#so i've always said i would write something in their pov so that their illness isnt just experienced through over peoples eyes

[thelostboys87]

experiencing novella visions

#actually there have always been RR novella visions #basically there are two main characters who are HIV positive (theyre not the only ones but thats a whole other thing) #so i've always said i would write something in their pov so that their illness isnt just experienced through over peoples eyes #ESPECIALLY after writing my dissertation and thinking about AIDS portrayals the visions are...visioning #the bobby one is the strongest i seriously need to write more of LB just so i can share more of him!!! belle of the ball star of the show f #i actually think both novella's are just gonna be titled the character's names too. something about them not just being a body/statistic/et

[xr0tt3nxfl3shx]

👁💊My Medicine is underdeveloped and my Amygdala won't work.💉👁

Twomp[AU] fanfiction + art !! Pertains to the events in this post. [No beta we die.]

⚠️‼️TW: VOMITING / OVERDOSE / SUICIDAL IDEATION / UNREALITY / CORRUPT MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM / GENERAL MENTAL ILLNESS THEMES‼️⚠️

A/N: i didnt wanna mention it tbh but just in case, ive been down the chemical consumption road 3 times, an i mention because i know the internet has opinions on mental illness in writing. But ive been there myself. All up close and personal like. so i think i can speak on it (dont castrate me)

POV: 👁Argos👁

I scratch at my skin in the dark of my room as if that'll hold in the tears from spilling over my burning red cheeks. The feeling of rage and overwhelming depression clash within me, and leave me to switch every few minutes between cursing the name of every therapist who ever told me that "I'm not even trying to get better" and crying over the idea that they might be right.

My heartbeat is so vigorous that it feels like at any moment the tendons will tear away and my heart will burst in my ribs. How could anyone say that to me? I seethe and hiss through my gritting teeth. Why can't I get better? I cry enough to fill an ocean and nearly drown in my tears.

I should be able to control all of this by now, I'm not a child. Yet, I can't stop thinking about putting the heads of those who hurt me on a platter. Or banging my head on my bedroom wall hard enough to dull the heartbreak. My eyes are running dry from all the tears, I've been at this for a while. My head is pounding from the adrenaline. All reasonable thoughts are drowned out, with intrusive and irrational ones taking the place of my internal voice of reason.

I can make it better, I can make this better. I just need to try a little harder! Just.. go a little further. These feelings, it's just a chemical imbalance right?

I'm running out of options, types of therapy, pills, at this point I might as well just get a lobotomy. I'm sure my therapist would like that.

There's still time to make this right. I don't have to end my life to end my suffering right?

I can prove them wrong. I will prove them wrong. It's just a chemical imbalance. I just need to fix it.

I rummage through the medicine cabinet above my bathroom sink, overlooking the blood crusting around the drain. There has to be something in here that can make my head stop pounding or my thoughts quiet down if not for just a little while. Maybe everything all at once? Yeah that should do!

Laid out in front of me on the cold tiled floor of my bathroom are various pill bottles. The amount of pills actually in them is varied, they like to switch my meds every other week it seems. I try to be hasty with this, pouring out a small handful of gel capsules into my hand. Each one smooth, glossy, and slightly cool to the touch.

You know, I've been here before, and typically there's some survival instinct in me, paralyzing my hands before I can do any damage. But all I can feel is anguish. And anger. And there's no more room for self preservation in me.

I take my first dose before I can come down from my emotion fueled adrenaline rush. Quickly now don't let the self preservation come back. I take my next dose of a new pill type, a tablet. It was a bad idea doing this dry but oh well!

Before I know it I'm slumped against my bathroom door, unable to continue my self medication on account of the mounds of pills I dry swallowed having begun triggering my gag reflex. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't anxious about this, but it had to be done. My therapist is always urging me to take steps in the right direction!

(Though admittedly he never mentioned which direction is the right one.)

I make it back to my bed, dragging my feet and leaning on the wall for support the whole way. It's not even five minutes in when I start to feel the effects. I probably should've eaten before taking my pills like the instructions say.

This is different though, I feel my connection to reality slip right through my jittery fingers. Like the shadows in my room are divulging their presence. Like they are reaching out their hands, ready to take hold of me, pull me in and make me one with unreality. An emptiness overcomes me, something I've truly never felt before. And it's the strangest thing, because simultaneously I've never felt more alive in my life.

Everything is really funny, I've never noticed how funny everything is up until now. Every little unorganized thought that pops up in my foggy, spacing-out head manages to get a strained laugh out of me.

Visual snow floods my peripheral, the colors of the world begin to become one with the static in my eyes.

Ah, I remembered what I was going to do in here. I need to call Mr. Plant. I need him to know that I'm going to get better, and how much I love him of course. Oh he'll never understand just how much I love him! I love him to death, haha! Literally.

I dial in the number. Moving has proven difficult, like trying to control a vehicle while tired and out of it, or in my case trying to control a vehicle through the most debilitating brain fog I've ever experienced. The disconnection from body and thought is almost calming.

The ringing of the phone is such a funny thing as well. I could lose myself in the methodical rhythm and loose vibrations running up my hands- oh look here he's answered!

"M‐r… plant! I ha-ve.. s o me thi.. ng to tell you."

I am fighting to get the words out. The weak sounds I manage to get out of my raspy throat come out in uneven tones with jarring stutters. Why is it so hard to speak?

"I took.. a lot o-f... my me-ds. Ha-ha!" He hangs up immediately.

Is he not happy for me? It wasn't long before I heard sirens closing in. Did he call the cops on me? That's no fair, no fair at all.

I've never been rolled into the back of an ambulance on a stretcher before but there's a first time for everything I suppose. It's too bad I'm too out of it to really experience it.

In the ambulance is when the first wave of nausea hits. I could barely even feel the EMT insert the IV or hear when they asked me questions.

———

The heart palpitations do their diligence distracting from the perforations left in my arm from the injections of various medications and the IV drip.

My respiration is just as irregular as my heart's chemical damaged rhythm. I feel like I'm drowning in this heavy air and it feels like the knots in my stomach have spread to my heart. This pain is so unbearable that I feel the need to crave it out of myself with a blade.

The world is doubling- no tripling, blurring, and mushing together all at once. I can feel the hum of the fluorescent hospital light buzz through my head. The scent of rubbing alcohol and sterilized equipment is evident throughout the cold medical facility.

By my own hands I've made my body a place unsuitable for living. I've "almost drugged myself to an early grave" as the hospital staff keep reminding me.

Speaking of body, I can no longer tell where I end and the wires of the EKG machine begin. Neuropathy has set in and nerve sensation has dulled for the most part, except in my stomach and heart where it hurts the most of course. But me and the machines they have me hooked up to might as well be one as long as they are taking the place of my dysfunctional body systems.

When they run the EKG scan, which they do about every half hour, they ask me to stay as still as I can, but it's hard to control the shaking when I don't know where it comes from in the first place. I'm by no means cold, or if I am I really can't feel it.

Have I mentioned the shaking? The tremors? I need to grow accustomed to the flavor of raw stomach acid soon, because that's all I've been throwing up anymore. It's all that's left.

The nausea begins to build all over again, like my stomach is writhing and contorting in my torso. I can feel the knots being tied. Over the next few minutes it builds and builds, I'd do anything to stop the encroaching bile now. The nausea completely overwhelms my senses right before another round of the most violent retching I've ever experienced. Accompanied by the most awful squelching and splattering sounds as it hits the rest of vomit already resting at the bottom of the bag.

I feel like I'm nearing being turned inside out everytime it happens. And I've filled yet another vomit bag. This isn't going to stop for days as the doctor told me. I doubt I'll get the luxury of unconsciousness.

The activated charcoal they gave me to drink is like this black sludge, "slow and steady now, don't drink so fast you throw it all up but not so slow that you succumb to the consequences of your own actions." Well maybe that's not what they really said but it's how it felt. I can tell the staff are judging me, I just know it! They think I deserve this.

At least the charcoal is cherry flavored.

My many eyes dart around the clean and pristine hospital room erratically, glancing off in every direction. I don't want anyone to look at me anymore. I can't stand the buzz of the lights and I can barely bring myself to move enough to blink. Or even move enough to breathe. I am much too dizzy and light-headed to even consider standing up. I'm so dizzy I could swear I'm phasing in and out of my body. The only thing keeping my consciousness bound to this body is the unending pain ancoring me in the reality of my situation.

It's growing increasingly unbearable.

Above all else I am losing my mind trying to figure out where I went wrong tonight. These chemicals were supposed to fix all these feelings. The pills were supposed to fix me. My psychiatrists and therapists all told me that I'm sick, disordered, and all I needed was to buy a few more medicines.

It must be my fault, it must be if hundreds of milligrams of mood stabilizers can't just make it better.

Tell me, anyone tell me, why I'm so useless that I can't even help myself?

Why am I so worthless that my medicine won't work on me?

I am almost entirely suspended in unreality. The prozac, olanzapine, mirtazapine, and everything other useless drug they gave me were meant to cure me. I've tried everything!

I've done the very most I can to try and make the bad thoughts quiet down. And are the thoughts that tell me "I'd be better dead", my own thoughts, or a symptom of one of my diagnoses?

Is the reason I'm like this the same reason I don't deserve love, or do I not deserve love because I'm like this? I want to get better. I swear I really do.

So why does no one believe me?

"Sir, you have a visitor." The nurse informs me in a harsh yet hush tone.

The words barely make it through my chemical head. I'm practically catatonic in this hospital bed. But when I do process them I pray to every divine that it is who I think it is.

Red petals on the top and bottom, two yellow petals, one pink and one blue. I was right!

I can't believe he came all the way down to this void to come see me. I really thought he'd stay home. I don't think anyone or anything could possibly understand the pure desperation I feel coursing through my veins. Right alongside the saline they're using to flush my IV of course.

My boyfriend entered my hospital room, #34 I believe, I saw when they rolled me in on the stretcher. Tears well up in my dried eyes, I couldn't feel enough of anything to cry while drugged out of my head but seeing him, well, I need him more than I have ever needed anyone before.

The look on his face when he saw me is one I didn't know he was capable of, pure horror even. I must look horrible stained with my own bile in these itchy hospital scrubs. He is quick to clasp my hand in his and rub along my knuckles and the back of my palm. Through the blurred vision and tears I can't even make him out anymore but I don't need to, I just need his touch. I need it so badly.

I have no depth perception at the moment, or hand eye coordination, and again everything is quite blurry so it was mostly unintentional when I pulled him in by the sweater. He leans into me and wraps his arms under my upper back, holding me against his chest.

He's warm against me, holding me gently in a hospital bed. I can't feel much at all other than the pain, his warmth was the only other sensation I could pin down in my head. It was such a harsh contrast from how I normally see him acting.

