#sometimes I wish I didn’t still care about people so much but I’d feel awful if I stopped because I genuinely just love people so much and

[deityofhearts]

I think the worst part is that i still love and care about people even when it hurts and i wish i didn’t

#deity dialogue #I want to be able to say that one day I’ll stop caring and I’ll move on from loving people but I won’t #people will always have a place in my heart and I kinda hate it #once again a ‘fae complains about loving people too much and too easily and then feels stupid about it’ moment #I suppose there are worse problems than loving easily and too much and getting too attached to people what feels like permanently #but like I’m allowed to acknowledge it #sometimes I wish I didn’t still care about people so much but I’d feel awful if I stopped because I genuinely just love people so much and #am always hoping for the best for people bleh #I just also hope to recieve as much love as I feel and give eventually #there are people who love me though and make that known and I’m very thankful for that! it’s a nice change from how things were growing up #even if it’s hard to believe that people actually mean it when they say they love me but that’s one of the things I hope to get better abou #one day!! #idk what this post is feel free to ignore everything here lol

[seaside-writings]

Hello, again all you wonderfully, wicked people!

As we know black cats are an essential part of the spooky season as well as an essential part of everyday life! So in honor of that, I made a prompt list dedicated to one of my favorite black cats Salem Saberhagen, who in my opinion had some of the most iconic dialogue in TV history!

I hope you all like this prompt list, and I hope it helps you create! And if you do use it, please credit/tag me so I can check out what you've made!

I hope you all stay blessed and safe throughout your day.

Lots of Love & Wishes: Celia 🖤🎃🕸🔮

P.s. I did change some of the dialogue so it would flow easier when it came to writing for different types of characters.

“You’re the only one who understands me,” “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I care,” - “What are you doing?” “Nothing!” “You’re in a chatroom again pretending to be a woman, aren’t you?” “I like the attention.” - “I have lighted the fuse. Now I just have to wait for the kapowie! Muahahaha!” - “I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you,” - “You’ll be able to look back on all of this and get revenge,” - “Show me the tuna!” - "I never cared for the name Mildred," - “And let’s give a big warm welcome to sadness,” - “Someone’s gonna end up crying. Probably me,” - “Finally, someone whose life is more pathetic than mine!” - “You don't have to order me a pizza, but make it half sausage, half clam,” - “I need a little fresh air and a latte,”

“As long as you drop everything and stay focused on me, I should be fine,” - “Dogs guard. Cats watch and judge,” - “When I’m happy, I eat! When I’m upset, I eat!” - “Hooray, the toast is stuck! Danger, here I come!” - “They left behind. Be strong. Don’t cry,” - “Still want to take over the world?" - "Cheetos should be served at room temperature, you know,” - “Curse my sarcastic nature!” - “If you misbehave for just one instant, I’ll cut you, man,” - “Dear lord, you picked up a guy at the bus station,” - “It's the 90s, no one eats mortals anymore,” - “I’m rich! Rich, I tell you!” It’s only a few hundred dollars,” “I’m well-off! Well-off, I tell you!” - “Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony,” “I'm going to write him a very stern letter,” “You're a regular Mad Max, aren't you?” - “A tassel! Don’t you toy with me, you saucy minx!” - “Wow, you must feel like a huge loser,” - “Would you be terribly upset if I threw up in one of your shoes?” - “You laugh, you die,” - “I will not be ignored!” - “All I’ve done all day is eat, sleep, and stare off into space. What an awful existence,” “Hey! I don’t dump on your lifestyle," - “Could you either remove the bandages or kill me?” - “Sorry, thirty waffles is my limit,” - “You think a mirrored ceiling would be too much?” - “Why didn’t you stop them!?” “I was busy,” “Doing what!?” “Playing with my scrunchie,” - “We need a plan,” “How about we weep uncontrollably,” - “I urge you to accept me as your ruler!” - “I’ll be having a quiet weekend, curled up with Memoirs Of A Geisha,” - “Delivery. I want a pizza as fast as possible! And don’t forget the crazy bread!” - “And your face is a bit of a trainwreck too,” - “Tell Elton John he can’t start singing now,” - “I wasn’t always the stud muffin I am today,”

“You owe her an apology. Now! “I’m thinking of how to word it,” “Try 'I’m sorry,'” “Somehow, that just doesn’t feel right…” - “I’d rather be locked in the dishwasher again,” - “Does she know who you are?” “Why does everyone think that’s a necessary part of love,” - “I’m the ultimate bad example,” - “Don’t ask me, I was an English major,” - “Hey, leave the sarcasm to the professionals,” - “Get a real job. And some pants,” - “I’m a cat, I’m curious, so kill me,” - “Still want to take over the world?” “Yes! Wait, no! I meant no!” - “I’d be more nervous if I weren’t so good-looking,” - “Hey chicks, what’s the haps?” - “I’m trying to set the world record for grooving,” - “Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk,” - “You know me any excuse to wear taffeta,” - “Oh, right, I forgot. I’m an animal, I have no self-control,” - “Why am I finding it hard to summon sympathy?” - “Wow, I love a woman who can take charge!” - “I’ll be downstairs creating a distraction,” - “I’m trying to concentrate on expanding my intellectual horizons,” - “Wake up, woman! You’re not a princess, you’re a dragon!” - “Her new obsession is doing wonders for my wardrobe!” - “Please hurry! I’ve been in here for over an hour!” “Why didn’t you call us sooner?” “It wasn’t a problem until I ran out of peanut brittle!” - “So it's true. Taste does skip a generation,” - “I want to say something wise and wonderful right now, but I can't think of anything. Except I love you, and I hope the band knows some Ohio Player,” - “BOO!” “You look ridiculous,” “You were terrified, and you know it,” - “Halloween. Is it just another date on the calendar, or is a state of mind, or is a state of… being?”

#salem saberhagen #salem the cat #sabrina the teenage witch #writing #writing prompt #writing prompts #writing prompt list #writing prompt lists #dialogue #dialogue prompt #dialogue prompts #dialogue prompt list #dialogue prompt lists #october #october 2023 #october prompt #october prompts #october prompt list #october prompt lists #halloween #hallloween 2023 #halloween prompt #halloween prompts #halloween prompt list #halloween prompt lists #black cat #black cats #black cat prompt #black cat prompts

[forgedroyalseal]

His worst nightmare:

Chapter Five

“He’s telling the truth.” Will whispered. “But it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t have a choice.” Will lifted his mug to his lips with a shaking hand. Horace moved to take the mug from Will, who tried to turn away. His arm bumped into the table and he lost his grip. Weaken as he was, and without his other hand to catch it, the mug clattered onto the table. Thankfully the drop wasn’t high enough to do more than chip the lip of the mug, but the hot coffee spilled across the table.

“DAMN IT!” Will shouted, banging his hand on the table, sending a slash of coffee flying up.

“It’s ok Will, it happens to all of us.” Horace said gently. Gilan grabbed a hand towel from its hook on the cabinet behind him and started soaking up the coffee.

“I can’t do this!” Will shoves away from the table and retreats into his room, slamming the door as he goes.

Horace runs his hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. He raises his eyes to Gilan’s. “This was the first proper meal I’ve convinced him to eat. I was so focused on the food, I didn’t even realize that the mug was too heavy.”

“It was just an accident Horace. It’s like you said, it happens to everyone.”

“Will has been dealing with some massive mood swings. Sometimes he’s so determined to get as close to normal as he can, then in an instant, he’s giving up, resigning himself to a short, meaningless life.”

“It must be hard for you to keep up.”

“It’s nothing compared to what he’s going through!” Horace snaps.

“I know,” Gilan raises his hands in surrender, “I just meant that watching someone we love suffer is awful. Often we wish we could trade places with them.”

“If there was a way, I would. And Will would be so much better at taking care of me than I am.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing amazing. My only note is that you need let your friends help.” Gilan bumps his shoulder into Horace’s and levels him with a meaningful stare.

“He doesn’t want people to ask what happened. He feels guilty about telling the truth, but he doesn’t have it in himself to lie to everyone we know for the rest of his life. If it was up to me, everyone in Redmont would know what Halt did to him.”

“I still don’t understand what happened. Why did Halt do this?”

Horace sighs. “From what I’ve gathered, a man with a grudge against Halt got the drop on them and then threatened Will’s life. Told Halt that if he wanted them to both leave with their lives, he’d have to beat Will, and before he let them go, he told Halt to cut off Will’s arm.”

“Christ. That’s- I feel like I’m gonna be sick.” The blood had drained from Gilan’s face and he held his head in his hands, fighting back waves of nausea.

“None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for Halt and the rangers. Will should never have been put in this position, and Halt should have never done what he did.”

Gilan looked up at Horace, whose eyes were ablaze with anger. “Hey now, I don’t think that’s fair. Neither of us can know for sure what we’d do, but what I do know, is there is almost nothing that I wouldn’t do to save Will’s life. And I think you’d say the same.”

“Halt is supposed to be some phenomenal fighter and tactician, but he was ambushed and taken hostage like some commoner. Will trusted him and he failed him. End of story.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do. If I could rewrite history, Will would have never become a ranger. He’d never be put this position.”

“You’d rather him have a boring, meaningless life working in some field?”

“I’d rather him be safe.”

“Will would never have wanted that kind of life.” Gilan paused and took a deep, calming breath, then started again. “Look, what happened, what Will and Halt went through, is horrific. And it never should have happened. But you have no right to accuse Halt or me or any of the rangers for not caring about Will. Because I know for a fact that every ranger who has ever met Will would die for him, just like we would. The only person to blame is the man who forced Will and Halt into this situation.”

“This can’t keep happening to him.” Horace’s voice broke, all the fight evaporating from his body, leaving him empty and exhausted. “He cannot keep going through hell. Because what happens when he doesn’t come out the other side? How do we live without him?”

“I agree.” Gilan admits. “After this, no one is going to risk putting him in danger again. I’ll send word to Crowley and we’ll look into what-“

“Are you two serious right now?” Will’s voice cuts through the air and the two men at the table freeze. “I step out of the room for one minute and the two of you start talking about how you can control the rest of my life?”

“Will, we were just-“

“NO!” Will cuts Gilan off. “Do you really think that I don’t already know my life is over? That for however long I live, I’ll be nothing but a useless cripple? I know that! I know that I’ll have to turn in my oak leaf, that I’ll never get sent on another assignment. I don’t need the two of you butting into my life and acting like I’ve lost my mind as well as my arm!”

“Your life doesn’t have to be over Will. We’ll sort something out.” Horace stood and reach out to his friend, stepped out of reach.

“Back off! There is no “we”. It’s just me. I’m the one who lost his arm. I’m the one out of a job. I’m the one who will have to deal with everyone’s pitiful looks. Me. Not you.”

“I know. I just want to help.”

Will laughed bitterly. “You wanna help Horace? Finish what Halt started, and kill me.”

#rangers apprentice #ranger's apprentice #will treaty #horace altman #ranger’s apprentice fanfiction #rangers apprentice fanfiction #his worst nightmare

[whentherewerebicycles]

they gave me kind of a scary talk about being at increased risk of an ectopic pregnancy in the future which I know was just their way of trying to impress upon me the importance of paying close attention to whether I might be pregnant and not dismissing early symptoms of potential rupture. I get that and appreciate it! but also the two OB-GYNs ran me through what future pregnancies would look like in terms of even more monitoring and scanning and labwork than I was already doing and I just started getting really sad. idk I am sure if I do get pregnant again it will be reassuring to know if things are going ok but there’s also this small but real sense of loss there. like I just won’t ever get to experience that period as one of joy or excitement, and I’ll have to put myself and my emotional experience of pregnancy (and potential future loss) even more in the hands of these fucking doctors, whose skill I appreciate but who I could also just throttle sometimes. like today they asked how I’d been doing since the surgery and I said “well honestly physically I’m fine but emotionally I’ve been having a pretty rough time” and I think that made the resident uncomfortable and she just like messed around with my chart for a while and then changed the subject. like ok I’m not asking you to be my therapist I’d settle for just the most basic acknowledgment of my human emotions. and then later the attending came in and looked at my surgical incisions and said “you look great! this is just about a perfect outcome” and I obviously get what she meant, like patient did not die of internal hemorrhage and has no signs of post-op infection, but also like while that would clearly have been the worst case outcome, for me personally losing a pregnancy was easily the second worst case outcome, and so while I am grateful to be alive and not have suffered lasting internal damage or whatever I am also still very much in the grip of some pretty big painful feelings and I wish, again, that they could take a step back from studying the immediate medical issue at hand to look at the person whose body houses that issue. or whatever. like of all the medical professionals I’ve interacted with over the past month the doctors at this facility are definitely the most competent and caring, but even with them I’m just sitting in my car outside the office feeling a sense of muted dread just thinking like great… when I start trying to get pregnant again these are the people I’m going to have to repeatedly subject myself to. blah it’s fine and I think the way I am going to handle it is by trying to just calmly reiterate my humanity, even if it is mostly for myself. like I am proud of myself for saying that I hadn’t been doing that well emotionally, even if it got ignored because the person didn’t know how to respond to it. I get to be a full person with a full, rich, multifaceted emotional life and not just a medical case. you just feel like you have no power because they know everything and they make all the decisions. but I have the power to ask questions and to l express calmly how I am feeling and to spend time after each encounter reflecting on how I felt in that moment, because my human experience matters even if no one is interested in making space for it in a medical context. I get to say that it matters. I get to have feelings about it and I get to compassionately explore those feelings and I get to use those insights to inform how I engage with the slight awfulness of this hypermedicalized experience in the future. blah! blah. on, on, on.

