#there are a few fart jokes here and there but honestly the rest of it is too tier

[gummy-axolotl]

Hey guys if you haven't seen Centaurworld please watch it it's really good

#i watched season one over a few days as soon as it aired #and i BINGED season two the day it came out #its literally such a good show #the songs are GREAT #and i love the character designs #the symbolism and stuff is really good too #especially in the finale and the whaletaur episode #the nowhere king is dope as hell #ALSO!! ITS SO FUNNY #the jokes are genuinely hilarious #there are a few fart jokes here and there but honestly the rest of it is too tier #it was made by people who care #it doesnt feel forced or like. overly corporate-y #if that makes sense #sorry to ramble in the tags for a million years #its just REALLY REALLY GOOD #and you should watch it #it is on netflix :3 #yaaaayyyyy #okay regular tag time #gummy says stuff #text post #talking in the tags #Centaurworld #netflix #fandom #show recommendations

[submissivegayfrenchboy]

15 / 09 / 2023

MAN OF THE DAY #76 : KJ APA #4

ANOTHER PROOF THAT KJ APA IS A KING!

I shouldn't have a particular reason to reminds you how much I worship the actor KJ APA, best known for playing Archibald "Archie" Andrews in the tv series RIVERDALE. Handsome, strong, kind, confident, clever, funny, protective, smiling, muscled, stylish but also cool, everything he says or do is exciting in my eyes. 🥵

Recently i discovered this pic and I had to tell what is amazing in it to my opinion.

This picture shows the gorgeous actor KJ Apa, about whom i wrote at least 3 MAN OF THE DAY articles and that i worship a lot! 😍

I don't know where / when this picture was taken. The god KJ Apa is wearing underpants, but that's not the one from the LACOSTE videoclip. Maybe on RIVERDALE's set? I don't recognize the room, but if that's what is happening, then it would be like in the story i wrote about KJ APA!

That also shows well how dominant he is! 😏

On the picture, two guys are kneeling at KJ APA's feet, their head on the same level than his alpha dick. KJ APA's hands are the guys's heads, as if they were his obedient sons or pets. He maybe is naked and them dressed, but by exposing his gorgeous body he shows how confident he is in his sex-appeal. 🥵

If you want to read the story i told you about, i advise you to read it on DEVIANTART.

In this story you'll see that i was inspired by KJ APA's video where he calls a guy working on RIVERDALE's set "boy", petting his head!

That's one of my favorite and most exciting / sadistic story. Please don't hesitate to read it.

It wasn't the first time KJ Apa shows how superior he is on the set of RIVERDALE.

Here you see him taller, muscler and sexier than the guys who works there but he still accept to take a picture with them, as a kind gesture, while showing his muscled body and putting his arm on the boy's shoulder as if this one was a human furniture. So alpha!

During the shooting of RIVERDALE's last season (I'll soon tell you what i thought of the ending), there was also this picture where you see Kj Apa resting his godly feet on his co-star Casey Cott (Kevin Keller in the series). You know Sir KJ Apa took Casey Cott's phone to make his fart joke (something i used in my story about KJ APA, for my farts fetishists readers 😏).

They are friends in the tv series and in life, so i dont think His Imperial Majesty King KJ Apa wanted to humiliate Sir Casey Cott.

I just think His Imperial Majesty King KJ Apa wanted to be comfy, and since he is an alpha and the star of the show, Sir Casey Cott hasn't complained. Personally i wouldn't complained at all, i just would have liked to stay there forever because what excites me the most is this kind of humiliation, where the alpha just show how dominant he is without being brutal or yelling at his sub fag.

I think Archie / KJ Apa is a good master because he doesn't need to yell at his sub to be obeyed, he just is confident, kind but naturally authoritarian. Contrarly to Reginald "Reggie" Mantle who, in the RIVERDALE story, beats the sub and yells at him, Archie is protective while reminding the loser he must obey them. That's something that attract me, the fact that a dom knows that to be worthy of being worshipped, you shouldn't be feared but loved for who you are as a dom : someone clever, hot and strong.

Everything on KJ Apa is amazing and hot, and that brings me to my last point and reason why i talk (again!) about him as my MAN OF THE DAY. Apparently he and his wife Clara Berry, mother of their son, broke up a few times ago. That is really inspiring to me who was writing a story where His Majesty KJ APA and I were in couple! 😍

Honestly, of all alpha male celebs that i worship, he is the one i would love the most to be in couple with. Tall, kind, only three years older than me, he is all i want from a boyfriend and i love everything about him.

On this list of my favorite alpha men celebs you'll see what i like the most about KJ APA.

Besides, i want to suck his dick so much, and that means something because i am not particularly into blowjob 😅, and his ass 🤤 !

I love that he plays with his supposed bisexuality, showing himself as if he is secretly in love with one of his male co-stars :

And in the last season of RIVERDALE, the homoerotism has never been so intense! 😍

Since i know i haven't posted a story since a long time (sorry about that, i had a lot of stuff in my personal and professional lives, and also my computer was broken), i wanted to publish an extract of the story i began many month ago about me dating KJ Apa.

-

(caption by me)

EXTRACT OF MY FUTURE STORY ABOUT KJ APA AS Y DOMINANT HUSBAND 😍

KJ Apa and I were swimming, splashing and he was throwing me in the water for fun to save me, or toss me in the air to catch me. We were kissing, and KJ Apa liked to press my body against his muscular body. I got out of the water to dry off and wait for him on my lounge chair.

Then, the love of my life KJ came out of the swimming pool of his villa. I saw his sublime tall and muscular body glistening with drops of water. The New Zealand sun made the beauty of his sculpted body sparkle. He had suffered so much from the pressure of building a divine body and being reduced to a sexual object that KJ Apa was happy to see the love and desire in my eyes.

Without needing to snap his fingers, one servant prostrated to wipe his feet, another handed him back a towel which he hung around his waist, he took a juicy peach from the platter of fruit held out by a slave, carelessly spitting out the pit on the face of a slave who thanked him for spitting on him.

Then KJ Apa lay down on his lounge chair and reached out for me.

KJ APA: "Come here you 😏..."

I joined him on his lounge chair and began to lick the fallen peach juice dripping down his powerful chest.

KJ APA: "Footlicker! Come do your job!"

THE FOOT LICKER: "Yes Your Royal Highness"

He only said these 4 words, but the former boy who had grown up in contact with this alpha male loved his life. Sucking the toes to warm them with his mouth and licking the soles to soften them after contact with the water, the servant mainly cleaned the soles of you KJ.

This one saw Sean Peters in the distance following my husband's dog on all fours. This ugly fat man who once worked the set of Riverdale had been turned by KJ Apa into a dog poop eater, with no family or reputation to uphold, agreeing to stay in KJ Apa's service hadn't really been a choice. KJ Apa was madly in love with his dog, so he considered Sean Peters to find it honorable to be his dog's poop eater. Lying on the ground in the grass, Sean Peters was eating the droppings of the dog who ignored him.

To divert my husband's attention from this scene, which he found amusing but which was nevertheless disgusting, I began to kiss him, pull out his cock and lick his balls. I took them in the mouth, running my tongue down the length of the cock and sucking on the cocks head. However, KJ Apa did not want to ejaculate too soon. Even though he enjoyed eating fruit served on a platter and being fanned by palm fronds while getting sucked off by the love of his life, the licking of extra feet made this moment too....orgasmic.

KJ APA: "On your knees, my little loser! If you're a good friend you'll keep your back straight this time!"

THE FOOT LICKER: "Yes Your Royal Highness."

The footlicker positioned himself on all fours so the tall KJ Apa could stretch his legs. The weight of the feet did not hurt the slave's back too much, because he managed to overcome the arduousness of his situation to concern himself with the comfort of his master. This one appreciated the comfort of the back of the slave.

-

If you want to read another short story about KJ Apa being a dominant gassy master :

(Caption by me)

My others MAN OF THE DAY articles about KJ APA

#Kj Apa #Man of The Day #Riverdale #Tv series #Série télévisée #Acteur #Actor #Justin Bieber #Nick Jonas

[nine-of-words]

Out in the Cold (Part Three)

M Orc x M Troll (Hulder) Reader

PREVIOUS || STORY TAG || NEXT

Wordcount: 3709

Content Warnings: None

A hint of bonding, as a little treat.

You take a few deep, calming breaths. 

As bad as the stew incident was… No one was seriously hurt.

You got through it. Just like you always do. 

And you’ll get through this, as well.

Because you are suave and smart and good at what you do, regardless of your bad luck. 

…And you don’t need anybody’s help.

You hype yourself up, and soon you’re back on your feet, ready to take on this obstacle, and any other obstacle that may come after it.

Now… just to figure out a plan of action.

You look around the snowy woods around you, waiting for inspiration to strike. And as your eyes come to rest on a tall, sturdy pine tree in the distance, it quickly does.

Perfect.

You swiftly bound towards the tree, getting a running start. Then you spring up, managing to catch a low branch between your hands. You scramble up the tree, branch by branch with feline grace, the motions coming naturally to you.

From the confident perch you’ve managed to reach, you have a decent view over most of the tree tops nearby. You’re flooded with relief as soon as you spot the river that flows back towards town in the distance.

Great. That would be the way, then.

You know you should be in a hurry to leave, but… the view is really nice, and the tree branch is surprisingly comfortable… And you had to wake up in the middle of the night to sneak off without being noticed, so you’re so, so tired… 

It wouldn’t hurt to shut your eyes for a second…

LAST SPRING

The tankard is massive in your hands as you look down into the surface of the murky beverage. It's still mostly full - you learned pretty quickly at the Turn of the Wheel celebration a few weeks ago that you can't finish a whole serving without blacking out. That was a truly embarrassing experience, with you once again having to be carried like an overcooked noodle to the safety of a warm bed.

Honestly you would prefer something lighter, but they have no wine, and having a drink in your hands prevents weird looks from the other patrons of the tavern, even if you nurse it the whole time.

You’re seated at a table with Urguk and Lurog, who so far are the only other orcs that seem to treat you as an equal, rather than a lost soul to be pitied. You often end up having a beverage and playing a game of cards or darts, at least on the days you manage to finish your tasks at a reasonable hour.

"I think you two are the only ones here that actually like me." You say with a dry laugh and a smirk to your companions.

"We like you?" Lurog asks just as dryly as she draws a card from the pile, then takes a long swig from her own tankard. 

"W-We do!" Urguk barks out and jostles her on the side with his elbow, causing her to gurgle slightly on her drink. "What makes you think everyone else d-doesn’t?"

"Everyone laughs at me?" You point out, trying not to sound too hurt about it. And you're not - you're used to being the butt of the joke. "Constantly. And they don’t even try to hide it."

"Trust me, it's better that they're laughing."

"Could be scowling or yelling when you fuck up instead. Urguk would know."

“Heh.” Urguk looks sheepish and changes the subject, promptly throwing you under the bus. “Even the stew incident was pretty funny- ah, after the fact-”

“Please have mercy, not again.” You groan and cover your soft ears with your hands, squashing them flat against your head. “I never want to hear the word stew again!”

“I wouldn’t worry about nobody liking you- most everyone seems to have a soft spot for you so far. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a new outsider join the tribe!”

“A lot of the old farts think it’s auspicious that we have one again. Good omen or whatever.” Lurog adds. Urguk winces as they draw a card, seemingly lacking the ability to mask their reaction for the game whatsoever.

“That's a relief, and it’s true that everyone has been kind even through my various blunders but… I don’t feel like I’ve really gotten to know anyone that well besides the two of you. Everyone else is handling me like I am fragile.” 

And not getting to know anyone is making it very hard to find where what I’m looking for is kept…

“Of course they are, it’s because- well-”

“Any of the adults could snap you like a twig with no effort.” Lurog punctuates Urguk’s sentiment flatly. “And most of the grannies could, too. And any of the kids.”

"Likely true, if a touch insulting.” You pout. You can’t ignore the fact that compared to all of these orcs, you must seem literally small and breakable. “It's simply a bit discouraging to be treated like a child."

“Have you considered not acting like a child, then?”

You scoff in mock offense, trying to make a point of your displeasure by taking a sip - then making a face of actual displeasure at the skunky, overly fermented taste of the rotgut.

“No- W-Wait, I think Lurog has a point!” Urguk rubs his chin in thought, thumb tapping his lip. 

“Oh no, not you too…”

“What I mean is- You haven’t done your first hunt yet, right? S-So, to everyone else, you might as well be a child...”

"Ah, I see! Some sort of rite of passage, then? How would I go about going on one of these hunts?"

"Usually a parent hands their kid over for the hunt during their 11th year… this year’s will be coming up soon, now that the heavy snow is over."

"Probably could ask Boss about it when he shows up."

"Ugh… I'm already going to have to sit here and listen to him lecture me about how bad I am at everything." You've been sitting here killing time until he is due to appear for whatever hellish performance review you’re about to receive, after all.

"Ah, that's right. You're graduating from gruntwork to a trade soon, right?"

"If he decides to let me… I'm lucky he's even speaking to me again." You sigh. "He's been watching me like a hawk. Breathing down my neck if he's not avoiding me completely, after… You know."

“Mmh. Boss is a hardass. But he’s good at what he does. Dedicated.”

“Y-Yeah, I’ve got to wonder if he’s taking enough time for himself.”

"Exactly the problem. He's far too uptight. It’s not good to be that tense all the time! Maybe he needs to find a nice lady orc to let off some steam with sometimes." You chortle loudly. "He'd probably be a lot easier to deal with if he got laid once in a while!"

However, your companions don't have the chance to laugh in return, they only stare past you; the color completely draining from Urguk's face in horror while Lurog tries desperately to hold in a cackling fit behind tightly set lips.

"I'll take it into consideration."

The hair on the back of your neck stands up in response to Torg’s gruff voice behind you, and you struggle to keep the brushy fur on your tail from visibly bristling.

“You two - make yourselves scarce.” He says in a surprisingly calm tone as he comes around the table and into your view. 

They hastily comply, leaving the game mid-play and the small assortment of coins on the table.

Torg waits for them to disperse with quick goodbyes (and looks of pity) before taking a seat in their place across from you. He looks surprisingly neutral despite the comments that you just made, his lips stretched into a thin, taut line the only sign of annoyance.

“Um, heheh, sorry-” You say sheepishly, and consider blaming your loose tongue on the contents of your tankard before he stops you.

“Nothing I haven’t heard before.” Torg waves his hand, completely putting it aside. “Let’s get this chat about your standing out of the way.”

You nod, unable to shake the feeling that you’re being led to the gallows.

“So… Where to start…” He stalls out and scratches where his thick, slightly unkempt beard meets his neck, seeming to be encountering uncharacteristic trouble on how to proceed with what he needs to say.

“You’re going to tell me I’m doing a fantastic job and to keep up the great work…?” You smirk and bat your lashes at him.

“Look-” He huffs out your name. “I’m just going to be direct with you. Things have not been going well. You must realize that, right?”

“What? But I make sure I take on enough work tasks every day …”

“The amount isn’t the issue, so much as the quality.”

"Oh… What am I doing wrong?"

“You are constantly mixing things up, making mistakes, being a general safety hazard. The simplest of tasks become drawn out disasters when they involve you.” He gives you a stern look in response to your disbelieving pout, turning his hands palm up on the table for emphasis. “...Do I even need to mention what happened with the stew?”

“No…”  Your ears flatten, dejected.

“So, you understand why things can’t keep going on this way.”

Your sadness and shame is instantly cut with panic. You can’t go crawling back empty handed - who knows what the guildmaster will do to you if you did. 

"You're not going to kick me out, are you? Please don’t." You grab his hands on the table in yours and beg, only half-lying. "I don’t have anywhere to go back to- Please."

Torg pauses for a moment, looking at your hands gripping his.

"...No. I would not kick you out over something out of your control." He finally seems to come to his senses and slowly detaches his hands from yours and laces his own together on the table in front of him. "The only time it was a possibility so far was when I thought you had intentionally poisoned us."

"I really am trying my hardest…" You say in your most pitiful voice. The sad part is that you don't even have to make a show of it- you're genuinely ashamed at your failure, especially considering how much effort you're putting in.

"I think that's the problem. You are trying too hard, at too many things."

"Oh. Well, I wasn't lying when I first told you I wasn't good at anything in particular..."

What am I going to say? I'm great at burglary or pickpocketing or forgery? Right. 

"Everyone has a talent. We just need to figure out what yours is. It’s my duty to help you find it if you are lost.” He strokes his beard in thought. “...You don't even have to be particularly skilled at it yet, it just has to be something you can focus on and build skill in. Is there anything you enjoyed doing as a child that could translate to a trade, maybe?"

"Well, my father used to take me on hunting trips when I was younger." You lie, finding a seam to pick to get what you need, before adding a bit of truth. "But he died when I was still young, so my skills are surely rusty."

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Torg says, clearly not the most comfortable.

“Eh, don’t be. It was a long time ago.” You shake your head. “I only bring it up, because maybe hunting is something that I could do?”

"Hmgh… No. Can’t do that." Torg grunts in vexation. "At least not yet. You haven't been acknowledged as a hunter. You'd have to go on your first trip."

"Well there's one coming up, isn't there? I want to go."

"You want me to let you- knowing what we know about your past record- Go on a hunting trip." He leans his elbow on the table, his temple propped on his fist. He looks at you with the most hard eyed, no-nonsense look he's ever given you. "A barely chaperoned hunting trip. With real weapons. Full of children."

"Yes." You smirk with conviction, your confidence swiftly returning. Regardless of your general tendency to mess up, at least you can always talk your way out of, or into, anything. "You just said you'd help me find my talent, did you not?"

"I did. But usually first hunting trips don't involve learning to deal with friendly fire."

"I'll be on my best behavior."

“It’s not just that. You need to craft your own weapon to make your first kill with. Typically a young orc’s parents help them to make it. And they’re trained on how to use it first.”

“Well- I’m fresh out of parents.” You shrug and let out a short giggle, leaning back on the bar stool. “Maybe you’d be kind enough to adopt me?”

To your surprise, Torg’s hardened expression cracks and he lets out what looks and sounds like a genuine laugh.

“Are you implying I’m old enough to be your father? That’s harsh. I’m not even grey yet.”

“Oh no, I meant in more of a… figurative sense, I suppose.” You subtly tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Seeing as I don’t have anyone to teach me.”  

“...Fine. I will help you practice." Torg sighs. “But you will need to craft said weapon yourself. Your hunter friends can help with that.”

“Great! I’m so excited.” You beam at him.

“Any other concerns?” Torg shifts restlessly. “If not, I have a few other things to see to before nightfall.”

You’re speaking before you can second guess the wisdom of what you’re saying.

“You know, about what I said earlier - you probably wouldn’t have any trouble finding someone if you actually wanted to. You would clean up very well with some attention to detail - trim your beard back a bit, take better care of your cuticles- You’re already quite handsome.”

He simply shakes his head.

“Hmm. Something’s wrong with your eyes, then. Maybe take it easy on the booze.” He smirks, his eyes lingering on you longer than they typically do before he abruptly gets up from the table. “First practice: tomorrow, sunrise. Don’t be late.”

You watch Torg leave the tavern, a strange mix of dread and hope settling like a weight in your stomach.

You scoop up the few pieces of gold you ‘won’ from your interrupted card game, and hurry back to your dormitory.

When you arrive, you get out pen and paper to scribble an update for your Guildmaster. You’ve been diligent enough to remember at least each week so far, and you don’t plan on stopping now. 

If this job is a success- if you perform well- you might just get a rank increase. Better accommodation, better food that you don’t have to steal, ability to choose what jobs to take…

You scribble the coded message in your surprisingly neat handwriting;

Fritz-

No sign of it yet. I’ll have access to the armory soon. I think it must be in there.

Then you sign off the letter with your byname, before folding it three times and placing it in an envelope you got from the archives. You drip a bit of your wax stick on the nearby candle flame, before smooshing the dot of wax with your simple seal to secure the missive closed. Then, you crack your window, placing the envelope underneath the sill and jutting out into the open air as you shut it.

When most of the lights in the settlement have gone dim, you see the form of a crow land on the sill where the letter is lodged. The sealed envelope disappears on the other side, and you hear the muted sound of wingbeats.

You let out a sigh, extinguish your candle, and crawl into your bed, not wanting to sleep deprived while handling weapons in the morning.

The next morning, practice does not go as well as you would like.

You spend hours trying out different weapons at the targets, with Torg demonstrating the proper form for each one first.

You managed to snap a throwing spear, after missing every throw beforehand. You hit yourself with the sling multiple times before you could even launch a projectile with it, giving yourself a few good welts on your forearms in the process. You even gave the throwing axes a try, but you just can't get a good spin on them, each one that hit the board bouncing off when the head of the axe contacted the wood.

This would be much easier if you could just use your dagger. It's what you have the most experience with, but unfortunately it's not the most effective weapon for hunting at range.

“This is probably going to be more your speed. It’s more suited to your build- Bit surprised you haven’t used one before.” Torg nocks an arrow onto the bow in his hands. He draws it back, then lets it loose, the arrow hitting cleanly in the line between first and second ring of the target with a deep thunk. “See? Easy.”

He hands the bow to you, and moves out of the way so you can stand in line with the target. He adjusts your form a little - you're not used to him being so close, feeling not just that overbearing presence, but the physical weight of those heavy hands touching you, even this briefly.

The bow is heavier in your hand than it looked, the wood hefty and dense. Even keeping it aloft is somewhat difficult for you, but you manage to get into proper posture and nock an arrow. The real trouble comes when you start to draw back, the tension of the string making your arm noticeably shudder in exertion before you even get it halfway pulled.

