#that was 2 years ago but it changed how i speak to people online forever

[softpine]

simsecret becoming mostly defunct is the best thing that’s ever happened to simblr

#2018 - 2020 was HELLISH in terms of simsecret #i often think about the commenter who called me 'nauseating' and 'fake' #that was 2 years ago but it changed how i speak to people online forever #i was never fake in my intentions to begin with but now i'm much more reserved #it hurts to think anyone would see me as 'nauseating' #i've been called a lot of things on simsecret but that comment is the one that's stuck with me the longest #i think it's because i've always been extremely shy and quiet in real life #but online i've felt like i can branch out and talk to new people without my anxiety getting in the way #and this is who i WANT to be in real life if i wasn't so scared to talk to people #this is how i act around my closest friends and there's nothing fake about that #idk it just hurt #and i think about it often #idk!! just 11 pm thoughts #nonsims

[onlyhereforturtles]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

So, I am brand new to the posting fics online scene and don't have much to back up these questions with. Most of what I've written are personal WIPs I will probably never release if finished, and I don't release much due to my inability to finish stories as well as my writing mostly being personal. So, since I've only got two released fics out due to this, I'm going to use my WIPs to answer some of these.

Thanks so much to @daboyau for the tag! This was fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2 at the moment. Much of what I write is personal or I don't finish it, so I haven't released many.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

29,684, though with all my countless WIPs it's around 500,000

3. What fandoms do you write for?

TMNT, TF2, Creepypasta, MLP, and Hetalia, though I've only posted one of the TMNT fics and the others will never see the light of day!

(They're not finished and won't be).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Of the two that are on there, the 2003 Lighthouse AU ranks above Work or Death in kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Of course! But I'm also a bit (a lot) antisocial, even on the Internet. So I know there's going to be comments I want to respond to but don't know how to 😅

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

So, I tend to fail no matter how hard I try at writing bad or angsty endings. Somehow everything always ends up going well for the characters, even if I want them to fail. I'm great at giving trauma, just not giving bad endings. I also don't finish a lot of what I write, so there's a small pool to pick from here.

That being said, there is one I know of where both of the endings were planned before I even started writing it, (and no, I'm not finished with it yet), and one of them is a "bad" ending, so to speak. I don't want to talk to much about it, since it is a personal project, but essentially the main character has traveled to a different time and place where an alternate version of her family exists, except all of them are dead but one of her brothers. A lot happens, of course, but it eventually ends up with him being so injured he's rapidly dying. She has the ability to heal him, but he tells her not to because he wants to be with his family again. They have a whole emotional conversation and he dies in her arms. And then she's reunited with her real brothers hours later and won't let the one who died in her arms go for days afterwards. So, like, a bittersweet type of thing.

And that is quite literally the only angsty ending I've ever written. Angsty middles, however, is all I do, and angsty beginnings are a specialty of mine.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The good ending of the one above! After years of battling through several different places on the way home, most of which consisting of alternate versions of people she knew, she finally got to make it back to her real family! They thought she was dead, so the reunion is of course filled with tears and group hugs and a lot of feelings. But that technically happens in both endings. The thing that makes it the good ending is that she was able to save her alternate brother and take him home with her, so he had a new family to love. (Yes I know the new family being his old family is a whole thing that could be psychologically bad. I assure you there's circumstances in place that change that whole perspective, but it'd take forever to explain).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not as of yet, but we'll see what happens! If I do, it's fine by me because I loved it enough to release it and that's all that matters to me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have indeed tried to write smut before. My brain apparently doesn't do that. But that was also a super long time ago when I didn't know as much about that whole subject as I probably should if I want to write it properly, so maybe I'll try again and see how it goes. Not really interested in writing it now though, with all the WIPs I have putting me so far away from that mindset.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've never been super interested in crossovers. Official crossovers are cool to see, but I don't usually look beyond that. I've found a small handful of crossover fics I liked, but have never written any. I guess my brain just prefers to stay within the world I'm working with.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! I hope I never do, but I'm aware it's always a possibility, unfortunately.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but if anyone ever wanted to, I'd be honored.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I was once writing an original story (that I still hope to finish one day) and was telling a guy I was talking to about it. He came up with his own character to help me beef up the story background a bit, and we had a whole storyline about his character meeting the MC. We were going to determine how he fit into the main plot once I'd developed it more. Sadly, I lost inspiration for that story and fell out of touch with that guy, so that most likely won't happen. But that's the closest I've come to co-writing anything, except for a little back-and-forth with @allyheart707. That was fun!.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Uhhhh I'm not really into shipping? I enjoy seeing other people's ships, but I'm not majorly into the romance part of watching or reading things unless it's the main point of the story. So, if a ship isn't canon, then I'm not obsessed over it or looking for or making content for it.

On a side note, I was very happy for Lyra and Bonbon when-

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Every. Single. One of them. There are a couple from my high school years I could care less about now, but all the others are still interests and still things I want to get finished. I have two original stories I already started writing, but got lost in the plot so I had to pause. I've got at least eight that I'm working on right now, all TMNT related except for two, and there's probably a couple more somewhere but I've lost track. But yeah I want to finish all of them. Once I can get them straight enough in my head to do so.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good with dialogue and character/world building. I tend to do a lot of go-with-the-flow with conversations, and I've been told they feel very natural. And I always know everything about who is in my story and why they are where they are and why the world or area is the way it is before I even start writing, which makes everything fall into place a lot easier.

I'm also pretty good at making small points, forgetting about them, and somehow coming up with something later on that connects perfectly with it in a way that makes it seem like that was the plan all along, even if it was done mysteriously enough the reader couldn't figure it out but the clues were all there. I really don't know how I do that, but I'm not complaining.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot. I'm horrible at developing a proper sequence of events or, you know, what we're even doing here. Are we fighting someone? Uh, maybe, but why? What'd they do? What are we trying to to stop them from doing? If we're not fighting someone, what world-saving quest are we going on, and what exactly are we meant to do on it? I have no clue. But everyone here is super developed and has a backstory and detailed list of powers if you need them. My go-with-the-flow attitude is a hindrance here because I can't connect everything if there's no greater picture to weave the threads through. Lighthouse is some strange outlier and I have no idea how it came together so cohesively.

I'm also not the best at describing things in a not straightforward kinda way. I can explain to you in detail how something looks and how the characters are moving and acting in the scene, but I can't do it in a fun way with analogies or flowing descriptions of emotions or any kind of whimsy to fill the scene out and immerse the reader further.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I specifically want the words spoken in the other language for a particular storytelling purpose, I'll do so. But only for, like, a couple words. If there needs to be longer sentences or conversation in another language, I'll clarify that that's happening and just write it in English. Unless I'm trying to make the reader feel like they're in the room but and don't know what the other characters are saying, maybe that'd work. But the couple times I've done it, it was the MC speaking in another language, so it felt more important to see it from her perspective and put it in English so the reader would understand her.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

TF2! My main character from one of my original works was originally my TF2 OC, but she ended up having such a complex story built around her that I pulled her out and gave her her own world. However, my first ever story was inspired by my uncle's book, and I believe it was meant to exist in his world. It doesn't have a fandom around it, as far as I know, but it was the first time I wrote within someone else's world. It was the first time I wrote at all, I'm pretty sure.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

My favorite one I've released is the 2003 Lighthouse AU, because it features my favorite turtle boys and took a lot of research to develop properly, and I love the way it came out. My favorite one I've written out of everything is the one I mentioned in 6 and 7. It's so complex and takes place at the almost end of a very long journey MC has taken to get home. So emotions are high, back stories are long, characters are tired and don't want to be here but still have to do this thing, and new bonds are created.

There's a lot that happens before the start of that story, but it's a personal work so I don't care too much for writing all that out. But it creates such a cesspool of history and emotion, all negative and positive mixed together, leading to certain character development moments I just constantly come back to and watch over and over again in my brain. And then there's the two endings that create whole separate sets of overwhelming emotions. I just can't get enough of my MC and her relationship with her alternate brother. They're perfect to me.

So it got a little wordy, whoops. I love talking about the stuff I write, and probably a little too much. And I would love to see @wendigomahana or @allyheart707 try this for themselves. Or just ignore it if you want. If anyone else happens to see this and wants to give it a shot, go for it!

#tag game #writing #thanks for the tag! #I took a hot minute to get it out... #but i enjoyed it #so thanks!

[ilaiyayaya]

I Hate Twitter So Much

Ok so now Twitter is pretty much dead to me, soooo here I am, tbh I probably should've made another account here a long time ago, Tumblr has always fit my personal preferred use of social media far better than Twitter ever has. I used to have a Tumblr years ago but that was a very long time ago, and I deleted that account precisely because I was moving to Twitter, but now that place is a hellhole so I am returned. I didn't really use Twitter very much anyways so it wasn't really much of a loss, the only social media I've really used substantially in recent years is Discord, so I'm mostly just using this as an opportunity to spread out to more platforms again instead of staying within my small bubble that I've kept to for the last 3 years.

I spent over 2 years being a NEET, during which time I pretty much didn't talk to anyone outside of 2 close friends, I effectively went silent on all social platforms, and even in online games I played I started exclusively playing solo (which tbf, I do a lot of the time even when I'm not a shut-in, but like, the reasoning for why I was doing it was different). I only got out of this period of my life when I got a job at the beginning of this year which forced me to leave my house, even now after over half a year, while I'm doing a lot better I'd still consider myself to be recovering from that period of near complete isolation. Speaking anywhere online is extremely anxiety-inducing for me and often literally makes me want to vomit after saying even the most inconsequential things, and while I've been improving in that regard it's been an extremely slow process, and to me this blog is hopefully going to be a major stepping stone into going back to how I used to be.

Really, I'm just gonna be using this the same way that most people normally use social media, which really shouldn't be that weird or special, but it is for me. Also a lot of the layout of this blog right now is not final (believe it or not, Rune Factory 3 "My mother is telling me to get a good job but my heart is telling me marry rich" screenshot is not planned to be there forever I know it's very sad), I'll slowly figure out how I want it to look over time and change it accordingly. I've already prewritten a couple of blog posts for the next couple of days that way I have no excuse not to at least post something, but after those I'll probably write most of these just on a whim whenever I feel like it, about really anything I feel like talking about.

Now let's hope the formatting on this doesn't look shit on the actual page 🙏

Also I know tags exist, I refuse to use them for this post, if someone wants to find this one they gotta search hard for it, it's like a fun little scavenger hunt and the reward is Misaka_Spin.gif!!!

[yoitscro]

HOMESTUCK RAMBLE

The most troubling thing about the Sarah Z situation is that everything felt like damage control, tactical intimidation, and knee-jerked censorship. Right off the cuff of Hussie’s patreon message*.

(*Does anyone ever notice how Hussie only talks to the fandom when some kind of trouble eventually boils over, usually pointing a finger in one direction, versus addressing things earlier or addressing things period? Such as him having the power to speak against the actual anti queer jargon toward his employees prior to them leaving when things got worse? Or him mentioning the concerns of HS2 that people only found out through word of mouth and were reasonably upset about, such as them getting rid of the content warnings, or the fact that Hiveswap Act 2 was released without credits?

Would certainly make me less irritated if I didn’t know that that message is probably going to be one of his only few that he chooses to write and not mention other things, such as the returned antagonism toward fans. 

But this is also the same guy who continues to write passive aggressive messages in his comic and game scripts that calls everyone else a loser for still being mad about the racism and ableism. (Seriously, Psycholonials is just a vague post in game form and it’s chaotic as fuck to do things like using riots (racially prominent a year ago) in the toned environment of 2020 as goofy plot points. I thought we were suppose to do BETTER after Skaia Net.)

Idc if he’s not apart of WP anymore. Even then, he certainly left a lot of baggage for other people to handle. It’s incredibly irresponsible.

Anyways.)

Those journals have existed forever. Whether right or wrong, they have. They’ve gone unaddressed despite being known for existing. A big name youtuber giving an auditory version that doesn’t take up all the video probably shouldn’t have been the reason that fans finally got some kind of answer, and it’s blatantly transparent that it was to protect the IP from having it’s name tarnished. As if Homestuck doesn’t already have issues that it refuses to acknowledge after a decade that everyone else has talked about.

I can imagine that some kind of NDA was keeping them from talking about Hiveswap to their kickstarter backers, but the convenience of that expiring once Sarah said something gives me an inkling that the people who’ve actually stuck around to support Homestuck could’ve heard sooner. Not to mention that before this big blowout, people just wanted to know that the game was being worked on period. There was actually no NDA preventing that communication.

People wonder why there’s such a rift between WP and the homestuck community, and it’s stuff like that. The fact that Hussie only comes down to address damage when it piles up to a breaking point, rather than earlier. The fact that if you have one criticism, friends or associates of the people who write their favorite characters will maul you in the name of whatever marginalized group they happen isolate you from.

And at the end of it all, it’s almost like some big, surface level moral, because no one cared 3 days after Sarah’s video. Everyone treated it like usual youtube commentary essays about troubling developments and moved on.

Instead, now, still, everyone cares about the fact that an opinion video about Homestuck was getting legal threats during 4/13. After years of a troubled relationship with it’s fandom, this was the last thing they needed to do. I’m trying to wrap my head around what the favorable outcome was here; to look GOOD?

I can’t even imagine what this stunt looks like to other studios and IP groups. I wonder if Homestuck is secretly blacklisted at this point because so much bad behavior has been normalized instead of having a healthy blend between criticism and sympathy.

BC again, a transphobic bigot sending death threats bc homestuck “isn’t what it use to be”, and responding to that rightfully, isn’t the same as someone thinking that more jarring post-canon content and execution of things like toblerone wishes suck some, and figureheads deciding to insult minors, stir character drama, and call other bulk criticisms from the queer community homophobic or transphobic. That in fact loses support, money, and causes infighting, actually.

I’ve never seen a fandom decline in stable activity as hard as 2019-2020 Homestuck.

This is the part where I say that my caliginous crush from wanting to see this IP improve itself flares up from time to time, but is starting to die down knowing that, unless there’s a massive overhaul on how things are run, things aren’t changing...seriously. There are things HS can do even without Viz Media’s overbearing presence, but it doesn’t want to. Starting a feud on your holiday wasn’t one of those things to do, maybe, actually.