With him so close I can't tell where he ends and I begin this time. Even in one of my most painful moments, I feel a familiar comfort in my palpitating heart. He's the only thing keeping me from going entirely mad. He has no idea what I'd give to melt into him right here right now, become an amalgamated abomination of our half hazardly bonded flesh and bone. I'm afraid I'd ruin him and all his perfection with me and all my misshapen and grotesqueness.

I am especially disgusting as of now, making him worry about me like this. Can I not be horrible for just one second? Selfish, that's it. I must be selfish. I take another go at speaking a moment after we pull away. All I can muster is an apology that comes out more like a pathetic stammer through my tears.

The way his cold gaze met mine shook me. I've never seen real tears stream down his face. He looks so... distraught. Its like he's looking right through me and simultaneously looking directly at me. And on top of everything I've never seen him sign so frantically. He rarely signs at all.

"Please don't be sorry."

…

"Don't strain your voice."

"Just stay right there, okay? Do you need anything?"

"I'll get you anything, I'd do anything for you."

I knew he cared about me, but I guess I never realized just how much. Or maybe I just forgot. How horrible am I?

Is it possible I'm actually worth something to him? Worth enough for him to call me an ambulance, worth enough for him to comfort me in the hospital bed, worth enough for him to cry over me?

Was I really worth staying with all this time?

My thoughts are interrupted by another round of retching, it seems those knots in my stomach weren't just anxiety. Mr. Plant holds my hand through it. I'm gonna be here a while, I know that. But he's here with me, and from the looks of it he isn't leaving my side anytime soon.

I'll make it out alive, not for myself, just for him. And for the possibility that maybe he needs me just as much as I need him. I wish my mind wasn't so scrambled, so I could find the words to express just how much I love him.

I love you Mr. Plant.

#overdose #vomiting #tw overdose #tw vomit #unnamed twomp au #twomp #ashur gharavi #argos twomp #the world of mr plant #twomrp #twomp fanfic #plargos #eye love you #I'm so sorry regular twomp enjoyerd #YOU JUST GOT [COMICALLY ANGSTY TWOMP AU]'D #Spotify

[mayajadewrites]

Levi Ackerman x Reader: Almost

Chapter Six: Coffee Ice Cream

Chapter Summary: We start off in Levi's POV, getting more insight on him and what he's thinking. He invites you over for TV and some ice cream. Nothing more. *tehe*

Fanfic Preface: Modern AU Levi Ackerman x Reader fanfic I’ve been dying to write! Levi is my latest hyper fixation so this was bound to happen. There will be other AOT characters in the mix, but remember this is a modern AU!

WARNING: SMUT AHEAD

ao3 link

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕ LEVI ☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

It's been a few days since our little incident. I didn't want to come off as obsessive, which I may or may not be, but I knew if I wanted this to last and bloom I needed to give her space to continue to be her own person.

"Mr. Ackerman, I've meal prepped for you for the next week and there's a load of laundry going." My housekeeper, Daisy, says as she fixes her apron. "Is there anything else you need me to do?"

"No, thanks Daisy." I nod for her to dismiss as I walk through my mansion.

Honestly, I'm not sure why I have a housekeeper. No one cleans like I do. I guess I keep her around for the cooking since I'm shit at that. Cleaning has always relieved my stress and makes me forget where I am in the world.

I didn't start off as a millionaire, almost billionaire. I started at the very bottom, with my mother.

We used to live in homeless shelters and sometimes strangers couches, until she fell ill because of our living circumstances. I watched my mother wither away in front of me, like a rose.

"Levi, promise me you will be something." I remember she said to me as she was taking her last few breaths. "Mommy will always watch over you."

Then she was gone.

Social services picked me up after that and I went to live with my aunt and uncle. They lived comfortably in middle class with no kids - lucky me.

I'd like to think mom would be happy with how far I've come.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

"Levi, your new assistant starts today. Don't run her off, please." Hange gives a pleading look. "She's nice."

"Nice and competent are two separate things." I continue to jot down notes from a contract I'm reading.

"Levi, this is Juliet. Your assistant." Hange walked into my office with, who I'm assuming is Juliet. She's young, with long blonde hair and brown eyes. Conventionally attractive.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Ackerman. What do you need me to do first? Do you want me to get you coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee. I drink tea. And I get that myself." I look up from my desk. "Hange, have her go over my schedule for meetings next week and make sure everything is in order."

"Sure thing boss." Hange left with Juliet, closing my door gently behind them. I have a therapy appointment today, thankfully it's virtual. I open my laptop and sign into the portal to initiate the meeting.

"Levi! You look good!" My therapist, Maria, smiles.

"Thank you. The camera probably smooths out my skin."

"So, tell me about your week. What are you feeling, what's going on, all that jazz."

"I punched a guy in the face last week."

"Levi! What did we talk about with your anger?"

"I did think it over. I thought before I punched, and after. I don't regret it."

Maria shook her head, bringing her glasses to the bridge of her nose. "Ay dios mio, you make my job so hard sometimes."

"That's why you get paid the big bucks, right?" I let out a rare chuckle.

"Why did you do that?"

Because he was touching whats mine.

"I thought he was going to take advantage of someone."

"Who's this someone?"

"I don't want to tell you about her yet. Then that means its serious."

"You punched a man because of her, that's not serious enough?"

"No. It's not. I'm 30 years old, Maria. I've never had a real relationship so I'm navigating it the only way I know how."

"Levi, she is not your mother. You can't treat her like she is a fragile human being. She has feelings, like you, and she is her own person. Does she want to be serious?"

"I'm not sure. We're ... dating? I guess that's different from being in a relationship."

"Ah, taking things slow. I see. Well, tell me about her."

"She works at my favorite coffee shop that I go to every day before work. Except I get tea. Anyways, I've seen her almost every day for 6 months and I've had long and short conversations with her. Only recently have we started seeing each other."

"And what are you scared of?" Maria's question stumped me.

I'm scared of everything.

I'm scared of losing her. I'm scared of losing what I have. I'm scared of starting a family only to have it ripped from me.

"Levi?" Maria snapped me out of my thoughts.

"I'm scared of, a lot. My feelings scare me. I feel, protective over her. I feel like I want to savor every moment we're together. I'm also scared she's going to run off once she truly sees my life."

I'm rich, like, filthy rich. She works hard for her money, lives alone, and has dreams of opening her own coffee shop. Which I can help with.

She's used to doing everything for herself. She doesn't have a housekeeper, a chef, none of that. She cooks, cleans, and does everything herself.

Everything I want in a woman is in her.

"You can't go around anticipating people leaving." Maria tapped her pen on her notebook. "You know what I say, everything happens for a reason. There's a reason you connected with her and there's a reason you feel the way you do about her. I don't think it would hurt to explore those feelings more."

After your therapy session, I decide I'm inviting her over for the first time. I want her to see how I am, in my house, and I want to observe how she is.

Me: Are you busy tonight?

Her: If by busy you mean I have a date with a pint of coffee ice cream and Grey's Anatomy, then yes.

Me: Would you like to do that here?

Her: Here is where?

She's gonna make me work for this.

Me: Here as in my house. I'll pick you up at 7.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕ BRATTY BARISTA ☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

After getting ready for Levi's, you take a look at yourself in the mirror. Your outfit consists of leggings, crew socks, sneakers, a low cut tank top and a zip up hoodie. You can't lie, part of you wants Levi to continue what he started at your place last week. The other part of you is scared shitless to go to his mansion.

At 7 PM sharp, you hear tires roll in front of your place. By the time you lock your doors, Levi is waiting outside the passenger door for you. He kisses your cheek before letting you in the car, scanning your body.

You study the drive from your place to his - about 20 minutes. Levi lives in a rich, residential area with plenty of land to spare.

Walking into his home, it's spotless. Like, actually spotless. No dust anywhere, nothing is out of place, even the remotes on his coffee table.

"I bought some coffee ice cream and I have Netflix set up for that show already - Grey's what?"

"Grey's Anatomy. You're watching it with me?"

"I was serious when I asked you if you wanted to do that here. Can we start from the 1st episode?" Levi grabbed 2 spoons and the pint of ice cream.

"Sure." You walk over to the couch, which looks like a cloud, and sink your body into it. So this is what it's like to have money.

Levi pressed play, opening the pint. He plunged his spoon into the ice cream as neatly as he could, bringing it to your lips.

You open your mouth slowly, letting him insert the spoon into your mouth. You stare at his eyes as you lick the spoon, getting lost in the clouds that live in his eyes. He pulled the spoon out of your mouth, taking a scoop for himself.

Levi had coffee ice cream residue on his bottom lip, which he quickly licked away. You stared at his chiseled jawline as he watched the show, his eyes moving back and forth with the scenes.

Eventually Levi put the ice cream away, knowing we would eat it again later. As he sat down next to you again, you couldn't help but notice a bulge in his pants.

We meet again.

Levi put his arm around the back of the couch, leaning back so his chest was stretched out. You could see his collarbone peeking out of his shirt, along with his sculpted muscles.

"You're not even watching, brat." Levi interrupted your daydream.

"I'm watching something else." You turn your body toward him. "It's much more interesting."

"What do you mean? I think it's ok so far -" Levi directs his attention back on the tv, getting lost in the plot.

You took advantage of this moment and unzipped your hoodie a bit, exposing your cleavage. He didn't seem to notice, but he will soon.

You slide into him, making sure he can feel your body against his. He looks down at you through his jet black locks, seemingly by surprise.

"What-"

"Shhhh." You press your finger to his lips, pulling your leg over his lap so you're straddling him. "You can't talk until I'm done. I mean it. Not a word." When did you suddenly get bold?

Levi's erection was more prominent now, pulsing against your thigh. You trail kisses down his face, neck, chest, and eventually you snake down to your knees, in front of his belt buckle.

You look up at Levi, who's mouth is open like he wants to say something.

"Remember the rules, Mr. Ackerman." You wiggle your finger, unbuckling his belt. "Not a word until I'm done."

His belt slid off with ease, as you pulled his slacks down to his ankles. His dick print through his boxer briefs startled you, but you're not gonna stop now. You spread his legs, pushing yourself in between them.

You drag your fingertips down his stomach to his pelvic region, tracing the 'V' line gently. You glanced to look at Levi, who's eyes were dead set on you.

His underwear came off, and his dick slapped his abs. Your eyes grew wide from his size, knowing you might have bit off more than you can chew.

You take one hand and start pumping his dick slowly, brushing your thumb over the tip. Pre-cum leaked from the slit, motivating you to pump harder.

You take some of the pre-cum from your finger and slid it into your mouth with a 'pop' sound. Levi groans, letting his head fall back.

You bring your lips to his tip, sucking it gently while pumping his shaft. You could not take all of him in yet, but you will. Your other hand starts massaging his balls, which hitched his breath. Your tongue caressed every vein in his dick, paying special attention to the tip.

Levi finally put one of his hands in your hair, directing you on his dick. You took more and more of him in, eventually hitting your gang reflex, but you didn't care. The look on Levi's face is worth it. He whimpers as your tongue cascades along his length, the sounds alone causing him to almost overstimulate.

