#this movie made me think christopher Nolan is fucking stupid or something

[psychoticenjolras]

im fully aware academy voters don’t watch the movies they vote on but the idea that oppenheimer is going to beat killers of the flower moon is making me insane with rage right now. did anyone else fucking hate oppenheimer btw

#the editing made me laugh in shock and disbelief multiple times #it was so long and i felt nothing #3 hr 30 min movie there was one singular scene without the obnoxious fucking score #this movie made me think christopher Nolan is fucking stupid or something

[nonbinaryronaldreagan]

nonbinaryronaldreagan movies review

Barbie Movie: 8/10, very lynchian beginning that makes you believe it’s going to be something great, but ultimately devolves into directly stated social commentary. Still conceptually interesting throughout, but just a little too on the nose with everything the more I think about it. Honestly though, it pulls off the directly stated commentary by nature of being a brand movie, it makes it more surprising when they really go there. Kind of reminded me of the 5th element, which I haven’t seen.

Asteroid City: 6/10 FUCK this movie man. Wes Anderson went off the fucking deep end with the stupid narrative structures in this one. Most of his previous movies have random narrative devices, like Grand Budapest Hotel technically being a girl reading a book written by an author who was told the story by an old man, but that’s nothing more than endcaps to the movie that makes you think like oh yeah that’s kind of quirky. Cool deal Wes. But in Asteroid City scenes of the ‘meta’ part of the story are constant, which would be possibly interesting if it felt like it served any real purpose. The whole thing is just too scattered, it entirely lacks focus. So much went into this movie, the acting, the visuals, the presumed creative control given to Wes Anderson to make something this weird, and it all serves a rambling mess that feels like little more than an excuse to have quirky and funny scenes occasionally. It’s still enjoyable, but it never grabbed me emotionally except at the end when I was slightly ticked off that nothing happened the whole film. I watched part of a video on this movie and a guy said that his interpretation was that it’s about the experience of an artist or something but really it’s just hipster bullshit. Don’t watch this one unless you’re a big fan of Wes Anderson already.

Oppenheimer: 2/10 didnt watch this cause it looks like shit #LOL. christopher nolan movies are made for dudes who watch breaking bad and think “wow, walter white is such a badass”

[pitubea1910]

Happy to oblige

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Featuring: Avengers + Harry Styles (random, I know)

Word count: 7k

Warnings: some swearing

Tags: -

Request: -

Notes: it’s been ages but I’m finally posting something again! Hope you like it :)

Masterlist

You were in love with your best friend and he had no idea. Cliché, right? Yes, you couldn’t deny it, but it was still frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time.  

You and Bucky were inseparable since you two met. It turned out that you were the only person -besides Steve- who could keep him calm and, as a matter of a fact, he helped you get over the loss of your family during a terrorist attack that you couldn’t prevent. 

After that day, he showed up at your room every day to check on you. He never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to. If you wanted to spend the day in bed, he could crawl in with you. If you wanted to cry, he could be your shoulder; if you wanted to scream, he would listen; if you needed to punch someone, he would be your adversary. It didn’t matter what you needed: he would give it to you. 

It was kind of impossible not to fall for him, even if it was only one-sided. You had never told him how you felt, so you didn’t really know how he felt about you. However, Steve and Nat kept on insisting that he loved you back. You never believed them. It was easier that way. And, eventually, you got used to those feelings, they became a part of you and you learned to live with them while having him as a friend. 

“You seriously aren’t going to tell him”, Natasha said when she watched you hug Bucky goodbye. He was leaving with Steve and Sam for a meeting with Tony and wouldn’t be back until later that night. 

“How many times do we have to talk about it?” You said, stealing a few popcorns from her bowl. 

“As many times as it takes you to tell him you love him”, she replied. 

“Well, get comfortable then. I’m not telling him”, you shrugged. 

“You are the most stubborn person I have ever met”, she sighed. “He loves you too! You could be living your perfect love story, having mind blowing sex every day and yet, you chose-”

“Friendship, Nat”, you interrupted her. “I chose friendship. Also, you don’t know if he loves me”, you added.

“Of course I do”, she said. “He told Steve.”

You were about to throw a popcorn in your mouth but stopped mid-way. You looked at her, not sure you had truly heard what she had just said. 

“Excuse me?” You asked. 

“Yeah”, she shrugged with a small smile. You narrowed your eyes at her. 

Natasha was a great friend, but she was also really good at deceiving and you knew she would do anything in order to get you two together. Even lying about this. 

“Don’t give me that look!” She said. “I promise I’m not lying. He told Steve at Clint’s birthday party. You were flirting with that guy from the bio team-”

“He was the one flirting with me!”

“Whatever. Bucky was drunk and got jealous, so he spilled the beans to Steve and I happened to be close enough to listen to him”, she shrugged. 

“Clint’s party was weeks ago! Why didn’t you tell me?” You frowned. 

“I thought he would tell you, to be honest. I never thought he would be so slow”, she said with a roll of her eyes. “Too much for a super soldier, huh? Take down terrorists, put himself in the middle of a battlefield, but sharing his feelings it’s too much.”

“Natasha, this is not funny”, you warned her. “If you’re lying…”

“I’m not!” She exclaimed. “Anyway, it’s not like you can say anything. If you did, you would have to admit that I told you and they would know I had been eavesdropping and I would look like a major gossip.”

“And your reputation is way more important than your friend’s happiness?” You asked. 

“Five minutes ago you were refusing to come clean, so don’t try and make me feel bad”, she said. 

You looked at her for a few seconds before grabbing another handful of popcorn and getting out of the living room. Was she saying the truth or was everything a trap to make you confess your feelings to Bucky? Her story seemed too real to be a lie, and you remembered Bucky’s strange behaviour during Clint’s party. Back then, you thought he was just drunk, but maybe he was really jealous. 

You had to find out the truth without exposing Nat. Although you had no idea how to do it.

That night, you came back downstairs after spending the afternoon in your room trying to come up with a way of discovering if Bucky truly had feelings for you. You didn’t have a proper plan, but you had a few ideas. What you didn’t expect was that it would be Tony the one to give you the perfect plan without even knowing it.

“Is everyone back?” You asked Natasha, who was still on the couch, now reading a magazine. 

“Yeah, they came back a while ago. Steve is making dinner”, she said. 

“Oh God”, you mumbled. “Are you ordering pizza, then?”

“Yeah, I have the order ready on my phone. Check it out in case you want to add anything”, she said. 

You took a seat next to Nat and took her phone, doing as she had said. To be honest, Steve was one of the best people you had ever met, but he was a complete disaster in the kitchen. He knew it, but he kept on trying. And failing. So it was always good to have a backup plan whenever he decided to make dinner. 

“And Bucky is talking to Tony, by the way”, Natasha commented. You glanced at her but made no comment. 

“Bullshit, Stark. I’m not doing it!” You heard an angry Bucky saying. 

When you looked up from Nat’s phone, you saw him coming up from Tony’s lab, with a smirking Tony closely following. You sighed and looked at Nat, who just shook her head. It was common knowledge that Tony enjoyed messing with Bucky, so you barely paid attention to their little quarrels anymore. 

“C’mon, it’s not a bit of a deal. We will all do it”, Tony said. This time, you were curious.

“Do what?” You asked from your spot on the couch. 

“We have been invited to a premiere”, Tony shrugged. 

“That’s cool!” You smiled. 

“What?” Bucky frowned. 

“What’s wrong about a premiere?” Natasha asked. 

“Interviews”, you finally said with a chuckle. “It’s impossible for us to make an appearance in such a public event and not get interviewed. And someone here”, you looked at Bucky, “hates cameras, mics and interviews.”

“Plus, it’s not even for a good movie”, Bucky mumbled. 

“Dunkirk premiere in London”, Tony shrugged. “Nolan called and invited us.”

“You’re friends with Christopher Nolan?” You asked shocked. 

“Oh please. I’m his daughter’s godfather”, Tony said. 

“Well, I’m in”, you immediately said. 

“Of course you are”, Steve said coming out of the kitchen. “Harry Styles is on that movie so he’ll be at the premiere”, he winked. 

“I never mentioned him”, you smiled widely. 

“Who’s that?” Bucky frowned. 

“Oh boy…” Natasha said in a whisper. 

“(Y/N)’s celebrity crush”, Steve quickly said. “Nat, can you please order pizza? I burned the chicken.”

“On its way”, Natasha said taking her phone and placing the order. 

“So, you’re in?” Tony asked. 

“Of course!” You said with a huge smile. “I mean… the trailer looks amazing and I love London.”

“Yeah…, London”, Natasha mumbled. 

You smiled to yourself but decided not to say anything else, especially since you felt Bucky staring at you which made you feel nervous and, for the first time, you allowed yourself to think that Natasha had told you the truth.

During the following days, there were still several fights about the premiere. Most of them between Bucky and someone else. For some reason, he still refused to go, which was stupid. Eventually, it just became exhausting to keep on listening to same excuses over and over again 

“Bucky, no one is forcing you to come, for god’s sake!” You finally said the night before you all were travelling to London.

You were having dinner all together, as usual, and Bucky was complaining to Steve about how he didn’t like being in public, cameras, dressing up and all that ‘Hollywood shit’. You had had enough of him by now and you just wanted to have a nice dinner. Yet, everyone was surprised to hear you snap at him.

“Excuse me?” He asked frowned.

“You’ve been complaining for the whole fucking week, like a child who’s been forced to go to his great aunt’s birthday”, you said, everyone looking at you. “We are all excited about this trip, about having a distraction, about not being superheroes for just one. Fucking. Day. So if you don’t want to come just because someone might want to interview you, if you think it is so annoying, so shallow, just stay here!”

No one said a word after you finished talking, not even Bucky who usually had a reply for everything. You huffed and looked at your plate, just to find out that you had lost your appetite. Throwing one last glare at Bucky, you excused yourself and got up from the table, claiming you still had so clothes to pack.

You didn’t understand what had got into Bucky. Yeah, you knew he wasn’t comfortable around cameras, that he didn’t like being in the spotlight, but he never complained so much about it, so you didn’t get what was so annoying about this particular situation. Whatever it was, it was getting on your nerves. But no one was going to spoil this experience. Not even your stupid, whinny, alleged best friend.

“Hey…”

A while later, when you had finally finished packing, there was a knock on your door and Nat’s head popped in.

“Can I come in?” She asked and you nodded, sitting up on your bed and putting your phone down. “You okay? That was quite unexpected down there.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry”, you shrugged. “I just got tired of his whinning.”

“Still, you had never snapped like that before”, she said, taking a seat on your bed.

“Yes, I have”, you laughed.

“Not at him”, she pointed out.

You opened your mouth to reply, but maybe she was right, so you just shrugged and looked down.

“I don’t know, it just annoyed me”, you finally said. “I’m so excited about this trip, going to London, the premiere, everything, and it felt like he was kind of ruining it with all his complaining. I don’t even know why he’s acting like that.”

“I think I may know”, Nat said with a small smile.

“Enlighten me, please”, you sighed.

“He’s jealous”, she simply said. You raised an eyebrow, not knowing what she was talking about. “The day after Tony told us about the premiere, I found Bucky doing some research on Harry Styles.”

“What?” You asked even more confused.

“Steve mentioned him, remember? That he will be at the premiere and that you have a crush on him”, she explained.

“So what? I have a crush on half of Hollywood”, you laughed. That was true. You were such a fangirl.

“Yeah, but you haven’t met half of Hollywood”, she shrugged.

“Nat, that doesn’t make any sense”, you said. “Why would he be jealous of someone I haven’t even met and someone I don’t even know if I will meet.”

“Oh, you will meet him”, Nat nodded. “I’ll make sure of that, don’t worry.” You laughed but said nothing, since you knew she could really make that happen. “And he’s jealous because he is in love with you. I already told you. 

“Okay, I’m not having that conversation again”, you said. “I’m going to sleep, we have an early morning and a long flight tomorrow. So goodnight.”

“Are you kicking me out?” She asked, acting offended.

“Yes, Black Widow. Get out of my room and close the door on your way out”, you said, kicking her back gently.

“You know I’m the only one standing between you and a marriage with Harry Styles, right?” She said getting up from your bed.

“Yeah, you and a billion of other girls. Go!”

Next day you and Steve were the first ones to be ready and were already waiting by the mini van that would take you to the airport, where Tony’s private jet was waiting for you. As usual, everyone else was running late, which was extremely annoying to Steve. It was annoying for you too, but you had got used to it.

“They are waiting for us. We were supposed to be at the plane 10 minutes ago”, he said.

“We could just go and leave them here”, you shrugged. “That would teach them something.”

“As tempting as that sounds…” Steve said, making you laugh.

Finally, you heard people coming down the stairs, so you took your things from the floor, glad that you would be on your way. Wanda and Natasha were the first ones to show up, apologising over and over again and coming up with lame excuses that you had heard a million times before. To your surprise, Bucky was just behind them.

You hadn’t talked to him since last night, when you snapped at him, but you had seriously thought that he would stay behind, sulking. And yet, there he was, carrying a travel bag over his shoulder and looking as he had to go to war again.

“Where’s the rest?” Steve asked.

“Tony was just talking on the phone with the pilot, telling him we would be there in 30 minutes.” Steve huffed, obviously annoyed. “I know”, Natasha chuckled.

“Clint and Bruce called last night”, Wanda said. “They can’t make it. Clint’s wife has the flu and Bruce can’t leave the lab right now. They’re working on some healing serum.”

“Oh and Thor will meet us there”, Natasha added. “He sent a message and said he will be using the Bifrost. Parker has homework and we couldn’t contact anyone else.”

“Good”, Steve nodded.

“I’m going to the groceries store down the street to get some snacks. See you in a moment”, Wanda said.

“I’m coming with you”, Steve said. “I’m sick of waiting.”

“Me too! I want to get some magazines”, Natasha said.

You asked Steve to get you some of your favourite candy and soda. Although you knew you would have plenty on the plane, it was a long flight. The three of them left, leaving you and Bucky alone and in silence.

“So you decided to come?” You finally asked.

“I’ve never been to a premiere before, so”, he shrugged. “A new experience I guess”, he added.

“You could’ve started with that instead of whining about it for the whole week”, you said.

“Sorry about that”, he sighed. “I didn’t want to ruin it for anyone. I was being a jerk.”

“You think?” You said with irony and looked at him. He actually looked sorry, so you sighed and smiled a little. “I’m glad you’re coming.”

Bucky’s face lit up with a smile, obviously glad that you weren’t mad at him anymore. It was one of the few things he couldn’t stand: the thought of not having you in his life. For the first time in a few days, he came close to you and pulled you in for a hug, kissing your head in the process.

Everyone knew that Bucky wasn’t the hugging type, but you had always been the exception. He loved having you in his arms, cuddling with you, hugging you. It made him feel safe, home, and he had been through hell the last few days without your contact.

“Okay, I’m ready!” Tony said rushing downstairs. “The pilot said we have a really small window of time if we want to leave before noon. Where’s everyone?”

“They went to get some snacks. They said they would be waiting in the van”, you explained.

“Perfect, let’s go then. You can go back to your cuddling on the plane. You can even have a private room”, he said rushing into the elevator.

You rolled your eyes, but followed him anyway. You were used to his comments, even if they still made blush every single time.

***

Lights, cameras, excitement, screams, noise. Those were the words to describe the moment you got out of the car at Leicester Square. The place was completely packed, surrounded by screaming fans, reporters, photographers or just curious people who happen to go by the Square on that fine summer afternoon.

The red carpet followed all the way from where the cars were arriving, to the doors of the Odeon theatre, creating a path where you could see the actors, producers and anyone who had been invited coming up and down, saying their hellos to those they knew or stopping for photos and interviews. It was exciting.

Since you had been the first one to get into the car, you were the last one to get out of it and stand next to Wanda and Natasha. Steve, Bucky, Tony and Thor came in the following car. However, at the sight of you, there was a raise in the volume of the screams. It looked like your presence was a complete surprise for everyone.

“Should we go on?” You asked.

“Let’s wait for the rest”, Natasha said, smiling at some girls screaming her name.

You were aware of people knowing who you were, you knew you were on the news many times and you had seen some fan accounts about yourself. But you had never been exposed like this and you had to say that the energy was exhilarating.

“Get ready for the screams”, Wanda said when the guys’ car pull over behind you 

You three took a step aside, so they could come out comfortably and waited. The reaction when Steve first came out of the car was out of this world. You could literally feel the ground beneath your feet shaking a little bit. And it only escalated when Thor, Bucky and, finally, Tony followed the Captain.

“Wow”, Steve said coming closer to you with a small smile.

“I know”, you chuckled looking around before focusing on Bucky, who was a bit stiff but looked at handsome as ever.

Since you had been running late, you hadn’t had the time to see him before leaving but he was… hot. He was wearing a pair of black trousers, a black open blazer revealing a white shirt that fit him perfectly. He had let Tony’s stylist to get his hair ready, giving it a ‘just woke up’ look that really suited him.

“Hey there”, you said coming closer to him. He looked down at you and gave you a forced smile. “You okay?”

“I’ve been better”, he admitted. “But I’ll be okay.”

“Call my name if you need me”, you said, squeezing his hand gently before turning around.

“(Y/N)!” You heard him calling. You turned around, confused. “I need you”, he said with a small childish smile.

“Idiot”, you said with a small smile. “I think you can make it through the carpet without me”, you winked.

Bucky looked at you walking away, holding onto Wanda’s arm as you stopped for your first interview. He couldn’t help smiling as he took in how good you looked. You were wearing a long white jumpsuit that hugged your body perfectly and brought out the tan that you had got over the days of summer you had spent at the beach just last week. Its back was open, which –for Bucky- made you look even better.

Above all, you were happy and it was obvious. You couldn’t stop smiling, laughing, charming everyone, especially Bucky.

“You’re drooling, soldier”, Thor said, taking Bucky out of his trance.

“What?” He asked.

“She looks stunning indeed”, Thor nodded. “I would make a move before anyone else does.”

The God of Thunder patted his back and was on his way. Maybe he was right. But he wouldn’t even know what to say if he gathered the courage to talk to you. For the time being, all he could do was move along the carpet and hope this all was over soon.

It wasn’t like you were the biggest fan of interviews, but you were good at them. You knew how to avoid personal questions and how not to give much information about anything. You were charming, polite and kind with everyone, laughing at their jokes and making your own. Summing up: you knew how to make people love you.

“Thank you for your time, enjoy the movie!” The reporter from The Guardian said.

“Thank you, have a nice evening”, you said back and turned around to talk to Wanda, but she was busy talking to some guy you had never seen.

“You’re a natural”, Natasha said, walking up to you when she finished taking some photos.

“Tony gave me some tips”, you shrugged. “I just did the opposite of what he told me.”

Natasha laughed out loud, but before she had the time to say anything, the screaming grew even louder. You both looked at the beginning of the carpet, where a black Mercedes had just stopped and a black haired boy had come out. He was talking to a really big guy so he wasn’t facing your way, but you knew who he was immediately.

“Pinch me”, you mumbled to Natasha.

“What?” She asked confused and looked at you. “Oh…”

Harry Styles had just turned around and was walking towards the carpet, followed by who probably was his bodyguard. You had been a One Direction fan for years and had had a crush on this person since the beginning. You had even been to some of their concerts –both in the band and as a solo artist-, but you had never had him so close before.