I think it’s telling that it’s actually bad enough that I usually refrain from talking as much as I am now, because some part of me knows that some ex WP member, or a friend of one, is reading this and potentially sharing it in whatever snotty chat to once more emphasize how evil of a person I am for saying what everyone else is thinking, lmao.

I think that if anyone wants to pride themselves in not being “terminally online” and in fandom, they should refrain from putting their hands on a story that’s literally embedded and literally about it’s fandom. Go join a private discord instead, or try a different franchise. Maybe have some self awareness. Just a thought.

Anyways, the trust is tainted. The fallout has been followed by quiet, and the current members are reshaping the ground of this community before the weeds eventually rear their heads again.

#buzzcull #i should honestly just make a tag for long rambles like this #crojournal #that sounds terrible but. #someones gonna think im anti hs with this; nah im just saying it how it is. #again i dont have to kiss ass all the time and frankly i did that a lot in the pass. if i get accused as being a centrist #then i might as well speak one sided occasionally. #also again i have no reason to restrain myself and be nice about some who personally hurt me so :)

[shunsuiken]

hc’s for Kuroo and Bokuto with a fem!s/o that DOES NOT STOP TALKING!!EVER!!! like she seems quiet and calm at first, but then she surprises them; please 🥺🥺 xo

due to my illiteracy i read kuroo and kenma sdsjdksj i still wrote bokutos hcs tho so dw! thank u for this request<3

kuroo, kenma and bokuto having a talkative fem s/o.

—kuroo tetsurou.

so when you and kuroo first started dating

you guys were kinda nervous at first but thats natural for a new couple

after a few weeks though, you guys began opening up quicker and more comfortably with each other

communicating became much easier as well when you both learned each others love languages through lots of trial and error 💀

then came this time where

it was as if

your soul had switched with someone elses

because kuroo knew the type of person you were and what you were like

but that was not what he felt when he saw you excitedly chatting away with your friends regarding some movie that came out last week

(you guys are also laughing HYSTERICALLY with each other and omg kuroo has never seen that big of a smile on your face EVER)

kenma had to poke his sides to bring him back to earth cus dude was just that shocked

“KENMA WHAT WAS THAT FOR??-?-?-?1?1”

“you’ve been staring at y/n for a socially unacceptable amount of time, you look like a creep.”

“OH! HEY KUROO YOU’RE ON LUNCH BREAK”

oh my god. kuroo would think at first. who WERE you???

he realised that maybe all this time, the reserved and quiet you may have just been the first layer of your personality, maybe you just needed the time to adapt to the changes?

and so will kuroo lmao

“KUROO KUROO HAVE YOU SEEN THIS NEW MOVIE” “WE SHOULD WATCH IT” “ITS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE AND”

“y/N??? DO YOU NORMALLY SPEAK FHIS MUCH???” he was so used to seeing your calm and relaxed composure

and now that you looked like the epitome of chaos, he felt so cheated that he wasn’t able to get you to be like this in the first few weeks of the relationship

“YEAH!!! but MAYBE im on a SUGAR RUSH right now IM NOT ENTIRELT SURE BUT”

kuroo is just watching you speak, this dumb smile on his face as the truest form of you flourishes in front of him

he’ll start acting like a parent at some point because YOU ARE CRAZY MAAM

“y/n stop yappin’ and EAT” “WAIT WAIT LOOK AT THIS TEASER FOR THAT NE-”

he’d deadass shove a whole onigiri in your mouth just to tease you for a bit

he also likes that he can make jokes and make you laugh louder than before

hes just so happy to see this side of you 🥺

—kozume kenma.

kenma is going to be SO SHOCKED

ngl he’d probably look at u with his brows like >:0 “where did u take my girlfriend!!! where is my girlfriend!!!”

and you’d be in this happy mood so you are PEAK chatty right now so you’re laughing at kenma’s face cus 💀

were your two personalities really just that different 💀💀

kenma will have to get used to your sudden outbursts of excitement conversations every now and then

boy has NO idea what triggered you into switching personalities

but i guess kuroo helps him connect the dots and hes like oh and then hes like oh :D because its a good thing that you willingly act like this in front of him

esp without feeling embarassed or anything hes happy you’re comfortable

its also really cute when you suddenly feel like youre rambling too much

your arm would cling around kenma’s and he’d listen to you ramble about this new netflix show that was released a few weeks ago but it was totally cliche so you told him how the entire internet made fun of it

then when you turn your head to look at kenma, hes just looking forward and you’re like “sorry, rambling arent i?”

“its not a bother,” he’ll say, sliding his fingers to wrap around yours. “if you want we could watch it together for the fun of it”

and thats literally what yall did and oml is kenma glad to see the chaos unfold in front of him

(you were not wrong when you said it was cliche, kenma almost puked at how cliche it was lmfao)

he’ll defs poke fun at the way youre loud just around him and your closest friends but when youre with other people youre just crickets

sometimes when hes playing, you’ll watch his screen and suddenly start braiding his hair

and boy does he have some silky locks despite all the bleaching

then theres another situation where hes playing and you’ll be right beside him, commenting and yelling when they’re in a danger zone

“KENMA IF YOU STAY THERE YOURE-” “I KNOW I KNOW IM TRYING TO GET OUT” “QUICK!! YOUVE ONLY GOT 10 SECONDS LEFT”

“pft kenma you got your girl over or sth? we can hear her” an online friend is gonna say and kenma’s JUST BLUSHING AND STUTTERING, TRYING TO EXPLAIN

you can hear kuroo’s hyena laughter through kenma’s headphones 💀

and since you got to see kenma stumble all over his words and act like a nervous trainwreck, it was overall a very enjoyable experience for you

“sooo when are you gonna play again?”

HES GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS AS A PUNISHMENT

but you like it cus kenma does this cute nose scrunch whenever he pinches your cheeks

and ever since you’ve shown kenma this side of you, the teases between you and him have been endless

you both make sure never to go too far with the jokes tho! so alls good :)

—bokuto koutarou.

bo would prolly be so confused at first like yall know that one ep where hes up against karasuno for that summer training camp and hes just (°_°) YEAH

he’d be like that for the first five seconds before shit clicks

“Y/N!!! Y/N!!!!” “KOU!!! KOUTAROU!!!!” and cue the big couple hug

and every other third year is like 💆🏻‍♀️ here they go AGAIN

and akaashi is literally holding bokuto’s hotdog he literally threw in the air

“A- AKAASHI DO YOU SEE THIS” “yes, bokuto-san, please lower your voice”

bokuto is just 🤩 @ you and he can’t seem to take his eyes off your lips, he loves the way they move

sometimes when yall are in the same class, everyone purposely puts you two on each end of the class

just so that your vibes dont mix and end up causing an explosion

but distance makes the heart grow fonder 🥴

SO THERES LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCE

but even if you two become a lil too loud for everyones liking, they still enjoy the atmosphere you two bring

also loves to invite you and akaashi to walk home together because 🥺 the energy is just so nice

hes also glad that his girl and his best friend can speak comfortably

also rip akaashi’s ears whenever you two start laughing or yelling about some stupid puns you read out loud on the way home

now, during practises after school

the entire fukurodani vbc has to constantly remind you guys to tone down your noise levels

no, not those noise levels

but the way both of you can speak so passionately when talking about things you both have mutual interest in

there’ll be lots of jumping around and always expect the unconscious hand-holding, bo just really likes to hold hands with you

“Y/N YOU LIKE THIS MOVIE??1?2?1?-?1?” “YEAH IVE LOVED IT SINCE LIKE,,, FOREVER!!”

and obvi bokuto’s gonna bring up and ask you why and how you suddenly have so much more energy than before

and you’re just like “i’m only like that for a while 🥺” and you tell him you only start showing the way you actually act when you’re fully comfy w the person

his face softens, relieved that he can make you feel safe in his presence

hes happy that you’ve come to feel that way

so he becomes clingy for the rest of the afternoon you’re not complaining

#haikyuu!! #kuroo tetsurou #kozume kenma #bokuto koutaru #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kenma kozume x reader #kuroo x reader #kenma x reader #bokuto x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #haikyuu headcannons #hq headcanons #hq hcs #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #bokuto koutarou x reader

[chemiste]

Voicemail. ~part 2~

a/n : you want it? go get it! heres the second part to voicemail!! I’m thinking a 3rd and final part for this??? if y’all want it tell me! ALSO I’ve linked what the reader is wearing and maybe what others are too so if you see a link thats what it is. also wanted to say thank you so much for the support on this one shot!! i would put those big eye emojis but im typing on a laptop and i dont think O.O is the same....

first part!!!! go read

mah masterlist

“Next on the red carpet is singer/song writer Y/N L/N, wow look at that beautiful dress!! This year at the Grammys she is up for 3 awards, Song of the Year, Best Dance Recording, and Best Solo Pop Artist!” 

The interviewer exclaimed excitedly from her podium along side the paparazzi wall. It had been a week since the songs were let out for the world and so there was definitely an electricity in the air at the awards ceremony.

“All you fans are probably watching for the most anticipated performances of tonight! Harry Styles will be singing one of his new songs from his album FineLine! Twitter is going ballistic from the recently leaked songs about is break up with L/N, we all know the cameras will be on her tonight whenever he’s mentioned! Oh look, here she comes now!”

You walked over in your beautiful award dress, safe to say you were the best dress star there. Your hair was done up and the red long dress seemed to flow around you effortlessly as you walked. 

“Hello Diane, it’s lovely to see you again.” 

You said in a polite voice, smiling to her and the camera, she handed you an extra mic, ready to drown you with questions.

“I’m going to cut to the chase— did you listen to the songs?”

Wow, this lady’s cut throat I’ll give her that.

“Oh yes! I’ve listened to all the albums nominated this year and I’m so excited.”

“Oh I was talking about—“

“I’m so incredibly grateful for the nominations, I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this album and I’m glad the fans love it as much as I do.”

You could see the Diane deflate a little, understanding you’d keep dodging questions about Harry until it was over so she moved on. 

“Yes, you’re nominated for Best Dance Recording, the music video for your song Clouds was crazy! How long did it take you to figure out how to dance while flying?!” 

You laughed, thinking back to the many rehearsals of choreography on the ground and then being connected to cables and hoisted into the air to perform it. 

“A girl never tells her secrets,” you said with a wink. 

“Well speaking of flying in a music video, I know one performance tonight will be—“

Cheers and hysteric screaming filled the fan area as someone came on to the carpet. 

“Is that? Oh look, Harry Styles enters the stage in a—, my goodness! You and him are matching!”

You couldn’t believe it.

Harry was decked out in a full red suit, hair beautifully fluffed and glimmering in the light. He had red heels that looked like Dorthy’s slippers.

And he had the faintest amount of red lipstick on, making him look like an ethereal being in red.

“Wow, we really are matching.” 

You mumbled to yourself, half forgetting you were being filmed. 

You turned back to the camera the moment you remembered, making your face emotionless so hopefully the interviewer wouldn’t pick up on your thoughts at the moment. 

You quickly thanked her and slipped off into the sea of celebrities, hearing his voice ‘hello love! So happy you could come’ to the fans hoping he would give them a signature.

You entered the award room, looking for your assigned seat. Luckily you were strangely one of the only people in there aside from a few techies working on the stage lights.

“Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Billie Elish, Kahild… Harry….” 

You gasped, basically scoffing at what you saw next. 

“Y/N L/N? Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

You started to breathe a little faster, “Oh god, I don’t think I can do a whole ceremony next to him, after the whole thing online… and not responding to his texts.”

It’s true, when he had texted you that morning, it took you 5 hours and a shot of tequila to actually open his messages.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Hey… I don’t know if you’ve gotten a call from one of your PR people yet but, I just wanted you to know I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I don’t wish to put you through anymore than what I already have…

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Um, but uh, if you’ve listened to the songs, just know that I really do mean the words I sang. I wish we could have, uh talked, but I understand I’m not in any position to ask for that. Just, there were a few others songs that didn’t get leaked, and uh, I’d like you to have them. You don’t have to listen to them but, it would mean a lot to me if you did.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

“Mrs. Styles.”M4A. Click to open.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

“I Should Have Fought.”M4A. Click to open.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

“I’m Sorry.”M4A. Click to open.

You didn’t listen to them, like the others. 

You just… couldn’t. 

It had taken you so long to get over him and grind it into your head that you didn’t do anything wrong, he did. 

Your PR team decided the best thing to do was acted like nothing had happened because if you didn’t give a response the public would have nothing to go off of, so here you were, looking at one of the scheming ideas from someone on the Award Team to see if they’d be the first to get some action between the two of you.

“Fuck that.” 

You said to yourself, looking around to make sure no one was looking, you snatched your name paper and walked about 15 seats over and changed with Lana Del Ray. 

Because you were all in the front row, you couldn’t get farther than that, but this would have to do. You quickly put Lana’s paper in your previous seat and walked out of the room, escaping the ‘crime scene’.

At least I’m sitting next to Shawn now.

You and Shawn had gotten to be friends around a year ago when you bumped into him at the recording studio and....maybe spilled your marshmallow milkshake down his shirt.

“I’m so fuckin sorry! Oh god please don’t sue me for this, or worst, tell your fans!!” 

You rambled, padding him off with the napkins from your fast food bag. You looked up at the tall Canadian in front of you that just had a smile on his face.

 “Hey don’t worry about it, uh, I’m Shawn but I guess you already knew that.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been listening to your music for a while its fantastic, I’m—“ 

“Y/N L/N, America’s Favorite Child and Feminist thats not faired to fuck you up?” 

You grinned, “Oh you saw that video?” 

He laughed, “Hell ya I did, You punching that old misogynist groping that girl on the street is one of the videos saved on my phone!”

After that day, you both caught on like a house on fire since you seemed to be in the studio at the same time, it was great having someone to throw ideas around with at 3am when everyone else had left the studio.

“Y/N! Girl! I haven’t seen you in forever!” 

You looked up from the corner of the red carpet you had been hiding standing in. Hailee Steinfeld made her way over to you in a black dress that hugged her perfectly. 

You let out a sigh of relief, you gave her a big hug, breathing in her sweet perfume. 