Levi moaned your name before you felt his dick start pulsating in your mouth and his hand pulled your hair roughly. "Where do you want me to cum?" Levi said with short breaths.

"In my mouth."

It was less of a mess that way.

That must have sent Levi over the edge. He unleashed his load in your mouth, holding your hair tightly.

You snake your body up to his face and smile, swallowing his load.

"Fuck." Levi caught his breath, kissing your lips gently. "My turn." Levi pulled you onto the couch, laying you down horizontally. "But you can be as loud as you want."

Levi slid your leggings off, revealing your hot pink thong. He played with the straps before sliding them down your legs, kissing your thighs as he passed by.

Your core was drenched at this point from sucking his dick alone, and seeing him at your pussy sent you to another planet.

He slid two fingers in without warning, pulled them out, and sucked them while keeping his eyes on yours. "What a good girl. So wet for me." Levi started pumping his fingers, curling at your clit.

"Levi.." You moan his name, curling your toes. Levi presses his hand on your stomach, sitting his face in-between your thighs. His lips touched your pussy, sending electricity up and down your body.

The entire time, his eyes are on you. Watching every face you make, listening to every moan. Levi ate pussy like it was his last meal. His tongue and fingers invaded you and made it their home instead. Your walls started to pulsate as his tongue went in and out of you, devouring every last drop.

"So beautiful." Levi mumbled against you, curling his fingers one last time before the world went away around you. The feeling is euphoric. A man hasn't made you feel like this, ever. You've pleasured yourself enough to give yourself an orgasm, but this is different.

"Levi." You moan loudly, gripping his hair, riding out your high. You could not focus on one thing - there were no thoughts in your head. Levi ate you through your high until your legs were shaking uncontrollably.

Making his way to your lips, Levi kissed you gently, the sheen of your arousal all over his mouth.

"I wish I could savor this taste forever." He groaned, putting his hand behind your neck and pressing you into him gently.

His lips moved with purpose, making sure every inch is taken care of. Your lips are plump from all the arousal, your heart feels like its beating out of your chest.

"Do you still want to watch Grey's Anatomy?"

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman aot #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfic #levi fanfic #levi aot #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfic #levi attack on titan #levi smut #levi ackerman smut #levi x you #levi ackerman x you

[mikrokoskooks]

Hey could you please do something with joon and appendicitis!! i love your works so much! <3

Of course and Ty xx I really love yours too you are so good at writing!!! :)

Tw:Emeto, hospitals mentions of vom!t

Around 2000 and something words might be my longest fic ever haha.

Namjoon's POV

"Hey, Hyung are you alright back there, you've been quiet today," Jungkook says from his seat next to me in the car.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired" Of course, I'm not actually tired I just don't want to worry Jungkook or the others.

I've been feeling a bit odd lately, and little things keep happening that are making me worry about my health.

Like the last couple of days, I have completely lost my appetite and had these weird cramps in my tummy that come and go. Usually, I'd be stubborn and not tell the others how I feel but something deep down's telling me to say something.

"Actually,  I-" Is all I manage to say before being cut off by Jimin,

"Guys. I don't feel very well"

Oh no.

"Why what's wrong?" Hoseok asks from the steering wheel

"I think I'm car sick" He moans placing a hand on his tummy.

I look over at Jimin and he truly looks awful he's gone all pale and his bangs are stuck to his forehead by sweat. I don't know what's up with him but it doesn't look good. "Here take this," Yoongi says passing him an emesis bag. Jimin and some of the other members get motion sick so we always have some on hand.

While Jimin is breathing heavily into the bag the pain and burning in my stomach grows quickly and I start to feel a bit queasy myself. Jimin lets out a few fairly quiet hiccups but a particularly loud one causes him to throw up quite aggressively into the blue bag.

Taehyung rubs his aching stomach while Jin and Yoongi pat his back, Soon enough Jungkook's unbuckled his seat belt and went to Jimin as well. I don't blame them cause Jimin is clearly unwell I just wish I had said I felt ill earlier so someone could look after me like that.

You know what, I don't even think Jimin's motion sick he's never gotten it this bad before it has to be something else. Like food poisoning?

~~~

When we get back to the dorm Jimin could barely stand up straight from all the vomiting he'd done. All of the others minus me had to hold him up so he didn't fall flat on his (cute) face.

I go into the kitchen and return to the living room with an empty yogurt pot. "Minnie you were eating this earlier right?"

Jimin slowly nods his head, "It's gone off I think it's given you food poisoning," Namjoon says

"It did taste kinda funny.."

"Then why'd you eat it silly, Jin asks half-jokingly before sweetly saying, it's okay anyways we'll help you get better yeah"

See, food poisoning. No motion sickness.

~~~

It's a week later and Jimin is better after he got sick the first time it took him until yesterday to get better. He really had it bad. I, surprisingly feel completely better too. I've managed to get my appetite back and my stomach cramp still come and go but less often than before.

I haven't bothered to tell the others how I felt before because it was never truly the right time with Jimin being sick and all. I was sure it would go on its own and it did so I've nothing to worry about. Plus, we've got a performance on the tonight show with Jimmy Fallon, and I'ts not like my stomach gonna randomly flare up again, is it?

I've jinxed it

As soon as we pull up at the venue I feel my stomach cramp aggressively and gurgle just like it normally does. Unfortunately, it's so much shaper and louder than usual it causes me to groan suddenly, earning me six pairs of concerned eyes staring at me. This time it radiates to his side.

"Namjoon are you okay, Was that your stomach?"

" Yeah, I don't.. feel that well" I blurt out

"Why, what's wrong namjoon-ah?" Seokjin asks me.

"My stomach.. hurts" I whine weakly leaning my head onto the window.

Since the van is now parked Seokjin unbuckles his seatbelt and rests a hand on my forehead "There's no temperature. Have you eaten anything that might be causing this?"

I shake my head, "It's alright though, I can manage" I try to say it as confidently as possible, but there's still a clear whine in my voice.

The car is silent for a minute before Hoseok speaks up, "Okay, If you're sure Joon but if it starts to hurt more tell us ok?"

"Okay"

~~~

As we enter the building the show's staff greet us with warm smiles and waves before leading us off to Jimmy Fallon. We don't have to walk too far as he's at the end of the corridor, but the journey still gets me out of breath. My stomach's probably to blame for that.

When we make it to the end of the not-so-far corridor I feel exhausted, My stomach ache has gotten ten times worse and I could feel my lunch trying to make a reappearance. I'm starting to rethink the performance tonight.

We'd been on the show before so when Jimmy turns around he's thrilled to see us again. He smiles and welcomes us back and then starts to pull everyone into a hug. That's one thing I've always liked about Jimmy he treats us like family. He doesn't just ignore us until we perform he cares about our feelings.

Speaking of feelings, before my hug, Jimmy looks at me worriedly and asks me something. "Hey are you okay buddy, you don't look so good."

"Ah yeah, I've  just got a stomach ache."

I can hear the genuine concern In Jimmy's voice.

"Oh, are you alright to perform? You can rest if you need to."

"I'll be fine I have a very strong immune system you know," Namjoon says making a muscle gesture trying to lighten the mood.

Jimmy chuckles before going over to me a pulling me into another warm gentle hug as he lets go he whispers, "I hope you feel better soon" to me. I say thank you and then we get led to our dressing room.

The first thing others do when they get in is eat some of the food the show had provided. Now despite how good all the food looked, I decide not to eat any. Instead I go to get my makeup and hair done and then go on my phone.

Now, of all the brilliant things I could look up on the internet, I'm stuck looking up pressure points for nausea. Yes, I could just a someone for an anti-nausea pill but then they'd worry and stop me from performing.

Just as I'm about to try the point Jimin comes to check up on me, "Hi hyung, how are you feeling?"

I contemplate telling him the truth but I opt not to instead "I'm fine Jimin"

"Are you sure? You really don't look well"

I tell him I'm fine again and this time he doesn't pry anymore. I glance over at the fast food the others are eating, maybe eating would make my stomach feel less like it's... slowly curdling.

As I walk over to the table a plethora of scents waft up my nose. Now on any other day, I would have loved the smell of McDonald's and KFC frolicking in my nostrils but today my body was just not having it.

Taehyung's POV

I look up to see Namjoon walking to our table, I guess he's feeling slightly better. Before I can open my mouth to ask he makes a 180-degree turn and grabbed a plastic bag from one of the chairs. At first, I thought he was going to use it as a rubbish bag or something but then I heard him gag and my mind was changed.

Normal POV

Namjoon suddenly gags into the plastic bag, his stomach is in knots and he can feel acid moving up his throat. He gags again bringing up a large wave of sick, he barely gets a break before more vomit hits the bag.

Yoongi, Jungkook, and Taehyung all make their way over to Namjoon, they pat his back and mumble sweet nothings into his ear. The vomiting continues for another 5 minutes before the vocalist's stomach lets up. The other Jin and Hoseok watch from afar while Jimin goes to get the staff.

"You okay?" Jungkook asks "Well obviously you're not but..." he trails off. Namjoon shakes his head, "I feel sick. My tummy hurts" he moans grabbing his side. You know stuff is serious when Namjoon says tummy instead of stomach. He drops down to his knees starting to puke into the bag again.

"How long has it been hurting you?" Taehyung asks patting his back. "Two days before Jimin got sick but it wasn't this bad just on and off," Namjoon says through gritted teeth. Taehyung and Jungkook look shocked "Hyung!?" They say in unison "Why didn't u say anything?"

"Didn't... feel, that bad then" he mutters. Jimin soon comes back in with the staff and the company doctor is shocked to see how namjoon looks and it's certainly not good. The doctor checks over the youngest rapper checking his breathing and his temperature.

"39 degrees" the doctor starts tutting "that's not good where abouts does it hurt?" He asks staring at namjoon with urgency.

"It was the middles but but now it's my right side" He says keeping one hand on his abdomen and the other to point. "From what I've seen and what you've told me, it looks like Appendicitis."

The members gasp and one of the staff members whispers an 'Oh my God'. Namjoon just sits there in shock and disbelief. He opens his mouth to speak but all that comes out is a pained groan.

The doctor speaks up,"I think it would be best if you go to the hospital for surgery instantly, you can't preform tonight."

The others seem a bit sad about the news but the understand that it's definitely better for Namjoon to get surgery than to suffer. "B-but I have to perform... I" Namjoon tries to argue but stops half way swallowing thickly.

"No Namjoon." Hoseok says sternly, Jin nods and says "Your health is way more important go get your appendix out."

"Oh um okay" Namjoon says grimacing as the doctor helps him up. "What about the show" "Joon we'll be fine, we're just dancing you know, go." Yoongi comforts he himself knows the severity of appendicitis.

In the end Namjoon stops trying to find reasons to stay and gives into missing the show. He sits in the back of the doctors car and closes his eyes briefly. His stomach is really aching now and he's starting to worry.

"I won't die... will I?" The rapper mumbles. "Of course not Namjoon, don't be silly. You'll be just fine I promise" he says smiling sympatheticly. "Okay" he whispers feeling a bit more safe.

The doctor helps Joon out of the car and leads him into the ER. He explains to another doctor what's going on with Namjoon and he prepares him for surgery.

The last thing Namjoon remebes is being pushed on a gurney and then his vision goes black.