“Mm. Draw weight’s way too heavy.” Torg observes, clicking his tongue ruefully. “That’s the lightest one in the armory, too.”

You know he doesn't mean it as criticism, but it lights a fire under your ass all the same. You stubbornly keep pulling, despite the shake in your limbs and the ominous popping noises in your shoulder. 

Despite the grueling effort, you manage to pull it back all the way, releasing the arrow the very instant you can. It soars through the air at high speed then sinks into the wooden target, only a few inches below Torg’s on the lower third ring - but it's actually on the board!

"Hahah, there. I did it!"

"You did. Good job." Torg says, a sense of relief to his voice as much as there is commendation. "How about you try a few more shots?"

You somehow force yourself to draw the bow and fire several more times, despite the shake in your arm making it difficult to aim. You work through half the quiver until Torg stops you.

"I think that's enough for today." He takes the bow off your hands and lets out a soft chuckle. "You're going to be sore up top tomorrow…"

"Fine…" You sigh, disappointed with how little you managed to actually train before your body failed you. The burning in your shoulders and back is hard to ignore.

You go to retrieve your last round of training arrows - some on the ground, but most of them on the target, even if they're on the outer rings.

"Great work today." Torg says as you return with the full quiver. 

He's unstringing the bow to store it. You can't help but feel a twinge of envy at how easily his toned, thick arm muscles handle releasing the stored tension in the curve of the wood.

You don't have to say that just to make me feel better…

"Thanks. And thank you for training me today, as well."

"It's no problem."

"Isn't it, though?" You say, half jokingly, half grimly.

Torg raises an eyebrow at you in a silent question. He's watching your expression closely,  now that he's finished preparing the training weapons to be stored.

"I guess I'm wondering- What do you gain from it?" A twinge of your bitterness seeps through the facade - not bitterness at Torg specifically, but at the fact that you're very well familiar with the abandonment that typically comes next. "We both already know I'm a nuisance, and you're clearly very busy."

"I said that I would help you with this." He says simply.

"Well, yeah, but why not shove the problem off onto someone else, if not just get rid of the problem completely? When you have the power to do that, I mean. It seems to be what people normally do with the power to make the decisions."

"...Do I need a reason to help you?" If you didn't know any better, you could swear you hear a note of offense in his voice. 

"In my experience, yes. Nine times out of ten, you do."

"I don't know how things work where you're from- But that isn't how it works here." He lifts his hand, then hesitates, before following through and laying his wide, calloused palm on your shoulder and squeezing lightly to emphasize his next point. "The tribe is only strong if everyone is thriving, not just the strong ones. And it's my job to make sure everyone here thrives. If you are struggling, it is my problem as much as it is yours. It would be my failure to not help you."

You nod, but you can't bring yourself to look at him or speak. You just chew your lower lip, vexed.

He lets his hand slip off your shoulder and effortlessly picks up the load of training supplies, resting it over his shoulder. 

The walk back to the armory is quiet, save for the chirping of birds and the small sounds of the settlement beginning to come to life for the day.

You're unable to really believe him, as much as it'd be nice to. At the end of the day, you don't belong here. You're a foreign body infiltrating, here to get what you need and get out.

Maybe if things were different…

>> ✨ MASTERLIST >> ☕ KO-FI

#exophilia #monster lover #monster romance #monster x reader #orc x reader #orc #monster x monster #male reader #male monster #troll reader #mlm #mxm #male x male #series: out in the cold #oc: reyr #oc: torg #nine of words

[henshinskymirage]

chara’s reviews: hirogaru sky precure ໒꒱ episode 1 review

synopsis princess elle has been kidnapped from sky land. while trying to save her, sora harewataru jumps into a mysterious portal and lands in sorashido city, meeting mashiro nijigaoko and becoming pretty cute of the sky, cure sky.

intro a new february marks a new pretty cure season! ever since the first leaks, i’ve been ecstatic for this season. it’s a season of firsts (officially at least)! first non pink coded main cure, first main team male cure, first adult main team cure, and first…fart joke. even so, this 20th anniversary season has so much to look forward to. let’s see how the first episode holds up as an introduction to this new season!

hirogaru’s first episode starts with an introduction of the alternate place in the series; akin to the grand ocean in tropre and the garden of life in futari wa. skyland, although the name sounding like a trampoline place, is portrayed as a world in the clouds. having a blue and pink motif (clouds & sky blue; land itself pink), it fits perfectly with the main colors of the season. skyland itself actually reminds me a lot of my little pony, specifically the g3 styles. i really adore the art direction with the settings already!

we are introduced to sora who is flying on a bird, speaking about her goal to be a hero. get ready for that to be mentioned a lot. even in the first few seconds of introduction, sora’s character is established greatly. she’s a young athletic girl who dreams of being a hero! i want to also point out that i actually love her voice. akira-san does a great more tomboyish voice for the main character, something we haven’t seen in a few years.

it seems that sora is on her way to skyland for princess elle’s birthday! that means this episode takes place on march 12th in the universe. the world building for skyland is great honestly. from the few images we see, we can be able to tell a few things about it:

these bird creatures (like the one sora is flying on) seem to have a huge play in the society. maybe something to do with the economy? pets/companions? or just living amongst them?

royalty is especially important to them! they are celebrating princess elle and obviously there’s a giant castle. it’s clearly a kingdom

technology seems to be not as advanced as in the real world; shown later as well when sora gets there

the fashion style is definitely fantasy/medieval esque as it seems to be a lot of simple outfits and things of the sort

finishing our first look at skyland, we are then shown the royalty of this kingdom…including our baby of the season, elle-chan! her appearance is much better than her splash art. by a lot. many people were wary of another precure baby which is fair, but as you can see later on, i actually love her. So Far. elle and her parents- the king and queen of skyland- are on the castle, and her parents are spouting cheesy compliments at each other.

i actually do not like the king and queen’s designs. like at all. although the setting design i adore and the animation so far is beautiful, i can’t help but feel like these two characters seem really out of place compared to the rest. if they had a similar blue, pink and white motif i would have been able to accept them as being fit here but they just… seem really weird. the colors and the clothing design mostly. plus they do not look similar to elle at all. however, i must say i love how the king has a similar cape to cure sky! i also will give props for the wing on the queen’s hat and the collars they have, similar to the cure designs. i guess i just never usually liked the royalty/other (good) world character designs

below is an extremely extremely rough idea of wha4t colors i thought would be better with the queen at least. far too lazy to do the king as you can see from how rough this is in the first place but i think it gets the point across. i just think the colors they used are way too far from the overall feel of skyland and this season. would’ve just liked to see lighter colors!

anyhow, while celebrating, the evil big mean appears out of a pig costume. out come! another pig! wow! i know a big chunk of this has been about my nitpicks on designs but well, be prepared for another. the first villain introduced this season is kabaton, a purple pig with a mohawk and a circular body. he mockingly wishes elle-chan a happy birthday and throws a purple smile bomb.

it seems we’re back to animal/monster villains. i don’t really have any problem with that in theory, but this design so far is just…? i don’t like it. the pink sorta style would work well if it wasn’t for the fact that this character is portrayed as being like some disgusting pig (unsurprising that they made him a pig). i just really am not looking forward to seeing him a lot. i’d much rather go back to that lobster guy from tropre or even just a humanoid buffy big guy instead of a pig

also right now, we don’t really know the motivations for these villains. of course, that’s to be explained later, but i actually like that there’s some sense of mystery. usually exposition is given right at the beginning and it feels a bit like hand holding. but here this pig just REALLY wants to kidnap this baby. i hope they further explore that later!

with her main character senses, sora is able to tell something is wrong. skyland and princess elle are under attack! sora’s determination and confidence is present once again as she tells the reluctant bird to bring her to skyland so she can help. sora’s resolve to be a hero is something i really like since although of course every precure is strong, many have to learn to be strong. in sora’s case, her hero wish opens the doors to a character development of her learning to accept her not being exactly this hero girl that she wants to be, without the added development of getting used to her identity as a precure. it may also allow for one of those “getting your wish isn’t all it seemed to be” conflicts which i’m greatly interested in how it will handle

ITS OPENING TIME!! i feel like there’s so much to talk about with the opening that i can’t possibly put it in this post in good conscience. instead, i’ll try to make a separate analysis post sometime soon. so try to look forward to that if i get the time!

for now, we’re back to elle-chan’s kidnapping. trapped in an orb, she spends a good portion of the episode crying. it doesn’t really bother me at all mostly because yes i would also be crying if i was being kidnapped. but look at this stupid baby face. she’s just too cute to call annoying

we have a gag about kabaton stealing some apples and although i may just be overreacting i really hope that food association doesn’t continue even if it’s little because well. having a pig just like food and seemingly be gross is a bad look. but we will get to the gross part very soon

we have a really beautifully animated parkour sequence with sora. the animation in this part is seriously to die for. it really shows how much better they’ve gotten over the years. i especially just love this new style. even though it seems similar to all the other precures, the eyes are one of the defining traits for this style i’ve noticed. rounded eyelashes! the action sequence so far looks amazing- and this rooftop scene is proof of that

(gif via dailyhirogaru)

sora’s civilian outfit is really fitting of her athleticism shown in this scene especially. the more frumpy and bigger shirt and pants are really good for her since it seems easier to move around in. it also does give a sort of medieval fantasy feel so she’s basically just a dnd tomboy. i love it

sora catches up to kabaton and uses her…leapfrog attack? confusing on how this girl could jump over a basically circle pig but it’s precure. what do i expect. she’s so silly she’s a runner she’s a track star

elle is free of her orb prison and she looks at sora for the first time and i think i have really fallen in love with this stupid baby. i think a lot of it comes down to her design. i mean let’s look at elle compared to like…hugtan…

kabaton demands to know sora’s name and promises to remember it. as of now, our only characteristics of kabaton are that he is snarky, very stereotypically a villain (swears to remembers his enemy’s names), and…he farts. for some reason, kabaton then shows his ass to sora and says “welcome to heaven” before ripping a fat one. this is the time i realized wow i really hate this. precure never seemed like one to fall to really weird toilet humor especially farts. it felt really out of place and uncomfortable and i genuinely will cry if this continues. i don’t wanna say it seems like fetishy but. it did. especially with “welcome to heaven”. first fart joke in the series…groundbreaking i suppose

through his fart attack, kabaton is able to get elle-chan back and opens a portal- supposedly to try to get to the undergu empire. hesitantly, sora follows into the portal. i guess that’s the way that we are going to explain sora’s sudden appearance in the human world- a portal! if that’s the case though, i’m interested on why undergu empire seems to be an entirely different world and is so keen on kidnapping elle-chan. very excited to see what goes on there...

sora says something about wanting to protect a crying child- that she would never abandon one. another example of her wish to be a hero! suddenly, kabaton hits a giant rock and lets go of elle-chan who floats to sora almost immediately. as this happens, sora lets go of a notepad with has something written in a different language

as she reunites with sora, elle-chan seems to be able to feel the mirage pen within sora. with that, she relaxes into her arms. what a surprise, she’s a precure! and another super big surprise, elle-chan is our fairy that awakens the precures! the two exit the portal and end up in the literal sky. with a scream, they fall down

we have a cute eyecatch of sora and mashiro holding the shiny powder fragrance and then laughing together. super cute!! 

the moment we get back to the episode, we’re greated to pretty holic. honestly, i’m not sure how i feel about pretty holic being a thing for every season after tropre. i know it’s all because it sells good and i truly do love the pretty holic themed art that happens due to it but it feels so forced sometimes and it makes the theme of the season kinda mess up because it makes it so like every season from tropre has an underlying theme of makeup. and it’s getting a little bit repetitive

the stationary shown is cute i suppose and of course if it is released physically i will definitely be buying. plus, at least this pretty holic seems to be fixed with the theme colors and motifs (wings, blue, pink, pastels, etc.) at least. mashiro’s grandmother also appears to be using the stationary for her note that she gives mashiro which is super cute

during the pretty holic and sorashido city introduction, we see a screen for a new arrival and a girl’s face. i wonder if this is maybe a character in the future? maybe cure butterfly’s civilian form. who knows!

mashiro is introduced looking for ingredients for her grandmother. they are very strange including rose oil, a cinnamon stick, and a dried frog. it appears that mashiro’s grandmother is a witch or something along the sorts with magic. i think that there may be some lore about her being from sky land or another land of the sort. kind of like heartcatch. i really love all the callbacks to things they’ve already done. it’s sweet for the 20th season

while ruminating over where she will get these silly ingredients, sora’s notebook falls from the sky and soon, sora herself. oh how i’ve missed people falling from the skies in precure series. it is truly the most amazing trope. fortunately, before the two become splattered, elle-chan floats them safely to the ground. mashiro is stunned. even with her introduction, i think i’ve fallen in love with her. she seems like a really interesting character- seems like a sweet but kind of easily shy and overwhelmed girl

sora is immediately entranced by the new technology in this place- especially the cars and green lights. she continues on and on about how everything is strange until mashiro “TIME OUT”s her. the two agree that this must be a dream and them talking about it being a dream is actually really fucking funny. they’re just like “oh hello dream girl how are you” “oh i am good other dream girl what is your dream name”

when sora notices mashiro has her notebook, she takes it back with a “thank you” and describes that the lettering on the notebook is sky script. it’s revealed to be her hero journal. it really identifies her as a kid when you think about it because it’s basically like the same sort of thing as a princess diary or something of the sort. i find it super duper cute

suddenly, kabaton appears and we are introduced to the summoning monster of the season. ranborg! i’m always looking forward to the nonsensical monster names and how silly they will be. this one of course is no disappointment. to be fair, it’d be pretty hard for it to be a dissapointment

we get a random quip about “curetube” which honestly made me laugh and then mashiro finally realizes she’s not actually dreaming. sora hands over elle to mashiro and tells her that she will fight, but mashiro wants them to run away. i really really like soras expression of being this tough girl but then she’s actually extremely scared and shaking when mashiro tries to keep her from fighting. i think it’s my favorite part of the episode entirely 

and also gay people

we get a good one sided battle as sora tries to fight ranborg and kabaton. we also see that kabaton’s gem on his head is magic- maybe a reoccurring theme for the other villains we may see? when kabaton gets sora down, he tries to attack mashiro and take elle-chan but sora tells him the battle is between her and him- not mashiro

her notebook lands on the floor and kabaton takes it. we get our first look at her hero journal. it’s absolutely adorable and good character exposition. sora is a tomboy who wants to be a hero- that’s her dream

unfortunately, we didn’t get to see this hero journal in a good way. kabaton snorts at her dream and immediately rips up the journal. sora, still down from the attack, is powerless to do anything. it’s honestly amazing that i can feel so bad during this scene for a character i met like 13 minutes ago. it just shows how good precure is at developing characters

sora is thrown the empty notebook back at her and she stands up, showing her resolve to still fight. she promises elle-chan she’ll bring her back. after all, she would never abandon a crying child. elle-chan realizes that sora is a precure and we see a drawing of sora’s that resembles zakenna. sora would never back down. she’s a hero!

the mirage pen appears in front of sora and elle-chan screams to make her a elle-chan assigned precure. elle’s screaming actually made me laugh out loud because it’s just so stupid but i love her

ready to become a hero, cure sky is born with a beautiful transformation sequence. honestly...just watch it

the transformation is amazing and i love the transformation items too. i really want to buy the mirage pen and sky mirage and i hope i will be able to. i also especially like the part in the transformation where it’s the monochrome images of cure sky and then it turns to the colors. there’s also text in the background which is kind of surprising to me?!?! i didn’t expect that but it mirrors the website so it makes sense! i just love this transformation and i love cure sky. i really love her cape and just the way she’s supposed to be a hero (hero girl....hirogaru....haha)

we get the regular “precure figures out they can fly/jump really high” scene and then go on to cure sky’s fight. again, beautifully animated. i really don’t have much to say about the fight itself because it’s just regular precure fight but i love it of course because i love precure. here’s all i can say:

live kabaton reaction

after defeating the ranborg, kabaton seems to be afraid of cure sky and runs away. cure sky detransforms and realizes that elle-chan and mashiro are still there, having watched her entire battle. sora seems worried for mashiro but thankfully she isn’t hurt

and then, we get the ending. mashiro asks if sora is a hero. and instead of answering, “yes of course i’m a hero” she says she doesn’t know. it seems my want for a development of her dream is probably going to happen. it’s such a little and sweet moment but i think it’s a good identifier of things that are yet to come. sora and mashiro’s relationship is growing steadily even in just one day. i can’t wait to see more

similarly, i think i will probably do a separate post for the ending but i love the dance and the song. it might be one of my favorite endings in precure- though of course nothing can beat shubidubi sweets time

overall, this episode is near perfect. my only genuine criticism comes from kabaton and the fart joke. i’m so excited for more of this series and can’t wait to see how it develops. next episode is going to be aired today so let’s hope this good show continues well!

best character this episode: sora harewataru favorite part: sora trembling while deciding to fight funniest part: “this is a dream!” ranborg design score: 4/5 overall score: 9/10

#my reviews #my thoughts #hirogaru sky precure #soaring sky precure #pretty cure #precure #sora harewataru #nijigaoka mashiro #cure sky #cure prism #cure butterfly #cure wing #2020s

[transskywardsword]

A Moth Drawn to a Flame - Chapter Four Preview: Linebeck Island

Link recovers from his memory-induced seizure. Sidon discusses politics

Sidon was going to start losing scales from stress if this kept up. Hopefully, Link was having a better time than he was, curled up and cozy in his suite and sleeping off that dreadful memory. Sidon would never forget the first time he saw Link have a proper, all-consuming memory. He’d been arguing with Muzu at the base of Mipha’s statue, her armor in hand, trying desperately to convince the old councilman that Link could be trusted to tame Vah Ruta when the boy in question went stiff as stone between them. His eyelids fluttered, blinking rapidly, muscles in his face clenching and unclenching as his gaze went blank and far away, followed by a concerning twitching in his left leg and then full body shakes. Sidon had jumped to his side, but just as soon as it started it was gone, leaving a very tired, very disoriented, and very distressed Link babbling about memories and healing and elephants and Mipha. Muzu had scoffed, but Sidon knew the old fart long enough to know just how shaken the Zora had been.

Link explained the seizures not long after his return from Ruta, after putting his sister’s body to rest.

‘There’s a few different kinds.’ He’d said, looking anywhere but Sidon, ‘there’s, um. Absence seizures, which Purah called something like ‘petit mail’? Which makes my face and eyes all funny, and I, uh. Zone out?’ The really bad ones are tonic-clonic, those make my body all jerky and I can’t stand and sometimes I pass out and it, uh. Isn’t great.’

“It sounds horrid,” Sidon had said, and Link had winced, making Sidon feel like the biggest bastard in the universe. That had been the wrong thing to say, of course, it had!

Of course, at least Link had a personality back then. Not like the Link Sidon had seen over the past few visits, and since Zelda arrived. Blank, cold—it reminded Sidon of cloudy memories he had of his sister and the Champions, how Link would seem so empty in front of them all, especially the Princess, but would crack Sidon small smiles and make funny faces at him when no one was looking. Sidon had been so grateful

when Link first returned to them, back when Ruta’s rath was threatening to sweep them all away. Link had been anxious, confused, and honestly a little out of his depth, but he told jokes, shared secrets, took Sidon’s hand, and promised him a better world. After he freed Mipha’s spirit, Link returned often and seemed to smile wider each time.

Then the Princess returned.

Sidon refused to blame Zelda for Link’s change, but the timeline was hard to deny. What was it about the Princess that made Link fold himself up like that?

for the full chapter, read A Moth Drawn to a Flame on ao3 here:

#sidlink #sidon x link #sidon #botw link #botw #loz: botw #loz fanfic #zelda fanfiction #botw fanfic

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 13 “When She Finally Leaves” [Episode List] Dana spends the whole day at Dave’s place. When the girl leaves, Tim, who’s now Dave’s roommate, finds out how much gas a man can hold in just to not look gross in front of a girl.

When She Finally Leaves

In the last few weeks I’ve been spending more and more nights at Dave’s place, whether because I needed a place to work, write my essays, or simply to spend some quality time watching bad films and drinking beer. It was Dave himself to ask me to “marry him” (as he jokingly put it), basically becoming official roommates, which also meant dividing our tasks and obviously splitting the rent.

And honestly we were having a great time. We both had jobs, fortunately, which were not much but they did pay taxes for now and it was overall a great experience. Friend or not, Dave is an excellent roommate, being pretty good at cooking and organising chores; the same could be said for me actually, though in some cases we have our own preferences; for example Dave prefers cooking (the fact that I’m bad at it it’s purely coincidental) so we agreed I’ll be the one doing the dishes.

We also had our buds crashing over what is now *our* place a couple of times, which resulted in more bad films and beer, or even nerd stuff such as gaming together. Of course however, the person who most often came over is obviously Dana, Dave’s girlfriend. She’s pretty cool though we don’t really hang out with her when Dave’s not around, though as I said she’s pretty easy-going.

Tonight we’ve been watching a trash movie. Yes, the three of us. Don’t worry, I was a welcome addition today. Dave would usually just tell me to leave for a few hours if sex was on the table (sometimes literally on the table, the one where we eat our food…) as we respect each others enough to just be straightforward whenever we needed some privacy. Tonight however it was just chilling like three friends hanging out together (knowing however that Dave would just give me a signal should things get more heated up you know).

We were in the living room. I was on an armchair, working on my laptop, despite the poor wi-fi. On the long wide couch beside me, Dave and Dana chilling and watching the movie with more attention than me, my bud’s left arm around his girlfriend, sometimes making remarks on how bad it was. We all had a can of beer, because of course we did.

