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queenshelby · 8 months

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Forbidden Desire (Part Eleven)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader (Female/Incestuous)

Warnings: Incest (at this stage accidental), Age Gap, PTSD, Domestic Abuse, Self-Harm, Fluff, Smut

After the earth-shattering revelation that Thomas Shelby was your long-lost uncle, your world was turned upside down. The truth weighed heavily upon your shoulders, casting a dark cloud of desire and forbidden love that enveloped your every thought.

Yearning for a real father figure and a sense of belonging, you found solace in Arthur's attempts to embrace you as his own. Yet, deep within, a whirlwind of conflicting emotions tugged at your heart. The news of Arthur being your father was a bitter pill to swallow, especially as you had already fallen under the spell of Thomas. Despite the twisted nature of your newfound familial ties, an undeniable thrill coursed through your veins at the mere thought of him.

Polly, ever perceptive, was aware of your forbidden desires. In due course, she orchestrated your induction into the Shelby Family, much to your mother's displeasure. In the midst of a family gathering, you were welcomed as an equal, officially cementing your place within the Shelby clan.

Within weeks, Polly took you under her wing, unveiling the intricacies of the Shelby name. She showed you how to navigate the treacherous waters of their empire, providing you with the tools to forge your own path. In her tutelage, you learned the art of negotiation and gained the confidence to command respect from those who once stood above you. Your transformation did not go unnoticed, as your newfound assertiveness radiated like a beacon.

Linda, resentful of Arthur for allowing your rise within the Shelby Company Limited, would often remark, "You truly are a Shelby." In the bustling office, you commanded attention with your sharp wit and no-nonsense attitude. Even the other Peaky Blinders marvelled at your ability to tackle any challenge that crossed your path. Your formidable uncle, Tommy, couldn't help but be drawn to this "new you."

"I see you've settled right in, taking charge like a true fucking Shelby," Tommy proclaimed proudly upon his return from the United States, where he had forged an alliance with Al Capone.

A mischievous twinkle danced in your eyes as you replied, "Indeed, Tommy," fully aware of the captivating presence you now possessed. Tommy's gaze lingered upon you, unable to tear himself away from the magnetic force you had become.

As such, his desire for you quickly resurfaced when he returned to the office after you had last seen him three weeks ago, and this desire was now becoming stronger with each day.

Your desire for your newfound uncle, however, had never really been extinguished even though, deep down, you knew that this forbidden infatuation could never be. The more you tried to fight it, the harder it seemed to resist.

Now that he was back in Birmingham, this was going to be problematic, and you could not help but tease him, making sure that he knew that you still did not care about the fact that he was your uncle.

Thus, one day, as you were engrossed in analysing some financial documents, you became aware of a pair of intense eyes fixed upon you. Raising your gaze, you caught Thomas giving you that infamous Shelby smirk, glimmering with a mixture of admiration and something darker.

"Enjoying the view, Tommy?" you quipped, unable to resist the temptation of toying with your uncle and letting him know that you knew he was watching you. After all, power breeds confidence, and confidence tempts fate.

Thomas leaned against the door frame, his voice dripping with the perfect blend of arrogance and desire. "The view is quite remarkable indeed, but it's not the scenery that has captured my attention, Love," he mused, and the air between you crackled with an intoxicating mix of tension and attraction.

“I didn’t think it was, uncle,” you teased and little did you realise just how deeply Tommy still desired you, his thoughts consumed by the forbidden possibilities.

***

As days turned into weeks, though, the flirtation between you and your uncle escalated. The stolen glances, lingering touches, and suggestive banter left a trail of electric anticipation in the air.

However, Tommy, consumed by his position and familial responsibilities, fought tooth and nail to keep the burgeoning attraction at bay. He knew all too well the dangers of allowing desires to steer his course, especially when they involved his own flesh and blood.

Reminding yourself of the bond you shared as a family, you tried to suppress the growing feelings within you as well. This was a line that should never be crossed again, no matter how tempting it may be.

One evening, though, as the sun dipped below the Birmingham skyline, you found yourself alone with your uncle in his dimly lit office. The cogs of desire turned ceaselessly in both of your minds, threatening to break free from their self-imposed restraints.

"You know damn well what you're doing to me, don't you Love?" Tommy whispered his voice a low growl that sent shivers down your spine.

“I do, Thomas and I am enjoying it. You were the first man I have ever slept with, and I most certainly don’t have any regrets, even after finding out that we are related,” you smirked before a moment of tense silence hung heavy in the air like a thick fog, the unspoken truth lingering between you. The forbidden fruit was tantalisingly close, the taste both bitter and alluring.

“But, I respect your decision. I know how important the elections are for the company, and I also know how important you are to this family of which I am now part. So, I won’t stand in your way,” you reassured your uncle, your voice filled with a mixture of admiration and apprehension. The weight of the upcoming elections for the company and the significance of your role as a member of this esteemed family was not lost on you. You knew that your uncle's leadership was crucial, and you didn't want to impede his progress.

As he stepped closer, his presence enveloped you, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. It sent shivers down your spine, igniting a desire that surged through your veins. The intensity of your emotions was almost overwhelming, but you managed to maintain your composure.

His response was immediate, his voice dripping with an intoxicating blend of passion and confidence. "You could never stand in my way, Love," Tommy declared, his gaze locked with yours. It was as if time stood still at that moment, and you couldn't help but feel a wave of vulnerability wash over you.

A shy smile played on your lips as you absorbed his words. "No?" you whispered, your voice barely audible. Tommy's hand gently caressed your face, his touch both tender and possessive.

"No, never," he assured you, his smile radiant as he pulled away slightly. He seemed to savour the tension between you, revelling in the unspoken connection that bound you together. "I have a gift for you," he revealed, his voice filled with anticipation.

With a delicate flourish, he presented you with a beautifully wrapped parcel. The vibrant green satin dress nestled within shimmered in the soft glow of the room. Its luxurious fabric seemed to come alive, whispering promises of elegance and allure. It was a testament to the exquisite taste and attention to detail that Tommy possessed.

You couldn't help but be captivated by the dress, its beauty mirroring the complexity of your emotions. It symbolised the delicate balance between duty and desire, representing the choices you were faced with in this intricate dance of power and love.

"Before I knew that you were my niece, I had something special planned for your birthday. This no longer seems appropriate now as it involved a date at the pictures and several hours of fucking. But I wanted you to have this dress anyway, as it was custom-made for you. It should fit you perfectly, and perhaps you could wear it at your birthday party next week,” Tommy exclaimed, hearted.

The beauty of the dress filled you with conflicted emotions - gratitude, desire, and a tinge of sadness. You couldn't ignore the fact that Thomas had desired you before discovering your blood connection. It was a bittersweet gift, a reminder of the love that could never be.

***

The day of your birthday had finally arrived, and Polly spared no expense in hosting a lavish celebration for their newest member. Arrow House was adorned with twinkling lights and fragrant roses, the grandeur of the occasion evident in every glittering detail.

As you walked down the sweeping staircase adorned in the green satin dress gifted to you by your own uncle, the room fell silent. All eyes were on you, the long-lost daughter of Arthur Shelby, now officially welcomed into the Shelby Family.

The dress clung to your curves, accentuating every tantalising inch of you. Thomas, unable to resist the sight before him, felt his desire for you intensify with each step you took. It was as if the very air around him crackled with a forbidden energy.

He couldn't tear his gaze away, mesmerised by your beauty. He cursed himself for the wicked thoughts that danced through his mind, yearning to touch and taste what he knew he could never have again.

The music swirled through the room, a melody of voices and laughter, yet all Thomas could hear was the pounding of his own heart, a wild beat that threatened to expose his desires to the world.

In a quiet corner of Arrow House, beneath a veil of shadows, you mustered the courage to approach Tommy to thank him for his generous gift. The ache within you had become unbearable, the desire to kiss him consuming your every thought.

“Thank you for the dress,” you told him almost shyly as his penetrating gaze met yours, and you could see the struggle in his eyes.

“You are welcome, Love,” Tommy responded as he looked at you, desire mixed with guilt, creating a tempestuous storm within his troubled soul.

"You look stunning in it, just as I had anticipated,” he whispered, his voice tinged with need. It was a dangerous game he was playing, his words a tantalising invitation into the forbidden depths of his desires.

Lizzie Stark, who had harboured affection for Thomas for years and who was carrying his child, watched your interaction with a mix of envy and resentment. The rivalry between you and Lizzie had always existed, but now it had become intertwined with the complex tapestry of desire and blood that bound Thomas to you.

She knew about past intimacy between you and Tommy and thought that all of this was in the past now that you were part of the family.

“Lizzie is clearly still worried about you and me,” you smirked, causing Tommy to chuckle as you both noticed her eyes on you.

“Well, Lizzie has always had a dislike for women I am associating myself with, and you are clearly no exception,” Tommy acknowledged, causing you to laugh.

“But you are not associating yourself with me anymore. She, of all persons, should know that now that she reminds me of our family bond every day, referring to you as my fucking uncle,” you said with some annoyance in your voice, causing Tommy to chuckle.

“Does she now?” Tommy chuckled, causing you to nod.

“Yes, Uncle Tommy. She does. And perhaps you should have a word with her about it and tell her to stop being so pitiful,” you told Tommy before you beckoned him with a mischievous smile.

“Now come, I need to show you something,” you then told your uncle before leading him upstairs to one of the guestrooms in Arrow House, and as Tommy followed you silently, desire burned hot between you, pulsating with a fierce urgency.

“Show me what, Love?” Tommy ought to enquire as, confidently, you pulled him into the empty room before, in the dimly lit corner, you pressed your lips against his with a passionate fervour, your hands exploring his body with a mixture of longing and desperation.

It was a kiss laden with desperation, a passionate struggle against the convictions that threatened to tear you apart. For a fleeting moment, nothing else mattered, and the world outside that room ceased to exist.

But just as quickly as it had begun, Thomas pulled away, his face a maelstrom of regret and self-reproach. "No," he said, his voice ragged and filled with torment.

His grip on your shoulders tightened as he tried to find the words. "Y/N, I am your fucking uncle,” he said, his voice thick with anguish. It was a reminder that echoed through your mind, a harsh reality that threatened to shatter the fragile illusion of forbidden love.

“Yes, I know, but it is also my birthday, and I am already drunk on the champagne,” you told him, realising once again how much you still loved him as, in your eyes, disappointment mingled with frustration.

Thomas looked torn, his resolve waning under the weight of his desires. But his sense of duty fought fiercely against the raw passion that had entwined your souls. It was a battle for his moral compass, and he knew it would forever change the dynamic of the family if he surrendered to temptation.

"I can't Love. It's not just about us. It's about my fucking reputation, the elections, and everything that holds our family together, and you fucking know that, don’t you, eh" he repeated again, using the same words that he used on you two weeks ago. His voice was heavy with self-restraint. His eyes bore into yours, an unspoken promise of love and longing, even as he denied himself the pleasure of surrendering.

The corner was filled with unspoken words, thick with regret and longing. The world faded away, leaving only the two of you caught in a web of desire and familial ties. The room buzzed with excitement, oblivious to the intricate dance of passion being performed in that secluded space.

Frustration coiled within you, growing with each passing second. The truth of your blood connection was like a spectre haunting your every thought. The intensity and complexity of your feelings made it difficult to see beyond the throbbing ache in your heart.

Thomas abruptly stepped back, creating distance between you as he battled conflicting emotions. He turned away, his jaw clenching with determination. "I'm sorry. I should've never allowed it to go this far," he said, his voice heavy with self-loathing, not even realising that you both were being watched.

Without another word, Thomas walked away, leaving you standing there, trembling with a potent mix of desire, frustration, and heartbreak. He walked toward the door, his footsteps weighted with regret.

As he turned the doorknob, you couldn't hold back the desperation in your voice. "Thomas, please... don't leave me here. Not like this, on my fucking birthday,” you begged, and Thomas froze at the threshold, his resolve wavering for a precious moment. His eyes were lost in a tempest of conflicting emotions. But then, with a final sigh, he stepped out into the dimly lit hallway, leaving you alone in the room, your heart shattered.

Tears streamed down your face as you collapsed onto the bed, the weight of the forbidden desire crushing you. You wondered if you could ever find a way to navigate this treacherous path, one that defied both morality and convention.

Unbeknownst to you, as you lay broken and defeated, Thomas stood at the end of the hallway. His fists clenched, his features twisted in anguish. The battle within him waged on, torn between the love he knew was wrong and the restraint he knew was correct.

Lying there, adrift in a sea of despair, you wondered how it had come to this. How had fate forged such an intricate web, weaving together desire, longing, and the damning truth of your shared blood?

You felt like you had been short-changed by life, and after wiping away your tears, you, too, put on a solid face to return to the party downstairs.