“Are you blushing?” Natasha laughed when she looked at you.

“What? No, I’m not!” You said, placing your hands on your cheeks. “Am I?”

“Either that or you used too much blush”, she said with a smile.

“Shut up”, you said. “Let’s just keep going before we look like idiots.”

“We?”

“Can you just be a bit more supportive?” You said. Just then, Wanda was back with you.

“Now I know why you have a crush on him”, she said with a smile. “He’s hot.”

“Shut up! Both of you”, you said and walked away from them before they continued teasing you.

For the next half hour of the premiere you were completely unfocused. So much that you decided to talk with as less reporters as possible, convinced that you would look like a fool if you did. Every few minutes, the volume of the screaming would go up, meaning that some other actor of the movie had made an appearance. You truly thought you would faint when you saw Cillian Murphy and Tom Hardy together.

“Enjoying yourself?” Steve asked when he caught you alone after you were taking some photos.

“Pretty much, yeah”, you nodded. “You?”

“Yeah”, he said looking around. “We don’t get to do this often, so it’s a nice change.”

“(Y/N), Captain! Can we please get some photos?” A reporter said.

“Duty calls” you said with a smile as Steve placed a hand around your waist, to pose for the cameras.

“Finally, I find you!”

You turned around and suddenly felt your hands all sweaty when you saw Natasha coming up to you, followed by Wanda and –of course- Harry. You glared at her, having no idea what she was doing.

“There’s someone here who wants to meet you”, your alleged friend said with a huge smile.

“Hello there”, Harry said with a charming smile.

You had heard his voice and his accents on videos before but you swore it was even deeper than ever before. You took a deep breath and looked briefly at your friends, who slowly stepped away with small smirks on their faces.

“Hi”, you said, a smile appearing on your lips. “Really nice to meet you.”

“Likewise”, he said. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Turns out that Nolan is friends with Tony Stark so…”, you shrugged.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to meet you for ages, so I’m glad he invited you all”, the singer said.

“You wanted to meet me? Why?” You laughed.

“You’re kidding me?” He smiled. “You’re an Avenger!”

You laughed a little and nodded to yourself. You guessed he had a point. You had been crushing on him for ages, but you had never thought of the possibility of him actually knowing who you were. And now that he was right there, in front of you, admitting to be your fan, you had no idea what to do.

Just like Bucky.

He had been watching the whole interaction from afar and he could feel his blood on fire. The only reason Bucky had decided to join the trip, was that he needed to see this guy. Your celebrity crush who you were laughing with. He clenched his fists and looked at all the cameras pointing at you two. Of course. You looked great together. You were both young, good looking, obviously charming. He had been around long enough to know that the public would pair you up immediately.

“You shouldn’t stare”, Steve said, coming to his side.

“I’m not”, Bucky mumbled.

“If it was possible, there would be a hole on that guy’s face”, Steve laughed. “They’re just talking. Calm down.”

“I’m calmed”, Bucky said. Steve sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “What?”

“Do you realise that you have no right to be like this, don’t you?”

“Why not? Am I supposed to be okay with a British good looking guy just… charming her away from me?”

“No”, Steve replied. “But you have never told her how you feel, so she’s free to do whatever she wants.”

“You’re the one who never shuts up about her feelings for me”, Bucky said.

“So? You’ve never made a move, do you really expect her to wait forever?” Steve asked. “They’re just talking though”, he added with a shrug before walking away.

“Yeah… just talking”, Bucky sighed.

As much as he hated to admit it, Steve was right. Bucky couldn’t claim you anything. You didn’t even know how he felt about you, how he wanted more than just a friendship, how your smile would make his heart skip a beat and how not being able to kiss you was physically painful. And he hated himself for taking him so long to realise it. What if you were ready to move on? 

“C’mon, this is your debut movie and you’ve worked with Cillian Murphy and Tom Hardy! Those are goals”, you said with a smile.

“You literally save lives for a living”, Harry replied and, to be honest, there was nothing you could say about that.

“I guess we’re both pretty awesome”, you said, making him laugh.

Just then, a man with a clipboard approached Harry from behind and said something in his ear. Harry nodded and looked at you.

“I have to go. They’re going to introduce the cast and everything”, he explained.

“Of course! Go”, you said with a nod.

“Talk to you later? We’ll have an after party, you should all come”, he said. You smiled and nodded. “Perfect. Here…” he gave you his phone. “Put your number in and I’ll text you.”

Without actually believing what was happening, you did as he told you and gave his phone back. He winked and left quickly towards the end of the carpet, where a stage had been set.

“Enjoying yourself?” You turned around to find Bucky behind you.

“Absolutely”, you smiled widely. “Although I’m freaking out.”

“Yeah, I saw you talking to that guy you like”, he said, looking at Harry who had just got to the stage.

There was something about his tone that you didn’t like. It was like he was accusing you of something, which you didn’t appreciate. He had no right to do so.

“If you have something to say, just say it”, you said crossing your arms over your chest.

“It just looks like you’re getting plenty of attention, that’s all”, he shrugged casually. Although you knew him well enough to know there was nothing casual about how he was behaving.

“Not from the only one that would matter”, you said and turned around without giving him a chance to think about what you had said.

Bucky kept his eyes on you while you walked away, trying to understand what you had just said and what it meant. Were you talking about him? Was he the one who mattered or was his mind playing games? He had no idea. All he knew was that you were upset with him and he knew he had been acting like a jerk for quite some time now.

Maybe Steve was right. Maybe you were tired of waiting. Maybe you were moving on.

***

Bucky’s attitude really pushed your buttons so much that you decided to keep your distance during the rest of the evening. He had been a total jerk since the moment Tony told you all about the premiere. You thought that the change of scenario would change his mind and he would relax. Obviously, you had been wrong.

The movie was everything you expected and more. It kept you on edge the whole time. The whole crew had done an outstanding job. It was definitely one of the best movies you had watched lately. And the whole situation of being one of the first people to watch it, only made it more special.

Before you could suggest going to the after party that Harry had mentioned –and already texted you about it-, Nolan himself invited you. So the moment the movie finished, you went on your way. It wasn’t far from Leicester Square, but it was still safer to go in the cars so no one would know where you were going and could have some privacy.

“So? Did you like it?”

Just when you walked into the party, Harry approached you, taking you by surprise.

“I loved it!” You said smiling widely. “And you were amazing”, you added.

“Thank you”, he nodded. “I’m proud of it, to be honest.”

“You really should be”, you said, biting your lip a little. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” He asked, pointing at the bar at the end of the place.

“Please!”

Bucky observed the two of you walking towards the bar. He sighed and walked down the few steps that were next to the door. He was feeling more and more like an idiot since you walked away from him at the premiere, and he was still thinking about what you had said.

“You okay?” Natasha asked, showing up with a drink in her hand and another one for him.

“Thanks”, he said, taking the glass from her. “I’m okay, just…”, he sighed and pointed at you and Harry, who were talking and laughing at the bar.

“Oh…” Natasha smirked and looked at Bucky. “She’s having fun, don’t you think?”

“Why did you introduce them?” Bucky asked, turning away from the bar, so he could get that image out of his mind.

“She wanted to meet him but would have never introduced herself”, she said. “I just helped a little.”

“Thanks for nothing, then”, Bucky said.

“If you like her, go and tell her”, she said. “But don’t expect her to wait around forever when you have never made a move to let her know how you feel.”

“And how does she feel? Am I supposed to just jump into the swimming pool without knowing if there’s water?” Bucky asked.

“If you still don’t know that the pool is overflowing, then you’re even blinder than I thought you were”, Natasha said.

Bucky sighed and ran a hand over his head. Why did it have to be so complicated?

“What would you do?” He finally asked. As much as he hated asking for advice, he was completely lost.

“Me? I would go across the room and kiss her”, she simply said. “But given she’s busy talking to someone and also mad at you, I wouldn’t advice it.”

“Then?”

“I would talk to her and tell her how I feel”, she said. “Not as dramatic as a surprise kiss, but still honest and useful.”

Bucky sighed and turned slightly to look at you two again. When he didn’t see you, he started looking around like crazy. Where were you?

***

“I really was starving”, you said as you and Harry walked down the street with a burger each.

“Why didn’t you eat anything before the premiere?” He asked before taking a bite from his burger.

“It was the cinema. I thought we would get popcorns, to be honest”, you admitted, making him laugh so hard he almost choked. “Don’t laugh!” You said, although you were laughing as well.

“You’re adorable”, he said, making you blush a little.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go indoors?” You asked once again. You didn’t want him to be on every page tomorrow, especially because of you.

“Don’t worry about it”, he said. “I’m having a good time.”

“Me too”, you admitted. Then, you felt your phone vibrating into your purse. “Give me a second.”

Harry took your burger so you could get your phone out. It surprised you to see Bucky’s name on the screen. Your first impulse was to pick it up, but then you remembered that you were still mad at him and decided to decline the call. You turned your phone off, shoved it back into your purse and took your burger back from Harry.

“Everything okay?” He asked concerned.

“It was Bucky just being annoying”, you said.

“I kind of saw how he kept on looking at you”, he said. You looked at him surprised.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“Let’s say he has a really deathly glare”, he said with a chuckle. “If looks could kill, I would be ten feet under by now.”

“What? No”, you laughed.

“Trust me, I know what I saw”, Harry said. “He likes you.”

You frowned but said nothing about it. It was one thing having Natasha telling you about Bucky’s feelings. But if even Harry, a person who had zero contact with any of you, who knew nothing of you or Bucky, had seen that… then maybe Natasha never lied and Bucky did have feelings for you.

That thought would have filled you with joy at any other moment. But thinking about it now, it only made you angry and frustrated. Why did he have to be such an idiot if he had feelings for you? Why couldn’t he just make a move? Or where you supposed to just take a leap of faith?

“Sorry. I said too much”, Harry said after a moments of silence.

“No, no”, you quickly said. “Everything’s okay. It’s just…” you sighed.

“Do you have feelings for him?” He asked. You laughed bitterly. “What?”

“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you. My celebrity crush since I was 17”, you said. This time, Harry laughed quietly.

“Don’t worry”, he said. “I knew you were out of my league since I saw you and now I understand why.”

“Me? Out of your league?” You asked shocked and he nodded.

“There’s no competition if you already love someone else, don’t you think?” He asked with a smile.

“Am I that obvious?” You said defeated.

“I’m observant”, he shrugged. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I just don’t get him”, you said. “We’ve been best friends for ages and I’ve loved him all along without saying anything. I got used to idea of just being his friend and the second I mention someone else, someone who I hadn’t even met yet, and he starts acting like a total jerk. If he have feelings for me, why doesn’t he just say so?”

“Sadly, sometimes we have to see those we love walk away in order to know how much we care”, Harry said. “I think you should talk to him.”

“And say what? That I know he has feelings for me because my crush suspects it?” You asked sarcastically.

“Well… that’s an option”, he said, making you laugh. “But I would just be honest and tell him how I feel.”

You sighed but didn’t reply. You couldn’t believe you were having this conversation with Harry Styles, the guy you had admired most in your entire life, the guy you had fantasied about meeting a thousand times. And there he was, giving you romantic advice on how to talk to your best friend. Life was nuts.

***

Bucky was going nuts. The moment he had walked around the party twice, not finding you anywhere, he had stepped outside to call you. And he got sent to voicemail. Over and over again. You didn’t just hang up on him, you had also turned your phone off. He was fuming.

Without saying a word to anyone, he took a taxi and went back to the hotel where you were staying. At some point, you had to come back, and he would be waiting for you just at your door. While he waited, he tried to call you at least five times without any success, he was filling your voicemail with nonsense but he didn’t care.

“I swear it, (Y/N), if you don’t pick up the damn phone”, he said on the phone, “I will-“

“You will what?” Your voice said behind him.

He turned around to find you standing there, as beautiful as ever, with the card of your room in your hand, and looking at him with a deadly look in your eyes.

“Where have you been? Where did you go?” He asked, putting his phone down and ignoring your question.

“Last time I checked, you’re not my father, so I don’t have to explain myself to you”, you said, walking to your door.

“You were with him, right? That British singer”, he said while you opened the door.

“So what if I was?” You asked walking in. You considered slamming the door shut, but you knew him well enough to know that he had no problem breaking in, so you just left the door open for him.

“You just met him”, he said, walking in behind you and closing the door.

“What does that even mean?” You asked, throwing the purse on your bed and turning to face him. “Yes, I left with him to have dinner, so what?”

“Something could have happened”, he said with a shrug.

“Something like what? He could have kissed me?” You asked. You could see him flinching at the word. “What’s the problem, James?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. You would only call him James when you were really mad at him.

“Did he? Kiss you?” He asked.

“What if he had?” You asked.

“Did he?”

You looked at him in the eye, feeling yourself getting angrier by the second. All you wanted was to scream in his face how much you loved him, that he was the only one you wanted to kiss, that you had spent the whole fucking night thinking about him and talking about him to someone else. Instead, you shook your head and sat down on your bed to take off your heels. Your feet were killing you.

“You haven’t replied”, he said.

“Neither have you”, you said.

“I asked first”, he shrugged. Without even thinking about it, you threw one of your shoes at him. “Hey! What’s your problem?”

“What’s my problem?” You asked getting up, now barefoot. “What’s your problem? Why can’t you just be clear? Just say what the fuck you’re thinking instead of being a jerk!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he said, looking away from you. Narrowing your eyes, you took a step closer.

“Do you love me?” You finally asked.

“You know I do”, he said, his heart beating faster.

“Don’t bullshit me, James. You know what I mean”, you said. “Are you in love with me?”

Bucky took a deep breath and closed his eyes, not answering your question. The words were burning in his throat, and yet he couldn’t say them out loud.

“Fucking hell, Bucky!” You almost yelled, pushing him away. “Can’t you even talk? Just say no, for fuck’s sake! I can take it, you know? It’s not that hard to be honest for once in your fucking life. If you’re not in love in with me, if you don’t love me, just leave me be! Stop being an asshole and let me kiss and like whoever I want!”

“I can’t”, he said.

“You can’t what? Stop being an asshole? I noticed, thank you”, you said.

“I can’t just leave you be!” He exclaimed, looking at you. “Because it kills me, okay? I’d rather go through a thousand battles and getting a billion injuries, traumas and brainwashes before seeing you with someone else, okay?”

You looked at each other in the loudest silence you had ever experienced.

“You…” he sighed. “You are everything to me, don’t you see? I’ve been miserable for the whole week and the only way I know how to handle it is being an asshole. And maybe I’m late, maybe I should’ve spoken sooner, maybe I should’ve gone across the room and kiss you in front of everyone, but I am here now and I’m saying it now.” He placed his hands on your cheeks. “I love you, (Y/N). I am in love with you. Hopelessly. I love you so much it drives me crazy. You drive me crazy.”

“And you have to be a jerk to show it? Couldn’t you just kiss me and get it over with?” You mumbled, looking into his blue eyes with tears in your eyes.

“You were kind of busy all night”, he said. “I’m a jerk, but I’m a polite jerk.”

You laughed a little and moved your hands to his chest, wondering if what he was saying was real and if it was just another one of your dreams.

“You could kiss me now”, you shrugged.

Bucky smiled a little and you bit your lip when he leaned over slightly, taking in your whole face before closing his eyes. Immediately, you felt his lips on yours and your mouth opened to receive him as he pulled you closer. The whole world around you disappeared and all you could feel and smell was Bucky. Nothing else mattered.

“I’m sorry it took me so long”, he whispered when you pulled away.

“You’re forgiven”, you smiled a little and rubbed his cheek. “By the way… he didn’t kiss me”, you said.

“Really?” He asked, sounding really surprised.

“Yeah”, you laughed. “We were just talking about you, to be honest”, you admitted.

“Wow…you really missed the chance of making out with your crush for me…” he teased. “You must really love me, huh?”

“Shut up”, you smiled, pulling him in for another kiss. And, for once, Bucky was happy to oblige.

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #bucky barnes imagine #winter soldier imagine #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier x reader #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel one shot #imagine #pitubea #one shot #bucky barnes one shot #winter soldier one shot #steve rogers #captain america #natasha romanoff #black widow #scarlet witch #wanda maximoff #thor #thor odison #tony stark #iron man #avengers #avengers imagine #harry styles

[ithehellisbucky]

Prompt List

Send ‘em in!

1. “I love you.” “I know.”

2. “I would die for you, but more importantly I would live for you.”

3. “If we both want to make it out of here alive I strongly suggest you put down the spatula.”

4. “I love you isn’t always enough.”

5. “Hahahah- oh my god we fucked up.”

6. “God you’re stupid- kiss me.”

7. “I regret nothing besides all of my life choices.”

8. “You will learn to fear the name Babycakes.”

9. “I can’t wait for them to kill you, I’m going to film it on Instagram live.”

10. “It’s just you, me, and all of our past traumas, what could go wrong... Ah yes, I hear it now.”

11. “You’re my Westly and I’m your mother-fucking Buttercup!!!”

12. “Nothing much, just a friendly witch burning. What about you?”

13. “I love your stupid face... I’m just kidding, your face isn’t stupid, it’s perfect, I’m so so so sorry.”

14. “Holy fuck is that an alpaca?”

15. “You made all of my dreams come true, except for meeting Beyonce. Oh my god is Beyonce here?”

16. “I’m sorry I loved you too much.”

17. “Death, destruction, then waffles.”

18. “I hated you so much that it turned to love instead.”

19. “I think I’m ready. No, I know I’m ready. I’m finally ready.”

20. “And that is how I died.”

21. “It was all a dream.”

22. “I know that not everyone gets to have a happy ending. But I really want to be one of the few that gets one. And I want it with you.”

23. “My only crime was loving you too much... And maybe arson.”

24. “I’m not going to leave. Everyone else may have left, but I’m not going to. Ever.”

25. “All I want is too be deeply loved by someone above everything else, is that too much to ask.”

26. “Fuck you.” “Gladly.”

27. “We drank ten cups of coffee then cried for four hours straight. So, the norm.”

28. “Who is dead?!”

29. “You’re in my chair.” “Well you’re in my heart.”

30. “I loved you so much that it ruined my life. Luckily for you I hated my life before I met you.”

31. “Shut the front door! Then lock it so robbers can’t get in.”

32. “Nothing could make me hate you.”

33. “I did something.” “Let me get my shovel.” “No seriously, we’re going to need a shovel.”

34. “I would murder, like, everyone for you.”

35. “I find it so cute that you think I’m joking.”

36. “I’m so fucking tired of giving 100 percent while your scraping the bottom of the barrel with 30.”

37. “Let me cry, don’t try to help by telling me to stop, and don’t try to calm me down. Just let me cry.”

38. “I wish I could apologize, but I can’t and I won’t.”

39. “Do you want to yell or scream? Because I don’t. I just want to be with you.”

40. “We can cry and smile. We don’t have to pick one, we can do both.”

41. “You’re sorry for yelling. I know it’s hard for you to apologize, so I’m doing it for you. I know you want to say it, but I know you can’t.”

42. “You can’t change your past, but you can make sure that the future is nothing like it.”

43. “All I want is to wake up in your arms. Tomorrow might not be the same, but this is what I want today.”

44. “Dammit you and your moral code.”