#IUI tag

[samnotsammy12]

“You’ve just been to Manhattan” can’t tell for sure if this takes place before or after The Ruby’s Curse but either way this is post-The Angels Take Manhattan and omfg OUCH

Also the fact that this is the closest they ever are besides Trenzalore to being fully caught up with each other (Trenzalore was post-Library River and the only thing Eleven hadn’t done yet was Darillium, now the only thing River hasn’t done yet is the Library)

River fully believes that the Doctor doesn’t love her and it HURTS but it’s understandable because sometimes Eleven treated her ABOMINABLY

The look on Twelve’s face when he realizes she genuinely believes it 😭 in that moment he swears to himself that he will spend the rest of his time with her convincing her that he loves her

“He doesn’t go around falling in love with people” tell that to Rose and Astrid (although with Astrid ig it was more of a wish fulfillment kiss for her than anything)

“It’s like loving the stars themselves you don’t expect a sunset to admire you back” STEVEN MOFFAT YOU POET

She genuinely believes that he doesn’t care about her and it HURTS

The way he says “hello sweetie” and the love in his eyes and HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS FUCKING EPISODE HE SAID THE THING

The way they fall right back into their banter bouncing right off each other I ADORE THEM THE CHEMISTRY IS IMPECCABLE

“Mummy and Daddy are busy” I LOVE HER

SHE CALLED HIM DARLING

“What do you think?” “Of what?” “My new body!” “Oh I’ll let you know. I’ve only seen the face” THE LOOK HE GIVES HER LMAO also how did they get away with all the sex jokes in this show

The looks on their FACES OMFG

when she catches the diamond down the front of her dress and he’s like “wtf” LMAO

Also how tf do some girls put stuff in their bras I feel like that would be so uncomfortable accidentally dropping an M&M or some other food or something down your bra is awful

“He had a bad day on the market” TWELVE IS SUCH A DORK

Comparing their famous SOs is hilarious he’s so jealous

The look on his face when she recognizes Darillium rips my heart out

“I’d quite like to cancel this time too if at all possible” SOBBING HE STILL REMEMBERS THAT DARILLIUM IS THE LAST TIME SHE SAW HIM BEFORE THE LIBRARY

Their argument that “not one living thing on this ship is worth you” has the same energy as those people that say “no you go first” “no YOU go first” standing in front of a door

SHE CALLED HIM DARLING AGAIN

omfg River looks AMAZING

“Now that my dear is a suit” SO FUCKING CUTE

HE GOT HER A SONIC SCREWDRIVER btw that’s my favorite retcon (in the Library two parter they say it’s the Doctor’s screwdriver, but they retconned it to be River’s)

HER LIL LAUGH WHEN HE’S MESSING WITH THE SCREWDRIVER AWWWW

Twelve gets so flustered when she kisses him lmao

HE CAN’T EVEN COMPLIMENT HER PROPERLY LMAOOO

THE MUSIC FOR THIS SCENE IS BEAUTIFUL

HE’S CRYING AND I’M CRYING AND EVERYONE’S CRYING

THE DESPERATION IN HER VOICE AGAIN MOFFAT YOU HURT ME

If you replace a couple of words in Twelve’s lil speech about the Towers it becomes “all anyone knows is that when the wind stands fair and the night is perfect, when you least expect HER, but always when you need HER the most, there is a Song” and that KILLS ME

A NIGHT ON DARILLIUM IS TWENTY FOUR YEARS THEY HAD TWENTY FOUR FUCKING YEARS TOGETHER AND THE WRITERS HAD THE AUDACITY TO NOT SHOW US ANY OF IT

the way they LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN THAT LAST SHOT

the “ and they both lived happily ever after” slowly fading to just “happily” because it didn’t last forever and they didn’t both live, but they were happy breaks my heart

This is my favorite episode of the whole show and I wish we had more of them

#the husbands of river song #twelfth doctor #twelveriver #river song #my favorite episode #the return of doctor mysterio is next and I’m mentally preparing myself for pain

[grassisblue22]

Stories of Retail

I started my first job in retail when I was 18 years old. I don’t know if I can say the company’s name but we’ll just say it was like Ross, but it wasn’t Ross. I worked there for about a year and a half. By the time I left I was almost 20 years old. But I felt like I was 80 on the inside.

People always told me working in retail opens your eyes about how a lot of humans actually are. I never really understood what that meant until my time at, “Not Ross”. Then I understood: humans kinda suck. 

The customers at this store were awful, to say the least. When I first started there, I was working fitting room. I was in the back, by myself, handing out numbers to guests that corresponded to the number of items they were taking back. The rules were simple: try on clothes, take whatever you liked with you, bring me whatever you didn’t. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. Mountains of clothes were constantly left in fitting rooms. “I just left what I didn’t want. You’ll take care of that, right?” I mean, I guess so.. It was also super easy for people to steal clothes. They did it all the time. We made easy it for them. Loss Prevention stood at the front and did hourly “walks” but they never really could do anything if they caught someone. 

My store did not have public bathrooms. This is something I grew to dislike, not only because people gave me so much shit about it, but because if they did not like that they couldn’t use our bathroom, they’d simply use the clothes in the fitting rooms. Or one of the aisles in the childrens section. Or just have their children pee directly on the floor. It was usually grown women who did this. It happened almost every other two days. You don’t get used to it. It becomes a real problem though when all the pee starts to erode some of the wall in the fitting room. That’s when management started to see people peeing in the store as a problem. One time, I let someone use our personal bathroom. They ended up pooping all over the floors and wiping it all over the walls. For what reason, I don’t know. Humans are weird sometimes. Unfortunately, this only scratches the surface of that year and a half I spent there. 

I wish I could say I had coworkers who made the job a little easier. That I had management who had my back with certain things. I didn’t. In fact, I only had about two friends in those times (both of which are still friends of mine. We all left at the same time). I had a lot of older women who did not like me. One in particular did not like me because she mistook me for a girl who worked in stock room (We started around the same time and had the same name. The stockroom girl hooked up with an LP guy whose girlfriend worked the front end). When she found out she got us mixed up, she did not care enough to stop talking ugly about me. I never understood why a woman who was in her late 40′s hated me so much. I guess I’ll never know. Her daughter was nice to me though.

I remember being up for a manager position that I was working really hard for. It was almost mine until my manager gave it to her sister who had no experience in retail or management. I don’t remember her name, but I remember her not liking the wall of socks I organized so she threw everything onto the floor and tried to make me redo it. I wish I were making this up. At this point, though, I was already annoyed with my job and did not care anymore. I walked away, finished my other tasks and went home. I got written up the next day. I’d like to think it was worth it.

I feel like I should stop here for now. I had a sudden urge to write and this was the only topic I could think of.  Unfortunately, this only scratches the surface of that year and a half I spent there. I could go on and on about specific customers, coworkers who had a little too much nerve, and the managers I had to take orders from, but, alas, I think this is where it ends for now. If you’ve read this far, thanks. I look forward to writing more one day soon. 

#retail #story #shopping #rant #funny #writing

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xx11.a: The River, As I awoke from the campsite … I immediately noticed as The Jester had disappeared. No sign of The Street Rat, but as I went to get up and unclasp my hands from beneath my head … I feel paper … a note … from said drifter that read. “We’ve been through a lot of shit you and I. and to tell you the truth, I’d be dead ten times over without you always being there to save my ass or support me when I was down dude. in all honesty, I was ready to end it a couple of times. I’ve never said this before but… one night the smiles faded and I was ready to paint the wall with my little snub 357, It was a few months back when you went awol. I blamed you for a while… thought all the worst shit and painted you in a light that you would never be seen in and made myself believe in my own fucked up delusions that you were a person you most certainly weren’t… I know it’s fucked but I’d honestly never wanna tell you the things I thought and wished on you, because they were just fucking wrong and I’m embarrassed to have even been me in that moment… But I held that against you for a while you going dark, because in truth I’m just a little fucked up mentally as you know. But I’m sorry. I should have never ever said the things I did or done the things I did. I wanted to kill you off and just erase you from existence. But even through all your shit and downright wrong scenarios, you were going through… you were fucking there. And tbh… sometimes that makes it all the harder to know you which I know sounds weird dude. But it is just that I can’t ever see you not being there and I don’t know what the fuck I’d be doing without you. You really are my best fucking friend ever and I will fucking die on any hill or any battlefield you want me to. I don’t care what old mental residue is left over in that damn brain of yours that’s trying to choke you out, that haunts your damn dream and waking life or the hard pills you were forced to swallow that made you delta on us for a bit… I will stand just as strong as you have for me… if not harder because I will always owe you more than anyone ever. That night you yelled in my face and told me I was the problem and said you thought I was the reason everyone ODed back in the day… hurt like hot fire replaced my everything, and boy did I hate you in that moment as we’ve discussed, but that day when you came to me again… in all your suffering and heartache to come and ease my mind and tell me… You didn’t hate me, and you didn’t think I was a bad person, and you were just being immature and holding grudges and placing wild blame on someone that didn’t deserve it. I still to this day… have no idea how the fuck you had the courage to say that about yourself. I envy you so much dude… like I wish I had that ability and I’m going to actually try every fucking day to be more like you. Fucking everyone if they could see you now… would be in awe… because you are the goddamn goat when it comes down to people in general homie… I want you to know the only reason that there are two Vince brothers alive today to ruin the world a little longer… Is all you dude… no joke this time playa. I’m going off as you suggested… to live with The Knight. And help him recover from his shit and help out. I’m gonna fucking recover and be so much better dude… ALL FOR YOU!!!! Because you disserve to reach your Cloud of Dreams dude… I wanna be somehow as strong as you are mentally and emotionally even in your now broken state… I’ll be there whenever you need me… even if I’m not ready and in pain… from now on… I’m gonna support you as you do me and others homie… through shit thick and sludge like Salem, I won’t ever forget the promise we made when we were kids dude. We’re getting out of The City TOGETHER!… I fucking love you!. And I will be here for you whenever you goddamn need homie. And you bet your ass I’ll See you when I see you. Stay honest Teufel and I’ll see you where the sun don’t shine!” I was speechless … [To Be Continued]

#creative writing #writing #original story

[sarahwrites37]

Lines from "Maybe In Another Life" by Taylor Jenkins Reid that altered my brain chemistry 🫀

My life may be a little bit of a disaster. But I am not going to lie here and stare at the ceiling, worrying the night away. Instead, I go to sleep soundly, believing I will do better tomorrow. Things will be better tomorrow. I’ll figure this all out tomorrow. Tomorrow is, for me, a brand-new day.

Even after I got over him, I was never able to extinguish the fire completely. He still, all these years later, shines brighter to me than other people.

I may be broken and scared. But I am alive.

I want to try order instead of chaos.

I’m going to make a plan. I’m going to be proactive.

And then I realize that simple and easy aren’t the same thing.

I have a life to create here. Romance is great. But it’s only one part of a well-rounded life.

Things will always work out for Hannah. You know? She was born under a lucky star or something.

I am here today, alive today, because I made the right choices, however brief and insignificant they felt at the time.

I find that when you are doing something you are not supposed to be doing, the best course of action is to act as if you are absolutely supposed to be doing it.

“We don’t know what would have happened. But whatever would have happened wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Say it with me. Everything is going to be great.”

We can’t say what we would do in other circumstances. We can only know what we will do with the ones we face.

“I can’t love a different movie just because everyone loves the movie I love.”

I want to try to do something myself, knowing that when I have nothing left, someone will take me the rest of the way.

Her voice is strong and stoic. She is a force to be reckoned with.

I have to admit things in order to move forward.

"You are unstoppable. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known.” "Strongest person. She is the strongest person I know. Her gender is irrelevant."

And part of loving someone, part of being the recipient of trust, is telling the truth even when it’s awful.

And I think to myself that if, by being here, I have taken away one one-hundredth of the pain that Gabby feels, then maybe I have more of a life’s purpose than I ever thought.

“Like you meet them and you think, this one isn’t like the rest of them, this one is something?”

I thought it the first time I met Ethan. I thought there was something different about him, something special. And I was right. Look at what we had. It turned out not to be for a lifetime, but that’s OK. It was real when it happened.

I truly believe we could mean something to each other, and we owe it to ourselves to see.

If I’m meant to find him, I’ll find him. But sometimes I wish I got to decide what I was meant to do.

“You know, when you meet the love of your life, it makes you do crazy things"

I’d go so far as to say your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are, in fact, the very definition of who you are.

"I don’t think meeting the love of your life gives you carte blanche to ruin everything in your path. There are a lot of people out there who find the person they believe they are supposed to be with, and it doesn’t work out because they have other things they have to do, they act like adults and do the right thing.”

We make choices, big and small, every day of our lives, and those choices have consequences. We don’t get to erase them just by saying we didn’t mean to. Fate or not, our lives are still the results of our choices.

I’m no longer a person willing to pretend the things I’ve done wrong are justifiable because of how they make me feel.

I’ve been thinking about breaking the rules. I’ve been thinking about giving you my number. Or asking for yours. But I care too much about my work to compromise it by doing something I’ve sworn not to do. All of this is to say that I wish we had met under different circumstances. Maybe one day we will end up at the same place at the same time. When we are just two people.

If there are people in this world we are supposed to love, we’ll find them in time.

The future is so incredibly unpredictable that trying to plan for it is like studying for a test you’ll never take.

That’s what you do when you want something. You don’t look for reasons why it won’t work. You look for reasons why it will.

If you love someone, if you think you could make them happy for the rest of your life together, then nothing should stop you. You should be prepared to take them as they are and deal with the consequences.

Relationships aren’t neat and clean. They’re ugly and messy, and they make almost no sense except to the two people in them.

“I mean I love you, and I want to be with you, and if you want to be with me, then nothing is going to stop me."

The world is splitting further and further into an infinite number of parallel universes where everything that could happen is happening. It’s a legitimate interpretation of quantum mechanics.

It’s entirely possible that every time we make a decision, there is a version of us out there somewhere who made a different choice.

I have to think that while I may exist in other universes, none is as good as this.

So I have to think that while I may exist in other universes, none of them are as sweet as this.

