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escapismqueen · 1 year

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Chenford + miscommunication/angst speculation for the next ep?

Hi, thank you so much for your request, I hope this is okay ❤️I’ve had a few requests for a 5x19 spec fic so hopefully you all like it 🥰

A Chenford speculation fic- 5x19- ‘I don’t know’

Incl: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, mostly angst though.

Warnings: allusions/ representation of a panic attack, mentions of needles and drugs.

The words had been ringing in Tim and Lucys ears since they were first uttered that Morning. “Guess we’ll have to get used to seeing less of each other”. He’d been regretting saying anything about it the moment he opened his mouth; he meant it light heartedly when he said it, but Lucy’s sudden drop in expression and worry glazed eyes hammered home the reality- they would be seeing each other less.

So far, their relationship hasn’t experienced any significant bumps or obstacles, they’ve been ridiculously happy in their new relationship bliss, and nothing as of yet had gotten in the way of that. Until now; and it had sent them both in a spiral.

Tim opened the door to Lucy’s apartment with haste. It’s been a rough day at work for him today; the sounds of their morning conversation reverberating in his mind, not helped by the fact he hasn’t seen her since. The fact that they’d be seeing each other less was of course stirring an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, but the nausea- that came from Lucy’s mention of ‘narcotics’. He hated that word; hated everything about it. Narcotics reminded him of everything that pulled his life apart; his dad and Isobel being the forefront. But when it came to work and narcotics; it came in thunderous force to Isobel.

He’d been feeling his chest tighten all day, his heart clenching so hard that he started to worry about his health- an area in which he knew from a recent checkup was all good. So what the hell was the feeling ? As he pushed the door open, a thick, stuffy warmth took over his skin- it reminded him of the night Isobel left him. That feeling- it was coming back. His chest got tighter, his vision blurring from not only a wall of tears but from a dizziness that was now whirring around his system at an alarming rate. But then he registered Lucy. The sweet melodic sound of her voice, the smell of her coconut shampoo, and her mango scented perfume delightfully greeting him as he stepped into the room.

“Tim?” The sound of her voice snapped him out of his fog, his heartbeat steadying the second he looked at her. The blurriness slowly disappearing from his vision, allowing him to see the beauty that is his girlfriend. “Hey, you okay?” Lucys brows furrow in concern, her hands following suit and cupping his cheeks in a reassuring hold. “I’m fine. But are you ? You look a little shaken.” Tim ponders for a moment on wether he should open up to her about this. They spoke about it briefly this morning, but it ended with Tim reassuring her that ‘it’ll be okay’ how was he supposed to tell her later that same day that he wasn’t?

It’s not that he didn’t want Lucy to work in the narcotics division or go undercover- he knows she’d be great at it. But he couldn’t help but have deja vu by the mere suggestion of it. This is how it started with Isobel. The excitement about the opportunity, the anxiety over the test, the smile she had when she talked about anything ‘UC’ related. But then it was late nights, weeks or months without talking that turned into no talking or coming home at all. She left him. She got hooked on the things she was so passionate to get rid of, and got rid of him instead; the one thing she swore she’d always be passionate about. But he couldn’t dangle this insecurity in front of Lucy could he ? She deserves to make the decision herself and not sacrifice anything in hopes that it’ll make him feel better. No. He’s not saying anything.

“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just been a long day and I have a bit of a headache that’s all.” The lie flew off his tongue like an eagle chasing its prey; smooth and sharp with no hesitation. He felt guilty as soon as he spoke, but he knew he had to do it for her sake. Tim Bradford is a lot of things, but selfish isn’t one of them. Tim sighs in relief at her nodding head, glad she didn’t question him further; he could struggle through a lie to her once, but twice ? Not happening. “Okay babe, as long as you’re sure. Go lie down, I’ll bring you some Advil.” And with a quick loving kiss to his warm lips, she darted into the kitchen and left Tim’s Heart aching even more- he can not lose her.