“Hailee you’re a life savor, I feel so out of it here.” 

She gave you a soft look, “Cause he’s here right?”

You clinched your jaw, “And we’re fucking matching! How did that even happen? It’s literally the same shade of my dress and everything! There are so many shades his team could have chose but they went with that one! And the lipstick! He’s basically a devil personified! But he’s got style!”

You quietly rambled to your fellow singer, she squeezed your hand when the bell chimed telling everyone it was time to enter. 

“Y/N, before we go in I wanted to ask if you had listened to the songs.” 

“Uh, no… I… I couldn’t hear his voice staying those things to me so I just read the lyrics.” 

Hailee gave your bare shoulder a squeeze, “Well, I don’t want to play devil’s advocate,” you smiled at her little quip, “but I did, and what’s not in the lyrics just written is the emotion you could hear in his voice. During Drunk Thoughts, theres a part that people are speculating he’s crying while recording, trying force sing it out and, it’s just, I think it’s time you spoke to him.”

Hailee was one of your most trusted friends and to hear her say this, wasn’t surprising.

You were starting to think it too.

“But, I’m scared H, what if makes it worse?”

The final bell chimed and you both started to walk inside. “I have a feeling it won’t."

                                                        ........

“What an incredible performance by Ariana Grande, next up is the show we’ve all been waiting for, or well I’ve been waiting for, here’s Harry Styles performing a new song from his nominated Album, FineLine!” 

James Corden announced from the side aisle. You felt Shawn subtly queen your hand, knowing there was bound to be a camera on you the whole time while Harry sang.

You took a deep breath,

No facials.

No twitching.

Calm.

The curtain came up from the stage, the set was a back cube cut diagonally so the audience could see the inside. 

Harry stood in a white suit sans a shirt. He wasn’t wearing shoes so you could see the painted red toe nails peeking out from underneath the too long suit pants. 

His hair had been messed with a bit, giving it a soft and fluffy just out of bed look.

Now he looks like an angel.

He held a red mic in his hand, and spoke into it.

“Before we start, I’d like to inform you that I will be singing an unreleased song not from my album called.”

He took a breath.

"Red.”

You curled your toes in your heels the only way you’d be allowed to release the tension you felt in your body since they were covered by your dress.

Fuck, that’s why we match.

A piano started playing, a sort of dark melody that reverberated through your bones and into your soul.

It’s all I can see,

It’s all I can hear,

The sound is loud,

But it’s not clear.

The tone of your voice,

Plays in my head,

That look in your eyes,

I can tell you want me dead.

Grays are the only color I see,

Black and white and in between.

But then I saw you in that dress.

The color of blood always suited you the best.

You and your red dress.

You and your red…… dress.

Thoughts swirl around, in my mind.

Pretty eyes and satin clothes,

They plagues my dreams, in the night.

Grays are the only color I see,

Black and white and in between.

But then I saw you in that dress.

The color of blood always suited you the best.

You and your red dress.

You and your red…… dress.

You watched as he struggled to hold back the emotion in his voice, you sucked in a small breathe when his eyes made contact with yours, unwavering.

Oh… I wish could take it back.

Oh… I wish I could take it back.

Oh… I wish could take it back.

Oh… I wish I could take it back.

You and your red dress.

You and your red…… dress.

You and your red dress.

You and your red…… dress.

The song ended and the audience was silent.

 Everyone could feel the tension in the room, so you did the only you could do.

You stood and started to clap.

Shawn and Hailee immediately followed your cue and soon the rest of the auditorium was erupting with cheers and roars of excitement.

But all you could focus on was the smile on his face, looking down at you.

And the one forming on yours too.

<3

3rd part right here!

alsoooo i’d like to say a big wtf to people that white wash reader inserts! it’s so damn easy to just put a little colleague together like i did and add it so everyone can envision themselves and like,,, need a hairstyle? literally say ‘you did your favorite hairstyle’ thats perfect and a neutral way to keep everyone happy!!! people that bitch about going the extra mile are worthless writers smh

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x famous!reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry x reader #harry x y/n #harry x famous!reader #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #one direction #h s #1d x reader

[sunball]

Hi💫💓. I have a confession to make. Nothing too serious tbh. This is going to be lengthy. I created a Tumblr acc a while ago but, I was never active on it. I preferred to guest browse, you know. I would lurk around in the tags and read stuff. But, I never actually interacted with the posts. Ever. One day, I was doing the same thing and, I came across your blog. I LOVED reading your posts. You came across as an authentic and outspoken person to me. Your blog's aesthetic stood out to me. I could see that it was an expression of yourself. I could see the effort you put into it. I kept coming back to your blog and ended up finding some other wonderful blogs through it. After a while, I ended up traveling. I didn't have data or WiFi access at the time so, I couldn't read any of your posts. When I returned, I couldn't find your blog for some reason. I low-key freaked out. I am not sure how to explain this to you but, I have ALWAYS struggled with communication. It made me SO anxious to the point that I couldn't even imagine being on social media. People say that interacting with others on the Internet is much easier than face-to-face communication but, to me, it's all the same. At the end of the day, I am always wondering "Was I rude?", " Did I even make any sense?", "What are they going to think of me?". It is such an irrational fear but, I can't help it. After coming across your blog, I decided to check my natal chart, and lo and behold, I have Saturn in the 3rd. After finding out that you had the same placement, it gave me some kind of hope? That may be, someday, I would be able to express my thoughts just like you do. I really respect the efforts you put into your blog. I admire you for that. I really do. Okay, let's go back to the story. I eventually ended up finding your blog. I made up my mind to finally tell you that I loved your blog. I think I send you an ask. I think. But I decided to redo it cause' I felt like the first one didn't do justice. So here I am. I don't know if you will ever actually read this. Even now, while writing this, I am freaking out! I know I am anonymous but, my anxiety doesn't give an f. I want you to know that you are doing great. There are lots of people out there who appreciate what you do, and I am one of them. I hope you rise amongst all perils and achieve all your dreams. Thank you for being yourself. 💛💛💛

Hold up, I was supposed to make a confession, right? Okay so, I used to hang around with a cockroach as a kid. Let's call it bestie. Feels weird to say it, but bestie was actually well behaved? I used to sing songs for it and stuff. Our friendship lasted for a grand total of two days. Bestie was a great roach. Best of all?? It didn't fly. Yap, that's it. I don't know if you will read this but thanks for listening.

omg anon🥺🥺 I’m speechless aahhh aakdhjdg this means SO much to me. you made my day. you made me smile and tear up wow. thank you so much for taking your time to write this. im feelin super special rn hehehe just reading your words makes me feel appreciated 😭 I’m guessing you found my blog when my URL was ilyneptune? I was shadowbanned so that’s why you couldn’t find my blog, SORRY ABOUT THATTTT! I’m glad we found eachother again though :D

I totally get what you mean about the communication part, as a child I was really quiet and did not talk to my family or my friends much. at school I was the most awkward person and was labelled as stupid because whenever I got picked on to answer questions, I would just stutter and answer something stupid 😭 just speaking makes me feel like choking even if it’s just a simple hi. I also used to not like talking online too, I would leave messages unread and ignore them for weeks and I absolutely hated calls (I still do). I also take hours to write a paragraph. saturn in 3rd house things I suppose 😔 but actually, this year my communication got so much better. I stepped out of my comfort zone and made this blog. not so sure what made me do it but I’m glad I did it anyway. now I’m arguing with people in comment sections and I’m not afraid of being wrong anymore. I guess I just accepted that I’m not perfect and that I’m bound to make mistakes and that everyone is here for the same reason - to learn. would me saying something wrong make me a fool? or would the person laughing at me for being wrong and not asking questions be the fool instead? I actually have 2 quotes on my wall, “speak your mind even if your voice shakes” and “he who asks a question is a fool for a minute, he who does not ask is a fool for life”. those quotes are very important to me and pretty much changed my life :B my dad also helped me ig, he’s kinda cold lol but he told me that people actually don’t give a fuck about your mistakes, they don’t notice the things you notice like your crooked teeth, the way you eat, how you stuttered 3 times or how you messed up your presentation. why? people have their own insecurities and their own life to think about, they’re probably thinking of the exact same thing like “omg did they notice that I accidentally spat when I talked?”. so yeah that helped me too.

I believe that you can overcome these fears! I mean, you’re already doing it by writing this to me :D (which brought me to tears lol). If an awkward bean who barely spoke at school (aka me) can do it, so can you! I believe in you anon ((: it’s okay to be anon I understand! I appreciate you writing this to me (for the 2nd time KAHDH I’m sorry I didn’t get your last ask 😭). but anywaysss I’ll still be here for the day you express your thoughts (and imma listen hehe) I’m a sucker for thaaatttt, hearing people’s thoughts and opinions. I think it’s super fascinating how people think differently and how people can come up with different ideas. makes me just wanna take a look inside their mind KAHDJDH.

okay wth a cockroach HAHSGDGD AND WHY IS THAT WEIRDLY CUTE??? why am I aww-ing at a cockroach I don’t get it AHAHAAH AND YOU SANG TO IT?? WELL BEHAVED??? I’m chuckling here 😭😭 that’s so wholesome. so cuteeee😔 bestie will forever be missed <33

thank YOU anon. I hope you are doing well! I hope to see you againnn 🥺

#answered

[jackywroteabook]

6 Ways to Find Inspiration for Your Story

Inspiration… the fleeting rush of ideas that seem to only come late at night or right in the middle of important tasks. Some days, it seems that inspiration has packed up and left forever – but don’t fret! No matter how hopeless it may seem, there are always ways to get that inspiration flowing again! Here are some of my favorite ways to draw in ideas when writer’s block eats away at you:

1. Personal Experience

A little over a year ago, I joined our local community theatre. My life had never been boring by any means, but since joining the theatre, I’ve had so many incredible (and hilarious) experiences… not to mention meeting quite a few interesting characters. It was like no other place I’ve been. In a time when I was desperate for ideas, a wellspring of inspiration came rushing out of this place. Now, if I were to tell you half of the antics that have gone on behind the scenes of our shows, you would never believe me. My life has gone from fairly normal to feeling like I live in a sitcom 24/7. I’ve found that backstage fun is fuel for comedy – which is my strongpoint in writing.

Though the book I’m working on has nothing to do with theatre, the experiences I’ve found there have inspired so many scenes, characters, and plot twists. You never know when one experience could turn into your favorite idea!

2. People You Know

Don’t be afraid to write about someone close to you. Trust me, I know the awkward feeling of writing about a family member or friend, wondering what they’ll think if they find out you’ve put them into a story as a villain when they’re a hero in real life. Don’t let it stop you! If you ask any writer, they’ll tell you they do the same thing. They play matchmaker with their characters by making their best friend the love interest to the story’s heroine. Most non-writers will understand – and they’re often flattered to think you’d include them! (If you’re too worried, just ask the person. The worst they can say is no – then, you change their character just enough for them to not be suspicious and have fun with your new idea!)

One of my close friends has become one of these fun characters – we’ll call him “Liam,” which is the name for the character he’s inspired. I met Liam when I was the newest person to join a group and he was the first friend I made there. In all honesty, he’s unlike any other friend I’ve had.

Not only does he have a huge heart, but he has never lost his childlike quality. Despite seeing horrible things in his life that scar even the bravest of souls, that childlike innocence has never left him. However, he has triggers that terrify him – such as loud noises. We went out for coffee one afternoon and a wet floor sign collapsed with a loud “BANG!” that made him come out of his seat. It took four of us to calm him back down. You could see the terror in his eyes taking him back to that place of horror – but, once he was able to pull himself back, his playful energy returned. Many people don’t take him seriously because of his childlike qualities – like becoming fascinated with things most people take for granted – but he is one of the most intelligent people you’ll meet… and his fierce loyalty is a rare, wonderful trait.

Recently, I’ve had a “HELP WANTED” sign hanging from the door in my brain that leads to my writing. The main character in my novel is a spunky, outgoing, and odd girl who has been in desperate need of a best friend to help her through the events in her book – and cause a bit of fun trouble along the way. “Liam” was the perfect fit!

(I have yet to tell him about this character, because I’m planning to surprise him with it once I’ve written more of the manuscript. He’s been a huge encourager of my writing and I’m very excited to stick him in.)

3. The Internet!

When in doubt, look it up online! The internet isn’t always your enemy (though it’s quite a lovely procrastination tool). Whether you’re in need of a story idea, or just a prompt to get the words flowing, the internet can be your best friend! Many websites have millions of writing prompts right at your fingertips!

4. Don’t Forget Your Notebook!

Wherever you go, never forget to have some way of capturing an idea the minute it comes – whether you have a physical notebook or a writing app on your phone. You don’t want to come across your best inspiration yet and be caught without a way to write it down! (Though, in the unfortunate case that you don’t have anything to write with, borrow a pen from someone and find the nearest thing to write on. I’ve been known to use tissues, toilet paper, my arm, and just about anything else within reach!)

5. Go out in the world and look for things.

Looking for inspiration isn’t always as hard as it seems. As writers, we’re all guilty of staring at our screens, waiting for the perfect idea to pop into our heads. I do it more often than I’d care to admit. Inspiration doesn’t work that way.

I am the type of person who sits in a meeting and observes my colleagues – every mannerism; facial expression; even just the way they speak when proposing something versus the way they speak in normal conversation. I find the distinct nature of each person fascinating. It helps tremendously with character building!

Have writer’s block? Go out for coffee with a group of the quirkiest people you know and spend four hours letting their conversations inspire you instead of four hours smashing your head against your desk. If you don’t have a quirky group of friends, go out alone or with the person you’re closest to and eavesdrop on the most interesting group of people you can find. Listen to that elderly man in the back of the coffee shop, having a sultry and questionable conversation with his girlfriend over Skype. Watch how that quiet, teenage barista longs to talk to his female co-worker, but can’t bring himself to it. Pay attention to the Dad humming his favorite Disney songs, while his twelve-year-old daughter sits beside him, sipping hot chocolate and reading her favorite horror novel. You never know who or what could inspire your bestseller. Getting out there and experiencing all of the ideas this world has to offer is much more fun than sitting alone in frustration!