#maybe in another life #taylor jenkins reid #book quotes

[novus-ordo-seclorem]

Even if I'm kind of sweaty, wheezy and tired, I'm taking some time to clean our bedroom. I'm washing our sheets and pillowcases, used disinfecting fabric spray on the bare pillows and mattress, blankets. Used the spray in the air.  Picked up dirty/clean clothes, vacuumed. I moved the damn bathroom space-saver back into the bathroom since I don't know when the hell those men are supposed to come and fix our bathroom floor (if ever) and I'm tired of it being in the bedroom. So, now the room is turning back into my zen space. I need to charge my headphone/blindfold and get back into my meditations.  I can't be any good to anyone if I'm not taking care of myself. I also cleaned Aidyn's room and sprayed his room out, changed his bedding. He's also missed school all week because of the flu.  But the next places I'm going to tackle when I have time, probably not tomorrow because I go back to work, are the living room and.. sigh... yes, the damn kitchen. Again. I still haven't used that brand new mop I bought. Ever hear of spring cleaning?  I sick-clean. I clean to avoid complicated and difficult feelings and emotions which come up around holidays.  And to top it all off, I was cleaning of my bedroom end table and somehow managed to find my mom's autopsy report again.  As if it was waiting for me to look at it, and remind myself how finite life is.  How we are not promised anything.  If I knew that giving my life away would improve someone else's, I'd do it. But I'm not that selfless. Sometimes I just want to die anyway.  I hate this struggle, I loathe the constant trials and tribulations. I'm exhausted. I have no parents to lift me up. I have to do it myself. My family is counting on me, and I'm tired of being strong all the time.  My being sick is the nightmare I don't wish on anyone.  And yet it was so nice to be the one to be cared for, for a change. See, my mom's autopsy report kind of reminded me how I grew up always worrying about others. Especially her health. Trying not to, and yet always having to look after how other people are because if mom got ill my situation could change immediately. I remember three times she was hospitalized for many days and I had to be put into foster care because she didn't make any friends because she was a surly gay old woman and she hated people.  I don't remember those times much.  But I remember uncertainty and how it made me feel like I was lost and no one cared about me.  The god awful loneliness.  And sometimes that loneliness still gets to me! Yes, I do counseling. Yes, I take medication.  But that doesn't make it all go away.I bury my head into video games because I'm not at work. And I love work because it's a great distraction.  It gives me a false sense of purpose. I'm just a dumb cashier and a stocker, but shit, at least people like me... even on a superficial level...I didn't mean to rant. This got way off topic. Better stop now. Ha.

#rant #life update #the flu #i hate christmas #this always happens to me #either i get sick #or get fired #or lose my job #but nah id ont get to have any extra money i guess

[crockersbian]

y’know. sometimes it just hits me that my primary artistic passion, the only one i can muster any investment in the vast majority of the time, for *years*, is a work (or works!) dependent on an intensely controversial web series that the vast majority of people i love and respect online and offline are not willing to interact with directly, much less read so-called “fan”comics (ones that are heavily reliant on familiarity with the source text and fandom dynamics more broadly!!) of said clusterfuck. a source material that i myself take issue with to the degree that i CANNOT even take personal refuge in feeling slighted by others wanting nothing to do with. a source material so full of shit that it actively alienates me from other FANS of it! an alienation that would also be EXTREMELY apparent in my grandiose goals of a finished & epic “fan”work.

so much of my dreams are wrapped up in something that, while i’m sure would go down like fucking gangbusters with the less choosey broader source-material fanbase, would only really “core root appeal” to like. this small, smalllllll slice of self-hating homestuck “fans” who still care irrevocably deeply about the shitcomic. even as a person and aspiring creative on “social media” theres people who i actively wanna be FRIENDS with who’d struggle to interface with my whole *main deal* even if they tried?

and like. its not that i didn’t TRY to just extract the homestuck juice from myself. i spent years trying to distance myself from it, to Purify my dreams for the sake of “morality” (which i have later, obviously, become less stringent on. i consider homestuck itself inherently awful but i don’t think its inherently awful to enjoy it, analyze it, or project onto 98% of its contents. that 2% is just REALLY bad and the surrounding has undercurrents that while not classifiable under the “damning” category are still.... ungood.) and all it left me with was that last struggling gasp of hyperfixation proposing that I start writing an “anti-fan fiction”, an unfanfiction deconstructing the original work that would turn into, well, THIS. EVERYTHING. (the fan’tfiction idea is something that i continue to muse on with harry potter, which has not derailed in its goal to be wholly “kill harry james potter” because harry potter sucks ass as a franchise, but also does NOT have the steam behind it or the willingness to put ink to page at *all* because harry potter sucks ass as a franchise and i’d rather die than give JKR exploitable publicity) 

its just like... *here*. not going away and its LITERALLY MY LIFE GOALS but also like God Damn It I Wish I Could Just Be Someone Who Goes “Oh that comic was racist and rehabilitated a fascist child molester it sucks keep it away from me” And Blocks People Who Bring It Up

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 18 Fire and Steel Part 5

Content warning for kissing, blood, and suggestive themes. This one’s super long! About 8,700 words! I hope you enjoy! Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes (also, thanks for Antonio!), @pen-of-roses, @knmartinshouldbewriting, and @drabbleitout (also, thanks for Ives, Garnet, and Beau!)!

After Ash left, I just stood there, staring at nothing. Aeflin had been lying this whole time. It actually made sense. Aeflin had always been awful to me, I just hadn’t thought much of it because I had believed her. Maybe…maybe she was completely wrong about me?

“Everything I’ve been told…it’s all been a lie?” My voice was quiet.

Ives soothed a hand over my back, and I relaxed a little. His touch was always so comforting. “I think it might have been. It sounds like Aeflin only told you what fit her agenda.”

I nodded, taking a deep breath. “I can believe that, but it’ll still be a while before I can believe that I’m not a monster.” I paused. I needed to get out of here sometime soon, get some fresh air. “Well, maybe we can get away from the Games one night. I know how to sneak out.”

“I’m here for that,” Garnet chuckled. “Did you sneak out before?”

Ives frowned. “Won’t someone come looking for us? What if they find us missing?”

They wouldn’t. It would be fine. “My district mate taught me how to sneak out during my Games. And I just want to honestly get away from this, even for a little bit.”

Ives nodded. “Maybe you and Garnet should go and I can wait here, cover in case anyone comes looking. You deserve a break, and I think I can trust Garnet enough to make sure nothing happens.”

“Of course you can!”

I nodded. But it wasn’t fair that Ives couldn’t leave too. “But what about you? If anything, I’ll make sure to get some sweets for you.”

“That would be enough.” He nodded back. “Besides, I don’t think I would need anything if you went out. It makes more sense for Garnet to go and enjoy a meal or something.”

“Maybe some alcohol.” I smiled a little.

Garnet cheered, throwing up his hands, but Ives looked less than pleased. “Garnet, you’re too young to drink.”

“Aw, c’mon! I was sent out here to die. Besides, I’ve drank before. And I won’t drink too much so I make sure we’re safe.”

I laughed. “Yeah, he totally deserves a drink.”

“What’re they gonna do? Kill me??” Garnet said.

Ives gave in. “Just be careful, both of you. I agree it would be good to have a break, but I also want you to come back in one piece.”

I nodded. “I’ll make sure we stay safe.” I genuinely smiled. This was gonna be so much fun! And she would be able to give Ives sweets afterwards too. I knew those were his favorite.

*

I studied the building and the guards’ schedules, and we were finally ready to sneak out the second night of training. I led Garnet through the areas that…Naivi showed me six years ago, and we were out of the building without being detected in just a little bit. I knew of a bar that wasn’t too far away from the training building, so I started leading Garnet there.

I had on a hoodie and pants to hide my prosthetics, but I was grinning as I looked around everywhere. “This is so exciting! I haven’t done this in so long!”

Garnet chuckled. “You know your way around? I don’t think I’ve ever been here.”

“I think so. Some of the people who paid for me would take me to a club or something. I noticed a quiet bar whenever I was out. It’s not far from here.”

“I wish I had a list of everyone who did that to you, I’d like to break in their faces.” Garnet glanced behind us occasionally.

I didn’t understand why he cared so much, so I just laughed darkly. “It would already be too long. I’ve been eighteen for almost a year now. And it’s been almost every fucking night.” We were at the bar, and I opened the door for him.

Garnet sucked in a breath and slipped inside. It certainly was a quiet bar, and a smile pulled at my lips. This was perfect! I led him to the bar and sat down and asked what he wanted before ordering. “This is nice. I don’t feel so tense here.”

Garnet sat so straight. I didn’t really understand why he did that, but it made me want to laugh. The bartender didn’t even look twice at us. “Yeah, it’s like you can breathe. I wonder if this is what it’s like for everyone who lives here.”

I just remembered the gaudy, ridiculous mansions I was sent to most of the time. “Honestly, at least for the richest, I’m pretty sure it’s one big party. They have no idea what the districts are like.” She got her drink and took a big gulp. It tasted so good.

Garnet nursed his drink and took a drink, but he froze, and after a bit, his eyes widened. “Ooh, I fucked up,” he hissed, looking over at the wall behind the bartender and chugging the entirety of his drink.

“Hello,” someone said on my other side, and I frowned at Garnet before turning toward the voice with my best smile. At least he had sounded cheerful.

“Yes, it’s been hard going to all those parties and deciding which tribute to cheer for.” My voice was the most convincing long-suffering voice I could muster.

“I’m Beau.” He smiled brightly, holding out his right hand for me to shake. Shit. “My shift ends soon, but I’m afraid I’m a little low on energy to keep patrolling. Do you mind if I sit with you until then?”

I nodded and held out my left hand. He couldn’t know about my prosthetics. He would figure out who I was too easily then. “Sorry, my right hand is weak from all the exercise I’ve had at the parties.” Wow. That was the lamest excuse ever.

But he didn’t question it. “That’s alright. I know it’s been an eventful day.” He smiled and leaned backwards to look over at Garnet with basically heart eyes. Oh. He wasn’t interested in talking to me at all. He was interested in Garnet. And not just talking to him.

“Yeah, sure, have at it.” Garnet tried to look unaffected, but I could tell he was interested too. Okay. Operation Get Garnet A Cute Boyfriend was underway!

Beau leaned forward again and fiddled with his hands. After a bit, he spoke up. “H-have you decided which tribute to cheer for?”

Garnet didn’t seem to want to speak up, and Beau probably didn’t want to hear my voice at the moment, but I had to say something. And I didn’t want him to notice that we might possibly look familiar, so I went with another tribute. “I like Ashira Firgo. We’ve gotta cheer for someone from the Capitol!”

He nodded. “I suppose you’re right. That would be the proper thing to do.” Which meant he didn’t agree! Who was he gonna say? He kept talking in a whisper. “I like the twelfth district tributes.” He leaned forward to look at Garnet, and I would have to convince them to kiss tonight. “I’m really rooting for you.”

Of course. Garnet looked more surprised. “Wh-what?”

“Yeah, you. You’re Garnet and you’re Chess, their mentor from Twelve.” He nodded at me. “It’s okay. I’m not telling anyone you’re here. I think it’s really neat to get to talk to you both.”

Sure. He was really only excited to talk to Garnet, probably. I sighed dramatically. “I knew it wouldn’t work. Thank you. What’s your name?” And then I got up and pushed Garnet toward him so they could be close. Totally not part of my plan. “Go on. He’s cheering for you. Show your gratitude.” I snickered.

“Oh, c’mon,” he scoffed, but he scooted over and sat next to the Peacekeeper.

“I’m Beau,” he said softly and shook hands with Garnet. “I heard you were a Peacekeeper too. I can’t believe you were chosen.”

“Yeah, crazy.” Garnet shook his head. “Is that why you like us? Because we were Peacekeepers?”

Beau didn’t answer right away, studying the bartop instead. “I like that your partner, he’s not human, and you care a lot about him.” He paused. “I’m not human either, you see.” He rolled up his sleeve, popping off a plate on his arm. “I’m not well liked by most. I think it’s wonderful you do like your partner even if they aren’t human.”

Well shit. Garnet floundered. “Oh. Well, I mean, it shouldn’t be a big deal. You know, uh.”

I tried to help, leaning over to Beau. “Yeah! Ives is a person and so are you! He’s wonderful!” And I ordered some desserts for Ives.

Beau smiled, and his shoulders scrunched up, and fuck, Beau was so adorable. Garnet had to get with him! I just had to figure out the best time to tell Beau that the relationship between Ives and Garnet was an act. "Thank you. I like to think so. And he looks really impressive. I admit I was curious when I heard they have chosen Peacekeepers, but when I saw the Chariots, I knew I wanted to cheer for you guys.”

“Yeah?” Garnet chuckled. “Well, she’s right, you know. You’re still a person.” Beau smiled wider, and I just wanted to push them together and yell for them to kiss. But Beau looked away as Garnet continued. “And we appreciate you not telling anyone we’re here. Just wanted a break.”

“I get it. I’m doing the same thing, really. But, you might want to be careful. The next shift will be moving within the hour. They’re not a lax.”

I finished off my drink, getting the best idea. I leaned over to look at Beau. “Well, maybe we need the help of a sweet, protective Peacekeeper to get back safely then.” I nudged Garnet sneakily.

Beau looked happy to do that. “Oh! Of course. I don’t mind helping.”

“He just said he was low on energy, Chess.” But that wasn’t the reason Garnet was scowling at me.

“But if I go no one should give you any trouble,” Beau said. “It’d be safer for you.”

I grinned super innocently. “That would be lovely! Thank you!” As I stood up and grabbed the desserts for Ives, I leaned over to speak quietly to Beau. “Y’know, I think Garnet has a thing for Synthetics like you and Ives.” I winked.

“I can literally hear you. I’m right here,” Garnet muttered. But he blushed a bit! And it got worse when Beau stood as well!

“I saw the kiss.” Garnet nodded. “I take it you like him very much.” He held the door open for us to walk out into the night.

I let Garnet go through the door first so I could look back at Beau. “And I think you’re more his type.”

“Oh, I don’t want to cause any issue between you and your partner, though.” Beau lingered by the door. Maybe Garnet would say something? If not, I would, damnit.

“No, no, that wouldn’t be a problem.” Garnet shook his head, staggering a bit. “First of all, I’m not a cheater. I don’t do that. And second…second.” He stopped himself, waving it off. Damn. “Just take us back.”

“Okay,” Beau said brightly, taking the lead.