Later in the evening, Tim and Lucy snuggled up closely to each other, legs tangling perfectly into each others. They’d both been asleep for a few hours, happy to nod off in the others arms whilst they still could. Tim’s arms were placed protectively around Lucy’s waist, his face nestled sweetly in her neck; it was their usual sleeping state, one that Lucy liked to playfully tease him for, stating that he ‘couldn’t bear’ to be without her even in his dreams. But the more he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck, the more she knew that she never wanted to sleep another way again. The scruff on his chin would always tickle her and sometimes wake her up, and she often gets very hot from his own body heat being so close to hers, but the first day she had to sleep without him, she’d never been so unsatisfied with such fresh, cold sheets and an unbothered night of rest.

As per usual, Lucy woke in the middle of the night, her body anticipating the scratch of Tim’s beard scruff. But as she turns to her side to give him an affectionate kiss on the cheek, she notices his eyebrows scrunched together, and a thin layer of sweat coating his skin. “Tim?” She reaches her arm out delicately over to him, not wanting to startle him, but hoping that he’ll wake up. Her voice wobbles as she says his name again, her worry this time heightened by the small whimper that escapes his throat- he’s having a nightmare.

The images flash overwhelmingly quick in Tim’s head. The empty house he came home to when Isobel left him, the needles he found stashed away under their bed, her sunken eyes and her frail body laying in the dumpster, blood exiting her and paling her more. Then her face changed and the images got clearer, the words got louder ‘your wife has been arrested’ ‘your wife is in the hospital’ ‘your wife has overdosed’. Everything awful he’d ever heard about her was now repeating cruelly in his slumber, but her face was no longer a part of the images; now it was Lucy’s.

The images piled on top of each other like wooden blocks, each one making the tower weaker and more likely to fall. Tim’s chest began to feel tight again, his breathing now altered and shaky. He heard Lucy’s voice call him over and over again, begging, pleading, but he couldn’t get out. He was trapped there, trapped in the depiction of her close to death or abandoning him at their home. He heard her screams, he saw her being shot, he saw her placing needles in her veins with a far away look in her eyes. Why couldn’t he stop her ? “Lucy !” “Lucy, stop, Lucy !!” His chest was heaving, his hands were clenching, and all he could feel was a fire-like heat rushing through his body, but he was unable to scream.

Lucy looks at Tim in the bed with tears streaming down her face. He looks so vulnerable and afraid. The sweat on his body glistened in the moonlight, but their was nothing beautiful about it. His face was reddening by the second, his breaths were quick and scattered, his body was twisting and turning in shock, and he’d shouted her name several times in desperation; this was a Tim Bradford she’d never seen before, and the sight of it broke her heart. “Tim ! Wake up! It’s okay, it’s just a dream, you’re okay, wake up, cmon”. She pleads.

At his lack of response, she reaches her arms out and shakes his shoulders fiercely, her anxiety no longer contained. “Tim, WAKE UP”. At the sound of her raised voice, Tim’s eyes shoot open, his body following within seconds. His eyes waste no time in scrambling for Lucy; was she okay ? Was she with him ?. Her hands cupping his cheeks answered his question, and within a second, he was wrapped tightly in his girlfriends embrace. He freezes for a moment, slowly readjusting back to reality and telling himself that everything was okay. He looks at her with desperation I’m his eyes and falls into her completely, a sob racking his chest at the first touch from her. “Lucy, don’t leave. Please don’t leave me. You have to stay, please. I cant’t handle losing you. I know I’ve handled losing people before, but it’s never been you and now it is. You can’t leave. Please.”

Her head shoots up from Tim’s shoulder in shock, his words sinking her heart to her stomach. He’d just had a panic attack in his sleep and now she knew what it was about- her. She hadn’t realised until this moment just how much their conversation from the morning had worried him. He reassured her, because she was the worried one, but now he was collapsed in her arms, sobs eliciting from his throat, voice begging her not to leave him. What the hell happened ?

“What ? Tim, I’m not going to leave you. Why would you think that ? I’d never leave you, I love you.” An uncomfortable silence hovered in the air, the only sounds heard being Tim’s laboured breathing and the sound of Lucy’s hands caressing up and down his back. Before she could open her mouth to speak, Tim lifts his head and looks her deeply in the eyes, his tears resurfacing. He takes a deep breath to steady himself, and says the words that have been circling his mind the whole day “She loved me too.”

The words cut through Lucy like a knife, not having to ask to know who ‘she’ was. In this moment, she hated herself for wanting to go UC. The sight of her boyfriend vulnerable and broken; driven to nightmares because of his past, worrying that the same will also happen in his future- it was one hard pill to swallow.