6. My final, most crucial piece of advice: Never give up!

It may seem like you’ll never find the right ideas for your novel… but don’t give up hope. Be persistent, keep searching, and I promise you will find your inspiration!

#writing inspiration #writing tips #writing advice #Writers of the Future #writers helping writers #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writeblogging #writer's blog #writer's block

[androgynousblackbox]

It’s that time of the year again, my friends, in which I tell you all about how you should all shut up forever all your incesant whinning about latinx/latine. 1. The reason you SHOULD complain about Latinx should be about it makes it less accesible for blind folks relying on devices to read their screens and it’s always too time consuming explain how you even pronnounce when Latine is just right there, no questions needed unless you pronounce “e” on some especial way but this is specifically for other latine folk who never knew how does including a x irl on all gendered words would even works. We can do with “e” just fine. 2. Every single person who ever claims anything remotely close to “latinx is not even coming from latin people, it’s an idea from priviliged gringos trying to control us” is lying to you, wether they know it or not. This is especially insidious because a lot of times I see it coming from latinos who have never even stepped outside of the USA, so they actually have no clue about the cultural development that the “inclusive language” (gender neutrality in spanish) has had on the continent for decades now. I remember seeing already on the early 2000 friends online who would use either x or @, who in turn would speak about how they saw other people using that on advertisement or other places even before then. This is only talking about the time I have been alive, I am sure there are latines who will tell you about how gender neutrality in Spanish has been a topic people have concerned themselves with for even longer than that. To say that this is a small silly thing no latine actually cares about is a lie, plain and simple. No fucking gringo had nothing to do with this conversation, they only made it more mainstream. 3. Any whinning about how “spanish/portuguese doesn’t work like that! latino is already gender neutral!” can shut the fuck up right now. I don’t know about portuguese, although I can imagine, but I can 100% promise you that a lot of people would not understand the spanish that Don Quijote used on it’s original form without a translation page to refer to because, as it turns out, Spanish has changed A LOT through out the years and we keep adding new meanings to it. Five years ago we didn’t had a word for youtuber, but now we do because it became necesary for our daily interactions and people were using the word for a pretty long time before that anyway. Every year I see articles about how the Real Academia Española decided to include this or that word, to declare that this or that spelling that used to be considered bad now is official, because RAE doesn’t invent words or rules, they merely record the ways in which people have used Spanish before they even heard about it. If enough people keep spelling apple as “manzanana” then they are going to include that as another way of spelling apple. Spanish is changing all the time and faster thanks to social media. To claim that Spanish can only be one way and it can never deviate from that is absolute ahistorical nonsense that makes linguists cringe. 4. “It’s silly”, “it’s unnecesary”, “nobody cares” are not acceptable arguments.  They are not argument at all actually. As I said, this is a thing. Has been a thing for longer than most of the people saying that have been alive and will continue to be longer that they have been dead. If you don’t care, fine, you don’t care, but some people do and you have no right to attempt to change that. Change is coming wether any of us want to or not and it’s not going to stop because you don’t like it.

#latine stuff #andro is venting

[mysteryartisticwriter]

Body Stealing Black-Eyed Bitch (2) // Jack Kline/Belphegor X Reader

A/N: This is part two so make sure you go read the first one in order for this one to make much more sense lol. This one is actually a lot longer than the first one because me being stupid didn’t equal it out.

TAKES PLACE DURING 15x01 (SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN BTW

Requested: Kinda...people wanted this second part but I was gonna make it anyway

Warnings: Blood, some forms of gore, some angst, and some heavy makeout session

PART 1

Not my gifs!! (Please tell me if you, the owner, would like me to take the gif down!)

-

The guys ran to the doors to check the outside while you stayed back and stared down the demon. He noticed you looking at him and smiled.

“What? No thank you?”

You scoffed. “As if I’ll ever thank you.”

You and Belphegor followed the older men to the outside. You exited the tomb and saw that the sky was still an eerie dark black, but the several dead walking bodies had collapsed on the ground, lifeless once more.

“Hey, it worked! High five!” Belphegor cheered, lifting his hand for high five that one paid any attention to.

“The spirits have been destroyed.” Castiel said, looking around the graveyard.

“No, I actually just blasted them out of those bodies.” Belphegor walked past the four of you.

“So where are the ghosts, then?” Dean asked.

Belphegor didn’t really give a proper answer and you all just sighed then headed toward the chevy impala. As always, Dean was driving and Sam was in shotgun. You, Castiel and Belphegor sat in the back, much to yours and Cas’ distaste. It was a bit worse for you since you were trapped in the middle of the two, meaning you were closer to the demon.

The five of you drove down the dark road as Sam checked online if there was anything on the news. Belphegor was checking out his vessel in the car’s mirrors.

“I mean, come on. I look good.” He said while fumbling with his glasses.

“Don’t get used to it.” You barked, your arms crossed and face blank.

“I’m gonna have to, sweetheart.”

“Anything?” Dean asked his brother, changing the subject.

Sam glanced at Dean with a strange look. “No, not yet. I mean, the news, they didn't...it just... I'm not seeing anything about a worldwide zombie apocalypse.”

“So... Ghostpocalypse. Maybe it's just happening here.” Dean suggested.

But Belphegor shrugged from the backseat next to you.

“Eh, for now. I mean the souls gotta go somewhere, right?”

“Yeah, how many are we talking about, by the way? Souls?” Sam asked, turning his body to face Belphegor.

“In hell?”

“Yes.”

“Two...three billion.” The demon shrugged nonchalantly.

Your eyes widened while Sam and Dean shared a dour face. They knew lots of souls escaped from Hell but not that many.

“Alright. Let's just stick to the plan, alright? We head back to the bunker, figure out how to close the rift.” Dean said.

Belphegor sucked in a breath. “If you can.”

You glared your eyes to him.

“Yeah well, you got a better idea?” You snapped.

“I do not. But if you wanted to buy some time, you could always contain the ghosts.” He told you.

“Contain them how?” Asked Sam.

“Magic.” He answered, as if it was obvious.

“And you just happen to know the right spell?” Cas pointed out.

“Lucky you.” Belphegor said, smirking at you.

You just rolled your eyes and sank back into your seat.

“What do you mean by "contain"?”

“Imagine a salt circle a mile wide. No ghosts get in, no ghosts get out.”

“No,” Castiel interjected. “That town, Harlan, Kansas is less than a mile from the cemetery.”

“Then we get everyone out.” Dean deadpanned.

“How?”

“We lie.”

-

It was already light once you guys arrived back in the town. Sam left the car to speak to the sheriff about the town’s evacuation, you, Dean, Cas and Belphegor were left in the car.

“We can handle the evac, so why don't you grab Crowley Jr. here whatever he needs for his spell?” Dean told you and Cas.

“No.”

“I’m not doing that.” You both protested at the same time.

“What?” Dean confusingly asked.

Castiel looked anywhere but Belphegor. “Dean, I can't. I-I...I can't even look at him.”

A terrible silence went through the car before Cas finally just sighed and left the car. Dean just turned back into his seat and pulled out his extra pistol, opening the glove compartment and shoving it in there out of plain sight. Belphegor took notice and looked over the seat to see what he hid.

“Uh, what’s that?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, cool.”

Dean looked at you in his rearview mirror and sighed.

“(Y/n), I’m gonna need you to help...Belphegor find his supplies and seal up the town. Once you finish the spell, come find us, okay?”

“I am not dealing with him...I can’t. This demon is inhabiting Jack’s-” You stopped. “He’s using his body, Dean.” You confessed to the eldest Winchester brother.

“Sorry, but I’m not asking, Singer.” Dean scolded you, using your last name.

Whenever he used it, you knew he meant business. No one ever called you by your adoptive father’s last name but the Winchesters and that only happened in times where you really pissed them off. You just scoffed and scooted farther away from the demon next to you.

Being near Belphegor kept reminding you that the love of your life was gone forever. Every memory, good and bad, about Jack replayed in your mind. From when you first found him, to teaching him to control his powers or even when he ran away. Your heart and mind ached, ached for your love back.

You noticed that Dean and Belphegor stepped out of the car so you followed on your side. Dean gave you strict instructions about the demon (mainly on making sure he didn’t go rogue and kill you) and then left you alone with him.

As you walked down the street, Belphegor walked next to you and watched several people who walked past you two. He eyed their appearances then whispered to you.

“So, people are, like, crazy good-looking now, eh?”

You furrowed your eyebrows in a mix of irration and confusion. “What?”

“I mean, the last time I was on Earth, when I was human. Ah, it was a while ago. I mean, but, you know, we were all worshipping this giant rock that looked like a huge penis, and...”

“Ew, dude, TMI.” You grimaced. 

“It’s true! Anyway, folks back then, they were, uh, ugly. You know? Had a lot of humps. I mean, a lot. Look at 'em now,” Belphegor stared at your body and smiled. “I mean, look at you. I mean, you're, uh, you know, beautiful.”

You halted in your tracks and a memory popped into your mind.

“You’re very pretty, (Y/n).” Jack told you.

You looked up at him in surprise. The two of you were just in the middle of searching for a case in the bunker’s library when he broke the silence with his words. Jack was just staring at you with a lovestruck gaze and you blushed heavily.

“Thank you, Jack. I think you’re very pretty, too.” You replied, trying to focus on your computer.

“No, no, I mean it.” You looked back up at him, staring into his piercing eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

A tear escaped your eye before you had a chance to wipe it away. Belphegor saw you had stopped walking so he looked to you and saw your bleak expression.

“Um... you good?” He asked, going to shake your shoulder but was stopped by you grabbing his wrist.

“Never touch me. Never call me beautiful. And don’t you ever ask me if I’m good,” You furiously wiped at the tears in your eyes. “Because I am never good.”

You could see out of the corner of your eyes that some people were starting to stare at you two. Although you were still angry, you let go of his wrist.

“Let’s just get your shit and get out of here. Wh-When are you gonna get out of that body, anyway?” You asked.

“Eh, when I find another one. I mean, I would've jumped at the cemetery, but all those meat suits were a little too, uh, you know, wormy. Difficult to blend, if you will.” Belphegor droned on.

“Yeah...sure.”

“So, uh...who was...he, anyway?”

You turned to him but continued walking. “What?”

“Well, I know he was your boyfriend and all but uh...who was this kid?” He curiously asked.

You hesitated before answering.

“His name was Jack. He was a lot of things. To the boys he was their kid. Kinda. But to me,” You swallowed. “He was important. My love, my light, my everything. And now he’s gone, with you inside his corpse.”

The demon could see the emotion in your eyes, even if you did try to keep a straight face, Belphegor could see what you were truly feelings.

“Oh. Uh...sorry.”

You shook your head and carried on.

“So, what do you need for this spell?

“You know, nothing much. Big bag of salt.”

“Easy.”

“And a...and a human heart.”

You physically groaned. You really need a break from death.

-

You exited the convenience store with a huge bag of rock salt. Turning to your left, you entered an alleyway where Belphegor was leaning against a brick wall. He noticed you coming toward him and brushed off his vessel’s clothing.

“Here’s your salt.” You said, handing him the bag.

“I’m going to call Dean about the heart. Maybe he knows a way to get one.”

You grabbed your phone from your pocket and began to search for Dean’s number in your contacts until you saw Belphegor staring at you. For a moment, he reminded you of Jack and his innocent gazes.

“Is there a problem?” You asked. He shook his head.

“No, no, it’s just...you’re very popular in hell.”

“I am?” You asked, pretty curious.

“Yeah. I mean, you may not be Winchester famous but still really well known.” The demon affirmed.

“And how exactly am I “well known” among Hell? I’ve been with the boys for almost eight years now and no demon has ever told me that I’m popular.”

“Kevin Tran, duh. He always talks about you, talks about how you were his best friend and how much he missed you- god he was so whinny.”

You stared at the demon with a blinking look, not sure if you had hear him correctly.

“K-Kevin? Kevin Tran?” You wanted him to confirm. He nodded.

“But God said- Chuck said he was going to Heaven. Kevin is supposed to be in Heaven!” You fumed, getting angrier by the second.

First that son of a bitch messed up your lives for his own entertainment, then he kills Jack, and now apparently he didn’t even send your old best friend to Heaven like he said he would! That lying bastard.

“I’m going to fucking kill that bastard of a writer.”

“Woah, woah, chill. Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to be calm! My best friend is in Hell!”

Your breathing started to pick up, your mind clouded by anger and you paced back and forth in the ally way. You didn’t even notice Belphegor come up to you and grab you by the shoulders.

Not really knowing anything else to do, Belphegor lifted your chin and smashed his lips onto yours. Your eyes widened in surprise and didn’t even have a chance to respond to the kiss. Because he was using Jack’s body, he tasted like him, felt like him and even the way he held you felt like Jack. For a moment, you forgot that it wasn’t Jack in his body, it was a demon.

After feeling you not freaking out anymore, Belphegor let you go and stared you in the eyes, you staring at your shocked reflection in his sunglasses.

“You calm now?”

You weren’t even thinking anymore. It had felt like forever since you kissed Jack, and even though your mind knew it wasn’t him, your body still craved for his touch again. Without even thinking, you forced your lips back onto his.

Belphegor responded almost immediately, kissing you with just as much passion as you did. His kisses were different, not the soft and sweet kind that your Jack and you always shared. No, this was different, what you felt was true lust and roughness.

You felt him push you up against the brick wall he was leaning against and you could feel his hips grind into yours. You moaned into the kiss, feeling Belphegor’s smirk against your lips. One of his hands found their way from your hips and almost up your shirt.

The hot and heavy kiss had only lasted for a while until Belphegor let your lips go. His stupid and cooky smirk was plastered on his face.

“Come on, we got a bunch of souls and ghosts to seal into this town, right?”

The demon walked past you and out of the alleyway, standing at the end and waiting for you. After everything that’s happened to you in the past couple of days, you managed to make a tiny smile at him.

-

Later, after calling Dean, you told him about the heart you needed for the spell and he suggested you going to morgue. You and Belphegor walked down the empty street, heading to your destination.

“So...about that heart.” He brought up the subject again.

“On it. Dean said that we could probably just head down to the morgue.”

You saw the demon shrug and scrunch up his face.