45. “Let’s lie and pretend we’re busy.”

46. “I love you, so just stop apologizing.”

47. “You’re going to be happy. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. I promise.”

48. “They don’t love you like I love you. No one could ever love you as much as I do.”

49. “I love you. No buts, no ifs, just love.”

50. “I have never been happier. Thank you, so much, for helping me be happy.

51. “Tell me the fucking truth!”

52. “You know the feeling when your watching a movie and you know in that moment that everything's going to be okay? I think that moment is right now.”

53. “I don’t want to have a baby. I want to have a fire-breathing monster who will crush my enemies for me.”

54. “WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BLOOD?!”

55. “Don’t panic, but everything is going wrong and I’m dying.”

56. “Every time I look at you I can’t breath. When your standing next to the sun all of your breath goes away.”

57. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

58. “I’m so fucking tired of being alone. I’ve always been alone, and for the first time in my life I’m not- thanks to you.”

59. “When I’m around you laying in bed is more exhilarating than jumping off a cliff.”

60. “It’s not fair how happy you make me.”

61. “I’m ready.”

62. “I can’t not love you. And trust me, I’ve tried.”

63. “Love me.”

64. “Ugh, fine we can stop the wedding!” “My Best Friends Wedding style?” “No... The Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement style.”

65. “I would watch 12 straight hours of Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you, that’s how much I love you.”

66. “And in that moment that’s when I knew that I would never love anyone as mu-”  “Are you fucking monologuing?”

67. “I have never been more attracted to you.”

68. “No, no, no, maybe? No. No.”

69. “You could rip my heart out and it wouldn’t matter- I would still love you just as much.”

70. “I want to slow dance in my living room with you.”

71. “This is cheesy. This is so cheesy. You make me cheesy.”

72. “You aren’t my world. You aren’t my sun. You aren’t my life. You are my everything.”

73. “I would die without you. No seriously, I’m pretty bad at most things. Have you seen me try to do laundry? A complete and total shitshow.”

74. “Besides my soul-crushing depression and incredibly pessimistic view of life I’d say I’m doing okay.”

75. “It’s you. It will always be you.”

76. “Without you I’m a polluted sky, green and brown, and ruining everything. With you I’m an Aurora Borealis.”

77. “For you my love, anything.”

78. “Babbling brook motherfucker.”

79. “Tik tok motherfucker.”

80. “How could you hate me, I’m the only person whose ever loved you.”

81. “How the hell are you simultaneously the worst and best person in the world?”

82. “Everything means nothing if I can’t have you.”

83. “How am I supposed to breath around you.”

84. “When you love someone enough you can look around all of their problems. You figure shit out; and we’re going to figure this shit out. Together.”

85. “What?” “What?”

86. “It’s valentine’s day, so we should watch Notting Hill or Titanic, or something romantic.” “Inglourious Bastards is on Netflix.” “Fuck love, let’s watch Brad Pitt kill some Nazis.”

87. “Boop.”

88. “This is such a bad idea... Let’s do it.”

89. “Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool.”

90. “I’ve made a horrible mistake but you’re going to love it.”

91. “I’m pregnant,”

92. “You don’t have to smile if you don’t want to, just let me know you’re going to be okay.”

93. “You look like hell.” “Thanks Heather, I just got back.”

94. “No.”

95. “Will you marry me?”

96. “I’m not crying you are.”

97. “Ugh, shut up and let me love you!”

98. “Forever looks a lot more beautiful with you by my side.”

99. “This is some Christopher Nolan level apeshit.”

100. “I have always loved you, and I’m never going to stop.”

Ask Box

#prompt list #my prompts #instead of actually writing #i decided to make a prompt list #idk #i actually really like this #my favorites are #58 #86 #48 #49 #18 #i love all of them #98 #is so pretty #basically #instead of putting in a complicated ask #just put in a few numbers #or idk #use a random number generator #if no one sends me any asks #i'll do that #or you can also put in complicated asks #whatever you want to do #i'll probably switch it up every few months #all of these are formatted for bucky #but i can really do anything #mcu #fanficton #x reader

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

The End of Year Awards Are Back... and This Time, It’s Personal!

And so we approach the end of 2020, the year that never really began. On paper, at least, it looked incredibly promising. There were lots of great movies slated to come out; culture seemed slightly less paucity-riddled and pointless than usual; good things were in the air. Then COVID happened, and basically fucked everything. Actually, that’s not quite true: my personal year has been fucking spectacular. I’m in a long-term relationship with a gorgeous woman for the first time in forever- no more abrupt trysts and stolen moments for yer humble narrator: I’ve got a sumptuously plus-size lady-friend who actually wants to spend substantial amounts of time me (and has knockers you could sled down, were you so inclined). I also started a Youtube channel where I upload performances of magic tricks I’ve designed and a few people seem to quite like it. Oh, and I’ve written four novels, with a fifth well on its way to completion. Unfortunately, that’s my life, not the life of our civilisation and culture as a whole. The fact that bugger all happened in that makes this end-of-year round-up a little hard to write. With that in mind, I’m going to hand out the gongs for 2020, but I’m also going to do my usual dodge of giving end-of-year awards to things that I discovered in 2020, even if they came out the year, decade or century before. It’s not like any right-minded person gives a hoot about my opinion anyway. Right then, everyone clear on the rules? Then let’s roll up our sleeves and plunge elbow deep into the fetid trough of our decaying society to ferret out the best and worst of the Things That Humans Have Done Recently.

The ‘I Like It Because It Confused Thick People’ Award for Best High-Concept Sci-Fi Movie... … Goes to the sterling Tenet, a spy film that used entropy inversion and symmetric, opposite-direction timelines within the same physical space the way most spy films use hacking and guns. Christopher Nolan films are always intricately constructed and meticulously-executed, but this one must have had Japanese Master Puzzle-Box Makers crying into their breakfast cereal. Is breakfast cereal a thing in Japan? I honestly I have no idea. For some reason, all I can imagine is a sort of dry kedgeree where all the ingredients that aren’t rice have been removed. But I digress. For all its intricacy, Tenet is actually really easy to follow once you’ve grasped the basic premise that there’s a machine that lets people move backwards through time, and that this makes them appear to move in reverse to the rest of the world while they perceive the rest of the world as moving in reverse. Nolan maintains a mastery of cinematic visual language that makes even the most abstruse concept easy to wrap your head around. Nonetheless, following Tenet’s release, dumb people took to the Internet on mass to complain that the film was confusing and stupid, never once realising that their inability to conceptualise time in non-linear ways was their own failing, not Nolan’s. I find that refreshing. It’s nice to see a sci-fi film that’s actually made for smart-cookie sci-fi fans and doesn’t give a hoot if it alienate thickos.

The Award for Most Inexplicably Compelling Web Comic… … Goes to Questionable Content. I originally started reading Questionable Content because I’d heard that the female lead and love interest was a plus size lassie and that shit’s my jam. However, the art style makes everyone look like a skinny indie-type, regardless of their actual, in-universe size, so it doesn’t do much to titillate my Fat Admiring Titillation Centres. And yet, I’m over five hundred ‘episodes’ in and still reading. The thing is, I couldn’t tell you why for the life of me. Maybe it’s the hope that the art style will evolve to the point where the people look like actual human beings with different body types (but then, why would I care unless I was invested for some other reason). Maybe it’s the fact that when I get one of the many, many obscure band or pop culture references, I feel a little buzz of kinship with the writer. Maybe it’s the fact that it takes place in a universe where robots and superheroes are things that regularly happen, yet most of the strips are just normal people chatting shit in a coffee shop and the slice-of-life narrative/sci-fi setting appeals to my sense of juxtaposition. I don’t know, but I find it really compelling to the extent that I’ve pissed away entire days reading it. I have a horrible feeling that it’s a short step from this to really angsty hentai. If I start singing the praises of that, somebody please shoot me in the crotch.

The ‘Forest Gump Debating Peter Andre’ Award For Most Sustained or Elongated Instance of Stupidity… … Goes to Donald Trump. I was tempted just to award this gong to his entire presidency, but that wasn’t just stupid: it was also venal, corrupt, horrifying and punctuated by terrible moments of low cunning. So, instead, this award goes to his ‘soup’ rant. For those of you who missed it, the former President of the United States spent a really, really long time (in the run-up to the election) wittering on about protestors throwing cans of soup at police. What was dumb and weird about it was that he appeared to be extolling the virtues of soup as a siege weapon, going into really specific detail about how it was better than a brick because it could be thrown with more force, finishing with the utterance that protestors would just argue that “this is just soup for my family” if they were caught with the cans… which is phrased wrong in such a subtle and inhuman way it’s hard to imagine that anyone actually ever said it, at least in those words. I have no idea if protestors in America were throwing soup cans at police (which would be entirely justified considering how many innocent people American police have murdered in cold blood quite recently) or if this was a fantasy dreamed up by the former president in the cloudcuckooland that is his diseased little brain. Either way, the connected rant was balls deep in dumb.

The Most Disturbing Unintentional Impression of Vincent Price Award… … Goes to the narrator from One Step Beyond, a Twilight Zone-esque anthology of weirdness that purports to be based on true events and has to be seen to be believed. The stories are oft-disturbing instances of spooky-inflected human drama and can occasionally be quite disconcerting… until they’re book-ended by a dude who sounds like Vincent Price reading a children’s book in a really earnest voice. It’s weird and no, it didn’t hit our screens in Space Year 2020, it dates back to Ye Olden Times of the 1950s or 60s, when men were men, women were women and technincolour was a distant dream that could get you strung up for witchcraft. Nonetheless, I only encountered it this year, so it’s getting its prize. I warned you I was going to pull this shit, but you foolish fools didn’t listen.

The ‘It’s Not Gay If I Don’t Clench’ Award for Cognitive Dissonance… … Goes to Amazon Prime, the content-making branch of evil, tax-dodging, anti-monopoly-law-breaking megalith Amazon. You see, while Big Daddy Amazon is off being incredibly sinister and worrying, like a shifty vampire hanging off the economy’s throat, the creative people at Amazon Prime are busy making or acquiring some of the flat-out best TV ever committed to a streaming-service, from the extra-weird slice of fun-pie that is The Tick, to the entertainingly horrifying cultural dissection of The Boys to the utterly unique Carnival Row, to the superbly adapted American Gods. It’s a bit like discovering that Geoffrey Dahlmer single-handedly created a body of artistic work to rival Vincent Van Gogh’s when he wasn’t pouring acid onto the brains of emotionally vulnerable young adults. It gives me a headache.

The Clint Eastwood Award for Most Effective Older Gentlemen… … Goes to Joe Biden, for unseating dipshit in chief Donald Trump with the casual badassery of a Wild West gunslinger shooting a baddy (probably played by Leonardo Di Caprio) in the balls. I mean, he’s not the best Prez America could ask for but a) as a Brit I don’t have to care and b) anyone who ousts Trump gets mad props from me.

The ‘It’s a Pity Everything Else is Shit Now’ Award for Best New Ongoing Series… … Goes to my own Youtube series, Victor The Magician, in which I claim to be a reality-hopping, interdimensional wizard on an endless quest to… perform magic, basically. I’ll admit that the quality is super-variable (Youtube algorithms and their constant demand for fresh content be a harsh mistress, etc., etc.). However, when I’m good, I’m really good. If you’re looking for a punch-line other than the fact that this whole bit is a self-promoting plug, it’s this: my Youtube series really was the best thing to come out this year. Not because I’m great or anything, just by default. A promising year really did turn into a cultural wasteland the moment COVIDius Rex reared its scaly head.

The Zombie Ian Curtis Award for Most Crushing Disappointment… … Goes to Rick and Morty Series 4. As I think I’ve said before, it was still good, but it just didn’t reach the dizzy heights of nihilistic lunacy achieved in series 1-3. I think the problem is that the audience is meant to learn something from Rick’s poor choices, even if he doesn’t, because the creators saw the amazing success of Bojack Horseman and decided they wanted a slice of that sweet, tangy deconstructionist pie. It worked up to a point in the climax of Series 3, but having made their point, the showrunners probably should have moved onto a different point. They forgot that the appeal of Rick Sanchez is his combination of ‘entertaining car-crash of a human being’ and ‘unstoppable superbeing’. Push him through an arc and you risk breaking the thing that makes him and the show so endlessly watchable. Rick, unlike Bojack, just wasn’t built for heavy introspection. Also, the team hired on new writers who were less than familiar with the characters, setting and subtext, and that’s always an invitation to disaster.

The Special Sir Mixalot Award for Posteriority… ...Goes to… my girlfriend and glamorous assistant, Mystic Miss Terri, who’s arse is gorgeous and majestic.

The ‘Are They STILL Making That?’ Award for a Show You Forgot Existed And is Now Back… … Goes to Supernatural, which never technically went away and whose final series is apparently being broadcast on one of the 4 channels (though who knows which one, any more), It’s kind of nice to realise it’s still out there and be reminded that there are still people who care deeply about what happens to it. It’s like when you remember ‘oh yeah, [insert cute animal here] actually exists and isn’t just an internet meme. That’s nice’. Also, it’s good to see Jared Padelacki working steadily. It can’t be easy to find acting gigs when most producers just want to shoot you and mount your antlers over a fireplace.

The Irritating Magician Award for Something That Just Won’t Fuck Off… ...Goes to this blog entry, which is three pages long in Word. Good grief. Bye y’all! See you next year, assuming that the last few days of 2020 don’t culminate in a civilisation-destroying attack by giant space-ants. If that seems worryingly specific, let’s just say that- as Leonard Cohen would say “I’ve seen the future and, brother, it is murder”… by giant space-ants.

#Secret Diary of a Fat Admirer #2020 #2021 #New Year

[theheavymetalmama]

God Damn You, Warner Bros. Damn You All to Hell!

No, I’m not being ironic, everyone at Warner Bros can just fuck off. The bosses, the interns, the middle managers, the focus groups, the directors, the producers, the marketers, the agents, each and every one of them should all be flogging themselves like Catholic masturbaters who like getting pegged in the ass while three TVs play looping footage of Showgirls, Striptease, and I Spit On Your Grave.

Why? I’ll tell you why!

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a big Superman fan and I’ve had few kind words for the DCEU, particularly for depicting Superman as a stupid sad sack, killing Jimmy Olsen, killing Superman off before anybody cared about him as well as wasting three movies worth of story in the last 15 minutes of a Batman movie, and portraying Lex Luthor as a dated-on-arrival man child with all the charm and charisma of 14 year old edgelord who thinks he’s a fucking genius because he just read Atlas Shrugged for the first time.

So yeah, I don’t like it very much. However, my hatred of the DCEU as a whole is still vastly outweighed by my love for Superman, so I kept dragging on in hopes that maybe they’ll get their shit together so I can see one more good Superman movie before I die. I even wrote a think-piece on how they can move forward and save Superman’s image in a potential sequel, and among those things was bringing back the iconic John Williams score. Well, it turns out, they’re doing just that. Despite sidelining Superman and keeping him out of the marketing for Justice League almost entirely, recently some news came that Danny Elfman would indeed bring back the iconic Williams score for some key scenes in the movie.

“Well, what’s the problem?” some of you may ask. It’s something I indeed wanted, so in theory I should be fucking elated. And no, nostalgia blindness has nothing to do with it. No musical score has as much affiliation with Superman than any score hand-tailored for him before or since, and if the Superman March isn’t John William’s best piece it’s easily somewhere in the top three. So what’s the problem? The problem is this bit here, from the mouth of Danny Elfman himself...

“There are a few little fan moments. I instated a moment of the Wonder Woman theme that Hans Zimmer did for Batman Vs. Superman, but I also had two minutes where I had the pleasure of saying, “Let’s do John Williams’ Superman.” And that for me was heaven, because now I have a melody to twist, and I’m using it in an actually very dark way, in a dark moment. It’s the kind of thing that some fans will notice. Some won’t. It’s a moment where we’re really not sure whose side he’s on.”

Now it starts off fine, until he brings up the word ‘twist’ and then goes on about how it’s going to be in a dark moment where Superman is, for the third time in the DCEU, portrayed in a negative light and that there will likely be even less of Superman in this movie than we initially thought. Now don’t worry, I’m not going to flip out. I’m going to take a deep breath and keep my cool so that I-

-FUCK YOU!

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU-

-FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!

What the fuck is wrong with you, Warner Bros!? WHY are you so bad at this!? Are the higher-ups in your movie branch run by a bunch of emo Batman-worshipping asshats who can’t stand Superman so they go out of their way to try and ruin him!? Why!? What do you have to gain from this!? What, so shitting on Superman just wasn’t enough!? Now you got to take a grimdark dump all over his music too!?

This idea is stupid! The Superman March is hope, optimism, positivity, heroism, and joy-induced-fist pumps distilled into musical form. Now you want to twist it into something it’s not for the sake of keeping up this idiotic ‘Bad Superman’ idea!? Christopher Reeve is turning in his fucking grave right now, you miserable sacks of sentient shit! I hope John Williams sues your pants off for this! See Warner, THIS is why Marvel and Disney are kicking you ass at the box office! They made people cry over the death of a character nobody heard about until seeing Guardians of the Galaxy while you made nobody give a shit about the death of fucking Superman!!!!

UGH!!!

That’s it. That’s all I can take of this shit. I’m done. From this point on, the DCEU is officially on my blacklist until they get their shit together! I won’t talk about it, I won’t see or review their movies, I won’t compare them to Marvel, I won’t reblog anything related to them, I won’t even acknowledge that the DCEU exists until they make a good Superman movie!

Why? Because I sure as shit don’t trust them to make good DC movies when they can’t even get Superman right! Fuck Justice League, fuck the DCEU, fuck Zack Snyder, fuck Joss Whedon, fuck Danny Elfman, fuck Chris Terrio, fuck David S. Goyer, fuck Christopher Nolan, fuck Henry Cavil and his agent for letting this shit happen, fuck Ben Affleck for contributing to Frank Miller’s hate-boner for Superman and his dumbass Bat-God power fantasy, and fuck Frank Miller in every orifice his body has, natural or otherwise, with razor-lined horse cock dildos that are on fire for starting this bullshit “Batman rules, Superman drools” dick measuring contest in the first fucking place!

I just want to see one more good Superman movie before I die. And the more I hear about the DCEU, the less likely that’s going to happen.

I need a drink...

#Warner Bros #DC Comics #DC #DCEU #Superman #Batman #Wonder Woman #Justice League #angry #I'm crying inside

[haroldssfedora]

Support (Harry Styles Imagine)

Warning: swearing 

I’ve finally done my dream imagine! I’ve been wanting to write a dramatic imagine for a while now. Thank you to those who voted for this and for those who even personally messaged me. I really do appreciate the help.

It took me quite a lot of time to finish this because I had a lot of scenarios in mind. Sorry for the delay. Hope I didn't disappoint.

Anyways… Hope you guys like it! 

Feedbacks are very well appreciated.

ENJOY!!

~~

They say that after the honeymoon phase comes the biggest bump in one’s relationship.

For four years now, I’ve been Harry Styles’s girlfriend. I met him when I started working for Lou as her assistant stylist for the Where We Are Tour. At first, I was adamant to do it. But with a little push from Lou, I finally agreed. I’m glad that I agreed. Each passing day on the road, Harry and I grew closer until he finally asked me to be his. And I said yes.

