just as you liked it imagine. After all this time, you had created this mental image of him and you wondered how spot on you were. Maybe, just maybe, one day you’d find out, should you ever get that privilege. And if you never did? Well, that was fine too, because you’d still gotten the privilege of knowing him and being his friend.

“I thought...” you trailed off, studying the aged silver, fingers delicately brushing over the intricate design, “this is sacred to your people. Surely, you must want this back.”

“It is,” he agreed, “but family is also sacred. Keep it.”

“Din-”

He didn’t say anything else, instead he took the necklace from your hand, and gestured for you to move forward. You obliged, a small lump forming in your throat as he placed the necklace around your neck and tied the cord tightly to make sure the necklace wouldn’t fall off. When he was done, he gave the pendant a soft touch, and you were almost in tears. You grabbed his hand and give it a firm squeeze as the Child looked happily between the two of you, “thank you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” he insisted, his own voice thick with emotion, “you’re aliit.”

“Aliit?”

“Family,” his voice was so low you almost didn’t hear him, “family.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

PC watched as you stoked the small fire you had built. It was a beautiful day, and you decided to take advantage of it. Despite being the only human inhabitant of the small forest planet, you never felt alone. It was probably due to the fact that you there were creatures all around you and that PC was almost human in his own way. If he were a person you knew you’d get along just as much as you did now. There was also the ever present humming of the force around you; it wasn’t a tangible or audible thing, but you could feel it all around, humming deep within you as well.

Months ago, before all of this had started and you learned to tap into your abilities, you would have never felt all of this. Now, it was like a warm, welcoming embrace. You understood why the Jedi that came before you came here to train and practice.

Despite being here, alone, for nearing six months, you still had moments when you missed your aliit. You wondered if he ever thought of you, or if the Child would remember you. Deep down you knew that they would, but it still scared you that they possibly wouldn’t. Not a day passed when you didn’t think of them. Initially, when Jeele had taken you to this lonely place, you figured she would stay with you, but to your surprise she’d left too.

“What?!” you almost shouted, your voice carrying throughout the expanse of trees and causing some of the birds to flutter away. Your chest rose and fell rapidly as you slowly realized what this meant. You’d be alone, utterly by yourself, just like you had been when you were hiding out and moving from place to place. You used to savor the freedom of being alone and getting to do whatever you wanted, but no? It seemed more like a prison sentence than anything else, “y-you can’t leave...”

“I must,” Jeele had insisted that soft, commanding tone. You shook your head at her, holding onto the vain hope that you would convince her to stay. But she’d clearly made up her mind already, “this is the way for you to learn. We all must go through this process.”

“How am I to learn if there is no one here to teach me?” you reached for her arm as the diminutive woman started heading back to the small ship she had procured to bring you here. She stopped and gave you a small, knowing smile. Just when you thought you were getting to know her, to know that what she was all about, she surprised you.

“You do not need me here,” she promised, reaching into the small satchel at her side. She dug around it and after a few tense moments, slowly pulled out a long cylindrical piece of metal. She grabbed one of your hands and placed the cool, heavy object into it, silent as she watched you examine it. It was clearly loved and had intricate details carved it into, “this belonged to me once. For now, it is yours. Until you are ready.”

“Ready?” you asked as studied the object.

“It’s a lightsaber,” she explained as your eyes light up. You’d never seen one in person before, only having heard of them, and knew that your brother had gotten to wield one at some point, “the weapon of choice of the Jedi. It is a right of passage to build your own. I built this one many years ago, when I was barely a child. It has served me well over the years. Now it will serve you. Until you’re ready.”

“Ready for what?” you asked as you firmly grasped it, giving it a few test swings. Whatever you did caused it ignite, and a long beam of pale orange light emitted from the hilt. It buzzed and hummed magnificently after all these years, and you stared at it in wonder. It was beautiful and enchanting.

“Until you’re ready,” she repeated, and you sighed lightly. Part of you was getting annoyed with all the mystery that shrouded her words, but you weren’t going to question her anymore. She wouldn’t betray you, or do anything to harm you, you knew that.

“How long will I be here?” you asked, trailing after, taking care not to hit yourself with the saber, “how will I know when I’m ready?”

“You’ll know,” she promised, giving you a sly smile which didn’t reassure you in the slightest, “our paths will cross again, young one. When the time is right and you are ready.”

You watched her go, disappearing into the ship without so much as another word or look. You disengaged the saber, and it suddenly felt like a huge weight in your hand. A few silent tears had streamed down your face as you came to the conclusion that once again, you were alone, very, very alone in the vast expanse of the galaxy.

But you’d quickly come around and decided that instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you’d try and learn as much as you could. If those that came before you could do it, so could you. You could do this, it seemed like the hum of the force on the planet was telling you the same thing. You would be okay.

It wasn’t long before you found the old ruins of the left over temple and found PC. After that things just seemed to...fall into place. It was as if everything was alive and interacting with you, and sure enough, Jeele had been right. You were learning from the planet, and the force that surrounded you. It all came naturally, and it was as if the spirits of all the other Jedi were all around you, guiding you, showing you the way. The planet quickly became home, and you enjoyed your stay, even though the yearning in your heart was ever present.

PC beeped at you before gently nudging your foot. You looked down at him and smiled; you’d been so lost in thought that you hadn’t noticed you’d just been staring into the fire, fingers wrapped tightly around the Mythosaur pendant around your neck. You’d never taken it off since Din had put it on for you.

“I know,” you told him, stretching out your legs, followed by a long, soft sigh, “my friend gave this to me, before I came here. I think you’d like him. I think he’d like you. Maybe one day you can meet him.”

He beeped and you nodded in agreement, “I don’t know when that day will be. Maybe I’ll never be ready...maybe it’ll just be you and I here together.”

A few more high pitched and rapid chirps met your ears, causing you to laugh as you got down and hugged him, “no. I’m never leaving you, don’t worry. We’ll get out of here, together, one day. I promise.”

But just before he could make any sort of sassy remark, as he was keen to doing, a crunch of sticks and leaves met yours ears. It was quiet, almost silent even, but you didn’t miss a single thing these days. And it wasn’t an animal or creature that inhabited the forest; no, you’d grown accustomed to all of those sounds. You exchanged a nervous look with PC before automatically reaching to your side and grabbing the saber that had become yours.

Standing up to your full height, you swallowed the nervous lump in your throat as you starting walked towards the sound. PC took the liberty of attempting to defend you, rolling out in front of you and beeping loudly.

“PC!” you shouted as you tried to keep up with him, finding that he moved quite quickly, faster than your legs carried you. It was quiet for a few moments as you listened for him, but your search was interrupted when you heard a few blaster shots in the dark forest. Your heart thumped wildly as you realized you were no longer alone, “kriff!I”

You followed the sound of the blasts and quickly came into the clearing where you spotted PC tried his best to get the intruder, “leave him alone!”

Sprinting to shield the little droid from the attacker, you lit up the saber and helped it out in front of you to deflect any further shots, “if you want to mess with him, you go through me first!”

There was a momentary pause while you waited for a response, the saber still humming as you kept it at the ready. PC beeped a few times before a modulated voice quietly asked, “Y/N?”

You knew you that voice. You dreamed of that voice. There wasn’t a single that you didn’t think of its owner. You held up the saber to cast its glow as a flashlight, trying to study the intruder. Your heart nearly dropped into your stomach when you realized it was, “Din?”

You dropped the saber in excitement, letting it thud next to PC who quickly scooped it up for you. It took only a few seconds before you had crossed the clearing and nearly tackled Din, surprising him with the manifestation of excitement. He dropped this blaster as he picked you up, wrapping his arms tightly around you as you tried to remember how to breathe. Surely this had to be a dream? He couldn’t be here, he couldn’t have found you in this isolated wilderness, right?

“It’s really you,” you asked as he set you down, and put your hands on his armor, checking to make sure it was real and he was there. PC rolled against you leg as he looked at you and held up the saber. Grabbing it, you slipped it into your belt loop, thanking him, “wait - were you going to shoot my droid?”

“Since when do you have a droid?” he asked quizzically as he gave your companion a hesitant glance. It was weird - you’d never seen him act like that around anything or anyone before.

“Since I’ve been here,” you explained, giving PC a pat, “I rebuilt him. He was left behind here, but he’s been my friend. You can’t just go around shoot at him all willy nilly!”

“No droids,” he slowly, tensing up as PC rolled closer to him, “I don’t like droids.”

“Oh?” you didn’t think anything managed to scare him...but droids apparently did, “is there a reason?”

“That’s for another time,” he promised quietly, “but he’s...does he like me?”

PC beeped a few times as he looked between the two of you. You nodded at him, “yes, PC, this is him. I know...but he’s a good friend. No, he’s family, just like you. Aliit.”

“H-he knows about me?” Din asked softly as you nodded, and as you did, his eyes fell on the pendant still around your neck. His heart, and cheeks, warmed when he realized you’d never taken if off.

“Of course,” you answered, “he knows all about you. I promised him that he’s get to meet you one day and that he’d like you. And, no offense to you PC, there hasn’t exactly been anyone else around to talk to.”

“I’ve missed you,” he said suddenly, unable to hold the words back any longer. He had missed you, desperately. The way that your nose crinkled when you laughed, the way your hair smelled, the sound of your voice, everything.

“I’ve missed you too,” you admitted, biting on your bottom lip, “I didn’t know when I’d see you again. But I knew I would, I knew we’d meet again.”

“We always will,” he promised. He hesitated for just a moment before pulling one of his gloves off and holding up his hand toward you, his palm facing you. You held back the tears as you held up your hand to his, palms touching softly. You marveled at how much bigger his hand was, but more so at the warmth that spread throughout you. It was a sign of intimacy, and reverence.

“How...how did you find me?” you asked softly, brushing your fingertips along his.

“Jeele,” he said as he watched your hands in amazement, “she said you-”

“Are ready,” the sound of her voice startled you and you pulled away from Din, snapping your head in her direction. She looked the same as ever as she strode over to you. She watched you for a moment before reaching for the saber at your side and taking back into her hands, “you’ve done well, young one.”

“I’m ready?” you repeated and she nodded in response. Back to the mystery of it all, “just what exactly am I ready for? I’ve been here for months on my own, learning, and training, and trying to learn as much as I can. You just abandoned me here-”

“But you learned.”

“What?”

“You’ve learned,” she reiterated, “you’ve studied the ways of the ones before. This wasn’t all for nothing.”

“I don’t...”

“It’s time for the next part of your journey,” she started heading towards the small homestead at which you had made your home, not bothering to ask or wait for you and Din to follow. Of course, she probably knew everything that had happened to you in the months since you had been alone. She probably felt it through the force.

You followed after her, Din and PC at your heels, “wait! What’s the next part? What do I have to do now?”

“You’re going to Ilum.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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flyingkiki · 4 years

Text

Curiosity, Chapter 8

Well, this got interesting. *looks around nervously*

“Mary Johnson, 46, born in Steel City, her family moved to Gotham when she was seven. Her father, Chester Johnson, was a real estate agent who was reassigned to Gotham. He died of cancer when she was 12. Her mother, Francine, eventually remarried a couple of years later to a guy name Carl Tomson. The three of them lived a pretty straightforward life. Mary has been in Gotham ever since, never moved once. She’s a veterinarian, owns a local practice in downtown Gotham and has zero bad reviews on Yelp. She likes animals, enjoys spending her weekends at the park, catching the latest movies at the cinema, and bowling,” Tim paused as he looked at the Batcomputer. Throwing both Raven and Bruce a wry grin he shrugged. “I pulled the last bit out of her Tinder profile.”

Raven crossed her arms and cocked her head to the right, and gave Tim an amused look. Bruce made a dismissive sound at the back of his throat. Switching her gaze to the smiling middle aged woman with ash-blonde hair, green eyes and horn-rimmed glasses, Raven found it hard to believe that this woman was a die-hard follower of the Church of Trigon. She looked more like a mother from a Sunday school.

“Apparently, aside from her interests in animal care and parks, Mary seemed to have a keen interest in the occult. In her junior year of college, she heard of a cult that was gaining popularity among the underground scene in Gotham. Long story short, Mary met Brother Blood, joined the church, and helped him grow the church, and prepared whatever it took to summon Trigon onto earth,”

Raven frowned and stared at the pictures of police reports that appeared on the Batcomputer. “How come she was never caught? We never saw her when the Titans took down Brother Blood,”

Tim’s brows furrowed a bit and his blue eyes swept over the huge screen in front of them. “She somehow escaped capture when the Titans took down the church. When all records were in custody, there was no record of a Mary Johnson anywhere in the church,” Tim replied. He pressed a few more keys on the computer. “Just a Lilith Morningstar.”

“Of course,” Raven pushed herself away from the railing she was leaning against with a loud huff of annoyance. Folding her arms across her chest, she walked up to the computer and looked at the grainy image of a middle aged woman dressed in a black robe looking at something off camera. Leave it to the fanatics to take on aliases related to Satan. “Wife of Lucifer,”

“She used Lilith as her alias all throughout her time with the Church of Trigon,” Bruce said. “Explains why there is no trace of her.”

Tim nodded. Typing on the computer, he pulled up pictures of Mary – Lilith – from different locations throughout Gotham and with varying timestamps throughout the span of 20 years. “I’ve run a face recognition scan through the city’s CCTV network. She’s been frequenting a couple of old bookstores and underground locations that are more popular among occultists,” explained Tim.

