𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧
Steve doesn't really like the holidays, but he likes you. So, he makes some concessions. Rainbow lit, tinsel-covered, pine tree-smelling concessions.
6k words, christmas centric, fem!reader who celebrates christmas, mutual pining, gingerbread houses, mistletoe, ugly sweaters, friends to lovers, idiots in love, allusions to s4.
❆
Steve hates Christmas. He doesn't want to get into it and he won't, not when you love it the way that you do — quietly, and yet every movement hints at your excitement.
Your hands are basically shaking when he lugs the new box onto the desk. It's adorable.
"Thank you for doing this," you say, meeting his eyes and sending him one of your too-nice smiles. Kind that makes him nervous and sick and excited all at once.
"I don't know why you're so eager. They're the same cheese-fests this year as last year," he says.
You lean over the counter enough for him to smell your perfume. "That's not true. You said you have The Christmas Star, right?"
"Ten whole copies."
He pulls open the cardboard box and digs for your desired tape. The case is cardstock and crisp with newness, and it squeaks as he pulls it up and displays it against his chest.
You beam. "Yes. How much? Expensive 'cos it's new?"
"Not with the employee discount," he says, placing the tape down neatly.
Your smile turns shy. Steve has always thought you were pretty, in the same way he thinks that grass is green and stars shine at night, but lately you've turned to a sweetness that has his teeth aching if he thinks about it, all manner of terrible emotions flooding his idiot brain. Jealousy, protectiveness, and — he shudders — affection. Even now he's tempted to round the desk and make up an excuse to touch your arms, or your hands. Your face.
"Thanks, Steve," you say softly.
"Of course. There has to be one pro to working in this dump, right?"
"Is it a dump? It looks super clean."
He hesitates. "We had to fix it up. Holiday decorations are coming in tomorrow."
"Make that today!"
You both turn to see Robin struggling out of the back room, two boxes held in her arms and hiding her face. She stumbles to the desk and Steve leaps to help her, unveiling her grinning face. There's a meanness to her eyes that Steve abores.
"Well, yesterday. Keith says they got here last night, which means today is officially the first day of Family Video Christmas."
"It's November," Steve says, narrowing his eyes.
"Thirty first!"
Robin pries open one of the huge boxes and thrusts both hands in unafraid, pulling out streams of green and silver tinsel like festive innards. Her eyebrows jump up. "Nice," she says appreciatively.
"I almost wish I worked here."
"You can stay and help," Steve says.
Your laughter makes his chest hurt. "I can't. I have decorating to do all by myself next door." You straighten your Palace Arcade polo and your black, plain skirt. "Do I look okay?"
Steve has a terrible lapse in judgement wherein he thinks about telling you exactly how you look, lips pressed together ready to make a 'b' sound, but he stops himself in the nick of time. Friends don't really do that.
"You look fucking adorable," Robin says, having wrapped the tinsel around her neck in a makeshift scarf. She sparkles as she turns to Steve. "Doesn't she?"
"Adorable," he says tightly.
You scratch under your ear. "Thank you.”
You promise to come back at the end of the day for The Christmas Star and escape before Robin can poke fun at your shyness.
The door closes behind you and Steve buries his face in his hands. His cheeks are hot.
"That was pretty bad. Better, though," Robin says, an air of genuineness about her that he knows she doesn't truly possess.
Steve scrubs a hand through his hair, temper welled to the surface quick and uncomfortable as usual. He pushes it down and turns away from Robin and the glaringly bright Christmas decorations rather than say something snappy that she doesn't strictly deserve.
"Maybe by Christmas you'll be able to look her in the eye."
"Maybe by Christmas I'll have friends I actually like."
"Points for quickness," she cheers. Steve can feel her moving to stand beside him. "But ultimately weak."
"It could happen."
"Could it?"
He rolls his eyes and starts to log The Christmas Star under his name for you. Employees get pretty good privileges, like reduced rates and nulled late fees. You could keep it 'til the 25th, if that's what you want.