Throughout the course of the On The Road Again Tour, I was asked yet again to join the crew. But this time, no decision was needed to be thought out. I was going to be with the love of my life 24/7 and that was enough reason to agree once more.

 I was with them when they had to perform for the first time without Zayn in Manila. Nerves were wrecking around backstage about who’ll sing Zayn’s part in which song and what’ll happen to their positions onstage with one member missing. I was even there when Zayn officially said goodbye.

I was with Harry when they announced to the public of their decision regarding the hiatus. It was hard for the lads to end up with that decision, but they all knew that it was for the greater good of the band. They knew that if they went on with a heavy heart that they might end up resenting what they do or worse, each other.

 I was there during their last show in Sheffield. Hugs were given as soon as the show ended. Tears were pouring everywhere. I have never seen Harry cry so hard before. Even I shed a tear or two. Of course, I’ve been with these people for two years now. I’ll miss seeing them everyday. But whatever happens, we all promised to support one another in any way or form.

**

Now, it’s been a few months since the hiatus started. Harry and I decided to go home to Holmes Chapel to unwind for a few weeks. Anne was kind enough to have accommodated both of us. Gemma even stopped by everyday to chat with us. It seemed like I was in a normal relationship and not in a relationship with a superstar.

A few weeks after that, Harry was casted for Christopher Nolan’s new movie Dunkirk. To say that I was proud of him was an understatement. In the midst of shooting the movie, Harry asked me to join him because he was feeling lonely. With a smile on my face, I gladly joined him. Plus, Cillian Murphy was another reason to drop by. (wink wink)

After the movie, Harry decided to start writing for his first solo album. I was so happy that he’d be back in the comfort of his beloved studio where I knew he was genuinely happy. He decided to take a small trip to Jamaica, which was such a breather. It was away from all the flashing light and spying eyes. Harry’d spend his time in the studio with Jeff and Mitch. While I, on the other hand, started drawing my dream fashion line.

Every since I was a kid, I have loved dressing up. And finishing my degree in fashion designing really was a dream come true. Dressing people up like how I did with the lads on tour was not the job that i was expecting but it was a great experience. I’m much more interested in designing my own fashion line and flaunt my designs on the runway.

**

One normal day back home, I got a phone call from the biggest fashion company in London. They heard from Lou that I was a fashion major and wanted me to send drafts of my designs for their upcoming fall collection. I was beyond ecstatic.

This is it.

 My dreams are becoming a reality. I immediately called Lou and thank her over and over again. I then excitedly told Harry and he was so proud of me. That night, me, my family, friends and Harry went out and celebrated but I noticed that Harry wasn’t into it. My best friend even asked if he was ill. It was like he wasn’t even there. I just took it as stress and agreed to go home earlier than expected.

The day of his album launch came. It was a whirlwind of emotions. I was so proud of how people responded to Sign of the Times, but the response to the album was much better. Knowing how hard Harry worked for it and how much people appreciated it made me so happy for him.

And to add to that happiness, pieces from the collection that I sent was chosen for the London Fashion Week Fashion Show a few months from now. I had already told Harry the night before about it but he just nodded and told me he was proud.

Maybe he’s just tired? Or maybe he’s just nervous for the launch the next day? I thought. 

His entire team went out to celebrate that night. Of course, I was there during dinner with his family. I told Gemma about the the fashion show and she promised to be there to support me. Anne even let out a sound of excitement and kept on hugging me, making me feel how happy she was for me.

The dinner ended quickly, so they decided to have a few drinks. Me, on the other hand, had a very important meeting with the company so I had to be presentable and hang-over free.

 “Love, let’s go?” Harry asked.

 “Babe, I have that meeting tomorrow remember?” I asked, with a ‘duh’ tone.

 “What meeting?” He asked. I was shocked. His facial expression really showed no signs of him knowing what was going on.

 “The meeting for the fashion show?” I asked, hoping that something will spark up.

 “You got the job?” He asked.

 “Harry, I told you that last night.” I said, a small frown now starting to form on my face.

 “Ohh yeah. That.” He said. I was kind of disappointed that he forgot but I just shook it off.

 “Anyways, it’ll probably be best if I head home first. Go enjoy the night.” I said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

 “You sure?”

 “Of course.”

 And with that, I left him and went home.

**

The meeting the next day went very well. I met with the tailors who’ll make my designs a reality alongside me and explained to them how I wanted it to turn out. They were nice enough to have understood my worries and assured me of my creative works. The models were also chosen and among those are some of the most well known models. The feeling of Cara Delevingne wearing my work was unbelievable.

I went home that afternoon with a tired body, yet a big smile on my face. Harry was in our bedroom getting ready to go out and celebrate with his friends. I quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek and a quick ‘hey babe’.

“Love, go get ready. We’ll meet them at five.” He said, buttoning his shirt.

“Babe, is it ok if I pass tonight? I’m so tired and I just want to lie down and relax.” I said, slumping my body in the bed. His face showed how much he wanted to go. “Go on without me. Enjoy babe.”

“Don't you want to celebrate the success of my album, love?” He said with pleading eyes. Of course I want to but having sewed a few pieces myself, I was exhausted.

“It’s not that babe. It’s just that… I’m so tired.” 

“Oh. Ok.”

What’s with his attitude? I don’t know why his tone suddenly sounded like he’s implying that I didn’t want to go just because I don’t want to go. “What’s with you?” I suddenly asked. I don’t know what ticked inside me, but I had a feeling that me asking that question will lead to a fight.

“Nothing. It’s just that I feel that you’re not happy for me.” He said while fixing his not-so-long-anymore hair.

“What are you saying? Just because I don't want to go out tonight doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you.” My voice started rising.

“Then make me feel it! All you care about is your stupid designs.”

Oh hell no. 

“Excuse me?”

He’s gotta be kidding right now.

“I said it! All you care about is your stupid runway fashion show. You never support me in any of my works. It’s like I don’t even have a girlfriend who supports me. All we talk about is how excited you are for the show and how happy you are that YOUR dreams are coming true. What about me, huh? Ever thought about me? My album? My dreams?”

 “Oh for fuck’s sake Harry. Don’t you ever say that I didn’t support you. I spent two years on the road with you… two years which should’ve been spent on designing my OWN fashion show. I’ve been beside you through all of the rumors, the hiatus, and now your solo career. So don't you dare point a finger at me and say that I don't care about your dreams because I do.” I said. My blood’s now boiling that I don't think it’ll be enough cooling off just for tonight.

 “Then make me feeling like you care and join us tonight.” He shouted.

 “Why are you so fucking selfish? Can't you see that I’ve been working my ass off for MY dream? All I ever thought about for the past few years was you and your damn career. Can’t you think about mine? All I’m asking is a night in tonight. Heck, I’m not even asking you to stay with me!” Harry was about to say something but I cut him off.

 “You know what Harry? I realized now… All I ever did in this relationship is give, give, and give. And I’m getting tired.”

 Flashbacks of how Harry reacted with me getting the job came to mind… he didn't even care. Heck, he even forgot that I told him about me getting it. I’ve talked about this with a friend of mine and what she told me really hit me.

 “It sounds to me like there’s only one person in this relationship.”

“Love, I’m not saying that your dream is not that important. It’s just that -” he said, but I cut him off.

“You feel that your accomplishments are far more important and extravagant than mine.” I said in total realization. No words were needed, his facial expressions were enough to assure my assumption.

“I can’t believe you!” I shouted. “A relationship between two people is about trust and support, and you can’t even support your girlfriend of four years? Your girlfriend who was beside you, supporting you since who knows when!” I started crying.

 “Love, it’s not like that…”

 “Then what is it like Harry? WHAT?” My head started to ache and my breathing started to quicken its pace.

 “Love…”

 “You know what? You’re not the Harry that I fell in love with anymore. You’re just a big-headed pop star who only cares about his fame.”

 “You’re not the girlfriend that I used to know as well. My girlfriend supports me in everything that I do.”

 “And my boyfriend also does the same.”

 “I’m still that person!” He said in exhaustion.

 “No you’re not.” I said with tears now streaming down my face.

 “Then what are you implying?” For a split second, I saw the man that I fell in love with - the man who’d swim the oceans just to make me smile.

 “I’m sorry but if you’ll continue, it’d be best if I left.”

 “Love, no… Don’t do this.” Desperation was very well heard from that one sentence.

 “I’m sorry.”

 I grabbed my bag and with that, I left the man who still had my heart.

 They said that there’s always a rainbow after the rain. But with this kind of relationship, seeing a ray of light might be impossible.

#one direction preference #one direction preferences #one direction imagines #one direction imagine #one direction writings #one direction masterlist #one direction au meme #harry styles imagines #liam payne imagines #louis tomlinson imagines #niall horan imagines #1d preferences #1d imagines #1d one shots

[daniel--berry]

Worst to Best Superhero Movies I’ve Seen

31) The Amazing Spider-Man

I hate this movie. I laughed throughout the entire film. “The lizard” could not have been a worse super-villain. I sort of liked the yellow Spidey-eyes, I guess. Emma Stone gave a nice performance. Can’t write anything else about it.

30) Doctor Strange

This is one of the only movies on the list I fell asleep during. Some of the visuals were pretty original, but the storyline was like a terrible version of Kung Fu Panda. Maybe if they casted Jack Black instead of super-boring Benedict Cumberbatch (I loved you in Sherlock baby, don’t be offended), Doctor Strange could have had a little charisma. I think this is the only movie on this list that made me upset after watching it.

29) Suicide Squad

What is this movie, some kind of Suicide Squad? Maaaan, what a great cast in such a forgettable movie. Here’s the thing though, I liked it more than most people did. I think whatever-her-name-is was a charismatic (though definitely not funny) Harley Quinn. Jared Leto wasn’t super offensive as the Joker, I looked forward to his scenes, but he looked like an idiot, like a twenty year old with temporary tattoos. What is this guy, some kind of Joker?

28) Thor

I can’t remember this movie. It was probably better than Suicide Squad though. Oh yeah, there’s that part where he throws his coffee on the ground and yells “Another!”. Haha, that was pretty funny.

27) Deadpool

Haha, he uses bad words! But it’s a superhero movie! This movie will serve best as the first R-rated movie a 12 year old sees behind his parent’s back. This is the other one I fell asleep during. 

26) Thor: The Dark World

This one’s interesting. I actually like this movie a lot, in theory. Visually, it’s one of my favorite Marvel movies. You could even say that if I made a MCU movie, it would look a lot like this one. Again, in theory, this is cool. It made Loki an anti-hero after the Avengers, which I think is a great choice. Unfortunately, this is a big piece of shit. And it will make you (unjustly) dislike Natalie Portman. 

25) Wonder Woman

Wow, I thought I’d love this movie. I’ve always thought Wonder Woman was a great character. Gal Gadot is almost perfect for the role. But man, what a boring story. Way too much time is spent on an ugly island, and the rest of the movie is a fish-out-of-water Crocodile Dundee rip-off, with Tumblr-friendly British humor. Haha, that English woman’s accent is sooo British! No thank you. A DAMN boring movie! 

24) The Amazing Spider-Man 2

We’re starting to get to superhero movies that I actually sort-of enjoy. This is my second favorite Spider-Man movie, but that’s out of the three ones on this list. I think this movie ruined Jamie Foxx’s career. Spider-Man has never looked better, though. Definitely the best Spidey-suit. I’m a sucker for those huge eyes. I walked out of the movie wanting to see a sequel, to be honest.

23) Ant-Man

I don’t remember this one, but I remember laughing a lot. Doesn’t Ant-Man work at Baskin Robbins or something in this? Oh yeah, and Michael Douglas is in this. I love that guy!

22) Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

What a STUPID title for a movie. Nothing felt natural here. Did I mention that I hate the title? Here’s the thing, some of the elements of this movie work great. People made fun of the “Martha” twist, but I liked it, as well as Ben Affleck’s portrayal of Batman. But again, nothing was natural about this story. The tone shift is so dramatic from Man of Steel, and yet it’s supposed to be a direct sequel. Henry Cavill’s Superman isn’t memorable. Jesse Eisenberg’s lines were badly written and he never seemed like a real human being. Still, I didn’t hate it.

21) Thor: Ragnarok

Such great ideas here. Pairing Hulk and Thor for a comedy? Wonderful. Jeff Goldblum as a charismatic (gay) planet emperor is my favorite new MCU character. More of him, please! Why so low on this list? Hela sucked, as all Thor villains do. But man, she sucked the worst. The goddess of death? She just looks kind of goth, and never does anything too death-y. I like how the fire monster destroys the Thor world (what’s it called again?), and to the movie’s credit, it doesn’t treat this like an earth-shattering moment. Because let’s be honest, we never gave a fuck about that place.

20) Avengers: Age of Ultron

Ok, yes. This movie has aged pretty badly. But there’s a lot to like! Vision is a graceful, hot, AI legend right out of the gate. Lots of nice seeds are sown here, but it’s too bad that Ultron was a big dumbass who didn’t know how to execute any of his angsty plans. His “age” lasted about a day? Day of Ultron. Still, Tony Stark deserves to be put in prison by now.

19) Guardians of the Galaxy

As far as nailing a tone down, this movie did it best. You can call this movie airtight in its execution. The only negative is that every following Marvel movie felt like it had to be just as funny as this one.

18) Man of Steel

I love me a serious superhero film. I think this movie is best described in pros and cons. Pros: Henry Cavill is the best onscreen Superman yet, Michael Shannon made an otherwise goofy role kind of believable, the special effects are the best I’ve ever seen in a superhero film. Cons: None of this matters, because you’ve just never seen a more boring plot to a film in your life.

17) Batman

There will be no disrespect for the classics here. Every good superhero movie owes it all to Batman. This movie nailed it in every category. Jack Nicholson’s weirdo Joker was all-too-perfect, and the goth-horror scenery was inspired. Best of all, Michael Keaton made the idea of a gay orphan dressing up as a bat pretty relatable.

16) Superman

They haven’t quite gotten it right until 2006, but more on that up the list. This is the best Superman will ever be, because the character really just doesn’t work in the modern day. Christopher Reeve gives a romantic, gosh-golly version of the comic character, and it’s pretty damn good. Also, Marlon Brando’s Jor-El is haunting and gorgeous when he speaks. Another classic.

15) Batman Begins

Blah blah blah, gritty, dark, blah blah blah. Reinvented superhero movies, blah blah blah realistic.

14) Captain America: The First Avenger

This is the heart and soul of the MCU, and one of the most unique out of the series. Still feels important even in the third phase, and has a lot of great messages that I am too lazy to write. Great movie, and Chris Evans as Captain America was the best casting choice since Robert Downey Jr. Nothing but greatness here.

13) Iron Man 2

Do people really think this is the worst of the MCU? Not by a long-shot. But oh my god, Tony Stark is just such a war criminal. And Mickey Rourke is delightful! I love that part where Iron Man empties his bladder into his own Iron Man suit. Did Superman ever do that shit? Fuck Superman!

12) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

My ass has seen a lot of superhero movies, but I don’t think my ass has smiled more watching one of them. Ummmm, what a fucking great movie? With a fucking great plot? And, like, a great villain for fucking once? A truly lovely film.

11) The Dark Knight Rises

A marxist superhero film? No wonder it’s not the fan favorite. But I love it just the same. The funeral scene at the end is beautifully acted by all involved. Yes, Bruce Wayne died, but it didn’t feel cheap. Catwoman driving the batpod? An icon of cinema. A great ending to a great blah blah blah, not as good as The Dark Blah blah blah.

10) Marvel’s The Avengers

What a moment for a little thirteen year old nerdfuck like me. It leans on the immature side of the MCU, yes. But it’s damn near perfect filmmaking, and by far the most accessible superhero movie to date. Hulk Smash!

9) Iron Man 3

We’re getting into real personal-favorite territory here. Shane Black’s Christmas superhero film is hated by a lot of people, but don’t worry, they’re all just sweaty ugly nerds with untouched genitals who don’t realize that Fu-Manchu proto-Asian wizard stereotypes aren’t exactly the best material for a 2013 film. Man, I adore this movie. It’s a perfect blend of comedy (not too much) and drama (not too much), with an infusion of self awareness that appeals to a cynical guy like me.

8) Superman Returns

This movie really understands Superman. It’s too bad it was overshadowed by Batman Begins, because this movie has a lot to offer. No, it isn’t action-packed, and yes it does star Kevin Spacey (gross) as Lex Luther, but the romanticism and themes of a post-superhero world are rich with wonderful dialogue and the best onscreen Lois Lane yet. Forget the Kryptonite iceberg at the end, Superman’s journey of finding himself is surprisingly great material for a film, delicately directed by Bryan Singer. Wait, is that TWO pedophile boy rapists in one film? Yikes, you know what.......never mind. 

7) Captain America: Civil War

The re-watchability here is astonishing. It’s not even an Avengers film, and it’s still easily the best Avengers film. And yet, it stays its course as a personal story of loyalty and sacrifice for the titular character. It’s totally a Captain America movie. Also, can Tony Stark just get fucking imprisoned already?

6) Iron Man

Easily the “coolest” superhero movie ever made. I can watch terrorists get blown up by lasers all day! A true classic, and still feels just a little more legitimate than all the other MCU films.

5) Spider-Man: Homecoming

A relatable protagonist? A relatable villain? An evil psycopath? (Tony Stark). What’s not to love? It might not have “amazing” in the title like those other fuck-your-mom Spidey movies, but it most certainly is. (Amazing, I mean).

4) The Dark Knight

Blah blah blah joker, blah blah blah Heath Ledger, Christopher Nolan. Blahblahblahblah dark, reinvented the genre, blah blah blah.

3) Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Yes I’ll say it. Here we have the best story in a superhero film to date. And to disguise all the intellectual themes of post-terrorist society, individuality, corruption, the pointlessness of patriotism, and homoeroticism, we have just enough kick-ass action scenes for your average brain-dead male to get a kick out of it too.

2) X-Men: Days of Future Past

I’m a sucker for time travel, and fuck me if this didn’t deliver 100%. This was my first X-Men movie experience, and I still think about it about once every couple of weeks. I don’t even want to write about it because I get embarrassed by my love for this movie.

1) Logan

The world’s changed. All the mutants are dead. Patrick Stewart is a senile fuck. Wolverine’s claws hurt when he tries to bring them out. Jesus Christ, there’s so much here that I can’t believe it’s a real movie. There’s just something about seeing a grizzly Hugh Jackman in a bloody t-shirt that really grinds my gears. It’s tragic, it’s beautiful, it’s expansive, and it feels like the last superhero movie that ever needs to be made.

[terramythos]

Review: The Prestige by Christopher Priest

Genre/Tags: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Split Narrative, Unreliable Narrator, Memoir, Journal, Stage Magic, Historical Fiction, Horror

Warning(s): Child death, miscarriage (unrelated), suicidal ideation, self-harm

My Rating: 3/5 (Somewhat Recommended)

**Minor Spoilers Follow** (Unusually long review!)

“I step forward to the footlights, and in the full glare of their light face you directly.

I say ‘Look at my hands. There is nothing concealed within them.’