Fuck no. Garnet was interested in Beau, and I wasn’t going to let a fake relationship get in the way of that. I glanced at Garnet and leaned in to whisper first. “It’s a game and most everyone knows it. I’ll tell him because I want to see you happy.” I moved forward before he could say anything. “So, I think there’s some confusion. So, for the Games, both Ives and Garnet were forced into this and don’t want to hurt people, so I suggested that they fake a relationship for the cameras in order to get sympathy points for the audience. They both consensually agreed to it, and I can tell that Garnet thinks Synthetics are people like I do. But they’re not actually in a relationship, just a friendship born from the troubles of having to go into a death trap. And I can tell Garnet thinks you’re cute.” I winked.

Garnet tried to stutter something, but Beau stopped and listened to me, head tilted. He frowned more and more until the end, where he smiled and turned to Garnet. “Is it true? It’s more for the cameras?”

“Yeah,” Garnet puffed.

“And you think I’m…I’m cute?”

Garnet sucked in a breath and squinted at him for a bit before he closed the distance and kissed Beau on the lips! I wanted to squeal, but I didn’t want them to remember I was here. When Garnet pulled back, he nodded. “Yeah. You could say that I guess.”

Beau stared, still smiling. “Well, I -thank you. I think you are too -nice. I, uh, I hope you win. I really like you.”

“Thanks, I hope I do too.” Garnet turned to me, and I smiled innocently at him. “If Ives finds out, it’s all your fault.”

“Maybe I’ll be the one to tell him.”

“I bet you would.” Garnet chuckled. Beau took one of his arms and draped it over his shoulders. They were both so cute! “Hey, I’m not drunk-drunk, I can walk.” He chuckled but didn’t try to move away. They chatted while I walked behind them, just smug about my success.

It didn’t take long to get back to the training building, and Beau was able to sneak us back into the building without anyone noticing. At the elevator, he stopped and looked at both of us. “Okay, you should be okay from here on out.”

“You’re still gonna be around, right?” Garnet asked quickly. “You gonna come to my interview?”

“I don’t know that I can come to it, but I’ll be watching it.” Beau smiled and darted forward to kiss Garnet on the cheek. I was gonna melt from the cute! “I know you’ll do great. Please be careful.” He also hugged me, which I wasn’t expecting, but he gave amazing hugs, so I melted from his embrace. “And it was great to meet you, too! I hope you stay safe!”

I nodded. “Thanks! It was nice to meet you, and I hope to get to see you again!”

“You too, I’m going to be pulling for you guys.” He left, and Garnet lingered a little long before he turned back around and hit the elevator button so we could go to our room.

“Don’t even start,” he called back at me.

I followed him with a smile. This had gone so well! “Aw! But you were so cute!”

“Oh, like you and Ives?” He looked back at me with a grin, almost tripping over his feet.

Oh. Oh. That would be nice, but he probably wasn’t interested in me. I blushed and ducked my head, holding the desserts closer. “I…I don’t know if he’d care about me that way. Why would he? And anyway, do I deserve something like that? I’ve still killed innocent people.”

“You don’t know that he’d care?” He chuckled. “Are you blind? He cares about you right now. And what about me? Peacekeeper.” He pointed to himself. “I’ve stood by while innocent people died. Maybe I shouldn’t deserve anything either.”

No, that was different. I looked up, shaking my head quickly. “No! That’s not true! You’re so nice, and you’ve helped people. And I haven’t been able to do that. I just hid in the Capitol, not even trying to escape. I was a coward too.”

“Ha,” he burst harshly. “I haven’t helped anyone. And you weren’t hiding. You were lied to. There’s a big difference there, and besides, you’ve helped Ives and myself. You can’t say you haven’t helped anyone.”

I sighed. He had a point. “Fine, I’ll admit that. But you must admit that you’ve helped someone too. You’ve helped me.”

He grinned. “Okay, I can admit that. Even if it wasn’t intentional. But it still stands Ives cares about you. Because he doesn’t care about much, he’s blank about a lot of things. Take the Chariots for example.”

I blushed again. That had been so nice to see. “Yeah, but not like that. I…I think I might be falling in love with him. But I don’t know. I don’t even know how it’s supposed to feel.”

“You’re falling in love with him but you think he isn’t falling in love with you.” Garnet walked back over to me. The elevator was taking a long time. “Look, if you like it, if it feels safe, is it really a bad thing? Love is, well, it’s kinda different for everyone. It doesn’t have a set definition.”

I nodded. That made me feel better. “Okay. That makes sense. And I’ll try. I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be.” He chuckled and patted my back. He was so sweet. “Ives is no one to be nervous around.” He waved me along as the elevator opened. “He’s probably worried about you too.”

I nodded, looking down at the desserts. “And I need to give him the desserts. I know he’ll like them.”

He laughed. “And you say you’re not sure.” Even when the elevator stopped and we walked off, we took our time getting back to the room. Garnet went in first. “Guess who’s back!” he sang.

I walked in as Ives looked up, his hand clasped. He nodded. “Everyone safe?”

I nodded, warmth blooming in my chest at just the sight of him. “We met a nice Synthetic Peacekeeper that Garnet has a crush on!” I held up the desserts. “And I brought back some sweets!”

Ives tilted his head. “Another Synthetic Peacekeeper?”

“What can I say?” Garnet chuckled and flopped on the bed. “I have a type.”

Ives looked back at me, smiling. Fuck. He had a gorgeous smile. “You didn’t have to.”

Heat rushed to my cheeks, and I sat down next to him on the bed, and I hesitantly leaned against him, handing him the desserts. He didn’t seem to mind me leaning against him, and, fuck, he was so comfortable. My voice sounded a little flustered when I managed to speak. “Of course I did! You weren’t able to go out with us. How was it alone? Uneventful?”

He hesitated, but he nodded. What happened? “Uneventful. And these look amazing. Thank you for getting them for me.”

“She couldn’t forget to get you something.” Garnet snickered.

My cheeks burned worse. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not teasing Garnet like you usually do.”

“I feel like it might be unfair given his inebriated disadvantage.” Ives smirked and turned his attention back to the desserts.

I laughed and side-hugged him. If he didn’t want to talk about it, I could at least hopefully make him feel better. “Yeah, poor Garnet. He got a kiss out of it.”

“Did you?” Ives turned to look back at Garnet with a smirk, but Garnet was already asleep. RIP banter. He turned back to me. “Well, I take it you both had a fun evening.”

I nodded. “It was nice, but I missed you.”

He smiled down at me and combed some of my hair behind my ears. My breath hitched, and I glanced up at his lips. What if I just did the same thing that Garnet did? But no. I couldn’t do that! “I think…I missed you too,” Ives said. “I worried something might happen.”

Oh fuck. Oh double fuck. My cheeks burned worse, and I had to stop myself from holding him close and telling him anything. To hide how flustered I was, I decided to joke. “Aw. You thought I couldn’t handle myself?”

“Well, I knew you also had Garnet to deal with. That’s a handful by itself.”

I shrugged. “Honestly, I enjoy his company. He’s fun.”

“You could call it that.” He chuckled. “Well, for your effort, would you like to share these with me?” He nodded at the desserts.

“That does sound nice. Thank you.” I reached out for the desserts, but I brushed his hand, and my cheeks burned, and I froze. Shit. I was getting way too flustered.

Ives looked down at my hand and moved the desserts closer to me. “Sorry,” he whispered, tensing.

Wait, what? I frowned and quickly grabbed some of the dessert. “Why are you apologizing?"

"I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.” I think I’m falling in love with you. But I couldn’t tell him that! I got scared even thinking about that.

“I know I’m not the most amiable company. It’s understandable if I make you nervous.” He glanced at the wall. “But tell me about this Synthetic Garnet met. What are they like?”

“You don’t!” I blurted about him worrying that he made me nervous. I looked up at him and took his hand, my cheeks burning worse. “I like being near you!” Fuck. I stuttered and looked away from him again. I had to be completely red on my cheeks by now. “His name was Beau, and he was a little taller than me, and he was nice. He says he’s rooting for both of you.”

He stared at me, not talking for a bit. “Did he? Well, I’m sure that was quick to win Garnet over. Although I’m surprised he liked them considering they’re a Peacekeeper.”

I laughed. “I think Garnet thought he was cute.” I paused and got the courage. “Like I think you are.”

He froze, not speaking for a bit. “Cute? How…how can you think that? I’m not made to be cute.”

“You’re…you’re very cute. In an attractive way. Especially when you look at Niner.” Don’t mention that I wish he would look at me this way. That would be so embarrassing.

He frowned. “I don’t think I’m made to be attractive, either. But…I do think you’re attractive. In both your looks and your personality. You’re very kind, especially considering all you’ve been through. You’re also extremely strong, and I do think you could hold your own given the opportunity.” He smiled, and I almost melted. “Much like you did to that sleeze at the Chariots.”

My cheeks somehow got hotter. He thought all those things about me? I…I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t those things, was I? “You’re certainly attractive, and very kind and gentle. I…I didn’t think I would have friends until I met you and Garnet, and you’ve been so kind to me. And…I think I’m falling in love with you.” The words just slipped out, and I froze. Fuck. What would he think?

He just stared at me, and my cheeks were burning, and I finally looked away. He didn’t care. Of course not.

But then he fell back on the bed, and I gasped and scooted over to him, shaking him. He didn’t respond. “Ives? Ives, what’s wrong?” What had I done?

Finally, he blinked and looked around. “I…I’m alright. I think I just had a surge or overwhelmed.” Fuck. I had fucked everything up again. “I don’t understand.”

I didn’t really understand it myself, but he wasn’t laughing at me, so I kept talking. “I, well, I don’t know for sure because I’m not sure what being in love actually feels like, but Garnet said it was different for everyone, and it doesn’t have a set definition.” Fuck, I was babbling. But I couldn’t stop. Not now. “But I love being around you, and I want you to eat sweets and be happy and be with Niner and not have to worry about any of this. And I just want to be close to you and possibly kiss you and I trust you and feel safe around you, and I’m just so happy to see you smile. And I want you to know you’re a person, and you’ve helped me so much, and I want to help you, and I don’t know…I love you!” This was the worst. I wanted to curl up and disappear, but instead I just hid my face in my shirt. It was the next best thing.

“No, I…” I looked enough to see him propping himself up on an elbow. “I…well you have helped me. You’ve helped a lot. And I, well, I am glad you feel that way but I don’t think I understand why. I don’t know that I can make you happy I…I’m grateful you think I’m a person, but I’m not human. I worry I won’t be the right one.”

I looked back up, knowing my face was completely red from my blush. “You already have made me happy. I don’t care if you’re human. You’re a person, and that’s all that matters.” Tears blurred my vision. Was I just making a fool of myself?

He sat up fully. “I don’t mean to make you upset. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you happy and I want to make sure you’re safe. I don’t want anyone to ever hurt you again. That matters to me a lot more than the Games.”

Oh, fuck. The tears streaked down my cheeks. Those were the sweetest words I had ever heard from someone. I took his hands. “And that’s what will make me happy. And you have already made me feel happier and safer than I ever have.”

He held my hands back. “But I also don’t want to be a reason you get hurt. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He couldn’t hurt me. “Why would you? I know you won’t. You’re so gentle around me.”

“I still worry because I…I’m not built for care. To be gentle. I’m made to terrify and to hurt. It’s why I don’t understand.”

There was nothing terrifying about him. And I should know. I had been surrounded by so many horrible people, especially this past year. I laughed weakly. “I’ve seen terrifying, and you certainly one of the least terrifying people I know. You actually care. And I’ll let you know if you’re not being gentle and I don’t like it. Maybe sometimes I’m okay with being consensually less than gentle.” I made my voice lighthearted at the end.

He frowned. “I don’t know that I can trust myself,” he said weakly. “At least not yet. I need to find answers, to know that I can protect you before I’d ever be able to accept something like that.”

“We’ll both be learning. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, and please tell me if I ever make you uncomfortable. But if you even have the possibility of being interested in me, could we try? It’s not like we have to be an official couple or anything, but I’d like to figure this out together.” I squeezed his hands. They were so warm and comfortable.

He nodded, bringing my hands to his chest, and my cheeks burned all over again. This was so nice. “Okay. I think I’d like to figure that out as well. I may not know what that means to begin with, and I want you to tell me if ever you’re uncomfortable as well.”

I nodded. “I will. And thank you. I…I want to be close to you. You’re really nice.”

He smiled, and I melted. “Thank you, you are as well. I think you’re the nicest person I’ve met. And I don’t want to lose you.”

My cheeks somehow got hotter. “Thank you. I…well, I don’t want to lose you too.” I sucked in a breath and hugged him tightly, unable to stay away from him anymore. He was so warm and comfy, and I melted in his arms.

He pulled me close, actually lifting me up so I was sitting in his lap. I squeaked involuntarily when he moved me, but it felt so nice to be so close to him. And I generally hated touch, but that was probably more because of the people I generally had to be close to than the touch itself. He held me closer. “I want to find another way to do this. A way no one has to get hurt, where I can get away from Duras and her programming and be with you. I don’t know how yet, but I’ll find a way.”

“We have the escape plan. And I’ll punch Duras myself. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

He laughed. “I’m sure that you will. But I’m more worried about you, what might happen while we’re in the arena.”

Aeflin would take me back. I knew it. “I…I should be fine. Maybe I can get in contact with Beau and he can watch over me. He’s really nice.”

“You trust him?” Ives frowned. “I know he may be nice from the sound of it, but he’s still a Peacekeeper.”

I nodded. But he had been kind and hadn’t told anyone. And he seemed so excited and sincere. “Yeah, that’s true. But you and Garnet are also Peacekeepers. But yeah, that makes sense. Better to think of something else.” Damn.

“At least possibly having his help as a last resort. Only because I don’t know what Duras may have planned. I think she’s up to something. But maybe Ash has an idea of something we could do.”

I frowned. “Why do you think Duras is up to something? Did something happen?” Was that what Ives hadn’t wanted to talk about?

“Nothing really.” He was sounding too neutral. “She came by to check up on things. She talked about the Chariots, and asked about you and Garnet…” He trailed off.