Raven stared at the multiple reports and images blown up on screen. She turned to Tim with a surprised look on her face. She knew that Tim was an excellent detective, but she did not know that he was that good. Didn’t he say earlier that he was up at three in the morning? “You pulled up all of this information at three in the morning? How are you even awake?”

Tim waved his coffee mug at her and grinned as he heard Raven snort softly at him. “Sleep is for the weak,”

Bruce frowned, ignoring the banter and keeping his eyes focused on the screen. “Do we know why she is trying to recreate Trigon’s summoning?”

“From what we gathered she wants to finish what Brother Blood has started,” said Raven. “The church promises that Trigon will purge the world and offer them sanctuary. His followers will live in his cleansed world with everlasting life.” She frowned and folded her arms tighter over her chest. “Or so the promise goes,”

“This is the warehouse district Frank mentioned,” said Tim as he pulled up an image of an old rundown warehouse. “I’ve been tracking movements within the district and within the last 48 hours, there’s been only one person who entered one of these warehouses,”

They watched as hooded person appeared of screen and walked up to one of the old warehouses. The figure opened one of the old rusty doors and slipped through them. “Whoever that was stayed there for a 68 minutes before leaving again but this time they got a companion heading out,” Tim sped up the video and they watched as two figures stepped out of the warehouse and walked off screen. Tim paused the video and looked over his shoulder at Raven and Bruce. “That’s one empty church, if you ask me,”

Bruce frowned and stared at the screen. “Pull up the underground layout of the district. Check if there are any underground structures or tunnels under that warehouse,”

Tim hummed and typed in a few commands. “Way ahead of you, B. Oracle and I pulled up the plans up underneath the warehouse. There’s a tunnel system that’s about a 600 meters deep and leads to a bigger hall with a couple of rooms,”

Raven frowned and stared at the blueprint. A chill ran down her spine and her fingers dug into her arms. She suppressed whatever memories that bubbled dangerously under her steely resolve. “Probably one of the older church halls from Brother Blood’s time,” she said.

Switching to the blueprint of the main warehouse, Tim pulled up details of each point of entry. “There’s a couple of windows at the east and west wing of the warehouse, if we enter from the forest side tonight. There are beams and parts of the roof that caved in, that provide good enough coverage for us,” Tim began to play through the structural details of the warehouse. “Entrance to the underground hall is somewhere to the northwest of the warehouse, we’ll have to find it – it should be likely hidden in the flooring or through a door in the back wall,”

Tim continued to pull up a few more plans and live footage of the warehouse. “I’ve programmed the system to send out an alarm for any movement in the area. Oracle is doing another structural scan so we have a better idea of the underground layout.”

Bruce nodded, satisfied with the details presented. “We’ll head out tonight during patrol,” He offered Raven and Tim a brief look. “Good job you two,”

Raven titled her head at Bruce, lips quirking slightly. “Tim was the one who barely slept,”

Tim chuckled and waved his hand absently. “Who needs sleep?”

“Someone who is going head on with a group of people who have a knack at summoning inter-dimensional demons,” Raven rolled her eyes and sent him an amused smile.

“Concerned?” Tim grinned swiveled his chair in her direction. He threw her an amused grin.

Raven made a dismissive sound and turned on her heels. She ignored the brush of his emotions against her. Sending Bruce a quick glance, she stuffed her hands into her (Tim’s) hoodie. “I’m going to do some reading and meditate. I’ll see you later tonight?”

Bruce nodded. He checked his watch and pushed himself away from the railing he was leaning against. “Right. Tim and I have a board meeting. We’ll be back before dinner and we can discuss plans before we leave for the warehouse.” Turning to Tim he eyed him expectantly. “Better get ready, we leave in 10,”

“Board meeting before we take down a church that summons inter-dimensional demons. Bruce Wayne keeps a very interesting social calendar,” Raven sent Bruce an amused smile as she passed him on her way out of the cave.

Not waiting for a reply, she slipped out of the cave and silently walked through the hidden pathway that connected the cave to the manor. Emerging through one of the hidden doors in one of the many sitting rooms in the manor (why Bruce had so many was beyond her), Raven towards the library. After the morning briefing, she didn’t feel particularly hungry for breakfast anymore. She hoped Alfred would understand.

Picking up some of the books she and Tim had been reading over the last few days, she slipped into the deeper corners of the library away from their usual reading space and settled into one of the reading corners at the back of the library. She needed some secluded alone time for herself. Settling into the plush reading chair, Raven pulled her feet under her and comfortably leaned back. Exhaling softly, she tried to release the tension that had settled around her shoulders.

Cracking open the book she had been reading, Raven tried to focus on the text in front of her. However, after rereading the same paragraph five times and still not understanding a single word from the passage, she closed it with a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes. Her head thrummed softly, a whisper of a headache crawling under her skull.

Raven was fairly certain that they’d be able to see this little ragtag church of her father’s at work tonight. From what they gathered so far, they stood a fairly good chance to put an end to this circus by tonight. A few words from the text swam in front of her eyes, sacrifice, death, gem, and she knew that there was absolutely no need for her to read anything more about the Church of Trigon – she already knew everything there was.

Folding her legs into a lotus position and placing the book into her lap, Raven’s fingers curled absently into the old tome. The edged of the book bit into her fingers, grounding her. Her mind reeled briefly as hot, stifling fire consumed her thoughts. Somewhere in the distance she could hear the chanting, Scath, Scath, Scath, and a distant strangled cry. She felt the sickeningly familiar text of Scath dance across her skin and singe her flesh. The curved script pressed into her arms and legs, and slowly burned her torso. Her lungs burned from the heat of fire all but consuming her –

“We need the gem.”

Raven inhaled sharply, allowing cool air to fill her parched lungs, and she quickly opened her eyes, eyeing her surroundings wildly for a brief second. She pushed the tome out of her lap involuntarily and sunk heavily into the plush cushions to calm herself down. A wave of irritation hit her as she thought of how easily the church got under her skin. She should have a better handle over the situation.

Closing her eyes and seeing the fire burn at the back of her eyelids, Raven sore she was going to burn the church to the ground tonight.

Getting into a comfortable lotus position, Raven exhaled softly and slipped into her meditative trance. This should help her ground herself and prepare her for later tonight.

She’ll be fucking damned before Lilith would get the best of her.

“Raven?”

Purple eyes snapped open sharply and quickly focused on Tim as he stood at a safe distance away from her. Feeling like the last dredges of Nevermore slip away from her consciousness, Raven blinked at Tim, who looked like he came fresh from work as he was still dressed in a business suit. How long had she been meditating?

“Alfred says you haven’t had breakfast or lunch,” Tim crossed his arms over his chest and eyed her curiously. “It’s past three in the afternoon,”

“Oh,” Raven breathed softly and unfolded her legs under her. Her leg muscles tingled from being kept in the same position for so long. “I didn’t notice the time,”

Tim tilted his head and watched Raven arrange some of the books in front of her on the table. “Alfred wasn’t sure if he could interrupt you for lunch,”

“Hmm,” Raven hummed softly. She threw him an amused look. “And you could?”

Tim chuckled softly and uncrossed his arms, visibly relaxing. “Well, I can dodge whatever attack you might throw at me a lot faster than Alf,”

Raven eyed Tim in his suit skeptically. It was ridiculous had good he looked in a suit – how come he did not walk around in a suit more often like Bruce did? Seriously. Bruce Wayne’s adult children could fit into a Men’s Health magazine easily – they probably did at one point. “I’m not sure you can in that suit,” she teased.

Tim snorted ungracefully, putting his public image as CEO of Wayne Enterprises to shame. He watched her stand up from the couch and pick up a book from the floor. “You’d be surprised what I can do in this suit,” he said playfully and threw her a grin. Raven released a small bark of laughter and Tim blinked as his brain finally caught up with him. “Okay, that sounded wrong.”

Raven hummed softly, trying to hide her smile as she gathered the books she had been trying to read earlier. Moving around the table with the books in hand, she joined Tim by the end of the bookcase aisle. “I’m a bit hungry. Do you think Alfred would mind if we get something to eat now before dinner?” she asked.

They began walking through the old bookshelves filled with old books. “He asked me to get you to eat something. I want you to eat something,” Tim told her. He shot her a concerned look when she did not respond. “Is everything okay?”

Raven stopped and looked at him curiously. “Everything is okay.”

Tim crossed his arms and stood in front of her, looking down at her with a calculating eye. “You missed breakfast and lunch. You at the very least would have had some tea. You’d rather not make Alfred worry by missing his meals. You walked off right after our morning briefing. And you ignored the messages I sent you today,” He raised an eyebrow at her and titled his head just a fraction of an inch. “Shall I continue?”

“Stalker much?” Raven pressed the books against her chest and raised her eyebrow in challenge.

Tim shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly. “I’m a keen observer.”

Raven rolled her eyes playfully at him. When she saw that Tim’s gaze was unrelenting and he was expecting an answer from her, she sighed softly. “Look, it’s nothing. This whole case has been getting under my skin and it’s just frustrating me,” she replied. She looked away from Tim and purposefully stared at some of the old books a couple of rows down as she felt her skin crawl unconsciously. “I thought I was done dealing with my father and his henchmen. The idea of someone else trying to do what Brother Blood did just throws me off. I told you last night, it just gives me bad memories,”

Tim’s drawn eyebrows relaxed and he looked at her with concern. “Hey,” he said and gently placed his right hand on her tense shoulder. “We’ll get this done tonight, no more Church of Trigon and no more crazy followers trying to summon inter-dimensional demons. We’ll get this done for your mother, I promise,”

Raven looked up at Tim and felt his warm emotions brush against her. She sighed softly and relaxed her shoulders. He was right, they would get everything in order tonight and this would be all over. She threw him a small smile. “Thanks,”

“Excellent,” Tim beamed and he took a small step towards her. “I for one want this over and done with so I can take you out on a date after this. You’ll go on a date with me, right?”

Tim knew that whatever was going on between him and Raven was still pretty new. And while he knew that Dick was going to beat his ass for starting a relationship with one of his teammates (because getting this close to each other was definitely not part of the mission plans), Tim absolutely knew that he wanted to spend more time with Raven, even if it meant if he had to spend time in Jump once in a while. He could at least take her one date in Gotham before she had to go back to Jump – and then they’d have to figure something out from there. Would she even –

“You think way too loudly, Tim,” Raven raised an amused eyebrow at him. The corner of her lips raised lightly in amusement.

“Oh,” Tim released a breathy chuckle, embarrassed. Of course, Raven was an empath. He chuckled sheepishly and absently ran a hand through his long hair.

“I’m a boring date,” Raven said, tilting her head just a little bit at him. She felt the familiar press of his emotions against her and she silently sought more of it.

Catching her teasing tone and easily feeling the atmosphere shift around them, Tim laughed softly and crowded her personal space. Dropping his gaze to her lips, he ducked his head just a little bit to level her gaze and he watched in satisfaction as her eyes widened a fraction of an inch and her breath caught in her throat. Gently cupping her jaw, he drew her closer and he smiled.

“You’re anything but boring, Raven,” Tim whispered softly to her.

Raven felt that familiar, satisfying purr of emotions inside of her as Tim’s warm emotions practically wrapped themselves around her. Her eyelids dropped softly and she watched as Tim hovered so close to her. “Oh?”

As Tim crowded her space, Raven felt herself get drugged by the delicious press of their emotions. The familiar smell of sandalwood overwhelmed her senses and Raven felt the all too familiar press of lips against her own. Humming softly in satisfaction, she gently leaned into the kiss, silently asking for more.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Raven wasn’t sure how she’d ever be able to explain to Dick, her team leader who had 100% faith in her that she would not fuck this mission up, that she had somehow completed the mission he had asked her to work on and come back with a potential relationship with his brother. She wasn’t sure if she was overachieving or asking for trouble. She faintly wondered what Batman would think.

But that, like her earlier worries over Lilith and her father’s church, did not seem to matter right now as Tim continued to kiss her. Raven felt the gentle swipe of his thumb against her cheek as he titled her chin to get better access. The kiss was gentle and needy, nothing like this morning’s hot and frenzied kisses. Theses kisses warmed her body and had her seeking for more.

Tim gently pulled back and inhaled softly, relishing her tantalizing scent of lavender. Staying within her personal space, he stroked her cheek once more and smiled as he watched her hooded eyes look up at him. “So?” he whispered gently. “Is that a yes?”

Raven blinked through the haze and gave Tim a confused look, which he thought looked cute. “Hmm?”

Tim chuckled and offered her a smile. “A date. Tomorrow?” Grinning triumphantly, he tucked a few stray strands of purple hair behind her ear and pulled away fully. “I take that as a yes?”

Taking in the twinkle in his blue eyes, Raven teasingly quirked the corner of her lips up at Tim. “Careful, you’re getting cocky,” she teased and slipped out of his arms. Side stepping him, she threw a small smile at him over her shoulder. “Will you wear a suit again?”

Tim’s eyes widened in amusement as he watched her walk towards their reading table and drop off the books she was carrying. Tim was sure he was imagining the light sway of her hips as she walked towards the table. He grinned brightly at her as they resumed walking out of the library. Giving her a sly grin, he leaned into her just as they were about to exit the library. “So you like the suit?” his voice held a playful tone in it.

Raven snorted and nudged him away with her shoulder. “It looks nice,”

Tim threw her another teasing grin. “You said I looked nice, I’ll remember this,” he said with a lilt in his voice.

Raven rolled her eyes at Tim in mock annoyance but secretly enjoyed the attention. “I said the suit looks nice,” she replied as they entered the kitchen. “Don’t put words into my mouth,”

“That’s what she said,” Tim grinned.