“I’m sorry”

Lucy looks at him with an empathetic gaze, her eyelids blinking slowly, her arms wrapping sturdily around Tim’s chest. “Tim, you don’t have to be sorry. Your feelings are valid. I’m sorry that this is causing you so much pain. And I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier.” She mentally curses herself for missing the signs.

Tim leans his head forward and brushes his nose lightly against Lucy’s, glad that his breathing has now calmed and he can hold on to her a little tighter. “Luce. Whatever you do, please don’t make your decision based upon what just happened. Please. I know you’ll want to, to protect me, but as a person who loves you, I can’t- I can’t be the reason that you don’t pursue something that you want to.”

An eerie silence floods the air, the possibilities of what come next knocking rapidly at their chests. “Tim?” Lucy questions, her mind already running a mile a minute. “Yeah?”

“What’re we gonna do ?” The distress in her voice pushes Tim to place his hands at her waist and under her shirt, his fingers settling comfortably on her bare skin. He looks at her for a moment and sends her a weak smile, both of them knowing that this will not be a simple situation to figure out. He lies down back onto his pillow, pulling her gently towards him, his head finding it’s home back into her neck, nose inhaling her mango scented aroma.

As their hands intertwine, they both try to think of an answer, The strengthening of their interlaced hands giving away what their voices aren’t yet willing to say.

“I don’t know sweetheart, I really don’t know.”

#chenford #therookie #therookiechenford #timbradford #lucychen #tim x lucy #the rookie fanfic #chenford fanfiction #chenford fanfic #speculation fic #the rookie speculation

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dayas · 2 years

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all we know is don’t let go

they’re back in the outer banks, and it should be easier. it isn’t.

or, alternatively, jj and kie dance around their feelings until they can’t anymore.

out on ao3 !

#jiara #jiara fic #jiara spec fic #obx spec fic #speculation fic #jj maybank x kiara carrera #jj x kie #jj x kiara #jj and kiara #surprise motherfuckers 🤡#i’m surprised too this was not planned 🥲🤭#obx #anyways enjoy!#blame the gc

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fandom-means-family · 1 year

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash Characters: Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley, Maddie Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Ravi Panikkar, Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Additional Tags: Speculation, Angst, Feelings Realization, POV Outsider, Worried Bobby Nash, POV Bobby Nash, Near Death Experiences, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Coma, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Worried Eddie Diaz, Competent Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Medic Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Hospitals Summary:

The world explodes in a blinding flash of white that swallows Buck whole. Like a gunshot, the noise echoes in Bobby's ears; the earth seems to shake. For a second he can't see, just blinks helplessly against the rain and the flickering lights dancing before his eyes. Suddenly, he hears his father's voice. Lightning never strikes in the same place twice. Except when it does.

- season 6B speculation fic, based on the promo

#buck eddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 on fox #shameless self promotion #speculation fic

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jellybeanium124 · 2 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves Characters: Klaus Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves, The Girl on a Bike Additional Tags: Siblings, Character Death, Death, (it doesn't stick tho lol), Speculation, spec fic Summary:

Klaus runs after Luther, hoping to help him deal with returning to the mortal plane. Unfortunately, the universe seems to have other plans for Klaus, and keeps trying to kill him.

The Girl on a Bike isn’t taking any of Reggie’s nonsense

#tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #luther hargreeves #tua fanfic #tua fanfiction #umbrella academy fanfic #umbrella academy fanfiction #tua s3 spoilers #speculation fic #spec fic #tua speculation #tua spec fic

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aeligsido · 1 year

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Margaret Buckley/Phillip Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Margaret Buckley & Phillip Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents & Maddie Buckley, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Maddie Buckley & Athena Grant, Maddie Buckley & Bobby Nash Characters: Margaret Buckley, Phillip Buckley, Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley, Bobby Nash, Athena Grant, Howie "Chimney" Han Additional Tags: Firehouse 118 Crew as Family (9-1-1 TV), Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Maddie Buckley's Parents, POV Outsider, Emotional Hurt, Realization, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hospitals Summary:

"They've been gone for fifteen minutes at most.

Every hospital looks the same, she notices, in between her son's room and the coffee machine they stopped at for a few minutes.