Lizzie Stark, her eyes filled with triumph and pity, brushed past you on your way down to the ballroom, her voice barely concealing her smug satisfaction. "Tommy will never truly be yours. Blood is thicker than desire,” she barked, and you resisted the urge to confront Lizzie, unable to find the words to refute her taunts.

The weight of Thomas's rejection bore down on you, suffocating your spirit and casting a dark cloud over the extravagant celebration that had once held so much promise.

As you meandered through the festivities, your mind raced with thoughts of escape. Perhaps leaving Birmingham was the only way to mend your shattered heart. But even as you entertained the notion, a part of you clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, love could conquer all in the end until, somewhat suddenly, you were approached by a man you had not met before. His name was Liam O’Connor, and he was the newest member of the Peaky Blinders. Handsome, tall and dangerous.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy x y/n #tommy shelby #cillian murphy x you #peaky blinders #tommy shelby smut #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby smut #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinder fanfic

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quietsnooze · 6 months

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Info dumping about my homebrew DnD world ahead!

Eidholme is a low magic fantasy DnD campaign setting wherein magic is very limited, feared, and persecuted. The continent is split into 5 kingdoms & 2 empires.

Here's a visualization using Azgaar's fantasy map generator, then painted by me using Inkarnate to show the landforms:

Long ago, there were racial variations (many of the expected DnD races), but war and mistrust tore apart the continent and drove out many as humans struck down the remaining.

Now, there are heritages in the bloodlines of many current day humans that lie dormant as also magic does

(Basically my way of saying "this is an all human campaign... mostly." When the players get to higher levels, they will manifest traits from their heritages if they want to have that aspect included. Most left that up to me to surprise them!)

The deities are known as Guardians. There are twelve who are revered across the continent in different capacities - the kingdom of the Reamers is highly religious and worships all 12, whereas others pick & choose their preferred "endorsed" Guardians.

The Guardians' sigils I designed:

• Pandor, of Pleasure

• Lilabet, of Patience

• Elnos, of Creation

• Phiphine, of Growth

• Aisling, of Endings

• Cohara, of Mercy

• Bodhi, of Progress

• Llyr, of Dominion

• Niamh, of Hearth-keepers

• Keros, of Justice

• Ashtur, of Aggression

• Ryasis, of Curiosity

The event that caused the humanization of Eidholme was over a millennia ago, but the hurt caused by the End of Magic is more recent - a little more than 200 years prior, with fear and abuse of it at an all time high, magic was almost universally banned across Eidholme.

What was the straw that broke the camel's back? The population does not know, other than it was surrounding the tensions that broke apart the Mountainlands into two empires: Marboke in the north, and Oakham in the south.

(My voice game players know tho! They participated in it in prologue)

The continent shares the equinox and solstice celebrations, but have differing, more local traditions for them. Here’s a calendar I created that shows them! In Launlia for example, the Primavernal is celebrated as the Awakening Festival locally, for Niamh, Guardian of Growth.

Another fun fact about Eidholme: the vast majority of the continent's trees and its ONLY forest exist in Duskhollow. The kingdom is shrouded in mystery, in ancient Woods magic, in protections that keep any out who it doesn't want to be there.

The Woods is alive. It decides.

I have a lot of documents my players can comb through for information at their leisure. This one factually lists information that the PCs would know. It is not necessarily Wiki-level accurate, however, as propaganda is a heck of a thing.

Cantrips aren't exactly rare, but depending on where you are, you wouldn't even want to risk casting one. Privilege allows some of higher station to play around with magic in a badly kept secret. Otherwise, you are licensed or regulated by the governing body on your usage.

And that, of course, is why both of the parties who play in this world stumbled across Wanted posters for their questioning and arrest! "Wanted in connection to blasphemy and magic usage in Launlia", while their allies are "wanted in connection to actions against the Crown"...

For as much as I limited in character creation for lore purposes, I gave back through the same world building. Characters can interact with the world, seeking lost ways of old magics, ancient techniques, connections with the natural world… even be taught new (homebrew) cantrips

This is one of those instances where the PCs fit the trope of “chosen one” levels of power, as few ordinary people are powerful like they are and will be. The catch? That also makes them HUGE targets for backlash. Without the right support, they’ll be on the run… everywhere.

That makes it a very socially driven, political ties sort of campaign story. They also have befriended nomads, who can help them in their own way.

Nomads are, expectedly, nomadic people dissenting of law and homeland. They are expectedly hunted or outlawed for their magic use.

Some places welcome them as a novelty, others allow them under tentative circumstances for services granted (easy to locally wash your hands of it and assign blame to nomads who are long gone by the time you’re found out). Their trust is notoriously difficult to gain.

Why? Because they’ve been lured by royals to perform, only to be mass incarcerated. They’ve been promised sanctuary and found instead themselves given to their enemies. The groups do not inherently trust one another, either- friendship with one doesn’t mean friend to all.

As for beyond the continent… not many know what lies beyond. Those who travel out rarely come back, those who do are driven back by storms and critical failures of their ships. The Brackish Tears is the only kingdom who receives imports from beyond the vast waters.

There's a tale of a Tearsian prince memorialized in statue: Eóghan Griogal - a prince, second son to King Cian and Queen Siobhan, beloved by his people in the 17th century, about 200 years BME (Before magic’s end) or prior to the new age. His romance to the wispy foreigner - had many people talking, some excited in the chattering and others devastated by his betrayal. For he found love at sea, a man whose affinity with water was undeniably clear, closer bonded to it than even the water births of the Reamers would boast.

The lore creates a very interesting challenge for a fantasy world:

- wood is expensive and rare, so describing anything, from building materials to origins of fruit, is adjusted

- gemstones are extremely rare and not mined anywhere anymore as the source died with the elves

- magic is mostly outlawed

I'm currently running two games in this world. One traditional DnD via voice sessions who adventure across the continent, one written/play-by-post mixed with Good Society ttrpg, sandboxed in the Brackish Tears' capital.

Here is the star map and constellations. I have so many documents for my players to chew on, and I’m adding to them constantly.

#dungeons and dragons #DnD #DnD homebrew #fantasy #fantasy worldbuilding #worldbuilding #good society #ttrpg #inkarnate #my art #long post

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intersectionalpraxis · 3 months

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Can we collectively email Columbia University of behalf of the Palestinian students, particularly this one, Lalya? They'ven been harassed daily by Zionist professor Shai Davidai, and now he's playing victim when he posts the most disgusting, racist, violent garbage, sometimes targeting students by name.

Here's a link to some screenshots of Layla's interactions with this piece of filth.

https://twitter.com/itslaylas/status/1746927719986704819?t=ZT-8NREJpyhwbfvSwQDTzA&s=19

Here's Columbia's portal for anonymous reporting

https://research.columbia.edu/report-incident

Direct action. No one this sick in the head should be allowed to have a position of power over students.

WHY just WHY can pieces of shit like this remain as assistant professors in the academy and are able to put ZIONIST in their fucking bio without ramifications is beyond me (just say you're a colonizer and violent settler). He didn't just "publicly shame" her -he targeted this student and essentially opened her up to harassment, potential doxxing, and if any zionists were to escalate in-person -to assault and abuse. Calling students who don't defend the IOF as terrorists... the audacity. Thank you for alerting me to this, and for folks who are able to report this racist and bigoted professor. This was his most recent post:

It was based on this Instagram image:

This professor is calling people who are saying that genocide is bad and that we need to be aware of the fact that current settler countries/places with a colonial and imperial histories are dangerous and are not a lesser 'evil' -are 'pro-terror' organizations...

I'd imagine he'd fit right in with white supremacist groups hundreds of years ago and even now to be frank because goodness forbid those being systematically oppressed resist and fight back against their oppressors, and in the case of recognizing colonial empires have just as much or more blood on their hands.

This kind of fear mongering by depraved and violent settlers like him, who have never-ending superiority complexes, are trying to maintain their OWN power and privileges afforded to them because of US imperialism and violence.

30,000 Palestinian people have been mass genocided -their communities are being destroyed. Over half of Gaza is children under the age of 18 -and so many of them already represent amputees and are orphaned. Fuck you to the zionists and their 'I'm always the victim' card. I'm truly sick of it.

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randomnameless · 13 days

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To continue the woobified view of the Elites and my comparison of them to the Black Eagles :

Same for me regarding the BE, especially because they also literally fought Edelgard's troops in WC when you choose their house, and even if you don't, they definitely still would know that Edelgard dus nasty shits in WC.

The idea that media literacy is dead is quite fitting, because the idea that even rotten persons have loved ones/that having loved ones doesn't mean you're not rotten is a known thing, yet the Eagles and elites get a pass solely because "they genuinely believe in the cause" and "they love and care for each other"

Probably Fraldarius was as devoted to Nemesis as Ingrid to Dimitri, Lamine very well may have been as sassy as Dorothea, perhaps Goneril was as brave and endearing as Caspar, or Maurice was as loyal to his clan's interests as Petra to Brigid's happiness (through a strong bond to the Empire) but like the BE, they are butchers, who relished in the destruction of everything those against them hold dear, lap dogs and rabid curs of someone they definitely know have crushed innocents and scorn the very idea of peace except under their domination.

The only meaningful difference between Edelgard-following BE and the elites is that we can know more about the BE and we are forced to dislike cutting them down even as they refuse to let northern Fódlan alone.

Honestly I need a fanfiction where the BE are called out for that bullshit.

Yep!

That's the tone deaf feeling I got from Nopes, the Deers are hunting someone bcs their leader wants her dead for no reason, but Raph only comments on how hungry he is.

Uh, sure Raph, you're not the most thoughtful character in there, but come on? Some commentary or exposition on what you're doing? Hello KT? Can we have characters be challenged or even react to the events of screen instead of wondering what's for dinner/teatime?

No??

I wouldn't say it's an issue of media litteracy being dead, but more something in the lines of people being more and more "all or nothing" nowadays, without any nuance and conflating liking a character with the idea/image that might project on you : if I like ASOIAF's Cersei, I don't think everything she does is "justified", but modern fandom, I feel like some people would categorize you as a "good" or "bad" person based on the characters you like, and it's just... not what fandom is or was supposed to be imo, I'm here to nerd and gush about favourite characters, not write litteral essays about the Geneva Convention.

Corollary is what, imo, made the Fodlan fandom hell : some people really take "criticism" against a character personally - sure the way FE16 was written invites projection, but at the end of the day, making a Berning Fire Joke is, just, making a joke about a bunch of pixels, nothing more.

Back to the BEs, they can have a sense of camaraderie and genuinely support each other... as they tear apart "people because Supreme Leader told me to" and fight side by side with Bob the Carpented who was turned into Waldi the demonic beast.

Ferdie can skewer Flayn on her father's lance because she is "a creature that has plagued humanity for ages" even if they reached a C support before shit hit the fan - and still protect Mercedes and Bernie from their abusing Fathers. Does that make him a great guy? A nuanced guy?

I think the trope is called "even evil people have loved ones" or something like that?

I don't think so, but he is no random one note villain sycophant either - now, what is the more annoying with the Fodlan games is how this dichotomy is never called upon : everything is just a giant blob or Hresvelg Grey ("morally grey" but only applied to Supreme Leader) where no one really is angry at her, and all the "sacrifices" she's making are off-screen while the characters on-screen always moan about her "ReFoRmS" and "IdEaLs" without talking about the cost bar some milquetoast "but war bad". And no one, in the game, will ever throw this hypocrisy to their face - Gallant Ferdinand will dream about the Opera as he wipes off the blood of a young woman who just wanted to return to the only home she had.

Yay.

FWIW, some mutuals and I have nothing but pure lols about Doro's line in the non-CF routes being "we killed Ferdie professor :'(" because, hey, why should I care more about Ferdie than about random loldier 55 ? Rhea? Felix? Claude? Ignatz?

Maybe the Elites were really friends and became """"nice""" persons with time, to their families and loved ones ?

Does this magically erase what they did before? Will that "good" they did erase all the "wrongs" they have previously done? Will theyr forever escape the consequences of their actions?

In a game that depicts Flamey as a terrorist for 11 chapters only to drop that plot point by the window to moan, again, about her "IdEaLs", "consequences" are maybe something you can eat as a snack, or throw in a trashcan.

So following the rules of this verse, given how Supreme Leader never receives flak for her Flamey stunts, why should the Elites receive any for what they did? Look, Maurice calls Daphnel his friend, surely he is not that bad of a man? Well yeah, he might have seduced women and planted a lot of wild oats here'n'there, but he cares about his friends!

Jeritza likes ice creams and cats! Surely it's more important to paint him as a cat lover than to deal with all the consequences of his stunt as the Death Knight, kidnapping and implied rekting young woman while he was in GM, under Flamey's orders, right?