I hold them up, raising my palms for you to see, spreading my fingers so as to prove nothing is gripped secretly between them. I now perform my last trick, and produce a bunch of faded paper flowers from the hands you know to be empty.” -Alfred Borden

An Aside: The film The Prestige (dir. Christopher Nolan) was based off of this book! The movie is honestly one of my favorites ever and certainly my favorite Nolan film; it’s a concise and harrowing tale of obsession and revenge and how it consumes the two main characters, all wrapped together with a strong cast, interesting twists, and a good nonstandard setting. Definitely my kind of story.

Obviously it’s impossible not to compare the two, and I know some of that will come across in my review. That being said, I strongly believe that adaptations are different for a reason and should be judged on their own merits, so my base review will only cover the book and my impressions of it. You can probably tell, however, that I preferred the film purely from the rating. I will write more about how the two compare near the end. This review is a bit longer than usual for it. 

My Summary: An investigative journalist named Andrew, adopted at a young age, is sent to research a local cult holed up in an abandoned estate owned by the Angier family. In doing so, he meets a woman named Kate Angier, who recognizes him from childhood. It turns out their ancestors, Rupert Angier and Alfred Borden, were two feuding stage magicians in the late 1800s, and the bad blood between the two families has spilled out into modern times. While Andrew doesn’t particularly care about the family that abandoned him, he gets the sense that his long-lost twin is calling out to him from somewhere and compelling him to stay, and he learns the history of the feud.

From there the narrative shifts to a memoir by Alfred Borden which exposits notable facts of his life, including what got him into stage magic and an immense secret which influences everything he does, including how he pulls off his most famous trick, The Transported Man. He also documents an ongoing rivalry between himself and fellow magician Rupert Angier, and the latter’s constant attempts to one-up him, leading to a climactic and uneasy final encounter between the two, with supernatural elements to it.

An interlude narrated by Kate comes in the middle which reveals an Uncomfortable Detail about her childhood and connection to Andrew. Some supernatural stuff is implied.  Then, the story shifts to a narrative from the point of view of Rupert Angier, this time in the form of a journal. Similar to the first half, it goes over Rupert’s life and history, and the circumstances the rivalry between him and Alfred. It documents his attempts to surpass The Transported Man, a trick he obsesses over. It is also noteworthy in that mutual scenes between the two are not the same, implying unreliable narration on part of one or both men. Their rivalry eventually comes to a head.  

The Good:

Features a strong voice. It felt like both halves of the story were solidly rooted in their time period and I never felt “taken out” by the phrasing and language of the two protagonists. It ultimately felt interesting to read.

Parallels between the two halves of the story are interesting and satisfying when they occur. It was interesting to flip back and forth between certain scenes and see what was different between them, and try to piece together who was telling the truth. I haven’t run into many books that do that.

The story is obviously well-researched; Priest has a working knowledge of stage magic and the general economic climate of late-1800s London (and, to my surprise, Colorado history, which I’m familiar with). When the characters describe their acts, it has a lot of depth which makes them come across as convincing professionals.

The core concept itself is really quite interesting; it’s an odd conflict and time period to pick, but it pays off in a lot of ways. The choice to use unreliable narrators in a story about stage magic is brilliant.

Of all things the story reminded me heavily of Frankenstein, particularly the way the book describes the supernatural/science-fictioney elements and how it plays into the lives of both men. I could appreciate the references it dropped.

The choice to do a pure half-and-half split narration was risky, but I think it paid off and ended up more effective than just threading the two stories together in alternating chapters. As I mentioned above, I liked that I had to flip between the two. You take what Borden says in the first half for granted– after all, why lie about it?– but the inconsistencies between him and Angier are an intriguing and come much later. (I’d prefer it if the book DIDN’T mention this directly, but unfortunately…)

The Mediocre:

While I liked the split narrative, having the halves be purely autobiographical or journalistic ultimately bogged the story down. By its nature a journal contains a lot of fluff that doesn’t necessarily connect to the story. It felt like Priest was trying to be “authentic” by including a lot of life details that end up… ultimately irrelevant? It detracted a lot from my experience because I had zero reason to care about those things and they served no purpose to the story.

As a result of the above issue, the events of the story felt episodic and disconnected, not a part of some overarching and connected feud. Especially in a story that relies on subterfuge and deception, things that might seem irrelevant should reflect in a new light as the story progresses. The first half accomplishes this in some ways, but it falls apart in the second half.

It had an annoying tendency to foreshadow a twist, reveal it, backtrack and reveal the twist to be “impossible” then… go back to it? Just kind of an irritating bait and switch, generally. Twists work with this type of story due to the whole stage magic thing but that gimmick completely goes against the attitude of it.

The framing device with the modern characters seems ultimately pointless. The story would have been fine without it. It would also prevent that… ending. See the final point under “The Bad”.

The Bad:

The characterization was lacking. There are a lot of people that come into the story and leave virtually no lasting impression on it, which isn’t a good sign. The big problem here is with this type of story, characters SHOULD be the driving force, and they simply aren’t. I get that the story focuses on the main two, but it shouldn’t be to the exclusion of all else.

And I really hate to say it, but the main characters were not especially interesting. A memoir and a journal by nature have a laser focus on one specific person, and while that was true enough, the characters don’t really change all that much. Both Borden and Angier are self-important assholes. That’s fine. The problem is they stay that way the entire story and refuse to examine themselves or develop in any concrete way until the very last second. Even when a character has a moment of reflection, like “this feud is stupid we should just end it”, something contrived keeps it going and neither character grows or matures from the insight. If this is intentional, it’s a frustrating position to put your reader in.

The conflict ultimately makes no sense. The feud is founded on stupid reasoning, and the way it sustains itself seems unrealistic. Even when a spoiler event happens that gives a character EXCELLENT motivation to push the story along and solidify the feud (possibly justifying this story built, ultimately, on miscommunication), it gets resolved in three pages and then the feud just… continues for no reason? If the feud is intentionally pointless, then play that up more! Show it through the side characters, or the modern framing device, or something. It feels bad otherwise.

I’m just going to say it. The ending is stupid as hell. Just really fucking dumb. Yeah, let’s turn this into a supernatural horror story… randomly? It makes no goddamn sense with the rest of the book. It felt like a joke ending. Nothing really set it up beyond the science fiction elements of some of Tesla’s stuff and even then it went in a way different direction. If the rest of the book had been like that, sure, but it wasn’t.

Final Thoughts: The Prestige is a book that features a fascinating core concept. Rival stage magicians at turn-of-the-century London trying to one-up each other and how they ultimately go too far? Frankenstein style science fiction? Nikola Tesla features prominently? But to me it fell short– it’s the type of book that could be great with a stronger editorial hand clipping out unnecessary fluff and bolstering the characters. The movie accomplishes this! It’s just a shame it couldn’t happen with the… book it’s based on.

That doesn’t mean the book is bad– far from it. It obviously came up with the framework that made one of my favorite films, and I liked seeing connections between the two. Again, I have to stress that it’s well-researched and an interesting idea, and the writing quality is good even if it falls short on storytelling. The idea of having unreliable narration for a story about stage magic is goddamn brilliant and I’m glad the author went for it. I just think he jumped the shark.

A lot of my complaints with the book are solved in the movie adaptation. It’s ironic that a book that has so much more time and space to develop characters falls flat, but the shorter movie version doesn’t. A story about obsession, one-upmanship, and how revenge destroys a person when they go too far should be character-driven and the movie understands this. The feud between Angier and Borden is caused by a stronger and more personal event, and you start off rooting for Angier. However, as the story progresses, Angier’s willingness to go to further and further extremes switches sympathy to Borden. Even more important are the side characters, their arcs, and seeing how they react to each man’s obsessiveness, and how it tears everyone apart on an interpersonal level. It’s raw and it’s structured well; everything is relevant, which makes the twist at the end all the more satisfying. You get a more concise and philosophical story overall, and I feel it’s way more appealing that way. The ending is also much different and much, much less stupid– I cannot stress this enough.

So ultimately I’m glad this book exists because it gives us an excellent story– one that only reaches its full potential in the adaptation. If it weren’t for that egregiously bad ending then maybe it would be a 3.5 (I’d penalize it more based on that but… ehh). You can certainly read it if you want to for the good aspects of it, but you should probably just watch the movie. If you want a story about rivalry gone too far, I’d recommend Vicious by V.E. Schwab or Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, both of which are character-driven with fascinating (and consistent) premises.

#Taylor reviews #books #3/5

[corvid-420]

kvltmvtherfvcker1349mvrdermvsic

  plasmalogical: can anyone tell me what that...

Christopher Nolan is reifenstahl

Him too but I think it in terms of “success”, success here being the preparation of a fascist subject, here Nolan pales in comparison to Lucas.

Nolan is much more pointed and overt in his fascism, yes, and I’m sure he’s being deliberate about it. but I think intensity and deliberate intent shouldn’t be mistaken for effectiveness, since he does appeal only to “certain” people, so it reaffirms what’s already there, but someone else preps this kind of fascism that can be more self conscious, there have to be people shaped to accept that kind of thing, and that’s what Disney, Viacom etc. are doing over the long-run.

it’s corporations like Disney that have the resources to research and anticipate, predict and herd its target demographics on a longitudinal scale like cattle but through time instead of pasture.  they can basically socially engineer the entire lives of, say, American boys living in suburbs who will watch their children��s shows, they prime for them to grow up through their live shows as preteens, grow up into its Cool Adolescent properties, funneling them up through to ESPN, etc. preplanning their whole lives through and herding these sentient cattle within technocratic confines like marketing demographics (young men 18-24, for instance)

But the masscult that Lucas specializes in is the foundation for developing what later in life can be the more overt fascism in Nolan. Anyone can see themselves as the plucky rebels or saviors of the republic thanks to empty apolitical storytelling like that, and if you want to see that play out in practice, notice how dweebs like McGinnes and Paul Joseph Watson insist that conservatives are the new punk - anyone can feel rebellious since Lucas entertained you, made you feel good and while making you feel good, followed the individual narratives of a plucky band of rebels fighting an evil empire. it’s why Lucas fits into Disney like a velvet glove over a manicured iron hand, it becomes another property through which Disney herds sentient cattle through like Pixar, ESPN, Marvel etc.

I’m not saying this to suggest that if you enjoy star wars you’re a goose-stepping fascist, but for a lot of people, these sorts of stories settle into their unconscious as a worldview, like what Homer was to Greeks or the Bible is to the type of Christian that homeschools their kids. It’s where they go to get these folk myths about human nature or whatever the fuck, or to validate their feelings of exercising freedom by being rebellious against genderfluid teens on tumblr.

I have to insert this because people say stupid shit about consuming things and transubstantiation: I enjoyed the movies, and quite a bit of Pixar movies, and whatever, they’re entertaining. It doesn’t turn me into a fascist or a liberal any more than it turns me into Walt Disney himself. And no one should think that by engaging with a movie or anything like this - what’s called, “critically” - means you didn’t enjoy it (libs have a weird way of thinking that if you’re not just stupidly staring at a screen in silence with a shit eating grin on your face, you couldn’t have possibly enjoyed something).

it’s like going to In-N-Out or eating candy or drinking whatever vice you’re into: I know what I’m doing is shitty for me and i know the appeal is it’s instantly gratifying, but i’m not basing a diet around in and out any more that i’m basing my worldview around Star Wars.

#kvltmvtherfvcker1349mvrdermvsic #(or Game of Thrones or West Wing or whatever) #or harry potter lmao

[geek-gem]

Man Of Steel Review

Why yes I'm making a review. I'm gonna keep this professional and have been thinking of also copying this to DeviantArt. So if your reading this on DeviantArt so yeah man. But yeah I've decided to watch this film now. It's been years since I've seen it fully. Back in 2013 in theaters. Yeah I'm gonna do an intro a bit explaining what's going on. Also I've been wanting to make more detailed and professional reviews for some time. I'm just saying I really focused on this film a bit along with that I was pacing back and forth when the credits were rolling trying to gather my thoughts. Now I'll say this. For some time I've been rethinking and I honestly like Zack Snyder who's the director of this film. Including the upcoming Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice which I'll watch soon. Also in November Justice League but cause of events of why he was replaced. To be honest and I won't get into that part of why he left. Yet it saddened me quite a bit. Including that week was really depressing. It made me rethink a bit about how I felt about his DC films. I was fine with Man Of Steel and think it could improve upon. While BVS I had troubles with. So with the extended cut now available. Really I've been rethinking. Including stupid silly shit like to be perfectly honest I feel like a younger Zack Snyder. Also the fact I've even considered him just imagine him making a Sonic movie, or Godzilla film, even Transformers but I feel I don't wanna mention that stupid movie franchise. Because compared to Michael Bay. I feel with Zack Snyder the man has ideas, he wants to tell a good story, he tries. But at times the way they are presented aren't the best. Including I like his style of film making. But I agree he's more of a visual director then a story teller. Also I've been a bit off set about Disney and Marvel Studios with their MCU. Nothing against them they've made good and great films. Yet I feel with DC they are going with a direction I like and also some risks. Yes some Marvel films are dark with some stuff I'm not saying it's all jokes. But just I like what the DCEU or DC cinematic universe for trying to be different. Also I've been taking a liking to DC quite a bit. Along with the silly fact I'm angry being like fuck you Disney for cancelling Wander Over Yonder. Seriously great show deserves more seasons, fine Save WOY shit. But yeah I'm sorry if this has been long. Yet I've been wanting to give these films a retry. Are they as good or whatever when I'm thinking about them. Let's find out. Man Of Steel. To be honest I'm gonna say I liked it. In a way maybe I like it a lot man. Including such as the themes that the film focuses on in parts about the idea of choice, and becoming what you want to be, and what you can greater be. I'm gonna spoil stuff in this. Be warned because I'm gonna spoil some major parts of the story. Including about critics. Mainly throughout the maybe first two half's of the film. With the focus on the themes of wanting to be something greater, becoming your own person, making your own choices. Along with well striving to be better and this being the focus of Clark Kent Kal-El aka Superman. The last half I did like. Yet honestly the themes are still there. Including with Zod mentioning of how he is. Yet it kind of becomes a different thing. But it's still enjoyable. In fact as the movie goes on. It's a bit slow, and I was really trying to focus. But yeah slow at the start but as the movie goes on it becomes better and more entertaining. Honestly their are some nice sweet moments I liked before well it got a bit more intense. Even between some parts. What I mean is moments where it's Clark with his family. During certain parts such as with his mother. Which I find to be some nice parts that bring up emotion a bit. They are just these quiet moments I like. I'll talk about some of the characters. Such as Henry Cavill as Clark Kent Kal-El aka Superman. While being a bit more serious. I honestly like him. Despite not being able to work with a whole lot. He does give a good performance. Along with the story about him trying to find out who he really is and him being an outcast. The way he's reacting I feel is reasonable. Including asking questions. Also the fact like people have said when talking about this film when defending it. It's a less experienced Superman. We watch him go on this journey of self discovering and him trying to help save the planet. Including I honestly seem to like the scene with him going to the church for advice. Really I like this version. Also seriously I like Superman I'm not the biggest fan. But I feel this Superman is one I think we can go along with. Including the idea and this may have been done before about him feeling like an outcast and wanting to feel like where he belongs. Along with doing the right thing. I feel Henry Cavill can be a great Superman. If you give him more material. Really I see potential. For this it was just the start. I like what I saw. Now for Amy Adams as Lois Lane. I felt she did a good job. Including just I'm not the biggest fan of Lois Lane. Really what she worked with again I think she does a good job. Along with some moments like people have mentioned she's tired of people's shit. The girl can take care of herself. But now about her chemistry with Henry Cavill. Really I don't mind them. Including at times I feel they can work well with each other. But again like I said with Henry Cavill, they don't work with much more. I feel they could of done better. But I feel their relationship was okay. But I feel it could be better. So okay I wanna talk about Michael Shannon as General Zod. Now being honest I like the kind of villains where do you understand their reasons. Yet also the ones where they think they are the heroes. Well with Zod's case being breed to be a leader and save his planet. Really I feel he shines throughout the movie. Along with his lines what he says Michael Shannon does a good job with what he's given. I'm guessing he's maybe my most favorite of all the actors in this movie. I'm not saying the others are bad. I feel Zod really shines. Including how far he's able to go to get his goals. Theirs the other ones. Theirs Diane Lane as Martha Kent, Kevin Costner as Johnathan Kent, Lawrence Fishbourne as Perry White, and Russell Crowe as Jor-El. Not gonna name the other ones I remember one name best Christopher Meloni. The other ones are difficult. Also the woman who plays Faoroa sorry Superman fans if I got that wrong. They are do such a great job. Really everyone in their roles did a good job. Along with what they worked with. Some stood out and really I liked them all. They contribute to the story and work well. Didn't mind any of them. Now I'm gonna talk about the action. Honestly the action is really kick ass. The way it's portrayed just how all the Kryptonian's are fighting. It's really awesome. Including it kind of feels rough. Just watching it. Including as the movie goes on. Yet I'm gonna mention this. People have mentioned this too, the camera zoom ups. I don't know if they wanted zoom up for detail. Because I'm thinking maybe that's why. Zooming up to see details up close and at certain times I'm okay with it. Yet at times I'm bothered a bit by it thinking if it was nessacry. Because it just bothersome. It's just that one thing at times that bothered me as the film went on. At times I was okay with, other times I felt like I didn't like it cause it's well bothersome. Now the score. Even during the credit the score by Hans Zimmer is fantastic. It goes with each part. Including it's powerful. Along with during some scenes even the last half of the movie mainly the terraforming part. I started to feel a bit emotional. Some shit like my eyes felt watery a bit. I was really trying to get very invested. Because just really the score does a good job capturing the scenes of what they are. They go really good. It just it sucks Hans Zimmer after Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice heard that he's done making music for comic book films. Because he does a damn good job. Now about well I wanna mention this. The tone and really I'm fine with being a bit more serious. About how would humanity react to a being like Superman. It does work, yet I'm gonna warn you. Throughout a lot of the film it's very serious. Or mainly serious but not that tense. Basically your waiting for a certain moment to come up. I don't mind it. Yet I don't feel like just I like that they are being different from Marvel. Also I freakin loved Wonder Woman that film was amazing it kicked ass. But at times during Man Of Steel you just wanna hope this is my opinion I guess hope something happens. Yet it moments like I said the sweet moments with Clark's family I like. Because it kind of takes a break from the serious story and well takes a break. Also some silly moments or not much. But as the movie gets going it gets more exciting. Such as the fight scenes. I don't mind it. Maybe it's just me I hoped for some more stuff happening. Also I really wanna talk about the ending. Not the exact ending but the part where people were surprised by what happened. The part where Superman kills Zod. Including yeah the Metropolis fight. Again the less experienced Superman and he tried. Also he saved the world. Really it's all cool working and kick ass and was invested in a bit. Mainly of being invested of how the fight was going and how it was showcasing both characters including the talking. But Superman killing Zod. I'm gonna say this I don't mind it. Even from what I heard Christopher Nolan during the making of this film said to Zack to not kill Zod yet Zack decided to do this anyway. But I'm gonna say this I like this risk. Yet how it's portrayed is why I'm okay with it. Including with DC wanting to be different from Marvel and this is quite a risk. The idea of Superman having to do this. Because it gives the idea that not everything can be solved so easily. Such as Jonathan Kent talking about maybe letting the bus full of kids drown but Clark's saves them cause he thinks it's the right thing. It's difficult to find the answer. Including when your son is basically a God like being with these powers. With the idea of Superman killing Zod is something I'm okay with. Because if handled right. Including with the destruction of Metropolis you can have some great character development. The idea they Superman is haunted by this. That he basically killed last of his mind. Also like what Angry Joe said during his review with Nostalgia Critic, Zod basically won. By basically making Superman do something he never wanted to do. Including to set up this concept that people have said your actions have consequences. Something we can learn from and hope we can make a better tomorrow or some shit. I'm fine with the choice. Yet here's why I'm bothered by..........the next scene. I was hoping their would be maybe some time to adjust to it, but no littertly a couple of seconds after that scene. It's legit just Superman acting like nothing happened. It's the scene where he takes down a drone and the funny moment yet I agree with the girl who's a captain says he's hot. Along with Superman telling the general he doesn't wanna be found. The way it's portrayed. I'm bothered by this cause it's a legit few seconds. Really I feel if they had more time and this idea may sound like bullshit even a deleted scene but that doesn't exist. Where it shows Superman actually dealing with the aftermath of what he's just done. Including the destruction of Metropolis. With him then trying to get through it and even some scenes of him helping to restore Metropolis. Yet that might miss up a bit what happens in the next film. But it's an idea I got from a YouTube comment. Also showcasing I'm gonna help the best I can despite everything that happened. Just the way it appears all of a sudden. I honestly like the scene and okay with it. But I feel it's wasted of the aftermath. It's mainly the other thing I have a problem with. Well I feel like their isn't much to say. Also gonna use tags man. Well got that done put Superman twice ha sorry. Yet yeah I'm gonna use the stars rating. I'm gonna rate this movie 4 stars. I liked the movie. Honestly I feel it's a nice start to this DCEU and I feel Warner Bros should of really had that in mind instead of what I heard a trilogy. They should of had a plan for this to be in a DCEU. But I'm glad they are at least sticking with it man. The film gets more exciting as it goes on, everyone does a good job, and it has moments that shine, great action, a great score. Yet it I feel it could of been a bit better. Including with the writing. Did I give oh yeah ha I did four stars man. I'm thinking of watching it well Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice the ultimate edition on Blu Ray like I watched this on Blu Ray on my PS4. Also during the first half of the movie two updates like Lego Marvel's Avengers finished downloading yes bought that game, and Outlast 2 updates. So hoped to enjoy the review.