Robin drapes tinsel over his shoulders. "I really, genuinely think that, despite your bad posture, your hair, your clothes," — Steve scoffs — "and your dismal taste in movies, she likes you."
He's so distracted by her (mostly) joking insults that he doesn't quite hear the end. Then, when it sinks in, his incredulity lends itself to a new target.
"What?"
"Steve," Robin says flatly.
"She likes me?"
"I think so. She's not coming in here every day for me."
"How should I know? I'm not exactly a good judge of it."
Robin taps her foot against his. They're overly familiar if not overly affectionate friends, and he relents in his bad mood, pulling the tinsel from his shoulders with a dejected sigh.
"I doubt it. She was excited about the new movies." Not me. He doesn’t think you'll be back tomorrow.
"Why aren't you excited?" Robin asks.
"You know I don't like the holidays." His agitation is clear in his annoyed hand gestures, fingers furling and unfurling. "Weeks of torture. Cranky moms walking around like somebody shoved a candy cane up their-"
"Steve, that's like, ten percent of the holiday season! There's a bazillion other things to like about Christmas."
He snorts. "Like what?"
—
Steve doesn't know how she managed it, but Robin has someone orchestrated the older gaggle of their friends to sit down anywhere but next to him. When you arrive, late and full of abashed apologies, the only seat empty is the chair to his right.
You collapse beside him and the December chill outside follows you. Cold emanates off of your clothes. You peel out of your black denim jacket and press the back of your hand to his.
"Cold, huh?" you ask.
He swallows around nothing. "Cold."
Your touch lingers. If he were your boyfriend, he'd take your cold hands in both of his and blow on them generously. He'd rub your stiff knuckles until they were loose and your fingers limp.
Robin opens her arms and a half a dozen boxes clatter into the middle of the table, upside down and on their sides. Steve turns his head to read the font, and then promptly sits up.
"No," he says.
"Steve," Robin pleads, already turned away to retrieve a wicker basket full of candy. "Don't be a loser."
"Too late," Eddie says, painted nails digging into the cardboard flap of his box.
"You don't want to make one?" you ask Steve.
"Gingerbread houses are a little elementary school, aren't they?" Steve turns to Jonathan imploringly. "You agree, right?"
"No," Jonathan says with a laugh. "Me and Will still make them every year. El's getting good at them, too."
"Will made one with a door that opens last year," Nancy says, pride for her boyfriend's brother clear in her pert smirk.
Steve rolls his eyes. "That's good for him, and I mean it, but why are we doing this? Tell me there's beer, at least."
"Yes!" Eddie cheers, slapping his thigh. "Harrington, you're finally saying something I can get behind. I have a little something extra in the van, just say the word."
"There's beer," Nancy says emphatically.
Eddie pretends to die in his chair. You giggle like crazy at his dramatics and set about opening your box, fanning gingerbread walls and roof panelling out over the table.
Steve feels old resentment for Eddie bubble up like it never left. He wants to be the one who makes you laugh like that, all sweet and secret like you're trying not to make a fuss but you just can't help it. The resentment fades when you reach across from him and open a second box, laying supplies out in front of him one by one.
"I think we should be a team," you tell him.
"That's not fair," Eddie says.
"Can it, Munson-"
"We can all be teams," Robin says, returning with a blessedly cold six pack, three piping bags, and a handful of metal tips. "You two, me and Eddie, Nancy and Jonathan."
Steve doesn't miss her suggestive eyebrow wiggle, and neither does anybody else. You turn to Steve in confusion. He shakes his head vigorously in a rapid and untrue show of I don't know, arm weaving under yours to bring your attention to the bigger piece of gingerbread. "This is the floor, right?"
Steve’s surprised by how good of a team you turn out to be. Your gingerbread house takes shape slowly. Steve holds the pieces in place and you apply the icing seams like caulking, smoothing the lines out with your index finger and licking it clean. You’re a picture of happiness, happy jabbering interspersed between singing along to the Christmas songs on the radio and warding off insincere insults sent your way.