Philip stops, his arm still around her shoulders, and gasps softly. They're in front of Evan's room; she looses her grasp on her cup of coffee, but her eyes are on the scene behind the glass and not on the growing stain on the floor."

OR: Buck is a coma, his parents are in town, and Margaret Buckley comes to a few realizations.

#fic #my fic #writing #my writing #911 #911 spoilers #speculation fic #kind of #evan buckley #maddie buckley #bobby nash #athena grant #bathena #margaret buckley #phillip buckley #i forgot to share it here LMAO

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flyingseacow · 4 months

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Ok ok ok.

Finished Cult of the Lamb (right in time for the next update)

And now I got all these thoughts.

Like the bishops?

People are already doing so much interesting stuff with Narinder, so I got nothing new there. But the others?

Leshy is interestingly enough the most elaborate and thoughtful of them, the snippet about his crown was almost poetic.

Kallarmar however, he really surprised me. Based on his previous behavior, and what the others said (including ???) I had expected a frightened sniveling crybaby, not this calm sassy thing. Not only does he seems to be the most accepting of their new life, he is super calm and friendly with the lamb.

Then I realized.... Oh. Kallarmar has already gone through his worst nightmare. He has already died, multiple times. And since the lamb has done no new harm to him, he has no real reason to fear as long as he is a good little follower. (helps that he got the absolute cutest voice) Oh yeah, and the fact that not only does he claim he was pressured into helping with binding Narinder, but also that his relic summons a skeleton - one that seems very clearly to be based on Narinder?? I have thoughts.

And Heket? Heket seems angry, but reluctingly accepting of her new life. And I realized, after what happened with Shamura, Heket was the one keeping the bishops together. For a thousand years, she was the only real thing holding up the old faith. Shamura too wounded to handle it. Leshy too young and well, chaotic. Kallarmar just wanting to hide away in his temple. She must have been under so much pressure. And she is the next youngest in the group!

Shamura is just such a tragic character. I had expected them to be more damaged without their crown, but seeing how disoriented and stuck in memories and half addled thought they are? Damn.

When I gave them the spider silk their reaction was a gut punch. I had this clear mental image of them running the silk though their fingers, mumbling to themselves, barely aware of the lamb.

Ugh, I really hope Sins of the flesh gives more lore. I got all these feels.

#cult of the lamb #fan speculation #I am gonna end up expressing all this in fics #I just have no overall idea #just all these snippets of scenes and feelings

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quotergirl19 · 2 months

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Colin: You seemed to enjoy your dance with Lord Debling.

Penelope: I did. He’s the first gentleman who has ever wanted to dance with me.

Colin: That is untrue. You and I have danced many times.

Penelope: Lord Debling actually wanted to dance with me. He made me feel like I was special to him and said I was lovely. You only ask me to dance out of pity. You do not count.

#Quotergirl mini fic #Hit him with the you do not count Pen!!!#polin #bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 speculation #netflix bridgerton #colin x penelope #penelope x colin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton

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chronurgy · 6 months

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Gortash designs and builds mechanisms so I imagine he has to be able to sketch fairly decently in order to sketch his projects and designs. And I'm imagining a pile of charcoal sketches of Durge, done over their entire acquaintance, starting out with sketches of them in battle and then slowly becoming more detailed and intimate and as they do, the titles changing from things like "The Bhaalspawn" and "Bhaal's Chosen at Their Bloody Work" to "The Chosen in Contemplation" and finally just Durge's name

#it's speculated that the individual pictured in these sketches is [name] who was thought to have resolved the absolute crisis #But the existence these drawings may suggest it was merely a hoax to improve their reputation #Idk man I just love the idea of Gortash keeping this series of sketches of durge #I admit a crazy fic idea I've been rotating is the idea of an art history commentary set 100 years after the events of the game covering #The art found in Gortash's estate after his death and how people would interpret it and their potential relationship #And link to first hand descriptions of the time and academic papers and all that #Stuff like “see Elerrathin et al for analysis on the class dynamics of formal portraits and new money during this period” or something #enver gortash #dark urge #dark urge x gortash #durgetash #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers

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romainlettusdinnerparty · 1 month

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HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO BIRTHDAY GATE CODED

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kittybricks · 10 months

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Do You Love the Colour of the Sky? (Or: This Must be the Place)

(I apologize for the resolution in advance. Still troubleshooting.)