#superman #dc #dceu #man of steel #batman v superman

[portugalisinsa]

Telling my Friend, Who Still Hasn't Watched Gotham, All About S03E13 (and Why I Haven't Told Her Anything Else)

Me: So let's start with something neither of us gives a shit about: Catwoman.

--------------------------------

Me: Selina is quite reasonably angry about her mother abandoning her when she was five or something. I posit that if she was this annoying when she was five then I kinda see where her mother comes from, but understanding is not condoning and all that.

--------------------------------

Me: And you think, okay, so this boring dribble about her being angry about her mother abandoning her is going to be her plot for the season, I see, I hate it but it's not like I was really paying attention when she happened anyway. However, you'd be wrong, because two scenes later Bruce says "being an orphan sucks" and she discovers that her mother had a box full of things that reminded her of Selina, so she's instantly forgiven.

Friend: ...Then what was the point of this?

Me: I have no idea. My theory is that somebody told the writers "no, there's always drama when people find their estranged parents, so we must have this" and the writers were like "ugh, FINE, here's your stupid DRAMA".

--------------------------------

Me: Alfred has a crush on Selina's mother. There's nothing much to say other that it's embarrassing for everyone involved, most of all the audience.

--------------------------------

Me: Done with that, let's go on with the next completely useless drama: Lee. I'm pretty sure she didn't see her husband running towards her with a knife for reasons too unlikely to explain, so she's pretty angry at Gordon for killing him. Which is understandable, I'm not saying it isn't, but does it warrant her causing a scene in front of the entire GCPD in which she calls out Gordon? Wouldn't a call have sufficed?

Friend: Imagine being part of the crowd and seeing that, though, it must have been amazing.

Me: Oh yeah, I assume someone was passing the pop-corn.

--------------------------------

Me: So you think, oh, this must be her plot for the season, right? Well you would be wrong.

Friend: Jesus christ, does it get solved the next scene too?

Me: No, the next scene has her and Falcone posing while discussing how they both hate Gordon and he must die.

--------------------------------

Me: By the way, I never told you about Zsasz, I think, so very quickly: he's awesome. He's a hitman, but I swear to god I can't understand who the fuck he's working for. He was very loyal to Falcone the first season, but then he was taking orders from Penguin, then from Ed, then from Falcone again. I assume he's freelance, but in my heart he works in a waffle house. He also usually works with a crowd of leather-clad women who are apparently called 'the Zsaszettes'. As I said- fucking awesome.

--------------------------------

Me: Lee then talks to Barnes, you know, I Am The Lawwwwwww, to ask him about the virus. I have no idea why she doesn't ask Mad Hatter, the guy who actually infected him, but whatever.

Friend: Maybe because he's a fucking hypnotist.

--------------------------------

Me: Barnes is all "no, I totally like killing and I want to do it forever" and Lee is like "that instantly makes me change my mind" and sends her to Falcone to beg him to spare Gordon. Falcone thinks nostalgically of times gone by, when people angered the mafia and their bodies ended up in a barrel of acid with no 'ifs' or 'buts': then he remembers he's the kind of idiot who had a woman who wanted to kill him and get his criminal empire tortured rather than killed, and brainwashed the right hand of the aforementioned woman because, I don't know, there's no person who knows how to keep a club who also hasn't tried to betray him, I guess, and spares Gordon.

--------------------------------

Me: So thus concludes another one-season-plot in one single episode. In my mind, an image of the writers mumbling "there, you have your fucking former-lover drama now, you happy now? Are you being entertained?! ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE SHITS?!" appears.

--------------------------------

Me: On to Nygmobblepot. Edward has disappeared, leaving a guy who looks a lot like Draco Malfoy behind. Penguin, no longer the most Slytherin guy in the room, pouts.

--------------------------------

Me: Then this woman appears and she's all "come on my show, so you will be revealed as a horrible person in front of the whole US and be ruined forever."

Friend: ...I see at least two problems there.

--------------------------------

Me: Okay, so, long story, I never told you about Penguin's father, but basically he was this nice guy who met Penguin when he was reformed, and he was the best, and he was married with a wicked woman and her two children, another wicked woman and a guy who I honestly kind of loved, he was too dumb to be malicious in his dickery and I think he actually wanted to pounce Penguin. Like, in a sexy way.

--------------------------------

Me: -he made her eat her children, then chopped off her head and mounted it somewhere in the mansion where I think it still is

Friend: God I love Penguin

--------------------------------

Me: His father appears and he's like "beware the birthday boy", and I was like 'the birthday boy better not be Edward, because 'Edward' has way fewer syllables than 'birthday boy''. Then it turns out the birthday boy was Draco Malfoy, and I was like "oh, okay, he just had no idea what was his name, got you".

--------------------------------

Me: The woman now goes "be ready, mr Cobblepot, the world is watching". Somehow, that is not supposed to be a joke.

Friend: Why the fuck would the world care about an interview to the mayor of some city? Do they translate it for other countries? Are you telling me that, in Gotham's world, Japan is watching the interview to the mayor of Modena?

--------------------------------

Me: We then discover this was all a plan by Edward to... something something ruin Penguin in front of the people.

Friend: ........I still see at least one glaring flaw in this plan.

--------------------------------

Me: My main problem with this is, I'm pretty sure that's what counts as an April Fools in Edward's world. Like, tell me stealing the corpse of Penguin's father and then hiring a shapeshifter to be the father's ghost and make Penguin slowly lose his mind and kill a random person isn't Edward's version of sticking a 'kick me' sign on his back.

--------------------------------

Me: So that was a couple of episodes ago. Now you might be wondering, what happened after that? The answer is, I only have a vague idea, because I don't really care to find out.

Friend: Oh? Why?

Me: Well, Gordon's and Harvey's plot was that there's a group of people who want to bring Jerome back to life, so I'm now debating whether I care enough about Nygmobblepot to suffer through Jerome. The answer is, I don't. God, I so don't.

--------------------------------

Me: I just, look, ignoring the fact that I don't like him as a character- I saw some gifs of Jerome in the following episodes, alright, and apparently it was him trying to make Bruce kill someone, and for fuck's sake, if I have to live through another fucking villain that wants to destroy the hero's ideology I will punch a fucking puppy.

--------------------------------

Me: The truth is that Christopher Nolan ruined us. He made his Batman movies, and now villains are too fucking fancy to just want to kill people with a big laser. What is wrong with wanting to take over the world? What's wrong with wanting to kill the hero with a rock? Big rocks are good. There's no shame in being practical.

[lefilmdujour]

Another 500th movie celebration

My Tumblr just reached the 1000 movies mark, so I figured it’s time I write something about my last 2 and a half years of movie viewings and recommend 50 more movies out of the ones I’ve seen since the last 500th movie celebration.

Times have been strange in the last couple of years, and my movie habits have reflected it. There have been times when watching films was all I would do, but there have also been moments of complete disconnection from the medium. I went from watching several movies every day to spending months avoiding anything to do with sitting through a movie. 

Part of it had to do with the space I share with my demons, but mostly there has been a change of pace. My laptop died, it took me months to get another one only to also die on me. On the other hand, an enormous chunk of my viewings have been in cinemas or squats, which is a very positive change but led me to watch more recent films in detriment of classics or ancient underappreciated gems. I also got my first TV in over a decade this month, and my very first Netflix account last week, so I may be exploring streaming a bit more, although so far I am not finding the experience  at all satisfying. All pointless excuses since I went through 500+ movies in a little over two years, which is not bad at all.

It was hard to pick only 50 movies this time, and the list would have probably looked a little different if I did it tomorrow. Regardless, here are 50 movies I recommend, and why. Random order, all deserving of love and attention.

Ghost World (Terry Zwigoff) - This movie is unfairly  ignored in the best comic book adaptation lists out there on the internet. The opening scene is memorable, the soundtrack is a lesson in early Blues, and the characters are quirky and well written.

Hate (Mathieu Kassovitz) - An absolute classic about the class system in France and its tendency to end up in riots. Beautiful shot and highly quotable. Saw it a few times, the last of them with a live score from Asian Dub Foundation. One of the greats.

Audition (Takashi Miike) - Whenever I’m asked about my favorite horror movie, I tend to fall back on this one. Audition is very slow, starting out soft but with an underlying tension that builds until the absolutely gut-wrenching finale that makes us question our own sanity. Brilliant subversion of the “hear, don’t see” rule, just the though of some of the sounds used in the most graphic scenes still send shivers down my spine.

Kedi (Ceyda Torun) - A Turkish documentary about street cats, what’s there not to like?

Sympathy for Lady Vengeance (Park Chan-wook) - The third in the loosely-connected Vengeance trilogy by Park Chan-wook, and my favorite of the bunch, especially the Fade to Black and White edition, in which the movie very gradually loses color as the violence grows. A visual masterpiece.

Paterson (Jim Jarmusch) - The poetry of routine. Adam Driver is one hell of an actor.

Love Me If You Dare (Yann Samuell) - Two people that obviously love each other but are not mature enough to follow it through. Frustrating. Beautiful. Made me sob.

The Exterminating Angel (Luis Buñuel) - I am realizing that a good part of this list deals with frustration. A group of people finds themselves unable to leave a party for no apparent reason. Buñuel is a genious in surrealism, I have yet to watch most of his Mexican period.

The Mutants (Teresa Villaverde) - Kids on the run from themselves. Strong visuals, very moving interactions at times. A hard but very rewarding watch. Teresa Villaverde’s entire filmography also gets a seal of approval.

Bad Education (Pedro Almodóvar) - A movie about sexuality and problematic relationships, taken to unbelievable extremes.

The Death of Mr. Lazarescu (Cristi Puiu) - The adventures of Mr. Lazarescu as he struggles to find help for the sudden pain he feels and ends up being passed on from hospital to hospital. Felt very real. Sold as a comedy, but I found it terrifying. 

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (Yorgos Lanthimos) - A classic greek tragedy brought to the modern age. My favorite Lanthimos film, ranking slightly below Dogtooth. The deadpan acting and the unnerving sound serves as wonderful misdirection.

It’s Such a Beautiful Day (Don Hertzfeldt) - Three shorts stitched together to create a confusing, philosophical, absurd, funny and deep masterpiece. The animation skills of Don Hertzfeldt needs more recognition.

Amores Perros (Alejandro González Iñárritu) - A movie so good it didn’t even had an English name. Three tales of love, violence and loss, all linked by a dog.

Endless Poetry (Alejandro Jodorowsky) - Jodorowsky’s romanticized auto-biography, played by his own sons.Bohemian and poetic.

The Passion of Joan of Arc (Carl Theodor Dreyer) - Show this movie to someone who refuses to watch silent movies. The acting is so impactful and emotional, and the use of close ups was highly unusual for the time. A 90-plus years old masterpiece.

Everything is Illuminated (Liev Schreiber) - Sunflowers.

Dunkirk (Christopher Nolan) - I have a soft spot for war movies, as to remind myself how brutal people can be to their fellow man and how meaningless the concept of nations truly is. This movie in particular achieves greatness due to its usage of sound, the best I’ve heard in recent memory.

Vagabond (Agnès Varda) - Be careful of what you wish for yourself, you may end up frozen and miserable in a ditch (spoilers for literally the first few seconds of the film).

Stroszek (Werner Herzog) - I know Herzog mostly through his documentaries. His voice brings me the feeling of a deranged grandpa sharing stories of a reality tainted by dementia. I have yet to explore his fiction work in-depth, and this has been my starting point. Stroszek is bleak and desperate but humor still shines through it at times. Ian Curtis allegedly hung himself after watching it. Not sure if this story is real, but it once more feeds into the Herzog myth.

HyperNormalization (Adam Curtis) - Put together through found footage and newscasts, HyperNormalization is an unforgiving study on how we got to where we currently are. Fake becomes real. Trust is an abandoned concept. “They've undermined our confidence in the news that we are reading/And they make us fight each other with our faces buried deep inside our phones”, as AJJ sings in Normalization Blues. Which you should also check out.

Chicken with Plums (Marjane Satrapi & Vincent Paronnaud) - A man decides to die, so he goes to bed and waits. An apparent simple plot that uncovers a world of beauty and poetry, as life passes slowly through the man’s eyes.

The Florida Project (Sam Baker) - William Dafoe was born to play the role of a motel manager. He is so natural in his role that I think he would actually be great in that job. The rest of the movie is great too, but his performance is the highlight for me.

Lucky (John Carroll Lynch) - Speaking of great performances, Lucky is Harry Dean Stanton’s final movie and a great send off. IMDB describes it best: “The spiritual journey of a ninety-year-old atheist.“

Paris, Texas (Wim Wenders) - More Harry Dean Stanton. The desert plays a more than decorative role in this wonderful movie, representing the emptiness that comes from estrangement. A story about reunion and all that can come from it.

On Chesil Beach (Dominic Cooke) - I sometimes cry in movies, but this one shook me to the core. A play on expectations and reactions and their devastating impact on relationships. We all fuck up sometimes. Try not to fuck up like these characters did, not on that level, you will never be able to make up for it.

The Royal Tenenbaums (Wes Anderson) - An absolute classic. A movie about the concept of family.

No Country for Old Men (Coen Brothers) - Murder mysteries and bad haircuts.

Dawson City: Frozen Time (Bill Morrison) - I highly recommend this documentary for anyone who professes their love for cinema. The story of how hundreds of lost silent movies were preserved though sheer luck and human stupidity. Seeing these damaged frames coming back to life is truly magical.

Mandy (Panos Cosmatos) - Some films turn into cult experiences through the years, some selected few are already born that way. Mandy is a psychedelic freak-out and Nicholas Cage fits like a glove in its weirdness. If you didn’t catch it while in cinemas, you’re already missing out on the full experience. Mandy is filled with film grain, which adds to the hallucinogenic experience with its continuous movement, a feature that does not translate when transferred to a digital medium. 

City of God (Fernando Meirelles & Kátia Lund) - A masterpiece of Brazilian cinema, very meaningful and relatable if you grew up in a similar environment. One of the most quotable films in my memory, something that gets lost in translation if you don’t speak Portuguese. My Tumblr is mostly pictures because I “só sei lê só as figura”.

Loro (Paolo Sorrentino) - On the topic of languages, I watched this Italian movie with Dutch subtitles, by mistake. It is actually an interesting exercise, watching something without fully grasping every word and letting your mind patch the pieces together to make a coherent narrative. Impressive cinematography, amazing script. I learned a lot about corruption, not everyone has a price. I also learned I can speak Italian now.

Roma (Alfonso Cuarón) - Beautiful shot, every frame of it can be turned into a picture. Roma is about the meaning of family, seen from the eyes of someone who will never be part of it. A lot of people considered this movie boring and pointless. These people probably have maids at home.

Bad Times at the El Royale (Drew Goddard) - Engaging heist movie, well developed characters, amazing soundtrack.

Melancholia (Lars von Trier) - The World is coming to an end and the date and time has been announced. How would you react to these news? Would it matter?

Climax (Gaspar Noé) - A very scary experience, equal parts trippy and evil like all Gaspar Noé’s movies. A dark ballet that that shocks and confuses the senses. Dante’s Inferno.

Fish Tank (Andrea Arnold) - A strong story about ambitions, neglect and survival. Katie Jarvis is very realistic in her performance, a little too much judging by her history after the movie.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (Ana Lily Amirpour) - An Iranian feminist movie about vampirism and records. Watched it with live score from The Black Heart Rebellion for extra cool points.

Another Day of Life (Raul de la Fuente & Damian Nenow) - Based on Ryszard Kapuściński‘s autobiography, Another Day of Life consists of rotoscopic animation sprinkled with interviews. A look at the Cold War in the African continent, and an important watch for everyone, especially Portuguese and Angolan nationals.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (Quentin Tarantino) - Rich in dialogues and paced very slowly until the insane climax, this is probably the best Tarantino film after Pulp Fiction. Filled to the brim with cinematic references, it’s a delight to all film nerds. Looking forward for an Bud Spencer/Terrence Hill film adaption with Leonardo Dicaprio and Brad Pitt after this.

The Beach Bum (Harmony Korine) - Google’s top voted tags: Boring. Mindless. Cringe-Worthy. Forgettable. Slow. Illogical. Looks like this movie didn’t resonate well with the audiences, but then again Harmony Korine’s stuff is not for the masses. I personally think this is one of his best movies, a true exercise on nihilism. The main character is lovable and detestable in equal parts, and every action is pointless. Such is life, the only meaning it has is attributed by yourself.

The Mirror (Andrei Tarkovsky) - A man reflects on his life. Memories tend to get fuzzy, conflicting and confusing. More like a poem than a narrative. A dreamy masterpiece.

The Spirit of the Beehive (Víctor Erice) - The most charming child of this list, she couldn’t memorize the names of the characters she interacted with so they were changed to the names of the actual actors. The innocence of childhood in dark times.

A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Existence (Roy Andersson) - A series of absurd vignettes connected by a pair of novelty items salesmen and their struggle to bring a smile to a grey World. Slow, but humorous and delightful. An unconventional and memorable ride.