The couple brought some takeouts for dinner, some fast-food a few blocks from here (Dana’s idea, actually, which we were both thankful for). Dave, chilling next to Dana, was wearing his signature casual outfit: a grey shirt and pair of dark blue loose jeans, details that my gay-ass eyes immediately noticed and more than once stared at.

“Oh wow the helicopter just blew up I’m speechless.” Dave said, sarcastically.

“A Subversive Masterpiece: that’s what they were going for when they wrote this.” Dana added, and they both chuckled.

I also did my fair share of sarcastic remarks though work got most of my attention, even though it was nothing urgent, just me trying to get some stuff done as fast as possible.

“Did the shark just wink at him?” my bro commented.

“They’re best friends now.” his girlfriend explained. What a great film.

After 15 more minutes the movie ended with the three of us clapping at a shot of a man and a shark exchanging a look of gratitude to each other, as the Sun set into the never-ending ocean. Drugs played a big role into the making of this move I’m 100% sure.

“Well, that was enlightening, but I gotta head back home. The Uber’s almost here.” Dana said, as she got up and reached for her purse and some other stuff.

“You’re really sure about that? Come on, stay here for the night.” Dave suggested. “I taught Tim to play dead. We can throw food at him.” he then joked.

“I can also bring you the newspaper upstairs, tomorrow morning.” I played along.

Dana chuckled in response. “I’m sure you’ll win the next contest you two, but I gotta wake up super early tomorrow.”

The couple walked towards the front door. The entrance was next to the living room, a few steps behind the couch. Dave and I sometimes darkly joked that any assassin could easily ambush us because whenever we’re on the couch anyone could sneak into the house behind us, with enough care (we then prefer to drink about it).

“Call me when you get home.” Dave said and the two shared a quick kiss.

In the meantime I moved on the bigger (and more comfortable) couch, more or less in Dana’s spot, as I also have better wi-fi reception there. I left my laptop on the small table in front of me because apparently all of my laptops have to be shitty and take some time to even the most basic stuff. As I inspected the wi-fi icon flashing on the screen, I heard Dave shutting the door and walking back to the couch. After a few steps his tall figure was already towering over me.

“Yeah the reception is pretty bad lately.” he commented, and then collapsed next to me.

Only a few seconds and he already had that well-known smirk drawn on his face; he then quickly adjusted his position. He completely laid down, extended his demin-clad legs, with his left one resting on the back of the couch, ending right behind my neck. In a moment, Dave ended up showing off his loose, almost-sagging jeans-clad ass directly next to me, as his legs trapped me into a gentle yet strong grip. Seeing both that “wall” made of jeans and my bro’s smirk at the same time was a sight I never truly got used to. He was just lying there, next to me, with his ass pointed at me, as if it was one big prank, even though he knew exactly how much I enjoyed that.

“Bro you’re ready?” he asked, still sporting that smirk.

When even Dave goes as far as asking me if I’m ready, then I knew that the fart was going to be gargantuan. And I realized why: Dana has been with us and my bro the entire day, so it’s possible that Dave just held all of his gas in for hours. We all experienced this, then when the girl leaves, men get to “relax”. Other than that, Dave had tons of beer and junk food. I stared at that denim butt, for the first time almost scared of what my bud was capable of; I knew a fart was coming, and I knew it was going to be big.

But what Dave said next really once again confirmed how chill he is around me.

“Believe me: you might want to get closer for this one.” he said, laughing a bit.

He sported weirdly reassuring smile, Dave’s millionth attempt at saying “It’s ok, Tim.” as he probably noticed now nervous I became when he assumed that pose.

The teasing bastard then went full bully on me and simply reached for my head with his long right arm and gently pulled me down, as if I was bowing to that still silent denim-clad ass. I just heard him laugh like an idiot, as it usually happens. Despite my head being down and in front of that ass, I could still see Dave’s face and that smirk. He raised his eyebrows and half-closed his eyes as he started pushing, but he didn’t need to put all that effort into ripping that blast.

It’s like the fart was barely contained in the first place: it immediately exploded with a loud sound right into my face. Dave closed his eyes and kept his smirk as the blast probably surprised him as well. It was low-pitched and dry, a completely natural gas-eruption that sounded like an engine. The stench was unbearable, a mixture of beer and junk food, surprise to no one.

While farting, Dave adjusted his position as bit, spreading his legs bit more, with my face getting almost planted into that denim-clad butt as he effortlessly kept ripping that immense flatulence. Hours and hours of gas being erupted as if I was in front of a dormant volcano that just woke up. And I feared that “hours” was what he was going for ‘cause after 20 seconds the fart didn’t even lose power.

Dave still had this smirk drawn on his face and occasionally stared down at me as he completely destroyed my face and nose with his incredible farting skills, skills that constantly let me speechless, fetish or not. He was the fart master, a showoff with a manly talent that I could only bow to and endure in the hop-

“Sorry, I forgot my house keys.”

The fart immediately stopped and it all went silent: It was Dana.

Dave turned his head to his girlfriend, greeting her with the stupidest smile you can think of.

“Oh stay there no worries, they’re right here.” I heard Dana say as she reached for keys, probably hanging right next to the door, my face still almost planted in my friend’s denim ass. That felt surreal.

I completely froze (not that I could move) but I knew that she couldn’t see me (just like I couldn’t see her) as I was lying down. All she could see from where she was standing was Dave’s head and his right leg resting on the back of the couch, since the entrance was behind our couch.

I was terrified, while Dave was doing his best not laugh like an idiot.

“What’s so funny?” Dana asked, laughing a bit herself, definitely noticing her boyfriend being weird.

My teasing bro quickly glanced down at me, almost losing it (and still holding holding the fart in, which didn’t stop the smell from burning my nostrils).

“N-nothing’” he stuttered. That’s it, he was gonna laugh like an idiot.

“Okay” I heard Dana, not really convinced of the boyfriend’s answer though.

There was a moment of awkward silence and then we heard a car honk, thank goodness.

“Oh… it’s my Uber. Bye!” the girl said, quickly leaving the house and shutting the door behind her.

Another moment of silence followed, Dave still staring at the entrance. I was shaking, I was legitimately scared that someone was gonna find out, which was weird given the hotness I was experiencing in that moment, even without the fart being ripped.

“Ok… where were we?” Dave asked, turning back to me, with a smirk. “Oh yeah!”

And he effortlessly resumed farting, just as loud, proud and powerful as it was before the interruption, directly into my face. The terror I experienced moments before was blown away by that incredibly blast and me being rock-hard, as it usually happens when Dave showoffs his gassy talent around me, or on me.

Dozens of seconds passed and at this point Dave just played along. He nodded at me, faking a serious expression, as if he was listening to something actually interesting instead of his own loud fart still going on strong; after about ten more seconds he checked the time on his wrist-watch and acted surprised, then stared down at me as if he wanted to say “damn that is long!”. We both however actually lost the track of time and he simply relaxed as if I wasn’t even in front of his ass, all while the fart was still being blasted in my face.

Dave then reached for my head again and gently pushed it inches closer to his roaring ass, and I felt the vibrations of his rip all over my face: it was literally an earthquake.

How long was it lasting? More than 1 minute perhaps? How much gas can a man hold in? Dave certainly was pushing for a record. All I knew is that I felt privileged witnessing that, even though I was beyond being a mere witness since no particle of gas missed my eyes and nostrils.

However (finally, actually), the fart seemingly started to lose power, the once-continuous sound starting to “stutter” and turning more into a fast series of loud farts, fired back-to-back. The show (because that’s what it was: a show) ended with a loud, 5 seconds blast, and Dave’s laughter.

I slowly got up, sweaty, my nose burning, with a startled look to which my bro reacted with another immature cackle. I was now sitting next to him as I was before, and looked back at my bud, who in the meantime re-adjusted his pose. He was still lying down, still kind of showing off his loose-sagging ass, but in a less “menacing” way: now he was just chilling.

“When’s Dana coming over again?” I joked. I mustered all the courage I had left to say that. I was impressed by the fact that I could still speak considering that all of my blood probably flooded my boner at that point.

Dave laughed at that lame joke, thank goodness. “As if I need Dana to blast you like this.”

He raised one leg, again showing off his sagging denim ass in my direction. He quickly sucked some air in and after a few moments and weird noises a loud 6 seconds fart erupted. For his standards, that’s basically a weak one.

My friend just casually joking and bragging about facefarting me and then farting on command to prove it made me lose it, as I felt my boner… dampening. He didn’t notice it but he knew that I had a hard-on, that’s for sure.

I didn’t want to just rush into the bathroom so I just stared at my laptop, still on the table, in front of me: the wi-fi signal was stronger than ever. I jokingly like to think that Dave’s blast was so powerful it actually influenced the signal somehow and improved it.

I turned to my bud, still lying on his side of the couch, just checking his phone and being… casually hot.

“Thanks man.” I said, not for the wi-fi though.

He lowered his phone, revealing a blank reaction “Really?” he said, rolling his eyes, with a bored expression. “Stop being cringe and do the dishes.”

Fuck, I totally forgot about those. We had takeout food but we still used some of our dishes. I immediately got up and rushed to the kitchen, hoping that Dave was distracted by his phone enough to not notice by boner through my sweatpants.

Once in the kitchen, a place that wasn’t tainted by Dave’s gas, my nostrils could still feel my bro’s fart-stench. That’s how soaked up in his gas I was. Even my ears needed some time to adjust to the silence, now that I didn’t have a deafening fart being ripped right into my skull. 

And I just knew that this wasn’t the last time this was gonna happen. I’m Dave’s roommate, and being roomies means we have to divide our tasks: he’s the farter, I’m the sniffer.

End of Episode 13

#fart story #eproctophilia #fartkink #davefarts2 #gayfart #malefarts

[honey-makki]

grandma’s blessing

best friend!hanamaki takahiro x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of death (family member), oral (fem receiving), fire, probably unsanitary cooking conditions if i’m being honest (it’s soft i swear)

summary: the holidays are your favorite time of year. your best friend hanamaki tries to keep holiday cheer alive despite the loss of a family member.

word count 2.4k

masterlist

Holiday’s are tricky. Decisions on whether the trauma of going home will be a heavier burden to bear than the guilt and loneliness of your city apartment. GOing home was never a pleasant experience. Trips filled with parents nitpicking your seemingly successful life and emotionally battering you about anything and everything they could. The only reprieve would be hugging your grandmother and being able to see her face-to-face during dinner. She understood why you didn’t come home every opportunity and didn’t blame you a bit.

On years when it would be too much to travel, you knew that she would still give you a call. Spending all day on the phone with you while you bounced around the kitchen making much smaller portions of what they would be eating at home. Even the small amounts of silence on the call were comfortable. You could feel her next to you kneading the dough for a pie while you mixed together the fruit base. It felt like home.

The silence that has been living in your apartment the past few months after her passing was suffocating. Weekends spent with friends at their apartment just to get out of somewhere that just seems to reek of death and despair.

You had spent more nights at Makki’s place in the past month than at your own. He was your closest friend, a true confidant, someone skilled at lifting your mood, and the person you’ve been undeniably in love with for years. You accepted the fate of growing old with a horde of cats as long as you can have his silly pink hair shining in the sun when you hung out with friends. It’s ok that you are going to be alone forever as long as you still had a standing laser tag date once a month. The only thing stronger than your feelings of love towards the strawberry blond was fear of losing him.

He has been a pillar of strength during the past few months. Holding your crying body until you fall asleep on his tear-stained and snot covered chest. Setting alarms in your phone to make sure you are eating or going to work instead of sitting in a dissociative state. Ever since you shared a bed with him, he’s been a little more comfortable with physical contact. Walking closer together arms touching when going out or throwing an arm over your shoulder when lounging around the house. You can’t count the number of times you’ve both woken up in various stages of cuddling.

He was the one to bring up spending the holidays together. He had just gone home for a wedding and couldn’t afford another ticket and he knew that you were in a weird spot. “We can stay here and make dinner and bake cookies and watch shitty r-romcoms? Someone has to appreciate Hallmark movies, why not us?” You can hear his voice crack and start to speed up as a blush rises across his face. You see it but don’t really process it, more relieved that for the first time in months, the thought of holidays didn’t make you run to the bathroom and throw up. You smiled and nodded, setting plans for him to come over later in the week.

Makki always liked when you cooked, throwing a western spin on dishes he considered normal. But today, he was flabbergasted, you didn’t let him just sit on the barstool curating music while you did all the work, no, there was too much food to be made for him to laze around. You laid out the recipe for your grandmothers’ mac n’ cheese, explaining what everything meant while you got started on an asian fusion stuffing you figured out a few years back.

You stole glances at him in the middle of stirring, combining and folding everything together. His tongue sticks out between his lips while he deliberately measures out the exact amount of cheese required. In all the time you’ve seen him, you’ve never seen him totally lose his laid back air until now, and you can’t control your laugh. Is he really more serious about measuring out sharp cheddar cheese than a game that would take them to nationals? Or that physics final he actually studied for? Your heart skips a beat when you see his soft, satisfied smile to the dish he just created. All you can picture when he looks over to you is how cute of a child he must have been. Cheeks round encasing his bright smile as his head tilts ever so slightly to the left.

After he slides the last dish into the oven, you both opt for taking the time to clean the kitchen, knowing that you won’t want to do it after dinner. The dishes are washed and dried and while Makki puts away the ones that go on a higher shelf, you return flour and other ingredients to the pantry but before you put them down you call out to him, voice lighter than normal, the one you use when asking a favor.

“Taka, how upset would you be if I said I wanted to cook a little bit more?”

“You get dishes this time around then, but what are we makin’?”

You turn out of the pantry with a bounce in your step before slapping down the flour and newly acquired, chocolate chips and sprinkles. “Cookies! We always made cookies with my grandma and it wouldn’t be the same without them.” Your eyes sparkle at the thought of the sweet treats and equally sweet memories of your childhood. Makki thinks you are breathtaking.

“Let me get the bowls back down and we can probably make mediocre cookies if you have anything you do with it.” He smiles at just how cute the squawk you made from his teasing is, just happy that he gets to be here with you. He doesn’t really hear how you defend your baking skills and complain that just because you forgot flour one time doesn’t mean you are inept at baking.

He never thought he would be the type to settle down and be domestic, it just didn’t seem like something he cared a lot about, but now he he can’t rid his mind of the thought of waking up ten minutes before your alarm just to make you a cup of coffee or throwing your favorite blanket in the drier on days it’s raining so when you get home, you can melt into the soft plush and warm up instantly.The clattering of spices brings him back to the moment, turning to see you picking up the cinnamon and vanilla extract.

“You good, love?” There’s something about how you look when you flustered because of him, that scratches an itch he didn’t know was there. The first time a pet name like this had slipped through his lips he was certain that whatever line the two of you were toeing had been crossed, demolished. Instead you just tucked your hair away and averted your gaze back to whatever shitty movie the two of you were “watching” that night. Now it’s normal, well its not normal, its very much not normal for him to refer to you as love or babe and it's not normal for you to exclusivley call him by his first name. It's decidedly abnormal considering your relationship or lack thereof. But if you aren’t going to question it neither is he.

He helps you up and gather the remaining ingredients for the “famous snickerdoodle cookies” that you swear had won awards. The mixing of the dough is interrupted when he has to grab your wrist to stop you from adding salt instead of sugar. You refuse to look at him because you know he is sporting a huge smirk and raised eyebrows, knowing that he’s right about you not being the best baker. You are reprieved by the oven going off, signaling to remove the earlier and change the temperature.

“Damn, babe, these cookies look so good, especially this one.” You return to Makki who already started to lay out the dough on the baking tray. You see perfectly round blobs squished slightly by a fork for a pattern and then right in front of him you see the cookie he was talking about. You didn't expect to see your 27 year old boyfriend-who-isn’t-your-boyfriend to be holding a cockshaoped cookie. But really, you should have seen it coming from the guy who laughs when either of you fart.

He can hear the clock ticking as you just stare, annoyed. He was concerned for a second, that maybe he shouldn’t have made a lewd joke when making cookies. This is something he used to do with her grandmother, you stupid idiot.. But when he can see the apple of your cheek peeking out from behind your hand, he recognizes that face. The one that positively exudes warmth and happiness with her laughter. The butterflies always buzzing in his stomach go wild when this face comes out. He would do anything to see it for the rest of time.

You don’t know where the courage comes from but you cup his cheek for a kiss, he mirrors your action. It just felt normal, and you honestly didn’t realize that it wasn’t normal until you both pulled back. Your eyes are locked on his, both of you sporting a soft smile until his keeps growing, evolving into a laugh that is borderline offensive in how loud it is.

You don’t know why and you get a little nervous that maybe he doesn’t feel the same way, when you go to hide your face, you feel the heat rising but also a soft powdery coating? And that’s when you realize his hands are still coated in flour from shaping the cookies. Your eyes are rolling while you chuckle but Makki on the other hand is losing his mind, almost in tears from laughing while putting the cookies in the oven. “It’s not that funny, Takahiro! Get me a napkin please.”

“Nah, you look really sweet. Good enough to eat.” You weren’t surprised when he returned to kissing you, nor when he lifted you up by your thighs and plopped you on the counter. The kisses are sweet, lazy and perfect for a second kiss, and a third and a fourth. This is normal. His lips belong on yours. Your hands should be tangled up in his hair while his run over your waist and legs. This is right. There's no rush to deepen the kiss, both of you happy to just indulge in the warmth of the other, but it is inevitable. A soft nip at your bottom lip or an accidental tug of his hair, neither of you know what happened first but you both are staring at each other, panting lightly with a much darker gaze than the original flour induced makeout session.

“You are just as sweet as I thought. Gotta have a taste.” His voice is raspier than you’ve ever heard and you just let him move your body as he pleases. Pull your hips to the edge of the counter. Spread your legs as far apart as they’ll go. Lift your hips when he pulls your shorts and underwear down. Gotta act as sweet as he says I am. He has barely touched you but when he falls to his knees and just stares at your dripping slit that he's imagined for years, your eyes, you are already imagining how good he's going to feel.

You shouldn’t even try to think, his tongue exceeded any expectation or desire you had. Expertly flicking against your throbbing clit as he works two fingers in you. You feel the groan he lets out when he dips his tongue into your hole before you hear it. The vibrations reverberate up your spine and through your body, an all-consuming heat starting in your stomach, threatening to let loose, to run rampant on your body. His fingers, joined by another, return to your clenching hole and search for the spongy spot hidden deep inside. All you can hear is the blood rushing through your head, drowning out every other noise.

“C’mon love, cum on my fingers, on my tongue, I’ve wanted, dreamed about this for years, give it to me.” His slow words juxtaposed the fervent pace of his fingers and it was enough to send you over the edge.

You feel so hot you fear you might pass out, the groan Makki lets out beneath you is the only thing keeping you grounded. You were first concerned that you had hurt him in someway, but when you see his eyes roll back into his head and his tongue trying to lap up every single bit of cum you squirted on his face and thighs, you know it wasn’t due to excruciating pain, rather it's just an obscene reaction to you.

When you push him back, squirming with overstimulation, you hear him scramble and “Shit! Fuck! Fire extinguisher?? WHERE IS YOUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER???” You are still out of it until he starts actually screaming, words still evade you but he follows your line of sight to the red tube hiding in the corner next to the fridge. The smell of smoke is overwhelming all of a sudden. You were in a dreamlike post orgasmic state and suddenly your coughing, eyes hazy.

the cookies, SHIT THE COOKIES!! Smoke is billowing out of the oven and your fire alarm is blaring, but soon the room is filled with a white foam originating from Makki. You never realized that the foam would continue to expand until half of your kitchen was covered in it and you saw a sheepish looking Makki on the other side.

“Fires out”. Again, he starts to laugh at you, and this time you join him. Today has turned out entirely different than you expected. It wasn’t a sad day, it was filled with laughter, romance, an ill timed fire and Makki. All in all, a successful holiday, despite the fact everything you cooked was coated in foam. He’d seen you staring at the food and already took his phone out to order food, “Indian or ramen?”

Yeah, you think you’re grandma would be happy seeing you like this. Happy Holidays.

a/n: i don’t really know what this is but the image of makki being a disaster in the kitchen came to me one day and here we are. make sure you read the other fics in the collab

matsukawa’s funeral home winter collab

a/n 2.0: also a/o to @iwaasfairy for making that makki image that i used in my header. i love her more than i love him which say a lot

#hanamaki takahiro #hanamaki drabble #hanamaki x y/n #hanamaki smut #haikyuu smut #makki smut #makki x reader #makki x you #hanamaki x reader #hanamaki.coffee #kristen.writes #oral.espresso

[teddy-bear-surprise]

hi!! how are you? i seen your post about wanting to write headcannons or blurbs and i didn't know if you wanted them to be birthday related but osbddkndjdd staying up until exactly 12 am with peter and once it hits, the reader gives him a bunch of kisses & let's him now how happy she is to be with him!!!

This story is also available on AO3 and Wattpad!

Hi! Thank you so much for the request, I'm doing great today and I hope you are too <3

MASTERLIST

Title: Midnight Birthday

Word Count: ~2.4k

Warnings: None (they joke around about poop and farts, which makes me sound immature, but I promise it’s funny and not like serious)

Context needed: Y/N

I deviated slightly from the prompt on accident, but I hope you enjoy it :)

Your phone rang loudly for the third time, prompting you to finally pick up. Normally, you would ignore everyone’s phone calls, but you realized that Peter was the one calling you. You had set a special ringtone for him, just so this wouldn’t happen, yet he still had to call multiple times just to get your attention.