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watchyourbuck · 19 days

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do you mind? im pining

Eddie lifted his glass, bringing it to his lips, but just as he was about to take a sip, his gaze shifted, and he saw Tommy reach for Buck’s hand, their fingers intertwining. Water sprayed from Eddie’s nose and down his chin as a violent cough erupted from his throat.

He slammed his glass onto the table, sitting upright as he coughed into his hand. His eyes watered, but he couldn’t tear them away from the scene before him.

He hadn’t imagined it.

They were holding hands.

OR: 7x05 spec fic. Buck and Tommy have their first date. Eddie is jealous about it. (Includes Buck and Tommy making out at the loft + Eddie dealing with complicated feelings towards his best friend).

Read on ao3

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loserdiaz · 22 days

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hi so i watched this sneak peek and then i blinked and next thing i know ive written this thing.... i might use it for a s7 fic or i might not. so.... yeah, enjoy ig.

"You've been acting weird all week, Buck. What is it? Talk to me."

"It's like that thing when you meet somebody and you just click." Buck repeats the words that have been haunting him for weeks. He lets the bitterness and fear that have been choking him, suffocating him, slip off his lips.

He is not fine. It's the thing.

He could usually go over to Eddie’s house and let himself in whenever he wanted. He could— spend all of his free time with the guy and with Chris and feel like he's at home.

And sometimes they still do that.

Except Tommy is there most of the time, too. If it's not a night at the bar after a long shift where they want to unwind and Tommy just enters, confident and smiley and so unbothered by anything, it's Tommy inviting them to a fight or a game or whatever.

And Buck likes the guy. Hell, he has fucked the guy himself.

It's just—

He misses Eddie. He misses Eddie when he is right there in front of him, and it hurts. It hurts in a way Buck hasn't felt in a long time.

"Buck, what the hell are you talking about?" A slight crease forms in between Eddie's brows. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's what you told me, when we were talking about Tommy."

"So? Now I can't have any more friends?" Eddie raises his eyebrows, and Buck knows he's sounding... insane, needy, clingy. All of the above whatever.

"You can. I just—" Buck lets out a slow breath. "I hate change, okay? And I hate—"

"Nothing has changed."

"Eddie, everything has changed." Buck lets out a startled, sharp and bitter laugh. It sounds hollow and wrong, even to his own ears.

It stings. Like taking a sip of tea so hot it burns the roof of your mouth or like digging your finger against a tender bruise that hasn't quite healed yet.

"Everything has changed," Buck whispers, looking helplessly into Eddie’s eyes. Because unlike before, now he knows that the jealousy he feels, the unreasonable possessiveness he feels... it's because he is in love.

He is in love with Eddie Diaz.

#april rambles #april writes #911 spoilers #911 speculation ig???#911 season 7 #911 s7 #911 s7 spoilers #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #buck x eddie #buddie fic #buddie ficlet #911 drabble #911 abc #911 on abc

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tommykinard6 · 7 days

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Should I be eating and resting? Yes. Am I? No, so come join me for a dissertation on Tommy Kinard being lonely.

Edit to add a note since I saw a reblog about it: Tommy has no canonical age right now and Lou is 39, 40 later this year, so that is my basis for saying he’s 39.

Now when I say lonely, I don’t mean that he has no one whatsoever. I can picture him going for drinks with his team or having some Muay Thai buddies that he could call up if he really was inclined. Maybe an old army buddy or two.

But there’s something about Tommy that’s just achingly lonely, both when he was at the 118 and now at Harbor.

Tommy had a broken home, or some other kind of unstable childhood. Maybe his parents split, maybe he was mistreated, maybe he was in the system or was passed around family members. Maybe he was isolated as a child because he was a little overweight (I think Lou said something along those lines) and was bullied. I think Tommy didn’t really have any friends until high school, when puberty hit and maybe he started working out and probably joined the football team. I don’t know if anyone remembers what teenage boys are like, but I can imagine they were the same as they are today back in the 90s/early 00’s. Because around this time, Tommy might’ve started to realize that something was very different about him.

Now this isn’t a meta about how I think Tommy dealt with his sexuality (maybe I’ll do one of those later) but I think he never would’ve risked his football friends knowing even if he himself could acknowledge it, which I doubt. So he messed around, got in trouble with these guys, hung out with the bros, and pretended to be interested in girl talk.