"My grandma can decorate better than that, and she's pushing ninety. She has glaucoma."
“Cut the shit talking, Eddie,” you warn, flicking him with a jellybean. It hits his neck, and his retribution comes in five more aimed at your gingerbread house.
The sides wobble unsurely.
Steve frosts the roof, assuming it’ll be easy. It isn’t easy at all, and soon any cuteness you’ve made is ruined by his ugly hatching. He winces, then frowns, then glares, eyebrows furrowed in agitation.
Jonathan and Nancy are the ones to beat. Both nerds, both neat. Jonathan’s an artist and it’s obvious he does this every year, their house made up of pretty white swirls and gem decorated doors and windows. They're bantering quietly, insincere declarations that make Steve jealous — not of Jonathan, exactly, but of their relationship as a whole. They fit together in a way Steve and Nance never had. They’re effortless.
Robin and Eddie make a good go of it, surprisingly. Steve had expected Eddie to throw the competition before he could lose, and hates to be proven wrong. Dorks combined with too much imagination, their gingerbread house has become a sort of macabre scene with a dead gingerbread man outlined in the snow surrounding, and icing stalagmites rise under the roof’s overhang.
You pull your chair in as close to Steve’s as you can, your knee pressed into his thigh and your elbow glancing off of his bicep every time you place a jellybean.
“There,” you say, pulling back. “That looks awesome, doesn’t it?”
It’s a hot mess. Unbalanced, too much icing on one side of the roof and not enough on the other, you lean back into Steve’s chest, your skin to his skin and your hair smelling of jasmine, appraising the work you’ve made just as it begins to fall apart. The weight of the roof becomes too much and the walls split either side of one another, in both slow motion and fast. Steve sees it happen incrementally, and it’s too quick to stop.
Your gingerbread house collapses.
“Fuck,” Steve says. “Fucking fuck.”
You get second place.
“It looked good when it was actually standing,” Nancy reasons, her lies obvious in her raised pitch, her queasy shifting.
“It did,” you agree.
Steve’s self-loathing abates ever so slightly.
“Pity win,” Eddie says with a cough.
You laugh like crazy, and Steve decides gingerbread houses are for kids.
—
After the gingerbread house disappointment, Steve thinks things cannot get worse. He is swiftly proven wrong.
It's his turn to host a party, Robin's idea, and Christmas crawls ever closer. When he closes his eyes at night he can see the faces of every annoyed mom asking for The Christmas Star. Carols play in his ears unbidden. He finds himself humming songs he hates out of nowhere and clamping his mouth shut hard enough to chip a tooth every time.
You love decorations, and so he and Robin have spent the last hour making his big empty house something fit for a rom-com, wreaths and tinsels and rainbow flashing lights. You love Christmas music, and so the stereos dialled to a cruel thirty in preparation for your arrival. You love cookies, and so, to Steve's amateurish expense, plates of sugar cookies line the kitchen countertops, along with all the finger foods one could ever desire.
Though in Steve's case, that's none. He hates Christmas parties, reminded of his parents' misaligned efforts to earn favour with equally pompous parents. He and Tommy would hide out in backyards with stolen booze, and when that got too cold they'd shuffle inside, warm in their chests and numb in their fingers.
He frowns at the memory and wizzes it all away. Tommy was an asshole. Steve was an asshole, he still is. This party isn't for his parents.
It's for you.
Not that anyone can ever, ever know.
"What do you think?" Robin asks, pulling at the edges of the sweater she's changed into.
It's a movie reference he should understand, but doesn't. "I love it."
She smiles. Rare for them to operate above dry sarcasm and quick wit. Christmas makes Robin squishy, like she's forgotten how shitty the world is, and Steve wants her to have a good time tonight. This includes being nice (which he should be more often, anyway).
"Go change. She'll be here soon."