~~~

When he wakes up he's in a bright room that smells like roses and cleaning products. He tries to sit up but moans slightly at the soreness he does feels better though.

"Hi Namjoon, How u feeling?" The company doctor asks seeing he's awake "Better but also kinda sore" Namjoon replies. "That's normal to happen" Namjoon looks up at the clock the boys performance time.

"Can I go back now, I think I could make the performance" The doctor chuckles and shakes his head "No Namjoon you can't u need to rest, you can watch the show though."

The rapper nods and they turn on the room's TV. The show goes well and Namjoon smiles proudly those are his boys. Even if he can't be there with then on stage he still feels as though they're there with him in the hospital and later on they do.

Giving him hugs and hair ruffles and a Get well soon message from Jimmy Fallon. He really has the best members namjoon thinks to himself.

Sorry if the endings a bit bad my brain kinda gave up.

#bts emeto #bts sickfic #tw emeto ment #bts #sickfic #mentions of vomit #sick!namjoon #caretaker!ot7 #jimmy fallon too lol

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

The Savior

Summary: Y/N tries to make Dean believe he was her savior, but he knows it's the other way around.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Nothing explicit. Major angst. Sadness. Talk of illness and death. TW: Cancer. Sorry.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x OFC

Word Count: 629

A/N: So, I’ve decided to do all 30 of these writing prompts. I may miss a day here and there, but I’m going to try to do one a day, and I will be completing all 30 no matter what.  They won’t always be in order.  This fic will be for the prompt: Write something angsty.

Hope you enjoy! I will be putting together a Masterlist for all 30 prompts and adding it to my main Masterlist.

A/N 2: I apologize for the sadness here, this idea just came to mind and I had to write it out and get the sad out. And the prompt demanded it. The OFC in this fic isn't named, and in theory it could be a reader insert, but I hated the idea of putting any of my readers into this one. This is written in Dean's POV.

The beautiful text divider below was created by @talesmaniac89.

The room is so quiet when she's sleeping. Only the soft electric hum of machines can be heard, or the occasional soft-soled footfall of a nurse walking by.

I hate the quiet. I hate how empty it is and how it reminds me that there's nothing I can do, reminds me how weak and powerless I am in the face of this...monster that's slowly pulling apart the woman I love. Every day, every hour, every minute, another little piece of her is eaten up.

She's lost the battle, and it's one I couldn't fight for her. Though, I would have; if it had been possible, I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat. But hell doesn't make deals anymore, and heaven is all closed up to us mortals down here.

I've tried; I've prayed and screamed and cursed God and heaven, angels, devils and saints alike. No one is listening anymore. It's what we wanted, what we fought for, free will and choice. Our stories are ours to write.

And she's decided to write her ending. It's been two months since she laid down her arms and conceded the fight. I shouted at her for that, told her she was a warrior, a hunter, a fighter, a Winchester if only in name, and Winchesters don't quit.

She'd stayed calm while I raged. So unusual for us. In the twelve years we'd been together we'd loved and fought, and made up and loved, and then fought again, from sea to shining sea.

She always refused to let me get away with anything, refused to let me settle, refused to let me give up on myself, refused to let me believe I wasn't good enough for her, refused to walk away from me, refused to let me hate myself. She refused to let me keep hurting.

She saved me. Every day. Completely.

It was the reason I wasn't willing to let her give up, wasn't going to let her rest; we would fight, it's what we did, it's what we knew to do.

But she knew better. She knew her beautiful warrior's body was broken, it was tired. She was tired.

"So tired." She'd said, as I stood, fuming and absolutely terrified as I saw the truth of her words. I could see it in her frail body, her shaven head, her beautiful face, with bones that stood out too prominently.

"I'm just model chic now." She'd joked, instead of crying about the illness that was eating away at her soft, strong body.

She'd fought for two years, seven months, three weeks, and four days. But now she was done. So I stopped shouting, stopped making her feel as though she was giving up. She wasn't quitting. She'd more than earned her rest.

So, now she lays beside me, breath shallow, fingers stick skinny where her hand sits in mine. I trace the blue veins that run just under her paper thin skin, and let the tears fall. I know the time is close.

Her soul is attached to mine, and I can feel it fading.

As her last gift to me, her eyes flutter open and they smile at me. I lift my hand and ever so gently trace the curve of her delicate jaw. Even such small touches can cause her so much pain sometimes. But now she closes her eyes briefly, melting slightly into my palm.

Her eyes open again and she murmurs low and breathy, the chemicals in her blood stealing away her voice. I listen close.

"My hero, Dean Winchester." A rattled inhale. "My savior."

I press my lips to hers and she gives me her last breath, which I use to exhale the truth to her as she slips away.

"No, you've always been the savior."

Tags under the cut:

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @siospins2 @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @nt-multi-fandom 2 - Dean Winchester Fics Only. @saikosheadcanons @lgranger67 @carryonwaywardgirl 3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @sunshineandwings86 @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @awkward-and-indecisive @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @b3autyfuldisast3r @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @fangirlxwritesx67 @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @mysherlock221b @jensensgotyoudean @stixnstripesworld @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @norman1967 @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy @b-i-t-c-h-i-e @twirpbunwarrior @mysweetlittledesire @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79

Masterlist Tag Lists

#30 days writing challenge #dean winchester #dean winchester fan fic #spn fan fic #dean x ofc #dean angst #tw: illness #tw: cancer

[allwaswell16]

2022 Writing Self-Evaluation

I was tagged by: @boosbabycakes28 @chai-hat-tea @lunarheslwt @larrieblr @wabadabadaba @disgruntledkittenface @onlythebravest @starsweredible @thedevilinmybrain

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 7

2. Total word count posted to AO3 for the year: 100, 852

3. List of works published this year: these are in order by date posted

Ace of Spades

But We Could Be So Good

Should Have Known

Walk of Shame

Next Door 

St. Elena 

This Beautiful Fantastic 

4. Work you are most proud of (and why): Probably Ace of Spades. It's a fic I've been thinking about for years, probably since I started writing fics. It was the first time for me writing a true adaptation, and it was a subject matter...pirates...that I hadn't ever written before either. It was quite interesting adapting something like this. In the past I've adapted things but made them into something modern, whereas in this one I made the story a/b/o and changed the point of view. lol is that actually different than what I've done before? I don't know, I'm tired.

5. Work you are least proud of (and why): I wouldn't say I'm not proud of any of them. I'd say I mostly just wish I'd been able to write more.

6. A favorite excerpt of your writing: from Ace of Spades

“Louis?” he asked, frightened at the sound. The room seemed to vibrate with it.

Louis smiled down at him. “Don’t worry, love. Just whales. You can hear them talk to each other on nights like this. They sound a bit sad at first, but the more you listen to them the less melancholy they sound. When I hear them now, their voices sound as charming as a songbird. Would you like something to drink?”

Harry nodded, so Louis held him up, supporting him in his arms as he helped him sip a cup of water. When he was done, Harry had no desire to be released from Louis’ strength. “Could we sit by the window? I want to hear the whales more clearly.”

Without speaking, Louis picked him up and carefully brought him to the window bench. Harry kept his hands clutched to Louis’ shirt, staring into the chest and soft hair he found there. Louis seemed to know what he desired and opened his shirt further so that Harry could press his cheek against the skin there. 

“I wonder what whales talk about,” Harry said against Louis’ chest.

“Mm? Well, I suppose they’ve heard you’re ill.” A loud moan called from the sea. “Ah, now they’re saying how terribly sorry they are to hear of your sickness. They’ve decided to send one of them to fetch cool breezes from the Arctic to keep you comfortable.”

Harry smiled against Louis’ skin. Another whale moaned an answering call.

“Now they’ve saying that when you’ve recovered, you’re welcome to go whale back riding.”

With a snort, Harry curled into Louis’ body further. They were quiet for a time, simply listening to the whales in the night.

7. Share or describe a favorite comment you received: This is part of a comment that I loved..."i wish i could erase all memory i have of this fic just so that i can read it again with fresh eyes again and again. i will definitely reread this one"

8. A time when writing was really, really hard: All the time? lol. That's not entirely true, but I just didn't find myself with a lot of time to write. Or maybe the emotional capacity to write. It's been a hard year.

9. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wrote a lot of Zayn this year, including some Zayn pov, which was new for me, and I really enjoyed writing the Zayn characters more than I ever have.

10. How did you grow as a writer this year: I noticed something surprising happening this year, which is that I became someone who can write thousands of words at a time. That used to be something that rarely happened for me. I would be good about writing almost every day, but not writing a lot in one sitting. I'm not entirely sure how this has happened, but I'm not mad about it lol.

11. How do you hope to grow next year: I always want to find something new to write and work on, so I'm definitely have some new things planned for that Chicago fic for sure...kid fic, mpreg. New territories for me right there. Also, I want to work more on how I write details in my writing. I feel like I've improved a lot, but I have more there to work on.

12. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I feel emotional thinking about everyone who has helped me this year. Always always always @taggiecb, my writing soulmate, read everything I wrote (even though she's never even read or seen Harry Potter and had to google things to understand my Drarry fics) and gave me the motivation and desire to keep writing. @louandhazaf for being such an amazing beta and polishing everything up and always being willing to jump in with whatever genre I've decided on next. @lululawrence is always there for me to kick my ass when I need it and also keeps me from doing stupid things lol. @nouies for being so kind and supportive and generous with her cheerleading and art. My Drarry fics would not have existed without @haztobegood and @fallinglikethis dragging me through them when I felt like giving up. I feel like I could go cry now.

13. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: not really. I think I subconsciously stayed far away from my real life. lol.

14. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: When I talk about the things I want to work on in my writing, it's because I've read it elsewhere. The more I analytically read, the more I find things to work on with my own writing.

15. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I'm signed up to write a fic based on Chicago for the @faithinthefutureficfest which I'm really excited about! And I'm going to run the @louisrarepairfest again in 2023 with the same schedule, so I'll definitely write something for that, too.

16. Tag 3 writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I'm going to tag more than 3... everyone I've tagged in the post for other reasons + @kingsofeverything @thinlinez @homosociallyyours @louistomlionson @jacaranda-bloom @pocketsunshineharry @phd-mama @evilovesyou @parmahamlarrie and anyone who wants to do this!

--Went looking for @juliusschmidt's original form and realized how much it's changed over the years! So I just picked one and went with it--

Past years: 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 , 2021

#self eval #self eval 2022 #i got weird and emotional doing this #i think i need more sleep

[wifeofwandamaximoff]

You promised - Wanda Maximoff

Warnings: Fluff, swear words, suicide attempt, self-harm, blood, drowning

Gender Neutral Y/n

(You have no permission to repost this or translate this on any other platform.)