“Hey, Peter! Sorry I didn’t pick up before… You know how it is, right?”

Peter chuckled on the other end of the line, “Yeah, I know. We should really come up with a better system for you. I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if there was an emergency and they had to call you. I know you can’t see me right now, but just the thought gave me goosebumps.”

You heard him shudder, “I’m sure you’re very goosebumpy, Spider-Kid.”

“Hey!” He asserted jokingly, “You know that I prefer ‘Spider-Man’, you know that. And don’t be mean to me! I’m over here calling to invite you out to dinner and this is what I get? I am beyond hurt. I will never recover.” Peter emphasized each word as sarcastically as he possibly could.

“Oh, get over yourself drama queen. Spider-Boy, Spider-Kid, Spider-Man, it’s all the same thiiinnggggg. Just take the compliment, hun. In thirty years– when you’re all old, wrinkly, and a Spider-Senior –you’ll be missing the days when people called you Spider-Kid. Now, what were you saying about dinner?”

“I said I wanted to invite you out to dinner! Were you not listening?”

You rolled your eyes and wished he could see your face right now. “I got that part, genius. I meant like what kind of dinner… Y’know, Where? When? The details, Pete, the details.”

“Oohhhh, that would make sense.” He laughed quietly, shaking his head at his own stupidity. “I was thinking that we could go to that restaurant you love, you know the one you were talking about the other day… Ummmm I think it was called Sveleka? Right? So we could go there around 7…”

Peter’s voice trailed off as he tried to remember the details of his plan and you cut in. “It’s Veselka, but that would be great, Pete. I’ll see you there at 7, love you.”

You hung up the phone before Peter even got a chance to reply. Your phone skills were rudimentary, to say the least, and it always got you into trouble. Luckily, Peter understood your bizarre hatred of phones and phone calls, allowing you to talk to him without worrying too much.

You knew that his birthday was tomorrow and you had developed a plan of your own. It was supposed to be a surprise, and the last thing you were expecting was for him to ask you out to dinner the night before his own birthday. In a way, it made you appreciate him even more, knowing that he loved you enough to randomly call you and ask you out to dinner. But now, thanks to his unexpected decision, you only had two hours to rearrange everything before meeting up with him for dinner. You stared at the giant teddy bear sitting on your bed and sighed. Even though your plan was technically easier to carry out now, you felt a twinge of annoyance about having to modify your schedule.

Originally, you wanted to sneak into Peter’s apartment, along with May’s help, and surprise him with a giant teddy bear that said “I love you” when you hugged it. Ideally, you would get there right at midnight, as the night turned from August 9th to 10th, and show him that you cared. That you cared about his birthday, his happiness, and his wellbeing.

You shook away the thought and positioned the teddy bear so that it looked like it wanted to give you a hug. In between its warm, fluffy arms, you placed a small box. This box was technically Peter’s real present. It contained a small, circular locket with one half of a glass spider and a key. In the very same box, you included a long handwritten note telling Peter how much you loved him and how proud you were of him. Once you rearranged the box and bear to your liking, you began to get ready.

The closet of your apartment was minuscule, as was the whole place, and the limited space had led you to develop a very limited wardrobe. Your outfits only consisting of basic black pieces, one dark green jacket, and three pairs of shoes. Peter always joked that he loved how your closet all looked the same, claiming that it made it easier to find you if you ever got lost in a crowd. You both knew that was far from true since everyone in Manhattan loves wearing black, but you appreciated that he was so kind about your unconventional fashion decision.

You grabbed a simple, long black skirt and a silky black tank top, changing out of your pajamas. It might have been five o’clock in the afternoon, but pajamas stayed on until you left the house. That was just the rule. While you fixed your hair and makeup, you began to worry that Peter would figure out your plan. It was a slightly irrational thought, especially since he was socially inept and on multiple occasions forgot when his birthday was. Still, the thought plagued your mind until the moment you were ready to leave.

As you walked to Grand Central station, you texted Aunt May, letting her know that the plan had changed. May had been the biggest supporter of you and Peter’s relationship from the start. Honestly, she was the only one you could trust because she was the only one who could keep both your and Peter’s identities a secret. You hopped onto the Six heading downtown, hoping that she would reply before your service completely cut out.

You: Hi, May. Peter invited me out for dinner at the last minute so we might have to rearrange a bit.

May: This is why I told you to make plans with him ahead of time, so we wouldn’t run into any bumps like this.

You: I know, sorry. I wasn’t expecting him to do this.

May: I was kind of expecting it… I made a bet with myself that he would do this and it looks like I won!

You: You bet on us?? Is this like a reoccurring thing???

May: Definitely not. That would be immature. I’d never do that.

You shook your head at your phone, laughing at how obvious it was that May bet on your and Peter’s relationship. To you, May was like a second mother, or just a really cool aunt. She seemed to understand how to be just serious enough, but not stiff. Not to mention that she was ten times nicer and more supportive of you than your actual mom.

You: I’m gonna pretend that the last part of the conversation never happened. But what I wanted to tell you was that I’m going to meet Peter for dinner around 7 at Veselka so I won’t be able to go back to my apartment and then to Peter’s in time. I just left the bear at my apartment and I’m thinking of asking Peter to go home with me after we eat, what do you think?

May: Sounds like a solid plan, kiddo. Good luck, and please don’t let Peter eat too many of those sauerkraut pierogies this time, he was gassy for two days. It wasn’t fun.

You: Thanks for the gross heads-up, May. Byeeee

You got off at Astor Place and walked in silence towards the restaurant. You were looking at the ground, head hanging low, when Peter called out to you from across the street.

“Y/N, hi!”

You looked up at him and smiled at the goofy boy waving at you. “Hi, Peter!”

Jogging across the street, you made eye contact with him. He held out a hand towards you, helping you onto the sidewalk, and embraced you. Peter kissed the top of your head softly and gave you one last squeeze before letting go.

“So, I guess we’re both early then. I gotta say that I’m shocked, Parker. I wasn’t expecting you to get here before me.”

“What can I say, I’m full of surprises.” Peter winked at you.

---

The two of you merrily ate your dinner, with Peter threatening to instigate a food fight more than once. You talked about anything and everything, by the time you two were ready to pay the bill, it was almost 11 and you were stuffed.

Peter rubbed his hand on his stomach, poking at it, “I think it would be physically impossible for me to eat any more. Like I would just spchwoooo,” he mimicked an explosion with his hands, “explode.”

“I’m just glad we didn’t order any of those sauerkraut pierogies, May said they made you all gassy last time. I don’t even want to know what would have happened if you ate those and the stuffed cabbage.”

“What?! May said that? I never get gassy. Ever.” Peter lowered his voice, “I’m literally superhuman, it takes more than some sauerkraut and cabbage to mess with this iron stomach.”

“That’s not even close to being true. You had explosive diarrhea after that burrito two weeks ago, and don’t blame the food, you were the only one out of the three of us who got sick. Did you forget that May and I had to take you to the hospital? Because I don’t think that counts as an ‘iron stomach’.”

The two of you argued about stomachs, diarrhea, and food the rest of the way to your apartment, stopping every few minutes to point out airplanes flying overhead. You insisted on walking home so you could arrive almost exactly at midnight. Plus having Spider-Man by your side was basically a guarantee of safety, even in Manhattan. Peter held your hand the whole time, swinging it like a smitten teenager. After walking nearly fifty blocks, you arrived at your apartment. You noticed that Peter seemed hesitant, only lightly resting his foot on the first step leading up the building.

“C’mon, let’s watch a movie or something. I don’t want you to leave yet.” You pouted and tugged on Peter’s hand, pulling him up into the doorway.

“Well then, I guess I’m not leaving.”

---

The two of you were cuddled on your small couch watching Buzzfeed Unsolved, Peter’s favorite show, but you weren’t paying attention. Every few seconds your eyes would dart up at the clock, waiting for the hour hand to strike 12. Peter was entranced, never letting his attention deviate from the screen, and he didn’t even notice that you weren’t looking at the TV. The minutes went by slowly and you were counting down the seconds until midnight, gripping onto Peter’s arm. He thought that you were just scared by the prospect of unsolved murders, not that you were anxiously waiting for his birthday.

The last second passed and the clock struck 12, you immediately jumped out of Peter’s embrace and turned to him. Peter sat up in shock, confused by your sudden movement. You took the opportunity to straddle him and grab his face.

“Happy birthday, My Love.”

You peppered his face with sweet kisses and his eyes widened. His body softened under your touch as a feeling of love and happiness filled his heart. Peter snaked his hands up your thighs, letting them rest on your hips, and squeezed softly. You gave him one last kiss on the lips and rested your forhead against his.

“I have a surprise for you, Birthday Boy.” You lifted yourself off of his lap and held your hand out to him.

Peter took your hand and followed you obediently, curious to see what his surprise was. You opened the door to your room, revealing the large stuffed bear and its matching box. Peter let go of your hand and excitedly ran towards your bed.

Before he could say anything, you began speaking, “I know it’s not much, and I know you probably thought that I’d have like a trail of rose petals in here or something like that. But I wanted to show you that my love for you isn’t just about our physical relationship, my love for you i-is emotional and wholesome. I love you, Peter Parker. I truly love you and I’m so happy that you’re mine. I mean, every morning I wake up, I remember that I’m dating you, and that makes me the happiest person in the world.” You reached over to the box in Peter’s hands, “So, Peter Parker, will you accept this key?”

You opened the box and Peter’s cheeks glowed red. His eyes sparkled with excitement as he nodded his head.

“Yes! I love you so much too. I- Thank you,” He paused, “Oh no. Wait, I don’t have a key for yo–”

“Pete, this is your birthday present. I wouldn’t expect you to give me a gift on your birthday, silly.”

He rambled energetically, “You’re right… I’m still going to get you a copy though. Oh my gosh. I love this so much, and is this a spider because I’m Spider-Man?! Where’s the other half? This is so cool!”

You held up your matching locket, opening it to reveal the other half. “Yep, it is because you’re Spider-Boy. The best superhero in town. And, don’t throw away the little note at the bottom. Well, don’t open it now, but if you ever need a reminder of how much I love you, just read that note.”

Peter held your hands in his and pulled you down, both of you crashing into the giant teddy bear. The second you fell onto it, it blurted a freakish, distorted “I love you”, scaring both of you. You jumped up and looked at a wide-eyed Peter.

“Y’know, maybe we don’t need the bear. I don’t really want to be on the next episode of Unsolved.”

You laughed at Peter’s joke, pushing the bear onto the ground and kissed him. His soft lips tasted like the blueberry dessert you shared and his skin was as soft as butter.

You pulled away, foreheads resting together once more. Peter whispered, “Thank you for giving me the happiest midnight birthday, darling.”

#peter parker #cute peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #happy birthday peter parker #fluffy fanfiction #fluff #MCU #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #midnight birthday #teddybearsurprise

[nachohypno]

Pine’s Football Jocks (Rewritten) - Ch. 2

Little heads up: This one is a weird thing. It’s a rewritten version of the original Pine’s Football Jocks, but it contains spoilers for the college series, so it should still be read after reading the other ones (Original included) first, like a sequel.

------

Present Pine's POV 

I had an awful day. Nothing bad really happened, just a lot of stuff to do and me not being capable of doing it all. Skipping today's football practice, I had to take a bus to the sports club and check out that everything was working out (Hah, see what I did there?) with the coaches that were working today. I needed more employees? Yes. But keeping up with the maintenance while still having to do my college essays during my free times was actual hell.

I think I'm smart enough to keep being one of the best of my class (Spot that I'm afraid I'll lose soon), but I don't have enough energy to do all of this at once.

I'm not going to lie, these many responsibilities are *burning me out*. I'm heavily considering giving up the football team back to Peter (Of course, keeping him under control and checked), or set a new manager for the sports club. It's a hard choice, but I'm not going to stop studying to keep track of those two little jobs I got for myself. I also love those jocks way too much to let them go.

Have you spent an evening with them? The revamped football team is lovely! They're always joking around and being nice whenever they're not on the field or studying. Gotta spread the jock love around the campus, right?

Taking care of Mike wasn't an easy task either. The big guy was heavily expecting news to know if he would be able to play again without any risks, or if he'd have to focus completely on getting his college degree.

Mikey wasn't used to being restricted before, he's the physical kind of guy and likes to spend a good amount of time working out or playing sports, or chilling in a physical kind of way. Videogames could keep him entertained, but only so much.

So, he went back to his other favorite hobby...

I sat on the couch, leaving my laptop on my lap readying myself to check out some documents, and suddenly heard an awfully loud fart. Jumping up again, I realized I had sat on Mike's whoopee cushion. A loud laugh could be heard from the couch. 

"Never gets old! I was wondering how much you would take to sit on that one spot, because filling the couch with whoopee cushions would be quite expensive!" He said while walking into the room, as I took the cushion and threw it at him, but the shot failed awfully.

The guy was wearing a football jersey that looked like a pajama shirt without the armor underneath it. It still managed to make his pecs stand out a bit, which made me take the work off my mind for a bit and I was thankful for that.

I tried to be comprehensive, it was either that or watch his football team play without him while he's on the bench. Or study, but that was always slow and boring for him when he’s not ordered to do so. 'Nothing better than being stuck in here, with an amazing boyfriend, and just being able to read books about biology' He'd say, jokefully, trying to take a bright look at his situation.

I thought about hiring him as one of the club's trainers, since he has a good amount of knowledge on the matter, already helps anyone who'd ask him nicely, and he wouldn't need to make a lot of effort with his bad arm!

...Better than having him prank me all day, I guess. Or laying around while groaning ‘I’m boreeeeeeeed…’

Loud steps and he jumped over the couch to sit down beside me. “Hey there, bro. How was your day? Went to my classes and did all my homework already. Need help with anything?”

“Not really, just gotta finish examining these documents Peter forwarded me and I’ll be done for the day” Just a bit longer and I would be free from work!

“Did coach Peter mention something about me? Maybe he can pull some strings and allow me to… I dunno, take a magic drug that’ll heal my arm and make me into a super soldier?” I can see he has been watching movies lately.

“You know what the doctor said. Just a few more weeks and-”

He rolled his eyes. "C'moooon, just a few more weeks could be enough for that temporary quarterback to steal my spot!" He's so paranoid about that.

"Who's the coach?" I asked him, pushing my glasses back into place.

"You are, bro, but-"

"Thus, who has the final choice about who plays and who doesn't?" I didn't try to sound dominant, but it kind of came out like that on its own.

"You do, sir." Mike answered, sounding a bit defeated. I motioned him to come closer, and he did, then I grabbed his hand and pulled him in to lay on my lap (Being careful and leaving the laptop beside me to make room for him).

"Just relax, let your arm get better, then you'll be back on the field in no time, alright?" I whispered to him, trying to sound confident. A little kiss on his lips, and he nodded.

"Sure, whatever you say." He sighed.

I ruffled his hair. "Good boy, now... Want to hear the rest of the story? You fell asleep yesterday" Maybe that would get his mind off things again. It seemed to make wonders yesterday.

"Really? Oh, fuck. Where were we?" Mike asked, scratching the back of his head nervously. "I remember the outing, I went to change, then we resumed with some time later on?"

"Before I got my powers, yeah." I finished, turning around from him and looking for the doc file on my laptop. "Well, take a seat. I have some time so we can continue the story where we left it..."

As I grabbed my laptop, Mike got up and positioned himself belly down on the couch, occupying the rest of available space while getting comfortable (He kind of didn’t fit while doing that, so he had to keep his legs up to actually fit his whole torso on the couch).

I chuckled, before leaving the laptop on my lap again and looking over for the spot I left it at yesterday...

-----

Past Pine's POV

Nighttime already. My arm was still hurting, but quite less than earlier today.

My family was nice. Mom and dad are nice, and my big brother Dwight sometimes comes to visit after a big exam. He's not a jock, but he's not a nerd either. You learn to differentiate them after a while. Just those two sides of the spectrum exist for me: Nice guys, and not so nice guys. He's nice, but loves to bug me from time to time. ‘Middle point’ is how I describe him.

It's understandable though, I'm easy to bug.

I honestly just wanted to go to sleep, and silently count the days until my graduation. Then, I'd be able to enter some random college, hopefully a great one, and be done with this.

After dinner, I went up to the bathroom and checked out my arm. It didn’t look bad, nor it had any sign of me having been shoved. Just a little pain, but nothing else. I could cope with that.

Going back to my room afterwards, I dropped to bed and just reminded myself it would all be over soon. A nice career waiting for me after college if I worked hard enough, then the good life!

A little smile formed on my face as I fell asleep.

Okay, I'm not a big dreamer. Like, I never have dreams, and if I do they're weird things where I get run over by cars out of nowhere or medieval-like settings. Like my mind is setting up these weird scenarios to keep myself entertained even when I sleep, but I often forget about them quickly so no point on that either.

This time, it was like I was awake, but at the same time I kind of knew I was asleep.

A lullaby was being hummed, I was on my bed covered by my sheets, the ones that protect me from monsters!

The lullaby was nice and relaxing, but it felt like... it came from inside my head? Imagine being in your bed all comfy and suddenly Zelda's Lullaby starts playing on your head and makes you feel like everything is alright but nothing is alright because there are still months of bullying waiting for you at school but those thoughts are also getting muffled by the nice lullaby, which made not want to move at all.

The thing kept going for a few minutes, which developed into a nice sleep for the night as I forgot about my worries. Like I was a bit more 'in control' of my anxieties.

One thing was for certain, that was the best sleep I had in a goooood while.

------

The relaxation didn't last long.

I felt sick. I really didn't want to go to school today. One thing was for certain, that was one hell of a weird dream, but also quite amazing.

I had a really bad headache, but it didn't feel fever-ish. I could move myself without any pain, so I thought it was just a lack of sleep. 'Maybe a coffee will help me out...' I thought, as I got up from bed and lazily walked out. According to my phone, I woke up way sooner than I should have to. But maybe that'd give me time to enjoy a nice breakfast. Believe me, I'm not in a hurry to go to school anymore.

'Ugh... Can't see...' I thought. I liked to wash my face before putting my glasses on. Helps me wake up faster, maybe it'd help with the headache too.

Walking out of my room in my pajamas, with my glasses in hand.

I yawned, rubbing my eyes.

"Watch it!" I heard my brother saying. He had come out of his own room and we almost crashed into each other. He didn't sound mad, just a bit annoyed. "Rough night?"

"Uh... kinda," I mumbled, trying to process all the stuff he just said.

My older brother patted my back "Don't stay up studying for too long, you'll forget half of it once you graduate anyways." He said in a funny voice. As I mentioned, he's nice. Loves to bug me and my love for disconnecting from the world by just... reading books, but he's still a good brother.

"Never, heheh." I tried to seem cool, finger gunning at him, but Dwight just laughed at me. "Hey, you're heading downstairs, right?" He nodded. He was wearing some joggins and a sweatshirt, so I guessed he was going to jog for a while. "Turn the coffee machine on, please. I wouldn’t mind a good breakfast today…” I said, holding my stomach with my empty hand. I was hungry, not going to lie.

I didn't get an answer from him, but instead noticed him walking away without a single word. Quite rude I thought, but decided to shrug the thought off and go to the bathroom.

After washing my face, I placed my hand on my forehead. It was normal, no fever, but the pain was still there. I could ask mom if I should take some medicine, but she may still be asleep.

A little part of me wanted to use this as an excuse to miss school today. Imagine getting through the whoooole day, with Garrett and his army of neanderthals following your ass all day, and not in the good way.

Walking downstairs, still in my pajamas, I noticed Dwight walking out of the kitchen and heading outside already. I opened my mouth to ask if he did my coffee, but he faced me as soon as he noticed my presence.

“Hey, made you some quick breakfast. Enjoy, Piney! Gonna jog for a while, alright?” I nodded, kind of wondering what got to him. It’s like, he’s not really a bad brother, but he wouldn’t make me breakfast even if I asked reeaaaally nicely.

I stood there as I watched him leave the house. I went to the kitchen afterwards, and noticed Dwight prepared me a mug of coffee and left a cereal bar next to it. Hey, he tried! That’s what counts.

I enjoyed my quick breakfast as I watched a bit of TV, trying to make time before going to school, but I figured I wouldn’t be able to do that. Even if I tried to take it slow, I felt compelled to finish quickly and go back to my room to change.

Sucks being such a responsible asshole! But whatever, my mug was empty and I finished my cereal bar.

Just had to get ready, head to school and… try to be a ninja around there, because this headache wasn’t going off.

---------

Hours later, it had been a good day so far!

I mean, as good as a school day can be, of course, but I still really enjoyed my classes! No jocks nearby either, so that’s another plus!

My headache wasn’t there anymore, luckily. It’s like the world was turning brighter for me each moment I thought about it. I had fun in math and literature, Garrett and a few of his teammates were there, but either they didn’t notice me or my ninja skills (Aka lowering my head to the point of seeming stuck to the table) helped a lot!

And now, I just had to head to my locker, leave last class’s book in there and grab the next one, and keep doing as well as-

“Oh hey, it’s faggot!”

Spoke too soon.

I didn’t look back, I tried to pick up my pace as soon as I heard the familiar voice, but it seemed to be quite pointless.

Garrett grabbed me by the shoulders, and dragged me into an empty classroom. My attempt to make a stealthy escape failed miserably and I was now getting one of my weekly’s beat ups. The sad part was that nobody in the corridor seemed to notice or care.

Closing the door after throwing me in, I started walking away from him. Maybe I could loop him around some tables, I saw that working in a video game!

“What’s up, faggot? Scared of a real man like me?” He slapped his chest, asserting his dominance or something? Fuck, and I thought this was going to be a good day.