So, something else had happened. I sat up, looking him over for some kind of injury, but he seemed unharmed.

“No.” He paused. “At least, I don’t think so. She didn’t do anything to me.”

“That’s good.” I put my hands on his shoulders, still trying to look him over. And wait. Niner wasn’t here. Shit. “And is Niner okay?”

“I-I think so.” After a while of silence, Niner crawled out from under the bed and over to a far corner to sit, looking scared. Shit. I had to make sure she wasn’t hurt.

I moved down to the floor and kneeled far away from Niner, holding out a hand for her. “Please come here, baby. It’s okay. That mean lady is gone.”

She hesitated, but she finally slowly crawled over to me. Once she got close enough to me, she tucked her face against me and tried to get in my lap, which I tried to help her with. But she didn’t seem hurt. So, I just petted her gently. “What’s going on? It’s alright, baby. I love you,” I cooed.

Niner’s tail began to faintly wag.

“Duras can be worrisome at times. She’s hardly ever a good presence.” Ives leaned forward on his knees, holding his face in his hands. Shit. He had been really worried. “And I may have gotten…somewhat upset with some of the things she said. I may have frightened Niner.”

“That makes sense. Just from what I’ve heard from you and what the others have said, I already hate her. And would punch in the face.” I took Ives’s hand with one of mine, while I used the other hand to give Niner ear rubs. “Do you want to talk about what she said?”

“Usually when you see her it isn’t great news. The last time I saw her it was to have me reset. She had a lot to say about you, and I didn’t like it. I don’t know why she was so interested or what she’s planning. But I want her to keep her business elsewhere.”

My grip tightened. She was such a horrible person. “I won’t let that happen again. And if she bothers me, I’ll just punch her. That’ll work!” I smiled crookedly. I would always punch people who were being awful to Ives.

He smiled back. “I think that would work.” Niner had relaxed, letting her head go limp in my lap. She was such an amazing dog.

I moved my hand from Ives to give two-hand ear rubs. But I leaned against Ives to make up for it. It wasn’t scary to feel angry anymore. “I feel so safe around you, and I can finally feel all my emotions again without fear. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.” He combed his hands through my hair, and I melted. “Although, I think you did most of the work. I merely gave support from the sidelines.”

“No, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have even known it was possible. And I still need you. If I were separated from everyone who cares about me again, I don’t know what would happen.”

“I don’t know that I can take all the credit.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead in the most tender way that I squeaked involuntarily from surprise again. He smiled. “But I won’t let you go. I’ll be right there for you. I’ll figure out something.”

“Thank you. I’ll try to figure something out too.”

“But for now, I think you might need to get some sleep. You don’t want Garnet more rested than you, do you?” He chuckled.

“I normally don’t get a lot of sleep anyway. So, he’s probably always more well rested than I am.” Still, I kissed Niner’s head and got up to sit on the bed, patting for Niner to follow. Which she did excitedly.

Ives got everything ready for bed, putting the uneaten desserts up, turning off the lights, and pushing Garnet to the side so he didn’t take up too much space. Garnet mumbled something, but he didn’t wake up. Ives lay down, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close, and my cheeks burned all over again. But it was so nice. “And thank you for the sweets,” he whispered.

I nodded, but I couldn’t find my voice, feeling flustered all over again. I hugged him close and fell asleep in his arms.

*

The next day was the judgment, and while Garnet and Ives were busy with that, I wandered outside the training building, just to tracks right outside. It was nice to be outside and to be away from any Peacekeepers or anyone else. And then I noticed an orange cat sitting on a low wall, and I grinned. I loved cats! Not that I had ever been able to pet them.

I walked closer and held out my hand so he could sniff. “You’re beautiful.”

He perked up and sniffed my hand before leaning forward and bonking my hand.

Holy shit. Cats were amazing. I started petting him gently. “Wow! I’ve never been able to pet a cat before! You’re so cool!” He purred and curled his tail around him and closed his eyes partly, and this was the best day ever.

I sat down next to him on the wall, still petting him. And it just felt right to be able to talk to him. “I normally hate the Games especially because of all the eyes on me, with everyone calling me a monster. So, it’s nice to be outside and away from all of them. And with you.”

He stood up and then curled up in my lap instead! Making some biscuits on my leg! And I melted. Cats were the best! Tied for the best with dogs. I froze, scared to move and scare him off my lap. I carefully petted him again, smiling. “You’re amazing. I’ll have to tell Ives about you.”

He looked up at me with a “mrrow’ sound. Truly the best day ever! “He has a Synthetic dog named Niner, and she’s amazing. I don’t think I like you as much as Niner. Sorry.” I probably would after a while though. “But if you’re wondering, I’m warmer than normal because I have fire magic. It’s scary, but I’m trying to get myself to understand that the Capitol has been manipulating me to believe that I’m going out of control when it’s really their fault. I don’t get it. They lied to me about the prosthetics being from rebels. What do they actually want from me?”

He meowed in a distinctly “I don’t know” kind of sound. I laughed to myself at asking a cat a question. “Like a cat would know. Thanks for listening.” I leaned back and kept petting him, but I stiffened when I heard stomping footsteps coming toward me.

Someone grabbed me from behind before I could see them, and they forced me to stand. The cat jumped off my lap with a hiss as they pulled me back a little ways toward the building. “What the fuck are you doing, you monster? You’re not supposed to be here!” One of them punched me in the face before I could see them, and I cried out.

The cat hissed again, and the person who punched me scoffed at him and punched me again. Fuck. My nose was already bleeding. “Aeflin is getting tired of letting you do what you want. You’d do well to honor her wishes.”

I snarled and tried to push against the Peacekeeper who was holding me. “I won’t do what she wants anymore.”

They just kept punching me in the face and the stomach, and by the end, I collapsed from the pain. One of them kicked at the cat, and I looked desperately for him to make sure he wasn’t hurt. And he wasn’t. He looked back at me one more time before running off. Good. At least one of us could escape this hell. The Peackeepers dragged me back inside and left me in a hall. I was bleeding all over the place, and I was shaky, so it was hard to walk. Fuck.

I made it to the elevator as tears streaked down my cheeks. Why couldn’t I just stay outside and pet the cat? What was so wrong with that? It wasn’t as if I was running away, and they could tell that. I was only a few steps from the fucking door.

I finally made it to the apartment, and I immediately went to the bathroom. I finally stopped the bleeding, and I tried to figure out how to cover up the bruises as I started crying harder.

As I was trying to figure it out and put on some makeup to cover the bruises up, Garnet and Ives’s voices showed up. Fuck.

“Where’s Chess?” Garnet asked.

Then someone knocked, and Ives spoke. “Chess? Are you in there?”

Double fuck. I quickly finished up the makeup and hoped that would be good enough as I opened the door. I looked immediately down at Niner so they couldn’t see my face. “Hi. How did judgment go?”

Ives didn’t move. “I think it went well.”

“Uh. It went fantastic,” Garnet said. “Don’t let him tell you otherwise. I think he’s just salty they liked me better.” Garnet pulled off his training shirt, but I still didn’t look up. “I guess you got bored waiting for us, huh? Did you come back to get something to eat?”

“Yes.” Ives still hadn’t moved. “I know it was quite a wait since we were last.”

I nodded. “Yeah, wasn’t like I could go anywhere. But I’m glad it went well! Would you like to watch the scores?” I kneeled down to kiss Niner’s head, but this was such a flimsy excuse. Fuck.

“Oh man, we get to see them? Yeah! I’d love to watch them!” Garnet headed off and got another shirt, but Ives hadn’t moved. Fuck. “Where do we watch them?”

I stood up, still keeping my head low. This wasn’t working, but I wasn’t going to give up. “Over in the common area with the tv.” I tried to start walking to the common area to get to a couch. Maybe pillows would help me hide it?

But Ives still didn’t move. He just bent over so he could see my face better. Fuck.

Garnet paused too. “Uh, everything okay? Ives? You glitching out over there?”

“Are you alright?” Ives whispered softly.

I couldn’t tell them. I was so fucking weak that I couldn’t even fight off some Peacekeepers. I flinched. “I’m…I’m fine.” My voice was all wavery.

Ives slowly crouched down, gently running a hand down my prosthetic arm until he held my hand. Fuck. He was so fucking gentle. “Little one, are you hurt?”

My face twisted, and the tears started all over again. “I…I just went outside the training building to stand by the train tracks and get some fresh air to get away from all the stares, and I found a cat and petted him. But some Peacekeepers came after me and grabbed me and punched me multiple times, saying Aeflin won’t stand for me not listening to her for much longer.”

“Shit…” Garnet hissed.

Ives kept hold of my hand, standing up to pull me into a hug. Shit. I hugged him tightly back, starting to cry harder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He combed his hands through my hair. “I’m so sorry, Chess.” He led me over to the foot of the bed, having me sit down. “Do you remember what they look like?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t really see their faces. They grabbed me from behind and didn’t give me a chance to see them before they punched me.”

Ives’s free hand balled into a fist, and he took in a breath. Garnet stepped closer, leaning down to look at my face. “Jeez-o, they really got you. They attacked you from behind? Because Aeflin told them to?”

“I guess. I had left the building, and they probably saw me do that and saw an excuse to hurt me.” I held Ives’s hand tightly, intertwining our fingers as I cried worse. “I don’t want to go back to what it was like before. Please.”

He stayed quiet, and after a bit, his free hand snapped into the wall beside us, and Garnet backed up. I wasn’t scared. I trusted him more than anyone else. Ives looked up at me with his jaw set. “I don’t care what I have to do, I’m not letting them do that to you. I’ll refuse to go into the games. I’m not leaving your side.”

I froze and stared. I couldn’t imagine someone caring for me that much. My cheeks warmed up, and I hugged him tightly. “Thank you, but I don’t want you to get hurt either.”

He tore his hand from the wall and hugged me tightly back. “I don’t care. I am tired of everyone harming you, treating you as if you’re something lesser. I’m not letting it happen anymore. When we go into our interview, one of us will stay with you.”

“But I bet they’ll want a shared interview because you’re a couple. I don’t want to hurt your chances.” Still, I buried my face into his shoulder, holding him as close as I could. I just felt so safe around him.

“Then I want you somewhere you’ll be safe. With Ash or if you can find Beau.” I could almost feel him shaking. “I’m not letting anyone think they can get away with treating you any lesser. Certainly not to lay a hand on you.”

I nodded. “I’ll try. Thank you.” I relaxed in his arms. I felt so damn safe. “I love you.”

Ives didn’t say anything for a bit, and I bit my lip. Should I have not said that? It had just felt right. “I can’t…I can’t say it, but I need you to know I feel the same about you. I’ve only ever felt this about you.”

Oh. I hadn’t expected something so nice. My cheeks burned, and I started crying again. “Thank you. That makes me feel so good.” I shifted and kissed Ives’s neck, moving closer to him. I certainly liked the touch now that I was with someone I trusted.

He held me even closer, pressing his forehead into my shoulder. “And I want to do anything I can to make sure no one hurts you ever again. Not by their blows or their words. Not even Aeflin. I’m not scared of her.”

I kissed his jaw, closing my eyes. “I’m not going to let you get hurt though.”

“I may have to and I’m alright with that. As long as this stops.”

I shook my head. He couldn’t get hurt. Not for me. I wasn’t worth it. “I couldn’t stand if you got hurt because of me. I’m not worth it!”

He chuckled and nodded. “You are. There’s a chance I’m going to get hurt in these Games anyway. I’d rather make it count.”

I started crying again. Fuck. “But I’m not. I’m not. Please, I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt.”

“Chess, you have been hurt for far too long, far too many times. I cannot stand by and watch it happen all awhile caring for you as much as I do. Those two things cannot coincide.” He used his thumbs to dry my eyes, speaking softly. “I’m willing to get hurt, by my own choice, to make sure you aren’t hurt later. And this I will be selfish about.”

No. I couldn’t stand that. I started sobbing. “Please no. I can’t stand it. I can’t let you get hurt.”

“All of this can be replaced,” he cooed. “That’s the point of myself being in the Games. I can be put back together. But you can’t. And I don’t want to lose you.”

“We really can’t, Chess,” Garnet said. “We’ve seen what people are like, and what Ash said about you being lied to.” Garnet shook his head. “If we’re going to set things right with the Capitol, the least we could do is start with protecting you.”

I wouldn’t be able to convince them, and they wouldn’t be able to convince me. The thought of either of them getting hurt gave me a knot in my stomach. I had to change the subject. “But we need to watch the judgment scores. We need to go.”

“Are you sure you want to go out? Are you feeling alright?” Ives whispered.

I nodded. “I’m fine. It’s not as if there will be anyone else there.” It was just the common area of the District 12 apartment. “The escort doesn’t care, and I’m the only mentor. I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Ives nodded and stood up, holding out a hand for me. “Let’s see how we did.”

“I bet I got a higher score than you.” Garnet chuckled. “Wait, is it by person or by district?”

“By person.” I took Ives’s hand and stayed close to him as we walked over to the common area. Niner trotted beside me, and I petted her.

Ives looked tense as we walked, but I led them to the common area and turned on the tv before flopping on one of the couches. They were so comfy. I pulled Ives down next to me and leaned against him as I called Niner up as well. She curled up and put her head on my lap. Garnet sprawled on another couch with a yawn, and Ives relaxed against me. Everything was fine.

I cuddled closer, just imagining them getting hurt, so I distracted myself by kissing his shoulder. Ives took my hand and rubbed a thumb over my knuckles. “Besides us, because that would be bias, which district do you think has the greatest threat?”

I hummed. “Honestly, if I didn’t know that Ash was on our side, I’d say District 1. She’s very crafty and manipulative from what I’ve seen and heard.”

“So that makes her the best ally then?” Ives tilted his head against me, and my cheeks heated up. “What about her partner?”

“I don’t know much about them, but I heard they’re quiet and observant. I don’t know if they know much about fighting though.” I absentmindedly brought my hand up to comb through his hair.

“That’s okay,” Garnet said. “No good in having tons of fighters if you don’t have someone in the lead. I know I wouldn’t be a good leader.”