Of course, eventually, his buddies all got girlfriends and he was always the odd one out again.

He didn’t do college. The army was his next step. And I feel like this might have been the first time in his life he wasn’t lonely. He’d learned to blend in by this point and he worked with some great people. But as he started making real friends for the first time, he also started losing them as the war tore them away.

Tommy left the army and joined the fire department. There was an aching hole where the camaraderie of the army had filled previously and with no education beyond a high school diploma, Tommy thought the fire department would replicate that. Not the police though. He’d had enough of guns.

(And ohhhh now so many ideas on his thoughts during the sniper)

But he ended up at the 118 and quickly realized that his team had maybe more of a DADT stance than the army. He realized that he had to put on an elaborate act to fool his fellow firefighters, who had more time on their hands and more prejudice they were willing to wield to pick apart his life. Tommy, who maybe had only just started to acknowledge he felt differently about guys with less panic than before, had no choice but to backslide. He acted and acted and crafted a person he wasn’t until the day that maybe he was. Sal was his closest buddy at the 118 and Tommy had no doubt that Sal would be one of the first to make his life hell. Gerrard seemed to look at Tommy as some sort of mentee. Boxed in by two notorious bigots, Tommy had never felt more claustrophobically alone.

Chim was the first one to reach out a hand of friendship, or at least the first one that didn’t come with caution tape, but he was also an “other” and Tommy, who was confused and afraid and had just had his captain call his bluff on his fake girlfriend, lashed out. Then he allowed Chim in and Chim wasn’t interested in being besties but he was a great drinking buddy and movie buddy and Tommy felt safest around him.

Then Hen came and Tommy watched her get the same treatment he was afraid of. Not that he had to worry about the racism, and he was aware of the privilege, but Hen didn’t exactly hide herself and he watched them bully his lesbian coworker. He let himself get pulled into it all and hated himself for it, but was too cowardly to break away from it. He wasn’t sure why Hen had forgiven him, but she became the only other person on shift he felt even a little safe around other than Howie. But then Chimney and Hen became best friends and Tommy fell to the wayside. They still included him, sure, but they were always a pair and there was something there that Tommy didn’t know but longed for. A closeness he’d never felt.

A best friend. A juvenile idea to him, but one he’d never truly had.

Then Gerrard was gone and Sal got transferred and the 118 moved forward under Captain Nash, but Tommy felt left behind, even in what was the most united A shift team yet. Because he was over 30 and was starting to be unable to ignore everything that he’d had to hide under Gerrard, as he no longer had a distraction from it.

He’d been a pilot in the army, so he transferred to Harbor. And Harbor was great. He wasn’t best buds with anyone (he was starting to think that was never in the cards for him) but his team didn’t carry the same baggage that the 118 had.

So Tommy started to come to terms with himself. He started to date for the first time and came out to his team. And he had several boyfriends, but most couldn’t handle the job or his baggage or the desperate need he had to be wanted. His most long term partner cheated and the one he fell hardest for couldn’t deal when Tommy was injured on the job. Even within his own relationships, he felt like he was destined to stand alone.

Tommy was 39 years old and alone, as always, when Chimney walked back into his life, dragging an adorable and also extremely hot blonde and a stoic brunette that radiated ex military in a way only ex military could know. And then Hen was there and they were trying to rescue their captain and his wife and they clearly loved each other fiercely and like family.

And as Tommy listened, flying through the remnants of a cat 5 hurricane, he thought to himself that he should’ve never left. Simply just never found himself if only that meant being part of the family the 118 was now. However, he knew deep down that he still would’ve been alone and on the outside.

And they rescued the survivors and Tommy thought that was it but then Eddie wanted to hang out. And they liked the same things and had similar experiences and Tommy couldn’t help the hope. Because the loneliness had grown stifling and now he could breathe a little. And then Evan, the cute blonde, wanted a tour of the hanger and he thought that maybe he was being hit on.

And then at the end of it all, Tommy was left realizing that he’d wedged himself between two best friends and that was what happened when he allowed himself to hope. So he went to Evan to apologize. He would get Evan and Eddie to talk to each other and then would fade into the background.