Calling it now, after eviscerating Seteth's older brother, Goneril might have melted in front of one of Rhea's kittens, and adopted the cat asap. Surely that makes Goneril a "good" character right? And forget the entire "genocided a bunch of hippies living isolated in their village" stuff?

I don't have fanfics recs where the BEs are called hypocrites, but I confess I don't read a lot of fanfics in the FE16 fandom because of all of the aforementioned issues.

#maelor321 #replies #i don't even know if i replied to your ask lol #i disgressed and ranted #fandom woes #FE16 was designed as a game where you'd feel bad for fighting against 'your loved ones' aka precious students #the writing and execution is so artificial that they couldn't even make it believable for a second #so instead we are hit with giant signposts that read 'plz be sad now'#like Doro's we killed Ferdie sad uwus #or even Billy's choice in SS/VW of i don't want to kill Supreme Leader/I want to walk with her uwu #she is revealed to be Flamey she has been warring for 5 long years she caught Rhea #she had so many randoms peons killed #and yet the game has the nerve to give us this?#evening salt #SW!Anakin loves his fiancee so much uwu #sure he murders a bunch of babies and toddlers but don't you want to walk with him to create a galactic empire and kill #people who don't agree with him? including his beloved wife?#people conflate nuance and 'grey' with 'my fave did nothing wrong'

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roseapov · 6 months

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Concubine

Jennette x GN!Reader

Tw: murder, obsession, stalking, power gap, power play, power abuse, degradation from position

Action is taking place during the Lovely Princess

Povtober 2023, Day 29 [Masterlist]

Jennette de Alger Obelia, the beloved crown princess of the Obelian Empire and the older sister of Athanasia de Alger Obelia, who is considered a forgotten princess.

And truthfully so, she is very much forgotten indeed. People of the Empire and their shared father cared only for their sunshine, future ruler.

Yet there was one person, one that Jenette desired most, and that wasn't Ijekiel. It was you. Whenever you were in her vicinity, the world around her didn't matter, no one else mattered, not even her father.

She was never able to catch your eye the way she wanted, all you saw in her was a friend at most, not even a close one, much to her dismay. Yet it never changed the fact that she loved to observe you.

Your whole attention was always directed to her sister, making her blood boil. Your visits were always for Athy and never for her. Do you really see her unworthy visiting? Unworthy of your companionship?

What did she ever done to you? You act so distant, it makes her heart clench in pain. One day she finally gathered the courage to ask you, what her younger sister had, that she hasn't.

She had much more of everything! What was the thing she was lacking? Yet the answer...

Your answer was nothing she could ever be prepared for, you loved her sister. You loved someone else. Her sister and not her. You didn't loved her.

She started to tremble from anger and frustration, fists clenched, eyes starting to water yet any tears never fell down her cheeks. She run away from you, before you could ask any questions, making you pale from the threat of death for making the precious princess cry.

Ever since then you were strictly forbidden from seeing your love, making both of you confused, yet inwardly you knew the reason very well, your inetraction with older princess never leaving your mind.

Athanasia never truly knew the reason for this, unlike Jennette, but that never stopped her from seeing you in secret, as she also held feelings for you.

Ever since then the older princess was always at your side, taking the place of her rival sister. The two of you grow closer with the flowing time, even after your doubt at the start. Much to her delight.

You even get so bold as to ask her for perimssion to have a sleepover with her in the castle, of course she wouldn't dare to refuse you.

She would've refused if she knew that you would sneak out at night just to meet with Athanasia.

Later on, the day of the coronation had finally came, and with that day henceforth the Obelian Empire welcomed its new ruler, Jennette de Alger Obelia.

And her first order was to make you her concubine...

No one honestly expected it, seeing you two as close friends, but the shock on your face told them all they needed to know. It was all one sided. You couldn't believe your ears, hoping that they have failed you, instead of believing what was happening.

No one would tried to do anything about it anyway, if their newly beloved queen says so, it shall be obeyed. You were left at her mercy.

The nobles that you were part of earlier, pitied you and your injust end. From being respectable and renowned noble to mere plaything of the empress, with no worth.

The only plus of this situation was the fact that you got your own palace to live it, meant for the new royal concubines, instead of living together with the emperor ones.

Speaking of the empress, she loved to spend all her free time with you. Visiting you every evening and calling you to herself on busier days.

It was great for her, the perfect harmony.. Until she caught you meeting with Athanasia. All hell broke loose.

The one person she was always trying to be better than, you were seeing her being her back, without her knowledge. That made her erupt with fury, and the next thing you know, a head rolled.

The head that once belonged to the Athanasia de Alger Obelia, the second princess of the empire, now laying on the dirt.

You couldn't say no, now your words hold no power, making you forever stuck at her side... Besides, after seeing what she had done to her kin, you don't want to risk anymore, do you?

It was so hard to find good pics of jeweled eyes Jennette TwT

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ystrike1 · 1 year

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You Are My Devil - By 김빠 (6.5/10)

Wasted potential is always sad. The webtoon adaptation for this is cheap, because the ending is bad. Multiple reviews of the original novel implied that the author rushed the ending, and the spoilers I read are barely sub-par. This isn't enemies to lovers. It's about an unexplained obsession, and two characters who give up on their main goals for no reason.

Heina is princess of Constance. The land of flowers and plenty. Her people are not war folk. They grew complacent, so they were quickly overthrown by the desert empire of Nicke.

Heina watches her fiance die during a duel with the fourth prince of Nicke, Yuri. Yuri takes her as a prize for winning, and her parents are powerless to stop the prince. The Emperor of Nicke is a shrewd general, and Yuri is known as the best solider in the world.

Heina tries to kill herself and she tries to escape seven times. She is tormented by Yuri's odd behavior. He seems obsessed with her

...but he isn't??? He leaves her alone for long periods of time, and the Emperor plans to sacrifice her during the rain ceremony. Which is a ceremony only the Nicke family can perform. Yuri doesn't want to kill her, but he doesn’t actually try to help for a long time. Heina lives as his prisoner knowing her days are numbered.

Yuri threatens to destroy Constance and her family if she kills herself. He doesn't even want her to cut her hair without his permission. His character design is also good.

Prince Yuri sleeps by her side when he isn't busy killing. He kisses her hair. He seems to adore her, but he doesn't care about her feelings. He is feared because a prophecy stated he will end Nicke. I THOUGHT this maybe meant he would abandon his abusive family that branded him a bad omen. To, you know, wed the woman he is obsessed with and rule over Constance with her. After annexing Nicke with his epic army powers....but noooooo.

We get one good scene where Yuri tries to show her how beautiful the desert can be. The problem is he killed her fiance. She actually loved her fiance, Argen. One speech about the moon doesn't win her heart.

Shocker.

But wait...

This is the Emperor of Nicke. He has three sons. Yuri is a fake. An orphan from the desert destined to become a powerful warrior. Emperor Genius here took him in, to use him as a rival figure for his sons. It's actually kind of a good idea. Introduce a brilliant and strong rival...that isn't actually a threat. Yuri can never summon rain for Nicke, so he's a decent punching bag for the real sons to use.

Oops. One true son is blind and he can't rule. Camille is also on Yuri's side, because Yuri is the best potential Emperor. His magical soldier skills are exactly what a violent nation like Nicke needs.

The current true heir, Pecsis, is a wimp. His mommy put him in line for the throne. He plays with poisons and he's crap at fighting. The Emperor is now in a pickle. The best heir isn't his son. The third son is already prime Minister, and unable to do Emperor things.

Shot yourself in the foot there, huh idiot?

The plot twists are shocking...ly bad. Argen is alive. A body double died in the duel. He returns with an army to reclaim his beloved princess. She rejects him by the time he arrives to save her, because she falls for Yuri. No. There is no real reason. Then, Yuri loses against Argen on purpose. He wants Heina to be a happy Empress, and eventually he figures out that he isn't a real prince. Which is why he was always disposable and sent to war. Heina probably falls for him because he saves her from being sacrificed...and because she pities him. That's not love...the ending is just sad. Heina and Yuri choose to live in the desert together. Their daughter returns from the sands alone, to become the true heir of Nicke and Constance.

Um.

You skipped the good parts???? Literally all of the good parts????

Yuri had Heina imprisoned for a year, and none of that is shown. We don't see WHY he is obsessed with her. Why he was willing to throw down his helmet and let her be happy with Argen??? It just doesn't make sense. Heina is an extremely prideful princess too, who LOVES her people. She doesn't commit suicide to protect them from Yuri's wrath. Her...leaving??? To live in a HOLE??? In the desert??? When she loves her homeland and family so much is a joke. Yuri SHOULD HAVE sacrificed his family to bring prosperity to Constance. THAT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE. Since their gods said he was destined to destroy Nicke ANYWAY???? lame.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #war drama

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brostateexam · 9 months

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In April, Yashar Ali published Ring camera video of Crowder’s property, which showed the YouTuber verbally abusing his wife, Hilary. In the videos, Crowder told his pregnant wife, “I will fuck you up” and ordered her to perform “wifely duties.” Crowder and his wife have been in a contentious divorce since December 2021.

As conservative radio host Erick Erickson noted, there was scant defense of Crowder after this video was released.

The damage only continued. In May, The New York Post revealed that Crowder has a long history of abusing his staff. This included screaming — including at his father, Darrin, who acts as his booker — as well as exposing his genitals to his employees. Mediaite followed this, reporting in July that Crowder created a workplace that was “rife with bullying, alarming and unpredictable behavior, as well as lewd sexual workplace misconduct.” In addition to the sexual harassment, the reporting also stated that Crowder would offer and ask employees for drugs, including Klonopin and opiates.

#long reads #*abuse #*drugs #*pretends to be shocked*#*45 et al

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bearhugsandshrugs · 4 months

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Hello im coming to hit you with some small tidbits and also my own little thoughts ive had with my own durge because of it :D (this got long because adhd go brr; tldr, you can totally play durge as a weapon without real autonomy due to Bhaal and his possessing of the Durge, and i went all in on that and also the Pining TM) One thing that Sceleritas will apparently tell you (and I believe I read this elsewhere on tumblr) was that the most awful thing he ever saw you do was (checks notes) give gold to a beggar. There's also times with the durge where, when dealing with like, sweet things, they feel physically sick at the sweetness of it/the person/their own actions? And its implied that that feeling comes from Bhaal, and it almost feels like Bhaal is essentially sneering at the act in your blood and its like an intrusive thought that the durge has to push away and push through if you lean less Murder Hobo with them. Theres an especially good example in the Grove with Arabela when you can potentially send the kid to her death or you can push through that thought and instead focus on saving her and the narrator describes it as you taking a breath and willing the thoughts away to retain some clarity. Combined with the fact that the durge often has like,,,, detox symptoms? And can outright state when talking to Sarevok if you become an Unholy Assassin and play their little game and be a good Bhaalspawn, that you wished Bhaal trusted you enough to not possess you and use you against your will, so the game even leaves room for a Durge to turn against Bhaal, not even out of morality or inherent goodness, which can also 100% be played up and played into, but rather out of an autonomy issue, that sure, maybe they are a murderer, but at least now itll be 100% their choice who and when and how, and not a thing that literally overtakes them and possesses them Exorcist style minus the pea soup! When I played my Durge who was made specifically with Gortash in mind, Miri, she was actively walking backward on her history- blending in with the cult in Moonrise, trying to find notes and letters and talking to anyone who might've known her before to see what was up. But i never actually leaned into being a Bhaalspawn, I actually played her pragmatically. She was a bit of an ice queen and could be cruel, cold, callous but she was ultimately a strategist. But its that call to her history - not Bhaal but just,,,, knowing who she was, finding her identity that was so cruelly stolen from her, however messy and horrific it, she, mightve been, and then with Gortash, that turns up to 11 because "holy shit theres been a little hole inside me until i finally made my way back here, back to you, and you knew me, holy shit i feel like i know you, i feel like i trust you and i feel like you're the first person i dont want to have to kill, oh no you were important somehow before but how?" which turns into "Am I too different now? Is too much of me gone for you to feel whatever you might've felt, the feeling that is tugging at me too?" and the answer is no, because its still her and it was never just about being a bhaalspawn; she admired and respected him and it was the same back; two abused, lost, cruel people, who found one person they didnt want to be like that with, didnt *need* to be like that with, because they accepted one another (and also also the way Gortash is like huh im surprised you turned on bhaal but now the power we obtain will be ours and you wont even have a god in the mix so that means all the more power to you and you alone <3) Anyways i think im actually in love with this stupid man and gortash with an OC, tav or durge, is my Roman Empire

aww thanks for sharing! I think my biggest “issue” with Durgetash is the whole reveling in being bad together, mostly brought on by Durge (?). Personally (like yay for anyone who finds that appealing) I find being a cruel, manipulative, murdering power couple to be boring. It’s always easier to be evil than good. The world isn’t inherently fair. it comes with the territory.