"Who, Nance?"
Robin tips her head back. "Oh, yeah, Nancy. Definitely who I meant."
He flips her the finger, putting an end to their Christmas niceties. She's still laughing as he climbs the stairs and barrels into his room. He doesn't bother closing the door even as he hears the doorbell ring. The pizza should be getting here around now.
Steve doesn't rush. He’d left cash on the countertop. Robin can deal with it.
He ducks forward and pulls his polo up the length of his back, hair puffed out like a cloud. He'd set aside his ridiculous reindeer sweater on the top shelf of his closet. Or, at least, he'd thought he had. He searches once, twice, and then gives in to his short temper and drops his face into his hands.
Stupid Christmas. Stupid sweater. Stupid party.
He hears your inhale like a whisper. Breath caught in your throat.
"Steve," you say, sounding surprised.
It's his room. He's not sure what's so surprising.
You're standing in the doorway looking angelic, all things considered. Your features softened by powder, wearing a white Christmas sweater with dainty beaded snowflakes and a plaid skirt. You look pretty, and Steve's not one for dramatics but he wishes he was dead.
"You look nice," he says pathetically.
"You, too," you say. You clear your throat. "I mean. Uh-"
"You okay?" he asks, pushing hair out of his eyes.
Your smile falters. You look at his naked chest. Steve worries he's making you uncomfortable and turns as nonchalantly as he can to his closet again, says, "I can't find my sweater. It's…" He lifts a bundle of jeans up. "Horrifying."
"I can help."
You step into the room. Each footstep silent, you've already discarded your shoes. He looks down to your stockings and then up again, ignoring the blush that wants to emerge at the sight of your thighs.
"It's brown, and it has a weird red thing hanging off of it. Rudolph's nose."
You step close enough that he can feel the heat of your arm and run a hand down the shelves. It takes a couple of seconds at most and you've found it, pulling it from the pile carefully. He loves the way you move, each inch deliberate.
You press the sweater into his chest. His hands come up, his fingers cover your own.
When he's with you, Steve feels as though everything — every movement, every moment — is broken down into its finest details. He thinks he could draw your fingerprint if asked, each miniscule line embossed into his skin as you touch him.
"Steve?"
But that's ridiculous.
"Thanks. I think I got tinsel in my eyes or some shit," he mutters, averting his gaze.
"You're welcome. Robin sent me to see what was taking you so long. I'll tell her it was a Rudolph related crisis."
You stroke his arm.
He loses his shit internally, hand reaching for your retreating figure as you turn your back. He doesn’t know why. Maybe he would’ve kissed you.
"Steve?" you ask, now standing in the doorway.
He recalibrates, muddled. "Yeah?"
"Get dressed,” you encourage. You give him a short smile, blinding, and laugh quietly as you leave.
He's hopped up on hope as he gets dressed, a smile plastered over what had felt to him like a seasonal scowl. He's no idiot; arm-touching, your tinkling laughter. Maybe his crush isn't as hopeless as he'd thought.
He smooths down his hair for much longer than necessary, listening as the door opens and closes and opens again, friends trickling in with happy hellos and complaints about the weather. It's cold but too wet for snow, and evidence of it trails in from the front door through the hallway where shoes lie discarded in clumsy pairs.
He picks over them and finds his friends, ones he made willing and otherwise, draped over his living room like old throws. Max and Lucas have stolen the couch where they sit laughing, clearly gossiping about something. The rest of the lunch club stick close by, bowls of snacks already claimed and in cross-legged laps.
"Steve," Jonathan says, "what the fuck is that?"
"Fucker," Steve says. He's the butt of too many jokes, then, and he glares at Robin even as she plates him some still-warm pizza.
"Sorry," she mouths.
You curl up on the couch next to Max. He appreciates the unlikely friendship you've formed, sort of a sistership. You only know her through Steve but he genuinely thinks you'd pick her over him, and that makes him like you more.
That's all he does, lately. Finds new ways to fall in love with you.