(A/N: This is my first post so dont judge but I always have my requests open unless I say I dont. I'm open to a lot of things and I will be happy to write whatever you guys desire! I'll try to update as much as I can)

"Babe I'll be on a mission and ill come home tomorrow! Love you detka!" Wanda yelled before boarding the quinjet.

"Ok baby be safe. Love you!" I yelled back to her. I then quickly go back to my room after saying goodbye to my girlfriend.

I felt empty. I felt too tired to do anything. I felt too fat. Why would Wanda ever get in a relationship with me? She deserves so much better then me.

I want to feel something I thought to my self. I quickly get off mine and Wanda's shared bed and head to the bathroom. I go into my closet to find my razor blade I've been hiding.

I quickly found it and I touched the blade. It was dull. I then quickly ran into the bedroom and went into my things. Wanda knows not to go through my things other wise I get pissed. So I know Wanda hasn't found my other blades.

I then found my sharpest blade and sliced my finger a little bit. A cut was forming where I had dragged the blade on my finger. I felt a stinging sensation that I craved more of. I quickly got excited and ran into the bathroom. I then sat my self in the tub and started filling it up with water to drown my self if the blade wasn't doing enough.

I then started dragging the blade on my arms and legs. Making deep cuts in my skin that started bleeding almost instantly. I love this feeling.

I know Wanda will grieve but she will get over my death quickly right? I know Wanda could do so much better than me. She'll move on and forget me and live a happy life right?

Before I knew it I started feeling dizzy. But I didn't care I kept dragging the blade across my skin making more countless cuts on my body. I then focused on the water and seeing it was crimson red made me feel guilt inside for leaving Wanda. But it was too late.

Maybe I didn't wanna die. But I couldn't care at the moment and then dropped the blade in the water making it float around. And whenever it made contact with my body it made a cut.

I then sunk my head under the water letting the void consume me with open arms greeting me already.

Wanda's pov:

When I left the compound for my mission with Y/n's sister, Natasha, Tony, and Steve. I had a bad feeling something was gonna happen. But I ignored and believe it was me being paranoid for leaving Y/n home. But I just couldn't shake the feeling.

We were about to arrive at a abandoned Hydra base to get some files when all of a sudden we got an emergency alert from FRIDAY.

"Sir Miss Dahlia is in need of medical attention." said the voice that echoed.

"What do you mean FRIDAY?" asked Stark. I didn't have to look in their minds to see worry etched on their faces. Especially mine and Natasha's.

"It seems like Miss Dahlia is attempting suicide." echoed the voice.

Thats all it took for my world to crumble. My heart felt like it was shattered into a thousand pieces. Maybe even more than that.

"Turn the jet around Tony! My sister is dying so you better move your ass and head back to the compound as quickly as we can go!" screamed your sister Natasha.

Tony stood there frozen but then quickly snapped back into reality when your sister screamed at him.

He then started turning the jet around while me and Natasha were just crying and Steve had tears in his eyes but he tried to comfort us. Knowing that it wouldn't work but still tried.

We were on the other side of the country in Las Vegas while Y/n was in New York. It would be about an hour flight since the jet could go faster then anything I've ever seen and I've never been more relieved for it than this situation.

"FRIDAY alert everyone in the compound about the situation and bring her to med bay" I commanded FRIDAY.

"I have already alerted them Miss Maximoff."

For most of the way back to New York were just sounds of mine and Natasha's sobs and Steve's and Tony's little sniffles here and them.

--------------------------------------

When we arrived at the compound I dashed out of the jet and headed straight for med bay.

I then saw Maria, Fury, Bucky, Sam. and Clint standing outside the doors that led to a room. Which I assume leads to were Y/n is getting help from Dr. Cho and Bruce.

"Let me in!" I shouted at them.

"Wanda they're operating on her." said Bucky and was then interrupted by Sam.

"Its gonna be a while since they just started operating on her get some rest Wanda. And you also Natasha." Sam said as Natasha just arrived.

I knew there was no point in arguing since all of them would get hurt if I used my powers. My powers sometimes depend on my emotions. And at the moment I think if I use a little I'll lose control and hurt everyone in the room and maybe hurt Y/n.

--------------------------------------

There will def be a part too bc why not just for the sakes of your hearts.

Until Next time darlings!

#wanda imagine #wanda maximov #wanda x y/n #wanda maximoff #angst #natasha romanoff

[samrieimg]

would love to hear anything you’re willing to say about the fnc concubine au :)

(also hope you’re recovering well man ♥️)

So, the Concubine AU is going to be a hard one to finish and to pace in a way that makes it "redeemable" but also engagingly dark/worth its AU.

That makes me sound like I'm killing puppies, but really when you add non-consent and want something to end happy and also want characters to both be seen as ultimately morally good, you have to lay foundation to get readers to buy that.

to sum up plot summary: events occur pre-canon, Ch!p has a no good very bad day and ends up a prisoner of the human-hating Undersea who don't disguise how little they wish ill will, and he's assigned to the reluctant champion who looks like he'd rather skewer Ch!p. Ch!p finds either he plays into his role or he's going to end up dead.

When I first went into it, I thought "okay, well obviously canon Undersea isn't super dark so I can't go super harsh" and tritons according to DND lore usually spare people based on how good of heart they are.

Then, JR/WI lore said otherwise. Ok. Re-write. Fish people gonna be assholes.

As usual, I love my Ch!p POV, and so that helps balance the dark tone, because you have room for comedy with him.

So from the get go it's going to emphasize Ch!p does not matter to the Undersea. His life is literally seen as less than the life of a fish. He is nothing, and if they spare him, it's not out of regard for him. They can and will revoke and kill him if need be. Ch!p very much faces the "You don't matter :)" severe trauma.

The challenge becomes how to present Gil. It took a few reworks, but with a lot of canon filtering in about his backstory, I settled on selling the narrative he's just as much a prisoner as Ch!p. But still, can't give him too much sympathy right out the gate and Ch!p isn't about to be treated to Gil devolving his entire life story to a human, so it's about non-subtly emphasizing how much of Gil's life is decided for him and how little freedom he has.

And how his human pet he's given is basically the only companionship he gets and how even if he loathes humans, Gil can't pretend forever he's not lonely.

Theres also the fun thing of an impending stack of cards falling as Ch!p does what he does best, and thinks he can lie and bluff and cheat his way out of this situation.

As we know, Gil hates liars :).

Ultimately, story gets to end very happy.

And depending on how much I want to push the bill on the E material, I may go "lets go poetic" or "lets go raunchy." Def E material, but also I don't want to cheapshot out and have forced-concubine AU that's "oh, but the captor is nice so its okay!" trope. My co-writer and I do disagree a little I've noticed. My tastes always lean a little darker.

I think honestly unless I plan for shorter stories I'm never getting any of my ideas done X_x. I always want to take 100k words, but the commit 10k only.

#Author rambles

[nameification]

🌈💞💌 for the fic writer asks?

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

this one applies to both polaroids and the taken fic but like. for the taken one specifically I am so disappointed bc. I only did the chapter for ren and I really wanted to add the grian chapter but I just couldn't bring myself to do it and there's an entire scene where I use my knowledge abt 19th century clockworks and also what I've been told abt menory illnesses and just 19th century knowledge but I cannot bring myself to work on it no matter what. I also remember planning the etho chapter because I had Ideas for that. for polaroids I had like. a sort of corkboard in my mind abt just what to do and I wanna rewrite it and then ALSO This Place Is Not A Place Of Honor and I have like. one chapter written and a few illustrations already when I just. gave up

💞what's the most important part of the story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammer etc), the figurative language

OKAY SO when reading, it is always to me character and/or grammar. I've clicked off so many fics i thought would be interesting bc the characters were just Wrong. I can excuse grammar sometimes and if I can tell a fic will just have shit grammar I might click on it out of morbid curiosity (ahem that one time I liveblogged a fic in class) but I've built up enough resilience against subpar grammar to be. fine with it as a reader

as a writer, what I said above but also the figurative language because there's something about using a metaphor that hits just right for that specific character in that specific moment that feels so satisfying. when writing characters you don't want them to feel Off in a way that would make a reader unsatisfied and its okay to have a few grammar errors in fic (especially common ones, fic is free and beta readers are hard to come by) but just. be careful

💌share something about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited

OKAY so I actually have plans for some star rail fics but they're not fully realized yet and they're going to be infinitely more planned than what I have planned as fics for poor alhaitham but for now I wanna do clara & svarog fics where its just slice of life (and then a fic of when clara is grown up bc I write angst for a reason. robodad and his human child give me so much joy I love them So Much), a luocha and welt fic, a welt and void archives fic (copius amounts of Gay. old men yaoi. I have to finish apho 2 before this one because I still haven't done that) and also a fic with kafka (and maybe elio) in it (the heavens knows I'll be able to finish... one of those. maybe two)

anyways here's some snippets from wips wherein I hurt alhaitham the one on the left like. half-scrapped but only half-scrapped cause I still wanna work on it. it'll just take A While to do so

(I actually really like the writing style I chose for the one on the left cause its like. dottore's thought process and inner mind and. actually I want to show more I love how I wrote the first part so much and technically I can call it done but it would be injustice to the hurt part of hurt/comfort if I just stopped there)

I need to write in this style mor. it works best when the character is acting-to the beat of my vocabulary-Out There and Wild but a "softer" scene has been laid out by past me and I think I can utilize the way I write him to turn him into a threat even if 3rd person limited only limits us to outsider reactions of his character

actually just. about this fic in general is that I plan for it to have 3 really long chapters with the third being the longest (because thats where all the comfort will take place) and the first two are gonna be strictly in third person limited while the third one will also probs be 3pl except I change which character that perspective belongs to but I'm gonna try to limit myself to as few pov shifts as possible

oh god its 130am here. I like to ramble don't I. If I feel it I might ramble in the morning

#viv.txt #the mailbox #ask game #WHERE DID MY TAGS GO ???? #anyways I was rambling abt the fic and rmabled abt how its low on my priority list #because the two other fics I am currently working on either just need one more chapter #or they're oneshots of a larger series #seriously where did my tags go

[missymurphy1985]

The Heartache (Cillian Murphy X wife!OC)

Warning - character illness / angst

This is written from Cillian's POV. His wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, writing this diary is his wife's suggestion, something to help him cope.

If this is something that upsets you, I won't be offended if you don't read it, and I'll remove you from the taglist with no hard feelings at all 💜

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton @jardinsecos @bitchwhytho @gypsy-girl-08 @queenofkings1212

So Lucy thought this would be a good idea. An outlet for me. Somewhere I could offload my feelings without it affecting her or the kids - somewhere I could be selfish, say what I truly thought...

In all honesty, I think it's probably the worst thing for me right now, but she's normally right about this kinda shit so here we are.