“Hmm. Fresh, it'd be... it would be better.”

You were about to answer when a man screaming in the distance caught your attention. Immediately, you ran towards the sound with Belphegor following behind you. You went down the street and around the corner to see the town’s sheriff laying on the ground, dead.

You kneeled down to the body and saw a closer look to his neck. There were deep scratches that cut deep and blood drained from his body onto the pavement.

You internally gagged, but managed to keep it down and covered your mouth with your hand. Belphegor wasn’t very affected from the dead man on the ground.

“Hmm, cool.”

You looked up to him with a weirded out face, he just shrugged as if it was nothing. Then again, he was a torturer in Hell for thousands of years.

“Fuck...”

“Yeah. Yeah, poor guy.” Belphegor said with no sympathy at all.

He leaned down toward the body and pushed his hand into the man’s chest, you backing away in disgust and shock. Belphegor pulled out a fresh, bloody heart and showed it to you.

“Well, I got a heart,” Bel smirked and held the organ out to you. “I would give it to you but-”

“I don’t care.” You deadpanned.

He raised his hands up in defense.

Suddenly, the air around you turned cold and when you exhaled, your breath turned white. You knew what this was, a ghost was near.

“We need to move. Now.” You commanded the demon until you heard a voice from behind you.

“Can you take me home?”

You turned around to see the woman in white that Sam and Dean had told you about, the first hunt they went on that started them on this journey together. She whipped her hand out and you went flying towards a nearby dumpster and some boxes.

You took a moment to breath and saw the woman walking towards Belphegor, ready to attack him. The demon backed away, still carrying the heart.

“O-Oh, hey. Look, okay?” He stammered, putting his hand out in front of him.

“Bad ghost! Bad!”

She once again swiped her hand at his lifted hand and created deep scratches into his palm. He winced at the pain and held his hurt hand close to his chest.

Just as the woman was about to pounce on him, you quickly grabbed an iron pole from the boxes and swung at the ghost with all your might. She disappeared right away but you knew she would be back.

“Bel, spell, now. Let's get the salt.”

After running back to grab the salt you had left in the alleyway, you grabbed it and poured it all into a large pile in the middle of the now deserted street. Belphegor then set the dead man’s heart in the center of the salt.

“We good?” You asked.

“We’re good.”

He stood firmly and began to chant the spell. 

“Animi...infernorum...spiritus abyssi surrecti...defigo...vos intra confinia. Vinciamni!”

As the salt and heart began to glow red, Belphegor set his hand firmly into the street in front of the ingredients. A powerful wave washed over the whole town then everything went back to being quiet once more.

-

After meeting up with the boys, along with a mom and her young daughter, you all rode back into the high school to drop off the little family. There wasn’t enough space in the backseat of the impala so you kind of just ended up sitting on top of Belphegor’s lap.

Dean stopped the car in a parking spot and him, along with his brother, turned to face the five of you in the back.

“So, what now?” The mother asked.

“Okay. You two go inside. We'll take care of the town.” Sam told them.

“And maybe don't tell anybody about the whole ghost thing.” Dean added.

“Or the angel thing.” Cas said, looking towards the girl and her mom.

“Yeah, that... that might freak them out.”

Belphegor scoffed from beneath you. “Uh, might?”

You elbowed the demon in the stomach, causing him to groan in pain. You then smiled softly towards the two.

“You’ll be okay, stay safe, alright?”

The mother and daughter left the car and you finally were able to get off of Bel’s lap. It was pretty uncomfortable for you but obviously, Belphegor had enjoyed every bit of it.

Dean drove off to the middle of the parking lot and stepped out of the car, everyone already had gotten off as well. He walked up to you standing next to Belphegor.

“Good to know that the spell worked. He cause any trouble?” Dean questioned, nodding towards the demon who just waved at him.

You looked at Bel then back to the tall man and shook your head.

“No. No, not really. Surprisingly, Bel is pretty okay for a demon. He can’t replace...”You stopped for a moment. Then you remembered the kiss in the alleyway, feeling guilty. “He didn’t cause any trouble. We’re fine.”

Dean looked suspiously between you and Belphegor but nodded and walked over to Cas. You turned over to the demon who was leaning against Baby.

“Bel, what happened in the alleyway...that can’t happen again. I-I mean, I just lost Jack and I can’t-”

Belphegor interrupted you before you could continue.

“Calm yourself, sweetheart. What happened in the alleyway can be our little secret, all right?” He raised his eyebrow in a sly manner, making you slightly giggle, something you haven’t done in a while.

“Our secret.”

You saw his left hand and remembered how the woman in white did some damage to it. You held your hand out so you could take a closer look at it.

“Let me look at your wound.”

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I’ve been through worse.”

“Don’t care. Give me your hand.” You persisted.

Belphegor sighed and lifted his hand to allow you to grab it. You looked over the three deep scratches in his palm and bit your lip in slight disgust. You dropped his hand.

“Let’s clean that up.”

You grabbed some supplies from the Winchester brothers since they were fixing up Sam’s almost infected bullet wound. Taking a piece of bandage, you cleaned up Bel’s scars then wrapped his hand.

“You really care about me, don’t you?” He teased, cockily.

You scoffed.

“You’re in Jack’s body, I don’t anything happening to yo- it. You’re still a body stealing black-eyed bitch, Bel.”

-

A/N: Oh my god, it’s like 7am and I have been up working on this since 1am. I really need food and sleep. Stay safe, loves!

Lemme know if you wanna be tagged in my Supernatural stories!

Someone messaged me and asked me if I could tag them but I completely forgot who so whoever messaged me, please do it again so I can add you!

TAGGED:

@shortwinchester​

@coltcas​

@urlaslongasafalloutboysongtitle​

#supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural x you #supernatural x y/n #supernatural x reader imagines #supernatural x reader imagine #supernatural imagine #supernatural x you imagines #supernatural x you imagine #supernatural x y/n imagine #supernatural x y/n imagines #dean #sam #castiel #Jack Kline #jack kline x reader #jack kline imagine #jack kline imagines #jack kline x reader imagine #jack kline x reader imagines #jack kline x you #jack kline x you imagine #jack kline x you imagines #jack kline x y/n #jack kline x y/n imagine #jack kline x y/n imagines #x reader #belphegor #belphegor x reader #belphegor spn

[aiden-png]

to celebrate the end of 2020, I’ve decided to share the highlights of the writing I did this year! I’m going to share a few of my favorite snippets from 2020, and I think this could be a fun tag meme to invite friends to join in on so they can appreciate their progress and hard work too! I couldn’t have written so much if it wasn’t for the great online community supporting me and all my wonderfully talented friends!!

I’m gonna tag @freshie-writes @silverdragon-imagines-blog @st0rmy-writes @fuckit-hero-of-trains @no-themes-just-memes @timeturner-jay and anyone else who wants to join in, feel free! you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but you all wrote amazing things this year and I’m gonna appreciate you for them!!

snippets below the cut (please do this or make a new post if you wanna join, just so we don’t flood everyone’s dashboard lol!)

it’s difficult to count for certain, but across 7 google docs from April to December 2020, I wrote 324,782 words just of Legend of Zelda fanfic! it’s been a crazy fun year and I think my writing has improved a ton since I started writing fic again in April! thank you all for supporting me through the last 9 months!! <3

here’s a highlight of some of my favorite excerpts from fics I wrote this year! Smoke on the Wind and Dream With Me are two of my favorite pieces I wrote this year for angst, while Four Feet of Pure Flirtation and Lessons in Love are my favorites for crack/fluff :D the other snippets are featured bc I’m proud of how the fics turned out !

Dream With Me: June 28, 2020 Legend and Hyrule sat on the beach, a mere two feet separating them. It felt like much more. Farther than they’d ever been apart before. The other heroes stumbled onto the sand, frozen in shock as they took in the scene before them. Legend, knife drawn and hands shaking dangerously. Hyrule, knees buried in the sand and hands held over his chest, trying desperately not to reach out again. The sun was rising, pinks disappearing into vibrant gold and crushed purple and bright blue. As dawn broke, their vision wavered. Hyrule gasped, Legend blurring before him, the sand beneath him fading, the roar of the waves diminishing. Magic hour was ending. “This isn’t a dream,” Hyrule whispered, and Legend’s shoulders shook with silent sobs. “I’m real. I’m here. Legend, come with me.” Hyrule stretched out his arm, fingers splayed, eyes begging. Legend flinched back, dagger slipping from shaking fingers. He stared, disbelieving. Vertigo consumed Hyrule’s senses, his vision clouding with black dots. “Take my hand, Legend!” Hyrule cried, and Legend jumped. He sprung forward, hand grasping. Hyrule felt nothing as Legend’s hand passed through his. “Hyrule!” He blinked, and found himself in an unfamiliar field, reaching towards sunrise.

Smoke on the Wind: August 7, 2020 Wind hadn’t always had this ability, but before his second adventure, before the ghosts became tangible to his skin and visible to his eyes, he still had a sixth sense of sorts to rely on. Back then he’d called it instinct, but now he called it a curse. It never helped him do better on his adventure, never showed him the way, never allowed him to prevent someone’s demise--only forced him to bear witness to it in all its excruciatingly gory detail. Some spoke of death like a mercy, others like a boon. Wind knew death like an old friend and he despised it with all the rage contained in his tiny body. Some feared death, some prayed for its delay. Wind feared no man, god, or figment of imagination. There was no reason to fear something he couldn’t prevent, there was no reason to pray to something that would never hear or listen. Some ran from death, some hid. Wind stared death in the eye and spat in its face. He thrust a magical fucking sword through its head and banished it to a watery grave.

Four Feet of Pure Flirtation: June 26, 2020 Maybe he should have shared just a tad bit more with them, but that was a regret for future Four to deal with. And really, he hadn’t been expecting it himself, so they couldn’t exactly blame him when Dark Link materialized in their camp one morning and sent Four’s heart racing in an unfamiliar-familiar way. Four felt the heat crawl up his chest, felt his tongue loosen, felt his eyes trail over Dark’s lithe form just a bit too slow to be innocent. No one had told him Dark was attractive. Although, Vio reminded him, we are the only ones attracted to villains. We are most decidedly not! Four shot back. The denial was empty. They most decidedly were.

Hero Through the Ages: June 19, 2020 Wild sighed, chin resting on his knees. He glanced over at Sky, feeling anxiety buzz within him as a question pushed at the back of his mind. “Hey, Sky… does the sword still recognize me?” Sky froze at the unexpected question, eyes searching Wild’s carefully schooled expression. Wild felt his anxiety rise but he held his ground as the older hero tentatively reached back and unsheathed the Master Sword. He closed his eyes for a moment, and Wild tried hard not to notice the new eyes on them as he waited for Sky’s response. He knew what the answer should be, but when the other slowly opened his eyes and held the sword out for Wild, it was still conflicting to feel the familiar weight of it in his hands. Not too heavy. Not burning. Perfectly at home, as if he’d just begun his adventure and still had many years left before the Calamity struck. Wild felt a pit in his stomach as he handed the sword back, Sky’s concerned gaze not helping. “How old were you when you pulled the sword?” Sky asked quietly, and Wild stared at his hands as they trembled slightly in his lap. “Too young.”

A Shower to Remember: July 4, 2020 Enter Twilight and Wild. TWILIGHT     I can see thee up th’re.     Come hither.     I simply wish to speak with thee.

Enter Legend to Shower Crashers. LEGEND     all’s well that ends well, I believe our plan hath been a success. cheers to thee all. FOUR     didst thou not see     Wild running     for his life not     a minute past? LEGEND     that is’t his problem, not mine.

Lessons in Love: July 9, 2020 The offer though, that’s what truly made Legend pause. Show you the ropes, he’d said. He should be insulted that Ravio thought he was that hopeless, but the man wasn’t wrong. Legend was absolutely, positively hopeless, evidenced by the situation he now found himself in. Should he say no and move on? Should he accept--and then what? Maybe he should laugh it off, say he was joking, or perhaps he should come clean now and tell Ravio how he felt? But he still didn’t know if Ravio felt the same, those dark eyes betraying nothing in the fading light of sunset. So, naturally, Legend continued to panic. “What do you mean by ‘show me the ropes’?” Legend asked, quick, defensive enough to pass as insulted. Ravio snorted, tasting the hot chocolate, and Legend’s eyes were drawn to his lips once more as if under a spell. “I mean no offense, Link,” Ravio laughed, seeming not to catch the blush on Legend’s face as Ravio used his name. “I just figured you might want some pointers. Flirting, hand holding, relationship advice, y’know? You don’t have to accept the offer by any means!” Flirting? Hand holding? Legend gulped. He was already an idiot. Maybe he could play dumb for a little while longer…

Scars: June 2, 2020 “I used to try and cover myself in public--I didn’t like the way people would whisper or stare when they saw. But eventually I came to accept the scars as part of me. I remembered how I got them, and I realized I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the journey that led to me getting these scars. And I like who I am…” Wild trailed off, sifting sand through his fingers as Warriors listened. “I’ve come to love my scars, because they hold such important memories for me. Even if some of the memories aren’t so great, I wouldn’t be who I am today without them, you know? And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Beneath the Surface: July 13, 2020 For the first few months he had lied to himself, blaming the others or the weather or Shadow or Vaati or anything rather than admitting he had a problem. But Blue did, in fact, have a problem, and fighting and yelling it out wasn’t the healthiest solution. For the others it was easy. Green had Vio, for Wind could rarely move Earth, and Red got along with everyone he was so full of love to give. But Blue wasn’t good at teamwork, he wasn’t good at strategizing, and he wasn’t good at showing affection--he was good at being angry, and that was it. He was the protector, the toughest of them all in strength and will; but when you’re always protecting others, no one protects you. Not like Blue made it easy for the others to approach him, and he didn’t blame them for giving up. They were all struggling, they all had their own issues, and while Wind was a gentle breeze and Fire a warming comfort and Earth a steady rock--Water was impossible to hold down. He was forever changing, flowing, and while it meant that he could adapt well to new situations, it also meant that every time he felt close to getting a handle on his emotions they would slip from his grasp once more. His magic ebbed and swayed and his emotions followed their tide, not his, and so he pushed others away rather than admit he couldn’t handle himself. If protecting them meant distancing himself, then so be it.