It’s why Gortash is the most interesting to me when he offers a Tav a coalition. He seems gray with his morals, pragmatic, not picky about what gives him the control he so desperately craves. Durge (in most portrayals, but I’m really thankful for your version, which I thinks is very interesting) is often portrayed as someone reveling in the murder and all the bad. This whole heehee-haha we’ll murder the world vibe for a pre-tadpole Durgetash is just… I don’t connect to a character who had no redeeming backstory other than a sudden bout of amnesia?

But it seems like the portrayals I’ve seen of Durge so far have been more caricatures, more exaggerated, and that’s okay (again not trying to judge, it’s just my personal preference). If there could be a version of Durge that always struggled with the murder? Who didn’t eat people because that’s their thing? Who didn’t fuck corpses because they were into it?

Yeah. I can work with that. That’s a story of breaking free, of redemption and reinvention. Yes, I like that.

#enver gortash #durge #durgetash #gortash asks #technically a durge ask but alas #silverhand-hoe asks

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hazedxhealing · 1 year

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Once again, doing the research, so you don't have to, A THREAD.

1). Separating Fact from Fiction: An Empirical Examination of Six Myths About Dissociative Identity Disorder (the full article)

Bethany L. Brand, PhD, Vedat Sar, MD, Pam Stavropoulos, PhD, Christa Krüger, MB BCh, MMed (Psych), MD, Marilyn Korzekwa, MD, Alfonso Martínez-Taboas, PhD, and Warwick Middleton, MB BS, FRANZCP, MD

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is defined in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) as an identity disruption indicated by the presence of two or more distinct personality states (experienced as possession in some cultures), with discontinuity in sense of self and agency, and with variations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, or sensory-motor functioning.1 Individuals with DID experience recurrent gaps in autobiographical memory. The signs and symptoms of DID may be observed by others or reported by the individual. DSM-5 stipulates that symptoms cause significant distress and are not attributable to accepted cultural or religious practices. Conditions similar to DID but with less-than-marked symptoms (e.g., subthreshold DID) are classified among “other specified dissociative disorders.”

DID is a complex, posttraumatic developmental disorder.2,3 DSM-5 specifically locates the dissociative disorders chapter after the chapter on trauma- and stressor-related disorders, thereby acknowledging the relationship of the dissociative disorders to psychological trauma. The core features of DID are usually accompanied by a mixture of psychiatric symptoms that, rather than dissociative symptoms, are typically the patient’s presenting complaint.3,4 As is common among individuals with complex, posttraumatic developmental disorders, DID patients may suffer from symptoms associated with mood, anxiety, personality, eating, functional somatic, and substance use disorders, as well as psychosis, among others.3–8 DID can be overlooked due to both this polysymptomatic profile and patients’ tendency to be ashamed and avoidant about revealing their dissociative symptoms and history of childhood trauma (the latter of which is strongly implicated in the etiology of DID).9–14

Social, scientific, and political influences have since converged to facilitate increased awareness of dissociation. These diverse influences include the resurgence of recognition of the impact of traumatic experiences, feminist documentation of the effects of incest and of violence toward women and children, continued scientific interest in the effects of combat, and the increasing adoption of psychotherapy into medicine and psychiatry.18,29 The increased awareness of trauma and dissociation led to the inclusion in DSM-III of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), dissociative disorders (with DID referred to as multiple personality disorder), and somatoform disorders, and to the discarding of hysteria.30 Concurrently, traumatized and dissociative patients with severe symptoms (e.g., suicidality, impulsivity, self-mutilation) gained greater attention as psychiatry began to treat more severe psychiatric conditions with psychotherapy, and as some acutely destabilized DID patients required psychiatric hospitalization.31 These developments facilitated a climate in which researchers and clinicians could consider how a traumatized child or adult might psychologically defend himself or herself against abuse, betrayal, and violence. Additionally, the concepts of identity, alongside identity crisis, identity confusion, and identity disorder, were introduced to psychiatry and psychology, thereby emphasizing the links between childhood, society, and epigenetic development.32,33

In this climate of renewed receptivity to the study of trauma and its impact, research in dissociation and DID has expanded rapidly in the 40 years spanning 1975 to 2015.14,34 Researchers have found dissociation and dissociative disorders around the world.3,12,35–45 For example, in a sample of 25,018 individuals from 16 countries, 14.4% of the individuals with PTSD showed high levels of dissociative symptoms.35 This research led to the inclusion of a dissociative subtype of PTSD in DSM-5.1 Recent reviews indicate an expanding and important evidence base for this subtype.14,36,46

Notwithstanding the upsurge in authoritative research on DID, several notions have been repeatedly circulated about this disorder that are inconsistent with the accumulated findings on it. We argue here that these notions are misconceptions or myths. We have chosen to limit our focus to examining myths about DID, rather than dissociative disorders or dissociation in general. Careful reviews about broader issues related to dissociation and DID have recently been published.47–49 The purpose of this article is to examine some misconceptions about DID in the context of the considerable empirical literature that has developed about this disorder. We will examine the following notions, which we will show are myths:

belief that DID is a “fad”

belief that DID is primarily diagnosed in North America by DID experts who overdiagnose the disorder

belief that DID is rare

belief that DID is an iatrogenic disorder rather than a trauma-based disorder

belief that DID is the same entity as borderline personality disorder

belief that DID treatment is harmful to patients

MYTH 1: DID IS A FAD

Some authors opine that DID is a “fad that has died.”50–52 A “fad” is widely understood to describe “something (such as an interest or fashion) that is very popular for a short time.”53 As we noted above, DID cases have been described in the literature for hundreds of years. Since the 1980 publication of DSM-III,30 DID has been described, accepted, and included in four different editions of the DSM. Formal recognition as a disorder for over three decades contradicts the notion of DID as a fad.

To determine whether research about DID has declined (which would possibly support the suggestion that the diagnosis is a dying fad), we searched PsycInfo and MEDLINE using the terms “multiple personality disorder” or “dissociative identity disorder” in the title for the period 2000–14. Our search yielded 1339 hits for the 15-year period. This high number of publications speaks to the level of professional interest that DID continues to attract.

Recent reviews attest that a solid and growing evidence base for DID exists across a range of research areas:

DID patients can be reliably and validly diagnosed with structured and semistructured interviews, including the Structured Clinical Interview for Dissociative Disorders–Revised (SCID-D-R)54 and Dissociative Disorders Interview Schedule (DDIS)55,56 (reviewed in Dorahy et al. [2014]).14 DID can also be diagnosed in clinical settings, where structured interviews may not be available or practical to use.57

DID patients are consistently identified in outpatient, inpatient, and community samples around the world.12,37–45

DID patients can be differentiated from other psychiatric patients, healthy controls, and DID simulators in neurophysiological and psychological research.58–63

DID patients usually benefit from psychotherapy that addresses trauma and dissociation in accordance with expert consensus guidelines.64–66

An expanding body of research examines the neurobiology, phenomenology, prevalence, assessment, personality structure, cognitive patterns, and treatment of DID. This research provides evidence of DID’s content, criterion, and construct validity.14,55 The claim that DID is a “fad that has died” is not supported by an examination of the body of research about this disorder.

MYTH 2: DID IS PRIMARILY DIAGNOSED IN NORTH AMERICA BY DID EXPERTS WHO OVERDIAGNOSE THE DISORDER

Some authors contend that DID is primarily a North American phenomenon, that it is diagnosed almost entirely by DID experts, and that it is overdiagnosed.50,67–69 Paris50(p 1076) opines that “most clinical and research reports about this clinical picture [i.e., DID] have come from a small number of centers, mostly in the United States that specialize in dissociative disorders.” As we show below, the empirical literature indicates not only that DID is diagnosed around the world and by clinicians with varying degrees of experience with the disorder, but that DID is actually underdiagnosed rather than overdiagnosed.

Belief That DID Is Primarily Diagnosed in North America

According to some authors, DID is primarily diagnosed in North America.50,52,70 We investigated this notion in three ways: by examining the countries in which prevalence studies of DID have been conducted; by inspecting the countries from which DID participants were recruited in an international treatment-outcome study of DID; and by conducting a systematic search of published research to determine the countries where DID has been most studied.

Table 1

Dissociative Disorder Prevalence Studies

First, our results show that DID is found in prevalence studies around the world whenever researchers conduct systematic assessments using validated interviews. Table Table11 lists the 14 studies that have utilized structured or semistructured diagnostic interviews for dissociative disorders to assess the prevalence of DID.80 These studies have been conducted in seven countries: Canada, Germany, Israel, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Turkey, and the United States.37–39,44,45,71–79

Second, in addition to the prevalence studies, a recent prospective study assessed the treatment outcome of 232 DID patients from around the world. The participants lived in Argentina, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Germany, Israel, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Sweden, Taiwan, and the United States.81 That is, the participants came from every continent except Antarctica.

Third, we conducted a systematic search of published, peer-reviewed DID studies. Using the search terms “dissociative identity disorder” and “multiple personality disorder,” we conducted a literature review for the period 2005–13 via MEDLINE, PsycInfo, and the Journal of Trauma and Dissociation. This search yielded 340 articles. We selected empirical research studies in which DID or multiple personality disorder had been diagnosed in patients. We recorded authors’ countries and institutions, and whether structured interviews were used to diagnose DID. Over this nine-year period, 70 studies included DID patients. Significantly, these studies were conducted by authors from 48 institutions in 16 countries. In 28 (40%) of studies, structured interviews (SCID-D or DDIS) were administered to diagnose DID.

In summary, all three methods contradicted the claim that DID is diagnosed primarily in North America.

Belief That DID Is Primarily Diagnosed by DID experts

Lynn and colleagues69(p 50) argue that “most DID diagnoses derive from a small number of therapy specialists in DID.” Other critics voice similar concerns.50,82,83 Research does not substantiate this claim. For example, 292 therapists participated in the prospective treatment-outcome study of DID conducted by Brand and colleagues.81 The majority of therapists were not DID experts. Similarly, a national random sample of experienced U.S. clinicians found that 11% of patients treated in the community for borderline personality disorder (BPD) also met criteria for comorbid DID.84 None of the therapists were DID experts. In an Australian study of 250 clinicians from several mental health disciplines, 52% had diagnosed a patient with DID.85 These studies show that DID is diagnosed by clinicians around the world with varying degrees of expertise in DID.

Belief That DID Is Overdiagnosed

A related myth is that DID is overdiagnosed. Studies show, however, that most individuals who meet criteria for DID have been treated in the mental health system for 6–12 years before they are correctly diagnosed with DID.4,86–89 Studies conducted in Australia, China, and Turkey have found that DID patients are commonly misdiagnosed.78,89,90 For example, in a study of consecutive admissions to an outpatient university clinic in Turkey, 2.0% of 150 patients were diagnosed with DID using structured interviews confirmed by clinical interview.74 Although 12.0% were assessed to have one of the dissociative disorders, only 5% of the dissociative patients had been diagnosed previously with any dissociative disorder. Likewise, although 29% of the patients from an urban U.S. hospital-based, outpatient psychiatric clinic were diagnosed via structured interviews with dissociative disorders, only 5% had a diagnoses of dissociative disorders in their medical records.37 Similar results have been found in consecutive admissions to a Swiss university outpatient clinic91 and consecutive admissions to a state psychiatric hospital in the United States45 when patients were systematically assessed with structured diagnostic interviews for dissociative disorders. This pattern is also found in nonclinical samples. Although 18.3% of women in a representative community sample in Turkey met criteria for having a dissociative disorder at some point in their lives, only one-third of the dissociative disorders group had received any type of psychiatric treatment.78 The authors concluded, “The majority of dissociative disorders cases in the community remain unrecognized and unserved.”78(p 175)

Studies that examine dissociative disorders in general, rather than focusing on DID, find that this group of patients are often not treated despite high symptomatology and poor functioning. A random sample of adolescents and young adults in the Netherlands showed that youth with dissociative disorders had the highest level of functional impairment of any disorder studied but the lowest rates (2.3%) of referral for mental health treatment.92 Those with dissociative disorders in a nationally representative sample of German adolescents and young adults were highly impaired, yet only 16% had sought psychiatric treatment.93 These findings point to the conclusion that dissociative disorder patients are underrecognized and undertreated, rather than being overdiagnosed.