The guy chuckled at his comment, before charging against me. I avoided him, and started walking around a desk, trying to avoid him by keeping a good chunk of distance and going towards the opposite direction he tried to go. I knew he was getting mad quite fast, but I didn’t care. If I could slow him down enough for the bell to ring, I’d be happy and safe!

Good thing that this was a biology/chemistry classroom. The desks were long enough for me to keep distance from the big mean guy, and if he tried to attack me I could maybe grab something from the desk and get him off me…

Fuck, my thoughts about self-defense using chemistry instruments distracted, and Garrett was now a few feet away from me now. He enjoyed this little cat and mouse game, it got him in the mood for ‘a good beating’. I wonder if he’s mentally sick or something like that, because he enjoys this a lot.

“Fuck, you’re really putting on a show today, ain’t ya?” He mumbled, grabbing me by the wrist and twisting it to make me move closer to him.

“Let… go!” I told him, covering my face with my free hand just in case he tried to hit me.

And surprisingly, he did.

Of course, I didn’t stop covering my face. But I did notice the jock was standing there, his face still showing off that proud asshole-ish grin. “Wait… you’re letting me go?” I asked, with some hope in my voice. Maybe Garrett wasn’t so bad after all!

“Uh… yeah… no need to hold you to beat you up!” He resumed. After that little ‘realization’, the linebacker tried to charge at me without a single doubt on his face. He was really enjoying this

After that, the guy walked closer and held his fist up preparing his first strike. Before that would happen, I yelled “Stop!”. What, you thought I’d stand there waiting for the blow? I’m not an idiot! Hopefully, someone would hear me and rush inside the classroom!

Once again, I was surprised to realize Garrett did as I said. Or sort of. He froze in place, still smiling with his fist high. I kept walking away but my bully didn’t move at all. By this point, I knew something wrong was going on. I mean, I’m not saying I would have preferred for him to beat me up, but I was pretty curious about what was happening.

“Man, can’t wait to freaking beat you up today. Had an awful morning and I need my favorite punching bag to get off” But he still wouldn’t move.

“Then… what are you waiting for?” I was tempting him now. What if this was just a very elaborated joke and he would just break my glasses with a single punch?

“I dunno. Just wanna prolong it to scare you a bit more, I guess” He shrugged. He freaking shrugged, like we were chatting about a normal subject, not beating me up.

I loved that last ‘I guess’ though. It kind of gave me a little push to try out if this was really happening or I was just going crazy while Garrett played around with me like a spider.

“Can you put your arms down?” I asked him, and he did so. He still retained his cocky smile, but he just seemed alright with doing what I just asked him to do for me. “Uhm… Flex now?” And he did as I asked.

Okay, I’m not going to say I lust after this piece of poop, but these biceps oh lord. I wondered if he was on steroids or something. Can a senior student really be that muscled?

He’s 18, like most of my class and his whole team, but I think he’s one of the biggest ones I’ve seen in there. “Can tell you’re really thirsty, nerd. No wonder why, always knew you had a crush on me. Sick pervert…” He mumbled.

“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t mind being as far from you as possible.” I was cocky and I shouldn’t act like that. “But now that you mention it, I’d like to examine you closer and I’m sure you won’t try to harm me in any way.”

Uh… his eyes seemed weird, but before I could check them out, they returned to normal as he started speaking again. “Of course I won’t. Why would I waste my energy in a lil’ faggot like you?” Was his answer, before I walked closer to him. He was still flexing his arms, pecs noticeable under his shirt. Baby stepping towards him, I reached out and started touching his arms first.

“Not going to lie… you do have some nice muscles…” I mumbled, bringing my other arm to feel him up too. I was shaking, my heart was beating like crazy, but I couldn’t help myself. Garrett was exposing himself to me like it was a normal thing to do.

“I know I do. Chicks love ‘em, but you don’t know about that, huh faggot? You look skinny as a twig.” Ouch. I mean, it wasn’t really something hurtful, especially since he told me worse things before.

It was a good chance to try out if this was an elaborate joke or not. “Hey, that wasn’t nice at all. You should apologize, Garrett. Pretty sure you just want to be a nice guy to me, don’t you?” I took a step back again, because there was a 50% chance it would actually be a big joke and he was just playing along until this point.

“Y’know what? You’re right, nerd. I’m sorry. Would hate if someone body-shamed me too… Uh…” I was really surprised. Jaw-dropping surprise. Here was Garrett, the king of the football team, the big meanie, the superior asshole, apologizing to me after I suggested him to do so. I think I noticed his eyes getting glazed as he spoke? I couldn’t tell, there was a few inches of distance and my glasses weren’t helping now.

“Thank… you?” I didn’t know how to take what was going on. Maybe I was still dreaming! Hmm… No, dreams aren’t this long. Something definitely happened, and Garrett is doing what I tell him to do.

I looked up at him, as he stared around, probably trying to avoid looking at me or I just wasn’t worth his attention anymore.

My bully didn’t seem so menacing anymore, he just looked like a normal guy. It doesn’t erase the fact that he brought me so much pain before but… he was just exploring the area with his gaze now, like he just got bored of me and wanted something else to focus on.

I still don’t know if I’m doing something or if he just decided to be less of an asshole suddenly, but it seems that he’s reacting quite obediently to what I’m saying. Remembering that we are in an empty classroom that may not stay empty for too long, I decided we may just leave the scene and try out more stuff later, for testing purposes.

“So… I’m going to my next class now…” I started to say, and Garrett looked at me again.

The jock nodded. “Yeah… I should do the same, nerd. Uh…” Again, he seemed confused. Scratching the back of his head, he turned around and started walking towards the classroom’s door.

“But… Uhm… I think you should invite me over to your place after school…” I had to find the words for this to not sound weird, but it was almost impossible. How do you suggest someone to invite them to your place? I’m not a very social guy either, so that added a bit of doubt if what I was saying was normal or not. “You know, for a good study session with your favorite nerd?”

I tried to appeal to the nickname he gave me. It was better than ‘faggot’ at least. Garrett stared at me, like waiting for me to finish talking, before flashing a smile. “Yeah, of course we’re going to my place. I’ll take ya after school, I guess?” His confusion was still notorious, but he seemed to try and take the best out of this. It was quite nice from him.

After he walked out of the classroom, I did a little celebration dance. I got Garrett to not only not beat me up, but also treat me nice! I still wasn’t sure what was going on, but I’m going to enjoy this evening after school!

-----

As you may have guessed, I was kind of dying inside. Not literally, but I like to be dramatic sometimes.

Garrett waited for me after school in his car. I sat on the co-driver’s seat and just… stood there silent. He didn’t seem like a chatter box either, so it was just a nice silent moment between bully and random gay guy.

After a few moments of staring straight ahead, the jock turned the car on and drove off. His face didn’t seem confused anymore, but it was clear he wasn’t happy either. I wasn’t a blissful flower either, I knew what I was doing.

I wanted to try out this apparent new “ability” of mine, and it got me to Garrett’s house. Now I was walking into the wolf’s mouth, but he wouldn’t be as dumb as to beat me up in his own house, right?

“So… Garrett… Uh… Tell me what do you think about like… us, hanging out today?” I asked him, still nervous but trying to get the hang of whatever that was going on with me. “Oh, and uh… be honest about it, speak your mind and all that”

He eyed me, probably a bit weirded out by my choice of words, but still answered “It’s weird. I never thought I’d be driving you home, much less having a study session with you. You being, y’know, a nerdy fag and all that. It’s weird that we’re hanging out at all, we never hung out before”

Then he focuses back on the road. I did the same, not knowing what to answer. But he gave me a little push, returning the question. “What about you? Uh… Have you ever tutored someone before? I know my mates need some help”

“I used to help Mikey- Ehem, Mike, with his homework. And I find learning exciting, so helping others with it just comes naturally, you know?”

“Y’sound like a nerd. Sorry, had to point that out” He turned the wheel, and I noticed the houses looked a bit more luxurious on this side of town. Not that my house is awful or anything, but these look like really cozy places to be. I knew Garrett was wealthy, but didn’t know he lived in a mansion!

“What’s the deal with Mike anyway? I used to think you two were lovers or some shit like that, never got what he found in you.” The jock continued, without taking his eyes off the road.

I got a glimpse of his big arms as they held the steering wheel. They seemed to be holding the thing really aggressively, before letting go slowly. Like he was struggling, but it made his muscles and veins stand out a bit more.

“That’s kind of personal, so… I wouldn’t like to go there, if you don’t mind.” I tried to avoid the topic, especially because he was one of the reasons I stopped hanging out with Mike, but I don’t think he cared about it. Garrett wasn’t a nice guy.

He shrugged, “Whatever, keep the love story for yourself then. We… just arrived.” He took a moment for those last few words because he tried to park on the big driveway. The house was reaaaally nice looking. Like, not huge, but at the same time not your normal suburban house. I loved it, not going to lie.

I was in awe, as I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the car. The place was beautiful! And Garrett stopped at the front door waiting for me. He was waiting for me!

I picked up the pace and followed him in. The ‘lobby’ was good looking too. Kind of empty, but still gave that welcoming feeling you expect when you enter a house.

“So, do you prefer studying in the dining room, or my room? You’re the… teacher…? here, I guess” It didn’t feel natural for him to say that, I could tell. He was still kind of struggling, as his hands were closed and seemed to be clenching into fists, but at the same time he offered me a gentle smile.

“Your room would be perfect. We could use some extra privacy for… studying. Yeah, just studying.” I replied, as I kept looking around. I’m not going to get tired to say that this place is huge-

My little expedition was interrupted by Garrett’s pair of big hands. Taking me on a tour apparently wasn’t his goal, he just made sure I walked faster towards our destination: His bedroom, while not getting distracted by the place.

My bully only let go of me once we arrived at his room. He let me go in first, before dropping himself on his desk chair. The door was wide open, and I was tempted to close it but maybe I should make a bit of chit chat first.

Garrett’s room… It was alright. In comparison to the rest I’ve seen so far in this house, this one room looked kind of small, but still wide enough to contain Garrett’s interests. A computer, a console with a pair of joysticks, and a big bed against the wall.

“What are we going to study, by the way?” He looked at me. I took a good moment to examine his face now. No more confusion, one of his eyebrows raised, as he stared at me with friendly eyes.

His arms were still kind of twitching, but he was apparently trying to contain them by playing with one of his cord bracelets.

Now, time to keep testing my ‘power’.

“Well…” It was difficult to put it into words. He seemed to believe and/or do whatever I suggested him to do, and find out a way to make it his own idea. That’s what I theorized so far. So… “Garrett… You trust me completely.” I tried to avoid making it sound like a question, and more like an order. It was weird, but I just wanted to put more ‘power’ into my words, if that makes sense?

Now that I could see him clearly, I noticed his eyes definitely glazed over before he spoke again “I trust you completely.” After the words were said, emotion had returned to his face already. He sat down on his bed, still staring at me.

That’s great! I actually do seem to have powers! And Garrett was doing everything I said! Fuuuuuuck. This opened so many possibilities. I wanted to jump with excitement but I didn’t want Garrett to think I was weird.

“And also, we weren’t going to study,” Okay, this seems like I’m pulling his dick now. Studying was the whole reason he ‘invited’ me over, so if I pulled that out of the question, his reaction could change completely, right? Don’t mind me, just investigating here. “You asked me to come because you wanted to talk with me”

As I thought, he seemed confused again. Poor guy may be having the weirdest day of his life. But he didn’t fight me on that, he just nodded before agreeing. “Uh… Yeah…” Then he shook his head for a bit “Sorry, nerd. I’m a bit lost today. I can’t even remember what I wanted to talk about, fuck.”

The bigger guy tapped his head a few times, apparently trying to remember. Better help him ‘remember’ what he had to say, hehehe.

“It’s okay, you actually told me what you wanted to say and everything. You want to apologize for being such a dick to me” I don’t usually speak like this, but if I got him to apologize, then getting him to do anything else may be a piece of cake. And if I’m going way too far, then at least hearing that apologize would be really great on its own.

His eyes went glassy again. Great! A few seconds afterwards, he replied with a “Yeah. I’m really sorry for being such a dick to you.” And after shaking his head again, his blank face changing to a sad expression “Can’t believe I did all those awful things to you, I’m so fucking sorry, man.”

No more glazed eyes, but he didn’t seem to be tearing up exactly. I’m not a sadistic guy though, I just wanted a bit of payback after these few months. I could use the dick card and be like ‘I don’t accept that, you’ll have to do so much better for me to forgive you’.

But… I’m smarter than that.

“Okay, apology accepted, I guess.” I tried to sound uninterested, but the apology thing was enough for me to internally freak out again. Couldn’t show mercy, though! “I’ll have to think it through, but in the meantime we could… make a deal?”

Garrett raised his eyebrow, but before he could reply something or tell me to fuck off, I decided to interrupt his train of thoughts with another command. “You’re curious about what I’m talking about and you’ll accept the deal no matter what it is”

That should be explicit enough. Eyes glazed over again, as he nodded slowly.

“Yeah… I’m really curious. What do you have in mind, nerd-o?” That ‘nerd’ thing would be nice to change, but it’s not as bad as it felt before, at least!

I tried to think about exactly what I wanted to say to him, because I didn’t know if I could control this ‘persuasion’ or ‘make him obey whatever I say’ thing. So better be careful, even if he deserved an accident.

“This is the deal: You will obey everything I say and will love to do so, no questions asked. You’ll start to recognize me as your absolute superior, like… your master? Yeah, that sounds good, you will call me ‘Master’ when we’re alone.”

Garrett remained silent as I talked, which was good. No unwanted interruptions as I explained the terms of our ‘deal’! “You will treat me like your best- No, that spot is sort of still taken… You will treat me like a good friend. Understood?”

No reaction at all, until a few seconds passed. Then a smile appeared on his face. “That’s it? Of course, bro! Sounds like a great deal!”

“Wait, I’m not done.” I wanted this to be the *perfect* moment for us. Like, here was my bully, and I was about to take complete control over him. I didn’t want this to go wrong by any means. “Uh… One last thing, for now. You will start feeling attracted towards me, if that makes sense…” Would I be able to also manipulate his feelings? Only time will tell, I guess.

He didn’t freeze this time; the reaction came way faster than before. Garrett turned around to see if his door was closed, which wasn’t, so he got up to close it before answering a very proud “Yes, master! We got a deal!”

Great! It worked! Now, some testing was needed to ensure the orders I just gave him worked perfectly. First things first… “Do you mind if I call you Gary? Bit less of a mouthful than ‘Garrett’”

“No problem, Master. My bros call me Gary all the time” He stated, smiling like an idiot.

“Right, great. Uhm, stand up now Gary. And, uh… Lift your shirt up so I can check you out” I ordered. The jock in front of me didn’t hesitate, getting up from his bed and moving his hand to the bottom of his shirt, slowly lifting it up.

His abs seemed rock hard, his pecs were great looking. Was this a high school linebacker or a bodybuilder on steroids? Maybe he takes steroids for football? I don’t know, but I loved it. I moved closer and caressed his abs up and down. He just smiled at me as I admired his torso. It was weird, but also quite fun.

“What do you think about this whole… situation, Gary?” I asked, as I moved my hand up to his pecs and played with them for a bit.

“Honestly, I never thought I’d be doing this. But it’s what you want, Master, so I’m happy to do it” ‘Smart answer’ I thought.

“Uh Huh... Say, have you ever… done something with another guy?” I asked him, without taking my eyes off the pecs. “As in sexual stuff, I mean…”

“Nah, Master. I’m straight as an arrow, never done something with another guy. Prefer them chicks with big… personalities, know what I mean?” He sounded gross again for a bit, but as soon as he shut up and went back to smiling like an idiot, I was happy.

“Funny, neither did I,” I said, looking up at his face again. “And you will help me with that, don’t you?”

His smile faded. “Yes, Master.” Gary said, as I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. And he was kissing back.

My first kiss was happening with my bully jock ‘slave’. Huh, that’s weird to say. Guess I’ll have to get used to it.

I didn’t know the difference between ‘good kiss’ and ‘bad kiss’. But it felt amazing, and magical, and just… it was turning me on so much. Maybe I can say that he’s an amazing kisser?

We stood like that, taking little breaks from time to time to breath, where he would smile at me and I would just blush. I don’t romantically like Garrett, he caused me so much pain, but I wanted to enjoy this. I’m not going to cause pain to him, because I’m not evil. I’m nicer than him. Better, I would say.

I found it funny that he would still hold his shirt up. I could have told him to take it off, but there was something about it that made me choose not to. I wanted to see his body, but let’s leave the full naked stuff for later.

We stopped kissing.

“So, uh… I’ve heard rumors about your… ‘thing’, down there.” I mumbled, as I groped his crotch. I wanted to sound confident, but it felt really weird after so much time of keeping myself ‘hidden’. Gary didn’t answer, he was still smiling at me. “Can I see, Gary?”

“Of course, Master. Anything you want!” He accepted, and I looked down to undo his belt and lower his jeans. Huh… It was semi-hard.

A bit veiny, 4/5’ inches semi-hard? I’m not a cock measurer, but I think that’s quite good. 

I slowly went down until I faced Gary’s cock. I wasn’t sure if I should do this. This wasn’t going to bring me any pleasure. But maybe…

“Gary, I’m going to give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had. And as I do, I want you to feel the orders and the deal we made today cemented on your mind, understood?” It could be of use for our control thing.

“Understood, Master” I dove in the cock after that. Slowly taking the tip in first and giving some gentle licks before starting to get more of Garrett’s cock inside my mouth. It wasn’t hard to do, getting it inside. And then I just had to take it in and out, being careful with the teeth and trying my best with my tongue.

“You like that?” I asked him as I rested for a few seconds, before getting it back in my mouth. It felt naughty, and awesome! Like, the adrenaline of doing the dirty stuff with another guy… Huh, and I haven’t lost my cherry yet!

“Yeah, feels great… Keep going, Master… Please…” He moaned, arms behind his head as he sported a relaxed face. I loved hearing him calling me master, not going to lie!

Although, after thinking about it for a bit, it would be better if I didn’t let him cum. Maybe I could get him to record a video of himself jerking off or something for later. Anyway…

I took the cock out of my mouth and got up. “I want you to listen carefully, okay?” Gary nodded, not seeming to care about me not finishing the job. “When in public, you will still act somewhat attached to me, like we are good friends. And if someone suspects about it you will explain that I’ve been tutoring you and that I’m an amazing teacher, understood?”

“We’re good friends, you’re helping me with tutoring, and you’re an amazing teacher. Gotcha, Master” He repeated, eyes a bit unfocused again, but still a degree of emotion on his voice.

I ruffled his hair. He would have beaten me up in the past for that, now he just smiled even more than before.

“Good… boy.” Felt amazing to say that! “Could you give me a ride home now?”

-----

Present Pine’s POV

“What’s up now?” I stopped reading after noticing Mike was frowning. Like when you see that one character you don’t like in a TV show on-screen, that type of frown. “I thought you and Gary made up with each other already?” I assumed that was the problem, the big guy may have felt a bit jealous of his former football mate.

It killed me not reading his thoughts whenever I wonder if something is wrong, but I respected my best friend and boyfriend’s mental privacy. And if Leo or any other mind controller (Assuming there are more) discovered about this, they would laugh at my face.

“I know, he’s my bro and all but you gotta admit that he was such a dick before. I’m pretty chilled but I don’t think I could have just… given a turn to his personality and called it a day” He chuckled, as I closed the laptop. “Probably would have been way unforgiving, but you’re the lead here, bro”

“Well anyway, enough story for today. Any thoughts you’d like to share? This one was one of my favorite moments of the first plan I had” I mentioned, leaving the laptop on the coffee table before setting my attention to the jockboy beside me.

“It was great, got me hooked already. It’s also a nice throwback, ‘cuz I barely remember senior year other than ‘playing lots of football’ and doing awesome pranks” Mikey said, leaning in quickly to kiss my cheek. “By the way, which guy comes next? Is it me?”

He seemed excited to know the answer. It was Brent, Garrett’s friend, but I wasn’t going to give it away. Gotta keep my public engaged!

“Sorry big guy, got to keep the mystery, hehe.” Mike looked disappointed at my answer, but I just ruffled his hair. “But hey, all this reading about mind control got me in the mood. Wanna do something?”

“Huh… my thoughts exactly” I don’t know if he intended to make a pun on me being able to read his thoughts, but I wasn’t going to put much thought into it. I had to put thoughts into his head already.

It was like flipping a switch via the mind link, and then Mike’s eyes were glassy, and he had a dumb smile that curiously reminded to that of Gary back when I first enslaved him.

“Who’s a good jock boy?” I asked, pulling Mikey closer to me.

“I am, bruh… I’m a good jock boy, huhuhuh” was his answer, before going back to smiling like a big dummy.

Doing hot stuff with Mikey while his arm was casted wasn’t all that different from before. Now he just had to use his bad arm less than before, but you can still do plenty with one arm. Like have the jock take off his shirt, revealing his nice, muscular torso.

If I weren’t careful, I would be the one drooling here. I leaned in for a kiss, and Mike kissed back.

It was just a nice little moment between the two of us. Making out without a care in the world. Certainly a good way to forget about my responsibilities, no complaints there!

----

Author’s note:

Thanks for reading! I hoped to publish this here a few weeks ago, but writing the next chapter took me more than intended, so the public release also got pushed back a bit. Sorry for that 💦. 

But, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And thanks again for reading! <3

#PinesJocks #mind control #hypnotized #straight to gay #gay hypnosis #jock #brainwashing #brainwashed

[moonylvi]

Nct ot23 reaction to their s.o being really shy and blushing all the time 💗💞

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this. It's actually my first ever reaction and I really hope you like it.💕 Also please tell me if I made a mistake, English isn't my native language. Disclaimer: This is purely fictional, means it's an AU and in no way meant to harm anyone.  Pairings: ¹/23 memberX gn! reader Warnings: Cringe-worthy content and me trying to be funny and writing some reactions longer than intended. Genre: Fluff, partly crackish?

Taeil:  Okay, I honestly think he would tease u. Gemini things, I don't make the rules. It was a super awkward moment because he told you one of his jokes, making you burst into laughter. And with that, you accidentally spit on his arm. Of course you immediately cleaned it, not being able to look at him for good 3 hours. When you finally reappeared from behind your scarf, he couldn't help, but to make another dumb joke, connected to you spitting on him.

Johnny:  Would definitely bug you about, why you suddenly acted all shy and blushed everytime he told you to look at him. Started teasing you without knowing the reason, until you finally told him that you had walked in on him showering earlier. Broke out into a huge burst of laughter. "Oh, Y/N you already saw me naked before. What's the problem?" Taeyong: He would definitely try to comfort you. First he wants to know why you've been blushing so hard and acting more shy than normally. Then he would tell you it's not a big deal, generally making you feel more secure. Hugs you and maybe also pinches your cheeks. Yuta:  I can see him not caring that much about you being shy. But when you are blushing, he'll chuckle, poke your cheeks, cuddles you and also tells you, how you look exactly like that cute girl in one of his Animes. Kun:  Very mature about it. Similar to TY, he would make you feel safe. "Y/N there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Really, if you didn't dropped it, either Hendery or Leon would have and in contrary to them you at least cleaned up the shards." Doyoung:  100% him touching, poking and pinching your cheeks. He would most likely laugh at you without any problems, but if someone else laughs at you, he probably switches into protector-mode, hugging and comforting you. Ten:  Annoyingly asks you why you were so shy and blushing all the time. Goes up to that moment where he tried to convince you that he will die, if you won't tell him. Naturally you can't let that happen, unlocking your phone and showing him a picture Kun sent to you. The two of were laughing at the dorm, looking like two maniacs. "Why are you embarrassed about it? It's cute. We should use it for our next Christmas cards." Jaehyun:  Finally, our valentines boy! Thinks you're super cute while blushing. Actually likes your shy side a lot and cuddles you, while calling you new nicknames. "My cute little flamingo!" WinWin:  Also kind on the unbothered side for most of the times. Just ignores your blush, knowing you want it to go away and pointing it out, wouldn't help at all. Sometimes he would blush too, especially if it is a situation where he is the reason for your blush. Jungwoo:  In the past few months he's been confusing everyone. He used to be a shy and reserved puppy, but now he said his hobby is Netflix and Chill with a smirk... Either way I think I'll go with him being shy too, for no reason. You were playing with your hair, while watching him reading through new lyrics. When he looked up and met your eyes, you both flushed red and quickly looked everywhere but at each other. Lucas:  I really don't know how he would act. He's embarrassing himself all the time, but mostly doesn't care and continues being weird. So for you, he'll probably laugh or at least chuckle a bit, crushing you in his arms. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE he's being shy too. Deep below I can see a very sensitive person in him, so that's where his enormous hugs come from. Mark:  Mark is the king of shyness. You remember how he tried explaining some lyrics, yeah? Well, he would have no idea why you were blushing and hiding in your sweater palms. A bit confused at first, but after he knew what caused your cheeks to burn up, he'll chuckle awkwardly and ignore it, waiting for you to calm down. In very few cases, CUDDLES. Have you seen him with Winwin? Xiaojun:  He would ensure that nothing serious caused your sudden shy behavior. Like you spilled a bit of water on the table. After a short chuckle by himself, he tries to get you to laugh over the situation and forget it shortly after. However if it was something serious, he would pull you into his arms and reassures you, everything is fine. Hendery:  I can see him being the actual reason why you were blushing the whole evening. Every other minute he tells you cheesy, but cute pick-up-lines, not noticing what it does to you. Eventually he did and stopped, laughing at your behavior, but when you bid him goodbye, he couldn't resist telling you a last one."It's not 'see you tomorrow'. It is 'see you soon'

because I'll meet you in my dreams" At this point I want to add a cringe pick up line for Mark that I found. It's a bit mean but if you take it with humor, read it, if not, skip the note. Did you just fart? 'Cause you blew me away.... Renjun:  I can't decide whether he would chuckle at you or try to make you feel less shy. He knows how it is to be teased about something embarrassing (geurae naegen neoppuniyAa), but he also teases the members a lot, so maybe it'll be depending on the situation. If it's about something big like cracking your voice on national TV he would comfort and reassure you, probably some cuddles. Also tries to make you forget it. If it's because of an unimportant situation he would laugh at you. The way you just walked into a closed door? Hilarious. He would bring it up weeks later, turning you into a shy mess once again. Jeno: I can totally see him being a safekeeper, inviting you into his arms and cuddling you, until you are ready to face other people again. Except for the cases where you stay where you are and mumble into his shirt what happened, making him laugh and squeeze you a bit more. Haechan:  Definitely in team teasing! He is probably the most annoying one in Nct and with you? Good luck, he is even more annoying. When you spontaneously went to the store, to buy a new bottle of your favorite bodywash and your boyfriend decided to tag along, you hadn't thought it would end like this. You just picked the bottle, when he screamed "How on earth smells 'Fresh Mountain breeze. Or here, look 'Chocolate cookie cream tart'." The few people who were standing in the same row giving you weird looks, causing you to blush and embarrassingly trying to pull him away from the different bodywash's. "No, look here is one called 'hot winternight wood'. Why are there such stupid names?" His outburst making you blush more. "Haechan, come on. Let's go home." Finally he looked at you noticing the red hue covering not only your cheeks but your whole face and of course he started laughing more. "You are so embarrassed, aren't you? Actually it should be the person who chose these silly names. I mean how can you call a simple bodywash 'Sparkling Starlight Rain'?" You couldn't help the laughter that now flowed uncontrollably out of you, forgetting your prior flustered state and enjoying your happy boyfriend. Please ignore this being long af Jaemin:  Would definitely tease you in a cute way. Means, he's chuckling and poking your red cheeks with his fingers, cooing something along the lines of "My Y/Nie. My little Angel is so cute when blushing." *cue you blushing more* YangYang:  Most likely also part of the teasing line, but also comforts you. He and hyuck are literally best friends. You really wish you could turn back time at the moment. YangYang invited you to the WayV dorm for the first time, but you already knew the rest of the boys, so you were pretty chill, walking down the street, breathing the cold air in. Maybe a bit too chilled, considering the fact you had pressed the wrong doorbell and with that, got to know their old neighbor, who ignored your apologizing and accused you of pulling a prank on her, especially after she heard, you were the s.o of the 'loud screaming kindergarten-boy'. When you arrived at the right door, you were greeted by Hendery, Lucas and YangYang laughing loudly. "Did you really just rang the wrong doorbell?!" Making you feel the blood rise to your cheeks. "Come in, you need to tell us everything she said. We only heard the end where she called me a kindergarten boy." Shyly you sat on the couch, fiddling with your fingers, after you finished talking, waiting for the boys to stop laughing at you. Suddenly your boyfriend latched himself onto you, comforting you in a big hug. "If you want to, we can really pull a prank on her the next time, you visit." Shotaro: Similar to Jungwoo. I still need to figure this boy out. He made those tiktok's, but now he is the cutest little smiling otter. Anyway, I think it's depending on the situation. If it is because of something one of you

said or did, he'll get shy too, copying your mannerism and surely goes into 🦦mode. If someone else caused it, he probably tries to stay calm and gets you to calm down too. Sungchan: I get a comfortable and reassuring vibe from him, so he'll kinda be like TY. When he first wanted to introduce you to the rest of the members you suddenly became really shy and tried to hide behind his back. He was confused at first, but soon found out that you were 'just' nervous. "Trust me Y/N, they are going to like you. Please don't worry! I'm not going to leave your side, okay?" Chenle:  This boy, honestly he would be laughing in his best dolphin at you. "Y/N you look like a tomato. What happened?" Which leads to you, trying to hide behind your hands. "Nothing." Of course he wouldn't believe you, switching his technique to tickling you. "Tell me what happened!" But you surprisingly stayed strong and instead settled for cuddling with your boyfriend to distract him and hopefully recover yourself from your heavy blushing. Jisung:  I have a feeling it would be mutual. Like you two just accidentally bumped your heads together and immediately started apologizing. You are both super embarrassed and shy about the situation, but eventually you will forget what happened or just ignore it. UNTIL someone brings it up again and both of you are blushing like crazy AGAIN.

#nct #nct reaction #nct scenarios #nct 2020 #nct dream #nct 127 #WayV #Nct U #request #first request #open requests #readerxmember #kpop #kpop reactions #Taeil #Jonny #Taeyong #Yuta #Kun #Doyoung #Ten #Jaehyun #Winwin #Jungwoo #Lucas #Mark #Xiaojun #Hendery #Renjun #Jeno

[sagamemes]

critrole sentences starters  ---  shadow of the crystal palace.   under the cut, you can find a total of 137 lines of dialogue from critical role’s call of cthulhu one-shot. as this contains both in and out of character sentences, there are options for modern and old timey or more eloquent muses alike. themes of the paranormal, heists, secret missions, light and darkness are sprinkled all around this sentence meme, but a good chunk is also usable by just about any muse. oh, and a lot of cat talk. as always, feel free to alter to fit your muse!

❝  good luck, may light and knowledge prevail.  ❞

❝  consider your words heeded, sir.  ❞

❝  hopefully, you can carry it.  ❞

❝  i didn't have time to have it actually translated. if i recall, that's a review of the latest sailor moon musical.  ❞

❝  she just wished me goodbye a minute ago in a text, i don't know what it means.  ❞

❝  i want you in constant communication with us if you feel anything untoward, anything out of the ordinary at all.  ❞

❝  we're not alone.  ❞

❝  i imagine no one really wants to stay to hear the end of this speech.  ❞

❝  could you try to enjoy this a little less?  ❞

❝  are you?  /are/ you getting it out of your system?  or are you just getting started?  ❞

❝  i'm more like a... tuning fork.  ❞

❝  there are definite... bonuses to this little adventure.  ❞

❝  what am i gonna do to you?  ❞

❝  you're a good scientist who follows data.  ❞

❝  most things that die in here, they never really leave.  ❞

❝  perhaps we should try to get the thing that the rich guy wants?  ❞

❝  i think we're doing more than just delivery.  ❞

❝  i am a little worried about us getting discovered sneaking about here, though.  ❞

❝  man was not meant to live within glass.  ❞

❝  i'd say it's been fun but i'd be lying.  ❞

❝  i suppose that's just a loss on the champagne then, isn't it?  ❞

❝  poor [name]. i picked you especially for this.  ❞

❝  we may be able to walks around unencumbered tonight.  ❞

❝  my pants are exciting, just in the wrong way.  ❞

❝  is there anything you /can/ do?  fight?  run?  be prey?  ❞

❝  you like to lead---after you.  ❞

❝  it happens, you know. sometimes you shatter... artefacts.  ❞

❝  i am so delighted that you are stuck here trying to find a lightswitch.  ❞

❝  my kanji is at about second level.  ❞

❝  bless your ignorance, child.  ❞

❝  i do love a good poker.  ❞

❝  have you ever tried to pull the sword, the excalibur sword, from the stone at disneyland?  it's got just enough give to irritate a child for hours. i say---definitely not from /experience/.  ❞

❝  i am here to make sure we're safe from threats on the other side.  ❞

❝  it is for people such as ourselves to know. and then we protect the general public.  ❞

❝  jesus, why am i following you people?  ❞

❝  you can make the story a little less about him and a little more about you.  ❞

❝  he's been very good to me.  ❞

❝  i'm here to make sure this car stays on the rails, as it were. and to assist, of course.  ❞

❝  i was concerned when i first met you.  ❞

❝  is it pictures of all of our possessed bodies?  ❞

❝  grant me my wish, make me big.  ❞

❝  we're just gonna go to the cat room and we're just gonna hang out there for the whole time.  ❞

❝  i believe it's better for the general public to believe your [writings/stories/tales] are fiction.  ❞

❝  i'm beginning to think i'm the only one with any sense here.  ❞

❝  i may be requesting your services again in the future.  ❞

❝  it's just a little trinket from my country.  ❞

❝  you need to know when to cut and run!  look, i've got debt across europe but it's not worth dying over!  ❞

❝  it's like a script you keep reciting from.  ❞

❝  they wish to talk, in their own way.  ❞

❝  care to place a wager?  i'm feeling very confident.  ❞

❝  nobody knows the value of a good redshirt anymore.  ❞

❝  oh, fuck a duck, where are we going?!  ❞

❝  i'm so confident, i will put 10% of my earnings from this job on the line.  ❞

❝  i had my suspicions, you fraud.  ❞

❝  what did you do to the light?!  ❞

❝  mirrors are liars. they only show us what we expect to see.  ❞

❝  i have some contingencies if things go wrong and will be waiting for your signal.  ❞

❝  i mean, if you're looking at it from the right angle, you're just taking it back.  ❞

❝  i fucking love cats, let's go.  ❞

❝  did you learn /that/ at the [institute/school/etc]?  ❞

❝  nothing to worry about, just go about your business!  ❞

❝  [you're/he's] a shower away from pretty again.  ❞

❝  they've never hurt me.  ❞

❝  i've had a string of bad luck for a while.  ❞

❝  we've been speaking to the other side for thousands of years. and our understanding evolves and changes with the passing of the years, but the core remains the same.  ❞

❝  there's so much sexual tensioooon...  ❞

❝  no one ever goes to a museum and reads the labels, it's really frustrating.  ❞

❝  i would ask you to leave and never speak of this again.  ❞

❝  oh, you fucking brilliant bastard.  ❞

❝  you're not really a cat person, are you, [name]?  ❞

❝  i know how that sounds, i know what i saw.  ❞

❝  i got it the last time i went to russia.  ❞

❝  mommy and daddy don't need to know about the necklace, though.  ❞

❝  and i do hope we meet again sometime, [name], before the next time world needs saving.  ❞

❝  wouldn't you agree that there are dark corners in this world, easier to find than the light?  ❞

❝  well, /i/ don't like to toot my own horn, but if [name] will, i can't forbid him.  ❞

❝  we're gonna take a moment to collect ourselves and have a stiff drink of something.  ❞

❝  god, you look like a ghost, [name].  ❞

❝  i may be the one non-believer in the group.  ❞

❝  it was certainly someone who looked like her. could've been anybody.  ❞

❝  i was so looking forward to murdering the rest of you.  ❞

❝  i didn't go to medical school, /period/. ph., not m.d.  ❞

❝  just don't make too much trouble, alright?  ❞

❝  you've been hand-picked for your skills.  ❞

❝  i've actually read it as well. i think you sell yourself short.  ❞

❝  your pants are more exciting than mine right now.  ❞

❝  i feel like i should be haunting a house right now.  ❞

❝  he was a problematic mess even by the standards of his time.  ❞

❝  oh, you know, just little things you learn at finishing school.  ❞

❝  you're not a useful doctor, are you?  ❞

❝  honestly, i feel quite ignorant that i didn't put it together myself.  ❞

❝  i'm an archivist, not an adventurer.  ❞

❝  just repress!  that!  shit!  ❞

❝  oh, no, i'm just so enamoured. we very rarely have the ability to socialise with such esteemed guests.  ❞

❝  we might've fucking killed ourselves.  ❞

❝  i think i'll have a nightlight for the rest of my life now.  ❞

❝  i love a good potato clock though, i almost bought one.  ❞

❝  my mum said i'm the most handsome boy is school.  ❞

❝  [chuckling] that's a little mythology joke for you!  ❞

❝  there's minimal security as long as you don't go into the upper floors.  ❞

❝  what have they done to you?  have they hurt you?  ❞

❝  this is getting a bit rich for my taste. [insititute/workplace] does not pay /quite/ that well.  ❞

❝  i believe you are more spot-on than perhaps you even realise.  ❞

❝  we will come up with a good excuse for your back. there's shattered glass in there.  ❞

❝  it's a bit... dizzying in here. does anyone else feel that?  ❞

❝  you do not know what this has cost me.  ❞

❝  he stole it. so i punched him in the face.  ❞

❝  i'm a book doctor, not a blood doctor.  ❞

❝  the idea of walking home in a mist without another living human being there nearly gave me a heart attack.  ❞

❝  i'd like to thank you for your discretion.  ❞

❝  it's a little less of the killing of the dragons and a little bit more of running for your bloody life.  ❞

❝  some of us are just so sharp we could cut ourselves.  ❞

❝  one more pitch to run for the fucking door.  ❞

❝  he's a charlatan, isn't he?  ❞

❝  the trouble with sacrificial magic is it requires sacrifice.  ❞

❝  there's something about you they really don't like.  ❞

❝  the only way we can protect ourselves is to know what we're protecting ourselves from.  ❞

❝  it's a bit of a lark, isn't it?  that's why i agreed.  ❞

❝  i know about this. this is my design. and some /asshole/ put his name on it.  ❞

❝  never owned a cat in my life.  ❞

❝  i say this with as much honest and relative humility as i can:  do i look like the sort of person that they would tell where the champagne is hiding?  ❞

❝  he didn't go into medical school for you to call him /mister/ [name].  ❞

❝  you have an honest face.  ❞

❝  it never hurts to be prepared, and i'm a big believer in being prepared. and i'm willing to spend on it.  ❞

❝  look you were very worried about this chest;  we opened it, it's fine!  ❞

❝  we will never see each other again.  ❞

❝  we're all just reaching for the same truth and describing it in different ways, i imagine.  ❞

❝  the things i've seen you wouldn't want to wish on your worst nightmares.  ❞

❝  take a lantern, you piece of shit.  ❞

❝  he wrote some very, very nice reviews of the best gay brothels of japan when he would walk around. and a pamphlet on farting.  ❞

❝  [suggestively] well, if you're looking for a /heat source/...  ❞

❝  few things in this world are not somewhat haunted. this, i believe, is very.  ❞

❝  do you know that they invented an electrical device in japan in 1776?  ❞

❝  i would really run.  ❞

❝  i'm sorry, did you say  ' paid off the judges ' ?  ❞

❝  it burns like acid.  ❞

#rp meme #rp sentence starters #sentence starters #sentence meme #rp sentence meme #* sentences. #* meme. #i did not expect the eldrich horror content sentence meme to somehow possibly the least triggering in here but-

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate “Mini Review” 1: About Male Abuse

Alex ze Pirate is in my opinion the WORST “comic” series Dobson has ever written up until this point (date for archives: June 2020). Sure, I agree with people that his “hot take” comics on Star Wars Fans, political issues and virtue signaling for the sake of making brownie points are worse overall cause they are uneducated propaganda that give insight in how much of a loathsome human being driven by spite he genuinely is, but Alex “offends” me as someone who enjoys fiction. It may not be the worst thing ever written, but it just does so many things wrong in terms of storywriting, storytelling, presentation and creating fictional characters, I can’t help but wonder what went wrong that Dobson even remotely thought this thing would be a “successful” comic series to establish him as a creator. Cause I can tell you, having read the likes of Don Rosa’s work on Disney, Hilda, Cleopatra in Space, Spirou, Asterix, One Piece (of which I will talk a lot in my next few posts) and many more, I can confirm by comparison that Dobson’s pirates as a published comic would have only one use on the public shelves: alternative for toilet paper during the COVID-19 epidemic

 Believe me, I would love to write an in depth analysis of everything wrong with Alex ze Pirate, from the lazy artwork up to even the publication history of this trainwrack. But doing so would take a lot of time and there is one individual part of this I think deserve at least extra attention. Something that in my opinion embodies quite well a lot of things I consider wrong with this comic. So before I am going over Alex in its entirety (and believe me, the day will come) let me just talk within the next few posts about one certain aspect and story of the comic, that genuinely got me to loath this comic to the core: Sam the Cabin Boy and “his” own individual story Dobson drew in three parts around 2010.  

For starters, lets talk who Sam is: Sam is one of the main characters in the comic and actually the first person who joined Alex and Peggy in the initial pages of Legends, the “original” form of Alex ze Pirate.

See, back in 2004, Dobson released Alex ze Pirate in form of a single comic volume called “Legends” which features Alex trying to recruit a crew. The thing is around 78 pages thick and based on what I saw pretty terribly paced. For comparison: When Luffy in One Piece got his crew together, he spend multiple volumes and at least three minor story arcs to get Zoro, Nami, Sanji and Usopp to join him. All while also giving us good insight into the kind of people his new crewmates were (especially Sanji’s and Nami’s backstory got to me), defeating the likes of Buggy and Captain Black, meeting Dracula Mihawk and defeating one of the biggest bastards Eichiro Oda ever created in form of Arlong. What is the story how Sam joins the crew? An orphanage organizes an auction and sells kids off. Which I assume was even illegal in pirate times, so kudos for already showing us how despicable the world of Alex ze Pirate is to begin with and how much it deserves to be nuked in some sort of alien invasion.

 Sam also doesn’t really get anything to do when he is introduced, just helping Alex escape on a small boat. Which is weird because he does not know her at all, she is just some stranger who bought him off and has no means to keep him in check, so why even bother following her and not let the mob get rid of Alex? 