The Point of No Return: June 19, 2020 He turned back to Four, brushing the back of his hand across his cheek. He’d wanted to share a meal with his partner. He’d wanted to see Four’s small smile--just for him--as he tried Hylian food for the first, second, hundredth time. Long ago, they’d promised to travel the world together. Four wanted to share everything with him; wanted to show him the forge, wanted him to meet his Grandfather, wanted to take him to see the Minish. After the adventure, Four had promised. He’d be free to go and do whatever he wanted, right by Four’s side. Well, he was at his side now. And this was not what they’d promised each other.

A Major Test of Strength: May 7, 2020 Even being worthy of the Triforce of Courage didn’t mean he was brave enough to act on, or even think, about how he felt about Sidon. He reasoned it was better not to say anything, especially now. He was going off to a battle he may not return from. Even if he burned to know if Sidon felt the same, it would be selfish to ask knowing he may be leaving for the last time. Link would rather go to the grave with his feelings then leave Sidon alone with them. At least if he died before confessing, Sidon would be able to move on, he hoped. Sidon was his best friend, and that was enough for now.

#aiden writes #tumblr went down right as I was trying to post this oof! #now I can finally send this and tag all my friends ! #everyone is so talented and I hope you all know how much I love your work !!! #you deserve to hear how good it is and to feel proud of your accomplishments! #<3!!!

[jawritter]

You and Me..

Chapter 2

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!Jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chapter Warnings*** This chapter is pretty light. Mentions of death of characters parents, Jensen is a little bit of an ass, language, that’s pretty much it. 

Word Count: 2057

Pairing: Jensen Ackles X Reader, Jared x reader, OFC Steve x Reader, OFC Justin x Reader.

A/N: When I originally wrote this chapter I didn’t even know who Steve Carlson was, so the Steve in this story isn’t him lol. Oddly enough I wrote this before I even really knew he was making an album lol. Anyway, all mistakes are mine, please don’t copy my work, Feedback is golden. If you want to be added to the series tag list, or my tag list just let me know! I hope you enjoy this one. After this chapter things tend to start to pick up a little.

Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

You woke up, much like you do every morning, with the alarm clock going off obnoxiously on your bedside table.  Mornings were never your thing, but the bills weren't going to pay themselves. You rub your face hard, trying to force your eyes to focus, and your body to stay awake even though it was putting up one hell of a fight. It wants sleep, and you so desperately want to give it just that.

Finally, after about 15 minutes you roll yourself over and stand up next to the bed, looking around your messy room. You had just moved back to Austin not all that long ago. You had always lived in Texas in one place or another, but just one family vacation to Austin when you were a teenager and you were in love with the city. So as soon as you graduated high school you wasted no time in putting your application in for the University of Texas.

Much to your surprise, and a few others, you were accepted. You had wanted to major in either writing or music. Everything went great for about the first semester. Your grades were good. You worked nights at a local bar, much like a lot of your classmates,  and spent your days in classes. You had new made friends, and you were finally starting to get your foothold in life. Well, that's what you thought anyway.

At the end of your first semester of college, your mother was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. When your family called you moved back to your home town, dropping everything to be with your family. Your mother and you were very close. There was no way you were going to stay away while she fights this demon that they call cancer.

It was a long fight. Over and over again she defied the odds of the doctors and everyone around her. Still, after a long five-year battle she lost her fight with the disease. Once the funeral was over you knew it was way too late to go back to college. You had taken some online courses though, and gotten your degree in creative writing while you were at home taking care of your mother.

You and your father had never really gotten along, so staying home wasn't going to be an option. With all that in mind, you did the only thing you knew to do. You made the move back to Austin in the same month as your mother's funeral. Your father had over the years fallen into alcoholism. He'd always fought it, but after your mother's death, it only got the best of him. You weren’t going to stick around and watch him destroy himself.

Last year he straightened out a curve on the way home. He never survived the crash. Your brother had him cremated. He didn't even bother calling you, and telling you till it was all over. Your brother wasn't happy about you leaving home. He blamed you for your dad's struggle with the bottle after mom died, but that wasn't your fault. You didn't put a funnel in his mouth and make him drink. No one twisted his arm. He did it all on his own.

For the past three years, you had been renting an apartment in downtown Austin. It was a small, just a studio apartment, but it was all you needed. You had also landed a job at a small recording stupid in Austin. Even though you loved writing, and still did it on the side, you hadn't gotten your break yet. Music was your passion. It was what got you up in the morning, and helped you make it through the day. It was your therapy. Your outlet. Your escape from this shit existence that was your life.

You had slowly worked your way up In the studio. Starting with getting coffee, and cleaning behind the artist that came in to record. It didn't take long for Steve, your boss, to see that you had a good ear for music. He put you helping in the recording booth not long after you started.

Today you were informed that there would be a new local artist coming in to start his recording process and you were put on his beat. They didn't tell you his name, but they did say that you would probably recognize him. Even though he was local, he was famous, but they didn’t tell you who he was in order to keep rumors down the only one who knew who was coming was Steve. They made you swear not to tell anyone that he was recording, telling you that he wanted it to stay a secret until the album was done. That's why he chose a local recording studio instead of some big one in California.

As you walked to the studio this morning your nerves were vibrating. Justin, another sound tech that would be working with you today, greeted you at the door.

"You ready Y/N?" he asked, greeting you with a smile over his shoulder.

"Ready as I'll ever be," you tell him, putting your purse under the counter in the lockbox you all used and turning your phone on silent. No outside noises were ever allowed in the studio.

"Well I hate to put more on us than we already got, but there are two things you need to know before the artist gets here today. First, Jennifer, the girl that normally does the coffee, drinks, and whatever else the artist needs isn't going to be here today, her son has strep. Second, Steve will also be sitting in on today's session," he said, looking at you apologetically. 

You hated working with Steve. He was such a jerk when it came to recording time. He wanted everything done too quickly. Always in a rush to make a deadline instead of taking his time, and getting the best recording.

Jennifer being gone, and two other guys in the sound room with you means that you will most likely be stuck on snake detail for this artist, and whatever bunch of groupies he's bringing with him all day.

"Lovely,” you said with a sarcastic eye roll. Justin continued to look at you apologetically.  

“It's cool, let's just get this started. I'll get the recording room ready. How many are in his party today?" you asked, waiting for the answer that you dreaded the most.

"Only one other guy will be coming with him today from what I understand. Today is gonna be a lot of met and discuss. From what I understand there will be a guest singing on this album too. So it's probably a good thing Steve's gonna be here. If this guy is a prick then Steve can handle him." 

Justin's attitude toward the whole situation cracked you up. Apparently, he was just as excited about this as you were.

You walk into the recording room and begin to sit out beers, whiskey, water, and even start the coffee pot going in the break room. You walk back in the recording room and start sitting out shot glasses and other things when you heard voices coming your way. You look up in time to meet a pair of deep emerald green eyes staring back at you.

Your breath catches in your throat as you look around the room at all the men.

"I'm the only chick, great," you think to yourself, but there was something about the smirk on the man's face standing in front of you with the emerald green eyes that made your stomach do flips with a feeling you've never felt before.

He smiled at you and It nearly knocked you off your feet. Damn, this guy is gorgeous. That's when Steve decided to speak up.

"Y/N, this is Mr. Jensen Ackles, and his friend, Jared. Mr. Ackles has graciously chosen our stupid to record his debut album," Steve says, moving to stand beside Jensen.

You try to keep your jaw from hitting the floor as you take in the two actors standing in front of you. You had been a fan of Supernatural for years.

You nod at the two men. "It's nice to meet," you say, and they both smile back at you. Neither spoke, which you found odd. When you watched the con videos online they seemed so friendly.

"The room is ready, Steve," you tell your boss, then quickly as you can scamper into the sound room with Justin to wait for them to get started. 

You didn't really need to know what all they were doing. You just needed to make sure that whatever they were doing sounded good on tape.

"You alright Y/N?" Justin asks as you sit down in the chair with a huff.

"Yeah, That's Jensen freaking Ackles. I'm going to be working with Jensen freaking Ackles," you say in a state of shock.

"Easy girl, you know celebrities don't like to be fangirled all over," Justin says with a chuckle as he fires up the equipment and computers.

"I'm a professional Justin. I'm not going to fangirl all over anyone," you tell him with an eye roll. 

You watch as the men stand there and talk, pointing to different things. Steve getting Jensen ready to get started.

After a few hours of recording, and some drinks later Jensen, as well as Steve and Jared, had loosened up a little. Jared was in the sound room with you guys watching his best friend work. He was easy to talk to. During a break in recording while you were downloading the song he just recorded into the computer, Jared had been showing you pictures of his kids. He'd been cracking you all up with stories for the past hour.

"See this is Tom, trying to prank his little brother with a whip cream pie," he said, leaning over to you, showing you the video. That's when the two of you heard Jensen’s deep voice boom over the monitors.

"Hey, Steve, tell your girl in there to stop flirting with a married man, and go bring me some fucking coffee."

The whole room turned to look at you. Jensen was still sitting in the recording room with a guitar in his lap, giving you a cold stare through the thick glass. The comment stung. You weren't his damn maid, and you weren't flirting with a married man. Steve gave you an apologetic look. You knew you had to play along. Jensen was paying them a lot of money. So if he wanted you to shine his shoes while he sang you had to do it.

"Right away Mr. Ackles," Steve said, giving you a look that screamed, “I'm sorry.” 

Jared was giving his friend a death glare that Jensen didn’t seem to notice, or at least didn’t care.

"I'm sorry Y/N, he's just been a little on edge lately. That's not normally Jensen," Jared apologizing for his friend as you stand to go get his coffee for him.

"It's fine," was all you can say. 

In truth though, you felt like he'd just ripped your heart out and stomped on it. Not to mention humiliated you in front of your boss and coworker.  You fought back tears as you poured his coffee and entered the recording room.

You handed him his coffee, not even looking at him. He snatched it out of your hand, not even looking at you or saying thank you. You thought you had a crush on this guy. Turns out he's an ass hole like every other celebrity and artist you'd ever meet. Just another cocky dick that thought his shit didn’t stink.

Watching him on Supernatural and Smallville had gotten you through some really hard times in your life. You would have never thought he’d have done anything like he just did to you. You always pictured him as such a nice, genuine guy. Man, were you ever wrong.

You made your way from the recording room to the front where you kept your purse under the counter and shot Steve a text that said you weren’t feeling good, and you had to go home. Which wasn’t totally a lie, because your heart was broken, and you couldn’t stop the wave of tears that were streaming down your face.

You didn’t know why that one man’s opinion had hurt so much. You didn’t know him, and he didn’t know you, but as you fell back through the doors of the apartment you felt like your heart was shattered into a thousand pieces.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[spitandfroth]

My Psychedelic Journey

Why take mushrooms? 

What do they do to you? 

I want to explain why I take them, my reasoning is not for everyone if anyone else at all! We all have our reasons. 

So, Since being 16 i have taken drugs, started on pills, then coke and onwards. I had a coke & speed addiction for a 2-3 year period and often relapsing. I had consciously not taken psychedelics as i have known I've been mentally ill since being 20 and being diagnosed and given Prozac at that age. I was wary that i would have bad trips or i would be stuck on a trip. I just felt the risks were too high, especially taking medication and all the other drugs. Pretty sure i took LSD one night at a party was these green things and i was off my nut, i was in a different reality and i was quite honestly scared. i went skinny dipping in November at Great Yarmouth beach! So yeah it was a weird thing to happen and to this day can't remember what these pills/little plastic-looking things were or what i did with them, literally can't remember if it was paper or a pill. they were just in a bowl with all the other drugs. 

I digress, several years later, I’d been clean maybe 1-2 years of all substances including weed, well maybe the odd joint but we moved somewhere we couldn't find a supplier! So we would have to make a 2-hour drive down to manchester just to pick up but eventually decided it wasn't worth the money in fuel. We were also skint which didn't help matters. We eventually found a supplier of weed and met new people who like us, liked drugs. We started sessioning on anything and everything. Mainly research chemicals as they were cheap and plentiful. m-kat hadn’t be criminalised at that point so we were importing large amounts of it. My friend, Xander decided to start making his own drugs. We were all sceptical about it but we trusted him. He made LSE(?) which is pretty much LSD but i think weaker, that trip was a nightmare as i spoke to my boyfriend just before the trip and i hadn't hung up and he heard me slagging him off...Anyway, moving on lol He made DMT one day, took ages. We had enough for the 3 of us who wanted to do it and my god, it's a short trip but it changed my way of thinking forever. I may revisit the DMT experience later. We did DMT a fair few times before i abruptly moved out as i ended the relationship with my boyfriend. 

Now i did some research online, it wasn't as fruitful in results as it is today, we are talking 10 or so years ago. So came across mushrooms and some scant info on where to find them and how to take them. I went for a walk with the dogs, we lived in the middle of nowhere, 1500 ft above sea level (lived on top of hartside) and by a river and lots of sheep. Anyway, i started looking in sheep fields and soon realised that the fields were full of them! I would collect enough for a few doses at a time and dry as much as possible. I was taking shrooms 3-4 times a week including at times DMT. 

So we’ve got to where i am taking them, i best explain why and what the effects were. 

To be honest i took it as an escape. My relationship was a nightmare, he made me feel like death was my only escape. I had spoken to friends who had used psychedelics and they thought it might help me feel better. I had started being in pain a lot too at that point but not medicated for it. I was still taking meds but when planning i stopped taking them the day before. As Psilocybin is affected by SNRI’s. That applies to most drugs though tbh. it gives you a very high tolerance, you have to take more to feel it. Which could result in serotonin syndrome. 

I wanted to search deeper inside myself, i had been interested in Buddhism and Krishna consciousness for maybe a year at that point and i saw it as a way of speaking to god. to confirm to myself that he existed. What i got was a revelation. 

So using it so regularly means i can't remember each trip but i can give you what i learned and saw from those experiences. 

I would take maybe 10g (its rough but 6 cup teapot with a handful of shrooms in) of fresh shrooms in tea. Tasted rank but get it down you! Then wait, and it is a waiting game!  