So where to begin... I suppose the beginning, right? Do I go back to the beginning beginning? I suppose that's as good a start as any...

I met Lucy in high school. She was my first and only true love. I knew from the day I set eyes on her, she was the one for me. Took me until we were 16 to convince her to let me take her on a date... We've been together ever since. I proposed to her on a hike in Kerry, down on one knee - nearly broke my fucking neck climbing that hill, but it was worth it when she said yes at the top. We married when we turned 22... My god she looked radiant... When I close my eyes that's the first image of her I see. Walking towards me down the aisle on her father's arm... Strapless, ivory, flowing dress.. ivory and red roses in her hand... Her dark hair pinned back with an ivory rose tucked behind her ear... I'm not ashamed to admit I choked. I couldn't believe this absolute queen had chosen me. I felt like the luckiest man on the planet.

Ava joined us a couple of years after we married. I found out while I was filming 28 Days Later. Hard to concentrate when you're told your wife is pregnant, all you want to do is go home and be there for her... Danny Boyle's kindness was overwhelming. He increased the filming schedule so I could be home sooner.

I will never forget walking through the front door that Friday evening after my flight... Lucy was in the kitchen tidying up, with the most beautiful of baby bumps. Only 4 months pregnant, but blossoming.

I wrapped my arms around them both, stroking her belly softly and kissing her neck, promising to be home more. Work could wait - my family couldn't. We made love twice that night and she had never looked sexier to me. Carrying my baby.

When Ava was born, Lucy was incredible. The strongest I've ever seen her... Even when she lost so much blood, and needed a transfusion, she never complained once. Discharged herself from hospital after a week, desperate to be home with us, be a mum to Ava. And my god, what a mum... From dealing with night feeds and nappy changes, suspected meningitis that thankfully turned out to just be a nasty viral infection, she took it all in her stride. I was the one panicking, she just dealt with everything thrown her way like a warrior.

We tried for more children, but it never happened for us. We were happy enough with Ava. A sibling would have been nice for her, but she had so many cousins she never felt alone. She grew up with my brother's daughter, Lila, and Enda's son Niall.

After 28 Days Later, I was in demand... Movies and plays followed, but I always made sure I had a minimum 6 month gap between any work I did. No press, no filming, just Lucy, me and Ava. Nothing in the world was more important to me. And nothing could come between us. We were riding on the greatest wave of happiness, lost in our own little bubble.

Until that day. That day, nearly a month ago, that our lives were turned upside down...

The day I found out that something could come between us... And there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.

Chemo and radiotherapy is our life. Weekly appointments in the oncology ward. A nurse assigned to us from McMillan, helping us through the pain and the fear...

It started with pain. Lower back pain that wouldn't go away. She had physio, did yoga, Pilates.. nothing helped. Finally, she was sent for an MRI scan, and they found the shadow in her pelvis.

She took the news like the warrior she is. Stoic. Strong. I crumbled. Couldn't be in the room. Ran out and found the nearest toilet, and threw up my breakfast. Fun fact - bacon and eggs does not taste good in reverse.

She told me off. Said I needed to get a grip for hers and Ava's sake.. obviously she's right. She's always right. She always knows what to do, what to say. So I need to man up now. My turn to take the lead. My turn to take care of her now.

Pain... how long had she had the pain? Was this why we couldn't conceive again? Why didn't we investigate it.. we could have caught it sooner, we could have cured her, we could have saved her...

That's the fucking question of the year isn't it?

Ava's 7 now. She knows her mama is sick.. and she's a trouper just like her. She lays with Lucy in bed when she's home from chemo and too ill to do anything other than lie there with Ava in her arms. All I can do is learn how to be strong for them. How to accept that this is our reality now.

How?

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy x fanfiction #cillian murphy x oc #cillian murphy x requests #cillian x oc #cillian fanfic

[huevokinder24]

Okay so I've seen many people rage and basically disown He Yu after the latest chapters, and all I can say is that you guys are overlooking quite a few things here:

Firstly, I don't think HY should be held to the same standards as a normal, mentally stable person. He's a sociopath, and yet he hasn't acted like one till now. "but he's sexually assaulted someone before" yes, and he did that while having an attack. that's true. but here's the thing, he did it because he knew it was wrong. If you look up ASPD you'll see sociopaths make no distinction bt good or bad, and they do not feel any guilt. Doesn't sound like HY, does it? he did feel sorry and tried to make it up to XQC. he was perfectly aware that he'd done something horrifying. He said so himself, "if I can't make someone love me, at least there will be hate in the future". He was so desperate to have any connection to someone he was willing to go to that extreme. He wasn't in his right mind back then, yet he knew what he was doing.

This brings me to the second point. HY's backstory, aka pain and trauma and child neglect and all that jazz. I believe even a sane person would have snapped way before him. People are not saints, we're humans, and we all have our limits. Expecting someone to act like a saint and condemn them when they do wrong just because they're fictional is ridiculous. Humans are flawed. They make mistakes and bad choices. It's human nature, which is something always present in MB's novels.

You can't expect a normal person to endure all that and not break, much less a mentally ill one. And yet, it took HY 23 years and a lot of pain and trauma to fully give in to his demons.

The third point is that we still don't know what happened to HY in Australia, we've barely had his pov since he came back. We don't know what's going on in his head, really. Is that actually him? or is it something else? Doesn't seem like he's pretending, but he's also a lot different from the previous HY. Is he being controlled? manipulated? Did he go nuts? De. Don't. Know. For. Sure. What we do know is that MB always writes with a purpose. We simply don't know which one it is for now.

Also, rn HY is dealing with A LOT of trauma. He basically lost all the will to live in the naval battle. He thought he was betrayed in the worst possible way, he was dying and all he could think of was how unloved, unlovable and alone he was. Add that to the rest of his backstory and you'll get a fucking bomb. Ffs, the kid literally hallucinated someone who cared for him, how sad is that??. No wonder he snapped. No wonder he wants revenge. He's like a wounded animal, hurt and out for blood. If that's what this is about.

Does that justify his actions? hell no. Does it explain it? I'd say so. MB doesn't write likeable characters. She writes realistic characters, fucked up characters. She writes about humans and human nature, and that's hardly ever pretty, but fuck if it isn't real. That's why her novels are so good.

#rant rant rant #i have faith in Meatbun #hope that doesn't backfire lmaoo #bing an ben #case file compendium #he yu #xie qingcheng #hexie #meatbun doesn't eat meat

[scaramouche-bully]

i hope this isn't rude to ask, but why do you write dark content topics like noncon and abuse? i'm a s/a and abuse survivor who had no problem with these things before my trauma but afterwards i became angry at people who made such content. now i'm trying to remember that people have different reasons for writing these things and i've been asking writers what their thoughts are. i've been following you for a while and i know you're kind and not ill intentioned in your writing, so i was wondering what your views are. this isn't meant to be hateful at all and i am just curious and want to understand. if this makes you uncomfortable feel free to delete it!

Hello anon,

Don't worry, this isn't rude to ask at all. I respect that you want to understand and this is from curiosity rather than being hateful (which I don't take your ask as such) and that you remember that there's a person behind the work. To be honest, I don't really know how to answer your question so I might go on a tangent. I hope you don't take my words as fact or my entire thought process but I just want to say:

I don't support rape or abuse. I don't want anyone to think that just because I write it, I fantasize about it or condone it in any way. I don't. I'm not trying to offend or make anyone angry, that's why I tag everything twice and add a read more. It's your choice whether to believe me or not, I just ask that you don't harass me under those assumptions.

To put it bluntly, it's just writing to me. When you see people write or do something really obscure or relating to dark content, you're completely right to assume it's because they're interested in those topics. But that's not necessarily the same for everything and everyone. I can't speak on the behalf of every single writer out there but personally, it's just something to explore from an omniscient point of view. I'm not going to bullshit you or sugarcoat my words, I'm not a survivor and the harassment and abuse that I have suffered aren't traumatic to me. That's why I can think that way and it's not because I have any ill-intent or I'm trying to undermine or pretend that those issues aren't serious. They are. Personally, I would get very upset as well because, in my mind, someone is taking something very personal and traumatic and doing what? Writing about it with fictional characters that they want to fuck? It feels insulting in a way. Naturally, I have no idea what you feel but that's how I would react.

But it's similar to any murder/mafia au or even yandere. Does that mean I like killing people or obsessive behaviour? No, absolutely not. When I write a character or direct a movie and someone is shooting someone, does that mean I'm into violence or condone guns? No, that was not the intention at all. We can say it's "not the same thing" and you're totally valid to think that way. But for me, it is. I'm not pretending as if murder or abuse doesn't exist or it's something to want. When it's in shows or books, no one really bats an eye to that. Maybe it's the stigma with fanfic authors that we're all 13-year old quotev writers/readers (I used to be one so I'm really just making fun of myself here) that we rightfully assume it's because we like those topics or we fantasize about being in those situations. Because why else would I want to read or write about x reader fics with those topics?

You don't need me to tell you that it's reasonable to be angry at people that make dark content. I myself, don't really like dark content that much either. I don't daydream about being used and I don't like feeling upset. Which I guess doesn't make sense especially for the type of fics I write. But when I actually write, there's a major disconnect between fiction and reality and I understand that it's not like that for everyone else. Writers pov compared to a reader's pov I feel is very different. I can be a selfish person and write this way because I've never been through it. But it's never from a place of disrespect and I apologize if it feels that way but I can't control what you feel. All I ask is that you read the tags and determine whether or not you want to associate with it. To me, it's just words on a paper and action queues I'm giving to imaginary characters. I'm not fantasizing about anything, I don't even like sex that much. I just think it's something to write that I feel like doing. For example, I don't care for Venti at all. He's cute I guess but I don't want to fuck him. But I still write for him and how I write makes it seem as if I actually look at Venti that way. I don't, it's just writing. I guess it's the same question as to why do you write in general. Because it's fun? I wouldn't really call it "fun" and more of a hobby that I like to do. This doesn't really make sense since people that do anything as a hobby naturally assume they have a passion or like it. In a sense, it's kind of like this: You enjoy drawing but if someone asked you to draw a monster, yes you could do it because you like to draw but it's not like you're putting your heart or deep emotional thoughts into it. It's just a drawing of a monster. You've never had an experience with a monster (in a fictional sense) so there's nothing for you to be traumatized with. There might be some aspects, spikes or tentacles, that make you uncomfortable, sure. And people can find deeper meanings in your work and make assumptions when there isn't, to you it's just an image.

I know this is an incredibly shitty way to explain why I write dark content because it sounds like I don't care or I think abuse/noncon subjects don't matter because it's "just words on a paper". I get it, in movies when the protagonist is abused or has been a survivor of rape and that doesn't go anywhere. That it's just a way for the movie to pity the main character or to explain why they act a certain way, it feels cheap and manufactured and I hate it. But I always believe that as long as you aren't doing anything illegal or endangering yourself + others, I don't care what you do. When I see topics that I personally find disgusting or don't like, I just move on. They aren't hurting me in any way and they're allowed to write what they want to write. I know that isn't the same for everyone and that kind of thinking is very romanticized but I like to think that I'm smart enough to know when that thinking breaks or isn't acceptable.