Anyway, I wish I could tell more about Sam’s involvement in Legends, but I don’t have really more than some scans of it in the beginning and near the end. So I don’t know his involvement in the rest of the volume. I also can’t say how he plays out in volume two, because that does not exist at all. Cause for reasons I will never understand, Dobson just abandoned the idea of telling a “coherent” and ongoing story with Alex ze Pirate and instead went to his colored one page comics/strips with it, turning it into what some people called “Garfield with Pirates” (which I consider a genuine insult towards any newspaper comic out there, even something as Boondocks). And the first thing we see of Sam in “classic” Alex ze Pirate?

 The perverted dwarf of the crew showing of his shota underwear so that Alex and Sam stop bickering who is the cutest, leaving him embarrassed and humiliated.

 Which kinda sums up his role in the comic to a t. Cause this is what Sam is: He is the buttmonkey of the crew. And honestly, I would not have a total problem with Sam being a buttmonkey, if a) he wasn’t it all the time, b) he would actually do something to deserve any form of humiliation and c) if the other characters in this comic itself would not be some of the biggest assholes I have ever seen, who get away with abusing the poor lad.

 See, here is the problem: In a crew featuring a choleric homophobic soulless ginger

 A black rat person who wants to fuck the ginger even without her consent

 A furry abomination that has the same brain wavelengths as Chris Chan 

And a perverted dwarf who tries to impersonate Happosai from Ranma 1/2

 Sam is the only decent person in the entire crew. He works hard, he even questions the morality of his friends at times, he is honest, he is not perverted, almost good to the point of childish innocence and he has a very humble “goal” which is he wants to own his own piece of gold. Not even a big pile of treasure, just one single coin would be enough for him.

 So he is likeable and relatable. In fact, if anything goes by, he may have been one of the most popular ones in the comic. And yet he is the one who gets constantly abused by “fate” and his friends, because as Dobson would say it, he is supposed to be the buttmonkey. There is just one problem: People do not necessarily like buttmonkeys.

I can primarily speak only for myself here, but I hope what I have to say resonates with others too. See, I get it: A character who is the butt of a joke can be fun. Like Daffy in Duck Amuck. But there is a fine line where a character being humiliated for the sake of a joke is fun (and perhaps even deserved because of his own shortcomings or deeds/actions that make the humiliation sort of kharmic, like lets say Johnny Bravo) and a character being humiliated to the point it feels disproportional, unfunny and mean spirited if not outright sadistic, can be crossed. Take Meg Griffin from Family Guy for example whose only “purpose” for existing within the last 12+ years is to get shat on by her family and the writers. People have no idea for a plot with her, so what do they do? Have her father physically and emotionally abuse her, fart in her face for what is supposed to count as a joke and then add additional insult to it by acknowledging that they are only doing this, because they have no other idea for her and think abuse is fun. Let me just tell you from experience, it is not.

And that is essentially what Sam is: He is the Meg Griffin of Alex ze Pirate, used by his creator as the butt of very unfunny jokes, even if he does not deserve any of the things said or done to him. Want to see some examples?

 How about the description Dobson gives Sam within the introduction of one of his volumes, showing how little Dobson as the creator even cares for him.

Why is he called an unworthy “slob” if he is the only one who actually works? Shouldn’t a slob be someone like Dobson, who can’t even take care of himself anymore? Also the confirmation that he was kidnapped at the age of 16. And as we have no clarification how much time passed between Legends Vol. 1 and anything afterwards, that means that in a way Alex is a child abuser.

And now, here some examples by the rest of the cast. Like Uncle Peggy framing him for all sorts of his perverted actions and even trying to kill him for no apparent reason?

Alex trying to kill him with chicken pox…

…Destroying all his worldly posessions which is hilarious because he is a poor orphan…

…Essentially describing him as worthless because he was born with an Y-chromosome…

… doing the kind of thing Dobson claims women would never do to man, using their sex appeal to hurt them…

…forcing him to do some unnecessary and rather petty work for her in a physics defying manner (seriously, the way he holds the axe does not compute with how he swings it. Try it out yourself)

… stealing his food and just being a cruel sadistic cunt to him just because it is fun.

Which is “funny” in so far as that there are a few comics indicating she would jump his dick and ride it like a little pony if she could.

 By the way, Talus and Atea are not better. None of them calls Alex out on her bullshit on average, Atea uses Sam to trigger traps in one story arc…

And Talus, the closest to a “friend” he is supposed to have, once for no apparent reason made him dig through his litterbox

And don’t get me even started when the characters decide to gang up on Sam, to the point he gets sexually harassedor is called to be less worth as a human being than the dirt you find in your belly button

Fuck’s sake, even in fanart everyone gangs up on him, even the freaking big bad of the story everyone is supposed to hate or be afraid of

 Bottom line, Sam is an abuse victim played for laughs in this comics. And just to clarify, I do not think this was Dobson’s intention. But if the character is undeservingly the butt of jokes for the majority of over 120 strips, it turns nasty. The way Sam is treated, I just find disgusting and indictive of just how unlikable any other character in this comic is to the point I do not want to see this being turned into a proper “franchise”. And I assume others were disgusted by it too, cause Dobson eventually decided to make a story more or less addressing the treatment Sam receives, while also attempting to prove that deep down the assholes with starring roles in this trainwrack care for him. How did this play out? Well, I am going to talk about it, so likely not well. If you want to see the details, grab yourself some popcorn and take a toilet break before we tackle part 2 of this thing.

#andrew dobson #so you are a cartoonist #sjw #comics #comic #webcomic #alex ze pirate #sam the cabin boy #legends #tom preston #disgusting #male abuse #unfunny

[junnie133]

so you HAD to date a princess don't you.

A fic about my version of the Modern with magic Linked Universe AU for your Modern with magic Linked Universe AU needs. Available in ao3 too. Relationships: Sky/Sun. And practically all the LU boys. 

{+}{+}{+}

“You two look terrible”

“You look terrible. They look like shit”

“And you two aren’t helping at all”

Honestly, Sky couldn’t care less about Warriors and Legend’s banter, or Four shutting them up for his and Hyrule’s sake. Sky only wanted to sleep, even a short nap was fine, but of course, he wouldn’t be complaining if he could actually do it.

It was movie night at Legend’s house- err, well, more like Ravio’s Shop’s basement. Legend was never around these days, not since Marin anyway, so the place was practically Ravio’s now, with their semi-pink haired friend dropping by every once in a while to provide some rare merchandise for the magical shop (mostly monster parts and weird artifacts Ravio managed to restore and sell for ridiculous prices). But as it was said, it was movie night, so Legend absolutely could not miss this. If he did, Wind would search him in the boiling depths of the Death Mountain or among the creepy mist of the Lost Forest, only to drag him over and see Pirates of the Caribbean with them. Again.

He groaned, if he fell asleep during the movie, Wind would kill him, so he stopped trying to get comfortable enough to sleep on Ravio’s couch and opened his eyes, his sclera blood-red thanks to many nights without a proper night of real rest.

“Dude, you look like you’re high,” said Wild next to him.

“You sure know a lot about it, Wild'' scoffed Warriors.

“You bake brownies one time...” he sighed exasperatedly. “I only did it because ‘Rule asked me to!”

“So now I am the addict” Hyrule groaned. “There’s a difference between being a junkie and experimenting with medical herbs because you’re a freaking med student”

“Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that” Warriors rolled his eyes “Be glad Artemis didn’t send you two to jail. Where did you get so many hyrule herbs anyways?”

“They grow naturally in the Faron Forest” Wild shrugged. 

“And anywhere else all over Hyrule. That’s why they’re hyrule herbs” said Hyrule matter-of-factly. “They have a lot of medical uses, it’s not entirely recreational like the media makes it look like,” he said with sarcasm. 

Usually, their gentle friend wasn't this… Legend-like salty, but if anyone understands Sky's lack of sleep and craving for a good rest night right now, of course, it was the med student among all of them. 

“I heard it helps to sleep, too…” slurred Sky, trying to keep himself awake enough to keep up with the conversation.

“No way Sky,” gaped Warriors, as Legend wheezed to his side. Wild and Four were laughing as well, but Hyrule seemed too tired to do more than a smile, slightly amused. “How is that you, future King of Hyrule, smoke weed?” 

Sky grinned lazily and rolled his eyes. “I want to see all of you studying to be a king” he sighed. “Impa is cool and all, but she kicks my butt every time I slack off. I haven’t slept as I want since I began my studies with her”

Warriors suddenly grimaced at that. “Yeah, don’t mess with General Impa”

“That’s what you get as the fianceé of an actual princess I guess” shrugged Four.

“And sometimes Purah scares me” he continued with a haunted gaze lost in the void ahead of him. 

“She and Flora made me eat a frog once” Wild spoke up. “It was alive”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me” Legend deadpanned. 

“Only once, tho?” asked Hyrule.

“I actually cooked the other two, thank you very much”

“Ok, enough talking about eating raw frogs and smoking hyrule herbs” interrupted Four before someone said anything else. Sky and Hyrule glared weakly at him, and the shorty rolled his eyes “For reasonable and, uh, medical reasons, whatever”

“Medical knowledge” Hyrule corrected.

“That’s what I said. So can we please talk about something else before Time, or Hylia forbid us, Wind hears us talking about smoking weed?”

“What?” they all looked over the stairs, only to find, thankfully, just Twilight holding two big bowls of popcorn in each hand. He was glaring directly at Wild, who quickly shot his arms up, trying to look innocent. “Damn it Wild, you brought brownies?”

“That was only one time!” he shouted.

“There’s no weed here, country boy. Chill” said Legend. 

“Don’t do that kind of jokes here” he sighed, putting the bowls down on the coffee table right in front of the TV. “Time can take them very seriously…”

“As if Wind hadn’t tried hyrule weed already” scoffed Legend.

Sky grimaced. Thinking about the sweet, tiny, innocent Wind they all knew since he was born smoking weed wasn’t something cute to think about, and if it made him upset one could only imagine Warriors’ own reaction. The big brother in question, not only the oldest of three but Captain of the Royal Guard who only received orders from General and Princess Zelda the CXIV (or Artemis for short), spluttered and tried to smack Legend on the head at the same time, but the asshole only dodged the hit and laughed right on his face.

“He’s at that age!” he said as an excuse like he needed any to mess around with Warriors’ big bro mental sanity. “And it’s not that illegal. ‘Rule said it, the thing’s used for medical purposes”

“I will have to make sure you don’t have illegal amounts on this house then” War crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Legend in the Captain mode they rarely got to see.

“Oh c’mon pretty boy, it’s only a joke”

“If that’s so you wouldn’t mind me asking Ravio”

Legend glared back. “You wouldn’t dare”

“If he doesn’t talk I just have to threaten him to close the shop”

“You really want to see him kneel and pray, and possibly cry?” he raised a brow.

“Ugh dude, I feel awful when Ravio cries, he’s such a nice guy...” scowled Wild.

“Nice guy or not, the law is the law,” said Warriors.

“Arresting the nice guy who makes us lemonade and is the only one who can shut Legend up without restraining him physically?” Four raised a glass of lemonade as proof.

Legend blushed and his glare moved to him, as Warriors nodded, convinced. “You know what? I’m not even at service right now, and I’ll give you that only for the last reason”

“You also like the lemonade,” said Twilight.

“And I also like the lemonade” nodded the Captain again.

Sky knew the kind of blush dusting Legend’s cheeks right now. It was the same he got when he thought about Sun and her beautiful smile, or Sun feeding Crimson, or Sun while she was studying, so gorgeous with her hair pulled up into a ponytail and a tiny frown on her face as she tried to memorize legal concepts and the kingdom’s history… 

He could happily drift off with that blessed image.

...if it wasn’t because of his loud friends.

“Who’s ready for Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World’s End?!”

Wind showed up with a DVD case on his hands after jumping from halfway downstairs to the basement, raising the thing up over his head with one hand like he just found an amazing treasure from a chest. He could faintly hear a tiny triumphant tune in the back, something like dan-dan-dan-daaaaan!, but after a second Sky shook his head. It surely was only the lack of sleep finally hitting on him.

“Why didn’t we just watch it on Fairyflix or something? I don’t pay the subscription for nothing” asked Warriors, annoyed.

“It’s a retro movie night” the kid announced proudly, as Time walked down the stairs calmly after him.

“Since when CD’s are retro?” Time asked aloud to no one in particular, muttering under his breath about being old. He seemed to be personally offended.

“How did you get it, anyway? I thought you had nothing left from your allowance after paying your and Tetra’s last bail” War asked again.

“Tetra lent it to me” the kid answered easily (like it was normal for a fourteen-year-old to pay his own prison bails), taking a mouthful of popcorn on his mouth before kneeling down to Legend’s unused CD player, gathering dust on its place under the TV. “There’s no internet on the big open sea, you know?”

“He has a point,” said Four, who fell silent as Warriors glared at him with a loud but wordless ‘Don’t encourage him’ in his eyes. 

Wind’s obsession to be a pirate was well known by all of them, as well as Warriors’ desperate attempts to dissuade him away from the idea.

“Everything ok, Sky, Hyrule?” asked Time, sitting down on the armchair across the room, right next to the TV. He had that worried look on his eye.

“I have finals at school” grumbled Hyrule.

“I’ve been sparring with Impa every day this week” Sky sighed.

Warriors grimaced again. “Surprise training?”

“Yeah…” he answered, defeated. “She says I have to be always alert to protect Sun”

Time shook his head, with a pitying expression on his face. “She wasn’t so strict before,” he said.

“How are you even retired, Old Man?” asked Warriors. 

“Saving Hyrule when you’re a kid and being the Princess’s personal knight for a long time gives you nice retirement pensions” he shrugged. “Also Ganondorf doesn’t like me, he only got rid of me in a nice way”

“No one likes Ganondorf,” said Wind from his place in front of the TV, selecting the language of the movie with the control. “Not even Miss Lullaby. She only married the old fart to prevent a war against the Gerudo”

“Who told you that?” asked Time, amused.

“Tetra” 

“Obviously” huffed War.

If you asked Sky, the Royal Family was a mess. A very organized mess if anything, but a mess nonetheless. Princess Zelda the CXII, or Lullaby for short, was meant to be the heiress to the throne in the first place, but then things got weird with the Gerudo and she offered herself to marry Lady Nabooru’s brother and only male of the tribe. That was like, ten years ago, when the butterflies on his stomach every time he saw Sun didn’t make any sense to a young eleven-year-old Sky. 

“How many years do you have to keep studying, tho?” asked Time to Hyrule then.

“Like two, if Princess Aurora does me a few favors” the brunette answered.

Princess Zelda the CXVII, Aurora for short, was a fragile girl who gets sick very easily. Hyrule was a magic-talented boy who managed to wake her up from a curse (or a common coma, they weren’t really sure) some years ago with his curative magic (and a kiss, but he would never admit that). Ever since, Queen Hylia had been insisting on giving him amazing studying opportunities to take advantage of his wonderful abilities, but Hyrule being the humble traveler he was, declined over and over again, claiming he had no money to pay back. At least until Princess Aurora asked him personally to be her personal healer that’s it.

Like he said. A mess.

“Alright shut up everyone, I’m gonna start this” announced Wind, sitting on the floor near the coffee table, pressing the play button. Everyone made himself comfortable, ready to relax, and enjoy their weekly movie night.

The last thing Sky remembers before falling asleep was Wind and Wild fighting over a bowl of popcorn, Twilight trying to act as a mediator, Legend making bets on who would win with Four leaping forward to take the other bowl and Hyrule curling to his side, as Warriors screamed and Time looked at all of them with his Disappointed Look™. 

Falling asleep so soundly in the middle of their own apocalypse only spoke how much sleep Sky lacked lately. But as Legend would say, he HAD to date a princess, doesn’t he?

#They gather up to watch a movie #That’s it #that’s the whole fic #time #warriors #hyrule #sky #sky pov #legend #four #wind #wild #twilight #war being a big bro #linked universe #modern au #but with magic #*sparkles* #wind calls ganon an old fart here #wind also pays his own bails #he's 14 #warriors won't allow him be a pirate #mentions of weed #hyrule weed #hyrule herbs #yes #med student hyrule #soon to be king sky #wind likes pirate movies

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.82

Keith was shaking. Staring at Lance’s empty room, he couldn’t stop shaking. Lance was supposed to be in his or visiting Garrison, not gone from VOLTRON without a word of goodbye. The hunter felt as if his heart had been physically crushed as it raced. His boyfriend hadn’t told him he was leaving. He’d packed up and left him behind. He’d disappeared. Sure, they’d been a bit shaky the past few days, but they’d made up. They’d cuddled on the sofa until cuddling wasn’t enough. They’d kissed... Lance... Lance hadn’t said... Was this because of him? Because he wanted to celebrate Lance’s birthday? He wanted to do something nice for his boyfriend. Show him that he was happy Lance existed. And now he was gone. Nothing remained in his room. Not Lance’s clothes. Not his computer or laptop. Not Blue’s litter tray. Nothing at all.

Feeling Coran’s hand on his shoulder, Keith’s watery purple eyes looked his way

“I’m sorry my, boy. I may have been too hard on him this morning. He seemed to have something he wished to discuss with Allura, and I’m afraid he caught me talking with Kolivan and Krolia. He must have left soon after...”

Coran sounded upset. Keith still couldn’t imagine Coran being short with Lance. Whatever had happened, Lance must be really upset to have disappeared on them

“... Number Two, are you okay? I’m most certain Lance wouldn’t have left because of you”

That wasn’t the right thing to say. Keith feeling anger flicker and die out in an instant as coldness set in. He felt cold. Like their was no air in the room. Lance was always going to return home to Garrison... but now he had, it almost felt like he’d been dumped and left behind

“Then why did he leave without saying anything?!”

“I don’t know. If he’s returned to Garrison, perhaps young Matt will know?”

But that didn’t tell him why. They’d made up. He thought they were okay. Maybe Lance not coming home with him meant they weren’t and he was too stupid to get it?

“He... he does this. He walks away when he can’t cope... What did you say to him?”

Lance... Lance wouldn’t leave him. He’d said he loved him

“I... merely... asked him what he was doing and asked that he avoid the main floor due to Lotor visiting... Perhaps he took to that mean... oh, dear. Let’s return to my office and I’ll call Matt, ask him to let Lance know that there was no need to leave as he did”

“Don’t bother. I’ll go see him”

He wouldn’t let Lance decide they were over without telling him why

“I don’t know if the Blades would be comfortable with you leaving”

“Coran, I honestly don’t care. They don’t want us. They don’t want me. They don’t even care about Lance. You heard Kolivan. He basically said if Lance didn’t help that there’d be consequences. Them coming here has reminded me of everything that’s wrong with the Blades. I’m going to go see him. Whether he wants to come back is up to him”

“Maybe I should come with you? Explain the situation?”

Or maybe Coran could stay here. Something made Lance leave and until Keith was sure Coran wasn’t the reason, he wasn’t letting him see his boyfriend. Wiping at his teary eyes, his voice was as cold as he physically felt

“I think you’ve done more than enough”

*

Keith wouldn’t admit he’d nearly gotten himself cleaned up by a truck as he drove to Garrison. His mind on Lance and his well-being, not this shit with Lotor and Coran. He didn’t know for sure Lance would be home, not until he saw the blue bronco parked in front of Lance’s house, still loaded with his boyfriend’s things. Parking his bike up near the front steps, Keith was off the bike and tugging at his helmet within seconds of cutting the engine, too driven to be nervous over Lance potentially dumping him. Running up the front steps, he let himself in. Lance’s house feeling oddly cooler than he remembered. Like Lance not being there had taken the life out of the old manor home

“Lance?!”

Jogging into the living room, he found Pidge sitting on the sofa looking upset. Matt and Rieva sat either side of her, while Hunk sat on the coffee table, Pidge’s hands in his. Keith stumbling slightly because Lance wasn’t there and they all looked thoroughly upset

“Where’s Lance?”

Hunk turned his head towards him, letting go of Pidge’s hands as he did. The man seemed pretty shocked to see him. Did Lance already tell them it was over? Was that why they were upset?

“Out the back... He’s... uh... buried himself... He... didn’t mention you’d be coming, man”

Keith left the rest of the gang there, jogging through the house and out to the backyard. Lance was in the process of sitting up in his shallow grave

“What the fuck?! Why the fuck did you leave like that?! Do you know what it did to me to find you fucking gone! If you wanted to break up, you could have told me to my fucking face!”

Yelling at Lance, Keith threw his helmet at him for good measure. Failing to catch his helmet, it hit Lance in the side of the head with a solid thud

“Mother-ducker! What the hell?! What the fuck, Keith? I thought you were in Platt!? What are you talking about? Didn’t you get my message?!”

Keith crossed his arms, staring down at Lance as Lance tossed his helmet out of his grave and rubbed the side of his head. Only Lance would swear like he’d been autocorrected

“I didn’t get any message! You left!”

Lance wasn’t getting away with it that easily

“I messaged you! Don’t you check your phone?! I made sure to explain that I wasn’t leaving because of you and that I was leaving because I was in the way with my pheromones!”

“Kosmo ate my charger!”