Raven narrowed her eyes at Tim in warning as they caught sight of Alfred standing dutifully over two steaming mugs and a plate of, in Raven’s opinion, the most beautiful sandwiches she had ever seen. Cyborg would be jealous. Stopping by the kitchen island, she offered Alfred a small smile.

“Miss Raven, you missed breakfast and lunch. I am glad that Master Tim was able to convince you to finally have something to eat,” Alfred sent her a stern look as he watched the two settle by the kitchen island.

Raven offered Alfred an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Alfred. I must have lost track of time,”

Alfred looked unimpressed, obviously having heard the same excuse throughout his lifetime at the Wane Manor. “I’ve prepared some light sandwiches for you, these should tide you over until dinner before you all head out. This family has a tendency to forget the essentials of partaking in meals on time before breaking up deadly crime rings,” blinking at the pair once, Alfred continued. “I expect you all for dinner later before you decide to put an end to a church that summons inter-dimensional demons. It’s a terrible idea to go out on missions on an empty stomach,”

Not waiting for their reply, Alfred stepped away from the kitchen island. After brushing off some imaginary lint from his right sleeve of his suit, he straightened and cast them a long look. “Now if you will excuse me, I will tend to our garden before starting dinner,”

Raven watched Alfred step out of the kitchen before staring at Tim with a surprised look. She watched Tim take one of the beautiful cucumber sandwiches. “Is he always like that?” she asked while watching him take a bit out of a sandwich. “That’s mine,”

“Since I was a teenager,” Tim shrugged and gave her an amused smile, completely ignoring her and picked another small sandwich. “He’s made it a mission to get Bruce and everyone else to eat on time,”

Raven plucked one of the cucumber sandwiches from the tray and took a bite. Her stomach churned painfully after finally getting something into it. She forgot how hungry she really was.

“Where’s Bruce?” she asked Tim, giving him a curious glance. She took a sip of Alfred’s special English tea which Raven had come to enjoy over the past few weeks. She faintly wondered if Alfred would be kind enough to share the recipe with her.

Tim nursed his cup of coffee and picked up another small sandwich from the platter. “Wrapping things up at the office. Our board meeting lasted a bit longer than we planned, I left as soon as I could,” he answered.

“The Wayne’s certainly keep a very interesting social calendar,” commented Raven.

Tim snorted and threw her a wry grin. “You should see us during budget season,”

Raven looked at Tim in amusement before finishing up her sandwich. “I can’t imagine what it’s like juggling crime fighting and managing a multi-million-dollar business,” she said.

Tim hummed loudly into his coffee mug as he finished the last of his coffee. Placing the mug on the kitchen island, he shrugged absently. Balancing his day job and their nightly activities was pretty tiring, especially when reporting to the office after a particularly bloody night out. After years of working with Bruce, both as Red Robin and as Senior Management at WE, Tim had gotten a handle of managing the demands of both jobs. Though, he’d love to get a day (or maybe a week) off. Perhaps Raven would be interested in going on vacation with him? Europe, maybe? He mentally shook his head; he was getting way ahead of himself.

“Scheduling can get a bit messy,” joked Tim. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the curious Raven. “Bruce was able to do it for years. When I joined, I guess I just got engrossed into everything and I haven’t slept since,”

Raven raised an eyebrow at him. “That can’t be healthy,”

Tim laughed and nudged his empty coffee mug away with his fingers. It slid across granite countertop. “Tell that to my obsessive work ethic,”

Pushing her chair back and standing up, Raven eyed him curiously. “Well then, I guess your obsessive work ethic won’t mind we go through tonight’s plans one more time?” she asked.

Chuckling, Tim followed her suit and they made their way out of the kitchen. “I was hoping you’d say that,”

Throwing a teasing look over her shoulder as they approached the old grandfather clock in the living room, one of the many hidden entrances to the cave, Raven’s purple eyes danced. “You sure?” she asked, a teasing lilt in her voice. She felt the curious press of Tim’s emotions against her. “And it’s not me hoping your obsessive work ethic won’t mind a day off tomorrow for a date?”

Reaching over her shoulder to type in the code into the hidden panel of the grandfather clock, Tim threw her a wide smile. He got a soft whiff of her lavender shampoo, and Tim was sure that he could get used to the warm scent around him. “So that’s a yes to tomorrow?”

The door to the cave opened with a soft swish. The noise barely covered Raven’s chuckle. “Let’s put an end to my father’s church, and then we can talk about tomorrow,”

“Gladly,”

The evening was muggy and warm as Raven stood hidden in the shadows of one of the warehouses. As a soft breeze hit her, she could smell the impending rain. She just hoped it wouldn’t rain while they were taking down Lilith and the church, it was always such a bother to fight in the rain. Purple eyes scanned their marked warehouse in front of her, trying to catch any movement. Batman and Red Robin were on their way with the Batmobile and Tim’s motorcycle.

Raven watched the trees by the forest rustle as another silent breeze swept past. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach as she considered how things may turn out tonight.

“We need the gem.”

Raven released a shuddering breath as the whispers of her dreams brushed against her mind. She had bad feeling about tonight.

She felt Batman and Red Robin approach her position and she looked over her shoulder to see both men jump onto the roof silently from out of nowhere. It always amazed her how for humans, Batman and his team moved with such graceful stealth.

“Anything?” Batman asked when they joined her at the edge of the roof.

“I don’t sense anyone inside right now,” Raven answered, her purple eyes glowing faintly as she stared at the old warehouse in front of them.

“Entrance is northwest of the warehouse. We can go in now,” Red Robin tapped a few buttons on his computer on his arm. Closing the program, he dropped his arm and looked at his companions. “Shall we?”

Raven nodded and they sprang into action, silently taking off from their hiding place on the rooftop and jumping onto the roof of the old warehouse they’ve been staking out. Flying over to the forest side of the warehouse, Raven spotted the windows Tim briefed them on and slipped through the broken window. Batman and Red Robin easily followed her.

From their vantage point on the second floor landing, the warehouse was bare save for some old wooden crates lined up in the far corner. It was dark, except for the yellow light of the lamppost that streamed through the broken windows. Raven scanned the empty warehouse warily, drawing her body into her cloak involuntarily as the silence settled around her uneasily. It smelled musty and the whole warehouse creaked softly in the soft summer evening wind.

She eyed the rusty warehouse doors up ahead of her. She faintly wondered if her mother passed through these doors years ago?

“Here,”

Tim’s voice was soft in the night and Raven turned around, surprised that Batman and Red Robin had slipped down the landing and were crowded over a trap door hidden behind a few crates.

Flying down the landing silently, Raven joined the two men. Red Robin pulled open the trap door and the smell of incense overwhelmed her senses. The uneasy feeling in her stomach churned angrily. Quickly exchanging looks with Batman and Red Robin, she nodded and instantly released her soul self, wrapping the three of them in the dark matter. This would allow some form of protection over them while they slipped through the cavern.

Quietly walking down the stairs of the trap door, Raven kept her eyes trained in front of her. The cavern was empty and sparsely lit by torches that licked the stone walls. She could hear nothing except her own breathing. How could the GCP have missed this place when they first took down Brother Blood?

After a few more minutes of walking and taking turns through the cavern, they eventually found a door up ahead. Light streamed through the cracks of the door. As they approached, Raven quickly cast a glance over her shoulder and caught Batman and Red Robin’s eyes. Nodding silently, she turned back to the door and briefly touched the basic steel door. No one seemed to be behind it.

Gingerly touching the door, Raven took a surprised step back as it slid open with a soft hiss under her fingers. The heady smell of incense assaulted her senses once more as they stepped into the large, warmly lit hall.

The hall was built like a church, several pews lined up and facing a white, marble altar. They tentatively entered the hall, their bodies tense and alert for any movements. Torches lined the stone walls that emanated an ominous glow over the church. Dark wooden beams ran over the walls and arched under the ceiling. Dark red markings ran along the cobblestone floor that lead towards the altar. Above the altar, the mark of Scath was etched into the wall. It glowed darkly down on them as they cautiously approached the large altar.

“Well, shit,” Red Robin breathed next to her.

Raven felt her insides freeze and she drew herself deeper into her cloak as her emotions bubbled under her skin. There, in the middle of the white marble altar, stood a little white picture frame and a bronze dagger next to it.

Staring up at them from the picture frame was a picture of Raven.

#TimRae #TimRae Fanfiction #Tim Drake #Raven

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wildwcmen · 3 years

Photo

Basic Information

Full Name: Andromeda Haneul Lee

Nickname(s): Andie, Sky

Age: 20-27

Date of Birth: February 2nd

Hometown: San Francisco, CA

Ethnicity: Korean

Nationality: American

Gender: Demigirl

Pronouns: She/Her & They/Them

Religion: Polytheism

Occupation: Student, aircraft engineer

Language(s) Spoken: English, Korean

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: Chungha

Hair Colour: Black, dark brown, blonde

Eye Colour: Dark brown

Height: 5′3

Build: Petite, somewhat athletic, titties kinda big (like c up)

Tattoos: N/A

Piercings: Ears

Clothing Style: Pastels, frilly dresses, pearls, definitely likes to rock a suit from time to time

Usual Expression: Flustered, concentrated, thoughtful, dreamy

Distinguishing Characteristics: Expressive eyes, sweet expression

Health

Conditions: general anxiety disorder, panic attacks

Sleeping Habits: Andie is careful to keep a strict sleeping schedule. She sleeps before 10 PM almost every night, and makes sure to get 8 hours of sleep. They prefer to rise early.

Eating Habits: She’s very healthy and eats an 80-90% plant based diet. She cooks for herself most of the time, only eating out or ordering in very rarely.

Exercise Habits: She runs every morning and has been practicing yoga since she was very young.

Emotional Stability: 6/10

Sociability: She craves social interaction, but finds herself easily flustered and quickly worn out. She’s a bit quiet and awkward, but tries her best!

Drug Use: Occasionally uses marijuana, has experimented with mushrooms, but nothing regularly. She grew up in a household in which drugs use wasn’t largely stigmatized, and as such had healthy experimentation but nothing major.

Alcohol Use: Yes, only socially.

Personality

Label: TBA

Positive Traits: optimistic, intelligent, hard working, kind, affectionate, athletic

Negative Traits: naive, unconsciously emotionally manipulative, emotionally withdrawn, awkward, strange

Fears: failure, not being good enough

Hobbies: yoga, reading, soccer, basketball, running, swimming, video games (the sims, minecraft, very casual), pottery

Habits: giggling when nervous, nail biting, saying ‘um’, pausing too much in conversation

Favourites

Weather: crisp, fall weather

Colour: sky blue

Music: dark indie pop vibes

Movies: she grew up watching sci-fi movies with her mom, and definitely has a love of those. she also enjoys drama and mystery.

Sport: soccer

Beverage: pink lemonade

Food: acai bowl with extra honey

Animal: bear cubs

Family

Father: unknown

Mother: cassiopeia lee

Sibling(s): younger half siblings

Children: n/a

Pet(s): tba

Family’s Financial Status: well off

Extra

Zodiac Sign: aquarius sun, gemini moon, pisces rising

MBTI: INSJ

Enneagram: The Achiever

Temperament: Phlegmatic

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Moral Alignment: Neutral Good

Primary Vice: Jealousy

Primary Virtue: Kindness

Element: Air

Flaws

Strengths

Skills & Hobbies

Human Verse

she was raised by her mother in los angeles, california. her mother is a very popular artist and internet persona. she comes from a very loving home, but having such an outgoing and charismatic mother became a bit of a crutch for her. she never really learned how to speak for herself, and was often embarrassed by the stories of her mother that were spread all over the internet. as such, andie became a very quiet and reserved sort of person. she values intelligence above all else, and went away very far for college as soon as it became an option. her main goal in life is to step out of her mother’s shadow and be her own person.

Supernatural Verse

she was raised between the moon and earth, spending time on both planes so that she had a strong connection to both sides of herself. andie always knew that she was in line for the throne, and this was always something that stressed her out greatly. as such, she all but repressed her abilities in hopes that her mother would think one of her other siblings was favored by the gods instead of her. as a teenager she ran away to the underworld and made friends with certain gods, namely persephone, hades and hecate. she was gifted with magical abilities during this time, choosing to focus on those rather than the celestial gifts that she got from her mother.

species: lunar extraterrestrial & human abilities: repressed celestial manipulation, active lunar and stellar magic

#andie stats

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patrickstargang · 4 years

Text

Forgotten Past, Hidden Future (Legend of Korra fic)

Chapter 1: Looking In The Wrong Places

Chapter 2: Lucky To Have You

Chapter 3: A Lot To Learn

Chapter 4: Kya’s Story

Chapter 5: A Tale of Maizu

Chapter 6: The Avatar’s Love

Final Chapter: The Mural

CW: mentions of homophobia

Kya was known to begin practicing right around when the sun started rising. The pavilion was usually where she went unless Tenzin was taking the other Air Nomads for an early meditation session. But it wasn’t Tenzin that she saw at the pavilion, but two figures that were all too familiar to her.

Korra and Asami sat facing the shore, both in what looked like a deep state of meditation. Every now and then Asami would peek to see the still, balanced posture that Korra was trying to keep. Korra concentrated, maybe a little too much. But her concentration breaks as a voice upsets the silence.

“Fancy meeting you two lovebirds out here,” Kya said with a smug grin on her face. “Especially at this hour.”

Korra and Asami turned around to see Kya, they both knew she would show up eventually. “Oh good,” Korra said, sounding relieved. “We were waiting for you.”