"That is the ugliest sweater I've ever seen," Max says.
Fucking Christmas.
—
Steve's been in a bad mood since he came downstairs, and you're not okay with it. Despite your shameless meltdown in his bedroom at seeing him shirtless, you don't quit. You spend some time with Max on the couch, and when she seems a little less agitated you track him down.
He's definitely hiding.
"I think Max's glasses are hurting her nose," you say.
Steve looks over his shoulder at you, and he smiles, the slopes of his face kissed by the open refrigerator light. "They'd hurt anyone. The lenses are like, five inches thick."
“Poor girl,” you mumble, more to yourself than him.
He turns back to the fridge and pulls out a two litre of coke. “You want a drink?”
You shake your head. His hair looks incredibly sweet from this angle, and you don’t mean that in a condescending way. It curls toward the bottom of his neck, that tiny bit too long compared to his usual cut. His neck moves as his head swivels, and there’s ligaments, there’s muscle, the bump of his Adam’s apple, all of it commanding attention. You think about stepping forward to touch him, his neck, to curl your finger around the side of his throat and hold him in place. If there’s one thing about Steve lately, it’s that he’s always fucking moving. He can’t sit still. He looks between you and the empty glass in question, twice, a third time.
“I don’t read minds,” he says eventually, near pleading.
You decide some flirtation is in order.
“I’m glad you can’t,” you say lightly, crossing what’s left of the kitchen tile between you to stop at his side. You pretend that you’d wanted a drink, taking a glass down from one of his cabinets so he can fill it for you. Something he could’ve done himself. You hope that’ll be clear enough for him — the blatant want to be close.
It isn’t, unsurprisingly.
“What’s that mean?”
“Well, I think…” You lower your voice,a private confession. “That sometimes what I’m thinking, it might be- Uh, telling.”
Poor Steve. That hadn’t come out anywhere as smooth as you’d anticipated. It’s harder to tell him now you’re confronted with him, his every detail. And Steve, sweetheart, angel Steve, he misses the mark. Forget different pages, Steve’s reading a separate chapter, and your flirtation reads as a deeply unromantic confession.
“Is there something wrong?” he asks.
“No,” you say. “Of course not.”
His eyebrows jump and his forehead crinkles. “You sure?” His protective tone melts into something softer. “Let’s hear it, whatever it is.”
Steve isn’t patient. You know that about him. His temper is short and fierce. You like how hot he runs, love his agitated pouting and his dark-eyed scowls — he’s handsome in every expression.
He isn’t patient, but he tries. He’s kind, and if you wanted to sit and talk about the hypothetical that isn’t bothering you, he’d listen.
“I actually wanted to ask if everything was alright with you,” you say gently.
His hand wobbles, fastening the coke cap. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I’ve noticed you don’t really like Christmas.”
He smiles, and soon the smile catches, a shy lip bite that has you fighting with your hands to keep them where they hang at your sides.
“You got me.”
Steve pushes the twin glasses of coke back and then turns around, resting the small of his back against the countertop. You step in front of him without thinking, head ducked to catch and keep his eyes. They’re such a lovely brown, light and earthy, potted with white dots from the fluorescent kitchen light like falling snow as his eyes slip down. You swear, Steve is looking at your lips.
“Is there something I can do?”
It’s a terrible time to ask because you genuinely mean it, you’re not just trying to cop a feel. He doesn’t smirk or laugh as you’d thought he would, he only smiles.
“Thanks, but I’m good.” He tips his head back, criminal, neck arched and ever-enticing. “Fucking sick of this itchy straight jacket,” he groans, pulling at the collar of his sweater like he’s hot.
He is hot. You’d both benefit from a sudden winter breeze.
His head drops, eyes lit with confusion. “What? Something on my face?”
“Something,” you agree.
You look behind you to check what you’d thought you’d seen was truly there. When it is, you turn back to Steve with a feigned concern. “Here, come step into better light.”