Why is DID so often underdiagnosed and undertreated? Lack of training, coupled with skepticism, about dissociative disorders seems to contribute to the underrecognition and delayed diagnosis. Only 5% of Puerto Rican psychologists surveyed reported being knowledgeable about DID, and the majority (73%) had received little or no training about DID.94 Clinicians’ skepticism, about DID increased as their knowledge about it decreased. Among U.S. clinicians who reviewed a vignette of an individual presenting with the symptoms of DID, only 60.4% of the clinicians accurately diagnosed DID.95 Clinicians misdiagnosed the patient as most frequently suffering from PTSD (14.3%), followed by schizophrenia (9.9%) and major depression (6.6%). Significantly, the age, professional degree, and years of experience of the clinician were not associated with accurate diagnosis. Accurate diagnoses were most often made by clinicians who had previously treated a DID patient and who were not skeptical about the disorder. It is concerning that clinicians were equally confident in their diagnoses, regardless of their accuracy. A study in Northern Ireland found a similar link between a lack of training about DID and misdiagnosis by clinicians.96 Psychologists more accurately detected DID than did psychiatrists (41% vs. 7%, respectively). Australian researchers found that misdiagnosis was often associated with lack of training about DID and with skepticism regarding the diagnosis.85 They concluded, “Clinician skepticism may be a major factor in under-diagnosis as diagnosis requires [dissociative disorders] first being considered in the differential. Displays of skepticism by clinicians, by discouraging openness in patients, already embarrassed by their symptoms, may also contribute to the problem.”85(p 944)

In short, far from being overdiagnosed, studies consistently document that DID is underrecognized. When systematic research is conducted, DID is found around the world by both experts and nonexperts. Ignorance and skepticism about the disorder seem to contribute to DID being an underrecognized disorder.

MYTH 3: DID IS RARE

Many authors, including those of psychology textbooks, argue that DID is rare.70,97–99 The prevalence rates found in psychiatric inpatients, psychiatric outpatients, the general population, and a specialized inpatient unit for substance dependence suggest otherwise (see Table Table1).1). DID is found in approximately 1.1%–1.5% of representative community samples. Specifically, in a representative sample of 658 individuals from New York State, 1.5% met criteria for DID when assessed with SCID-D questions.77 Similarly, a large study of community women in Turkey (n = 628) found 1.1% of the women had DID.78

Studies using rigorous methodology, including consecutive clinical admissions and structured clinical interviews, find DID in 0.4%–6.0% of clinical samples (see Table Table1).1). Studies assessing groups with particularly high exposure to trauma or cultural oppression show the highest rates. For example, 6% of consecutive admissions in a highly traumatized, U.S. inner city sample were diagnosed with DID using the DDIS.37 By contrast, only 2.0% of consecutive psychiatric inpatients received a diagnosis of DID via the SCID-D in the Netherlands.38 The difference in prevalence may partially stem from the very high rates of trauma exposure and oppression in the U.S. inner-city, primarily minority sample.

Possession states are a cultural variation of DID that has been found in Asian countries, including China, India, Iran, Singapore, and Turkey, and also elsewhere, including Puerto Rico and Uganda.46,100–102 For example, in a general population sample of Turkish women, 2.1% of the participants reported an experience of possession.102 Two of the 13 women who reported an experience of possession had DID when assessed with the DDIS. Western fundamentalist groups have also characterized DID individuals as possessed.102 Such findings are inconsistent with the claim that DID is rare.

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MYTH 4: DID IS AN IATROGENIC DISORDER RATHER THAN A TRAUMA-BASED DISORDER

One of the most frequently repeated myths is that DID is iatrogenically created. Proponents of this view argue that various influences—including suggestibility, a tendency to fantasize, therapists who use leading questions and procedures, and media portrayals of DID—lead some vulnerable individuals to believe they have the disorder.52,69,83,103–107 Trauma researchers have repeatedly challenged this myth.48,49,108–111 Space limitations require that we provide only a brief overview of this claim.

A recent and thorough challenge to this myth comes from Dalenberg and colleagues.48,49 They conducted a review of almost 1500 studies to determine whether there was more empirical support for the trauma model of dissociation—that is, that antecedent trauma causes dissociation, including dissociative disorders—or for the fantasy model of dissociation. According to the latter (also known as the iatrogenic or sociocognitive model), highly suggestible individuals enact DID following exposure to social influences that cause them to believe that they have the disorder. Thus, according to the fantasy model proponents, DID is not a valid disorder; rather, it is iatrogenically induced in fantasy-prone individuals by therapists and other sources of influence.

Dalenberg and colleagues 48,49 concluded from their review and a series of meta-analyses that little evidence supports the fantasy model of dissociation. Specifically, the effect sizes of the trauma-dissociation relationship were strong among individuals with dissociative disorders, and especially DID (i.e., .54 between child sexual abuse and dissociation, and .52 between physical abuse and dissociation). The correlations between trauma and dissociation were as strong in studies that used objectively verified abuse as in those relying on self-reported abuse. These findings strongly contradict the fantasy model hypothesis that DID individuals fantasize their abuse. Dissociation predicted only 1%–3% of the variance in suggestibility, thereby disproving the fantasy model’s notion that dissociative individuals are highly suggestible.

Despite the concerns of fantasy model theorists that DID is iatrogenically created, no study in any clinical population supports the fantasy model of dissociation. A single study conducted in a “normal” sample of college students showed that students could simulate DID.112 That study, by Spanos and colleagues, documents that students can engage in identity enactments when asked to behave as if they had DID. Nevertheless, the students did not actually begin to believe that they had DID, and they did not develop the wide range of severe, chronic, and disabling symptoms displayed by DID patients.3

The study by Spanos and colleagues112 was limited by the lack of a DID control group. Several recent controlled studies have found that DID simulators can be reliably distinguished from DID patients on a variety of well-validated and frequently used psychological personality tests (e.g., Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory–2),113,114 forensic measures (e.g., Structured Interview of Reported Symptoms),61,115,116 and neurophysiological measures, including brain imaging, blood pressure, and heart rate.

Two additional lines of research challenge the iatrogenesis theory of DID: first, prevalence research conducted in cultures where DID is not well known, and second, evidence of chronic childhood abuse and dissociation in childhood among adults diagnosed with DID. Three classic studies have been conducted in cultures where DID was virtually unknown when the research was conducted. Researchers using structured interviews found DID in patients in China, despite the absence of DID in the Chinese psychiatric diagnostic manual.117 The Chinese study and also two conducted in central-eastern Turkey in the 1990s78,118—where public information about DID was absent—contradict the iatrogenesis thesis. In one of the Turkish studies,118 a representative sample of women from the general population (n = 994) was evaluated in three stages: participants completed a self-report measure of dissociation; two groups of participants, with high versus low scores, were administered the DDIS by a researcher blind to scores; and the two groups were then given clinical examinations (also blind to scores). The researchers were able to identify four cases of DID, all of whom reported childhood abuse or neglect.

The second line of research challenging the iatrogenesis theory of DID documents the existence of dissociation and severe trauma in childhood records of adults with DID. Researchers have found documented evidence of dissociative symptoms in childhood and adolescence in individuals who were not assessed or treated for DID until later in life (thus reducing the risk that these symptoms could have been suggested).11,13,119 Numerous studies have also found documentation of severe child abuse in adult patients diagnosed with DID.10,13,120,121 For example, in their review of the clinical records of 12 convicted murderers diagnosed with DID, Lewis and colleagues11 found objective documentation of child abuse (e.g., child protection agency reports, police reports) in 11 of the 12, and long-standing, marked dissociation in all of them. Further, Lewis and colleagues11(p 1709) noted that “contrary to the popular belief that probing questions will either instill false memories or encourage lying, especially in dissociative patients, of our 12 subjects, not one produced false memories or lied after inquiries regarding maltreatment. On the contrary, our subjects either denied or minimized their early experiences. We had to rely for the most part on objective records and on interviews with family and friends to discover that major abuse had occurred.” Notably, these inmates had already been sentenced; they were all unaware of having met diagnostic criteria for DID; and they made no effort to use the diagnosis or their trauma histories to benefit their legal cases.

Similarly, Swica and colleagues13 found documentation of early signs of dissociation in childhood records in all of the six men imprisoned for murder who were assessed and diagnosed with DID during participation in a research study. During their trials, the men were all unaware of having DID. And since their sentencing had already occurred, they had nothing to gain from DID being diagnosed while participating in the study. Their signs and symptoms of early dissociation included hearing voices (100%), having vivid imaginary companions (100%), amnesia (50%), and trance states (34%). Furthermore, evidence of severe childhood abuse has been found in medical, school, police, and child welfare records in 58%–100% of DID cases.11,13,121 These studies indicate that dissociative symptoms and a history of severe childhood trauma are present long before DID is suspected or diagnosed.

Perhaps the “iatrogenesis myth” exists because inappropriate therapeutic interventions can exacerbate symptoms if used with DID patients. The expert consensus DID treatment guidelines warn that inappropriate interventions may worsen DID symptoms, although few clinicians report using such interventions.66,122 No research evidence suggests that inappropriate treatment creates DID. The only study to date examining deterioration of symptoms among DID patients found that only a small minority (1.1%) worsened over more than one time-point in treatment and that deterioration was associated with revictimization or stressors in the patients’ lives rather than with the therapy they received.123 This rate of deterioration of symptoms compares favorably with those for other psychiatric disorders.

MYTH 5: DID IS THE SAME ENTITY AS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

Some authors suggest that the symptoms of DID represent a severe or overly imaginative presentation of BPD.124 The research described below, however, indicates that while DID and BPD can frequently be diagnosed in the same individual, they appear to be discrete disorders.125,126

One of the difficulties in differentiating BPD from DID has been the poor definition of the dissociation criterion of BPD in the DSM’s various editions. In DSM-5 this ninth criterion of BPD is “transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.”1 The narrative text in DSM-5 defines dissociative symptoms in BPD (“e.g., depersonalization”) as “generally of insufficient severity or duration to warrant an additional diagnosis.” DSM-5 does not clarify that when additional types of dissociation are found in patients who meet the criteria for BPD—especially amnesia or identity alteration that are severe and not transient (i.e., amnesia or identity alteration that form an enduring feature of the patient’s presentation)—the additional diagnosis of a dissociative disorder should be considered, and that additional diagnostic assessment is recommended.

On the surface, BPD and DID appear to have similar psychological profiles and symptoms.124,127 Abrupt mood swings, identity disturbance, impulsive risk-taking behaviors, self-harm, and suicide attempts are common in both disorders. Indeed, early comparative studies found few differences on clinical comorbidity, history, or psychometric testing using the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory and the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory.124,127 However, recent clinical observational studies, as well as systematic studies using structured interview data, have distinguished DID from BPD.59,128 Brand and Loewenstein59 review the clinical symptoms and psychosocial variables that distinguish DID from BPD: clinically, individuals with BPD show vacillating, less modulated emotions that shift according to external precipitants.59 In addition, individuals with BPD can generally recall their actions across different emotions and do not feel that those actions are alien or so uncharacteristic as to be disavowed.59,128 By contrast, individuals with DID have amnesia for some of their experiences while they are in dissociated personality states, and they also experience a marked discontinuity in their sense of self or sense of agency.1 Thus, the dissociated activity and intrusion of personality states into the individual’s consciousness may be experienced as separate or different from the self that they identify with or feel they can control. Accordingly, using SCID-D structured interview data, Boon and Draijer128 demonstrated that amnesia, identity confusion, and identity alteration were significantly more severe in individuals with DID than in cluster B personality disorder patients, most of whom had BPD. However, DID and BPD patients did not differ on the severity of depersonalization and derealization. Both groups had experienced trauma, although the DID group had much more severe and earlier trauma exposure.

BPD and DID can also be differentiated on the Rorschach inkblot test. Sixty-seven DID patients, compared to 40 BPD patients, showed greater self-reflective capacity, introspection, ability to modulate emotion, social interest, accurate perception, logical thinking, and ability to see others as potentially collaborative.58 A pilot Rorschach study found that compared to BPD patients, DID patients had more traumatic intrusions, greater internalization, and a tendency to engage in complex contemplation about the significance of events.129 The DID group consistently used a thinking-based problem-solving approach, rather than the vacillating approach characterized by shifting back and forth between emotion-based and thinking-based coping that has been documented among the BPD patients.129 These personality differences likely enable DID patients to develop a therapeutic relationship more easily than many BPD patients.