Kya seemed very confused until Asami interjected. “She’s trying to talk to Avatar Kyoshi and she thinks that meditating will help her tap into the Spirit World. But, I think she needs a little help.”

Korra slumped forward in her spot. “Even after years of being the Avatar, I’m still bad at meditating.”

Kya lightly chuckled as she approached the pavilion. “Alright then kids, let me help you out a little.” She sat next to the two, sitting with proper posture and stance. Korra and Asami adjusted themselves, trying to mimic Kya.

She glanced at the two, her smirk changed from smug to sincere. “It's nice to see you two are meditating together.” She glanced off into the distance. “Reminds me of when I used to meditate with my girlfriend.”

Korra opened her eyes. “That reminds me, I forgot to ask the other day but who is your girlfrie-”

Kya snapped her fingers. “Hey, stay focused now!”

Korra quickly adjusted herself, closed her eyes, and stayed silent.

“Now just keep focusing on your breathing, let it guide you. Empty your mind of any thoughts you might have. Even what you might say to Kyoshi when you meet her. Just feel the moment, let your mind be like a wave across the shore. Now…...breathe.”

It took time, but Korra was able to envision herself as the wave Kya was talking about. She felt her presence at this moment, more so than ever before. She could feel her connection to the world around her, hearing the wind and soft chimes coming from the temple. But most of all she could feel the support of those who loved her, more so than any tangible thing. She felt at peace, for the first time in a while. As this feeling came across her, she suddenly felt weightless.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Korra opened her eyes to see herself suspended in a blueish, ethereal plain. The only other thing out in the emptiness was spots of light that cut through the dark. She looked down at her hands, to see she was an apparition, highlighted with a purple glow. She made it.

Korra floated in a moment of silence before she noticed a figure forming in front of her. A blue glowing energy began to twist and morph, but it never settled on a shape. Soon she remembered what it was. She closed her eyes again in intense focus.

“Please,” she spoke softly. “I need to speak to Avatar Kyoshi.”

Korra could hear the shaping of the energy, contracting, and welling up like a burning flame. This lasted for minutes before it went completely silent. Then a familiar voice spoke.

“It’s good to see you Avatar Korra.”

She felt a chill run down her spine. She's done this before but every time it was still just as intimidating. Korra slowly opened her eyes to see Kyoshi. Except, it wasn’t Kyoshi. Well, it was Kyoshi (still as tall as ever) but not in the way she usually saw her. She wasn’t wearing her signature face makeup or her headpiece. She appeared before her without any mask, this was Kyoshi not as the Avatar but as herself.

“....A-Avatar Kyoshi!” Korra stumbled, surprised by her new appearance. But she readjusted herself and felt somehow comforted by her. “It’s good to see you too.”

While Kyoshi’s appearance was different, she still exuded the same cold and calculated tone she has shown before. “So, you’ve come to me with some questions?”

“Yes, a lot actually.” She gives Kyoshi a look of determination. "I want to know about Maizu Village.”

Kyoshi’s cold stare showed a hint of intrigue. “What is that you want to know?”

“......Everything.”

Kyoshi sighed deeply, realizing Korra’s commitment to this journey would be taxing but necessary. “Very well then.”

Behind Kyoshi, a wall of blue aura manifested, shaping into what looked like the Earth King’s palace. Before she continued, blue faceless figures began acting out her story.

“It all started one night when I was visiting Ba Sing Se, I was about 10 years into accepting my role as the Avatar. I already knew the capital was set up in a way that divided the social classes, promoting an unfair way of life for those who weren’t so fortunate. I was still in the process of trying to reform this system in whatever way I could. But there was so much more going on that I didn’t even realize.

“I was spending the night up in the estates, that was where the King wanted me to stay before I met with him in the morning. But I was feeling restless, so I took a walk late night walk down to the lower sections of the city. During my walk, I heard a struggle going on in the building next to me. The front door slammed open and I saw two young boys, both ragged and hurt, being taken away by Earth Kingdom police. It caught my attention, something felt off about this.

“They kept holding on to one another like they were holding on for dear life. But the guards kept separating them. I approached them, asking why they were being arrested. One of the guards told me that they had committed ‘treasonous acts’ against the Earth Kingdom. The lie was about as plain as the nose on his face. I asked what ‘acts’ they had committed but he refused to say. Then the guard looked back at the boys, who were holding hands as tight as they could. They were trying to stay connected. The guard broke their grip with malicious intent. He had a face of pure anger that I had only seen on rare occasions. He called them ‘degenerates’.

“After that, I knew exactly what was going on. I had no evidence for it, but these two were not being taken for treason. I don't know what came over me, but I surprised the guards by pulling them down into the Earth up to their torso. I took the boys into my arms and ran. I ran as fast as I possibly could. No one identified me since most people saw the Avatar with the makeup and headpiece. I looked like how I appear to you right now.

“I took them back to the estate in secret. I learned that they had no family to stay with and that if they tried to go back out, they might be identified and arrested. I agreed to take care of them until I found someone who could. As I was sleeping that night, I knew exactly what I needed to tell the King.

“The meeting went about as well as you would expect. When I brought up the subject of citizens being imprisoned for prejudiced reasons, he brushed it off by saying they were committing treason. I tried everything that I could to convince him, but he was about as stubborn as he was dense. I later found out that the people who were arrested for their sexual orientation were being labeled as ‘political prisoners.’ This was a matter that couldn’t have been stopped if I had just brought down the Earth King, this was deeper than that. It's easy to kill a leader, but it's hard to change the beliefs of an entire nation. It was then that I realized I had to take drastic measures.

“Since I had my connections with the Earth Kingdom police, I could see who was being held up for ‘treason’. I had a plan in mind to break them out and get them to a safe space. I was able to set up the mission with a couple of old daofei friends of mine-”

“Wait a minute,” Korra interrupted. “You were a part of the daofei !? That part wasn’t in any of the scrolls or textbooks.”

“I’ll tell you the story behind that one day, but not right now. Anyways, I was able to gather a few friends to help in this breakout.”

She paused, her stoic expression changed to something more sly. “Interesting, isn’t it? That a couple of daofei criminals could have more sympathy for others than the ruler of the Earth Kingdom.”

“We all did it in disguise, it was harder for me because my height was usually a dead giveaway. I also restricted myself to only using earthbending which made our plan a bit more challenging. But we made it through, taking everyone with us to a remote location deep in the woods. It would have been much more challenging to get there if it wasn’t for Pengpeng, my flying bison. I took the two boys with me as well, since my efforts for finding them a home went nowhere. We set up camp at first and as days went by it started to look more like a real commune.

“I had to keep them away from the authorities since they were all considered wanted criminals. They went under new names for a while, some decided to keep their name but others still used their original name in private. As the months went by, the search died down and things were able to go back to something resembling normal. After that, Maizu became somewhat of a fishing town, on top of being a sanctuary, as it lived near a river. So with time, the villagers were able to truly make a home of it.

“From that day forward, I swore an oath to protect Maizu to the best of my abilities. Even if it meant facing against the Earth Kingdom military. I would have to make visits every now and then while still keeping it secret from everyone. I’m sure many of my friends were confused about my frequent absences, but it was something I felt a great responsibility to. I got to see these people who were always living on a knife’s edge find peace for themselves. I even saw the two boys grow up together and start a family.

“Helping all those people reminded me why being the Avatar was such a monumental responsibility. The reputation of the Avatar was somewhat soured after Kuruk and so I felt the need to make up for all the injustice that brewed after his passing. And on top of many other corrections, this… this was long overdue.”

Korra was overwhelmed with this news, she had a starstruck look on her face for the past few minutes. But she thought about what she said about the responsibilities of being an Avatar. She wasn’t sure how to compare herself to Kyoshi.

“It sounds like you took to being the Avatar pretty well. I mean, helping all those people really changed their lives for the better. I wish I could say the same. You’ve helped others live peacefully and I’m still here trying to fix everything with the Spirit World and the Earth Kingdom.”

Kyoshi took note of this, she could sense the doubt in her voice. “But you're still young, you won’t always have a handle on things so soon. And yet you’ve done so much in that time. Quite frankly you're on a much better direction than I was at your age. I was still settling personal vendettas. Creating Maizu was an uphill battle and it took time, but that time and effort paid off in the end. I know you will find a way.”

The initial doubt washed away from Korra’s mind. “Thank you,” she said softly.

“Did you have any more questions?”

“No, no more questions.” But Korra hesitated, remembering one other important detail. “Actually there was one other thing…..”

“What is it?”

Korra hesitated again, wondering if her curiosity was going too far. But eventually, she gave in. “I saw a name in the textbooks I was reading. Someone named Rangi. It said that she was your bodyguard while you were the Avatar, but that's all it said. I was wondering…..who was she?”

Then Korra saw something she had never seen before. She saw Kyoshi smile.

“Korra, I’m sorry but I can’t tell you about my bodyguard .”

She turned her head to the side in complete confusion.

“But, I can tell you about my wife .”

#atla #avatar #legend of korra #rise of kyoshi #lok #trok #atla fanfic #legend of korra fanfic #rise of kyoshi fanfic #korra #asami #kya #kyoshi #rangi #earth kingdom #maizu #first fanfic #forgotten past hidden future part 5 #forgotten past hidden future chapter 5

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ruddcatha · 4 years

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Guardian Chapter 15

SURPRISE, the next chapter is here!

Things are getting intense, can Kagome handle the pressure?

WARNING, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION ARE THEMES IN THIS CHAPTER

Thank you again to @heavenin–hell for your inspiration, I hope this story does your work justice.

posted on Ao3: Here / FFN: Here

Guardian has been Nominated for the Feudal Connection 2020 3rd Quarterly Inuyasha Fandom Awards! Thank you to all the supporters of this story!! Voting is now open and runs through August 12, 2020, click here to vote.

Nominated for: Best AU/AR

Kagome would never forget how she had felt that day as they were ushered out of the weapons lab, Sango, Kikyo, Miroku and Inuyasha circling her, hiding her from the Ookami who lived in the Compound who had come running at the massive surge of energy. She was grateful she hadn’t hurt anyone, although it had been a close call. She could see how tired Miroku and Kikyo were, it took a tremendous amount of energy to place a barrier, and they had needed to form large ones… and FAST.

As soon as they reached the cars Inuyasha had bundled her into one of the back seat with him, holding her as closely as he could. She hadn’t been able to process anything he said to her, between the massive drain of energy and the shock, her mind had gone into shut down. One thought kept haunting her.

She had nearly hurt Inuyasha.

The tears she had kept at bay broke through the dam and streamed down her face as she began to shake.

“Shhhh, Kagome, I’ve got you.” Inuyasha’s voice broke as he whispered to her, one hand stroking her hair while the other held her to his chest. “I’ve got you.”

Kagome felt his yokai surrounding her, gently pulsing around her in a soothing fashion. Slowly awareness began to seep back in. She looked out the window and saw Miroku and Kikyo in a heated conversation, well, it looked heated from the way Miroku was moving his hands, Kikyo had gone into priestess mode, showing no expression and staying still, without any errant movements. Shippo was talking to Jinenji, he seemed to be the only excited by what had happened, she could almost see the young man quivering with excitement. Rin stood off to the side with her head tilted, watching Kagome through the glass.

Toga, Sesshomaru and Koga stood near the entrance to the weapons facility, deep in discussion. She saw Koga hand a wrapped package to Toga with a nod before all three looked in her direction. The sheer anger in Sesshomaru’s eyes frightened Kagome and she turned to hide her face against Inuyasha’s neck.

Toga watched the pair carefully, the sinking feeling of dread growing at what he saw. Inuyasha’s yokai had enveloped Kagome, surrounding her frantic and spiking energy.

He had seen the difference in her energy the moment Inuyasha had reached her in the chaos in the weapons lab. He had watched as their energies had melded together, the golden colors blending and deepening the longer Inuyasha held her and had seen how quickly Kagome’s energy had begun to calm.

Spiritual energy and yokai should have been incompatible, and with Kagome’s instability Inuyasha’s unconscious actions should have increased the instability, putting them all at risk.

But… it hadn’t. Kagome’s energy hadn’t rejected Inuyasha’s.

The implications of what that meant for his son terrified him. He only knew of one pairing between a powerful priestess and a yokai, Midoriko and her mate Hoshiyomi. He was one of only a few that knew they had been mated, that Midoriko had needed Hoshiyomi’s yokai to be able to fully control her abilities.

Inuyasha was strong, but as a hanyou, would he be strong enough to be Kagome’s stability?

Kagome stayed wrapped in Inuyasha’s arms until they were back at the university, and even then, she refused to leave Inuyasha’s arms. He picked her up and carried her to her room, and sat down with her on her bed, just holding her in his arms, rocking her back and forth. Sango had entered the room at one point, but Kagome had tuned everything out but Inuyasha. Every time he moved to leave, she let out a soft whimper and held him closer.

He lay down on the bed, cradling her in his arms, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead until she fell into a fitful sleep, once again plagued with dreams. This time, when she woke in terror and reached out for him, he was there to sooth her back to sleep. With his yokai surrounding her like a cocoon, she finally fell into a dreamless slumber, knowing that Inuyasha was there to protect her.

After that day, the training sessions had become torture. If she thought Sesshomaru had been hard on her before, it was nothing compared to his cutting and biting remarks now. He had made her demonstrate move after move, throw after throw, criticizing her form, her technique, her lack of strength, her lack of control. After the first day Inuyasha had snarled back, but Kagome’s hand on his chest had him backing down. She couldn’t fault Sesshomaru for his criticism, he was right, and she knew it.