You hurry into the doorway, frowning.
Steve frowns in turn and follows you. You give the game away without meaning to, looking up at the sprig of mistletoe pinned sloppily above you.
He sees it. He lights up. The happiest he’s looked all month, Steve scrubs a hand over his face and into his hair, pushing it out of his eyes as he comes to meet you. Your stomach flips with excitement, because oh shit, he looks like he wants to kiss me.
“Butler, I’m in need of one of your finest cokes, please.”
Oh, no.
Eddie bounces into view with a certified shit-eating grin, hair decorated with tiny metallic baubles. His sweater is surprisingly normal, a black and white knitted affair with reindeer and snowflakes.
He comes to a stop beside you. “What’s happening?”
Don’t look up, don’t look up, don’t look-
“Shit, hey! Mistletoe.”
Eddie opens his arms. You sigh, to his delight, and lean in so he can give you a chaste kiss on the cheek. You try to look at Steve and find your view blocked by a mass of hair.
“Wow, sweetheart. And I thought we were friends,” Eddie says good-naturedly.
You scrunch your hand in his sweater to push him away, not unkindly. Guilt gets the better of you and you pat the place over his heart. “We are.”
He makes a kissy sound and dives in toward your neck. Startled, you squeal, stumbling away from his rabid affection and back into the kitchen. He follows, though he doesn’t try anymore kisses.
“Harrington! I wasn’t joking about the coke. Can I-“
“Help yourself,” Steve says.
He sounds miserable.
—
There isn’t time or opportunity to smooth things over with Steve that night. Actually, a week becomes two, and neither do you kiss nor talk about kissing. You want to explain to him what he probably already knows — you really had been standing there for him, hoping for a kiss, a proper kiss.
He’d looked crushed. You don’t use the word lightly. Steve looked as though somebody had stepped on his chest and pressed all of their weight against his ribs. Frazzled, unhappy. You can’t get the look out of your head, and Christmas doesn’t feel so cheerful with the gap that yawns between you, an icy crevice.
You try to explain and things get in the way. At the video store, you show up with a plate of apology cookies hoping for a second chance and suddenly the radio breaks and gets stuck blaring ‘Here Comes Santa Claus’ like a storm siren. You meet up for games night with a twig of mistletoe in your purse hoping to be a tad more brazen about it and he sits on the opposite sofa, doesn’t take any pee breaks, effectively foiling your plan with inactivity. You ask him out for hot chocolate over the phone and he can’t come.
“My parents are flying home. I gotta pick ‘em up from the airport.”
You don’t know whether he’s lying or not. His parents actually being home feels outlandish. If he is lying, he doesn’t want to see you, and if he doesn’t want to see you…
He doesn’t like you. Not the way you like him.
You worry you imagined the whole thing, his enthusiasm, his starry eyed smile.
So you’re giving it one last shot. If it doesn’t work you’ll spend your Christmas heartbroken and sulking, but if it does you might actually get to kiss him. It’s a huge thing, and your hands are shaking with more than the cold as you bump up the small step to Steve’s front door.
The green wreath hanging below the peep hole jitters as you knock, a fragrant twining of pine and cinnamon sticks.
The door opens all at once.
“Hi,” you say, biting the tip of your tongue. “Hi, I’m, uh-“
The man who’s answered, who you summarise to be Steve’s father despite never having seen him, looks disinterested. “Steve,” he calls. “One of your friends.”
He walks away with nothing else to say, a dark brown liquid lapping at the sides of his small glass. You pull the wrapped box in hand closer to your chest, shifting from one numbing foot to the other as a small tumbling sound comes from upstairs. A pair of hinges squeal, and Steve is halfway down the stairs before he’s even looked up.
He slows as he approaches the bottom.
He’s in pajamas. Sweatpants, nondescript, but his too-tight shirt clearly of the Christmas variety. A snowman smiles over his chest.
“It’s laundry day,” he says.