Sorry that I keep drawing comparisons, it's just how I like to explain things and it's easier for me to explain my thoughts that way. My writing is like a snow globe. Sure it has some real connotations with the snow that comes from nature, but it's not real snow. It's an overly pretty, dream-like world, that can never be cold and doesn't show how awful living with a lot of snow does to you. People that have never seen snow, they'll love it because it doesn't remind them of actual snow since they've never experienced it. But I have, I live in NA. Except I understand that it's just a snow globe. Sure it might make someone uncomfortable for any reason, but it doesn't for me and at the end of the day, it's just an object to me. You can take that as a very selfish way of thinking but I'm not going to throw my snowglobe in the trash just because someone doesn't like it. I know for a fact that anything I write isn't meant to trigger or make anyone upset, I write it because I want to explore those topics. I don't think it's hot, I don't think it's okay, and I don't condone it in real life. But it's just writing to me, it's just fiction, it's a way for me to explore those topics in a way that I am comfortable. If you don't like it and it triggers you, that is completely okay and understandable, but that wasn't my intention and I'm not going to stop.

I hope that answers your question and gives you a bit of insight into my views. I know my way of thinking isn't for everyone and you're allowed to disagree with it. Dark content is a very thin line that a lot of people aren't comfortable with and I acknowledge that. I don't even like dark content that much but I'm not going to stop writing about it. I'll tag everything, crop away topics that trigger people, and to be honest, I don't find myself writing about dark content ever unless an anon asks for it. But if you don't like me or disagree with what I've said, the block button is right there.

- 🐑

#tw dark content #sheep talks #anon ask

[vidalinav]

I want to explore my writing skills what are some good tips for a beginner? :)

Yikes... I haven't been a beginner for a really long time now so let me think about what I did to get more comfortable with my writing and how I developed my own writing style. I'm focusing on skill and not story development, because I suck at that.

One, I would say try other formats/ways of writing. Try different povs, different tenses, different genres. Try writing things with really long descriptions and then those with mostly dialogue. Try only writing action and movement and thought. Try writing different characters. A lot of this stuff is basic skills and I think it's pretty helpful to develop these to a greater extent, but to also find out what you're most comfortable writing with. It definitely helps if you're struggling with a story. Sometimes, you have to change the pov or tense. Sometimes you might have an imbalance of dialogue, plot, thought, and description. Also it's just really cool to see what you can do if with specific constraints like a specific genre or writing something where the characters don't speak at all or without any constraints at all. It's partly why I like prompts sometimes and why I like mixing up different ships lol.

Two, sharpen you're editing skills. I promise you, every thing sucks in the beginning. At least I always think so when I'm writing. It's only good when I edit (the bane of my existence). I will read every sentence out loud, since I don't know sound helps me a lot. I'm pretty auditory. I will read it in the most dramatic voice possible lol, or the pauses or extremely fast. Whatever helps and it does really help.

Three, experiment with words. How do you describe things without telling the reader what you mean. It's that show vs tell scenario, but I consider it to be a little bit more fun. Because it's a game. How can you describe that this character is ill without every using the words I feel sick? Using color is so fun, too. Shades of pink and bubblegum and watermelon. Texture. Sound. Really use those senses, but also connect them to thought and emotion. There are some really cool ways to build a scene, but I think people underestimate how many of these things can be integrated across the board. You can connect setting and context to charactization, to the characters emotion at any give time.

Four, have fun with it... because you will get frustrated. This is very cliché, but it must be said. Writing is an art as well as a skill. Anyone can do it, but not every one can do it the same. I think it's important just to keep writing, because slowly it will evolve over time. But it's also important to look beyond the product. Develop that love for the process no matter how you do it. It will sustain you longer than any of the comments, longer than the satisfaction of completing something. Write badly, because you will. I write horribly all the time. Eventually it gets good... sometimes you get hits and misses. Whatever the case is, it should have been fun to have written it.

Five, don't get caught up with length or even a specific goal. Some of the writing practices I liked to do, and some that I've done fairly recently, is to just write anything that comes to mind based on a word. Go on tangents where the objective is nowhere. Try making sense of your own thoughts and learning that the goal is futile. The piece doesn't have to be 40,000 words. It doesn't even have to be fully finished. The only qualification for a writer is that they write.

So write.

#you'll honestly just get better if you keep writing #so experiment and make it fun #but I have very lax way about writing #so this is just me

[echo-bleu]

hello! I saw one of your previous asks and I was wondering if I could ask you for some writing help too! I have an autistic character that i love, but I'm not sure how to convey that this character is autistic in a way that feel aunthentic and organic instead of stereotyped, specially since she's a girl and I haven't seen many (accurate) representations of autistic girls in the media. I've seen videos about autistic people and they've been very helpful on what not to do, but + I would still love

to get some of the 'do's' what i have so far is that she has a Fixation on the sea, she has a hard time reading sarcasm and/or emotions in others, and she has an overall seemingly 'detached' personality (even if I wouldn't call her that, since she cares about the people she loves, she's just bad at putting it into words). I jsut want to make sure i'm on the right path! thank you so much for listening and I hope this is not a bother!

Hi Anon! I’m not bothered at all and I’m happy to answer this kind of ask. As always, I can only speak for myself, but I’ll try to give you a few pointers. (The previous ask mentioned is this one.)

First, it’s lovely to hear about an autistic girl! I’m not sure if you’re speaking about an adult or a child/teenager, but either way, it can be interesting to read about how autism can look a bit different in women. The gender distinction that has often been made is something I don’t agree with because I feel that it’s an unnecessary shortcut, but a number of autistic people, in majority women and people socially perceived as female, learn to “adapt” more to neurotypical standards by masking their autistic traits a lot, and might not be detected as autistic until adulthood. Masking takes a lot of energy, which can translate as feeling “socially exhausted” all the time and lead to burnout. This article list traits that can be found that are less common and obvious. It is far from perfect imo, but it can give you new ideas!

You didn’t really say if your character is a main or a side character (which changes the amount of detail you’ll want to go into) but so far to me you seem to be on the right track! Having a hard time reading people is something a lot of us struggle with. It might not just be sarcasm, btw, understanding metaphors and jokes can also be hard. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have a sense of humor: it’s entirely possible to be able to use sarcasm and struggle with noticing it when it comes from other people, and a lot of autistic people have a very developed and specific sense of humor that can be seen as odd.

The “detached” personality is something you may have to handle with care because lack of empathy is a harmful stereotype. Maybe look up the difference between cognitive and affective empathy. Some of us do struggle with empathy, many of us struggle with expressing it in a way that’s comprehensible to neurotypicals, but it doesn’t mean that we lack it. It’s fine for your character to struggle with it, but be careful that she doesn’t end up seeming cold/robotic if she’s not the POV character.

Now for some “do’s”: I’m only going to talk about autistic traits here and assume that you’ve fleshed her out with an actual personality outside of her autism, just like you would any other character.

- I agree that it has to come up organically, but it would be a lot better in terms of representation to make her explicitly autistic, ie use the word autistic. It doesn’t have to be at the beginning of the story. If you’re in a fantasy setting or for some other reason you can’t use the actual word, then describing something like neurodiversity would be a good way to make it explicit. In fanfic, I personally think that tagging “autistic [character]” is enough if the fic is short(ish) and the word isn’t used in the story but the character’s autism is fairly clear, but in an original story, you don’t really have that possibility.

- Something I like to do when coming up with original autistic characters is to choose a few specific stims from them, that regularly come back in my descriptions. It falls under the same umbrella as choosing mannerisms, it gives characters their own specific flavor. You can choose a happy stim, a nervous stim and a bored stim, for example. Autistics stim a lot and in a lot of ways, but I think most of us have a few stims that come back often. It can be things like chewing on a toy/finger, flapping in a specific way, rocking on their heels, twirling hair, fidgeting with a toy or jewelry.

- Sensory differences. It’s also something that you can choose for your character: maybe she likes to listen to music very loudly, and often speak a little too loudly, or on the contrary she’s hyperacusic. She might wear sunglasses outside, or need lights on all the time. She might need subtitles to understand a movie, or be super distracted by sparkly things. She might not make eye contact, or make it too much, or seem to make it by looking somewhere close to the person’s eyes. She might find touch painful or difficult, or seek it constantly, or both (can depend on the moment, how tired she is, or if she trusts the person).

- Like I’ve said before, meltdowns/shutdowns are a delicate thing to portray if you’re not autistic yourself, but overloading can and does happen without going all the way to either of them. It’s actually fairly frequent, and happens when there is too much sensory (or emotional) stimuli at the same time or a too long day or something. From the inside, it can look like struggling to think, feeling like your skin is crawling, feeling like everything is too much, and struggling to initiate actions/figure out the steps to do something. From the outside, it can look like the person is rejecting touch, needs to isolate themself, is irritated, might struggle to speak/be very quiet. As long as the character isn’t mocked for their behavior, I think it’s something you can portray without too much risk.

- A specific interest about the sea is a nice idea! The sea is a very large subject, though, so she’ll probably have a predilection for some things. Is it water currents? Fish species? Underwater plants? Beaches? There’s a lot of options to choose from here.

- Maybe think about co-occuring conditions, because most of us have at least one. Some are very hard to distinguish from autism itself, like dyspraxia or ADHD, because they’re linked or similar to autistic traits. A lot of us are also disabled in some other way:  for example there’s a clear (though unexplained) link between autism and hyperflexibility, which can lead to joint pain, gut issues and chronic illnesses like EDS. Many of us have mental illnesses, growing up autistic in this world is honestly traumatizing and it’s hard to find autistics without some kind of C-PTSD or anxiety (on that subject, this post points out that the current diagnostic criteria can probably only diagnose traumatized autistic people anyway).

- A pretty good portrayal of an autistic girl (and to my knowledge the only one where the actor is also autistic) is Matilda in Everything’s Gonna be Okay. I didn’t actually watch until the end and I’ve been told the last episode isn’t great, but the start was pretty good. She’s a teenager, and at one point gets a girlfriend who is also autistic and has a service dog. In Elementary, while Sherlock is only autistic-coded, there is at one point (season 4 I believe) a recurring character named Fiona who I thought was a pretty good portrayal as well. She’s an adult, and she’s stereotypical in some ways but it’s better than most portrayals I’ve seen or read.

I would advise you to have a look through the blog @cripplecharacters. They answer asks about disabled characters, and I know they have answered a number of questions about autism and have at least one autistic mod. Their answers are usually very interesting!