With regard to the frequent comorbidity between DID and BPD, studies assessing for both disorders have found that approximately 25% of BPD patients endorse symptoms suggesting possible dissociated personality states (e.g., disremembered actions, finding objects that they do not remember acquiring)126 and that 10%–24% of patients who meet criteria for BPD also meet criteria for DID.75,126,130,131 Likewise, a national random sample of experienced U.S. clinicians found that 11% of patients treated in the community for BPD met criteria for comorbid DID,84 and structured interview studies have found that 31%–73% of DID subjects meet criteria for comorbid BPD.12,72,132 Thus, about 30% or more of patients with DID do not meet full diagnostic criteria for BPD. In blind comparisons between non-BPD controls and college students who were interviewed for all dissociative disorders after screening positive for BPD, BPD comorbid with dissociative disorder was more common than was BPD alone (n = 58 vs. n = 22, respectively).130 It is important to note that despite its prevalence in patients with DID, BPD is not the most common personality disorder that is comorbid with DID. More common among individuals with DID are avoidant (76%–96%) and self-defeating (a proposed category in the appendix of DSM-III-R; 68%–94%) personality disorders, followed by BPD (53%–89%).132,133

When the comorbidity between BPD and DID is evaluated specifically, the patients with comorbid BPD and DID appear to be more severely impaired than individuals with either disorder alone. For example, the participants who had both disorders reported the highest level of amnesia and had the most severe overall dissociation scores.130 Similarly, individuals who meet criteria for both disorders have more psychiatric comorbidity and trauma exposure than individuals who meet criteria for only one,134 and they also report higher scores of dissociative amnesia.135

In the future, the neurobiology of BPD and DID might assist in their comparison. Preliminary imaging research in BPD suggests the prefrontal cortex may fail to inhibit excessive amygdala activation.136 By contrast, two patterns of activation that correspond to different personality states have been found in DID patients: neutral states are associated with overmodulation of affect and show corticolimbic inhibition, whereas trauma-related states are associated with undermodulation of affect and activation of the amygdala on positron emission tomography.62 Similarly, recent fMRI studies in DID found that the neutral states demonstrate emotional underactivation and that the trauma-related states demonstrate emotional overactivation.137,138 Perhaps BPD might be thought of as resembling the trauma-related state of DID with amygdala activation, whereas the dissociative pattern found in the neutral state in DID appears to be different from what is found in BPD.139 Additional research comparing these disorders is needed to further explore the early findings of neurobiological similarities and differences.

What remains open for debate is whether a personality disorder diagnosis may be given to DID patients, because attribution of a clinical phenomenon to a personality disorder is not indicated if it is related to another disorder—in this instance, DID. Hence, the DSM-5 criteria for BPD may be insufficient to diagnose a personality disorder because DID is not excluded. In this regard, some DID researchers have concluded that unmanaged trauma symptoms—including dissociation—may account for the high comorbidity of BPD in DID patients.75,131 For example, one study found that only a small group of DID patients still met BPD criteria after their trauma symptoms were stabilized.140 Resolution of this debate may hinge on whether patients diagnosed with BPD are conceptualized as having a severe personality disorder rather than a trauma-based disorder that involves dissociation as a central symptom.

Yet to be studied is the possibility that several overlapping etiological pathways—including trauma,4,141 attachment disruption,142–144 and genetics145–149—may contribute to the overlap in symptomatology between BPD and DID. In order to clarify which variables increase risk for one or both developmental outcomes, research that carefully screens for both DID and BPD is needed. The apparent phenomenological overlap between the two psychopathologies does not create an insurmountable obstacle for research, because distinct influences may be parsed out via statistical analysis.135,150 Screening for both disorders would prevent BPD and DID from constituting mutually confounding factors in research specifically about one or the other.150

The benefit of accurately diagnosing (1) BPD without DID, (2) DID without BPD, and (3) comorbid DID BPD is that treatment can be individualized to meet patients’ needs. A diagnosis of BPD without DID can lead clinicians to use empirically supported treatment for BPD. By contrast, the treatment of DID is different from the treatment of BPD and comprises three phases: stabilization, trauma processing, and integration (discussed below).66 Given the severity of illness found in individuals with comorbid BPD/DID, clinicians should emphasize skills acquisition and stabilization of trauma-related symptoms in an extended stabilization phase. Early detection of comorbid DID and BPD alerts the therapist to avoid trauma-processing work until the stabilization phase is complete. The trauma-processing phase should be approached cautiously in highly dissociative individuals, and only after they have developed the capacity both to contain intrusive trauma material and to use grounding techniques to manage dissociation.

In summary, DID and BPD appear to be separate, albeit frequently comorbid and overlapping, disorders that can be differentiated on validated structured and semistructured interviews, as well as on the Rorschach test. While the symptoms of DID and BPD overlap, preliminary indications are that the neurobiology of each is different. It is also possible that differences between DID and BPD may emerge regarding the respective etiological roles of trauma, attachment disruption, and genetics.

MYTH 6: DID TREATMENT IS HARMFUL TO PATIENTS

Some critics claim that DID treatment is harmful.52,69,151–153 This claim is inconsistent with empirical literature that documents improvements in the symptoms and functioning of DID patients when trauma treatment consistent with the expert consensus guidelines is provided.65,66

Before reviewing the empirical literature, we will present an overview of the DID treatment model. The first DID treatment guidelines were developed in 1994, with revisions in 1997, 2005, and 2011. The current standard of care for DID treatment is described in the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation’s Treatment Guidelines for Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults.66 The DID experts who wrote the guidelines recommend a tri-phasic, trauma-focused psychotherapy. In the first stage, clinicians focus on safety issues, symptom stabilization, and establishment of a therapeutic alliance. Failure to stabilize the patient or a premature focus on detailed exploration of traumatic memories usually results in deterioration in functioning and a diminished sense of safety. In the second stage of treatment, following the ability to regulate affect and manage their symptoms, patients begin processing, grieving, and resolving trauma. In the third and final stage of treatment, patients integrate dissociated self-states and become more socially engaged.

Early case series and inpatient treatment studies demonstrate that treatment for DID is helpful, rather than harmful, across a wide range of clinical outcome measures.64,140,154–158 A meta-analysis of eight treatment outcome studies for any dissociative disorder yielded moderate to strong within-patient effect sizes for dissociative disorder treatment.64 While the authors noted methodological weaknesses, current treatment studies show improved methodology over the earlier studies. One of the largest prospective treatment studies is the Treatment of Patients with Dissociative Disorders (TOP DD) study, conducted by Brand and colleagues.159 The TOP DD study used a naturalistic design to collect data from 230 DID patients (as well as 50 patients with dissociative disorder not otherwise specified) and their treating clinicians. Patient and clinician reports indicate that, over 30 months of treatment, patients showed decreases in dissociative, posttraumatic, and depressive symptomatology, as well as decreases in hospitalizations, self-harm, drug use, and physical pain. Clinicians reported that patient functioning increased significantly over time, as did their social, volunteer, and academic involvement. Secondary analyses also demonstrated that patients with a stronger therapeutic alliance evidenced significantly greater decreases in dissociative, PTSD, and general distress symptoms.160

Crucial to discussion of whether DID treatment is harmful is the importance of dissociation-focused therapy. A study of consecutive admissions to a Norwegian inpatient trauma program found that dissociation does not substantially improve if amnesia and dissociated self-states are not directly addressed.161 The study, by Jepsen and colleagues, compared two groups of women who had experienced childhood sexual abuse—one without, and one with, a dissociative disorder (DID or dissociative disorder not otherwise specified). None of the dissociative disorder patients had been diagnosed or treated for a dissociative disorder, and dissociative disorder was not the focus of the inpatient treatment. Thus, the methods of this study reduce the possibility of therapist suggestion. Although both groups had some dissociative symptoms, the dissociative disorder group was more severely symptomatic. Both groups showed improvements in symptoms, although the effect sizes for change in dissociation were smaller for the dissociative disorder group than for the non–dissociative disorder group (d = .25 and .69, respectively). As a result of these findings, the hospital developed a specialized treatment program, currently being evaluated, for dissociative disorder patients (Jepsen E, personal communication, June 2013).

Large, diverse samples, standardized assessments, and longitudinal designs with lengthy follow-ups were utilized in the studies by Brand and colleagues159 and Jepsen and colleagues.161 However, neither study used untreated control groups or randomization. Additionally, Brand and colleagues’ TOP DD study159 had a high attrition rate over 30 months (approximately 50%), whereas Jepsen and colleagues161 had an impressive 3% patient attrition rate during a 12-month follow-up.

DID experts uniformly support the importance of recognizing and working with dissociated self-states.65 Clinicians in the TOP DD study reported frequently working with self- states.122 While it is not possible to conclude that working with self-states caused the decline in symptoms, these improvements occurred during treatment that involved specific work with dissociated self-states. This finding of consistent improvement is another line of research that challenges the conjecture that working with self-states harms DID patients.69,152

Brand and colleagues47 reviewed the evidence used to support claims of the alleged harmfulness of DID treatment. They did not find a single peer-reviewed study showing that treatment consistent with DID expert consensus guidelines harms patients. In fact, those who argue that DID treatment is harmful cite little of the actual DID treatment literature; instead, they cite theoretical and opinion pieces.52,69,151–153 In their review—from 2014—Brand and colleagues47 concluded that claims about the alleged harmfulness of DID treatment are based on non-peer-reviewed publications, misrepresentations of the data, autobiographical accounts written by patients, and misunderstandings about DID treatment and the phenomenology of DID.

In short, claims about the harmfulness of DID treatment lack empirical support. Rather, the evidence that treatment results in remediation of dissociation is sufficiently strong that critics have recently conceded that increases in dissociative symptoms do not result from DID psychotherapy.104 To the same effect, in a 2014 article in Psychological Bulletin, Dalenberg and colleagues49 responded to critics, noting that treatment consistent with the expert consensus guidelines benefits and stabilizes patients.

(end article)

#Sage Speaks #Lilith - 🏍️#host posts #alter post #did alter #did #dissociative identity disorder #traumagenic #did research #anti endo #endo dni #fuck endos #endos aren't real #anti endogenic #did is a disorder #did is caused by trauma #you can't have did w/o trauma #endos cope harder

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queenofnohr · 2 months

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Odeline Backstory

CW for sexual abuse towards a minor

Odeline's parents were of the Qerel tribe, exiled for becoming "Taken," and wandered the land for a place they could continue their nomadic tradition, while also avoiding the Garlean Empire. They thus found themselves on the plains of Coerthas, alongside others such as Sidurgu's family...... They were, of course, slaughtered by Ishgardians believing them to be Dravanian, though Ser Ompagne saved Sid and Odeline. Sidurgu, then 11, decided to become Ompagne's disciple. Odeline, only 8, declined the knight's invitation, fearful of what walking the path of a Dark Knight might mean (also. she was 8. what the fuck.)

Ompagne found an orphanage on the outskirts of Coerthas that would take her in despite being Au Ra, though little did he know that her hell started then. Humiliated daily, forced to do hard manual labor, and neglected, this was Odeline's life at the orphanage. Many a time did she seek to run away, only to find herself unsuited to surviving the elements by her lonesome, only to return and be punished horrifically for her actions.

This changed one day when Odeline was 14, when a well off Ishgardian priest sought to adopt her. She was transported from a life of hardship and humiliation to a cushy life in Foundation. He veils her to protect her from unwanted eyes in Ishgard. Upon his recommendation, she begins to study at Saint Endalim's Scholasticate. Unbeknownst to her, in reality, her "savior" is a pervert with a hardon for "correcting" a "dravanian" to be moral and pure and then taking that "dravanian" to bed with him. As she, unfortunately, soon finds out.

She lives like this for 5 long years, taught that being good and obedient will save her from the pain she suffered in her past, all while praying every night for the Fury to punish her "father" for his transgressions........ and every day he is not punished, starting to believe that this is what she deserves as it is the Fury's apparent will. Until, one day, her "father" is persecuted for being a heretic. He and his wife (yes, that bitch was married - he sent her for schooling also as plausible deniability about his intentions for her) are executed as heretics by First Inquisitor Charibert........ though Odeline does not know this at the time. This accusation seemingly coming out of the blue make her believe that Halone really does have a plan. Her trial - not being blood related to the heretic in question - 1. outs her as an Au Ra to the society at large and 2. is a major ordeal for Ishgardian law because it's kind has never been seen before. It's like. A Whole Thing. It cumulates in a trial by combat with Odeline winning with her prodigious magics (also Hydaelyn's favorite child, warrior of light, etcetc)

However, her schooling at the Scholasticate is put into question as her recommendation was written by a heretic....... and besides, she has no money to continue her schooling. Haumeric, a friend of her "father's" as he knew him as a fellow clergyman, and believing his designation as heretic as well as his execution to be an unjustified act of violence by the malevolent Charibert, takes pity on his "daughter," Odeline, and offers to complete her schooling on his recommendation and his coin. She takes his offer and graduates to become an acolyte.

She showed significant potential as an astrologian in her schooling, and so puts up with Jannequard and practices "heretical" astrology alongside traditional Ishgardian astrology in order to "get in good" with one of House Durendaire, constantly fearing for her own persecution should she be anything less than the perfect church Sister.

Even though the time has long since passed for Ishgardians to slaughter Au Ra indiscriminately, her heritage means that Ishgard kiiiiiiiiiiinda wants her dead, frequently ordering her into dangerous places to "chart the stars" hoping she will not come back.

Charibert also wants to persecute her soooooooooooooooooooo badly. She's "the one that got away." His white whale so to speak.