Man Bites Dog (Rémy Belvaux, André Bonzel & Benoît Poelvoorde) - Fake documentary about a serial killer. Heavy, gruesome and hard to watch, despite the false sense of humor in some scenes.A glimpse at the darkness of human nature.

Tangerine (Sean Baker) - Shot with cell phones. A story about love, gender and friendship. Funny, sad, touching.

The Guilty (Gustav Möller) - Focused on a shift of an emergency dispatcher, the camera focuses only on his face and phone interactions with the callers.A very effective thriller, its setting leads us to create our own narratives just to subvert them at the most unexpected times.

Cold War (Paweł Pawlikowski) - Loosely inspired in Pawlikowski’s parents, Cold War is a beautiful love story set against impossible odds. Powerful and heartbreaking. 

Parasite (Bong Joon-ho) - Poor family scams rich family. Rich family takes advantage of poor family. Everybody feeds off of everyone. Drama/Comedy/Thriller/Horror/Romance about control, delivered in a masterclass on cinematic rhythm. Best film of its year for me.

The Straight Story (David Lynch) - More than the fact that this movie is radically different than the remaining Lynch work, The Straight Story is a wonderful exercise in pacing and storytelling. Mr. Straight’s stories allow us to fill in the blanks with our imagination, and their impact in him is also felt in us. An underappreciated gem in its apparent simplicity.

Thank you very much for reading.

#yay me #Movie Recommendation

[articulate-response-blog]

“I Think 'Dunkirk' Was Mediocre at Best, and It's Not Because I'm Some Naive Woman Who Doesn't Get It”

The offending article in question: http://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity/news/a28515/dunkirk-movie-review/ by Mehera Bonner

I am a white man. I take issue with Bonner’s article not because I hate “SJWs” or “Feminazis,” but because this article stylizes itself as a movie review and instead uses most of its space to tear down strawmen and generally be misandrist.

misandry: noun; dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men

Let’s look at the text of the article itself:

“That movie was fucking bomb." That was one reaction I overheard after watching Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's new directorial gift to men, who are currently spending their time fervently ranking his movies, arguing about said rankings, and—presumably—wearing fedoras completely un-ironically. Or even worse, ironically.

Bonner begins with a thesis of sorts: Dunkirk is a “directorial gift to men,” and men who enjoy his movies like to wear fedoras, presumably because they are stupid. 

However, as we will see, Bonner does not fully support her thesis. She does bring up some valid criticism of the movie, but the article seems to devolve into repeating the same language found in this first paragraph without explaining her points. I’m not saying she needs to provide “data and statistics” for her movie review. Movie reviews are subjective. She needs to explain why Dunkirk is a “directorial gift to men,” and, if possible, why men are stupid and like to wear fedoras.

Obviously she doesn’t outright state that men are stupid here (that comes later), but for Bonner, the fedora is a synecdoche for the stereotype of a “neckbeard”: a white, fat, fedora-wearing man, who generally holds sexist beliefs and attitudes, while at the same time complaining and loudly wondering why they are not socially popular. The neckbeard is a strawman- but it’s not even clear what should be in place of the strawman. For no better reason, Bonner seems to mention men if only because Dunkirk is generally about a war populated heavily by men. There are no neckbeards in Dunkirk. 

If Bonner wanted to address the societal implications of Dunkirk, or explain how the heated anti-woman and anti-minority atmosphere of the current day played into her opinion of Dunkirk, I would be fine with that. In fact, I wouldn’t be writing this at all. I don’t think movies or any other art need to be divorced from the society in which they were made to be able to judge them fairly. But Bonner doesn’t do that. She just attacks “pretentious men” who “would love nothing more than to explain to [Bonner] why [she’s] wrong about not liking it.”

There are points about the film in this article:

The thing is, I just don't think Dunkirk is a very good movie—if your definition of the word movie is "moving images held together by a plot." Like, yes: Dunkirk is very well-made. I felt like I was going to vomit during it, because that's how intense it was. And if your interests include riding a visual roller coaster called war, you will love it. But if you're a fan of films with plots, Dunkirk doesn't play that game. It's as if Christopher Nolan (sorry, "Nolan") plucked out the war scene from a script, and was like "let's just make this part extra long and call it a movie, lol."

Here Bonner notes that she believes the film is well-made, but criticizes the overall plot structure of Dunkirk- something which has been divisive. Some critics like the structure, others don’t. I wonder what part of Dunkirk’s “plot” didn’t resonate with Bonner, but she doesn’t elaborate, instead choosing to mock “war movie fans,” “Christopher Nolan fans,” and Nolan himself.

The film, in case you aren't already aware due to the endless critical musings devoted to it, is about the real life battle of Dunkirk—where British and Allied troops were rescued by civilian boats and evacuated. It's a story worthy of being told and re-told, and I really enjoy war movies in general, but still—actual stuff needs to happen. Stuff other than scenes of men burning in oil-covered water, ships sinking, and bodies drowning. If you want to argue that the non-stop violent intensity of the film was the point, and that we should feel fully immersed in the war like we're living it ourselves—I present Harry Styles.

I would disagree with her that what is pictured in Dunkirk isn’t “actual stuff.” I’m not sure what she means by “actual stuff,” again, because she doesn’t elaborate, but she does bring up a good point about Harry Styles:

The One Direction band member did a surprisingly impressive job in what turned out to be a pretty major role, but I refuse to believe it's possible for any viewer with even a semblance of pop-culture knowledge not see him and immediately go "OMG, it's Harry Styles."

I think this is an interesting point. I haven’t seen it mentioned by any other critics and it is definetly something I would agree with Bonner about. Seeing Styles in the movie distracted me from the overall tone (the “violent intensity” that Bonner mentioned earlier), and made me focus more on his performance.

Much like Ed Sheeran's cameo in Game of Thrones, having a pop star casually show up in a film will inevitably remove the audience from the narrative and ground them back in reality. Harry Styles is a constant reminder to the viewer that the movie isn't real, while the entire excuse for the film's intense and admittedly-impressive cinematography is to convince the viewer that they're right there in it. You can't have your Harry Styles cake and eat it too.

Yup. 

But my main issue with Dunkirk is that it's so clearly designed for men to man-out over.

Unfortunately, here we veer off the rails and return to Bonner’s “thesis.”

And look, it's not like I need every movie to have "strong female leads." Wonder Woman can probably tide me over for at least a year, and I understand that this war was dominated by brave male soldiers. I get that.

A prevailing theme in this article is language that suggests Bonner needs to justify her criticisms even before she makes them, especially in regards to the “directorial gift to men” argument.

Let’s watch how Bonner begins to make a point about the film, but instead replaces it with misandry:

But the packaging of the film, the general vibe, and the tenor of the people applauding it just screams "men-only"

Ok, how?

—and specifically seems to cater to a certain type of very pretentious man who would love nothing more than to explain to me why I'm wrong about not liking it. If this movie were a dating profile pic, it would be a swole guy at the gym who also goes to Harvard. If it was a drink it would be Stumptown coffee. If it was one of your friends, it would be the one who starts his sentences with "I get what you're saying, but..."

Oh.

I guess congratulations are in order for Nolan managing to unite high-brow male critics and very annoying people on Twitter under a common bromance, but to me, Dunkirk felt like an excuse for men to celebrate maleness—which apparently they don't get to do enough.

Oh.

I might as well ask again- how did the packaging and general vibe promote this idea of “men-only?” How does Dunkirk feel like an excuse for men to celebrate maleness? Why are the men (and only men) who like Dunkirk, douche bros? 

Bonner does not go on to explain.

Fine, great, go forth, but if Nolan's entire purpose is breaking the established war movie mold and doing something different—why not make a movie about women in World War II? Or—because I know that will illicit cries of "ugh, not everything has to be about feminism, ugh!"—how about any other marginalized group?

Because that’s not Nolan’s idea of “breaking the established war movie mold.” In Nolan’s other films, he focuses heavily on non-linear plots, among other things. Bringing that conception of plot to war movies does break the war movie mold. Taking out “men” and slotting in “women or other marginalized groups” to make a war movie does not break the war movie mold.

These stories shouldn't be relegated to indie films and Oscar season. It's up to giant powerhouse directors like Nolan to tell them, which is why Dunkirk feels so basic.

Here is a list of 10 films about women in wartime, by the British Film Institute. Here is Red Tails, a movie about the (all-black) Tuskegee Airmen, released in late January 2012 (after Oscar season), with a budget of 58 million dollars.

I agree there is a shortage of movies about the experiences of women and minorities in all time periods, but to charge Nolan with creating a movie that was “an excuse for men to celebrate maleness” because he didn’t focus on who Bonner wanted him to is ridiculous. 

It's a summer war movie. It'll make you fear for the future and pray that we never fight again. You might get kind of sick. If you're like me, a random man will come up to you after and explain why you're wrong for disliking it. But this war movie isn't special. At the end of the day, it's like all the rest of them.

As a side point, I’m not sure how a random man could come up to you and explain why you’re wrong for disliking it- how would this random man know you disliked it?

Bonner’s conclusion, and article overall, is very weak. It spent some time discussing the movie, but also spent more time leveling ridiculous attacks at people who like the movie, mostly because they are men. 

I’m conflicted, however, because I can somewhat see the reasoning underpinning Bonner’s complaints about “pretentious men.” There has always been a culture of male eliteness in filmmaking, and especially in film criticism, and for a movie like Dunkirk, helmed by one of the most successful directors in the world, it’s not surprising that such a culture would be on display. But none of Bonner’s article seems to be addressing that culture, and Bonner doesn’t handle the subject with any seriousness. 

The article comes off as a way to bait other critics, especially male ones, into a session of “well you’re sexist because you can’t handle my opinion. har har isn’t the male ego so fragile?”

But what do I know? I’m a man, after all.

#dunkirk #review #response #articulate #feminism #sjws #strawman #misandry #misogony #marie claire #mehera bonner

[caredogstips]

5 Movie Endings People Think Are Ambiguous( But Aren’t)

In a perfect macrocosm, every movie would end with the main personas jump-start into the breath to give each other a thunderous freeze-frame high five. Unhappily, the world’s screenwriters and heads have crafted many pacts whereby these sorts of purposing is seen as “out of place, ” for some odd ground. In its stead, we get stuffs like pathetic stops, ambiguous culminations, and worst of all , non-ambiguous culminations that some people really like to believe are ambiguous.

Ambiguous objectives can be nice, but trying to force-feed ambiguity into a storey is like dissolving your Taco Bell order with “And I’d like a five-layer beef and cheese burrito. OR WOULD I? ” At good, it’s unnecessarily complicating happenings, and at worse, it’s pestering any persons but you. And in the event of its these five movies, it’s predominantly the latter.

5

No, Bruce Wayne Definitely Survives At The Intent Of The Dark Knight Rises

In The Dark Knight Rises , Gotham locates itself threatened with its annual whale projectile. Batman, being a generally good guy, determined to fly the bomb out into the bay, where it won’t hurt anyone, likely . Everyone ponders Batman is dead, including Alfred, who sobs into the camera about it. But wait! Alfred is at a coffeehouse in Italy, and he examines Bruce there. They make each other a knowing “Ayyy. Remember the Scarecrow? That was some shit, riiiiight ? ” gazes, and the movie ends.

That seems like a fairly definitive stamp on stuffs. Bruce Wayne withdrew to travel around the world, presumably replenishing his Instagram account with photographs of Selina Kyle at different European beaches. And the only ones who know that he’s finally living up to his trust fund girl likenes are Lucius Fox and Alfred, who goes on to be a guy with an accent. But this wasn’t definitive enough for some people, and the riddle of what really happened when Batman blew up his big stupid bat-themed helicopter over the atlantic provinces eventually reached actor Christian Bale, who basically responded with “It’s up to you, but duh.”

But how we got to the point where we had to have a Batman actor clarify a goddamn Batman movie to us baffles me. And it’s not because of what’s in the dialogue or in the planned, but because of what it implies if you believe that Gotham Harbor is currently fitted with charred Bat hunks. If Batman succumbed, it means that Christopher Nolan objective his epic trilogy with an old-time British boy knowledge a total mental breakdown.

Christopher Nolan doesn’t always cater a definite answer at the end of his movies. Both Inception and Interstellar were constructed to deter you quarrelling with your dorm copulates for the rest of the year. But for there to be a question at the end of The Dark Knight Rises entertains the possibility that the last gleam that we get of our beloved Alfred is one in which he is duelling with the growing specter of senility. He’s verifying imaginations of the adopted son whom he “failed” to save. Joseph Gordon-Levitt rises into the Batcave triumphantly, but just before that, the heart and soul of the greatest Batman adventure in modern cinema coilings headlong into dementia.

That’s more “gritty and dark” than anything Zack Snyder put into Batman v. Superman . If you’re cool with Batman feeing it at the end of Rises , you’re also cool with Michael Caine rounding out his narration arc with a sprint into his own crumbling psyche.

4

Nobody Is The Thought At The Objective Of The Thing

Out of any of the cinemas on such lists, The Thing is the one that deserves “the worlds largest” surmise. As soon as a group of dogs be converted into a screeching, tentacled bladder monster, the cinema instantly centres around the question of “Who is the Thing? ” And as we soon catch out, the answer to that is “Most people.” Various throw members explode into a ceremony of alien extremities, and by the end, exclusively two men are left. Sadly, they’re both too psychotic to make the other out of their see, so they’re likely going to freeze to demise. Fun fact: This movie came out two weeks after E.T ., as if to reply “Bull and shit, Spielberg. E.T. should’ve been popping out of that little boy’s foreman by now.”

So I can see why we’d approach the ending with “Well, one of them is probably the Happen, because 80 percent of this shoot has been the Thing.” It’s the safe alternative. But the committee is also kind of removes any sense of misfortune. Interpret, the best part of The Thing — better than that time the dude’s leader attracted itself off his form, and more efficient than the time the other dude’s president turned into a giant move of jaws, and better than the time that the dude’s chest opened up to eat the arms off person — is the intense dread of watching the busters gradually lose their shit on each other as they become more and more unsure of who to trust.

The Thing is a deliciou protest against apathy and attached extremities. But it’s is held by some of best available flavor that the repugnance genre has to offer. And yes, a lot of that atmosphere comes from the fact that you’re invariably waiting for someone in the group to sprout tendrils and inaugurate snacking on his acquaintances, but it also comes from the idea that even if you’re not the Thing, your former bros don’t give a shit. They’re gonna kill you regardless because you might be the Thing.

The purposing is much more satisfying and happy where reference is travels from being a climb scare that you just kind of have to gues happens at some part during the recognitions to two guys that get a super-fatal client of frostbite because neither was the Thing, but neither was ever actually certain of that. They’d instead turn into copiously mustached icicles than give some melty nightmare bandit get the descend on them again.

3

Mickey Rourke Is Quite Dead At The Culminate Of The Wrestler

In The Wrestler , Mickey Rourke plays Randy “The Ram” Robinson, health professionals wrestler who has met better dates. He allows one to grappling in Madison Square Garden. Now he wrestles in the back chamber of a community center on darkness when seniors Bingo isn’t packing the place out. He used to have enormous stamina. Now his centre is all like “Wrestling? Heh. Good one, dude.” He likewise partly lives in his van, and I assume that during the years prior, he had enough coin living a life in a lot of vans. Any van he wanted.

A doctor has made it very clear to Randy that he shouldn’t be battling if he likes exhaling. But at the end, when he’s been dumped by Marisa Tomei too many times and his daughter dislikes him, he withdraws to the ring for one last-place competition. And as he goes to the top line, he starts to have nerve questions. But he climbs off regardless and the screen fades to black. And you’re left to wonder if he died, or if he only had some middle stabs and went back to his awful, Marisa-Tomei-less life.

Except he died. He entirely, absolutely croaked. Because his whole attribute arc is him giving fighting destroy him alive. He’s got nothing else. He works at a deli, but his boss is a dick, and he’s constantly reluctant that someone is going to recognize him from his more piledrive-oriented pastimes. He desperately wants to connect with people, but he’s got too many issues to consistently hang out with anyone but other wrestlers. Also, a doctor literally told him that battling again fucking kill him. And at no degree does he approach that admonition with “But what if I dine a lot of yogurt and greens? ” He approached it with “Cocaine, you say? “

But most of all, he has to die at the end because his narration isn’t meant to conclude with “He woke up in the hospital and lived disappointingly ever after.” Him not expiring means that there’s certain kinds of future for Randy in which he’s Kohl’s Employee of the Month, or that he vanquished the stranges by never tag-teaming with a heart attack. Randy croaks because succumbing is all he’s are left. Leading on without elbow ceases ain’t their own lives worth living.

2

No Country For Old Men Ends With An Old Man Talking, Not With A Question

You should be prepared for No Country For Old Men when it comes. Josh Brolin, the most significant situation that the movie has to a hero, expires offscreen. Anton Chigurh, a terrifying psychopath with best available cut to ever come out of a Great Clips, limps away after being hit by a car. And Woody Harrelson is inserted as a reward hunter, merely to die 20 a few minutes later after a quiet communication. No arc in the movie ends with a typical Hollywood “We did it thanks to you, Wolverine! ” Instead, all we get is a slight murmur of “Umm, alright.”

And then, as if this film was only fabricated to piss off the people I made with me to see it( who thought we were going to Saw IV ), the movie closes with a Tommy Lee Jones monologue about a fantasy he had about his dad. And this isn’t simply a regular sermon about masculinity and aging and time; this is a Tommy Lee Jones RUMINATION on manlines and aging and era, which means that it’s twice as important as any regular rumination that you or I could take part in. And that might be why people decided that there was some persisting question that the movie “d left” unanswered. Tommy Lee Jones was talking, and then the movie dissolved. There HAS to be something there.

But — and this is no diss on Tommy Lee Jones, as he could make a prolapsed rectum seem dignified hitherto colloquial — No Country For Old Men ends with an age-old buster talking his wife’s ear off over breakfast. It’s a fib that relates to the scheme of the movie, and that’s all. Every character arc in the thing has come to a close. If the camera unexpectedly cut to Anton Chigurh plucking up to Jones’ house and winking at the camera, I would hurl every bag of popcorn that ever existed at the screen, because that would be an actual ambiguous ending.

However, because, as I mentioned , none of the character arcs actually get anything in the way of a standard culminate, the whole occasion seem to be go the flare wagon of ambiguity off the cliff. But one of the major themes of the narration is the idea that destiny isn’t genuinely something that you can rely on. And in all such cases, concluding the movie with Tommy Lee Jones mope over an increasingly cold beaker of coffee is perfectly straightforward.

1

American Psycho Is About A Weird Dude, Not A Murderer

I detected the same way about American Psycho that a lot of my friends experienced about Fight Club . Both cinemas came out in the late ‘9 0s, and both films asked you the issue of what the hell are you merely saw. You travelled from has become a middle-schooler who assimilated Roland Emmerich cinemas like M& M’s to being a bona fide seventh-grade movie scholar. You sipped Mountain Dew out of fine pottery and spoke happens like “Have you verified Donnie Darko ? ” or “I liked Blade 2 , but I also liked Blade . And that’s exactly me.”