I would sit cross-legged, often by the log burner, just close my eyes, listen to music and i would feel calm. A completely blissed feeling. An inner peace. I could see patterns and colours, swirling great vortex’s of colours and light. If i opened my eyes the patterns and colours overlayed the room and i would just forget i was in the room. I would see parts of my past, like showing me it wasn't my fault, that i should let go of trauma. I saw my present and it was like looking at my brain, black, covered in clouds and dying. If i touched it then there was a flash of colour. I saw the energy of the universe in front of me, glowing and pulsating in front of me, my heart beating with it, a feeling of supreme power came over me like i had been recharged. I was seeing my future, i saw the love i am capable of giving and receiving. It showed that my empathy wasn't a weakness and showed i was a good soul, It made me think deeply on experiences and learning from them, it cleansed me, it rewrote who i was. All hate drained from me. At peace with myself and others. The visuals were amazing, you can't describe it, you cant show the colours on a palette, you cant imagine the scale of this place. It truly was an amazing thing to do with my life for a year. 

So it showed me a different me and overtime i morphed into that person. Today i am still hugely empathetic towards people. I have a kind and calm nature. I don't hold onto hate & i respect myself more. 

However, i have decided i need to revisit the energy, i need its healing and recharging. I want to journey further and this time i get to do it with someone i love, my sister. She’s used drugs infrequently for a few years but like me, she has mental problems and wants to try shrooms more holistically than just ‘getting high’ and she thinks i can do that with her. I will be there to look after her, to experience everything with her. I want her to get to where i did and she sees life differently. That she grows as a person. It will be a very special journey that i get to be a part of.

So we reach the end of my epic. I hope you read it and enjoyed it. Maybe learn something, understand it better, i don’t know but most of all it's out there. Sharing experiences are a solid way of learning and getting to know someone. 

Enjoy your mushrooms, be safe & enjoy your trip <3 

#pyschedelic #pyschadelic #psychedelia #shrooms #mushrooms #magic mushrooms #magic truffles #getting high #breaking through #tripping #drugs #high on drugs #growing as a person #god #energy #mushroom picking #liberty caps #psilocybin #shpongle #hang drum

[seventhfracture]

q. 3, 16-19, 26, 28, 32, 34-36, 38, 40, 44, 51, 53, 58, 66, 73, 85, 96, 97, 100 please? (feel free to not answer, I'm aware these are way too many questions but consider! I had to choose from 100 when I just wanted to ask `em all- again no pressure to answer all of these)

TUMBLR FUCKED UP THE NUMBERS FORGIVE ME

1. Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? That presumes everyone wants someone. Which I don’t think is true. If you do want someone… well there at what? 9 billion people? Statistically your odds of finding someone are pretty good. But if you want something you can’t just want it. You have to take steps to make it happen. And that might mean compromise or action.

2. Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? I think a lot of pressing social issues started as a “theoretical ethical debate” in one circle or another. “Should we free the slaves?” was definitely a thought experiment before it was a reality. If we go real obtuse like “What if reality is a simulation, does that change anything?” etc. Shit we can’t really know. Then I still think there’s interesting stuff to pull. And philosophy has contributed a lot to different parts of society. Thinking is good.

3. Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? Lol I think lots of people keep their imaginary friends in some way or another. “God” or “my roleplay blog” or “my online persona” or “my sexually dominating side” or “my OCs in my WIP” etc. etc. Whatever you call them I think its kind of natural?

4. Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I was raised a polytheist. I’m a form of Pagan in practice. I believe there are lots of gods. I don’t really bother with asking if another religion is “real” or not. If someone believes something, then that’s fine. But I think you should be prepared to argue your point. People use religious belief to justify stances all the time. So you should be prepared to argue why your religion is good or right if you’re going to use “well my faith says…” as your justification.

5. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? Religion is interesting, I could talk about it for ages, but I’m glad I’m not more religious. I think if I couldn’t take science into account when asking certain “should we/shouldn’t we?” questions that’d suck.

6. What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably to transition. I transitioned after high school. Which in some ways was a blessing but I got doctors, I changed all my documentation, I picked a new name, I had to come out to all my family, my work… It made me very happy but it was huge.

7. Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I believe in reincarnation but I think it’s natural to be scared of death. Frankly if I could avoid the gamble I’d rather live. Even if I’m just a brain in a jar. If I can be here that’s better than being nothing.

8. Was your childhood happy? Uhhhhh….?? Um…. Well—Uh—Next question.

9. What are you missing from your life? A way to make money doing things I’m passionate about. I’m still figuring that out.

10. Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? I knew someone who was very like me when I was a very different person. They were trash, I was trash, and I’m glad that 1) I changed and 2) we don’t speak anymore. I was a fucking psycho.

11. Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? Totally different in some ways. Exactly as planned in others. I’m happy, so who cares? I made the best decisions I could with what I had at the time.

12. What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? “Good” people do good things. Even if they think awful things. “I fed the poor, but I only did it to fatten my ego!” The poor don’t fucking care. They got fed. Likewise a person who has good thoughts but doesn’t act on them (aka “well I think gay folk aren’t hurting anyone, but God/my church say they’re against the bible so I guess—”) are bad people.

13. How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I lie a lot. I think you should. I think we should stop demonizing lying. Most people don’t care about your details. They just need the gist to get the job done. And if it doesn’t involve someone, they don’t deserve to know anything. It would be truthful to tell your landlord you got a promotion, but they’re not entitled to that information. You should be as honest as you feel comfortable being. Even if that’s not very honest at all. And, yes, there are consequences. You have to deal with those.

14. What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? One question? Oh man that’s hard… probably “who do you love most?” Because do they answer themselves? Their partner? Their parents? There’s info in all the options.

15. Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? “Eat the Rich, literally” will not actually solve anything. But I think cannibalistic revolution has been overlooked too long as a viable option.

16. Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? Never. I mean you could argue we already have. Isn’t everything just an old story repackaged? Or an old song dressed up? I think the ‘when’ and ‘where’ something is released is as powerful as ‘what’ it is.

17. How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’?| My dear friend has a policy “do no harm, take no shit.” And I abide by that. I think you should care about people, I think all life is improved when we improve the rights/conditions of others, but if you start shit I��m going to end it.

18. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? My country? Eeeeeh my country is flawed. My rights? My way of life? My home? Yeah, sure. It’s not about the flag.

19. Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I think I got pretty damn lucky. My life would be MUCH harder if even one of those factors was altered. Yeah, I’m trans but it could be waaaay worse.

20. Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? People are usually a lot nicer about me than I am to myself. I like that. Generally, I like myself too but it’s not always easy. More than once my relationship with my body or mind has been purely antagonistic.

21. Are you overly analytical? I guess? I have too many opinions lol. Things would be simpler if I cared less.

22. What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? I’m a Pagan. And I hate the “these essential oils cure cancer!” stuff but I definitely believe you can curse someone. And I get that’s a little crazy lol.

[daddysfangirls-marvel]

Polyamorous: Nicknames

Steve Rogers x reader x Bucky Barnes, Stucky x reader

warning: 

The First kiss |  The first touch | Moving In | The day they left for war | Found you | The day Stark found out | Big Change | The Train | The Plane | Alone | Unfortunate sequences of events | I know her | The Resturant part 1 | The Resturant part 2 | It’s me | You can keep her | He’s okay with that | Mama loves me | Kissing Captain | Kissing Winter | Healing | Hurt | We’ll Wait | Memories | Prude | Whore | Put in her place | The day Stark Jr. Found out | Now you know |  Nursing | Like a Virgin | Morning After | The Catacombs | Off with her head | Grieving the Insane | Let me make it up to you | Punishment | Spiderling pt1 | Spiderling pt2 | Twentieth-century love | The new we can imagine | Connection | Please, marry me | Walk me | Stand with me | Final touches | I Do | Honeymoon | A moment of Paradise | Pictures from Paradise | The Fever | The bad days | Let’s talk about it | Practice makes perfect pt1 | Practice makes perfect pt2 | Seed | Unknown Stolen | unfulfilled Duties | Talking Emotion | Next Step | Holy Shit!! | First steps to hope | She’s Awake | Nicknames

"Hello, Sleeping Beauty" (Y/n) said. For the past week the young girl had been gathering up her strength, and quite quickly too. She was no longer malnourished or dehydrated and all her medical exam had turned out good she was eating solid foot now. They discovered that she didn't have a name but she was identified by a number 285214, although no one called her that and came up with nicknames. Seeing as Bruce and (Y/n) came in the most they came up with the nicknames such as Little Miss, Little Flower, Sleeping Beauty, Pretty Penny, Little Lady, and Mini. They could never agree of decided on just one. Bruce assisted (Y/n) with her medical stuff and they took turns bringing up different meals breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack.

Although others did try to visit her it didn't really work as she didn't give much of a reaction to them just Bruce and (Y/n). And you can't really interrogate someone who didn't talking. But Bruce and (y/n) could make her smile.  "This morning we have for you strawberry pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Stevie made the pancakes cutting up strawberries and but into the batter and Bucky Bear made the eggs and bacon." she said placing the tray in front of her she saw her raising an eyebrow. " My husbands giant teddy bears they are. My big old cinnamon rolls, really" she giggled a bit.  She motioned to the plate in front of her " oh no, I already ate. I had to wake up early for work so I ate then. This is for you. Eat up" (Y/n) rambled on about different things each of the avengers, Tony's parties, her last shopping trip, she talked about just about everything while she ate and listen patiently. She enjoyed (y/n)'s stories they were crazy with bizarre endings to each of them. She looked up when she realized (Y/n) has stopped rambling and now was silently looking at her with just straight up adoration. She looked at her with a look of confusion but she just smiled  "Ya know Hydra had me once.... they wiped my memory , changed me, and used me as a weapon. But then they got bored of me I was no longer of you and sold me of to the strange woman who was just as bad as them.  She didn't take my memories she tortured me, made me hurt others... but that woman took care of me pampered me, loved me then threw me to the dogs then she'd come pick me up and love me some more. A shitty cycle is what it was." Even now the thought of Her brought unwanted feelings she couldn't even say her name.  "But then the Avenger found me and they took me in and they took care of me and they showed me what real love was and how wrong she was and that I could be so much more than what she made me. I am, I'm a nurse now. I help people I heal them. … I've been here for four years, I have a super family, and two amazing husbands. Hydra doesn't control me anymore. I'm part of this beautiful family and I'd like you to be a part of it too."  (Y/n) reached forward still smiling and gave her hand a gentle squeezes she stood up and gave her a gentle forehead kiss. Gathering her plate she moved to leave the room.  "18" (Y/n) stopped as a new voice spoke. It was a bit rough and raw like they hadn't used it in months and quiet like they weren't really trying to be heard and might have actually been trying to whisper. (Y/n) turned around slowly and looked at her. "18?" she nods and points to herself "18" "You're a big girl aren't you". (Y/n) didn't bother telling the girl she already knew her age, reading it in her file. This was a special moment the girl's first word in a very long time, the first words for anyone outside of Hydra to hear.  "well, Little Miss 18, how about after lunch I come back and we do some online shopping. Can't stay in hospital gowns forever." blowing her a kiss she left the room all giddy.  - "GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT!!" (Y/n) shouted as she barged into Steve's office interrupting Steve and Bucky who were making out on the couch. She didn't even bother joining them out the couch popping a squat right in front of them on the floor. She looked like a child sitting in front of their parents waiting for something amazing.  "I was going to guess chicken butt but I don't think that's the right answer" Bucky said as he smiled down at her. "What is it, sweetheart?" Steve asked much more patient and kind  "18" she said as if it was the most amazingly and exciting thing in the world she bouncing on her knees as she waited to tell them more. Steve waved nod telling her to go on. " Her first words. I was leaving the room and she stopped me she said 18. That's her age she told me her age. Do you know what this means?" "That she's 18" Bucky said she ignored his comment and climbed on to Steve's lap.  "It means she getting comfortable with me. She's starting to trust me sooner or later we'll be having full sentences and then she'll be talking freely and she'll trust all of us and then she'll be one of us joining our family"  "That's good. But speaking of family you haven't got that blood test done yet have you talked to Bruce about it" Bruce had already taken DNA samples from her he just never opened the results leaving everything a mystery for everyone including himself.  "No, why does it matter? She's is ours either way." "... you're right. I talked to Tony we can move her in with us next week." Steve said as he gave her a gentle kiss on the nose.  "That's good. I was going to take a tablet with me later and do some online shopping with. We should by stuff for her room you know run up Tony's bills" " He's a billionaire I don't think he'll notice" Bucky laughed as he set and example by buying a set of new knifes online from his phone to prove his point.  "Do you think she will like living with us?" (Y/n) asked her excitement and joy slipping away revealing some anxiety.  "Honest answer, nope" Bucky said starting with the brutal truth " She's still recovering. Don't let this one word fool you she'll still be with drawn she still won't completely trust us and I wouldn't be surprised if the girl was looking for a way to escape right now. She left Hydra what nearly two weeks ago she isn't better she just see that you aren't that big of a threat. She isn't settle, better, or recovering yet. She's simply observing.... (Y/n) how long did it take you to completely trust me and Steve?" "... little over a month." "How long did it take you to get comfortable with all the others?" "Six months" "How long did it take you to get over Katlen Vladimir, Mama?" "Bucky!" "answer the question" Steve could feel (Y/n) tense up and slowly curl herself into his lap. He didn't know where this conversation was heading but he didn't like it. "Over a year" "year and a half to be exact. And that was with our help that was with our memories constantly resurfacing everyday.  She doesn't have memories outside of Hydra it's going to be harder and take longer for her to feel safe with us." Bucky didn't mean to scare or upset her he just didn't want her to get her hopes up thinking everything was going to be okay when okay was a long ways down the road. " I love you and I don't mean to upset you" Bucky said and he took (Y/n) from Steve's lap and into his. "it took Steve a couple of years to get here and honestly I didn't make it this far until you came along. It's going to take time with her too. I'm not say don't try I'm saying be cautious." "she needs our help" (Y/n) said  "But, does she want it?" - She was sitting alone scrolling aimlessly on the tablet. (Y/n) came in and gave her the tablet showed her how to use it then left apologizing saying she had a meeting to attend. (y/n) was a kind woman and was always willing to keep her company she liked her very much. She didn't know why but she felt very connected to this woman and wanted to spend more time with her. She felt safe and at home with this woman and she didn't know why.  "Hey, Hey" Bruce knocked on the door gently getting her attention as he slowly entered " I see (Y/n) stopped by and gave you the tablet. How has shopping been?"  She gave him the tablet showing him her cart so far she only had six things. "You know all this is going to be charged to Tony Stark and he's a billionaire. You can go a bit crazier with the spending he won't notice." she giggled a bit as he smiled. "Have you thought about picking a bedspread or something else from your room?" she looked up at him confused " Did she not tell you? Next week you'll be moving in with (Y/n) and her husbands. That's the main reason she gave you the tablet so you could buy things for your new room silly."  "BRUCE!!!"  (Y/n) shouted as she walked in and heard him talking to her "It was suppose to be a surprise. How dare you ruin my surprise." stomping over towards Bruce she flicked his forehead then continued to scold him for ruining her surprise which she hadn't even started fully planning for. Bruce just shrunk into himself and tried to hide his smile because honestly (Y/n) wasn't scared her angry was just cute. This little lady was doing horrible opening smiling and laughing.  "You shush Missy. And you Mister go stand in the corner that's your punishment." "But I have to work-" "I don't care two minutes in the corner. NOW"  with a pout the famous Doctor Bruce banner with seven PhD's and the beholder of the Hulk slugged over and shuffled his way into the corner in like a child. " Now you. The surprise is already ruined how about we looked at the things you've already bought and add to that." "Moving?" (Y/n) was a bit giddy hearing her speak again but she held her composure and remained ya know an adult, even though on the inside she was so excited and wanted to jump up and down.  "Yes, you can't stay in this room forever. It's a hospital room. All white. It smells like medicine." she made a face of disgust " You'll have your own room on my husbands and I's floor. You'll be able to decorate it as you please. It'd be yours" "Until?" "Until you don't want to live with us anymore. You're always welcomed with us."