She had taken to isolating herself during breaks, she couldn’t sit still, she just couldn’t. She didn’t want to feel their stares, hear the whispers. They all knew now, and of course the yokai were afraid of her. She had seen the distance they kept during training, surrounding her with human partners to keep the yokai out of range. So, she had wandered, she knew the living quarter well but only knew the training room on that level. Exploring gave her something to do, something to focus on. One room had caught her attention, it was empty except for one item, a light gray vessel with white and black flowers that looked vaguely familiar. She saw the sutras around the door, whatever the vessel was, it was well protected.

She felt a tinge of guilt, she had been actively avoiding Sango, but she needed to do this, to train, to get stronger, alone. She knew that Sango would have joined her training sessions, but… Sango was one of her oldest friends, she couldn’t bear to keep disappointing her too.

Inuyasha had insisted on coming over each night with dinner, watching her until she choked some of it down. She started running every night round the campus, waiting until Inuyasha left her apartment before taking off. For the past two nights she had run for hours, she could not get the looks of fear, the anger in her ally’s faces, the sheer terror in Inuyasha’s eyes. She knew realistically the terror had been for her, not of her, but that hadn’t helped her dreams any. She would stumble home around two in the morning, and every night she jolted awake around four. Now, instead of seeing a yokai kill Inuyasha in front of her in her dreams, she was the direct cause of his death. She had watched as she had purified him, or her shot missed its target to strike Inuyasha, both times watching as he turned to ash in front of her.

She refused to go back to sleep, refused to face that in her dreams. She was spending her early mornings trying to meditate by Sanshiro Pond as she listened to the world come back to life, the song of the birds strengthening as it moved to the early dawn hours. Her concentration waned as the song of a new bird caught her attention.

FUCK.

Every single noise distracted her, pulled her focus. Tears streamed down her face as she curled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She stared at the lake, barely seeing the majesty of the sunrise around her.

She had never had a problem focusing on a task before in her life, and now, when it mattered more than ever, that concentration was just… gone. The past few months, finding out about her spiritual powers, realizing the world was more than just what she saw, that yokai, creatures of myths and legends, walked the earth, went to school with her, that she was quickly falling in love with one, the physical exertion…

In the middle of all this, she had lost Kagome.

Now she was just the sum of everyone’s expectations. And she kept fucking letting them down.

She tipped her head back and let out a scream before curling back in on herself.

She wasn’t some superhuman, she wasn’t a superhero, she was Kagome, just Kagome. But she didn’t know who Kagome was anymore, and that thought terrified her.

The alarm on her phone broke her concentration, and she pulled it out, the screen blurry through her tears.

Shit. She hadn’t realized it was already Wednesday. It was her seven am wakeup notification, she had Evolutionary Anthropology at eight thirty, and the professor did NOT like when they were late. Kagome stood and wiped the tears from her eyes. With effort she pushed her emotions down, forcing them out of her thoughts. Thankfully, most of her credits were field study with Totosai, but she had this one physical class for the semester.

She ran back to her apartment, sighing in relief when she did not hear Sango up and about as she snuck into her bedroom. She hurried to get ready, as she exited the bathroom Sango handed her a cup of coffee and Kagome pulled the mask of the old Kagome over her, going through the motions of their usual morning routine with a smile on her face.

It wasn’t until she left the apartment that she allowed the mask to fall, the smile to fade. She had been getting good over the past month at hiding behind the mask. She was reminded of a saying she had seen on Facebook, faking a smile is the most painful lie, but it’s the most effective way to hide from all the questions.

She couldn’t let them know, couldn’t let them see. If you smile broad enough, no one sees the tears.

She was getting exceptionally good at hiding them.

She made it to class with minutes to spare, sliding into a seat at the back of the room. Her classmates had noticed that she had started to draw to the back, but none of them knew her well enough to know how unusual that was. Sitting in the back allowed her to zone out, to keep her attention on other matters… like saving the world.

She pulled out her notebook and started making lists, a new habit she had picked up over the past month. Lists of moves to practice, to do lists around the apartment, lists of places she wanted to show Inuyasha… and the new one, lists of where she had messed things up in her dreams. That was the most important list to her right now, she had become almost obsessive with analyzing her dreams in detail, focusing on where something had gone wrong, she lost a weapon, she didn’t adjust her weight right, and its correlating list of what to practice to keep that from happening. Her professor’s voice droned on and on in the background, it quickly became white noise until the words finally registered with Kagome.

“… forget, your final term papers are due this Friday by midnight. The information is in the syllabus, and I hope you have all been working on them as the semester went on.”

Kagome’s eyes went wide, and she pulled out the syllabus. There it was… the research project, 30% of the grade. Twenty pages in length with at least ten citations to peer reviewed articles and studies, due that Friday.

She stared at the paper in shock. She had lost track of time, how… how was it early July already? She saw the rest of the class packing up and felt panic rise again.

“Kagome, could you see me please?” Kagome’s head snapped up to see the professor gesturing to her. Kagome hesitated, then walked to the front of the room.

“Kagome, you haven’t submitted your research topic for approval, I do hope you have been working on it.” Kagome felt the walls of the room closing in around her as her panic rose. “You have chosen your topic, correct?”

Kagome took a breath. “Yes sensei. My paper is focused on the behavioral changes of the Edo Period of rural settlements as they transitioned from worshiping yokai to Buddhism and Shinto beliefs.” She crossed her fingers behind her back, hoping it would be ok… would maybe Koga and Shippo would be able to help her.

Her professor nodded. “I look forward to your paper Kagome, that is a fascinating topic.”

‘Now I hope I can do this in the next two days.’ Kagome thought to herself as she rushed to grab her bag and hurry out the door. She needed to get to the library.

She flew out of the building at a near run, only to come to a stop as she saw Inuyasha leaning against a tree, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. Her eyes lit up at the offering of caffeine.

“My hero.” She cried out, running to him, and taking the offered coffee.

Inuyasha smirked as he watched her down half the cup without stopping.

“And here I thought you were excited to see me.” He teased. Kagome shot him a look as she finished the coffee., then leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I am, I’m just more excited for the caffeine.”

Inuyasha let out a playful growl at her words, and his arms banded around her waist to pull her against him. That damn smell of decay was growing stronger, and it was driving him crazy trying to identify what was causing it. After the visit to the Ookami on Sunday, it had gotten more pronounced, cloying, and overpowering her natural scent. He cautiously tried to sniff out the location of the scent.

Kagome saw his nostrils flare gently and a shiver went through her. He was the one person, the one being, she needed to protect. She quickly rose onto her toes, sealing her mouth against his, her bag dropped to the ground as she tangled her hand into his hair. She felt his rumble of pleasure go through her as she let all the fear, all the anxiety faded away, losing herself in his kiss.

He made her feel alive, his arms were the only place she did. She pressed herself even closer to him, elation running through her as she felt, really felt, his interest in her, the growing pressure against her stomach as he deepened the kiss with a growl. He lifted her off the ground and pulled her even closer, and she stopped thinking at all.

Inuyasha lost himself in her kiss. Kagome had been quiet and withdrawn for the past few days, and he had missed her fire, her spirit. He had missed her, even when they were in the same room, he missed her. The scent of ginger flooded his nose, drowning out all other scents as he picked her up and held her against him. He could feel his blood rushing to his lower body, felt himself begin to swell against her and heard her soft moan. The feel of her pressed against his body, her heat seeping through his clothes, Kami he wanted… more. He released her lips to press kisses down her neck before licking the junction of her neck and shoulder. He felt more than heard her gasp as he repeated the movement.

He felt his teeth lengthen, drawn by the feel of her blood. Her pulse called to him, and he scraped his fangs against her skin, he growled as she tilted her head to give him better access with a broken whimper, her hand holding his face against her neck. The taste of her skin was addicting, he needed more of it. He nipped her skin, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to leave a mark. He pulled his head back and licked his lips, his eyes never leaving that small section of her skin, the need to bite her nearly overpowered him.

With a grunt he forcibly pulled himself away from her neck to quickly lower her to the ground and turn away from her. He placed his hand on the tree next to him to ground himself. His claws tore into the bark of the tree, his breathing broken at the effort to bring himself back under control.

‘What… what just… what just happened.’ Kagome felt herself shaking as she stared at Inuyasha’s back. She didn’t understand why he kept pulling away.

‘What… what am I doing wrong?’ Fear ran through her as tears began to spill down her cheeks. She wiped at her cheeks, trying desperately to keep him from noticing, even though she knew it was a futile effort. The salty smell of Kagome’s tears broke through Inuyasha’s desperation, and he pulled his claws out of the tree, shaking it to remove splinters before he turned to her.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. His ears drooped as he faced her. Kagome pushed the hurt down, forcing herself to push it to the side to deal with later… when she was alone. She didn’t want him feeling worse than he obviously already did. She didn’t need that on top of everything else. She crossed to him to him and raised a hand to his cheek.

“For what Yash?” she said softly with a smile as he nuzzled his cheek into her hand before turning and giving a soft lick to her palm. He pulled her close, the lingering scent of her tears blending with the soft smell of decay had him on edge.

“I don’t mean to dishonor you.” He said as he rested his head atop hers. “I just… I lose my head around you.”

Kagome pulled out of his embrace to tilt her head at him.

“What do you mean dishonor me?” she demanded, her voice sharpening before she could reign in her confusion.

He sighed. “I want to court you properly. To respect you.”

She smiled. “Oh Yash.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek before taking his hand and pulling him down the path.

“Come on, walk me to the library?”

“The library?” Inuyasha was confused. “We have training today.”

Kagome pulled away to turn to him. “I can’t Yash. I have a paper due Friday that’s a big portion of my grade, I won’t be able to train until its done.”

He captured her hand again, raising it to place a kiss on the back of it. “Then let me escort you my lady.”

Kagome listened to Inuyasha as he talked about Sesshomaru’s latest exasperation with Jaken and Shippo, who had been joining them that week, the mask of old Kagome slipping once more into place as she smiled.

----------------------

The next two days were a blur, Kagome existed in a sea of caffeine. She could not remember a time when she had had so many cups of coffee, energy drinks, or 5-hour energy shots in such a short period of time. She had not slept in more than forty-eight hours, but she was on page fifteen of the twenty-page paper. Her bedroom looked like a disaster zone, papers and books covered the floor, clothing was tossed on the bed and towards the hamper. The only breaks she allowed herself had been a thirty-minute run to clear her head and taking twenty minutes to force down the food that Inuyasha had brought her Wednesday and Thursday evening. She looked, bleary eyed, at the clock.

It was seven am on Friday… she had seventeen hours to finish the paper, edit it and create the bibliography.

She walked to the kitchen and poured herself another cup of coffee. She downed the cup of coffee in one quick rush and stumbled back to her computer. Just seventeen more hours….

She could do this.

@willowandfog @smmahamazing @clearwillow @sticky-llama-perfection @alannada @shinidamachu @cstormsinukagblog@superpixie42 @nartista @neutronstarchild @i-dream-of-soup @hnnwnchstr @fawn-eyed-girl @ all-my-cuffs-have-buttons @liz8080 @pivora96

#Guardian AU #inspired by Heavinin--hell #ruddcatha #inuyasha #inuyasha fanfiction #inukag #inukag fanfic #Kagome

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kadeupromo · 3 years

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The Star is a shining light in the darkness. Like the goddess of the night, she's the blithe spirit who offers hope, inspiration, and guidance.

Young Miranda aka. Star looks like Michelle Yeoh (actor). She was born August 06, 1916 ; making her 104 years old but she appears 60. This Earth Elementalist is homosexual and a King of Diamonds. She is also the owner of The Palace and a patron of the arts.

BIOGRAPHY;

Born an exceptionally weak Earth Elementalist, Miranda was written off by her parents as an inevitable failure after she was denied entry into the Academy in her teen years. Though her manacore did develop, this was only after years of meditating and several expensive snake oil elixirs. When it became clear Miranda would never be able to move or create more than a stone, her parents shifted their focus from their eldest daughter to their son.

Miranda didn’t mind, she too shifted focus. If she could not be the best elementalist Kadeu had ever seen, she would be the best actor. The hours she used to spend manipulating her mana were now spent studying peoples expressions. How they moved, how they spoke, how they thought. Though she was not a natural empath, she learned enough by her late twenties to convince almost anyone of anything.

After being hired on at the Palace, she soon rose to stardom; even catching the eye of the Palace’s owner: a human woman fourteen years her senior. Though the small amount of mana within Miranda blessed her with (partially) extended age, her eventual spouse wasn’t as lucky. Miranda’s partner passed at the age of 75, leaving the Palace to a 61 year old Miranda.

After taking a break from acting following her spouse’s death, Miranda found she couldn’t get back into the headspace her career required. Instead, she focused on things like directing and running back-end operations. Thanks to both her reputation as an actor and the reputation of the Palace, she eventually rose to the position of Ace of Diamonds. She was demoted on 01 December 2020 to King after Lee Valentina blackmailed the Academy Council into making her the sole Ace.

CONNECTIONS;

Moon Ara — Employee. Actor at the Palace

Kee Yongsun — Employee. Actor at the Palace

Meredith Anne Robin — Ex-Academy Council Member

Lee Valentina (NPC) — Ex-Academy Council Member, Current Ace

This character is open for applications. Any and all aspects of this bio may be changed. Original biography written by Admin Grey.