I’d subsequently go on to read the book American Psycho , which was a decent ordeal that I never want to have again. But I rewatched the film over and over again, and each time, I travel the line between “Was Patrick Bateman a killer? ” and “Was he precisely a horrendous, terrible Wall Street bro? ” And then I recognized why I was indecisive: I was still kind of said he hopes that American Psycho was a slasher flick.

I don’t care as much about it now as I used to, but for a long time, I urgently desired validation when it came to my sakes. And one of my pastimes has always been slasher movies — which, in the public’s gaze, tend to hold steady-going on the scale of assessments of Cinematic Greatness somewhere between softcore porn and The Phantom Menace . So when a “slasher” film like American Psycho gets a positive reply and a real intellectual of an pointing, you latch onto it. “SEE? ” you scream atop of a throne of Friday The 13 th box creates. “DO YOU SEE NOW? “

Slasher cinemas are full of mayhem and blood and guts, and so is American Psycho . But in a slasher cinema, the killed are rarely the product of someone’s imagination. They’re frequently exceedingly, very real and extremely, very hard for the next year’s staff members of camp counselors-at-law to clean up. But the time you remove American Psycho from the idea that it might be a slasher movie, or even a slasher movie disguised as a hoity-toity skill occasion, it becomes painfully obvious that none of the assassination are real.

They invariably descends suggestions that they never appeared — their own bodies being missing and no one knowing what Patrick Bateman is talking about and the guy at the end who’s like “Please, Christian Bale. You’re embarrassing me in this fine Ronald-Reagan-approved cocktail place with all of your sweat.” And then, like Bateman at the end of the film, you’re forced to sit down and consider what is real. And then you think “Maybe I’ll watch American Psycho II for more answers. That can only help me.” And you shouldn’t.

Don’t do it. Don’t fuckin’ do it.

Daniel has a podcast about Top 40 music and a Twitter .

Read more:

The post 5 Movie Endings People Think Are Ambiguous( But Aren’t) appeared first on caredogstips.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2uoIOsJ via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

[justinmoviereviews]

The Class of 2016

This will be updated, and reviews are subject to be totally meaningless. Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing about a movie, ya know?

Free State of Jones - Gary Ross

This movie looks amazing. I’ll be honest, I didn’t pay a lot of attention. It’s really long. Matthew McConaughey frees the slaves, or something. It looks and sounds great. It made me want to live in the south. Anyway, with this I’m done obsessively watching movies from 2016. I don’t think there were any masterpieces from last year, but it definitely popped out a couple really solid movies. I'm not so into rankings, but here are my top six, and they are truly in no order at all. These are just the six movies from last year that I would hang on my wall:

The Lobster Manchester By The Sea Everybody Wants Some! Green Room Hell or High Water Moonlight

Hacksaw Ridge - Mel Gibson

You can skip the first hour of this--we probably don’t need another movie where a guy falls in love with a girl and then holds firm to his convictions, especially when it’s done in a way as hackneyed as this one is--but the second half is awesome. The ultra-bloody war movie you’d expect from the guy who made a snuff film about Jesus.

Hidden Figures - Theodore Melfi

Say this for these kinds of movies: they’re getting better. The black characters have more agency, the white characters are less benevolent. At the very least, this movie seems like it was edited by someone with a good handle on why inspirational Hollywood stories about black people so often feel like they’re designed to make white people feel good about themselves. In this movie a black character flips out at her unfair treatment in a room full of white people, the titular figures solve their own problems without the help of benevolent crackers, and Kevin Costner’s colorblindness stems less from some future anachronistic moral code than from his being too obsessed with his project to notice anything else. This is a perfectly adequate crowd pleaser, and it’s not offensive. Take your girlfriend.

Suicide Squad - David Ayer

Comic book origin stories are so stupid. In the real world, government agents don’t pitch presentations on recruiting super heroes, because in the real world there aren’t super heroes. I might like these movies better if they didn’t try to take place in the same planet where people file w-4s. Maybe it’s Christopher Nolan’s fault for doing it semi-plausibly. Whatever. I’m not a comic book guy. At all. An airplane is the only setting in which I will ever watch this movie from beginning to end. But I like Will Smith a lot, and I like Margot Robbie.

The Accountant - Gavin O’Connor

Ignore the haters. This movie rocks. 

Ghostbusters - Paul Feig

Ignore Milos Yiannopoulos’s pedophile ass. This movie rocks.

Florence Foster Jenkins - Stephen Frears

Eh, they’ve made worse. Stephen Frears really seems to like old ladies.

The Magnificent Seven - Antoine Fuqua

Any movie that has Chris Pratt avoid death by performing card tricks is not going to be as cool as it wants to be, but this is a fun movie to watch. I’m always gonna go with the half-assed western over the half-assed comic book movie. And Denzel Washington can still do this shit better than anyone even when it’s in between takes of Fences.

Hell or High Water - David Mackenzie

Killing Them Softly is a movie about a bunch of underworld criminals tightening their belts and pumping their auditor to save money in a down economy. It’s soundtracked by political speeches from the 2008 Presidential election. It’s one of my favorite movies in recent memory. I’m a sucker for flicks that foreground the sociopathic nature of the banking industry as a regular feature in American life. I’m also a sucker for westerns, and for manly movies where everyone is an alcoholic. This is so much smarter and more controlled than it needed to be. It’s a minor masterpiece.

The Founder - John Lee Hancock

Nobody is better at playing a regular-ass uncharismatic scrub than Michael Keaton. Not Matt Damon in the Informant! Definitely not George Clooney in the Descendants. This might be the first straight biopic I’ve ever actually liked. A middle class striver opportunes himself into a goldmine, and eventually becomes successful enough that he can start acting like a shithead.

Nocturnal Animals - Tom Ford

This movie starts to fall apart about 20 minutes after you finish watching it--a dark thriller about a guy standing up his ex-wife on a dinner date? But in the world where style trumps substance, this is a masterpiece. Dark, foreboding, atmospheric, with a great cast and a killer score. Was a strong contender for trailer of the year. Michael Shannon should be in every movie.

Everybody Wants Some!! - Richard Linklater

Linklater splits the difference between his love of the pseudo-intellectual conversation and his unparalleled ability to show young adults hanging out. The baseball team’s voluntary summer practice is easily the best scene of the year. His best movie since Dazed and Confused.

The Lobster - Yorgos Lanthimos

The dialogue--and the movie--is like someone breathed life into stick figures and forced them to fuck or face unspeakable consequences. There’s a lot of “do you like the beach? I like the beach because I like looking at the ocean. I’m glad you also like the beach,” like these characters aren’t human but are desperately trying to fake it. Too weird and too singular to be the movie of the year, but I had a huge grin on my face during every batshit second of this.

Sausage Party - Conrad Vernon and Greg Tiernan

Let’s be honest, no one gets a freer pass than Seth Rogen. Once upon a time studios considered the big budget comedy a viable genre, and gave careers to people like Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell and Mike Judge, all joke-writers who, at their laziest, were pound-for-pound funnier than Rogen is (except for Sandler, who for the past 20 years has been less funny than the average Geico commercial). For better or worse I spent my teenage years quoting movies like Super Troopers and Detroit Rock City. Does anyone quote Superbad? Or This Is The End? The funny thing about my back is...I guess.

Having Judd Apatow’s affection didn’t used to be enough to monopolize a genre, is what I’m saying. And yet, there’s a pretty huge but coming. Because I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Seth Rogen has a gift for premises that none of those other joke-writers did. At heart he’s a very smart art nerd. He’s not really that funny. He relies way too much on dick jokes and swearing. But he’s figured out how to lean on his funny friends. And with Sausage Party, he’s figured out how to emulate the topsy-turvy cleverness of Pixar, and turn it into something as watchable as any of the movies they make.

The Birth of a Nation - Nate Parker

There are better movies, but it’s never gonna get old to watch slaves murder slave owners in the antebellum south. 

20th Century Women - Mike Mills

A movie of tiny moments that point to a specific moment in the lives of five people and the intricacy of their relationships. It identifies the profundity of little moments better than Boyhood, and the characters are as well sketched as any others in any other movie I can think of. So Jesus, why do I feel so cold about it? Is it because there’s a political sourness I can’t shake away? Because it feels kinda like Mike Mills wants points for being a real feminist? When this movie feels like a coming of age story, or a story about five people bouncing off each other in well-meaning but not-entirely-beneficial ways, it’s as good as it gets. When it feels like the next step in men writing deep female characters so the Huffington Post genuflects to them, I’m out. Or maybe I just don’t always give a shit about coming of age stories anymore. It’s one or the other.

Sully - Clint Eastood

Sooner or later, after he’s alienated the last living millennial by campaigning for President Trump in 2020, Clint Eastwood is going to shuffle off this mortal coil into whatever Valhalla awaits his generation of stoic American men, and we’re really going to miss him. He tells unfussy stories about uncomplicated heroes living in a decent world with clear cut moral guidelines. Here he turns a high-stakes true event into a medium-stakes story about a guy doing his job well. This is his best late-period movie.

Love and Friendship - Whit Stillman

Fans of Comedy Central may be familiar with a show called Another Period, where comedian Natasha Legerro plays a comically horrible social climbing society woman from some manored century, in a send up of Jane Austen costume dramas that nonetheless carries a feminist streak because of how put upon the women are. I occasionally have it on while I do other things, and I don’t dislike it. Like many late-night alt-comedy shows, it could be great with a bigger budget and more ambition attached to it. As I was first typing this review up, I accidentally wrote Another Period at the top instead of Love and Friendship.

Cafe Society - Woody Allen

Woody Allen has so mastered the epiphany that life doesn’t exist on a moral plane that even when he is on the autoest of autopilots he still handles the observation with profundity (Hannah and her Sisters is his philosophical masterpiece, and I would say unquestionably his best movie). This movie is very much on the autoest of autopilots, and Allen still is a writer first and a director second, but this is good territory for him. On the acting: Steve Carrell is funny and charming and seems like a great guy, but he’s not always a good actor, and he’s miscast here. Jesse Eisenberg is ehhh as the moderately more handsome young Woody Allen character (he kills the movie’s comic highlight, where he meets a first-time hooker). Kristen Stewart is the best actor here, handling second-rate Woody dialogue not as an Annie Hall or as a Kristen Stewart, but as a character of her own creation. 

The Neon Demon - Nicolas Winding Refn

Refn wants to make sound and light shows. He doesn’t want characters, he wants mannequins. He doesn’t want plot, he wants to set up perfect shots. I ultimately came out high on Drive, but made fun of it for being Eurotrash. Now I realize it was more like his version of a studio compromise. This is the kind of movie Refn wants to make--the kind of movie so devoid of external input that Keanu Reeves showing up as a pedophile murderer qualifies as fan service. I can see Refn thinking this is his masterpiece. I can’t imagine a single other person on earth actually riding for it.

The Witch - Robert Eggers

Religion is more fun to ponder than to hate on, which is why Silence is a more interesting movie than the Witch. This movie can and should be weirder and scarier than it is, but it spends too much time showing it’s family devolve into superstitious madness and not enough time bringing home that fucked up bacon. It needs more bleeding goats, is what I’m saying. But stay for that ending, because it’s a good one.

Silence - Martin Scorsese

There are times, during some of Andrew Garfield’s narration, or when the camera flashes to a photo of a suffering Jesus, when this movie starts to veer into Bergman territory--Silence is the most Bergmanish movie title since Shame--but Scorsese doesn’t really make art films in that way. His movies are more literal, more grounded in plot, their darkness is violent and visceral. One could argue that a movie like this is more subtle than anything made by the Swedish depressive. One could also argue that it just has less going on. It’s a tough one, not that it’s hard to watch, but it’s hard to comprehend. As for the easy stuff--it looks great, the acting’s great, the writing is smart as hell (and I can’t emphasize that enough. There’s a character who serves as both a figurative mind-fuck and as goofy comic relief). Still kickin’ around at 74, nobody is better at making these things than Marty is. The question the movie asks, I think, is that it’s easy to die on the cross for God, but letting other people die for him? That’s a whole lot harder. And if he isn’t even there? Well then, you’re a terrorist.

La La Land - Damian Chazelle

If this weren’t the runaway Oscar favorite, I wouldn’t have seen it. The question is, would anyone have? If something is getting raves from smart people I assume it’s good, and if it doesn’t look good than I assume it’s subversive somehow. So what is this? A throwback. Damian Chazelle is the only guy right now making movies inspired by “Singin’ in the Rain.” I mean, see this one a theater and yeah, it’s a good time. But don’t buy it or call it the best movie of the year or anything. That’s crazy.

Moonlight - Barry Jenkins

If we weren’t starved for movies about black people, would this movie be so canonized? And if it wasn’t so canonized, would anyone have seen it? Kind of this year’s boyhood, where seemingly random moments in a person’s childhood may or may not be key life-shaping events. What’s most impressive is how the moments depicted are both good and bad. This isn’t Precious. It isn’t some poverty-life horror show. Here’s a kid burdened by vulnerabilities living a sort-of normal life told in vignettes. Poignant. Kinda boring though.

Fences - Denzel Washington

Denzel Washington reading the phone book would be a good movie, which is good, because this movie is basically him reading a phone book. Just kidding! The first hour is perfect--immaculate acting, phenomenal writing, compelling story-telling. The second hour lost me. This is a movie (or play) where the main character tells his wife that he’s impregnated his mistress and that he plans on staying with her. Okay. Then, after his mistress gives birth she dies on the operating table. The main character is devastated, but truthfully, for both him and the story, what incredible good luck!

Allied - Robert Zemeckis

This is a bad movie for two reasons: the plot and the acting. The plot--what if my wife’s a spy? Oh no! She is!--is surprising, but not in a good way. The acting is a bigger problem. Brad Pitt is the coolest guy in Hollywood, probably one of my five favorite actors, and capable of really good stuff, but when you give him traditional leading man roles and don’t figure out how to make him be interesting in them, he’s incredibly dull. Benjamin Button had this problem. Allied has it even more.

Manchester by the Sea - Kenneth Lonergan

I don’t think a single person reads this blog but I still don’t want to spoil this movie so I won’t talk about the ending. But holy fuck. The definition of a slow burn, as in you’re gonna fall apart in the car halfway home from the theater. Best Oscar bait movie of the year for sure. Maybe best movie of the year.

Inferno - Ron Howard

I have never read a Dan Brown book, but the Da Vinci Code is my favorite TBS movie, and Angels and Demons is probably my second, so it gives me no pleasure to tell the truth here, which is that this movie sucks.

The Girl on the Train - Tate Taylor

I am still baffled by Gone Girl the movie, mostly because it isn’t good, so give this one credit for being the pulpy garbage Gone Girl pretends it isn’t. But the more I thought about this movie, which I very much enjoyed at the time, the more sour I got. It’s pulpy garbage, redeemed in part by Emily Blunt who pulls a Jake Gyllenhaal in Nightcrawler and crushes this role like Steve Smith crushed the Panthers after they cut him.

Arrival - Denis Villeneuve

Oh no, I’m already getting bored of writing these. The New Yorker’s review of this movie is perfect and I wouldn’t disagree with any of it. This is a movie that sets its premise up perfectly and then yada yadas over the entire substance of its plot. I still score it very high though, because the twist is borrowed from my favorite Kurt Vonnegut novel, and because I love the way the aliens look.

Midnight Special - Jeff Nichols

Jeff Nichols hasn’t made his masterpiece yet, but he’s in danger of becoming my favorite director. If he turns Michael Shannon and Joel Edgerton--two guys great at exploring the decency of masculinity--into his regular acting troupe the danger gets even greater. I watched this one on a plane, which is the worst setting possible to watch a movie with a substantial portion of its budget devoted to its special effects, and the ending rings a little underwhelming (would be better on a normal-sized TV) but nobody does male characters as well as Nichols. Also, and look for this refrain whenever he shows up in a movie, nobody in Hollywood right now is more interesting or exciting than Adam Driver, even in this role, which kinda short-changes him.

10 Cloverfield Lane - Dan Trachtenberg

Another airplane watch, and another movie I come to praise for its acting and then complain that the special effect ending didn’t work on me. There are questions without answers in this movie which bugs the hell out of me, but I’m glad to see my man from the Newsroom and the girl from Scott Pilgrim getting work. Mostly, I’m glad to see one of our finest actors, John Goodman, play someone other than a dad. Let me explain to you something the Coen brothers already know: It is long, long past time for the Goodmanaissance. He should have five Oscars for his performance in the Gambler alone.

The BFG - Stephen Spielberg

Classic kid’s book becomes movie kids will like.

Our Kind of Traitor - Susanna White

Dud Le Carre novel becomes forgettable, poorly directed movie. High point: Stellan Skarsgard, and you get to see his penis.

The Shallows - Jaume Collet-Serra

Hollywood is as snobby and irrationally biased as anyone, but take away the budget and the spectacle and this movie isn’t that different than the Revenant. I mean that is a compliment, I liked both movies a lot. But while the Revenant won Leo his Oscar--something not even Scorsese could do--this one is never going to escape its proximity to Sharknado and its T&A qualities. Blake Lithely, last seen trying to score Oxy from Jon Hamm, equips herself very well.

Sing Street - John Carney

Irish mise-en-scene is great, music’s even better, the older brother relationship is fun and sweet and might even choke you up. There are plot issues you’re a dick for bringing up, but they’re there. Apologies. Also, if you haven’t, go see the Commitments.

The Nice Guys - Shane Black

Ryan Gosling was the revalation here which is weird to me because he’d already showed off all these tricks in the Big Short. He’s better there, in my opinion, and Russell Crowe as the pudgy decent badass is who really carries the day. Hannibal Burress shows up as a bumblebee in the greatest cameo since whenever the last time Tom Waits showed up in a movie. This one starts with a ton of promise, and gets increasingly rote until by the end the heroes are in the same shoot out Shane Black’s been making for 30 years. Funny though, and if they make a sequel I’ll see it.

The Forest - Jason Zada

I briefly belonged to a gym with a big dark room where a bunch of treadmills pointed towards a giant screen TV, and they’d show movies. Sometimes they’d show real movies like A Force Awakens and Concussion (which I never caught all of so I won’t review here but the parts I saw were surprisingly damn good), and sometimes they’d show cheap direct to video horror movies, like a movie about a house break-in that I’m positive was financed by a home security company, and this one. I actually liked this one, purely because it looks real good and it takes place in the Aokigahara Forest in Japan, which I’d never heard of before but got really interested in.

Green Room - Jeremy Saulnier

A grindhouse flick with Patrick Stewart nicely underplaying a psycho neo-nazi, this isn’t as good as Blue Ruin--one of the best movies of the past five years--but it’s pretty damn good.

The Jungle Book - Jon Favreau

There’s a scene in this movie where Scarlett Johansson plays a snake that alone is worth the price of admission, even at the bumped up 3D price. The movie doesn’t ever get that dark again, but the fact that someone had the idea to Dark Knight up the Jungle Book, and it worked as well as it did, is flabbergasting. 

Hail, Caesar! - Joel and Ethan Coen

I don’t know how people who aren’t inclined to like every Coen brothers movie feel about this one--my mom and sister hated it--but I loved it. Weird, goony, centered around a bizarre communist subversion subplot that ultimately means nothing, this is the Coens at their not-giving-a-fuck best. In fact, skip La La Land and watch this subversive throwback to Hollywood’s gilded age instead. It’s way more fun and way more evil, and stars the god Josh Brolin.