“Me either,” Ives said.

I nodded. “Yes, a balance to the team is a good idea.” Naivi had been the one with all the plans, and I had been more the muscle. And I had failed her.

“I still don’t know why they make 12 year old children do this,” Ives whispered. “Why so young?”

I just remembered hearing all the cheering when they replayed all the deaths in the arena, at least until I had burned it completely to the ground. Then the crowd turned into jeering at me. “I guess to make the deaths more entertaining. At least to the Capitol. I mean, if everyone was an 18 year old who could fight, the Capitol wouldn’t find any fucking interest in that.” I snarled, flashes of my time in the arena bubbling to the surface.

“It needs to be burned to the ground,” Garnet said. “Oh, hey, you’ve never seen Ives in action. Have you?”

Fuck. My mind wandered to actions he probably didn’t mean, and my cheeks burned. I shook my head. “What do you mean?”

“Uh, like his fighting style?” Garnet looked over at me with a confused expression.

Double fuck. My cheeks burned worse. Of course that was what he had meant. I stuttered a bit, ducking my head. “Well, yeah, we’ve sparred in hand to hand.”

“Yeah, but Ives went for his long range. I went for hand to hand.”

“We figured it would be a good combination between long range and close quarters,” Ives added.

I nodded, trying to hide my blush. “That is a good idea. But why did you ask if I had…seen Ives in action?” My mind was still wandering to the other meanings of the word, and I found I didn’t mind the idea. I looked over at Ives. “Are you really good?”

He grinned, tipping his head to look back at me. And fuck. He was so gorgeous. My cheeks burned all over again, and I could feel the blush travel down my neck. “I’m really good.” He chuckled. “But it’s cheating because it’s what I was made for.”

“How is that cheating?” I asked. “I mean, the Capitol just wants a show, right? You could snipe cameras or something so they couldn’t watch you in the arena.”

“Whoa, that’s a genius idea,” Garnet said. “Ives, you’d be great at that.”

“I could do that. I’d be able to scan to know where they are.” Ives smiled again. Fuck.

I squeaked and hid my face. I was so fucking hopeless. “That’s amazing. I certainly want to see you in action.” My voice sounded so strangled. Maybe he’d realize I meant both ways?

He chuckled and kept holding onto my hand, and I tried to get rid of the blush as best as I could. But then he brought my hand up to kiss my knuckles, and it got bad all over again.

My voice sounded squeaky when I spoke. “Your scores are coming up now, so we should pay attention to that!”

“I already know I did good,” Ives said confidently. “You can watch if you like.”

I looked up, even though it meant that Ives would see my blush. Ives did better than Garnet, but they had both gotten great scores.

“Aw, shit,” Garnet scowled. “You did better than me. That’s garbage!”

I smiled. “You both did very well. You certainly look intimidating.”

“I hope Aeflin got to see it.” Ives tipped his head back against me, and my cheeks burned again. “I hope it makes her think twice about sending threats again. Because I don’t need a weapon to get the job done.”

I leaned back against him. “Thank you.” I swallowed any other words that I wanted to say. About how scared I was that Aeflin would hurt them. Also about how I wanted to kiss him breathless and be close to him. I couldn’t get the courage to ask. Not when we should be worrying about the Games instead. And yet, I still leaned against Ives and started to close my eyes. It was too nice being near both of them. They were some of the nicest people in the world.

#tw blood #writeblr hunger games #writeblr #no editing

[imthebadguyyy]

maybe something like interviewer asking her sexist questions and the boys stand up for her , after that interview she feels insecure and the boys comfort her . that's just an idea you don't have to write it !! <33

I hope you like it, and I'm so sorry about the delay 😭 I couldn't find my footing with this one, and I hope it's what you wanted ! Have a lovely day 💙

The One Where They're There For Her

Pairing - One Direction x Reader (6thmember!female!reader)

Fandom - One Direction (Directioners)

Summary - A particularly sexist interview decides to reduce you to just a sexual being and makes no effort to hide his misogyny. But the boys are there to support you.

Warnings - sexualization of the lgbt community, sexist comments, swearing, (honestly I hated myself for writing some of the comments here,and I'm so sorry)

Being a part of the biggest band in the world comes with certain responsibilities. Not responsibilities that come along with signing a recording contract, but those that a person deems themselves responsible for. For example, as the only female in a boyband, a female with a fanbase as large as yours, you took it upon yourself to always stand up for what's right, and to be an ally for the causes close to your heart.

That meant that your social media was often flooded with information about important causes, or your opinions on issues like feminism. Was it always well received? Heck no. There were people filled your feed with hate and comments calling you the most horrible names and labelling you a 'man hater' and a 'bitch' But you didn't let it get to you. On most days. On days like today, it was all you could do to keep it together. It had been a tiring few days, touring, recording, performing and doing an endless amount of interviews and photoshoots. It was safe to say you were on the last of your nerves, having battled your way through a makeup artist who had insisted on pointing out your flaws and had used a shit ton of makeup to cover them up. You had battled a photographer who had not hesitated to tell you that if you didn't look more feminine people would think you were turning into a man.

Before you could retaliate, Paul had dragged him away and told management to cancel the photoshoot, and find another photographer before grabbing the six of you some sandwiches and had let you all go back for a quick power nap at the hotel. Then in about half an hour he had woken you up, to get you ready for another interview. That's how you were here, in a white jumpsuit and a black blazer jacket, paired with black heels. Another day, another interviewer that got on your nerves. But this one, this one was different. This interviewer was different, but also the same. Another misogynistic man who thought he was entitled to stare at your ass and cleavage, and eye fuck you as you settled into a seat in between Niall and Zayn.

Settling in, you crossed one knee over the other, plastering a fake smile onto your face, as the man leaned back in his chair, throwing you a sleazy smirk. Noticing the look, Zayn shifted so you were out of view of the interviewer, but in view of the audience. It was in moments like this that you were a 100× more grateful to have your boys. They were well aware of how sleazy some interviewers could be, having had plenty of experience with them, and Zayn and Louis in particular were very protective about the way you were treated. Squeezing your thigh softly, he leaned back a little, lips settling into a thin line as he looked at the interviewer with a cold look. A little behind, Louis threw the interviewer a dirty look.

"So, One Direction! Congratulations on the album, as you all know its out on November the 22nd, with eighteen new songs, including the singles Night Changes and Steal My Girl Speaking of stealing girls, do you think I could steal your number Y/N? And may I mention, you look ver, very hot in that outfit" The interviewer joked, throwing you what he thought was a sexy smirk. (P.S - it wasn't) Answering with an awkward laugh, you shook your head, as Niall tensed up beside you. "Aww come on, your'e a pretty girl, I'm a handsome guy, let's go out sometime" he pressed on, ignoring the growing anger in Harry's eyes. "That's umm, nice. But no thanks, I'm not going to go out with you" was your answer, as you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. Picking up on your nervous tic, Zayn moved his hand to rest on your knee, stopping it from bouncing up and down.

"Aww come on baby, what is it? You like girls or something? Because I wouldn't mind being a part of that action either" the sleazebag chuckled, ignoring the disgusted look Liam sent his way. "That's rude" Liam said, while Zayn tightened his grip on your knee. "Oh come on lads, are you telling me the idea doesn't appeal to you? Two women together, mm, makes me all excited just thinking about it, especially if one of them's Y/N" That comment was all it took for Louis to stand up, turning to the man and saying in a voice much rougher than his usual voice, "Alright, that's fuckin' enough, what the fuck is actually wrong with you?" he was backed up by Liam, who stood up, going to tower over the interviewer, whose eyes had lost some of the sleazy look in them. "All you've done since we walked in here is make those disgusting comments about Y/N, and it's sickening. Have some fucking respect" he practically spat.

Behind him, Zayn took your hand in his and pulled you to your feet, noticing the slight glossiness in them, leading you back to the dressing rooms, while Niall, Liam, Louis and Harry stayed back to continue to snap at the interviewer. "That is no way to treat a woman, and not only are you disrespecting her, you also made those god awful events about seeing women together. Your'e a shame to every single person in this room by talking like that" Harry continued, glancing over his shoulder to check if you were okay.

"And no, it doesn't excite us, because we are not assholes, and you are, a disgusting sleaze who does not deserve the job he has. Fuckin loser" Niall chimed in, standing up and storming out. Louis stood up as well, turning to directly face the cameras and the cameramen and sound technicians, who had all looked shocked when the man had made his comments towards you. "I sure as hell hope you have that on record, so you can see just how fucking sexist this industry is to women. Y/N does the same job as us, works just as hard and has the same number of awards, nominations, and records and yet you decide to only focus on her body, clothes, love life and sexuality. Get a fucking life" he spat at the camera, before walking away himself, eventually followed by Harry and Liam, who apologized to the outraged fans before leaving themselves. As they made their way to the dressing rooms they could hear the audience telling the interviewer to apologize to you, their anger at the way you were treated echoing through the building.

Walking in, Harry caught sigh of you curled up in one of the armchairs, with Louis sitting beside you, while Niall and Zayn talked to a furious Paul. "He had no damn right to treat her like shite, and you need to make sure that he knows those comments were un-fuckin-acceptable" Niall was saying, looking angrier than Harry had ever seen him. "And to make those sickening comments about wanting to get action? Can't we sue him for something?" Was Zayn's reply, glancing over his shoulder at you to make sure you were still okay. "We can't sue him, atleast I don't think we can, but I'll have someone let the smug bastard know that he needs to learn how to respect a woman" Paul said, before leaving the room to give the six of you some time together before you had to head back to the hotel.

"How're you feeling darling?" Louis said, moving over and patting your knee so you moved. "I'm okay" you mumbled back, letting Louis settle in next to you, leaning back to rest on his chest. "He had no fuckin right to say any of that, and don't you let it trouble you for a second" Zayn added, pouring out a cup of tea for you and for Louis and Harry. "I don't care about what he said, I couldn't care less, but it was just so frustrating, sitting there and listening to him just sexualize a whole community of people. You've got to be in a really sad place to think of shit like that. That's what annoyed me. You think I give a damn about what he said about my clothes or wanting to take me out on a date? It was the way he was talking, like he was sure any woman would be glad to have him that irked me. He's really tiresome" was your reply, as you reached forward for a sip of your tea. "That's the right attitude love. Haters gonna hate" Harry said.

"I know that. But I just wish I could punch him once, which sounds mean, but he does kind of deserve it" Niall said, earning a laugh from you. Niall was never usually aggressive, and even now, he wasn't particularly rude but it was rare to see him wanting to punch someone. "It's okay Niall, you don't have to. I can do it myself, but I won't" you replied, leaning up to squeeze his hand. "Besides, Ni, if you went and punched him, I'd do it too, and then we'd all go to jail" Liam chimed in, scrolling through his twitter. "Twitter isn't happy either babe. #stopsexualization and #Y/Ndeservesbetter is trending already" he added, showing you his phone. "If it means some of these sexist asses get their heads out of the sand, I'm happy. But I dont want to to think about it now" you replied, cuddling closer to the warmth radiating from Louis's body.

"Okay, we won't talk about it. Do you want to go back to the hotel?" Harry asked, standing up and walking to the door "No I want to go to Nando's. Anybody else hungry?" You asked, to nods of assent from the boys. "I'm starving. Those stupid sandwiches didn't fill me up at all" Zayn said, standing up to grab his coat and wallet. "I know and I'm craving some hot Peri Peri chicken with some fries. Do you think they'd let me put the lemon and herb sauce on the fries?" You asked, standing up yourself, earning a laugh from Louis. "Your'e an international superstar babe, I think they'd give you some lemon herb sauce" Liam joked.

Laughing, the six of you made your way to the car, with Harry and Niall squishing you in between them, as Louis sat in the back with Liam, and Zayn sat in the front with Paul (he was driving thank GOD) "I'm proud of you darling" Harry chimed in suddenly. "I am too" Niall added. "You know I am" Louis said, before Liam added "Always babe" and Zayn turned to smile at you before adding, "We are all proud of you, and we always will be, not only because you do a damn good job of not listening to the haters, but because you do what you think is right" "Awh come on, your'e gonna make me cry" you mumbled, leaning into Niall's shoulder. "Almost makes me feel bad for teasing you about having an extremely low spice tolerance the last time we were at Nando's Haz" you smirked, earning a roar of laughter from the boys.

"That chicken was spicy love!" "It was lemon and herb with no peri peri!" "And it was spicy!"

And just like that, you were back to messing around with each other. Sleazy interviewers would come and go, but your boys were always there to support you. Always.

-------

A/N - Thanks for reading ! I'd also like to apologize on the behalf of this fictitious interviewer I made up, I felt so bad while writing some of this 😭 anyways, I hope this is what you wanted! Enjoy !

Tags - @zaynkissbot @gucci-hazza @bxtchboy69

#one direction x reader #one direction x sixth member #one direction imagines #one direction fanfiction #one direction #harry styles x reader #liam payne x reader #louis tomlinson x reader #niall horan x reader #zayn malik x reader #imthebadguyyytags #harry styles #niall horan #liam payne #louis tomlinson #zayn malik

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Grabbing Smoke

As much time as Sam spent with her best friends, sometimes she enjoyed a little bit of time alone.

Tucker was helping his mother bake cookies for some kind of fundraiser for the hospital, and Danny was busy visiting Pandora for fighting lessons. Apparently they were using swords today.

As fun as it sounded, Sam opted to stay behind, it had been a while since she'd been down to the park to feed the ducks. She didn't get quiet moments like that very often any more.

There was an uncharacteristic skip to her gait as she walked to the park, a canvas tote bag swinging from her arm.

Living in Amity Park, and especially hanging around with Danny, gave her an eerie sense to when something was amiss. Nothing quite like Danny's ghost sense, but she'd learned to detect a particular chill to the air, a prickling at the back of her neck. It could easily be mistaken for a chilly breeze, but Sam knew better. The crunch of gravel under Sam's boots was the only sound permeating the still air, not even the trees were rustling.

She continued her walk through the park, past the wishing fountain and through a trail where the trees grew slightly more dense.