#lsrp #lsrpg #roleplay #original rp #oc rp #literate rp

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freemeditationclasss-blog · 4 years

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Meditation - The Gateway to the Soul

Meditation is the gateway to the soul. It provides the illuminated path of shifting from the ego self of the soul into spiritual oneness. It is the key to unlocking the ego self of the soul, shifting the energy of the ego self of the soul being one with our soul thereby bring spiritual oneness within us, within our soul. It is within meditation that we shift vibrationally to connect with Spirit. Meditation assists us with our spiritual journey to realize our life's purpose within this life experience. Benefits of meditation, though free from being sought in meditation, are indeed derived from meditation praxis. Some of them include being focused, centered, and grounded - especially amidst the appearance of the illusion called distractions, soul balance and harmony, a deep genuine feeling of calm and relaxation, a continuous state of absoulute love and well-being, a remembering of our connection with all, of all, for all, and in all that is, and an awareness of the one infinite moment.

Meditation is the key to continuously sustaining an inner peace and calm within. Moment to moment meditation enables us to remain connected to the infinite love, infinite knowledge, infinite wisdom, infinite understanding, infinite connection with all, infinite light, even when the perceived craziness of life and of circumstances in life that may occur.

Meditation is simple the act of going within, shifting the energy, and being within. Free from placing any thoughtenergy on the illusion of linear time or space. Free from the perceptions of what we call here on this earth dimension as rules, regulations, or judgments. It is simply being with what is in the present moment and recycling or shifting the energy, our thoughtenergy to reflect that.

Meditation is the tool we utilize to be centered and focused in our life. To enable us to feel the natural joy, peace, absoulute love, and balance flow. Thus, when the perceived storms or hurricanes of life come our way, we will be an observer to the chaos, rather than a participant in it. We are the center of calm and serenity within the eye of the storm. What a marvelous shift from the perception of somehow being separate from life, from everything, and every soul within it! We are free from the perceived need to wear the victim or martyred robes that we were once in axiom with when in a meditative state. When are grounded and centered in the physical body and within the soul in each moment within the one infinite moment, we simply watch the illusionary storm of the ego self of the soul's e-motions (or energy-in-motion to assist us with the re-membering or memory of the soul rememberings through life experience) such as pain or anger, pass through us as it is free from staying in or with us when in a meditative resonance.

We may discover that those souls who are seemingly illusionally stuck in the paradigm we once were, will ask us for a helping hand. This will be our opportunity to help all souls to shift the axioms of they believe they are into spiritual oneness as well. At that moment, we are the presenter or the present er or gifter of this gift, as well as, the receiver of one of the greatest gifts on this earth dimension and of the celestial cosmos... the gift of absoulute love. As this gift of absoulute love and compassion pours from within us, we will be spreading the healing seeds of the soul onto and into this earth dimensions and out into the universal cosmos to illuminate all souls. The beautiful buds and fruits of this gift will then blossom all around us and the shifting of energy will occur through the universal cosmos. We will notice the energy shift in us and our consciousness and in this earth dimension around us as we will to take on an enlightened state of wonderous, awe-inspiring life.

Earth Dimension Duality Ways of Meditation

Spirit shares that in earth dimensional meditation, we are asked to be in axiom with a duality form of meditation. This form of meditation says that there is some sort of steps we are to do, a certain state we are to reach, and a certain way we are to be. Earth dimensional meditation techniques include repetition of an affirmation such as chanting a mantra, or perhaps following our breath, gazing into a candle flame, listening to another souls guided words to us etc. These are done for the sole purpose of training the physical body brain to remain in the present moment and to allow our spirit, our soul to be then guided into being free from the physical body brain being at the forefront. These techniques use a fixed experience outside the physical body to center and attempt to still, quiet, turn off, or somehow push aside the physical body brain and its programs that it runs.

Spirit explains that it is like that of a computer. That the physical body is like a computer and that this computer machine continues to run until just like that computer, we choose to run another program within it. The computer or the physical body machine is free from knowing anything other until we show it another way of perceiving life. What the infinitely spiritual light being reveals with the traditional form of meditation is we are attempting still the physical body brain, something of which is free from being stilled. They bring forth the wisdom that the physical body and the brain which is included within the physical body, is a machine, and that it is programmed to continue to run until we shut it down by sleep. Even during sleep, the physical body maintains an existence so as to keep the heart beating, the breath within it to sustain itself. Thus, we are free from ever stilling the physical body brain.

What in essence occurs within what we call here on this earth dimension as the traditional mediation form, is that we create a vicious cycle of attempting to still something that is free from being meant to still. Through continuous praxis within this way of being, what we call here on this earth dimension as results can and may be felt. However, Spirit says that usually when we meditate in this fashion, we tend to be what is known as distracted either by the machine of physical brain processing thoughtenergies such as "Oh I forgot to do the dishes from dinner" and "I have that report due tomorrow for the boss" and "Oh what will I wear to work tomorrow? Let's see maybe that blouse or this shirt, or maybe... " When these distractions occur, we come into the illusion of the ego self of the soul as "Oh this meditation stuff is for the birds" and we refrain from continuing to develop any form of praxis within meditation at all. Meditation then is seen as a dreaded 'have to if I want to be enlightened' way of life, of which we avoid.

Multi-Dimensional Meditation is All

The infinitely spiritual light being knows that there have been many what we call here on this earth dimension as spiritual masters and mentors whom have brought forth this message of this form of meditation. We thank them for within them bringing this wisdom to us, as it has enabled us to now remember and treasure the spiritual wisdom of multi-dimensional meditation as well.

There were moments for many earth dimension years that I would be within the ego self of the soul with my former husband as he would spend (in this earth dimension concept known as time) hours just what I call 'vegging' in front of the television, even falling asleep with it on. Or he would spend what I called then as "too much time" on the computer playing computer games and such. I used to have huge ego fits about this.

It was when I received the channeled information through the infinitely spiritual light being that I came to shift the axiom that I had held for so long within the ego self of the soul believing that I was somehow separate from him. His computer playing and his television watching immediately placed me back into that little six year old girl who chose a choice to make a 'decision' to cut off her daddy because she believed her did not love her and that she was unworthy of absoulute love which I write of within The soul remembering through life experience in absoulute love. This illusion created yet another illusion that Aaron was doing this to somehow "be separate from me" to mean that I was separate from him, separate from life, and unworthy of absoulute love.

The soul remembering that came forth once I remembered this was astounding to me. Spirit shared with me the wisdom that my former husband was merely meditating. That television watching and computer games were his form of meditation! Wow! It was as if someone had turned on the light inside my soul!! This revelation brought me back to my dad in realizing that what occurred when I was six was just an event that occurred simply for me to has this soul remembering that had just occurred with him, that it was just that I chose to be forget and continue on with my ego fit inside about my dad and about my former husband in reaction to who they were choosing to be.

In this moment of revelation, I chose to shift the axiom of the resonance that I chose to be within choosing to be in that moment and chose to be enlightened, which brought about a way for me to be within the soul remembering through life experience in compassion and in forgiveness of allowing my dad and Aaron to be just as they are free from me having to change or fix them. That they are whole and complete just as they are and how much absoulute love and bliss I feel for them that they are being the light of who they are within this form of meditation. I was then able to for give, give thanks for each of them bringing forth the wisdom of this soul remembering to me and to Spirit for their wisdom as well.

When we choose to view meditation though multi-dimensional spiritual oneness, anything and everything we are and choose to be, can be a meditation. Walking to the bus stop, making dinner, washing your clothes, eating. Reading this book right in this moment is a meditation. These everyday earth dimensional experiences are meditative when we bring a oneness of infinite possibilities and a fullness of our being into our experience.

How much consciousness and presence can we have while we are washing the dishes? What a present, what a gift, within this presence of washing the dishes! Spirit shares with us that in multi-dimensional meditation there are thoughtenergies that pass through the physical body brain, yet we are free from any electrical static clinging to them. We can allow the physical body brain to continue its machinery program, free from having to change or fix it, rather just simply allowing it to be while we continue on with our meditation. It is by simply including and merging the physical body brain within the meditative process that gifts birth to infinite possibilities within mediation. It creates meditation as a FUN (Feeling Universal kNowledge), blissful, joyous, absoulutely loving process. Even cleaning, making dinner, washing and folding a load of laundry can be seen as FUN, blissful, and joyous, as we are 'falling in love with' these very things for the meditative process and spiritual inspiration, being 'In Spirit', that it gifts us with!

Feeling the warm water run across our hands, the sound of scrubbing the pan, the smell of the soap as we clean - the beauty, the awe, and the wonder of this earth dimension looking out the window while we clean - this too is meditation. Meditation is an effortless awakening of the soul through universe multi-dimensional processes here on this earth dimension. Anytime we are concentrating on something even while the thoughtenergy of the machine that is constantly running, we are meditating. We can meditate while walking or moving, lying down, standing and sitting; while silent or speaking. We are free from the "have to's" of sitting in a certain meditative pose as we can be whatever is most comfortable for us in each moment. We are free from having to "quiet" the physical body brain, or reach a certain state. We can simply allow the physical body, the brain within the physical body, and the Soul or Spirit, to co-create together harmoniously as one. Free from being separate entities to be controlled or pushed aside. Free from having to "do" anything, as meditation is always, in all ways, with us and within us. Free to simply be as one.

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mxrcayong · 4 years

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the avatar series: 01.11

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chapter eleven:

In everyday life, Tari normally walked on eggshells. She avoided talking about bending and where she goes once a month for a day. She especially avoided talking about her past. There wasn’t much to tell that wouldn’t reveal her identity.

Although the egg hell feeling is replaced as she now can speak freely - although she’s still reserved out of guilt, everyone else started feeling like they were walking on broken glass. Everyone creeped around the edges, avoiding getting slashed by the jagged glass. Sonan, Kilari, and Doyoung treaded especially carefully – watching every word that left their lips, especially when it related to Johnny or to Tari’s newfound identity.

Bak Mei Island was gorgeous. There was no doubt behind it. From the bright sun unveiling the clear blue sky to the vibrant sunsets, the mesmerizing ocean, the busting winds – it felt like a vacation. The setting definitely helped make the jagged glass feel lighter. However, they felt everything but relaxed as an invisible dark and thick thunder cloud seemed to be following their every move.

The world as they know it is changing, and for the worse. They have no clue what could happen, but they suspect it won’t be good. A sense of impending doom fell upon them, but they couldn’t do anything – at least, not yet. So not only could they sense the impending doom – the loss of culture and life as they know it, but they felt hopeless and useless. They felt it in the pits of their stomachs, in their heart feeling heavy, in their minds constantly racing. They constantly worried about what was happening back home. How were their friends and family? Their co-workers? Their acquaintances? How was Johnny?

To try and distract themselves while Sukiara insisteded on being the one to create a strategy due to “her seniority”, the group often found refuge in the training courtyard. Sonan would prop herself up on the rocks overlooking the ocean, often reading one of the books from the library or practicing fighting with fans. Today, she was not in the mood to practice her fighting and was flipping through the velvet feeling pages of an old diary. On the other hand, Kilari was learning fire bending techniques from Yuta while Doyoung and Jisung played games using their bending together. In particular, Doyoung levitated on the visible floating air ball and chased Jisung around as he tried to create obstacles to obstruct Doyoung’s path.

In the beginning of the three days, Tari was initially practicing with Kilari and Yuta – especially as out of all the elements, she couldn’t master earth and especially fire. Fire bending has always been the most difficult for her. It wasn’t uncommon for the opposite element as the one the Avatar was born in to be the most difficult for them to pick up, but in her head – Tari had a feeling she was doing worse at picking it up than all the other Avatars combined. But, everytime she practiced with them – she swore she could feel Kilari glaring holes into the back of her head. Out of everyone left on the island, Kilari seemed the most upset with her – barely speaking a word with her and avoiding eye contact with her as if Tari was Medusa herself. Trying to get out of the awkward atmosphere, Tari tend to sit next to Sonan.

Alternatively, she could practice with Jisung. But he was too adorable – with his wide smile, lanky frame, and eyes that smile just as wide as his lips. He was only 18 years old – a soon to be high school graduate – and he was roped in with her. His life could be in danger because of her. She wanted him to be happy. He deserved it.

“Whatcha reading?” Tari hummed, plopping down next to the rock Sonan was propped on. As soon as she found a comfortable spot on the blunt rock, she went to pat Ani – who curled herself in a ball at the base of the rock formation. Normally, Ani joined Jisung and Doyoung – Tari swears that Ani loved Jisung the quickest out of anyone else she had met. But she spent all day chasing them around, joining in with the games, and took a seat with Sonan.

Sonan held up an old leather diary that Tari remembered from her past life. “You know all about this, huh?” Sonan teased, making Tari nod and awkwardly chuckle. “Well, technically, you lived it.” Tari awkwardly scratched the back of her neck, still feeling guilty for not telling them sooner. And Sonan saw it; from Tari glancing away and fumbling in her pocket for her phone. “Babe, you know we love and care about you – Avatar or not. Yeah, we felt lied to… but we care about your comfort overall. I would hate to force you into something you didn’t want to do.”

“Why is Kilari not happy with me then?” Tari sighed, looking down at the floor. “And why did Johnny leave?” She knew that Sonan and Doyoung started treating her like normal again, making her heart feel full and her worries subside. Funnily enough, Doyoung has even been happier to be friends with her – saying ‘I finally have another air bender friend’ and begging her to do meditations with him as a daily ritual in their home.