Both their heads jerked back as realisation hit them. Keith moving to pinch the top of his nose in a very Shiro way. Lance covering his face with his dirty hands. Both of them groaning, before Lance took a deep breath then slowly released it

“Babe. I messaged you this morning around about 7am”

“I left my phone in my jeans. I went to charge it and found Kosmo had eaten half the cord”

“And you thought I’d left.... God. No, babe... fuck. Wait there”

Lance climbed out his grave soil, brushing himself off before raising his right hand to rest on the spot where Keith’s helmet had hit him. With a wobbly smile, his boyfriend held his left arm out. Feeling really fucking stupid, Keith shuffled over and into Lance’s embrace

“You disappeared”

Tears formed too quickly. Keith sniffling as he rested his head on Lance’s shoulder

“I know. I know how much it scares you, that’s why I messaged you to explain everything”

“I thought you’d left me behind”

“Not permanently. Never permanently. I felt like I overstated my welcome and was just in the way at VOLTRON”

“Coran said he was short with you”

“He kind of was. But I’m not exactly making things easy by being there. Babe, I’m so sorry. I absolutely promise you that I didn’t just leave”

“You could have called”

“Your phone was dead. That’s why you came all the way out here”

Lance’s hand moved from his head to Keith’s back. His boyfriend rubbing it softly as he sighed. Lance knew how much it’d shaken him to find him gone

“I overreacted”

“A little bit. I would never dump you by disappearing. I want to be there for you, not scare you”

“I felt like I couldn’t breathe. What were you even doing buried?”

“Because our dumb friends want to keep investigating and Pidge made a joke about how her death didn’t after because she could always come back as a vampire. First they tell me they’re farting on the investigation, then she says that. I lost my cool and came out here to wallow”

Thank god. Thank fuck. Thank whoever. Lance was okay. He was okay and he didn’t want to break up. God. Keith felt so foolish. He didn’t want to feel foolish. He didn’t want to talk about the mess in his head at the thought Lance being gone from his life

“You haven’t wallowed in a while”

“Nope. Today was just a particularly crappy day”

“My day was shit too”

“What happened?”

“Lotor made the Blades out Shiro and I on the investigation team. He doesn’t want to help us. He won’t until he meets you and sees your ego. And the I found you gone completely and I couldn’t... I couldn’t even breathe. I thought you’d never... I’d never...”

Lance nuzzled into his hair, his boyfriend smelt of damp dirt

“Okay. Okay... You had a scare. Do you want to go somewhere and talk?”

Keith nodded. Matt and Rieva would be laughing at how stupid he was

“Yeah. We need to talk. And you’ve got dirt in your hair”

“Let me take a quick shower, then we’ll get out of here”

*

Keith didn’t know why the only place he knew how to get to in Garrison, other than Lance’s house, was the graveyard. Parking his bike off the road and under the shade of the trees, he and Lance both climbed off his bike. Since Lance didn’t own a helmet, Keith insisted his boyfriend wear his, taking things much slower than he usually would. Pulling off the helmet, Lance set it on the bike, eyeing their surrounds with a look Keith couldn’t put his finger on.

“Babe, I’ve got to tell you, every time we come here I get nervous you’re going to bury me”

Keith shrugged, feeling self conscious. Lance should know better by now

“I don’t know my way around Garrison”

“I know... here, there’s a bench in the cemetery we can sit there and talk”

“You won’t get too much sun?”

“Nah. Plus, I’ve got my big bad bikie boyfriend to protect me”

Keith groaned, how could he not

“I’m not a bikie”

“So you admit you’re big and bad. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get into my pants”

Keith blushed hard. He’d trailed into the bathroom after Lance, sitting on the counter as his boyfriend cleaned up

“Shut up”

Laughing lightly, Lance took him by the hand.

Leading him to the bench, the wood looked hardly sturdy enough to support their combined weight. In the distance a cow let out a lazy moo. Birds were chirping. Life went on around them, yet whenever he was alone with Lance it felt like they were the last people in existence. Alone together in the world. Sitting down, Lance patted the spot next to him, Keith sitting down carefully with a cringe

“Relax. They really knew how to build a bench that lasts back in the day. Now. I’m sorry I left without waiting to say goodbye in person”

“You scared the shit out of me”

“I know. It’s just... I’ve been thinking about coming back for a while now and my presence seemed like it was going to cause more trouble if I stayed at VOLTRON”

“You could have come home with me...”

Lance sighed softly, his hand taking Keith’s. Keith’s stomach dropping at the sound of his boyfriend’s sigh

“You know I can’t. You and Shiro, you need that to be your safe space”

“Are you saying I’m not safe with you?”

“No. No, babe. I would never hurt you. No. I mean... I’m not a hunter. I’m a vampire. My scent clings to you and all it would take is one wolf to scent me and know you’re not what you seem to be. You’re safety is my priority. Then there’s Shiro to think about too. He’s okay with us now, but he’s still working through his trauma over losing Adam. I’m not trying to sound like I’m blaming or belittling him, but that’s his home too. Look... I’m not saying this very well. I would love that in the future. To be there every single day when you come home. To help you. To support you. But I need to work on me and finding my feet again. I need to learn how to balance things and when I with you, I don’t ever want to leave. I love spending time with you. You’re like... like the future. A vampire hunter who really understands there’s more to things than how they appear. At the moment, stopping Honerva needs to be the priority. And I just don’t know what to do with myself”

Lance sounded so sad. So sad that Keith’s heart hurt

“I’m sorry... I thought...”

“You thought I was happy? I was. I really was. You make me so stupidly happy I can’t believe it half the time. But I don’t work for Coran. I became a lawyer to help children, and I don’t think I can use that skill set to help at the moment. My life was... I thought I was fine and now I know what falling in love feels like, I want to work on myself without lies or secrets. I don’t want to be a burden”

“You’re not a burden”

“I feel like it. Like I’m holding everyone back. My pheromones are still all over the place. They were supposed to settle, but they obviously haven’t if Coran thinks I need to avoid the main floor of VOLTRON”

Stupid Coran. Couldn’t he have explained it to Lance without making him feel like shit and stuff

“Coran had no right...”

“He’s just trying to look out for everyone. My scent affects people. You know that for yourself. If I accidentally sent a vampire or werewolf mad and something horrible happened I couldn’t live with that. So much has happened in the last few months that... It really makes me feel small and insignificant. Confused and useless. Like... I knew what I was doing before, but now I’m in deep water and barely know how to keep afloat. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I could have made it this far. My heats leave me a mess. My body’s still changing. But you... you make me feel alive. It’s me who doesn’t know what he’s doing”

Lance’s overthinking had gotten the best of him. He’d left because the man he saw as family had made him feel like a burden

“Babe...”

Lance leaned his head against his shoulder, softly mumbling

“I don’t want to break up”

“I don’t want to break up either. I know you’re not a hunter. You said Pidge was working a case?”

“Rieva still sees Lotor as a threat. She... she wants to help but she’s also too curious”

“Then what do we do?”

Keith felt lost. The idea of Pidge and Hunk being harmed was scary. They were out of their depths

“I don’t know. They’re not going to leave it. I don’t know how to conduct a hunt like you and Shiro. This isn’t a ghost hunt. There’s real evil waiting at the end of this hunt”

“Do... do you want me to say something?”

“To who? Pidge and Hunk are still learning about this world. Coran will worry. Kolivan will probably arrest them again. I got so mad at them. I was mean to Pidge”

Now he got why Lance felt so lost. Instincts told him to yell at the others for being so stupid

“You feel like you have to be here, don’t you?”

“It’s what I’ve always done”

“Where does that leave us?”

“That’s what I’m working out. Is it wrong to want to want work on myself?”

They’d had that conversation more than once. There were half a dozen small ways Keith found himself working on himself without thinking about it

“No. We’ve talked about this. You’re not a hunter... but you know, you really did do a good job when you tried to help us figure out what Antok had done. Lotor wants to meet with you. He told Kolivan he’d only cooperate if Shiro and I were brought in on it and if he got to meet you”

“Oh goody. Prince Turd himself wants to meet me?”

“You’re not shocked?”

Lance raised his head, meeting Keith’s eyes

“If it helps, I’ll do it”

“I don’t think you should”

“Lotor’s holding all the cards right now. Let me guess. He was all like “I won’t help unless you do what I want? I’m a vampire and I’m a douche canoe””

Keith snorted

“You sounded just like him. His conditions were he does nothing until you meet”

“And when is this meeting meant to take place?”

“Kolivan would say as soon as possible”

Lance dropped his head, before rubbing his cheek against Keith’s arm

“Kolivan really doesn’t like me. He wanted to know why I was still in Platt. That reminds me. They were talking about Sendak and a shipping yard. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but it felt important”

“Kolivan’s thinking of apprehending Sendak. He wanted to arrange a meeting. Lotor shot that down. He says he doesn’t want anything to do with his family”

“That might be true... From what Rieva said, I’d run away too”

Keith jerked slightly, confusing on coming out as anger

“You think we should believe him?!”

Lance pulled away, frowning heavily

“What? No. Personally I think Rieva’s biological parents were killed by someone related to Honerva, and that’s why she can’t talk about it”

Rieva had talked... but she’d definitely held stuff back

“If that’s true, then why hasn’t she told the Blades? Or Coran?”

“Probably for the same reasons I can’t talk about being turned. I snapped about it earlier. Tell Kolivan I’ll meet with Lotor, but I need a bit of time first. Just, like, a few days. Maybe like on the weekend? Kolivan can come up with questions or whatever he wants me to try to ask?”

“Lotor doesn’t like questions. Babe... I don’t think this is a good idea”

“Probably not. I was going to talk to Allura about what she thought about him”

Lance was going to go through with it. Keith had known before he asked, but it made him feel sick with the “what-ifs”

“You could go into heat”

“I could. But... I feel like I can do this”

Lance’s ego might have been ruffled. Lance sounded too confident at meeting Lotor. Lance knew Lotor was bad news. Maybe his ego thought it’d be a chance to show Lotor he wasn’t to be dismissed so easily. Keith didn’t like it one but

“You can’t... I won’t let you meet him alone. I don’t want you... I don’t know what he’s going to make of you. He’s part fae and he’s so arrogant that even I feel his ego coming off him. You have to think this through. We don’t need him. We can work it out”

“Babe, Allura is our friend and if she has her heart set on him, I want to see him myself. I know he’s using you and Shiro for his own means, and he’s probably going to fuck with us, but... yeah. I have to do it. Maybe I’ll understand Rieva better if I do?”

Lance loved his friends so much he was stupid. A big fat idiot crumpet. He wasn’t listening to him

“You really are stupid... What am I supposed to if you get hurt?”

Lance leaned back into him

“That’s why I won’t be alone. Coran will be there. You, and Shiro. I won’t meet him alone”

“You trust us to keep you safe from him?”

“Dah. And I trust you not to let my ego get too big. You keep me anchored, and shit”

His boyfriend kissing his arm

“This is a dumb idea”

“Probably, it’s about par for us though”

Keith sighed. They didn’t have a lot of choice

“I wish we weren’t this dumb”

Lance chuckled, squeezing his hand comfortingly. Neither of them in any particular rush to head back to their friends just yet

“So do I. Idiot boyfriends doing idiot things”

Kissing Lance’s hair, Keith buried his face in the soft locks. Lance hadn’t pressed on his abandonment issues, which Keith was grateful given how’d he reacted

“Yeah... two halves of the same idiot right here”

“Damn right...”

#once bitten twice stupid #oncebittentwicestupid #ashratherose

[black-wolf066]

TUA Season 2 Thoughts

Okay, I know I’m extremely late to the game here, and I’m sure a lot of people have already touched base on the good and bad moments of this season; so I promise that the bad points that I do touch upon, will be short cause I do want to focus on what I loved.

First and foremost, I want to say that I did love season 2 with my whole freaking heart! I was ooooooh so very wrong with a lot of my predictions (and right in others *cough* Lila *cough*) but as I continued watching, I couldn’t bring myself to care (not too much anyway, there were a few things I was mad at, but meh).

 I loved seeing Hazel and I loved that the big oaf at least got 20 years with Agnes before she finally passed on. While I wish we could have seen snippets of that life and love rather then just flash backs to them in season 1; I’m still happy that Hazel got to live his life the way that he wanted to live it. Sure, I wasn’t happy that they killed him off, but for plot purposes it made sense—but on a lighter note, at least he could cross over into the afterlife and be happy with Agnes again. Right?

 Elliott is a hoot and I feel so bad that he died. All that poor man wanted was validation that he wasn’t crazy (which he got) and for someone to eat his damn Jell-O (I love ambrosia btw, but even I wouldn’t eat that ambrosia he made… sorry Elliott).

The sibling interactions between ALL OF THEM!!! JUST AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It’s everything I could have hoped for and then some!!! The slap fight between Klaus and Ben on the street, Ben’s “You’re so independent, you fight your own damn battles”. Five and Luther reuniting “She’s too young for you” “Dad should have left him on the moon” (I snort laughed at both of these sentences). Then there’s Klaus and Allison reuniting, Allison not even hesitating to jump into the pool to hug her brother. OR THE WHOLE FAMILY REUNION!!! That Vanya and Allison hug! That hug as Klaus joined in and planted a kiss on the top of Vanya’s head!!!! The whole interaction between Allison and Diego “Can’t say Hi to anyone?” just omg, I could go forking on and on with this, because the banter and snappy comments from all of them are just total sibling culture and I relate sooooooooo much to it. (best believe I will jump on someone’s back like a damn spider monkey to protect my siblings, but I’d also sooner shank them too)

RAYMOND AND ALLISON!!!!! I’m ALLLLLLLLL FOOOOOOR THIS RELATIONSHIP!!!!! LIKE OMG!!!!!! WHY DIDN”T SHE TAKE HIM WITH HER!!!!! THEY ALREADY SCREWED THE TIMELINE UP ENOUGH BY JUST EXISTING THERE IN 1963 ANYWAY!!!! Like seriously, I’m actually upset that she didn’t take him with her, and now it looks like her daughter doesn’t even exist either… like omg Allison, sweet heart. Nooooooo.

I LOVE Luther’s development this season, the fact that he goes to apologize to Vanya, and actually takes blame for what happened, just makes me happy to know that the big lug is trying. Yea I know he took the gun with him, but honestly, I can’t blame him either. He was obviously scared and didn’t know what he would walk into, would she try and kill him again? Like we know the gun wouldn’t do sh*t to help him, but Luther wasn’t sure of that. Plus he never actually pulls it, his hand is constantly on it, but he never pulls it out, which shows that hurting her was not the end game. He wanted to actually apologize and he hoped that his sister would hear him out enough to allow him to do it.

I loved sissy and vanya. The friendship that turned to romance was cute, and while I’m still iffy with it because Sissy was married, I also understand to a small degree that Sissy truly felt stuck. Even without Vanya’s interference, I highly doubt Sissy would have been able to get a divorce and manage to keep possession of her son. Carl is an absolute bag of d*cks, and with Carl having a brother in the police force, who’s to say that they couldn’t spin something that would allow them to take Harlan away from her? I honestly can see a divorce between these two getting messy and none of the outcomes working in Sissy’s favor. She would have never been happy inside or outside of her marriage. But Vanya gave her the hope that she might actually find it. (IDK, I’m still really on the fence with it, and the infidelity, but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy Sissy/Vanya’s cute little moments while it lasted…)

Also, can I just say, Sissy blowing the scent of coffee into Vanya’s sleeping face, was truly and utterly adorable and such a dorky thing to do and I loved it.

ALL OF THE KLAUS AND ALLISON INTERACTIONS!!!! ALL OF THEM!!!

THAT SALON SCENE!!!

THAT DANCE AT THE SALON!!!

Also, not going to lie, Odessa was a bad ass b*tch and I love and will protect that woman as much as I will love and protect Raymond Chestnut. I don’t even care that Odessa was only in a few episodes, that woman stole my damn heart and I truly would have loved to see more scenes with her and Allison and the friendship they had.

The elevator ride going up to the light supper, the freaking conch shell, and the siblings’ interactions during the whole thing (Allison rumoring Diego to punch himself, and Vanya’s cheeky “oops” after showing off her powers, just *chefs kiss*).

Ben and Vanya!!! I FORKING CRIED!!! I had to bloody pause the damn episode because my tears were getting in the way of me watching!!!! (trust me, there was a long moment of silence for Ben after that.)

All of them piling into Vanya’s car on her way to save Harlan. That entire scene was a masterpiece “Child get in the back” followed by Klaus just flopping on top of Diego and Allison, like OMG!!! And Luther… poor Luther “If I hear one fat joke, I’m out”

Everything to do with Five and Older Five was hilarious. I’m sorry call me immature, but the fart jokes were funny (even if they did start to get old after a while). Also, poor Luther, once more. We stan one lousy spotter but a brother who tried his forking best anyway.

Luther being a big (little) brother and covering Allison AND Klaus during the hail of bullets.

Klaus being observant and noting things long before anyone else. Like even at the end, when Vanya was taking her power back, everyone else was watching her but not Klaus. He kept glancing around himself while also taking in the scene periodically. There is something there, I can forking feel it. Between that pill scene in season 1, him looking up to the moon with no reason to do so, him spotting The Handler and Lila, him knowing/guessing that Lila can only mirror one power at a time—despite never actually fighting her himself—it all has to add up to something??? RIGHT???

I didn’t think I would like the Swedes… yet here I am putting them in this column. Still mad that they killed Hazel (but as Five told Lila, the job was a job, it was never anything personal). They hardly had any lines at all but their personalities alone and the little things we saw were just… what the hell but I still loved it. haha.

 I CAN”T WAIT TO SEE IF WE LEARN MORE ABOUT THE OTHER CHILDREN MYSTERIOSULY BORN!!!!! Like I wanna see the sparrow academy kids, but I hope we might learn about a few others too. Like how many of those kids didn’t make it? How many of those kids were born with a twin? Were their any triplets??? Like can you imagine that poor woman who had to give birth to not one child, but two that she didn’t have an hour ago??? (and possibly three even though I doubt there were any triplets… but what if there forking was!!!)

SPARROW BEN!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!! I mean, I’m glad Justin is staying on the show, he’s awesome and I do like Ben, but I’m a bit sad that this won’t be the Ben we’ve seen in the last two seasons (I’ll still eat it up, don’t get me wrong, cause I’m curious to see this alternate Ben, but I’m still sad).

 Also that Vanya and Diego interaction at the end, neither of them having to say anything but still leaning on each other for support, just AHHHHHHHH

The sibling bonds that have begun to form between all of them is what really killed me this season and I loved each and every second of it!!!

 All the one-liners were pretty good too, like the “Ikea mafia” “Think of Batman than aim lower” “Is it too late to be un-adopted?” just efgjoiwengjowegnwrjngwe

Vanya actually using her powers to save someone, and Ben solidifying that fact by telling her she isn’t a monster. 

the music choices!!!! 

 I’m sure I will add more to all of this in another post, I’m still forking reeling over here and can’t get all of my thoughts straight, but goddamn I loved this season! Dysfunctional idiots—the lot of them. But at least they were making dysfunctional decisions together XD

Okay, now for the things I didn’t like…

Again, I’ll be brief cause I know that there are probably plenty of people who have touched on this already and I’m sure you all are sick of seeing or hearing it by now (so feel free to skip over it all together).

Klaus not telling his family SEVERAL TIMES that Ben was there.

Ben possessing Klaus without his consent (and Ben breaking the rules that Klaus had put into place as Ben nearly got frisky with Jill)---like I can’t even say I’m mad that he possessed Klaus at the light supper. I didn’t like it, it made me uncomfortable, but from Ben’s perspective I understood it. to Ben, he felt like he didn’t have a choice, Klaus had constantly taken Ben’s choice away by not telling the family he was there, so if Klaus wasn’t going to tell them on his own, Ben had no choice but to try and do it himself. I get that, I did. But the whole “Burrowed” scene in the elevator made me cringe something fierce.

The fact that we get Klaus looking badass in the first five minutes of the season, and then Klaus basically being useless the rest of the season, pissed me the ever-loving fork off. I mean, come on!!! EVERYONE ELSE FOUGHT LILA!! WHERE THE HELL WAS HE!??? I’m hoping this is all just setting Klaus up to be something greater in the next season, that maybe now that Ben is gone Klaus will have no choice but to relay on himself and tap into that “Potential” that Reginald had hinted at in season 1 (my fingers are soooo crossed that this is the case)

Not getting their reactions to Ben sacrificing himself (I needed more then just seeing Klaus lying forlornly on a bed, I’m sorry, but I definitely needed more than that). Klaus and Vanya’s interaction in the car did not make up for any of it either.

I don’t know where to put my thoughts on Lila and Diego. While I liked them in the beginning, their relationship kinda lost me the moment she spiked him and basically kidnapped him. I like Lila, don’t get me wrong, but that scene made me really uncomfortable too.

The interactions with the Handler and Five. Like okay, I get that the Handler isn’t treating him like a child because basically Five is supposed to be 58, but it’s still forking creepy to see her swaying her hips behind Five who is stuck in his 13-year-old body. Just… no.

The fact that we only see Allison mentioning her daughter 2 times. Like sure, she’s had 2 years to grieve, but I want to see that grief!!!!

How the show tied Sissy and Vanya’s story line up, and how they tied Allison and Raymond’s story line up… like nooooooo. How the hell would Sissy be safe in the past???? Carl’s brother was a forking police officer??? Does she seriously think his brother isn’t going to come after her when he learns his brother is dead????? Also how is Raymond supposed to explain that he suddenly doesn’t have a wife anymore???? These things don’t just fix themselves!!! Like I understand Five saying they couldn’t come, that it could change things beyond repair, but all seven of them existing in 1963 in the first place has already forked everything up enough as it was.

(Ignore me, I’m just salty that we won’t be get any more Raymond/Allison interactions…)

Anyway, negatives pushed aside, I can’t stress enough how i did love the season!!! And I can not wait to see where season 3 goes!!! I HONEST TO GOD CAN NOT WAIT!!! In the mean time, I will be attempting to write several things for season 2… fix-its, in between moments, whatever I can think of. Let’s see where that goes.

#tua #the umbrella academy #tua spoilers #tua s2 spoilers #spoilers #my thoughts #likes and dislikes #i'm late to the game #oof #but at least i still watched it