The trail opened up to a large pond, it wasn't anything especially picturesque, the reeds were a little overgrown, the ground was muddy, but there were a few simple weather worn benches by the path that looped around the water.

Sam took a seat, pulling out a bag of frozen peas. She opened it, tipped a few into her hand and tossed them into the water.

The ducks immediately sped across the pond toward her, fighting for the peas that the turtles hadn't already gotten to.

Instead of grabbing another handful, she held the bag out to the empty seat to her left, waiting for a moment before shaking the bag impatiently.

A green hand slipped into the bag, pulling out a handful of peas before tossing them into the water.

"How'd you know I was here?" Kitty asked, now sitting visibly on the other end of the bench as Sam poured out more peas for both of them.

"I have my ways." Sam smirked. "What I want to know is why you've been following me all week."

"You knew for that long and you didn't say nothin'?" Kitty huffed. "Damn, I gotta up my game."

A duck waddled up and nibbled on her boot.

"Alright alright, ya hungry little doofus." Kitty lowered a hand full of peas and cooed as the duck happily ate from her palm. "Aww these guys aren't shy at all, do you come here a lot?"

"When I can." Sam tossed a few more peas into the water for the turtles. "So why are you following me?"

Kitty sat back and pressed her lips together, thinking.

"Look it's just... I don't remember much from when I was livin', you know? It's all sorta grey and fuzzy, I can't remember what anyone looked like, except Johnny." she tossed some peas to a smaller duck at the back of the group. "But as soon as I showed up here in town and I saw your face, I thought I felt... I dunno, somethin'. Like I'd seen you before, or maybe you just reminded me of someone, but I can't remember who, it's like grabbing smoke."

She lobbed a few peas a little harder than was necessary at the water. The turtles sucked them up greedily.

"So you've just been following me hoping you might remember something else?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Kitty sighed. "But it's not working."

Sam swung her foot idly between a pair of scuffling ducks, splitting them up before tossing out some more peas.

"Maybe I'm related to someone you knew. Where did you grow up?"

Kitty frowned down at the water.

"I... I don't know." she said, deflating somewhat. "I didn't even realise I forgot that."

Sam couldn't help but feel for her, Danny had told her that ghosts would often forget things from their past, especially once they'd been dead for longer than they'd been alive. Somehow she had never really considered how terrifying that must be.

"You know..." Sam started carefully. "I could show you some old family photos. Maybe you'll recognise someone?"

Kitty looked up, eyes shining brightly.

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Why not?" Sam shrugged. "If you were here to cause trouble you would have done it by now."

"Aw, I never thought you'd wanna do something like that for me." said Kitty, smiling brightly. "You always seemed like such a bitch."

Sam laughed.

"If you'd spent a week being someone that wasn't Paulina, I would probably have seemed like less of a bitch."

"So you guys are big rivals or somethin'?" Kitty asked, grabbing some more peas and giggling as three ducks tried to eat from her hand at once.

"It's more that we have... conflicting ideologies. She thinks that appearances and reputation are the most important things in life, just like my parents." Sam lobbed some more peas into the water, they both watched them disappear as the turtles quickly snapped them up. "It's shallow and stupid, and I don't get why they have to push that shit on everyone. I don't care what people think, I just want to be whoever the hell I wanna be without having to fight for it all the time."

Kitty's face turned contemplative as she tapped her nails on the back of the bench.

"I think... I was like that." she said, slowly. "I wanted to feel fun and exciting, but my parents..."

She trailed off, frowning.

"My parents... I didn't like them. They didn't like me bein' the way I was, I can't really remember why."

Sam emptied out the last of the peas and scattered them over the ground, she scrunched up the empty packet and shoved it back into her tote bag.

"You know, if we went to school together we would probably have gotten along." said Sam as she stood up, gesturing toward the path. "Let's go check out those photos."

Instead of floating invisibly behind, Kitty walked by Sam's side as they headed back to her house. She idly waved at people as they drove past, grinning when someone stared a little too long and almost ran a red light.

"You know, it's nice bein' able to walk around in the day." Kitty said, skipping a little. "Wish I could do it more often."

"What's stopping you?"

"What do you think?" Kitty's lip pulled up in disgust. "Any time I show up your dumb friend sucks me up in his stupid thermos. Only reason I can walk around right now is because I got you as my get out of jail free card."

"Danny doesn't care if you just want to walk around." Sam scoffed. "He lets ghosts wander around town all the time, he only gets involved when you start breaking things."

"Uggghhh but just walking around is so boring." Kitty pouted. "I mean yeah it's nice and I like it but it gets old real quick."

"Then you'll have to get used to getting tossed back in the ghost zone. Do not pass go, do not collect $200."

"Don't you ever get sick of his goody goody attitude?" Kitty asked. "I mean you and I aren't so different right? You're all about the rebel gig, don't you ever feel like keyin' some asshole's car, or takin' a baseball bat to some mail boxes?"

"Only if they deserve it." said Sam with a smirk. "But I feel like you aren't especially picky about whose stuff you're breaking."

They approached the door to the Manson mansion, Sam hopped up the steps and stuck the key in the lock. She touched the mezuzah on the doorpost without a second thought before opening the door and standing aside to invite Kitty in.

The ghost stared up at her warily.

"I can't get past it."

"Past what?" Sam asked.

"The mezuzah, it keeps me out."

"What?" Sam frowned. "It hasn't stopped other ghosts from getting in."

"Well it stops me." Kitty insisted. "I think it's got somethin' to do with what we believed in when we were alive. I haven't got a problem with churches but when Johnny tried to ride his bike through one he couldn't get in. His mom raised him Catholic, he says he doesn't believe in any of that stuff, but I think he still does, deep down."

"So does that mean you were Jewish?" Sam asked, smiling curiously.

"I AM Jewish." Kitty crossed her arms. "Bein' a ghost hasn't changed that, it just... means that we got a few things a little wrong."

Sam thought about that for a moment, before stepping aside and gesturing toward the door again.

"Well, if you've been invited and you're not going to cause any trouble, then I don't see why you shouldn't be able to come in."

Kitty climbed the steps slowly, fingers reaching out and cautiously brushing over the mezuzah, she didn't feel anything unusual, no zap or burn or pain. She took a step through the doorway and passed the threshold without issue, no invisible force or barrier like the last time she tried to follow Sam inside.

"Well, what do you know." she said, grinning.

Sam lead her into a large, open planned kitchen and dining area, the tiles were bright white save for the specks of mud Sam's boots tracked through the room. The decor was minimalist, the atmosphere bland and sterile, she could smell some kind of citrus surface cleaner.

The back wall was all windows, leading to a patio surrounded by perfectly trimmed grass. As they approached, Sam turned, heading towards a door to their right.

The next room felt a lot more friendly, it was full of bookshelves and red tones. The lounges looked soft and inviting, a fireplace sat cold and empty against the back wall, but Kitty didn't have to try hard to imagine it roaring to life, filling the room with its warm glow.

"This is basically my Grandma's part of the house." Sam informed her, voice low. "Her bedroom is just through there, she's usually napping around this time of day so try not to make too much noise."

Kitty slipped off her jacket and laid it over the back of the lounge, already feeling at home in the cosy little room. She looked over the books as Sam fussed around some kind of large ornate chest.

"Here it is." She hefted a large photo album from the chest, carefully closing and latching it again. "Let's see if you recognise anyone in here."

Kitty sat down beside Sam as she opened up the pristine book, the outer cover was beige with the name Manson inscribed in golden cursive on the front. The first page was full of old faded photos, in greyscale or sepia tones.

"Ugh, I'm not that old." said Kitty, flicking ahead a few pages.

The pictures were colourful now, but still grainy, there was a young blonde boy in seventies style jeans leaning casually against a Chevrolet.

"Wait hold up," Kitty pointed at the boy. "Him, I feel like I've seen him before."

"That's my dad." said Sam, surprised. "His name is Jeremy, did you know him?"

Kitty hummed a little, gently tracing a finger over the picture.

"Jeremy... Jeremy, I'm not sure," she frowned. "But he definitely looks familiar."

They continued through the book, when suddenly Kitty slapped her hand down roughly on a photo of a pair of young women.

"Her! I know her! She was a mega bitch!"

"Shhh keep it down." Sam hissed.

"Sorry," Kitty pointed to the blonde girl in the photo. "That one! I don't know how I knew her, but I definitely knew her. She was a total brat."

Sam slipped the photo out of its sleeve and read the neat cursive on the back.

"This is... my Aunt Caroline, in 1985. She's my dad's sister." Sam looked up at Kitty, amused. "I can't believe you had beef with my family."

"Your family are snobs." Kitty sniffed. "Carrie was such a ditz, she thought she was sooo bitchin' because her daddy bought her a Mercedes."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Sam grimaced. "Did you guys go to school together or something?"

"Maybe..." Kitty took the photo from Sam's hand, staring intently. "I'm pretty sure I skipped school a lot, I hated it there. It was a private school, we had to wear uniforms, barf."

"I would never have guessed you were a private school kid." Sam shook her head. "But most people would say that about me so it's not like I can judge."

"You went to private school?" Kitty asked, "How'd you end up in that Casper High dump?"

"Got myself expelled." said Sam, voice thick with pride. "Elementary, middle and high school, got kicked out of all three."

"Damn, you're good."

Sam grinned, slipping the photo back in its sleeve and continuing to the next page.

Kitty pointed to a few other photos, remarking on their familiarity, but not quite able to grasp how she knew them, the memories only flickered in her periphery.

"Wait," Kitty whispered, fingers brushing over a polaroid containing three people. "This is..."

The picture looked as though it were taken at some kind of party, a man and a woman faced the camera, each with a glass of champagne raised in their hands. The woman's other hand rested on the shoulder of a teenage girl with auburn hair, pulled into a tidy braid. She stared glumly at the camera.

"That's Katherine." Sam said, pointing to the girl. "She was my dad's cousin, but she got hit by a car when she was-"

Sam paused, looking over at Kitty's wide eyes and then back to the photo.

"Noooo way." Sam pulled the photo out of the sleeve. "Is this you?"

Kitty took the photo in trembling hands.

"I... I forgot I used to look like that." she fiddled with a lock of her green, teased hair. "I remember this party, I didn't want to go but mom and dad threatened to take away all my records and cassettes if I didn't."

Sam stared at Kitty, mouth agape.

"You're Car Crash Katherine?! My dad talks about you all the time! He always told me about the shit you used to get up to, he'd tell me that any kind of 'rebellious behaviour' was a slippery slope to 'dying on the back of some delinquent's motorcycle'." Sam put a hand on Kitty's shoulder. "You were my bad influence role model."

Kitty's red eyes shone with tears, photo still in hand, she wrapped her arms around Sam.

"This is majorly wicked! My legacy lives on! Corrupting the youth from beyond the grave!" Kitty laughed. "My parents would go totally mental."

She stopped laughing, her face turning forlorn as she drew back from Sam and stared down at the picture.

"Are they still alive?" she asked, a tremble in her voice.

"Yeah..." said Sam. "They live in a retirement home in Florida. They don't come around very often."

Kitty traced a finger over their faces.

"I wonder if they miss me." she said quietly. "Or if they were glad to be rid of the family embarrassment."

Sam didn't answer, she had wondered the same thing herself, if her parents would even care if she died. They hadn't given her a lot of reason to think they would.

She rested a sympathetic hand on Kitty's arm.

"Oh, you have a friend over bubbeleh?" a croaky voice spoke from the bedroom doorway.

Sam and Kitty both turned to see Ida Manson shuffling into the room, cleaning her glasses with her sleeve.

"Sorry Grandma, we didn't mean to be too loud." Sam apologised. "This is my... um, friend, Kitty. Kitty this is my Grandma Ida-"

"Ida?!" Kitty shot to her feet, staring in shock at the old woman. "Aunt Ida?!"

Ida squinted at Kitty, before quickly setting her glasses back on her face.

"Well as I live and breath, is that you Kathy?"

"Oh my god this is getting super weird." Sam whispered.

Kitty leapt over the ottoman to wrap Ida up in a tight hug, the old woman was surprised for a moment, but held her warmly in return.

"It's me Aunt Ida! Not really living or breathing but it's me!" Kitty laughed breathlessly.

"Oh my goodness, when all the ghosts started showing up all over town I wondered if I would ever see someone I knew." She rubbed comforting circles on Kitty's back as the ghost choked on a few sobs. "It's good to see you again Kathy."

Ida pulled away and wiped a tear from Kitty's face.

"And I'm so glad you aren't stuck wearing what your parents buried you in."

Kitty couldn't help but laugh through her tears.

"Let me guess, it was that putrid blue dress, wasn't it?"

"The dress wasn't nearly as bad as what they did to your hair." Ida snickered, patting Kitty's hand. "It had little ribbons in it and everything."

"I almost forgot you." Kitty placed her palm gently against Ida's face. "You were the only one in the family who ever loved me for being me, and I almost forgot you. I'm so sorry, I should have come to find you sooner but I just-"

"Shhhh, it's okay bubbeleh." Ida grasped her hand tight. "I think being dead is a pretty good excuse for forgetting a few things."

Sam stood beside the lounge, watching the two in shock, she wasn't entirely certain whether or not to intrude. Whatever she had been expecting to discover with Kitty today, it certainly hadn't been this.

Though in hindsight, it did explain Kitty's familiarity with Sam, people always said she had taken after her Grandma.

Ida let go of Kitty and hobbled over to the photo album still sitting on the lounge.

"Oh you don't want to look at that album." she said, as she shoved it onto the coffee table. She wandered to the other side of the room and began rummaging around in a small cupboard. "You want this one."

She pulled out a book with well worn, peeling edges. Pieces of the plastic sleeves had cracked off and crumbled away. It was old, and weatherbeaten, it was obvious that Ida had looked through it many many times.

"Here we go." she sat down in the middle of the lounge, gesturing for the two girls to come sit beside her. "These are the forbidden photos."

She opened the pages, the photos inside were entirely different from the 'official' album, there were no perfectly poised, prim and proper photos of people in nice, presentable clothes. They were all candid shots, people in the middle of eating or laughing, some were stumbling around blind drunk, a few were smoking joints. There were pictures from parties and protest rallies, in backyards and drive ins.