The eldest friend in their friend group let out a small smile, her hand immediately going to Tari’s back to rub it in an attempt to comfort her. “You know Kilari…she’s hardheaded and hot tempered. And Johnny? He just need time.” Sonan let out a small smile, “We love you Tari. You are the Avatar, but that doesn’t change your personality. And them finding out…doesn’t change the fact both are quite quick-tempered”

Tari was never the best at receiving comforting or kind words. So, she swapped the topics. “He said he’s going back for journalism, right?” She pulled out her phone and started swiping, refreshing the Sooman Chronicles online newspaper for what felt like the thousandth time this day alone. “He hasn’t posted anything.” Johnny has yet to respond to any of their messages or calls. Their only update about him was the day he left, where Hendery messaged Tari if she was safe and then quickly transitioning to why she didn’t accompany her ‘boyfriend’ to the café. Sonan sighed, “At least we know for sure that he’s safe. If anything happens, it’d be posted.” But she noticed Tari’s face; from the way her leg is twitching, and her teeth nibbled on her bottom lip.

“But you’re not worried about only that, are you?”

“What if he tells people…you-know?”

“Tari!” Sonan lightly slapped Tari’s shoulder, making even Ani whine in response. “You know Johnny more than that. He loves you, babe. Potentially more ways than one,” Tari rolled her eyes. If he did, he definitely doesn’t anymore, she thought. Sonan and Kilari would always tease her about Johnny. It only started a year into their friendship; when Johnny first slept over at her and Doyoung’s place. As this was before they had their routine set up, Johnny fell asleep in Tari’s bed with her – his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Doyoung had snapped thousands of pictures and used it as blackmail for the longest time. “He would never do this to you.”

“But he’s a journal-“

“Tari, you know Johnny’s character arguably one of the best out of this group.” Sonan chastised, “And I even know he would never do that. He cares about you too much.”

The Avatar sighed, finally admitting Sonan was right. All whilst, she just kept judging herself for being dumb. I know him, right? She thought, I shouldn’t have thought of him like this. “I just wish he responded.” This, besides the time Tari disappeared in the Spirit World for a week, was the longest time she went without a word from Johnny and it’s driving her insane.

“Tari, bend with us!” Yuta called after laughing at Jisung’s reaction to another trick Doyoung pulled out. Jisung was quite literally the shocked emoji; his eyes the widest Tari has seen them, his jaw on the floor, and frozen in his spot. As air benders focused on peace, most bending techniques can be altered into smaller tricks; like making a mini tornado in their finger tips or flying. Of course, air benders can fight – it’s just they prefer not to. She hesitated; scanning Kilari’s face which automatically dropped from its smile to an annoyed look at the mention of her name. Despite Kilari’s obvious annoyance, Sonan kept patting Tari’s shoulder to encourage her to go there.

“I need to focus on this!” Sonan laughed, “I’ll write down questions to ask you later anyway.” She leaned in slightly. “Kilari will lighten up, maybe spending time with her with help.” She whispered harshly, continuing to push her.

Not worth the risk. Fire bending always scared Tari. One wrong move and someone can be scarred forever. In fact, Tari is still wondering about the burn mark around Johnny’s wrist. Is it still there? I hope it goes away. If Kilari is mad at her – and Tari knows she can be impulsive and hot headed, could she do anything against Tari? Maybe I deserve it though. She kept fighting herself in her own mind. She must’ve looked like a buffering game character, stuck between standing up from the rock or staying.

Time to get out of here. “I think I’ll go meditate.” She let out an awkward smile. Doyoung immediately volunteered to join her. He must be really missing Sooman City air temple.

Aang was the last air bender of his time, but when he had children – he did produce an air bender, Tenzin. Luckily enough, air bending is different from all the other bending types. Air bending is more spiritual – hence why there are air nomads. Air nomads, with time, could eventually become air benders. It’s unlikely, but it’s more likely that their children will be inclined to air bending due to their parents’ deep spiritual connection. Doyoung was an example of this. This is the reason to why he made sure to visit the Air Temple every day to do at least an hour of meditation with his friends like Mark and Renjun.

Sonan rolled her eyes at Tari avoiding conflict, making Tari roll her eyes back in a mocking manner. With a small wave, Tari jumped off the rock formation. Ani was quick to follow her, her four paws pattering on the ground as they walked towards Doyoung. Together, the three made their way into the main temple. However, on their way, a hand wrapped around Tari’s wrist.

“You okay?” Yuta asked, his eyes full of concern. Tari nodded and smiled – one that didn’t convince Yuta at all. “I’m here to talk.” Her gaze dropped to the ground. She was unaware of Yuta’s broad and expansive knowledge; one that includes reading people and body language.

“It’s fine.” She said behind gritted teeth, staring at how Yuta is barefoot and avoiding his eyes. “I just need to meditate.”

Sitting on the top floor of the main temple, Doyoung and Tari were greeted by the normal meditation room. It was a glorious one – something Doyoung could only imagine having if he was rich and famous. There were small stools for them to sit on, the wooden paneled walls contained black and red religious and historical paintings of how the Spirit World has been described. This would be the third day in a row Doyoung came up here, but he’s still enchanted by it.

Despite his enchantment, his priority was Tari.

“You’re not okay.” He said bluntly, as he took a seat on the stool – Ani finding a comfortable spot between the two stools the two benders decided to occupy. “I can read you like the back of my hand, what’s up?”

Tari sighed. Sonan, yes, was like her mother. But Doyoung? Doyoung was her best friend she could spill anything and everything to. She didn’t have to worry about concerning Doyoung like she would with Sonan. If she concerned Sonan, Sonan would treat her like a fragile glass doll. Yes, Doyoung does similar actions to take care of her – but he’s also brutally honest. His words were ones that come without safety bags. Doyoung and her were roommates – they told each other literally everything that happened throughout the day, even if it was finding a pebble on the ground. Funnily enough, they started a ‘strange pebble collection’ as a result of a conversation on that topic. Doyoung’s favorite? One that looks like a middle finger.

“Johnny.” Tari’s hand found its way nuzzled into Ani’s fur, patting her comfortably. Every Avatar has an animal guide – Aang’s was Appa, Roku’s was his dragon. Ani happened to be her’s. Unlike the other Avatar guides, Ani couldn’t really travel across seas. However, Ani was the best guidance Tari had. Just the feeling of her soft fur between her fingers could comfort her. She found a part of her felt missing when she didn’t take Ani with her to the city. The only reason Bak Mei even resembled home was because Ani was here. “I’m just worried he’s not okay and that I lost him forever.”

Doyoung shook his head. “Dude, Johnny is whipped for you. You wouldn’t lose him like that.” Tari rolled her eyes, ignoring the shock that rippled through her. Doyoung even thought that? “And he’s literally one of the most capable people we know, if not the most. He’s not a bender, but that makes him safer right now. And he’s strong as shit.”

“Yeah, I guess I’m being silly.”

“I guess.” Doyoung mocked. “Tari, you know I always got your back, okay?” He sighed. “It hurt me initially you couldn’t trust me with this, but you told us why and I understood…with time. It’s definitely too much power to get your head wrapped around as a four-year-old. Not to mention, you didn’t stay in a true home for more than a few years.” His hand went to Ani as well, both of them patting her in synchronization. “I understand, Sonan understands. But people like Kilari and Johnny, who both can be a bit stubborn, may take a bit to wrap around it.”

“Not going to lie,” Tari changed topics slightly, her laughing to cover up her sadness, “I feel bad for Jisung and Yuta meeting us now.”

Doyoung let out a laugh, “It definitely will be a story for them to tell.” He teased, rolling his eyes. “But I do have to say, I’m surprised Kilari isn’t flirting with him. She would talk such a big game about him in NCT.” A sadness filled the room when they thought of the theater that now is in ruins; a place they’d always go to now destroyed. All the future memories they were hoping to have there are ruined.

“Maybe she’s playing the long-haul game.” Tari teased back. “She has been crushing on him for a while, rather than her usual hook ups.”

Doyoung shrugged, “But I do have to say, you guys seem close.”

Tari let out a sound that symbolized her lack of opinion on this subject. “He’s just very sweet. I’m really grateful he’s here.”

“I bet you are.” Doyoung winked and wiggled his eyebrows, now turning to sit in his proper position to prepare to meditate. Tari’s jaw dropped as she laughed, playfully slapping him – making him recoil. “I swear, I’m always the one getting attacked in this group.”

“Now you sound like Johnny!”

“You both bully me!” Doyoung defended.

Tari’s eyes widened, laughing. “We both bully him!” Doyoung was about to argue back, but Tari stopped him. “Okay, we all bully each other. But it’s the beauty of friendship.”

Doyoung playfully rolled his eyes, however hummed in agreement. He couldn’t wait for life to get back to normal; to where he, Johnny, and Tari could just relax in their homes with no thoughts other than about what they could do next.

Dinners at Bak Mei Island often was more traditional food. Each cook has specialized in a certain nation’s menu and would alternate in being head chefs. The menu, however, would consist of mains from that nation and side dishes from other nations’ traditional cuisine.

As a result, today was focused on fire nation traditional food and glasses of milk were ready for Jisung, Doyoung, and Sonan. The main dishes were dry noodles, roast duck, and peanut noodle soup. All spicy. The side dishes included rice, cabbage, dumplings, seaweed, bean curd puffs, and sweet buns. The dessert options centered on Wagashi deserts and tart pies.

It worked like a regular canteen; the group of them would each grab a tray, wait in line, and choose one main with three sides. They also had the option for one dessert and as many drinks as they would like.

“By spicy, how spicy you mean?” Jisung was obviously frightened by the glass of milk practically forced upon him by the head chef of tonight. His eyes were widened, his mouth was slightly open, and his breathing was labored.

Yuta cackled, having been raised on this food. Kilari pulled her lips back, leaving an awkward look on her face. Tari, however, had no clue what to tell him. “Ji, it’s spicy. But I’ve seen you eat spicy food before.”

“So, I’d be fine?”

Yuta gave Tari a warning look, as if secretly telling her that Jisung cannot handle this. “Uhm, maybe keep the milk…” She tried to encourage Jisung without worrying him more while the head chef scooped a large portion of noodles into a bowl. “For safety.” Jisung practically went as white as a sheet.

The dining hall was humongous, designed for the cases where they would be visited by the government or by other important members of the bending communities. However, the number of people who live on this ginormous island was approximately fifteen. There were at least two hundred seats in this dining hall. Everyone would sit together or in small groups. Often, they sat with Tari – they were the family Tari knew. They’ve seen her grow up from this small child to a mature young lady. But since her friends were here, they avoided them like the plague and sat way back in the canteen.

As soon as they plopped down in the seats, Jisung wasn’t the only one as white as the milk he’d later need. Tari’s ringtone echoed throughout the hall and she quickly responded.

“Hey Roddie, what’s up?” Once those words left her lips – a perfect coincidence happened. Johnny popped through the door, however, went unnoticed as he lined up for his food.

“I saw your name on a list. Be wary please.” Roddie warned.

“What do you mean? What list?” Tari asked, her eyebrows furrowing. The slurping of noodles from everyone around her slowed down, everyone wondering what is causing the distressed look on Tari’s face.

As Roddie explained her news, Johnny had approached the table. Everyone jumped up – except for Tari who’s still trying to understand the news Roddie is telling her. She gave him a forced smile in greeting as everyone (other than Yuta and Jisung) tackled him in a hug – a smile that was responded to with a straight face, despite the concern radiating from his eyes.

Once the greetings were traded, Johnny let out an exasperated sigh and sat down. “I have some bad news, but Tari would need to hear this.”

“Alright, thank you Roddie. I’ll…I’ll talk to you later.” Tari put down the phone and stared at the wooden table they were eating on, still dumbfounded by what she heard. “I think I heard it.”

Johnny sighed but his tone was harsh, “Then you should already know that you are all in danger. Every Bender is. Tari is especially.”

Tari finally glanced up to Johnny, whose eyes were blood shot and exhausted – but worried and caring. Despite the slight coldness that came from it, they still felt like home. “How did you find out?”

“Roddie gave me a lead.” He shrugged. “I just investigated it. But we also need to tell Sukiara.”

Kilari groaned, “You just got here and we all just got food. Can we go after food?”

Tari sighed. As soon as the breath left her lips, Kilari sent daggers her way. “Sukiara should be coming down here soon.” She looked up at Johnny once more – his eyes showed betrayal, her heart felt penetrated by the daggers Kilari sent and killed by the betrayal in his eyes. “Johnny, you need to eat… An hour or two won’t hurt.”

Her priority was them. It’ll always be them.

request anything for future parts / penny for your thoughts here

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onlinemeditationlessons-blog · 4 years

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Meditation - The Gateway to the Soul

Earth Dimension Duality Ways of Meditation

Multi-Dimensional Meditation is All

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universally-the-same · 4 years

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The link between perfectionism and escapism

Another benefit to therapy is that it’s allowed me to start connecting the dots to behavior patterns in my life. After making these realizations, I’m seeing how important it is to look for and recognize these patterns. If you want to make a change in your life, or better understand why it is that you do what you do, look for the patterns. There’s so much more to their story that what you see up front.

Perfectionism I’ve always admitted to being a perfectionist, but never really considered how extensively that theme played out in my life. It’s not just perfectionism in tasks, or the “all or nothing” tendency that I have when I start a new diet, or start working out. It’s more expansive and all encompassing than that. Katie used the word hyper-focus which sums it up perfectly. My fourteen year-old-self would have used the word obsessive, but I like the word hyper-focus better. I feel like it removes any preconceived negative notions that comes along with this level of perfectionism.

Throughout my life there has always been something that I’m hyper-focused on. Mostly the object of my focus has been something that has benefited me positively on some level, though thinking back there were times where I became hyper-focused on my woes as well.