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[searchingforenadi]

please stop bleeding on the floor

well, this is it, guys - this fic is here to stay, so join me on this disastrous ride!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

the brief summary: Your customers won’t stop bleeding in your shop. You realize this might be a problem. (second person!OC, TYL).

xiii.

You spend the next few days finding as many creative ways as you can to use up the fruit: fruit smoothies, fruit jam, candied fruit, fruit cake.

You are now sick of seeing fruit wherever you go.

A pair of customers walk through the front door. It’s Tsuna, you notice, and a young teenage boy with a riot of dark curls. 

“Hi,” you greet, giving a polite nod. The teenage boy saunters ahead to check out your display of sweets. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Tsuna smiles, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, nice to see you too.”

“Hey, Tsuna!” the teenage boy calls, pointing eagerly to one of your cakes. “I want this one!”

Tsuna rolls his eyes and says, a little fondly, “Sure, that’s fine.”

You walk over to the display. He’s pointing to your raspberry cake - a new addition from your surplus of fruit. 

“Slice or whole?” you ask, and it’s a good business choice because suddenly, the teenage boy whips his head to Tsuna. 

“Tsuna - “ he begins pleadingly. 

“Slice,” Tsuna says firmly, ignoring how the teenage boy wilts in response. 

You give a sympathetic look. It’s not easy being young and fifteen. 

Feeling a little more generous (and petty, you are definitely feeling a little petty), you add an extra slice in the to-go box. 

“It’s on the house,” you say, handing the box over. The teenage boy accepts it with wide eyes.

“You don’t have to - ” Tsuna begins to say, only for his young companion to cry out -

“Yes! Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” you say, because teenagers are some of your best customers, and you're banking on this one coming back sometime soon. 

You turn to Tsuna, as if the past few minutes never happened, and ask, “And for you?”

He smiles resignedly, waving a hand back and forth. “I’m okay, thank you.”

“What?” the teenage boy asks, aghast. You take the offered cash and hand back some change. “You’re not getting anything?”

“I already told you, Lambo,” Tsuna says, huffing. “Dessert here is too heavy for me.”

Heavy? 

“Heavy?” you repeat aloud, unable to stop yourself. 

Tsuna pauses.

“That,” he says slowly, eyes moving to the side. “Is not what I meant to say.”

Lambo snickers behind his box of cake. 

You don’t question any comments made over your products, you remember, and the violation of your rule has you scowling. 

“I mean,” Tsuna continues, a hand moving to tug at the tie around his neck. “I”m used to lighter snacks, since I’m from Japan, and the food there is really different - ”

“Not to say that it’s bad here,” he adds on. “I’m sure everything is really delicious and - ”

“Tsuna,” Lambo says, a gleeful look in his eyes. “You’re rambling.”

“Right,” Tsuna says, somehow a meter farther away than before. He inches closer to the door. “I’ll be outside, Lambo.”

And then he’s gone.

In that silent pause, you decide that today, you have obviously failed as a business owner.

(But you know exactly what he’s talking about. You’ve grown up on tiramisu and red bean mochi because your parents used to haphazardly stuff everything into your mouth.

The reminder makes your chest ache and your stomach growl. You haven’t had taiyaki in years.) 

“Ugh,” Lambo says, rolling his eyes. “Why is he always like that?”

You very pointedly do not comment on this conversational trap.

“Stop by sometime,” you tell him instead. “We have specials every day.”

Lambo beams, clutching the box of cake like it’s a lifeline, and that’s when you know you’ll be seeing him soon. “Got it!”

He waves goodbye and you wave back. When the door closes shut, you sigh, viciously mussing up your hair. 

There is a lull of quiet. You glance down at the counter, then to your display of desserts, full of decorated cake and bread. 

“Heavy, huh,” you breathe out. 

You’ve spent years learning how to bake but you’ve never once learned how to make anything from your mom’s home country. 

You stare at the counter.

I don’t need to do anything, you think, tapping your fingers on the counter top. It was a harmless comment. 

You continue to stare.

Then, with a mutter of defeat, you grab a nearby notebook and pen.

This is probably a sign you should call your mom.

xiv.

You mom is, of course, delighted by your call.

“And what’s the occasion,” she says, in English, very pleasantly. “Are you getting married?”

“Mom, please,” you say. “I’m still in my twenties.”

“And those years will pass by as soon as you blink!” your mom insists. Suddenly, you feel eighteen again, standing against your parents to go to culinary school instead of university.

“I’m surrounded by old people, Mom,” you say instead, because ten more years have taught you the tactic of evade and conquer. “And little kids.”

For the briefest moments, your mind unhelpfully provides several examples of people your age, but you wave it away. The idea of seducing your regulars is so absurd, you hold back a snort.

“Sure, if that’s what you say,” your mom says airily. “Just keep your eyes peeled.”

Safe behind a phone, you roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Anyway, I’m thinking about - ” you pause to consider your next words. It doesn’t seem wise to mention that you feel challenged by a possible member of the local gang and his opinions on your products. 

“About expanding my horizons,” you finish, appropriately vague.

“Uh-huh,” your mom says. “Like?”

You shrug. “I realized I haven’t made a lot of the snacks we used to eat years ago. You know, like anmitsu, or dango, or - ”

“Or taiyaki,” she says wryly. “Yes, I know.”

It suddenly hits you that, just like these snacks, you haven’t really thought about the country your mom used to call home. 

Does your mom miss it? Does she miss Japan like you miss the States, a dull, aching feeling that you only remember in the early mornings? 

Is she upset that you’re here, in Italy, rather than there, in Japan? Has she ever mourned over how you can’t speak Japanese, but chased after Italian instead?

Does she feel like a part of her has forever been left behind?

“Right,” you say, swallowing. “I, uh, I want to try it out. Making them, I mean. I think it’d be fun.”

Your mom laughs, bright and clear.

“Why not?” she asks, and you can hear the approval in her voice. “I could ask your grandma for her recipe on mochi.”

Your nose scrunches. “Mochi? Mochi is so… difficult. I was thinking something easier, like, dango.”

“Sure, you can start there,” you mom says. “I’ll still ask her for the recipe. For dango, just look one up online.”

“Okay,” you say, flipping to a new page in your notebook and sketching out ideas. “I’ll send you pictures when I finish.”

“You should!” your mom says, another laugh bubbling through the speaker. “It’s good that you’re trying.”

You know she doesn’t mean anything by those words. Still, the sting in your chest is unexpected.

“Yeah,” you say, a little hoarsely. “I think it’s time I try a little more now.”

xv.

The recipe for dango calls for rice flour, and that’s a problem, because you don’t have any on you in the shop. 

You close for the day and rush to the closest food market - your hours don’t give you much leeway on weekdays.

By the time you return home, the sky is dark and your stomach is ready to riot. You scarf down a quick meal and, rolling up your sleeves, you march into the kitchen, ready to make some dango even if it kills you.

The first time goes terribly. You boil the dango for a little too long and, taking a bite, you make a noise of disgust. The consistency is too tough and you can still taste some flour.

You try again, mixing the ingredients, and remember when you used to eat dango on Saturday afternoons with your mom, when you went to the local Japanese market. 

When you try it again, the consistency is better but the dough is too bland. 

Your mind turns blank as you chase after the flavor from your childhood memories. By the time you're satisfied, you glance at the time and wince. You should have been in bed two hours ago.

You pack up the remaining dango and shuffle into bed - you can reassess the taste in the morning.

The next day, after setting up the shop and helping out several customers, you try out the latest batch of dango with a fresh palette.

It’s… decent. You pop in another one and realize the texture isn’t always consistent.

The realization that you are now a novice in a field of baking is grating. 

“I’ll get it right,” you mutter, to the absolute silence of your shop. “I’ll get it right and then they’ll all be sorry.”

xvi.

A few days later, after you’ve made more dango than you can count, a young teenage boy saunters through the door.

“Hi again,” you say, recognizing the wild set of dark curls. “You were here before, right?”

He grins. “That’s right. I’m Lambo, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,” you say with a smile. 

“We have fresh crepes today, with different fruits, if you’re interested,” you continue, pointing to the special today, written on the board above you. You’re nearly done with the fruit basket and you are determined to get rid of it all today. “There’s raspberry, strawberry, grape - ”

“Grape,” Lambo blurts out, hands gripping a backpack. “I’ll have the grape one.”

He pauses, then adds, a little sheepishly. “Please.”

Your smile widens.

“Crepe with cream and crushed grapes,” you say, accepting his crumpled cash. “You want that to-go?”

“Yeah,” Lambo answers, eyes already drawn to your counter of displayed pastries.

You hold in a laugh and get started on the crepe. A few minutes later, you wrap it up in plastic foil and pass it over. 

Lambo accepts it with gleeful eyes.

“Thank you!” he calls, already biting into the crepe. 

“No problem,” you say, wiping down your pan. “Stop by again sometime.”

“I will,” Lambo says, like it’s a promise, already halfway down with his crepe. “See you!”

You watch as he leaves the store, his gangly limbs walking past the windows. 

Out of nowhere, a terrible idea hits you.

You look down at your tupperware full of dango.

Provoking local criminal authorities, you remind yourself, is a one-way ticket to trouble.

You still can’t stop staring at your dango.

xvii.

That weekend, late in the afternoon, as you’re beginning to close, Yamamoto peeks his head through the front door.

“Sorry!” he says with a grin, a hand on the back of his head. “I’ll come back next time.”

You wave him inside.

“It’s okay,” you say, because you’re not going to turn away one of your pillars of revenue. Yamamoto enters the shop with a smile. “The usual?”

You pause when you get an actual good look at him.

“That would be great,” he says, as if completely ignorant of the tears in his suit and the dirt on his face. A nasty bruise is growing along his jaw, and his arms are carefully wrapped around his side.

Like every other time, you very quickly pull out the tiramisu cake. There’s enough for two more slices and, after a moment, you slide the entire thing into a larger box.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Yamamoto says, blinking, as he pauses from pulling out some cash. “I don’t think I have enough to cover all of that.”

“It’s on the house,” you tell him firmly, although you would rather ask him to go see a doctor rather than stroll by for some cake. 

Yamamoto tilts his head, eyes studying you, before he gives a bright smile.

“Thanks!” he says, taking the box and passing over the money. “I’ll try not to eat them all at - “

He abruptly turns to the side, a hand over his mouth, and lets out a cough. Something red hits skin, and onto your counter as well.

Yamamoto lowers his hand, and you both stare at the blood in silence.

You have several choice words. They begin with - again? - and end somewhere along - I am very tired of cleaning up after you and your suspicious friends. 

Instead, because you are very aware of the sword on Yamamoto’s back, you snatch several napkins and silently pass them over.

Yamamoto accepts them, a little bemused. 

“Thanks,” he says again, his voice slightly hoarse. His eyes glance down at the droplets of blood on your counter. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” you tell him, when, in fact, it probably isn’t okay because you’re fairly sure this is a sign of internal bleeding. “It happens.”

Yamamoto laughs, before quickly covering his mouth with the napkins. 

“I guess it does,” he says, readjusting the box in his hands. There are little specks of red on the case, and you can only hope Yamamoto won’t just leave them there. 

Yamamoto remains silent, for the briefest of moments, eyes trained on you, and smiles again. This time, it’s smaller - quieter. 

“I’ll see you later then,” he says, waving his free hand, before exiting the shop. 

You wave goodbye again and, as soon as the door closes shut, you release a heavy sigh.

Crouching down, you open the cabinet under the counter and pull out some rags and bleach. You shake the bottle and find, to your dismay, it’s nearly empty. You’re getting good at cleaning up blood. 

Minutes later, you stare blankly at your spotless counter.

You… are getting very good at cleaning up blood.

-o-o-o-o-o-

we were so close to having a chapter without any blood D:

this time, no Gokudera, but he’ll have his time soon enough. instead, we now have teenager!Lambo! 

our scenes today are a little more tame, but i wanted to expand on MC, to show that they’re their own person, with their own agendas/feelings. (who, also, is often motivated by pettiness and spite.)

#i need better tags for this fic #i don't know what to call it #hope you all enjoy! #katekyo hitman reborn #fanfiction #fanfic #sawada tsunayoshi #yamamoto takeshi #gokudera hayato #lambo bovino #searchingforenadi