There was a picture of Jeremy as a young boy, grinning with one of his front teeth missing and grass in his hair.

"Only in this family would losing your baby teeth make a photo 'unsavoury'." Ida grizzled as she continued through the album. "I saved so many pictures that my husband would have thrown out otherwise."

"Ugh, Uncle Peter was such a prude, he wouldn't even let me in the house if I didn't have my shoulders covered up." Kitty rolled her eyes.

"He used to be so much more relaxed when we were young." Ida sighed. "He changed when he inherited his father's business, he forgot how to have fun."

A few pages later Kitty squealed in excitement.

"Oh my god! That's Frankie! She was my best friend, we used to do everything together!"

The Kitty in the photo looked far more like the Kitty Sam knew. Her hair was teased up, and she was wearing a crop top and a miniskirt. The other girl, Frankie, had short curled hair and a leather jacket. They each had an arm around the others' shoulder and grinned wildly.

"I love this one." Ida smiled as she pulled the picture out of the sleeve. "That was the night I gave you a lift to that concert."

"Oh that show was sooo good! I got my nose pierced there! It got so infected, Mom grounded me for a month." Kitty laughed.

"Man, and I thought I was cool for skipping school to go see Circus Gothica." Sam grinned. "I'm gonna have to come home with a tattoo next time."

"I can't believe I forgot about Frankie, I can't believe I forgot about all of this." Kitty held the photo close to her chest, a few tears running down her face. "I'm so glad it's not gone for good."

She kept the photo in hand as they looked through the rest of the album. There were many pictures of Ida, all of them with other people of all walks of life.

"Oh this was when you took us to that pride parade!" Kitty smiled. "You made Frankie so happy, and you knew a lot of the drag queens there, like a LOT."

"Grandma took me to a drag show when I was 10," said Sam. "Even took me backstage to meet them all, my parents thought we went to the theatre to see Romeo and Juliet."

"Oh I have photos from that." Ida flipped through the pages, getting closer to the end of the album. "Here we are, oh Evelyn just LOVED you."

Sam looked at the picture of Evelyn, frowning slightly.

"Oh weird, she kinda looks like Mr Lancer's sister, he keeps her photo on his desk..." Sam paused as she processed what she just said. "That's not his sister is it?"

"You probably shouldn't bring it up." said Ida gently. "Teachers can get in trouble for associating with this sort of thing."

"That's so bogus!" Kitty cried. "I really thought this kinda stuff would be better in the future!"

"It is," Ida assured her. "But we're a long way from perfect."

Ida flipped back through the album, searching for more pictures of Kitty and Frankie. There were a good few of them, each one Ida pulled out and passed over for Kitty to look at and hold onto.

"Oh woah, is that Johnny?" Sam pointed to a picture of Kitty sitting on the back of a motorcycle with a blonde boy. "He looks exactly the same, just a little less pale."

"Oh, did Johnny come back as a ghost too?" Ida asked.

"Yeah! We've been together all this time, in sickness and in death." Kitty beamed. "Mom and dad blamed him for everything I did, even if he wasn't around when I did it. They said him and Frankie were 'corrupting' me."

She rolled her eyes.

"I bet they blamed him for my death too. They'd be so mad if they knew we were still together."

"Just goes to show they had no chance of keeping you two apart." Ida said. "Not even death could do that."

Kitty held the photo tight in both hands, her shoulders began to shake slightly.

"It was my fault you know." she said with a trembling little giggle. "Funny huh? My parents always blamed him for everything, but in the end it was my fault we got hit. We were havin' a fight over somethin' stupid and I distracted him-"

Ida wrapped an arm around Kitty, patting her head comfortingly as she laid it against the old woman's shoulder.

"I think you're being too hard on yourself bubbeleh." Ida whispered gently into her hair. "It was raining, the truck that hit you was running a red light, the driver was charged for both your deaths. Even if you did distract him, you weren't the only card at play that night."

She gave Kitty a light shake.

"And don't think I didn't see the way Johnny used to drive that thing, he was reckless. I have no doubt that he wasn't paying as much attention as he should have been." She placed a kiss on the girl's forehead and squeezed her tight. "It's not fair to hold all of that responsibility on yourself, even if you both did everything right, that truck still would have run that red light, it still would have been raining. It was just pure rotten luck."

Sam had never heard a ghost talk about their death before, even Danny didn't like talking about his accident, and asking about it was incredibly taboo. Sam had been pushing her luck earlier just by mentioning the car crash.

It said a lot about Kitty's love for Ida that she chose to open up about it. Sam couldn't say she was surprised, her Grandma had always been like that. Never anything but an endless well of love and support, and the occasional kick in the pants if you needed it.

"Johnny's always had rotten luck." Kitty sniffed. "Follows him like a shadow."

"Literally." Sam snorted.

After a few more moments, Ida pulled herself away from Kitty, she got up and began rooting through the cupboards, muttering to herself.

"Aha, here it is."

She brought over an empty photo album, it was roughly the size of a small pocketbook, containing only one photo sleeve per page.

"I meant to fill this with photos for Sam to keep." Ida admitted as she shuffled back over to the girls. "But I don't think she'll mind donating it to a good cause."

She winked at Sam, who nodded back.

"Here," Ida pressed the little album into Kitty's hands. "Memories are a fickle thing, but photos are forever."

"I can't take these!" Kitty insisted, pushing the album back. "They're your memories too!"

"Oh my god you're both so old." Sam laughed, "Dad has a printer/scanner. I can make copies."

As Sam took the polaroids to her dad's office, Ida and Kitty pored over the rest of the album, Kitty picking out more photos to copy. She chose a few of Ida and Sam, and even one of Carrie.

"She was a total loser and I hated her but I don't hate remembering her, you know? I want to remember everything, even the bad stuff."

She took a photo of her parents, just one.

When Sam came back with the last batch of photos, Ida finished slipping them into the little album.

"There's still a few sleeves left." Sam pointed out, holding up her phone with a smile. "We've got room for a couple of family reunion pics."

The two girls squished up against Ida as Sam snapped as many shots as she could. Ones where they smiled, ones where they laughed, ones where they laid haphazardly across the lounge together.

Then Sam took a few candids of just Kitty and Ida, as they looked through the new album they'd just made together. Capturing Kitty laughing at something as Ida looked at her with a soft, loving smile.

Kitty clutched the album to her chest as she gave Ida a long, drawn out hug.

"Thank you so much." she said, her voice thick with gratitude. "It's like I can see my life in colour again."

She left the house with the assurance that she would always be welcome back, at any time, and a promise that she would always be looking out for her 'new favourite cousin'.

Sam flicked through the photos she took on her phone, she would have to make sure to have copies printed by the time Kitty returned to visit.

She knew Kitty coming over regularly was going to make things complicated, her apparent newfound protectiveness over Sam could potentially backfire in many spectacular ways, she was petty and troublesome when in the right mood.

But then again, so was Ida, and so was Sam.

At least she had better things to do now than beat up strangers' mail boxes, Danny was certainly going to be glad to hear that.

#lula's fanfics #danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #kitty #sam manson #ida manson

[messers-moony]

Stella | R.L

Paring: Remus Lupin X Wife!Reader

Summary: Stella brings light to many situations to the people she is surrounded with.

The little girl on her lap gasped and rushed to the door as it opened, “Daddy!”

Y/n jumped up from her place on the couch, grabbing her four-year-old daughter, “Hey, not yet. Daddy’s hurting, okay?”

“It’s fine, Y/n.” Remus grunted at Sirius, and James helped him inside, “You sure?” Y/n questioned.

He nodded, and Y/n let her daughter go, running straight first to hug her father, “You’re home!”

“I am home, baby girl.”

Y/n exchanged looks with James and Sirius, “He’ll be okay. Not the worst night we’ve had.”

“Thank you both. Do you want anything?”

“We’re okay.”

James huffed, “I have to get back to Lily and Harry. I'll make sure we stop by soon, okay?”

“Of course.” Y/n smiled as James apparated out, “Siri? How about you?”

“Mind if I crash, sis?” Sirius asked sheepishly, “Never.” Y/n smiled.

Stella let go of her father and then turning to her uncle, “Uncle Siri!”

“Hey, little girl!” Sirius smiled, pulling her into his arms as Y/n dragged Remus to the couch.

Remus had his back to their brown fabric couch. He was grunting and groaning upon impact. Y/n rushed for her wand that remained in the kitchen and taking off her husband's shirt—occasionally moving his hair out of his face and holding his hand. Sirius had thankfully occupied Stella for the time being.

“How was it?” Y/n asked as she whispered incantations on the scratches along his body, “Could’ve been worse.” Remus replied.

Y/n deadpanned, “Seriously though, how was it?”

“Awful, dreadful, painful? Is that what you’d like to hear?”

“I’d like to hear the honest answer, so, yes.”

After a couple of minutes, Sirius had taken Stella upstairs to the guest bedroom - Sirius’ bedroom - to keep her diligent instead of seeing her father bloodied up on their couch. It broke Y/n’s heart to see him in pain like this; nonetheless, their own daughter who seemed to be having the same issue.

After he was finally done, Y/n lifted his head to sit on the couch, his head on her thighs, “How- How was Stella?”

“She was very achy tonight.” Y/n answered, “Headaches, body pain, very fussy. More so than usual.”

“Great.” Remus chuckled bitterly, “Now you have two of us to take care of.”

Y/n cupped his cheek, “Hey, don’t ever think about it that way. You’re my family, and I love taking care of you both. We knew that having children this was possible. Now let’s do the thing your father couldn’t. Let’s love Stella regardless.”

“Let’s show her that who she is isn’t a monster. Let’s be those parents that give her love unconditionally. I know - and it pains me to say this - that you didn’t have that growing up, especially with your father, so please, let’s love Stella.”

Remus nodded, “I’d never leave you guys.”

“Stella will need you - you more than anyone.” Y/n added, “You need to be here, for both of us.”

“Of course, I’d never leave you or my baby girl.”

Y/n smiled softly. Thankful to hear those words. It would be so easy for him to walk away right now. But he wouldn’t, and those words meant absolutely everything to her. Stella only had her parents and Sirius.

Along with her fake uncle James and aunt Lily. But since Lyall - Remus’ father - didn’t like associating with his son due to his condition. And poor Hope, who didn’t know what was going on. They had never met their grandchild.

They met their daughter-in-law once. Hope was such a doll and so sweet. Lyall was a disaster. From the moment they stepped into the house, he was arguing with Remus about something. Both men were so stubborn, so hot-headed. It was nearly impossible to get them to agree on something. But when Lyall finally gave in and called Remus a disgrace, Y/n pulled him out of the house as fast as she could.

Y/n had been called those words, those words and much worse. So had Sirius, for that matter. It meant something entirely different to see it from the outside rather than being the person getting insulted. Y/n saw the way Remus’ fists bunched together and how his jaw clenched. Something terrible was going to happen if Y/n hadn’t taken him out of that situation.

“I love you, Moony.”

Remus smiled drowsily, “I love you too, Mrs.Moony.”

He had fallen asleep on her lap, and Y/n stayed awake just in case he needed anything. After an hour, she heard footsteps on the stairs. It was Sirius, her twin brother, coming down, and he sat on the armchair beside them.

“Wheres Stella?”

“Asleep. Tickled her right to bed.” Sirius answered, “More inconveniently on my bed.” He added.

Y/n snickered, “You can sleep in our bed if you’d like. I don’t think he’ll be moving very soon.”

“No thanks.” Sirius grimaced, “Don’t wanna know what his hormones are like during his furry time.”

At that, she broke into a full laugh, “It’s times like these where I feel like we’re still teens at Hogwarts.”

“Me too, sis.”

It was silent for a while. The only thing being echoed was the cracking from the fireplace—some of Remus’ snores being added into the mixture of sounds. Sirius stared solemnly at the red flames inside the brick canister.

“Do you- Do you miss him?”

“Everyday.” Y/n replied, “Every single day, I wake up and pray that he’ll owl me.”

Sirius sighed, “I feel like I’ve had no time to grieve.”

“Why?”

“I might be doing it on purpose, I dunno.” Sirius responded, “I consume all my time with Stella or Harry, so I don’t have to think about him. But I still do anyway.”

It was quiet for a minute before he spoke up again, “Stella- She- Um- She looks like him.”

“Does she?”

“She does. She really does, and it freaks me out sometimes.” He confessed, “Stella is a female Regulus except with Remus’ hair.”

“It’s scary.”

Y/n chuckled, “I think she’s beautiful.”

“I think maybe that’s why I spend so much time with her.”

“What?”

“She makes me think I’m spending time with Regulus. She looks so much like him that my brain tricks me into thinking she’s him. Like- Like she’s all I have left of him.”

“Sirius, Stella isn’t Regulus.” Y/n admitted, and tears filled Sirius’ eyes, “I know- it’s just- I wish I had more time with him.”

“I know.”

“Sirius, get some sleep, please.” Y/n stated as his eyes began to fall.

Sirius smiled sweetly at her, “Love you, sis.”

“I love you too, Siri.”

Sirius fell asleep on the armchair. Remus asleep on her thighs. Y/n’s hand ran through Remus’ hair while he slept. Light snores echoed throughout the room from Sirius and Remus. The fire crackled in the fireplace, and she felt at peace, despite everything that has happened. Y/n felt so at ease.

#remus x y/n #remus x you #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader smut #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin smut #remus lupin fluff #remus fluff #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #marauders era #marauders x reader #marauders smut #marauders imagine #marauders fluff #marauders #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x reader #sirius imagine #sirius orion black #sirius x reader #sirius black x reader smut #sirius black smut #sirius black imagine #sirius black

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

#eren yeager x reader #bully eren yeager #toxic eren #eren yeager x you #yandere eren x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren x fem!reader #eren yeager x reader fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #dubcon tw #tw noncon #tw abuse #tw drinking #tw drunk driving #eren yeager fanfiction #dark content #dark fic #tw trauma #tw depr