Anyway basically the tl;dr is:

birth-8 traveling with her parents to find a place where they won't be killed

8-14 living in hell orphanage

14-19 hell existence living a "cushy" life but sexually and emotionally (and sometimes physically, if she acted out) abused by her "father"

19-23 finally able to live a "free" life though she's shackled by the trauma of her past and hellbent on 1. being the goodest good church girl she can be bc surely that will ensure her continued survival and 2. if 1. does not work, getting in the good graces of whatever clergy/noble she can will surely save her in that event

arr start

#odeline tag #long post

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tyrannuspitch · 29 days

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it also really frustrates me sometimes when i want to talk about One Specific Aspect of loki's whole deal but i can't find a more specific word for it than "power" or "hierarchy".

like, it *is* about space racism, but for the vast majority of his life he and most of the people around him didn't *know* that. and it *is* about class/rank... kind of...? but in a weird paradoxical way where he's still nominally a prince, and maybe he's arguably being treated like a servant but even if he is he's a pretty high-ranking servant, used for politics rather than manual labour... but also at the same time, as a jotun he's lowlier than anyone on asgard and the only one (that we know of) who might actually be better described as a slave than a servant, because if he was "stolen" then he is property... and none of it's really summarisable in any particular way because this has always just expressed itself as people being Weird About Loki in particular. like there is SO much secrecy and hypocrisy surrounding this power dynamic that odin has had to make loki into his own unique personal category of disempowered outsider. but also. maybe that's just what a combination of domestic and peer abuse looks like. but it's still hardly a typical relationship when your household and its power dynamics envelop the whole kingdom because your father is THE ALLFATHER. hhhhhhhhhh

#space viking tag #meta #ch: loki #th: abuse + empire #th: servant prince #i know it being hard to describe is what makes this a good story #because they're using the medium to make something unique and non-transposable. they're telling a story that can *only* be told this way #but also. it is frustrating sometimes. i need LANGUAGE. PLEASE!!!

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jadejedi · 2 months

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Fantasy Book Review: Babel, Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Translators’ Revolution (R.F. Kuang)

JJ’s rating 5/5

How feral did it make me: ⅗

My book reviews

This book is genuinely one of the most impactful books I have ever read. I have read multiple books where the author is trying to make some sort of political statement, and for the most part I have found that they fall flat. They don’t go far enough, they are more of a utopian dream than any sort of real political statement, or alternatively the themes are so covered by metaphor that they can easily be misinterpreted.

Neither is not true for Babel. From the beginning, this book does not pull any punches. R.F. Kuang wanted to really pull back the curtain and show the cruelty and injustice of colonialism and of empires, and boy does she ever.

Babel is set in 1830’s Great Britain, in a world not that different from our own, except that Great Britain’s empire is run on magic, specifically magic that comes from translations written onto silver bars. Oxford University has the largest Translator’s department (which is nicknamed Babel) and is therefore the center of the empire’s power. A young boy from China is taken by an English guardian to Great Britain. The boy chooses the English name Robin Swift. Robin is educated by his guardian, who is also a professor at Oxford and believes that Robin could be a great translator, and therefore an asset to the British Empire. As Robin goes through his time at Oxford, he has to choose between an easy life of comfort as a piece of the machine of the Empire, and a life fighting against the very Empire that has given him so many opportunities.

Babel is also an outlet for R.F. Kuang to showcase her knowledge on languages, as she is currently pursuing a PhD in East Asian languages at Yale. There are lots of footnotes on the language stuff talked about in the book, which is interesting, but I do understand that this makes the book very dry to some people.

This book is absolutely phenomenal. I hope that someday it is one of those books that all kids have to read in highschool. The characters, the themes, and the story are all very well executed. I will admit that it is a tad slow in the middle when Robin and his three best friends are just going through school, but there’s still a lot of interesting things happening. Specifically, there are a lot of subtle things going on with all of the characters and their relationships that I really loved.

The plot of this story is, in my opinion, fairly easy to predict, but I think that’s on purpose. The title is literally “The Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Translator’s Revolution”. So we know that there is going to be a revolution and we know that violence will be used in it. With those two pieces of information, I was fairly easily able to guess the ending, but that in no way made it less impactful. In some ways, it made it more impactful, because the whole time, I was like, no way. She’s not going to go there. There’s no way. And then as it became clearer and clearer that she was going to go there, I was just more and more shook each time. It felt extremely real.

On a personal note, this book resonated very strongly with me because like both Robin and Griffin, my grandmother was taken from her home country as a very young girl when she was adopted by a white American family. She did not have a good experience, from racist bullying, to her abusive family, again like Robin and Griffin. My grandmother no longer speaks her native language because it was essentially bullied out of her. My mother doesn’t even know her own mother’s birth name. Obviously, none of this happened to me, it happened to my grandmother. But it is still a large part of my family’s history, of my history, and it was something I thought of frequently as I read this book. There were multiple scenes in this book that reminded me so strongly of her story that it brought me to tears. At the end of the day, this book is not just about revolution, it’s about what alienation from one’s culture does to someone, and about Robin’s journey to try to reconcile his native culture to the culture he was brought into.

As I’ve already mentioned, the themes of this book are not particularly subtle. In fact, if you removed the magic from the world, the story would basically be the same. But that is the point. R.F. Kuang did not want to be misunderstood. Take something like The Hunger Games. That is a series that I would argue has very similar themes overall, but like, my ultra conservative dad loves The Hunger Games. He does not read it as anti-capitalist at all, and he can read it that way because it is couched in metaphor. You can not misread this book, and I think that is a bold thing to do.

This book brought me to tears multiple times, it made me fall in love with these characters and their relationships, and it honestly astounded me that an author would write something as radical as this, and that it would be published and then be as well received as it has been.

I will also say that I am categorizing this book as “gen” as this is certainly not a romance novel, but there are characters who are queer, and openly acknowledged by the narrative as queer, and I found their portrayals absolutely beautiful.

Again, this book evoked A LOT of emotion for me. Specifically the last ¼-⅓. Also the last couple of lines of the last chapter before the epilogue made me SOB while at work listening to the audiobook.

#book review #fantasy book review #gen #dark academia #babel #babel an arcane history #alternate history

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dangraccoon · 1 year

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Hell's Comin' With Me

Request for @error6gendernotfound

The Bad Batch (post-order 66) & You

“I'm thinking bad batch angst and eventual fluff (bc I have fragile feelings) with 12 and 28 from the prompt list. One of the batch finds something out about the reader (sickness, past coming back to bite them in the ass, idk) and tries to get them to tell the rest of the batch. Tysm!! I love your writing!”

12. “Just…just don’t upset them. Not now.” 28. “Do they know?” “I don’t know how to tell them.”

Summary: It took years to push your past behind you, but when a new mission leads the Bad Batch back to your old stomping grounds, you're forced to confront your past.

Warnings: past abuse, violence, TW: religious trauma/abuse, TW: poor living conditions, revenge, canon-typical explosions, non-canon-typical murder (I believe I got the worst of it, but please, please, let me know if there's something you feel I should add!!!)

Author's Note: @error6gendernotfound, Garden, darling, thank you so so so much for requesting this! It was an incredible journey to write and I'm so glad that this was my first request! I also want to thank all of you for your continued support; it really means the world to me 💛

It had been a long time since I left “home”. The little outer rim moon I was born on was dry, dusty, and dilapidated. It took 18 standard years to get off that damn rock, and I didn’t exactly leave on good terms with the people of my settlement.

But that didn’t matter; I was off on adventures with a ragtag crew of rogue clones that had taken me in. We all had the same goals: stay away from the empire, and eventually disappear. That was all fine and dandy, until Cid gave us a new mission.

“You’re goin’ to Vel,” she rasped. “There’s a little village called Tirra where you’ll touch down. Pick up the goods and bring them back here.”

“V-vel?” I stammered, doing everything I could not to look as frazzled as I felt.

“It is a moon in the outer rim; part of the Regasta system,” Tech informed, barely looking up from his data pad. “It is not the most…advanced society.”

“That’s nice, Goggles, now shut it,” Cid scowled at him.

The rest of the briefing flew by, and I barely caught anything. We were going to Vel. And worse, we were going to Tirra.

It had been years since I’d left, and I wanted - no, I needed to keep it that way. I just couldn’t go back.

“Oh, I forgot,” I mumbled as the Batch and I began making our way to the Marauder. “I have another mission to take care of.”

The squad stopped in the tracks to look at me.

“Another mission?” Omega asked, quirking up an eyebrow. I hated that I was lying, especially to her.

“You didn’t tell us you were taking solos from Cid again,” Echo questioned, obvious concern crossing his face. Kriff, I should’ve known they’d remember that part of my history.

“Th-that’s because it isn’t for Cid,” I blurted out. Idiot, I thought to myself.

Hunter stepped toward me now. “You’re going behind Cid’s back?” His voice was full of the skepticism that was shown on his face. “You’re not one to make stupid decisions like that.”

“Tough times,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Must be,” he replied, stepping away from me, but squinting his eyes a little, the way he usually did while using his other senses.

He could hear my heart hammering against my ribcage, I know he could.

“Yours have a deadline?” Hunter asked after what felt like a lifetime.

“Well, no, but I need to-”

“You need to assist this squad, like you said you would.”

I glanced around at the others, hoping for some hint of support. Most weren’t looking at me, save for Omega, who was showing her usual curious look, only now it was mixed with something unfamiliar. Her family was uncomfortable, and she was certainly picking up on it.

I could feel the anger rising in my chest, first at the way Hunter was ordering me around, rather than just talking to me, but then it was mainly as a defense mechanism; I was scared but I couldn’t- no, I wouldn’t show that. Not to them.

“Fine,” I spat, hating the feel of venom on my tongue as I brushed past all of them to board the ship.

The entire journey through hyperspace would take nearly a week, and about four days in, I had hardly said a word to anyone that wasn’t Omega. I couldn’t deny her my attention; she was simply too sweet.

“Why don’t you want to go to Vel?” she asked one day, having just entered the gunner's-nest-turned-bedroom, that she liked to let me sit in when I needed to be away from her brothers.

I didn’t know what to say aside from the truth. Omega was fairly mature for her age, but she was naive and innocent and still a child. I couldn’t lie to her.

“Because I was born there. I was born in Tirra, on Vel.” The words felt like gravel pouring out of my mouth, rough, jagged, difficult, but once they were out, once that fact was fully revealed, I did feel lighter.

“What?” Omega nearly shouted, causing me to wince. “That’s amazing! You’ll be able to show us around, and we can meet your family and see where you grew up!”

I shuddered at the thought, and Omega, observant to a fault, noticed.

“Aren’t you excited to go home?” she wondered, the excited smile beginning to fade from her face.

“I…wouldn’t exactly call it ‘home’,” I started, feeling, but not becoming fully aware of the way my fist clenched, pressing my fingernails into the meat of my palms.

Omega didn’t respond, just scooted closer to my side.

I took a deep breath. I’d gotten this far, I might as well tell her the rest.

“I didn’t have the best childhood,” I explained. “My parents died not too long after I was born, so I was sent to an orphanage - um, that’s a place where they take care of all the kids who don’t have any family anymore.

“It was bad; everything was dirty, the beds, the rooms, the clothes, us. And the food was worse than ration bars, when there was any. The grown-ups in charge claimed to be righteous, holy people, but they didn’t care about us. Some kind-hearted people would give money to try and help us, but it would just go right into his pockets.

“When I was a few years older than you are now, he noticed me. He’d hold me up as this example of a disgusting sinner even though I never did anything wrong. He had this…this power over people, and even though I was just a kid, they believed him.

“18 long years of being beaten and spat upon by the people of that town. I had enough. I told that man that I was leaving and he had the town stone me and he banished me from ever returning. I went to Indus, the capital of the whole moon, because finally I was old enough to book passage off-world for myself.”

Omega was quiet for a long time after my shaky words had tapered off. Silent tears were rolling down both of our faces, something I worried Hunter could sense.

“Do they know?” she asked, the sorrow evident in her voice. She was such an empathetic child and the weight of the guilt I felt for unloading on her like I had? It was suffocating.

“No, Omega,” I answered. “I don’t know how to tell them.”

“But they can help,” she scowled at the floor, her belief in her brothers shining through. “They can protect you.”

I took another breath. “I know you trust your brothers, and I trust them too, but I don’t think they trust me. I don’t think they even really like me.” I left out the part of how they probably only tolerated me because of my skill set and Omega’s affection for me.

“They do like you!” Omega protested, having no intention of allowing the idea that her friend and her family weren’t friends as well.

“Omega-”

“I’m sure they trust you. You should trust them.”

Omega left me on my own, climbing down the ladder.

“I wish I could,” I whispered to the streaking lights of hyperspace racing past in the window.

Day six was finally coming to an end. I needed to get off of this ship, even if that meant stepping foot in Tirra again.