I think back to my idolization of Dolly Parton and Jean Smart, and my obsessive friendship with Jean’s publicist. I think back to the guy I was fixated on at the mall and how my BFF and I would go and spend hours every Friday night hanging out in the music section of Sears so that I could be the object of his attention. These are just a few of the examples off the top of my head that consumed me for years growing up.

When I would allow myself to feel into my reality, I would blare my music and feel every lyric and every note of every song. I would relate to the music, and allow it to engulf me in sadness. It was this crazy extreme of feeling alone, yet knowing that I wasn’t because someone else could articulate what I was feeling.

This, however led to a summer where I became fixated on poetry. I poured my heart and my tears onto paper as I expressed my feelings in a rhythmic fashion. In one summer I wrote close to 80 poems.

As I grew older, country line-dancing became my obsession and 6 nights out of the week you would find me on the dance floor; a social butterfly feeling into the music once again; but this time allowing it to engulf me in joy.

When I met my husband, I threw myself into our relationship and lost sight of everything else. Many years into our marriage, when I began to acknowledge that I had lost a part of myself I went back to school. Not only in hopes of finding a better job, but because I believed that it would help fill that hole. It did, because I became obsessed with school. I graduated top of my class.

When I wasn’t throwing myself into my schoolwork, I was throwing myself into my work-work and winning awards for top sales there. But once I finished my Associates and Bachelor’s degrees, I had nothing to fixate on, work was miserable, and once again that void in my soul made it’s presence known.

It was during this time that I decided to finally listen to the voice in my head that had been suggesting therapy. Through therapy I found meditation, which allowed me to reconnect with my soul and I reconnected with my spirituality again.

I was able to start learning how to control my anxiety though meditation and mindfulness, and also by releasing some of my perfectionist tendencies. I began realizing that it didn’t matter what other people thought, it only mattered what I thought. This earth-shattering news allowed me to start loving myself which opened the door for me being able to start trusting myself again.

Five years later, the rabbit hole has gotten deeper and deeper, but I’ve been loving every second of it. Some might say that I’ve become somewhat hyper-focused on this whole process. While I don’t necessarily agree, because I believe that self-work is some of the most important work you could ever do, would that really be such a bad thing? And let’s be honest, it’s never been about being a “bad thing”. My perfectionism was actually a blessing in disguise.

I’m now learning that my hyper focus had been a means of survival for me; a coping mechanism. You see, my hyper focus tendency, I’ve come to learn, is another form of escapism for me. By becoming consumed by the task/object at hand, it has allowed me to not have to focus on other things in my life that may not have been so pleasant, such as my childhood with my mother.

Escapism All of the people/things listed above were all forms of escapism for me. But as I go further, I realize that there were more. My best friend and I played with Barbies until we were 16 growing up. Yes, I feel funny admitting to that, but this is one of the ways that I coped with my reality. The intricate story lines that we would play out allowed me to escape. I could become someone who was beautiful, had the perfect body, was popular, had an amazing singing voice, was confident, had a wonderful boyfriend… these were all things that I didn’t have, and all things that I wanted.

And it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t acknowledge the role that food played into all of this. After the divorce, things were hard. I was living a life of alternating extremes. On one hand, I had my mother’s house that was full of strict rules with severe consequences resulting in physical and mental abuse. On the other hand, my dad was working three jobs to take care of me and afford to send me to private school. This meant that I was often home by myself, unsupervised.

I spent my weeks with my father dreading going back to my mother’s house, and the weeks with my mother were spent wishing I could be at my dad’s house. Food became a source of comfort, escapism and an area of my life that I could control.

Growing up, my earliest “diet mentality” that I was introduced to comes from my father trying to teach me portion control in a deli when I wanted a small bag of chips. I was probably around the age the 7. The deal ended up being that I could get the chips, but the trade off was that I couldn’t eat the whole bag. Now, this isn’t a ridiculous trade-off, and I don’t think that my father did anything wrong. I know that everything was out of concern for me and my well being, as well as trying to prevent me from enduring what he had as an chubby teenager, but it’s also the first time in my life that food became “restrictive” or a “bad thing”.

One of the thought processes behind intuitive eating is that once the “restriction” is removed from the food, the desire and the need to have that food becomes less. That “forbidden item” just becomes… food. And once it becomes “just food” the need to binge on that particular food source lessens because you know you’ll have it again. (Not saying that intuitive eating is a free-for-all, and I as I continue to learn about the process, I will continue to explain more) but I do believe that those “rules” and “restrictions” toward food (along with a cocktail of other mitigating factors) set me up for my life long relationship with it.

Now, back to this idea of finding an area of my life that I could control. As I mentioned, half of my post-divorce life was spent with unreasonable, rigid rules the other half was freedom. In some ways, food became a drug and a means of escapism.

It literally allowed me to escape because I would sneak off to the 7-11 that was several blocks away, or I would sneak off to the little convenience store by one of our favorite breakfast places. There was adventure, and excitement, a thrill in getting the food. And then when I got it, eating it released endorphins that made me feel happy and safe.

In previous posts, I’ve talked about how the only happy memories I have with my mother are surrounding food, and how food also provided me nurture and nourishment. So it served so many purposes, and really.. it did a great job. I had opportunities to try different recreational substances during this period in my life, but thankfully, I never felt the need to escape from these, because I had found my escape from something else.

What this means today After explaining all of that, someone could look at my life today and think… what could she possibly have to escape from now? And it’s true… I’m very grateful for the life I have. Is it perfect? Of course not, but I recognize what I do have and focus on that. I’ve always been a positive person and my optimism also allows me to thrive because I don’t focus on the bad.

But that’s not to say that I don’t have bad days. And when I get sick, or get into a fight with someone, or I’m stressed out at work, or stressed out because a family member is sick, or there’s a ten-thousand dollar home repair that needs to be done on that I have to miraculously make the funds appear for… I mean… the list goes on and on. And let’s be real… it’s normal life stuff. The stuff that each and everyone of us deals with every day.

That’s this stuff that still triggers what has become a subconscious reaction in my body. When there is some level of stress, be it mental, physical, emotional, and I’m sure even spiritual, my body goes into survival mode. It’s what it’s spent the last 32 years doing. And now, I have to somehow retrain that subconscious response.

It’s going to be challenging, for sure. But for the first time in my life, I’ve been gifted with an incredible amount of insight into an area of my life where I’ve been searching for answers for so long. That insight allows for a whole other level of self-awareness. I’m now realizing how deep my relationship with food runs. It’s more than a source of fuel for my body. It’s been a literal means for survival on many levels.

*this blog post was originally posted on my My Curvy Journey blog on 4/14/2019 and moved to my Universally the Same blog.

#escapism #hyper focus #hyper-focus #intuitive eating #patterns #perfectionism #therapy

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thiscrimsonsoul · 4 years

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Hello Wanda! Could you tell us a bit more about how your rituals work? Unless they are too personal, of course. My mother likes crystals, tarot and incense, and she's a bit "witch" in that sense. (Please mun, use a Wanda with an Alive!Pietro for this answer because otherwise she might talk about prayers for her brother and I will get REALLY sad!)

“They are personal, while I am doing them, but I don’t mind talking about how they’re done. And why. A large part of it is making and maintaining an altar for myself. People keep and use altars for many different reasons, and it really is what you choose to make it. What you put on it, what you do on it, what you use it for, what purpose it serves for you in your life... it’s all unique to you and your needs. For me, my altar is a way of creating home wherever I go. One can be made from the most basic of materials if necessary, it an be made in a small space, and wherever I set one up, at least for that little bit of space in the corner of some room or outside somewhere, there is a calm and safe space for me to ground myself and get my thoughts in order.”

“If I am settling down to live somewhere for a while, I will make an altar on a little table of some kind, made of a natural material like wood if I can find one, against a wall and usually in a corner. I leave my altar displayed all the time, although the things I place on it may change according to what I am using it for. I prefer to pray at night, and I use candles and even other strings of lights if I have them available to create the right kind of atmosphere. There really is no specific way to make an altar, although there are some longstanding traditions that most hold to, but for me, I like it to be dark when I pray, but for the glow of candles or other lights that create the right kind of mood for me. I feel closer to the spirit world in that kind of lighting and with the use of candles and sage, so that’s the environment I try create for myself.”

"Natural materials are traditionally used for altar components, so things made of wood, glass, or metal as opposed to plastics, although I do like strings of lights to create a soothing atmosphere. I use a glass bowl of water to represent the water element, a bowl of salt or soil to represent earth, one candle in particular to represent fire, and a sage smudging stick to represent air or wind, made visible by the trail of smoke that results when the stick is lit and then lightly blown on. It depends on what I have available wherever I am making the altar, but sometimes I will have a candle for my parents that I only light when I pray for them, or sometimes I will have stones like natural quartz that can absorb negative energy and later be taken outside and grounded again.. If I can find the bones of something that died naturally, perhaps the skull of a bird or small rodent for example, to represent the cycle of life and death and bring in that connection to my own mortality and to the spirit world, I will incorporate that as well.”

“Once I have my altar set up, I spend some time with it, maybe an hour or two, just clearing my mind or meditating lightly, not really doing anything specific with it. If I do have something like quartz, I will periodically move it around the altar to sort of equalize any spikes or oddities in energy that might be lingering around the materials and objects I’ve placed on the altar. I’ll hold it in my hands and try to let go of any stress or bad thoughts I’m having, so that I don’t affect the energy I want surrounding my altar. Something else that helps me do this is the use of a bell or singing bowl.”

“I can ring the bell or make the bowl sing to create a tone that lingers in the air and during which I can close my eyes and focus on nothing but the sound. It helps me focus and let go of whatever thoughts are jumbling up everything in my mind. The idea is to come to the altar feeling peaceful and calm and to not bring negativity like stress, anger, or grief to it. One should never pray while in the grip of extreme emotions, I feel, because it causes one to think and want and wish for things they oughtn’t.”

“When I feel comfortable with my altar, like it’s my safe space to pray as I wish, I can begin using it. There are a lot of different things I do with it. Grounding myself, shedding extremes of emotion or negative thoughts, is only one of the things I use it for. I do sometimes use it for holidays, for example placing a menorah on it for Hanukkah, or placing seasonal leaves and wood on it to mark the changing seasons, so its appearance and construction will change as the year progresses. But there are things I use it for on a more regular basis as well.”

“I do pray for my parents, that their souls are at peace and that I am living as they would have wished, with their values and courage. I pray as much for the welfare and happiness of their spirits as I do simply to honor and remember them. I pray for my grandparents in a similar manner. They all died before I was four, but I still remember them and wish for their continued peace. To pray for those I have lost, I usually designate a candle I will light only for them. While it is lit, I may speak to them, or merely sit and remember them, the good times I had with them and all that they taught me. When I feel I have done enough to honor them or to comfort myself in remembering them, I will say goodbye to them for now and blow out the candle.”

“I pray for my brother and others I care about who are still living. Pietro... often finds himself in danger, just because of who he is, and so I pray to certain patron deities and spirits of protection and guidance that he might be kept safe and granted wisdom when he needs it. To do this sort of ritual, I may have a little statue or other object that represents the deity or spirit or something that they stand for. I pace that on my altar and then speak my prayers aloud. Sometimes I will make an offering of something they would like or value, or again something that represents their power or perhaps an animal or element they are associated with. After I pray, I will leave the object there on the altar, usually until morning. I often will have begun to burn a new candle that I will allow to burn down and out on its own. Then I will take the object outside and place it on the ground to release the energy that was infused into it during my prayers, freeing it to act.”

“Sometimes... I will seek guidance from a patron deity... or God himself. I do this very sparingly, as I would never think so much of myself as to believe I am important enough to warrant the gods’ attention on a regular basis. However, sometimes I feel very lost and need some kind of direction. For this sort of ritual, I will use the smudging stick or other dried herbs in a bow to create smoke.”

“Making sure that there are no drafts and that I sit far enough away so that my breath doesn’t affect the smoke, I may ask questions or speak my fears and confusions to the smoke, invoking whatever lesser deity, spirit, or perhaps God to help guide me through them. The gods are never fully clear in their answers. They speak in signs, in symbols, and in gut feelings. The smoke may change slightly in smell, it may make shapes that represent figures or words or other symbols, or it may crane or flicker intelligently in response to certain things that I say. It takes a bit of trust and interpretation, but the gods are usually kind to me in offering some sort of response. And quite honestly, if I feel I have gotten no response, that in itself is still an answer, for they are saying I do not need their guidance and am capable of handling the situation on my own. That can be comforting in itself.”

“I suppose those are the major things I pray for and to, and the major rituals I perform. They are mostly mental in nature, even with the few physical components I use. It’s a lot of focusing of thought, mind over matter, and believing fully in the power of nature and natural materials as well as the power and love of the gods that surround you.”

“Pietro does not do this sort of ritual work on this own. He does not keep an altar, although he knows I do and know what everything on it symbolizes for me. Sometimes, if he sees me praying, he will sit beside me and join me. Truthfully, I prefer to pray alone, but he is the one exception. He takes my depth of belief very seriously, even if his own is perhaps not as strong, and he is always respectful. Pietro never disrupts me or the energy surrounding my altar, and so if he wishes to come and pray with me, I welcome his presence. He can usually tell the basic nature of who I’m praying to and why by what is on my altar at the time, and sometimes he joins in without saying a word. I... I like it when he does that. I feel like my prayers are only made more powerful by having the one person I love more than anything in the world beside me while I offer them.”

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