“Sure.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t go out with you-“
“Steve,” you interrupt, shaking your head. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
“Is that… for me?”
The box in your hands is wrapped modestly. You hadn’t wanted to shove Christmas down his throat, trading reds and greens for a shiny silver paper pressed with fine glitter snowflakes.
“Yeah. It’s for you.”
Steve stares at you. You stare back.
“I’d invite you in, but…” He shakes his head. “Let me get my coat.”
Steve doesn’t close the door, to his father’s annoyance, deep grumbling echoing from the kitchen area. You watch him shove his socked feet into a pair of sneakers and scramble to grab his coat and a scarf.
“Okay?” he asks, stepping out onto the path and closing the door behind him.
You don’t answer, distracted by his hands suddenly held up, the scarf thrown neatly around your neck. He does a single knot and tucks it under your jaw. “Awesome,” he says.
You walk down his street. Hawkins is half woods, and soon you’re weaving between naked trees, no destination in mind, not one unspoken feeling acknowledged between you.
“Why do you hate Christmas?”
It’s just dark enough for Steve’s clouded breath to show against the sky. “I don’t,” he says.
Your footsteps break over leaves so frosted they crackle.
“I mean, I guess I do,” he says. “I don’t know. I think I want it to be better than it is.” He stops under a tree that’s clinging to its last handful of leaves and gives a low-hanging branch a playful shake. “I never enjoyed it, as a kid. Or, I don’t remember. I’m sure I liked it when I was still snot-nosed.”
“So, last year?”
He chuckles warmly. “Exactly.”
You walk a little further, too awkward to hand him his gift.
“I don’t hate it. But it’s cold, and everyone’s rushing, and the bad outweighs the good.” He sounds tired.
He breaks your heart like that.
You stop walking and Steve takes your cue, the two of you toe-to-toe, your sneakers dirty, his socks odd. One white and one grey.
“I got you this because… um, I have something to tell you. I don’t think I can say it out loud, but- but I hope it adds something to the scale.” You extend the box slowly, your fingers stiff with the cold. “You deserve some good. You deserve a lot of good.”
You laugh, flustered, and Steve joins in, chest lifting with it as he accepts his gift.
He rips off the wrapping paper, at first carefully and then less so, shoving little pieces into his pocket as he goes. You take the bigger scraps from him so he can look at the box itself.
Your gift is actually multiple gifts contained inside, and the first isn't technically a gift at all. The Family Video copy of The Christmas Star.
"Is this-"
"I've been meaning to give it back to you. I'm sorry, I know it's not a real gift, I just figured- I mean, you've never seen it. I thought we should watch it, and that you'd like it if you did. Or maybe you'll hate it, and that would be fine too."
He nods and moves to the next gift, lips twitching with an emotion he won't share.
"That's your size, hopefully. I asked Robin but she didn't know. I kept the receipt."
Steve smiles at you. "Would you hold this?" he asks.
You put your hands out and take the box back, worried, but he's only unzipping his coat. Quick as a flash he's shrugging into the sweater head first. It's a simple thing, red wool, soft to touch. A Christmas sweater, though there's no decoration beside a tiny holly leaf embroidered at the collar in dark green.
"This is fucking sweet," he says.
You agree. He looks good.
A shiver racks his spine.
"Put your coat back on, you're gonna freeze," you say gently.
He beams at you. "My dead body will be the best dressed in the morgue."
"Don't joke about that!"
He laughs and gets back into his coat, zip right up to his neck. He still looks cold.
The third present is a gingerbread house kit. The fourth, a sprig of mistletoe. They're obvious now the sweaters in action, and Steve seems mildly confused by them. You leap to explain.
"I thought, I mean- I want a do-over." You tilt your cheek toward your shoulder, scared and fond at the same time. "I wanted you to kiss me. I think you wanted to kiss me, and then Eddie," — you laugh loudly, cheeks burning with the cold — "was being himself. And Steve, I brought that stupid plant with me to Robin's house last week hoping we'd be alone, and to work the week before. But you're hard to pin down."