The moments before I’d left for Indus were replaying constantly in my mind. The way the townsfolk had cornered me, hurtling rocks, bricks, insults. What I’d told them, my rage taking over my brain in the moment.

I shook my head. None of that mattered right now. There was a mission to complete.

“Entering the atmosphere,” Tech called from the cockpit.

I could feel my nerves rising again, and I clenched my fists, forcing myself to breathe calmly.

We touched down without incident, kicking up a few swirls of dust. Some of the townspeople walking around looked towards us, but ultimately decided to mind their own business.

As we all stepped off the ship, taking in our surroundings, Omega appeared beside me, pulling at my sleeve so I’d bend down towards her.

“Did you tell them?” she whispered as softly as she could, side eyeing Hunter.

I shook my head. Hunter was watching us, suspicion across his face.

Omega scowled at me a little, which despite causing a bubble of guilt to rise into my chest, did little to make me want to talk to her brothers.

“You should tell them,” she said, walking away from me to go ask Tech questions about the moon.

“Tell us what?” Echo asked, suddenly right behind me.

“It’s nothing,” I muttered. I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

The look on his face was heartbreaking; he was so worried about me. “Taking jobs from someone other than Cid? Keeping secrets? It’s not like you.”

Part of me felt touched. He was right, the lies I’d been telling weren’t like me. I preferred to be somewhat of an open book to those around me, especially those I trusted, like the Bad Batch.

“I know, and I want to tell you, it’s just…really hard,” I breathed, the tiniest bit of relief dripping into my brain. At least that wasn’t another lie.

Echo didn’t reply, but his expression of worry didn’t disappear either.

We set out to the rendezvous point where we’d meet with Cid’s contact, walking the edge of the town.

Wait, the edge of town?

“We have to stop,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Four helmeted heads turned back towards me. I could see the confusion on Omega’s face, but I could practically feel it on the rest of them.

“This is the fastest route to the rendezvous,” Tech explained, lifting his data pad to my view.

“I know, but if we go this way then we’ll-”

I clamped my mouth shut. Damnit.

“‘We’ll’ what?” Hunter pressed. I could tell he was fed up with my antics.

I could feel myself shaking and my heart hammering in my chest. I opened my mouth, hoping that more explanation would come tumbling out, but nothing did.

Omega stepped towards me, taking my hand in hers. She beamed up at me, her smile supportive as she nodded.

I took a long, deep, shaking breath in and out. “If we go this way, we’ll have to pass the preacher’s house. If he’s there, and he sees us, he will start trouble. That’s not trouble you want. If we double back and take the main road, the townsfolk will alert him to our presence if they didn’t already when we landed. We need to go up into the woods along the northern side of town. The woods are thick, but easy to navigate. It’ll take a little extra time, so we’ll have to pick up the pace.”

There were four sets of eyes on me, and even though I could only see Tech’s, I knew they all reflected the same thing; full confusion.

They looked between me, Omega - who was smiling kindly at me, hand still in mine - and each other.

Omega, with a slightly irritated tone I’d rarely heard from her, tugged at my hand. “We have to go quickly, right?”

I nodded.

“Lead the way,” she smiled again. A took a deep breath, eyes scanning her brothers’ helmets again, before putting on what I hoped was a determined expression, and turning to lead the group on the alternative route.

Omega eventually let go of my hand as we walked, giving it a supportive squeeze before she did.

As I’d told them, the woods were thick, but I knew them well.

“You going to tell us how you know so much about this place?” Hunter asked slightly behind me.

“That is simple; this is where they were raised as a child,” Tech called from the back of the group. I froze in my tracks, the rest of the group stopping behind me.

“This is your home?” Wrecker asked, lifting his helmet to look at me. My mouth formed a tight line as I fought the tears threatening to pour down my cheeks.

“This is where they were born,” Tech corrected. “However, given the lengths they have gone to trying to avoid this very conversation, I would say their memories of living here are rather unpleasant.”

Echo stepped towards me, lifting his helmet from his head. “Is that true?”

He placed a gentle touch on my shoulder and I was done for. A few tears slipped down my cheeks and Echo’s expression softened.

No. No, we had a mission. I couldn’t do this right now.

I pulled away from Echo, turning my face.

“We’ll be late if we don’t get going,” I explained, beginning to continue our trek, walking briskly.

The rest of the mission blurred by without incident. Wrecker heaved the cargo container up from the ground, and Tech turned to me. “Shall we return the way we came?”

I nodded, unable to really say anything. My nerves were still keyed up, and I had a terrible feeling in my gut. My fists clenched into tight balls as we began our walk back to the ship.

The walk back was uneventful, Tech occasionally looking over his shoulder at me to confirm that we were still on the right path.

“Stop,” Hunter ordered as the town started to come into view.

He pulled a pair of binocs out, looking over the town square we’d have to pass through.

He grunted, passing the binocs to Tech and Echo.

“It’s a trap,” Echo concluded.

“Someone’s not happy we’re here,” Hunter agreed.

“Perhaps it is the religious figure you mentioned before,” Tech added, turning to look at me. The rest of the group’s eyes fell on me as well.

“I don’t know your history with this place, or with this preacher, but you need to tell us what we’re walking into,” Hunter said, his voice quiet. There was less bite in it than there had been before.

“He- He’s powerful. He’s got some kind of dark magic.”

“Like the Sith the Jedi would mention during the war?” Echo asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. He’s never had one of those weapons they all have.”

“What’s his problem with ya anyhow? We like ya just fine,” Wrecker told me, warming my heart a little.

I never knew the answer to his question of course, not when I was kid. I could feel myself falling into my memory of that last day.

“You pathetic child,” the preacher spat. “The weight of your sins will follow you all your days, but you are no longer welcome on Vel. Leave Tirra once its people are done with you, and never return.”

That’s when the rocks began flying. Most of them missed me, or only grazed me, at least at first. But then a chunk of brick caught me straight in the gut. I tried to back away, but the alleyway they’d cornered me in had no alternative exit. I was trapped. Insults were hurled in my direction, hitting almost as hard as the rocks and trash that bruised and bloodied my skin.

I had fallen into a heap on the ground, barely able to keep myself conscious, let alone protected.

As I lay there, the people began to grow bored, only the preacher’s inner-circle lackeys remained.

I gathered my strength as they laughed, pulling myself to my knees, wiping the dirt, blood, and tears from my face.

“You’re going straight to Hell,” said the preacher, rejoining his henchmen.

“I’ll be back,” I warned, my voice shaky. “I’ll come back one day, you’ll never see me coming. You’re gonna regret this, cause I promise you, when I come back, Hell’s coming with me.”

My attention snapped to the present as Echo called my name, his hand and scomp on my shoulders.

A firefight with the locals had broken out, and it wasn’t going well. Wrecker was hit and knocked out on the ground with Omega kneeling over him. Hunter and Tech were behind the cover of the trees, peeking out to fire back on the townsfolk. And Echo was in front of me, holding my shoulders tightly, gently shaking me back to reality.

“You need to get your head back right,” he instructed me, his words coming out more worried than upset. “You almost walked into the line of fire.”

“I- I didn’t- I wasn’t-” I stuttered.

“I know, but we need you,” Echo insisted.

I took a steading breath, wiping away the tears I hadn’t realized were flowing. “Right, right.”

“We need a diversion,” Tech called.

“We need Wrecker to get back up,” Omega responded.

“Stop firing and stay out of sight,” I ordered over the comms. “Don’t make a sound.”

They hesitated, but ultimately did as I told them. After a few moments, the enemy blasterfire slowed, and then stopped altogether. Wrecker was slowly coming back to consciousness, much to all of our relief.

“Wreck,” I whispered. “I need you to do what you do best; we’re going to need a big boom.”

His face split into the grin of a menace and he nodded, clearly fighting the urge to shout his excitement.

“They’ll be coming up to look for our bodies any minute now; the rest of you need to sneak back to the Marauder. Split up and loop around, Wrecker will meet you there once he’s done helping me.”

“What about you?” Omega worried.

“I’m the diversion. The townspeople might not have recognized me when we landed, but I know he will.”

“Are you sure?” Hunter asked, and despite his mask I could feel his eyes staring into mine.

“Yes. It’s going to work,” I assured him. Hunter nodded at me, and then again at the rest of the squad. I watched them disperse, as Wrecker began rigging together what he had in his kit.

The end result was a tangle of wires and explosives. “Good work, Wrecker,” I nodded to him. “Set this on the east side of the town - there should hardly be anyone there - I’ll tell you when to set it off. Now get back to the others, tell Tech to get the ship running as soon as I get into the square.”

Wrecker nodded, dashing off into the trees. I unholstered my blaster as I heard a few townies begin to make their way into the thick forest. I spared a glance around the tree I was using for cover. Just two men were stalking up towards me.

I quickly fired off two shots, hitting each of them square in the center of their chests.

With the coast clear, I moved down the hill towards the town, pausing behind a tree just at the edge. I could hear another man - one of the preacher’s lackeys - shouting after the two who were now laying dead in the middle of the woods.

I could see him. He was still dressed in her overly-ornate robes. He’d gained weight since I last saw him; unsurprising given how skinny the orphans likely were.

I knew I should have waited just a moment longer, but my anger, my hatred of this man was overpowering, and I ran into the middle of the square.

“They said to start the ship now,” I heard Wrecker breathlessly instruct Tech.

“Well, well, well,” the preacher said, stepping towards me. He dropped my name into the dirt beneath his feet. “I believe I told you all those years ago that you’d overstayed your welcome in this town.”

I said nothing, my jaw clenching and my grip tightening around my blaster.

“Still a disgusting delinquent I see,” he mused, looking me over. “I’m certain you still haven’t cleansed yourself of your wickedness.”

I began slowly walking sideways towards the large tree that grew in the center of the square, the townspeople watching in repulsion.

“If you think you’re going to make it out of here alive, you’re an even bigger fool than I thought.”

I lowered my blaster, bringing one hand up to my comm device, “Now, Wrecker!” I shouted, and perfectly on cue, a giant ball of flame burst from behind me, smoke, ash, and debris flooding the streets and square. I used the distraction to climb as high as I could into that big old tree.

I felt myself losing my tight grip on my control, and suddenly it was like I was watching my actions from outside of myself.

I attached the grappling extension to my blaster, and held it up, aiming it at that damned preacher. I fired and it hit, plunging half way into his chest. I used the branches of the tree to steady myself as my grappler began to reel itself in. I wrapped the end of my extension to a sturdy branch, ensuring that the corrupt, evil man would hang before the town.

I jumped down from the tree, surveying the town. The people were at their knees, screaming, crying, begging for mercy.

“I promised I’d bring Hell with me,” I snarled. “But I’ll show you the mercy you never gave me.”

I walked towards the Marauder, not followed, simply watched. I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms but I didn’t move them, longing to feel anything but the rage that was coursing through my veins.

From the moment I boarded the ship until the jump into hyperdrive, it was deathly silent. No one uttered a single word, not even Wrecker and Omega were boasting about the successful mission.

I tucked myself away into a corner in the cargo bay. I felt hot tears streaming down my face, cutting through the dust and grime that coated my face, but I did nothing to stop them now. I let my mind wander away a little, only coming back to myself as I heard talking nearby.

“Omega, where are they?” Hunter asked, seemingly again, his voice filled with paternal scolding.

“I don’t think they want to talk to anyone right now,” Omega replied, her voice firm.

“We just want to help,” Echo pleaded, his voice a little louder so he knew I could hear him.

“Fine,” Omega relented. “Just…just don’t upset them. Not now.”

I expected Hunter and Echo to come across me now, but was surprised to see the whole Batch before me, waiting patiently.

“Are you okay?” Wrecker asked, his voice softer than I’d ever heard it before. He had his little tooka doll in hand, and was offering her to me.

I accepted Lula, pulling her tight against my body.

“A lot happened back there,” Echo started.

Tech continued “We will fully understand if our presence here makes you uncomfortable.”

“We’ll leave if you tell us to,” Hunter added. “But you’re part of this squad.”

“This family,” Omega corrected, scooting close to you.

“We’re here for you, if you want to talk about it,” Wrecker finished.

They all looked at me, somewhat expectantly, Omega, placing her hand on my arm.

A fresh flood began to pour from my eyes as I gasped and panted. “I-I’m so-sorry,” I managed between sobs.

Before I knew it, Wrecker scooped me up into a tight hug, Omega joining it as well, standing on a crate to reach around my shoulder. I felt her send looks towards her other brothers, who relented, coming into the group hug as well.

The warmth and pure familial love that surrounded me now was overwhelming in the best possible way. Eventually it had to come to an end, but for now, all I could do was let myself be swept up in the fraternal display of outright affection.“You do still have a family,” Omega whispered. “We’ll always be your family.”

Thanks for reading! - Dang

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