#Anonymous #asks #autism #actually autistic #autistic characters #writing resources #disabled characters

[maplecornia]

Namjoon

𝔞/𝔫: this will be in Namjoon's POV

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.85K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags: @kookaine | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear | @mangminnie | @pixiekooo | @cana

My hands flying across the keyboard, I have no room to think about anyone or anything else other than my work. I have no intention to think about anything else.

I've heard it said that there are those with a wasteland in their minds. They are constantly searching for something to give their life meaning, but everything they find isn't good enough. They are constantly trying to break the last record, find a new tune, discover another song to play in their hearts. They can never rest, they never want to rest for if they did they would lose their minds.

Pulling away from the board, I find that I'm shaking. My eyesight is wavering, I can't even think straight.

Am I the same as those lost?

Sighing, I hold my head in my hands.

What am I doing? I have no time to be worrying over things that don't matter. My gaze drifting, I notice a coffee cup on the table beside me, along with a small bag of snacks resting against it. Mildly amused, I stand to investigate, and find a note tied around the bag. Pulling on it, I blink in surprise at the neat but shaky Hangul written there.

Namjoon, I'm not too good at writing in Korean just yet so I hope that this is understandable.

This is a coffee cup, but if you need some water or an energy drink, I placed some beside your bag. This is a little bag of leftover snacks I found at the vending machine.

I'm sorry I couldn't find something better than this, but I hope it's enough for a small pick me up.

Please remember to get some rest tonight, I don't want you working too hard.

-Yen

I don't realize I'm crying until a tear runs from my cheek and lands on the small slip of paper. Surprised, I frantically dry the tear from the paper before holding it close to my chest as though it were my only comfort. The tears continue to run down my face, and I fall to the floor almost sobbing as unexplainable emotions surge through my body. Too fast and too many at once for me to be able to understand.

"Why...why are you so kind?"

Does she even realize the effect she has on my heart? The way she tears and turns it as though it were nothing? She doesn't even have to think twice about her actions. She doesn't do these things to gain something from me, in fact, she expects nothing, and yet...

She makes me want to give her the world.

.

.

.

"What are you talking about?"

Jaejin smiles at the question, almost as though he were dealing with a child who didn't want to let go of their parents on his first day of school. Scoffing almost, I fold my arms in indignation. Since when was I the child in this relationship?

"It's quite simple hyung, I'm going to be away for a couple of months. It's not that big of a deal."

"Not a big deal?!" Reaching forward, I stop him from packing. He looks up at me, a bit surprised. "Jaejin, need I remind you of your position? You can't just leave whenever you see fit. There are policies, systems set in place, responsibilities you have to uphold."

Jaejin rolls his eyes before politely removing my hand from his stuff.

"Namjoon, you didn't think I knew? I've already taken care of everything."

As he pulls away, rummaging in his desk for a pen and sticky note, I stare at him dumbfounded. He's leaving, isn't he? Just when I've come back, now one of my closest and most trusted friends is leaving me behind. Scolding myself, I try to push the feeling of being betrayed to the back of my mind.

Jaejin has a right to pursue his dreams, I shouldn't hold him back. This isn't something to be upset over, I should be happy for him, I should support his decision.

But I don't want to say goodbye.

He must've noticed my expression, for when he next speaks, I can tell his words were meant to comfort me.

"You know, you're going to love Yen."

"Yen?"

"That's the person coming in to replace me."

I stare at him, not wanting to believe his words. He's having someone come in to replace him as my manager? How can he expect someone I don't even know to replace him at my side? Just how long is he planning to stay away?

Almost sensing my discomfort, Jaejin turns to me and places his hand on my shoulder. "There's no reason to worry. Yen will do an amazing job, okay?"

"How can you be so sure?"

At my question, he gets this faraway look in his eye and beckons for me to join him as he settles down in one of the chairs set up at his desk.

"Yen is someone special, you'll probably notice that as you get to know her." I open my mouth to ask him how, but he holds his hand up, already foreseeing my immediate response. I roll my eyes at the gesture, understanding his point and shutting up.

"I'm not just saying this as her friend, she's someone who I think will help you a lot. Though she might not think she's qualified for the job, and she may doubt herself every second of the way, she will try her hardest to be the best she can be." Watching him talk about her, almost as though she were the thing he treasured the most on earth, both confuses and intrigues me. What is she, perfect? No person is, so what's the difference with her?

"Yen is the kind of person who speaks to others through their emotions. She knows when you're sad, angry, tired, she can see it all through a few gestures. With a simple look your way it's as though she can see all the hidden secrets of your soul." In his wistful eyes, I wonder about the history between the two of them. Missed chances, unspoken words, regrets, do they have any of those? The way he talks about her, I don't think they are merely just friends.

"My point is, she'll take care of you. You don't ever have to be afraid of losing yourself when she's around, because she'll always bring you back."

.

.

.

Holding the note in my hands now, the way it feels almost as though she were there right beside me, holding me as I shake from all the built-up pain and frustration, I realize that Jae is right.

She's always there, helping me, supporting me. She gave me a reason to continue, she showed me that I didn't have to take care of everyone all the time. She reassured me that I wasn't alone, that she would stay beside me no matter what happened.

.

.

.

"Your music changes with you, don't you know?"

As she sits across from me, her wide eyes piercing mine with their deep stare, I try to make some sense of her words. Yes, I understand that music changes, but what does that have to do with me and my struggles? I'm afraid I don't love making music anymore, and this is what she responds with?

She smiles almost understandingly at my perplexed expression, and I quickly hide it, unaware I was being so obvious.

"Namjoon, maybe the reason why you feel so trapped is not that you don't love music anymore, but rather because you're trying to recreate something from the past." My eyes widening at the thought, I pull away from the soundboard. Was that what I was doing? Trying to recreate a past sound when the sound inside has already changed?

"Music grows as you grow, it flourishes the same way. Maybe in order to find yourself again, you have to let go of what your music used to be." Turning to her, somehow I know she sees the pain and the fear reflected in my eyes.

What if who I am now isn't good enough? What if this person isn't worthy of his title? What if I've become what I've always been afraid of?

Nothing.

Reaching forward, she takes my hand into her small ones and smiles warmly my way. A smile meant to calm me down, a gesture meant to calm the storm that threatens to rise in my chest.

"That doesn't mean you have to forget, it doesn't mean you have to say goodbye. It just means you have to move on, and grow as you've done before. If there's one thing I know, it's that you are good enough. You are worthy of their love, you are worthy of everything you have ever accomplished."

She smiles somewhat cockily as her eyes locked with mine, almost making me forget my doubt.

"Now, you just have to prove it to them once more."

.

.

.

She taught me what I was doing this for, reminded me why I love music, why I chose this path. It was her light, her passion that showed me the way.

Raising myself off of the ground, and pocketing the note, I turn back to the computer. Back to my work. Wiping my tears, I sit down taking a deep breath before resuming.

I won't let her down.

note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAMJOON! I hope you have a great birthday, and continue to be the amazing leader you have been for the longest time! I'm looking forward to the day where we can see you again.

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

#{infinite stars} updated! #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfiction series #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #kim taehyung #ot7 #ot7 fanfic #bts ot7 #bts ot7 fanfic #wattpad #wattpad writer #ao3 #ao3 writer #bts x reader #bts x female!reader #writer #bts fluff #bts angst #fluff #angst #series #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop #happy birthday namjoon!

[lowkeyorloki]

bc anon again hello anyway AAAAAAAA SO SAD BESTIE SO SAD okay first of all these two are so fucking obvious like going back to asis from a random persons pov if I was just some kid in that class and the one student Loki always pays attention to who is always hanging on lokis every word and staring at him like he’s the moon and all the stars suddenly stopped saying anything and Loki never even looked at her anymore? I’d be like yeah okay so that girl and the professor slept together. Anyway WANDA <3 bro I know you said awhile ago you have trouble keeping your crush on Wanda out of asis bestie I have trouble keeping my crush on Wanda under control too when they were talking I was like okay forget the fact that y/n is yearning for Loki and Wanda is in love with Nat can y’all kiss or something PLS also i actually rewatched wandavision like uhhhh 3 days ago so I am very much back in love with wanda rn it’s bad ANYWAY THE LOKI PREVIEW SHATTERED ME THAT CHAPTER IS GOING TO RIP MY HEART FROM MY CHEST I KNOW IT AAAAAAA also HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO MAKE THE SNIPPET FROM THE SADDEST CHAPTER READ SO BEAUTIFULLY GOD BRO YOURE SO TALENTED I DKDVKDJDJDBBBXBXB

Wait sorry BC Anon again REAL QUICK QUESTION THEN ILL LEAVE is Wanda American in asis? Bc I feel like a lot of her mannerisms and actions make her seem like she was raised in Europe but idk if you’re just taking from her character in marvel anyway this doesn’t matter really I’m just Curious lol

//

HI BC ANON so good to hear from u! BUT NOT THE RANDOS IN CLASS KNOWING Y/N AND LOKI ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER 😭😭 Listen Loki and y/n are so smart and academic yes yes but they um. You know they might not be as slick as they think lololol

And yes,,,, Wanda,,, I will admit every time I write a chapter with Wanda I daydream about her. Just as a treat. Like I've said before I really have tried to make their relationship read more platonic because I know it was coming off Not That Way but I also just think Wanda has so much (familial) love for her friends and is overall very gentle + would be this kind/physical with anyone she cares about. That's part of the reason she and Nat work (in asis that is) - because Wanda is a great way to balance out Nat's overall adversity to affection. Wanda is the first person asis Nat has been in *romantic* love with and I think Wanda would be a great person to explore that with :') I just reallyyyyyy appreciate Wanda's willingness to be unabashedly affectionate. It's what the reader needs at this point in her life and Wanda is the absolute best for just... being the way that she is.

As for if she's American, I honestly haven't thought of it! She is a transfer student, which was briefly mentioned when she was introduced to asis, but I never specified from where. I certainly picture asis Wanda as MCU Wanda (mostly because I physically picture everyone else as their MCU counterparts so it'd be weird to not think of her as the same), but at this point, I'm not sure how similar their characters are (I haven't actually seen WandaVision lol. I think you can tell this fic was written before the show came out because of WandaNat). I feel like this is a middle ground Wanda, one who is mature, grounded, and comfortable with herself, but is also still somewhat reserved/shy. I think because she conforms the least of anyone in asis to a specific comic arc or MCU interpretation, it's up to the reader to decide where she might be from. Sorry if that's a cop out answer :/

AND OH YEAH BABY THE LOKI CHAPTER. OH YEAHHHHHHH just you wait BC anon. I have two more scenes to write but like. It's devastating in terms of Loki of course but I slipped the most gut wrenching heart breaking detail about Narvi's life pre Loki that I just KNOW if going to wreck y'all. It's just. WHEW is what it is it's a whew! I don't want to hype the chapter up too much but I really do think it's probably going to be everybody's favorite (if they enjoy angst, at least). I'm just...

Whew!

#BC anon #asis #asis spoilers #ask #lowkyeorloki do this challenge: cool it with the parenthesis jfc