But then Evan was sweet and apologetic and told him that he was part of the 118 family simply by helping them. Tommy couldn’t help it. Here he was, at 39, with a little boy still waiting inside of him to be soothed. And Evan was hot and sweet and Tommy couldn’t help himself.

And he really liked Evan. Evan was adorable. But their first date didn’t go as planned and Tommy knew he was already whipped. So he removed himself before someone could get hurt. Evan deserved better and so did he, even if the loneliness was stifling again.

But then Evan texted him and looked at him with sparkling blue eyes over too sweet coffee and wanted him. Him. He wanted Tommy and to have something with Tommy and he wanted him to come to his sister’s wedding with him.

And Tommy looked at him and saw someone who could finally fill the ache he’d felt his whole life. He saw a man who he knew he wanted to take a chance with. All he had to do was jump.

And he did.

And it wasn’t solved, not immediately and never fully. Too many wounds were left gaping for too long to ever heal. But for the first time in his life, at 39, with the 118 surrounding him and Buck as the sunshine at his side, Tommy finally felt at peace.

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honestlydarkprincess · 22 days

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oh, bi the way

buckley sibling feels || rated: g || wc: 663

Buck knocked on the door, his hands shaking slightly. He blew out a breath and bounced on the balls of his feet while he waited for Maddie to answer the door.

The door opened and Buck felt himself relax as his older sister came into view. “Buck? Hey, I wasn’t expecting you! Come on in.”

Buck followed behind Maddie, closing the door behind him. “I’m sorry to drop in on you without calling, I just— I needed to talk to you.”

“You don’t have to call, Buck,” Maddie said, giving him a soft look. “You know that. Our door is always open to you.”

“Thanks, Mads,” Buck mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “Uh, you might want to sit down.”

“Okay, now you’re scaring me,” Maddie said, hesitantly sitting down at the kitchen table. She gestured for Buck to sit next to her but he shook his head and stayed standing. “What’s going on, Buck?”

He swallowed roughly and let out a shaky sigh. “I need to tell you something. I— I, uh, kind of only just realized this? It’s new. Very new and I’m— I don’t— I don’t know how to say it.”

Maddie watched as he paced in front of her. “Hey, Buck, look at me. There’s nothing you can’t tell me—“

“I think I’m bisexual,” Buck blurted out, cutting her off.

It was quiet for a beat and then Maddie gave him a gentle smile, standing up and holding her arms out. “Come here.”

Buck folded himself into her arms, making himself smaller and letting out a shuddering breath.

“Thank you for telling me,” Maddie whispered, stroking her hand up his back. “I know that wasn’t easy and I’m so proud of you, Evan. I really am.”

“Thank you,” Buck mumbled, squeezing her tight. He still felt shaky, adrenaline in his veins. He’d known that Maddie would be nothing but supportive but coming out was still scary as hell and she was one of the most important people in the world to him.

“Let’s sit on the couch,” Maddie said, nudging him towards it. “You’re shaking.”

Maddie led him to the couch and they sat down, Buck leaning his head on her shoulder. Her arm came around him and her fingers settled in his hair, playing with it gently and making him relax even further. They sat like that for a while, with Maddie just calmly carding her fingers through his hair and Buck waiting for his racing heart to settle down.

“Have you told anyone else?” Maddie asked when Buck finally settled.

“No, I wanted you to be the first,” Buck admitted shyly.

Maddie squeezed him closer, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “I’m honoured.”

“Do I have to tell the others?”

“You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to,” Maddie said firmly. “If you want to tell the team, I know they’ll be more than supportive but if you aren’t ready there’s absolutely no rush, Buck. You decide when you’re ready. If at all.”

“Thanks, Mads,” Buck mumbled. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell them— or that I think they’ll be unsupportive— it’s just…it feels like a big thing and I don’t want anything to change. I hate change.”

“I know you do, but just remember you don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for, okay?” She moved so Buck had to look her in the eyes. “This is something that you control. When and if you’re ready, the team will be there to support you. They’re our family. Everything will be okay.” “Will you be there?” Buck asked, looking at her with wide eyes. “When I tell them?”

“If you want me to, I’ll be there in a heartbeat,” Maddie squeezed his hand, giving him a bright smile. “You can count on me.”

“I know,” Buck smiled. He held his hand out for her to lock her pinky with his. “I always can.”

read on ao3

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