You take a deep breath before continuing, eyes determined at his collar, "If you don't want to kiss me, that's okay. That's why I brought the gingerbread house, because ours was awesome before it fell apart, and I'm pretty sure Robin gave us a dud on purpose. We made something really cool together, and I think we can do it again."
"I did want to kiss you. I do."
You bite the inside of your lip, nose scrunched up in happiness. "You do?" you ask, and there's this feeling in your chest like you could burst, and all the cold shrinks into nothing. You're warm in your arms, your fingers, your fingertips.
His hand comes up to his face briefly, shielding his eyes. "Am I obvious?"
"Am I?"
His exhale tickles your cheeks. "No," he says breathlessly. "No, you're not."
He says it like it's a good thing. A great thing.
"Everybody else knows," you say similarly.
"I know."
He brings a hand to your cheek. It's cold, cold as your face, but he still winces and rubs at the apple with his thumb. "You're freezing," he says as he inches forward.
His lips are warm. More gentle than you'd imagined, hesitant, and the box you're holding stops him from getting as close as you want him to get. He kisses you once, then he pulls away and kisses you again, his lips slightly parted.
It's better than you'd thought it would be. His palm stroking your cheek, the pressure, the heat. Knowing he wants to kiss you now as he wanted to then.
"No fucking way," he says, tilting his head back.
You tip your head back too. Something wet falls in your eyelashes, a drop of rain.
Not rain. "It's fucking snowing," Steve says.
It's snowing. Because it's Christmas, and the powers that be are on your side.
"Happy Christmas, Harrington," you say jovially.
You're given another kiss in reward. Reward, or to shut you up. You're not sure.
—
Steve is impartial to Christmas. He doesn't want to get into it but he will, because you love it.
The snow — the snow, which had fallen thick and fine as powdered sugar, which you adore, and which makes coming to see you in the days leading up to Christmas near impossible. It's something out of a movie, Steve, seriously, and you need to appreciate what's happening.
The music you play when he comes to see you, records on your record player and cassettes in your tape deck lying on your chest, knee to knee and thigh to thigh with him. Your quiet humming; you won't sing, but the small sounds alone are enough to make him want to kiss you (though everything does now). He can't hate Here Comes Santa Claus when you hum along under your breath, lips skipping over the skin of his bicep, your hand scratching a rhythm into his hair.
Everybody knows Santa's coming, I don't see why they have to have a whole song about it.
Are you jealous? I'll write a song about you. Or maybe I can steal one. You ever hear Santa baby? We can make it Stevie baby.
Christmas music? Not his thing. You calling him baby? Fine, he can get behind it. At least until January.
Christmas sweaters! He fucking hates them. They're ugly, they're scary, he doesn't wanna walk around with a pom pom on his chest thank you so much, but he has to allow them. Has to. If only so he can watch you get dressed with one eye hidden in your pillow and the other wide open. Thank little baby Jesus in the manger for Christmas sweaters so you have something to tuck into your skirt, so you have a reason to wear a skirt at all, and a reason to take one off.
Christmas snacks he can get behind. Or, he can get behind this. You on the couch, a needle threaded in your hand. A bowl of popcorn in his lap, and your face as you lean back.
He throws a kernel and it lands in your open mouth.
You both holler, twin expressions of unadulterated joy, popcorn spilling over the sides of the bowl. You just look so happy, he climbs on knees to steal a kiss. A smiling kiss, the very best kind.
"Aren't you supposed to do this stuff before Christmas eve?" he asks.
"I've been a little busy."
Steve digs his face into your neck so you won't see him blushing, hands curling around your waist in an impromptu hug. Yes, he supposes you have been.
You kiss his temple sweetly.
"Merry Christmas," he murmurs. He really, really means it.
❆
thanks for reading! im so out of practice but hopefully this is okay!! i meant to post it yesterday but anyhow, i hope you enjoyed <3
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